#I can be sympathetic because it's been a massive shit show recently

[sixsixships]

I just lost an eight hour shift at work 🙃

[fruitageoforanges]

Hello, I read your aegond fic series recently and wow, it’s kind of crazy how so many small details you added to it actually ended up happening in the show 😭 the little sunfyre boops, theory going around fandom rn that helaena sometimes mends Aegon’s clothing when she’s embroidering. MOST of Aegon’s characterization this season. Even Aegon listening to petitions kind of felt like the scene with Helaena doing the same. And I think you captured the vibes I get from all 3 of them based on the show perfectly. Aemond’s temper and overall pragmatic attitude is so spot on, the scene of him dressing down larys reminded me of him talking to the substitute Lannister hand in your fic.

It’s like my fix it for all the wasted potential of season 2. Im so sad bc i’m loving the actors’ portrayals but i hate so much of what they’re making them do?? So thank you for writing it!! You took everything i liked from the show and made smth very lovely and emotionally cathartic from it

Also would love to hear your thoughts on season 2 bc I think your characterization for the siblings and Alicent is so spot on. Anything you liked or disliked from what they’ve been doing so far?

thank you so much! i’m glad you enjoyed the series, and that it can make up for a bit of the stupidity of s2! as you can probably tell from the way i wrote the yellow dress series, i’m not best pleased with a lot of the writing choices for s2. i’ll go through each of the characters and tell you what i think:

alicent: i’m torn, because while i feel like show!alicent (and show!rhaenyra) does a massive disservice to book!alicent, because the showrunners seem to have got it in their heads that a sympathetic woman is one who is constantly the victim of those around her and that sympathy is more important than making a character interesting, i also think her characterisation in this season is pretty coherent for the way they set her up in s1, and i do enjoy it. ironically what i really enjoy is her and aemond’s relationship falling apart — i saw a very good post talking about the driftmark incident, and how aemond idolises her for her expression of protective fury while she hates that she lost control like that, and him realising she’s never going to stand up for him instead of rhaenyra like that again is an excellent way to fracture their relationship.

helaena: i really like her characterisation! aside from the fact that maelor not existing really diminishes b&c, i think they’ve struck a good balance between showing her being heavily affected but not reducing all of her agency like in the book. the fact that they’re giving her and aegon’s relationship more weight than they did in s1 pleases me greatly.

aegon: i mostly enjoy his characterisation this season — i really enjoyed the second brothel scene as it showed he hasn’t really stopped being a bit of a shit to aemond over the years, and let’s be honest, he’s never going to stop, that’s just how their relationship is. what i don’t like is the ways the showrunners have deliberately exaggerated his incompetence, like him being shut out of the plan for rook’s rest, going into battle drunk and not even knowing high valyrian. i feel like this is partially because the showrunners really want us to know this is the rhaenyra show, and partially what i said above with regards to alicent — because it’s the rhaenyra show, they seem to have it in their head that characters can only be sympathetic if they’re victimised by others to some degree and not directly involved in prosecuting the war. so if they want some degree of sympathy for aegon, they feel like they have to diminish his involvement, and make him a victim of his own team, which leads me on to…

aemond: of all the greens, i’m most annoyed at how aemond has been characterised this season. the writers seem to have decided he’s the character they can make an unequivocal villain even to his own side in order to make alicent and aegon “more sympathetic”. this when they did such a good job in his 13 minutes of screen time in s1 of making him more than the one-dimensional psycho he was in the book. and even in the book, he didn’t betray aegon at rook’s rest!! that was the lazy way out of the aegond relationship — though i might’ve hated it less if it was given any emotional weight. ewan mitchell is wasted on this writing; he does so well with simple facial expressions, but the writers seem to have decided that aside from the first brothel scene, aemond doesn’t get to have emotions. or, you know, a coherent character arc — with aegon’s comments about him being a loyal hound in ep 1, i thought he was being set up to have to choose between his own ambitions and loyalty, or that he might have a scrap of complicated feelings about rook’s rest, but no, the evil switch has been flipped, so bye bye character arc. that said, i love how he’s demolishing the small council at the moment and cackled out loud when he put larys down. get his ass, babygirl. he’s also the only targtower at the moment to be actually focusing on winning the war, so well done my pragmatic wife.

daeron: he exists! at last! stupid to not even mention him in s1, but i’m so fucking excited to meet him and deeply tickled to think of him as a mini-gwayne.

i don’t have too many thoughts about team black other than that the show has done unforgivable things to baela the brave… but i must admit that jace has wormed his way into my heart by being a) the prettiest, most fashionable princess of the season and b) constantly done with rhaenyra’s bullshit. he and aemond need to get together and commiserate over having to deal with their mothers’ nonsense.

[katyspersonal]

Ok, smol rant about the recent fandom drama for your inbox lol. You have done the same in mine, so now we’ll be even fjfhfd.

I remember seeing a post about kids and parents where the OP wished that they could explain to the domineering parents that they weren’t “making excuses” for their actions, but giving reasons for them. It’s a huge point of contention between parents and children. One I brutally relate to. As the children, we often want our motives to be understood, even if we did something that violated a moral boundary.

It makes the judgement feel less dehumanizing, because then the parent knows that we are just human too. We feel acknowledged as flawed people without being seen as purely bad.

This is what writers do for their morally corrupt characters too, right? The war criminals everyone fights over. I have seen some instances where the author did outright excuse the war criminal’s actions, but it’s far more common, especially in recent years, for writers to provide reasons for their villain’s actions.

Sometimes it’s a grand philosophy the villain has, sometimes it’s delusion, other times it’s simple lust for power, and other times it’s a sympathetic background. Sometimes it’s a mix of all of them. It can get messy, but recently the big debate in fandom is usually over evil characters having sympathetic motives or being victims of a cycle of abuse/violence.

*glares at Marika*

This is getting more and more heated in fandoms and now even the Soulsborne fandom, which is depressing. I mostly ignore it because I’m tired of it. Pretty much all of my favorite characters these days are tragic villains because I just love that archetype. I’m drawn to it and have been for as long as I can remember. But that means I see this argument surrounding all of these characters 24/7.

I am more sensitive to moralism, I’ll admit. I haaaate Puritan rhetoric in fandom, so I usually feel more frustration towards the “irredeemable pure evil character is so bad, WHY are you excusing abuse?” shit. But seeing this Hornsent stuff recently, I’m also getting massively uncomfortable with the literal excusing of genocide in the story. Even if it’s fictional, that just….BRUH. Both sides make me a bit queasy.

And all along, I can only think: This fighting is so pointless because both sides are latching onto a very simple perception. They think the story Miyazaki wrote is meant to EXCUSE the actions of the cruel people in the story, but in truth, it’s giving REASONS for all sides. To make things more realistic and god forbid, EMOTIONAL!

Marika’s story destroyed me, and now learning more details about the Hornsent, I feel bad for many of their people too!! The whole thing is a big tragedy, totally pointless. Something tells me that was the point because [gasp], Miyazaki tells that story over and over.

I remember seeing a random gamer comment on YouTube about Marika’s village, and all it said was, “Well. Now we know why she did it.”

THAT’S IT. THAT’S WHAT MIYAZAKI WANTS US TO FEEL. Not “Omg she was totally in the right!!”

Miyazaki’s “cycle of violence” trope is NOT apologist preaching. It’s not about excusing the war criminals. It’s about showing how people fuck each other up for generations out of received and inflicted injustice and pain.

And some come out on top in the end, unleashing twice as much violence as the other group because of how much power they attain. (Marika).

I also wish fandom would be careful about comparing too much of this story to real life as well, because that’s where the weaponization of certain events in history comes into play, and it just leads to moralists beating love-blinded simps over the head with “You’re defending she-Hitler!”

That’s just a cheap-shot because this IS all still fiction at the end of the day, and nobody should be deep-throated with Catholic guilt for getting a bit defensive of an immoral character 💀

Anyway, I’m going off, but I will say this, it reminds me of the whole Shabriri thing. Of course the Frenzied Flame curse and ending is sympathetic in one way. Destroying a world that is SO ruined by suffering is an understandable craving if you reach the bottom of despair. This is almost the exact of motive of [GUNSHOTS] [SOUNDS OF BEING STRANGLED] and so, I love it even more of course. LET IT ALL BURN.

But Shabriri being a liar does get the point across!!

The FF doesn’t fix anything in the end. That’s why I fought for the “Shabriri is not right” take and marveled at how much of the fandom was swayed by his lie, but I also understood why too! It’s a beautiful, perfect lie.

But no matter how tender, how exquisite…you know.

So….I guess now the same thing repeats. People fall for Marika’s side and see her cruelties as justice, while others go too far and paint her as a wholly dark force of evil that is being “excused” by the story. But in truth, THE FRENZIED FLAME IS BOTH SOMETHING TO BE UNDERSTOOD AND FOUGHT AGAINST.

JUST LIKE MARIKA’S WRATH.

Melina was right all along.

Ok rant over. Thanks for all the based and nuanced takes recently.

PS: Lowkey, to this day I wonder, why did that mf George Lucas somehow deliver the story of Vader’s fall in such a simple way that painting the very IDEA of giving into the “dark side” as a tragic decision all around. Giving into the FF is a tragic decision, Marika seeking revenge and going way too fucking far is a tragic decision. WHY DID LUCAS SOMEHOW UNDERSTAND THIS AND YET FANDOM IS STILL CONFUSED WHEN WE TRY TO EXPLAIN THAT CHOOSING TO PERPETUATE THE CYCLE OF VIOLENCE IS PART OF THE TRAGEDY. MIYAZAKI IS PRACTICALLY SCREAMING IT AKSJDHDDJ—

Heyyyy Crow, I am so sorry for being a couple of weeks late to respond this ask ;-; I am scatterbrain about asks, you know :pensive:. ....and I also see that you did decide to waste it into my nothing-blog, instead of posting your beautiful, based thoughts in YOUR blog where more people can see them? You chicken dffdhs

Being the reclusive misanthropist (as far as fandoms go), I've been avoiding most of these problems! And my first exposure, through an EX mutual, happened to be the "woooow FromSLOP excused genocide by giving Marika a sad backstory, what were they thinking?!" side. The exposure only kept growing until I ripped the bandage, yet it did make me so angry that the first chapter in my large SOTE defence essay ( x ) was JUUUUST about it. 🙄

Marika was not "just" evil even in the base game either, giving off the impression of someone wanting to build a perfect world of light, life, safety and abundance even at the expense of oppressing "potential threat" species. She waged war on the Fire Giants who had 'evil god of fire', caused natural disasters and whose fire existed as anathema to the Erdtree and declared her victory the start of the "better age"! That already spoke of a lot of complexity, without forcing the audience to agree with her motivations and actions but instead understand what weight they held in the grand scheme of things!

What DLC did add was simply a lore on Marika's origins as a Goddess, and what made her vulnerable enough for the Two Fingers to seek her! Divinity is further stated to not be a great thing via Miquella's whole arc, but the wish to change the world to the better hits harder when you personally were a victim of its fundamental corruption! She did not instantly become a good person over DLC lore, nor she was just evil person and nothing else in the base game! War against Fire Giants (maybe Dragons?) was the means to topple the current powers and establish her reign, oppressing certain species was the mean to preserve it. She searched not solely to take revenge on the Hornsent, but to build a different world where what they did would not happen, ironically ending up causing more injustice ANYWAYS! Miquella fell into this trap. Heck, GIDEON fell into this trap!

On a more general note, detached from the specifics of this game: I do still find it more strange to be angry about villains being given sympathetic traits, as a concept. People who are just "born evil" are such a minority that they hardly can say anything about nature of men. In any case, 'explanation is not an excuse' works not only as a tool to still judge someone's sins, but ALSO to explain that writers making a character more elaborate is not a demand to like this character or excuse their actions! Everything has reason… This is why no one is entitled to declare they know what is good and bad for everyone. Not just people like Marika or Gwyn, but even us.

Granted, all the "they want us to like a she-Hitler now?!" sentiments arrived from the same people who also believe that Miquella's character was "assassinated" and use that absurd 'they'll never make me hate you miquella sweety' tag or whatwasit that has no reason to exist!! Character assassination. You know, that writing trick writers do to make you despise a character who has been established to be likeable before. I just can't forgive this "logic", of assuming that giving explanation for character's tyranny = wanting audience to see them as morally right, and assuming that making a character fall from grace = wanting audience to hate the character.

No, no, NO! Completely WRONG! What writers, GOOD writers, want audience with BOTH of these things is EXACTLY what you said: to understand the reasons of what happens and why! Miyazaki is a good writer, that wants audience to find their own answers, and always wanted! It is not being a love-blinded fan but a common knowledge in the fandom that Miyazaki admitted so himself. Zullie (Youtuber) highlighted this, writer of Paleblood Hunt highlighted this... Miyazaki's talent and genius did not magically evaporate just over the awful sin of not dropping any hints for Miquella x Radahn in the base game, and you, as a Fromsoft veteran, probably know it better than I do.

And, yeah, speaking of love-blinded, you know that only recently I've encountered the other side of the situation. Amongst all that vitriol over "writers wanting us to think this and that but we won't!", some people were angry at how fans were effected by Shaman Village's lore, and I saw why. Nobody should feel unsafe in the fandom just because they happen to refuse to hate The Bad Character TM when loud people decided that fandom should, and I did TELL Blender so!

That whereas we, small lore blogs, do not see the "danger" of highlighting character's sins or assuming them as accountable as possible, the "danger" of negative perception of the character exists, in the form of people who sees resulting hatred as moral act!Before SOTE dropped, I've noticed the problem with Mohg! While despairing over why his fans preferred a more charitable interpretation of him instead of "more interesting" sexual offender one, I kind of ENTPed the answer to my own question seeing them bullied for liking said Totally Canonically Sexual Offender. 🙄

I understand why certain people would get so defensive about how to interpret Marika that they'd jump at an objective well-researched post without even reading it (!!!) as some kind of a threat for their happy fandom experience. I insist that if you do enjoy your own vision more, nothing can threaten it, not even canon ffs, but that's not entirely true because we engage not in a vacuum but in a fandom.

Gehrman fans, for one, are more interested in protecting themselves from being blocked on the spot, vagueblogged about and shunned as "misogyny apologists" than in ensuring no one's vision can differ from their. I am a better person and fan than I was 2-3 years ago, but I remember the urge to tear every hater apart even if they did NOT insult or bully anyone. Because they could, and I remembered situations when they would. I also remember the first time I responded on Gehrman slander with cold head and politely. It was such a good memory. Marika did not create a presumably inaccurate life-size replica of her dead student. She started genocide. Thus, yes, I assume that vitriol from haters is even more severe. You mentioned people drawing parallels with real events and excusing them, and everyone here knows it does happen. I understand why.

....however, what did we JUST conclude about "understanding the reasons for someone's behaviour"? That it simply humanises them, not automatically excuses them!

You know I'll be proud of myself over this one for a week at least XD I might have created a sort of gravitational field in my blog, that did attract some people who really dislike Marika and dislike fans that "woobify" her (do kids still use this word?). It might be just something autistic, because in my vision, just because I call character fascist or otherwise point out something awful about them doesn't mean I hate the character or call for hate! Same applies to @val-of-the-north, of course! It is very difficult to communicate that I am not here to be a part of antagonism, and when I get 'reactionary' anons I'll focus on their comfort over comfort of hypothetical people that only might see my posts. This alone gets me involved by effect. I will be at least part of the problem whether I want it or not, so is everyone who posts any observations and opinions in the fandom at all. Unfortunately, the ONLY way to be 100% good fan is to not participate in the fandom beyond being a content machine.

It is very easy to get caught in a cycle of reactionary paranoia and "returning" aggression. But bad fandom experiences should not make anyone resort to attacking-on-sight even if this person wasn't hateful but just shared their observations. Just as much as how experience with bad writing excusing vile things should not make anyone resort to trashing on explanations (and "heretical" fans that acknowledge them for a good measure). Both sides have the understandable reasons for being cringe. Both sides ALSO deserve to be grabbed by the collars and get their heads hit against each other, like in a sort of an outdated anime gag. 🙄

Anyway, man, thank you for this rant. You've put everything so well, and in a very short form. I still think you are better at 'Fromsoft philosophy' than I, and you WILL accept my compliment!!! Honestly, the dreaded practice of "caring about discourse" is not all reductive and evil or whatever. Heck, you kinda prove that it can be as much an expression of passion as creativity!

[bigskydreaming]

I know some people just aren’t comfortable engaging with parts of canon where Bruce is abusive, because that’s just not the version of the character they’re here for, and I get that.

But the second a fic shows a willingness to address or even center itself around something like RHATO #25 or the Batman issue from King’s run where Bruce hits Tim......but DOESN’T acknowledge any of the many, MANY times that Bruce has been abusive to Dick on both sides of the Reboot, from post-Forever Evil to after Jason’s death post-Crisis and times in between?

Yeah, that’s when I see red.

Cuz that’s when it starts to look an awful lot like people are viewing abuse as some kind of narrative spice that they can selectively dole out only to those characters they like, while ignoring the times its applied to characters they don’t like because it might make them too sympathetic or interesting or what the fuck ever.

And I know people aren’t viewing abuse that way, right? Like surely there’s got to be some other explanation for why fics that heavily reference every single time Bruce has done something bad to Jason or Tim seem to act like Dick was just passively at Bruce’s side through all this, backing him up or else just being too naive to think Bruce could ever be like that, instead of like....actively a victim of their father’s abuse as well.

Look, its one thing for a certain character to not be your focal point or someone you’re particularly interested in, but you GOTTA look at the way this looks when you treat a character who has had instances of being a victim of Bruce’s abuse going back over thirty years, as like, being enabling, uncaring of or even party to Bruce’s abuse to the others in more recent years. Like, I focus a lot on the times he’s done it with Dick like in NW #30 or NTT #55 and just talk about Bruce and Dick in reference to those, because I’m trying to keep the focus limited to just Bruce and Dick for the purposes of whatever point I’m making, but the thing about that is.....I’m not CLAIMING that Bruce has never been abusive with any of the others, they’re just literally not even coming into the post because it isn’t about them. 

But the second you open things up to a full fic where things from all points of canon are being referenced in characters’ issues with Bruce, and you have a full cast list assembled.....it doesn’t work the same way because now you’re not just not talking about Dick’s experiences there because he’s not the focal point, now you’re actively writing over his experiences with a veneer of oh Dick and Bruce are fine, nothing like this has ever or would ever happen with them. That’s when you’re making for whatever reason a conscious CHOICE to depict certain kids of Bruce’s as victims at his hands, but NOT depicting the one who inarguably has been written that way the LONGEST and going back the furthest....because you simply don’t WANT him to be as sympathetic or the others or someone who can relate to them on this front, you want him to be an OBSTACLE to all that.

That’s shitty. I don’t know how else to tell you that that’s shitty. Please stop reserving abuse as some kind of ‘prize’ that’s only awarded to your personal faves’ backstories, because oh my god is that an offensive fucking take both coming and going. Not only are you unintentionally framing abuse as something ‘that can be quite good, actually, cuz it makes characters (people) interesting,’ you’re also again, as I said, seeing absolutely zero problem with taking a canon abuse survivor and making him part of the issue instead of someone similarly affected by it, simply because you don’t like him or find him interesting and you don’t want him to be the same as Jason or the others in this regard.

Frankly, this applies to the way this fandom treats a LOT of specific kinds of traumas. Like catch me side-eyeing the massive trend of Jason-as-Robin era fics that have Jason view Dick as spoiled, pampered, and harder to relate to or understand even than Bruce because god forbid one of those fics go with the juvie origin for Dick. I’ve more than once heard people say “I just don’t like that origin for Dick because I find it too angsty” and I gotta say, its a good thing that Cass and Damian’s origins aren’t too angsty to avoid and that nobody has ever extrapolated from what we do know about Jason and Tim’s childhoods to go into extremely elaborate and angsty detail about every possible facet of abuse or neglect they might have endured. 

I mean nah, this isn’t yet another way in which people deliberately depict Dick as just ‘not getting it’ because he hasn’t been through the kinds of stuff the others have, and its like. Okay but see thing is, he actually HAS, and you not acknowledging any of those instances is a CHOICE that you’re making as a writer, and as readers, we’re allowed to question those choices. We can look at what you’re presenting in the way that you’re presenting it, and think okay, but one of these things is not like the others, and the way you treat various characters as extremely sympathetic because of various aspects of their canon stories or their backstories while acting like the same could never ever be true of a character it absolutely has been true of on many different occasions....its super uncomfortable. And it kinda casts a shadow over everything you write into your story about abuse or specific other traumas because now there’s actually this implicit undertone where its like, okay but we actually only care about these things when they’re affecting someone or some character we LIKE, and that’s.....yeah. Not awesome.

I’ve ranted many a time before about the abuse apologism that runs rampant in this fandom, particularly in the vein of people refusing to acknowledge Bruce’s abusive actions (which again, I understand and am fine with up UNTIL...) but being perfectly comfortable sticking with any and all of Dick’s REACTIONS to literal abuse, but now deliberately separated from the inciting actions which makes it look like he’s just instigating shit or upset for no reason whatsoever. That’s literal abuse apologism, no matter what your intentions are, because hate to break it to people, but “Avoid Acknowledging An Abuser’s Actions And Flip The Focus To What The Abuse Victim Is Doing Wrong Instead” is literally chapter one of Abuse Apologism 101. But this shit? Abuse only happens to people I care about or find sympathetic already, because weirdly I seem to be able to make excuses for or overlook any instances of abuse that happen to someone I DON’T like?

That’s literally chapter two of the same damn book.

And good god but am I tired of people harping endlessly on about how much they care about these topics while blithely doing nothing BUT reinforce abuse apologism tropes and narratives in the process of shining a spotlight on the abuse that happens to personal faves and personal faves only.

And this definitely falls into the same pattern of people who happily talk about taking a match to canon and watching it burn at the exact same time they make the deliberate choices to depict Dick as the one Batkid who just doesn’t truly get the others and never will, or is unrelatable or all these other things.....

And its like hey guys? 90% of the stuff you hold against Dick Grayson or cite as your reasons for not liking him? When we say those aren’t canon its not because we’re trying to be the canon police always showing up to bust up your fun and be like no no no you naughty people, that never happened so you’re not allowed to write that. No. That’s not a thing. That’s not what that is. What it ACTUALLY is, is us pointing out all the times and ways where when Dick comes across as a giant asshole in fics, and we’re like why tho, we’re just literally trying to understand where your interpretation of his character is coming from, and you guys are like bitch its canon, and we’re like okay no but thing is, its really actually not. Its us just being like hey, the vast majority of the stuff you say you dont like about the guy or the times you leave out all the stuff that you cite as what you DO like about other characters, its like....

But anyway....

[plaidbooks]

Hi babes - a request that’s kind of specific- (readerxcarisi) this would take place in season 19, episode 8 where Rollins and Carisi are at the shitty motel and they have that moment. So the idea would be that reader is also a detective, maybe newer or something tagging along with them two and reader knows Carisi has a thing for Rollins and reader was with him when they saw the guy leaving Amanda’s room. Reader is there for him after and he realizes maybe he was chasing the wrong girl??

New Girl

A/N: Hey Anon! I had to rewatch this to do some of the dialogue from it (I condensed the first scene so it’s not incredibly long.) but it’s a good idea to rewtach this ep before reading....unless you remember that Heather was the catfisher and stuff. Anyways, this is a little longer cause t’s slower paced. I like the idea of being there for someone without needing to ask. Also yes, I’m taking the chance to flex some sports knowledge, sorry not sorry. Hope you enjoy <3

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“They traced the IP address to West Virginia,” Sonny said to Olivia, as they both came into the precinct.

“Good, get a John Doe warrant and send it to the local precinct,” Liv replied.

“Done and done.”

Liv gave him a smirk. “Then fill up your gas tank. Fin, you’re riding shotgun.”

“Oh, hell no; I’m allergic to West Virginia,” Fin said, leaning back in his chair.

Liv sighed. “Okay, Rollins, you’re up.”

“Really?” she whined.

Liv glanced between the two, already looking tired of this crap. “Come on, someone’s gotta translate for him,” she joked, gesturing at Sonny, who rolled his eyes.

“I’ll go,” you perked up. You were still the new kid, so you were jumping at every opportunity to go out in the field. Plus, you had a massive crush on Sonny, and being stuck in a car with him seemed like a good chance to learn more about him.

Liv gave you a relieved smile. “Thank you; at least someone here wants to work. But I’d also like someone with experience; Rollins, you’re going too.”

 ***************

The drive wasn’t awkward…at least, not for Sonny and Amanda. They’ve been partners for years now, chatting up a storm. You sat in the back seat, listening in on their stories, jumping in when appropriate, but otherwise fading into the leather behind you. This wasn’t what you had hoped for when you thought about going to West Virginia with Sonny, but at least you were getting some experience in the field…right?

The arrest was quick, painless. You actually found yourself feeling bad for Heather as you had her arrested in her mother’s home. But then you remembered what happened to Katie, and it solidified your resolve.

When Amanda suggested you three, and Chuck, the local officer, go to The Barrel—the local bar—for information, you’re first thought was that maybe alcohol would help you loosen up around Sonny. But after a few shots and a cocktail, all you saw was how he looked at Amanda, and you cursed yourself for not seeing it sooner. Why would he ever fall for someone like you when he could be with someone like her? And they were already so close; what was the point of trying?

Complaining about a headache, you excused yourself, telling them you’d see them in the morning.

“Want me to walk ya back to your room?” Sonny asked, looking concerned.

Your heart fluttered at the thought, but then you remembered the heart eyes he’d been giving Amanda all evening. “No, I’m fine. Thanks though.” You wandered back to the hotel across the parking lot, wiping the tears from your face, locking yourself in your room.

 ******************

You were in the hotel lobby making yourself coffee when Sonny came in.

“Morning, [y/n],” he said, smiling at you. “Feeling better today?”

You melted at his smile, tears threatening to form again, but you pushed down your feelings. “Uh, yeah, much better. How’d you sleep? Hopefully you and Rollins weren’t up too late.”

“Nah, it was fine. We may have started a bar fight, though,” Sonny grinned at you, and you giggled, trying to picture him fighting anyone. He went about making two coffees and grabbing an assortment of free breakfast foods. He put everything on a tray and you followed him out, heading towards Amanda’s room as he called Liv to give her an update. But you both froze as a man came out of Amanda’s room, both of them chatting for a moment before he left. And Sonny’s face fell as he turned and went towards his SUV instead.

You gave Amanda’s closed door one last look before you went after Sonny. He stopped at his SUV, putting the tray on top so that he could fish his keys out of his pocket. He sniffled and it was only then you realized he was crying.

“Hey, you okay?” you asked tentatively. But you knew the answer—of course you did. Because you had felt your heart shatter last night.

“Fine,” he grunted, opening the driver’s door and sliding in. This was sure to be a fun ride back to New York. Grabbing the tray he had left on the roof of his SUV, you climbed in behind the passenger seat.

You sat in silence for a few awkward moments before you said softly, “I’m so sorry, Sonny. If you ever need to talk, I’m here for you.”

 *****************

The ride back was worse, to say the least. The tension in the air was thick, not to mention, you sat in back with Heather, who seemed to be daydreaming about meeting The Monster. You found yourself watching Sonny, or at least, the half of his face that you could see. He was quiet, subdued; so unlike him, and you realized you hated it. You wanted him to be his laughing, jokey self. You tried asking him questions—and Amanda, so you weren’t too obvious—but he wasn’t all there, his mind somewhere far away. Eventually, you gave up. falling into the silence of the drive.

 *****************

Liv mercifully gave the three of you the rest of the day off after delivering Heather to the precinct. You were just debating what to do for dinner when there was a knock at your door. Curious, you unlocked it, opening it to see Sonny shuffling on his feet on your doorstep.

“Son?” you asked in confusion.

He gave you a nervous smile. “Hey, can I come in?”

“Uh, yeah. ‘Course.” You moved out of the way, letting him enter your brownstone.

You both stood there awkwardly before he asked, “have you had dinner yet? If not, I can maybe whip something up? Or I can order takeout?”

“I haven’t yet, no.” Now thoroughly confused, you shrugged, playing along. “Did you have something in mind? I was thinking of ordering a pizza or something….”

“Pizza sounds great. Here, I’ll order. You like pepperoni, right?”

 ******************

You both idly chatted while waiting for the pizza to arrive, the awkward tension still palpable. Sonny didn’t say why he came over and you didn’t ask. The delivery man showed up soon enough, and Sonny insisted that he pay, so you let him. You found some beers in your fridge, offering one to him, which he gratefully accepted. As you ate, you started talking more, just about where you were before transferring to Manhattan, why you decided to come here of all places. The tension in the air subsided, and slowly, Sonny started talking about himself; his family, his recent accomplishment at Fordham—you had started just after he had passed the bar exam, so you didn’t hear much about it—and how much he loved his job.

“So, now that you passed the bar, are you going to leave us for Barba?” you asked. Sonny cocked an eyebrow, a grin on his face. “Oh my god, that’s not what I meant, and you know it,” you giggled, your cheeks burning.

Sonny chuckled at the implication. “I—I don’t know yet. I really do love my job as a detective. But I always wanted to be a lawyer, ya know? And now I can be. But with Mike passing…it just doesn’t seem like the right time.” He took a sip of his beer. “Hey, maybe with you taking over, I’ll be able to. I’d feel less bad leaving the department behind; they won’t be as short-staffed.”

It hurt to think about Sonny leaving; you were just getting to know him. “I still got a long way to go, though. Liv wouldn’t even let me go with you to West Virginia alone. What was it she said? ‘I need someone experienced’ or some shit.” You rolled your eyes.

“Hey, I was in your shoes before, too. It’ll pass quicker than you can blink.” Sonny spun the bottle in his hands. “Besides, I almost wish it was just us, and that Rollins wasn’t…” he trailed off, his eyes staring at nothing.

You swallowed hard. “You like her, don’t you?”

“Hm? Nah…I mean, she’s my partner, yeah? I have her back, and I know she’s got mine…. We’re close and…yeah, I don’t know.” He looked everywhere but at you, a slight pink tint in his cheeks.

You nodded sympathetically. As much as you wanted him to like you, you just wanted him to be happy. And if she made him happy, then you’d have to live with that. “Being so close with someone for so long, it’s not shocking if feelings…developed. Have you talked to her about it at all?”

He shook his head. “Look, I appreciate you trying to help me with this, but can we stop talking about Rollins? Please?”

“Of course. Sorry…. I got ice cream, if you want some dessert?” you tried.

Sonny sat there for a moment, staring a hole into your floor. “You know what? I think I’m gonna get out of your hair.” He stood, stretching. “Thank you for letting me crash your night for a little bit.”

“You sure? You can stay as long as you need,” you replied, but he was already moving towards your front door, sliding his jacket on.

“Yeah, I’ve taken up enough of your time. See ya at work tomorrow.” And then he gave you that heart-melting smile before he was gone.

 ****************

Whether Fin or Liv could feel the tension in the precinct the next day, you weren’t sure. But Sonny had gone back to his nontalking self, sitting at his desk, working through Heather’s posts. At some point, Amanda invited him to lunch, but he declined. They had a few clipped, whispered words that you didn’t hear, but after she left, Sonny looked upset again.

Standing, you went to the coffee maker, making two cups—one for yourself and one for Sonny. You came back, placing it on his desk, within hands reach. He glanced up at you, and you gave him a soft smile before moving back to your desk, diving in on something to help Barba with his case against Heather.

After another half an hour, Sonny got up, coming over to your desk. “Wanna go grab lunch?”

You looked from him to the mountain of posts and pictures you still had to go through, then back at him. “Please,” you groaned, grabbing your jacket and following him out.

 ****************

For the next two weeks, you and Sonny would get lunch. Or, if it wasn’t possible to take lunch at the same time, you’d bring each other something, switching off each day. You both also seemed to know when the other ran out of coffee, placing a refill on one another’s desk just as you’d finish the last sip. Conversation started to flow easier between you two, and you found that you highly enjoyed just chatting with him. Every now and again, he’d come over to your place, and you’d just talk; mostly about work, sometimes about your families. You still had a crush on him, but you shoved it down, trying to not let it interfere with work, or with your new-found friendship. Though, you noticed with some glee that he no longer looked at Amanda with that sparkle in his eyes.

On Saturday night, Sonny showed up at your doorstep, a 12 pack in one hand, takeout in the other. “Are you not watching the hockey game tonight?” he asked, his Islanders sweater on proudly.

“I, uh, wasn’t planning on it?” you replied, confused. In all your talks, neither of you had mentioned sports, except that Sonny had played basketball as a kid.

“Pffttt. You are now,” he said, pushing into your place. You giggled, following him to your couch. Plopping down next to him, you grabbed a beer while he flipped through the stations until he found the game. He cheers’ed you, then you both took a sip, watching and yelling at the screen. It was hard not to get caught up in the excitement with him, even if you didn’t know all the rules, nor particularly cared about hockey. You just enjoyed spending time with him.

At some point during the first period, Sonny put his arm on the back of the couch, his legs spread. You never understood how someone so lanky could take up so much room, but it made you smile. He just looked so natural, so comfortable on your couch, and you loved it.

“Come on, Lehner! You gotta cover your 5-hole!” Sonny yelled at the screen, groaning as the Islanders let in a goal.

“Uh, explain that to me, please?” you asked, confused.

Sonny sat up, leaning his elbows on his knees, moving closer to you. “Okay, so, ya see how the goalie, Lehner, has his legs so spread? Well, when the Pens shoot, that’s where they aim, ‘cause it’s his weak-spot and they know it. He’s slow to get his glove there and it’s an easy goal.”

“So…the 5-hole is between the legs?” you guessed.

“Exactly; see? You’re a quick learner,” Sonny smiled at you as the game cut to commercial.

You grinned back. “Well, I have a good teacher.”

Sonny’s eyes lit up with an idea. He put his beer down, then turned to face you. “Here, stand.” You cocked an eyebrow at him but obeyed. “Put your arms out and spread your legs…not that far; be comfortable. Okay, so, right here,” –he put his hand to the left side of your face, above your arm— “is the 1-hole. The opposite side here, that’s the 2-hole. Then here,” –he went back to your left side, under your arm this time— “is the 3-hole, and—”

“The opposite is the 4, and between the legs is 5?” you finished.

That lopsided grin was back. “Exactly.” He looked at the screen as the commercials ended. “Ooh, game’s back, here.” Sonny’s hands went to your hips, sending electricity through you. He dragged you back onto the couch next to him, your leg touching his, and his arm around your shoulders. You couldn’t pay attention to the game as your whole body heated, a stupid grin on your face from the closeness. At some point, you relaxed against him, snuggling into his side. If it bothered him, he didn’t say anything. In fact, quite the opposite—when he wasn’t groaning or gesturing at the screen, he had his arm around you, holding you to him.

Once the game was over, Sonny helped you clean up. “Thanks for letting me crash your night again,” he said—the same thing he said every night when he showed up unannounced.

“Anytime,” you replied. “Are you sure you’re okay to drive?”

“Sober as a fox,” he smiled.

You raised an eyebrow at him. “Is that even a saying?”

“It is now,” he declared, a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “Really though; I’m fine. Thank you for worrying.”

You walked him to the door, holding it open for him. Sonny stopped just outside your place, turning back around to look at you. “Text me when you get home, so I know you’re safe,” you said softly.

“Okay, I will…. I, uh, wanted to thank you. Not just for tonight, but for every night…and lunches, and coffees, and just—letting me be me for a little.” He gave you the sweetest smile, and you thought your chest was going to burst.

“Yeah, anytime, Sonny. I want you to feel…safe with me,” you replied.

“I do…I really do.”

You were leaning against your doorframe, and he had one hand on the wall next to it, leaning against it. Slowly, he leaned forward, his face getting closer to yours. Swallowing, and praying you weren’t misinterpreting, you leaned in, too, until your lips met in a soft, chaste kiss. Sonny’s mouth was gentle against yours, his lips smooth, and you stood up on your tiptoes, pressing yourself harder against him, afraid that he’d realize what was happening and that he’d pull away, disgusted. And though he did pull away, his eyes were still closed in bliss, a small smile on his face, one that slowly grew the longer you looked, making your own smile appear.

“You sure you don’t want to stay the night?” you asked, your voice hopeful.

Sonny looked deeply into your eyes, then to your lips, then back to your eyes. “Well, if you insist, maybe I can be persuaded to crash your night a little longer.”

[starrysnowdrop]

Hey there! I don't know how to write this so I hope you won't mind my awkward phrasing XD

I've see a lot of negative posts about the Sorrow of Werlyt Quest Line, some even pretty aggressive. Now I feel so bad for liking it, I love the Siblings and how Gaius turns out to be an actually somewhat good Dad. I like the fights a lot, especially the second one. Had massive fun with posing and fooling around. I also love how the Villain is just that, a mean bastard who deserves some stab wounds.

But now I'm desperately searching for other people who like this quest line. Long story short... I've just wanted to ask how you see the story arc 😔 sorry again for writing so much nonsense 💜

Hi sweetie, thank you so much for reaching out to me @xxcrowfeatherxx! Before I begin my essay long answer, thank you so much for the amazing ask!

First, please don’t feel bad for what you enjoy, or begin to think that your opinion is invalidated because some are really vocal about what they dislike. You are allowed to enjoy the Werlyt storyline despite the fact that there are some who dislike it. Also, please don’t take my opinions as gospel either. Regardless if my opinions are similar or contradict your own opinions, please go on enjoying the Werlyt content! With that being said, let’s get into it, shall we?

My Thoughts on The Sorrow of Werlyt Up to Patch 5.4

I think I will get the less controversial aspects of Werlyt out of the way and say I’m in LOVE with the fact that we are fighting the weapons from FFVII. VII is one of my favorite games in the FF series, so I have been hyped since Ruby Weapon was announced. I absolutely loved all of the weapons and their respective battles, with Ruby giving me utter chills with Nael van Darnus popping out of the weapon all gooey, then the absolutely EPIC Sapphire duty that is taken right out of my childhood fantasies of wanting to pilot a gundam! Emerald Weapon’s trial even on normal mode was so much fun, and it tested my ability to stay alive and dodge all the mechanics really well. And just seeing the VII weapon designs in full HD quality just makes me squeal with joy every time.

Now, for what you are probably waiting for me to comment on: the Werlyt story. Obviously since we haven’t seen it through to completion, I can only comment on how it’s going so far through 5.4, so my opinions may change down the road. That being said, I don’t hate the storyline, but it’s more in the execution of certain plot points that annoy me.

For example, I adore that we are exploring Gaius’ past and the reveal that he had more “adopted” children, as it shows the kind of person Gaius really is behind the armor so to speak. I don’t hate that the Raen kids are there, or that Gaius seems to be on his way to having a full redemption arc, unlike some more vocal people have said on Twitter recently. I’m actually all for a redeemed Gaius, I just hope they do it well, and not just brush over certain things... unfortunately it seems so far that they have.

Not sure if you’ve seen the meme going around, but after Severa explained her past to Gaius, he had full shocked Pikachu face, right? That bothers me, because how can he NOT know that a majority of pure blooded Garleans look down on other races as inferior? I mean, Cid knows, how can Gaius be all shocked about this? I understand that Gaius may not be aware of all the dealings going on in other legions, sure, but the overall ideals of the Garlean Empire even talk about “subjugating primitive peoples” (that’s an Emet quote by the way for the reference), so that sounds like half-assed writing to me. It seems to me that they are painting Gaius as if his biggest sin is being ignorant of the problem instead of him coming to terms with himself being part of said problem.

There’s also the huge issue of what sounds like victim blaming Livia sas Junius for how she turned out to be. Millisandia’s friend explains to you that Gaius always tried to keep Livia at arm’s length because she was getting obsessive over him and trying to keep the others from getting near him. Well, Livia was another of the “adopted” children as well, so if anyone is to blame here it’s Gaius, not Livia. Yeah, “keeping her at arm’s length” by making her his right hand! Talk about mixed signals here. If he knew something was up about Livia’s behavior, he should have done something about it to help the situation, instead of rewarding her for her devotion instead.

Also, others have brought up the point that the Werlyt storyline with Gaius and the Raen “adopted” children is sort of redundant when this has already been explored in Cid’s backstory, and I agree to a point, but not fully. The fact that Gaius takes in children and raises them like they were his own is not new to Gaius’ story certainly, as Cid tells the WoL that “He was there for me father, when you were not”, but it’s not explored that much more than that. And as we know, Cid defects and leaves Garlemald to fight for Eorzea instead of following Gaius. Therefore, it’s interesting that the Raen children look to Gaius as an example instead of what Cid did, so I actually like that we have been given more exploration into the backstories of these characters in this storyline.

There’s also the fact that people have been critical about Cid seemingly forgiving Gaius for everything he’s done and just brushing it all aside like it’s no big deal in this storyline. I guess people get that impression when Cid tells the WoL that when he saw Gaius again in Praetorium, he doesn’t know why he wasn’t that mad at him like he thought he would be. Now, I need to go back and screenshot this conversation just to be certain of the details, but the impression I got was that Cid had mixed emotions about Gaius, but he was willing to put it aside for the greater good (ie: defeating the Weapons that will kill all of Eorzea). Also, Gaius practically raised Cid himself, and in a lot of ways, Gaius was more of a father figure to Cid than Midas ever was. So does this make Cid’s feelings towards Gaius complicated? Absolutely! Gaius still feels like a father to him, so I believe Cid gets a pass for having mixed emotions about the whole situation. Not to mention that Gaius wasn’t the one that almost killed him... but anyway.

I haven’t talked too much about Valens yet, but he’s so creepy and freaks me out, and that’s a great thing! He’s definitely a change from our more sympathetic villains we’ve had lately with Emet and Elidibus, so I’m actually happy about that as well. I honestly can’t wait till that piece of shit dies!

I know I made this way longer than anyone probably cares to read, but I’m honored that you asked me for my thoughts on Werlyt and I’ll be happy to talk about it anytime with you! Once again, thank you so much for the ask!

[quidfree]

Wondering how you decided to characterize the Regulus-Marauders relationships in LMV? Really love that fic btw :)

i’m glad someone asked bc i make no secret of the fact that writing said relationships (or interactions, more accurately) is one of my very fav parts about writing LMV- i’m pretty sure i’ve answered something similar but i have no qualms doing it again. i’ll put it under the cut so i can do them one at a time.

lily: lily is probably my very fav of the regulus interactions, for a variety of reasons. lily, remus and james are all three predisposed to be friendly and kind towards strangers and/or their enemies (unlike regulus and his brother lol), but lily is the person whose kindness is one of her (very few) defined traits in canon, and it’s set in stone that she has a high tolerance for bullshit, so obviously she’s the one who is going to be most unfazed by regulus’ antics and just continue to be faultlessly polite and sympathetic around him. on the other hand, lily has 0 tolerance for death eater bullshit specifically, esp after the snape experience, so she will not hesitate to sharply reprimand regulus whenever he says something even remotely anti-muggle. this means that on balance regulus is hard-pressed to find anything to complain about with her other than the fact she won’t let him be racist towards her, and especially given his recent moral quandaries he feels more chastised than he’d like to admit on the latter point. and lily is not just kind- she’s also a very clever, capable and charming witch, with none of james’ more annoying traits nor remus’ cynicism, and regulus just increasingly likes her a lot while kind of attempting to pedal back on it. lily, on the other hand, beyond her refusal to put up with any bigotry, has a particular soft spot for difficult siblings trying to make amends, and beyond that also finds regulus quite cute in certain regards- his obvious attachment to sirius, his newfound bambi act around anything muggle, his very real concern for kreacher, his transparent reluctance to befriend them. also she enjoys a bit of slytherin snark, amidst all of her gryffindor boys. basically lily gently bullies regulus by simply not leaving him be to stew in his self-indulgent pureblood angst and regulus is helpless to it. down the line, since regulus is canonically kind of a fanboy type (hello posters) he will become a staunch lily stan who spends 50% of their conversations trying to convince her to divorce james because she could do better (and silently deploring the fact she didn’t choose him as a token slytherin friend instead of severus snape). i imagine the absolute outrage of shifting his schoolboy admiration from lord voldemort to lily is one no one ever lets him (or voldemort) live down; lily takes it in stride, since he’s not even close to the most questionable admirer she’s ever had. 

remus: in some ways remus and regulus’ relationship covers a lot of the same beats as lily and regulus’ - remus is also a blood aberration in the eyes of pureblood society, and also infinitely more patient with regulus’ various suspicions and barbs than he deserves. the main distinction is just that remus is less trusting- both because he lacks lily’s sibling angle to lend him sympathy, and because he’s more skeptical on the subject of personal loyalties impacting moral compasses. he’s also less willing to confront regulus’ bad takes because unlike lily remus is not comfortable with his lycantrophy and in part feels the bigotry towards werewolves is deserved, having internalised much of it and living in fear of his capacity to harm others across much of canon. as with sirius (or any of their other friends), remus is also the most observant of the gang, so he can read regulus best, which regulus (as a keen-eyed slytherin himself) is uncomfortably aware and suspicious of. these elements all add a level of strain to their relationship that doesn’t exist with lily and regulus. beyond that, however, remus is of course faultlessly civil, and his teaching instincts mean that in practice he does a lot of the quiet helping regulus privately appreciates the most- pretends to check cupboards out loud so regulus doesn’t have to ask where things go, repeats well-known details to himself within earshot of him, unobtrusively shuffles sirius’ bookshelves around so regulus has things to read. despite his suspicions regulus would pick him to spend time with any day, even fully aware of the fact remus can and will needle him into a seemingly mild debate about some facet of pureblood doctrine after a couple of hours of companionable silence. remus isn’t quite so indulgent of regulus as lily is, but he privately suspects he’s growing on him, because remus sees the good in people despite himself and also sees the black in regulus. he’s a smart kid, anyways, and it’s nice sometimes to have someone around that’s just a little less *handwaves* than the rest of the group, and someone else that does the watching. regulus just wishes remus’ general perceptive doubt didn’t have a massive sirius-(and james-)shaped blindspot, and maybe also that he didn’t look quite so contemplative whenever sirius threatens to feed him to the wolves.

james: james and regulus’ relationship is obviously the funniest of the bunch. i simply do not believe there is any way regulus could not have loathed james with every fibre of his grudge-holding being. and it’s not just the deep dark regulus-intro-chapter thing about james being very literally the one to turn sirius decisively away from his family, or the fact that for regulus’ last two years of school he had to put up with the fact sirius lived with james, or even the fact james was so archetypal of everything he’d been taught to revile as a smarmy blood traitor of the highest class. no, it’s also just that james is obnoxious- at least from the bitter perspective of a middle-schooler whose beloved older brother has unceremoniously ditched him for some loudmouth arrogant gryffindor who struts around hogwarts like he owns it and beats regulus’ quidditch team and makes a big show of thwarting his attempts to catch the snitch while he does it, winking up at the stands where sirius sits howling with laughter all the time. there is no living being on earth regulus can’t stand more than james potter. and james, of course, is thoroughly bewildered by this, because regulus is kind of civil with lily and remus despite his bigotry, and warming up to his brother, but if james so much as breathes remus looks like he wants to club him to death with an antique vase. so then it’s this whole cycle of adversity where james ‘why would someone not like me’ potter only grows more determined to get in regulus’ good books in the face of his loathing, and regulus is having a conniption bc james just won’t stop being friendly and helpful. and james fundamentally is a sirius simp (lol) and also canonically The most trusting and idealistic of the bunch, so he is staunchly in the regulus redemption camp, which makes it all the harder for regulus to just oppose everything he says in principle. not to mention james is genuinely a personable guy, who will do shit like recall some of regulus’ better quidditch plays or remember the names of people in his year regulus hung out with you, and regulus is just. suffering. beyond the inexplicable loathing james finds him very entertaining (duh, it’s sirius’ kid brother) and somewhat like a debutante who just needs to blossom into an order member; he’s the one who most regularly engages with regulus’ inflammatory statements because he’s the one who’s most willing to believe he’ll change (and also because he has years of experience telling sirius that you can’t just say that, mate, where the hell did you hear that from?). regulus hates him, and also hates himself for kind of very much definitely seeing why sirius is so into him. bastard. 

also, i’m not really going into sirius here because LMV itself already does so much, but like. they’re brothers. they love each other wholly. they can (and do) hurt each other like no other. they are very awkwardly trying not to do that on purpose so much. sirius wants very, very badly for regulus to Be Like Him, which regulus resents, but really sirius wants more than anything for regulus to be Good, so they can be on the same side of things again, and regulus doesn’t really know how to handle that (especially bc some part of him very desperately seeks to regain his brother’s approval). it’s a mess but they’re trying. i think it’s esp weird for them bc they never really had a middle ground- in the Before they were inseparable and sirius was the cool older brother who stuck up for regulus as he shadowed him around, and in the After sirius was the family disappointment who couldn’t believe regulus wouldn’t follow in his footsteps and took this out on him as angrily as he could manage while regulus bitterly returned the favour. now they’re sort of at an impasse, trying to relearn the actual people they are rather than what they’ve always been to each other. 

[chaoslordjoe]

RWBY - Do I ship it?

My friend @lewdnepvasilias666​ has recently been receiving Asks about some various RWBY ships. Given my small follower base, and since I’ve got some time to kill before going AFK for Father’s Day I just thought: “Eh. Seems fun.”

No time to waste, so let’s get into a few random ships here, shall we?

Renora

OTP

I SHIP IT

hELL YES

I WOULD DIE FOR IT OKAY

As if there was any doubt! Just to start us off, I feel that there really isn’t much else that can be emphasized about Renora and how it’s one of the few things the FNDM can collectively agree on.

While I understand that the whole “best-friends-to-lovers” trope is cliche -- believe me, I’m not a fan of it either -- I feel that Renora is able to handle it in the least corny way possible with a realistic backstory: Grew up in a village, village was doomed, they ran out and survived and have been together ever since.

Yeah, it’s a clear setup for romance between the two, or at the very least a type of love that’s not necessarily romantic. Not just that, but the deepest friendship imaginable. I’ll admit, I’m not a fan of how they made Renora super angsty in V7, but I feel much more content ever since I dropped the show with how much more fan content there is to explore of these two that RT couldn’t.

Boop, motherfuckers!

BlackSun

the sexiest pair

underrated

we need more of it

reads fics about it

Like morning follows night, eh?

Pretty much every praise that can be said about BlackSun is said before I could say anything about it. I’m not actually gonna shit-talk Bumbleby much as I have a few select words on how that ship has, uh...Basically it’s to avoid the bleeding obvious and just talk about positive stuff here.

Sun Wukong is one of my favorite RWBY characters. And the relationship he had with Blake, even though it remained a friendship in canon really resonated with me as someone who has been through a similar plight with abusive relationships like Blake.

Weiss is my top favorite, don’t get me wrong, but seeing Sun keep up a positive face for Blake and his other friends just really brings me some joy with the goodest of bois.

Also their cuteness. Hee~!

Cool Jazz

we need more of it

CUTENESS OVERLOAD

why not

the sexiest pair

Hey, I like Iceberg. But this is another Weiss ship that’s grown on me faster than how quickly the rate at which players rushed to find the megalodon shark in Battlefield 4.

I’ll admit that Cool Jazz was kinda “eh” to me at first since I didn’t have a set Weiss ship when I first discovered it. Yeah, Iceberg was on the table but I was on the fence with it at the time simply due to since I was one of *those* dipshits who honest-to-god thought that Neptune was a fuckboi (sorry Lewdy, but I like him now homegirl) since I honest-to-Christ didn’t know any better.

Ever since I discovered more art of it, and was surprised to hear how many people shipped it along with my friends who liked Iceberg, I realized with horror that I was into Cool Jazz. Don’t get me wrong, I love the dynamic of it with Weiss dating a commoner (JacquesXEternal suffering forever) just to shy further away from her stigma as a noble. And looking back in Volume 3, I think that more interactions with her and Flynt were in order in V7.

Some good stuff there.

Ironwitch

would read a fic about it

Soulmates

we need more of it

I’m not necessarily crazy about Ironwitch as I am more chill about the idea of it.

There are similar ships with the whole serious character/serious character vibe. Monochrome, for instance. Which is fine, given how many serious character/funny character ships there are. White Rose, BlackSun, Renora, just to name a few. But enough babbling, what do I like about this one?

Well, much as I’m not one to cry out for diversity in many cases, this is one ship where I’m attracted to the respective backgrounds of James and Glynda. I don’t mind them being portrayed as just business partners, but this is another one that quickly grew on me.

Ironwood is a military man whose knowledge lies in warfare and maintaining relations between the public and the armed forces. As a civilian who never served, a lot of military guys I’ve met are the ones you should be asking with just how stressful it is serving in such a position for a senior officer with such a massive reputation.

Glynda, meanwhile, is also a disciplinarian who is basically teaching kids to be like child soldiers in the fight against Grimm. Both have the same jobs, yes, but I really think that whatever past backstories they had would have revealed just how deep their partnership went before the whole shadow war escalated.

Tell you the truth, I’m picturing Ironwitch as a ship with a lot of backstory potential given how close the two are. And minor thing, but, I like the idea of Glynda being playful with James when they’re out of sight. It’s just a really cute image which I can’t help but find amusement out of.

Gemstone

CUTENESS OVERLOAD

why not

would read a fic about it

Yeah, this one right here is kind of a cop out with it being a “foe yay” ship. Doubly so with this being a F/F ship which I know is a point of contention in the FNDM these days. But it’s my list. So let’s talk about it.

Emerald Sustrai is a bit of an oddity in the FNDM. On one hand, there are fans who find her to be sympathetic with how clingy she is with Cinder when Cinder is basically using her as a puppet in her bidding.

I don’t necessarily “hate” Emberald since that’s not the kind of abuse I’m familiar with. But I definietly see why people would hate it and have no patience, knowing how contentious Cinder happens to be.

On the other, there are fans who think that Emerald is just there and wouldn’t be caught dead reading anything about her. Certainly, she’s been part of a lot of interesting ships lately.

Among one of these is Gemstone. AKA Emerald/Ruby. Hear me out for a second, peeps.

I like Gemstone not because I’m big on villain redemption stuff in RWBY fanworks. But because I like the idea of it being seen where Emerald is actually in a happy, healthy relationship with someone who supports her unlike Cinder. Seeing a cinnamon roll like Ruby be a part of that just really made me think about my history with abuse.

Thing is, I’ve been in relationships like that which involve manipulative behavior and promises of this-or-that. While Emerald isn’t one of my S-tier RWBY characters, I still think that she has room for a lot of development as someone who’s not portrayed in an evil light.

There’s also Topaz (Emerald/Jaune) if I can’t find any Gemstone works. Sure, there are other ships like Emercury (which I’m also warming up to a little). But I think that Gemstone is filling that void for now until I can look more into Emercury for the time being.

I also like the red/green color schemes. Just really pleasing to the eyes. Next!

Silent Knight

hELL YES

the sexiest pair

would read a fic about it

I SHIP IT

Another “foe yay” ship that I’ve developed a soft spot for. Let’s face it, this probably wouldn’t be a shipping list without including at least one Jaune ship, wouldn’t it?

The reason I ship Jaune with Neo is because I like the inversion of the “good-girl-meets-bad-boy” trope. Instead, we get a good boy meeting a bad girl who I think really helps bring out the wild side in Jaune.

Not at the level of committing crimes like Neo does, but in a more lax AU or shipping fan work, I’m really enamored with the idea of her letting Jaune not worry about being such a “good boi” or “bean” all the time because, I like Jaune, but that’s not all he has to be in fanon.

Perhaps what I’m trying to say is that Neo would be the right amount of crazy for Jaune to handle given how many ships he’s in with a couple of women and girls on the show who are associated with being a little nutty.

I just like Silent Knight. Simple.

And that is about it. I thought this would be a decent post to put out given my current bout of writer’s block, and I hope whoever comes across this list that you enjoyed reading it as I enjoyed writing about it.

Want me to make another? Lemme know, and I’ll see what I can do.

@laserdog10​ @lewdnepvasilias666​ @darksaiyangoku​ @becauseihaveyou​ @bssaz97​ @ezroar​ @the-blue-quetzalcoatl​ @rozanime​ @nix-nihil​ @kali-tmblr​

[irrevocably-delicious]

A Brief History of LGBT+ Characters and Why the Death of Adam in Voltron is Worth Being Upset About

So uh.... Good morning.

So I think it’s pretty obvious by now that the reception to season 7 has been less than... good. The fan base has been shattered. People are upset, angry, and abandoning this series in droves (I’ve lost over 50 followers as I write this, just from people no longer wanting anything to do with this show) and have been incredibly vocal as to the reason why.

They killed Adam. 

After two weeks of receiving praise for the relationship that was revealed at San Diego Comic Con, fans discovered on Friday night that Adam’s existence would be short lived, further contributing to this popular “Bury Your Gays” trope. 

And I’ve seen people confused at this outcry. They don’t understand why people are so upset at this tiny side character’s death. What’s the big deal, right? It’s war! There’s supposed to be casualties!

And to that kind of response I have to narrow my eyes and go:

“Oh.... maybe you understand the history of this.”

Because it is a history. A rich one. “Bury your gays” isn’t a trope in the same why that “Fake dating” is a trope. It’s not popular out of coincidence and I feel like many people are ignorant of that, which is FAIR! Because most voltron fans are young, most tumblr users are young, so I don’t expect you to be watching documentaries on LGBT+ cinema in between studying for your chemistry exams. 

So that’s where I come in. Buckle in children as I take you on a journey on why the “Bury your gays” trope exists, and the harmful ramifications that it has had on the LGBT+ community since its inception.

So lets go back. Way back to the 1920′s when homosexuality, or at least homosexuality adjacent themes were seen on screen. 

A time where a bro could kiss his bro, and it was seen as heart wrenching and realistic (Wings, 1927). A time where Marlene Dietrich could wear a suit better than a man, and flirt and kiss a lady just because she fucking could (Morocco, 1930). A time where gender roles were a bit looser, and there wouldn’t be an outcry over such imagery.

But as the great depression continued, and film producers became desperate to get butts in seats at the cinema, these LGBT+ themes became outright explicit. Raunchy even. Used for titillation and shock value. 

“Have you seen that new picture, Doris? The one where the roman emperor has the hot male sex slave?? Mmmmm scandalous!”

But with this rise of LGBT+ characters and interactions used for shock value, also came the rise of public outcry. The catholic church (those debbie downers) started boycotting films. This lead to the formation of the PRODUCTION CODE, which is a fancy way to say THE CODE THAT WILL NOW CENSOR THE SHIT OUT OF YOUR FILMS in 1934.

Backed by catholic activists, the code made it impossible for LGBT+ representation to exist on film. 

But did they?? See, this is actually were we start to see the development of “Queer coding”. Where actors and directors got savvy, and let you know a character was gay, whilst never explicitly stating so. It was subtle enough that it got past censors, but clear enough that audience members, especially LGBT+ people, got clued in.

Yeah Peter Lorre, you put that phallus shaped object next to your mouth a lot. They’ll get what your implying, don’t you worry. 

Oh, I’m sorry.... did i say you couldn’t have LGBT+ characters?? My mistake, you totally fucking could. Explicitly even.... if they were the villain. Religious people were totally cool if the villain in your film was LGBT+, because to them, that’s what LGBT+ people were.... villains. 

Film’s like Rebecca, Dracula’s Daughter, and Alfred Hitchcock’s Rope all centre around truly horrifying and despicable villains... who are all gay. LGBT+ villains became such a staple in horror films during this time that it lead to a whole near character archetype! We have the damsel in distress, the heroic soldier, the wise old man, now welcome the rise of the: 

PSYCHO QUEER.

Yikes. 

But why I’m talking about this so much is because this popularity in LGBT+ villains is what creates the “Bury your Gays” trope. 

Because the villains.... always die. 

It’s their comeuppance. Their karma. Of course bad people will die and the heroes will go one to live a happy life! But what crime are we punishing these villains for? 

The message these movies gets across to their audiences is that “If you are gay, you are a bad person... and bad people deserve to die”. Because Gay and villain were so synonymous with each other, they become one in the same, and as we all know by now REPRESENTATION MATTERS.

This influences how society views LGBT+ people, so that in 1952, when the PRODUCTION CODE of YOU BETTER NOT CONDONE ANYTHING SINFUL IN HERE BECAUSE JESUS DOESN’T LIKE THAT is torn down, things still don’t get much better for LGBT+ representation. 

LGBT+ characters no longer have to be villains, but society is still not super cool with LGBT+ people, so now we get a new archetype: The self hating tragic gay character. And often? These characters kill themselves, such as in 1961′s The Children’s Hour. Because this is palatable to audiences who do not condone homosexuality in any way, but watching an LGBT+ struggle with themselves? Watching them become overwhelmed by guilt and hatred until they decide that death is the only way out? How tragic! How cursed they are! How pitiful! How... marketable. 

But to see LGBT+ characters end up happy? Audiences at this time would not have stomached it, because to them, being LGBT was immoral and these characters were not deserving of happiness. A good analogy might be how modern audiences would view a film with a drug addict character in it. The addict either succumbs to their addiction and dies tragically, or they “Go straight” and have a happy ending. For these audiences in the 50s and 60s the only happy ending was a straight ending. 

Then in 1969 we get the Stonewall Riots, and in the 1970s things actually look alright.

That is until the 1980s and society finds a new reason to hate, fear and vilify LGBT+ people. The AIDS crisis wipes out lives and almost all positive representation in the media. This fear is echoed in film as LGBT+ people become villains again. Sleepaway Camp and Cruising are such examples. 

The 90′s are better. Whilst mainstream cinema is still vilifying LGBT+ in the 80s, more positive independent films still exist, and the success of the 1991 documentary Paris is Burning prompts Hollywood to go “Hey... maybe we can get some money if we pander to these LGBT+ folks”.

There is a brief period in the 90s where gay comedies like The Birdcage, In and Out, and To Wong Foo are allowed to exist. They’re comedies. The stereotypes are played for laughs, but there is a level of joy and care with these movies where even though these characters are making us laugh... for once we’re not laughing at them. We love these characters. We want them to succeed. No. One. Dies. 

It smells like progress. Finally.

Or at least it would. Because these films also exist in the same decade that Philadelphia wins Oscars and the musical Rent is winning Tonys. Both of these deal with the tragedy of the AIDS crisis and have main characters die from the disease. Am I going to point out that Rent has four characters suffering from AIDS, but the only one to die is the Trans-coded poc gay man? Yes. Yes I am. Meanwhile the heterosexual couple suffering from AIDS gets a happy ending.

Interesting. 

I hate you Rent. I hate you so goddamned much.

Also the 90s sees a good return to queer-coding villains. It’s always been there. It’s never really gone away, but I need to talk about the queer coding of 90′s villains because I’m sure all of you will actually recognise them.

Ah. There They are. Queer coding and Disney have a very rich history, which MANY articles have been written on. One might even say that it’s a... tale as old as time.

Mmmm no thank you. 

But why it is so rampant, particularly in animated films, is because the films have a limited run time. 

“We need to convince the audience that these characters are villains IMMEDIATELY. We don’t really have the time to waste on developing them and showing all their evil actions. We need audiences to believe when we tell them that these characters are bad. how do we do that?”

“.... make them kinda gay??”

That’s not actually how the conversation went in the board room, I’m sure, but it’s a very reduced down version. Because of the history of LGBT+ villains in the early years of cinema, animation relies on the stereotypes of villainous characters... well unfortunately those villains of old were LGBT+, so now we have LGBT+ stereotypes being passed on to new villains. 

Anyway, my point is that almost all Disney villains die. Sorry that’s where I was going with this. Most of them die. The “Bury your Gays” trope is repeated here because of the villain’s queer coding. It’s not obvious, but the subtext is “Hey, if you’re a bit effeminate or do things outside of your strict gender role? Mmmmmm you deserve to die.”

“Bury your Gays” continues in modern media. Despite the importance of Brokeback Mountain, which explicitly shows a romance and intimacy between two men... Jake Gyllenhaal’s character still dies, and it’s implied that it may be due to a hate crime. 

We see it in television. Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Downton Abbey, Arrow, there was a massive outcry over the trope in The 100 when a female character, after just entering an intimate relationship with another female character, is killed off seemingly senselessly. 

The LGBT+ community is tired of only seeing themselves killed for shock value, character growth, or tragedy. Even Ru Paul’s Drag Race has come under fire in recent years for seemingly exploiting its contestants traumatic histories for ratings. 

This is why this year’s Love, Simon was so important. The film portrays an adolescent gay character as he struggles with being open with his sexuality and finding a meaningful relationship. Simon is portrayed as a sympathetic character. He’s the hero.

And he gets a happy ending.

This is why Korrasami, a same-sex relationship in children’s media, is so important. It shows two girls achieving their happy ending together.

It’s why in the same year that Steven Universe portrays a same sex wedding, Adam’s death feels like such a step backwards. 

The producers have stated that Adam’s death was supposed to raise the stakes of the season, it was supposed to make viewers realise the severity of the situation and overcome them with a feeling of loss, but Adam’s death doesn’t just fail the LGBT+ fans... it fails to effect viewers emotionally.

Because audiences can’t mourn a character that they have no connection with.

Most of Adam’s character was developed in interviews and not in the show, where he only spoke for one scene. The creators talked about the deep relationship between Adam and Shiro, but none of that is actually visible in the series. Taking the season at face value, Adam is just some guy who’s connected to Shiro that is killed off unceremoniously. He wasn’t even given the dignity of  hero’s death, taking out even one enemy before he died. That’s what hurts the most.

His death is meaningless. It does nothing. It’s pointless.

But of course “There’s still Shiro, right?”, which is true. Shiro still exists and is confirmed a mlm, which is important, but it’s understandable why fans may not be satisfied with this. Let’s take a closer look at Shiro.

I often joke with my friends that Voltron should be renamed Shiro Suffers: The Series, because out of all the characters in the show, Shiro has definitely endured and been subjected to the worst (you could argue that Allura has, but Shiro has the joy of being tortured emotionally and physically, so I feel he wins). 

The writers have tried to kill him numerous times, with only toy sales saving him. He’s been beaten, tortured, terminally ill, killed, revived, possessed and used... it’s a lot. In the old days, I used to ship shallura, not really out of feeling a real romantic connection between the characters, but just because I wanted Shiro to have someone. Someone to help support him. Someone he could open up about his struggles with. The paladins mean a lot to Shiro, but because he is their surrogate guardian, he cannot open up to them like this. He cannot show the paladins weakness, and we see this in how he keeps his disease a secret from Keith, because he does not want to burden Keith with his struggle. 

The introduction of Adam wasn’t just exciting because of the potential of seeing a caring LGBT+ relationship, but because it gave fans hope that Shiro would have someone. There was the potential that Shiro might finally gain some kind of supportive relationship outside of his strict roles of “leader” and “guardian”.

Adam’s death removes that possibility. Despite how caring, generous, strong, intelligent, kind, patient and capable Shiro is written... his life is fucking awful. It’s very telling that in the final scene of the season, when every other paladin is in the hospital surrounded by their family and loved ones, Shiro is alone. He’s on a stage, giving a rousing speech to a crowd, still trapped in this role as an inspirational leader.

God, they don’t even let Shiro mourn Adam. Does he feel guilty that he was the one who supposed to die, whilst Adam lived, but now their roles are reversed?We’ll never know. Adam’s death doesn’t even give some insight into Shiro’s character. It’s truly pointless.

Season 7 of Voltron has made it clear that this is not a kids show.  This is a serious show with dark themes. The writers want it to be taken more seriously.

Then I will critique it more seriously.

While I strongly doubt it was intentional, season 7 perpetuates the age old message “If you are LGBT+, you will not achieve a happy ending.” The “Bury your Gays” trope is steeped in a history of oppression, censorship, and vilification. When Adam dies, you’re not just seeing a character die, but you’re seeing the series make a conscious decision to participate in this oppressive trope. And it stings even more because the series sets two heterosexual relationships to potentially end in happiness, whilst the LGBT+ relationships have already ended in tragedy.

Why Adam? Why not literally anyone else? We had no connection to him, so it’s not like they could have used a handful of other characters for the same effect. (Kill James. Fuck that guy. And he’s young so it really would have hurt.)

And that’s what you have to question. This is why fans are upset.

I’m not writing this to convince anyone to boycott the show, or plead with you to stop watching. That’s up to you and your own belief system. I definitely do not condone harassing the writers or voice actors.

I just want people to understand why fans are so upset over season 7, and that they have every right to be. To state that the outcry is just because “fans didn’t see their ships become canon” is dismissive and cruel. Adam and Shiro’s relationship was heavily used in marketing by Netflix, so much so that you could call it queer-baiting. It was hyped at SDCC and explained as this deep and meaningful relationship, whilst the producers knew what Adam’s fate would be the whole time. 

I know producers have to answer to higher ups. I know the crew were largely on edge about what would get approved and what would not. 

But the point remains... they still made this conscious choice. Fans don’t have to be happy about it. They shouldn’t be. 

I have no idea what season 8 will bring, and at this point I feel like it might be a mess. But I encourage fans to support each other and be vocal about why you’re upset. You can’t change this show, but there’s hope that another series could learn from this. 

History repeats. Until we don’t let it. 

[xxisxxisxxis]

Gateway Drug | Part Twenty-Seven

Table of Content or Part Twenty-Six

Pairing: Douglas Booth!Nikki Sixx x OC

Word Count: 2.3k

Warning(s): Language, Hints at drug use

A/N: This wasn't the entire chapter, however tumblr's being weird and won't even let me create a new draft right now let alone let me upload a 4,044 worded text post so I'll upload the second part of this asap (probably tomorrow of they get their shit fixed on here) and there will be another update Friday. Have a good night:)

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-------------------------------------------------------

I smooth my wavey hair down, taking the last giant velcrow roller out before putting my lipstick on and leaving the bathroom, looking for the car keys, unable to find them.

"Nikki, babe, where are the keys?" I call to him, looking in the kitchen and living room, heading to our bedroom.

He's passed out from a night of partying, Robbin still asleep on the floor.

"Baby." I lightly pat Nikki's face, not having the time to patiently shake him awake.

He groans, scrunching his face and rubbing his eyes.

"What is it?" He asks me, exhausted.

"Where are the car keys?"

"Mine or your's?" He questions, blinking at me to clear the sleep from his eyes.

"Your's. I can't drive mine until we get the driver's side window fixed, remember?"

"What? What happened to it?" He sits up and I raise my brows.

"Uh, well, you put your fist through it?" I remind him and he exhales.

"Oh...yeah." He replies. "They're in my pants pocket."

I don't give him time to reach for them himself.

My hand is in his pants pocket, grabbing his keys and pulling them out.

"Bye, love y-love, I'll see you when I get back." I stutter to cover my slip up, cutting myself off immediately before I can say, "love you", even though I've never called Nikki "love" before.

He doesn't notice it.

"See you when you get back." He mumbles once he's laying back down.

I slip my kitten heels on and head out.

"I love you" was one of the biggest Elephants in the room between Nikki and I.

We should have said it and we knew that, but we just didn't say it.

At first I was waiting for him to say it, then he never did...so I just decided it was something we wouldn't do.

Love's an action instead of an emotion, anyway, so I didn't think it was a big deal that neither of us had heard it from the other because we showed each other we loved each other in other ways...until we didn't anymore...and started keeping score, measuring who was winning by who was hurting who more, instead of trying to be better to each other.

I had to face that ugly reality when we were both screaming "I hate you" with Fred and Doc trying to break up one of our argument-turned-near-fist fights backstage at the last North American show of "Girls, Girls, Girls."

That was the night I got pregnant with my first son, Monroe, and the man barking about how much he hated me, isn't the father.

It's safe to say I won.

My heels click down the concrete stairs of the church as I walk to Nikki's black corvette after service is over, furrowing my brows the closer I get, seeing a white slip of paper tucked under the windsheild wiper.

I pluck the paper off and see it's a ticket for $350.00 with "BROKEN TAIL LIGHT" marked on it.

"My tail light isn't broken." I argue to myself, stepping around the back.

The entire left side set of lights are busted with signs of swapped paint where someone hit the car with their's and I open my mouth to speak but no words come out.

I stand and stare at the paper, then the busted light, tears oncoming the more I look at it.

Nikki is going to kill me.

I hear a car pull up behind me and park on the curb of the street but I don't pay any attention, too busy figuring out how to explain this.

"Hey, uh, Vivian?"

I turn to see Duff, wiping my eyes quickly.

"Duff?" I'm caught off guard by my recently new friend. "I've told you just call me 'Viv'." I tell him, sniffling and he furrows his brows, stopping in front of me where I'm now standing by the driver's door of the corvette.

"You alright?"

"Yeah." It's an obvious lie, a pathetic squeak leaving me.

"What's up?" He asks me and I lick my lips and sigh out.

"It's stupid." I mumble, rolling my eyes.

"What happened?"

I just hand him the ticket and he takes in a sharp breath, his brows shooting up.

"Jeezus." He lets out. "You just got this?"

"Yes." My voice cracks and he looks at me with sympathetic eyes.

"Viv, c'mon, it's not that bad. It'll be alright." He tries to reassure me.

"Oh, no, no, no...that's not all." I say, walking to the back and he follows me, not hiding the gasp that leaves his lips. Nikki is going to kill me."

There's a silent pause as I rest against the back of the corevette, crossing my arms, trying to figure out how I'm going to present the $350.00 ticket to my husband.

Duff leans against it beside me, avoiding the broken bits, thinking for a second, too, before reaching into his jacket pocket.

"Here." He grabs my hand, putting a wad of cash into it and I look at him, confused. "For the ticket." He explains and I shake my head.

"N-No. I can't take this from you, you need it." I argue, wiping more tears.

He goes to say something but I cut him short. "If you say that you don't need it, I'm going to hit you. You live in your car, Duff. You've been talking about getting a new place and this is part of the rent for an apartment." I point out, handing the cash back to him.

"Whatever you say." He shrugs, putting it back in his jacket.

We sit for a moment longer before he nudges me with his elbow.

"You hungry?" He asks and I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Stop offering to spend your money on me." I chuckle and he smiles.

"Actually, I know a place the both of us can eat and it would only cost the price of one beer." He tells me and I raise my brows.

It was the first of many Sunday lunches at this hotel a few blocks away that offered an "all you can eat" buffet if you just buy a bottle of beer.

I listen as Duff goes on about possible members of the potential band he wants to be a part of.

A drummer named Steven, who has a lot of extra drums in his kit than what's needed but he's a hell of a drummer.

A Johnny Thunders look alike-that isn't that great on a guitar but makes it sound cool anyway-that goes by the name Izzy.

And a kind of weird kid that apparantly has massive hair and is super shy but speaks a billion words a minute through his guitar: Slash.

"And Slash and Steven are buddies, but I don't know if they've ever met Izzy or not." He tells me, sipping the beer neither of us were carded for, even though we're only twenty.

"What style of singer do you have in mind?" I ask, taking a bite out of my mozerella stick.

"Someone who gets the punk scene, but not necessarily a punk singer." He tells me and I wrinkle my nose. "Don't do that." He points at me, knowing exactly what I'm about to say.

"Punk?"

"Don't say it like that." He laughs. "You don't like it because you don't understand it."

"I understand it and I respect it, I just don't..." I try to choose my words. "...I like some of it, but most of it I don't really care for."

"How the hell do you survive not liking punk? It's the biggest 'fuck you' to societal standards." He defends the genre.

"I like the Ramones, The Stooges, the New York Dolls." I tell him, even though they were all acquired tastes because I have to listen to them so much due to Nikki.

"What about The Sex Pistols?" Duff suggests.

"I did, until Sid killed Nancy." I shrug.

"Oh, c'mon, Viv, you really believe that propaganda bullshit made up by the conservative media to further their anti-punk/rock agenda and get a good check? He did not kill her." He argues.

"They'd been binging on all kinds of drugs for weeks. I'm not saying he meant to, maybe he was hallucinating and genuinely didn't realize it was her until it was too late, but he did it." I state.

"Nope."

"Oh, okay, so it was the body guard?"

"I think it was a double suicide attempt." He explains and I lean back. "His just didn't work."

"If it was a double suicide, why didn't he just use the knife she used and bleed to death like she did?" I question.

"Maybe he didn't want to be stabbed."

"If he was going to die, what would it matter?" I ask and he shakes his head a little with a small grin pulling at his lips.

"Hi, my name is Vivian Estine Sixx and I can argue with a brick wall for five hours straight." He mocks me and I cut my eyes at him.

We just stare at each other, and he attempts to take another drink of his beer while we have our staring contest, and the both of us crack up simultaneously, and he sprays beer through his lips and nose, further egging my laughter on.

I get home around four in the afternoon after spending three hours talking to Duff, and my stomach's sore from laughing so much.

"Viv?" Nikki calls from the bathroom and I walk in to see him teasing his hair.

He's shirtless, his black jeans are unbuttoned and unzipped, exposing some of his pubic hair and I lick my lips.

"Did you have fun?" He asks in a teasing tone, referring to the oh-so-wild church service I attend as much as I can, and I roll my eyes and lean against the sink beside him, crossing my arms.

"Yes, I did." I reply, not able to meet his eyes because I'm too focused on his exposed skin.

"What took you so long to get back?" He asks next.

I know, I know, "if it was innocent then there should be nothing to hide and you should be able to tell him you were with another man."

It wasn't Tommy, Mick, Robbin or Vince, and he never met Duff.

He didn't trust men he'd never met around me.

So if I would have told him, I would have never heard the end of it.

"Long sermon." I lie, and he looks at me and furrows his brows.

"Have you been crying? Your mascara's smudged." He tells me, his thumb swiping right under my bottom lash line to wipe away dried mascara and I'm suddenly hit with the realization that I have a $350.00 ticket.

"It was a good sermon." I say.

He finishes his hair, turning to look at me.

"Me and the guys are going to the Rainbow tonight." He tells me. "You're comin', right?"

"Yes." I nod, grinning.

"Good. I gotta go get the oil changed and I'll be back to pick you up." He steps out of the bathroom to go get dressed and I follow him.

Once he's got his t-shirt that has "FUCK" written across the front, he's pulling his jacket and boots on.

When he's gotten his boots on, he stands up from the matress of our bed, and I grab at the top of his jeans, pulling him closer to me, standing on my tip toes to press my lips to his.

He kisses me, his hands holding at either side of my jaw.

When we pull away, he smiles, kissing my cheek before grabbing his keys and leaving.

The second he's gone I'm darting to my purse, attempting to find the ticket, praying I didn't leave it in the car.

Once I see it's not in my purse, I let out a deep breath and worry that I've lost it.

"Damnit." I mumble, trying to remember the last place I had it. "The church parkinglot with Duff but..." I trail off, thinking of the possibility of it being left in the parkinglot and I groan out.

There's no way it's still there if that's where it got left.

I decide to figure it out later and go wash away my worn off makeup before reapplying it and changing clothes, waiting for Nikki to get back.

I'm finishing putting on ruby red lipstick when I hear the front door slam and I tense up and put the cap back on the tube before peeking my head out the door and seeing Nikki put his keys and a piece of paper on the counter, frustration taking a stance in his movements.

Pretending nothing's wrong, I walk out of the bathroom and across the floor to our bedroom to grab my purse and put my heels on.

Once they're on, I walk back into the kitchen smile at him.

"C'mon, babe." I nudge him as I walk past him to get to the door.

He grabs my arm, though, causing me to stop and he pulls me back, pushing me against the counter, trapping me when he puts his hands on the counter on either side of me and his face is centimeters from mine.

"You wouldn't know anything about the completely shattered tail light on my car, would you?" He asks me calmly.

"No?" I lie, trying to seem confused, but it's clear he's not buying it.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

He just stares at me and I slide my hands up and down his arms, smiling nervously.

"Can we go, now?" I ask, kissing his cheek.

"I spent $100.00 to get it fixed today." He explains. "Did you back into something or did someone hit the car?"

"I told you I didn't even know about it, babe." I argue calmly. "Can we leave and just go back and forth about this later? We're gonna be late."

He gives me one last stare before sighing out, letting me go and I make sure to beat him to the car by several strides, frantically searching for the ticket when I get in, not finding it, before he gets in beside me.

[milk-luvr-dot-com]

“A New Assistant” - The Thick Of It - Chapter 3

Summary: Nicola juggles a grieving redhead and a moronic, neurotic press advisor. Ivy and Malcolm have a falling out.

Word Count (this chapter): 5108

Rating: Mature (For adult situations, language)

Warnings: No Ao3 Warnings, Explicit Language, homophobic language, fatphobic language, sexist language, ablest language, implied/referenced past abuse

Categories: F/M, Gen

Tags: Falling in love, crushes, comedy, slow burn, explicit language, original  female characters, AU - canon divergence, mutual pining, friendship, friends to lovers, angst, implied/referenced past abuse, additional tags to be added

Chapter 1, Chapter 2

Full chapter and Ao3 link under the cut.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/24510592/chapters/59509222

Ivy and Malcolm walked down the halls of the hotel, briskly, and popping along the way to say hello to mindless news people and other members of the cabinet, who were all nervously preparing and memorizing speeches. Ivy wasn't sure why Malcolm had invited her. She was gonna be like a bump on a log the whole weekend, since she was still too new to fully deal with the press on her own. Maybe Malcolm saw it as a training opportunity. Maybe he just wanted to not deal with a bunch of bullshit this weekend. Maybe he just wanted to spend time with her.

The latter was what was actually true. Malcolm just wanted to spend time alone with Ivy. I mean, it wasn't weird to invite your assistant with you to the party conference, right? It wasn't weird to get a room with two twin beds. Right?

Well, actually. Touch of a problem with that. As sitcom as it is, when they opened the door to the room, there was only one bed. A queen size bed. It's as if the fucking people who booked the hotel were trying to tell them something. It was actually pretty likely, rather, because they both had recently pissed off one of the desk jockeys in the department. It wouldn't have been hard to make a quick last-minute change.

"You're actually fucking kidding me, right?" Malcolm said, massaging the bridge of his nose as they entered.

"I'll sleep on the couch."

"What? No. No, I'll just call and ask for a room change. Hang on." He set his small suitcase down and made his way over to the side of the bed with the phone. He sunk in immediately. The bed creaked dreadfully. He cringed.

She sat about 3/4 of the way down the bed on the opposite side of him.

"Hello, sorry, is it possible we could get a room change? You see it's just that-... Jesus Christ, you're kidding. FUCK!" He slammed the phone down, rubbing his face. She whipped her head around. "Hm?"

"They're completely booked. No other rooms."

"Looks like I'm sleeping on the couch, then." She shrugged, looking back and staring at the painting hanging on the wall above the dresser. It had blues coinciding with a dash of yellow, a close-up of a field of forget-me-not flowers. "Pretty painting."

Malcolm was lost in thought, staring at the neutral carpet grain that hadn't been changed since the 70s. "Huh?"

"That painting. It's pretty. I don't know the name of those flowers. And trust me, I've seen a lot of flowers, I used to work in the funeral industry."

He turned, shifting further down the bed. "They look familiar." Ivy looked over at him, confused. "My mother used to garden. I'd help her occasionally."

She smiled, in a snarky manner. "Malcolm Tucker's a poof."

"Shut up. Right," he clapped, rising. "We've got to get a wiggle on, we've got reporters to jack off."

She stood up as well, following him. "A wiggle on?"

"You know what I mean. Come on, come on, come on."

  They met up with some press people, among other friendly faces. It was still fairly early. T minus 2 hours until Nicola inevitably embarrasses herself.

"I mean, these are the worst pictures I've seen, really, they are. I don't know who was taking them." He pointed to one of his mates' ID badge photos. The bloke picked it up, looking at it briefly. "They've got Roy fucking Orbison doing that."

"I've heard he wasn't even blind." Ivy added, elbowing him. She was purposefully trying to embarrass him, as a joke. 

"Malcolm?" The woman who's badge read Angela Heaney inquired.

"Yeah?"

"Have you seen Rob Holt's blog today?"

"Oh, yeah, of course, I read Rob Holt's blog. I read all the blogs. 'Cause basically I'm an underemployed fat fucking loser. Got nothing better to do with my time than sit in my bedroom like a fat space-hopper in a tracksuit, reading inconsequential, unspellchecked shit, fabricated by other fat, farting, fucking losers."

Ivy pressed her lips together, going wide eyed briefly to show her annoyance, albeit agreement. Angela began to explain, "Well, he's saying that the big health numbers in the PM's speech, they're from a false sample. Apparently, they're lifted from Andrew Dover's blog, not ONS."

Malcolm shot a look at Ivy, who immediately pretended to take a call, and walk off. "I wouldn't take any notice of it. There's nothing in that at all." He said.

"Nothing?"

"Nope, nothing. Catch you laters, alright?" He walked away, joining Ivy, who looked at him as soon as she said, "Whoever fucking leaked it is going to be leaking drool for the next six months after I've beat them into a shell of a human with a golf club. Fix it, or you'll hear worse from Malcolm. Right. Bye."

"Jesus. You're really hurling the colorful insults now."

She brushed past him, and began walking to their next destination. He followed. "Well, I learned from the best."

“Okay. So,” He clapped, “I need to phone the PM and tell him.”

“Uh, we could go up to the halls. No one’s up there.”

“Yes, right,” he pointed at her, “good. Get away from all these leeching journalists.” 

They took the lift up a couple levels. Ivy didn’t expect him to stay near the lifts. No, Malcolm liked pacing. She wasn’t sure if it was a nervous habit of his (because she wasn’t sure if Malcolm was ever nervous,) or if walking around just made him feel important. Either scenario was realistic.

They lurked around the halls. Ivy was pretty sure their room was nearby. Maybe she’d pressed the same button as before by muscle memory. She could hear background chatter from various rooms of important people cheersing and toasting for important causes. But it was mostly drowned out by Malcolm’s stern voice. Being honest with herself, Malcolm was more important than anyone in those rooms.

She expected to get ambushed at least once by some eavesdropping journalist, like Nicola did. Oh, who was she kidding, Malcolm wouldn’t let that happen. He’s got a stick far too up his arse for that. He was like a light sleeping soldier in a warzone with that sort of thing.

What they did get ambushed by, instead was the crack-addicted Timothee Chalamet (Or Olly, if you prefer,) and a ginger woman.

“Oh, hey, Malcolm, Ivy. How’s it hanging?”

“Like the Gardens of Babylon. Do you know where Lord Clarkham’s room is? I’m gonna go and try and stick his balls in his fucking trouser press.”

Ivy looked Olly up and down, then smirked sarcastically, “I see you’ve pulled.” She winked.

“Uh- look this is Julie Price. She is the people’s champion that Nicola is announcing in her speech.”

“Julie Price?” They both stopped in their tracks and turned, shaking hands gently with her.

“I’m so sorry for your loss.”

Ivy cocked her head sympathetically. “It was a massive tragedy, bless you. Are you being looked after? Olly treating you well?”

“Oh- oh not bad, yeah.”

“You stick with Olly. He’s a good guy. I know he looks a bit like an anorexic Leo Sayer, there, but… Hey, could I have a picture taken with you?” He pulled out his phone, handing it to Ivy. “I’ve got a little collection of memories, you know. Mandela and stuff. Ivy, could you do the honors?”

“Mhm! Of course.” She stepped back. “Smile!” She said.

Julie flirtatiously hit Malcolm, calling him a stunner or something along those lines. Ivy took it as an opportunity to mischievously scowl at Olly. “You really are impressive. Hey, do you know who else is impressed by you? The PM.” He mentioned, grinning.

“He has a nice part in his speech where he’d be honored to introduce you and have you on. If, you’re up to that, that is.” She clasped her hands in front of her.

“B-But that might clash, a bit. Uh, you know because Nicola’s having her on.” Olly said, looking pathetic.

Julie excused herself to the restrooms. Olly clenched his fists, desperately trying to convince Malcolm otherwise. “Y-You can’t do that!”

“You gonna stamp your foot and slam the door to your bedroom next, little Timmy?” Ivy mocked.

“Boo-hoo, Olly. Can do, have done.”

“You want us to think of a whole entire new speech in 2 hours? 2 hours?”

“We don’t want you to do anything, but if you’d like to keep your reputation and probably your jobs, you will.”

“But that’s not fair!” He made a concerned face.

“Suck it up, fuckface. If she goes on with Nicola, she’ll be watched by 15 house-bound mouthbreathers. And the swelling ranks of the unemployed, who hate us, by the way. If she goes on with Tom, it’ll make 10:00 o’ clock news.”

“It’s for the greater good.”

“Yes, the greater good, thank you, Ivy.”

“Julie, hello. Feeling better?” Ivy smiled gently, yet falsely. “So, what’ll it be, Julie? Would you like to stick with Olly here, or do you want to run with Tom, or sorry-” She laughed, as if to seem sweet. “The PM, for your speech?”

“Uh.. I’m going with the big boys.”

“Great! Good, yes, the big boys.” Malcolm said.

“Oh, sorry Olly. It was lovely meeting you.”

“Right this way, we’ll introduce you to the PM.” They walked off, leaving Olly a pathetic begging loser. They walked down the hall, standing either side of Julie like bodyguards for organized crime. Malcolm began making light conversation.

“Are you in the hotel?”

“Oh yes.”

“Oh, lovely.”

“Well,” she chuckled, “I wouldn’t call it lovely.”

They laughed along. “Oh, John!” Ivy called the bearded bloke from earlier over, who looked like he was in a rush. But he was always that way, she guessed.

“This is John, the press organizer.”

“Yes, we’ve met before.”

“Oh, have you, lovely! Are you a texter?” At some point, Julie began fiddling with her phone, and appeared to be texting someone. Malcolm shot a look to Ivy, then glanced briefly at John. She nodded.

“I’ll be with you in a minute.”

“Excuse us for just a tick.” Ivy pinched the sleeve of John’s suit jacket, dragging him down the hall a bit. “Look, okay. I need you to just casually mention to Alan Dunn and…  I guess Lindsay Anorexi at The Mail, that the PM has commandeered Julie Price for his speech. Okay?”

She turned, but was cut off. “B-But that’s not strictly true, is it?”

“Yeah, and strictly come dancing isn’t strictly dancing, there’s also a bit at the beginning where an old man dribbles. So what?” She got in his face. She was going for intimidation, but it was clear John was uncomfortably turned on. So she guessed she’d settle for dominatrix.

“I-I don’t know what that means, but-”

 Just then, Glenn came hobbling down the hall like a washed-old Bradley Walsh look-alike in a Sainsbury’s cracker aisle. Ivy didn’t notice, but Malcolm sure did.

Glenn brushed past Ivy. “Oh, Glenn, I can see you’re a tad peeved.” He got in Malcolm’s face.

“I’m not having it, you’ve gone too far!”

“Get a grip, Glenn. I didn’t fucking cum in your fucking mouth.”

John began laughing, which caused Glenn to turn attention to both Ivy and him. “Are you in on this?”

“Nope, just following orders. Like a nazi guard.” He did the anti-semetic salute. “You’re not Jewish, are you?”

“...No?”

“Oh, good.”

“Ivy, can you take her?” She nodded. “Julie, if you could just step in there for a moment and have a chat with some lovely people. Have some tea and biscuits. We’ve got to deal with a um… internal issue. You do understand, don’t you? Good, go on.” She didn’t wait for a response, she just shoved her gently into the room.

“You,” Malcolm pointed at John, “fucking Henry the 8th’s lobotomized cousin, piss off and back to your sad job.”

John, did not in fact, piss off. The dank cream colored hallway slowly grew more lively with increasingly angry chatter paired nicely with erupting laughter from important people in important rooms. Like a fucking wine and cheese pairing. Malcolm and Glenn were bickering about Julie, which had an intermission with one of Malcolm’s famous quips, “Oh, shit, wow here’s the beige fucking power ranger now!”

Glenn continued, pushing harder each time. “We’re taking her back!”

Olly, John, and  Ivy began trying to diffuse the situation. She swore to herself this was the last time they were going to agree on anything. 

“Can we get a bit more sane about this?”

“Malcolm, calm down, please. Glenn, just fuck off and help glummy mummy write her new speech. Let it go!”

“Let’s not argue here!”

Glenn continued insisting, getting redder and redder with rage. Malcolm grew more and more annoyed. Ivy’s eyes widened, knowing this was going to get ugly quickly (well, actually, the ugliness had already peaked when both Olly and Glenn showed up at the same time.)

Then suddenly, it fucking happened. Ivy shut her eyes, cringing. John covered his mouth. Glenn went down, landing over Olly.

“Malcolm!” Ivy half-shouted, putting herself between Glenn and him in case it continued, her hands on his chest. He seemed to be over it, shaking out his fist in pain. 

“You hit me!” He whimpered out, kneeling on the floor.

“No! I did not hit you! You hurt yourself!” Malcolm lied, artfully. She lowered her arms, knowing the worst was over for now. “Respectfully, what the fuck sir!” She hurriedly whispered.

Glenn whined that he thought his nose was broken. “Noses can’t break, it's a myth.”

“What the fuck are you on about?”

Ivy went to go help, “lean forward, c’mon, mate. I used to be a barmaid, don’t worry, this isn’t the first suckerpunch to the nose I’ve dealt with. Does anyone have a towel? Good, good, yeah. Here you go.” She let him dab the wounded area. She sucked through her teeth, “It doesn’t look good.”

Malcolm told Olly to get him back to this room. Julie was dealt with by John, not very well, but still fine enough. “No one saw that?” He asked Ivy, who was the only other person who remained, and thankfully it was just her. Anyone else would likely have received another of the same if they happened to cross Malcolm. “No, no one. Fuck, Malcolm!”

He hurried off in the direction of their room. He opened the door, letting her in before slamming it back again. “Jesus fucking tapdancing Christ, Malcolm, you broke a man’s nose!”

“Oh, he’s fine.”

“It is so not fucking fine!” She stood there, shocked, choking on words coming out of her mouth. He sat down in the chair that faced the door, looking at her stoically. “Do you know what fucking makes this worse? Hm? This didn’t fucking help anything. Glenn and Olly and Nicola are all still going to be seething with rage at us for taking their fucking star player!”

“So what?”

“So fucking what? You’re actually kidding me. You’re so fucking caught up in the moment, so fucking primal like a tiger looking for it’s next meal. You don’t even fucking think of the future.” Ivy’s voice began breaking, on the verge of tears. “Do you know what all that career hopping taught me? It taught me I was fucking wrong. I was fucking wrong so many, many times. I was so fucking wrong to waste money on schools that got me no more happiness, I was so wrong to waste my remaining teenage years bunging around the cinemas with my friends instead of being at my bedridden mother’s side. And right now, I’m thinking I’m wrong in getting involved with you.”

He slapped the arms of the chair, getting up so fast. “THEN FUCKING LEAVE, IVY! I NEVER ASKED FOR YOU! I NEVER ASKED TO BE AROUND YOU 8 HOURS OF MY FUCKING DAY!” He stood over her. She backed off quickly into the skinny entryway of the room, touching the wall almost. Her eyes widened, out of fear. Making eye contact with him, she let tears begin dripping down her face. She covered her mouth, muffling whimpers of things like “please don’t hit me.”

Malcolm bit his lip, backing up, and pressing his back against the other wise of the entryway. He could have sworn his eyes felt wet with salty droplets, which refused to fall. “I’m sorry.” He whispered.

“What?”

“I’m so fucking sorry, Ivy.”

She stayed quiet for another minute, wiping away her tears, and sniffling. Strangely, she began chuckling. “I’m not the one you should be apologizing to, you stupid old man.”

He furrowed his brow, confused. "I'm gonna go apologize to Glenn for you."

"You don't have to." He covered his mouth, looking down, ashamed.

"I know." She said as she wrapped her arms around him, pulling him into a one-sided hug that didn't last more than a few seconds. He blushed, looking down at her, frozen. "Right, I'll be back later."

  "Jesus, Ivy!" Nicola shouted when she entered the room almost silently.

She didn't react. "You alright, Glenn?"

"I don't want to speak to you Ivy, sorry. Nor Malcolm."

"I think you should leave."

Ivy ignored her, turning to the bathroom door. "I've come to apologize, Glenn. On behalf of myself and Malcolm."

"Oh, what, 'cause Malcolm couldn't do it himself? Had to get his winged monkey to go out here and do it? Fly my pretties, fly!" Olly tacked on to the conversation, helping nothing.

She shot a look at Olly, before turning around and putting her hand on the door frame. "I'm really sorry, mate. Sorry he did that in the heat of the moment, you know? And I'm sorry I didn't stop it, it was really quite stupid and shortsighted of me. We're under a lot of pressure, right now, you know. It's a fucking war zone. We're soldiers, you gotta expect there's just a bit of friendly fire."

"Yeah."

"Good. Good. I would uh, hug you but I don't want to get any blood on my blouse. Shake on it?" She stuck out her hand, and he took it. The half-dried red liquid between their hands squelched disgustingly. She cringed.

Malcolm entered the hotel room, "How's the patient?"

"I'm fine, Malcolm. Just sore." He called out from the bathroom. Ivy ran her hand under water and dried it off with one of the fancy paper towels. "I've already apologized, sir."

Malcolm nodded, clapping and turning to Nicola and Olly. "Alright, so you've lost Julie. You've got a cavity the size of a prisoner's arsehole in your speech. Got a back-up plan?"

"We'll figure it out, thank you."

"Why don't we help you, hm? I mean, it is the least we could do." Ivy piped up.

"Yes, yes, yes, roll some tits up the flagpole and see if anyone gets wood."

"Christ. Okay, well, all we've got is Mannion's second holiday."

Ivy sat down on the couch behind Nicola's chair. Malcolm joined her. The couch was tiny, as was everything else in the room, so they were pretty close quarters. They didn't mind, but Malcolm didn't stay for long. Again, he liked to pace, and pace he did, like a caged tiger. Glenn joined the group, sitting in the remaining single seat. "He works really hard at planning his holidays." Glenn said.

"Fucking A+ quality sarcasm there that you're lobbing at 'em. Boom."

"I feel like I'm in a therapy group being run by my own rapist."

Everyone's cell phones chimed, all in sync. "Oh, shit." One of them said. "It's got out!" Another added. Olly sarcastically said, "No, I thought it was room service cold-calling."

"Who the fuck leaked it? No one saw it, right?" Ivy looked at Malcolm. He was preoccupied checking around the internet. "Fuck! It's on Rob Holt's blog! Okay, we need to get your people's champion out of this hotel, before some tabloid minge-flannel starts soft-soaping her."

"So we've got her back again?" Nicola asked.

"Jesus, don't be so sensitive about this!" Malcolm yelled.

"My fucking responsibility! Fuck the speech!" Nicola yelled also, slamming the door to the bathroom.

"Women! Women, huh? Slamming the fucking door. Where did this idea come from? Wilma! Fuck off." He spat.

She called out to him, "I'm making a phone call."

"Make a phone call, phone a fucking friend." He collapsed next to Ivy again into the couch.

"Women," Ivy mocked in a nasty tone. "Okay, Fred Flintstone."

"Shut up." He smiled, looking at her softly. She giggled.

"God, get a room you two." Olly said, without looking up, continuing to type.

"We have a room, sod off and write your mummy's speech." She squinted at him, crossly

"Ivy, we should go back and get ready for the stupid banquet thing." He touched her shoulder, which caught her off guard. Normally she instigated physical contact. "Right you are, yeah."

  They joined some reporters to have wine and break bread in fancy dress. Malcolm dawned a bow tie, which Ivy made mental note of to make fun of later. Glenn had joined them, feeling a bit better, and no longer bleeding.

"Have a bit more, Glenn, go on." Malcolm poured him a bit more. "Watch your step, though, don't go tripping up again."

"Absolutely." They laughed along.

Angela, same reporter as earlier, piped up. "D-Day. What is it, Malcolm? I thought you were one of the boxers, not the emcee."

"No, I've just got to rear my ugly head, as you would have it, at a few receptions this evening. Including the Rod Hughes do for Tom. Believe me, I'd rather slip into something more comfortable. Like a coma." Again, they laughed along.

The same woman continued, "Malcolm, you've started beating up your own guys. That has to be a bad sign."

"Oh, he didn't hit Glenn," Ivy swiped with her hand, smiling, defending him. "No, I didn't. Why would I do that? And there's no proof that I did."

"Yeah, whatever you say, Malcolm," she chuckled.

"Watch," He threw a fake punch "he doesn't flinch."

"Malcolm wouldn't hurt a fly, and trust me, I'd know, because I've had to roll up Sunday's paper and whap a few in his office for him." Ivy said, grinning.

"We're pals, I mean," He went to go stand next to him, "Look at the size of this guy, I wouldn't hit him. Look, he's a fucking man-mountain!"

"Are you calling me fat?" Glenn jokingly attacked back.

"Heh, that's the banter."

They continued for a few more moments. The conversation was slowing, like a dying fireplace on Christmas eve. Malcolm gave Ivy a look, which said "we've got to get going," and they excused themselves. Once they rounded the corner into the halls once again, they saw John, the fucking idiot, from earlier. They stopped, and Malcolm shoved him into a room. Ivy was a bit concerned, considering that she didn't know who's room that was. She figured she might follow them, eavesdropping on their conversation. Maybe she'd pick up a few classic Tucker scare tactics.

She heard something about tweezers from the twat, something about bullocks, and then finally, she heard Malcolm answer his phone, announcing that Julie was the leak. Something about Twitter.

Malcolm opened the door quickly after that, which startled Ivy half to death. "Were you listening in?"

"Of course I was, I wasn't just going to sit outside the door waiting for you like some primary schooler waiting for her mummy, all arms crossed and lunch box in hand."

He raised an eyebrow, smiling slightly, "...So, anyway, Julie's the leaker."

"I know."

"Well how'd you know, I only found out a minute ago?!" They left the room, almost running into a maid on their way out. He looked at her. "Oh, listening in, right. Sorry, I forgot."

"You're as daft as a goat sometimes, you know, Malcolm?" She teased.

"Shush."

Malcolm and Ivy went to Glenn's room, where the 3 fuckheads of DoSAC were increasingly panicking, trying to finish Nicola's speech while she memorized it.

"Squeeze my cock and call me Nancy," Malcolm announced, pushing open the door to the room and inviting himself inside. "Were you born in a barn, Glenn? Keep the door and your arse cheeks tightly fucking closed, right?"

"That's a fucking tiny kettle. Did they use your dick as a ruler, because boy, it sure fucking looks like it." Ivy said.

"Where's glummy mummy?"

"She's having a pee." Glenn delivered.

Ivy suck out her hands, "Oh, Julie!" Julie was seated on the edge of the bed, twiddling her thumbs. "How are you?" She clasped them in front of herself.

She shrugged, "Could be worse."

Nicola came out of the bathroom, jumping at Malcolm's presence. "Fucking hell, Malcolm."

"Julie, darling, could we have a wee word with you?" He said.

"...Why, is something wrong?"

Malcolm squatted down next to her, awkwardly. "Do you know a man called Rob Holt?"

"I've never heard of him, why, what's all this about?"

"Well it's just that he's one of your uh, followers, on... Twitter?" Malcolm looked at Ivy. She nodded, echoing, "Twitter."

"And we think that some of your uh...?"

"Tweets."

"The tweets that you've been doing have actually been reported, out there."

"Well." She exhaled, "What're you accusing us of?"

"We're not accusing you of anything." Nicola said.

"You all look like you're accusing us of something! You fucking sound like you're accusing us of something!"

"No, no, no, no-"

"I've seen Spooks! You have treated me like a bag of shit all day!" Julie began, standing up. "I mean, I'm a very, very patient person, but I've had it up to here with yous lot! I should've known not to trust yous lot, when you fucked over them Metric Martyrs. All I was trying to do was right by my Jason, right? And if he was here now, he'd be fucking appalled by the way yous lot are carrying on. He always said you were a useless bunch of wankers."

Olly came in, holding a bag of crisps which crinkled obnoxiously. Although nothing could be more obnoxious than whatever was about to come out of his mouth. "Oh, Julie! Oh you're back! Excellent. Every epic needs a hero. Put tiny kettle on, lad, I'm gasping."

Malcolm was staring darkly at him, arms crossed. The awkward air was so thick you could cut it with a butter knife. "Uh, everything okay? What's-What's going on?"

"Uh- Malcolm, could you just come to the toilet with me, for a moment." She pushed him into the toilet. Ivy turned to look at it, making a confused face. She leaned towards the door once it shut, to try and hear some form on conversation. She only managed to pick up the gist of the plan.

Malcolm covertly told Glenn something. Ivy was too tired and too over it to figure out what. Julie left by herself in a ferocious hurry. As soon as the door slammed closed.

"Good riddance." Ivy mumbled.

"Do we have anything we can use against her?" Malcolm demanded.

Nicola rubbed her temple, crossing her arm over her chest. "Metric Martyr stuff. That's all I can think of."

"Fruit by the pound?" Ivy lifted herself off the wooden hutch, joining them near the bed. "That's it?"

"Fruit by the fucking pound. Fuck. Okay, well, we say we're dropping her for extremist views. How about that?"

The group shrugged, mutually agreeing that it was good enough for them. "Just don't go into detail, otherwise they'll crawl up your arse like a dirty little Syrian dwarf hamster all over again."

Ivy snickered at her own joke which was in her head. "How do you like them apples? By the pound?"

Olly and Nicola sighed heavily, one of them remarked, "Jesus."

  After quite a night of wine drinking, toasting, celebrating, or otherwise partying, Malcolm and Ivy said their goodbye's and goodnight's to friends and coworkers. They both looked like Hell. Well, it could be worse, but still Hell. Malcolm's bow tie was crooked and half undone (it was actually surprising to Ivy that he both knew how to tie one and had a real one, not just a pre-tied one). He had spilled droplets of dried cherry colored wine on his white button-up, which he had failed to notice in time, so it was likely that they'd leave irreparable stains. Ivy's makeup was smeared, a faint streak of eyeliner spread across her temple from a forgetful moment where she wiped the corner of her eye. Her dress was wrinkled, her hair messy. They were both half wine drunk. The clock read 12 am.

Despite looking like an embarrassing mess, Malcolm thought she was so incredibly gorgeous. He caught himself staring through the cracked door and into the mirror while she was washing her face and brushing out her curls. Good thing her eyes didn't catch his or he'd never hear the end of it. "Who's sleeping on the couch?" She asked, kneeling down beside her bag to pull out her pajamas.

"Huh?" He said, setting his tie in his overnight bag and removing his jacket.

"I said, who's sleeping on the couch?" She went back to the bathroom, this time closing the door so she could change.

He pulled his shirt out of his trousers and began unbuttoning it. Malcolm didn't listen to a word she said. All he knew is that she asked a question. So, he responded, "Sure."

"Were you even listening?" She laughed.

"No."

"Whatever. Are you decent?" Ivy had finished getting dressed. So had Malcolm, apparently, since he answered with a "Yes."

She stepped out of the bathroom, crouching down once again to put her clothes away. Malcolm felt his heart skip a beat. Oh God, he thought, she's even more stunning now. She was wearing a plain black spaghetti strap tank top and soft pajama shorts. She wasn't even trying to be attractive, she just plain was. Ivy had her arms crossed over her chest, staring at his face stoically.

"Right, I don't really feel like hunkering down on the couch tonight. So I'll sleep under the covers, you sleep on top."

"What?"

She sat on the side of the bed that had the flower painting. "Do you need hearing aids? We're both adults, get over it." She said, sliding into bed and rolling over. "Just don't snore."

"Fine." He pulled the spare blanket off of the top of the armchair, fluffing it out over the bed and laying under it. "Goodnight, Ivy."

"'Night, Malcolm."

[arlingtonpark]

#worthit

You know, we’re lucky Zeke is a moron. At long last he has access to the ultimate power in the world, and instead of using it then and there, he tries to show Eren the error of his ways like this is A Christmas Story or something.

Zeke thought he was Chris Marley and Eren was Ebenezer Scrooge. Turns out, he’s a QANON believer and Grisha is the owner of Comet Ping Pong.

It’s just stunning how unself-aware Zeke is. He’s like one of those hyper-partisan, extremely-online people who shout about how Obama is a tool for the rich, but freeze up when asked for details. This is a man so immersed in his own worldview, his head so far up his ass, that all he accomplished is making the most spectacular own-goal of the entire series.

I mean, he takes Eren on this wild ride, is basically making this all up as he goes along, certain that the next memory will be the one that proves Grisha’s EVIL-ness, and they spend God knows how long watching a dude filing paperwork.

This exercise was meant to turn Eren to his side, but all it’s done is create an opening for Eren to turn Zeke. And that may happen, honestly. Zeke’s beliefs have been pretty shaken now, so he may be receptive to some reasoned persuasion.

But up next is Grisha stealing the Founding Titan, so Zeke definitely won’t be want for validating material.

The only bigger jackass this chapter is Eren.

Eren really, honest and for truly, fucked up. He shat on his friends, he shat on his country, he shat on little kids, and he did it so he could trick Zeke into unlocking the Founding Titan powers for him.

Except now all that’s out the window because actually Zeke is in charge.

Oops.  

Eren presumably did all this because he couldn’t bear to see Historia’s life shortened, but now it seems he has no choice but to do it anyway, meaning he did all this shit for nothing! Amazing! Dreams really don’t come true in this story!

I love how the chapter foreshadows Eren dropping the ball by showing him literally dropping a ball.

At least now it means Historia is going to be relevant again soon. I don’t think I’ve ever said it before, but I lean towards the pregnancy being fake.

Yeah, Historia having a kid means Zeke’s dream can be easily undone, but Zeke probably realizes this and plans to overwrite King Fritz’s deal with the Founding Titan with one of his own: all future royal bearers of the Founding Titan will be infected with Zeke’s ideology instead.

After that, all he’d have to do is feed Eren to Historia. Zeke’s ideology takes over, and everything is set.

Eren needs Historia to eat Zeke, and Zeke would need Historia to eat Eren. And all the while Historia just wants to eat out Ymir.

Would Zeke really do that to his little brother?

…Yeah, he would. Zeke himself said Eren was just a key this whole time. He wants to save Eren from Grisha’s brainwashing, but remember that means convincing him life isn’t worth living. Because of that, Zeke probably wouldn’t even see it as a betrayal. From his perspective, it’d be him freeing Eren from the hell of life.

The reason why I think the pregnancy is fake is because I figure Zeke somehow coerced Historia into it, but then Eren told her about his true intentions and told her get pretend-pregnant. Then, once Zeke was disposed of, Historia could drop the act and live happily ever after.

(And then die with no heirs, thus leading to a succession crisis.)

And if the pregnancy actually is real?

Well, that would be a travesty and I’d rather not think about that.

This chapter has the most explicit endorsement of nationalism so far. Which is bad because no matter how much gold the series puts on it, nationalism is still a garbage heap of an ideology.  

Talking about nationalism and this series is a bit complicated because really there are two levels to this. There’s the depiction of nationalism in itself and then there’s that depiction as it relates to the social context of the story.

Just looking at the story, taking back the Founding Titan and actually having a ruler who cares for his subjects is very reasonable. King Fritz is a lunatic who believes Eldians deserve to die for the sins of their former Empire. And it’s understandable that people like Grisha would be pushed to support extreme beliefs like that the Empire must be restored.

Issues start to arise when you look at the social context of this story. King Fritz is pretty obviously a caricature of progressives who emphasize the need for society to own up to past sins. You see this in the United States with recent debates about Confederate monuments, for example.

Other debates about how the founding of the country is glorified and morally questionable actions like the three-fifths compromise are swept under the rug have been ongoing for literally centuries.

There are progressives who think these facts are not reflected upon enough, and then there are conservatives who think the progressives want Americans to hate being American.

Japan has a similar debate going on. The Japanese Empire of course did many awful things throughout its history, especially during World War II, when it tried to conquer East Asia. Japanese progressives argue this history is not given its due. (It isn’t)

King Fritz is obviously a caricature of these people and not a very flattering one. The strongest evidence that this series leans conservative is the echoing of the popular Japanese conservative talking point that the official history is a “masochistic” one designed to shame Japanese people.

Like, I don’t actually have to explain how the obvious parallel is obvious, do I?

Everything about King Fritz reads like a satire of liberals written by a Fox News pundit. Deranged king so obsessed with past sins he’s cool with his people dying for it? Did Sean Hannity write that?

Said King is a chump because he’s…a pacifist, which makes him weak, I guess. (How can a series be anti-war if #pacifismisforlosers?)

SNK’s brand of anti-pacifism seems reasonable on the surface, but when you consider the real world analogs the story’s set up, things start to fall apart.

The story’s message seems to be that the Eldians should be allowed to live as themselves with no outside interference and they should be allowed to use the wall titans to defend themselves if needed. That seems reasonable, but then you realize the Wall Titans are basically nukes, so the series is basically endorsing nuclear weapons and nuclear proliferation.

Nuclear weapons are not military weapons, as their in-story equivalents are set to be cast as. They’re used to wipe out women and children and unarmed people, and not for military uses. And their use leads to massive environmental damage.

It’s disturbing that the series treats the morality of their use as a given. Isayama doesn’t seem interested in grappling with this exceedingly difficult question at all. There is no debate between the characters on this, literally everyone wants to use them, even Armin who previously made a point of not wanting to.

It’s simply stunning that this series would set up such a weighty situation and just not grapple with the moral implications of it. Does Isayama even realize the metaphor he himself has written?

This isn’t to defend Fritz’s actions. Just up and leaving like he did was lazy and irresponsible, but that just ties back into the hyperbole of the caricature. The details aren’t important in the sense that what’s important is the overall statement being made. It may seem weird, defending the idea this character supposedly stands for, but not defending his literal actions in the story, but that’s because you’re not approaching the story from the perspective of satire.

Isayama’s laughable statements aside, Attack on Titan is clearly satirical. It is making its point through hyperbolic caricature. Though with King Fritz the series arguably veers into straw-manning.

It may be hyperbole, but no reasonable pacifist actually believes we should roll over and let other people kill us, and I honestly can’t believe we are apparently supposed to take this seriously.

The point is that pacifism is bad.

King Fritz swears a vow to renounce war, which the series has lambasted at every possible opportunity. This vow is directly analogous to the vow to renounce war contained in Japan’s constitution, which also binds future generations no matter their personal beliefs since, ya know, it’s the law.

Fritz does this because he believes it will lead to an everlasting peace, which also echoes Japan’s constitution, which renounces war specifically in the name of peace.

Article 9 in Japan is broadly popular with the public, but is criticized by a small usually conservative minority.

All of this is to say that the series echoes conservative talking points and generally seems to be written from that perspective.

Now we come to this chapter. Zeke explicitly refers to Grisha’s ideology as a nationalism and is then made to look like a dumbass for thinking Grisha is an evildoer.

#nationalistshavefeelingstoo.

Yeah, Grisha loves his family, but who cares? The series is clearly going frame Grisha forsaking his mission to be with his family as a mistake, because that’s what this series does! In the world of SNK, people who chase their dreams either fail in some way or are otherwise evil, unless that dream is to fight for the survival of your race, in which case you’re a hero.

Nationalism is bad because it’s an ideology centered on loving your race. It is an inherently exclusionary belief system. The series may not be afraid to criticize specific methods, but the idea of fighting for your race is itself not presented as a bad thing.

Even though in the real world, you would be hard pressed to find a similarly sympathetic example of a nationalist movement.

Nationalism is an inherently emotional ideology, it is fueled by grievance. The series acknowledges that certain expressions of nationalism can be fueled primarily by emotion, but we are also apparently supposed to think that a “rational” nationalism is possible.

In fact, rational nationalism is an oxymoron.

The idea of fighting for your race can never be rational because the notion is inherently irrational. The only people who would care enough about their race to emphasize fighting for it are the desperately insecure.

Whether it’s because they’re desperate for anything about themselves to love, like with Floch, or outraged over the targeting of their race specifically, like with Grisha, nationalism is never born out of some coldly rational thought process.

So now the Yeager Bros. finally succeed and Eren finally gets to betray Zeke. But wouldn’t you know it! It’s the royal who has control of the Founding Titan!

I was leaning against this idea, but for a while now I’ve had the inkling that the Founding Titan is supposed to be a metaphor for the concept of sovereignty, and now it seems that instinct was right.

Sovereignty refers to the absolute authority that governments have. In republics like the United States, sovereignty resides in the government, but it is exercised on behalf of the people.

In monarchies, sovereignty resides in the reigning monarch, who rules by God’s grace.

The key word here is “resides.” The king/president is merely a vessel for the sovereign authority of the government.

For many centuries, kings, and, later, officeholders in general, were thought of as having two bodies.

Their body natural, that is, their physical, human bodies.

And the body politic, that is, the power that comes with the office.

When the king dies, only their body natural dies, but the body politic is eternal and passes on to the next body natural that occupies the position of king.

The Founding Titan is apparently modeled after this idea. Each successive Eldian king is a vessel for the Founding Titan, which grants absolute authority over all Eldians, but only to those who are of royal blood, ie those with the right to rule.

Of course, only people with a legitimate claim to the throne may properly exercise sovereign authority, just as only Zeke may command the Founding Titan. As I said in an earlier post, as a commoner, Eren’s use of the Founding Titan is illegitimate by default.

Needing a royal sympathetic to his cause creates an opening for Historia to become relevant again and that just highlights how everything would’ve been better if Eren had just used her in the first place.

I get that Eren cares about his friends (really hoping he and Historia are just friends), but if you think that makes Eren sympathetic, then let me tell you a little secret: it doesn’t.

Prioritizing someone’s literal life over another’s simply because you know them is awful. It reduces the choice of what you should do to the randomness of who you just so happen to have gotten to know better.

If this was just about who Eren was going to spend a Saturday night with, then choosing based on rapport would be fine, but the stakes here are significantly higher. People are dead.

The excuse that Eren is doing this for his friend’s sake is no excuse at all.

At this point we’re half way through the fourth volume of this arc. The next chapter will probably wrap up this A Christmas Story riff and the chapter after that will most likely end with the Wall Titans finally being awakened.

Afterwards, I’m betting it’s just one more volume to close out the story proper and then maybe we’ll get a volume for that epilogue Isayama mentioned once in an interview.

[hellzyeahthewebwieldingavenger]

Spider-Man: Life Story #4 Thoughts

*graons*

Positives out of the way.

Bagley’s art+Bagley’s rendition of Morlun+the armoured looks of some of Tony’s squad.

Okay now onto the negatives.

I think I might’ve figured out what the REAL premise of Life Story is.

‘What if Spider-Man didn’t have the illusion of change and therefore everything was terrible so readers will now just accept the illusion of change forever’.

Seriously that makes the most sense at this point.

The illusion of change isn’t there and so everyone ages and everything falls to shit.

Spider-Man gets divorced, his child dies, his brother dies, etc.

But if that wasn’t the point then Zdarsky continues to make Life Story a total clown show.

He is consistent in only the following regards.

a)      Events from Spider-Man history happen randomly differently from how they happened in canon even though that wasn’t how the series was advertised to us

b)      Superheroes have a more realistic impact upon the real world except not really, it’s basically as realistic as Zdarsky wants it to be because fuck world building and consistency I guess

c)       Real life history is toxically inconsistent within the context of a world of heroes where things are different

d)      The story is inconsistent even in and of itself

e)      Peter Parker is an irresponsible, dumb asshole

f)       Various elements of the story have no intersection with one another. Remember how Flash died in Vietnam and this had...nothing to do with Miles Warren cloning Gwen????

Lets kick off with two things that can be looked at as bad points of the story but arguably forgivable...arguably.

So firstly...Morlun is in this story and then dies!

Ummmmmmmmmmmmm...Wasn’t there not one but TWO massive Spider-Man event crossovers (one as recent as LAST YEAR) which firmly establish that there is in fact just one version of Morlun in the entire Multiverse? This story is royally contradicting that. Now in fairness...that was always bullshit because we have had What Ifs and other alternate universe stories before Spider-Verse clearly depicting more than one Morlun in the multiverse.

Secondly...Civil War....fucking Civil War.

I loathe and despise the original Civil War storyline from 2006. You guys have no idea how much I honestly wish that story never existed.

A big part of that is how it wrecks the verisimilitude of the Marvel universe before and after it. Civil War was unsustainable as a status quo shift long term for the Marvel Universe and it made no sense given it’s established history. It took the realism of superheroes too far and consequently forced writers and readers to wilfully ignore it after it was done so things could go back to normal. If you do a Civil War style story it needs to either be set in an AU or end your universe and that’s it. A change of pace simply cannot work without wrecking everything.

So seeing it again is gross buuuuuuuuut, given Life Story’s mission statement of taking things more realistically and being an AU itself it actually fits better in this story than in 616 Spider-Man. The same can be said of Spider-Man’s identity being unmasked although this too wrecks the idea that this is Spider-Man aging in real time. If it was about that then the ramifications of the unmasking wouldn’t stick around any more than they did in 616, because that had nothing to do with a sliding timeline or whatever.

However the idea of Civil War fitting better in Life Story because it’s more realistic is utterly destroyed when you consider that in this universe where superheroes have a more realistic impact upon the world, where the military has Tony Stark level weaponry, where intangible nuclear missiles are a thing...9/11 still happened...

...I’m going to repeat that.

In a world where there has been near Star Trek level technology since the 1960s...a handful of terrorists with conventional weapons (not even the most high tech weapons and technology available in the real world in 2001!) are able to fool airport security, hijack some planes and destroy the Twin Towers...in New York city...where ALL THE SUPERHEROES LIVE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Look...in the Marvel or DC universes 9/11 happened. You can choose to interpret the 9/11 Spider-Man issue as canon or not canon, but it is a fact Spider-Man lives in a world where the 9/11 disaster happened. He didn’t stop it, the Avengers didn’t stop it, the Fantastic Four didn’t stop it.

Even though they definitely could have. Collectively all the superheroes of New York have weapons, technology and resources which would’ve enabled them to have intelligence on the hijackings, possibly before they even happened, probably during the hijackings and definitely as the planes were incoming. And they sure as hell had the ability to avert the disaster.

Are you telling me Al Quaeda could trick or stall or fend off the Avengers! Get the fuck out of here no they couldn’t.

The reason that 9/11 still canonically happened in the Marvel universe is simple. The Marvel universe’s realism doesn’t stretch so far as contorting the real world into something unrecognizable to the world of today. The Marvel universe has always been our world but superheroes are there. Their realistic social, political, economic and philosophical impact though isn’t. It’s why Christianity is still the dominant religion in Marvel’s America even though Thor is a thing. 9/11 being such a globally changing event means that the Marvel universe needed to retain it occurring in order to continue to reflect a relatable world to the readers.

More poignantly, just how during WWII superheroes didn’t simply end the conflict by flying into Germany and killing Hitler, to have had superheroes realistically avert 9/11 as they could have would’ve been deeply insulting and disrespectful to the real life witnesses and victims of the tragedy and their loved ones.

Zdarsky didn’t have that constraint though. He could’ve imposed it on his story had he wanted but just as with so much of the real world history his grossly mishandles (a reminder everything after issue #3 is bullshit because the world should’ve been consumed in nuclear Armageddon) he cherry picks what will and won’t be affected by superheroes existing and whether their effects will be realistically and logical or if they’ll be...whatever he randomly wants.

Case in point superheroes existing means nuclear missiles are intangible now, but superheroes existing doesn’t mean airport security is any different from what it was in 2001!

*head desk*

The ONLY way 9/11 happens in this Marvel universe is if like HYDRA did it instead of Al Quaeda or if the latter had backing from super villains.

But just like with all the altered real world history Zdarsky doesn’t explain anything. He’s lazy as a world builder. Thus we’re left to presume 9/11 happened as it did in the real world even though Tony Stark has already created technology that ended the Cold War by America beating Russia’s ass.

I mean for fuck’s sake, GALACTUS has invaded Earth and New York specifically, you telling me Tony or Reed or Hank Pym or someone hasn’t created at least some sort of alarm system to alert them to incoming threats. WTF was Doctor Strange doing!

Let’s stick to Tony for the moment. So in this issue...he’s the villain. He’s been on the wrong side ever since issue #1 really. This is another case of something bad that is arguably defendable.

See back in Civil War if you were reading Spider-Man you experienced a Tale of Two Tony’s (not my turn of phrase by the way I stole that).

You didn’t need to read Spider-Man to follow the main Civil War book but if you were reading Spider-Man you did need to read the main CW book to follow the story as pivotal events happened in the latter that were then followed up upon in the former. The most famous example would be Spider-Man unmasking which was only built up to in ASM but actually depicted in Civil War #2. However another more relevant example would be how when Spidey decided to switch sides Tony attacked him in ASM and was clearly painted as outright villainous, but then the action continued into the main Civil War book where Tony was written more conflicted and sympathetic, before the action cut back to ASM where he was very much a villain. The characterization wasn’t consistent at all, and the Spider books were not alone in this. Sue Richards’ break up with Reed happened very differently in the pages of Fantastic Four than they did in Civil War.

This is relevant to Life Story because the Tony in this book is very much the Tony of ASM era Civil War, the villain on the side of the law and the fact that Zdarsky planted the seeds for this back in issue #1 is I will admit commendable. Too bad it took until issue #4 for him and Peter to interact but whatever. I also confess that seeing the polar opposite of the Iron Dad relationship gives me life at the moment.

However given how Zdarsky’s convoluted M.O. with this book seems to be to reflect a wider real time aging Marvel Universe and not just Spider-Man’s story this characterization is fundamentally broken. Because Iron Man...was totally out of character in Civil War. Even in the main series where he was written more sympathetic he was out of character and in ASM it was truly ridiculous. So Zdarsky is again being inconsistent and terrible at characterization. He’s even being awful in how the story tries to remix elements from the 2000s era Spider-Man regarding Tony (and other stuff we’ll get to).

If you are going to factor in Peter’s unmasking and Iron Man into this story shouldn’t the once friendly relationship they had or his Avengers membership play a factor? I mean Spidey being an Avenger was such a huge deal in the 2000s that when Marvel made variant covers for his 50th anniversary showcasing something from every decade of Spidey his being an Avenger was used to represent the 2000s.

Getting back to the Civil War elements though, something mind boggling is that Iron Fist is on the pro-registration side when he was very much NOT in the real Civil War event. Making this matter worse is his best friend Luke Cage being on the anti-registration side. Even without giving anyone any lines Zdarsky srews up characterization. Compounding this is Iron Man’s claims that young heroes fell in line with the registration act...what?

Let’s ignore how bowing to the government isn’t typically what teens like to do...you telling me that the opinions of most teenage heroes was to sign up with the government? Bullshit, even in the original story their views were more mixed. There is also the implication that somehow...9/11 was the thing that prompted the SHRA...hoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow??????????????????????????????

Finally Tony tells Peter he could be arrested for not registering with the government that he was a hero because...his spider sense is like insider trading.

I need to explain how stupid this is.

To begin with the SHRA wasn’t enforced when Peter was running Parker Industries so he was literally not breaking the law. If a law is passed that wearing a watch is illegal you can’t go to prison because prior to that law’s passage you wore a watch.

Secondly...no....no the Spider Sense is really not like insider trading at all. Let’s presume it could warn him about dangerous business deals...that’s not insider trading at all, that’s literally Peter having better business instincts than everyone else. That’s not cheating or illegal it’s just having a natural advantage over other people.

Thirdly...Captain America is leading a resistance group....again.

This is the dumbest damn idea in the original Civil War story and for some reason even though Zdarsky wants this series to be ‘more realistic’ he replicates that stupidity.

Captain America’s plan in the original Civil War boiled down to going on the run, recruiting other superheroes, attacking the registered heroes and then....somehow this would repeal a law designed to keep heroes in check.

Let’s say that this is a more realistic world and the Registration act is totally reasonable. Putting aside how framing it as a bad thing does not then make any damn sense, Captain America’s method for fixing the problem is utterly nonsensical, especially for a guy who could be president by merely running for office. He’s Captain America for God’s sake he’d win and could repeal the law from within!

The final problem with this plotline in the issue is how it really has NOTHING to do with the other plotline, and how t weirdly hijacks the issue and becomes the main plotline when initially the book presented something else as the main thrust of the story; not the first time Zdarsky has basically superglued two plotlines together even though they have little-nothing to do with one another

That thing of course was Morlun. This opens up a whole other can of stupid we need to talk about.

So first of all Morlun shows up in 2006 not 2001, further fucking up the idea this is Spider-Man aging in real time. Morlun DID appear in a 2006 story of course, the Other, but that was his return not his debut. Why is Morlun debuting 5 years later than he should be? Because Zdarsky wants to include the most famous villain who debuted in the 2000s but actually wants to make the story about Civil War which did happen in 2006 that’s why.

Speaking of Morlun, I might be wrong here but...a fucking tree? That’s how he dies? I’m not even complaining he doesn’t come back in a clone body, I’m talking strictly about how a tree stabs him like he’s Mystique in Dark Phoenix. Maybe I’m wrong but I’m preeeetty sure he could survive that unless Life Story’s Morlun is pathetically weaker than his mainstream counterpart.*

More egregiously is Peter’s handling of Morlun. He explains Ezekiel showed up to warn him about Morlun’s coming.

In the original story these two events happened close together, Morlun appeared shortly after Ezekiel’s warning. Let’s say we let Zdarsky slide on the timeframe and even the fact that Morlun actually was looking for Ezekiel not Peter...why did Peter do nothing about this warning.

In the original story Ezekiel offers Peter a bunker to hide out in. Presumably he did the same in Life Story. But instead of taking advantage of this or warning Ben Reilly or his potentially spider empowered children Peter...ignores him?

WHY?!

Peter didn’t disbelieve Ezekiel, he just rejected his offer of sanctuary because he had responsibilities to live up to. In this story Peter has even bigger responsibilities and a family potentially at risk and he just...did nothing?

And low and behold his elderly wife and daughter have to flee for their lives whilst he dicks around in New York and his brother and son straight up DIE.

That’s 3/3 relatives named Ben who are dead because he was a selfish dickhead!

And before we dive into Peter’s character I just want to take a moment and lament how piss poorly Mary Jane has been treated this whole story.

Issue #1: She is little more than a background character

Issue #2: She is totally out of character, and just drunkenly yells unreasonably at Peter then gets unreasonably yelled at by him

Issue #3: She gets shit on by Peter, inadvertently Aunt May and is left being pregnant and giving birth to twins with a senile old health hazard for company, then gets yelled at for suggesting getting her health, then is tasked with going out alone in a dark and stormy night to potentially kill her super powered husband

Issue #4: She shows up at the end and just welcomes him back as her husband and the father of her kids no questions asked apparently

Issue #5: We continue to never get a word about how she feels about their general lives, of Peter and her reconciliation, of their children. She just waits and worries in front of the TV or runs away from Morlun. How the Hell does her daughter get more agency in this one issue than she has pretty much this whole series?

Anyway back to Peter....yeah this is not Peter Parker.

You know how Peter Parker is all about with great power there comes great responsibility....well Life Story Peter Parker totally isn’t.

He abandons his company, employees and superhero duties to an untrained, underprepared, equally old clone of himself who has to quickly learn how to pretend to be him, how to run a company and fight more experienced super villains whilst fending off a corporate takeover by the secretary of defence for the United States of America. And then he gets murdered by an indestructible (except to wood) mystic vampire that Peter neglected to mention to him.

Ben Reilly DIED directly because Peter was an idiot.

And selfish, don’t forget that. He moved his family out into the woods in a secluded area so that he wouldn’t interact with too many people and thus not feel the need to intervene. Let’s ignore how he was able to resist this urge in Spider-Girl for a moment. You are telling me Peter Parker abandoned his great responsibility by finding basically doing the equivalent of sticking his fingers in his ears, closing his eyes and yelling “lalalalalala If I can’t see or hear anyone in trouble I can’t be responsible for not helping them lalalala”

FUCK OFF ZDARSKY!

This is toxically against the entire premise of the character at this point and getting older wouldn’t change that. Apparently all it took to snap him out of this funk was Ben Reilly dying and a pep talk from his friggin teenage daughter!

All in all this is another beautifully drawn shit show of an issue in a string of beautifully drawn shit show issues.

*Oh and let’s not forget that Morlun just...knows where the fuck Peter lives. That isn’t one of his powers. He needs to make contact with his target in order to track them down anywhere they go. He can’t just generally sniff them out. It doesn’t even make sense if he was tracking his kids.

Not to mention this story claims you can hurt Morlun when he’s feeding. But that’s not his weakness. Radiation is something he’s vulnerable to. If you can just kill him or the Inheritors by attacking when they are feeding then Spider-Verse and Spider-Geddon wouldn’t have been as dangerous it’s not that difficult to kill them.

[rockindragonz]

Just Like Him

Written for @itsstilllyou for the 2018 TaZ Queer Candlenights Gift Exchange!  <3 :D

Words: 3079

Summary: Angus is used to the stares at this point. He doesn't like them, but he's used to them. He's never seen anyone else like him until he sees Taako for the first time.  AKA a little boy imprints on our favorite meme wizard.

Ao3

Time and time again, Angus McDonald found himself in situations  like the one he is currently dealing with.  People around him who don't know him, can't see him, won't talk to him, or just ignore his existence altogether.  Honestly, it was no longer a bother to him, it was simply an inconvenience for a detective.  The train had proved to be a great means to an end and there were very few people aboard the train which made it easier to deal with the stares they sometimes shot him.  He will admit to himself that the stares are the worst part of his situation.  No matter how masculine he may dress, how short he may cut his curly hair, how low he keeps his golf hat, people could always only see 'female’ when they look at him.  It was frustrating knowing that they see him as one thing when he is absolutely another.

*

When he saw Taako get on the train in all of his long blonde, wizardly glory, it was shocking for the young boy.  This man was dressed in feminine clothing, had a very high pitched voice, and was almost certainly mistaken for a woman all the time, yet he had such an air of confidence about him that people were staring at him in a different way than they looked at Angus - in awe.  Something was fishy about the three travellers, but Angus found himself wanting to speak with the man if only to confirm his suspicions that he was just like him.  They approached him first, trying to act discreet about what was obviously supposed to be an undercover mission but they were failing horribly.

The mystery of the train prevented him from asking Taako outright, but he knew, if only in the way he carried himself.  There was the confidence, the suave nature, and the natural charm, but there was also the quiet self doubt, the mind that was thinking five steps ahead of his companions, and the hesitation every time he spoke.  Angus had known Taako for only a few hours, but he already knew with 100% certainty that Taako was just as trans as him.

*

Angus’ decision to join the Bureau of Balance was spurred by multiple instances.  Of course there was his investigation into the disappearances, but if he hadn't been told that the trio he had met on the Rockport Limited were part of the B.o.B. he probably wouldn't have seriously considered it.  In fact, he most likely would have refused due to not wanting it to be a conflict of interest that could harm his detective work.  But here he is.  Since joining the Bureau, he had felt safer and more at home than anywhere else in the world.  No one ever stared at him, no one gave his feminine pitch any second thoughts, no one even winced when we offhandedly mentioned that he had been having really bad cramps recently.  Lucretia had actually given him some medicinal plants she said she had used for cramps when she was his age.  It was treated scientifically instead of him feeling like a freak.  This place felt like home.

*

When the boys were on their mission to Lucas’ lab, he had never felt so anxious in all his life.  He didn't really know the trio all that well, and all they had done when knowing him was tease and bully him, but something in the way they teased and bullied was nice, almost familial in a way.  Taako was the biggest culprit of the family-type teasing.  His goofs never seemed to be intentionally harmful in a permanent way, they were always harmful in a goofy dad type of way, and he knew none of them would ever say anything that would actually hurt Angus.  But having those three go completely off the grid for so long had Angus panicking.  Lucretia was with him, but she was on edge and seemed horrifically close to breaking down, which only served to further Angus’ anxiety, because if the Director was nervous for the three men she barely knew, he knew something must truly be wrong.  When their voices finally came back, Angus could see the tension leave her body and he could feel his anxiety melt away.  He had known these men for such a short time, and yet they had caused him a great deal of stress.

*

Their story was one of epic proportions.  He couldn't understand most of it outright, but he saw flashes of what he needed most.  He saw Taako and his twin sister, Lup, laughing side by side.  His sister was like him too, but she, like Taako, was more confident in herself than Angus had ever see anyone be.  Angus saw them fighting back to back, kicking ass and taking names.  He saw Lup launch a volley of fire at boards high in the sky.  He saw Lup become a lich in front of her brother's eyes, and only saw the terror and worry in Taako's eyes for a split second.  He saw Taako and Lup and then he saw himself in the two of them.  He saw how similar they truly were, and he finally, finally saw that he was nothing to be ashamed of.  Despite what his parents thought, despite what his family thought, despite what the world may think of him, he was special and he wouldn't stand for anyone to look down on him again.

*

After the Day of Story and Song, Angus had to figure out where to go.  He had no home aside from the B.o.B. and Lucretia had disbanded it promptly following the defeat of the Hunger.  It had been the closest thing Angus had ever had to a real family and now it was gone, just like that.  But he still had them.  He knew they still love him, no matter how far apart they got.  When he told the main trio that he had no idea where to go, Magnus immediately offered for Angus to live with him for a while, until he found his family.

“Oh no sir, my family is dead, they have been for a long time,” Angus said.

“What about the grandpa you were headed to back on the Rockport Limited?” Taako said, cocking his head to the side.

“That was a clever ruse on my part so no one would question why a little boy was travelling alone!”

“So you're all alone then?” Kravitz said.

“Yeah, but I'm used to it!  I've been alone for a long time!”

“Well you're coming with us,” Taako said, arms crossed over his chest, “I can't be held responsible for teaching you magic and then having you go off and go nuts with it!  That would be irresponsible.  Kravitz, let's find a home for 3, got it big guy?”  At the proposition of living with Taako, Kravitz's dark skin grew red, but he grinned and nodded all the same.

“If you ever need a break from those two,” Magnus said, “call me.”  Angus just smiled a soft smile, one that didn't show just how shocked and happy he was that Taako of all people was taking him in.  He couldn't wait for his new life to start.

*

Taako and Kravitz spent a long time looking for a place.  During this time, the three of them stayed at various inns and hotels where many people refused to accept Taako's money because they all knew who he was.  On the surface, Taako took it with grace and thanked them, but he would always leave the proper amount of gold on one of the beds when he thought Angus and Kravitz weren't looking.  When they finally did settle down, Kravitz and Taako had found a home that was far too big for just the three of them, but was big enough to fit the whole IPRE crew.  When Kravitz and Taako had been talking with the realtor, she mentioned that the house had belonged to a wealthy couple that had been a part of the massive casualties of the Hunger.  Both Taako and Kravitz were sympathetic, but the realtor assured them that the couple 'had it coming’.  At that phrase, a moment of disbelief and confusion crossed Taako's face, but he remained poised and collected, he did love the mansion after all and the massive kitchen it had in it.  They sealed the deal and moved in as soon as they could.  Angus got a huge room all to himself with his own bathroom even.  Taako and Kravitz shared the master bedroom of course, and they had 5 vacant rooms for when the IPRE visited and bathrooms attached to each one.

For Angus, the home felt eerily familiar.  He found himself trying to walk quietly, peeking around corners before walking around them, and trying to make himself as small as possible.  Whenever Taako or Kravitz noticed, Angus would apologize and shake his head, unsure of the reason why he was so jumpy in the home.  Naturally, he had to investigate.  He went to the neighbors to ask about the previous owners, and the elderly woman had said they were a black couple with no children and a large family that lived elsewhere that would visit during the holidays.  She had also told him that they had once had a young girl around the manor that looked very much like him, but the girl had died a long time before the Hunger came.  Angus delved deeper into the history of the house and even contacted the local sheriff to get more information.  All the sheriff would tell him was that he had gotten many noise complaints over the years about the couple yelling so loud the neighbors could hear.  Still, Angus’ curiosity wasn't satisfied.  One morning, he was going over his notes before Kravitz was ready to teleport him to school when Taako came and dropped off his breakfast.

“Whatcha got there Ango?” he said.

“Just some notes on a mystery I've needed to solve.  I want to know who used to live here!”

At that, Taako's eyes grew slightly bigger for a split second before he blinked and looked away.  “You don't remember?”

“Huh?”

Taako sighed and set down the pan he's been serving breakfast from.  “Angus, shit, let me get Krav in here, I'm not good at this shit.”  As if by magic, Kravitz walked through the dining room door.

“Hey kid, ready for school yet?”

“Krav, we gotta talk,” Taako said with a grimace.  Immediately, Kravitz looked concerned, but he regained his composure and smoothed his shirt down.  Taako sat across from Angus while Kravitz pulled up a chair next to him.

“We thought you knew, but didn't want to talk about it.  Fuck, dude, I can't do feelings and shit like that.”

“What Taako means to say,” Kravitz said, shooting a light glare Taako's way, “is that we didn't want to pressure you into talking about something you don't want to talk about.”

“What?” Angus said.

“Look, Angus, this house belonged to a couple called the McDonalds.”  And, just like that, all of the memories he had blocked out for years came rushing back.

“I can't believe you don't remember that, you grew up here,” Kravitz said, reaching out towards him.  As if Kravitz was throwing a flame at him, Angus flinched backwards and sat up a little straighter.  Kravitz retracted his hand, but a look of concern was plastered on his face.  It was as if he had a permanent scowl now.

Taako opened his mouth, Angus knew he was saying something to him, but none of the words were actually entering his brain.  He was watching his memories come flooding back almost like nightmare.  His mom walking with him through a dress shop when he was maybe 3 years old, making him try on frilly dress after frilly dress.  He came out in one with a frown on his face and he pointed at the suits asking his mom why he couldn't wear pants because pants would be easier to play in.  He heard his mom telling him that ladies don't wear pants to formal events.  He asked why.  His mother smacked his mouth.  He saw his father tearing apart a drawing Angus had done of himself in pants instead of a dress when he was 5.  He had drawn it because he knew pants were more comfortable.  He wasn't allowed to wear pants from then on.  His father had made him turn around and Angus was spanked for his actions. Angus saw himself in a frilly white and pink dress with long, fluffy curled hair when he was 8.  He saw his mom applying light makeup to his face.  He saw himself get grabbed by a man at the party and dragged away by his  hair before he was luckily seen by a butler.  He saw himself, that same day, with a knife cutting his hair in the bathroom as short as he could manage so no one could grab it again.  He saw his mother and father screaming at him, calling him a lady, and telling him that ladies couldn't have short hair.  He saw himself bruised.

“Angus?” Kravitz said.  Angus blinked, realizing with a start that his face was wet and he was holding his breath.  He let it out in a blubbering sigh as Kravitz scooped him into a hug with no warning.  Taako was there soon too, hugging him and holding his hand so tightly that he almost couldn't breathe.  Taako was muttering things, thing Angus knew he said to Lup when she called in a panic because she had woken up in darkness from a nightmare about black curtains, things that were somehow grounding him in the current reality.  When he finally stopped sobbing, Kravitz's shirt was wet from his tears and there was a mark on Taako's hand where he had been squeezing it.

“Can you tell us what's happening now Angus?” Kravitz said, patient as ever.  Angus only nodded slowly, as if he was only just now truly absorbing all the shit he had been through.

“My parents, the McDonalds, were…” he paused “they were...horrible.  They-they hit me and called me a lady and hit me whenever I didn't act like one.  I ran away when I was 10 and started doing detective work because I had always been curious.  I cut my hair.  I'm a boy.  Not a girl.  I was never a girl, but they called me a girl.”  Taako's fist clenched and Angus could see the rage building in his eyes, but his face remained neutral.  Kravitz, however, was looking at him with sympathy and love.  Anger was there, it was definitely there, but Kravitz was much better at masking his emotions than Taako had ever been.

“They aren't here to hurt you anymore.  We will move too, so you don't have to live where they were.  You will never have to think of them again, okay?”

“I don't want to move.  I want to live here with you two and Magnus and Merle and Lup and Barry and everyone.  You guys loved me when I needed it, even though I didn't really get why at the time.”  Angus wiped his eyes with the sleeve of his jacket and sniffled a little.  He nodded, mostly to himself, and reached out to hug Taako and Kravitz as best he could with his small arms.  They responded instantaneously and wrapped their arms around him securely.

“They aren't my family anymore,” he whispered.

“Yeah, fuck those fuckers, we are your dads now, shit lil dude, you’re fuckin adopted,” Taako said.  His voice was final as he spoke with no uncertainty in his voice.  Kravitz only laughed and squeezed the two of them tighter.  Angus breathed for a moment, afraid, but happy, and for the first time in his whole life, he knew he truly had a family that loved and accepted him for who he was.

*

Life continued as normal after that day.  Taako insisted that Angus see someone and talk about 'the bullshit he went through’ as he had out it, and it seemed to help Angus a lot.  He was able to talk about everything to a total stranger.  Sometimes Taako and Kravitz would come and listen whenever Angus felt comfortable letting them in.  Truth be told, Angus was comfortable with them from the beginning, but Taako was insistent that the first few sessions be his and his alone.  He got happier and felt safer than he ever had before, and he continued learning magic at Lucas’ school.  Taako teased him endlessly about attending his rival's school instead of his own father's, but the teasing was always light hearted.  Lup and Barry built a small home attached to the mansion the three of them lived in, so they were there frequently.  No one outright told Angus why, but he assumed that it was because of the nightmares and the fact that being separated stressed them both out.  The rest of the IPRE and the BoB came for holidays and the anniversary of the Day of Story and Song to celebrate and to confirm that they were all still alive and okay.  Angus thrived in his home with his family and friends that he had grown to love more than anything in the world.  Angus was truly and completely happy.

*

What Angus didn't know, however, was that the day after he had told Taako and Kravitz his life story, the two of them plus Lup and Barry had gone to the Raven Queen and asked to see Mr. and Mrs. McDonald.  All knowing as she is, the Raven Queen summoned the souls from the lake without question and watched as Kravitz yelled louder than he ever had.  He told the McDonalds that Angus was never their son, that his son was going to be happy and that they would never get the chance to see him succeed and be happy.  They had tried to tell Kravitz that they only had a daughter, but Lup had cast a fireball that left their spirits extinguished forever.  She had gotten a slap on the wrist from the Raven Queen for that one, obliterating souls was very against the laws of nature, but nothing more.  They were, after all, horrible people to her grandson.

But hey.  What Angus didn't know, would never have to hurt him.

[fishylife]

I was tagged by @bloody-mary-23 to name 10 different characters from 10 different things.

Thinking about this actually made me realize that nowadays, I tend to read books and watch movies from a more critical lens, whereas I watch shows with more of a “fan” lens (not sure if that makes sense). Like, I had trouble even naming one favourite character from a book or a movie, maybe because I tend to just sit back and judge them? Whereas for TV shows I learn to identify with them or I aspire to be like them and that’s how they become my favourites? 

Anyway, enough with that. Most of the characters on my list are either from things I enjoyed as a kid, or things I enjoyed very recently. Like, there’s no middle ground. Either they’re old enough to have always been one of my favourites or they’re a recent obsession lol. 

1) Three Kingdoms (Chinese drama) - Xun Yu

He’s my favourite character only based on the 2010 adaptation so I’m not sure if this carries over to other adaptations. Anyway, while I also like a few of the big players of the story (namely Zhuge Liang and Zhao Yun), Xun Yu is my ultimate fave. While Cao Cao technically didn’t need his expertise because Cao Cao was plenty smart himself, he served as a sounding board for Cao Cao, so he played a very much behind-the-scenes role. Anyway, I just liked how level-headed he was and how much he stuck to his morals (for which he paid with his life in the end…).

2) DC Comics - Jason Todd

When I first started getting into DC comics, actually Dick Grayson was my favourite character. But over time, I started enjoying Jason’s sense of humour as well as his non-conventional ways. Despite appearing to be the “wild one,” it’s quite interesting to find that Jason actually does have a strict moral code. It’s just one that’s slightly different from that of his family.

3) Day & Night (Chinese drama) - Zhou Xun

I’m still watching this show, but he’s like the stereotypical police boss character in Chinese dramas, complete with moustache, beard, and floppy hair (like Bai Yu in Guardian lol). I like his character for how much he tries. On one hand, he’s advancing his career, doing what he can to close cases, and he knows that Guan Hongfeng is someone he can count on for that. On the other hand, he knows that Guan Hongfeng is someone he needs to keep a close eye on in case anything about his brother comes up. So he does what he can to patch that up too. Also wears leather jackets and is a bit of a hothead/brash one which comes as part of the cocky police detective boss character. I’m down. 

4) Nirvana in Fire (Chinese drama) - Xiao Jingyan

Yo, I had a really hard time deciding between Jingyan, Mei Changsu, Consort Jing, and Grand Princess Liyang. In the end, I decided on Jingyan. First, he adheres to his moral code very very very strictly. That’s his thing ™. Second, he loves his family and close friends to bits. That’s his other thing ™. These two things are what guides him through life. Sometimes it makes him even a little naive, i.e. him wanting Mei Changsu to be reinstated as a member of the extended Royal Family, etc. (but Mei Changsu knows that that’s a former life he can’t live up to anymore). But he always has the best intentions in mind and that’s something I can respect. 

5) Vikings - Ragnar Lothbrok

To be honest, I stopped watching this show after Ragnar died. He was such an interesting character. He was a fierce warrior, but he also wanted to be a wise ruler. Sometimes he had to use offhanded tactics but I kind of liked that he was willing to think outside the box. He was also a little bit ruthless but I think he did so when he knew that he had to make a decision for his realm. I just thought his character was a combination of a lot of different traits and wasn’t just a two-dimensional character.

6) Sailor Moon - Kino Makoto/Sailor Jupiter

I love that Sailor Moon has so many different characters in its main cast because there’s always a role model for each period of my life. When I was young, I liked Sailor Mercury the most because like her, I was a massive nerd with no friends. Nowadays though I like Sailor Jupiter quite a lot. She’s sometimes labeled as being both super masculine (being a tomboy, being physically strong) as well as super feminine (liking baking and gardening). But that doesn’t mean she has to give up one or the other. Instead, these are just the activities she enjoys doing and that doesn’t mean she needs to be labeled for it. It reminds me that you should just go ahead and like the things you like because that shouldn’t say anything about your character.

7) Hamtaro - Penelope

When I was a kid I thought Penelope was the cutest hamster. For the longest time I didn’t know the yellow thing was a blanket she was wearing and I thought that was just what she was (like, until recently). I still remember that one episode where the hamster clubhouse was flooded in a rain and Penelope ran to Laura’s dog to get help and ultimately saved all the hamsters from drowning. Penelope was the MVP that day.

8) Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia - Sonya

It’s kind of surprising to me that my favourite Fire Emblem character is from FEE and not FEA (which was my first FE game). However, I found that with the romance/matchmaking mechanics in FEA and FEF, a lot of the characters turned into gimmicks because it seemed the writers probably ran out of different things to write for their supports with other characters. I found that in FEE, the support conversations were more meaningful because they were limited, and therefore more fleshed out. Anyway, I think Sonya is the coolest because she’s like the cool older sister but also a sympathetic person. Love her

9) Bleach - Yamamoto Genryuusai Shigekuni

I also didn’t expect my favourite Bleach character to be Yamamoto Genryuusai. I probably would have expected my favourite to be Byakuya or Hisagi, you know, my pretty boy husbandos. Or even Soifon or Hiyori, my kickass girls. But there’s something about Captain-Commander that makes him such an epic character. Yes, he is a bit stuck in his old-man ways, but everything he’s done has been to protect Soul Society. The part near the end when he finally goes Bankai is just….chills. Like, when the old man finally uses his old man strength, then you know shit’s going down. 

10) Sweet Pool - Sakiyama Youji

To be honest #1, there’s not a lot of characters to choose from here and to be honest #2, I haven’t actually played the game myself. So I’ve really just known his character through the audio CDs (translated), other people’s playthroughs, etc. But I’ve come to like his character. Just the mellow, solemn way that he is despite all the chaotic bullshit going on around him. 

(I won’t lie, it took me a really long time to come up with a tenth favourite character lol)

Also this questionnaire has made me want to reread Claymore again, since that manga had a TON of badass characters. I only remember a handful, like Clare, Galatea, Ophelia, etc. 

Tagging anyone who wants to do this!! I just never know who likes doing this stuff and who doesn’t so if you see this please do it and tag me! Don’t be shy :) :) Even if it’s like months and months later, I don’t mind.

[akar0ku]

It’s a weird moment when you meet someone who used to be friends with someone you are close to but have doubts with over the legitimacy of your friendship. It sets a lot of things in motion. Warning long story incoming.

Some back story; for a few years I’ve been friends with this guy who seemed at a glace to be a genuine friend. We hung out a lot when he lived in the same town as me, he was there during the really volatile breakup of the only long term relationship I had four years ago, we had a casual relationship after, and I always thought he was one of those friends who just understood me.

We also had a lot of downs. I tend to be a very venty person and I get carried away at times but I try to be receptive when people bring up that it’s getting to be too much and am willing to change topics. He would often listen to me but then out of no where would blow up and tell me how I complained too much and that I was clearly a miserable person and needed to stop dragging people down. Mind you the first years of our friendship I was ether going through a really ruff breakup or was dealing with the after math, this wasn’t the happiest point of my life. 

We both also struggled with depression and anxiety, I always did my best to be patient and understanding, I naturally want to be there for my friends and I want to help when I can. He would do the same to a degree but would be quick to put me down when it went to far, and this isn’t just telling me he couldn’t be around me when I was being down, he again would tell me how miserable I was, tell me I was being manipulative and looking for sympathy and for someone to coddle me. This happened so much that I started just bottling up my own emotions and shouldering more of his baggage to compensate for what I felt like was selfishness on my part.

The few times I tried to bring up the things he would say and do that hurt my feelings, he would always respond angrily with a list of my own flaws that he said he had to deal with. That or he would tell me how shitty I was for bringing it up when he was already feeling down, remember he never gave me the same regard and had no problem throwing lists of flaws at me when I was already depressed. An example, October 2017 I went to visit him in the new town he lives in (he lives on an island an hour off the coast of northern Maine). He was working on a haunted house for the town and was really stressed, spent a lot of time telling me how he hated the towns people, how ungrateful they were of his work, and how much he hated his job recently. I just grinned and nodded because by this point we hand’t really seen each other for six months and I was finally at a point in my life where I had my depression under control and just didn’t want to ruin that by making waves. One night while I was there I had a massive panic attack because there was a heavy storm. Boats going on and off the island were canceled for the day and the power was out, so I was effectively stranded on the island. Having never grown up on an island I got freaked out and while his brother was incredibly sympathetic and patient over it, he wasn’t. He got frustrated with me because I couldn’t calm down so I just separated myself and tried to ride it out alone in his room. He came up and ripped into me, saying he had enough to stress over, that I was purposefully doing this to get his attention because I was upset over him being busy, and said he wished he never invited me over because i was a burden. He then left me alone in his dad’s house to check on a friend, saying he’d be back later to pick me up so we could get ready for the haunt later that night and that I better have my shit together then...he never showed up and I got left alone at the house while they did everything without me. When I talked to his brother later it turned out that he had told everyone I wasn’t feeling well and wanted to stay home. when I brought it up with my friend he told me I had no right to feel hurt and that I was being insecure.

I spent a lot of our friendship thinking that; while he was frustrating at times, I was several times worse than him and was selfishly taking more than my fair share from the friendship. I constantly felt like I was being insecure whenever he did something that hurt me and that the hurt was invalid. so I just never brought issues up. I eventually started feeling like I had no right to turn to my friends when I was feeling down or that I couldn’t tell them that they had hurt me when they said something hurtful, even if it was just an accident. My coworkers make comments on how chill I am and how nothing seems to faze me, but really I’m just constantly second guessing myself and wondering if every little emotion I feel is driven by insecurity and then berating myself for even thinking of trying to burden someone with that.

Back to my friend and coworker who also knows this guy. Basically he knows exactly what I’m talking about and says he surprised I even put up with that. He’s had a long history of trying to bully other people into being his submissive punching bags. Talking with my coworker has really put things into perspective and made me realize that not having him around for a year and a half has made me a much happier, if not maybe still really guarded person...I recently cut off the sexual aspect of mine and this friends relationship and he hasn’t spoken to me in over a week. He didn’t even wish me a happy birthday which, as a “close friend” would have just been a nice thing. I’m not sure what I want to do with this now. Realistically I probably should just cut him out of my life, especially since I have this validation that I was being poorly treated this whole time. I guess really I can’t come up with a reason to keep him as a friend, it doesn’t matter how nice he was when he wasn’t yelling at me, it doesn’t excuse abusive behavior...I’m also nervous how he would respond. And no matter how I spin it I can’t stop myself from thinking that I’m not a perfect person ether and that I can be a pain to deal with to, that I deserve the treatment I get from him and that I’m over reacting. Even writing this was hard, the whole time I felt like I was just whining and that someone is going to point out how much of an insecure piece of crap I am and how I deserve this. I feel scared and I don’t even no why.