#I can be shit at guitar for the rest of my life but it isnt a grade so who cares

[gorgugplushie]

BAD KIDS GAMING HCS

Nobody asked but i cant stop thinking abt it so

Fabian - canonically doesn't know what mobile games are, much less actual videogames. He sort of sees them as pointless (why do quests and adventures in a videogame when he could just do them in real life?) Of course the bad kids pull him into their gaming sessions, though he spends most of them asking what the controls are again and raising an eyebrow at their shenanigans. Ragh sits him down and makes him play some sport based video games which he does enjoy, he can get really into it if you give him time (he yells so so loud) he also gets into ddr style games bc he likes beating the other bdkds at them. Videogames are a good excuse to hang but he'd rather go out and play football irl.

Kristen - coming from a heavily sheltered and what i assume monitored family, kristen probablyyy isnt all that into videogames. At most i think she'd have some mobile games like idk candy crush on her phone, like fabian she'd get confused and spend her in game time running around and just watching the others play, she goes along w the others shenanigans v easily tho and loves doing silly bits while playing.

Riz - Riz is the type to play window games on their families shared computer for hours on end. Stuff like sudoku, pinballs, or solitaire. He'd love those games like the nancy drew mystery ones, or those games where you find items like I Spy. The only downside is he gets unhealthily fixated and will spend 3 days getting to lvl 100+ on Tetris if you let him, obsessed w 100% games and making funny number go up. Surprisingly good at rhythm games.

Adaine - into open world games, like fallout or outerwilds. Will spend days writing and churning out backstory and lore for her in game character. Veryyy picky and wants every decision to be true to their newest ocs backstory, will spend a solid hour on the character creation screen. She also loves more violent shooting games, although playing online with strangers gives her anxiety and she cannn get gamer rage, she'll get fixated on getting stuff like headshots and Winning and Being a good teammate that she'll start shaking and have to step away from playing for a bit. Single player fighting games w blood where she can turn her brain off and just fight are more cathartic for her. I feel like she ends up doing insane shit in them like saw and hack off limbs and go full dark story mode route and then regret it so so much and lie awake at night not sleeping bc of it and delete the save file. Its her dark secret shell take to the grave.

Fig - plays a large range of games, mainly more colorful and silly goofy ones she can play with the badkids. Shes sort of a little nuisance in games tho, she will troll and grief a lil bc she finds it funny. In singleplayer games she does love being a huge stinker and do silly stuff like pickpocket and get caught or accidentally set a bomb off in the middle of a cutscene or glitch her character to a-pose, she does a bunch of shit and laughs and doesn't take it seriously at all. Like adaine she also gets gamer rage. she gets them both banded from online for a month bc they team up to cast a spell on someone thru the screen. LOVESS shit like guitar hero and skater games sooo much, also into those wwe type games. Cant stomach horror at all but will make the rest of the kids sit down and play horror games w her so they can laugh and scream together.

Gorgug - he tends to like more older games, say in the style of star fox/loz and stuff. His parents gave him and older gaming system when he was younger n he still has it around and collects games for it, its seeing a lot more use than it originally did bc now he has friends to play with. The type of guy to still carry their ds around. I feel like hed also modify and rom hack stuff for his friends. He likes going to the arcade in person and playing there than sitting in front of a computer.

Ayda - yes im including her shes a gamer girl in my heart. I feel like she loves life sims/complex puzzle games, stuff like slime rancher, portal, animal crossing. She has 1000+ hours into a single sims save file. She spends hours and hours building and working on the most elaborate farming system for whatever new sim shes getting invested in. She especially loves organizing in games, she gets a bit antsy playing more survival based games with the bad kids because they leave their systems so unorganized (shes def the type to redo the entire base from top to bottom in dont starve while the rest die off screen). neat and orderly decoration is soo fun for her and the bad kids try not to step on her turf too much. refuses to play multiplayer if it's with anyone else but the badkids, but if anyone would start a gaming channel its her. will do obscenely gay cutesy stuff w fig n game. They build their own little base and junk and pretend to hosts weddings n stuff. Shes also very into speed running and breaking games with glitches to figure out how they work.

[ultramidas]

Worst Fucking Week 1/2

I Just had one of the worst fucking weeks of my life and i dont know what to do with myself anymore, first off theres my fuck ass father i dont even know where to get started this guys is a fucking deadbeat piece of shit who doesnt fucking care about me or anyone else besides his fucking retarded girlfriend he he doesnt care abot me or my feelings and i fucking hate talking to the guy i had an argument with him a week before when i was at my moms place and the week i was with him which is this week he was talking about some "oh i do love you okay and i do care" i dont even remeber what he said because it wasnt even important he doesnt care about my health he cant cook the only thing he can cook is fucking pasta which is the bare minimum and he did it once this week so i dont get any healthy meals or anything the rest of th week is just fast food bullshit usually i dont mind mcdonalds or something once or maybe even twice a week if i feel like it but i swear he got me mcdonalds 4 out of the 7 days of the week maybe more and he got me fucking wendys almost every day and he always get a fucking baconator which is the most unhealthy shit like im surprised im not fucking dead yet the only reason im not obese is because i fucking starve myself which isnt healthy but i dont wanna be 300 pounds overweight and the guy never buys anything at the grocery store either its always chips and fucking soda or ice cream or shit he uses for pasta speaking of soda its the only thing in the house besides water no fucking joke and its like that every week i stay with him and sometimes he'll get gatorade or some shit like that but its not any better i want fuckin juice or milk or something other than water and like water is fucking amazing but i want a bit more flavor in my fucking mundane shitty life nad other than that its just alchohol which im not old enough to drink neither do i wanna drink that shit yet and the way he treats my sister makes me wanna beat the shit out of him he treats her like shit always threatening to kick her out because of something she never did or that my dad thinks he did like my sister will do the dishes and laundry n shit and my dad will say she didnt and fucking argue and fight wih her he just doesnt care he doesnt care about feelings or other people besides his girlfriend who is a fucking stupid bitch who cant even drive a fucking car and gets scammed n shit i dont know why he likes her or why she likes him probably money but whatever i dont care if he's dating a gold digger its his fault and i hate him anyways so i dont care because h would never care for me back, secondly school i fucking hate school i wanna drop out but the school wont let me and i hate it school fucking depresses me ive cut myself considered suicide over it havent slept good in years because of it all my depression shit started in 8th grade because that shit sucked and it hasnt gotten any better ive only ever had one fun class and that was workshop or woodshop whatever the fuck its called anyways i liked it because it was some art projects n shit i could make cool shit in that class and ive wanted to take another art class but my dad doesnt want that i asked for it for 10th grade and he just told the school "no" so idk i tried taking a guitar class in 10th grade but the teacher was a fucking bitch we got test every singe fucking day and he didnt help us learn or neither was he fun he just fucking complained and yelled if you didnt do one not exactly fucking right it was depressing and not fun maybe i would have stayed if the teacher wasnt a bitch but he was so fuck that class and fuck him and co-op i dont even wanna get started with that shit i hated it i had a co-op at some place called the boys and girls club in a spot called the digital creative arts center which sounded fucking awesome but actually it sucked first thing i tried doing there was a music production section but the teacher sucked and i had to stay in a cramped ass room with like 10 other people which fucking sucked and i hate being around people so i quit that shit-

[z0mp13ss]

I am somewhat neutral when it comes to my stance on Bonnie. He’s not a big character to me, and he’s not necessarily my favorite, but he’s cool or whatever. Fnaf 1 Bonnie design is cute and simple, I like it. He’s not necessarily spooky, but seems like he would have a lot of sas and personality; as do most of the animatronics. I can easily see why he is a well-liked character through out the franchise, as almost none of his designs are huge fuck ups. I like how he plays guitar too. Twinning. Anyways, I like the small mental breakdowns that Chica and Bonnie are given after they are used for parts, becoming ‘withered’. Chica gives a bit more depth and explanation, explaining that she was the first child killed, while Bonnie explains that he wants his fucking face back. I like how he is a male character who, ig since he wears makeup, can come off as a bit more feminine?? But I’ve seen like, 1 person make him into a female..Maybe 3. Possibly 2. I don’t know. Just very little. I find it sweet, as he isn’t really slandered against much either. Uhmmsmsm there is no phantom Bonnie but he would just be a green goo animatronic like the rest of his gang. SPRINGTRAP ON THE OTHER HAND, holy shit I hate this guy. He looks like he would smell like absolute dog shit. Someone needs to wash him because he was rotting for so long and he absolutely fucking deserved it. I bet he cant live a day in his life without gagging due to his own stench. Uhmm springtrap actually isnt that good looking, but Scraptrap is worse because how did his head get 4 times bigger??? Nightmare Bonnie looks sick, and I like his jack-o-bonnie version. Looks cool. No further comments. I feel bad for Bon Bon. Like, he was a big joke in previous years, where he was like..belittled to a throw toy for Funtime Freddy. I think it’s an interesting concept to have him be a puppet, but I think a cuter design would’ve been like, a diff Funtime Freddy design with Bonnie being a sock puppet-kinda thing. I don’t know, I just really like sock puppets. I should make some. Rockstar Bonnie is cute, I like how he is a bit..idk. He doesn’t stand out much,. Not a big fnaf of FNAF 6. I dunno. RWQFSFASXC is so fucking cool, I don’t like how his name is shortened to “Shadow Bonnie” though like okay, just memorize his name. I like Plush trap as well, he’s one of my favorites. He reminds me of Fetch (from the books.) I love Fetch, he’s my #1 favorite. I dont know what else to say. That’s it ig.

[poisonedapples]

I forgot how much I used to love music. I forgot how I spent my entire childhood begging my dad to get me a drumset so I could learn the drums. I forgot how excited I was when music electives where you learn instruments became available to my grade. I forgot all the research I put into band and orchestra, about their different instruments and which ones I thought would be the best to play. I forgot how, at first, I counted down the days until I could get my hands on my first violin. I forgot how I practiced every day and was the best in my orchestra because of how much I loved it. I forgot about my dreams to play drums, to be great at instruments and be involved in the musical world.

I forgot it because school absolutely crushed that dream of mine. It crushed my love for my instrument because practicing was mandatory, your performance was a grade, and if you weren’t the best you were a failure. I forgot how music class used to be my favorite class, because by middle school it became my least favorite. I forgot all this because every time I hear a violin, I get memories of my awful times in orchestra and never want to hear a violin ever again.

Now, I’ve been dabbling in guitar for about a week now. I’m far from good. I know about two chords because I’m still waiting for my ACTUAL guitar to come, but it still sits next to me in my bed as a fumble with the strings, which is more than I can say for my violin that stayed in its case when I wasn’t in class. I don’t have the money or space for a drumset, but when I’m older I definitely want to get a decent electric one and fulfill that old childhood dream of mine. I’m spending my free time looking at different models, beginner songs to learn, and counting down the days until my package arrives.

The education system really does crush your dreams, but it’s nice to know that you can always regain your love again.

[monarchxx]

Kurt Cobain Dating a Riot Grrl Band Member Would Include...

request: Hi, can you please write headcanons of kurt cobain dating a girl who is in a riot grrl band? You're doing God's work <3

a/n: first off i feel like this is kind of shit soo i didnt know if i wanted to post it or not and i might delete it later but also I AM SO SORRY I DIDNT SEE THIS SOONER BUT ANYWAYS HERE YOU GO

alright now listen

he was interested in you from the moment he saw you 

but then when he talked to you and found out you were in a band

girl that was just the cherry on top of the cake 

not only were you drop dead gorgeous 

you also were deeply invested in music just like him

like shit that just made you perfect in his eyes

and he knew he’d be dumb if he didn’t ask you out

so... he did.

he supported you 100,000,000%

especially after finding out youre in a riot grrrl band

and learning about everything you guys stood for 

kurt himself is a feminist 

believes men and women should be equal

yk all that jazz

you being in a band that goes against the standards really inspired him

he was attracted to your non conformist lifestyle/ artistry  

now he tries his hardest to come to every show 

and he did for the most part

up until nirvana really took off

but when that happened he was constantly promoting your band 

yk telling his fans to go check out your band

or casually naming your bands songs as some of his favorites in interviews 

stuff like that

even had your band open for nirvana a couple times

he would ask for your opinion on songs

depends on what you do in your band but

if you play guitar he will ask for your help to come up with riffs

you play drums he’ll ask you to play in the background of a demo recording 

if you sing yall will be singing a damn duet

writing lyrics together 

he likes to help write material for your band

and even if he isnt helping you write a song he still enjoys watching you write a song

because you are so focused and he can really see how passionate you are about music

as i said before your band really inspired him in many ways

going against standards 

doing your own thing, yk?

it also really opened his eyes to more things happening the world 

he’d ask you to explain to him everything that you stand for 

so he can get a better understanding of your band and the songs meanings

he wanted to be educated on things you were passionate about 

KURT IS A PROUD BOYFRIEND

when he sees you on stage he is just in awe

he cant take his eyes off of you 

is 100% jamming out and singing along with the rest of the crowd

it’s kind of like a “that’s my girlfriend” moment 

where he’s telling everyone that while pointing at you up on stage

he had gotten so deep into the meaning behind riot grrrl that anytime someone would ask him about you and your band he would easily be able to slip into the roots and why it became what it is

now

you’re passionate for music

strong headed about your beliefs 

live a bohemian life

and are extremely beautiful

i mean hell

you kind of just did for kurt

you were everything he liked in a person

so easy to say he fell in hard and deep for you

and he had no plans of letting you go 

a/n #2: yeah girl idk about this one.. i might delete and try again later so we’ll see 

[kyameron]

Tag how many mutuals you want to ask these 33 questions to

1).Name and nickname: Cameron but everyone calls me Cam of course

2).meaning of your tumblr username: its how my name would be pronounced in Japanese

3).What is one dream you have yet to accomplish?traveling outisde the country,,seeing the places I have on my travel bucket list

4).What accomplishment are you most proud of? having my own space both physically and mentally just an quiet and calm life

5).What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done and would you do it again? I went bungie jumping before and am questioning if ill actually do it again

6).What type of music are you into?: I listen to alot alternative rap rock n roll and dream pop, indie artist and some old school here and there

7).What's the most embarrassing thing you've ever done?public speaking infrontof my elementary class in an play

8).What’s the one thing that people always misunderstand about you? my whole personality

9).If a genie granted you 3 wishes right now, what would you wish for?To be an billionare but no known or famous, to be married to Rihanna lol and to have all of the hot cheetos i can eat without getting heart burns

10).If you had superpowers, which one would you have and why?: mines would be teleportation so I would never get caught lacking 😅

11).What is the strongest animal you could win against with just your bare hands and feet?I would say racoon when there not looking at me..sooo am going to sneak them pretty much

12).What is your strongest qualities?: trustworthiness, loyalty,observant and crazy still 😂

13).What's the best advice a family member gave you growing up?:never trust anybody..not even the ones close to you

14).if you could have an one night stand with anybody who would it be?..it could even be an mutual if you like or celebrity: i want be too spicy..ill let yall answer that lol

15).Ethnicity & Nationality and do you take pride in it?: Black Americana with a little bit of native American because my great great grandma was native I think 😑😅

16).hobbies or talents: I know how to write poetry but to shy to speak it.I've done martial arts Like Boxing,Muay thai and kickboxing plus alittle bit of Brazilian jiu-jitsu.I also love dancing and doing sports like soccer,Baseball and track and field.but lastly I love watching anime and tv shows/movies.

17).what is your fashion style: i love streetwear so pretty much alot of oversized stuff. i love to mix it up wearing comfy and cozy clothing just chilling i guess ,love matching colors together and i love pearls!.

18).What do most people overestimate or underestimate about you? i think most people underestimate me because am an slim guy the usual things and how petty I can get because i can get real petty for shits and giggles lol

19)..are you an lover or fighter: both at times i love intimacy and physicality if I have too lol

20).If someone narrated your life, who would you want to be the narrator?: Tyler the creator

21).What problem are you currently grappling with?: Anxiety

22).What's your favorite physical attribute about yourself?: My hair

23).What hobby/talent have you always wanted to develop?:playing the guitar

24).What’s the certain product you couldn’t live without? chapstick becuase my lips can get dry quick sometimes lol

25).what is one thing you would change about yourself: try to be more calmer and less anger at times

26).What personality traits did you get from your parents?: well i think i have there sense of humor and straightforwardness..no time for Bullshit

27).Which one do you prefer: being controlled or be in control?: well if were being kinky i like to be in control and for her to be in control if shes ontop lol

28).What are your phobias? spiders..spiders..spiders and spiders and i think i hate heights too especially i might piss me pants lol

29).What qualities do you want in a partner who will be with you for the rest of your life?: funny,smart,goofy,weird and needs to love anime or else lol.someone who isnt afriad to show there emotions on there sleeve to me ..someone am comfortable to talk too

30).Who is your role model in life? Idk never really had like an role model i know personally .

31).What are the things that drive you crazy? ppl who burp to much or loud,,eating with your mouth open.. people whos always gossiping ...overly loud people and ppl who always trying to start drama

32).Do you plan to have kids?:yes and i want twins or an daughter

33).Would you rather visit your ancestors in the past or meet your descendants in the future? going to the future because we already know what happened in the past..aint no way lol

tag your it: @yeruka @6th--raikage @saucegotti @chynese-panda @bitchpleaseee @poeticjiggy @thefuckingvillian @ricebeansandplatanos @pactivist @milfmamii @theeheadturner @thewolfandhismoon @capricornmami @eyezehuhh @suki-starburst @theryanproject @hotboygucciglockboy @hopeellis @operationgloomsday @klends

[blissfali]

sorry not sorry heres one of my many crimeboys aus. more info below

tommy ran away from dream oh no what i surprise!! i mean i mean well hes in a hotel motel hes got about 40 dollars to his name and at 9pm in the evening after a fitful rest of sleep he takes his stolen car down to the waffle house a block away and accidentally falls alseep in one of the booths before he can order. wilbur is a minimum wage employee and doesnt get paid enough for this shit he just continues to poke tommy with the end of the broom until he wakes up and they talk for a bit. wilbur is absolutely convinced tommy is high as balls but upon further inspection hes like 16 years old so probably not. wilbur offers tommy a ride back home, tommy declines because he may be running away somewhat carelessly but hes not about to get kidnapped by waffle house man and he goes back to the hotel alone. fast forward to morning, tommy had planned to be in another state by 6:30am but now its 9 am and hes waiting for wilburs next shift in the waffle house booth. it isnt until 8pm that the guy shows up and pokes tommy with the broom because the kid fell asleep again. wilbur trashes his shift in favor of going to the park with tommy and they give each other their life stories. tommy escaped an abusive home life and stole dreams car, now hes 2 states over and hes been gone for almost 2 weeks. wilbur dropped out of college a month ago and is just trying to save enough money for new guitar strings right now. tommy, while still a bit skeptical, takes wilbur to his car and shows the guy his ukulele he stole from a music shop when he was 11. wilbur promises to bring his guitar the next day. tommy goes back to his hotel and pays for another night. 

[aphrodite1288]

Hey! I know this isnt about kaisoo, but theres a sasaeng account on twt saying that chanyeol was one of the idols involved in the nth room scandal, and its such a big claim i wanted to know if you guys know of this rumor

Yes I know about this. And not to be biased but Chanyeol and Sehun have nothing to do with the sun scandal but haters keep dragging them because at some point because of work Sehun became friends with seungri and Chanyeol with jung joonyoung, but they were met due to work and variety show in chanyeol's case, seungri was the one who contacted Sehun 1st after MAMA 2015 incident where he sat on his lap and Sehun was so shocked so Seungri had to apologise and ask to know Sehun better so he asked him to hangout a lot, thankfully suho didn't allow it to happen much, they went out eating two times probably but their relationship didn't extend to that level thanks to suho whom is very protective over Sehun and his reputation also the band reputation. Sehun can be easily dragged and played that's why Myeonnie hyung was always there to stop him when he knows Sehun is in the wrong. You can say he and seungri was a passing thing platonic superficial acquaintance that lasted for three years barely because Seungri kept the contact from his side, but Sehun didn't really try , you can say Sehun was playing along since seungri was overly nice to him and always insisting and inviting him so Sehun was just complying and he was shy since a HYUNG and SUNBAE is asking him to hangout and inviting him to pay for him at some fancy places , in korean culture you should respect older ppl and try your best not to reject an invitation from someone who's older than you let alone YOUR SUNBAENIM in the industry, so you can say Sehun didn't have a choice but to go with suengri when he asked but with no hard feelings, it's true though that seungri was trying to drag Sehun in his circle of playboys after 3 years of catfishing him by being overly nice to him to gain his trust but sehun was never into it, also Junmyeon was always skeptical and protective so nothing deep ever happened.

About Chanyeol, that mf is a naive boy and I hope he stops being too naive around everyone. He can befriend anyone just to learn music and real estate and investments shit and he did so to learn more guitar and music from Joonyeong becuz hell yeah as much as I hate to say it but Joonyeong is such a musician with big knowledge, and sometimes I'm sorry I might upset some yeolmaes here, but that boy (Chan) is always stoopid and gets lied at and taken advantage of a lot and he never learns until he falls in trouble, like he gets his money stolen in investments he plans to have , he is desperate to become a businessman for the rest of his life when he no longer becomes a musician 💁🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ you have no idea how many scammers have scammed him! He is well known for being dumb and too naive. Sorry but if he ever gets in trouble again, it might be bad this time. The 10 gfs scandal was enough to ruin him, lol he is even more naive and stoopider around women. Even his sister and Baekhyun said how much it's easy to scam him and trick him and steal his money and get him in trouble. 💁🏻‍♀️

Your boy better watch out 😪

Sometimes scandals are necessary for people to learn and sorry but Chanyeol needs to learn.

I know some solo stans will come at me but sorry

The last thing I care about is your complaints when u come here crying to me with anger in my ask box. I don't have time for your vent and rant. 💁🏻‍♀️

@Aurore_Queen_Of_The_Universe 💁🏻‍♀️👑✨

[shaggi]

if i could stop time, i would

info ; eren x reader ; soulmates ; 1.8k

content warning ; end of the world concept, mentions of not really wanting to live lol, gentle angst

Day one. 72 hours until the world ends.

The world is going to shit. I know it is because I can hear the panicked buzz of mothers holding their children close and reassuring them as the news practically burned "we're all going to die" into our heads.

My fingers twitched as they held the dark blue fabric of my jeans. I'm terrified ㅡ as is the rest of the people watching the news ㅡ and it most definitely doesnt help when they plaster a large timer onto the screen counting down our days and hours left on our beloved blue planet.

"We never thought this day would come.. Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached the end of the chapter." The words echoed into the back of my mind. 'The end of the chapter'? I havent even really lived my life? I'm only seventeen.. I barely made it to graduation. I suck in a deep breath, filling my lungs fully before releasing the built up pressure.

Theres a burning sensation on my waterline, tears threatening to roll down my cheeks. My hands begin to shake when I think back to all the sleepless nights I spent not enjoying life. I took life for granted ㅡ and now it's going to end in three days. In seventy-two hours, it's all going to go away. That's not enough time to say all the things I didnt have a chance to say.

Wasted opportunities.

Wasted chances that I now no longer have control over.

My legs suddenly feel like spaghetti and walking seems like a foriegn topic to me. I just need to sit down, take a breather.

Who am I kidding. The storm inside me is raging on tonight and my hands have a handful of messy locks.

I catch glimpse of inked red calligraphy spelling out the name 'Eren' that is marked onto the inside of my forearm in small writing just an inch below my wrist. My heart swells with sadness.

The sense of realization settles in, practically telling me to 'let this sink in for a little'. I'm not ever going to get the chance to meet my soulmate. I'll never get the satisfaction of weaving their fingers with mine, to lay on the couch on cold winter nights with blankets drooped over our shoulders. Never get the chance to tell them I love them over and over again, to brush their hair behind their ears, grab them by the smooth skin of theirs and feel the fireworks of pressing my lips against their own.

I wont feel the sweet electricity course through me like people explained would happen when they touched their soulmate for the first time. I've spent seventeen years searching for this perfect person in the happiness of this little town. The universe promised a perfect person, they never promised me to meet them though.

The younger generations were lucky, for they werent born with marks. They werent tied to someone, so they dont have anything to lose other than the fact that they're too young to leave this world.

A crowd begins to pull outside, staring at the sky with both a mix of admiration and fear. The blue sky has begun to turn itself into a peach color. My town's happy vibe has now turned uneasy, scared, unsure.

That day, I walk home slowly when the sky begins to darken, taking the scenery of the autumn leaves disarray upon the concrete sidewalk. If the world is ending in three days, I'm going to make the most of it. Soak it up like a sponge. Do what I should've been doing these past seventeen years and love life for once ㅡ despite all the wrong. Despite the fact that I'll never graduate, and never meet my soulmate. I force myself to disregard the nagging thoughts that tug at my conscious.

I dont think about the fact that I'll never get a chance to buy my first apartment.

I dont think about how I wont be able to wake up every morning to make my significant other breakfast.

And I most certainly dont think about how I'll never be able to take my lovers hand at the alter and say with great pride, "I do."

Day 2. 48 hours until the world ends.

Today, I woke up early. Early enough that the sun still hasn't peaked over the clouds. They say that if you wake up early enough the day takes longer to end.

The aching pain in my chest never seems to cease. I laugh a little bitterly at the calander on the wall, I feel like its mocking me now. A part of me wants to rip the thing to shreds and scream until my throat is raw ㅡ but I said I'd make the best of these last days. So, I push these bitter thoughts from my mind and start up a warm shower.

Seventeen years of not wanting to be alive, and now I only have two days to live until the entire world completely goes to shit. Ironic, isn’t it? Why now am I so angry? The water is warm trickling down my bare body, as my shower thoughts continue treading forward to how I could make life better in less than forty-eight hours.

I walk down a different road today, deciding that routine wasnt necessary when the world is going to end in forty-eight hours. The countdown continues on nearby TVs, the bright white luminous against the dark morning sky.

It makes me feel anxious.

Destruction clouds my mind, but I bite my lip and hold my ground. This situation will not drive me crazy.

The town is a lot quieter than I expected, then again it's only 6 in the morning.

The day carries on just as any other day, the air seems heavier though. It's the night time that brings chaos.

You see, I've been walking around town all day blowing that last little bits of money I have on little things that have no purpose. The sky is the same sunset peach as it was yesterday, only barely hinting at a blue color.

There's a faint noise a few blocks from where I am standing, and at first I chose the ignore it. The yelling got louder and louder until I felt my feet pull like magnets to what was going on.

Chocolate hair, smooth tan skin shining under the soft orange of the sky, handfuls of someones shirt as this mystery man pinned some junky against the rough brick wall. His eyes held a killer glow, practically fuming from the ears. I was going to mind my own business, but then I saw the other strike at the brunette ㅡ and I dont know why, but I stepped in.

A surprise attack, a blow right to the face, maybe a minor bruise on my cheek from when the other decided to attack back ㅡ but soon he left. I turn my gaze back to the brunette who still sits on the floor, palms pressed into the concrete.

"I didnt need your help," he hissed, dusting his hands against the black fabric of his jeans.

"Oh you're welcome for saving your ass, wasnt a problem at all." My hand lifts to my face, pressing onto the bruise and wincing before squatting next to this stranger. "Is it bad? Let me see," The moment my hand makes contact with the others chin I feel the rush of electricity course through me.

Overwhelming is an understatement. Sweet emotions flooded through my mind but I can feel the pounding of fear in my veins, and bittersweet it was. When I retract my hand, I see that he's mirrored the exact expression I have; eyes blown wide, fear in the darks of his pupils.

"Eren..?" trying to keep my voice from cracking seems hard, and it comes out more like a whisper. This situation leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. Where the hell has he been for seventeen years? Why is he just now showing up?

Eren immediately sprung to his feet, taking a few steps back with no words to say. I snatched at his left arm, pushing the sweaters sleeve up and over his forearm to see my name inked in blue against his paper skin. "So.. you're my soulmate?" I promise I didnt mean to make it sound disappointed ㅡ but in a way, I guess you could say I was.

So many questions raced through my mind; but the biggest question of all was why? Why now of all times we could've met? Why must I be gifted with the worst luck.

Eren isnt a bad person though, and in the few hours we've spent together I can tell you this; His favorite color is red, he lives with his mother and a girl that his family took in when they were very little - who he loves dearly, he can play guitar very well, he looks absolutely adorable with his hair tied up, and that's only the stuff he's told me within the first hour.

Words cannot express how much I wished we could have more time together, but the bright TV clocks continue to remind me that our time is running out.

"There's nothing more I'd rather do than to spend my last moments with you," Eren whispered, golden flecks in his beautiful ocean eyes. His hand was held in mine as the pained expression washed over his face. Somewhere in the conversation led us to this point of heartbreak. We both explained how we wanted nothing more than to meet earlier in life, but apparently the universe had a different plan.

The idea of parting with Eren now just seemed like a waste, and I'd much rather take my dying last breath next to the one I looked for my entire life. Falling in love is easy when you've got nothing to live for.

The walk back to my house is silent, but it's a comfortable silence, and we never seem to let go of each others hands. The house is quiet and dark when we enter.

The rest of the remaining night we have is spent cuddled under the thick blanket of mine, Eren held me close to his chest as we whisper sweet things that wont mean much in a few hours. Chaste kisses are showered over the male as I remind him of how I never stopped searching for him.

He studied my face, moving a strand of hair behind my ear before placing his palm onto my cheek and rubbing his thumb across the smoothness underneath my eye. I could feel my breath begin to shallow and my heart skip a beat. I loved the way his eyes sparkled under my dim-lit room, the way I could feel his heartbeat pulsing from how close we lay where, how steady his breathing was, and how gentle he caressed me.

Its bittersweet, and I never believed in the after life, but with him - maybe, just maybe, we will meet again in the next life.

[shhh-no-ones-home]

kick back vinny mauro x reader

+++++++++

the song she sings are original lyrics by me, there will be a screenshot of the whole thing in the comments/reblogs if you would like to see it all. there is no sheet music, i am not a musician, but the lyrics are all my own and subject to copyright (/11/06/20/). thanks for understanding

Song: sorry haha I fell asleep by egg

tag list: @musicsexandpizza69 @thisplace-ishaunted @lifeisabitchandsoareyou @svintsandghosts @alilpunkrock @cynic-spirit @theoneandonlykymberlee +++++++++

I looked down at my phone as it rang for the eighth time today. It was Vinny. Again. Couldn't he take the hint? He thought he wanted me but I knew he didn't. How could he? Clearly he wouldn't let it go though. I rolled my eyes and went to put my phone back down when it dinged. He didn't call this time. It was actually a text.

"I know you're ignoring me but I'm gonna keep trying, i told you how i feel and thats not gonna change. Also a heads up, I'll see you on tour."

My eyes went wide before I immediately called our band manager.

"Just the person I wanted to talk to."

She said fairly chipper.

"Tell me we aren't."

I said sternly.

"What?"

She sounded confused.

"Tell me we aren't touring with motionless."

She laughed a little.

"Why would I tell you that? Of course you guys are. isnt it exciting?"

My mouth dropped.

"Why?!"

"Um, because it's good publicity? their manager called me yesterday and asked if you wanted to collab on something too so i hope youve been writing. but back to tour. They are doing a short spring tour, just a few weeks. i figured you were the best breakout band on my label."

She seemed very happy. I sighed into the receiver.

"Dawn their drummer has been calling and texting me for two weeks straight."

She paused.

"Okay?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose.

"He has been trying to get me to go out with him for two weeks straight."

"Oh!"

She said.

"Then what's the problem?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Ya know what, actually there's no problem. this is a great opportunity for our career. When are we starting?"

"Great! I have to call the rest of the girls but you start February third."

I nodded.

"Okay. Two months away. I can put this off till then."

I said more to myself.

"Well dear I've got to go, I'll talk to you when the posters come out."

°°°°°°°°°

i sat on the ground outside the bus and strummed my guitar lightly. id been in contact with all the girls from our band and all the motionless guys for our new song together since i got the call from dawn two months ago but things werent coming out as good as wed hoped. so here i was still working on it, by myself. the thing is though the song was supposed to be out by the end of tour and yet here we all were, one week in and still nothing. i couldnt even focus on the task at hand. i had to much other shit running through my mind.

"that sounds pretty."

i heard from behind me and stiffened my body.

"thanks, ive been trying to find new chords for the song."

i said as vinny came into view.

"well i think it sounds great, when i read through the lyrics you had so far i wasnt really sure how heavy it would end up being but i kinda like that."

he said, moving to sit in front of me. i nodded.

"it will be heavier but my brain wont let me right now."

i said, dropping my hands to my lap. he nodded back.

"well what you have so far sounds beautiful anyways."

i stared at the ground, tapping my fingers lightly against the guitar.

"actually vin, this isnt for the collab. its actually for you and the only reason i cant finish the other song is because im lost."

he raised a brow.

"its for me?"

i sighed.

"i dont exactly know how to talk to you anymore so i figured a song would be easier but its really not."

i said through a nervous laugh.

"ive been meaning to talk to you about that actually."

i shook my head.

"you dont have-"

"no, i do."

he said, sending me a look.

"i shouldve taken the hint in December but i thought that if i persisted then maybe youd see how much i meant what i said. but i guess somewhere along the line i got annoying. hell i know, i did, i was annoying myself. then when you started texting me back, even though it was just about the new song, i was excited. it meant i could still talk to you even if it was just business."

"vin i-"

"please, just listen for a second."

i cleared my throat and nodded.

"okay, lay it on me."

he took a deep breath.

"i want you to know that i did mean what i said, i do really like you and i want to try something, a relationship, casual dates, hell even just hanging out. maybe you dont want more, and thats fine. but i still want you in my life and i want you to know that i do care about you. even if you have been ignoring me on purpose."

i frowned.

"vin i dont know how to do this."

i said, motioning between us.

"all my past relationships have crashed and burned and i dont know how to move on form that. i dont want to have to change who i am again."

he shook his head.

"you dont- you would never have to do that. i like you the way you are, and i want to prove that to you."

i sent him a look.

"no, you like who ive created for you. thats not me. im not carefree and easy going, and agreeable. im pig headed and strongly opinionated and i have a loud mouth."

i said with a laugh. he smiled back at me which i wasnt quite expecting.

"i dont care about all that. i care about you, whether you think youve created someone for me or not. give me stubborn. give me opinionated and loud. hell even give me furious at times. i know thats the real you and yet im still trying. cant you see that?"

i bit the inside of my cheek and thought for a second. then i looked down started strumming again lightly.

"im sorry for making things harder, i never meant to make it this far."

i began singing lightly.

"you dont deserve this mess of a person, i just keep making things hard."

i looked to him and he was staring at me intently.

"we've made it this far, i cant believe youre still around. i thank the heavens cause if not id be six feet down"

i closed my eyes, swaying back and forth as i played.

"Im sorry for making things harder, you dealt with this before. If i make it up to you somehow, we wont have to waste our time no more."

i said softly, over the guitar before stopping and looking at him.

"its not quite done yet."

i said a little shy. he sent me a small smile.

"i love you."

he said and my face went straight. i watched as he scooted his way closer to my side.

"ill always be here for you, no matter how we move forward."

i looked to my lap for a second before looking back to him. he was staring at me longingly.

"i think i love you too vin."

i said, barely above a whisper. he looked between my eyes before his hand moved to graze my cheek. i couldnt help moving into him. before i knew what was happening i was kissing him lightly, his hand going to the back of my head to hold me to him. when he pulled away he had a huge smile on his face.

"the song sounds great by the way."

i laughed a little at that, feeling a blush creep its way to my face as he pressed his forehead to mine.

"our little atypical love song."

[artificialac1d]

ahhh view monster very epic album. it has a few miss songs, but skipping those aren’t a bother 

lets go!!!!  kaleidoskull (hhhnfghjdbf instrum ents) this is a cute little instrumental piece to start off the album!! it sounds really nice and calming sorta. cool!! amnesia was her name (guitar B]) uhh this one is fine. i dont listen to this one a lot, i usually skip it, but it isnt awful!! it has a nice little instrumental. the man in stripes and glasses (ehh) the song isnt bad its just preventing me from listening to mARKETLAND. the chorus also is not the greatest. the rest is fine. marketland (dododododododooododododoododooooooooo) the guitar(?) part at the beginning and that persists through the song is cool!! i never realized how much i love the instrumentals to lemon demon songs until i wrote these damb. MOMMA ZOOMA money is VERY fun to sing i love it yes thank you. tried playing it uke once, failed miserably B] gadzooks (this album starts off with a lot of misses h) this song is alright. same opinions with this one with amnesia :/ knife fight (FIGHT FOR YOUR LIIIIIIFE) oh yeah??? the instrumental is just!! very cool!!!! the second voice a little obnoxious, and the end part makes me embarrased, btu otherwise, this song is a 13,000/10 would jam to again the only house thats not on fire yet (ahh!!!!! yes!!!!!) oh my GOD this song makes me feel nostalgia i dont even have. its just really peaceful and nice and just dbhhgfjdsrgbhj!! gahhh singing it is a blast!! i really love this song, if you cant tell. the ocean (ballroom dance 😳) another one of my moms favorites!! i dont know why i keep including my mom into these,,, be quiet. very upbeat!! nice little uhh synth(?) bits!!! i dont know what to call these little computer noises hngjhfbjdh. this song is really memorable for me! v fun to sing. the afternoon (exploding house i think) see the footprints in the cave??? this song is a lot like the only house thats not of fire yet in the nostalgia part. very good time!! very much vibes!! love it spring heeled jack (murderer but bouncy) instrumental!!! 20/10!!! i use a lot of !! sorry 😳 uhh the lyrics!! fun! cool to sing along to, very nice song!! thank you kneel sliceofpizza!  being a rock star (the music industry sucks) sticks instrumental?? hell yeah!! again, VERY fun to sing if im home alone or soemthing. the chorus,,,, 10/10 love that. very vibes ask for nothing (balloon flew away :pensive:) this song is cute!!! the instrumental is very soft, and so is the singing/lyrics!! this is a very nice like, calming song!! very nice satirists love song (w hoa) i havent lsitened to this one in a while so i am listening to it while writing. whoa!! the instrumental is GREAT (like always) the singing is nice!! the little chorus bits are cool! hell yeah. the machine (anticipation to bill watterson😳) do i need to keep saying the instrumental is good? the instrumental is good. THIS is one of the songs you can just, relax to and chill out. very very nice experience!! listen to this after a long day. bill watterson (og fuckm oh shit stalker neil) instrumental...... really cool very jamming i literally cannot express how FUN this song is to sing this song i literally cannot its GREAT 1,000,000/10 would commit arson to again. something glowing (literally almost spelled it something clowning im so tired) this is nice! very relaxing and theraputic. its a nice relaxing song compared to the obsessiveness of bill waterson. nice contrast!! 320x200 (64,000) this instrumental is nice to listen to!! ear candy. ben bernanke (h???? dgfhjdhbfjhkd???) i dont like this song. it sounds good but i dont.. like it. you can like it but. it freaks me out. idk maybe i just hate the visual of ahem EVERYTHING.  drinky-bird (instrumental part 3!! electric dance partee!!) another nice instrumental to listen to!! i dont usually listen to the instrumentals a bunch, but thats only because i want to get to the songs with lyrics lol modify (cut off your fucking arms) whoa... the instrumental is BANGING. i planned to do a seriesof drawings for this song including each person who mangled themselves but gave up lol. the lyrics!! fun!!! upbeat gore B] nightmare fuel (clown head with legs) spoomky ??? well it is spooky month so. yes. the song is pretty nice!! i dont listen toit much so i dont have a lot to say. sundial (JAMMIN) i remember this being the BOP when i first found it. ngl listened to it on repeat for like a day. its very cool!!! very nice to listen to. also who fucked up his sundial who am i fighting. the wiggles hate eachother in real life (never watched it) uhh the instrumental is nice! not my favorite, but its a very interesting sendoff!! oh no one of the wiggles is drunk :[ thanks for reading this bullshit im tired might draw something or pass out idk.

[benreyplush]

ok so

benny is some sort of benrey clone after some weird shit happened when benrey was defeated and made his way back into gordon’s games like payday 2.

he somehow got into terraria and has no memory of black mesa or who he was even based off of. he barely remembers his name and all it came out to him was “benny”

he’s also freakishly tall

when jack (the world’s guide) found him, he was very quiet and seemingly apathetic about his surroundings. didn’t really talk much and jack thought he was an enigma for a while. he did his usual and helped him begin his life there.

but then benny started doing some weird shit that jack wasnt prepared for. enemies couldn’t hurt him. he could freeze time. destroy and create items indefinitely. he has no idea what benny is and the order of the guide never talked about anything like this so obviously he’s very freaked out at first

slowly benny starts remembering some of his old personality and would say things that make 0 sense to jack. jack doesn’t know what “poggers” means.

eventually benny remembers a lot of it and actually feels kinda sad. like he feels like he has to be this “benrey” but he doesnt want to be. hes different.

and jack tells him he’s not benrey. he became his own thing and that was good! and he doesnt have to be like him. benny was very relieved by this and sorta became his own thing. like he was still like benrey but less of an asshole and really just goofed around. he still found himself harassing the new npcs that move in but he never harasses jack. he likes jack.

jack says he wont call him benrey. to him, he’s benny. and benny really appreciates it.

jack always wondered what benny meant by “self aware” when he talked about his memories. benny talked about the “npc ai just getting a mind of their own” and said when he joined this new world, it must have turned everyone in terraria self aware like in half life. so thats cool.

eventually jack like. realizes he might have a lil crush on benny and feels bad about it. because he knows his fate is to be sacrificed in the end and he doesnt wanna grow too close to benny.

but inevitably they end up together and jack is starting to question if he needs to die. like originally he came to terms with it a long time ago but now he’s actually reconsidering??? wow! they have at least one argument when jack actually sits him down and explains the wall of flesh thing.

at some point jack convinces benny to take him on an adventure and they end up in the underworld. jack’s plan was to go through with the sacrifice and almost succeeded but benny grabbed him and told him not to do that again. and jack was like “you have to let me do this” and benny was like “no dude i love u” and then they kissed and it was like. the first time either of them have kissed anyone ever but it was still nice.

and jack is like “ok actually i want to live with you forever lets go home” but a demon appears when they arent paying attention and attacks them and jack gets knocked into the lava and the wall of flesh is summoned. and benny is devastated. 

when thats over a new guide shows up but benny wants nothing to do with him bc he is not jack. and benny is mad at himself bc he can freeze time, control enemy spawn rates n shit but he cant bring ppl back to life and he feels worthless about it

so the rest of the story is about benny having to move on and accept his death :(

so its a sad story 

but here’s some nice things

benny knows the sweet voice still and uses it on jack all the time. it was confusing to them both when he did it the first time. eventually jack gets used to it and actually really likes it. 

jack is supposed to be the helpful npc so he usually keeps himself together but as he grows closer to benny his emotions start coming out more and whenever he’s stressed he can just look at benny and say “sweet voice pls” and benny calms him down with it. benny also uses it to get jack to sleep (”blue and red means its time for bed :)” ) because normally he shouldnt have to but being self aware is tiring.

oh also whenever jack gets burns from the voodoo dolls in the underworld, benny heals them with the sweet voice healing beam :). benny has no idea how he keeps getting burned and eventually just assumes its bc of the furnace and is like “bro stop shoving ur hands in the furnace lol” and jack cant bring himself to tell him the truth so he just goes with it.

benny was the first to confess and he did it by serenading jack with the worst guitar playing that jack has ever heard <3 but it still made him smile. i know he really had to think about it before accepting it bc wall of flesh, can’t get too close, blah blah blah.

plus idk how relationships work in the order of the guide. he probably really didnt expect to get into a relationship and the new guide that comes along probably found it super strange.

anyway this is a lot of text wow im gonna just add on to the post as i think of shit but if u read all of this i am in love with u

EDIT: I FOUND A WAY TO MAKE A HAPPY ENDING

after defeating the moon lord, either the order of the guide or maybe even the spirits of terraria herself brings jack back because benny deserves that after saving all of them.

so benny notices the new guide is gone and was like “weird but whatever” and then he hears someone call out to him. he’s like “ugh what” and turns and its jack and he like. drops his weapon in his hand in shock and takes his eye mask and helmet off to see him properly. like he isnt sure if he’s dreaming or not.

and then he runs to him and grabs him and he’s real holy fuck. so he’s overjoyed and both of them fucking cry (first time jack actually sees ben cry ever!!!) and they kiss n shit and its incredible the end. since the world has been saved, the two live a more domestic life and benny is like “we’re never going to the underworld again ever and also im going to be around u a lot bc i missed u so much and i cant lose u again” so he’s extra clingy but jack is so happy to be back with him that he doesnt care!!!!!

also funny fact but the mechanic was the first npc to move in with them and (i think her name was shayna in my world. will change it if not) was overly annoyed at their constant sappiness before jack was killed. ben was extra affectionate to jack around her bc he likes annoying ppl (except for jack). but when jack comes back from the dead, she still acts annoyed but she’s actually relieved to see benny happy again.

[wizisbored]

I haven't gotten around to reading Wildfire yet, but I do love me some Smoke and Feathers. So, any random hcs about Emma and Zazzy's dynamic?

- zaz pretty much immediately begins to see emma as a tribe member since thats how shes used to defining relationships. shes staying in emmas apartment, therefore theyre tribemates. she has no idea wether her and emma are actually related but she basically adopts her as an ancestor anyway

- the tribe mentality extends to paul but she isnt quite as attatched to him. shes completely baffled at how slow him and emmas relationship is going

- this means that zaz is pretty defensive of emma. she decides that zoey and nora and half of beanies customers are her sworn enemies as quickly as she decided emma is her family

- at first emma only says her apartment is haunted as a joke, but when it becomes unavoidalby apparent that it is haunted shes too tired from work and college to be too bothered. its pretty much a ‘yeah, this might as well happen’. as long as the ghost itsnt wrecking her shit or trying to kill her its fine. if not, she can just give it a timeout in a salt circle.

- theyre both bi and have ADHD you cant change my mind

the rest of these might be considered a lil spoilery but its not something im concerned about keeping hidden and if you know the bbc show ghosts (which this was inspired by) it wont come as a suprise. basically, emma (but not paul) will eventually be able to see and talk to zazzalil

- emma is a little weirded out to find out that zaz has been following her everywhere but she realises that the ghost is ultimately harmless, and when she learns that zaz is petrified of being left alone she completely understands her need to be with people, to the point where if she really cant bring her somewhere she’ll ask paul to be on ghost duty

- emma is worried that having zaz with her in lectures will be distracting because she assumes shed be confused and keep asking questions but zaz is actually quite quiet during them, and emma is instead distracted by looking at the way she stares in wonder at the sheer complexity of something as basic as a leaf and the experience of watching a person’s mind get blown repeatedly

- zaz gives emma advice about interacting with tim since her last memories of her son are him at the same age and 9 year old boys havent changed all that much since the stone age, shes confused as to why emma isnt actively helping to raise tim since shes used to a far more ‘it takes a village’ approach

- emma is quite an outdoorsy person and zazzalil had no way of not being outdoorsy so they go to the witchwood together and zazzalil passes on some knowledge. this leads to some awkward situations when dog walkers come across emma barefoot halfway up a tree debating with the air about eating squirrels

- emma plays guitar, zaz likes to sing, they jam. emma learns some ancient songs and zaz learns some modern ones. zaz’s favourite is could have been me by the struts

- they have movie nights in an effort to teach zaz more about the modern age but things get complicated when zaz has no idea what is based on real life and what are fantasy elements

- zazzalil has the ankle mobility to do a slavic squat, and does frequently. emma does not and zaz does not comprehend why she wont keep her feet flat trying to do it

- sometimes living with zaz is like having a cat. you cannot stop her from climbing on furniture, the rules of furniture mean nothing to someone raised in the stone age. her favourite spot is the kitchen counter and emma just has to deal with that

- every so often zaz picks up on modern vocab and completely takes emma off gaurd with it, especially when its a scientific term she picked up from a biology lecture. she once grabbed emma by the shoulders and demanded to know where the ‘fucking megafauna’ is. that one took a while to recover from.

[cnchoebaby]

A date night - Joel Pimentel

Note: Hello uh this is honestly isnt very good but i really wanted to post it anyways so apologies in advance heh. Oh and flashback is in italics .

Words: 1,234

Warning: light mention of drinking and a hangover

The smell of fresh bakes sweets filled your nose as soon as the door opened. A smile crept on your face as the memory of this place came to your mind. You’d never forget it, it was where you two had first met. It had been a year and a half ago when you and him had bumped into each other, spilling coffee on one another's shirts, both of you profusely apologizing. You’d never been one to believe in love at first sight, but when you looked into those beautiful dark brown eyes everything had changed.

———————————

You woke up with a pounding headache. Last nights fiasco ended with you throwing up in your toilet and passing out on the cold bathroom tile floor. Should you have had those last 5 shots? Probably not, but anything to let loose and have fun, right?

Struggling to sit up, you reached into your draw and pulled out two advils and dry swallowed them immediately. You got up, stripping off last night wardrobe and stumbling into your shower. The cold water hitting your body, washing away all the ickiness.

When you got out, your stomach erupted a large growl, ��Perfect.” You threw on some clothes and grabbed your phone. After scouring you’re entire kitchen you came to the conclusion that you didn’t have anything to eat that didn’t sound completely nauseating to your hungover brain. You decide to walk to a cafe 5 minutes down the street.

You ordered a black coffee and cream cheese bagel. Turning around to go find a seat, you collided with a person behind you. Spilling your coffees all over each other. Immediately you both began profusely apologizing. You looked up to see the person whos bright white t-shirt you’d just stained, to be met with eyes the same color as your coffee.

They were almost hypnotic. Instead of speaking your mouth just dropped open, your brain leaving you speechless. His face surprisingly mirrored yours, it must have been a hilarious sight to see. Two coffee covered strangers gapping at each other. You finally snapped out of the trance and looked from his eyes to his shirt.

“Shit, I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you behind me, I should have looked where I was going.” you apologized. You ran to the counter and grabbed hand fulls of napkins.

“No, completely my fault. I shouldn’t have been standing so close behind you. I’m sorry.” he let out a dry chuckle, taking one handle full of the napkins and drying his shirt.

You look up at him, surprised by his reaction.

He reached his hand out, “I’m Joel, and you?”

“Y/n.” you took his hand.

“Y/n.” he said with delight in his voice. Hearing him say your name release butterflies in your stomach. “Well, y/n, can I buy you another cup, please?”

“If you insist.”

You and he sat in the back corner booth. You two began getting to know each other. Joel told you about this band that he was in and how he was touring around the world. You told him about the university you’d just been accepted into. You each take turns unintentionally going on tangents and making off topic side comments. He’d make awkward jokes that somehow still made you double over in laughter. Before you realize it, you’d somehow spent 5 hours talking.

“It was really nice talking to you y/n. Can we do it again?”

“I’d like that.”

———————————

“So this was your surprise?” you laughed out. Joel had called you earlier today and told you to get ready for a date tonight.

“Just part one, it’s a special night. I’ve got something big instore for us.” he said with a wink.

“Ah so we’re finally robbing a bank, I knew it.” you joked, inciting a laugh from Joel.

“Sorry to disappoint but the heists isn’t planned for another month,” he laughed. “but seriously, I just wanted to give you a special night. I wanted to show you how much I love you.”

You leaned over and gave him a small peck on his lips. Joel had always been such a caring, attentive boyfriend. He always knew exactly what to say and do to make you feel loved, safe, and secure. Being with him was so effortless and yet so invigorating. He could take the most boring day and make it unforgettable.

You two stayed in the cafe for hours, longer than you should have. Cracking jokes, sharing kisses, recounting all the memories you’d shared. The moment remarkably similar to the first time you met.

“Alright y/n, it's time for part two of this little date.” he reached his arm out for you to take, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

As you two got in to your car you put on some music, turning the volume to max. Joel began singing along, occasionally turning to you to make goofy faces. It quickly escalated to you guys having an all out performance in the middle of driving. Passing the imaginary microphone back in forth, you playing a wicked air guitar with the occasional drum solo from him at red lights. You could barely sing in between all your giggles. In this moment all that mattered was you and him.

He began pulling up to a cliff and put the car in park. Turning the radio down, he turned to you, “Alright before you say anything, hear me out. I know its cheesy and cliche, but we have exactly 15 minutes until the sun sets. So I brought a blanket and a speaker and we’re gonna sit on the hood of my car, listen to old music and watch the sunrise together.” the enthusiasm in his voice made your heart fill. “What do you think?”

“I think,” you looked into his eyes, so full of joy and excitement. “I think that's the cheesiest, most cliche, adorable thing anyone's ever done. I love it.” you cupped your hands around his face and pulled it to yours placing kisses all over him. “Thank you.”

“Okay good, wait right here.” he got out, grabbed the blanket and walked to your door, opening it. “Madam?” he said, holding his hand out and bowing.

You couldn't help but let out a laugh at your dork of a boyfriend. You took his hand as he guided you to the front of the car and helped you up. And for the next fifteen minutes, you and Joel laid there together watching the sunrise, a new day starting. Laying there, wrapped in his arms, you’d never felt happier. The sky was different shades of red and pink, the music playing in the background, it was like you two were in a world of your own. It was beautiful.

“You know, before I met you I didn’t think I could be this happy. You’re the most amazing person I know y/n, everything about you is incredible. You’re radiant. I can’t believe I got so lucky to have you in my life,” he said while sitting up and facing you, pulling a small box from his pocket, “and I hope I’ll get to have you for the rest of it. Y/n, will you marry me?”

Your heart was practically bursting at the seams. You loved Joel with everything in your heart and soul. Tears began to prick you eyes and your heartbeat quickened. 

“Of course.”

[finnofamerica]

I was tagged by @kabeswaters and @carolinesbookworld

​

on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? 0

describe yourself in a hashtag? #toostressedtobedepressed

if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? hmmmmmmm, Well that’s a thinker isnt it? Probably my long neglected love Dean O’Goreman

if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? Hey get a load of this disaster of parental/abandonment issues. 

what’s one thing people don’t know about you? If I told you then you would know. 

what’s your wake up ritual? Turn off alarm, get dressed/shower, brush teeth, plan for day, breakfast, coffee. 

what’s your go to bed ritual? Brush teeth, use bathroom, put electronics away, make bed, crawl under covers, sleep. 

what’s your favorite time of day? 2am when everything is quiet and there’s nobody on the streets, best time for a drive. 

your go to for having a good laugh? John Mulaney, and stand up comics in general. 

dream country to visit? Finland for obvious reasons. 

what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? Uhhh,,,, That my coworks actually like working with me. 

heels or flats/sneakers? Converse or work boots

vintage or new? I like both. It just kinda depends. 

who do you want to write your obituary? My best friend, she’s the only one who could do it bc I can’t imagine anyone knowing what she knows. 

style icon? I don’t have one? I just try my best. 

what are three things you cannot live without? Music, food, Skylar. 

what’s one ingredient you put in everything? Teryaki sauce

what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? My 4-H team. I need my girls. 

what’s your biggest fear in life? Working hard to find out that all of my efforts were for nothing. 

window or aisle seat? window because the aisle makes me anxious and I like the lights of cities at night.

what’s your current tv obsession? Ragnarök on netflix. It’s so good and you get to see Herman Tømmeraas shirtless. 

favorite app? Tumblr where nothing makes sense and the points don’t matter. 

secret talent? I’m pretty good at accents. 

most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? Run away.

how would you define yourself in three words? Anxious, Loyal, Persistant. 

favorite piece of clothing you own? A shirt that my Music Teacher made me in highschool. 

a must have clothing item that everyone should have? a hoodie

a superpower you would want? The power to refill things. Refill my bank account, refill the bladder of someone who its annoying me, etc. 

what’s inspiring you in life right now? Spite. 

best piece of advice you’ve received? People keep telling me to relax so.......probably that. 

best advice you’d give your teenage self? Keep doing what you’re doing and you will get what you want. The pain you go through now will make you the woman you were meant to be.

a book everyone should read? The Children of Blood and Bone. 

what would you like to be remembered for? Working so hard that my body goes into shock. 

how do you define beauty? Who gives a shit? As long as you think you’re beautiful, isn’t that all that matters. 

what do you love most about your body? I got curves for days, sugar. 

best way to take a rest/decompress? I miss being able to walk down to the ocean, sit on a rock and just breathe. 

favorite place to view art? Well,,,,,,, a museum I suppose. 

if your life was a song, what would the title be? Oh lord.......... Um....... Take a Break. 

if you could master one instrument, what would it be? Bass, I’m already a bass player, now I just need to get really good at it. 

if you had a tattoo, where would it be? My best friend’s step father is actually designing my tattoo for my left shoulder. 

dolphins or koalas? koalas, but that’s probably bc I’ve heard of dolphines trying to fuck humans. 

what’s an animal that represents you? While I love foxes, I’ve been compared to a cat more than once. 

best gift you’ve ever received? Uhhhhh, considering I can’t remember the last time I actually recieve a gift.....

best gift you’ve given? My bestfriend loves snails, so for her birthday I got her a snail necklace that she wears a lot. 

what’s your favorite board game? Scrabble. I know a lot more words than my siblings, all things considered. 

what’s your favorite color? Green

least favorite color? Yellow 

diamond or pearls? Diamonds??

drugstore makeup or designer? Neither bc I don’t like makeup. 

pilates or yoga? yoga

coffee or tea? depends on the time of day, but both. 

what’s the weirdest word in the english language? Caroline mentioned Palindrome which I like, bc I love palindromes, but I raise you Aibohphobia which is the fear of palindromes which in itself is a palindrome. 

dark chocolate or milk chocolate? milk

stairs or elevators? stairs

summer or winter? Winter, early January, everything is dark all the time. 

you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? Chili and Cheese over rice or Mac n’ Cheese

a dessert you don’t like? Flan

a skill you’re working on mastering? writing, and I should probably take advantage of my free time to actually learn how to play my guitar. 

best thing to happen to you today? I wrote 2222 words which not only is all twos but it’s also a palindrome number and I love palindrome numbers. 

worst thing to happen to you today? I realized once again that I will never make my father proud and he proubably couldn’t care less about me. 

best compliment you’ve ever received? My friend (I’m white) once told me that deep down inside I’m an angry native woman. (Which is the best compliment, especially when it comes from a native herself) 

favorite smell? Petrichor. 

hugs or kisses? I kinda find the idea of kissing weird, so hugs. 

if you made a documentary, would it be about? Probably what it’s like to be on the crew for a touring band, not the band itself. 

last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? The Hobbit movies. I cry when Fili gets stabbed every fucking time. 

lipstick or lipgloss? lipstick

sweet or savory? sweet

girl crush? Danielle Nicole and Haley Reinhart

how do you know you’re in love? ???? Love??? Never heard of her??

a song you can listen to on repeat? Africa by Toto - I know its a meme but I’m not joking. Other than that probably Use Somebody by Kings of Leon

if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? My “rival”. I don’t really give a shit about what she’s doing right now, but I would like to idk steal all her batteries or something to just make her life suck. But then again, she’d be living my life and she’s a psychopath and would probably try to kill me. 

what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? Having the free time to actually write and getting to know my best friend’s family better.

[wistfulcynic]

Another Brick In The Wall: Chapter 8

a/n: Effusive thanks to @hollyethecurious for the artwork! I love it so much! Thanks also to everyone for reading, commenting, kudos-ing, and reblogging! I'm so pleased by the way people have been engaging with this story. Love you all xxx

Summary: Emma Swan, sheriff’s daughter, mayor’s niece, quarterback’s girlfriend, is the undisputed princess of Storybrooke High. She is smart and confident and used to getting what she wants. What she wants is Killian Jones, the new boy in school. But Killian is not easily manipulated, and reluctant to allow the dark secrets in his past to touch the girl he is rapidly falling in love with.

Rating: T

Read it on AO3: Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8

Tags for: @darkcolinodonorgasm @jennjenn615 and @resident-of-storybrooke

Chapter 8: 

Killian was out of school for a week, for a “mental health break” he called it with a chuckle, apparently a term he’d gotten from Dr Hopper. He saw the psychiatrist daily during this break and spent the rest of his time at the harbour with Liam, working on their boat, reading, playing his guitar, and talking with his brother about everything that had happened. 

“We’ve hashed it all out in excruciating detail,” he told Emma as they sat together in the boat’s cabin, she working on her college essays while he practiced a new song. “It’s such a relief to be able to really talk to Liam again. There was a time when we had no secrets between us. He showed me all the information he had collected on Milah and her situation. Apparently her divorce is almost finalised and next month she’s starting a job teaching English in Japan.” He smiled. “She’ll like that, a chance to travel. What she always wanted.” 

“Hmmmph,” said Emma, glaring at the screen of her laptop as she typed rapidly. 

“Swan,” he admonished, giving her a mock scowl as he strummed a chord at her. 

Emma slammed her hands down on the keyboard. “Killian, I just don’t know how you can be so forgiving after what she did to you.” 

He set the guitar aside and his expression became serious. “I have to be, don’t you see?” he asked, looking at her intently. “I can’t hold on to my anger or it will eat me alive. I didn’t even realise how angry I was until Dr Hopper helped me see it, and how by not acknowledging it, allowing myself to feel it, and then letting it go, I was only hurting myself. Besides, I did genuinely care about Milah, and I’m glad she’s finally in a place where she can be happy.” 

“Hmmmmph.” Emma concentrated on deleting the gibberish she’d produced by her attack on the keyboard.

“A place that doesn’t include me,” said Killian brightly, picking up the guitar again and plucking out a cheery tune. “That’s good, isn’t it Swan?”

“I suppose so,” she grumbled. “Though I’d still prefer if the place was dark and scary and full of nettles.” He laughed heartily at that and she couldn’t hold back an answering smile. “Hey, I’m nearly done with this, will you read it over and make sure it’s okay? Just check my grammar and punctuation and stuff.”

“Of course, love, though I’m sure it’s already brilliant.” 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Freed from the weight of his worry and guilt, Killian gradually began to smile more easily, and his witty, teasing nature (“cheeky git,” Liam called him, his voice irritated but with a relief so profound it bordered on joy in his eyes) came more readily to the fore. When he returned to school the following Monday, he moved through the halls with a swagger that Emma had never seen on him before. Unlike the arrogant, bullying one that Neal always had Killian’s evoked a simple self-assurance that she had to concede looked really good on him. Despite how much emotional baggage he still had to work through he clearly wasn’t burdened by shame anymore, and equally clearly did not intend to take any crap from anyone. 

This made itself evident that morning when he shut his locker and turned towards his first class, only to find himself confronted by Felix and Rufio. 

“Really, chaps?” he said, raising an eyebrow at them. “You couldn’t even wait until after school so you could chuck me into the bins, like proper high school bullies?”

This mockery went clean over the other boys’ heads, and they continued to block his path, trying to look intimidating while also trying not to be intimidated by Killian’s calm demeanor and his amused expression. 

Felix, the sligtly cleverer of the two, suspected he was being laughed at but couldn’t put his finger on why. He didn’t like it. 

Bristling, he sneered at Killian. “Bet you think you’ve won,” he snarled. “Now that Neal’s in jail and out of the way. Now you can move in on Emma like you did on that—” he broke off as Killian stepped into his space. There wasn’t much difference in height between them, but somehow Felix had the impression of Killian towering over him, his face calm but his eyes darkly furious, and for once in his life he felt a stab of genuine fear. 

“I’m only going to say this once,” growled Killian in the new, lower register his voice had taken on more often of late, “So you’d better listen carefully. Your mate Neal is a criminal, and not even a good one. He’s in jail because he’s stupid, and that’s nothing to do with me. I have no doubt it’s where he’d always have ended up eventually. Bit of advice: If you’re going to steal confidential information, don’t take pictures of the evidence on your phone, and definitely don’t then show those pictures to the sheriff’s daughter. Neal got what he deserved. I now consider this matter closed, and if you or anyone else—” he raised his voice so that the rapidly assmbling crowd of onlookers could all hear, “—tries to take it any further, you will not care for the repercussions.” 

Felix wasn’t sure what “repercussions” were, but the hint of repressed violence in Killian’s manner made him keen not to find out. He had always been content to follow Neal, less out of respect for the other boy than a simple unwillingness to make a thing out of Neal’s belligerent insistence that he should be the one in charge, but he’d always sensed that there wasn’t much substance underneath Neal’s bluster. Killian however didn’t bluster. He simply stated facts, and Felix could tell that he was not the sort of person to make a threat he couldn’t back up with action. Perhaps it was time to step out of Neal’s shadow, thought Felix, and take over leadership of their little gang. He certainly couldn’t do a worse job of it than Neal had, and escalating a pointless conflict with a guy who looked prepared to fight dirty if necessary was much more Neal’s style than Felix’s. He nodded at Killian, and stepped back. Rufio looked surprised but followed his lead. 

Killian nodded back then transferred his glare to the crowd of onlookers, which had grown considerably in the past thirty seconds and now included Emma and Ruby, he could see out of the corner of his eye. “As for what you may have heard about me,” he said, loudly enough for all to hear. “It’s all true.” He smirked for a moment as a gasp went through the crowd, then his expression hardened. “It’s also no one’s business but mine, and those in whom I choose to confide. This is all I have to say on the subject. Now, if you’ll all excuse me I don’t wish to be late for class.” He slung his satchel over his shoulder and headed down the hall, turning his head briefly to shoot Emma a wink. People moved aside to let him pass and as soon as he had turned the corner furious whispering erupted in his wake. 

Ruby pursed her lips. “I may have underestimated him,” she remarked. 

Emma’s heart was pounding, a familiar occurrence where Killian was concerned, but this time it felt different. She’d been worried about how he would react to the ineveitable curiosity and questions from their classmates, but this smooth handling of a potentially explosive situation instead of calming her fears instead filled her with the wild desire to run after him, to fling herself into his arms and kiss them both breathless. 

“He’s just so wonderful,” she sighed, and Ruby laughed. 

“Down, girl,” she teased. “I’ll grant you this one’s worth your time, unlike the douchemaster general, but remember we’re in school. No one wants to see that.” 

Emma rolled her eyes and gave her friend a shove, but the butterflies continued rhumba-ing around her insides, this time accompanied by an odd, hollow sort of ache as she remembered her resolution not to pursue Killian anymore. She was now all but certain that she loved him, that beyond the hot, tingly sensation she always felt in his presence lay a profound devotion. She would do anything for him, sacrifice anything to give him what he needed, and that terrified her. For the first time in her life Emma felt vulnerable, exposed, as though her chest were torn open and her heart lain bare to the mercies of fate and one gorgeous, troubled boy. She hated it. Even knowing that Killian would never intentionally hurt her was no consolation when the truth was that he could hurt her simply by caring deeply for her as a friend. If that was all she could ever have from him she would take it, she knew, without pushing for more, but it would be a wound on her heart that would never heal. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“He’s a bully,” shrugged Killian at lunchtime, when Emma, this time accompanied by a very inquisitive Ruby, found him in the library. “Bullies are just cowards at their core, and cowards are easy to intimidate. He won’t do anything because he won’t want to call my bluff. I might not be able to back it up but he’ll be too scared to risk finding out.” 

“And what would you have done if he had called your bluff?” inquired Ruby. 

Killian shrugged again. “Probably got the shit kicked out of me.” 

“Would you have, though?” Ruby pressed, watching him through narrowed eyes.

He returned her stare with a look of wide-eyed innocence. “There were two of them to only one of me. Seems inevitable.” 

“Does it?” Ruby’s disbelief was almost palpable, and having fenced with Killian for months now Emma shared her friend’s suspicion that he was deliberately underplaying his fighting skills.

“Let’s hope we never have to find out,” said Killian with a small smile, in a tone of voice that made it clear he would answer no more questions on the subject. “I quite like my face arranged the way it is.” 

“It is a nice face,” said Ruby with a wolfish grin that widened as Killian’s ears turned pink. “But I didn’t come here just to flatter you. Victor asked me to ask you if he could have your phone number.”

“My number?” Killian blinked in surprise. 

“Yeah, there’s some concert in Portland and he doesn’t have anyone to go with and he thought you might be interested.” 

“Um, sure, I guess.” Killian rattled off the number and Ruby sent Victor a text. A minute later his phone buzzed and he looked at it, snorting as he read the message. “Bit of a wanker, your boyfriend,” he remarked to Ruby. 

“I don’t know what that is but I’m somehow sure that Victor is one,” smirked Ruby. “Is that gonna be a problem?”

“Not at all, I’m rather fond of wankers,” said Killian absently as he typed his reply. “My brother is one, after all.” His phone buzzed again almost instantly and he raised an eyebrow at what he read on it. 

“Ems, I think maybe we should leave the boys to their chat,” said Ruby, and as much as she hated to sacrifice free time with Killian, from the way he was fixated on his phone, his expression almost gleeful as he typed rapidly, Emma had to admit she was probably right. 

“Okay,” she said. “See you in class in a few minutes, Killian. And maybe hang out after school?”

“Hmmm? Oh, I have an appointment with Dr Hopper at four, but I can text you when I’m done.”

“Okay.” She smiled at him but his attention was back on his phone, so she followed Ruby out of the library trying not to feel too disgruntled. Killian should have other friends, she told herelf firmly, male ones who shared his interests. That was normal, and he could use some normal in his life right now.  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Over the next few weeks, things at school settled back into a routine, albeit one that was markedly different than it had been. Neal had been officially arrested after David’s investigation, charged with burglary, theft, and theft of a medical record, and was facing up to five years in prison. His parents had put up their house as collateral to pay his bail, but weren’t allowing him to return to school. 

“Not much point when he’ll just go straight back to the slammer after he’s sentenced,” said Ruby viciously. “So much for that football scholarship he was so cocky about.”

Emma tried to find some compassion for Neal and what was basically the wreck and ruin of his future, but couldn’t dredge up a single particle of it. He had committed several felonies for no other reason than to stick it to Killian for outsmarting him and for becoming her friend, and he’d committed them flagrantly and with no thought to the consequences. He’d probably thought there wouldn’t be any consequences. Killian was right: Neal deserved everything that was coming to him, if only for being so colossally, arrogantly stupid. 

People still whispered about Killian as he walked through the halls but true to character he paid little attention. He did, however, gradually began to open up more and allow more of himself to show through his defences, willingly participating in classes and talking to people other than Emma and Ruby. By the time finals week arrived had actually made a few friends. 

Killian reflected wryly that in a twisted sort of way Neal had done him a favour. With all his secrets now out on the open he was free to embrace the opportunity for a new life he’d found in Storybrooke. Not that there had been anything particularly wrong with the old life, at least since his father had finally left. He’d been a mean old drunk, Brennan Jones, and by the time he’d been forced to flee his creditors for good, stealing a boat from Bristol harbour and melting into the offshore underworld, his sons had been glad to see the back of him. Killian thought about what he himself had been like back then, before Milah, and even though it had only been about a year since he’d first become involved with her so much had changed both in his circumstances and in himself, he feared that hopeful, enthusiastic boy was lost forever. Who exactly had taken his place was the question Killian had asked himself daily for weeks now, and he still wasn’t sure how to answer it. He’d become so used to holding everything in, to keeping such a tight rein on his thoughts and feelings that letting them out, accepting that it was okay to express them had become almost unbelievably difficult. The only person he felt even remotely comfortable being fully himself with aside from Liam was Emma, whose support and friendship remained unwavering as he bumbled and struggled thorough the reclamation of his life, and he remained intensely grateful for it. 

Only one thing about Emma troubled him-- that she no longer seemed to be interested in anything beyond his friendship. All the little hints and cues she had been giving him since they’d met were suddenly gone, and while he was relieved to be free of the added stress of constantly resisting something that part of him desperately wanted, he couldn’t help wondering if there was a darker motivation for this abrupt about-face. Perhaps, whispered an evil little voice in his head, Emma was actually more disgusted by his past than she let on and was simply too kind to tell him directly. Maybe the thought of him touching her turned her stomach now. He certainly couldn’t blame her if it did.   

“What do you want from your relationship with Emma?” asked Dr Hopper one afternoon, after Killian had finally brought himself to mention the change in her behaviour. “Do you want it to be romantic?”

Killian frowned, struggling to sort through the complex tangle of his feelings about and for Emma. “I don’t want a romantic relationship with anyone,” he said finally. “I still feel too messed up for anything like that. But I— I’m still really attracted to her. I think about her all the time, about how we kissed at her party, and I want to kiss her again pretty much constantly, but then I remember Milah and how I thought I felt about her, and I just—” 

“You don’t trust your judgement.” 

“Yeah.” 

“Killian, it’s important for you to remember that you have a much more equal relationship with Emma than you ever did with Milah.”

“Equal, with Emma?” Killian snorted. “You have met her, right?”

Dr Hopper smiled patiently. “I understand that you feel she’s beyond your reach, and that’s a separate issue, but what I mean by equal is that she’s your age and at your stage of life. With Milah you were constantly struggling to relate to her life and her experiences, and when you couldn’t you attempted to make up for that by offering her the affection and sexual attention she craved. You forced yourself to offer these things even though you didn’t genuinely feel them because you feared the consequences of not offering them. But with Emma there is no need to manufacture anything. She is placing no demands on you and therefore any attraction and affection you feel for her is genuine.”

“But what should I do about it?”

“Why should you have to do anything? You said you’re not ready for a romantic relationship, and that’s fine. Let yourself heal. The process is slow and frustrating, but believe me you are making progress. Let your feelings for Emma and your relationship with her develop at a pace that is comfortable for you. From what you’ve said it sounds like she will still be there when, if, you’re ready for more.” 

“It’s more than likely she no longer wants more. And even if she did, what happens when she meets someone who isn’t so hopelessly fucked up? Then where does that leave me?”

“Why don’t you worry about that if —not when— it happens?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

On the last day before winter break, Emma nervously approached Killian’s locker and handed him an invitation to her parents’ annual Christmas party addressed to him and Liam. 

“It’s just a thing they do every year for their friends and our neighbours,” she began to ramble as he examined the card, certain he would refuse and wanting to delay that painful moment. “My mom loves to entertain, and my dad says it’s good for building a rapport between law enforcement and the community, and—”

“Swan,” interrupted Killian, giving her that soft, indulgent look that said he knew exactly what she was thinking. “I’m sure we’d love to attend. Thank you for inviting us.” 

The butterflies soared in a grand jeté, and she felt like she was flying with them. “Great,” she said trying to keep her voice calm, “I guess I’ll see you then.”

Her delighted smile made his breath catch, and his answering grin set her heart galloping. Their eyes met and held, and as the end of semester chaos whirled around them they stood a breath apart, swathed in frustrated yearning and brittle tension, the only two people in the world.  

Then the final bell rang, and they leapt apart, Emma smoothing her skirt with shaking hands while Killian ran his own trembling fingers through his hair. 

“So, onion rings at Granny’s?” ventured Emma, wanting to kick herself for making him nervous again, after all her resolutions, hoping desperately he wouldn’t pull away. 

Killian sighed in relief, tinged with a hint of disappointment. Granny’s was safe. “Sounds perfect, love,” he said.