#I came for the unraveling mystery. I’m going to stay and pray they have a happy ending

[naneki-maid]

so i just started watching Pieces of Her, and I’m loving the crime thriller vibes so far, however, i was not prepared for the ‘enemies to lovers’ thing between Andy and Michael. i mean they had me by the throat during the motel assassin scene. when Andy was running for her life, struggling to make it over that fence, and that brief moment when she feels someone tug at her leg and she thinks she about to die? i was terrified! but after she realizes it’s Michael and she makes her way down, she grabs onto him, like he’s her Person? she wraps her arms around his shoulders as if there’s no safer place in the world. and then he embraces her back?! the brief confusion that appears across his face? hesitation after the fact—he’s already made his choice. he chooses to abandon logical instinct altogether—he sacrifices his job, the mission. instead he chooses her. he consoles her, he speaks softly. it’s the first time we witness a genuine reaction from him because he’s been putting on a performance since he met her. his voice finally matches the kindness in his eyes. he doesn’t let her go.

idk i just thought we were focusing on her mom’s skeletons returning to haunt her, not my newly precious OTP and the scene they share that is now engraved into my heart until the end of time…

[maxiwaxipads]

Mysterious Invitation Rendezvous ! !

(edit 2: just a title change <3)

[Coachman] - “We’re here.”

The carriage makes a stop. Arupek takes a step outside and wears a stuffed backpack on his shoulders. Arupek turns to the coachman.

Arupek - “Thank you for the trip!” [Coachman] - “But of all places… The Swathlands? "Sure this is the place? Why not recheck it again…?” Arupek - “Nope! I checked it several times, and this is the place. I’m sure this is where I need to be.” [Coachman] - “Really sure?” Arupek - “Really, Really, REALLY sure!” [Coachman] - “No point in an interrogation I suppose.” “I’ll stay here for a good hour—come back if you run into trouble.” [Coachman] - “These horses can go miles for days, isn’t that right?”

Proud horse noises.

Arupek - “I’ll be just fine.” “Come back to the designated time! This Arupek will come back stronger than ever!” [Coachman] - “Alright. Alright. I’ll still stick with what I said though.” “No harm being cautious, right?” Arupek - “Then I’ll get going.” “See you later! Not soon I hope!”

Walking straight ahead, Arupek waves his goodbyes without turning his back forward to wave the carriage-driver goodbye. The coachman delivers a short wave, as he sighs to himself.

[Coachman] - “That kid…” “O’ Lord Pekkle. Pray for his sake, will you?”

A moderate light dims Arupek's presence, as a lantern hangs from his backpack. Arupek hums an odd tune.

Arupek - “AAARRUUPEK~ ARUPEK~ He’s traveling somewhere suspicious and strange~” “But not as suspicious as Hangyon and maybe Lili~”

In a far distance, Hangyon and Lili sneeze as Arupek hums his "Arupek-Travel-Song-Copyright-Symbol-Here"

Arupek - “…” Arupek - “…” Arupek - “…” Arupek - “Barren, yellow lands everywhere…!”

(Walk) (Walk) (Walk) (Walk)

Arupek - “Maybe the coachman was right. Am I lost?” “Hmm…”

Arupek unravels a crumpled paper from his pocket. "Knight of Fragaria Bootcamp! / Swathlands, Cogimyun Kingdom / Bootcamp at Oasis! / June 24th - July 1st". It's written with the thinnest marker on a piece of default paper. The words aren't exactly aligned or straightened, as they slope a little bit down. A few words incoherently scribbled off. Not a single visual is adorned. Not even a smiley face.

Arupek - “Nnhhh… There isn’t even directions too…” Arupek - “No. I GET IT NOW! It’s all coming together…!?” Arupek - “This is just to test myself as a knight!” “Arupek has cracked the case!”

Bolstered with the sudden ember of a lightbulb turning on, Arupek holds his fist into two! He faces the night sky, proudly and turns forward.

Arupek - “I’ll find it in a few minutes—no, right now even!”

Arupek runs faster...!? Arupek who has finally understood author's intent and plot device...!? That failure is nonexistent within the confinements of a shitty scenario...!?

Arupek - “ARRRRUUUUUUPPEEEEEEEKKK!!!!”

He spots a patch of light in the nearby distance...! !

Arupek - “Arupek has hit the jackpot!” “Prediction is 100% accuracy!”

[??? #1] - “Nyahaha ~ Finally. It took a whole day for someone new to appear ~”

Freshness blends with the choked fumes of embers and smoke—something burns over the fire. The source of this voice—he looks down to see two people across each other who surround a burning fire.

[??? #2] - “Could you perhaps be behind this ’Bootcamp?’” Arupek - “Nope!” “I’m here for it as well!” [??? #2] - “(Sigh). Three knights, but no camp counselor…” “Perhaps we were bailed after all…” [??? #1] - “There might still be time to get back!” “Hey, did you take a ride here or walk?” Arupek - “I took a ride, and then walked all the way here!” “I guess the coachman did say he’d wait an hour to be sure.” [??? #2] - “An hour, huh?” “Then whoever took you probably left us already…” [??? #1] - “…Are we really going to have to wait that long again?” [??? #2] - “That’s that.” “We’ll just have to feed off the oasis or walk back to the nearest civilization ourselves.” Arupek - “So… It’s just us three?”

Arupek - “No one came after all…?”

[??? #2] - “I’m sure it’s fine.” “Besides. Isn’t it a great opportunity to meet foreign knights and expand our connections?” Cielomort - “I am Cielomort, I live to serve Lady Cinnamaroll.” “And this is…” Sanah - “Yahoo ~ The name’s Sanah! I’m great friends with Usahana~” Arupek - “And that makes me Arupek!” “I like Lord Pekkle, lots!” Cielomort - “It’s great we know each other already.” Sanah - “You came just in time.” "The fruit we just roasted should be read about now!" Sanah - “And it isn’t too burnt at all!”

Sanah passes a fruit skewer.

Sanah - “Haha… Let’s dig in!” Cielomort - “Ye—"

Cielomort, his face scrounges mid-sentence as he slowly chewed and swallowed.

Cielomort "—sss..." Arupek - “Wow~ It’s certainly fresh, and the bitterness is just right!” Cielomort - “That’s great… Have mine, Arupek.” Sanah - “Wait right there!” “It was your idea to roast it, and this is the only fruit in the entire area.” “I want you to eat Cielomort, you’ve been here for too long and need a meal!” Cielomort - “B…But it’s bitter.” Arupek - “If you eat it quick, it’s like the food never existed in the first place!” “Because it’s all in the stomach now!” Sanah - “Mhm~ Just eat it quick!” Arupek - “A wise man once told me… A good guy is someone who finishes his food!” “You can do it, Cielomort!” Cielomort - “Good-Guy-Ship… Huh…”

Cielomort frows as his eyebrows crease. He squints at the skewer at his hands. In the voice of a sports announcer: "Cielomort takes a bite...!?"

Sanah - “Just like that ~ I might fill up as well.”

Sanah eats his fruit skewer, followed by Arupek.

Cielomort - “D…Done.” Arupek - “You did it!” Cielomort - “…It was terrible.” Sanah - “At least you ate something, didn’t you?”

Sanah gives Cielomort a head-pat.

Sanah - “You’re a good example for children who can’t finish food they like~” Cielomort (Moved) - “Sanah…” Cielomort - “(But I feel like I’m being referred like a child at the same time…)” Sanah - “Still.” “Do you think other knights will come?” Cielomort - “It’s only a gut feeling of mine… I believe we’re the only ones who listened to this invite.” Cielomort - “If not, call me foolish.” Arupek - “But wouldn’t you call your gut foolish instead?”

Cielomort - “Good point. I might call my gut foolish if I’m wrong.” Sanah - “Still~ (Yawn). I know you just came here Arupek, but I’m too tired to be hospitable.” Arupek - “Don’t worry about it!” “I might wanna sleep as well~” Cielomort - “Then get comfortable. We might stay here for a week if you’re willing to.” Arupek - “Don’t mind if I do then!” Cielomort - “Why not train early in the morning?” “…It was meant to be a Bootcamp, but even the first day was uneventful.” Sanah - “Agreed... We might not be the first to find this oasis, but I wanna use up the good and undisturbed scenery as much as possible ~ ” Sanah - “Desert landscapes—and an oasis at that, is a rare find in Fragaria.” “So if it’s possible… I want to stay here as long as I can!” Cielomort - “Then I’m glad you’re in agreement with me, now what about you Arupek?” Arupek - “I don’t see why I should go back!” “Besides~ This trip seems like it’ll be fun anywhere.” Cielomort - “Fun, eh?” “I certainly hope it will be.”

Cielomort - “But… I think it’ll be in our best interest for someone to guard while the others sleep.” “Even if no danger surrounds us… An invitation specifying ‘Knights of Fragaria’ to join? Especially in a secluded place like the Swathlands—thought to be nothing but uninhabitable.” Sanah - “Y—You do bring up a good point.” “That settles it! Why don't I take the position of guard for tonight!” Sanah - “Cielomort, who came too early—and Arupek who came too late!” “I think I’m perfect for the job~” Cielomort - “That’s that.” “Why not three-hour shifts?” Arupek - “Then I’ll take after Sanah and that leaves Cielomort!”

Edit: Messy Notes About Cogimyun Kingdom (everything pours without a filter, so maybe a detail contradicts another) (these are literally just me spewing ideas and seeing which might work </3)

[im-totally-not-an-alien]

Final Fantasy 7 prompts #75 (FINAL LIST)

1. Iflana does not trust Cloud, not one bit. She can sense the calamity inside him and wants him to leave. Too bad both her husband and daughter seem enraptured by his very existence. Her husband rambling on about his mutated and 'safer' J-cells, as if that thing could ever be considered safe. Then it was her daughter, who seemed to take him in, as though he was no more than an injured bird needing treatment.

This thing would be the death of them. She just knew it.

2. "In my world its pretty rare for monsters to talk."

The large gray rabbit riding on his head paused to consider this, "Maybe they're just stupid?"

"Duh. They're basically wild animals. They're not really like you Loppy."

"Lopmon." The bunny creature corrected. Again.

Aka Cloud wakes up in the digital world as a twelve year old and has to find his friends...with the help of his partner digimon of course.

3. Genesis used to think mermaids were one of the most beautiful creatures in Ancient lore...until he saw a blond one swallow a fish whole. He wasn't so sure after that.

4. Au where Cloud and the remnants are escaped expiraments from a non-Shinra lab. They travel to Midgar and become mercenaries.

One of them winds up being captured, prompting the other three to rescue them, but they're otherwise preoccupied by normal human things they never got to experience. Loz loves donuts and other sweets, Yazoo adores taking long hot bathes, and Kadaj always seems to have headphones on, etc.

The holy trinity are shocked when the four don't recognize Sephiroth. Genesis also nearly has a heart attack when he catches them roasting a doomrat over an open flame. "You're not actually going to eat that, are you?"

5. Hojos alarm was triggered at three in the morning. Usually this wouldn't be an issue, creatures attempted to escape Shinras (and by extention his) clutches on a regular basis. They were usually recaptured or destroyed within the hour.

What was strange was the fact that this was Jenovas alarm. His goddess tended to not move much beyond bobbing up and down in her tank.

Upon checking the security feed, he witnessed something infuriating. A blond man was holding an armful of wildflowers and bossing around three silver haired teens as they dismantled her shrine and stole her away. Jenova herself seemed...interested? Approving? He wasn't sure, but it looked like she was cooing at them. Further analysis was required.

6. Time travel au, but the whole thing is from Hojos perspective and he suffers

7. Cloud and Reeve were having a discussion about Clouds Jenova abilities and why he never used them, which eventually lead Cloud to picking up a pebble and stating, "Its not like a can just force some of my life energy into a rock and make it a planet"

And then he did. Tfw

8. High fantasy, no materia au.

Magic is rarely seen in humans, rather a tool used by monsters. On the day Clouds mother is murdered his abilities awaken, creating a powerful snowstorm that ripped the town of Nebilhiem apart.

Ten years later and the storm rages on, having grown to cover nearly the entirety of the mountain, rendering communication with nearby kingdoms difficult and travel impossible.

The famed General Rhapsodous is sent to slay whatever great beast is causing this catastrophe. When he is faced with a young man living up there in complete isolation, he chooses to stay with the mysterious man until he can locate the monster.

What will become of Cloud once Genesis discovers the truth? After all, a witch is considered a form of monster.

9. "I should have just remained a puppet!"

Genesis mulled over the words as though they alone could unravel the mystery that is Strife.

Some part of the redhead felt a little bad about using the strange man's emotional outburst against him, but things were getting desperate...

10. Time traveler au where Genesis dresses in drag to save this "Tifa" girl from the Don. He then tries to get her to go to Shinra for questioning and is punched for his efforts

11. Cloud is thrown into a world where he never existed and Shinra still reigns supreme. Worse, he has no memory of who he is or how he got there (cause Jenova destroyed them). He only has his bike and his sword and begins traveling to find a purpose, all while avoiding Shinras detection.

He often stops at inns and rest stops and often sees the same group of people. The large man with a gun arm grew suspicious from seeing him everywhere they went.

___________________________

"Go away."

The knocking came again. "I know you're in there blondie." A gruff voice replied.

"I'm not gay."

The man on the other side of the door began sputtering. "Look," another voice began, "We just need to talk."

"Yeah. Sure. Talk." He said flatly. "In the middle of the night." He went over to the door anyway. Opening it revealed the man with a gun arm and another man with wild black hair.

"Zack?" The blond blurted, startled. What was one of Shinras Supreme doing out here?!

"You remember me!" The man beamed, "SOLDIER First Class Zack Fair, at your service! Now the real question!"

The man leaned down a bit to the mysterious blonds level, "Who are you?"

12. "Can you do it?" The softness of Denzels voice seemed to make the situation all the more horrifying. "Can you kill me?" Eerie mako green eyes stared up at where Cloud stood frozen.

Denzel pulled a knife from the block, "Or will your son kill you?"

Aka Seph plays mind games by possessing the kids from Advent Children and using them to torment Cloud and make him look like a lunatic

13. Cloud gets sent back in time/ alternate reality, ect. but gets turned into a white materia. He's careful not to roll around while people are looking, but that doesn't stop people from saying, "Hey, look! A materia! " and picking him up. He has no real power...other than apparently soothing anyone/anything he comes into contact with.

Strangely, he keeps getting slotted into bracers (among other things) regularly. Ya'll, he's so annoyed.

14. There were two of him. Two Sephiroths. The blond began regulating his breathing, desperately trying to ward off an ensuing panic attack. He wouldn't stand a chance if they decided to work together.

Luckily, one insulted the other and thus a catfight of epic proportions began, all while Cloud had a panic attack in some long forgotten closet.

15. Au where child Sephiroth overhears a scientist talking about her 'prayers being answered' and he asks her what that meant. After a brief explanation, he later prays to anyone who can hear him to get him out of the labs and/or away from Hojo.

It works.

Bonus: Cloud and Sephiroth were fighting again in the Midgar desert when Sephiroth slashed the air, creating a portal. He had intended to use it to appear behind his puppet and impale him again, but the blond rushed forward and slashed through the portal with his own sword, expecting the portal to disappear as he sailed through were it once was.

Unfortunately, it was still very much there. Just...different. Cloud wasn't given the chance to properly examine it before the feeling of being plunged into ice water overwhelmed him and he was spat out on the other side.

It was another desert, but not like the one he left. He could feel no life here. No plants, no animals, no...no lifestream. The only thing around is another version of him. One that was used and abandoned by the Sephiroth of this world.

The other blond stared at him in confusion, wielding twin sabers in a defensive position.

[wordynerdygurl]

Skin Deep ~ Part 4

Author’s Note:  Hi everyone!  As @that-one-person​ reminded me, we were overdue the next chapter of Skin Deep!  I hope this has been worth the wait. As always, if you’d like to be added to my tag list, let me know!  Also, requests are open and I love when you re-blog and like my work!  Thanks for all your kindness!!

This is the 4th Part of our Story with links below to the previous chapters!  ENJOY!

Skin Deep Part 1

Skin Deep Part 2 Skin Deep Part 3

Pairing;  Loki x Reader, Steve x Reader, Bucky, Natasha, Nick Fury, Thor and Valkyrie round out of cast! Summary:  Picking up where Part 3 ended:  You’re on the run with Loki, who wants answers.  Steve comes clean to an old friend, Natasha and Fury make a plan. Warnings:  References to violence, smut, intergalactic travel, and some kissing!

From his vantage point at Steve’s grill Bucky noticed the almost frantic vibration coming off his oldest friend from all the way across the lawn.  And Steve wasn't carrying any champagne.  In fact, he was whispering furiously to Natasha, shaking his head.

Looking to the skies, Bucky smelled the electricity in the air.  It made the hairs on his human arm rise, antenna to trouble, tuning into the wrecked wavelength his friend was putting out.  It was about you, of that Bucky was certain, and with your own strange behavior tonight, he knew trouble was en route. He had let you sneak away, sensing your breaking point, knowing your need for a minute alone.  It was the reason you were such great drinking buddies.  You let Bucky be himself and he returned the favor.   Besides, something in Steve was different these days, something Bucky didn't exactly like.  His friend, Captain America, hero to the weak, was pushy.  Aggressive.  Angry.

And when Steve looked at you, there was a gleam, a spark of possessiveness that gave Bucky pause.  Sure, you were amazing.  Funny, smart, undeniably sexy in a way all your own.  Bucky understood wanting you, he even got the need to have you, hold you, lock you down with a ring.   If only Steve could see how unhappy you were.   Each time Bucky saw you, the strain had pulled more of your joy away.  Sure, you baked pies, smiling the whole way, chirping platitudes and teasing Steve.  That happiness, though, it never reached your eyes.   Telling Steve that an engagement ring was too much, too soon, Bucky had tried in his very stoic way to prove that you weren't ready.  Never fully able to give his buddy his blessing, Bucky had opted instead to provide you a shoulder to lean on.  And lean you did. Slugging back vodka shots at all these parties, in the quiet and seldom used spaces of kitchens and dining rooms, you had talked easily with Bucky.  No topic was too wild or off limits, with the exception of Steve.  Anytime the name of your new love came up, the subject would change.  You'd deflect and Bucky let you. Maybe he should have pushed harder, he thought as Steve stomped his way.  Maybe Bucky should have forced you to talk about whatever issues you and Steve faced, tried his hand at advice, or offered excuses for his best friend’s erratic behavior.  If Bucky had done that, then perhaps the stifling stench of trouble wouldn't be pooling around the party, pulsing through all the high energy people gathered together.  “Buck… come here, would ya?”  Sure, Steve sounded like himself.  Jovial, a little concerned in that serious way he had, but not mad.  For some reason, it reminded Bucky of the way Steve’s father would talk, just before he’d beat the ever loving hell out of Sarah… or Steve.  It soured the stomach of battle tested Sergeant Barnes.  War was coming. “Sure thing, punk.”  Cocking his head, Steve couldn’t quite look his friend in the face, opting instead to focus on the open back door of his farm house.  Would you come strutting out of it, unaware and un-phased?  Steve prayed for that, even if his gut told him otherwise, “Bucky, you said my girl was in the ladies’ room?” Tucking his hands in his pockets, nodding solemnly, “Yea, Stevie.  Yea.  She had to piss.  It happens.”  Waiting for the battle was exhausting and Bucky just didn’t have the patience to stew in the slow burn of Steve’s anger. Clapping a broad hand along the neck of the Winter Soldier, Steve pulled his friend close.  To anyone looking, the embrace would seem brotherly, kind.  What they couldn’t see was the tight grip used to keep Bucky contained, or hear Steve’s heated harsh whisper, “Where the fuck is she, Buck?  I know you know.  So tell me.” Reacting instinctively, pulling against the restraining hook of Steve’s palm, “I don’t know what you’re talking about… she went to the bathroom, I came out here.” “Well she’s gone now and so is Loki-” Stepping back out of Steve’s reach, “Wait.  Loki was here?  I thought you said he left.  Opened the Bi-Frost or whatever.  Disappeared.” Almost growling, Steve ran desperate hands through his blonde hair, ignoring Bucky and turning to Natasha, “We need to let Fury know.  Set a perimeter.  Loki won’t be able to get off the planet, not without help anyway.” “Fury’s involved?  Steve, what is going on?” Jabbing a finger into the chest of his best friend, Steve spun, spitting, “You let Loki kidnap my fiance, that’s what’s going on!  And now I have to find her and rescue her before that greasy alien asshole does something else to the woman I love!” Rearing back, Bucky inhaled, lifting his shoulders.  If you have to fight a friend, fight fair, he thought.  Already Bucky could read violence in Steve’s muscle movement.  The graceful way Steve bounced on his toes to build momentum into his fierce throw was minute but effective.  Dropping his right arm, just a touch before stepping into his swing, Steve's eyes screamed murder and they were locked onto James Buchanan Barnes. A swish of air brushed at Buck's dark hair as the blow missed.  Bucky easily blocked the punch, grabbing his pal at the wrist and twisting until his chest was pressed into Steve’s back.  It was as fluid as the ballet you had forced them to attend a few months back, quick and clean movements, executed flawlessly. Bucky felt Steve spin in his grasp, planting his feet, preparing to toss the Winter Soldier on his ass.  His counter maneuver was a leg sweep, one Bucky was ready to use, when Steve went limp in his grip.  Natasha had sucker punched her mission partner in order to get his attention, “Steve.  You gotta relax.  Bucky didn’t know and you’re drawing attention.  Too many eyes around here, ya know?”   Natasha waved to Tony, a gesture that said, no worries, everything is ok over here.  It was enough to satisfy the playboy, who turned back to his cocktail and conversation with Rhodes. “I'm fine.  It's fine.  I’m just…” unable to find the right word, spiraling, Steve sagged towards the ground. Catching him at the waist Bucky steadied his woozy friend as Natasha brushed off help from the other guests.  Returning to the pair of soldiers out of time, The Black Widow, barely containing her disgust, “Bucky, get him inside.  Steve, I'm sending everyone home, then I’m going to make a call.”   True to her word, Natasha whispered something to Tony and Pepper, Bucky clocking their reaction of concern for both you and Steve.  It was very clear to the Sergeant that The Avengers were not in on this mission.  None of them were permitted to hang around the farm house with Nat going so far as to walk out with Clint and Rhodes.   Bustling Steve into the kitchen, Bucky kicked a chair free from the table, dropping his buddy on his ass.  Still a little amped up from the almost altercation outside, Bucky decided to put a bit of distance between him and his childhood friend, resting his hip against the counter, "What the hell was that, Steve?" "Stay out of it, Bucky." "It's too late for that, punk.  Either you start talking or we take this back outside." Side eyeing the super soldier with a metal arm, Steve tugged at the corner of a pretty place mat sullenly, "Fuck you." "Language!" "You think I give a shit about bad words?  Now?  No… things are too far gone." Waving his hand, begging for more, "Care to elaborate, Cap?" Steve had a second to consider his options.  He could let Bucky in, tell him what was going on, hear his opinions on the situation at hand.  Or… not.   "You don't need to be involved.  Once Nat gets back, it's best if you go." Thunking into the opposite seat, Bucky leveled his grey gaze on his pal, "And if I say no?" "Look, it's an off the record thing.  Tony, the rest of them?  They know nothing.  I don’t need you sticking your nose in-" That was all it took for the dam of Bucky’s own outrage to burst.  With a wood rattling slap to the custom built dining table, open palm connecting enough to make Steve jump, "Damn it, Rogers!  My nose is in this already.  Hell, you were ready to half kill me over this… over her, not fifteen minutes ago!" Sighing, hard and heavy, Captain America pressed back in the wooden chair.  He saw the questions in Bucky's look, the need to unravel this mystery, the desire to find a way out for his friends.  And Steve realized that to accept his buddy's help, Bucky would need the full story. The truth hurts and Buck's words stung Steve.  Bucky was right and in the end, he reasoned, they might need him to help bring down Loki.  After a second of consideration, a rough hand sliding through his blonde locks, "Fine.  FUCK!  Fine.  What do you know?" Crossing his arms over his chest, stern voiced but curious, Bucky started, "Just you and Nat reporting to Fury?  Small team." "Small mission.  At least, at first."  Trying not to give anything away, making Bucky work for it felt good, almost like a return to his life before Loki, before you.   Tapping his metallic finger on the table, Bucky resumed his questions, "So, how does Loki figure into this?" Leaning forward, Steve lowered his voice, “Weapons tech.  Power.  More than when he attacked New York.  He’s been off world gaining followers, an army, and a throne.” “So the plan was to keep Loki away, right?” Nodding, Steve’s inflection solemn, “By any means necessary.” Rocking his head back, as if slapped, Bucky’s eyes widened.  Just the implication of those words, by any means necessary, used by Nick Fury meant that this mission was crossing a line from mundane into murderous.   "And she was your way in."  It started to take shape, the whole sorted plan, Natasha’s involvement and Steve’s role in it all.  Bucky felt that prickly sensation again. Bowing his golden head, Steve shook it yes, "Only… I wasn't brought in… I… volunteered." "Ok, but why?"  Inching closer to the truth, waiting out the Captain, Bucky nodded for him to continue.  When Steve wasn't forthcoming, Bucky nudged his foot with a sharp kick, eager to accelerate the story. For a second that frantic, frenzied energy flashed through the room again, pulling on Bucky's sixth sense, "Because I wanted what Loki had… who Loki had.  I wanted her, so bad Bucky.  So bad."  “Steve… come on, man.  There are other girls out there-” Cutting his friend off with a shout, “Why should that asshole have her?  He doesn’t deserve her.  Before he left, she was always so sweet, so cute… then he… abandoned her!  Left her!  Man, that was… just so hard to see.” “Yea… I know.  I mean, I remember when she and Loki were together.  And I know his leaving was hard on her.” “Hard on her?  She… she stopped eating, stopped sleeping.  God, I could hear her crying all night.  Know how hard it was to keep away?  To know that Loki had forgotten her?”   Steve kept talking, about you, about loving you, and the lengths he went to in an effort to court you.  He followed up with all the ways you denied him, over and over, until Natasha intervened.  That all of it played into Fury’s plan was a convenient cross-point, coincidence, until things had gone wrong this afternoon. Bucky let him tell his story, knowing full well it was merely a version, a fairy tale wrapped around the rotten apple of truth. In Steve’s world he was the hero, wronged by fate, Fury and Loki Odinson.  His path had been paved with good intentions and pure hearted motives.  It was everyone else who misunderstood, miscalculated and mistook his actions.  Could Steve be blamed for that?   Of course, this edition of Steve’s tale didn't include beating up a cuffed prisoner.  It also omitted the fact that Steve had been pursuing you while actively lying about Loki's whereabouts.  Glossing over the details allowed Steve to paint a picture highlighting the best of him, but Bucky had known the little punk a long time.   During a long pause that found Steve with his head in his hands, Bucky took a deep breath and asked, “And how did you and Fury know what Loki was up to?” “He was sending mission reports weekly.  Loki had been tasked with helping promote peace across the Nine Realms.  That he gained so much was the tipping point.  Fury felt like a return to Earth would be 2012 all over again, only this time… total annihilation.” Something was still nagging at Bucky, “Had Loki made any threats?” A guilty look passed over the face of Captain America and his normally solid voice wavered, “Not that I was told about.” “So, Fury...?” “Fury needed… no, that’s not right.  He wanted to keep close tabs on Loki, monitor his return, his mood, his movements, if he ever came back.” “And since she was his lover, she was a potential point of contact… the entry point?” “A possible one.” “If you were dating her and Nat was posing as her friend, then you’d know if Loki reached out, spilling the details on his plans, and be able to head him off at the pass.” “Exactly!”  Oddly proud, Steve was almost happy that he no longer carried the burden by himself.  Sure, Natasha knew, had even engineered some of it, but having a friend on his side made Steve feel better. “But Loki didn’t do that?  He surprised you today?” Blowing out a frustrated snort, “Natasha went to meet him at the base.  Apparently, the high and mighty Prince expected to be greeted by Fury and his forgotten lover.” “That didn’t sit well with the God of Mischief?” “Nope.  Somehow he froze Nat.  Confined her, I don’t know… Anyway, he came here and…”  Trailing off, Steve could still picture his lady’s body, your body bent under his own, your eyes pressed shut in ecstasy.  How you ground against what looked like his own sculpted skin, moaning through an orgasm that appeared amazing, and left you with shaky legs. Going silent, Bucky didn’t push, not this time, but he did feel the moment Steve surrendered fully.  His shoulders let go with a deep inhale, his voice sounding like that scrawny kid from Brooklyn after a bad scrape,  "She loves him, man.  And I fucked up.  Loki’s got my girl and I don't have any way to find her or fight him." Tears?  Sighs?  This wasn't Steve.  No, Captain America was an unstoppable, unflappable hero.  Spinning out was Bucky's move, not Steve’s.  Putting his fleshy hand on Steve’s shoulder, trying to console the broken man in front of him, "Come on, kid.  There's always a way to win.  It's what you and I have been doing for over a century." “Not this time, man.” "Why not?  Did you come clean?  That’s why she left, isn’t it?  You told her what was going on and she went after Loki."    Shame filled Steve’s heart, his cheeks burning, "I… I didn’t get the chance.  She left here, but not alone." "She'll be back."  Words, pathetic platitudes, were all Bucky could offer.  He had seen you tonight, skittish and jumpy.  He saw Steve’s reaction to your disappearance, angry and hurt.  Bucky thought that a snowball in hell stood a better chance than you're returning. "Not happening.  I lost it on her, Buck.  Smashed up mom's dresser, yelled… It was like being outside myself, watching myself do and say these terrible things.  And it wasn't her fault.  Not really.  I mean, yea, she fucked him but he was me, so-" "Whoa.  Stop.  Say that again?" Steeling himself to relieve this afternoon’s nightmare again, Steve swallowed hard, "Loki, you know how he can… shape shift?  Well, he came here as me and I walked in on myself screwing my girl!" Bucky's eyebrows lifted, his full lips curling into a cockeyed grin, "Wait.  You're telling me that you came home and saw yourself banging your future fiancé?" Pausing, catching Bucky barely holding back a smirk, "Yea… why?" And for some reason, after all the incredible things Steve had shared tonight, it was the idea of Steve catching himself balls deep in your naughty bits that made Bucky laugh.  Once he started, Bucky couldn't control the mad giggles from overtaking him, much to Steve’s astonishment.  But then Steve laughed, too, "I guess it is pretty funny, when you think about it." "I mean, your face must have been priceless!"  Clutching his stomach as the laughter grew stronger, Bucky had tears running down his cheeks at the image Steve described.  Sure, it was a horrible thing, but who could say that they watched themselves having sex like that without being in porno?   It took them both a minute to calm down, with Steve settling enough to counter, "Shit, Buck!  I was pissed!  I probably looked crazy." "That I do believe.  What did you say to her?  Them?" Now his face flushed scarlet, burning with embarrassment.  The lie was just easier to get out, "Um… I don't really remember.  I know I surprised Loki and well, my girl fainted from being used by him.  The shock of it not being me, ya know?" Bucky didn't buy it, but he let his friend sell the story anyway, "Must have been scary for her.  And that's when you secured Loki in the locked shed?  And set Nat as your watchdog?" "Yup."  Unable to meet his friend’s stormy stare, knowing that it would undo him completely, Steve focused on the edge of the table, running his fingers back and forth along the rough wood.  If this were an interrogation and Bucky were sitting across from a suspect and not his best friend, he’d have no problem beating the guilty man into submission.  But Steve was his strongest connection to this world, this time, and it was hard to walk away from family, even if they didn’t deserve the benefit of your doubt.  To that end, one thing still bothered Bucky, "Why not cancel the party, man?" "Because I still want to marry her."  Pulling the small black box from his front pocket, Steve toyed with the thing, his vision of a future with you still so close to realized. Whistling at the size of the sparkly rock enshrined in white gold, "Fancy.  What do you think your chances are?  Think she'll say yes?" "My chances went down to zero the second Loki dropped down to Earth.  As for her answer… Dunno.  I… I hope so, but now…", Steve faded off, knowing there was little hope for your romantic reunion if he didn’t have a clear idea of where you were at the moment. "Now Loki’s back." "Right." “And they’re gone, together.” “Right.” “And Fury’s on his way.”  Striding in on impossibly high heels, Natasha folded her arms over her chest, eyeing the two gossiping men in front of her.  It was going to be a long night. --- Somehow you had made it to the treeline undetected, using the orchard as a shield, ducking behind trunks as you and Loki scrambled toward the edge of the property.  You couldn't help looking over your shoulder, checking for pursuit, worrying that Steve or Natasha were going to find the pair of you.  There was no possible way they would let you get away, not after today, not with Loki. It was a bit treacherous, though.  There was only natural light to guide you through twisted branches and raised roots, so your progress was slower than you wanted, but Loki was with you.  Even beaten and bruised, he radiated calm, a soothing balm for your frayed nerves.  Something about that made this whole situation seem better, manageable.  You were no longer alone, Loki was here, holding your hand, not directing you but consulting.  "Pet… the roadway is up ahead.  Stay here, tucked out of sight." Pulling your long lost lover close, a small kiss passed between you, a passionate promise to sit still.  Stepping tentatively out onto the gravel filled shoulder, Loki surveyed the highway quickly.  When he was satisfied that the coast was clear, Loki waved at you, motioning you forward.   Striding confidently at your side, Loki stopped in the dead center of the yellow lines, his grounding arm around your waist.  A car, low, black, expensive, came racing round the bend, barreling towards you.  Tucking your chin to Loki's chest, you gripped him tight, readying for the car's impact.   A roar of wind swirled around you, grabbing at your skirt, whipping around your legs.  For a second you thought you'd been struck.  Breathless, your lungs emptied.    There was nothing solid under you, just the feeling of Loki and a current of warm air.  Next, you felt the impact of hard earth under your feet, vibrating through your shins, then Loki's grip loosening a touch, "Ok, darling?" Peeking from under his arm you saw lights everywhere.  A bar was to your left, filled with noisy drinkers, barely discernible from the traffic around you.  Honking horns made you jump, "Where the hell are we?" "Cleveland.  I can't yet take us off world.  I'm still a bit weak, I'm afraid… but at least we have a bit of a head start on Rogers and Fury." People pushed past you on their way to dinner, chirping happily, not seeing you in their tunnel vision.  Being anonymous was a nice change, welcome even, as your personal life had been lost to Steve's intergalactic presence.  On the busy streets of Ohio no one took notice of the two well dressed people standing on the damp sidewalk. "Um, you changed?", no longer sporting his battle gear, Loki was dapper in a black suit with an ebony tie.  Leaning closer you straightened it, not because it was crooked, but because you needed to feel it… him.  The whole look was just shy of too much, but that was the space Loki filled best and honestly, looking at him made your heart swell. Loki was back, and yours.  After more than two years, having him close again felt natural, easy.  In so many ways, the opposite of your life with Steve.  As if somehow sensing your tug into nostalgia, Loki knuckled your chin up, "Just keeping up with you, love." His nose brushed against your own, so weirdly intimate and innocent for a man who had slapped your ass red only hours ago.  Resting his forehead to yours, you inhaled that magical combination of burning sparklers, broken in leather with just a hint of honeyed citrus, "God, I forgot how great you smell." "Hmm… dove, there is nothing on Asgard that smells or tastes as wonderful as you.  Believe me.  I looked." "Careful Loki… people will say we're in love."  At your cheekiness, Loki claimed your lips, his hands sliding over the soft fabric of your dress.  Clinging to him, unwilling to let go now that he had returned, you puffed out a pouty sigh as Loki withdrew. “Norns.  You know how badly I want you again?  I can barely think straight for wanting you.” Oblivious to everything around you, lost in the sweeping pools of Loki’s desire filled expression, you toyed with his collar, “We have a lot of catching up to do, for sure.” “I’d love to get reacquainted-” here he paused to lick over his full lower lip, hunger for you dripping from every word, “-but we are on the run from the Earth’s mightiest heroes.”  Snickering, you rolled your eyes at the thought of the Avengers, hours away eating charcuterie in Steve’s backyard.  Stepping back, you sighed, “You’re right.  So, have you got a plan?” Hanging in the air, your sentence had just left your mouth, your tongue still savoring the syllables when a sizzling crack snapped next to your ear.  Swinging you away, forcing you to the sidewalk, Loki spun in a blaze of green.  Crouched over you, snarling, “Fury!  Always a pleasure to see you.” Stepping from the blazing golden circle supplied by Dr. Strange, Fury crossed onto the Cleveland sidewalk from your now empty garden party, weapon trained on Loki’s broad chest.  “Wish I could say the same, Loki.  You know it’s time to end this.  Let’s take our… deliberations back to the office.  Talk about this man to man.” A barking laugh left your lover, “Man to man?  I am a GOD!  And you… you are pathetic.  Your attempts to keep me off Earth, imprisoned, away from my woman have all failed.” “Where are you going to go?  You can’t get off the planet without help.  My help.  And it’s yours, Loki, if-” “If I come quietly?  Tail between my legs, submissive and compliant?”  As the words left his mouth, you watched, focused on the way Loki was shifting closer to you.  The long fingers of his right hand were visible, reaching back for you, a silent signal of his escape plan. Fed up and furious, Nick Fury’s voice was flat with frustration, “Loki.  Enough.  Let’s do this somewhere people aren’t.” “Oh, I don’t know, this seems as good a place as any!”  Circling Loki, edging nearer, Fury tried reasoning, “Endangering civilians isn’t going to make things easier.  You know that.” “You know, I’d love to talk about how you betrayed me.  How you stonewalled my lady… how you put Captain America in my place, as if he could ever be worthy of her.  But, I’m a little busy at the moment.”  Snapping his fingers, you jumped to your feet, grabbing for Loki’s outstretched hand.   The second your palm connected that feeling of floating overcame you once more.  This time you were ready for the roar of traveling through space by Loki’s magic, the push of meeting the ground, the curl of Loki’s body against yours.  Blinking, you opened your eyes on new scenery, the chill of a beautiful sea soaked morning breaking around you. Straightening the coat of his pristine suit, Loki smiled at you as his fingers wove between your own, “New Asgard.  My brother’s realm, now ruled by Valkyrie, by his abdication.  We need to find him.  He has a lot to answer for.” --- "Just what in the hell happened?  I thought I was very clear about avoiding this exact problem."   Pacing, hands firmly on his leather belted waist, Nick Fury growled at the bent head of Steve Rogers.  "Now Loki’s on the run, dragging your… Well, what is she exactly Captain?  Girlfriend?  Fiancé?  Mark? along for the ride." At those harsh words, Steve started, ready to focus his own anguish somewhere, anywhere.  Fury was as good a target as any, as far as Steve was concerned.  Pushing off the paving stones, he was stalled from rising by Natasha's firm hand and quiet words, "We have an idea-" "I don't want ideas.  Not from you two.  What I want are answers, Romanoff, and I want them now." Sitting on the emptied bench of the picnic table, still covered with your pretty tablecloth and jars of peonies, Natasha sighed, "I didn't have time to alert Steve.  Loki made it here first and… reconnected-" "Is that what we're calling it?"  Snapping, Nick glared from his good eye, his last name never more appropriate. Exhaling deeply, Natasha Romanoff squared her shoulders, "Sir, Loki… manipulated the circumstances." "Just what in the hell does that mean?" All three available eyes locked onto Steve, “What it means, Fury-” lifting his golden head with a jaw clenched tight, “- what it means, is that the son of a bitch showed up here and had his way with my woman. “After Loki… took advantage of her, I had him.  He was contained, here, in my shed.  It was modified with the restraints Tony provided with Thor’s direction.” “And still, he got away?”  Disbelief clouded every syllable from Fury.  That his two top agents had failed and so badly, had the normally stoic director steaming. Standing now, Steve was almost chest to chest with the man who’d been pulling the strings of this entire operation.  Natasha, watching closely, knowing that she would only be able to subdue one of them if it came to it, gently palmed the dagger concealed in her waist band.  Steve thrust forward, brushing past Fury before facing him once more, “Yea, Nick.  He did.  He got away.” “Do you know how?”  Fury’s fingers were curled around his pocket taser, just in case Captain America needed a jolt, reminding him of who was calling the shots here.  It wouldn’t do much except give Nick a head start, but with the Captain looking so rough and so raw, the SHIELD director would take any advantage available. “We believe that… he was set free.”  Natasha didn’t want to say the words.  You had let Loki go, that much she knew to be true, and she supposed that it made some sort of sense. Steve had been right all along.  You and Loki did have some cosmic connection that even time and distance couldn’t eliminate.  Intervening for the sake of Fury’s mission and Steve’s pining heart, Natasha had no qualms about why she’d guided you into a relationship, in fact, she still believed that he was a better man for you than Loki. But no.  No matter what Rogers did, you had never let go with him like you had with the younger son of Odin.  Not that you complained.  You had taken all of Natasha’s words of praise, her seemingly well intentioned advice, her flat out advocating for Steve in stride.   Sure, your friendship suffered for it.  Natasha, never having been one for close ties to anyone, had enjoyed the talking and gossiping.  It was nice to have a girl around the tower.  One who understood period cramps and cravings.  A person who would put on high heels and makeup for a night of dancing then suggest hoodies and shorts for watching Pride and Prejudice.  That was over now.  When she had been, well, frankly, overpowered by Loki and his new paralyzing weaponry, Natasha knew the plan for a peaceful capture of the prince was over.  Having seen the aftermath of your reunion with the space god, having seen Steve’s seething anger, the Black Widow felt her own ire spike. Didn’t you know how hard she had worked?  How tireless her efforts had been to keep you and Loki apart?  Just how invested she was in joining you and Steve together?  It was like you wanted to throw all of that away, squandering those bonding moments where you had become something more than a mission, those times when you were Natasha’s only real friend. Couldn’t you just go along with the plan, unknowing, quietly?  She knew you couldn’t, wouldn’t.  It wasn’t in your nature.  So, channeling that frustration into the cold facade that so many had seen just before they met their end, Natasha had to compartmentalize the “you” she cared about away from the “you” she was responsible for trailing.  Both had pissed her off. Now, hearing the gruff grumble of Director Fury bearing down on her, Natasha could only accept the berating tone of his hard words.  He wasn’t wrong.  She and Steve had fucked up royally, the whole mission was blown, and while Bucky had certainly aided in your escape, he was blameless collateral damage.  The consequences fell to you and the Captain.  Killing you was going to be hard for them both, but if it had to be done, so be it. Shrugging, Natasha started again, “Nick, we have a tracker on her.  We know that she and Loki made it to Cleveland, but he can’t get away from Earth without some aid.” “Well, that’s good to know, if only it was some new intelligence.  You’re tracking her?  Great!  Where is she now?  Don't know huh?  Well, she and Loki tele-ported from a city sidewalk, in front of me and hundreds of civilians, with no word on their next destination.  “And make no mistake.  Loki will find a way off of this planet and when that happens, there’ll be nothing else we can do.” “So what?  Let him go!  He’s won, Nick.  It’s over.”  Throwing himself down onto the bench, Steve’s dejected voice breaking, he slumped over his feet. “That’s not an option Cap.  Loki is more powerful now than he’s ever been.  You both read the reports.  He wasn’t just hanging around on Asgard.  No, Loki was negotiating peace between his native realm of Jotunheim and his adoptive home.  He was gifted with tools and technology that no human could hope to wield.  Earth ending stuff, Captain.” “Whatever plans you had of making peace are over now.  There’s no way Loki gives us any help… and why would he after all this?” “Rogers, I’ll do whatever I must to keep this planet and the creatures on it safe.  Loki is a threat to that, just by existing.  With his new powers, high placed connections and intergalactic royal title, he had the potential to be unstoppable.” Seething breath puffed out the chests of the two men standing toe to toe.  Machismo made Natasha want to vomit.  Men. “Look, I’ll go after them.  Steve, stay here, in case she reaches out.  I’ll take the quinjet and trace their path.”  Standing now herself, Natasha turned to the depressed super soldier, patting his arm, “Bucky’s still here.  I’ll let you know when I’ve found anything.” “No.  Nat, I can’t let you go alone.  It’s my fault, too.”  “You’re no good to me like this, Rogers.” “But, She’s-” Cutting him off, Natasha stepped closer to Nick, “I know, but you’re too involved.  If tough choices need to be made, can you?” Gulping hard, passing a rough hand over his face, Steve frowned, “I can do my duty, if that’s what you’re asking.” “Steve.”  Her tone said it all the words she wouldn't vocalize.  I don’t trust you, not now, not like this.  I don’t believe you will have my back at the cost of the woman you claim to love.  I don’t think you can do the job. Fury didn't allow her the chance to elaborate, jumping in with his definitive voice, “Natasha’s right, Rogers.  You’re staying right where you are, on the bench.  Romanoff and I are going to resolve this issue without any further problems.”  Half hearted, strength sapped, Steve raised his eyes to the leather clad figures before him, “Please.  Please, Nick… Nat.  Don’t hurt her.” “I promise, Steve.  I won’t.”  And in the second, all three knew she was lying.

--- Finding Thor’s shanty was easier than you expected.  A friendly fisherman was only too happy to point you in the right direction.  What you saw upon arrival was not entirely what you had expected when visiting Loki’s brother. It was a beat up looking cottage, surrounded by empty cases of cheap Midgardian beer, crumpled take out containers, and a collection of well fed seagulls situated near the edge of the village, “Ugh.  What a pig.” “Loki!  It’s… charming?”  Your admonishing whisper turned the statement into a question at the sight of Loki’s disgusted face.  For a second you just stood at Loki’s side, staring at the weather beaten front door, your hand clasped in his strong one. “It’s disgusting.” Agreeing with a small nod, “Um, yes.  Yes, it is.  But, this is your brother’s house and you said we needed to talk to him.  Step one is ringing his bell.” “No.  I won’t do it.” You had forgotten about this side of Loki.  Fastidious, precise and obstinate, Loki could cop an attitude that had the ability to drive someone crazy.  Someone like you. Over the last two years it had been easy to forget all the little things that made Loki prickly.  It was even easier to forgive him.  Since he’d left, you had looked at your life together through rose glasses, through a gentle fog of missing him, and those elements of your relationship that were less than perfect had been abandoned. Now, standing outside the hovel that Thor called a home, as a fresh day dawned over New Asgard, you were reminded of all those imperfect things that came with loving Loki.  A wave of need, love, and longing for him rolled over you.  All of those imperfections made you perfect for each other. Rising up on your toes you pressed a small kiss to Loki’s pout, taking the tall God by surprise, “What was that for?” Shyly grinning, you bit into your bottom lip, “I missed you… missed kissing you.” “Then perhaps you should come over here again?”  That was all the invitation you needed.  Stepping into Loki’s space, your chest resting against his own, you savored the nearness of him, as himself.  He wasn’t playing at being Steve.  Loki was here, he was with you, and if you weren’t mistaken his hands were drifting down your backside.  The rush of it, well, it was familiar and new at the same time.  How Loki seemed to inhale your breath, inhale you, as his mouth opened to accept your lips.  His gentle exhale, a moan, as his tongue licked over your own.  It was overwhelming.  It was wonderful. Stepping back, you started to pull away, only for Loki to wrap his arms around your waist, “Not so fast, darling.” Losing yourself, you focused solely on the firmness of his body, the weight of his hands on your hips, the intensity of Loki’s desire.  Intoxicating, heady, you leaned into those feelings.  Kissing Loki back, you tangled his hair in your hand, earning another one of those sultry sounds that made your legs weak.  How had you lived without the passion and pleasure he provided for so long? A smashing crash broke the quiet morning causing you to jump in Loki’s embrace, “What the hell was that?” Immediately on the defense, Loki pushed you behind him, crouching into a protective stance.  From over his broad shoulder you watched, worried about the new danger coming your way, unsure how to help your reactive lover.  Another rattle had Loki palming his dagger, anticipating an attack.  That’s when a raccoon, bigger than your childhood terrier, scuttled from under an overturned trash can carrying what looked like a half eaten slice of pizza in its mouth. “Appalling!  Mother would be modified!” Loki cursed as he offered you his hand, kicking away an empty glass bottle, "Why is he living like a dirty animal, surrounded by trash?  One would think they were back on Sakaar!"  “I don’t know what’s going on with Thor, but we came here for a reason.  Let’s get it over with, ok?” Loki shook his head, refusing to step any closer, “He’ll have to come out here.  I won’t go inside this… dilapidated shit box.” Sighing, “Fine.  Fine, I’ll do it.”   Stepping around a pile of broken electronics, you carefully picked your way to the front door, gracefully knocking on the splintering wood.  After an answerless few seconds, you tried again, rapping lightly with your knuckles before turning to flash Loki a small smile.  That’s when you noticed the striking woman striding towards you and your returned lover. “My, my… is that pretty Prince Loki I see?”  Even her voice was sexy, you thought, as the sarcastic words dripped from her full lips.  The swaggering stranger radiated cool, calm, sensual energy.  Otherworldly energy that made you feel mortal and boring.  You couldn’t help tugging your skirt straight and fluffing your hair as she got closer. “Ah… Valkyrie!  How are you?” Hugging her tightly when she opened her arms, Loki found that he was genuinely happy to see the fierce, battle tested warrior. Smirking at your man, she countered, “That’s King Valkyrie to you.  Your brother crowned me, or have you forgotten?” “On the contrary.  It seems like he finally realized what I’ve known all our lives.” “Which is what, exactly?” “He’s not fit to be the ruler of Asgard, obviously.” Drawing right up to Loki, hands on her hips, Valkyrie leveled her dark eyes at his, “What would you know about ruling, Mischief?” “Enough to know that you’re good at it.  Enough to know that I no longer want to be the King of Asgard.” “Is that so?  And what’s changed your mind?” At those skeptical words, Loki wound an arm around your waist, tugging you close, “I’ve got more… important concerns these days.” Looking you over with her shrewd, searching gaze, but speaking to Loki, “And she likes you?  Are you sure?” Laughing, the sound deep and rich, “As much as you like fighting and drinking.” “I hardly drink anymore.  As King I have mead only on important occasions, I have to keep my wits about me the rest of the time.” Sharing a laugh, the two shared another small hug before Valkyrie turned to you directly, “Alright.  Who’s this then?” Loki started to respond but you cut him off, extending a hard towards the newly crowned King of Asgard, “Uh, I can answer for myself, thank you, Loki.  Valkyrie is it?  Nice to meet you.  And, yes, I love Loki.” Making a face that was part disgust, part pride, Valkyrie smirked, “Love?  Oh no.  Hasn’t anyone told you yet?  Loving the Odinson boys is hard on a girl.” Pulling Loki in for a small kiss, taking him by surprise, “I’ll take my chances.” Shrugging nonchalantly, “Suit yourself.”  Focusing on Loki once more, Valkyrie shifted on her feet, “Listen, if you’re looking for Thor, he’s not here.” “Oh?  And where exactly is the lovable oaf?” Hitching a thumb over her shoulder, pointing up the hill, “At the palace… the new palace, that is.  You can come and, please, don’t forget your girlfriend.” Falling in line behind the King, Loki couldn’t help but add, “You know Val, I think I liked you better when you were drunk.” Snorting in response, “And I know I liked you better when I was drunk, weird right?” Bringing up the rear, your own sarcastic comment dying on your throat when the Palace of New Asgard came into view.  Banners of gold shimmered in the light of the rising sun, flapping in the breeze of the young morning, beckoning you closer.  You hugged Loki’s arm tighter, excited and exhilarated by the sight before you. “Home is a people, not a place.  Those were some of my father’s last words to Thor and I… and while I can never take you to the place where I grew up, this… this is the home of my people.” “Loki… it’s beautiful!” Valkyrie, stopping so you could both catch up, “It’s getting there.  Thor’s been a huge help.  Come on, let's show you around the palace and let your brother know you’re here.” ---To Be Continued!

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[nextwarden]

It's coarse and rough and irritating and it gets everywhere.

Not for the first time in her life Weiss Schnee was about to do something dangerous and brave. For once, however, it had the potential to also probably be very, very stupid. She had, of course, always danced with danger. Being the esteemed daughter of one of the most powerful men in the world came with its fair share of risk. Whether it be from the outside world or from within… She had long learned that lesson, one that trailed before her in every second of her life. But she had, to the appalled surprise of her father and perhaps even to her own, also learned to do what was right. It hadn't been easy, it had taken years and many a tentative step, a handful of eye-opening moments to see the truth veiled behind layers and layers of lies and deception, and a push from unlikely comrades to finally make herself into the huntress she had destined herself to be. For others but not at their bidding, for herself yet as selfless as could be. Not that anyone would outright accuse her of such a quality - to the outside world, she was still the cold, icy soul that refused to back down for anything below perfect, whatever the cost. Truthfully, however, she had felt that thick wall begin to thaw and crumble for some time now. One that she had spent years carefully erecting in order to protect herself from the world and its dangers, from her father and his control, from her life and its lonely emptiness… That had all changed after she had arrived at Vale. Granted it had taken some time, but the strange yet powerful strength which had been imposed upon her by the three young women that made up her team - her family, if she was to be honest - had shifted from unbearably suffocating to gratefully welcomed. It had not killed or ruined her, as she had often been promised such things would. Quite on the contrary, team RWBY had been the best thing that had happened to her. She had found an unlikely yet precious kinship in the form of Blake Belladonna, the aloof and mysterious faunus. Somehow, although she could not quite explain it, a frustrating yet immensely motivating support in Yang Xiao Long, the hot shot, empty-headed pillar of the team and Ruby's elder sister. And then there had been Ruby Rose. An incorrigibly clumsy dolt of a girl, too immature and too trusting to amount to anything, she had assessed within the first seconds of their meeting. Somehow, however, the red-clad typhoon, despite her childish manners, her constant nagging, and her inability to stop putting others' needs before her own, had wormed her way into her heart. Earning not only respect but also admiration and loyalty. Earning so much more than that too...

That was precisely why she was standing on the beach that day. The adoltable girl must have somehow rubbed off one her as she was sure she was about to make the biggest mistake of her life following one of the stupidest decisions she had ever convinced herself to make in the entirety of her life. And there weren't many, she was not Weiss Schnee for nothing - although there seemed to be far more in the recent months than before. She had no true statistics to back that sentiment up yet she knew it to be true, or at least she felt it to be true - perhaps she'd run some numbers to verify it- Focus! Now was not the time. She had a very very bad, no good, horrible decision to follow up with and all her brain power was needed in order to convince herself that she could not back down now. Or to find a way to in the span of the half second she had left before the silence became too uncomfortable between the two of them. She could already feel the frown grow between those adorable brows of hers- No, focus!

"Weiss?", she heard Ruby's voice prompt her, uncertain.

Time had ticked, she had to speak or forever be silent. Oh how silence seemed appealing to her now… But she had resolved, she had to. They had walked along the beach for long enough, coming to the shore on her behest after a long day of working on their shared essay and a growing headache in the hope of enjoying some fresh air and clearing her mind. Maybe, just maybe, to also try to confess her feelings to the girl that had enraptured her heart for a while now. Never had she thought of ending up in such a situation before, in love and so completely lost as to how she was ever going to find the courage to do what she wished to do. Her, the self-assured Weiss Schnee, victim of weak knees. What a joke!

"Weiss?", she heard the girl call again, softer this time.

Her leader was looking at her, her eyes full of the love she knew the ravenette had for her friends and companions. Soft and patient silver expectantly waiting. Ruby clearly had no idea of the power she held, Weiss thought. It had not always been the case, but she had grown and matured from a loud and obnoxiously cheerful girl into almost a grown woman, taller, fuller - in hair, curves, muscles, and inner depth - and, well, as plainly as it was possible to say, irresistible, she had found. Everyday Weiss was assaulted a little more by her kindness, her softness, her care. Not that it was disagreeable, on the contrary. That was the problem, it felt so good she wanted to lose herself in it for hours at a time, both in the attention and in the physical proximity. It was something she had lacked as a child in that huge, cold mansion her father had made into an even colder and harsher place, she knew it, yet this was not only her trying to recapture that, it was more. She wanted Ruby by her side and she wanted to be by Ruby's side, good times or bad, and that want grew a bit more every day. It had been growing for a while now, so much so that she had had to accept it as something that was there and she would eventually have to act upon - whether to crush or to encourage. She had mulled it over, weighing for and against, carefully, as carefully as she took every other decision in her life, letting herself realize that she wanted something out of it. Carefully drafting a plan to eventually do act upon it. And, finally, actually acting upon it. That was where she was left now, after a long day of studying, a trip to the cold, windy beach, and a few hours of walking and talking as her nerves grew ever more taut. A moment of blissful silence had passed between the two, a rare occurrence only happening after long discussions when even Ruby found herself not pouring out words but appreciating the quiet for a while. Weiss had taken the ravenette's hand, gently stopping them in their tracks, before announcing she had an announcement to make, something she wanted to tell Ruby, something important but not quite easy to say. Ruby had been patient, had waited in silence, gently encouraging her with those beautiful silver orbs of hers. Weiss had opened her mouth repeatedly yet no sound had come out, she'd breathed in and out yet her nerves had not died down, and now she'd waited too long to speak and too long to back out of it. Ruby knew something was up and she was worried, preventing Weiss from simply brushing it aside as she usually did when it came down to it. No, now she had to actually carry on with it. And she would. She deserved that, Ruby deserved that, she deserved the truth, even if the truth scared Weiss, especially letting it out. Nodding and with a press of her hand, she took a deep breath.

"Sorry, I-...", she began, hesitating again. "Sorry. It's not easy to say. I'm a bit scared, to be honest."

Ruby frowned at that, she opened her mouth to reassure her, surely, but Weiss motionned her to stay silent.

"Please, let me say what I have to say first."

Ruby simply nodded at that.

And Weiss did. It came out slowly, with great difficulty. Stuttering at first, in jumbled pieces despite all her plans and coordination, despite the whole speech she had prepared during the many sleepless nights leading up to that day. And Ruby listened. She listened as Weiss spoke of herself, her life before Beacon, their meeting, the horrible impression she'd made on her during their first meeting, how that impression had changed, her doubts (about herself, about others, about everything), and slowly but surely, almost despite herself, she found a rhythm and the words, the ones she wanted to say along many others she had never expected until that point yet which felt right and true and deserved, poured out of her as steady as a stream, more confident as Ruby tentatively nodded her attention. Weiss felt like she was not simply admitting her feelings aloud, but like she was telling herself to Ruby.

It wasn't the first time, over the months they'd shared in each other's company they'd become very close, closer than she'd even have imagined before. Ruby had almost instantly opened herself to her (from the moment the first impression from their first meeting had faded enough for Weiss to interact with her like a normal human being and not her archenemy set on burning her career to the ground, at least). Weiss, on the other hand, had needed more time to do so, it had taken many a nice gesture from Ruby, many a kind word, and many - too many - moments of reproach from Weiss (not always deserved, she had to admit) before she'd eventually begun opening. Without even realizing it at first. A small admission here, another there, and much like today, she had unravelled her life for the one she had come to consider her best friend, her first true friend.

Opening herself had not only given her the opportunity to have somebody else know her better, but also to know another soul almost as she did her own. Sharing had revealed itself not to be a weakness, as Jacques had often professed, praying to his capitalistic gods, but a path to find strength in more forms than she had known until then. Sharing opened oneself to be cared for by others and showed that one cared about others to allow them to do it. It had helped her learn to relate to her peers, and then, slowly, to those different from her. She'd even become one of those who were different, if she could say so herself. How good it had felt to let herself free from the shackles that her family had long imposed on her, even if that was only in the confines of her academic life and tentative step after tentative step. And all of that she owed to her friends, and amongst all of her friends, to Ruby. Not simply for being there and listening, but for being the reason that had made her want to actually change.

That is what she finally confessed. How her life had begun revolving around Ruby without her even noticing, how she'd wanted to share that with her for some time now, and how it had made her simultaneously a better, stronger and happier person than she'd ever have hoped, yet also such a coward she hadn't been able to string two coherent sentences until then, and simply tell her that she, the loveable raven-haired dolt, was actually very much loved.

As she spoke, she saw the silver eyes grow. And as she finished and let the weight of her words settle on the humid sand, they'd widened to an extent she had previously only seen on rare occasions when cookies were involved or she extended an equally rare demonstration of affection, and then even wider than that. Oh no. That wasn't a good sign, was it? So, about those backup plans? Perhaps 'H' would do? She heard the gasp and saw the array of emotions brew into the storm that were Ruby's eyes. How she wished she could take back her words now…

When Ruby finally spoke, it was just as deconstructed as when she herself had begun speaking.

"Weiss, I-... I-..."

Clearly the girl was at a loss for word, overwhelmed by what she'd just been told.

Weiss felt the retreat a second before it came, in the tensing muscles and the rapid glance the girl shot behind her. Curses...!

"Ruby, wait-!", was all she managed to get out before she smelled the semblance activate.

A scent of roses, much stronger than usual, assaulted her nose and her mind - oh how unjust it was to be left with the lingering perfume of what she had now come to associate with her wildly beating heart. Damned be her superior genes!

The silhouette stormed in the distance of the beach and she let out a groan. How was she going to deal with this? What was she to do? Should she even try to deal with it? A return to cold Atlas was the last thing she desired but it would at least have the benefit of putting her in a remote enough place that she would not have to face the shameful consequences of her own stupidity… Her paternal would see to it even if she didn't, keeping the 'questionable' influences at large. Did she want that, however? If the choice had been quite obvious one way up until then, it was on the verge of being drastically altered in that precise moment. Despite all she had learned over the past years, she could feel the desire to turn away and

remove herself rather than feeling the humiliating pain of having to face Ruby and her friends after this...

Before her numb body had time to truly catch up with her frantic mind, which itself had not quite registered the reality of her crumbling heart, however, she heard a sound in the distance. Sand grating sand. Followed by a frustrated grunt and the faint splash of water as a stone ricocheted over the waves. And as her eyes lifted back up, the small silhouette of her team leader, now standing motionless near the water, imprinted itself in her eyes. That was the only reason she knew it had been there and it had been real, for as soon as her gaze settled on Ruby, the brunette had disappeared in another flurry of petals. Once again she was left to her own, lost and abandoned. It wasn't the first time, and surely it would not be the last. Each time the pain promised to lessen only to hit her full speed when she least expected it. What good was time and experience if it did nothing to soothe or prevent bruising? Still, she had picked herself up more than once and she would again. She was a Schnee and Schnees did not stay down. She would- A sound cut through her thoughts.

She heard the frenzied steps crunch the delicate silica grains, each louder than the previous one. She recognised the voice an instant too late, registering what was going to happen a moment even later as a huge weight tackled her and sent her crashing into the sand with so much force she almost passed out. Had she not let her powers flow out she probably would have, but even when her mind was too slow, her nerves and muscles reacted on instinct.

"Weiss!" she now realized Ruby had been yelling, her voice desperate and shrill, as she barrelled into her at full semblance speed.

When the world finally came back to her in an orderly fashion she was on her back, humid sand holding her steady, as Ruby was on top of her, her wide silver eyes looking at her, watching, apologetic yet seemingly searching deep into her blue ones for something. Instants passed, quiet and still, almost as if everything else had frozen - she couldn't hear the waves anymore so maybe the world had actually frozen. Perhaps even was it her doing. She did tend to… lose control more often than not when in the presence of the brunette, such an outburst would not even surprise her at this point. Then, before she had the time to utter the words she had uttered so often in loving frustration at her partner, before she even had time to finish thinking about doing so, her vision went dark and she felt something soft on her lips. It took her another few seconds of wild heart and crazed thoughts to comprehend what was happening. Ruby had leaned down, her hair falling over Weiss's eyes, and she was now kissing her, ever so gently, as if she was a precious - not fragile, she knew the girl knew by now - piece of… something, something worth being ever so careful not to break or damage - as if she could easily be anyway… The interaction was pleasant however, more than pleasant even, and welcome, very oh so very welcome. So much so that nothing could make her bitch about what had led to it, as her partner's sister loved to word. Not now, in any case. For the first time since she had learned the power that contact with Ruby held upon her, she let herself relax and melt into it. Her high end dress and her carefully crafted updo be damned, she took that moment for everything it had to offer. Even returning some of it herself as she cupped the soft cheek above her with a hand and leaned into the kiss.

There were no fireworks, there was no orchestral music either, although she felt that the moment would have deserved everything the best of romantic scenes could throw at it, not even taking into account the fact that she was a Schnee and that Schnees deserved only the best. This was the best, not by name or by wealth, but by pure and simple meritocracy. None of that happened, yet the world as she knew it did tilt on its axis. She was kissing Ruby, Ruby was kissing her. The object of so much of her yearning for so long, something she had never dreamed of truly having the right to deserve, was acting exactly as she desired. And she was flying. Even the realization that she was having the gall to question whether this was the kind of gesture she was hoping for and not simply an affectionately friendly way of assuring her of Ruby's desire to remain close despite Weiss's admission did nothing to ground her. Not to Earth, at least. If time had stopped or the world had frozen for real this time she couldn't say for all had simply vanished and only the feeling of Ruby upon her remained. Her weight, her softness, her heat, her smell, the small sounds that escaped from her throat - or perhaps both their throats - as they delved into the moment. She was tethered to her raven-haired partner, and only they were left. Weiss caught in her bright orbit, never to be let go. Oh. That was a scary thought. Welcomed yet hair-raising. She'd have to ponder upon that later, preferably together with the one currently showering her in affection, right now she had other preoccupations.

…

They must have stayed in that position for a long time, Weiss realized when the first wave came to lap against her arm and drenched her back in cold, salty water. To her credit, she did not yelp. She had learned to show restraint in her reactions via closely monitored teasing from her roommates over the past years, after all. And the fact that her supply of air was dangerously low did not help, nor did her obstructed mouth and already humming throat. Still, she motioned to the taller girl to catch her attention. When Ruby did not react and kept on making her focus lose itself she tried again. To no avail. Feeling a third wave coming, the second one had already drenched the second third of her back which had remained untouched, she managed to invoke enough willpower to shove them both around. Ruby yelped at the unexpected movement and, in the process, Weiss found herself atop her partner. The other girl let out a second yelp, surprised as she felt the degree of humidity of her back skyrocket. Weiss saw the frown of outrage almost knit the two brows together on Ruby's flush face as her team captain finally realised what had happened and, despite her best efforts, couldn't help the fit of giggles that soon turned into a full laugh. It rippled through her body, sending her crashing into Ruby's neck where she remained for a while, revelling in the sweet scent as her shoulders kept shaking.

When Weiss rose again, one hand still cupping Ruby's cheek and the other fisted into the neck of her top, she saw the ravenette was smiling too. One of those tender, ever-loving - and ever-loveable - smiles. She couldn't help the wave of heat that burned her already rosy cheeks, instantly vanishing the cold from her face.

"That was not very nice", she heard as much as she saw the smile in her partner's voice.

"You weren't listening," Weiss shrugged in response. "As often is the case, I'll have you know," she added almost mischievously.

Ruby huffed but did not move as another wave came softly crashing upon her side. She simply wrapped her arms - as deadly as her guns, Weiss had found out during their first spring at Beacon - around the petite yet fierce woman on top of her. Her silver eyes suddenly became more serious, yet losing none of the affection they beamed at her.

"I'm…," she seemed to search for her words for a moment. "I'm sorry, Weiss.", she settled on in the end.

The even more serious, if that was possible.

"I do too."

Weiss may have smiled, she may have not. Nothing else than the swell of her heart and the heat of their second kiss registered in her mind as she closed her eyes and leaned into Ruby once again. She did too. They both did. Wonderful.

…

So, when Blake and Yang, Blake "Eternal Unfazed" Belladonna, and Yang "Top of the World" Xiao Long, walked back into the party, each so far removed from their own title that even Jaune quirked an eyebrow, Weiss knew exactly what had transpired elsewhere and what would transpire in the times to come. She gently nudged Ruby and pointed to the duo. The ravenette looked from behind her shoulder, shifting slightly yet not breaking the embrace she had Weiss trapped in. The leader studied her teammates' gaits; Weiss saw her silver eyes trail from the faint smirks on each face down to their intertwined fingers, and felt light pour into the room as she beamed at the sight. Of course she would be happy for them, she deserved to be after all the work she had put into making an opportunity for realization on both their part. Also perhaps because that now levelled the playing field slightly, giving them the opportunity to return the teasing. Unless it had the opposite effect and instead magnified the bumbling bi's ability to mouth words by backing them up with snarky smirks. A shiver ran down her spine at the thought. She let herself smile as she felt Ruby's heat expand around her in an effort to warm her up, effort at which she would have rolled her eyes and huffed before, yet which she had learned to accept and appreciate over time. The girl truly had rubbed off on her, it was undeniable now. Still she retained most of her wit and snip, no amount of warm and tender ravenette would ever manage that feat (at least not while they were around others). She made it known to the two girls as they slowly made their way through the crowd by a cool, level gaze and a raised eyebrow. Blake simply raised one in return and Yang rubbed the back of her neck and offered a sheepish smile as they came to stand in front of Ruby and her, hands still clasped onto each other and their closeness now reduced to nothing.

"Good?", Weiss asked, feeling Ruby's broad smile more than she saw it.

"Good," Yang replied after exchanging a look with Blake.

The tenderness in the gesture did not escape her notice, neither did it Ruby's as she felt the smile broaden even more against the back of her head. Still Weiss huffed. She had to, at least at something during her day, the world demanded it.

"Good", she replied with a curt nod.

This time it was her turn to smile. It was definitely not as broad as Ruby's or Yang's, but it held just as much emotion, only part of it being the other duo's doing. Sharing could be easy when one cared.

-----

I want you to date me. (College AU - Part I)

Sunset (College AU - Part III)

Sun-kissed

[spidernerdsblog]

Love Is The Biggest Spell : Chapter One

A/N: Chapter one is here. Two opposite worlds, two opposite lives what happens when fate brings them face to face again? Hope you like this chapter . Feedbacks and suggestions are always welcome.

Pairing : Warlock Tom Holland x half mortal reader

Summary : Witches are forbidden to fall in love with mortals. But what if your long lost love returns to you as a mortal, can you defy your heart? Any spell any magic seems useless in front of the magic of love. Let's join our lovers in their magical conquest beyond life and death as they fight for their love unravelling dark mysteries of the past along their way.

Warnings : language, adult humor.

"Good morning!" You greeted everyone cheerfully at the breakfast table as you pulled out a chair to sit for breakfast. 

"Good Morning to you too Madeleine!'' you cooed to your pet cat who was hovering near your feet. You picked her up and placed her on your lap whilst brushing her soft black furry coat. 

"Honey how are you feeling?" your mom asked. 

"I'm good. Why do you ask?" You bite into your toast.

"Y/N how many times I have told you that whenever you have those nightmares you need to inform me?"

"Really?!" You glanced at your cousin bewildered. 

"I had to." Erica shrugged. 

"And thank you Erica for letting us know."

"Mom it's just a stupid nightmare!"

"Yeah which is not letting me sleep." 

"I didn’t ask you to sleep with me." 

"Y/N don’t talk to your sister like that. She is worried about you just like us moreover she is five months pregnant she needs rest too." 

“Sorry” you mumbled. 

"We are going to the church today to get Father Boris's blessing." 

"Mom not again! Moreover I have to help aunt Rose at the coffee shop since Erica is taking a leave for the next four months.'' you whined. 

"I think your aunt can handle it on her own for today."

"Yeah Y/N listen to your mother, Jane and I can manage it for one day." your aunt reassured you. 

"Why do you and your aunt want to keep that coffee shop in the first place I don't understand. We literally own the Runeshire Daily and after you finish your degree course on journalism  you are going to take my place as the chief editor." You father remarked. 

"Dad, that is our family coffee shop which has been there for ages. And I love working there utilizing my free time. And after uncle Dan that is all aunt Rose has."

After breakfast as it was decided in the morning you were on your way to the church accompanied by your mother. The church was mostly empty as you both approached Father Boris. 

"Good morning Father" you both greeted. 

"Good morning. How are you Y/N?" He asked. 

"I'm good Father." You gave a tight lipped smile. 

"So again that horrible dream I suppose." 

You looked down and nodded in reply. 

"Father, why is this still happening to her?" 

"Mrs Warren God works in his own mysterious ways, maybe he is trying to send a message and we are mere humans. How can we decipher what he has in his mind? Just have faith in him and everything will be fine." 

He then turned to you. You lowered your head as he sprinkled some holy water on you and began reciting. 

"O God, who for the salvation of mankind hast appointed water to be the foundation of the greatest mysteries, graciously hear our prayers and fill this element of water, which has in manifold ways been purified, with Thy power and blessing; so that this creature of Thine may be used in Thy mysteries and endowed with Thy divine grace to drive away devils and to cast out diseases; that whatever in the houses or possessions of Thy faithful shall be sprinkled by this water, may be freed from everything unclean or hurtful. Let no spirit of pestilence or baleful breath dwell therein. Let all the snares of the enemy who lieth in wait for us, be driven forth, and let everything that threatens the safety or peace of the dwellers therein be banished by the sprinkling of this water, so that the health which they seek by calling upon Thy holy Name may be guarded from all assaults."

After the rites were completed you and your mother lit some candles near the altar and prayed for a while. You turned to leave but stopped in your tracks when you noticed your mother not coming along. 

"You aren't coming?" 

"No I want to spend some more time here you go or else you will be late for your class." 

"Okay then bye. See you in the evening" after you left the church your mother went up to Father Boris. 

"Umm Father I wanted to talk to you about something else too." 

"Please do not hesitate Mrs Warren" he reassured. 

"I think it's time to give her this. So can you bless this too?" your mother held out a ring in her hand it was a metallic ring with intricate celtic patterns etched out on its surface. 

"I understand what you are going through Mrs Warren. I have been seeing Y/N since her childhood and she is definitely a miracle child. But as her mother you have to stay strong, she will be needing her family's support to battle whatever is coming her way after she turns 25." He took the ring from her hand.

“I’ll have this purified and blessed. Don’t worry everybody here is God’s children he will surely look after her.”

You practically ran through your campus to reach your class. As you reached the hallway you stopped for a moment to catch your breath when across the hall you caught sight of the most hot and happening man in your life Cole Sprouse. You have known each other since childhood going to the same highschool and now the same university. In no time your  relationship transitioned from best friends to lovers. You were the 'it' couple of your class. Strangely you both never actually said those three magical words to each other but everytime you look at that raven haired blue eyed boy your heart skipped a beat. Cole was chatting with some other guys and his face lit up when he noticed you. He waved at you as you jogged your way towards him and threw your arms around to hug him. 

"Hey!" 

"Hi babe." He pecked your lips. 

"Hey you are late today!" Tony tapped your shoulder.

"Yeah sorry"

"C'mon hurry up or we will get late for the class. Let's go!" Jane came running across the hall.

After the class ended you were hanging out with your friends in the library. You were snuggled close to Cole as his hands lazily wrapped around your shoulder.

"So why didn't you come to the cafe today? It was quite a rush today." Jane asked. 

"Don't ask.. Mom took me to the church to get blessed." you scoffed.

"Mrs Warren finally came to know about the carnal sins you two commit in your bedroom." 

"Oh shut up!! It's nothing like that." You scorned. 

"Then what is it?" 

"Nothing it's just I get this stupid recurring nightmare once in a month where a group of men are chasing after me." 

"Oooooh interesting, are you sure it's a nightmare not one of kinky sexual fantasies?" everyone laughed. 

"Fuck off!! I'm not telling you anything." you grimaced.

"I'm joking.. I’m joking, come on now tell us." 

"So these men are trying to kill me because I'm a witch. Then someone shot me at the back and there's blood everywhere. And I don't have any fucking clue to why I get this horrible dream." 

"So do you know these men?" 

"No, their faces were all blurry. But according to Father Boris and my mom believes it too that I'm having visions of my past life and that’s insane! right?" 

"So you mean to say you were a witch in your past life that's awesome! Do you have a witch mark?" Jane joked

"Seriously? You deadpanned 

"it's the 21st century, not the mediaeval era. All this witch, magic and past life are utter bullshit!"

"See men were and always will be a dick." you added.

"Ouch!" Cole pretended to be hurt. 

"Sorry honey but that's sadly true." you pouted

"But you can't live without this dick can you?" you elbowed him hard giving him a playful glare.  

"Oww!" he winced as you continued 

"So as I was saying, men have always enjoyed superiority in the society and the time these witch trials began coincided with the time when women were finally finding their voice and demanded equal rights. 

And it's clear as the daylight in those times a strong opinionated woman was always looked down upon as a threat to the society so what's better than tagging them as witches and slaughtering them to shut them up.'' you ranted. 

"But there are reports of male witches being killed too." Tony pointed out.

"That's just to deceive people because the majority were women who have been killed." 

"You are just getting emotional with this." Cole said. 

"Your grandfather was a witch hunter right?" 

"Yeah sure he was." Cole admitted rather proudly.

"And you are proud of that?" 

"No not proud but kind of awesome too. 

" He killed innocent women, how's that awesome?!" you both started arguing. 

"How can you tell they were innocent? What I have heard is that they used to practise black magic to harm people." 

"Those are just lame superstitions." 

"You are forgetting that your grandfather was a part of that witch hunting group too." 

"And I'm so ashamed of him. I wish he rots in hell." 

"Okay that's enough of the discussion on witches and hunters. Can we focus on tomorrow's field trip to the mystical woods?!" Jane scowled. 

"Oh yeah thanks for reminding me about that." 

"Uggh! I hate historical field trips!" Cole groaned.

"It's part of our assignment on the research we are doing on the town's history." 

"I regret taking history as my elective man!" 

"Professor Brown will be so disappointed to hear this from his favourite student." Tony jokes. Cole rolled his eyes. 

"I really like the mystical woods though." You said absentmindedly. 

"What's so special about that place?" 

"I don't know. I just feel a sort of connection with that place. That place just calms my mind."

………………….. 

"Give this to her a month before she turns 25."

These particular words echoed in Martha's mind as she fiddled with the ring in her hand. 

"Honey, do you know where my glasses are?" Your father asked your mother as he searched for his glasses. But she was engrossed in deep thought. 

"Honey, is everything okay?" your mother was broken from her thoughts. 

"Hmm yeah-yeah." 

"What is that in your hand?" 

"It's this" she showed him the ring. 

"I think it's time to give her this as I was told to do so and maybe tell her the truth." 

"Not again, we are not telling her anything." 

"What if something bad happens to her Fred?" 

"Martha you're just being paranoid." 

"Oh am I Fred?! Because deep within your heart you also know that whatever is happening with her isn't just some petty nightmares." your mother snapped. 

"They are petty nightmares!" 

"Then why only on every full moon night does she have those dreams? And you know very well what happened on such a night 25 years ago in that forest." 

"You are just worrying too much and she will be completely fine." 

"I'm her mother Fred! And a mother has to worry when her daughter doesn't have any sensation to anything hot." 

"She suffers from peripheral neuropathy and the doctor himself confirmed that to us."

"Oh for God's sake! Do you believe that? How much you try to ignore the fact but Y/N isn't a normal girl, maybe she isn't a complete human!" she muttered. 

"What do you mean to say that Y/N, our daughter is…is a… Fred lowered his voice

witch?" He whispered. 

"Honey why are you trying to unsee the uncanny resemblance Y/N shares with her. Those eyes, that exact same face… " your mother broke down as tears filled her eyes. Fred hugged her planting a kiss on her forehead and spoke calmly. 

"Honey I know you are scared but nothing has happened all these years and I'm sure nothing bad will happen in the future just relax and let her also live her life peacefully." 

"I'm home!" You chirped as you entered your house. Your parents quickly composed themselves, your mother wiped her tears.

"Oh you're finally back! I need to talk to you about something." your mother exclaimed.

"Me too! But me first" you said excitedly.

"Tomorrow as you know we are going to the mystical woods so can you please wake me up early in the morning."

"Mystical woods what for?!" 

"Field trip I told you earlier."

"Oh! it must have slipped my mind." 

"So what did you have to say to me?" 

"Not say actually I wanted to give you something."

"Here." Your mother held the ring in front of you. 

"What's this?"

"This will protect you from every danger I had it blessed by Father Boris. Whatever happens, never take this off." 

"Mooom! Wasn't the blessing enough? You know very well that I don't believe in this nonsense stuff." 

"Y/N this is the last time I'm asking something from you. Please honey can't you wear this for your mother's sake? So that she can be sure that you are safe wherever you are." 

"Okay.. if this makes you stop worrying about me then I'm going to wear it." You slid the ring in your middle finger. 

"See! now happy? How can I ever say no to my lovely mom anyways?" you hugged her tightly. 

……………………….. 

“I’ll come back Tom. I promise no force of nature can keep us apart.”

"Brother you need to stop now and move on. She is not going to come back." Harry advised Tom. Tom was broken out from his thoughts who was staring at a framed photograph in his hand. 

"No she has to, she promised me that she will come back." he said lowly.

"Brother it's been 25 years you have to understand she is gone forever, she is dead." Tom clenched his jaws. 

"Moreover it was kind of her fault if she would have listened in the first place she needn't had to die such a gruesome death." Tom swiftly raised his hand, rage in his eyes and Harry was lifted in mid air by an invisible hand choking him around his neck. 

"Choose your words wisely Harry!" Tom growled. 

"Tom, even if you kill me, reality will never change those pesky humans killed her!" Harry choked. Tom let him down as Harry gasped for air. 

"Why have you even come here, leave me alone!" 

"I just came to inform you that father was looking for you." 

"Why?"

"Don't know may be about you taking the place of the next High Priest of our coven."

"We are deeply honored to establish a relationship with your family Father Holland." 

"It's my pleasure Lady Layman to make your eldest daughter a part of our family." 

"Father, you were looking for me?" Tom interrupted their conversation.

"Yes Thomas come sit."

"Thomas as one of the finest students of the academy and the most eligible Warlock you know you are most likely going to be the next high priest of our coven after me. So your mother and I want you to get married to Lady Layman’s eldest daughter Zendaya."

"Father, what has me being the High Priest has to do with my marriage? And Z is a friend of mine. I can’t marry her." 

"The coven needs a high priestess Thomas."

"Then you should start considering other warlocks like Harrison, I think he will be perfect. I don't think I can share my life with someone else in my life ever again." 

……………………………. 

It was an early autumn morning and a frosty chill hung in the air. The sweet surrendering scent of the morning dew filled the forest with a scent that did not belong on earth. Autumn leaves from the tall trees lay scattered on the forest floor; each of them turning brittle brown; there was a sound like dried cereal being crunched underfoot, pushing their papery remains deep into the soft soil. The dark shadows of the voluminous trees and the surrounding bushes had become the backbone of the forest, standing as passive protectors of a peaceful place. 

"This place spooks the hell out of me." Tony commented. 

"Students, the tree you are looking at is where the witches were hanged to death during the witch trials back then." Professor Brown pointed towards a huge oak tree probably a few hundred years old with a huge canopy. 

"We are going to spend an hour or two here so you all can explore and take pictures for your report. Stay close and don't go too deep inside the forest." Everyone scattered in different directions. 

You were walking behind your group, your eyes went to an abandoned path trailing deep inside the forest. A strange attraction was born inside you. You felt as if the path was luring you towards it. 

"Hey guys look at that road I think we should go there." 

"And get lost or most probably killed by a wild animal." Jane snickered.

"Don't be a pussy nothing will happen, maybe we can get to know something more. C’mon guys it will be fun! You pouted with puppy eyes. 

"Okay let's go." Everyone agreed. 

You all took the abandoned road slowly walking deeper inside the forest. The forest was ancient. The trees are thick and old, roots that were twisted. It's canopy was so dense that you could only see the occasional streak of sunlight that rarely touched the forest floor.

"Well, well, well look what we have here a flock of sheep coming this way." Laura gave an evil smirk as she pointed others towards your group from a distance behind the trees. 

"Guys call me whatever but I don't feel right here. This place is giving an eerie feeling let's go back." Tony cautioned, you all stopped for a moment to decide whether to go on further or not suddenly you heard a faint humming sound. A sweet feminine voice luring you towards itself. You didn't care to look back if others were following you as you walked forward following the direction of the voice. 

"Guys can you hear this faint music coming from the distance?" You turned around to find no one. The place appeared familiar to you as it suddenly hit you that you have seen this place in your dreams. You decided to continue moving forward. The forest was so still you could only hear the tread of your feet and the cracking of twigs and leaves underfoot. A smell of timidness hovers in the air... no clue of what is ahead! You clutch your fists tightly, as you keep moving forward. The bushes and trees of low growth had disappeared, to make room for gigantic mahogany trees, century old cork trees, and the acajou, whose sombre branches formed a vaulted roof of green eighty feet above your head. The path had grown wider, and stretched, in a gentle incline, towards a hillock of moderate height, entirely free from trees. There in the middle of the clearing you saw a platform more like an altar just like we get to see in churches made of big rocks. A big flat piece of rock mounted on two other rocks which were mostly acting like pillars. You went near it to examine it carefully gently brushing your hand over the smooth surface whilst circling around it. It was quite old as moses covered the surface, ferns growing at the bottom of the rock pillars. You heard the rustling of leaves in the nearby bushes. 

"Guys?? Are you there?" You looked around. 

"It's not funny c'mon." 

"Jane?!" You heard the cracking of leaves. 

"Cole is that you?!"

"Scream as much as you want human no one is going to hear your cries." Laura gave out a sinister laugh and began chanting a spell. 

You decided to go back and find your friends. You went to retrace the path you took to go back but suddenly out of nowhere a dense mist started to engulf the forest blocking everything from your sight. You were practically stuck in the middle of the forest lost with no way to go back. You took out your phone to open the GPS but to your dismay there was no network in that area. 

"Fucking piece of shit!!" You cursed at your phone. 

"Let's teach her a lesson shall we?" Remy suggested with a wicked smile. 

"Guys I think we should stop here, that is enough for today. We should not harm innocent people." Jacob advised. 

"No human is innocent, Jacob. Murdering is in their blood." Remy jibed. 

He focused on the branch of the tree you were standing underneath. You were fidgeting with your phone when it slipped off your hands. 

"Shitt!!"you moved forward and bent down to pick up your phone. 

And just then the branch broke with a loud crack missing you by a hair. You jumped aside looking up the tree gasping in shock. 

"What the hell! Really shouldn't have come here" you repented. 

"Good incantation you dimwit" Angourie mocked. 

"This wasn't to happen. How could it miss her?" he frowned. 

"Because you didn't focus properly!" 

"What are you all doing?" Tom suddenly appeared from nowhere. 

"Nothing Tom." Jacob said. 

"How many times do you need to be told that you should not use your powers to harass or create problems for others be it witches or humans?" 

"We were just having a little fun, that's it." Remy reasoned. 

"Throwing a branch of a tree on someone is fun to you?!" Tom snapped at him. 

"These humans deserve this for what they have done to our kind!"

"You are not the one to decide who deserves what and that girl definitely didn't do anything wrong!" 

"Yes Tom is right we can't judge someone for the wrongdoing of their ancestors." Zendaya also appeared at the scene. 

 "But she's trespassing our sacred place!"

"Enough! I don't want to hear anything, go back to the academy right now! I'll deal with you guys later" saying that Tom took off to your direction mumbling a spell to clear off the mist. 

"When did you become such an empathetic witch, sister?" Angourie smirked. 

"I don't have any choice, mother's instructions to try to get inside his heart and convince him for the marriage. Or else if it was me I would have levitated that girl in the air." Zendaya shrugged giving an evil grin. 

Tom slowly walked towards you as you desperately tried to contact your friends. 

"Are you lost love?" He said from behind. You jumped back in fright tripping on a rock and twisting your leg. You lost balance but before you could fall you felt two firm hands catching hold of your shoulders as you felt your back pressed against a broad chest. Your eyes were closed shut as you  clutched onto your phone tightly, your breathing erratic.

"It's okay love I got you." You heard the person reassure you in his thick British accent. He steadied you on your feet letting go of your shoulders. 

You slowly turned around to have a look at the person who saved you from falling down, and as soon as your face became visible to Tom his eyes went wide as a chill ran down his spine. He froze then there as he blurted out. 

"Amber?!!"

.....................................................................

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Taglist:To be added send me an ask or message I’ll be happy to add you in the following chapters.

[agwitow]

P&P + Zombies (pt 2)

Read Part 1 Here

Leaning toward “Zombie Impressions” for an official title--though I’m using the term ‘ghoul’ instead of ‘zombie’ within the story itself. “Ghoul Impressions” doesn’t sound as nice though... maybe “Dead Impressions”???

****

In seeking a distraction from Lydia and Kitty’s incessant suppositions about the newly arrived Mr. Bingley, Lizzy slipped into Mr. Bennet’s office, only to find it empty of any other person. Confused, but only a little worried, she left in search of Jane to ask:

“Is Father still abed?”

“Not at all,” Jane replied. “I saw him and Mother walking together outside.”

Appeased—for if he were taking a short walk then this was one of his better days—Lizzy decided she could simply ignore her youngest sisters while she trimmed a hat. It was much later in the day when the sound of a carriage drew the attention of those Bennet girls who were in the drawing room.

“Who could that be?” Lydia asked, rushing to the window. “Oh! It’s Father! He must have been visiting Mr. Bingley!”

Lizzy dropped her hat and rushed to windows. Sure enough, Mr. Bennet was slowly climbing down from their carriage. The sallowness of his skin and trembling of his limbs were signs of how tiring the excursion had been for him, but he still held his head high as he came in to the house.

He had barely removed his hat before Lydia and Kitty were asking him questions. He waved them off with a strained chuckle and declared, “Let me catch my breath a moment. Perhaps fetch your Mother and other sisters.”

Though neither girl wanted to do any such thing, they knew they were unlikely to get answers to the questions that had been burning in them all day until they had. So with more speed than their dragging heels might have preferred, they gathered up the rest of the family to the drawing room.

Lizzy fussed over Mr. Bennet as soon as he had taken his usual—though long empty—seat. Fetching a footstool, draping a blanket over his lap, and finding the plumpest of pillows behind his back.

He shook his head with a smile. “Lizzy, my dear, you need not fuss so much.”

“Your trip took much out of you.”

“It did,” he agreed. “But the number of pillows you surround me with will not change that. What’s done is done.”

“Why did you go? Surely we could have waited to be introduced at the next ball.”

“Ah, but that would have vexed your Mother greatly.”

She frowned. “Let her be vexed. It’s not her health at risk.”

He clasped her hand in his, giving it a little pat. “It only tired me, my dear. I will recover.”

Lizzy wanted to say more, but they were joined by Mrs. Bennet and the rest of the girls. They all settled into their seats and waited for Mr. Bennet’s news. No matter how tired he was, he could not but help smile indulgently at the women of his family.

“Though I have become quite settled in my ways, your doting Mother convinced me to make a new acquaintance on behalf of you girls. I must say, I was not overly impressed by the manners of Mr. Hurst.”

“Mr. Hurst? Who is that?” Lydia exclaimed.

“Why, the gentleman I was to meet, was it not?”

Mrs. Bennet made a choking sound and crossed her arms to glare at Mr. Bennet. “So Mr. Bingley is still lost to us.”

Jane was quick to put in, “You forget, mamma, that we shall be able to meet him at the assemblies. Did not Mrs. Long promise to introduce him for us?”

She sniffed. “I do not believe Mrs. Long will do any such thing, no matter her promises. She has two nieces of her own. She is a selfish, hypocritical woman, and I have no opinion of her.”

“No more have I,” said Mr. Bennet. “And I am glad to find you do not depend on her serving you.”

She opened her mouth to make some sort of retort when Kitty began to cough. Her ire quickly turned toward her daughter. “How can you be coughing so, Kitty? You hardly stir out of the house except to go to tea and buy ribbons! You cannot have gotten sick from so little.”

“I do not cough for my own amusement, mamma,” Kitty replied fretfully. “One of Miss Kingsley’s visiting relatives had a cough of his own. I must have got it from him.”

“Then no more outings until you are recovered.”

“But mamma! Lydia and I have been invited back for tea this very afternoon!”

Mrs. Bennet’s frown dipped towards a scowl. “It will not do for you to pass the cough on to anyone else. What would the neighbours think? One of my own daughters spreading an illness so carelessly! No. You will stay in.”

“I will tell you all about it,” Lydia said brightly.

“You will not. You are not going, either.”

“What! Mamma! Kitty is the one sick, not I!”

Mrs. Bennet’s frown softened, but she still shook her head. “Lydia, my love, Miss Kingsley should not have invited anyone to visit while her relative has a cough. It is very ill-bred of her.”

“It’s only a cough,” Lydia whined. “It’s not as if he were biting people!”

Jane gave a little gasp, then quickly dropped her eyes to keep anyone from reading the worries about Mr. Bennet’s condition in them. She hardly need have bothered, for all other eyes were focused on Lydia and Mrs. Bennet’s argument.

“He may have only coughed last time, but who’s to say it won’t be more this time?” Mrs. Bennet said, her tone shifting into something resembling reasonableness. Lydia was, after all, her favourite. “Every apothecary and surgeon declares a different set of symptoms to watch for. They have no real answer as to where it comes from, or how it is caught.”

“It was damp on their journey here,” Lydia protested. “That is where his cough comes from. We are only at risk of being overlooked for future engagements.”

“If it is a simple cough, as you say, then Kitty will be better in a few days. Then you may both go to whichever teas you wish.”

Lydia pouted, but she knew none of her sisters or Father would come to her defence. In such situations it was usually her Mother she would appeal to. Rarely were her whims curbed by her Mother, but on those occasions when it happened, there was little point in dragging out the argument.

Once silence had fallen again, Mr. Bennet offered, “Well, my dear Mrs. Bennet, you may have the advantage of your friend, and introduce Mr. Bingley to her.”

“Impossible, Mr. Bennet, when I am not acquainted with him myself. How can you be so teasing?”

“Ah, my dear, you are the spirit of modesty. A fortnight’s acquaintance is certainly very little. One cannot know what a man really is by the end of such a short period. But if we do not venture, somebody else will. After all, Mrs. Long and her nieces must stand their chance, and, therefore, she will think it an act of kindness. If you decline, I will have to take it on myself.”

“What nonsense is this?” Mrs. Bennet asked, wringing the edge of her apron as her mind tried to unravel the mystery that was her husband.

“And who is Mr. Hurst?” Mary put in.

“Ah, I suppose I should have been more specific—I made the acquaintance of two gentlemen and the ladies accompanying them.”

“What? What is the meaning of this? Mrs. Bennet cried.

“Mr. Bingley is a very amiable young man, though his brother, Mr. Hurst, was not nearly as polite. Of Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst, I have little to report beyond that they look very much like their brother.”

For a moment, silence weighed heavily on the drawing room before Lydia and Kitty let out loud whoops and began to dance about the room. Mr. Bennet watched their exuberance with a contented smile until the day’s efforts began to bring about the pain is his joints and increase his fatigue so that only the noise of their merrymaking was keeping him awake.

Jane and Lizzy were quick to notice his decline and silently drew Mrs. Bennet’s attention to it. She nodded once, then turned to the three youngest and declared:

“A fortnight is not much time to make any changes you might want to employ for the ball. Let us see what we have to work with.”

Both Lydia and Kitty were quite happy to leave off their dancing and go upstairs to pour over dresses and ribbons and shoes. It took a bit more cajoling to get Mary to go along.

“Why are Lizzy and Jane not coming with?” Mary groused.

“They are the eldest of you all, and so have more to choose from. It will not take them as long to prepare their wardrobe.”

Once they had all left, Lizzy and Jane helped their Father out of his chair and to his office, where he might be able to rest without interruption. He murmured his thanks before falling asleep. Jane opened a window a little to entice a breeze into freshening the room while Lizzy wrapped a blanket around him to keep any chills away.

In the hall, Jane turned to her sister and whispered, “Did you feel how warm his brow was?”

“Too warm,” Lizzy agreed. “And his hands were too cold.”

For the first time since they had been told the truth of his declining health, Jane could no longer believe he might improve. “How long do you think he will… will remain?”

“Days? Weeks? Months more?” Lizzy shook her head and sighed. “I cannot even make a guess. But what are we to do when it happens? What if he rises?”

Jane shivered. “Let us pray he does not. No young man would take to wife a daughter of a ghoul.”

#

Mrs. Bennet made herself busy attending to every little whim of her youngest girls for the rest of the day. It did not deter Elizabeth from simply waiting until the others had turned in for the night. Jane suspected what Lizzy wanted to discuss with their Mother, but was too gentle to be able to make an argument for either side. So she bid her sister goodnight before retreating up to the room they shared alone.

“Oh! Lizzy! You mustn’t lurk like that! You nearly gave me such a fright,” Mrs. Bennet exclaimed.

“You certainly gave me a fright earlier today when you sent Father out. By himself.”

She tutted away the worry. “He is a doting father, you know. Ill or not, making acquaintances at our time of life is not pleasant. But we would both do that and much more for you girls.”

“And what if something had happened while he was out?”

“Nothing did.”

“This time.”

Mrs. Bennet and Elizabeth glared at each other, each completely sure that they were in the right.

“If he’d died on the way and come out of the carriage as a ghoul at Netherfield, do you really think there would be much point in having ‘made their acquaintance?’” Lizzy asked.

“Pish. If he’d died, they would have simply found a corpse.”

She blew out a relief breath. “So he is free of the walking virus.”

Mrs. Bennet shifted and would not meet her eyes. “Not exactly.”

“Does he, or does he not, have the virus?”

Mrs. Bennet stared at Lizzie for a long, silent moment. She gave her head a shake. “You are always asking questions and wanting to know more than you need. But I can see you’ll let me have no rest if I do not tell you more. Give me a moment to change, then we can go to the kitchen and enjoy a bit of tea while we talk.”

For a moment, Lizzy started to protest, but then she realized what her Mother had said. She nodded and headed down to the kitchen immediately. She wouldn’t wake Jane twice by changing and leaving, only to come back later. So while she waited, she fed the embers in the oven until there was enough of a little fire to warm the kettle.

By the time Mrs. Bennet made her way to the kitchen, the tea was ready and poured. Lizzy had put two spoons of sugar and just a splash of cream into the cup for her Mother. For her own, she’d only used half a spoon, a bit more cream, and a crushed clove.

“I know you think I should have brought in an apothecary or doctor to tend to your Father,” she said after taking only a single sip. “And I did, the first time.”

“First time?”

“It was a few years ago. Do you remember the year where nearly everyone had a cough that lasted through the winter?” At her nod, Mrs. Bennet continued, “Even after most had recovered, your Father’s cough still lingered. We talked to all sorts, hoping to ease the pain in his lungs. There were various things they tried. Some helped, some didn’t. But as soon as we thought he was better, it would return.”

“I think I remember that. You and Father went to town to visit my aunt and uncle, did you not?”

She nodded. “We did. We had heard there was someone in town who might help. And he did. But he warned that this illness had weakened your Father. His next illness would likely be his last.”

“That’s just what one man in town said.”

Mrs. Bennet sipped at her tea. “After being through so many painful and unsuccessful treatments, your Father was… not willing to go through it again. When he became sick this time, we worked to ease his pains and hoped time and rest would do what all those apothecaries and doctors couldn’t.”

“But it didn’t.”

“It helped at first. It was much easier to do things when the pain was not so… complete.”

Lizzy stirred her tea and tried to understand what they had gone through.

“Then, a few months ago, your Father had a… a little fall.”

“Little? He collapsed and knocked his head against his desk!”

Mrs. Bennet sighed and set her tea down. “Your father is not over-large, but still too large for me to carry. If that had not been the case, I would never have told you and Jane anything about his health. It is not for a child to worry about their parent.”

“How can you think to keep this a secret for much longer? What happens when he dies? Will he rise as a ghoul?”

“I plan to keep it secret at least until all of you girls are wed.”

Lizzy stared at her, dumbfounded. “It would be impossible for him to live that long.”

“If we can keep him confined for the first fortnight after he rises, then the worst of the danger will be past.”

“Whatever do you mean? Ghouls are ravenous beasts that attack any living creature they come in contact with!”

Mrs. Bennet smiled, a note of triumph gleaming in her eyes. “That is the common understanding, yes.”

Lizzy narrowed her eyes. “Is it not correct?”

“It is not the whole truth.” Mrs. Bennet paused, waiting for Lizzy to ask what it was, but eventually sighed when it became clear that Lizzy would do no such thing. “After death, it takes three to five days for someone with the walking virus to rise as a ghoul. Upon rising they are, as you said, ravenous beasts. If they are kept from… feeding… then their hunger abates after a fortnight. After which, they will try to resume their old habits.”

“What? If that is true, why are ghouls not simply kept secured until the hunger abates?”

Mrs. Bennet gave a genuine sigh of sadness. “It is only a semblance of life. They cannot speak, and they become easily confused. They are still dead, so their body will continue to decay. And if they are injured, or angered, they will revert to their ravenous state. So long as they do not eat living flesh, it will pass, but if they do, then they will be lost to that madness forever. For most, that is far too much risk for far too little reward.”

Lizzy was dumbfounded. It sounded strange and fantastical, but her Mother was not the type to invent stories. She could misunderstand things and draw fanciful conclusions—in fact, she often did—but to come up with something so beyond the norm? She shook her head. “And what reward would make having Father become a ghoul worth the risk?”

“Seeing you girls wed, instead of homeless, with hardly a penny to our name.”

“How did you learn about such things?”

Mrs. Bennet sniffed. “Your Father is not the only one who reads old books on occasion.”

This seemed almost as bizarre an idea to Lizzy as the thought of her Mother making it all up out of nothing, but no matter what further questions she asked, she would not say any more. As far as Mrs. Bennet was concerned, the matter was now settled. They would care for Mr. Bennet in secret until he died, keep him locked away once he did, then allow his ghoul to make just enough appearances to keep suspicions at bay. He hardly saw or spoke to anyone, so she did not think it would be much trouble to keep the charade going. Lizzy was much more doubtful of their success, but could see no way to explain it to Mrs. Bennet without beginning an argument that would leave them both angry and with no other solutions.

(Read Part 3 Here)

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[dear-mrs-otome]

Feed a Cold - MLQC (Victor)

Fandom: Mr. Love: Queen’s Choice/Love and Producer Warnings: Slight spoilers for something heavily implied from Chapter 4 on. Summary: 2k words of purely self-indulgent ‘taking care of the sick’ fluff, sparked by some phone calls and dates. I’ve got requests to tackle but this wouldn’t leave me alone. @justine-the-guillotine I hope you enjoy!

She looked like hell.

He’d expected as much, from the moment Goldman had told him she was cancelling their meeting because she was home ill. He’d expected to see her looking wan and pale, but the dark smudges under her eyes and the haphazard hair that greeted him when she opened the door, the feverish pink stain that rode high on her cheeks, they all still made his heart do an odd sort of stutter-step. As if it had stumbled over its own feet.

“Victor.” She blinked blearily up at him, half-sagging against the open door listlessly in a faded oversized sweatshirt with some inane cartoon character on it and shorts that were doing their best impression of hotpants.

“That is my name, yes. Congratulations.” He hoped his words were brusque enough to cover the strain plucking at his voice.

She blinked, again, her eyes crinkling with confusion. “Why…why are you here?”

He sidestepped the question as easily as he dodged around her, letting himself into her apartment. “You didn’t show up for your report today,” he said severely, just to enjoy the moment of panic that put a bit of a spark back into her listless gaze as she straightened abruptly.

“I called Goldman, didn’t he tell you?”

“Tell me what?” Victor hedged.

“That I was sick. That I…” Her words dissolved into a sneeze, and she pulled a tissue free of the box tucked under her arm. “Needed another couple of days to deliver it.”

He let his gaze wander the place as she fluttered helplessly nearby. A studio apartment, not small but still a studio, decorated in a nauseating palette of pinks and pastels he was utterly unsurprised by - stuffed floor to ceiling with knick-knacks and kitsch. His studiously ignored the huge bed occupying one wall and let his eyes linger on the cello, standing proudly in a corner where the sun from the nearby window burnished it. An idle part of him wondered if he could ever convince her to play it for him.

Elgar, maybe…although she seemed much more like a Saint-Saëns person. He wanted to see those slim fingers coax the delicate strains of ‘The Swan’ from it. Watch her breathe life into something cold and inanimate.

“He told me,” Victor finally allowed, circling about to the small kitchenette tucked up against one wall. He set the vacuum flask in his hand down on her postage-stamp counter, slipped the suit jacket from his shoulders to fold neatly over a nearby chairback, and helped himself to rummaging through the cabinets. “Which is why I’m here. Things are pivotal right now. LFG needs you back as soon as possible.”

I need you, rattled the echo of that sentence within his own head.

He shook it away and opened another cupboard, rewarded with a stack of dishes only to find that her bowls had tiny animals capering about the rims garishly. Why had he expected anything different?

With a moue of distaste he pulled one down, and a soup spoon from a nearby drawer, gathering them all up to bring to the table that sat in the center of her apartment.

Canting her head to one side, her gaze lingered curiously on the container he held. “What is that?”

“It’s congee,” he explained shortly. “Don’t pretend you weren’t about to order some more of that delivery swill.”

She had the good grace to look sheepish as she sank onto one of the chairs at her small table, trying and failing miserably to keep the eagerness off her face. “I don’t know what you have against takeout.”

He paused in pouring out a measure of porridge, and fixed her with a hard look. “It’s greasy. And stuffed full of preservatives and who-knows-what sorts of mystery flavorings and chemicals. Glorified junk food.”

“You’ll have to excuse me. We don’t all have a personal chef to prepare us home-cooked meals every time we’re sick,” she huffed, a frown pinching her brows adorably.

“Well, now you do.” He set the bowl down before her with a clank for punctuation, before the ramifications of his words dawned on him and he scowled. “Try not to spill it all over yourself and waste my efforts.”

“You…made this? Yourself?” She was still staring at him when he pushed the spoon in her direction, and he busied himself with closing up the thermos to avoid meeting those wide, disingenuous eyes. By the time he’d turned back around, she had spooned up a bit and taken a hesitant taste, and he watched her features light up.

“This is delicious!” she exclaimed, in between mouthfuls.

“Of course it is,” he scoffed, resisting the urge to preen at her unnecessary compliment. The chair made a faint scuffle of sound as he pulled it out and sat down across from her, folding his arms on the cool wood of the table before him as he watched her eat with gusto.

This, he realized, was what he had regretted most when she came into Souvenir. Not that she hadn’t eaten his pudding offering, but that he hadn’t swallowed his pride and let himself come out of the kitchen to watch the way her eyes brightened with every bite. Heard for himself every tiny appreciative sound she made, or witnessed the flicker of her tongue catching an errant drop of porridge greedily.

Saw the contented smile on her face, and savor the knowledge that he had put it there.

In his food, he could put the things he couldn’t bring himself to say. Smile for me again, as he minced the ginger that would warm her belly. I worry about you, in the delicate shreds of chicken braised to near-melting. Lean on me, in the curls of spice-laced steam and scallion garnish.

Need me like you need this. Like water, like air. Like food.

At last, with a happy sigh, she pushed the empty bowl away and leaned back - only for him to stand, and scoop her effortlessly into his arms. “You should sleep.”

“I can walk,” she protested, but it sounded weak. Like a kitten mewling petulantly.

“Can you?” he drawled, in a voice that clearly said he doubted so. One that was validated when she gave up immediately and curled towards him, looping her arms around his neck in a way that made him feel more powerful than walking out of any successful boardroom meeting ever had.

As if he could take on the entire world, so long as she reached for him without hesitation like that.

He sat on the edge of her bed, indulging himself with keeping her slight weight on his lap. Finding himself loathe to let her go, now that he had ahold of her and she seemed so content to stay there.

Maybe she was merely delirious. Maybe she’d regret allowing him this tomorrow. But for now…

His silent musings were broken by her soft voice. “Thank you. Or maybe I should say, who should I be thanking? Are you Victor the CEO or Victor the Souvenir chef right now?”

He blinked down at the dark crown of her head. “I’m…” He hesitated, and felt foolish for having to even do so. “Neither. Just Victor.“

“Ah.Well, then thank you, ‘Just Victor’.” Her lips quirked in an impish smile he could just see as she tipped her gaze up to meet his. “And maybe you can do a favor for me.”

“What’s that?”

“Tell ‘Victor the CEO’ he’s a bully. And a tyrant. A veritable bespoke-clad despot,” she said, that infuriating little grin still curving across her face.

Is that all?” he asked dryly, his eyes narrowing peevishly. “Don’t hold back now, by all means.”

“No.” She let her mischief slip away and held his eyes pointedly, though he’d have been powerless to look elsewhere regardless. “Tell him…he needs to smile more. And mean it.”

One of her fingers poked lightly at his cheek and he caught it, stifling the urge to press his lips to her fingertip. Settling instead for folding his own around it as he chose his words cautiously, feeling as if he were tiptoeing across a minefield. “And ‘Victor the Souvenir Boss’, is there something I should convey to him?”

“Yeah. He needs to respond to his damn reviews.” She laughed softly, as if her own joke was the funniest thing, and the sound curled up carefully beneath his sternum and made itself at home. Squeezing all the remaining space from his ribcage.

"You’re silly. And an idiot. A great, grand fool.” Harsh words but he couldn’t help the laugh of his own that slipped in between them, warming the syllables to something like a caress.

He wanted to offer her roses, so very desperately. Perfumed words and all the softness she so rightly deserved, until his chest nearly ached with the desire to.

But he was a creature made of thorns, and he didn’t dare to bloom.

Not when petals were so easily crushed.

She only burrowed tighter against him, a small triumphant smile on her face. As if she’d just unraveled some grand mystery. “Maybe I am. And maybe you’re a great, heartless beast. But you’re here. That has to mean something. Maybe neither of us is quite what the other says we are.”

The strands of her hair spilled through his fingers like a rivulet of dark water as he brushed some away from her cheek.“And…what about ‘Just Victor’? Is there anything you want to say to him?” he finally dared to ask.

She wriggled closer, the tip of her nose brushing against the vee exposed by his open collar, and he prayed she couldn’t hear or feel how his heart was bruising itself against his ribs. “Mm. He smells nice.” Her words were a soft warm feather, ghosting across his bare skin. “ And…he has beautiful eyes. Kind eyes, when he thinks no one can see. But I see him.”

He swallowed thickly, and stopped fighting the way his arms wanted to wrap tighter about her. Counted out measureless breaths as she slowly melted against him. “You do, do you?”

“Yes. Because…I love…”

It was barely more than a sigh, and he strained his ears, waiting without daring to so much as exhale for her to finish the sentence. Every moment feeling like an eternity. “You love…?” he prompted, when the silence drew out unbearably thin, sharp edges waiting to cut him at a single wrong move.

The lace of her lashes fluttered against her cheeks at his faint question, but she didn’t open her eyes. “I love…congee…”

He snorted a sound of disbelief at her sleepy rambling, irritated with himself for the disappointment that plucked so keenly at the back of his breastbone. “Idiot.”

But he didn’t bother this time to halt the urge to lean down and press his lips to her fevered forehead, pausing as the wisp of her bangs tickled his nose. Lingering in the moment where she suffused all of his senses, until duty called him back to the world and he settled her gently back against the pillows.

“Rest well.” He folded another kiss into the slack palm of her hand, as if it would hold the warmth of his lips until she awoke, before relinquishing it and turning to gather his jacket. Slipping noiselessly from her apartment on reluctant feet.

The corridor outside was empty as he waited for the elevator, checking his phone and messages absently until the ding of its arrival drew his head up, and he caught sight of himself in the mirrored, polished doors.

He bit his lip against the smile he saw threatening, but it still found a way to cling stubbornly to the edges of his eyes, reflected back at him…and an uncomfortable truth nestled itself inside his heart as he stepped through the open doors and punched the button that would take him back to work. Back to reality.

Back to a day woefully bereft of her.

It could be pruned, and it could be shaped. But the briar had no say in when it flowered after all.

[imagi77]

The Black Knight ~ ‘Why?’

It was a time when the Spring breeze was ending its peaceful route. It had been a months time, and it was a tricky time… for a mystery had unraveled during that month. It was on some nights when he wished very much to keep his ward from harm, even as her friendships grew stronger… especially toward one Gryffindor named Neville Longbottom.

Word wormed through that someone had found a way into the school, with a mind to assassinate the Headmaster. With this entailing to something entirely leering, Prince had sessions with the daughter to strengthen her shared gift of Legilimency. It meant that the Dark Lord had somehow passed his protections, as a means to get to him in order to get to her.

That meant that he was aware of their bond.

There was a breach one night and the girl had grown so headstrong. Due to a Slytherin’s moronic decision, the breach was triggered by him heading into the woods which brought Lyra there in an effort to bring him back. This was not about to end well.

“Draco, proving yourself as a prefect out here won’t be worth it~ We need to go back!” she begged in a hushed voice.

“Then why’d you follow me? Trying to prove to Da that it’s worth it then? Besides, I only wish to see if its true. About the unicorns…”

“You. Are. Impossible, you know that? Just come back… please? Before Prince has a —“ Lyra froze when a branch snapped ahead of them.

“What was that?”

“I dunno…” Draco swallowed.

“Come on, this isn’t a game. We can get killed out here,” she urged.

The trees were as tall as giants, looming down at them before they came upon a dead glen where a pool or white laid shrewn across the cold ground. The two were smacked with what they hoped was a vision, of a dead unicorn with some sort of shadow gnawing at its throat… Draco dropped the lamp that he had and screamed… running off quick as the girl who was by his side froze… Whatever that was looked up at her with a fierce snarl with silver liquid dripping down from its chin.

Lyra was terrified and soon enough the shadow lunged. She ran quick nearly falling from the root before an array of loud bangs shot behind her, striking trees and the ground as she dodged. With her wand, she screamed EXPELLIARMUS and caused it to fly off. She managed to hide amidst one of the tree boles… With the only spell she knew, she shot back to keep what it was away but it was getting tiresome…

“LYRA!?” cried a voice that she prayed of hearing tonight. She turned to see that dark cloak in mid air, striking that purple drape fully, throwing it aside. Prince appeared as soon as he landed, blocking a green lit spell, who only locked eyes on the enemy.

“DOWN! KEEP YOURSELF DOWN!” he ordered, in a voice so outraged and grated that she dared not disobey.

A battle ensued and when one rock flew into the air, it struck her full on the head, causing her lights to go out in an instant.

That shadow was struck hard by his own enchanted lightning bolt! But in its own likeness it flew off into the dingy darkness of the terrible forest. His untamed heart remained keen and ready until the flashing light died off, leading him to sight a limb form lying still upon the cold, damp ground. Prince’s blood ran completely cold, his heart beat tremendously loud as that all too familiar sorrow began to overwhelm him. It flashed before his eyes, as tears overtook them, the vision of his lost friend, shrewn on the floor like a ragdoll.

With his breath caught, he swept over to her, encasing her body under his cloak, protectively, like a wing. Lyra's hearing was dim and her temples throbbed like no miracle. The air thundered before she felt a strong presence over her, shielding off something unforgiving.

“I’m here, my love…” she heard a whisper, as soft as silk. “I’m here…”

Opening her eyes, she saw her Guardian by her side, slowly taking her into his arms, gingerly. Seeing her show him a precious sign of life let him to let his breath go in intense relief. She saw that his eyes were sparkling.

“… sir, I—“ she struggled, remembering what just happened. “… I tried to, but he wouldn’t listen to me.”

“Why did you… deliberately … Disobey me…?” he growled, breaking up no matter how much he fought it. “Why?”

“I’m sorry…”

“You would have been — When I tell you to remain in the border, you STAY there. If I lose you… If. I. Ever . . . lose you!”

“I didn’t mean to…”

Prince never felt so frightened during these horrible few seconds of seeing dear Lyra in such a way. For a desperate moment as he felt his heart break, Prince held her close and tight to him, vowing to never let her go again. Words could not describe the Love he had for her. He almost lost himself entirely but the only mark she had earned from her disobedience was a small cut near her temple from a stray stone.

“Look at me,” he soon gathered enough wit within himself to keep his voice firm enough. As if handling glass, he got a good look at her cut. Wiping a drop of blood away, he took his wand in hand, and swept over it as he sang out ~ Episky… and the wound was softly healed up.

“I am taking you home…” the man tenderly stated, and he lifted her up, flawlessly, while scanning the forest. Not a soul was with them. That beast vanished, without a trace.

[bittersweetmelxdy]

Okay so since requests are open 👉👈 I was wondering if you could do an MC/Victor thing based off of the post MC can write after Gavin’s Film Studio date when Victor asks what happened and for MC to call him. Sorry if this is super vague/confusion!!

Finally I’m getting around to the backlog of my requests, I hope you like this! :)

Title:  I’m only one call awayPairing: Victor x MCWords: 1529

Not two minutes had passed since you had posted your moment on your social media when you received the strangest response. Victor had simply commented ‘What happened? Call me.’ So intrigued to unravel the mystery that was Victor, you pressed call, expecting to go straight to voicemail. To your surprise Victor answered after the first ring, as if he had been waiting for your call.  

“What happened?”

“Victor I’m fine, you don’t need to-“  

“I asked what happened. “ Victor’s voice interrupted you, his tone not giving you an excuse to argue.  

You huffed before answering slowly, trying not to anger him any more than he already is, “I had a bit of a stalker issue…”

“You had a what?!” for the first time in your life you could hear the panic in Victor’s voice.  

“Victor it’s fine, Gavin was there and he sorted it…”

“I didn’t ask who was there.” Victor sounded like he was sulking.  

“Victor, I wonder why you ask me to call you in the first place if you were just going to interrupt me every sentence.”

“I just—I-I mean I… do you need me to pick you up?” you were stunned into silence at hearing the great Victor stutter, and for the first time since you had known him, ask a question so softly and with such uncertainty.  

The silence stretched between you and the only thing you could hear was the faint tapping of Victor tapping his pen against his desk. You sighed softly and a slight smile blossomed on your face despite how shaken you were.  

“If you aren’t too busy, I would love for you to come get me.” You said softly, relishing at how Victor’s breathing hitched at the word “love”.  

He huffed to seem nonchalant and replied “If you insist, I’ll be there in front of your set in 10 minutes.” you snorted softly and hung up the phone, shaking your head as you lowered your phone to your side.  

You looked out the glass doors, facing the road, and a slight shiver ran through your body, as you stared out into the darkness, your fear causing the innocuous shadows to appear sudden and twisted. You frowned and wrapped your arms around your frame, and started when your heard someone approaching behind you. Spinning around quickly with a small yelp, you came face to face with a concerned Gavin.  

“Hey, it’s just me.” Gavin kept his voice soft and gentle as he could see you were still in fear.  

“Oh Gavin, I’m sorry- I just-“ you sighed and leaned against the glass panel next to the door, “I guess I’m probably a bit more scared than I thought I was.” you laughed weakly waving your hand to hopefully wave off his worry.

Gavin crossed his arms and shifted his weight onto one foot, “Its fine, you went through something traumatic, it’s okay to still be a little jumpy, just know the actual danger has been taken into custody.”  

You sighed and closed your eyes in relief, your hand resting lightly on your chest where you could feel your heartbeat racing under your clothes. You opened them slowly and lowered yourself down to sit on the floor, not caring about the cleanliness of the building and you patted the floor beside you for Gavin to sit, however he stayed standing.

“Do you want me to give you a ride back?” he asked you whilst staring out into the darkness.

“No, it’s okay Victor’s coming to get me.”

“That’s good at least you’ll be-” Gavin head whipped to face you “-VICTOR, as in CEO ‘I’m only looking out for my investment’ Victor?”

The corners of your mouth quirked upwards at how Gavin described Victor, “I guess he’s not so bad if he’s willing to come get me from the set so late at night.”

Gavin huffed, but said he was just leaving for a minute to check on the suspect, and for you to stay put as you’d be safe inside. Although he wasn’t happy about this Victor guy coming to get you, he was happy you had at least shown a shadow of a smile since the incident, and he walked off with a slight lightness in his step.

You drew your knees up to your chest and crossed your arms over them, resting your head against your arms to create a small safe cocoon for yourself. Breathing deeply, you tried to dispel the lingering cold feeling of terror that seemed to be looming over you like a black shadow its cold tendrils licking at your limbs threatening to pierce into your safe haven. You had just managed to get your breathing to a regular rhythm, when you heard footfalls, very different to Gavin’s, and the dark shadow of fear pounced upon you. The footfalls were desperate, heavy and loud, and you curled tighter into yourself, your fingernails digging into your arms, praying that whoever it was wouldn’t hear you. A hand touched your shoulder and you screamed, moving backwards, arms shielding your face and tears leaking from your eyes.

“No, stay back! Please-”

“It’s me, calm down, it’s me Victor.” Victor’s voice was loud to cut over your screams but although it was firm, you could hear the warmth in his voice towards you.

Trembling you lowered your arms and peeked at Victor, on one knee in front of you and looking back you couldn’t believe the man in front of you was actually Victor that day. The man who was always immaculate, not a speck of dust on him, was sweating like he’d run the whole way, panting from exertion, and his hair and clothes dishevelled. Seeing your lowered defences, Victor smiled softly at you and carefully drew you into his arms. You stiffened at first but once Victor’s strong arms wrapped around your waist, the feeling of safety washed over you, your tears came gushing out as you wrapped your arms around him, vice grip on his shirt. Victor pushed your head into his shoulder and whispered soft comforts into your ear as he rubbed his hand up and down your back gently to soothe you.

“Do you want me to take you home?” he asked warmly, laughing lightly as you nodded quickly into his shoulder.

Victor, knowing you were in no position to walk, stood up and carried you in a reverse piggyback, allowing you to hide your tear-stained face in Victor’s shoulder and cling to him unashamedly. He strolled determinedly through the building, not even sparing Gavin a glance as he passed by him, and only stopped when he reached his car. Opening the door and gently lowering you into the passenger seat, Victor carefully pried your hands from their vice grip on him, and placed them in your lap. After getting into the car himself, he watched your trembling hands buckle your seat belt, nodding when you glanced at him shakily.  

The drive to your apartment was quiet, you were too scared to say a word and Victor didn’t want you to exert yourself in your state. However at a red-light he noticed your hand clenched so tightly on your lap that your knuckles were turning white. Slowly, so as not to startle you, Victor rested his large hand atop yours and gently unfurled them before turning your hand over and lacing his fingers with yours. He watched your bright eyes widen with surprise as you looked from him to your clasped hands, glad to finally see a different emotion other than fear in your eyes, Victor flashed a soft smile at you and flicked your forehead with his other hand,  

“Dummy, don’t hurt yourself.”

Usually you would have fired back a quick remark at him, but today all you could manage was a weak huff and you faced forward. Victor sighed as the light turned and wondered when he’d get his spitfire back.  

At the junction before your apartment building Victor felt a soft thud against his shoulder and out of his peripheral vision he saw that you were resting your head against his shoulder. Only when he pulled up outside your building did he realise you had fallen asleep, when he tried to detangle himself from you, he was surprised to see your grip on his hand tighten and a frown marred your features.  

“Victor… Don’t leave… me alone.” You murmured softly in your sleep.  

Victor felt like he had been electrocuted, not only did you feel safe enough around him to fall asleep, but you wanted him to stay! He muffled a laugh so as to not wake you and squeezed your hand back, noticing that the action calmed you down considerably.  

“Idiot, I’m not going anywhere, you won’t ever be alone again.”

Victor watched a serene smile grew on your face at his whispered words and he changed the cars course for his house. He still had work to finish off, but there was no way he was leaving you alone tonight. Not when he was there to keep you safe and sound.

[thewayshefeels1]

A letter I never sent

 I hate you because I feel ripped, stripped, and defective. You discarded me and threw me away. I remember the last time we spoke, do you? You never stick to your word so I don’t know why I believed you’d keep your promise. They mean shit to you but everything that ever came out of your mouth, I took seriously. I guess at least one of us did. You said you’d keep in touch; you would check in. You deleted your Instagram, or just blocked me. When I saw, it made me sad. It’s probably for the best, so I can’t stalk you. It forces me to “move on” or whatever. You said you’d call… why haven’t you? I worry about you, but I bet you couldn’t give two shits about what I’m doing right now. I’m sure you have a new girl. I wonder what she looks like? What’s her name, how you met? Do you tell her about me? Your “crazy” ex? You’re not the type to stay single for long, even though you said the opposite when I met you, but that was just another lie. Figures. It sucks because I doubt you give a damn about my existence. I hoped I’d be over you by now, but we know how that goes. I want to see and talk to you so bad, but I wonder what you’d do or say. I feel like I’m in rehab, detoxing from a drug, you. It’s painful, slow and torturous. I never want to get into another relationship again. I just broke up with my last boyfriend…. mostly because it was unfair to him, as I was thinking of you the entire time. Breaking up with him was a piece of cake compared to you and even after our break up, I’m still more upset about you. It’s weird honestly… the thought of never seeing you again. I know it’s for the best but when I imagine never hearing your voice or touching you again… let’s just say I can’t. To accept it would destroy me. I’m always [secretly] hoping I run into you. I know you don’t miss me but I miss you so much. If you were dead I would slit my throat just to be with you again if that’s what it took. I make myself sick when I see how obsessed I am. You’re not a good person. You made me feel so small and your words are ingrained on my soul forever. I can’t forget them or what you did to me. You said you would call…

I have no clue if you will receive this and if I decide to give this to you, it will turn into a long ass letter that will force me to contemplate my poor choices. A year ago today we had our picnic in the park. I remember standing at the top of some cliff with your arms around me. There was a gentle breeze and we took photos that I looked pretty good in. I remember playing you songs that reminded me of you and feeling my heart unravel since they could speak to you in ways I couldn’t. My grandma gave you sauce and I recall you admitting you don't like sauce so it was funny watching you eat it. I can’t remember shit yet everything I experienced with you is unforgettable. It fucks me up since a huge part of me wants to erase the memories because they sting whenever they flash by. I was telling my friend the other day that being with you was like being in one of those romantic comedies. I used to eat those up in high school, like all girls. We all wish for that "notebook" sort of love. We all know it's made up; nor realistic to expect that "meant to be" crap. But I had moments with you, where I felt that fantasy unfold. So why am I writing this you may ask? I'm not trying to nestle my way back into your life. The wisest part of me hopes your eyes never read these words. A week ago, I had a huge moment of weakness and went to your house. I know that sounds stalkerish, but screw it, I'm laying it all on the line. Yes, I drove by your house. I thought I was going to throw up and felt physically sick. I was in your "neck of the woods" and can't deny the idea has never crossed my mind. However, I've been strong and resisted those times. I couldn't this time for some reason. I was feeling somewhat petty and lonely for reasons I shall not get into. It was late and I know I don't have any business bothering you, but I really wanted to see you. Truthfully, I always want to see you. I figured I'd risk the chance of rejection and before you know it, I was outside your house. It was surreal; I had to take five minutes [at least] to recuperate. While debating my life decisions, your mom opened the door. I took a deep breath and went in. We talked for hours. She said I just missed you. Part of me thought “damn it” and the other “thank god”. It's been almost a year since I've seen you yet I felt right at home. When I hugged your mom and sister I never wanted to let go. Your mom explained all that's happened in the past few months and I didn't want to show it bothered me. I told my friend I won't let anything happen to you and nobody can hurt you. I said I'd kill anyone who tries to harm you and they'd have to go through me first. He asked why I care so much and I don't know, I don't want to care. It sucks when all you want to do is move on. I'm sorry for what you've been through. I mean it when I say I pray for you all the time. I wish nothing but what’s best for you. You may think that's full of shit, or I'm just trying to sound all "goody goody" but if that was the case, why would I be going through all this trouble? Unless I was some sort of manipulative psycho (you may say that's debatable) but I swear I'm not. Maybe a bit out my mind but not psychotic. Life has taught me a lot of things, and this last year has been one hell of a ride. Sometimes I wish we never met, that is very harsh but true. Please hear me out. Half of the time I believe you were the greatest thing that ever happened to me. If this is hard to hear (or read rather) please know this is unbelievably painful to write. Losing you was the most painful loss in my life. Losing my father was tough. But it was like ripping off a Band-Aid. I miss my dad all the time. I'm not saying it was easy, no way. He was the first male love of my life. But he was sick my whole life. Part of me feels like I never really knew him-the true him. It's complicated. My dad was the only man I truly know loved me, the real me. (Again don't get pissed) His death was expected. You never really know how to lose a person. You can plan for it all you want, but you're never truly prepared. My dad is gone and I accept that. He is my guardian, my guide, I see him in every kind person I meet, in every nice encounter I have and whenever I feel love. He protects me and has saved me many times. I know we'll meet again. But you on the other hand. I wasn't ready when you came into my life. Our relationship was turbulent. Losing you was EXCRUCIATING. It still is. I haven't accepted it. When my therapist says that I'll never see you again, I can't face it. I'm in . You're still alive. Which is great, but nothing is worse than grieving the loss of someone who is still living. You're left wondering, hoping. Every time I'd get a call after the last time we talked, i'd wish it'd be you. Every time I'd walk by your friend’s house up the block and I'd see a silver car, I'd wish it'd be you. I'd always hoped I'd run into you. I'd always be disappointed because I'd worry I'd never see you again and this is something I couldn't come to terms with. Is it really over? No it just can't be I'd tell myself. Knowing you're out there, and not knowing at the same time what you're doing kills me. But I told myself “you have to be strong. You have to practice what you preach”. 10:15PM I've come to the conclusion this will take forever and a day to write. It may never end! There will be no conclusion, no ending. It will just go on forever and be a never ending love note to you so that way I have an excuse to not give it & stop myself. Our paths cannot cross. CAN NOT. Do you know why? I cannot survive round 2. I would not make it out alive. I would never be able to live through losing you again. It was the worst, absolute worst, most heartbreaking thing that has happened to me. That night, the last night in the Friendly’s parking lot, when you drove away, you drove away with a piece of me I will never get back. I wanted so badly to scream to not drive away, to drive after you. Between that moment and now, a part of me remains hollow. It sucks because only you have it, the chunk of my heart or whatever fills the gap. Only you can appease this ache, but only you can cause it too. I don't mean to put all the blame on you. I'm not making you responsible for all my suffering. I chose to stay; condoned behavior and enabled. Although I don’t believe in that meant to be crap, I do believe our paths crossed for a reason. I did not by any means choose to fall for you. When I fell, I fell hard, face first. Face planted.  with say in the matter. It scared me to death. Not half to death, to death. Yet meeting you was what I expect moving to a new city is like, refreshing, exciting, thrilling, and although you're anxious/nervous, you hope it'll work out. You act like you know what you are doing. There's mysterious and curiosity, a sense of beauty… I'm getting ahead of myself here, I'm pretty sure I've told you all this. I hope the thoughts crossed your mind even once as to what's been going on in my life the last 4 seasons. If not no big deal I'll fill you in anyway. Only reason I say I hope is because I'll feel 5% less pathetic if you've thought of me once or twice within the last 11 months. As you may remember in August I was hospitalized. On the 19th after work one day I'm not sure what set me off. I know I was feeling depressed about our breakup but also my TMS treatments weren't working and so I overdosed. My mom found me unconscious in my bed the next morning. Apparently she called my aunt and when I was unresponsive they brought me to the ER. I was in Brookhaven for two weeks. 12:15PM Time’s going by and it’s nice because I’m feeling less of an urge to contact you. It’s freeing because now that I’m thinking about it… I’m thinking of you a lot less lately. Lately meaning these last couple of days. Is that a slap in the face? We all want to be adored, admired, to be the center of somebody’s life right? Well sorry if that hits a sore spot but I think it’s because I’ve been distracted the last week. I’ve been working out a lot more than usual, probably to the point of obsession. It’s not healthy but I love working out because I get to take my mind off things, off life for a while. Even for an hour is so…relieving? I’ve been listening to your friends song “illusion” quite a heck of a lot on Spotify. I first heard it on Facebook. I’ve listened so much I’ve gotten quite bored with it, although I still listen a lot. It’s very good. I added it to my favorites and memorized the words. Not because he’s your friend, frankly I could care less, but because it’s beautiful. The song reminds me of you a lot actually.I'm walking past your friend’s house now ...what’s his name, Nick? I always have this false hope for your car. Every time I pray your Kia will be outside but never is. Even though it's been plenty of times... I've never stopped looking, hoping for you. And every time I’m right at that corner I see the dealership and just stare like some nut job. Whenever I take a walk and pass by franklin Avenue. Do you know what or where that is? Of course not. You don't but that was one of the last places I ever saw you. The first time we broke up was on that street, on New Year’s/Eve we went there and I sucked you off plenty of times there too. Ring a bell? So much time passed between us but all it takes is one second to take me back... to the first second and third time when I kissed you, it still sends shivers down my spine. I never knew that one night in July would be the last time I'd see you. I knew it had to be. But part of me hoped it wouldn’t. Like an itch I've been desperately reaching for, dying to scratch. So why did u do it? Or better yet why didn't you? Why didn't u fight for me? U say u did but frankly that's bullshit. We fought but mostly for ourselves. I fought for peace of mind and you fought for power. Almost a year and u never came back for me. And I hate u for it. You did the right thing by obeying my/my mom’s wishes but I hate myself mostly, for waiting. It must be good to know that I'm still holding on. Holding on to letting go. All these months, days, seasons have gone by and I've never stopped holding out for you. Every time my phone would ring and I wouldn't recognize the number I'd pray to god it was you. Deep down I knew it wasn’t so I wouldn't get my hopes up. Last time we talked you said you'd call in a month or so. You never did. It KILLED me. I thought u moved on. So I tried to as well. But I never quit wondering why? Did you not care? Because not for one minute did I ever quit loving you. Do you recall one of the first things you said to me in December over the phone? We didn’t speak for 4 months and do you remember what you said? “It’s my birthday in 2 days” I wondered why the hell did I call? Probably because my inhibitions were low and I was tipsy but that’s beside the point. It gave me the perfect excuse to call; so I could blame it on the alcohol. My heart sank because I already knew first of all, I hadn’t forgotten your birthday. How naïve can you be? I asked myself. When we got off the phone I was proud of my decision to not be with you. But then the ache came back, weeks, months later. Did I miss you? Or did your absence give me enough time away just to miss your ghost? To create this image of someone in my head who I always hoped you’d be? I always asked that question-did I love you? Or did I love who I thought you could be? Because frankly, the man in front of me was disappointing. Saying he missed my sex when I missed everything – holding hands, your presence, looking at you from the passenger seat, you being a pain in the ass but MY pain in the ass, rolling my eyes at you, your weird voices and dumb things you would do to try & get me to laugh and sometimes I’d fake laugh but at the end of the day, I never met anyone like you. I would've stuck around you know. I would've stayed through it all and I wish I could be there for you now. Hugging you tight to help you get through this, so that you're not alone. I wanted to be your partner in crime. I wanted it to be us. When I think about you, so many times I'll just close my eyes. My heart will hurt & I'll feel this longing that I can't help but wonder if you feel me too? Could you ever possibly be thinking of me the same time I'm thinking about you? Does that one moment bring us back together again? I always thought what I'd do if I ever saw you again, what I'd say, how I'd feel and react. I can't imagine it. I've played so many scenarios over in my head but I don't think I can do it. I think I'd pass out and I've never fainted before. Yesterday my therapist told me I’d probably shit myself & to not risk it [ha-ha]. I was listening to a podcast which said if a person from your past isn't in your life anymore then they don't exist in your present reality. That made me sad and reject the idea. After I was released from the hospital I was put into an adult partial hospitalization program at Mather in the fall. I changed my number and I was determined to move on with my life. This letter may never make its way to you and that's the only reason I'm saying this, is about to get real. Think of it as the story of our relationship and my life up to this point. During our relationship I became very ill, mentally and physically. Prior to our relationship I already had emotional issues but I developed severe post-traumatic stress disorder that led me to have night terrors, a cataplectic attack (a form of cataplexy which I thought was a seizure) in my sleep, insomnia, memory and chronic gastrointestinal issues. During my stay in this intensive outpatient program my psychiatrist wanted to put me on high blood pressure medication used for war veterans because of my PTSD. I feel bad telling u this, like it should be some secret, but do u know how miserable the last year has been? I was on so much medication my grandma looked like an Olympic athlete. Once u told me I stress you out so u started smoking cigarettes again. I doubt u even recall this, so go ahead and deny it. But why would I make that up. Why would I make ANY of this up? This is taking me days, weeks to write and u may never even get it? And if u did nobody will see it besides u so who am I trying to fool. You'd tell me I stressed u out a lot. Do you remember half the shit u said to me? I doubt it. But I do. Maybe u didn't mean it when u said nobody will ever love me like you or any other guy besides u would treat me like shit; but the last day I saw you made me so glad it would be the last. Why? You may ask. Because of something you may consider silly or miniscule, but me my friend, for me it was the cherry on top of the big delicious sundae called our relationship. Do you remember asking for a goodbye kiss? It was only a simple sweet kiss goodbye after all? No big deal, I owed it to you anyways you said. But actually I owe you nothing. I still owe you nothing. And my lips belong to me which are on my body which belongs to who you may be wondering? TO ME. So when I told you no, I don’t think it quite registered. You never took that word lightly. Did it bruise your ego? Or did you just assume that since you were my boyfriend you automatically gained this right? Over me, my decisions, my body? For a good 10 minutes or so you convinced me as to why I had to kiss you and sure enough, I gave you what you wanted like I always did, eventually. But I asked you why you’d even want a kiss if it wasn’t freely given and that’s when I knew this was it. Really, I knew before that. It broke my heart when it finally hit me that no matter what, you weren’t going to be it. Do you know how much that sucked? I wanted nothing more for a happy ever after, but it dawned on me that no matter what I did, how hard I tried, nothing I could say would save us, we weren’t going to end up together. It was heartbreaking. You can’t force life into something that must die. Then I started to lose myself. I consider myself to be a kind, loving person and maybe at this point you disagree. But I had this light before we started dating. But by the end of our relationship though, that light was gone. I turned cold, towards you, towards everyone but most importantly, towards myself. I tried to be nice I really did. But the last month or so I couldn’t pretend. When I saw myself disregarding your feelings, treating you how you treated me (more or less) I knew there was a big issue. Despite all the worlds thrown at me, I’ve rarely used my circumstances as an excuse to treat people like shit. In this moment are you thinking “what did I even do? Why are you making me out to be a monster? I wasn’t so bad, it was you!” Good question. And if I think you’re such a dick, then why do I even bother? Even BETTER question, glad you asked!Thing is, I don't think you're the scum of the earth. I see the good in you. I recognize your shortcomings. We all have flaws. Due to our past/present circumstances, we can spread light or stay in darkness. I'm writing you because I believe in you. Is that reassuring or does that just piss you off? When I first met you, you sparked a fire deep within me; you made me see the positive. You made me laugh, you made me cry (tears of joy) I had faith in my dreams; I wanted to be the best I could be. Isn't that the point of it all? Of a relationship? To encourage each other, inspire & motivate each to do more, be more? Aspire to learn and reach for the stars? To accept each other where u are now but strive for better because you know there's endless potential; there's no limit to what u can do... that's what I hoped for my life. But after a while, I just felt bad. In general & about myself. All I wanted was please you. My whole world, my whole life revolved around you. It's not supposed to be like that. I felt alone, isolated. I was being accused of shit I didn't deserve; I felt I had to hide things for no reason. Ultimately, I was afraid of you. Did you get off on intimidating me? I thought I was going insane. Part of me figured if I could grant your every wish, then things would get better. But after that didn't work, I switched gears. If I could solve all YOUR problems then our problems would be solved. I concentrated my time and energy on your garbage so I didn't have to take out my own trash. For a while maybe things would be calm. But half the time I didn't know who you were. Were you this sweet, fun loving, charismatic guy, or this jealous, possessive manipulator who acted more like a dictator than a partner? Only bringing on the charm when you wanted demands obeyed. Need an example? Once I got home from my eating disorder program & was feeling really sick. It was when my stomach problems began and you wanted to see me. I was scared of telling you I couldn't hang because I was nauseous but didn't want to be reprimanded. But in group we were learning how to assert ourselves and I figured part of dating is being honest... well did I have to deal with the consequences. You complained about how I don't care or else I'd make time to see you and if I liked you as much as you liked me...yada yada. I would probably understand if you couldn't chill. You'd put words in my mouth constantly. I'd be blamed and guilted for almost everything, let's be real. It was too much. Call me a shitty girlfriend if you want but I tried. Just don't say one thing then do another. It's not right. It wasn't until I was single for a while that I learned being called a "fucker, bitch, dick" by your significant other ISN'T okay. I have the right for space; I have the right to disagree. Relationships are 50:50. I know you know that, you've probably been in more than me but ours was the only one that really mattered (to me) If you want something to work you have to work with the person. Not say "if you loved me you would..." or do something hurtful then say "just kidding" cause if that was the case then our whole relationship was a joke to you. But it wasn't to me. When you love someone you love them despite the fact they're not pleasing u Day in day out. I want love the way I love my cat. It's unconditional. Hear me out...he doesn't necessarily know I love him. He may or may not love me but I DON'T CARE. I love him regardless. He does nothing for me. I tell him I love him and does he say it back? No. He doesn't have to. I say because I mean it, no expectations. You can do something just because you want to, without asking anything in return. It's called selflessness. That's how I wanted our love to be. That's how I tried to love you. I felt your love at times, but mostly in times of tragedy. When I'd feel I was about to lose you & you were about to lose me. Is that what it's going to take for us to not be at war with each other? Someone shouldn't have to slip out of your hands for you to hold tight to them. I needed you to listen to me when I talked to you. Not sit there and not speak but actually hear me. I wanted to know you. Understand YOU from your toes to the top of your head. All of you. But it was destroying me. Did you not see it? Could you not tell or did you just not care? If you can honestly say you didn't notice I was NOT fine then I will take it all back. But how could you say when I needed to be hospitalized in March "how are you doing this to me?" I was on my deathbed and all you could think was about you. You said this in tropical smoothie so don't say I'm full of it. It's not all on you though trust me. I played a big part. I hardly ever put my foot down. I did to the best of my ability. But I lost my voice when I was with you. I felt so unworthy, so lucky to have you that whatever scraps you threw my way I'd gobble up. I'd rather have the worst parts of you than nothing at all. Even if it broke me. I should've set more boundaries; I shouldn't have been such a martyr. I thought if I pleased you, if I sacrificed myself enough then maybe you'd eventually see for once and for all that I gave a fuck. But is that really love? No. That's unhealthy, toxic codependency. Me trying to get you to fill a void inside because I felt so low about myself. That's daddy issues I need to fix. And I am working on my problems. I go to therapy, constantly looking at the skeletons in my closet because I don't want it to be like that anymore. You inflicted pain on me and I thought I deserved it. Masochism is not sexy. I know better now. I'm not perfect by any means. I never will be-none of us are. But I'd like to think I'm not a doormat. I like myself a lot better when I'm honest. Other people seem to like it too. It's more attractive to be transparent anyway. I have needs, wants and desires and if you can't meet them then I'll do it myself. I know what I will and won't stand for. As the saying goes "if you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything". I take responsibility for not standing up for myself, for smiling when I felt like screaming. After all, how were you supposed to know I was unhappy if I was acting happy all along (to an extent)After I saw youSo I wrote this whole thing before today. It’s ironic how life works. I was just taking a walk & decided to go a different route. I was listening to this song thinking OF YOU and I see a silver KIA. My heart drops. I hold my breath because it looks like it was in the driveway of this kid I went to school with or your friend. Then I got closer and saw the infamous HAY and was like holy fuck what do I do holy mother of god just keep walking. I turned the corner stammering and tripped on the sidewalk, smooth. I was talking to myself like some maniac and didn’t know what to do. Do I turn around? Do I call someone? Scream? Stop walking and sit on the side of the road. But you came back. You came back for me. Yes that boosted my ego a bit knowing you cared. Don’t think I didn’t see that hand over the face side look you gave. Seeing you was probably similar to when people first see a meteor shower, or a shooting star for the first time… WOAH. But I did better than I thought?! I expected vomiting some defecating and possible hospitalization from a severe panic attack. All within a span of 24 hours I’ve – gotten rejected, got told by my therapist she’d no longer be taking me as a client, possibly fired, gotten a Brazilian wax, got a huge tube stuck up my vagina and chunks of my cervix removed, and now saw you. What a day. There was so much I wanted to say. I don’t know why I invited you inside, I have to pretend I’m over it right? We’re supposed to act all tough and like we’re cool kids who have no feelings. Well sorry, that’s not me. I don’t fit the bill because I can’t put on a mask and just act like nothing ever happened. When I hear his name I think hell, heaven, and everything in between. So I will start to wrap this up the best way that I can [to be honest it’ll still probably be another 3 pages but I want to get this letter to you so I’m trying to hustle] I wish loving you could just be an afterthought. We’ll never be able to turn back time, as much as I want to, as much as I wish I could. But thank god for that though right?! Life sucks and is wild sometimes, maybe a lot of the time. But the people you meet, places you go and the lessons you learn along the way, are invaluable. I did end things with you partly because my mom and largely due to my psychiatric condition. But a big piece of it was because I never felt like I was enough for you. The best parts of me kept falling short, and I couldn’t trust you. I had so much disgust towards myself, towards you, and I felt nothing but contempt coming from your side at times. I sobbed much more than I rejoiced and after a while it got tiring. No matter how badly I wanted to pull you back, rewind wasn’t an option. It wasn’t meant to be. I abandoned who I truly was. You burned holes in me that no man could fill; thank god you did though, because I needed to know how to make myself whole. Today I told you I had a boyfriend. He wasn’t a bad guy. He was just immature but he tried. I broke up with him because he was more a filler. When I was with him I’d be wishing I was with you. It’s not that I didn’t like him, it’s just I knew I’d never want to be anybody’s rebound and he deserved someone who would love HIM. We remain civil and are still friendly. He was somewhat sadistic and had a bad temper. He got pretty hostile and aggressive at times with some jealousy issues. I wouldn’t deal with that so I knew it wasn’t a good fit. Not once during our relationship did I ever stop thinking of you and it drove me mad. You’re very rare. I wish you knew how I see you. I wish I could look at the world through your eyes. I want you to know that you are never alone. That sounds so corny but I promise if you’re ever thinking of me, I’m most likely thinking of you. Not wishing death upon you or whatever. Mainly, I’m saying this to you because I want you to know who I really am. My heart has been empty the last year so I’ve learned how to fill it myself. I want you to know that you can be happy again. I take comfort in writing, dancing, coloring, reading, drawing, yoga, photography. Despite all the world throws at us, it’ll be ok. That’s what I know. It’s not OK & then it is again. Not one of us is to blame. I’ve picked up my phone a million times and tried to dial your number. It has been so long. It’s never easy but it does get easier. The first few months I felt like I was going to die. I wanted to. I told my friends I couldn’t live without you, I don’t want TO. You asked me if I still think about you and the answers obvious. Don’t get a big head now. Sometimes all we have left are memories. Sometimes all were left with is a mess. But it’s up to us to clean up that mess and start again. All we can do is try right? I’m sorry that I tried to change you. We can make the world a better place. All we have to do is start with a single change but the only person we can change is ourselves. We can’t change for anyone; we have to want to change for our own good, our own reasons. You asked if I wanted to talk to you again and of course I do. Like that song by lady gaga “you could give me a million reasons to walk away but all I need is a single one to stay”. I think that’s the words at least I don’t know I don’t listen to the radio. But I can’t watch it end the same. For so long I couldn’t listen to my favorite music, the songs hurt too much because they reminded me of you! It took forever to move on from what went wrong and how we got to where we were. I’m finally at a point in my life where I just let it be. I’ve cried hundreds of tears over you. I got so sick of it. It sounds so cliché. Not cute. I figured eventually I’d have no tears left to cry. Isn’t that what they say? Yes and no. We’re probably better off without each other. I don’t know why everyone hates being single? I mean, I love it. It’s a great time to be selfish and get to know yourself. All I can say is, if you are going to be with somebody, know what you have when you have it. I hope I do. We take people and life for granted too much. You felt so much like a curse, but you too were a blessing. You made me feel this magic I didn’t know was possible. But I can’t forget nights at 3am talking to myself, debating on staying or leaving. You taught me what bravery truly is and to that I say thank you. I know why we had to say goodbye but it doesn’t mean I don’t miss you. I don’t know if I ever will stop missing you. The thing about relationships is it forces you to put your heart on the line. To be courageous since people can wake up one day and change their mind. You’re going to get heartbroken in love. It’s part of life. It can feel like the worst part, like a punishment. But it’s really the best. When you feel sorrow over a lost love, you know you loved deeply. And what’s a greater gift than that? We talk down to people we love too easily because we know they love us, we know they’ll take it. That doesn’t make it alright. It can turn into verbal/mental abuse and abuse is the opposite of love. Abuse isn’t just physical. Physical abuse is often the least painful part. Words are like daggers that leave an imprint on your soul. Playing mind games, becoming tyrannical and robbing our loved ones of emotional nurturing is far worse in my opinion. I’ll end with this – I pray you love without pride ever getting in the way. It’s something I’m working on. Seeing you today threw me for a loop [is that the saying?] No matter where this leads, or where life takes us, when you love, love deeply and fully. I believe I gave you the best of me, the most I could. I’d like to think everybody’s doing the best they can with what they have. I know you have a lot of stored up resentment inside you; a lot of anger. Forgiveness isn’t something you do for someone else; it’s a way of releasing yourself from the prison you create yourself when you harbor rage. It’s a gift you give to the world so that you’re free to love again. Or else you’ll just take it out on those who love you, consciously or unconsciously. This I know to be true. You my friend, are my weakness. You create this chaos in my world I wouldn’t want anywhere else. Leaving you was the hardest decision of my life. You changed me, for better and for worse but mostly for the better. I hope you find what you want someday. Life leads us down roads we don’t know why we’re heading towards, but I believe one day we’ll see why. You are unforgettable. Loving you was a pattern of self-discovery because I always end up learning something new about myself. Pain, suffering, hurt, it’s all part of the human experience. You’re an experience I’ll never forget. It’s all too beautiful to forget, after all

Love, Lauren

[rightfulcaptxin]

Five times + closet (from Philip)

Send me ‘five times + a word’ and I’ll write a drabble about our muses based on it. | Not Accepting | @despxratesouls

This was not how Edward had particularly wanted to spend his afternoon.

He tried, desperately, to seek out any kind of positive from his current situation - he was surrounded by the scent of Philip, which at least was a pleasant smell he rather enjoyed. But did that make up for the cramped position he was forced into? No. No it did not. 

From somewhere deeper in the house, he heard the sound of a door slam. A few moments later, a car engine turned over outside. Then there was the creak of another door, and light steps heading towards him at a brisk pace. With a sigh of relief, the wardrobe door opened, light spilling into the shadows, partially blocked by the lithe figure standing before the now open closet. From his position slumped on the floor, Ed glared up at Philip.

“I am so sorry Ed…” Philip winced, seeing the irritation clear on his partner’s face. He stepped back as Ed extracted himself from the wardrobe, with a lot of grimacing as he stretched out long limbs that had been tucked into what looked like the most uncomfortable position he’d ever seen. “He wasn’t supposed to be back for hours, but he needed something from the home office and-,”

“And god forbid you have a friend over?” Ed snapped, wincing as he rolled his neck. Philip made a deliberate show of looking Ed up and down, gesturing with one hand to Ed’s rather obvious state of undress. 

“My father isn’t stupid, Ed. My friends don’t hang around my bedroom in their underwear.” He paused. “Well, James does, but that’s James.” When Ed merely continued to scowl, Philip crept closer to him and slipped his arms comfortably around Ed’s waist. “I know you hate this, but… it won’t be forever.” He leant up and stole a quick kiss. “I promise. Let me make it up to you?”

“Fine.” Ed muttered, unable to be truly mad at him for long. “But that’s the last time I go back into the bloody closet.”

—

Ed had learned, early on, that carrying a book with him whenever he went anywhere with Philip was always a good idea. Sometimes it wasn’t needed, and remained safely tucked into his bag - or, in situations where he didn’t have a bag, stored on the app on his phone - but, more often than not, it came in handy. 

He sat, comfortably lounged, on one of the chairs in Philip’s spacious bedroom, quite happily invested in the mystery currently unravelling itself within the pages. He was seemingly oblivious to the chaos that was happening before him, as Philip pulled items from his wardrobe, strode over to stand with them in front of his ridiculously large mirrors, only to stride back to dump them on the bed - and then repeat the process.

Ed had been dressed for hours. In fact, he’d been dressed and ready since the moment he’d turned up at the door to pick Philip up. Another thing he had learned was to tell Philip to be ready at least an hour earlier than their reservation. Sometimes two. 

At the huff of exasperation, he lifted his gaze from the book to find Philip standing before his wardrobe, hands on hips. “I have nothing to wear.”

“Philip, darling, you have enough clothes to fill an entire store. That is a physically impossible statement.” He marked his page and set the book down, rising from the chair to stand behind his partner. “What was wrong with the first outfit?” Philip turned his head to fix him with a stare that suggested he’d just grown an extra head. 

“Have you been paying any attention?” Ed merely sighed.

“I’ll go back to my book then.”

—

“Was it easy for you?” Philip kept his head pillowed upon Ed’s chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart, one hand idly tracing patterns upon his skin. “When you… well, when you told people?” Ed’s hand, previously stroking up and down his back as they lay sated and content in the man’s sinfully comfy bed, stilled. 

“You mean when I came out, Philip?” Ed smiled, even though Philip couldn’t see it. He had been wondering when this conversation was come up. “I guess so. I mean… I wasn’t exactly subtle with it before that, so people had already come to that conclusion. So yeah, it was pretty easy. It probably also helped that I didn’t care what people thought anyway. I am who I am, and all that.”

Philip nodded, as best he could in his position, and fell silent in contemplation. Ed’s hand shifted, fingers instead sliding into thick curls, an act that sent a ripple of pleasure down Philip’s spine. A soft hum of content slipped past his lips as his eyes fluttered closed for a few moments. 

“You had family then, right? How did they take it?”

“Well, given that I was a sullen, angry kid with a sharp tongue and issues with authority when they took me in, I think they were just glad I wasn’t punching people anymore.” Ed grinned, and felt Philip laugh against him. He waited a beat, and then shifted to a more serious tone. “They were happy for me. Glad that I could accept who I was, and they accepted me in their turn. Not everyone is your father, you know.”

“I know.” Philip sighed, lifting his head at last. “But that’s the problem. He’s always going to be the problem. He always talks about the plans he has for me, and I know me being gay isn’t one of them. I just… I wish I could just come out and say it, but…” He sighed again, heavier this time, and settled his head back against Ed’s chest. “I’m scared.” Ed soothed him, fingers stroking through his hair, reeling back the frustration and resentment he had for the subject of Philip’s father. It wouldn’t help right now.

“I know, love. I know.”

—

“So, my mom knows.”

Ed looked up from his laptop screen, and stared at Philip for a good thirty seconds before the words registered. Wordlessly he closed the lid of the computer, setting it on the coffee table so he could stand, slowly. Philip stood awkwardly in the doorway, hands in his pockets, and doing his best not to look at him. 

“Well.” Ed said at last. “That’s a step in the right direction.” When Philip still didn’t look at him, Ed felt a spark of worry - he had always assumed Florence would treat him no differently, but what if he was wrong? “I’m assuming you mean about us, yes?” A nod. “Philip, love, use your words. Gods, usually I can’t get you to shut up…”

“She already knew.” Philip extracted a hand to drag fingers nervously through his hair. “She actually said ‘is this about that man of yours’ when I told her I had something important to tell her. She knew.” He finally lifted his gaze, and Ed saw the panic in Philip’s eyes. “What if he knows, Ed? What if…” Ah. There it is.

“Philip, relax. Come here.” He held out his arms, and Philip gratefully sank into them, burying his face into Ed’s neck. “Percival doesn’t know a damn thing, so there’s no need to worry about it. Your mother is incredibly perceptive, and… well, mothers always know this sort of thing. They have a superpower when it comes to their kids. You’d have to bang me on the dinner table for your father to notice.”

“I’m not sure my mother would approve of that.” Philip muttered after a moment, and Ed felt him smile. Mission accomplished. He held him for several more moments, before Philip drew in a deep breath, and pulled back. “I’m going to tell him. No more hiding in that closet. I want to be able to kiss you in public, and hold your hand, and I want you to pick me up for a date without having to schedule it around when my father isn’t home. So… I’m going to tell him, for better or worse.”

—

Standing at the island in the kitchen, enjoying his first cup of coffee of the day, Ed opened up his laptop and clicked onto the news to see what was up in the world that morning. He scrolled through the main headlines, skimming the text as he always did, making mental notes for the day ahead alongside his reading. 

The coffee turned to ash on his tongue when the page scrolled down to the latest celebrity gossip, and he saw his own face in full high-res. His face, attached to Philip’s. He knew at once where the photo had come from. He’d stood on that front step just last night, kissing Philip goodnight after their extended date.

‘You could have stayed with me, y’know. I’d have made you breakfast.’

‘I know, but… I’m going to tell him tomorrow morning. I’ve got it all planned out, Ed. We sit down to breakfast as a family every morning without fail, so I’ll have my mother there as support.’

‘Fine, fine… but, you’ll let me know how it goes, right? A text, a call…’

‘I promise. Now go on, get out of here before I change my mind and come back home with you.’

Ed set down his coffee and darted for his phone, hoping, praying he had a message or a missed call from Philip. Tell me you’ve already told him, Philip. Tell me he didn’t find out from a fucking gossip column. His phone, however, was void of messages of any kind. He immediately called up Philip’s number, and hit dial. 

The phone rang out.

Swearing under his breath, Ed was dressed within two minutes and heading for the door. He tore it open, intending to race across town to the Durant household, hoping Philip was okay. Before he could leave, however, he froze in the doorway, stunned. 

“Hi, darling.” Philip stood on his step, a couple of suitcases beside him. “Got room for one more?”

[dyketectivecomics]

Hey there @cockismybusiness, happy late birf-day bro!

i know i promised Blüdhaven Chronicles would get its 5th chapter, but..... there’s actually SO MANY things i want to revamp on that fic. and also move it over to ao3 where it can get properly tagged and enjoy new life yeah?

so enjoy this little snippet of things to come my dude. and for those of you who might be out of the loop: enjoy catching up on this really old fic that’s been 4 years, 4 chapters, and many many comics in the making. and please be mindful its not reflective of how my writing is now ugh anyways onto the snippet...

...

"I got some tips from Babs about a discrepancy in your universe's Dewey Decimal system," the empath began, nonchalant as she set books along the table and flipped their cork-board around to it's dry-erase twin.

Her movements were frantic, erratic as she prattled on and continued drawing runes with the different dry erase markers in hand. Her calligraphy was impeccable, beautiful and precise as she carefully stopped just short of making complete circles or pentagrams. Green for the letterings, blue for the bindings, red to indicate missing key ingredients. Everything within an easy to understand system they'd developed together.

Dick was beginning to wonder if Raven only liked having those things around for the aesthetic of the investigation, or if she genuinely thought they'd help things along. Or maybe it'd been both.

He hadn't had the chance to press her about it yet, and he wasn't about to interrupt her now to ask. Not with a mouthful of cereal and a brain only half functioning this early in the morning on a couple sips of coffee.

"-And if my theory is right, then we may need to drop everything that we've been doing here and go right to the source. Dick-" She slammed both her hands forcefully on the table after finishing the runes. "-we need to go back to Jump City."

Running a hand down his face, the man considered his next words very carefully before speaking.

"I can't leave this city unprotected. Not for more than a few days, a week at most. And Raven," he tried softening his voice as she frowned openly at his words, "This sounds like a bit of a chase. I don't have time for theories. I need evidence, I need conviction-"

"How's this for your conviction?" She sneered as she flipped the board over once more.

Threads connecting printed out articles and profiles from a couple cases of interest. All of the work they'd been putting into unraveling the mystery of that fateful October night that Raven- Dick's Raven- had disappeared. So much seemed lost, the more his eyes wandered over dead-ends and literal loose threads that littered their case.

It seemed just as impossible to tackle as it had been at the start of this mess.

"I've helped you every step of the way, Dick. I've set aside this case- which is literally the only thing I came to this earth to help you out with- for any number of other ones you've had me on board for. And this is how you're choosing to approach this, when I'm so close to a breakthrough?"

In one violent push, she cleared the table of the very same books she'd been seeking answers from. Dick felt his mouth drop open in shock, wanting to protest and having his words fail him.

"I'm done helping you with all of these insipid cases! I just pray to Azar that you open your eyes, and come to your senses in time." She sighed, and waved him off before he could get a word in as his senses came back to him. "I'm going to Jump. Join me, or stay here with your thumbs up your ass for all I care."

And with a harsh slam of her door, the conversation ended.

And Dick knew, powers or no powers, it'd be best to let her have some space before bringing it up again.

Because if there was one thing Dick Grayson remembered about Raven, she could be scary when she was angry. And that was long before even showing a hint of losing control.

And he'd gotten more than enough of that hint now, when he'd seen her eyes flashing red for the shortest of seconds.

[wildegreenlight]

Crossing (Clarification Ch 2)

A/N: Here it is: the next installment of Clarification. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as the first. I have to give so much love to @callieskye for her beta prowess and to @trademarkblue, @idearlylovealaugh, @remedial-potions, @jenn582, @aloemilk , @theperksofshippingromione, and @azaleablueme   for giving me so much amazing feedback!! I love you all & dream of the day I can become wealthy and buy us that island where we will write fic & have permanent book club discussions and drink cocktails and watch movies and just generally be awesome together.

If you have not read part one, it is HERE.

Every bit of him ached.

He had known, even on that first night, that this might be an epically bad idea, but at the time he hadn’t really cared. Not that he really did now.

That first night it had all been completely unselfish, he had only cared about what she needed, what she wanted. She’d asked him to stay-so he did-it was that simple. If she’d asked him to sleep outside on the sand, he’d have done it without hesitation. The fact that she’d seemed so content sleeping on his chest, tucked securely in the crook of his arm, began to fill that part of him that had been clawed out in Malfoy’s cellar.

He had failed her, again, no matter how many times she tried to assure him otherwise, he knew he had, but it would be the last time. He had chanted it like a mantra inside his head as she slept. He had whispered it into her hair in the moments before his exhaustion overtook his vigil.  He had proclaimed it as boldly as his hammering heart would allow as they walked on the shore after dinner. With each day that passed he grew more and more bold, they both did: it was no longer strange to take her hand as they walked along, to feel her head on his shoulder as they sat on the sofa, to pull her close as they drifted off to sleep.

But, as brave as they had both been, there was still a final step that they were both unwilling to take. It didn’t upset him, didn’t even make him doubt her feelings for him. He knew why he hadn’t been able to do the things his heart, and his body if he were being completely honest, were screaming for him to do.  He could not, would not, give her the chance to misunderstand his intentions. He knew her well enough- hell, he knew her better than he knew anyone, even Harry to know that she was carrying more of a burden than she would ever let anyone know. The last thing he wanted was for her to think that he was only trying to comfort her, or worse, that he only wanted to be with her because he thought they wouldn’t make it through this alive.

So he would wait. As long as he needed to. Gladly.

But

The problem was...the more time that passed, the more looks that she gave him, the more touches they exchanged, the more nights he held her as she slept...the more there was, the more he wanted.

When he had lain in this bed, alone, months ago, he had prayed to Merlin ceaselessly that he could just find her, just see her, just know she was alive, just hold her, just once.  

But he should have known...with Hermione there was no just, it would always be more.

So now he was here, lying in the almost light of dawn with the woman than he loved more than his own life literally, he had proven that to her as well as himself

“You can have me! Keep me!’

In the end, his biggest fear, the one buried so deep that even Riddle’s trinket couldn’t suss it out, had begun to show itself in fifth year. He’d brushed it off at first-the dreams were just a rehash of the Department of Mysteries fiasco-usually with some twist: the brains grabbing Harry and Hermione; Death Eaters hurling Harry and Hermione toward the Veil, the two of them in all manner of mortal peril. The only common thread was that he couldn’t save them...both.

He was sure other people had similar thoughts, in abstraction, but even at 16 he was painfully aware that his fear was in no way theoretical, there was a better than fair chance that one day-in a decreasingly distant future- he would have to make the one decision that he saw no possible way of making.  And, because he was so sure that there was no satisfactory conclusion, he stuffed it far down to the very bottom of his growing list of dreads that were much too adult for one so young.

It had worked, more or less, for a while, but when the Felix had worn off and the awful reality of Bill’s injuries and Dumbledore’s death began to sink in, the old fears came clawing back, gaining in momentum until they were drowned out by that cursed locket. The first night he had spent in this bedroom, alone, when he’d left them, his dreams had been haunted again. This time, however, he couldn’t save either of them. Every nightmare ended with them both dead in that bloody tent with him arriving too late.

Finding them again had been a miracle, and in the afterglow he had let himself believe that Merlin would never be so cruel as to give him such a choice. That all those times he had worried about it were probably pointless.

In a way he had been right. It had been blind of him to not see that his choice had been made. From the moment the Snatchers had grabbed them, he had one goal above all others, to make sure Hermione was safe. He hadn’t had time to process it until much later, kneeling by her bedside as Fleur tended to her injuries. He supposed it should bother him more, knowing that, as much as he loved Harry, and as much as he knew he was the key to saving the wizarding world, that there was no world for him without her in it.

Would he have volunteered to take Harry’s place as quickly as he had hers? Of course, but only if it could guarantee Hermione’s safety as well. It should have been, perhaps, a more shocking revelation, but it didn’t make him feel anything other than peaceful. He had finally unraveled the knot of his heart, layer after layer, until he could lay it out straight...he didn’t just love her, hell, he had a big family full of people he loved, this was something else, something he didn’t quite have a name for, maybe she would, she was always really good with fancy words.

Hermione made him feel things that he had never felt before. He knew it sounded right corny, like something out of one of those Celestina Warbeck songs his mum loved, but it was true. It was the indescribable simultaneous feeling of heaviness and lightness. As he lay there, he was conscious of both sensations: her body pressed into his, filing his heart to overflowing, her breath against the crook of his neck assuring him that he could in fact fly without a broom.

It was a delicious sort of torture, what she was doing to him, what he was doing to her, what they were doing to each other. He let his mind wander, pulling her ever so slightly closer, to what might happen if he just…let go. She wouldn’t push him away if he dropped his head that ultimate last degree and brushed his lips against hers.  She would open her eyes slowly, giving him that look, and every bit of his self control would vanish as he deepened the kiss, rolling her over to…

Fuck...nope..better stop that…

He didn’t know a whole lot about romance, but he was pretty sure waking up to a massive stiffy wedged against your hip didn’t qualify. More than once since they had begun sharing this bed he had been forced to reposition himself to avoid embarrassment.  Good morning, Hermione, oh, sorry, I was just thinking about snogging you into the mattress and...well...whattayasay? I know we haven’t really talked about it but I love you and I may actually go mental if I don’t kiss you. He chuckled softly as he imagined her reaction. He cursed himself as he felt her stir, but any negative thought fled his mind when he found her eyes smiling back at him.

“Hi,” her voice was so soft that if he hadn’t been looking at her, he wouldn’t have been sure he heard her.

“Hi...I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Oh, not at all...did you sleep?”

“Yeah.”

“Enough?”

“Um-hmm,” he wasn’t exactly sure what he was agreeing to, he was currently quite lost in trying to decide if she was more beautiful when she was about to go to sleep, or when she just woke up.

“Good,” she snuggled in to him, “do you mind if we stay put for a bit? I think it’s still rather early.”

“We can stay as long as you like...doesn’t matter if it’s early or not.”

“As long as I like?”

Dear sweet Merlin! She had to know what it did to him when she said things like that!

“Yep. Not one minute before, and not one minute after...I’ll barricade the door if I have to so no one disturbs us.”

“Better make it a strong one, you know how ruthless Fleur can be when it’s time for breakfast.”

“I guess all the Weasley brothers have thing for strong women.”

He had expected her to laugh, or roll her eyes, or maybe even swat him for such a cheeky comment, but instead she looked him very earnestly, “Really?”

He wasn’t exactly sure, was she questioning the fact the she was strong or that he was madly in love with her? Because honestly, he couldn’t see how she could doubt either point. As fun as the banter and the flirting were, he needed her to know that what he said was true.

“Do you seriously not know?” He removed his hand from her waist, bringing it to her cheek.

“Yes, I know...I guess..we haven’t really talked about it, but when we are like this, it seems so simple, but then I’m so used to second guessing,” she sighed, searching for the words.

“I understand...It’s a hard habit to break.”

“I am trying...and you’re making it easier that it has ever been,” the color rose slightly in her cheeks, but she didn’t look away, “I hope I’m doing the same for you.”

He nodded at her, a bit too overcome to speak for the moment, because the most wonderful part of all this was that all of the things that he thought he would never be able to tell her, not only could he, but she seemed to want to tell him the same things. All this time.

“You are, but sometimes,” it was easier for him, but still not that easy.

“It just seems too good to be true?”

“Yeah.”

“And you think...what if I say too much?”

“What if I say too little?”

“What if,” but whatever words were coming after that were trapped as Ron pressed his lips to hers. All the “what ifs” and second guesses were snapped out like boggarts by a flurry of gentle kisses.

They sighed into each other, kisses and hands growing delicately bolder. As much as he had imagined this moment, played it over and over in his mind, a million scenarios of varying believability, the reality was infinitely better. She was really here, kissing him back, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. How had he ever held out this long? How had he lived this many years without...Bloody Hell! Her tongue! Was it possible for your heart to burst from just a kiss?  Although he already knew, with Hermione it was never “just” anything.

If he thought he was going to go mental from wanting to kiss her, that was nothing compared to how actually kissing her was going to affect him. Speaking of affecting, you better slow down before you show her more of the Weasley charm than she’s ready for. Slowly, Ron pulled back just enough to rest his forehead on hers, smiling as he realized that they were both panting slightly.

“Sorry...you were...saying?”

She did roll her eyes at him then, laughing as he pulled her into a tight hug. It was a relief to him that despite this new part of their relationship, the foundations were still the same. That they were still the Ron and Hermione that had, despite all their best efforts at mucking it up, come to love each other in every possible way. He realized that he had been afraid of losing that first love the non-kissing love, it was one of the reasons he had been so hesitant to admit his true feelings not only to her, but to himself as well.

He thought, for months, years if he were being completely honest, that kissing her would be crossing some highly guarded border into a strange land, but he was amazed at just how natural it all felt. His feelings hadn’t magically changed, he didn’t love her more, or even in a different way, he wasn’t in a strange land at all, he was home.

[saeyoungchoi7]

a drabble for saeyoung

I’m currently on Saeran’s route for the first time and I just had some thoughts to explore and started writing them...3k words later here is the result under the cut

If you like it come message me or comment on on it! 

(Pt. 2)

It was the early morning of the eighth day. RFA had gotten a new party member that remained a mystery to everyone even a week after. Well, everyone apart from their leader, V. Even though this worried Saeyoung he followed V’s orders without question like he always had but lately its’s been harder and harder. He feared what was happening to the group with his estranged father, the Prime Minister, creeping closer to his precious group. The one thing he would protect at all cost, apart from someone he hasn’t seen in a long time, his brother. He worried about his brother as well. He knew he couldn’t see him but prayed for his well being and trusted V took care of him while he was away. At this very moment, however, he feared for their new party coordinator.

Up until now MC has been very cooperative, as cooperative as she can be without revealing anything about her situation and has been very helpful. She encouraged peace between the hacker and them and even peace between the members of the RFA. She has proven herself to be a good person who even, under strange circumstances, has kept promises to both V and Saeyoung himself. But over the past couple hours during the night Saeyoung noted her speech changes and her enthusiasm went down by at least seventy percent. The defender of justice hypothesized that maybe it was the time of day. He looked at his clock and saw that it was almost three in the morning. She recently had a chat with their most passionate members, Zen and Yoosung, about silly things they’ve been doing lately.  It brought a smile to his face knowing that even in a crisis there was still things like that going on between members. He admired the way their brains work; very different from Saeyoung himself.

The red head of the group had been troubled with not only assignments from work but the safety of the RFA who was becoming increasingly more in danger than it’s secret keepers thought. This is why V decided to reach out to his oldest friend so he could alleviate pressure for Luciel; but news about his father butting into their affairs only made his mental state worse. At that moment he pushed down the nausea he was feeling at the moment and focused on what needed to be attended to first -MC.

He instinctively reached for his phone and only realized what he was doing when he was putting it against his ear. “Oh, Seven, hello…” MC answered. It was late and he heard something off in her voice. He couldn’t speak for the rest of the members but whenever he spoke to her on the phone she was so bright it would take away any bad feeling inside himself. She would be courteous and attentive and most importantly she wanted to do whatever she could to help him.

“Hey, MC, I’m sorry…did I wake you? You seem tired.” He was praying it was the case.

“No, I’ve been awake.” Her voice was pointed and low.

“I see you’ve been talking to Zen and Yoosung,” he started, “Aren’t they funny? We’re having a war and they’re playing pretend.” He laughed a little at the end of the sentence to help her.

“They’re being them, I guess.” Seven winced at her cold attitude towards him. This was not the MC he knew.

“Hey…MC…is there anything wrong?” he didn’t want to be hesitant but he was afraid of any answer he might get. He didn’t want anything bad happen to her not now or ever.

“Seven,” she whispered,” he felt himself pressing his phone closer to his ear to not miss anything she would say, “are our conversations safe? On the phone?”

“You mean how the hacker bugged our chats, you’re wondering if the hacker can hear our phone calls?” He waited for her to answer but nothing came. He guessed she instinctively nodded instead of verbally replying. “So far my programs I’ve been running haven’t picked up anything for our texts and phone calls. I think whatever he’s after he thinks will be in our chat logs.” He waited for her to answer for a long time or at least it felt that way. In reality he watched the clock changed by two minutes before she let out a breath. He listened closely again.

“The hacker is different,” she said still in a whisper, “he’s changed, a lot, and I don’t know…” There was a knock on her end. “Seven be quiet...” he heard commotion and he guessed it was her setting down the phone.

“It took you long enough to answer the door, idiot, did you not hear me knock? It was so polite of me to do that for you instead of walking in on my own,” Saeyoung heard. It was a man’s voice, the hacker, he guessed. He sounded cold, distant, and threatening. The red head’s stomach dropped; his worst fears are coming to life.

“I’m sorry, I was getting ready for bed…”

“Not only are you disgusting but you’re a liar as well. A good toy shouldn’t be this stupid.” The next thing he heard was something…or someone…hitting a hard surface. “Awe, you didn’t cry out little toy. That’s no fun, maybe throwing you isn’t the way to go…” He heard movement once again but it was accompanied by MC struggling. “Maybe I’ll break something, you don’t need two arms do you to chat with the RFA?”

“My patterns would change, they would notice if something was different about me,” her voice was steady and didn’t reveal how she was feeling in that moment. Seven thought she was so strong. He wanted to help her or scream out to her to get her attention but he knew that would only put her in more danger.

“You think those idiots would notice anything different about you? They accepted a member that was put there by the hacker and trusted you instantly! They’re incompetent fools. Especially the head of the organization and that appalling red head.” He was talking about me and V. Seven felt chills go down his spine.

“Why won’t you say his name?” she asked him.

“The fame photographer, V?” the hacker mocked.

“No, Seven’s name, you’ve never said it.” Even over the phone, Saeyoung felt a shift in the air. Before he could process anything he heard another slam and a cry let out from MC. He wanted to yell at the hacker and threaten him in several different ways but he was smarter than that. Even though his emotions wanted to take over he had to remain calm, at least something from the agency stuck with him. He needed MC to come back to the phone. He needed a confirmation from her that she was still breathing.

“Don’t speak to me like that, like were equals, you are nothing!” he yelled at her. He was unraveling, Seven noted. “Ray is gone, don’t you have some brain cells left in that head of yours to understand that? I’m here and I’m staying.” He heard something else but couldn’t identify it.

“Ray is still there,” she insisted. Why was she fighting back? Is Ray the first hacker and he was being replaced because he was getting too close to MC? She seemed to treasure him until now.

“You just don’t get it do you?” There were footsteps coming closer to the phone.

“Am I worth all this trouble?”

“Of course not,” the hacker spat out, “You are nothing.”

“Then why bother?” There was a pregnant pause over the phone and Saeyoung didn’t realize he stopped breathing until the hacker spoke again.

“My Savoir seems to think that your job is necessary to get information out of those idiots. It’ll be easier to destroy them and their precious RFA if you keep being a good little toy and do as we say.” MC didn’t reply and he didn’t think she would say anything else to him. There were footsteps walking away from the phone then a door creak. “Have you eaten my toy?”

“No, you told the Believers to not give me food.”

“Good, I was making sure.” The door closed and Saeyoung felt a little relieved. He wouldn’t feel calm however until she spoke to him again. He heard an audible sigh before movement coming from MC. She picked up the phone but didn’t speak.

“MC, tell me your location.” He didn’t want to abide by V’s self-sacrificing rules at the moment. He could clearly see that he was in over his head. If something like this was happening why didn’t he ask him for help? One of his specialties was infiltration. He must be hiding something.

“I can’t.” Her tone was back, he is what made her this way.

“MC this is no time to be worrying about peace or a promise you made to V. If he knew about this he would have asked for my help.”

“Seven…”

“I will get Jumin to send a helicopter, anything to get you out of there! Is that the hacker? The one you’ve been protecting?”

“It complicated.”

“Complicated?” he almost yelled, “I heard everything, he doesn’t care about you at all, he’ll probably end up killing you after the party is over!” he felt like he went a step to far but she needed to hear the truth. He needed to save her.

“I need to save him, Seven,” she was barely audible, “I want to save you both.” He let out a laugh before he realized.

“What do I need saving for? I’m not the one trapped somewhere with that guy surrounded by what sounds like a cult. Who is the savior by the way?” This sounded way over V’s head. What did he get himself into?

“She’s a blonde girl who’s been abusing Ray.”

“Ray? Is he the one you want to protect?” Before today MC has never said anything against the hacker and has actually made excuses for him which troubled the RFA members quite a bit. But they always see in black and white and things are always more complicated. Seven has learned from many missions that there is no good and evil and lines are crossed all the time.

“Yes.”

“Do you…” he was very hesitant to ask this in fear of hurting himself, “love him?”

“If you’re asking the only reason I want to save him is because I developed feelings for him then the answer is no. I can see the good in him and he’s being abused. I know how it feels and I can’t stand by when I can help him.” The red head winced, he didn’t want to think that MC would have anything near a past he had but it didn’t seem to be the case.

“We can dive into that later,” he said, “if you want to save him I’ll help.”

“You promise?”

“Of course MC, I’d do anything for you –” he stopped himself. While this wasn’t a lie, because he would do anything the RFA members needed, he couldn’t help but feel vulnerable with her. He was growing fond of her but he couldn’t reveal that to her or anyone else. “I mean…as an RFA member...I would…”

“I feel the same,” she cut him off his downward spiral of embarrassment. “But I’m not sure what you can do. I can’t tell you where I am because I literally don’t know.”

“But V knows right? You met him?”

“Yes, briefly, he said he would be coming back soon but it’s dangerous,” she warned. It felt like the wall of secrets MC has been hiding for V was shattering. It must be a dire situation.

“Do you think he needs help?”

“Yes.” The situation is dire.

“Okay, I’m going to get in contact with him.” Luciel checked his computer to try to location the head of their organization from his phone. He prayed that it was turned on and he could find him right away.

“Good luck with that Seven, he’s barely been in the chat for the last few days. It’s been hard to get a hold of him at all.” She sounded like she was losing hope, this scared him.

“I know, I know, especially when he’s on these secret missions it seems there is not a lot of cell reception for him…”

“Please do what you can, I will try to hold them off as best as I can.” She was so brave. Braver than anyone in the RFA.

“MC, do you think you could escape the place?”

“It…might be hard…” she trailed off, “I was blind folded and taken here. I’ve hardly seen anything but the floor I am on and there are others here,” she revealed.

“I see,” he was tracking V’s phone and trying to concentrate on what she was saying. She had no idea where she was at all. They were smart enough to cover their tracks. She would be helpless to help herself or them.

“And now they’ve restricted my access to only my room.”

“Is there a window?”

“Seven…I can’t escape until you find out exactly where I am.”

“I know, special secret agent seven-oh-seven will not put you in any more danger. I just want you to be aware of your surroundings and make an escape plan if you should need it.”

“You really do sound like a secret agent.”  Her tone was lighter and this put a smile on his face.

“One day I will teach you the ways young trainee!” he said hoping to cheer her up. “Don’t be reckless I will contact you A-S-A-P!”

“Thank you.”

“Just stay safe MC.”

“You as well.” Saeyoung felt a pang in his heart. He needed to make this right for her. He would track down V himself if he had to, but he was optimistic if he revealed that he and MC were in real danger Jumin would jump at the chance to save them. Jumin was good at protecting things he cared about and would exhaust his resources to do so.

Kind of like him.

“Tell me if anything happens, promise?”

“I promise I’ll try.” That was good enough and given her situation she might not be able to. Saeyoung tensed up, he needed to work. He needed to find V, then MC, and make sure they were safe. He would ‘deal with family drama later this was more pressing.  He hung up quickly and called his friend and begged that he would pick up.  

“Luciel?” V’s voice came through the speaker of the phone. He sounded tired, like he was running.

“V, where are you?”

“Is something wrong?” He avoided the question, this was typical for him.

“Yes,” he said with his voice stern, “I called MC because I knew something was up and half way through the phone call the hacker comes in and throws verbal abuse at her and may have literally thrown her into a wall or something.”

“What?” he sounded shocked and confused instead of the angry response Seven was hoping for. He wanted his friend to spring into action asking him to help him with MC but he didn’t. “Are you sure?”

“Yes I’m sure!” he was angry now, “I heard her cry out! I heard him threaten her! She didn’t talk about it the only thing she wanted was to save him. Save him…the man who was hurting her!”

“This has gotten increasingly more complicated,” V concluded to himself.

“V, tell me where she is, we need to save her. He definitely will kill her if she isn’t useful to her anymore.”

“No, he would never…” Seven pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Why were they being this way? He could help them, this could be solved and they wouldn’t help themselves.

“I will find her with or without your help. I will go and save her without your permission. I will even kill this cult leader if I have to!”

“Cult leader?” he sounded surprised again. He forgot that he wasn’t supposed to know this because V never revealed this to him.  

“MC wouldn’t say much but I heard them speak about a savior and believer and stuff…” He also didn’t want MC to break her promise to V. But who could this blonde woman be? Why did she have so much power over the hacker?

“Luciel…”

“Don’t tell me you’ll take care of it V. This is too much even for you.” Seven waited for V to say something, anything to him. What was he thinking? MC is in danger and he insists on doing everything himself. “This martyr complex you have is going to get you and MC killed, I can feel it.” He waited again and listened to his friends breathing on the other end. He knew V was carefully choosing his words.

“I know you are feeling trapped right now Luciel…but I don’t want to burden you further.”

“The stuff about my family is on the back burner at the moment, right now I just want to make sure MC is safe. She’s being so brave and she shouldn’t have to be. She doesn’t want me to worry but I heard him hurt her.”

“You think he hurt her?”

“I know he did!” he breathed in, “V, tell me what you need now or I’m turning off my phone and getting her myself.”

“Would it ease your anxiety to know I am near her?”  He almost jolted out of his chair. He was so close to her but what could V do about this cult? The savior? The hacker?

“It might just be the opposite,” he admitted, “You can’t take this on all by yourself.”

“Please give me time Luciel.”

“You’ve got three hours before I contact Jumin and he sends an army your way.” He didn’t like talk to his friend he owed so much to this way but he couldn’t help it with his anxiety being so high. Two people he cared about were in danger and he had proof of that danger now. MC could be killed by some hacker that she’s protecting. V is protecting all his secrets and trying to infiltrate this place with no skill. Saeyoung’s head was spinning.

“Okay,” he agreed surprisingly, “I know how much you cherish MC, but you must protect yourself as well from the next battle.” His father.

“Be safe V. Tell MC I’ll see her soon.” And with that he hung up. There were a million thoughts racing through his mind but he had to get back to work. He had to keep the hacker busier than ever. He wasn’t going to touch MC again.

They had to make it out. They had to be safe.

For his sake and everyone else’s.

[zisurru]

my big bad list o’ bartimaeus fanfic recs (updated september 2020)

it’s long so I put it under a cut. [unfinished] means the fic has been apparently abandoned :(

Gen:

On Names, and Becoming Them by me malum: "You have many names," the old crone continued. "Did you know you've gained another?" Bartimaeus, in the centuries after 'Ptolemy's Gate'.

Hair by Kyuunen: Jane Farrar wishes she could lock away the razor and the shaving cream. Lock them away forever.

In the End by Volkie: In a way, she was glad. She would rather die than live in a London controlled by commoners and second-raters.

Ties that Bind by chibideath: Concerning what happens to Kitty Jones and Bartimeaus following the end of Ptolemy's gate. A story about names, hearts, and what comes with being human.

Of Uruk by electrumqueen: Five stories of origin for the djinni known as Bartimaeus of Uruk, as told to Ptolemy of Alexandria over the course of his research. Some of them might even be true.

one day you will go away from this by electrumqueen: Enkidu becomes a real boy; Bartimaeus is dubious about the process. Uruk changes everyone who comes into her walls.

coda by asdfghjkla:  a series of unrelated prompts taking place during and after the events of ptolemy's gate. spoilers for everything. mostly kitty and kitty+bart focused.

Of Pentacles, Rocking Chairs, and Presumed Deaths by yonwords: Kitty summons Bartimaeus after the events of Ptolemy's Gate. 

Far From Home by Contrarian: Bartimaeus is summoned for the first time after Ptolemy's death.

After Icarus by Bialy: The boy in the pentacle is skinny and pale, and forever twelve years old. He has dark, combed hair, and his black eyes are locked on the thick chalk line at his feet. He is regretting this form. Oneshot, five years after the end of Ptolemy's Gate.

o brother you are not by DrMeh: He's always tried his hardest to forget the difference between cowardice and courage, Nick has.

Semantics by TheAliensDidIt: Detailing the exploits of Bartimaeus of Uruk (i.e. moi), the Serpent of the Silver Plumes, N'gorso the Mighty, the Bane of Magicians, in great battles of wit and cunning... you'd best say your incantations correctly and pray your pentacle has no faults, for if there is one, I will find it.

Untitled by @notaflower whom tumblr won’t let me tag

Untitled by @joons​

Stages by @tarragonthedragon​: Faquarl's view of Bartimaeus over time changes, and ultimately, stays the same. Their very nature seems to revert them to the status quo of uneasy disdain.

three doors, three souls by @avinryd​: “B-” He clears his throat. “Bartimaeus?”(He's not sure where that name came from.)The boy blinks, then shakes his head. “No, my name is Ptolemy.” He looks expectant, as if waiting for a response.And what to respond? Does he have a name? After a moment of thought he decides, yes, he does have a name: Nathaniel. He says as much and Ptolemy smiles.“Hello, Nathaniel,” and it sounds so right and familiar in his voice that Nathaniel aches.

it doesn’t really bear thinking about by @avinryd​: "He wonders, vaguely, what might have changed if they’d lived; all three of them against the world. It doesn’t really bear thinking about, but then again, he’ll be dead in moments. Why not spend those dwelling on happier things?"

Cats by @tarragonthedragon: Prompt: Bartimaeus and Queezle being happy. Maybe one of their adventures?

Just One Yesterday by @shadowy-dumbo-octopus: Bartimaeus stumbles upon an old enemy, and sees them in a new light after certain events from the last book.

a song skims over the nile, by dolokhovian: call it the earth turning.

Untitled by @shadowy-dumbo-octopus: Evil Nat AU!

A Road Trip (A Disgusting Human Invention) by @tarragonthedragon: In which a magician, a spirit, and a commoner are crammed into the cramped space of a single Honda Civic and are unable to stop and shout at each other. It's not going to end well.

Bartimaeus/Nathaniel:

Thorn by Maiden of the Moon: Nathaniel was a thorn in Bartimaeus' side. But now that he is dead, now that the thorn is gone, the resulting wound is free to fester and ooze and bleed...

Chaos by Maiden of the Moon: Sometimes, I understand why he hates me.

Distractions by Maiden of the Moon: The djinn flopped backwards, rearranging his puppet's toned body and dark hair in a sexy sprawl on his master's desk. “Why?” the demon pressed, voice husky with suggestion. “Do you find this distracting?”

It’s A Harsh Thing by Existence’s Bane:  For each breath taken... 

Written Aramaic and Other Tips for Everyday Living by Kyuunen: Somehow, in the thrum of everyday life, the djinni that drives Nathaniel to near insanity is the only thing keeping him sane.

miserable company by BoltAcid: Nine cheesy, mismatched prompts and one familiar, mismatched pair.

warm chromatic by atrophie: bartimaeus is on a desk and annoying nathaniel, as usual.  

A Very Fetching Rug by ThePurpleRose: Nathaniel, you have a very feching rug in your hall." Bartimaeus plans to bring out the Nathaniel out of John Mandrake. Involves necklaces, guilt trips, soaps, coat stands and rugs.  

As We Dream by the Fire by Wit Unraveled: Time progresses and turns to evolution; seasons decay into change. Magician boys do both. - In honor of the season; there's just something about all this snow.

Untitled by @chokopoppo

Untitled Part 1 Part 2 by @princefado

no dose of emotional chemotherapy (can halt my pathetic decline) by @singacrossthemoon: For all of his sarcasm, all of his acerbic wit, Bartimaeus could not, for the life of him, remember the last time anyone had treated him with anything less than nauseating kindness, never mind such immediate, obvious distain. I think, he realized in a rush, that I am in love.

love is colder than death by izzybusiness: Bartimaeus first meets Nathaniel at eight-thirty on a Monday morning. It’s not the most auspicious of meetings. Then again, when you’ve taken a job as a barista with the sole purpose of poisoning someone’s drink, he supposes that any sort of meeting is favourable to its end. 

love is colder than death au fics by @singacrossthemoon​ [Series]

one for the money (two for the pain) by @singacrossthemoon: Or: Five times someone asks about John Mandrake, and one time Bartimaeus talks about Nathaniel. [Content warning: sexual assault]

fire and air by @transarty: Nathaniel wants to see Bartimaeus' true form - but what could he possibly expect? Bartimaeus delights and frights over this. / light bartnat and headcanon on bart's shape, feelings and a little mush  

Bartimaeus/Kitty:

Autumn Leaves and the Endless Fall by otherworldviolet: Kitty dies. This is about what happens next. [Unfinished] [Content warning: brief mention of sexual assault in Chapter 3]

Of Fire and Roses by Anti-Logic: But this was different. That place had been all gentle waves and currents, always intermingling and flowing. This was a world of fire and roses. [Unfinished]

Of Auras and Oracles by conception.creation: The trilogy is complete, but Bartimaeus’ adventures are far from over. When a prominent politician goes missing, Kitty and Bartimaeus must find him, but who is behind the mysterious attacks on Kitty’s life?

Monomyth by conception.creation: Nouda didn’t die in the Glass Palace explosion. Now Kitty must rely on her wits to survive in a post-apocalyptic London overrun with enemy spirits.

The Haunting by conception.creation: A rebel turned demon hunter treks across the world in pursuit of escaped hybrids. Now she must track down a spirit with a mysterious agenda, and nothing is as it seems.

Restless Spirit by conception.creation: Quick thinking saves Kitty from assassination – unfortunately, she’s now without a body. Can she solve her own murder in time to stop a massive conspiracy threatening Britain itself?

Panache by conception.creation: When Bartimaeus' master sends him out to win him the hand of a beautiful commoner, he doesn't expect the djinni to fall for her himself. Based on the play Cyrano de Bergerac.

That Awful Rush To Say Goodbye by cacophonyGilded: Hope is what kills you. Kitty knows that. Bartimaeus, somehow, is still learning.  

children of dust and ash by callunavulgari: Kitty summons Bartimaeus on a chilly fall day in her thirty-eighth year. Her children are at school. There is no husband. She is alone in the house, save for a fat persian who slumbers happily on a cushion in the window seat downstairs. The persian, she knows, will not wake before noon.The words are familiar to her, and she does not stumble over them. Smoke billows into the room, as expected, but instead of a creeping sulfurous stench, there is the faint smell of sandalwood and wet earth. When the smoke clears, Bartimaeus is there.

the way to the graveyard by @singacrossthemoon​: Djinn are beings of fire, Kitty realizes anew; they leave naught but ash in their wake.

Bartimaeus/Kitty/Nathaniel:

stars are projectors by asdfghjkla:  Someone is kissing her. She is not sure which one he is.

Entertainment by princefado:  In which Kitty and Bartimaeus double team Nathaniel. In a skirt. Gratuitous smut.

the root of the root by @singacrossthemoon​: The pyre burns with the misery of passion. She does not try to stop it.

Bartimaeus/Kitty/Ptolemy:

this isn’t our first time around by nighimpossible: It seems that the spirit she thought was dead and gone isn’t so dead after all. Kitty could spit she’s so furious.“This is about the worst way you could tell me you’re alive, Bartimaeus,” Kitty grits through her teeth. Her fingers curl against the countertop, nails nearly cutting into the wood.The man gives her a confused look. “Sorry,” he says carefully. “I think you’re mistaking me for someone else.”

Kitty/Nathaniel:

The Matchmaker by conception.creation: Eight lousy, stinking months have gone by and Nathaniel still refuses to let him go home. Bartimaeus gets creative.

Bartimaeus/Ptolemy:

Eyeliner by Chokopoppo: Generally, I’m known for my keen eye and my acute knowledge of universal human culture. There are few others, even among humans themselves, who so completely understand the workings of their past, present, and inevitably future, as I do. Few things are beyond my scope of great knowledge.This, apparently, was one of those things.

Coffee by Chokopoppo: He would follow the boy to the ends of the earth in every cycle of time, if he could.So he does.

Choices by Chokopoppo: He needs flight, he needs home, he needs the stars and dark eyes and shifting essence and warm skin and vast great oneness and a gentle fragile voice calling his name but he cannot have both the Other Place and Ptolemy and the universe has made his choice for him.

As Far As Adventures Go, It Was Pretty Okay by jonesandashes: Judge not - developing a proper threat rapport does not happen in a day. We got better.

drives you crazy getting old by electrumqueen

and we talk of things that matter, in words that must be said  by @lupevensies

Lullaby by @shadowy-dumbo-octopus: In which Ptolemy refuses to sleep because who needs sleep when there's research to be done? This forces Bartimaeus to try and get him into bed before the poor kid burns himself out. Short and fluffy.

Bartimaeus/Queezle:

Battlecry by The Sad Privateer: "You are either a genius, or the luckiest idiot on the planet," she remarks to him one day. "And I'm leaning towards the latter."

Bartimaeus/Faquarl:

Hold Your Colour by otherworldviolet: Faquarl comes to Bartimaeus with a proposition. Set during Ring of Solomon.

A Mirror Darkly by badpriestess: Two entities so alike yet so crucially different can't help but clash, but in the end they always come back to each other.

Anger Was Good by @lupevensies​

Eeeuuuggghjjjjj by meanfrogs: Bart and Faq con non suspecting people into buying terrible copper in some market stall in Ur. They hate each other and also kiss, hell yeah

Faquarl/Jabor:

Why you should never cut your fingernails in the kitchen by JTJonah: So Jabor and Faquarl are discussing ways to ruin Lovelace (as per usual) and then - you know what, we all know what you came here for, they swive okay they swive and that's all we're here for, I hope you're all goddamned happy with the results.

Indoor Voices by JTJonah: So they had just broken into a tomb in the middle of nowhere.

Khaba/Ammet:

The Master's Shadow by badpriestess: Khaba has been inadvertently cruel, and Ammet's dissatisfaction comes to a head.

Untitled by @madanach​

More Thank Your Shadow by bluebeholder

Multiple ships:

Just Hold Me Close by Chokopoppo: A series of reincarnation romance AUs, set within the writing constraints of the Songfic Challenge from the early 2000s.

quiescency by @singacrossthemoon: “What a beautiful portrait,” the teenager gasps, his admiration genuine. “Is it of me?” The boy pauses, reconsidering the picture. It is yet unfinished. He cannot recall when he started it. “No,” he says at length.