#I bought some records today if anyone is wondering...

[iero]

Whenever I get into my buying vinyl records mood, I always buy like 5-10 at once or none at all. 

[hotchgirlsummer]

mess of mine ⤷ aaron hotchner x reader

summary ⤷ aaron hotchner never expected to find an adorable woman when he was out asking around about their unsub. turns out she's all he needs to brighten up his life.

pairing ⤷ aaron hotchner x fem!bimbo!reader

warnings ⤷ unsub takedown. unsub has a knife. mentions of typical cm violence, killing, and general disdain towards women. rossi calls the reader a bimbo lmao

word count ⤷ 6k words

a/n ⤷ bear with me as i am obsessed with the idea of a bimbo being with aaron in the most adorable way possible 😭 and i dont meant bimbo in a derogatory way! but just someone who isn't book smart ig? the reader in this fic i imagine to be so good with fashion in styling so yeah... i know i didnt do justice with the whole narrowing down the search for an unsub or the way they handled the take down but i have to admit this is just self-indulgent as i want be aaron's brainless girl ❤️ anyway, feedback is appreciated for this! might turn this into a mini series so yeah. happy holidays!

✪

“Excuse me, may I speak with you?” A deep voice made Y/N turn around from where she was organizing some of the new clothes that had just arrived. Smiling at the dark-haired man who stood in a crisp suit, she looked at his clothes and pouted, “I’m sorry but we don’t usually sell those suits, we do have some pastel ones in any case you’re interested in those instead.”

Hotch followed the direction in which she pointed and was surprised to see a couple of suits that are, to her credit roughly in his size, but instead of the neutral tones he’d go for they were in pastel pink and purple. Shaking his head and biting down a small smile he pulled for his badge and presented it to her, “Thank you for the recommendations but I’m afraid that’s not what I’m here for.”

Upon looking at the badge her eyes failed to focus on how he was part of the FBI and instead chuckled when she noticed his name, “Heh, Ay-ay-ron.” Her mispronunciation of his name caused his eyebrows to furrow as he gently corrected her, “Aaron, ma’am. Not Ay-ay-ron, I’m afraid.” Her little bubble popped when she looked into his eyes, mesmerized by the deep brown orbs she shook her head and clarified, “Oh I knew that, that was just from the Peele & Key skit. Never knew anyone named Aaron so couldn’t tease anyone by it.”

“Right,” came Hotch’s sharp reply, worried that their possible lead might be a bust due to the witness presenting signs of being dopey due to addiction. “Is there a back office where I can speak to you in private?” She pointed towards a door that had a curtain in front of it, “We can go there, we never let anyone in there because that’s where our safe and transaction lists are!”

As pleased as he was to hear that they keep a record of their transactions, he was becoming more and more alarmed at how easily she was giving away confidential business information. Inside the small room that he concluded acted as their little breakroom with the microwave placed on top of a small fridge, it also served as their surveillance room and like she said, a safe was placed there. He motioned for her to grab a seat and pulled the folder he brought with him. “The reason I’m here today is we were hoping you could point us in the direction of one of your customers.”

Looking up from the files, he was surprised to see that she was looking at him with a giddy smile, “What do you wanna know, Aaron?” Her bliss-like innocence made him think about if he was really going to taint her by telling her the horrors that brought them to this store; but it was quickly shrugged off when he remembered that there was a possibility that she was on some sort of drugs. “There has been a man who may have purchased clothes through your boutique as they have been using the clothes they purchased to redress their victims.”

“How’d you know they bought it from here?” She wondered out loud to which he replied, “We found one of the boutique’s plastic bags near the crime scene. Would you happen to have a log of your transactions?” Deciding against showing her the photos, he simply joined his hands atop the folder and looked at her. She nodded and turned to the computer table where there was a laptop, she placed it in the middle of the table, “Phoebe has me recording customers’ names, what they bought, and how they paid. Just ‘cause last time I had a mom angry with me just because their child bought a top that, like, showed too much cleavage.”

Taking it as she had given him permission to browse through their transactions, Hotch nodded, “And Phoebe is your manager, I’m assuming?” She nodded with a cute smile on her face, “She’s so nice. Real patient with me when I was training. Even taught me tricks on how I can close faster.”

As much as he wanted to direct his full attention to her, he was only able to focus on some parts of it as he was more focused on finding the masterlist of their transactions. Just as he clicked on the file he was greeted with the pop up that was asking him for a password which caused him to look up at her, “It’s asking for a password, would you happen to know what it is?”

For all the times he witnessed someone shake their head, he hated how adorable she looked when she did so with a little pout which made her glossed up lips even more tempting, “Only Phoebe knows it. She changes the password every month and I can’t keep up!” She leaned forward with her manicured nails resting on the top of the table, “One time she mixed in some capital and small letters with some numbers. It was very confusing.”

“I can see why that would be,” Aaron sympathized with her as a small smile broke out of his lipa; normally he’d be irritated with this kind of behavior but there is something endearing about her that made him think otherwise, “Would you mind if I have our technical analyst take a look into it?”

“But how? I don’t know the password and Phoebe didn’t leave a note anywhere!” She was clearly distressed about the whole thing, Hotch could also see the faint traces of frustration at not being able to help further in the investigation. His hand moved as if they had a mind of their own and held onto her smaller one, brushing the back of hers gently, “Well our analyst is like a magician, okay, sweetheart?”

Hypnotized by his caramel eyes and the comfort his touch radiated, she nodded and visibly relaxed, “In the meantime, there is something else you can help me out with, if you’re up for it.” Taking her nod as her consent he then untangled his hand with hers, he tried not to let her disappointed whimper affect him, as he opened the case file and landed on the page where they have already a profile of the unsub, “The man we’re looking for goes here often, he spends a long time looking through the clothes because he’s always looking for a particular detail or design. Whenever you speak to him, he appears nervous or shy, but he has enough charm to have you fooled that he won’t harm you at all.”

Hotch was silently cursing at himself for allowing himself to be distracted at the sight of her glossed up lips pursed as she thought hard about a customer who fit his description; looking at him in an exasperated manner as she pouts at him, clearly frustrated, “I’m sorry, but I can’t focus much right now. I could not even help you out with the password.” He grabbed for her hand once more and stroked the back of it gently, “Don’t be too harsh on yourself, pretty girl,” Instead of expressing surprise like he anticipated she would upon being called the nickname, she seems to be pleased and melts because of it, “Why don’t you close your eyes and take a deep breath,” Following his instructions, she nodded as she closed her eyes and let out a sigh while her hand clutched into his tightly, “Now, go back to a day where he comes in. What do you usually do when the boutique isn’t busy?”

“I like to rearrange the clothes — sometimes I group them by type of clothing, then by color.”

Pleased that she was now calmer which effectively made her able to recall when and how she interacted with the unsub, “That’s good. Now, he walks into the boutique. He sees you rearranging the racks. Does he talk to you right away or go browning?”

“I hear shuffling of the hangers first but I don’t turn yet because I was trying to get rid of the lint in one of the clothes,” She smiles, pleased that she’s being a bit more helpful right now. “Good,” His voice wasn’t the only one soothing her as he was rubbing her knuckles too, “What did he do that drew your attention away from what you were doing?”

“He threw some clothes on the floor, he wasn’t happy with the choices that we had that day.”

“What else did he say or do?” Hotch could see that she was working hard to think back to it, as if the frown lines that were appearing on her forehead wasn’t a clear indicator of it, “He yelled, saying what happened to this store and why did it suddenly turn into a dump. Just because we didn’t have any more available items of what he usually likes.”

She was pouting once more which made his heart flutter once more but the rational part of his brain took over as he inquired, “Were you able to get a good look at his face? Can you make out what he looks like?”

Pursing her lips as she thought about it, she looked at their hands that were still holding onto each other as she spoke, “I did see him, he picked up the clothes and apologies. Said that he just had a bad day at work.”

Hotch smiled and continued to guide her through this interview by saying, “That’s good, now do you see what he looks like, sweetheart?”

“He had very little hair, you know, like a buzz cut. Couldn’t pull it off though,” She giggled as she remembered how uneven the cut looked, “He also had this scar by his cheek,” Using her hand that wasn’t held down, she trailed the tip of her finger to her cheek from her cheekbone down near the side of her lips, “He was taller than me too!” Her excitement of remembering something completely died down when she took a good look at the unit chief in front of her — which worried him slightly but he wouldn’t admit that.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” He asked to which she answered right away, “He was taller than me, but he’s not as tall as you. How tall are you, by the way?”

“6’2. Is there anything else you remember from when you guys spoke?” Aaron felt flustered once more upon her taking interest in him but was able to school his features to not give that surprise away. But his resolve was once again almost crumbling down as she tapped her fingers against his knuckles as she thought hard about her interactions with the unsub, “He returned an item once. Said that when he came up he only noticed a stain there. Phoebe told me to not accept items that have stains or any dirt in them, we always throw the clothes in the wash, you know? But there was this whole queue behind him that I just accepted the return even though I wasn’t supposed to!”

Her whine just added to the long list of what made her even more precious in his opinion as he nodded, “Do you remember where you placed this clothing? Would you mind if I took a look at it?”

Nodding she stood up and led him out of the little break room that they were in walked through the shop’s main floor — and what took the tenured profiler aback was how she did not let go of his hand, which definitely caught sight of Rossi wo was in the middle of a phone call with Garcia when he shot a smirk at the two. When a door opened to reveal another room with a washing and drying machine, and a small sink. “This is where we clean and prepare the clothes before we display them outside.”

Removing her hand from where it was engulfed in his larger one, she rifled and was looking through the four laundry baskets that were in there. Spotting the blouse he returned, she was about to pick out the blouse when he stopped her gently by pulling her arm, “Let me go through them, please.”

She nods and steps aside as she watches him put on some gloves before rifling through the baskets, “Why wouldn’t you let me help you look for it?” Hotch paused briefly and looked back at her, seeing how there was a somber look on her face as she wondered that. “You mentioned that there was dirt on the item he returned, yes?”

Nodding her head she hummed her agreement while he pointed at her hands, “Well I don’t want your pretty hands catching onto the dirt, not when your nails look good.” Complimenting a girl felt foreign to him as he hadn’t done so in a while, but it didn’t feel creepy at all. He felt vindicated when she smiled brightly and displayed one of her hands, “Thanks for noticing! I just got the shellac color done yesterday. I did a purple color last month and decided to go back to my favorite color, pink!”

Her giggles helped ease the dread he felt at the pit of his stomach upon finding the blouse that was definitely returned by their unsub. The stain she was referring to looked like blood and soil. Reaching for his back pocket, he reached for the evidence bag he carried with him in case they were to find any pieces of evidence that were hopefully going to be useful in their investigation.

“This is the blouse he returned, yeah?” He asked her, showing the stained article now in the bag. She nodded her head, “That is the one. Do you want me to clean it off before you go?”

Smiling at her well-meaning attitude he shook his head before disposing of the gloves he wore in the trash bin that was nearby. “It’s all good, sweetheart. Don’t worry your pretty little self about it, alright? I’m gonna have to take this as evidence, can you let Phoebe know that?”

She nodded her head with a smile, “I’m sure she’ll understand. She’s nice like that, she won’t take it off my paycheck.” Gleaming at his earlier compliment she then smiled and opened the door for them to exit the tiny room. “Will I see you again?” Her voice sounded small and a bit disappointed, but he tried not to show he was feeling the same as he reached for his coat pocket and handed her his calling card. “Under these circumstances? I hope not.”

Tilting her head as she accepted the card and wondered what he meant, she had a small pout that looked very much like she wanted to be kissed. Instead, he clarified for her, “What I meant is you should call me the next time you see the buzzcut man, okay?”

“Oh! I can do that!” She cheere happily before continuing on, “Gonna call you and let you know that he’s trouble and he’s here!”

“Maybe don’t say that directly,” He warned her as he rubbed her forearms reassuringly, “Instead use a code. When you call me, tell me how you’d love for the food delivery to come right now. That way, he won't think that the FBI will be looking for him.”

Gasping at how well-thought his plan was, she giggled and jokingly gave him a pat on his shoulder as if to congratulate him, “That was so good, Aaron! You’re smart and handsome!” He wanted to prolong their conversation for as long as they could but of course the odds were against them when Rossi walked over to where they were standing over as he informed his former mentee, “Sorry to interrupt, but we got a hit and they need us back at the precinct.”

Nodding his head back to his mentor, Hotch then shot one last smile to her before offering his hand for a shake. “Thanks so much for your help, sweetheart. Keep in touch, okay?” Shaking his hand with a bright smile she nodded, “I like it when you call me sweetheart, but that’s not really my name, you know? It’s Y/N.”

“See you around then, Y/N.”

With that, the two sadly let go of the other’s hand and went back to normal, back to the reality that they had to work. As he exited the store and went ahead to maneuver the car back to the precinct, he could feel Rossi’s teasing grin at him. “What?”

“Sweetheart, huh?” Came Rossi’s reply which led Aaron to be defensive about it, “She was a bit unsettled at first. I was just trying to calm her down.” The Italian man just raised his eyebrows, getting even more suspicious if anything, “Sure, that’s all that was. Wasn’t like you found her attractive at all.”

“She is attractive, but I could also see that she was way too delicate for the horrors that we usually face,” Hoping that was enough to persuade the senior profiler that there wasn't any budding affection on his part. “All I’m saying is she is a gorgeous woman, but even you have to admit that she doesn’t seem all too smart though. She’s what would be commonly referred to as a bimbo.”

Thankful that they had arrived back in the police station so he would not have to hear what sounded like judgemental comments, Aaron slammed the driver’s door a little too hard before defending her, “How is that bad? Save your unhelpful judgements, Dave.”

Back at the station, once he had given the blouse to the precinct’s forensic team to be analyzed, the rest of the team had been brainstorming on their possible suspect pool. It didn’t take less than an hour for forensics to get back to them with a hit.

“Garcia, will you please give us the rundown on John Wesley please?” Spencer requested as soon as he phoned their technical analyst. “Born and raised in Fairfax, Virginia. Well, really raised by a single mom who did not register who the father to her baby was. He has a record for trespassing and peeping when he was only twelve, yikes. Said that since his mom had to work two, almost three jobs to support herself and him he had to be left alone in their apartment complex where sometimes peeped into the unit next door, turns out the not so good example neighbor would bring home prostitutes and saw how rough he was with them.”

“That would explain why there were bruises on the women, he must have thought that beating them up is some sick way of showing affection,” JJ deduced as Penelope unsealed court records and found out more about John. “Seems like John saw like a counselor or a therapist and he admitted that he liked the idea of women being dolled up after a rough session.”

“Seeing the prostitutes go about the rest of their day after a paid session must have left that impression on him. And he didn’t really fully comprehend how that set up works,” Reid thought out loud, to which everyone agreed.

“What’s his education, personal and work life like Garcia?” Rossi wondered.

“Well education, not so much finished high school but without any recognition you know? Took a couple of classes at the local community college but didn’t really graduate from it. Personal, still legally single by the looks of it. Work life? Oh, would you look at that.”

“Why? What is it, Garcia?” Derek was the one who snapped Garcia out of her shock. “Well it turns out he works at one of those mannequin factories. And it seems like he’s been getting reprimanded by his superior because he liked putting marks on them that looked similar to bruises. And for a while it seems like he also took some home or if not, he brought some clothes to work to dress them up.”

“That’s more than enough, did he go to work today Garcia?” Blake wondered. “He should be there, his boss had him scheduled for today until 6pm,” They all looked at the time and saw that it was 30 minutes before his shift ended. “He clocked in but has yet to clock out by the looks of it.”

“Garcia, we’re gonna need his work and home address, please.” Rossi said to which the peppy analyst declared “Done and done, stay safe crime fighters.”

“Blake, you and Reid head over to his workplace to see if he’s still there; if not, gather as much information as you can about him and how he treats the mannequins, maybe that will give us a clear COD. Morgan, you and JJ head over to the house, see if he’s holding another woman there. As soon as you see him, apprehend him. Dave and I will stay here in case there’s any further development, call for backup if needed.”

With that, the team dispersed into their assignments; Rossi slid over a cup of coffee Hotch’s way who was now engrossed as he was reading over Wesley’s file. “You know I didn’t mean anything bad with what I said earlier, right?”

That caught his attention as he looked up from the tablet and squinted a little, “Pardon me?” Rossi only chuckled as he sat down across from the unit chief before clarifying, “I knew what you meant when you mentioned that your sweetheart,” Hotch rolled his eyes at that but didn’t really feel any distaste towards him or his words, “Was a little softer than the ones we usually interact with. But I do see why you would be attracted to her — she’s kind, thoughtful, and can literally and figuratively bring color to your life.” Aaron knew that he was pertaining to how colorful her entire outfit and personality was and had to bite down a chuckle as he instead redirected his focus to the tablet, “You got all that from a few seconds of interaction?”

“What can I say? I’m a good profiler,” Now the two laughed at his little joke but did know that it was indeed the truth. “She’d be good for you, Aaron. She lives nearby so there’s no reason for you to not pursue her.”

“How about the fact that she’s younger than I am?” He remarked a bit morosefully to which he was surprised that Rossi only scoffed at, “So? It’s not like she’s underage or anything. She’d be providing you with her consent so there’s really no reason for you to feel guilt or anything like that.”

Opening his mouth to offer another rebuttal he paused mid-thought when he was suddenly hit with a realization, “Wait, why does it seem like you’re certain of her age?”

This time Rossi showed him Y/N’s file that Garcia had sent over to his phone, “Had Penelope do a background check on the employees of the boutique earlier. And let’s just say she has a squeaky clean record and is definitely of age.”

Aaron could not believe how hard Dave was so persistent with the whole thing; but when it all boils down, he’d rather have a supportive friend than one who discourages him to go out there and date. “Well I’ll leave it up to fate if I should make a move; besides I don’t even have her phone number.”

Just as he was about to be yelled at by his mentor, Hotch’s phone rang and on cue, he answered it despite the number unlisted to his contacts he answered it and greeted them by saying, “Hotchner.”

✪

“And I got that good girl faith in that tight little skirt,” Just as she was about to sing the next line, the bell above the door rang, signaling that someone just walked in, “Welcome to Beauty Boutique! Can I help you with anything?” The cheerfulness in her voice died down upon seeing who the man was. She gulped down her nervousness, hoping that the buzzcut man would notice her feelings of unease.

“Just browsing through; thanks though, sweetheart.” An invisible shiver went down her spine; I liked it more when Aaron called me that. Heh, Ay-ay-ron, she thought to herself. But that also reminded her that she was to call him if he ever showed up. Dialing his number on her phone, she bit the skin of her fingertips anxiously as she waited for him to answer.

“Hotchner,” Came his gruff greeting. She giggled for a little before plastering a serious face on before finding the words, “Hi, I’d like the food to be delivered, please.”

On the other end of the phone, Aaron could feel the dread in him knowing that Y/N was within arm’s reach of a dangerous killer. “Alright, we’re coming Y/N. Stay calm and don’t let him see panic in your face okay, sweetheart?” He looked at Dave and nodded towards the precinct’s doors; the man nodded and headed out to let the cops and the rest of the team know that they knew about Wesley’s whereabouts.

She nodded her head against the phone as she secretly watched the unsub’s movements — who was currently busying himself in the dress section of their store — before asking, “How long until the food gets here? I don’t want it to be too cold, you know?”

Chuckling against the phone as he watched how Dave drove with urgency he assured here, “We’ll be there in less than ten minutes. Y/N, do you remember if the back door is unlocked?”

“The back door? It’s unlocked but a bit heavy for me to open, it’ll be better if you come up to the store’s front for the food,” She answered as she recalled how much she hated throwing out the garbage during closing time as it was like lifting a whole tree when she opened the back door.

“Okay good, another thing — if you can try to keep the unsub, or the buzzcut guy, within the store that’d be great. If not, make sure to keep note of which direction he goes into, alright?”

“I’m not sure I can try your spicy specialty. But I’ll give it a try. How long til it gets here again?” She asked nervously, she had eye contact with the unsub and she didn’t like the smile he shot her.

“Almost there, sweetheart. I promise,” Aaron said as he hung up the phone call when he noticed that they were a block away and had to park their vehicle. As they stepped outside he gave instructions to uniform officers to take the back entrance and that it could be a little heavy when they try to open it but it is unlocked for their convenience. “I take it back, Aaron,” Dave spoke as he and Aaron cautiously made their way to the front entrance, “Your girl’s a lot smarter than I gave her credit for.”

“Not my girl,” He said, but Hotch did admit that it sounded nice to refer to her as that.

✪ “Got some food delivered here?” Came the unsub’s question as he brought some items to the till. She nodded as she began ringing up the items. “I did, it’s lunchtime,” She tried to convince him and by the looks of it, he bought it, “Did you enjoy your shopping experience today?”

“Sure did,” he pointed to the clothes, “Found great deals on these great clothes,” Shooting her a wink that didn’t do anything to make her feel attracted to him he tried flirting by saying, “Even had a pretty view when I did so.”

An awkward laugh was all that she could give him before placing all of the items in a bag before telling him, “Your total for today is $29.54, how would you like to pay for that today?”

Reaching for his back pocket, he grabbed for his wallet before answering, “On cash, beautiful.” She just smiled as he handed her a fifty dollar bill. Opening her till she had her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as he counted his change but was stopped when he held her hands. Her audible gasp just caused him to smirk even more as he said, “Say, why don’t you keep the change, and in return you can just let me take you out on a date hm? That sounds like a fair trade to me.”

“I can’t do that, my boyfriend wouldn’t like it if I went with someone who wasn’t him,” Came her reply. The man rolled his eyes as he held a tighter grip on her hand causing her to yelp out in pain, “Cut the bullshit. I’ve been here a lot of time to know for a fact that a dumb bimbo like you doesn’t have a boyfriend. So when I say we’re going out, we’re going out.”

“James Wesley, this is the FBI; let go of the woman and put your hands up in the air.”

Tears pooled in her eyes upon seeing that Aaron was in the store; this time he ditched his suit jacket and instead had a bulletproof vest. Instead of following his orders he held onto her wrist more and jumped over the counter, pressing his front to her back as he grabbed a blade from his back pocket and pressed it against her throat, “One step close and I’ll slit her throat.”

Unable to hold back her whimpers, Y/N was now crying as she felt the cold touch of the blade against her skin. “Aaron, please,” Her broken cry broke Hotch’s heart, but he knew he had to be smart; she was at the hands of a sadistic man who took pleasure in beating the crap out of women.

From behind her, James scoffed, “Don’t tell me he is the boyfriend you were lying about. Didn’t think you could land a man like him.”

“You don’t have to hurt her, James. She didn’t hurt you, she didn’t give you the false promise of love, right?” Dave negotiated, on the drive over they were given new intel about how he was hurt by his fiancee when she left him for someone who was abusive to her. Thinking that he had to inflict pain on women in order for them to love and stay loyal to him — that coupled with his distorted view of the prostitutes view rough sex — set him on the course of killing and beating up women then dressing them up, much like how the prostitutes went about their night.

“Hurting women doesn’t make them stay, James. Treating and treasuring them right is how you get them to stay,” Hotch added, which didn’t sit well with the unsub as he shook his head, his hold on Y/N getting loose as he didn’t press on the knife to her anymore. “Yeah? Is that how you get this skank?”

“Don’t you dare call her that,” Came Hotch’s cold reply but he was quick to think of a way to get Y/N out of the situation safely. He made eye contact with the uniformed officer that snuck around the back — which for some reason John didn’t notice, but they weren’t complaining about that — he looked at John's shoulder then to the officer's gun. “Shoot in the shoulder?” Mouthed Officer Harrison, to which Hotch mouthed back “Wait.”

“If anything I’m surprised you’re able to hold onto a woman,” Hotch goaded him, but not too much John would take it out on Y/N. “By the looks of it you can’t even hold onto her right.”

As John looked to see his hands he shouted, “Now!” As planned, Officer Harrison shot John’s shoulder while Rossi shot his elbow, causing him to release his grip on Y/N — who immediately ran into Aaron. Face wet with tears buried in his chest as Aaron pressed loving rubs on her back.

“I was so scared, Aaron. Tried not to panic like you said but he had a knife,” She recalled with so much fear in her voice. He soothed her by rubbing her back keeping her eyes focused on him and not on John who was now being assisted by Rossi and Harrison out of the store and into the cop car. “I know, sweetheart. And you did so well, I saw you talking to him and trying to not let him get away. Wasn’t your fault okay?”

Wiping her tears with his thumbs he tried to console her, “He’s a bad guy, no matter how good you treated him he would have been mean to you. But you best believe I would not let that happen.” She felt something warm — whether it were his hands that settled on her cheeks once he was done wiping away her tears or the way he didn’t stop until the unsub was away from her — but she realized she loved how safe and secure he made her feel was what made her feel warm.

“Thank you for saving me, Aaron. You’re the best, you know?” Now it was his turn to be flustered as he chuckled and shook his head, “Was just doing my job, sweetheart. Couldn’t let you have any more dirt in your clothes and hands.”

That elicited a giggle from her, and he was happy to see that she wasn’t now in tears and distressed by earlier events. “If you need someone to talk to, after how bad today was, you can always give me a call, okay?”

“And if I just wanted to talk to you? Or maybe go out with you for a date?” It was adorable to see her ask him, looking smaller than him and so nervous. He nodded and rubbed her cheeks lovingly, “I’d love that, sweetheart. I’d kiss your cute nose but unfortunately I’m still on the job.”

Nodding in understanding, she then smiled, “Don’t be a stranger and shoot me a text okay? Oh! That reminds me,” She stepped out within his reach and grabbed the pastel pink suit that she pointed to earlier and gave it to him, “Please take this! One of the things I’d love to see is you in this. I just know you can pull it off!”

Looking down at the clothing article, he shook his head as he laughed a little at how insistent she was being, “Sweetheart, I like how you have faith in me but I don’t think this will suit me really well.”

“Please? For me, Aaron?” She looked up at him with a pout and knew right then and there Hotch had found his kryptonite. So, with a sigh, he nodded and smiled, “Alright, but you’re gonna have to give me a hand on how to dress up with this suit okay?” Smiling so wide she gave him a hug and hummed, “Yes, yes! Thank you, Aaron!”

“Sorry to interrupt, but we’re needed back,” Rossi came and with that the two ended their hug. Y/N smiled at him as she held up her hand and grabbed a scarf and gave it to Rossi. “A little something as a thank you for saving me, Mr.”

“Rossi,” He provided, “Y/N, right?” Rossi offered his hand for a shake to which she accepted and confirmed that it was indeed her name. “Good eye, this will go well with this jacket.”

“Italian suit, right? That scarf’s material shouldn’t rub on it the wrong way.” At her input Rossi smiled at her then at Aaron, “Good catch,” Before bidding adieu to her, “See you around, Y/N.”

She looked at Aaron as if to ask what he meant with his remark but was instead interrupted when Aaron smiled at her and lifted her hand up and kissed her knuckles, “I’ll call you later, sweetheart. Take care for now.”

Feeling bold, she stood on her tiptoes and kissed the tip of his nose, “Thank you, Aaron, for keeping me safe. I’ll be thinking of you.” And he knew that as he walked out of the store and rode back with Rossi to the station, his thoughts would be clouded by her as well. And for the first time in a while, he was glad to have this kind of distraction. She might have been a bit of a mess, but from here on out she was his mess.

part two: i’m a mess but

[octuscle]

I want to turn myself into a twinky fuck toy for a wealthy man. Can chronviac help me with that?

Well, as they say, everything's bigger in Texas… I'm a junior partner in a large New York asset management firm. We take care of the high net worth clients. To get into our client file, you have to have over USD 100 million in free liquidity. Our clients are demanding. But we are the best. And we do everything for our customers. Really EVERYTHING!

When I took over the clients of a colleague who had retired a month ago, I thought Chuck Tex was a stage name. Until I had my first appointment with him. His record was more than impressive. Heir to old oil and cattle nobility. Classic career of the Texas oil barons. School in New England, studied in Paris, Oxford and Zurich, founded his first start-up company at the age of 20. And sold at 25 for USD 500 million. Now in his mid-30s, he had not yet inherited a cent from his family, but thanks to his excellent education and connections, he had already amassed a fortune on a par with that of his old man. I expected… Actually, I had no idea what I was expecting… But I certainly didn't expect this:

Chuck looked like a porn star. Or a marriage fraud. Or just like a man who I couldn't wait to throw me on the bed and fuck me mercilessly. His handshake was firm, but finely dosed just before the pain threshold. His gaze could certainly cut through steel plates. But I was a professional, I kept my composure. After I asked him what I could do for him, he got straight to the point. First of all, he needed some cash for his stay in New York. USD 10,000 would be enough. Gladly 100 dollar bills. But hot off the press, please. That was no problem. I sent a short memo to my assistant and she would take care of it. But the real reason for his visit was a project in Greenwich Village. He had bought a few buildings there that he was renovating. His aim was to restore the Village to its former charm. That's why he wanted to create cheap apartments, studios and stores and eliminate expensive office space. The whole thing was not intended as an investment, more as a hobby. A kind of gay and creative Disneyland. I briefly wondered why I wasn't actually a billionaire… And then I asked Chuck what my role was. Whether I could help with the financing or with saving taxes.

Chuck just grinned. No, saving taxes wouldn't fit in with his understanding of patriotism. And he would have financed it all with his last start-up exit. But he would need someone to take care of the real estate. Someone to ensure the right tenant mix. Someone to give his studio apartment the right finishing touches. I briefly went through my network in my mind. I had a gay acquaintance who owned a number of bars and restaurants. And I also knew a good project developer. And one of my school friends was a hip interior designer. I smiled and said I probably had just the people he needed. Chuck smiled back. It made my heart stop. He didn't want anyone from my network. He wanted me. I was about to say that I was flattered, but that I wasn't available for such projects right now. But instead I said "Of course, Daddy". Did I want to accompany him to the construction site? "If I may, Daddy!" At that moment, my assistant came in with a bundle of freshly pressed banknotes. Chuck smiled and said he needed me for the rest of the day. Please cancel all my appointments. I nodded to her and followed Chuck like a dog to its master.

In his limousine, Chuck asked me if I had ever been to Texas. I answered in the negative. But the boots I was wearing looked authentic. Yeah, they were my pride and joy. But I wouldn't have ridden a bull yet. I shook my head and giggled like a schoolgirl. Chuck kneaded the bulge in his pants and said that I would definitely be fucked by a bull today. I only got out a "Thank you, Daddy". Chuck let me sit on his lap. He undid another button of his silk shirt and exposed his right nipple. Like a puppy on its mother's teat, I began to suckle. Chuck kneaded my bulge and said that I was a good boy.

The car came to a halt in the second row in front of an old brick building. The walls were covered in high-quality graffiti. There was a closed table dance bar downstairs and some kind of jewelry store upstairs. Some kind of jewelry on display. Made of stainless steel. On closer inspection, piercing jewelry, cock rings and stainless steel dildos. I looked in the shop window like a child in the window of a candy store. Chuck took my hand, pulled me into the stairwell and told me that I could choose something later if I was good. He stroked the long hair on the back of my neck. I love my Mullet. I look a bit like the young cowboys on Daddy's Daddy's farm.

We had just arrived at Chuck's empty apartment when I got down on my knees in front of him and unbuttoned his pants. "First you strip for me, boy," Chuck ordered. He tossed me a cowboy hat that was in a closet. "Everything but your briefs, boots and hat!". Eagerly awaiting the reward, I did everything I was told to do. "And now lube yourself up". He threw me a bottle. And I did as I was told. I could feel my hard-earned muscles disappearing. I felt younger and younger. Although it was hard as steel, my cock was getting smaller and smaller. "I think you need a little more decoration, boy," Chuck said and put a chain on me. Satisfied, he looked at me as I sat on the floor and could hardly wait for my reward.

Chuck took his boner out of his pants. And I leaned back in anticipation. I wanted to be a good houseboy. And today was the housewarming party.

Chuck's pic found @mensuited, yours @hellishin

[leorawright]

Happy Valentines Day

I was inspired by the Valentines Voice lines for Overwatch so did a couple hc's/one shots with my favorite ones! (And the only ones I had ideas for lol)

Enjoy lovely people!

Lucio

Lucio has had a crush on you for so long

But today's the day! It's Valentines' day and he's gonna ask you out!

After a little bit of hyping himself up, he walked over to you with a blush dusting his face

"Would you be my uh... my uh... why is this so hard!?"

He didn't know why he couldn't get the words out it was something about your eyes shining at him and your comforting smile

"Your Valentine?"

Lucio was surprised when you spoke up but eagerly nodded upon seeing your warm smile aimed at him.

His smile and blush only grew when you leaned down to press a kiss to his cheek

Today was great

Sigma

Sigma knew the customs of Valentines day so he decided to do something extra special

He started the day by waking you up with breakfast and continued to spoil you throughout the day

He refuses to let you spoil him as according to him "you've already done so much for me, today's my day to do something for you"

And finally, he ended the day with some stargazing on his balcony

It was late but neither you nor Sigma wanted to go back inside

Today had been perfect and Sigma relished the opportunity to spoil you

You were currently leaning against him with your eyes half closed still gazing at the stars

Sigma turned to you and his eyes softened upon seeing your tired state

Right as you feel asleep you felt him press a kiss to your cheek and whisper in your ear "You are my starlight."

Needless to say you fell asleep with a smile on your face

Roadhog

He had been getting frustrated the entire day because Junkrat kept trying to push him to confess to you

Junkrat was fed up with Roadies' silent pining after you and it was Valentine's day! Perfect time to confess in Jamesons' mind!

The two of them were arguing when they turned the corner and ran directly into you

In record time Junkrat disappeared leaving you curious about who Junkrat was pushing Roadhog to confess to

And in that moment Roadhog gave in to his feelings

Roadhog cleared his throat sheepishly before posing the question.

"Wanna see a movie?" He all but whispered glancing away from you

It was certainly a surprise to see a renowned terrorist looking so shy

But of course, you weren't gonna say no!

"Of course!" At your cheerful tone and positive answer Mako quickly turned towards you to make sure you were serious

Upon seeing you were serious he chuckled lowly under his breath before walking away with you to plan you two's date

Ramattra

You and Ramattra had been together for three whole years

And just the other week Ramattra was nearly killed fighting for his people

And it was at the moment that you were double checking that he was properly repaired that he realized that he wanted you beside him and wanted to be beside you for as long as he could

So the next week on Valentine's day when you and Ramattra were alone after a romance-filled day he posed the question to you

It had been a wonderful day that you spent with your omnics boyfriend.

You and Ramattra had equaled spoiled each other and kissed each other more than anyone can count.

But now he seemed uncharacteristically nervous.

When you asked what was wrong he asked you to wait until you two were alone.

You two had just entered your shared apartment when you turned to look at Ramattra with a questioning look.

To your surprise he was on one knee and the second had your attention he said,

"Our lives are short, will you share yours with me?"

You could hear the hope staining his voice as he held out the beautiful ring he bought for you.

After a couple of seconds, you eagerly nodded and Ramattra was overjoyed.

He gently slid the ring onto your hand before leaning down to press his forehead against yours gently.

This was gonna be great.

Widowmaker

She'd been a little insecure the entire day despite it being Valentine's day

You two had been having a good time but Widow's mind kept going back to the conversation she'd had with Reaper

He'd told her she could keep seeing you unless you started to distract in which case Reaper would personally take care of the distraction

Widow knew she could likely stop Reaper if she wanted to but that didn't stop the small amounts of fear from creeping in

So that night when you two were sitting on the couch watching some cheesy romance movie she asked you a quite vulnerable question

"Darling?" Widowmakers' voice drew you out of your sleepy haze

Your gaze immediately focused when you noticed the almost sad look on her face.

"Do you really want to be with me? I can be... dangerous." At the end of her sentence she turned her eyes away from you

Gently you turned her face towards you and kissed her with all the love you harbored for her

"Of course I would no matter the danger." You responded smiling sweetly at Widow

She couldn't stop the smile that creeped over her face as you two feel asleep on the couch together.

Pharah

She wanted to take you on a special date for Valentine's day

She wasn't normally one to celebrate but she found a really good idea and decided to surprise you

And what was that idea you ask? A romantic hot air balloon ride!

When you two arrived at the place where you boarded Pharah had a dinner she was carrying for you two to eat

After seeing how eager you where she couldn't help the teasing remark that slipped out

Once Pharah parked the car and grabbed the basket that contained you two's dinner she started heading towards the venue with the hot air balloons.

She spotted you already in the basket of the air balloon she has rented to surprise you with. Seeing how happy you were and how you glowed in the sunlight she called out in a teasing tone,

"Don't fly away with my heart now!"

Of course no malice was behind her tone and seeing you stick your tongue out at her made her chuckle.

She was so lucky to have you in her life.

Junkrat

You were sad

Today is Valentine's day and yet your boyfriend didn't even seem to notice

He greeted you like normal that morning and continued on about his day as though nothing was out of the ordinary

And after hearing and seeing whatever everyone else was doing for Valentine's day was... disheartening to say the very least

Your only hope was that Junkrat was home in time for some cuddles

Little did you know your boyfriend hadn't forgotten...

You walked in the door to you two's home to see something that made your jaw drop.

There was a huge teddy bear that stretched nearly floor to ceiling. And there was your beloved Jamieson, hanging from the ceiling by wrapping paper and tape trying to wrap the large gift.

He looked down and spotted you and his face broke into a wide grin despite his present not being fully prepared

He threw open his arms and excitedly declared, "Happy Valentine's day!"

Bad idea on his part because the second he finished his sentence his flimsy support snapped and he tumbled to the ground luckily landing on the teddy bear.

Once he got to his feet he was surprised when you suddenly pressed a kiss to his lips.

"Thank you for the present darling."

At the affirmation and pet name Junkrat immediately flushed with pride.

He would never forget a day like this where he gets to surprise you after all!

Echo

She was absolutely estatic to be spending her first Valentine's day with you

Several weeks prior she spent hours looking up different customs and what people normally did for their significant others

She even asked some of the more romantic and suave people she knew for advice

She noticed a lot of this holiday revolved around heats, something she didn't have, but that wouldn't discourage her!

You could see Echo's excitement the entire day as she took you to do all the things she's read as customary and taking you to your favorite places to eat.

You were glad she was so excited but it was all just a bit overwhelming

But for the finale of the night Echo took you on a small boat ride in the sunset as suggested by the internet

She wanted to try and use some of the romantic lines she'd heard used by ending up tweaking it so it made sense to her

Echo turned towards you as you two were adrift and confidently said,

"If I had a heart, it would beat for you!"

It was surprisingly romantic and she had a sweet smile on her face as she watched your reaction.

"Don't worry my heart beats loud enough for the two of us!" You teased causing her to let out a small chuckle.

She could get used to this.

[mangoisms]

i'll be the dangerous ledge (you be the parachute)

━ chapter eight: you are beautiful like i’ve never seen | read chapter seven

━ pairing: tim drake x f!reader

━ word count: 5.6k

━ warnings: none

━ masterlist

The first day of the four-day series between the Gotham Knights and the Metropolis Monarchs is soon upon you.

Like usual, Knights fans show up for their team. Even if they suck and have, on average, the worst win-loss record in the entire MLB, well. Gothamites take loyalty seriously. And you get it, anyway. Only you can say they suck miserably. Not the pretentious jerks who came down from Metropolis to jeer at the Knights. 

“They’re just jealous,” you say, sulkily biting into a pretzel, then offering it to Tim wordlessly as your eyes scan the packed stands. To your pleasure, despite the likely outcome of today’s game — and this series, the first one between the two teams finally taking place in Gotham — you see that those dressed in grey and blue, the Knights’ colors, outnumber those in Monarchs colors, which are white and red. 

He takes a bite, then, around a mouthful of pretzel, asks, “Why would they be jealous?”

“Metropolis got passed up to hold the All-Star game this summer. Which makes sense. They held it already a few years ago and Gotham’s never held it.”

“Sure.” Tim sips the absurdly large cup of Zesti, then offers you some. They were out of Soder, to your displeasure and his amusement. Still, you don’t say no, leaning over to wrap your mouth around the straw, your eyes still looking out at the field. With it being May, spring is in full-force and will soon be replaced with summer, though today, tendrils of it are already creeping in, humidity stifling you, along with the beaming heat of the sun. 

You’re in jean shorts and a Knights jersey, unbuttoned with a white camisole underneath, along with the Knights ballcap you bought last time, situated backwards over your hair. Finally, with a beat-up pair of Converse, you have a pair of black crew socks patterned with the Wonder Woman symbol. You are quite fond of her. All the Wonder ladies, really. Strong, beautiful women who can kick your ass to the moon and back — what more can anyone ask for? You’d said the same thing to Tim when he saw your socks and teased you about them. He found that very funny, though you aren’t totally sure why. 

The one in question is dressed in a maroon t-shirt, jeans, and a pair of surprisingly beat-up Vans, finished with the Gotham Knights cap you bought for him the last time you two were here. He wears his properly, though, unlike you, with the bill carefully hiding his face from any prying eyes. The air in the stadium is so charged with tension from the oncoming match, though, you doubt even if he took it off, no one would notice. 

“Bet you twenty the benches clear,” he says.

“That’s not even a question, Drake. Try better.”

“Alright… I say, the benches clear before the fourth inning.”

You squint thoughtfully, then nod. “I say after. You’re on.” 

The benches do clear after the fourth inning. But only in the ninth, both teams showing a, frankly, incredible amount of restraint despite the tense game that had them, shockingly enough, neck-and-neck. 

By the ninth inning, both teams were tied 4-4. But a grounder at the bottom of the inning allowed the player on third base to make it home, effectively breaking the tie. The stadium exploded into noise, the Knights themselves celebrating, too, and one thing led to another and then both teams were spilling onto the field, fists flying. 

Look, you aren’t saying the Monarchs are weaker because they’re from Metropolis. But the truth of the matter is, most of the Knights’ team is made up of Gotham natives and, well, this is Gotham. Can’t go around defenseless, not with the likes of the Joker, Scarecrow, Two-Face and more. More than that, you just think, in general, as being a team often at the bottom of the barrel… they must be holding in a lot of anger. 

And by the blood you two see, that anger is coming out full-force. Not at all helped by the tension among fans, who cheer on their teams, of course, but then…

Tim’s hand tightens around yours warily as a Monarchs and Knights fan start yelling at each other near you.

“I think,” he murmurs, lips near your ear in a way that has your heart stuttering, “we should go before we get our asses kicked.”

“You’re saying you wouldn’t protect me?”

“I don’t assume that you are a person who explicitly needs my protection. But if you ask…”

“Aw, no. Wouldn’t want anything to happen to your pretty face.” Fists start flying. You pull your legs in as someone drops a cup of beer, feeling droplets of it against your skin. “Yeah. I think we should go.”

The two of you leave posthaste, along with a decent amount of people also trying to avoid trouble. 

“So,” Tim starts when the two of you are in the safety of his car, blue eyes twinkling with something like mischief. “Pretty, huh?”

You refuse to be embarrassed. It’s, like, a fact of life. Everyone knows this. The sky is blue, the grass is green, Tim Drake is ridiculously pretty. So pretty he practically reinvents the word every time you see him. God, you like him so much. 

“Yeah,” you sniff, crossing your arms. “So gimme my twenty bucks, pretty boy.”

Tim grins and gives you your twenty bucks and the two of you get the hell out of there. 

(“So, like, would you… want to go to the All-Star game?” he tries to ask you nonchalantly later that night.

“Tim.”

“Maybe I want to go to the All-Star game.”

“You don’t even like baseball.”

He opens and closes his mouth a couple times, knowing you caught him out, so, he ends up going for the kind of honesty that makes your breath catch. 

“Well, you do, so.”

You watch TV for a minute, trying to settle the raging feelings inside you.

“Alright… I’ll let you buy us tickets to it if you let me buy tickets to the Knights kickoff game when the season starts.”

“But you don’t like football.”

You give him a look that says Hello? Are you stupid? Because so what? He just said it. You like baseball, so he tolerates it. He likes football — or, well, the Knights — so you’d tolerate it, too.

He doesn’t get that, you think.

That you’d do anything for him.

But he can’t, for obvious reasons.

So, you’ll just have to remind him. 

And he understands, too, laughing. “Alright. Deal.”

You think he agrees so easily because the football season doesn’t start until September and it’s only the middle of May. 

But little does he know, you will in fact be saving up money for the tickets and you will be hunting Reddit forums for tips on seating and ticket dealers, thank you very much.)

(Also, the Knights manage to win the next game, and you say manage, because a handful of them were suspended for fighting, along with a handful from the Monarchs; but you suppose that evens the playing field.

They lose the two after, but no one really cares. It’s nice to be able to win a game. And also a little bit nice to have seen the fight that unfolded between the two.)

The nice thing about teaching social studies is that the state of New Jersey does not require an assessment test for it. The only tests they require, starting from third grade to ninth grade, are for the English Language Arts, Math, and Science — the New Jersey Student Learning Assessments, otherwise shortened to NJSLA and colloquially known as the SLA’s.

The SLA’s are taken in the spring semester, in the second to last week of school in June. While your fellow teacher aides and teachers scramble to prepare reviews and ensure the students are ready, you and Ms. C can, for the most part, kick back and relax. Final grades are due next week but you two have them ready, so you don’t have to stress about it.

Still, it’s not all great as you feel the usual guilt that comes with watching teachers and students alike fret over the tests. It is collectively known that the standardized tests aren’t indicative of anything at all and Gotham Pointe is the kind of school that wanted to move away from measuring knowledge with tests, but they are state mandated and so, unavoidable.

To that end, you and Ms. C agree to not make class stressful for any of the kids in the lead-up to the tests and you think you succeed for the most part. You get roped into proctoring for the eighth graders, who scare you much more than the sixth graders, and you’re pretty sure they could tell, too, so that’s just great… It’s easy work anyhow, if not boring and procedural. 

But soon, the SLA’s are taken and done with and you are about to enter the final week of the semester. 

The weekend calls for highs in the eighties and the familiar cloak of humidity that will only get heavier as you approach the height of the summer. Gotham has brutal winters that dry out your lips terribly and unforgiving summers that make you sweat from every pore you have. 

But with it being only the first weekend of June and spare cloud cover that gives the occasional break from the sun, the weather is pleasant. Pleasant enough for you to decide to brave your allergies and convince Tim to have a picnic at Robinson Park. Cleaned up directly following the earthquake by Lex Luthor and then again recently by Wayne Enterprises, it has become a nice place in the city to visit. As nice as it can get in Gotham, anyway.

The park takes up a fairly sizable swath of central Gotham, east of the Upper East Side and south of Coventry. Not as far as Otisburg, where the Knights Stadium is, which is part of the northernmost area of the city. (Well, the northernmost area is probably, to be accurate, Bristol, the neighborhood where Gotham’s wealthiest reside, but you digress.)

You and Tim occupy a small, quiet area on the south side of the park. A large tree and perfectly-cut shrubs hide you from the prying eyes of others. 

The park is bursting with greenery, a breath of fresh air — literally and figuratively. The healthy trees and shrubs and freshly-cut grass remind you that New Jersey is technically known as ‘the Garden State.’ Hard to remember when you’re downtown Gotham, standing among towering skyscrapers, brightly-lit screens, and smoggy skies, but here, it is a nice reminder. 

You say this idly to Tim as you two eat an early dinner — caprese sandwiches he made, with lemonade brought back from the manor, courtesy of one Alfred Pennyworth, and the freshest strawberries you have ever had the pleasure of looking at and eating. 

He nods at your words, wiping his mouth with a napkin. “Ever since No Man’s Land, the park’s thrived. Nothing ever dies.”

“That’s not ominous at all. And… what about No Man’s Land?”

No Man’s Land, the cataclysmic earthquake that struck Gotham City several years ago — like when you were fifteen or something — that caused the death of millions and displaced even more. Though, you might say that is because of the US government’s response. Instead of continuing to fund rescue efforts and help, they abandoned Gotham, turned it into No Man’s Land. No longer part of the United States and those who stayed also exiled. Of course, many didn’t exactly have a choice…

The city has since been rebuilt, with all buildings built stronger — earthquake proofed. When it happened, the only buildings left standing were the ones owned and built by WE because Bruce Wayne specifically called for them to be earthquake-proof. He was also the last to leave, the last to fight in front of Congress. If not for the philanthropic efforts he does around the city, then for that, you have real respect for him. 

Tim shrugs, sipping his lemonade. “Apparently, Poison Ivy camped out here for the entirety of it. She left eventually when the city opened again but since, the park’s been healthy. Even during winter.”

“Huh,” you say. The conclusion is obvious, then, that she might have something to do with it. Well. You’ve heard she’s leaned more morally grey these days. Still wanted by the police and all but… you don’t know. It’s a nice notion, to keep some of the only greenery in the city healthy no matter the season. 

You’ve never frequented Robinson Park before now — again, allergies — but Tim often looks too pale for your liking and now that he isn’t working at WE, you are more inclined to get him out of Rose Oaks. Even at the risk of a stuffy nose and watery eyes that’ll bother you tomorrow. 

You finish your sandwich and lemonade, help yourself to more than a few strawberries, which are a delicious mix of sweet and tangy, then lay down, sprawling out on the blanket. Well. Not totally sprawling out. The sundress you wear doesn't allow for that. Yeah, you are wearing spandex underneath but still. It’s the principle. No one is allowed to get an eyeful under your dress. Other than maybe Tim. Definitely Tim.

The thought makes your face warm and you shove it away, distracting yourself with grabbing a napkin and digging through your tote bag for your makeup bag. 

You dab at your mouth and open your compact mirror, checking for any food that might’ve caught on the darkly-tinted lip balm you’re wearing. Looks fine, though it’s faded towards the center from eating.

Tim sits upright next to you, his body twisted toward you and one hand planted on the blanket as he leans back on it. His eyes are elsewhere as he lifts a strawberry to his lips. Your eye twitches as he bites into it and some of the juice dribbles down his hand and nearly out the corner of his mouth — you say nearly because his tongue darts out, catching the droplets before they can fall, and you’re pretty sure a meteor could hit Gotham right now and you would absolutely be none the wiser.

Doesn’t help when he lifts his hand to his mouth, either, eyebrows furrowing slightly as he catches the trails of strawberry juice. Pink lips move, shaping words, but you don’t notice, because this has to be a new circle of hell or something, you don’t give a shit what Dante thinks, this is the worst. 

With concerted effort, you turn your eyes to your compact mirror and dig for your lip balm. 

Forgetting that he had said something while you were staring at him and wondering why god was so cruel, you jump when his jean-clad knee brushes the outside of your thigh, the texture rough against the softer skin there. 

“Wh-huh?”

You look at him and he’s finally looking at you, the sunlight doing too much for him in the way it sets off his pale skin and his dark hair, his eyes a softer shade of blue than you’ve ever seen, like the sky in Metropolis, considerably less smoggy than Gotham’s. He’s cleaning his hands with a wet wipe — yes, he seriously brought wet wipes because he said ‘eating fruit is serious business’ — lips quirked as he gazes down at you.

“Did you hear me?”

“No. What did you say?”

“I said, do you know what that tree is?” he asks, nodding to the tree next to you, tall in height with faintly yellowed leaves.

You squint. “Should I…?”

“I guess not,” he says. “You’re more into social studies than science.”

You’re also not him, brain stuffed full with the oddest of facts. 

No one is like him. But this is thought with a ridiculous amount of fondness, as par the course. There is little he does that annoys you and info-dumping about some odd thing that grabbed his attention is not one of those things.

“So, you know, then?” you ask, lifting the lip balm to your mouth and reapplying it, a tad distracted as you keep an ear out for him.

“It's shagbark hickory. Carya ovata. Look at the trunk.”

You look at the tree trunk. 

“See how the bark is peeling and a little weird? That’s how you can tell.” 

“Kinda creepy, isn’t it?”

He exhales a laugh. “Yeah, I guess so.”

You turn your head, eyes scanning for another tree. You spot one some distance away, a pretty thing with white flowers blooming on the branches, reminding you vaguely of a cherry blossom.

“What about that one?” 

Silence meets your words. Your eyes flicker from the tree back to him. “Tim?”

Instead of looking at the tree you pointed out, he is looking at you. Not just at your face but your —

“Sorry,” he says quietly, lifting a hand to you. “You just have some lip balm right here…”

Just as he finishes speaking, his thumb slowly swipes the underside of your mouth, the slightly calloused pad of his thumb just barely catching the actual skin of your lips in a way that sparks a fire inside of you. 

There is no way for you to save face, you think dimly, and you know that to be utterly true as your eyes then find his thumb as he pulls back. On the pale skin, the smudge of your darkly-tinted lip balm stands out. 

You meet his eyes again in the next second and they seem a shade darker, more like the blue waters of Metropolis Harbor instead of their clear skies. It’s more than that, though, it’s the look in them, the weight of his gaze, like a physical thing, burning straight through you, and the urge to be close to him, to press your lips to his, is monumental, practically religious, like even that wouldn’t be enough, like the only way you might be satisfied is if you two were one, cells and atoms intermingling.

You want so much.

Too much that you can have.

The shriek of laughter from a child shatters the moment and he looks away quickly. Your heart pounds out of your chest, face unbearably hot. For him, too, red rises high in his cheeks, not doing anything to detract from your attraction. Exacerbating it, if anything. 

You raise your eyes to the sky, closing your eyes, trying to calm yourself.

Next to you, Tim clears his throat and suddenly flops down beside you with a grunt, arm brushing yours.

“White flowering dogwood.”

“Huh?” you ask, eyes opening as you glance at him. He’s looking up at the sky, allowing you a view of his sharp jawline, the slope of his nose, and the press of his full, pink lips. God…

“The tree,” he says, voice a little rough. “The one you asked about. It’s white flowering dogwood. Cornus florida. It can be pink, too, but, well, as you can tell, that one is white.”

“Uh-huh.”

“Yeah.”

You loathe the slight awkwardness that falls over you in that following silence. He seems to dislike it as well as he clears his throat. 

“You were right about this,” he says, voice back to normal, soft, soothing tenor, music to your ears. “It’s nice.”

“A little vitamin C does wonders for the mood. And complexion.” You pause. “Your complexion, to be clear —”

“Alright, alright,” he says, faintly amused. “I get it. I’m pale.”

The silence that unfolds in that next moment is considerably lighter, more comfortable. You force yourself to relax, crossing your ankles idly. 

“Any plans for the summer?” he asks after a couple minutes.

“Hmm, no, not really. Probably pick up a few more classes. Might visit my family.”

In the corner of your eye, he nods. “If you get any more of those offers to bring someone, count me in.”

“Yeah?” 

“Well…” he trails off and you turn your head as he moves, a hand digging through his bag. The sound of something crinkling, before he pulls out an object wrapped in wrapping paper, the same kind you use in class for finished products, that way they don’t break.

A grin pulls sharply at your lips as you take it from him. 

“It didn’t turn out so bad,” he says, a smile in his voice, though your eyes are on the mug, which you eagerly unwrap. 

You can’t help your gasp. “Tim…”

The mug the two of you shaped is no longer dull grey clay, soft and malleable, but hard and durable; you still hold it gingerly, smoothing your thumb over the now-smooth surface. Underlaid by a soft shade of blue, the mug is iridescent, glimmering green, blue, yellow, purple, and many more colors, almost like the surface of the water.

“I had to get some help,” he admits. “But I got the hang of it eventually. Despite this little… imperfection —” he reaches out to brush a finger over the lip of the mug, where it’s a bit wonky “— I think it turned out nice.”

“Told you,” you say, your matter-of-fact words belied by the soft wonder in your expression. “Perfection is a false ideal. And boring. This is beautiful, Timmy. Seriously. Thank you.”

“‘Course,” he says softly, a kind of warmth in his voice that makes your heart skip a beat.  

You look at the mug a little longer, taken at how it shines under the sun, then wrap it up again, passing it back to him. He puts it away. 

Warmed at the thought he put into the mug, you two sink into a truly comfortable silence, broken by the laughter of children nearby, the distant and usual wail of sirens, and the chirp of birds.

He hums thoughtfully. 

“What?”

“The birds.”

“Let me guess, you’re an expert in birds, too?” 

“Something like that,” he says softly. “Listen.”

“I’m listening.”

Multiple birds chirp in that following silence. Quick, repetitive.

You scrunch your face up. “Pretty sure I’ve heard this one, like, every morning.”

He lets out a soft chuckle. “Downy Woodpecker. Very common.”

You hum in acknowledgment, able to pick it out now that he’s put a name to it. The two of you lapse into silence again, a concentrated sort of energy coming from him as he focuses on something.

“Ah,” he murmurs, as another call joins. “Now this is a treat…”

“Share, share.”

“Any guesses?”

“Pigeon.”

He exhales a laugh. “Not even close.”

“Social studies. Not science. Or whatever that area could be classified as. Zoology?”

“Ornithology,” he says, because of course he knows the correct name, his arm brushing yours as he drops it to his side, like yours is. Fingers brush yours. You don’t pull away, allowing your pinky to skim his before his fingers slide against yours, filling the gaps. Your heart stutters as you let yourself bask in the contact, then attempt to focus on the bird call that just joined the Woodpeckers.

It’s not as repetitive or quick as the other one, calmer, in a sense.

“What is it?” you ask, voice unknowingly dropping into a whisper. 

Tim’s voice is just as low when he next speaks. “American Robin. Relatively common, too.”

His thumb rubs over your fingers right after, making your chest tighten with warmth, so all you can do is pinpoint the call of the Robin, that clear string of whistles the only sound in the silence. 

He is quiet for some time after, the both of you listening to the Robins and Woodpeckers sing. But eventually, he picks it up again, easily singling out bird calls and putting names to them.

You two spend several hours there, mostly dozing, but towards seven, you find yourself filled with perhaps too much sun and warmth, so he suggests something cold. You pack up and drop your things off in his car — you grimace at the grass clinging to the blanket and the way the blades of it catch on the material in the trunk but Tim waves a hand at it, unbothered, saying it’s not an issue. For him, with the ability to easily afford car washes and interior cleanings, you believe it. 

He pops by a Wawa’s to gas up while you search for nearby frozen treats but you get distracted by the attendant in the neon vest that quickly comes over to gas up the car. 

“This is why I could never get a car,” you say, watching the attendant punch the premium grade — at Tim’s request — then pull out the nozzle. “We didn’t have this so sometimes my parents made me fill up the car and I hated it. Something about it just makes me nervous. Like I know I’m pressing it for gasoline but I’m like… What if it did a little switchy-switchy and now I’m filling the tank with diesel and now it’s ruined and my dad’s going to kill me.”

Tim looks fondly amused. “So, shouldn’t the act of someone else doing it for you help?”

“No. Not even a little bit. Because yeah, I am nervous, but at least it’s me. We all grow up with different ways of doing this and I dunno. Besides,” you say, craning your neck to watch the attendant stand idly by the gas pump, numbers ticking rapidly as the tank fills up; the price makes you grimace. “This kind of feels like a safety risk, at least here in Gotham. What if they put in diesel?”

“Well, the good thing about that is they’re liable for it. So, I would think that makes it easier.”

You grunt. “I guess. I just think it’s a tricky thing, okay.”

He shakes his head, smiling. “Have you found anything?”

“Just some fro-yo places.”

“Fro-yo’s cold.”

“Yeah, but it’s fro-yo. I don’t want discount diet ice cream, I want ice cream. The whole concept of fro-yo is questionable.”

Tim laughs. “Who knew you had such strong opinions on New Jersey’s self-servicing laws and frozen yogurt?”

You flush, because despite the tease, he looks fond, and that’s too much for you after everything today, so you grumble a little bit and turn your eyes back to your phone.

The two of you end up at an ice cream parlor in the Upper East Side. Tim gets mint chocolate chip ice cream, much to your horror. 

“That’s basically toothpaste. You might as well brush your teeth then eat some chocolate.”

“Okay, drama queen. Relax. Maybe if you tried some —” the red spoon waves under your nose as he gets in close and you turn your head, bracing a hand on his chest, though you aren’t trying that hard to push him away. You find yourself noting the muscle there, something you’ve noticed since the two of you slept together on the couch. Tim has a lithe frame but there is no shortage of power, evidenced in the way he can easily carry a large pack of water bottles without losing breath. You can carry it, but even you have your limits for how long, limits he easily surpasses, you suspect.

The car doors unlock as you near it, parallel parked perfectly (and he made it look easy, too, though you won’t give him much credit on the driving front since he’s a little too much for you) in front of the ice cream parlor. Tim had asked if you’d ever driven the scenic route up in Bristol, to which you responded of course you hadn’t. That’s all the way north of the city, off the interconnected islands entirely. Much too far for you, at least with your bike. So, he matter-of-factly said that’s what you two were going to do and maybe if you stuck around long enough, you could see the sunset from there. It sounds awfully romantic but you try not to think about that.

Instead, you redouble your efforts on teasing him as the two of you pause by the car.

“Bleh. I’m not going to ruin my taste buds with that. You should try this.” You scoop out some of your ice cream, lifting it to him. 

“Chocolate chip cookie dough. Revolutionary. You’re really breaking barriers there.”

“It’s classic, Timothy. Do you deny that?”

“Have you even tried mint chocolate chip?” he shoots back, spoon still proffered. “Instead of, you know, jumping on the hating bandwagon.”

“Wow.”

He grins, stepping closer, wiggling the spoon at you. “Try it.”

And the mistake here, of course, is thinking that you have it in you to deny him. At least for something as unserious as this. 

And he can see the moment you give in, grin turning victorious as he lifts the spoon and you, with your face flaring with heat at the action, only just barely realizing it, have no choice but to take it. 

But the sharp minty flavoring combined with the sweetness of the chocolate chips saves it — you — from getting too weird.

Tim laughs, delighted, as you swallow it, face scrunched up in disgust. 

“I almost feel like you picked that one to torment me.”

“Tormenting you is fun,” he agrees, before dropping his spoon back into his cup, then taking your wrist, hand still holding the forgotten spoonful of ice cream, and guiding it to his mouth.

“You don’t deserve the goodness of my ice cream,” you say, forcing a scowl and a light-hearted glare in a desperate attempt to control the tidal wave of fizzling heat that envelops your insides at him doing that. Mostly his gall. Seriously what is up with him…

It seems to work as he releases your wrist, red spoon cleaned from his mouth — that’s going to haunt you while you eat — and he laughs again. 

You punch his chest lightly, grumbling, then go around him, checking the street for any oncoming cars before going to the passenger door. 

Tim slides in a second later, still chuckling as he turns on the car and leaves his cup of ice cream in the cupholder. You bluster about it for a little but eventually agree to help feed him some of it, since the drive might take a while. Along with that, he lets you commandeer his phone and the music, naturally turning on ABBA as he pulls out and starts for the Sprang Bridge that’ll take you to the northernmost island, with Otisburg and the Knights Stadium in the east and Burnley and Park Row to the west. Continuing north, you hit the Kane Bridge that’ll take you off the islands entirely.

Take A Chance On Me plays on the speakers as you dutifully spoon the last bits of Tim’s ice cream into his mouth, then set the cup aside. Traffic slows you down but you don’t mind. You’ve never actually crossed this bridge, you think, in your entire time here. To the east is Amusement Mile and Gotham River, while west shows the rest of the Atlantic, dark waters stretching out into oblivion.

Tim hums the song idly, barely sparing a glance over his shoulder as he moves into the left lane that is going faster than the one you are currently in. Even with his admittedly reckless and impatient driving skills, you are nothing less than smitten as he taps the rhythm to the song on the steering wheel. 

Hiding a smile, you finish your own ice cream and get comfortable. 

It takes a while to finally get off the bridge and onto the two-lane road for Bristol. Considerably higher in elevation, it affords you exactly what he said — a scenic route of Gotham, overlooking the entire island. Even Metropolis, off in the distance. The sun is starting to set, too, washing everything in gold. 

At that, he pulls off the main road to a small gravel-filled area with no other cars and a single path that leads through the woods. 

“I guess this is the time you’re going to finally murder me and dispose of my body?”

“Naturally. But only after we watch the sunset on Spillkin Hill,” he says, unbuckling his seatbelt and turning off the car.

“Ah, of course, of course.”

The trail leads to a grassy hill that overlooks the city. Tim brings out the blanket again and you collapse there, a little sweaty and a little out of breath. He offers you a drink from his water bottle, which you gladly accept. 

From here, you can see everything. The Kane Bridge, with bumper-to-bumper traffic, Amusement Mile, rollercoasters arching high into the sky, Knights Stadium, sun glinting off the metal, floodlights on and bright. Up here, away from the true reality of what goes on in the dark, the city looks beautiful washed in the golden light of the sunset.

So does Tim, you think, breath catching in your throat as a breeze ruffles his dark hair and your fingers twitch to run through it, to put it back into order. His skin glows under the light, thick lashes casting shadows over the swell of his cheeks, cornflower blue eyes softened in a way that makes you want to lean in. 

You don’t.

Instead, you look back out, biting at the inside of your cheek. 

You had thought and hoped that your feelings might be short-lived, just a crush, just an infatuation, but what you are learning, since the day you two went to the rec center, since he spent the night, is that it will not be that simple. These feelings, you think, are the kind that stick with you, the ones that will make themselves known every time you spy a flowering dogwood or hear the call of a Robin. 

But that’s fine. Tim has brightened your world, made it that much warmer. You just want him, in any capacity that you can have him.

Even with his odd behavior today and from the last few weeks, behavior that has you second-guessing… Hope is a dangerous thing to have in Gotham City, after all.

But who are you kidding, right? That’s half the reason you stay here. 

And maybe, just maybe, it can finally pay off here.

You’ll have to wait and see. 

━ end notes

1. the stuff about the state tests for NJ — i did search that stuff up, however, the SLA stuff i just made up bc i like acronyms. so :D also! new jersey and oregon are in fact the only states in the us with self-service laws still in place, so basically, you cannot fill up your own gas. i always have a chuckle when i remember that LMAO

2. about the poison ivy thing, i just thought that would be some Fun Gotham Lore. i also don’t know if others would know, exactly, that she was inhabiting it during no man’s land because during that event, it was all hush-hush and mostly rumors, but afterward, there had to be more talk about it, especially when the kids she was taking care of were turned over to officials, you know?

3. here’s a website where you can listen to the calls of both the downy woodpecker and the robin mentioned here!

reblogs are appreciated!

[seeminglyranch87]

Taylor & Travis Timeline

October 2023 - part 2

October 16 - Travis and Jason attend Game 1 of NCLS in Philadelphia

People Magazine release an article (x)

"Taylor's unlike anyone Travis has dated before," 

"It was very unexpected for his friends, but he's so into her and very, very happy."

The insider continues, "Some people thought he was just joking around about the bracelet and having a crush on her earlier this summer, but he was serious about it," referring to Travis' attempt to give Taylor a friendship bracelet with his number on it at her Eras Tour in KC

They are "having a great time getting to know one another"

"They make a very cute couple."

Another People article is released the same day (x)

"They've been texting and talking on the phone between the pockets of time they get to spend with each other,"

"[Travis] knows what he signed up for with this attention, but they've spent time under the radar too. They're giving things a real try,"

Rumours circulate that Travis and Taylor have looked at a house up for sale together (x) as reported by Jenna Bush Hagar on the NBC talk show; Today with Hoda & Jenna.

“A friend from Kansas City texted me there might be news they’re buying a house,”

October 18 - New Heights Podcast episode 59 (x)

Travis & Jason talk about security (timestamp 5:30)

Jason Kelce asks his brother Travis "Have you had to enact any security of your own? Do you feel like you're a security guard when you are with Taylor?"

Travis responded, "I feel like whenever I'm on a date, I'm always having the sense that I'm a man in the situation. I'm protective, yeah, for sure. You always have to have that feeling or self-awareness, I guess."

Travis is trolled by intern Brandon (see photo below)

Travis and Jason have a laugh about Taylor meeting their dad Ed and wondering what he would talk to her about? (45:10)

Travis reveals that he and Taylor’s cameos on SNL were not planned. They had attended the recording of Season 49’s premiere episode in support of good friend and feature musical guest Ice Spice. (1:14:05)

Taylor releases "The Cruelest Summer" playlist which includes Cruel Summer live from the the Era's Tour and Cruel Summer - The LP Giobbi Remix in a bid for Number 1. (x)

ET publishes an article (x)

"They have a lot of fun together and [Taylor] loves how chivalrous [Travis] is," the source says. "Taylor feels at ease with Travis and they are already very comfortable around each other."

ET's source notes that "it's been easy" for Taylor and Travis "to connect because they have similar values and goals when it comes to their personal lives and careers."

Rumours continue to circulate that Travis has bought a $6 million home in Kansas City that provides more privacy and security and that he took Taylor to view the property. (x)(x)

October 19 - ET is informed that the duo is fully committed to their relationship and the future (x)

"Travis and Taylor are all in. The two are very into each other and are enjoying their time together but are also planning for the future. Taylor starts her international tour in November, and Travis is planning to be there to spend time with her," the source says. "Travis and Taylor are very serious about their careers, and the two bond over that and want to show support for each other whenever they can."

During week 10 of the NFL season, Travis and the Kansas City Chiefs enjoy a bye week, providing him with a brief respite. Coincidentally, during this very week, Taylor is set to take the stage for three consecutive nights in Buenos Aires, Argentina, from Nov. 9 to 11, marking her debut international Era Tour performances. This fortunate scheduling overlap grants Travis the opportunity to be in attendance.

Taylor papped in LA dining at a sushi restaurant with Zoë Kravitz, Selena Gomez & Keleigh Teller

October 20 - Travis Kelce answers questions at the Chiefs press conference (x 3:50)

When asked about his appearance on SNL Travis replied (8:00)

"it was funny, obviously I didn't know what was going to go down and just decided to hit SNL last second and they asked if I wanted to end the skit that was about me and Taylor's take over of the NFL games which was hilarious, I loved every bit of it and I was laughing my tail off during the skit, to be honest I don't even remember saying anything..."

Travis was also asked what he recommended people wear to dress up like him as a halloween costume, he suggests a moustache, 87 chiefs jersey and a friendship bracelet. (8:44)

Travis reveals

"I had [a moustache] when I first met Taylor"

US Weekly article (x) a source says about Travis and Taylor

“They’re really happy. They’re not saying they’re in love yet. But it’s obvious to her friends they’re heading in that direction,” noting that their loved ones see Swift, 33, and Kelce’s strong connection when they are together. “Friends think they’re in love.”

“He’s going to see her when she’s back on tour. That’s already planned. And when she gets a break, she’ll see him,” the source adds. “It’s going so well because it’s easy and nothing is complicated.”

“Taylor is really happy and excited about Travis. She’s at the relationship stage where she looks forward to seeing him, getting calls from him, spending time with him,” the source continues. “She has butterflies in her stomach and she hasn’t had that in a while. She feels safe and comfortable around him physically and emotionally.”

The insider notes that Kelce has surprised Swift with how “in tune” he is with her needs. The athlete has also been “a gentleman” toward Swift since he revealed in July his attempt to make a move on Swift while attending her Eras tour concert. “Travis is someone who is so different for her. With him it’s easy. She doesn’t have to worry about anything,”

He has his own career and money. So he’s not with her for the wrong reasons. He has his own successful career and understands the demands,” the insider concludes. “There’s no drama and they’re happy. He’ll visit, she’ll visit. It’s working for them.”

October 22 - Chiefs v Chargers, Arrowhead Stadium, Kansas City. Taylor flies into KC to cheer on Travis and the Chiefs as they take on the Chargers at Arrowhead Stadium.

Taylor is photographed with Bernie Kosar at Travis home pregame (x).

Taylor appears to have had a brilliant time supporting Travis at the Sunday afternoon game joining Brittany Mahomes and others. The Chiefs defeated the LA Chargers 31- 17 with Travis scoring a touch down to cement the win. Taylor wore a "87" friendship bracelet in support of Travis.

Chiefs coach Andy Reid addresses the press commenting on the Chiefs win (x 2:16)

"Kelce keeps getting better with time, Taylor can stay around all she wants"

Taylor and Travis leave Arrowhead Stadium together in Travis' Rolls Royce (x)

tay and trav in the getaway cart

Taylor and Travis celebrate the win at Travis KC home photographed with Chiefs teammate Mecole Hardman Jr. and Chariah Gordon (x)

Taylor changed shoes to be part of a group of teammates, WAGs and close friends of the KC Chiefs wearing custom red nikes. It's so nice to see Taylor be included in this way! (via @taylorswiftstyle and Aric Jones on instagram)

The Messenger reports (x)

" [Travis and Taylor] are both smitten and can't keep their hands off one another when they are together," the source said. "They aren't scared to be affectionate in public."

October 23 - Cruel Summer hits No. 1 on the Billboard Hot 100! Cruel Summer hits this milestone 5 years after it was released from the 2019 Lover album. Taylor and Jack Antonoff (who helped produce the song and long time friend) celebrate with a post (x). Notice they are in a recording studio in LA (last week) and are being way too cryptic holding up 11 fingers... TS 11 anyone?

People speak with Ed Kelce, Travis' dad (x)

Ed tells PEOPLE that the “Karma” singer is “a very, very sweet, very charming, down-to-earth young woman."

His initial impression that Swift is “very genuine" was proven right upon his first meeting with the singer.

“I’ll tell you something very special that I noticed about Taylor the first time I met her,” Ed shares. “We're sitting in the suite, she gets up and in the front room, she gets up to go get a drink or something and she starts picking up empty bottles, cans, plates that are scattered around. Because in the suites everybody gets stuff and you empty it down wherever you can.” Ed continues, “And I'm just thinking, I don't think she got the diva memo. She didn't get the spoiled musician. She doesn't know how to pull that off. And that really to me said a whole lot.”

Travis and Taylor are papped hand in hand heading out for dinner Monday evening at Piropos, an Argentine Steak House. Travis is seen opening the car door for Taylor. (x)

Victor Oladipo believes Taylor Swift makes Travis Kelce better (x)

October 25 - Ed Kelce speaks with ET (x)

"I think they are two very, very driven professional individuals," he says. "I think they're very supportive of each other, which is key. This is a rough time for either one of them to have a relationship. She's in the middle of this ginormous tour, he's knee deep [in the NFL season]. At least he takes his just as serious as she takes hers as far as commitment to their craft."

Ed believes that Taylor's pre-concert ritual of preserving her voice -- which Travis claims is the reason he was unable to present her with a friendship bracelet -- shows how dedicated and understanding she is when it comes to her career. 

"I think she's very committed to that," he says of the "Anti-Hero" songstress. "And I think Travis supports that. And I think she realises how committed Travis is to sleep, 10 hours a day, when your body is going through this kind of thing. So I think they're both very supportive."

And should the Chiefs make it to the Super Bowl...

"Without a doubt," he says about saving a seat for Tay. "She'll be in the middle of the Eras Tour so..."

And if Ed himself should ever make it to the Eras Tour, he'll be singing "You Belong With Me," as he revealed that it's his favorite song of hers.

"Being genuine with your feelings," he tells ET of the dating advice he gave Travis and Jason. "Being respectful of a woman, and that's taught from a young age. Be yourself, be honest with someone's emotions. But these are all things that they've understood growing up just being the norm."

Episode 60 of New Heights airs, part of the episode title is "Travis Reacts to “Swift Stats"" (x 56:20)

In response to whether National Tight End day is a real holiday, Jason tweets

October 26 - Taylor is seen out in NYC. She is at Bradley Cooper's apartment with Shawn Levy, Blake Lively, Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman. That night, Taylor goes out for dinner with Alana and Danielle Haim at Holiday Bar, NYC (x)

Patrick Mahomes says that he wants to have a secret handshake with Travis after his wife Brittany and Taylor went viral for theirs (x)

“I need to talk to Travis, because me and Travis don’t even have a handshake yet,” Patrick, 28 said during a radio interview with Kansas City’s KCSP (610 AM) on Thursday, October 26. “So I mean, they’re ahead of the game on us. So we’re gonna have to get on the whiteboard, and we’re gonna figure out a handshake so that we can try to one up theirs.”

Go to previous update -> October 2023 Part 1

Go to next update -> October 2023 Part 3

Return to timeline

[canirove]

Mason Mount Imagine | six

Author’s note: Wrote this the other day after watching a video of Zinchenko here on tumblr talking about his proposal to his wife, and how it didn’t worked out the way he had wanted it to. So that’s the summary of this imagine, a proposal that didn’t go as the reader (female in this case) had planned 😅 Hope you like it and thank you for reading! 💜

Masterlist  

"Wait, so you want to propose to Mason during an interview?

"Yes, but a fake one. The camera will be recording but there will be no signal."

"Ok…"

"Do you think he'll like it? You are his best friends, Dec. You know him better than anyone."

"He'll probably freak out, this isn't the usual, you know?" Declan chuckles. "But he loves you more than anything. He will definitely say yes."

"I hope so" I sigh. "And I also hope you win the game. Like, imagine you don't and when he comes talk to me he is gutted!"

"This national team is one of the weakest of the group, we should have an easy game. But we will do our best."

"Thank you" I smile. "Anyway, gotta go get everything ready for tomorrow. Don't say a word to him!"

"I won't. Pinky promise?"

"Pinky promise" I laugh, interlacing my finger with his.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━        

"Thank you very much, Declan."

"Cheers."

"And we are out" my camera man says.

"Dec, can we talk for a moment before you go do the other interviews?"

"Yes, sure" he says as we move away from the others.

"How is he?"

"Devastated."

"Devastated?"

"Yeah" Declan sighs. "He blames himself for today's loss."

"But he just missed a penalty! It wasn't all his fault!" 

"That's what I've told him, but you know him" he shrugs.

"Shit. Shit, shit, shit!"

"I guess you aren't proposing tonight, are you?"

"I…" 

"Hi, sorry to interrupt" says Eddie, England's photographer. "But they are wondering if your plan is still in motion. Mason doesn't seem to be in the best mood, to be honest."

"Wait, Eddie knows?" Declan asks me.

"Yeah, he does. He is an amazing photographer and I wanted to have him around."

"Thank you" Eddie smiles. "But what should I tell them? Do I ask them to bring Mason or…"

"No, don't. Tonight isn't the night."

"I'm so sorry" Declan says, giving my arm an encouraging squeeze. "I'm sure you'll find another cool way to ask him."

"Yeah" I whisper.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━        

"Hello, gorgeous."

"Hi" Mason mutters. 

"Ready to go home?"

"Yeah" he replies as he gets into the car.

"I was thinking that maybe we could get some pizza for dinner? You must be famished after the game."

"I'm not hungry."

"Mason… it wasn't your fault."

"But I missed the penalty that could have meant us winning the game!" 

"And Pickford made a mistake on the first goal, and the whole defense on the second one. Even if you had scored, it would had not changed anything."

"The mood would have been different."

"Or not. We will never know, so stop blaming yourself, ok?" I say, caressing his cheek.

"I'll try" he sighs.

━━━━━━❃━━━━━━        

"Mason, what… what are you doing up this late? It's 4 a.m." I yawn as I walk into the kitchen, the lights blinding me.

"I couldn't sleep because I was hungry, and came to see if we had something on the fridge."

"I told you we should have gotten that pizza."

"Yeah, I know. I ordered from a different place and it sucks."

"Wait, you bought pizza this late at night?"

"Yeah. There are places open 24 hours" he shrugs. 

"Bad places."

"Really bad places" he chuckles. "But something happened."

"Uh?" 

"I paid the delivery guy with your money because I couldn't find my wallet, and look what I found on your bag" Mason smiles, showing me a small box. 

"Oh shit" I say, suddenly feeling wide awake.

"This looks like a ring box. Why do you have a ring box on your bag? Did someone ask you to marry them?"

"What? No! No, no, no. It isn't like that."

"Then?" he asks, arching a brow.

"That… I…"

"Yes?"

"I was going to propose tonight" I blurt out.

"You what?"

"I had it all planned. We were going to ask you for an interview after the game, but it would be a fake one. And I was going to ask you to marry me while they recorded it and Eddie took some photos."

"Eddie knew?"

"And Declan. Since he is your best friend, I wanted his opinion."

"And what did he say?"

"That you would freak out, but say yes."

"Well, he wasn't wrong."

"What?" I say, finally daring to look him in the eyes.

"I want to marry you" Mason smiled, that cute dimple on his left cheek showing.

"Are you… are you sure?"

"Never been more sure of anything in my life. Should I open this box?"

"I… I guess" I say, still not believing what is happening.

"Oh, wow. It is gorgeous!"

"Well, you are gorgeous. It had to be a ring that fit its owner."

"Would you like to do the honours?"

"Yes, of course" I say, taking the ring from the box, my hands shaking a bit. Or a lot. "There you go."

"Perfect" Mason smiles. 

"I can't believe we just got engaged. At 4 a.m., in our kitchen, while I'm wearing my pajamas, and you are in your boxes and have hot sauce on the corner of your mouth."

"What?" Mason says, quickly touching his face.

"Let me do it" I laugh before cleaning his face. 

"Can I kiss you now?"

"You can" I giggle, putting my arms around his neck.

"This has been the best proposal ever, you know?"

"Better than my original plan?"

"Much better. I love you, future wife" Mason says, brushing his lips against mine.

"I love you too, future husband" I say before kissing him. 

[heymeowmao]

2024.02.23 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321325004680865644734

I'll stream for a small bit~~~~

bgm: 撞地球 (Earth Collision) by Yu Er Qi LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening! - /sings along/

bgm: Fall in Love LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Welcome! C: The beanie doesn’t look good. LYN: /smiles in pain/ There’s always a group of you causing me trouble. I just came here to stream and as soon as I’m here you have to nitpick at me? You can’t even let me wear a beanie? LYN: If you don’t like seeing it, then don’t watch. It’s not as if I collect tickets or anything, so you can watch if you want. I’m not trying to show off the beanie today, anyway. I’m trying to show off the microphone. :) Ning-ge bought a new mic and wants to show it off. 

bgm: 一念关山 - Richie Ren [YNGS OST] 

LYN: I didn’t really have a lot to do today, so we wrapped relatively earlier. It’s still not early, though. I just looked at the clock. It’s already 9p. This counts as a late night stream, then. I hope I can help you have a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. I just feel like I haven’t been streaming as regularly as I was before, so if I wrap early I want to stream more often. LYN: Oh- not holding anything in my hand feels weird. This mic has a stand- it’s high class. Now I’m not holding anything and my hands feel empty. C: How about you grab a string of beads? LYN: /claps/ Good idea! Wait for me~ :) LYN: No fighting back, I take your advice. Straight to rubbing beads. LYN: Some people who might be new friends- their reaction to “how about you grab a “chuan”?” was: “Oh. I thought you went to grab a lamb skewer.” You thought I was going to do a mukbang? Grab five lamb skewers and a bottle of beer? [t/n: it’s the same character for both, which makes sense because they’re both items lined up on stick/string: ​​串] - C: Lao-da, can you wish me a happy birthday? LYN: /softly/ Happy Birthday. Is it your birthday today? That’s nice. - LYN: If there’s anyone watching who has the same interest and likes to play with beads, you can grab yours and we’ll do it together.  - C: Lao-da, wish my son a happy birthday. LYN: /throws a look into the camera/ … I wish everyone who is celebrating their birthday today a Happy Birthday. I hope this year for you goes smoothly and happily.

LYN: I wrapped up a bit earlier today, and I think later in this crew that will be difficult to do, so I thought to come stream for a while. Even though it’s already 9p, but I still wanted to stream. Later when I’m tired, I’ll send myself to sleep. Don’t tell me to spend the new year with you (stream past 12a)- don’t give me that pressure and don’t try to morally kidnap me. When I’m tired, I’ll go to sleep. LYN: There’s nothing much going on, so I just came to chat. There’s nothing in particular I want to talk about, unlike when I had some things I wanted to come here to set the record straight about. There are no topics for today. I’m just here to chat.

C: Ning-ge, stream while you sleep. Don’t turn it off. LYN: I- you want me to sleep wearing this? I’d be uncomfortable. Forget it.

C: Ning-ge, is there not a copyright issue when you play other people’s songs? LYN: ?! First, there’s no monetary transactions going on in my stream, so it’s okay. If I were here for business, and received 400rmb from weibo to do this stream.. Let’s say they ask me, “Ning-ge. We'll give you 400rmb. Could you come do a stream on our platform on this date/time?” In that situation, any song I played or sang during my stream would face a copyright issue. But in a situation like now- I’m only playing the music (not having been paid or accepting monetary donations), I don’t think anyone would see that as a violation and sue me. It’s not worth it.

C: Xiao Ning-ge, you have 伤痛 (pain (from a wound)/sorrow) fans now. LYN: “I’ve heard people say, that longing is like the wind- it can go anywhere.” It’s that, right? I saw a bunch of people and different languages dubbing it and I thought, “Wow, so amazing.” There were some that really gave the emotion. They were really very great. My friends are all multi-talented! LYN: I saw a bunch of you also dubbing the clip and I also shared it. You all are so amazing. I admire you. [t/n: the video in reference: https://weibo.com/5456865382/O1kOv9DiN]

C: How’s your foot? LYN: My foot’s okay. Its just that I probably can’t dance anytime soon. You won’t be seeing any dance videos from me for the time being. My FOOT’s okay- but running is a no. Last time I sprained my ankle a little. Running is no good. It still gives echoing pain. Especially because I’m tall, so my balance is not great. If I’m not careful I can easily twist my ankle. C: You can no longer be a singer-dancer. LYN: Right.

C: Ning-ge, I’m on a plane. I can’t watch your stream. LYN: What are you telling me for?? Do you want me to feel regret, or that it’s a great pity? Or do you want me to say, “Don’t go. Get off that plane and watch my stream.” How do you want me to answer? You tell me. LYN: What are you telling me for? If you can’t watch because you’re on a plane, then don’t watch. When you get off the plane there will be the playback waiting for you. Why are you telling me this?? And spamming, too. Annoying!

C: Ning-ge, what date are you streaming until? LYN: I think you typed that wrong. You wanted to ask me what HOUR I’m streaming until, right? I’m only going to stream a small while. I only just started a few minutes ago. I’m here to chat and when I’m tired and sleepy I’ll go wash my face and go to sleep. 

C: You’re a little mean. LYN: That’s just how my streams are. But if you want me to be an obedient and nice big boy, I can be that, too. Do you want me to “pinch”? Not only can I “pinch” my voice, I can also “pinch” my character. I can act as a… very normal artist for you. I’ll do it. I can- I know how to do it all. C: Do it. LYN: Let’s not… last time I did it, it seems like a lot of you wanted to throw up. 

-- 奉上 (Offer) [YNGS OST]

LYN: I sang a song for a drama recently- it’s called 大理寺少卿游 (White Cat Legend), and the song is 莫问前程 (Don’t Ask About the Future). If you don’t have any dramas to watch, you can check this one out. - /starts a cat fight/ -- 莫问前程 (Don’t Ask About the Future) C: What song is this? LYN: I already said, it’s 莫问前程 (Don’t Ask About the Future), the theme song from a recently airing drama called 大理寺少卿游 (White Cat Legend). If you haven’t got anything to watch these days, you can check this one out. It’s good. I think it’s not bad at all.

C: The effect of the new mic is great! LYN: :D It’s not bad. 

C: Lao-da, why do you wear gloves when playing with beads? LYN: I’m the type of person who does a lot of homework when he starts something. These ones are called “feng yan” (phoenix eye) bodhi. These are very easily dirtied. Once your sweat gets on it, it will turn very dull and dark. So when I’m wearing these gloves, not only do I keep it clean but also the beads will turn a nice peach-red color. Not dirty. So I wear a glove for this one, but you wouldn’t wear a glove for all of them. For people who sweat easily from their hands, it will turn the beads dark. So I try to keep it nice. C: Ning-ge, please recommend good beads for a beginner. LYN: Do you think I’m a seller, and now I need to tell you all about it? C: How do you use Jingang Bodhi beads? LYN: If you’re using jingang bodhi beads then that means you’re trying to test me. There is no “how”- you can play with them however you want. C: Are there ones that are already finished? LYN: No. I only just started, a little more than 6 months ago. These beads are supposed to be done within 3 winters and 2 summers. LYN: What am I doing? I’m a singer. I’m an actor. Why am I telling you about bodhi beads now?? Now I seem like I’m trying to sell you something. // I’m a bead-playing singer. C: Liar. The ones you’ve finished you gave to other people. LYN: I didn’t give any away. These beads are usually done within three winters and two summers. By that time they’re red. I’ve only just been playing for half a year, now. It’s still early for me. The main purpose of them is to keep you company. 

bgm: 落了白 by Jiang Xue’er

LYN: With some of you, I fear that if you have nothing to say, you try to force it. If you really don’t know how to communicate with me, you can choose not to type anything at all. Or, you can comment with, “LYN is so handsome!” Someone just commented, “Ning-ge, your beanie looks like a pair of underpants.” … If you have nothing to say, don’t force it. Do you wear knit underpants? If you do, then post a pic of them on weibo so everyone can observe them. Wouldn’t they be uncomfortable?? Maybe wool (cashmere) ones would be okay?

C: Can you gift me with a string of beads? LYN: No way. Keep dreaming. Don’t even think about it.

C: Ning-ge, I’m exchanging ten years of being single for you to look at my comment. LYN: I saw you. Ten years of being single, for me to look at their comment. I saw it. LYN: Is that too petty?

C: The Truth S2. LYN: Yes, it’ll be shooting soon. We’ll start recording content this month, so that means that you’ll see my variety show later this year. I didn’t do any last year, even though I was planning on waiting for one… That one later failed to launch, so I didn’t end up going. I didn’t have much time anyway. I was planning on doing a variety this year, and The Truth happened to open up again, so I gave them my time. C: Are you still Liu Xialai? LYN: It’s all changed this year. The model has changed, and S2 is going to be a lot more flashy than S1 was. I thought S1 was already very amazing. But S2 this year will be even more interesting. The characters will play a lot more into the story this year. C: Is it scary? LYN: No, it won’t be. If it were, I wouldn’t go. C: You haven’t even started shooting yet, so how would you know? LYN: Before you agree to start on the show, you have to understand what it’s about and what you’re going to be doing on it… So I know some, and there definitely won’t be scary elements in it. If there is then I’ll just run. I won’t be recording anymore. I’d run away.

C: Ning-ge, when does ZLYM wrap? LYN: Soon. Another month or so? C: Then, when you wrap can you rest a bit? LYN: What do you consider as “rest”, though? If I have different work lined up, is it considered rest? I don’t think I can take too long of a break but, from this crew to the next I’m sure I’ll have a couple of days. I’ll go record my album, shoot for the variety show, and finish up a few endorsements. Probably just those few things. After which I’ll enter into the new crew, so I’d have to prepare for that. Like rehearsals and readings. 

C: The bgm is so loud. LYN: That’s why, you have to get used to watching my streams. I guess you haven’t seen very many. Our stream is not like the average artists’ livestream. Here it’s like a bar. Would you go to a bar to drink while I chat with you, then ask the owner to turn the music down? What about the other customers? Right? We have to accommodate with others, here.  

bgm: 我只愿朝着光 (I Only Wish to Face the Light) [BYOL OST]

C: Ning-ge, do you know what dramas will be airing soon? LYN: I really don’t know. But I want to say- let’s just watch whatever airs. I don’t know either. As an actor, we have the least input for deciding when a drama will air. How would we know?? I really don’t. C: Is Zi Chuan coming soon? LYN: I REALLY don’t know. I shot ZC in 2021- it’s been a while. The dubbing is all completed. You just have to watch when it airs, to support it. At that time in 2021, my personal statewasn’t the greatest. I wasn’t as thin as I am now, and my performance was not as mature. Even though I know I’m not “mature” even now, but in 2021 whether you’re looking from performance or personal physical state, was not as good as I am now. I was lacking, and it’s okay. The drama is still a good drama, so you can check it out. The filming, directing, and production company all put in a lot of effort to create this drama. You can all go watch when it airs. As for me, I have relatively little scenes- not quite 200 scenes. I was the second male lead. 48 episodes total. My screentime is not that much, but please watch for fun and to support the drama. Thank you. 

C: Ning-ge, is your next drama also guzhuang? LYN: Yes, that’s right. C: I want to see you in a modern drama. LYN: If you want to see me in a modern drama go watch BYOL. The one I did with Tao-jie. :) Modern dramas, for the moment, I… LYN: I’m not as popular as you think I am. I can’t just choose whatever drama in this industry that I want to. “Ning-ge, choose a modern drama” and I say, “Okay” and just choose one. It’s not like that. No modern dramas have come looking for me. The ones I have now are not only few but if there’s no other choice I have to pick it if I want to keep working. Its not like they bring me ten scripts to choose from. I know that there are rumors that I have resources but you, as my fan, really believed them?? Of course, I believe that I’m the greatest in my fans’ hearts. To my fans, I must be the most popular. The most outstanding. I believe they have that kind of bias towards me. But the truth is that this industry doesn’t. LYN: You keep wanting me to act in a modern drama, but that’s not something I can do just because I want to. Unless I take my phone to shoot something. In that case I can do any type of genre I want. Republican, modern, costume, primitive, in the age of the dinosaurs… 

C: Act as a villain. LYN: You must be a new friend. From debut until now I’ve been a villain the most. I’m always the bad guy. After four years I can finally be a good guy, and you want me to go back to playing the bad guy?? LYN: I don’t want to!

C: Play someone who doesn’t die. LYN: That’s difficult. Someone earlier told me to go act in a modern drama. I think that’s an easier thing to do than playing someone who doesn’t die. I’m serious. /sigh/ The probability of me choosing a role and having that character NOT die, is less than the probability of me landing a role in a modern drama. I don’t know why, but the characters I play easily end up dead. It’s almost as if… the viewers don’t want to see me alive. C: Your probability of staying alive is higher in a modern drama. LYN: That sounds very reasonable. I have a higher chance at staying alive in a modern drama, because they tend to gear more towards lifestyle. Unlike in costume dramas, in the old times, where two countries are at war in a moment’s notice. This side sends 500 people, that side sends 500 people, and we fight to the death. You’ll rarely see that in a modern drama. Unless the drama itself is set in war times. The other thing is you’re rarely poisoned in a modern drama. Instead you’re diagnosed with some incurable disease. In guzhuang dramas you’re either poisoned, injured in assassination attempts (hidden weapons), swords go flying, or two countries are at war. It’s just so difficult to survive in olden times. One wrong step and you’re dead. LYN: There’s just no helping it. 

C: Ning-ge, if you play a doctor you won’t die. LYN: /laughs/ What you’re saying is that whether in a guzhuang or modern drama, as long as you’re a doctor, you don’t die? Because doctors can self-diagnose, so from the moment they’ve been poisoned they can work on curing themselves? Is that what you mean? But haven’t you ever heard of the phrase, “Doctors can easily heal others, but it is difficult for them to heal themselves”? Haven’t you ever heard that phrase? LYN: Going by your logic, Qian Zhao shouldn’t have died. QZ was a doctor, right? But he died, too.

C: Ning-ge, what’s that drama with you and WZW called? LYN: It’s called “Cicada Girls.” It’s an adaptation from a manhua. I don’t have very many scenes in that one, either- only 100 or so. I wrapped with that drama within two months. Not even two full months. 

C: Then, Ning-ge, act as an immortal. They don’t die. LYN: Let me tell you- I don’t know, because maybe I haven’t watched very many xianxia dramas- because I pretty much haven’t watched one through. But! From my understanding of xianxia dramas it’s not that they DON’T die, but that they DIE REPEATEDLY. They die so many times, not only the once. You’re telling me to play an immortal because they don’t die. I think you must be speaking nonsense! You die once in this life, and you meet again and die in the next. At the least you’ll die three times, sometimes maybe even seven times. So you must not really comprehend the mechanism behind a xianxia. That mechanism is death. LYN: For example, if two people think their storyline is not going well in this life, they die. In the next life they meet again as two different people and their story starts again. When you hit a dead-end it’s okay, just die again. For example for this section, we can start in the Heavenly Realm. When you feel the story is going nowhere, we kill the mains. They move on to the next section in the Mortal Realm. One’s a prince, the other’s some daughter of a wealthy house. They fall in love and they eventually reach a point that can go no further. Okay. Kill them. Next, we’ll write them as more common folk. One’s a rich landlord, and the other’s a poor laborer and the two get involved until the story can’t progress. They die again. Next life, we’re back in the Heavenly Realm. Yeah- we can write at least four parts. This is very easy. You can imagine the number of times death becomes a common occurrence. 

C: Ning-ge, then act as Yan Wang (King of the Underworld). Then you won’t die. LYN: … /sigh/. C: Play an alien. LYN: /laughs/ It’s not as if aliens don’t die. What about You Who Came from the Stars? LYN: Let me tell you the thing about aliens. Say you’re an alien and you’ve come to Earth. You look human, but in the end you’re still going to die. For example, say this guy doesn’t age and doesn’t die. But for the woman he loves, he’s going to give all that up. That’s what will strike a chord with the viewers. It’s a common trope, isn’t it? That’s the whole point of the story. The guy doesn’t age and doesn’t die. You already know that in the end he’s going to die for the girl. Otherwise setting it up like that in the first place has no meaning. Do you get it? The character design isn’t there for him to look cool. It’s there to take things to a highlight wherein he gives it all up to die for the girl. It’s definite. He’ll die either for the girl, or some other emotional connection. Think about it- that’s just the design. LYN: Let’s say you’re acting as an immortal. In the end, you’re going to die for a mortal. That’s the most important thing, and it’s what drives the story. It all goes like that.

C: Then, Ning-ge, why don’t you just act as a ghost? Skip all the steps in between, jump straight to ghost. LYN: You can’t tell me to play a ghost just because I look like one. “LYN looks like a ghost. Just go play a ghost, then.”

bgm: 黑夜一束光 (Praying)

C: Ning-ge, play a jiangshi. LYN: /sigh/ LYN: That’s enough. I can’t choose to play whatever I want. I told you earlier, didn’t I? 

C: Ning-ge, if you’re going to be like that then it seems like acting is meaningless. LYN: No? Why wouldn’t it have meaning? Acting is very interesting to me. It’s fun. But the prerequisite is that you encounter a good script. If you can’t come across a good script you go… crazy. 

C: Ning-ge, if you’re going to be like that then stop acting. Just stream for us instead. LYN: Are you trying to advise me not to act anymore? And instead of acting, I should come here at 8p every night to stream? Is that what you mean? What’s the difference between your words and the words of my anti-fans? My antis always tell me, “LYN, can you stop acting?” Now my fans are telling me, “Yeah. Don’t act. Stream instead.” 

C: Ning-ge, what other female actress would you want to work with? LYN: I’m good with anyone. I don’t have the right to pick other people, and I don’t have the right to act with whoever I want to. I’m ok with anyone. They’re all good. As long as they’re someone who takes works seriously, that’s enough for me. LYN: Acting really needs cooperation. A good partner is the most important. The more I learn the more I feel that acting needs cooperation. You’re not out here acting on your own. If the two actors are just doing their own scenes it feels too separate from each other. It becomes uncomfortable to see. So choosing a good acting partner is very important. I say this because sometimes I get asked in interviews, “LYN, when you’re paired with veteran actors, do you get nervous?” I don’t. You know how some people say when they meet someone very famous, they’ll be nervous around them? I won’t be. Instead, I’m even more relieved. Because no matter how shallow or superficially you act, the opposite actor can carry the scene. You can also act freely without fear that they won’t be able to follow you. You feel more at ease when with veteran actors, because you can act without reservations. I know that I can’t act very well, but my ability to learn is very strong. So I’ll actually be even more relieved. Acting with a more mature actor is more comfortable. But there are some actors I’ve paired with where I... don’t really dare to act freely. LYN: When you’re working with veteran- and even senior actors- there’s always something you can learn. I think that’s the thing that makes me happiest. It doesn’t matter if it’s the good things or the bad things, I can always learn something.

C: What about acting with ZSX? LYN: Me and ZSX? Very comfortable when we’re shooting scenes together. Our moods match. When I act with him I feel very comfortable. So that’s why I’ve always thought he was great. He’s a really amazing actor. 

C: Ning-ge, I’ll exchange ten years of being single for you to look at me. LYN: I SAW YOU!! /laughs/ I saw you. You don’t need to post such “poisonous” content. There’s no need. C: I’ll exchange fifty years of being single for you to look at me. LYN: There’s really no need for you to exchange anything for me. You don’t need to. I can basically see everything that you’re typing. I see everything for the most part, but I can’t reply to every single comment. Okay? In any case, I can see you. 

C: Ning-ge, show us a “nan-gao”. LYN: What does that mean? Male, high note? Is that it? - /shows off his high notes/ LYN: No, I know what you mean. Male, high school student. You’re thinking too much. With my old face? I told you last time, there was a drama that wanted me to act as a college student and I couldn’t convince myself to do it. I said, “Forget it. Let’s not. It’s not worth it. There are people more suited to playing a college student, let’s leave this role for them. My old face can’t cut it.” There’s no need to challenge something I’m not suited for. LYN: If I had to force it, I could probably swing a graduate student/reseracher. I’ll be a researcher of Sichuan dishes or something. Someone who specializes in Western foods. It’s a bonus that I have experience as a cook that I can put to use. C: Male teacher? LYN: Teacher is okay. But definitely not a student, so stop trying. If word gets out I’d be laughed to death. There’s going to be an yxh post with the title, “LYN said in his stream that he wants to act as a high school student.” The topic will be “LYN’s fans tell him to act as a high school student; LYN rejects the idea.” I can already imagine what the comments will be. There’s going to be a batch of this type: “Him? As a high school student? He’s so ugly, how can he pass as a high school student at his age???” I don’t even have to say anything, the ridicule will come first. It’s all predictable. So stop saying nonsense in my stream. You’re going to make me grow antis. I can hate on myself and I’ll take whatever comes with that, but if you hate on me then… I’ll feel wronged.

C: Play a domineering CEO. LYN: I won’t. I can’t do it. A domineering CEO at the least has to be handsome, right? I don’t qualify. I can see the yxh now: “LYN’s fans tell him to act as a domineering CEO; LYN declines. Does he look down on domineering CEO roles? For all fans of actors who’ve played domineering CEOs, what do you think?” What do you think?

LYN: Lately there have been a lot of dramas that are just... mentioning me. Like, “This drama has settled on a cast. It will be LYN, and this person, and that person.” When you see posts like that, 70% of the comments are cursing me out. But the thing is that I don’t even know about it! How about this- can we discuss beforehand in the future? If you see those posts- first of all, the yxh uses my name to drum up discussion on the drama, which proves at least one thing: they look well upon me. From a good perspective, they think highly of me and use my name. I think there was a drama called “Ya Se” or something? I refuted those rumors a year ago! I used it as entertainment for a stream and I already refuted those rumors. But recently it came back around. I got another round of hate for it. Once a year, it comes back around. I’m not even IN it and people still have to ridicule me. So let’s try to do this in the future. Number 1- I just said, they mention me because they think highly of me. It means that I still have audience interest, even though they’re mostly here to make fun of me. It’s still something. Number 1 is to look at these posts for fun. Number 2, if you see people cursing me out, write down their IDs. Ok? Get down the IDs of all the people who are cursing me out and then when the drama actually comes out and it’s a different actor, go back to them and tell them to apologize to me. “We have a record of you spreading hate about LYN for this role. Can you apologize for it? Since he isn’t in this drama, that means that you’ve wrongly accused him. It’s unjust.” If they don’t want to apologize then just forget it. Just let it slide, because we don’t need to start some big feud. 

LYN: But on the other hand, there are some accounts that post… accurately. So when you speak, try to give yourself an out. That’s also giving me an out. Sometimes the yxh will post about a project… that’s real/accurate. But I see my fans go to comment, “We don’t believe in or spread rumors. Who would go to such a project? Do you think Ning-ge is crazy, to accept such a poor project?? There’s no way. Absolutely no way.” “Do you think LYN’s an idiot, to accept this project. No way he’s going.” I’m shaking reading all those comments. Do I- do I still continue with the project or not? LYN: So! You can not believe in or spread rumors, but also don’t forget to leave me an out. There are a couple situations. Here’s one: At the time of posting, the statement IS nonsense. But later the project does come to look for me, because this industry is a circle. They might consider that I am also a suitable candidate, so they inquire about my time and if appropriate, could let me join the crew. At the time of posting, it’s true that it was not me. But later it becomes me. It’s possible. So when you leave comments remember to leave yourself and me a way back out. 

C: The microphone today is so unique. LYNL: It is unique and very cool. This is a… /fiddles with the mic/ … a very good microphone. It’s a limited edition. Isn’t that interesting? Even microphones come in limited editions. It’s a 50th anniversary collector’s mic. This microphone has been around for 50 years and they released a limited edition, so I bought one. It’s a present to myself for being Weibo’s Livestream King. Since I’m King this year, I thought I would give myself an award and upgrade my equipment. So I bought this mic, which in itself has also upgraded my stream. It works and it’s quite nice. C: Is it used for recording? LYN: A lot of OSTs are recorded on this model of mic. I have another one of my own- I used it on my stream once but it’s too expensive so I don’t want to use it. Many of my OSTs now are recorded in Hengdian, and the mics in that studio are this model but I don’t think they’re very good. The standards are getting higher and higher, so I upgraded my mic too. I went online and bought my own. When I go to the studio in Hengdian I bring my own mic. The ones in the studio aren’t great. C: Ning-ge, this mic receives the sound so well. Watch out when you need to use the restroom later. LYN: Ah, ha. Okay. I got it.

C: Ning-ge, is this a live stream or a recorded stream? LYN: Since when did I ever have recorded streams?? If I had the time to pre-record one, why wouldn’t I have just livestreamed?

C: How much was it (the mic)? LYN: What’s the price have to do with it? All mics are at a set price. It has nothing to do with how much it costs. These things are all equipment for my work- the kind where no matter how much it costs, I am willing to pay for it. No matter what I do, as long as it’s for the best equipment, I don’t argue about the costs. 欲善其事，必先利其器. (To do a good job, an artisan needs the best tools.) I understand the concept. No matter what I do, it’s going to be done with the best equipment. I don’t care how I sing, the mic needs to be a good one. That’s the way it is with me. The beads, too. I don’t care if I have the technique right or if I’m even suited for this hobby. I still have to buy the best quality beads. That’s the way I work. 

LYN: Honestly, this mic (the handheld) is also very good. They’re the same brand. This one was a little more than 5k, but less than 6. The corded mic. This one (the one on the stand) is a little more expensive. “A poor student has the best stationary”- it’s a little bit like that. C: You have a new mic so you don’t dare to use strength when you speak? LYN: ~Why wouldn’t I dare? Why wouldn’t I dare? You must be joking.~ LYN: ~My dearest viewers, good evening.~

C: Raffle it (the handheld). LYN: Why should I? Can’t I just keep it? Also- what’s with the principle that anything I’m not using is up for keeps? I won’t be giving it away. 

----- break #1 (LYN: Holy crap, I think my neighbors are fighting.) - /lmao him coming back and flapping his hands to show he’s washed them, but with the GLOVE on???/

bgm: 阳光总在风雨后 (Sunshine After the Wind and Rain) > 城裡的月光 (Moonlight in the City) LYN: There’s someone asking me whether I’ve accepted this or that project. I can’t tell you. How can I tell you before it’s officially announced?

C: How did the fight with the neighbors go? Were you able to stop them? LYN: Oh, no. They’re watching White Cat Legend. There’s a fight scene and I thought the neighbors were fighting. The sound of their tv was too loud. I went to knock on their door and they were flustered. I told them to keep it down, and they agreed. Then I came back. We didn’t have an argument. 

- /singing along to 城裡的月光 (Moonlight in the City)/ LYN: Let’s complete tonight’s song quota.

C: Is your eyeliner smudging? LYN: Yes, I’ve had it on for a bit long today. 

bgm: 愛了很久 (Loved for a Long Time) [Twilight OST] LYN: /starts up his narration again/

C: Then, Ning-ge, remove your makeup on stream. LYN: /huffs a laugh/ There’s no need. It’s not worth it.

C: Where do you live now? LYN: What’s it to you?? Why do you want to know where I live? Are you going to come over and make yourself my guest? Or do you think it’s the New Year, so you should come visit? Let me tell you friend- I don’t make a good host. Don’t come to my house. Thank you.

C: What time are you heading to work tomorrow? LYN: I don’t know, I haven’t got the notice yet. This crew’s notices are posted kind of late. Let’s not rush. Let me stream a while.

C: When will you stream next? LYN: It’s hard to say when I’ll stream next. That’s why you can subscribe to nitifcations from my weibo. The next time I stream it will let you know. Subscribe to my weibo. Thank you, all.

C: Lao-da, can you recommend me some good eats in Dandong? LYN: Good eats in Dandong are only those few. The main thing is the seafood, since it’s close to the river/sea. You can go to Dandong to eat some seafood, and it’s not expensive either. It’s also very fresh. Another thing is you can try Korean Chinese food. Because we’re really close to the border. So you can go to a Korean Chinese restaurant and experience their warmth/enthusiasm. You can also try Dandong’s bbq. It’s just those few things. Honestly, the food everywhere is pretty much the same. Can you not eat Sichuan hotpot in Beijing? Can you not find Cantonese food there? Can you not find Northeastern food? You can find it all. It’s all pretty much the same. LYN: It just depends on each region’s resources. Dandong’s seafood and fruits would be better. There are a few fruits: a peach that’s very good, of course you have the strawberries, and there’s… black dates. Just those few. For seafood there’s the crab, shrimp. LYN: A few days ago a friend even asked me. An actor friend- they said they were going to Dandong for a trip and asked me for restaurant recommendations. I told them I hadn’t been back in four years. I told them, “I really don’t know. Maybe you can look up some travel sites?”

C: I’m really afraid to miss a stream. LYN: You mean if you don’t make it in time to watch? Honestly, it’s fine. When I stop streaming there’s always the playback you can watch. Because of some aired dramas or other videos, I have a lot of new fans. I can feel that I have new fans. I’m not talking about the data on my weibo follower count, either. But from what I can feel- including the feedback from my streams or the number of plays on my videos- after YNGS aired I gained at least 500 live fans. At least. 500 live fans- Alive and jumping. If you’re going by follower count, that number really doesn’t have much use. Because there are some people who could be following countless people- it’s just a number. But from what I actually experience and feel, I have 500. C: What, 500? There’s a lot more than that! You have more than that!! LYN: Ah. C: Ning-ge, how could it be 500? You must have 50k! LYN: I don’t care. I feel like it’s 500. It’s enough. Friends, think about it- 500 people. 500 living fans. That’s terrifying. For example- these 500 people go around to topics all around the internet that are about me and leave one comment each. My whole ranking in this industry would rise. Are you kidding me? Think about it- for every video out there, I’d have 500 comments at the least. Do you know what kind of influence that has? Think about how amazing that would be. If we lock these 500 people in a room and have them scream, don’t you think the room would explode? Do you know how loud that would be? So, (500 people) is enough.

C: Ning-ge, I’m a 20yuan fan. LYN: When I came to stream the other day I really had no idea what that meant, because I deleted a lot of the apps I used to browse. I didn’t know what that meant. I’d seen a few topics, but I didn’t know what it means. But after that stream I went to look into it and now I know. It’s that when YNGS was airing, some people spent a good deal of money to have bad things written about me. And among all the chaos, there were still a few people who managed to become my fan. That means that each of those fans are worth 20yuan. Very precious. I think I’ve got the general idea of what it means. C: Ning-ge, as the artist himself, this topic is not good for you to talk about. People are going to hate on you more. LYN: You don’t need to worry about me. I know I said earlier that I feel like I’ve gained 500 fans but I can also feel it when other people purposely try to bring me down. I’m aware. LYN: I used to be on other video platforms, and on B*libili I used to follow an uploader. They would mention me, sometimes. At the time their opinion of me was pretty high. Well, not “high’ but very objective/perfunctory. They neither ridiculed or supported me- very impartial. But after YNGS, they just threw me under. Made a video all about it. And this person hadn’t uploaded in a long time, before that. I was always paying attention, so that I could take a look at their videos, whenever they posted one. It was a long time that they didn’t post, and I finally waited until they finally did, but the whole video was to curse me out. What type of motivation would make them not post for two months, then post only in order to curse me? In that moment, my mood become stable/still again.

LYN: Now I think of it like this. At first when I would see people bringing me down, I would be a little sad. But then I thought about it- and what if I went to find an uploader, and gave them 300rmb to make a video praising me? I’m guessing they would agree. If 300 doesn’t work, then 3,000. If 3k doesn’t work, then 30,000. I’m sure they have a price. There’s no way they wouldn’t. They always have a price. If 30k doesn’t work, would 300k be sufficient to make a video praising LYN? I’m sure it would. LYN: What I’m trying to say here is that these videos can’t represent anything. They don’t represent public opinion or justice. They only represent money. This is just the way online traffic IS.

LYN: So my mood became stable again, and people started to worry for me. You really don’t need to. I’m fine. After all that I’ve been through already, and after learning that I have a new batch of fans, I’m quite happy. Also, my mental state has become stronger. In this industry, if no one is hating on your or cursing you, or targeting you, then that means that you really have no worth. If there are people who like you, there will also be people who hate you. That’s normal. It’s like how some people like eating spicy, and others don’t. It’s a normal thing. 

- /starts quoting poetry, sth about drinking from a wine glass?/ - /gets lost trying to find some bgm/ LYN: ~ Cheers! How about a mouthful?” ~ LYN: It brings the mood right away.

C: Ning-ge can’t see me.  LYN: I can see you. I can see all the comments, I just can’t reply to each one. I’m not actually a customer service agent. It’s not like I HAVE to reply when you have a comment to make. I can see you all.

C: You won’t have insomnia if you drink tea? LYN: I won’t. Because I’m simple-minded. I’m asleep as soon as my head is down. 

C: I’ve sent 800+ comments. LYN: I can see them! I can see them, but for some comments I don’t need to reply. Because they’re… nonsense. /laughs/ Oh, no. I can’t say that! LYN: Because sometimes when you post things, my brain cpu can’t process fast enough. For one- maybe I didn’t understand the comment. Two- my brain froze. Three- perhaps my brain is shrinking? I don’t dare to answer. C: It’s mainly because you can’t answer fast enough. LYN: Yes. I’m trembling with fear. I’m not stupid anymore. Not a complete idiot who says anything without thinking. To say anything on a livestream, especially, is no good. C: I love hearing you make excuses. LYN: /laughs nervously/

C: Ning-ge, can you wish me success on my graduate entrance exam? I feel like your words are lucky. LYN: /laughs/ /sobers/ LYN: You want me to wish you a successful exam, because you think my words come true? Just like how I used to say that my dream was to perform at Spring Festival, and now I’ve finally done it? That whatever I want to be on or do, I succeed at? Is that what you mean? LYN: Am I a wishing well? I’m the tortoise in the wishing well, and if you manage to get the coin into my mouth, you will successfully pass your exam? When I was talking about the acting problem earlier, saying that I die no matter what role I play, there was a comment that unhesitatingly read, “Ning-ge, why don’t you play a turtle? They live for a long time.” I didn’t reply, though I saw the comment, because I was angered into silence. I didn’t reply because I know that there are some antis out there who think I look like a turtle. I didn’t dare to answer because if word got out that I said I wanted to act as a turtle, I thought that would give people material to use against me. I was afraid of that. Who knew that I’ve gone through all these hoops but in the end, someone likens me to a tortoise all the same. They still want to make a wish. LYN: I hope your exam is successful. To all the friends in my stream, if you’re facing an exam, trying to get into university, or starting school soon- I wish you all the best. You’re all amazing. How about this? Today I wish everyone taking tests success. But if you succeed you have to make a post on weibo saying, “I made a wish in LYN’s stream for him to wish me success on my entrance exam and I passed.” You have to let the name of my wishing well be known. Can you do that? If you pass then you have to make a post on weibo to thank me. LYN: I’m not saying that I’m some sort of god, but my stream- this environment- is a place brimming with good spiritual energy. Okay? If you succeed, then make that happen. 

bgm: 超感 (Super Feeling) - Young Captain & ODD Chen Sijian

C: Ning-ge, I want to make a wish. I hope that you can continue to find work one after another. LYN: /claps/ What a good friend. Making wishes in my stream to wish ME well. You really treat me like family. Thank you so much. It really makes my heart warm. I’m happy. LYN: But I have to say- for the people wishing to pass their exams- not only do you have to make your wish here, you also have to work hard! You have to learn! Do you hear me? Learning/studying is the focus. I’m only here for support. The most important thing is that you make an effort to learn yourself and prepare well.

C: I finally caught a live stream. LYN: Missing my stream is no big deal, because it’s never exciting anyway. It used to be, but I’m afraid to be too exciting these days. If it’s too exciting then I can easily… /deep sigh/.

C: The 书卷一梦 (SJYM/A Dream Within a Dream) weibo account has followed you. LYN: /playing dumb/ What’s that? What do you mean? /biting his nails/ The weibo has followed me? What do you mean? I don’t understand. It’s a “book”? LYN: There’s a book called 书卷一梦, is that it? Oh~  - LYN: I don’t know what you mean… 书卷一梦? Hold on, let me ask my group if we’ve received the script for this. Let me take a look. // What is it? Oh- it looks like it’s trending. Let me see what they’re saying about it. “SJYM has opened their official account and have started following Li Yitong, Liu Yuning, Zhu Xuduan…” What did they follow me for?? XD Why would they do that? - /buffers/ LYN: Should I follow them back, out of politeness? I should follow them back. That’s what I usually do, when someone follows me. I’ll follow them back. LYN: It’s uh… Okay, I’ll stop pretending. I admit it. SJYM has already found me to sing an OST for them. It’s a Linmon production, so when they were making a drama this time around, since I gave them Offer and Don’t Dream of the Cold (YNGS) last time, they’ve booked me to sing an OST for them. I won’t pretend anymore, friends. I confess. The OST is mine and maybe, um.. Yeah. [t/n: the English “yeah” also vaguely sounds like the Chinese “yan” (act)] LYN: You can observe, later they’ll also follow the singers, because one of the first things they do is sign contracts with all the singers. That’s how it works. 

C: Ning-ge, I’m following you. Could you follow me back? LYN: Um.. then, let’s forget it. If people look for me to sing them an OST and I follow them back, it’s only polite, right? If you want me to sing an OST for you, I’ll follow back. 

LYN: ? Is SJYM a guzhuang or a modern drama? I don’t even know myself. Which is it? Or, is it Republican? I don’t know. C: Guzhuang. // You’ll know just by looking at the name… LYN: Oh. I guess it is. It sounds like a guzhuaung drama? /thinks/ I think it’s a modern drama. From the name of the drama you can tell that the lead must be a modern person. It must be a sotry of an alien. Science fiction. If I’m guessing correctly, it must be sci-fi. A record of an alien an their time on Earth. In the end they find out it’s all a dream. LYN: It’s about a girl opening a bookstore. The name of the store is called “Shu Juan” - “Shu Juan Shu Dian”. (Scroll Bookstore) One day while she’s in the shop, she falls asleep. She gets transmigrated into one of the books. When she wakes up she finds out it was all a dream. That must be what the story is about. Then later she’s taken away by aliens.* It’s possible. [*t/n: most times he’s used this euphemism to mean that the character dies, but this time I think he means literal aliens.] LYN: Why don’t I contact the SJYM producers and see if I can cameo. If I have spare the time later on I’ll cameo a scene or two. They’re people I’m familiar with, so I’ll see if I can go cameo. 

LYN: Last July I went to cameo for a drama. It was… one scene. C: Zhe Tian (Blocking the Sky)? LYN: No, I shot that one a long time ago. I cameoed in a different drama. Just one scene, acting as an immortal. C: Can you die within just one scene? LYN: I don’t think so. - LYN: No, it’s not Wonderland of Love. That was more than one scene. I went to cameo in Douluo Continent 2. I went to act as… Hai Shen (Sea God)? Or someone like that? I think it was called Hai Shen. Just one scene. // He counts as an immortal, right? A Sea God? LYN: I only had two lines. “Who would have thought that you would happen upon this place. But as for how to walk the rest of your path, it all depends on you.” “Go, now.”

C: Ning-ge, a god of the sea should be bare, right? LYN: Do you think that a god of the sea should have a trident, be bare on top and have a fish tail on the bottom?? I’ll wear fishtail leggings? Is that what they’re called? Yes- the appearance was like the leggings skirt girls like to wear, and at the bottom near the feet it’s a fish tail. The top is bare, and I’m holding a big fork. To act as a god of the sea. - /still discussing what to call the pants/ C: Are you in the water? LY: No. I’m flying in the sky. Wearing yoga pants and flying in the sky. XD

bgm: 万物盛开法则 (The Law of Everything in Bloom) - Da Zhangwei

LYN: They (SJYM) followed me, but didn’t think to tell me beforehand and have left me to fend for myself. They should have said something, like, “Xiao Ning. We’re going to follow you. Sing an OST for us later, ok?” But they didn’t tell me, and just started following. This stream has put me in a... quite awkward situation. I even had to pretend- “What’s SJYM? I’ve never heard of it.” I tried to play it off, but they just straight followed me. This is embarrassing. I feel like I’m lying with my eyes wide open. The thing with lies is it’s not as bad if they’re found out to be a lie later. But right now it’s like slapping myself in the mouth. “Stop lying. /slap!/” That’s the type of thrill we’re going for. We want that rising heartrate.

C: You should be honest when facing the fans. LYN: The problem is that it’s not a matter of “honesty”. I told you before, that I used to come running to tell you about things the moment I had news. Up until the moment I was telling you all about it and that job ended up being snatched away by someone else. I was going to go on a variety show, happily came to tell you all about it, and then it was taken by someone else. From that moment on I knew- unless it was set in stone, I wouldn’t tell you about these things anymore. I still remember that person who took the job from me. So bad. They’re the worst artist I’ve encountered in this industry. I’m not angry because they took my work, but because the person who connected them to the show started rumors to smear me and in the end that artist ended up with the job. But after that I haven’t heard a thing about that show. C: Who is it? LYN: I won’t tell you. Wait until I’m sixty. I’ll expose them then. I’m sure you’ve all heard this person’s name. But wait until I’m sixty to find out. It was pretty despicable, what they did. They found another guest on the show, because they didn’t have enough influence themselves, so they found a different guest cast. They told them, “I want to be on this show.” “Oh? Then come.” “But the capacity is full.” What could they do? That other guest went to the producers and told them they didn’t want to work with an “Internet Famous” celebrity. “I don’t want to work with LYN. I don’t want to shoot a show with an “internet famous” person.” It wasn’t only that, either. As an artist I’m sure they had connections, right? They started spreading rumors to the directors. The person who introduced me to the show was a gege, and later I asked them what was up? because he’s the one who asked me to be on it but then I was kicked off. They said, “You sure are something. You asked the program for 3M rmb an episode?” I said, “Am I CRAZY?? Why would I ask for 3M to shoot an episode? Do you think I’m insane?” He replied, “Then why did the crew say that?” I just said, “Forget it. I don’t care if they give me 3M or 30M, I won’t go.” LYN: That’s the only person in this industry that I hate. So annoying. C: Who is it?!? LYN: I’ll expose them when I’m sixty.

C: Ning-ge, you say you’ll expose them at sixty. But based on your current age, you don’t have that much time left. It’ll be exposed soon. LYN: … LYN: It’s okay. Whatever. That person isn’t doing better than I am right now, anyway.

C: Is this hair real? LYN: This is my real hair, yes. 

bgm: 如果爱还记得 (If Love Still Remembers) [Wonderland of Love OST]

LYN: ?! Today isn’t the Lantern Festival, is it? Isn’t it tomorrow? Right? I think it’s tomorrow, if I’m remembering correctly. Right? It’s tomorrow.

-- 笑红尘 (Laughing at the Mundane World) LYN: I came in late! Sorry, let me do that again. I saw someone wanted to hear this song.

-- 冥冥有声 (Unseen Sound) [Ultimate Note OST] LYN: I haven’t sung this one in a long time. It’s one I’ve promised to sing for you, but I haven’t in a long time. Let me look up the lyrics. It’s been too long. Let me look up the lyrics, because my computer program doesn’t have it. LYN: What do you think of the new mic, friends? I don’t know, because I haven’t adjusted the sound settings. I thought it would be too late if I did. I’ll adjust them later. Was it okay? Then, I’ll sing another.

-- 红尘客栈 (Red Dust Inn) - Jay Chou - /cracks on a high note/ /stops immediately/ LYN: … The mic just broke for a second. New equipment always needs an acclimation period, for me to get used to it. The mic broke for a second and it lagged. /clears his throat/ New equipment is unstable, friends. Forgive it. It lagged. Let me try that again. LYN: /to the mic/ Be obedient! - /starts over, interpretive dance version?/ - /it was going well, until-/ LYN: … It lagged again. So badly that it made me sing out of tune. This microphone sure isn't stable, friends. Tsk. You can never trust an electronic too much. They’re really unstable. C: Embarrassing, truly. LYN: “Embarrassing” isn’t a word in my dictionary. Because I don’t have a dictionary. I’m illiterate. LYN: I blame this new mic. C: Ning-ge, the problem wasn’t with your mic, it’s with me. My internet lagged. LYN: Oh… So many people in my stream lagged at the same time? That’s amazing. C: Ning-ge, that was a flop. Why can’t you admit it? LYN: … The type of people who can say these things are the new friends. Because, as I already said, that’s an effect for my stream. If you’re really taking it seriously then you’re taking the fun out of it. It’s not worth it.

LYN: I see a bunch of tracks on my computer, so I was thinking of which one I could sing… There’s also this! - /断缘诀 (Bid Farewell) [God of Lost Fantasy OST]/ [t/n: This is one of my favorites!] LYN: Do you know what song this is? Oh- you know because I still have the captions on. I recorded this song when I first debuted. This was the cheapest OST I’ve ever done since starting. There was no helping it, because at that time my quality wasn’t the greatest. I recorded this song during in stream. Using this mic. /picks up his red one/

C: How much? LYN: What’s it to you? That’s a bad habit. You can’t just keep asking other people what their salary is. Go out on the street right now, to a random person and say, “Hey- let me interview you. How much do you make a month?” What business is it of yours??

C: This song is one of my pearls! LYN: What does that mean- a “pearl that went unnoticed”? It’s a song that went unrecognized by many, but it’s a really great song. But the me now- I can’t say that my singing skills have declined, but the me then had a higher pitch. I had a huskier voice, so it was suited for singing this song. Now... I can’t really do it. My pitch isn’t as great as it was before. I don’t think I can sing this song. - /sings a bit/ LYN: It’s already so high. This is almost B, oh my god. LYN: I’ll give it a try. Later if I crack or can’t hit the right key, friends, you have to type into the comments that ‘It’s lagging! It’s lagging. What’s happening, Ning-ge?” Do some damage control for me, okay?

C: You’re aging. LYN: It has nothing to do with age. I’m better than I was before. I’m at my strongest now. This is the best time. LYN: Hold on, let me find some shades. Then later when I crack, I can use them to hide my shame. Wait for me a sec. I’ll be quick. LYN: … Friends, you don’t have to say it’s lagging before I even start. There’s no need for that. I haven’t even started singing yet. // ? These glasses are a bit crooked? -- 断缘诀 (Bid Farewell) [God of Lost Fantasy OST] LYN: Thank you. C: You just stumbled on one word. LYN: I didn’t have enough strength left. Didn’t I say earlier that I was at my best now? C: Old but still vigorous. (宝刀未老) Hale and hearty despite the years. (老当益壮) LYN: Mm. I see that you’re using these idioms to play with me, again. C: It didn’t lag at all. LYN: It did a little. It’s okay. It’s not important. 

----- break #2-- 撞地球 (Earth Collision) by Yu Er Qi [t/n: the snot special effect X’D]

LYN: Last time I wore this hat, that people seemed to like a lot. This one.

LYN: Oh, I saved myself from wearing one. It covers my whole head.  LYN: This one is pretty fun.

-  /playing with more filters/ LYN: ~ Jiejie. I want to eat ice cream~ I want ice cream! ~ LYN: Leng Shao. (Indifferent Young Master) Leng Shao is here. Hold on.. Let me show you a true indifferent Young Master… -- 别在我离开之前离开 (Don’t Leave Before I Leave) LYN: There’s another song that can be used in place of this music.-- 吻得太逼真 (Kiss too Real)

bgm: 晒Share (live ver.) - Da Zhangwei & Liu Yuning bgm: 热辣滚烫 [You Only Live Once YOLO OST]

C: Ning-ge, last time you streamed you sprained your ankle. Is it better now? LYN: It’s okay now. I’ve recovered. 

C: I want to hear 就在江湖之上 (Above the Jianghu). LYN: Let’s do it. But today my internet is not very good- it lags. I have a new mic, too. It easily… it easily lags. -- 就在江湖之上 (Above the Jianghu) - /suddenly gets up and out of frame/ - /comes back with ~something~. It’s a prop sword!/ - [t/n: how loud is he singing/good is that mic for him to be standing up and away from it and still be heard???]

C: Did you drink too much? LYN: /playing with the snot filter, still/ LYN: This must be a new friend. You must not have seen my previous streams. I’ve already restrained myself a lot more than I previously have. You are clearly new here. I used to go much harder than this. This is nothing.

C: I watched the last time and it was quite frightening. LYN: The last time I even twisted my ankle. At least today my movements weren’t as big. Last time I played it too big and twisted my ankle. This time is okay- (I didn’t hurt myself.)

C: You sang halfway and then disappeared! LYN: I went to grab a prop. Just singing isn’t enough anymore. It needs to be like a stage play, now. I need to make you feel like you’re watching an mv. - /tries to copy the MLC mv and pours tea on himself/chokes on it/ LYN: You have to sing and pour into your mouth at the same time… - C: The sound of the sword is so satisfying. LYN: This? /pulls and re-sheathes it/ - LYN: Hold on, let me wipe my snot. /removes the filter/ It’s clean now. - LYN: The main lead of this drama is called Li Lianhua, right? I’m Liu Lianou. (lotus root) Today we cosplay as Liu Lianou. XD 

C: We’re going to be spending the new year, soon. LYN: Friends, before the new year hits, I’ll stop streaming first. I don’t have the habit of spending the new year anymore. I don’t want to spend the new year. I’ll be leaving first, friends. I hope you have a good Lantern Festival. I hope you can be happy. If you still haven’t subscribed to my weibo, please do so. Now I will gift you with a nice song. -- 过年的歌 (New Year's Song) LYN: Happy Lantern Festival. LYN: Alright. I guess that counts as having spent the new year with you today. LYN: Thank you for you company. If you still have not subscribed to my weibo, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning.  

bgm: 一念关山 - Richie Ren [YNGS OST] 

C: Wait until 40million (viewers). LYN: Ok. I’ll wait until then. - /starts reciting his YNGS lines bc of the bgm: “I don’t owe the State of Wu anything. See you never.”/

LYN: It’s rare that I stream past 12a, today. I don’t think our drama notice has been posted. It’s not up yet, so I’m waiting for it. When it’s about time, I’ll stop streaming. I want to thank you for keeping me company tonight. But honestly, I do want to stream a little more. Let me check-

C: Sing another song. LYN: /gulps/ LYN: Let’s do it! C: 别梦寒 (Don’t Dream of the Cold) LYN: I haven’t sung that before. I haven’t sung this before, do you want to know why? Friends, you know why. It’s too hard to sing. There’s no other reason- it’s just too difficult to sing. -- 别梦寒 (Don’t Dream of the Cold) [YNGS OST] LYN: I couldn’t really do it. Next time when I have some more strength I’ll sing it again for you. 

C: I also want to hear Qilin (麒麟). LYN: Do you think I would be able to, in my current state? - /recites the lyrics/ LYN: It’s been a while for Qilin though, right? The rap song I’ve been listening to nowadays is… “什么叫天花板 我比烟花闪...” Have you heard that one? (Burn Me Down - Hanji) C: Let’s hear it. LYN: Hmm. C: I haven’t heard of it. LYN: If you haven’t, then forget it.

bgm: 如果爱还记得 (If Love Still Remembers) [Wonderland of Love OST]

C: Female artist Daimi’s manager has been suppressing her. LYN: Daimi’s not in Hengdian for the next couple of days. I sent her for some work. She’s not in Hengdian. I had her sent for a trim in Hangzhou, because there’s not any good places for pet grooming in Hengdian. She can come back with a whole new look to face 2024 with. LYN: When she’s back I’ll take a beauty shot of her and post it to the fan group for you.

C: My son is learning 莫问前程 (Don’t Ask About the Future). LYN: Nice. That means the kid really has potential. It’s actually a pretty nice sounding song, so you can listen to it more.

LYN: It’s about time, right? Let me check. How about I don’t set a goal for when I stop streaming. Let’s set a time- how about 1:30a? No, wait! 12:30a! I’ll stop streaming at 12:30a exactly. Let’s chat for another few minutes. Alright? We can chat some more. LYN: Not 1:30a, but 12:30a. My apologies. LYN: 12:30a is good enough.

C: What’s with the pictures you posted of Daimi, with 3 and 6? LYN: It didn’t have any meaning. I just grabbed a handful of the snacks she usually eats. It didn’t have any meaning. You guys are amazing for trying to solve the mystery of that post. There wasn’t anything behind it. [t/n: this post: https://weibo.com/5456865382/NEGXzwbH5 ; people were speculating we would stream on the 3rd of February at 6pm.]

LYN: Since it’s this time, I should also check-in to my Super Topic. LYN: Let me play some quieter music, since it’s late at night and we’re about ready to sleep. I’ll play something that makes you want to sleep. Something soft, so we can all rest later. bgm: 隆里电丝 (lonely dance) - 盛宇DamnShine ft Key.L刘聪 C: Whenever Ning-ge says that, I know I should turn my volume down. LYN: You sure know me. This is an old friend. You already know my tricks.

LYN: ! Earlier there was a friend who kept asking if I could pick up the guitar and play you a song. - /starts playing some notes/ LYN: ? It’s out of tune. LYN: /laughs/ I haven’t even started singing yet and you’re already typing the lyrics into the comments. That’s too disrespectful, isn’t it?? I haven’t even started singing yet. You can’t disrespect me like that. [t/n: idk what he said after that. Something about only knowing how to play a couple songs on the guitar, anyway?] LYN: ? How do you play this song, I forgot! LYN: Ok! Here we go, for real this time!! -- 擁抱 (Embrace)- 五月天Mayday - /cracks/ /stops immediately/ LYN: 😐 LYN: I also know another one. Let’s try again. -- 喜歡你 [t/n: ? I don’t know Cantonese, sorry. :(] LYN: I also know another one. /plays some chords/ Let me think. /sings/ I don’t think that’s right. That’s not right. LYN: Let me try a different one. This time I’ll do it properly. One that I need to look up lyrics for. Properly, this time. -- 忽然之间 (Suddenly) - Karen Mok LYN: All the ones before was setting up for this song. LYN: Everybody! - /stops/ LYN: I haven’t adjusted my equipment yet. Hold on… -- 你要跳舞吗 (Would You Like To Dance) - 新褲子New Pants LYN: Thank you!

LYN: After listening to that, don’t you feel like sleeping? Are you sleepy, friends? LYN: Let me find another quieter song and we’ll start wrapping up. -- 麒麟 (Qilin) - Zao An

LYN: Friends, after hearing that, don’t you just want to sleep? Right? It feels like sleep is just overtaking you, right? LYN: I hope you had a relaxing, happy, and wonderful night. It was great to have you and I hope you had fun. Let’s meet again in the next stream, friends. If you still have not subscribed to my weibo, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Good night! 

bgm:  超感 (Super Feeling) - Young Captain & ODD Chen Sijian

[lonesome-witching]

This Is Ours

This one took on a life of its own. A massive thank you for the prompt @weekend-bastard, hope this kind of fits with what you had in mind. I very much enjoyed writing it.

Anyone can send me prompts here or read my previous prompts here.

“Do you know where we left the mugs?” 

Robin stood in the doorway that led from their bedroom to their living room and smiled at Nancy crouched in front of one of the still packed boxes. It was Robin’s fault that they were still packed. Nancy had been adamant about unpacking as much as possible once their couch was placed in the center of the living room. Robin had decided against it, grabbing her girlfriend and pulling her to bed. 

“Robin?” Nancy’s eyes were no longer on the box. They were staring at the girl smiling like a fool in the doorway. “Mugs?” 

“Oh yeah.” Robin rushed towards a box next to their front door. “Here you go.” She ripped the tape keeping it shut off and handed over one of the mugs, a bright yellow one that she didn’t remember packing. 

“Thanks, babe.” Nancy pushed herself to her tiptoes to kiss Robin’s cheek. 

The coffee machine was unpacked. It had never been packed. It was one of the things they hadn’t owned when they got this place. Robin bought one yesterday when they realized. It was a modern thing that cost a fortune. But Nancy had stolen cutlery from her mother and Robin had thieved some plates from Steve’s place and some throw pillows from her parents, so they could afford it. 

“If you grab another one I’ll make you a cup.” Nancy shouted from the kitchen. She didn’t need to shout but as she lifted her head Robin thought she realized it herself. Realized they weren’t in Steve’s parents’ mansion where Robin had been cooped up most days. Realized they weren’t in the Wheeler’s house with its grand open rooms. “Sorry.” She mumbled and if they had been anywhere else it wouldn’t have been audible but they were in their tiny apartment and Robin could hear the word fall off her girlfriend’s lips and it was magical. 

Robin did grab another mug, a white one that said dad of the year and she wondered who she took that from. Her dad? Nancy’s dad? Neither of them really deserved the title. Steve maybe?

Nancy smiled when she looked at it, a teasing remark just waiting to slip out but Robin leaned in and kissed her to push it away. It worked. Nancy put her hands around Robin’s neck and pulled her closer. The cup threatened to fall out of her grasp when Robin’s tongue slid between her lips. Nancy pulled away with an even brighter smile. 

“We should probably unpack these boxes today.” Nancy had turned back toward the coffee machine. 

“Should we?” 

“Robin!” There was a threatening edge to her tone that lost its weight when she turned around with a soft smile and pressed the mug in Robin’s hands. 

“Okay, okay. We’ll unpack.” Robin took a sip of the coffee. 

“Good.” Nancy set her cup down on the counter. “Let’s get started.”

Robin groaned. “It’s too early, Nance. Can’t we just take our time?” She set her own cup down so she could wrap her arms around Nancy’s waist from behind and softly pressed her lips against her girlfriend’s neck. Nancy leaned into the touch. Robin could imagine doing this every single morning. Minus the cardboard boxes that were pushed against their walls. 

“This is dangerous.” 

When Robin looked up she could see Nancy had shut her eyes. “How so?” 

“I won’t want to stop.” 

“We don’t have to.” Robin smiled against Nancy’s skin. 

“Boxes, Robin. We have to…” Her voice faded into a soft moan when Robin found just the right spot. 

“What do we have to do?” 

Nancy finally pushed Robin away. “We have to unpack these boxes.” 

“Okay, but can we start with the one my parents’ old record player is in? Because I’m going to need some music.” 

“If you can figure out which one it’s in.” Nancy turned toward the already open box that had once contained the mugs that now stood halfway abandoned behind them. 

“Oh, of course.” Robin walked up to a box toward the middle of the pile, ripping off the top and pulling out the record player. She took her sweet time setting it up on their dining room table before retrieving a Fleetwood Mac record she had stolen from her mother’s collection. 

“How did you know where that was?” 

“We packed these.” Robin answered before opening another box. “Oh my God.” 

“What?” Nancy walked to the kitchen and back, disposing of some of the plates. 

“We are not hanging this up, Nancy.” Robin pulled out the framed Tom Cruise poster. “Why did you take this with you?” 

“My mom told me to take everything. It’s not like I want to actually hang it up.” 

“You just wanted me to find it and see the pure disgust on my face.” 

“What’s wrong with Tom Cruise?” 

“Counter offer, we hang up a Debbie Harry poster instead.” Robin ignored Nancy’s previous question. 

“Okay.” She relented easily. 

“Goodbye Tom.” Robin held the poster in her hands and with a smile on her face she discarded it. 

–

Somehow it didn’t matter how many boxes Robin unloaded, there was always another one. They had almost gone through her entire, very limited, collection of vinyls and yet the pile still seemed as big as that morning. 

“That’s it, I need food.” She put her hands up as she turned toward Nancy. 

Nancy who was sitting on the couch with a glass of water. “Good idea, should we order in?” 

“How long have you been sitting there?” 

“Only for a minute.” Nancy laughed behind her glass. “I was gonna ask you to come sit with me but you just look too damn good carrying stuff around.” 

“You are unbelievable.” Robin fell down on the couch, halfway on top of her girlfriend. “Unbelievable.” She kissed Nancy. 

“Should we just-“ Another kiss. “Order pizza?” Nancy finished her sentence. 

“Sounds good.” 

“Maybe you should stop kissing me so I can order the pizza.” 

“Don’t wanna.” 

“Robin.” Nancy giggled against Robin’s lips. 

“Okay.” Robin pulled back, allowing Nancy to reach for the phone. She thought back to how Steve had struggled with the wires just the day before. It had been a comical sight, his arms tangled, the receiver dangling from his hand, the exasperated expression on his face and the best part of all, Nancy’s bright laugh when she took in the sight. 

Robin watched as Nancy’s lips moved while she spoke into the receiver. She imagined Nancy calling her, asking when she’d be home. She imagined replying that she was just about to leave, that she was excited to see her again. 

“It should be here in 20 minutes.” Nancy stretched her legs over Robin’s lap, trapping her in place. 

Robin hummed. Her hand fell on Nancy’s ankle, her thumb softly stroking the exposed skin. “Is this real?” 

Nancy looked back with raised eyebrows, shocked at the question apparently. “Of course this is real.” 

“It’s just that I’ve dreamed of this moment so many times that I can’t be sure.” 

–

“Okay, that was the last one.” 

The pile of boxes was reduced to a pile of cardboard. A visual representation of their belongings, of their hard work, of their future. 

“Good.” Nancy sighed. “I’m all sweaty and gross.” 

“Sweaty and gross, you say. Well, I’ve noticed that we have a bathtub in our tiny bathroom. Shall I run you a bath, darling?” 

“That would be amazing.” She threw her head back. “I love you.” She shouted as Robin walked away. 

Nancy walked into the kitchen. Their mugs from that morning discarded next to the sink, the empty pizza box resting on the counter. She closed her eyes, it would have to wait until later, until the morning. Instead she opened the cupboard she’d filled hours ago and retrieved two glasses. The bottle of wine had been a gift from her mother. An olive branch of sorts, a show of support for the decisions she didn’t entirely understand. 

Nancy filled up each glass before carrying them to the bathroom. “Join me?” She asked, placing the glasses on the floor and taking her shirt off. 

Robin stared for a mere second before nodding. 

They stripped their clothes quickly, sinking in the hot water together. Nancy retrieved the wine, handing one glass to Robin before sinking into her girlfriend’s body. Robin’s free hand rested on Nancy’s thigh. 

Nancy closed her eyes, content to wallow in this moment for as long as she was allowed to.

[randomvarious]

Today's compilation:

The House Sound of Chicago - Vol. III - Acid Tracks 1988 House

Hopping off of that notoriously rickety K-tel train to nowhere for a bit and latching onto some classic house goodies instead, starting with this third installment from The House Sound of…, a series that was originally launched in 1986 by Chicago house label D.J. International Records in order to showcase the city's own house scene, and was also released in the UK through the much bigger London Records too. This series would end up proving far more impactful across the pond than it would in the States, but in '88, the year of the UK's Second Summer of Love, during which house music would spread like wildfire among the youth, the London label took over its reins and decided to start redirecting this series through their newly-repurposed FFRR imprint instead. FFRR's focus would be on dance music, and as it was headed by the one and only Pete Tong, it would go on to become one of the greatest and most important labels in the history of dance music as we know it.

So, in that regard, what we have here happens to be a pretty damn big deal, because this was the first comp that was ever issued on FFRR since its dance rebrand. But its title is actually inexplicably and very confusingly misleading, because while it claims to be loaded up with 'acid tracks,' only one of these tunes actually meets the criteria for being acid—Tyree's "Acid Over," which, as all acid tracks do, stars the unique squelches of the Roland TB-303 bass synthesizer—and I can't say that I'm very much a fan of it.

Instead, what dominates this comp is a bunch of great Chicago house of a different stripe: largely black and queer, vocally male-led stuff with some soul to it, that includes things like feelgood combinations of strings and richly stabbing piano chords deployed over four-on-the-floor drumbeats.

And while I find almost all of this record to be quite good, I think its very best moments happen to lie on its B-side, with Darryl Pandy and Farley "Jackmaster" Funk's absurdly energetic "Freeman" and Sterling Void's much calmer and steadier "It's All Right" serving as a stellar yin and yang, together representing opposite ends of a spectrum of both vibe and sound that could be contained within this revolutionary dance music genre that was still very much at such an early juncture itself.

So, Darryl Pandy, as he is wont to do, sports his lovably goofy vocal passion all over "Freeman," while Farley complements him with a beat that's very fiery, deliberately ostentatious, and, by that some token, clearly on a queer post-disco/hi-NRG type of tip too. Basically, if you love yourself some big, gay, and campy 80s dance tunes, this one's a can't-miss 🔥.

And then to counterbalance something as fun and ridiculous as that one is "It's All Right," which is one of those blissed-out bits of transcendent dance dreaminess that seems to be targeted directly at your very own soul. This is a song in which those deadly key-and-string combos really abound, and if you're ever out on the floor when it comes on, you're then required to do some extensive, eyes-closed, slow grooving to it 😌. Wonderful track.

So, ultimately, I feel kinda bad for all the acid jackers who bought this record and were expecting their purchase to be a whole lot more chemical than it was, but hopefully they still came away with an appreciation for this different slate of 80s Chicago house bangers anyway. Buncha must-listen tunes here for anyone who's interested in this local scene, where this music first originated.

And you can also pair this album with my own 1980s Chicago House playlist too, which as of right now has almost no overlap, besides Jamie Principle's "Baby Wants to Ride"—but my playlist (the YouTube one at least) has the version of that song in which Jamie at one point decides to….cynically parody "America the Beautiful" 😂…and this album doesn't.

1980s Chicago House: Spotify / YouTube / YouTube Music

Highlights:

Jamie Principle - "Baby Wants to Ride" Frankie Knuckles - "Only the Strong Survive" Paris - "Girl U Need a Change of Mind" Darryl Pandy & Farley "Jackmaster" Funk - "Freeman" Romance - "All Dis Music" Farley "Jackmaster" Funk - "My House" Sterling Void - "It's All Right"

[inafieldofdaisies]

WIP Wednesday: tagged by @socially-awkward-skeleton <3 | I'm on time for once and hope you all are ready to meet Hartley.

Tagging @direwombat @detectivelokis @strangefable @vampireninjabunnies-blog @ms-rampage and anyone with something to share

In Hope of Tomorrow | Chapter 1: Welcome to Hope County

Present day Sabrina

Sabrina woke a bit before sunrise as usual, sleeping in late was a rare occurrence especially when her mind was too preoccupied with worries. Her thoughts kept drifting back to a vision from the previous night as she prepared breakfast. They had breakfast together as a family every morning, a tradition she kept going for her little sister, no matter how busy she was- it was all worth seeing Savannah happy. Most of the time the visions repeated or they were random flashes about other people, but she couldn't figure out the "why now" aspect of some of them. And he… The man who kept calling her "Butterfly" was back in her visions, his presence neverending, and things got worse with the move. Many times she wished she'd see at least his face, maybe then the puzzle would become more clear. As she was putting back things in the fridge, she couldn't help but look at the things Savannah made her hang on its door. A couple of polaroids, one of them of younger Brin with her father, a bittersweet memory. Around them were butterflies Sav made. She knew how much they meant to her older sister. And then there was the letter that started their new lives in Hope County.

Dear Ms Donovan,

The purpose of this letter is to inform you that your candidature has been selected for the position of Deputy in Hope County Sheriff's Department. Based on Captain Buchanan's recommendation, that spoke highly of you as a detective from his division in Portland, as well as your Personnel records, accomplishments and success rates in investigations together with your personal qualities and motivations, we believe you'd be a great addition to the Sheriff's Department and are excited to have you as part of our team. We take privilige to inform you that your employment would start from 23rd July, 2018 upon acceptance. However, the expected date of joining is liable to change per your request.

Looking forward to have you as part of Hope County Sheriff's Department!

Regards, Earl Whitehorse Sheriff of Hope County

The acceptance letter bought so much hope and promise of a final "fresh" start, especially after the way things ended in Portland. Sabrina knew she had to leave it all behind if her sister was to have any type of normal life. Promising career as detective be damned. Hope County seemed like the perfect place for the move as her own Captain at the precinct suggested it, saying how they'd have a quiet life there.

"The views are to die for, kid. Let me speak to Whitehorse, ask if he has an opening, he's an old buddy of mine, works as a Sheriff there. You wanna stay out of trouble. This is the place."

Soon enough after their move it became clear to Sabrina staying out of trouble was going to be a hard task especially with the cult that was trying to run the County… Eden's Gate, short for Project at Eden's Gate, was taking serious roots at her own doorstep and nobody seemed capable of putting a stop to it.

I'm starting to wonder if Captain Buchanan secretly hates me. Quiet life, my аss.

A knock on the door interrupted her thoughts, followed by a loud "Honey, you awake?" Before she could even answer Ms. Darcy let herself into the house. "In the kitchen. I just finished breakfast. We're having pancakes, bacon and eggs today." Her sister would be down in few minutes at most, now that their vivacious landlord was present.

Darcy Harris, though she insisted everyone call her Ms. Darcy, was in her 70s, with graying hair and was always well put together. She owned two cabins on the same property in Holland Valley and was quick to rent one of them to Sabrina, almost too quick, but the older Donovan sister didn't read much into it at the time. After all, the two-story wooden cabin was just what Sabrina had envisioned: affordable, homey, with enough space for her and Savannah and close enough to the Sheriff's Office. On top of the lovely interior, the house was surrounded by pine trees and had a backyard where you could watch the stars all night long. Brin couldn't imagine living anywhere else, it had already become a habit to sit there each night after her shift, play her guitar and stare at the open sky until her mind had calmed down. Shortly after the move she found out the reason Ms. Darcy wanted a tenant…

"Better to have a Deputy next door, especially with all of them Peggies running around my land. Damn them." It was what the old woman told her one day.

Sabrina knew nothing of Ms. Darcy's Peggies troubles until it was too late, until the sisters had already settled in and two cultists showed up at her door. Now she was worried about leaving her sister at the house with members of Eden's Gate taking interest in the properties.

Still, Ms. Darcy was good at heart and amazing with her little sister, Sabrina couldn't blame her for wanting to feel safe. Not to mention she pretty quickly turned into a grandmother figure for the sisters, something that was always missing from their lives.

"You know, I'm starting to think you scared them off, Brin." "Who?" "The Peggies. Haven't seen them around here since you told them to get lost." "I just hope it stays that way. I'm glad you're around to watch Savannah while I'm at work." "Your sister is such a gem. It's my pleasure, honey, I always wanted to have grandchildren, but my Ben…" Sabrina didn't know too much about Ms. Darcy's son, aside from the fact he died quite young and that she still found it hard to talk about it. "Morning!", Savannah entered the kitchen, wearing her signature smile that made you forget all your troubles, even for a little while. It's exactly what happened with Ms. Darcy - Savannah's arrival made the sadness at mentioning her son's name vanish from her gaze. "Ms. Darcy, we're still baking cookies, right?" "Of course, honey. We're making your sister's favorites this time." Savannah turned on the TV as she did every morning, but instead of the usual channel, it was HIM on the screen, hijacking the signal. "We are all sinners. Every one of us." Sabrina quickly switched off the TV, she could tell her sister was freaked out by his sudden appearance. The mood in the room soared. "Goddamn you, John Seed. One day I'm gonna shoot my TV because of you." Ms. Darcy's green eyes flashed with anger at seeing John's face even for few seconds. Sabrina knew she wasn't joking, she really couldn't stand the man.

And Brin didn't blame her, not only were his men constantly bothering her landlord, but his face was on so many billboards around Holland Valley, you'd think he's a local celebrity selling you something. "We love you and we will take you." First time Sabrina saw the sign, she honestly thought it was a joke, a failed attempt at cheesy marketing. Reality was far worse. He truly was TAKING people, marking them. Sabrina had heard the stories of his own baptisms, not once had she stopped his people from almost drowning a Holland Valley resident. Indeed, she wondered if Captain Buchanan hated her, why else send her in the middle of this man's territory. And if the stories were true… his other siblings were no better.

Aside the TV accident, breakfast was uneventful, Savannah quickly took over the conversation and chatted away happily about anything she can think of. Sabrina loved when her days started that way, it was as if her sister's energy recharged hers too and how much she needed that: it was another day of fixing John Seed's messes…

After breakfast she got ready, it was only few weeks into her job as Deputy yet she felt like she has been wearing the olive green uniform for years. She certainly was happy to belong somewhere again.

Brin made it to the Sheriff's Office around 7:30 and was immediately greeted by Nancy, Hope County Sheriff's Department only dispatcher. The older woman was at the front desk as usual, ready to ask her 20 questions before Sabrina even stepped over the threshold. Where she loved Ms. Darcy's chattiness, something about Nancy's constant inquiries rubbed her the wrong way and somehow nobody else at the Department seemed too worried. "She's just a big gossip, Brin. You're new so she's curious.", they'd say. Yet her father's words about not trusting strangers too much came back to Sabrina anytime the woman shifted her focus on her.

"Sooo, anything new, Sabrina? When are you going to bring your little sister along, I'm dying to meet her. I always wanted a sibling. You're so lucky." Nancy barely paused as she said all that and the whole time was staring at Brin intently through her red framed glasses. "Morning. Nothing interesting, every day's the same. You doing well, Nancy?" "Ah, yes, yes, I'm fine, thank you. And what about your mother, she still back in Portland? Candice's missing out on Holland Valley!" How Nancy even knew about Candice was beyond Sabrina and she was wondering how to shut down the conversation when Hudson walked in and noticed the dispatcher yet again badgering Hope County's newest Deputy. "Brin! Good morning, do I have something to tell you." Thank God for Joey. Sabrina didn't have to be asked twice, she took the out Hudson was offering her and followed her further into the station, away from Nancy.

Joey Hudson was one of the other Deputies at the Sheriff's Department. At 28, she was an year older than Sabrina and quickly had become one of her closest friends in Hope County. Joey was happy to take Brin under her wing and introduced her to many people just in her first few days in town. Deputy Hudson had the type of warm personality Sabrina thrived around, she even managed to convince her to go out and celebrate her 27th Birthday at the Spread Eagle. Her birthdays lost any appeal or cheerfulness after her father's death, she'd bake a cake or buy one just for Savannah's sake and put on a happy face for her sister, but inside it felt wrong to celebrate when he was gone. That year Sabrina told herself she'd try to live a bit more, after all Hope County was about new beginnings, so she embraced Joey's idea. And as much as she felt guilty to admit it, she did have fun. It was good to get out and celebrate with her fellow Deputies, the Ryes and other Holland Valley residents.

"Nancy been bothering you again? You know, you should just tell her." "I tried, she's not taking the hint. I'm losing my mind." "Who's getting on your nerves, Gray?" Before she knew it, Hartley was at her side, an arm over her shoulder. He was waiting for her answer, baby blues pointed her way, eyebrow playfully raised. "The usual, noisy Nancy. You're not late for once, kid?" "Oh, trust me, it's better if he's late, bad things usually happen when Rookie's early." Hudson gave him a look. "Don't even deny it. You know I'm right." "Hey! Why are you still calling me Rookie, shouldn't the title be transferred to Sabrina, she's the newest now?"

For once he used her actual name. Since they met he kept calling her "Gray". The nickname was a bit on the nose and nothing she haven't heard before. In comparison to Hudson's brown hair that was always in a braid, Sabrina's bangs were gray and in stark contrast to the rest of her chocolate brown hair. It was something she inherited from her father and lived with for years. She loved her hair because it connected her to him, so she didn't mind the nickname, plus she knew Cal wasn't using it as an insult.

Deputy Calahan Hartley, or who everyone more often called Rook or Rookie instead, was the youngest Deputy of Hope County. At 23, Cal was a wildcard, often getting on the nerves of Sheriff Whitehorse, with blonde hair, a short beard and blue eyes many swooned over, he had the looks and charm and knew how to use them to get out of trouble. Rookie stuck with him as a nickname as punishment, because everyone knew how much he hated it. "First, Deputy Donovan here has more experience than you, Rook. Second, you start behaving accordingly and I might reconsider what name I use." "Boss, come on. I'm about to call HR." It was Cal's usual responce, so full of misery each time. Whitehorse was the last to arrive that morning, along with Deputy Pratt, who just chuckled at the exchange between his usual partner and the Sheriff. There was no doubt Staci had his hands full with Hartley's shenanigans, so Sabrina couldn't blame him for laughing at Cal's over-the-top reaction.

"Okay, playtime is over. Back to business." "What Peggie bullshit are fixing this time, boss?" Cal loved the cult as much as Ms. Darcy. Whitehorse went over each Deputy's "special" assignment of the day: whenever there was an issue of great importance that needed adressing The Project was most likely involved and it was up to the Deputies to deescalate the conflict, though with Hartley deescalation flew out the window and straight into "we're getting shot at by a bunch of angry cultists" territory. Sabrina felt lucky that day, she was to check on Rae-Rae and her farm because she got yet another visit by Peggies that wanted her land and Hope County's most famous dog. Like with Ms. Darcy this was an issue all landowners in Holland Valley faced: John Seed was looking to secure land for his brother's Project and nobody was to stand in his way, no matter the cost or means. It was rumoured he used to be a lawyer and was now putting his skills at work to keep the Project out of legal trouble.

It feels close to performing a miracle with the ever-growing list of cult offenses.

Most people were terrifed, some ran away from the County, some decided to oppose him, and others… were never heard from again. The region was becoming John Seed's to a point where he had a huge Hollywood sign rip-off built by his people, spelling the word "YES" and nobody batted an eye. Guess the "Power of Yes" was too long. Sabrina was over the havoc he and his people caused around the Valley, but she had no idea how any of this can be fixed. Dark thoughts and visions kept her awake at night, she was ready to uproot her sister yet again if the situation escalated more.

On her stop at the Pumpkin Farm, Boomer was first to great her, full of excitement at her visit. Sabrina tried her best to calm Rae-Rae down, knowing any promises of things getting better were most likely a pipe dream. Brin admired Rae-Rae for her love for her son and farm and her decision to fight against John Seed's scare tactics. She promised the woman to come by again, hoping that she'd be able to bring her sister along next time to meet Boomer. "Savannah would love Boomer, she gushes over all animals and he's just precious." "He's our hero, that dog. You be safe, sweetheart, you hear. Send Ms. Darcy my love and tell her to stay strong. John ain't taking our land."

The rest of the day was a string of mundane conflicts that needed fixing. Truly if Eden's Gate wasn't around, she could see herself leading a quiet life in Hope County.

Sabrina couldn't wait to go home, have some homemade cookies and be done with anything Seed related for the day. Little did she know, her shift was far from over and that all hell was about to break loose…

[apparentlyautisticandanxious]

Hey there! I’m not diagnosed autistic, but I’ve noticed I might have some of the traits. Anyway, I had kind of a shock to my system today when I had the chance to see myself on camera when I wasn’t aware it was being recorded. I had a brief encounter with two ladies and I could’ve sworn I smiled at them. The video clearly shows I didn’t and I am just shocked how I actually looked and how they responded to me. I don’t know how to describe it. The blank, maybe somewhat angry look on my face when I thought I was just being neutral. I’m just… I can’t find the words. Do you know what I’m talking about? I guess I’m just wondering if anyone understands this feeling. I hope you are doing well 😊

I absolutely understand. It’s so hard to mask all the time. I have been told on more than one occasion that I have Resting B*tch Face because I thought I smiled at people in passing. In my experience, it’s a pretty common occurrence with autistic people.

Also, if you can’t get a store bought diagnosis, homemade works, too.

[pwblogarchive]

November 2001

November 23, 2001

“this is rocknroll”

so this is the start.

it’s late.

this should turn out to be a documentation of the life of arma angelus. i’ll update it from the road and what not. or maybe it will be just a big waste of time- we’ll see.

i feel like i should do a first post type thing. unfortunately i can’t think of anything so bright or witty.

i’m going to midnight movies right now- i will do a real post later on…

welcome to five ruined lives.

love- pete

November 24, 2001

“the beginning” 

so the midnight movie did not happen. my friends dropped me off to spend a night hidden behind the monitor.

i feel like this is a good time to explain some of my thoughts on these journals. i sometimes feel like they fit into the whole “reality craze”- everyone wanting fame for nothing. the degradation of our lives. we want to see what is behind someone else’s door. we want to buy the dream that anyone can “live the life”. to me this is a waste-

“you thought you knew but you have no idea”- ultimately this is not how i hope this appears. there are certain constraints rythmically and melodically to the expression of ideas in music. hopefully this journal can serve to fill in the blanks. that is the point of this.

well. thanksgiving was pretty uneventful. i was supposed to go out to syracuse and spend it with my friends. that didn’t happen. i am pretty depressed about it. chalk up another missed opportunity- “regret will always get you in the end”. our record won’t be out until december due to an error in the printing. but we’ll have some at our record release show. i’m pretty stoked, we’re practicing for it this weekend. we’ll be out on the east coast with throwdown/bleeding through around new years this year. it should be fun, we’ve been friends since racetraitor. we’ll be playing some new jams so look out. i hope to get some new lyrics up here soon.until then go check out the rumors at www.superherohq.com and buy an eXc dvd…

it couldn’t have been written better: you love to hate us, we love to hate you…

petey

November 26, 2001

“grand failure anthems”

what a weekend. i made it out to the local showcase and was quite impressed. it was great to see the guys from 7angels again after touring with them. watching jared play drums is insane. i guess adam did an interview for the canadian metal magazine Unrestrained which is pretty cool since they sell it at borders and stuff so keep an eye out for it. i think i might have passed out 300 samplers this weekend and we still have a ton more, the box is like neverending. tommorrow i’m going to post the lyrics to three new songs. they are of a bit of a different nature- they are kind of a progressive narrative. it just tells the story of this relationship i have been stuck in and out of- far more personal than the full length so i hope everybody doesn’t hate them or whatever. Also in Arma Angelus Army news, we’re goingto doa massive mailing of stuff next week so watch yur mailbox. we hae a new shirt design in, fresh gear for all the girls and boys. we also bought armaangelus.com- so that should be up shortly. today i’m listening to “Thriller” and wondering when they are going to make regular coke with the lemon in it. i’m waiting… Pete

November 27, 2001

“We are the story of love gone wrong…”

here’s the new lyrics… i feel like i should explain them but then again does anyone care? record release here on dec. 1st- today my friend told me some stuff am getting for christmas. yep- good stuff.

THE ARCHITECT,THE ARSONIST

With a focus and a resolve that will not slip I fall tonight. I feel content for the first time- with a look you melt me. with a word I vow to not lie forever in such dissemblance. to not lie forever in my own arms. my flesh has never felt so ill- as though one thousand insects swarm it- longing for your embrace for your gaze to steal me away from the shadows and burdens of this world. rest my troubled head in your hands. I only hope this moment is not passing. My heart That has never felt so full- nor ever thought it would has fallen from security- Has fallen so surely. Can I rest on the promise of your name on my lips. Your wings guard my sleep. As though I was never alone at all. As though my heart beats only for you. If I could steal the way you look at me I would lie in that feeling forever

and fall for you.

DEATH TO THE LAST ROMANTIC

As I lie here in the company of none but desperation. I?m dying for you to press your lips against mine and adorn them with romance. Adorn them with disaster and hopelessness upon hopelessness. Please just lay here beside me forever. I?ll sing you this song just one more time. For the brokenhearted. For the loveless. Yet I only wish that such words would compel belief and mandate love from you. I only wish for wings that were not broken. I swear to god I?ll save a smile for you in hell. I swear to god that the words ?I love you? are my last breath. When I?m gone close your eyes and imagine me the person I always wished I was. I watched it all end when she said ?pretty girls make graves?. One more time- I?ll sing this song just one more time for the broken hearted- for the loveless. For you.

SWITCHBLADE LOVE AFFAIR

Another town, another night away- and I swear to god I?ll lay it all to waste. I?m just another broken heart on your stereo. So turn the volume high because the world?s not waiting for five ruined lives. Lonely quarters for broken phones to tell her how she broke me like a twenty on a pack of smokes. we?re talking to ourselves- our wasted and empty arms dying to hold anyone. Dying to not be alone. send a rusted postcard back home, just so someone cares I?m gone. Dear, can you smell the contempt on my breath? Accomplice of my stolen breath- accomplice of a ruined man. I?ll die hidden behind a pen. because ?regret will always get you in the end?-we are the story of love gone wrong.

November 29, 2001

damn. American Nightmare is so good. i only wish that wes could get more than like three words into the mic a show- it only heightens the fact that he uses multiple tracks to fit them in on the record. so that part is pretty wack. but damn- that guy is a maniac and the lyrics are soooo good.

I passed out like 400 samplers last night at the show. so hopefully all those kids will comeand rock out on saturday. i have a super big weekend coming up-friday Fallout Boy is playing at western. then saturday is our record release here and sunday i cleavland with pretty much the same bands. word.

i’ve gotten a couple of emails about this journal and all and i just wanted to tell everybody to feel free to interact on here- it’s for everybody. you can even be anonymous if you like.

i’m out to go and look for a job i guess. my dad woke me up at seven to tell me this, i was like SIKE!

alright…

-p

[juszar2]

I Do Not Take Life Lightly...

Everyone assesses life differently according to our own values... And some according to none at all. Just indulging one whim after another with no regard. They are allowed, but for me this is a legacy. I understand that I was created for a reason and I have seen a good amount of God's favor over my life.... This rot that I speak of, if ever it wants to shock the Devil and tell some truth, it can even attest that the favor over my life benefit it just from close proximity as I sought to have God help me help others and bring about small successes for my community. So while the fencer was helping the funders lose their funds, the finance department had to scold me and tell me to request my reimbursement every time and not forfeit my own personal income toward buying supplies and things for events that saw citizens getting help in a variety of ways from shelter, permanent housing to first ever large scale public hiring events, first ever expungement events for records, connections to food supports and more. This had nothing to do with this rot and were efforts born out of my intent to make a difference... For real tangible.

So when I say that this rot had evictions currently and felonies and emphasizing sex to try and con a loser. All of the issues that they are marred with are real issues but I say these things to show Who and What they are. It would be no wonder that they are attacking me, just to look at what they are. The culmination of their lives. It is not a misstep, but the core and pattern of What they are. That this toilet was never able to be responsible and stand on his own without using parents and anyone he could for everything they have, and not having insurance or autos or anything as his listed assets, and a willingness to lie even about his ethnicity when first asking to date me as if I cared! Or the cowardice and swearing to me when he was made to be ass wipe way back that he would never compromise me and ever show me his cowardice again in life. And now here he may be looking like Trash and on full display. 30 years and I bought my property in 20s I bought every new car still today, I put myself through college with two different degrees, I worked my life and prepared my own documents and sought my own employment opportunities and career, this possible toilet had his found for him by a relative. Encouraged, at times paid and pulled what I reproduced through college. I taught honors and dignity. This male did Not. We would become successful and he is still bringing up the rear of the race and trying to damage the foundation and we are still waiting for him to find his manhood or any strength. I have never been anything but humble. I do no press, I did not even take pictures years ago. I live a private life. I use my intellect and have innate articulation and grit. I compromised myself to inspire self esteem in these opposites that I was around... Even while I wanted nothing really to do with such. It showed me everything that I knew it was. I was approached by more than one adversarial partner to this Rot's employment position and rather than say Yes! And walk right over to them, I left the profession and area entirely with zero conflict because I preserve dignity and this rot has gone about doing what it is.

This lowly that did not show me life! As a woman, as he is a man. A real one sees all of what I am and this lowly tells me he has issue with those with a college degree after being so proud of me seeing all of my effort and what I made sure that I reproduced. Every sport, academic effort. More professional and dignified than him, brilliant, articulate, kind, DIGNITY and self reliant for years now! All of my traits reproduced. This low is a Sabotier. I have for life encouraged and sought to bolster his esteem. This is what he is? A coward bitched informant bragging on my accomplishments and what he did not contribute to, while very likely colluding with my enemies. He would be a low life detriment... And I already gave him my life. It is tragic. I loath trash and go along get along accessible folks, able to be pocketed. While I love so hard, I have discernment so keep boundaries and am dissent when considering to try and pocket me. They get pissed and end up showing me what I'd already seen. This lowly is not my equal. He could feel equal to small to mid level felons, those parasitic, and cowers when approached to engage in treachery. And so now, I set aside my humility and state the conditions as I am attacked by so much less than me, my hard work and attempts to have lived as one of the dignified ones. The rot says that she reproduced and taught well the exact opposite. I do Not care, just keep it all over there and act like you never met me. Because that's how I intended to proceed until I found out a stalker attack had occurred severely. I don't want to live near this, associate or have it know my name. I want get through the course of life having done it in dignity and a solid grade. These anything goes lowliest, they know nothing of what I'm even speaking of. If nobody saw it, it didn't happen is their philosophy. They even think God will be mocked in their treachery. Think they can con him too. Yelling integrity when that is certainly a lie. Unless it does not know the definition. I'd seen that in meetings where it said "What are your admirations" and I said what??? In the???? And tried to cover immediately. This is the rot now trying to harm my life. It is mother f-ing Aspirations NOT Admirations. I told it before and just said the hell with it, what do I care and no longer would even cringe.

[jodilin65]

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 29, 1988 I fell asleep last night right after I finished writing and got up today at 11:00, then went to the Eastfield Mall with Andy. I bought a slice of mushroom pizza and a slice of cheese pizza for Andy, cuz he bought me pizza when he came over the last time.

Before we went to the mall, we went to Main St. Records, and the guy there gave me $5 for some records I sold him.

We once again ran into Bill F at the mall. We had run into him before at the Holyoke Mall. I met him when I was in a foster home.

After we were done I had Andy drop me off at Store 24 where I bought milk, bread and a few other things to hold me over till I go to Food Mart Tuesday with Phil. Thank God I have plenty of cigarettes till I get paid cuz all I have left is a few dollars.

Monday I’ll get my $50 back after I identify Nellie on film after she swiped a check from me, the motherfucker! How dumb of me to trust her!

I see that internist at 11:15. I just got my Medicaid card in the mail today. After those things are done on Monday I definitely need to try to catch up with my lawyer.

Tuesday, besides grocery shopping, I see my new therapist Mary Lou. I wonder how that will go and how she is. Probably ugly. I always get ugly therapists. I know it shouldn’t matter, but it’s harder to sit and talk to such an ugly face for nearly an hour as it would be a pretty one.

I’m just so sick of having to start over and over again with my life story to so many different people. Hopefully, she’ll be the last till I move. And I hope the shrink creates a miracle and solves my medication problems.

I’m really getting impatient about moving. I want to hurry up and get it over with. But I still don’t want to leave Andy behind. I was thinking of making him a medley of Stevie Nicks songs which is his favorite, but he says I don’t have to and that all he really wants for Chanukah is my friendship. Good enough.

I want to spend as much time as I can with my nieces when I move. And yes, Tammy too. I love being hyper and driving Tammy nuts. It’s funny. I can’t wait till Lisa gets older to teach her sign language, guitar and organ but I won’t get my hopes up too high about teaching her to sing cuz not many can or do or want to.

There’s a long time before Becky gets older. She’s so cute though. She does look like Bill and nothing like Tammy, although as I got older I came to look more and more like her in the mouth, but not the eyes. My eyes are bigger and gray-green. Tammy’s are brown-green. Pretty color, but not as big as mine. I wish mine were small and dark cuz it’s those big eyes that make me look so much like a little girl. My mouth is too small. Wish I had full lips.

Later…

I am totally bored right now waiting for Andy to call. I wonder where the hell Fran’s been, and I miss talking to Nervous.

I should’ve bought stamps today to mail my mail, and tomorrow Saratoga drug’s closed so I’ll take a walk up to Shoppers. It’ll give me something to do. The only problem with that is Emily’s gonna be there, and I just left a message on her machine saying goodbye, I’m moving, good luck with life and school. I did it cuz I’m so pissed at her for abandoning our friendship. If she asks, I wonder if I should just tell her the truth, although I’m sure it won’t do me any good. She’ll just argue and say she’s been busy and tired, but to me, that’s no excuse. She could at least make the time to call me if she truly cared.

I definitely have given up hope for a relationship. There’s just no such thing as the kind I want. Even if there were, they can’t live with me and I certainly can’t just pack up and live with them. I’d never move in with anyone cuz if things didn’t work out I’d have no place to go and if they lived with me and I kicked them out they’d either duplicate the keys or steal from me or try to beat me up or keep coming over and harassing me or calling me on the phone.

I was thinking of looking into a gay dating service I read about, figuring I could say to them this is what I want in a woman and this is what I don’t want, but no way. I’m not paying money I don’t have for an asshole, and if I got someone decent, would they be attractive at all to me?

Later…

Believe it or not, Emily just called and we had a great talk. I can understand her and how and why she’s been so busy. In the end, it’ll be well worth it and she won’t need a subsidy. The poor woman’s been working her ass off like crazy that she’s got no time for herself either. I’m gonna miss her so much when I move but it’s nice to know that if I want to come into Springfield to visit I’ve got a place to stay.

FRIDAY, OCTOBER 28, 1988 I explained to my shrink how frustrated I was about how the other medication affected me. He said he understood and is giving me something else. It looks like I’ll end up having to take something addicting in the long run. I guess that’s better than taking something dangerous and even he says I’ll probably need something for quite a while longer.

Well, we’re just about coming into November which means I’ll have to do some Chanukah shopping this month. I wish I had the money to buy everyone something nice, but no, of course not. Chanukah falls on my b-day this year which sucks.

This month I’ve also got to give Philip $15 for the stereo.

Later…

Next month will be a busy month with the pledge drive starting on the 28th for Channel 57. Also, the usual errands, groceries, laundry, appointments, and court.

I wonder when Mom and Dad will fly in. Or rather drive in. Probably at the tail end of November.

I notice that when I was younger I used to write just like my sister but now I write almost like my mom. I haven’t done my calligraphy for quite some time now cuz it’s so much easier and quicker to write like this.

Next month I think I may do my gift shopping at Johnson’s Bookstore. They have so many cute gifts there and also I’d like to buy 3 or 4 journals (books with lined paper like this). This is my fourth one (journal) but the first and the third ones were a rip-off cuz there are much fewer pages in them at the price of $8 whereas this one and the second one has lots of pages for only $5 and they’re so much prettier too. Yes, I’ll go to Johnson’s. They’ve got everything at excellent prices. I’d shop tomorrow at McCrory’s in the Eastfield Mall but I’ll have no money until next Tuesday. Andy and I are going there tomorrow. He needs to go to Sears.

Andy and I are such great friends and if it weren’t for him, God knows where I’d be or who I’d have to talk to. I’d be so lonely. Even up to this day he always says, “I’m so glad you made that prank call.” Yeah, that’s how we met up again, ha, ha, ha! I pranked him and he recognized my crazy laugh even after all these years.

THURSDAY, OCTOBER 27, 1988 Can you believe I was on the phone with Andy for almost 3 hours? Well, I was, but that’s typical of us. I had originally called him to say I wanted to go to bed and not to call, but he cheers me up and we have such interesting conversations. We never run out of things to say.

I’m really pissed at Emily. I mean, we were so close and we used to talk on the phone several times a day and visit each other a lot, and now it’s like I don’t even know her anymore. Not since I moved here and she started school and working like crazy. She won’t even make the time to be my friend anymore, and it’s sad cuz we had a good friendship. Oh well, it’s her loss, not mine.

I wonder when it will be time for me to move. After New Year’s? Before? When will I be going to Florida? When will I break into the music business? So many questions but no answers!

WEDNESDAY, OCTOBER 26, 1988 Today I finished my volunteer work at Channel 57, stuffing and addressing envelopes. She thought I did such a magnificent job that she took my name and number in case she needs me for anything else.

I’ve tried to get Nervous to call me by leaving messages with his mother, but he won’t call me. To tell you the truth, I miss him and I feel so guilty cuz in a lot of ways I was just as bad as he was. He was crazy at times and a real asshole, but I really used the hell out of him and that’s probably why he won’t call me. I miss the good times and our good talks, although there were also bad times that were not my fault. Maybe I’ll mail him a letter.

Later…

I did write Nervous a letter and will wait to see if he calls me.

Andy was supposed to call me over an hour ago but hasn’t yet, and I’m sure Emily’s not home.

If not tonight, cuz I’m just so exhausted, then definitely tomorrow night I’m gonna hit the Spanish books cuz I was doing so well with that.

Friday I see my new shrink who I’ll have to tell that the Pamelor doesn’t work and it made me dizzier than all hell whenever I stood up and that the Navane’s the only thing that’ll work. But how can I keep taking it with the tardive dyskinesia problem (involuntary muscle twitches, mainly in the face and neck)?

Debbie, the asshole that admitted to me she was in therapy only for the money did terminate me and my new therapist called and scheduled an appointment with me. Her name is Mary Lou.

I definitely should’ve kept the original appointment for January in court cuz I could’ve been moved by then and I would’ve skipped it. Males are such bullies. I mean, to arrest someone for a stupid phone call? See, I prank-called my old phone number and it turns out a cop has the number now. So I had to pay $15 to bail out a few hours later after sitting in a cell, alone, thank God. Oh, and after the cop threatened me. He said I threatened his mother in one of the calls and that I was lucky he didn’t know where I lived at the time. So it’s ok for him to threaten me, but it’s not ok for me to threaten anyone.

Coincidentally enough, I’ve been getting sexually harassing phone calls, and I know it’s either him or someone he knows. They think they’re so smart and so tough, them cops. And invincible.

But also, I’ve been getting calls for longer where they just hang up or stay on the phone for a few minutes. Could it be Nervous? I doubt he’d ever admit to it if it is. It doesn’t bother me, though.

Last night Andy came over and brought his picture collection of Charlie’s Angels. I was like - wow! He even had my favorite picture of all 3 in white shirts with a red background sitting at a table with a vase of red roses! I remembered every single picture and in such detail. He’ll only let me keep them for a week or two. Says he can’t get rid of them or give them to me.

TUESDAY, OCTOBER 25, 1988 I just finished singing to my stereo which Philip brought back this afternoon and it sounds great!

I am presently waiting for Andy to come over with some French bread pizza and pictures of Charlie’s Angels which I’m quite curious to see and see if I remember any of the pictures that I had years ago. No doubt I’ll recognize quite a few.

Also, I’m in the mood to make prank phone calls with him. I need a good laugh. Something to cheer me up and make me smile. I’ve been so bored today cuz I had to sit around all day and wait for the fucking inspector. But this inspector we have that comes around is very attractive. The kind I’d like to have.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 24, 1988 I did some volunteer work today at Channel 57 and enjoyed it very much. I addressed envelopes which I must finish tomorrow, then stuff them with papers. Hopefully, it won’t take too long so I can call about apartments and see my lawyer about this new bullshit phone call case. I want to do some laundry too.

I’ve got to go try to call Andy, though he might be sleeping.

SUNDAY, OCTOBER 23, 1988 I still haven’t been feeling all that great with my nose all stuffed up and I’ve been getting very dizzy when I stand up quickly, and also, I still have these spells where I suddenly become feverish. Still not much of an appetite either. I am supposed to see an internist on the 31st but I lost my Medicaid card so hopefully, the new card will come early, or they’ll see me and let me bring my new card in as soon as I receive it in the mail.

Andy called and told me he told his mother we’re still friends and why. She knew about it when I first called his house, but she didn’t know we became friends. I guess she wasn’t thrilled with the idea at first simply because I’m Dureen O’s daughter.

He also had a talk with my mom, and he said that she said that I’ve got a sweet voice but that he shouldn’t encourage me to be a singer cuz she doesn’t feel I’ve got what it takes, and not to encourage me to live out my fantasies which are unhealthy. Andy said he disagreed 100%. Andy said if a person gave up all their dreams they’d be miserable.

My mother will never understand or accept me for the way I am. My dreams and fantasies are what keeps me happy and going. When you’re lonely you’ve got to fantasize that you’re special and someone’s here to love you as long as you can distinguish it from reality. And if I couldn’t face reality or be realistic then I don’t think I’d have survived for 3 years on my own all by myself. And when are they going to understand that just cuz I’d like to be a singer doesn’t mean I want to be famous? Not every singer has to be famous and I don’t think I’m ready or could handle fame for a long time.

SATURDAY, OCTOBER 22, 1988 I’m so pissed at Philip! My stereo is ready after being cleaned and I couldn’t reach him. What an asshole! See how irresponsible males are? Tomorrow’s Sunday so I can’t get it until next week.

Today’s not my day. Carabetta says that regardless of the doctor’s note, cats are not allowed and I need to get rid of her or they’ll evict me. I guess Tammy’s gonna take her and I also told Tammy that they’ll never allow me to keep her in Norwich so I asked her to keep Sasha permanently as a gift to all of the family from me.

I can’t have anything. No love. No money. No singing career. No animals. It seems things will never change and that this is the life that’s in the cards for me and that I am surely being punished.

So I smile and lie to myself and say, “Life will get better.”

Yeah, right!

Later…

I am starting this book the same day I finished the previous one about the awful day I’ve been having so far.

I’m so bored right now and later on, I should do more of a paint-by-number I’m doing for my nieces and I definitely should study my Spanish. It’s just that I’ve been so lazy to do anything but pace in and out of each room.

I’m desperately dying for romance and love but I know that’s not right or practical. To have a beautiful, kind, loving woman is fantasy, not reality. Sometimes I wish to God I was straight. I wish I could be attracted to a man the way I have been with women but they’re such jerks. Male or female, all I get are assholes. The good ones are either taken or just not interested in me. I’ve been so hurt so much in my life that if I got someone decent I’d probably scare them away. Decent or not I know I’ll never have someone I’m sexually attracted to, male or female. It’s only once in a lifetime I’m attracted to someone and it’s always someone I can’t have. Guess I have to settle for second best all my life. An ugly jerk. I wish I could stop my mind and body from crying out so desperately for love. I wish I could just be happy being alone all my life. It would give me such pride to be able to say I made it through life alone. To be independent. To support my own self. It would be great and that way no one could ever hurt me or say I hurt them.

MONDAY, OCTOBER 17, 1988 I am sitting in the kitchen waiting for Philip to come and get my stereo. I think he’s here now. I’ve had my stereo for 3 years and it really needs a good cleaning job.

I haven’t written for a while, so to start with, I met Maria. She came over that night and then she decided she didn’t want me for a girlfriend cuz I was too short and too pushy by asking her to stay overnight. But I thought that that’s what you were supposed to do.

Then once again, I told myself how much easier it is to just stay alone, as I lose the decent people and attract only assholes. So I decided to stay this way. I really have gotten used to it and have learned to like it. This way no one can steal from me or play with my head or abuse me in any way.

Later…

It’s gonna cost $25 for my stereo to be cleaned and another $12 for a new needle, which won’t be in until next week, though the stereo will be ready Friday. For now, I’m using the boom box.

Earlier I called Maria at work wanting her to return the barrette that she used to put her hair up with the night we met and accidentally walked out with. It’s also an excuse to see her. I’m really sure I’m wasting my time, though, cuz she’s already made up her mind that she doesn’t want to be my girlfriend, or else she’d have called or come over a long time ago. I can’t change her mind and I can’t make her want me. She’s not an asshole. She’s very decent and that’s why she’s not interested in me. I always fuck up when it comes to the decent people by being either too shy or too pushy.

She said she’d call me back after work between 5:00 - 5:30. So far no call. She also said, “We’ll figure out a way to try to get that barrette back to you.” Jeez, why can’t she just drive over with it? She’ll probably give it to someone to give to me to avoid seeing me. I hope she doesn’t give it to Bev. I don’t trust Bev.

Speaking of Bev, I wonder where she and Maria stand. Is Maria interested in her still? What about Maria’s 4-year boyfriend with whom she won’t have sex cuz she doesn’t believe in that before marriage? Will she ever admit she’s gay and seek a relationship with a woman? I guess it’s a waste of time trying to figure out the answers to these questions, and it’s just about 5:30 and still no call and I highly doubt there will be a call.

Next week sometime Philip and I are going to go look at other apartments as I’ve decided I just might be better off staying here in Springfield. I just don’t always get along with Tammy, and how can she help me with my singing when she knows nothing about the music business? I can’t leave Andy. He’s the only one who can help me and he wants to and we’ve become so close. We need each other’s friendship so badly. We have so much in common.

[gettatranslations]

Introducing my Treasure。Cooking。Yumigeta Ako (23.12.01)

Good evening🌝

I'm Yumigeta Ako 🛑

Thank you very much for your comments yesterday！

Thank you very much for leaving so many comments！！！

There were over 100… I made sure to read them allー❤️

I really empathised with all of your stories about Fukumura-san、and your supportive comments made me blush、and I realised just how many people are here to support me‼️

...

And And And！

I didn't answer！！！！！！

The question about the Santa donut、about if it was his nose or mouth。

Based on your comments it's definitely his nose！！！！！！

Plus、after I posted that blog I searched up 【Santa illustrations】 and there were lots of pictures of Santa with a red nose so it's gotta be his nose‼️

Today I'll talk about our tour……

Lookieー！

During this tour、I revived a lot of goods from the company and I bought a lot myself too so I'll introduce them today👍

Tada

They're really packed in there…

I actually have even more but I'll just talk about these for today！

Some were given to me by the company when they were released、some things I wanted so bought myself、some things my family bought for me so I have lots💗

Today I'll talk about my favorite 3 items🎶

① Single CD

I bought this when I went to Tower Records with Inoue！

I talked about how I only pulled 17ki trading cards in a previous blog、and it's from then！The CD from that story！

…

Listening to a song that includes my own voice is really strange、but it makes me happy💗

Rather than being like、「My voice is on a CD！！！That's amazing！！！」 I'm so emotional！I could cry！

It's more like

「Woah、it's me…」。

...

② Daily Photo（Corn version🌽）

That's right！I've spoken before about how much detail I put into my illustrations…

And I often draw a plum with arms and legs

Named 「Umeko-chan」（I named her myself）

I can draw this character pretty well now❤️

I wonder how Umeko would be written in kanji

「梅子」？「梅琴」？

...

Please pay attention to my illustrations from here on okay〜‼️

③ Photo with Fukumura-san

I love it💗

This shoot was done on the final day of rehearsals before our Autumn Tour！

It was right before our opening day so I was really nervous and I'd been holding back my senpai at rehearsals so I was really nervous about this shoot、because I felt like I should have been practicing more by myself at home instead〜

But when we did this shoot together Fukumura-san gave me a hug and that really energised me❣️

Plus I didn't have many photos shoots or other jobs with Fukumura-san so this photo makes me super happy、so I'll always remember how happy I was during this shootー📸

I have stories like this for each and every item！！！！

I could have happily told you about 10 of them but I stuck to 3 for today…😂

Maybe I'll tell you some more another day！

⋆┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈⋆

Well then it's time for today's 【Gettaa Life】✨

Today I was in Shizuoka、and after school I made a fruit tart with Mama‼️

The other day、Mama made a kiwi tart🥝 with the kiwis we bought at Fruit Park❗️

But I was in Tokyo at the time so I didn't get to eat itー So she suggested we make one todayー！

We made it from scratch！

...

🍎🍓🍒🍑🍊🍋🍈🍏🍐🥝🥭🍇🫐

Tadーa！！！

The final product〜！！！！

You can really taste that it's home-made✨

When I ate it I was surprised by how delicious it was！！

The crust was sweet and almondy and it tasted like it came from a shop……💗

Plus it's super cute❤️‍🔥

I haven't baked at all since I joined Morning so it was really satisfying to make this！

Making this and eating it helped ease my stress plus I enjoyed myself〜😋

Next time I have time I want to make valentine's chocolates🍫

Obviously for myself！I don't give my food to anyone

I Getted 「Refreshed by Delicious Food」✨

I hope Fukumura-san is taking some time to relax too。

I wanna bake with her someday

🍭🍬🍫🍿🍩

I'm great at frying eggs so I want Fukumura-san to taste my fried eggs！

I hope I can see her again〜！！！！！

That's all！This has been 【Gettaa Life】！

⋆┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈⋆

T/N News and information has not been translated

⋆┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈⋆

By the way we had grissini breadsticks at home in Shizuoka。

I said I wanted some on my blog so maybe they noticed that and bought some for me？

It made me happy🥰

Well then I'll see you tomorrow！

This has been YumiGettaa Ako！Good night🦅🦅🦅