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twisted-wonderland-shenanigans · 2 years ago

Note

Tiny bit of Monster AU Brainrot-

Malleus calling human Yuu Child of Humans instead of Chile of Men

Human Yuu singing Human by Rag'nBone Man (I have had this idea for way too long)

Human Yuu just minding their business in gym class running laps, and sees Vargas running at them full speed in his monster form for the first time, scaring them so bad that they start haul assing to the woods near the field

Human Yuu starts gushing to Malleus about how cool he is, saying things like, "Your horns are so awesome and beautiful!" and "Your wings look so big! And your tail look so shiny and smooth too! I bet Vil could only dream about having a tail like yours!" (I just wanna shower him with my own endearing praise~)

I’d actually been debating for a while how Malleus would refer to Yuu as the last known human, though “Child of Humans” does sound fitting. /)Ò^Ô I think I'll keep it that way!

As for the song “Human” by Rag’n’Bone Man, I honestly hadn’t heard that song until now and it gives me some interesting ideas on how some monsters may have believed in the past that—according to mythology—most humans were the bad ones and “put the blame on” them for certain things happening the way they did. For the researchers to be looking towards Yuu for answers to things that happened centuries ago, or for those who grew up hating human mythology in general and blaming Yuu for these things…I can imagine it would cause a lot of stress and anxiety even for the calmest and most collected person. Ó^Ò

This could also segway into how the monsters would discover the human penchant to express their emotions in a way that also sends a message, and if someone were to catch wind of Yuu singing this song (or happen to stumble upon it like the Light Music Club did)? Things would likely start taking on a different tone as the monsters realize that Yuu is just as much an innocent who knows nothing of what happened in the past: only that they were alone in the world, and that—like the monsters themselves—humans can make mistakes too.

Of course, being able to share songs that hold a special meaning to Yuu is going to be a magical bonding experience! ÓvÒ/)

Omg, Yuu’s very first day in gym class would have been chaotic 🤣 Let’s see how that first day went down…>3>

Under a read more due to length!

///

FWEET!!!

“Alright, everyone, line up! You have one minute to stretch before we begin doing laps around the track.”

Yuu felt small compared to the much larger monster students around them, realizing that some towered nearly nine feet tall. ‘I’m going to get trampled,’ they thought nervously. ‘I’m in a strange world, forced to attend school, and I’m literally going to get trampled by giant humanoid monsters doing PE.’

“Hey, Yuu!” a familiar voice called, snapping them out of their thoughts as they turned to see Ace waving them over. “What are you doing in the middle?”

“Huh? I’m…running…I think?” Yuu replied, feeling self-conscious about the multiple sets of eyes now on them. Glancing at the multiple pairs of hooves and claws, they muttered, “And trying not to get trampled over…”

“Don’t worry, you won’t get trampled underfoot,” came Coach Vargas’ response as he appeared in front of them, gesturing with a large claw to the inner track ring. “Smaller students will start out on the inside and will work their way towards the middle with everyone else. Though seeing as you lack any tail or strong legs like the others, this will be a test for me to see how fast and strong you are as a human. Just keep running, and you’ll do fine. And if you fall behind, I’ll help you keep a good pace!”

Nearby Yuu could hear a couple of students snicker and whisper, “Humans must fall flat on their face all the time without a tail. Just look at those weird legs!”

Whether they meant for Yuu to hear them or not wasn’t clear, but before they could think of a retort, they jumped when the coach blew the whistle again. “Stretches are over—get into position!” he bellowed, Yuu immediately scurrying over to join the other smaller students. “On your mark…get set…GO!!”

FWEEEET!!

In an instant, most of the monster students took off, most galloping on all fours while others somehow kept pace on two legs before the rest of the students followed suit. Yuu did okay at first, keeping pace behind a large eared faun with violet hair easily enough. But by the time they came close to finishing the first lap they’d fallen far behind, forced to stick as close to the edge of the track as possible even as a literal stampede of students charged past them.

‘Just keep running,’ they thought, feeling their cheeks burn with embarrassment as the students that mocked them earlier ran past with cackles of amusement. ‘I just gotta keep running…’

Rrrrrrr….

‘Just keep running, just keep running, running, running,’ Yuu chanted in their mind, keeping their eyes on the student in front of them as a pacer as they finished their second lap. ‘What do we do? We run, run, ru-’

“Gah! Not again!” someone yelped, running past them like a scared rabbit. A moment later the student they were following glanced over his shoulder, his eyes growing wide in pure fear and panic as he too ran faster. What was going on…?

“Rrrrrr…rrrAAAWOOOH!”

Hearing the bellowing roar and the shredding of fabric behind them, Yuu’s head whipped around to see Coach Vargas’ frame grow larger, fur covering every inch of his body as his face pushed out to form a distinctly canine-like snout while his arms grew into massive, long clawed paws. They’d wondered what sort of bear-like monster the coach was, but now they realized that—like Professor Crewel and Professor Trein—he was a werebeast…a werebear.

Charging straight FOR THEM!?!?!

“Oh, Sugar Honey Iced Tea!!!!” Yuu screamed, flat out bolting the moment the transformed coach began to charge after them. They couldn’t let him bite them—they didn’t want to be a werebear!! “Shit shit shit shit SHIT!!! AAAAAAAA-!!!!”

Students that had passed by them before now squawked as Yuu passed them, Yuu’s shoes pounding against the compact rubber ground while their heart hammered in their chest. Blood thundering in their ears, they didn’t hear the others calling their name as they bolted off the track, running full speed into the forest. All they could hear was the earth-shaking steps of the massive werebear charging after them, his growls and roars urging them to run faster and faster until—

/Sometime later/

“Can someone please explain to me why the human is stuck in a tree?” Professor Trein asked, Lucius giving a low growl to match his master’s scowl.

“They climbed up the tree on their own! Honestly, I’ve never seen any student run or climb so fast during PE.”

Tilting his head back to look up into the tree, Crowley heaved a tired sigh as he spotted Yuu’s terrified face barely peeking over the large branch they’d wrapped themselves around. They hadn’t moved an inch since he arrived, their eyes locked onto the coach with a ‘thousand-yard stare’ and knuckles turning white. “Did you even warn them of your particular training style?” the headmaster asked, though he had a feeling he knew the answer.

“I told them that if they fell behind, I would help them keep their pace,” came the response. “They’ve exceeded my initial expectations and even surpassed a few of their fellow runners!”

“Yes, yes, I’m sure it was an impressive sight to see, and I admire your dedication to ensuring students get the most out of their exercise. That, however, doesn’t explain how we’re supposed to get what is quite literally the last living fragile human down from the tree before they get hurt.”

“Ah…right. Don’t worry, I’ll get them down! It’s been a while since I last pulled a tree out by the roots. Maybe I can shake them out?”

“Fragile, Ashton! Fragile!” Crewel growled out.

In the end, the staff somehow managed to get Yuu safely down on the ground. It took Crewel’s reassurances that—no—Coach Vargas doesn’t bite the students during his “encouragement runs” and that—no—it is highly unlikely that Yuu would even become a werebeast if they had been bitten by accident. Needless to say, Yuu was given a pass from Vargas running behind them in his werebear form, and he made a bit more of an effort to keep pace with them in his normal humanoid form to encourage them.

Of course, that didn’t necessarily mean that the rest of the students were safe if he caught them falling behind!

///

Pfft…yeah, it went about as well as you’d expect when being chased by a bear. 😂 At least now they know that they can outrun him, and the other monster students got to witness the magic of human adrenaline in action! 0v0

Malleus interacting with Yuu…I can imagine that—as a dragon monster—he would sympathize with Yuu’s situation as much as Vil in how few both their species were. Perhaps that’s what first drew him to interact with them the first night he realized that Ramshackle was no longer an empty tomb—but rather, a sanctuary to protect something precious.

And precious they were, as with each interaction he had with them, the more he grew fond of Yuu’s strange human ways. Their admiration for him was tempered by pure, innocent curiosity as they speak. Each question they ask, he obliges with an amused smile or allows them a chance to touch his wings and horns. Each praise they sang to him filled him with warmth, freely allowing their hands to glide over the feathers of his wings or brush against the scales of his tail.

His mirth and amusement grew when they began to compare his beauty with Vil’s own, seeing their eyes light up with each new discovery or flicker of power he showed them. He may have grown used to hearing Sebek’s praise, though there was something endearing hearing a fabled human compliment him as though he were the only dragon fae monster in the world…and perhaps he was.

At least in that regard, he would be content to share this companionship with his Child of Humans.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twisted wonderland monster au #twst monster au #ashton vargas #twst dire crowley #divus crewel #mozus trein #ace trappola #malleus draconia

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fmoe1997 · 1 year ago

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Alessio awoke in the middle of the night to the sounds of an argument just beyond his door. He blearily peered over at the clock on his nightstand, its digital face displayed at 3:00 exactly, and groaned. The day before had left him exhausted. So much so he collapsed into bed as soon as he stripped down to his tank top and underwear, his suit left strewn about the floor. He fell into a deep sleep moments after, and hoped to remain that way until morning. But the voices not only persisted, they amplified, and refused to give him peace. Annoyed, and a little curious, he rose from the bed and walked over to his door.

Alessio pressed an ear against it, and the muffled voices came somewhat clearer. Or rather, the one voice. That of his boss, Crimson, and as usual he didn't sound pleased.

"Answer me, Moxxie, how many fuckin' times have I told ya not to disturb me when I'm sleepin'?"

Young Moxxie didn't answer at first, no doubt struggling under his father's confrontational eye. But when he did respond, Alessio had to strain to even hear his timid voice.

"A l- lot."

"Exactly! Too many fuckin' times. Get it through your thick skull already and go back to your room!"

"But dad! The monst-"

"There ain't no stinkin' monsters in your room, you're too old for this crap! Now get goin', or I will give you somethin' to be scared of."

He punctuated his sentence with the slam of his bedroom door and caused even Alessio to jolt from the force. He grumbled to himself before he pressed his ear back to listen out. Shortly after, he heard soft sniffles from Moxxie alone in the hallway and he cast his eyes to the floor.

A part of him wanted to go out there and help him, but mostly he wanted to sleep. This wasn't his place. Crimson no doubt wouldn't want him to assist his son regardless. He had to learn on his own, as he said during that dinner a few days ago. Granted he disobeyed that order but, unlike food, monsters were a figment of his imagination. He would grow out of it, he just had to let him be.

Although he felt he convinced himself of this, as Alessio stood back from the door his hand lingered on its surface for a second longer. When he did turn and take a step towards his bed, a hollow knock echoed from it that brought him to a halt. He should ignore it, he wanted to. But he turned back all the same and quietly opened the door to a teary-eyed Moxxie.

"Is something wrong, Moxx?"

The imp sniffed and bowed his head, unable to meet Alessio's piercing gaze. His tail flopped around a little before it instinctually came into his hands. A nervous tick that had become more frequent as of late, for reasons apparent to the both of them. He shifted his feet awkwardly, unable to get the words out that Alessio overheard before.

His fingers drummed along the crease of the door, before he eventually sighed and squatted down to Moxxie's level. The young imp looked up at him then, and when their eyes met again Alessio put on his best attempt at a smile.

"It's alright, you can tell me."

Moxxie looked back down the hall at the door to his father's room. Alessio could feel the anxiety that radiated off the poor imp. No doubt scared that he might be blamed for waking him up. Not that that wouldn't be entirely incorrect.

Eventually, he faced Alessio again, swallowed his fears, and whispered, "I saw a monster in my room."

Alessio tilted his head somewhat playfully, "Did you now?"

Moxxie nodded, more nervous this time. "Y-yeah! It had long wings, claws, sharp teeth, and... its eyes... they were crossed out!"

The details spilled from his lips rapidly, as if to illustrate how dire the situation was to the shark. He entertained it at first, all the details sounded stereotypical, but that last remark sounded too specific. And very familiar.

His face had grown serious again and he stood up. "Wait here."

Alessio half-walked, half-jogged back to his nightstand, where he pulled out a drawer and fished his gun from inside. Then he marched back to the door, careful of little Moxxie, and nodded to him to follow while they went to his room. Maybe he had fallen for his overactive imagination despite what he told himself, but Alessio had to be sure.

How the hell would the kid know about Exterminators?

He posted up by the door, his mind on attack mode. Moxxie pressed against the wall just behind him and mimicked his pose. Alessio held his gun up with one hand, while his other reached over and gripped the door handle. With a slight twist he unlocked it, then let it swing inward slowly.

His eyes saw the room as clear as daylight, and he took in every inch as the door slowly creaked open. The entire left wall was clear of any intruders. The bed stood still, the covers tossed up from when the imp ran out of the room. Toys sat on the floor haphazardly, but seemingly undisturbed since Moxxie last played with them. More and more of the room got exposed and Alessio felt confident it was nothing more than the kid's fears that got to him.

With the door fully open, he peeked his head in to look towards the closets on the right side. That's when he saw it. In the glow of the dim musical note nightlight by the floor, he saw the monster. At the top of the doorframe, a pair of crossed eyes sat above a smile stretched maliciously across its face. His eyes grew wide at the sight, then immediately narrowed into slits. In that split second, he didn't even think to hesitate.

He gripped the gun in both hands and fired point-blank into that evil grin. The room exploded with light and the home echoed with gunfire, but Alessio didn't relent. Moxxie got lucky enough to escape from that thing, he didn't want to give it a second opportunity. Although he had no idea if these shots would even faze it, it didn't deter him. The safety of Crimson and Moxxie came above all else.

When his gun finally clicked empty, and he saw the face destroyed beyond repair, he finally ceased his assault. Above the slight hum of his eardrums, he heard the soft, shaken breaths of Moxxie behind him. Before he could check on him, however, the door across from them burst open and Crimson came out brandishing his own pistol.

"Alessio?! What in the fuck are shooting my house up for? What's goin' on?" He looked down to find Moxxie by his side, and his already sour expression worsened.

Alessio saw the look in his eye, and answered before he could admonish Moxxie again. "Sir, I saw an Exterminator in his room."

Crimson blinked a couple times, then looked at him as if he had grown two extra heads. "Extermination Day was months ago, Ale. Even then, they stick to Pride. Why the fuck would one be here?"

Alessio knew he asked the question less to understand why one would hypothetically be here, and more to comment on his lack of forethought. Before he could answer him, he heard something fall in Moxxie's room, and his head whipped back to the closet. The face had disappeared, and as he turned his eyes to the ground he found it had fallen to the floor.

Curious, he stepped in and walked over to it. He reached down with his empty hand and picked it up, then turned it around to the damaged face on the other side. The lights switched on, and Alessio looked back to find Crimson by the door with his hand on the switch. The don looked at him, and Alessio raised the mask.

"Someone put this in his room to scare him."

Crimson grimaced at the realization that Moxxie had, in some way, told him the truth. "God damn it," he cursed to himself and pressed the back of his gun against his forehead.

After a few, angered, breaths he nodded. "Right, we'll have to figure out who put it there tomorrow. Probably that chucklefuck Giancarlo thought it'd be funny. Guess we'll see if he's still laughin' while he replaces my drywall."

He stopped mid-rant as Moxxie pushed into the room. The little imp saw Alessio on one knee with the destroyed mask in hand and gasped. "You got him?!"

The exclamation from him made Alessio crack a smile, and he nearly played back into the fantasy. That is until he caught a look from Crimson that told him to act professional, and he pulled back just as quickly.

"It was just a mask, Moxx. There weren't any monsters. You should go to bed now."

Moxxie's smile faded, and he looked up at his father. Alessio expected the same uncaring treatment from earlier, but he simply nodded in agreement and walked out of the room. He spoke not a word, nor even attempted to give his son any small comfort. A fact that quickly registered across Moxxie's face as it took on a downtrodden look.

He shuffled back to the bed and awkwardly climbed up onto its surface, and Alessio stayed with him until he got under the covers. With a few more adjustments he eventually settled back into bed, and Alessio walked towards the door so he might do the same. After a few paces, he stopped and looked back over at the imp, curled back in bed and ready to sleep.

Maybe it was the feeling of isolation that radiated from his motionless form, or the memory of Crimson's beratement, but something about the sight prompted him to say something. Anything that may offer a hand where one had been denied.

"Moxx?"

The small imp shifted enough to look at him over the covers. Alessio paused for another moment in thought, then eventually nodded.

"If you run into trouble again, you know where to find me."

He gave him a soft smile, and this time Moxxie appeared more receptive to it as his eyes took on a slight sparkle. Satisfied, Alessio switched the lights off and shut the door behind him as he stepped back into the hall. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Crimson stood outside his room.

He believed he waited for him, and he turned to face him directly. Instead, Crimson looked beyond him at the door to his son's room. He didn't acknowledge Alessio's presence until he hesitantly asked, "Sir?"

Crimson finally looked at him and blinked tiredly. "What the fuck am I gonna do with him, Ale?"

The question took Alessio off-guard, and he turned to Moxxie's door in thought. While he had grown physically in recent years, in all other aspects he remained unchanged. Those aspects which Crimson desperately wanted to fix. Characteristics that made him soft, and reminded him of his late wife.

To this day he still blamed her for his improper upbringing. As much as Alessio respected her, he couldn't find fault in Crimson's issues with the boy. This life would not be kind to Moxxie if he could not fend for himself, or if a Halloween mask kept him up at night. He needed to learn, but that required someone to teach him. If Crimson refused that role, someone else would have to take it up.

Alessio turned back to his boss. "Give it time, sir. He'll come around eventually."

Although Crimson looked as if he wanted to dispute his claim, he simply shook his head and muttered, "Yeah, sure. Imma go to bed. Umm... thanks, I guess."

He half-heartedly shrugged and shuffled back into his room; the door closed soon after and clicked with the turn of the lock. Alessio huffed out a long breath and took one last look at Moxxie's room. Then, he walked back down the hall to his own room and closed the door. Although he hoped to find slumber, he'd instead spend the night in quiet contemplation.

Another Alessio being a better dad than Crimson prompt I wanted to write out. This headcanon has me in a vice grip and I will be writing a lot of these in the future. Also I love baby Moxx and he deserves all the love in the world 😤❤️

#fanfic #fanfiction #ao3 writer #writer on ao3 #helluva boss #helluva boss fandom #helluva boss fanfiction #helluva boss crimson #helluva boss alessio #criminale #helluva boss moxxie #alessio is the best not-dad

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lubdubsworld · 4 years ago

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Better Man.

~~~~We might still be in love, if you were a better man. ~~~~

Taehyung x OC

Rating 18 +

Angst.

Implied Infidelity in the past.

Chapter 1 ~ Walk out the first time.

"Are you okay?" My mother's soft voice came from behind me and i panicked, hurriedly swiping at the tears that were streaking down my face. Heart pounding, I grabbed a bunch of tissues from the dresser, patting my face down hurriedly , making sure to keep my back to her.

"I'm fine, Mom." I said , voice surprisingly steady as I turned around to smile weakly at her. She stood near the doorway, a petite woman of fifty with greying hair and too many wrinkles.

I thought she looked older than she was and i knew I had a part to play in that. Sighing, I tried not to cry more, moving to gently take my son out of her arms.

He was four years old, fast asleep and smiling sweetly in his slumber. He had downy black hair, feather soft and warm brown eyes. He looked incredibly like his father, the resemblance stunning even though he was so young. I stared at him some more, laying him down on the bed and brushing the hair off his face.

"Are you sure there is no mistake? Taehyung ssi wouldn't hurt us like this..." My mother said, sounding broken and I felt a pang of sympathy. But also annoyance.

Us.

Us....like she had an equal share in the hurt I was feeling.

I was the one getting a divorce but my mother made it sound like it was personal to her as well. Like somehow, the fact that she now had to meet her friends and tell them that her daughter was divorced could compare to the pain I was feeling. To the sheer anguish that was filling me.

To be fair though, my mother had loved Taehyung very much. Her favorite son-in-law . My sister's husband had been a mean drunkard who had brought a lot of misery to our family. Taehyung by contrast had been a loving, filial son in law. He had cared deeply for my parents, paid for my father's funeral ( even though the man itself was nothing more than a drunk , cheating fool who had abandoned us ) and he had been the most kind man .

I swallowed.

Maybe , you should have forgiven him. Maybe , you shouldn't have divorced him . So, he slept with another woman. Fine. It was one night... just one night. you should have gotten over it! Was it worth it to spend all these countless nights alone? To break your mother's heart a thousand times over?

The funny thing was, i had forgiven him. Maybe right after I had found out. He had stood there, looking shell-shocked and horrified and his eyes had begged me for forgiveness and my heart had cracked , the way it always did whenever I saw him in distress. And when he had looked me in the eye and said, " I’m sorry, Jang mi..." I had forgiven him right then and there.

But it was the forgetting that was hard. The fear that it would happen again. The fear that somehow, I was the reason he strayed. And that kind of fear can be debilitating. For the first three weeks, I'd tried to pretend it hadn't happened. I had tried hard to see him the way I had always seen him but it had been impossible. everytime I saw him, my heart had broken anew. It had been hard but I had to accept that things would never be the same. That I would forever look at him and remember what he’d done. That I would forever wonder if he would do it again.

So we had done the wise thing.

At first a break.

A few days apart to get our head on straight. Then I’d found a job and I had to move closer to the office to make the commute easy. And then suddenly, I wasn’t seeing him even during the weekends , to spend time as family for our son’s sake. And just like that , a whole year had passed and we were separated. Only meeting to hand Hoshi over to each other.

"I'm sorry mother." I said softly. I knew that she blamed me, a whole lot for the separation.

People with children didn't leave each other over infidelity in my country. You hit your husband, denied him from your bed maybe but you didn't break up a family over one night of bad decisions. You just didn't .

But for me, it was beyond the act. It was the broken trust, the shock of knowing that some other woman had given him something I couldn't, the fact that he had even wanted it from another woman had been enough for me to crumble on the inside.

But, none of it mattered now.

He wanted a divorce. Officially. Wanted to end it for real.

It was jarring, how badly it shook me. I felt unaccountably lost and confused and disoriented. I couldn't imagine not being Taehyung’s wife , i realized with a stunning sense of self realization.

Call me irrational, but apparently, I couldn't stop thinking of him as my husband , even after two years. Soon he wouldn't be my husband.

He would be my ex -husband.

i hated that word.

It had such a plethora of negative connotations to it. When you hear it , you just brace yourself for unpleasantness.

Because it is unpleasant. A marriage ending, a family breaking, feelings hurt , hearts shattered, angry words tossed...its all a very unpleasant experience for everyone involved.

An ex husband was seldom a harbinger of happiness, more often a reminder of choices gone wrong, regrets and wasted time. and I didn’t want to associate Taehyung with a word like that.

Taehyung who was still the kindest, warmest human being I knew. The best father in the world.

I felt like someone had sucked all the strength out of me.

I didn’t really want to think about the call I’d gotten from Taehyung last night. An appointment with a divorce lawyer. It had been followed by an apology because apparently, someone in the law firm had let the info leak. And now it was all over the sleazy tabloids that fed on people’s misery.

It was impossible to escape it too, Taehyung was famous. An idol. And actor. The country's sweetheart. And he was the epitome of perfection. The beautiful, talented actor with an impeccable record of well behavior.

I knew that literally everyone on the planet thought he was a literal angel.

I remembered how much , by contrast, I had been hated when I'd married him.

I could just imagine how much more it would all be this time around. And i wondered if it bothered Taehyung too. Did he perhaps wish he’d never met me

It had been sheer luck that we had met....

In fact, if Jimin's car hadn't broken down right outside our home on that cold December night, I wouldn't have even met Taehyung. A great cosmic shift, somewhere some butterfly flapped its wing a certain way and suddenly, Jimin’s car ran over a thumbtack and his phone was dead so while he tried to fix the damage , Taehyung just had to knock on our home and I had been the one to open it.

Boom. That was it. Love at first sight.

I had been a high school kid and he had been barely nineteen. Fresh faced and cheerful , the struggling idol from a small company. He hadn't been surrounded by fans or chased by saesangs. He hadn't had security tailing him. No daesangs, BBMAs, or acting awards. No blockbuster movies to his credit , no chart-bursting songs either .

And I had fallen in love with that version of him.

The hardworking, talented young man who worked twice as hard as anyone around him.

That's right. You've loved him for fifteen years. So it's understandable that you're upset. Now, maybe you can move on too. Go on a few of those blind dates that Jiyoung is always setting you up on. Go live your life instead of being a zombie. Get a hair cut. Dye your hair red. Do something to get your life in order.

"I still find it hard to believe that he would want a divorce. Jangmi yah... did you tell him you forgave him? Tell him you wanted to try again..." My mother said again and the distress in her voice was equal parts heartbreaking and exasperating.

"Mother, I don't want to try again . We aren't married anymore. It's over, whatever it was between us. "

Whatever it was.

How cruel, to have all that love, all that affection reduced to a phrase like that.

What a pity.

"But what about Hoshi? He needs his father..." My mother cried out and I willed myself not to snap. She means well, I thought miserably.

"He has a father. Taehyung is an excellent father and you know that. Don’t start that again.”

My mother sighed.

"I still feel that this wouldn’t happen if you tried a little bit. He’s a good boy. Such a good boy and you could never do anyone better. Why are you so full of pride, Jangmi... so prideful...you should be a little humble. Think of the kind of man he is...where would you find a man like that ? And moreover .... Taehyung loves you. i know he does." My mother said stubbornly.

I sighed, feeling my fingers shake from the effort not to scream. I wasn’t strong enough to have this conversation with her. Not now. Possibly never. Taehyung did love me. Had never made any effort to hide it. But sometimes, love wasn’t enough. It just wasn’t.

And I wanted to yell at my mother she was at least partially to blame for me walking out on Taehyung.

My father had left us for another woman , when I was twelve. I had seen the toll it had taken on my mother and I just knew that I would never let a man do that to me. My mother had later confided in me that it wasn’t the first time. He had done it before. A lot of times. And my mother had always forgiven him. Let him back into our lives.

And one night, drunk on soju she had confided between hiccups, ‘ I wish I’d walked out the first time.”

And that had stuck with me.

Walk out the first time.

If he cheats on you , walk out the first time. Don’t stick around waiting for him to do it to you again. Walk out the first time.

And so I had.

“ Should I talk to him? Tell him you’ve changed your mind? “ My mother began and I felt my patience snap.

“No!! Could you just, for the love of God, stay out of this, ma? It’s over. Our marriage is over and it has been over for a long time. A piece of paper doesn’t really change that, does it? Its not my fault you can’t get over it but that’s a you problem. And you need to fix it yourself. “ I shouted.

My mother immediately recoiled, eyes shuttering down.

“Of course. You know the best. Who cares how anyone else feels, right, Jang Mi? You always know best.” She said softly, and I exhaled, shaken. There it was. The guilt trip. It was never ending.

Please... I just need to go now.” I moved to grab my bag, :” I need to go get ready for the meeting with the lawyers tomorrow. You can keep Hoshi with you tonight. I’ll come pick him up after I’m done and then I’ll drop him off at his father’s place.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

With Taehyung and I, our break up hadn’t been terrible.

It hadn’t been terrible because our own penchant for being terrible had always been very minimal. We didn’t do swearing or fights or threats and it always annoyed our friends that we got along so well. That it was so easy for us to forgive and move on with each other . That we were the one couple who didn’t hold grudges or bring up past mistakes.

Which is why, when we did break up, none of our friends had tried to change our minds over it. They had accepted it rather calmly, shocked at first because it was so out of the blue but not opposed to the idea itself . They just trusted us to know the right thing to do because we were easily the most mature , the most level headed couple in the entire group. We were usually the sounding boards , the voice of reason in whatever petty conflict our friends were involved in .

So when it was us, needling a little advice, a little guidance, our friends had been woefully ill equipped to help. They had merely hummed and nodded and empathized. Maybe that was another reason I’d left. I hadn’t considered the alternative. No one had asked me to consider the alternative.

Our friends had watched us drift apart watched us break up, but they hadn’t really asked us why.

Because if something had caused Kim Taehyung and Jang Mi to break up, man, that must’ve been a really huge issue.

So the break up had been amicable. Gradual and slow but mostly amicable, eased by our mutual love for our son. We wanted him happy and he was happy when we were happy. So we put on a front, laughed and joked in front of him and let him have some semblance of normalcy in his life.

It wasn’t easy.

From him, it had been nothing but a mess of heated glances, touches laced with intent and eyes begging forgiveness . every gaze of his was a silent scream for a second chance that I was not at all ready to give.

Because for me, the raw hurt and anger and frustration that bubbled up every time I saw him , it had nowhere to go. It stayed churning in my gut, made everything bitter and unpalatable and I wanted to hurt him for hurting me. How could I think of a second chance when the hurt from the first, was still so fresh, an open wound festering.

Self esteem in tatters, I had hated him fiercely.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The meeting was at his company, and I arrived at nine in the morning, with a few more minutes to spare. I knew the place like the back of my hand, was here at least once a week either to pick or drop Hoshi off and I knew that the conference room in the third floor was sound proof and cut off from the rest of the building for extra privacy.

Which was a little too late because I’d found two tabloid newspapers waiting outside my apartment this morning.

I opened the door carefully, surprised to see Taehyung sitting in one of the chairs, bent over a sheaf of paper on the table and next to him a leggy girl in a small skirt hovered, fingers resting lightly on his shoulder, bent at the optimum angle to show him her curves.

I sighed, looking away.

It was way too early for this.

“Mia!” Taehyung’s voice made me look up, and I watched as he stood up, pushing the chair away and moving to me . He was easily the most good looking man in the country. And he looked so good at thirty five that it was impossible to look away from him.

He was dressed in a pale blue shirt and black slacks and it never amazed me, how good clothes fit him.

I took in the broad shoulders, thick arms and the lean waist, the carefully styled hair and the breathtakingly beautiful face and sighed when he kept coming closer, hands held out. .

Of course, the customary hug.

i let him wrap his arms around me, my face buried in the comforting warmth of his body, the scent of his cologne filling my brain . He always smelled so good it made my heart hurt. I tried not to let myself get carried away. Tried to remind myself that this wasn’t anything more than a.....

A facade ? Or was it? Was his affection genuine?

Was I just too cynical?

I shook my head, pulling away and smiling a little at the genuine venom in the leggy girl’s face.

“Are you okay? Where’s Hoshi?” Taehyung brushed the hair off my face, eyes warm and I wondered if he’d forgotten we were here to get a divorce.

Whenever we met, Taehyung acted like we were still together.

No, that wasn’t it.

He just didn’t act like we had broken up. He was affectionate and open and cooperative. It always left me in a sort of limbo, unable to navigate our relationship with clear boundaries. There were no line to stop myself from crossing, because he just didn’t draw them.

“ Ms. Lee says we just have to go over the details like the alimony and the custody and the division of assets and then we can just proceed. Get it all finalized. “ He said casually, when I moved away and sat on the chair opposite him.

“Okay .” I said casually.

He smiled and turned back to the girl next to him.

“I’ll join you after the meeting Lisa.” he gave her a nice wide smile and the girl practically bloomed under the attention before bowing curtly in my direction. I watched her walk away, slightly amused.

“Bit younger than your usual type.” I commented , glancing at him. He gave me a look.

“I’m not dating her.” He shrugged.

“Does she know that?” I retorted.

It was dumb. Uncalled for. I was being a bitch, really but the urge to evoke some kind of reaction from Taehyung was something I’d never really out grown. I liked getting under his skin.

Taehyung sighed and gave me a little smirk.

“Are you jealous, Mia mine?” He teased.

It felt a little like someone had dug a nine inch dagger straight into my heart.

That stupid nickname.

God I couldn’t bear it.

Swallowing i looked away.

“Sorry. “ he said quietly, a few seconds later.

I nodded curtly.

“Don’t do it again.” I said hoarsely.

“Why not?” He whispered gently.

I groaned.

“Taehyung... “

“it’s just a name...why does it bother you so much?” He whispered.

“The same reason you’re asking me for a divorce.” I said softly.

He blinked.

“Mia...”

“Because we both know its time to stop.” I said quietly. “ Stop dancing around each other , stop doing...whatever it is we’ve been doing these past two years and give our relationship a name. “

“I’m not very fond of labels.” He shrugged. I glared at him.

“Well tough luck. Labels are good. Labels are great. They let you draw boundaries. “ I retorted.

“You sound like you’ve had enough of me.”

“Well, haven’t you had enough of me?” I snapped.

“Not even close.” He leaned forward gently, eyes pinning me to the table with a gaze so strong he may as well have used his body. And it didn’t help that two years wasn’t enough time to forget how it would feel if he had used his body. How it would feel to be stretched out on that table, him on top of me, hands working my clothes open, lips kissing their way down my jaw.

I could almost taste him, taste the minty freshness of his breath, feel his tongue in my mouth, the hardness of him inside me. My thighs clenched because I hadn’t gotten laid in two fucking years and even if i did, no one would ever compare to the man in front of me.

“Mr. Kim? Mrs. Kim? “

The lawyer’s voice broke the spell and i straightened, swallowing. Ms. Lee had walked in , and I watched her close the conference door behind her before locking it gently.

She was young, dressed in a business suit , a no nonsense bun and had small round framed glasses. She gave me a nice smile, shook hands with us both and placed her briefcase on the table before glancing between us.

“Shall we begin?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author’s Note : its gonna be a bumpy ride.

#taehyung angst #taehyung smut #taehyung fics #bts fics #taehyung fanfic #bts smut #bts fic #bts fanfic

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a-dragons-journal · 4 years ago

Note

i dont "kin for fun" but through tiktok i found out about the whole kin for fun vs actual otherkin... situation ig? im having a really hard time taking it seriously... maybe im just burnt out and bitter from dealing with the worlds current events, and maybe its because on tiktok the only people i saw mad about it were white people, but you're the most reasonable person ive seen talking about it (a lot of other posts have this odd tone that 12 year olds on tiktok saying kin is the worlds greatest opression and it weirds me out) so ig my question is just... why exactly does this matter? why does it matter enough to post about and care about and not just ignore? /gen

Hey! I don’t blame you for being a bit weirded out by it, we’re a weird subculture and we’re well aware of it! xD I appreciate you taking the time to actually look into it past your first knee-jerk reaction, especially considering burnout and the state of things.

I’m not totally sure if you’re asking why otherkinity matters or why the “kin for fun” being wrong matters, so I’ll answer both - they’re pretty well tied together anyway.

The short version:

Otherkinity is an identity. It’s who we are, we can’t choose to pick it up or put it down, and it comes with struggles - though no, ‘kin are not systematically oppressed (though we are pretty badly bullied and, at this point, pushed out of our own words and spaces).

What people calling roleplay/relating to/projecting onto characters “kinning for fun” does is steal our words, make them meaningless, and in doing so, make it difficult or impossible for us to find each other. If someone says “I kin [x],” I no longer know whether they mean “I am [x] on an intrinsic level” or “haha I relate to this character a lot”. I no longer know whether they actually share my experiences or if they’re going to turn on me and call me “crazy” as soon as they realize I’m not exaggerating or joking or roleplaying. It’s done massive harm to the community as a whole because it’s become difficult to tell whether someone is actually ‘kin or if they’ve misunderstood the whole thing - and because antikin rhetoric, which I’m seeing more and more in KFF spaces, hurts far more when it’s coming from inside what you thought was a community space than when it’s coming from self-labeled “antikin.”

There are other words for roleplaying and relating to and projecting onto characters. Hell, there are words for strongly identifying with-but-not-as characters/things, though usually KFF people don’t even seem serious enough for those to fit in my experience. I’m really not sure why these people are so determined to steal and misuse our words, words that were specifically created to mean something else, when they already have their own and are just refusing to use them. (Or, hell, if you don’t feel like those fit, make your own. We did. It’s your turn to put in the work. (General you, not you-the-anon, of course.))

An analogy, if that still doesn’t quite land for you:

Consider, for a moment, the transgender community. I am aware this is a dangerous thing to say, but bear with me. Obvious CW for hypothetical transphobia up ahead is obvious.

Consider if you were part of the trans community (I don’t know if you are or not), having finally found a word to explain why you feel the way you do about yourself, why your experiences don’t seem to match up with those of everyone else around you. Having found a community, a home, full of other people like you, people you never would have met if not for words like “transgender” and “gender dysphoria/euphoria” that were created specifically to describe your experiences.

Now consider if people suddenly stumbled across your community for the first time who were not trans themselves. They see community jokes and lighthearted posts out of context, because Tumblr and Twitter aren’t exactly conducive to making sure people find the Transgender 101 information posts first. They don’t bother to do further research, assuming they understand: ah, these people like to crossdress! They like to pretend they’re a different gender! This seems like a fun hobby, I want in!

They begin to post things like this. They post photos of them crossdressing and caption them “hi, I’m [name], and I trans men!” and things of the like. Suddenly the concept of “transing for fun” seems to be everywhere - and it’s not at all what being trans actually is, but these people either don’t know or don’t care. When actual trans people try to politely correct them, they’re accused of “gatekeeping” - and to be clear, this is not “nonbinary people aren’t real,” it’s “transgender means you identify as a gender other than the one you were assigned at birth, and you’re self-identifying as the gender you were assigned at birth 100% and telling us this is just a fun hobby for you, therefore you’re not trans, you’re crossdressing or doing drag or being GNC. That’s fine, but it’s not being trans - you have other words to describe that, use those.”

(Yes, I am aware these things have a history with the trans community - please just ignore that for the sake of the analogy and bear with me on the slightly simplified version of this. “Kinning for fun” does not have that same history with the otherkin community.)

...And then the response to those attempted corrections, in some corners, turns into “wait, you ACTUALLY think you’re another gender? idk that sounds pretty unhealthy, maybe you should see a psychologist or something :\” and “you’re taking this too seriously.”

I imagine, in this hypothetical scenario, you’d also be pretty fuckin peeved.

(Obviously, in this hypothetical scenario, systematic transphobia would be an issue as well, which isn’t the case for otherkin - again, you’re gonna have to bear with me on the simplification for sake of analogy there.)

(EDIT: this is not an anti-MOGAI/exclusionist argument, this is “you’re literally telling me you don’t fit the definition,” explanation on that here)

The long version, which is probably still worth reading if you have the time and energy:

Otherkinity is... pretty core to who I am, who we as a group of individuals are. We live with being otherkin on a daily basis. Many of us spent a long time feeling different and disconnected and not understanding why until we found the otherkin community. Even people like me, who don’t share that experience and still had social connection - I’ve still had to live with weird differences that I had to learn to mask when necessary; instincts that don’t line up with human society well, feeling body parts that weren’t there and that no one else ever seemed to have, things that other kids grew out of because it was just make-believe for them and I... didn’t, because it was never make-believe for me to begin with. Oh, sure, I played make-believe too - I played warrior cats and house and all those things with the other kids, but there were things that weren’t play-pretend for me too. I didn’t have an explanation for it for a long time - it was just how I was, I was weird, and fortunately for me personally I was okay with that (many of those with species dysphoria or more trouble connecting with humans have more problems from that than I did).

And then I found the word “otherkin.” And suddenly everything fell into place, and I had an explanation for the things I’d been experiencing, and there were other people like me. Something I’d assumed didn’t exist. I found others who shared my unique experiences, who were talking about how to cope with the instinct to growl or snap jaws at people instead of expressing annoyance in a human way instead of just saying “that’s weird, don’t do that”, who were talking about dealing with phantom wings and tails, who understood me. I wasn’t weird, I wasn’t broken, I was exactly what one would expect from a dragon living in human skin. I found an explanation for myself. I found a home.

That is why otherkinity matters - it is who we are, it’s not something we can walk away from (certainly not most of us, anyway), and it’s something many of us need the support of the community to help deal with on a daily basis. Being a nonhuman in human society isn’t always easy, but it’s not something we can just magically stop being - it’s core to who we are, we (generally) didn’t choose to be this way, and we (generally) can’t choose to stop. Which is fine - the vast majority of us can cope with it just fine, with a little advice and help and space to be our authentic selves in. We found each other, we built this community from the ground up to make a space and words to make finding each other easier - or possible at all.

Thus we come to the second half of our story.

It was only a couple of years ago that the “kin for fun” trend started getting big. It had existed before that, of course, but it only started going mainstream two, maybe three years ago, from what I can tell. Suddenly people were treating “kin” like it meant relating to, projecting onto, roleplaying as, or just really really liking a character or thing - not being that thing, which is what it actually means. Not long after that, it became hard to tell whether someone saying “I kin this” meant they were that thing, that they were actually part of our community - or that they really really liked that thing and either didn’t know or couldn’t be bothered to learn that that wasn’t the case for us.

Not long after that, it became relatively commonplace to hear phrases like “otherkin are ruining kinning!!” and “you’re taking this too seriously” and “idk, if it’s that serious for you that sounds unhealthy. maybe you should get some help :\” (all directly quoted, or as exactly quoted as I can remember, from things KFF people have said to me or people I know).

It is a special kind of hell, I think, to be told “you’re taking this too seriously, that’s unhealthy” by people who are taking words created to describe your experiences, not theirs, and misusing them to mean something that you do for fun on a weekend instead of something that’s intrinsic to your being.

Perhaps more importantly, like I’ve said, it’s making it almost impossible to know whether someone who says “I kin [x]” is actually ‘kin or if they’re misusing our words to mean something else entirely. The entire point of words is to communicate ideas, and once you start misusing words to mean something totally different than what they actually mean, that communication falls apart and suddenly we might as well not have those words at all. Especially when the community is small enough and obscure enough that we’re starting to be outnumbered by the misinformation. We’re being run out of our own words, words we created to describe our experiences specifically - because we’re a small community that the wider internet can easily drown out by sheer numbers of people who either don’t know any better or don’t care to learn.

That’s the harm it does - the harm it is doing, right now. That’s why it’s important enough to post about. That’s why it matters - because we’re fighting desperately to hang onto our own words so that others like us can actually find us. Because we’re seeing young nonhumans go “this isn’t a kin, I actually am this” and screaming “No, I’m so sorry that this is what the misinformation has done to you, that’s exactly what otherkin means, you have a place here, please don’t let these non-’kin misusing our words drive you away from the very community you’re looking for and that you belong in.” Because we can’t even communicate effectively about our own experiences anymore except in semi-closed spaces like Discord servers and forums (and the number of Discord servers overrun with KFF people is absurd).

......This got very long. Hopefully it at least explained why it matters so much to me and others a bit better ^^; Thanks for hearing me out, and thank you again for looking into this beyond your initial knee-jerk reaction - I really do appreciate it.

(For further reading, if that text wall didn’t blow you out of the water completely, I recommend my “kin for fun” tag, which has more posts like this in both short and long form.)

#probably should've put this under a cut but oh well #otherkin #kin for fun #kinnie #kinning #rani talks #asked and answered #anonymous #rani talks A LOT apparently sbfldkngjlksdf #i have a lot of feelings on this #long post

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cherienymphe · 4 years ago

Text

Unrequited (Thor x Reader)

WARNINGS: NON-CON, loss of virginity, side of Loki x reader, reader has it bad for Loki

➥ {page breaks done by @firefly-graphics }

summary: you, a servant, are in love with Loki, your prince. He’s never noticed, and while that’s unfortunate for you, it is much to Thor’s delight because he has noticed. And he can’t stand it.

You stood along the wall with the rest of the servants, waiting as patiently as ever. The other girls beside you had been fidgeting for a while, Ingrid huffing for the fifth time in minutes, and you supposed that you couldn’t blame them. The feast had commenced hours ago, and it seemed as if an end was nowhere in sight. You, however, were more than happy to wait.

A familiar hand lifted into the air, long fingers snapping to beckon you over. Without hesitation, you answered the dark-haired prince’s call, feet hurrying to take you to him. You knew what he wanted as soon as he lifted his goblet, and you were extra careful in pouring him more wine. You’d hate to spill any on him.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he absentmindedly said, the words falling so easily from his lips.

You’d heard them probably a thousand times, and just like before, you always asked:

“Is there anything else I can do for you, my prince?”

And just like always, he said:

“No, that will be all.”

You kept your smile in place as he waved you away, heart sinking as you turned to join the rest of the servants on the wall. Your fingers scraped along the pitcher in your hands, and you let your eyes fall to the ground as a particularly loud laugh climbed out of the king’s throat. You cringed at the grating noise, lip trembling as you forced your beating heart to still.

Your eyes finally rose again, landing on the prince, and your heart clenched in your chest. His dark hair shone as it brushed along his broad shoulders, long fingers dancing along the rim of his goblet. He stood out amongst the rest of the rowdy guests, his quiet disposition a stark contrast in the rowdy room. He was always quiet though.

That’s what you loved about him.

Prince Loki didn’t care to be the center of attention…just like you. He spent his time reading and writing. Occasionally, you’d walked in on him drawing a sketch or two. On most days, he was subdued, preferring to observe those around him. You noticed that he took his time when talking with people, seeming to really mull over his responses before voicing them. He was such a breath of fresh air from-.

Your thoughts were cut short by that laugh again, and you winced. King Thor bellowed, completely tickled by something Hogun had whispered to him. You straightened and glanced away from him with a small sigh.

You had no ill feelings towards the king…none of consequence anyway. Everything about him just seemed to overwhelm you. He was too loud or too big or too abrasive. He was just too much. For as long as you’d known him, he was loud and demanding and a bit spoiled. Not to mention impulsive. He and Loki were so different that you often found yourself wondering how the two could even be related.

Fortunately for you, it seemed that Loki had finally grown tired of the antics, waving you along as he stood. You set the pitcher down and rushed to follow him, trailing behind him like a pet would. Sometimes you thought that you should feel embarrassed at how completely devoted to him you were, but you couldn’t find it in yourself too.

The prince was beautiful, and not just because he was a god, but because he was Loki. His green eyes sparkled like emeralds, and his pink lips had never once formed to say anything to hurt you, the opposite in fact. His voice could soothe even the crankiest of children. Prince Loki had never been anything but kind to you, even allowing you to borrow his books.

You were irrevocably in love with him.

You knew it was silly. He was a prince, a god, the highest caliber of royalty there was, and you… You were a servant. He would never look at you the way you looked at him, but you knew that his brother had a reputation for pulling servants into his chambers through all hours of the night. Heat settled into the pit of your stomach as you thought of Loki doing the same to you.

It became clear early on though that he was not like that. At first, you thought that it had just been you, and disappointment and sorrow had eaten away at you for weeks, but you soon realized that no one was warming his bed. You hoped that one day that would change. Even if that was all the prince wanted from you, you’d happily give it to him.

You’d do anything to please him.

“Draw me a bath,” he tiredly murmured just as you closed his chamber door behind you.

“Of course.”

You breezed past him, and through his bedroom, making your way into the bath. Loki didn’t like his bath water too hot, and you waded your hand through it many times to make sure it was just right. You added some soaps to it, grabbing the bowl of flower petals you’d placed beside the tub this morning. You were seated on it, tossing them across the water just as he made his way inside. You set it down, hurrying to help him undress.

“Thor was more energetic than usual tonight,” he said, sighing as he eased into the warm water. “How do you always manage to get it perfect?”

That last part was said so softly that you wondered if you’d imagined it, and you knew that it must have been said more to himself, not meant for you. You smiled anyway.

“Did you enjoy yourself, my prince?” you genuinely wondered, resting your arms and chin on the large bath.

His head was leaned back, eyes closed as he soaked. A small smirk danced along his lips, and you eyed it.

“As well as to be expected, I suppose. I’ll never understand why Thor demands my attendance to such trivial gatherings. Nothing more than a self-congratulatory circle jerk,” he sneered.

You swallowed a laugh at his crude language.

“Pardon my wording,” he apologized.

“It’s alright. Would you like for me to wash your hair?”

You were already moving as you asked the question, but his soft ‘please’ warmed your heart. Your fingers were gentle in combing through his locks, massaging his scalp. A low moan rumbled deep in his throat, and you ran your eyes over him as he relaxed under your ministrations.

When you were done, you cupped some water in your hands a few times before letting it run over his hair. You swallowed when he began to rise, and as much as you didn’t want to, you looked away.

“I’ll go turn back your bed,” you told him as you turned around to give him some privacy.

As you pulled his sheets and covers back, you couldn’t stop yourself from running your fingers over the cool material. You wondered how comfortable they were, how cool they’d feel against your skin. How cool they would feel while the prince had his way with you…

You snatched your hand back like you’d been caught doing something you shouldn’t have. You swallowed down your wanton thoughts as Loki exited, fully dressed for bed.

“Is there anything else I can do for you, my prince?”

Your voice was soft as you asked the same question you did every night, hoping against hope that he’d finally say what you wanted to hear. That he’d ask you to stay, ask you to share his bed, ask you to please him…

He threw you a smile, so small it was barely there, but you knew him so well that you could easily spot the subtle change in expression.

“That will be all. You’re dismissed,” he told you.

With a shaky nod, you turned and left. The minute you were in the corridor, you pressed your back to his chamber door, tears in your eyes. The desire that coursed through you should have terrified you, but it only fueled the hope in your heart. You had to hope that he at least desired you half as much as you did him.

When you finally got your legs to move down the hall, you passed the king’s wing. A feminine giggle echoed down the hall, and you turned your head just in time to see his chamber doors slamming shut, the tail end of a flowy dress nearly getting caught.

You blinked, lips parting as your shoulders sagged.

Your fingers ghosted over the beauty products before you, brows furrowed in confusion. You knew that it was wrong of you to sneak into Ingrid’s room, but you were desperate. You only wanted to borrow a few things that she wouldn’t even notice were gone. She had so much.

You bit your lip, wondering if this was even the right thing to do. What if he laughed at you, thinking you silly for this? What if he didn’t take you seriously after this? What if he thought less of you? What if you were only making a fool of yourself? With a sigh, you dropped Ingrid’s rouge just as her door opened.

There was a frown on her striking features as soon as her eyes landed on you. It was late in the night, and her hair was perfectly mussed, cheeks flushed and lips swollen. You had suspicions that she was the one you saw going into the king’s chamber earlier.

“Never pegged you for a thief, Y/N,” she chuckled, closing her door.

“I wasn’t stealing…only borrowing,” you replied unconvincingly.

“Uh huh,” she brushed you off, nearing you to see what you had.

She took it and turned it over, a small smirk gracing her lips.

“…and…just who are you trying to get all prettied up for?”

Your mouth opened and closed, words failing you as you pondered over whether or not you should tell her the truth. Deep down, maybe a part of you wanted to get caught. Maybe you wanted to ask for her help? You doubted that she’d help you without the truth though.

“Don’t tell me… You’re trying to gain the king’s favor…?”

Her voice was colder, eyes hardening as yours widened.

“The-the king?” you exclaimed, eyebrows rising.

She scoffed, running her eyes over you.

“I already have to fight for his attention with just about every other woman in this kingdom. I’d hate to have to put you in your place because you got way in over your head-.”

“No, no, heavens no,” you said, frowning in disgust. “I am not trying to seduce the king.”

The thought made your stomach turn. She crossed her arms over her chest, eyes on you as you slowly rose to your feet.

“Well, then who? Because a girl like you doesn’t go rifling through other people’s things just to seduce no one,” she argued.

“Well, trust me, it is not king Thor. He’s all yours. He’s not exactly my taste…”

Her frown deepened.

“Who is?”

A soft sigh escaped you, and again, you wondered if you should be truthful or not. Ingrid would probably press you for details, and you weren’t ready to embarrass yourself further by admitting you were hopelessly in love with prince Loki. Your eyes reluctantly met hers again, and her face evened out as her eyes lit up.

“The prince,” she whispered, a genuine smile on her face, a light scoff escaping her. “I shouldn’t be surprised, and yet… I am. You were right. The king isn’t your taste.”

You swallowed.

“Can you…help me?”

“You sweet summer child,” she tsk’d. “You do understand that while the prince is definitely no Thor, he is still a man. There’s a very high chance that he’ll only want one thing from you.”

You rubbed your arm, gently shaking your head.

“I don’t care,” you whispered. “I just…want him.”

She let out a long exhale, eyes softening as she eyed you.

“I see. How…cute, but I’ll help you.”

She grabbed your arm, pulling you along.

“You wait on him hand and foot. I always thought you were just being a dutiful servant, maybe even a bit of a pushover, but now it all makes sense.”

“You don’t have to tell me how silly I am,” you mumbled.

“I’m not,” she chuckled, placing a finger under your chin, lifting your head. “I’m commending you.”

You were sure the confusion was clear on your face.

“The prince has seen how wonderful a servant you are. I’m willing to bet that he has never had one complaint about you. He thinks you’re perfect, and now you will show him that you have even more to offer.”

Her smile grew, and so did your nerves.

The night was spent with Ingrid teaching you everything she knew. How to walk, how to smile, how to speak. You hadn’t realized that seducing required so much work, and you suddenly realized that it was going to take more than you thought to get what you wanted.

When morning came, she helped you dress, whispering words of encouragement to you. She assured you that you could do this, could have him right where you had wanted him for years, and with her guidance, you left to go down to the kitchens to gather his breakfast.

You breezed into the prince’s chambers like you did every morning. You walked through his receiving room and laid out his breakfast before making your way to the large windows on the far-left side of his room. You pulled the drapes aside, letting the sunlight in just as a groan sounded from behind you.

“Is it morning already?”

His voice was always husky in the morning, deep and groggy from sleep.

“Yes, my prince. Do not forget that the king requested you join him this morning for a meeting regarding the-.”

“Yes, yes, I know,” he sighed. “Heaven forbid Thor tend to his duties as a king should without me by his side to guide him.”

When finished, you turned to help him out of bed. All of his movements halted as you neared, and you avoided his eye as you went to turn the cover back. You could feel his eyes on you, and your body grew warm under his scrutiny.

Ingrid had lent you one of her dresses. It was the typical cream garment that all of the servants donned, but the neckline sat lower, showing off a tasteful eyeful of cleavage. Where your regular dress had loosely flowed around you like water, this one hugged you, accentuating your curves.

You were startled when Loki’s hand found your wrist, stopping you. You finally looked at him, brows furrowed ever so slightly as he stared at you, a small frown on his own face. Your arm trembled at the feel of his hand on you, and he noticed, quickly letting you go. Much to your disappointment…

“Thank you, Y/N, but I can take it from here,” he quietly told you.

You nodded, backing away.

“Is there anything else I can do for you?”

For the first time, his reply did not come quickly. There was a brief pause, hesitation that had never been there before, and butterflies fluttered in your stomach. He cleared his throat, shaking his head.

“…no.”

Your heart sank, and you nodded, turning away.

As usual, the king was the last to arrive, everyone else having long taken their seats. Loki had been one of the first to arrive, and you had happily served him water while he waited. Thor strolled into the hall like there wasn’t a care in the world, taking his time in sliding into his seat before beckoning one of the servants over.

Your eyes did what they do best and fell on the prince. Other than his perusal this morning, nothing had changed. For a moment there, you had thought that he finally saw you as you saw him, but whatever you thought you saw was gone just as quick as it had come.

Did he hate the look of the dress? Your face? You had applied rouge to your cheeks and lips, keeping your hair simple. Ingrid had assured you that you looked ‘good enough to eat’, and yet… Your shoulders sagged as a stifling sadness fell over you.

What if it wasn’t a matter of getting him to notice you? What if he already did and simply…did not feel the same way? The thought of Loki never returning your affections because you did not appeal to him made your heart hurt, and you blinked back tears just as the prince beckoned you over for more water.

As you refilled his glass, you felt the odd sensation of being watched. Against your better judgement, you glanced over only for your gaze to connect with that of the king’s. You quickly looked away, topping off Loki’s drink just as the blond spoke.

“Brother, you do not think to introduce your servant to her king?”

You frowned in confusion, and so did the prince as you both looked to Thor. His blue eyes were on you still as a secretive smile graced his lips. You tilted your head at him.

“As many years as Y/N has served me now, you’ve never thought to formally introduce yourself,” Loki told him, frown deepening.

A spark of recognition flitted through the king’s eyes as he gazed at you, and a chuckle left him.

“That would explain why she’s looking as if I’d asked her why the sky is green,” he jested.

As he pointed that out, you worked to even out your face. You nodded at him before dismissively turning to Loki.

“Will that be all?”

“Yes. Stay close though. I have a feeling Thor will drag this meeting far beyond what’s necessary,” he complained.

You nodded at him, eyes lingering as you hovered for a moment before your feet reluctantly moved you back to the wall. Loki offered his input throughout the meeting, but it seemed that the king never liked whatever the prince had to say. You could see him growing more taut by the minute, and you longed to place your hands on his shoulders, easing his tension.

You wondered if this was all you’d ever be to him. A servant. The possibility of that seemed to be growing by the minute, and you started to feel so silly for thinking you could ever be anything more. You considered being bolder, possibly even just confessing to him, but you didn’t want to think about the humiliation if he rejected you.

Or worse.

What if he was so affronted that he dismissed you for good? You couldn’t truly imagine such a thing happening, but your mind was running wild with the possibilities. When you came back to the scene before you, Loki was rising, voice clipped.

He was angry, you realized, and you frowned. You took a small step forward as you eyed him, hating the way his face was twisted. He seemed to be scolding his brother, and when you looked to the king, you found his blue gaze already on you. Your frown deepened, and you hurriedly looked away just as Loki pulled away from the table, waving you along.

Without a second glance to the king, you hurried to follow him. He was grumbling to himself when you caught up to him, running a hand through his hair.

“What is my purpose of being there if he isn’t going to listen to a word I say?” he wondered.

“My prince, you know that your brother has always done what he wants to do,” you softly told him.

He slowed to a stop, shoulders heaving as he sighed. You reached for him before thinking better of it, pulling your hand back.

“You are right, but it does not mean I have to like it.”

You hated to see him so bothered, and you stepped closer.

“Would you like something to eat from the…?”

You swallowed the rest of your words as heavy footsteps approached, and you both turned to watch as the king neared. You took a few steps back to stand behind the prince, quietly acknowledging Thor. Your eyes landed on Loki again as his frown deepened at the sight of his brother.

“Loki, the meeting was far from over, and there is still much for us to discuss,” Thor boomed, a frown of his own covering his features.

The dark-haired man heaved a sigh.

“I’d hardly call it a discussion, brother if you aren’t actually listening to a word I say,” he complained.

Thor opened his mouth to say something when his eyes caught yours. He appeared to think better of it, blue eyes quickly running over you just as Loki turned to look at you as well. You frowned at the king’s perusal.

“Fetch something from the kitchens for us, and then bring it to my chambers,” he softly ordered, rolling his eyes.

You bit back a smile at his evident irritation with the king before nodding.

“Right away, my prince.”

As you walked past the king, you felt something catch along the fabric of your dress. You turned with a slight frown, but both the king and the prince were already walking away. You blinked, writing it off as you made your way to the kitchens.

It took you no time to put a platter together, grabbing some ale. When you returned to the prince’s chambers, he and Thor appeared to be locked in a stalemate. You set the tray down between them, filling their goblets as they glared at each other. You felt a bit awkward, so you touched Loki’s shoulder.

“My prince…”

He blinked, finally looking away from Thor before reaching for the platter with an angry huff.

“Thank you, Lady Y/N,” Thor said.

You sent him a quick smile in return, barely sparing him a glance before turning your attention back to Loki. His green eyes found yours, and they softened.

“Thank you, Y/N. You’re dismissed for the rest of the day. Thor and I have much to discuss indeed it seems,” he murmured.

You bit your lip, and you could feel the king’s gaze searing into the side of your face.

“If you’re sure. Is there anything else I can do for you before I go?”

He shook his head, and reluctantly, you stepped away. With a quiet sigh, you left his chambers without a farewell to the king.

The days that followed were…odd, to say the least. The king seemed to be around Loki a lot more, and by default, that meant he was around you more as well. You didn’t know how to feel about it, but you didn’t think you liked it. Not only was his presence upsetting the prince more than usual, and therefore upsetting you, but the king tended to stare a lot.

Having always been strictly a servant for the prince, you hardly interacted with Thor, but the few times that you did, you didn’t remember this being a part of his behavior. His ever-watchful eye unnerved you, and you soon started to wonder if he knew how you felt about the prince. You prayed not, because he didn’t strike you as the type to keep it to himself.

Unable to hold your tongue regarding his hard to ignore presence, you brought it up to the prince one night.

“It’s all rather tedious,” he sighed. “It’s nothing that I believe truly requires my input. That’s excluding his grand idea of me finding a wife.”

Your chin had been resting on the tub, fingers running along the smooth surface, when he spoke. You froze, feeling as if someone had taken a knife to you as you slowly lifted your gaze, eyes landing on him. He was leaning back with his eyes closed, the perfect picture of relaxation, a contrast to you at the moment.

“…what?”

Your voice was small, but the worry must have been evident, nonetheless. Loki chuckled.

“Do not fret,” he told you, finally opening his eyes. “No strange woman will be coming here to demand things of you anytime soon. I’m merely humoring him. Although, I will admit that he does seem to be rather persistent upon the idea.”

He moved to rise, and you looked away.

“It’s preposterous if you ask me. He suggests I began looking for a wife when he has yet to find a queen?”

You didn’t laugh along with him, knowing that the king had a rather annoying habit of getting whatever he wanted. The rest of the night was spent in silence as you helped Loki prepare for bed. If he noticed your strange behavior, then he did not comment on it, and for that you were grateful.

After quickly leaving his chambers, you found yourself amongst the rose bushes in the garden. Your shoulders shook as tears kissed your eyes, chest clenching at the thought of the prince binding himself to someone else forever.

A part of you had always known that this day would come, but you had never wanted to acknowledge it. You had hoped that something would happen before then. Of course, how could you expect that to come true when all you did was stare after him like some lovesick fool? A tear skipped down your cheek, and you hurriedly wiped it away just as you heard footsteps.

You thought nothing of it, knowing that many people ventured into the gardens throughout all hours of the day. However, when the footsteps stopped behind you, you had no choice but to turn. Surprise and confusion filled you as your eyes landed on none other than the king. Unlike before, you couldn’t get away with ignoring his presence.

“My king,” you greeted, standing.

You worked to school your features as he looked over you, a crooked smile on his lips.

“It is rather late for you to be frolicking about all by your lonesome, is it not?”

You frowned at his tone but brushed it off.

“I just wanted some solace and fresh air to think,” you told him.

He hummed, and you moved to leave.

“Goodnight, my king.”

He stopped you, and you looked to him with a small frown.

“It is late and dark. Allow me to walk you back to your chambers,” he offered.

You shook your head.

“I appreciate the offer, my king, but there’s no need. I’ve walked these dark halls alone many times before,” you replied.

You went to step around him, but again, he was there. You swallowed down your annoyance, biting your cheek.

“I’d feel much better if you allowed me to. I’d rest easy knowing you made it back safe.”

Resisting the urge to roll your eyes, you nodded, choosing to pick your battles with the almighty Thor. He rested his hand on your back as he walked you out of the garden, and you stepped out of his reach. The walk back to your room was filled with silence, but you were not bothered. Your mind was too crowded with thoughts of Loki.

He said that he was only entertaining Thor, having no intentions of taking a wife anytime soon, but that could easily change. The king had a way of getting what he wanted one way or another, and for some reason, he wished for his brother to be married. Your frown deepened.

“I’m sorry for my odd behavior at the meeting the other day. You did not look as I was used to seeing you,” the king said after a while with a small chuckle.

“It’s quite alright,” you sighed.

There was a brief silence before he spoke again.

“I do hope everything is alright. You appeared rather upset in the gardens…”

You shook your head, somewhat annoyed at his uncharacteristic behavior. You had never known Thor to be so observant of another unless it affected him. The only time you’d notice him pay so much attention to a woman was when…

Your lips parted, and you looked away as realization hit you. Your eyes slowly looked to him, and you found his attentive gaze already on you. You pursed your lips, annoyance filling you.

“If it appeared that way then I apologize. It wasn’t my intention. I merely have a lot on my mind,” you told him, voice clipped.

“Such as?”

“Nothing of importance.”

Your tone left no room for questioning, and you heard him huff. Relief filled you when your door came into view, and you bowed to him with a quiet ‘thank you’ before walking away. You felt him grab your arm, gently, but it still startled you, nonetheless.

You looked to him with wide eyes, brows furrowed. He stepped closer, and if it weren’t for his hold, you would have stepped back. His gaze was intense, sparkling with something you had seen all too often, and disgust filled you.

“If my brother is mistreating you in any way, you are always more than welcome to serve me instead,” he quietly said, voice thick.

Your frown deepened, and you pulled your arm away before stepping back, watching as his face fell.

“Why would the prince be mistreating me? He has never been anything but good to me.”

He cleared his throat.

“I just worry that your behavior might have something to do with him-.”

“As kind as that is, it is not necessary. As I said, I merely had a lot on my mind. The prince could never put me into a foul mood. Goodnight, my king.”

You swiftly entered your room before he could reply, and you placed your ear to the door. He seemed to stand there for a while before finally leaving with a huff. You only sighed in relief when he was gone, quickly ridding yourself of your dress.

You quickly slipped into one of the night shifts Ingrid had lent you, feeling naked in the flimsy fabric. You felt like you were crossing a line, but you couldn’t allow the king to get his way and have Loki married. The night air felt even cooler as you stepped out of your room.

You felt scandalous, but so many of the other women had done what you were currently doing a thousand times before. There was no need to feel ashamed or weird about it. Still, if anyone caught you, you’d have to come up with something.

The walk to the prince’s wing felt long. It wasn’t late enough for him to be asleep, that much you knew. He usually had his nose buried in a book at this time. You slowed when you got to his door, heart surprisingly steady in your chest. With a deep breath, you smoothed the fabric before knocking on his door. You could hear his footsteps approaching, but with a frown, you realized that his weren’t the only ones you heard.

You looked over your shoulder just in time to see the king approach, his wide eyes taking you in. Your own widened just as the door opened behind you, and you felt your body grow cold at the predicament you found yourself in.

“Y/N?”

You spun around, facing Loki as confusion filled his features. He ran his eyes over you, a myriad of emotions swirling in their depths just before he finally noticed his brother.

“Thor. What is the meaning of this?”

Your mind whirled, and you blinked.

“I…believe that I must have been sleepwalking, my prince. I’m so sorry-.”

“Nonsense. Here, the nights are colder these days,” he said, taking off the robe he was wearing before covering your shoulders with it. “What are you doing here, Thor?”

You too wanted to know the answer to that, and it was hard to keep the irritated frown from your face as you looked to him. His own eyes were on you, and you knew then that he saw through your lie. He cleared his throat.

“I came to discuss something with you, brother,” he said.

Loki let out an exasperated sigh.

“Well, surely it can wait until the morning. I must walk Y/N back to her chambers to ensure she makes it to bed safely,” he told him.

You smiled at him at him as he pushed you along.

“Thank you,” you told him.

You caught the frown on the king’s face, but you ignored it as Loki rested his hand on your arm.

“You’ve never been known to sleepwalk before,” the prince murmured.

“I know. Well, at least not that I know of. I’m not sure what happened,” you lied.

“Anything could have happened. You could have fallen down the stairs, or one of the unscrupulous characters who roam these halls could have happened upon you.”

You sent him an appreciative smile. His hand was warm on your arm, and you inhaled, breathing in the comforting scent of him. You basked in his presence, but all too soon, you reached your door. You took off his robe, handing it back to him, but when he grabbed it, you didn’t let go.

A frown was on his face as you tugged on the fabric, pulling him closer. You blinked at him, smile widening as hope filled your eyes, unable to miss the way he ran his eyes over you.

“Stay,” you finally whispered.

His eyes widened, face falling as you made your intentions clear. Realization bled into his gaze.

“You were not sleepwalking…were you?”

Reluctantly, you shook your head. He heaved a sigh, and your face fell.

“Y/N…you are my servant. A good one. I cannot use my authority to-.”

“Why not? The king does it all the time-.”

“I am not Thor! I refuse to be,” he said, and your lips trembled. “I will not take advantage of you.”

You grabbed his shirt, pushing yourself against him. You watched his throat bob, a look in his eyes that you had always prayed to see.

“I want you to,” you quietly said, hurrying to continue when you noticed that he was about to protest. “My prince, I would do anything for you. I would give you anything you asked of me.”

He exhaled, and it was shaky, and you smiled. He hesitantly leaned in, and your nose brushed against his. He whispered your name so softly, the sound going straight to your heart…and stomach.

He kissed you, and you moaned against his lips. Your fingers tightened around the fabric of his shirt, pulling him closer, and one of his hands pressed into the wall, the other going to your waist. Your heart soared, and you felt like you were floating as he moved his mouth against yours.

“Take me,” you breathed into his mouth.

He froze, and you could have cried. Your heart sank as he pulled away, his chest heaving, and lips swollen and red. He smoothed down the fabric of your night dress.

“I…am giving you the day off tomorrow,” he murmured, and you frowned.

“What?”

Panic filled you, but he hurried to ease it.

“Do not fret. I merely have much to think about and…I cannot do so properly when you tempt me so.”

Embarrassment filled you, and you looked away as a deep chuckle escaped him.

“Things are starting to make sense, and I’m realizing that you have been tempting me for days,” he whispered.

“I would do it again,” you said, kissing him.

He hummed into the kiss before pulling away and opening your door. He gently pushed you inside, green eyes sparkling in a way you’d never seen before.

“Sleep well for I shall not abandon you.”

You smiled at him, biting your lip as he turned to leave.

“Loki…”

He paused at the use of his name, looking over his shoulder. You sighed, lashes fluttering.

“I love you.”

He blinked at your confession, lips parting. He took a step towards you and kissed you one last time. You watched him walk away, and when you closed your door, you slid down to the floor, the happiest you’d ever been.

Your happiness only increased the next morning when you noticed a folded slip of parchment that had been slid underneath your door. When you opened it, Loki’s handwriting greeted you, and your eyes widened as they skimmed over each line.

He wanted to meet you tonight in the master chamber of the abandoned wing. You briefly wondered why there, but his next few words informed you that Thor’s presence had been rather persistent lately, something you too had noticed, and he did not wish to be interrupted.

You spent your entire day off in a daze, wondering what tonight would entail. You remembered everything that Ingrid had told you, even some of the things that had made you squirm, and there was a very high chance that you would be doing those things tonight.

When the night finally came, you felt your nerves increase like no other. It was late, and the corridors were empty, bare feet walking on the cool floor. You wore nothing underneath the robe, body bare and clean from your bath earlier. You weren’t afraid. You trusted the prince more than you trusted anyone else in the world.

The room was empty when you entered it, but light was cast onto your features from the candles placed around the room. The bed was made, but you wasted no time in turning it back, robe slipping from you, a whisper of fabric in the quiet room. It fell to your feet, and you slid into the bed, pulling the sheet to your chest as you waited for Loki.

You didn’t wait long, and you sat up when you heard footsteps approaching. A soft smile danced along your lips, excitement filling you as Loki approached. You watched as the handle turned, but when the door creaked open, it was not his form that filled the entryway.

Your heart dropped to your stomach, a frown taking over as confusion and fear and anger filled you. Thor’s eyes met yours, and you felt your breath pick up, chest heaving as he shut the door behind him. Your lips were parted, at a loss for words as you fought to voice your thoughts.

“Well…this is a first,” his deep voice hummed. “A woman has never been disappointed to see me before.”

“…wh-what? What is the meaning of this? Where is Loki?”

He did not answer you right away, and your frozen frame finally moved as he took a step forward. You hurried off of the bed, clutching the sheet to you as you reached for your robe.

“I see the way you watch him. Such devotion in your eyes,” he murmured, almost in awe. “What man would not envy such loyalty from a woman such as yourself?”

You froze again, jaw clenching and fingers tightening as the truth hit you.

“You tricked me,” you quietly spat, glaring at him.

You didn’t bother to school your tone, king or no king. You were disgusted with him. There wasn’t an ounce of remorse in his features, and your anger grew.

“How else was I to get you alone? Your eyes only ever see my brother,” he said.

“So you take it upon yourself to use deception to get me alone with you? Because that’s the only way I’d ever do so.”

His own jaw ticked, and he narrowed his eyes.

“You practically fall on your face to get away from me, but him you throw yourself at like a common whore,” he sneered, finally exposing himself.

You surmised that he saw you and the prince last night, and your stomach turned. You took no offense to his statement for it was true. You’d do anything for Loki.

“It’s okay for women to act that way as long as its for you,” you said. “I would do anything for the prince…and you can’t stand it.”

You shook your head at him, watching his face twist into anger.

“You’re like a child,” you said in disbelief. “You get anything and anyone you want, and still, you know no satisfaction.”

“You will watch how you speak to me,” he ordered, taking another step forward.

“You have tricked me! And for what? Because I want your brother and not you? You’re despicable,” you threw at him.

“One more word of disrespect, and I shall have your tongue,” he threatened.

“The prince would never allow such a thing to happen,” you smugly replied.

He straightened, and he knew it was true. You threw the robe around you, only allowing the sheet to fall once it was secured.

“You do not spare me a glance,” he finally said. “It is as if I am not there.”

You snorted.

“What does it matter? I have always shown you the proper respect, my king, but you are angered because I’d rather fall at the prince’s feet than yours? There are lines of women in this kingdom ready to do your bidding. Leave Loki and I be,” you snapped, flurrying past him.

He stopped you, and you sharply inhaled.

“Surely you could be just as happy giving me what you so desire to give him.”

You frowned, offended. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think that Thor was hurt by your rejection. You shook your head at him, disbelief coloring your tone.

“You do not understand. I love the prince.”

You watched his fall, lips pressing together as he registered your confession.

“My loyalty and devotion to him is because of my love for him. I am in love with Loki. Do you get it now?”

He took a step back, letting go of you as he blinked, realizing that this was no matter of fleeting lust.

“That look that you envy so much is love, not desire. It angers you so because you have never known it,” you told him.

He glared at you, and you returned the look. You watched as he picked at a piece of lint on your robe, lip curling over his teeth.

“Then I will simply have to make you love me as well.”

He yanked you towards him, and you yelped, kicking at him. He pressed his mouth to yours, forcing a kiss on your lips, and you pushed your hands against his chest. He tore at the robe that covered you, and fear gripped you, a scream bubbling in your throat, but he swallowed it down.

You had always thought that Thor was too much, a list of things falling under the vague statement, and too strong was quickly added to it. He had you naked before him in no time, and you bounced against the bed as he threw you onto it. He fell over you, hands pinning your wrists down as he took his fill of you, eyes tracing every curve of your body.

“There is a part of me that regrets taking you away from my brother, especially like this, but the part of me that wants you all for myself already won.”

He kissed you again, and you only started to cry when you felt him moving to release himself. You had been prepared to ruin your reputation for the prince, risking the fate of marrying a second son or marrying no one at all. You loved him, but you would never risk such a thing for the king. Yet here he was, taking that choice away from you.

You screamed for Loki, desperate and afraid, but Thor’s lips covered yours once more, swallowing your cries. His beard tickled your skin, and his blond locks brushed over your face. You could feel the tip of him brush against you, and you trembled beneath him. He ignored your cries and your please, pushing into you so swiftly that the pain didn’t even register until moments later.

You yelped into his mouth, and he moaned into yours, trembling at the feel of you wrapped around him. Tears spilled from your eyes, anger and sadness paralyzing you. The king was in heaven…while you were in hell.

“Loki,” you sadly murmured, chest hurting at the thought of never being with him.

This angered Thor, and he snarled just before pulling his hips back and snapping them against you. You gasped in pain, nails digging into his arms as more tears ran down your face. His lips kissed at your cheek and neck as he thrust into you, low moans leaving him.

You turned your head away, anger increasing at the extent of Thor’s selfish nature. You hit at him, slapping his shoulders and face, curses flying from your lips. He quickly grew tired of your antics and grabbed your wrists, slamming them down beside your head. You sobbed in frustration.

His heavy breathing filled your ears as he slammed into you, every thrust making your heart clench in pain. You struggled to get your arms out of his harsh hold, but he only tightened them. You knew they would be sore in the morning.

Against your will, your core grew slick under his ministrations, the sound of his assault reaching your ears, making you cringe. He tried to kiss you, but you kept moving your head, refusing to give him what he wanted.

“You shall grow to love me as well,” he murmured.

You shook your head, and he pressed his lips to your jaw, groaning against your skin.

“I wish for you to show me the same devotion that you give to my brother.”

His thrusts grew slow, gradually pushing into your slick walls until you were forced to feel every vein and ridge of him. He moaned, a low sound from deep within his throat. You felt him shudder, and you did as well as warmth filled you, his cum slowly leaking out around his cock. He softened, but barely so, and fresh tears spilled.

He forced another kiss on you, grinding his hips into yours as he fucked his cum into you, the wet sound reaching your ears.

“I can give you the world too,” he groaned into your mouth. “I shall not rest until you look at me like you look at him.”

tags: @mcudarklibrary @darkficreposter @xoxabs88xox @harryspet @readermia @opheliadawnwalker3 @nickyl316h @captainchrisstan @sebabestianstan101 @villanellevi @lokislastlove @notyourtypicalrose @coconutqueen21 @hurricanerin

#dark thor #dark thor x reader #dark fic #dark!thor x reader #dark!thor #thor odinson #thor x reader #marvel fanfiction

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deltas-writing-corner · 3 years ago

Text

Courtship (4): The Gargoyle Graveyard

Fandom: Twisted Wonderland (Malleus x GN!reader)

Author note: Again, thank you all for being patient with me and I apologize for having a very inconsistent writing schedule. I'm going to make it my goal to update on a bi weekly basis instead of leaving you all in silent limbo. Also a reminder I suck at figuring out which warnings to put so if there's something that needs to be forewarned that I failed to disclose please lmk!

Warnings: Mentions of heavy bodily injuries | childhood trauma/neglect | discussions/mentions of discrimination | mentions of virginity/sexual history

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AO3 version

Clay. Stone. Porcelain. Plaster. Metal. There are even gargoyles carved entirely of wood! Some statues are stand-alone works of art while others are part of a clear collection or series of similar inspiration. They even come in all sorts of shapes and sizes; as small as an apple or a towering height to rival Malleus himself. No matter what, each grotesque has been crafted with the utmost consideration, by well seasoned and knowing hands. Even the ones that have clear defects and cannot serve their intended purpose are free of overabundant ivy, weeds, or dust. There’s a clear degree of love and care the family who makes these statues has for their craft that makes him feel less alone in his interest in an uncherished form of art.

“It should be around here somewhere,” you muse aloud. Ever since he expressed interest in seeing more sculptures made with non-traditional materials, you’ve been keeping your eye out for a particular one that would fulfill his yearning. You eventually find it and eagerly point to it. “There it is!”

Malleus watches as you approach a massive-sized statue covered with a thick and half-wet tarp. He helps you remove the cover, revealing a winged and slightly humanoid canine. There are many more grotesques with a similar design, but what makes this one stand out the most is the material it’s made out of.

“Amazing!” Malleus awes. “I’ve never seen a grotesque of this size made entirely of glass! They’ve even managed to maintain their attention to detail despite such an abnormal material choice.”

“You can even see the inner channel where the water would flow in and redirect out of its mouth,” you notice.

“They even went out of their way to make it functional despite it being unfit for actual installation?” Malleus inquires with disbelief. “Such a shame.”

“If you’re looking to buy anything here, I’m afraid it's a lost cause. One of the first warnings the grandfather gave me is that none of these are for sale.”

“What was his second warning?”

“If we damage anything, even as small as a scratch, he’ll kill us.”

“How charming,” he chuckles. “I cannot blame him. These statues must take weeks to complete. Time is a human’s greatest enemy.”

“For some, sure. But when I went to visit the family and talked to the old man, he was lunging around all this heavy equipment like he was still in his prime,” you recall. “He lives for his craft. If there’s anything humans are at risk of their entire lives, it’s a lack of motivation and reason to live.”

“I suppose that’s true, but the lifespan of humans and the inevitable effects of aging is difficult to live with, especially once it begins to hinder one’s ability to do what one could previously do without issue. ”

“You’re not wrong,” you acknowledge. “But I think I’d rather live a short life with fulfillment than a dull, long-as-shit life.”

To show that he’s entirely on your side, Gunter lets out a guttural bark while his tail rapidly wags and thumps the damp ground, coating the ends of his bushy tail in specs of dirt and dirtied, remnant snow of the north that has managed to stay frozen on the isles warmer south end.

“You’re only agreeing with them because you’ve been promised food,” Malleus chastises. “Don’t think I didn’t pick up on your grumbling stomach.”

“And don't think I didn't pick up on your stomach rumbling either your highness," you quip back at him. "The family has a small cottage nearby we can use. We'll settle down for a bit and eat before sightseeing some more."

Before you turn and walk in the direction towards the aforementioned lodgings, you reach your hand out for Malleus to take and he latches onto you with restrained enthusiasm. He's taller than you, but he takes care not to take his normal strides as to not leave you struggling to keep up with him. Gunter doesn't know the way, so he trots beside you every step of the way up until the destination is in plain view. The cottage is small but well-attended. There’s a rustic flair to its construction that makes it feel familiar and safe despite never stepping foot in it before.

"Those gargoyles were something, huh?" you remark to him while you tap and shake off the gunk wedged into the soles of your heavy boots against the frame of the door.

"Indeed," he nods, taking your cloak off for you and hanging it on the wooden rack nearby. "I don't think I've ever seen that many gargoyles in one day. Just when my eyes land upon an intriguing one, there's several more that catch my attention."

The way he gets all wide-eyed is outright adorable. It makes you grin just as enthusiastically too. "I bet your club is going to have a field day once you tell them about this!"

His child-like smile turns into one of disappointment. "I'm certain they would, if I wasn't the sole member that is."

Your hands halt from pulling out and setting down all the premade food out of your pack. "Seriously? You're the only one?"

When he nods his head, you feel a twinge of hurt in your heart. Poor guy. You can only imagine how disappointing it must be to go through all those lengths to start a club (you would know since you're technically a staff member of the school and have been given a rundown on some of the school's functions and regulations) only for no one to show interest. Of course, you completely understand that gargoyles aren't exactly all the rage within the minds of teenage boys. Still! He goes through so much effort to build relationships with his peers but they always cower away, either due to his status or even because of the way he looks. You won’t deny that he does come off as rather intimidating at first glance, but he's a sweet guy once you give him the chance to speak.

But to expect teenagers going through social pressures and demanding academics to be as understanding and willing to understand someone like Malleus is an impossible demand. Given that everyone in the school can be a bunch of self-centered and easily agitated bunch of pricks, it's understandable that most of the student body isn't keen on trying to take into consideration the proper etiquette one needs to consider in the presence of a young and noble fae. Deuce has met and talked briefly with Malleus on one occasion, but even he visibly shakes whenever his name is mentioned, even in casual passing.

Wait until they found out who you've gone and gotten buddy-buddy with behind their back. They probably think they're slick or that their intentions are well swept under the rug, but it's clear they feel some semblance of responsibility for your well-being, as both a magicless individual as well as a close, albeit older, friend. You dread the day people begin to make the connections between Malleus and you, but you still can’t help but wonder what their reactions might be. You also dread the high probability those two idiots are going to find out and embarrass the living hell out of you, which you know you do not have the patience or tolerance for.

Gunter jumps up and sits himself down in one of the wooden dining chairs, pushing the small ceramic plate towards you with his nose, as if telling you "Alright, I’ve done what I said I'd do, now feed me what I'm owed." You tell him that you'll give him what he's well earned after you get a small fire started in the brick fireplace. Just because it's warmer near the southern half of the island and not as heavily blanketed with snow, doesn't mean the cold has completely vanished, Winter is still winter after all.

"Where did these scars come from?"

Malleus' unexpected question and closeness nearly make you drop the iron rod you've been using to stoke the growing fire. You've since taken off your boots and rolled up the bottoms of your pants just above your knee as the room starts to warm up enough for a thin layer of perspiration to accumulate and roll down your skin. The scars he's referring to are the ones on your right leg, both side by side at an awkward angle and discolored. You have a lot more scars than these, some much more gruesome in appearance than these two. Malleus has never asked about your scars, but sometimes you catch him looking in the general area of some that peak through your clothes. He likely keeps quiet about their existence out of courtesy.

Yet out of all the markings on your body, why did these two stand out enough that he'd finally ask about them?

"It's a long story," you say in an effort to stall the topic. "Sit. I'll feed you two once the fire is stable."

He doesn’t push you for an answer, instead simply doing as you say and lets you poke at the burning logs until they're properly aflame on their own. You made mostly some of your morning favorites; Creamy and thick potato stew with diced carrots and peas and some eggs, ham, and crispy hash browns sandwich between homemade halved croissants. You teased him about having picky taste buds earlier, but Malleus is content to eat anything you serve him so long as it is not comparable to the likes of Lilia's atrocious cooking.

(Seriously, how does a man as old as Lilia not know the basic fundamentals of cooking? And why does everything he makes end up burnt and tasting like something rotten? You will never understand.)

"Don't eat too quickly," you warn Gunter as you pour a bit of light-colored soup onto his designated plate. Your words are ignored, as the equally marred wolf sloppily slurps and munches on the few bits of potatoes and vegetables you generously scraped out of the thermos. His food is gone as quickly as it’s put in front of him and he looks at you expecting more.

"No. The rest is mine," you scold. "And don't beg Malleus for some either! I know you do it behind my back, you little shit!"

He turns to look at Malleus with an accusatory glare, thinking that he ratted him out to you. Malleus’s response towards the silent imputation is to turn and look out the window as if something caught his interest all of a sudden, cup raised to his lips as he politely sips away at his meal without an air of calmness. You have to slap a hand over your mouth to hide the amusement that overtakes your senses.

"Malleus, stop that!"

"Stop what?" he innocently asks.

"Stop making me want to laugh!"

He sets his cup down onto its matching serving dish. "It's not my fault you have an easily satiable sense of humor."

"Wow!" you say incredulously and put your arms up in offense. "And here I was thinking we were friends!"

His distant demeanor breaks and you both devolve into a fit of laughter together. Gunter unfortunately takes advantage of your joint distraction and slips away with a warm sandwich between his jaw, your sandwich in particular.

"That damn wolf!" you curse. "I knew I should have trusted my gut and pack extras.”

Malleus pities your distress before moving over to sit closer. "Worry not. I'll split mine in half with you,” he reassures.

"No, it's fine," you immediately dismiss his offer. "Have it for yourself."

"I'm not taking no for an answer," he firmly states. “Don’t be stubborn. It’s far too early for that.”

"I thought you liked it when I was stubborn?” you pout.

He shakes his head with a smile. “I would be lying if I said I didn’t”

"At least someone likes my attitude,” you say after chewing and swallowing a mouthful of soup. “Sebek certainly doesn’t."

"The boy is stubborn as well. When two equally stubborn individuals cross paths, you will witness nothing but discord between the two."

"Add the fact I'm human into the mix, and we'll be exchanging fists instead of words sooner or later," you scoff. "I get that some faes don't like humans, but what's his deal with acting like he’s got a vendetta against me?"

"Sebek doesn't hate humans for the reasons you might think," Malleus admits. "It’s more like he finds them difficult to think that highly of. Did you know that he is half-human?"

You nearly choke on your own breath over the sudden revelation. "Really?"

"Indeed," Malleus finds amusement at your disbelief. "Have you ever wondered why his ears aren't pointed like Silver, but his eyes are like mine and Lilia’s?"

"Damn,” you scratch the back of your head with embarrassment. “Now I feel stupid.”

"You aren't. Given the way he speaks, not many would assume he had human blood in his veins. His mother was highly regarded within her social circle, but her marriage to a human man tarnished her reputation a great deal. She's happy and does not seem to care what others think of her these days. However, when Sebek set out to be a knight, his mother's marriage and his lineage were often brought up as a way to scrutinize his character and capabilities rather than any of his actual shortcomings as an individual."

"Poor kid," you sigh. "Lilia told me those sorts of things still happen in The Valley, but it sounds so outlandish that I couldn’t take it that seriously."

"Many faes hold old traditions above all else, to a degree that the purity of one's blood stands above all other merits." His eyebrows pressed together in annoyance. "Even my grandmother thinks it's archaic, but as the reigning queen she has to embody a persona of neutrality between the social divide."

"It sounds like you have your work cut out for you in the future," you say, almost apologetically. "What do you plan to do about it once you're the king?"

There's a brief flash of surprise over your question, but Malleus easily answers it as usual. "I think my first course of action as king would be to properly knight Sebek and Silver."

"Bet my rifle that Sebek is going to cry the entire ceremony!" you remark with certainty. "That's all he ever goes on about, being a knight and all."

"He's devoted countless hours and efforts since he was a child. If there's anyone who deserves to join the knighthood, it's him."

"Definitely," you nod to further cement your agreement with him. "He could stand to lower his voice a bit. He'll give you tinnitus before long.”

"At least we won't have to worry about losing him in a crowd," Malleus jests.

"That's to say we'll lose sight of him to begin with," you remark. "He'll gladly lose me in a crowd. You? You'd be lucky to get out of arm's length."

"You underestimate me, dearest," Malleus smirks. "Ever since I've met you, I've perfected the art of avoiding Sebek's insistent searches."

"Have you now?" you razz back. "Don't let him catch onto the fact. He'll have my head."

He reaches over and tucks a strand of hair behind your ear. Each second his skin touches yours makes you tingle. Time slows down ever so briefly if only to savor the small instance of physical connection for as long as possible. "What of your aunts?" he inquires. "Are they as overprotective of you as Sebek is of myself?"

"They’re a trio of mama bears," you proudly admit. "I'm old enough to drink and well equipped to fend for myself, but in their minds, I'll always be the little tyke that couldn't even eat their meals without looking at them for approval. Especially my aunt Gia."

You have three aunts. There's your aunt Marisol, the mother of most of your cousins and the main caretaker of the household. Your second aunt Lucia was well into her studies at university when you came to live with them, but her stress and long hours of mulling over her course materials paid off in the long run. Your gardening skills wouldn't be what they are now without her expertise in agricultural botany.

Then there's your aunt Gia. Oldest of the three. An absolute tank of a woman. No spouse. No kids of her own. She lived off the land like an absolute titan. The woman raised you as if she was the one that carried you for nine months and not your actual birth mother.

How would you describe your parents? If your parents were told to list out their priorities in life, their careers would be at the top of the list and you would be put at the very bottom. Why they carried you to term is beyond your understanding. You later learned that Gia had even offered to take you under her care well before your birth, knowing that your parents might not be well-suited to take care of you in the way she thinks would be beneficial for you. It was a convenient offer that would have saved everyone the trouble years down the line when you had your accident. They worked in a cutthroat industry and were constantly moving up the executive echelons. They had no time for you, yet their pride as a pair of young, successful business magnates made them incapable of seeing past the reality of the situation. That left you mostly in the care of last-minute caretakers and your aunts, but only if they had time from their own busy and preoccupied lives to come out into the city and visit.

You were eight years old when things started to get better, but it was upstarted in the worst possible way. Your parents had to go away for the upcoming weekend for work and left you in the care of a babysitter as per the norm. The babysitter never showed up however and your parents apparently couldn’t be bothered to check up on you even once the entire trip. Their silence wasn’t surprising. You just went on about your business for the next three days on your own like nothing was wrong. Your aunt Gia had even called at one point to check up on you, but you didn’t bother to tell her that your parents had left you to fend for yourself. She would have exploded if you did, but not as much as she did when you woke up in the hospital after falling down the stairs and lying helplessly on the ground for several hours with a dislocated shoulder and a compound-fractured leg. You were lulling in and out of consciousness due to all the medication pumped into you, but what little you do remember seeing and hearing when you regained consciousness will forever stick with you for the rest of your life.

If people think your level of swearing is bad, they should have heard your aunt that day. She swore so viciously that it could set an innocent bystander's eardrums on fire. What will forever stand out the most to you was the fact that your parents didn’t even look the least bit apologetic or regretful. They didn’t even approach you once your aunt was done giving them a piece of her mind to check up on you. They simply talked with the awaiting social worker and doctors and then left. It was for the better, but the small part of you that continued to hold onto the desperate belief that your parents would come around one day sent you into a thrashing frenzy and you had to be sedated before you could hurt yourself anymore.

The next year was spent recovering from your injuries, meeting regularly with your caseworker, and going through therapists like a pack of cigarettes. By the time you were back on your feet and the legal proceedings of your custody case were concluded, all you wanted was to move on with it all. Nearly a decade of neglect left you this unattentive, uncertain husk of a person who couldn’t take a single step forward without looking for some sort of guidance or assurance. Your family was exhausted by the entire ordeal and over speaking with third parties. Your aunts took it upon themselves to help you regain your sense of self in the comfort of your new home, no matter how difficult or demanding it was going to be.

“It took some time, but eventually it clicked in my mind that I was in a better place and I started to get better. As for my parents, I have no clue what they’re up to these days.” You lean back into your chair and let out a shaking yawn. “I like to think they’re getting on well like I am.”

“I don’t understand.” Malleus looks at you with unbelievable confusion. “Your parents treated you poorly, yet you don’t sound the least bit resentful. Why is that?”

You shrug your shoulders. “What’s the point? I'm in a better place now, so I've let bygones be bygones. 'Doesn't mean I don't harbor any anger against them anymore. I do, but getting upset won't change what's happened to me."

Gunter, having sensed your discomfort over the matter, trots over and rests his head on your lap. You gratefully rub the top of his head, carding your hands through his thick, coarse hair. "I'm just glad they let me go without a fuss. Family court was hell for my family.” Your eyebrows knit together. “Expensive too.”

Crackling wood fills the momentary silence that befalls the small cottage. What you've recollected to Malleus is a lot to take in, and if you're being quite honest you'd prefer if he just dropped the subject and talked about literally anything else right now. You hope he doesn't say he's sorry or any other type of apologetic comment. That's all you were ever told that entire year it all happened, during court proceedings, your rehabilitation, by both strangers and distant family members alike.

"I'm so sorry. What happened to you was unfortunate. You didn't deserve it."

No shit you didn't deserve any of that. You were a kid. You don’t need one pity party after another to realize that what took place then had fucked you forever. But as you said earlier, you're in a better place now, with a loving and supportive family that's moved on alongside you. A family you need to get back to as soon as possible.

"I love you."

Well, if he was hoping to take your mind off the past. that certainly did it. How can it not? It came out of nowhere and as good as you are at holding your composure when need be, you're sure you look no less like a gaping fish when warm and plush softness presses right against the corner of your lips. A kiss. His kiss.

"What's wrong?" Your voice sounds shaky. You’re nervous.

"Nothing," he smiles reassuringly. "I simply said what I felt needed to be said."

"Fair enough" you concede easily. He was going to say it sooner or later. He already has actually, now that you think about it. Yet here you are trying to process his words like it’s rocket science.

"Am I going about this too fast perhaps?" he genuinely asks. His hands that have been busy massaging your calves that have settled across his lap somewhere during your long retelling gradually slow down, but his hands never go completely still. "This is my first time experiencing something like this."

"What?" You sit up a bit straighter. "A relationship?"

"Yes."

Your head tilts to the side. "Really?"

He nods hesitantly "Yes?"

For a moment, you go completely quiet. "I don't believe you,” you doubtfully say, head shaking to further showcase your refusal to believe him.

He must not have liked your remark, frowning with clear offense in his eyes. When he dislikes something, the vertical slits in his eyes contract into a thin line. "I cannot lie, yet you still doubt me?"

"I know you can't lie, but I find it hard to believe you haven't been with anyone else before," you explain. Before you can consider the appropriateness that was your newfound curiosity about Malleus's apparently non-existent love life, you blurt out, "Are you still a virgin?"

You slap your hand over your mouth the moment those words come out of it. He's equally caught off guard and nearly drops his warm cup of coffee. Even Gunter is surprised by your question, olive-colored eyes looking at you as if you've lost your mind. It's an invasive question, inappropriate even. You and Malleus have been dating for a little over two days. A question like that is way too early to bring up just yet.

"You don't have to answer that," you tell him behind your palm. "I shouldn't have even asked it. Forget I ever brought it up-”

"I'm not," he interrupts you, leaving you even more shocked than you already are. You’re practically gaping like a fish by now. "I'm not a virgin,” he further insinuates.

A deafening silence, but it’s eventually broken by yourself. “I still don’t believe you.”

Malleus gets further annoyed at your refusal to accept his truth. "I'm not lying!" he insists.

"Bullshit!"

"Do you want me to recount my history to you?" he asks, exasperated as you are at the shift the conversation is taking. "Will that satisfy your doubts?"

"You know what? It will!" you loudly declare. "Who'd you sleep with?"

"He was a young page at the time,” he reminisced. “It happened before I was a century old.”

Your eyebrows raise with intrigue. "Was he cute?"

"Yes," he hushedly agrees. The disconcerting admittance paints his face a pinkish-red glow. "But that's not why I bedded him."

"But surely his looks are what made you interested in the first place?” you make blatant regard of the fact.

“You’re not wrong,” he acknowledges, expertly avoiding agreeing with you outright. “But his looks aren't the sole reason I was drawn to him. He was bright-eyed and ambitious, to the point you’d think him insane given his position in the court. It was also the first time I ever truly met with a group of humans, and my young mind was eager to get a more accurate perspective of humans that wasn’t through the lens of my tutors.”

“An ‘accurate perspective’?” You make playful air quotes, eyebrows wiggling because you know the fact that he knows what you’re implying. The playful comment is met with a sharp pinch on your leg that makes you jump and shriek out in pain. Did he have to dig his nails into you? Apparently so, and now you have small crescent indents on your skin. “I bet Lilia had a good laugh when he found out.”

“He doesn’t know, actually,” he admits to you with what is obviously a proud smile.

“Now I know you’re lying to me,” you scoff. “Nothing escapes the old man’s radar.”

His hands begin to rub out the marks he’s left on you as a form of apology. “Lilia is sharp, but he had lost most of his vigor by the time I was born.”

You go wide-eyed again. “You mean his hearing and eyesight was better than it is now?”

He nods affirmatively. “From what I’ve been told, terrifyingly so.”

Lilia is already frightening as is. His short stature and boyish looks make him perfectly unassuming to those who don’t know any better. You once watched him beat up a couple of bulky, twice-his-height students from Savanaclaw without breaking a sweat, yet moments before he was jokingly scolding himself for dozing off so easily. You never once thought he was ever out of his elements. A cold chill runs down your spine thinking how much more perceptive the older fae may have been back during his prime years.

“Wonder what Lilia’s gonna think,” you ponder out loud in a quick effort to banish out the skin-prickling mental imagery your mind was invoking. “About us, I mean.”

Malleus seems surprised that you would change the topic to that of all things, but his initial shock goes away as quickly as it came. “As you may have guessed, he’s an open-minded individual, but he’s also very realistic and unafraid to say what’s on his mind.”

“So what does that mean for you and me?” you question with a bit of hesitation.

“Well,” he trails off and ponders for a moment. “He’ll surely like the scandal our relationship would invoke. However, as my caretaker and mentor, he won’t hesitate to put an end to it if he feels it necessary.”

Had it been anyone else sitting beside you, you’d have found that comment way too extreme and outright ridiculous. However, you are not speaking to anyone ordinary. You are not sitting before someone normal. It doesn't matter how well you get along with him. It sure as hell doesn't matter how deeply in love you are with him, and him of you. The moment you have been deemed a shortcoming, the outings, the closeness, it all stops. All of it will come crashing down and both you and him will be left wondering what could have been done differently.

Malleus is truly your best friend, because already he can tell that your mind is beginning to spiral even when you go quiet. He calls for your attention by gripping his hand around your bare ankle and carefully tugging the end of your limb. “Don’t fret over it too much,” he soothes, yet also sounding like he’s scolding you for letting your mind wander off so negatively. “Lilia is an exceptional judge of character. From what I’ve gathered, you’ve well exceeded all his marks. He trusts you, and to gain such a thing from someone as old and wise as him is an extraordinary feat.”

You brew over the attempted compliment he tried to pay to you. Unfortunately, it doesn’t snub out all these festering thoughts in your head. It doesn’t even give you temporary relief. Perhaps it would have brought you a sense of peace a few months ago, but with everything that has happened thus far, you doubt even Malleus can alleviate the storm that rattles inside you, even if what he speaks is without a doubt nothing but the truth.

Surely he can see that you are still having some hangups. When you lift his hand and plant a chaste kiss on the back of his hand, you hope he can decipher the gesture as a pitiful request for his forgiveness for dampening the once energetic mood. He is not at fault for your loss and inability to think optimistically at the moment and you need to make sure he knows it.

Today is about him, not you. Even if it’s just for today, you’ll put on a pleasant facade and worry about the rest at a later date. It’s just you and him, and for now, that’s enough.

You do a mental countdown starting from three, before finally giving him a late response to the three words he uttered in confidence to you earlier. “I love you too, by the way.”

You love him. You love him. You love him. That’s all his mind can think of for the rest of the day. He replays your reciprocation over and over like it’s sacred and all-powerful.

He had planned to return to his dorm before the sun began to set, but he found the mere idea of detaching from you deeply unwanted and made the last-minute decision to spend the evening at the Ramshackle dorm. He already has a few articles of clothing and personal essentials set up in one of the many empty rooms, so neither Lilia nor you had any objections at his sudden request.

“Don’t worry!” You shout across the room so that Lilia can hear you over his phone. “I’ll make sure he gets to bed on time!”

“You have my gratitude!” Lilia’s muffled voice responds gratefully. “Don’t cause too much trouble now, you two.”

“No promises~” you sing in jest before Malleus hangs up. Once the call ends Johnny, Benji, Franky, and you turn their attention back to their ongoing game of poker. Malleus watches and occasionally laughs to himself over the friendly banter shared between the quartet. At the end of every round, the winner is assaulted with colorful profanities whilst they take their newly won gambling chips with ebullience. Yet with each new dealing of cards, the animosity goes away and they’re all back to being friendly. He finds your interactions with your incorporeal roommates more entertaining than the book he’s been reading to pass the time.

“Hey, fairy boy,” Franky informally calls out toward him. “Don’t be a stranger now. Play a few rounds with us.”

“I’m afraid I’m not well versed in card games,” he admits, yet he still finds himself setting his literature aside and moving over to join them.

“Don’t worry,” you give him a reassuring smile. “They’ll go easy on you.”

“For how long?” he knowingly asks.

You give him an impressed smirk at his quick uptake. “I give it three rounds before they start to pull back their sleeves.”

Malleus is well-adjusted to the need to quickly learn a new topic and the expectation for him to fully comprehend it in full. None of them are harsh on him for his minor mistakes like some of the tutors he’s had in the past. Answers that he believes may be obvious or not as complicated as he thinks they are being answered with enthusiastic patience. The smallest achievements he makes are met with a proud response. When he makes a surprise turnabout and wins his first game, he’s rewarded with an encouraging round of applause by everyone.

“Not bad,” Benji praises as he shuffles the deck of cards. “You’re a fast learner.”

“So I’ve been told,” he humbly replies. “Is this the part where you all stop going easy on me now?”

“Don’t provoke them,” you half-heartedly warn. “Otherwise we’ll be up all night duking it out otherwise.”

Franky sets his glass of iced liquor down on the edge of the table. “Don’t you little lovebirds worry. We won’t take up too much of your well-needed time together.”

Annoyed at the clear jab at his relationship with you, you throw one of your chips towards his head. It passes through his body and clatters on the floor behind him. Your fawn Blossom jumps down from their spot on the couch and goes to sniff it, thinking it to be food, but walks away with a disappointed strut when he realizes it isn’t anything edible.

“I didn’t tell them a damn thing,” you defensively clarify. “It was so obvious what was going on between us that they figured it all out before we made it official.”

He lets out a deep breath he hadn’t realized he was holding. “That’s...I can’t say I’m too pleased to hear about that.”

“We won’t say anything,” Franky reassures. “Just make sure to put a sock on the door whenever you guys want some alone time.”

“Franky!” you hiss at him. “What the hell?!”

“What?” he looks at you, unbothered by your clear embarrassment. “Do you honestly expect us to think you guys went out just to look at a bunch of statues?”

“Oh, I’m sure they were looking at something,” Johnny smirks. “It wasn’t made of stone though.”

“I hate you guys,” you growl out, arms crossing and leaning back into your seat with an angry huff. You don’t mean it. He can see the tremble of your lips as you try to contain the urge to grin. “Even if we did end up rolling around in the sheets, I wouldn’t be yapping about it for all to hear, much less you guys!”

“What happens in the gargoyle graveyard stays in the gargoyle graveyard, eh?” Franky winks at both Malleus and you, nudging you with his elbow.

“Exactly!” you affirm, batting the large ghost away from you for some much-needed distance. “Now stop being so damn nosy.”

They cackle one last time and everyone seamlessly goes back to their ongoing game. Conversations like the one that just concluded are commonplace in your dormitory. Even if he contributed next to nothing to the discussion, he enjoys watching them interact. You come from a world where ghosts are hardly as overt as the ones in this world. Ghosts are said to entertain themselves by picking on the living, to the point that it can be fatal. Your ability to come up with witticisms at a moment's notice is something he enjoys seeing in action. He feels great satisfaction not only knowing that he has secured your love but to also see you in a state of tranquility and within your elements.

As Benji and you have a hushed conversation on the sidelines, he reaches over and places his hand on your knee beneath the table. You quietly reach over and put your hand over his, stroking the back of his hand with your thumb like it’s instinctual. Unfortunately, the heart-fluttering moment is ruined by the sudden buzzing of his phone. He has half a mind to ignore it, but when he gives the screen a glance he realizes ignoring the caller is not an option.

“I’ll be out for a moment,” he excuses himself once he sets his hand down and stands himself upright. “This shouldn’t take that long, hopefully.”

They all stop to look up at him inquisitively for half a second. In unison, they ask, “Sebek?”

“Sebek,” he affirms.

There are simultaneous displays of annoyance, pity, and silent wishes of good luck directed at him. He’s tempted to ask where all this contempt for the boy comes from, but then he remembers the many times Sebek barges his way into their dorm at the worst possible moments. It is either when everyone is beginning to settle down after a long day or in the middle of an important house project, the former more so than the latter now that the dorm is much more stable and in need of less restoration. Malleus learned the hard way how ill you and the ghosts will react when your peace is unwantedly interrupted and your space invaded by an unwanted guest.

Sebek is also quick to scrutinize whatever he sees out loud without a filter. You never seem to mind half of the time, merely rolling your eyes and moving past Sebek’s ill-meaning remarks as if you never heard them. As you are someone Malleus highly regards and holds close to his bosom, he hopes Sebek can one day set aside his strife with humankind and give you the due diligence you deserve.

...Though, he completely understands that reaching that point will take time. While you can endure Sebek to a certain degree, there are times where he, unfortunately, pushes you past that threshold and, without flinching, you will tell him to “Shut the fuck up”. Your words, not his.

“Young master!” Sebek's transmitted voice peaks and he has to half pull it away to give his pained eardrums some relief. “I was informed by Lord Lilia that you will be spending the night over at the Human’s dorm. Have you all your accommodations at their estate? If not, I will swiftly-”

“That won’t be necessary,” he half laughs at his enthusiasm over such a small task. “I have enough to keep me comfortable and well for a few days. Your offer is still very much appreciated.”

“Y-Yes, of course,” he stutters. “If there’s anything you should ever find a need for, please inform me at once! I will fulfill your every wishes no matter the hour!”

He’s enthusiastic and ready to act at a moment’s notice, even during the middle of a cold and dark hour. Malleus doesn’t necessarily dislike this part of Sebek, but he’s starting to understand why someone like you would find such subservience difficult to deal with. At any moment, Malleus could ask Sebek to grab some insignificant item of his and tread through the thick snow to deliver it to him, and the boy would do so with jubilation and utmost timeliness. You on the other hand wouldn’t be caught dead ordering someone to do something on your behalf when you believe you are well and capable of doing it yourself.

You don’t put expectations onto the backs of others, choosing to trust yourself first before anyone else. He knows now that it’s a result of the one instance where you expected something from someone, only to be thoroughly let down and left wondering if it was you who did something wrong.

Malleus cannot make up for the pain you’ve been subjected to, but he hopes that he can become the outlier in your life that surpasses any preconceived notions you may hold onto others. He hopes...No, he absolutely will be the one who brings you your well-earned and deserved joy and repose, just as you have done for him and continue to do so.

You love him, and he will ensure he is worthy of every last drop of your fidelity.

#twisted wonderland #twst #twst x reader #twisted wonderland x reader #twisted wonderland imagines #malleus draconia #twst malleus #malleus x reader #malleus draconia x reader #twst writing #twst fanfic #fanfic: courtship #reader insert #reader insert fanfic #reader insert fanfiction #gender neutral reader #gender neutral pronouns #x reader

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malkumtend · 3 years ago

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I Like Your Laugh - A SquirrelCrow AU - Chapter 22.

Feathertail didn’t move once, save for the gentle hold of her tail on Squirrelpaw’s back, as the apprentice cried into her chest. The cat let her friend release her swelling emotions, keeping close all the while until Squirrelpaw was ready to let go.

That wouldn’t be so soon.

Squirrelpaw didn’t think she had the heart to step away, lest it make her wake up to the bleak forest she could not call her home. Just a moment ago, it looked like Squirrelpaw had lost all the friends she had learnt to love. She had already lost Feathertail once, she couldn’t lose her again. Her nose nuzzled deeper, her smile broadening as Feathertail’s purr rumbled over her small body.

“It’s alright, Squirrelpaw.” Feathertail mewed. Her voice seemed to echo in starstruck ripples across the air. It felt nice; like a smooth stroke over Squirrelpaw’s back. “I’m not going to disappear if you let go.”

The chirp, sweet and strong, could have only been made by her.

Squirrelpaw didn’t step back, but she looked up. Feathertail was still there. Her blue eyes glimmered impossibly. Every part of her from her fleecy soft tail to the glorious shine of her silver fur was as real as could be here. Squirrelpaw smiled, blinking away a few soft teardrops. “I missed you so much.” She said, pressing her cheek against Feathertail’s chest again for good measure.

She missed feeling like this. So happy. So comforted. It had been so long.

“I know. I missed you too.” Squirrelpaw felt a smooth tongue brush comfortingly over her ear. “I’m so glad you’re safe.”

Despite the familiar love in that voice, Squirrelpaw’s chest overturned.

Safe.

That was what Feathertail should have been as well. Squirrelpaw bit her lip as the sting of realisation racked in her skull. Even if she could smell and feel Feathertail here, the blunt, cruel voice of reality made itself heard in her head. This wasn’t real. Not for Squirrelpaw anyway. Because she had seen the last remnants of Feathertail in her world. She had buried her beside the cats once called her friends.

The real parts of Feathertail were days away in the shadow of a waterfall. Lost in the memories of a final battle and sacrifice. The casualties of a failed plan.

Squirrelpaw’s failed plan.

The ginger molly’s face burned with painful responsibility. Almost instantly, Feathertail’s purrs ceased. “Squirrelpaw?” She mewed.

“I’m sorry.”

“For what?”

“I was such a mouse-brain.” Squirrelpaw muttered, disgust strangling her chest. “Thinking that monster wouldn’t realise the prey was poisoned.” She looked up with a forlorn apology in her eyes. “If I had actually thought about things for once…”

“Squirrelpaw…”

“It’s true.” Squirrelpaw meowed, “I was so convinced it would work I didn’t even think about the consequences. And look what happened.”

Only three chosen cats returned.

Crowpaw becoming lifeless with torment.

Riverclan left without a sign.

The blame was clear.

Squirrelpaw’s face fell, feeling how little she deserved to look her friend in the eyes. “You should have come home with us, and now…” The hot drips of tears welled up again. “I’m so sorry, Feather-”

The apprentice flinched as she felt something touch her chin. Squirrelpaw let out a shivering breath as Feathertail gently lifted her face until they were eye to eye. She half expected there to be cold disappointment in that gentle face, a culmination of the hate she deserved.

But Feathertail’s face was the same as always. Kind, warm, worrying.

Squirrelpaw tried to look away, feeling suddenly guilty again, but Feathertail’s paw kept their gazes locked. The silver cat let out a noise that could only be described as glistening. At once, their mystical surroundings seemed to twinkle.

“Squirrelpaw, please don’t be so silly.” Like always, even her scoldings sounded like encouragement. The paw brushed over Squirrelpaw’s dampening eyes. “I didn’t think I’d need to tell you that it wasn’t your fault. What happened that night was already decided long before we met the Tribe. There was nothing that could have been done.”

That did not make Squirrelpaw feel any better. Not when Feathertail still wasn’t with them. “But maybe there was?”

Feathertail shook her head, her smile small. “There wasn’t. It was my destiny to die there, Squirrelpaw.”

Hearing that word was so much more gruelling than Squirrelpaw anticipated. Her eyes closed as she whipped her head feverishly. “No. Your destiny was to save Riverclan. That was what you were chosen for.” She didn’t want to imagine that she couldn’t have saved Feathertail. There had to be some way.

“I thought that as well.” Feathertail said, her eyes glazing. She looked up to the stars for a long moment. “But now I don’t think I was meant to save the clans at all. I told you about the voices I heard the night before we rescued Stormfur.”

Squirrelpaw slowly looked up, vaguely remembering the mention of voices.

Feathertail nodded. “I heard them Squirrelpaw. The ghosts of the Tribe. My own mother’s voice. I didn’t know what it meant at the time.” Her sparkling body seemed to illuminate as her eyes closed. Squirrelpaw watched in awe as colours began to churn above them. The shadowy blue twirled like a hummingbird in flight, its starry wings fluttering and casting aside like soft clouds. Shades of yellow and red awoke in the blue, like chicks chirping for their first feed, before growing beside the dusky colour. Mixing in ways that Squirrelpaw thought were impossible, the misty sky stroked aside and caught itself in an unbelievable symphony of light and dark. Somehow the sky looked stuck between twilight and sunlight.

It was glorious.

Feathertail breathed like she could feel every stream of light in her fur. “But now, I think I understand. The Tribe was why I was chosen, Squirrelpaw. With all of your help, I achieved what I was destined for.” Smiling, Feathertail licked Squirrelpaw’s cheek. “I have my friends to thank for that.”

Squirrelpaw didn’t speak, her mouth ajar, still too amazed by the twisting sky and her friend’s familiar benevolence. She breathed into her dry mouth. “But… But what about Riverclan?” She asked softly.

Feathertail blinked, then a soft grimace took over her mouth. There was a shade of knowing about her. “Riverclan will survive without me.”

Squirrelpaw’s chest began to hurt. The stony face of Leopardstar and the smug cruelty of Hawkfrost stung her memories. “Feathertail.” How was she expected to say this? To say that the leader Feathertail had stood by all her life, even after being betrayed by her as a kit, had treated her sacrifice like nothing. The apprentice swallowed like stones were caught in her throat. “Riverclan said they won’t come with the clans.”

“I know, Squirrelpaw.”

Surprise battered into Squirrelpaw like a falling tree. Feathertail knew? How could she…

“I’ve never left your sides.” Feathertail said, she stepped forward to rub her pelt with the apprentice’s. Squirrelpaw could hear the scratch of pain in her voice. “There hasn’t been a moment where I haven’t been watching over you all. Not once. I’ve seen everything Squirrelpaw, you don’t have to explain what’s happened.”

There was a bizarre sense of relief that crossed Squirrelpaw at that moment. She didn’t need to be the bearer of the terrible news. But when she thought about what Feathertail said, what it meant, she realised just how much Feathertail must have seen.

The destruction of the forest.

The rejection of the leaders.

The breakdown of her friends.

What realisation made way onto the apprentice’s face was enough for Feathertail to wilt in a way that made Squirrelpaw’s head hurt. A sickly feeling seemed to soak in her fur like damp mud. The image of Feathertail watching her clan ignore everything the cats had protested and fought for… “We tried.” The ginger cat said weakly.

“Oh Squirrelpaw.” Feathertail cooed, “There was nothing you could do. It was never going to be easy to convince all the leaders, even if I’d been there with you.” She nudged the molly with a soft paw. “You should be proud! You were able to convince Firestar and Tallstar after all! That’s better than nothing.”

“But it isn’t what we went on the journey for.” Squirrelpaw’s voice was a bitter low. “Every clan is meant to leave. That’s the only way we’ll all keep safe. But Shadowclan and Riverclan…” Squirrelpaw felt her claws clench as she saw Blackstar’s disbelieving snarl and Hawkfrost’s smug sneer. “If only the leaders would listen!”

A disappointed look shivered through Feathertail. “It is a shame that they’re not convinced yet. But you can’t lose hope, Squirrelpaw. I’m sure Tawnypelt and Stormfur will be able to convince the clans.”

“What if they can’t?” Brambleclaw’s question echoed in Squirrelpaw’s lips. “You saw how Blackstar and Leopardstar reacted, right? They won’t listen to a word we say!” Her eyes burst wide open. “Why didn’t we get a sign?” Squirrelpaw cried. “If we had just seen it the leaders could have known we were telling the truth! Where was Starclan when we needed them?” Suddenly hearing her own voice, her throat tightened as she looked around in fear. “Is-Is this Starclan? Or… a dream? Where are we?”

If she had practically cursed Starclan in their own territory it wouldn’t do much good back home. Squirrelpaw bit her lip as she stared at Feathertail frightfully.

Feathertail let out a gentle chuckle, “Don’t worry. I’m sure every cat in the forest is wondering where Starclan are right now?” She began to walk off into the direction of a bright field of flower laced hills, motioning with her tail for Squirrelpaw to follow. The apprentice gladly strolled on beside her, still keeping her head low in case she had offended any of her ancestors.

“You are dreaming, Squirrelpaw. But this place is connected to Starclan.” The Warrior explained. As they began to approach the flowery scopes of land, Squirrelpaw was amazed when she saw the flowers bend in their beds of land, as if the hills were creating a path for them. The crisp path of emerald grass was cool and sent a pleasurable shimmer over the she cats paws. “Every Warrior is connected in their spirits to Starclan so some can see it in visions or dreams if Silverpelt allows it. But this place is a little different since its connected to me.”

“Huh?” Squirrelpaw flicked an ear. “Connected to you?”

Feathertail nodded, still advancing up the hill. “Each spirit is their own, Squirrelpaw. And each has their own path to take once their time in life is over. My path led me to the Tribe of Rushing Water, and since I died on their land…” Feathertail paused as she reached the top of the hill, and her fur began to wisp back in a cool breeze as she overlooked something. Squirrelpaw rose a brow, her heart racing suddenly in a curious drive. She pounced up the path to where Feathertail sat, and her jaw dropped at what she saw.

The hill overlooked a wide, overreaching river that slid between two starlit patches of land. Squirrelpaw blinked in astonishment. The river seemed to be made up of thousands of beaming stars that twinkled a pure blue in the soft ripples of water. A cool, murky scent filled Squirrelpaw’s senses that she soon identified as the scent of the Tribe’s cave. But with it was the wet tang of salt as well as the summery aroma of wet sand and pebbles. They melded together to craft the sweet bite of the sea.

Colours danced in the air, dynamic on the rush of the water. They rushed over the horizon in a gentle drift that sounded familiar to the tide of the waterfall. Dew flashed on blades of grass, casting what looked like more stars into the sky.

“Where we are is the border between Starclan and the Tribe of Endless Hunting. To be honest, I think I got lucky with where I ended up, don’t you?” Feathertail’s chipper laugh bounded into the horizon.

Squirrelpaw could only nod, too spell bounded to speak. It was true. This place was beautiful; beyond Squirrelpaw’s wildest dreams. She could smell the distant traces of prey and hear, like waves in the furthest corners of the light, the scattered, whispery echoes of laughter and smile cast voices.

This place was everything the stories of her elders could have imagined and more. And Feathertail somehow had found herself between two worlds that seemed to accept her, instead of refused by both. Squirrelpaw’s heart swelled. This paradise was just what Feathertail deserved after everything she’d done. At the very least, Squirrelpaw could be happy that her friend was somewhere safe and bright instead of the terrors in the forest.

She would never come back, but Squirrelpaw could let her heart soothe knowing that Feathertail had been rewarded for her sacrifice.

But when she thought of home…

Squirrelpaw’s ears pinned back as illness clawed her again. “But… why didn’t Starclan give us a sign?”

Feathertail sighed, “I’m sorry. I can’t answer that.”

Squirrelpaw gave her a wounded look. “Why?”

“It’s not up to me. I don’t have the power to make those kind of decisions.”

“Then who does?”

“There are many cats Squirrelpaw.” She shrugged sadly, “I’m just not one of them.”

“But what about the forest?” Squirrelpaw exclaimed. “You’ve all seen what’s happened to the forest! The clans are going to break apart if nothing changes! We need Starclan to help us!”

Feathertail’s face grew grave, “There are some cats down there that don’t believe Starclan has any power in the forest anymore.”

Squirrelpaw grit her teeth. That was true. Blackstar had openly declared that the forest had no meaning for the clans anymore. Perhaps it wasn’t too hard to see he didn’t trust Starclan would save them if they hadn’t stopped this destruction at all.

“Is that it then? We can’t get a sign because there are clans that don’t believe what we’re saying?” They had all tried to make them see, but what could a group of Warriors who’d ‘abandoned’ their clans do to persuade a group of angry, starving cats. Did the clans truly have to divide because of the choices of a few leaders?

Feathertail’s muzzle wrinkled, as if she was being held back from saying the truth. Another sigh left her. “Maybe. Perhaps it just wasn’t the time.”

Squirrelpaw’s eyes grew wide with disbelief. “We can’t waste any more time as it is, Feathertail!”

“I’m sorry, Squirrelpaw.” Feathertail’s mew was drenched with sadness. “I would help if I could. I can’t bare the thought of my Clan suffering through this.”

Squirrelpaw couldn’t help but scoff, her tail swiping angrily. “According to Leopardstar, Riverclan has nothing to worry about at all.” The stony look on the leader’s face was nothing but an insult to Squirrelpaw. Did the mouse-brain not understand anything? How could she just look at the chaos around her and just ignore it? How could any leader be so selfish?

Feathertail kept silent, looking aside. A twist of guilt came over Squirrelpaw at bad mouthing her friend’s leader. But… surely Feathertail knew that Leopardstar was going to hurt her clan if she did nothing? She kept quiet herself, waiting for Feathertail to respond.

The silver cat’s eyes looked distant. The sway of her tail told Squirrelpaw how hard she was thinking of what to say; as if carrying its own battle of will with every pulse of muscle. “Leopardstar is a stubborn cat. I can tell you that much myself.”

That was an understatement. Squirrelpaw knew to keep her mouth shut.

Feathertail’s eyes furrowed. The bare hint of anger looked distorted and wrong on the she cat. “I would be the first to admit that Leopardstar has made many terrible choices as a leader.”

Squirrelpaw shrank a little as the meaning dived into her. The rotten story of bone hill crept up her spine. After something like that, Squirrelpaw couldn’t help but wonder if being stuck with Leopardstar as a leader was its own prison for Riverclan.

But Feathertail’s anger didn’t last. On her face, it never could. With a deep breath, her face was as calm as the rivers water once again. “And there was a time when I thought Leopardstar did care more about herself than Riverclan. But not anymore. I know it seems hard to believe, but everything she does is what she thinks would benefit her Clan most of all.”

Squirrelpaw rolled her eyes. Whether it came from her father or Feathertail, she couldn’t let it soften her impression of Leopardstar. “Even if that’s true, Feathertail, it doesn’t mean she’s right.”

“I know.” Feathertail said with a soft laugh. “But I can’t let that ruin the fact that she was my leader.”

Squirrelpaw paused. “Why?” Didn’t Feathertail have the right to judge her leader’s poor decisions?”

Feathertail stared off. Above her the surge of red and blue began to mellow. “After what happened during Tigerstar’s reign, I was angry at her for so long.”

Of course she would be. She’d been betrayed for Starclan’s sake. That wasn’t Feathertail’s fault.

“I won’t lie to you. There were many times when I wished that Leopardstar would just go away for good. Every day in fact.”

At that, Squirrelpaw did freeze. While that kind of resentment was certainly understandable, the idea of Feathertail wishing for any cat to just die was too bizarre. But Squirrelpaw supposed that every cat, no matter how nice, had their limits.

“What did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything. I just hated her, blamed her for giving us up like that. But one day a fox attacked our territory and got a hold of Leopardstar. She told us to run away but I helped save her life.”

“What?” Squirrelpaw struggled to grasp that. A leader had nine lives to lose, while a Warrior only had one. Did Feathertail really risk her own to save a leader she hated, a leader that had allowed a cat to attack her as a kit? “But why?”

“Because it was the right thing to do. And if I ran away, when I knew I could have saved her, that would have been just as wrong as what she did. She may have chosen her own mistakes, but I wasn’t going to do something like that.”

All in all, that answer was just what Squirrelpaw would have expected from Feathertail. Too good for her own good. Saving a cat even though she didn’t forgive her.

It was things like that that made her one of the greatest cats Squirrelpaw ever knew.

Feathertail exhaled, the strain on her brow dimming. “After that happened, she finally came over to me and apologised for what happened.” A light chuckle purred in Feathertail, “That was never something I expected from her.” She paused again.

Squirrelpaw bit her lip. “What did you say?”

Feathertail turned, and her face was as soft as spring moss. “I forgave her.”

The apprentice sighed, more in disbelief than anything. “How?”

“Because when she screamed at me to run away from that fox, I realised who Leopardstar was. She isn’t a bad cat. She cares for her Warriors more than anything.” Her eyes closed as an embarrassed simper waved over her. “She’s just unfortunately a fool of herself, sometimes at the very worst moment. If she thinks her decision can benefit the greater good, she will follow through with it. She’s a hot-head, but she isn’t an awful cat.”

Was that much better? Squirrelpaw hated more than anything that she doubted her friends words, but even if Leopardstar believed she was doing the right thing, it didn’t erase the fact that her foolish decisions were foolish decisions. This was a time where no cat could afford to doubt their only chance of survival. It was hard to feel sorry for a leader instead of the many cats they put in danger.

“I understand what you mean, Feathertail.” Squirrelpaw sighed, resignation clouding her eyes. “But that doesn’t change her decision. Leopardstar doesn’t want to travel with the clans. What does that mean for Riverclan? They didn’t even believe Stormfur! What else can we do?” If Feathertail had any words of wisdom that she could share out of Starclan’s light, Squirrelpaw was desperate to hear it.

Feathertail turned to Squirrelpaw and just smiled. “Leopardstar learnt her mistakes before. I think she’ll soon realise what she needs to do. I trust her.” She began to slowly pad down the hill towards the river.

Squirrelpaw blinked. Was that it? Trust?

She bounded after Feathertail. “Feathertail?” Squirrelpaw exclaimed, “She wasn’t convinced after fourtrees were torn from their roots! She won’t change her mind now!”

“She might.” Feathertail said gently, “I think we both know that what’s happening to the forest isn’t going away anytime soon. Sooner or later, I think Leopardstar will see that Riverclan can’t stay there anymore.”

Squirrelpaw ran her tongue over the inside of her teeth. “But Riverclan hasn’t been affected yet! And even if they are soon, it won’t matter if the other clans have already decided to separate! Shadowclan is already thinking of moving to the Twoleg-place!”

“They haven’t yet.” Feathertail responded, shifting her paw to avoid stepping on a lone flower. Then she stopped where she stood, making her friend pause beside her. “There’s still time, Squirrelpaw. I’m sure that Stormfur and Tawnypelt will do all they can to make sure that doesn’t happen.” She faced Squirrelpaw, gleaming. “And I’m certain that you, Crowpaw and Brambleclaw will do all you can to help as well.”

The bite of those words, of the belief in them, was excruciating. Squirrelpaw slowly looked down, a harsh dread spilling inside her. She had seen Brambleclaw’s defeated face, and it was becoming harder and harder to fight the loss enveloping them all. Especially after…

Squirrelpaw wanted desperately to be the strong cat Feathertail clearly thought she was. But everything was falling apart, including her own beliefs. She hated it, she really did, but she was losing her own will after seeing it drain from each of her friends.

If they were even friends anymore.

It seemed the leaders had taken that choice from them as well.

Each of their faces had been a shell. Nothing reminiscent of the cats Squirrelpaw had fought life and death with. They didn’t sound the same anymore. It was like they were husks for their clans instead of cats that had battled to save them. Their clans didn’t trust them anymore. What chance did they have when they were divided.

She had heard words that her own nightmares hadn’t given her journey mates to speak.

She had said them herself.

“Feathertail, I don’t think there’s anything else we can do.” She couldn’t bring herself to look up at Feathertail at that moment. The imagination of the heartbreak was painful enough. “We can’t go against our leaders. Things aren’t the same anymore.”

Silence.

Squirrelpaw cringed. Now she really couldn’t meet those sad eyes.

“I-I want to help them. I promise I do! B-But…” Her jaw squared, “I don’t know what to do! It’s like the journey didn’t even matter! Tallstar is pressuring my father to leave soon; what am I supposed to do if me and Brambleclaw can’t convince them for more time?”

More silence.

Squirrelpaw’s mouth trembled.

Of course.

There was no answer she’d like.

“I-I don’t even know if the others think we’ll be able to leave together. We-We might have to…” She didn’t know if she could say it.

The feeling of soft paws on her ear made her voice die down. “Feathertail?” Squirrelpaw looked up but a paw kept her still.

“Just a moment.”

The paws were fussing over her ear. Squirrelpaw felt something delicate and smooth brush the outer fur. The pungent waft of honey sent a shiver in Squirrelpaw’s senses. It almost felt like…

Her breath slowed. She knew this feeling. She suddenly felt the urge to cry.

Feathertail proudly sauntered back, admiring her work. “There. It suits you.”

The flower was thin and red, petals tufted together like dandelion fluff. It lay in Squirrelpaw’s ear like it had always been there. She could barely feel it even. But she recognised the weight of a flower. She carried one for a long time.

Cherished times.

Feathertail’s smile thinned. She ushered Squirrelpaw with her tail, reigniting their walk to the river. “Let me ask you something,” The cat cooed. Her voice was devoid of judgement which scared Squirrelpaw all the more. “Do you really believe that the others would let their clans abandon you?”

Squirrelpaw sighed, “Feathertail, they don’t have a-”

“Ignore that.” She prompted, “I want you to answer me that.” She meowed. “Do you, in your heart, really think the others would abandon you?”

Two cold blue eyes burned on the apprentice’s brain.

“Crowpaw said that he would.”

Feathertail let out a soft breath, “Forget what he said. I’m asking if you truly believe that they would?” Squirrelpaw felt Feathertail’s eyes on her as if they were a leader’s. They didn’t blink once, as if they refused to until they got an answer. “If it was their clan that agreed to leave while yours refused, do you think they would just leave you behind?”

Squirrelpaw’s gaze flew up.

If her clan had refused to leave instead?

The idea hadn’t caught her before. It was like she was a fly trapped in an invisible web. She thought of her and Brambleclaw, stuck worrying while Firestar refused to leave their home. She thought of Leopardstar and Blackstar or even Tallstar, content with letting him stay in his stubborn prison. And then she thought of her previous friends, safe in their decision to leave. If it meant their survival, would they truly just abandon a cat they’d travelled beside?

The question should have been made of fire and dark, ready to swarm whatever they could feast on.

But all it left Squirrelpaw with was a hollow breath.

Because whenever she thought of any of those cats turning their backs on them, she didn’t recognise what she saw.

“I… I don’t…” Squirrelpaw spluttered.

“No?” Feathertail offered with a light shake of her whiskers.

Squirrelpaw exhaled, her tongue against the roof of her mouth. “…No.” She said sagely.

“And why do you think that?”

“Because… they just wouldn’t.” She had no reason, just a cracked stone of certainty.

“You trust them?”

Squirrelpaw almost felt offended, “Of course I do!”

“So why don’t you trust that they’ll do everything they can to stop their leaders?”

“That’s… That’s different.”

“Is it?”

Wasn’t it?

“If you trust that they wouldn’t leave you behind, wouldn’t they trust that you wouldn’t leave them behind?”

“We’d never leave them behind!” Squirrelpaw affirmed, “That’s what Firestar is trying to avoid!”

“So if they trust you to do that, don’t you have any faith in them trying to make sure the journey is completed?” Feathertail’s tail gently stroked the underside of Squirrelpaw’s chin. “Otherwise, what would be the point of believing in your clans?”

It was hard to tell why Squirrelpaw felt something inside of Feathertail’s words. It might have been because they came from a Starclan cat, it might have been because they offered a rare chance of hope that Squirrelpaw couldn’t let slip.

Mostly it was because it came from Feathertail.

The cat who had always made her honestly sound so strong.

Squirrelpaw hadn’t realised they’d made it to the river until Feathertail had stopped at the bank. She looked over the edge and gawked. This close, it really did look like there was a horde of small winking stars swimming in the currents like golden tadpoles. She felt a soft touch on her shoulder that she knew was Feathertail’s paw.

“I know how you feel, Squirrelpaw. I saw the meeting.” Her face twisted as she pulled the apprentice a little closer, resting her chin on the soft head. Squirrelpaw shivered, holding in her breath. “It broke my heart to see you all in such pain. I wish there was something I could do.”

Squirrelpaw sank her cheek into the chest morosely, “But you can’t.”

“No, I can’t.” Feathertail nodded, “But you all can. You need to have faith in each other, even if it seems pointless.”

“I… I want to, Feathertail. But…”

“No buts. If you don’t believe in them for a moment, then you’re showing that you don’t trust yourselves. I know it’s hard, but you can’t give up. I won’t either. I believe in Leopardstar the same that I believe in all of you.” Feathertail pulled back, her paws on both of Squirrelpaw’s shoulders. The apprentice met the confident eyes with a lack of breath. “If you don’t have trust, then you don’t have faith, and without faith there’s no hope.” Feathertail’s stare stiffened, “And without hope… what do you have?”

Nothing. Nothing was what you had.

Squirrelpaw stared brokenly at her friend, as if trying to piece together a forgotten memory.

Feathertail sighed, her head lowering, then rising up with a small, but full, smile. “Please Squirrelpaw. Please just trust in them. Tawnypelt, Crowpaw… Stormfur-” Her breath went jagged for a second, but she quickly rebuilt herself. “They need you. More than ever. Please don’t give up on them. Because they wouldn’t give up on you.”

Give up. There were times where Squirrelpaw wouldn’t touch that phrase with a whisker. It made her feel too much. And she knew why that was.

Because the phrase brought nothing good in its wake.

At home, it had become so powerful.

But here, in the light of Feathertail’s pure confidence, Squirrelpaw felt the slightest power to reject it once again. Because even in her coldest moments, she couldn’t imagine those cats ever giving up on each other. They may not believe in themselves, Squirrelpaw hardly felt she could do anything.

But maybe that was why they trusted each other so much?

They placed all their beliefs into their… Friends or not. It meant something.

Squirrelpaw hoped.

It was like Feathertail said, without hope, there wasn’t anything.

Her mouth began to curl into a reluctant, but rewarding smile. “I’ll do my best, Feathertail. I promise.”

She had to try. Because they would do the same for her.

Feathertail wouldn’t waste her hope on nothing. Squirrelpaw would make sure of that.

Feathertail beamed, purring extensively. “Thank you, Squirrelpaw. That’s all I ask.” The two she cats found their gazes drawn to the water again. It was mystifying; watching the maelstrom of colours glitz with a feverish vitality. The beauty of it all gave Squirrelpaw a fresh wash of peace.

“I can’t speak for the others, but I’ll do what I can. For all of us.”

Feathertail stepped back with a light laugh. “I know you will. I have faith in you all.”

Squirrelpaw smiled at the hope in her friend’s voice. She had always been the one to lift their spirits. The one who dreamed for them all.

‘That was my mistake.’

Squirrelpaw thought the voice had come from the water at first. It was too hostile and crooked to git here.

But that was because it came from home.

Squirrelpaw saw her face warp in the water.

Feathertail’s did too.

“Yes.” She said cooly. “That was something else we needed to talk about.”

Squirrelpaw didn’t even question how Feathertail knew what was wrong. She was too sickened to do that. She realised that by seeing everything at the meeting, Feathertail had truly seen ‘eveything’. Including those painful words.

What could Squirrelpaw even say? Crowpaw’s sudden attitude had knocked the wind out of her as well. If Feathertail had heard Crowpaw demean her sacrifice, her beliefs, their journey like that?

It had hurt Squirrelpaw immensely. For a number of reasons.

Feathertail must have had it so much worse. After all she had…

“I really wish you’d told me, Squirrelpaw.”

Squirrelpaw blinked. In the water, Feathertail’s mouth was in a straight line and her eyes were half-lidded. Squirrelpaw looked up at her, a brow raised. “Told you what?”

Feathertail faced her, and her head cocked knowingly. It was the thin, disappointed smile that first made the incredible tremor of complete and utter horror sink into Squirrelpaw’s throat like a weasel’s jaws. Her pupils shrank as she suddenly felt all of her breath sucked out of her. Her throat began to hurt, and she really felt now that she was going to vomit.

Feathertail just sighed, deep, out of her nose. “You know what I mean, Squirrelpaw.”

Oh dear.

Squirrelpaw began to look for some kind of excuse, anything at all. But Feathertail just looked at her so calmly and unjudgmental that it was impossible to form a sentence.

“I- I- I jus- I couldn’t-” She looked up again in a panic, and when it became clear that Feathertail wasn’t going to do anything else apart from crane her head and let her disappointment deepen a little more, Squirrelpaw let her head drop in defeat.

There was nowhere to hide anymore.

Not from Feathertail.

Not from herself.

“How- How did you find out?”

Feathertail’s lips tugged to the side, “I told you. I haven’t left your side once.” She licked her chest, “It gave some time to really notice some things.”

Squirrelpaw covered her face with a forepaw, hissing through her teeth. Was she really that obvious? How pathetic. The paw dropped and she stared dejectedly into the water. “I’m… I’m sorry Feathertail.”

“Oh Squirrelpaw, don’t do that.” Feathertail actually looked annoyed this time. She brushed her face with a paw, “What could you possibly be sorry for?”

Squirrelpaw picked her head up, cowed by the frustration but intrigued by the question. “I- Well, because you… liked him? And I didn’t…”

“Didn’t what? Stop liking him too! Come on, Squirrelpaw, do you really think I’m that shallow?”

Squirrelpaw looked away, biting her lip. She’d already managed to say something wrong. It would only get worse from here. She kept her face ruefully away from Feathertail.

Her ear quivered at a soft sigh. “Squirrelpaw, please look at me. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to raise my voice.”

A pack of stones lay in Squirrelpaw’s stomach. If there was any kindness, they would let her sink into the water like she deserved. It never came so Squirrelpaw was forced to accept her punishment and look back at her judgement.

It just hit Squirrelpaw then that for some reason, Feathertail didn’t cast a shadow onto the ground. “Squirrelpaw,” She said gently, “I’m not upset that you felt the same as me about Crowpaw.”

Squirrelpaw’s whiskers twitched with disbelief. “You’re… not?”

“No. I’m upset because you didn’t think you could tell me about it.” Feathertail’s eyes dimmed a little guiltily, “I’m upset because I didn’t notice how much you were hurting the whole time.”

Every muscle in Squirrelpaw tightened and every instinct and emotion overflowed. “Feathertail… it wasn’t your fault. I- I just never told you.” She looked down again. “I never told anyone. I couldn’t.”

Something tired and pained cast over Feathertail, “I know. That’s one of the things that’s hard to take.” She didn’t stop even when Squirrelpaw’s tail began to shake. “I mean, you were my best friend, Squirrelpaw. I didn’t realise what I was doing when I told you how I felt.”

Squirrelpaw grimaced, “I, uh, kind of figured it out before you told me.” She licked her shoulder, aghast. “Sorry Feathertail, you weren’t really hiding it.”

Feathertail blushed, then her lips parted for a quiet fit of laughter. “Guess I was even less subtle, wasn’t I?”

Squirrelpaw couldn’t help but smile along. “You could say that.”

“I’m sorry. If I’d known that you’d liked him too I would have tried to talk to you about it.” She moved forward, her eyes half closing with a frown. “Why didn’t you tell me? We could have talked about it!”

Squirrelpaw looked up with a tight frown, “I- I couldn’t do that.”

“Why not? We’re friends aren’t we?”

“Of course!” Squirrelpaw meowed, “That’s why I didn’t say anything!”

Feathertail drew back, a sad look in her expression.

The dismay in Squirrelpaw’s stomach was hard to swallow down. She had kept this hidden for so long, for everyone’s benefit but her own. And here she was, about to reveal it all to her dead best friend. Why did life have to be such a thorn in her tail?

“You liked him, Feathertail. Probably before me. I couldn’t get in the way of that.” The tenderness she looked at Feathertail with was overshadowed by a gruelling dejection. “You’re one of the greatest cats I know, Feathertail. If anyone deserved to be with him, it was you. I didn’t want to make things… harder for anyone if I suddenly got involved.”

She didn’t want to prove that nagging hiss, the one that told her all she did was ruin things for others, right. She didn’t think she could live with that.

“Squirrelpaw.” The pensive glow in Feathertail’s eyes unnerved the apprentice. “That wouldn’t have happened at all. The last thing I’d want to do is hurt you. You really kept quiet all this time because you thought you’d upset me?”

Squirrelpaw could only nod. It made sense after all.

“Oh my.” Feathertail murmured. She stepped forward again and Squirrelpaw could see the tired, but honest love in her expression. “Squirrelpaw, I know you just wanted me to be happy. But please, we’re friends. We shouldn’t keep secrets like that from each other. Especially if it was hurting you.”

“It wasn’t hurting me.”

All Feathertail needed to do was stare to show what a terrible lie that was.

Squirrelpaw groaned. “I just… if you two could have been happy together… I think I could have lived with that.” Was her voice breaking at the end of that? She hissed. Why was she so bad at keeping herself together?! She sniffed. “It doesn’t matter now. You heard what he said right? He hates me.”

“He doesn’t hate you.” Feathertail said it smoothly. Plainly.

That just made Squirrelpaw angry. Impossibly, frustratedly angry.

“Are you kidding me? Yes, he does!”

“I can assure you, he doesn’t.”

Once again. Just plain and simple.

Once more, Squirrelpaw grit her teeth.

A growl left Squirrelpaw’s throat. She couldn’t stop it, even as she found herself glaring at Feathetail’s reflection. It was too much of an effort to look at her like this.

“You weren’t there!” It was a mouse-brained, technically a lie, excuse. But Squirrelpaw wasn’t thinking. All she thought about were his words.

“Yes I was.” Feathertail said softly, she tried to stroke Squirrelpaw’s back with her tail, and succeeded when the ginger cat didn’t find the energy to move. “And I never heard him say I hate you.”

“He might as well have! He said that it was a mistake to think we’d be friends! He said that your sacrifice didn’t matter! What else could he have meant?”

“He did say that didn’t he?” Feathertail said gently, her half-lidded expression finding Squirrelpaw’s squinting scowl. There was a moment where Squirrelpaw accepted this as a reluctant victory.

But then Feathertail spoke on. “But what did you say back to him?”

‘She’d be ashamed of you.’

Squirrelpaw’s heart squeezed as she felt the words run over her mouth like sand. Inside the water, Feathertail’s reflection took on a quiet glance that Squirrelpaw could barely look at. It was only the shame that kept her neck stiff that didn’t take her away.

“He deserved it.”

“In a way, I suppose he did. But I’m not ashamed of him, you know? I could never be ashamed of either of you.”

Squirrelpaw kept quiet.

“It’s just sad; seeing the two of you fight.” Feathertail’s body edged close

“He started it.”

“The Twolegs started it, Squirrelpaw. But I know what you mean, he had no right to say what he said.”

Squirrelpaw wasn’t as pleased by Feathertail taking her side as she thought she would. Mostly because she’d have preferred it if those words hadn’t been said to begin with.

“He acted like we were strangers.” Squirrelpaw’s bitter mew hissed. “I thought he’d changed. But it was just like when we first met.” Her tail lashed with broken-hearted rage. The poison in his snarl, the ferocity in his eyes, she’d seen it before. Her head dipped. Maybe it was her fault for getting her hopes up.

To Squirrelpaw’s ever increasing unease, Feathertail just nodded her head, still empty eyed. “I know. He did really act awful, didn’t he? And you’re right, it did remind me of how he was at the start. He didn’t want to know any of us.”

If Feathertail was a storm, then her words were hail. They battered Squirrelpaw mercilessly in their agreement, making Squirrelpaw squirm and shake in sickness she didn’t fully understand. She didn’t speak.

“So?” Feathertail’s voice rose into a questioning mew. “Why did we ever like him in the first place?”

There, Squirrelpaw stood face to face with her reflection. She felt confused, because in the water, she was surrounded by some kind of glow that took over every patch of her. Above the surface, she was dry inside and out.

But something was making her tremble.

“I mean,” Feathertail continued casually, “We knew at the start that he hated us. So why did we both grow to like him so much?”

The longer Squirrelpaw stared, the more she was sure she was going mad. Because she could swear that the water was changing, twisting, mirroring a stream of visions. At first a black tide rippled, angry and wolfish, sterile and disconnected from anything, it stared with hatred, two blue eyes creasing in the hissing foam.

But Squirrelpaw thought.

Why?

The water changed.

The water seemed to push and pull like a tide, and each time Squirrelpaw saw something new. She watched the black shape turn grey and strangely start to glow. Maybe it was the stars. Maybe not. But regardless, it changed and churned.

“I know why I liked him anyway.” Feathertail’s voice whistled somewhere close. “So how about you? After all, I remember that at the start all the two of you did was fight? Why after all that did you become friends with him?”

Good question.

Squirrelpaw’s head felt like wet moss. She couldn’t think.

The water spoke for her.

She heard a voice anyway, as a flurry of images slipped through the river.

‘I don’t need to take credit from another clan either, Squirrelbreath!’

‘Thank you… What? She derserves it. It was brave.’

‘Any clan would be lucky to have that kind of apprentice.’

‘And you shouldn’t let your guard down so easily.’

‘Yeah… I’d like that.’

‘If you need to talk, we can, you know?’

The next image made Squirrelpaw touch her cheek. She felt the tingle of her fur as her cheek was gently licked.

For a moment she thought that the frantic steam of her breath had made a fog over her eyes, when in reality her eyes had become full of tears. They didn’t drop immediately, just lay obscuring her vision, moulding the scowling dark shape until Squirrelpaw was sure she could see something new and intimate.

A face she knew, that smiled.

Softly, Squirrelpaw smiled back at the vision. “I became friends with him, because I found out who he was.”

Feathertail began to purr, content. “Really?”

“Yes. He acted like a complete mouse-brain at first. And I can honestly say I hated him.” Her head turned from the water, stationary, looking into Feathertail’s chest fluff. “But after a while, we became friends. He was still a mouse-brain.” The two she-cats laughed fleetingly, “But he helped me… a lot. And he was kinder than even he thought he was, I think. He was brave, and funny, and…” Squirrelpaw sniffed. “Good. He was a good cat.”

Squirrelpaw didn’t look up as Feathertail’s paws wrapped themselves around her shoulders, gently letting the smaller cat’s forehead bump against her chest. Feathertail let the cat cry, not flinching, always patting her back with her paw. “Hmm. Sounds like you really do like him?”

Squirrelpaw laughed and cried into the fur. “Yeah. I love him.” Maybe she said that so faintly because of the stupendous relief it gave her to say it out loud. “And now he…”

“Squirrelpaw. I promise you; he doesn’t hate you.”

“But he said-”

“I know what he said. But remember that he’s a mouse-brain.” Feathertail snorted, “Sometimes cats say things they don’t mean when they’re upset.”

Squirrelpaw cringed. Point taken.

“I’m not saying you should forgive what he said. But no matter how he acts, we both know he can’t do this on his own. The same that you or I couldn’t.” Feathertail let her head rest on the apprentice’s neck. “You didn’t give up on him before, I wouldn’t think you would now.”

“It isn’t that easy. The clans are fighting for their lives. How am I supposed to help him, or anyone for Starclan’s sake?” Squirrelpaw sobbed.

The fur pulled away, leaving Squirrelpaw alone for a cold second. Then a placid set of paws came over her eyes, as soft as a mother cradling a kit. Squirrelpaw sniffed again, but her eyes were dry. She blinked. Feathertail sat before her, a strong grin on her jaws.

“You’re a smart cat, Squirrelpaw.” Feathertail meowed. “I know you’ll figure it out.”

All her life, Squirrelpaw had yearned for a cat to believe in her. It was Feathertail that had done that for the first time, and even here, in this mist of stars and doubt, she did the same. A warmth began to beat inside of Squirrelpaw like a second heart.

Feathertail’s paw moved over the flower, adjusting it safely, a trace of sad resignation in her eyes. Squirrelpaw mewed in confusion, then looked around. Her jaw dropped. The mid-air stars had began to glow, bright and shining, making Squirrelpaw begin to squint. The sound of the river began to crash. Fear began to claw Squirrelpaw.

“What’s going on?”

“You’re waking up.”

“What?” No! This wasn’t fair! Squirrelpaw didn’t have the strength to say goodbye again. “No, Feathertail, please!” She lunged forward wrapping her paws around her friend again, her grit teeth and tear soaked eyes let the silver fur absorb them. “Please don’t go! We, all of us, need you!”

The paws tenderly touched the apprentice’s shoulders again. “No. You need each other.” Feathertail’s mew began to fade as the sound of water began to drum into Squirrelpaw’s ears. “Stay safe. I promise I’ll always be watching you all!”

“No!” Squirrelpaw sobbed. “Please! Stay with me just a little longer.”

“You’re strong, Squirrelpaw. Save your clan. Save the others. Look after him.”

Squirrelpaw sobbed until the white of the stars filled her eyes and the roar of the river drowned out the sky. But she was aware of Feathertail’s smile, constant on her cheek. And she felt her ear smooth as if it was being groomed.

When she awoke in the gully, she found that she was in fact receiving a wake up groom from Shrewpaw. He poked her with his paw, calling for her to get up as Firestar was about to announce something important.

Squirrelpaw didn’t respond, even when Shrewpaw and Whitepaw began to ask what was wrong. She touched the fur beside her ear and felt nothing there. Her head dipped low. She might have stayed there the whole morning if it wasn’t for the twitching of her nose.

Her eyes widened, her back fur flaring as her legs stiffened up.

Shrewpaw and Whitepaw cocked their heads in confusion when Squirrelpaw asked them if they smelt what she smelt.

Was that?

She sniffed again.

But the forest was… how did she…

She sniffed again.

Her paw touched her ear.

She sniffed again.

The smell was stronger.

Not so calmly, Squirrelpaw began to smile, and a surge of confidence grappled her chest. Then she bounded past her shell shocked friends out of the gully and into the morning light and the faint scent of honey.

She wouldn’t give up. Not now. Not ever. And not as long as she knew that someone was watching her, believing in her.

…

By the starlit pool, a lone silver shape sat quietly. She stared at her reflection, contemplating.

“Are you okay?”

The silver cat didn’t need to turn. She could recognise the voice of her mother.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

Her mother strode to the edge of the river, her mouth fixed into a knowing line.

“You know how it will end for them, right?” The older cat, if she could still be called that in this gleaming afterflife, said. It was better to be honest. It wouldn’t be respectful to her daughter to be anything but. “That he didn’t… return your feelings?”

Her daughter nodded, accepting but reluctant.

Silverstream hummed into the gentle stream. “And how does that make you feel?”

For a long time Feathertail only sat there, silent. She breathed, her eyes hidden from her mother. “Well, there’s definitely a pain in my chest. It isn’t that nice, obviously.”

Silverstream waited.

Feathertail turned, and despite the tears in her eyes, she truly looked overjoyed. “But I’m so happy for them.” She beamed.

Silverstream smiled. “That’s nice.”

#squirrelflight #crowfeather #crowsquirrel #squirrelcrow #Feathertail #Warrior Cats #Warriors #warriors fic #the new prophecy #warriors au #thunderclan #windclan #starclan #i like your laugh

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yanderenightmare · 4 years ago

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YANDERE ! SHINSO HITOSHI x FEM ! READER

goodiebag WARNINGS: dubcon/noncon themes, yandere, abuse, profanity, ableism, amnesia, animal abuse, anxiety, kidnapping, abduction, manipulation, mind control, stalking

CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT

He didn’t want it to be this way.

Or… that’s a lie. He didn’t want to enjoy it being this way. He had to do it either way, but disliking it would make it slightly easier to forgive himself afterwards. Yet, he was enjoying himself, thoroughly at that. Looking into those large wax-like eyes, glossed over by some thick veil, no longer in her own control, but in his. No longer constantly distracted by the faintest noise or the mildest view or the most mellow smell accompanying the fucking breeze. Her attention undeniably and uninterruptedly set on him and only him. It felt better than what he had imagined, as though some war had been won; peaceful, right.

Yet wrong. It was wrong of him to take advantage of her trust, what more: it was wrong of him to enjoy it so devilishly as well. But how could he not? How could he resist taking pleasure in her utter submission, even if he’d forced it from her; looking at him so helplessly, hopelessly, no plead or hatred or fear evident in her defenseless features, just complete and pure vulnerability.

Not that she was ever one for caution anyways. She was always so temptingly careless, reckless, ruthless, dangerous. Chaos in desperate need of control. She was always chasing some new type of death as though in love with the idea of her life being ripped away, in love with the idea of not having any control. He was granting her just that. Where she lacked the ability to control herself, he had no qualms in doing it for her. She couldn’t blame him when she was practically begging for it.

He was scared, he realized. Afraid of letting go now that he’d taken her, unsure of how to brace himself once he unclutched his claws from her mind. It was easier to simply stare into her orbs as she did him. Yet, he didn’t take her to feel safe. Quite the opposite. He took her to taste the chaos she provided. That unpredictable terrifying wilderness that seemed to swirl behind her eyes, the one he’d currently subdued. There was no way to prepare, he figured. No point in postponing the inevitable either.

Her eyes flickered, as though waking up from a nap, fluffy puffy soft-looking tail raising behind her, ears ruffling as though sensing she wasn’t where she was supposed to be before her mind reached the same sense of dread. Licking her lips as she��d been unable to for some time. Hands scrunching into the bedsheets, nails plunging through the thin fabric, knees retracting to her chest as her breathing picked up. Eyes locked onto him, recognition then confusion, then a newfound panic building and brewing and storming her senses all at once.

“What did you do?”

She sounded unsure, unbelieving of her words, half expecting there to be some logical explanation behind her situation, yet she couldn’t shake her insurmountable sense of dread. Eyes scanning and spiraling from the purple-haired man to the large bed she was placed on to the unknowingly locked door.

Without further thought, she leaped as though she had wings attached to her back, all granted by her cat-like mobility, and even as she realized the door was locked, she still pointlessly shook at the handle as though some saint would grant her wish and unlock it for her.

She only stopped when she felt his hand touch something sensitive. His hand feeling so familiar in its distinct resolution, firm and purposeful and greedy, handling her extra limb, controlling the only reign she had in keeping control, keep her balance, keep her footing, now strangled inside his fist.

Her tail wormed in his grasp, bending and twining in discomfort, begging for her to whip around and plant those knife-sharp claws into his skin, dragging them, digging them, graveling along his arm, leaving an imprint of three blood-red streaks in their wake, a stark contrast to the softness of her tail-fur.

He hissed and let go, yet couldn’t blame a wild thing for acting on mere instinct, thinking that maybe relieving his control of her was a decision made on hope more so than on logic. His scarf coming to wrap and slither around her quite similar to how a boa constrictor would suffocate their victims. The tendrils lifting her up into the air, all with her thrashing, joined with all downtrodden panicked little yelps and screams which were second by overwhelming second becoming uncontrollable sobs the more and more the situation dawned on her, feeling herself be placed down on the bed again, which sparked the dreadful thought of what impending violation the following events might contain. However, despite the fat globs of tears that soon made passage down her face, drowning out her sight, she was in no shape or form subdued, and would most definitely not be handled without a fight.

The sheets were an easy target for her claws to shred into ruins as quickly as her body met with the soft surface of the mattress. Feather of pillow came flying shortly after, until the idea of ruining whatever bond was holding her in place even came into mind. Her hands finding the capture weapon, beginning to pull and scratch, but to no avail.

“Chess.” His voice managed to send chills shooting through her, now that she could remember each and every time she’d heard it but been made to forget afterwards. All those times he had pulled her tail, coaxed her into answering a question then made her forget the whole ordeal. All those times he’d come by to rub the softness of her furry ears like lucky charms, those times he’d twirl the plush bushiness of her tail around his fingers and hand, those times he’d kissed her, tested to see if her tongue was gravel in texture, and the moan he gave when finding how it was velvety and squishy like a regular human’s would be, maybe even more so.

Her caution rendered frail and pointless in the whirlwind of her panic. “Let me go!” It was half a sob and half a scream, soaked with panic, yet it made no difference to the heavy weight that soon feel upon her conscience. Her eyes growing wide and glossy and void like before, her body lying limp on the bed. Every nerve of her body; raped. The entire construct of her mind; abused, to the point where she felt the faulty cracks created like never-ending ravines made by the gaps in her memory, decisions she didn’t make, wasn’t allowed to make.

It’s not something you think about… how easy it is for the strong to make the weak crawl, how easy it is for them to excuse themselves, forgive themselves, thank themselves.

His was a patronizing smile, sly in its crookedness. Thinking of how cute a little reckless and forgetful creature he had the liberty and luxury of finding, of having, taking, owning. “Curiosity really did kill the cat, didn’t it?” In her defense it hadn’t sounded like a question. In her defense it wasn’t even her real name, yet the new, or rather old, memories flooding her mind told her otherwise. “It would seem… Kitty’s on her last life.” A long pale finger dragged up her leg slowly, and although she wanted nothing more but to pull her leg to herself, she couldn’t even as much as look at the attacker from anywhere but the very edge of her peripheral, his control not allowing her an inch of mobility.

She realized she hadn’t known fear. She only knew of small fleeting moments where her heart would make a leap into her chest, the feeling of almost pleasant fluttering followed by that flush of relief that could feel like blessing or absolution at times. She used to think fear was something people needed every once in a while. A good little thrilling scare to keep the mundane at bay. But this, this crippling crawling creeping draining, as though there was a puncture somewhere and all her blood was leaking from her limbs and had the fine hairs of her skin raising like spires in a manor where she swore it hurt. And although the fear had her feeling light, as though she was nothing, made of glass or worse, she felt heavy, grounded, trapped. The command placed not in her mind, but on her chest like a two-ton brick.

Stray silent tears slipped past his control, but the act was just as meek and pointless as a whisper in the wind. “I have you wrapped around my pinky, but I promise…” She felt like shaking, like trembling, quaking like earth does in uproar, but her body remained engulfed in some false sense of calm. His knees dipped down into the mattress, and she’d never before wanted to whimper so badly, the sound stuck in her throat, choking her. Her breathing slow and reserved, her own lungs betraying her even as his finger made way to brush up the valley between her breasts over the satiny feel of her blouse. “I won’t do anything you won’t like.”

Hitoshi liked to think he’d learned how much to give and how much to take, when in reality the only thing Hitoshi had cultivated through his several years of struggle was the tenacity, the drive, the strength to take and take and take things when the world doesn’t serve him his desires on a silver platter.

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darkdevasofdestruction · 5 years ago

Note

Obey Me! Request: What if the reader's a fairy whose wings were ripped away eight years prior (and Solomon knows because in this canon he and MC are childhood friends who made a pact on accident). How would they all react when they see the scars?

Oh, how I love writing requests while also listening/watching teachers do online courses~

---

Lucifer

His first reaction would be shock, then complete rage.

Who dared do something so incredibly cruel to his beloved S/O?!

He would start asking you details, if you knew who did it, if found, could the wings be attached again, if the scars still hurt and countless other questions.

He is not THE most powerful demon Brother for nothing, you know?

He is definitely going to find out the culprit, find your wings, wherever they are, and do anything in his power to put them on your back, as good as new, as if nothing happened.

Demons can do lots of things, and if they can’t do it, he’s sure Simeon will do a little angelic favour to him, for good times’ sake, when they were as good as brothers.

He already lost Lilith, he’s not going to have you in pain, miserable and suffering as well.

---

Mammon

Mammon.exe stopped working.

He’s literally so shocked all he can do for a while is stare at the terrible scars on your back.

What happened? Did they hurt? Were you really okay?

To him, those scars feel like the scars his heart has from all the hate he gets from his brothers.

When you tell him what happened, he feels his heart being crushed and cut up and everything.

He can’t imagine what could you have felt when that happened, and even now, after so many years...

Mammon has lots of connections and knows everything on the market, and despite this not being something he’d search for, now it’s his top priority.

Even his brothers, seeing how serious and desperate he is, will help him out in any way possible (shocked and impressed by his ambition).

After everything is solved, he’d make sure to hug you just a bit tighter, kiss you just a bit longer, make sure he never says anything that may hurt you, even if it meant walking all over his pride and tsundere tendencies...

He’d do anything for you.

---

Leviathan

He’d freak out at first, thinking that someone attacked you, or something bad, and that you’d need medical attention asap.

When you tell him those are old scars, he bites his lip and asks if he can know what happened.

As soon as you tell him what happened, his eyes start to sparkle and he mentions how you were definitely a Magical Girl, and this was just the bad part of your story plot.

He will consult with his brothers to find out if somehow you can glue new wings back or literally anything.

He finds out there is a way to get you new wings and attach them back to their place, so Levi spends all his money to get the most beautiful, sparkly, colourful, magical girl styled wings, making you look like a fairy, and as well as that, he’ll draw you as a magical girl and as yourself, undercover, draw your magical girl weapon and will literally create a whole universe about you, that will eventually turn into a manga series, and an anime.

He will obviously make himself the love interest of you, the protagonist, and every emotions and words he’s too shy to express out loud, will definitely be shown in the manga.

---

Satan

Oh boy, this one will literally burn with anger - Flames and cinder around him and all that.

He will bite his lip in anger, trying his best not to manifest his wrath in front of you, while he gingerly touched the scars left on your skin.

He will be restless until he gets to torture the living hell out of the fucker who dared do something so gruesome to you, and when he’s done, he’ll make sure his soul gets to hell and will personally attend to his eternal agony.

When he’s done for the day, he won’t get back to you until he found YOUR wings, and got them to their rightful state, pristine clean and healthy, just as new, as if they never left your back.

Satan will go through all magic books he has to get the wings on your back perfectly, painless, even enchant them to look even cooler, in any way you like.

When everything is back to normal, Satan would love to touch your wings, massage your back and watch your flutter them around, seeing the happiness in your eyes as you finally felt free.

---Asmodeus

Asmo would feel angry and upset that something like that had to happened to his beautiful, beloved S/O.

He would hug you tightly, trying to comfort you, not caring that it happened years ago or that it doesn’t hurt anymore.

No, Asmo is going to cuddle you, stroke your hair, kiss you all over your face and say all the sweetest and soothing words that only you will ever have the privilege to hear.

Of course, he wouldn’t just sit still, he will take Satan and look everywhere for the prettiest wings, while he has a picture of you on his D.D.D. to make sure the the height, colour, lengths, texture, weight of the wings are going to match you perfectly.

You’re his angel, no matter what.

He’s gonna take an infinite amount of professional pictures of you, different outfits, different backgrounds, different places, different hairstyles, different makeups, so he’d give you the confidence, because you are perfect from head to toe.

---Beelzebub

He’d be shocked to hear that, and in a way, he will project this whole situation to his problem with Lilith.

Don’t get me wrong, he won’t see you as Lilith, but he blames himself for Lilith’s death, and he feels like, now that he has the opportunity to save you and bring you back your wings, it would mean, in a way, that he finally did something right for his loved one and he can forgive himself.

Your happiness and well-being are all that matter to him.

That night, he will hold you close to his chest, almost afraid that you would somehow disappear, or break, like a porcelain doll, so beautiful, yet so fragile.

Beel will ask for Belphie’s help and insight on the issue, and as soon as he finds a remedy, he will take out his laptop and show you wings online, letting you choose whichever you like most, or which one you think would look the most like the ones you had.

His heart will flutter with relief and happiness when you finally have your new wings and he gets to attach them on your back, seeing them fuse with your body.

Beel will stare at you in awe at how majestic you look, and will get in his demon form, hugging you tightly to his chest, kissing your head, a soft smile on his face.

He finally did the right thing.

---

Belphegor

Fucking humans!

How dare they do something so atrocious to you?!

How could they hurt you and Lilith, the ones he loved the most in this life?!

Needless to say, Belphie would be incredibly angry and will take immediate action.

Avatar of Sloth? No more.

Avatar of You’reFuckingDead.

He’ll go to the end of the world to burn that bastard alive, make sure he realises how much he screwed up, messing with HIS S/O...

He lowkey contemplates destroying the human world again, but knowing you exist and how upset you’d be quickly changes his mind, which only makes him torture the jerk even more.

When he gets back, he doesn’t hesitate even 1 second before putting your wings on your back and dragging you in front of the mirror, fixing them, before hugging your from behind in his Demon form and wrapping his tail protectively around you, resting his chin on the top of your head.

Seeing the mirror’s reflection, he vows to never let anything ever come anywhere close to making you upset.

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smol-jinyoungie96 · 3 years ago

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The Devil Judge - Episode 8 (so many questions)

This episode has left me emotionally scarred and with far too many questions.

So many.

Something that made my heart hurt is that Kang Yohan didn’t take Ga On directly back to the car, he took him to an open space where he could let out all his pent up emotions and get it done and over with because once they go back and once the game actually starts, there won’t be any time for emotions.

“A system has no chance against power, power can control a system however it likes”

Meaning that, even though the system is established to keep the power even, ultimately the system itself can be manipulated by those in power in their favor and that is what Kang Yohan has seen all his life.

This time when Yohan opens up about his past, the reason why I think he might be telling the truth, or at least what’s relevant, is because of the pure hatred he had in his eyes when he spoke,

Minister Cha, who is the reason why Elijah is confined to the wheelchair, says “I thought so much of my poor boy, who I’d never said a kind word to”

She worries for her son, which as a mother, obviously makes sense. But she didn’t think twice before crushing a little girl to make it out alive and never even bothers to check up on her to see if she survived.

The President says “We share an experience. We know very well how you feel. Why wouldn’t we? We were in the same boat. In the same fire”

True they were in the same fire but they don’t share the same experience. They made it out alive while Kang Yohan lost his brother and left his niece crippled.

“The rest of us must continue his legacy, the property he donated”

They didn’t come to the hospital to mourn his loss with him. They were there to assure him that they would put the money to good use. Because the fear that he would cancel the donations was already there and then a second later, they go on talking about the weather being lovely for a picnic.

None of them were affected while Kang Yohan grew his hatred for them right there.

Kim Ga On’s attentiveness was really something in this episode. Even when he was freaking out about the swapped con artist he still noticed the small details,

1. interaction between the guard and Kang Yohan.

2. During the chant thing they did even though the shot makes it look like he was looking at Ga On, Bambi knows he was staring at someone behind him.

Initially it raises suspicion towards Kang Yohan to say if he changed the guy so he could break Ga On to a point where he has to rely on Yohan.

“To achieve his goal, would he not use another man’s pain”

Even through him being reduced to the point of essentially losing his mind, Kim Ga On still is wary of Yohan at the first half.

Jung Sun Ah becomes more and more devious and crazier every episode. In the last episode she says “we have Mr. Seo” indicating to the viewers that they can rely on him to get them out of the situation but when in reality,

It just meant that his part in her plan had already come to an end.

The public sees that guy as a well wisher for their country. If he dies and takes the blame for it, of course the public will sway.

But it also shows how the rich will wag their tail to whichever side has more of an advantage towards them.

But then Kang Yohan knows about the Public too. When Ga On suggests that they should release a statement denying the video and the allegations, Yohan cuts it off right there.

“This country shows generosity in death”

They will be made out to be the bad guys in the eyes of the public and it’s just instant game over.

The president’s speech during this episode was so similar to the one he gave in the first episode except this time, he is favoring Sun Ah because Kang Yohan isn’t on their side anymore.

Soo Hyun speaking facts!

“He took you there and presented it to you like a magic stick”

1. What is Kang Yohan’s intention?

2. Does Kang Yohan have ulterior motive behind taking Ga On there?

I saw a lot of people worried about Ga On saying “I’ll play along with Kang Yohan and find out more”

But there’s always two possibilities for this,

One being he will actually play along and dig for more information OR he only says it to her to keep her safe because knowingly or unknowingly, Ga On himself is in too deep in whatever plan Yohan has.

Jung Sun Ah showing up in Yohan’s office to flaunt her new position is also just a power play. It only to show him that she is in charge of the live show and that if needed, she is capable to putting the show on a leash.

Coming to Miss Oh Jin Joo

“I’m a judge in this country and a member of this live court show. If you’re going to do things like this hold the trial yourself”

Versus

“If you include me in the live court show, it would be my honor to just to be able to sit next to you”

What she started with and where she is now. Jin Joo and Ga On both started as naive associate judges but now they’ve both clearly grown into something more. The two of them are falling into two different notions of Justice.

But Kang Yohan sees too clearly through Oh Jin Joo’s change. He acknowledges her becoming ambitious as a judge and he most definitely knows where the change came from.

Little Ga On going “you are cutting off people right next to you” does he still not realize that Kang Yohan only has eyes on him?

Kang Yohan already succeeded in splitting up Minister Cha from her group of elites and even she is a little smarter than people give her credit for. She is on to Sun Ah and soon enough Yohan is going to have her where he exactly wants her.

Kang Yohan and Kim Ga On

Yohan is smart. He kept trying to give as little information to Ga On as he could because even though he broke Ga On, Bambi still didn’t choose a side.

Which brings me to the question that appeared in my head the most,

Why is Ga On so important to Yohan?

“Do you have to go this far?”t

“Whether we like it or not, I can’t let him stand behind my back”

“I need to have him on my side or to get rid of him”

Why is Ga On such a big risk factor to him? I understand that Ga On knows too much about Yohan and his plans now for Yohan to let him loose but why is it so important to him to have Bambi on his side?

Ga On saying “it’s my silly imagination” i really don’t think he’s talking about his “theory”. It felt more like a hint towards his broken trust on the law and justice.

Min Jung Ho saying “once a monster is unleashed, it doesn’t know when to stop”

Could it be foreshadowing? Because Ga On is clearly very close to losing it by the middle of the episode and he is still insisting on putting Ga On at a crossfire about betraying Yohan (though at this point I really don’t think it will end well for Ga On is he betrays Yohan)

Kang Yohan taking Ga On to meet his team essentially reveals that he did rig the cases in a certain way but the trials were genuine, which, to a person like Ga On, is more of a battle of morals.

Was it right to punish them by rigging it?

I think this is going to end with Oh Jin Joo and Jung Sun Ah vs. kang Yohan and Kim Ga On.

Kang Yohan and Jung Sun Ah are taking the two associate judges under their wing, both by emotional manipulation with two different intentions.

Sun Ah saying “someone needs to keep their eyes wide open” very similar to what Min Jung Ho said to Ga On in the very beginning.

Again,

WHY IS KIM GA ON SO IMPORTANT TO YOHAN?

“If I needed to, I would have done something even worse, whether it was switching him or something else. That is my method. It is not going to change in the future”

Felt more like a warning to Ga On for me. Once he’s on Yohan’s side there’s no getting out of it.

Lastly, Ga On talking with Min Jung Ho. This part was so interesting!

At first Ga On did everything his mentor asked him for and now he directly fires questions right back and he is finally blaming the authorities for not doing their jobs right.

Something that highlighted for me was Ga On saying “you should have done better” not “we”

He says it in past tense. He’s already given up on being faithful to the norms of justice.

Yohan knew that Ga On was going to meet Min Jung Ho, he picked him right away and!

Kim Ga On started with Min Jung Ho and this shot somehow made me think that they’re showing how,

he’s breaking away from Min Jung Ho,

to team up with Yohan.

Bambi chose his side.

But Ga On is not all about the revenge. Yet.

It felt like a deal between the two of them. Yohan helps him find out the truth about his parents and in return, Ga On stays with him.

There are still things that Ga On doesn’t know about Yohan but now that Yohan successfully broke him and took him under his wing, Ga On wouldn’t be able to leave even if he wanted to.

May be that’s why he is such a big risk factor. Ga On knows too much for Yohan to lose him now.

Every episode kills me more and more 😭

I can’t wait for the next episode!

But hey! Look at these two shots!

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sazc94 · 4 years ago

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Bad Idea, a Bucky Fanfic

A/N Sensitive themes including injury, smut and kidnapping/suggestions of abuse. 18+ Also I'm still new at this so any feedback is appreciated.

Requested by @lannycleave

Prologue Part 2

Words: 3153

Part 1

6 Months ago: NYC Avengers Tower.

You rocked up to the tower with a duffle bag, Natasha had text you to say they had a mission for you, and it would be a 3 day one so to bring clothes. You were an agent of S.H.E.I.L.D not an Avenger. That being said Sometimes when agents were needed you got to go along on their missions thanks to your Friendship with Miss Romanoff and America’s golden boy Steve Rogers. The rest of the time you were on your own missions or helping to train new recruits.

“Hey Y/N, long time no see, did Mr. Roboto scare you off” Joked Sam as he clapped you on your back. You weren’t as good as FitzSimmons when it came to tech, but you held your own, you’d recently helped Sam with some upgrades to Red Wing, that was when you’d been introduced to The Winter Soldier, Sargent Bucky Barnes. You couldn’t help but stare at him when you met him, he was just so, well hot to put it bluntly.

Of course, he had barely acknowledged your existence other than polite conversation before he got called away to a mission.

“Ha, if anyone was going to scare me off it would be you with your creepy obsession with red wing” you winked at Sam before taking a bite of the apple you had swiped from the fruit bowl. Before Sam even had chance to think of a comeback, Tony walked into the communal dining/living area, followed closely by Nat and Steve. Nat nodded her head in the direction of the small briefing room. “That’s my cue” you smiled at Sam before following along.

“Agent Y/N, good to see you again, as your aware we require your assistance for a mission, I’ve been given clearance from Commander Hill, and you come highly recommended from the team. I’ve seen you in action in the training rooms and you seem like a capable candidate,” Said Tony. Your eyebrows shot up, it appeared Tony was running point on this mission, not unusual for the Avengers sure, but all your previous missions with the Avengers had been overseen by Nick Fury or more recently Commander Hill.

“This mission is off the books, I got the intel from Morgan actually, we have reason to believe there is a small cartel family, trafficking young children to Hydra” Tony continued.

“Morgan noticed a new kid at school, acting suspicious, they reminded her of how Uncle Bucky, and Steve are when lifting heavy things” Said Steve. “Morgan said they joined her class out of know where, quietly slipping in as if they’d been in her class all along, then a week later, they stopped showing up.” Concluded Steve.

“So, why do you need me?” You asked. At that moment, the door to meeting room opened and in walked Bucky, he didn’t move to sit down instead pressing himself into the corner of at the back the room. “We need intel” Said Nat. “Basically we need someone who’s not recognizable like me, but is someone we trust, and Y/N if Steve and I trust you then that’s good enough for Tony”. She continued. “Intel, right I can do that, so what’s the plan and where am I going” you asked.

“We’re going to Boston” said Bucky, your eyebrows shot up, you had presumed you were going by yourself. “I may not be The Winter Soldier anymore, but I can still remember some hotspots for HYDRA activity and Boston is their most obvious choice as a few higher ups from HYDRA own property out there” he continued.

“Y/N, we know we are asking a lot of you here, but we trust Bucky to keep this under wraps and we trust you,” Said Tony.

So that was how you ended up in Boston in the middle of October in a small one-bedroom apartment with Mr. Bucky Barnes. There was a fold out couch which Bucky took and left you the bedroom. You had been given Three days to gather as much intel as possible before reporting back to Tony, Steve and Nat on day 4

. Day one had been a bust, you and Bucky had split off to follow separate trails, your paths meeting at the same spot where the trail had gone cold. Day two had gone much better, as your paths had already crossed once you both decided to work on the same lead. Stark had been on to something with the human trafficking, you tracked a lot of vehicle traffic coming into an old gym/leisure center.

Day 3 was when everything changed. You had agreed with Bucky that he would stay back at the apartment whilst you tried to get into the building, you couldn’t risk Bucky being discovered by Hydra and whilst you knew what intel you already had would be a huge lead for Nat and the rest you decided you had come this far you might as well try and see inside.

“You promise you’ll get out of there the second you feel like you’re in danger?” Bucky asked. “Stark might trust me to keep this under wraps but that doesn’t necessarily mean he trusts me and if anything happens to you, I’m sure he’ll find a way to blame me” Bucky said, his blue eyes flickered over with confliction and pain. Before this mission you hadn’t really had much interaction with Bucky, but you could tell he regretted his actions as The Winter Soldier. I put your hand on Bucky’s Vibrainium arm and smiled at him softly.

“ I solemnly swear that I am up to no good, but if I’m about to get caught I will high tail it out of there” you said. (Spoiler alert you didn’t)

“For Fucks Sake Y/N!” Bucky shouted slamming the apartment door shut behind him, he looked pissed, like really pissed. His usually clear blue eyes had thundered over, turning them a deeper shade of blue almost black.

You’d had every intention of getting out of the building if you felt you were in trouble, but then you’d gotten cocky thinking that this could lead to a promotion, even if the mission were off the books if Tony Stark and Steve Rogers were impressed with your work then that would mean something.

Unfortunately, this attitude had nearly cost you the mission. You had let your guard down and not only that you had actually fallen down. You had been creeping along a ledge outside what appeared to be a makeshift infirmary on the first floor. You head voices coming from two windows along and had inched further to try and get a clearer listen, however you hadn’t realized the brick was in poor condition and had already started to crumble away from the wall. T

hat was the moment you knew you’d fucked up because you went barreling down. Thankfully, there was a balcony to break your fall or else you’d have done some serious damage. You also hadn’t exactly been quiet as you fell down the face of the wall, so you didn’t exactly stick around, you snapped a few pictures of the building entrance from the balcony, hearing the voices around the building getting louder you decided to jump from the balcony to the ground floor and just hightail it out of there.

“I know, I know I fucked up” you bellowed. You were in pretty rough shape and you’d had to text Bucky 911 when you were a safe distance from the gym. “I let my guard down thinking I could get enough intel to finally get a promotion within S.H.E.I.L.D or at least get enough recognition to be considered for a position within Avengers” you continued.

The black turtleneck shirt you were wearing was starting to stick to your side. You headed to the bedroom desperate to get the top off. “I don’t need you telling me how badly I fucked up” you shouted slamming the bedroom door behind you.

“Fuck” you hissed, you were in pain and felt utterly humiliated. You pushed your palms into your eyes to stop yourself crying. With a deep breath you whipped of your shirt, deciding to treat it like a band aid and that ripping it of would be better than an agonizing slow peel.

You were bleeding, thankfully not an amount that would require medical attention but enough that you were going to have to put some gauze over it. You really didn’t want to ask Bucky for help so decided to be a martyr instead and clean yourself up in the mirror using the first aid supplies you had packed into your duffle bag.

Thirty minutes later you were admiring your handy work and the feeling pretty pleased with your hard work when Bucky knocked on the door, he didn’t wake for you to respond before opening the door. “Look Y/N I know…” Bucky’s voice trailed off as you stood there in your underwear, in your anger and rush you hadn’t locked the door.

Everything in that moment seemed to go in slow motion as you went to grab a jumper off the bed at the exact moment Bucky’s eyes trailed your body taking in all the scrapes, cuts and injuries on your body. He knew you’d been injured but not to this extent.

“Y/N…” Bucky’s clear blue eyes had thundered over again this time a mixture of anger, concern and (all though you didn’t know it) lust swirled in them. You went to pull your jumper over your head but before you could even pull it on over your arm’s Bucky had closed the distance between you, pinning you to the wall with one arm above your head and the other to your side. You felt your breath catch in your throat, even though he was clearly pissed you liked the feel of him pressed against you.

“It’s not as bad as it looks, I cleaned myself up and patched it up fine, we don’t need to tell Nat about it”, you said turning your head away from him, you were protecting your reputation as much as his. Bucky’s eyes softened, loosening the grip on your arms just a touch, you felt a delectable burning sensation where his pressure had eased.

You could feel yourself growing farm under Bucky’s gaze. You’d fantasized about a moment like this since you’d met him that day helping Sam out, sure you’d imagined it would have been under better circumstances and he would have also had less clothing on. Suddenly all you could think about was how much you wanted Bucky. Bucky seemed to sense the change in your demeanor as he gulped. His eyes met yours.

“We shouldn’t… we really shouldn’t” he said his voice coming out at barely a whisper. “Oh, but we should” you said a sly grin on your face. Before Bucky even had time to respond you were kissing him. Bucky’s lips parted slightly welcoming your kiss, deepening it as your tongues crashed against each other.

Bucky released the grip on your arms as his hands danced their way down your body, the contrast between the cool metal arm dragging down your right side to the way his right arm left a blazing trail down your left side. Bucky crushed himself against you as your fingers tangled in his brown hair. You couldn’t help but moan as you felt Bucky’s hard cock pressed against you restricted by his jeans and underwear.

How you longed to reach out and grab his cock and release it from his jeans. Bucky was taking this torturously slow fingering the waistband of your underwear, leaving a trail of blazing hot kisses along your neck.

His cool Vibrainium arm cupped your ass. Something in you snapped and you decided you couldn’t wait any longer, so your hand moved to Bucky’s waistband. Before you could even undo the button on his jeans Bucky had your arms pinned above your head with his Vibrainium arm. He chuckled.

“My my, my, impatient little thing aren’t we” he said between kisses. “You should know by now Y/N I’m the one in charge here, that goes for the bedroom as well as the mission” he said, before you could even process what he’d just said Bucky pushed his hand down the front of your underwear Bucky shoved two fingers in making you gasp at the shock, the pain and how good it felt to have Bucky warm fingers inside you. You whined as Bucky’s fingers did nothing. He let out a slight moan.

“Holy fuck you’re dripping already, just from a few light kisses, just how long have you been imagining a moment like this” he asked. When you didn’t answer Bucky flicked his thumb over your clit sending shivers down your spine, you let out a moan.

“Don’t make me ask again Y/N” said Bucky. “So, so long, since I met you” You said between gulps as Bucky started gently pulsing his fingers in and out of you. Your admission seems to stir a hunger in Bucky, has his thumb finds its way back to your bud, Bucky gently swipes his rough thumb over it, making you whimper, suddenly he’s pushing his two fingers into hard and fast whilst his thumb swipes ferocious circles on your now throbbing bud, your hands clawing at Bucky back.

You feel your cunt tighten round his fingers. Your so close and Bucky can tell. Which only encourages him as he pushes a third finger inside you slowing his pace right down back to slow agonizing strokes. You’re putty in his hands and he knows it.

“You’re only allowed to cum when I say so Y/N” he says as his pace quickens once again, hitting that sweet spot. You had never been so fucking turned on before, but the way Bucky’s fingers played you like a fiddle and had you dripping was something else. It was taking everything in you to hold back your orgasm.

Suddenly just as you felt like you couldn’t hold back any longer and your legs were about to give out Bucky withdrew his fingers, you instantly felt empty. However, you didn’t have to wait long, as Bucky sank down onto his knees, pulling your legs up over his shoulders.

“Now what did I say Y/N?” he asked as he started peppering kisses and gentle bites along the inside of your things. You could barely think straight, and the sudden change had you gasping from the shock and delight.

“I – I’m only allowed to cum when you say so” you stuttered. “Good girl” he replied before picking you up by your thighs. You thought he would have perhaps moved to the bed, but no Bucky pushed your back up against the wall, standing tall with you sat on his shoulders with one hand still holding you up he removed your underwear which was soaked and took one slow lick up your slit, his tongue gentle yet rough at the same time.

“Fuck. Bucky” you hissed. Your eyes fluttered close. “Mm that’s right doll, you just enjoy the ride” he chuckled before he started licking at your bud, Bucky’s pace was frantic like he couldn’t get enough of you, you felt like every single nerve in your body was on fire. You could feel yourself getting close still sensitive from the feel of Bucky’s rough fingers pumping you. You weren’t used to being denied your orgasm, hell most of your escapades had very rarely even managed to get you one orgasm let alone deny you it.

“Please Bucky,” you whispered hands tangled in his hair you weren’t sure how much longer you would hold out. Bucky didn’t respond instead slowing his pace right down again his tongue dragged across your hypersensitive bud you opened your eyes to find Bucky’s blue eyes dark with hunger and lust staring straight at you as a small smirk tugged on his lips, it was almost as if he was staring straight into to your soul.

With Bucky’s tongue still slowly swiping your bud Bucky entered one finger into you, curling up to hit that magic spot, Bucky’s rough finger combined with the licking and sucking was almost too much and just as you felt like you couldn’t take any more….

“Y/N cum for me” said Bucky, that was all it took and suddenly you were screaming his name as you felt your orgasm crash over you, wave after wave as your cunt pulsed round Bucky’s finger.Bucky lowered you from the wall onto the bed, your chest heaving as you caught your breath. Keeping his eyes on you Bucky popped the button on his jeans and unzipped them shimmying them along with his boxers down his body. His cock sprang out and you couldn’t help but lick your lips, it was magnificent, and you wanted nothing more for it to fill you.

However, Bucky had other ideas first. He leant down and pulled you towards the end of the bed when he straightened up you were at eye level with his waste, Bucky noticed the glazed look in your eyes and how transfixed you were with his dick, he chuckled all though the look you were giving was shooting straight to his cock, he was going to enjoy all you had to offer and make you work for it if you wanted his dick to pound your insides.

Bucky nudged your mouth open with his cock, you parted your lips and Bucky slowly pushed his cock into your mouth he was bigger than you realized and it took you a moment to adjust you took a breath and then slowly you dragged your tongue all the way up his shaft, lazily sucking his length you brought your and up to the base of his shaft moving in tandem with your mouth, your pace started to quicken hollowing your cheeks. Bucky moaned.

“Fuck Y/N you look so pretty with my cock in your mouth, so fucking pretty” Bucky said tangling his Vibrainium hand in your hair whilst his right had gripped your shoulder, Bucky bucked his hips fucking your mouth. You drew your head back and licked his throbbing dick with little gentle kitten like licks before taking him back in all his glory into your mouth. Just then your phone rang you were going to ignore it until Bucky’s started ringing from the front room, Bucky seemed to snap out of whatever haze had taken him over and removed his cock from your mouth and quickly pulled up his boxers and jeans before walking out of the bedroom avoiding your gaze the entire time.

You felt your heart plummet and tears started to gather in the corner of your eyes, you furiously swiped at them taking a deep breath before getting up to answer your phone. Tony’s name flashed up on the caller id.

“Tony…” you said

#bucky barnes #bucky barnes fanfiction #bucky barnes smut #bucky x reader #avengers fanfiction #bucky x y/n #avengers

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trashmenofmarvel · 4 years ago

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Branded - Chapter 36

Pairing: Demon!Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky tries to convince you why this is the only option.

(This is a fan AU of Falling’s Just Another Way to Fly by araniaart . Please check out this incredible series for all of your demon Bucky needs.)

Chapter Warnings: Heavy angst, dissociation, past references to abuse/torture, grief

AO3

It was like you were in a dream. Or more accurately, a nightmare.

Bucky had taken you to a secluded room, one that looked suspiciously like the room you’d stayed in before, and he tried to explain why this was the best option. Why putting him into some magical fridge would temporarily negate the bond.

You could barely listen to him. Couldn’t even look at him. You couldn’t believe this was really happening. It was too sudden, too fast, he hadn’t even talked to you about it. He’d just made the decision on his own, and it was too late to take it back now.

At first came the anger. The rotting, bitter rage that he would do this to you. Betray you. Leave you again when he promised not to. You wanted to scream all of that at him, but you didn’t. You let him know in a low, flat tone just how hurt you were, and his sorrowful expression only made you angrier. What right did he have to feel sad when he was the one who’d done this?!

Once the rage bled out of you, you tried to reason with Bucky. Told him to think, to really think about it. How did they know it would work? That you wouldn’t drop dead as soon as the bond was severed?

Bucky explained, much too calmly and reasonably, that he’d been through something similar before and why he knew it would be safe.

That was also how you found out about Steve.

“Back during the war, he… he rescued me from HYDRA,” Bucky said, chewing his lip nervously. “They’d started the ritual to turn me into a demon not long before that. Zola hadn’t had time to enslave me with a bond, and when Steve was untying me, he was hurt. He bled on the open wounds on my chest, carved there as part of the ritual. Apparently, that was enough to complete what they’d started… and make Steve my first master.”

You didn’t say anything as you listened. You were sitting on the bed, hugging your knees to your chest as Bucky sat in a nearby armchair. You were too upset to want to be touched, but at the same time, you missed it so much. Missed the effortless affection when you’d been in Boston.

The yearning twisted in your gut at his next words.

“The urges came soon after that. I tried to resist them. Tried to sate the hunger by picking up girls at the bars, whenever we had time to stop in a town. It didn’t work, not like it does with you, because I was a… a succubus then.” He shifted in discomfort, his expression flushed with shame. “Finally gave in and hooked up with a guy. It was exactly what I needed, and I hated it. Or rather, I hated that it made me confront things about myself that were already true before Zola got ahold of me. Things you were supposed to keep hidden away in shame back then.”

He looked down at his claws, glaring at them angrily as if they were to blame. You remained quiet, curious and afraid of where this tale was going.

“I looked normal back then, so it was easier to hide what was happening to me. And then I got involved in a pretty scary situation, a bunch of guys cornered me in an alley. The pheromones took over and I let them all…just…” He cut off his words with a shake of his head. “Right after, that’s when I grew my tail. Not as big as it is now, but I was hysterical, anyway. Tried to cut it off. Did cut it off, actually, and it grew right back. I didn’t understand that large wounds like that will induce a heat.”

Bucky licked his lips, his shoulders hunched and tense. You wished so badly to touch him, but you didn’t.

“I was starving, in agony, and there was no one else around to help… but Steve.”

Something clicked into place, and suddenly it was like you could see one of those 3D eye-puzzles where the image was always out of sight until you focused just right. Bucky’s affection when talking about his friend, the haunted look in his eyes, it all made sense now.

“Steve saw the tail, I was in no damn condition to hide it, and the pheromones kicked in bad. I tried to fight it, but he said he wanted to help, so… I gave in. Didn’t have a choice at the time, but he kept helping me after that. I didn’t want to admit to myself that I’d had feelings for Steve long before then, and… God, this is not the way I wanted to tell you.” He gave a bitter laugh, and this time you did reach out and put your hand over his.

Bucky looked up at you, his eyes glass and red, and you squeezed his hand tighter.

“I’m glad he was there for you, Bucky.” And you meant it, too. You couldn’t imagine how terrified he’d been, his body rebelling against him, tormenting him until he was forced to have sex—

Or, maybe you could imagine it. You could imagine it, which was why you were suddenly so grateful to have Bucky there when you were scared and in pain. And you were glad Steve had been that person for Bucky.

Bucky’s expression softened as he whispered, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You interlaced your fingers with his. “Really glad. He seems like a great guy.”

“He is.” Bucky’s faint smile faded and the haunted look returned. “For a while, we were actually happy. We were in the middle of a war, part of a special unit trying to track down more of HYDRA’s occult labs, but we had each other and… I should have known it wouldn’t last.

“We were on a mission to retrieve Zola when it all went wrong. I fell from the train… and the Soviet branch of HYDRA found me.” Bucky’s expression darkened further, his lips pulling back from his sharp teeth. “I was in and out of conscious as they worked on the arm I lost, but I woke up during the surgery. I could feel Steve, hurting, dying. I found out later he’d plunged into the ice. Not dead, but… the bond was broken enough that I could be bonded to someone else. And I was.”

Bucky’s features twisted into bitterness as he looked down at your interlaced fingers.

“So my point is, no. It won’t kill you. But I won’t lie and say it won’t hurt. Because it’s gonna hurt like hell, and I’m sorry you’ll have to endure it.”

“Then—why do it at all?” you pled as you slid forward on the bed, sitting on its edge as you tightly gripped his hand. “If the bond is that dangerous, then we can stay here. They can monitor us and make sure no one can get hurt.”

Bucky shook his head before you’d stopped speaking.

“What kind of life is that? Keeping you trapped in this place like a prison. What would you tell your mom? Your sister?”

Eyes stinging, you looked away, hot shame now mixed in with your lingering, ever-present anger.

“That’s low, Bucky.”

“You have a life. You deserve to have a life.” He scoffed and for the first time finally sounded angry. He stood up, dropping your hand in the process, his tail twitching as he paced the floor in front of you. “How did you think this would end, realistically? That we’d get our happily ever after and go live in a two-story house with a white picket fence? Maybe a dog and two-point-five kids?”

Directed at you or not, you weren’t going to let that go unchallenged.

“What if I did?” you snapped, standing up from the bed. “Would that have been so bad? Maybe we could have made it work, but we’ll never know because you didn’t even try!”

He rounded on you and your heart leapt in your throat as you stumbled back. But Bucky didn’t do much more than glare.

“I am doing this… for you.”

“You’re doing this because you’re afraid!” you shot back.

“You’re goddamn right I’m afraid!”

He immediately closed his eyes and took a deep breath, curling his fists and releasing them. You stood completely rigid, barely breathing yourself.

Like a flower wilting, his shoulders sagged, curled wings drooping. Even his tail hung limp behind his legs.

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have yelled.” He walked up to you, carefully keeping space between you. It hurt. “But this is the right thing to do. I regret I had to do it this way, without talking to you about it, but ultimately… it was my responsibility.”

“But—“

“This isn’t a romance, sweetheart. This is captivity.” Bucky met your eye and didn’t look away. “No matter how much I wish otherwise, we can’t be in a relationship when neither of us has the option to leave it.”

The words cut through the middle of your chest life a knife. Because nothing cut as deep as the truth.

You turned away and hugged your arms tightly around yourself, as if warding off a chill or protecting yourself. That’s what it certainly felt like. Shielding yourself from the pain blooming in your chest like a flower of daggers.

Bucky’s voice was close and low behind you, but still he didn’t touch you.

“I’ve spent the last two days getting things… prepared. I know this will be difficult for you and I didn’t want to leave you all alone, so I… reached out to Steve.”

You slowly turned back around.

“You… what?”

“Strange had his number.” Bucky dipped his hands into his pockets, pointedly avoiding eye contact. “When I called, Steve was shocked, to say the least. And then angry, which, I’m sure you can relate to.”

You shook your head, more to clear it than as actual response. Bucky reaching out to Steve was a huge deal, especially now that you knew the depth of their past relationship. You couldn’t even imagine how difficult that must have been for him.

“What… what did he say? What did you tell him? How much does he know?”

“Everything.” Bucky’s smile was brief and unhappy. “It’s why it took two days. We had a lot to talk about. He’s… mostly okay with it now. Just pissed. Not at you, of course. At me for not letting him know I’ve been alive all this time.”

As if in afterthought, Bucky rubbed his jaw.

“Bastard sure hits a lot harder than when he was scrawny.” At your concerned frown, he added, “Look, a sucker-punch to the face is the least I deserve, even if that bastard does hit like a truck these days.”

“Bucky…”

“My point is, I asked Steve to check up on you when I’m—“

“No.” You shook her head vehemently and grabbed him by the jacket. “No, stop talking like that. You’re not doing this. I won’t let you do this! You are not throwing your life away because of me!”

He wrapped his fingers over yours, his smile so sad it hurt.

“My chance at a good life was taken away from me a long time ago. It’s not too late for you. When this is all said and done, you can go back to your old life. You’ll have Steve to talk to, now that he knows who you are, and I know Davin will be there for you too.”

“Davin?” You wrinkled your nose. “Why would you bring up Davin?”

“Because he’s a good kid.”

You eyed him, wanting to say something scathing and sarcastic, but the way he was rubbing his thumb across the back of your hand was very distracting.

“I thought you didn’t like him,” you finally said.

“Okay, I admit,” Bucky said with a grimace, “I was more of a hard ass than I needed to be. I didn’t know the guy. I thought he was just some young punk who would run his mouth the first chance he got.”

He looked down and released a slow inhale.

“I was wrong. You know the whole erasing memories thing I can do?”

You blinked at the abrupt change of subject, but nodded slowly.

“Yes.”

“Well…” He released one of your hands to run his fingers through his hair, wings slightly shuffling behind him. “After we brought you and Davin here, I went and tracked down every human that was in contact with the heigore, before and after it had possessed your friend. I took away the memories that showed evidence he was acting odd. That’s what I was doing while you were at the Sanctum. When I was gone those few days.”

“Oh.” You remembered that time very clearly. The loneliness, the fear of abandonment. The boredom that had inevitably led you to follow Monster into the vault. You shivered.

“I was going to do the same to Davin. Erase the memories that the heigore was ever there. I can’t change memories, and the large gap in his memory wouldn’t have been good either, so Strange was going to give him the suggestion that he’d been very sick. But your friend, when I asked him if that’s what he wanted to do? He said no.”

Bucky slightly tilted his head brow dipped and his tail twitching with unease.

“He said, ‘If she has to remember it, then so will I. I don’t want her to have to live with it all alone.’”

Davin had said that? You were touched, really. But…

“Yeah, Davin is a good guy. And I’m sure Steve is too. But they’re not you, Bucky.”

“I know.” It was there in his eyes, quiet resolve. He wasn’t going to change his mind. You were going to lose him, and there was nothing you could do or say to change it.

“When?”

He didn’t have to ask what you meant.

“Tomorrow. Three PM.”

New Year’s Eve. You were going to lose Bucky just in time for the world to celebrate a new beginning.

That’s when the sorrow wormed its way into your heart. It weighed on your shoulders like gravity, and you didn’t know how you could stand. The conversation was over, and you were left with a blank numbness that felt uncomfortably close to dissociation.

You wouldn’t eat. You refused to go home. The wizards allowed you to stay the night without much of a fuss, and you couldn’t even give them a thank you.

Bucky stayed with you through your detached state. He held your hand, rubbed your back, tried to assure you that everything would be fine. You didn’t say a word.

He tried to get you to sleep but you just lay curled on your side, trying to make yourself small enough to disappear. It wasn’t until about 5 in the morning that there was some stirring of life in you. You crawled over on top of Bucky and buried your face in his neck.

Breathing you in, Bucky hugged you tightly, wrapping his wings around you and created a safe, protective bubble just for the two of you. Only then, did you allow yourself to cry.

Next Chapter

#branded #bucky barnes x reader #demon!bucky barnes #demon!bucky x reader #past stucky #bucky barnes fanfiction #my fanfiction #my writing

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penbalfour · 4 years ago

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Chapter One (x)

“Lower your swords,” Queen Eloana commanded, her hair shining a glossy onyx in the sun as she sank onto one knee. The raw emotion pouring out of her seeped into the temple floors of the Chamber of Nyktos, bitter and hot, tasting of anguish and a helpless sort of anger. It stretched out toward me, needling my skin and brushing against this…primal thing inside me. “And bow before the…before the last descendent of the most ancient ones. She who carries the blood of the King of Gods within her. Bow before your new Queen.”

The blood of the King of Gods? Your new Queen? None of that made sense. Not her words or when she had removed her crown.

A too-thin breath scorched my throat as I looked at the man standing beside the Queen of Atlantia. The crown was still upon the King’s golden-haired head, but the bones had remained a bleached white. Nothing like the gleaming, gilded one the Queen had placed at the feet of the statue of Nyktos. My gaze skipped over the terrible, broken things scattered about the once pristine, white floors. I’d done that to them, adding their blood to what had fallen from the sky, filling the thin fissures in the marble. I didn’t look at that or anyone else—every part of my being focused on him.

He remained on one knee, staring up at me from between the vee of the swords he’d crossed over his chest. His damp hair, blue-black in the Atlantian sunlight, curled against the sandy-hued skin of his forehead. Red streaked those high, angular cheekbones, the proud curve of his jaw, and ran down lips that had once shattered my heart. Lips that had pieced those broken shards back together with the truth. Bright, golden eyes locked with mine, and even bowed before me, so motionless I wasn’t sure he breathed, he still reminded me of one of the wild and strikingly beautiful cave cats I’d once seen caged in Queen Ileana’s palace as a child.

He had been many things to me. A stranger in a dimly lit room who’d been my first kiss. A guard who had sworn to lay down his life for mine. A friend who had looked beyond the veil of the Maiden to truly see me underneath, who’d handed me a sword to protect myself instead of forcing me into a gilded cage. A legend cloaked in darkness and nightmares that had plotted to betray me. A Prince of a kingdom believed to have been lost to time and war, who had suffered unimaginable horrors and yet managed to find the pieces of who he used to be. A brother who would do anything, commit any deed to save his family. His people. A man who bared his soul and stripped open his heart to me—and only me.

My first.

My guard.

My friend.

My betrayer.

My partner.

My husband.

My heartmate.

My everything.

Casteel Da’Neer bowed before me and stared up at me as if I were the only person in the entire kingdom. I didn’t need to concentrate like before to know what he was feeling. Everything he felt was wide-open to me. His emotions were a kaleidoscope of ever-shifting tastes—cool and tart, heavy and spicy, and sweet like chocolate-dipped berries. Those unyieldingly firm and unrelentingly tender lips parted, revealing just the hint of sharp fangs.

“My Queen,” he breathed, and those two smoky words soothed my skin. The lilt of his voice quelled the ancient thing inside me that wanted to take the anger and the fear radiating from all the others and twist it, turn it back, truly give them something to fear, and add to the shattered things thrown about the floor. One side of his lips curled up, and a deep dimple appeared in his right cheek.

Dizzy with relief at the sight of that infuriatingly stupid—and adorable—dimple, my entire body shuddered. I feared that when he saw what I’d done, he’d be afraid. And I couldn’t blame him for that. What I’d done should terrify anyone, but not Casteel. The heat that turned his eyes the color of warmed honey told me that fear was very much the furthest thing from his mind. Which was also a little disturbing. But he was the Dark One, whether he liked being called that or not.

Some of the shock faded, and the pounding adrenaline eased. And when it left, I realized I hurt. My shoulder and the side of my head throbbed. The left side of my face felt puffy, and that had nothing to do with the old scars there. A dull ache pulsed in my legs and arms, and my body felt funny, as if my knees were weakening. I swayed in the warm, salty breeze—

Casteel rose quickly, and I shouldn’t have been surprised by how fast he moved, but I still was. In a heartbeat, he’d gone from kneeling to standing, a foot closer to me, and several things happened at once.

The men and women behind Casteel’s parents, the ones wearing the same white tunics and loose pants of those lying on the floor, also moved. Light reflected off the golden armbands adorning their biceps as they lifted their swords, shifting closer to Casteel’s parents, protecting them. Some reached for crossbows strapped to their backs. They had to be guards of some sort.

A sudden growl of warning came from the largest wolven I’d ever seen. Kieran and Vonetta’s father stood to my right. Jasper had officiated the marriage between Casteel and me in Spessa’s End. He’d been there when Nyktos showed his approval by briefly turning day to night. But now, the steel-hued wolven’s lips peeled back, baring teeth that could tear through flesh and break bone. He was loyal to Casteel, and yet instinct told me that it wasn’t just the guards he warned.

Another snarl came from my left. In the shadows of the blood tree that had sprouted from where my blood had fallen and grown to a massive height within seconds, a fawn-colored wolven crept into my line of sight, head dipped low, and wintery blue eyes iridescent. Kieran. He stared down Casteel. I didn’t understand why either of them would behave this way toward the Prince, but especially Kieran. He had been bonded to Casteel from birth, meant to obey and protect him at all costs. But he was more than a bonded wolven to Casteel. They were brothers, if not by blood then by friendship, and I knew they loved each other.

Right now, nothing about the way Kieran’s ears were pinned back was loving.

Unease skipped its way through me as Kieran sank down, the sleek muscles of his legs tensing as he prepared to attack…Casteel.

My stomach plummeted. This wasn’t right. None of this was right. “No,” I rasped, my voice hoarse and barely recognizable, even to my ears.

Kieran didn’t appear to hear me or care. If he had been acting normally, I would’ve just assumed he was attempting to ignore me, but this was different. He was different. His eyes were brighter than I ever remembered seeing, and they weren’t right because they…they weren’t just blue now. His pupils glowed silvery-white, an aura that seeped out in wispy tendrils across the blue. My head jerked to Jasper. His eyes had changed, too. I’d seen that strange light before. It had been what my skin had done when I healed Beckett’s broken legs—the same silvery glow that had radiated from me minutes earlier.

Icy bursts of surprise raced through Casteel as he eyed the wolven, and then I felt…relief radiate from him.

“You all knew.” Casteel’s voice filled with awe, something no one standing behind him felt. Even the easy grin was absent from the auburn-haired Atlantian. Emil looked at us with wide eyes, broadcasting a healthy dose of fear, as did Naill, who had always appeared utterly unfazed by everything—even when he’d been outnumbered in battle.

Casteel slowly sheathed his swords at his sides. Hands empty, he kept them down. “You all knew something was happening to her. That’s why….” He trailed off, his jaw hardening.

Several of the guards moved to the front of the King and Queen, surrounding them fully—

A shock of white fur shot forward. Delano tucked his tail back as he pawed at the marble. He lifted his head and howled. The eerie yet beautiful sound raised the tiny hairs all over my body.

Off in the distance, the faint sounds of yips and barks answered, growing louder with each second. The leaves on the tall, cone-shaped trees separating the temple from Saion’s Cove trembled as a rolling rumble echoed from the ground below. Blue-and-yellow-winged birds took flight from the trees, scattering to the sky.

“Godsdamn.” Emil turned to the temple steps. He reached for the swords at his sides. “They’re summoning the whole damn city.”

“It’s her.” The deep scar slicing across the older wolven’s forehead stood out starkly. Potent disbelief rolled off Alastir as he stood just outside the circle of guards who’d formed around Casteel’s parents.

“It is not her,” Casteel shot back.

“But it is,” King Valyn confirmed as he stared at me from a face that Casteel’s would one day become. “They’re responding to her. That’s why the ones on the road with us shifted without warning. She called them to her.”

“I…I didn’t call anyone,” I told Casteel, voice cracking.

“I know.” Casteel’s tone softened as his eyes locked with mine.

“But she did,” his mother insisted. “You might not realize it, but you did summon them.”

My eyes darted to her, and I felt my chest wrench. She was everything I’d imagined Casteel’s mother to be. Stunning. Regal. Powerful. Calm now, even as she remained on one knee, even when she had first seen me and demanded of her son—What have you’ve done? What have you brought back? I flinched, fearing those words would stay with me long after today.

Casteel’s features sharpened as golden eyes swept over my face. “If the idiots behind me actually laid down their swords instead of lifting them against my wife, we wouldn’t have an entire colony of wolven about to descend on us,” he bit out. “They are only reacting to the threat.”

“You’re right,” his father agreed as he gently guided his wife to her feet. Blood soaked the knee and the hem of her lilac gown. “But ask yourself why your bonded wolven is guarding someone other than you.”

“I really could care less at the moment,” Casteel responded as the sound of hundreds—if not more—of paws pounding the earth grew even closer. He couldn’t be serious. He had to care, because that was a damn good question.

“You need to care,” his mother cautioned, a thin quiver in her otherwise steady voice. “The bonds have broken.”

The bonds? Hands trembling, my wide eyes shot to the temple steps, to where Emil slowly backed away. Naill had his swords in his hands now.

“She’s right,” Alastir uttered, the skin around his mouth appearing even whiter. “I can… I can feel it—the Primal notam. Her mark. Good gods.” His voice trembled as he stumbled back, nearly stepping on the crown. “They’ve all broken.”

I had no idea what a notam was, but through the confusion and the blossoming panic, there was something odd about what Alastir had stated. If it was true, then why wasn’t he in his wolven form? Was it because he’d already broken his wolven bond with the former King of Atlantia all those years ago?

“Look at their eyes,” the Queen ordered softly, pointing out what I’d seen. “I know you don’t understand. There are things you never needed to learn, Hawke.” Her voice cracked then, thickened at the use of his nickname—a name I’d once believed to be nothing more than a lie. “But what you need to know now is that they no longer serve the Elemental bloodline. You are not safe. Please,” she begged. “Please. Listen to me, Hawke.”

“How?” I croaked. “How could the bond break?”

“That doesn’t matter right now.” The amber of Casteel’s eyes was nearly luminous. “You’re bleeding,” he said as if that were the most important issue at hand.

But it wasn’t. “How?” I repeated.

“It’s what you are.” Eloana’s left hand balled into the skirt of her gown. “You have the blood of a god in you—”

“I’m mortal,” I told her.

A thick lock of dark hair tumbled from her knot as she shook her head. “Yes, you are mortal, but you are descended from a deity—the children of the gods. All it takes is a drop of god’s blood—” She swallowed thickly. “You may have more than just a drop, but what is in your blood, what is in you, supersedes any oath the wolven have taken.”

I remembered then what Kieran had told me in New Haven about the wolven. The gods had given the once-wild kiyou wolves mortal form to serve as guides and protectors to the children of the gods—the deities. Something else Kieran had shared then explained the Queen’s reaction.

My gaze shot to the crown lying near Nyktos’ feet. A drop of deity blood usurped any claim to the Atlantian throne.

Oh, gods, there was a good chance I really might pass out. And how embarrassing would that be?

Eloana’s gaze shifted to her son’s rigid back. “You go near her? Right now? They will see you as a threat to her. They will rip you apart.”

My heart lurched to a panicked stop. Casteel looked as if he might do just that. Behind me, one of the smaller wolven lurched forward, barking and snapping at the air.

Every muscle in my body tensed. “Casteel—”

“It’s okay.” Casteel’s eyes never left mine. “No one is going to harm Poppy. I will not allow that.” His chest rose with a deep, heavy breath. “And you know that, right?”

I nodded as each breath came too fast, too shallowly. It was the only thing I understood at the moment.

“Everything’s all right. They’re just protecting you.” Casteel smiled for me then, but it was tense and tight. He looked to my left, at Kieran. “I don’t know everything that is going on right now, but you—all of you—want to keep her safe. And I’m all about that. You know I would never hurt her. I would tear out my own heart before I did that. She’s injured. I need to make sure she’s okay, and nothing is going to stop me from doing that.” He didn’t blink as he held Kieran’s stare, as the rolling thunder of the other wolven reached the temple steps. “Not even you. Any of you. I will destroy every single one of you who stands between her and me.”

Kieran’s growl deepened, and an emotion I’d never felt from him before poured into me. It was like anger, but older. And it felt like that buzz in my blood had. Ancient. Primal.

And in an instant, I could see it all playing out in my mind as if it were happening before me. Kieran would attack. Or maybe it would be Jasper. I’d seen what kind of damage a wolven could inflict, but Casteel wouldn’t go down easily. He would do just as he’d promised. He’d tear through all that stood between him and me. Wolven would die, and if he harmed Kieran—if he did worse than that, the wolven’s blood wouldn’t just be on Casteel’s hands. It would mark his soul till the day he died.

A wave of wolven crested the temple’s stairs, both small and large, in so many different colors. Their arrival brought terrifying knowledge. Casteel was incredibly strong and unbelievably fast. He would take down many. But he would fall with them.

He would die.

Casteel would die because of me—because I called to these wolven and didn’t know how to make it stop. My heart thumped erratically. A wolven near the steps stalked Emil as he continued backing up. Another tracked Naill as he spoke softly to the wolven, attempting to reason with the creature. The others had zeroed in on the guards surrounding the King and Queen, and a few…. Oh, gods, several of them crept up behind Casteel. This had slipped into chaos, the wolven beyond control of any of them…

I sucked in a sharp breath as my mind raced, breaking free of the pain and turbulence. Something had happened within me to make that drop of god’s blood break the bonds. I superseded their previous oaths, and that had…it had to mean that they now obeyed me.

“Stop,” I ordered as Kieran snapped at Casteel, whose own lips were now peeled back. “Kieran! Stop! You will not hurt Casteel.” My voice rose as a soft hum returned to my blood. “All of you will stop. Now! None of you will attack.”

It was like a switch had been thrown in the wolven’s minds. One second they were all poised to attack, and then they were sinking onto their bellies, lowering their heads between their front paws. I could still feel their anger, the old power, but it had lessened already, was fading in steady waves.

Emil lowered his sword. “That…that was timely. Thank you for that.”

A ragged breath left me as a tremor traveled up and down my arms. I almost couldn’t believe it’d worked as I scanned the temple, seeing all the wolven lying down. My entire being wanted to rebel against further confirmation of what the Queen had claimed, but gods, there was only so much I could deny. Throat dry, I looked at Casteel.

He stared at me, his eyes wide once more. I couldn’t breathe enough. My heart wouldn’t slow enough for me to make sense of what he was feeling.

“He will not hurt me. You all know that,” I said, my voice shaking as I looked at Jasper and then Kieran. “You told me that he was the only person in both kingdoms that I was safe with. That hasn’t changed.”

Kieran’s ears twitched, and then he rose, backing up. He turned, nudging my hand with his nose.

“Thank you,” I whispered, briefly closing my eyes.

“Just so you know,” Casteel murmured, thick lashes lowered halfway, “what you just did? Said? It has me feeling all kinds of wildly inappropriate things at the moment.”

A weak, shaky laugh left me. “There’s something so wrong with you.”

“I know.” The left side of his lips curved, and his dimple appeared. “But you love that about me.”

I did. Gods, I really did.

Jasper shook out his fur as his large head swung from me to Casteel. He turned sideways, making a rough, huffing sound as he did. The other wolven moved then, coming out from behind the blood tree. I watched them trot past me—past Casteel and the others—ears perked and tails wagging as they joined the wolven descending the steps and left the temple. Only Jasper, his son, and Delano remained, and the feeling of chaotic tension lifted.

A thick lock of dark hair fell over Casteel’s forehead. “You were glowing silver again. When you ordered the wolven to stop,” he told me. “Not a lot, not like before, but you looked like spun moonlight.”

Had I been? I glanced down at my hands. They looked normal. “I…I don’t know what’s happening,” I whispered, my legs shaking. “I don’t know what’s going on.” I lifted my eyes to his and watched him take a step forward, and then another. There were no snarls of warning. Nothing. My throat started to burn. I could feel it—tears creeping into my eyes. I couldn’t cry. I wouldn’t. Everything had already turned into enough of a mess without me sobbing hysterically. But I was so tired. I hurt, and it went beyond the physical.

When I first stepped into this temple and looked out over the clear waters of the Seas of Saion, I’d felt like I was home. And I knew things would be hard. Proving our union was real wouldn’t be nearly as difficult as gaining the acceptance of Casteel’s parents and that of his kingdom. We still needed to find his brother, Prince Malik. And mine. We had to deal with the Ascended Queen and King. Nothing about our future would be easy, but I had hope.

Now, I felt foolish. So naïve. The older wolven in Spessa’s End, the one I’d helped heal after the battle, had warned me about the people of Atlantia. They did not choose you. And I now doubted they ever would.

I drew in a stuttering breath and whispered, “I didn’t want any of this.”

Tension bracketed Casteel’s mouth. “I know.” His voice was rough, but his touch was gentle as he placed his palm over the cheek that didn’t feel swollen. He lowered his forehead to mine, and the shock of awareness his flesh against mine brought was there, rippling through me as he slid his hand into the tangled mess of my hair. “I know, Princess,” he whispered, and I squeezed my eyes shut against a stronger rush of tears. “It’s okay. It will all be okay. I promise you that.”

I nodded, even though I knew it wasn’t something he could guarantee. Not anymore. I forced myself to swallow the knot of emotion that rose.

Casteel kissed my blood-streaked brow and then lifted his head. “Emil? Can you retrieve clothing from Delano’s and Kieran’s horses so they can shift and not scar anyone?”

“I’ll be more than happy to do that,” the Atlantian answered.

I almost laughed. “I think their nakedness will be the least scarring thing to happen today.”

Casteel said nothing as he touched my cheek again, gently tilting my head to the side. His gaze then dropped to several of the rocks still littering the ground at my feet. A muscle popped along his jaw. His eyes lifted to mine, and I saw his pupils were dilated, only a thin strip of amber visible. “They tried to stone you?”

I heard a soft gasp I thought had come from his mother, but I didn’t look. I didn’t want to see their faces. I didn’t want to know what they felt right now. “They accused me of working with the Ascended, and they called me a Soul Eater. I told them I wasn’t. I tried to talk to them.” Words spilled out in a rush as I lifted my hands to touch him, but I stopped. I didn’t know what my touch would do. Hell, I didn’t even know what I would do without touching someone. “I tried to reason with them, but they started throwing stones. I told them to stop. I said it was enough, and…I don’t know what I did—” I started to look over his shoulder, but Casteel seemed to know what it was I searched for. He stopped me. “I didn’t mean to kill them.”

“You were defending yourself.” His pupils constricted as he caught my stare. “You did what you had to do. You were defending yourself—”

“But I didn’t touch them, Casteel,” I whispered. “It was like in Spessa’s End, during the battle. Remember the soldiers who surrounded us? When they fell, I felt something in me. I felt that again here. It was like something inside me knew what to do. I took their anger and I—I did exactly what a Soul Eater would do. I took it from them and then gave it back.”

“You are not a Soul Eater,” Queen Eloana said from somewhere not too far away. “The moment the eather in your blood became visible, those who attacked you should’ve known exactly what you were. What you are.”

“Eather?”

“It’s what some would call magic,” Casteel answered, shifting his stance as if he were blocking his mother from me. “You’ve seen it before.”

“The mist?”

He nodded. “It’s the essence of the gods, what’s in their blood, what gives them their abilities and the power to create all that they have. No one really calls it that anymore, not since the gods went to sleep, and the deities died off.” His eyes searched mine. “I should have known. Gods, I should’ve seen it…”

“You can say that now,” his mother spoke. “But why would you have even thought that this would be a possibility? No one would’ve expected this.”

“Except for you,” Casteel said. And he was right. She’d known, without a doubt. And, granted, I had been glowing upon her arrival, but she’d known with unquestioned certainty.

“I can explain,” she said as Emil appeared, carrying two saddlebags. He gave all of us a wide berth as he dropped them near Jasper and then backed away.

“Apparently, a lot needs to be explained,” Casteel remarked coolly. “But it will have to wait.” His gaze touched on my left cheek, and that muscle throbbed along his jaw again. “I need to get you somewhere safe where I can…. Where I can take care of you.”

“You can take her to your old rooms at my place,” Jasper announced, startling me. I hadn’t even heard him shift. I started to look over at him but saw skin as he reached for the saddlebag.

“That will do.” Casteel took what appeared to be a pair of breeches from Jasper. “Thank you.”

“Will it be safe for you there?” I asked, and a wry grin tugged at Casteel’s lips.

“He’ll be safe there,” Kieran answered.

So shocked by the sound of Kieran’s voice, I turned. And didn’t stop. There was a whole lot of tawny skin on display, but he stood there like he wasn’t naked in front of all who remained. For once, I really had no problem ignoring the fact that he was nude. I looked at his eyes. They were normal—a vivid, striking blue without the silvery-white aura. “You were going to attack Casteel.”

Kieran nodded as he took the pants from Casteel.

“He most definitely was,” Casteel confirmed.

I looked back at my husband. “And you threatened to destroy him.”

The dimple in his left cheek appeared again. “I did.”

“Why are you smiling? That isn’t something that should make you smile.” I stared at him, stupid tears burning my eyes. I didn’t care that we had an audience. “That can never happen again. Do you hear me?” I twisted to Kieran, who arched a brow as he pulled his breeches up over his lean hips. “Do you both hear me? I won’t allow it. I won’t—”

“Shh.” Casteel’s light touch to my cheek drew my gaze back to his as he stepped into me. He was close enough that his chest brushed mine with each breath. “It won’t happen again, Poppy.” His thumb quickly swiped under my left eye. “Right?”

“Right.” Kieran cleared his throat. “I don’t…” He fell quiet.

His father didn’t. “As long as the Prince doesn’t give any of us a reason to behave differently, we will protect him as fiercely as we will protect you.”

We. As in the entirety of the wolven race. That’s what Alastir had meant when he’d said that all the bonds had broken. I had a lot of questions, but I plopped my head on Casteel’s chest. It didn’t feel that great, sending a flare of pain across my head. I didn’t care because when I inhaled, all I smelled was lush spice and pine. Casteel carefully folded an arm around my upper back, and I thought… I thought I felt him shudder against me.

“Wait,” Kieran said. “Where is Beckett? He was with you when you walked off.”

Casteel drew back slightly. “That’s right. He offered to show you the temple.” His eyes narrowed as he stared down at me. “He led you here.”

A wave of goosebumps pimpled my skin. Beckett. Pressure clamped down on my chest, squeezing tightly as I thought of the young wolven who’d spent the vast majority of the trip here chasing butterflies. I still couldn’t believe that he had led me here, knowing what awaited. But I remembered the bitter taste of his fear that day in Spessa’s End. He’d been terrified of me.

Or had he been terrified of something else?

His emotions had been all over the place. He’d gone from being normal around me, happy and grinning, to suddenly afraid and anxious, as he had been when he brought me up here.

“He disappeared before the others showed up,” I told Casteel. “I don’t know where he went.”

“Find Beckett,” he ordered, and Delano, still in his wolven form, tilted his head. “Naill? Emil? Go with him. Make sure Beckett is brought to me alive.”

Both Atlantians nodded and bowed. Nothing about Casteel’s tone suggested that the alive part was a good thing. “He’s just a kid.” I watched Delano rush off, quickly disappearing with Naill and Emil. “He was scared. And now that I think about it—”

“Poppy.” Casteel placed the tips of his fingers against my cheek, just below a spot that ached. He dipped his head, brushing his lips over the cut. “I have two things to say. If Beckett had anything to do with this, I don’t care what or who he is, and I sure as fuck don’t care about what he was feeling.” His voice rose until all who remained at the temple could hear him, including his parents.

“A move against my wife is a proclamation of war against me. Their fate is already sealed. And, secondly?” He lowered his head even farther. This time, his lips brushed over mine in a featherlight kiss. I could barely feel it, but it somehow still managed to twist my insides into knots. He then lifted his head, and I saw it in his features—the stark stillness of a predator locking onto its prey. I’d seen it before, right before he’d torn out Landell’s heart back in New Haven.

Casteel turned his head to the side, looking at the only wolven who remained, now standing on two legs. “You.”

#casteel da'neer #hawke flynn #poppy balfour #penellaphe balfour #cas x poppy #hawke x poppy #the crown of gilded bones #blood and ash series #jennifer l armentrout #TCOGB

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