#I assume you don’t want that kind of reach when it comes to this subject

[bicheetopuff]

Hey puff, it's me again!! First of all, I want to offer you my favorite fic of BK to you as an offering.

Second of all- I read through your Puff ask tag again and I was enjoying myself until the part of the ship war pops up. I'm really sorry for anyone who had genuinely got fried due to the fandom spaces being hostile. For my younger fandom experience, I didn't really get into MHA fandom much as a child. I have a fixation over Katsuki and that's that. I wasn't as obsessed of BKDK until 5 months ago because of college and needed something to fill my brain. Then bkdk ended up filling that brain.

Third of all, and what I want of your in depth opinion of is Mitsuki. I'm born in the southeast asia (what country, you can guess lmao) and when ever I actually look at Mitsuki, she remind me of my own mother. She's loud, she hits me as a child and mostly discipline me like how Katsuki is being treated. I always thought it was wrong kind of because I know I was kind of different from the other kids, (in a sense that I have problems mentally and never did get unchecked). Unlike Katsuki, I can't just yell back- and when I talk about this to other family members, they just say that it's normal. My dad is also kinda like Masaru.. just, more distant. Lmao my parents fight all the time that seeing them interact normally felt like something is wrong.

When I see Katsuki and Mitsuki interact I kind of see them having a flawed, but happy nonetheless family in some kind of way. Maybe it's just wishful thinking, but I can't help but think in some kind of way that yelling might be another form of affection for them(?) Every family have another language for affection right?.. I'm not sure anymore.

So what I'm getting from this is like.. I don't, understand what counts as Abusive or Not. I'm getting better to understand that what my mom did to me as a child is the result of her punishing my misbehaving ass but was it really necessary to hit and scream at me? I'm not really sure. You don't have to answer this ask. I don't want to justify Mitsuki's actions but I also think that she does care about Katsuki. She's just, not good at parenting.

Sorry for the venting kind of ask, I just want to know the line honestly. It's kind of hard to understand where the lines are when you're buried in said line.

It’s not weird at all, I’m sorry for taking so long to respond to this. I wanted to find the time to give a meaningful response when I wasn’t busy.

I think the bnha fandom is the first time I’ve been in a hostile fandom space, but I’m grateful to have found a corner of the internet with minimal hate. But I relate really hard to bkdk filling my brain when I became overwhelmed with college. They became a great escape for me and now two and a half years later, they filled my mind again when I’m going back to college lmao.

My opinion of Mitsuki is kind of in shades of gray… I’m not Asian, however I am a person of color with one of my parents having been an immigrant and she really reminds me of my mother too.

On one hand, she upset me by blaming Katsuki for All Mights retirement and when I realized that it was probably a trend throughout his childhood, it upset me even more, mainly because I related to it. Being told that everything you do is wrong and feeling like you’ll never be good enough for your parents approval, hurts. I don’t care if Katsuki is tough, I know that shit hurt and had a big impact on who he grew up to be.

Having said that, I do kind of appreciate that Katsuki is able to defend himself to some degree without any real punishment. I like that Mitsuki lets him feel angry without shaming him for it, but I also feel like she kind of ignores his feelings, and the fact that she never addressed them and even encouraged him, also effected how he grew up to view himself. He saw himself as someone who’s praised blindly while thinking that he’ll never be good enough for the expectations he set for himself due to his mother degrading him. We’ve never really seen either of his parents celebrate his accomplishments like we’ve seen with other characters so I think his parents don’t really congratulate him because success is what they expect from him. They make more of a big deal out of his losses and faults than anything else.

I try to see them as a happy family as well, but I think that’s just me projecting. Because if their family isn’t happy, then what is mine?

I know for some people yelling and hitting playfully is a form of affection, me included, but it took me a while to realize that there’s a difference between playful fighting and actual fighting. Because, like you, my parents used to fight a lot and as a kid I just began to associate that with love (which probably explains my shit show of a love life lmao).

Again, this is probably just me projecting, but i don’t think I’d use the word “abusive” to describe this kind of family dynamic, especially since it’s basically customary for most children of color to grow up in a similar strict environment. It’s definitely not ideal, but I think it does have a lot to do with culture and generational trauma. I’m sure Mitsuki’s parents weren’t much different.

Where the line is, is up to you ultimately but I think there are certain lines of respect that shouldn’t be crossed for anyone, as just basic human decency. Hitting you, blaming you for things that aren’t your fault, taking away your ability to defend yourself, are lines that are the same for everyone in my eyes. No one should put your hands on you, no one has a right to take away your voice, and no one has a right to make you feel like you’re less than them. I don’t recommend yelling back, but I hope you can find the voice to stand up for yourself on day. Good experiences with parents doesn’t make the bad experiences go away, nor does it justify their bad treatment.

I’m sorry for the winded response, idk if I make any sense because I’m stuck in that cycle myself and didn’t start to realize until more recently what’s bad and what’s good when it comes to family. I hope I didn’t upset or offend you.

To ease the tension, um… I’d like to know what your favorite fic is!

[tongue-like-a-razor]

Brother's Best Friend - Part 12

Jake Seresin x F!Reader

A/N: Trying to get back into these two. Did we miss them?

Summary: The trials and tribulations of falling for your brother's best friend.

CW: mild angst, swearing, fluff

WC: 2600+

Part 1 | Masterlist

“So…” Jake pauses and purses his lips to suppress a mischievous smile. “When did you start liking me?”

You look down at your lap where his head has been resting for the last five minutes. “Did I tell you I like you?”

Jake meets your gaze and snorts. He reaches up to take your hand off the keyboard of your laptop and brings it down over his chest. “Indirectly,” he admits.

You roll your eyes, recalling when you had expressed to Bradley – in Jake’s presence – how ‘your guy’ makes you feel. You pull your hand out of his grasp and look back up at the screen in front of you. “I have to work, Jake.”

“You’re too hardworking,” Jake responds with a whine.

You shake your head with a grin. “Such a dreadful habit, I know. I’m working on it – wait. Damn, I see what you mean –”

Jake starts chuckling and his head tickles your bare thighs. “You’re so fucking cute.”

You press your lips together as your smile broadens. “When did you start liking me?” you ask.

Jake releases a heavy sigh and sits up. “Alright, enough chitchat. Get to work.”

You watch him rise to his feet and make his way into the kitchen, curious why he so abruptly decided to change the subject. “Got any plans this weekend?” you ask casually, wondering if he’ll finally ask you out on a date. The two of you have been sneaking around for a while, but your only outings together have been with Bradley, so you couldn’t even hold hands. Thus far, you’ve assumed that Jake is just waiting for the right moment to speak with Bradley before the two of you make your relationship official but, as time goes on, you become increasingly skeptical that Jake actually intends to come clean.

Jake shrugs. “Not really. Just hangin’ with your bro.”

You try your best not to frown. “Sounds fun.”

Jake walks back over to you and sets a bowl of strawberries on the table by your laptop. You glance up at him inquisitively and he responds with, “You haven’t eaten since breakfast.”

You give him a smile. “Neither have you.”

He nods. “Which is how I know you’re hungry.”

“Thanks,” you say. “As soon as I’m through with this part, I’ll move all this shit and we can have some lunch.” You gesture at the pile of literature currently cluttering your workspace.

Jake takes a seat adjacent to you at the table and lets out another sigh. “I don’t know,” he says.

You shift your gaze from your computer to look in his direction. “Don’t know what? If you want lunch?” You pick up a strawberry and pop it into your mouth.

Jake is observing you carefully and you stop chewing because the attention makes you uncomfortable. “I don’t know when…” he says, pausing as though he isn’t sure how to continue. “When, uh… I don’t know at what point” – he exhales sharply – “I have no clue when I f – when I started to see you as more than just Bradley’s sister. As more than a friend.”

You raise your eyebrows at him, your mouth still full of half-chewed strawberry.

“I think I just realized, at one point, that I’d rather spend time with you than with anyone else,” he admits.

You finish chewing awkwardly before responding with, “Huh.”

Jake stares at you expectantly, as though you should have something to add.

But you’re not really sure what to say. You’ve been crushing on Jake for an embarrassingly long time and he does not have clearance for that kind of classified intel, especially since his interest in you is far more recent. What does he want, anyway? A pat on the back for finally figuring it out?

“Your turn,” he says, clearing his throat and leaning back in his chair with an air of confidence.

You purse your lips as though you’re in thought. “Not sure,” you say vaguely.

Jake narrows his eyes. “Not sure? Or don’t want to say?”

You meet his gaze tentatively. “I probably liked you before you liked me.”

Jake watches you with a slight grin. “In that case, you were very good at hiding it.”

…

You arrive at the pub already slightly tipsy after pre-drinking at your friend’s house. In fact, you’re drunk enough to not give two shits that Jake has, once again, decided to spend his Saturday night with Bradley. This time, he didn’t even invite you along.

Once inside, you head straight for the bar; no sense in wasting time waiting for a table. You grab a drink and take a look around the crowded establishment. That’s when you see him.

Jake fucking Seresin is sitting at a table near the back – not with your brother. You stare at him – and his female companion – in horror for a few moments, letting the scene sink in. Wondering if you’re in the wrong for being shocked. Are the two of you even exclusive? This has never actually been discussed. But one thing is certain: Jake lied, which makes you sick to your stomach.

You slide off your barstool and, cocktail in hand, you make your way to the little table in the back where your supposed boyfriend – or whatever he is – sits entertaining another woman. It’s not long before Jake notices your presence because you’re making quite a spectacle on your way over as you furiously skirt every person in your path.

Jake looks uncomfortable and that satisfies you greatly. “Hey,” he says when you arrive.

You gape at him. “Hey?” you exclaim in outrage.

“Uh,” Jake stalls for a moment. He turns to his date and says, “This is Bradley’s sister.”

The woman opposite Jake smiles at you but you’re too busy glaring at Jake to acknowledge her. “That’s all you want to say about me?”

Jake watches you pointedly. “What else do you want me to say about you?” He looks back at his date and lets out a nervous chuckle.

“Are you fucking kidding me, Seresin?” you shriek, slamming your stemmed glass onto their table so aggressively that your sour apple martini splashes over the rim.

Jake jerks back to avoid getting wet and then looks up at you in alarm. “What’s the matter with you?”

You shake your head at him in disappointment and then turn abruptly to leave. You expect Jake to grab your hand, or follow you out, but he does neither. In fact, you make it all the way back to the bar before you realize that Jake is not even looking in your direction. You see him laughing together with his female friend, as though they both just witnessed something absurd and worthy of repeating in the future for a good chuckle.

“Hey, isn’t that your brother’s aviator buddy?” your friend says, nodding toward the back of the pub.

You roll your eyes and then turn toward the bar, realizing you left your drink at Jake’s table.

“He’s kind of hot,” you friend continues. “But he’s got fuckboy written all over him.”

You close your eyes and sigh. You have nobody to blame but yourself. You know Jake. What in the world made you think he would become a different person if he were with you?

…

The following day, you wake up past noon with a debilitating migraine. You hear Bradley and Jake’s voices drift up from the kitchen and groan. You’re not in the mood to face Jake after the events of the previous evening. You ended up going home shortly after confronting him and you have no idea where he ended up. Probably in bed, and probably not alone.

You get dressed unhurriedly, dizzy from the pain and, on your way downstairs, you grip the banister tightly just in case. The kitchen is excruciatingly bright, and you cringe upon entering, shielding your face from the open window like a vampire.

“Oh, hey sleepyhead!” your brother greets you.

You grunt in response and head straight for the coffee pot. “Is this fresh?” you ask.

“Nope!” Bradley replies cheerily.

You pour yourself a mug anyway and put it in the microwave, turning to face the two of them while your coffee warms.

Jake meets your gaze with a stoic expression.

“How was your night?” Bradley asks with a grin, clearly seeing that you’re hungover.

“Fine,” you say monotonously.

Bradley raises his eyebrows. “It’s the enthusiasm for me,” he says with a smirk, looking over at Jake.

Jake, however, ignores him and grabs his jacket from the back of one of the kitchen chairs. “You ’bout ready, Bradshaw? I ain’t got all day.”

“Alright, alright,” Bradley says. “Let me get my stuff.”

Bradley jogs over to the staircase and runs up to grab his duffel bag. Meanwhile, you are deliberately avoiding Jake’s gaze as you lean your back into the kitchen counter. Jake stuffs his hands into his pockets and is also not looking at you. When Bradley returns a few minutes later, disrupting the silence with a melodic whistling, the two of you have not moved an inch from where you’d been standing when he left. Even though the microwave has beeped at you twice.

“What’s with you two?” he asks, pausing in the doorway.

“Nothing,” Jake responds curtly. “Let’s go.”

Bradley glances between the two of you. “Okay,” he says slowly, his gaze lingering on you in particular. “See you later, sis,” he says.

You wave a distracted hand in his direction and head for the couch with your coffee, nearly bumping into Jake as you cross paths because neither of you is looking at the other.

“Sorry,” Jake mutters, stepping aside to let you pass. His hand goes up instinctively to guide you but he catches himself before letting it rest on your arm.

“It’s fine,” you say, wavering slightly on the spot. You squeeze your eyes shut for a moment and press a couple of fingers into your temple.

“You okay?” he asks, his eyebrows converging as he tries to catch your gaze.

“I said I’m fine.” You sigh, trying to walk around him.

“Seresin, you coming, or what?” Bradley calls from the foyer.

Jake hesitates as you finally pass him, and then yells back. “I’ll meet you there!”

Bradley waits a moment as though he’s still trying to figure out what’s going on. Then you hear the front door open and Bradley shout, “Don’t be late!” as he exits the house.

Jake trails after you into the living room and, when you lower yourself onto the couch, he crouches down in front of you, placing a hand on your knee. “Migraine?” he asks.

You nod slowly so as not to exacerbate the pain.

Jake’s hand gives your leg a soft squeeze. “Have you eaten?”

You cringe. “Please don’t talk to me about food right now,” you beg.

“Did you take anything?”

You shake your head. “I’m out.”

Jake gets to his feet. “I’ll go pick up some meds for you,” he says.

You glance up at him miserably. “You’re going to be late.”

“Don’t worry about it,” he responds, already on his way out.

…

Jake returns not ten minutes later with your medication and a bag full of snacks. “I heard dark chocolate is good for migraines,” he says, holding out a block for you as you swallow your pills.

“I’m not hungry, Jake,” you say weakly, closing your eyes and lying back down on the couch.

Jake sighs, sitting down on the floor beside you and starting to unwrap the chocolate. “You need to eat something,” he says, breaking off a piece. “I also have gummy worms and popcorn.”

You open your eyes. “I love gummy worms,” you whisper.

Jake grins. “I know,” he whispers back.

You take the chocolate square from his hand and he busies himself with opening the bag of gummy worms while you let the chocolate melt in your mouth. A moment later, he hands you a gummy worm and you stick it between your teeth and bite. “Oh my god, it’s so good,” you moan. The motion of chewing helps alleviate some of the pain in your temple and you sigh blissfully, closing your eyes.

Jake leans his back into the wall adjacent the couch and pops a gummy worm into his mouth. For a while, the two of you sit in silence. Then, he says, “You wanna talk about it?”

“Not really,” you say.

Jake shakes his head and you can sense his irritation without even looking at him. “This isn’t going to work if you don’t trust me.”

You turn to give him a flat look. “Would you trust you, Seresin?”

Jake squares his jaw. “I have never given you a reason not to trust me.”

“You lied to me! You said you were meeting Bradley!”

“I was! He was running late.”

You watch him sourly. “And you just happened to pick up a girl while you were waiting?”

Jake returns your bitter glare. “Is that actually what you think?”

“I don’t know what to think,” you say, sitting upright to look him in the eye. “You weren't exactly forthcoming with an explanation.”

Jake sets the gummy worms on the couch and gets to his feet. “The girl was there for Bradley. He was running late. End of story.”

“You couldn’t tell me that yesterday?”

“She’s seeing Bradley! And he doesn’t know about us. It’s not like I can say, ‘Oh, by the way, I’m actually dating your boyfriend’s little sister and that’s why she’s acting like a nutcase. Brb.’”

You fold your arms, sulking. Did you consider the possibility that the woman Jake was sitting with wasn’t his date? Briefly. But you were already annoyed with Jake and that, combined with your less than sober state, was apparently a recipe for disaster. “I guess I don’t trust you,” you say with a shrug, even though this statement isn’t altogether true.

Jake places his hands on his hips, exhaling slowly. “Why?” he asks, sounding exasperated.

You stay silent and continue to brood.

Jake pinches the bridge of his nose and grimaces as though this conversation is wearing him out. Then, he lets out another sigh and crouches before you again, trying to catch your gaze as he places his hands in your lap, palms up. “Why?” he asks calmly, waiting for you to join hands with him.

You do. “Well, why would I?” you say quietly, hesitating before you continue. “What is this, even? What are we? Do you know? Because I don’t.”

Jake’s eyebrows knit together. “What are you talking about?”

“Well, why haven’t you told Bradley yet? Is it because you’re not sure you want to make this official? Is it because it’s just a fling so why bother?” You cringe inwardly, hating how insecure you sound.

Jake stares at you in wonder, as though this line of thinking has never even crossed his mind.

“Like, are we even exclusive?”

Jake’s eyes widen and he blinks at you in awe. “We fucking better be,” he retorts, his hold on your hands tightening slightly.

“Well, how would I know that?” you exclaim.

Jake brings his hands up to his face and rubs his eyes. “Jesus fuck, how would you not know that?”

You scoff at him. “Because you’ve never once been in an exclusive relationship! Not while I’ve known you, anyway. Do you even know how?”

Jake’s hands slide down his face and stay over his mouth as he gapes at you. When his hands finally drop back into your lap, you can see that he’s got a small smile on his face. “You’ve got nothing to worry about,” he says finally.

You lower your gaze, not exactly comforted considering he still has not addressed your main concern: Bradley.

Jake stands up and pulls you up off the couch. He puts his arms around you and you rest your head against one of his giant shoulders, allowing him to cradle you lovingly.

“Why haven’t you told Bradley?” you mutter into his shirt.

Jake pulls away from you and runs a hand through his hair uneasily. “I’m scared, Baby B,” he admits. “I’m scared he’s gonna make me choose.”

Read Part 13

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[irisintheafterglow]

Until You Come Back Home (gojo x you)

summary: you call his name enough times that he does, indeed, come back home.

wc: 1.76k

cw/tags: angst/comfort, happy ending !!!, lovesick reader and lovesick satoru, mentions of suguru and riko so anime spoilers, pet names (sweetheart, angel, babe)

note: RAHHHH HERE IT IS HE'S BACK last part of "I Don't Wanna Live Forever" !!! this is my coping mechanism before, during, and after shibuya cuz i plan ahead, yk? anyways hope you like it :D

likes, reblogs, and feedback is always appreciated !

It’s quiet in your room, too unsettling for it to be considered peaceful. You toss around in your covers and count sheep until you’re well past 200 to no avail. It just felt like something was missing and you couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was. The room felt humongous and claustrophobic at the same time, too hot to wear blankets but too cold to have your skin exposed. Every single one of your senses was irritated to its limit and you settled for taking a walk to get water. However, you’re surprised to find that you’re not the only one feeling restless. 

“Satoru?” 

You see him tilt his head to look at you in the darkness of the teachers’ common area. His legs are crossed over each other and he rests his chin in the heel of his hand. Rubbing his eyes with the sleeve of his half-unzipped jacket, he gives you a tired smile as you sit on the coffee table in front of him. The bags under his eyes are deep enough to bury a treasure chest. You don’t ask if he wants to talk, instead reaching out to take his hand and running your thumb over his knuckles. It’s just something friends do, you reason. No feelings involved with this kind of physical touch, right? After a moment, he shrugs a lean shoulder with a ragged breath, once-vibrant eyes now dulled. 

“Bad dream woke me up. Thought it’d be better to have a change of scenery.” His voice has none of its melodic lilt that you’d grown to love since you both were students, and it makes your face fall. You had very limited knowledge of his nightmares, but to find him staring off into space at the earliest hours of the morning was especially concerning. It was frightening, sometimes, to be Satoru’s closest remaining friend. Witnessing the strongest sorcerer at his weakest was a frequent occurrence for you, however much he tried to appear unbreakable to the rest of society. It was even more frightening to walk this line with him between friends and lovers, to gamble your feelings on a human with the powers of a god. “Do you remember Riko?” 

“Of course I do. As vividly as I remember him, too.” You don’t speak the name of his best friend turned murderer, for your sake and for Satoru’s. It was a stab to the heart you weren’t ready for. “The dream was about them?”

“Mhmm. Just reliving it all again.”

“You’re sort of doing that now, sitting here like a guard at his post.” 

“That’s the point, babe.”

“The point is hurting you, Satoru.” His hair seems almost iridescent in the moonlight when he shakes his head. 

“What are you doing awake, anyway? Missed me so much you couldn’t sleep?” He was baiting you to change the subject and, to your dismay, you bite. 

“Bold of you to assume I miss you at all,” you state flatly, dropping his hand dramatically. He exhales a quiet laugh, leaning his head on his hand to stare at you with those stupidly pretty blue eyes. 

“Liar. You’re the first one I see after every mission, even when I’m not looking for you.” Your mouth quirks at his slip. 

“You search for me after missions?” It makes your heart a little lighter to see some of the twinkle come back into his eyes when he smiles softly. “You’re lying now. Look at your smirk,” you say, flicking his knee lightly. It’s purposeful, you think, when you feel the fabric of his sweatpants brush your hand. He never turned on Infinity if it was you. 

“Believe whatever you want to believe; but, fact is, we’re really good at running into each other.” He leans back in the armchair, raising both hands in surrender. He sighs, looking out at the moonlit courtyard below. “Even right now.” The corner of his mouth quirks teasingly and his eyes flick back to you. “Guess you always know when to find me when I need you, huh?” What is usually a heated face and a rapid heartbeat is replaced by a comforting warmth enveloping your entire body as you nod in agreement. Your mouth opens into a large yawn and you’re reminded how early it is. “I'm fine. Go back to sleep.”

“No.”

“Why won’t you listen to me?”

“Would you listen if I told you to go back to sleep?” He frowns, staring out the window again in reluctance. Before you speak again, he gives the tiniest shake of his head, imperceptible if you weren’t already staring at him. I can’t. He’s scared to fall asleep again, you figure, like when Megumi was younger and would crawl into your bed in the middle of the night. You huff, running your tongue over your top lip thoughtfully before plopping onto the couch perpendicular to his armchair. He glances at you, puzzled, and you settle into the cushions determinedly. “If you’re anxious of what can happen while you’re asleep, I’ll keep watch and wake you if something happens.” His face contorts to protest but you’re quick to cut him off. “Please, rest. I’ll be right here if you need anything.” 

You don’t really remember much after that. In the morning, you find yourself in Satoru’s bed with his arms curled around you. His face is buried in your shoulder, the blankets are twisted around your legs and his, and you have to blow a few white hairs from your face, but it doesn’t matter. It’s peaceful, and he’s asleep with his forehead against your neck. When you absentmindedly run your fingers through his hair and rub his back with the other hand, he sighs and melts more into your body. It’s a position you became much more familiar with when you officially started dating. It was natural to hold him, to wait for him, to love him. Sometimes, when he returned from a mission and you were already asleep, your body would move on its own to embrace him as he slipped into the sheets. Over time, his name fell from your lips as easily as breathing. 

You would whisper it sleepily, in a hazy trance between sleeping and waking. “Hi, gorgeous,” he replies against your temple, pressing feather-light kisses to your skin. “Miss me?” 

You called it over and over, slightly out of breath after you sprint from one end of the school to the other, Shoko texting you that he was returning after a months-long mission. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed you,” he murmurs in your ear, picking you up and spinning you around like a romcom movie. 

You’ve screamed it, occasionally, on the days when being in love with a fallen god became too much to bear and he told you to leave, if you couldn’t stand him that much. The romcom side of your relationship certainly appeared during those days, as it seemed to rain the hardest when he was standing outside your door and begging you to come back to his room. It wasn’t perfect, being with Satoru, but neither was he. That alone kept you coming back and calling his name like a mantra.

It’s the only thing you’re able to say when you see him for the first time since his unsealing.

You see him with Yuuji and Yuta in the courtyard, the same courtyard he looked at all those nights ago. Your breath catches in your throat when you finally register the afternoon sun glinting off of his hair. Though your brain was firing off a million signals in a span of seconds, it feels physically impossible to form words, to breathe, to run. Your body and mind push against each other for control, one completely frozen while the other is running so many trains of thought they’re all crashing disastrously. You swallow and take a few cautious steps down the stairs. His head snaps in your direction. 

“Satoru?”

Before you can blink, he’s in front of you, alive and breathing despite the newly healed scars. You cup his face in your hands ever so gently, as if he’d shatter if you weren’t careful. The warm feeling of his skin beneath the pads of your fingers told you that he was real, that he was here. He’s there to catch you when your legs give out and you sink to the ground with him, inhaling him for the first time in weeks that felt like centuries. His arms were just as strong as you willed yourself to remember and just as firm as if you were the one who came back from a lethal assignment. 

“My angel,” he murmurs into your skin. Devotion drips from his words like honey. “How did you know where to find me?” You choke out a half-laugh, half-cry and smile against his chest, more at ease than you’ve felt in your entire life. 

“We’re just really good at running into each other.” He laughs, genuinely laughs and it feels like a thirty pound weight is instantly lifted from your shoulders. 

“We are, aren’t we?”

“Can we have that rager wedding now?” You were beaming at him, basking in his light and slowly tracing your fingers over his scars. It was just another part of him for you to memorize. 

“I thought you denied me my rager wedding.” His accusation is whispered right into your ear and the hair on the back of your neck stands up from the close proximity. “I was heartbroken, truly.”

“If it means keeping you forever, I’ll have a hundred rager weddings,” you promise. In true Satoru fashion, however, he still likes to push your buttons whenever he has a chance. 

“What if it’s two hundred?” He smirks and you roll your eyes, unable to stop smiling nonetheless. 

“That’s pushing it.”

“Fine,” he concedes, pressing one more kiss to your cheek. “One will do. We don’t even have to buy a house.”

“Why not?”

“Because wherever I’m with you, I’m–” 

“Already home. I get it.” He draws his mouth into a frustrated grimace. 

“You didn’t let me finish my sappy line.”

“You’ll have to come up with better than that if you want to truly have that rager wedding.”

“It’s good that I like a challenge, then,” he states before picking you up clear off the ground, one arm slung under your legs and the other supporting your back. He calls out something to his students behind you that you can’t hear, escorting you back to his bed and resting, truly resting, for the first time in ages. 

[woovalin]

i have since been informed that the screenshots of that conversation were fabricated. i apologize, it turns out that an english translator was used and the source was proven to be false. nonetheless, this changes nothing about the situation.

i hope we all have an understanding that this is not a kpop issue, but a women’s rights issue. as previously stated in my original post; men, no matter where they’re from, what family they come from, who their friends are, they are not immune to being misogynistic, vile human beings. the people closest to us could be hiding the worst secret imaginable. men, having mothers, sisters and daughters, does not stop them from committing heinous crimes against women. it doesn’t matter that they have a strong female presence around, they could still turn out to be anti-women and do it all wrong. it only takes another brainwashed woman hater to turn the rest into one of them.

i also would like to point out that this is not the time to start fan wars, because this is not about kpop or us fans, or who you stan or don’t stan. this isn’t a “gotcha” moment, for you to blame fans for supporting him when nobody knew. it’s not the time to promote your faves or post shit with, ‘my faves would never’. that’s what everyone says/thinks until your fave DOES. it’s insulting to the victims, making jokes out of this. and let’s not blame women for supporting bgs, bc saying things like “good thing i only stan ggs” is not making anyone look good, not you, and not your faves. the blaming women for enjoying things is crazy, bc how are we not going to assume that the people we’re supporting are decent human beings at the very least? that’s the bare minimum, for you to expect someone to be a kind, normal human being who treats people with respect, as everyone should. there will always be terrible people in this world, but we can’t blame anyone but the criminal themselves.

i would love to stop posting about this, bc it is getting to be a lot, and is very overwhelming, but i want to keep voicing the issue at hand. korean women have desperately been trying to reach out to international media and gain our attention in the states, so that we can help them spread the word about what has been going on and what they are being subjected to. it’s sickening to look at the evidence of these vile people hurting innocent women and minors of all ages, but if it means we keep this relevant for as long as possible, then i will keep posting on every social media platform to amplify their voices. please continue to share, and spread as much (credible) information for these victims as you can. they are being singled out and targeted for speaking up, and we need to be their voice from across the world.

please please take care of yourselves, take breaks if you need to. just sharing things does a lot, and supporting the people around you who at any point have been in a situation like this, does more than you know.

❗️EDIT: if you would like to learn more about the situation in general on what goes on in sk involving these chat rooms, i recommend watching stephanie soo’s videos on her ‘rotten mango’ youtube channel about this. i will warn you, topics are very heavy and can be triggering, so watch at your own discretion. and listen to her trigger warnings. here is a screenshot of what you can search to find them.

[honeybeezgobzzzzz]

𓅨 Morpheus' Adventure with Animal Control

Morpheus' Adventure with Animal Control: Morpheus gets picked up animal control and sent to the local animal shelter. Matthew sends you to the rescue.

Warnings: Meowpheus, Language, Nudity.

To Note: Morpheus x Reader.

Word Count: ~4.3k

How dare these humans assume that he is just another cat on the streets! Morpheus is fuming, naturally. He’s been wandering the streets of your hometown, tending to the dreams of the cats, when some mortal picks him up and stuffs him in a cage! How dare they think he’s just another stray! But there’s nothing the Endless can do, as he’s currently barred from shifting back to his human form or using his power due to an agreement with his sibling. It’s a temporary agreement, but nonetheless, he’s stuck as a cat and in the hands of mortals!

Sharp blue eyes glare at the metal grates confining him in a box. Morpheus lets out a displeased rumble. The mortal sitting in the driver’s seat glances at the black feline and chuckles.

“I know, buddy, living on the street was probably freeing, but now you can have a home and not worry about where your next meal will come from!” Morpheus’ eye twitches, and he lets out another huff. The mortal thinks she’s doing him a charity! He has no need for such things nor does he need a home. He already has one within the Waking World. Your home.

Grumpily settling in place, Morpheus turns his eyes to the window above his cage and watches as buildings pass. Help will come, much to Morpheus’ distaste. Reduced to a stray feline... The rest of the car ride to the animal shelter, Morpheus is subjected to subpar singing and baby voices from the woman.

When the woman gets out of the car and carries Morpheus towards a building, his claws dig into the plastic beneath him as he’s jostled. He makes more sounds of an unhappy feline but only receives more babyish cooing from the woman. Never again, he promises himself, he will never allow himself to be in such a compromising position. He’s jostled some more as the woman moves from room to room until the Dream Lord finds himself in a large room that smells of chemicals and other felines. The box is placed on a table, and Morpheus eyes the metal grates when more voices join the woman.

“Where did you find this one?”

“Near the park where we found the others last week. This one seems to be well-fed, so I don’t think he was born feral.” Feral? Morpheus bristles at being called feral... but the conversation only grows worse. “I didn’t see anything that signaled he’d been abandoned, so maybe he ran away.”

“We can check for a microchip. You got the scanner?” A device is passed between the mortals just as the metal grate in front of Morpheus opens. A face appears before hands reach into the cage and grab his body. Morpheus is too stunned by the utter audacity of the mortal to do anything other than let them haul his large body from his confines.

He’s a very large cat. Far larger than the mortals expect, and by far the largest they’ve ever seen. And entirely black. Placed on his feet, Morpheus eyes the mortals as something is waved over his neck.

“He’s not microchipped.” A deeper voice says while Morpheus lets out a disgruntled meow and tries to sulk off the cold table. Hands stop him, pulling Morpheus right back to the center of the table.

“Not microchipped. We can put out a notice with his picture, see if someone recognizes him.” A mortal speaks while hands press against his body. Morpheus reluctantly allows the prodding, not wanting to react in any way other than what’s expected of a feline. He’s beginning to get short-tempered with the touches but withholds lashing out with his claws and teeth... that is until the vet tries to take his temperature...

You haven’t seen Morpheus within the Dreaming in several days... he’s also stood you up on your visits to the park. Not the worst thing in the world, but you’re slightly upset because you sort of kind of have a crush on the Endless and him ghosting you hurts. But you’re not dating, and he doesn’t seem to be romantically interested (at least in your mind, he however…). So you’re morosely sipping a hot drink while staring out a window in your flat, trying not to be depressed. That’s when a black blob flies into your window with a loud smack, startling you.

“What the hell?” You gape, setting your drink down and standing up. Had that been a bird? It’s a little big to be one of the crows you occasionally see in your housing area. As you step up to the pane of glass, you catch sight of a very dazed Matthew sprawled out on the ground just outside. “What the hell, Matthew!” You exclaim, running for the back door of your flat. Exiting the building, you scurry up to the downed bird in confusion.

“I think I scrambled my brain,” Matthew groans while you collect his body. “Totally thought that was an open window.”

“Nope, that window doesn’t open,” you tell him as you carry him into your flat. Depositing him onto the table, you check the rattled raven over for injuries and are happy to see that he has none. “So... why’d you try to fly in here in such a rush?”

“Oh yeah!” Matthew exclaims, snapping to and scrambling to his stick-like feet. “WE’VE GOT TROUBLE!” The raven thunders in your face. You’re about to tell Matthew to tone it down, but he isn’t done. “So the boss is kind of stuck as a cat right now and can’t shift back for a little while, and he just got picked up by animal control!”

You blink, your mind trying to process what Matthew has shouted at you with such fervor.

“Sorry, what was that?” You question, your eyebrows scrunching together.

“Morpheus is stuck in his cat form and the animal shelter is going to neuter him!” Matthew screeches in a bluster, not knowing if the shelter would actually neuter the Endless... but at this point? It’s not out of the realm of possibilities. That’s the usual routine at shelters to reduce the feral population. Only Morpheus isn’t feral. Neither is he a cat.

“How the fuck did that happen?” You blurt out. Matthew waves his wings.

“Fuck if I know! You gotta save him before he gets the snip-snip!”

“Right, probably should do that,” you mutter to yourself, frantically looking for your car keys. You’re out of your flat and in your car in under twenty seconds, not giving Matthew a chance to even tell you what Morpheus looks like as a cat. The raven only hopes that you’ll figure out which cat is Morpheus... and that you make it before his boss loses his dignity.

You’re well frazzled by the time you barge into the town’s local animal shelter. They all look at you in surprise before someone approaches and asks if they can help you.

“My cat,” you blurt out loudly. “He’s— I lost my cat... I was told he was taken here, but I—” You don’t know what to say, because you’ve never seen Morpheus in cat form. You don’t know if he looks like a specific breed, what size he is, or if he has any identifying marks. You know nothing. Luckily, the shelter volunteer doesn’t ask you any questions and simply leads you to the holding room full of cats. You’re overwhelmed; the room is a storage area with several cats sulking about. Shit. He could be any one of them.

“I’ll leave you here to be reunited with your kitty,” the worker tells you. “Doc’s calling; I’ll be away for only a bit.” You watch them walk away and whimper, fearing you won’t be able to pick out who Morpheus is because none of the cats have an ‘Endless’ vibe.

Dropping into a lone chair, you slump your head into your hands with a defeated sound as a few of the cats come up to sniff you. You try to find Morpheus among them, you really do, but none of them act like Morpheus or look like him. Would cat Morpheus even act like the normal Morpheus you’re used to? While you’re almost ready to break down into tears at the thought of Morpheus being stuck as a cat and heaven forbid, neutered, the worker returns.

“Did you find— Oh my, no! Bad kitty!” The worker exclaims, much to your confusion. You look at what they’re staring at, only to find an enormous black cat with a cone of shame standing in front of you and staring into your eyes with the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen. You know that gaze. The cat jumps into your lap and rises on its hind legs to plant its paws on your chest. Relief floods your body because you know this is Morpheus.

Then you notice the bandage wrapped around his hind leg.

“Morpheus, what did you do!?” You sharply exclaim, your hands reaching for the clearly wrapped injury. No wonder he’s wearing the cone of shame! Morpheus begins softly purring to reassure you and assert that he’s fine and there’s no need for you to worry.

“Oh! Is this your cat?” The worker asks as you peer at the feline’s injured leg. It’s tightly wrapped, and most likely the reason for the cone. You look at them and nod.

“Yes, he’s my cat,” you stutter out, your fingers unconsciously running down the feline dream lord’s back. He finds your touch pleasurable and arches his back into your touch. “I... I didn’t realize he’d gotten out.”

I am pleased that you came to rescue me from these deplorable mortals.

“They’re just doing their job,” you automatically chide Morpheus as he lets out a disgruntled meow. “Don’t complain.”

They tried to accost— You cut off Morpheus’ accusing words.

“Not right now,” you tell him before your cheeks grow hot. The worker probably can’t hear Morpheus speaking to you, so it would be odd for you to argue with him while he’s in cat form. What kind of nutty human talks to their cat like this? You clear your throat. “I’m so sorry if he caused you trouble. May I ask what happened? He wasn’t like this last I knew...” The worker waves you off.

“Oh, don’t worry about it. He seems quite attached to you, and some cats just don’t like people other than their owners.” Your hand, which rests on Morpheus’ back, presses down to stop him from going off on a tangent about him being an Endless and no Endless have owners. He doesn’t speak but certainly lets out a rumbling growl to air his displeasure. “When we were giving him a check-up, he didn’t like having his temperature checked. He hurt himself trying to escape the exam room, so cone of shame for him.”

You eye Morpheus with a raised eyebrow, and he just huffs and presses himself further against your chest, practically laying on you. You pat the space between his ears to calm him down as he eyes the worker with a clear warning.

“He’s not usually so mean,” you nervously say, running your fingers down Morpheus’ long back. His fur feels so soft and silky, but you honestly wonder why he’s so big.

I am not mean... and get this deplorable mortal contraption off my neck! Morpheus demands, his eyes staring into yours like pools of cerulean water.

You ignore the grumbling Endless and wrap your arms around his body to hold him against your chest while you stand up. He’s heavy, as expected given his large size... but the Endless decides to help you out by wiggling upwards and placing his paws on your shoulder, holding himself up as best he can with the monstrosity around his neck. He’s graced with a very nice view of your ass and takes that as part of his consolation prize.

“Is there any paperwork I need to do before I take him home?” you ask, wanting to get the grumpy and injured Dream Lord back to your flat before he causes any more chaos or mayhem.

“Just some sign-out paperwork,” the worker cheerfully replies before guiding you to the front desk. While you’re filling out the paperwork, Morpheus reluctantly has to be placed in an animal carrier to be transported back to your flat. You try to ignore his angry yowls and hisses and certainly the threats and exclamations that float into your mind. There are many threats of ‘you dare...’ and ‘I will darken your dreams with nightmares...’

When you get back to your flat and figure out what the hell is going on, you know Morpheus is going to be in one of his moods. It wouldn’t surprise you if you had nightmares tonight. Sighing, you finish the paperwork and return the pen before looking at Morpheus, who has his razor-sharp claws digging into the soft cardboard of the disposable cat carrier that only just fits his size.

“Morpheus!” you exclaim in exasperation. The yowling cat freezes at your call and looks at you, as do the workers trying to get him into the carrier. “Just let them put you in, the sooner you do that, the sooner you can go home.”

I will not—

You point at the carrier more firmly, and Morpheus ceases his grumbles and struggles almost instantly. He doesn’t wish to argue with you or make trouble, so he goes limp and lets the mortals stuff him into the box and close it. They’re shocked by his sudden compliance.

“Wow, he sure listens to you,” the receptionist says as you hold your tongue and dread the retaliation you’ll get for yelling at an Endless. “What kind of breed is he? He’s so big! I’ve never seen a cat with such pretty eyes. He’s a handsome boy.”

“I think he’s got some Maine Coon in him,” you vaguely mutter, taking the offered carrier and glowering cat from a worker. You can hear Morpheus’ soft grumbled hisses about the babying he’s being subjected to. “I’m sorry you had to deal with him. He’s not usually so grumpy.”

“Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m sure he’s just stressed out and wants to go home.” You give the workers a thankful smile before lugging Morpheus back to your car and quickly putting him in the passenger seat.

“Let’s agree to never do that again,” you speak, pulling out of the shelter’s parking lot.

Release me.

“Not now.”

Y/N, you will release me from my confines.

“Not while I’m driving!” Morpheus huffs and tries to get comfortable within his small confines. He’ll be free soon enough. So he stares at you through the little holes in the cardboard box, watching your face scrunch up in concentration. It’s only a short drive to your flat, but by the time you park in your driveway and are lugging Morpheus into your house, the sky has opened up and it’s pouring rain.

Stumbling into your flat, you set Morpheus down and let out a deep breath. You’re soaked. Morpheus is apparently stuck as a cat. This is above your pay grade and you’re not even paid! First things first, get Morpheus out and rid him of that cone before he rages at you. Crouching down, you push your dripping hair over your shoulder and undo the little tabs to open the cardboard box. The moment you do, Morpheus awkwardly shoves his coned head up at you with insistence.

“The receptionist was right,” you murmur to yourself. “You are a very handsome cat.”

While I appreciate your sentiments, this is but a temporary form.

You blink and feel your cheeks grow hot. Right. Morpheus can still hear you perfectly well and communicate just the same.

“Speaking of which, how long are you stuck like this?” you ask, your fingers working to undo the collar. When you have it off, Morpheus jumps out of the box and shakes out his body.

The deal shall wear off in hours, or perhaps a day or two. I know not the exact time, but it is soon. Morpheus explains to you, turning in a circle and shaking the leg with the bandage around it. It itches and he finds the cloth irritating.

“Don’t do that,” you scold him, reaching back to stop him from shaking off the bandage.

It is but a mere scratch that will heal once I return to my mortal form. The Endless promises you, sitting down and staring into your worried eyes. You sigh and raise an eyebrow at the Dream Lord. I would not lie to you.

“Okay, just—keep it on for my sake, please?” you ask, your eyebrows furrowing once more. “I don’t want anything to happen to you.” As you speak, you reach out and brush your fingertips between Morpheus’ ears. The Endless purrs and bumps your fingers, pleased that you’re not terribly upset. He would be despondent should you be upset over such a thing.

Looking down at your soaked attire, you pull your wet shirt away from your skin and grimace.

“Well, now that that has been sorted, I am going to take a shower and get ready for bed. It’s been a long day.” You rise to your feet and begin peeling your clothes off, not really thinking about the fact that Morpheus is in your flat and will definitely be getting a view. The Endless himself is rather in awe of what he sees as you dump your wet clothing in a hamper, now only wearing undergarments. You are an incredibly beautiful human, and oh how he wishes he had the pleasure of acquainting himself with it.

He plans on it. He’s been slowly wooing you over the last few weeks. You both regularly meet at a park, which he consequently missed because of his current condition, and the Endless is now itching to simply declare his intentions with you before someone else comes along and snatches you up. So he follows the route you walked through your flat and then slips through the cracked door into the steamy bathroom.

The shower is on, and you’re humming under your breath as you bathe. Morpheus likes the sound of your voice, your hums even more. He jumps up onto the bathroom counter and sits on the edge, happily listening to you. Waiting. You don’t take long in your shower. You just want to warm up and give your hair a quick wash, nothing too extravagant. When you turn the shower off and draw back the curtains while reaching for your bath towel, you are not expecting to see Morpheus the cat calmly sitting on your bathroom counter, staring at you. With a loud yelp, you quickly cover your naked body with the towel.

“Morpheus!” you hiss at him, mortification now singeing your cheeks. His dark head cocks to the side unperturbed.

We need to speak. You stare at him, wondering if he really just barged into your bathroom and waited for you to get out of the shower. Apparently, he had.

“Do we?” you repeat, craftily maneuvering the towel around your body to better cover yourself. “I’m tired and almost brain-dead. Your little stint at the animal shelter drained me, and I’m still wrapping my head around you being a cat.”

I have many forms... but if you wish to hold off the conversation until the morrow, I will humor you.

“How magnanimous of you,” you dryly reply, walking past him to your bedroom. You make a point to shut the door in his face before he can sneak in so you can change without him peeking at you. This displeases the Endless, and he scratches the door with a paw to make it known. Very known. “I’m changing!” you call back to him, rolling your eyes. He really is acting like a cat.

And I fail to see why you must do so behind a closed door.

“Because I’m naked! That’s why!” Again, he doesn’t understand why you’re being so modest about your body.

You have one of the most beautiful bodies in all of creation, Y/N. Again, may I reiterate my failure to understand why you must have this barrier between us? Morpheus really doesn’t understand why you’re so shy about your complete and utter beauty. If you would just allow him the chance to explain how in love he is with you, then none of this would be necessary! He scratches at the door again, this time with both front paws. Scratch, scratch, scratch. You open the door, dressed in a shirt and underwear, and stare down at the Endless feline in exasperation.

“We are not in a romantic relationship, Morpheus,” you tell him with cheeks aflame. “And I am plain in comparison to those you’ve come across in your life. Let’s not pretend that you’re interested in a mortal, okay?”

I do not appreciate your words of self-demean, Y/N. You have no idea what has gotten his tail in a twist, and you’re not interested in having your heart ripped to shreds by an Endless, so you roll your eyes and go back to drying your hair. Once your hair is moderately dried and ready for bed, you climb into bed and turn out the light with a sigh. Tomorrow, you’re sure that things will return to normal and your odd relationship with Dream of the Endless will go back to the way it was. Just... acquaintances... maybe even friends.

Padding over to the side of your bed, Morpheus jumps up onto the soft surface and walks his way over to your face. You blink at him in confusion.

“You don’t need to stay here while I sleep, you know. I’m sure there are other places you’d rather be.”

I am exactly where I wish to be. Morpheus tells you, rubbing his face against your shoulder to mark you. Then he turns in a circle before settling down next to your chest. You will talk in the morning, and you will finally understand why the Endless spends so much time with you.

“You better inform Matthew that you’re alright,” you murmur, your eyes closing. Your fingers reach out to gently stroke Morpheus’ soft body, and he begins purring. “He was really worried about you.”

Sleep. Such a bossy feline.

You always wake up hot without fail, smothered by blankets and uncomfortable. So when you yawn and snuggle back into your cool mattress, you’re almost keyed into the fact that something is off. But you’re so comfortable and drowsy that you pass off that confusion in exchange for more snuggles with your bed. Then you realize that you’re not exactly sprawled on your mattress, and the coolness you’re feeling is coming from someone else. Dragging your eyes open, you stare at the wall opposite your bed for a few moments in confusion. Then it hits you that you’re half on top of someone, clinging to them with your arm.

“Do you feel rested?” Morpheus’ voice is like a battering ram in your ear, jump-starting your heart and making you physically jerk in place and scramble around so you’re on your hands and knees staring at him. Oh. My. God. He blinks at you expectantly, patiently waiting for an answer. He’s been up since returning to mortal form and has been waiting for you.

“You’re back to normal,” you comment weakly.

“Indeed,” the Endless agrees, tilting his head to the side. “I returned to this form some hours ago.”

“You’re still here,” you dumbly point out. His eyebrow goes up.

“I wish to speak with you regarding a sensitive topic. You asked to wait until the next day to do so, so I have waited.”

“You are naked!” you whisper-shout, trying not to combust or turn into a tomato. God, your body feels so hot at the moment! “And I just slept on you, and you let me!”

“You were deep within your dreams, blissfully resting. I did not wish to tear you from such peace,” Morpheus points out before raising a hand and gently stroking your chin. “Now, before you come up with some other excuse to avoid speaking with me, I shall simply inform you of what has been plaguing my mind these last few weeks.”

You tremble in place, hypnotized by his starry blue gaze that you are more than grateful keeps you from openly gawking at Morpheus’ naked god-like body.

“Okay?” you ask hesitantly, slumping onto your shins.

“I feel for you most ardently, Y/N, and wish to ask permission to court you should you be so willing.” Your brain short-circuits for a few moments as you comprehend what Morpheus has just said. Heart pounding in your chest, you force yourself to remain calm.

“And... you felt the need to tell me this when you are naked?” Morpheus’ lips quirk to the side.

“I believe we have skirted around this topic long enough and the opportunity presented itself.”

“You could have gone back to the Dreaming and gotten changed, or just magicked yourself an outfit,” you point out, your fingers twitching against your bedsheets. It’s getting harder not to look.

“Perhaps, but you were most comfortable and I dared not disturb you.” In essence, he’d returned to human form and let you sleep on his naked body for a good chunk of time. How embarrassing. Clearly, he likes seeing you squirm.

“I should have left you at the shelter,” you gripe at him for teasing you. You receive another smirk as Morpheus teasingly brushes his thumb across your lower lip.

“A lie, surely.”

“Next time you get stuck in cat form? You’re on your own.” You’re all bluster, he knows it. You know it. The entire Dreaming knows it.

Date Published: 7/12/23

Last Edit: 5/28/24

Sequel: The Endless’ Adventure with Animal Control Masterlist

Morpheus Masterlist

[stillness-in-green]

sorry, didn't see the answer until today. thank you for that but I mean proving AFO wrong that Tenko is filled with hatred and destroying and no one can accept him. we know thats a lie now but Tenko still dies?

Hey again, anon. So, I went back and tried to fit this follow-up context into your original ask—answered here for anyone who wants to look over it again.  My initial answer was based on you meaning that AFO should have been “proven wrong” in his assertions about human frailty and how, once someone has been rejected by society and become a Villain, there’s no way for them to come back.  Reconsidering your issue (that Deku killing Shigaraki doesn’t prove AFO wrong) with the knowledge that what you meant was him saying Shigaraki is only capable of hating and destroying things…

I guess in the end I don’t think the story believes AFO is wrong about that either? I mean, obviously he was, back when he first told those words to at-the-time-still-Tenko. But now? Not so much, at least in the author's eyes.

Below, if you want to subject yourself to my reasoning again, you can follow along as I talk myself through getting to that quite jaded conclusion.  My apologies if I misunderstand or misrepresent you again anywhere along the way!  Admittedly, based on my experience with the fandom and what names we choose to use in talking about the characters, I suspect we’re coming at them from radically different positions, but my position is the one I’ve got to offer you. Please know that, to whatever extent we might disagree on how much "Shigaraki Tomura" was ever a legitimate persona, we are united in our opinion that Deku should have done more for him if the story was serious about him being the Greatest Hero.

......

So, okay, the biggest issue with asserting that Shigaraki has any kind of moral core or personality independent of his AFO-instilled hatred/destructiveness is that the best arguments for it all revolve around the League and how Shigaraki wants to be their “Hero,” how that’s contiguous with his personality even from when he was “Tenko” because both fit a pattern of reaching out to the outcasts that everyone else around them ignores or mistreats.

I believed that too!  I still do, in fact!  I want to be clear that I think Shigaraki still has legitimate grievances and that his desire to make a world in which Villains will be happier is still, in its own way, noble and true!

But.

But that glorious spread where Tomura says that even if every bit of his hatred is smashed, he’ll still keep going because he has to be a Hero for the Villains that need him?  That spread comes before the montage showing AFO’s involvement in the Shimuras’ lives from before Tenko was even born.  And part of that montage is the absolutely buffoonish reveal that AFO even influenced Tenko’s sense of heroism by leaning on Tomo and Mikkun (the aforementioned outcasts) to encourage him to be a Hero.  I tend to assume that the two of them were from one of Ujiko’s orphanages—I can’t imagine how else AFO would be in a position to give two random children direct orders!—but whatever the case, it means that even Tenko’s draw towards standing up for outcasts is something influenced by All For One.

If you take that away, what else is left?  I could pick a few little traits here and there, but ultimately, what Shigaraki comes back to in the end, in that very last conversation with Deku in the shared mindspace, is destruction.  He pursued it to the end, his last expressed regret is that he couldn’t carry it out, and his final messages to ally and enemy alike revolve around the destruction he sought—telling Spinner he died fighting for it and telling Deku that it’s up to him and his whether any of what he destroyed actually stays destroyed.

To me, that suggests that the manga does believe that Shigaraki Tomura was, ultimately, an existence that could only destroy, and the fact that some of what he targeted deserved to be destroyed doesn’t negate the fact that he was still ultimately defined by the destructiveness that AFO meticulously crafted him to embody.  Even Deku seems to think that, in the end!

Like, really working through the timeline here?  Deku did want to believe that the Crying Child indicated that Shigaraki had some drive other than destructiveness at his core.  One of the (vanishingly rare) times he actually spoke to Shigaraki during their fight was his refutation of Shigaraki’s claims that he’d successfully devoured The Crying Child and thus transcended his humanity.

Running on the desperate certainty that Shigaraki was wrong/lying, Deku smashes his way into Shigaraki’s core and metaphorically uproots his hatred and psychically holds his hands, and Shigaraki still says that even so, the Villains still need him…  And if it ended there, maybe we could say that AFO was “wrong” in the sense you describe—that while the method Shigaraki uses to Be A Hero For Villains is warped by AFO’s influence, his desire to be that Hero is genuinely his own.  But then we get That Reveal, and even the parts of Tenko that seemed to predate AFO are revealed to be just another aspect of AFO’s machinations—Tenko’s heroism, his sense of injustice, even his very existence, all are indelibly stamped with AFO’s mark.

After that reveal, Deku never again pushes back against claims that Shigaraki can only destroy.  He never pushes back on AFO’s claims of authorship of Shigaraki’s life; he never tries to encourage Shigaraki by insisting that his bonds to the League are real regardless of how AFO raised him.  Heck, he never even suggests Shigaraki still has the chance to figure out who Tenko could be as long as he can break AFO's hold and reject his teaching. No, Deku just…accepts AFO's premise, apparently.

And so I come back to the same conclusion I did before: Deku is angry at All For One, but he does not disagree with All For One.

I genuinely think that, as far as the narrative is concerned, the tragedy of Shigaraki’s ending is thus:

Anyone Shimura Tenko was or could have been was overwritten by All For One’s grooming long ago.  Maybe this could have been prevented if things had gone differently—if Nana had beaten AFO, if someone like Deku had been there to intervene the day of the tragedy, if someone on the street had reached out to him before AFO—but as it stands, Shigaraki Tomura is too far gone to save.[See Note]  Deku can end the monster that was behind it all and try to honor the victims that Shigaraki’s actions brought to light by changing the world that created them for the better, but he cannot save Shimura Tenko because Shimura Tenko was lost long before he and Midoriya Izuku ever met.

(Note: One of those "Maybe If..."s the story dangles is Spinner taking some ill-defined step to help his friend, but my opinions are that disingenuous suggestion are just a long string of profanity. Suffice to say, if Shigaraki could still have been "saved" all the way up to the start of the second war, then the Heroes bear way more responsibility for failing to do so than Spinner ever could, and Deku is even more of a fuckwit for not arguing with AFO's assertions that Tomura is nothing but what AFO made of him.)

Of course we wanted more than that.  Of course we wanted Deku to do more than that!  We spent all that time watching Shigaraki grow and bond with the League—why, if the only reason for that growth and those bonds was to prepare him as a vessel for AFO?  We watched Deku resolve to try to save and/or understand Shigaraki’s heart no matter what—why, if everything in that heart was written in someone else’s hand?

The story told us that the best heroes always manage to both win and save, and that we were reading the story of how Deku becomes the best hero—why, if the story was only going to conclude that Shigaraki’s death at Deku’s hand was inevitable because the harm All For One did was impossible for either of them to overcome?

And to me, at least, that’s why Shigaraki’s death and Deku’s role in it feel so wrong: not for the in-universe reason that Deku and Shigaraki don’t disprove/disavow AFO’s claims, but for the meta reason that My Hero Academia lied to us and wasted our goddamn time.  It spent over two hundred chapters building up Shigaraki Tomura—as a villain, yes, but also as a victim, a friend, an enemy, an ally, someone who existed in the world he was rebelling against—only to then turn around and spend its remaining two hundred chapters tearing him back down to nothing and then telling us that’s all he ever was anyway.

All For One killed that crying child a long time ago, and all Deku can do is wipe away his tears and then wave him goodbye. 

By punching him to death.

It’s hard to imagine a bleaker outcome for the “Tenko” that started Horikoshi’s whole career as a mangaka, but I guess that’s what happens when your chosen career brutalizes you so badly that you come to define a Hero as someone who helps people endure their suffering instead of saving them from it.

...…

...Uh.  So, this got pretty bleak itself in the end.  Sorry, anon, everyone.  I write that way to get my point across, and I’m no little bit bitter about the whole thing myself, but ultimately, I just want to remind everyone that the story is over.  I’m not going to try to turn this whole thing into a positivity post all the way at the end, but just embrace that much: your obligation to care about the things Horikoshi wrote—to the extent that that obligation ever existed—is fulfilled.  If you hate the ending, well, so do I.  But now and forever, we and everyone else can go and do what-the-hell-ever we want to do with the characters and world that Horikoshi left us.

I hope we do.  I’ll be rooting for us!

[justsomefunshit]

About the Roy and Jamie fight:

I think people forget Jamie used to be a real prick. He’s done a real 180, but people who have actually worked on the really bad parts of themselves know that those parts of us don’t just leave. For a character that was introduced as The Prince Prick of All Pricks, his first instinct being lashing out and putting people down, to change so much after so much turmoil in his life (going to Richmond, leaving Richmond, doing the reality show and coming back to Richmond) is beautiful to see. But even after he came back we see a little bit of that instinct coming back. When the team gives him the signal, he starts by saying “I’m no doing it wrong, you’re doing it wrong”. He’s frustrated, but there no need for him to say that. He could just start by explaining. To part of him LIKES being a prick. Because is part of who he is.

Roy was introduced as a rude and angry captain in the end of his legendary career whose response to the world is rage and violence. He’s watching his career end in a mediocre team and doesn’t have any connections with his teammates. The closest relationship he has within the team is with Jamie. The asshole who’s rude to everyone, who has a funny and kind girlfriend, the one who he already knows is going to be a legend. Roy’s change comes later, slower, because, just like Zava could, legends can get away with things other people can’t. Nobody asked Roy to change. Richmond didn’t care that Roy was an absent captain. That he was violent. Sky sports didn’t care that he swore on live tv. Ted didn’t ask him to change when he asked him to come back. It was only in the middle of this season that Rebecca gave him a real talk.

And then we come to their interactions this episode. Roy sees jamie and keeley hugging and assumes the worst. He asks jamie out for a beer, something we know never happened bc jamie hasn’t had beer in months. We have the callback of the fist bumps, now offered by Roy. In the bar, Roy is obviously sincere when he says that he’s proud of jamie (but I honestly think he was going for a compliment sandwich), but he immediately segways into the subject of keeley. He’s so insecure in his relationship with keeley (and probably with Jamie) that it comes of possessive and dismissive of Jamie. We can see in his face that he means it as a competition, as if HE won. And Jamie responds in kind, reaching for the prince pricks of all pricks that lives in him, and that Roy can access easier then anyone. They have more equal ground now, they both like and respect each other. But they are both also highly competitive, both insecure, both known for lashing out when cornered, Jamie with his words and Roy with his fists. Jamie knew what he was doing when he talked about the video. He WANTED to hurt Roy. And roy responded how he used to, because Jamie acted like he used to.

And that is the nail on the coffin to Roy. The next morning he asks to be a diamond dog. Because he baited Jamie and he knew it. And when jamie baited him back, he fell for it. He asked for everything that happened the night before, and I can bet you that it was jamie that suggested they go talk to keeley. And it was jamie that offered dinner. Because jamie HAD to change, and Roy witnessed him doing it. He knows is possible, he’s seen it, and he finally realized he can’t do it alone, bc he’s been trying and fell back as soon as his insecurities hit a little harder. And he brought his best friend down with him, even after seeing and experiencing his change. He asked for help because he doesn’t know how to deal with having a best friend, someone who knows you, who challenges you, who makes you feel like you can do better.

Because that’s what happens when you have real and vulnerable relationships. No one can hurt you more then your best friend, because they know you better then anyone. The people who know you are the ones that can bring the worst out of you. And you cans also bring the worst out of them. Roy already knows Jamie tries very hard not to do this. The least he can do is try to learn too.

(This is not a defense of the behaviour, it’s just been driving me insane that people are saying it out of character. It’s not. It’s a natural response and a callback and a demonstration of HOW MUCH their relationship changed that they stop fighting to come to a “better”conclusion (it’s not), and then get dinner together. No hard feelings.)

[chamerionwrites]

Semi-relatedly and conversely there is this phenomenon in fiction I always want to talk about, but hesitate to talk about because I fear coming across as prescriptive, when I don’t think there’s any One True And Correct Answer here so much as just. A pattern worth talking about.

Which is that it is pretty common for narrative depictions of certain kinds of violence - I’m thinking of torture, specifically - to either subtextually evoke or very textually represent sexual violence as a kind of shorthand for violence in general. (I’m not only or even primarily talking about fandom here - but I do think it’s worth pointing out as an aside that even if that connection isn’t explicit in the text, fandom can frequently be relied on to make it explicit.) And on the one hand this is reasonably true to life, in that where you find torture you more often than not also find rape. On the other hand, this can sometimes feel quite troubling within the context of a media environment that is often cavalier AT BEST about depicting torture - like creators and/or audiences need the sexual violence part tacked on in order to take it seriously. On yet another hand, within that context of torture all too often being framed as heroic, maybe there’s some value in pointing out that if someone is down for one sort of dehumanizing boundary-crossing abuse of power they’re not unlikely to be down for another sort. On another hand the metaphor sort of writes itself, and the engine of narrative runs on symbol and theme and metaphor, so maybe it’s not surprising that stories about power and violence and violation reach for very visceral and recognizable examples of The Things They’re About. On another hand it sometimes feels really suggestive of who is writing stories that sexual violence is treated is like the visceral and recognizable (and relatable to the assumed audience?) example while state violence (again, these things are far from mutually exclusive) is so often treated like an abstraction. On another hand it’s kind of wild that sexual violence in its own right is so often downplayed and tiptoed around and relegated to subtext in narratives, but then gets used as a kind of shorthand almost to the exclusion of any other narrative representation of torture.

Anyway that’s a lot of hands, and like I said I’m raising a question more than arguing a point here, and I’m not even saying I want to see a ton of people talking about it (ngl I cringe at the thought of the wildly insensitive and dogmatic social media takes this subject could generate), but idk. I do find it slightly surprising that I’ve practically never heard it even brought up.

[thatdehydratedmedic]

How I wish I had studied during my A levels

I want to start by saying this is NOT a guide. If anything, It comes closest to being a disorganized rant. Its basically what I would tell myself if I could go back in time. I wrote down that I’d also slap my past self. But my better judgement suggests that I should be kinder to myself. I’d give her a hug. She did the best with what she had when she finally tried, and I applaud and thank her for that. She was so brave and so, so, kind. I truly appreciate her effort. If not for her strength I would not be here today. Here’s a kiss to her forehead. I celebrate the immense trust she had in God and her love for me. My love, past self, you were so strong, I love you. You feel more and more distant from me every day, and yet you burn bright, scarlet red. You truly were a teenager full of rage.

1. Past papers

Past papers are the BEST resource for scoring good marks at A-Level. They provide a great insight into the question types as well as prepares you to answer questions in the way that examiners expect you to answer for them to give you a good grade. Doing past papers will help familiarize yourself with patterns and will make you less likely to suffer from exam anxiety later on. Regretfully, I barely did any past papers, especially at A2 level. For each subject I did, I can count on one hand the number of papers I've done. I did do quite a few Dhivehi HSC papers. (SSC papers also help for Dhivehi HSC btw)

2. YouTube videos

YouTube videos are great if you're looking to improve your understanding of a specific concept. This is especially helpful fur biology and math. Personally, I did not use YouTube at all for chemistry, however, I am inclined to believe that many would find it helpful and really urge everyone to make good use of it. When I was cramming for my A2 exams and had only about 2 weeks left I realized the sheer amount of content I had missed as I had skipped so many classes. I do wish I had at least started watching YouTube videos to catch up on the syllabus a bit earlier.

3. Skimming through textbooks

I do not have much to say regarding textbooks except that when I thought it would be useful, it wasn’t – and when I thought it would not be useful, it was. I assume that’s just my misassumption. I most likely some of you will be more perceptive of when you should reach out for it. However, I did find that at times when I had missed many classes it certainly did help to go through the textbook after attempting a past paper to no avail. I mostly suggest just reading through the contents, learning outcomes and processes, as I found that reading the processes did indeed help grasp them better, such as the Kreb’s cycle and all the neuron and muscle processes. (I forgot them all, can you tell? Let this be a reminder to you to NOT procrastinate, get off TikTok and Genshin impact and start grinding)

4. Anki Cards

If you’re an aspiring medical student like me, I’m sure you would’ve heard of Anki cards already. If not, Anki is basically a flashcard app, like Quizlet but better. I would get into the details but everyone always says the same thing and I do not want to sound like a broken record. You should look it up and when you do, you’ll see what I mean. Regardless, I found Anki especially helpful for Biology and Islam. These 2 subjects are memorization heavy, and although people do say you should not use Anki to learn but should use it for recall, I digress. Use it however you want, and besides – I was way beyond saving at this point. When I was cramming for Islam just 3 days in advance, Anki was the way to go. Took 2 days to make the cards and memorized them all on the last day. Don’t do that though. Halfway through and I’ve forgotten what the title was. What I would’ve done differently. How silly. I would’ve made cards early and actually used the cards as I should have. But if you’re like me and procrastinate like a little bitch, don’t fret. You’ve still got this.

5. Paying attention in class and not being late

I’m not going to pretend I regret missing math class. Maybe a little because I ended up failing (getting a B) but not enough to make me cry. (Lies.) But anyways, for a class that was 45 minutes long, I showed up 30 minutes late. Math was always first for the entire year. And for a night owl like me, this meant that there was nothing you could do to make me get to school on time. I am a changed person. I promise I go to work on time no matter what now. But back then I only had 2 things in mind. Have fun and get rest. That was not a good mindset. I was spaced out the entire class. I do regret this. Everyday, every week, every month, for 2 years, I paid almost 0 attention in class. On the rare occasions which I did, I learnt so much, unless I was scrambling to understand because I hadn’t paid attention on earlier days. For the lessons which days I did the classwork and participated during lessons, I found that I had an easier time understanding them later on. Genuinely, if anyone reads this, I’m sure you’re laughing at this paragraph because who even states such an obvious thing right? Well, back at you, my friend. Sometimes we do need the obvious to be stated in bold and highlighted in yellow.

6. More religious – focus on what matters (SKIP THIS IF YOU’RE NOT MUSLIM!!)

As you can already tell, I was a very irresponsible little bitch during my A levels. Too With 0 discipline, I was not as religious as I wish I had been. Albeit I did pray Tahajjud almost daily, I was very lost in the worldly life. I was not focused on my Akhira at all. This led me to living very freely and without regret. However, the numerous distractions couldn’t put a will to live inside me. Although I had been outwardly very happy and outgoing, it was a depressing time. Only a few levels above rock bottom, but that’s a story for another day. I did reconnect with Allah close to A levels. Not because I wanted good grades but because I had gone too far away. In the end, my closeness with Allah helped me to regain my motivation to study, and was the driving force to start cramming, even in the little time I had. If I could go back in time, I would recite Quran for an hour every day, and do my dhikr in addition to Tahajjud.

7. Wearing less makeup

As you might have already guessed, I was a pretty shallow person during that time and made sure to have a full face of makeup every day. This is not to say that you become a shallow person if you wear a full face of makeup every day. It is only my personal experience that when I wear makeup, it’s usually for shallow reasons. I would spend hours every day getting ready even after waking up late. In essence, my priorities were all jumbled up. It’s not that I would wear less makeup, but I would not place such high importance for my looks, especially over my studies. Studies would come first, looking good will come after. Besides, who cares if I’m pretty if I fail my finals? As a young girl, I cared too much.

8. Quality over quantity in friendships and leave the romantic pursuits for later

As someone who had been bullied almost my whole life, I was thrilled to finally learn how to get along. I made many friends during A levels. This new found sense of belonging did not translate well in my academics. I was distracted. I prioritized my friends more than my studies. I became more confident in my romantic pursuits as well. In the end, I lost sight of what mattered the most and ruined my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to change my life. I failed my parents and my family. I failed myself.

9. Believe in myself

I used to loath myself terribly. I guess to an extent I still do. This is entirely my own fault I suppose, and it wouldn’t matter if it did not affect anyone else. Unfortunately, my lack of self esteem has disappointed my family and teachers. Everyone except me believes in me. This is not a blessing but a curse. Because this has only led to me disappointing them all. At the end of the day, I am despised for being lazy. I avoided attending classes, self-studying, doing any form of practice or revision for months because I was terrified of failure. Insecurity turned to self-sabotage. The humiliation I failed in the end was greater than what I would have if I had been honest with myself to begin with. I will admit, a lot of these issues came from the fact that my teachers and parents called me a gifted child. Without offering any guidance or support, this so-called ‘love’ suffocated me. I was afraid of not meeting their expectations. They couldn’t possibly know I was not the brightest child ever if I never tried. Their comments always seemed to swing between two opposites. Sometimes it was, “It’s okay. You’re doing so well and you’re barely trying.” And when they would decide to no longer look at me through their eyes of mercy they’d say, “You’re arrogant. You’ll never make it. You think you can do it but we know with that little effort you can’t.” How ignorant. I believed I would never make it, regardless of whatever effort I made. To this day I do not know what life would be like if I had worked hard with confidence. Do me a favor, dear, reader, and let me know. The alternative is turning out like me, btw.

10. Maintain a healthy lifestyle

I’ve never been to a psychiatrist, but I can confidently say I have mental issues. I assume its depression but what would I know, I’m no psychiatrist. I am always tired, dehydrated, sleep deprived and starving. Oftentimes I shiver and I am constantly cold. I shake with anxiety in the face of people. Nothing seems worth spending my time on. I never exercise, I am always in bed, rotting. That is until I go to work. Have I mentioned I work at a hospital? Although I work shift duties, this work has given me a sense of routine. I enjoy speaking to patients. Even on my worst days, I find that helping people gives me a sense of accomplishment and goal. I lose track of time. I am so engrossed I don’t even realize when the day passes by. That said, I believe a healthy life style would greatly benefit anyone. Get enough sleep, drink enough water, eat well, rest and move. My caffeine-addicted-back-broken-ass with no sense of day or night anymore won’t. But you definitely should. I won’t, obviously, but if you do it will only be for your own good.

As I've already mentioned, this is not a guide in any way, and is not meant to be used as such. This is merely myself reflections and what I wish I had done differently. These are my flaws I wish to change going forward. That said, it would make me happy if this ended up helping someone out, somehow.

[allsortsedits]

Tutor

Pairing: Eddie Munson x Gender neutral reader

Summary: You offer to tutor Eddie and feelings start bubbling up from the past

Warnings: Little bit of bullying, Lots and lots of fluff (tell me if i missed any)

You saw him slump in his seat. Eyes rolling and looking annoyed at Miss O’Donnell. You couldn’t blame him. She’s basically just announced to the class that Eddie is failing this subject. It’s your final year and if he doesn’t pass this class he doesn’t graduate for a third time. You liked Eddie you really did. He always caught your eye. Small moments no one else would. The way he looks after Dustin and Mike, how he takes care of the stray animals that wonder into the school grounds

But you knew Eddie didn’t see you. You were quiet and kept to yourself. Studied in the library and read there during lunch breaks. Transporting yourself to a different world away from this one. “I’ll do it” Miss O’Donnell just smiles at you and thanks you. You feel Eddie’s eyes on you now but you refused to meet his eye. Didn’t want to see how he looked at you. How he must think you did it out of pity. You knew how he thought, you knew he wasn’t one to play by the rules

“Hey! Hey wait! Y/N!” You heard his voice coming from behind you as you walked out of class. He knew your name? You didn’t think he knew you existed. You turn around and face him. “Uhm you don’t have to do this. I know you don’t actually want to help me” Eddie explains looking a little intimidating but he also had a hint of nervousness in his voice. “I want to Eddie. You deserve to graduate. We all do. I want to tutor you” You finally look at him and watch his expression turn from looking hard to his face softening

“You really want to? You’re not playing?” He rubs the back of his neck looking at you feeling sheepish that he just assumed. “Yeah I do. Is the library okay?” You two make plans to meet at the library during your free period and for the first time you see Eddie smile. It’s a very pretty smile and it reached his eyes making them shine in a way. He watches as you walk away heading towards the library for lunch. He wondered if you often ate alone? Were you always there? Were you often by yourself? He can’t recall ever seeing you with anyone else

Of course, Eddie noticed you. You were always so kind to everyone, even those who didn’t deserve your kindness. You had a very caring aura he could only place as the color yellow. You may be very quiet but he knows a kind soul when he sees one. And you were one of the rare ones. As if someone like you would ever look in his direction. He was basically the opposite of you. He was known as a satanist, cult leader. Someone dangerous who should be avoided

“So do you understand now?” You ask him gently as he reads through your notes from the class. “Yeah I think so?” He flicks through your thorough notes and admires your handwriting. It’s pretty and he can actually read it unlike his own handwriting. “You can keep those if you’d like. I have another copy at home” You push them closer to him as he looks surprised. “You sure?” He raises an eyebrow at you while you nod

“Thank you” He says softly as he takes your notes and carefully placed them in his bag. He doesn’t want to ruin these notes. “For what?” You’re confused. “For wanting to even help me. I don’t think anyone else cares if i pass or fail” He shrugs his shoulders. You slump your shoulders in defeat. It saddens you that no one in your grade level is willing to help a fellow classmate graduate. “It’s okay really. Did you want to meet here again tomorrow?” You flick your eyes to him. You haven’t been able to look at him this entire time

He tries to meet your eyes but you keep avoiding his gaze. Is he really that bad looking? That you didn’t even want to meet his eyes? But he caught your eyes for that one split second. He wishes you’d look at him. Really look at him. “Uhm yeah if that’s okay with you? You don’t have plans?” He doesn’t want you to cancel anything you might have on. “I don’t have any plans. I’d be happy to help you out” You shake your head softly

“Then yeah! Okay. We’ll meet here again tomorrow. Same time?” He gathers his own books in his arms ready to attend the last class of the day. “Same time. And Eddie?” You add at the end. He stops gathering his stuff and waits. “Yeah?” He says gently. “After seeing what you know today. You’re smarter than what you let on. I believe you’re gonna graduate this year” You gather your own things stating what you know. He definitely knows the stuff being taught in class so you don’t know why he’s failing

He’s shocked that you caught on. He does know what’s being asked of him in class he just couldn’t be bothered to actually do the work. No one believes in him only his uncle. Even his Hellfire group make fun that he’s failed twice. But after spending his free period with you and you even saying you know he’s smarter than what he lets people see makes him think again. Maybe he should start using what he knows. He might actually pass the class

“So how’s studying with the person you’ve been pining over since junior year?” Gareth nudges Eddie as he takes another slice of pizza and leans back down into the couch. Eddie freezes. Surely Gareth didn’t know how long Eddie’s liked you for? “Oh come on man, you’re not subtle at all. You’re always looking for them in the crowd” Gareth takes a bite just shrugging his shoulders. “They actually believe i’m gonna graduate this year. Told me that i’m smarter than what i’m letting on” Eddie tells Gareth what you said. How he keeps trying to meet your eyes but you absolutely refuse to meet his

“Maybe they like you? Quiet people like them get flustered easily” Gareth tries to ease Eddie’s mind. He knew his friend liked you a whole lot. Anytime you would walk into the cafeteria Eddie would always be watching you making sure you’re okay. Making sure Jason and his goons leave you alone and don’t give you a hard time. “What if…. What if they don’t? What if secretly they actually hate me?” Eddie slumps into the couch not even paying attention to the film anymore

“Eddie if they hated you they wouldn’t have offered to tutor you even though you clearly don’t need it. You should show them that B you got in the test today” Gareth shoves Eddie’s test he took at the end of the day showcasing the impressive red inked B in the corner of his page. In truth you were the first person Eddie wanted to tell. But then he was afraid you’d cancel tomorrow because he didn’t need your help. He just liked spending time with you

“Maybe…. Since we’re all nearly finished. Maybe you could ask them to prom?” Gareth says in all seriousness. Eddie scoffs. He’s never been one to attend those dances. No one ever asks him. And the one time someone did it was a prank. He showed up at their front door, flowers in hand when her parents answered the door. They told him her date had already picked her up. He’s never felt so embarrassed in his life.

“They’d never agree to go with me. Remember last time?” Eddie looks to Gareth who then looks to Eddie. “She was a bitch. She didn’t even like you” Gareth tries to make Eddie feel better. He was Gareth’s best friend and he knows you like Eddie. He’s seen the soft looks you shoot his way when you think no one is looking. He knows. You two just needed a push. “Just think about it?” Gareth asks his friend. Eddie gives in and lets out a big sigh. “Yeah okay. I’ll think about it” He nods his head

The next few weeks you and Eddie hung out everyday in your free period. Studying all the different subjects. You were overjoyed when he shared his impressive B. He felt a wave of warmth spread through him when you exclaimed how happy you were for him. He felt like you two had grown closer. You looked more comfortable to be around him. And he knew it had nothing to do with him personally it’s just that you normally kept to yourself. But he was of course still really happy when you looked more at ease in his presence

He took his chance. A few days ago he decided he wanted to attend prom this year. Mainly because he finally received the news he was no longer failing and that he would graduate. He hasn’t shared that bit of information with you afraid you’d stop your daily routine of hanging out and studying together. “So uhh… You got a date for prom?” He stutters out. You make him nervous

You actually meet his eyes today. He finally gets to hold your gaze and you have the prettiest, kindest eyes he’s ever seen. He’s basically melted onto his chair. You know a lot of people in your class have dates. None of them have shown interest in you. Besides you’d really like to go with Eddie but didn’t know how to ask him. “No… Think i’ll sit this one out” You shake your head and miss the disappointed look in Eddie’s eyes. “Do you?” You look at him again

“Do i what?” He completely forgets what you’re asking him. “Do you have a date for prom?” You ask. He shakes his head. “No one wants to take the freak” Now it’s your turn to look disappointed. How he thinks no one would go with him. “Thank you” Eddie says after a long pause. “For what?” You don’t know why he’s saying thank you. “For helping me out. No one has helped me this much and i really do appreciate you helping me” Eddie smiles softly in your direction

“It’s no problem really. I’ve enjoyed our time together. And like i said a few weeks ago. You didn’t exactly need the tutoring. I think you just needed someone to believe in you” You also smile on his direction. “Really? You have?” Eddie is surprised. He thought you couldn’t wait to leave. “No really I have! It’s been nice not being by myself all the time. Reading my books” you give out a little laugh which is music to Eddie’s ears. “What books do you read?” He wants to keep you talking. You’re actually having a conversation with him

“Currently Lord Of The Rings” You pull out your copy making Eddie shift his seat closer to you. Your shoulders brushing making you blush at the closeness. “Shit!! This is a limited edition copy! How did you get it?!” He gawks at the book. He’s never seen a book look so pretty. “I just really like books and found it” You let him look through the pages. “Damn you’re lucky. I couldn’t even afford a limited edition of this book” Eddie traces the book. “You like Lord of The Rings?” you ask. Eddie nods his head and you two bond over the world of elves, hobbits and magic for the rest of the day

“It’s a very kind gift for that boy” Your mum shoots you a kind smile as you finish wrapping up a present. Placing a pretty red bow on top. You smile at your mum. “He’s just worked so hard on passing. He’s finally getting to graduate and I think this is a nice present” You talk to your mum about everything. After all it’s just you and her. “He’s going to love you for it” Your mum kisses the top of your head

“He doesn’t like me like that” You gently play with the ribbon. “But you do” Your mum says gently. You nod your head. Yes you do. You like Eddie a whole lot. You have since junior year. It wasn’t anything special. Just Jason picking on you for reading instead of watching the basketball game. Eddie came to your defence saying that what you were reading was more entertaining than what was happening on the court. You never forgot Eddie after that

And prom was next week and the week after was graduation. You were very happy knowing that Eddie would walk that stage getting his diploma. You were so proud of him for putting in the work you just had to get him a gift. You did consider him a friend after all. “I’m proud of you. For stepping out of your comfort zone and helping him” She praised you. It’s not every day you willingly put up your hand wanting to help someone. You always keep to yourself

You’ve never had anyone over, or talked about any friends. Because you don’t exactly have any apart from Eddie. So you really hoped he liked the gift. It wasn’t easy to get but you got it. You hoped you weren’t crossing an invisible line in your friendship with him. You planned on giving it to him tomorrow. Even though you two were pretty much done with school work you still found that he came to the library every free period like clockwork. And you’d sit together and talk about anything really. You really really liked him and a small part of you hoped he felt the same way

It made you wonder why he kept coming to the library. After all Miss O’Donnell was more than pleased to tell Eddie he had finally passed her class and that he would in fact be graduating with his fellows classmates this year. It was nice finally having someone to talk to during your free period and lunch times. But you thought he was always with his group Hellfire. You shook your head to yourself thinking that maybe they were all just busy getting ready for the end of yet another year

Wayne watched from the porch as Eddie was scurrying around the trailer park picking the brightest coloured flowers he could find. When Eddie had expressed he wanted to attend prom this year all Wayne could think about was that one year. Eddie had asked this girl to prom who obviously said yes. He was so excited to be attending a dance with a pretty girl it didn’t even occur to him that she had played him

She had obviously already got a date to prom but thought it would be funny to embarrass the freak of Hawkins High. Her date picked her up and took her to the dance. Eddie had arrived not too soon after with flowers in hand and a corsage to match her dress. However when he knocked on that door the parents told him her date had already picked her up and that he must be mistaken

He ended up going back to the trailer and told Wayne what had happened. Eddie was far too embarrassed to even cry about the situation so the two Munson men just sat down in the living room and watched movies until the crack of dawn. Eddie was again the talk of the school when he walked through those doors and he just did his best to hide away and try to get through the day

Wayne didn’t want that to happen to his boy again. But he also knew that this was different. Eddie had told Wayne that you helped him pass Miss O’Donnells class and that you were part of the reason why he finally gets to graduate this year. So Wayne let Eddie be. He let him go out and pick the wildflowers from outside the trailer knowing Eddie just wanted to impress you. Wayne was cautious about you as he had never met you

Wayne hoped that if you didn’t feel the same way about Eddie as Eddie did for you that you would be gracious and kind about it. He’s heard your name a few times since junior year. He remembers Eddie telling him that Jason Carver had ruined his DnD campaign by knocking over the pieces and crumbling up the storyline Eddie had written

He remembers Eddie telling him that you had helped him pick up the pieces and finding the crumpled up pieces of paper and smoothing them out as best you could. Even complimenting his work as you did so. Eddie never forgot you after that

You placed Eddie’s gift in your locker ready to give to him. You really hoped he liked it as he deserved to have a special little something to say how proud you were of him. That’s when you felt a slight tap on your shoulder making you jump. “Sorry! Sorry… Didn’t mean to scare you” You heard his voice behind you. You turn around and you can’t help but feel surprised and smile at the boy

“These…. Uhm these are for you” He shyly gives you the bunch of flowers which you happily take. They were gorgeous. You wanted to press them in a book and preserve them they were that pretty. “Thank you Eddie. I uh I have something for you too” You turn back around placing the flowers upright in your locker and grabbing Eddie’s gift

You timidly give it to him who looks shocked. “You…. You uhh got something for me?” Eddie takes the gift and looks to you. “It’s like a graduation gift. And I wanted to give you something” You wait patiently for him to open it when his mouth drops open like a goldfish. He runs his hand delicately across the front cover. He cannot believe you got this for him. He couldn’t even imagine how long it took you to find

Shocking the both of you he throws his arms around your body encasing you in a warming hug. It took you a moment but you hugged him back. When he felt your arms around him he felt something he never felt before. “Thank you” He whispers. “You’re welcome” You whisper back. He finally pulls away. “Limited edition of Lord of The Rings. I can’t thank you enough” He smiles at you

You shake your head softly. “I wanted to” You smile back at him. He remembers why he gave you the flowers. “Y/N…. I was wondering…. If you didn’t have any plans….. Or if you actually wanted to….. Would you like to go to prom with me?” He fidgets with his rings feeling incredibly nervous. You’re shocked but you smile grabbing onto his hands making him look at you. “I’d love to go to prom with you” You smile even more so now

“Okay great! Uhm I’ll pick you up?” He offers. He wants to do this night right for you. You nod and pull out a pen and some paper. Writing down your address and phone number in case he ever wants to call you. The bell rings and you head off in different directions for some final classes before prom and graduation

It was finally Prom night. You and Eddie decided to be matching. You would wear a red piece as it’s Eddie’s favourite colour and he would wear a red tie to match your outfit. Wayne helped Eddie get ready but he absolutely refused to tame his hair even for tonight. It was still out and wild and curly as ever

On the way to your place Eddie got a little nervous. What if the same thing happened again? No. You wouldn’t do that. Would you? He begins tapping his finger against the wheel to calm down his nerves. He finally made it to yours. He knocked on the door and waited. Your mum answers the door. “You must be Eddie! Please come in. They’re nearly ready” He slowly steps inside your house

“Thank you Mrs-“ He starts but she cuts him off. “Please call me Fae” She says smiling at the boy. “You have a nice house Fae” He says looking around. “I’ve heard lots about you Eddie” Her smile spreading warmth through him. “Good things I hope” He laughs nervously. “Of course. You look very handsome” She compliments him as you come out of your room finally and Eddie’s jaw drops. You’re stunning

“Do I look okay?” You ask nervously. Your mum waits for Eddie to say something as your question was directed at him. “You look…. You look beautiful” He mutters making you smile. Your mum makes the two of you pose different positions taking lots and lots of photos. “Can we make a stop? Back at mine? I think my uncle would like to take some photos too” Eddie quietly asks you as your mum keeps snapping pictures

“Yeah of course! That’s fine” You nod your head leaning in closer to him as he pulls you on your waist. You both wave goodbye to your mum and Eddie drives you both back to his trailer. Yes Wayne would like photos but Eddie also wanted to show Wayne how good of a person you are

Wayne thought it was strange as he saw his nephew hop out of the van. Maybe it happened again? But Eddie looks a little nervous as he comes inside. “Eddie?” Wayne asks cautiously. “Uhm… They’re in the van. We came back here so you could take photos” Eddie explains. Wayne smiles a little knowing the time. You two would run late if you came back here for photos and yet you did

Wayne grabs his camera as Eddie gets you from you the van. When Wayne came out and saw you holding onto Eddie’s hand he smiled. You seemed nervous. He saw you playing with Eddie’s rings. He felt bad that he may be the cause of you feeling anxious. “I’m Wayne, Eddie’s uncle” He gently holds out his hand to shake yours. You take it and Wayne notices how gentle you were. “I’m Y/N, I’ve been tutoring Eddie. He’s my friend”

You and Wayne exchange smiles and you go back to lacing your fingers with Eddie’s as you both pose for the camera. Eddie loves the feeling of holding your hand in his. It feels natural. Once the photos finish up Eddie leads you back the van helping you back in. You both wave to Wayne as Eddie backs out and starts to drive towards the school

“You look really handsome Eddie” You turn to looks at him as he turns into the school. “Thank you” Eddie smiles and he feels his cheeks warm. He finally parks the van and smiles to himself. He made it to prom this time. He has an actual date this time. And you’re just simply beautiful. “You ready?” You ask him looking at him. He nods and you both hop out of the van and Eddie quickly makes his way to your side. You hold onto his arm as you both enter the dance

You and Eddie were gently swaying to the music with his hands resting on your hips and yours resting around his neck. Eddie looked a little uncomfortable as the whispers started. You heard them too. “freak” “pity” “paid” You feel him slowly let you go but you hold him tighter. “You okay?” You whisper so only he can hear you. “Yeah it’s just jerks i guess” Eddie shrugs

You look around the room and you see people laughing. Some are ignoring the scenes going around but it annoys you that Eddie is seen that way. “Want to give them something worthy of talking about?” You ask with a little smile. “Like what?” Eddie’s curious. “Kiss me” You look at him. Really look at him. You see him smile and you see the question in his eyes before he even asks

“I want to. I’ve wanted to for a while” You leaning closer to him and he can feel your breath on his skin. “Good. Because so have i” You don’t get to be shocked for long for before you feel his lips against yours. He pulls you closer and you do the same to him. Not wanting to let him go. You feel a hand of his cradle your cheek

You both pull away but stay very close to each other. “You like me?” Eddie breathes out. You nod “For a while” You smile. “Good. Because I like you too” Eddie matches your smile. You rest your head on his chest as he sways you both to the music. He rests his head on yours and holds you slightly tighter. “I’m so happy right now” Eddie rubs his thumb along your skin. “Me too” You give him a little squeeze

“You’re the Aragorn to my Arwen Eddie” You couldn’t help but let out a light laugh. “Really?!” Eddie laughs as well. “Well, you’ve certainly got the hair for it” You play with his hair. He spins you around pulling you back to his chest. You loop your arms around his neck kissing him again. He sinks into your kiss and the room fades away

[btsficsandsuch]

Okay love how An Ungodly Dream started!!!

Thank you for taking my request into consideration, I love it, of course I would like a little more angsty part, you can take as much time as you like, I'm in no hurry and neither should you💜💜

Here’s part 2! This one gets pretty angsty. Warning: Mentions of demons/demon activity, Death, Also gets suggestive. PART 1 HERE

An Ungodly Dream

Even if you had 1,000 chances to guess how you’d be spending a Thursday night you never would’ve guessed sitting in your living room talking to a demon but here you are. “Soooo Yoongi, were you born a demon or how did this happen?”, you asked unsure if that was even okay to ask but you weren’t sure about boundaries when it came to demons. He chuckled, “It’s kind of a long story but no I wasn’t born a demon. I actually signed a contract with this guy and in exchange for him doing something for me I agreed to become one his servants.” You nodded unsure of what your next question should be.

Yoongi could tell that you had a lot more on your mind. He began, “Look Y/N there’s a lot about this you’ll never understand but I’ll try to make it as simple as I can. About six years ago I was really in love with this girl. She was my everything. One day she passed out at home and after they ran some tests in the emergency room they told us she had incurable brain cancer and was given three months to live. I was devastated and I knew I’d do anything to not loose her.” He ran his hands over his face and sighed. This story was clearly hard for him to tell but he continued anyways, “One night shortly after that, I went to a bar to try and drink away the pain. While there I met a man who told me his name was Jin. He said he could take away any pain in the world in exchange for something small. He had my attention so I followed him to a back room. He pulled out a piece of paper that I didn’t really understand but at the time I didn’t really care. He basically said he would heal my girlfriend so that she’d be cancer free and all I had to do was agree to work for him. In my drunken grieving state I didn’t even ask any questions, not even how he knew about the cancer when I never even told him that. I signed the paper and before I could say anything else he was gone. Well a week goes by and I assume it must’ve just been a drunken dream because nothing has happened. Then we go to my girlfriends appointment and there are like nine doctors from all over the world. One of them pulls up her brain scan from the day before and tells us how the cancer is completely gone. They’ve never seen anything like it before and it’s a medical miracle that she was cancer free. I was ecstatic. The love of my life was healed and no longer weeks from death. I didn’t even think about the contract that I signed. So a couple weeks go by and I come home from work and hear a strange sound coming from the bedroom. I gently pushed opened the door and saw my girlfriend in bed with another guy. When I confronted them she told me that she had a new lease on life or some bullshit like that and didn’t want to be tied down to one person any more. So I packed a bag and went back to the bar to drink away the heartbreak. That’s when I felt a tap on my shoulder and saw Jin standing there. He told me how he had held up his end of the contract and now it was my turn. So I’ve spent the last six years doing his bidding all for a girl who in the end didn’t even love me and I have no way out of it.”

You were speechless. Yoongi’s eyes didn’t move from the the coffee cup on the table in front of him. After some time you reached out and grabbed his hand, “I’m really sorry that happened to you Yoongi. I really am.” He gave you a small smile. “Any other questions?”, he asked trying to change the subject. “Um yeah a ton but I don’t even really know where to begin. What kind of things do you normally do for this Jin guy? Is there anyway for you to break the contract? Maybe a lawyer or something?” Yoongi chuckled at that, “Do you really think there are lawyers that specialize in demon contracts? No there’s no way out. Either fulfill the contract or cease to exist basically. As far as what I do. I do a little bit of everything. I’m a master of all trades.” There was that cockiness again that you hated but also kind of found attractive. He continued, “It depends on why I was summoned or what Jin had planned for me. Sometimes I’ll make deals with people and have them sign contracts to lure them in. Sometimes I’ll be an incubus if that’s what is requested of me.” You cleared your throat unsure if you want to ask your next question or if you’re just scared of the answer. You forgot that he can read minds but he answers before you can even ask. “I only physically hurt people if I’m commanded to by Jin. He’s like my boss. It’s rare for that to happen though. He mostly only cares about getting people to sign away their lives. The more contracts he has the more powerful he is.”

You nodded in acceptance of his answer feeling a little better. You had so many more questions but decided that it was late and he had opened up enough for the night. “So do you sleep or how does this work?”, you asked unsure of yourself. Yoongi smiled, “I can sleep. I don’t have to but sometimes it’s nice to just relax and pretend to be fully human again.” You awkwardly chuckled being reminded that this beautiful man in front of you was not actually human any more. “Go to sleep Y/N. I’ll be alright out here. We still have a lot to discuss tomorrow.”, he smiled over at you. You nodded and began walking back to your bedroom before turning around, “Goodnight Yoongi.” He smiled back at you, “Goodnight Y/N.”

Somehow you managed to fall asleep for a few hours before your alarm went off signaling you it was time to get ready for work. You quickly showered and changed eager to find out what your new demon roommate was up to. You weren’t expecting to walk into the kitchen and find a large breakfast prepared for you including pancakes, blueberry muffins, an omelette, and fresh squeezed orange juice and hot coffee. “Morning sleepyhead”, Yoongi smiled before handing you a mug. “I didn’t know you could cook.”, you said happily taking some coffee. “I used to be human or did you forget already.”, he laughed. You rolled your eyes, “No I didn’t forget. I just didn’t ever expect demons to be this nice. You know, usually they’re more demon-ish.” Yoongi smirked as he sat down next to you taking a bite of a muffin. “Not all demons are like that. Of course there are ‘bad’ demons but a lot of them are like me. We’re just trying to survive after making the choices that we did.”, he said taking a sip of juice. You nodded and silently ate your breakfast.

Yoongi told you to leave the dishes as he’d do them later since he had nothing else to do. You reluctantly agreed before grabbing your purse. “When I get back from work we can talk some more.”, you told him. He nodded before walking you to the door. “Oh and there might be some chicken in the fridge. You know in case you wanted to whip up something for dinner later.”, you said and he chuckled taking your hint. “Yes Dear. Anything else?”, he asked. You shook your head before saying a quick goodbye and closing the door behind you.

The day went by surprisingly quick. It probably had to do with the fact that you couldn’t wait to get home to see Yoongi. Somehow you found yourself actually kind of missing him. So once 5:00pm hit you found yourself rushing home quickly kicking off your shoes by the door and walking into the kitchen greeting Yoongi who was hard at work putting the finishing touches on dinner. “I hope you like it. It’s been a while since I cooked like this.”, he said shyly. “It looks amazing plus anything is better than what I would’ve been able to make.”, you chuckled. Taking a bite of the food you smiled. “It’s so good Yoongi. You’d really make a good husband one day.”, you said not noticing his shoulders drop at the compliment. The two of you ate in silence and then you washed the dishes with Yoongi’s help because he insisted. After you changed into some comfy clothes you met Yoongi who was already sitting on the couch mindlessly watching something on the tv. When he saw you walk in he shut it off, “I’m guessing you want to talk about some things.”

You nodded, “Yeah we probably should.” There was a long silence until you spoke, “How do I release you back since I summoned you on accident?” He bit his lip, “Well there are three ways to do that. The first being that I complete a task for you, it would be the reason you summoned me to begin with. The second is to have you sign a contract and you basically become one of us. The third is we have to wait for the next full moon and on that day we would follow the guidelines in that book you were reading. Looking at our options we’ll probably have to go with the third one.” You fidgeted with the hem of your shirt, “I mean we could look at the other options. I know I didn’t intend to summon you but my boss has been a real jerk lately so maybe I can have you go mess with him a little. You know slam some doors. Open all of his kitchen cabinets in the middle of the night.” He laughed, “Y/N I’m a demon. Not a poltergeist. You’ve said it yourself that you didn’t mean to summon me. And there’s no way I’m letting you sign any contract so our only option is number three.”

Nodding in agreement you got up and retrieved the book from your room turning to the chapter on demons. Yoongi helped you flip through the pages before finding what he was looking for, “There that’s it.” You began reading through the pages wanting to laugh at the ridiculousness of it all but at this point nothing shocks you anymore. You checked your phone, “Okay the next full moon is in three weeks.”, you said. “Okay then I guess we’re gonna get to know each other.”, Yoongi smiled. You wanted to say something sarcastic but deep down you felt your heart flutter at the thought.

The two of you spent the following week acting like an old married couple. You’d bicker about minor things only to return back to normal shortly after. He cooked you breakfast and dinner every day and even packed your lunch a couple days. The two of you ended up cuddling on the couch one night after falling asleep leading to you both waking up feeling awkward and confused.

Thankfully it was the weekend so you were able to get to spend more time with each other. It was Saturday evening and the two of you had decided to go out to dinner. Admittedly you maybe put a little more effort into your outfit than you needed to but it was worth it when you walked out and saw Yoongi checking you out. “You look very nice this evening.���, he said offering you his arm to hold onto. “Thank you. You clean up nice yourself.”, you responded. Since the weather was so nice and the restaurant wasn’t too far the two of you decided to walk. As you passed a group of guys standing against a wall Yoongi protectively put himself between you and the men while keeping his arm left arm around your waist. Just as you walked by them Yoongi suddenly stopped and whipped his head around to glare at one of the men wearing a blue baseball cap. “Weren’t you ever taught to respect women asshole? She’s not a toy for you to use as you please.”, he spat. Yoongi grabbed your hand and quickly pulled you away from the men before you could even question him but you assumed the guy had thought something provocatively about you and Yoongi heard his thoughts. You felt a smile creep up at the thought that he felt the need to defend you like that.

Dinner was one of the best nights you’d ever had. Yoongi had lots of stories about things he had done and seen. You listened very closely taking it all in. After dinner the two of you made your way back to your apartment and once inside you let your feelings overtake your brain. The alcohol from dinner probably didn’t help but you instinctively wrapped your hands around Yoongi’s neck pulling him closer to you and placing a kiss on his lips. You waited to see if he’d push you away. When he didn’t you pulled him in again and deepened the kiss. Then you moved to his dress shirt and you started unbuttoning it one by one as Yoongi removed the sweater you were wearing over your strapless dress.

The two of you made your way to your bedroom where Yoongi pushed you down onto your bed before going in for another kiss. The kisses went back and forth moving from your lips to various parts of your body. In-between kisses you managed a whispered, “Yoongi.” Not stopping he mumbled something which you took him as acknowledging you. You placed another kiss to his lips before speaking, “I think I’m falling in love with you.”

You weren’t sure what you expected. Hopefully for him reciprocate the feelings. At the worst just ignore you and pretend he didn’t hear you. What you didn’t expect was for him to jump back like something had just bit him. “Yoongi what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”, you asked concerned. “We can’t do this Y/N. There can’t be anything between us. We’re not the same and I’m not going to risk you being dragged down with me.”, he said quickly buttoning back up his shirt. “Yoongi I don’t understand. Everything has been so good between us. We can figure something out.”, you said reaching for him. He shook his head taking a step back from you, “No Y/N. It’s not like a long distance relationship or something. This is serious. There are things you just don’t understand. I ruined my life and I have to pay that price. I won’t let that also hurt you.” “Yoongi please. Help me understand. I’ll do what it takes to be with you.”, you cried. You watched at Yoongi opened your bedroom door. He turned around to look at you, “No Y/N. I won’t let you do that. I’m gonna stay in the spare room until the full moon is here and we can follow the protocol to release me. Just stay away from me until then. It’s for your own good.”

With that he walked out and shut the door behind him. You heard the faint click of the door to the spare room shut next to you. Sitting on the bed you began to sob into your pillow. You knew he was right. He was a demon after all and you seemed to forget that little detail. But even after you reminded yourself of that you still couldn’t help but feel your heart breaking at the fact that the man you loved was in the room next to yours but you were never going to be able to have him. Unless maybe you signed a contract of your own…

[furiousgoldfish]

What not to do when trying to support a traumatized or mentally ill person:

Don't assume they've done something wrong for this to happen to them.

Don't try to tell them they've done something wrong to deserve this.

Don't assume this couldn't happen to you. It could.

Don't attempt to apply stereotypes to their situation. It's likely you don't know exactly what's going on with them, unless they've told you.

Don't assume you know better/understand better about this than they do. They've been struggling with this for a while. They're intimately familiar with it.

Don't give them unwanted advice. If they ask you for advice, then you can advise them, but continuous unprompted 'why don't you do x and y' is not going to help.

Don't minimize their problem. Don't tell them they're being lazy/childish/unreasonable for having symptoms, being tired, being unwilling to do certain activities. They don't deserve to be told their struggles are nothing. Nobody deserves that.

Don't say 'I just would do x'. You don't know what you would do. You're not them. X might not even have been an option in their situation.

Don't compare their struggles with someone else's, either to make them feel like "it could have been worse", or to say "it's the worst". These things do not need to be compared, and we're not in a competition of who has it worse. Everyone's struggle deserves support and attempts to make it easier on the person.

Don't try to compete with them. If you want to share your struggles with them, it's possible to do it in a respectful way, without ever one-upping or implying that you're the one who has it worse. We are not in a competition.

Don't try to change how they behave. If a traumatized person is showing a certain behaviour, it's often the best they can do at the moment, and they do not need to be shamed or pressured to change for someone. If the behaviour is harmful, it's okay to pull yourself back to safety.

Don't think you can 'save' them. Don't try to build yourself up in their eyes as 'the only one who understands' or as 'someone who can fix it all', because you can't. And they're not here to support your personal 'hero fantasy', or to act the part of someone who's being 'saved', for the sake of your ego.

Don't ignore their boundaries, even if you feel they're unreasonable. Traumatized and mentally ill people get to build their boundaries any way they feel comfortable with, and nobody gets to judge it. Do not tell them it's unreasonable. Do not try to argue them down.

Don't assume they're able to completely heal from this. Sometimes they won't, and it can hurt to see that expectation put on them.

Don't experiment on them. Don't try to trigger them, thinking you can fix the trauma once it comes up. Don't change up your behaviour just to see how they'll react to it. Don't play the devil's advocate just to upset them and to see them react emotionally. These people's struggles are not your entertainment. They're not here to be your test subjects.

Don't drain them. Even if someone traumatized gives you their attention and care, don't ever forget that they need this energy for themselves as well.

Don't judge them for the things you don't understand. If they're doing something harmful to themselves, or engaging in activities that in long term bring damage to their body, it's very likely they're already judging themselves for it, or feeling guilty. Shame will not motivate them to stop. Judgment will only leave them feeling alone and helpless.

Don't give them a time frame in which they're supposed to get 'better' or they'll be considered failures in your eyes. Not only it's impossible to recover with any kind of deadline, but you don't get to call them failures. Nobody is a failure for doing things in their own time, in their own way.

Don’t try to indoctrinate them into your religion, or insist that the religion will help them out of this. It’s opportunist, predatory, and insulting. If they wanted to reach to religion for help, they would not be waiting around for you to tell them. Religion might be the part of why they’re traumatized.

What to do when you're attempting to support a traumatized, or a mentally ill person:

Be patient with them.

Ask them if they want to talk about it. Should you get a 'no' as an answer, respect it.

If they do feel safe talking to you about it, believe them.

If their story is scaring you, or making you want to yell at them, try not to yell. It's okay to feel concern, but if your first reaction is yelling, or a big emotional outburst, they might assume that their reality is too upsetting, and never talk about it again. They also might feel that it was a mistake opening up to you.

Stay calm and accept that whatever is happening, was likely happening for a while, and you're being trusted with it as a safe person. Be worthy of the trust.

Acknowledge where they've been in a tough situation. It's possible they're not realizing just how bad their situation is, or how hard they've struggled. Remind them that they've been enduring a lot of heavy stuff, that the burden on them is big, and that it's okay that they're tired from carrying it. Acknowledgment can mean a lot to traumatized people.

Be consistent. Make sure they know what to expect from you. Traumatized people need stability, continuity, consistency and the ability to rely that people will treat them consistently with kindness.

Point out to them when something they're going thru is not normal. A lot of traumatized people have learned to accept painful and terrifying situations as normal. It's good to give them a reference so they would know their situation is extreme or considered to be traumatic.

Point out that their feelings are normal. Often, traumatized people will judge their own feelings to be wrong, or worry that they're feeling too much, or being unreasonable. It can mean a lot to have their own feelings acknowledged and accepted.

Make sure they know they're valuable and welcome in your life, regardless of their struggles. They might worry that their value in other people's eyes is dropping, due to them being often tired, isolated or unwell.

Get excited for them when things go well, when something good happens, when they're happy. It's probable that they don't get many joys, and having someone happy for them might mean a lot.

If you want to do something specific for them, ask them if they're comfortable with it. Don't put pressure on them, and don't ask them to put up with things they're uncomfortable with. It's always good to ask if something is a good idea or not.

Treat them as you would treat someone who is doing the best they can, who you're pleased with, who has deserved a rest from pain and a refuge to feel safe in. Let them know that you don't think they should be put thru any more hardships.

Let them know you have faith in them, in their choices and their instincts.

If they seek support from you, give only as much as you feel comfortable with. It's okay to make boundaries here, and to give yourself space if you feel like the problem is bigger than what you can handle. You do not need to put your own emotional health on hold, in order to help. Most traumatized people would be mortified to know they've caused damage to someone else, and it's okay to make sure you're feeling safe and comfortable as well.

[willothewispwisteriadawn]

I WISH BORIS HAD BEEN THE ANTAGONIST OF THE GOLDFINCH

Okay Boris Pavlikovsky take based on people requesting it from this post where I said I’m like 90% sure my take on him is 🔥, meaning I could tell immediately he’d be popular as hell and yet he’s the subject of my biggest critique of the novel.

The short:

I’m extremely mixed on Boris and was for most of the book, especially at the end. His usage within the story just was an odd roller coaster. Now, I think I’d summarize it this way— I wish Boris had just been treated as an incredibly nuanced antagonist. I get that Donna Tartt books don’t fully deal in hero-villain terms but let me explain!! He would have been very heartbreaking, compelling, and unique as an actual antagonist.

The long:

I want to like Boris a lot because of his positive qualities. His dialogue is so charmingly good (I was so impressed by Tartt’s writing of someone who is speaking a second/third language and may write a whole post on that). Boris is also characterized by gratitude and loyalty to the people who’ve done right by him such as Theo, the folks from his backstory such as Judy and the Muslim preachers, and his guys— Cherry, Shirley, Gyuri. He recognizes kindness and responds to it in a way that is just so likable. He even cries when he thinks of his betrayal of Theo and says that he can’t stand what he did, knowing that Theo was only ever generous and good to him. Finally, Boris was a good foil to Theo, optimism vs dread. Boris’s optimism and love did save Theo at points, and it provides a very believable basis for their friendship.

But my problem is that Boris’s flaws were a little TOO big to have been so under-commented on. His vices crossed from palatable things to things that you really can’t take lightly, at least as lightly as I think this story did at the end. To summarize some things: 1) Boris beat his girlfriend (and casually assumed Theo had beaten Pippa) and is of the opinion that this is sad but necessary since sometimes “women deserve it.” 2) He is a serial cheater who rarely visits his wife and his own babies but has a girlfriend in Antwerp and is implied to buy escorts/prostitutes fairly regularly, which is further unconscionable since the reason he hurt Kotku was that she was potentially cheating on him! 3) Boris has ruined and ended countless lives. Anyone who runs a cartel has. But he was also introducing the kids at his school to drugs since they were too nervous to deal with adults. And maybe it’s because I know someone who died by a heroin overdose, but I just saw Boris as a indirect murderer throughout the book. He is against direct, cold-blooded murder, sure. But there comes a point where you have to take the domino-effect implications of your own actions seriously. It’s not even just the cartel. It’s minor things that show he doesn’t care about indirectly ending lives. He lost his license from drunk driving, then gave Gyuri cocaine WHILE GYURI WAS DRIVING. So, well, blatant lack of concern towards the lives of everyone else on the road. 4) while he did help Theo in ways, he really ruined him in other ways. The drugs and alcohol. But also getting him accustomed to thievery and sexual activity at a young age (I was pretty disturbed by Boris’s attraction to certain women because they were over the legal age and his way of romanticizing these relationships to Theo. I get this isn’t exactly uncommon talk among teen boys, at a level. But it reached icky too-far points in context. Then we see Theo get in this kind of relationship later, with Julie).

To summarize this: I was thinking that Boris shows that a person can be a good friend without being good for his friend. If that makes sense?

Boris loved Theo, saved his life, spent years planning how to make things up to him— but he was also emblematic of a very bad era of Theo’s. Now, I can love deeply flawed characters. Heck, I loved everyone in The Secret History. But the thing is, I think characters who reach this level of flawed are only fully likable when I can approach them knowing they were indeed wholly lambasted by the text itself. It’s a comfortable place from which to feel empathy.

For Boris… that didn’t come through well to me. It started to at points, for sure. Theo definitely comments on Boris’s flaws. And I think there’s a really dirty sort of filter on the events of the story where Boris is concerned. But to be honest, it wasn’t enough for what this guy was doing. I was most disappointed when Theo started to really get at him in the hotel room, only for the scene to shift into a moment that lifts Boris up. I liked the idea of Theo breaking away from the attitude of his father and of Boris. But then *bam* Goldfinch. Now Boris is all right again. The problem is— while making good from the bad is a great lesson and I agree that even our low points have meaning in a divine scheme— that doesn’t mean our bad actions were good, actually. It’s just that goodness was able to work with what we did. But our wrongs are wrong. Boris returning the painting shows some redemption and that Theo’s woes and miserable life story did have meaning. But Boris’s cheating, drug dealing, thievery, and violence are still evil mistakes. Not good because they worked out.

This return-of-The-Goldfinch moment is further muddied by the fact that Boris had something to gain financially by returning the finch. Now he’s loaded with cash, and that was a motivating factor in the return. I guess the lesson is that good pays and in a much better way than evil. And Boris did learn this. He was so fixated on how to get what he wanted sneakily, by beating the system, that he didn’t consider that he could come out on top by doing good. The lesson may be that good is not without opportunity itself. Still, the moment does swerve from fully critiquing Boris’s wrongs, and he’s never really treated fairly for them in my opinion.

So back to my point. I wish Boris had been just treated as the antagonist of this novel. I think that this would have been an awesome direction and could have happened while keeping his personality in-tact. All the pieces were there but the trigger never pulled.

An antagonist is merely someone stopping a protagonist from getting what he wants or what is good for him. An antagonist doesn’t have to be fully villain-y. It can be a rival sports team, for example. I think Boris would have made a great, very nuanced antagonist with sympathetic intentions. It would have been fun to see him fight so hard for Theo’s good that he doesn’t see that he’s preventing Theo’s redemption. Again, a lot of this IS already in the text, but I wish it all had followed through. I wish that Boris as an antagonist who only wants what’s best for the protagonist was his eventual and clearly stated characterization. It would have been compelling, to me, if the end had been Theo against Boris on the grounds that they both are so certain what’s best for Theo’s life. Boris would not want to be in this position, but is sure he has to be. Honestly?! HE HAS STRONG REASONS FOR THINKING THIS. He watched Theo try to kill himself many times. Imagine how traumatizing that would be, how much you wouldn’t trust your friend because you’re so afraid of losing him.

For a bit, I thought the reason Boris didn’t want to return the Goldfinch had to do with him viewing it as the thing that would fix Theo and mend their relationship. I thought maybe his connection to the thing was that he considered it a panacea like, if it were back in Theo’s hands, they could return to boyhood. I thought maybe he didn’t want to let go of the painting because it represented his own redemption and a happier side of Theo; he’s convinced that if it’s given to the authorities, he’s lost the fight and Theo won’t ever find happiness again. I think the in-book reason for Boris not wanting to return the painting was literally just fear of the cops. But it would have been interesting if he just didn’t have faith that Theo would be okay if it was released.

The end even covers the idea that our hearts are not always something to be trusted. Sometimes the things that you do out of love aren’t good. I do believe Boris got Theo on drugs partially because of love (but also wanting company in his own lifestyle). He didn’t want to see Theo suffering; he felt upset when Theo was sick or in pain. So his answer was to give him ecstasy or vodka or weed or coke so that his friend would relax and smile again. But obviously this isn’t right. It’s very wrong. And is it just me or did the book treat this as an oddly benevolent act? (In fact, it also just seems “generous” when Boris said he was just giving drugs away at school because he liked being liked— but that’s FURTHER basis for a sort of well-meaning antagonist. He’s generous but in awful ways at times. I wish this were commented on as such, as evil born from a good yet disordered heart, rather than just “Boris is generous.”)

I also thought for sure that Boris would have a come-to-Jesus moment where he’s like “maybe this is all wrong,” only for him to be advised against this feeling by Myriam who has a plan for how he can get what he wants for himself and Theo, quick and dirty. Was I the only one who felt Myriam seemed efficient in a Devil-like way? The text really puts demon/snake symbolism on her, and Boris trusts her so much and this isn’t expanded upon. It should have been used!

Bottom line is that some things done in this book are serious. Really serious, not character quirks and they felt a little too casually handled when it came to Boris. The book does seem to go “yes he’s a mess” here and there. But not in a way that rises to the proper level, in my opinion. I do get that he shows there’s good to be found in bad people, and that fate can use broken human beings! But I kind of wish I wasn’t left with a feeling of the book going, “lol Boris, that beautiful scoundrel” when the man in question was a woman-beating, cheating, drug lord.

Like I said, I’m mixed. But I think I’d have loved him if he was just, up front, the affectionate antagonist of the whole novel. I think he would have made a great overarchingly dark figure, whose motivations stem from how close he’s come to losing Theo. That would have better married his positive qualities with his negative ones. It would have combined what we know of him as a selfish, often violent figure with his good intentions. I just want him to be depicted for what he is and let his vices lead up to an actual boiling point— while letting him keep his kind aspects too.

[stillsaltyaboutmcr]

Hangover J.S- Part 3

Find chapters 1 and 2 here

I finally found the effort to rewrite this part because originally i had it written andddd tumblr deleted it

soooo PLEASE READ BELOW

I really contemplated if I was even going to post this or go with this storyline. It’s just such a touchy subject and such a dark one at that. It’s horrible what people go through in their own homes and I didn’t want to post this originally on fear of upsetting anyone, but at the same time, maybe this can bring light to an evergoing problem and hopefully the resources I attached might spur someone on to think about reaching out for help.

If this is not well received, I have a plan B for a storyline that isn’t as dark, so please comment your thoughts, good or bad. Thank you for taking the time to read all of this pre-story information.

I love you all dearly, stay safe and don’t be afraid to reach out to me. I am always here for anyone of you need to talk. 🤍

This chapter is kind of heavy, it’s a deep dive into why the reader is the way they are. Please please PLEASE read the warnings before continuing on. This chapter is NOT MANDATORY to read due to the darker story line i chose to go with.

Warnings: Mentions and scenes of DV, mentions of cheating accusations, a lot of fighting, yelling, cussing, mentions of mental illnesses and SH!! Please read at your own discretion.

Warning (but not really): Jake being really protective and sweet over you despite you still hating him, it’s kinda adorable (towards the very end)

If you or someone you know is dealing with DV or SH, please use these resources below to seek help, it’s never too late.

DV Hotline: 800-799-7233

SH/Su!cide Hotline: 988

Please reach out and seek help. Talk to someone, whether it be a friend, family member or someone you trust. Stay safe, I love you all. :)

On with the story….

Taglist: @pono-pura-vida @cosima289 @startrekfangirl2233

Rooster took some convincing before Jake was able to pry your address from him. He was determined to apologize for upsetting you. He loved you and wanted nothing but to see you happy, especially if he could make you happy. The drive to your house was tense. He kept trying to figure out if he should just turn around and go home. Maybe, he thought, it would be weird for him to just magically pull up to your driveway late in the night to apologize for his behavior at the bar. Watching you walk out so upset made his heart shatter and he wanted to make up for it.

He thought over what he might say about a million times, or maybe you weren’t even awake anymore. He couldn’t dare wake you up this late.

Finally he decided, he check of the lights were on, and if you were even home.

Pulling up to your house, he noticed your car, and a truck that he knew deep down wasn’t yours. Were you staying with a friend? A family member?

He pulled his car up and noticed one light was on, presumably your bedroom. He walked up to the door and knocked. He waited for a couple of minutes with no reply, and he was about to walk away until he heard your voice cry out in what he could only assume was pain. His hand shot to the doorknob, praying to himself it was unlocked.

It was.

Entering your home, he noticed it was awfully dark except for some dim lighting coming from up the stairs. He went to go check on you and follow the source of the noise when he heard doors slam and make voice he didn’t recognize book through the house.

“Stop following me.”

Your voice followed up his demand, and you didn’t sound like yourself. “Please…I’m sorry! I’ll do better! I’ll never go out again! Please come back to bed.” You sounded defeated, tired. He could hear the pain in your voice like you’d been crying.

“No, you know how I feel when you go out. You dress like a whore, flirting with all those coworkers of yours. I’m not sleeping next to you until you finally realize that I’m the one that gives you a roof over your head and puts food on your table!”

“You don’t understand!” You were pleading at this point. “I moved away for you! I can’t help it that the Navy wants me back here. I could get in trouble!! I could lose everyth-“

Before you could finish, a loud smack rang through. Jake’s blood boiled at the sound of your cries.

You had been hit.

He wanted to step in, tell this douche off but he knew it’d only make things worse for you. “Look at what you made me do!! Don’t talk back to me!! There’s no excuses for what you’ve done. I know that one pilot was there, the blonde. He only wants in your pants!! Talking to him and egging him on is cheating on me!! Don’t even get me starting on that bird guy! You cry to me that he’s your best friend and that’s why he texts you all the time. I know what you did with him!! Don’t play dumb with me! You slept with all of them didn’t you?!” He was angry and Jake knew it. But he was so wrong. Jake didn’t want in your pants, he wanted to marry you, love you for the rest of your life!

“No! I’ve told you it’s not like-“ Again, you were cut off. A loud boom this time, and Jake’s guess was that this guy shoved you against the wall.

“Stop talking back.” Jake heard footsteps coming down the stairs and he quickly dicked behind the couch.

“Please don’t leave.”

No response.

You and this guy were in the living room by the door now. He was at the door, hand on the doorknob, with you standing at the bottom of the stairs.

What you said next, broke Jake.

“You’re going to see her aren’t you?”

“It’s none of your business.”

“Yes it is!!! I’m your girlfriend!! Seeing another woman is cheating!!” Jake thought he’d turn around and hit you, but instead this man just walked out the doorway.

Jake listened as the truck started and left, and the only sound left for him to hear was your crying. Jake sat behind that couch for what felt like years before you finally went upstairs.

He stood up when he knew it was clear and thought about heading home.

But before he could decide, he was standing in front of your bedroom door, your sobs sounding from the other side.

He hesitantly knocked and heard you startle. He listened as you approached and when you opened the door, you looked like you’d seen a ghost.

“Seresin!! What the fuck are you doing here?! Get the hell out of my house!!” You went to shut the door but Jake caught it. You jumped at his quick movements and that’s when he realized he’d have to take a different approach.

You backed up, “How do you know where I live? You’re a fucking psychopath!! I will call the police! Get the fuck out!” Your voice was filled with hatred, venom dripping from every word.

“I’m not here to hurt you.” Jake put his hands up where you could see them, his motions slow.

“I don’t care! Get out!!!” You were pushing him now, but you weren’t strong enough to move him from his spot.

“Listen to me, I’m not here to hurt you. I heard what happened with that guy. I want to help you.” You froze at his comment.

“You? How did you-?”

“Please relax. I promise I just want you to be safe.” Jake took a step forward towards you. “Tell me who he is. Who is doing this to you?”

“That’s none of your business! Get out of my house!”

“Y/N, listen to me. I don’t care what I have to do to get you to tell me, but I want to get you out of here. Tell me his name.” Jake’s voice remained calm, as to not startle you or make you think he was going to yell or hurt you.

“That’s none of your-“

“Yeah, you just said that. Y/N, what he’s doing isn’t okay. You can’t keep living like this. Let me take you somewhere else, Phoenix’s? Roosters? Any family out here? You say where and I’ll take you right now.”

You stood there looking at him with disgust. “Get. Out. Now. I will call the police on you.”

“Go ahead.”

Your eyes widened as you picked up your phone, and you froze as you saw something Jake could only assume was a text. “Please, let me help you. You do not deserve this treatment. All I ask is you pack a small bag of what you need, and you tell me where you wanna go.” Jake took another step forward. You looked up at him from your phone with fear written all over your face.

“He’s on his way home. You have to leave!!”

“Come with me.”

“I-I can’t!! Get out of here!! Please!”

“Come with me.”

“He’ll kill you!!”

“Come with me.”

“I-he’ll…” your voice trailed off as you met eyes with Jake. You noticed he was crying. Jake had been crying for awhile. Seeing you like this was something he couldn’t handle.

Jake lowered his hands, and took another step towards you, closing most of the distance. “Please.” He was pleading with you to take his hand and let him help you. You stares at him, watching his every movement, and he took the time to note every injury on you.

Something particular caught his eye though. Just below your shorts, where they’d ridden up, he caught a glimpse of what looked to be wounds of your own doing.

You had been hurting yourself just as much as your boyfriend been hurting you.

Jake looked up at you again and your phone buzzed again. You looked at it quickly before returning your gaze. Jake felt a ounce of hope when you sighed.

“We have 7 minutes.”

Jake helped you pack what you could into a backpack and got you into his truck as fast as he could before he took off.

“Where do you wanna go? I can call anyone you want.”

You both agreed for you to leave your phone behind so you couldn’t be tracked. “Rooster, please.”

Jake nodded and without another word, Roostee was suddenly on the line. “Hey Brad, I know this is weird and odd but I need you to have your house open and unlocked and be outside and ready to go in 5 minutes.”

“Uhh, you do know it’s like midnight right?”

“I don’t care, I have Y/N and she needs somewhere to stay so please do what I say.”

“I’m up.”

Without any other word from Rooster, he hung up. Jake knew you’d known Rooster for years, and that you felt safe with him, you trusted him. Jake also felt safe about you being in Rooster’s care.

“Jake-“ you spoke up.

“You don’t need to tell me anything-“

“No, I feel like I need to apologize. You shouldn’t have witnessed that.”

“I’m glad I did.”

“He just gets so mad that I’m around you guys all the time. He thinks I’m cheating with you, he’s seen tou flirt with me. Everytime he finds out I was somewhere you also were, it gets worse. He wasn’t always like this, it started during the Uranium Mission.”

“Y/N…”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“No, I feel like I need to-“

“We’re here. There’s Rooster.”

You went to get out of the truck to get to Roostee, but you paused and looked to Jake. “Thank you Seresin.” With that you hopped out and Jake watched as Rooster waved before hastily taking you inside.

Jake had no clue if Rooster knew of your situation or not, but he knew you’d be in good hands.

His drive home was deafening with silence.

He felt like he had a part to play in the shit you went through. He had to stay away from you, for your own safety.

Not for forever, but at least for awhile. He was the reason you were being hurt.

[minggukieology]

Hello hello,

I am new around here. I really enjoy Kookmin’s bond, and I am also a researcher in the narrative space. I found you on Twitter and I was so impressed with your transparent, eloquent commentary on this whole thing. Thank you for running this blog. My question might be odd, but I am really curious to see how much of this ship/fan wars translate within the Korean social media space? The last few days have been nothing less than hell on the bird app, the anon requests on some of the blogs here are just people thinking they are so slick, but are just purely undermining Kookmin’s bond. I assume Naver is like one stop destination for SNS in Korea. I also see that the members have quit Twitter officially (I have no doubt they lurk though). Are ship wars this intense in the online spaces in Korea? Is it between the same ones we see on the I-Army side? I know shipping is a common theme in the pop space there and people might have healthier approach to it? This is also me being wishful that the members don’t see the pure vitriol that’s being expressed. Thank you in advance.

Hi, there! Thanks a lot for your nice message 😊

To put it shortly: no, such shipwars don't typically happen within k-army online spaces (at least not in the same way we know them) because there is never any need for debate around any meanings of words and no wiggle room for alternative explanations and seeing hidden signs in shadows. However, that doesn't mean that I have not come across any Korean accounts on Twitter that like to twist narratives and *especially* in case when their desired narratives feed into what their non-Korean speaking followers want to hear (they do like to take advantage of that language + cultural gap). As with every assessment though, Koreans are not a monolith, the same goes for k-armys or any netizens. There are some general tendencies but there will always be exceptions. Also it is important to note, even though the fandom largely organizes on the Twitter platform, I find it it less prominent among Korean ARMYs as to the amount of time they spend on there and the conversations that are held there.

From my perspective (my subjective opinion, therefore isn't unbiased and might not be representative of the whole community) ships or to be more accurate 'duos' / 'insert name line' are first and foremost among the majority about the members' chemistry, cute moments, looks, vocals and performances together; not about any potential romantic involvement of the two (that is not to say there are absolutely no Korean shippers of course). It is important to remember that the general premise has been that the idol sells their Korean fans the idea of a boyfriend/girlfriend, therefore the whole fantasy revolves around him/her and the fans having a connection, hence why for example idol dating life is still a big no no in the public etc.

To add, sadly since Korean fans can't get away with twisting the meanings of what the boys said (unless they want to appear ridiculous and stupid) the 'wars' therefore turn more vicious than that. There are some prominent 악개 akgae groups within the BTS fandom too which use all kinds of tactics to tarnish the reputation of the other members by spreading rumors through Korean forums, discussion boards, trending tags and by even reaching out to Korean reporters to run stories based on false evidence. So I would say, these things do happen, just in a different way because Korean online space can be truly unhinged.

I don't believe the members have ever witnessed any of the craziness on the international side as it for the most part thankfully only happens on the international side (objectivelly imagine if Koreans were having real arguments over, for example, the meaning of 동생 'dongsaeng' 😂😂😂 it sounds absolutely ridiculous). And in the instances they did, when e.g. someone tried to push a 'ship' narrative on any of them directly, we got the infamous 'get out of your imagination' response.

Hope I answered your message clearly and covered all your points. Once again, thanks a lot for reaching out!

[freedomfireflies]

miss firefly !! i keep seeing asks about a peach/harry subspace extra, which HI I AM HERE FOR !!! 🥵

but can i be real here ? i’m a bit scared 😬 i love all of your writing so much, i literally eat that shit up every day ! but so so so many writers have no actual clue about subspace (it gives me cringey fifty shades / after vibes, ruining the true bdsm world).

i didn’t want to just dm you, as i know not everyone likes that. and i do not want to assume that you don’t know about subspace, or that you wouldn’t do your homework if you didn’t.

you absolutely do not have to post this ask, i just wanted to reach out and potentially offer any form of insight on the subject, if you were ever interested.

i really fkn hope this doesn’t come off as bitchy or cringey in itself. i’m just honestly kind of sick and tired of seeing an incredibly poor representation of the bdsm world. (again, not that you’ve done anything of the sort at all !!! it’s just seeing the way some of the asks are worded, i can already tell some people have no clue about subspace in the slightest .. she says with as much love as she can muster 😅)

Hi love!!

(Doing a read more because apparently I can't shut up)

No, I totally know what you mean!! And I agree, it's good to be able to inform and depict something so personal and real as accurately as you can!! And not dramatize it for the sake of a story!!

I think maybe some of the confusion comes from mixing subspace with wanting extra love and attention and aftercare and angst? Perhaps?

And subspace can be different for different people! It can be long, it can be short, it can be incredibly intense, it can be relaxed! It's a chemical response to having complete trust and faith in your dominant partner!! Losing yourself in the scene and in your dependency on them in that moment!

I think it's my job to (hopefully, and I really hope I portray it as accurately as I can) make sure that I'm not putting it in just for the sake of putting it in!

For example, Harry and Peach have never really had a very intense experience together (at least not in the main story) so if either one of them were to slip into a different headspace, it would likely be the result of something more powerful!

Mine Harry and Sugar have more intense scenes, and an intense relationship! And Bee and Harry explored quite a few things they hadn't before, so I can see where that would come into play! Like when Harry slips in Find Me, it's because he'd really been immersed in the scene!

I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I'M MAKING A WHOLE TED TALK HERE BUT basically, I agree! The main thing that subspace comes down to is your brain's reaction to something intense and the trust you have in your partner!

And it's your partner/dominant’s job to make sure that you're taken care of! That you continue to feel safe with them!

So I will continue to try and explore this in the most respectful and loving way I can!! And not add things that wouldn't be well represented just because of the angst factor!!

Thank you so much for sending this and talking to me!! You can always message me anytime 😭💞