#I appreciate you endlessly | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

viperify · 4 months ago

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that line had me like 🙂‍↕️ while writing hehe

thank u for the feedback and reblogging, it means the world to me my precious girl💜

Smutmas 2024 | ᴛᴏᴍ ʀɪᴅᴅʟᴇ x ᴍᴜɢɢʟᴇ ꜰ!ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ

We will meet again. | pt. 3

Short summary: When he doesn’t come back for a whole month, you put off the necklace, thinking he won’t return. Though, as you come home from work one day, you spot footprints in the snow leading to your house. But who would visit without announcing themselves first?

Warnings: 18+ only! stalker!Tom, possessive!Tom, choking, rough oral m!receiving, deepthroating, impact play, rough sex, unprotected p in v, begging, slight degradation

A/N: This turned out filthier than I had originally anticipated, someone pls cleanse my mind?

wordcount: 3,1k

PART 1 | PART 2

It is late January now, almost a month after your second encounter with Tom. You had been wearing the necklace like he told you to – up until three days ago at least, when you figured he wasn’t going to come back. He has been on your mind each day since the last time you saw him, dreams again plaguing your night’s rest. You shake your head, disregarding your thoughts about him. Whatever happened between you two, it was in the past. Besides, you had agreed to drink a coffee with a coworker next week after he asked you.

A freezing breeze leaves a tingling sensation on your skin as you step out of your car, merely the dim light of the streetlamp shining into the darkness of the night. You have just come home from work, a cloud of condensation forming in the crisp winter air as you exhale a deep breath, shutting your eyes. Work’s been insanely draining lately – with many coworkers on sick leave, your workload has doubled, if not tripled, leaving you burnt out each day you come home from work. As you exit your garage, you notice faint footsteps imprinted into the snow-covered ground on the pathway. They are barely visible now, a new layer of snow making them difficult to distinguish from the rest of the surrounding area. An eerie feeling spreads in your chest, approaching your front door in a quicker manner. A letter in your mailbox has you sigh in relief, assuming it were the mail officer’s footprints. Who else would visit without announcing themselves first otherwise?

Still, you decide to check your security camera first, clicking on the app icon on your phone. A red pop-up message greets you as soon as you open the app.

No recordings available.

It’s been working fine recently. Well, until now at least. “Damn technology,” you mutter with a heavy sigh, turning the keys in the lock, pushing open the door to your home. You kick off your shoes and hang your coat onto the bathroom door, ready to finally head to bed. Just one glass of water from the kitchen was what you needed before you’d slip under your warm duvet, spending the rest of the evening relaxing with a book.

You don’t even bother turning on the lights in the kitchen. Opening the cupboard, you grab the first glass you get a hold of and turn on the sink. Sounds of water splashing, filling your cup echo around the otherwise silent room. Taking a sip of the refreshing liquid, you turn to leave the room.

“The necklace. You put it off.”

An all too familiar voice rings out behind you, and you shriek in terror, the glass of water slipping from your hand onto the marble floor, shattering into hundreds of tiny pieces. “Who-“ you back off, your hand tapping on the wall to find the light switch. As you finally do, you instantly recognize the figure in front of you. Tall and relaxed, brunette curls messier than usual, leaning against the kitchen counter like he owned the place. His burning gaze lays hot on your skin, dark eyes meeting yours.

Your heart is racing in your chest, missing a beat or two in the process. He did come back. Though your relief at the sight of Tom quickly vanishes, being replaced by anger.

“What the hell is wrong with you?” you raise your voice at him, slowly walking towards the brunette. Tom doesn’t even budge, only his eyes following your movements. His lips curl up into a tiny, sly smirk as you stand directly before him, his taller figure easily looming over yours.

A small huff falls over your lips, shaking your head at how unbothered he seems to be by your reaction.

“You can’t keep breaking into my house. Turn up unannounced.” you add, a little more calmly. His hand reaches up, the pad of his thumb softly brushing over your cheek for a brief moment, before he breaks the silence.

“I don’t break into houses, darling. I merely enter.”

“I do not care what you call it, it’s—“

His lips crashing on yours have your complaint come to an abrupt halt. It’s passionate, hungry, almost as if he’s been starved of your touch.

The first time you feel his lips on yours.

“No matter how hard I try, you never leave my mind. There has not been a day since we met that I have not thought of you. It’s ruining me.” He voices, and by the look of his eyes you know he is being genuine.

“Yet, you left. Like I was nothing to you.” you mumble, kneeling down to pick up the shattered glass on the floor. Tom is silent for a moment, sighing as you collect the tiny pieces on your palm.

“You are going to hurt yourself. Step away.” he demands, nudging your side with his knee. As you do, he takes out his wand, pointing it towards the mess on the marble floor.

“Reparo.”

Your mind is too slow to comprehend what happens next, each individual piece rearranging itself to take the shape of the glass it once was, the spilt water on the floor vanishing. Your eyes widen as the cup stands before you on the floor, completely unharmed like nothing ever happened. Slowly, you turn to face Tom. “You can do that?” you whisper, inspecting the glass as you get up, eyes flickering between the glass and the brunette in front of you.

He nods.

You nod.

“Why are you here?” you finally ask, putting the glass back into the cupboard.

Tom’s arms cross over his chest, his gaze sinking down to his leather shoes. “I don’t particularly like the way that man’s mind works when he looks at you.” he remarks, the bitterness evident in his voice.

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion. “What ma-” you begin, until realisation dawns on you, a bewildered huff falling over your lips, “my coworker? Have you been stalking me?”

Tom grasps your arm, closing the distance between you two as he pulls you towards him, strict eyes burning into yours. “You are mine. Since the day you have decided to mess with my head. I need you to understand that.”

A playful smirk forms on your lips. With such a massive ego, there was surely going to be nothing more satisfying than to test his limits, right?

“What if I don’t want to be yours?” you murmur, cocking an eyebrow.

If his eyes could darken, they do. A small crease forms between his eyebrows, grip on your arm growing impossibly stronger to the point you are sure it would leave bruises. As you struggle to free yourself, he spins you around, trapping you between the counter and himself.

“This attitude of yours,” Tom hisses, palm pressing down on the sides of your throat, “needs to be fixed.”

Your lips curl into a daring smirk. “Fix it, then.”

Tom scoffs at that, and you swear you hear him mumble “pathetic” before his hand leaves your throat and he drags you after him to your bedroom. He doesn’t even bother turning on any source of light, as though he had the layout of your entire house mapped out in his mind.

He most likely did.

After almost tripping on the stairs twice, you reach your bedroom, where you normally would now be peacefully reading. Whatever he was going to do with you instead surely wasn’t going to be much worse, though.

As soon as you enter, Tom lights a few candles you had in your room with his wand. He then pushes you down onto your knees by your shoulders, facing him as you sink down against the wall. “Should be grateful I am taking you to bed and not fuck you against the kitchen counter like you deserve.” he sneers, making quick work of his belt, his grey trousers slipping down, left to pool at his ankles before he steps out of them.

He doesn’t discard of his belt like you thought he would, no, instead he messily wraps it around your throat. With the loose end wrapped around his hand, he hauls you towards him, grinning tauntingly as he glances down at you. “Made you a new necklace. One you look even prettier in.” His free hand wipes across your cheek, and you close your eyes, waiting for the sting of his palm harshly landing on it. It never comes. “And now, you are going to be a good girl and open that mouth wide for me. Shouldn’t be too difficult considering what got you here in the first place.”

You nod, fingers eagerly hooking under the waistband of his briefs. Your eyes sparkle at the sight of his length, hard and swollen right in front of your face. He tugs on the leather, urging you to part your lips for him. First, you swirl your tongue around his tip, a low groan falling over the brunette’s lips as he watches you work his length into your mouth. He doesn’t allow you much time before he takes over, thrusting in and out of you at an increasingly harsh pace, fingers tangling in your hair.

Coughing and gagging noises fill your bedroom as the head of his cock repeatedly hits the back of your throat, hot tears streaming down your face at the foreign intrusion. “Come on. I know you can— fuck— take more than that, open up wider. Let me use that dirty mouth of yours.“

You try to relax your muscles as much as you can, and he slips further down your throat, your nose held flush against his lower abdomen as you struggle for breath. “Fuck— just like that—“ he keeps you there for a brief moment, firmly tugging on the leather wrapped around your neck. Spluttering around his length, your hand finds his thigh to tap on it, signalling for a break. With the hand he has buried in your hair, he yanks your head back, briefly letting you catch your breath before he thrusts back into your warm mouth with a groan.

You look up at him through your eyelashes, streaks of mascara running down the sides of your face and neck, staining the leather of his belt. His brows are drawn together, the prettiest sounds of pleasure falling over his full, slightly parted lips. Knuckles white from how tightly he is clutching onto the loose end of his belt. You feel yourself become lightheaded at the lack of blood circulating through your head, every cell in your body screaming for oxygen. Your tongue lays flat in your mouth, feeling the thick vein on the underside of his cock as it ruthlessly slips in and out of you.

Tom’s movements grow more erratic, feeling him twitch inside of you, a rosy flush colouring his otherwise pale cheeks. Though, before he gets the chance to reach his orgasm, he pulls out of you, a string of saliva connecting your swollen lips to his throbbing cock.

He breathes heavily, taking in your messy form beneath him. Make up runs down your face mixed with your tears, saliva trickling from the corners of your mouth. A satisfied smirk forms on his lips. “You look properly filthy like this. Just how I like it,” his hand leaves your hair, wiping over your damp cheeks, “and I am the only one who gets to see you like this, isn’t that right?” The brunette doesn’t wait for an answer, though.

Smack.

“Fuck— yes! Yes, only you!” you yelp as his palm harshly comes down on your cheek, leaving a burning sensation on your tear-soaked, sensitive skin. With your head tilted to the side, his finger hooks under your chin, making you look back up at him. “Good girl. Now, get up.” he instructs, nudging you with a tug on the leather around your neck.

You do as he says, legs wobbly and tingling as you get up, knees bruised. He has you stand against the wall, arm sneaking under your hips to adjust your posture, bending you over just slightly.

Smack, smack, smack.

This time it’s the flesh of your ass tingling painfully, having you hiss and lurch forward, though Tom is quick to readjust you, kneading the red spot in the shape of his hand imprinted on your skin.

“Spread your pretty legs for me,” he demands, his knee finding its way between your legs, nudging them apart. A shiver runs down your spine as his hand wanders over your waist down your stomach, finding your swollen clit. “God— Tom, please!” You cry as he skilfully draws circles on it.

“Patience.” he replies lowly, and as quick as it started, it ends. Instead, his fingers dip between your folds, a guttural groan falling over his lips as he feels your arousal on his them. “Fucking soaked for me. Pathetic girl.”

He doesn’t waste much time before two of his digits push into your slick entrance, working you open for him. It’s like he’s studied your body, fingertips massaging over your g-spot with every thrust of his hand. Hot pleasure rushes through your veins, walls greedily clenching down around him as you push your hips back against his fingers. Though, before you can reach your much needed release, he pulls out of you, having you whine in protest. One of his hand snakes around your throat, over the leather of his belt, as his tip finds its way between your folds. “You think you are ready for me?” Tom asks, his breath lingering hot on the side of your face as he leans in.

“God, Tom— stop teasing! Please, I need you.” you whimper, hips bucking against his cock.

“So fucking desperate,” he scoffs before thrusting his entire length into you at once, hips flush with the reddened skin of your ass as you gasp at the stretch he is providing you.

Tom lets you adjust briefly, before almost completely pulling out just to fully bury himself into your warm, soaked cunt again. He picks up his pace after that, having you jolt forward each time his hips snap into yours. “Gripping me so— fucking— tight. You were made for this, for me,” he hisses under shaky breaths, your combined moans filling the room. “No one else. You are mine. Fuck— Say it. Tell me who you belong to.”

“I am yours! God, Tom— All yours!” you almost scream, earning a low groan of approval from the brunette, his palm squeezing down tighter around your throat as you clench around him. The leather tangles between your breasts as he pounds into you, tip brushing against your sensitive cervix with every other thrust. An all too familiar feeling builds in the pits of your lower stomach, having your eyes roll to the back of your head, hot waves of pleasure having you dangerously close to the edge. So close to the release that you sought after so badly.

“You think you have—“ he hisses, “earned to come? Beg. I want you to fucking beg for it.”

A weak whimper falls over your lips, your mind all too hazy to really comprehend what he is demanding from you. His hand leaves your throat, having you sink against the cold wall again. “Do it. Beg. Beg like the slut you are.”

His rough treatment and the way his cock hits all the right spots inside of you has you see stars, and the only word you hear is beg. Fuck.

“T-Tom please, I can’t— please let me come. I am all yours, please!”

You feel him twitch inside of you, his thrusts growing erratic, and you know he is just as close as you are. One of his hands rubs circles on your clit once more, the other toying with your tits. “Come with me. Make a mess, filthy girl.”

That is all you need to hear until you convulse around him. A cry of pleasure falls over your lips as you reach your climax, your cunt eagerly pulsing around his thick length. As your knees threaten to give in, his arm finds its way around your waist, holding your spent body up for him. Tom soon follows after you with a grunt, emptying himself deep inside of your warm walls with one last thrust.

After pulling out of you, he lets your exhausted form rest on the silk duvet of your bed, placing a kiss on your forehead. Just like last time, he casts a cleaning spell first on himself, but then, on you too. With another wave of his wand, you both are dressed again.

When he is done, your eyes lock. Neither of you says anything for a moment, until you finally find your voice. “Don’t leave, please.” you whisper, yearning for his touch — touch that isn’t rough or painful, but touch that is soft and comforting.

“I wasn’t going to leave.” Tom replies, taking a seat next to you on the bed. “Consider your “date” next Tuesday cancelled. I am taking you out.”

“Where are we going?” You ask, a smirk creeping onto your face as you sit back up.

“It’s a surprise. You’ll like it.”

He swipes a strand of hair out of your face, his gaze lowering to your neck. “So where is the necklace?”

You had placed it in your jewellery box when you took it off. “It’s downstairs.”

He mumbles two words, one of which you make out to be “necklace”. As soon as those words leave his lips, the silver chain lies on his palm, the green stone shimmering in the dim candlelight. He places it around your neck and closes the clasp. “As long as you wear the necklace, you have a piece of me with you. Take good care of it. It was my mother’s.”

”Of course,” you nod, closing your palm over the green gem. As you do, a warm sensation radiates from the stone.

It’s not long until your exhaustion gets the better of you, and you drift off to sleep. Tom stays with you throughout the night, though when you wake up in the morning, he is long gone. You find a cup of hot tea on your nightstand, your favourite, and a note that reads the following:

Be ready at 5 on Tuesday.

And remember to stay away from him. I am watching you, sweetheart.

Tagging for pt 3: @smut-anarchy @theacreativity @tomriddleswhcre @sirenseaborne @hopebaker

#fuck I love u sm #my pretty bub #I appreciate you endlessly #lemme kiss u RN #viperify loves tomriddleswhcre <3 #tom riddle #tom riddle fanfiction #tom riddle fanfic #tom riddle x reader #tom riddle smut

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mulders-too-large-shirt · 7 months ago

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s4 episode 24 "gethsemane" thoughts

season FINALE!!! whew, it has been an emotional time these last few months, let me tell you that. i’m wondering how or if this will be wrapped up.

the episode description makes no mention of scully’s illness, just more aliens. we always end the seasons with aliens. i imagine that this will also be a cliffhanger, so i’m trying to brace myself for that now.

(author's note: there was nothing short of reaching enlightenment that could have prepared me for this, and even if i had ascended to nirvana, i might have been ripped back out by the sheer tragedy of this storyline)

but damn, with a title like gethsemane, i’m expecting even more tears than usual.

(author's note: yeah)

let us no longer delay.

we begin with some videos from 1972, including carl sagan! what’s he doing here? well, he’s doing alien things. are you surprised?

the man on the screen is speaking about the probability of contacting aliens. he says it is very high.

and then cut to scully in some very yellow lighting, politely trying to get to a crime scene to do some FBI business!

wait. is that mulder’s couch???

she just needed to make an ID on a body and BRO WHAT. DID SHE FIND MULDER DEAD??? IN HIS OWN APARTMENT?????

HELLLLLLOOOOOOOOOOO???!!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

now she’s in a meeting room with a lot of important people….

she’s explaining how she was assigned to the x files four years ago…. and she’s explaining the mulder lore.

“i come here today, four years later, to report on the illegitimacy of agent mulder’s work” <- WOAH WHAT??? betrayal?????

“it is my scientific opinion that he became over the course of these years a victim- a victim of his own false hopes, and in his belief in the biggest of lies” <- that is so sad????!?!??

HELLO??? WHAT??? hey. what’s going on. is that really scully? or is it an alien?

well. they’ve gotten me both hooked and worried.

is she lying to save him?? is he dead?? is she preserving his reputation in death?? because she said that stuff in the past tense… or maybe he was killed and she will be next if she doesn’t renounce everything???

WHAT IS AFOOT HERE.

scully i just publicly declared you my favorite, you can’t make me take that back…

(author's note: i should have never doubted her <3)

ohhhh fancy, the intro says “believe the lie”

helicopter over the yukon in canada. some guys say the stuff at camp is unbelievable. that's quite a jump in tone from before.

and now they’re marching up the hill, saying they’re very excited etc etc. it looks to be exhausting work. the score is very suspenseful.

they arrive in a cave and shake hands as the newcomers are introduced. and what is in there but…. a frozen alien???

i was hoping it would be a perfectly preserved mammoth :( but okay… whatever… (sadly kicks dirt around)

back to the meeting room with scully!!! she says there have been recent developments on the assumption that aliens exist… mulder was contacted by a man whose “pursuit of this evidence seemed to coincide with his own”, and she says he was duped!!!! fooled by scientific slight of hand!!!

and she’s here to expose this lie… and to expose his work for what it is….

GIRL, WHAT WENT DOWN???

now a cut to some sort of scully family event!! she’s telling a story about her brother bill. will we finally get to see him!? yes!! here he is!!! like their father, he is also in the navy, and seems to be pretty decorated.

and he says he sent her a birthday card, to which she says “thanks for remembering this year” LMAOOO get him again for me!!

(why does no one remember her birthday!!! i will cry!!!)

the priest arrives… and scully’s face falls…. why is she sad to see him? and why did he get invited??? i’m stressed.

father mccue is talking to her about drifting from the church and feeling awkward, but her mom asked him to come tonight. he says turning back to faith is essential in times like this. she says she hasn’t felt a need to draw on faith for strength, that she has some. and she won’t coming running back now.

huh, i wonder if she thinks that “running back” to the church will be admitting defeat. she says she’d be lying to herself and to him if she did that.

maybe she has only lightly been dabbling in god-related affairs since revelations, but not enough to want to return to mass.

but a phone rings… it’s mulder!!!

he says he’s sorry to interrupt her dinner, (so at least there’s some self awareness there) but someone named arlinsky at the smithsonian contacted him about a mountain in canada.

he says she needs to meet him RIGHT AWAY. BRO???????? she looks SO sad when he said that.

she would do ANYTHING for him. and tbh i see why she wants to expose him now. fuck that.

she’s assuring him that it’s okay, and he’s trying to apologize, but i’m still mad at him, and scully should be too. and who the hell is this arlinsky guy? apparently he was involved in a ufo photo faking?? but he claims he’s innocent?? THAT is what disrupted her dinner??

he says he won’t tell her what she’s about to see….

he has pictures of an alien frozen in the mountain and she looks deeply unimpressed. girl me too!

apparently the alien has been in the ice for 200 years. and babcock (arlinsky's colleague) was part of the team that found it.

arlinsky says it’s a very remote location for it to be a hoax, to which mulder once again displays some self awareness with his “well if you’re gonna go, why not go all the way?” but again, not enough to prevent himself from getting in this situation in the first place

arlinsky pulls out the ice core samples from each side of the body, and says he sincerely believes they have a full corpse of an alien.

but family dinner. i care about that more.

mulder says no one will believe him, and the same people that hid the truth will be asked to authenticate it, so there will be no confirmation either. which is why arlinsky wants him to go and get the body, because he knows it means everything to mulder

ohhhh scully says she has no opinion… “this is your holy grail, mulder, not mine” <- i am glad she is admitting she has no horse in this race

OHHH “proving the existence of alien life is not my last dying wish” <-yeah remind him that you’re literally dying and you can’t waste time because he SEEMS TO HAVE FORGOTTEN!!!!

“this is not some selfish pet project of mine, scully” <- well if it’s for the sake of your sister, but you’re hurting the people around you for it, that is still selfish actually

woah woah woah i had to write this next part out...

“you already believe, mulder, what difference will it make? i mean, what will proof change for you?”

“if someone could prove to you the existence of god, would it change you?”

“only if it has been disproven”

“then you accept the possibility that belief in god is a lie?” (where are you going with this…? this is a sensitive subject for her!)

“i don’t think about it, actually. and i don’t think it can be proven”

“but what if it could be? wouldn’t that knowledge be worth seeking? or is it easier to go on believing the lie?”

this exchange made me feel frustrated. i wish he would be less ahab-like all of the time. yes, it is a huge deal that someone found an alien. but i see no reason why he couldn't have gone to that meeting by himself. and bringing god into this when he knows that's something very personal to her is a low blow. i get the point he was trying to make about believing the lie and all that, but c'mon man.

mulder honey, i get that this is a big deal to you, but time and place.

she tells him that she cannot go with him, but then he says, well can you just look at the ice core samples please. and she nods her head reluctantly.

cut back to the big meeting room with scully and other very important people

“what i couldn’t tell agent mulder, what i had only just learned myself, was that the cancer which had been diagnosed in me several months earlier had metastasized. and the doctors told me, short of a miracle, it would continue to aggressively invade my body, advancing faster each day towards the inevitable” <- OH MY GOD??? oh my god.

but why wouldn't she tell him... did she think that telling him then would interrupt his alien quest?? and she didn't want to do that because she knows how important it is to him? or did she not want him to worry?

because i would have told him!!! i would have said it right then and there!! but she is very different from me...

the fact that she is aware that she has so little time left and STILL left her dinner to go deal with his nonsense… scully, i fear you give too much and need to do things for yourself, please please

back on the mountain, they’re cutting the ice with a chainsaw. feels a bit unscientific, but i mean i guess that’s how you get that stuff done.

one guy is loading a pistol??? saying he doesn’t know the men well. that’s suspicious. i don’t care for it.

there’s something in the ice. maybe a bubble. or a casting hole!! of liquid poured!! could this be a fake?? but the angle wouldn’t make sense, says one guy. hmm... i'm not sure what to think.

did they put a fake alien all the way up here…? and why is gun guy looking around all shady like…?

back to the core samples in DC. the scientist says he found some hybrid cells in there, not plants nor animals, but chimera, and he wants to get them under a microscope. hmm… can we clone da alien :3

someone walks into the cave in the yukon with a shotgun!!! and kills all of the men!!!!! what the hell!!! is this a real alien then?????

this happens just as others begin the hike up the mountain, including the smithsonian guy arlinsky. and mulder!! i didn’t even recognize him under all those baggy coats and sunglasses. wow. i feel like a fake fan.

someone was supposed to meet them and guide them up the mountain, but there’s no one there, and all the supplies are frozen over. so they begin the hike on their own, following the tracks from the others.

oh! the find someone keeled over in the snow, to which mulder remarks “funny place to take a nap”. again with the inappropriate jokes as a coping mechanism. it’s the guide that was supposed to meet them!! and he was shot and killed!!!

well, the alien is starting to look more authentic as the bodies pile up.

back at the lab, scully is looking for the scientist, but she doesn’t find him. what she does find is a guy stealing the core sample???

he shoves her down the stairs?????? what the HELL!!!!

see, i thought the alien was a lie at first, but now it’s starting to appear compelling.

mulder and smithsonian guy arlinsky have arrived at the cave, and he pulls out his gun. they find all of the bodies from the crew, and no alien!!! it has been carved out!!!

mulder hypothesizes that perhaps someone was listening to their radio comms and came to hide their alien knowledge, but they hear some groans. and babcock is still alive!!

he says that the alien body wasn’t taken, but that he buried it!! and sure enough, they find it beneath their feet. mulder looks at it with amazement. big moment for a guy like him.

but scully!!! her face is bruised and her pristine lab coat is covered in blood! bill comes in with a change of clothes. and he didn’t tell their mom what happened.

“i was knocked down a flight of stairs… but i’m okay, luckily”

“you’re not okay, dana” <- OHHHH BILL. please tread carefully.

he says he knows about her cancer and she says mom wasn’t supposed to tell him!!!

she says she doesn’t want sympathy, and he accuses her of thinking she can cure herself. which feels like a terribly low blow.

OHHHH MY GOD. wait hold on. hold on.

“what are you doing at work getting knocked down and beaten up? what are you trying to prove? that you’re gonna go out fighting?”

“oh now, come on, bill”

“do you know what mom is going through? why do you think i didn’t tell her when they called?”

“what should i be doing?” (said with great frustration)

“we have a responsibility, not just to ourselves, but to the people in our lives”

“hey, look, just-just because i haven’t bared my soul to you or to father mccue or to god, it doesn’t mean that i’m not responsible to what’s important to me” (this was very defensive and exasperated in tone)

“to what? to who? this guy mulder? well, where is he, dana? where is he through all this?”

well…. i want to defend mulder, to say he doesn’t know, but just because he doesn’t know that her cancer is getting worse doesn’t mean he shouldn’t have been more sensitive. he actually has been very conscientious, which makes this whole alien thing all the more sudden and infuriating!!!

she is stunned into silence as bill looks at her with fury. and she doesn’t say anything more to him beyond “thank you for coming” <-god, what was she supposed to even say?? i get trying to shake her back to reality, but who did that cruelty help??

bill, i get what you were trying to do, but you pissed me off in the way that you did it. do you always show the people you care for that you love them by screaming at them? because if so. not a very effective tactic.

mulder is unboxing the alien, which is now in DC, and he’s trying to thaw it with the smithsonian guy arlinsky and babcock! who is doing better! despite taking a shotgun bullet.

babcock asks if it were a hoax, why would there be 6 men dead over it, which is a good question.

ewwww, the alien looks so gross….

with the help of another FBI agent, she finds the guy who hurt her!!!! and he��s working for the government!!!! in the pentagon‘s research facility!!! his name is kritschgau. they should not hire people in the government who assault women in stairwells.

mulder and crew are getting x rays and scans of the alien. mulder is wearing a sweater, but i’m still mad at him so i will NOT make note of how cute it is.

the alien body is gross as hell. they’re filming an autopsy. ohhh he’s cutting the eye membrane off. EWWWW. EWWW.

now the ribs…… ewww ewww ewwww EWW IT CRUNCHES. NASTY. he takes the ribs out and starts looking at the heart and lungs and some other white stuff in the chest. gag.

meanwhile, scully’s casing the joint looking for the dude kritschgau who assaulted her, and she finds him, tracks him down, and nearly hits him with her car!!! she has her gun and is going after him!!!! he is under arrest!!!

she is NOT messing around. we see a level of scully fury here that is incredibly potent and shown to us infrequently. i enjoy it, but it also makes me sad, because it shows how much stress she is under.

it appears he has slipped away, but she catches him!!!!! yes ma'am!!!!

kritschgau says that if he gets arrested, they’ll kill him. “they” being the same people that gave her cancer!!! how tf does he know about that???”

meanwhile, the alien organs are being weighed.

then cutscene back to the big meeting with scully!!! she’s telling them about how they smuggled the corpse back, saying mulder was ready to believe it was an alien.

but kritschgau convinced her it was otherwise, and not a true alien… he explained how mulder and her had been deceived and used, and that it was part of their plan that led to missy’s death and her illness.

god, how she must have felt hearing that… that everything that had happened to her was a waste, that the only point in her suffering was to advance corruption... it must have been devastating

as mulder leaves the warehouse where the autopsy was occurring, it seems he’s being watched by a guy with a shotgun??? is the shotgun guy going from before after the alien people????

it IS shotgun guy from before!!!! he knows babcock?? and he kills smithsonian guy arlinsky!!!

now who tf is this babcock fellow?!?!?!?!?!?

kritschgau is now sitting in mulder's apartment, explaining the "everything is a lie" story to him. mulder asks why he'd do this now- a fair question- and kritschgau says he came to him because his son is very sick after serving in the gulf war. i suppose if in this universe that is also something that has been covered up by the government, it could spark some disillusionment in the whole process once it impacts him personally.

he says "they" invented mulder, the regression hypnosis, the story of his sister and what they told his dad, and that the alien body was made carefully in a lab. and it would never be carbon dated, it was only for him to see so he would go public with the news and discredit himself.

mulder declares kritschgau to be a liar, but he says the body is already long gone, so he leaves to check. and sure enough, when he goes back to the warehouse, it isn’t there, but arlinsky is dead, as is shotgun guy!!!

again, WHO TF IS BABCOCK??!?!?

the cellular materials were an exact match to what kritschgau described.

and this brings us to scully and mulder really fighting, really really fighting

��after all i’ve seen and experienced, i refuse to believe it’s not true” “because it’s easier to believe the lie, isn’t it?” <- ohh callback to earlier....

and she reveals that he said she was given this sickness to make him believe… oh my god, if that’s true, and her life is just a prop in their sick game…

he storms out.

back to the video from the 70’s we began with.

mulder is watching it and crying. oh no… the beginning is clicking into place for me…… oh no, i see what is coming….

back to the meeting room. she says she went to his apartment that morning to identify a body, and that mulder died of a self-inflicted gunshot

WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK?????????????????

thus concludes the episode

she’s crying, she’s crying, all i can think about is her crying, what the hell, what the hell….

so he killed himself because he realized he was being used as a pawn and it was his fault scully was dying…

normally i would have more to say. but i’m not gonna lie to you, i don’t. this is just so fucking sad. i don’t even have the words. never in a million years did i see this happening. what the hell???? what the hell?

do i believe this kritschgau guy??? i think he’s probably telling 30% of the truth. but not the whole thing. why would all those men die for a fake alien? i think he’s being deployed as a cover story as mulder gets too close. and i think some of this is engineered, but not as much as he claims.

and i'm willing to bet that "believing the lie" actually refers to scully believing his cover story!!!

man. i’m sorry but i’m just so sad. i have been so sad this whole season!!!!

mulder…… it was rude of you to interrupt her dinner…… but this was not the answer…

how is sneaky mulder going to get out of the situation THIS time??? and how is scully going to get out of the hole she's dug by reporting all of their work as fraud?? is bill going to be happy now?? lowkey fuck bill, btw.

wow... this is just painful. and i don't even have to wait months to find out what happens next. had i seen this when it aired live i probably would have entered a state of mourning.

so that's the end, huh? of the season, i mean. just sucker punch after sucker punch. i hope this isn't the tone of everything else moving forward. can i get uhhhh one order of whimsy please. with a side of mutual pining. and a small hurt/comfort, emphasis on the comfort. thank you.

after waiting 24 hours from watching the episode initially, i am still torn between how to proceed next. part of me wants to compile all of my favorite moments from the season like always, but the other part of me wants to begin the next episode right away, just so i can move on from such horrible mental imagery as mulder dead from a self-inflicted gunshot. what a terrible thing i wouldn't even have expected from fanfiction!

but, i can also see that the next episode is a two parter, and to be left on ANOTHER cliffhanger would be horrible- but probably LESS horrible than being left with the sadness of dead mulder, right? i don't know what to do! i am filled with indecision!!!!

at least i can take away some fascinating analysis regarding scully's relationship to catholicism, and her idea that depending on any force outside of herself- be it family, friends, or god- is a sign of weakness. i mean, that is pretty telling about her character. and the fact that she believes this so strongly she tried to hide her cancer getting worse from her brother and succeeded in hiding it from mulder!!! to even voice the truth would make it real. maybe that's why she can't tell them, can't go to mass- because it would mean that the end is really near if she did so. i think it's about both the perceived ideas of weakness ingrained in her by her hardass parents and a refusal to let the situation she has found herself in be registered as real in her own mind. she knows it is. but maybe if she pushes it to the side, she can forget for a while.

wow. that sure is something to think over, and think it over i shall.

#chris carter owes me money for this nonsense. drop the venmo now.#scully :(#and btw shoutout to the people who gave me TWs #my policy is that i don't add content warnings to the writeup unless i go into detailed analysis far beyond what the episode shows #i operate under the assumption that if you read this blog you've seen the episodes before and therefore know what happens #and also this was set in the 90's. i would have to endlessly TW stuff because they did not give a damn about sensitivity.#i will say that this is the one subject that really pushes my limits so to those of you who warned me: i appreciate it <3 #so: my next post will be the s4 highlights- just not sure when it'll come at you #and in the meantime i will keep daydreaming of the MSR halloween hangout that i bat around in my head like a cat a toy mouse #pumpkins. candy. scary movie. the couch. yeah. you see the vision?#crossing my fingers the new episode of agatha all along is happy so i can have a palate cleanser tomorrow LMAO #save me lesbian witches. save me from such angst. or at least give me angst but with laughter sprinkled in to make it doable!#juni's x files liveblog #4x24 #the x files #txf

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