#I am writing my tags in a notes app and copying them over

[slutsareteacherstoo]

I Hope - A Terry Richmond Drabble Part Two

Black Fem! OC - Savannah (dark skinned, curvy, and disabled) x Terry Richmond (Gentle!Terry, Sweet!Terry, Nervous!Terry)

(I gotta get better at these tags, suggestions welcome!)

Summary: Savannah and Terry continue with they left off. But something stops Savannah leaving her unsure if what was supposed to be the perfect night is now ruined.

[PART 1] [PART 3] [PART 4]

Warnings/Things of Note: Slightly NSFW/NSFT (moaning, kissing, nipple play I guess...), fluff and comfort, playful teasing, anxiety, dissociation, mentions of disability, sex and trauma, intense ass eye contact and staring (it might turn into kink if you squint a lil bit), Switch!Terry (not really but we shall see...), people wearing masks (surgical, kn95, n95), shoutout to the library!

Really though, if you dissociate and/or have trouble staying present in your body, for any reason and/or you be feeling things too much and it make you wanna dissociate, proceed with caution. While it's cool to see yourself reflected in writing, it can also be disorienting. So. Before you read. I want you to have some grounding tools near by and take breaks as you need them.

Word count: 3K+ (3,679 WTF?!?!?! YAY ME)

Author's Note: Okay, yall. Here is the second part. This thing is long! I'm typing this in drafts right now on my computer. I have to copy and paste in into docs because I have no clue what the actual word count is (That shit was 10 pages when i pasted it in WORD!)

Thank you sooo sooo much everyone for your support. I'm glad you enjoyed the first part. Highkey...it's giving series cuz the things I imagined>>>> I'm a covid conscious girlie who still be masking outside so it's been a minute for me in this department! Trying to use my imagination and conjure the connections I know people are seeking, navigating the world like I do. So as i use my big brain, it'll pop up in my writing. If you wanna see more, let me know so I can add you to the taglist. I'm not touching this again til November! I got grad school apps to submit!

I hope you enjoy!

I'll give it to you freely

Cause you're so damn worth it

Oh will you still love me

Even when wе're hurting

Even when wе're hurting

As Terry returned to what he and Savannah both realized was her sweet spot, he indulged himself to hear Savannah’s moans over & over; each one differing in pitch and tone. Applying the pressure of his tongue to the spot and up to her earlobe, she made a low moan. And Terry felt as she pulled him closer. The feel of her long nails caressing his shaved head and neck and her sounds were bliss. The apprehension and embarrassment that Savannah had previously felt, were gone now. They were replaced with incessant need, incessant hunger. The need to feel this man on her, with her, inside her —skin under skin. The contact he gave her was none like no other. She let the sounds of pleasure spill from her mouth as Terry obliged her to.

As of this moment, Savannah was tapped into her body. The feeling was overwhelming but it wasn’t too much. When Terry came up for air, he looked into Savannah’s eyes, deep dark brown satellites. They marveled in comparison to how she described his planets. The look on her face was one he’d never seen before but was honored to know he helped put it there. She let out a shaky sigh.

“You’re really good at this sort of thing.”

Terry chuckled with a smirk, “I am.”

At the next thought, Savannah sheepishly smiled and looked away. Terry brought his hand to her chin once again, slightly nudging her to look at him.

“What?” Terry said with a smug ass grin, admiring the woman before him.

Savannah looked down with her eyes and flitted them back to Terry’s.

“I don’t know if I can ask you this.”

“You can ask me anything you want.” Terry slow blinked as he responded to Savannah.

She took his left hand from her chin and placed it on her chest, “Can you touch me here?” Grabbing his other hand, she added “and here?”

Terry said, “I can. What would you like me to do?”

“Whatever you want.” Savannah replied, focusing fully on Terry’s now bright eyes, while she bit her deep, brownish pink bottom lip. Terry took those words and massaged her chest. She was still wearing her black high neck tank top, the opposite to Terry’s gray one. When he squeezed, she let out a hiss. Terry took his thumbs and massaged what he felt were the outline of her nipples. At that, Savannah let out a “fuck”. Terry stopped, looking at Savannah, waiting for her eyes to open. Her dark brown skin was gleaming with the slight sweat she’d worked up.

“I didn’t say stop,” she said lowly, eyes heavy lidded with hunger. And so, Savannah was determined to maintain eye contact with Terry—to eventually be the one to win one of these staring contests. As he flicked his thumb in slow circles over her nipples, Savannah felt herself floating away. The feeling was good. Too good. Maybe too overwhelming. She was getting lost in the feeling. A new one, but overwhelming nonetheless. She was trying to stay here, stay present in this body. Her thoughts were interrupted by Terry squeezing her right shoulder. She blinked and focused back onto the objects inside of the room. The TV atop the dresser and the music sounding from it. The light on across the hall. Her clothes on THEE chair™️, and making them center back on Terry’s face.

Terry had seen Savannah enjoying the feeling, eyes rolling back at the pleasure, excitement and trying to maintain her focus on him. He wasn’t gonna lie. It gave him an ego boost. But then, he saw her eyes go in a slightly different direction. Her voice, her body still responding to his movements but her mind had gone elsewhere. Her eyes had glazed over and it made him stop.

“Savannah,” he squeezed her right shoulder again, “Savannah, baby.”

Her eyes found his again and her face contorted into a frown. You could see the disappointment on her face. Whatever feelings that were coming up for her right now, he wanted to make space for them —to make space for her.

“What is it?” Terry uttered softly.

Savannah shook her head from side to side. She kissed her teeth softly and said, “It was really nice. It felt good. It felt really good.”

Terry nodded wordlessly as he kept his hand on her shoulder, alternating light squeezes while he massaged it.

Savannah continued, “I felt too much. Not that anything you did was bad or wrong. It was perfect actually. Really really perfect.” She wanted to reassure him.

Terry gave her a small smile, “But?” he added.

“I felt it too much. It felt too good. And I think—“ she cut herself off. She thought what? That she couldn’t do this? That this might be harder than she thought it’d be? She didn’t want to say it. She didn’t want to think or even say or talk about herself as being too much. She’d done so much work already to remove that from her vocabulary, from seeing herself that way.

And Terry never did.

She hoped he wouldn’t now.

“I think that because the feeling—because EYE felt the feelings so intensely, I was so in my body, paying attention to everything. And that was scary. I think I got scared. I think we got scared.” The we in question was her body. The both of them were still navigating this together and it was difficult.

Savannah hadn’t even noticed the single tear that spilled onto her cheek until Terry wiped it away.

It was clear today that she would not be the winner of any of these staring contestants. 

Focusing on Terry and talking about this, made it too difficult. Eyes darting around the room as she talked, mostly because she didn’t want to see him. To see if the look on his face would change at all to pity. She couldn’t bear it. She hoped not.

Terry’s heart broke a little. But he made sure to maintain his steel of softness for Savannah. He didn’t want to speak too soon, speak over her, or imply anything that may not be true. He just wanted her to talk, to tell him what she needed. And he would help her in whatever way he knew how.

“I don’t want you to think,” Savannah said finally braving to make eye contact with Terry. Her nostrils were flaring and she was trying to keep her voice level. She didn’t want it break. But it did. “Less of me.”

At that statement though, Terry had to interrupt.  “I don’t think less of you.” Savannah raised a disbelieving eyebrow. “I don’t,” he doubled down and countered in a firm tone.

Savannah rolled her eyes in exasperation and sighed loudly. Not at Terry. Not even at herself but just at the situation. When Savannah could not find the words to say, Terry decided to speak some more.

“I don’t think less of you. I never could but especially not because of this. You told me that you needed—that we needed to take it slow. Like I said, you are in control.” He took a pause. “ I’m with you because I like you. I like you because of you. This,” he picked up her hands, pointing his chin to their hands and to Savannah. “means something to me. You are important to me.” He squeezed her hands for emphasis.

As he considered his next words, there was  silence between the two of them. Savannah had briefly removed one of her hands and used the bottom of her palm to wipe her eyes. She joined hands with Terry again, as the two lay side to side, knees facing inward. Music was faintly playing in the background. 

It was a simple yet hypnotic melody. In fact, that’s why they’d let it repeat over and over. It was Terry’s choice. And it was definitely going to be up there on his Spotify Wrapped. 

When he first heard it, Savannah had immediately come to his mind. She was definitely special and knew it immediately when he’d come across her. 

—

Savannah was oblivious in her own world when he crossed her path. He was awestruck. 

It was the sound of her voice that piqued his interest first. He heard her before he saw her. After locking his bike out front, he walked through the library’s sliding doors. He’d heard it as the metal song he’d been listening to was fading out. She was at a table explaining something to the group of people in front of her. There was something about her voice that was soothing and captivating. Taking his buds out ear by ear, he was able to hear her voice in its fullness. He didn’t have the first clue about how the nutritional value of frozen fruit and vegetables was just as good as fresh, but he’d listen more to find out. 

Staring in her direction, he was immediately taken by her. She’d been wearing a bright pink bandana over her hair put in a thick low puff. Clear, purple glasses over deep, dark brown cat eyes, lined in black. Thin, oversized hoops framed her face. The rest of it he couldn’t see because she was wearing mask. It was a white one with blue straps. It made him scrunch his face in curiosity, especially because most of the library patrons he could see weren’t wearing any. He’d done a quick ocular scan of the space from periphery to main fields of vision. Yup. He’d spotted maybe 4 or 5 people outside the seated group wearing a mask at all. Some wore thin, black and light blue ones. Others wore more sturdy-looking ones? People had them the in different colors—white, black, pink green. He wasn’t wearing one either. But no mind that, he wanted to hear more of what she had to say. 

She was wearing an orange crochet cardigan with a white ribbed shirt. The shirt was stretched over her large chest and tucked into black stretchy yoga pants. 

The thick waistband outlined the roundness of her soft belly. They hugged her wide-set hips that framed her full thighs.  The rest of the material flared out at her knees, covering her white and light brown running shoes.

It was at the appraisal of her lower half that made Terry let out what he thought was a mental, “Damn,” and considered what behind might look like. He realized that was not the case when the library worker at the front desk cleared their throat loud enough for Terry to hear and get the hint. He whipped his head in their direction, smiling apologetically and nervously with wide eyes and thin lips. He was being a man, in a way he was NOT proud of right now.

“Sorry about that. Is there a place I can charge my phone?” he asked while adjusting his backpack.

The worker pointed in the opposite direction of Savannah and her group. The worker was wearing a thin, black mask so he couldn’t see the bottom half of their face. But the expression in their eyes made it clear he needed to keep it pushing and do so expeditiously. He thanked them and made his way to get some juice for his phone.

—

Lizzie’s voice was crooning on the song’s fourth verse, fading out the memory 

I'll give it to you freely

Cause you're so damn worth it

Oh will you still love me

Even when wе're hurting

Even when wе're hurting

“You are important to me,” he repeated “I’m not going to say that I don’t care about it. Because it wouldn’t be true. I care about whatever affects you, however it affects you.” He was looking down at her, the pair’s eyes a perfect match of earth, water and soil. Her eyes didn’t leave his this time, despite the silly face Terry made to break the tension in the room.

Savannah laughed and resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She was getting better at keeping up with him. Maybe one day she would win one of these staring contests, he pretended not to know about. Attagirl.

“You can take however long you and your body need to adjust, to get back into it.  Take your time, baby.” he rested his forehead against hers, rubbing his thumb at her cheek “The loving ain’t going nowhere.” he said with wide grin, while Savannah let out a short, spluttering laugh. 

“Okay, Mary J Blige,” she said shaking her head and rolling her eyes upward, staring at no place in particular.

“I got you,” Terry said booping Savannah’s nose.

“You got what?” she said with in an incredulous look on his face

“You,” he emphasized, “You can’t keep eyes on me.”

Savannah waved his hand from her face, the gold, medical bracelet glinting in the light. “Boy, bye.” She twisted at her waist to reach for her glasses on the nightstand. When she faced Terry again he was supporting himself up with his left hand, while his right one propped his head. Terry was staring at her as if he were enchanted. He’d always stare at her like that. And Savannah couldn’t believe that he still was, especially after how tonight went. He was making her feel all self-conscious and shit. Damn him and his fuck ass, color-changing eyes.

“What?” Terry said softly, cutting off her thoughts

“Fuck you and your fucking eyes”, Savannah playful shoved his shoulder.

“Why you say fuck me for?” Terry said aloud after letting out a laughter of shock, thick eyebrows raised and eyes widened.

“Because!” Savannah retorted, mirroring Terry’s expression and previous tone.

“Because what?” Terry said now in a softer tone, while squinting at her. He’d reached out for her hand again without looking. She accepted it and Terry interlocked his fingers with hers. It made Savannah smile, clearly showing because her eyes never left his.

This man was gonna be her undoing, she was sure of it. And he was sure she’d be his.

“So,” Savannah paused, while she focused on the feeling of the small circles Terry rubbed on the back of her clasped hand. “I didn’t ruin tonight?” she asked, avoiding Terry’s original question. Her left arm was bent at the elbow on her pillows, mirroring Terry while he was now lower than her. She felt Terry shift and then his hand on her knee. He slightly dipped his head, green-gray eyes asking for permission. Savannah nodded her head yes, and she felt Terry gently grab the back of her right knee, pulling it closer to him. Savannah loved the way the skin his rough textured palm felt against the soft smoothness of her legs. And Terry couldn’t get over how soft and delicate her skin was. Especially when he grazed her sides, feeling her rolls and ripples. It was supple and satin-like. He was grateful for the privilege he was allowed in getting to touch her. In allowing him to do anything with her. He’d do anything she’d ask in return.

“You did not,” Terry said. “I got to spend time with you. I got feel and caress you.” He demonstrated by caressing the back of her thigh. “I got to learn more about the sounds you make when you’re really feeling good ,” he said wiggling his eyebrows. Savannah scoffed and rolled her eyes.

Terry kissed his teeth, holding in his smirk. “See, there you go again.” he said in a light teasing tone. It was Savannah’s turn to kiss her teeth.

“Ok, but to be fair, today should NOT be counted!” She butted in holding a pointed finger upward

“Nigga, nobody is counting!” Terry laughed out. 

“What do you mean, nobody’s counting? YOU JUST TOLD ME YOU ARE!” she exclaimed in shock and amusement. She wasn’t upset or angry. She felt…vindicated. Vindicated at the fact this mf WAS doing this shit on purpose! Ooh, Terry. When you I catch you, Terry! When I catch you Terry!

Now, Terry didn’t wanna look Savannah in her eyes. He was being shy and evasive and shit. Looking around the room, now that she found him out. He could feel the heat rising to cheeks. Not him blushing over this. Savannah lightly tugged his chin upward towards her.

“Nah, pretty boy. Eyes up here. This is what you wanted right?” Savannah had said, genuinely teasing him. He knew she didn’t mean anything else behind those words, just getting him back for the sake of getting him back. But the way she said them, while grabbing his chin made him feel something. He’d have to return to that thought another time. The firm squeeze she added, and the pressure from the tips of her naturally long nails, to grab his attention again didn’t help.

Savannah was looking at him expectedly, one eyebrow arched with lips slightly parted.

“I mean…” Terry trailed off. He did love staring at her. Yeah, he got a thrill from how any look he gave her she had a reaction to. But it really was her eyes that captivated him. Her eyes were a deep dark brown, iris and pupil ringed in black. They were a cat-like almond shape. Sharp and alluring without meaning too. When she lined them with different colors, it only made them more striking. He could help but admire them and admire her, like one would the moon. Intrinsically and reverently.

“…you got some nice ass eyes. Be distracting a nigga and shit.” Terry chuckled trying not to be the chalant nigga he very much was and Savannah let out a low cackle.

“Heh, hey.” she took that moment to clap her hands slowly, alternating her hands so that palms touched fingertips and fingertips touched palms. Swiping away some of the doubt and insecurity in her head. It made her get a big one.

Whew! Savannah didn’t know she’d be able to relate to Victoria Monét when she sang it, but making niggas feel a way is a forté really. Well, shit. She wasn’t gonna feel guilty about using his face and his eyes as the last thing she’d sense in her grounding practice anymore. And, she was making him fold like he made her fold? Nah, the game was on. She was committed to winning a few of these stare-downs and she was gonna come out on top, one way or another.

“Anyways, back to what you were saying much earlier.” Savannah ushered him to continue after they’d gotten hella distracted and off course. She appreciated the levity Terry added to the moment for her sake. But Savannah really did need to know that she didn’t ruin tonight and that she shouldn’t feel bad when they woke up tomorrow. She wasn’t in love him yet, but she needed to know, that if it happened —when it happened, a voice in her head said—That he would validate and reassure her when this would come up again. Because it would. Come up again. 

“Like I was saying,” Terry extended the first syllable of the last word for exaggerated effect. It earned him a giggle. “We got to pause and ground together, when we both needed it.” Savannah gave him a slight eyebrow raise. 

Terry began to rub at the back of his neck when he admitted, “I read online that light yet firm pressure could be helpful in helping a partner stay present.” Savannah’s face softened in surprise and endearment. Oh shit! Not him doing self-directed research!

So that’s why he was doing those squeezes and circles!

He continued hesitantly, “Yeah. I was just looking up different articles, going to different websites and other people’s accounts and stuff talking about disability, sex and trauma, you know. I just wanted to make sure I could help you feel as comfortable as possible. And you know, I got kinda nervous too cuz i was like, ‘I don’t know if Im fucking up or doing too much’ so I was stopping when I needed to too.” Terry was rambling nervously and it was so cute and sweet. She couldn’t believe he did that for her. And also that what he found helped him too.

“But yeah, nothing was ruined. I got to be here with you. And see what it was like when you start floating away,” he ended in a singysong way, wiggling his fingers for emphasis looking nowhere in particular.

Terry made sure to snap his head back to Savannah’s. He reached up for her face, his thumb slowly moving up and near her chin and lips. At that, she took a hand and draped it behind Terry’s neck. She used her nails to make slow, stroking movements at the across the length of his neck. She wanted to make sure she heard what Terry was saying.

“But I want you know, that I’ll be right here with you on earth. No matter where you go, wherever you go.” Terry stated firmly. He had an earnest look in his eyes. His, tinged with grey among blue-green ocean waves, moving in sync with hers, being compelled by the draw of her deep brown moons shining with black rings. The tides of feeling and connection present between the two were unmistakable. Undeniable.

Savannah knew that he meant every word. 

And it was scary as hell. 

She hadn’t had someone feel so sure about her in this way, in a long time.

But she wanted to see it through anyways, whatever this would become with time. She hadn’t told him everything, just enough to be in the know. And he took that information and built on it. For them. For her.

Savannah slightly lowered her head towards Terry, hovering her lips right over his. Her chain dangling over his.

“Thank you,” she whispered into his lips. 

“Nothing is ever too much for you,” he whispered back.

And so the tides crashed, leading their lips to softly touch together. Melting with the hopes for the future and the celestial of their current now.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

Author's Note Pt 2: Comments, questions and suggestions are so welcome (please be nice to me tho 🥺 👉🏿 👈🏿) I did try to revise this one and edit it for real for real. If there are any errors let me know.

If you're wondering how he got Savannah out that mask...you gotta keep reading. If you wanna be added to the taglist without getting all my other NSFW reblogs, please lemme know in the replies.

Also I hope that those of you who needed to or still need to take some breaks and do some grounding cuz reading may have been a lot, please do that. Slowly blink your eyes open and close. Stretch your fingers, wrists, arms, and neck. Hell, your whole body. Drink some water. Grab a snack. Put on a mood uplifting song. <3

Also if you somebody like me, who still be masking when they be outside, im writing this for you extra!

For anyone who need it, let this work be a manifestation for the dynamics you desire, that are aligned with you in all ways, with no doubts or questions. May the Divine deliver and you recognize them upon arrival. You got this, boo! 😉

Okay thank you for coming to my TED Talk 🥰 See y'all on the dash

[pseudowho]

hi haitch!!

i love love love your writing!! i think i’ve read through every piece of your work 10 times over. you have such an amazing talent and i get so excited when i see you post!! you are 100% my comfort account.

i wanted to ask if you had any advice for anyone like me as i’ve never written before but i have so many ideas and drabbles shoved in my notes app. most of all, i’m nervous about posting them here on tumblr.

how can i build up the confidence to write and post, make sure i’m not lacking in details or emotions, have a good post structure/setup, or any other tips for a nervous wreck like me who wants to put themselves out there? ((without feeling like an idiot :(

thank you for being you. i can’t wait to see what words you gift us with next!

- annie 💙

Hello! I'm sorry it took me a while...but here goes.

Firstly, that "posting nerves" gets way way way better. I hesitated for days before posting my first piece. It's like exposing a piece of your soul, sharing your writing, and it makes you feel profoundly vulnerable. This is likely why you have the nerves about it.

I have to say, it's a plaster you have to rip off. If the average account (including mine, remembering I only started in October), is anything to go by, it's normal to get barely any notes for your first pieces, unless you have a lucky break. Even the best writing often goes unnoticed. Building followers is hard work.

r.e. the lacking of details and emotions, pick a few pieces on Tumblr that you feel show details and emotions well, and take inspiration. Emulation is a totally valid way to learn to write. Remember to *show*, not *tell*. Subtle imaginative detail goes a lot further than leading the reader by the hand.

r.e. structuring posts, keep it simple. I use "+-+-+-+-" as dividers and have done since I've started, but lots of lovely Tumblr users make little dividers you can use. As well, again, copy the structure someone else uses, if you like it! I'd also say smaller paragraphs go further on Tumblr.

Also remember, I am very very happy to proofread and offer constructive feedback. It's a great way to learn, and literally nobody needs to know, I would not give permission for you to tag me in posts. I teach, and give dissertation advice as part of my job, and have proofread Mr.Haitch's work for years. I'd be happy to help if you ever wanted to message.

Thank you for loving my work. It means so much to me, it really does. I post any old stuff I wrote now with no nerves at all, but remember this is very recent for me too!

Love,

-- Haitch xxx

[neithliveshere]

building my organization and productivity system part 1: school

hello interweb

this is a big project so we'll do this in parts.

first: school

I am finishing the last couple classes I need for my degree over the summer, therefore school is still an important part of my life.

Apps:

notion:

I am not a notion girlie, but I can't find an app that lets me build databases the way notion does. at least not one I like. I am a productivity app enthusiast so i've tried just about all of them and notion just works the best. Here is the template I use to keep track of my assignments. It is a mix of StudyWithAra's template and Notion's Assignment Tracker. The image above is the template I've made available for all of you! There are automations set up (the lightening icon), but I think everything is pretty self explanatory? if you have any questions don't hesitate to reach out.

edit: I have added a new section called "treats" to the database, to help motivate me to finish more of my work. I should add that this system is what I have developed while struggling to manage my chronic illnesses.

obsidian:

my one true love. i can wax poetic about why this is just a superior notetaking app, but that will be for a later post. for now, think of obsidian as a wikipedia database for all your notes. it allows for tags and backlinks and search and callouts... its amazing. love it there. uhm. a bit of a learning curve, but again a whole post on obsidian upcoming. here is a bit of an intro video for obsidian for students that I often return to. will reveal my obsidian notes in that post I'm working on.

timepage:

if you love stationery you might be familiar with Moleskine. they've built this wonder suite of productivity tools and timepage is the calendar app. I use this on my phone! its everything a calendar app should be and more. its super cute and functional and customizable. I use google calendar to create different calendars that i've color coded to correspond to different areas of my life. i use a couple different calendar apps but timepage is my school calendar. it tells me when to leave for class, how to get there, and how long i have to rest/study/eat between my classes. it shows the weather, alerts you of rain, and did i mention its cute?

things:

the adhd/depression/anxiety struggle is real. I have 101 different apps to tell me what to do and when. things is another one of those apps. one of my lovely friends purchased the mac app for me and it has been a game changer. i use things to organize my entire life, but in the screenshot above you'll see my school list. when notion is too overwhelming or i need to break down things a bit more, i use things.

youtube:

here are some youtube channels I recommend for motivation, for aesthetics, for background noise 1, 2, 3, for body doubling...

drafts:

cute little app. great for quick notes and also uses markdown so easy to copy and paste between drafts and obsidian. opens and closes quickly and syncs between your mac and phone for free! I write my speeches in here and also those last minute things your professor says after you've already put away your notebook.

anki:

just started using this because i am in desperate need for spaced repetition. i bought and set up a small remote using this video to help move through the flashcards faster. i am also terribly lazy so we definitely downloaded premade cards instead of making our own. still need to do a bit more research to be able to use this software properly, but it is good enough for now. I am supplementing this app with the flashcard app below.

brainscape:

i use this to learn whatever I am studying. recently it has been vocab and kanji, but I imagine I might add in grammar cards at some point too. if you are familiar with anki, brainscape has a similar system for "learning", meaning you rank the card after seeing the answer, deciding for yourself how well you know the material. I can also download the decks I make to use during my commute so that is super helpful. And it's free (with a subscription upgrade available)!

Supplies:

as for material supplies, you'll find some of my favorites below:

kokuyo campus semi B5 - 5 mm graph

kokuyo campus semi B5 - dotted 6 mm rule

zebra sarasa gel pen .07/.05

pentel energel .07/.05

pilot g2 .07/.05

zebra mildliners

bic mechanical pencils in .07

twsbi fountain pen medium/extra fine

platinum carbon black ink

hobonichi cousin

System:

okay so i'm not quite sure how to explain this in a way that makes sense, but i shall attempt it. the system as it stands has a few steps.

move weekly assignments and such from the syllabi to Notion

add due dates and deadlines into Calendars

move tasks to Things

plot study schedule onto Calendars

write essays using notes i wrote in Obsidian during class

study for Japanese using Brainscape and Anki for memorization

practice Kanji and writing in kokuyo campus notebooks

write scripts, quick notes, etc., using Drafts

migrate things from Drafts to Docs, Obsidian, Calendars, or Notion

commence studying using YouTube as background noise

---

that's all for now. I'm still working on the next few posts in this series, but I hope this is helpful or at the very least somewhat entertaining.

wishing y'all the best,

Neith

[stuckyevanstanfan]

Tumblr is annoying...this was supposed to be under a read more and it is glitching...

So I've mentioned stuff in real life is cutting into my internet time. Sometimes I'll write comments in my notes app that I don't end up posting. 

I've decided to compile them into one large part to get them out of there and hopefully move on from those feelings. The first bunch were written in April pre-hiatus and the second batch in May after 7x07. 

The purpose is to let the thoughts go free so I can feel peace etc. Most of them probably don't apply any longer anyway.

Feel free to ignore this…if you do want to respond they're numbered. 

(I actually have no idea if I posted or commented any of these thoughts before…just went through my notes app and copied and pasted the 911 ramblings I did, so sorry if you've seen one before)

1. I don't get this fandom...I see comments saying they haven't made Buddie cracks since season 2, they are so respectful of buddie's relationship, long-form storytelling, etc. 

Then comments about how the way Buddie fans act will make them not reward Buddie fans with Buddie and that fans don't deserve it. 

This implies they don't respect Buddie or long-form storytelling and they're willing to cut off their nose to spite their face. 

2. I don't know why people say they'd prefer Buck and Eddie stay friends rather than get together in an unsatisfying way. 

I didn't like the way Booth and Bones got together and ended up stopping the show. However I'm still glad to know that they are canon and in love. That's out there in the universe even if I never finished watching their story. 

It would have been so upsetting if Bones and Booth hadn't gotten together at all. 

Unsatisfying is a matter of perspective.

3. I'm very curious to know if all the tuck fics that feature just Buck/Tommy (no pining Buck or eventual buddie) imply that Buck and Tommy are a for now couple or if they're thinking of marriage and spending their lives together.

I won't read any of them though 😂

4. "Tommy can't replace you. No one can. You're the most important person in the world to be, besides Christopher."

#Buddie wish list

(This was presumably something I wrote when we thought the Tommy Eddie friendship was making Buck worry Tommy would replace him. And I had made a note to add it to my buddie wish list tag. As an aside, Tumblr is useless - I know I've had that tag or even mentioned "wish" on my blog before but when I search the posts don't appear

Anyway..... Now I feel I need reassurance in the opposite direction. Buck needs to make it clear that Christopher and Eddie are his priority over Tommy. This is why I don't understand people who want Buck and Tommy to get married, or write fics where Buck thinks Tommy is the one. Just make it clear you don't care about Christopher&Buck and Eddie&Buck and don't care if their relationship changes. If you're writing him to have the thought about Tommy being the one and he wants to marry him and he's the most important person to him, then he can't have the same thoughts he used to have about Christopher and Eddie.

If Christopher and Tommy are both injured in the hospital asking for him, Buck should choose Christopher.)

I’ve seen posts trying to argue the opposite and how they can all be his priorities and how Tommy loves that Buck loves Chris and Eddie, but they’re not good arguments

5. This is what I need Tim to say if he wants to convince me to drop Buddie:

"I know we said we'd leave it open and we like how you interpret Buck and Eddie, but I don't see them in a romantic sense and they never will be. These two men can love each other completely but have no desire to have sex with each other. Even if one or both is queer, I am writing them to love each other in a way that is not sexual or romantic. You may think they complete each other in a romantic sense, but I think it's in a platonic, familial sense. You can't control who you have that sexual spark with."

If he's not willing to say it, then that means buddie canon to me.

If buddie didn't go canon, then he baited fans. Relationship baiting is extremely annoying and I can't stand showrunners who act like that because they must not respect their fans enough. They care more about money than integrity. 

I'd also be willing to accept this:

“I'm really sorry for stringing you all along, but buddie is not something I'll be writing. I know I put in so many parallels to the other canon couples, and that was a dumb thing for me to do when I never intended to make them a canon couple. I realize now that there were other ways I could have written their friendship not to come across as romantic at times. I'm owning that mistake, and moving forward I will not try to bait you into thinking buddie will ever be canon.”

6. Did they ever address Tommy talking about sleeping with grateful victims?? 

No one is willing to talk about it. 

I've even tried using tumblr's search function to find posts about it but there is nothing (I’m not sure if people aren't talking about it or if tumblr's search function is that bad)

7. I always thought they'd be able to make Buck and Eddie get together while still feeling like Buck and Eddie, but something is off

The gifs I saw of 7x04 seemed OOC

8. I know we're getting buddie eventually, not from anything we've seen in the episode (because I haven't seen it - this was about 7x04), but because of Tim's quote in this interview:

Minear much preferred having Buck go through this experience with someone the audience already knew, rather than having to “invent some bi character for Buck to have an awakening with.” Fortunately for Minear, when he finally got them together, “they had chemistry!”

And it isn’t lost on Minear that Buck’s dynamic with Tommy echoes the one he once had with Eddie, calling it “almost a reprise of the dynamic from [Eddie]’s first episode where Buck was super jealous of the new guy. Now he’s jealous for a different reason.”

Tim would not be dumb enough to talk about the bucktommy situation echoing what happened with Eddie if it wouldn't eventually lead to Eddie. 

If he wanted bucktommy to be a valid relationship on its own, he wouldn't piggyback off what happened with buddie and expect it to work. 

9. Why did they have to make Buck and Eddie into pod people? There were better ways to do this storyline than turning thirty something year old men into fanfic teenagers

10. Honestly at this point with some of the sexual posts I'm seeing about bucktommy, I'm expecting those former buddie stans to say that Tommy will be the best sex Buck ever has and that Eddie will be a step down that he'll have to settle for just because he loves him, but he'll always dream of Tommy and hope for a threesome to have a proper dicking down again because Eddie can't find his prostate 🙄

I have no idea why fandom is gassing up an average white dude, none at all

[adding on: I ended up blocking tags during the hiatus so I haven’t seen anything since then and I’m not sure if this is still the case]

11.I know people are enthusiastic about Buck's first kiss with a man, but imagine if it were Eddie - wouldn't it be a disappointing kiss after all this time? It would be like the feeling after that pirate show kiss

12. Buck, who screams out "Eddie! Eddie! Eddie!" every time Eddie gets hurt or is in danger - that Buck, injuring Eddie and having no reaction? Illogical. 

13. People can like the bi Buck storyline without needing to become a bucktommy shipper. People offline do it all the time: watch a show and like it and not become shippers.

14. Buck has been turning down Eddie’s invitations to basketball for a while??? What?? Since when?? Why does that not sound like Buck?

And then the show expects me to believe he has a crush on Tommy so he finally goes when it's not just Eddie but Tommy will be there?

(Apparently some thought it was because he wanted Eddie's attention but someone pointed out he stared at Tommy the whole time?)

Why are they writing Buck to be so annoying just to reach bi Buck?

It feels like they're changing Buck and Eddie's friendship and even minimizing it

15. What are the best buddie scenes and why are they

The shooting

The will

Buck falling asleep on Eddie’s couch

Some of 6x13

16. What were the buddie friendship moments in 7x04 since everyone liked them so much? It seems there were Buck/Tommy and Eddie/Tommy moments but I haven't heard anything good about buddie

I just heard about the 7x05 scene about Buck wanting to help Eddie, but no one was talking about that when the episode aired. So I feel like there were possibly other moments no one decided to talk about. 

17. In what characterization of Eddie would he have Marisol watch Christopher twice in one week to hang out with Tommy instead, then ask Buck for a third time? I really don't get it. 

18. Kristen introduced Marisol

Tim implied it wasn't a good job since he knew nothing about her

Tim wants this storyline to get to know her since he didn't know her

Yet Kristen had the nun idea? 

He threw Kristen under the bus for not introducing her then decides to take her bad ideas?

19. I believe buddie is happening because I like believing the best in people. Based on various comments Tim has made and the way so many scenes have been written (jumping ship, wanting to help, etc.), he would either have to be dumb or cruel if it doesn't lead to buddie. Dumb if all of those insinuations and winks and nudges mean nothing, and cruel if he is doing them deliberately but it doesn't lead to buddie. 

Why would I want to think that he is dumb or cruel?

-> within a day of writing this, I ended up seeing a post that basically said that Tim is cruel enough to do this… I don't understand why people want to think that Tim is gleefully cackling at stringing fans along 🤷🏻‍♀️

20. It's so interesting how both sides think the other is fetishizing:

Bucktommy fans think the other side just cares about a noncanon ship and should support the actual queer couple

Buddie fans think the other side just wants Buck to kiss a man, any man, and don't care who it is

21. So... Controversial opinion... Buck fans don't seem to understand Eddie, Eddie fans don't seem to understand Buck, and buddie fans don't understand either

I say this as a self-owning buddie fan: there are so many things I feel are out of character, but they happen on the show, so the show clearly thinks they're in character, meaning I don't understand their characterization

Those were the initial batch of thoughts I had in April. Here are some May thoughts:

22. Hey, so at least Buck and Eddie are both cheaters 🤷‍♀️

23. Anti-buddies were right but got the reason all wrong... they said Buck and Eddie won't get together because they're both in other relationships and wouldn't cheat....

But Eddie ended up cheating anyway 🤷‍♀️

I assume the Bommy fans are ecstatic whereas the Medisol/Eddisol and Eddie fans are upset

In a way I guess this is more proof for buddie though, since Eddie can't end up with either Marisol or Kim after what happened. Both those relationships are tainted so he needs a new one

24. I know it's supposed to be about the journey as well as the destination, but the journey to Buddie has been horrible so far. 

People who said "Just enjoy the journey on the way to buddie" - how is this Eddie storyline enjoyable??

I really hope the payoff is worth it and not fizzle out like so many other storylines on this show

25.If buddie doesn't happen, how do you fumble such an incredible story? It's honestly like a train wreck. 

26. I’m confused about what bommy fans think about the name for Tommy/Thomas. Earlier they thought it was Thomas and how it was all red string of fate because of the old man Thomas telling Buck not to find it but to make it. Then fans were happy the plaque said Tommy. What made people want Thomas and now want Tommy? It seems very inconsistent. And then out loud they said his name was actually Thomas? 

27. The way people talk about Tim really makes me think buddie will happen because people seem to think he cares more about his reputation and what people think of him. He wouldn't want to be known as the showrunner who fumbled this.

28. Eddie may have been the misdirection/bait and switch (whatever people are calling it) for 7x04, but Tommy will end up being the misdirection on the eventual Buck/Eddie relationship

[monstersinthecosmos]

Kacy! 29, 30, and 48 for the fic writer asks please and thank you ❤️

(writing asks!)

29. What’s your revision or editing process like? !!!!!! I try not to ever edit as I go because I used to be really bad about tinkering and not moving forward, so I kinda like CHARGE AHEAD and get the story done, and if I think of something I want to go back and add, I write it down for an editing note. It also helps to give me fresh eyes when it's time to edit, because if I haven't reread the WIP it kinda helps if my memory is fuzzy and I can be a little more objective.

I also don't do heavy editing because I do the big moves inside my plot outlines. It's very rare that I change my mind on something huge that I have to go back and revise. I'm just constantly using the outline to sketch the story out so when I'm actually writing, all the structural stuff basically is done right the first time. I edit for like typos and flow and stuff. So the process is something like this

Copy editing notes into my notes app on my phone so that I can full screen the story but have the notes available on the littler screen

Change the font! So that your eyes are ON ALERT and the text doesn't look the same as it's looked for weeks while you were writing!

Pick the correct MUSIC TO EDIT TO because I always have songs that are integral to the emotional core of everything I write, so I need to play them while I read/edit as a vibe check to make sure the tone is correct. I always want the reader to feel the way the music makes me feel! So editing music is really important to keep the tone!!!!!!!

JUST START REREADING AND LOOKING FOR STUFF. I am a sloppy typer so I always have a million typos. I look for typos and like, if I reuse the same word/phrase too close to each other.

I do a separate read through for smut scenes to just double check that everyone's limbs are accounted for and no positions got flipped.

I do a ctrl+f for phrases like "a little" and "for a moment" because I know I overuse them lol.

I double check my editing notes in case I forgot something in the moment.

THEN I copy it into Google Docs (I write in Scriv lol) and run the gdocs grammar check because it helps catching sloppy lil mistakes. It will overcorrect you on stylistic choices so don't let it correct everything, but it catches a lot of typos for me.

AND THEN!!!!!! I copy it into https://hemingwayapp.com/ which wiLL READ YOU FOR FILTH AND TELL YOU YOURE STUPID so do not use this tool too seriously. I also often use passive voice ON PURPOSE sometimes so SUCK IT HEMINGWAY but I like to use it to check for dense sentences and just basically skim over and see if anything looks super sloppy.

THEN I POST IT ON AO3 and read it again because I always find more typos after it's posted because the pressure of it being public gives me better vision.

AND FINALLY once it's on AO3 I also have the screen reader read it to me out loud because that lady finds some more typos LOL. Hearing it out loud catches what my eyes don't.

30. Do you share rough drafts or do you wait until it’s all polished?

I very rarely share rough drafts! I usually make my WIPs available to Discord friends to get some cheerleading but I don't publish them. Occasionally I'll share like a WIP Wednesday passage or something if I get tagged or asked but otherwise I keep it TO MYSELF! 48. What do you look for in a beta?

bro I don't use betas lol. My mom Anne Rice told me not to let people edit my work.

Occasionally I use a beta because I need to like for a zine (like you beta'd me once for the horror Sheith zine!) but that's the only times I use one. I just want people to like, be constructive, and I want to be communicated with beforehand so that I know what they're looking for and I can tell them what type of criticism I'm willing to listen to vs. what's off limits.

I don't want to sound dramatic LOL but I had a really traumatizing experience in my first zine where I got beta'd without warning/permission, when they said they'd just be checking for typos, and I got absolutely fucking shredded. Like not a single paragraph in my whole fic was left alone, and the beta had like, rewritten sentences, rearranged sentences in the paragraph, erased stylistic choices, added exposition that I didn't write, and removed a bunch of references I had laid down throughout the story as a motif. It was genuinely like so demotivating and made me feel so fucking terrible about my writing and really fucked me up. I still haven't shared that fic on AO3 because I can't look at it without thinking I'm an incoherent fuckup. AND ALL THAT, AND LIKE ONE SINGLE COMPLIMENT LOL. Like one single thing in the whole fic that the person thought was nice. ashdkjglasdg . Lord I almost packed it in after that lol.

So anyway I don't look for betas, on principle, but if I do ask someone to beta I try to be clear like "Find typos and tell me if something didn't make sense." I don't need someone to like shave down everything that makes the story sound like me or add extra fucking sentences, like. Bro no. lol. And give me lots of compliments so I don't feel like I did a bad job because I don't want to feel like I'm being graded on my homework :(

[formula-red]

thank u @gaygglejuice27 @f1-giuki and @sennaverstappen for the tags ily MWAH!!!!!!!

get to know ur moots qs!!!!

Are you named after anyone? yes but my full name was her nickname, she was a close family friend and possibly one of the most kind, intelligent, talented, and hilarious people i have ever known and it might sound cliche but i really am honoured to be named after her. my middle name is also after another woman who was a strong bad ass bitch (my great aunt) so kinda balling out in that sense.

When was the last time you cried? yesterday? yeah yesterday. i never used to cry and now i do all the time i don't know what's happened

Do you have kids? no but being a mom is my ultimate goal in life so ideally want to have some before the end of this decade lol

Do you use sarcasm a lot? uh yes. probably to the extreme. but being dry and sarcastic af has helped me get along with the brits hahah

What sports do you play/have you played? i had to stop playing sports when i got sick but i played footy since i was 3 (centre mid like khadizah heh heh), and then lacrosse and ice hockey most of my life. also field hockey for a year. but ice hockey was by far my biggest love i miss it so much. oh and i hike a lot now if that counts

What's the first thing you notice about other people? eyes and smile fs. for someone who hates eye contact i sure do pay a lot of attention to ppls faces/eyes lol

Scary movies or happy ending? happy ending, life is hard enough as it is

Any special talents? something is wrong with the joints in my pinky fingers so i can move them like a robot. also i make music which isn't that special but oh well

Where were you born? in the state of massachusetts in the grand ol us of a

What are your hobbies? f1 (in case u didn't notice), music, writing, hiking, video games, making imovies, i keep up with footy a bit

Do you have any pets? i have two dogs back in the states, one in particular was my buddy and i miss her so much. can't think about her too much or i'll cry

How tall are you? 5'3" ≈ 161cm

Fave subject in school? biology & choir pre-uni, obviously in uni psych since i've gone on to get my masters in it but also environmental bio still has my heart.

Dream job? stay at home mom or homesteader. yes yes i know i sound alt-right or something but i mean this in a fuck capitalism i wanna be a self sufficient hippie and have my kids get an experiential education kinda way.

Eye colour? blue but my right one has some brown streaks in it.

a lot of ppl have been tagged so i don't know who has n hasn't, either way tagging (as always w/out any pressure at all) my pals mwah mwah mwah @usersewis @schumigrace @simplywrong @rossocorsaseb @albonium @skitskatdacat63 **eta: @osaka-lilac i don't know why it didn't paste ur un when i copied over from the notes app you were supposed to be in here too ;;;;;-;;;;; ILY ILY ILY ILY**

[lyssalis-corner]

General Advice for New Writers, in No Particular Order, because my brain is about as organized as an over crowded desk.

This post has come about because A) Sister has decided she’d like to write stories, and B) I saw another one of those stupid “the word said is dead, don’t use it” posts. And a “Show don’t tell” post.

Let’s face it, sometimes, ‘said’ is not the best word for what you’re doing. But it’s not dead. That’s ridiculous. But you can’t just substitute ‘elaborate’, ‘informed’, or ‘demanded’ willy-nilly. And those ‘use this, not that’ posts are about as helpful as a heater in July in Florida, most of the time. Especially if you’re just getting started (I know, I was there not to long ago). So, a question you might be asking yourself after just coming off of one of these lists is, How do I know which one of these to use?  Which is honestly a perfectly valid question. And now you’re probably asking If it’s okay to use ‘said’ how do I know when?  Which is also a valid question. The answer is practice. Practice a lot. And give yourself permission to suck. I could not be more serious.

Here’s something that helped me, pick a book you like, by your favorite author. Sit down with it, and analyze the crap out of it. The choice of when to use ‘said’ is really a style choice most of the time. For me, it comes down to a sort of flow chart of questions; Does this sentence need a dialogue tag? If so, why? Am I clarifying who is speaking, or does it need inflection? Because sometimes, you don’t actually need  the dialogue tag. And if I’m just clarifying, I use ‘said’. But if I’m adding inflection, then I use other words; ‘exclaimed’, ‘asked’. ‘Said’ is a workhorse of a word.

My learning process was one of trial, error, and studying. I picked maybe four books, and I just read them over and over until I could write a mimic of the author’s style. Until I understood what made it feel like it did. Until I felt like I understood what each word choice added to the story.

With your first story, you will probably come back later and go what the heck was I thinking? You will. I still do with stuff I wrote not years ago, but months. That’s how fast my writing changes, sometimes. There are times when I get caught up in how awful I perceive my old writings to be, and I don’t write for weeks or sometimes months, because what if it sucks like a vacuum cleaner? I’m still coming to terms with that inner fear. I am. It’s a process. But you have to not let that defeat you inside. And sometimes that looks like saying, it’s okay if this sucks, that’s what editing is for. And ultimately, if it sucks that bad? Make a copy (always keep stuff you’ve written, because you’ll never know when you’ll want something, no matter how much you hate it in the moment. Trust me, I know.) and shred it. Burn it. Tear it into a thousand tiny pieces and then vacuum it up. Whatever method of destruction is safe, and available to you. The destroying is pretty cathartic. Living in the country, we burn most of our sensitive documents, so I tend to burn my stuff once a month or whenever we have a burn day. But shredding is also nice.

You should never hate yourself, because the stuff that’s less then perfect is just you growing. Babies do not stand up for the first time and run. They take very wobbly steps. You don’t sit down at a piano for the first time and play a perfect concerto. You learn the names of the notes, and how to read the sheet music. And then you play something simple, like Twinkle, Twinkle. And then, once you get better, you can make Twinkle, Twinkle fancy. Writing is the same way. I’m not saying you have to write every day, because sometimes, that seems like a lot. I’m saying always carry a notebook. Have an app like Evernote, or have some Google Docs always on hand, so that when you have an idea, you can write it down. Schedule an hour into your day so that if the urge hits, you have time to pour your soul out.

Giving myself the permission to not be great was a good release, and I encourage you to do the same. My genre is typically Fantasy, which means I tend to spend hours comparing myself to Tolkien, who had years and years of time to write. That is not productive, because I’m 18. I’ve been writing since I was like, 7 (when I couldn’t even spell, so I’m not sure my first two years really count. And I wasn’t writing every day either). But I didn’t really start to seriously write until I was 12-13. So I’ve only been writing for five years, and I’m putting this expectation of living up to J. R. R. Tolkien, literal giant of my genre, on myself. Not. Productive. It’s an easy trap to fall into.

Also, if you can help it, don’t rush yourself. Don’t expect to sit down and write 5,000 words in an afternoon. Settle for a manageable number, if you’re even bothering to count. If you need to see visible progress, and your on a computer, turn your font size up. I do this all the time, because then I can say I wrote X pages worth of material, and I don’t lose my momentum. Momentum can be everything when you have an idea.

-- Do Not. Do. Not. Feel bad because you have not finished a writing project. -- This is quite possibly the most important thing on here. No, I am not joking. I am not a part of any community of writers right now for two reasons, 1. I do not have a finished project to bring to a meeting, and most groups require one of those. And 2. I write mostly fanfiction, and finding a group of older writers to go to for guidance, who meet in person, in the bible belt, who don’t immediately put you down or discount you for writing fanfiction is hard, man. But more on that later. (I had one, but Moving kinda broke that). If all you have are works in progress, that’s fine. I have, like, ten projects I’m working on right now. All in various states of disarray. I’ve got an entire series of fanfiction I’m working on, plus multiple original works that are in the planning stages. I have never actually finished anything, and I couldn’t write a short story to save my life (I guess I’m just a novelist in my soul or something?). Sometimes I feel bad, but then I remember that it’s okay.

If you write fanfiction, you are so, so, VALID. Confession time. I have a bit of imposter syndrome because primarily, I write fanfiction for TESV; Skyrim. And Some People, maybe even a lot of the people you encounter will tell you that this does not make you a Real Writer (which is a thing that, quite frankly, does not exist). That is a load of crap. It is. I’ve spent way to much time hearing people ask me when I was finally going to grow out of it, and write something, original. Something real. And I almost quit writing because of it. And you can pry my Dragonborn, Elysande, out of my cold, dead fingers. But before that? I was playing around with some Miraculous fanfictions. I also toyed with Stargate: SG-1, and The Inheritance Cycle stuff. None of it ever got finished. But it contributed to something bigger. But it left a lasting scar of all the time I spent justifying myself to other writers for my passion. Fun fact, did you know that there are people who make a living off of writing and publishing fanfiction for public domain characters? Does BBC’s Sherlock ring a bell? Because that is essentially monetized fanfiction. Seriously. It’s becoming more accepted  by the public, by the consumers. Don’t let someone kill your passion like that, writerlings.

If you don’t want to, don’t get caught up in the details. My latest writing “hack”, is to make one document, and insert page breaks wherever I need them, to keep all of my story material in one central location, and then I can edit it together to make sense out of it later. Or re-write it. Also, if there’s an add comments feature, use it. I’m always adding comments and re-writing sections until it feels just right.

[whirlybirdwhat]

Have you ever though about making your own island in the one piece world? I don't know why not more people do that one piece's islands are so diverse i think making one could be a fun worldbuilding exercise.

OOOOOOOO oh this is fun. i somehwhat made my own islands in what the ocean drags down and belong among the wildflowers and in the upcoming chapters of heart of darkness and dearest brother (who you are) but i have yet to like. make an island for the sake of an island despite my love of worldbuilding - so lets see

In the new world lies an island that straddles the world of sky and sea, claiming both for it’s own bounty and joy. There is no name, except for the one whispered on the wind, but it’s landscape can never be forgotten. First - the island it’s self. A caldera, opening out into the sea, with lava tracks carved into every piece. The water is vibrant teal and blue, with white caps only on the most windiest of days. Sailboats and ships can find themselves at home on the bustling ports, but they’ll find few local homes. For that, they must crane their necks and look to the sky, past the mountain peaks and trails and to the highest point - and let their eyes follow ropes and thethers up to the floating city. It floats above the caldera, held up by rainbow colored balloons and connected by rope bridges and nets. There, the inhabitants of the island find their homes and stores and government building. There, children frolic behind closed nets and people soar around with gliders rather than on wavers or boats or by their own feet. There - it is no sky island, but it is a city in the sky all the same.

okay this was too much fun and let me get into stuff that i have been thinking about for a possible dnd game and dear anon i will be thinking about this nameless island forever now. i love this island oh my gosh

I am also inviting everyone else to make their own islands and @ me so I can rb them and enjoy them when I got wifi again because !!! This is so very fun. Also my e k and , keys stopped working on tumbler and Tumblr alone while I was typing this?? So I have had to write this in my notes app and then copy paste it over. Tumblr is a functional website. damn.

[crowned-ladybug]

1, 6 (ik you do but I'm very curious on the process), 9, and 21 for the writers asks! ♡

As typical it's taking me ages to actually get to these I'm sorry!!!! Thank you for the ask tho anyway <3

1) Who is your favorite character to write for and is this the character you find easiest to write for?

With all the characters over the years this is a tough one to pick out but proooobably Benrey still. He's got very fun internal monologue in my hands and you can fuck around a Lot writing him, and that does in fact also make him Easy. He's always come pretty naturally to me which explains a thing or two about my HLVRAI fics i'd say sbhdcbhdcbs

(Recent honorable mention to Sam bc he's also been proving surprisingly fun and then Dima destroyed me by saying his POV is the closest to how i talk on discord out of all the characters they've read me write so far)

6) Do you outline your fics? If so, how?

I start with the notepad app and trying to do a relatively basic lineup of just what scenes are gonna happen, so that I can have the pacing and order of things down. I hardly ever go in with a full lineup of scenes/plot already laid out in my brain, so this is where the fic is first actually born

This works half the time, giving me about a sentence for a whole scene, and then other times i end up outlining an entire scene on the spot

Then comes copying the thing over into an actual document that isn't fuckin exhausting to look at and thus the second pass of rounding out the scenes I haven't accidentally outlined well enough already

My outlines have been getting more detailed lately, so here's to believing in ghosts in specific had a Lot of bits near the end where i was just copying notes over almost word for word bc i had entire paragraphs laid out already. Other times stuff gets left at "and then they talk about [topic]" level of detail until i get to it and have to suffer

A lot of fleshing out also happens on the fly while I'm writing a completely different scene or not writing at all and then have to tab back over to the outline and add like two sentences that i cannot allow myself to forget

It's hard to pick a good example without drowning this post but this was the outline for the first scene of poison in the ashes, for comparison's sake

(I very rarely use any dialogue tags at all when outlining unless they're Significant already. I either just know who's talking anyway or if there could be any doubt, I use a chat format instead)

9) Do you visualize scenes in your head before you write them? (Can you picture the setting, character body language etc)

YES

I am a Very visual person so a Lot of the times I'm trying to put entire movie scenes onto paper and even when that's not so painfully the case, I always have the visual counterpart in my brain. Things are always pictured. Hanging onto very Very specific line deliveries which i cannot convey in text is what's less often tho, and thus sadder to forever only be in my brain, unable to hand to anyone

(I've gotten compliments on specific scenes feeling movie-like before and every time it's such huge thing to hear, that the image not only got onto the paper but also into someone else's head)

21) Writers choice - pick any of these questions that you want to answer.

14) What is something you wrote in a fic that you are hoping readers picked up on but you don't know if they did? And/or, what is something that you were excited that readers did pick up on?

There's always stuff and hardly any confirmation one way or another, however very specific example from recently: the way the first collapse scene in poison in the ashes is arranged was very much a callback to the concussion scene in and what comes tomorrow that I never expected to be picked up on and then Dima screamed at me about it so much :D

Also from poison in the ashes: when in one scene they talk about bad tea, and Rafe tells Sam to just tell him to make some next time, and then the next day Rafe is in fact the one making the tea while Sam loiters. Very on purpose. Of all the things Sam has to fill Rafe in on every morning he's decided to include the tea

[with-love-anu]

Some tips to start a fandom blog (for writers)

Okay, before I begin I will like to say that I am no expert or am 100% sure these are bound to work. But these are some things I learnt over time that might help you out! 

1. Tagging posts.

This one is one of the most important points! You must tag everything properly for your content to actually reach as many people as possible. 

Do your research! Search up common/popular tags people use for the content you want to post and use them wisely. 

Use no more than 20 tags because tumblr will not show them up. When you post something, make a quick search of any of the tags you used and go to the recent section to see whether your post actually showed up. If not, try posting again.  

For new blogs- don’t start posting as soon as you make a blog. Your posts will not show up. Instead, reblog some content (gifs / moodboards / fanfiction etc) for a week or two along with tags! 

Tags I use for my fanfiction**:   #character full name   #character first name   #character full name fanfiction   #character full name x reader   #character full name x you   #character full name x y/n   #character first name x reader   #character first name x you   #fandom name   #side character full names (excluding oc)

**I’m currently writing for HP, Marvel etc. 

2. Taglists.

Now this is a tricky topic because there’s never a straight answer to this. I’ll just list down the some things I’ve learnt about taglists.

A long taglist does not equate to more number of notes. While taglists help your readers to be notified about your content, I know for a fact that it doesn’t mean everyone mentioned will interact with the post. Some might do, some might just leave a like while some might not read at all. 

Taglists work only when the people you tag, read and reblog and are actually active. Otherwise not so much. 

Tagging will take at least 10-15 minutes, copy pasting a taglist doesn’t work. You have to click on each individual user so tumblr tags them. While tumblr has updated by adding the filtering activity option, there is still a good chance that the person might not get the notification at all. 

Is there an alternative? Well, what I’ve done is that I’ve made a side blog. Whenever I post some new content- I reblog it over there. If people have the notifications on for that blog, they get notified whenever I post. It technically works the same way as taglists. 

Another thing you can do is submit the link to your post to @catching-the-train-to-hogwarts to be promoted to a large number of readers. PSA: Only for HP fandom.

3. Posting time.

Yes, this is important. Search up the time tumblr or the specific fandom is most active. Post during that time or a little later, so that people could see your works on their dashes. 

Schedule your timezone reblogs strategically. 

4. Interact.

Interact with your mutuals, with other writers. Comment and reblog their works and talk to them. Don’t be afraid to seek help or ask something if they welcome that- you are always free to send me asks. It’s better when people know you because that way it’s more likely that they’ll read and see your work. 

I am not telling you that anyone is bound to reblog your work because you do the same or the fact that they are your friends. I’m trying to say that sometimes a little support goes a long way. I wouldn’t be here if my mutuals didn’t help me out in the beginning.

5. Post format.

Okay so what I’ve found while searching and reading up fanfiction is that I personally was more likely to read a fanfiction with a summary and mentioned word count. 

Use a keep reading option or tag it with #long post. If your fanfiction is more than 1K words and/or contains nsfw/smut content- use that, it’s monotonous to see a wall of text on your dash. It’s the three dot box on a new line  adjacent to the insert gif in case you’re using the website. If you’re using the app, type :readmore: on a new line and press enter.

Use warnings. It is essential- mention it if there are none. 

6. Miscellaneous.

Participate in challenges. Enter in different challenges while making new content because one, it will give you exposure and two it will be great way to promote your work. 

If you’re starting a completely new blog, it’s better to have content made up in advance. Because firstly you need time so that tumblr recognizes that you’re not a bot so you’ll have to reblog posts for a week or two with appropriate tags. Then posting content consistently does give you a boost because more content (maybe at a gap of 3 days) means more followers, more people who read your works. 

When to make masterlists? People are usually quicker to follow when they see a masterlist made so it’s an advantage to make one when you’ve posted about 3-4 works. But if you make a masterlist later- after posting about 10-15 works, it will give you a boost in the activity because new users will be able to see your works and binge. The choice is upto you.

There are users who would say that it’s good to take as many requests as possible because it helps you grow. While it is true to some extend, I don’t find it to be useful. Because when I first begun, taking in all types of requests burnt me out and lowered my motivation because there were scenarios I didn’t relate with at all but still wrote them. The quality of my content decreased too. Again, it’s up to you.

I used to write headcanons during writing blocks. Headcanons are usually easier to deal with and not to mention the fact that they are fun. That way I could provide for more content and still not stress out.

Most of all, take it easy. It’s not your job- you are not supposed to create content every time. You, your health and happiness comes first. People will adore and love you even if you stop posting for months straight. Have fun, okay?

[rei-does-stuff]

Hi so I’ve tried to write this ask like 20 times but tumblr keeps deleting it in the middle of me writing so this is getting copy pasted from my notes app <3

So like I’m not a lesbian, much less an mspec lesbian or a male lesbian so idk how upset I’m allowed to be over the exclu scythe lesbian flag but I am upset lol

I’ll start with the scythe aspect of it. It just doesn’t look nice lol. It’s literally the most basic jpg of a scythe slapped over a color palette from the cover of the first book. Boring! I much prefer the scythegender and scythe lesbian flag you coined, bc… yk…. They were actually made by a fan of the book series! And they look better. Plus shi didn’t even spell Neal right in the tags!

Now onto the spicy discourse!

I don’t consider myself a radinclu, mainly because of certain syscoursey stuff and because people like proshippers will always try to worm their little ways into safe spaces. However, I do consider myself a supporter of all good-faith identities, and like… imo, mspec lesbians and male lesbians (unless they’re like. Literally just cis men calling themselves lesbians for the funnies) aren’t doing any harm??? Like literally, it’s JUST labels. Mspec lesbians are just people who choose to label their sexuality a bit differently, sometimes for simplicity’s sake, sometimes as an identity. Male lesbians are mostly transmasc or non-binary people who just don’t want to label their attraction as straight for one reason or another, from what I’ve gathered! And that’s completely valid! You made a really good post about this on your main, but like. Non-binary really isn’t just women-lite, you have to support ALL non-binary lesbians or you support none of them. You can be male-presenting and identify as a lesbian, because literally NO ONE other than chronically online people give a shit! I’ve heard the argument so many times that “male lesbians and mspec lesbians are ERASING the oppression that REAL lesbians face!” And like. Like I said before, most male lesbians are either transmasc or non-binary. Not cis men calling themselves lesbians for no reason. How is a non-binary person or a transmasc person identifying as a lesbian reading your oppression? Unless they pass as male VERY well as male, they’re still probably going to face the same oppression that lesbians face for being a non-cis man being attracted to women or people who aren’t strictly male. There are so many reasons someone can identify as both lesbian and male, and I think that’s completely valid. I may not personally understand it (on a personal level) but it’s not  harming anyone, so it’s really none of my business! 

I also scrolled through the OP of the exclu’s Twitter and they’ve retweeted really transmasc-negative posts and while I won’t get into it bc I know you’re not a system they have some absolutely horrible system takes so like. They’re just overall a shitty person! Shop from our fandom! Scythe is for everyone!

(You dont have to answer this i just wanted to get it out lol)

Firstly, even if you’re not an Mspec lesbian or lesboy or any of that you are still 100% allowed to upset over exclus stuff, exclus hurt everyone!!

And yeah!! My guess is that they looked at the first cover of the first book and based it off that, without actually reading the book at all, and as scythe is a MASSIVE special interest of mine it did tick me off a lottttt, I get it was a request but still :/ thanks for the compliment on my flag tho <33

And you don’t have to label yourself a radinclus to support us dw, I don’t even rlly label myself as a radinclus

Also even if someone ‘passes’ really well they’ll still get a TON of hate regardless, plus passing is subjective in a lot of cases, and also if anyone says that cis men like cishet not queer in anyway MEN, can be lesbian they are probably a troll, because you cannot be a lesbian in anyway unless you are queer!

But yeah!! The whole argument is very online centric, irl queer people will not have this discourse at all,

I didn’t really look into the blog too much, I just block exclus whenever I see em, but I’m not surprised at all

Most exclus are shitty tho, and they shouldn’t be in the scythe fandom <3

[1kook]

late fee

jeon jeongguk x (f) reader

summary: “Captain Underpants isn’t glorified by all the tryhards, so when I pick those books, you’re unknowingly more interested in me.” tags: f2l, flirty kook, jk’s obsession w/captain underpants, he’s a fuckboy but he’s a soft fuckboy dont get it twisted, campus boy crush jk(yes again), jk abuses the FuCK out of pet names, miss koo1aid actually writes some PLOT warnings: much flirting, nsfw bc of a lot of heavy petting, pussy eatin’, a lil dirty talk, very s l i g h t coochie sniffing, BUT!!! protected sex :) wc: 10.3k

i wrote another fic (applause) and the entire thing is based off my belief that jungkook 10000% would enjoy captain underpants books. not proofread bc i am a hermit and speak to exactly 0 ppl on here, que dios los bendiga

“Helloooo, sexy librarian,” Jeongguk says the moment he steps through the door, lopsided grin adorning his features as he swaggers over to obnoxiously lean against your desk. You can’t even pretend you didn’t see him, his presence so blaringly consuming, and evident in the way some dorky high schoolers glance over to gawk at him.

“What book are you checking out today, Jeon?” You muse instead, leaving your desk chair to head over to the stack of new books that needed to be stamped. As you turn, Jeongguk whistles at the sight, and you don’t even have it in you anymore to retort back the same way you would when he first started bugging you. “Also, are you aware that your copy of Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants is due tomorrow? It’s a dollar for every day it’s late—”

“You needn’t worry longer, baby,” Jeongguk interrupts, and the loud smack of a hardcover against the desk catches your attention. There lies Jeongguk’s Captain Underpants book, alongside the paperback copy of Beloved that has definitely seen better days.

You furrow your brows. “When did you check out this one?” You question, checking the spine to make sure the book belongs to your library. Much to your surprise, there’s no barcode on the side, and no stamp on the inside.

Your question goes unanswered as Jeongguk jumps into a full-length novella recapture of the hot frat party he’d been to last weekend, and how the Zeta Theta Psi guys knew how to party. That Jimin fellow that Jeongguk frequently mentions had apparently snorted a line of coke off their friend Seokjin’s broad shoulders just to prove his friend had godly proportions. It’s weird, but Jeongguk says it’s because you have to ride for your bros. You try to act uninterested, but Jeongguk’s a funny guy, really, and you can only hide so many chuckles with the sound of a stamp.

He’s in the middle of trying to cover up of one of his frequent trysts after accidentally exposing himself—”Don’t get it twisted, baby, I just took her upstairs to call her friend.”—when Namjoon comes out of the back room looking for you. He barely glances at your guest, before handing you a list of overdue books.

“Would you mind calling these people?” He asks, voice soft, just as everything else was about Namjoon. “They’re all a week past.”

“Yikes,” you say, eyes scanning over the list. Surprisingly, Jeongguk is still there, hovering over you as if waiting for you to dismiss him. “Do you mind, Jeon?” You say, channeling your best customer service voice. As much as Namjoon was wary of him, he still considered Jeongguk a patron in your establishment and hated to see him treated poorly, no matter how many library rules Jeongguk broke.

“Of course,” he sighs, and you miss the hostile glare he throws Namjoon when you whirl around for a highlighter. “I’ll see you later, sweetheart,” he says when you turn back around, stretching ana rm in your direction.

Half of you knows exactly what he’ll do, but the other half of you, the one trying desperately to act like his advances have no effect on you, have you placing your palm in his. You’re not super surprised when he tugs your hand upward, pecking your knuckles with a flirty wink. “Adios, Juliet,” he smirks.

“Wrong language,” you inform him, rolling your eyes nonchalantly even though your heart is beating one hundred miles per second. Jeongguk cackles, loud as all hell in the silent library, before making his exit.

It’s silent for all of twenty seconds before Namjoon jumps right into it. “So are you seeing him, or…” he interrogates, trying to act like he’s hardly interested, but you’ve known and worked alongside Namjoon long enough to know he’s secretly the community gossip.

You ignore him, choosing to jam the buttons on the phone instead.

The weird thing about Jeongguk, was that, although he was notoriously known amongst the undergraduates (and even some graduates, because he just had it like that, you suppose) as one of the biggest fuckboys, he was different. Not to sound like every teen romcom you’d ever scanned, but he genuinely was. For starters, he’d fuck your brains out and then make you his best friend the morning after. He definitely had a very peculiar, and backwards, way of doing the whole one night stand thing.

All this you’ve gathered from your friends, who, at one point have had some sort of encounter with Jeongguk. Dahyun’s was last spring at a club event, when he’d oh so smoothly flirted with her for a solid hour before realizing she didn’t swing that way. Which is how they become close friends, which is how, by association, Jeongguk set his sights on you.

Your introduction to Jeongguk wasn’t anything out of the ordinary; he’d been tagging along behind Dahyun like a lost puppy, begging her for some class notes, and had subsequently followed her all the way to your favorite meeting place. From then, he’d dropped his petulant, childish act and put on his macho face, chest puffed and eyes hooded as he devoured your very presence.

The next time you see him, it’s at a frat party where some guy had been harping on you go upstairs with him. Another weird thing about Jeongguk, he hated when other fuckboys didn’t utilize their brains. You assume it’s because it gives the fuckboy community a bad rep as a whole, but Jeongguk hated when guys were overbearing. So he’d taken the initiative to snatch you away from that fellow, guiding you all the way back to Dahyun and friends just to make sure you were alright. Somewhere along the way, you’d informed him you worked at the local library—”The one that does bingo on Tuesdays?” “That’s for senior citizens only, why do you know that?”—and he’d never left you alone again.

This time, he spots you in the dining hall.

“You come here often, dollface?” He says the moment he slides up beside you, instantly zeroing in on the burrito wrap on your plate. Like the little immature baby he is, his hand immediately snakes out to touch the precariously wrapped white tortilla holding the deliciousness inside, and you have to physically slap the offender away. He jumps, bumping into a girl standing in line behind him, not that particularly cares. “So, it’s fuck Jeongguk hours, huh?” He huffs, adorning his face with that uppity glare he mastered from watching Mean Girls on repeat a few months ago.

“Your plate is stacked, but you wanna grab the one thing on mine,” you point out, and his lips curl into a smile at your response. “By the way, your book is past due.”

At this he gasps, all real, no Regina George effects added. “You’re lying,” he chokes, switching his plate to his other hand, and you nearly jump when the muffin balancing dangerously on top shifts. He tugs his phone out of the pocket of his sweats, scanning through his remind app until he sees that his book is overdue by three days. He groans, staring at the ceiling in shame.

You nod, breezing over his inner meltdown. “Was wondering when we were gonna get the wedgie winner, or whatever its called, back.”

He scoffs, giving you an unimpressed glare. “Wrath of the Wicked Wedgie Woman,” he corrects, looking so disappointed that you don’t have these bizarre titles memorized. “For such a pretty librarian, you sure are ignorant to these literary masterpieces.”

This makes you cackle, and your cheeks flush when at least three people turn to stare at your outburst. “You aren’t seriously calling these Captain Underpants books masterpieces,” you snort. Jeongguk shrugs, and you begin to wonder if he really is as airheaded as the characters he admires. “Jeon,” you try to reason, giving him a pleading look, because arguing the credibility of kids novels in line for lunch simply does not seem real. You must have been warped into another dimension where all pretty boys are as dumb as the movies make them out to seem.

“Listen,” he says, smiling when you grow desperate for him to prove you wrong. “I’ve read a lot of good books, but nothing tops a hypnotized superhero principal fighting crime in his underwear.”

You sigh, paying for your meal, and then, surprisingly, waiting for him to pay for his. You tell yourself it’s because you want to finish this conversation, but part of you just genuinely enjoys being in Jeongguk’s presence. Gag.

“I saw you with Beloved last week,” you carry on the second he’s done giving flirty eyes to the middle-aged cashier. “Now that’s a masterpiece.”

He nods in agreement. “But, baby,” he purrs, and the sudden switch from weird, 12 year-old literary enthusiast to grown as hell, suave bastard has you jolting a step that you try to play off by pretending to look at something on the ground. “How else will you remember my face?”

You blank. “What the hell are you talking about.”

Jeongguk gives you a pointed look. “Sweetheart, you wouldn’t remember a damn thing about me if I did what every other stuck-up bastard did trying to pick up chicks at the library.” You tilt your head in confusion. Jeongguk sighs. “If I went in every rainy Friday and checked out a Tale of Two Cities, or Oliver Twist, or some other Charles Dickens shit, you wouldn’t glance my way.”

“Do people still read Dickens?” You say instead, glossing over the fact that apparently Jeongguk’s visits were apparently blatant attempts to flirt with girls. Finally, you find a suitable spot at a long, dinner table so you don’t have to sit completely alone with Jeongguk.

“You know damn well better than I do that that those wannabe sophisticated books have waitlists.” He shoves half a pizza slice into his mouth, and you hate how your eyes immediately laser in on the strong movements of his jaw. “My point is,” he says through a greasy mouthful. “Captain Underpants isn’t glorified by all the tryhards, so when I pick those books, you’re unknowingly more interested in me.”

You cradle your burrito in your palms, rolling his words around your head for a bit. Jeongguk doesn’t particularly seem like he’s awaiting an answer, munching through the mountain of food on his plate as you revel in your thoughts.

It’s right when you go to take your first bite that you finally come to a conclusion. “But have you ever considered I’m interested in you because I think you’re funny?”

Silence. Jeongguk stares at you through his fringe, pizza slice slowly going limp in his hold as he absorbs your words. Before you know it, his ears flush red. He splutters. “I-You think I’m funny?” He asks, cheeks slowly growing rosy as well, and his lips quirk in a cute way to the side, as if he’s trying desperately to hide his excitement.

You nod, because it’s true, why would you lie? “Duh. You come in every week and just talk about your day, Jeongguk,” you say, as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world. “I think you’re very interesting and entertaining without trying.”

“Thanks,” he mutters, and for the first time, you’re thrown off by how adorable this man looks, lips pressed tight to contain a smile from your compliments.

Realization hits you all at once, but you’ve long since trained in the fluid art of avoiding your emotions.

“There’s a party tonight,” Dahyun announces from her desk, not even bothering to glance at you when you return from the showers. You hum, not really that interested in whatever is going on this fine Thursday evening. You plop down at your own desk, starting your skincare routine.

Dahyun lets you relax in the soothing motions of self care for all of three seconds before she adds, “Jeongguk wanted to know if you’re coming.”

You press down too hard on the pump of your moisturizer, sending a large glomp onto the tips of your fingers. “That’s nice,” you say, trying to play it off, but you doubt Dahyun hadn’t heard the little spaz you had, or that she couldn’t sense the way your body immediately lit aflame at the mention of him and you in the same sentence.

She turns in her seat, and you catch sight of her in your mirror. You avert your eyes right away, because Dahyun had many talents, and her best one was reading your mind with a single gaze. You maintain an aura of unbothered and uninterested, finishing with the rest of your skincare.

Just when you think you’re safe, Dahyun pounces.

“Y’know,” she says, and you can hear the grin in her voice. “He hasn’t slept with anyone in almost a month. In fuckboy time, that’s the equivalent of two years.”

You roll your eyes, putting away your products before trying to busy yourself with anything else. “He probably has, but with people who know how to keep their mouths shut.”

Faintly, you hear Dahyun’s chair scrape against the carpet, and then suddenly she has you in a headlock. “Admit you like Jeongguk or I will throw your toothbrush into the toilet on the third floor.”

You choke, grappling her arms in an attempt to pry her off. “No,” you huff, switching tactics to tangle a hand in her silver locks. “Why would I confess to something that isn’t true?”

She shrieks when you give a sharp tug, sending her careening sideways against the foot of your bed, but not without taking you with her. “You are lying to yourself and to the entire librarian community, you sick fuck.”

You snort. “The fuck does Namjoon have to do with this?”

“He told me Jeongguk’s been bringing you Starbucks.”

Her reveal has you halting in your tracks, cheeks flushing at being exposed. “That gossiping fuck,” you seethe, finally loosening your grip on your friend. Somehow, you’ve ended up sprawled on the floor of her side of the room, nestled into the stupidly fluffy carpet she thrifted. She rolls onto her belly, propping herself up on her elbows to narrow her eyes at you.

“So it’s true,” she sighs. You shrug. “Well,” she claps her hands together. “Shimmy into that sexy dress from Windsor, we’re going out.”

You groan, rolling over in metaphorical agony. “Dude, I just washed my face. No way in hell, I’m putting on makeup now.” She considers your point for negative three seconds.

“The Glow Kit is in my bottom left drawer,” she announces right as she exits the room with her towel and shower essentials in hand.

The Glow Kit is in fact in Dahyun’s drawer, which is a little suspicious considering it’s the same one you thought you lost three months ago. Nonetheless, it never lets you down, and by the time you’re done with your makeup, you’re looking like a shimmering, little succubus in the hot dress from Windsor.

Normally, you and your self-esteem were rivals; never on the same page, always bickering, sworn enemies from birth. But right now, as you admire yourself in the closet mirror, you can’t help but marvel at how good you look in the slightly loose dress.

“Damn,” Dahyun says as soon as she returns, all fluffy in her towel. “You will fuck tonight, or else.”

“Hey, baby,” Jeongguk smiles at you the moment you walk in, hooded eyes raking over your body in an agonizingly slow manner. Dahyun chooses then to do her party trick—disappearing without a word.

“Hi…” you respond, voice meek in this party setting. There’s more people than you anticipated, which is weird because it’s a Thursday and surely some of these people have morning classes. You can’t comment, though, because you’re here knowing damn well you have an eight am tomorrow.

The music is blasting, so loud you can feel the bass shaking the floor, sending jolts up from your toes to your head with every beat. There’s people in every crevice of this household, some even taking refuge on the staircase leading up to the bedrooms. Someone brushes by you, and you instinctively step closer to the wall to avoid being in the way. You should have known Jeongguk would follow.

He ducks down to shout into your ear. “Wasn’t sure if you were coming tonight,” he tells you, right as one of his friends rushes by, thrusting a cup into his hand that Jeongguk doesn’t even stop to question. He takes a sip, then offers you some.

“Dahyun didn’t wanna come alone,” you lie, tentatively sipping from his cup only to realize it’s worse than any alcohol here: it’s Sprite. Jeongguk seems amused by your subtle disgust, immediately taking the cup back. You send out a light prayer for his stomach and his skin. “Aren’t you supposed to be out pulling hoes or something?” You say, trying to go for teasing and playful but missing by a mile.

Jeongguk grins. “Why would I do that when the only girl I want is right here,” he motions, and then does that cliche move where he places a hand by the wall behind you. The worst thing is, even though Jeongguk seems intent on pulling every cheesy act known to mankind, your heart actually races.

“Shut up,” you laugh, “you just like that I don’t charge you the late fees on your books.”

At this, Jeongguk genuinely smiles, nose scrunching up as he gazes at you. “False,” he argues, and then leans forward, same stupid dopey smile on his face. “I love a woman who snorts milk out of her nose.”

“Jeon!” You shriek, smacking his arm as embarrassment washes over you. “You said you would forget about that!”

Jeongguk cackles, all boyish and rough like he does when he’s around Hoseok for too long. Somehow, knowing you’re the cause of that charming laughter has your annoyance fading away, a soft smile crawling onto your features.

“I hate you,” you say instead, looking up and meeting his gaze dead on for the first time that night.

Jeongguk smirks. “Do you now?” He throws back, then takes a step forward. Your shoulder touches the wall when you take a tentative step back. You give a half-assed shrug, entranced by the playfulness that lurks behind his eyes. He gives you an exaggerated pout. “That sucks, because I,” he steps closer again, and this time he’s looking down at you over the bridge of his nose, “really like you.”

“I…” you trail off, too hypnotized by the pink tongue that swipes across his lips as he gazes at you. There is no hesitation on his face.

When you don’t say anything for another moment, Jeongguk ducks down. His nose bumps against yours, his breath warm as it fans across your face. “Y’know, I’d treat you so right,” he suddenly says, and your panties immediately turn into Niagara Falls at the newfound deepness of his voice. You feel lightheaded from his close proximity and promising words. “Could make you feel so good, baby, if you just let me.”

You shiver, nearly jumping out of your skin when a hand snakes its way around your waist, tugging you forward gently. Not overbearingly, because you know the last thing Jeongguk would ever do was want to make you uncomfortable. He pulls you close enough that it ends up being you who steps completely into his embrace. Your trembling hands find their place on his shoulders, and Jeongguk has never looked more content.

“You... only want sex,” you softly accuse, and the only reason your quiet voice doesn’t get lost in the noise is because of how close the two of you are.

Jeongguk bites his lip at your words, and you wonder if part of him is surprised that you’d so openly say such a thing. “Not with you,” he says eventually. “Wanna hold you like this forever, ___. And if that leads to you cumming on my tongue every now and then, well,” he smiles, “all fine by me.”

“Jeon,” you scold, scared that someone might have heard him.

“What?” He grins, pressing impossibly closer. His lip gives the slightest pucker, and you find yourself unconsciously leaning closer, the hand around your waist tightening. “I want you, baby.”

You can’t hide the lovestruck expression on your face as you look between his mouth and his eyes, and you wonder if he’s being honest.

Right as you’re about to throw all your doubts out the window and kiss him, you’re bombarded with the sound of obnoxious air horns from a DJ who obviously knows shit about, well, DJ-ing.

You jump at the sudden sound, bumping your head against the wall behind you. Jeongguk’s eyes widen. “Oh shit, are you okay?” He fusses, all traces of that suave, heartthrob replaced with a fretful Jeon.

“I’m fine,” you say, though you’re not because you’re absolutely dying right now. From the fact you almost gave into Jeongguk but also the embarrassment of hitting your head. “I-I need to find Dahyun,” you announce, and give Jeongguk no time to process that before you’re bolting into the crowded house like you just broke something.

jeon tell me you got home safe jeon please

You pause in the middle of removing your makeup, one eyelash on to symbolize the mess you are right now. Dahyun is humming some tune as she does the same, the both of you clad in your pajamas and fuzzy socks. Carefully, you pick up your phone.

you im home! me and the girls ubered home lol you sorry i didnt get to say goodbye :(

jeon dont worry abt it babe jeon just happy to know ur ok

“You better be texting Jeongguk, since you failed to complete the one job you had tonight,” Dahyun calls and you curse. You whirl around to face her, and she snorts at your one eyelash.

“Be honest,” you say. “If you were the campus crush who could get coochie every time he breathed, would you leave all that for me?”

Dahyun freezes. “Well, not when you’re only wearing one eyelash.” You groan, flopping into your seat uncomfortably. “Babe,” Dahyun sighs, as if sensing the gravity of your dilemma. “You’re hot! Everyone knows this except you.”

“But am I?” You whine. “Am I attractive or do you just feel obligated to say that because you’re my friend, be honest.”

“Oh my god,” she huffs, climbing into her bed, phone in hand. She doesn’t even bother looking your way when she’s all settled in. “You have this weird idea that Jeongguk is some intangible idol, as if you haven’t seen the dude deepthroat an entire bratwurst at the diversity fair. If anything, you’re the dream girl on campus, you stupid bitch.”

“The only true thing I heard is me being a stupid bitch,” you mope, and Dahyun throws a pillow at your face. You take this attack as initiative to finally take off your other lash, finishing your cleansing and moisturizing (for the second time) routine.

“Listen,” she says, setting her phone down to stare you dead in the eye. Her voice is devoid of any emotion. “If it makes you feel better, he wrote JK + __ on our group handout last week.”

You don’t sleep that night.

The last person you’re expecting to see at this secluded cafe on a Saturday morning was Jeon Jeongguk, yet here he was in all his delicious morning glory. By morning glory, you mean the soft, sleepy eyes that stare at you from across the table, voice so deep and husky.

“Why are you here if you just woke up?” You interrogate, settling into the empty seat in front of him. Carefully, you begin pulling things out of your bag, trying your best to not look away too long. This sight was rare, Jeongguk usually being at an energy level of about eighty seven at all times. To see him so tired and sluggish was unheard of.

He gestures over to where Taehyung is in the middle of what looks like a job interview. “Moral support,” Jeongguk informs you. You nod in understanding, before returning your gaze to the sleepy angel in front of you.

He’s ridiculously tired, eyes dropping shut every time you so much as pause for a second. He seems apologetic too, murmuring I’m sorry I’m sorry whenever his eyes flutter shut. Your heart was going haywire at the sight. “Jeon,” you say softly, and get one, soft hum in response. “I think you should go home, Taehyung seems fine.”

He shakes his head. “Needs me,” he murmurs, trying desperately to snap his eyes back open to no avail. Eventually, you make the call, packing your things up way earlier than usual. You haul Jeongguk out of his seat, him sleepily trailing after you as you drag him out of the shop. He sleeps on the short bus ride back to campus, and even almost sleeps on the elevator up to his dorm.

“In we go,” you announce, unlocking his door before nudging him inside. His roommate is nowhere to be found, oddly enough given the early hour. Jeongguk stumbles inside, plopping down on his bed right away. “Sleep.”

He lets out a high pitched whine the moment you turn to leave. “Come cuddle,” he huffs, face pressed against his pillow. His hair’s haloed around him, pout smushed against the cushion as he stares at you.

“You need to sleep,” you point out.

He rolls onto his back, patting the mattress beside him. “Wanna feel you,” he says. Your cheeks flush red. As if realizing the meaning behind his words, sleepy little Jeongguk takes the initiative to push you further. “Pressed against my body,” he drawls, his deep chuckle resonating throughout your body. “C’mon, baby, too scared to be in bed with me?”

You scoff, though your cheeks are warm. “You wouldn’t do anything anyway, you’re half asleep.”

Jeongguk shrugs, lips quirking to the side as he motions to his side again. “So? Can tell you like it slow anyway,” he grunts, before sitting up and shuffling to the edge of the bed and assuming a sitting position. Without warning, he catches your wrist in his hand and tugs you between his spread thighs.

He’s more awake than he’s been all morning, and part of you is happy but the other is anxious. God, was this boy dangerous.

“You’re half asleep, Jeon,” you say, trying to diffuse the sudden sexual tension. Jeongguk smiles up at you.

“Cmon, baby,” he exhales, and one fluid tug has you plopping onto his thigh. You startle at the sudden change, grabbing onto his shoulders for support. All he does is laugh some more, nuzzling his face against your neck as your heart goes into panic mode. “Bet I could get in so deep,” he murmurs, breath tickling your neck and you feel your legs turn to jelly.

“G-Gguk,” you try to warn, but it ends up sounding more like a plea. For what, you’re not entirely sure.

A sudden kiss to the junction of your neck and shoulder has your spirit ascending into another plane. Jeongguk smiles at your pliant body. “Look at you,” he continues, kissing down your neck until your body is physically quivering. “So sensitive. No one ever touched you like this before, doll?”

You shake your head no, and nearly jump out of your own skin when a hand clasps onto the inside of your thigh. “Jeon, we shouldn’t…” you choke out, even though your traitorous hand clamps down on his and pushes it closer to where you need him most.

“We shouldn’t?” He teases, and then cups your sex.

You transcend.

Jeongguk laughs, airy chuckles fanning across your jaw. “Then stop,” he tells you, the both of you watching as your hips unconsciously grind into his palm. Even when you tell yourself you need to stop, your body feels heavenly being touched by him, so you physically can’t.

“I can’t,” you reiterate, and muffle a moan against the side of his face when he presses a finger down on where he knows your clit is hiding. The thin leggings you’d worn did nothing to spare you.

“God, you’re so fucking sexy,” he sighs, watching you work yourself on his hand. He traces his index finger over the seam of your leggings, where your folds meet and you moan again. “You gonna let me finish you off, princess? Gonna let me finger your tight little pussy until you cry? But I bet you’d make the prettiest noises if I licked you down there. Or are you gonna cum in your panties like this?”

All the different ideas he stuffs into your brain are overwhelming, especially when the only thing you really want is to be stuffed with his fingers and cock. “J-Just do it,” you beg.

“Do what?” He plays, watching the way your face contorted with every brush against your mound.

“Whatever you want,” you cry, biting down on your fist to stop any more noises from spilling out.

Jeongguk smiles, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. Such a simple gesture, but it has your stomach somersaulting. God, you needed this. You were practically sobbing for his dick, which was embarrassing in itself, but actually getting dicked down sort of cancelled it out. PEMDAS or whatever. 

Just as his hand creeps to the hem of your leggings, there’s a rattle of the doorknob, and you jump. The cloud of lust that had engulfed you two fades away and you’re suddenly aware of the jingling of a key outside.

“What the fuck,” Jeongguk whisper-shouts, looking absolutely scandalized that his roommate is coming home at this moment of all moments.

“Should I hide?” You whisper back, never having been in such a situation before. Jeongguk looks at you like you’re stupid.

“Just,” he sighs, standing up. He ruffles his hair anxiously. “Just… act natural.”

You sit perfectly still. “Not like a Sim!!”

“Captain Underpants and the Invasion of the Incredibly Naughty Cafeteria Ladies from Outer Space (and the Subsequent Assault of the Equally Evil Lunchroom Zombie Nerds),” you read, gasping for breath by the end of it. Jeongguk beams at you. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Nope,” Jeongguk says, leaning over the counter and watching as you scan his book under his name. “I’ll let you know how it is.”

You roll your eyes, writing down the return date on a piece of paper you stuff inside. “Please do, I’m absolutely dying to read this book.”

You hand the book over to Jeongguk, and try to ignore the way he stares at you for a second too long. Namjoon chooses this exact moment to take his lunch break, sauntering off whistling the the Angry Birds tune.

Right before Jeongguk can jump into an interrogation, the door swings open and Jisoo from your sociology elective saunters in, carrying the same mountain of books you had checked out for her two weeks ago.

“___, hi!” She exclaims right away. She, too, was infected with the same bimbo disease as Jeongguk, the one where they both had no concept of being quiet in a library.

“Hi,” you greet back, immediately standing to take the books from her. “Did you actually read through all of these?” You ask, trying to make polite small talk. You’re not particularly close to her, but it’d be rude to act like you didn’t know her.

She laughs at your comment. “Oh god, no. I just open random pages and reference them for essays,” she admits.

You try to make more small talk with her as you scan through her books, but the girl literally almost hit the material limit, which is fifty books, so you soon become consumed in scanning the barcode, briefly flipping through the book for any damage, and then repeating it all over. You’re not surprised when she drifts away, and you’re mentally cursing Namjoon for going on break now of all times.

It’s about ten minutes later when you’re all done, the computer’s library system going haywire on you, the same way it had when she first checked out all these books. You look away from the screen, standing to face Jisoo, only to find she’s drifted to the other end of the welcome desk, where a certain someone had gone to while you served her.

Oh.

You’re not anticipating the wave of jealousy that hits you watching gorgeous, smart Jisoo talk to Jeongguk. She matches him perfectly, both so beautiful it hurts. It’s when she says something to him that you snap out of it. “When can I come over again?” Soft enough that you wouldn’t have heard if you hadn’t been paying attention.

Jeongguk’s toying with a bookmark stand, but you still see the quirk of his lips on his face when she says that.

All you can do is watch from the sidelines, so close yet somehow miles away as he says something back to her that gets drowned out by the thundering of your heart. You suppose it’s only natural for a guy like Jeongguk to flirt with girls, and he’d never said he only, exclusively wanted you. Really, you shouldn’t be as surprised.

But you are.

You’re surprised and, dare you say it, discouraged by the scene. He’d been so eager to finally win you over the other night, so much so that he made you feel special with every word he uttered and every look he gave you. You’d almost believed in his sincerity, but seeing him so easily converse with Jisoo about whatever past they have, served as a cold reminder that you and Jeongguk believe in two completely different relationship styles.

So you sit back down, gnawing on your lip as you try to do other duties, clicking around uselessly on your computer until eventually, Jisoo wanders back.

“Am I all set?” She smiles, and you can’t even find it in you to dislike her. You plaster on your best customer service smile, nodding and handing her back her library card. She thanks you three times over for the hassle, before waving goodbye to you and Jeongguk.

When the door falls shut behind her, you immediately drop the facade, though Jeongguk doesn’t seem to notice. “Whew. She left a lot of work for you,” he laughs, eyeing the big stack beside you. You don’t even bother responding, as, at that moment, Namjoon returns from his lunch break.

(How convenient! You swear this fucker had a sixth sense for knowing when work was about to become hard.)

“Joon, I’m taking my break now,” you announce, and Namjoon stares at you like a deer in headlights, the last bite of a sandwich raised to his mouth.

“Uh,” he says, 140 IQ and all. He glances behind you at Jeongguk, who also is confused as all hell. “Okay, then.”

“___?” Jeongguk questions. You stalk off, pushing the gate away from the desk before bursting into the employee break room right across from it.

You cry the moment you get home, and Dahyun jumps ten feet out of her bed in shock. Her girlfriend, Momo, is sitting on the floor painting her toes. “Oh no,” she cries, sweet and understanding in all the ways Dahyun wasn’t. “My poor baby, what’s wrong?” She asks, waddling over in the my-nail-polish-hasn’t-dried-yet way to hug you.

“He was flirting with another girl,” you sob, dropping your bag by the door as Momo continues fawning over you, wiping your face with tissues. Dahyun gets out of bed, cracks her fingers, and promptly announces:

“I’m gonna kill him.”

Initially, you would have let her. But after a while you manage to calm down, loud Kim Kardashian sobs fading into tiny hiccups as the two of them coddle you. You tell them all about what terrible, good for nothing Jeongguk did, and in true female solidarity, they vow to kick his ass for you. Eventually, you settle on not whooping his ass, just cutting any romantic notions with him off to avoid further heartbreak. After all, you were kinda friends before you had your little crush revelation.

It’s later in the night when you announce you maybe got 2% over him, which the girls count as an absolute win, but then Jeongguk texts you and they groan at the way you jump for your phone.

jeon hey can we talk ? jeon did I do something wrong today? jeon felt like u were mad at me lol, and then u took a really long break and I had to leave for class so I didn’t even get to see u again jeon just wanna know if everything is ok

You read through the messages a couple times, and wonder if he’s being serious and didn’t see anything sus with his actions, or if he’s just toying with your emotions. Momo tugs Dahyun away to give you some sort of privacy, and then you’re left alone in your thoughts.

you everything’s fine ! you I just wasn’t feeling well lol

He responds right away.

jeon please don’t lie to me ___ jeon I know what you’re probably thinking and I just want to say it’s not like that

For some reason, him saying he knows you enough to know your thoughts irritates you. He obviously didn’t know shit about you if he was out here making you look like a clown. Your fingers type before you can even think.

you lmao you thats funny

jeon ?

you you most def do not know what I’m thinking so please just take my word when I say I felt sick

jeon lmao. what do you mean...

you you barely know ME besides the fact I work @ the library and dorm w Dahyun. don't say u know what I’m thinking, bc that would imply you know me on a closer level which you don’t

jeon ok seriously what's up with you?  jeon im trying to make sure ur okay but ur just being difficult as fuck

you I’m not being difficult I’m just being real

jeon ur not tho, ur being defensive for no reason at all

you so? we’re barely friends and we barely know each other, how I feel is none of ur business

jeon lmfaoooo, so now we’re barely friends?

you thats what I said didnt I

You set your phone aside when you don’t immediately see the texting dots appear, assuming your dry response is probably enough to ward Jeongguk off. Your face feels warm, and you’re not sure if it’s from frustration or anger, but you guess it’s both. You’re not sure what set you off, the fact Jeongguk wants to act like he knows you, as if he wasn’t just chasing after you for some pussy, or the fact he wanted to act like some all-knowing being when it came to your feelings.

Eitherway, you’re extremely heated, grinding your teeth together when five minutes pass and he hasn’t texted you back. As if sensing the tension, Momo and Dahyun abruptly announce that they’re going to the ice cream place down the street, offering to bring something back to which you decline.

They leave, the heavy door slamming shut behind them. You get exactly two seconds of peace and quiet before your phone starts going off like crazy, all from Jeongguk.

jeon you’re starting to piss me off jeon drop the attitude baby. jeon bc I can be just as mean as u jeon and I won’t hesitate to make you cry

You blink. Every ounce of your body that had been consumed with an unknown anger slowly fades away as you stare wide eyed at Jeongguk’s messages. This was nothing like the Jeongguk you knew; he was soft and playful. He never raised his voice at you, and he’d never been anything less than a sweetheart.

you I don’t have an attitude

Is your feeble reply, too scared to reply to any other part of his message because you truly had no experience with this Jeongguk.

jeon so then put your big girl pants on and tell me what’s wrong jeon enough w this other shit

You sigh, snuggling into your covers as you absentmindedly tap the back of your phone.

you nothing is wrong

He doesn’t reply for a couple minutes again, but Dahyun sends you a text letting you know her and Momo decided to go to an event on the other side of campus, and telling you not to wait up. You reply back a simple ok right as Jeongguk responds.

jeon ok. so let me tell you what’s wrong then jeon you’re mad bc I was speaking to Jisoo today and she asked abt coming over jeon she comes over all the time jeon bc she is my roommates girlfriend

Your mind goes blank.

How embarrassing to have your mind read word for word, even more so when apparently, your worries weren’t even plausible. God. Instantly you feel stupid, replaying today’s entire scene and trying desperately to find something to catch Jeongguk in a lie. But other than asking that one question, there had been no other interesting talk between the two.

Your phone pings again, and you scramble to type a response, only to freeze at the words on the screen

jeon what blows me is that i don’t even owe u shit especially not an explanation jeon u don’t give 2 flying fucks about me. U just like the attention I give u and watching me make a fool of myself for u jeon I bend over backwards chasing after you, trying to get you to notice me, but you’ve done nothing to show me u feel the same jeon but you’re the one allowed to get mad when I speak to other girls? like u said “ that’s funny ”

Oh, no. Immediately your heart comes crashing down, and your fingers tremble as you watch Jeongguk slip away right before your eyes.

you Jeongguk you it’s not like that please you I like you so much, it’s just hard for me to

jeon to what? Get over your stupid stereotype of me?? jeon lmfao. Yeah that must be sooo hard jeon it’s whatever tho bc I had one of u too jeon my dream girl

This is not what you expected when he said he’d make you cry.

“Honey, you just have to talk to him,” Momo says the next morning, pressing a cucumber slice onto your eyes. You flinch at the initial iciness, but then relax when she brushes your hair out of your face. You’d gone to sleep a wreck, crying and sobbing as you thought desperately on how to win Jeongguk back, but everything he had said was true.

You’d done nothing but reject him since the beginning, had only just begun treating him as a friend, yet you instantly placed the blame on him at the first signs of trouble. God, he was right. You’d been selfish this entire time, and now he wasn’t responding to your messages anymore.

Dahyun nods from her cocoon at the foot of your bed. “I’m sure it’ll be easier in person, text convos are always weird,” she tries to comfort you. “But keep those slices on, those bags under your eyes are no joke.”

Momo smacks her calf. “Be nice! She’s going through a crisis.”

Right as you’re about to pay for your meal and sprint back to hide in your dorm, you spot a coconut head of hair facing the windows in the far corner of the dining hall. Fuck. Faintly, you can hear Dahyun’s voice shouting for you to stop being a pussy and go talk to him. You pause by the exit, one leg in one leg out, before saying fuck it. If worse comes to worse, you transfer schools and live with heartbreak and three cats for the rest of your life.

“I-Is someone sitting here?” You say before you can chicken out, and mentally curse yourself for stuttering. Oh, the social horror.

Jeongguk visibly jumps at your voice, wide doe eyes staring at you as if he expected to never see you again. After all, it’s been a week since your little fight, three days since you last tried texting him. He shakes his head, turning his attention back to his plate, but not before tugging the hoodie of his sweater over his head in a classic self defensive tactic.

You slide into the seat, staring at the plate of food like you’ve never seen it in your life, never mind the fact you picked it out less than fifteen minutes ago. You accidentally scrape your fork against the bottom, and the both of you cringe.

Jeongguk clears his throat, hands clasped together between his thighs as he stares out the window. “Don’t you have work?” He asks, voice raspy.

You shake your head. “I took the week off,” you confess, hoping he doesn’t press for more, because then you’d have to tell him your reasoning was due to heartache.

“Oh. That’s nice,” he says, and then you fall into a pit of awkward silence.

You push the food around on your plate, hoping he’ll say something, anything to save the two of you. In the end, he stays silent, sleepily glancing out the windows.

When you look closer, though, Jeongguk doesn’t look much hot than you. He’s got the same bags as you under his eyes, and his hair looks messier than his usual messy style. The fact he’s wearing his blue crocs out in public only confirms your theory.

After a solid five minutes of silence, even your hungry stomach managing to stay quiet, you decide enough is enough.

You shift ever so slightly, until you’re somewhat facing him and clear your throat; Jeongguk barely spares you a glance. “The Preposterous Plight of the Purple Potty People,” you blurt. Jeongguk blinks, face slowly morphing into one of confusion. Your cheeks feel hot under his gaze, having missed his brown eyes in the past week. “It’s your favorite one,” you announce. “Of the Captain Underpants books.”

After a moment, Jeongguk snorts, turning his attention away from you. “You’re not gonna win me over with that,” he says curtly, and your heart tightens at his emotionless tone of voice.

But you’ve done your research, and you’re not letting it go to waste. “You like George more than Harold because you think he contributes more. You love the characterization of Mr. Krupp the most, but you hate his theme song. You think the cover art could use some work, but you enjoy the overall art style. You hated the movie adaptation because Kevin Hart was in it,” you list, recalling every bit of information you’ve ever heard Jeongguk share about the stupid novels.

There’s a small quirk in the corner of Jeongguk’s lips, but it’s not the one you’re aiming for, so you switch tactics. “You hate the smell of bananas because you don’t think it should have a smell. You can’t put your left sock on first, because it’s bad luck to you. Your mom still washes your sheets for you. You know the lyrics to the original Dragon Ball series in three languages. You like wearing rings because it makes you feel like a pimp. You hate when Hoseok calls you the baby, because, according to you, you bench press his weight times two.”

“And a half,” he softly corrects, gazing at his hands, cheeks slightly tinged with red. You bite your lip, tentatively reaching a hand out to place on his arm. He looks at you right away, doe eyes so vulnerable and scared, like nothing you’ve ever seen before.

“I said we barely knew each other, but that was a lie,” you chuckle humorlessly, suddenly feeling your eyes tear up just remembering the conversation. “I know so much about you because I love listening to you talk. I love hearing your voice, and watching you wrestle with your friends, and fight with Dahyun. But I never tell you,” you bite your lip, blinking your eyes to backtrack the tears.

“And you’re right, I made you do all the work and I’m sorry, but I’m just so scared, Jeongguk,” you admit, voice cracking on his name. Your press a hand over your mouth, trying to collect yourself. Suddenly, a soft hand gently pats your thigh, and you find yourself reaching down to tangle your fingers together. “You can have anyone, Jeongguk, and you obviously know this,” you sigh. “I’m scared that I won’t be enough for you.”

“Hey, it’s alright,” Jeongguk says, voice soft in the way you’ve missed so much. His hand, shaky and unsure, reaches up to brush a tear from the corner of your eye. “Look at me,” he commands, and you do. “I think we’re both stupid, because I feel like I’ve never been enough for you,” he confesses with a chuckle you try to replicate through sniffles.

Suddenly, he’s close, forehead pressed to yours. “And maybe it’s true,” he says. “You won’t be enough for me, and I’ve never been enough for you.” Your heart aches at his words. “But that’s okay,” he assures, squeezing your thigh between his fingers. “We don't have to be right now, but we can try.”

You nod, clamping down a sob. “God, I hate how optimistic you are,” you laugh, and he smiles, cupping your face in his hands.

“And I hate watching you cry,” he says, fingers wiping your cheeks. Before you can say what you’re thinking, he’s snatching the words right out of you, “yes, I know I said what I said, and I felt like such a dick typing it, I made Jimin flick my forehead right after.”

You giggle, and he beams that dreamy smile at you again. “I’m gonna kiss you now,” he announces, and your heart thunders in your chest faster than the wings of a hummingbird.

And he does.

“I don’t know, I think Kevin Hart sounds great in this,” you mention, and you feel the hard scoff Jeongguk lets out from your position cradled on his chest. “It’s not the worst thing in the world,” you defend.

“You’re sick,” he says, then pauses the Captain Underpants movie to engage in your third debate of the evening. You’re barely fifteen minutes in. “You think that weirdo did George justice? How? In what world?”

“Babe, it’s just a voice actor,” you placate. “No one died because Mr. Hart voiced him.”

Jeongguk splutters. “Mr. Hart—you don’t know this man! And something did die! My hopes for a sequel!”

You shush him, pressing your index finger to his lips. “Enough complaints, Rotten Tomatoes. We won’t even finish at this rate.”

Jeongguk hits play, grumbling under his breath.

Just as you’d predicted, you don’t even make it to the halfway mark before Jeongguk’s got you on your back, plush lips working yours until they’re bruised, tongue halfway down your throat. “The mov—“ you mumble.

“Fuck Mr. Hart,” Jeongguk says, kissing down your jaw like he can’t allow himself to miss a single spot. When he reaches the collar of your shirt, he wastes no time tugging it off of you. You whine, instinctively covering your chest. “Don’t be shy,” he chuckles, “here, look-,” he tugs his sweatshirt over his head, and you’re met with the strong muscles of his abdomen and pecs, “-twins.”

You roll your eyes. “Just kiss me, Mr. Jeon,” you tease, wrapping your hands around him to bring him closer. He chokes, and mumbles something about saving that for another time.

Before you know it, he’s kissing between your thighs, soft lips producing the most erotic sounds with every smooch he gives. “Can I take these off?” he asks, one lone finger creeping beneath the hem of your panties, right where your hip is. You nod, biting your lower lip hard the moment he begins sliding them down. His hands are soft as they glide over your legs, and when he finally tugs them away from your ankles, he wastes no time nudging your legs open for him.

“Don’t just look at it,” you whine, jabbing his ribs with your foot. Jeongguk grins.

“Sorry I stare, you’re just so pretty,” he smiles, and you muffle an annoyed groan into your palms. “Gonna eat you out now,” he announces, finally, and you uncover your face to watch the way he lowers his mouth onto your throbbing pussy, pink tongue coming out to lick at your clit.

The first press of the wet muscle has your toes curling, back arched. You’d been craving this for the longest, and just as you’d expect, it’s better than any fantasy. “Right there,” you moan, reaching down to tangle a hand in Jeongguk’s wavy hair, the other fisting the pillow beneath your head.

Jeongguk absorbs all your tiny reactions, toying with your clit just how you like it. He rolls his tongue around it, making sure every part has been in his mouth at least once. When he suctions his lips around it and moans like this was getting him off, your body melts. “Fuck,” you cry out, your thighs quivering around his head. Part of you wants to slam them shut, hide from his tongue and all its devious ministrations. But the other part has never felt so good in your entire life.

When Jeongguk decides he’s pampered your swollen clit enough, he gives it one final kiss, wet and slippery. “Good?” He smiles up at you, lips slick with your juices. You nod, probably already looking fucked out. He smirks at your response, and your heart backflips in your chest, when he reaches up to knot your fingers together.

He kisses your knuckle and you whine. “How many fingers do you want?” He asks, and you blurt out the first number you can think of.

“Eight,” you choke, and immediately flush in embarrassment afterwards.

Jeongguk laughs, dropping his head to your thigh in a fit of giggles. He looks absolutely ethereal there, soft brown hair sprawled across your skin like an angel. “Smaller numbers, baby, please,” he chuckles. You shrug, so he decides for you. “How about I just use my tongue instead?” You think you might love him.

He settles back down, lips pressing against your mound one final time, before he’s diving in. You mewl right away, body becoming one with the mattress beneath you at the first brush of his tongue.

“Oh, Jeongguk,” you gasp, hands burying themselves in his scalp again. He hums in response, and the sound has every nerve in your body lighting up. His tongue prods against your folds, slowly licking his way deeper and deeper into your cunt.

The worst comes when he sighs against your pussy, literally sighs, like he’s so blessed to be there. “You’re s-so good at this,” you cry out, trembling fingers twisting his hair so tightly that you manage to pull him off just an inch. He pinches your thigh in warning, before stuffing his tongue into you again, absolutely plunging into the depths of your hole.

Just when you think he couldn’t possibly outdo this, he jolts up suddenly, nose brushing against your clit. His eyes go wide for the slightest second, as if he really hadn’t planned that, before flickering at you.

To your utter embarrassment, he takes one long whiff, eyes rolling to the back of his head in pleasure.

He pulls away from your dripping hole. “You smell so fucking good,” he informs you, spreading a fiery blush across your cheeks.

“Thanks?” You say, and he grins, shuffling onto his knees all of a sudden. You mope the loss of his tongue on your pussy, but forget about it the second he reaches for his desk and returns with a condom.

He tears the foil packet open with gentle hands, eyes weirdly zeroed in on that only. You nudge his hip, and when he meets your gaze, he instantly averts it. Like he’s suddenly shy.

Oh he was gonna be the death of you.

You tug his boxers down and get to revel in more of those bashful glances, but you soon forget about that when he grips his rock hard member in one hand, jacking it to its full potential. “Ready?” He says, one hand gripping your hip, the other his cock. You nod, and then shift up onto your elbows to watch him sink into you.

You can barely keep your eyes open, the second the tip of his cock brushes against you your eyes roll back into your head. You moan, letting yourself flop back against the mattress, chest heaving with each inch he sinks in. “Fuck, you’re big,” you cry, biting down on your fist.

Jeongguk chuckles. “Yeah?” He grunts, and then stills as he waits for you to catch your breath. He gives you exactly four seconds before he’s thrusting the remainder of the way in.

Your back arches off the bed, a high-pitched moan ripping itself out of your throat. “Jeon!”

“Relax, relax,” he croons, releasing your hip to lean over you, peppering your face in kisses. You’re heaving for air, so overwhelmed with emotions. “You’re doing so good for me, doll,” he comforts, kissing every inch of you until you regain your wits. “So wet and warm for me, you have no idea how bad I wanna just ram my cock into your tight, little pussy.”

You huff, heart still skipping by the time you grow familiar with the sheer size of his dick inside of you. When you’ve finally come back down to earth, eyes fluttering at Jeongguk, he gives you one affirmative nod before he begins really fucking you.

He starts carefully, like he’s afraid he’ll break you with one push. You’re thankful that he’s at least somewhat aware of his own bear strength, but you’d prefer if he picked up the pace. Before you can file a complaint, he’s hiking your thigh up onto the crease of his elbow, and ramming himself into you.

“Could already hear some smart ass comment coming,” he groans, snapping his hips into you with a newfound intensity. You moan, trying desperately to reciprocate some movements back.

“Wasn’t gonna say anything,” you gasp, fingernails digging into the skin of his shoulders, scratching lone lines down his back. Jeongguk snorts, pushing in, and then grinding your pelvises together deliciously.

He rolls his eyes, then chooses that exact moment to capture your lips in his. You groan softly, body boneless beneath him at the gentle way he kisses you, like his entire life depends on this single kiss.

When he finally releases your lips, he’s huffing against your mouth, hips having not stopped a single time. You know he’s tired and so riled up; you’d felt the brush of his half-hard member from the moment you first laid down to watch the movie.

But Jeongguk was a gentleman, through and through. You’d felt the brush of his cock, and heard the thundering of his heart, but he hadn’t pushed you further a single time. He basked in your presence, waiting until you crept your hand beneath his shirt to finally pounce.

“I’m close,” you tell him, reaching down to toy with your clit. Jeongguk had treated it like the finest treasure earlier, but now your gentle caresses feel mediocre compared to the way he’d touched it. Jeongguk nods, the tips of his wavy hair sticking to his forehead and the back of his neck. You abandon your quest to finish yourself off and focus on brushing his hair away from his face. “You’re so good to me,” you moan, lightly picking the corner of his mouth. “Don’t deserve you.”

He rams his cock into you, the arm not holding up your thigh weakening, until he’s leaning on his forearm over you. “Don’t say that,” he chokes out, and you wonder if his orgasm is as close as yours.

A particular brush of his cock against your cervix has you seeing stars, thighs clenching around him. “Just a little bit—more,” you beg, body writhing beneath him, pushing yourself up to meet his thrusts.

“So perfect,” he praises, kissing along your jaw. “Come for me, baby.”

You nod, but not before cupping his face in your hands, and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. He makes a soft little sound of surprise, smile pressed against your mouth, and the heat in your abdomen finally explodes. You disassociate for all of one second, consumed in a wave of bliss never before heard of, his pistoning thrusts working you through it.

You nearly cry from how good it feels, throwing an arm around his neck to pull him closer. You’re babbling like an idiot, saying shit you won’t remember later. What you do recall is the chuckles Jeongguk had muffled against your neck, hips never faltering as he chased his own high.

He finds it a few beats later, the muscles of his back suddenly going rigid. He moans your name, somehow making it sound like it’s the best song in the world, before his hips begin stuttering in their mission. He eventually goes slack, slumped over you without completely crushing you beneath the weight of his muscles.

By the time you’ve fully recovered, he’s sliding out of you. Right as you go to speak, he stuffs two fingers into your sensitive cunt. “Jeon!” You wail, reaching down to push him away before you come again.

He snickers. “What? It’d be a waste to let it out,” he says, letting go when he’s decided he’s done his job, popping the digits into his mouth. You groan, trying to quell the excitement that builds in your chest from watching him suck your cum off his fingers.

“You’re the worst,” you sigh, snatching his t-shirt off the edge of the bed to tug over your bare form. Jeongguk tugs his underwear back on, retrieving yours from where he’d flung them across the room. When you’re settled into the blankets again, you’re not expecting the laptop to return as well. You raise a questioning eyebrow.

Jeongguk shrugs, nestling into your chest. “Hit play, this is when Professor Poopy Pants begins attacking the city.”

[lilyharvord]

You should see this

Alright, I need everyone to see this and understand what happened here. 

First of all, thank you to the dozens of people who sent me messages and asks to alert me to what was happening. Can’t tell you all how confused I was to walk out of my lab for a five minute break and see 40 messages and 10 asks notifications, but it was... so nice to see how many people were trying to help me out. 🥲 A lot of times, I feel very alone when I post, which is to say that I sort of feels like throwing a story out into the void and hope someone catches it, reads it, and loves it as much as I do. So to see so many people, even people I’ve never heard from before messaging me and trying to help told me that I am not throwing to the void, but I am throwing to a very large net that will always catch my stories. You guys really are awesome and I appreciate all of you so, so much .(((: 

Second of all, to address the elephant in the room, I have seen the apology. I have replied to it and I do accept this person apology for what they did. It, in no way shape or form, excuses what they did though. 

In essence, or what I get from the apology, they dont have a tumblr account and could not read the fic? I’m still a little confused on this, but they pretty much copied and pasted the story to Ao3 so they could read it. Now normally, I would say that I understand that they just wanted to read the story, what's the harm in that? Well, the harm is that it is not their story to post somewhere, and doing this was still stealing. Ao3 is a PUBLIC platform with lots and lots of failsafes to PROTECT writers (please see the whole Anne Rice debacle from like 20 years ago) and many of those failsafes are present while posting the story. You dont just have to post it to a series tag like with Fanfiction.net, you have to tag it in numerous ways, and do a number of other things to post a story. There is a lot that goes into it before you hit “post”. And there is an unspoken understanding on Ao3 that the story is YOURS once it goes up there because you have to do all of the work to make sure it was YOURS when you posted it. So, while this apology is nice, this person still had to copy and paste MULTIPLE chapters to a separate document, paste that document into the formatting box on Ao3, and then tag it and post it to Ao3. That is a lot of steps to go through before saying okay this is an okay thing to do without the writer being aware that I am doing it. And besides, two days on Ao3 is a LONG TIME for a story to be up. In an hour when I very first post a chapter can I get over 200 hits on that. My story was only up on this person account for maybe two hours? And it already had 24 hits and 2 kudos, which goes to show how Ao3 works. 

Now, I have no control over whether you all copy and paste my shit to separate word or notes app documents and read from there. I completely understand doing it too because Tumblr can be a piece of shit platform sometimes that does not work. I only ask that you come back at some point and leave a little love on the story. Im sure you’ve all read this next phrase so many times you’re sick of seeing it, but we are not paid to write these stories. I do not get anything out of this other than sharing my interpretation of the characters with the world and you guys who love them as much as me. But once it’s out there I rely on readers to protect the integrity of my work, which means not posting it to other sites under your name and not tagging me etc. I’m not on all platforms because that can be exhausting to manage, but I’m getting better at it.

I suppose the sad thing about this whole situation is that I am in the process of posting The Chain to Ao3 because I’ve gotten a few requests to do so, and I see that it’s decently popular on here and there are far more people that follow RQ on Ao3. So this person really only had to wait a few more days and the story would have been up there for them to read. Now, I’m not sure if I will post it there at all, since it seems awkward to do so if someone else posted it there and this got removed and there is all this drama surrounding it? It’s complicated now, so they have jeopardized this story’s chance on Ao3 for other people too. 

And while I am not furious with this person anymore about this, I am a little peeved that they still went ahead in a public forum and posted the story as their own. So in summary, do not, under any circumstance, post someone’s work somewhere. This goes for stories, art, edits, gifs, ETC. Just dont do it. 

[fondnesses]

roscoe’s notebook post

A while back I said I was going to write a post about the way I use notebooks for writing projects. This is the first of several posts about Writing Process I’ve been tossing around in my drafts for a little while as a result of conversations with friends, so bear with me.

I. Love. Notebooks. I genuinely would have to deeply overhaul my whole Process of writing anything on the longer side if I were to go paperless; I find physical paper pretty invaluable when I’m outlining, brainstorming, and researching, and I still probably write ¼-⅓ of all my actual content on paper first. (That proportion used to be a lot higher, but I’ve gotten better at being productive on a computer in recent years, which is great.) I’m a very visual person, so notebooks really help me visualize my ideas, story structure, etc. It’s very helpful to be able to use arrows and diagrams and physically strike things through, and the tactility is really soothing to me. If I show people my notebooks or talk about them, I often get a response like “this is so organized”, which is sort of true, but I have to stress that it’s “organization for a disorganized mind”; I can’t misplace ideas or notes if it all goes into the same physical object, vs. electronic notes, which are much more, like “Did I say that in a voice memo? PM it to myself on Discord? Leave it in a desktop sticky note? Write it directly into the Google Doc? Who knows! It’s lost to time!”. It’s very much an ADHD management strategy.

It helps that I’m a very neophyte stationery hobbyist and appreciate any excuse I have to use my pens, but I also will go off at any opportunity about how helpful I find them for writing projects, which is why I decided to just make a post about it. Right now I mostly use them for (fan and original) fiction projects, but I used a notebook for a very similar purpose when I was working on my undergrad thesis, and I have a slightly different but equally necessary-to-me approach to notebooks I use at work.

My typical structure for a notebook that’s devoted to one project only looks like this:

I always leave the first couple pages blank so I can go back and retroactively index bujo-style. I don’t always actually do the index, because sometimes I get too lazy, but I like having those blank pages there to give me the option. I also usually put epigraphs/inspo quotes on the first page.

After that, there’s often (but not always, I’ll talk about it) a couple pages at the start where I’m frantically jotting down loose brainstorming ideas before they've coagulated into a story structure. Just, like, vomiting into the void.

Stemming out of that, I usually write out about like 5-10 pages of outline-style notes in chronological order, laying out all the main story beats and charting out the story trajectory. This will inevitably get revised and rewritten many times, but I find the process of writing these wide-angle synopses really useful for dislodging ideas, making connections re: thematic threads, etc. from my brain.

I’ll devote a couple pages after that to specific things like "sex scene brainstorming", "random scene ideas/minor details that don't have a clear place in the outline right now but I'll turn to for inspo later" [this is what I refer to as “bits” in one of the later photos], "page where I just outline the Motifs And Themes", "research notes", "to-do list", "stuff to check on a second pass", "things to put in the a/n and AO3 tags", etc.--the specifics vary with the story.

Then, I skip ahead to approx. halfway through the notebook and cordon off the rest of the pages to be “free writing” space, AKA writing of actual content rather than planning, with the expectation there will be no internal organization and I’ll transcribe to laptop as I go. Writing on paper feels less binding than typing something on a computer; it’s like a little secret kept with myself, and it doesn’t need to go anywhere or be seen by anyone if I decide I don’t like it. Setting aside pages in the back half of the notebook means that, as more things come up re: planning, I can go back and add those in the rest of the pages that were intentionally left blank. This is how I avoid (for the most part) having the whole thing be a jumbled mess where there’s no separation between the notes and the actual story writing; I learned this the hard way via the first notebook I’ll show you in a second. I’ve recently gotten really into using Muji sticky note tabs to label any pages/sections of particular import that don't want to have to refer back to in the index and would rather just flip to instantly.

I do use notebooks that aren’t specific to any one project, but those are much less organized and less worth sharing.

Before I look at more recent stuff, here are some selections from my notebook for the project that got me into writing longfic, my Golden Kamuy canon divergence AU (with apologies for the bad photos, my phone’s camera is trash). I worked on this from Sept 2018-July 2019. It was a learning experience in a lot of ways, and notebook utilization was one of those. I’ve always used notebooks for keeping track of writing projects, as I said earlier, but before this it was largely without much organization or structure; just total chaos. Having a physical notebook became really important for this project because it was a sprawling multichapter story with rotating POVs and a lot of historical research. I also learned a lot about what not to do with a notebook, personally, or at least things that don’t work so well (for me). This was a college ruled spiral-bound Decomposition Book, for the record.

By the time I bought a notebook for it I already had a (very basic) plot outline in mind, so I wasn’t doing that very initial ground-zero brainstorming in here; I was copying out of my phone’s notes app, basically, and then going from there. 

This is one of the first pages in this notebook; I wanted to visualize the relationship web between the four central characters in the story in terms of how they feel about one another. The two colours correspond to the POV characters (Sugimoto in orange, Ogata in pink), and I used this colour-coding throughout the notebook with highlighters, etc. to keep track of information that was more relevant to one character than the other. Tsurumi and Yuusaku aren’t POV characters, but they’re prominent in the story and their presence impacts the central relationship between Sugimoto and Ogata, and it was helpful to me to map out the emotional ecosystem, as it were.

(There are coffee stains all over this, because I wrote the vast majority of the story in coffee shops because I didn’t want to be around my roommates, lol. This is part of why I never do fiction writing in notebooks that are too nice, I get neurotic about needing to keep them tidy. I can’t use ones that are too shit though, either, so it’s a bit of a narrow window. I’ll talk more about brands and paper quality etc. later.)

As you can see, this is the first page of many I set aside specifically for jotting down different pieces of historical information relevant to my story. It’s about fictional characters who are members of an army division that existed in real life, and both the canon and my fic involve a high level of attention to detail with regards to which divisions were present for which battles, etc., as well as general historical details specific to the Russo-Japanese War setting--what did people eat in the trenches? What did they do to fill time? How did they get through the winter? What did third party observers have to say about the conditions? What were the specs of their weaponry (particularly important because one of the POV characters is a sniper and gun nut)? I did a lot of reading (and watching of antique gun collector Youtube videos... the things I do for love, eh), and it came in handy so many times, because it turns out it’s much easier to write trench warfare slice of life if you have factual details to pull from when you don’t know what to do with a scene! Imagine that!

This is the first of three “grid outlines” I made; this is a way I sometimes like to visualize a story outline all on one page, with the columns representing chapters and the squares within the columns representing sections/scenes within the chapters. As you can see, early on I was hoping to get this done in five or even FOUR chapters (whatmakesyouhaha.mp3), with POV switches happening internally within the chapters. This proved to be unwieldy for many reasons, so I revised the outline:

Here I’d come to terms with the fact this story was going to have a lot more chapters than I’d planned, and I rearranged things so that it would happen in ten, with each chapter belonging to only one POV character. This also needed revising later, and in the end the story looked a bit more like this (though it did in fact end up being twelve chapters, but only because Chapter Ten was like, 12k, and needed to be split in two chunks):

I must have remembered to bring my fineliners to the coffee shop this time, lol, because as you can see it’s properly colour-coded this time. This outline was made when I was already four posted chapters into the fic, which hopefully gives you a sense of the way in which I am sort of a planner and a pantser; I can’t get into a longer project without an outline, but the outline inevitably changes many times throughout writing and I often end up with a finished product that looks pretty different from what I was intending. My creative M.O. as always is Do The Maximum! Amount! Of! Work! Possible!

This is what a “free writing” page looks like, for me. In this notebook I didn’t set aside any specific spaces for free writing so it’s strewn throughout the notebook in a really disorganized way and I was constantly flipping through looking for bits I’d written and forgotten to transcribe, and I decided to be more organized in future as a result of that. If something’s crossed through, that means I transcribed it. As you can see, they’re often small sections, sometimes just a coupled decontextualized sentences. About 3/4 of what I write in a notebook makes it into the story, I’d say; some of it never goes anywhere, and that’s OK. I have less of an issue killing my darlings if they never make it off the paper page.

A very brief, top-down chapter outline, where the goal was not to get too bogged down in details and just to visualize the beats and pin down what they’re trying to accomplish. Chapters for this fic typically ran about 6k, and five or six scenes per chapter was pretty common, so the average scene length was about 1-1.25k words/scene. IDK why I called it storyboarding when I didn’t make drawings. (Margin numbers are to keep track of word count, since I was using a daily word count tracker while writing this.)

This page was, as titled, for keeping track of the various balls in the air when I was about 2/3-3/4 of the way through the story and really feeling the pressure with regards to tying up the various loose ends. This was... a struggle. I hadn’t ever written anything longish (this fic ended up just under 70k) that had an action plot before, let alone a canon divergence scenario where I had to engage with and explain away various canon plot elements so I could maintain the audience’s suspension of disbelief.

Now, I mentioned earlier that I learned various “things not to do” with my notebooks while working on that project. One of those lessons I learned is to be more realistic when assessing how big a project is likely to get, not least because I RAN OUT OF PAGES around the chapter 9-10 mark. In my defense though, that’s because I’d never written anything even half this long! But I know better now, and try not to be in denial. Finishing the notebook early was a way bigger problem than I’d anticipated, and was part of the reason the last few chapters took several grueling months to finish. The issue was that I needed to be able to use a notebook to maintain my workflow--attempting to do it only on a computer was dismal--but it seemed silly to start a notebook of a similar size to the one I’d finished (80pg, approximately B5 dimensions) when there was no way it would need that much space, especially since the reference pages, like the historical notes, didn’t need to be transcribed over. I was also pretty broke at the time and didn’t want to spend money unnecessarily, lol. I tried to get by using a Moleskine Cahier for a month or so because I had one lying around, but it was horrid; it was too small to be used comfortably, it wasn’t spiral-bound so it wouldn’t lay flat, the ghosting is terrible and I hate the way Moleskine paper feels, etc. Eventually I caved and went to Muji and bought a 30ish page A5 with closer to lay-flat binding, and I finished the story in there. I would take a comparative pic for you of the relative notebook sizes and include some of the scene staging diagrams, etc. I put in there, but I can’t find it :(

So I learned that specs really do matter, and it’s okay to be picky if the pickiness is going to make the difference between actually using a notebook or not. Things that are important to me in my notebooks:

Ruling (gotta have ruling, I can suffer through grid but blank or dot is a no-go)

Size (I can’t use anything smaller than at least a medium-large notebook, I find it claustrophobic and get miserly about page space)

Binding (twin ring is my preference because it looks and feels better than a classic spiral but has the same comfort of use with regards to bending the pages back to suit workspace size and laying flat with ease)

Paper quality and colour (I don’t like anything too slippery/smooth or with too much visible ghosting, and I strongly prefer an off-white paper to bleached paper--part of why I don’t use Decomposition Books anymore, the paper is scratchy and it’s too damn bleached!)

Pagecount relative to size of project

Portability (in non-COVID times; anything bigger than a B5 wouldn’t fit in the satchel I used to bring to work at my old job), etc.

But everyone’s taste is different in this respect, and the only way to figure out what works for you is through trial and error, I’m afraid. I also suspect I’m more neurotic and particular about the sensory experience of using a notebook than most people are, but I yam what I yam.

Now to talk about the notebooks for my current projects, where I’ve refined my approach somewhat. I’ve included less photos for these because they’re ongoing WIPs I don’t want to spoil completely, but I’ve tried to include some outline-type stuff to give you an idea.

My big bang fic is in the very ugly twin ring notebook on the right; I got it at a dollar store by my house because I needed something to work in and didn’t want to wait for an online order, but it’s been very serviceable for my needs. The paper isn’t even bad. The bigger notebook (B5) is my Sangcheng fic.

I wanted something with a lot of pages for this, because I knew it was going to be a long story, and for some reason the fact it’s smaller than my usual preference doesn’t bug me (I think it’s an A5?); it just fits this story, somehow. I’m not sure exactly how many sheets are in here but I’d guess about 150.

Because this notebook has upwards of 100 sheets, I made a lot of use of sticky-note tabs to label high-priority pages. The colour coding of these doesn’t mean anything, it was just whichever ones I had at hand at any given moment. These are those tabs from Muji I mentioned, I’m really obsessed with them--the shape makes them so much less obtrusive and more practical than conventional squares/rectangles OR flag shapes, IME.

My big bang story is nonlinear, so, similarly to what I did with colour coding for the two POVs for my GK fic, this story has two main colours corresponding to whether a given section takes place in the “before” or the “after” portions of the timeline, with blue as “after”, yellow as “before”. This is what the most current version of the outline looks like in there:

If you squint, you can see the alphanumeric notes in the top right of each section entry; I gave them each a code like “A3″ or “B5″ corresponding to their position in the story sequence (so, it goes A1, B1, A2, B2, etc., through to B9 and then the epilogue). [Unintentional that this schema overlaps with notebook size labeling and so is kind of confusing in the context of this post.] At first I was just keeping track of the sections via the highlighted titles, but it got confusing because I’d write down “Wedding” or “Yiling” in my notes and then refer to the notes later like “but there are multiple marriages?? and multiple scenes in Yiling??”. Stuff gets struck through with a straight line if it’s been written in a more-or-less complete form and crossed out with a squiggly line if it’s been cut from the outline or made redundant.

As I said earlier, I started out all the initial brainstorming for my Sangcheng fic in its notebook, instead of brainstorming it in someone’s DMs/my notes app/a voice memo/etc. and then transcribing it into the notebook in a somewhat more organized fashion, which is how my stories usually start out. Because of this, the first five-ish pages are basically just stream of consciousness rambling where I was trying to jot down every disconnected thought I had about the story concept. I don’t have photos for that because it’s too spoilerific for later developments in the fic, but I can show you some of the stages the outlines went through, once I was able to corral those initial notes into a story structure:

All the chapters in this fic have their own highlighter colour, so when I started trying to make sense of my initial brainstorm notes I just went through and highlighted stuff in the colour of the chapter it would make the most sense for, and then transcribed things more-or-less in chronological order into the relevant chapter outline. I later ended up rewriting all the chapter outlines AGAIN to refine them and divide them internally by the individual scenes, which makes them a lot more legible and less wall-of-text-y. They look like this now, with about four sheets per chapter:

Because this fic is on the longer side, I have some pages that are just for keeping track of other story elements, like this, where I refer back to whatever the fuck the “themes” are supposed to be whenever I forget what this fic is about:

It’s all about the visionboarding... Anyway, that’s most of what I have to offer, since most of these two notebooks is Forbidden Content.

With regards to brands/supplies, I really like this Kokuyo Campus Wide notebook that I’m writing Sangcheng in, it’s pretty perfect for me. I also like the B5 Muji twin rings, but those only come in 30 sheets, so I wouldn’t use it for anything above a ~20k project. The B5 Maruman Spiral Note 6.5mm ruled/80 sheet is another good one, though I wish it was twin ring instead of spiral. As you can tell, I like Japanese stationery brands because it’s easier to find decent paper quality and minimalist design without shelling out $$ than it is with American/European brands, at least IME. I like Rollbahns too. But honestly, I can usually find pretty serviceable random notebooks that aren’t brand-name from Asian dollar stores; it’s really not something where you need to shell out tons of money.

[anime-lover-forever-1127]

The Sadist’s Nurse {Okita Sougo} - 1.This Is Only The First Chapter And I Can't Think Of A Title. How Am I Gonna Survive The Entire Fanfiction?!  Well Good Thing This Is A Gintama Fanfiction,  So I Can Do This

This Is Only The First Chapter And I Can't Think Of A Title. How Am I Gonna Survive The Entire Fanfiction?!

Well Good Thing This Is A Gintama Fanfiction,

So I Can Do This ^

Disclaimer - (Cause fanfiction is tricky ground and I hope not to offend the creator of the original story and get sued)

I do not own "Gintama", it belongs to its original creator Hideaki Sorachi - or as we may know him, the Gorilla (If you did not get that reference, then I'd like you to stop, and ask yourself - Are You A Real Gintama Fan?) . This is only a fanfiction that I was inspired to write by the original work. Please support the official release. Most of the media - such as the art and illustrations, gifs, video's, etc. used in this fanfiction - are from the web. Thus, most of them aren't mine (because I really, really can't draw) unless mentioned. To fit the story, images are also edited by various apps and websites. So they aren't mine, just edited.

Also if you own a picture or Video that I found online, and you either want your name added, or me to take it down. Please contact me and we can talk it out. P.s. I also ask that you do not copy my work and publish it onto any other website.

If you're gonna use my idea, please ask me (If you ask nicely, I for sure, will agree). If I don't contact you within a week, then just assume I'm giving you the all clear and go for it. Just remember to credit me.

I will be writing out scenes even if my Oc isn't in them. As long as she's mentioned, or influencing the characters in some way. Or maybe because it influences the story. This may seem a bit annoying. But that's just how I write. I like to embed my characters into the story line. Because of this, most of the dialogue/scenes will come from the original work.

I may not get all the references in the story - because I haven't watched all those anime - so sorry if I butchere those those ones. (It goes without saying that I don't own any of those as well)

*****

Warnings: Spoilers for episode 5

Today's Special

Never let your best friends get lonely...

Keep disturbing them

~ Unknown

*****

Akira watched her brother mutter to himself as he spied out the window.

"Okita wake up." Hijita said, balling up Katsura's wanted poster up and hitting the sleeping man on the head with it. The main reason he did that being that he didn't like how at home he looked sleeping on his precious baby sisters lap.

Akira stopped running her hands through the man's soft locks as he got up.

"I'm surprised that you could sleep through that explosion." Hijikata said.

"Explosion?" Sougo questioned. "Did you let the terrorists attack again?" He asked, pulling down his sleeping mask. "What's your problem, Hijikata? You need to apply yourself. Take a page out of Akira's book."

"Me! You're the one who needs to take a page out of her book and stop sleeping on the job." Hijikata shouts, grabbing his sword's hilt. "They can blow up all the Amanto for all I care. I'll let those fishes swim for a bit before I'll reel 'em up… and cut their necks." He drew his sword, pushing his palm against the flat side of the blade. "It'll be a proud moment for the shinsengumi. I'm looking forward to this fight."

"If that's settled. Then let's head back to the base and we can decide what action to take there." Akira suggests.

*****

"Oh? So we finally found them?" Kondo asks.

Hijikata nods, "Yes. Yamazaki is following them right now. It's only a matter of time before we discover their base, Kondo-san."

"Yeah. But it wouldn't be the first time we've thought that. We gotta be careful or they'll slip right through our fingers again." says Akira, as she leans against the door frame.

"That's fine. We'll just have to be careful. Goodwork, Toshi."

"It's too soon to thank me." The vice-chief says, he turns around to look at their boss. "Save it for after we've killed them!"

"That is smart. You know it's just like the saying goes. It's never a good idea to count your chickens before they hatch." Akira nods.

"That's right." Konod agrees, "The Shinsengumi only give credit after distinguished military service. We, the Shinsengumi, belong in battle. " Kondo nods.

Hijikata smirks, "You're the chief. I'm only following orders."

"I'm counting on you, Toshi." Says the older man.

"We'll in that case. I better go check the medical stock and get the room ready." Akira says. "Someone around here, and by that I mean me, has to make sure you idiots don't bleed out and kill yourselves."

*****

Akira watches from the sidelines as a Shinsengumi unit charges forward, her brother and childhood friend at the helm. Leading the attack.

"You're under arrest!" yells Hijikata, kicking the door down. "Come quietly, you terrorist scum!"

"It's the Shinsengumi!"

"Oh no! Run away!"

And other similar shouts were heard from the room.

"Kill them all!" Hijikata shouted, pointing his sword forward.

"Actually Aniki. We should take some of them alive. I highly doubt that this is the entire army." says Akira, coming up to stand beside the two commanding officers.

"She's right you know Hijikata-san." Sougo says, and never one to miss out on an opportunity to annoy the older man, he adds, "I feel bad for Akira-chan. Always having to pick up her oniisan's slack."

"Why you-" Hijikata starts to growl, only to be cut off with a slap to the head.

"Hey. Why did you do that?" He asked, rubbing his head.

"Because well you two are here, bickering like children. The enemy is getting away." Akira answers, her hands on her hips. "Now go, before I decide to hit you with something a lot harder."

"Fine. Let's go Sougo."

*****

Within minutes there were injured Shinsengumi members coming to Akira to get their injuries looked at.

"You can continue to fight." She says to a member of the 2and squad. "Oh, and well you're out there. Can you please try to capture one of the Jouishishi members alive. We could use a bit more intel on their future operations. oK."

"Of course Akira-san." The man nodded, picking his sword up and running off into the battle again.

Seeing no more people, Akira poked her head around the corner to see all the members standing outside a barricaded door.

Seeing that the fight was practically over, she walked over to the group of men.

"This again? Where do they think they're gonna go?" Akira wonders, as one of her fingers tap against her cheek.

"Who knows what's ever going on inside those terrorists' heads." A Shinsengumi member answered.

"Hey, come out. We're really going to fire this time." Sougo shouted at the door. His thumb and pointer finger holds his chin, as his arm rests on the palm of his other hand. "Hijikata-san, our evening soap rerun is going to start soon."

"Did you remember to set our VCR?" Akira asks, raising an eyebrow.

"Geez. I forgot." He answers.

"Great. Note to self. Don't give you that job again." pouts Akira. She then turns around to the men and shouts, "Come on people. Let's wrap this up. We have 45 minutes to get back to the base. So let's finish this up today ladies."

"Dam. I didn't know she could be so mean." One of the newer members mumbles.

"Yeah. I thought she was known for being nice."

"She usually is. But since you two are new here, you don't really know her and you haven't seen anything yet either. Wait till her favorite store is selling strawberry cake. Then you realise how mean she can truly be. She'll tear you the shreds and then sew you back up together again. There are a couple of unwritten rules in the Shinsengumi. Ones that you'll have to learn if you intend to survive here." Another one answers.

Getting sick of the mutters, Hijikata shouted, "You heard the women. Let's get this over with. Prepare to fire!"

Just as the explosive was about to be launched, the barricade broke open from the other side as three people jumped out.

"Wh-what are you doing?! Stop them!" shouted Akira, surprised.

A puffy silver haired man continued to charge forward, holding something round in his hand. "If you want to stop something, then stop this bomb, please!" He said.

"You have a bomb squad, don't you?"

"He's got a bomb." Someone shouted.

As the group of men in black ran away from the trio, Akira simply grabbed the vice-chief and first division captain and pulled them to the side and let the group run right past them.

"Normally i'd say that we should stick around and help them out. But I'm dying to see who killed Gyuki. If we go now, we can make it right before the opening credits finish." Akira smirked.

"Don't we need to stick around?" Toshi asks.

Raising an eyebrow, Akira fires back, "Do you wanna stick around?"

"Hell no" The two men answer in unison.

*****

Legend/translation:

Aniki - Your own older brother, not to be confused with oniisan, which means someone else's older brother.

I also feel like I need to clear up the topic of her hair colour. It's mostly black, but under certain lighting, it looks brown.

I also understand the difference between a doctor and a nurse. And, yes, she really is a doctor. But let's all be honest, 'The Sadist's Nurse' has a much better ring to it then, 'The Sadist's Doctor'. It honestly just rolls off the tongue better.

You can read the other chapters of this story (in order) on Wattpad, Quotev, Fanfiction.Net, Ao3, or Webnovel - Under the username Animeloverforever1127 (Under the same title of course). Or you could shuffle around my tumbler, (I’ll try to keep my tags constant) but I’d go with the first - just seems like a lot less work.

[millennial-star-gazer]

Tantric Flames: Chapter: 9

Tantric Flames

Nalu lovefest 2019 Prompts: Magic, Worship, Reckless , Forbidden and Cravings (All Implied)

Genres: Romance, Humor, New Adult Fanfiction

Pairing:Nalu (Natsu x Lucy)

Rating: M for language, steamy and mature adult sexual content (all consensual) in these and future chapters. Reader Direction is advised.(You've been warned!)

Summary: One look, one smouldering hooded gaze, one word, one fiery kiss, one magnetizing touch was all he needed for her to completely unravel at his mercy alone, succumbing to the sinful temptation of her inhibitions, his love, his feral passion, his raw, insatiable desires, his "Tantric Flames". Originally an Submission for Nalulovefest 2017 (on previous accounts) in which Natsu gives his mate a tantric massage-after much persuasion- she won't soon forget when it turns into so much more. Also previously featured in Nalu lovefest 2018 (on current accounts) , as well as Nalu Week 2017, Nalu Fluff Week and Nalu lovefest 2017 (as stated) with first three chapters on my previous celestialgeekmage accounts . Chapter 7 was also an entry for nalu week 2019 and Chapter 8 for Nalu Lovefest 2019. ( Nalu-centric) (Slight Au).

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Chapter 9: Tempted by A Tantric Touch

A/N: Hey guys, it's your girl Millennial StarGazer! This time I'm returning with another long-awaited installment of Tantric Flames. Once again, a major thanks to and koodos to @bmarvels, @mannyegb, @animezing-fandoms/princess-starry-night, and @allie-and-her-fandoms for helping me edit and further develop this chapter! Now without further ado, here's the story-enjoy!

Disclaimer: I don't own Fairytail which belongs to the one and only Hiro-sensei instead!

(Note: Scroll down pas the keep reading button/ cut for the designated links, legend and actual chapter.  The tagging feature and keep reading button might not show up or fully work on the desktop site but should function just fine on the app and mobile version.

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Read More of Tantric Flames and the rest of my writing on here and other plaftorms.

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1. Tantric Flames

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Chapter: 9          (Next Chapter ) (Coming Soon)

B. Fanfiction (Click Here:) ( or here: https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13114990/1/Tantric-Flames-reupload-from-cosmicdragonwizardaccounts)

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Legend:

Italic: Song Lyrics/Quotes (or flashback dialogue)

Bold: First Person Thoughts

Bolded Italics: Empathized Word(s)

Bolded Italics (Within and Outside Bracket) including for author's side notes also known as (A/N:) within brackets (though none for side-notes in this chapter ).

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"You run your fingers over every part of my body and tease me with your touch".

(Source Unknown)

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Oh God, those love bites. So many love bites that decorated the blonde's creamy skin like jewels; far too numerous to count that always sent a red-hot line fire rippling through her nerves with with every nip, every suck; each every and stroke of Natsu's velvet tongue. Plus, he's usually doing other things at the same time. Racy images of the couple's steamy moments together from the last soak flooded Lucy's mind.

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Flashback

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The celestial mage's back arching of its own accord into Natsu's touch from robust hands cupping her breast; Blazing digits kneading the twin peaks in time with lips sucking along Lucy's pulse with so much skill that she couldn't help the heady moan that escaped her throat.

"Ya feel that, Luce?" Nastu growled in his princess's ear, the dark undercurrent of his territorial voice pulling a tingly shiver from her. "My marks all over that perfect body of yours— and not just the permanent one when you swore your heart to me . All of those are symbols of my essence, my claim, my love. That you belong to me and me alone. My mate and queen, forever and always. And those sounds you're makin'? Hot as hell."

Pretty sure, dude leaves marks on me as his way of announcing to the world I'm off limits as his mate. Explains why he's always quick to leave a fresh one in its place even after I cover them— not that I'm complaining. Plus, it's not only for his benefit but mine. It's great that he knows how much I love receiving hickeys and gets off from it.

Seriously, what more could I ask for?

Not to mention how lovely it always was to unwind with Natsu after each bath. The wizard was often keen in his offer to dry the blonde's damp hair with a towel or fire-magic-powered steam; from her perch on his lap or between his legs. 

Much more relaxing than using a hair dryer if you ask me.

 The dragonslayer would sometimes even hum or sing a familiar tune from days past in that appealing, gravelly baritone of his; would usually lull the already-zen mage into the world of dreams when combined with the sooth dual sensation of fingers combing through her hair, .

"I tell you, I tell you, the dragonborn comes ..."

Anyother guild member who might be eavesdropping, however, would often be quick to lightheartedly goad the blonde mage ( much to her chargin). Natsu no doubt would find this hilarious of course; which would serve for Lucy's cheeks to flush an even deeper shade of crimson than she already was.

"Say Luce, is that a blush I see?" he once crooned, a teasing edge to his words; though the affectionate mirth sparkling in his eyes warmed her heart just a little. "Aw, is my girl a little embarrassed? That's okay though— makes ya all the more adorable and endearing than you already are. You want me to make it all better? Cuz I can! Got plenty of kisses! Come on, you know you want some which I'm more than happy to give. God I love ya' so much, you know that?"

It's amazing really... Lucy ruminated in fond awe. How Natsu can switch between the different roles and sides to him with relative ease. From Romantic and tender to dominant, playful and affectionate; then back again on top of everything else all seemingly at the drop of a hat. All an innate part of his overall nature I guess— essentially what makes up who he is. Some people may find this a bit confusing to keep up with— but I don't. Just makes him all the more complex.

Though those people would also be right when they say that the dude still has a devious streak, she couldn't help but add with wry smirk. Even with me, though never with malicious intent. German suplex, non-stop tickling, dumping me in a tub of freezing cold water during one of our baths— too many pranks to count really. At least he's always quick to follow up with plenty of affection ever since we became an item— can't complain about that."

"You ready to get started Lucy?" Natsu's keen voice broke through Lucy's reverie.

"You know it!" The celestial mage chirped, unable to mask the pure enthusiasm in her voice; earning an amused chuckle from the dragon wizard . "Can't wait. I take it you'll be hoarding me for the rest of the afternoon?"

"Mhmm" Came his content hum in response." That really a bad thing, though?"

"No, definitely not."

"I figured. Why don't we get you up on that massage bed?"

"Sure thing!"

A buzz of anticipation was practically thrumming in Lucy's blood from such tantalizing implications of his words; the stunt Natsu pulled next , though— that was what really shot a thrilling jolt up her spine.

"Let's finish what we started later, yeah?"

The dragonslayer's proposal was punctuated by a light tap on the summoner's ass for good measure,; which resulted in a delighted squeal.

"O-okay!" was said female's response in the form of a breathy giggle.

"Let me get you that towel while I'm at it."

"Sure— thanks."

"My pleasure."

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A Few Minutes Later

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"Ugh...do me a huge favor and burn this towel. Will ya?"

Lucy couldn't help but let out an audible groan along with the heat rising in her cheeks. Good god was the particularly moist spot on the white towel a truly mortifying sight to behold. Basically tell-tale remnants of liquid arousal that had been wiped clean from her legs just moments before.

Mavis only knows what would happen if Levy or Cana noticed during laundry duty.

" Okay... why though?" Natsu questioned, brows drawing together in mild confusion. "As in why do you want me to?"

"Guild Laundry day" came Lucy's automatic reply."That's why."

"Not following ya.' Natsu blinked owlishly in uncomprehension.

"Levy…..and Cana….." Lucy supplied, a finger twirling an errant strand of blonde hair in :a self-conscious display." "I... uh.."

"Still don't know what you mean here, Luce."

"It's their turn to do laundry duty." She attempted to break down what was apparently such an abstract concept into simpler terms; not able to help the aggravation rising in the back of her mind.

"Yeah? So?"

"They'll probably see the moist stain on the towel." Lucy clarified, forcing her voice to remain level.

"I see— don't see the problem though."

"Think about who'll most likely be with them ."

"Gajeel and Laxus but…...ahh—"

Realization dawned on Natsu's face. "I get it now. What you're saying is that they'll probably catch a whiff of your arousal? "

"Well, the lingering remnants of the scent anyway. Seriously though?" he tacked on, lifting a questioning brow."That's what you're worried about?"

"Yeah... I am," Lucy admitted, nerves leaking into her voice. "Aren't you?"

"Not really, no." Natsu gave a shrug of his shoulders—seemingly unfazed.

"Why's that?" Lucy couldn't help but shoot him a puzzled glance. 

"Cuz it'll show everyone how much I rocked your world." Natsu replied, flashing his mate a cheeky grin. " And what's not to love about that?"

"Pervert — of course you'd say that!" Lucy screeched, skin flushing a deep shade of crimson.

"That's me!"

"Ugh, still don't know what to do about the moist spot— those four are never gonna let me live it down."

"You know if you're that worried, I could always use my tongue to clean ya up instead." Natsu drawled with a lazy smirk that set her heart all pit-patter .

"And of course, you'd suggest that," Lucy quipped with a slight roll of her eyes. "Did I mention how much of a horn dragon you are? "

"Yeah, but only for a certain gorgeous blonde of mine and she loves it."

"Oh, she does, huh?" Lucy raised a challenging brow.

"Yep. Don't bother trying to deny it, Luce".

"Ugh fine... you're right. I do. Seriously, you and your colossal ego though."

"Why, thank you! If you're impressed by that, you'd really should see my co—"

The rest of Natsu's words were cut off by Lucy's hand swatting him with a pillow which was met with a snicker.

"Pervert" Lucy deadpanned with another eye roll. "By way, you would've found yourself in the proverbial dog house if you actually meant the other kind of 'fighting earlier."

Only for Natsu's face to instantly fall in response to her statement.

"What?" Natsu objected, gaping at her with wide eyes. " And deprive me of the chance to wake up to your beautiful face each morning for that long?!"

"Yep." Lucy gave a nod by way of reply.

"But why? You know that's not the type of fightin' I met!"

"Well yeah, I know that now. But not earlier when you originally brought up. Just be glad that you didn't bail on our date earlier."

"I didn't though! And never would— honest Luce!" Natsu's voice lifted into a petulant whine.

"Hmm.. Okay, good to know. " Lucy responded, raising her hands to placate him. "Though you'll have to be without me for a few days anyway.

"Wait, seriously?" Natsu faltered , bewildered panic flashing in his eyes. . "Come on! What is it this time?"

"Camping retreat in the woods next week that Cana, Mira, Lisanna, and Erza are organizing— ladies only."

"W-ha?" Natsu continued to sputter, his poor brain no doubt short circuiting by now." But Elfman said that it was open to anyone who's free to go!"

"Really? Lucy mused in thoughtful interest. "That's not what I heard... huh."

"What am I supposed to do without you?"

"How about something fun with the guys? Should be nice, right?"

"Yeah, but so is spending time with you Lucy! It's always more fun when we're together like you said."

"And I don't disagree. Doesn't change anything though. The trip's still happening."

"Didn't say it wasn't but it'd still suck here without you! Natsu moaned, that desperate sense of longing bleeding into his voice. " I'd miss ya' too much! So would our little buddy! Can't we tag along? Maybe Even share an air mattress in a decent-sized tent? I'd gladly help set up and keep you cozy in my arms at night."

"What about Happy?" Lucy questioned, intrigued by his suggestion. His offer does sound really tempting.

"Obviously he'd share the tent with us but would have his own sleeping bag and could hang with Wendy and Carla whenever we wanted alone time. Plus there are all these cool spots I could take you to on nature hikes!."

"Sounds great."

"Course it is! So whaddya say? You onboard?" Natsu wheedled, flashing her what could only be described as the most flawless puppy eyes she'd ever seen.

"Aw that's really tempting and" Lucy gushed, heart contracting at the adorable pout he was throwing in too. Normally I'd say yes"— but it'll have to wait. Thank you though! I'd love to take you up on that offer another day."

"Oh come on— please I wanna go!" Natsu huffed,stamping his foot as if he were a child pitching a fit over being denied a coveted toy- quite an amusing display to say the least.

"Not this time I'm afraid. Sorry, them's the brakes."

"Lucyyyyyyyyy!" Natsu whined again, dragging the syllables of her name with such melodrama that she finally decided to let him off the hook

" Jeez.. enough with the dramatics already. " Lucy yielded with an exasperated groan, You can still come— the trip is for everyone. I was only kidding after all."

Said confession was met with a noise of stunned dimsay from from the pyro.

"Wait... so ya' mean to tell me that this was a joke?! he muttered, voice coming out with a small pinch of disbelief. "You were pulling my leg the entire time?"

"Yep— consider it payback for me making think you were gonna ditch earlier."

"That's why? That's not nice, Luce— not very nice at all." Natsu grumbled, though not with any real heat.

"Oh yeah, what are you gonna do about it?" Lucy baited, a daring lilt to her words.

" Oh —- wouldn't you like to know?" Natsu rumbled, eyes sparking in a such a calculating way that it sent a electrifying chill down Lucy's spine.

"I would— ngh! Nastuuuu!"

The rest of what Lucy was attempting to say Lucy's words were cut off by the lighting- fast sweep of Natsu's velvet tongue up her thighs . Not to mention that electric high-voltage jolt of ecstasy flooding her veins.

"There! that should show ya!" Natsu let out a cackle of glee. " Not to ever play dirty tricks on a dragon I mean. Guess you're not gonna need that towel after all, huh Lucy?"

"My God..."

"Yeah, I know . Just that amazing with my tongue, I guess. Natsu purred, voice laced with am indecorous promise "Plus, hearing ya' scream my name like that just gave me another hard-on that I'd love for you to see .. "

"Jeez … of course it'd would . and no real shocker that you would say something like that."

"Yep- you know me so well, Luce. and it's not like you're complain' anyway. Want me to prove it?"

" Maybe.. But God- you're such a pompous ass, you know that?"

"Yeah but all part of my charm, sweetheart."

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A/N: And that's Chapter 9 folks! My apologies for the delay by the way! I originally wanted to post this much sooner but got hit with writer's block after getting a somewhat stumped on a particular segment of this chapter. I've also been with my other ongoing fanfics, WIPs and responsibilities among other things in my life . That all aside, at least this chapter was finally posted! Now please feel free to do me a solid and let me know what you think by leaving a comment/ review! Stay tuned for Chapter 10 too! Oh and please feel free to check out the rest of my writing which can be found above, on my profiles and in master post if reading this on tumblr. All right, that's pretty much all I have to say for now! Thanks to all my mutuals/friends, readers and followers for their continuous support over the years! (Corresponding links for the master of my writing and profiles can be found above, in the navigation bar of the desktop and bio if reading this on tumblr.) Until next time-take care!