#I am very much Going Through It
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I’ve been saving myself a new chapter of my current favourite fic and a joint to enjoy after I finish writing my art history paper tonight and ugh I am so over this paper I just want to chill
#today was a hard day#had a panic attack this morning and then a therapy session that was quite good but pretty draining#my brain is very much Not in the headspace to finish an important final paper#I am very much Going Through It#but I’m also proud of myself because I’m prioritizing my mental health this semester#which I’m notoriously bad at doing#anyways haha love oversharing in the tags like this is my diary#redshoes-blues#personal#em rambles#it’s fine everything is fine#yeehaw#Lostmyhead by the 1975 is on repeat and I think that says all that is needed about my state of mind lmfao
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sometimes you just need to hear it v some stills below the cut v
#fnaf#five nights at freddy's#fnaf security breach#fnaf daycare attendant#fnaf sun moon#dca fandom#dca x y/n#artists on tumblr#fan art#digital art#animation#gif#watercolour background from unsplash!! (phenomenal free photos website)#it's been a tough one lately!!! ooooh boy#its hard to caption this one because I fundamentally want to stay positive but it's been.. difficult. with everything going on in the world#so I broke this WIP out from a few months ago when i was having a bad episode of my own and was trying to make something to get me thru it#i felt like it was worth finishing and sharing now#If you're someone that needs art to get through scary stuff (i very much am) then we're in this together!#I'm gonna keep making stuff and cherishing this community#and we're gonna get through it all together <3
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the more I play the more I think lucanis basically knows it's illario who betrayed him right from the beginning (he's had a year in the ossuary to think. not that many people knew where he was going. when you ask him 'did Illario know you'd be on that ship' his only answer is the hardest flattest 'yes' you ever heard). so it's not so much about figuring out who the traitor is (because that's ludicrous. we all know. immediately. they didn't really bother to hide it lmao) as about methodically closing off every single avenue of denial lucanis has clung to that whole time with as much or little gentleness as you might prefer until he has no choice but to admit it. because the moment he has to admit it, he'll have to do something -- feel something -- about it. and that's such a catastrophic event in lucanis' inner landscape (he has had TWO people in this whole entire world up until now and will do anything to hold on to them with a heartbreaking child-like desperation, even at and especially through the detriment of his own self) that he'd rather just. not. what if we quite simply. didn't. what if we just stayed here in the emptiness where we can both pretend you didn't hurt me in a way I should never forgive. I have so much practice in that with caterina already it's always worked out great for everyone so far. (press x to fucking doubt but that's trauma logic for you lol)
after everything illario did, so much of the storm of lucanis' emotions around it is 'what the FUCK did you get yourself tangled up in this time and how do I get you out of this mess safely'. what's worse: the fact that your brother murdered you, or that he put himself in horrible danger doing so and thus exposed you to the risk of losing him forever. lucanis' heart certainly has an opinion here and it's fucking unhinged (affectionate)
the themes of dissociation in lucanis' character in general makes me feel nuts. allllll these contradictory messy things he needs to cut off from each other because they can't coexist or be easily reconciled inside him. but all remain stubbornly true separately anyway and will have their due one day. love and resentment. tenderness and fear and rage. terror and longing. love and freedom don't coexist. the burned out golden child anthem is playing in the background. he was always caterina's favourite and he has to keep striving to deserve that dubious honour with every breath he takes and then, presumably, mercifully, some day he will die and be excused and can rest. and until now he's suppressed all the -- natural, healthy, protective! -- negative feelings that threaten the few attachment relationships he actually has, at the cost of ever actually having his needs for connection and safety met and leaving his core self imprisoned and compromised. and spite goes 'what. no. that's dumb fuck that' (*spite voice* I do not understand that and even if I did I would not respect it) and does not allow him to fall back into that, which I think is what saves his life, ultimately. it took being possessed by a demon for lucanis to even contemplate telling anyone he loves 'no' in any way, but hey. whatever gets you there right lol
lucanis is dealing with the freeze response allll the way down baby. and he was even before the ossuary, that just turbo powered it and brought it to a breaking point way before it could happen naturally. but something was going to break eventually no matter what, and I'm just glad that in the end, through the power of friendship and also pure spite, it doesn't have to be him
#I am worried about him all the time. but also: his found family of godslaying maniacs and also the power of love. there are reasons to hope#when there was only one set of footprints in the sand that was the veilguard party holding lucanis in their arms#and going 'excuse you he said no FUCKING pickles!!!' while he's like '🥺should you guys really be -- ' 'YES'#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#lucanis dellamorte#dragon age meta#there's some messiness to his arc but what mary kirby managed to capture here about how this works. is everything to me#he is so exactly for me. I'm sorry for all the people he turned out not to be for. but not for him being for me#the gift of looking at him and hearing 'you're more than what you're going through' and be forced to annoyedly go 'okay#MAYBE that could be also be true for me. maybe.' he's going through it. and also so much more and the funniest person in the world#he's so worth it to still have in the world!!!!#I'm so glad we don't get to 'fix' his relationship with his family and especially caterina actually#that is stuff that would need to happen on a time scale waaay outside of the one in this game#and there's Something very real in having to go 'this is not for me to decide for you. who you love and what you do about it is yours'
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24 hour time loops: not long enough to create or undo anything permanent, crazy-making but often still funny
365 day time loops: the most fucked up shit you could possibly imagine
#the lazarus project#every time I go to rewatch tlp I get stuck on ep 3 because. yeah. but I am pushing through!!!!#much like Janet did one could say (sorry)#disabling reblog because you guys are just independently arriving at ideas for messed up pregnancy scenarios#which is is what this post was originally about - because this post was about the lazarus project and this very thing just not as outright#and it's great to see people get so creative coming up with this stuff independently but also it's just unoriginal and therefore annoying#to me as the person whose notes are being flooded. love and light ❤️
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@enderfore replied to your post “What do you think of Rook's savanaclaw card? <333”:
Chenya pic where???? I can barely see anything in that room there so much going on, rooks such a lil freak (affectionatr)
he's under the row of flags on Neige's side of the room, next to the big Neige poster with the yellow background (look just to the right of the hand holding the apple)! he's REAL little; once you know he's there you can kind of see him in-game, but I only noticed him in the first place because I took a screenshot and was having fun zooming in on all the details!
I think that's either Hop or Snick and Dominic on either side of Neige, but if the others are meant to be anyone in particular I don't recognize 'em. though I do love all the absolutely terrifying implications of Rook having this. was this some kind of officially-published merchandise (and if so, why) or did Rook like...go hunting through the RSA trash to find this random student lineup just because it included Neige, and has had it hanging proudly on the wall ever since. (I mean, he definitely did do this, I don't know why I'm asking. the real question is why he hasn't cut out little pictures of his own face and stuck them over everyone else's yet.)
there is seriously SO MUCH in this room. how did Rook manage to keep this hidden for three years. also, somebody give this background artist a raise immediately.
#screenshot#twisted wonderland#twisted wonderland spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers#twisted wonderland episode 7 part 8 spoilers#twisted wonderland book 7 part 8 spoilers#this just in: the savanaboys are canonically very respectful of each other's privacy and right to their own personal space#the other option is that no one actually wants to see why rook is always so desperate to keep people out of his room#but these are not mutually exclusive! leona respects your boundaries through genuinely not giving a shit. ⭐️#god. rook's room really was somehow exactly what i expected but also so much more than i could have ever imagined.#the literal divide down the center including his BEDSHEETS AND PILLOW#do you think rook makes sure to sleep precisely down to the mm in the center of his bed each night what am i saying of course he does#he has also probably trained his eyes to move independently so he can look at both of the hanging posters above his bed at once#savanarook really was such a treasure. i shall miss him.#(i have also decided based on basically nothing that because there's a banner with vil's unique magic name on it)#(and the corresponding banner for neige says '[someday my] prince will come')#(that i'm going to headcanon this as being neige's unique magic. i must know what it does. the possibilities are TANTALIZING)
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Sketch dump :)
#the first one is indeed based from the doomed baseball au from nightow..#I planned on doing something nicer but hehe...wip wip. forever.#Most of these are just stuff I do sometimes and never post. I figured I should share them now#I'm going back to uni soon so. I will enjoy my last few hours of freedom#trigun#vash the stampede#trigun stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#vashwood#trigun fanart#vash#wolfwood#nicholas trigun#lenssi draws#meryl stryfe#trimax#meryl trimax#Meryl crumbs for me specifically bc while she is going through It Horribly I am very much in love with her messy hair#trigun eriks#eriks trigun#more bloody vash for the soul (sry bby)
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team cohesion designed to give jack a tension migraine ft. sam and daniel "urgo" 3.16
#sam and daniel looking at each other vibing with their shared brainwave while jack prays for the sweet release of death#stargate#sg-1#stargateedit#sam carter#amanda tapping#jack o'neill#richard dean anderson#daniel jackson#michael shanks#s3#ep16#3.16#***edits#jack's tone to sam is very much 'please. please don't do this to me. please i am begging' and to daniel 'I AM GOING TO KILL YOU'#he knows they're both right. always.#but with sam it's like *sighs deeply*yeah. she's right. she always is.'#and with daniel *through gritted teeth* 'never tell him this but he is always right. godDAMN'
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Prompt 290
Ghosts have the habit of taking names of those they’ve defeated. Not in spars or play-fights of course, and one has to actually be an adult for the instinct to hit, but it happens. It happens far more often than one would think.
Jason? Actually has no clue when he comes back to the living why he stole one of the Joker’s older names, nor why the Pit goes so angry when he thinks about Robin- HisTitleHisFraidNameFromFamily-
Now the Pit? Not a baby semi-near the cusp of adulthood, in fact is Very Old even if it’s more hivemind-esque then a full on realms entity. Very offended for the Baby it was gifted, because who takes that from a literal infant?!
Oh! Oh that’s another baby! Hm, change of plans, obviously the baby is also its. Because while adult ghosts trying to forcefully take a Name is a direct challenge? A ghostling- or in this case liminal- doing it is an open invitation for adoption.
#DCxDP#DPxDC#Prompts#Sentient Lazarus Pit#Jason has no clue what happened either#Tim got kidnapped by Pit Mad Jason and bundled into a nest#At this point Hood’s Merry Men is used to their Boss bundling up kids and helping them detox so they leave him be#Let Liminals & ghosts Purr#Dick & Bruce are so very panicked & tearing through Gotham#Not unlike how Tim’s teammates are freaking out & searching outside Gotham#Meanwhile Tim is just confuzzled as Big Crime Lord curls around him & growls at anyone who so much as opens the door#the Pit: I am such a good parent :)#Later when Jason isn’t actively having Pit Episode (the Pit totally isn’t wanting babies to meet each other)#Jason holding Tim by the armpits audibly confused: You are not one of my brats#Tim who is concussed & has narcolepsy: No shit helmet-man but let me go back to sleep it’s comfy
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DC X DP PROMPT #24
Danny has the ghost flu. It's not contagious. So what's the harm in answering a summons from his favorite group of heroes in the sky? Coddling. They knew IMMEDIATELY that something was up and now they aren't leaving Danny alone. On the plus side, he's in space! On the downside, his powers are acting up with the ghost flu and they just aren't letting him go home.
#dc x dp#dpxdc#danny gets summoned to the watchtown#summoning is their form of communication with the ghost kid#danny is sick through his ghost side#unrelated to the given scenario but reveal gone good in this one#the jl: the ghost kid is sick#we should help him#danny: let me go heathens#listen#it doesnt make much sense but i am also very sick rn#actually give me sickfic recs#let me live vicariously through my blorbos
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A gift horse for @piosplayhouse
#better drawn mdzs#I worked very hard on that horse I think it's worth being sorted into the better drawn gallery.#I've been wanting to draw Verdandi for months now! They have such a cute design!!! Pio's designs in general are so good!#I did look up a bunch of horse references and sadly while I had high ambitions I could not replicate the bug eyes of the front facing horse#I instead encourage you all to take a moment and go look up front facing horse. One day I'll have more horse skill points to do it justice.#Regardless of all that; I want to give a huge shout out to Pio!#Thank you so much for being a voice of fun and absurdism in a fandom space that sometimes takes itself far too seriously.#You're unbelievable passionate and creative and one never knows what they'll get when you make a new text post.#And by the gods are you resilient. It is honestly aspirational to watch how you continue to persevere through the toughest of times.#I am sincerely wishing you all the best for this next year. May it be kind and bring your wonderful bounties.
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I’ve said this in tags but wanna say it again. Wanting Bucktommy to be endgame wasn’t just because I liked tommy, or lou or whatever. It was about finally wanting Buck to have a partner that understood him, and to finally have a partner that worked. Tommy knew the 118, he was already integrated into the storyline and into Buck’s life - He worked well and made sense. I am sick and tired of seeing Buck have failed relationships, or having people leave him. I just wanted him to finally be happy in a relationship, and be able to finally have someone who would stay, and who made him happy. I just wanted someone he could see a future with and Tommy was that person
#it also wasn’t about a ship war or whatever people are saying#I happened to like the ship and thought it would be nice for buck to have a partner who works with his family 🙁#and yes I am aware eddie also very much works but he is going through it rn 😭 (+ it has now officially been said that he’s straight 🥲)#Like buddy he is absolutely not ready for a relationship rn let him find himself first before he even thinks about trying to woo buck#anyways 🥰#bucktommy#tommy kinard#evan buckley#9 1 1#911 abc#9 1 1 on abc#if ur a bob go away i don’t like u#Ik that isnt relevant but it’s a mandatory tag I don’t want any of u stinky freaks near my blog 🙁
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i am once again absolutely entranced by their hands and the ridiculous size difference between them
#foaming at the mouth#eyes glowing red#yes i am normal thank you very much#alot of words going through my mind rn and none of them r in the bible#ln4#op81#landoscar#mctwinks
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[ cw: death mention / strangulation mention / stabbing mention / blood mention / self-sacrifice / codependency mention in tags / ]
I think a lot about how common it is for Raph to be the one to have direct focus put on him when Leo gets into all his near death experiences.
Like, when Leo is thrown off a building, it’s Raph who’s right there jumping after him, not even thinking about the consequences to himself when he does. When Leo almost gets skewered by the Krang, Raph’s right there to take the blow and send Leo to safety without a second thought. When Leo’s being strangled to near death, it’s a Krangified Raph doing the job, doing exactly what Raph would never, ever want to do. When Leo is telling Casey Jr to close the portal, it’s Raph who tries desperately to convince Leo otherwise.
Likewise, Leo is consistently very single minded when Raph gets forcibly separated from them. Both when in the sewers and by the Krang, Leo is dead set on finding Raph first and foremost.
I also think it’s interesting that during each of Leo’s near death experiences, the lightheartedness of his words during them goes directly hand in hand with both how close Raph is to him physically and how much danger Raph is also in in that moment. From a literal “I told you so” as Leo’s falling away from Raph to a soft joke about how “hero moves” are Raph’s style - both of these are on the more morbidly carefree side and both of these notably take Leo farther away from Raph and, in turn, have Raph not in immediate danger.
On the other side of things is the apology from Leo, heedless of the danger he himself is in as he seriously and genuinely speaks to a Krangified Raph face to face. Then there’s Leo’s freezing and desperation as Raph takes a hit meant for him and sends just Leo to safety, leaving Raph himself behind. Both of these involve much closer proximity and Raph being directly harmed - these together make Leo much more vulnerable in his words and actions, something not even the threat of death can make him.
These two care about each other so much, and they’re way too much alike for their own good.
#rottmnt#rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles#rottmnt raph#rise raph#rottmnt leo#rise leo#honorable mention to the time Leo desperately tried throwing himself into harm’s way to get to Karai#and Raph is the one who has to pull him back#I also think that it’s interesting how both of them go about self sacrifice#because wow they both have problems with it#Raph’s tends to be immediate reactions not even thinking as he throws himself over his bros#Leo’s are often shown to be ‘for the greater good’ (said greater good often being his family)#once again I am saying that post movie these two would likely have codependency issues#considering Raph’s already present acute seperation anxiety and Leo’s immediate memory of Raph standing over him bleeding#another thing to mention is how Future Leo’s actual death still falls into the whole ‘morbidly lighthearted words’ category#I also wanna point out that in Many Unhappy Returns the trust that Leo wants so much does NOT come from Splinter but from RAPH#side note but in regard to the fighting that Raph and Leo were up to during the time between the shredder and the krang#I think it’s interesting that it’s NOT depicted as screaming matches - very blatantly not this actually#also also! I totally love how the movie parallels Oroku Saki and Karai with Raph and Leo respectively#there are so many parallels in general in this show+movie it makes me froth at the mouth#and because it breaks my heart - the beginning of the movie had Raph getting angry at Leo and lashing out at him#the end of the movie has the Krang very very angry at Leo and lashing out at him#both of these times has Leo ‘ruining’ a mission so…bad parallels#in the movie as well there’s a Krangified Raph who beats Leo senseless#so I have to wonder if Raph and Leo just…can’t roughhouse anymore#else Leo would flinch or Raph would be so scared to accidentally hurt Leo like he was already used to do before#then suddenly their usual dynamic of Raph never having to be softer with Leo is thrown on its head#worse is if they’re so terrified of this dynamic leaving that they power through their own sufferings to maintain it
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hey im curious
feel free to rb & explain your answer in the tags!
#i will go first <3#i reread my own fics all the time!!!#it's so fun!!#i am the target audience for every fic i have ever written#like even if it's a gift/for an event i write it bc i am genuinely interested in it#so of COURSE im going to enjoy looking back on those fics#i have uh 24 fics on ao3 now?#so i dont reread All of them#i mainly reread my longer fics bc i just have the most fun writing them#i encourage ppl to reread their own work bc#1 its fun to see how your writing has changed#(my writing has gone through So Much since i started in 2019 lol)#2 if you write for yourself then youll always love what youve written!#n e way thats my 2 cents#pls share w/ me i am very curious#thanks love ya#fanfiction#fanfic#<- promo tags ig
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a little family
#buddy daddies#my art#doodles#sometimes a family is an two misfit assassins and the daughter of the guy you offed and thats a okay#but lets not talk about that#we love healing in this house and how do you heal if not after suffering#reis journey through depression and kazukis journey through grief#what 1 little girl does to a man#its 5 am all i can offer are doodles but i love them very much#i know we do reasonably get to call them cowards for not making it gay (esp at the end bc come on)#but i do love whatever relationship they have going becuase theyre just. Thats marriage babe....#theyre not going to be doing any dating with that committment that is the most domestic ass setting ive ever seen#everyone and their mother assumes theyre married/dating and doesnt even question it because theres NO QUESTION T O ASK#only the people involved apparently dont know theyre married#ok nvm they were cowards for not making it gay. but again. theyre clearly married your honor. theyre just a little stupid
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