#I am trying to write it but it’ll probs be awhile

[haveihitanerve]

Okay but the Batkids being new to the League and no one really knows their connection to Batman and one of them is a little lippy, maybe dick, maybe Jason, maybe Tim or Damian but probably Steph and anyway the said league member who gets offended, probs Green Arrow or Green Lantern or maybe even Black Canary, challenge them to a fight in order to put this kid in their place, and Steph or dick or whoever cartwheels over to the batkid squad and is casually stretching and the JL members are either like ‘bro they deserve what’s coming to them, Dinah looks mad mad, how quick do you think the fights be over?” And Superman is like “what do you think Batman?” And Bruce looks over, sees dick/Steph lining up to fight and just goes “less than a minute. One punch.” And Wonder Woman is like “hey now, go easy on the kid, have a little more faith.” And he looks at her blankly and is like “that’s my bet on the kid. They’re gonna knock Dinah out with one hit.” And everyone’s like laughing awkwardly because wtf but the batkid looks over at him and goes “really? I was hoping for a little more exercise.” All whiny and he just shrugs and is like “I taught you better, don’t mess around.” And they’re like “ugh fine. I guess I’ll let you win the bet.” And everyone is confused but then exactly what he says happens.

[marsgod]

(Heres a picrew of what i kinda look like)

Pronouns: she/her

Sexuality: bisexual

Personality: I don't talk to people I don't know usually and can seem shy but once I get to know them a can be talkative and a little bit loud (tho its not on purpose that i get loud). I don't really hate people unless they give me a reason too. I don't get annoyed or mad easily. I make dark jokes most of the time they're directed to myself. I try to be supportive of my friends but if I know what they're doing is stupid than I will call them out on it. I'm really into the emo style. I do suffer from anxiety and depression, I also am touch starved (tho I will never ask for physical attention, the other person will have to do it first for me to return it probably it depends on how close i am to them). I have anger issues but they usually only get bad if I don't get enough sleep. I'm usually the most responsible one out of my siblings and like to keep my grades up most of the time.

Hobbies: reading, drawing, watching anime/tv shows, writing, painting, going on late night drives, witch craft stuff and going on walks.

Likes: anime, art, music, nightmare before Christmas, harry potter, the colors black and purple also green alot, scented things, candles, Halloween, fall weather, animals, and fuzzy blankets.

Dislikes: spiders, liar's, blend food, and people who can't clean up after themselves.

╰┈➤ I’d match you with… Leona Kingscholar!

Leona is honestly super blunt, so you don’t rwally have to panic over what he’s thinking because he’ll just tell you

When you first meet, it’ll prob take awhile until you both actually start talking (mostly helped by a project, friend, etc.) because Leona doesn’t care much

I feel that a lot of beast men really like scented things anyways, and blankets? It’s Leona, he’s gonna have the fluffiest blankets

Imma be honest he doesn’t clean very often, but rarely does his room get absolutely disgusting, mostly by Ruggie but maybe if you tell him?

Idk ban him from cuddling

Leona likes dark humor, but will mildly get concerned if you start making more jokes than normal

Sleeping is a hobby Leona loves already, if you need a nap or something then Leona is already carrying you to the bed<3

You don’t have to ask for physical attention bc Leona will start following you, cuddling you, whatever else, anywhere

He likes it if you can braid his hair, or just run your fingers through it..

You and Leona are usually on the same boat of calling ppl out, but between the two of you?

Leona makes the most dumbass decisions, he gets jealous and doesn’t think sometimes, but most of the time he’s pretty blunt

Might not be the absolute best, but isn’t he?

“What are you doing? Don’t leave, you’re warm..”

[jazzy-writes]

Writeblr intro *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

Hi! I’m not new to writeblr just doing a little reintroduction

The mess that is me:

Hi I’m jazzy/Jasmine

17, she/her, pansexual, black, Gemini, ENFJ

been writing for a long time but inconsistent as hell

if you are LGBT+ and write or have LGBT+ character pls say hi or send me one of your posts so I can interact

I literally don’t know what I’m doing

head empty

yellow, pink, brown

professional simp and penpals w/ @zenabena-writes​

I’m way too friendly 

over-affectionate golden retriever (y’know I think I’m getting a little carried away this feels like a dating profile)

I started this a couple of years ago so just ignore every post I’ve made before this

more info below <3

Likes:

anime (bnha, jjk, aot, haikyuu+lots more) + kpop (bts, nct, loona+more)

shitty vampire books/media

cottagecore/soft aesthetics

sleep

true crime

spending 7 hours making Pinterest boards for my characters

animal crossing

psychological horror

Dislikes:

deadlines

negativity

not sleeping

What I write:

realistic fiction apparently

gore

fantasy

YA

poetry occasionally

I might make a website when I have a solid portfolio but that probably won’t be for awhile. I want to treat this blog as more of a diary than having super formal posts about my wips and stuff. I’ll do wip intros and oc’ intros but I mainly want this account to make writing friends and have accountability for actually finishing projects. I’d love to do monthly check-ins or updates on what i’m reading and writing but we will see how that goes. My fatal flaw is over planning and then not actually writing. I’m my own worst critic and it’s honestly irritating at this point.

My writing flame blew out like two years ago but you didn’t hear it from me. (i.e the well is DRY)

I would introduce my WIPS but it’s been a while since i’ve worked on any of them, they’re all kind of scattered, and i’m trying to rework a large portion of them. I will say I’ve had a lot of ideas and I don’t want to put any off the table so expect my vague ramblings about those. 

I am somehow writing an Among Us fanfic but I’m not mad at it. I swore I wouldn’t tell anyone anything about this until I finished it so I guess you’ll just have to wait and see <3

Most of my wips include plotlines surrounding: coming of age, lgbt/lgbt struggles, mystery, murder/crimes/death??, toxic bitches, and general fantasy

It’ll be a miracle if I ever make an actual wip intro 

Goals:

read more

write more

make friends

This is my blog so it’s an accepting space of: typos, shitty plots, really overused cliches that make you happy, lots of lgbt’s, unconventional dynamics, not knowing how to use any punctuation whatsoever, overplanning and looking up every single detail and aspect of a time period for a wip OR making shit up and not researching literally anything, being repetitive, and simply making mistakes

Um, that’s pretty much it, I love making friends so don’t be afraid to dm me or anything. I’d love to talk about wips/ideas and anime/manga at literally anytime. I’ll probs make a list of ones that i’m watching and reading and i’m open to recommendations! Thanks for reading!

(pic at the top is @ 16pxl on twt)

-jazzy｡.｡:∞♡*♥

[jksofficialwifey]

Mindflayed | JJK pt.1

A JK halloween fic/Stranger Things AU

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: horror, smut, e2l, f2l, angst, cnc, breeding kink, daddy kink, choking kink.

Summary: Strange things happen after a one night stand with your friend, Jeon Jungkook. But you didn’t realize it’s only the beginning, and Jungkook is not who he seems. 

A/N: this is a short series lol bec im 2 lazy to write a long fic. I still hope you hoez enjoy tho! 🥴🥵 my halloween gift for y'all 💜

You recently moved to Hawkins, Indiana after staying 21 years at your family’s place or more like hellhole. In this town, you met a guy named Jungkook and his crackheady lookin gang. (his friends) they didn’t really do crack though, they were just dorks.

You became friends with them, and they made adjusting to the new town a whole lot better. You didn’t think strange things would happen in this town, as cliché as it seems- nothing ever happens here, they say. One night, seemed to change that though. You were currently on the couch, trying to doze off while watching TV with Jungkook. He was probs already asleep you thought, well that was until he inched a bit closer to you.

You paid no mind to it, since he was probably just sleepy and it probably didn’t mean anything. Well, now his head was on your shoulder. Okay? maybe he likes to cuddle? you didn’t feel uncomfortable really, because he was your friend and he was cute too. You just hoped he couldn’t hear how fast your heart was beating at his very close proximity.

Then it happened, you weren’t sure when but he was breathing on your neck. Was he awake? he was kissing your sensitive spot, like he knew it. he was peppering small but sensual kisses to your neck. You were still immobile, because of the emotions you were feeling at his sudden actions. 

He was awake now, you were quite sure. He looked at you and you couldn’t really decipher what his eyes were trying to tell. They were dark and clouded. Was it with lust? or was it with hate? you weren’t sure. You didn’t really think he’d have feelings for you, and he didn’t show signs of being interested with you at first, so you aren’t sure what to do now. You didn’t have time to decide though, because he already did it for you by attaching his lips on yours. He was kissing you kinda rough but in a good way. You kissed him back soon enough, you just blamed it on your raging hormones. Maybe you were ovulating and getting your period soon. After the passionate kiss, you think he stopped just to tell you, 

“I want you." 

He said, voice a bit hoarse from kissing. "Do you want me too y/n?” His question caught you a bit off guard. “Jungkook… I…” you actually didn’t know what to say. All you knew was that you felt good, but could you really do more than hook up with him? won’t it ruin your friendship that was just beginning to bloom?

“Answer me, baby. Do you want me too or not?” His tone demanding. He looked so hot with his long black curly hair and annoyed facial expression that you couldn’t say no. “Yes, I want you Jungkook.” you said voice barely a whisper, you were still too shy to admit it. 

But then, he curled his fingers around your neck almost choking you but not quite, and then said, “I can’t hear you babe, I need you to say it properly and louder so I can hear.” He then removed the fingers wrapped around your neck. “I want you, Jungkook. I really do.” You said voice much louder this time. “That’s my good girl. It’s good that you want me, cos I want to breed you. Can I breed you kitten?”

He said, catching you off guard again with his dirty talk. Well, if that was his kink too, then who were you to disagree with him? you were on the pill anyway. “I’d love for you to Jungkook…” You replied. 

“Call me daddy, kitten. Say it again.” he demanded. 

“I’d love for you to breed me, daddy.” He then smirked, seemingly pleased with what you said. “Part your legs then baby, let me take care of you first.” he said, and you did as you were told. You parted your legs and he peppered soft kisses on your thighs. Then he started getting a little rough and leaving bites as he goes near to where you want him the most.  

To your surprise, he fingered you first. Inserting one, and then two fingers inside your tight hole. Making digit eights on your clit, and soon enough you were shaking and cumming just from his fingers. He licked them, and watched your post orgasm face. He couldn’t deny he enjoyed seeing you like this. You’d make a perfect vessel for his offspring to be in. So if in case he dies, there will still be a mindflayer in this realm. A new one. Of course he had to use this mortal’s body to get what he wants, but he knows it’ll be worth it anyway when his plan succeeds.

He doesn’t waste time and eats you out before you can even recover. Using his tongue like he was made to do this. To do you. Licking and sucking on your sore clit like he was paid to. Leading you to your 2nd orgasm. “Are you ready to take my cock now baby? can you still take another mind blowing orgasm?”

Jungkook asked you, while you were still coming down from your high. “I dunno kook… I meant daddy- I’m pretty spent, but I’ll try.” you tiredly replied. “I’m sure you can handle one more baby, you’re a tough girl. And you’re my tough girl.” he said seductively, giving you hope that you can still take one last orgasm at least. He then picked you up bridal style and went to his room. And after laying u on his bed, without warning, he slipped his big fat cock inside you stretching your walls in a good way. In a satisfying kinda way. He was pounding into you with so much force you don’t even know where he got his strength from.

And after a while- you came the hardest you could. And he does too, inside you. Creaming your pussy with his dark-ish cum? or were your mind just playing tricks with you? maybe you were just really exhausted, you did orgasm 3 times now. 

You were so sensitive and sore, but Jungkook wanted to go at it again. You can’t believe his stamina. He wanted to fuck you doggystyle and so he did. He loved the feeling of reaching inside you even deeper, and cumming inside you even more. After you got your 4th orgasm of the night, you just wanted to sleep, too tired to get out of jungkook’s bed and take a shower. Jungkook decided he wanted to make small talk anyway. 

“Y/N, you’re still awake right?” he asked. 

“Yea, guess I am since you’re keeping me awake.” You teased. “Sorry…I just wanted to ask about what happened with us tonight…You’ll keep our offspring right?” He said, voice seeming much deeper than his usual one. It was kinda creepy, his voice and his question. 

What did he mean by keeping your offspring? “Offspring? I don’t understand what you mean Jungkook, I’m on the pill.” You retorted. “You mean you’re using protection? you can’t get pregnant?” he asked, voice seeming a little mad to be not. You nodded, obviously to say yes. Albeit, quite frustrated with his reaction.

Well shit, he can’t get you pregnant if you’re preventing yourself from the actuality of it. He was mad and pissed. You were a useless bitch then. He was gonna kill you. And so he did, by bashing your head against the wall repeatedly. But, of course, only in his mind. He couldn’t kill you yet, or another useless mortal. It would arouse suspicion, and he was trying to avoid that for now. Because he still needs to accomplish his plan, and he doesn’t want any distractions. The friends of this mortal’s body he’s inhibiting- mustn’t find out. 

Hopefully, they’re too stupid just like this mortal Jungkook, If he hadn’t followed the rats, then he wouldn’t have found him. His curiosity for the unknown had killed him. Though, the shadow monster still would’ve chosen and possessed another host, to help in making his plans come to life. And if the real Jungkook was here, well, he probably won’t be doing this with you. It’s pityfully pathetic how hard he’s trying to take control back of his own body, he’s also really quite idiotic, he should know that his attempts are futile.

But, the mindflayer took pity on him for a bit, to see what he would do. If he could warn her somehow, of what’s going on inside of him and what’s gonna happen to this town. So, he let him take control just for a little while, and warned him to hurry up before he ran out of time. 

🍁🎃🍁🎃🍁🎃🍁🎃🍁🎃🍁🎃🍁🎃🍁🎃

Jungkook sucks in a breath, shock flooding through him now that he’s finally back in his own body and consciousness. Though he knows this wouldn’t last long, and he’ll corrupt him again. He has to warn you, all of you. And you all need to stay away from him. “Y/N, wake up! wake up! You need to get the fuck out.” He yells to you and woke you up with a start. “Jungkook, what the fuck? it’s still 3am can’t you at least let me stay til the morning?” You were embarrassed and appalled at his rude behavior. 

You just fell asleep, and here he was wanting you to get out of bed and his house, away from him. Wow, he was totes such a gentleman. Men really only want you as their sextoy. “I can’t explain right now, but I don’t want to hurt you anymore than i already did. So please listen to me and just go.” He said with his voice tired. 

Was he tired from awhile ago? or was he sick? You looked at him closely, and realized there were dark bags around his eyes, and he looked more exhausted than he did last night. “Jungkook, what do you mean? you didn’t hurt me. I enjoyed it, I mean- I wanted it too. Did you regret what we did last night?” You said frustrated and meekly. “I did. It was a mistake, and now I want you to go.” he said so coldly, and he looked like he meant it.

I wanted it too. But at the right time, and I wanted it to be me, the real me to do it with you. Jungkook said in his mind, the words he couldn’t say right now to you. He grabbed your arm and made you wear a big and long sweater, then gave you some pants but he was already ushering you to go outside before you could even put them on. You couldn’t believe he could be so cruel. His front door was now open, and he was just waiting for you to finally get out and leave him. But you didn’t leave without telling him, “You’re such a cock you know that? don’t worry I’ll never talk to you again.”

And that was the last words you ever spoke to him. Jungkook was hurt. Physically, mentally and emotionally. He was also drained because of everything. Maybe he had himself to blame, maybe if he didn’t let his curiosity get the best out of him and followed the goddamn rats, this wouldn’t have happened. But, he also knows that the mind flayer would’ve just chose another host. It wouldn’t stop at anything. But what it didn’t know or might have underestimated is that, Jungkook wouldn’t stop at anything too. He just needs to get it back. His supernatural abilities, he lost it because of a tragic incident before. But he knows it will come back. And when it does, (hopefully it will, before the mindflayer kills everyone and he’s too late-) He’s gonna save everyone: You, his friends, his town, and himself. And that dickhead mindflayer will be eradicated forever.

Part 2 coming soon. ty for reading! pls reblog and comment if you liked it, positive comments and feedback are highly appreciated 😊 Reblog and tell me if you want to be added on the next taglist! 💜

A/N; also, my mindflayer in this fic is kinda ¼ human or at least it was human before shsh. and it’s a very horny mindflayer 🤣 it wanted to breed y/n to create a demon heir/child so if inc it dies, there would be a new evil monster to create havoc in the town. fortunately y/n was on b/c so thank the gods for that. 😂

[gay-jesus-probably]

You have a lot of fans wondering what happened to you in fan fiction. Like me. My gay Jesus, where has our savior gone?

...bro....

Okay first things first: that is probably the nicest thing anyones ever said to me???? holy shit anon i love you.

Secondly... yeah theres not really an excuse here, i just... havent been feeling it. 

Not helped by the fact that I got a new laptop back in the spring, and while I transfered all my files over no problem, I was pirating microsoft word on my old computer, and my usual source of pirated materials (read: dad) gave me a file for it that my computer immediately read as a nasty virus and now refuses to ever interact with again, so. while i have everything, and can look at it whenever I want, i can’t interact with my files in any way shape or form. like, no edits, no additions, i can’t even fucking copy+paste. So I’m using google docs now, except with literally all of my WIPs, the outlining and new chapter files were not complete. So if I want to do any work on them, then it’ll have to be split between beginning on a Word doc, and then picking up on google docs partway through, which seems real fuckin inconvenient so it hasn’t happened yet.

My options are to either cough up and buy the microsoft package, which i dont have the money for, or to find a better pirate source, which is also not an option bcause dad is a giant drama queen and he flips shit and has a guilt trip meltdown if he thinks hes not being appreciated, so me informing him his pirated word didnt work several months after he gave it to me? will not go over well, so there is not a chance in hell i’m doing that. The only solution is to go on my old laptop where i CAN alter the files, and copy-paste them all into google docs, but like... hooooly shit. we’re talking a lot of content here. my outlines tend to get... lengthy, because they’re mostly me rambling to myself. and there’s a lot of WIP projects i’ve got. basically i COULD handle it, but i’m too lazy to actually do so lmao, especially since the whole process would take twice as long cause my old laptop has some case damage around the hinge, which is also by the power button, and means that if the screen moves at all there is a 75% chance it will turn off the laptop. and that gets real old real fast.

All that clusterfuck aside, if we’re talking specific projects, then the rough summary is under the readmore:

Displacement and Division: Haven’t been feeling it. Don’t think I’ve written any new content since I last updated, which was... aaa while ago. I promise, no matter how long it takes, I AM coming back to this one. It’s too far to walk now. It just... may take awhile. Doesn’t help that the outlines and a fair chunk of the next chapter for both fics are locked up in Word. Don’t obsessively check for updates, but hang in there. I’m coming back.

Hooked Into A Machine and Nobody’d Even Notice At All: Both were initially created due to the Great Gods of Hyperfixation causing me to lock into Be More Chill when i discovered it, quickly burn through the entire fandom, and start frantically producing my own content out of sheer frustration. When the hyperfixation wore off... i was able to enjoy non-BMC content again, and wandered off. Whenever I wander back in, updates will occur. ...Don’t hold your breath on these.

Ghost in the Machine: Mix of the two problems, as it was written in the middle of a hardcore Tron hyperfixation, and when I came down, I wandered away. Chapter 3 is about halfway done, only problem is that’s... all locked in Word. Yeah. There’ll probably be more whenever I come back to Tron. It ain’t dead yet.

Cold Flame/Lunam Ignis: Honestly, trying to write a full blown fic of this concept was probably stretching it a bit for me. I had ideas and scenes for Axelnort in DDD, and I wanted to use them, but I felt the need to build up to them first. That... was a mistake, because I didn’t really have anything for Days, and only a handful of stuff for KHII. Honestly, I’d safely call Lunam Ignis dead, I have 0 plans of coming back to that one.

Seemingly Simple Things: These were two blurbs written as a joke, that I probably should not have tried to continue. Don’t expect a chapter 3... well, ever. Apologies all, but I feel anything further would roll over from ‘funny’ to ‘forced’, and I’d rather not. It be like that sometimes.

I’m pretty sure that’s all of my WIPs? If any of these made you go ‘wait what the fuck when was that’, I’ve got an AO3 and an FF.net account, and tbh? my crossposting is not reliable. Some are on both, but a fair amount of fics have just been posted to one or the other. It be like that.

I know I’ve been dead since January (on FF.net) and April (on AO3), but you are going to have to wait a bit - we’re back into NaNo season, so fic is not high on the priority list at the current moment. Apologies, fam.

And now the good news! I AM still writing plenty! Just, none of its gotten to the point of being postable. I’ve had some less intense small fandom hyperfixation frustration fic bursts, so if anyone’s also into TribeTwelve, Stand Still Stay Silent, or Check Please!, then there may be some content going up from those - I’ve got multiple fics in progress for all of those that aren’t just self indulgent fuckery, and will be posted if I can work on them enough to make the plausible.

As for my WIP’s, as I said above, Ghost in the Machine DOES have a chapter 3 about halfway done, and a complete outline for part 1, so that finishing is looking very good whenever I get around to it.

With Displacement, while the next chapter doesn’t have much, the outlines done through to part 7, so I know exactly where we’re steering this trainwreck, and I’ve got a few rough drafts of key scenes in part 4 and 5. I’ve also started on interludes 4 and 5. For those curious, interlude 4 is several non-Evie clones in the 420th unknowingly re-enacting Die Hard, and Michelle’s hair dye saves the day while also causing some truly impressive property damage. The stains left by that incident are never coming out. Interlude 5 is less fun, and more character exploration - namely, the main characters and their thoughts on Michelle. After the events of Part 5, trust me - there’s going to be a LOT of conflict in that area. Especially from Obi-Wan.

As for Division, while I admit the outline is a lot more shaky, and there’s less actual work done, I DO know who the cast is and what I’m doing with them, and I’ve got some rough drafts of crucial scenes, even if I don’t know exactly where those scenes happen yet. It’s gonna be a ride, yall.

And the final, most important piece of good news: As I’m sure you’ve noticed, i am a bitch that really likes talking about their writing. Literally anyone can hit me up asking about anything of mine, and I will probs spam you with a small essay, such as I just did. Tbh, if someone actually did message me to talk about my writing, I give it like a few hours of chatting before I’m linking that someone to a relevant google doc, and/or explaining the entire plot. ...Provided they’re cool with the spoilers, mind you. I ask that first. So seriously - while updates may not be coming until december at the earliest, if you want something to tide you over, be it rough drafts or just paragraphs of information, hit me up. I am literally always down to enthusiastically rant about my writing lmao.

...That goes twice as hard for my original projects, fyi, if someone sent me a message asking about my NaNo project I’d probably cry with joy and tell them everything. it helps me Plot.

The other benefit to messaging me is that I have good cats who are very cute and loving, and I have a compulsive need to show Every Single Person i interact with pics of them, so that’s another inevitable to talking to me.

look at these good kids

[cfdarkknight]

waddup WADDUPPP, the king is live™, the king is here ©, long live the king. hey guys !! it’s your local trash bin homie, sessho! ( short for sesshomaru ) inuyasha, anyone? naw? naw, it’s cool, it’s cool. i’m back, yes back, to the motherland no, my wakandaland handsome man T’CHALLA!!! i’ve loved t’challa since cw, and i’ve bee trying to find a place to fit my muse for him, it’s been so up and down, but i’m really excited because i think i found the perfect place for him. here !!! and i’m SO excited to rp with all of you!! this looks like this place is gonna be sm fun !!!! okay okay, i’ll stop blabbering on and give you the goods. pls forgive me for being so late?? jus think, t’challa was fashionably late to the party~

seriously, have you seen his wardrobe?? excluding dem shoes WAT R THOSE ???

( CHADWICK BOSEMAN, HE/HIM, CISMALE — T'CHALLA has been sighted within chronopolis. sometimes known as BLACK PANTHER, the 38 year old is known to be HONORABLE but can be DOUBTFUL if they stay here any longer. ( SESSHO, 26, CST, SHE/HER )

i’m following cw ( civil war ) && and black panther the movie, as far as wat he’s based on. i’m NOT going to go into too much detail about bp jus in case, ya haven’t seen it.

 if you haven’t ( wat r u doin with your life, go see it ) i swear, it’ll bless your year, if not your soul™

because of this i will tag gif sets and stuffz, from the movies with these tw: black panther spoilers, spoilers tw, bp spoilers trigger. all three of them most likely so DON’T tell me i didn’t warn you! make sure to put those on your blacklist tags! thank you!

tbh i don’t quite know where t’challa stands with the avengers, because he’s there for the upcoming infinity war, but at the same time he IS the black panther. protector of wakanda and king. his utmost importance are his people. it’s his duty as king. but he’s more than willing to work with the avengers for the greater good. aka beatin thanos’ ass.

so, in general, his relationship with most avengers is about where it left off in cw ( exceptions are our boy scout, shooky soldier, and our scarlet betrayer. )

t’challa’s on better terms with dat beautiful boy scout, since he took in shooky soldier

he tried to kill phuck me shooky soldier, but it’s aiight now

and drop dead gorgeous scarlet betrayer, you just hurt his feelings, but he understood what you did later, so he aint mad gurl, he ain’t mad

he never met thor and banner so yall free from his shade

he still doesn’t care about clint™

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

( change his mind clint )

his favorite ppl are shuri && ramonda of coarse, okoye, nakia, zuri rip, and w’kabi ( despite everything that happened WATCH BP ).

he feels like he has a strained relationship with his father now,  t'chaka, even tho the man ded now. because of something VERY IMPORTANT THAT DEALS WITH N'JADAKA !!! it’s complicated because he hates what he did to n’jadaka, but this is the same man that raised him. that he put all of his trust into. that taught him how to be a man, and raised him to be king. he fought the avengers, he fought cap, and almost KILLED bucky for him. t’challa had immense love and respect for him...and he just broke his heart.

so now, as king, he’s dealing with a couple of things. his doubt as an appropriate king. sometimes he doesn’t feel like he can lead his people right, that he doesn’t know what he’s doing in dire situations ( bp ), he has that false confidence but he’s just struggling thorough it. to find his place. like any young king. and it’s not like his father will tell him how exactly to lead. his ded relationship with n’jadaka. he doesn’t want what to happened to n’jadaka to happen ever again. in his own way, he’s trying to make up for what happened to his cousin. and he’s especially doing it through coming out of isolation, revealing to the world wakanda’s resources ( slowly but surely ) so they can help the world, instead of helping themselves. it was good at a time, but the world’s changing and problems are growing. more than ever, now is time to step into the spotlight. 

it’s too bad this didn’t happen until he lost his cousin </3

WHICH IS WHY N’JADAKA REALLY ISN’T A VILLAIN ( AGAIN BP )

sure he had different ‘ methods ’, he had every right to be angry, but he was just trYING TO HELP HIS PPL TOO

AFTER WHAT FCKIN T’CHAKA DID

I WILL PROTECT N’JADAKA LIKE CAP PROTECTS BUCKY FUCK MAN

and t’challa * secretly* wishes he could’ve gotten to know his cousin, because he didn’t even know he fuckin existed, *cries*

under different terms. but now, he wishes he could’ve gotten to know him ( this is still assuming he thinks he ded )

me && and tchalla @ n’jadaka: i luv u 

to go along with the isolationist ideology, that wakanda has stuck with for so long, t’challa only really knows the avengers ( *inserts names here* there’s alot of them ) AGAIN EXCEPT thor and bruce because they weren’t there for the fight, and his ppl over there in wakanda, which includes m’baku, and dez dudes everett ross, and ulysses klaue. i’m going to stick with this for immediate connections. all others will be new connections! aka he won’t know who you are.

yeah he’s got the black panther suit too *winkedy wink wink*

ship with chemistry, PLEASE! t’challa’s got a LOT going on.

other than his little crush on nakia, wat a player ;)

am i posting this before blackout day is over?? i hope so!! because it’s important! i love seeing my brothers and sistas posting black appreciation of all kind ( because yes i’m also black )

which is honestly why this blog, and this character, and all of the bp characters, and the bp MOVIE is so important to me.

i haven’t played t’challa in awhile, so pls be nice???

i’m probs not gonna make a startercall because it can be kind of overwhelming for me if i get alot??? ( long story ) but if you wanna make a starter for me, that’s cool ( after plotting ). i’ll try to respond to things and make a starter that everyone can reply to, cool?

YOU DON’T EVER HAVE TO MATCH MY LENGTH of replies. i tend to write alot, and it’s the only way i tend to get things across sometimes, but dw. if you’re comfortable writing less, you do that. i adapt.

some of these icons i’ve made myself, some of them aren’t mine *shrugs* i’m impatiently waiting for someone to make gif hunts from the movie of t’challa or icons or something because i’m not great at photoshop. gifs i can use to make into icons. in the meantime, i’m using gif icons/possibly even just icons.

COME AND PLOT WITH ME BBS <3

one more thing: WAKANDA  FOREVER!

[vakariansmonocle]

@scriptuurient have some gay shit u lil fckr <3

it’s a lil gay and probs a lil long & maybe a lil sad. but have - have a good read

i lied it’s really long and REALLY gay.

A year ago, around this time, my life was kind of in shambles and I wasn’t okay. I was hanging onto the wrong people — Person. A mistake. 

A year ago, my mother tried to kill my father. 

A year ago, that person tore apart my progress, my writing, my art and my mental health. They tore me apart, and i didn’t realize it. or maybe i did, but feeling loved is uh. Rare for me. 

A bad time really, all around. 

But almost a year ago, got a month to go, I met an amazing person. I met my friend Lucas. Now you may be asking, why’s this important? 

Other than he’s really important to me, it’s probably one of the most important moments of my life. 

A list of Reasons Why I love Lucas & Why he’s so Important to me: 

1. i think like him being in my life is not just extremely important because i love him?? but because like the friendship we’ve had has helped me really sort of feel loved by everyone who does love me. I know it probably sounds weird, and maybe it’s cruel. But i relied really heavily on someone praising me and having some love for me more than what my friends could offer. Because that was, and sometimes still is, the ideology drilled in my head. But being friends with him has slowly really helped me moved passed that. Like bein friends with him was literally like, here’s this light in your life. But here’s the other’s who have been there the whole time. and that’s EXTREMELY important to realize when you’re dealing with traumas and depression. 

I know i still struggle with a LOT but i am aware that i’m not completely alone because this one fckn person scrambled over all the stupid walls and p much metaphorically gave me a hug and told me i mattered to him. 

It was like. he hugged me and i Felt it. For once. 

Which sounds so cold to me every time i think about it. How little i’ve really felt the love of my friends and people who care about me. Legitimately it’s the worst. But it’s not that way now. It’s not that way now. and I refuse to go back to that. 

2. It’s this same feeling of feeling that importance to everyone, but on a smaller scale.  Because I tend to ramble a lot I tend to over express myself and it takes a lot for me to not fckn feel like shit afterwards. And this is something i’ll struggle with for awhile. But like, Lucas also rambles to me and talks to me and vents and it’s. Good. It feels so balanced and easy most of the time. Granted, we’ll still apologize to each other but it’s more instinct for me than actually really feeling it (most of the time.) 

It’s the small, ‘it’s okay! i don’t mind’ & ‘no it’s okay! i appreciate it.’  and continuing the ramblings that really helps. and god im crying about it right now christ. but it’s that important to me honestly. it means so much to hear that it’s okay. that’ i’m okay more importantly. It’s like shushing that part of my brain that goes into a full blown panic for rambling that makes him so ?? so good for me. 

3. For almost a Year we’ve talked nearly every day. I mean like literally we have talked every day. Even if it was a brief ‘hey i love you’ because of whatever reason. But we’ve literally talked so much. It’s so consistent and comfortable. And I’m honestly really excited to talk with him verbally?? Because god it’ll be so good for me. because like       a.) socializing verbally is not a good skill of mine       b.) i wanna talk to him like all the time        c.) i can get use to talking with him verbally and feel at ease which helps with see a. 

  But like honestly that’s been the best part, ya know? Feeling like this is just part of my day to day. That it’s something good and like, we don’t have to talk all the time?? and that’s so good lmao. It’s so good. Good on my soul and my fucking psyche. God i love it. 

Like I love talking to him??? I love talking about oc’s and ships and random shit!! i love talking about gender stuff and life stuff!! i love when he talks about rocks and minerals and space!! i love when he rambles to me about things he loves!! and i know this ties into 2. but its so important to point this part out on its own okay. I love!!! i LOVEEEEE when he talks to me about everything!!! i love feeling that he trusts me to vent to me and i love feeling that he wants me to know things about his life!! i love when we talk about what we’re going to do when we hang out because, pOINTS AT 1!!! It feels so good!!! it feels so good to feel included in his life and it feels so good to know and talk about how he wants MEEEE in his LIFEEEE!!!! that’s so amazing y’all it’s so good it feels so good helps when i get fucked up!

4. i’m a big gay?

Is that a good reason. 

this is all really gay. 

But i mean honestly it’s so good to feel okay to feel this gay?? Like all of these tie into each other, honestly. But I love feeling gay, and okay for it. I know what does this have to deal with my boy? Well you see... My love and care for him... It’s gay. Gay as heck. 

I wanna pick him up like a suitcase. 

I wanna carry him when he’s tired. 

I wanna help him learn handy dandy skills. 

I wanna be there for him as long as i can, and as long as he wants me here.

i wanna carry him down the street in fuck boy outfits together so he can be like ‘MOVE, WE’RE GAY’ 

I wanna look at the stars, and then at him while he rambles about them, and be like ‘wow you’re gay for space’ so he can, in turn, be like ‘oh no you found me out....’ and i can smooch his fucking forehead and call him a big nerd

i wanna be able to wake up to him curled up on me because i am a fckn personal heater 

I want all of this because I love him, and i think he deserves so much and i want to help get him all of it. I want to help him reach these goals and dreams because I love him so much and he’s my best fucking friend. 

So it’s SUPER gay. 

5. Every time i think about how much i want to be there for him gives me another quarter in the game of life y’all. It puts fucking money in the slot to keep me going. It is a goddamn lifeline that has helped me grab onto a life i want to live. 

Like. 

If i didn’t have him? I wouldn’t fucking see shit the same. I wouldn’t feel loved by my friends. I wouldn’t have this progress in getting better. I wouldn’t be looking at places in denver for myself, and wanting to plan out a life i wanna live. I wouldn’t be trying with nearly the same amount of want or need to live. I’d be existing, and drifting. It wouldn’t be the same 

and you might be like, aeron that’s absurd. that’s a lil much.

But no. it’s really not it’s REALLY not. I cannot imagine myself without this friendship because it has helped me so much. Do you know what it’s like to look forward to talking to someone as soon as you wake up? Like literally, I don’t know if he sees me post something or what. but every day he sends me a message almost exactly when i get up. and it feels good having this.

if i didn’t have him there to help me out when others, by no fault of their own, couldn’t? i literally don’t think I’d be here as well as i am. Maybe i’m exaggerating because i don’t know. Maybe I’m letting my emotions have this too much but i don’t care!!! I don’t!! I don’t know what my life would be like without him, but i can tell you this right now: I would not be me  and I would not have felt the same. I would not be feeling things as well. & I really don’t want to know at all what it’d be like without him in my life.

people forget how important that little push is. It literally takes one person to kick start a bit of your brain. One person to pull out a twist in the cables. One person to help you to your feet and give you understanding of things. To help you know that this is what something’s like.

so. 

I love Lucas. I love him. I love him and i am proud of him. I am so proud of you honey. I am so excited to see you grow and learn. I’m so excited to see you live, live show edition: Lucas watches spooky shit at 2am and we eat starbursts by the handfuls. 

I’m so happy I know you. I’m so happy you let me in your life, luke. like god I’m. 

Im gay and i’m happy and i’m so excited to see you grow and just!! all of it!!! you’re so wonderful and i’m gonna be here for you, okay? Whole way. In this together & not leaving anytime soon. 

& i apologize if this was a lot or stepped too much?? lemme know okay? 

TL;DR: I love you and you’re friendship with me has been critical to my steps in recovery and I’m gay. 

[kuriboo]

Birds of a Feather

For @mynamesaplant​

Happy birthday and Merry Christmas!!! I really hope you like this one. I wanted to make you something about the boys, because I know you love the boys. I hope the coming days are kind to you, because you deserve it. You're so rad and kind you never couldn't deserve it. I love you.

Fandom: Yu-Gi-Oh! 5D's Relationship: Jack Atlas/Fudou Yuusei/Crow Hogan

⁂

“Might not be a bad idea to throw in this big guy.” Crow picked up the card for Junk Berserker. “Gives you more options for Synchros, and if you’re up against something really powerful, his effect can help you turn the tables.”

“Hmm.” Yusei carefully took Junk Berserker from Crow and looked the card over. “I haven’t used this one in awhile, but that’s a good idea. I’ll do that. Thanks.”

“No prob.” Crow flashed a smile in Yusei’s direction. “Glad I can help.”

“Me, too. Your help’s always appreciated. How’re you holding up?” Yusei asked. “Need anything?”

Crow scowled down at his broken arm. “Not really holding up much of anything right now. But really, I don’t need anything, I’m fine. Just gonna take too long to heal, that’s all.”

It really was bad timing.

Yusei, Jack, and Crow had teamed up together for the WRGP— the big turbo dueling tournament where duelists worked together in teams of three. And then right in the middle of it, Crow’s arm was broken in an accident. Team 5D’s suspected it was actually sabotage by another team, but there was nothing they could do about it now. Nothing they could do would heal Crow’s arm faster, and that was all it took to take him out of the tournament for at least a couple more duels.

It wasn’t the worst thing in the world for the team itself. Akiza had just gotten her turbo dueling license. She was now serving as the team substitute until Crow had recovered. And Crow’s arm would recover with time. Until then, he went out with Akiza almost every day to help her practice and prepare for the tournament, working on both her driving and her teamwork strategies. No, Yusei wasn’t too worried about the team. The team was fine. He was a lot more worried about Crow.

It wasn’t that he was worried about Crow not getting better. He knew Crow would. It was about Crow’s mental state.

With only one working arm, Crow was severely limited. Turbo dueling was completely out of the question. He couldn’t drive his duel runner, and he certainly couldn't duel like that, either. Even just using a duel disk for a regular duel really required both arms and hands to be working properly. Crow couldn’t duel at all unless he sat down at a table and kept track of everything by hand. Even then, without a proper education, Crow’s writing and math skills weren’t the greatest. Crow used his duel runner for work to make deliveries, too, so not only was Crow losing his hobby, he couldn’t work, either.

Yusei could tell Crow was trying his hard to hide it, but he could also tell Crow was depressed. Who wouldn’t be? His wings were clipped. Helping Yusei work on his deck was probably the best mood Yusei had seen Crow in for at least a few days now.

Yusei just wished there was more he could do. Something, to help one of the most important people in his life.

He wasn’t the only one.

“He’s pretending he’s not, but he’s moping around the house all day,” Jack told Yusei. “He even stopped complaining about me not having a job. Which believe me, I don’t miss it, but it’s not like him.”

“I’d try to help him feel better if I could, but...” Yusei sighed. “I just don’t know how. I hate seeing him like this, too. I want him to be happy, we all earned it, but how?”

“Well, there’s no way he can drive a duel runner right now. That’s not happening.”

“Thanks, Jack.”

“But what if that didn’t have to stop him from dueling?” Jack pressed on, ignoring Yusei’s comment. “He and I both can’t really duel well without a duel disk, we’re not so great with numbers, so that’s not what I mean. What if he could use a duel disk with one hand?”

Yusei thought for a second. “Do they make any like that?”

“I’m not sure, but to be perfectly honest, even if they do I don’t know that we could afford it. You’ve heard Crow complain about my coffee expenses. But I don’t think that makes it out of the question, either.”

“What do you mean?”

“Use your fucking brain for a second, Yusei.” Jack rolled his eyes. “And you’re supposed to be the smart one of the relationship. You’re a mechanic. You built our duel runners from scratch and several junk parts.”

“Are you...saying I should build Crow a one-handed duel disk?” Yusei blinked. “Jack, that’s...that’s a really good idea. And it’s really kind of you, too. Building it myself would bring the cost down, and we can really tailor it to Crow specifically. And if he can duel, not only can he helps us prepare even more for the WRGP if he wants to, but it’ll help him regain some control over his life. He’ll be happier for sure.”

“Glad to see you’ve caught up with the rest of the class.” Jack smirked.

“So...how’re we making this thing?”

“Oh my god, Yusei, I just said you’re the mechanic. That’s your job to figure out. I’m only here for the brilliant ideas and moral support.”

“Gee, thanks again, Jack.”

Their planning session started the next time Crow was out, helping Akiza with more WRGP practice. It allowed Yusei and Jack to both plan in peace, since they were planning to make this a surprise. Yusei had a few days off from his own mechanic work; he’d purposefully taken on fewer jobs to help himself prepare for the WRGP, which also gave him more time for this new project.

”It needs all the same functions as our regular duel disks,” Yusei said. “Calculate life points, card holograms, all the card slots, connect to other duel disks, deck shuffling, card text reader...” He reached into the bag sitting next ro him and began pulling out parts. “I’ve already gotten some parts for that. I keep a lot of this around already for our duel runners, especially now because of the WRGP. Even if I’m missing something, it shouldn’t be hard to track down. I’m more concerned about the rest of the design at the moment.”

”Well, someone came prepared,” Jack commented.

”You’re damn right.”

All three of them had grown up living from junk and scraps. Even now, Yusei tended to hoard spare parts for just about anything he might need.

Jack grabbed his duel disk and activated it. He may not know how to even begin to build something like they were planning, but if there was one thing he knew, it was how to duel. He drew a few cards from his deck. “Usually you need one hand to hold your current hand, and the other hand to draw and place cards on the field. But right now we don’t have that luxury for Crow.”

”We need to eliminate one of those from the equation.”

”You can’t hold your hand in turbo dueling, either,” Jack pointed out. “Duel runners have holders for that built in. Maybe we could do something like that.”

”Yeah, yeah...you’re right. Something like that should work. But he can’t place cards with the same arm the duel disk is on, either. I still agree about the card holder, but I’m also thinking his duel disk shouldn’t go on his arm, either...”

The two of them kept throwing ideas at each other, taking some, throwing out others, and changing things along the way. Jack and Yusei quickly lost track of time, but partway into their planning, Yusei pulled out some paper and a pencil and began sketching out a design. Not that Yusei was any sort of artist. He never would claim that. But sketching designs was very necessary in his line of work. The sketches were rough, but showed the design from different angles, along with rough measurements. By the time Crow came back home, a final design was agreed on, and was also hidden away. Both Yusei and Jack’s mouths were shut.

Work began soon after.

Yusei was very careful not to let Crow see what he was up to, or what he was working on. Most of the tine Crow didn’t know he was doing anything at all. Jack even pitched in where he could, keeping his own involvement a secret. Both were determined to make this project the best possible for their other third.

And then, it was finished.

“I think you guys are all in pretty good shape for your next duel.” Crow took a sip from his mug of hot tea. “Your new strategies for the change in team are looking pretty solid. You’re all great duelists. The other teams should watch out.”

”As they should,” Jack responded. “Everyone ought to know to fear the King.”

”Don’t forget, there’s two Kings on this team,” Yusei reminded Jack. “That means we should require double the respect.”

”Of course, but don’t forget, I was the King first!”

Yusei ignored him. “Hey, Crow, come with me for a second. I need your help with something.”

”Me?” Crow frowned. “If I can really help you out, sure, whatever you need.”

”So I’m just chopped liver to you both, am I?” When Jack’s question was once again ignored, he tailed after them both.

Yusei took Jack and Crow over near where the trio kept their duel runners. Yusei kept a small work area there for duel runner maintenance, though duel runners were far from his mind at the moment. There was another project waiting there, much smaller than their motorcycles, which Yusei picked up and held out to Crow. “Of course you can help,” Yusei told him. “You’re the only person who can. Hold onto this for me.”

”Uh, okay then.” Crow did as Yusei asked. What he held in his hand now didn’t look like much. It was like someone had taken a duel disk and flattened it. Not that it was completely flat, but it was definitely more compact. “What is this, anyway?”

”You’ll see.” Yusei stepped behind Crow. “Just move your hand...here.” He wrapped one of his hands around Crow’s as he guided it a bit closer towards Crow’s body. “There should be a button near your thumb. Press that.”

Crow pushed the button.

A regular duel disk would wrap itself around a duelist’s wrist. This one wrapped itself around Crow’s waist. The duel disk’s field stretched out in front of him. The whole thing was designed to be as study as possible without weighing too much. It was also designed, objectively speaking, to look cool as fuck. It went along with the aesthetic of Crow’s helmet and duel runner; it was painted in dark colors and looked almost like the duel disk had sprouted wings.

“Holy shit!” Crow stared down at the duel disk. “What is this? This looks so fucking cool!”

”We made you a special duel disk,” Yusei told him, smiling. “It does everything you would normally be able to do in a duel, but it lets you duel one-handed. There’s a card holder here so you don’t need to hold onto your hand, the deck and graveyard slots over here are easily accessible with either hand...” Yusei started pointing out all the key features of the device, explaining to Crow not only how to use it, but also that he could.

”You guys made this? This is... Wow.” Crow laughed. He’d barely laughed at all since his arm had been broken. In that moment, no sound could top Crow’s laughter to Jack and Yusei. “I can’t believe this. Thank you.”

”It was no problem at all, we were happy to do it,” Yusei said. “No one should be able to take away your ability to duel. Now, no one will be able to.”

Crow laughed again. “You keep saying ‘we’, but I’m not sure I can believe that. Last I checked, Jack’s not a mechanic.”

”Excuse me?? I did a lot to help make this duel disk!” Jack fumed. “Implying anything else is an insult!”

”To Jack’s credit, he was extremely helpful throughout the whole process,” Yusei added. “Not just with holding things in place for me, either. He helped a lot with the design. In fact, this was all his idea in the first place.”

”That might be a little too much credit, as hard as it is to admit. You were the one who wanted to do something for Crow, you brought it up first. All I did was think of something we could do for him.” Jack looked away from both Yusei and Crow. “We can share credit for the original idea.”

Crow reached out to grab Jack by the shoulder. “All jokes aside, Jack, thank you. Really. It means a lot to me that you wanted to help me duel again before my arm healed. It means a lot that you both did. I can’t thank you both enough.”

”A duel would be a good start.” Jack grinned. “It’s been too long since the three of us dueled together.”

⁂

~DELETED SCENE~

“I can’t believe somebody actually sabotaged another team like that.”

Olivia, Morgan, and Julia looked down from the stands as Team 5D’s prepared for their practice time. Team Cruel Squad would be up to practice soon, so they were waiting. Might as well watch this team practice while they did, in case they were ever up against them in this tournament.

“I know. It’s cruel, taking a duelist’s ability to duel away.”

“I guess so.” Olivia looked up from her phone. “God, I wish that was me. Taken out of the tournament. I’m only here because that bitch Pegasus told me to compete from beyond the grave.” It helped that Olivia was able to compete with her favorite dumbass and bastard too, though.

“We’re so fucking haunted.” Morgan laughed. “It’s almost as bad as Saggi.” This comment was followed by an ominous honk in the distance.

“Don’t say that. Nothing’s as bad as Saggi.”

“But whatever. This is so cool!” they went on. “Cruel Squad teaming up in a tournament like this, we’re gonna kick ass! No one stands a chance against my Aromages.”

“If they try, I’ll fucking drown them,” Julia added. They grinned. “This siren’s gonna lead people to their death.”

“Even if I end up having to duel for some reason, I’ve got a bunch of cards that make Team Cruel Squad just automatically win,” Olivia said. “I don’t know if we could lose if we tried.”

“We’re gonna crush them!” Morgan declared.

“They’ll be squashed like the bugs they are!” Julia yelled.

“They don’t have a choice in the matter, but I’m glad you two are excited.”

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 8 Confessionals

This is long overdue but I've been busy because my brother got married woooo! Okay so FINALLY WE MERGED! Jordan and I survived the hell tribe and we made it here. We had to lose Jay which absolutely sucks, I feel terrible for voting him out but I did what I think was the right thing. The biggest piece of news is that I was literally on the merge tribe for like 10 minutes and ended up FINDING THE IMMUNITY IDOL!! I WAS SO SHOCKED I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!! I haven't told anybody about it but I might....MIGHT....tell Jordan about it to show that I do trust him after wavering so much on my decision about potentially voting him out. We have an auction coming up, I hope I get something really cool from it! Bryce told me that he was the one that gave me the idol but Zach told me that he was the one that pushed for him to give it to me so I'm thankful to the both of them for that. I think I could get good with Carson, Zach, Bryce and Charlotte. Katie and I have bonded over our love of true crime, she's super nice and her connection to Jordan Pines is incredibly strong so we can do this. I believe that Copa isn't dead just yet. 

finally got into an alliance with charlotte and chris

i bid well at the auction and got a nifty apple that lets me sit out for a round #blessed

Finding out someone I want to work with is an Amy Schumer fan.... maybe shouldn't work with them :/. Jk!! But am I even DKSFJSD

zack just sent me this message "and im in kuang si (it’s a main season, if you know what those are) asdjfk" I dont know how to respond to that

Merge sweet merge! Okay so I'm officiallly in an alliance with Katie and Charlotte. We're the Senior Citizens. Katie is playing up to Jordan that she doesn't have any allies in hopes of him telling her any potential people from Ulta who might flip. Meanwhile I have to PUBLICLY pick 3 people to go to the wishing well with me. Obviously taking the Senior Citizens, but I then decided on Bryce because he was the only person not mention by Jordan as someone he thinks he's working with. Immunity just happened and as of right now I feel content with my score but some people are insane and will destroy me. I really hope I win because I feel like I'll get cut as soon as the opportunity arises.

me two days ago: I should probably try to be less hostile towards JP. me today: DISADVANTAGE GOES TO JP. i'd say i'm sorry but that would be a lie.

am i up to date on confessionals 

hope i dont go home probably should have used my advantage 

We merged!!! and im stressed as hell. i have NO idea what im doing. chris won this wishing well thing in the auction and took katie, charlotte, and bryce. so it set off alarms to me and zach so we're working on the me/willow/zach thing we were planning on before, we just have mroe of a reason now. the plan is: vote jordan pines this first round (even though hes trying to talk strategy with me and if eel bad bc i told charlotte to use the disadvantage on him) recruit luke and katie and vote chris out at final 8 and thats our plan so far bc... its hard to plan things in survivor! yeah i have no idea i hate the merge especialyl when i know where NO ONE sits

Whose got two thumbs and flopped at immunity? THIS GUY. But it's all good. We have two clear outsiders in the form of luke and Jordan. I feel bad because I genuinely like luke. I'm hoping we can get rid of Jordan and then I can swoop up precious baby luke to use him to get some of the ulta's I'm not close with out. For now, me, Katie, Carson, and charlotte are going for Jordan unless something drastic happens. 

I'm tired and I've been essentially goating myself this game yikes 

So at this point, it's the morning of the first merge tribal. Exciting? Yes! Nerve-wracking? Yes! Willow won immunity. I lowkey was going to force a tie because I know any intellectual could get 5 at most (Willow's smart, so I just expected it) then her comp adv. of -2 would ensure her a win since 3 is theoretically impossible. SHE GOT TWO! Good on her though! I overall chose not to snatch her score because I felt really bad, and it was with someone whom I potentially was going to work it or would work with. Speaking of, Willow, Carson and I formed a trio alliance. We both comprehend that the two Copa need to go soon. I think it'll be Jordan Pines this vote. However, a) I don't want Luke to go JUST yet, as we can utilize him, and b) the votes might flip and ADIOS me! I also have worrying speculation of an alliance including the newbies. This is purely because of whom Chris decided to take on his little... trip to the wishing well. It's just a little suspicious, considering Carson admitted to me he talks to Chris relatively every other day, so it was shocking. Nonetheless, it's a game decision, doesn't matter much.. My game plan from this point forward is to just try to be fairly more social. I've been talking to Chris and Katie a lil more. I'm on relatively good terms with Luke. Carson and I are best buddies. Willow is a LEGEND! - then we have Bryce, a king who I don't talk to much but is iconic. Charlotte, a literal icon. Jordan Pines! (that name along speaks for itself). It's going, I guess. We'll see ^-^

So I finally found the wishing well thing and I completed my task yay!! I can now see who votes who for one tribal but idk when im gonna use it tbh. I think I'll tell carson about it b/c hes my number 1. But for this vote i'm hoping itll be easy and be one of jordan/luke just gotta talk to the other ulta people.

Okay so I think its just gonna be the easy vote of Jordan? Hope its not too easy and im not too complacent

Here's the thing. Anyone who has ever played with me before, or knows me, knows that I pretty much play the same game. I stick with my alliance and only turn on them when I need to ... I'm not one for cannibalizing the alliance too early. But ... I'm bored. Everyone's quiet, no one's exciting me, and I really just want to watch the world burn. Do I like Jordan? Eh. Will he make the season more exciting? Absolutely. If I can convince Katie and Carson, or maybe Zach, to vote for Jordan ... the game will flip upside down.  I'm here for a little Chaos. 

is Jordan gonna die tonight? the answer probs wont surprise you as YES. AHHHHH. IM GOING HOME FUCK FUCK FUCK ME, FUCK YOU RYAN TEDDY PALMER. I am trying to save myself but i may be all out of lives.

I'm watching Shookstralian Survivor and writing a confessional, I hear this episode is iconic so I'm preparing! Michelle is winning btw! Okay so back to Cordillera Blanca...I didn't win immunity...Jordan didn't win immunity which means that both of us are vulnerable at tribal and one of us could potentially be going home tonight which is worst case scenario. As of now I think the votes are going to Jordan and I would be open to playing my idol on him but I would need to be 100% certain that I'm not getting votes because I DO NOT want to idol myself out. If I lose Jordan this round I do still have my Golden Monkey Idol to fall back on at the next tribal council so hopefully that work out in my favour. Right now Jordan and I are trying to pull in Charlotte, Katie and Zach to make a majority of 5 so that we can take over this tribe. Stay tuned...;) 

Did Jordan just save himself? MAYBE?????? If all goes according to plan,  me zach luke, charlotte and carson will vote for chris and blindside him 5-4. So #letsnotkilljordanpines

Omg so I have a randomized vote this round which really sucks but I sent in a fake vote so if people ask I can hopefully trick them also I'm shook I won immunity with4 guesses

So... charlotte wants to flip and zach does too which.. i gues?? djksd we with jordan andl uke.. a VERY tight duo pretty much, and its gonna be hard to break that, so we cant let them get far. but getting chris out right now?? idk if its right. im still a bit bitter over him not taking me to the wishing well [3:59:22 PM] Jordan Pines: same here <3 [4:00:34 PM] carson: (y) if i hear anything i tell u but just know I'm down with u lukle charlotte and zach [4:00:46 PM] Jordan Pines: same here <3 also jordan sent the same message to me twice which.. kinda shady but like i hope its not anything bad?? if he rats us out i dont think im the biggest target but like.. ya never know in this game. also idk if my social game is good bad or whatever, buti m hoping its good and it can propel me to a victory?? zach keeps saying hes my lapdog andj ust.. uh i dont want that i want to be equal allies. whatevs?? idk. also willow's vote is apparently randomized from what zach said and charrlote found where the iodl was hidden but it waas found so someone else has it... so idk. IDK i feel like flipping on the entire tribe and doing 5-4 the first vote is soooo risky. im thinking that me/zach can tell willow we're voting chris even though her vote is randomzied so she cant rlly do anything?? she doesnt talk  a lot of strategy because she takes awhile to respond but she's cool and id definitely say i trust her more than most people here. like bryce, i cant read him or chris. katie's cool but i feel like shes a bit fake to me like saying how much she trusts me when we dont talk that much?? and charlotte/jordan/luke just give weird vibes idk. only person i trust 100% is zach ig uess because we talk 24/7 and hes cool. hope this vote can go as planned, and im still kinda having cold feet, but like... i dont wanna lose jury votes so i either commit or go home.

hi can i have an episode title i came up with someone very clever here it goes: Why are all my tribe mates children like hey whats up welcome to lord of the fucking flies.

So this vote for the longest time was going to be Jordan. I was going to stick with it, but knowing me, I don't like boring games and it'd be predictable to do that. Charlotte came to me about voting out Chris. Not that directly, I guess, but mentioned flipping. I was down for it, but I wanted to talk to Carson. LUCKILY, she wanted to include Carson to, so we made an alliance ^-^ I believe right now the vote is sailing for Chris. I feel bad but it's the game, and you gotta do what you gotta do. No hard feelings. The game is tough. WHY DO I PUT MYSELF THROUGH THIS ALL THE TIME ARGHGH

[mydarlingdumbdiary]

June 26th, 2017

11:54pm 

I really really really don’t feel like writing, but I have to because that’s the only way I’m going to force myself back into this again. I was actually doing a pretty good job with it for awhile and then of course I fell out of it. The last post was all nice and optimistic too damn. I mean lots of good things have happened since then, but a lot of not-so good things have too and just whenever I think about it I feel like I need to like update this on it but that’s so overwhelming bc I can’t write about EVERYTHING I’ve been feeling in the past month and a half that’s insane. I can’t update my future self on all that. I’m pretty sure I’m gonna remember graduation weekend either way and after I got home I really didn’t feel like rehashing it all onto the internet and then when I got better I really didn’t feel like dwelling on it but now that I’m not getting worse, but slipping? That sounds too dramatic. Falling back into unhealthy habits? Sure, routines? Just overall not taking caring of myself so much (or really at all) and that can become bad fast, so I’m trying to intervene now before it gets too bad where I can’t summon the energy to do anything. So, we’re gonna make sure I don’t reach that point. I’m calling a therapist tomorrow, so hey at least that’s a start. I guess she specializes or at least has a good understanding of dissociation and also covers depression/anxiety (but honestly pretty every therapist covers those I mean they are basics). I hope I like her bc this whole process of researching therapists is honestly so exhausting. Just thinking about is exhausting. So we’ll see. Hopefully she’s good and we get along and it feels natural and comfortable talking to her and then maybe she can hook me up w/ some of those drugs or at least get me to a place where I feel like I don’t need them. Or I don’t know, try them out and see if they work? They’re so expensive and there’s so many different kinds and some of them really mess with your health and stuff and again. Exhausting. This entire process is exhausting. But it’ll get easier and this is probs the hardest part. Getting started and all that. Dumb. 

Butttttttt I did finally clean my room. It still needs a teensy bit more work (mostly the boxes on the walls and sorting out all the donations), but everything else is done! We’re talking cleaned off dressers, redecorated walls, organized shelves, cleaned out closet, the wall shebang. My shoes are in my closet now even. Honestly (will I ever stop using that word in every sentence tbh probs not), but honestly it feels so nice. SO NICE. It feels clean and organized and I don’t lose my freaking mind every time I see a box or trip over something anymore. It’ll feel even better once I have all the donations sorted and gotten rid of and re-do the wall boxes. It just feels cleaned out and like purged I guess? There was so much shit in here I didn’t need, especially from fucking lifetimes ago and I just needed a new clean slate. I needed to not feel so fucking weighted down by my own belongings. Most of it didn’t even feel like my stuff, it was just shit I felt that I should be attached to or keep for some fucking reason and I didn’t need it or even really want it. And even some of the stuff I did have sentimental memories attached to, it felt really good to get rid of it. Because those parts of my life are over and I need a blank slate. I need everything in my room to represent who I am right now. Not who I was ten years ago or in high school or even fucking college. What’s important is what I want to surround myself with right at this moment. What’s gonna inspire me to be my best self. God, this all sounds so fucking cliche and dumb, but whatever I mean it. I don’t need to feel weighted down anymore. I need to surround myself with things that make me happy. 

Also! I started a collage journal tonight and so far I am very big fan of it. I used my old journal from AP English when we had to take notes on the bible (yeah, remember that?), but I covered it w/ pictures so you can’t even tell! It just looks like a (mostly) new notebook and inside I glued stuff from magazines and drew little doodles and put in some words and quotes too. I’m really excited for it. I think I’m gonna get better and better at it and it’ll be cool to look back on the first couple ones I started off with.

Okay, so plan for tomorrow:

1. Call therapist 

2. Parks & Rec application (it would be so fucking rad if I got that job, hello future? It’s me, yes I’ll hold.)

3. Write! Just oh my fucking god it’s so easy and you just need to force yourself to do it and write literally anything that comes into your head. It doesn’t have to sound good or detail every single thought inside your head or thing you have done, it just needs to be something. Honestly, anything. Write “tbh I don’t fucking care about anything” 80 million times in a row cool you know what some people might think that’s poetry who fucking knows anymore. 

Alright, that’s probs it for me tonight. I’m not even gonna read over this, I’m just gonna go to sleep now. I might go to the beach with Celine tomorrow? We’ll see, but regardless I am most definitely calling that therapist and writing something at some point. That’s all that matters. Those two things, the application can wait, though it is due Friday so I have to take care of it soon. 

Also, I should probs call Staircase about my tattoo bc I want to get that ASAP. I need any source of motivation I can get at this point and it would be super convenient and nice if that motivation was inked into my skin for the rest of my life. Plus, I just love it so much and I need to on my skin right now.