#I am trying not to be a d!ck but it’s so hard when people say the most stupidest things

[animationismycomfort]

when your trying so hard not to choose violence cause you know logically it’s not their fault you landed on their sh-tty post

but LOOORD the comments/reblogs aren’t making it any better

[secretress]

❝𝐏𝐀𝐂: “𝐈 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐠𝐨 𝐨𝐟 𝐚𝐥𝐥 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐝𝐢𝐝𝐧’𝐭 𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐛𝐞𝐜𝐚𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥 𝐦𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐈 𝐨𝐧𝐜𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐭.”❞

What do you need to let go? 🍃

YouTube | Masterlist | Tips | Paid Readings

—18+ readings

Not a tarot card reading, only based on my intuition.

Divider

Pile 1:

Yourself.

Why do you need to let go of yourself? What made you come to this decision? Is it because you do not love yourself? Are you insecure of yourself? Do you assume that people will find you more attractive if you were social? What made you come to the decision, honestly.

Honestly, I don’t know why you would be insecure of yourself. I don’t know why you don’t even like yourself. The energy I feel about you is fantastic. I would love to be your friend. You have this type of energy where you include everyone but at the same time, you take care of yourself. That is a worthy quality, that does not make you selfish, and it certainly as heck does not make you rude or cruel.

Some of you have people in your life who called you a d//ck because you didn’t want to do something that they ask for. You’re not one, and you certainly deserve to be selfish. We are human beings. We have emotions, and we must take care of ourselves before others or else we will crumble into pieces and let ourselves drown.

I want you to let go of the things that do not define you; I want you to let go of the negativity people have associated you with that is not true. And I truly want you to understand that everyone is completely different, no one is the same, and you must cut off people who have said things like that, and expected things from you.

I hear that some of you might have been people pleasers because of trauma that happened during your childhood with a family member, especially a parent. I see an imagery of a young child, who is doing something they truly love, they’re drawing with crayons on a piece of paper, and though it doesn’t look the best, they decided to show their parent. But their parent reaction wasn’t what the child expected and the parent was harsh towards them, so the child felt like they weren’t worth it and their piece of work is pathetic. The child is running back into their room and I see ripped up pieces of paper of their artwork on the ground and I see them their face buried in their arms on the desk. They think about what the parents said to them and their energy is hurting, but they don’t cry.

My intuition says that this is basically how you feel, but this is also your inner child. Intuition tells me that you must heal your inner child. You must do the things that you like when you were a child before the stigma of people’s expectations attacked you. If you are able to divert what they have said to and about you that hurt your feelings and if you’re able to exchange that negativity into positivity, then you will endless opportunities for yourself and be able to heal your inner child and yourself in the process.

Pile 2:

Your job.

You need to let go of the job that you are currently working with because it is draining you. I feel such stressful energy coming from this pile. I can see that you’re working incredibly hard at this job but it’s not taking you anywhere, it is not growing you as a person. I see an imagery of you, typing very fast on a computer as it’s very dark outside with a blue hue (4-5 am), very stressed out, and trying to get the deadline.

One thing my intuition is telling me is that these people don’t even care about you. They want you to work and that is how they get paid. Also my intuition says, “you already have the idea of what you want to have as your occupation. You have these dreams and these aspirations that you want to take forth with, but you do not, out of fear. The fear that we have is something that we should not let it control us, it should not be a reminder to us that we cannot do something, it should be there so we can become more determined to fulfill our dreams and aspirations. You already know that you can do this, there is no need for you to worry and stress out so much.”

I hear from my intuition that you should not quit your job right now however, you should take into consideration that this is not what you want to do. Because you know what you want to do and I can feel that you know as well. You also have this vision, idea, and visualization of what you want to do—keep at it and I kid you not, you will have what you desire and you’ll have to work that draining job anymore.

Pile 3:

Your mom.

I’m hearing that this pile has a narcissistic mother and the person who is reading this has this feeling to forgive. I can feel that your mother makes you feel guilty for leaving her behind, not talking to her, and mostly, manipulating you into thinking she’s a good mother. She is not. The energy I’m feeling is making me anxious, it’s something that no one deserves and it is awful. The energy I channeled is how you feel with her.

My intuition says, “this is your mother, yes, however she is not an actual mother figure of yours. You have a family member in your life that you see as a mother, you have always seen them as a mother, even as a child when you think of questions associate with a mother, or you think of mothers, in general, you always think about this person. This person is good. This person has great energy. This person is very loving and they love you very much. Don’t go back to your mother, the toxicity that she has around you is.. it feels like drowning. She believes that she is the most important person in the whole world, that your feelings are irrelevant, that everything that you have done well is because of her, but not because of yourself. That is not true. All the good things that you have done is because of you, remember that.”

I hear some of you lost your father at a young age, and with your mother, it has gone worse because of that. I hear that she blames you for his death, even though it is not your fault. I also feel this sensation that you always have to take care of her even as a child. You were the mother figure for her, when she should have been your mother—now you have this tendency to take care of other people when it’s not necessary, not like people pleaser, but more as in like I will give you so much but I don’t expect anything at all because I don’t deserve it; it is not true at all. The way I see it, and the way that I see it, your energy is beautiful. I can see that you deserve so much more so you must stop prioritizing other people and your mother and you need to let go of them both and work on yourself.

[lilmisssona]

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋 23 Reasons, Why I Love You 𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

Pairing: Idol Bf! I.N × Fem! Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 5.4k+

Warnings and Tags: SMAU, Cursing, Established Relationship, mentions of cheating, basically INNIE'S being a d*ck here, angsty beginning, fluffy at the end.

A/N: My first one ahhh, it's my birthday gift for our maknae on top! It's a bit long so buckle up and Enjoy! ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

Reuse And Translation Not Allowed 🙅‍♀️🚫

✮⋆˙Main Masterlist ✮⋆˙

Four Days. It has been four days, since you last saw Jeongin, your boyfriend. Normally the day gap wouldn't bother you, as you were accustomed to the feeling of being alone.

Your boyfriend being an idol, would leave for days for concerts and interviews; sometimes even weeks...

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

But this time its different. This time it was because of an argument. A stupid one at that. Over minimal things, over both of your assumptions.

And you've been fighting your urge everyday to not go knocking at his room and slapping some sense into him. After all it wasn't your fault anyways...

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

"Babe, I was only trying to help," You argued. "Really YN ?" " I don't think you are" Jeongin paused before muttering...

" I don't want YOU out of all people to be pitying me "

"Is it that hard to go to a therapist Innie ?"

You softly cooed at him, looking up to his familiar doe eyes...But only an unfamiliar icy cold look stared back at you.

"If not, then let me take care of you, how does a warm bubble bath and some massages sound? ''

You gave his hand a reassuring squeeze and smiled. He flinched and withdrew his hand from yours.

" WHY THE FUCK DO YOU ALL TREAT ME LIKE A BABY ??? " He screamed.

" I'm not a baby anymore! I can take care of myself "

"Why are you..." He broke down, hot tears streaming down his face....

" Why are all of you telling me to do this, do that! I am fucking tired of it !!"

"Channie told me what's going on..."

" You don't sleep much nowadays, are always zoning out in practice and only come out of your bed to eat when the members call to you "

" You know you can always talk to me Innie ''

Your eyes are blurry now because of the tears so you looked down at the floor.

" So this is all a plot you made, so that you can get rid of me. " He glared at you.

" What ?? " You stared back at him, shocked.

" What does going to a therapist and taking care of yourself, have to do anything with me getting rid of you"

" And why would I do that!!!"

"Don't lie to me yn, I know you've been crushing on my best friend, Heesung, since a long time"

" I've seen the texts " He smirked.

" What The Fuck Jeongin ??" You spat back, glaring at him with tears in your eyes.

" What made you even think that I'm cheating on you ?"

"Idk" " You met him behind my back at the cafe last week."

"And you also said, don't tell Jeongin,"

" I watched you get all giggly with him"

"Oh... " You chuckled, relief washed all over you as you realised what's going on.

" You're completely mis reading the situation babe, it's not what it looks like "

" They always say that..." He muttered, clenching his teeth..

" Is that why you've been ignoring all my texts since the last week ?" You asked him calmly.

"You know what leave me actually"

"It'll do us both something good"

" You can finally get the peace you want."

You gasped, his words hitting you like a dagger in your chest.

" Do you even know what you're saying Jeongin ?" You screamed at him.

" Do you know why I met him ? No, right ? "

"Then how can you even assume I cheated on you "

" I don't know YN, it just doesn't seem right"

" I know I haven't been able to give you much time as I've been stressed out recently due to the upcoming comeback"

" I am dead tired inside and you.... " His voice is hoarse from all the crying..

" If you're happier with him, then I guess.."

"Jeongin...if that's what you think of me...I don't think..." You trailed off

" I should leave, I don't think I can do this anymore"

You watched him leave, closing the door behind him, a little too harshly.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

The sound of the oven beeping, made you snap out of your thoughts. You looked around, and lazily got up from your couch to the kitchen.

Taking out the reheated pizza and putting it on a plate, you aimlessly scrolled through channels until you found one, a boring sitcom. You looked at the screen mindlessly and munched on your pizza.

You were half an hour into the plot when a notification popped up on your phone screen.

Picking it up you checked, it was an event reminder...

Reminder: INNIE'S Birthday 🎂 8th Feb

You threw your phone to the other end of the couch in frustration. You buried your head in your hands as fresh tears streamed down your face.

Oh how excited you were, to plan his first birthday. It was also your first anniversary with him. As this was the day, 8 Feb, one year ago, that you met him, in a cafe....

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

You two hit it off immediately, talking till hours until the cafe owners kicked you out. After a few weeks of dating, he asked you out officially to be his girlfriend.

You finally thought you found the one, he's the most amazing human being and the sweetest boyfriend.

Sure, it hasn't always been pink skies and rosy days, you have had your differences. He was away most of the time. But you understood...

You understood how difficult it is the manage the idol life as it is, let alone having a hidden relationship at that.

Because the moments you two shared together, melted all your loneliness and worries away. But now everything has changed.

The once familiar face of your smiley boy now gave an unfamiliar, immense pain in your chest.

What have you even done wrong, anyways ? You were planning a surprise party for him.

You wanted everything to be perfect. So you were taking tips from Heesung on which dishes he misses the most from his hometown.

Not that you don't know. But you wanted to make sure its to his liking. And also you wanted to invite Heesung to Jeongin's birthday.

It was going to be a surprise one, so you wanted Heesung to distract him anyhow, from going to your home that day.

At Least until 5:30 as you'll have everything ready by that time.... But he thought you...were...cheating on him. Oh how could he even think of that ?

" Don't lie to me yn, I know you've been crushing on my best friend, Heesung, since a long time."

" You know what leave me actually" "It'll do us both something good "

" Crushing on Heesung ?" "Since when did he think that I am crushing on his best friend ?"

You muttered to yourself.

Heesung is nothing but like an older brother to you and an amazing friend. Nothing more. Nothing less.

Another notification popped up on your phone. You got up again from your seat, to pick up your phone that you threw away at the other end of the couch. It was a text from Chan.

You read the messages but decided to not reply to them. It's been 4 days since the fight. And your pride will always get in the way to even bother to message him. After all it wasn't your fault he assumed such shitty things about you.

Still, your heart was not made of steel. There was still a soft spot behind it that was missing him, your boyfriend. So reluctantly, you picked up the phone again and replied to the message.

Grabbing your coat from the hanger, you stepped out of the house around 7:45. The breeze outside chilled you to the bones.

So you tucked your hands inside your coat pockets. You missed the warmth of your boyfriend's hands.... Sighing, you put your head down and walked through the path to the cafe....

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

A familiar scent of freshly ground coffee beans greeted you as you opened the door of the cafe.

Chan was already waiting at the corner table and waved at you when he saw you walking through the door.

"You're here!"

"Sorry to make you wait." you smiled at him.

"I've already ordered your usuals, they should be here soon" He nervously smiled.

"Thank you Channie '' You replied, shifting your gaze suddenly to look at a couple on the right of your table.

Reading your expressions, Chan cleared his throat and spoke " So, umm, about Jeongin.."

" Right, how's he ? " You nervously replied as you fidgeted with your hands.

"Not good, '' Chan replied.

" He still doesn't talk to us or reply to our messages, let alone come out of the room"

You sighed, taking a sip from your cup of coffee

"We had an argument"

" Four days ago... " you replied to Chan, who nodded in understanding.

"He thought I was cheating on him..."

"What ?" " How could that boy even think of that..." He huffed in annoyance.

"I was planning his birthday party with Heesung"

" So I met him at another cafe a few times and discussed the surprise plan"

" Apparently he followed me one day and saw that I was laughing and talking with Heesung"

" And that idiot assumed the worst ?" He sighed and touched his temples.

"Seriously, I really have to talk some sense into him..."

" There's no point anyways..." You took a deep breath to calm yourself.

" He has changed..."

"No he's not,"

" I know him since long enough, so I know he's not changed..."

And Chan indeed knew him long enough to know that he's sulking, regretting all his life decisions...

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

Jeongin was tossing and turning in bed. Not a blink of sleep in his eyes. He felt frustrated, angry even.

How the heck can he even accuse his girlfriend of such a thing. She has been nothing but a wonderful girlfriend to him all year.

She was his sunshine and he was her smiley boy. How could he even think that Heesung and you were cheating behind his back ?

He muffled his screams into the pillow as tears streamed down his face.

He confronted Heesung that same day... Heesung was shocked, explaining to his friend, they had been meeting for a surprise party planned for him.

He was too ashamed to go back to your house now. Too ashamed to tell the members that he fucked up.

So he found his escape behind the closed doors of his dorm room. And that's where he's been camping, since the past three days....

He regrets everyday the things he told you that day. He was really stressed since the past weeks for the upcoming comeback.

He was so exhausted to the point of slacking in practices. The routine was killing him mentally and physically.

He was depressed, maybe...he thought. However, that didn't give him the right to lash out at you.

But when he saw your texts last week with Heesung with the code word - " Don't Tell Jeongin 🤫''

He was hurt, shocked even. Something in his mind told him to follow you and so he did... He watched you get all giggly with Heesung.

"Why do these two look so good together? ''

He angrily muttered to himself. He couldn't take it anymore. He left the scene, heartbroken…

Since that day he's just sleeping and practising everyday. He didn't even want to eat but when the members called for him collectively, he just sighed and came downstairs and ate.

When he finally got an off day to came home, he immediately packed his stuff and left for your house.

Seeing you coax him for a therapist snapped something in him as the next thing you know, he was spitting fire at you with his harsh words.

Oh how he thought you were cheating and even thinking of breaking up with you.

He left the scene before you can tell him what happened....

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

" How about you two talk it out with each other, tomorrow before midnight strikes ?" Chan asked.

" What do you mean ?" You curiously replied.

" I mean I'll slap that idiot out of bed and talk some sense into him"

" Then you two can meet at a designated place, and can talk it out wholeheartedly ?"

He let out a nervous chuckle, unsure of what you'll reply.

" That's not a bad idea, actually, but the pain is still there Channie, '' You sheepishly smiled at him.

" I don't think I can handle another argument, if it comes to that..." You buried your face in your hands.

" I thought he was the love of my life, but now...I don't know anymore... "

" Hey, hey, its ok YN if you don't wanna do this '' Chan reassured you.

'' But remember it's 27 hours to strike midnight 8 Feb."

" And I don't want to get your first birthday as well as your first anniversary with him to get ruined."

" But if you don't want to do anything I'll understand and make him understand too "

" Because at the end, it's up to you to, as you're not the one in the fault.."

You sat back and pondered a little over your thoughts. Talking out your differences is actually a very great idea, as you two can decide whether or not it's good to stay together again.

But the hiccups of something bad happening plagued your mind again and you massage your temples in frustration

" You know what Channie ?"

" Mhm ?" Chan replied.

" I'll let you know by tomorrow morning ?"

" That sounds good " Chan beamed as he packed his stuff from the table.

" Leaving already ?" You asked.

" Yes I have to prepare something for tomorrow.."

" What do you mean ?" You asked in confusion.

'' You'll know if you say yes " He smiled as you two waved each other goodbyes....

Hurriedly, you stepped foot into the house. The bitter cold biting your bones and everything underneath.

You immediately turned on the heater and removed your coat. You sat back on your couch and took a deep breath.

" Is it really worth to talk about it ?" You muttered to yourself.

" He was the best I had, but after what happened 4 days ago..."

" I don't know....uggggh!!"

You cried out in frustration wondering if you can face him again.

" But like Channie said, it doesn't hurt to get closure..." You thought.

" We can talk out our differences and if he still stays the same..."

" I will..." " Leave him" You shivered at the thought.

Thinking of the worst, yet still determined to get closure, you picked up your phone and messaged Chan.

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

" Hyung it's 6 in the morning, let me fucking sleep! Stop knocking please!!!" Jeongin screamed as he heard continuous knocks and kicks at his door.

" Not until you come out!" Chan screamed.

" I'll keep kicking the door Jeongin!! ''

Chan never called his sweet maknae by his name. It was always Innie or something sweet. So when Jeongin heard his name, he knew it was serious.

"Fine! If you don't open the door, you might lose your only chance to see yn again.." Chan screamed.

Hearing those words, something stirred in him and he hurriedly opened the door....Chan was shocked to see his condition. His hair was dishevelled, there were bags under his eyes as if he hadn't slept for days...he looked so weak, so tired.

" Oh My God..." Chan gasped as if he just saw a ghost. " Innie...I..my god"

" I know I look like shit Hyung '' Jeongin huffed.

Tears suddenly started brimming his eyes, as he looked down at the floor.

" I fucked up hyung " "I..I...lost yn, my love..." He cried.

" Hey it might not be so late, she still hasn't left Seoul yet..."

" Her flight to go back to her hometown, tonight is at 9:30 pm"

" We still have a lot of time to make it up to her" Chan reassured Jeongin.

" Hyung, I don't think...she will take me back" Jeongin spoke in between his sobs.

"Tell me Innie, do you love her ?" Chan asked calmly.

" More than I love myself"

" She means the world to me, she's the sweetest and kindest human being and I am so so lucky to have her" Jeongin wiped his tears as he spoke.

" Then why don't you show her ?"

" Show what ?" He asked curiously.

" That how much you love her, how much she means to you and what you will do to never break her heart again"

A light bulb sparked in his head as Chan spoke to him about the plan... He nodded and agreed to everything.

" Let's get you a makeover first and some fresh clothes"

Chan spoke as he covered his nose playfully

" You kinda smell ngl"

" Shut up!" Jeongin punched Him playfully in the stomach as Chan laughed.

" So the plan's set, lets call it, 23 Reasons, Why I Love You "

"You're so cheesy Hyung " Jeongin rolled his eyes.

" Hey someone has to be the romantic one here " Chan chuckled.

" You're right, Let's do this!"

Jeongin smiled with a newfound determination in his eyes as they both stepped out of his room to the living room.

" What, Jeongin did what ?! " Minho glared at Jeongin as he heard what happened from Chan.

" Yes my boy, you seriously fucked up " Hyunjin spoke soon after.

" I know that Hyune " Jeongin rolled his eyes.

" We came here to ask for your help not to listen to the obvious "

" What's with the attitude ?" Minho asked him in annoyance.

" Sorry, I am just so nervous, I don't want anything wrong to happen. Please hyung.... "

He pleaded to Minho, with his big doe eyes.

" Ugghh fine, Innie" Minho sighed,

" Just don't ever do this to them again "

" I promise it will never happen again."

" I will turn a new leaf "

" Then I'll bring the dishes by 5 then while its still hot."

" And I'll find some time in between the breaks to paint something before 5" Hyunjin spoke after minho.

" Right, practice..." He sighed,

" I missed out on so much for 4 days "

" Don't stress, we've convinced our manager for two more days off for you so that you can be with ynnie tomorrow and the day after..." Minho smiled reassuring him.

" Really ?" " You're a lifesaver hyung "

" Just don't think this will happen everyday " Minho snickered,

" My favours are only valid for limited hours of time"

" Understood!"

" Now go get some facials or something, you look horrible"

Jeongin gasped at Hyunjin's words.

" Ughh rude Hyune "

" What ? I spoke the truth " Hyunjin rolled his eyes.

" Fine I'm going with Channie hyung"

" Please keep the things ready before I return, I request"

" Don't worry, we got you bro! " Han replied as he arrived.

Jeongin whispered a thank you to everyone before leaving with Chan...

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

Meanwhile, you were throwing away every cloth you can find in your closet.

" Uggh, I look ugly in this " You cried.

" Nooo, this makes me feel bloated "

You were frustrated. You were trying on dresses for an hour but nothing seems to fit you.

" I don't have time for shopping " You cried to the thin air in frustration.. Just then, right on cue you heard a knock on the door. Cautiously you opened the door...

" Delivery for YN/LN ?"

" Yes that's me " you replied.

" But I didn't order anything ?..." You asked confused.

" Mr. Jeongin told me to deliver this to you "

" Ahhh, I see " You now understood what this is for. You thanked the delivery man and took your parcel back to your room.

Eagerly, you opened it and gasped.... It was a beautiful blue and white themed outfit, curated for you.

There was a beautiful blue knitted dress, a white coat, white boots and a cute blue bag. There was also a note attached to it.

'' Please let me make it up to you, one last time "

" Meet me at 5:30 there... J "

You smiled when you read his initials.

You gasped when you realised you're blushing.

" Ugh, YN'' You slapped your cheek. " Get it together, it's just a talk with him, not a date..." You sighed and stared at the box of clothes, contemplating if you should wear it..

" Fine, I'll wear it, I guess. '' You quickly wore your outfit on and did your makeup. You heard the alarm suddenly indicating its 5 now.

" Shit, I should leave now, or I'll be late"

Your uber arrived minutes after, and you reached the hotel. You took a deep breath as you stepped inside the vast doors of it.

" Hi, I am a guest of Mr. Jeongin ? Room no 23, I suppose"

You nervously spoke to the lady, at the front desk. She checked your name and your ids. After checking everything, she smiled and director you to the elevator.

Thanking her, you entered the elevator and pressed the buttons. It was on the 7th floor. As every floor passed by you, your heart beat increased. The dread of something worse happening hurts your chest so bad. You cursed yourself for overthinking so much.

The doors opened and you were greeted by a long corridor. You stepped out and walked to the end of the passage. There it was Room No. 23. You took a deep breath and opened the door....

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

It was pitch black inside, as you turned the knob and entered

" Jeongin ?" You called out to the thin air, but to no answered.

" What the hell! Am I in the wrong room ?" You muttered to yourself... Confused and somewhat scared of the dark you decided to leave when the door suddenly shut in front of you, covering you in pitch black darkness.

You panicked and tried to bang on the door when a text popped up

Innie💕 : Look behind

Still half confused, you turned around and gasped....

There was a beautiful trail laden with candles and pink roses that led to the bedroom...

You were surprised yet curious. So you followed the path...

Every step on the floor had something written -:

🌹You're the most beautiful woman in the world🌹

🌹The kindest and sweetest🌹

🌹So lucky to have you🌹

🌹So proud of your accomplishments🌹

🌹You're my best friend🌹

🌹I am so sorry🌹

And then the last one,

🌹Please give me another chance🌹

You took the last step and reached the bedroom and looked up and gasped again....

It was beautifully decorated with balloons and floral wreaths everywhere. There was a heart made with roses in the middle of the bed There was also something written in the middle of the heart, with flowers and twigs -

" I love you to the moon and back" You giggled seeing it.

"Innie ?"

You called out, but there was no one... You looked around, there was a beautiful bouquet of flowers on your left..

." Lilac and pink roses" your favourite, you thought. There was also a tray of your favourite food laid out, closed off with a transparent lid so that it stays warm.

"Mandu, Katsu rice and Jjajangmyeon ?" You giggled. There was a gorgeous painting of you on your right.

" Oh wow, thats me " you gasped.

You thought of how this was all Jeongin's plan to make it up to you. But the man of the hour was to be seen nowhere... You searched for him in the bathroom, the balcony and back to the living room. He was nowhere to be seen. You were lost in your thoughts, when suddenly you heard something....

**I never meant to break your heart, my love**

**But I stumbled down the road, just like a fool

does**

**I let my ego lead the way, oh, how it blinds**

**Now I'm left here searching for the words to

make it right...**

There he was, standing behind you, wearing a white shirt and blue trousers. His hair was brushed out nicely.

"He looked so handsome," you thought.

He played the guitar as he sang again.

**Heartfelt apologies, can't you see?**

**I'm drowning in regrets, oh, set me free**

**Let me show you, darling, let me prove**

**That my love for you is strong, and oh, so true*

You giggled and clapped as he finished his song with a bow.

" What's all this ?" You asked.

He didn't say anything, instead he held your hand and walked you from the bedroom to the bed. Confused, you tagged along... He motioned to sit on the bed as he sat himself. He then finally spoke...

" YN, I am truly so sorry for what I have done..."

" Will you please give me another chance ? I beg you "

" Jeongin, I understand that you're sorry but the words you told me that day hurt me so badly and honestly...I don't anymore"

You sniffled a little as you looked at him..

" YN, I am so sorry..."

" I don't know what came over me that day. '' He looked down as tears clouded his vision.

" The stress of the comeback burnt me out so much everyday..."

" The stress was too much to bear "

" You could've at least told me that you're suffering so much " you replied.

" Last week, when I was home and saw you giggling on the phone... I couldn't help but be curious, so as you left to shower, I went through your phone and saw the messages.."

" There it was, messages exchanged between you and Heesung, to meet that evening"

" And a - Don't tell Jeongin! at the end "

" When you told me, you're going shopping, my heart broke..."

" You were lying to me, I thought " " So I followed you and saw you there, at the cafe"

" Giggling and blushing with Heesung, my friend"

" My heart to shattered to pieces..."

" Everything I had, I was losing it..."

" I lost myself, I was lacking at work and now you..." He broke down in tears.

" Innie, I had no idea this is how you felt, I'm so sorry. "

" No, I'm the one at fault"

" I was so clouded in my head, overthinking everything and I assumed the worst..."

" I started slacking at work after that, didn't eat, didn't sleep much"

" The members were disappointed in me " And then when you told me to go see a therapist..." He spoke in between sobs...

" I don't know why, Something broke in me.." "

I thought I am a failure and everyone wanted to get rid of me..." you squeezed his hand to reassure him...

" Innie, these meetings were just for planning your surprise birthday party"

" I couldn't hold it any longer that day." " I snapped at you, telling you we should break up..." He buried his face in his hands.

" Innie please don't cry, its not your fault...I shouldn't have lied to you, I am really sorry " You replied.

" When I called Heesung that day " He continued, after wiping his tears.

" I realised I fucked up so bad"

" It was all planning for my birthday"

" I felt so ashamed of myself. I thought you will never want to see my face." You wiped his tears with your hands.

" So I hid in my dorm room and didn't get out untill today...."

" I am truly so sorry ynnie, I hope you can forgive me one day.."

"Innie " You held his hand.

" I am so sorry I have made you feel like that " He looked back at you,

" Before you leave for your flight, let me make it up to you, one last time ? "

" My flight ? " you asked confused.

" Yeah it's at 9:30 right ? Channie hyung told me"

" But I don't have any flight, I'm not going anywhere... "

" But Channie hyung...Oh "

He realised it was all a plan by his Channie hyung to get him out. He looked at you with hopeful eyes.

" So you're not going anywhere ? " he asked.

" No " you replied.

Suddenly, he hugged you tightly. You were surprised by this but melted in his arms as he held you tight. You missed this. He smelled of the familiar cologne you loved so much. It felt like bliss, like old times....You two pulled away after sometime.

" If you're not going then let me show you, How much I love you"

" Let me show you 23 Reasons why I love you "

" Why 23 " you chuckled.

He cupped your face in his hands.

" 23 is a very significant number in our relationship."

" 5:23 was the time we met on the 8th of Feb an year ago."

" It was on the 23th of March that I asked you out to be my girlfriend. We've been together since 321 days, 2 hours and 23 minutes"

" Oh my gosh, you remembered ?" You smiled.

" That's not all, I promise you that I'll be the best version of myself "

" You make me complete yn and I wouldn't have it any other way "

" You're the most kindest and beautiful person in this whole world... " "I am so so lucky to have you "

Tears streamed down your face as you smiled at him. He's very sincere this time, you thought. Suddenly he went down on one knee

" Will you, my sunshine, make your smiley boy happy again for forever and ever "

You put your hands on your mouth and gasped

" Oh My God are you proposing ?"

" No its a promise ring actually "

" It's a promise from me to you that I'll be the man, you wished to be with "

" I'll go to therapy, I'll work on myself and be the best version of the person, you fell in love with "

" Innie, what if we fight again ?" You asked, cursing yourself inside for overthinking again.

" I promise to you that I will never raise your voice at you "

" I'll be there for you as much as I can "

" Even if I have to fight with my managers, I will"

" I'll leave the company if it comes to that "

You squeezed his hand.

" Innie, I trust you, just promise that you'll share everything with me, however good and bad, instead of suffering by yourself "

" I promise "

" Then I'll gladly accept this ring, my smiley boy " He eagerly put the ring through your left ring finger, it was a gorgeous diamond princess solitaire ring. It was simple yet so beautiful. You widely smiled as you looked at it, glistening in your finger.

Grabbing him by his neck you kissed him. He melted as your lips touched his, he deepened the kiss as if you two were longing for this. Both of you giggled as you pulled away slowly, breathless.

" Woo-hoo " There was a pop and clap sound as you looked at the living room. All the skz boys were standing there smiling as you two pulled away.

You were a little embarrassed thinking of how long were they watching you two.

" Congratulations you guys, so happy for you " Chan beamed.

" I knew it, he can do it! " Minho exclaimed

" Did she like the painting and the song lyrics ? I wrote them!" Hyunjin spoke from behind.

" I bet she did!" Han high fived Hyunjin As he spoke.

" Seungmin, are you crying ?" Felix asked him, shocked " Shut up, I am just happy for these two " Seungmin replied. " Yes, very happy " Changbin wiped a tear in his eyes ith his thumb.

Both of you smiled as you looked at the scene. He held your hand as both of you walked to the boys, who were smiling and cheering for you.

A new beginning has started for you. With his hand in your hand, a new promise has begun to keep the relationship going.

No matter what comes, you two are in it together, forever and ever!

𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋𓍢ִ໋🌷͙֒𓂃🦋

A/N: This is the end! Thank you for sticking by for so long. I had so much fun making this, I hope you like it too ⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

Make Sure to like, reblog and comment!

Taglist: @atinyniki @minholing @cheesemonky @bunnystruggles @michelle4eve @writingforstraykids @skzoologist

@iknowyouknowminho @krisstheidiot @hyunjinhoexxx @livelovelaughmiko

@teenageshepherdpeachfan @gho-ster @b1nn1e-1s-cut3

@seungseung-minmin @ezlynkisses

@elmoslungcancer @cuddlylonelyperson

Let me know if you want to be added or removed from the list! (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)

[blazinghotfoggynights]

This fandom is turning into a madhouse!

Why? 😢

What is all the arguing about? Why are fans taking sides in multiple standoffs. How are these wars starting?

What I have to say may not be well-received by some sides in the numerous boxing matches active in this fandom right now, but I'm going to say my piece. 🤷‍♀️ I am not responsible for white-hot rage, tears, or epiphanies that you don't want. So, proceed at your own risk. Or whatever.

Buddie vs BuckTommy

BuckTommy fans, Buddie fans were not seeing things. Those characters were written as being pulled into each other's orbits and it was more than platonic. It wasn't blatant, and it has been hinted it couldn't be due to the network. Even now, with Eddie and Buck being in relationships, and Eddie somehow being in multiple, they are still using Buddie to promote the show. If they are not going to happen, then why the use that to get ratings? That is the definition of baiting.

Buddie fans, BuckTommy is canon. They may not last or they may be endgame. We won't know until it happens. Why lose your mind over fictional characters that one man controls? It's simple. If you feel they played the Buddie card only to put Eddie in a mess of epic proportions and make Buck become Evan Buckley-Kinard, tune out and keep fanfic alive. Do you know how many fandoms have followed that process? If Tommy was brought back just as a plot device, then it's not much better than baiting.

You know what would be hilarious? Buck meets a third person, falls in love, and marries them.

It would shut both sides down if it was a woman. (I may have a petty streak and if I were in charge, I could see making it Taylor or Abby.)😈🤣(Maybe then the warring factions could call a truce over tears and beers.)

Tommy Kinard was not a good guy. That's not delusion. That's canon.

BuckTommy fans, the character of Tommy Kinard has done multiple problematic things, and the writers are not addressing any of it. Telling people to get over it is not cool. Being closeted or confused is no excuse for calling Chimney the delivery guy and Hen the b-word. He was actively and willingly participating is some of the worst forms of bullying someone can experience. He wasn't a teenager who was just trying to fit in. He was a grown man. No excuses for his behavior are acceptable and, in the real world, you would be hard-pressed to find his victims forgiving him. They would not be his friends.

I can see why women, especially black women and LGBTQ women, and non-white men, especially Asian men, would say they don't like how his past transgressions are being ignored. He was openly racist and misogynist. That is canon. Nothing was misunderstood or misinterpreted. Tommy was a d*ck.

If you watch how Lou is portraying Tommy, there are indications that what we saw in season 2 is a part of his personality. The lack of discussion about his past could be intentional because it may come up in the future.

How has no one noticed how he speaks to Buck sometimes? Maybe I am just older than most in the fandom and have experienced a lot more, but there are things about Tommy Kinard's behavior that don't seem very...nice. The way he speaks to Buck sometimes is like he is dismissing what he thinks or feels. Sometimes he seems to be speaking to Buck as if he is a child. I was offended on Buck's behalf.

The biggest CAUTION sign so far was when he admitted he is jealous of the 118. What? That doesn't even make sense! Think about it. Tommy went out of his way to make the 118 hostile toward anyone who wasn't a het white male. When Bobby took over and changed the culture, he brought respect and openness which cultivated the friendship, and eventual love, that created the family the 118 is now. Tommy could have easily come out to the team under Bobby, apologized, and began building the bridges he burned. But he did not.

Tommy chose his side but now he is jealous of the work Bobby put in to clean up Gerrard's mess? Could it be something else giving his jealousy life? Could Tommy be resentful that the exclusive, prejudice environment he happily embraced, and helped keep in place, under Gerrard disappeared and because an inclusive tight-knit family created from the outcasts?

That is a very real possibility and if that is the case, it says a lot about Tommy Kinard and could lead to an interesting arc in the remainder of season 7 and season 8.

Eddie Diaz is not a bad guy.

I think Eddie has been teetering on the edge for many seasons. TBH, I am surprised he has been as stable as he has for this long. That man is walking meatsuit full of trauma.

People who are mentally stable and have healthy coping skills do not join underground fighting rings, smash their bedrooms, or ask relative strangers to watch his child and move in. There have been many indications for multiple seasons that Eddie is not in a good place but keeping it together for the sake of his son.

I do not think Eddie is trying to hurt anyone at all. I think he is trying to claw his way out of some hell his mind has had him in for a long time.

That man needs to be taken to the nearest inpatient facility and admitted. (If you are thinking of making a negative comment stigmatizing mental health awareness or treatment, reconsider, choose not to, and move along. Mental health is just as important as physical.)

Eddie Diaz is in no condition to be in a relationship with anyone except a therapist right now.

Whether you want Buddie, Eddie/Marisol, or Eddie/Wife's Ghost, if you want to see anyone with this guy right now, I have to ask you if you are feeling okay.

Remember how Eddie's parents didn't want him dragging Christopher down with him? Right now, it looks like Eddie's carefully, barely held together existence is going to go boom. Anyone in the blast radius is in danger. The only dates Edmundo Diaz should be having is at least three times weekly and begin with a mental health professional asking him if he has something he wants to talk about.

Evan "Buck" Buckley is a grown ass man. Stop infantalizing him! They even do it on the show.

I can't be the only one who sometimes forgets that thick mountain of a man is not a young twenty-something just wandering out into the world.

He's in his thirties. He's been in therapy. He's grown. He has to do what all of us adults do: Make decisions, wait to find out what happens, and deal with the consequences.

Say it with me: Buck is not a baby.

No one who has any real knowledge is going to tell fandom what the future holds for the show.

Who doesn't get that?

There are unhinged fans on every side of every current fight.

If you are attacking actors, writers, producers, networks, or anyone else, I have to wonder if you should be in a room next to Eddie after someone who loves him takes him where he should go.

That type of behavior used to get you a room with soft walls and a free jacket that left you in a permahug.

You can make anything you want happen with the characters.

It's call fanfiction and AO3 is wonderful. If there is a great story that hasn't been told, get on Word, Docs, Libre, or whatever you have and start making it a reality!

Authors have major support and respect from the fans.

If writing isn't your thing, but you are great at prompts and don't mind authors taking your prompts and creating stories, find a way to share them!

There are positive ways to channel your eyerolls, frustration, anger, or whatever. Draw fanart. Write fic. Write ideas and throw them at those who draw fanart and write fanfic.

To the whole fandom: CHILL! PLEASE!

I don't want to watch another fandom I enjoy implode. I don't want to see other fandoms assume everyone in this fandom is in need of the soft room and permahug fashion I mentioned earlier.

Been there, done that.

At the end of the day, everyone needs to remember:

It's not real.

[lesbianp1lled]

it's so lame that we even have to identify as 'gold star' lesbians at this point in human existence. unless you live in an extremely homophobic country, there just isn't a reason for a gay person to force themself be intimate with the opposite sex, period. that's self-r*pe to any actual gay person and the mere idea has always disgusted me, even when I tried to convince myself I was bi because of comphet lol (I do live in a pretty homophobic country where I've never seen a gay couple hold hands publicly in almost 30 years.. ). I've never accepted even a single date with a man, 0 intimacy (ew), because even despite being able to realize/ accept that I was a lesbian only in my early 20s, I've always instinctively known I'm gay. most people do, and thus physical contact with the opposite sex who we're not attracted to is abhorrent. that's why I think women who've had het sex and still claim to be lesbians are either fakebians or have 0 self-dignity and a desperate need for attention to the point of jumping on a d*ck for societal approval, and I'll never understand that/ f*ck with that. that's the most anti-feminist bs, I know so many straight women who didn't have sex before like 30 because they hadn't met a man they loved and trusted enough. virginity is lauded in women so there's no pressure to be with men either. so there's no justifying being with males while claiming to be a lesbian lol.

I actually needed to went about sth personal as well and since I sadly have no lesbian friends, this is the best option. basically all my relationship attempts have ended tragically because all my crushes have been het or bihet women. I live in a tiny ass country so there simply aren't enough lesbians yet there are thousands of drop-dead-gorgeous het and bihet women and I am simply a woman with eyes, what can I say.. all the actual lesbians tend to be butches, and don't get me wrong, butches have my whole heart, but I'm a femme-for-femme kinda gal, I can't help it. I am conventionally attractive and work hard to stay in shape but I'm no supermodel either and actually insanely beautiful women scare me a bit so I'm just looking for sb on the same level. I don't want to feed into the stereotype about lesbians being unattractive, I don't think that's true. but in my country it tends to be the case, which is especially jarring because the straight women are outstandingly beautiful. ofc looks isn't the main thing I'm looking for but I don't want a romantic relationship with sb I'm not even attracted to. I've tried that and it didn't work, it isn't fair on me nor them.

I've also graduated from every level of education with the highest honors, I'm a uni lecturer since 20, I have my own company, everyone tells me I'm one of the nicest people they know and I still can't find a gf who'd like me as much as I love her?? that's what's truly enraging, to see all these amazing het and bihet women genuinely love and give their all to these misogynistic subpar beer-bellied males who use them as personal maids while I can't find one (1!!) woman to love me as an objectively good-looking feminist they could 100% relate to and be in an equal/ synergetic relationship with.

I'm sorry but heterosexuality truly is a masochistic self-destructive condition in women, I know it's innate but it's true.. inc3ls (including the trans kind) have no idea what real hardship is in dating women. it's seeing the fugliest moids get with the most kind, intelligent, ambitious and hot women only to drain them from life and self-respect and not even appreciate getting with a woman waaay out of their league. while you are on that woman's level but she'll never love you even if she's bi because ultimately you just don't have a nasty dangler in your pants which doesn't even satisfy her anyway. so you just seethe in your justified bitterness and try go on with your life despite feeling like no woman will ever love you, not because you're unlovable or in any way unworthy but simply because you're a woman.

it hurts so much to see all these hot lesbian couples online, it just feels surreal, like where are these women? all I see is obese goofy-looking 'polyamourous' aka promiscuous bihet she/they qWeErs who want to use me as a s3x toy with their disgusting boyfriend.

and this brings me to my ex. she was the one I gave a chance to because she was the first woman to make a move on me, she told me I was perfect, we talked for hours every day for months, went on dates, she fantacized about living in a house together etc, only to randomly ghost me, tell me our relationship meant nothing despite me having admitted to her I was already traumatized by bihet women leading me on. and then ofc she got with some receding neckbeard guy who looks like he could be her uncle not long after lmao. after legit telling me she detests men and would Nevvverr date one again, that I was her perfect woman. so all she gave me was trust issues that all women are secretly bihet c*cksuckers who will eventually leave me no matter how perfect and lovable I am. I know this can't be true but it truly feels like that. she just got married to that male (probably partly for a visa lol) but she certainly tries to convince herself and others desperately she's madly in love with him while watching all of my insta stories in 2.3 seconds for some reason, I've muted her so I found out about her marrying months later.

maybe she knew I was far out of her league and randomly sabotaged our relationship, because it was such a shock out of a blue sky to me. thankfully I wasn't fully in love yet and dodged her (mentally unstable) bullet but we need to address the trauma these bihet women leave us with. because that's entirely valid and not our fault, not everyone has the privilege to date fellow lesbians when finding a real one who isn't a fakebian feels impossible to begin with. I also hate the infantilization of lesbians, she definitely used me for her idiotic little 'sapphic daydreams', f*ck that, we are not some uwu fairies, we are grown women and we are just as entitled to only date people we're physically attracted to as het women. as I said, I wasn't even that attracted to her but the knowledge that she got hetero married while larping as some grand qWeEr feminist who will never date males again hit me like a truck. she's out to the world while I'm only out to my friends and some family because I could be discriminated against at my homophobic workplace. the fkn iront in that.. she even started identifying in plural after meeting him lmaoo, she must've realized that she really is just a measly hetero and no longer has a way 'in' to the lgbt thing she desperately wants to co-opt. she's 100% a poli-qweer lol.

I hate that I'm even allowing myself to be traumatized by her, she's unworthy of that but I can't help it, every romantic experience only worsens my trust issues with women and my current crush is bi as well.. at least she doesn't lie about liking men which is still off-putting but at least she's honest. idk what to do anymore. I'm just livid at this homophobic heteronormative world and the way the hets just keep getting away with it. I nearly threw up at the sight of all het couples today.

and bihets are the worst male-worshippers out there as well, they put up with so much more bs from men than decent self-respecting het women do. and they're desperate to be with a man at all times. some time ago I went out with a bi woman who I didn't know was bi, she presented herself half-virginal, did mention two exes, male and female. but turns out she has slept with every other man in town, brags about it online as if that makes her a 'bad bitch' , no hun, just an unpaid prostitute for patriarchal pleasure.

the only consolation is that het relationships are never equal so they will not have some idyllic marital bliss with their ugly moids as they desperately want to pretend. but still, they have such immeasureable social privilege being het-attracted and -partnered and then they have the audacity to larp as some great qWeEr activist publicly without any shame in their hypocrisy. god I wanna expose her fake ass so badly, tell everyone what a lying bihet charlatan she is. I might never be able to get married in my country because I'm actually gay and she's unapologetically prancing around with a husband when she said she'll never date a man again. as gay people we grapple with so much baseless misplaced shame while the het fakers seem to feel none. meanwhile there are lesbians all over the world forced into loveless het marriages to be r*ped by their husbands. unspeakably disgusting. sometimes I just want to vacate this abhorrent homophobic planet but can't let the homophobes win.

sorry for the long rant but what do you think I should do going forward? I feel like I'm succumbing to complete bitterness and despite not envying the misogynistic relationships of heteros, at least they have the opportunity to be in romantic relationships without fearing being discriminated against, disowned or hate crimed, no matter how flawed their relationships are. meanwhile I'm just getting older, I might still look 18 but I feel like I'll die before a woman of worth will ever reciprocate my love. where to move, where are the actual lesbians?? how to deal with the bilious defeatism and, tbh unfortunately justified victim mentality?

I'm sure a lot of lesbians can relate to my experiences and I would really appreciate them sharing how they got out of this hole/ repeating pattern of dating women who were beneath them and unable to actually love women romantically/ sexually. at this point I'd do anything to even have a woman sexually objectify me at least 😩

oh, and what's notable is that despite never having been in a proper committed relationship and having these failed traumatic attempts, I have never resented women as a whole. women owe me nothing, but the women who have literally thrown themself at me only to lead me on like I begged them not to deserve no remorse. and I haven't lost my mind or general will to live either, I thrive academically and at work, I entertain myself and enjoy my time with family and friends. I don't normally hate on other people in relationships for no reason either, just in a really bad place rn lol. I think it's important to note for all of the lesbophobes out there who call us 'lescels' and compare us to r*pe-loving misogynistic incels who think they should own women as sex toys. I've never resented a woman like that even if she's hurt me beyond words, that shit is just degenerate y-chromosome scrote coded. lesbians will never be able to oppress women, not even if some have unrightful disdain against women because we are the ones oppressed by hetero-attracted women.

also hate we have to identify as gold star lesbians because surely it makes sense that a lesbian wouldn’t ever sleep with a man? But so many call themselves lesbians even if they have slept with a man which is a false identity for them because a lesbian just wouldn’t sleep with a man. But the whole ‘gold star lesbian’ thing started as a way for straights to make fun of us. They’d say “Oh you haven’t slept with a man? Do u want a GOLD STAR?” so when I call myself a gold star lesbian i’m mostly just reclaiming it and saying yeah I am proud of it, and yeah give me a gold star! Lmao

I won’t go into everything you said because i’ll be here all night but I’m also a femme mostly attracted to other femmes and it is true most lesbians are butches which makes our dating pool even smaller. I don’t rule out butches completely, I have found some attractive I’m just mostly attracted to femmes and I’ve never met a butch irl I’ve known other femme lesbians though.

What I think you should do moving forward? Is not to lose hope. I believe there is someone out there for everyone. Get in touch with the local community, if you don’t like going to nightclubs u could always join any events or anything like that, a good way to feel in touch with ur local community can be things like volenteering and the like.

I know it’s hard out here for lesbians but you will find your person. My dms are always open if u wanna vent or just talk!

[nerdyenby]

Red time :D I’m watching Jojo

Pregame

Ollie freaking out that they’re supposed to change skins 😂

Mmm yes studying time

I am taking so many notes queen

What are Jojo’s teammates’ pronouns? She used they/them for Ollie but idk

Also heads up that I don’t know Spanish so I’m just gonna be smiling and nodding

J… my beloved

Ollie so proud of having done their homework :))

Kara doing her best, we stan (I know absolutely zero Spanish send help)

WHY SANDS EARLY???? 😭😭😭

Ok it makes sense since there are a lot of new people but that doesn’t mean I’m gonna be happy about it /hj

They are the underdogs, I believe

Jojo being so proud of Ollie and how much they’ve studied <333

“Oh my god I love the emojis” I love Ollie ;-;

I want them to win so bad, you don’t get it

“We’re on the same team!!” “Not right now” I love Ollie and Jojo’s banter so much

Ollie talking about how they hope this could be the start of MCC including more Spanish streamers and being really excited to be part of the event being more open to other communities :)))

Oh my gosh mc ultimate, that was so long ago

We do a little bit of breathing, so true

Me not knowing a lick of Spanish but loving the energy :))

I only know like five words in Spanish so I’m just vibing and every now I’m then like “ah yes, bien means good”

It probably says something that listening to people talking in another language doesn’t even sound weird to me because of how hard APD goes, it just sounds like this to me sometimes even when I do know the language lmao

The “THIRTO YNE” in the sky 😂

Rocket Spleef

The excited/nervous energy on this team is so endearing, they’re all so happy to be here but also with a healthy coat of anxiety

Them all cheering Jojo on :))

That last minute elimination lol

THE MCC LORE!!! THEYRE LOOKING TO HIRE A NEW SKYWRITER CAUSE THEIR CURRENT ONE MESSED UP!!! I love MCC you guys

TGTTOSAWAF

Gonna be real, I was spaced the heck out during this game, Jojo did well tho!!

Parkour Warrior

So do we know what happened with Shadoune?

They’re a player down but they’re keeping morale up :))

Jojo’s ability to first try the wavy bridge thing is incredibly intimidating actually

She’s going for the hard ending!!

That checkerboard is breaking my brain but I kinda love it???

The STRESS

Ollie’s popping off tho

FIRST!!!! oh wait nevermind 😭😭😭

Parkour Tag

They’re popping off!!! They’re lasting so long so often!!

The way you can tell that they’re having so much fun now that they’ve found a groove :))

Capitan top 5!!!

“Chat, I was the nerf” Jojo 😂

Sylvee my beloved

What song even is this lol

OH it’s good for you, helps when you can actually hear the instrumental lmao

Holy crap Bad, I know he didn’t mean it but that is the most backhanded compliment in existence

Grid Runners

They’re doing well!!

That copy the sculpture was pain tho

It felt like they figured out the rod thing really quick

Meltdown

I’m so ready for them to pop off, you don’t understand

Jojo frantically switching to English when she gets frozen is way funnier to me than it should be

Ayyyy they won the first round :D

Nooooo them just running around a locked room is and falling into the lava together :((

Survival Games

Gonna be honest, the pov I have to read subtitles for probably isn’t the one I should be watching while drawing lol

They’re doing great though!! People are just dropping like flies and they’re killing it

They swept blue!!

YOOO first place with all surviving!!!

“Hispanic on top!!! Vamos!!” Hell yeah!!!

“The Spanish Inquisition” 😂😂😂

He doesn’t know where the sand goes 😭😭😭

Sands of Time

The “holã HBomb” in the chat <333

I believe in jojosolos sot supremacy

They all sound so stressed but that’s not really an indicator of how good it’s going in sands lol

It’s so funny to hear “oh my gosh” after 90% of the English words in this call have been “f*ck” or “ok” lol

It’s super possible indeed :)))

YEEEAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Dodgebolt

Them <333

Capitan 1v3!!

THEY WONN!!!!!!!

Jojo winning shot my beloved <3

MASSIVE DUB FOR SPANISH SPEAKERS EVERYWHERE!!!!

Jojo appreciation hour <333

THEY DIDNT EVEN KNOW ABOUT THE COIN 😭😭😭 “we get a prize?” I’m losing it

They’re so excited about the box <33

“I’m gonna propose to my girlfriend with that” OLLIE 😂

Ollie wanting to team with English streamers too :))

“I think Jojo- she doesn’t speak English, right?” “I don’t- no- I…” “No?” The absolute flub 😂

They’re so excited to come back :((((( I love them :(((

I love chill after calls :))

Captain/capitan team <333

[browniesbrowniesbrownies]

Idk really what to say, this is the first time I’ve ever written my feelings down on a platform where other people can read them.

So basically, I’m going through a breakup. Quite possibly the worst one I’ve ever experienced. We were together for almost 2 years, we had a baby in February and sadly he passed away in the NICU at 13 days old, I gave birth shortly after I was 23 weeks. There are many other things we have been through, we always come out stronger though. I found out I was pregnant again late August. A month later, everything changes. He changes. He is not the person I came to know and love and cherish. This may be blunt and a used up statement, but he literally kicked me to the curb.

He stills tries to stay in contact somewhat. And his way of staying in contact is sending d*ck pictures and the only thing he wants to talk about is sex.

We were SO in love. I had never met anyone like him before. I had a crush on him for like, 10 years I’d say. And one random night, I added him on FB, sent him a message, and that’s all she wrote. He made me feel so loved and cherished and just kind of like I had the whole world in my pocket. When I say we were obsessed with one another, we were OBSESSED. Now, of course, there were bad times to be had as well. But somehow we always overcame and put us first. In my head, we were perfect. He was, he IS my soulmate. We were best friends.

I have been crying every day for a month straight. I write down things in my notes app every day that remind me of him or things I wish I could say to him in that moment. I say all the time I wish I could hate him or go back in time and make it where I never muster up the courage to message him. But I don’t like a liar. I lay here at night wondering how the F*CK am I supposed to get over him? How am I supposed to act like we didn’t have this earth shattering love? How can he just forget it so easily and move on and already be with other people sexually? There are so many questions that go through my head and so many thoughts. I don’t know where to put them bc he was always the person I talked to about everything.

I’m just a sad person. And I wish I wasn’t. I want to enjoy this pregnancy so bad. But it’s so hard when I wanted to enjoy it with him as well. I try so hard not to let him consume my thoughts every day and try to cut back on the crying. But I just can’t.

How do I do this??? What do I do? This, combined with PPD and working through my feelings of losing my first baby.. it’s hard to see that there will ever be a brighter side.

[waitingformyfavoritesongs]

4:04 am pdt 4 April 2023 Tuesday martest

today is UCB birthday? I missed the counting crows performing there Bcz I went back home bcz Q requested that I come back to celebrate other people’s birthdays. I wish I saw it. I wish I stayed. 4:07 am pdt

if a lot of people are committing suicide they are probably having a hard time. Maybe the same as me? I wonder if I am too unrealistic. Too many (acid pain in brain 🧠💀 skull 4:09 am pdt) Disney movies and romantic comedies. Too much wanting to believe in soulmates stuff and that maybe Mother Nature would pair us up evenly and would be like a Mariah Carey Christmas wish song. Could life be really completely nice like that or is it all too good to be true? 4:12 am pdt one of the incubus’ fans Instagram stories put stuff up with video clips of him with a voice over asking what’s a soulmate? I don’t know why s/he did that. I would like very much to (acid right arm pain 4:14 am pdt) have a soulmate. But when I thought of this before I thought maybe people can be flexible and rational and really find friendships with the opposite s*x and settle and be happy enough with that. Do bachelor/bachelorette party dating stuff. I think incubus is punishing me for questioning him and what’s possible. Which is not fair. Bcz I started having doubts. Again. About him. Who he really is. What he’s really all about. I guess this Brendan lean and Melissa cuen stuff will never be revealed and he really intends to leave me here and kill me. I can’t stop him or make him (brain weird pain I don’t like 4:19 am pdt) I have the eerie feeling that he doesn’t care about all the people committing suicide and that I can’t breathe for years most of the time and that I’m almost out of bones. I feel like he’s trying to dupe me. I feel that he is really a bad guy. He only likes pretty girls. He hates ugly girls. He thinks I’m an ugly girl. He probably hates Asians. He hates anyone who doesn’t look more like him. I think that really is him. That’s his real self. 4:23 am pdt him and his miñions. They are all bad, and really talented at looking like they’re (acid left arm pain 4:23 am pdt) good. They don’t care if little girls get raped and if any woman gets raped. Incubus likes raping women. He doesn’t believe in soulmates. He only likes what makes his d*ck go up. He is heinous. And he’s probably proud about it and arrogant. He will justify doing whatever he wants whenever he wants. He’s really hiding that underneath it all. I’m scared. 4:26 am pdt

4:34 am pdt if I believe him, pain. If I start doubting him, pain. He has given me no reason to believe him. 4:35 am

im only a tool. A tool for what? Save face. Bcz he needs slaves. 4:37 am pdt

5:59 am pdt incubus /miñion burned my skin of my whole torso minutes ago. 6 am pdt I’m tired. He/they like to torture people. Probably even if they have been physically hard working, only to give surgeons something to do. I think he likes torturing me and everyone. 6:02 am pdt

6:03 6:04 am pdt there’s no truth to anything he says. He probably raped little girls.

6:07 am pdt we (left hip pain) should be cautious about believing any of his family stuff. He is most likely coercive . Holding people hostage. He is heinous and phony. He is all about saving his own face at the expense of others sanity. Bcz he’s a liar. 6:10 am pdt

6:14 am pdt I wonder if he’s really “Brendan” and used me as a whore in 2001? 6:15 am pdt cheap thrills? Or maybe he raped girls younger than me in 2001? 6:17 am pdt

6:17 am pdt I have to wonder Bcz Anne V. Is a year younger than me. But maybe he went to younger than Anne v. In his incubus form in 2001? It was reported in an article that they also had s*x. 6:19 am pdt maybe he even went for my 14 year old sister? Or maybe even younger? Bcz in begin again he rolled around with Kiera knightly and my sister looks like her? Not to mention mim, the character he cheats with on Greta, the name is close to the nickname of my older sister, Mimi. 6:22 am pdt so incubus what’s with all the hints? And the physical torture? 6:23 am pdt what are you trying to pull here? “Why won’t you answer me the solace is slowly killing me” 🎼🎶🎼🎵🎤🎸

6:25 am pdt acid hot burning my right s cheek. Hot air exhaling. Difficulty breathing. 6:26 am pdt

6:27 am pdt Mimi is half Japanese.

6:28 am pdt I bet he incubus raped my sister when she was 14 years old in 2001. 6:29 am pdt he has to try really hard to make himself look good even though his work as incubus proves himself otherwise. 6:30 am pdt

6:30 am pdt you want to rub it in my face that I’m not perfect that you have to go and give a BIG hint that you raped my sister probably when she was 14 years old? I think she was already wearing thing underwear when she was 14 years old. Maybe you liked 14 year old Kiera knightly doppelgänger ass. 6:32 am pdt but you had to fake me out by doing phone s*x with me, Bcz it wouldn’t look good to everyone else but you couldn’t help yourself but flaunt you did such weird things like that. 6:33 am pdt

6:34 am pdt miñion you cannot be in such denial of BIG blatant hints like that movie. 6:35 am pdt stop burning my *ss.

6:38 am pdt incubus changed THONG underwear to thing. 6:40 am pdt you’d rather make good and prove you raped a 14 year old than a 16 year old. OKAY! That’s what begin again is all about. THANKS. 6:41 am pdt

6:42 am pdt it’s NOT funny that she mentioned that movie b4 I got the chance to see it, too. So it’s like maybe she knew but didn’t know at the same time. WEIRD. Maybe she didn’t realize the WHY part. Bcz she didn’t know that incubus was “Brendan” the catfish. 6:44 am pdt

6:45 am pdt don’t like you incubus. Stop showing your fake-*ss child raping face to me. 6:46 am pdt

6:47 am pdt it’s like every video he makes is to remind himself what he did with who. 6:47 am pdt

6:48 am pdt I think incubus is blocking people from reading this post Bcz it’s true. He is only really trying to screw me over to kill me. He is not good in any way. He is filthy and a liar. I can NEVER believe there are good people EVER AGAIN!!!! 6:51 am pdt

7:14 am pdt difficulty breathing. Greta.. is that short for regret ta? Ta as in goodbye???? Regret saying goodbye? Bcz you liked raping 14 year old girls when you were 22 years old???? Ew. 7:16 am pdt

7:18 am pdt she’s a Leo ♌️. He probably didn’t wait until she turned 14 years old. She was probably still 13 years old when he started. Ew. 7:19 am pdt

7:20 7:21 am pdt can’t breathe 😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵😤😤🥵

7:22 am pdt friendly unicorn 🦄 begin again. 😖😭🤢

7:23 am pdt Romeo and Juliet. 7:24 am pdt

7:25 am pdt 7:26 am pdt hand tattoos: true love. Leonardo di caprio movie. 🎥 britannica encyclopedia website Juliet is given the age of 13 years old. Ugh 🤦‍♀️ Can’t breathe 😤🥵😤🥵😤🥵🥵😤😤🥵 7:28 am pdt he’s proud of himself for it. 7:29 am pdt

1:19 pmpdt incubus tried to break the last of my hip bone 🦴 right side a minute ago. He is corrupt. He has no intentions of saving anyone unless they are young and beautiful like in the Nicholas cage movie 🎥 when they only bring children. That’s probably why Donald trump separated immigrants parents from their children 👶. Bcz incubus is this corrupt. It looks like I don’t even have bots 🤖 anymore. Even the bots 🤖 found this post disturbing. Incubus is that bad. And he’s that good at pretending to be good. 1:22 pmpdt I don’t believe incubus is good. I believe he’s bad. Corrupt. I will never believe him. They have always conducted themselves this way. Don’t believe they will ever improve. They always will be deceitful. If you are old, he will get rid of you. If you are ugly, he will get rid of you. But if you are heinous, rich 🤑, and beautiful like him? I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ Bcz if you’re like him then it’s easier to get away with anything he wants. You won’t stand in his way. No matter what? ☹️😖😭😞 good for you!

1:29 pmpdt acid pain right arm left hip bone 🦴 pain even on a bigger planet 🌎 I predict it is always going to be the same, but if you’re rich 🤑 I guess you don’t have to worry? Unless you’re a woman 👩🏼.... expect to be thrown out like trash 🗑 when he’s bored of you or you’re 30 years old. 1:31 pmpdt I will never have faith in incubus again. NEVER 👎. 1:32 pmpdt acid left butt cheek pain. I imagine if there are people already in the big new earth 🌍 maybe 🤔 there are a lot of teenagers and children 👶. 😞. I don’t believe that anything is possible anymore. It doesn’t work out in my mind. It doesn’t look possible. 1:35 pmpdt 1:36 I don’t believe. 1:37 pmpdt

1:43 pmpdt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what happened with the immigrant situation when they separated children and parents. But if incubus wanted it I imagine Donald trump did it Bcz incubus wanted it done. 1:45 pmpdt

1:46 pmpdt I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ what his plans are he is always lying 🤥 to me. He hurt 😞 me a lot. I don’t believe he is capable of loving 🥰 me or anyone. 1:48 pmpdt

1:49 pmpdt his family likes lying 🤥 to me, even if they cross that line in lying 🤥 that no one should. I don’t believe I’m anyone’s wife. I don’t care what they think 💭. It’s heinous to put me in a vulnerable position and try to toy 🧸 with the soft parts of my heart ♥️. I don’t know 🤷🏻‍♀️ who he’s trying to manipulate if he’s trying to convince others of this lie. What does he stand to gain for lying 🤥 like that? Is he trying to manipulate current 12 year olds in to falling in love 😻 with him? And then he kills me and says it’s not his fault? And asks them to mourn with him? At a concert 🎵 ? And then takes them to a secret room and rapes them??? We don’t know what he’s capable of!!! (Left eye 👁 feels like someone puts lotion 🧴 in it it burns 🔥 difficulty breathing acid burn 🔥 ass flesh and bone 🦴 you d*ck!!!) must be true Bcz they retaliate and toyed with me all my life. 1:59 pmpdt

2:08 pmpdt 2:09 pmpdt I don’t believe. I don’t believe. I don’t believe. I don’t believe. I don’t believe. I don’t believe. I don’t believe. 2:10 pmpdt

2:30 🕝 pmpdt I (acid pain on *ss 😖😭😞 this is the end of my *ss! 😫🥵) 2:31 pmpdt I don’t believe that they believe in soulmates. I believe they like to s*xualize children 👶 Bcz life is short and they really believe in polygamy and not getting attached to anyone. They really aren’t sentimental. But they will use the concept of it to cash 💰 in. 2:33 pmpdt

2:34 pmpdt anything to manipulate you into believing they’re good. But they’re probably going to economize and not waste anything in transport. 2:35 pmpdt maybe there won’t be anymore plane ✈️ crashes into the ocean 🌊. Maybe 🤔 they will fake us out and drop little asteroids ☄️ into the ocean 🌊 but if we’re unlucky they will probably cause tsunamis. 🌊 2:36 pmpdt trying to anticipate their next move. 2:37 pmpdt they don’t value old people. Anyone over 30 years old. 2:38 pmpdt they’re only using me to manipulate younger people probably. Bcz he’s showing me he hates me. 2:38 pmpdt expect him to vilify you when you’re on the new earth 🌍 when he wants you dead ☠️. 2:39 pmpdt

2:46 pmpdt if he’s using me to pull on the heart ♥️ strings of young women/teens, he’s probably going to kill off anyone who knows he’s lying 🤥 and killing me. 2:48 pmpdt

2:48 pmpdt Bcz dead ☠️ men tell no tales. 2:49 pmpdt

2:49 pmpdt all the recent trains 🚂 that crashed (acid mouth 👄 pain left knee pain 2:50 pmpdt) they are probably going to use those to make more airplanes ✈️ 2:50 pmpdt don’t get anymore ideas 💡 about crashes. 2:52 pmpdt

As I wrote the above he doubled down in applying more hot 🥵 acid to my *ss. 2:53 pmpdt don’t expect him to prove anything to me publicly. And if he does, don’t believe it. He fakes out. 2:54 pmpdt

2:55 pmpdt incubus, I hope your lies to me bites you in the *ss. 2:55 pmpdt

3:06 pmpdt still won’t allow me to post pictures from my phone 📱 ☎️ 3:06 pmpdt

3:09 pmpdt I really wanted to be naturally good to people so I worked on my health hoping it would change me. Dr Daniel amen’s books 📚 change your mind change your life. I don’t care what signs you throw my way incubus I will never believe you again. 3:11 pmpdt manipulation. 😨🧐😡🤬 3:12 pmpdt ow sharp stabs to anus. 3:12 left hip bone pain 😖😭☹️ I hate you incubus! I hope all women and children hate you! 3:12 pmpdt NEVER lie to a woman the way you and your family did! 3:14 pmpdt despicable

[demetriandelibinaryboyfriends]

“They were expecting to find Miguel Diaz. What they weren’t expecting to find was love.”

Imagining of Season 5 in which Demetri and Eli go on a totally straight and totally heterosexual Dudebro road trip to Mexico to find their best friend. Unfortunately, when you’re trapped in a car with someone for hours on end, you might have to start confronting some feelings you wish weren’t there.

Well, everyone, I caved. I fucking caved. I said so many times that I wasn’t going to write CK fanfiction because GODDAMN if I don’t have too many WIPs in other fandoms, but like. The desire to write a homoerotic road trip fic was just too damn much.

I’ve never tried formally writing these two before, so I have no idea if it’s any good, but GOD did I try lol. Not much plot here, mostly just Vibes, gay tension, and missing and worrying about Best Boy Miguel!!! Also written partly out of spite because I’m just constantly seeing Miguel/Demetri friendship erasure in the fandom and it’s gotten me HEATED, so now I’m writing about Demetri going off to find Miguel in Mexico and internally monologuing about how worried he is and y’all just gonna have to deal with it. Fun fact: Miguel and Demetri love each other, and I will not hear otherwise under any circumstances :D

Also I can’t believe I’ve been in this fandom over a year and it took fucking writing this fic to realize Demetri has an extremely bad case of generalized anxiety disorder D: Like he worries about every all the time and honestly? Same

Uhhhhh CW for mentions of human trafficking, even if it’s done in jest (they’re teenage boys after all, this is the kinda thing teenage boys joke about lol) and some zesty...physical references, but the sauciest thing they do is make out because I’m asexual and do not wish to write smut XD

Fic is under the cut!!! Be warned, it is a 4k word longboi!!!

EDIT: There is now a sequel here as well!!!

***

“I cannot even begin to tell you how unsafe this is.”

“Uh huh. Go on.”

“I’m serious, Eli! We’re parked out in the middle of nowhere in a desert that never ends and the only signs of civilization are those cars going by on the highway at like 90 miles an hour. This is how people get kidnapped. And used for…I don’t know, human trafficking or something.”

Eli rolls over from where he lies next to Demetri on the car roof, scowling at him. “You think the traffickers are going to want you?”

Demetri scoffs, offended at the implication. “I’ll have you know I am a catch! The hottest girl in school thought so for a while.”

Eli breaks into a smirk. “Didn’t Yasmine like…use you as a beard, dude?”

“That’s not—she’s not—she didn’t—look, it doesn’t count if she didn’t know she was lesbian until after we got together!” Demetri splutters, gesturing vaguely as he attempts to arrive at a point.

“Wouldn’t that make it even worse?”

“Still speaks volumes to my suave disposition that she had no issue appearing to be dating me.”

“I’ll never understand it.” Eli turns away, gaze flicking back up to the stars.

“As I was saying.” Demetri stubbornly goes on. Someone has to knock some sense into Eli Moskowitz—access that logical coding brain he knows is in there somewhere. “Just because we’re a little ways off the main road doesn’t mean someone isn’t going to see us parked out in the middle of bumfuck nowhere. They could still come out here, break into the car, and do—well, whatever they want! It’s not like anyone would hear us yelling for help. We should have gotten a motel room.”

Eli snorts. “What, are we throwing hundred dollar bills around like we’re Terry Fucking Silver? It was hard enough mooching enough gas money off my mom. Besides, we know karate. If anyone comes after us, we could take them.”

Demetri rolls his eyes. “Right, my bad. I forgot I’m under the protection of the latest AVT champ.”

“Damn right.”

“I’m holding you to that, by the way. If we get kidnapped, and you can’t fend them off, I’m going to be really mad.”

“Completely understandable.”

A lull passes over the boys. For several moments, there’s no sound but desert wind, the hum of crickets and cicadas, and the sound of distant traffic. They had pulled off onto some dirt service road and driven for a while before they arrived and parked at what Eli decided was “the perfect sleeping spot.”

“I can’t believe you’re not tired,” Eli pipes up. “You’ve been driving like…all day.”

Demetri shrugs, car roof cool against his neck and shoulders. The sweltering daytime heat has long since faded from the metal.

“I don’t know. I guess I didn’t know when I’d get the chance to stargaze again. It’s kind of hard with all the light pollution. I remember we used to try on your trampoline, and whenever we’d get excited about a particularly bright one, it would turn out to be LAX’s newest outgoing flight.”

“Yeah, there’s a lot more going on out here. Might as well enjoy it.”

Demetri scans over the flickering shape of the Milky Way before stealing a glance over at Eli. He can’t help but smile.

His friend’s eyes are filled with a kind of shameless awe and wonder he hasn’t seen in years. Eli has always been drawn to the sky—day, night, or otherwise. Sometimes in elementary school, when they were all out of game ideas, they would spend recess cloud-watching. Eli would get so wrapped up in it that sometimes when the lunch bell rang, Demetri would have to poke him several times to get his attention. How appropriate that his eventual karate nickname would be bird-related.

He’s beautiful when he’s like this. And right now, it’s particularly aggravating.

Unfortunately, Demetri’s admiration has not gone unnoticed. Eli turns and gives him a disparaging look.

“Dude, why are you staring at me?”

Demetri snorts, trying to sound as scornful as possible. “I was not! Don’t flatter yourself. I just haven’t seen you this relaxed in a while.”

Eli shrugs. “I guess so. Kind of peaceful out here. Nice to get away from all the city noise. Too bad Sensei LaRusso isn’t around to make us do katas or some shit.”

Demetri snickers. “Yeah, I’d like to see him try and meditate in downtown Guadalajara. Or wherever the hell he and Sensei Lawrence are now.”

“You think they made it to Guadalajara already?” Eli whistles. “That is generous, Demetri.”

“Is it really that far?”

“A good 900 miles from here. I would know—my eyes still hurt from staring at the map app all damn day.”

Demetri considers for a moment before nodding.

“You’re right. Sensei Lawrence probably broke the GPS. Somehow.”

“Either that, or he and Sensei LaRusso spent more time arguing over what route to take than actually driving.”

The boys break out laughing, the noise of it heavy in the quiet desert night. Hours of tense driving drain out of Demetri’s body all at once, and suddenly he feels so carefree he could be 7 again.

It isn’t all that different from how they used to be. Laughing at the stupidest shit, making fun of everyone whose life was just as much a mess as theirs, being wrapped up in their own little world. All a constant that had always given Demetri some semblance of security…before junior year, anyways.

Now, he can finally have that security back. Eli isn’t going anywhere, especially not in the middle of the Sonoran desert. What would he do, tie a little bindle to a stick and run off to live in a cactus?

As the laughter dies down, Demetri turns his head back to the stars. It’s not hard to see how Eli could get entranced by them. They’re stunning—silver on black, with the white puffs and clouds of the Milky Way blotched out above distant mountains.

A blinking red light and a distant hum indicates air travelers passing through the area. Demetri chuckles, something distant resurfacing.

“Remember when we were like…9, and we came up with that big, elaborate plan about what we would do if aliens invaded?”

“Sure,” Eli says. “You wanted to fight them off with swords. I didn’t have the heart to tell you that would be stupid.”

“Ah, yes.” Demetri hums thoughtfully. “That was during my Lord of the Rings phase. In my defense, I thought it would look really cool to fence with an alien. I still maintain it would be…well, interesting.”

Eli snickers. “Dude. They’d just blast you in half with a laser gun. It wouldn’t even be a fight.”

Demetri can only scoff. “Who says they have laser guns? Maybe they’re not that technologically advanced!”

“But they can pilot spaceships multiple light years to other planets?! Bullshit. You just wanted to be Aragorn.”

“Who doesn’t want to be Aragorn?!”

“Uh, Gandalf is way cooler, man.”

Demetri snorts again. “Oh, so now we’re going to defeat extraterrestrial invaders with ancient wizardry? Which we’ll acquire where?”

“Still more likely than you learning how to wield a sword properly.”

“How dare you! I used to watch so many YouTube tutorials! Anyways, it’s ambitious to claim you’re Gandalf, Eli. I think you’re more of a Gollum, personally. You know, with the corruption arc and the conniving and scheming and all.”

“Oh, you take that back!”

Eli pounces on him, shoving him hard to the side. Demetri bursts out laughing, sides aching as he slides toward the edge of the car roof.

He starts to slip. He barely has a moment to panic before strong hands are grabbing his arm.

There’s an awkward moment as their eyes meet, Eli’s fingers still fastened around Demetri’s wrist. Demetri slowly lets out his breath, heart starting to pound.

Always best to diffuse the situation, Demetri figures.

He takes his free hand and presses the back of it against his forehead. “Oh, my hero! My brave, brave Eli ‘Hawk’ Moskowitz! You saved me!”

He expects Eli to make a snide comment, but his eyes instead flick around the way they always do when he’s nervous. When he’s caught off-guard.

“It was instinct,” he mutters. “I…should’ve let you faceplant in the dirt, actually. That would’ve been funny.”

The beginnings of a smirk returns, and the moment is lost.

“But you didn’t.” Demetri smiles shrewdly. For Eli, actions have always spoken a little louder than words.

Eli groans. “I’m going to shove you off for real if you don’t wipe that shit-eating look off your face, man.”

“Doubt it.”

Demetri rolls his eyes, but he’s laughing as Eli pulls him the rest of the way up. When they lay down on the roof again, they’re a little closer than before.

“You know…” Demetri chuckles softly. “I’m actually kind of glad Sensei Lawrence and Mr. L didn’t let us tag along.”

“Oh yeah? Why’s that?” Eli turns to face him, smirk widening. “You think they would’ve taken a wrong turn and gotten us all lost in Chihuahua?”

Demetri shrugs. “I wouldn’t put it past them. Even Sam couldn’t save them from their own ineptitude.”

“Still can’t believe she persuaded them to let her come,” Eli mumbles.

“Samantha LaRusso is a firecracker. Also probably one of the most stubborn people I know. You’re very lucky I persuaded her to take you off her shitlist.”

“You did?” Eli sounds surprised. “How did that go?”

He shrugs. “Well, she nearly punched me a couple times. But I guess when both your boyfriend and your best dojo buddy vouch for a guy, it helps soften the grudge a bit.”

“I was surprised she went after him, to be honest. I guess I was wrong about her. She’s more loyal than I thought.”

Demetri rolls his eyes. Like Eli has any room to make judgments about romantic loyalty, considering Miguel told Demetri that Eli planned on having “an entire rotation of girls” after he broke up with Moon.

“Well, anyways,” Demetri says. “Not that I’d want to get mixed up in our Senseis’ complete lack of competence, but I mostly just like having you all to myself.”

He reaches out and pokes Eli in the chest, earning a glare.

“That so?” Eli’s glower fades, his tone teasing. “So what are you gonna do when we find El Serpiente and you have to share me again?”

Demetri gasps in mock horror. “Excuse me, bold of you to assume I’m not the one graciously lending out my best friend Miguel Diaz to you. If it weren’t for my impeccable sense of humor, he never would have even sat at our table.”

Eli chuckles. “I remember you looked so frantic when you waved him over. Like ‘oh god, when will anyone else ever want to be our friend?’ If only you knew it would be the greatest mistake of your life.”

Demetri snorts. “Hardly. I’d been waiting for ages to see Kyler get his ass handed to him. Besides, finding another person who actually gives a crap about you after, like, 10 years of most everyone hating you is well worth a karate war or two. Even, yes, if it means I don’t get Eli Moskowitz all to myself on occasion. Honestly…” He laughs, feeling suddenly hollow. “Neither of us deserve that kid.”

“Yeah.”

Eli’s smile begins to slip. Demetri knows the feeling.

It’s the same feeling he got when he went to Miyagi-Do practice and saw Amanda LaRusso hugging a sobbing Carmen Diaz. It’s the same feeling he got when he ran up to Miguel after watching him win the All-Valley, only to be almost immediately brushed aside.

The fear of losing Eli had always been loud and vicious and ruthless. It tore at him in the night and left his body trembling until morning. It sent him running to the bathroom, dry-heaving until his stomach ached. It sunk its claws into him and rooted them there. Punched them down harder when he saw Eli in the hallways with rage and hatred and cruelty in his eyes. It was a constant agony that followed him wherever he went

The fear of losing Miguel was different. Quieter. Like a parasite slowly eating its way through his insides, a small but ever-present ache in his gut. The tiny but profoundly persistent feeling that something was very, very wrong. Brief trembles and a few quick breaths and momentary bouts of nausea that seemed to be the opening act for something much worse. His mind dancing through a thousand “what ifs” and eventually drifting to the worst ones, whirring louder than an overheated laptop as it churned out hypothetical disaster after hypothetical disaster. An eternal gnawing, chipping away at him like he was a gemstone being cut for a ring. It was the storm on the horizon—thunder that made him uneasy, but didn’t scare him. Not yet.

If the fear of losing Eli had been a jump scare, or the gory, lethal slice of a killer’s axe, then the fear of losing Miguel was the slow buildup to a horrifying reveal, accompanied by a disquieting soundtrack. The constant anxiety that every corner had a monster behind it.

And right now, it’s carving a tunnel through him that’s only getting wider and wider. Demetri wonders how long it will be before he’s completely emptied out.

“I don’t think I deserve either of you,” Eli says. “Miguel always tried to be there for me. You never gave up on me. And I just…” He trails off.

Demetri snorts. “Well, only one of us was able to stomach having their back repeatedly stabbed with needles for 10+ hours. Or had the absolute balls of steel to dye their hair bright purple.”

Eli chuckles. “That’s true.”

The pit in Demetri’s stomach doesn’t take long to return.

“I’m worried about him,” he admits. “From what I picked up from Mr. L, his dad’s not a good guy. I can’t stop thinking about something happening to him out there. And especially after…”

Demetri trails off.

He knows Eli knows what he means. The fall that shattered Miguel’s back shattered both of their lives, too.

The shorter boy frowns. “Do you think he’s going to be okay?”

Demetri forces a smile, trying to contain the unease leaking through his veins again. “Come on, Eli. If anyone can handle himself out there, it’s Miguel.”

“Are we going to find him?”

Demetri senses him slipping back into the old Eli, timid and soft-spoken and waiting on his loud-mouthed other half to call the shots. It’s a tell-tale sign, he’s learned over the past few months, that his friend is stressed. Or scared.

Often both.

Demetri reaches out, giving Eli’s shoulder a squeeze. “Yes. I promise.”

Demetri Alexopoulos is not usually one to reassure. He’s always turned his nose up at idealism, dismissing anything that could turn out to be false hope. It’s hardly worth indulging in when there’s a high probability you’ll be let down.

But now…

For both his and Eli’s sakes, he needs Miguel to be all right. He needs Miguel to be safe.

Fucking hell, he needs it so badly it hurts.

He isn’t sure if it will ever be quite as bad as worrying about Eli in Cobra Kai, and whatever fucked up training and battle-conditioning and mind-twisting they did to people in there. Still, worrying about Miguel is the kind of soft torment that could kill Demetri slowly if he let it.

“I miss him,” Eli says.

“Me, too.”

“I’m scared for him, Demetri. I’m scared for him and it’s eating me up.”

Eli’s voice shakes as he says it. His eyes are slowly growing wide with terror, tears brimming in the corners.

It reminds Demetri of the olden days, for better or for worse. When he had to be the strong one. And seeing the past cycle back around unexpectedly shakes him to his core.

For all his complaints about ‘Hawk,’ the persona had given Eli a brazen, fearless streak that filled him with the fire to charge into battle. Protect his friends, crush his enemies. Now, it seemed he’d lost hold of the belief he could do either.

“Eli.” Demetri lets his voice soften as he gives his friend’s shoulder another squeeze. “You won the fucking All-Valley Karate Tournament. I made it to the semi-finals. If we find out anyone’s been messing with Miguel, we can—and will—destroy them. No mercy.”

Eli smiles weakly. It’s small, but it’s something. “Never knew you had such a Cobra side to you.”

“Well, don’t get too excited. It only comes out on special occasions.”

Eli sighs, popping his jaw a little. “It would be easier if we knew what we were up against. Like is this guy a drug lord? Some kind of mafia boss? Does he have like…a Mexican karate gang?”

Demetri chuckles. “I know,” he huffs. “Doesn’t help that I’m pretty sure Mr. El Serpiente has not answered a single text since leaving LA. The least he could do is send a courtesy ‘I’m still alive’ text.”

“Probably worried you’ll track his phone.”

“I mean yes. I would. It’s just practical. But that’s beside the point.”

Eli laughs briefly before his face slips back into a frown. He lets out a small sigh.

“It’s just a lot,” Eli says. “To deal with. Um…emotionally, I guess. That might be weird to say. But I had to tell someone.”

“Perfectly understandable. If it helps at all, this whole thing’s been hard on me, too. I’m honestly surprised I’m holding it together as much as I am.”

Demetri realizes his hand has never left Eli’s shoulder. Almost automatically, he squeezes it again.

Eli needs it tonight.

“I’m going to give Miguel the biggest lecture of his life when we find him,” Demetri mumbles. “Who does he think he is, continuously scaring the living crap out of us like this?!”

Eli gives him a courtesy chuckle, but his smile quickly fades again. A sort of heavy melancholy settles over them, like El Segundo fog under cloudy skies.

“Do you think we’d feel better if we kissed?”

Eli speaks, and the fog abruptly clears to make way for a lightning bolt of pure confusion. Demetri blinks several times, stunned into uncharacteristic silence.

“Wh—Eli, what—uh…”

He’s stuttering, completely lost for halfway articulate words. Eli lets out a frustrated sigh, like he’s explaining some complicated math concept to him for the 15th time.

“I’m just saying. You’re sad about Miguel. I’m sad about Miguel. Maybe if we got each other a little hot and bothered, we could take our minds off it.”

“You…want us to kiss?” Demetri has to actively hold back the enormous grin threatening to explode through his cheeks. “As a distraction?”

“Yeah, y’know.” He can tell Eli is trying to sound nonchalant, but his eyes are glancing anywhere but Demetri’s. “Just forget about our friend for a few minutes and indulge in some primal urges and shit. Get off for a bit. At least something can make us feel good.”

“And you’re confident enough that we’ll both be into it to the point it’ll significantly lift our spirits?”

Demetri feels panic begin to crawl through him. Panic, because he suddenly has to act nonchalant. Relaxed. Like this isn’t everything he’s ever wanted.

He’s had hope a few times, over the years. The sensitive streak. The colored hair. The over-the-top theatrics. The girl Eli was most drawn to turning out not to be straight herself.

But Eli pined over Moon and talked about picking up chicks and loved a good brawl and could yell louder than anyone and got manly tattoos of birds of prey and omens of death. None of these things seemed anything but heterosexual.

Demetri always tried to push it down. The sadness, the longing, the desperation to know what the other boy’s lean form felt like cradled in his. These past few months, Demetri had been so relieved to have Eli’s friendship back that he’d forgotten to yearn for more. He thought maybe the feelings would finally die—he could take a step back and appreciate his relationship with his best friend for what it was.

No such luck.

“Hey, I mean.” Eli scoots closer, and Demetri’s trembling so badly that he wonders if he’s going to fall off the car again. “If it helps at all, you can pretend I’m Yas.”

Demetri makes a face, whatever spell Eli was sending his way abruptly broken. “Eli, ew! What kind of pervert do you think I am that my fantasies involve kissing women who aren’t even attracted to men?”

“A pretty standard pervert, actually.” Eli smirks, and Demetri can only shake his head.

He takes a breath, hoping it doesn’t bleed through how anxious he is.

“So, uh…getting off with another guy is sufficiently badass enough for you?”

Demetri has to make sure this isn’t a joke. That Eli isn’t fucking with him. He doesn’t think he could handle it if he was.

Eli’s smirk only widens. “Is it really gay if we’re out in the middle nowhere, and no one ever sees?”

Demetri shrugs. “Yeah, all right. I’m surprised you’re down for it is all.”

“A man’s got needs. And your mouth works just as well as a chick’s. Now should I start or do you—”

Eli doesn’t finish. Demetri clutches his other shoulder and pulls him forward, slotting their lips together.

Demetri is not at all prepared for how hungry Eli is. He feels a sturdy hand work its way into his hair, yanking him closer. Eli’s other arm wraps around his waist, holding him in place more stubbornly than a roller coaster safety bar.

He slides his arms around Eli’s neck, and the other boy uses it as an excuse to push them together even further. It’s as though if he’s not touching every inch of Demetri’s body, he’ll dissolve away.

Demetri doesn’t mind. He just hopes Eli doesn’t feel his heart hammering against his ribcage. That would be embarrassing.

Demetri remembers Moon telling him about her guilt after kissing Eli at the tournament. It was a spur-of-the-moment decision, an impulse driven by sudden pity and jumping on whatever she believed would help him feel better. It did its job well enough. Like a video game power-up, it gave Eli the extra boost he needed to smash his way to a victory. Maybe if pretty girls wanted to kiss him in front of an audience, Eli was still the shit.

Moon told Demetri later that she never felt hollower. It was all for show—a simple gesture done out of love for a friend, but nothing with any real feeling or desire behind it.

This didn’t feel like a pity kiss. This didn’t feel like a “just trying to make each other feel good so we get the extra serotonin” kiss. There’s no one to show off to, no tournament they need to hype each other up to win. And Eli is clutching him too tightly and pressing against him too fiercely for this to be about nothing more than momentary pleasures.

Eli is almost kissing him like he’s been desperately longing for this, too. Almost.

Then again, Demetri knows better than to cling to false hope.

At some point they roll over, Demetri sprawled over the top of Eli like the world’s boniest blanket. They keep going, and Demetri is relatively sure he’s ascended into paradise. The dopamine soaring through him is better than the rush he gets winning a karate match. Or beating a particularly hard level of Crucible Control. Or staying up all night bingeing a new season of Doctor Who.

Sad that this is going to be the peak of his life, though. Only 17 years old, and he’s already had what is undoubtedly the best experience he ever will. It’s all downhill from here.

Demetri finally pulls away, panting and gasping for breath. Eli smiles up at him, and Demetri realizes he doesn’t need the desert sun to feel like he’s melting.

It’s faint, but there’s starlight in Eli’s eyes. A tiny piece of the endless cosmos above.

Demetri wants to cry.

“You’re pretty good.”

Eli’s smile widens as he says it—a beautiful, genuine smile, nothing like the smirks and the leers that he used to wear so well.

“So are you.” Demetri laughs softly. “I’ll give it to you, Eli. This was a good idea.”

“Yeah, obviously. Like I didn’t catch you sneaking glances to check me out the whole car ride.”

“Like you didn’t do the same with me.”

He can’t help himself. He leans down and kisses Eli again.

Apparently, it takes quite a while to get it fully out of their systems. When they’ve finally tired themselves out, Demetri pulls back and lays his head on Eli’s chest.

He feels well-muscled arms, once thinner than twigs, wrap around his torso.

His eyes slide shut, and he focuses only on the sound of the crickets, the feel of Eli’s breaths rising and falling below him. The warmth of Eli against him. The breeze drifting across his arm. The dusty smell on the wind, drizzled with the faint aroma of prickly pear. The twittering of nightjars. Cars catapulting by on the distant Carretera Hermosillo-Nogales. The occasional soft hoot of an owl.

He’s slipping into a lull when a coyote howls eerily in the distance. He lifts his head, turning to look at Eli.

“We should probably head to bed,” he says blearily. “We have to make it all the way to Mazatlán tomorrow.”

Eli groans. “Okay, okay. Get off me.”

Demetri obliges, and Eli sits up and crawls to the edge of the car roof. He tenses his legs and leaps off, disappearing from sight and landing on the dirt with a heavy thump.

When Demetri follows, he finds Eli standing below with his arms spread wide and another shit-eating grin on his face. “I’ll catch you, babe.”

Demetri rolls his eyes more dramatically than he has all night. “Right, let me just throw myself off my princess tower.”

He hurls himself off the car roof. Eli catches him, but not well.

They both land in a shrieking mass in the dirt. Before long, they’re laughing again.

Demetri stands up, offering a hand to his friend. Eli takes it, and Demetri tugs him to his feet.

Eli doesn’t pull his hand away as Demetri leads them back to the car.

Demetri wants it to mean something, his fingers locked around Eli’s. It probably doesn’t. But maybe it does.

He’ll have to hold on to that maybe.

[nctsworld]

spin me right ‘round

✩‌ johnny ‌x‌ ‌reader‌ ‌|‌ record store owner!johnny | fluff | smut | 4k‌ ‌

SUMMARY‌ ‌⇾‌ buying from the local records shop leads you to eventually bed the hot owner on the night of your first date.   WARNINGS‌ ‌⇾‌ ‌smut (in the second half), oral s*x (f and m receiving), f*ngering, johnny has a big d*ck and f*cks you hard???, office s*x in the epilogue (kind of) RATING‌ ‌⇾‌ explicit TAGLIST ⇾‌ @infnteen​ @sehunniepot​ (thought you might be interested in this nikki 👀) 

⇾ gif created by me, please don’t share or repost without credit! 

Opening the store’s door, the ringing of the bell above you signals your entrance. 

You moved into the neighbourhood recently and since someone gifted you a record player for your last birthday, you thought it’d be a quaint idea to drop by the local records shop that you always pass by on your way home.  

Rows and rows of vinyl records, organized both alphabetically and by genre, welcome you with open arms, along with a faint musty smell, likely due to the faded, vintage records hanging between the posters on the cream walls. 

The outside of the store is misleading to its size; there’s enough space here for at least thirty people easily. However, besides you, it looks like there’s only one other customer in the shop.  

Although your surroundings captivate your senses, the striking blond man bent over the rock section in the middle of the shop is the true cynosure of your eyes. 

His long fingers flutter seamlessly over the records, seeming to be on a dedicated search to find one in particular. He towers high over the low stacks and oozes coolness with a thumb stuffed in his front pocket and donning a stylish green beanie atop his medium cut locks. 

Not to mention that his jeans tug perfectly over the curvature of his prominent ass, but you merely steal a glance or two at his backside as you stroll towards the pop section. 

Okay, maybe three glances.

With your back facing the man, several minutes pass as you rummage through the sea of mainstream music, ranging from recent to old, but all the while pleasing to your tastes.  

“See anything you like?” 

Your eyes meet the figure standing nearby with a hand on the edge of one of the stack dividers. His smooth voice matches his strong aura and his gorgeous face, which you’re now blessed to be viewing up-close. 

Your gaze pursues downward, soaking up his sturdy frame hidden behind his flattering clothes. Darting your eyes up his lengthy body back to his face, you lick your lips and swallow, in hopes to dampen the sudden dryness in your throat, and naturally raise the corners of your mouth.        

“Yeah—” You, you think in the back of your head and execute a nod, “—there are a few things.” 

He smiles endearingly towards the floor before glancing back up to you. You wonder if he can read your thoughts, or maybe it’s simply written all over your face.

Releasing his grip, he says, “Take all the time you need. If you need any assistance, let me know." 

Your eyebrows perk up in realization. “Do you work here?”

“Yeah.” Bobbing his head, he runs a hand over his beanie. “I’m the owner of the store.”

“Oh, wow,” you exclaim, jaw hanging slightly. “You’re so young, I wouldn’t think someone in their 20s would have their own store, especially one like this." 

A frown falls over his face, and in that moment, you knew you fucked up any chance you had with him.  

“Yeah, 26 to be exact,” he shrugs, tight-lipped, prior to the folding of his arms. His eyes become slits of bitterness. “Thanks for the ageism."

Immediately shaking your head at the misunderstanding, you stammer, “I didn't mean it like that—"

The owner’s expression melts in an instant and a warmness emanates from him once more. The knot in your chest loosens at the sight and relief waves over.  

“I'm just playing with you, don’t worry." 

He opens his mouth, about to continue, but his attention is interrupted by the ringing at the door, and you turn to see another customer over your shoulder. The attractive individual begins to stroll over, but still faces your direction, beaming. 

“Well, if you decide to get anything, you know where to find me, and I'll ring it up for you." 

With puffed cheeks, you nod and watch him greet the incoming patron. Trying to leave the embarrassment behind you, you shift toward the records again and browse for a little longer. 

Finally deciding on a few choices, you walk toward the front register and peer over at the beanied blond. In the classical section, he’s listening intently to the bumbling customer. Not wanting to disturb them, you lay the vinyls on the counter and thankfully find a pen and a stack of sticky notes upon it. 

After sticking the following note on the top vinyl cover, you head out of the store:

“Put these on hold for me?  I'll be back for them.  Thanks!  -Miss Ageist” 

“Well, if it isn’t Miss Judgmental."

A couple of days later, you drop by the store again and find the spirited owner at the front counter. Today, he’s channeling his inner grunge style, adorning a half-up, half-down ponytail and a loose white t-shirt over a tight, long black sleeve shirt. Is it possible for him to look even cuter than he did last time? 

“Sorry again for that,” you scrunch your nose at the memory. He grabs your records from beneath the counter and rings them through. “You just look so young to own a store.”

The blond airily laughs, “I'm gonna take that as a compliment." 

He spots you twisting your mouth to one side and nodding shyly. “It is." 

As you pay for the items, he gestures to your vinyls on the counter. “Good choices, by the way.”

“Are there bad ones?” From the pay pad, you glance up at him and he’s feigning a hurt look. 

“Oh, most definitely.” 

You banter with a tilt of your head, “Isn't music subjective though?” 

“Not to me. I am the king of music taste." 

Both parties exchange laughter while you wait for the transaction to process. Once it finishes, he rips the receipt and places it into the bag with the records. 

“I mean, I do own a records store, so I think I should know." 

Flashing you his pearly whites, he hands the filled bag over to you. 

“Here you go, Miss Judgy Pants.” 

“Actually, you can call me—” You properly introduce yourself.

He leans back a little, straightening himself and tucking his thumbs into his pockets. 

“I'm John, but you can call me Johnny." 

With a glimmer in your eye, you question, “Is Johnny exclusive to me, or does everyone else also call you Johnny?”

His eyebrows raise, impressed by your straightforwardness. “I only let the pretty girls call me Johnny, if that’s what you’re asking.”  

The wink he gives is short-lived, but it’s enough to cause heat to blossom over your cheeks. You brush some hair behind your ear. 

“So, Johnny,” you enunciate, indulging in his name. “When does the store close?” 

You lift up your bag and cheekily add, “Gotta know when to break in to steal more vinyls." 

Johnny chuckles, and your heart bursts knowing you’re the reason behind it. Looking aside, his hand rubs the counter casually and you can’t help but stare at his large palm dominating the surface, along with his elongated fingers. Eyes blinking rapidly, you attempt to break the fantasy assembling in your brain—his hands are the guest stars alongside (and within) your body in the leading role. 

“I can close whenever I want to, but thanks for the heads up; I'll make sure to keep you away from the store,” he jokes.  

Catching your gaze, one of the sides of his mouth lifts. “Why do you ask?” 

Shrugging nonchalantly as you play with the handles of your dangling plastic bag, you reply, “Just wanted to know when the cute worker got off so I can potentially go on a date with him.” 

You scan around as if someone else is there in the empty store besides the two of you and point your thumb to one side, whispering teasingly, “Not you, but the other guy.” 

His tongue grazes against his bottom teeth, nodding understandingly with a deeper smirk. “The store closes at nine usually, but I can make an exception for him to get off earlier." 

Satisfied with Johnny’s answer, you bounce your head and make your way backwards toward the door.

“Sounds good, I'll be here at eight for him tomorrow night. Maybe I'll see you around then, too.” 

Granting him a wink of your own, you turn on your heels and leave. Intrigued, Johnny watches you disappear down the street through the store window. 

At 7:58 the next evening, you show up to the store. 

A customer is at the front counter finishing a purchase. As they pay for the products, the worker takes notice of you, smiling in recognition. You return the same, beaming back at him, and casually stride over to a random section to wait until they’re done. They make some small talk, so you delve in the opportunity to admire Johnny’s outfit for tonight—a tight black t-shirt that showcases his blatant pecs and a loose red plaid shirt overtop of it. 

When the customer exits, you make your way over to him as he puts on a light jacket. You lean your elbows onto the counter. 

“Surprised to see you here.” 

“Likewise," he jests back, snaking out of the counter to be in front of you. You glance at him, consuming the tall drink of water.   

Nodding to the door, you ask, “Ready to blow this popsicle stand?” 

Johnny hums affirmatively and you follow behind him outside as he flips the open sign and locks up the store.

“So, where we heading off to?” 

Informing him of what you had in mind, the two of you decide to take his car to the downtown pier. Once there, both of you grab take-out and eat together at a bench table under the clear sky and dazzling stars. Conversation comes easy, making the night fly by fast. 

While talking with him, since his hair flows freely today, he sometimes shyly brushes some of it behind his ear. Although you’re listening intently, you also ponder how it’d be if you ran your fingers through his soft, silky locks. 

Dinner eases into dessert, with the two of you having ice cream side by side on the pier railing, looking out towards the twinkling water. By the time you’re halfway finished with your cone, you hint at not wanting to end the night just yet. Agreeing with your sentiments, Johnny makes the suggestion of going back to the store. 

After finishing the ice cream, you head together back to his car. The back of your hand brushes up against his. Taking a chance, you curl the tips of your fingers around his, half-holding his hand.  

Pressing up against his arm, you whisper, “Thought you said you gotta keep me away from the store."  

He peers down at the partial hand holding and the grin he gives you reaches his eyes. He gives your hand a small squeeze, ensuring the burgeoning attraction is mutual. 

He whispers in reply, “At least this way I can keep an eye on you." 

At the shop, Johnny locks the door from inside, in case of any wandering bodies, and blasts some upbeat, electronic music onto the store speakers. Intercepting your hand, he guides you to the back corner of the store and starts to dance with you. 

At first, your bodies are separate vessels, grooving to the beat of the music, but as the songs play on, you gradually gravitate towards each other. Soon enough, one hand settles comfortably upon your waist, the other on your hip, while yours are hooked around the nape of his neck. Before you know it, you merge together as one with parted lips, finally satisfying the tension in the air and within your bodies.       

The kissing is intense, electrically charged and sending currents to the tips of your fingers. Although you’re barely acquainted, you two kiss like you’ve been deprived of each other your whole life—every kiss and every touch quenching your thirst for one another.  

Wanting to change it up, you step over to an empty counter and hop onto it. Johnny steps in the space between your legs and his lips meet yours again. You cup his face, clutching onto his strong features, and occasionally run a hand through his hair to caress his head. 

You answer inwardly to your previous thoughts, confirming the silky texture of his hair, and your touch relishes in his golden locks.  

Suddenly, his mouth channels hunger onto your neck and the electric currents divert directly to your rising arousal. At the sensation, you rashly grind your hips into Johnny’s body, and he groans heavily in the crook of your neck.  

He mumbles into your skin, “Do you wanna take this further? My place is nearby." 

Sighing further into his embrace, you half-jokingly reply, “You know, I was really looking forward to getting fucked in a records store." 

He easily breathes, “We can do that next time, I promise." 

You snicker. “Aren’t you a little presumptuous?” 

Tugging his shirt by the neckline, you force him to leave your neck and to greet your mouth instead. Pressing the top of your forehead against his, you match his gaze.   

“And what if I don't like you after tonight?”  

Something in you already knows that won’t be true, but you mischievously ask regardless. 

The simper Johnny flickers is enough to send another wave of bolts downward to your core. 

He peels his head away to bring it beside your ear. His thumb on your thigh may be gently rubbing you, but his following assurance is hoarse, absolutely drenched in pure lust.  

“Oh, you're definitely going to like me after all the things I do to you tonight." 

You barely have an opportunity to scan around his bachelor pad because his lips capture yours upon arrival. In his entryway, Johnny entangles with you, pushing you up against the wall. Impatiently, he drags you to his bedroom for the long-awaited spectacle of the night. 

After hurrying to turn on his bedside lamp, Johnny presses his weight against yours on his bed, embracing the full body contact. His lips continue to attack the terrain of your skin as he denudes you. You hum softly as he pursues south to your aching desire. Hoisting your backside and with his assistance, you’re finally completely bare. 

Sitting up at the edge of the bed, Johnny pulls his top layers off, revealing a sculpted physique, the kind that artists muse and obsess over. You knew he was fit from how his clothes constantly hugged his body, but this was just insane. 

“Holy fuck,” you murmur, staring blankly. 

Chuckling, he does the same bashful gesture from dinner—tucking some of his hair behind his ear. The gentleness is a contrast that nicely compliments his Adonis qualities. His soft side is flipped onto its backside in a second as he begins to creep his way over between your legs, his eyes darkening. 

Upon resting on his chest, you didn’t notice it before, but there’s a hair tie on his wrist, which he uses to effortlessly make himself a quick ponytail. 

With anticipation, you sigh into the kisses he leaves on your inner thigh, making his way toward your pulsing sex. When his tongue issues the first swipe, you inhale sharply with fluttering eyes. Johnny isn’t in a rush, taking his sweet time to lazily lap up your slick and learning what incites you.           

Once he has a better understanding of your desire, he dives in and devours you whole. 

Realization sweeps over as to why he has to put his hair up.

In accompaniment to the painting of your folds, Johnny spreads them gently and ensures he dunks his tongue in your wetness. One of your hands drift away from the bed sheets to one of his snaked around your upper thigh, clutching onto his fingertips in reaction to the swift rotational swirls on your raw flesh.   

He draws back, lips lustrous from your nectar, and hastily replaces his mouth with two fingers.

Your half-lidded eyes shoot wide open. His long, thick fingers fill you greatly, scissor you so far in your sex, so much that you fear what his cock is like if this is how his digits feel. 

You’re overcome with bursts of pleasure. Further bursts ensue as Johnny tongues your clit alongside the fingering. Your throaty cries and the squelches of your pussy is melodious to his ears, better than playing his favourite vinyls on the best record player he owns. The lewdness of it all overwhelms his jean-bound arousal, so Johnny retaliates by grinding against the bed.  

After Johnny retreats, he stands by the foot of the bed and starts unbuckling his belt and pants. You crawl your way over, still panting and reeling from the rush of your high. As you reach him, he drags his pants and boxer-briefs towards the floor in one-go, freeing his unsurprising lengthy girth.    

On your knees, hunched over his cock, you chuckle in disbelief. “Now that’s unfair.” 

He watches in amusement as you examine his desire with delight, before taking it into your hand, pumping it languidly. “What is?” 

You peer up, cocking an eyebrow. “Seriously? You’re hot, own a record store, really funny, and you’re packing. God really has his favourites.” 

Johnny’s about to respond, but his brain short-circuits momentarily at the pad of your thumb rubbing his precome over the tip of his blunt head. He cranes his neck back, exhaling a groan. 

“Well, what can I say? Guess I’m just-fuck—” 

You suck the words out of him. Literally. 

Your warm embrace encompasses his entirety, possessing a strong hold over him. Since you can’t possibly take him fully into your mouth, your fist solves your problem by stroking him by the base. Aiming to please, especially after his oral act from earlier, you slurp and bob your head mercilessly, disregarding the saliva leaking down the sides of your mouth. 

One of Johnny’s hands arranges your hair in a make-shift ponytail to get a clearer view of the obscene display. His hazy eyes skim over the gorgeous curves of your bent back and ass jutting high up in the air. His breathing turns heavier and he’s about to tug on your hair, motioning for you to slow down, but you thankfully come up for air just in time. 

The stately figure attacks your lips with urgency. The kiss is wet and messy from going down on one another, but it merely adds to the intensity. While lip-locked, he lowers you into his pillow once more, then stretches an arm out to his bedside stand to fish out a condom. 

He nimbly rolls on the cover, but is confused to find you back on your knees instead of laying on the bed. You grasp him by the wrist and press your fingers against his firm pecs, indicating to him to recline backward. In awe, he obediently obliges. 

Hovering over him, you suck in a breath as you line your sex up with his, cognizant that you need to acclimatize to his size. You steadily sit onto his length and when it finally reaches the end, you release a piercing groan at the deep sensation.

For a bit, you don’t move too much to get used to his great desire. In the meantime, your fingers wander over the chiseled flesh in front of you—his defined, veiny arms; his solid chest; and the valleys of his abs. 

Once you think it’s been enough, you transfer more weight onto your knees and slide on his cock with more vigor. You throw your head back in pleasure. 

On the other end, Johnny’s gaze wavers between the main action, your bouncing breasts, and your supple neck. He can’t see your face clearly, but he knows you must be enjoying this as much as him by the breathy moans that follow each thrust.    

When your legs start to tire, Johnny tries to hold you close and roll you over onto your backside. You both giggle at the unsuccessful attempt to keep himself still inside of you, but that’s an easy fix. Despite just having him within you, you gasp again at the penetration. Him being on top hits you at a different angle and you truly feel the length of his inches. 

Johnny reaches down to meet your lips. You brush your fingers over his pulled back hair as he consumes your existence. In addition to each passing drive of his body into yours, you also grip harder onto his hair in ecstasy, which leads to the unraveling of his long locks upon your face. The gold ocean of silkiness drowns your senses, the strands stroking your skin like extra caresses. 

Retreating back onto his knees and raking a hand through his tousled mane, his hands then attach to the flanks of your body and he pounds you breathless, leaving you heaving for air. 

In your dazed state, you desperately grab on to whatever you can—the sheets, his upper frame, his ass, anything. Throughout it all, your core contracts even tighter over the way his clavicle, tendons, and muscles protrude and flex like they’re about to break through his skin.  

At this point, you’re beyond delirious and definitely beyond gratified. You assume he’s about to finish when he decreases his pace and bends closer to you, but instead, he continues to still move inside of you.  

“Jesus. Fucking. Christ,” you gasp and grunt between his rough, buried thrusts. “How are you not close?” 

“I’m not ready to be done with you yet, beautiful,” Johnny rasps into your ear. You catch a glimpse of his cocked eyebrow and smirk. “Unless you can’t handle me?” 

Denying his accusation, you haul his cheeks to yours and kiss him fiercely.  

And with that, Johnny’s weight is on his knees again and he fucks you like there’s no tomorrow. 

However, Johnny might’ve been right because it doesn’t take long for you to beg repeatedly for him to come.  

“So, what’s the verdict? Still like me after that?” 

Both individuals are still nude on the bed, but now covered by a blanket. Resting on his chest, you drum your fingers over his skin in thought (as if you need to even think about an answer besides the obvious). 

Pouting up at Johnny, you say, “I’ll only like you if you keep your promise on fucking me in the store next time.” 

“Of course.” He palms your cheek and inches forward, preparing to kiss you tenderly. 

“A gentleman never breaks his promise.”  

EPILOGUE 

One month later, the record store’s business has been growing, so Johnny decides to hire one of his friends, Mark, to be a part-time worker.

Which means that Johnny has more spare time to do other things... like taking you from behind in the back office over his desk. 

“Shit, fuck,” you grip harshly onto the edges of the worn-out wooden desk as he thrusts endlessly. Even after a month of dating, your pussy still isn’t fully accustomed to the size of his girth. You’re unsure if it ever will be. 

No matter, it always feels amazing. 

“Johnny, Johnny—” 

“Johnny!” Mark’s voice suddenly cuts in and calls from outside of the office door. You immediately bite down on your lower lip to shut yourself up. “Someone’s asking me about a limited edition vinyl and I don’t know how to answer.” 

“Uhhh,” Johnny drones absentmindedly, yet jabs into you with more rigor. You bite down harder, but you can’t control the rising volume of your stifled moans. “Give me five minutes.” 

A silent beat passes. 

“Dude, are you fucking in the office again?!” the part-timer exclaims. You can practically see him shaking his head in disgust. “Ugh, I’ll give them the store’s card. Hurry up, though.”

As he walks away, you hear him faintly say, “Sometimes I think this is why you hired me...” 

Simultaneously, you both giggle heartily. Your lover pecks you lovingly on your shoulder prior to diving again into the wanton moment. 

In the end, Johnny actually spends ten more minutes with you. But he can afford the extra minutes—he is the owner of the shop, after all. 

[mythicalshipping]

There are people who are Not Okay after today’s episode of GMM, and mother effin’ liars. 

I need to get this out of my system before 2 PM PT. 

SO. 

THIS WHOLE EP I WAS LIKE:

Me on the outside 

Me on the inside

Ep thoughts will be under a cut because of length (if ya know what I mean ;) )

No, like actually, I literally look like 800 screenshots or something.

So after seeing that thumbnail I was like...what...exactly are they gonna be doing that is r*sque?!?!

Them watching the video they will be recreating and y’all...I just simply cannot. Barely into this vid and I already cannot. 

Link being h*rny af on main, and Rhett just staring at him. KAY. OKAY. THIS IS FINE AND NORMAL.

More like (h*rny nervous laughter). 

Is this projection? Am I projecting? 

Link just wanting Rhett to look at him while he speaks filth for “content.” ;) 

Link, if there was a contest for “least subtlety”...

Only the purest of thoughts today here folks. 

WHY IS DAVIN SO HOT LIKE SHUT UP DAVIN

Idk for sure with accounting for how many jump cuts there were this ep but did Link seem to get his shirt unbuttoned like unreasonably fast?

...I feel like I’ve read this fic before. 

Rhett was legit offering and then he tried to backpedal so freaking hard. Don’t even pretend you wouldn’t say yes sir. 

This is...is my post gonna get flagged by this site? XD This looks more like a thumbnail for a Video Recorded Grown Up Hugging Hub site. 

Is this also in the same realm of pretending you don’t like to receive back massages from your best friend?

The SOUND he MADE y’all am I even allowed to be watching this?!?!

Link didn’t need to say “Yeah!” like that, and Rhett didn’t need to respond like that but HERE WE FREAKING ARE. WHAT THE ACTUAL HECK. 

Rhett “I'm trying not to have feelings right now or stare at him directly by looking at him in the monitor and trying to explain my feelings away with science McLaughlin.” 

Someone is having a <i>time</i> this ep...

Rhett can only stare at the monitor as he tries to stand with his legs apart and keep his hands inconspicuously in front of him.

The tightness in Rhett’s tone and the way he immediately leans back from Link, like he doesn’t think he will be able to take it if Link looks at him in any number of ways. 

These NOISES. Can’t be GME because it’s on YouTube so let’s just call this one Good Mythical Afternoon Tea(T). 

This would make such a filthy-looking thumbnail. 

Jenga today served as a literal c*ck b*ock amirght?

RHETT SHUT UP YOU ARE MAKING IT WORSE (BETTER?)

Why do you need to know this so badly Rhett?

I mean, what if he s*anked you at the same time? Also please stop sounding so breathless I can’t. 

WHY DID HE SAY IT THIS WAY? ALL TREMBLEY AND HOT AND BOTHERED PLS HALP?

This is weirdly intimate...

OH HEAVENS. I’ve never seen a pic that so fully captures the phrase “c*me ON me bro.” 

WHAT?!?!?! ARE WE GONNA SEE HIS FULL MCLAUGHLONG??!? IS THIS ALLOWED?!?!?

I mean he *did* vow to allow Link to touch a sharp object some time within the rest of his life so...

This is like William Sonoma: After Hours p*rn.

Or maybe it’s Good Mythical Kitchen: What they do when Josh is away.

BRUH. LINK. WHY’D YOU SAY IT LIKE THAT. WHY. 

More like DIK TOK.

Rhett saying this...and all I can think of is that “girls putting their hair in ponytails” meme...>.>

Whoa whoa WHOA what?!?! (I wonder just how far Rhett’s competitiveness goes tbh...*looks at fic writers*)

When just thinking about The D is enough to knock you down. 

I’m...this screen cap is truly So Much. 

Okay apparently Rhett is also an e*hibitionist. 

Your CLIENT?!?! What in the RP and/or AU fic is this?

OH. MY. GOD. <3 

THIS WHOLE TIME LINK IS JUST SAYING THINGS LIKE...

TF IS THIS PH?!?!?!

Ah yes, always the first totally normal thing to come to mind. SURE RHETT. 

Okay but...the SYMBOLISM?!?! THE INTRICATE RITUALS?!?! ?????DSFSDAsdfa

Link being all encouraging at the end ;-;

When you’re too scared to outright flirt with your bro so you just compliment him...

...but your bro has a praise k*nk. 

What in the 2008 CGI looking a**...

O.O WHAT. WHAT?!?!?!

Oh good lord...I...

What Rhett and Jessie said to Link before they offered to lend him their “clothes pins” while they watched him sort his mail.

...Of freaking course it is. 

The burning UST in the way they look at each other. 

The fact that this is the *second* game they’ve come up with where a ball gets bounced off of the other guy’s trouser treasures. 

...Y’ALL. 

Y’ALL. 

Is this real life?

We can’t have a Just for Fans because then what would we do on our main channel?

The physical positioning of it all...

The MOAN here though?!??!!??!?!

...

HE HIT THE FLOOR (HE HIT THE FLOOR)  NEXT THING YOU KNOW LINKY GOT LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW LOW

...I have no words. Omfg. OMFG.

OKAY BUT THIS IS JUST STRAIGHT UP P*RN. 

You hungry Rhett? I know you like having something in your mouth. While I am not yet ready to present my dissertation on Rhett Has An O*al Fixation, I’m sure one of my esteemed colleagues has. 

YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. I SEEN IT. 

REALLY?!?!? THE SLO-MO?!?!?

...WHAT THE ACTUAL FLIP DO YOU MEAN BY “IN OUR LIVES?!?!” “IN OUR LIVES?!?!” AS IN LIKE “OH YEAH WE ARE GONNA ADD SOME OF THIS STUFF TO OUR HIDE AND SEEK DATE NIGHT.” 

Whew. Y’all I think I need to lie down before I even attempt to watch the More. 

[msfbgraves]

You know, I went into Cobra Kai fully believing that I would be shipping LawRusso - and I did, still do. What totally blindsided me was the Silverusso. Like holy SHIT. From the instant Terry appeared he stole the show for me - the charisma, the charm, the magnetic presence, the psychological makeup...and then, when he decided to ruin Danny-boy’s life, the chemistry between them in all their scenes was OFF THE CHARTS. 

I hadn’t seen KK3, so I watched it and what the actual fuck? Like, nothing about Terry and Daniel’s relationship in that movie is normal - even by psycho standards. It has serious Red Riding Hood and Wolf vibes - was it intentional? What were the filmmakers thinking? Was everyone on crack or something? Was this considered normal in the 80s? This is like, the most psychosexual kids movie of all time. (And any which way, the vibe between them even then was eclectic.) 

Silverusso literally ships themselves at this point, it’s absolutely mental and deranged and I’m living for it. And the thing in, I actually feel they would be SO good for each other - if Terry wasn’t fucking evil. He ruined it for himself. (Maybe that’s why in CK Daniel and Silver so often wear complimentary colours and clothing with the blues and the blacks - the parallels connecting them are so very visually delicious!)

Well, Nonny, good to know I'm not the only one because that was basically what happened to me, beat for beat. As for the vibes, I'm putting that under the cut.

On the one hand, going by two of Ralph's works I'm obsessed with, young Terry and Cuba - I think that yeah, something was going on for these things to get greenlit. What the everloving f***. I mean I am not complaining but looking at the things they didn't modernise for CK with Silverusso, which was the D/s style seduction techniques - maybe the supermarket scene but even there ("you know you liked it," sure, but Danny boy's trying very hard not to fall for it) and he is buttering up none of the other kids like he did Daniel; and the fact that young Terry has a staff of very young boys whom he talks to in the bath - that just wouldn't fly. And then just before they made Ralphie's teenage character get groomed by an adult junkie and lusted over by his father, who also dommed him around in other ways, on Broadway. And hardly anyone so much as commented on that.

I only have one explanation and that is that if kinky things do nothing for you, maybe people just don't see it. If people try to write kink - mostly to show that characters are depraved somehow - but they don't feel it, they write all kinds of leather and whips and bondage and toys and torn fishnets in Walmart and what have you. I guess people do that, I couldn't say from experience, but you don't need any of it for the vibes. Cue Thomas, who spent his entire career Domming people on screen in broad daylight, fully clothed, no matter the film, and no one ever stopped him because no one was visibly having sex or even touching.

And sure, maybe the line with "traditional" masculinity is very thin. But the clues are always in him being both very considerate and protective - he is like this off screen too - and then jokingly pulling someone to him (he did this with Ralph when he changed a handshake into a hug) or giving a lighthearted order to see if someone will let him. Just something like "Come here, you," or "Hey, stop that" with that big smile of his, nonthreatening, you can shrug that off with a smile or a shoulder squeeze and no harm done... or like Terry, you can build that into something that starts with a soft "well done" and an arm pat and ends in the bedroom, that is, if someone is receptive to that. But that doesn't read as seduction to most people, they just let it be, while Terry was feeling Daniel up and had him follow commands without question by the end of the film...

I think the CK writers on the one hand are very aware of the vibes, hence the complimentary colours, but as Thomas didn't improvise these scenes (he did in tkk3) they read a little different. I think that if Thomas had had completely free rein, Terry would not have left Daniel at the end of their fight scene, but taken him to his house to finish what he started 35 years ago.

Also, "Terry would be so good for Daniel if he weren't evil" - I think there is a very good reason Daniel married Amanda, who looks like a young Terry in female form and is no stranger to telling Daniel what to do. And I think Terry knows exactly what kind of woman Amanda is, going by their scenes together.

Honestly I think he's flattered.

[swansong-if]

i am taking a page from my pal portmuralis's book so here are some rules. please read carefully before interacting with this blog.

╭───── g e n e r a l

be respectful. be mindful that there’s a person on the other side of the screen. tone and intent are often hard to read through text, and i don’t know you, so please try to be decent (this goes for asks as well as comments/tags)

occasionally checking on the story’s progress is okay, but please don’t obsessively ask me about it; it can get demotivating. if you start being rude and demanding updates, i will give you my ko-fi info & demand payment ♡

i am not comfortable with minors under the age of 16 interacting with this blog; obviously i can’t always check but reminder that respecting other people’s boundaries is important.

if you want to chat about personal/unrelated topics, i would prefer if you did that either via direct messages or on my personal blog rather than here (since i’m trying to keep this strictly for if development)!

if you’re sending asks about potentially sensitive/triggering topics, i would appreciate if you asked beforehand to check if i’m comfortable with that particular content. and it goes both ways- i try to tag all cw, but let me know if i missed something.

╭───── R O / s t o r y  a s k s

asks about the characters/lore/worldbuilding are always appreciated & encouraged. unless stated otherwise in my bio, my inbox is always open.

if i don’t answer your ask the possible reasons are, 1) i haven’t had the time and will get to it later; 2) i haven’t received it; 3) i'm not comfortable replying for any reason; 4) the answer would be spoilers. if you think the ask was simply eaten you can resend it!

please do not gender the ROs or the MC in asks. mistakes can happen, just don’t let it become a habit because it makes other players feel excluded, so please stick to neutral terms whenever you can. [obviously this isn’t the case if you’re telling me about your playthrough experience/your own mc!]

generally speaking, i won’t be answering asks with overly specific scenarios (as in, requesting ‘personalized’ reactions catered to one’s mc)- i appreciate the enthusiasm and commitment to the story, but if it’s a custom fic for your mc you want, you can commission me!

topics i might avoid (you can send asks about them but know that there’s a chance i won’t reply): jealousy/possessiveness; cheating; pregnancy; [tbd].

╭───── n s f w / s p i c y

spicy asks are accepted. i will answer under the cut and tag as #ss: nsfk

again, use gender neutral terms whenever possible.

not a ‘rule’ but, while i’m very hardly bothered by nsfw content that’s not the same for everyone, so if you’re sending a very explicit ask try to word it as tastefully as you can!

keep nsfw asks about the characters. do not send me self-insert asks, for the love of god. we are strangers, and this is a deeply weird thing to do in any case- i don’t need nor want to hear about your s*xual preferences.

*sigh* let’s get this out of the way: i won’t answer spicy asks about the MC in swan form. sorry @ birdf*ck*rs out there. if you send them i will simply have a good laugh.

if by chance i catch a minor interacting with 18+ posts/stories, they will be blocked.

╭───── d o  N O T

first of all, do not come here to tell me you don’t like my story or me. mostly because i don’t care, but also, life is too short to waste time reading stuff you don’t like! just move on and find something better ♡

lots of people on this site seem to think they’re anton ego or something and go around offering useless & unprompted ‘advice’. i am ALWAYS here to listen and learn if someone tells me “this particular thing you wrote is harmful” or “would you consider changing this thing to make your story more accessible?” but outside of that, unless i’m asking for opinions about something don’t come here saying “i don’t like how you did this” “i prefer when authors do this” “you should change x thing about this character because i don’t like it” etc... as i am not here to please a rude stranger on the internet. shoo, go write your own story!

if you bring any kind of bigotry here, i’m blocking you and you now owe me money.

if you send me negativity about other devs, you now owe me and them money. ♡

under no circumstances send me asks about: noncon/dubcon scenarios; inc*st; predatory relationships involving minors.

[90363462]

I've Been Abstinent For 12 Years. Here's How.

Shellie R. Warren

Jan. 04, 2019 05:22PM EST

Back when I wrote my first book that included all of the reasons why abstinence is a good idea, I actually had sex with my then-boyfriend to "celebrate" the book's release. If there seems like there's some hypocrisy there, you'd be right. What was even more apparent was just how hooked onto sex I was...although I wasn't sure why at the time.

I'm not saying that's a bad thing. SEX IS AWESOME. Incomparably so. That said, the reason why I brought up my book in the first place is because there was a poem that I wrote that I featured in it. Its title? "Why Not the Prostitute?"

The gist? Why do so many people give prostitutes such a hard time when at least they seem to value their "stuff" (and their time) enough to get something out of the sexual situation? I mean, I've given my good stuff out to numerous dudes and had absolutely NO-THING — sometimes not even an orgasm — to show for it.

media1.giphy.com

No, I'm not advocating prostitution. At the same time, what I am saying is that on January 9, 2007, literally right after having sex, something in me was like, "This just isn't working for me anymore." It wasn't the sex either. It was just that…it felt like I was not enjoying it so much as using it as a coping mechanism — a pacifier.

Hmph. Yeah, "pacifier" is the right word. When a baby is upset or even impatient, some parents will put a pacifier into their mouth and, at least for the time being, everything seems all good. Let that thing fall out though, and the child is back to being upset and impatient; maybe even more than they were before. The lesson here? Pacifiers don't really "fix" anything; they just distract you for a little while. Oftentimes, just like sex.

When I decided to give abstinence a try, just to see if I could find out why sex wasn't enough for me, I told myself I would do a year. On January 9, 2019, it will be a whopping (count 'em) 12 years! 

And while I get that not everyone thinks abstinence is for them, at the same time, I do believe that if more of us tried it — even if it was just for a season — it would provide a greater sense of clarity as to what we truly want and need outside of the pleasure (and/or distraction) that sex alone provides. We'd be able to see if it might just be more of a "pacifier" than we might think.

How did I come to the conclusion that it was for me? Ironically, it was by paying attention to the steps I used to stop having sex in the first place:

I Continually Remind Myself of Why I Stopped.

I stayed in my last relationship much longer than I should have. I cared about him, but I wasn't in love. But between our friendship and the sex, I would ignore my gut that said, "You really need to end this thing."

You know what? When I look back on my sex life, in general, with most of those dudes, I ignored my gut and listened to my libido. I had this pattern of ending up with guys where — eh, 8.5 times out of 10 — the sex was outstanding but everything else was below average. Way below average.

I guess the best way to describe how I was feeling is a Maureen Dowd quote that I like a lot: "The minute you settle for less than you deserve, you get even less than you settled for."

I have girlfriends who just want sex and they're out. But when it comes to me, I wanted — needed — more than that. I felt that way back then. I still feel that way now. So on my super-horny days, I look at the tat on the inside of my right forearm (Matthew 13:45-46; my birthstone is a pearl so if you look it up, it'll make sense) and remind myself that I stopped because I want more than good sex. I want a solid — and super-lasting — connection.

Related Articles:

You Can't Sex It Away: A D*ck Appointment Is Not An Antidepressant – Read More

I Tried Masturbating For 7 Days As An Act Of Self-Care - Here's How It Went – Read More

After the Breakup: How To Avoid Giving In To The 'Hoe Phase' – Read More

Tiffany Haddish Gets Real About Soul Ties & So Should We – Read More

Featured image by Getty Images

Next Page 

Nick Cannon Reveals Latest Pregnancy Inspired Him To Be Celibate - xoNecole: Women&#39;s Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›

4 Lessons We Learned After Practicing Celibacy For Over 3 Years ... ›

4 Reasons To Be Celibate (That Don't Involve Religion) | YourTango ›

7 Women on Choosing to Be Celibate ›

What a Year of Abstinence Taught Me - Man Repeller ›

To Be Abstinent is About Willingness, Not Struggle – Overeaters ... ›

Choosing Abstinence After You've Already Had Sex - Sex, Etc. ›

What happens to men who stay abstinent until marriage? ›

How to be fabulously and unapologetically abstinent - Bedsider ›

Tips on Maintaining Sexual Abstinence ›

Like xoNecole on Facebook

Sent from my iPhone

[sweetlittlegingy]

The new chapter is so heartbreakingly beautiful! The flashbacks literally made me tear up. My heart was hurting reading this, I had to re read some lines. Maty witnessing it and running straight to his daddy, Jake wanting to kill Adam no one not even Maverick trying to stop him from shooting him until Nat talks him down and then Jake saying “how is it fair”, Bradley punching him when he was badmouthing reader and Maty, got secondhand embarrassment when Adam was trying to punch Jake, reader wanting to cut her hair has never hit so close to home for me - my ex would always pull my hair in a violent manner “to get my attention” so when i left him I cut my hair and now I don’t really like people touching it, when I always loved my hair being played with. How the hell does he know about Josephine and Baby Elliot?! It’s bad enough that he nearly killed the reader but to threaten an unborn baby is just truly sick I really hope he chokes on a d!ck. I absolutely love your writing your so talented!❤️

May I be added to your taglist please?x

My love, I am so sorry that you had to experience that with your ex. I did as well and cut my hair off the day the relationship was over. It was the most freeing thing and Sweets deserves to be free. 🥹

The flashbacks were very hard, so you're not alone. I was crying like a baby. I was also crying when Jake had a little breakdown, I feel like it's very accurate. Especially for cannon Jake, I feel like he's been taught to suppress his emotions and has a hard time being vulnerable. So just him crying and reliving the death of Elliot was too much...

Also, the internet is how Adam found out. Whether it was a fake account, one of his family members, or he was on someone's account other than Sweets. She has the bitch blocked.

Finally, I actually no longer have a taglist... if you follow @sweetlittlegingylibrary I only post updates there, so if your notifications are on you won't miss a thing! I hope that's okay.

But I'm so happy that you love the series and enjoyed the emotional roller coaster. I started writing for myself and now I write your you guys! Seeing comments and hearing your guy's take on it, just makes my day! 🤍🤍

[hopefullystillatheatrestudent]

this might be a weird thought but the way jensen performs masculinity (and i KNOW it’s a performance cause like, have you SEEN the mockumentary?) is just.... so inherently queer to me lmao

ok. okokokokokok. you asked for this. i have a LOT of thoughts on this. it’s gonna be under a cut because i’m gonna be annoying and psychoanalyse a celebrity i’ve never met(and hope i never do) but trust and believe when i tell you i know what i’m talking about so

you want my opinion? here goes. there is absolutely no way jensen ackles is straight. i hear you, ‘how do you know that he’s bi? that’s invasive and creepy’ but may i counter that point by saying how do you know he’s straight???? why is the default for everyone heterosexual? that’s a toxic mentality to have; ‘oh you don’t know for sure so just treat him like he’s 100% straight just in case’ like....what? heteronormativity drives me wild i’m sorry

and also, um, just to, um, prove my point that this man is decidedly not straight™(i really don’t want to do this but like it has to be said) we KNOW he’s not straight because his d*ck has spoken for itself around misha, like, four times. I HATE SAYING IT!!!!!!! but, um, straight men don’t get aroused by men. ...do i really need to explain myself further???? that’s what i thought(and don’t give me the ‘it could have been for unrelated reasons’ or ‘that wasn’t a boner!’ crap because um good lord yes it was and misha caused every single one so no it wasn’t a coincidence i’m gonna move on before i collapse into myself like a dying star)

anyway, on to the topic at hand which is jensen and his performative masculinity. and it’s a juicy one.

after the unconscious amount of hours i’ve put into watching and subconsciously judging jackles, i have come to the conclusion that like, 90% of how he presents himself and talks and even moves is an act. it’s a facade. it’s a shield. he is not that person. it actually seems exhausting, because he tries to compose himself in this macho, manly, confident and effortlessly cool way, but he’s not that person he desperately wishes he was and wants to be perceived as. he’s on guard every second, even the slightest tilt of his head is like, pre-meditated in some way? if i’m going FULL body language analyst mode, i’ve noticed he has a certain posture he always shifts himself into, and it’s very ‘pursed lips, stoic faced, gruff voiced, square-shoulder, broad and manly’ but, not to be rude jensen, it kind of reads as a little kid imitating the adults he thinks are cool? oof i am going IN huh(it’s out of love though i promise)

he is trying to be this person at every second:

because that’s who he wishes he was, because that’s how he gets validation from the people around him that he looks up to; straight white guys. but to me, who he presents himself to be at conventions is just as much of a performance as this whole eye of the tiger bit is.

oh i should mention i know his body language isn’t naturally like that because how he naturally carries himself is actually pretty flamboyant? like he seriously must be toning himself down HARD

examples:

there’s no tension in his body here as opposed to the eye of the tiger gif. i’d describe it as...generally loose and free? he’s at ease when he moves like that and you can see it.

oh and dude!!! DUDE!!!! how could i not mention the fucking SPECTACLE that is his voice??? jensen. i watched season one. i know where your voice naturally sits. THAT IS NOT WHAT YOU SOUND LIKE. and there have been so many accounts of fans visiting jensen in his trailer and being surprised that his real voice is two octaves higher. again, his performance of masculinity is all encompassing. he can’t even talk normally because, in his mind, that’s a chink in his armour.

and, like you said, anon, this whole smokes-and-mirrors gong show of ‘i am the cool texan man’ is inherently queer. who are you trying to impress??? guys??? that’s pretty gay dude.(btw: gay[honorary])

i feel like i’ve already read this man for filth but i have to keep going bc i have so much to say

ok next thing i’m gonna talk about is how jensen says one thing but everything else about him tells us the exact opposite. another HUGE element of performative masculinity, ONE THAT DEAN WINCHESTER IS A MASTER OF. have i mentioned how dean and jensen are like mirrors of each other when it comes to their sexuality and queer identity??? because it is fascinating how everything i say about jensen also directly applies to dean.

allow me to introduce the grumpy face™. as in, the face he glues on when he’s enjoying doing something but doesn’t want to let anyone know it. and it’s ALWAYS when he’s doing something that could be seen as unmanly in any way. (and when i say manly i mean the ‘ideal’ version of manhood that doesn’t really exist but that jensen seems to be striving for[and dean too])

prime example is this video he did with daneel. the grumpy face™ doesn’t budge the whole time as he’s like,,,,playing an instrument and acting like he doesn’t want to bc i guess that’s too girly??? but i also find this video fascinating because the joke IN it is kind of that they’re both poking fun at him for being so insecure about playing a freaking flute. because, i mean, he gets into it, but he wants you to think he is not.

also this picture.

what is this. i hate them. jensen is smushing himself into misha’s forehead but noooo his face is telling us ‘i hate this’ because CLEARLY he does. also misha’s so happy ew gross

he does that face in photo ops with misha ALL THE TIME but how many times has he also literally asked the con goers if he can also have those photos on his phone too? because of course he actually loves touching misha and is actually a sentimental fool but he tries so hard to hide it and fails so spectacularly.

oh and this. and of COURSE this. actually let’s talk about the hitch kiss for a hot minute because it’s a perfect example of exactly what i’m talking about

(he is so transparent guys. he tries so hard but he’s so obvious.)

1. misha was never supposed to be onstage with him. so it’s a boldface LIE and OBVIOUS PLOY TO GET MISHA TO KISS HIM when he says ‘they’d like us to make out now’. but of course the way he says it is ‘oh my god can you believe what these crazy panel people are making us do haha but i mean what they say goes amirite’. same energy as ‘oh my god did you just dare us to kiss rn???’ ‘....no i didn’t’ ‘oh my god i can’t believe you’d ask that haha but i can’t say no to a dare lol’ it’s the SAME THING

2. the fact that he was in the worst mood before misha came onstage and FAKE KISSING HIM made him feel...SO?? much better? like not just a little better a lot better like, again, that says a lot, because if they weren’t dating he would not be in a better mood if misha kissed his cheek unprompted. bc that cheek kiss wasn’t a joke it was a genuine sign of affection and AHHHH

3. after the kiss happens. you know, the one that jensen actively leans into and is smiling like an idiot the whole time through and is quite clearly having the time of his life during....he says ‘well, that was uncomfortable’. .......my guy. um. i don’t know how to tell you that i do in fact have eyes and you are NOT pulling the fast one you think you are

like i’m so sorry jensen but i have you pegged. it’s literally no use.

god there’s so many instances of him doing this with misha specifically. the whole ‘ew gross lol’ but then everything about him tells us the exact opposite. like this(i hate this. how dare he say ‘he has though, hasn’t he?’ LIKE THAT?????)

so yeah my point with that is he really wants us to think he is one thing when he is the antithesis of what he’s trying to be. he really likes those things that he talks down about, and everything he’s loudly projecting is all to hide how he really feels. he went to a gay bar with daneel, for crying out loud. he wants to play a role in drag. he’s queer and he likes it. pov: you’re jensen ackles train of thought: ‘ok so i really like this thing that people might make fun of me for or call me gay for liking so if i just say ‘lol as if’ and make a grossed-out face they will be FOOLED. i am a genius. hey misha wanna blow on my ear lol i meAN GROSS EW’

i have two more things i want to talk about when it comes to this topic so PLEASE bear with me anon this is why you took so long to answer clearly lmao

ok so we’re now going to go over my favorite hot take of all time. which is ‘how do we know dean’s performing masculinity? because sam isn’t.’ only replace dean with jensen and sam with jared and oh my god do we ever have a case

jared is as STRAIGHT as they come. he is secure in that knowledge. and that’s why he is perfectly comfortable treating misha like this:

and not try to scream ‘i am not enjoying doing this!!!!!!’ at us. because he doesn’t care what we think of his sexuality like jensen does(because he has nothing to hide whereas jensen DOES)

something i found the other day that no one has brought up but i SCREAMED upon finding it is this one clip THAT I CAN’T FIND OH GOD but i promise i’m not making it up. i can’t believe i can’t find it guys it is gold. i need need NEED to talk about it. and if anyone knows what i’m referencing and can apply links in any way i will love you forever but here’s what happens off the top of my head:

ok so i’m a bit too braindead to explain it perfectly but um basically it’s a j2 panel and someone brings up magic mike and i think jared says ‘yeah i didn’t watch it’ and then jensen says ‘all the way through’. stupid joke. whatever. the joke is that jared is gay for watching magic mike.

and then i literally kid you not. jared gets this like ‘jesus christ ok dude? lol’ look on his face and then goes ‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ and jensen gets a guilty look on his face and walks away. and jared did not say it as a joke. he was being dead pan and earnest. and jensen knew it too, he knew he was projecting. i wish i could show you guys the clip i promise if i ever find it i’ll link it but IS THAT NOT SO DAMNING FOR JENSEN????? like come ON. also proves my point that when you compare how they feel about watching magic mike. jared doesn’t care bc watching it just doesn’t interest him, but he also thinks that just watching it in itself doesn’t make you gay. jensen however.......has a different mindset, clearly.

‘projecting much, mr. ackles?’ is actually a great title for my next and FINAL section(we’re almost there folks) which is how jensen projects his insecurites about his own sexuality and relationship with misha onto misha.

i hope by now we’ve all seen this video of jensen impersonating cas. it is a blatant microaggression on his part. and like obviously homophobic. it’s like in his mind if he makes fun of them for being gay it makes them both less gay somehow??? it’s self-deprecation in a way??? let’s just tell it like it is: that impression was just jensen’s overt internalized homophobia rearing it’s ugly head. he does it a LOT too when it comes to misha.

i mean:

and that whole mess where he’s making fun of misha for being a bottom in their panel in 2016? ‘so you’re saying, like with football terms, there’s a handler and there’s a receiver heheheehe’ jensen you’re not exempt from being gay just because you know football terms lmao

oh and his OTHER impression of misha where he mocks him for...bicycling...because it’s not a manly enough sport??? jensen NO ONE else has ever thought this hard in their lives about what constitutes as masculine enough to be a sport before. that’s all you bud. we don’t find those jokes nearly as funny as you do. you are reaching, sir

the good news is that misha thinks it’s hilarious and knows it’s projecting on jensen’s part and will tease him endlessly for it. many stories come to mind, like that one photo op story where they’re literally dressed in rainbow banners and pride stickers but when misha goes to hold his hand jensen said something like ‘no way’ and then misha stepped back, put his hands on his hips and went ‘that’s the part that’s too gay for you???’ and jensen LOST it

or when that whole underwear thing happened(messy messY MESSY BTW) and then a fan asked a question about what dean and cas would do in rome and misha just said ‘when in rome’ and jensen makes a face like ‘are you serious’ and then misha says ‘you can’t look at me like that anymore, because of what you did!!!!!!’

OH and that whole story about when misha suggested they put jensen in the closet for that cat video....yeah um

and then when jensen was asked to do bisexual finger guns for a photo op and the con goer said ‘he looks bisexual here’ and misha literally said ‘oh he definitely looks bisexual here. i would say he’s actually closer to the gay side of the spectrum’ so..um...make with that as you will

OH MY GOD i’m finally done. wow. WOW. that was a lot. i hope i’ve blown your minds. ty anon i really wanted to talk about this and i hope you’re happy with the outcome!!!!!!