#I am still figuring things out
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Listen I’ll never fully complain about people liking a post over reblogging bc yknow any interaction is a nice thing. But I think in my case it’s less about making other people see thing exposure whatever and more just that like I wanna hear thoughts. I like tags I like comments. Bc I am showing u thing I made, thing I wrote or drew, thing I had a lot of feelings about, and now I am sharing it with you! I am sharing my thoughts and feelings with you. I want you to share back with me. I want to know if people are excited with me about thing! Do we share emotions? Will you get excited with me 🤨? It is a vulnerable thing, showing other people something I have made, even if it is maybe not the prettiest thing. because part of me is there, a thought a feeling etc etc. even the sillies. I share my sillies with you bc it makes me laugh and I want to make someone else laugh. I want to share the feeling!
And perhaps a like or a quiet reblog is someone else’s way of expressing their feelings. I have to remind myself that a lot of people do not experience or express emotions at the same intensity that I tend to do! Or that people get shy. I get very shy and nervous. But it Also kind of makes me sad when people say they are afraid to communicate with me 🤔 as in too nervous to approach or find me intimidating or something. I don’t demand contact! But I do not want to make people feel bad with my presence :(
#pmmm m m m m Mm I think this post sounds different from norma#because I am very very tired and aboht to fall asleep!!!!!!#I am just typing out my stream of consciousness rn#I think I am trying to understand my own feelings actually#so it helps me to write it out#and maybe I want to be understood by other people too#I am still figuring things out#dw aboht it i am mostly tAlking to myself right now!!!!#it is ok if you don’t understand. because I am sleepy 😴
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Funny little comic I made while trying to figure out how to draw these queers
#dungeon meshi#dunmeshi#delicious in dungeon#marcille dungeon meshi#marcille dunmeshi#marcille donato#delicious in dungeon marcille#falin dungeon meshi#falin dunmeshi#falin touden#delicious in dungeon falin#chimera falin#falin fanart#marcille fanart#falin x marcille#farcille#marcille x falin#artists on tumblr#mini comic#I also figured out how to draw sketchy like#I rather like it#it’s certainly a quick way to draw a cool lookin thing#also I know falin is thin that’s my L#I was still trying to figure out how to draw her#tbf i still am but I’m better at it now#the more I draw her the more powerful I get
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Sometimes at work it's not my place to tell people the things I want to say, and I find I often go home at the end of the rougher days to stand blankly in my shower and tell myself over and over what I wish I could pass on.
This accomplishes very little, and mostly just gives me a tension headache, but through it all I think I've narrowed myself down to a few solid things I'd like to tell people the most.
You can't change people. Not permanently, not for anythig. You can support them, encourage them, love them, give them tools and opportunities and resources, but you can't make them change. They can change themselves if they want to, but they have to want to, and they have to want it for themselves, because they're the only one that's certain to be with them forever.
For better or worse, you make your own choices, and blaming bad choices on others doesn't only work to absolve you of responsibility- it also robs you of control. Because if you say you only did something because I did something, then you arent only shifting blame- you're admitting that you cannot control yourself, that you cannot truly make choices for yourself, that other people can control you- and as long as you truly beleive that, you'll keep facing the same problems over and over. You'll keep letting others dictate your choices, because you'll beleive that they can, and you'll never be free.
White knights on horseback are from fairytales. Nobody can help you if ou're not willing to help yourself. To try, to put the dirty work in, to belive you're worth that effort- Act as though nobody is coming to save you. From a struggle, from pain, from bad relationships, from yourself. And when you do save yourself, because you will, because failure here isn't an option if you want to survive, you'll never find another dragon that can keep you prisoner.
Don't say anything to anyone that you wouldn't want them remembering forever.
Doing the right thing in bad circumstances is hard. It's the hardest thing. But if you make the choice to do that hard thing anyways, despite your fear, you'll go on the rest of your like knowing that you're the sort of person who did something.
The present only seems the hardest because the past I over and the future hasn't happened.
There's so much joy ahead of you, the kind you can't possibly understand until you see it yourself.
The responsibility of consequences is often disguised as the power of permission. "I won't do this if you help me", "I'll work on my anger if you do this for me", "I promised you I'd quit, but can I have just one?". The unspoken question is, "Can it be your fault if this goes badly?"
You cant make someone love you the way you need to be loved. Someone can love you very much and still be bad for you, even if you love them very much in return. Two people can love each other very, very much, and try their very best, and still be wrong for each other.
Sometimes being near to someone changes you, even in good ways, and the people you become don't fit together as well as the people you were.
Caring takes work. Even if it's real. Especially if it's real. And the most important gestures aren't the grand, poetic, songs-and-flowers-and-tears moments; they're getting out of bed even though you don't want to. Paying attention to things you don't enjoy. Scrubbing pans, or opening a window, saying "thank-you", or helping carry groceries into the house. The small things fill the big things- without the small, boring, mediocre things, big things feel hollow.
Thrre is honour and dignity in humble work.
If you are a cruel and spiteful person, then you will find every place you visit to be full of the same cruel, spiteful people. This is not because the world is as cruel as you, but because everywhere you are, you will be disliked. This is the curse that comes with being persistently cruel and spiteful.
If you are a kind and ppsitive person, you will repeatedly encounter kind and positive people, because as they grow familiar with you, they will be happier to have you near. This is the reward of being a kind and positive person.
When splitting paths with loved ones, briefly or forever, aim for your last words to always be "I love you".
#I'm still so young and ignorant#but I wish someone had told ME these things before I had to learn them#And now when shit goes south and everything is over and calm again the same things just roll though my head#Over and over and over#It's like everyone I meet has the same 3 problems and its ruining their lives#I just want to take everyone I meet by the shoulders and shake them#I KNOW why this is happening to you#Do you realize you can be better?#Do you realize you can do it?#Aren't you terrified of wasting your life like this?#*I* want to be happier#*I* used to be so much worse than I am#And I don't have it all figured out#But if we all decide to help ourselves then it'll be that much easier to help each other#Right?#It's so hard to lift dead weight#You need to kick against the waves with me#You need to WANT to float#Do you understand#Ugh it's 6am#This has been your overdramatic midnight ramble#Imma grill me a cheese and go back to bed#Blaurfhgh
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oooooooooough i love you i love you i love you!!!! hand in loving hand !!!!!!
#mine#cats#i was like losing it over th colouring yesterday like this SUCKS and then looked at it 2day n was like. anyway#ive been unstoppable since ive figured out how 2 do glowy things#me n my partner went ice skating this evening !! so so fun#i love how girls will just peacefully hang out in the centre ice doing spins n boys will fast and furious skate around at 100mph#like we dont need to be doing all that#as soon as i see a boy w hockey skates enter the ice i am now leaving the ice#anyway....i got a slightly dubious fantasy audiobook 2day we will....see...how it is#whenever i read a fantasy book written by a man my hackles are up i am scenting the air i am growling#have i finished assassins fate u ask.....no :3#its been sitting at 30% for like 4 months i cant bring myself 2 read more KJBDSSK#there is like so much book left. so much that can go wrong#i will finish it soon i prommy i prommy...n then listen 2 th tawny man audiobooks :3#ngl this fitz n fool trilogy isnt super doing it 4 me im not finding it as Invigorating for sm reason#still good !! but def my least fave of th three trilogies#anyway. i am going 2 bed
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KIM KITSURAGI - “Is that. My kineema.”
COMPOSURE [Medium: Success] - Something in him is about to break, *big time*.
EMPATHY - And it’s not going to be pretty, do something!
- DRAMA [Formidable] - Everything is fine!
- “Sure is.”
DRAMA [Formidable: Failure] - Surely he’s aware that he’s not the *only* person in the world who owns a Kineema?
YOU - “Is it really *yours*? I mean, plenty of people have their own Kineemas, right? Like working men, government offices, uh, firefighters I guess, maybe even animal control people? Exactly! A million different people who could’ve driven it into the uh…”
DRAMA - Pause, my liege! Ixnay on the Ineemakay!
YOU - “It could even be our *mysterious* joyrider!”
KIM KITSURAGI - Your frenzied babbling falls deaf to the lieutenant's ears. Instead, he approaches the broken vehicle, sunken in the ice. He moves with a caution and gentleness you haven’t seen him display before.
INLAND EMPIRE - It must be cold and lonely down there, in the icy water. Maybe he could sense its sorrow, calling to him…
PERCEPTION (SIGHT) [Easy: Success] - His hands, which are always stiffly placed behind his back, are trembling.
ENDURANCE - This is the shuffle of a tired, tired man.
HALF LIGHT - He’s going to do something drastic because of you. Oh god, terrible! You’re a terrible liar! You can’t look at this, you just can’t!
VOLITION [Formidable: Success] - It's not *you* who drove his kineema into the sea. You have plenty of faults, but this one is decidedly not yours.
KIM KITSURAGI - He kneels down with his head bowed, casting his face in shadow. He plants a hand on the ice to stabilize himself, squinting to get a better view of the motor carriage. “Detective, it says ‘57’ on it.”
YOU - Sweat drips down your brow, and you feel a terrible headache coming. “Maybe our joyrider has an affinity for that number?”
LOGIC - He's not stupid, he knows that it's not that.
KIM KITSURAGI - “57.”
YOU - “What about 57?”, you brace yourself.
KIM KITSURAGI - “Precinct 57.”
YOU - You wince. “Kim, look-”
KIM KITSURAGI - “When I woke up in the Whirling-in-Rags with no memory of what happened during the days before, I've taken note that something of mine has gone missing.” He grits his teeth. "A very. Important. Something."
He runs his hands over his face, messing his already unkempt hair in the process. Regret creeps up on his features. “God. Fuck. They’re going to fire me over this, they’re not going to hear me out.”
EMPATHY - Desperation settles in the lieutenant's tone. Sadly, you find yourself in agreement, even if you don’t want it to be the truth.
YOU - “People are more valuable than machines, Kim.”
KIM KITSURAGI - “Not people like me.” He rasps.
YOU - “…”
KIM KITSURAGI - Before you can say anything more, you fail to notice the lieutenant carefully walking onto the edge of the ice. He looks over the frigid water, a dizzying blue that mirrors and distorts his exhausted face back to him.
YOU - “Kim?”
KIM KITSURAGI - Seconds pass as he looks to be contemplating something. Out of nowhere, he casually takes another step where the ice ends and the sea begins. It happens all too quick for the lieutenant to even voice a call for help— if he even wanted to — his body plunging into the cold water before your eyes.
YOU - “KIM!!!!”
uhhh bonus stuff? sorry i have swap au brainworms pfttt
(im not sure what skills kim has at the moment so rn he only has narration as his inner monologue ok whoops, i would like to keep harry as the guy who thinks in dialogue trees so im still figuring it out pfttt)
also, this was done bc i wanted to expand on these old scribbles of mine, just like an idea, i just think that he'd be having an even worse time wheezes
#disco elysium#kim kitsuragi#harry du bois#den's disco swap#disco elysium role swap#HI nobody look at the fact that. i am a novice writer at best DFGHJFGH#i had idea for some comic dialogue but it ended up being this instead whoops. i mean i could still draw this as a comic#anyways. i was like. trying to reverse engineer my idea of how kim can change into his bomber jacket instead of his uniform.#which. i dont think you can do with just simple convincing bc that thing is fused to him in spirit so there has to be like a good reason wh#oh it gets ruined! how? it gets like wet or smth! how'd that happened? he threw himself into the sea#also isnt it fitting that my memory problems is making me not remember the things that happen in disco elysium very well wheezes#so whoops if the characterization is a lil off lmaoooooo#but i have been trying to figure out how i want harry to be in this swap au#i dont think he's as well as he wants you to believe he is. and just the image of him pushing this 'youre allowed to be in denial about +#this' to kim about the kineema was so vivid in my head and idk if that tracks but hell. its in there now dfghdjfg#sunnysidedraws#sunnysidedisco
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little freak that showed up on my canvas and kept multiplying
#my art#tloz#a link to the past#link#I drew that second thing sometime before christmas but my bunny was so so uncanney so I. tried to figure out how to goof up a bunny#the new one might still be wonky but it's a lot less scary I promise hdfuhds#it was fun but I think the only one that hit the look I wanted was the first one I did (grumpy sideways) dhsifdsu#drawing animals is such a mystery.... when am I gonna awaken my inner furry so I can fix this problem....
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Constantly plagued with thoughts of Edwin now knowing he enjoys being courted and Charles (compulsive charmer) with a whole new arsenal up his sleeve (laser focus on Monty’s whole deal)
“I mean, my smile is prett-y convincing” yeah yeah okay I can see where this is heading. Outlook not so good (for me)
#and the thing is#Charles wouldn’t even be actively or intentionally doing it to woo Edwin. that’s not on his radar what’s he need to do that for.#he’s just Like That#an artist perfecting his art form you could say#Edwin knows! obviously. which is even more satisfying bc#he gets to be on the receiving end of All That AND he gets to be a massive bitch about it#the scathing commentary is directly proportional to how pleased he is#which CHARLES knows#Charles said nothing would change!!! and nothing has they’re still /them/#maybe he’s even working on figuring the rest out. that’s not important.#someone fucking put me down already I am constantly so pained#dead boy detectives#Charles Rowland#Edwin Payne#dbda#don’t think I’ve ever used a ship tag on a post before but hey#payneland#I say hi
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they really put alicent in bridgerton blue on the reunion and genuinely expected me to think that she didn’t in fact march all the way to dragonstone to get wifed up? bfr
#I am only a girl living in a society#I make connections#she looks so pretty in blue though I want more#also you’re telling me that rhaenyra saw her walk in all cute looking to not completely crumble at the sight of her?#like my girl got all dolled up for you do something#rhaenyra IS a puppy dog when it comes to those bambi eyes shut up#Alicent was like you think you want her? I’m the love of your life you moron#and rhaenyra is like I KNOW#like she’s been trying to get the other woman to realize that very thing for the last 15+ years#and alicent’s all heartbroken like oh so you’re taking her to wife#and rhaenyra is like nO? WHAT?? all dumb and speechless cause jealous alicent was definitely not on her bingo card this year#whilst also having her own mental breakdown#because how on earth is she meant to explain this to her councel#or jace for that matter#that sure was goint to be a fun future conversation to have with her heir#but also Alicent just strutted into the room and started acting like a scorned wife?#which left rhaenyra feeling like the asshole parent who stopped paying for child support after the divorce#but also she never wanted a divorce in the first place?? and alicent doesn’t seem to get this?#like she’s already figuring out how to most efficiently empty daemon’s chambers for the woman to move in permanently#but alicent’s still yapping off about not having a place in court anymore and fleeing across the sea#and rhaenyra can’t help the bitter taste in her mouth as she states how that ship came in a little too late for them and it is messyyyy#hotd leaks#house of the dragon leaks#hotd spoilers#house of the dragon#house of the dragon spoilers#rhaenicent#alicent hightower#rhaenyra targaryen#bridgerton
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Happy Valentine's Day! (and this blog's first post anniversary!)
#poorly drawn mdzs#better drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#Woah...it's been a whole *year* since I took the leap and uploaded my 'first attempt' art.#It's outdated now but it holds a special place in my heart for the fact it started all of this off.#Calling this 'poorly-drawn' was always about accepting that my art was going to be imperfect and messy - and doing it anyways!#There has been a staggering number of times I have drawn something I almost didn't upload because I didn't think it was 'good enough'#only for someone to say they liked it - or that it made them laugh. And it has helped me realize -#-The worst critic for my work has always been myself. If I listened to it all the time...well we would not be here now B'*)#And now that I have dabbled in other fandoms I can truly see how lucky was to start out with the MXTX fans.#The supportive messages and tags have truly been a guiding force toward my artistic and self improvement.#I really can't describe how grateful I am.#Thank you for seeing something worth rooting for when I was just figuring things out.#Thank you for being sweeter than the candy I have strategically hidden in the nooks and crannies of this house.#But watch out! If you forget to find them we will get ants.#I remembered to not hide chocolate in the bed this year. Yes I know it melted last time. Yes it did stain. I'm still sorry.#Thank you for loving me regardless <3 Even if it looked like I shit the bed real bad.
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Eddie finally lets Jeff talk him into going on this blind date. It's not like he's against dating, he just doesn't expect fireworks from an hour of small talk over an overpriced dinner, y'know? Jeff swore by this guy, though, assuring Eddie that they would hit it off, but Eddie will never know because the guy doesn't show.
That's right, he gets stood up, Jeff texts him a string of apologies saying the guy chickened out. So Eddie’s just sitting there alone, trying not to sulk when the waitress asks if he's still waiting to order. Fuck it, he refuses to be the most miserable person in the restaurant, looking around to find someone equally as pathetic, and lo and behold:
Three tables away, there's a guy getting dumped.
Eddie eavesdrops because he has nothing better to do. It’s a pretty standard breakup. Sounds like they haven't been together long and things fizzled out. Neither of them seem to be invested enough to try and salvage it.
"Aren't you gonna say anything, Steve?"
No, Steve isn't. He just sits there while his former boyfriend leaves, doesn't try to stop him at all. Not in a hardened douchebag way, but in a dejected 'why do I even bother' way that Eddie knows all about.
And well, Eddie might be a cynic but his curiosity isn't dead. This Steve is far too pretty to be getting dumped in a seafood place and Eddie has to know what the deal is. It leads him right over to Steve's table. He looks up at Eddie, not quite dead behind the eyes yet, but maybe a little lonely. Just needs a spark.
"Alright well, something tells me that a stranger bugging you won't be the worst thing to happen to you tonight, so I'm just gonna take this empty seat and maybe we can help each other figure out why we're both alone on a Friday night. What do you say?"
Steve blinks, a little taken back at first, then he matches the nonchalance that Eddie's so good at faking with a smirk and a shrug, "Depends. Do you have all night?"
Turns out, Jeff was right about one thing, Eddie does hit it off with someone and it doesn't take all night. They leave the restaurant together, spend hours just walking the town and even breaking into a park after hours. It's the most fun Eddie's had in a while, and even though he doesn't get a goodnight kiss just yet, he gets a second date, which is even better.
He walks home with a skip in his step and a fire in his belly that he hasn't felt in years. He never thought he'd be so glad to get stood up before.
#modern au but like 2000s romcom you know#when trying to help figure out why the other is ‘undateable’ turns into ‘you’re perfect why am i not dating you?’ real quick#steddie#eddie munson#steve harrington#my fics#steddie ficlet#steddie fic#steddie headcanons#rueswriting#steve x eddie#stranger things#meet cute#yes jeff still takes credit at the wedding for setting them up#mp
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day after tomorrow
(whee finally posting the finished version of this piece! i originally designed it for a cd charm where you can rotate wolfwood like the gif but then i figured there should be a still version too where you can pretend everything is happy and nothing hurts :))
#vashwood#trigun#trigun maximum#vash the stampede#nicholas d wolfwood#trigun maximum spoilers#trimax#trimax spoilers#uuuhhh i forgot the little tab thing isn't supposed to rotate but i am not remaking the gif so pls pretend you do not see it#god i am SO excited for this cd charm you have no idea#figuring out how to format and line everything up to make the rotation work squeezed all the juice out of my poor little braincells#but it was worth it (i hope lmao)#my art#mine#merch stuff#also if you're wondering where the church went in the gif dw it's still there!! that is both a promise and a threat :)#(it'll be on the back side of the charm)
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he is just. so shaped. so so so So shaped.
#im Attempting some new tactics#it doesnt really show! but i am!#starting to fuck around w/ watercolor brushes...#holding him up like a little bee and saying I Just Think He's Neat!#< i jest! i think much much more about him#that i cannot share without devolving into an incoherent mess!#so. i just think he's neat :]c#scribble salad#welcome home#welcome home puppet show#frank frankly#im also trying... to do... (dramatic thunderclap) BACKGROUNDS#i know i know. very scary. they're still very messy#but... i like objects? i like Things? i like to look at a page and see put together clutter!#maximalism babey!#which is deadly when you're an artist methinks. but. whats one more agony added onto the rest!#it will be a while until i figure out how to Accomplish that put-together clutter....#im still bad at colors! im trying to swim before i can walk! Yikes!
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Thought process on Chuuya & Dazai
#♡#fanart#Artist on tumblr#文スト#bungou stray dogs#bsd#Genshin Impact#原神#StrayDogsImpact#Chuuya#Nakahara Chuuya#Dazai#Dazai Osamu#Genshin X BSD#I have been gone for a while now & i apologize#things have been hell in my life but i am still standing#& i might open commissions too as well#when i figure out how to do them properly & shit
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visit
#kylux#kylo ren#armitage hux#still learning their faces... augh...#didnt draw their gloves simply bc i missed shading hands i apologise orz#one thing i am struggling with but find very interesting#is how drawing kylo it seems he is made of all these harsh dark lines#with very high contrast#vs hux who has much less contrast and looks weird w heavy dark lines#so it's hard to bridge the gap stylistically between the two of them#hopefully i will figure it out...#BUT it is a very enticing difference#my art#also since im late to the actual game of making kylux art i will probably be retreading sooo much ground#🫡 nothing i can do about it... bc i want to retread classics....
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Part 1
#legend of zelda#skyward sword#echoes of wisdom#loz echoes of wisdom#loz skyward sword#legend of zelda link#loz link#Echoes of Heroes AU#Since it finally got a proper name#Also hi- hello-#spoilers for echoes of wisdom#that were completely unintentional#because I am not joking when I say that I had the story-line for this based off of trailer info only!#and then I played the game and realized my fiance and I were just a little TOO on the nose with some things#I received positive feedback in terms of a comic for the new AU#and unlike lost woods I'm going to try and make it more of an ongoing story#or...something#i'm still figuring it out#anyway please enjoy!#Echoes of Wisdom Link is called Echo by the way#ALSO TO THOSE WHO SENT IN REQUESTS I AM GETTING THEM DONE JUST VERY VERY SLOWLY#EoH comic
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princess luigi! it’s important to me that his dress have an empire waist with the flowy off-the-shoulder sleeve thingies. i think it suits him well 💚
#still figuring out how to draw peasley bear with me#smb#prince peasley#luigi#no id#luigi x peasley#giddly’s art#i am . still going through it irl so to anyone whom i have ignored or to whom i owe things to: i am deeply sorry#all i have energy for rn is self indulgent stuff hurriedly drawn during breaks so im very sorry 😭#anyway how about that peasley ass. i gotta respect a man in a mini skirt
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