#I am so small please please hold me
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Hey Piano!
The other day I was looking through Mario movie stuff (A.k.a how I spend most of my free time) and I came across this!
It’s more of a size chart but we still kinda get an idea of how tall everyone is in the movie….so yeah!
Okay, the height difference between Mario and Peach has me convinced that Mario is definitely shorter than 5'1 in this universe. I added a red line here to represent how tall Mario would actually be without his hat:
If each line represented one foot, Mario would be about 5'4, but if that were the case Princess Peach would be 7 feet tall, and Bowser would be almost 12 feet tall (if we're including his shell.)
It is commonly believed that Princess Peach is 6 foot. So, If we recalculate accordingly... that would mean that each line represents roughly 10.3 inches. Based on this assumption, I present to you the new canon heights of the Mario cast:
Do what you will with this information.
#What's crazy is Bowser is both BIGGER than I thought and the Mario bros are smaller than I thought#which I should've seen coming since Bowser was easily able to hold Luigi in one hand#...But Mario... oh Mario I'm so so sorry but how are you so small I'm losing my mind#But I am also very bad at math so if my numbers are off please feel free to correct me#Mario Movie#super mario bros#the super mario brothers#Mario#Luigi#Bowser#Princess Peach#Kamek#Toad#luigi1o27632#askbox
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I love when Aziraphale is excited about stuff, he gets so extremely giddy about it. I don't trust people who don't like Aziraphale he is literally the most cutie patotie ever like look at him. This is who you're hating on. Do you also hate puppies or what
#I will NOT stand any Aziraphale slander#and no this is not me babying him or dumbing him down btw#he is also a fucking baddass and FAR too many people look past that#but her whimsy has captivated me amd I am holding her so gently in my hands#I love when a character gets excited about seemingly small things and just loves existence in general#MORE OF THAT PLEASE#good omens aziraphale#aziraphale#good omens#good omens tv#good omens 2#good omens season 2#gomens#aziraphale good omens#scatterbrained rambles
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I work with somebody about once a week who is so fascinating to me, especially when they are at our first desk. When someone walks in, they do not so much as smile or look at them, much less greet them. When someone leaves, they don't do anything either. If someone says, "Thank you," they say, "Sure," and if someone says, "Have a good one," they say, "Sure."
Listen. I don't know if it's because I was born and raised in the South for over three decades or because I was the front-facing customer-service-driven person at my previous jobs for a grand total of eight years. But I wince and get a little flappy anxious every time. What do you mean, you're not greeting people warmly so they're smiling as soon as they come through the door? What do you mean, you don't thank them for coming, wish them a good day, and bid them farewell? What do you mean, you just don't interact with the public unless forced, even in our front-facing job?
I think the amiable Southern politeness is just too engrained in me. There is no getting rid of it. And I'm kind of hoping that eventually I can work my way up to having more shifts at our first desk instead of our second because it's a lot weirder to gently greet someone from a distance when the employee closest to them is not paying them a single bit of mind.
#please do not misunderstand me this is not me criticizing people who have social anxiety or autism or are uncomfortable with small talk#i have and am all of those things in fact#it's just me reflecting on the cultural differences between the south and the midwest that i have discovered so far#people are startled when i hold the door open for them if i go in before them and they're close behind me#and my coworkers seem alarmed sometimes when i greet people with a beaming smile and try to make conversation#i still can't stop myself from smiling and making eye contact with someone if we pass on the sidewalk#i force myself to talk at a reasonable pace and not jump in and interrupt people with 'yeah' or 'sure' like i'm impatient with them#and part of it is my upbringing but also part of it is that we are painfully in need of funding and donations#and literally the only thing i can do in that regard is make people feel so happy to be in our building that they keep coming back#and they develop relationships with the staff and attend our programs and finally see how much more we could do#if we had just a little bit more help#augh i really love my job y'all and i really hope i can keep doing well there and get more hours and responsibility and money#i come home every day feeling fuzzy and smiling even if i am absolutely exhausted as well#my ramblings
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I know little of the Keepers and their cultural norms, but I suppose it should not come as a surprise that matters of grooming and personal maintenance should carry a more pragmatic connotation for those who live in such isolation - or perhaps our friend is simply strange, regardless of his context. I must admit: it was no small comfort to me, in those frigid days heralding the twilight of the Dragonsong War, to discover that our champion did not share our Sharlayan intuition toward personal space. Our more guarded companions don't always share my gratitude for the attention, but I believe that after our long estrangement, even the coldest of hearts could not fail to be warmed by such a gesture.
Wolcred Week 2024 Day 1: Warmth | Home
ok as mentioned in the tags i didnt have time to render a complete scene for this but i found this old mspaint sketch that demonstrates the Vibe. tyagoa just walked up behind him after cleaning up from their meal
#ffxiv#wolcred#wolcred week#wolcred week 2024#valerianart#caption is alphinaud journal entry#please imagine everyone is making camp and sitting down i simply did not have time to draw the wider context U_U#to be perfectly transparent i am doing the prompts kind of ass backwards and the degree of effort varies#but come sit with me and imagine#we can hold hands if you want#anyway tyagoa does a lot of Fussing post-vault#at the time it's really the only tell that things are. well. you know how things are.#i think little grieving alphie would soak that up like a sponge but it would come as quite the shock to the other returning scions#shtola probably had to set some polite but firm boundaries#but tyagoa would appreciate that#he likes knowing what his friends like#and vhasoa was frequently touch-averse so he doesnt take it as an insult or anything#anyway i think it's a combo of [gestures to heavensward] and the way that traveling through the wilderness with a small group feels like#well#like home to him#that kind of shortcuts through all the Eorzean Social Customs that he's learned to navigate#i hc his tribe as being very casually tactile with each other#to the extent that something like this doesn't even register as intimacy#not to him anyway LOL
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Got inspired to revisit this FEH comic redraw I did when it first dropped! Specifically these panels:
Ended up freestyling that second Xane though LMFAOO he is just so impish to me...
If you wanna get Old Art Jumpscared I'll also include the original sketch under cut!
AAAAAAAAA JUMPSACRE AAAAAAAAAHHH!!!!
In a way though, I'm glad that I dropped it and picked it up again later... like I feel like this isn't even from that long ago (guy who has no sense of the passage of time voice), but the characterization and even design of Moe is so different. The Scrunch and :< face were game changers for it LMFAOOO (also just making it autisticer 👍)
Beyond that I think everyone looks a lot better and closer to how I envision them, esp Loki!
#fire emblem#feh#please do not the moe. it doesn't like it :(#TRIED. to capture that really pretty hair gradient that's in loki's mythic but idk if i got it#i am really satisfied w the little changes i made to xane's pallette though! his halloween alt is just. So Red LMFAO#WHICH. UNDERSTANDABLE. that is his signature color. i feel like just a few changes pull it together more though#which does tempt me to do a full body art of him...... but don't hold me to it LMFAO#ALSO DAMN....... moe interactions with other charas that aren't the askr siblings/unofficial extended family.......#like in universe it probably happens frequently/casually but. it's rare for me to actually draw it LMFAOO#i just.... always have the askr siblings on my mind.......#also i am just deeply in love w alfonse here like. this WAS the initial pose i was imagining when i first drew this#i ended up cropping it so much though. wasn't as skilled in Drawing Really Small yet#also just. i feel like there's more layers here w the updated moe characterization like. he's not just In Too Deep for the summoner#he knows it really doesn't like that (being touched ESP without warning/permission).#like beyond his own feelings he has a reason to be so intensely protective. which i'm also sure#is what he tells himself.#they just have a really funny dynamic. that i hope shines through every now and again! 😅#fe alfonse#fe xane#fe loki#moe tag#summoner oc#my art#my comics
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thinking about older women
#hey auntie 👉🏾👈🏾#some of them b dancing on that line and i am looking respectfully (´ . .̫ . `) ♡#many such cases... giggling at how often w how many ppl aksjak family friends.. or it be ur own family 💀💕#someone's mom would joke about snatching me up like 😭😶🌫️ ma'am first of all .. would#and the touchy prima (〒﹏〒) ♡ yes please put ur hands on me i am so comfortable with physical contact ( ꈍᴗꈍ) let me hold ur hand ♡#🚶🏾♀️ being hot is nice sometimes#the forbidden fruit... hey tía (´ . .̫ . `) 👉🏾👈🏾💕#some of the exchanges I've had were so 😵💫😵💫 ma'am.. i got a lil crush on u.#← not my actual family. i do not have one. engaging in one from this perspective is a lil different yfm 🚶🏾♀️u don't have to get it#or maybe u do idk im zooted rn and feeling rly gay abt aunties and older women in general okay 😩💕#i need to go sweet talk someone's tía i know she's looking beautiful tonight 🚶🏾♀️ i see u girl. i love ur hair your nails are beautiful#i love your color coordination you have such good fashion sense ( ꈍᴗꈍ) ♡#ur earrings are so pretty i love your necklace i love your bracelets (。ノω\。) lemme go help y'all cook or I'll make the drinks whateve#let's talk.. ♡#Lupe... what are you up to these days 😩💕 my favorite. a family friend#i kinda see family friends as family too sorta bc my fam was p small when i did have one so a friend would be a basically auntie#but also not.. technically. so ╮(. ❛ ᴗ ❛.)╭ idk. they r tías 2 me though and i love them.#they r so nicey 2 me 。:゚(;´∩`;)゚:。 ♡#she wanted me to say her name n talk to her in Spanish a lil bit and she ate it up 😵💫 (。ノω\。) ♡ she loved the way i say her name#i had such a crush on her omfg. low-key but not but yeah but respectfully..
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Quick tribute to my favorite but mostly forgotten form! All hail the small furry thing!
#Tonari of Jananda#The Small Furry Thing#my art#Mole Interest#Tonari Dalton#Fumetsu No Anata E#To Your Eternity#to you the immortal#Here I am inserting Tonari in places she doesn’t really NEED to be lmao#but like technically the mole DID come from Jananda so I mean there’s no one better than her to hold him#Anyway all hail the small furry thing. Fushi calling it that and just how cute it is made Moles my favorite animal now lmao#so this trend is like. crazy convenient for me to finally get a chance to express that bahaha#I follow the person who started the tag so I was sitting on the idea all night#so yeah please take this very quickly scribbled lil thing idk how to feel about it in terms of quality but fuck it! it makes me happy!
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Moana 2 trailer spoilers
"Why didn't you bring the pig last time?" -Maui
I'll tell you why
W
Cause the pig was BORING!! The pig is every other Disney princess sidekick that's cute but otherwise forgettable. I cheered internally SO HARD when the chicken came with her instead!
I had a chicken like Hei hei, so this was an amazing addition. An arrow is shot at him, *curiously and comically pecks at it*
What would have the pig done? The boring logical thing of squeal and hide Probably. He's cute, but predictable and dull. Would have added nothing to the trip other than an extra face.
Leave the pig at home, or give it an actual purpose. The chicken was at least comedy relief.
#moana 2 trailer spoilers#please leave the pig unless you plan to breed it for pork#i am so serious rn#i king of hated the pig really#the chicken was funny#and it was logical that bird hadnt been eaten yet since he has no meat on him#sour speaks#small rant#i honestly have many grievances about this movie#specifically the chief dad actually#but they did right with the chicken and it annoys me that theyre trying “fix” the pig “plot hole”#yes people are calling her leaving the pig behind a plot hold#im calling it the right choice#she didnt know if she'd return#i wouldnt have brought a pet on a trip to essentially sea mordor#also it was just a good writers choice#moana 2#pua
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hey. what the fuck is up with Ratchet and Clank merch
#ratchet and clank#I was like ‘I have literally three pieces of merch of R&C despite it being my special interest since elementary school I should fix that’#*goes online* the fucking horrors#what do you MEAN everything is at least $100 dollars or more??? excuse me???#the employee exclusive one is almost always over a thousand dollars. y’all see the one priced like a small car right.#the fucking PLUSHIES ARE A HUNDRED DOLLARS???#why.#the TINY FUCKING PIN IS $90????#btw the three pieces I have are the Funko Pops (I am not a huge Funko Pop person but I saw them release and pre-ordered them for my b-day)#and then the Ratchet and Clank art book. that is all#I have all of the games but like. that’s not /merch/ per se it’s the actual series content#actually I take it back I no longer have all the games bc I’m missing the very first game in physical copy + the PSP games + the PS4-5 ones#and I am the most fucking rabid Ratchet and Clank fan. I am autism insane about it. and I don’t have ANYTHING#do you see how much of a tragedy this is. do you understand how damaging this is to me every single day#that I do not have a Clank plushie to hold. a Ratchet plushie to keep him company. and an Alister Azimuth action figure to abuse.#my goal is to make that video essay I’ve had in my brain for years and make Insomniac feel so seen that they gift me something.#bc of the heartfelt please of a disabled poor person that has loved their series so much all their life#I’m going to punch through a steel wall
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,
#i hate when i'm like “wow i am experiencing such strong emotions right now. what if i drew about it”#and i take pencil to my empty canvas. and she turns up blank. like#SDKJFHKSDJHFSDF#how am i meant to get out this energy. surely i'm not expected to just Hold Onto all this#i need to lay in a field so it might seep back into the earth#let me put it all down. please skjfdhg#i should go rekindle my horsebutch skills and go ride away never to be seen again#sorry fellas it was 8 pm on a tuesday i was feeling a lot#small moment yk#sap says#might del later
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So when is the good time to start pushing my "Horatio is heavily aroace coded + any hints of allo stuff were deliberately withdrawn from the initial script + Mark separately mentioned Horatio has no interest in romance" agenda?
#p#please. I have been quiet about it for so long#do you know how happy it made me to learn a character i love was deliberately written this way#aroace rep is nonexistent to this day. in part because its nearly impossible to prove a lack of something without explicitly stating it#and then a small robot game from a decade ago goes ahead and just. does it. its subtle. its there. its perfect#i have a lot of thoughts on this topic in general. can you tell#too used to having to defend the scraps i hold close to my heart where others can simply point at effortlessly added proof#ill probably delete this later and go quiet about this again. imagine being vocal about aroace stuff in 2023. cringe am i right
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Daily Log 5
Trying out (probably just temporarily) making short daily-ish notes about things, in an attempt to see if it helps me be more reflective or productive lol.
Activities: Not much, I had to run errands most of the day and also felt incredibly tired, probably because the cats woke me up like 4 times last night begging for food and things. Overly warm and headachey a lot.
I planted a few new flowers, and pressed more flowers and clovers in my Large Sturdy Flower Pressing Book as well.
Actually worked on translating the text for the previously mentioned tapestry/painting thing. I think I've decided that it doesn't really matter very much, because nobody else even knows anything about this conlang except for me, so they won't know if it's wrong lol.. It is not entirely completed after all (complete enough to translate most simple sentences into consistently, but also there are a few spots here and there where I haven't fully worked out the way some part of speech actually functions or etc., or I wrote down one thing that later contradicts something else, so occasionally I reach a sentence that I'm not sure exactly which rule to follow to translate, and I need to do a larger comprehensive organization of the document to work out all the kinks and declare officially like 'THIS is the ONE way this is done' etc. etc.) - so because of that, I think I'll just kind of 'do my best' and if the rules now end up changing in the future as I further work on the language, then, that's fine, because nobody can read it anyway lol. Kind of like that song on my side music youtube that's sung in genuine Avirrekava lyrics but also I wrote them years ago and some of the sentences have now become outdated/invalid.
Washed and cleaned some kale so it will be dry for me to maybe make silly kale chips tomorrow.
Final proofreading + posting of the poll adventure thing.
eughh,, literally nothing else.. I hate running errands because it always makes me feel drained and sick after, plus I get nothing else done all day except for just going places. I know checking my p.o. box and picking up cat food and stuff is technically still a productive action, but it just feels like.. i should be getting all of my long term projects done instead lol.. what about the videos?? or worldbuilding?? what does grocery shopping have to do with elves??!?! >:V (aside from pretending to be a group of fantasy creatures evaluating produce having an imaginary conversation with yourself at the store ghghj,, but that is not productive either lol)
Notable sights: Found 13 four leaf clovers, and 2 five leaf clovers, though one of them is almost a 6 leaf (like one of the leaves is nearly split all the way into a sort of heart shape, just not entirely). Also two of the clovers are HUGE, probably the biggest 4 leaf clovers I've ever collected, like 2 inches across maybe. The sky was very pretty a lot with big fluffy white clouds. Not a 'sight' really, but I got to sit in air conditioning for a little while today and it was very nice. I love the cold crisp kind of stale air smell, like walking into a freezer or something (which I used to do when I was a kid, I would sneak into a walk-in freezer at a school cafeteria and just sit there for a while lol), it's comforting to me.
Goals moving forward: Consistent sleep schedule. Focus on social activities, finding new friends in the places I want to move, communicating with ones I have. Physical therapy exercises. Plant nasturtiums. Finish and upload videos, edit costume pictures & etc. Do the new costumes I've planned. MAKE SCULPTURES at some point, I miss them.
Notable foods: Had a bit of smoked gouda and green onions in my Mandated Completely Plain Flavorless Grits For Breakfast this morning, as a littol treat lol.. Tried a 'biscoff' ice cream bar, which is generally a flavor profile I like, but I think I would usually rather be eating a cookie than having ice cream. Also an Ensure nutritional drink, which I know most people consider gross but I genuinely like them.. maybe it's like a source of comfort when my stomach is too sick to eat, like 'oh well at least I can have this cold smooth textured chalky chocolate thing' lol.
Sort of like how I have positive conditioning to feel safe/comfortable in bathrooms (due to it usually being one of the only places you can safely retreat from a social situation or get out of crowds in public areas, etc.), even though rationally I have no particular reason to like bathrooms much, and most people dislike public bathrooms especially. Fellow public bathroom and ensure nutritional shake lovers unite! (3 of us in the entire world)
#just posting these publicly since it feels more like I'm doing something or easier to hold yourself accountable if you make public#declarations of goals and progress or etc. .. perhaps.. for now..#Not sure if this is helping me be more productive#though I think it might in some ways help me appreciate things around me more. Since I'm kind of collecting 'notable' sights or smells#or things. sometimes through the day I'm looking around my environment trying to spot anything whimsical or wonderful or pleasing#I could see this excercise possiblyhelping people pick out more positives around them and appreciate small things in life more#I kind of already do that (very meticulous slow moving person who notices tiny details in everything) so I'm not sure if it's any more than#I usually would but.. eh?? maybe??#Still craving a ton of hearty foods lol my body is so so so deficient in something right now and I'm being very cool about it#I have a very high level of self control (so like am very responsible good at managing money and getting placeson time and planning and#etc. and abstaining from things if necessary (like wearing a mask and cutting out certain activities during a pandemice#or not eating something now that might hurt my stomach later etc. etc.) so It's not much of a problem but#if not... I would probably be ordering in so much random fast food and stuff or something ghh#Even before I was put on a restrictive diet by my doctors I still never ate out very much for money reasons#Usually once a month or less. this includes stuff like coffees (can be made at home cheaper) or drinks or etc.#Especially with the cost of things going up so much now I'm kind of glad I've already built in that habit#/have never known or gotten used to anything else - because if not I feel like it would be a real shock or like a struggle#I have friends that order in food for like every single meal and it's only getting more and more expensive#so I guess it's kind of releiving to not really have the prospect of that stress as much (though things in the grocery store#are still expensive too so.. even if you're cooking at home. You do save money but its STILL a strain with the current#economy). ANYWAY... maybe sometimes it is good to be miserly and poor.. if I had unlimited money and a spending habit or something#I could go through with ordering ribs and chicken wings and 5 plates of lasagna and a burrito and udon and etc. and eat it all at once#and then have such a bad stomach pains I have to go to the hospital lol#ANYWAY...#daily log
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GUESS WHOS GODS FAVORITE MACROPHILE
#IN THE MOST SFW WAY POSSIBLE OFC. I#IM#ARHABEHJAJEHHAJA PLEASE#I AM SO SMALL PLEASE PICK ME UP AND HOLD ME#AND GIVE ME SNACKS AND STUFF#ramblez
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I am so upset with myself because playing YLAD I was picking up so many lines where I was like "hehe Joon-gi Han autistic" and I WAS gonna post about it make a funny little essay but I never got around to it because I'm a lazy fuck. But then Infinite Wealth rolls around and it makes it SO obvious like Joon-gi Han dropped his mask and is just so obviously autistic. Like I could've reblogged my own post like "HA! I KNEW IT!" but no those ramblings are confined to DMs with my best friend who has to deal with me going like ☝️😏 this guy is autistic because I SAID SO! For like. Any character ever. So does that even count? Who knows maybe I'll post it anyway but reframe it as "He was always like this btw" hm. Tons to ponder. But I'm still mad at myself.
#not even gonna grace this post wih proper tagging except for my own#bc i ced so#I'm ngl so many joon-gi han posts I didn't like bc it kinda painted him as just a cool guy and ignored the silly that's inside#and i hate hate hate hate HATE being that guy like. haha i better i like him longer and in the correct way. because that's a STUPID thought!#but sometimes it felt like i was the only one who understood his true whimsy. and now everyone finally gets it yay!#and i wanna be like I TOLD YOU SO but i am such a nothing in this already small fandom so no one will care that i have correct opinions#my opinions are good and my ass is fat pls pls pls#the biggest pain was finding people who are big joon-gi han fans but they actually prefer 6han#like he's cool and all but WHAT ABOUT THE WHIMSY!!! THE WHIMSY!!!! PLEASE!!!!!#there's like one fellow han fan where I'm holding hands with him in my mind like. YAY! finally! similar opinions yippee yippee!!#shout out that one guy#and ofc my best friend. my lover even. for dealing with me talking about this man nonstop.
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Not A Joke, Not Unreality:
A company called Quantum Fiber (under Century Link) recently set up my home town for fiber optic internet. I got them a month ago and aside from a few outages it was decent.
Last week, it went out. They sent me a super specific time it would be back-
They failed to make it and sent another, minutes later.
And another when that failed.
And over the week, more and more.
I called and they just read me the same email out loud. They offered no escalation or resources. Every time, they fail. I have not had internet for my house in a week, and this morning I got this one-
I looked into other people having the same problem and found this-
Edit forgot link
That's not something called a "766" line, that's them fucking up my city 766 times. This company is fucking shit, and I'm sick of this. I've filed an FCC complaint but those take a month to even get a reply.
So I'm hoping my 173,365 followers can help make this show of their ineptitude and callousness go viral. Please.
They are in a time of massive expansion into many new states and cities. I am asking anyone so inclined with a few minutes to spare to find your town or state's government information technology office or liaison, or just a local government representative of any kind, and write them a quick note stating that this company destroys town utilities and offers absolute frustrating failures of service in return.
If you have Quantum Fiber and have been similarly failed by them, please file an FCC complaint. You might at least get a free month out of it.
If you work with a news source or popular blog, please boost this however you can.
If you are on any app on which they are present, please feel free to write or tag them and let them know they have failed their customers and cities they work with.
Please do not engage in threats or harassment of any form. Keep this legal, civil, and proper so that it can create a legal basis and record of good citizen interaction on the part of this company's victims. I am asking for help in a grassroots campaign, not a violent or prank-filled heap that just gets people in trouble. AND DO NOT FOR ANY REASON EVER PESTER THE WORKERS, PHONE REPS AND TECHNICIANS THEY HAVE OUT THERE. This is the corporation's fault, not the poor folks they employ who they likely try to make take the backlash.
If you have any other ideas on how to hold a mega-corp responsible for the shit they put their customers through, please comment and recommend. I am sick of this shit. I know there are worse things happening and even worse companies doing horrid things right now. But maybe this one is new/small enough that a viral campaign can kick them where it hurts and get them to act more responsibly to their customers and safely to the places they work.
Please help if you have time. Please spread this in the hopes they see it and get off their butts and fix their horrible shit. Any random reblog or post on any platform might be the one their investors hear of.
Thank you anyone for anything you can do.
-Ari
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Circus
What if I broke my spine forever? My sister would come into the room to draw her portraits in charcoal, of two bulging eyes in a sea of haze grey. Each portrait is no bigger than an index card, arranged on a piece of rigid stock paper, tessellated and horribly consistent. All those dead eyes staring out at her as she renders them incapable of telling her anything. “I hate you” she would say to me, every time she would finish another. “You’ve ruined it. You’ve completely ruined it.” She would storm out the room, echoing for complete lack of furniture, and I would be left alone with them to watch over me.
I would ask you to pick me up and you would do so carefully, my limp body soft and complete. Can you carry me, lay me on the mattress in the back of the house? Or on the ground, it doesn’t make a difference to me. Sometimes I think you don’t believe I can’t feel anything and most of the time I don’t believe you can imagine what that’s like.
“Crush me” I tell you. I can only blink my eyes and move my mouth. I could probably wiggle my ears if I tried but I never feel up to it. You would gently press down on my breasts and my rib cage.
“Can you feel that?”
I slowly move my head left to right and back again.
I think about outside and what it feels like to be there. The treetops and the june-bugs and the hatred I feel for summertime. Everyone has gone on without me.
“Hit me.”
You look at me like you don’t want to but I know where your wonder hides, in the small places like a boy afraid of his own shadow.
You punch me in my side, my arm, my stomach.
“Can you feel that?”
I smile so big like I’m at the circus.
“Cut me.”
“What?”
“Cut me.”
You look down at me on the mattress. Here I am, unmoving and so horny.
“Please, baby, if I never ask anything of you ever again, just cut me.”
Wonder-boy takes his buck knife and carves a small canyon on my upper thigh. I wouldn’t know if I hadn’t watched him do it.
“Again.”
He looks me in my eyes as he separates another layer of subcutaneous. It is pink and red and yellow and blue and disgusting. I am butter and cottage cheese inside.
He stands there over me, belt unbuckled, denim undone, sweating, afraid, wonder creeping out for a closer look. His eyes are wild, so far from the fog of mine. Yet, we both want the very same thing. He removes his penis from his clothes and his clothes from his body and he slides it, hard as stone, back and forth through the gushing flesh of my upper thigh. I can’t feel a thing but I could cum just from watching. I have my own wonder too. The air in the room is hung from the ceiling unmoving like a puppet sleeping on his gallows. I am so lucky that he loves me, I am I am I am. He fucks my butchered leg like a stray dog and I cum over and over and over again watching him.
We embrace like kin in the hospital waiting room. “I am so lucky that he loves me” I think as he holds me. Despite the bright red picture I’ve painted in the white lobby tonight, they ask of me just five minutes. I don’t mind. If I don’t look, it makes no difference to me.
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