#I am so not used to seeing this person in the mirror or in a photo that I look respectfully

[starberry-cupcake]

We're back! again, if these silly recaps help lift your mood in any way, it makes me very happy ♥ I baked chocolate chip cookies for this so imagine I'm sharing them with you 🍪

previously, in harrowcita del 9:

this happened

also @unexpected-tigers linked me to an official house quiz and I did it so, if you want to know what I got and how I answered, I'll add it under "read more" after the recap

CHAPTER 44

listen, I need to start listing things I got right and things I got wrong but I forget at this point what I said

you're gonna have to remind me if I got something right and I didn't catch it because I remember what I got wrong more easily than what I got right

such is life

I'll do my best to try to tally but

I got wrong the narrator, I assumed that, because they were insulting harrow, it might be harrow too

but I forgot about gideon also being a pro at insulting harrow so, guess what?

IT WAS GIDEON

WELCOME BACK, BABE, WE MISSED YOU

CRYING TEARS OF JOY

of actual joy, not mercygirl-joy

to be fair, the narration was very different from gideon's perspective, to account for 1) the twist and 2) the fact that gideon's gideon-ness came out more and more as she got closer to the surface of perception in harrow's body

something she kind of explains later

but yeah, I got that wrong

however, I did get the purgatory situation of canaan house somewhat right and I forgot to mention it last time

ANYWAY, BACK TO GIDEON

CUE 'I AM THE BEST' BY 2NE1 IN THE BACKGROUND

someone stabbed harrow from the back, which is very shitty behavior from whoever it was

so gideon comes back into the real world with the immediate danger of her vessel, necromancer and partner in crime having been stabbed

and she was "left behind" because harrow is back in her canaan purgatory river bubble

with her ghostie ghoulie friends

gideon immediately finds out that harrow can't fight for shit

she's determined to kick the stabber's ass but it's gonna be hard when she's used to her massive guns and ninja warrior disposition and she's inside the body of a baby kitten

gideon's very eloquent commentary is "Fuck. Oh, shit. Oh, fucking hell. Help. Yuck. Aaaargh."

it's so nice to have her back :')

she's talking to harrow in the second person, as she's been doing all this time unbeknownst to those of us who didn't catch it

"which proves that you can put the swordfighter into the necromancer but you can't, wait, hang on"

god, I missed her

gideon is also coming to terms with the fact that harrowcita has regenerating abilities now

she is very angry at the awful state in which her two handed sword is

if you knew, gideon, about the relationship between harrow and your sword and how layered it was...

"Harrowhark, I gave you my whole life and you didn't even want it"

so gideon starts taking control of the situation because the beast is chasing them

absolutely no chill over here in the emperor's bolthole

and by "them" I mean gideon and harrow because idk where the everliving fuck everyone else is

I know the emperor is hiding in weenie hut jr but the rest are supposed to be fighting

except for whoever was going around stabbing people

and idk where not!dulcinea is at this point either

maybe someone's using her to stab harrow idk, I'll never stop blaming her for things, even indirectly

gideon is doing a great job with what she has available because she's "a good girl and you're an evil nun"

she's also still going on about harrow leaving her behind and saying "you never got rid of being so absolutely fucking goddamn sad"

chisus christ gideon, tell us how you really feel about her

gideon looks at herself in the mirror and sees harrow with her eyes and her expressions, which is very uncanny valley

"This was your shell, but it was all filled up with me. God, the double entendres were hard to resist"

yandere twin would appreciate that one, I think, maybe

gideon proceeds to taunt harrow to come back by using her voice to say things like "Oooooh, Palamedes. I am measurably less intelligent than you. Put your tongue in my mouth and I'll flop my tongue against it."

"Ohhhhhrr, Gideon. I was so dumb to think a tub of ancient freezer meat was my girlfriend. Please show me how to do a press-up. Also, I'm very obviously attracted to y—"

no no, by all means, go on

please, gideon, go on with that idea, let's see where it takes us

in other important but not as spicy events

gideon cuts the beast thing in two with her own sword

but now we've got the heralds to go through

"Don't worry, honey. I'll keep the home fires burning."

same energy as

CHAPTER 45

we're back in hotel california canaan house au river bubble

I'm sure that description makes it all super clear for anyone reading

abby and her hubby are taking harrowcita to the secret hideout of the lost boys aka the room behind the tapestry that is now untouched by the body horrors going on in this version of canaan house

and where all our ghostie ghoulie friends are hanging out

it was a person's room, says harrow, and I think we all know it was alleged gideon's aka ortus, but we'll get to that

I need to point out the fact that harrow says she always thought not!dulcinea showed signs of "suppurating ego" but that she could never convince gideon to "see past the appealing eyes and softly clinging dresses"

I KNOW, GIRL, IT DROVE ME FERAL TOO

apparently harrowcita's invite also got to the kids of the fourth but abby sent them back to the river with a kiss in the forehead and their lunch packed

because she had adopted them, as we all know

she said "if only Silas had asked me, what has happened to his soul worries me horribly"

of course I didn't remember that silas was mayonnaise uncle and had to do math for a while in my head

maybe he's out there looking for duracell bunny nephew's soul that is still travelling through the river

abby learned a way to send them back into the river but everyone present wants to help deal with this haunt situation harrow's got going on

honestly, props to martita for hanging around, judith is a lot less cooperative

abby also thinks there's something wrong with the river and that the emperor is unaware of it because he doesn't know about the river beyond

she has studied a lot about it

and that the fact that the "beyond the river" concept has been looked at with scorn by everyone for so long has made the potential studies of it stagnant

I love her a lot at this point

I mean, I'm still 100% a camilla girlie, I'm putting camilla's photo in one of those glittery clear files and covering it with heart stickers, don't get me wrong, but this woman is fierce af

abby, you know more than the emperor, you're more worthy than he is, please murder him

NOW IT'S TIME TO GET EMOTIONAL

GRAB YOUR TISSUES

IT'S ORTUS TIME

man, ortus won me with this chapter, he's great, let's keep him

let him be happy in the infinity of time with his fifth polycule

harrow tries to tell him that he doesn't have to apologize to her, that she owes him for crux murdering him and his mom

(interlude for "her unconscious gracelessness to Camilla Hect; a girl whom, in reality, she should have taken by the hands and thanked her profusely for every time she tried to save her cavalier")

(glad we're in agreement there)

they talk about how gideon died and ortus tells harrow that gideon never did anything without intent

"she had been outplayed by Palamedes Sextus, outgunned by Cytherea the First, undone by Gideon Nav"

damn, harrow

LISTEN TO THIS PART YOU FOLKS

"I should have offered help. I should have died for you. Gideon should still be alive. I was, and am, a grown man, and you both were neglected children."

ORTUS, MY MAN

THIS MADE ME SO EMOTIONAL

"she and Gideon had become women before their time, and watched each other's childhood crumble away like so much dust. But there was a part of her soul that wanted to hear it —wanted to hear it from Ortus's lips more, even than from the lips of God. He had been there. He had witnessed."

"I will hope better for heroism in my death"

ORTUS I'M HOLDING YOU TIGHT AND CARESSING THE TOP OF YOUR HEAD LIKE A PUPPY

harrow finds the "g&p" note

GUESS WHAT

GUESS WHO WAS RIGHT ABOUT THAT

ALLEGED GIDEON IS ACTUAL GIDEON THE FIRST

AND HARROW THINKS OUR GIDEON WAS NAMED AFTER HIM

I mean I had trust in my alleged gideon theory BUT I CAN'T BELIEVE I CALLED THE OTHER PART MAYBE TOO???

sixth house please accept me

she also finds another note, similar to the rant notes she had been finding, which reads: "the only thing our civilisation can ever learn from yours is that when our backs are to the wall and our towers are falling all around us and we are watching ourselves burn we rarely become heroes"

are the letters clues on the angry spirit that's haunting harrow?????

does it relate to gideon???

but when harrow is about to ask ortus about gideon ("less like tragedy and more like carelessness" 👀) abby interrupts

abby, interrupting me again when I'm getting to the good stuff

but I can't be angry at her because she says she'll exorcise the Sleeper

YOU GO ABBY, YOU LORRAINE WARREN THAT STUFF

And that's where we leave it for today!!! my willpower is strong and I know I can't make these too annoyingly long. Which is why, if you wanna know how I did with the House quiz, look after "read more". If not, see you for the next one!!! Super soon!!! Sending you all hugs in these difficult times ♥

So, this is the quiz that I did, the official author-made one.

I GOT *drumroll* A TIE BETWEEN THE SIXTH AND THE FOURTH

The author said that, in the event of a tie "Pick the House descriptor most like yourself, or most like the person you secretly wish you were, or with the colours you like best."

We all absolutely know where I'm going if I'm left to pick between those two.

To be totally transparent, I'm gonna show you my very messy notes, which I wasn't initially planning on showing, so I apologize for them not being neat and tidy. I added the skull I have in my desk as aesthetic compensation for the messy handwriting.

I picked 1st the pen and flimsy because, if I'm doomed and this is it for me, I want to go out writing. The bottle, because I considered a vessel for separating things or for keeping something in safely would be useful. The rapier, because I always take a swiss army knife in my purse with my keys and the rapier was the closest thing to that. The flare gun, because I might as well try to signal somehow, at least some of us could get saved. And the raft not to try to escape, like the answer said, but because if we're more than one person in the boat, having more space, even if somewhat leaky, could help out for different situations.

I did consider every potential option that could be turned into food but I'd rather die of something else than food poisoning of any kind.

I got the Fifth in second place, and I wouldn't have minded if I got the Fifth, honestly. In 3rd place I got Seventh and Eighth as a tie, I'm not gonna ask about that. The Second got fourth place, the Third got fifth and 0 points for the Ninth, I'm so sorry.

You should have seen my face when I saw a portrait of the Emperor was an option to take with you lmao

[microwavedice]

Hello! Thanks for responding! Before my little comparison attempt here’s a quick disclaimer that I am not saying Curly is innocent, nor excusing him of his inaction. The entire Mouthwashing fandom has been frequently debating Curly and how he is not free of blame (heck it’s almost every text post here) but I was confused to see Swansea put in the same boat as Daisuke and Anya, when I saw him in game to be in a similarly morally grey area as Curly. Though just so everyone knows I love all four of the Mouthwashing characters! (Jimmy can burn in hell-) I mostly want to see more Swansea debate because I love the nuance in his character - how he stays at arms length and seems untrustworthy throughout the game but is actually ready to sacrifice himself for Daisuke, a mirror image of how Anya mentions he secretly loves cake at the surprise party when his distant and gruff attitude make it seem like he doesn’t! I want to explore all of the characters deeper complexities with the same thoroughness the community has shown to be capable of and I’d love to spark more debate about the less considered aspects so imma see if I can mirror what you’ve pointed out about Swansea with what I can gather of Curly’s side of things to compare!

When Curly learns of Anya’s situation they are still over one hundred days of space travel into the middle of nowhere, so from the moment Jimmy did it there were no space police around for Anya to call on and nowhere for them to land (probably terrifying). All of the rooms lock from the inside, so there’s nowhere Curly could have imprisoned Jimmy, though he could have probably used that nylon rope to restrain him somehow (only seems extreme if you don’t know what Jim did) though, in the same way, after learning about it Swansea could have done any of these things. He can clearly physically overpower Jimmy and take the code scanner which is as simple to use as a torch, rendering him and his self-proclaimed captain role obsolete and decidedly doing more harm than good. As for the next point, of course I’d argue that Anya is not safe at any point but to specifically address the sleeping, Jimmy never sees Anya asleep in her bed (as far as I can find) and her bed is always perfectly made, either showing her to be a meticulous person or (what I find more likely since every detail exists for a reason in this game) she sleeps elsewhere (likely in the medical bay since she asked about it specifically having locks in the Dead Pixel scene) away from Jimmy, since I doubt Anya would feel comfortable enough to sleep a foot away from him willingly (she could have moved her bed anywhere in the lobby, hell Swansea’s on the other side of the room! So why are all the rest bunched up like that??). Onto the next point, Jimmy unofficially appoints himself captain - the code scanner is not thumb print operated and the gun would be hard to conceal, also Swansea could snap him like a twig (top ten AUs) Jimmy wouldn’t stand a chance without the gun, so I don’t think Swansea was in any was threatened by Jimmy nor respected Jimmy enough to think his input was worth the harm. Diasuke’s death is bloody tragic, he lost his life for bright eyed naivety and even pushed through the broken vent to open the door, though neither him nor Anya survived (god this game is so sad but also so meaningful), in the moment Swansea seems to have been shocked to his core, complete shutdown. He says “it’s over. End of the fuckin’ line” and tells Jimmy to knock himself out with the cryopod, as if Daisuke’s death chipped away the last of his will to live on. Then, as Jimmy leaves to “fix everything” and “save everyone” with the ultimate friendship saving power of A Gun, a switch flips to the manic setting in the narrative and suddenly Swansea is furiously charging at Jimbo with the axe, a switch I attribute to him having taken that minute to process what Daisuke said about the cocktail, figuring out that Jimmy had yet again managed to manipulate someone into sacrificing themself for him to fulfil his hero complex, effectively having murdered our precious intern.

The start of this next paragraph implies that you thought Swansea factored Anya into his reason to get violent? Throughout the game, Swansea never takes much notice of Anya, calling her a “so-called nurse” and only bringing up the fact that she told him about it because Jimmy accused him of scheming, talking to her being involved in his paranoid list of potentially suspicious things Swansea’s done. Additionally, there’s a large difference in how Swansea and Curly held their inaction on Anya’s sexual assault: Swansea, in the same conversation that she told him, declined helping her, being a self aware and brutally honest foil to Jimmy’s emotional manipulation and inability to take responsibility for his choices and actions. The conversation ends with Anya saying “if that’s how it has to be” while crying, (probably due to offloading such a horrific topic, not necessarily because of Swansea’s response but it would certainly perpetuate her despair) indicating that Swansea has decided not to take action - at least not under their current circumstances. While he may have thought about it, Swansea was clearly not motivated to action by Jimmy’s sexual assault on Anya, as she told him 2 whole months before he decides to axe the bastard. Curly’s approach was almost the opposite situation, Swansea’s being that he already had reasons to dislike Jim, had plenty of time but wasn’t motivated to take action against him just by hearing about the SA, instead Curly had a trust of some kind with Jimmy (though Jimmy has shown to be very capable and prone to emotional manipulation as he did with Daisuke and Anya) but only had two days to come up with a plan, one being spent panicking about Anya potentially hurting herself with a gun and the second spent being blown to smithereens. There is no evidence, as well, within these two days that Anya was still sleeping in her quarters. There’s every chance that after telling Curly this and asking about the medical bay locks she decided to sleep in their until the crash (perhaps even after), since every lock is manual and locks from the inside she wouldn’t need to tell anyone in order to sleep in there. I don’t know what you mean Curly “helped Jimmy” after Anya told him? The only events after the Dead Pixel scene and before the crash are Curly searching for the gun, having Jimmy trying to push the sexual assault blame onto Curly in true Jimbo fashion, Jimmy then telling him “I’ll take care of it” and then Curly finding out that “it” was not in fact the child support. Anyhoo this is getting to be a really long post so I’ll wait to add anymore just in case anyone has any questions, cheers for reading! Sorry if I misspelt anything!

Hot take: Curly is more innocent than Swansea.

Mouthwashing fandom, who have shown to consistently disagree with this, what have I missed that makes you all unanimously excuse Swansea but debate Curly?

In short: Prove me wrong

[decagondice]

༓ Astra's Dark Bargain ༓

༓ Pairing. Zayne x Reader

༓ Synopsis. In a desolate, snow-covered mountain pass, Zayne kneels beside the still form of the one person he had vowed to protect, grappling with the weight of his failure and the relentless demands of Astra, a deity whose cruelty haunts his every step. As the frost of Astra’s displeasure creeps across his own skin, Zayne finds himself confronting the quiet, somber ache of a love lost to forces beyond mortal control. His voice is a quiet plea to the uncaring heavens, a whispered promise to carry the burden left in your wake, and to defy the god’s merciless hold—even if it means bearing Astra’s frost alone in the empty silence.

༓ Content. sfw, I've mixed both of foreseer and regular zayne into this one, it's hard to describe Zayne here... Zayne and reader in an alternate life you might say, Angst (?) no comfort, Emotional distress, Loneliness, Resentment, Mentions of death, Hurt, Mentions of pain, Zayne's woes, Not proofread.

༓ Word Count. 1.3k

༓ A.N. Bargain doesn't even read legibly on the cover image -_- But! I wanted to write a slightly dramatic piece about Zayne and this is what I could conjure up...I hope to come up with more ideas for him and the other characters in the future, as they often occupy my thoughts. I am not sure how I feel about this piece (again…) but I just wanted to test the waters to see if I could write for any of the L&DS men :)

[Artwork by Arkhip Kuindzhi - 'Elbrus. Moonlit Night', 1895]

The snow fell in a gentle, unbroken drift across the desolate mountainside, casting the world in a pale, unyielding silence. Zayne knelt in its midst, his breath misting in thin clouds before him, his body still but his mind filled with restless echoes. Beneath him, a thin sheet of frost began to form along the edges of his hands, creeping across his skin as he held still, resisting the hollow summons of Astra’s will. He could feel it—Astra’s cold displeasure, sinking into his bones, a reminder of the god’s claim upon him, of the obedience expected.

But his focus, his thoughts, lay with you.

His gaze traced the jagged peaks rising around him, black shadows against the whiteness of the sky, as if the mountains themselves bore witness to his failure. The snow lay untouched, pristine, save for the faint indentations left by his knees and the faint outlines of where you lay beside him. Zayne closed his eyes, breathing in the frigid air, letting it scrape against his lungs, sharp and raw, as if it might somehow mirror the feeling within him.

When he finally spoke, his voice was a quiet murmur, almost lost in the vastness. “You once told me,” he began, his words nearly inaudible, “that if anything ever happened, you trusted me to keep you safe. You believed in me, even when I faltered.” He lowered his gaze to the snow-covered ground, to the faint outline of your form, unmoving. “I wanted so much to protect you from all of this…from him. From the fate he had written for us.”

He reached out, his hand hovering just above you, close enough to feel the bitter cold radiating from your skin. Astra’s frost was already settling there, weaving a cruel web of ice and decay, a visible reminder of Zayne’s defiance, of his quiet refusal to yield fully to the god’s demands. The frost had become Astra’s punishment, each crystal a reminder of his supposed disloyalty, a testament to his human weakness.

Zayne took in a slow, ragged breath, and his fingertips trembled, holding back the impulse to touch you, to draw you close. He knew he couldn’t; the frost would spread, seeping from him to you, an insidious reminder of Astra’s power, and he couldn’t bear to add to your suffering, even in this silence.

“Astra,” he murmured, slowly looking up to the bleak, slate-grey sky. “If this is your design, then why must I be forced to bear it like this?” He could feel the ache of his words in his throat, the raw sorrow pressing down on him, heavy as the snow that fell, cold and unfeeling. “What purpose is there in this silence, in this…punishment?” He let his hand fall away, fingers digging into the snow, as if the sting of cold could numb the helplessness clawing within him.

The silence held his answer. Astra’s presence loomed, distant and implacable, as cold as the landscape around him. Zayne had spent years under that shadow, bound by threads of fate that he had never chosen, threads that tightened around him with every passing moment, reminding him that his defiance was futile. And yet, he had never truly surrendered, not in his heart. Not with you beside him.

The snow began to settle more heavily, blanketing the desolation around him in a shroud of quiet, oppressive white. Every breath Zayne drew tasted of cold metal, of something bitter and unforgiving, and he could feel his strength waning under the weight of the knowledge pressing down on him: he’d failed. This time, he hadn’t been able to shield you from Astra’s wrath, from the god’s harsh and unbending will. This time, the nightmares he had fought so hard to keep from you had spilled into the waking world, and he had been powerless to stop them.

He looked down, his eyes tracing the delicate lattice of frost spreading along your skin, tracing lines that seemed cruelly beautiful in the way they marred the familiar warmth he’d cherished. His voice softened, barely a whisper. “I never wanted this to be your burden,” he murmured. “I wanted to be enough, somehow…enough to keep you safe, to carry the weight of it myself.” He felt the ache of unspoken words, the memory of countless promises he’d made to himself to protect you, to give you shelter from Astra’s storms, no matter what price he had to pay.

But Astra’s price had been exacted nonetheless, claimed in silence and shadow, leaving only emptiness in its wake. Zayne’s jaw tightened, the grief pressing harder, sharper, as he forced himself to look upon the frost-laced contours of your face. How many nights had he watched over you, guarding you from the dark, from the nightmares he carried in his own soul? How many times had he whispered quiet reassurances, promising a safety he was never certain he could give?

And now…now that safety was as distant and unreachable as the stars that hid behind the grey sky.

He let the silence stretch, feeling its weight, listening to the quiet crush of snow beneath his fingers as he shifted closer, unwilling to leave your side even as Astra’s frost continued its cruel work. “You believed in me,” he murmured, more to himself than to the god whose shadow lingered over him. “Even when I questioned myself. You had faith that I could keep you from this fate, that I could somehow outwit a god’s will.”

He shook his head slowly, a faint, sorrowful smile ghosting over his lips. “Maybe that was your kindness…believing in me like that, letting me think I could protect you from him.” His voice softened, breaking. “But even kindness has its limits, doesn’t it?”

The snow fell thicker now, beginning to blur the line between earth and sky, erasing the distinctions between each jagged peak and hollowed valley. Zayne could feel the stillness settling over everything, blanketing him in an almost unbearable quiet, as if even the mountains shared in his grief. His hand drifted to his chest, resting over his heart, as if trying to hold onto the warmth that was slowly leeching away in Astra’s icy wake.

He closed his eyes, letting the memories fill the silence—the warmth of your laughter echoing against stone, the way your hand had slipped into his with quiet confidence, as if the gods’ wrath could never touch you so long as you stood beside him. He’d found himself believing it, if only for a moment, forgetting that Astra’s shadow could reach anywhere, even here in the desolation, even here in his arms.

Zayne’s shoulders fell, the weight of the silence pressing in. He looked to the mountains, their impassive faces cloaked in snow and shadow, and he spoke once more, a faint whisper of resolve threaded through his voice.

“Astra may hold my fate in his hands,” he said softly. “He may demand penance, loyalty, whatever else he wills.” His fingers brushed the cold ground beside you, almost tender, but he did not dare disturb the stillness that bound you now. “Some things will always remain beyond his reach—even for him.” His hand pressed to his heart, the only warmth left in the unforgiving chill.

In the solitude of the mountain, with only the wind and snow as witness, Zayne leaned down, his forehead nearly touching the frost that laced your own, his breath ghosting across your brow. “Rest now,” he whispered, the words barely breaking past his grief. “What you leave behind, I'll bear.”

And as he knelt there, alone in the unyielding cold, he felt the frost sink deeper into his skin, creeping in warning, as if Astra’s hold tightened with each moment he lingered by your side. But Zayne stayed, unwavering, unwilling to surrender his last moments with you, no matter the price.

Snow covered you both as the mountains stood silent, unmoved, keeping watch over the broken vow that lay quietly between you.

A.N. I was researching a bit about Astra when writing this piece and his theories seem...interesting.... I do want to write something about astra but I'm not too sure since he is still a shrouded figure. Anyways~ I hope you enjoyed this piece! Thank you for reading! Have a lovely day/night:)

[if-we-are-free-tell-me-why]

every time I hear someone say "oh you have to listen to Dear Evan Hansen it has such good mental health representation" I cry in Next to Normal

[fishareglorious]

Semmelweis: I have nothing against psychiatrists; if only they would stop prying... Always bragging about their mental strength, forcing their help onto others, and perhaps worst of all, carrying that mirror with them... Semmelweis: If they stop doing all that, I may just come to... respect them.

semmelweis has beef with kakania?

[kuromi-hoemie]

i am once again thinking about The Boy

not the movie lol

[piplupod]

feels like the isolation is a gushing wound and going to the centre is just a small bandage. i think perhaps i am not really ever going to feel okay unless something miraculous happens. i am retaining some semblance of sanity now that I'm leaving the house and socializing with non-family more than once a week, but i am still hurting more than I can really tolerate and I don't know what to do about it. there doesn't seem to be a fix for this that I can enact.

[coridallasmultipass]

Halloween costume hint:

(The stitch marker and the word that describes this colour-pattern of yarn [or fabric] are 2 more hints.)

[littlepuddingsworld]

understood why couldn't get rid of acne for several years. finally did it almost completely and my self-esteem has grown unhealthily, as now love my reflection in the mirror and selfies. not the best thing for a person who is used to saying to themselve, "yes, I'm ugly, but" and trying to be at least smart and funny to have at least a semblance of a personality.

what am I supposed to say now.

"yes im so pretty, handsome, smart, funny, creative, chatty, wonderful, stunning, gorgeous, humanly, but"? rather "... so no 'but's. im fabulous."

[tamagotchikgs]

last night i was poking around in my mouth as u do and i reached back where i had always felt this hard thing w my tongue for awhile now but was like ah maybe it's just like. my gums being inflamed in the back or smthn BUT,, no i poked that thing with my fingernail n it is a tooth that is a whole ass wisdom tooth

[faaun]

.

[cervideity]

Expanding on the Vio nightmare idea: do you think Vio ever has nightmares about accidentally killing Green for real at Death Mountain? How does Link feel about these nightmares when he wakes up, considering it's one part of himself killing another?

I DIDNT EVEN CONSIDER THIS... UR MIND... i bet he does . like what a balancing act he had to pull. i bet Vio was stressed out of his mind.

I find it really hard to put myself in Links shoes when thinking about his separate selves and ive been trying ti imagine it all day. I feel like thered be the sense of a Near Missed catastrophe, like stopping yourself from walking into the road the moment a huge truck zooms by. Thats someone he cares about thats him its fine it didnt happen im fine im whole. vertigo.

[cabeswaterdrowned]

agents of shield s7 really was a shockingly good conclusion to something I like… like on it’s own it’s a good season but I don’t really realize how highly I think of it overall (it’s not agents of shield s4 who’s praises I’ll sing any day of the week) until I think about how many concluding seasons or books of shows or series I love could have been better if they were more like it in a variety of ways…

[this-should-do]

ykno i think that only ever being told im physically appealing by drs saying i could be prettier if i did this or that or lost weight or by my mom trying to emphasize how im a pretty GIRL to invalidate my desire to be more masculine most of my life probably affected my ability to feel good about my body

[feralparsnip]

i think the tv throughout is just a mirror. like, when owen/Isobel (sp?) is revisiting the pink opaque on the lcd, and turns it off, and looks at herself in the dark square after, looking towards the audience, her gaze perfectly in parallel with ours behind the 4th wall, and wonders why the show sucks now. like, isnt she choosing death by trying to become the person her dad wanted her to be? it's just a reflection of her, still

like when she's discussing the show, the whole movie, shes discussing her transness, or the seed experiences that allowed her to begin to understand her transness, right? it isn't about the text of the pink opaque at all and that's part of why we the audience see so little of the "cannon" pink opaque, bc the literal text of it is beside the point, unimportant. whats important is how the show showed her part of herself, how it reflected parts of her she didn't understand yet but long felt

and then in the final scene, we the audience see the tv inside her in the mirror and we've all come full circle, no longer needing the screen of the kids show at all, only the naked truth of it. i find it significant also that she looks at the tv glow in the mirror (instead of seeing a mirror in the tv as before) AND also just looks down, at herself, the most connected to herself she has ever been, seeing herself in a way we the audience cannot: through her own eyes from her own body. and there, in that moment, it's like she doesn't need any of the mirrors at all because she knows herself for real

i saw the tv glow is so concerned with gaze, and so good at choosing when to confront the audience with that amd when to just let us sit. so many times watching this film i felt suddenly and uncomfortably seen, like pinned to the wall, by somebody who had stood where i stood and knew about my bullshit. it had a horror movie sense about it, making me want to hide from that sense of being seen and then allowing me as an audience member that breathing space before yanking it away again.

i put it to you that the televisions are not the only persistent metaphor for mirrors throughout. also interesting bc mirrors, like tv screens dont just transfer the gaze but transform it -- things are backwards in the mirror, things are distant on the tv screen. there may be something to unpack there too

there is something really compelling to me about owen’s dad always being at the tv, and then when the dad dies, owen says something along the lines of “i have to become a man now” while deliverymen put a tv on his porch.

which is fascinating because the pink opaque was such a real, tangible, life-giving escape — but here, for the dad and for adult owen, tv is now a death / “becoming a man” / keeping people back from choosing life. anybody got any thoughts on this?

[vivalasthedas]

i hope when veilguard comes out people will like... let people dissect it and be critical and very 'the curtains were blue symbolized xyz' and not get shitty about that way of engaging with things you enjoy and claiming that any negative opinion is 'fandom drama'.

like for sure if you don't like talking about that shit, great, don't engage, leave it alone. But the amount of times you'll be having a perfectly fun talk about biowares Unfortunate Implications because of their constant statement of real world parallels and inspirations and their handling of shit in game and how that unintended outcome effects their intended story or something and someone comes along and like fandom high horses about how it's not that deep let people enjoy things why are you being so negative whine whine bitch bitch about it is wild.

Let people engage with fandom however they enjoy. For some that will be Big Think. It will be analyzing shit, no matter their skill level at doing so, and digging into it. If that's not it for you, that's awesome! I'm sure most people like both at different times, different moods, different media properties. Sometimes you want to get in the fandom place and go 'i bet this blorbo would cry if their tamagotchi died' and other times you want to talk about the accidental 'colonialism is good' narrative in the scifi movie you just watched or how xyz thing is part of a larger character motif about 123.

Respect whatever the fuck fandom means to other people, and just don't engage with shit you don't want to. Either direction. Don't go on posts of people being silly goofy and happy and be a jag, don't go on posts being negative or critical about something and get mad about people being negative. Grow up. Move on. None of it matters.