#I am plagued with uncertainty on where where my heart land loyalty lies | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

diveronarpg · 5 years ago

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Congratulations, KAT! You’ve been accepted for the role of OTHELLO. Admin Rosey: I am unashamed to say that, when I read the application, I went absolutely buckwild. My usual decorum and professionalism was compromised for a good while because I simply couldn’t get over how beautiful this application was. It’s so difficult to write an application that is impactful from beginning to end but you, Kat, absolutely nailed our favorite conflicted son, Odin Bello. His story is one that I thoroughly enjoyed and you took him and gave him such a vibrant, chaotic pain that I was truly swooning. I am overjoyed to welcome our beloved Othello into the fold. Please read over the checklist and send in your blog within 24 hours.

WELCOME TO THE MOB.

OUT OF CHARACTER

Alias | Kat

Age | 24

Preferred Pronouns | She/her

Activity Level | I think I’ll be able to get on quite a bit! At least two or three times a week, but likely more!

Timezone | EST

How did you find the rp? | I originally came across it in the lsrpg tag, I believe! My friend Taryn recommended it on her blog as well (and I’ll do anything that woman says tbh). Current/Past RP Accounts | These are links to inactive past accounts! https://neosy.tumblr.com/ https://grchcmisms.tumblr.com/ https://99gael.tumblr.com/ https://halogenq.tumblr.com/

IN CHARACTER

Character | Othello, Odin Bello

What drew you to this character? | Oh, to be applying again so soon after I claimed I needed time to find a new character! Originally, this was true, but when Odin opened up and I gave him a reread (and not that it truly makes a difference but, oh, the realization of the face claim change to Trevante Rhodes, be still my beating heart,) I realized there was yet another gem in the midst, another man in such a gorgeous roleplay that catches my breath in my throat and sends my heartbeat fluttering.

I’ve always been a sucker for a good heart and bruised knuckles.

Such beauty and chaos, such destruction and uncertainty, an aching heart that slips through your fingers as you struggle to grasp it, begging it to hold still. He shakes and struggles with nature and nurture, who he should be and who he wants to be, and more importantly, what he’s become. He feels the remorse and pain of it everyday when he wakes and each night he goes to sleep – for a time he managed to be person he worked so hard to be. It crumbled under his feet and his developing insanity, the rumble of his father’s ways breaking the ground under his skin and causing something of a snap, a moment of true obscurity. He hates himself for it, but he cannot yet again break his mold, he cannot become someone else. His will is cracking, his heart breaking.

Give me his nuance, give me his pain, give me his turmoil, and oh, please, give me his struggle; the desperate gasp of collapsed lungs and a tattered chest. I cannot stress how beautiful I find him, the feeling in my ribcage so solemn at his childhood and forthcoming, his painful attributes and breaking spirit. A man who shows his kindness through terror and bloodshed, so intent on being a good person that he’d tear the throat of a thief with his teeth.

Yes, I’ve found love.

What is a future plot idea you have in mind for the character? | Where do you see this character developing, and what kind of actions would you have them take to get there? 3 future plot ideas would be preferable.

MEN SHOULD BE WHAT THEY SEEM //

Oh, can the flash of his teeth brighten a room. His smile is bright but, these days, so rarely genuine. He no longer knows who he is truly fighting for, what side of the coin he lays on with his copper spinning on its side in a never ending spiral. He does not know where he belongs, nor, who he truly is and it plagues him in a way that’s all too familiar, a way that feels like his mother’s comfort and his father’s recklessness, the smell of alcohol on someone’s tongue when they speak and the feeling of a caress on skin. He needs to make a choice, a permanent decision for once in his life, pick his path and follow it to the end instead of cutting through the woods once more. Who are you, Odin? His own face in the mirror becoming more unfamiliar in each passing day, a building anxiety and insanity, a hurricane creating a disaster inside him. Who are you?

His reflection tired, tainting his handsome face and false expressions, a hunger growing just under the surface, a desperation so hot; who will you be?

FOR SHE HAD EYES AND CHOSE ME //

Delilah, oh, how she filled something inside of him, and oh, how he tore into the filled space as if rabid, as if being whole was too much to bear, the filled space too heavy, and the paranoia of losing it all creasing his forehead and melting in his palms.

So he did what he does best, and he ripped through the plaster and insulation like a hammer, shattered the glass and caused the empty space to bleed. It hasn’t stopped aching, despite his insistence that it has healed, sometimes he still wakes with his shirt soaked in blood, drenched in suffering. How can he learn to forgive? He learned his lessons but the morals cannot seem to stick, the weakness he caused in his own self and the horror he caused for the woman he loved – loves, still finding its way through his mind and heart. He seeks self forgiveness just as much if not more than he seeks hers. He cannot move on without finding solace or closure but those are two things so hard to capture and accept. Sometimes, he feels so much like his father with his past misgivings it stirs disgust.

It’s time to repent.

THE GREEN EYED MONSTER //

Ivan is a scab, an infection that Odin refuses to treat. He’s become cautious, wearily aware of betrayal in the past and more on the horizon. He has a feeling, a ponderance that keeps him up at night, the sends shocks through his veins. He hates to think of his friend, his family, as a traitor, as a monster in disguise seeking to antagonize the worst parts of Odin himself, but it’s becoming harder and harder to ignore. It scrapes the back of his mind, creates an itch that he cannot scratch no matter how deep he digs, no matter if the skin starts bleeding, it won’t go away. How does he cut out another piece of his life, another piece of himself so vital? It feels like he is losing those most important to him, that they’re all turning on him and it creates nothing but fear, more paranoia and uncertainty.

He wants so desperately to be wrong, but knows what will happen if he is not.

Are you comfortable with killing off your character? | As you say, no one is safe. I’d be more than willing!

IN DEPTH

Please choose between the interview or the para sample (or both, if you like!)

In-Character Para Sample:Note: This is inspired by both his biography and the original play of Othello.

His knuckles have long since scabbed over but it still stings when he bends his fingers, gripped tight on his steering wheel.

The whispers echo in his ears, hollow out his skull, and glaze his eyes so he is barely paying attention to the road. It’s late, the highway nearly empty at three thirty in the morning, the lamps leaving the car tinted yellow, a glow off the black paint and seeping into the sunroof. His windows are down but still he keeps the air on, the radio off. His phone vibrates in the cupholder of the center console and he ignores it, his foot pressing harder on the gas until the wind is whipping through his vehicle almost dangerously.

The law be fucking damned, today he was an officer of only vengeance and a broken heart.

He loves her so much he tastes venom, feels his teeth growing sharper in his mouth, his distaste makes no noise but if it did it would be a growl, feral and unhinged. He is not his father, but he does understand him. Words of infidelity set him on fire, lies and hopelessness and ‘I should have known better, I should’ve known better’ making his throat raw, eyes burn. He doesn’t cry, not anymore, but he hasn’t wanted to like this in years.

He heard them speak of it for weeks, heard mentions and hints but blinded himself with hope and loyalty, faith. He repeated the words of her vows and the sound of her heartbeat, how she feels tucked into the sheets with her face pressed into his chest, her back into his, and repeated that it couldn’t be true, but he had forgotten himself. The words broke through all at once like a floodgate and so had the betrayal, and he had terrible thoughts, thoughts that scared him.

He could wrap his fingers around her throat.

No, but he couldn’t, not even in hatred and broken trust could he hurt her with his own two hands. He tightens his grip and a scab cracks, but it’s old enough that it does not bleed, instead revealing something of a white scar beneath. He eases on the pedal for only a moment, long enough to catch his breath before the phone goes off again and his foot slams to the floor.

I am a devil, I am chaos, a man of hurt and cruelty, raised to be so with bones created for disaster. Do not step on me, do not lie to me, I will ruin her, I will be so,– I will be cruel.

His hurt reverberates in his chest and it feels like a sob shaking but it will not break, face angry and hands shivering. He loses himself in the cloud of obscurity created to help him destroy all he’s built, an excuse to become a monster once again, to level all the good he’s done with chaos and destruction. He wishes he hadn’t been waiting for this somewhere buried heavily in his mind, he wishes that he hadn’t been searching for every reason to snap, every excuse to abandon the perfect image he’d created, but he was sick.

He jerked his wheel onto an exit ramp at a dangerous speed, foot easing off the pedal once again but only slightly, just enough to cruise into a gas station, an aggressive spin of his wheel and foot on the break that causes the car to jerk to a stop.

Then, his fists slam his wheel, body doubled over, frustration causing him to kick the underside of his dashboard as he hears something break where his foot lands, and he yells until his lungs bruise.

Extras: I made a tag for him here! Hopefully I’ll have more on it by acceptances: this: https://hypnosreigns.tumblr.com/tagged/character:%20odin%20bello

#accepted #accepted: othello

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spiritualreverie · 7 years ago

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Tapovanam 2017-2018 Newsletter 4

Deepavali

I am sure you all know the meaning of Deepavali and the symbolism behind the celebration. Let us look at a few more reasons people around the world celebrate the festival.

1. Rama returns to Ayodhya

Lord Rama returned to Ayodhya from exile after defeating Ravana. The people of Ayodhya rejoiced by lighting lamps welcoming him home.

Whenever God enters our home (our hearts), our consciousness is filled with bliss. This is symbolized by the lights.

2. Krishna and Satyabhama defeat Narakasura

Krishna vanquishes the demon Narakasura with the help of Sathyabhama who is an incarnation of Bhoo-devi (lakshmi).

Narakasura symbolized tamoguna and even mother earth wanted that guna to go!! Narakasura requested his death to be celebrated by the lighting of lamps symbolizing the defeat of lethargy and inertia.

3. Return of King Mahabali

Bali was the grand son of Prahlad and hence had craved for the blessing of the lord while doing his duty as a kind and good Asura King. However, he had a trace of "I" and "Mine" in him and Lord decided to clear that sheath and came as Sri Vamana.

When Bali grants the little Vamana three feet of land, Lhe Lord expanded to measure the entire earth in one step, and the entire universe with the second. King Bali gave up his Rajoguna by sacrificing all he had to Lord (who owns all any way) and became a dasa by getting the blessed feet (third step) of the Lord on his noble head. The humbled Mahabali surrendered his Atman to the Lord!

His one request was to return to his beloved kingdom to be with his subjects and his return is celebrated till this day.

4. Goddess Lakshmi's birthday

Goddess Lakshmi is venerated as a manifestation of the divine who takes maternal care of all the beings with prosperity and purity. She gives happiness and spreads auspiciousness all around. On this day, people pray to Goddess Lakshmi to instill the wealth of values.

5. Lord Mahavira attains Nirvana

The day of liberation is celebrated by Jains as Moksh Kalyanak.

Karna

Karna is brave and generous and has high integrity. Although he is plagued by self doubt stemming from uncertainty of who he really is, he has tremendous confidence in his abilities and adorns self respect. However, when ridiculed in front of the entire populace about his lineage, he is driven right into the hands of Duryodhana. Duryodhana who sees in Karna a worthy ally and opponent of his hated cousins, showers him with affection, grants him a kingdom to provide him stature and stands by him when Bhima mocks him mercilessly. This unfortunate twist of fate makes Karna pledge his unconditional loyalty to Duryodhana.

a. The need for equipoise

Whatever the emotional state we are in, we need to strive to be balanced in our reaction. When crowned the prince of Anga, Karna is elated and overwhelmed with extreme joy and happiness. In this mental state, he rides his chariot recklessly running over and killing an innocent calf. The owner of the cow and calf, a brahmin curses him that in a critical moment in battle, his chariot wheel will get stuck. Karna has glorious qualities and character and yet, he the son of Surya at a moment of elation reacted badly that eventually caused his downfall.

We hear stories of college students and other youth in their wild enthusiasm and exuberance destroying property when the teams they love, be it a college team or a professional team wins a championship. Why does this happen? These are not illiterates, and they do know right from wrong. However, in the state of euphoria and elation, they loose their equilibrium.

Swami Vivekananda said being cheerful always and smiling, takes one nearer to God, nearer than any prayer. "Always" here implies we should be cheerful during the good times and the not so good times especially when we feel down and depressed. This is the true definition of equipoise where we are not carried to highs and lows by our emotions.

b. Truth

Karna in his desire to learn the art of warfare, lies to Parashurama that he is a Brahmin. When Parashurama finds out, he curses Karna that at the critical juncture, the learning will be forgotten and karna will be unable to remember them. No matter what the intent is, truth has to be adhered to. It is said that one should never lie to a doctor, a lawyer or a teacher. If only Karna had heeded to this!

We contrasted Karna's quest to learn with Kacha's quest to learn the sanjivini mantra from Sukracharya, the teacher of the asuras. Kacha took a rather straight and honest path and came clean right at the offset. He mentions to Sukracharya that he is indeed the son of Brahaspathi, the teacher of the devas and that he seeks to learn from Sukracharya. Being a teacher, Sukracharya accepts Kacha as a student.

Friendship

What is true friendship?

Can a king and a beggar be friends? How about poor and the wealthy? Should friendship be only amongst equals?

Some of our best times are when we are amongst friends. Friendship is the pure relationship that exists between true friends. We are comfortable in their presence, and their company puts us at ease. Friends comfort, friends heal, friends love, friends do not judge, and friends are there in our time of need. This relationship is very different than that between parents and children, between spouses, between lovers, between colleagues and other acquaintances.

This is precisely why perhaps great saints and poets have considered even Gods as their friends. The following stanza from Kannan en thozhan (Krishna is my friend) penned by the great tamil poet Bharathi, illustrates this relationship. Here Arjuna talks of his dear friend Krishna:

Even on the days of wandering the forests, He would make sure the heart is without fear;

While fighting war as the chief general for a big army, He would come as the charioteer;

While suffering from ailments to body, He would suggest appropriate medicine;

While the heart gets disheartened from worries, He consoles with soothing words;

When Drona visits his childhood friend Drupada's court, he is belittled and humiliated in front of the entire court. Drunk with arrogance and power, Drupada destroys the sanctity of friendship by stating friendship can only be amongst equals, and chides Drona for presenting himself in front of the court as his friend. It is true that Drupada is a mighty king and Drona is a poor brahmin. However, should this come in the way of friendship?

Compare this with Krishna's warm embrace and acceptance, when his childhood friend Sudama visits him in his palace. In this instance, Krishna is a mighty king and Sudama is a poor brahmin as well. Krishna put Sudama at ease from the instant he saw him and the entire experience was so great that Sudama completely forgot what he came for! The mere sight of his childhood friend the warmth exhibited was sufficient.

Friendship transcends wealth, color, creed, religion, gender and race. Have you heard of the Florida judge who saw her middle school friend plead guilty to burglary in her court? The years and circumstances had placed her as a judge and her friend as a burglar. She could have ignored her friend and moved on. But she did not. Their exchange and what transpired is a heart warming story that humanity is alive and well. See:

http://www.nydailynews.com/news/crime/suspect-cries-judge-reveals-childhood-classmate-article-1.2280308

You are judged by the company you keep

While you may have many acquaintances and befriend many on social media, there are but a handful of true friends. We learn a lot from peers, more than any others and therefore, it is important to be careful to identify true friends and associate ourselves closely with only those who share our values.

As we have seen with Karna, Blind allegiance and loyalty to those who help in a time of need is not the only barometer for true friendship. Karna should have checked his values with that of Duryodhana before making the fateful decision and this would have led him to pause. Furthermore, as Karna's association with Duryodhana flourished, his own values began to erode causing him to abet and participate in heinous acts. This is an example of friendship gone awry.

Students and Teachers

We often hear students complaining about their teachers in school or college and even label them as incompetent and with other strong adjectives. While not all teachers are equal and some may be sub par, it is extremely important to not judge and sport a poor attitude. Every teacher has something to offer and even a dull or boring class can present a thing or two.

If you are in a class and are indifferent, do you believe the teacher has any interest in interacting with you or spend calories to ensure that the material being covered is understood by you? The teachers role is to teach and the students role is to learn. Unless both are operating in the same frequency, there can be no learning. If the class room is the broadcast medium and the teacher is using FM 88.5, you will get no news if you tune into 99.5 FM which is broadcasting something else.

Although there were 105 pupils in the kingdom of Hastinapur, Arjuna was the favorite of Drona. Was this because Drona exhibited nepotism or favoritism? Quite to the contrary, it was Arjuna who was inspired and exhibited an eagerness to learning that caught the teacher's attention. Naturally, the teacher is drawn to those who are energized and responsive.

There is an episode where Drona had set a wooden bird as a target on a tall tree and the requested all the pupils to aim their arrow at the target and before shooting, tell what they saw. Most of the students say that see a tall tree with a bird, some describe the distance to the target, elevation, others describe the color of the target etc., Arjuna was the only one who said that sees the eye of the bird. This is the supreme focus of Arjuna and alignment of frequency between him and Drona.

When you bring in energy, enthusiasm and a willingness to learn, you get the maximum out of any class. On the other hand, if you are bored, uninterested and act as a know-all, there can be no learning and the only loser in this equation is the student.

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