#I am now actually working on my thesis. Congratulations.

[cleocatzby]

Who am I without my ReminderGB™?

[multiharlot]

dr. wife / matt murdock x age gap!reader

summary: you're now officially dr. y/n murdock and matt makes sure people give you the correct titles.

warnings: none i don't think? matt being a feminist, we love. also this one is kinda short i'm sorry, rip.

main masterlist || series masterlist || add yourself to my taglist!

you stood leaning against the edge of the counter, fiddling with your ring as you waited for the kettle to heat up so that you could make your tea. you let out a slow breath and tapped your foot on the ground.

you'd just done your defense yesterday morning and all you needed now was the final green light, and you were a doctor.

you were so close yet so far to achieving your academic dreams.

but for now, you'd drink tea. and you'd clean the loft.

as the kettle began to whistle, you poured the hot water into your mug, adding in milk and sugar before placing the mug onto your warming plate next to your laptop and opening up one of the windows in the loft. you looked back at your closed laptop and decided that you'd check, one last time before letting it go, for your pass or fail email.

you opened up your laptop, clicking the email app and waiting for it to load and bring in any new emails. you picked up your tea, wincing as some tea spilled over the edge and onto your hand. you sighed, getting up and rinsing your hands off in the sink and when you'd sat back down, your breath left your body.

i am happy to announce that mrs. y/n murdock has sucessfully defended her thesis yesterday morning. her committee, dr. krishnan, dr. shapiro, and dr. jeffries has unanimously agreed that she has fulfilled the requirements and expectations of her dissertation research.

please see attached files for requested revisions and rubrics.

congratulations dr. murdock!

you sat in front of the screen, unable to move or breathe or speak. but then you'd jumped up, snatching your keys from counter top and running out to your car. not even bothering to change out of matt's hoodie and your bike shorts or even your pink fluffy house slippers. you drove like a madman to matt's office and quickly parked before running up the building and into their office. you threw the door open and slammed it shut, matt, foggy and karen immediately diverts his attention to you.

"woah where's the fire?" foggy asks, chuckling slightly.

"everything okay, sweetheart?" matt asks, his eyebrows furrowing as he listens to your pounding heart.

you take in a deep breath before choking out a laugh.

"i passed." you squeaked out, and everyone frowns.

"you what?"

"i passed!" you yell, smiling.

they all cheer and matt walks over, wrapping his arms around your waist.

"i'm so proud of you." he smiles, his heart swelling with pride.

"are you wearing house slippers?"

"shut up foggy i was excited."

"i'll let it pass."

****

matt loved making it known that you were his wife. and he loved when people called you mrs. murdock. but he loved it even more when he heard you receive the title you’d worked so hard for. so he made sure that everyone referred to you as such.

you and matt were sat together in foggy's family restaurant when foggy's mother had walked up to the two of you.

"well if it isn't mr. and mrs. murdock." she smiled.

"it's doctor murdock now, mrs. nelson." matt smiled, and foggy's mom rolls her eyes.

"we get it, you love your wife." she teases, making the two of you chuckle.

and you'd never forget the moment when you two had gone to the doctors office and they'd called out for mr. and mrs. murdock.

"sorry, it's actually dr. murdock."

"i'm so sorry about that dr. murdock."

"not me, my wife. my wife is the doctor."

"oh!" the nurse exclaims, making matt furrow his eyebrows.

"what? a woman has to be referred to as mrs. if she's married regardless of any superior titles, but a man doesn't?"

"matt that's not at all what she said. come on, i'm so sorry." you sheepishly said to the nurse, pulling matt along towards the room you two needed to go into.

"maybe not but it was implied!" he yelled.

then one day, you'd come home from a job interview at cornell university and matt was sitting on the couch, a beer in his hand.

"guess what" you smiled, jumping onto the couch next to him.

matt ponders for a moment, a smile growing onto his face.

"you got the job?" he smiled.

and you nodded enthusiatically.

"i got the job!" you giggled, jumping onto his lap and wrapping your arms around his neck.

he laughed, returning the comforting hug and pressing a kiss to your cheek.

"i knew you would. so...i got you a gift."

"a gift?" you pulled away, looking at his face.

he nodded, picking you up off his lap and walking over to your bedroom, coming back with a black rectangular box.

"open it." he smiled, handing you the surprisingly heavy box.

you took it, opening it slowly, the name plaque sitting between foam holdings. you pulled it out, and smile growing on your face as you looked at it.

dr. y/n murdock, PhD

you traced your finger over the engraving and looking up at your husband.

"upsettingly, we live in a world where people undermine the achievements of women, especially professional and academic achievements. and even though it already does, i don't want it to keep happening to you. you worked hard for your doctorate, and i'll do everything i can to make sure people respect it and you. even if all i can do is give you a name plaque for your desk." he says, sitting down next to you and tucking your hair behind your ears.

you smiled, leaning in and pressing a soft, deep kiss on his lips.

"i'm so lucky to have you."

"i'm luckier. i mean come on, my wife's a phd."

"yeah well my husband is daredevil."

"eh. a doctorate is much cooler."

taglist:

@luvr-bunnyy @glowstick-lesbian @anothersworld @mrbillymontgomery @inas-thing @fuck-goes-on @eddiemvnsonss @nia_um @multibishh @takeyour-pants-off @afootnoteinyourhappiness

[wetcatspellcaster]

hello! i have a question about finding time to write because i have an idea for an astarion fic but it's my first year in my ph.d. program and i am DROWNING IN WORK AND READINGS. how did you do this AND work on your dissertation? (also congrats on that!!! that's massive!!!)

hello, anon, congratulations to YOU on your phd programme!! many felicitations on the continuing of your education.

I took a while to reply to this, bc I'm not sure if I'm the best person to ask this question. my personal answer is 'hyperfixate on the dopamine source so, so hard until you burnout, and then feel guilty bc you haven't updated in ages (I'm currently one week since an update), and then let that guilt become your new motivator! :D'

...which doesn't seem very healthy. and definitely impacts my ability to answer the question in a way that is actually helpful.

so i don't have an answer, but my honest pieces of advice are below the cut.

idk what kinda PhD you are doing, but if it's a humanities, in my experience, there are dips and lulls. first year is always a bit hectic bc the imposter syndrome is high and you feel like you're treading water to stay afloat. but things will get so much easier, and will in fact go through peaks and troughs! in 2nd and 3rd year, i had months without any work at all. wait for a trough to do some drafting. if you're currently really struggling, then just sketch as detailed an outline as you can in a document when the idea is fresh, and then you can return to it in dribs and drabs when you have a spare moment. [if you're a scientist, apologies in advance, you have a much harder life than me!] .

this one isn't very burnout friendly, but i am introverted and treat writing fic like a hobby for when i have no social battery. then my fic battery runs out, i go be social. yes, this kinda just spreads the burnout around. yes, i also know writing is still work! but it doesn't feel like it, to me. so I guess make your fic idea as much about fun, and as least about work, as possible. make it into the catnip that will make you come back to it. treat it as an escape rather than another magnum opus, or god forbid, a second dissertation. .

this also applies to PhD work - again, if you are a humanities student, you'll inevitably hit a writing block in your thesis. these are normal, and though they feel like the worst thing at the time, they will inevitably shift. thesis writing block when i was often very productive with fic, bc my thesis wasn't taking up my brain power and/or taking time away from my thesis was exactly what i needed. If you're burned out on the thesis, maybe spend some time just playing around in your brain for a bit. my friend told me about how she used fic as a way to build 'mastery' - when she was depressed or feeling down about her thesis, she would do something she knew she was good at (fic), and this would lift her mood. in the self critical world of academia, sometimes a little fic positivity goes a long way (at least for me, but that's bc both my supervisors are very very harsh, the exact opposite of the AO3 comment box). .

find an update schedule that works for you. i used to write a whole fic before i published any of it, but that's become more untenable as my wordcounts get bigger and i need motivation. now, comments fuel me when i'm drafting. so honestly, if you think posting will add pressure, don't post. write it just for you. if you think posting is the only thing that will keep the idea alive, do it and then don't feel guilt if there's a large gap in updates. people will still read it when it eventually goes up! :)

Honestly, I don't really have an answer. I wrote a lot these last few months bc I was feeling very depressed with the endgame of my thesis, and writing distracted me and made me feel better. I try to keep two nights a week free for fic, but that works for me bc I'm an introvert who lives alone. I don't think you can force it, but what I can tell you is that the PhD does get much, much easier (and that first year is also a perfectly legit time to faff around a bit and commit some time theft if you want - at least in the humanities, bc you'll still have so much time in your project).

I'm sorry I don't have a clear answer! Fic is important to me, so I make time for it, sometimes to my own detriment. If your PhD is what is important to you rn, fic can wait! Similarly, if you want to take some time away from that treading water, maybe microdose an hour or so of fic to start building mastery :) xx

[maybege]

Hi, May!! How are you?

As always, I get really excited when good things happen, and I gotta share it with you 🧡

So first of all, I submitted my bachelors thesis today!!! It’s finally over and I honestly think it turned out really good 😊 (I am however trying really hard not to look at my thesis again until it’s graded cause it’ll just stress me out)

And as if that alone isn’t already great: my best friend, who moved to Germany when we were like 14/15 and then lived in Argentina for the last year (soziales Jahr, you know?) officially moved back to my city today!!! Still can’t believe that she’s actually here and we get to regularly hang out in person again 🥺

And don’t even get me started on finally having the time to watch the new season of only murders in the building.

But yeah, the whole writing process has been exhausting but now? Life is good, I’m happy and excited for the next couple weeks ahead 🥰

Also, I hope you had a fun week so far! Anything exciting planned?

Hello hello!

I AM SO EXCITED FOR YOU - CONGRATULATIONS! 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

Handing in your thesis is such a milestone and such a big relief and I hope you rewarded yourself for it and rest the next few days (weeks). (Also I can only echo the sentiment to never look at your thesis again because it will only fuel the worries and you already handed it in anyway, there is nothing you can do to change it now.)

And that is so exciting too! I hope you get to hnag out lots with her and get to catch up on all the time you've been apart! Those are truly the best kinds of frienships 🥺

Also the new season of OMITB? Phenomenal, breathtaking, brilliant, I devoured the first two episodes yesterday and Tuesdays are now going to be my new favourite weekdays. Did you watch them yet? And if so, what did you think?

This week was very exciting for me because I was off work and got a whole bunch of real life stuff done. I am in the last steps of finishing my apartment makeover and I booked myself a massage for tomorrow which I am really looking forward to! I also got a new laptop because mine broke (😭) so I did not get any writing done but I safely transferred all my writing to the new hardware.

I hope you are having a lovely evening!

[xythlia]

Also, let me just catch up with you rq! I remembered that I completely forgot to congratulate you on your birthday, so happy belated birthday I guess 😭❤️ Uni has been kicking my ass, especially the commute between my home city, the city I study in and the city where I am working on my doctor‘s study/thesis 🥲 Idek if I have ever told you, but last year me and a few other students were sent to the other end of the state to continue our education in another hospital there. All those years before I was living with my parents and just commuted to Uni (which is in the city where I am working on my thesis rn), but that was not possible anymore. Luckily I got an apartment in the student dorms there (which belong to an entirely different uni, but they were kind enough to offer us rooms as well), but it was so fucking bad. Not the apartment itself, mind you, just the rest. My student dorm was basically at the other end of the city, I had no car, and the buses drove 2x per hour and would often not come at all. There is no direct connection between the dorm and the hospital, so you have to take the bus to the inner city and then take another bus there. I had to walk to the hospital more times than I can count, and that‘s a 5km walk, so you can imagine how I arrived to my lectures. I had courses and training the entire day, and would often arrive at like 7pm in the evening, completely exhausted. Add onto that that it was winter (🫠), so the days were short, cold, and the weather was unpredictable, and I had to cook and keep up the apartment + the commute to my home and thesis city. The people there were SO unkind, some didn’t even greet me and would not even wait a few seconds to keep the door open for me, even though they could see I was carrying a big pack of water bottles. I was blogging from the trenches back then 😭 I applied for the other student dorm in the inner city, right next to the bus stop for the bus to the hospital, since all my friends live there, and to combat the loneliness I had experienced during the winter. They approved, and I moved in at the end of March/beginning of April. It’s sooo much better here, the people are kind (we even have a chat group on WhatsApp), the apartment is smaller and has an objectively better atmosphere, and I save so much time now. I also managed to get closer to my friends and actually go out with them/ invite them over for coffee.

On a more positive note, my friend and I managed to get tickets for Hozier in December 🎉 I told my BFF, because we discovered Hozier back in school together and have always promised each other that one day we will go to one of his concerts together, and she and her roommate (who also went to school with us) managed to get tickets as well, sooo we’re making the whole thing into a vacation 🫶🏻 (for clarification: My BFF lives in the same state as I do, just in a different city and often has to commute to Berlin for her studies/work since the program she’s enrolled in is a so-called ‘Duales Studium’, a concept that is, I think, exclusive to Germany. We rarely get to see each other, but we text almost every day.)

I currently just want to finish the exam season so I can have my two weeks of peace in Bosnia in August 🤘🏻

I think those were all the big updates on my life 😄 I should make more of my own posts so I can keep people updated in real time, just like you do 😵‍💫 I am so sorry for the way your bf’s mom treated you, that was so disrespectful and uncalled for. I also feel sorry for your bf for having to apologize for her actions. People who have no filter and no shame are the absolute worst 🫠. I hope her words didn’t hurt you too much, and that I am proud of you for getting to a weight where you are happy and content with yourself ❤️

omg anesa <333 ty for the belated hbd but im sorry schools been kicking u around that commute sounds so bad oml especially w rude ppl to deal with on top of it. its really good tho u were able to transfer somewhere way better and reconnect with ur friends! & OMG U GOT HOZIER TICKETS?? a lil concert vacation sounds so fun i hope u guys have an awesome time!!! ^⁠_⁠^

ahskahdsk my bfs mom is absolutely certifiable so it doesn't bother me too bad (and tysm for being proud too of my happy weight! being in recovery has been the best choice i ever made for myself) i felt so bad for my bf & his dad too it was like damn spending basically ur whole lives dealing with someone else's crazy behavior & constantly apologizing for it just sucks so much. But that's probably why he became a therapist lmao

[3shag]

Hi Reese,

I’m about to meet you, but I don’t think there’s still a chance. I’m writing this letter to put this to an end. I’ve already tried an effort to make him feel I want him. No changes at all. Maybe, it’s time to let this go of. I don’t think I still deserved this.

~

I just want you to know how thankful I am to you.

Finals on our Correl 2 back then, I was so brokenhearted during that time. Fresh from breakup. But then, I still managed to set aside my emotions first over the stresses on my reviews. You were one of my classmates whom I can ask questions since we already know each other. I already knew that you can pass that subject in just 1 take. I’m a bit afraid on how’ll you judged me if I’m gonna fail that subject again since it’s already my 2nd take. Thank God, we both passed.

Completion of requirements on our graduating days, we both interchange information on our progress with our thesis submission. Chatting with you slowly helped me a lot to ignore my brokenness emotion that I am hiding because my priority was to graduate first. Thank God, we completed it. Graduation here we go.

While waiting for the online graduation date, we are still chatting together. We talked a lot of random things. Knowing your pets, Reese is the most spoiled one to you. You totally helped me a lot to not remember that I am broken. Online graduation came and we just received congratulatory from email only. One of the saddest graduation I ever had, while for you maybe it’s just fine since it’s your second degree and you have already experienced graduation at PICC on your first course. Online graduation done, but we still managed to talk to each other.

I’m already taking good care of my grandma, I’m still talking to you and you already met her since I sometimes sent you pictures. I’m so thankful because you were there. I am experiencing so much stress but talking to you felt just so happy. Then we stopped talking again.

My grandma passed away. You still send your condolences. We were not talking much anymore. You are now taking good care of your grandpa and sent me some pictures of him too. I am already starting my review for my Sanitary Licensure, you were too, for your Civil Engineering Licensure. I sent you good lucks for your exam. The result popped up, and messaged you again to congratulate you. I was touched of what you said, that I was the first person to tell you good luck. We chatted for few weeks and stopped again. I’m busy reviewing. Few days before my exam, you messaged me that your grandpa passed away. Was too shocked and trying my best to comfort you. The result popped up, I passed the boards as well.

Few months after I started my work, we managed to talked again. It happened that your father works in a supplies company and also one of our suppliers. I actually met him on the day we attended on their expo, it’s sad that we didn’t meet that time due to your technical exam schedule. Then, we stopped talking again. Few months after, face to face graduation is happening. We talked again. You were not able to register and it’s sad because you are about to be my seat mate because of our last names, so, yeah we didn’t meet again. Then we stopped talking again.

We started talking again. I resigned on my work and you just started from yours. This time, I am now sure that I want to try if this will work out. Honestly, you were the only person I am trying to talk to. I’m trying to give you hint that I somehow liked talking to you again. You replied for too long and took you for days. I also replied but took only for a 1-2 days. As days passes by, you invited me if we could hangout with our pets. I’m excited and nervous actually since you asked to pick me up. Our replies took us for days again and suddenly I just felt that you are now ignoring me again. So yeah, we are not seeing each other again. I feel so f*cked up this time.

~

For my last thoughts. I just hoped that you totally dumped me this time because I’m not gonna reply again. I need to learn from it, chasing the person I liked but doesn’t liked me back.

Maybe, I’m just really thankful for you for entering my life, to the fact that I am wanting you to stay. Maybe, you are not ready yet as well since you are just starting from your career. Maybe, I am not ready yet since I am not yet stable in my life. Maybe, this is just an affection since I am just feeling lonely and longing again for someone whom I can talked to.

Just to tell you that I am still glad I’ve met you. You inspired me to be a hardworking person. You are not giving up on what you want and what you love to do. You love discovering on what you can do more in order for you to improve your skills and talents. You are humble in all your achievements. I don’t think that giving up is a word for you. I hope that you can inspire more people. Maybe, you just helped me to realize those things and I am thankful for that.

But please, don’t ever reply again.

I am now letting this go.

[sweettsubaki]

J'ai publié 8 262 fois en 2022

C'est 4 089 billets de plus qu'en 2021 !

138 billets créés (2%)

8 124 billets reblogués (98%)

Les blogs que j'ai le plus reblogués :

@spongebobssquarepants

@yramesoruniverse

@renecdote

@kitkatpancakestack

@rantblog-no1

J'ai étiqueté 5 940 billets en 2022

Seulement 28% de mes billets ne comportaient pas de tag

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Tag le plus long : 139 caractères

#i'll be honest i first saw him in hana yori dango in which ...well his nickname was 'tête à claques' which is a french expression meaning :

Mes billets vedette en 2022 :

n°5

I would like to congratulate Mochizuki Jun for taking 2 romantic moments from Princess Mononoke and merginf them into one romantic moment between Vanitas and Noé (plus another one not that long before).

Just... Congratulation

49 notes - publié le 9 mai 2022

n°4

Natsume Yuujinchou / Natsume's Book of Friends / Le Pacte des Yokai chap 100

Look at how adorable he was as a kid. I just can't.

57 notes - publié le 31 août 2022

n°3

Homura Arc (chapters 100-104) - How Ban's character highlighted Natori and Matoba's bond/Frienemieship/Whatever it is they have through cats

@joelleity here's the thing I was talking about

Heads up I haven't read the non translated chapter so this is only resting on the canon we have up to chap 108.

I've always considered NatsuYuu to be a cat people story in part because most characters have cat-like tendencies (especially if they're Ayakashi related, whether because they're Yokai or because they can see/feel them). This show is about the importance of interpersonal relationship and those are treated very much with a cat themed thesis of "even if it's just for a second and you find happiness with other people, it doesn't make its impact lesser than"...Also Natsume punching creatures bigger than he is and running away immediately is peak cat behavior u.u.

Generally speaking there are very few humans in this show who give the cat vibe as much as Matoba Seiji does.

However I didn't expect Midorikawa sensei to play with it this literally instead of just jokingly (if one day we get a chapter with any character, but especially Matoba being turned into a cat I'll die)...

More seriously though, the focus of this story is Maneki Neko exorcism tools and the fact that Ban wants to capture them for his Master who happen to be Matoba Seiji's Sister (whom I will call Lady Matoba from now on for practicality). Which actually give us these two as foils

through the Matoba siblings feud(?).

Surprising, I know. I actually don't know the point of this, I've mostly noticed a pattern and am trying to write my thoughts down.

First let's take a look at what we know of where Matoba Seiji and Natori Shuuchi are at, at the beginning of this story.

So far in the main story Matoba and Natori have been established as people who know each other through having clearly worked together before which brings some level of knowledge about each other that's common between colleagues and Natori is particularly distrustful of Matoba. They still both acknowledge the other's skills.

We've also got to know only a few chapters prior that they have known each other since high school and had moments which they remembered differently. Natori remembered not liking the loquat he tried meanwhile Matoba remembered being offered loquats only because he was with Natori and remembering the context as well as remembering Natori's experience too.

The flashback chapters, which we have had for longer, give a lot more depth to this. We know that Natori's distrust is caused both by Matoba's attitude toward casually using others (well, him specifically) AND because of Natori's family rejection because of who he is. Basically Natori has a huge inferiority complex and doesn't know how to have interpersonal relationships.

Meanwhile Matoba seeked him out regularly 'cause lonely teenage boy, and because he too sucks at interpersonal relationships, he tried to find a pragmatic reasoning for why he was there. Since he was basically raised to live, breathe and die for his clan his pragmatism is inherently linked to that. Whether he was trying to find use for his clan and took the opportunity to find a friend or he wanted a friend and took the opportunity to help his clan is left unsaid. Either way he tried to get both.

It generally seems mostly one sided in the fondness department. with the exception of that one time Natori woke up after being possessed, Matoba seems to be the only one trying to turn this into an actual friendship.

So on the one hand we've got Matoba seeking Natori out and trying to befriend him but unable to be vulnerable because that would make his clan vulnerable. Matoba even tried to get Natori to come to his clan so he'd get a talented exorcist and get an actual friend out of it (vulnerability would not be as much of a problem if it's from the inside. Granted I doubt he though that far ahead). Matoba who is used to being rejected and still tries. Though he stops trying to recruit Natori he still seeked him out. Until he stopped which we don't know a thing about.

On the other we've got Natori who doesn't want to be vulnerable out of fear of being rejected, who takes Matoba at face value and never really tries to see past the Clan Heir to who Matoba is because Matoba's front gives him an excuse to fear vulnerability.

The one time he tried, Matoba got cold feet because while hoping, he's never actually had anybody try to reciprocate a genuine interest in him as a person and didn't know how to react so he fell back on known mechanisms.

This is represented by their names. Matoba calling Natori by his first name and getting him to call him Seiji and them arriving at adulthood using their last names with a polite distance.

Neither was in a good enough place to actually manage to build strong foundations so there are foundations but they're kind of just...there waiting to be reinforced and built on.

So that's it for the run down.

But why does that matter ? Well this chapter nuances everything through more or less subtle additions which hasn't really happened yet in the main story, at least not on such a big scale.

Natori's familiarity with the Matobas

We start the arc with Natori recognizing an object belonging to someone we don't know. Just that they make him shudder. We learn at the very end that this is Lady Matoba. Which brings some behaviors to a different light.

For example when explaining who Ban is and what kind of person he is sevring, we get this:

Voir l'intégralité du billet

57 notes - publié le 29 août 2022

n°2

Natsume Yuujinchou / Natsume's Book of Friends / Le Pacte des Yokai chap 101

Matoba is such a nerd.

72 notes - publié le 3 septembre 2022

Mon billet n°1 en 2022

OK but Eddie's announcement about leaving the 118 and putting Buck on the spot at the end of 510 is sooooo similar to the way he chose to enroll in the army leaving Shannon behind.

In both cases he's running away with the excuse of taking care of his son (both were fully valid, but still excuses).

He admits to Carla that the shooting and the kidnapping both impacted him, the same way he admitted to Buck that he left for the army because he was scared.

Except now he clings to his son instead of leaving him behind. But he still leaves his partner behind without discussing with them the fact that he won't be able to have their backs first.

If there was any moment Eddie needed to get Therapy... It's now.

141 notes - publié le 3 mars 2022

Obtenez votre année 2022 en revue sur Tumblr →

[just---my---thoughts]

Some days are easier than others.

Some days I just can’t grasp. How did we get here? Sadly, I don’t have to search too much for the answers. I already went over everything in my mind so many times. So I know exactly how.

I guess I sometimes just can’t believe that there’s really no turning page. It was good until it wasn’t. And it was it was. It’s over now.

I miss the exchanges, the conversations, feeling understood, all those inside jokes. I still go over photos and videos and I remember those feelings as if it was yesterday. But it’s been 4 fucking years. Wow.

In my head I’m like “remember that? that was so funny” - I really miss the sound of your laugh - “can you believe that this happened?”. “remember this song?”. “look at how small your nephew was here! he must be so big now”. Instead, nothing. Silence. Repress it. Process it. Let it go (on the worst days probably light a joint over it).

Better this way. We don’t want anybody getting more hurt than they already did.

Some days are easier than others.

Lately I often think about how next year it will be 5 years since I walked out your hallway for the last time. Just young and dumb, no fucking clue that’d be the last time. But after so much processing and letting go, why is it still so present? “Not getting over it” is somehow not the correct term for it… Why so many sleepless nights reliving stuff and wondering. Wandering - my mind.

“How is your family?”. “Do you enjoy your work?”. “How’s life as full time worker for you? That transition from student life to full time worker was so crazy right?”. “I’m so proud of your bachelor thesis btw. You did amazing and I wish I could’ve been there to congratulate you”. “What kind of music have you been listening to?”. “Isn’t it crazy we’ll be 30 soon? We were like 19 at Darcy!”. “What’s the coolest place you’ve been to these past years?”. “Can I at least wish you happy birthday or merry Christmas?”. “Do you still miss Canada sometimes?”. “Remember that ‘he just wanted to be part of it’ note?”Instead, nothing. Silence. Repress it. Process it. Let it go.

Some days are easier than others.

5 years soon. I wonder how it’ll be when I’m 70. I know for sure it’ll be that “I fucked this up” feeling. Those experiences made me who I am today after all and I’ve already shared this with N and friends. But will it still be this “will we ever at least talk or see each other again” felling? This “I wish I was more mature when I met you so I could’ve dealt with everything better” feeling? At 70? Looking at old photos and videos for the nostalgia? Hard to believe. At the same time, hard to picture that it won’t. Why is this feeling so overbearing and unlike anything I’ve ever felt? Instead, nothing. Silence. Repress it. Process it. Let it go.

Some days are easier than others.

Life is a blessing. Health and just waking up everyday are privileges. Being able to pay your bills and have food to eat are privileges. Having a family is a privilege. Growing up is a beautiful process. Still, some days are really hard.

Some days are easier than others.

“I miss you in my life so much it hurts my heart.”. “You cross my mind every day”. “I wish you good things every day”. “When I’m alone I still pray for your happiness and that you don’t have those same feelings and thoughts as me”. Instead, nothing. Silence. Repress it. Process it. Let it go.

Some days are easier than others.

(Song actually has nothing to do with the message, it’s just one of many songs I’d love to share with you or somebody. Kaytranada’s production is insane)

[chucktaylorupset]

I'm late but do u have any other unhinged (or hinged, I'm desperate) essay writing methods you've heard of? Please and thank you

Based on the word desperate I am going to act while assuming the worst.  So if there is indeed a deadline stalking you like a predator animal through the bush while you are an innocent three legged and zero word count gazelle, you will be as quickly and well armed as you can to meet the challenge. 

This is the quick version, the meandering funny version can come later, either I'll reblog this or put it in a new post.

Here is what you do.  Get a speech to text app or failing that a voice memo.  You can default to whatever is preinstalled in your phone, especially if you have very little time. 

Start a new file.  Say words in order into the microphone about what you plan to write about.  Summarize your general intro and thesis, explain your body paragraphs, bullshit like you have a conclusion.  If you do not have body paragraphs and this is a research essay, summarize each of your sources in turn.  Then try to say how at least two relate to each other, but ideally you do this for as many sub groupings as possible.  When you are done, make sure to save.

If you have a voice memo, you will need to play back and transcribe this.  When you're done, you should have a bunch of raw words. 

Ideally you do as many steps as you have time for, but if it's real bad and you are out of time, you can turn this in right now.  You should probably follow this up as soon as possible with an email to the teacher/professor.  This can be scary, so I will give you a form.

Dear [PROF NAME. REMEMBER TO CHANGE THIS TO THE ACTUAL NAME]. 

I hope this message finds you well.  Regrettably, I do not have a final draft for [ASSIGNMENT REMEMBER TO CHANGE THIS PART TOO].  I'm sorry this is last minute and I know your late policy is [YOU KNOW THE DRILL] but I was wondering if there was anyway to get an extension.  I know that this is not my best effort, and if at all possible I want to do better.

Thank you for your time,

[YOUR NAME].

If looking up the late policy stresses you out, delete that section of the sentence.  Make sure the email has sent.

You then should get yourself a glass of your preferred beverage and maybe a snack and then go to sleep or nap, depending on your deadline time.  School is stressful.  Writing deadlines are stressful.  You are expending a lot of energy working very hard and being very brave and this should be rewarded.

These next steps can be taken immediately, if you have enough time, or after an answer on the potential extension, if you did not.

It is editing time.  Take those bunch of raw word vomit and pretty it up a bit. If speech to text then you need to fix all the words that the program transcribed wrong.  Sometimes there's the rare app that will leave you with both the audio and the transcript and you can reference the former to fix the latter.  Make sure to check for homophones, machines are still learning the difference between "write" and "right."  In the machines defense, writing is very difficult.

Put in evidence and quotations that are much harder to verbalize on the fly.  Maybe in your summarization you have already marked where this evidence should go.  Reword sentences to make them appropriate to written format instead of voice. Feel free to expand your ideas.

You now have a bunch of words that you can turn in.  Congratulations!  Do that, check to make sure you have a receipt of your submittal as I have fucked myself that way many a time.  Revisit the step of hydrate/refuel/hibernate.  Rejoice.

Remind yourself that you have done some very hard important work.  Hopefully this method has made that easier.  If it has not, I hope it at least has not made it worse, especially if you are already stumped.  From reading your ask, I'm not certain that's the situation at all but I'm playing it safe.

Do not feel bad if this method did not work.  I myself benefit from it by being a very particular person.

Mileage varies.  This method gave me a 1,200 rough draft after speaking into a microphone for eight minutes and forty-one seconds.  Which made me very, very angry, particularly at my mother, but that is a story for another day.

[cleocatzby]

RGB but according to...

Part 1: Modern female artists

Uh yes, quite literally.

Poor television wife.

I'm not sure if he is from London specifically, but he is very English.

Nothing short of transcendent.

Stay tuned for part 2!

[peaches-writes]

d-day

description: a graduation seven years in the making member: minho / lee know genre: fluff (?), angst, almost lovers au, college au, reader is a film student word count: 7.8k warnings: explicit language, drinking, food, suggestive note: this is so patchy n messy im so sorry anw based on one of my fave films 

d-3 until graduation

You exhale a sigh of relief at finally finishing 2 hours worth of revisions, rubbing your blurry eyes before stretching your tired arms upward. Professor Park, your thesis adviser, looks up from her own work at your action, a small smile on her lips. “Done?” 

You nod with a grin as you quickly open your laptop’s Mail browser, forwarding your final, final, final thesis to her e-mail account. “I already e-mailed it to you, Prof. Park.” 

Your thesis adviser then turns her eyes back to her laptop, clicking on some icons in her laptop screen then turning back to you, “Well, then, I guess you’re free to go, Y/N.” She then closes her laptop. “Happy graduation.” 

Fucking finally, you groan internally while externally mustering up a grateful smile as you gather your belongings and stand up from your workspace. “Thank you, Professor Park!” 

Professor Park nods with an acknowledging hum, taking a sip of her coffee. “Go celebrate with your friends this week, eat out, party, whatever. I heard that Jaehyun kid from CAL is hosting the yearly graduates-only party.” 

You giggle over your hand. Though Professor Park is one of the ‘hip’ members of the faculty, she always seems to surprise everyone by how much student gossip she knows. “I will? Thanks?” You then bid her goodbye, leaving the classroom. 

Crossing the hallway to the stairs at the leftmost end of the building, you whip out your phone from the side pocket of your backpack, scrolling through your messages and opening your chat with your best friend, Minho. 

y/n: where r u? 

y/n: just passed my thesis 

y/n: officially officially graduating!!! [sent 10:49 AM] 

You then go down the three flights of stairs to the lobby, greeting the security guards and undergraduates who greet you back with kind congratulations as you pass the entrance. Then, going down the final staircase down to the sidewalk, you cross the pedestrian lane to your department building’s parking lot, proceeding straight to your car and checking your phone once again as you start the engine. 

minho: congrats!!!

minho: dept building where else lmao 

minho: w hyunjin 

minho: not done yet [10:51 AM]

You place your phone on one of the cup holders and your backpack in the backseat before turning your entire body facing front, driving backwards as you exit the parking lot. 

You arrive at the Performing Arts Building in less than a song on the radio, parking at their parking lot and eventually finding Minho and Hyunjin in one of the mirrored practice rooms, dancing to the last verse of Chan’s new song. You greet the two through the reflection, waving hello and receiving short waves in return. 

“Congratulations, Y/N!” Hyunjin adds to his greeting, turning around and running to you with extended hands for a hug. Minho pauses the music from his laptop lying nearby, stifling his laughs at knowing very well how you would react to Hyunjin’s initiative to give you a hug. 

When Hyunjin tries hugging you, you immediately swat his hands away, as Minho accurately expected. “Gross, you’re so sweaty!” You exclaim, making Hyunjin pout and Minho finally let out the chuckle he’s been trying to hide. Averting your eyes to your best friend standing behind Hyunjin, only then do you notice him walking towards you as well. 

Minho pats your head once he’s in front of you, careful of not messing your hair. “Congrats.” He greets coolly, making you roll your eyes. 

“You could be a little more enthusiastic.” You huff. Minho passed all of his requirements two weeks earlier than you, he’s really just hanging around campus at this point because he’s too lazy to pack his things. 

“I’m giving you a hug, then.” He says and this time you don’t stop him as he gives you a side hug. 

“Favoritism.” Hyunjin coughs under his breath, making you glare at him. He then changes the topic, glancing between you and Minho when you separate. “So are you two leaving already?” 

“Are you two done?” You ask back in answer, gesturing towards him and Minho. “What are you practicing, anyway?”

Minho shrugs, gesturing over to Hyunjin. “His recital piece still. We’re done already, though.” 

You contemplate on this for a moment. Checking the time on your phone, 11:08 AM, you ask, “Can I see before we go?” 

“Hug first.” Hyunjin teases, extending his arms out again. 

“Dude, I said you’re sweaty.” 

“Then you’ll have to wait until the recital.” Hyunjin sticks his tongue out at you, feigning annoyance. “I can’t with this favoritism.” 

“Then I won’t go to your recital.” You cross your arms, smirking triumphantly at knowing the younger boy’s weakness. “And it’s not favoritism, Minho actually bothers to bring and use towels during practicing.” 

Hyunjin rolls his eyes. “Favoritism.”

You and Minho only chuckle. The three of you then move to the center of the room, you moving to Minho’s laptop while Minho and Hyunjin prepare to dance. 

“So if we run through this choreography,” Hyunjin suddenly interrupts you from playing the music. “Does this mean I’m exempted from having to buy you an obligatory graduation gift on Sunday?” 

You shake your head. “No, you still need to buy me something.” Before Hyunjin could retort, you press play on Minho’s laptop, making him whine in complain while getting in position. 

Chan’s voice echoes around the room as the lively song picks up pace. You place Minho’s laptop on the floor next to you, pulling your knees closer to your chest as you watch the two dance in front of you. 

Whenever they have to move closer to you, Minho would send you a wink while Hyunjin only throws you exaggerated frowns and pouts. You roll your eyes at Minho and stick your tongue out at Hyunjin, teasing the two, but you can’t help but focus more on your best friend, unconsciously becoming dazed by his fluid movements. 

Having an attractive best friend who dances really well is too hard, you sigh to yourself when Minho catches you drifting over to him again, playfully biting his lip while winking at you this time. Your face scrunches up in fake disgust against the heat rising to your neck, to think I’ve put up with this for 7 years. 

Before you can even realize it, the song finishes, Hyunjin dramatically dropping on the floor while Minho approaches you, crouching down to his laptop and closing it. You clap at the performance, thanking Hyunjin for the ‘sneak peak’ of his performance then turning to Minho, “Okay, so lunch?” 

“Are you treating?” He looks at you with pure mischief in his eyes, making you slap his arm. 

“You didn’t even treat me when you passed your requirements.” You point out with a scoff which he only takes lightheartedly with a laugh. 

From your peripheral vision, you see a tired Hyunjin lift his head and turn to the two of you. “If you guys are just going to flirt, can you do it outside? I’m taking a break and I want to take it in peace.” 

“Do you want to have lunch with us, Hyunjin?” You ask, standing up from the floor while Minho leaves your side to change his shirt in the bathroom and gather his things. 

The younger boy shakes his head, laying his head down on the floor again. “Pass, I’m having lunch with Felix later.” Passing by his limp body on the floor, he sends a smirk your way, as if he suddenly thought of something witty. “Go enjoy your date with your Minho.” 

You roll your eyes at this, kicking his knees to which he reacts with another dramatic whine. “Don’t be so fucking loud.” 

“But it’s true!” 

“He might hear.” You complain, eyes then widening at seeing Minho come out of the bathroom wearing a new shirt. “I hate you.” 

Hyunjin sees Minho as well from his peripheral vision, snickering. “Whatever, have fun at your not a date lunch, then.” 

“Oh? Hyunjin you’re not coming with us?” Minho asks, walking over to you with his backpack and laptop. Hyunjin then quickly explains his lunch plans before shooing the two of you out. “Okay, then, see you tomorrow.” 

You bid Hyunjin goodbye as well, narrowing your eyes and sending him a pointed look as well when Minho’s not looking. When Hyunjin shoos the two of you again with his hands, only then do you and Minho leave, his hand grabbing yours as you walk out. 

“You seem very mentor-y now.” You comment as the two of you walk outside the building, swaying your hands in between the two of you. “Like those alums who visit occasionally and help the undergrads or something.” 

Minho playfully rolls his eyes at you. “It’s not like we’ve officially graduated already. Just call me old and go.” 

“I didn’t say that, you did, so you do you, I guess.” You snicker before changing the topic. “Where do you want to eat, by the way?”

"There’s a cafe across the street.” He points out for you. “Apparently, it’s new.” 

And so, the two of you settle for the cafe across the Performing Arts building, miraculously finding an empty table by the window. Minho sits closely next to you on the cushioned seats while sipping on his Americano, extremely touchy now that it’s only the two of you. You rearrange your schedule on your phone in an attempt to ignore the way your heart beats just a little bit faster at Minho’s shoulder brushing against yours while he tilts his head to your side, peering over your phone. 

“Can’t you really come with me and Chan tonight?” You ask him with a frown after looking over your schedule. He looks up at you from this, his face mere inches from yours and making you lean back instinctively. “It’s D-3 to graduation so it’s free food and drinks from the auntie who owns the grill tonight.”  

He bites on his straw, leaning away from you as he answers with a frown. “I can’t cancel helping Felix tonight since he’s only free after 4 PM.” At that, the food then arrives. The two of you thank the waiter before Minho continues, “Can’t you two reschedule to tomorrow night?”

The two of you then busy yourself with sorting through your meals with Minho trying to take your plates to his side and you swatting his hand in response. While doing this, you answer his question, “We’re picking up your suit tomorrow, that’s too much work for me already.” 

“What about the day after?” 

“That’s the pre-grad party.” 

“Well, you’ll be drinking with 1 less drinking buddy tonight, then.” Minho concludes with a pout. “We’re running through Felix’s entire choreo later.” 

You boo him while mixing your pesto which he returns with a glare. “It’s our last drinking party as students and you can’t even come.” 

“It’s not like we don’t have the summer.” He points out. “And the rest of our lives? Hello? We’re not going to be college students this summer anymore?” 

“Minho, you’re leaving for Japan in a month, Chan goes home to Australia after Hyunjin and Felix’s recital, and I start working in 2 weeks.” You correct him. “Come on, I need my two best friends! It’s been a whole semester since we last drank together.” You glance over at him as you eat your pesto, finding him chewing on his chicken slowly in thought. 

When he feels your gaze burning through his skull as the two of you eat, he looks up at you and sighs. “Fine, I’ll try catching up later.” 

You grin triumphantly. “As long as you get there by 9 PM.” You take another forkful of your pesto, feeling lighter now that you get to drink with your two best friends as college students one last time before graduating. “I’ll order you your favorites.”

“You better reserve me at least 3 bottles of peach soju...and all the good samgyeopsal!” 

“You know I got you.” 

- 

You meet up with Chan at your favorite grill later that night, receiving various congratulations from the staff who’ve kept you mentally sane with their samgyeopsal and generous supply of soju in your 4 years as college students as the two of you find your favorite table and order your usual. The auntie who owns the grill, Mrs. Yang, asks about Minho when she spotted you and Chan and you quickly explain to her that he might arrive late since he’s helping Felix with his own recital piece. 

“You know, since it’s just us for now,” Chan says while pouring himself a drink an hour and a half into your two-person drinking party. “It kinda looks like we’re on a disastrous date and that you’ll escape through the bathroom anytime now unlike when we’re complete and we actually look like struggling college students.” 

You drink straight from your bottle of grape soju, giggling while pointing out, “Chan, you just indirectly called yourself a shitty date.” 

“I did? I meant to say we look awkward but whatever.” He then eats another lettuce wrap, chewing quickly to continue the conversation. “When is Minho coming anyway?” 

You check your the time on your own despite your blurring vision, 9:10 PM. “I told him to get here by 9 when we ate lunch but knowing him, he’ll probably struggle booking an Uber again.” You then put your phone back down on the table, careful of the small spills you and Chan made from toasting a while back. “I swear, he relies too much on me driving him around.” 

Chan nods in acknowledgement, drinking another shot of soju. “So we have a little bit of 30 minutes,” He then takes out his phone from his pocket, wiggling his eyebrows at you. You mutter a quick ‘gross’ at him but he continues speaking anyway. “Just enough time to play a round of Magic 8 Spotify.” 

You groan, covering your face with your hand in a mix of embarrassment and disappointment in Chan. “Bang Chan, I swear to God, stop making ‘Magic 8 Spotify’ happen.” 

Chan only sticks his tongue out at you, not even bothering to spare you a glance as he looks through his playlist while drinking. “It’s my drinking game, stop attacking its name.” He deadpans even though you’ve been telling him the same comment for 4 years now. “Now, think of a question and it better be interesting.”  

You contemplate on this for a moment, deciding to humor Chan since you’re starting to run out of things to talk about. “For my question...since this is our last college drinking party, how about the same question from 4 years ago?” 

"Seriously? Lame.” Chan comments but scrolls through his playlist with his eyes closed anyway. You scoff, leaning on the table in anticipation. 

-

4 years ago

“Okay,” A tipsy Chan sitting right across from you takes out his phone from his jean pocket, opening to his Spotify account. It’s your first drinking party and the birthday celebrant, Minho, sleeps right next to you, having passed out after his 8th bottle. “Y/N, you ask a question then we let my playlist answer.” 

“What?” You scoff over your shot glass of soju. “That sounds stupid.” 

The older boy only rolls his eyes, uncharacteristically sassy when he’s drunk. “Just roll with it and ask a question, it’s getting boring with just you and me drinking quietly.” 

“Okay, fine, fine!” You pause for a moment, contemplating on a question while holding your shot glass to your forehead. While contemplating, your eyes naturally turn to Minho with his face hidden in his crossed arms on the table. “Will I...will we—hik! Sorry—will I ever get the courage to confess to my best friend Lee Minho before graduation?” 

Chan almost spat his soju at you in surprise, luckily managing to hold himself back from doing so at realizing that he’s holding his phone. “Okay? I’ll shuffle now.”

“You’re judging me.” Simultaneously, you narrow your eyes at him skeptically with a huff, leaning back against the uncomfortable metal chairs of the restaurant.  

“I’m not!” Chan defends himself while scrolling through his Spotify playlist with his eyes closed. You think that he’s taking too long and that he should’ve just pressed the shuffle button. “It’s...a bit surprising, sure, but it’s kinda expected too, I guess.”

Fools by Troye Sivan then begins playing from Chan’s phone, making the two of you laugh in response. 

“What the fuck?” You comment in disbelief. “I hate you.”

“Hate the playlist not the owner.” He holds his hands up in the air briefly with a chuckle. Putting them down, he then leans to the table. “So, the birthday boy, huh?”  

You nod through your drink. Since Chan hasn’t known you and Minho for that long at the time, he then asks, “How long now?” 

“Only three years.” Internally, you wonder why you’re spilling your heart out to someone you’ve just met this semester as you speak. Chan seems trustworthy, though, so your drunken self continues anyway. “But we’ve been best friends for four years now.” 

“So why do you have to ask if you get to confess? It’s not like you’re not close or something—just do it if you want.”

“Yes, but, you have to know, Chan, that Minho’s the most difficult person.” You state matter-of-factly with a few stumbles in your words now, the alcohol kicking in. “Sometimes, he can be really affectionate, possessive at times even, but then when there’s a lot of people around, he’s so distant...like a walking pile of mixed signals!” 

Chan nods along. When he doesn’t speak, you continue. “And then there’s also the ‘I don’t want to risk our friendship’ bullshit, of course.” You shrug. “Minho’s too much of a keeper as a best friend for me...which is another problem because I don’t know if I’m just overthinking my feelings for him as a best friend or if they’re already enough to consider a crush.” 

“So you’ll just hold this crush in forever?” Chan chuckles lightheartedly, no malice anywhere in his tone. 

At this, you contemplate once again. It takes you a whole minute to answer, “Of course not. I want to fall in love and get reciprocated too, you know, whether it’s him or not.” You then take another shot. “It’s just that, I’m too preoccupied with him at the moment to think of someone else.”

“Until when then?” At this, you send him a questioning look so he continues, “Until when are you holding onto this crush. Realistically, you can’t be in an unsure crush forever.” 

“Until graduation?” You raise an eyebrow, as if asking for Chan’s approval. “A lot can happen then. If future me doesn’t gather the balls to confess until graduation rites then I’ll just give it up altogether. It’d be too long by then, anyway.”

“Wow, such assurance to graduate on time.” Chan jokes to lighten the situation, making you reach over to him and smack him on the shoulder. 

-

This time, Letting Go by Day6 plays, inciting the same reactions from you and Chan at hearing the lyrics. “I’m telling you, this game is very accurate when it’s my playlist.” Chan comments as you let the song play on at a reasonable volume. He puts his phone down, pouring you soju this time. “It’s been 4 years and future Y/N is now present Y/N who still hasn’t confessed yet.”

“What if I plan to within the remaining 2 days?” You challenge, only to receive a disagreeing shake of the head from Chan.

“Psh, you can’t even say no to him asking you to drive him somewhere even when you’re really busy.” 

You groan. You hate it when Chan’s right. 

“So,” Chan continues. “It’s 3 days to graduation. Will you just let it pass by then drop your crush on Minho after graduation or what? What’s the plan?”

You shrug reluctantly, chewing on your lettuce wrap miserably. “I don’t know. It’s not like I’ve been thinking about that thing from 4 years ago the entire time." You look down on your fidgety hands under the table, suddenly finding them interesting. “I mean, a lot has happened but I still feel so unsure...like I don’t know if he feels the same or even entertains the idea of trying with me...”

“We’re going our separate ways after graduation too.” You continue. “Whether something good or bad comes out of confessing or keeping my feelings, can I keep up with him being in Japan? And there’s work too...I don’t know.” 

“Then, don’t think too much about it.” Chan shrugs nonchalantly. “Confess in your own time if you want or keep it to yourself until it goes away even after graduation, it’s alright either way. Maybe you’re just thinking too much into that deadline you made when you were drunk.”

“But don’t you think this crush has been long overdue?” You finally speak out the thought that has been bothering you since it was brought up. “It’s been 7 years. Do you think that’s too long already?”  

“You tell me.” Chan concludes just as you finally reach the dormitory building. “I can’t judge your feelings, they’re yours, after all.”

You think of something else to say but before you can continue the conversation, the seat next to you is pulled back and when you look to your left, Minho greets you and Chan with a tired smile. “What did I miss?” He pats your head again, just like when you met this afternoon, before taking a seat. 

Chan gives you a look before turning to Minho, waving his phone. “We’re playing Magic 8 Spotify. Ask a question, Minho.”

Minho unknowingly mimics your reaction to the name as he takes an unopened bottle of peach soju in his hands. “Chan, the game seriously needs a better name.” 

“You know, you two are my greatest haters.” Chan narrows his eyes at the two of you. “But since I’m nice and this drinking party’s free, I’m letting it slide.” 

Minho chuckles. “So, it’s my turn now, right?” He pauses for a moment, as if thinking of a question. “How about...will we peacefully graduate on Sunday? Humor me, ‘Magic 8 Spotify,’ even though your name is weird.” 

Chan scoffs, closing his eyes and scrolling through his playlist anyway. 

You drink a glass of water this time. “Why the question? Are you expecting something on Sunday or....something?” 

You turn to Minho, receiving a casual shrug from him. “I don’t know. Those things happen though.” 

Chan snickers at this, finally choosing a random song. Sweet Disposition by the Temper Trap begins to play, making Minho chuckle in amusement. 

“Sounds ominous.” He comments, Chan nodding along as he puts his phone down, letting the music play. 

At the back of your head, you definitely think it’s like some sort of sign, even more so when you catch Chan looking at you with a knowing glint in his eyes. 

“Anyway it’s a good song,” Chan continues, raising his shot glass. “definitely deserves a toast.” 

d-2 until graduation

You wake up later than usual the next day, a migraine threatening the back of your head but not too serious enough to make you worried. Checking the time on your phone, 10:20 AM, you groan in frustration and cover your face with your blanket just as you hear your door open followed by the familiar pattern of Minho’s footsteps. 

“Rise and shine, we’re going to the tailor’s!” Your loud best friend announces his presence as he enters your room, proceeding to stand over your bed and yanking the covers off of you. 

How he’s not having a hangover worse than yours when he drank two bottles more than you, you can’t fathom. 

You groan in annoyance but sit up slowly anyway, gently shoving him out of the way as you get out of bed. “Yes, now stop being so loud, I’m gonna get a migraine because of you.” Minho steps to the sit obediently, proceeding to fold your blanket. 

You take out a striped shirt and ripped jeans from your closet, heading in the bathroom to take a quick shower. “So do we have to spend the whole day at the mall?” You ask while brushing your teeth, voice a little louder since you locked the bathroom door. 

Outside, Minho lays down on your now made bed, scrolling through his phone again. “Yeah, if you’re not busy. We can eat lunch after or something.” 

You roll your eyes. “The audacity.” You finish brushing your teeth now. “Plus, you just need my car.” 

Without even stopping from scrolling through his Instagram feed, Minho yells back, “I need you and your car, there’s a difference.” 

Your heart does a flip but your scoff in disbelief. Nevertheless, you proceed to take a shower, thinking to yourself, how the fuck do I expect myself to graduate by Sunday like this?

- 

At the tailor’s shop two hours later, you sit on the lone metal bench right outside the fitting rooms, scrolling through your Instagram. Minho busies himself on the other side of the thin wall, trying on his tailored suit inside the stall nearest to the exit where you are.

A clerk also stands right across from you, examining her nails, in case Minho, her only customer, needs help.

“Y/N?” Your best friend suddenly calls, garnering yours and the clerk’s attention. “Can you come in here?”

Your face grows red but, slyly taking a glance at the clerk, you see that she doesn’t care. Putting your phone back in your backpack, you reluctantly walk inside the fitting room hall, easily spotting Minho by his head that pops out the semi-open door.

“Why—“ Before you can even finish your sentence, however, he quickly pulls you inside once you’re at a close distance, closing the door behind you. “Ya!”

Once he’s standing right in front of you, only then do you realize that he’s wearing his a crisp white dress shirt and black trousers with a black suit jacket and a loose plain red necktie around his neck.

Though his expression is confident, you really do think he’s the most handsome in a suit. 

“What’s the problem?” You ask despite the rising heat from your neck and an idea in your head of what could be the answer.

When Minho went as your plus one to your cousin’s wedding two years ago, he wore a bow tie because he couldn’t tie his own necktie.

And as if hearing your thoughts, he does gesture to the tie around his neck. “Tie.”

So this is what he meant by he needs me a while back. You sigh in exasperation, taking a step closer to him and taking hold of the necktie. “What would you do without me after graduation, hm? What if you need to go to a black-tie event in Japan?” You scold, carefully and slowly doing the tie for him so he can try and memorize the steps. 

“I’m just going to dance in Japan, not go on red carpets.” From your peripheral vision, you see Minho tilting his head away to look at you as you fix the placement of his tie around his dress shirt’s collar, a cheeky grin on his face. “If I needed you to tie my necktie, I’d video call with you.”

“And if I’m busy with work?” You ask, challenging your now erratic heartbeat (because of the proximity) by looking up at him after. “College’s not as flexible as work, you know.”

“You’re never busy enough to ignore me—college or work.” He shrugs confidently with a small teasing smile. “You love me too much.”

You scoff, finishing his necktie with a light pat to his chest. You’re too prideful to admit that he’s right. “There.” Your eyes then trail over to his suit jacket, a hand finding their way to the textile near the necktie you just finished. “So, this is it?”

“Yup. Like it?” He leans close to you and nudges you by the shoulder before posing with his suit. 

“I seriously don’t understand why you need to tailor suits when they all look the same.” 

“I look so handsome, though.”

You roll your eyes as Minho admires himself in the mirror. Though he can be cocky, you have to admit that it’s perfectly justified, though. Fucking good genes. “You’re lucky you have the frame of a model so even plain suits look good on you.” You end up musing nonchalantly at these. “Handsome idiot.” 

“I’m a model to you now?” He chuckles almost cockily, raising an eyebrow at you. “And I’m handsome?” 

You roll your eyes. “Me being nice is your graduation gift.” You tease. “Don’t get too used to it, it’s only until Sunday.”

Minho only chuckles in amusement. “Sure, keep telling yourself that.” He then turns his gaze to the full-length mirror, examining his suit one last time before loosening his tie and taking off his jacket. “So, do you want to stay in while I change?” For emphasis, he pretends to take off his shirt in front of you. 

You smack his arm, leaving immediately in a rush while he only laughs. 

- 

After you’ve checked out Minho’s suit, the two of you end up at a nearby McDonald’s for lunch, his suit hanging on the fast food’s exposed beam decor. It’s only then at lunch do you realize that you’re both wearing matching striped shirts.

“What do you want for your graduation present, by the way?” Minho asks next to you, taking one of your fries after, clearly unbothered that you look like a bunch of straight horizontal lines whenever he leans to your side.

You slap his hand once he’s eaten the stolen fry. “We’ve been friends for 8 years and you can’t think of a graduation present? Shame.”

“Y/N, when you’re exceptional at gift-giving, it eventually gets harder to top your own ideas.” He says while chewing on his straw and sipping Cola. “Work with me here.”

You roll your eyes, swallowing a bite of your burger first before answering. “I’m okay with anything, it’s not like a yearly holiday so I don’t really have anything in mind.”

Your best friend lets out an exasperated groan. “Seriously?! Come on, don’t tease me!”

“If you’re planning to shop behind my back while we’re here, I can just look with you.” You shrug. “Then, you can get my grad gift for you on Sunday.”

“Then it won’t be a gift anymore.” He points out, stealing another one of your fries.

“It’s whatever.” You shrug. “When have we ever thought too much about those things, anyway. I actually bought you toothpaste for Japan.”

“Really?”

“Of course not, you fool.”

Minho ended up buying you charms to hang up in your car, three cats that resemble his pets and a strawberry. 

“Do you think they do custom?” He asks, looking around as the two of you head to the cashier. 

“Why?” You look up at him, the charms in your hands. “These are cute as they are.” 

“I meant so I can get you one with my face.” He clarifies laughs. 

You only roll your eyes. “I already have enough pictures of you in my car.” You retort, remembering your accumulating collection of polaroid photos in your glove compartment. 

“Oh, right. Should we frame some of those later?” He asks. When you reach the counter, he takes the charms from your hands and gives them to the cashier lady before paying. 

After a brief moment of considering the idea, you nod with a hum. “It’s about time I do something about them anyway.” 

At that, the two of you then sit longer at the mall’s parking lot later after shopping, rummaging through your glove compartment for pictures to hang on your rear view mirror. You hold half of the pile on your lap while Minho displays his half on the dashboard. 

While sorting through your photos, it fully dawns on you how long 8 years has been. It’s too fucking long, you realize as you find photos in polaroid and developed film that you never even thought would still be in your car. 

“Ignore the high school photos from 8 years ago, please.” You remind him, physically cringing. “They’re too embarrassing.”

“Like this one?” He holds up a developed photo from your high school graduation where he bought you a bouquet of sunflowers. You snatch it from his hands at seeing your braces then, cheeks flushed. “Why? You looked cute with braces.” 

You place the photo on your end of the dashboard. “I looked really weird then.” He shakes his head in disagreement but you insist, “No high school photos for my car.” 

“What about this one, then?” He holds a photo of the two of you at Lotte World from your first semester break, wearing colorful headbands and holding cotton candy to your faces. “This was, what, during our first semester break?” 

“Yeah, Jisung took that one.” You add. “Then after taking the picture, we spotted Felix and Changbin on a date of their own.” 

You continue rummaging through your own pile, eventually finding one of your favorites. “I like this one.” You show the photo to him, a badly taken photo of the two of you dancing in Itaewon on Christmas. “You were so drunk this time you were grinding on Jisung and Felix.” 

Minho reacts with a face of disapproval. “Clearly. What will your future dates say when they get in your car then see me looking like that?” 

You roll your eyes, though the question he so casually asked makes you feel iffy. So, you continue looking. “Oh, this one’s pretty.” You show him your next pick, of the two of you when you went on a summer trip to Busan. “This was at Haeundae Beach when they had a summer music festival.” 

Minho smiles, admiring the photo longer than the others. Though the quality is a bit bad since it was taken at night and the only sources of light at the beach then were the fairy lights and the bonfires, it’s a stolen photo of the two of you with Minho’s arm around you and one of your hands pinching his cheek. “If you’re going to hang this up, I get this one,” He then shows a photo of the two of you from when Minho won his first dance competition in the summer before your second year, confetti on your hair and a trophy in Minho’s hands. “the Lotte World pic, and our photo from your cousin’s wedding.”

“Are you taking them to Japan?” You ask, putting your Haeundae picture and Minho’s embarrassing drinking picture aside. You eventually find the picture from your cousin’s wedding, the one where the two of you stole the bouquet to have a pictorial at the old gazebo the reception’s venue had and ended up babysitting your nieces and nephews for the rest of the night as punishment. “If you’re taking them with you, you should take more. There’s some pictures with Chan and the others there too.” 

He nods. “I’m putting the wedding picture on my phone so when people ask me who you are, I can proudly boast that it’s my best friend and that they’re a rising filmmaker back at home.” He glances over to you, catching you smiling giddily. “Sounds good?” 

You return his gaze, holding back a sudden urge to cry. “...I’m still hanging up your drunk photo.” You stammer with a laugh, putting your hand over said picture when Minho tries to steal it from you. “It’s gold and it’s going in my car, let me have this one!” 

“Y/N!” 

You swat his hand away with your other hand, taking a photo from the dashboard, “To compensate, I’ll also put up our recent photo from Namsan so it cancels out your drunk face.” 

d-1 until graduation

The next night, you somehow end up at Jaehyun’s graduates-only party (you’re too drunk at this point to remember who drove but the car outside Jaehyun’s house is definitely not yours), drinking in the last empty guest bathroom with Chan and Minho. Jaehyun said there would be a countdown later (which you think is just too much since it’s not exactly New Year or Christmas) but it’s already 11:35 PM and the party seems to be heading in all directions but organized. 

You feel the music’s bass booming on the tiled floor even when you move to sitting on the bath tub opposite Minho who’s resting after an extensive game of beer pong against Bam Bam in the living room. Chan is the least drunk out of the three of you, sitting right next to the bath tub and munching on candies with a bottle of water. 

“Can I have some of that?” You stumble over your words tiredly as you turn to Chan, pointing to the candies scattered next to your empty liquor bottles. “What are those?” 

“Mint candies.” He passes you one before popping another in his mouth. “They’re clean, they’re from the freezer.” 

You feel Minho shift across from you, leaning over to you and asking for candies as well. Chan obliges, passing him two. “This party’s a bit...” He trails off as he sits back on his end of the bath tub again. 

Even when he doesn’t finish his sentence, you nod in agreement nevertheless. “I saw Mingyu literally hanging on a tree on the way here.” You fumble with the candy’s wrapper, only to have Minho take the candy from you and open it for you. You mumble a ‘thanks’ before eating the candy. “I’m pretty sure Yeeun and Dahyun already left too; Dahyun just sent me a goodnight message.” 

“Oh shit,” Chan curses under his breath. Suddenly, he’s standing up and fixing his ruffled clothes. “I totally forgot that I’m supposed to look for Hansol.”

“Hm? What for?” You watch Chan bid the two of you a quick goodnight before gathering his things and heading out the door. 

“Mixtape project!” He answers hurriedly before running outside, closing the door behind him and leaving you in the silence. 

Once Chan’s gone, you turn to Minho, propping your elbow on the side of the toilet and resting the side of your face to your hand. “Should we go now too?” You yawn, covering your mouth with your other hand. 

Minho checks the time on his phone. It’s 11:40 PM now. “I’m too tired to get up.” 

“Me too.” You frown, picking up your phone from the floor. When you open your phone, you immediately get a message from Chan. 

chan: 20 minutes to d-day ;)

chan: no pressure just letting u know [sent 11:41 PM]

You sigh. Now that it’s brought up again, you suddenly feel nervous, thoughts swarming in your head, mostly debating on actually confessing to Minho. It’s not like I can’t do it after this or graduation, you mentally debate, but there’s his 1 year stay in Japan...fuck what do I do?

In your mental dilemma, you steal another glance at Minho as he picks up the candies Chan left on the floor, his torso accidentally brushing against your legs when he leans on your side. The gesture makes you even more nervous and pressured at doing something. 

Now’s the perfect time, a voice in your head (ironically resembling Chan) tells you, one last surprise for the road. 

Minho definitely catches you looking before you can even brush your thoughts away, freezing in his position and looking at you with an expectant smirk. “What?” Your eyes widen at his sudden question, looking up at him as he kneels in front of you now. 

“N-Nothing.” You shake your head, leaning back on the end of the bathtub. 

But Minho doesn’t budge, opting instead to sit directly in front of you and poking the back of your phone, right on a picture of the two of you from one of your trips to the Han river placed carefully at the center of your clear case. “Who texted you?”

“Just Chan.” You close your phone, putting it back in your pocket. “He just said there’s 20 minutes until midnight.” 

“Why?” Minho prods on, his hand moving to poke your knee now. “Are you guys planning to count down with the others downstairs?”

“No...”You trail off, quickly contemplating in your head on what to say now. It’s silent for a while until you speak up again, “Actually...” 

Minho looks at you expectantly, his sleepy eyes going as wide as they can now while he leans forward to listen to you. 

You decide, fuck it, and take a deep breath. “I love you.” He blinks twice, eyes wide in surprise now, but doesn’t speak over you when your tone clearly sounded as if you wanted to say more. “I’ve loved you for 7 years now...since you broke the curfew rules and sneaked out to the convenience store with me during our junior field trip. I liked you even when you bought the wrong flowers for prom so you bought me my favorite sunflowers on graduation. 

“I loved you even when you would ditch me when you were dating that snotty girl from Accountancy...during all of our sightseeing trips around Seoul and summer trips to beaches in the south because this is our first time living on our own, riding bicycles at Han river, always driving you around Seoul because you don’t want to get your license...even when you’re so weird and flirty with any breathing human you pass by...I’ve loved you all this time..” You ramble on, slow as your mouth tries to keep up with your thoughts going at miles a second and chuckling awkwardly every now and then. “And I know it’s really random, it’s just that, on your birthday 4 years ago, when you fell asleep and it was just Chan and I bored out of our minds, we talked about it and just saying it out loud for the first time then, I wasn’t so sure if I should tell you then—and I’m still not sure now for a lot of reasons but honestly, fuck it, it’s been long overdue anyway and we’re graduating. I just want to get it out of my chest.”

You’re breathless at the end of your speech, hands fidgety as Minho’s expression softens at your words. 

Then suddenly, he’s kneeling in front of you again, leaning towards you slowly for a kiss. 

Outside the bathroom, you hear the remaining guests in the house cheer as the clock turns midnight. 

d-day

Minho pushes your knees down so your legs lay flat on the bath tub, giving him more space to move closer to you, hands settling onto your cheeks after. He kisses you gently and slowly, almost as if he’s afraid to push you after an emotional spiel, but with a surprising hint of eagerness, as if he’s been holding something back too. 

You kiss him back almost reluctantly, your hands settling on gathering his loose shirt on your fists. Your head feels light and your heartbeat is so fast but your eyes feel heavy with a stinging feeling, a bittersweet feeling pooling in your stomach. 

At that moment, you already knew the answer to the question you asked Chan the other day. When Minho tilts his head and slowly parts your lips with his tongue, you gently push him away after a moment, breathless and mumbling apologies under your breath. 

“It’s okay.” He strokes your cheek affectionately with his thumb when you turn your gaze away. “Are you okay?” 

You nod, the feeling in your stomach suddenly becoming heavier. “It’s just that...it feels too...”

Minho nods, moving to sit back in front of you again. He wears an expression you can’t read once again, making you feel even more confused and helpless in your situation.  

You run your fingers through your hair, not even realizing the way your nails have started to dig in your palms now. “I’m sorry.” 

“It’s okay, it’s okay...” He repeats. “I’m sorry too.” 

You look at him once again, the boy you’ve loved for 7 years. “Don’t be sorry, you didn’t do anything wrong...”

Somehow, it just feels too late already. 

After a moment of silence with Minho looking away from you respectfully as you collect yourself, you move forward this time, wrapping your arms around his torso in a hug. Minho hugs you back instinctively, rubbing his hand up and down comfortingly on your back as he tilts his cheek to the crown of your head. 

- 

You’re lucky your graduation is in the afternoon, allowing you time to cry early in the morning when you arrived, take a well-deserved nap, and cover your tear-stained face perfectly with make-up. 

When you arrived at the venue, greeting your parents and Minho’s parents who traveled to see you as well as receiving and exchanging grad gifts with your friends, you felt a little refreshed after the events of last night. 

“So, what happened when I left you two?” Chan asks you when you meet at the lobby. He gave you a a small bouquet of roses while you give him tickets to a Day6 concert dated before he leaves for Australia. “Not that I was expecting, just curious.” 

“Well, I told him.” You answer plainly. “I’d just leave it at that, if that’s okay.” 

From behind you, Chan sees Minho coming your way. He then smiles reassuringly at you, “It’s okay. I think he wants to talk to you, though.” He then gestures behind you. 

When you turn around, you see Minho, his toga draped over one arm and a bouquet of sunflowers in his hands.

Though it’s your second time seeing him in the suit, he still looks so handsome. 

“I’ll leave you two to it.” Chan says, giving you a reassuring pat on your shoulder before heading over to your other friends. 

Minho stops right in front of you, his free hand awkwardly rubbing the nape of his neck as he hands you the bouquet in his other hand. “For you.”

“You didn’t have to, you bought me something already.” You take it anyway, exchanging the bouquet with your grad gift for him. “It’s the ring you wanted to buy. They restocked when I picked them out last month.” 

Minho smiles at you gratefully, excitedly shaking the small box. “The gold one?”

You nod, remembering the small sunflower engravings that made him really like the ring at the mall. “Yeah, that one.” You confirm, putting your bouquets over your mouth as you feel heat rise up on your cheeks. 

A moment of silence passes between the two of you, Minho clearly putting a lot of thought into what he wants to say next by the way his expression scrunches up into concentration. 

“Y/N?” He calls your name after a while. You look up at him immediately in response. “We’re okay, right?” 

You nod with a hum. “We’re okay.” You lower the bouquet now, feeling as if all of your nervous feelings have been lifted off of your shoulders. “We’re graduating...I’m graduating.” 

Minho agrees to this with a nod, his smile growing into a relieved grin now. “Yeah...we’re graduating.” 

[has-gilgamesh-doneanythingwrong]

Celebration

In which an unexpected servant congratulates my mastersona for both passing their Mage Exams and helping Gudako complete yet another singularity!

(The true backstory is that I recently finished all of my essays, my thesis and exam- so thought I should treat myself by writing a fic to commemorate it!!! YIPPEE!!)

Staring blankly at the spotless ivory walls looming above their head, Seihai frowned. Listlessly plonking yet another slice of pizza into their mouth, they flopped onto their bed.

‘What the heck do I do with my life now?’ At current, Chaldea had lapsed into a week-long festival, due to everybody successfully completing yet another singularity.

As a result of this, Gudako managed to rouse the entirety of Chaldea into a tremendous partying mood; in which servants were blasting sparklers at one another; Liz was hogging the speakers to blast out her latest hit tunes; and the Chaldea kitchen was overwhelmed with both chefs as well as hungry customers.

Although Seihai did actively partake in some of the activities, and was overjoyed to see Chaldea enveloped in such joy, a gnawing sense of unease still tore at their stomach. Even though today was the dawn of Chadea’s first ever Nightclub Party- a day that Seihai had been dying to experience- said anxiety made it all but impossible to enjoy it.

‘I’m not in the mood to party anymore,’ Seihai languidly flicked through the television channels, eventually landing upon yet another battle anime. ‘I dunno...It feels like the victory’s hollow or something...’

In Seihai’s eyes, the one who did the bulk of the work during singularities were Gudako, Mash, the staff and their servants. When it came to Seihai’s own place in this war; they had no idea in hell where they belonged. Besides from offering support, assistance, and lessening the load on Gudako’s shoulders- by providing mana to servants that Gudako hadn’t the energy to supply- they were naught but a small bit-piece in the war.

Clutching their fists -as a character on the television behind them began to yell, they contemplated the box of pizza sitting before them.

As a treat for also passing the Mage Association’s rather convoluted, and extremely unnecessary Online Mage’s Exam with flying colors, Seihai had more or less begged Boudicca to make some pizza- so that they could celebrate on their lonesome. Lifting the glimmering slice towards the sky, Seihai smiled wryly.

“Congratulations, me. We’ve fought hard. Let’s not let the negativity beat us today.” Before they could chow down on the beautiful, tantalizing slice- an array of golden sparkles invaded their vision, as they choked on their slice.

‘H-HOLY SHIT!!!’ Slapping their back, they managed to slide the slice back out again, only to be distracted by a horrendous clunking noise; as Seihai’s room shook like a tornado.

Only one person would enter their room like this.

Spinning their head to the side, they take sight of the king’s pernicious smirk; his red eyes sparkling with impish glee.

“G-Gilgamesh....You sure as hell caught me off guard this time.” Sighing audibly, Seihai rubbed their crimson red locks of hair. “Why don’t you like to knock before entering?”

“You would ask one as mighty as I- the King of Heroes- to knock on your measly door before entering?” He looked genuinely shocked by the suggestion. “Have you lost your mind, by perchance?”

“I feel like we’ve gone through an argument like this already.” Helping themselves to their feet, Seihai attempts to look him in the eyes.  “I tell you ‘Yes, you should knock’, and then you go ‘you foolish cur! The king shall never knock before entering! It’s my right!’ or something like that.”

“Well, there you have it. Although wisdom initially evaded that tiny brain of yours, you’ve finally conjured up the answer to your own enquiry.”

“Hey, my brain isn’t tiny. I just can’t keep up with you sometimes.”

“If you’ve managed to fool yourself into believing that, then who am I to disagree?” Whipping out a decadent golden throne from a rippling gold portal, he places himself by Seihai’s side. “Now, I’m here to depart a word of wisdom. Listen carefully.”

‘W-Wait, he’s here to talk?! Why?!’ Utterly bemused by this turn of events, Seihai felt compelled to burst into laughter. ‘Oh shit, hold it in! Hold it in!’ Last time they laughed at the king; Gilgamesh threatened them with a thousand deaths. “Er...You want some drinks? Food?”

“Hoh...I’m glad to see that you retain enough honor to serve your king. However, the food of mongrels isn’t to-” As soon as Seihai pulled out an assortment of global snacks, Gilgamesh’s words caught in his very throat.

“Fine. Pass that one. On the right.” A look of embarrassment briefly flickered across his features, as he coughed lightly. “Don’t hesitate, mongrel! Pass it, post haste!!!”

Seihai smirked proudly at that. ‘Hehe, that’s payback for you being so damn rude! Can’t look down on my global snack collection, huh?’ 

Keeping such thoughts locked firmly within their mind, they pass Gilgamesh a vanilla twinkie. ‘How amusing...Gilgamesh, the arbiter of all pleasures; owner of all the items of the world, is a fan of snacks like twinkies...’ Seihai would most certainly make a note of this later on.

As they both settled down, munching down on an assortment of foods- Gilgamesh cleared his throat, his expression as hard as stone. “Mongrel.”

“Hm?”

“What ails you, to be avoiding a festival as grand as the Chaldea party? I’ll have you know that even I have no choice but to approve of its splendor.”

Seihai’s mind boggled at this. Was he inquiring as to their health? Lowering their head, Seihai mumbled a tiny “Well, you know...I’m just not in the mood. That’s all.”

“That’s all? I hadn’t taken you to be such a bore.”

“Well, that’s not really my problem; you know. Sometimes, I can be boring as hell, and today’s just one of those days.”

“Mongrel, Chaldea’s been renovated into a sparkling nightclub. A nightclub.” Gilgamesh placed heavy emphasis on the word ‘nightclub’. “And yet you still manage to profess that you’re ‘not in the mood’?! Whatever happened to that mongrel that wouldn’t stop dancing in the canteen the other day?” Gilgamesh looked truly offended, as if Seihai had broken a sworn covenant or something.

‘Wait, what the hell?! He caught me dancing in the canteen? FUCK!’ Seihai grimaced at this. “W-wait, Gilgamesh. How the hell did you catch me dancing?!”

Ignoring Seihai’s question, Gilgamesh continued to complain. “Don’t you understand? A night as dazzling as this may never happen again. I declare that you enjoy it to the utmost, before everything disappears.” He had an excellent point there. Life was all but fleeting, a translucent kaleidoscope of effervescent events. Who knows when all of Chaldea may breathe their very last breath?

“Okay, I’ll admit you have a pretty good point there.” He definitely did! However, Seihai was yet to be moved by his advice. “However, I don’t feel like I’m worthy enough to join...I messed up so many times during the last singularity....and it took me quite a few tries before passing the mage exam.”

“So, you’re a fool then.”

Before Seihai could leap up in outrage at this statement, Gilgamesh silenced them with a flex of his golden-plated hand. “However. Albeit being a fool, you’re a determined one; who fights for their own cause. And as the King of Heroes, I must acknowledge that such actions are actually worthy of merit. Therefore, I shall not allow you to wallow in such pathetic self-misery! Celebrate your achievements with all of your might, mongrel- and REJOICE!”

Eyes widening with awe, Seihai’s heart sung with joy at his words. Spirit roused, they gawped at him in shock. “W-what...?!”

Did he just praise them? Gilgamesh offering praise? The world must certainly be ending soon. Looking around them, to check whether they were dreaming- Seihai was completely befuddled. ‘Of all the people to come and cheer me up when I’m feeling sad...How the heck did he end up being the one to do so?!’

“Fuhahaha! You look as if you’ve transformed into a fish! How utterly amusing!” Gilgamesh’s shoulders trembled with laughter. “You heard me clearly, mongrel. Even fools such as you have inherent worth. Now go out there, and rejoice!”

“Er...well, thanks Gilgamesh. That was kind of you to say that.” To see one’s own failures as a bastion for developing success...Seihai was taken aback by Gilgamesh’s perspective on things. However, it was much appreciated. “I do like hearing your titbits of wisdom.”

“Don’t grow too accustomed to them. I shan’t hand them out willy-nilly, you know. Now, rise to your feet; so that we can descend upon the dancefloor!”

“Haha, that does actually sound like fun. Thanks again, Gilgamesh.”

“Don’t get too conceited, mongrel. I’m only offering you alms for this particular occasion.”

As Seihai chuckled at this (as Gilgamesh obliterated their bedroom door with a flying kick), the two rivals (Friends? Enemies? Who knows, really), made their way to the festival.

The End

WAIT. WAIT. WAIT. THIS WAS MUCH MORE FRIENDLY A FIC THAN EXPECTED. ALSO, I AM CERTAIN THAT MY MASTERSONA AND GILGAMESH WOULD BE LIKE ARCH ENEMIES BUT THEY ACTUALLY GOT ALONG????????

[padfootagain]

A Very Rose Mistake (IV)

Part 4: How You Became Lambkin

 Here we go for a new chapter! This is cute, but also, an important chapter for many reasons! The plot is now starting to unfold!!

No warnings of any kind to apply here, really, it's just rather innocent and cute. I hope you like this new chapter! Tell me what you think about it!

Word Count: 3911

I

Holmes Chapel, 2007

 Shakespeare was a pain.

Maybe it was still relevant if you went to the theatre and saw professionals actually perform the play, but from the point of view of two 13 years old who had to read the plays for school… it was a pain.

Besides the language being old, there was also the fact that tons of the words on the page had just been made up. Or at least, it sounded that way. Because Harry had most certainly never heard any of those being used before and he had better things to do with his time than try and guess the meaning of these words. Playing football was one of them. And there was no way his mother would let him out of the house before he would have finished his homework.

There was only one way he could get to the pitch on time to play tonight with his friends. He had to ask for the help of the brightest mind he knew.

He got up from his bed where he was lying down with his copy of Henry V covering his face. He let the book fall on his bed while he reached for the piece of red glass that rested on the side of his window. He aimed at the sun, until the reflection of the light on the glass would dance over your own window. The perks of having his best friend living in the house right next to his: it was easy to reach you.

And indeed, it took you less than a minute to appear before you would appear on the other side of your own window. He couldn't help but grin at the sight.

Harry grabbed a piece of cardboard from behind his desk, that he had already prepared. One of the messages that you often used and both had kept, ready, just in case you would need them.

Help with homework?

He saw you laughing and shaking your head, but you grabbed your own cardboard, large enough to hide you completely behind it.

My place?

He merely nodded with a big goofy grin on his face, before grabbing his bag, his book and heading to the living room.

"Mum!" he called, thumping through the hall.

"Yes, I am not deaf," Anne laughed at her son.

"Can I go over to Y/N's to do my homework with her?"

"To do your homework or play videogames?"

"I have a match tonight."

"Ha… so it's really for homework then! Sure, you can go. Bring some snacks if you want, I bought some cookies, the ones she likes."

"Thanks mum! I'll go directly to the field when I'm done…"

"No, you won't. You're going to come back here to drop off your stuff and to get changed and then you'll go to the field."

He heaved a sigh, but complied without arguing.

"Okay. Bye!"

"Love you!"

But Harry was already slamming the front door shut and sprinting towards your house. Your mother was waiting for him with her door open and an amused smile on her face.

"Hello, Harry! How are you today?"

"Great! Thank you, Mrs. Y/L/N!"

"Y/N's in her bedroom. Do you want to bring up some snacks?"

"I've brought some cookies my mum bought today."

"How nice! Well, go ahead then!"

"Thanks!"

He took off his shoes, placing them in the space that was saved for him in the hall, before sprinting up the stairs to your room.

He closed the door behind him.

"Hey! Thanks, I'm struggling with this bloody play!"

You merely chuckled, resting your back against your wall as you sat on your bed.

"It's alright, I haven't started that one yet."

"Have you done maths already?"

"Yep! Just finished."

"Me too. But that English stuff… ugh…"

He climbed on your bed by your side, dragging behind him his notebook, pencils and his Shakespearean play.

Harry gave you some time to catch up with him on the assignment, although he hadn't done much yet. You then spent some time trying to analyse the text and answer the questions on your assignment about the scene.

Harry was annoyed to say the least.

"What are these words, even…" he groaned.

"Come on… some are cute… 'lambkin', that's cute!"

"Lambkin?! You think calling your girlfriend lambkin is cute?"

"I do. It's sweet!"

Harry rolled his eyes.

"Alright, then, I'll call you that from now on. We'll see for how long you find it cute."

You exploded in laughter, the sound enough to erase his grumpy frown.

"That's not fair! I would be the only one with a ridiculous nickname like that!" you protested.

"You are not calling me lambkin. Ever."

"Alright," you shook your head at his silly remark. "After we're done with this, we'll look for a nickname for you."

"I'm going to the field after, I'm playing with the guys."

"That just means I'll choose whatever I want to laugh at you!"

"Wow… scary… lambkin."

You narrowed your eyes at each other, and you considered his banter as a challenge.

"You're gonna regret that, Styles."

"Oh, am I, lambkin?"

But you could only keep up the serious act for a few more seconds, before you both let go and were lost in a fit of laughter.

You did manage to finish your homework on time for Harry to go play football with the guys. You spent the rest of your allowed time before a screen looking for old and ridiculous nicknames to use against Harry on your computer.

You eventually found the perfect one.

His phone beeped after he was back home, about to go to bed. He had changed in his pyjamas and was about to turn off the lights for the night when the sound rang through the room.

"Harry! Go to bed, you have school tomorrow," Anne ordered, as she was passing by in the corridor right at that moment.

"I am going to bed! It's Y/N!"

"If you're not in bed in five minutes…"

"I am going!"

He checked your text all the same.

Y/N: I've found your nickname. You are chuckaboo.

He snorted, answering once he was buried under his blankets.

Harry: What does that even mean?

He put his phone on silence to avoid his mother hearing your response.

Y/N: It's a term of endearment to call a friend. Fits just right. Plus, I think it suits you, chuckaboo.

Harry: You'd better not call me like that at school.

Y/N: Oh, I will :)

He laughed, despite feigning anger in his next response. You merely replied with another smiley face, and wished him good night.

He went to sleep with an amused smile on his face.

It was just a joke, it would last for a few days before you would both grow tired of it. Stupid nicknames that would make you laugh for a while. Or so he thought, at least.

Lambkin and Chuckaboo.

What a ridiculous pair…

II

Loch Lomond, 2020

Harry kept on holding your hand as you settled around the large table that had been set for your family. The atmosphere was more relaxed as you waited for Amy and her family to join all of you over dinner. Your mom and you sat between your father and Harry, a protection of some sort against the nasty glances that your dad kept on throwing at your fake boyfriend. Dinner was merry, and Amy's family provided a nice distraction for your own family members to focus on. Harry spent most of the evening lost in a deep conversation with Amy's grandfather about 'the music back then', and he seemed to blend in just fine, not that you had ever had any doubt that he would.

One chair though had been left empty. In the large hall decorated with flickering lights, the view upon the loch growing darker and darker as the hours passed, until there was nothing left to see but the stary sky, there was one empty spot. It was for one of Amy's cousins, who had to work late at the hospital in Glasgow, where he worked as a nurse, apparently. Patrick, was his name, and he was set to sit right opposite you. It's only when you were waiting for dessert that he appeared.

And you struggled quite a bit to hide your reaction.

Because Patrick was handsome. Patrick was very handsome. Patrick was also 1000% your type.

And Patrick was set right across from you around the long, rectangular table.

He gave a kiss to his family, was introduced properly by an Amy that was on her way to getting from tipsy to drunk, and he seemed a little embarrassed by her antiques as she praised him for his work in medicine and called all who were single around the table to 'give him a ring'. And you found it cute.

You decided it was your duty, as you were the person sitting across from him, to make some small talk. Anyway, your parents were entertaining a conversation of their own that you weren't particularly interested in, and Harry and Amy's grandfather were lost in a vivid argument about Carole King's best song on Tapestry.

"I'm Y/N!" you introduced yourself with a welcoming smile. "Cassie's cousin."

"Oh, so we're the cousins then! Nice to meet you!" he greeted you with a warm smile as well.

And he had a nice smile. Very nice smile, indeed…

"So… you're a nurse then!"

He ran a hand in his hair, embarrassed.

"Yeah, I am. Sorry about her rant, I think she's had too much to drink."

"It's her wedding, I reckon she has the right to have a little fun."

"I guess. And what do you do for a living?"

You were interrupted by the dessert arriving, and you waited for the waiters to have left to answer.

"I'm studying for a PhD in history."

"Oh, wow."

He seemed genuinely impressed, which was always nice to hear. You waited for the next question to strike what do you do with a PhD in history, but it didn't come. Instead he asked another question, seeming genuinely interested.

"What is your thesis about?"

"The influence and impact of the XIXth century international exchanges and relations on modern politics."

"Wow."

"It's a mouthful," you joked, nodding your head.

"No, no! It sounds very interesting! Where do you study."

"California. But before that I got my degree in Oxford."

"Dear God… I'm sitting in front of the next Nobel Prize."

You laughed, shying away.

"No, absolutely not. Besides, I don't even think there is one to congratulate historians."

"A shame. I would have bet on you."

You did notice the way he shot you a shy smile. And you did notice the way he didn't look away, and didn't look for another conversation to settle into. He was focused on you while you ate your dessert, and you did the same.

Your conversation went on when the coffees and teas were served. And you had to admit that you liked it that way. He was charming, with a cute Scottish accent, and eyes that glimmered in the yellowish light of the room.

It's only when your cup of coffee was empty that Harry took your hand in his again, planting your feet right back to Earth, and reminding you of what you were here for in the first place.

He gave you a smile, before guiding your hand up to his lips to place a kiss over your knuckles, surprising you with the tender gesture and making your heart rush a little more as he looked at you with the tenderest of gazes.

"Are you tired, babe? Or would you like to take a walk with me? I could use some fresh air."

Your heart stumbled a little at the pet name, and you didn't like it. You didn't like it one bit, so you forced the organ to stop its little dance.

"Sure."

You bid everyone a good night -and did notice the disappointed look Patrick gave you as you abruptly ended your conversation in order to leave with Harry - and some other people retreated to their rooms at the same time as you, while you followed Harry outside.

It was cold outside, a heavy wind sweeping skeleton leaves to gather at your feet. You could hear the shushed rumble of conversations on the other side of the windows and the wind caught in the branches and lifting the water of the loch in clapping waves. Harry offered you his arm, and as you noticed that you could still be seen from the table inside, you took it with a grateful smile.

You walked along the shore in silence for a few minutes, your gaze distracted from the dark path by the shining lights above your head, but you weren't worried about falling, not when you were holding Harry's arm. He would catch you before you could fall.

He finally heaved a sigh.

"Well, that wasn't a complete disaster. It went better later on, don't you think?"

"Yeah, I reckon that once the shock had passed, it was alright," you nodded.

"Except for you father, of course. Judging by the way he was eyeing me all night, he probably will try to cut off my balls before the end of the week."

You laughed at that, the sound clear and joyful, luminous over the dark scenery that surrounded you. But the reflexions of the stars over the water was lovely all the same. They seemed brighter to Harry as your laughter echoed a little longer around both of you.

"He's not so fond of the idea. Don't know why."

Harry shrugged.

"Must think I'm not good enough for you."

You rolled your eyes, shaking your head.

"Anyway… I think we're getting away with it."

"Getting the hang of it, babe?"

"Oh, shut up, chuckaboo."

"Ha, here you are again, back to your normal self. Will you start punching me next?"

"I've never punched you!"

"But you've threatened to do so dozens of times."

"I am very good at boxing."

His smile grew more tender, a little melancholic as well, but you attributed it to the quiet of the place that surrounded you. You were away from the lodge now, enough so for voices to have disappeared. It was only you, Harry, and the whisper of autumn leaves now.

"You're good at everything, Y/N."

There was a moment of silence, while you stared at him. But then, his expression grew a little mischievous, and he faked to be lost in thought.

"Except at cooking, and singing, and playing guitar, and most definitely climbing, and gymnastics, and…"

"Yeah, okay, I get it, you jerk!" you stopped him, punching his arm, although your gesture wasn't violent enough to hurt. Still, Harry dramatically held his arm as if you had thrown him your stronger uppercut.

"See, I knew it! Knew you would end up doing it for real, instead of only threatening me with your punches!"

"Well, you should shut up before I do it again."

"You're so cruel, lambkin," he tried to sound convincing, but the goofy smile upon his lips betrayed his thoughts.

You shook your head at him, wheezing.

You walked in silence for a little longer, before deciding to go back to the lodge. You were still holding Harry's arm, even if no one was around to see the two of you pretend. None of you acknowledge the fact, merely choosing to act as if you weren't. Maybe, a voice in your mind explained it by acting in case someone would bump into the two of you. You knew it wasn't the truth though, but you pretended that it was for the few minutes more that the gesture lasted while you walked on the edge of the water and under the tall trees.

"So… Patrick?" Harry asked after a long silence.

"He's nice!" you answered with a smile. "He's a nice chap!"

"Hmm," Harry nodded. "You did seem to have fun with him tonight. Even thought that maybe you didn't need my services anymore."

"Pfft! Don't be ridiculous! I've just talked with him for 5 minutes."

"Almost an hour, actually."

You narrowed your eyes at him.

"You counted?"

He rolled his eyes at you.

"I just noticed it was a long conversation."

"Hmm…"

"You know, we can still tell the truth to everyone, and you can take your shot with Patrick."

You didn't know how to describe the tone he used to say the man's name, but it wasn't oozing with fondness, that was for certain. You looked at him suspiciously, a smirk creeping its way to your lips.

"Are you… jealous?"

"Jealous? Me?"

"You're the jealous type, don't deny it."

"And don't flatter yourself. We're not really together, remember? Why would I be jealous."

"I don't know, but you sound like you are."

"I'm not jealous."

"Good."

"But do you like him?"

You shrugged.

"I don't know. I think he's attractive. I think he's nice. So…"

"You like him."

"He's alright so far. And he is my type."

Harry raised an eyebrow, before his features molded into a frown instead. His mind couldn't help but compare himself to Patrick, and point out everything that was different between them.

"Am I your type?" he asked after a long silence.

You laughed, taken aback.

"What kind of question is that?"

He shrugged.

"I don't know. Just wondering. I'm playing your boyfriend for a week, but… would I be your type? Had I not met you when we were five and crashed your ice-cream into your face… had you met me tonight instead of Patrick… would you have thought that I was your type?"

You looked away, finally letting go of his arm, and the lack of contact between your two bodies made Harry regret his question.

"I don't know," you lied, before finding back your composure, and shooting him a smile. "But you're my boyfriend for this week. So for the next seven days, you are most definitely my type, honey."

He laughed, shaking his head. You had walked back to the lodge, and he opened the door for you, dramatically bowing before you to let you through first.

"After you, my love."

Harry went first to take a shower, and then it was your turn. Some warm water was just what your tired muscles needed to relax after your busy day. When you walked out of the bathroom, a little bit of fog following you through the door, Harry was lying on the bed, atop the blankets, scrolling on his phone.

He had changed into a comfortable jumper and a pair or pyjama pants that seemed warmed and soft. His curls were still damped, wetting his pillow, but he didn't seem to mind it at all.

He looked up when you stepped out of the bathroom though, and you didn't fail to notice the way his eyes settled on your legs before hurrying to your face while his cheeks blushed.

Your pyjama shorts weren't that short at all, stopping right above your knees. Still, it seemed enough to make Harry's cheekbones and ears turn crimson. You wore an old Treat People With Kindness jumper too, matching his grey hoodie.

"You're alright, Harry?" you asked, rather puzzled by his reaction.

"Sure, why?"

"You're blushing."

"I'm not."

"You are."

"It's nothing. I'm just tired."

You weren't convinced, but chose to drop the subject, your own fatigue weighing on you. So you shrugged instead, finishing to get ready for bed.

You slipped under the covers and heaved a sigh as your head hit the pillow.

"Tired?" he asked, and you could only hum and nod in response.

He hesitated for a second, while you closed your eyes.

"There's an extra blanket. I can sleep on top of the covers, and you under them, if you want."

You opened your eyes again to look at him.

"Would that make you feel more comfortable?"

He considered your question, and shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe?"

"I don't really care. But… maybe for tonight, you can do that. Won't you be cold though?"

"It's quite warm in here. And the blanket looks cosy."

"Alright, but don't hesitate to get under the covers if you're too cold. I don't mind if you do."

"Okay," he nodded, before getting up to get the blanket.

He lied down by your side again, getting comfortable, before he would turn off the lamp on his nightstand, and you did the same, letting darkness take over every inch of the room, looking darker than it really was as your eyes got used to the shadows.

"Goodnight Harry."

"Goodnight, Y/N."

You turned to your side, trying to get comfortable too, and your foot gently bumped into his through the layers of sheets and blankets as you moved.

"Sorry," you quipped, moving your foot away.

"'S okay," he replied, his voice lower than usual.

You let silence settle for a while, but it felt strange. Awkward. There was something unspoken hovering above the two of you, you could cut the tension in the air with a knife.

"Harry?"

"Hmm?"

"I feel weird."

"Weird? You mean sick?" he asked with worry in his tone now.

"No, I mean… it's a little weird sleeping next to you. Why though? We've done that since we were six."

He shrugged, but couldn't deny that he was feeling the same. His heart was beating so fast, he was worried you would hear it in the silent night.

"Maybe it's because we're not children anymore," he whispered.

You hummed in response.

"And we haven't done it in a long time too," you added, and he heard you nodding, your cheek brushing against your pillow.

He took a deep breath before speaking again, his tone hesitant.

"Do you… would you feel better if I took the couch?"

You considered his offer, but shook your head.

"No, I… I don't feel uncomfortable. It's just… strange."

It was his turn to hum.

"Would you feel better on the couch?" you asked him.

"No, it's… it's a nice weird."

"Yeah, it is."

"I'm just… it makes me a little nervous."

"Nervous?"

He made a face, that you couldn't see, but you would have found it adorable if you had.

"I'm afraid I'll wake you up with my snoring. Or speak some nonsense in my sleep. Or you wake up tomorrow morning and see me drooling, with saliva all over my face."

You laughed at him, reaching in the dark to touch his arm. You patted the muscles tenderly.

"Don't worry, chuckaboo. I've seen worse! Seen you throwing up a fair amount of time. Also, I'll just punch you again to wake you up if you start snoring too much."

He laughed, and both of your laughter mingling through the room made most of the tension in the room disappear.

"You're right. Besides, maybe you'll be the one waking me up because of your snoring!" Harry went on.

"I don't snore!" you snorted.

"You do. I've heard you before."

"Well, then, you can wake me up if I do."

You moved your fingers away from his arm, but they lingered on the mattress near him all the same, in the little space between the two of you.

"Sleep well, lambkin," Harry whispered, closing his eyes, and when you answered, you had the same smile on your lips as the one that he wore.

"You too, chuckaboo."

************************************

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[brynnmck]

J/B Exchange Recs Round 1!

I have not been around Tumblr much lately because I was so preoccupied with stuff for @jaime-brienne-fic-exchange, but I am trying to get back into the swing of things, and I figured what better place to start than with some recs?

These are currently skewed a bit toward my amaaaazing gift fic and the amaaaaazing ones I beta-ed, since I am way behind on my reading, but there will be more to come!

Backpfeifengesicht by @samirant - I am so unbelievably grateful that I had both amazing prompts/amazing recipient for the fic I wrote, and such a fabulous gift fic too. I was still working on my own fic and very sleep-deprived and flagging when I read this for the first time and I think I may have actually left my body on a wave of sheer euphoria. IT IS ALL THE GOOD THINGS. So many of my favorite vacation/road trip tropes--drunken shenanigans! Intimate late-night conversations while everyone else is sleeping/elsewhere! Friends being too involved in your relationship! Unexpected forced proximity! And the banter is glorious, and the secondary characters are so well thought out and add such depth and vibrance to the story, and the Sansa/Margaery subplot was DELIGHTFUL, and I love the way this structured Brienne's relationship to Tyrion and then to Jaime as an extension of that, and the resolution was handled with an absolutely perfect balance of hilarity and heat. (There was also the stuff throughout that was very targeted to me specifically WHICH I APPRECIATED, so thanks to both Sami and @forbiddenfantasies1 for that). About 20% of the way into the story, I was deeply convinced it was Sami, and in the best possible way--it had the hallmarks I love about her writing: her sense of humor, her gift for banter, her clear affection for the characters, the richness of all the relationships. It was like showing up to a party and unexpectedly finding a friend there, and it was the loveliest feeling. I am thrilled that so many people have read and loved this story but I want everyone in the world to read and love it, so. Please check it out if you haven't! And also check out Sami's hilarious tale of woe regarding her writing process, which is amazing. THANK YOU AGAIN FOR SUCH A PHENOMENAL GIFT SAMI.  ❤️ ❤️ ❤️ ❤️

A favorite line: On any other day, Brienne would have left him - a relative stranger - to his wallowing, but an untold amount of imbibed Pentoshi Slammers stirred up a noble benevolence within her, a little voice that said they had something in common and what good were her broad shoulders if they weren’t offered as a place to rest a weary, heartbroken brow? SO GOOD.

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Lay Your Heartbreak and the sequel You could make me feel so good by @ajoblotofjunk / sdwolfpup - LISTEN. SDW sent me an early chunk of this and I was immediately OBSESSED and I have not stopped being obsessed since. Obviously worldbuilding is a huge strength of SDW's and her creativity with that is a constant astonishment to me. But pop culture is full of examples of people who can create amazing worlds and then utterly fail to populate them with interesting or dynamic characters, whereas SDW's ability to fill in those wonderfully creative spaces with her love for the characters and their love for each other that is just magic. And these fics are the perfect examples of that. The setup is not only fascinating but makes for such fantastically INTENSE feelings, omg, everything just feels like it's crackling off the page; even before Jaime and Brienne and Addam are admitting anything to each other, it's not so much simmering under the surface as boiling. The balance between the three of them is gorgeous, there are two incredibly hot fencing scenes as well as a very hot swimming scene (in addition to the sequel being just one big tangle of brain-scorching hotness), there's a perfect amount of sweetness and softness to play off all the blazing heat, and overall this is one that's going to stick with me for a long time. I know J/A/B isn't everyone's cup of tea, but if you aren't actively opposed to the idea of them, then I highly highly encourage you to check this out. 

A favorite line: That night she dreams of golden skin, hot and soft against her palm – yes, someone moans, yes – the rough scrape of callouses over the arch of her ribs, the scratch of red stubble between her thighs – like this? Yes, more, please more – legs sliding together and between each other, and two mouths touching her all over. Hnnnnngh.

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The Limit Does Not Exist by @agirlnamedkeith / sameboots - Fics with a power imbalance are something I approach with a lot of caution but I LOVED the way that sameboots handled it here. The fact that this fic includes her signature extremely hot feelings-forward porn as well as a thoughtful exploration of what it can mean to be a woman in STEM is like a beautiful multi-course meal; I cared a LOT about whether they were gonna do it and I was also equally invested in how Brienne’s thesis was going to turn out and where she would go from there. I love Brienne’s stubbornness and determination and even though she’s finding her way here (as you would be, as a grad student), those elements are VERY much on display and they spark fantastically against an initially guarded and caustic but eventually deeply admiring Jaime. And while I don’t want to spoil anything, I will say that I feel like the end is a perfect illustration of one of the major themes of the fic, and I love it so much for that. Watching this one take shape and watching sameboots geek out over her math research was a delight, and the result is excellent (and did I mention, extremely hot). Definitely worth all her work!

A favorite line: “Has anyone ever told you that you’re the worst liar?” (KIDDING HANNAH ILU HERE’S THE REAL ONE:)  The problem with smoothies was that it was hard to make them aggressively., Angrily pushing a button didn’t have the same release as whaling on a punching bag. Brienne didn’t have a punching bag, though, and she desperately needed to do something, and she was hungry. ANGRY SMOOTHING-MAKING. I LOVE IT.

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Right Off the Bat by @hillaryschu - A You’ve Got Mail AU where Jaime and Brienne are rival Little League coaches who unknowingly bond over Twitter is SUCH a great idea, and Hillary committed to it right down to the delightful rom-com-trailer summary. She also put an enormous amount of care into the details of the story--she had references for outfits, buildings, even Jaime’s cologne--and it shows in all the lush descriptions throughout. The banter is sparky, watching their two relationships gradually unfold is a lot of fun, there’s a particular tipsy (on Brienne’s part) Twitter DM exchange that I still get flustered thinking about, and there’s a batting cage scene that will be haunting my brain for a while. Especially given that Hillary had never written a story anywhere near this long before, I’m so impressed that she pulled it off (and fixed some of the most problematic elements of the movie, too). Congratulations to her on rising to the challenge!

A favorite line: But as they part from each other, Brienne lifts the hem of her tee to wipe the dirt and sweat from her face. Her exposed stomach is pale and toned, with softly defined muscles that gleam with perspiration. Jaime trips over home plate. SAME JAIME. SAME.

_____

X Marks the Spot (where I’ll find you again) by @pretty--thief - PIRATES. I WAS SO EXCITED WHEN I HEARD ABOUT THE PIRATES. And this fic is such a fantastic blend of snappy, exciting swashbuckling (and hilarious use of parrots) and a very poignant backstory that underlays the adventure with all this yeeeeeearning and it’s SO GOOD. The action scenes are thrilling, the descriptions are gorgeous, there is STARGAZING and BATTLE COUPLE, the Jaime snark is chefkiss, Brienne is so brave and committed and quietly full of feelings, there’s a really lovely discussion of the ethics of being in the military, and also Pod and Addam and Arya and PIRATES FOR JUSTICE. SO HERE FOR THAT. And did I mention the yeeeeeearning (which is paid off wonderfully--the penultimate chapter lived rent-free in my mind for about a week after I first read it)? Ugh SO GOOD.

A favorite line: When he had exited his quarters, Brienne had looked at him with so much concern in her eyes it threatened to swallow Jaime whole. He’d felt something similar when he was around Cersei, when they were fucking or fighting; a fire he had once thought he could never tire of, would never want to put out. But Brienne had reached out her hand, as if on reflex, and smoothed her thumb across his tired brow. The ship had continued to sway beneath them, and Jaime didn’t feel fire. He didn’t feel like he would be turned to ash at any moment. He felt a breeze, the wind in his hair and salty air in his lungs. as;lfkja;sldjgas;lfjas;lf 

_____

Federation Fliers by @elizadunc /Ladybugbear2 - A short and very sweet one! I adore the world that Megs created in this and would happily read many many more words in it, but this is a lovely glimpse in and of itself, and made me so happy. Established relationship (which I love), one of my favorite Jaime nicknames for Brienne, a wonderfully badass Brienne and a wonderfully besotted Jaime, all against a fascinating backdrop. So good!

A favorite line: She belonged in the sky. She had a grace to her movements on the ground, but in the sky she was ethereal. HEART-EYES

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And now for a few that I just read after they were posted like a normal person:

Wine Down by @slipsthrufingers - SOME MILD SPOILERS HEREIN FYI. Okay first of all, the summary of this fic is deliciously evil and I think we all need to appreciate that. Also, it starts out with Jaime and Brienne having lunch together and these glorious descriptions of food and he has taken note of the specific food she likes and is making sure it’s provided for her and that is SO VERY MUCH MY LOVE LANGUAGE YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW. I FLAILED. And then things go, shall we say, a bit downhill, but in the most achingly beautiful way--Jaime sacrificing himself for Brienne and Brienne determined to tether him to life through sheer force of will and steadfast devotion. Slips puts us right into Brienne’s headspace/heartspace while she’s worrying for Jaime and trying to negotiate the fucked-up Lannister family dynamics (and the observations on said dynamics are wonderful too), and this hits such an excellent balance of Brienne’s rigidly controlled surface and everything that’s roiling away underneath. I’m always fascinated by the idea of what could have happened during the time that Brienne was in King’s Landing and this is such a brilliant exploration of how things could have gone, and Brienne’s interactions with the rest of the Lannisters (and Sansa) give the world that much more depth as well. The descriptions throughout are beautiful, there are so many lovely turns of phrase, the intimacy between Jaime and Brienne is just devastating, and it all comes back around to an immensely satisfying conclusion. SO GOOD. 

A favorite line: The gods had seen fit to give her an unwomanly body, so she had taken up the sword. They had given her an ugly face, so she had perfected her manners and courtesies so they could never be frowned upon. But they had given her a maiden’s heart, and try as she might she had never found the right weapon to protect it. MY PRECIOUS GIRL.

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A Matter of Honor by @nire-the-mithridatist - I shrieked at nire in DMs basically the whole time I was reading this story, it made me experience like 90% of the range of human emotions in one night and I’m still mad about it. This features a fascinatingly flipped script where Brienne is the wealthy one and Jaime the supplicant, and an arrogant-ass supplicant he is. Brienne is an angy baby nineteen-year-old who is furious at the entire world and I fucking adore her for it, and watching all the events unfold through the lens of her (generally well-founded) suspicions was a delicious sort of torture where I trusted NO ONE and genuinely did not know exactly what was going to happen next. Nire turns a lot of marriage fic tropes on their head in this and it’s all done brilliantly, and there is EXTREMELY SEXY SWORD-FIGHTING (and as a sexy bonus, Brienne’s perspective on it feels so perfect for someone who is truly an accomplished swordswoman), and nire uses some common elements throughout to just pack in these layers and layers of meaning and significance, and there are many turns of phrase so perfect that they hurt, and then she’s like “hey would you like to re-feel all the feelings in this story again in a very concentrated burst” and it’s SO MUCH, and the conclusion pays everything off amazingly. And even though it’s very swoony and romantic (and HOT. I SHOULD MENTION VERY HOT), there’s a hint of melancholy to it too, reckoning with what it means to be a woman--even a wealthy one--in Brienne’s world, and it’s just the perfect crunch of salt on top of all the sweetness. LOVE. 

A favorite line: He brought her knuckles to his lips. As sweet as honeyed nettles, he declared, “Lady Brienne. You have made me the happiest of men.” As the crowd roared in approval, she felt the sting of his kiss. STING OF HIS KISS ARE YOU KIDDING ME. Also I’m including this for purely thirsty reasons but NO SHAME: He stood from the sofa and went to help his wife undress, and if she noticed his averted eyes and his trembling hands—oh gods, the laces went on endlessly down her back, and with each pull, a little more of her figure was revealed, barely veiled by her gauzy shift—she said nothing. I DIED. I ALSO SAID NOTHING BECAUSE I WAS DEAD. Fuck, man.

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The Riverlands Gang Go to the Zoo by @naomignome - Another shorter and very delightful one with Naomi’s typical brand of chaotic humor that I adore. It’s Hyle POV, for one thing, which is good times, and the structure of this is so clever--the way each section of the zoo is used to progress the story is so seamless and happy-making, and there are tons of little jokes and Easter eggs packed in along with a very sweet, snarky emotional storyline wherein Hyle is definitely doomed. Plus another EXCELLENT Brienne nickname in here. LOVELY. 

A favorite line: “Pixel!” he said laughingly, “You know if you fell in the bear pit, I would jump after you without a second thought.” “You need to have a first thought in order to have a second one.” Brienne said dryly. SUCH A GOOD BURN.

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all these people think love’s for show (but i would die for you in secret) by @naomignome - This is SUCH A FLEX because not only did Naomi write TWO fics for her recipient but they are WILDLY DIFFERENT and I’m so impressed with her for doing it! This one is SPIEEEEESSSS and Naomi packs so much tension into 5K, I was on the edge of my seat through the whole thing. Canon events are woven in astonishingly well, and it’s a delicious enemies-to-partners-to-lovers situation that involves some excellent hurt/comfort and excellent use of RAIN to moody/sexy effect and it’s just all very thrilling. YUM.

A favorite line: He lets off a single bullet and it grazes the inside of her thigh, enough to make her wince and draw blood, but not enough to stop her from tackling him to the ground and wrestling him into submission. She’s got both of his wrists pinned above his head and her knee is drawn up and pressed against his torso. Jaime’s chest is heaving under her knee. Her chest is heaving in tandem. From above him, Brienne can see the green of his eyes darken, and even in submission, he’s annoyingly beautiful. Her blood is rushing, and it’s not all adrenaline. WHEW. SAME.

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as stars once a year brush the earth by @ylizam / mazily - Another wonderfully bite-sized one (good job actually taking the minimum word count as a guideline, people who did that, unlike the rest of us dumbasses!) that packs a lot into a small space. A canon-ish soulmates AU that’s so understated and dreamy, but with the echo of all the turmoil they’ve gone through to get to this place that brings everything in sharp relief. It’s also funny and sexy and romantic as fuck, and there are gorgeous poetic descriptions, and they spar by a WATERFALL, and just. So much happens in just over 1600 words! IMPRESSIVE.

A favorite line: Her right hand goes numb, unfeeling; back in their rooms Jaime is waking up, and she knows the phantom ache of his missing hand is bothering him. Jaime is waking, and yawning, the bed linens pooling around his waist and highlighting his summer tanned skin. She misses him, suddenly, as wide as the endless sea in front of her. BEAUTIFUL.

OKAY THIS WAS A LONG POST. That’s all I’ve got for now--more to come as I continue my reading!!

[teawiththegods]

Hi Jessie! Wanted to say hi as it’s been forever! These past few months have been a whirlwind thanks to finally getting on proper ADHD meds and working on my senior thesis. I turned it in two weeks ago and am now working on final projects/exams for other classes. I graduate on Friday and I’m so excited! Proud of myself too! I’m first generation on both sides and the first in my family to graduate university. Hope you’re doing well and are having a great spring and getting ready for an even better summer! - scytheandseed

Hello, love!! Big big BIG CONGRATULATIONS to you on graduating!! I’m beyond proud of you because I know how challenging university is especially when you’re also dealing with something like ADHD. I’m really glad you recognize how much of an accomplishment this is and are proud of yourself! That’s extremely important! It took me until recently to actually acknowledge how big of a deal it was to graduate college and have a degree especially considering everything I went through to get that damn piece of paper. I’m truly happy for you, love and wish you all the best on your new adventure! 💖

[chilling-seavey]

based on ur post about the songs from the album and when they would have been written in ABM- ABM Daniel writing a song for Flora and she hears it for the first time?

By the time Daniel graduated with his bachelor’s degree in music production; he had an album of ten original songs under his belt. His first year was learning the basics but by the time the novel of ABM began, his classes started assigning projects in writing and producing their own songs. We all know that Daniel is incredibly creative and especially so when it comes to his music and this universe is no different, but he was also incredibly protective about his work. He showed Florence snippets of what he had been working on but never full songs because he didn’t want to admit that all his songs were about her.

His inspiration was directly stemmed from her; for every single one of his projects.

Even when Florence and Daniel started dating, he kept his previous songs locked away on his computer in near embarrassment with how lovesick and emotional they all were. They were pieces of his fragile soul from the past two or three years and he was simply a little nervous of opening that back up again.

By his final week of university, Daniel received a CD that was burned with all of his projects in order on it to hear his progression and his professor congratulated him on being one of the top students he had ever seen or taught. Daniel thanked him, went home, and hid the album in the very back of his sock drawer.

Here is the link to ABM Daniel’s University Album.

Thursday, June 16, 2022

It had been in there barely two months when Florence found it. She was doing laundry and putting the clean folded clothes in the drawers when her hand grazed something at the bottom of Daniel’s sock drawer. Curiosity got the better of her and she pushed the folded socks out of the way to reveal a CD case, the cover staring back up at her with one of Daniel’s first year headshots and the title in white across the black and white image; Firenze. ‘Florence’ in Italian.

She set the laundry basket on the floor and picked up the CD from the bottom of the drawer. She flipped it over and skimmed the track list printed on the back. Ten short titled tracks in a row down the middle. Florence figured she shouldn’t go snooping through her fiancé’s things but it wasn’t a gift since her birthday already passed and they never gave each other Christmas gifts so she carried it back out to the bedroom.

Daniel was watching the girls in the living room while Florence was doing laundry so she had a moment of privacy to close the bedroom door and bring out her laptop. She slid the CD into the disk drive and put in her earbuds to listen to the mysterious album that had been hidden from her for nearly four years. The front cover slid out like a real professional album and she flipped it open as the songs loaded into iTunes.

The first song was titled Just to See You Smile. Written and Produced by Daniel Seavey, 1st year Music Production student, March 2019.

Florence smiled at the gentle piano that led the introduction to the song and then Daniel’s youthful voice that came in next. She couldn’t believe he never showed her this song; probably too nervous since it was his first, but it was sweet and it made her smile.

The second song was titled Hard. Written and Produced by Daniel Seavey, 2nd year Music Production student, Summer 2019.

She followed along to the lyrics in the small cover booklet, her smile faltering a moment at the lyrics come the pre-chorus. It was obvious as to what it was about, especially being written in Summer of 2019 when Matt was still around and it was often that Florence truly ran crying to Daniel when he hurt her.

The third song was titled Falling. Written and Produced by Daniel Seavey, 2nd year Music Production student, September 2019.

Florence’s expression was flat, the words of the song resonating deep in her mind and the emotion behind Daniel’s voice nearly sent chills down her spine as she read along with the lyrics.

That one was followed by Perfect from November 2019, Made For from January 2020, For You from February 2020, What Am I from Summer 2020, all of which just added another weight to Florence’s heart. The angsty heartbroken songs that she was smart enough to know just who they were about, each lyric speaking right to her soul from a part of Daniel’s she hardly knew existed.

She tried not to feel heartbroken herself over the deep lyrics and soft melodies as a vision into Daniel’s own mind through their friendship. She had hurt him so much and never knew. She now sat on their shared bed in their new apartment and fought back her own tears over these songs that he tried to hide from her.

Daniel had finished making lunch for the girls and set them at their small white wooden table to eat, waiting impatiently for Florence to finish putting away the laundry so they could eat together. The minutes passed as he cleaned up the kitchen but there was no sign of her.

“Stay right here, okay?” Daniel said to his two daughters before heading down the hallway to find his fiancé. Their bedroom door was closed which was strange and he opened it and headed inside, only to find Florence sitting on their bed with her laptop open and her headphones on and tears in her eyes.

Daniel was startled by her seemingly sudden emotion but then his gaze landed on the open CD cover and the booklet in her hands and his heart literally stopped.

“Flora.” he breathed as she looked up at him.

She paused What Am I within the last minute and pulled out her earbuds with a shaky inhale, “Why didn’t you show me this?”

“I…” Daniel walked slowly over to her and glanced at her laptop to see what track she was on. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, “I didn’t…I…I didn’t want you to be upset. There’s some…heavy and personal shit in these songs.”

“Yeah.” Florence laughed humourlessly, looking back to the simple black booklet in her hands.

“Are you mad at me?” Daniel asked softly.

“Mad at you? You should be mad at me for listening to something you didn’t want me to listen to.” Florence sighed, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand before her tears could fall.

“They’re all for you anyway.” Daniel shrugged. “Plus it had your name on the cover.”

“You really meant all of this?” Florence asked, holding up the lyric booklet haphazardly.

“Every single word.” Daniel nodded and shuffled to sit beside her on the bed. “I wasn’t kidding when I said I’ve been in love with you from the first moment we met.”

“I didn’t know…that I hurt you this bad all the time.”

“Not all the time.” Daniel tisked. “The hard stuff just makes for the best songs.”

Florence chuckled lightly and Daniel smiled softly and pressed a sweet kiss to her cheek before leaning his head against hers.

“I wrote What Am I the week before Penelope was born.” Daniel said quietly, staring at the song paused on the laptop screen. “And you were the only thing on my mind the whole time…you and our baby that I didn’t know was ours yet.”

“I heard you singing it to her once.”

“Yeah.” Daniel cracked a small smile at the memory.

They sat in silence together, in their own minds and memories, staring at the paused CD.

“Are you gonna listen to the last three?” Daniel asked.

“Are they gonna make me cry?” Florence mumbled.

“No. Next one was the first song I wrote after we started dating.” he flipped the booklet to Taking You, “And then one from when I knew I wanted to marry you,” he flipped to Big Plans, “And finally, my thesis project. Spent all this last year working on it from recordings to lyrics to instrumentals to production and everything in between.” he flipped to the last page to Love Song finished just that last April. “Got a shining 100%.”

Florence smiled at him and stuck her earbud back in but Daniel got up from the bed again. “Are you not going to listen with me?” she frowned.

“Gotta watch our babies so they don’t destroy the house. Come find me after, okay?”

“Okay.” Florence smiled lightly and welcomed his lingering kiss to her lips. She watched him leave before turning back to her laptop and pressed ‘play’.

The upbeat guitar of Taking You instantly made her smile and the sweet lyrics had it sticking; thinking back to the first few weeks of their romantic relationship and how fresh and new everything was. And Big Plans definitely made her cry – especially because it was made in April and he said it was when he knew he wanted to marry her, so far in advance to when he actually proposed. And Love Song. Her favourite on the whole track list, an upbeat and catch incredible song that sounded like it could be professionally made by a famous band. But it was just her Daniel and his deepest, sweetest, honest feelings for her and it only made her more excited to spend the rest of their lives together.

When the album concluded, she took it out of her laptop and put the CD safely away in its case and on Daniel’s desk across the room before heading back down the hallway. She lingered in the doorway a moment to watch Daniel set two plastic cups of apple juice down for the girls and they thanked him sweetly. He stood back up and caught glimpse of Florence in the hallway and they shared small smiles. She headed over to him and he swallowed her up into a warm embrace and peppered a few kisses to her cheek and down her neck.

“I love you so much.” Florence whispered.

“I love you more.” Daniel smiled against her neck.

“Our whole love story on one CD, huh?” she said.

Daniel pulled back from her to look at her face and their noses brushed lightly. He kissed hers before resting their foreheads together, “It is.”

“I’m proud of you. It was all truly beautiful. Can’t believe you didn’t share all that with me before.”

“I’ve shown you bits and pieces.” Daniel shrugged, his eyes falling closed as they stood together in their kitchen, arms wrapped around each other and just breathing together. “But I was too shy.”

“I know.” Florence giggled, giving his hips a small squeeze. She pulled back to look him in the eye. “But now I expect to hear all your beautiful art.”

“Okay.” Daniel leaned in to kiss her lips and they smiled into it before he pulled back just long enough to whisper, “I’ll put it in my vows.”