ultralazyfries

[ultralazyfries]

Dear to myself:

Well congratulations. You've done a well! A great job! Ok lets recap what happened. January-February 2024 we started to do the SHS project; The "---" Musical(iykyk) and the Art exhibit . You actually sell your first art piece! And that was good! Not also that but with that occurred you have worked on your self-esteem and your worth. And that's only 2 months of 2024! The musical and art exhibition is a successful project. Who wouldn't know you will be one of the leader of the art exhibit "digital art" on what you sold. You were also a registrar staff there and on the day of the musical! Who would've thought that you would also be the assistant props of the musical? Who would've thought on the school task on your specialized subject you will also be the leader of "non conventionally art". The thesis paper you were part of is successfully defended! You are also an Honour student with a 93% general average. And now its July 2024!! WE'VE MADE IT! WE HAVE GRADUATED HIGHSCHOOL LAST MONTH! You wore your toga, you walk to that stage! With all the lessons you've learned, carried and all the pain that taught you!

Who would've thought I would reach 18?

Look, life's shitty but there's more to it. I am glad i learned to open my heart again cause if i didn't, i wouldn't have met these amazing kind people who actually held my heart gently. The future is scary but truly there's no certainty it would be good or bad, that's only a possibility. I also get closer to God, i mean not that close but im trying. There's a lot of reflections and set backs happened and it hurts, i know i am still being hyper-independent kid to the point i forgot about my friends. That i was never alone to begin with that my 15 year old self fails to realize but i dont blame you, i love you. You didn't deserve what happened when you were a kid.

You've got great friends and we're still friends with them. We got a stronger bond. We even get to far places to hangout now! We also now have dreams together to have out own little library cafe with interactive art studio and computers on the side. We also said to study how to be an entrepreneur and how to bake after college (once we get a stable income)

Current update we're already enrolled to a good University. We already applied for different scholarships and i hope we passed it so mom and dad wouldn't worry about it. I know its not your responsibility to shoulder again and to worry and to be the daughter they wouldn't worry. I'm sorry you have to feel lessened yourself for them, you are so much more than that and i love you for being yourself and being open and wanting to be kind. And also how ironic we hated our passion for arts for a very long time and yet here you are have chosen "Multimedia arts" course. I am so proud of you!

I AM SO PROUD OF YOU, and I Love You so Much.

From Yourself (⁠ ⁠◜⁠‿⁠◝⁠ ⁠)⁠♡

Next week's the end of November and j still can't grasp the fact i made it on the 11th month of the year. I'm actually looking forward I'd be dead before i can even reach the beginning of nov guess I didn't. I don't know anymore.

[ultralazyfries]

My “first year” film: IN DEEP has finally been posted on YouTube!!

Here’s a bunch of visdev I did for it :)

If you’d like, watch it here! -> https://youtu.be/-s6ZEdpA9I0

[ultralazyfries]

How do you draw hair? I like the way you draw it, id like to see a whole shot of a bunch of characters with different kinds of hair, all drawn by you xd

Could you show me how you draw hair?

oh yes! personally I don't have a really defining way to draw hair, it's just results of trial and error i did over the years, but I do have some technique i read in some books about how to draw hair. and I subconciously follows them

First step, draw your head

i then decides how the flow of the hair root would go, and how would it spread out

i drew the bangs first

and then i drew the back hair by following the root line to where i spread it

i added some side bangs but its not that essencial, it looks pretty that all.

when drawing hair, i usually drew them in clumps, in all different sizes and branches. the more branches of the clumps the more flowy it look. but don't over do it'll look dry. and dont Under do it, as it looks wet and sticky.

for short hair i do the same, but i use the less branchy and sticky looking clumps to prevent a fizzy look. also short hair tend to be gravity defying

for styled hair all i did is to make more lines to indicates where the hair is going.

[ultralazyfries]

Because we just wanted to be seen, to be acknowledged on the pain we've experienced. We want someone to save and hold us and just be vulnerable....Just wanted to stop the pain.

I wanna die but i also don't.

[ultralazyfries]

It's still not our ending. We're going to have that happy ending.

Happy ending only happens in fairy tales. 

[ultralazyfries]

I'm working with it right now. I wished someone told you how lovable you are. I wished you knew you were worthy.

I don't wanna see myself.

[ultralazyfries]

And i can't believe that I'm here now in April 2023. Damn, I'm now healing from the things i didn't think i could. And yeah who knew that I chose the Arts and Design track. Lots of things happened, there was closure, new beginnings. I learned life lessons, i became so much self aware and I'm taking therapy. I understood myself better than ever but still fighting it in silence. I guess that thing never leaves me i still care about others. By the way we're still friends with them, we just had a deeper bond. Healing hurts but I'm trying again and again, i will try my best. I don't know what the future will look like but I'm gonna focus in the present. That's something i wished i could make you realize past me. We're so broken and damaged but I'm now treating every wound.

Next week's the end of November and j still can't grasp the fact i made it on the 11th month of the year. I'm actually looking forward I'd be dead before i can even reach the beginning of nov guess I didn't. I don't know anymore.

[ultralazyfries]

"And if I only could,

I'd make a deal with God,

And I'd get him to swap our places"

[ultralazyfries]

I want a hug.

[ultralazyfries]

I'm sooooooooooo soooooooo tired :)

[ultralazyfries]

Is it that hard to love me?

[ultralazyfries]

I'm not strong.

[ultralazyfries]

Someone save me.

[ultralazyfries]

Why's the world so unfair.

[ultralazyfries]

I'm so tired I'm the only one who always cares and understands them... How about me? I also wanted to be loved by them.

[ultralazyfries]

What I wanted is not to get a relationship.... They'll neve understand because what I truly wants is to have a family. A family where they'll take care of me. A loving mother and father and siblings I could depend on to.

[ultralazyfries]

I no longer can't understand myself.