#I am not normal about nudibranchs

[fleshmetal]

bro I read go for it nakamura bc of all of the redraw memes I’ve seen the past few years and it was actually so funny and kind of sweet and I’m disappointed at how much I could relate to nakamura looking back at when I had crushes lmao

[weirdmarioenemies]

Name: Swirlypod

Debut: Super Mario Bros. Wonder

YIPPEE YAHOO! A brand swirlin' new snail fresh for 2023! It has been quite a long time now since we've gotten a new Mario snail, and even since I've posted about one, since I covered all the snailiest Mario snails a while ago. But lookie here! Snaily snaily snail for me to see and for you to view!

Swirlypod is so delightful! To get this out of the way first, yes, its eyes are not on the ends of stalks. Yes, this is good and okay. Some snails are like that! Especially freshwater snails. And that's the kind of snail that this snail seems to be! While sometimes seen on land, it is also seen emerging from (poisonous) swamps. It can breathe that!

Swirlypod's face is just so, so precious. Its big, innocent, curious eyes experiencing the world in the way only a snail could! Its big ol' bulbous antennae, more bulbous than they have any right being, more like a nudibranch's than a normal snail's! And its mouth! I think that's its mouth? It's like three scrumbly tentacles ready to scrumble down some delicious fungus!

Did you know that the salt marsh snail Littoraria irrorata is able to FARM fungus? They damage marsh grasses to create large wounds for fungus to grow in, and even use their own poop as fertilizer! Snails can FARM!

Yes, indeed, what a wonderful snail we have here! Thank you, Super Mario Bros. Wonder!

...Hey! That shell comes right off! Now it's all Pod, with no Swirly! Does this mean Lime is The Impostor? I may have just asked you, but that was rhetorical. Don't ask me, because I don't know! Removable shells are a common ability for cartoon snails, and of course, the turtles of this world also have removable shells. I think it doesn't really mean much at all! Though, the idea of a "hermit slug" is very amusing. A snail who can't be bothered to grow its own shell. Maybe it wants to switch shells for different styles sometimes. A slow victim of fast fashion!

Wonder is one of those games where Koopa Troopas retreat into their shells when stomped, so Swirlypod is sort of a way to have Beach Koopa in the same game as the more standardly-behaving Koopa! Once it gets back on its foot, it will try to squirm back into a shell, if one is available. You can give it back! Just drop it down at your feet, and Swirlypod will have a home once more!

Another thing that sets Swirlypods apart from Koopas is that they are sticky slimy and can slither up and down vertical surfaces! Just like in real life! They don't only climb on the left and right sides of surfaces, either. They can even go on the surface facing the screen! Not just anyone is allowed to do that!

I am saving what may be the best tidbit for last! There is a good chance Swirlypod's bulbous antennae look familiar to you. That's because they look just like Leucochloridium paradoxum, the green-banded broodsac, everyone's favorite snail parasite! The flatworm that inhabits a snail's eyestalks, making them look more like caterpillars to get a bird to eat them so they can continue their life cycle! Swirlypod definitely isn't supposed to be like, ACTUALLY infected by this funny worm, but I think the resemblance is very much intentional, between the shape and coloring. And that is so awesome to see! This isn't even meant to be a scary snail or anything, but they represented a freaky parasite anyway!

[bogleech]

Extremely long post about how you’re now allowed to erase your neopets faces (NEOPETS IS GOOD AGAIN: YOU CAN ERASE THEIR FACES.)

I have just learned that neopets recently added some wearable (neocash only though) items called the “be-gone cans” that let you hide different body parts, so there’s like eyes-be-gone and wings-be-gone.

There’s a lot of caveats (the mouth one for some reason is locked behind a gacha capsule, the “body” one only removes minor extra details from the torsos of a few species, they don’t all work on all pets and they don’t even work on the same exact parts of the same species in different colors because of how they were coded) but at minimum ALL pets can at least have the eyes and mouths removed and this alone improves countless, countless designs. For instance if you didn’t like some of the invertebrate variants stuck with the pet’s usual face, now you can fix it:

Same for the fruit and vegetable chias, they're SO good without faces, for reference here’s the mushroom chia with the horrible face all chias normally have:

Awful. Just ghastly.

Now you can correct him and make him good:

Look how fucking cute some of the other chias are this way:

This is a fucking game changer, I actually care about neopets for the first time in a decade because I can take their faces off. They were born for this. They were waiting almost 30 years to be freed from their disgusting foul orifices. “Help me, mother” they say, “I am cursed with a mouth and can therefore all too easily scream!” as their famous catchphrase always went I think. At last their salvation is here. I mean, look at this sad lenny:

We all know exactly why he’s canonically always so miserable! If there’s one thing he hates more than having legs to touch the earth’s filth and corruption it’s being able to see it.

Now he’s happy! He wants this!

And now he’s even happier i’ll bet!!!!!!!!!!

If you take the muzzle piece off the scorchio it even liberates their whole head from their neck as their god intended:

Legit though some pets actually make better serious designs besides the nudibranch one, like if you take the eyes off any of the (already badass) transparent pets you get their deep abyssal cave version:

Now look at some of the transparent pets with everything taken away that can be taken away:

The uni is finally almost unrecognizable as an equine, its life long dream

This isn’t like any of the dog designs in any of the silent hill games but it could exactly have been a dog design in a silent hill game, you know??

God bless whatever artist refused to give the insectoid Ruki a normal vertebrate skeleton so you can make this gelatinous flying space angel

But god bless whoever DID give the insectoid Buzz a vertebrate skeleton so you can make this HR Giger parasite embryo. Actually cannot pick between the two bug pets here as my new favorite neopets that are still technically available. THESE WINGS HAVE BEEN RETIRED SINCE 2012 OR I WOULD MAKE THIS PET:

[the-night-that-feeds-if]

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VAYLE!🎊🎉🎊🎉🎉🎉🎊I think it's a great time to drop even more author lore :D It can be anything you want to share, today's all about you🤠🤳

THANK FOR THE BIRTHDAY WISHES 🎉🎉

Ooooh, what else can I talk about.

I'm not actually a big sweets person but I am definitely a sucker for peach rings, and fresh fruit. My favorite fruits are peaches, blueberries, mangoes, guava etc. I don't often get to indulge in fruit anymore so it's a real treat when I can.

But I'm allergic to kiwi even though I LOVE KIWI. It's so spicy and hurts my throat and mouth and makes it a little hard to breathe and I was just living life like that because that's what I thought kiwi did xD I had never heard of oral allergies before until my fiance told me that shit aint normal lmao.

I love changing my hair super often, if you go through pics of me through months, years, I look like a completely different person. I love playing around with my appearance.

I gave myself a shit stick and poke tattoo of a spiky blob thing and I legit love that lil fucker.

I have a tattoo of a snail because I've always hyper fixated on them. I also have a nudibranch onesie that I adore

That's what I got for now!

[daisychainsandbowties]

I have only just discovered strawberry squid and I am pleased to report I am completely normal about them

oooh my god yes the strawberry squid was the first creature that made me understand why we imagine aliens with tentacles and odd bulbous eyes and also why that’s boring behaviour when there are squid and polychaete worms and nudibranchs. what we’d like to call alien lives here already 🥰🥰

this is an excellent resource if you want to see some very rare pictures and videos of strawberry squid, and also lean about their differently-coloured eyes! one for looking up towards the light and the other for looking down into darkness

[gender-buddies]

Phase Three Artist Commentary

Yep, here we go again! Phase Three is finished and now I want to talk about the inspirations and thoughts on all the Buddies released for this phase. Check it out under the cut!

Girl and Boy: Yes, I am going to put these two together because they work as a pair and are inspired by the same things. I avoided designing these for the longest time because I needed something that would be unique, make sense color-wise, and NOT just be a pink girl critter and a blue boy critter. I wanted no assumptions, nobody who would take a look and say "Yep, that's a girl alright." So I started looking at animals that have the ability to change sex, because that is a common narrative for boys and girls - a lot of them are assigned those genders at birth but then discover they were something else. The entire Gastropod class is composed of snails, slugs, nudibranchs, and others that can change sex. I decided I liked the idea of having a sea hare or sea bunny as the basis, with some nudibranch-like details. Sort of a mix of animals. While they are related to snails, and Nonbinary was a snail, I made them anything but Water types because they needed to be different. I didn't incorporate anything that could be conveyed as "masculine" or "feminine" and I specifically avoided using too much blue and pink. I think a small cool-colored Buddy and a larger warm-colored Buddy was a good way to balance the two. I'm proud of these ones!

Fluidflux: I try not to make too many fluid identities into Water types or any kind of aquatic animal, but I really liked the idea of an eel that was both flowy and spiky. The face is probably my favorite part. The pattern flows and fluctuates between spots and stripes much like gender can flow and fluctuate. This design uses inspiration from dragons, ribbon eels, dragon eels, and fire eels - and it's the only common Buddy so far to have two elements!

Trigender: Since Pokemon decided to release a mutli-headed hot pepper plant design, I couldn't convince myself that my three-headed hot pepper Buddy would be a good idea. I wanted to design something that came in three parts, and I liked the idea of three inseparable animals. Capybaras are known for hanging out with other animals and I thought birds would be cute - both water birds, a kingfisher and a duck. Trigender is not the capybara nor either of the birds, but is the entire group together. Normally I would avoid going masc or fem for multigender identities but for this one, I like the feminine look of the capybara.

Autigender: A mud puppy, pretty much! I wanted an animal that felt like it properly represents the autistic experience, and I think a dog fits really well. Having it covered in mud from running around and playing also seems to fit because it shows excitability and hyperactivity, maybe even an unawareness or lack of care about getting dirty. I had a lot of fun showing movement by giving it a dynamic pose and having the mud flying off of it. Also there's totally an error with the highlighting, on the front paw in the foreground.

Genderpunk: I think it's pretty punk for a fox to act like a wolf. I sketched this as a wolf originally and then tried to change it to an animal that normally comes from a hot climate, but is an Ice element. I stuck with the wolf idea until it was time to do the line art, and I made the last-minute decision to make it a fox that happened to act and look like a wolf. Skulls are pretty punk, so I gave it a wolf skull to wear.

Genderflor: The entire group of these genders - Genderfae, Genderfaun, and Genderflor have turned out great so far and this one is no exception. The original idea was some kind of little pixie-like creature based on a bumble bee, but I wanted it to be surprising just like the others. I thought of animals representing nature, like the World Turtle with trees on its back, and I thought a big dinosaur covered in foliage would be cool. A gentle giant is perfect to represent nature.

Nanogender: A Buddy based on an isopod of course. So far, this one was the second-easiest to draw (Agender was the first) and I like how it turned out because of its simplicity. I wanted something small because of the "nano" part of the label, but I also made it an electronic critter based on the same word. It was originally just a sleek little robot with glowing spots and I added the wheels and wind-up key last minute. I wish I'd done more for highlighting though.

Xenine: Originally this would have been a phoenix with star-shaped patterns on it, but I'm going to use the fiery flying animal idea for other Buddies. This one was changed to be based on the Cetus constellation, which looks like a sea monster. I wasn't sure what to do with the fin down its back until I was ready to add color, and thought a starry galaxy would look cool. I kept the Stellar element even though this one would work well as a Cosmic type too, mostly because it's based on a constellation.

Cenrell and Faesari: I'm putting these two together because they go together. I knew right away that one would be Shadow and one would be Light, and then started thinking of how that could be portrayed. Something hiding in the shadows, something protecting the other. The original plan was a clam and a pearl, and then I wanted the pearl to be a frilly little fish to give it a more feminine look. Then I realized that pea crabs are what you would find living in a clamshell, so I decided Faesari would be a pea crab. As for Cenrell, the clam design just didn't look good when I sketched it out. Instead, I went with a pelican, where the mouth was sort of a clamshell in shape. I thought it was really neat to put Faesari in the artwork for Cenrell as a little easter egg. Pea crabs have markings that could look a little bit like a heart if you look at it the right way, so I put a heart on it and made it very cutesy. Both of these Buddies were a good way for me to introduce simple designs at higher levels, instead of making every level 4 Buddy so complex.

Gender Disobedient: This one breaks convention in a number of ways to highlight the disobedient nature of the identity. It's a snake that can fly and it's made up of different animal parts to make it more like a chimera. It also doesn't match the colors of the flag it's based on and instead, I came up with my own colors. It originally was just a big draconic snake with claws and feathered wings, but I had a lot of trouble making the hands look good. I tried paws instead and it came out a lot better! The flames on the head and tail were added just as I was ready to save the final image because it looked more interesting, but the first version would have had a crest of feathers on the head and feathers on the tail tip.

All in all, phase three took a lot of work, but I think it was worth it. The Buddy designs are gradually becoming more details and high-concept, incorporating a lot of themes that better fit the identities now than they did in Phase One. I'm looking forward to posting more of my design ideas in the near future! Phase Four will introduce a new element never seen before.

- 💜

[liongoatsnake]

I concur. One of my theriotypes is a nudibranch, animals that are by their very nature hermaphrodites. This nature of one of my theriotypes has a very notable effect on my sex (the body I have within the system I am a part of) and even to an extent my gender. However trying to discuss my species identities when it comes to how I perceive myself often gets tripped up with the the knee-jerk reactions talked about above. When I am talking about myself/my theriotype, hermaphrodite is actually the proper term to use. Because the state of my genitalia is within the norm/common expectations for my species/body inworld. Hermaphrodite only relates to sex though, as I would label my gender under more conventional masculine-but-still-nonbinary terminology.

Conversely, if/when Leaps-Highest were to talk about being an antlered doe and what that means for her sex within our system, then it would make sense for her to say intersex. Because deer are gonochoric and for most species of deer does do not normally have antlers. (In case it isn't clear, Leaps-Highest doesn't 'identify as' intersex, her gender is female/feminine, but that doesn't change the fact her appearance in our system and regarding her shifting experiences (e.g. phantom limbs) would suggest an intersex condition.) (None of this says anything about the state of our system's actual physical body, but whether our system has a perisex or intersex body isn't relevant to this discussion.)

~ Ocean Watcher (he/they)

There is an issue in the community that comes from outside of it that we need to address.

Hermaphroditic =/= Intersex.

But, Daski, you say, we know that!

Except there's this nagging part of people's brains that involves itself with respectability politics to the point that they forget this fact.

People hear "hermaphrodite" and get their feathers in a ruffle on behalf of the intersex community due to it's historic use as a slur. But they also forget that hermaphrodite is a legitimate biological description of genital configurations.

We're a community that talks a lot about blurring that of being animal and being person. We're also a community that is on the cutting edge of understanding parts of human psyche that science hasnt caught up to studying on a large scale yet.

Thus, when someone in our community mentions they (as a kintype) had or currently wish to have hermaphroditic genitals they're not saying they want to be intersex. You cant become intersex, and intersex is a human diagnostic criteria. Conflating ANY USAGE of the words deriving from "hermaphrodite" to intersex is doing an enormous disservice to the intersex community by muddying the waters of their terms and definitions.

Humans have wonderful terms such as salmacian and bigenital to describe the current technology level of having more than one genital attached to a body. However, remember we're talking about being animal people. Not everyone's wants or goals or dysphoria can be described by these terms. So we turn to the correct word of Hermaphroditic: having two complete and fully functioning sets of genitals. (Which I must remind readers: intersex does not include this definition. This is not a possible genital configuration in humans by birth.)

Hermaphrodite and it's derivatives are not bad words worthy of knee-jerk reactions. Think critically before policing others' terminology usage, especially if you're not a part of the perceived aggrieved group.

[floydleechrp]

So, out of everyone you know at your school, rate them based on how likey you would beat them in a fight. Not only that, but whether or not you would fight them in the first place. And for extra flair, pick your battle theme for each fight :]

With 29 28 27 being "they would definitely beat me in a fight" and 1 being "I'd kick their ass in 2 seconds flat," I present to you: Floyd Leech's Official List of People He Could Beat in a Fight~ (featuring battle themes for each and every one~) 29. Sea Angel (Ortho). I am not fighting him. I'm an eel, not a monster. (He gets no battle theme because I'm NOT fighting him)

28. Seagull (Rook). Not that he'd beat me in a fight, I just wouldn't touch him with a 29 and a half foot pole (/ref). Theme song because. he's scary. leave me alone

27. Lobster (Prof Vargas). He probably could beat me in a fight, but that won't stop me, nee~ Theme song

26. Nudibranch (Malleus). I'm basing this more on physical strength than magical ability, buuut he's like, the most powerful mage at the school. I feel like we'd have a great fight~ Theme song

25. Flapjack octopus (Lilia). He's OOOLD. He's probably got a lot of experience.~ Still! I think I'd be just fine!~ Theme song

24. Sea Snake (Jamil). He seems to know what he's doing~ Still, he's made some slip-ups in his thoughts before, I'm sure I'd find a way around it~ Theme song

23. Crowley. He's gotta be strong if he's headmage right? I mean, I'd still win but gotta consider the possibility~ Theme song

22. Sea Lion (Leona). I feeeeeel like if he stopped napping 24/7, he'd make a good opponent~ Theme song

21. Jade.~ My brother and I have been fighting since we were kids! He's proven to be a perfectly fair opponent in a fight~ I'd say we're an even match~ Theme song

20. Azul~ Also a pretty fair match, I'd say, but on land? I think I beat him in physical strength, hehe~ Theme song

19. Sea Urchin (Jack). He LOOKS like a good opponent!~ Theme song

18. Crocodile (Sebek). I've seen Crocodile pick up like eight chairs at once before! That's gotta take at least a bit of strength~ Theme song

17. Sharksucker (Ruggie). He's small, he's fast, but does that mean he's strong?~ Theme song

16. Goldfish (Riddle). I knowww this is about strength, but Goldfish is way better with magic than he is brute strength, I at least know that much~ Theme song

15. Striped Beakfish (Prof Crewel). Yeah he's strict but I think I could beat him~ Theme song

14. Firefly Squid (Idia). Fire<water~ Theme song

13. Betta (Vil), what's he gonna do, throw eyeshadow at me? /j Theme song

12. Sea Turtle (Trey)~ Feel like he wouldn't be too hard to fight, but he's gotta have some spark in him, right?~ Theme song

11. Mackeral (Deuce). He's just a freshie, but he's definitely got some fight in him!~ I've seen it myself~ Theme song

10. Seahorse (Sam), he's surely got some tricks up his sleeve, but it's nothin' I can't handle!~ Theme song

9. Jellyfish (Silver)... I'm sure we'd have a fun fight if he didn't fall asleep. Theme song

8. Leaf Sheep (Spirit, @aetherphobia ), I dunno what she's capable of, but that's the fun part!~ Theme song

7. Snapper (Cater). He can multiply himself, sounds like one hell of a fight!~ (I'd still win~) Theme song

6. Crabby (Ace). I beat him in dodgeball all the time at basketball club, how hard could a normal fight be?~ Theme song

5. Clownfish (Howl, @thesunshineriptide ). I'd win, but if Clownfishie started doing another funny little dance, I might just quit from laughing too hard, nee!~ Theme song

4. Guppy (Epel). He's got some fight to him, but I'd still twist him into a pretzel without breaking a sweat~ Theme song

3. Red Squid (Prof Trein). He's an OLD MAN, I could snap him in two easy peasy!~ Theme song

2. Sea Otter (Kalim). He doesn't have an ounce of fight in him, easy win for me~ Theme song

Shrimpy!!!

What? Hey, no, that's me! Floyd why am I your number one??

Weeelll, I have fought you before!~ Your spells don't even hurt and you can barely hold your own books, nee~

Bu- Y- [Scoffs] Wow. That's SO rude of you, Unagi. /j. (you're right)

Here's your theme song, Shrimpy~

Okay, I'll accept that.

[nenestansunsthings]

❝ Seems everyone in this family’s got problems. ❞ please!

It's his first time raiding the Foundation, and Seb is scared.

It really doesn't help that there are alarms going off everywhere, alarms that are loud and hurt his ears even when he's the one who set them off, and it really, really doesn't help that he's alone, and that he's the one who's supposed to get the person they're here for.

It's not a big breakout-- there's just someone they have to get, an SCP he and Jim had heard the researchers talking about before Berry and Wallace helped them escape-- but still. He and Jim have to be in different places for this, with their very different jobs, and he- he hasn't seen these halls before. He was in Research, not Containment. He's always been scared of Containment, and everything they've kept contained. This is not helping.

Seb's heart practically stops when he hears footsteps. The sound is so buried in alarms a human can't have heard it, but he's gone way past that already. He yelps, ducking quickly behind a corner. Someone's coming. Someone's coming. There's a gun on his belt, Serpent's Hand-provided and with actual stun settings like a sci-fi gun, but he's still not that good at using it. If it's a security guard, he's dead.

He can't be caught here. He can't be. He's so close, and they've already gotten out, he can't be recontained on their first mission, he can't-

"Berry! Berry, where are you?!"

Seb's breath hitches in his throat.

"Berry!" He hears Eun swear, the swipe of her ID card on some door, and it opens but she curses again at that. "If you're not here-"

Seb doesn't breathe, can't breathe, as she gets closer. Every door that opens is a sound that spikes painfully in his head. He- Oh, god, he can't let Eun know it's him, she'll know he and Jim set off the alarms and she'll be so angry that they could have put people in danger and--

Eun stops, just a few feet from him, and Seb's fingers curl quickly around his gun. It's on stun, he checked. It's fine. She won't die if he shoots her, right? If- If he shoots her, he can get to the containment cell and get the girl they're breaching out. He just has to shoot her. He just-

Eun turns the corner, and for a second, their eyes meet.

And then, almost too quickly, he's been shoved down, and there's a nail gun to his throat, and- "W-Wait, wait, no, please-!"

Eun falters. "... Sebastian?"

Seb can't react past the panic rising quickly in him.

"What- Don't tell me you set off those alarms." Eun's expression hardens, and her grip tightens on the gun. Her hands are starting to shake. "What are you doing here? You got out."

"I-I'm sorry, I- I'm not going to hurt anyone, please don't, please-"

"Sebastian." It's almost harder to focus on Eun's voice through the endless shrill ring of the alarms. "You- Alright. I'll put the gun away, alright? Stand up for me. You don't have to be scared, okay? Sebastian. Can you hear me?"

Sebastian squeezes his eyes shut. He can't feel the nail gun at his throat. But- But if it's still close enough, he could still-

"Please listen to me." Eun's voice goes soft. She tugs him up carefully, and when he collapses into her she doesn't mock him when he can't stop himself from starting to sob from the terror. "Fuck. I scared you, didn't I? I'm sorry, alright? I thought you were here to- No, you don't need to hear that right now. Breathe for me, okay? Breathe."

Right. Eun had told him about this before, right? Slow breaths. Sebastian tries his best. His back still hurts from hitting the ground so suddenly, and he's still sore from the transformation last night, but he tries his best to breathe.

"There we go. It's alright." Eun pulls him carefully into a hug. It isn't as easy as the kind she'd given him before containment and before his breach, but it still feels good. "You don't have to talk right now, okay? Take a moment to calm down."

Seb barely gets out his words. "Eun, I-"

"Don't. You'll strain yourself. You need to calm yourself down for a bit first, alright?" She slips a hand under his slightly loose helmet. It's unfairly familiar, the feeling of fingers in his hair. "Be quiet for a bit."

It's a few moments before Sebastian thinks he can talk again.

"... I can't- Eun, I have to go."

"An explanation first, maybe?" Eun doesn't stop hugging him. He hasn't had a hug in so long. Not one from Berry or from her. "What are you doing here? Why the tactical gear?"

"I'm breaking out an SCP."

"Ah." Eun sounds surprised. She goes back to normal quickly. "... Am I right in guessing that's why there are bunny nudibranches painted onto the bulletproof vest?"

Seb laughs. It's not that funny, really, but- but it feels less scary than the rest of this. "Y- Yeah, it's- it's so she's not going to be so scared when I get her. She's a kid! You have to give kids nice things!"

'"That's true." Eun's hands fall away. Seb can't really help the tiny whimper when she stops hugging him. But there's a serious look on her face when she looks at him, so he can't really ask her to put them back. "Sebastian. Have you seen Berry anywhere? I know they were running tests alone somewhere in this sector."

"Berry?" Seb shakes his head. "Do- Do you think they got out okay?"

"I don't know. That's why I'm looking for-"

"... Seb?"

Seb and Eun both freeze at the sudden voice. Seb's the one who manages to turn first, and when he does he's met with another friend he hasn't seen in too long. "Berry, I-"

"Get away from him!" Seb does not expect for Berry to rush forward and shove him behind them, glaring at Eun with more anger than he'd ever seen in them before. Eun flinches back, raising her nail gun instinctively. It doesn't help at all. "Don't even think about hurting him, you-"

"I won't hurt him. He- Berry, what did you even think I was going to-?!"

"Berry! Berry, it's fine!" Seb pulls them back quickly, gripping their arm tightly. "Don't yell at Eun, please-"

"After what she did?! No fucking way-"

"As kindly as possible, Berry, shut up." Eun scowls, stepping even further away. "Sebastian's running out of time. You're here to break someone out, aren't you? Don't you have a time limit?"

"... What?"

"Henrie, you and I can fight about what I did later. For now, we can help Sebastian." Eun offers her card. "If you don't have a way to access that girl's chamber, use this. My clearance level should be enough for anything short of a god."

"That's- Wait, you're helping him?!" Berry's eyes widen in surprise. "You... What are you planning?"

"As of now? My excuse for how I lost my card and how to make it so that I get reprimanded as little as possible for dropping it." Eun looks away from them to meet Seb's eyes. "Do you need it?"

"I- I can't get you in trouble! I'll just shoot the lock!"

"That only makes the door stay locked."

"Then-" Seb hesitates, worried, before he takes the card.

"Alright." Eun nods, not looking relieved in the slightest. More stressed, if anything. "That's not a problem anymore, then."

"Not a- Eun, what the fuck is wrong with you?! You're just going to give him your ID?! Won't that be an even bigger problem?"

"It won't be anything bigger than being suspected of causing a containment breach," Eun says blithely, and when Berry freezes at that she smiles. "Well. When I put it that way, seems everyone in this family's got problems."

"How dare you call yourself family."

Eun's smile falters. Seb winces, turning to Berry. "I- Berry, what are you talking about? What did she do?"

Berry falls silent. Eun doesn't answer, either. And so Seb is left with more questions than he had at the beginning.

"Right. Well." Eun shakes her head. "Burn that when you're done, please? It'll make it look even more like you stole it."

"But-"

"I'll be able to get another card. Don't worry about me. Is Jim helping you?"

"Yes, he's helping!"

"Then finish this quickly so he's in less danger, too." She approaches them quickly, taking Berry by the wrist and tugging them away. "Come on, Henrie. We can't be here. Plausible deniability and all that."

"R-Right." Berry looks back for a second. "... Good luck, Seb."

Despite everything, that still makes Seb feel warm inside.

"... Okay!" The alarms are still going, and that hurts his ears, but Seb heads for the door he needs to anyway. He opens it with the swipe of a freely given card.

The girl inside screams when the door opens, all the metal in the room suddenly springing to life with fruit and flowers at her panic, but Seb talks to her anyway. "It's okay! It's okay! I'm not here to hurt you!"

The girl retreats further into a corner, the wood of her arms surrounded instinctively by the plants. That's okay. He can do this. "W-Who are you?"

Seb smiles brightly, holding his hands up to show they're empty. "My name is Seb," he says. "I'm with the Lone Wolves."

[haemoneiron]

Empatheorem

So I will admit that I am awfully hesitant to have Crow swap with anyone for a number of reasons but I’m not ruling it out 100%. Also these posts are a lot of fun to write so... Yeah. If you are interested it will definitely require some talking OOC. Mentions of blood and body horror below.

>Be Crow 

Physical

You have a weird body.

You’re pretty wired all of the time but it doesn’t really show.

You just don’t really get tired, and you only sleep about two hours a night.

Your senses are insanely sharp. Your hearing can pick up hearbeats from across the room and your sense of smell is comparable to a grizzly’s. 

As far as sight goes, you see everything exactly how it is without being filtered by something so mundane as senses or a brain. You can see all wavelengths of light, and even invisible things. 

Enjoy the overload, this is why she stays home so often.

You’ve got fangs and yes they’re hot. You were also never really built to have fangs so if they grow too much too fast because you’re a) hungry b) angry or c) horny you will cut into yourself.

Your blood is also kind of like acid, so watch out. It won’t burn you but it will burn other people unless they’re built to drink blood.

You’re strong enough to rip a modest tree out of the ground and you’re fast enough to make bullets look slow. 

You’re a freaking tank, it’s incredibly difficult to harm you and you regenerate pretty fast too.

You’re an eldritch Great One and you can talk to Great Ones. Talking like this in front of other people will probably hurt their brains though.

You can drink blood and you will want to, often. About once a day is usually enough to stop things getting a bit nasty though.

You are 5′3

Powers

You are entirely uncapped, have fun.

You’re an alien space god. You can use alien space god magic.

You don’t really know how to use this yet though, so basically you can invoke runes, shoot meteorites out of the portals in your eyes (which are always there) and create small exploding stars. 

As mentioned above your physical stats are pretty crazy.

Your mental presence is staggering and disorientating for mortal minds. Being around you can be uncomfortable unless you’re taking efforts to reign it in. Psychics probably won’t like you too much.

You can’t die. Your body can be destroyed, but you’ll be back in about a minute.

You’ve got a crazy ass sword that’s dripping in curses and space magic. Touching it can be lethal for normal people. 

You’ve got plenty of other weapons too including a pistol that can blow holes in gods and a magic lightsaber.

You’ve got a whistle that can summon a gargantuan nightmare viper.

You’ve got a whole bunch of familiars that are basically nudibranch ghosts. They don’t do anything, but they like you and they’re pretty.

Personality

You have one. Sort of.

You don’t really react to anything. At least not outwardly.

You’re very blunt and sometimes you have difficulty parsing social interactions.

People probably think you don’t have emotions but that’s not true. You’re just very good at keeping a lid on things. Too good really.

Nothing is really going to unsettle you, or make you spooked.

However, you will feel enmity to people you believe tied to the Healing Church, anyone claiming to be a vicar, and executioners.

You really don’t like dogs. You don’t want them anywhere near you.

This extends to dog/wolf people or hybrids.

You can enjoy things and smile, but you have to actively make the effort to do it.

Memories

They’re not great.

You remember the Nightmare torn Yharnam. Ruined by beasts, hubris and alien space gods. 

You’ve killed a lot of monsters, but you’ve also killed a lot of people. 

You crucified a dude once because he was rude to your boss. It wasn’t pretty.

You have also died, dozens of times and you remember every one. Cut apart, eaten, burned, melted by brain magic, had all of your blood drawn out of your body, crushed, drowned. It goes on.

You killed one of your friends in this city back at home, but she doesn’t remember. 

Your only real friend was a doll and she is perfect and precious. She also made you buff as hell.

Annalise is your queen. She stopped you from losing your mind and basically turned you into a vampire. You and her are the last two Vilebloods. You killed at least 100 people in her name and would probably do it again if asked. 

You’ve waded through a literal river of blood and fought gods and madness across multiple realities. You also kind of killed hell. Or a special version of it meant for hunter’s at least. 

[sunmommi]

tagged by: @my-faves-said-gay-rights <3<3 thnxx for the tag

rules: answer 20 questions and then tag some more people

name: Josefin

nicknames: rn between my friends its Jossi, and has been for a long time. My dad calls me: Josse, mom: Jossan, my friends when I was younger: Loppan

zodiac sign: Libra

height: Don’t really know, but about 165 cm

languages: Swedish & English, I can understand Spanish and used to be ok at it but now I dont think I am anymore... trying to learn japanese.

nationality: Swedish

favourite season: Summer!

favourite flower: ummm I like daisies but I dont know^^

favourite scent: I like very sweet, like vanilla-ish scents 

favourite colour: turquoise! 

favourite animal: I don’t knooww, I really love nudibranchs/sea slugs! D: <3 

favourite fictional characters: no clue, I have a hard time picking favourites of anything...I’m just gonna say the Young Avengers for now because they are my children

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: tea!

average sleep hours: I really try to aim for 8h, and it normally end up around? 6-7? so it ok

dog or cat person: cat^^ 

number of blanket you sleep with: one :p

dream trip: iceland, and new zeeland, and machu picchu + Nazca lines but I don’t wanna contribute to the destruction by turism yknw

blog established: this one somewhere at the end of 2017 i think?

followers: -- I don’t wanna sayy

random fact: I play a cute wizard tiefling named Kai in our dnd game

tagging: if ur a mutual and you see this, and it sounds like fun to answer, do it! and pretend you were tagged by me ~

[rememberthattime]

Chapter 44. New Zealand

Back again! It'd only been three weeks since Chelsay and I returned from New Zealand, and although the South Island was one of our best trips ever, we felt like something was missing. Did we not have enough CookieTimes? Well, duh, but it was something else... Oh. That's right! We forgot to go to the North Island.

Having missed half the country, Chels & I decided we needed a Kiwi Trip Round II, but this time, we wouldn't be exploring alone. Our friends Pete & Megan joined our journey from real-life Hobbiton to Mt Doom. And so it began: the Fellowship of (adventu)Ring

Before getting to the North Island, I want to briefly mention a work trip I’d returned from only 2 days prior. My meetings were in Atlanta, but if I’m flying 17+ hours to the US, I’m stopping in Dallas. Now, my family had been in Sydney only 6 weeks before, but I hadn’t been home since August. That meant this “house (work) money” stopover was a long-awaited oppo for home-cooked meals, QuizTime by Matt, and board games with the whole fam (Mini Monopoly was the game of choice).

It actually worked out that Chelsay wasn’t with me this trip — see, we can’t play Monopoly together. Her strategy is to buy all the property, lose all her money, not allow me to trade her cash for property, then continuously mortgage the properties until I start paying rent. It’s a ruthless, bleed-out strategy! The winner is decided in the first lap around the board, but I think she enjoys watching me slowly die over the next 6 hours.

That was a tangent... Anyway, I had a great time at home, and am actually returning for another work trip in just a few weeks.

Back to NZ now. I returned to Sydney on a Wednesday, and we were flying out to Auckland that same Friday. I basically just stayed at the airport for the day and a half in-between... Actually, this would have been a viable strategy with Megan’s ridiculous credit card benefits: her perks got us ~$200 in free food! I have to admit: we were so distracted by the free food that we nearly missed our flight. Last ones on the plane!

We arrived in Auckland fairly late, and had a 2.5 hour drive to our first destination: scuba diving at Poor Knight’s Island. I was still jet lagged from the US trip, so hardly remember any of the ride up. Actually, the only thing I remember from that night is that we needed to wake up at 7:15 for an 8:15 dive check-in.

7:15 didn’t happen. I awoke to Peter announcing to the room: “It’s 7:47!” I’m not sure why he happened to wake up, but we were so lucky he did. Our phones hadn’t switched timezones, but thank god’s Pete’s internal clock did. Sleeping any later might’ve caused us to literally “miss the boat.”

We somehow made it to the dive shop in time, but this early AM rush was just the start of the day’s excitement. See, Poor Knight’s is considered one of the most diverse, most secluded, and most best (yeah I did) dive spots in the entire world. Don’t believe me? Well, Jacques Cousteau lists Poor Knight’s in his Top 10, which is like cracking Chelsay’s favorite piece of white furniture. My point: he knows what he’s talking about.

As explained by our Welsh skipper, Poor Knight’s is a now-deserted island that was once part of a 25 km-wide caldera (!). For reference, the ring of that volcano was the same distance from Seattle to Sammamish.

As we got closer to the island, our guide Juergen prepped us for the dive. What safety checks we need to do in advance, what different hand signals meant, which animals we’d see, which animals we’d see “doing it”... Wait what? We didn’t say anything at the time, but this was the first instance of Juergen’s weird and repeated references to reproduction.

Some would say Juergen over-prepared us for the dive - we now knew too much. Anyway, we geared up into our 7 mm cold-protection wetsuits, threw on extra vests and a hood for good measure, and hopped in.

A couple things to note here. First, although normally frigid, we had really lucky weather which warmed the island’s water temp to a very reasonable 20 C. This meant our 7 mm wetsuits were overkill, though I think the extra coverage helped avoid Juergen’s objectifying eyes...

Second thing to note: the 7 mm wetsuit is FAR more buoyant than the 2 mm we’re used to wearing in Manly. After our initial dive descent, I quickly experienced this difference, nearly blacking out as the buoyant suit pulled me up from 10m to 3m in just a few seconds.

It actually took most of this first dive to adjust... and to just remember how to scuba dive. It was bizarre, but an absolute blast to be back in the water after not diving since Indonesia 7 months before. The setting lived up to its billing as well, as hundreds of species, thousands of fish, and infinite seaweed swayed back and forth with the current. Specifically, on Dive #1, we saw a sting ray, eagle ray, several camouflaged scorpion fish, a group of orange spotted nudibranch, and one especially playful wrasse.

I felt far more prepared for the next dive, which was lucky because we spotted all of the big stuff on this trip. It turns out I’m pretty good at spotting things when (A) they’re big, and (B) I’m not blacking out like I did on the first dive. For Dive #2, we saw two eagle rays, a moray eel, and a massive sting ray. Megan, our group’s most experienced diver got pretty close, which provides reference for how big this thing was.

A few more things I’d like to remember from our dive day:

My scuba learning curve might have been slow, but Chelsay had zero trouble. I think it’s because of her unique technique. First, I’ve never actually seen her swim. Instead, she sort-of floats around like a dead person and let’s the current do the work. Second, she takes EVERYTHING in. Through a combination of the goggle magnification and her already big eyes, it constantly looks like she’s just seen a shark.

Poor Knight’s is really a great spot for diving. Beyond the fish and swaying seaweed, the setting itself is just really cool. 20m tall pillars, underwater ocean caves, and phenomenal visibility to take it all in.

As if the diving wasn’t enough, our boat (“The No Stress Express”) came across a pod of ~15 curious dolphins on our ride back to shore.

After reaching land, we had a five hour drive to that night’s AirBnB. This seems like a long trek (basically driving from Seattle to Couer d’Alene AFTER a full day of scuba diving), but our entire group was up for the journey. It’s rare but extremely lucky to have travel buddies equally willing to push for the perfect itinerary, but that’s exactly what Chelsay and I had with Pete and Megan: our mirror couple that prioritizes getting the absolute most out of their travels.

How else did we ensure we were maximizing our time on the North Island? Road trip Maccas and Cookie Time McFlurrys. Crumbly chocolate chip cookies coated in caramel sauce and mixed in a creamy “bucket” of soft serve. ...Juergen would’ve made an inappropriate joke about the word creamy.

Thanks to Johnathan van Ness teaching us “How to Treat Our Skin Like the Gorgeous Organ She Is” and Daniel & Jorge explaining “What is a multiverse?”, the five hour drive went quickly and we were at our AirBnB in no time. And what a unique AirBnB it was.

We pulled into the Big Bird BnB, where our lovely host Dotty stayed up late to show us our cottage. Dotty off-handedly mentioned her animals, which gradually led to us discovering she had entire petting zoo. This wasn’t just any petting zoo though... Dotty had a “collection” of MINI cats, dogs, cows, goats, rams, and horses. Note, not all of the aroused horse was tiny... Juergen would’ve been going nuts. This miniature collection went along with normal-sized animals: pigs, ostriches, emus, and snaggle-toothed alpacas. Damn Dotty, where’s the Ark!?

The exclamation mark on our bizarre but very pleasant surprise of a BnB was the breakfast: bacon and (ostrich) egg on toast, with kitten cuddles on the side.

We couldn’t have asked for a better start, but it was only the beginning of an adventurous day. Our first stop was the nearby Waitomo Caves, one of TripAdvisor’s Top 10 highest rated destinations in the world. ...between this and Jacque Cousteau’s dive spot, a lot of Top 10s in this trip already.

We’d signed up to essentially float through an underground cave on an inner tube. The catch: rather than head lamps, the caves are illuminated solely by bioluminescent glow worms.

After a brief introduction, we once again wetty’d up for cold, wet, damp, and unavoidable submersion. We followed our guides through the cave’s entrance, which was really just a crack in the ground barely bigger than my body. Once inside, the walls didn’t get much wider, though they got far taller. Navigating narrow passages towering as high as 40 feet, we sloshed through running water while descending deeper and deeper into the damp dwelling.

Now 50 feet below the surface, we’d escaped all natural light. The cave itself was wet, but we were also soaked after tubing through underground streams and leaping off several waterfalls. After a particularly splashy jump from a 6-foot ‘fall, our guide asked us to form an inner tube-train. Something was happening — we must have arrived.

The group formed a floating line, though with our headlamps on, we couldn’t really tell what the fuss was. This particular cavern looked like each room before: a long, narrow passage, framed be limestone walls and stalactite millennial (i.e. they took a millennium to develop. Not millennial like... instagrammers. No, not funny? I’ll try another millennial reference in a sec).

The guide asked us to turn our headlamps off, and the show began. The limestone walls and entitled millennial stalactites disappeared in the darkness, but the cave hadn’t quite turned pitch black.... Galaxies of tiny blue bioluminescent lights now consumed the cave’s ceiling above us. Layers and layers of overlapping blue light.

It didn’t seem real — more like an attraction at Disney. This is fake right? The rock is just hollowed plastic, and there’s a black light somewhere back there?

Nope, these lights were very real and (uh huh) very natural. See, the light is produced when underground worms create waste. Through evolution, the worm’s waste began to glow, which attracted and trapped more food. Nature!

The amazing thing is that these glow worms had been all around us, but were hidden by the light from our headlamps.

With all other lights off though, the worm’s shit shined. The sharp light from the cave’s ceiling softly reflected off the water below, illuminating the long passage of the otherwise black cave into infinity.

Shockingly, we were underground for almost 90 minutes, so our eyes had really gotten used to the dark. Exiting into the sunlight felt like leaving da clubz after an all-night bender... which I do often.

We were literally stepping out of a hole in the ground, which is a perfect transition to our next destination: Hobbiton. The fictional home to hobbits, where their homes are built directly into holes in the ground. Does a hobbit’s shit glow too?

The ride over was short but entertaining. First, the views. Having now driven through both the North and South Island, New Zealand’s landscape continues to amaze me. I don’t know how such a small country can have such diverse landscapes. It’s like the entire EU packed into a country the size of WYOMING. This particular drive reminded us of Ireland, with vibrant rolling green hills and a population of cows that far outnumbered the local humans.

Second point to note from the ride, our entertainment: Chelsay. Megan hadn’t seen the LotR’s series (c’mon Pete), but Hobbiton wouldn’t be the same experience without context. Don’t worry. There’s no one better to boil down a 9 hour film series than Chelsay. She should have her own show summarizing plot lines. I try to imagine what Tolkien would say if he’d heard Chelsay’s explanation of LotR... I’m sure he’d agree it was an Oxford-level literary lesson.

With our whole team now on the same page (book pun?) re: Hobbiton, we were ready to tour the fictional hamlet. Our guide for the day was Paul, who was truly living his best life. Describing Paul as “a big LotR guy” would be an undersell. There’s a 120% chance he dressed up as Gandalf for the movie premiers. We couldn’t have gotten a better tour guide though, as Paul’s enthusiasm was infectious.

Not only was Paul Middle Earth’s biggest cheerleader, but he clearly knew his stuff. As we perused the Green Dragon Inn or Bag-End, Paul shared insider stories from Hobbiton’s history.

Before filming started, Peter Jackson, LotR’s Oscar-winning director, had flown over this farmland and thought it would be the perfect Hobbiton. He landed his helicopter and approached the owner, asking if the farmer would allow a film set on his property.

Not hip to the fantasy fiction culture, the farmer rejected the offer and told Jackson that “he, his helicopter, and their Harry Potter magic riff raff could bugger off.” I’m paraphrasing.

That night the farmer told his family about the cooky Hollywood director. The farmer’s son (more hip to the fantasy fiction culture) saw LotR’s dollar sign potential and called his dad a “daft sod.” Dad called Jackson the next day and the rest is history.

EXCEPT NOT! After LotR finished filming, they tore the set down! The first trilogy wrapped up in 2003, and without further need for Hobbit holes, the farmer took his land back. Great. Except he was missing out on a huge tourist opportunity.

Luck again saved our fortuitous farmer friend though, as LotR was so successful that Jackson pursued a second trilogy, The Hobbit. The filmset was built back up, but this time, they didn’t tear ‘nuffin down after filming. Instead, they put up a sign that read “Nerds welcome,” and the tourist crowds came in droves. Our group included.

The set is genuinely a fairy tale. What used to be open farmland is now truly Hobbiton, with 39 (!) intricately detailed homes, each etched with hints of the occupant’s occupation. Florist, baker, village drunk. Led by fanatical Phil, we paraded through “precious” pathways (alliterative Golem reference), trying our luck at hobbit games like stilts, and quenching our thirst with brewed-on-site beverages.

The fairy tale hamlet was buzzing and jovial, but we had to get a move on because that night’s AirBnB was about two hours south.

The drive a stark contrast to Hobbiton as it included almost zero humans. I mean that in two ways: there was both a lack of civilization, and also everyone in the car fell asleep during my turn to drive. Daniel & Jorge were the only ones to keep me company, and they rambled on about small-talk-topics like whether the universe is random or chaotic.

Shockingly, we came across a small town closer to our AirBnB. Thank god because we’d finished all the car ride CookieTimes and I was hungry. There appeared to be only one restaurant in this town, and its name was Rust — not the most appealing description. With few alternatives, we shot our shot and the meal was a massive success. Massive is the key descriptor. These burgers needed a butchers knife to stay upright.

It was necessary sustenance though, as our hike the next day, the Tongariro Crossing, required all the energy we could muster (mustard? Burger pun? ...I’m tired and writing this from a 24 hr plane ride to London).

For a bit of extra energy, we slept-in the next morning and took our time with a tasty fried egg breakfast courtesy of Chef Pete. Unfortunately this slower start created a new risk. See, Tongariro is a 19 km one-way hike: you park at the trail-end, then take a shuttle up to the start. However, because it’s such a long hike, most trekkers start early so the shuttle only runs from 5 AM to 10 AM. We pulled into the lot at 10:08. Ohhhhh, pickles.

Luckily there was a man wearing an orange construction vest. He looked official, like a park ranger, but honestly he could’ve been anyone. We asked him if he knew a way to get back to the trailhead, and because he had a truck, asked if he could give us a ride. I don’t want to give this guy too much credit because I’m sure he’s perfected this with hundreds of sleepy-headed tourists, but the savvy SOB responded “You got cash?” Goodonya mate. This burly Maori man is in the middle of nowhere New Zealand, and he’s created his very own Uber for Idiots Who Slept In. I’m immediately recommending him to EY’s Entrepeneur of the Year program.

“Joe”, as he introduced himself, was actually a really nice guy. He offered to pull over for pictures, asked if we needed any sunscreen, and even told us about his family. He was proud that his eldest daughter had just shot three deer... which means he has guns... which means we weren’t pulling over for any pictures... actually we just want to get out of Joe’s truck asap.

The ride was quite long (30 minutes), so upon safe delivery, we thought we were being generous when we offered 40 AUD to Joerotorua (we were skeptical of his white person name so made up our own). Joe really had us by the balls when he responded “That’s all?” We played dumb, sheepishly smiled, and quickly exited.

Woo. I joke about Joerotorua, but he actually saved us. Our day could’ve been seriously sidetracked if he hadn’t helped-a-Hobbit out. Thanks to his entrepreneurial venture though, we ended up right where we needed to be: the Tongariro Crossing trailhead.

Now, Tongariro was actually a tough fit into our initial itinerary. When planning, we struggled to justify forcing this out-of-the-way hike into an already packed agenda... I mean, we’d already been to Poor Knight’s, Waitomo Glow Worm Caves, and Hobbiton. Was it really worth it? Let’s have a Googl-WE’RE GOING! It took about two Google images to realize this other worldly landscape was a must-do.

And so we set off, taking our first steps into the 19.4 km trek. The payoff was essentially immediate. Within the first few Ks, we were navigating towns of bizarre lava formations, trekking through Martian deltas under LotR’s Mt Doom, and conquering what we would later find out is called The Devil’s Staircase.

We were really lucky with the weather. As I write this, I’m not sure I even appreciate how lucky we were. Spoiled brat. This particular weekend, the traditionally hit or miss North Island was hit by and Aussie Heatwave (and I don’t just mean my sexy mid-length socks *wink*). But seriously, it was hot. 90 degrees. No shelter or shade. Walking on an active volcano. Like a desert mirage, the horizon shimmered into a sweltering haze.

Like Frodo and the Fellowship, we fought the dark powers of Mt Doom’s incline before reaching the trail’s saddle. From here, the 360 degree views were unbelievable. I specifically remember looking out at the perfect desolate symmetry of Mt Doom and thinking “This is crazy.” The I turned 180 degrees to see the otherworldly colors of an exploded volcanic crater and thought: “THIS is crazy!” Then I walked 100 yards to find sulfuric steam rising from emerald lakes located between Martian lava fields and I thought: “EVERYTHING is crazy!”

We stopped for some epic-LotR journey footage on Pete & Megan’s drone (aka Charles Lindbergh), before enjoying potentially the most picturesque picnic of my life. In terms of hard grades, the views were and absolutely unbeatable A+. Our entertainment was also 10/10: a super friendly Kiwi who showed us how to quickly descend the scree via skip (we called it the “graceful little prance”... or was it “graceful little prince”. It works either way). The only F grade: a sulfuric fart smell hanging in the air.

Now, Poor Knight’s, Waitomo, and Hobbiton (+ Dotty’s animal farm) all exceeded expectations. They were dope, but it was this track, the late add to the itinerary, Tongariro Crossing, that I’ll remember most from the North Island.

Mt Doom and our 19km hike through Mordor was truly a full-day activity. Following our eight hours on the trail, we had a two hour drive to our final stop of the trip, Rotorua (yes, of “Joerotorua”). By the time we arrived, the only sensible option was a second round of Maccas. Imagine how badly Frodo and Samwise would’ve wanted a CookieTime McFlurry after their own hike through Mordor.

We passed out *herd* (Chelsay saying “hard” in her hood voice) that night, but were surprising spry the next morning. It was our last day on the North Island, and Rotorua (aka RotoVegas... that’s not a joke) had plenty to offer.

We had three options for the day. First, street luge. Yerp. Second, redwoods. Yerp. Third, geothermal hotspots. Ehhhh. We decided to pass given we’d endured enough fart smells at Tongariro (...I’m also pretty sure Joerotorua let a rage-one rip after we shorted him with 40 AUD). Anyway, we decided to focus on the first two picks.

Stop one was the famous Rotorua Street Luge. This place was another adult playground... I’m surprised Queenstown didn’t have a street luge. Oh wait, they did? Makes sense. But the Rotorua version is bigger and better!

We decided one run wouldn’t be enough, so signed up for three. For the first luge, we went conservative in the intermediate lane. It was good getting a feel for the track, but once we’d raced to the bottom, we were ready for Expert.

It was here that our group became known to the locals. They started calling us the “Bomb Squad”... (They didn’t, but I’m retroactively adding it). Our four-person havoc wreaking, hell raising, Harry Potter magic riff raff group bombed down the track as we passed far more conservative Chinese tourists and liberally braking/highly offended families. They’ll forever remember the Bomb Squad. A couple other notes from the luge:

You actually go quite fast (up to 30 mph), and the Expert track dips to help you power through turns.

My stomach flipped a little as I pulled two wheels off the ground on one particularly hard turn.

I’m not sure Chelsay applied her brakes. Like, not once.

Like the real Vegas, RotoVegas was toasty, so our next stop was a welcomed reprieve: Rotorua’s redwood forests. After stepping out of the car to the parking lot’s sulfuric smell, we escaped from both the fart scent and the sun into the pine-y shade of the redwoods. It was here that we were able to reflect on what and action-packed four days it had been.

I’ve always said that the sign of a great trip is the ability to point to a memorable activity from each day. Well, damn. One day we went scuba diving in one of the top dive sites in the entire world, spotting horn-tailed sting rays and even hornier-tailed dive instructors. The next day we explored a seemingly fake glow worm cave, followed by a visit to a seemingly real-life Hobbiton. Then we trekked through Tongariro (aka Mordor... aka Mars... aka Joerotorua’s place of business). Finally, we wrapped up with street luge and big ass trees.

This isn’t even to mention the wonderful company Chelsay and I got to share. Sure, the itinerary delivered an amazing four days, but what made this trip truly special was spending it with our mirror couple Manly fam (aka the Bomb Squad).

[spotlesseppy]

What about me?

Was watching videos on YouTube about the life of Youtubers. And how their life has changed and how they love what they do. The struggle for them to reach where they are.

And I’m just sitting here thinking to myself. What about me? What do I want? For the longest time my goal was to just move away from the toxic environment I lived in. Now that I did. I am in a much better place. I feel much happier. Many of the things I thought were normal were controlling and abusive and I am finally free!

But now that I reached the biggest goal… I am lost. I don’t know what I want. I spent most of my life hidden and trying to be free. Now that I am, I don’t know what to do. I have no goals and no aspirations. I am lost. I wish I could find something in life that I really want to do. Problem is I have no inspiration and I loose interest in projects so fast it’s sad.

Things I like and am sure of in my life : I like cheese , and potatoes . They are my favorite food. I like snails and slugs . Nudibranches are cute. I like scary videogames but I’m too scared to play them. I love reading creepypasta and scary stories, and reading scary comics.

@donut-despair is the best person ever! I would not have escaped without their help. send them all the hugs.

[thisisanalarmcall]

Our love was my womb. But our bond has been broken. And my shield is gone and my protection is taken. I am one wound, my pulsating body, suffering being... (I think this is a song to her son about a hysterectomy. Just my take. She’s pretty much an open book if you know how to read her. It’s also Black Lake- where her uterus was. My opinion). #Björk I wish I want to stay here. I wish this be enough. I wish I only love you. I wish simplicity... #Bjork Textiles & #clothing, #fashion, it’s a love. Not to wear, but to watch. I also love 🌏 and 🌈🕊🐝🦋🐋🐘🐕🐈🌲🌼🌕🌚 the world! The #earth/planet is where/wear we live. We get one #planet & many 👗👚👕👖👘👢👛Which is more important to you? #Sustainability or #Fascist #Fashionistas? Tanneries and Textile manufacturing has been a toxic chemical producer for too long, as do dry cleaners. ConspicuousConsumption, neocapitalism/late-stage capitalism, call it what you wish. This is it. This is what it looks like. The world collapses around the ‘normal’ peasants & the wealthy consume and consume with endless resources & reckless abandon. They’ve already rigged the system- the best of everything for those with the most cash. The rest of us will melt in the heat created by their carelessness. #ClimateChangeisREAL. It’s No HOAX. It’s not yet hopeless. #RESIST 🗳🌈🌊✌️💖👗not to mention the tremendous waste of ACTUAL fabrics!! Clothing that is old? I’ve made every attempt to use AMERICAN POLLUTION- will specify otherwise #Medulla #Vespertine #Biophilia #Debut #Music #TheSugarcubes #reducereuserecycle #climatechange #nudibranch #lgbtq #SelmaSongs #Post #Vulnicura #Utopia #tunicates #bastards #telegram #volta #lgbtq https://www.instagram.com/p/BqoN330H2ls/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=9pfirsdozg0z

[padi-idc-divemaster-courses]

Reasons why teaching is inspiring

Rollercoaster of life

A rollercoaster I think is an appropriate word. One of my favorite things in the world normally, the excitement, the thrill. But after everything that has so far happened this year a rollercoaster of emotions, from amazing highs to intense lows is not something that has quite the same enjoyment. At this moment I feel that I am slowly crawling my way back up. Sitting on beautiful Caribbean island right now doing what I love, teaching PADI IDC programs is certainly helping that process.

Classroom presentations….the stress!

It’s a beautiful dive center here and getting to flex my teaching muscles is always fun. The fact that I can drop off the dock at the back of the dive center into confined water really is getting spoilt. We had an intense day today with theory exams , first classroom presentations and confined water presentations to top it off. I can honestly say, without fail that the classroom presentations are by far the nerve wracking moment for so many students. Throw them in the water and it’s a breeze. Stand them in front of a classroom of fellow students to read aloud and you are suddenly faced with sweaty palms, shaking hands and stuttering. No one likes public speaking.

You could be a teacher…

You are on your way to PADI Divemaster, maybe already thinking about instructor. Scuba diving is what you love. Being in the water. Blowing bubbles. How amazing. The fact that you are becoming a “teacher’ doesn’t actually cross your mind. It didn’t mine. ” I could never be a teacher!” was something I distinctly remember saying one day. It wasn’t until I was one year into being a scuba instructor that it dawned on me! Call me a muppet if you will but standing in a primary school classroom teaching kids is what I envision for teachers. Not floating in water blowing bubbles.

The rewards

Teachin Open water in Costa Rica

Being a teacher is an amazingly rewarding job. Nerve wracking yes, mentally draining,….can be.  Inspiring? For sure! With scuba diving for starters you have an advantage. People come to you because they “want to learn”. The majority of students at least. It’s harder to inspire when it’s a subject that they may dread. For example maths!! Then, your classroom is the ocean. Your teaching assistants are fish. These are just some of the amazing reasons.

So, why consider teaching?

So, thinking about inspiration, here’s my thoughts on why you should consider teaching.

You can transform lives

You as an educator have the potential to transform someones life. By teaching them scuba, you could be helping them achieve a life long goal. You could be building up their confidence. Inspiring them to take on new challenges in all aspects of their life. With adaptive teaching this can be even more apparent. Crossing a hurdle that they never thought they could accomplish, both mentally and physically. 

You can be creative

Teaching is about being creative. Not everyone learns in the same way.  You have to adapt and be creative to find the way that works for the person. Thinking outside the box is a something that occurs regularly and it is fun to do. It is about you as the instructor adapting to what the student needs in a fun and creative way.

You can share your enthusiasm and passion for something

My guess is that you are a scuba diver because you enjoy exploring the ocean. You are passionate about it and what to scream it to the world. As a instructor you can do that even more. With the students divers that come to you, you can talk about all aspects of the underwater world that inspire you. Pass on your passion. Inspire them. It’s addictive. Introduce them to things that they never even thought about. The excitement of finding a nudibranch, the territoriality of the damsel fish. There is so much more to the underwater world than they realize!

You are learning too

With every new class and student I learn something new. It may be a new way to demonstrate a skill, it may be a fact about fish you didn’t know.  One of the most important attributes of an instructor is to be humble. Open your mind to learning from your students and accept that we are all human and we make mistakes. Admit it when you do and learn when you can. Your students will respect you for it.

Have I convinced you?

I hope so. Teaching is certainly an inspiring job on so many levels and allows you to grow as a person. Want to share your passions? Then maybe it is something you should consider. You will be amazed by what you can achieve and help others to do so. After my whirlwind of a month, the inspiration and joy that I feel from inspiring new scuba instructors is welcome. I hope it will do the same for you.

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[wayneooverton]

The best natural wonders of the Whitsunday Islands

Australia has no shortage of spectacular locations, and the stunning beaches and islands of Queensland is no exception. With the colorful Great Barrier Reef sparkling along the coast, with a collection of 74 tropical islands, the Whitsundays need to be on your travel wish list.

Here the natural wonders of Australia converge to produce one of the most beautiful regions in the world with reef, rainforest, beaches and islands…what more could you want?!

Located off the coast of North Queensland, Australia, the Whitsundays rest in the Coral Sea. There are so many things to experience, especially if you’re a big fan of the underwater world. If you love being by beautiful beaches and sea, this is the place for you. 

Besides, I’m pretty sure the Great Barrier Reef is on everyone’s bucketlists, am I right?

The majority of the islands that make up the Whitsundays are uninhabited, while the mainland area is Airlie Beach (pronounced air-lee) where you can catch boats out to the islands, tours, book activities, and party like there’s no tomorrow.

The gateway to the Great Barrier Reef, you can opt to base yourself on the mainland or on one of the islands such as Hamilton Island, which has its own airport along with a number of accommodation types to choose between. Only five of the islands have resorts. 

The main thing you’ll need to look into is where you want to go and how you’re going to get there.

15 photos from the Whitsundays that convinced me it’s paradise on earth

Having lived in, worked and explored the Whitsundays for six years, I’ve finally compiled a list of my favorite natural wonders for you. These are must visits on any trip to the Whitsundays. 

1. The Heart Reef

It’s like mother nature herself carved this beauty with her own hands.

A coral reef that’s shaped like a heart…this is the kind of thing that makes you realize how amazing the world really is.

You’ll find the Heart Reef located within the Hardy Reef lagoon, about 30mins by helicopter from Airlie Beach or 2hours by boat. The only way to really see Heart Reef is from above either in a seaplane or helicopter because at water level, it looks just like any normal reef.

Because it’s located within the lagoon, it’s actually nearly impossible to reach with a boat, so if you’re hoping to witness this natural marvel, take a scenic flight to ensure you get a great view!

If you’re keen to snap some great shots, read my guide to ‘Photographing Aerials of the Great Barrier Reef’ to see some setting tips and advice on the best time to visit.

Quick tip: Mid-morning flights are best to ensure you don’t get the afternoon glare beaming off the water and ruining the colors!

2. Bait Reef

Known as one of the best places to dive on the Great Barrier Reef, Bait Reef is where the underwater world comes to life. Schools of fish, manta rays and sea turtles will greet you in one of the most pristine sections of the reef.

Located west of Hardy Reef, where the main tourist boats go, Bait Reef is home to abundant coral gardens with underwater canyons hiding colorful nudibranchs, Lion Fish and many more exotic species of marine life.

The visibility at Bait Reef is known to be near the best in the region and if you happen to be diving or snorkeling here between May and October, you could also get lucky and have whales swim by or hear them singing underwater.

Access to Bait Reef is via charter boat from Airlie Beach, be sure to check local operators for day trips.

3. Whitehaven Beach

Where sandy swirls meet teal seas in a natural melting pot of beach beauty. Whitehaven Beach is stunning!

A regular on the ‘best beaches around the world’ lists, Whitehaven dazzles with it’s pure white silica sands, meaning the beach is almost glowing under the full tropical sunshine. 98% silica, the sand squeaks when you walk on it, and you’ll be finding it amongst your stuff for weeks afterwards. 

Stretching for 7km, the beach is located on Whitsunday Island, the biggest of the 74 islands scattered around the Whitsunday group. At the northern end of the beach is where you’ll find Hill Inlet, one of the most photographed places in Australia!

You can access Whitehaven Beach via day cruise, private boat, helicopter or seaplane…there’s no shortage of ways to get here but of course, seeing this wonder from the air is truly spectacular.

Read more – Photographing Australia’s Natural Wonder – Whitehaven Beach

4. Langford Island

A thin strip of sand stretches out from a tiny island, appearing like the perfect place for Johnny Depp to show up as Captain Jack Sparrow with his pirate ship.

Reef wraps around the sand spit and turtles pop their heads up as they float up and down in the shallow waters of the lagoon.

If you’re looking for the ideal picnic location, this is it. Take an umbrella, beach towel and yummy treats then set yourself up for one of the best beach days you’ll ever have.

To reach Langford Island you can hire a yacht and moor it at one of the provided anchorages but beware, space is limited and because of the reef it’s difficult to simply anchor here. Some day cruises from Airlie Beach will stop here to snorkel too or there are the multi-day boats and yacht tours which anchor overnight in the nearby Stonehaven.

5. Blue Pearl Bay

If the idea of taking a two-hour boat trip to the outer reef is already causing you to feel seasick, then Blue Pearl Bay is the place for you.

In fact, having snorkeled and dived at both locations numerous times, I have to say I still think Blue Pearl Bay is my favorite reef in the Whitsundays. Giant coral bombies (coral outcrops) lay just a short swim from the rocky shoreline and the amount of fish in the bay is incredible!

Blue Pearl Bay is located on the northern side of Hayman Island, the northern most island in the Whitsundays. It’s protected from strong southerly winds and has a beautiful mountainous backdrop with pine trees and boulders.

One of the best things about Blue Pearl Bay is Priscilla. She’s a big, beautiful Maori Wrasse that lurks the depths of the bay, appearing to say hello to snorkelers and divers…sometimes even pushing for a pat. If you see her, don’t be scared by her appearance, she might be a little intimidating but just think of her as a friendly puppy dog of the sea.

6. Chance Bay

A shallow, sandy bay that’s difficult to anchor in and not really close to any of the major sights. BUT…if you’re flying from Whitehaven Beach back to Hamilton Island, be sure to keep your eyes peeled out the window.

Chance Bay is quite the haven for marine life, in particular sharks and sting rays that feed in the shallow waters.

Tucked into the southern side of Whitsunday Island, the same island with the dreamy Whitehaven Beach, Chance Bay is best seen at low tide when the sand patterns and of course feeding time is happening.

On one of my trips above Chance Bay I was lucky enough to photograph this scene below with sharks and rays feeding together…so crazy!

Have you been to the Whitsundays or the Great Barrier Reef? Is it high on your bucketlist? Share!

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