#I am not kidding when I said I begun to hate making fanart

[lumilasi]

You can tell (or well, I can tell) I was struggling badly writing Shadowed Pages before its Hiatus. The amount of random, more eye grating typos is higher than average lmao

I legitimately considered just deleting the fic at the time, but chose to put it on Hiatus instead as I wasn't sure if I genuinely disliked it, or if it was fandom burnout.

(At the time it was real bad, and to be frank....I actually lowkey hated making fanart, which was why I took a complete break from it for a while. The break's still kinda ongoing tbh, but I've been getting more motivated to include it in my art again, just no longer as the only thing I do obvs. Clearly drawing the same thing over and over for years isn't gonna last lol)

I recently reread the fic and yeah, it was probably burnout since I do actually like the plot still it turns out; Idk when I'll get back to that one, but at least its no longer under threat of being deleted so, progress lol

[glitterysummerkitty]

Kit Harington

Sources- http://www.fanpop.com/clubs/kit-harington/images/38481527/title/kit-harington-fanart

http://dakotamayijohnson.co.vu/post/118138003214/dakota-johnson-as-lindsey-cyr-in-black

Taken from- Giphy.com

Kit Hrington One Shot (AU)

Pairing- Kit Harington x Dakota Johnson

Warning(s)- None

       Two ominous blue lines stared back at her as she sat huddled next to the bathtub on the cold hard tiled floor of her en- suite bathroom. Dakota closed her eyes painfully and willed them to go away. Ten months ago, when it had all started, she would have had to go through the instructions once again to make sure what those lines meant but now she no longer needed to. In fact, in a sad case of irony, she could now tell which brand used which colour to determine the positivity of the situation and this one screamed a big disappointing failure, just like the previous ones.

      Disappointment, dejection, anger swirled together in her heart like a giant tornedo about to rip everything in its way but Dakota sat still and tried to focus on her breathing instead. She needed to stay calm, she needed to stay in control of her wild riding emotions. If not for, for Kit at least.

      Kit had been very laid back and supportive of her through the whole thing but she could see it in his eyes. Over the course of their relationship she had learnt how, no matter what Kit said or tried to show, his deep brown pensive eyes, always gave away his deepest thoughts and feelings. These days every time the topic of having a child of their own came up, which was more often than not and sometimes they even spoke only of that, she could read the despair beginning to gather in his heart behind all those optimism he usually portrayed.

      She wanted to break, she wanted to weep, give in to the despair that has been looming over her head for weeks now but she also wanted to be strong. She wanted to be strong for Kit, if not for herself. With the palm of her hands she swiped away the tears that had leaked and rolled off her pale cheeks.

      She walked back into the bedroom and searched for her phone instantly. Dakota had a few days off before starting off her new project, which she had decided to spend in London with Kit. While this was convenient for Kit and a good change for her, it also meant that she was miles away from her parents, which was a bit annoying since all she really needed right now was to be wrapped in her mama’s comforting and warm hug. There was nothing in this world that gave her as much comfort as her mama’s hug.

      She speed dialled her mom’s number and just at the end of the third ring she heard her mother’s smooth voice effortlessly transmitted across the ocean as if she were here, next to her.

“Hey mama... I hope I didn’t catch you at a bad time.”, she said and then but her lips hard, remembering too late that in her state of mind she hadn’t even thought to stop and check what time it would be in the east coast of the States.

      Melanie shoved all these disquieting thoughts away from Dakota’s mind in a flick by saying, “Sshh... It’s never a bad time for you to call me Mayi and you know that.”

      There it was. Dakota’s bottom lip quivered as she tried hard from the dam breaking open. It was the way her mom had said ‘Mayi’. It was soft, reprimanding even, but it held so much endearment. She wished she could reach out and allow her to hold in her arms. Suddenly Dakota thought if it had been a bad decision to talk to her mother.

“I... It...”, Dakota sighed and tried to push the words past the mass that seemed to be stuck in her throat. She swallowed heavily. It hurt. Closing her eyes she tried again, “Mama it was negative... Again.”

      Her voice wavered at the end put Dakota refused her emotions to reflect in the voice. She knew it was pointless but she had to be strong for Kit, she reminded herself.

“Oh Mayi.”, she heard let out a loud breath and could envision the slight sorrowful shake of her head as she thought about what to say. Dakota bit on her lower lip again, bracing herself for whatever it was her mama was thinking of telling her. But what Melanie asked was something Dakota hadn’t expected at all.

“What did your new gynaecologist have to say about the reports?”, she asked calmly.

“The same thing as the previous one.”, Dakota mumbled as she recollected the enormous number of tests she had put herself through despite everyone’s objection. Kit had been trying for nearly a year now, ten months to be exact, if there was no problem then she should have conceived by now right? Yet all everybody advised was to take it easy, to relax, and to wait, to not worry. But Dakota couldn’t do any of those even if she wanted to.

“Mayi. If the doctors from America and England both agree that there is nothing wrong with either of you then I think you should listen to them. They know what they are saying.”, Melanie sighed tiredly. She hated seeing her daughter put herself through this.

“Then why am I not pregnant? Why do I keep getting disappointed?”, she nearly yelled into the phone. She had not meant to but all the frustration she had shoved into her heart had begun making it’s way back into her veins.

      She heard another sigh and her mother attempting to quell her but she cut her out, “I am sorry mom. Kit’s home. I call you later.” With that she disconnected the call and looked up to see Kit walking into the bedroom.

      He gave her a tired smile which she tries to return but failed miserably. She could see it on his face, in his posture that he had had a really long hard day and cringed a little on the inside. She was about to deliver him another bad news.

      Dakota snapped out of her thoughts when she felt a rather soft and plump lips on her own. Caught in surprise she remained unmoving but soon reciprocated.

      She didn’t reciprocate as well as Kit would have liked. The way she kissed him back told him several things that he didn’t like at all. He pulled away and without saying anything stormed towards their en- suite bathroom. Once inside he locked the door and tore away the clothes. Standing under the cool jets of water he tried his level best to not get angry. It was a really hard day and the last thing he wanted was to confront about things that was beyond mortal control.

      God knew that he wanted to start a family with the love of his life but he also knew that he would have to allow things to happen in it’s own course. After consulting with Dakota’s gynaecologist, another one whom Melanie had recommended and lastly with the gynaecologist that his mother had recommended, who all had to say that nothing was wrong, Kit was sure that they just needed to give it time.

      But Dakota didn’t seem to get this and it hurt him to see her suffer this way. Come every month he would have to witness her getting crushed beneath disappointment, from broken hopes, and turn miserable. Each time he saw her broken it made him feel worse. He absolutely didn’t know how to how to deal with the situation, to help her see that it was alright if it was taking time.

      Pulling a fresh towel from the rack he proceeded to dry himself when he noticed the trash bin in the corner of the bathroom. It was a simple bin, nothing eye- catching but today it seemed to pull his attention simply because of the way it was overstuffed with boxes, threatening to spill out.

      He felt his tense shoulders slouch with weight of knowledge. Dakota had surely had her hopes shattered once again today. As he slowly wrapped the towel around his waist, he watched the door forebodingly. Although he would never dare to give the thought any space in the conscious realm, there was a small part of him that wished he had not come home tonight.

      He pushed open the door and found Dakota seated in the same spot. It seemed like she had not moved a muscle since he went in. Taking in a deep breath to cleanse his mind he headed to the walk in closet. He watched her from the corner of her eye, recognising the broken look on her face. It was more intense than the last time and why not. Each month they failed to conceive it became harder and harder for her to bear the pain of disappointment.

      He walked out and simultaneously raised his hands to wear his t- shirt when he heard her voice. It was filled with so much self- loathing and despondency that it punched his heart hard leaving a void in it’s place.

“I took some tests today. Guess what. I am not pregnant.”, she said, her voice barely above a whisper.

“I saw the boxes in there.”, he cocked his head towards the bathroom but still refused to look at her. He sat on the edge of the bed on the opposite side to where she was seated and picked up his phone. Just when he thought he could end his day he noticed that there were couple of mails that needed his immediate attention.

“Aren’t you going to say something?”, she whispered from across the king size bed and pulled her legs further into her chest. Kit had his back towards her and his nose dug into his phone. Her eyes trailed from his wet hair to his arms to the space between them. A distance was born between them, the realisation of which sent a chilling sensation down her spine.

“What’s there to say darling? We will keep trying.”, he mumbled in a heavy voice.

“Ya. We will keep trying.”, she mumbled lightly, trying little to keep sarcasm away from her voice but nevertheless Kit had heard it but pretended to ignore. No one had raised their voice yet but he could feel a negative atmosphere invade their space and he didn’t want to start a conversation.

      She knew he had heard him and watched him keenly for a reaction but when he gave none she felt the tornedo sell within the fleshy mass of muscle. With every lub and every dub it grew.

“Maybe I am not cut out to be a mother. Maybe this is nature’s way of telling me that I am not fit to carry our--”

“Dakota! Why are you saying all these things?”, Kit exasperated.

“—Kids or care for them.”, she went on ignoring his question, “I think those people out there are right.”

“Would you stop?”, Kit ran a hand through his wet hair and nearly slammed the phone on the bed side table.

“I am just a huge failure. Probably I deserve this.”

“Stop! Alright! Please just stop! This isn’t your fault.”, Kit could feel the heat fill the void in his heart. It hurt, it burnt him. He wanted to see her smile, he wanted to see her laugh, he wanted to hear her chatter away non- stop about her day, he wanted her to make those silly faces at him that always made him laugh and most of all he wanted to see her happy. It hurt him too much to see her wallowing in despair.

      He paced the length of the room trying to think of the right words without losing his temper.

“You know what? You don’t need a loser like me with you.”, Dakota said in a strangled voice.

      He was angry. She could see that. She watched him walk from one end to the other, his face furious. On a good day Kit hated confrontations and today wasn’t even a good day. She knew she was pushing it. The lump in her throat swelled and it pained even more. Her breath became shorter and the tightness in her chest increased.

“What are you saying?”, she noticed that he had stopped pacing and was finally looking at her. His voice was hoarse and it twisted her heart.

“That you deserve to be with someone better than be with a pathetic loser as me.”, the moment the words left she chewed on her lip. A small voice inside of her kept telling her that she was being irrational and although she agreed she couldn’t do anything about it. Her overcoming feelings had overrode rationality.

“Is that what you think?”, his voice had become eerie.

“Yes.”

“So that’s it then? The first trouble you see you want to drop the ball on us?”, he scoffed.

      Dakota pulled her gaze away from Kit’s beautiful face, which held a disbelieving look at the moment, and began playing with her fingers.

“You want the truth right? Well do you have the courage to hear it then?”, he asked, his voice raising with every word.

“Yes.”

“Well then listen to me and I want you to look me in the eye when you are talking.”, he yelled. Dakota flinched but kept her gaze low.

      Kit marched towards her and wrapped his fingers around her cheeks and forced her to look up. Fear and doubt shone through her blue orbs and it made him want to weep. Once they had held so much life and mischief, but all those had been draining slowly in the past few months.

“The fact that you couldn’t conceive in the time frame you have established doesn’t make you a failure but the fact that you are willing to give up on us most definitely makes you one. Think about it Dakota. Do you think I enjoy seeing you like this? We get to see each other hardly and in the time that we do get all we ever discuss is this. We never talk about anything else. Is our love only about that?

“I want to start a family with you as soon as possible and we are trying. It will happen when it has to happen but I also don’t want to spend every waking moment anticipating and worrying about it.

“Have I ever made you feel like I am disappointed in you? Or that I am breaking inside because we haven’t succeeded in getting pregnant yet?”

“No. But I can see it in your eyes.”, her eyes filled with tears and her lips quivered.

“Darling the pain and suffering you see in my eyes are for you and you only. I know that everything is going to be alright. But seeing you like this. I don’t know what to do. I really don’t.”, Kit brushed his thumb against her quivering lips. She looked so fragile and lost and for some reason it made him feel weak.

      Dakota let out a gut wrenching sob before letting her head fall onto his chest. Kit caught her and pulled her into a tight hug. In a matter of seconds he could feel her tears pierce the fabric and seep into his skin.

      For a long time he did nothing but hold her. Minutes passed before she finally calmed down yet continued to hold her against his chest and stroked her dark brown hair soothingly.

“I met mom for lunch.”, Kit finally decided to break the stifling silence. He knew that Dakota breaking down didn’t mean her emotional vows had dissipated magically.

“I know. You told me that you were going to meet her today.”, she mumbled against his chest.

“I did, didn’t I?”, he mused before adding, “She gave us tickets to Aix- les- Bains. What do you say to watching some lake water fowls and raptors? We can also do some water skiing, diving, skinny dipping, kayaking, paddle boating, then we can admire some art at Musée Faure, strolls on the shore of Lac du Bourget, mountain biking and definitely enjoy the thermal baths and the spas.”

      Dakota sniffed and looked up at him. He looked tired but hopeful. Deborah’s ploy was crystal clear. Their latest doctor had suggested a relaxing vacation as one of the solutions for their predicament.

“We will be there for how long?”, she sniffed.

“Three weeks at the most.”, he answered. Dakota chewed on her lip as she contemplated. She looked away and then looked back at her man. His words had helped her rational mind to take over and put things in perspective. She was still anxious but she was no longer desperate. Their relation was much more and couldn’t allow herself to mess it up. She would move mountains and oceans for him if she could to keep him happy. Films schedules were nothing.

“Can you make it four weeks?”, she asked with a small smile and a hint of mischief in her eyes. Kit grinned and that was all the answer she needed.

[franeridart]

But he isn't dabbing

smh at u anon Dabi’s constantly dabbing in his soul, it’s, like, an intrinsecal state of being, a neverending condition of his spirit, don’t doubt the dab in him why do you think he picked that villain name the fact that it’s the word for cremation is pure coincidence tbh

Anon said:aaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh my fav artist drew my fav boy my day couldn't have started any betterr, BLESS UR SOUL AND THANK YOU FOR THE DAB

Anon said: hOLY SMOKES YOUR DABI IS A+++++ and I would die for his shoes

GLAD YOU LIKED HIM!!!! 

Anon said: I just wanna say I really love your art? I know u get it a lot n stuff but like i love ur art style,it's so unique and ur colouring style is so pretty too. Your shippy art is just so wholesome and pure. And your poly art is a godsend a and the best portrayals I've EVER seen of poly ships in fandom. Bless u. Bless u for ur contribution to the fandom. Bless u for ur existence. Also i ask if it's weird that i kinda ship fatgum and rappa, i just really like rappa and don't wanna see him goooo

Thank you so much oh my gods ;A; this is!!!!! such a great nice ask I’m cry ;A; and also I dunno if it’s weird to ship them but if it’s weird I guess we can be weird together hi hello to the club here’s some good art for them I found on my dash yesterday and cried over

Anon said:A powerboat traveling at 24 km/hr relative to the water has a compass heading of 95°. A strong tidal current, with a heading of 35°, is flowing at 12 km/hr. Find the resultant velocity.

If you’re looking for physics answers anon you came to the worst place you could pick numbers and formulae are my worst enemy

Anon said:Hello!!! I just wanted to say that I absolutely L O V E your art!! It's simple but yet so pretty and unique and I just???!?! I just get happy whenever you post something and it really inspires me to draw too! I hope you have a great day!!!

THANK YOU!!!! HOLY SMOKES!!!!!!!! *O*

Anon said:I'll try to make this quick but, okay ever since I started following your Tumblr which was like about a year ago I originally did bc of Haikyuu and way before season 2 came out I begun watching bhna from seeing your fanart and talks about it, since then I never regretted it and I love this anime so so much I even continued reading the mangas when updated and everything and i've even gotten some friends into bc of you and I really wanted thank you for basically introducing bnha to me ily ❤❤

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I’m glad!!!!!!! Oh my god!!!!!!!! I hope you’ll keep on enjoying it for a long long time and make even more friends in the fandom, anon!!!!!!

Anon said:I was wondering if I could draw bakushima's children, Mako and taiyou? I thought they were super cute... credit for the characters will go to you of course!

SURE!! As long as you don’t change the designs and link back to me it’s more than fine!!!!! Thanks for liking them *O*

Anon said:Aizawa canonically had a bowl cut as a child I'm ehebdjd and I thought you needed to know this if you didn't already

I’VE SEEN IT I JUST. CAN’T DEAL. G O D. I think the Tokoyami part might be just speculation by the other 1A kids, I’m not sure, but Aizawa. W h y.

Anon said: Hello! I was wondering; how did you feel the first time you posted your art online? Were you really nervous about it? If you were, how did you get the courage to do it anyway? Sorry for all the questions, but I'm currently in a situation where I really want to share my art with people but am too scared to do it. I feel like my art might not be "good enough" to share with people online, or that people will hate on my art/ideas and call them "cringey".

Ah, the first time I posted my art online I was... between fourteen and fifteen and it was on a really small community made of people who were just learning to draw, like I was, so it wasn’t nerve-wrecking for me since I sort of eased into the whole “letting the world see my crappy art” thing, which means I can’t help with that specifically orz

What I can tell you tho is this: 90% of what I post I look at it and I’m like “w h y am I posting this” and “I’m the only one who’ll enjoy this” and “...man this is so fucking embarrassing” and so on. It’s nervewrecking and, uh, it’s that sort of feeling that doesn’t really ever go away completely - I have some comics that randomly come back around in my activities and I just sit there feeling incredibly ashamed I posted them to begin with and also wondering why people like it at all. 

So here’s how it is, some things, mostly the self-indulget ones, are gonna feel weird to share because you feel like no one aside from you is gonna enjoy them, and because they keep a part of yourself in them you might be scared people won’t like, and that’s normal, and it’s okay. Through personal experience, I can tell you that in most cases you’ll manage to find someone who’ll love what you drew and will think “OH BOI exactly what I’ve been waiting to see god bless!!”, but believing this regarding your own art might be hard until you start posting and see it happen, and that’s okay too. If it doesn’t happen, and people actually don’t like your ideas, that’s okay too - mostly, you make art for yourself, because you love it and it makes you happy, and as long as it made you happy using your time to make it won’t have been a waste. And if the lack of response is too much to bare, you can always just stop posting! No one is saying that once you start you gotta keep at it! It’s your art, you do with it what you want!

But you won’t know what people’s reactions to your art will be until you start posting it - so take a deep breath, feel nervous as hell, post it anyway. Wait a week. If after that you’ll still feel like posting it was a mistake, take it down. It’s not a definitive decision, you’re free to go back on it whenever - I’m sure it won’t be as bad as you’re thinking right now, though!

[clarahue]

What TV has meant to me:

I grew up not too rich, but defiantly not poor. I had box of a TV, and a few VHS’s. When I was I younger TV wasn’t a big thing for me. Sure I woke up early in the morning to watch kids cartoon, and my sister and I hated it when my mother forced us to stop watching TV on a lazy summer’s day. But I had never been invested into TV. Well that was all about to change the summer before I went off to high school.

This is what TV has meant of me (Under the cut cause it’s long, some spoilers):

Special thanks to one of my sister’s numerous ex-boyfriends, I have long since forgotten your name by now, but thanks. It was the summer of 2012, I had just graduated grade eight and was going to high school in the fall. The Avengers movie had just come out, and my local blockbuster had just been shut down (something I had been rather upset about). I had started going to the library near my house to get movies almost once a week. I had fallen in love with the Avengers movie, I had not seen any Marvel movies before and so I had begun to watch those all the Marvel movies. I learned everything I could about the Marvel characters. My family had just gotten Netflix and I began watching all of the Marvel cartoons on Netflix. My obsession for Marvel and comic books had just began. My sister’s boyfriend at the time had transferred some movies and TV shows onto a USB for us to watch. He had put a number of Marvel movies on there for me. He had wanted my sister to watch Doctor Who, so that was on the USB as well, along with the show Once Upon a Time.

I guess I’ll start with a quick rundown of Doctor Who, as Once Upon a Time had a much bigger impact on my life. It had took me a little while to get into Doctor Who as at first glance It didn’t seem like a show I would like. After watching a few episodes I began to fall in love with it. I binged watched from the beginning of the reboot right up to Clara’s arrival in a matter of days. I enjoyed Doctor Who, in all of its silliness, even kick-starting my own friend’s obsession of Doctor Who. Doctor Who has, of course, become something I look forward to and I will often rewatch old episodes. There have been countless times that I have spent hours discussing Doctor Who with my friends.  

Oh Once Upon a Time (OUAT), I hate you, but if someone were to ask me if I could have never have watched OUAT, would I have done so, I would tell them never in a million years. As much as I hate the show now, it had a huge impact on my life, sometimes I think that’s sad, but honestly when I look at where I am now I could care less if it was this silly show that got me here. OUAT was everything the little girl in me had ever loved. It was pure fantasy, what my whole childhood had revolved around. I had the funny experience of accidently watching the premier of the second season first. But after I realized my mistake I was hooked instantly. I quickly picked my favourite characters, hating others. I loved the small stories the show told and how it twisted the fairy tales we knew so well. It was like they had a new twist around every corner. I don’t think that I have never freaked out more in my whole entire life as I did when I realised that Rumpelstiltskin was the beast from Beauty and the Beast. Because of the show I was rereading every fairy tale story out there. I had begun rewatching old Disney movies with my sister, ones that I had never watched before or hadn’t seen in a long time. My sister and I had never been particularly into Disney, but suddenly we were becoming children again, dreaming of going to Disney world. By this time I was going off to high school. I had taken an art class, and our final project was to put our artwork up online, my teacher had showed Tumblr and we all make a blog for our art. I asked my sister how to use the site, as being five years older than me she had been on Tumblr for a few years now. She showed me how I could follow blogs of shows that I liked, and quickly I was following every OUAT blog out there. That was how I was introduced to the world of being a fan. As I was learning how to navigate Tumblr, I was learning about ships, canons, OTP’s, and fan theories. I had even began reading fanfics, falling in love with the amazing fan art, and watching fan made videos on YouTube. I quickly began wanting to make my own stuff to honour the show I loved so dearly. I bought the DVD’s for each season of OUAT, which would be the first show my family would own on DVD. I rewatched almost every episode multiple times, I knew everything there was to know about the show. I had even kept a small book hidden underneath my couch cushions, so when I watched the episode I could write down stuff from the episodes. So maybe I had fallen fast and hard into this world, but I guess I was trying to distract myself for my life.

I went few a few rough things in my life, my parents even split up. I have always been an awkward sort of soul, who has never been particularly good at talking to people. Grade 10 rolled around and I was introduced to the people who would soon become my best friends. At first I felt awkward around them, though they were friendly and welcoming. Suddenly one day we realized that we watched a lot of the same shows. My new friends all watched both Doctor Who and OUAT. That pretty much jump started our friendship. Every Monday (the day after which OUAT aired) I looked forward to talking about the show with my friends. I loved hearing their theories about shows, as I had never been one to theorize about a show before. But soon enough I joined in on their fun. I loved talking about shows with them, I had never in my life talked this in depth about a show. It was strange but I was quite enjoying it, I was realising that I liked shows and I had a passion for them. It was around this time that my sister went to her fist Comic-con of sorts, it was a small convention, but she brought me back my first ever comic book, I was ecstatic. Though I wasn’t sure if I would be able to handle all those people I began wanting to go to my own comic-con, I wanted to dress up, and see all the fascination costumes. Most of all I wanted to meet the cast of OUAT, I dreamed of going over to Vancouver were the show is filmed. By then end of grade 10 my friends had thrown a small party where we all dressed up to watch the season three finale of OUAT.

Let me just say that this was the first time I felt comfortable around a group of friends. For the first time I felt I could be my crazy self, I finally felt like I was accepted for who I was. I had found something I loved and a group of friends who were totally awesome. It’s weird to think how we became friends through TV shows, but I wouldn’t change that for the world. My friends love to write. I had loved writing as a child, and like most kids had sometimes dreamed of being a writer. They had told me that they had written a few fanfics. Having a few stories already rolling around in my head, I figured if my friends had written fanfictions that it shouldn’t be too scary to write my own fanfiction. And so I did, telling no one I knew, for I was rather embarrassed. Writing fanfictions has become rather fun for, even though I still get really scared about posting my stories online. I enjoy writing, and I hope that I’ve gotten better over the years. I love reading other people’s stories and I especially love seeing people’s fanart, wishing I was that good.

I’ll quickly mention a few other shows that I watch. Of course having been obsessed about Marvel I was really excited to watch Marvel’s Agents of Shield and have watched the show since it first aired, I consider Agents of Shield to be one of my favourite shows. I watched Merlin, No Ordinary Family, Smallville, Leverage (another favourite), Sherlock, and Firefly. I have been watching Murdoch Mysteries since I was younger and I love the show, but honestly I’m surprised it’s lasted this long. My sister and I started watching Arrow when I was in grade nine or ten. The Flash was always on before AOS so I would catch the last few minutes, and eventually I decided to watch it as well. Halfway through the first season of Supergirl I had decided to start watching the show, and I figured I might as well start watching Legends of Tomorrow since I was watching all of the other DC shows. One of my friends had convinced me to watch The 100 sometime before season 2 had aired. I watched both Agent Carter and Galavant and was sad to see both shows cancelled. I have also began watching iZombie (has become a favourite) and Stranger Things.

Maybe I should give some background to my life, before going into the next phase of my stories. I have grown up in a Christian home, and like I have said, we didn’t watch a lot of TV. My sister was always chill about things, and I, in turn, was chill about things too. LGBTQ characters didn’t grace my screens very much. Sure there was the odd episode of Murdoch Mysteries. I think Jack from Doctor Who (and Torchwood, but I watched like two episodes) was my first introduction to a gay character. Of course Doctor Who has had a few more LGBTQ characters since. My sister watched Glee and sometimes I would watch the odd episode with her. I fell in love when Nyssa kissed Sara on Arrow and shipped them a lot. I had just started watching The 100 and I was still very much in my little bubble. I thought Lexa was pretty cool, she was badass and I thought she was very attractive. Suddenly she seemed to be staring at Clarke a little too long. I had seen those glances before, from the likes of OUAT. Glances between Emma and Regina, but I knew that was never going to happen. So I didn’t think much of this either. Lexa briefly mentioned a past female lover and I cheered internally. She and Clark held a flame together, and she asked Clarke to drink with her, and I was all “Nothing is going to come of this”. And then they kissed, and I freaked out a little. I had been right, those glances were a little bit more. I had predicted this! I was ecstatic, and I totally shipped them. By this time my friend and I had started our own OUAT blog on Tumblr. I got a little into The 100 fandom (not really though). And then suddenly it happened, Lexa died. I can’t quite remember if I already knew about Lexa’s death before hand or not. But Lexa’s on screen death didn’t affect me much, though I was kind of sad to see the character go. I soon began to see the back lash the show had caused. I had never even heard of the ‘bury you’re gays’ Trope before. But suddenly I was reading about all of the LGBTQ characters that were killed off onscreen. That reality didn’t sit well with me, and I agreed with those who began to push for a change. I too began to hope things would change.

So this past year high school ended and University began. Most of my friends had stopped watching OUAT, but I was still watching, mainly because I had committed most of my life to that show. OUAT was going downhill though (sorry those who still like the show) and watching the show almost became a chore to me. Soon enough I stopped watching and even got rid of my OUAT blog. I was pretty bummed out about the fact that I had stopped OUAT. I had committed my whole life to it. What show was now going to become my life? I was confused about life in general too. In truth I was begging to question my sexuality. I had been questioning my sexuality since high school had begun, though I didn’t think much of it as I was rather distracted with life. My sister had come out to me as bisexual when I was in grade eleven, the fact hardly fazed me. Going to University had been rather stressful for me, as I had been very scared. I waited patiently for my shows to return, to cheer me back up. Legends of Tomorrows came back for its second season with Sara as bisexual as ever, and it made me smile. I joked with my friend that Sara was my life goals, she was kick butt and she didn’t give a crap about anything (well most of the time) she was pretty chill, and not to mention kind of attractive.

Season one of Supergirl, for whatever reason hadn’t been my favourite (I’m sorry) but I had enjoyed it enough and had decided to keep watching it. I was begging to really enjoy season two, a lot more then season one. And then Maggie Sawyer walked into the scene with a smirk on her face. She seemed pretty cool, and then suddenly she was saying how she was a lesbian and I was in love with the character. Was Alex getting a little flustered around her, or was that just me? Just me probably. Well then Maggie went and held Alex’s hand, and Alex looked down at their hands. And that zoom in on Alex’s face after Maggie walked away with her girlfriend. That defiantly wasn’t me, was it? Please tell me it wasn’t just me. I hadn’t been too into the DC TV show universe, though I watched all of the shows. But suddenly I was willing to throw myself into it. After reading that the creators had intended to make one of their characters on their shows come out, it was clear to me that this was defiantly going to be Alex’s storyline. Alex coughed up her feelings about Maggie and I was smiling and cheering. It was beautiful. I was looking back on my life remembering how I had been questioning my own sexual identity was for a while now. I, like Alex was begging to remember those little moments. Every Tuesday morning (The day after Supergirl airs) I woke up early super excited to watch a new episode of Supergirl. I couldn’t wait to see more of Alex’s storyline. Could it be that I had found a new show to dedicate my life too? Well unfortunately the show quickly fell into flaws. I wasn’t enjoying it as much as I had, I was even missing the aspects from season one. I seriously hope the show fixes itself up, for I do love the show, and do still look forward to it. I mainly focus on the Sanvers moments though.

Not soon after I had moved into University did I start watching a lot of LGBTQ shows and movies (ps: I loved D.E.B.S). I’m the type of person who can’t handle anything too graphic and likes a happy ending.  I watched Netflix’s One Day at a Time, Carmilla, Faking it, Black Mirror’s episode San Junipero, and have just finished Wynonna Earp. TV shows and movies like these have given me characters that I connect with and love to see their journey. These TV shows have helped me realize who I am. Watching these TV shows I hoped that one day I could be strong and confident like the characters on the shows.

I have no clue of who I am or what I’m doing with my life. I’m just a shy girl (not very attractive) who likes plants, animals, little kid cartoons, superheroes, and basically anything positive to do with LGBTQ+ stuff. TV shows are meant to be an escape from our reality, they are meant to be a way of opening up our imagination. I am forever in owe of the creativity put into movies and TV shows. Over the years I have come to appreciate those who are truly dedicated to a fandom, and I think those people are pretty awesome. To me TV shows have always been something special. To me TV shows have been about finding who I am. Through TV shows I found some of my best friends. Through those friends I have learned to be more of myself, and I know that they will accept me no matter what. Through TV I have allowed myself to figure out who I truly am. TV reminds me that there are others like me out there, and that it’s okay to be who I am. Many shows are about people struggling to find their place in the world, and well isn’t that everyone. Sure there have been multiple times shows have let me down and I have learned that it’s okay to just give up on a show. Sometimes life is hard, but I tell myself “I have to see what happens next week on my shows”. It seems kind of horrible, but sometimes a TV show is all I need to keep myself going. I think creators realizes how much their viewers throw themselves into a show. I hope that they will be careful with shows in the future and will make them more inclusive. When I look upon how Supergirl season two started or Doctor Who’s introduction of new companion Bill, I smile to think about the world that we are living in today. I can’t wait for our future. So here’s to all the crazies, to all those who are way too obsessed with a show. I ask all of you, what have the TV shows you’ve watched meant to you?

PS: if you have anything you want to ask me I don’t mind answering :)