#I am not immune to girls who can kick my ass.

[creeperfont]

character bleed but it’s just ashley johnson thirsting after beau/marisha for the rest of time forever

[blossom-hwa]

a detailed analysis of rizz levels across pretty much every group I stan 

chip ( @wingkkun​​ ) and I had a very interesting conversation about this a couple months ago. here are the results, complete with direct citations and paraphrasing from our instagram dms. I do not take constructive criticism but I will entertain debates in my inbox. think of it as a scientific peer review

table of contents (in order): txt | seventeen | stray kids | ateez | the boyz | honorary mentions (golcha, nct, p1h, beomhan)

(disclaimer: all of this is meant in good fun and is not meant to be rude or harmful to any member I talk about. I love every one of them and in the end this is all just a joke!)

TXT.

soobin: below the charts. this man has negative infinity rizz. less rizz than me and that’s saying something bc I only ever flirt on accident if I tried to do it on purpose the world would explode. the limit of his rizz as you approach any point is negative infinity and I do not feel sorry for saying this. in the wise words of chip, “we like you bc ur ultimate cringefail (affectionate)”

taehyun: net positive rizz. I'm definitely biased but also do not argue with me I will bite your face off. the amount of rizz he has is a true problem and I am not immune to it (neither are you). he’s so cute and he’s also so hot and smart and I'm never going to shut up if I keep going so I'll stop. positive rizz. off the charts. do not @ me.

beomgyu: please refer to hoshi’s bit below. they are one and the same. beomgyu had too much rizz it was eating him alive so his body compressed and converted it (lossless compression) to another form and now he’s a chaos monster who screams for a living and oozes what remains of his original rizz onstage. we love him for it

hyuka: +10 rizz because he’s cute. no more than that because he’s an overgrown baby (affectionate). he gives me a lot of brain damage but it’s just because of his plushies and his little brother energy so I feel like he could manipulate me with his rizz but it would only go so far before I either pat his head bc he’s so cute or I punch him in the face bc of the annoying sibling energy therefore he only gets ten points

yeonjun: after going through the entirety of our conversation I realize now that chip and I forgot to diagnose the rizz levels of the fourth gen it boy so now I'm pulling some shit out of my ass. net positive but low magnitude. I give him +3. mostly because he’s got insane stage presence and has the ability to kick beomgyu in the face but he’s soooooo pathetic. possibly reading skye’s ( @warmau​​ ) thoughts about him have influenced me but he’s pathetic hence the very very low magnitude of rizz. I am not sorry

SEVENTEEN.

mingyu: rizzless. I direct you to this post I made because it’s factual and explains his horrifically low levels of rizz. do not be fooled by this man’s muscles he’s constantly screaming crying throwing up to be told he’s sexy but the second someone does tell him that he’s a blushing anime girl (affectionate) and we love him for it but he’s rizzless. negative off the charts

jun: rizzless but not in the same manner as mingyu he just does not know what rizz is. very similar to juyeon in this manner. the8 or dino have definitely tried to explain rizz to him before but he simply does not understand and does not care to. even if he did understand it I'm still not certain he’d care which gives him a lower magnitude rizz than mingyu which is better even if it’s still negative

the8: positive rizz with quite a high magnitude. I can’t quantify it but it doesn’t even matter because even though he has rizz he doesn’t use it. he’d rather tell us to stop having a parasocial relationship with people behind our little computer screens and ooze rizz via charisma on stage instead and I can respect that.

seungkwan: so much rizz. so much fucking rizz have you ever seen this man complimenting female idols on shows. have you ever seen this man tell idols they’re pretty and wonderful and beautiful in every which way without batting a damn eye and with so much earnestness I blush. cannot believe chip ever thought this man as on the same level of rizzlessness as soob smh

vernon: 0 rizz, but this does not mean he is rizzless. rizz is a spectrum and having 0 levels of it just means you are rizz neutral. purely neutral. no one has purely neutral rizz the way vernon does he’s simply so special. that one gose episode where he showed up in that rainbow hoodie with red glasses? that’s the epitome of rizz neutrality

s.coups: refer to daeyeol’s bit below. handsome. reliable. have you seen him with kkuma. I melt every time. unfortunately he is still horrifically pathetic and though we adore him for it this does unfortunately decrease his rizz levels drastically. without it he’d probably be somewhere at positive infinity but now he’s at like +8. the world knew that if coups wasn’t pathetic enough he’d be too powerful so they had to humble him.

hoshi: he doesn’t have rizz but it’s not like the nerds where their rizz levels are just buried in the negatives it’s more like the magnitude of his rizz was so high that it has since been compressed and turned into something else. so he has no rizz but it’s not because he was born pathetic, it’s because it was converted due to the law of conservation of rizz (real)

wonwoo: similar to taehyun in that they’re both very positive but slightly different. yes they are both gym rats yes they are both token introverts (sort of) but wonwoo is a gamer. their rizz is fundamentally different but they’ve evolved to be similar due to their personalities kinda like wings on bats and birds. as you can tell it’s been a while since I took biology

jeonghan: similar to lino in that he has rizz but he stole it. the difference between them is that lino has some natural organic rizz while jeonghan was born with none and stole all that he owns now. without this stolen rizz he would be a limp noodle dragging himself across the earth but now he’s a fairy. life isn’t fair

dino: negative but low magnitude. the first number I gave him was -14 I don’t really know why it was -14 specifically but the point is it’s supposed to be low magnitude. recently he began climbing my bias list and chip yesterday convinced me to change his magnitude to to something lower so I now give him -4. I am easily swayed

joshua: positive rizz in the same manner as jangjun et al. the man is fucking insane. insane charisma but also just plain insane. I'm not entirely convinced he didn’t steal some of it but while jeonghan freely admits that he stole it joshua keeps evading the question. there is a venn diagram of jangjun et al and lino et al and joshua is in the intersection

woozi: I considered an intersection between chanhee and the8 and I think woozi falls into it. perhaps I've just been gaslit into thinking he has positive rizz but let’s just roll with the thought. has some rizz like the8 (less than the8 though) but does not care to use it (like chanhee) and also doesn’t really care that it’s there. he just kinda lets it be

dk: net negative but low magnitude. I originally gave him -13 to bc I thought he was a step above dino but not by much. I still kind of think this way so I'm elevating him to -3 since dino got elevated to -4. sorry dino I think you’ll always be one step behind no matter how big of a crush I have on you

STRAY KIDS. 

lino: has rizz but in the wrong way. the man touches butts for a living AND he has cats he’s got to have some rizz hence the net positive but he also definitely stole some. please refer to my comments on this post for details he definitely does not organically have all this rizz but he’s stolen it and now it’s his you can’t ask for it back

chan: also has rizz but in the wrong way but also differently from lino. chan should not have as much rizz as he does but he’s got that “libra sun scorpio venus rizz” (chip) which makes him extremely dangerous. he’s a loser and for that I'd give him negative rizz but unfortunately he has an aura that separates him from the likes of mingyu (it’s the dilf dad energy) so he has net positive rizz of a dangerous magnitude.

jisung: we welcome another member to the ranks of the negative infinity rizz. do I even need to explain. does the anime girl babygirl pathetic cute energy not already do enough explanation for you. I should not have to spell out the fact that this man is rizzless at every point on the mathematic plane. I love him to death but that will not save him from the rizzless fate

seungmin: please refer to jangjun in the honorary mentions below. his rizz applies here. positive rizz. high magnitude. ridiculous for a man of his caliber but here we are. he’s got some weird mutant rizz and that’s all I can really say like.....what do you become when you have rizz levels +69,420. what do you fucking do. 

changbin: fluctuates between +10 and -10 like a sine curve (please refer to mingi’s bit for more information). his positive rizz is similar energy to yunho but louder and his negative rizz is just pathetic baby boy-ness. I adore him. big muscle men who are soft. I don’t have a section for wonho but if I did they’d be of very similar types. 

hyunjin: negative rizz. he’s an only child what else do I need to say. ferret energy. flails around. long limbs that he doesn’t know what to do with. so much baby girl energy I always want to laugh at him (affectionate). lovely boy so very lovely with such fucking negative rizz

felix: like jangjun and co his rizz got converted but unlike jangjun and co it was not converted to insanity. it was converted to something...... alien. idk how to explain it. asymptotic rizz, according to chip. weird behavior as x approaches infinity. I agree with this assessment. nothing earthly explains how this man is so ethereal so I have concluded that alien magic converted his rizz to ethereality

jeongin: ok so I did say vernon is the only one who’s truly reached rizz neutral but jeongin is pretty close. similar vibes. they’re both slightly insane of course but they are also more than likely to just stand there and vibe. this gives off rizz neutrality. jeongin is less neutral (probably tipped in the negative direction) but he’s getting there. 

ATEEZ.

seonghwa: rizzless this man is the nerdiest nerd ever he is RIZZLESS. magnitude infinity in the negative region of the graph. he and soobin are two sides of the same coin the latter is a lanky little gamer dude and the former is a Star Wars nerd with a display case for his figurines. the absolute most negative rizz ever (affectionate)

yunho: oooooooo my god. positive rizz if I've ever seen one. so much rizz. so much fucking rizz. the magnitude of his rizz is off the charts and unlike the other insane ones his rizz didn’t get converted so he is DANGEROUS. if you ever meet this man in the wild run in the other direction you will not survive his pull. in the wise words of chip “yunho has |rizz| (absolute positive rizz)”

mingi: his rizz...fluctuates. like a sine curve idk. he alternates between having so much rizz it hurts and so little rizz it’s laughable. yes I have definitely been influenced by having seen him in concert twice (do NOT bring up the fact that he became a wrecker after the second). he knows he’s hot and will use that to the best of his ability but he’s also kind of pathetic and for some reason it doesn’t balance out so he fluctuates

jongho: has rizz. does not care to use it. falls in the same camp of the the8-ers (refer to the seventeen section) in which he prefers to simply ooze rizz onstage and kill everyone’s heart there instead of flirting with fans. respectable. also incredibly dangerous. everyone wants to hug him but if you try to his rizz will snap you in half but if not huggable then why hug shape?

hongjoong: net positive rizz but he’s convinced he has more than he does so I dock several points due to excessive confidence. panics too much when wooyoung tries to kiss him for me to restore them. if he gay panicked a little less then I might consider him having as much rizz as he says he does but alas he does not and so I will not. 

san: -10 rizz. negative but not too negative. he’s really cute and really hot but also really pathetic and I say this with the greatest fondness imaginable. remember that one poll where tiny voted him as the person they’d least like to vacation w bc he’d stay inside (don’t worry me too san)? same vibes. his patheticness outweighs his hotness and while they’re close, ultimately patheticness wins out. sorry not sorry

yeosang: net positive rizz but he does not use it. this is not by choice. he just doesn’t know how to. in fact I'm not fully convinced he knows what rizz is. in this manner he is somewhat similar to juyeon (refer to the boyz section below) except where juyeon’s rizz is negative infinity yeosang has some positive levels. in chip’s words get well soon yeo

wooyoung: falls in the same camp as hyunjae in that he has fully negative rizz and embraces this fact to use it as a weapon. dangerous man. fully insane. if his rizz was positive he’d be the same as jangjun and co but unfortunately he’s pathetic for hongjoong so his rizz is negative and is not handled the same way. 

THE BOYZ.

hyunjae: all of Bermuda line is rizzless to the max but in different ways. in hyunjae’s case he knows he is rizzless and fully accepts and utilizes this to his benefit. you’re telling me this man doesn’t know how pathetic (fond) he is? he’s self aware and will absolutely use this against you. as dangerous as those with high positive levels of rizz. watch the fuck out

younghoon: fully rizzless bc he’s in Bermuda line but is not self aware. in fact he protests that he does have positive rizz but look at this man. he has the energy of a dying victorian child trying to make it past this cold, cold winter. all you want to do is pat his head and coo at him to make him feel better he has no rizz. absolute negatives. 

juyeon: again, completely and negatively rizzless since he’s in Bermuda line but like younghoon he is fully unaware. in a different way though. why you ask? because this man definitely has no idea what rizz is. look at his sweet little eyes and tell me he knows. that’s right. you can’t. 

q: negative rizz. not as low as Bermuda line/seonghwa/soobin/etc. but still quite negative. the thing is no one ever tells him this or brings it up to his face because he’s dangerous. he may not know what rizz is but he does know what an insult is and if you say a word about his purported negative rizz levels you will not be heard from again. this is a warning. 

sangyeon: has net positive rizz. it isn’t super high but given the fact that I've just said four of his members have some of the lowest rizz levels imaginable it’s relatively high in the realm of tbz. can’t really explain it but he gets this rizz from his hot tired uncle energy that no one is immune to. have you seen him with his nephews? don’t argue with me. 

(at this point chip told me to stop making rizz comments bc their stomach hurt. I did not stop)

kevin: rizz levels -1. not quite negative infinity. in fact pretty far from it. still negative though and he’ll never recover from that. I'd say that I'm sorry but I'm really not no matter how much this man works out I will never be able to stop laughing at him to his face (in best friend fashion). love you kev

new: negative. not horrifically so like Bermuda line but still more negative than kev. you may be thinking what the fuck lina new has so much rizz wdym? you’re wrong. he doesn’t have rizz and he doesn’t care. his lack of care gives the illusion that he actually has positive rizz but he does not. do not be fooled

haknyeon: POSITIVE RIZZ. do not question the positive rizz of tangerine boy ju haknyeon. it may not be positive infinity but I do say he’s around +50ish and given the patheticness that surrounds him that’s pretty fucking good I’d say. so much rizz. so much true rizz. I love him

sunwoo: the most negative fucking rizz ever except he’s convinced it’s positive.  see without this unfounded conviction his rizz would just be somewhere around -50 and he’d be fine because Bermuda line exists but nooooo he decided to ruin it by being overly confident in his rizz powers so now he’s at negative infinity and one. sucks to suck.

jacob: (chip came up with this one) he has beomgyu and jangjun levels of rizz so like rizz off the charts but while a lot of it was converted into weirdness some of it stayed rizz so. hm. a tamer version of jangjun if you will. however beware because his rizz is once again increasing since he stopped playing league. watch out.

eric: negative rizz. same boat as sunwoo. their rizz magnitudes are the exact same and in the same direction (negative obviously) but it’s in a slightly different manner. both have unfounded confidence in their imaginary positive rizz levels but eric’s is in the manner of a teacher’s pet who thinks they’re popular while sunwoo is just plain mad

HONORARY MENTIONS.

jangjun (golden child): positive rizz and it’s terrible. I can’t tell you what the number is (it’s +69,420) but it’s really fucking high and I hate it. most of his rizz has been compressed and converted like hoshi’s to something resembling insanity but unlike hoshi there is a dangerous amount left. beware this man

daeyeol (golden child): +5 rizz. he’s handsome and reliable and if we got married I would be able to trust him to get things done. similar to sangyeon in that he’s got hot tired uncle energy but he’s also pathetic so he only gets five rizz points

mark (nct): negative rizz if I've ever seen one, but missing the negative infinity rizz by one point. I just need him differentiated from soobin and jisung and the other pathetic ones. mark is pathetic but I give him one point out of pity

beomhan (??): I don’t know anything about this guy except that he can’t cook and has high cholesterol problems from eating too many eggs but he’s in the same group as jangjun and co

keeho (p1h): I also don’t know anything about this guy except what chip has told me but I think he’s similar to chanhee and chip thinks he’s on sunwoo’s level. do with this information what you will

[eemcintyre]

"Excessive Force" (1993) review

Bc ya girl finally got her fingies on a DVD and was able to watch it in more than 6 pixels 😌

I don’t care what the haters say- I am so very completely HERE for the hair and the earring 👏🏻

The fact I went into this the first time not knowing he wrote it until the opening credits and SCREAMING

Speaking of the writing, overall, I appreciate his attempts at humor and the good twist near the end, but at the same time hon WHY were you writing stuff like Terry’s dating a model (with NO personality or reason to be there- guess even he’s not immune to “men writing women” smh 😔😆) and “It’s game time, baby” making me absolutely cringe myself away AAAAAAAGGGGHHHHH 😤

But I might forgive him anyway bc **that one scene** (if you know you know); you have to be at least a bit of a kinky motherfucker to write smth like that and you can’t convince me otherwise 👀🫠

Plus the top-tier kitten content- in this house we love a man who loves cats

That one guy in the beginning complaining about his denim jacket getting ruined like BRUH maybe don’t wear it to a mafia drug raid?? But what do I know 🙃

I’m always a slut for the roundhouse and wheel kicks (don’t ask me which is which bc I don’t know, but I read somewhere that’s what they’re called and that person sounded like they knew more than me)

Also speaking of things I’m a slut for- the jazz piano has me melting to my fucking knees 😍💕 fun fact: jazz is also my favorite genre, so this inclusion to the plot, although wildly out of place and unnecessary, *chef’s kiss* 🤌🏻

Ok but can we please talk about how tiny girlypop Charlotte Lewis is in comparison to him?? Also I looked it up and she's 5'6 and I'm only 5'2 and the resulting mental imagery is making my head spin and my stomach do feats of acrobatics

Honestly this movie is such a guy-type movie to write, like I swear only a man could have written it. between the men writing women shit I discussed above to the cringe one-liners and the almost-constant gratuitous violence over anything resembling, idk, character development...? A+ fantastic content

It is so entertaining to me that Terry's emo ass in his all-black layered outfits drives a fkin pastel yellow car

Honestly, if you don’t overanalyze it and are solely there for a pretty 6’5 man kicking people, holding a kitten, and playing jazz piano, solid 5/10.

[zeroducks-2]

has anyone asked abt batjokes for the ship game

you're the first anon! And DAMN YES

I ship it!

What made you ship it? Reading The Killing Joke at the ripe old age of eight. My mother thought comics were for kids and bought me a big ass "essential Batman stories" book, which started out with The Killing Joke and it rewired my brain I guess (my Batman experience up to that point had been random episodes of Batman Beyond).

What are your favorite things about the ship? I reckon I'm going to go on a bit of a tangent here. Sorry Anon I don't suppose this was the answer you were hoping for, but I am unable to contain myself :> So being that this is my first DC ship (and it might even be my first ship PERIOD), I'm more of a "I nostalgically ship it from afar" than an active, fanfiction-reader/writer kind of fan, but surely my enjoyment has always been rooted in the fact that it's a villain/hero situation where they're two sides of the same coin, at the point where they can't exist without one another. I ship Batman with 50% of his rogue gallery tbh, and unless it's just 'cause it looks hot, it tends to be about how Bruce tries to see the human side of these people (sometimes because he's known them since before they were rogues), how he extends a helping hand when he can, how he refuses to kill them because there has to be a way to rehabilitate them (and sometimes there is, and it's just the tragic nature of these stories which prevents the "rogues" from getting their own form of happy ending). This happens with the Joker too, and the most memorable occasion in which this happens is after Joker tortured and crippled Barbara (someone Bruce is supposed to love and care for), beside what he also does to Jim Gordon (also someone Bruce is supposed to be friends with). Joker himself tells Batman more or less "I hurt a defenseless girl, I terrorized an old man, what are you waiting for just beat the shit out of me" to which BRUCE SAYS NO. He says no because "you're just like me except you had one bad day too many, and I know you can get better, and I want to help you". We all know how The Killing Joke ends, with the proverbial joke and them laughing like maniacs about it (I have the panels always around so yall can experience them with me)

And the image of them laughing together is forever seared into my brain, especially because even if this guy did whatever the hell he did (and will keep doing it), Bruce replied with empathy and compassion. A monster, the irredeemable one who's never going to stop before anything because he's not even human, at this point he's the embodiment of everything wrong there can be in a person - he just got smothered with compassion and it almost worked. The "joke" (two madmen escape the loony bin, etc) is Joker's way to say "I'm sorry I really want to take your hand but I can't, I just can't do it", and Bruce understands this and for a brief moment of six panels it's just two friends laughing together. And that part of me which will always see itself in the ugly, irredeemable, rejected monster was and will always be so profoundly fulfilled by this.

Of course I am also not immune to the whole "you need me, you love me and you can't live without me" thing to which Batman reacts by kicking and screaming that it's not true, but which is indeed true and in every story in which Joker actually dies, Bruce cannot for the love of him cope one single day without him. This post puts it briefly but beautifully, go give it a look if you're rabid a fan of the dynamic such as I am.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship? Liking this ship (and Joker in general) is unpopular in and of itself lol, but I guess I can say that my unpopular preference is that as much as I ship them, I don't see sex involved in any part of their relationship which is more based off of beating the shit out of each other (or laughing about a dumbass joke in a stormy night in an abandoned amusement park), and being unable to let the other go when the chance presents itself. I see sex as essentially unnecessary in their dynamic, but it's also true that I don't really peruse Batjokes content beside the occasional fanart, so the sex part might have just not clicked with me yet.

[berryunho]

Not you and Bee updating your fics the same day when just yesterday I was going through both fics again because I missed them dearly. You people are gonna kill me, the adrenaline that shot through me hit so hard when I saw The Answer and Wonderwall had updated that I almost spooked myself and fell from my bed.

Anyways HELLO! Good to see you again <3

Hope you're having a good 2024 so far.

Here we go on another one of my unnecessarily long ass comments about the fic, sure hope I haven't overstayed my welcome with them just yet lmao (let me know if I do end up overdoing it at some point please, I will gladly tone it down if it becomes a problem).

FIRST OF ALL: I THINK I'M GOING INSANE.

Maybe its the hj brainrot that I've been stuck on for the last few months, maybe it's the fact that the ateez hyperfixation is hitting harder than usual since the comeback but him throwing a tantrum yelling "you will not take her from me"? Butterflies. Got me giggling and kicking my feet. I was rolling around on my bed as I read that.

Maybe it's the absence making the heart grow fonder and all that.

That being said, my misplaced fondness for this clown did die down once he hit us with the whole "she should be begging me for her life", if the cult thing wasn't enough of an ick I guess that did the job. Like, sir you had me for a sec there with the possessiveness (*tucks my hair like debbie ryan*) why did you have to remind me of your actual personality?

But yeah, catch me slowly being dragged down against my will to join the TheAnswer!HJ simps, though I guess that's what's gonna happen to mc soon enough too, I really am along for the ride with her. Me and mc peering down the edge into the abyss where they lay, the abyss stares right back at us. Damn. People are right, we are not immune to cult propaganda. Tragic.

I really wanted to point out that this chapter had me extra paranoid than the last one tbh, you mentioned in the notes that this was shorter and that you felt like it was lackluster, but I seriously didn't feel it at all because of how on edge I was at times, not as much as let's say during her escape attempt in the corn field sure, but I was still wary and uneasy while reading. I know we had the whole circus with the Guardian thing last time, but san being so urgent in his claims that they have to leave and us getting to hear about how pissed off hj got because of mc's "unsatisfying" reaction to his little scheme? I am dead serious when I tell you I was bracing for the absolute worst, got me shaking in my little tinfoil hat.

The part about the machine harvesting the field? With mc saying she wouldn't want to be caught in it? (ALSO I SEE THAT SHORT YEOSANG MOMENT, I SEE YOU LEAVING A TRAIL OF BREAD CRUMBS FOR HIM 👁👁 <- EYES THAT SEE)

My 2 braincells immediately went "oh em gee, foreshadowing?", like I am certain to my core that someone's gonna fucking die to that or be horrifically injured, its just a matter of: whom? 🤨 I'm gonna save my guess as to who it could be in case that does happen, but I will come back here to yell on another ask about it if that comes up in the future.

Then the scene with hj and hwa talking to mc about her questions, and she hits them with the "oh what can I do if I'm alone?" and hwa is desperately trying to get her to stfu (me too man, me too) while hj smiles at her. You know, like a cryptic weirdo.

Now, I am more than willing to say that what came to mind for me in that moment was probably due to my very *rational* fear of TheAnswer!HJ, but ignore the fact that I am losing myself to his mind games and hear me out for a bit: I kid you not, for a second, I legit thought that he may suggest to or even outright attempt to like "mark" mc with the Sign.

In what way? I don't fucking know but there are many options and he is twisted enough to think of that, we all know it and the sirens were blaring in my head about that when he said the Sign would protect her as long as she had it in her, like "mc girl, I dread to say this but I feel like we should trust mr lapdog on this one, I fear you may be poking the modern day moses a bit too much and we all know he is having a diva moment today", because for hwa to be so concerned over it while hj reacts somewhat positively? Yeah, something wicked this way comes. And on that note, it seemed to me that hwa wasn't just trying to get her to steer from upsetting hj, he seems like he was trying to keep the peace between them in more ways than just that (more on that in a separate ask cause I feel like this is getting too long and its probably a pain for people to scroll past it LMAO I'M SO SORRY).

You clarified for me last time that mc will find out eventually about what happened to her bff (thank you by the way <33) and given how much it was brought up this chapter, I do think he is gonna wait out a while to use the haseul card (haseul girl you will always be remembered as the ride or die friend that you were, more on the die side but it's not your fault girlie, we love you), because while he is clearly prone to emotional outbursts, he is also smart as hell and just as cruel, we are yet to see him mess up big time just out of losing his cool (or maybe the consequences just haven't quite caught up to him just yet but I'd argue he is still ahead in that case), so I imagine that the threat of doing it is very much real but he will play it right for his own advantage.

The man is a diva but he is a cunning one, he more so seems to bring it up because he knows that the idea of devastating mc in that way is a threat in and of itself to everyone else that is also vying for her attention, which is 100/10 writing, author you are amazing (if the way that the fic is eating away at my brain wasn't clear indication of that).

I am also once again proud of our mc for *once again* poking holes in his little bible lore, yes bestie you are correct, wtf does it mean for a Guardian to kidnap someone? A question that I personally had when I read his explanation is: if the Guardians can kidnap people across dimensions then why tf can't the cult members or him, the big powerful prophet himself, also do something like that? Wouldn't that be way more helpful than sending uber eats across dimensions to the Others through sacrifices?? He says they need mc to do that but the Guardians have no issue going "yoink :3" over to our dimension to spirit away his followers and at the same time he also wants us to believe that the same Guardians are afraid of him? Sir. Pick a side, you can't have it both ways. Either they are clearly stronger than you and that's why we are all struggling with mc being a non believer or you are the op big shot of this religion whom everyone grovels under, make it make sense ! !

(Also this isn't me trying to point plot holes in your story pls lol I don't think his religion's lack of consistency is a reflection of your writing ever, in fact I think it's really cool cause it adds to the mystery of it all along with making us question him even more, I just have a lot of fun dissecting the snippets of it we do get out of spite for him lmao).

I have some more things I wanted to add but I'll throw them into another ask cause, again, I feel like this is already gonna be annoying to scroll past lmao, so sorry for anyone seeing this, apologies everyone.

But these were my general takes on the chapter, I really enjoyed it as always so thanks for another update Lauren <333 wish you well!!

- 👁👁

LKSJLFKJASDF OMG HI!!!! <33333

First of all let me just say that you will never annoy me w these comments like this is seriously my dream feedback i could cry honestly im so touched that you care so much to type all of this out and that you clearly spend so much time thinking about the answer and really appreciating it and like. YEAH ILY SM DO NOT WORRY !!!!! 

Fun fact about bee and me updating at the same time . we didnt plan it this time . it was in fact random . but there was a time in like… i wanna say december 2022 when bee was writing claire de lune and her and caly and i all conspired to update on the same day and im pretty sure we did and i cant even imagine what it wouldve been like to be a claire de lune/mists of celeste/the answer reader on that day LMFAO

ANYWAYS INTO THE MEAT AAAAAAAAAAA pls these reactions to hj are so real like sometimes ill write something a little bit too … cute ? and then ive gotta reel it back real quick we gotta remember who we’re talking about we gotta stay strong even if he is hot and obsessed 

TY for saying you felt that the chapter was still interesting hehe i guess i felt like people would be expecting a lot from this chapter and i knew it wasnt going to be What Was Expected or like that it wasnt going to go right into the escape attempt like i think some people probably thought SO im glad that the chapter was still … paranoia inducing LMFAO 

No fun fact idk if this is like obvious or not but my grandparents are/were corn farmers so like. Obvs i have spent a lot of time on a corn field. Planting harvesting running around etc. and i was always so freaked out by combine machines theyre literally fucking ENORMOUS like easily 15 feet tall but the good news is they go like. 10mph. But i still wouldnt want to find myself in the path of one AHAHAH !!!!!! ANYWAYS !!!!!!!!!!!!!

eheheheeh yeah the whole scene w the unholy trinity really …. Ooooooo was it fun to write hehe yes the whole situation w haseul is really a big opportunity for hj to keep manipulating mc and something for him to hold over her head and i hope the dramatic irony is coming through w the fact that we obvs know she’s dead but mc has no idea bc i lovvveeeeeee that tension in a story like just waiting and waiting and waiting for mc to find out … ehehe and i like how you point out that hj hasnt really messed up big time or lost his cool bc youre … right … but he’s almost almost getting there and i just love him being unhinged and ………… yeah ill be quiet now heh

UBER EATS SACRIFICES ACROSS DIMENSIONS SENT MEEEEEE LAKDJFL;ASKJDFL;KJA;DFKJ youre so real for these questions and like yes this is exactly the type of thing i want you to be thinking … hehehe keep yourself in mc’s shoes yk … i def get that you’re not trying to point out plot holes hehe dw dw thank you for your compliments hehe

I WILL ANSWER YOUR SECOND ASK NEXT !!! TYSM AGAIN I LOVE YOU MWAH MWAH MWAH i hope you are WELL !!! <3333

[prettyboykatsuki]

i am not immune to pretty girls who can kick my ass please let me top you

[queen--kenobi]

10 Characters, 10 Fandoms, 10 Tags

thanks for the tag @purgetrooperfox

How to play: name 10 of your favourite characters from 10 different fandoms, then tag 10 people to do the same 

1. Kill Bill | Beatrix Kiddo/The Bride

Listen. Beatrix is my girl my baby. I don’t want her life but god I want to be her if that makes any sense.

2. Hellraiser | Kirsty Cotton

Okay Kirsty is the ultimate final girl, and I will fight anyone that says otherwise. Literally no other final girl can kick ass like her. Genuinely, when Kirsty tells Frank “Go to hell” it’s not some generic angry yell. The way she says it promises she’ll be the one taking you to hell. I love her

3. Star Wars | Obi-wan Kenobi

I am not immune to a British accent and attractive man. Yes, he is an asshole and a snob, and the fandom doesn’t explore that enough. But like. Idk man I think there’s so much complexity with his character beyond just “sad desert man” that can be so fun to play around with?

4. House of the Dragon | Aemond Targaryen

Is he a war criminal? Yes. Is he a kinslayer? Also yes. I don’t care. I am aware I’m playing into the tumblr sexyman hype with this. I have a specific Thing for characters, but especially villains, who are traumatized, who becoming the villain just seems to be their inevitable fate.

That being said, Rhaenerya is a close second

5. Resident Evil 8 | Heisenberg

Listen. I have no excuse. I just don’t

6. Breaking Bad | Saul Goodman

I almost said Gus but. Idk man Saul is my poor little meow meow he’s my pathetic man on this list

7. Nope | OJ Haywood

Just. Man. Everything about OJ. His sense of duty, the way he makes connections no one else can, him having respect for the animals he interacts with? Also all the little details like when he clicks at Angel to raise the camera like you would with a horse

8. The Good Place | Michael

Are we... are we really surprised by this one. I love that he gets a redemption arc. Even though he’s a literal demon, he’s never written off as a hopeless cause. He’s given the chance to become a good person and does, which I am such a sucker for

9. Supernatural | Crowley

Oh, no excuse on this one. I just love how evil he is but in a fun way

10. Death Note | L

L is both smart and the world’s biggest troll I love him so much he’s such a good character

No pressure tags: @baba-fett @rain-on-kamino @twistedstitcher27 @rexxdjarin @misogirl828 @galacticgraffiti @mysteryhacked @writingbylee @teeth-ing @fett-djarin

[starlight-phantom]

Since you've been really into it lately, AI for the fandom asks!

Ngl I was really hoping someone would ask for this, just so I could have an excuse to gush about these games so thank you

3 male characters I love:

Kaname Date, this man is literally the full package. I mean, he's hot, smart, dumb, goofy, a fantastic dad figure, horny as hell, lover of puns, can kick people's ass with ease, what else do you want?

Kuruto Ryuki, honestly Ryuki is one of my absolute favourites. He is the definition of a poor lil meow meow and a babygirl and my god do I love him for it. I honestly hope that, if we get a third game, Ryuki gets some more time in the spotlight and we get to learn more about him because he's such a compelling character.

Pewter, he doesn't get a whole lot of screen time but when it actually gets down to his parts in the story and you learn his reasoning for his actions, it just makes me feel so bad for him. Also he dresses like the leader of a Pokémon villain team.

3 female characters I love:

Okay, ngl, usually I tend to prefer male characters over female characters. I don't know why, it's just always been that way, I've related to them more, I guess? BUT I love the female characters so much more in this series, they're all fantastic, I adore them. That being said I definitely have some favourites.

Mizuki Date, god I fucking love Mizuki, she is my daughter who can and will kick anyone's ass. When I saw her all grown up in Nirvana Initiative, I screamed... And then I found out you played as her in Nirvana Initiative and I screamed again even louder. Honest to god though, Mizuki is one of the best written characters I've ever seen, especially for a child character, and the poor girl goes through so much... Also, Corina Boettger's performance is incredible, I don't know how they managed to genuinely sound like a twelve year old girl but they did it and they gave one of the best performances in the whole game, which is saying something but the dub as a whole is amazing.

Aiba, I love Aiba so, so, so much. I love how in the real world she acts as a straight man to Date's antics but will still trade puns with him and then in the Somnium's she gets goofy and Date acts as a straight man to her. She has so many funny moments and I adore her crazy smile when she's really enjoying something. Also, her lil jelly hamster design is so cute, I love it.

Shizue Kuranushi aka Boss, Listen... I am not immune to hot women, okay? Especially when they're voiced by Allegra Clark. This is the third time this has happened to me and my heart still can't handle it. But I mean... She's hot, she's badass, she's flirty, she's funny... She's perfect. Also, I want to avoid spoilers since you're debating whether to check out the series or not, but there is A Scene that everyone adores and with very good reasons and all I'll say is, if you weren't in love with Allegra Clark's performance already, you will be after that scene.

3 romantic ships I love:

Hitomi/Date, can't really into this one without discussing spoilers but wow, I was not expecting that and they're so, so cute... Wish they got more of a focus in Nirvana Initiative...

Date/Ryuki, Date has two hands. But honestly, it's the way Ryuki talks about Date that gets me. Plus the idea of Mizuki judging him for his taste in men is just funny to me.

Iris/Amame, I just think they'd be cute, not to mention they're always checking up on each other when stressful stuff happens and share a lot of interests so I can see plenty of chemistry. Also, pretty bubblegum colour scheme.

3 platonic dynamics I love:

Can I just say the whole of Abis and their families? Like, the whole group is essentially a huge family at this point when you consider all the stuff that goes on throughout both games.

Ota and Mayumi, god that route destroyed me emotionally, it was so bittersweet. But I love me a good family driven story, so seeing this mother and son work their way through their issues and how they tried their best to protect each other.

Ryuki and Tama, ngl Tama was so, so, so close to being one of my favourite female characters, she just needs more screen time so, y'know... Anyway, I love their dynamic both in the real world and in the Somnium and I love how Tama knows about Ryuki's issues and tries to help him as much as possible despite his honestly self destructive work mentality, like when she forces him to go to the hospital.

3 favorite moments in canon:

Ooooh... I dunno... Like I said I'm avoiding spoilers for you so that limits me a lot but also, there's so many really, really, REALLY good scenes... I'll be as vague as possible.

The final scenes of both games.... If you know, you know.

Mizuki Route Ending in the first game, I dunno just... Found family and an adorable callback to a conversation way earlier in the route, it's so sweet.

The Annihilation Route interrogation, again... If you know, you know.

3 favorite headcanons:

I like to think that Aiba and Tama sometimes do their augmented reality hologram thing just so they can join Mizuki, Iris and the other girls for their girls nights sometimes. Doesn't matter that they can't eat or interact with anything, just hanging out with them is enough.

I know that we see Ryuki drunk a couple of times and he's really mopey in both of them, but I like to think that when he's having a night out and doesn't have anything weighing on him, he's quite a giggly drunk. Not howling with laughter or anything, just finding everything amusing and almost constant smiling and giggling to himself.

Slight spoiler stuff but I like to think that after Mizuki learned about who her dad's new partner was after divorcing her mother, she makes an attempt to connect with them especially since she can understand their complicated feelings over what happened.

3 least favorite things about it:

Chikara Horadori. That bastard knows what he did.

There are a few plot points where you sit there and think "... Okay, that was kinda stupid, I'm not a fan of that..." But I mean I've seen worse from Uchikoshi *cough*ZTD*cough*

The fact that Ryuki and Tama just kinda get shoved to the side in the second half of Nirvana Initiative. Honestly that was one of my biggest complaint about it, like c'mon they're the new characters, shouldn't you give them even just a little more screen time?

[topsurgerystuff]

DISCLAIMER: I LOVE TRANS WOMEN, TRANS GIRLS, TRANS FEMMES, CIS WOMEN AND GIRLS, AND UH, OTHER KINDS OF FEMININE PEOPLE. NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT UNLESS YOU ARE THAT LADY WHO STOOD OUTSIDE THE BATHROOM STALL AND STARED AT ME. FUCK YOU, LADY.

Doctors will not listen to anything I say unless I have my husband speak for me and/or I cry and threaten to kill myself.

Nobody helps me with anything anymore! People used to fall all over themselves to help me with stuff, and now I have to do everything for myself. And if I ever ask for help in public, nobody even acknowledges my existence. Even in emergency situations! It's like I'm a ghost.

Men and mascs aren't allowed in women's spaces, which is where all the women's resources are, so people hate to see me at the gynecologist, in the feminine care isle, in support groups, buying women's underwear because pads fit them better, people always look at me like I'm some kind of pervert; at girls night, which especially upset me because I've always been invited and now I suddenly make my friends uncomfortable.

The first time I used the women's bathroom after transitioning, a lady came in as I was leaving and she looked at me like a cornered prey animal. The second time, the line was really long and everyone stared at me the whole time and when I got in the stall, this lady stood right outside the stall and watched me through the crack in the door, which like, !Wow! And nobody in this crowded bathroom thought anything of it?? And the previous occupant had left her phone in there so I exited the stall to try and return it and she had already left so I put it on the counter and then I had to get in the back of the line again so I went home and I never used a public bathroom again.

Dudes were ECTSATIC to learn that they could hit me now. I feel like dudes think that because they are bound by masculinity to never admit they got their ass kicked, that they can beat each other up and no one will ask for help or press charges?

I am now both a silly hysterical woman constantly on her period AND a sleazy perverted depraved male manipulator, depending on which can be used to hurt me in the given moment. Nobody in the world is immune to seeing me this way but everyone insists that they are.

"We don't need more white transmascs" Okay, I can't change either of those things?? What do you want me to do? Never show my face in public? Detransition so I can be one of the approved "morally good genders"? Kill myself?? How am I the bad guy here??

"You signed up for this by wanting to be a man" So now oppression is okay and nobody has to face their prejudice because its just The Way It Is, because I'm a dude, right? Fascism sucks and is morally wrong EXCEPT when it happens to dudes, right? Especially the trans dudes because we wanted this SOO BAD. All of this paragraph was sarcasm, by the way, none of that is cool or okay.

❗️❗️ This is asked entirely in good faith. This post is intended to open dialogue and help with solidarity and understanding. ❗️❗️

I would like to hear specifically from trans men and trans mascs how the system of [whatever the fuck you call the intersection of transphobia, misogyny, and specifically your gender- whether transandrophobia, isomisogny, antitransmasculinity, transandromisia, transmisandry, or any that I have missed as there are a lot of words to describe similar concepts] uniquely targets and affects you. Things that you feel other demographics do not experience. Reblogs and replies are very encouraged! If you would prefer, you could dm or send an ask to be added anonymously by me.

This is in the spirit of wanting to understand. I am listening. I encourage all non-trans-mascs to not speak on this topic and let trans mascs and trans men do the talking here. Reblog the post to spread it, but please say nothing.

Any and all people who identify as trans men and/or trans mascs are encouraged to participate.

This is not bait to start a fight. I will block without hesitation anyone who is actively being a shithead on this post. I want to hear and uplift your voices by getting it directly from you.

Click this to access the trans fem and trans women version of this post.

[synthwave-system]

A semi long rant about US Healthcare

So... Insurance has been kicking us in the ass lately, and by “us” I mean me and my fellow ND’s and Immune Compromised folk. And now why do I say that?

It’s taken family months to get okayed for procedures bc the Insurance don’t want to okay the procedures without scans and tests that the doctors refuse to do until the needed procedures is done so they know what’s going on with our immune systems.

I literally am at risk of dying because my insurance wont send me my insulin unless I send them a daily report of my blood glucose readings for a month - which sounds invasive but super easy to do right? WRONG! I’m extremely ND, I am diagnosed with things like ADP, DID, Severe Anxiety + PTSD, and Clinical Depression. I am also fairly certain I have ADHD or am Autistic but have not been able to get either a: a therapist and psychiatrist bc of costs and insurance, and b: get an appointment into any kind of clinic that can check me for ADHD and Autism. Now I hear you all thinking; “but your diagnosed already with APD if you had ADHD or Autism wouldnt they have diagnosed you at the same time?”  And you’d be right, they should have. I am trans (FtM) and there is a massive problem of older children, especially girls, who are refused to get diagnosed with ADHD and Autism until they are adults (see source here), when I was diagnosed with APD at the ripe age of 9 I was told “you dont have the other two don’t worry” as if it was a bad thing to be diagnosed with.

So why now, in my 20′s is it even harder to get anything through to get diagnosed and how is it affecting me getting my life saving medication? I’m a bit of a scatterbrain at times, object permanence and all, if I’m not actively thinking about how I need to be doing something to take care of my health my brain deems it isn’t as important as the thing I am doing right now, I’ll have time after I’m done and doing that thing now like taking a shower or checking my BG will take precious time out of what I’m doing now. But if I don’t check my BG and give myself insulin for the pretzels I’m snacking on rn - I won’t get approval to continue getting my insulin prescription. And half the time I don’t know if its because I’m undiagnosed and unmedicated or just because I’ve conditioned myself into living like this, and maybe that thought process is from years of masking as a Neurotypical person. ON TOP OF THAT; my arthritis is getting so bad to the point I need to wear a leg and ankle brace anytime I go outside and bring a cane with me because it has reached my legs and makes it painful to even walk, I can’t do my job for long periods because my arthritis makes my hands clamp up and cause me to be in agony even with just typing.

Now the US government has made it so I as a gender-fluid. transgender, asexual, biromantic man, might not even be allowed medical service for the fact I’m LGBT+.  So I hope you can see the problem people like me are being forced to experience and maybe some of you out there can relate to it too... and if you do- you aren’t alone out there, we’ll get through this together.

[lizardinkart]

Prologue Arc: Glow-Worm

I’m just gonna start this off with a running counter of how many times this story emotionally damages me to the point of tears because so far- ouch (but in a good way):

Lizard Cry Counter: 1

TL;DR: A pleasant romp through the familiar world of Parahumans and how it’s changed, who the new players are, and where Victoria is at the start of her emotional arc.

Alright, let’s get wormin’. 

The World: Parahumans Online was a really good way to open the story and a great vehicle to reintroduce the reader to the world of Parahumans. It’s been a hot minute since Gold Morning and everyone is Fucked Up about it (understandably so), and it has also been a few months since I’ve finished Worm so I’ve also had a hot sec to stew on the ethical implications of the ending of the book and Taylor’s whole ish.  I have thoughts and feelings about the introduction of the Megalopolis known heretofore as “The City” (I think?), but super New York/LA is some worldbuilding that is baffling me because how do you people make food for an entire country if everyone’s squeezed into one big city?????? How did you throw up a country-sized city in TWO YEARS???????

The Characters: But digression about societal infrastructure and the importance of rural communities aside, I enjoyed the little vignettes of all the new (and old) characters that will be important in the story. It was deeply annoying that I had to look up who everyone was because they refuse to use anything other than screen names (I had to look up Victoria for god’s sake- wtf Wildbow come on man), and also accidentally ended up seeing spoilers for some people that like hhhh annoyed but nevertheless we persist. So my thoughts on the New/Old guys:

Already love Kenzie, she is very small. Glow-worm is Kenzie propaganda and I am not immune.

Ashley (there are numbers, apparently?) is like if Bitch fused with Megamind. ”oooOOOOoOoOO I’m a villainnnnn! Stay out of my wayyyyy!!!” is intimidating and all but “I think I hate the internet with the very core of my being” just makes me want to pat her head while she threatens to bite me. A quick fave I love feral little guys. 

Tristan is doing Dubious Shit (idk why one of the first things we had to know about him is that he was Latino, sigh, but Wildbow’s gotta Wildbow I guess) but I wanna know the beef between him and his old team and what exactly this human-trafficking-ass shenaniganery he’s up to is. ~Proceeds to wait over half the story~

Chris is introverted to the point of pain and I love him but I can Only see him proceeding in the story by digging his own grave (ex- rejecting Kenzie in Thee most assholeish way possible. Kicking him). Also saw Some spoilers for him so uhhhhh, oof.

Oh so THIS is the Rain people won’t shut up about... yeah, he’s a skrungly little guy I can see it. “The Clusters Made Me Gay” theory is something I am begging comes into play

And love of my life, Sveta, makes her glorious return and I am kissing her little head and arms and arms and arms and arms and... But for real the absolute Hate within the Case 53/Monster Cape community for Sveta and my little guy Weld has me in tatters. Be nice to Sveta!!!!

Ok so all that out of the way- time to talk about Vicky! (It’s a lot, sorry guys lol)

The New Main Character: I liked the slow buildup of everything we really need to know about Victoria and where she is at this point in her life in this prologue. I appreciated that we learn about her attempts at grad school and the fact that after being unblobified  (which I didn’t know had happened until I literally had to ask my friends so minus points for making me think “Point_Me_@_The_Sky” was a poignant and sad ref to her being stuck as a blob and reliant on others, missing the days when she could fly, and not just a Deep Pull Pink Floyd reference lol) she is still in a Bad place. Even if she can hold it together for the most part.

What I also appreciate about Victoria is that she is very clearly no longer Glory Girl. That’s been the theme of this entire prologue is that this is NOT Worm anymore. Taylor is gone, the world has moved on, and the people who survived are picking up the pieces. Victoria going from being confident and a little cocky/snarky has given way to someone who is hurt and bitter and defensive in a very aggressive way. The way she ripped apart Madison was cathartic, but in the way that she was definitely saying the first thing you think of saying to someone that has wronged you that you end up walking back because sometimes, hurt has a funny way of making us want to hurt other people overmuch and maybe unfairly. 

Victoria’s kindness towards/refusal to completely condemn Taylor shows her character and willingness to see the best in people, even after they’ve done the worst, but telling Madison this next section does a lot of work to show her hand:

“I don’t believe in forgive & forget. Not for the things I’ve done. not for what others have done to people I care about. Not for what’s been done to me. The moment we forget is the moment we allow those wrongs to be done again. Forgiveness is the easy way out. Less to carry” (Ward 0.9)

This was the section where I just kinda had to pause the audiobook and sit and cry on my bathroom floor for a second because damn. If that’s not some Actual shit that I have been dealing with my entire life. It’s the mindset you get to when you are hurt over and over and over to the point where you just carry the burden of the people who have hurt you that continue to torment you because after a while, you don’t think you deserve better. You think you deserve to hold onto this weight because it’s a comforting weighted blanket you don’t realize is suffocating you until you can’t breathe anymore. 

Taylor was someone who saw everyone around her as on Thin Fucking Ice, either ally or enemy, and would fly to violence if someone so much as sneezed. It’s the kicked puppy effect, where she’s expecting to be kicked from every angle and therefore won’t let anyone get close, taking any chance to assume the worst about someone. 

Victoria, on the other hand, is someone who has recognized that people are complicated, but that only makes it worse because that instinct to hack and slash is tempered by her rationality and need to perform in society as someone who is put together. It’s the therapy effect, where your empathy fights your anger and justified hurt because you know that all people have good and bad in them, but SHIT don’t you wish that the fucker that hurt you was 100% evil and you could just hate them instead of letting them continue to hurt you. It’s a festering rage that fits the themes of disgust I already know Parahumans deals in, and it, as far as I can see, is setting up a story fundamentally about living with/moving past trauma and its associated depression.

And I love it! Like shit if this isn’t relatable! And as someone who is intimately familiar with the arc of Taylor-eque knee-jerk distrust to Victoria-like bitterness and pain to actually being able to let shit go and live without that constant corrosive pain and trauma? FUCK it’s something I am really looking forward to. 

I don’t need Victoria to be 100% fixed by the end of this, but even if this whole story is her spiral before her step forward, I think I will be happy with it. 

The End: Anyway- that was a lot longer than I intended it to be, but I hope y’all enjoyed my rambling thoughts! I’m about to start working through Daybreak so hopefully I will either find a way to make these smaller or break them up by chapters/half-arcs because as much as I like writing a lot, I understand that reading a lot is taxing! (But this is the Wildbow fandom so... y’all are probably used to it by now lol)

But yes: Let me know your thoughts in the notes/comments/reblogs/my asks/etc because I can tell I still have a Ton to say and it’s only the prologue... oof. 

Ward- out.✨

Aight fuckers I started Ward

Idk if people actually want like liveblogs or anything BUT I may post unhinged thoughts at the end of each arc in the rbs to this post. Because what is an art blog where I post art once every 3rd month if I don’t spam people with my unfiltered thoughts about a long af sequel to one of my favorite books ever?

Anyway Glow Worm is slapping so far and as soon as they booted up Parahumans Online it felt like home (despite having never used Reddit in my life lol). I’m already buzzing.

[anexperimentallife]

Okay, I know I'm complaining a lot about health stuff lately, but...

Thank Sagan the doc is letting me drop down to 40 MG of prednisone today. That 60 MG dose has been robbing me of sleep, and I think I was about to chew a hole on the inside of my cheek.

No really, I've been averaging maybe three hours of sleep a night for almost a week now. I am SO done.

They're just throwing everything at me now lol. Prednisone, and because Prednisone suppresses your immune system and I'm apparently immunocompromised anyway and got another sinus/throat/ear infection while on the prednisone, they also have me on antivirals, TWO antibiotics, anti-thrombosis stuff and vasodilators (because blood clots are a risk with long COVID), then extra vitamin supplements, and proton pump inhibitors so all the medications don't eat a hole in my stomach, then like, some stuff that the FDA won't let them make any claims about but that is SUPPOSED to help heal nerve damage, because it MIGHT help, and also some traditional SE Asian herbal meds because my doc is like, well it can't hurt, and it MIGHT help. Oh, and antihistamines, of course.

And probiotics, so the antibiotics don't mess up my guts too much. (I figure the antibiotics and probiotics are just slugging it out; I'm considering setting up a betting pool.)

I feel like a walking pharmacy.

@thesurestthing is picking up all my slack, as usual, but I still do what I can until she yells at me to sit down. I know it's hard on her seeing me like this, and taking care of a baby AND my crippled ass, even at the best if times. And this is definitely NOT the best of times.

Of course I hang put with El as much as possible, too, and although that is definitely something I love, it also gives Zoey a break from being a constant caregiver to both of us.

What kills me, though, is that although, usually if we have to go someplace, I INSIST on being the one to wear El on my chest in her little carrier, and I hate that I can't trust my vision or balance enough to do that right now.

Jhane (local girl who's step-dad kicked her out so, we took her in when I was still on the oxygen machine) was helping out, too (doing the dishes, sweeping up occasionally, keeping the baby occupied when Zoey was trying to cook and I was bedridden, etc.), but she managed to find a job, so she simply can't do as much anymore.

Proud of her, though. I kind of treat her like a surrogate granddaughter, and she introduces me as her fake Lolo. Once she starts getting paychecks she plans to move in with her brother. We'll miss her. El LOVES her ate (ah-tay, meaning, "big sister") Jhane. El can't say ate or Jhane yet, so she just calls her, "Te."

But although we'll miss her, once she moves in with her brother I'll be able to walk around the house naked again, so, you know, trade-offs.

Still, another thing that kills me is that we'd have saved almost enough for the SRRV by now if I hadn't gotten COVID. I know I keep saying that.

Anyway, here's your reward for reading all that lol.

[shysneeze]

phases of falling in love (ginny weasley x fem!reader)

Description: the painful process of reader falling for her Ginny Weasley, her best friend.

Warnings: angst af, I can’t think of anything else specific but please let me know if you come across anything and I’ll add it

Authors note: in love by khai dreams and she by dodie fit this in my head and are worth a listen.( edit, : i have a playlist here that fits this entire fic) . 

 ...

(Y/N) has decided that falling in love comes in three distinct phases: realisation, denial, and acceptance, though with various forms of panic in between.

No one’s ever boasted that falling in love is easy, the bitter angst of doing so the subject of too many pieces of literature to be doubted. Yet, no one’s ever told her it would be this hard, but she supposes the stakes were always going to be higher when it’s your best friend.

Realisation came first during a party, sat in a small group by the fireplace as the cheers and laughter so typical of a Gryffindor victory party raged on around them. They weren't much different from the others, talking loudly and laughing with their heads thrown back dramatically. They were discussing the game, (Y/N) thinks, though she can hardly remember now, nor was she particularly invested at the time. 

How could she be with her just across the from her, fair freckled skin aglow from the fire, who's light danced across her face with each flame’s flicker. Her hair tumbled down her shoulders effortlessly, as if it was pulled straight from the ponytail she wore during the afternoon's match.

That was the night she looked at Ginny  Weasley and felt something in her heart, longing perhaps, that went beyond mere friendship, the first night Ginny's smile made her chest tighten and her eyes finding hers with a wink made her gulp. 

It was the first time she looked at Ginny and saw her best friend but longed for more. 

Denial was easy after that, the whole thing flippantly dismissed as a fluke of the evening, blamed on the giddy feeling that accompanied the house’s victory that Ginny played such a vital part in securing. It was nothing more appreciation, awe.

Weeks later though, and the tugging in her chest still lingers, holding her hostage and controlling her every move.

It flares up unexpectedly, from a smile at lunch, a wave during matches or a laugh hidden behind textbooks during classes. There is an endless array of quirks and habits that (Y/N) has never once before paid attention to that now leave her stomach victim to butterflies and her heart to palpitations.

Yet the denial continues, excuses ranging from the outlandish to the self-deprecating. Perhaps an insensitive prank, a love potion slipped regularly into her morning orange juice, or maybe it’s just all in her head, a crush manifested from loneliness, from the desire to be loved by someone.

Excuses are easy to provide, yet even easier to disprove and it soon becomes clear that every attempt to deny her own feelings is fruitless. Acceptance looms over her, unmindful of the heart it’s about to break.

Acceptance comes reluctantly during an evening’s study in the library. There’s no blame to place on atmosphere this time, hidden together at the end of an aisle of shelves, sat across from one another at a desk most certainly made for one.

The characteristic smell of old books lingers in the air and speckles of dust are illuminated by a dim lamp as they float aimlessly around them. The light does nothing to highlight the red in Ginny’s hair the way the flames of the fire had during the party, or to draw the warm brown from her eyes,  yet (Y/N) is enamoured. 

(Y/N)'s quill hangs limply between her fingers, ink drying on the tip with a word half-finished on her parchment. Across from her, Ginny bites her lower lip in concentration, deep brown eyes scanning each word she writes, occasionally lifting her hands to fix the loose bun holding her fiery red hair from her face, ridding her eyes of the messy stray strands with a frustrated rush of air from her pink lips. 

(Y/N) gulps and panics slightly that in the quiet of the library, her best friend might hear the hammering of her heart in her chest. They're so close that their knees touch under the desk and (Y/N) is left unsure on whether to move her legs or not from fear of only drawing attention to it. 

She's trying to convince herself to act normal, that this is all normal, a scenario they've been in so many times before with procrastinated essays and last minute deadlines, that she has no reason to act any different, yet her heart races, and she can hear it in her own ears.

It’s terrifying.

She's mid inner quarrel when Ginny lets out a loud sigh of surrender and lets her quill clatter against the desk. (Y/N) blinks out of her daze, dropping her own quill in surprise and frowning at the red head. 

"Snape is asking for one of the twin's puking pastilles in his tea." She grumbles.

"They'd give you them for free if you tell them it's for Snape." (Y/N) manages a laugh. "How much more have you got to do?" 

Ginny peers at her own parchment, then at (Y/N)'s with a questioning frown, reaching over to snatch it into her hands. She examines it with arched brows and stifles a small laugh at whatever she's read. 

"Better than you- You've neglected to finish the word 'assignment', (Y/N)." She snorts softly. "It just says 'ass'." 

(Y/N) stands abruptly to grab it back from her amused friend with a quiet 'oi' and a flustered wide-eyed expression that only adds to Ginny's laughter until she's clasping her hand atop her lips to muffle the sound. 

"I got d-distracted." She explains embarrassedly. "It's just the first draft." 

"Oh no, I think you should hand it in as is." She grins. "I want to see Snape's face." 

"I'm not getting detention just so you can get a laugh." She argues. 

"Aw, come on." Ginny pouts. "Not even for me?" 

A part of her, a shameful part, almost instantly concedes to the offer, despite its teasing nature, just for Ginny's puppy dog eyes, which (Y/N) has until now been immune to. She falters for only a second before fixing her friend with a frown. 

"No, not even for you." She decides firmly. "Lets hear yours then, Gin." 

Ginny dramatically clears her throat with a grin, something that eerily reminds (Y/N) of her elder brothers, and begins to read aloud before (Y/N) stops her with an eye roll, cautious of the pacing click of Madam Pince's heels as she roams the aisles for the opportunity to evict noisy teens. 

"You'll be surprised to hear I finished all my words and never once spoke about my arse." 

"Sod off." (Y/N) rolls her eyes again. 

"Well, what’s got you so distracted you felt the need to conclude that you 'learned lots about counter curses from this ass'?" 

"You memorized it all ready?" 

"Of course." She beams cheekily. "How else am I to tell the rest of our friends?" 

"You are the worst." 

"You love me really though." 

(Y/N) worries when she can't laugh that off, when she falters for only a second, but enough to remind herself of this new and scary situation. She forces on a smile and hope she's been quick and convincing enough to seem normal, though something in Ginny's eyes tells her otherwise. 

"Are you okay, (Y/N)?" 

"Fine." 

"Hmm, you look nervous." Ginny hints. "What are you hiding? Is it a girl?" 

(Y/N) is exposed instantly by the involuntary widening of her eyes and Ginny grins menacingly at her from across the tiny desk. She leans over, palms flat against the desk and head so close to (Y/N)'s that their foreheads almost touch. 

(Y/N) forgets to breathe. 

"Who is it?" 

"No one." (Y/N) manages, edging back as subtly as possible. "It's not anyone." 

"Aw, c'mon." Ginny rolls her eyes. "Tell me." 

"You're going to make Madam Pince kick us out again." 

Ginny tuts, rolling her eyes and returning to her seat, allowing (Y/N) to drop her shoulders in relief. She sighs as she picks her quill up again, soaking the tip in ink with a rejuvenated intent to write, motivated by the chance to change the topic of conversation. 

"You're no fun." Ginny mumbles. "I'll find out." 

“There isn’t anything to find out.” (Y/N) exhales, not daring to look up from her parchment, knowing once again her expression will betray her. “Or anyone.”

“Oh, but there is.”

(Y/N) doesn’t need to look up to know the red-head is grinning, it’s evident in her voice. All she can do in response is take a deep, calming breath and continue with her work.

It’s not long before she can feel Ginny’s eyes on the top of her head and she freezes again, not sure when this became a talent of hers, to tell just from some new sixth sense that Ginny Weasley is staring at her.

“Can I help you?”

“Is it Willow Kings?”

“Been there, done that.” (Y/N) mumbles with a sigh. “She’s nice but talks about her owl too much.”

“Hmm.” Ginny hums in contemplation. “You’re not crushing on Pansy again, are you?”

In every single way, (Y/N) wishes that was her current shameful crush, rather than the girl currently interrogating her. When (Y/N) denies it, Ginny begins to hum again in thought.

“Luna?”

“Luna’s just a friend.” (Y/N) sighs, distinctly trying to convince herself the same thing about Ginny at this exact moment. “I’m not telling you, Gin.”

“Ugh, why not?” Ginny grumbles loudly.

The red-head’s face pales when the methodical clicking of the Librarian’s heels halts, wincing at what is soon to follow. The sound begins again, quicker and sharper as it approaches the pair.

“Shit.” Ginny curses, already gathering her work into her arms. “Here we go.”

“You two.”

The girls turn sheepishly to the other end of the aisle, where Madam Pince stares them down, one hand on her hip, other extended outwards to point at them with a disapproving look.

“We’re just leaving.” Ginny assures.

Ginny stands, reaching out innocently for (Y/N)’s hand and clasping it in her own to drag her to her feet as she splutters out protests, flustered instantly by the action. Ginny only gives her enough time to gather her things before pulling her towards the exit.

“S-low down, Ginny.” She pleads. “Sorry, Madam- “

The librarian scowls at them with an icy look as they squeeze past her towards the exist, Ginny’s laughter barely concealed as they go. (Y/N) can barely focus on anything other than the hand in her own.

Once in the corridor, convinced of their own escape from the strict librarian, Ginny flings he rhead back in a laugh, bun bouncing on her head at the action, cheeks flushed from the excitement of it.

“Every time!” She exclaims. “We get chased out every time.”

“I-“

(Y/N) is too stunned to form a sentence, stunned not by their actions, one’s regularly performed to avoid Madam Pince’s wrath, but rather how suddenly loud her heart is in her own ears.

She could blame adrenalin, it would be so easy to do so, but she knows it’s not. It’s many things, but not adrenalin. Instead Ginny’s laughter, her free and proud laughter so cheerful on her ears, it’s the baby hairs framing her face, endearingly messy, and it’s most certainly the hand still clasped in her own, warm and soft.

Acceptance, that final phase. No amount of excuses in the world could hide it now, that (Y/N) (Y/L/N) is undoubtedly, and most terrifyingly, in love with her best friend.

In this moment, watching Ginny’s grin, that infectious smile that has (Y/N) own lips pulling into a smile of her own, she’s about ready to risk it all for her, to tug her closer and ask, even beg, to kiss her.

“Ginny- “She starts

“Harry!”

Like that, the spell is broken and Ginny’s hand is slipping from (Y/N)’s and her feet carrying her towards the red faced boy-who-lived at the other end of the corridor, flinging herself eagerly into conversation with him and leaving (Y/N)’s smile to drop.

The tugging feeling in (Y/N)’s chest returns, and she finds herself back in reality. Ginny likes Harry, she always has, it’s been the topic of so many late-night teasing, how could (Y/N) possibly forget. It hurts though, in a way it never has before, a painful stab of reality sent straight to her heart.

(Y/N) has just learned for herself that falling in love is never easy, even if her heartbreak isn’t one likely to be documented as a great tragic romance in future. No one told her it would be this hard, but as she watches Ginny grinning up at the boy across the hall, her heart twists with the reluctant acceptance that, not only is she in love, but that her best friend is in  love with someone else. 

[bangtanpromptsfics]

acacia.

dialogue prompt #1: “Is this illegal?”

pairing: jungkook x reader

genre: f2l, fluff

word count: 1,590

warnings: alcohol consumption, swearing

summary: jungkook is in love with his best friend who would date anybody but him

a/n: these are meant to be for writing practice. feedback is greatly appreciated. it's really short but I hope you like this!! prompt is inspired from pinterest.

masterlist

“Is this illegal?”

Jungkook realises you are dumb, especially with all that alcohol from the party, or more so even without it. 

He takes a sip of his beer and tries to construct a safe sentence which won't come out as rude.

“Bitch”. Well he tried. “You want to rob someone? That too his Balenciaga jacket? ”

You are referring to Namjoon who is busy chatting up girls with his dimples and loads of knowledge, for which he is mostly known. Redefining sexy or something on that line. 

He was hosting this party for reasons you don't remember now anyways, it has something to do with his never ending list of achievements. And he basically invites most of the population of college. I mean free drinks so, whatever. 

“I'm cold Kook, and his jacket looks so warm. He didn't give it when I asked him politely, so let's steal it”, you slur, shifting your body weight around enough to not have your face planted on the floor. 

“You asked him? ”, he squeaks. “You can have mine”, he is removing his denim jacket in the next second, with a look of amuse of course and drapes it over your shoulder, “feeling better?”

“Yes!”, you begin to chime, “It smells like you too!”

Jungkook’s cheeks warm up instinctively. Though sometimes you are a pain in the ass, especially drunk, he had never complained about it. He shoots death glares and unpleasant nose scrunches of course, but nothing more. He'd been your friend for so long, so he should've been used to the random appreciation you give him. He should be immune to your flirty laughs, the way you look absolutely endearing with his hoodie on your small frame and definitely not clench his fist in jealousy when you go out for dates. 

Probably a very cliche best friend in one-sided love story, but he feels so much more complications than that. He was going to confess ages ago, but since you are dumb as I said, would jump around random guys, scare them off with your mouth and wonder why you are single. 

At times he wants to blow a punch to his face, like now, for being so crazy about his best friend, and being limited to only give you some sort of bro love until it's alas the final year of college and he completely misses the chance when you go to Paris for career. 

“Talk something Kookie”, you bump shoulders together to catch the boy's attention who is in deep thought. He was indulgent in walking you to your dorm, and it reaches by ten minutes, and he really just want to fucking kiss you before you go, but he can't. 

He faces you when you rest your face on his shoulder. “What are you thinking about hm?”, you ask. 

“Nothing”. Liar. 

“Well then I have something to say”, you remove your face and gaze on the ground, feeling a little sad already. 

For a second he is hopeful and he doesn't know why. “What about?”

“Yesterday’s date”. Ouch. But as always he is trying his best, “Oh totally forgot about it. How did it go? Any luck? ”

“He stood me up. That asshole didn't even show up. I guess he just wanted sex”, you kick a pebble out of frustration while Jungkook wants to kick his face. It breaks him that he doesn't stand a chance to show you how much you can be loved. That you are more than the body all boys crave and go. 

This time he kicks a pebble, and it jumps fairly up to land on some car’s window. 

“Careful”, you chuckle, “I don't have money for concession”.

“Y/n, why don't you understand when I say someone is playing you? I always warn you, but you choose to do your bullshit anyway”. He is aggressive, but he's just sad; broken. And even though you get it, it sets you off. 

“I am trying to find my soul mate”.

Jungkook couldn't help but laugh out loud, he thinks you are so innocent, so naive to let people run you over because of how soft your heart is. He even bends a little to catch his knees to support himself. 

“What?”, you scoff, crossing your hands across the chest. 

“You want to go on a date?”, he asks. And it takes him off guard too, more than you. But he seemed confident for the first time. Probably because the sober you doesn't remember the drunk you even in the slightest, or perhaps he thinks it'll go right. 

“Date?”, you repeat, “With you?”

“Yeah”

“Like… right now?”

“Yes”, he puts out his hand, waiting for you to join hands. 

What's the worst thing that's going to happen anyways? It's Jungkook, that one person who would give his life to protect you. 

He doesn't say anything for the rest of the walk. It's a bit rushed because he can't simply wait. A whole thunderstorm is rushing inside his veins and he wants to make everything about this just perfect. So perfect that you forget about every date you have ever been too. 

This is surely not the best date he had planned if he ever took you out, but it sounds alright on his mind and wishes it does the same on yours too. 

After a stroll, you're waiting for Jungkook behind some rented building. He returns with a ladder; enough to make it to the first floor. 

He makes sure to stand behind you and assure your safety. The rest of the way up was stairs, several tiring floors and heavy breath. 

He observes your face forms an ‘O’ out of surprise. 

At the rooftop of this building sits the most beautiful view of the city and thankfully starry sky to make things better. 

It's Jungkook’s self-reflection space to be exact. There were things he shared with you of course, you were each other's shoulder to cry on, but ever since he caught feelings for you, he is just afraid he'll end up ranting into a sudden confession and ruin the friendship. 

So he found other ways to cope. You however were convinced that it was some sort of “change” over time. Everyone changes and you believed it was just something of that sorts. 

“It's so beautiful! ”, you grin, “How come you never bring me here you meanie! ”, you smack his arm as you sit down on the ground beside him. 

“I was going too! ”, he fights back,  rubbing his arm. 

“This is a perfect date”, you begin after some moment of silence, “how come you don't go for relationships!? Girls will be so happy to be treated this way! ”

The first part of the sentence makes his chest warm out of pride, but it collapses to where it was before as you end. 

He just knows you'll never know how he feels unless he just says it, without beating around the bush. 

He doesn't say anything and instead gets up to take two cans of beer he had hid somewhere. You are way past your alcohol limit and acting knowingly for once, you reject. 

He opens his and chugs down half of it in one go. 

“Woah… hey Kookie you alright? ”, he flinches when your palm presses against his shoulder. 

“I want to kiss you really bad”.

Bad line of start. 

Your cheeks burn and turn vibrant shades of scarlet, expecting anything but that. But the more you continue to look at him, the more ethereal he looks; attractive, and someone definitely not deserving of petty friend zoning. 

He feels a pair of lips on his cheeks, startling him. He turns around to see your face breathtakingly close. 

He is really slow, studying every clue you give, once he is certain he is doing this with consent, he places both of his palms on your cheek and leans in. 

Jungkook wants to pinch himself because he thinks he is sleeping and it's just another one of his blissful day dreams. But when you nibble on his bottom lip, he thinks maybe not. You are really here, hands on his hair and kissing him. He holds your head more firmly as he begins to dominate the kiss, ambitious to let you know what he had been thinking about you for the past several years. 

His lips are flushed and glossy when you break off of him, but hands still on his body, on his shoulder, taking your time to catch your breath. 

“Y/n...I hope it's clear now. I like you. Like… . I really like you. And it had been killing me for years whenever I see you going behind other guys, sleeping with them just because they agree to take you on a date. Please Y/n, will you give me a…chance”.

Since the author had enough of Y/n’s dumbness as well, the story continues with Y/n accepting him, realising how blind she was. 

You feel already intoxicated by his lips so you give it a peck and hug him, “Yes Koo. And I'm sorry, for all this, and thank you so much for this date, I am looking forward to our second one”, you beam. 

He finds it cute how you think soulmates exist. He doesn't know about all that. He just knows you can make him happy and every heartbreak for you was worth it. So he smiles and nods, nothing conveyed after, until he takes you back to your dorm and kisses you one last time for the day. 

Thank you so much for reading!!

Original Content of ©bangtanpromptsfics

[nightowlfandom]

Eren Yeager- The Right Type Of Wrong (Part 2/2)

CHECKOUT MY MASTERLIST HERE!

2/2 LEGGO BITCH

Like I said this is half AU/Half Not Really

Leggo!

...

(FLASHBACK)

“What do you think is outside the wall?” you asked innocently. You and Eren had snuck out after curfew (before you were granted immunity to go/do whatever you want). You two snuck out to the tallest building and sat on the roof, staring into the night. “When this whole Titan thing is taken care of...if it ever get’s taken care of, what do you think is out there?”

“Who knows.” Eren said. “I do know this though...freedom is one hell of a drug. We’re not gonna know what to do with ourselves.” he lazily drew lines onto your hand with his fingertips. “I mean I do what I want anyways, but knowing I can do what I want without worrying about being chased around all day, it’s gonna be nice.”

“We’re gonna travel one day.” you giggled. “We’re gonna pack up everything and camp in the mountains for a few days.” you said determined. “You hear that universe! Make it happen!” you playfully threatened the night sky.

You had noticed Eren was quiet. “Hey...everything good?”

“Hm? Oh...Yeah I’m fine...just thinking...Come here.” He wrapped his arms around you and took you in a warm hug.

“Hey look!” you pointed at the sky, pointing out the brightest star. “That can be our star!” you clapped excitedly.

“Yeah...our star”

(Flashback end)

...

You tapped against the counter filled with boredom. It was 7:57 already. Three more minutes and you were out of there. You were ready to leave already. You silently hoped Eren was at least a second late so you could up and leave. 

You had no idea why you decided to dress up for this. You weren’t even the least bit excited for this. This wasn’t worth ditching your uniform, not by a longshot. Whatever Eren had to say, he had better make it quick. You hadn’t even bothered ordering a drink, you were sure your stomach couldn’t handle it in the first place. 

7:58

“Two more minutes.” you mumbled to yourself. “Ugh, I’m wasting my time.” you leaned against the counter, looking around the cozy looking pub. Why did you even agree to this!? Were you stupid?

Yes, yes you were.

7:59...

“Alright, I’m out of here.” you scoffed. “Wasting my god-damn time.”

“I believe I still had one minute left.” a voice startled you. “How rude.”

“We’ll you and timing aren’t exactly the best of friends, you can’t blame me for thinking the worst.” you replied, turning towards Eren. 

“Sorry, darling. Car needed gas but I’m here now, aren’t I?” He winked, taking a seat next to you. “Hey Barkeep! Get me my usual! Hope you can still hold your liquor.” 

“What do you think.” you yawned. “We’re here to talk...”

“Can’t we catch up first?” he feigned hurt. “Damn Y/N, I haven’t even been back a day and you’re already eager to get rid of me...how you been?”

“Busy.” you huffed. “Training, teaching, and fighting.” you replied. “Not in that particular order.”

“Hm...any boyfriend to speak of?”

“No.” you cut him off. “I haven’t had time for dating...”

“Oh, really?” he smirked. “Wonder why that would be.”

“You know why...” you snapped. “No guy that knows you has even tried to come near me, and incase you haven’t noticed, is pretty much everyone.”

“Oh baby, I’m just messing with you.” he threw an arm around your waist. “I know you could never be with anyone else.” he kissed the side of your head. 

“Where were you?” you narrowed your eyes. 

“...I had to leave.” Eren replied, suddenly glowering. “I had some thinking to do...I had to get myself together.” he took his arm back, leaning on the counter. “I wanted to tell you-”

“This one’s on me Eren, welcome back.” the bartender came back with two glasses and stalked off. He gave you a short look, almost asking with his own eyes, ‘Are you sure about this guy?”

“Yet you didn’t, you didn’t tell me.” you ignored him and rolled your eyes focusing back on Eren. “So what is it, then?” you raised an eyebrow. “You left, so why did you come back? Care to enlighten me on why you didn’t stay gone? You left every single one of your peers behind and for what? Why didn’t you stay in the hole you crawled into!” you got louder and louder, not caring if the other patrons could hear. “Care to explain?”

“I came back because of you, Y/N.” he replied. “I wanted to better myself...for you...I just hope it isn’t too late.”

“Bullshit.” you laughed harshly, taking the glass off the counter. “If you wanted to escape the corps, just say that.” you boredly drank. “You don’t have to tell me some dumbass story.”

“I didn’t want to escape the corps.” he denied the idea. “I’m being honest, Y/N.”

“If there’s one thing I know about you...it’s that when you say you’re being honest, I have to assume the opposite.” you sighed.

“You have to believe me.” he raised his hand to caress your cheek. “You know I wouldn’t lie to you.”

“Trust me, I believe a lot of things about you and I definitely don’t know what you would and wouldn’t do to me.” you huffed, placing the glass back on the counter. “I believe that you’re a selfish little-”

You didn’t have time to finish your insult because Eren swooped in and kissed you. Like he used to, he rested his palm on the base of your neck while he slithered his other arm around your waist. You practically melted into his touch, ignoring the disapproving glares of the other patrons. They’d never try to pull you apart though. Eren pulled away, still holding you. 

“That’s not fair.” you pouted, feeling your old self reach the surface. “You can’t do that.”

“You missed me.” he ignored your complaints. “You so fucking missed me.”

“Maybe a little...” you gave in. “Maybe a lot.”

“Good...good girl.”

“You left me.” you clenched your jaw, trying not to let your emotions show. “With a fucking note, Eren.”

“Yet you’re still wearing the dog-tags I left with said note.” he smirked at the chain that was peeking out from your jacket. You were sure you managed to hide them well. 

Eren found the necklace when he was out battling a titan once, it had burped out the necklace and he didn’t see the point in leaving it...so he took it, polished it and kept it. (Yo if this is offensive I am soooo sorry dude.)

He would up getting it engraved before he left it for you, like that would help.

Then again you wore them everywhere you went...so who was the moron?

“S-shut up...” you felt your face heat up violently.

... (NSFW themes ahead)

Your back hit the seat with a thud as Eren crawled over you, slamming the car door behind him. 

You were used to being acquainted with the backseat of Eren’s cars (whether they were his or not.) Your lips crashed together as he pinned your arms above your head. 

“Eren, we’re still in public!” you moaned as he trailed his mouth down your jawline. “I’m pretty sure people know what we’re doing here.” you whimpered.

“So? They sure as fuck won’t try and stop us.” he laughed. “Fuck I missed you, I missed you too much.” he groaned. “I thought about you every fucking day I was gone.” He ghosted his fingers under your shirt. “The only thing keeping me going was coming back for you.” he kissed up your exposed stomach, trailing his tongue along your scorching hot skin. “All our memories.” He bit his lip.

“Memories?”

“Remember when we used to fuck on that asshole Ackerman’s desk when he wasn’t there?”

“Yeah?” you trailed off. “Then we almost got caught -”

“Remember when you sucked my dick under the tables at our meetings and no one suspected a thing?”

“Eren, that’s so dirty.” you shyly covered your face with your hands.

“Remember when we’d fuck in the alleyways when we were supposed to be on guard, or all times we’d sneak out after curfew to do what we’re doing right now?” he bought up all the memories. He laced his fingertips into yours. “I don’t think that pussy of yours forgot...” he laughed darkly. “If I recall you convinced me a few times.” 

Eren kissed you again as he lifted your shirt over your head. “I stared at our star every night, wishing I could be closer to you.” he spoke in hushed tones. “Fuck Y/N, I missed you.” he groaned. 

You frantically unbuttoned his shirt, feeling his warm body collide with yours. The small space in the back seat only forced your two to get closer.

...

You laid on his check, basking in the afterglow of this moment. His chest rose and fell gracefully. His heart was racing...yours was too. 

Your clothes are thrown in the front seat with the exception of his jacket which was being used as a mini blanket to cover your back. 

“ We shook the car.” Eren commented with a laugh. “I’m sure people know what we’ve been up to.” 

“So what happens now?” you breathlessly asked.

“Well...I’m gonna get yelled at by Ackerman...probably get my ass kicked by our friends. Rejoin the corps...” he listed. 

“So you’re staying permanently?” You looked up at him, a glint of hope in your eye. 

“Of course.” he winked. “Course I gotta stay. Show these losers who the best titan killer is...and I don’t want you to think I don’t care about you.” he tightened his arms around you.

“Good...because if you leave me again...we’re done for good.”

“Ouch...what happened to my innocent Y/N?” he scoffed with laughter.

“I took a page out of your book.” you giggled before giving out a long yawn. 

You soon fell asleep to the sound of Eren breathing. 

[thevioletjones]

48. “You make me want things I can’t have.” 💜

Thanks for the inspiration! 💜

Prompt 3

Buffer

Ian Gallagher was starting to become a problem.

And the worst part about it was that he wasn’t even a problem that Mickey wanted to resolve. No. He just kept holding Ian closer and refusing to push him away like he should. He was just letting him ruin Mickey’s mediocre life. Because something about Ian was unshakeable. It wasn’t just that Ian kept coming back no matter what Mickey ever said or did, either. Ian was definitely persistent, but Mickey had formed an attachment too, even though he did everything in his power to hide it. It was still there, buried under layers of caustic remarks, aloof expressions, and occasional lashing out. He wasn’t proud of his behavior, but it was just who he was, and remaining unchanged in his ways was easier than the alternative.

Ian was definitely too good for him. Sure, he was hood trash too, but they were on two different levels. Ian was buffed up with a certain surface shine that Mickey lacked. Although, he would admit he’d come a long way in his style and hygiene game since his early days as an unwashed miscreant. Mickey was a gay man after all, and not immune to gaying certain things up, despite his tendency to flout homo conventions. If he wanted the ability to get a decent dick in his ass, there were standards that he’d learned to push himself to meet. This was the glossiest Mickey was ever gonna get, and it still came with a pinch of grime and hostility.

Maybe he’d developed enough sense to give a fuck, but he still didn’t give two shits either; a concept that walking contradictions the world over could likely comprehend.

The thing about Gallagher was that he was sweet. Not in an annoying, cloying, obvious way that was anathema to everything Mickey was about, but in a low-key, casual, incidental kind of way that somehow managed to be attractive, even to someone with Mickey’s abrasive nature. Ian played tough, and he genuinely was in many ways, but he had a gooey, marshmallow center that evened him out. Mickey didn’t see himself as having that sort of balance.

But there were these unsettling moments like this, usually in the middle of the night or early in the morning, when Mickey would catch himself watching Ian unawares. Unawares because he only ever did it when the redhead was deep in sleep. Suddenly, Mickey would be Mr. Contemplation, burning a hole into the face of the dude he was banging, daring to wonder what could happen between them if he wasn’t an emotionally stunted asshole. And then he’d reflect on what Ian’s life was like whenever he wasn’t around; the things Mickey acted like he didn’t care to know.

These circular thought patterns never led anywhere good, because at the end of the day, Ian wasn’t his. And Mickey could never be Ian’s. He’d long ago resigned himself to a certain destiny that involved long-term solitude until his dying day, which he’d always been fairly certain would come prematurely and most likely in violent fashion. It would be ridiculous to drag someone else into his vortex of apathy for life and the general traditions of living it. Especially someone like Ian, who was good; who helped people because he genuinely cared about, like, the well-being of humanity and shit. Despite the occasional soft look or revelatory comment that Ian would throw his way, he knew better than to think he’d want to be saddled with Mickey’s non-reciprocating ogre-y ass.

Usually when one of these intense, one-sided staring sessions would take place, Mickey would overcompensate for silently slipping by adding an extra dose of rudeness when he kicked Ian out after the fact. Honestly, he wasn’t even sure why Gallagher still bothered with him. It wasn’t like he couldn’t get laid elsewhere. Ian was the type that would never have trouble finding a willing ass. Yet somehow he kept coming back to Mickey and ignoring all the negatives thrown in his path. It didn’t make much sense on either of their parts… allowing each other in on any terms. Probably meant that Ian was just as fucked up as he was, really.

Blowing out the last hit off his smoke, Mickey glanced at the bedside clock and stubbed out the cigarette butt. 3:26 AM and he was wide awake, just gawking at his slumbering ginger fuck buddy, and trying to repress the multitude of emotions swirling within him. It was truly pathetic.

He could just get the hell up and drag his ass to the living room to play video games or watch late-night TV, but no. Apparently he liked suffering and feeling conflicted. What a pussy.

Not ten minutes went by before there was slow movement from the other side of the bed... Ian turning over in his sleep, reaching an arm out, and searching. Searching for the warmth of Mickey’s body, it would seem.

A big hand landed on his thigh, rubbing it softly as tired eyes blinked open, and a groggy voice sounded, “What’re’y’doin’?”

Oh, just fuckin’ lying here starin’ at your pasty ass for some reason. “Can’t sleep.”

“Didn’t wear you out?” Ian asked with a breathy titter, squeezing the sensitive flesh precariously close to Mickey’s groin.

Maybe it made his dick twitch a little.

“When did one round ever wear me out?”

“Pretty sure there were two rounds. Did you forget about the couch?”

“Random handies while watchin’ mediocre porn barely counts as a round, carrot-top.”

“A, it wasn’t that mediocre, and B, do you only consider it sex if penetration is involved?”

“I mean… it helps.”

“What about blowjobs, then? How would you classify them?”

“Sex act, but not sex, sex. Know what I mean?”

Ian laughed. “Not really. What about lesbians?”

“Definitely don’t wanna have my cock anywhere near those.”

“Har har. I mean, what would you call lesbian sex?”

“Gross? Boring? I don’t fuckin’ know. Never had it, don’t plan to.”

Ian laughed harder and it made Mickey feel good. “Pretty sure lesbians don’t want fuck all to do with you either, bottom boy.”

“Hey, likin’ what I like don’t make me a bitch.”

“No, but you seem pretty hostile toward anything but a real live human cock poking you in the asshole. I mean, naysaying getting your dick sucked? That’s a bold bossy bottom stance to take.”

“What can I say? I’m a simple man with simple kinks. Aren’t you glad I don’t need any freaky extra shit to get me off?”

“What kinda freaky extras are we talkin’?”

“Fuck off, Gallagher. Don’t act like you don’t just live for stickin’ that big red dick inside any tight manhole that’ll accommodate it. Does that make you a hungry top just begging for it?”

“I prefer ‘brutal top,’ since it’s so big, as you were so kind to mention.”

Mickey rolled his eyes into tomorrow. “Gotta remember to stop accidentally complimenting it. You get so fuckin’ uppity about it.”

Ian rolled over and boxed him in, nuzzling around his face and neck, while Mickey tried to bat him away.

“Come on,” prodded Ian. “Big hard cock seeks tight little hole for another round of deep penetration.”

Mickey could feel said big hard cock firming right up against his hip. “Ixnay on the cutesy man seeking man dirty talk, fuckhead. I will make you take that hulking boner elsewhere.”

“No you won’t,” Ian replied, humping down against him.

Of course he wouldn’t, but he had to front at least a little bit. That was the nature of his inner beast.

While they were fucking, Mickey could just let himself get lost in all the appropriate heightened sensations that really good sex immersed him in. Immersed him and Ian in. Ian and him. Them. Reveling in the pleasure of carnality was totally kosher… as long as it limited him from basking in that additional Ian stuff. That feelings stuff that he had no idea what to do with. That unfathomable connection that existed between them.

He let Ian kiss him a lot too. Like, a lot, a lot. That wasn’t customary for him with other dudes. In fact, it barely ever happened. It was just another habit Ian had slipped under the wire to form with him when he wasn’t paying enough attention. Mickey was pretty sure he’d kissed more girls in his life than boys, because that was always an easy, less disgusting way to publicly appear straight during the years he’d spent in the closet. With guys, there was nothing to prove and everything to hide, so it just wasn’t something he incorporated into his casual sex routine.

Before Ian, he hadn’t exactly attracted the kind of dudes that warranted sticking around for in any capacity, or who made any kind of effort to stick with him. There were never any near-miss boyfriends, or pine-worthy hookups. Sex was always transactional and he’d been perfectly fine with that arrangement.

The truth was that once he’d fucked up and invited Ian in for repeats over and over again, he started to figure out that the sex just kept getting hotter and hotter. That when two bodies really took the time to get to know each other, things fit better, motions got smoother, and orgasms got a thousand times stronger. Turned out that one-night-stands were not where the fuck it was at. Those were always crapshoots with odds that were at best 25/75 in favor of mediocrity. With Ian, it was guaranteed total fulfillment 100% of the time.

That was the only explanation he could find for this unexpected addiction he was stuck with. An addiction to Ian and his stupidly perfect cock. The rest of his body was alright too. And when he spoke, he wasn’t completely fucking annoying. His personality and his nature were tolerable. Mickey didn’t want to gouge his eyes out every time he got sucked into a conversation.

They didn’t really hang out, though. Outside of the bedroom, that is. It was like the whole game changed when they were in bed. They could fuck, they could goof around and have a laugh, they could wrestle, they could accidentally say something profound once in a while… but if Ian had a bag of food when he dropped by, Mickey wasn’t about to sit on the couch and watch TV with him while he ate it, and he definitely wasn’t going to accept a portion for himself.

Until tonight, that is. Or last night, or however the fuck time was identified when you were a natural night owl.

Tonight, they’d crossed another invisible line in the sand, and Mickey had found himself chowing down on tacos, while heckling some shitty 90s action film; his part-time lover chuckling next to him with a sloppy mouth.

It was fucking terrifying.

So as soon as he’d realized what was actually happening, and how much he didn’t hate it, Mickey had switched over to some hardcore porn. They’d cracked jokes about it at first, but it’d done the trick of quickly leading to the familiar comfort of sexual gratification. With that justification, Mickey could just sweep the whole ‘watching a movie and eating together like they were on a date’ thing under the proverbial rug without further examination.

At least until Ian had fallen asleep around 2 AM. Then it was dwell city.

By 4:30 AM, Ian had fucked him into the mattress once again, and promptly fallen back asleep without a care in the world. Mickey was more than sated, but felt even more awake than he had an hour ago, his brain full of fresh bullshit about the man next to him and what was happening between them.

He opened his bedside drawer and pulled out his stash, knowing the high would fog up his brain enough to go off on thought tangents, and eventually shut down for at least five hours. Within ten minutes, he felt a little better, or at least more distracted. He was still very aware of Ian’s looming presence in the darkness, though. He wanted to be comforted by it, but he just couldn’t relax.

There’d always been a buffer between them, which Mickey had been diligent in maintaining, and he could see it slowly falling away now. If he didn’t step up and push back, pretty soon there’d be no barrier left standing. Who the fuck knew what could happen then.

He hated it. He felt so fucking out of control, when it should be the easiest thing in the world to control. All he had to do was break it off. He knew exactly what to say and do to make that happen. Knew enough to be able to really hit Ian where it hurt, both literally and figuratively.

But goddamn it, he didn’t want to.

He didn’t want to make Ian sad, and he didn’t want to give into his own desire to try for more. He would always fuck it up, because he was a fuck-up by nature. His goddamn knuckles spelled it all out in block letters.

He wanted Ian, but he didn’t want the responsibility. Didn’t trust himself, because no one had ever trusted him before in his entire life. What kind of dumbass wanted that kind of damaged douchebag for a boyfriend? No sane one.

Against his better judgment, Mickey rolled closer to Ian and wrapped an arm around his middle, spooning him the way he secretly liked it when Ian spooned him. He held him close and breathed in his scent.

“You make me want things I can’t have,” he murmured to himself, exhaling heavily against Ian’s neck.

He fell asleep swiftly, and in the morning, he didn’t ask Ian to leave.