#I am not going alien hunting with you - Sonny | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

starr-fall-knight-rise · 5 years ago

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Humans Are Space Orcs, “The Press.”

I have been wanting to do this for a while. Commander Vir deals with fame, and the good and bad parts of it. I hope you like, sorry I am so late today :)

“Why exactly am I back on earth? My tour doesn’t end for another six months, and we were just getting ready for our first exploratory mission since before the burg war.”

“Look, commander, I understand this isn’t what you thought you were signing up for, but since the movie dropped recruitment has Gone up 45% and another 20% after merchandising, we need to get on this quick,”

He sighed

“Besides, you will only be touring one or two weeks. That’s one or two weeks paid vacation while you talk to celebrities, pose for pictures, and maybe do a press conference or two. Bring along a couple of friends to keep you company and it won’t be that bad.”

“Alright, alright, I get it, but I’m not a dancing monkey. I didn’t sign up for this, and it’s not going to becoming a thin.”

“Yes commander, now The UNSC is taking you first. You are their poster child after all, and they want your face on the recruiting posters .”

“Very well, ma’am.”

***

Wednesday, June 3

“This is good work commander, but we are going to bring in an expert to make it just right.”

Commander Vir stood in an empty hanger bay surrounded by reflective panels, directional lights and a multitude of camera equipment. Sunny and Krill were playing a guessing game he had taught them earlier in the day to keep them occupied, and Waffles -- his dog -- was curled up by one of the set technicians taking a nap.

“An expert?”

“Yes, we’re bringing in one of the guys who used to be a guard in Arlington. The uniform looks good, but is it perfect?”

The answer to that question was answered simply few minutes later

He was a slob, a big fat slob who didn’t know how to properly wear his socks. The guy even whipped out a tape measure to determine the exact distance that a pin should be placed from the crease in his collar.

Commander Vir didn’t see the difference on the small scale, but in aggregate, he found that the difference was actually quite startling. He blinked, “Wow.”

“Excellent, now, we’re going to have you stand over here while we adjust the lights, and then when we give you the cue we want you to follow the order to a T. We will have parade rest attention, present at attention and then contemplatively looking off into the distance. We will have someone with a marker to tell you where to look.”

“Stare contemplatively off into the distance. I don’t remember learning that one.”

“Ahh we got a smartass.”

He stepped into place doing as the cameraman ordered, trying to look serious and imposing as directed, though Sunny and Krill had decided to make faces in the background. He actually did loose it at some point as Sunny started doing some weird improvised dancing in the background while krill stood there like it offended his sensibilities.

Eventually they got what he wanted, and they showed him some of the prototypes.

There were a few that he liked but only because they looked like vintage movie posters from some badass naval war movie.

Thursday, June 4

The three of them walked into the studio watching as bodies flowed past them hurrying off in all directions. Obviously their presence caused quite a stir, and Adam thought he recognized a few faces peering from the crowd, other movies stars and celebrities, but he couldn't be sure what he was seeing. And then there were the women, and men who hurried about, tall, statuesque like greek gods given life, with jaws so sharp they could cut paper, and pouty lips under wide dark eyes.

Looking at them and then at himself, well, he felt like a dump truck next to a sports car.

Sunny on the other hand didn’t seem impressed, “I could snap them in half…. Like twigs.”

“Fighting isn’t the point Sunny, they’re just supposed to be hot.”

Krill eyed them, “Their single job is to profess the perfect mating standard?”

“Ur yeah, I guess.”

Krill snorted, Sunny shook her head ,’ What is the point of being hot if you’re also useless besides you don’t look all that different.”

He rolled his eyes. Leave it to an alien not to be able to tell what super hot humans looked like.

“I’m serious,” Sunny insisted, “You’re as tall as most of them, and more muscular than some of them, and you have a cool eye patch, so that means you win.”

He couldn’t help but smile shaking his head, “Alright, Alright, I’ll shut up.”

At that moment a woman appeared from nowhere and held out a hand, “Commander! So glad you could come, so glad.” She looked him up and down with a frown.”

“That bad huh?”

“Nothing a little wardrobe and makeup can’t fix.” She announced clapping her hands together and motioning others over as he frowned.

He frowned.

“What’s wrong with what I’m wearing “

“Do I tell you how to do your job commander, no, now over to wardrobe .”

He blinked in surprise, “Ok, yes ma’am.”

He found himself sidling over to where racks and racks of clothing was hanging suddenly surrounded by the tall, statuesque people with their big eyes and pouty lips. While they were busy looking hot, he got nervous and nearly knocked over an entire rack of clothing, blushed till he was beat red, and then decided after this was all over he was going to bury himself under a rock and die.

He was mostly ignored for like twenty minutes until someone walked over, “Commander,” He was a portly little man with hair dyed frost white though his roots were growing in black. The man grabbed him by the hand and dragged him across the room, “Alright, alright, what do we have.”

He looked him over prodding t his shoulders and arms, making him turn in a circle, “Not bad, not bad at all. I can work with this. Tell me commander formal, or casual.”

“Uh casual?”

“Exactly what I was thinking! The provincial small town man feel. I like it.”

“Well I mean ok…” the little man grabbed him aggressively by the arm and pulled him around to a rack of clothing. In the end he had a pair of jeans black boots a black T-shirt and a brown leather jacket.

He frowned, “I hate to point this out, but this is literally what I am wearing.”

“No it isn’t. Yours is frumpy and sloppy and ours will make you look acceptably rugged.”

He frowned not sure if he was supposed to be offended or not, “And where am I supposed to change.”

“Right here.”

“Right here!’

“Commander, these are models, they show their bodies off for a living, none of them need a changing room, so take a leaf out of their book and stop worrying.”

This was worse than a high school locker room. Humans had never reached light speed, but he was pretty sure he at least broke the sound barrier while pulling on the new pants.

When he walked back over pulling on his jacket sunny and Krill had made themselves comfortable in a couple of the stage crew chairs, “What are you so nervous about, you looked fine.” Sonny said looking down at her implants to change music.

“You were watching me>”

“Was I not supposed to do that.”

He felt himself turn a nice shade of cherry red, “No!.”

She shrugged, “Whatever.”

Krill just shook his head, “You forget that neither of us wear clothes, so we do not understand your issues.”

He sighed, “Nudists.” He muttered walking towards the set, though he was immediately diverted by another person who led him over to a set of chairs and mirrors. He was pushed down into a seat and spun around and an aggressive group of stylists moved in on him. This is honestly not what he had expected when he joined the army.

He was even less impressed when they started to stick brushes in his face causing him to blink and his eyes to itch. Someone wetted down his hair and put product in it that smelled like strawberries, which, honestly he wasn’t entirely annoyed about.

From there he was finally let go and walked onto another photo set, though this one had way more lightning, way more cameras and way more props.

And of course like the awesome badass commander that he was, he stood there like a complete idiot as stiff as a board, caught like a deer in the headlights. The photographer seemed more than a little annoyed at his inability to look like anything other than sasquatch caught on a hunting camera.

“Relax.”

“This is kind of out of my element.”

“Being capture by aliens and going on space walks where you might suffocate, and you cant relax enough to take a picture.”

“To be fair, no one sees me when I am doing badass stuff, so I don’t have the social pressure of preforming well.”

They tried some more.

They told him he was smiling awkwardly, or like he was being threatened at gunpoint.

It wasn’t until Sunny started doing stupid dances behind the camera-man, again that the photographer finally started to like what he was seeing. Every time he turned to look at what Vir was smiling at, Sunny would stop dancing trying to look all innocent.

That just made him laugh.

At some point one of the people had a great idea to involve waffles, and -- like the good girl that she was -- she promptly stole the spotlight, which he was totally cool with.

Photoshoots were definitely not his thing.

He was about 100 percent sure when the photos came out they would look like his last middle school yearbook picture.

Even thinking about it made him grimace.

Friday, June 5

“And please help me to welcome our next special guest, Commander Adam Vir of the UNSC.”

His legs felt like jelly, and it took sunny nudging him to finally get him moving onto the stage. He wondered if people could tell just how bad his legs were shaking.

And there was a twitching going on in his right cheek that he just couldn't stop.

He wanted to go back to the hotel and watch dumb TV With Sunny while krill complained about the medical inaccuracies.

But here he was listening to clapping and cheering from an assembled studio crowd. He was sure he was going to do something massively stupid, like trip off the stage, or rip his pants or forget his own name, or something.

The host stood up, he was blanking on their name right now though he knew they were ridiculously famous.

He shook hands with them.

“So glad you could come commander.”

“A pleasure to be here.” He responded robotically hoping that his smile was at least somewhat convincing.”

He took a seat on the couch, resting a hand against his shaking right leg.

He was going to puke.

“So, i Heard you have been on tour for the past two days, how are you enjoying the celebrity circuit.”

He rubbed his hands against his legs, “Do you want the real answer or the fake one?”

“Lets hear the real one.”

“Er, well it turns out I am really bad at…. Pretty much everything that’s not captaining a ship. Yesterday I did a photoshooot where I am ninety percent sure I looked like an awkward cryptid most of the time. People are going to be looking at those photos and wondering in what swamp they found me.”

There was laughter from the crowd.

He wasn’t entirely sure if that was funny or not.

“I am sure they aren’t as bad as all that.”

He shook his head, “Pretty sure my face was like this…” He raised his hands making a wide-eyed shocked expression that had the crowd laughing again.”

The host smiled, “Commander, Forgive me for asking, but how old are you.”

He smiled sheepishly, “Um, lets just say too young and leave it at that.”

“I was sort of under the impression that commanders and admirals were….”

“Old wrinkly dudes?”

“Yeah.”

He rubbed the back of his head, “That’s mostly true, the reason I got this position has to do with my experience with extra terrestrials.”

“I’ve heard rumors that you have aliens on board your ship. Is that true.”

“Those shouldn’t be rumors, that is entirely true. We have a twenty….three person Drev clan, a Vrul medical officer, a starborn, and some miscellaneous others.”

A muttering from the crowd, “But you were part of the Drev war, and Operation Steel eye. How did an entire Drev clan end up on your ship?”

He shrugged, “The story is complicated, but the long and short of it is, I made friends with some Drev after the war, and they adopted me into the clan.”

“Can we…. See, the prosthetic I mean” He held up his hands, “Not to be disrespectful.”

He shrugged, “sure.” Reaching down and tugging up his pant leg so the bright blue carapace glittered in the bright studio lights.

The man leaned closer, “Wow…. What…. What is that?”

“Drev carapace.” He dropped the pant leg.

“Why?”

“That is actually the reason I am adopted. A drev has to give you a gift that contains a piece of their own armor, so my best friend made this for me some time ago.”

They talked about that for a little while. They talked about the war, they talked about his first moment on an alien planet.

“I was actually on the original mission to land on Proxima b. I was the shuttle pilot behind Captain Kelly, though I don’t know how many people knew that.

There was a murmuring around the room.

“I know it was broadcasted live, but luckily the cameras were pointed away because when I was getting out of the shuttle, my foot slipped on the stairs.” The crowd gasped and giggled, “And I face planted right onto the surface.”

More laughing.

“That is my legacy, the first man to take a nose dive on an alien planet.”

“I would say that your legacy contains a lot of strange instances. There are reports that you recently escaped from kidnapping by a prodigum by… Singing? How did that work?”

He rubbed the back of his head, “Well that is… that is.” he laughed nervously, “Yes that is a thing that happened. I and my friend Sunny were captured by a criminal overlord for entertainment in his little criminal syndicate. They had cages lined all along the ceiling and inside them were other humans. Turns out the Prodigum react to human singing like a drug, so I was asked to sing, luckily for me one of the woman in the other cage was a voice coach, so a few days of starving and being miserable, she taught me how to sing properly, or a little more properly, and then I sang a super sad song, distracted everyone long enough for y friend to escape and call for help.”

Gasping and more laughter around the room.

“Wow…. Your life….”

“Reads like a strange cartoon doesn’t it.”

From the crowd, “Sing for us!.”

The call was taken up a few more times.

He shook his head, “No no no, no I am not going to sing on international television. I have embarrassed myself enough this week.”

“You now commander, you wouldn’t want to disappoint the public.”

He could feel the heat rising into his face as the rest of the crowd took up the chant.

He tried to protest, but that didn’t seem to be working.

Eventually he held up his hands “Ok, ok, but if my voice cracks…. Just don’t laugh.”

“And you were without accompaniment.”

He sighed, “Yeah it was a Capella. They didn’t exactly give me a soundtrack.” he stood taking a few deep breaths and humming to himself. His legs were shaking even worse than before.

He rubbed his hands nervously together.

The studio went very quiet.

He felt sweat trickling down his back between his shoulder blades.

He took a deep breath and….

His voice came out loud and clear, though it quivered slightly. He tried to shore it up as he continued, taking deeper breaths trying to get more control. He tried to find that place where he had been back in the cage. The sort of hopeless anguish he had tried to convey. His voice did quake a few times, but he was ok with that.

At least he didn’t do something super stupid like fall off the stage.

He cut it off hallway because his legs were shaking so bad, he thought that any worse might cause him to fall over.

The crowd began to clap as he collapsed back into his seat taking a deep breath.

“Wow, that is pretty impressive for someone who says they don’t sing. Bet the person who wrote that didn’t think it would be used to escape alien kidnappers.”

“Whatever it was, it worked. But” he lifted his hand, “I’m shaking so bad right now.”

The man shook his head, “That form someone who doesn’t shake when he flies jets at thousands of miles per hour.”

He smiled, “The jet isn’t going to judge me if my voice cracks. I think you will find aliens and airplanes are a lot less scary than humans. Don’t get me wrong humans are great , you guys just scare me half to death.”

Saturday, June 6

A flight demonstration over the beach, which was pretty good

Sunday, June 7

Dinner with a few important famous people

Monday, June 8

Dinner with some politicians.

Tuesday, June 9

He visited some UNSC bases up and down the western coastline talking to servicemen and visiting some other people

Wednesday June, 10

The magazines came out, and they actually managed to make him look pretty good to his surprise, though he was pretty sure the picture had been taking while Sunny was doing something with her hips that Drev hips had not been designed for, which eventually made him laugh so hard he had choked.

Thursday, June 11

This was his last day, and he had one more press conference to attend, than he could go home. He was wearing his formal uniform, captain’s cap, cords, gloves and everything else. There were at least ten microphones on the lectern in front of him, and a crowd of reporters below. Lights blinded his eyes.

Behind his back, the UNSC flag outlined him in bright blue.

He was getting ready for more questions about the Burg war or wearing the steel eye armor.

He nodded to one of the reporters in the front.

“Commander, do you want to explain to us why, on UNSC time you were reported as supporting an LFIL protest when you were supposed to be acting as neutral crowd control.”

He felt the blood drain right out of his face.

He was not ready for this.

Inside his brain went blank. He stammered for a second, suddenly feeling like a little kid giving a class presentation while all eyes stared at him. More cameras flashed, “I…. I was doing what I thought…. Needed to be done to keep the protest civil.”

“That was not your job!”

More yelling until the crowd was shushed, “Look, the GA wasn’t seeing any of their representative. I simply explained their side of the story to the GA, and they decided to lift the ban on their own.”

“Directly going against the policies of the UNSC was a gross breach of your contract commander, and we are all having a hard time understanding why you have not been disciplined for it.”

“You have no idea what is on y contract. My job is to foster peace throughout the galaxy, and THAT is what I did.”

“Some people see it as a direct attack on our way of life. You are helping spread disease poor moral values throughout the galaxy.”

He felt his face burning, “What makes you think their relationships have anything to do with you NONE of them live on earth or on Mars. They do not interact with you, they do not bother you, they do not THINK about you. And no they are not spreading disease because every person who leaves earth receives a full disease panel. You are more likely to have communicable diseases than they are.”

Uproar.

He shouldn't have said that.

“You are spreading extrial propaganda, and now that you are the face of the UNSC you are having an impact on our children, so t is your duty to uphold the values of the Human public.”

His hands were gripping white onto the lectern, “It is my job to uphold MY values and if the UNSC doesn’t like what I am doing they will fire me, so that is none of your concern.”

“Commander Vir, are you an extrail.”

The room went very silent suddenly. His heart was hammering in his chest.

“You are out of line. My personal life whatever it may entail has no bearing on my work, so you will either ask me professional questions or we are done here.”

“But you haven't denied it!” Someone else shouted.

“That question doesn't deserve an answer either way. If i tell you, that means I am justifying myself to you, which I have no desire to do, and if I were to confirm the other way, I would be bringing a personal issue into a political light, which would also be inappropriate. Either way I will not answer you. Unless there are any more questions that involve my work and not my personal life…”

He wouldn’t budge forcing them to change the subject.

His hands were shaking again, but this time it was out of anger. He had to breathe very slowly to keep himself calm enough.

***

Headlines

Commander Vir Extrail or Normal

SCANDAL: UNSC’s Golden boy involved with aliens?

Press conference turns to barbed comments.

LFIL Propaganda

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optimismrpt · 4 years ago

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SCI FI FC MASTERLIST

below the cut is a masterlist of sci fi fcs with a focus on alien and robot fcs. It’s not quite finished since I still have some to add but I’ve got a good start going! If there are any you can think of that I missed please tell me (especially in regards to star trek characters as i have never seen the show)! if you are looking for a masterlist of high fantasy fcs click here!

MCU

Nebula - Karen Gillan (gif icons!)

Gamora - Zoe Saldana (gif hunt!)

Mantis - Pom Klementieff

Ronan - Lee Pace

Thanos - Josh Brolin

Laufey - Colm Feore

Red Skull - Hugo Weaving

Korg - Taika Waititi

Korath the Pursuer - Djimon Hounsou

Taneleer Tivan - Benicio del Toro

Malekith - Christopher Eccleston

Ebony Maw - Tom Vaughan-Lawlor

Corvus Glaive - Michael Shaw

Proxima Midnight - Carrie Coon

Minn-Erva - Gemma Chan

Talos - Ben Mendelsohn

Rockett Raccoon - Bradley Cooper

Groot - Vin Deisel

Drax - Dave Bautista

Yondu - Michael Rooker

Ayesha - Elizabeth Debecki

X-MEN

Mystique - Rebecca Romijn

Nightcrawler - Alan Cumming & Cody Schmidt McPhee

Blink - Jamie Chung & Fan Bingbing

Azazel - Jason Flemyng

THE MANDALORIAN

IG-11 - Taika Waititi

Kuiil - Nick Nolte

Xi’an - Natalia Tena

Burg - Clancy Brown

Qin - Ismael Cruz Córdova

Q9-0 - Richard Ayoade

STAR WARS

K2SO - Alan Tudyk

Chewbacca - Peter Mayhew

R2D2 - Kenny Baker

C3PO - Anthony Daniels

Yoda - Frank Oz

Darth Maul - Ray Park

HELLBOY

Hellboy - Ron Perllman & David Harbour

Abe Sapien - Doug Jones (gif pack!)

Prince Nuada - Luke Goss

Princess Nuala - Anna Walton

Johann Kross - John Alexander

DCEU

Killer Croc - Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje

DC’S DOOM PATROL

Cliff Steele - Brendan Fraser

I, ROBOT

Sonny

I AM MOTHER

Mother - Rose Bryne

STAR TREK: DISCOVERY

Airiam - Hannah Cheesman (gif pack!)

Saru - Doug Jones

Po - Yadira Guevara-Prip

STAR TREK

Jaylah - Sofia Boutella

Keenser - Deep Roy

Nero - Eric Bana

EX MACHINA

Ava - Alicia Vikander

THE MACHINE

Ava - Caity Lotz

CLOUD ALTAS

Meronym - Halle Berry

ALITA: BATTLE ANGEL

Alita - Rosa Salazar

LOVE, DEATH + ROBOTS

K-VRC (gif pack!)

X BOT 400

SCYFY DEFIANCE

Stahma Tarr - Jaime Murray

Datak Tarr - Tony Curran

Irisa - Stephanie Leonidas

TRON: LEGACY

Castor - Michael Sheen

Gem - Beau Garrett

AVATAR

Jake Sully - Sam Worthington

Grace Augustine - Sigourney Weaver

Neytiri - Zoe Saldana

RED DWARF

Cat - Danny John-Jules

TERMINATOR

Marcus Wright - Sam Worthington

The Terminator - Arnold Schwarzenegger

JUPITER ASCENDING

Caine - Channing Tatum

#rpt #rpc #fc masterlist #nonhuman fc #underused fc

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theliterarywolf · 6 years ago

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So, Let’s Talk ‘Love Death and Robots’ (Episodes 1-9)

Netflix's newest foray into the world of adult-oriented animation Love Death and Robots is one more nail in the coffin of the notion that any adult cartoon has to suck off the teat of Family Guy or South Park.

The spiritual successor to the 80s sci-fi animation anthology Heavy Metal (in more ways than one, since LDaR was originally supposed to be a Heavy Metal reboot but lack of funding and copyright hell got in the way), Love Death and Robots gives us 18 different short stories brought to the screen in the medium of animation that range in all emotions from shock, horror, disgust, sympathy, hope, and, yes, even sadness.

Just like I did with Season 4 of Black Mirror, I am going to give my personal thoughts on each segment for those who want to know what they're getting into. However, since each of the stories in Love Death and Robots only range between 8 and 17 minutes, I will not go into spoilers.

Also, to do things a bit differently, I will also add in the ratings of 'Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?', to reveal if the sci-fi elements in a story were prominent or if it was more fantasy-oriented, and 'Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?' to reveal, well, just that.

Tl:Dr – I personally found Love Death and Robots to be a very-much welcome breath of fresh air to both the fields of adult animation and anthology shows. I forget what medium/site posted it but there's the sentiment of Love Death and Robots being what Black Mirror has been striving to be for its past two seasons.

And, yes, that comment is pretty damn appropriate. Love Death and Robots elegantly combines the darkness and unease of the technological unknown of the scientific condition with looks at the human condition as well as snarky dark humor. If you can stand blood, gore, and the occasional female-presenting nipple, you should definitely give it a watch.

And now, for the actual thoughts on each story individually. Remember, no spoilers.

Episode 1 - Sonnie's Edge

Be still, my Teratophile heart. Love Death and Robots' first entry hits the ground running, slashing, and biting with a strong female character and the dismal underground world that she’s successfully made her bitch. The first half of this short grabs you and doesn't let go until the second half starts and, admittedly, slows things down. Breathtaking for sure, Sonnie's Edge isn't my personal favorite of the anthology, but I can definitely see where a good chunk of the money went for LDaR.

… I also see this story getting the same treatment by tumblr that this website did to the San Junipiero episode of Black Mirror.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Bio-Mechanical Engineering of minor-kaiju type monsters. Also, the mental link software used for fighters to connect with said creations.

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

Yes, yes, a thousand times yes to a TV series of Sonnie's Edge. Unlike some of the other stories in LDaR, the nuances and universe set up by the brief glance we got would work wonders if worked into a 12 episode show.

Episode 2 – Three Robots

In the biggest full-frontal flip of tone, Three Robots yanks us out of the grimy Cyberpunk future of Episode 1, to a comedic look at a post-apocalyptic one with our titular three robots taking a sight-seeing tour through a long-decimated city. Discussions are had about human nature from a neutral, but still comical, outside point of view and that's all I will say because, going any further will bring in spoilers.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Three of them, in fact, each representing a different aspect of robotics: one sleek and cold-looking, one humanoid with a neutral face, and the human-friendly models.

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

Honestly... No. The story, as well as its ending serve their purpose best at the length and scope it has in its run-time.

Episode 3 – The Witness

'Yeah, but –'

No.

'If you just –'

No.

'It really is one of the best on--'

NAH, G, THIS AIN'T IT!

There needs to be a phrase: 'Cool Universe; Shit Story, Brah' to slap onto pieces of media that have a great aesthetic and a great universe on display... But just an awful story.

Because The Witness fits that phrase to a tee. If anything, the only aspect that The Witness has going for it is the stark color scheme against the dismal urban landscape and the sex.

Lots. And. Lots of boob-shots and bush-shots in this one, folks.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Did it? I don't even know what kind of technology was displayed in this episode. Apartment-based leather sex-clubs?

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

This would probably have been much better if it had an hour or so to build up the characters and the twist rather than flashing everything at a breakneck pace and forcing us to sit through a drag of a story.

Episode 4 – Suits

(No gif for this one; tumblr, you guys are slacking)

Best. In. Fucking. Show.

This one is definitely one of my top two favorites for the entire series. Everything is there: character, universe, writing, it's all great. Especially since, considering that it follows the 'Last Stand' trope and it would have been extremely easy for the writers to go 100% grim and miserable.

No, that... * sigh * that comes later.

You like farmers? You like mechas? You like farmers in mechas fighting aliens? You will now!

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Yes, several of them!

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

If we ever got to a point where Pixar made films for adult audiences, a feature-length look at the universe of Suits would be the vein they would need to hit.

Just maybe with a less noticeable frame-rate 'style'.

I'd also like to add this: a lot of people these days seem to have the issue with sci-fi and fantasy-oriented media because they feel as though they only cater to kids/teens (either the characters will be 'young adults fighting “teh systemzz” or high school bullshit). That and the worlds depicted don't draw anyone in due to how... unrelatable they are.

The fact that the characters in Suits are your typical hard-working, middle-aged farmers just trying to live their lives... while still having to fight carnivorous aliens in mecha-suits re-purposed from farming equipment really makes the short seem that much more human.

Episode 5 – Sucker of Souls

(No gif, again...)

Oh boy! The Castlevania Cinematic Universe looks great!

Seriously, this was the first moment during my viewing of LDaR were I was left wondering 'I thought... this was a sci-fi anthology..?'

That being said, though, I'm always a sucker for unique hand-drawn animation and the abrasiveness of the characters flow nicely together. Even though you can pretty much tell, at the five minute mark, that things may not end up too well, it's a fun ride in the same vein as the Brendan Fraser Mummy films.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Well, you see, the thing is, I – No.

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

It probably could be a good Adult Swim animated series (in the same vein as The Venture Bros). But, other than that, it stands fine on its own.

Episode 6 – When the Yogurt Took Over

(Gif not from the show but still appropriate)

This... Seems to be the dividing point for a lot of people in regards to LDaR. You have a lot of people saying 'Oh, this one was dumb; it didn't make sense' or 'the animation was too cute to be so gruesome'.

Everyone is entitled to their own opinions. However, a lot of the people complaining that it was dumb or didn't make sense probably didn't grow up with the same dark comedy/gallows humor that many of us did/have sought out. Things like Little Shop of Horrors, Dr. Strangelove, Sayonara Zetsubou-sensei, Dead Like Me, Metalocalypse, Black Dynamite (the animated series), and others that I can't find right now because Google keeps trying to recommend me to Family Guy of all things when I type in my searches.

The story here is short, poignant, and pretty close to home despite the title giving you what you're getting on the tin.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Not really a robot... But the scientists in the story were working with genetic engineering. So, there you go.

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

Mm... No. This is another 'watch it as is and get the best effect' story.

One more thing, though: The Narrator of this story is none other than Maurice LaMarche.

Mother-fucking BRAIN from Pinky and the Brain!

Episode 7 – Beyond the Aquila Rift

It is... so hard to do Cosmic Horror correctly in recent times. The notion of creating tales that show just how small we are in the grand-scheme of the sleeping nightmare behemoths who keep the universe running in the space between their frantic thoughts... Is overwhelming to a lot of people. So a lot of first-time attempts at it ultimately fail.

This story, Beyond the Aquila Rift, is one of my favorite entries to LDaR. Right up there with Suits.

And I will leave it at that.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Space-travel, hibernation gel/tubes, space-stations.

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

And even that is a hard maybe because while you could build up the characters and their relationships a bit more, the resolution of this story works fine either way.

Episode 8 – Good Hunting

Is... Issat – Is that GOOD Steampunk in front of me? Oh Lord, it's been years! More hand-drawn animation for this one but the way it melds not only technology, magic, imperialism, and friendship but still incorporates the message that technology and progress can be used for great good and great evil... It depends on the morality of those wielding/pushing for it... Is really a high point in both writing and execution.

The animation, especially whenever the technological aspect comes in, really shines.

… You know, in hindsight, that last line could be seen in bad taste.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

The whole set-up is British Imperialist forces bringing Steampunk and subjugation to China. So, yeah, a lot of copper and a lot of steam in here.

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

I know I've been shoving everything into 'could shine as a film on its own' category, but Good Hunting really is the type of story I would love to see expanded out and directed by someone like the late Satoshi Kon (Paranoia Agent, Paprika, Millennium Actress).

Episode 9 – The Dump

(Honestly, I’m not even sad that I can’t find a gif for this one)

This one... Ah... This one.

I ... Hm.

Y-you want to see old, dangly redneck penis? Y-you see old, dangly redneck penis for a good few seconds in this one.

But, yeah, this one is definitely... a story. Your typical 'stuffy white-guy pencil-pusher comes to scare old, grungy countryman off of his land/old, grungy countryman decides to tell stuffy white-guy pencil-pusher the story of why he's on said land...

And to go any further would be spoilers.

It's not bad, it's just... Interesting.

Did it Have a Robot – Yes? Or No?

Well, it depends. Do you see pollution as more an aspect of sci-fi or an aspect of socioeconomic discussion?

Could this Stand Its Own as a Feature Film/TV Series?

I don't think anyone would want to see more of this story in either form, truth be told. It exists fine on its own.

And that's Part 1 of my little write-up on Love Death and Robots. This got a little long so I'll be posting Part 2 tomorrow and linking it HERE when I do! Seriously, if you can you should definitely watch the series and support some good adult animation so Netflix will push for more stuff like LDaR, Bojack Horseman, Aggretsuko, and The Kirlian Frequency... And less stuff like that damn 'Brickleberry But They're COOOPS This Time~!!'

#Wolf Watches #love death and robots

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gokinjeespot · 5 years ago

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off the rack #1288

Monday, November 18, 2019

Winter arrived early this year and is here to stay. I started a project yesterday going through our photo albums and labelling them to help when we want to look for a particular picture. I ended up scanning a bunch to send to friends and family to share in a bit of nostalgia. It was fun going down memory lane.

The Immortal Hulk #26 - Al Ewing (writer) Joe Bennett (pencils) Ruy Jose (inks) Paul Mounts (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). So Bruce/Hulk has commandeered a Shadow Base site and has declared that he and his supporters are going to change the world. He spends a lot of time arguing with one potential ally while another ally listens in. Meanwhile the media paints Bruce as a terrorist and the far right go on the attack. I have an interest in current world affairs and this book reflects what is happening right now, which makes for a very interesting read. The Hulk isn't going to rampage willy nilly but has a specific target in mind.

Guardians of the Galaxy #11 - Donny Cates (writer) Cory Smith (pencils) Victor Olazaba (inks) David Curiel (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). This is a very quick read since it is mostly good guys fighting bad guys and setting up next issue's conclusion where someone saves the day.

Detective Comics #1015 - Peter J. Tomasi (writer) Doug Mahnke & Jose Luis (pencils) Christian Alamy, Keith Champagne, Mark Irwin & Matt Santorelli (inks) David Baron (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). Mister Freeze successfully resurrects his wife Nora and then throws her into the deep end of crime. I can't blame her for going off the deep end and kicking Victor to the curb. Meanwhile, Batman, Lucius and Alfred race to find a cure for the innocent victims that got frozen. Will Mister Freeze help? The art in this issue really stood out.

Event Leviathan #6 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Alex Maleev (art) Josh Reed (letters). The identity of Leviathan is revealed and it's no one that I know. You're going to have to Google Mark Shaw to learn more. I care more about what he and his minions are going to do next.

Runaways #27 - Rainbow Rowell (writer) Kris Anka (pencils) Kris Anka & Walden Wong (inks) Dee Cunniffe & Jim Campbell (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). The kids don costumes and head out to fight crime with Doc Justice. Cosplayers are happy.

Punisher Soviet #1 - Garth Ennis (writer) Jacen Burrows (pencils) Guillermo Ortego (inks) Nolan Woodard (colours) Rob Steen (letters). Punisher fans rejoice. This is a top notch team telling a two-fisted tale of Frank versus the Russian mob. Throw in a copycat crime fighter and I'm hooked for the rest of this 6-issue mini. Welcome back Garth.

Elfquest Stargazer's Hunt #1 - Wendy and Richard Pini (story) Sonny Strait (art) Nate Piekos (letters). The more things change, the more Elfquest stays the same. I recognised these elves immediately and decided to see what's up with them since I was really into Cutter and Skywise from the very beginning going back forty years. We catch up with Skywise in this new story. He's got a young daughter now and lives in a peaceful fairy land called Starhome. If you like pure fantasy you should give this a try

Harley Quinn & Poison Ivy #3 - Jody Houser (writer) Adriana Melo (pencils) Mark Morales (inks) Hi-Fi (colours) Gabriela Downie (letters). The girls going to the Mad Hatter for help wasn't a good idea. Jervis almost manages to control them for his own nefarious purposes. Now they're on the road again to who knows where. I'm hitching along.

Black Cat Annual #1 - Jed MacKay (writer) Joey Vazquez (art: Felicia & Peter) Natacha Bustos (art: Bruno) Juan Gedeon (art: Dr. Korpse) Brian Reber (colours) Ferran Delgado (letters). This is three separate capers rolled into one big heist. Spider-Man and the Black Cat get married in order to facilitate the robbery. I liked how everything interconnected and how Peter was conned into helping. This is one annual worth picking up.

Catwoman #17 - Joelle Jones (story & art) Laura Allred (colours) Saida Temofonte (letters). Oh man, am I ever glad I didn't bench this book when Joelle went on hiatus. When she writes and draws a book the product is far superior than most. From the cover to the very last page this issue gave me shivers. We're resuming Selina's battle with the crazy Creel woman and Catwoman is going to have a little help from a friend. I can't wait to read the next issue.

Fallen Angels #1 - Bryan Hill (writer) Szymon Kudranski (art) Frank D'Armata (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). The four pages before the credits page absolutely captivated me and then the rest of the issue grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and didn't let go. I was wondering what the heck happened to Psylocke (real name Kwannon) after reading Excalibur #1 and here we have answers. She's leading a new team of mutants going after a very deadly villain by the name of Apoth. So far she's recruited Laura/X-23 and young Nathan/Cable. This title gets added to my "must read" list.

Far Sector #1 - N. K. Jemisin (writer) Jamal Campbell (art) Deron Bennett (letters). This new comic by the award winning science fiction and fantasy author introduces us to Green Lantern Mullein. She's investigating a murder in a city where three alien races co-existed peacefully until now. It's the first murder in 5 centuries in a city with 20 billion citizens. This book lost me right there with that unbelievable stat. The art is absolutely gorgeous but a rookie Green Lantern dealing with this crime is too far-fetched for me. If this were a regular detective in a regular city I might have continued reading. I just don't buy a green Green Lantern in an idyllic world.

The Dollhouse Family #1 - M. R. Carey (writer) Peter Gross (layouts) Vince Locke (finishes) Cris Peter (colours) Todd Klein (letters). This is one creepy comic book about a 19th Century dollhouse bequeathed to a little girl in England in the early eighties. There's magic involved when the girl can shrink and play with the dolls in the house. There's the mystery of where the dollhouse comes from. The creepy part is the Black Room in the house. This issue starts with a crash landing and ends with the punishment of an abusive husband. I am very intrigued.

Morbius #1 - Vita Ayala (writer) Marcelo Ferreira (pencils) Roberto Poggi (inks) Dono Sanchez-Almara (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). Michael the living vampire is back on the racks and he's still trying to cure himself of his bloodlust. This starts off with a dumb costumed mad scientist villain followed by Morbius attacking the bad guy's henchmen all to abscond with the experimental serum that might cure him. They never establish what the bad guy's serum was going to do, which made the effect on Morbius predictable at the end of this issue. The only thing that might get me to read more is the hot blonde vampire hunter who shows up and the art in this was superb.

X-Men #2 - Jonathan Hickman (writer) Leinil Francis Yu (pencils) Gerry Alanguilan (inks) Sunny Gho (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). Boy, Jonathan Hickman isn't coasting with these mutants. First (spoiler alert) he kills off a major character and now he's adding even more intrigue with a mating of Krakoa and another island. All mutants, good and not so good, were brought together on Krakoa but I always wondered when the not so good ones would start to do not so good things. Apocalypse steps to the fore here. I liked how Cyclops and his kids behaved during their mission to explore the new island.

The Batman's Grave #2 - Warren Ellis (writer) Bryan Hitch (art) Alex Sinclair (colours) Richard Starkings (letters). The art does most of the heavy lifting with nary a caption or word balloon in the first 12 pages. Bryan's pages looked great. Warren then weighs in with a summons for Batman from Commissioner Gordon using the Bat signal. A crooked lawyer has been murdered. I like when Batman plays detective.

Future Foundation #4 - Jeremy Whitley (writer) Alti Firmansyah (art) Triona Farrell (colours) VC's Joe Caramagna (letters). Can the kids keep evil Reed from getting a piece of the Miracle Man? Looks like it. But wait, there's more. Next issue's conclusion to this story should be just as exciting as this one.

Joker: Killer Smile #1 - Jeff Lemire (writer) Andrea Sorrentino (art) Jordie Bellaire (colours) Steve Wands (letters). I'm always willing to try a new book when I see Jeff Lemire's name in the credits because he usually manages to entertain me. I'm not a big fan of the clown prince of crime especially after the Joker became darker and started to kill people. This is the story of Doctor Ben Arnell, a psychologist trying to cure the Joker after the killer's most recent incarceration in Arkham Asylum. It's a story of mind games where a good man finds himself succumbing to the influence of evil. This is another good DC Black Label book worth reading.

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rob-blog1234 · 7 years ago

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BUMPER CHRISTMAS EDITION TV HOT FILM PICKS!

Welcome to my Christmas film round up!

14 Days of TV trawled - Friday 22nd through to Jan 4th.

196 films. 42 HOT PICKS! for all your festive film needs and more.

Merry Christmas to you and yours. Let's put the telly on. I think there's a film on somewhere.

FRIDAY 22nd DECEMBER

HOT PICKS!

BBC1 @ 1345 Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade (1989) *****

The LAST Crusade. The third and last of the Trilogy. No fourth… Nope, definitely the Last Crusade… (weep). Spielberg! Why!?! You should have took advice from your own film title. A funnier and action packed END to the TRILOGY.

Film4 @ 0025 Source Code (2011) *****

Duncan Jones is a fantastic Director. After the great success of his 2009 directorial debut Moon, I was hot on his trail and looking forward to his next film. Source Code has bigger ambition and is an extremely entertaining film, it’s just not as Sci-Fi pure as Moon. Source Code is a complex, compelling and a great mystery. Not sure of the idea of the recent Warcraft film as there’s only so much Orc special effect extravagance a man can take, but I’ll still give it a pop based on his previous work.

Jake Gyllenhaal is Captain Colter Stevens, a soldier who wakes up in the body of an unknown man on a train, here begins the mystery of who he is and why he is here. Gyllenhaal is fantastic and Jones drip feeds the story and keeps the mystery running with great skill. This is one of my Top 10 films of 2011…. and I thought it was very believable… until Captain Colter Stevens used Bing as his search engine. :)

Best of the rest:

TCM @ 1740 The Hound of the Baskervilles (1959) ****

5* @ 1855 Dirty Dancing (1987) ***

Film4 @ 1905 Men in Black (1997) *****

Syfy @ 2250 The Signal (2014) ***

Quest @ 2300 The Omen (1976) *****

SATURDAY 23rd DECEMBER

HOT PICKS!

TCM @ 1305 What's Up, Doc? (1972) ****

Why it took me so many years to see this gem of a comedy I simply do not know. It’s also responsible for a serious crush on Barbara Streisand. This is a crazy comedy caper that really doesn’t take itself seriously. It almost verges on slapstick at some points. Its main strength lies in the interactions between the 2 leads - the situations they get themselves into and the carnage that ensues - it is a pleasure to watch. You’ll have a laugh on your lips and a smile on your face throughout. Classic screwball comedy.

Gold @ 1325 It's a Wonderful Life (1946) *****

This is one of the greatest Christmas films ever made - it defines Christmas. It is a feel good film - plain and simple. A perfect Christmas film. No matter how you are feeling - It’s a Wonderful Life is sure to lift the spirits. Merry Christmas!

Best of the rest:

TCM @ 0855 The Hound of the Baskervilles (1939) ****

C4 @ 0900 The Boxtrolls (2014) ***

ITV3 @ 1305 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) *****

Film4 @ 1305 The Book of Life (2014) ****

ITV1 @ 1335 Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone (2001) ****

ITV1 @ 1630 Despicable Me (2010) ***

ITV2 @ 1910 Gravity (2013) *****

ITV1 @ 2000 The Hobbit: the Battle of the Five Armies (2014) ***

ITV4 @ 2100 The Fugitive (1993) ***

Film4 @ 2315 High-Rise (2015) ****

C4 @ 2320 Gladiator (2000) *****

TCM @ 2340 Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome (1985) ***

Film4 @ 0135 The Big Lebowski (1997) *****

CHRISTMAS EVE SUNDAY 24th DECEMBER

HOT PICKS!

C4 @ 1830 The Muppet Christmas Carol (1992) *****

Check out the Muppet’s take on the Christmas Carol. I adore this film, it’s full of all the great Muppet characters you know and love as they re-tell this classic Christmas story Muppet style! I dare you not to shed a tear during the rather emotional scene concerning Tiny Tim. It’s full of stunning sets and a host of great musical numbers, this is perfect Christmas film for the whole family to enjoy.

TCM @ 2210 Gremlins (1984) *****

Gremlins is a classic comedy horror. When a father gives a rather unusual pet to his son as a gift for Christmas he got a lot more than he bargained for. Billy has to stick to three important rules with his new pet. Don’t feed it after midnight, keep it out of bright light and keep it well away from water. When he inadvertently breaks these rules, his new pet multiplies and these new additions to the family prove to be quite a handful indeed. Madness, Mayhem and destruction quickly descend on the town as these “Gremlins” go on a rampage the town will not forget in a hurry.

It’s funny, sharp and with some splendid animatronics, Gremlins is a great fantasy adventure with almost slapstick style comedy that always gets a laugh. The stair lift scene will hold its crown as one of the best comedy death scenes put to film. Joe Dante has directed some brilliant films. This is certainly one of my favourites.

Film4 @ 2255 Predator (1987) *****

30 YEARS OLD! Amazing.

According to Letterboxd I’ve seen this outstanding film 18 times in the last 4 years. That’s not even taking into account the early days on VHS and the many wonderful times on TV where it was dubbed and cut to oblivion. It is one of my all-time favourite films and... I think I have a problem. I can’t stop buying it! I have 5 copies now: VHS, DVD, DVD double set with Predator 2, Blu Ray, and now 3D Blu Ray Steelbook. I am an addict. Why? Well - It's goddam awesome. That's why. Everything in this film works so wonderfully together. All I need now is the 3D Blu Ray in a life size Predator head box set to fulfil my crazy addiction. So, the film…

I watched it in 3D for the sixth time. The 3D doesn't really bring anything new to the film, as a conversion it still looked a little flat, I was hoping the jungle would really come alive and take me. But it did not detract from my enjoyment one little bit and I will admittedly always grab the glasses for a slice of 3D action if there is ever a choice.

This classic Arnie Sci-Fi Action-er is ultimately re-watchable. You’ve seen it hundreds of times, you quote each line seconds before they happen, you even know the sound of each and every gun shot and explosion as they are about to occur. This is my most quoted film, at least once a week I shoe horn a Predator quote into my everyday life: from “I’m gonna have me some fun” to “I wouldn’t wish that on a broke dick dawg” … Amazing.

The music is completely iconic. Alan Silvestri’s score is right up there with the greatest scores in film. Coupled with some fabulous sound effects. It’s quite simply perfect. It’s so apt and effective, driving the film forward with an urgency like no other. It gets your blood pumping and puts you right in the jungle maze with them. It’s as if the Jungle just came alive and took him… Sorry.

This is Arnie’s finest hour. Yes he’s fantastic in Total Recall but here he is doing what he does best. Big, bold, mumbling muscle. Wielding a gun as large as a child in one hand and with a list of one liners at the ready, he storms this performance. He is together with a crack team of commandos - an eclectic mix of characters played by an equally eclectic mix of actors. Carl Weathers has either been airbrushed within an inch of reality or is wearing so much make up at the start of this film. His face is just too smooth, almost like he’s made of putty or like the jungle came alive and paint shopped him. Jesse Ventura’s larger than life character just fits right in here. And of course the late and great Sonny Landham as the ju-ju bag fondling tracker whose lines are just amazing, such a mix of muscle must have been hell for McTiernan to direct, but boy did he do well! In such a difficult terrain he pulled it out of the bag in momentous style.

This crack team go on a rescue mission in the Central American jungle. The mission goes from bad to worse as they soon realise a dangerous alien predator is hunting them down one by one. It’s tense, fast paced and full to the brim with enough action and bullets to take down a small country. It has got some great shocks and splattered with some well-placed gore as the team gets picked off in an array of bloody violent ways. It’s ultimately thrilling and will always stand tall as one of the great Action Sci-Fi Thrillers of all time!

“GET TO DER CHARRPARR!” (Sorry, I couldn’t resist!)

Film4 @ 0105 It Follows (2014) *****

Don’t miss David Robert Mitchell’s superb modern Horror on Film4. After a sexual encounter - Jay can’t escape the feeling something is after her. Something relentless. So - yes, it’s probably some statement about safe sex.. but it’s so much more! It’s not often I throw 5 stars at a Horror movie. This one pushed all my buttons. So… why so good? Well, in the eternal struggle of the genre to produce new ideas that move away from either pure paranormal jump scares or intensely shocking gore-fests - It Follows steps confidently to one side with a suspense filled, tension busting, atmospheric, and 80’s saturated thriller. The awesome soundtrack keeps the film bubbling over literally all the way through… I need to buy this soundtrack. It’s bloody fantastic! It’s all wrapped up in such a stylish way, I can’t wait to watch it again. Hit Record!

Best of the rest:

C5 @ 0920 Gone with the Wind (1939) *****

More4 @ 1245 The Jewel of the Nile (1985) ***

ITV1 @ 1255 Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets (2002) ***

Film4 @ 1500 Jingle all the Way (1996) ***

C5 @ 1615 Scrooge (1951) ****

Spike @ 1630 Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid (1969) ****

ITV2 @ 2100 Casino Royale (2006) ****

Film4 @ 2100 Anchorman: the Legend of Ron Burgundy (2004) ****

Syfy @ 0100 Akira (1988) *****

CHRISTMAS DAY MONDAY 25th DECEMBER

HOT PICKS!

BBC1 @ 1320 Toy Story 3 (2010) *****

Another great success for Pixar, they really know how to pull the heart strings of an audience both young and old. Toy Story 3 lives up to the hype with its wonderful characters who we know and love gallivanting through the superbly written story with plenty of drama, comedy, laughs, thrills and, of course, heart wrenching emotion that concludes this great trilogy.

Woody and Buzz are put through their paces when they are accidentally packed off to a nursery, here we are introduced to a host of new characters that all have great merit, especially Ken, Mr. Pricklepants and Chuckles the Clown, who all add some great comedy moments to an already funny film. However I was a little creeped out by Big Baby and the cymbal banging monkey - a little intense for the younger of viewers… and of course me. All the characters are once again excellently voiced by a huge list of equally huge names - but most importantly they become the characters completely - so you are never detracted from the film with the realisation of the voice behind the character which can so often mar the full immersion into an animated story.

As soon as our favourites decide to escape we are thrown into their action packed ride to freedom. The direction, animation and pace are all top notch, never does the story lose pace or interest.

I originally watched this in 3D - which I must add is not a necessity. I thought it would have been another film that suffers with the whole “being created specifically for 3D” and it almost becoming the driving force behind various scenes but I am thankful that Pixar focused purely on the film and didn’t sell out for an obvious 3D showcase.

I was looking for a reason to not give Toy Story 3 the full 5 stars but I could find no such reason. It’s a great success, my favourite of the trilogy and has once again proved the Pixar team are masters of animation and storytelling.

C4 @ 1435 Scrooged (1988) *****

One of my favourite Christmas films of all time: Scrooged. In the pilot seat of this version of the Christmas Carol is the hilarious Bill Murray. He plays the bitter and twisted film executive Frank Cross who is in charge of the TV networks big Christmas Day TV program. He gets visited by three rather different takes on the Christmas Ghosts, from the cigar smoking foul mouthed taxi driver Ghost of Christmas Past to the angelic looking but rather violent Ghost of Christmas Present, you are in for a brilliant ride through Frank’s life. The characters really make this film a success - all of them are perfect, backed by a fantastic script and great directorial vision from Richard Donner - he’s squeezed in enough jokes, tenderness and a hell of a lot of heart that will certainly get you in the Christmas spirit.

C4 @ 1750 Home Alone (1990) *****

Macaulay Culkin accidentally gets left behind by his family over the Christmas holidays and defends his house against two of the worst burglars in history. No matter how annoying the little rascal is and whatever time of year, nothing can ruin this classic family adventure. It is Christmas after all!

Horror @ 2100 Big Trouble in Little China (1986) *****

If I’m ever in doubt of what film to watch to put a huge smile on my face and forget about the woes of the real world then I always reach for Carpenter’s classic Big Trouble in Little China. Most importantly this film is a whole lot of fun. It’s full of laugh-out-loud moments with an absurdly funny script and always raises smiles.

Kurt Russell is Jack Burton, an all American action-hero-wannabe. He’s a fast talking, macho, gambling, truck driver with tons of gloriously cheesy one liners. He agrees to help out an old friend by driving him to the airport to meet his fiancé who…guess what… gets kidnapped… from here Jack gets tangled up in a web of martial-art-fantasy-madness in San Francisco’s China Town.

This is one of the most entertaining Carpenter films that somehow manages to walk the very fine line of cheesy-but-good. It somehow walks this line so well it’s become a true cult classic. It quite simply cannot be missed.

…Okay. You people sit tight, hold the fort and keep the home fires burning. And if we’re not back by dawn… call the president.

Film4 @ 2100 Kingsman: the Secret Service (2015) ****

On release I wasn’t too fussed about this and let it pass me by unwatched. A film that on the surface looked like - just another Spy movie rehash, with a chavvy kid ultimately redeeming himself - it just felt a bit off. Then on recommendation I caught up with it on Blu Ray release - and was very happy I did too!

Matthew Vaughn - who we have to thank for Kick-Ass, Stardust and X-Men First Class - bring us into the crazy world of Kingsman - a Secret Spy organisation here to save the world. It unashamedly mimics the likes of Bond - constantly referring to itself as being “not that kind of movie” and has such huge set pieces and layered with tons of action - you will be hooked from the out. It’s funny too - it has plenty of comedy that made me chuckle. It’s sometimes silly but keeps its feet on the ground just enough to stay credible. It was a riot on my first watch and it holds up to repeat viewings. Need some fun on TV tonight? Get this on the telly.

Best of the rest:

ITV1 @ 0925 National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation (1989) ***

Film4 @ 1100 Arthur Christmas (2011) ***

C5 @ 1305 Singin' in the Rain (1952) *****

ITV1 @ 1510 Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004) ****

C4 @ 1630 Dumbo (1941) ****

TCM @ 1655 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) *****

Film4 @ 1700 Romancing the Stone (1984) ****

More4 @ 1800 Miracle on 34th Street (1947) *****

TCM @ 1855 Gremlins (1984) *****

ITV2 @ 1945 Skyfall (2012) ****

ITV4 @ 2100 The Dirty Dozen (1967) ****

5* @ 2100 There's Something About Mary (1998) ****

Sky1 @ 2200 The Rock (1996) ****

Film4 @ 0120 The Warriors (1979) ****

ITV1 @ 0145 The Dam Busters (19540 ****

Sony @ 0225 Little Miss Sunshine (2006) *****

BOXING DAY TUESDAY 26th DECEMBER

HOT PICKS!

Film4 @ 1455 Paddington (2014) ****

Who would have expected a live action / CGI cross over of the much loved story of Paddington would work - but it absolutely does. It’s charming, heart-warming and walks the line of sentimentality that never goes too far, it honours the original material and brings an altogether joyful experience to all that watch it. A sure hit with children and adults alike, with enough sequences of absurd action and moments of effective comedy that keep the flow continuously. A truly lovely film. Don’t miss it.

ITV1 @ 1530 ET the Extra Terrestrial (1982) *****

This magical story of a boys love for a lost alien is truly heart-warming and one of Spielberg’s finest films. The family dynamic works wonderfully addressing really grown up themes with a rich and realistic platform that springs an unmissable story of friendship, love and loss. A childhood adventure full of heart and accessible to the whole family. It’s amazing that after all this time that little plastic turd like creature still makes me shed a tear.

BBC1 @ 1545 Mary Poppins (1964) *****

A truly magical story. One of my all-time favourite Disney films. The songs are all iconic and always inspire a sing-a-long. After watching the very impressive Saving Mr. Banks and learning more about this films difficult transition to the big scene, it seemed rude not to immediately watch Mary Poppins. It's big, bright and bold sets, larger than life characters, amazing songs and choreography and most importantly a very strong story, give this Disney a real edge over its peers. Magical for kids and adults alike.

C4 @ 1800 Back to the Future (1985) *****

Numerous filmmakers have attempted to construct a story and explain the most difficult and almost incomprehensible subject of Time Travel but the one that manages to nail it with surprising ease is Robert Zemeckis in this family action packed adventure Back to the Future!

This is my all-time favourite film and is complete cinematic enjoyment. We follow the unlikely friendship between school teenager Marty McFly and the eccentric scientist Dr. Emmett Brown. As Doc reveals his latest experiment, the iconic nuclear powered DeLorean time machine, things turn dangerous as the gun-toting terrorists Doc ripped off to get the plutonium, arrive on the scene. In an attempt to escape Marty jumps in the DeLorean and is sent back to the year 1955. We follow Marty’s adventures as he attempts to get back home to 1985.

Oh - and check out my Christmas Jumper! Secret Santa WIN. Thanks Rebecca Carver. :)

ITV1 @ 1840 Jurassic World (2015) ****

I could watch Bryce Dallas Howard running across rough terrain in her heels all day long. Welcome to Jurassic World - in a universe where previous massive disasters at creating dinosaur parks are completely ignored... again. It's a bigger, better and more exciting park but the money mad corporate suits want bigger, scarier and more dangerous. What could possibly go wrong? Well it does - obviously and Star Lord and our ginger high-heeled Howard go about saving the day. With enough nods to the amazing original it keeps the show on the road, by no means reaching the standard of Jurassic Park it is still a lot of fun and very worth a gander.

TCM @ 1910 Airplane! (1980) *****

Essential comedy viewing. Airplane! stands tall as one of the funniest classic comedies to date. Yes - it’s politically incorrect in parts but this 80’s comedy has hundreds of reasons to be forgiven. Leslie Nielsen’s ability to dead pan jokes was phenomenal. This disaster spoof is one of the best comedy greats and will surely remain up there with the best for many years to come… and don’t call me Shirley.

Film4 @ 2100 Ex Machina (2014) *****

I can’t believe this was Alex Garland’s directorial debut. He was the writer on 28 days Later and Sunshine - so here’s his directorial debut and it’s unmissable. It’s hard to even think this is his first film at the helm. The film oozes beauty in every shot - the clinical setting and awesome camera work produce some fantastic visuals in what is in essence a very tight and small set with 3 main characters in the most part. Ex Machina is one of the best Sci-Fi films to come out in recent years. It follows Domhnall Gleeson as Caleb, a 26 year old coder for the world’s largest internet company. He wins a competition to spend a week at the private mountain retreat of the company CEO - Nathan (Oscar Issac). Nathan is a recluse and the social interactions between the two are fascinating. Caleb finds out that he is to participate in an experiment interacting with the world’s first true artificial intelligence, housed in the body of a beautiful robot girl played by Alicia Vikander. This is true Sci-Fi. It could very easily be set right now. It’s only a matter of time before one of the big players launch something truly stunning. Thought provoking, brilliantly story telling that keeps your eyes glued to each interaction and the wonderful script wraps its way right through you. It lingers long after the credits roll. Don’t miss this. Look out for the trailer for his next step into Sci-Fi that I for one am very excited about… Annihilation.

Best of the rest:

TCM @ 0855 Kind Hearts and Coronets (1949) *****

ITV1 @ 0925 Ferris Bueller's Day Off (1986) *****

C5 @ 1150 Chariots of Fire (1981) ****

TCM @ 1215 Singin' in the Rain (1952) *****

TCM @ 1415 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) *****

ITV2 @ 1435 A Bug's Life (1998) ****

TCM @ 1615 The Dirty Dozen (1967) ****

C4 @ 1620 The Little Mermaid (1989) *****

ITV2 @ 1640 Despicable Me (2010) ***

ITV2 @ 1900 Uncle Buck (1989) ****

Sky1 @ 2100 Minority Report (2002) *****

W @ 2100 The Beach (2000) ****

Syfy @ 2100 Serenity (2005) ****

More4 @ 2100 The Green Mile (1999) ****

Sony @ 2100 A Few Good Men (1992) ****

5* @ 2100 Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) *****

C5 @ 2200 Dirty Dancing (1987) ***

C4 @ 2310 Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) ****

Film4 @ 2310 X-Men: First Class (2011) ****

Horror @ 0040 They Live (1988) ****

Film4 @ 0145 The Breakfast Club (1985) ****

WEDNESDAY 27th DECEMBER

HOT PICKS!

Film4 @ 1100 ParaNorman (2012) ****

Check out this impressive stop motion animated adventure from the makers of the dark and quirky Coraline. I was immediately taken aback by the sheer detail - it is beyond comprehension. With Norman having over 40,000 different printed facial expressions you can see the level of detail they were aiming for here. You’d be forgiven for not realising this is stop motion animation. With a cracking script and great balance of comedy, horror and drama this is definitely one to stick on your watch list.

Norman is an 11 year old boy who can see, hear and talk to the dead. We follow him on his personal journey against adversity and ultimately on to saving the town.

This is an extremely well presented animated feature. Slightly scary for very young viewers but a welcomed darker side to the genre.

C4 @ 1630 Back to the Future Part II (1989) *****

Check out this wonderful vision of the present day in BTTF2. An amazingly ambitious paradox filled second film in the trilogy. Equally intelligent and makes time travel easily accessible to all ages, one thing of note is what the first film had in amazing character credibility the second focuses heavily on style. It’s all about a visuals. However you feel this compares to the amazing original - it still stands strong as a brilliant, solid, fascinating and downright exciting sequel in one of the greatest adventure trilogies put to film.

ITV4 @ 2205 Jaws (1975) *****

The birth of the blockbuster. Spielberg’s suspense filled thriller is packed with shocks and surprises. Such a simple premise executed perfectly. With such iconic music, both kids and adults alike can’t stop themselves humming the tune as they creep up on someone in a swimming pool with their hand on their head like a rudimentary fin. Classic. One of the best. Perfect holiday film fodder.

Best of the rest:

TCM @ 0955 The Dirty Dozen (1967) ****

BBC1 @ 1420 Shrek 2 (2004) ****

BBC1 @ 1610 Big Hero 6 (2014) ****

Film4 @ 1635 Scrooged (1988) *****

C5 @ 1655 The Guns of Navarone (1961) ****

Film4 @ 1845 Super 8 (2011) ****

E4 @ 1930 I, Robot (2004) ****

Syfy @ 2100 Waterworld (1995) ****

ITV1 @ 2000 Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (2005) ****

5* @ 2200 Django Unchained (2012) *****

C4 @ 2305 East is East (1999) ***

TCM @ 2325 Apocalypse Now (1979) *****

Horror @ 0055 We are Still Here (2015) ***

THURSDAY 28th DECEMBER

HOT PICKS!

5* @ 1505 The Burbs (1989) *****

Tom Hanks is in his comedy prime starring as Ray Peterson in this hilarious 80’s comedy classic. It’s way up there in my favourite Hanks comedy performances.

Ray is on holiday from work and to the annoyance of his wife decides to spend his vacation investigating the odd goings on of his creepy new next door neighbours: The Clopeks. When an old man who lives at the end of the street appears to be missing, Ray, together with some other neighbours in his street, are certain the Clopeks have something to do with it. They go on a mission to find proof.

It’s absolutely hilarious throughout and the characters are all nothing short of superb - from Rick Ducommun’s “Art Weingartner”, the childish, gossip-mongering buffoon, to Bruce Dern’s “Rumsfield”, the paranoid ex-Army, flag flying Lieutenant. It really is a neighbourhood full of quirky and interesting characters that fill this film with top class comedy situations, both verbal and physical - I adore the scene at the beginning of the film where Art is eating all the food in Ray’s house and accidentally eats some dog food. Subtle and priceless physical comedy. It’s perfectly timed and laugh out loud funny. It’s just one example of this films comedy credentials.

This film always hits the spot and shows Tom Hanks at his very best. It’s a great bit of fun, ultimately re-watchable, and so very quotable. This is a film guaranteed to put a smile on your face. Watch this.

TCM @ 2140 Full Metal Jacket (1987) *****

I’ve had many discussions regarding people’s favourite War movie? …and this is mine. Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket is superb. It’s full of classic Kubrick shots and some stellar performances making this a true bonafide classic. The film has 2 clear parts; the first part of the film goes through the marine training from day one of their induction, with a powerful opening scene of each character getting their heads shaved, removing their identity. This training part of the film is bar far the highlight of the movie. The second part, although different is extremely complimentary and deals with their introduction to real army life out in their new various roles, specifically focusing on “Joker” in his role as war correspondent for the Stars and Stripes publication. The film shows the Vietnam War from their perspective and how their lives are consumed by it. It is full of interesting characters, particularly Private Pyle played by the brilliant Vincent D'Onofrio. Lee Ermey’s wild eyed and aggressive drill instructor is almost cartoon in his extremes and pushes the new recruits to the very limit of their capabilities… and in some cases beyond. Kubrick’s Full Metal Jacket is a triumph of cinema and a much watch film. Like War films? Love this.

BBC2 @ 2330 Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa (2013) ****

I’ve always been a fan of Steve Coogan’s Alan Partridge, and here we get him in a feature length comedy, packed full of genuinely funny, well written, splendidly timed jokes. The film follows Alan as he gets mixed up in a hostage situation at his local radio station after a corporate take-over pushes a DJ over the edge. Laugh out loud comedy whether you are a fan of Partridge or not - this will get you smiling from ear to ear.

Best of the rest:

BBC1 @ 0900 Pirates! An Adventure with Scientists! (2012) ***

Film4 @ 1100 Jingle all the Way (1996) ***

BBC1 @ 1420 Shrek the Third (2007) ***

BBC1 @ 1610 How to Train your Dragon 2 (2014) ***

TCM @ 1815 The Lord of the Rings: the fellowship of the Ring (2001) *****

ITV1 @ 2000 Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix (2007) ****

ITV2 @ 2100 Casino Royale (2006) ****

Spike @ 2100 Enter the Dragon (1973) ****

Sony @ 2100 Little Miss Sunshine (2006) *****

ITV4 @ 2105 The Fugitive (1993) ***

C4 @ 2305 About a Boy (2002) ****

Sony @ 0130 A Few Good Men (1992) ****

FRIDAY 29th DECEMBER

HOT PICKS!

BBC1 @ 0900 Monsters Vs. Aliens (2009) ****

I originally watched this purely to get a 3D fix and yes the 3D is excellent as it was made around that concept. I didn’t expect much but I really quite enjoyed this film - mainly down to the tons of movie references packed into this and there were some surprising laugh out loud moments. The one liners from Seth Rogen, Will Arnett and Stephen Colbert are great. It’s definitely no Pixar and really works when watched in 3D and as a 2D film it still holds up well.

BBC1 @ 1425 Up (2009) *****

Yet another amazing Pixar. I really don’t know how they keep doing it. They have set their standards so high that although you don’t want them to - you kind of expect them to fail…. This is definitely not the case with the bizarre story of Up. Amazing animation - a great score and most importantly a great story makes this a top class animation. I was concerned about its bizarre premise but the story is close to perfect and has a great balance of fun, hilarity and the classic Disney sadness / tragedy from loss. Full of smart dialogue and the addition of “Dug” the dog is comedy at its best. This sad at times Pixar is both tender and funny. A classic Pixar success.

ITV2 @ 2000 Skyfall (2012) ****

Skyfall succeeded as it did not feel the need to carry on the story of its previous films - as it kicks off with an amazing car chase we know we are in for a treat. This film does not disappoint and it’s a darker more realistic Bond film that has kept up nicely with current times. After we all witnessed the fantastic Bourne Trilogy our tastes for this style of film got a bit more grown up. Mendes does a sterling job with Skyfall and has reassured me the franchise still has a lot of life left in it. Admittedly it does go a bit “Home Alone” towards the final act but I love the fact Bond films have almost no CGI. A great entry to the Bond franchise.

ITV1 @ 2000 Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince (2009) ****

If you want big battles, wizardry and spell bounding excitement - you do get a couple of crowd pleasers but this instalment of the Potter films focuses more on relationships. It's full of teenage crushes, giggling looks, teenage kisses and romance which was funny in places but also a little more for the teenage audience. In fact the scene where Ron’s sister kneels down to tie Harry’s shoe lace is pure awkward hilarity.

I have not read the books and I did feel the need for certain clarifiers to some partly explained and explored sub plots. There is a hell of a lot going on in this film. It just about gives enough of everything to keep confusion at bay. It is one of the more busy Potter films.

As always it looks amazing, today’s standard of CGI has allowed for this wonderful fantasy world to feel completely real. The young cast have all grown into their roles and give this film quality clout. I was also particularly impressed with Daniel Radcliffe in this film, especially during the scene where he took the luck potion - It was nice to see something different from him.

Although originally this was not one of my favourite Potter films it was more than good enough to keep the buzz alive, but now after numerous watches this Potter holds strong, and what small things frustrated the first time round, now seem altogether more whole and this has become a quality instalment to the Potter series I always enjoy returning to.

Best of the rest:

ITV3 @ 1030 Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) *****

Film4 @ 1100 Rango (2011) ****

C5 @ 1320 Labyrinth (1986) ****

TCM @ 1515 The Lord of the Rings: the Fellowship of the Ring (2001) *****

Film4 @ 1630 Arthur Christmas (2011) ***

C5 @ 1710 Footloose (1984) ***

ITV2 @ 1755 A Bug's Life (1998) ****

TCM @ 1840 Bullitt (1968) ****

More4 @ 2100 The Green Mile (1999) ****

Spike @ 2100 Fury (2014) ****

Horror @ 2100 The Mist (2007) ****

BBC1 @ 2115 Gone Girl (2014) ****

TCM @ 2255 Black Hawk Down (2001) ****

Film4 @ 2300 Predator (1987) *****

ITV4 @ 2320 Total Recall (1990) *****

SATURDAY 30th DECEMBER

HOT PICKS!

5* @ 1335 Teen Wolf (1985) *****

Teen Wolf always holds a place in my heart… I love it a little more than it deserves, but who cares. Michael J. Fox is Scott Howard, an average kid who plays for his unsuccessful school basketball team and works part time for his Dad in the local Hardware store. He is fed up of being so average and craves for excitement and success, but he could have never prepared for what happens next. Scott soon realises he comes from a family of Werewolves as one night at a party he begins to go through changes that alter the course of his school life, basketball success and relationships with his family and friends, forever. Teen Wolf is a great bit of 80’s family fun; Michael J. Fox is in his prime and really makes this film a success. With a great 80’s soundtrack and a superb story, Teen Wolf has everything you need for Weekend film escapism. It’s great fun, full of comedy and certainly has the feel good factor.

BBC1 @ 2000 Avengers: Age of Ultron (2015) ****

Whedon managed to cram in a shed load of oldies but goldies, a fair few newbies and a shed load of robot Ultrons and somehow still made this a coherent and enjoyable MCU spectacular. Well done Whedon. It stuck to the age old Marvel formula resulting in a huge over the top sky battle of world ending CGI nonsense - but it was very good wasn't it. You know you loved it. Expectations were set to ridiculous levels and it still came out relatively unscathed by critics and fans alike. In more recent times I am happy to see the MCU films taking on new directions - with Thor Ragnarok and Deadpool taking a step out of the box is a refreshing change. Avengers: Age of Ultron was a fantastic sequel to a fabulous first film.

Film4 @ 2310 The Guest (2014) ****

Adam Wingard dished out a very entertaining romp with 2014’s The Guest. It leans on my love of the 80’s and combined with a cool synth-filled-soundtrack and some nice visuals this hits all my spots.

A soldier arrives at the home of the Peterson family and claims to be a friend of their son who died in action. He is welcomed into their home but soon suspicion arises in the household and some seemingly accidental deaths are coincide with his arrival. Its twists may not be the subtlest but it all gels rather nicely with some good quality action and tension. Watch this.

Best of the rest:

5* @ 1525 *batteries not included (1987) ****

ITV3 @ 1545 The Wizard of Oz (1939) *****

TCM @ 1645 Bullitt (1968) ****

ITV1 @ 2000 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1 (2010) ****

ITV2 @ 2100 Bridesmaids (2011) ***

W @ 2100 The Beach (2000) ****

Film4 @ 2100 Men in Black 3 (2012) ***

TCM @ 2100 Black Hawk Down (2001) ****

Sky1 @ 2200 Minority Report (2002) *****

Syfy @ 2250 Serenity (2005) ****

ITV1 @ 2300 The Mask (1994) ****

Spike @ 2305 Enter the Dragon (1973) ****

C4 @ 2320 Speed (1994) ****

ITV4 @ 0005 The Dirty Dozen (1967) ****

TCM @ 0000 Goodfellas (1990) *****

Film4 @ 0115 Taxi Driver (1976) *****

NEW YEARS EVE SUNDAY 31st DECEMBER

HOT PICKS!

C5 @ 1700 The Lego Movie (2014) ****

Hilarious, heartfelt a wonderful story of the underdog reaching his true potential. It's a machine gun gag reel of monstrous proportions, you will struggle to keep up from laugh to laugh. Excellently visualised - albeit quite frenetic - Lord and Miller have created something that instead of being an overly long toy advertisement - is a re-watchable comedy classic. This is NOT just for kids - it bridges the age gap amazingly and this should not be dismissed as a simple kids film. Get it on your watch list. The Lego Movie is responsible for me shouting "SPACESHIP" whenever there is mention of a spaceship or in fact any situation involving hysteria. Its fallen short for me many times with strange sideways glances - but for fans of The Lego Movie - one of my favourite scenes is Spaceman redemption. I will continue to shout it until I'm old and grey. Awesome.

ITV1 @ 1950 Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (2011) *****

A very satisfying final act to one of the greatest film franchises ever. A suitably grand vision for this final chapter with spectacular action sequences. Everyone gets their moments here and all that troubles me now is how many different types of elaborate limited Blu ray box sets I’ll be wasting my money on… I already have 2!

Film4 @ 2335 An American Werewolf in London (1981) *****

It’s only in the last 7 years that I saw this film for the first time and I was concerned that I had missed the boat and it would be horrendously outdated, but I was pleasantly surprised. It barely shows its age at all!

The story begins with two American back packers on the remote moors of England that lose their way as they turn to a local village for help they find a rather unaccommodating group of villagers and they soon realize they are well and truly on their own. As they cross the moors they are attacked by a huge wolf like creature! The villagers appear to be covering up the true horrors of their encounter.

It has a real interesting mix of horror and comedy that is really quite subtle. The lighter moments offset the horror in a real complimentary way and the 80’s “moon” related soundtrack seemed rather odd to start with but adds yet another layer to the overall experience. Unlike today’s heavy reliance on CGI, director John Landis had to rely on physical effects and make up when putting together the transformation scene. It is an absolutely amazing job - every elongation of limbs and warping of body parts is done with amazing skill that looks very realistic and quite horrifying even to today’s standards.

Overall, the film is based on a very simple idea but is executed in a very accomplished way. If you haven’t seen this film, push it to the top of your to do list.

Best of the rest:

C4 @ 1355 We Bought a Zoo (2011) ***

Film4 @ 1420 Scrooged (1988) *****

C5 @ 1455 Groundhog Day (1993) *****

Syfy @ 1800 Waterworld (1995) ****

Film4 @ 1855 Home Alone (1990) *****

E4 @ 1900 I, Robot (2004) ****

5* @ 2100 There's Something About Mary (1998) ****

Film4 @ 2100 Kingsman: the Secret Service (2015) ****

TCM @ 2100 Goodfellas (1990) *****

ITV4 @ 2200 Total Recall (1990) *****

Sony @ 2305 A Few Good Men (1992) ****

TCM @ 2350 Airplane! (1980) *****

Film4 @ 0130 Quadrophenia (1979) ****

NEW YEARS DAY MONDAY 1st JANUARY

HOT PICKS!

ITV2 @ 1900 Uncle Buck (1989) ****

John Hughes has given us some fantastic 80’s films and here’s one of my favourites: Uncle Buck. John Candy plays Buck, who gets called in to look after his niece’s and nephew due to a family emergency. This unlikely Baby Sitter struggles with his new family role but it always ends in comedy results. It’s lovely, light-hearted, laugh out loud funny with some really memorable scenes - particularly the mole scene. John Candy is comedy gold and I just adore Amy Madigan as Buck’s girlfriend. Need a comedy to watch? Watch this.

Sony @ 0055 Sunshine (2007) *****

Don’t miss Danny Boyle’s splendid venture into the space Sci-Fi genre: Sunshine. I love this film. It pulls from so many influences from Science Fiction greats such as Alien, 2001, and even Event Horizon. The film is set 50 years in the future, a team of astronauts are sent on a mission to reignite the dying sun. They are Earth’s last hope of survival.

Sunshine relies heavily on the quality of the cast to drive this through and they all do a sterling job. Particularly Cillian Murphy and Chris Evans. They all capture the essence of how 16 months cooped up in a confined space must make you feel. The mission takes a turn when they find the original lost ship from a failed mission in a decaying orbit around the sun. This is the beginning of a string of unfortunate and strange events that put not only their lives but their mission to save the world as well.

Boyle dishes out some seriously tense scenes and towards the end of the film it changes from Sci-Fi to Horror as certain things are revealed. Although not everyone welcomed these changes, I think they worked really well and it was a good twist ultimately carrying film to conclusion. Sunshine is a thrilling and very gripping Sci-Fi feast from a great British Director. A must see film.

Best of the rest:

ITV1 @ 0615 Flash Gordon (1980) ***

ITV1 @ 1310 Hugo (2011) ***

ITV3 @ 1315 The Wizard of Oz (1939) *****

Film4 @ 1435 Paddington (2014) ****

5* @ 1700 Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (1991) *****

ITV2 @ 1705 Despicable Me (2010) ***

C4 @ 1730 Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) ****

E4 @ 1900 Titanic (1997) ****

ITV1 @ 2000 Spectre (2015) ***

5* @ 2000 Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994) ****

Dave @ 2200 Kill Bill: Vol 2 (2004) ****

Syfy @ 2200 The Thing (1982) *****

TCM @ 2310 Blade (1998) ***

TUESDAY 2nd JANUARY

HOT PICK!

Spike @ 2300 Fury (2014) ****

There are plenty of war films with the same old formula, and this film does follow a rather formulaic approach, but here we focus solely on a U.S. Sherman tank crew. Not since the amazing Kelly’s Heroes had I seen a film focus on these tanks. A history lesson in itself for the ignorant and uneducated - the Nazi Tiger tanks they are up against completely and utterly out gun them and with armour so strong - the Sherman’s found it extremely difficult to stop them. Comparatively this film is nothing like the almost light hearted, satirically barbed Kelly’s Heroes, here we have a film attempting to capture the realism of war, the death, the squalor and the sheer inhumanity. It does this very well.

It’s dark, rich colour palette and beautifully framed cinematography certainly keep your eyes glued to the screen. The poor Sherman crews did not have much hope. We are taken deep inside the belly of “Fury” the Sherman tank with crew of 5 led by Don “Wardaddy” Collier played by Brad Pitt. Never before have I seen such oddly perfect hair styling in a war zone since Clint Eastwood’s barnet in Where Eagles Dare.

The claustrophobia of the tank is captured really well but it also somehow creates space with every odd angle when we see times where this crew felt secure in their new found home. The performances are the icing on the cake here with everyone pulling out performances to be very proud of. Not a film that will survive a re-watch mainly down to its bleakness, but never the less a film I am very pleased to have seen.

Best of the rest:

Film4 @ 1445 Antz (1998) ****

Film4 @ 2100 Die Hard 2 (1990) ****

TCM @ 2100 Blade (1998) ***

WEDNESDAY 3rd JANUARY

HOT PICK!

Comedy @ 2100 21 Jump Street (2012) ****

I’m a difficult customer when it comes to comedy but 21 Jump Street hit all the right notes for my difficult tastes. What a great surprise this film was! The trailer looked a little silly, Channing Tatum has had a fair share of negative press, everyone is getting a bit fed up of Jonah Hill these days - it just seemed like a dud from the start. I was very wrong indeed - Even on repeat watches it still stands up really well. Tatum and Hill are a hilarious pairing and they bounce the equally great script around with great comedy timing. It has 100’s of quotable one liners but most importantly it’s all wrapped up with real heart.

THURSDAY 4th JANUARY

HOT PICKS!

Film4 @ 1245 Rango (2011) ****

An absolutely stunning animation. You can certainly see why this won an Oscar. It’s visually flawless. This clever Western is packed with references to the greats and still manages to deal an original and always entertaining animation. It’s thick with interesting characters driving the story, Rango packs an emotional punch. One for adults to enjoy that will also keep the kids entertained.

Film4 @ 2310 Stoker (2013) *****

Park Chan-Wook’s first English language film is a stunning success. Mysterious and beautiful - I was completely hooked to the story at each and every perfectly placed turn. The amazing visuals are nothing short of breath-taking. Chung-Hoon Chung’s eye for Photography cannot be matched and this film seriously showcases his talent. The films pace is refined, almost cautious, never rushing the audience, always delicate and thoughtful, and thanks to the fantastic central cast this very simply story always seems thick, lush and robust to the very end. Experiencing this at the cinema was fantastic and it immediately became one of my favourite films of the year. After then seeing all the average reviews and even some negative press I approached my Blu ray re-watch with baited breath. This was all the more rewarding the second time around. Now on multiple watches I just become more appreciative. The use of sound is fantastic and as important as the visuals. This really is a feast for the senses. It firmly stamped its mark as number 2 in my top films of 2013. I always just want to stay right there and watch it all over again.

Best of the rest:

5* @ 1600 *batteries not included (1987) ****

TCM @ 1630 The Cruel Sea (1952) ****

Film4 @ 1855 Men in Black 3 (2012) ***

ITV2 @ 2100 22 Jump Street (2014) ****

TCM @ 2300 Mad Max (1979) *****

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rob-blog1234 · 7 years ago

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BANK HOLIDAY WEEKEND TV HOT FILM PICKS!

Check out my guide to the top films on TV this extended weekend, Friday through to Monday, and the best of the rest. Enjoy!

LATE FRIDAY 25th AUGUST

HOT PICKS!

TCM @ 2100 Poltergeist (1982) *****

What a fantastic and scary haunting film. One thing is for certain, hauntings are definitely more horrifying than mass murderers, serial killers and monsters. This is one of the very best horror films and a must see for fans of the genre.

Tobe Hooper really gives Spielberg’s film great merit. Even from the opening scenes as we pan round the house, following the dog, introducing us to the fateful family, we can see his great eye for film. It is definitely more restrained than modern haunting films with lots more discussion and focus on the family than the paranormal events themselves, it’s only towards the end of the film that we get a more focused barrage of ghostly activity. This is one of the reasons why it works so well. The main cast of the family are fantastic, a suitably hot mom, a great performance from Craig T. Nelson as the Dad, and the kids are absolutely spot on. I was always impressed with how very real Oliver Robin’s fear was portrayed, considering he was 8 years old, when he was screaming for his mom to come to the TV, it all felt heightened and heart-poundingly real indeed. The family are the core of this film, they are its success and give it a real tender edge that other films have just not been able to recreate.

Maybe it was because I originally watched this film when I was far too young but it is directly responsible for the following: - My irrational fear of clown dolls. - My dread of white noise on TV (Thank god for 24 hour TV!) - Cold sweats around old gnarly trees in storms. - My skin crawling at the high pitched shrieking cries of children.

Poltergeist is an adventure, a horror classic and always impresses. A perfect leader in the haunted house genre. It’s been quite influential and has some nifty effects for 1982. It always makes me wish that Spielberg had been involved more in the way of horror.

Film4 @ 2100 Predator (1987) *****

With the sad news that Sonny Landham has left this mortal plain get Predator on your watch list to see him in all his glory as the mysterious and intense Billy. R.I.P.

According to Letterboxd I’ve seen this outstanding film 17 times in the last 4 years. That’s not even taking into account the early days on VHS and the many wonderful times on TV where it was dubbed and cut to oblivion. It is one of my all-time favourite films and... I think I have a problem. I can’t stop buying it! I have 5 copies now: VHS, DVD, DVD double set with Predator 2, Blu Ray, and now 3D Blu Ray Steelbook. I am an addict. Why? Well - It's goddam awesome. That's why. Everything in this film works so wonderfully together. All I need now is the 3D Blu Ray in a life size Predator head box set to fulfil my crazy addiction. So, the film…

I last watched it in 3D for the fifth time. The 3D doesn't really bring anything new to the film, as a conversion it still looked a little flat, I was hoping the jungle would really come alive and take me. But it did not detract from my enjoyment one little bit and I will admittedly always grab the glasses for a slice of 3D action if there is ever a choice.

“GET TO DER CHARRPARR!” (Sorry, I couldn’t resist!)

And step away from the remote! It's a Film4 double Bill! Predator 2 is on next. Grab a beer and get ready for some more Predator action.

Best of the rest:

Film4 @ 1635 Rango (2011) ****

5* @ 1900 Labyrinth (1986) ****

Horror @ 2245 We Are Still Here (2015) ****

Film4 @ 2305 Predator 2 (1990) ****

BBC1 @ 2350 Up in the Air (2009) ****

Film4 @ 0115 Serpico (1973) ****

SATURDAY 26th AUGUST

HOT PICKS!

Horror @ 2100 Tucker and Dale Vs. Evil (2010) ****

Tucker and Dale vs. Evil is a stand out comedy from 2010. Although less effective after a few re-watches it still pulls enough laughs to stay up in 4 star territory. For those who have not seen this film please do! It was one of my favourite comedies of 2010 with its great storytelling and the way it tips all expectations on their head. This film had a remarkably fresh feel. Alan Tudyk and Tyler Labine work well together and are a great comedy duo. This is comedy horror done well. Just what the genre needed. Get this on record.

TCM @ 2100 Looper (2012) *****

A thoroughly enjoyable Sci-Fi feast from the director who brought us the outstanding Brick, the little-too-overblown-but-still-decent The Brothers Bloom and is at the helm for Star Wars Episode VIII. In his third outing Rian Johnson has bigger names, a bigger budget and way bigger ambition. Looper really is a good contender to be up there in the list of best films of 2012 with strengths, qualities and conviction that play out this paradox filled plot with style. I accepted the bizarre and very limited use of Time Travel by the future mob, as with all time travel films there is always a certain amount of assumptions and as the film progressed I realised the audience has to dismiss a lot of the why’s, what if’s and but’s, but Johnson makes it easy to simply “go with the flow” with a detailed and immersive story.

My second, third and fourth viewing have been even more enjoyable than the first I fail to see any real problems with this film. Emily Blunt did a sterling job as Sara. The young Pierce Gagnon who played Cid was also a great find.

Overall, this is a fantastic film and immediately cries out for another viewing. Complicated, complex and unpredictable, Johnson has really pulled out all the stops here.

ITV1 @ 2215 Captain Phillips (2013) ****

Hanks steels the show in this emotionally charged slice of reality. Tense. Gripping and feels very human. It doesn’t showboat (sorry) as a good-guys and bad-guy’s story - this is a film that shows the awful truth behind the motivations and outcomes of the events as they pan out. Desperation, victimisation, the circumstances of the Somali pirates that puts them in this altogether desperate situation is touched upon and handled well. This is another Greengrass success. The final scenes caught me a little by surprise and heavy with emotion and with full buy-in to the amazing characters - it’s a tear jerker. A great film.

Film4 @ 2240 The Guest (2014) ****

Best of the rest:

Film4 @ 1100 The Dark Crystal (1982) ***

TCM @ 1205 The Dirty Dozen (1967) ****

ITV3 @ 1450 Casablanca (1942) *****

ITV3 @ 1655 The Queen (2006) ****

Sony @ 1825 Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2000) ****

Sky1 @ 2100 A Few Good Men (1992) ****

Dave @ 2300 Heat (1995) *****

5* @ 2315 The Green Hornet (2011) ***

Sony @ 2315 Inside Man (2006) ***

Film4 @ 0040 Taxi Driver (1976) *****

SUNDAY 27th AUGUST

HOT PICKS!

ITV1 @ 1540 Superman (1978) *****

No Bank Holiday weekend is complete without the original Superman gracing our TV schedules. This film is a classic. Everyone has seen it - it’s been a staple TV weekend and Bank Holiday film for many, many years and with all the sequels and re-imaginings, TV series, spin offs and remakes this 1979 super hero movie still remains the very best of the bunch. Even though the effects are a little old they simply add to the charm of the film. Whereas today bad CGI almost always ruins a film, in 1978 they had to rely on strength of story and this certainly has just that - it’s a consuming adventure with a lot of heart and a great vein of comedy. There’s no better way to kick off your afternoon with the iconic Superman. This is feel good film making at its very best.

C4 @ 2315 The Wolf of Wall Street (2013) *****

Check out Scorsese’s balls-out look at some horrible people doing repugnant things with so much swearing if it was edited it would end before it started. This is a film of excess in every way.

DiCaprio is Jordan Belfort and the film follows his rise and fall in Wall Street. It’s hilarious and repulsive in equal merit, but where this film worked for me is it didn’t seem to be telling me something clever, having an opinion or educating us on what is right or wrong - it simply shows us the American dream encapsulated in one man’s story to power and money. It’s crass, crude and unabashed about what it is. But no matter how much I dissect it I was addicted to this story and could help but follow along wide eyed and mouthed. It’s worth it just for the Lamborghini scene alone. Don’t miss this.

Film4 @ 2310 An American Werewolf in London (1981) *****

It’s only in the last 6 years that I saw this film for the first time and I was concerned that I had missed the boat and it would be horrendously outdated, but I was pleasantly surprised. It barely shows its age at all!

Overall, the film is based on a very simple idea but is executed in a very accomplished way. If you haven’t seen this film, push it to the top of your to do list.

Best of the rest:

TCM @ 0715 What's Up, Doc? (1972) ****

Film4 @ 1525 Mrs. Doubtfire (1993) ****

W @ 1610 The Neverending Story (1984) ***

BBC1 @ 1635 Toy Story 2 (1999) *****

ITV2 @ 1800 Despicable Me (2010) ***

Universal @ 2100 Sleepers (1996) ****

BBC2 @ 2300 The Ides of March (2011) ****

Film4 @ 0105 The Warriors (1979) ****

BANK HOLIDAY MONDAY 28th AUGUST

HOT PICKS!

Dave @ 1405 Kelly's Heroes (1970) *****

Another Bank Holiday staple. Kelly’s Heroes is one of my most watched war films. Well, it’s more of a heist film that just so happens to be set slap bang in the middle of a war zone in WW2. It’s very funny and from the very start Telly Savalas’s rants put a smile on your face and you know exactly what you are in for. The cast are the main driver for this film’s success with a host of interesting and outrageous characters from Telly Savalas’s larger than life Big Joe to Donald Sutherland’s stoner hippy tank driver, Oddball. It certainly doesn’t scrimp on the action either and there are enough bullets and explosions to take down a small country. It’s not all fun and frolics and it still has a few satirical barbs thrown in for good measure. Kelly’s Heroes is a fantastically fun film. Watch this.

Horror @ 2100 Triangle (2009) ****

I’ve always been surprised this film didn’t get more attention. Written and Directed by Christopher Smith we see him really pull out all the stops with this far superior and more complicated story compared to his previous outing Severance. It really shows how he has grown as a film maker. This is a film very difficult to describe without giving too much away. What I can say is it’s a story of a group of 6 passengers on a yacht which capsizes when caught in a freak storm. They come across a large ocean liner and get on board. The Liner is deserted apart from a lone masked gunman… Here the story takes some very interesting turns.

What I will say is Triangle is full to the brim with twists and turns and an excellent performance from Melissa George, Triangle is really fascinating to watch and watch again. It pulls on good qualities from films like “Time Crimes” & “Memento” also with a couple of nods to “The Shining”. Overall this is a very satisfying film you will want to watch over and over and over again.

Film4 @ 0135 Under the Skin (2013) *****

Check out the thoroughly mesmerising film - Jonathan Glazer’s impressive Under the Skin. After my fourth viewing it was as haunting as it was on my first jaunt into the unknown. It always stays lingering in my mind for some time. After my first viewing it was all I could think about for days. This film is so well put together. Completely mysterious, haunting and fascinating. The editing and sound are just simply perfect. The music is chilling and I am always still in awe of this creation long after the credits role. The use of sound is so important here, each extended silence as important as the music itself.

Scarlett Johansson does for this film what Arnie did for The Terminator. Her success seems to lie in what she can hold back and remove, Scarlett strips everything right back and gives a refined and subtle performance. Scaling back seems to be her key, with similar success in her voice-only performance in “Her” - by removing her physical presence, just being an A.I. voice, she came into her own. Less seems to be more. In Under the Skin we see her as a visitor from another world - watching, testing, trying, and learning all new things. Without these experiences and without the initial emotional attachment it just seems to work for Scarlett. She nailed it.

All of the imagery used throughout the film was simply stunning. I will be watching this wonder of a film again very soon.

Best of the rest:

BBC2 @ 1020 Mr. Peabody & Sherman (2014) ***

C5 @ 1435 The Searchers (1956) ****

Film4 @ 1450 The Book of Life (2014) ***

ITV4 @ 1605 Superman (1978) *****

E4 @ 1700 Rio (2011) ***

5* @ 1900 Footloose (1984) ***

ITV1 @ 2100 The Theory of Everything (2014) ****

Film4 @ 2100 Four Weddings and a Funeral (1994) *****

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