#I am not above renaming you if you keep this up you little shit. Don’t think I’m not.

[regallibellbright]

Me, managing along in Pokemon Violet, dealing with the knowledge that, per speedrunners, I have the significantly slower-performing version. (In-game time vs actual time has something like a ten-minute difference in Scarlet and twelve minutes in Violet.) And I’ve always found battles slower than I’d like, especially when you can’t turn animations off. Like in this game. Okay, this is fine.

I get just got the Cascarrafa Gym badge. Next, per level scaling, is either Medali Gym, the Lurking Steel Titan, or Atticus.

In terms of distance to Cascarrafa, Medali’s closest.

I cannot fucking FIND the approach out of Cascarrafa that will get me near Medali for the life of me. I try several attempts that lead to nowhere because the in-game map does not signpost those particular cliffs. I get annoyed encountering Tauros and one-hit KO a Chansey I actively wanted to catch. And then there’s this bridge. It looks like (to my hopelessly spatially-challenged ass) it is leading in generally the right direction.

The Pokemon trainer on one side of the bridge has level 27-33 Pokemon, like I do.

The Pokemon trainer on the other side of the bridge has a level 53 Mismagius.

I realize this, and that I somehow ended up in an area WAY overleveled for me, and resign myself to a team wipe.

The Mismagius’s favorite move is Phantom Force, a two-turn move. I resign myself to a very SLOW team wipe. The last of my Pokemon with a dark-type move is my Noibat. Who has Quick Claw, since his Speed isn’t where I want it to be for, you know, a Noivern.

His Quick Claw activates on the turn where Mismagius is intangible, so I don’t even get THAT hit in.

At this point I actually scream in frustration and my mother asks if I’m okay, since that was the single most irritating thing the RNG could possibly do. Unfortunately, I don’t have autosave on because I was worried about glitches at launch and hadn’t turned it back on yet, so if I reset, I lose all progress and have to do the Gym fight and Gym cutscene again. I don’t wanna deal with the Gym cutscenes again.

Now, fortunately, I also have a Clodsire (who gets Poison Point on the Mismagius when it KOs her with Phantom Force) and an Azumarill. So I’m down to Azumarill, waiting to wipe, and have been looking away from the screen except to change Pokemon because it’s SO EXCRUCIATINGLY SLOW, and get the victory fanfare because somehow this stalled Mismagius out, since its AI kept using a two-turn move when it was poisoned and evidently either used it against a WATER TYPE when I know it had Magical Leaf, or Azumarill could tank a super-effective hit from a Pokemon 20 levels higher but without STAB. Could be either. I did not think to get video of this bullshit.

So I’m obviously done for the night, having healed and saved, because I have NO patience left for the game anymore. I played for maybe thirty minutes in total. I’m starting to see why I haven’t felt as motivated to play this game as to do… anything else, really. I’ve managed to beat both Let’s Go and Shining Pearl, I refuse to let this one beat me, and I AM having fun when things are going well. I like the Team Star gameplay, I have fun with the other two when I’m not putting up with performance issues and VERY SLOW elevator cutscenes, I love my dragon bike, I KNOW the story is good because I’ve seen Bro handle the climax… but the performance issues ARE kicking my ass and I am evidently struggling with the open world in a way I did not with Legends Arceus, at least at this particular point.

I don’t like Pokemon making me feel THIS frustrated in THAT little time.

[collectionofcherries]

👀 i see that you take requests for Billy Loomis from Scream and i am here for that. How about some intense fluff (lol)? maybe what a day spent with his s/o would be like?? could devolve into steamy if you want 👀

Honestly everyone should be here for Billy Loomis. Everyone’s favourite greasy rat boy. ---

Pronouns: Unmentioned however this is written Female!Reader centric and contains feminine words like giggle and association with other women. Warnings: Kissing, fluff, light mention of murder, a literal sprinkle of angst, nothing out of the norm for a Slasher centric fic. Again I think I'm funny so that's a warning. Word Count: 2,226 ---

   “You know one of these days I'm gonna get a lock for that window and force you to use the door.” You remark loudly as you hear it slide open.    You don't even need to move from laying face down in your bed to know it's Billy, who else comes in through a window? “I thought it was romantic you know that whole Romeo and Juliet thing, there's a window somewhere in there, right?”    You can't help but to laugh and turn your head to look at him. “Are you talking about 'what light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun'?” You asked.    “Sure.” He says as he plops down on the bed beside you. “Romantic right?” He teases arching a brow at you.    “Funny enough I don't think Romeo was talking about breaking and entering.” You remark.    “He broke into Juliet's place, didn't he?”    “You'd know if you didn't sleep in English class.”    “What do I need to be awake for? I speak it.”    You roll your eyes to spite your smile. “How about we skip the romantic lessons that ended up with two people dead?” You pitch.    He shrugs a little, his eyes looking around the room before settling on you. “Death can be romantic, what's so wrong with that?” He weighs in.    “I thought you liked horror not romance.” You point out as you roll yourself over onto your back. “Unless you're trying to tell me you wanna watch the Titanic instead of IT?” You tease.    He rolls his eyes at you but you can see the corners of his mouth are turned up. “We're watching IT?” He remarks.    “Yes because if I have to watch The Exorcist one more time I'm going to start puking.” You say pointedly, you love him but you can't keep watching that movie.    He lets out a scoff. “Maybe I was wrong about you liking romance seems like you're going for drama.”    You shove his shoulder and he grabs the hand you use to do so. “I thought you'd love IT, it's got your two favourite things” You point out and he arches a brow at you skeptically as he laces his fingers with your own. “Murder and clowns.” You insist.    “Clowns?”    “You're best friends with Stu, you have to love clowns.” You giggle sticking your tongue out in glee at your own joke.    “Yeah we'll stick with horror you're not great with comedy.” He says rolling his eyes.    Before you have a chance to insist you're hilarious cause you are he leans down and kisses you, guess you'll have to make a point of how funny you are later. And judging by the heat of his kisses he's hoping for much later. Billy's kisses are deep, to spite his standoff-ish nature he practically shatters bones with how close he wants to be to you in times of intimacy but even with his desperate need to lose himself in it he relishes every moment and takes his time, never in a rush, hands never too grabby as they explore you, if you let him he'll take his time for hours. But your body seems to have a different idea as to what it should be filled with as your stomach breaks the sizzling silence with a loud growl that makes you both laugh a little. “Maybe horror is what we should stick with.” You pant out.    Earning a breathy chuckle from him. "No arguments from me, long as it's rated R.”    If he wasn't so pretty above you, you'd roll your eyes. But he is so pretty. Brown hair coming down in shiny if not a little greasy strands that frame his face, warm brown eyes turned up at the corners from his smile, Billy is just...warm, everything about him is warm, especially the way he practically melts into the hand you bring up to cradle his face. “Sounds like you're trying to get out of my movie pick.” You point out, jokingly pouting out your bottom lip.    “I did bring Psycho.” He offers.    He's not pretty enough to stop that eye roll. “We've watched Psycho like a dozen times now.”    “Yeah, we know it so well we don't have to pay attention.” He points out running his tongue across his teeth and looking you over to get his point across.    “If you wanna get it, you're gonna have to watch IT.” You decide.    He sighs but his smile doesn't leave his face. “Alright, alright, we'll watch your

clown movie.”     He sits up and you follow halfway, letting go of his hand to drag yourself up to lean back on your elbows. “I thought you were gonna bring pizza this week, I brought it last week.” You point out as you realize he's empty handed.    Your stomach certainly seems to notice as it lets out another squelch. “You didn't hear?”    “Hear what?”    “Pizza place closed down, one of the workers in there got murdered.” He said his words dragging out slowly.    “Did they say who? When'd this happen?” You ask as shock rocketed through you, you were there literally last week!    “News said it was that Alex kid” And it seemed to spite his death Billy still had distain in his voice for him. “You know the one.” And you just nodded as you took that in, Alex had been working there as long as you'd been going. “He had it coming.”    “What?” Was all that made it out of you.    “He had it coming.” He said again this time looking right at you. “That kid was creep, the way he looked at you, the shit he said.” He pointed out, this wasn't the first time Billy had gotten angry about Alex or any other guy that flirted with you for that matter but Alex always made his blood boil and if you thought about it-...if you were being fair, he made you mad too, he just never knew when enough was enough. “You know I'm right, you can't tell me I'm not.”    You took what felt like a painful breath as you tried to think of what to say back, words started to form but they never finished as your brain grappled with the idea of Alex's death. “Did they say what happened?” Finally came out.    Maybe some other girl had just had enough, maybe it'd been quick...maybe then it wouldn't seem so bad. “Gutted like the pig he was.” So much for it not seeming so bad. "Happened when he was closing down, idiot left the back door open...I mean what'd he expect to happen?” He scoffed shaking his head. “Wasn't much of a fight, pretty quick...bloody though.” He said his eyes slipping from you to roam around, not particularly focused on anything. “Couldn't tell the difference from all that blood and the marinara sauce.” A quiet chuckle making it's way out of him at the end. “Found bits of him in the oven too.”    “That was all on the news?” You breathed out, the words leaving your mouth without your permission.    But the question hung in the air for what felt like too long, Billy's eyes not meeting yours for too long. “Uh-huh.” Finally made it's way out of him as he chewed on the inside of his cheek for a moment. “You know how Gale Weathers reports, that bitch loves those details.”     You nod but there's an uncomfortableness that sits in your chest that you're desperate to get away from. “Chinese it is then tonight huh?” You try to tease.    “So, you're not too sad about the Pizza place shutting down?” He asks finally looking over at you.    Out of all the things to be concerned about...but that was real concern in Billy's eyes. “It's probably for the best...I mean even if it opened up again I don't know if I could eat there again knowing about the...pizza sauce.” You said swallowing hard at the end trying your best not to picture it.    “They could rename it Hannibal Lecter's Pizza Place.” He pitched smiling at you.    Your gag is half real as you sit up fully. “Yeah, remember how I said I'm not gonna read that book? Well I'm really not gonna read it now.” You say making a disgusted face at him.    “You'd like it, Clarice makes me think of you.”     You maul over that, it's not a bad thing to be compared to Jodie Foster but not knowing the context you weren't sure how to feel. “I don't know exactly what that means but I'll take it as you saying I'm as hot as Jodie Foster and not that you're gonna eat me.”     “He doesn't eat Jodie Foster.” He points out rolling his eyes at you.    “Oh good.”    “You know one of the only reasons he even talks to her is cause one of the other guys in the nut house flicks cum at her.” Maybe it was a good thing you hadn't eaten cause another gag made it's way out of you. “And he finds it really fuckin'

rude...he doesn't say it but I think he would've killed him if he had the chance.” He says nodding a little to himself. “I would've.” He adds shrugging and before you can even really take that in he's talking again. “Anyway, the story is kinda about getting under someone's skin, understanding the way they think...the way they are...no one really does that besides Clarice you know? She understands him, she's horrified but she understands him.” And his eyes found yours once again, they're intense to spite his seemingly relaxed posture. “She makes me think of you because you get me.”    How could something so sweet come across so dark? A smile makes it's way across your lips to spite your confusion...you do get Billy, you know him, you love him. These weird horror movie references are just how he gets by in the world and comes to understand himself...how you’ve come to understand him and this is no different. You're convinced you're thinking way too much over what he's saying, he's just trying to talk to you in his own way. Yeah that's it. The breath that was painfully sitting in your chest escapes you and you reach over to hold his hand again and you realize the intense look in his eyes isn't something that should scare you, it's familiar, you've seen it before it's just the way he looks when he's yearning for physical intimacy and now it's melted into the same warm look you know so well. “I'm still not gonna read it...but next week it is your turn to pick a movie.” You point out. “Can't stop you from bringing it over.”     He smiles and you can't help but to smile back at him, he raises his free hand to cradle your face and this time its your turn to melt into his palm as he leans in and kisses you. Whatever worry you had is drowned out by the taste of love on his lips. “You're not gonna leave me too right? You can't...you're the only one who understands.” It sounds needy as it's said between kisses.    You know what he means, it's something that's been brought up before, all his anger and resentment for his mother leaving seemingly out of the blue makes him unsure of so much. It's not often he needs reminding that you're not going anywhere but every time he does it breaks your heart to hear all the desperation in his voice. “I'm not going anywhere.” You promise.    This usually leads to sex that leaves you both almost physically unable to go anywhere and as clothes are starting to be fisted off, your stomach once again decides it too has desperation its desperation to eat! And once again you both pull back to laugh. “I might go into the living room to use the phone to call for Chinese.” You half tease.    He chuckles as he rolls off of you. “Guess that's alright.” He teases back.    You both lay there for a moment trying to catch your breath and find the energy to leave this bed but the odds stack even further against you as you feel his thumb smooth over the top of your hand that he's still holding. “You know I think I can hear Stu crying.” You joke making Billy look at you like you've got 5 heads. “I'm the only one who understands you? I mean he's gotta be crying.” You clear.    He laughs shaking his head. “Yeah, comedy isn't for you.” He reminds.    “You're wrong and saying so has cost you your egg roll.” You decide and he looks at you with a look that can only be describes as 'really?' “Stu finds me funny, maybe I'll order him an egg roll.” You point out as you get up.    “Stu finding you funny doesn't mean anything, Stu thinks he's hysterical.” He scoffs    “Well, he is hysterical.” You scoff back at him. “Now tell me I'm funny or I'm taking away your dumplings next.”     “I'd kill you for that.” He says looking at you smiling a little. “So...be careful, your life could be in my hands.”     “Yeah well your Chinese Food is in my hands.” You teasingly threaten back putting your hands on your hips.    His smile broadens. “That was kinda funny.”  --- ~Admin Coral🍒 Buy Me A Coffee?

[halothenthehorns]

TLTNL- SNAPE’S WORST MEMORY

Vague note before you read; I don't like Snape. I never switched to honestly feeling anything other than vindictive 'I want to punch him in the face' syndrome for this guy. I never transgressed into the wondering realization he's a good person just because he loved someone. Yes he had a hard life, yes he sacrificed it to protect someone else, but I'm sorry, it does not make up for the countless things he does to children. Call it a cover, call it whatever you like, I don't condone it. 

Sorry if that disappoints you or you at all disagree, feel free to argue back as I do love differences of opinion and will never scorn anyone for thinking otherwise. At least know I will never put such things into the fic, verbatim anyways, because Harry clearly thinks differently, and this is his story. Like with all other characters who people have different opinions about, all sides will be shown, even Snape's.

HPHPHPHP

Remus glanced at the clock and saw it was getting close to lunchtime, but he decided to keep going now with even the slimmest of hopes Dumbledore would make some miraculous return. He just couldn't imagine it, Hogwarts without Dumbledore?! Even in Harry's second year the idea had trouble him, and the Ministry had caused that one as well, admittedly through Malfoy instead of Fudge, but how on Earth did this keep happening? He forced himself to remember it wasn't right now, Dumbledore was up at the school this moment helping them fight off Voldemort for now, so he had to remain focused on that to begin, and immediately regretted it.

BY ORDER OF THE MINISTRY OF MAGIC

"Oh not another one!" James demanded, though at some point he really should have stopped being so surprised.

Dolores Jane Umbridge (High Inquisitor) has replaced Albus Dumbledore as Head of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

The above is in accordance with Educational Decree Number Twenty-eight.

"That's not even, the Ministry can't-" James spluttered. The Ministry decreeing teachers at the school was mind blowing enough, but now apparently they could just assign headmasters to the school! What next, they were going to start put wizards behind the desk at Gringotts?

"I can not imagine this," Sirius groaned in disgust. "That, that kitten stalker behind Dumbledore's desk, and now with total control of the school! Is there anything she can't get away with doing now?"

Remus was so gray in color it was almost terrifying. The image wouldn't even form in his mind, the kind headmaster who had allowed him into the school replaced by that- that- he didn't even have any insults left!

Lily felt petrified for the students well being, she almost couldn't breathe for a moment at the thought of what all she could get away with now in regards to those detentions.

  Signed by the Minister of Magic. These notices had been put up in the school overnight, as well as the story spreading of Dumbledore's miraculous escape from said Minister, The High Inquisitor, two Aurors, and the Junior Assistant to the Minister.

"Percy wasn't there when that happened," James corrected. "He'd left before Dumbledore started the fight."

"I'm surprised the school wasn't adding in a whole Auror department to the list, so I didn't correct them," Harry shrugged.

Details of this had gone away with people, such as one girl insisting to another Fudge was now in St. Mungo's with a pumpkin for a head,

"I wish," Sirius grumbled.

but what was surprising was how accurate the rest of their information was.

"How did they know everything?" Harry asked bemusedly.

"The portraits," all four at once reminded him.

Such as the detail that only Harry and Marietta were witnesses, and as the later was still in the hospital wing trying to get her curse removed, Harry was now being bombarded with first-hand account requests.

"There's nothing new," Harry sighed.

When told to Ernie, on their way back from Herbology, he at once assured Dumbledore would be back, and even divulged his own herd information from the Fat Friar, that Umbridge had later been seen trying to get back into the office, but was now bard. Apparently she'd thrown a right tantrum when unable to get in.

"Ha!" Sirius' bark of triumphant laughter was heavily echoed by all of them. It wasn't nearly what the cat barf was owed, but for the smallest moment, they got to enjoy her misery instead of the other way around.

Hermione viciously said how much she'd have loved to seen that. Fancying herself up in the Head's office, lording over all the teachers while being a puffed-up, power-crazy old-

Cut in of did Granger really want to finish that sentence?

"Yes, yes she does," Sirius protested of whoever had interrupted something nice for a change.

Malfoy had come upon them.

"Why am I not surprised," James muttered as he buried his face in his hands, somehow knowing this was only about to get worse with that albino reject involved.

He at once declared he was going to have to take points from both houses.

"Prefects can't take points away from other houses," Remus scoffed.

"I'm sure he's just already been promised Head Boy and was practicing," James rolled his eyes.

Ernie corrected only teachers could dock points from houses that weren't theirs.

"I wonder how many times he's had to be reminded of that when trying to bully little first year Gryffindors," Sirius scowled.

Ron reminding they were Prefects too.

"Actually sometimes I forgot," Harry muttered. After the initial shock, Ron had never made much of a show of it except for a few occasions.

Malfoy agreed prefects couldn't dock their points, also referring to him as Weasel King,

"Clever," Remus sneered with exaggerated sarcasm.

but the Inquisitorial Squad-

"The what?" Remus was interrupted by all four of them, which he found unnecessary as he'd been wondering the exact same thing.

he was cut off by Hermione demanding what that was.

Malfoy pointed to the I silver badge he had on his robes above his own Prefect badge, stating it was a select group hand picked by Professor Umbridge.

"I'm going to cry," Sirius vowed. "I, this, how do they keep managing to make shit up as they go along!"

"I never would have believed the school could turn into something so," James trailed off, without words for how different this place had become from his memory.

The Inquisitorial Squad did have the power to dock points from anyone.

"That just, completely undermines the whole system," Lily rubbed furiously at her forehead, thinking Fudge should be done with it already and rename Hogwarts 'The pre-Ministry of Magic.'

Then he continued with his first though, taking five from Granger for insulting the Headmistress, five from Macmillan for correcting him, five from Potter because he didn't like him,

Harry's eyes had narrowed with every insult Malfoy had given, even after all these years he still managed to find ways to be the most insufferable person in that castle, his only saving grace was he wasn't as bad as Snape and Umbridge, yet.

then five from Weasley for his shirt being untucked,

"Just take a round hundred why don't you, it'll be faster!" Sirius felt like his eyes were going to pop out of his head if he rolled them any harder.

oh, and he'd almost forgotten, an extra ten from Granger for being a Mudblood.

"Nice to know he forgets sometimes," Remus said testily, "I certainly never fail to forget how much of an arse he is."

Ron furiously reached for his wand, while Hermione pushed his arm down and hissed at him not to.

"Is she off her rocker?" Lily snarled. "I'd have cursed him at the start of this already."

"Trust me, none of us would have stopped you," James growled.

Malfoy was uncovered, stating new Head, new times, they'd better be getting used to this. Then they left.

The four turned to the hour-glasses that showed all house points, worrying that this couldn't really be happening,

"I wish I'd thought that for even a second," James shook his head, but he'd long since stopped questioning the depths that woman would go.

but even as they watched, the points shot down. Whereas Gryffindor had been neck and neck with Ravenclaw this morning, now they were both significantly less, as was Hufflepuffs house showing immense drops, the only unchanged one being Slytherin.

Lily looked about ready to pull her hair out in frustration. She couldn't believe such blatant favoritism could continue, the system had been slightly off kilter before and now it was just rampant.

The twins arrived then, commiserating Montague had tried the same thing with them during break.

"What does he mean, tried?" Sirius eagerly demanded.

Ron asked what he meant by tried?

Sirius was so giddy to hear any bout of revenge, he didn't even bother to gloat he'd just mimicked Ron.

Fred said without concern he hadn't gotten all the words out, as they'd stuffed him into the Vanishing Cabinet on the first floor before he could.

All five of them burst out with laughter for this, Harry's feeling a little more forced than he understood why.

Hermione looked shocked, saying they'd get into trouble.

Fred disagreed, at least not until they found Montague, and that could take weeks. Then they declared they still didn't care.

"Did they ever?" Lily rolled her eyes.

"Never been expelled were they," James defended. "Clearly they had some restraint."

Lily wasn't sure how he was able to say that as if it were actually a good thing.

Hermione asked if they ever had?

George said of course, they'd never been expelled.

Without looking up, Remus reached over and put his hand against Sirius' mouth so he could keep going very loudly. Sirius waited impatiently until his hand got tired and he removed it before bursting out anyways, "Lily and James mimicked them!"

"Thank you Blackie, I hadn't noticed," James said blandly, while Sirius crinkled his face in disgust for that nickname.

"Shut up Comet," Sirius snapped back.*

Fred pointing out they'd always drawn the line, George correcting they might have crossed it occasionally, but Fred pointing out they'd never caused real mayhem.

"Honestly, I'm not quite sure why," Remus mock pouted.

"I know I wouldn't have the restraint with the year I've been hearing about," Sirius agreed.

Ron asked about now?

Fred and George simultaneously agreed mayhem was exactly what their new Head deserved.

"I love them!" James declared. "Lily, we need to have twins."

Lily smacked him upside the head even while she was repressing giggles.

Hermione said they couldn't, Umbridge would have them expelled.

"I recall a conversation where they don't care," Sirius said eagerly, wondering how on Earth this could be Hermione's first thought.

Fred shook his head at her naivety, saying they didn't care, they'd leave right now except they wanted to pay their dues to Dumbledore first.

James was still bouncing in his seat like an excited toddler, glee and eagerness to hear what he'd been expecting from the pair of them ever since Umbridge had kicked his son off the Quidditch team. He had no clue what they'd been doing in the meantime, but surmised that the change may well have been they'd finally gotten premises for wherever their shop was to be. Glory this was going to be worth the wait, of that he was confident.

Then George informed them they may want to toddle along to the Great Hall so the teachers could see them peacefully at lunch.

Hermione asked why, and George promised they'd see.

"I'd fear for my life if I were Umbridge," Remus' grin was stretching into one Harry had grown to associate with a Marauder story.

"She hasn't the sense, and I'm almost glad for it," Sirius corrected with the same look in place.

Fred and George disappeared, and Ernie quickly did the same muttering about homework.

"I forgot he was there," Lily snickered. "I wonder how well he knew the twins before this to have such a reaction?"

"Clearly quite well, as he knew to make a run for it," Harry said with a smirk.

Hermione said perhaps they should go get some lunch.

James clucked his tongue at Hermione, Dumbledore couldn't have dragged him away from watching this.

Ron instantly agreed, and the three tried to move in with the rest of the que,

All three boys groaned loudly in agitation, they would have paid anything to get front row seats for whatever the twins had planned, and their boy was walking away from it!

Harry hardly looked upset at their reaction, he was vividly remembering already that they wouldn't have long to wait for details.

but when Harry turned around, he came face to face with Filch. He quickly took a step back, the caretaker was best viewed from a distance.

"Filch is best viewed not at all," Sirius corrected while all of them frowned for what this news could be for. Filch did not single out students for good reasons.

He told Potter the Headmistress wanted to see him.

"Don't call Dumbledore a woman," James rolled his eyes.

Harry at once stupidly said he didn't do it, his mind still on Fred and George.

Lily busted out laughing loudly at the look of chagrin on Harry's face and the three boys affronted look their boy was such a terrible on the spot liar. It hurt their soul.

Filch gave a silent, wheezing laughter at his guilty conscience, then instructed him to follow.

"Don't do it Harry," Sirius said at once.

"And what, run the other way and get in more trouble?" Harry demanded.

Sirius declined answering no matter how tempted he was to say yes, run all the way to Grimmauld place. Who'd have thought he'd ever even think such a thing?

He exchanged a look with Ron and Hermione before doing so, and as they left the crowd, he saw Filch was in an extremely good mood.

"Great, now I'm starting to fear for your life," Remus groaned.

"At least I have the sense to agree," Harry sighed.

He hummed to himself all the way up the marble staircase before informing Potter things were going to be changing around here.

"We've noticed," James said harshly, it had been disturbing him for quite some time.

Harry coldly said he'd noticed.

"Oh good, I thought it had just been us," Sirius tried for a happy snicker, though it was clear how distracted he was he hadn't realized this had been said twice.

Filch continued he'd been telling Dumbledore for years he was too soft on the students.

"And your idea of correcting that was medieval torture," Remus pleasantly reminded. "I'm sure he can understand why normal teachers methods are better."

These filthy little beasts dropping Stink Pellets every which way, they wouldn't have been doing so if they'd known he had the power to whip them raw.

Lily blanched in horror while the boys smiled grimly. They just couldn't believe Filch would ever go through with it, considering how often he'd threatened this and he'd always been laughed off.

Nobody would have been throwing Fanged Frisbees down the corridors if he could've strung them up by the ankles in his office.

"Why doesn't he ever just go for the Heretic fork, that's a grand old torture," Sirius offered in what he was sure was a helpful tone of voice.

"I don't even want to know what that is," Lily shook her head.

When the new Educational Decree Number Twenty-nine came through though, oh he'd be able to do that and much more.

"If he ever goes through with that, I'll give the man his own award," Remus snickered with a bit of an edge, implying it wasn't a trophy kind.

The Minister had even signed an order for the expulsion of Peeves.

"They're going to blow up that castle trying," James said conversationally.

"Hopefully the twins stick around long enough at least see that," Remus said without concern.

Harry was not happy to hear the lengths Umbridge had gone to to get Filch on her side, but he knew they'd pay off considering his extensive knowledge of all the school's secret passages, rivaled only by the Weasley twins.

"While that's true," Sirius sighed, "I still can't find him anymore of a credible threat than his cat. Timing is key in avoidance of him."

He finally stopped outside Umbridge's office, so very familiar to Harry from his many detentions.

"I'd be very pleased if you stopped reminding me of that," Lily hissed, though it wouldn't actually help, as that was ingrained into her being as much as the back of his hand.

The usual pink décor was as eye watering as ever, the only new thing the block of wood on her desk declaring her as Headmistress.

Remus adopted quite a cruel smirk for that was all she could claim, a useless block of wood. The school would never follow her.

Also his Firebolt and the twins Cleansweeps were chained to the wall behind her desk with iron pegs.

Lily raised a brow and stated, "a bit overkill," while James and Sirius looked physically pained at the thought.

She thanked Argus for his fetching Potter, while Harry took a seat. Not knowing what fresh horror to expect,

"I stopped wondering that and now just dread it," Remus grumbled.

he was completely started when she asked him what he'd like to drink.

"Don't do it Harry," James said at once.

"It's probably poisoned," Sirius agreed grimly.

"I just wouldn't accept anything from her on principle," Remus crinkled his nose at the thought, all of them wondering at what she hoped to accomplish by the sudden nicety.

When he hesitated, she prompted tea, coffee, pumpkin juice?

"The most fast acting poison you have," Lily muttered.

He at first refused, but upon her persistence, he picked tea.

She turned her back and made quite a show of pouring it into the cup as well as some milk before turning back to him.

"I'm starting to think that wasn't a joke," Lily told Sirius.

"I never meant it as one," Sirius agreed.

She requested he drink up while they have a chat, but when Harry still only held the cup, she impatiently waved him to try it.

The look on Harry's face was clearly strained, and they could all understand why at having to play niceties at this. The real problem was they couldn't put their finger down on why she was doing this.

He finally raised the cup to his lips, but froze at the last second upon spotting a kitten with very blue eyes, the same shade as Mad-Eye Moody's special eye. He could easily imagine what the old Auror would say to him drinking something from a known enemy.

James's mouth popped open with outrage. "You mean you actually were going to take a sip before you saw that?"

"But I didn't," Harry protested, starting to rub in agitation at his forehead, somehow knowing he'd be quite grateful for this, though not a clue as to why, she hadn't really poisoned that had she?

"At least Mad-Eye left a good impression, even the fake one," Sirius grumbled.

Instead he falsely took a sip with his lips firmly pressed together, and once he had, she asked if he knew where Albus Dumbledore was.

Lily was getting a worse feeling by the second, and she hadn't thought it could be possible, considering his company. "Why does she think you'd know that?"

"No clue," Harry sighed, as always wishing he had a better answer for them.

Harry instantly said he had no clue, and Umbridge went right back to encouraging to drink up his tea.

James kept shifting his weight with heavy unease, wishing she'd stop with the farce of politeness in this drink already, though perhaps that's the only way to be nice she knew, the fake kind. All he really wanted to do was transform her into a teapot and shatter the pieces already.

When she repeated the question but got the same answer, she switched to asking for the whereabouts of Sirius Black.

Remus choked hard, he couldn't even get his full name out, but he didn't need to, it was clear they'd understood.

"No," James hissed, looking nearly faint.

"No, she can't have, there's no way she knew that was you!" Lily protested. "I, you, you've actually been really careful, and smart, and..." she trailed off, because her words gave her no comfort, and it was clear they were going straight past the others.

"Okay, okay," Harry practically yelled to keep their attention before they had an utter panic attack to rival the one screaming in his head. "She doesn't know where he is, that's why she's asking!"

"But why!" Remus snarled, his eyes glued to the words, ignoring how hard it was becoming to breathe from the mounting fear. "She shouldn't have any clue what you know about him, as far as they're concerned he's still after you!"

"Something's changed," Sirius said slowly, and honestly the scariest part to all of them was how hard Sirius was clearly trying to keep up his usual calm in regards to this. "The only thing I can think of was that Azkaban break. Despite their stupid story they published, they realized something wasn't right, and they're trying to find some alternative. The only one they've got is what Dumbledore offered, so if they believe I was out trying to help Harry..." he trailed off with a miserable shake to his head. He had no hope that this change would help him at all, they'd still do everything in their power to bury all this even while looking for someone to blame.

Remus was not comforted, none of them were. It terrified him to keep going, to know what else Umbridge had called Harry up there to ask, though what in her sugar frosted mind made her think he'd answer was beyond him. Most likely she was just looking for a tell, some way to show he was lying to throw him back in detention.

Harry's stomach turned violently, the teacup in his hand shook and he pretended to take another long drink to stall, spilling some over his chin before answering he had no clue to this as well.

James couldn't help his high pitched keening noise. Harry was a terrible liar, they'd well established this, so if Umbridge had any uncertainties before, she'd know now Harry did know something.

Harry recognized that look, and flinched with guilt. He could feel tears stinging his eyes in frustration that he couldn't do Sirius any help, that somehow he was in fact going to make this all worse for his Godfather.

Umbridge was not impressed, saying she knew there had been someone in the Gryffindor tower, all the Floo Networks were being watched, except her own of course.

Harry made much the same noise James just had in distress. Remus gave him a sympathetic look for all the wrong reasons, but all they could think of was how upset Harry was he'd be going the rest of the year without talking to Sirius, something none of them had ever had to do.

Her Inquisitorial Squad was going through all mail, Filch keeping an eye on every secret passageway. If she found one shred of evidence-

BOOM!

"Thank you," Sirius nodded solemnly. "I really wanted her to be cut off."

James had to think hard past his unending worries regarding his brother to recall where or why this noise would be made, and had never yet been more grateful for the twins.

The floor shook, Umbridge nearly slipped off her chair, as both looked in surprise to the door. Umbridge took off at once, and Harry only paused long enough to dump his still full cup into a plants vase before darting after her.

"I'm sure that saved your life," Lily shook her head, they still hadn't ruled out that drink being deadly.

He could hear people running and screaming several floors below.

"Well Harry certainly has an alibi now," Remus muttered.

The source was not difficult to find.

"I'd be disappointed if it was," Sirius rolled his eyes.

One floor down, pandemonium reigned. Somebody (and Harry had a very shrewd idea who)

"Flitwick?" James offered helpfully.

"No, no, Crookshanks must have set something off," Sirius said blandly.

"You're both ridiculous," Remus told them fondly, "obviously it was Ginny."

Harry found a smile somewhere in him for their antics. He couldn't help it, they never ceased to be able to do that no matter how heavy his mind got.

had set off what seemed to be an enormous crate of enchanted fireworks.

"Moony," Sirius pouted, "why do you always get the best parts."

Remus scowled at him, honestly thinking that heart failure over what Umbridge could know had hardly been worth discovering whatever the twins were up to, but merely smacked him upside the head in response.

Dragons comprised entirely of green and gold sparks were soaring up and down the corridors, emitting loud fiery blasts and bangs as they went; shocking-pink Catherine wheels five feet in diameter were whizzing lethally through the air like so many flying saucers; rockets with long tails of brilliant silver stars were ricocheting off the walls; sparklers were writing swear words in midair of their own accord; firecrackers were exploding like mines everywhere Harry looked, and instead of burning themselves out, fading from sight or fizzling to a halt, these pyrotechnical miracles seemed to be gaining in energy and momentum the longer he watched.

Filch and Umbridge were standing, apparently transfixed in horror, halfway down the stairs. As Harry watched, one of the larger Catherine wheels seemed to decide that what it needed was more room to manoeuvre; it whirled towards Umbridge and Filch with a sinister 'wheeeeeeeeee'. They both yelled with fright and ducked, and it soared straight out of the window behind them and off across the grounds. Meanwhile, several of the dragons and a large purple bat that was smoking ominously took advantage of the open door at the end of the corridor to escape towards the second floor.**

Umbridge screamed at Filch to stun them before they could get away while firing off the spell herself.

The others had been far too enraptured listening to such descriptions to dare interrupt, but now that it was clear their details had been shut off for now, they still couldn't quite force words of wonder from their mouths, they were actually stunned stupid by something so spectacular occurring in their old hallways.

"The, twins, managed..." Remus trailed off there, words weren't good enough to cover this fantastic feat.

"These are the best kids ever!" Sirius shouted, his vivid imagination nearly not enough to cover this.

"I don't care what we do, we have to make sure at least this is managed again," James stated in no uncertain terms.

Lily was too busy giggling in agreement to add in.

However, the moment the red spell connected with a rocket, it exploded and tore out a chunk of wall. Umbridge at once turned on Filch and told him not to do that as if he'd suggested it.

"I'm not surprised she blames her actions on others," Lily managed to get out less hatefully than normal considering she was still laughing.

Filch needlessly agreed, being a Squib he could do this no more than swallow them,

"No, but I'd like to see him try," Sirius said with enthusiasm.

but instead went for a broom and tried swatting at them, only managing to achieve setting that on fire.

"Probably his most brilliant idea ever," Remus cackled.

Harry ducked away still laughing like crazy, and found the twins in the nearest corridor listening to the chaos with suppressed mirth.

"They've far more restraint than I would have thought," Lily managed while her shoulders still shook. "I would have expected them to proudly be standing under them."

"No sense when everyone will know who did it, but then you can't prove it," James corrected.

Harry told them he was impressed, they'd put Filibuster out of business for sure.

"Well I should hope not," James couldn't stop smirking. "A little healthy competition is good for them."

George whispered he hoped she tried Vanishing them next, that made them multiply by ten.

Impossibly, fresh and renewed laughter began again in here, now they were all wondering the ways these things could get better the more magic you tried to use on them.

The show continued for the rest of the day, often disrupting classes, though the teachers hardly seemed to mind.

"Because we have the best staff ever," Harry managed in between roaring with laughter.

For instance, when a dragon came soaring through the room, McGonagall blandly asked Miss Brown to go fetch their headmistress without out so much as looking up from her desk.

"I miss McGonagall," Remus wheezed out.

The highlight of all this being Umbridge spent her first day as Headmistress running around the castle covered in soot in her attempt to be rid of the firework, whom the teachers seemed incapable of expelling without her around.

"But of course not," Sirius widened his eyes with mock concern despite a few tears still pouring out of them. "We have no idea what kind of magic is behind these, who knows whose subject they relate to," which only managed to fill the room with even more laughter.

Flitwick had even been seen thanking her for the help, after all, he wasn't sure he had the authority to do this himself, before slamming the door in her face.

Lily nearly fell off the couch in utter hysterics, her infant laughing loudly along the only restraint holding her together.

The twins were the heroes of the common room that night, taking orders from everyone in the school for their own set of Weasleys Wildfire Whiz-bangs. Hermione fought her way through just to congratulate them, and they offered to add her to the list for a discount.

She returned to Harry and Ron to find them watching their bags as if hoping the homework would spring out and do itself.

"Wait, wait," James insisted with a rewind motion, and continued with the most important question yet, "did she buy some?"

Harry just blinked innocently without response.

Hermione offered they could do that later as wheel went whizzing past the window.

"I knew it!" Sirius pumped his fist in triumph. "I knew that one had to have more fun in her life than we'd been led to believe."

Ron asked if she was feeling alright, and she happily informed them she was feeling a bit rebellious.

"I'm so proud," James didn't even have to fake rubbing tears from his face.

"Only took her group getting disbanded to admit it," Harry chuckled.

"Though how she went from an illegal study group to not doing homework as rebellious is beyond me," Sirius said only semi-intelligible from laughing so hard.

Even when he headed up to bed they were still going full strong, a sparkler pausing right at their dorm window to write out Poo.

Harry was starting to get worried none of them had stopped laughing for so long, surely they were all going to run out of air soon, and yet none of them could seem to care. This was far too brilliant and a perfect shot of relief after all the stress they'd been dealing with of late.

He got into bed grinning at what Fudge would think when he heard of Umbridge's first day at Dumbledore's job,

"Probably furious," Sirius said with chipper.

"I can only hope it gets worse," Remus insisted with a grin, though he was flabbergasted how after that display.

and how Fudge would react when he heard that the school had spent most of the day in a state of advanced disruption.

"Oh I'm sure he'll find some way to cover it up, that's what he's best at," James rolled his eyes.

The moment he closed his eyes though, he was back in the long dark corridor of the Department of Mysteries, racing to the black door that opened to his touch.

The smiles slipped right off all of their faces like Snape had just appeared into the room. It felt impossible it should happen so fast, but the reminder of this dream and how deep Harry kept going just couldn't feel any good for them as it only reminded them of Voldemort's unexplained connection, and obsession with this place.

He was inside the circular room lined with doors . . . he crossed it, placed his hand on an identical door and it swung inwards . . .

Remus released a sharp breath, he didn't want to keep going, to find out how far Voldemort had gone inside this place. Whatever Voldemort was after it wasn't a good thing, couldn't those fireworks just wake Harry up again already.

Then he was in a new, rectangular room full of odd ticking sounds with odd specks of light, but he didn't investigate and kept pushing on into the next room, which was the largest yet, as big as a cathedral and filled with enormous rows of small, dusty looking spheres...and he knew this was it, he wanted something in here more than anything...and his scar was hurting-

BANG!

Remus finally sighed in relief, shaking slightly from failed adrenalin in the face of coming within arms reach of this mysterious whatever it was. He glanced up at the others, to see if they had any idea of what to make of that new information, when he saw Harry in a right state.

His face was screwed up tight, once tears of mirth now clearly were burning out from something far more unbearable. It was heartbreaking, to watch him flip so drastically all because his mind was forced to live through so many things at one time, things he couldn't even put into words without fearing something far worse happening than just pain.

Lily was trying to surge forward even still cradling her infant, but James beat her to the punch, trying to make his sitting on the edge of the couch casual even as he hovered over Harry in pure agitation he couldn't be of more help than this.

They all wanted to do more, say something for him, but he seemed paralyzed with pain, and Remus would do anything to help him, and so he did the only thing he could think of.

Harry awoke back in his dorm, confused and angry to hear laughter all around him, Seamus shouting about how cool that was,

"No, no it isn't," James grumbled petulantly as he continued to rub at Harry's back.

Remus agreed, having to fight hard to keep his attention on the book.

all four of them crowded around a window where a wheel and a rocket seemed to have mated.

It took an extra moment for them to reel back and remember what they'd just been laughing so hard about, and Harry wished he could feel more regret for ruining their moment of fun instead of always being the source of a problem with his blasted mind.

Harry did not get up and join them, instead left stewing with disappointment, like he'd been denied a wonderful treat.

Harry forced out a laugh that sounded nothing but hollow to everyone, even his own ears. He almost longed for that feeling now, it would be better than the wash of other things he kept feeling as a constant mention of that place continued to make him sick with worry.

A glittering pink and silver winged piglets was now soaring past the windows of Gryffindor Tower outside, actually catching Harry's attention.

Lily opened and closed her mouth in fasciation, longing to just go back and marvel at the twins magic with these things, and yet never having been less interested in magic as her child fought to retain any sense of normality.

Yet he still could not and join the whoops of joy from those around him, as he now remembered he had an Occlumency lesson the following evening.

"Oh boy," Sirius grumbled distastefully, while Harry somehow managed to look all the more worried about that.

He spent the whole day worrying what Snape's reaction was going to be when he saw Harry had gotten even farther, and his guilt only rose when he realized how long it had been since he'd bothered practicing his Occlumency.

"Can't even blame you," James shook his head pitifully for everything Harry went through on a daily basis, how Dumbledore, Snape, or anyone expected Harry to empty his mind of all that was beyond him.

There had been too much going on since Dumbledore had left; he was sure he would not have been able to empty his mind even if he had tried.

"Honestly understandable," Remus sighed, his heavy eyes hadn't really gained much back with so many sleepless nights in a row from here, he could imagine it being just as bad in the months for Harry with longer to dread on these things than they gave themselves.

He doubted, however, whether Snape would accept that excuse.

Lily made a deep throated noise of agitation, entirely not looking forward to what Snape was going to say to him about this.

He tried to empty his mind during classes, which helped nothing as teachers kept shooting review questions around.

"Well I could have warned you of that," Sirius tried for a smile that still felt forced. They'd gone from roaring laughter to sickened with worry about Harry in the span of a second, and now nothing was being helped by the tense set up of another bout of Snape insults directed at Harry.

He trudged miserably down to the dungeons that night, and was very grateful for the distraction of spotting Cho. She'd been standing there watching the hour-glasses, Gryffindor's was nearly empty.

All five of them made a small little noise of agitation, even at something so small still so pestering as that blasted made up group of Malfoy's.

He asked how she was doing, if Umbridge had given her any grief for her membership of the DA.

Cho said no, but took the opportunity to say she'd never dreamed Marietta would tell on them.

Harry reflected back that Marietta was still in the hospital wing with her pimples and couldn't come up with a response for Cho for that.

All of them felt a vindictive laugh somewhere inside themselves for that, Hermione really was something special.

Cho kept going she was a lovely person, she'd just made a mistake.

James blinked in surprise, and just a little admiration for Cho still standing by her friend like that. He of course wanted to add a few more curses to Marietta for what she'd done to Harry, but Cho had just earned herself a few points.

Harry looked at her incredulously, demanding a mistake? She'd sold all of them out!

"I still wish I had some sort of motive for her doing that," Remus scowled.

"Not one good enough to excuse it," Sirius scoffed.

James and Lily frowned slightly, knowing they more than likely would have defended their friends if they'd done the same thing, but then again, they just couldn't imagine their friends doing this. Cho probably hadn't either, and it really was good of her still sticking with her through that.

Cho insisted everyone had gotten away.

"Thanks to Dumbledore," Remus shook his head slowly, he still wasn't quite sure how to wrap his mind around all of that.

Her mum works for the Ministry,

"I haven't forgotten," Sirius said in disgust with a slight shiver. Miss Edgecombe had nearly been the death of him, he wasn't likely to forget that.

Harry cut off to say so did his friends dad, and he didn't have sneak written across his face.

Cho snapped that was a terrible trick of Hermione's.

"Nah," James smirked, honestly considering this Hermione's best move yet, even trumping what she'd done to Skeeter.

She should have told she'd jinxed that paper.

"Well if she'd done that than hardly anyone would have signed it." Lily rolled her eyes.

"She could have told them all after the fact," Remus offered with a grin.

"Nah, this was much more fun, the person couldn't consider their consequences before they made the crappy decision," Sirius decided.

Cho scoffed that of course if Hermione had thought it a good idea, her eyes now bright.

Harry snapped at her not to start crying again.

"Harry, you do know that does not actually prevent anyone from crying?" Sirius asked him in concern.

Harry just huffed, he really hadn't been expecting this fight with Cho, but somehow was relieved for it to finally have happened all the same. However pretty she still was in his memories, her flat refusal to acknowledge the stupid thing her friend had done had finally driven out any feelings he had for her.

She shouted back she wasn't going to!

Harry said just as loudly good, he had enough to cope with.

She told him to go cope with it then before storming off.

"Well, I think that's done with," James gazed at the book with some pity for Harry's first crush having so many disasters back to back.

"The wrong sparks did fly," Remus agreed with a sad little smile.

Harry just clucked his tongue, still not as angry now as he was then, far more concerned with other things in his mind he couldn't reach, and that cemented it for the lot of them. Harry clearly didn't seem to care all that much for his relationship with Cho just evaporating.

Harry went off in an even worse temper, but now instead of dreading Snape, he was thinking of a few more things he'd have liked to have said to Cho.

"You're one of those who always comes up with the comebacks after the fact," James told Harry pleasantly.

"I premake up most of mine and wait for the situation," Sirius smirked.

"Suppose that leaves more room for you to follow the conversation," Lily snipped at him.

He arrived with Snape once again depositing memories into a Pensive.

"Just what does he keep in that?" Remus rolled his eyes.

Harry twitched hard in unease, he had a bad feeling he was about to find out, but it mostly went unnoticed as they all thought he was just preparing himself for another lash of Occlumency.

They began as usual, squaring off with wands out on either side of the desk, but before Snape could cast this time, the door banged open and Malfoy sped in.

"I'm surprised that hasn't happened before now," James rolled his eyes, "him barging in there to tattle on some first year Slytherin taking his favorite chair."

"What a sight to walk in on though," Remus raised a curious brow, he'd certainly pause at this with some concern.

He paused in shock upon the sight though, Snape lowering his wand first and asking what Draco needed.

Remus rolled his eyes, finding Snape referring to Malfoy by his first name really showed the depths to the two's relationship. The teachers should always refer to the student by last name out of sheer habit. He found this proof that Snape had a more familiar relationship with Malfoy, as if he'd needed it before now.

Potter was just here for remedial Potions.

"With their wands pointed at each other," Sirius emphasized. "If that wasn't a dumb enough excuse before, it gets worse every time."

Harry had not seen Malfoy look so gleeful since Umbridge had turned up to inspect Hagrid.

"And I know how much you long to see that expression," Lily scowled.

He would have given a great deal to be able to shout the truth at Malfoy,

"Why?" All four of them demanded of him.

"To make that stupid look disappear," Harry told them like he thought they were being very stupid on purpose.

or, even better, to hit him with a good curse.

"That's the response I was expecting," James nodded, feeling the world back on balance.

Malfoy put whatever he had to say about this on hold as he informed that Umbridge had requested his Professor,

"She's already tried to poison one student this week, I don't see how he could help with that," Sirius rolled his eyes.

Lily wanted to be more furious that Snape was in Umbridge's good graces like this, but then again, it was all the more sad she wasn't surprised considering how much the two seemed so alike.

They'd found Montague,

Sirius spluttered like he had a broken jaw.

"They did that how long ago?" Remus interpreted. "I think that's a new record."

"Ours only lasted a day, tops," James pouted.

"What even is that thing?" Harry demanded, quite sure his level of unease with this thing had nothing to do with the Slytherin Quidditch captains fait.

"You shove people in it, and they vanish," Sirius came back enough to helpfully explain.

Remus rolled his eyes at his inept friend and more properly said, "I'm sure you remember as vividly as we do that Nick broke one above Filch's office in your second year."

Harry nodded eagerly, he was still wondering what about that felt so significant. "Well there's matching pairs, always are. The one on the first floor the twins used is probably the still functioning one, but without the other to go through, it'll just leave you in limbo until it finds an opening to pop you out, but the magic is very vague about it all, and we have no clue what it's indications were when this would happen."

"It was pure need to understand such magic that we kept testing it," James offered with an impish smirk.

Remus' mouth was twitching in much the same way as he watched Harry curiously to see if he'd gotten it.

Harry wanted to smile back, but his mind felt torn in two. He still wanted to ask more about these things, but something about the Marauders and that look on their face...it was all fun now, but he had a feeling it bothered him for some reason soon.

He tried tentatively to understand all of this by asking slowly, "so, when you lot, err-"

"Put someone in cause they annoyed us," Sirius offered helpfully.

"Right," Harry paused to roll his eyes, "it just pushed the person out the other one?"

"We had to disable it for our needs to work," James's eyes widened innocently. "It was no fun if they just reappeared."

"We put it back together when we were done though," Remus still couldn't wipe a smirk away. "Couldn't have the teachers knowing we were messing with it."

"Never as badly as what Nick did though," Sirius was still laughing heavily, "so Merlin knows if they even are fixable now."

"Let me get this straight," Lily said dangerously. "You shoved people into a magical item, you had no clue what it would do to them, and then you continued to further break it apart to see what else would happen to them?"

"It happened to me first," Remus offered in defense of them. "Some Hufflepuff James had gotten last week shoved me into one for revenge, I made a reappearance a day later."

"It sort of just spiraled out from there," Sirius agreed.

Lily had spent the entire conversation frowning heavily at the lot of them, she'd never enjoyed hearing about their blatant ways of dealing with people that annoyed them. It was nice to see Harry wasn't exactly amused by this, but he was also clearly distracted by something so she wasn't sure how much he'd been paying attention past their actual words.

Absolutely none of Harry's thoughts had been helped by them, now not only was he positive something of these things should not be laughed at, but his lesson with Snape was feeling more foreboding than ever. He still nodded at Remus to indicate he was done for now.

he'd turned up jammed inside a toilet on the fourth floor.

James and Sirius roared with laughter, Remus trying hard to hide his own amusement behind the book and failing a bit.

Snape demanded how he'd wound up there, and Malfoy said he had no clue.

Snape dismissed Potter, saying he was to come back tomorrow to continue. Malfoy only paused long enough to mouth remedial potions at him before following.

"That's going to bite him in the arse later," Lily tisked loudly, though it hardly did anything to dampen the boys new found amusement. They'd gotten to hear the end results of yet another prank from the twins and had Snape's stupid lesson pushed off for a moment longer, they were now jovial, and hoped their mood would help Harry out of whatever funk his mind was clearly still stuck in.

Seething, Harry replaced his wand inside his robes and made to leave the room. At least he had twenty-four more hours in which to practice;

"There's the bright side," Lily persisted in pointing out, though clearly being ignored by all.

but all he really felt was the expense Malfoy was going to put into telling the school of his remedial Potions.

"I'm surprised Smith hadn't done that already," Sirius rolled his eyes.

He was at the door when he saw it, dappled lights dancing off the glass jars, that reminded him of his dream in the Department of Mysteries.

All five of them shivered heavily at the reminder, Harry looked ready to fall off the couch every time this was mentioned.

He turned around and saw it was only the Pensive still shining brightly, and wondered again what was in his memories?

"So quickly run from the room, otherwise you might see him again when you've so graciously been deprived of that," James said enthusiastically, he really hadn't a care for what could be in there.

Harry gazed at the Pensive, curiosity welling inside him, what was it that Snape was so keen to hide from Harry?

"Oh Harry," Lily sighed in exhaustion, wanting to press her face into her hands already as she felt where this was going. "Did you learn nothing from your lesson in Dumbledore's Pensive?"

Harry did not answer, though considering the feelings pumping through him, he was confident he hadn't thought that far ahead.

Harry took a step forward, his mind convincing him this must have something to do with the Department of Mysteries.

"I wouldn't honestly be that surprised," Remus agreed, "but you've no idea how to work that thing, so you'll just be plunged into the last thing he was thinking of when he put memories in there."

"Though that may honestly be it," Sirius said with a calmer tone creeping in Remus instantly regretted. "He wasn't hiding away private memories from his childhood, those were still in his head when Harry went in. Maybe it is Order business he's more worried about. If Harry wants to find out about them, this is the place I'd look."

"You're encouraging this," Lily yelped furiously. "Show some privacy!"

"He's not showing Harry any," James rolled his eyes, instantly tagging along to Sirius' side. Though he did raise his hands in surrender upon Lily's flashing eyes. "I wish he wouldn't, he has no way to get himself out of the memory, only Snape can do that, but I'm sick of him never being told anything and I know you are too."

Lily scowled heavily at the both of them as she didn't find that the point.

He tried to guess how long Snape would be gone, surely as the Slytherin Quidditch Captain, even after Montague was unstuck from the toilet, he'd be escorted to the hospital wing.

"The time frame is irrelevant," Remus scolded. "You weren't the one to put those memories in, so you can't pull yourself out until you've seen them all. Could be days worth of storage in there."

Harry wished he'd known that, but again, he now knew he hadn't thought that far ahead, and he had a bad feeling he'd soon regret it.

He stepped even farther forward, using his wand to tap the surface, and the image instantly turned so that Harry was now looking down into the Great Hall.

"Not at all what I was hoping for," Sirius sighed, he'd honestly been hoping for Dumbledore's office, or even Grimmauld places basement, something he'd been hoping for in relevance to whatever Snape was up to. An image of Voldemort, Snape talking to some member of the Order, anything other than what the man had for breakfast. There was no way something interesting to them happened in there, he'd probably just been admiring Umbridge's technique of making children cry.

He hesitated, but suddenly his anger seized him, of Snape, Cho, and Malfoy. He took a great breath, and plunged face first in.

"There you have it," Remus sighed without surprise. "Harry's a dead man."

"So he is some new kind of ghost," Sirius chuckled while prodding at Harry. "Fascinating, can I name him?"

"No," all four of them said at once.

The sensation of falling through black, spinning through nothing- and then he was standing in the great hall, except instead of the House tables, there were desks all over, quills scratching against parchment, it was clearly exam time.

"Huh?" James looked floored at this start, why would something of Snape's school years be so precious to hide away? He couldn't imagine doing the same.

"I know exams are close so they'd be on his mind, but this is ridiculous," Sirius rolled his eyes and yawned already out of sheer boredom.

Remus kept going blandly, and some disappointment. Harry was going to be in the worst amount of trouble yet, and apparently he wasn't even going to get to see anything good out of it.

He began looking around in the sunlight room for the man, this was his memory so he had to be here somewhere.

Though James did smirk a bit Harry may get a glimpse of him, he was sure his son would at least get a kick out of that.

When he did find him, it was a teenage version with a stringy, pallid look, like a plant in the dark.

Lily scoffed heavily and rolled her eyes, finding too much of his father's influence in that description. She'd always thought of him as a sickly pale, thin hair a silky black, admittedly too thin but still with a smile that drew her in to know what he was thinking. She supposed it was all in the eye of the beholder, as that was still how she'd describe him at fifteen. Picturing him now as the hateful man tormenting her son and his classmates, she may well have called him many of the same things Harry just had.

He read the parchment he was working on upside down, which said Defence Against the Dark Arts- Ordinary Wizarding Level.

"Uhoh," James hummed in concern, suddenly hurrying back to his Lily Flowers side, he hadn't expected it to be this exact OWL.

Lily felt a burning in the back of her eyes at once, this was her worst childhood memory. Far worse than anything Petunia had ever said to her as a child. Of all the things Snape would keep stored away, she could almost understand why he'd want to keep this one in particular away from Harry. Shame she would hope, for utterly humiliating her that day, though she was sure it was something far more related to his own status, just like always, considering the events having led up to that.

Harry watched his parents with wide eyed concern for this reaction, looking to the other two for some sort of explanation he could already feel he wasn't going to like, but they were avoiding his eye. This really had been just any other day to them, but for Lily, well this was still something she should have shared with Harry, what a way for the poor kid to find out.

Remus waited until Lily snapped at him to keep going before he could do this to her, though it hardly felt better with permission.

The call for five more minutes echoed around, and Harry saw Professor Flitwick up front, passing by a boy with untidy black hair, that stuck up in the back.

James sighed, not exactly thrilled he'd gotten his wish. He hadn't nearly paid Snape back in kind for what he'd called the love of his life that day, still, he hoped Harry at least enjoyed his attempts.

Harry moved so fast that had he been tangible, he would have sent desks flying as he moved to see his father at fifteen. It was like looking at himself with deliberate mistakes.

"That is a very good description for the pair," Remus muttered mostly to himself.

His eyes were hazel, his nose slightly longer and with no scar, but the thin face, and untidy black hair were all Harry's, they'd even be the same height.

"You weren't wearing your glasses," Harry noted, grinning wildly at finally having such a vivid memory of his dad at such a young age. He clung to that feeling as long as he could, there was definitely something off about this promising it wouldn't last.

"They're only reading glasses, I only use them for long periods, or something important," James shrugged. "The exams weren't long enough I bothered."

James yawned and looked right through Harry to grin at a boy a few seats back, and Harry felt another thrill upon spotting Sirius return the grin. He was leaning back in his seat, tilting it back on two legs and very aware of how good-looking he was.

Sirius snorted mirthlessly and gave James a very superior smirk, telling without a hint of remorse, "I knew I loved your kid. He only called you a thin, messy git. At least he acknowledges who the handsome one is."

James gave him a very heavy glare, even while fighting back a grin for his best friends endless teasing.

His dark hair was swept with an elegance James nor Harry could ever achieve, and he was completely ignoring a girl who was eyeing him as well.

Sirius' grin only widened, turning outright flippant, and Harry was quite sure he was going to be given an account of this girl and all sorts of details he never would have asked for, but Remus had not paused long enough to be of help, to Harry's relief.

Two seats away and another row back, Harry spotted Remus, looking peaky, and he wondered if a full moon was near.

"It was that Monday, actually," Remus mumbled.

Harry blinked in surprise. Not only did it wrench at him for Remus to know so explicitly when each was, meaning they must all stand out very clearly in his mind and that only emphasized how painful each must be, but even after a few days rest Remus was only just starting to look healthier. In the days leading up he'd grown quite pale and exhausted at all hours, he couldn't imagine having to study on top of all that.

Harry concluded that must also mean Wormtail was around here somewhere.

Remus flinched hard at the reminder, not even needing to glance up and see the others as well. Harry had never actually known him as more than the traitor, but it was still impossible for them to think back on nearly any memory from their time here without finding him as well. Now they were being force fed one! Snape's memory had just turned into the worst thing for all of them.

Sure enough Harry found the mousy-haired boy with a pointed nose biting at his nails as he scratched at his paper.

Sirius' features were twisted violently, he still felt that need pulsing through him at every small reminder of him to go and rip his head off. The forcible act of not being able to respond to this made him feel like he was on fire just sitting here instead. He'd learned his lesson, he'd just have to be patient...

He turned his attention back to James and saw he was doodling now, having already drawn a Snitch, and now working in detail on the letters L. E. He wondered what that stood for.

Lily fidgeted with a few strands of hair in unease while eyeing James, who wasn't even blushing at the reminder. The unease came from that very sharp hurt her son hadn't known her maiden name, or at least, hadn't put together what it would mean. Instead she sighed heavily and flippantly told him, "I suppose it's better than L. P."

James offered her a wide grin for the tone, wanting to hold her even closer than he was for her still taking shots at him rather than dwelling on this particular memory from her past.

Finally time was up, Flitwick summoned all of the exams to him, and James took to his feet and stuffed the paper and quill away into his bag,

"It literally just said Flitwick summoned all the papers to him," Harry scratched at his head in confusion.

"You mark your final answers on the exam," Sirius explained, "Prongs was still messing with his scratch paper."

"Couldn't students still know what to expect on the exam then?" Harry asked in surprise.

"Nope, the exam changes every year," Remus sighed.

which he slung over his back, and stood waiting for Sirius to join him.

"I always had to walk over to his arse," Sirius said with an exaggerated eye roll. "If I wasn't the one to meet him, he'd pop me on the head for making him walk."

"Hark, look who's getting memory problems of his own," James tisked. "If I walked up to you, you'd groan about me making you wait around, at least if I waited long enough you'd get bored and come to me."

"They are actually arguing about who walked over to whom the most," Remus informed the other two like they'd miss this.

"I'm aware," Lily shook her head in exasperation, "I'm waiting for you to cut them off already."

Remus hadn't just because he enjoyed watching them pick at each other so much, especially with memory of the one who was missing hovering right there in front of them, but he supposed he couldn't ignore it forever and instead kept going in hopes Harry would blot him from sight.

Harry spotted Snape leaving the Entrance Hall, oblivious to his surroundings and still studying his own paper, even his walk reminded him of a twitchy spider.

James snorted enthusiastically Harry so easily caught onto one of their favorite jokes of referring to him as a bug in every way.

A gang of chattering girls separated Snape from James, Sirius and Lupin, and by planting himself in their midst,

Remus twitched again in agitation, though it was slightly less so than moments before. He supposed that being referred to by his last name was still better than not having been mentioned at all like the other one, though he still had to remind himself it was his own fault Harry hadn't a reason to call him anything else.

and by planting himself in the middle he was able to keep in sight those he wanted to see and still be in Snape's company.

By ignoring those around him, he could still hear Sirius happily asking Moony if he'd enjoyed question ten.

Lupin agreed he'd loved it, name the ten signs that mark a werewolf. One, he's sitting in this chair, two, he's wearing clothes, three, check the name at the heading.

Lily felt a surprised giggle crack out of her before she could stop it.

"Ha!" Sirius barked in triumph. "See Prongs, told you you should have let Moony try some humor around her, she clearly doesn't partake to yours."

"And have the love of my life swoon over his brilliance," James insisted on looking mock affronted while he played along. "I'd rather kill them both."

"It's a wonder I didn't fall into your arms sooner," she told him drolly.

Wormtail was the only one who didn't laugh, instead groaning that he'd only gotten three, but he couldn't remember the last two.

James was aghast, considering he ran around with one once a month.

All five of them were turning an ugly gray color for having to see this, to relive it and be forced to once again come to terms with how close they all were, saying anything and everything to each other as they'd always done, when did that change for him?

Lupin implored him to keep his voice down as they headed outside to the lake, and Harry was worried that if Snape broke off, he'd have no choice but to follow.

"True," James tried in vain to keep the strain from his voice, failing miserably. "You'd be dragged along." His voice cracked at the end, he couldn't pretend to keep going, and was starting to more than pity Remus at having to be forced to read all this.

Clearly Harry was as well, whispering, "did you want me to-"

"No," he snapped without looking up. "May as well get on with it, not like he's actually doing anything." Except ruining more memories from his past, his biting innards were now constantly reminding, but they were all feeling the same way, it would help nothing for Harry to do this instead.

Sirius kept things going by stating that had been a piece of cake to him, he'd gotten at least an Outstanding.

"And did you?" Harry couldn't help but ask, infusing as much mirth into his voice as was possible.

Sirius watched Harry for a long moment with a set look in place that was all the answer he needed before he finally admitted, "no, got an E."

"We did though," James tipped his head towards Remus with a purposeful grin that didn't completely hide the hard set in his eyes. "Gave him hell for it."

"He probably missed one too many questions about harpies, getting them confused with himself and all," Remus told solemnly, at least this was one thing that rat could never take away, and they'd always find more ways to pick at each other.

"At least I got an O on my Transfiguration that someone got an A on." Sirius returned flatly, but there was finally a real grin coming back as well.

"You cheated," Remus insisted. "The lot," very heavy wince, "both of you," he quickly corrected. "Bloody extra practice and all, too many years ahead."

"You're just jealous you got O's in two classes to my three," Sirius insisted.

"Padfoot the only thing I'm jealous at you about is your never ending idiocy. How do you continue to make a fool of yourself?" Remus pleasantly returned.

James had only just opened his mouth to butt in as well when Lily cut in above them all with a relieved smile on her face. "Honestly, the lot of you, you're still arguing about this how many years later? You're all idiots, no matter what those grades said."

"There's my wife, keeping us all in perspective with her- how many OWLs did you get?" He suddenly broke off by asking her, she'd never answered him in school and it hadn't come up in recent times.

"I'm not telling," she insisted with a grin, "because it is pointless now." She honestly admired all of them, for still finding ways to make each other laugh with the rat being so vividly present now more than ever, but they couldn't ignore this forever. Remus paused and had to swallow hard before going back, when all he really wanted to do was snap this shut, he didn't want to reminisce about what came next any more than the couple.

James agreed himself as well as he pulled out a Snitch, almost casually letting it go before seizing it again with excellent reflexes.

James managed quite a pleased smile he'd impressed his son with his fun.

Wormtail watched him in awe.

Which vanished instantly, his face flushing red, though he was still so pale he looked more pink and still likely to start screaming if he had to keep remembering how much he'd enjoyed his friend indulging his every whim.

Much to Harry's relief, Snape folded himself into a nearby bush, while the group of four took up shade near a beach tree. By staying with the group of girls who were in the middle and now dipping bare feet into water, he could still be in between both.

Lily was brushing at her hair with vigor now, her nails catching on a few strands. This memory had replayed so many times so vividly in her head she didn't need Harry's descriptions, and vainly hoped that for once, this time would be different, that her son wouldn't even recognize her because nothing special had happened that day...

Lupin had pulled out a book and was reading.

"Don't even start Sirius," Remus told him without looking up. "It's my misfortune of the universe repeating these circumstances."

"But it's hilarious," Sirius insisted like Moony was missing on the joke of a lifetime.

"No, it's not," Remus rolled his eyes behind the pages and kept going loudly.

Sirius stared around at the students milling over the grass, looking rather haughty and bored, but very handsomely so.

Sirius flipped his hair over his shoulder and preened, Harry fighting the urge more every moment to tell his godfather to cool it. Normally his bravado was endearing, and hilarious, though that part was probably unintentional. He couldn't even really find anything wrong with this scene that should bother him, aside from Wormtail they seemed to be acting casually enough, why was the idea of being in here weighing so heavily on him he wanted to snap at all of them?

James was still playing with the Snitch, letting it zoom further and further away, almost escaping but always grabbed at the last second.

Harry remembered his mum and dad mentioning that earlier, and now realized why he would have seen this. He supposed he could see his mums point in him showing off a bit, but it's not as if he had an audience watching like the twins so often did, he was just entertaining himself.

Wormtail was watching with an open mouth, often cheering and applauding at the more wild catches. After nearly five minutes of this, Harry wondered why James didn't tell him to get a grip.

Underneath the visage from being so bluntly reminded of his many fond memories of this, some shock creeped through, as that had never even occurred to him. Why would it? He'd loved impressing everyone, especially his own friends. Tainted as it was now, he was left questioning all of this for the first time. Was Peter faking it? Was he actually envious? He still hadn't gotten his answer of why someone he cared so much for would do to him in their future.

James was clearly enjoying the attention though, occasionally ruffling his hair,

Harry had noticed his dad doing that quite a lot, and he almost smiled just a bit that no matter the torment his friend's reminder did to him, at least some parts of him had stayed the same.

and glancing to the girls at the water's edge as if hoping they were watching.

Finally though, Sirius seemed to grow bored of this and told James to put that up.

James did, and Harry had the distinct feeling Sirius was the only one he'd do this for.

"This is true," Remus tisked loudly over his own beating heart pounding through his head, despising the reminder of this hurting them all so much, and Harry may not even understand why yet. It was clear from his expression something of this day was bothering them all, but while he could wrap his head around it was the not so simple thing of vividly remembering Wormtail back in their lives so casually for the Marauders, he was yet sure what had his mother so near to tears.

He forced himself to keep going loudly with his first train of thought, even in the awkward silence. "Whenever I tried, he just told me to shut up, because he was doing it for me."

"Honestly, the only reason I told him to stop was because I was fixing to suggest we go take a swim in the lake, otherwise I would have joined him," Sirius shrugged, ignoring how forced the casual movement was.

Sirius instead said he was bored, wishing it was a full moon.

Lupin said from behind his book he would, but if he really wanted something to do, he could quiz him on some Transfiguration, even offering it out to him.

"Did you actually think that would work?" Lily arched a brow at him.

"I didn't want to go swimming, as I knew full well he was fixing to say," Remus shrugged. "I was delaying for a moment so I could claim to go back inside and work in peace."

Sirius simply snorted, saying he didn't need to look at that, he knew it all.

"That is also true," Remus muttered with an eye roll Harry must have missed at the time.

James got his attention by finding something else to liven up Padfoot, and Sirius turned like a dog that had scented a rabbit.

"Your descriptions are as accurate as ever," James told Harry with a straight face, but Sirius merely winced instead of the laugh he really felt. The two weren't exactly proud they'd started this fight between Evans and Snivellus. Sirius watched Lily tentatively, a need to defend himself this was common place, he hadn't known he'd resort to calling her that when this exact set up had happened countless times in their past already without such a thing happening, but the words died before they could start. An apology would probably just make her angrier, but now at him.

He softly said in excitement Snivellus, and Harry looked to where Snape was standing back up, James and Sirius now with him.

Lily groaned miserably as she kept eyes on her infant. James and Sirius exchanged a look, but as one decided to risk it and said, "sorry Lily."

"Don't bother," she snapped, clearly Sirius' prediction had been right. "You don't mean it."

"I am sorry," James insisted. "I never would have thought he'd-"

"You're sorry for what he did," Lily corrected harshly, "not for what you did, so save it."

James closed his mouth without bothering to agree, and Harry's bad feeling was growing worse than ever. This wasn't really...

Lupin and Wormtail remained where they were, Lupin keeping eyes on his book though his eyes were not following words. Wormtail was watching with a look of anticipation.

Remus' face folded as he easily recalled that look. He'd used to love seeing all the spells they learned in class in action on others. He hated how much it hurt to remember even the tiniest details about him. Thankfully Sirius and James were now plenty distracted by Lily they seemed more apt to ignoring this, but since Remus had kept himself out of this one, it was a bit harder for him to continue ignoring the rats every motion.

James repeated the nickname loudly after him, and Snape reacted so fast it was as if he'd been expecting the attack.

"He was, considering-" Sirius began with a sneer, now itching for a rematch just to let off some pent up frustration all of this was dragging up, which he sadly wasn't going to find in here. He only stopped as Lily glared at him with an old familiar look he hadn't seen in awhile, and that wasn't helping to clear his mind of this.

He dropped his bag and went for his wand, but before it had even cleared his pocket, James had shot Expelliarmus at him.

Snape's wand shot twelve feet away, Sirius letting out a bark of laughter before shouting Impedimenta, and Snape fell to the ground still feet away from his wand.

All three of them were so distracted, tense and waiting for a blow they never would have wished upon Lily, they all missed the look growing on Harry's face at recalling this scene.

The students around looked up curiously, some even eagerly as James and Sirius sauntered forward.

James began taunting how his exam had gone?

Sirius answered for him he'd seen his nose pressed to the parchment, it would be so grease marked no one could even read the answers.

Several people laughed, Snape was clearly unpopular.

"Least you've gathered the important details already," Sirius told Harry absently, glancing at him for a moment rather than watching Lily, and blinking in surprise Harry hadn't laughed along like he always had when they'd taken shots at Snape in here. Sirius wasn't actually sure what that face was, but he now frowned more heavily than ever for what Harry was thinking without sharing.

Wormtail sniggered shrilly.

Remus made a guttural noise of agitation, wishing Harry would quit noting such things already. They were all well aware if it wasn't Sirius and James starting the fight it was him egging them all on, but Harry reminding them of that only made this all far worse than they would have thought.

The boy on the ground snapped at them to just wait until he got his wand ba-, but Sirius didn't give him a chance, finishing for him to wait for what, him to wipe his nose?

Snape began saying curses and hexes intermittently, but still nothing happened from his wand still ten feet away.

James decided he didn't like his language and used Scourgify on him, causing bubbles to come out of Snape's mouth.

A new voice shouted to leave him alone!

"That actually took two curses longer than usual," James insisted on pushing for a casual tone of voice when addressing Lily. "Exactly how long had you been on the fence about him before this happened?"

Lily pursed her lips, not particularly wanting to answer him, and then she glanced at Harry and saw the look on his face. The expression surprised her, but she supposed he'd put together what this day was for her, but if he clearly had no care for the answer than she wouldn't indulge James' curiosity on this.

When her silence persisted, Remus kept going anyways. James had been well aware, as often as he'd mentioned it, that Lily had been seen out of company of Snape more often than not their last few months of fifth year, so he didn't know what his mate was trying to accomplish by asking such things, but he would try to save him from the answer anyways.

James and Sirius looked around at a girl with dark red hair and green eyes, Harry's mother.

James eagerly at once called out to Evans, making his voice go deeper, more mature.

Remus made some attempt at a laugh, speaking absently, "more idiotic than anything," but he didn't even pause for James to defend himself even if he would have.

Lily repeated for them to leave him alone, looking at James with great dislike.

Sirius was looking for it now, and watched another line cross Harry's face, his eyes growing as tight as his mothers for all of this coming back to him. Sirius wanted to reassure him that as bad as it was for Lily to be remembering all of this, that part was the common place, but he didn't want to interrupt right now in hopes Remus was almost done already, or even better, the actual Snape would show up and stop this. Quite an odd want, but it was killing him to watch this eat away at Lily, and he'd never have wanted Harry to see this in person, it was bad enough being told what the creep had once done to his mother.

She demanded what Snape had done to him?

"This time, you really should have emphasized that point," James told her, though she continued ignoring him in hopes he'd take the hint this wasn't helping. She pulled out of his arms and laid against the armrest instead, the baby still cradled tight in her arms her only comfort right now.

James looked hurt, he'd only been trying to help, but for now he crossed his arms and gave her her space.

James pretended to deliberate before deciding it was more the fact he existed.

James still found that to be true, that Snape had grown up knowing Lily and never seemed to value that enough but instead spent far more time in the company of pre Death Eaters, that his mere existence felt like a blocker to what James wanted more than anything, to be close to her, but there was always that sniveling used napkin in the way that Lily kept defending.

Harry made some kind of noise, but James was too distracted watching Lily to process it. He supposed Harry would have been plenty confused about all this in his time though.

Many of the surrounding students laughed, Sirius and Wormtail included, but Lupin, still apparently intent on his book, didn't, and nor did Lily.

Remus glanced up curiously, he'd felt Harry turn sharply to him and watched for a moment in confusion as Harry scrutinized him, but was he really looking at him like that because he hadn't laughed at the joke? Harry didn't offer anything though, and Remus went back to reading feeling as heavy as ever this couldn't just be done with. He almost would have preferred Harry to interrupt, it probably would have been a better distraction than forcing out this mess.

She coldly informed him he was a bullying toe rag, and to leave him alone.

James said he would if she'd go out with him.

"Bad timing there mate," Sirius helpfully inserted what he'd been thinking at the time.

"Thank you for not sharing that at the time," James rolled his eyes, "wish you'd carried that on."

Lily said she wouldn't even if it was just between him and the giant squid.

"Would you look it there, I beat out that sea creature after all," James seemed to almost pleasantly inform her, and he saw almost a twitching smile come back to her.

Sirius commiserated to Prongs this was bad luck before shouting in surprise, but too late.

Snape had been fighting off the curse this whole time, and had finally reached his wand, shooting a spell at James that cut across his cheek and splattered his robes with blood.

James whirled on the spot, there was a flash of light, and then Snape was hanging upside down showing off gray underpants.

Lily, whose furious expression twitched into a smile for just a moment,

"Really? I didn't see that," James blinked in surprise, he hadn't thought he'd gotten a real smile out of Lily for at least another year. How many other times had he made her smile without getting the pleasure of seeing? More importantly, how long had Snape been acting an arse to her before this happened for her to be doing it so openly now?

No one answered, especially not Harry, who was still processing all this so slowly he felt like his head had filled with molasses. All he was sure of, was that he didn't feel like laughing along right now like his dad was clearly hoping someone was.

but instead shouted at Potter to let him down.

James did so with a careless wave of his wand, but the moment he was back in the grass, Sirius shot Petrificus Totalus at him, and Snape fell back to the ground stiff as a bored.

"Payback complete, now where's a broomshed," Sirius muttered for himself.

Lily shrieked at them to leave him alone, drawing her own wand. The two looked at it warily.

"The first proper response of their day," Remus agreed absently.

James told Evans not to make him hex her.

"That would be a duel to see," Sirius hummed, though thankfully it had never gone that far, and at least now it never would. Lily mostly just shouted at them, and that was more than enough to stop Prongs, which in turn was just enough to stop the rest of them.

She snapped for the curse to be lifted then, and James did so with a deep sigh first before telling Snivellus he was lucky Evans was here-

Remus wanted to stop. He dreaded the next words to come pouring out of his mouth, because usually, the fight stopped there. Lily came forward and her and Snape walked off. This time though, he had to take a very deep breath before finishing.

Snape shouted back he didn't need help from a Mudblood!

Remus frowned hatefully, never in his life having wanted to say that word, and detesting he truly just had in regards to one of his friends.

Harry gasped, as it finally snapped together for him. She'd told him she'd stopped being friends with Snape because he'd called her that in public one day, screamed it at her in the middle of a courtyard, were her exact words...but he hadn't realized it had been this exact day! He looked desperately to her, but she wouldn't look at him, wouldn't look at any of them.

James was aching to put his arms back around her, to promise she wasn't alone, but she didn't want his comfort right now. She didn't blame him for this anymore, as she had for the rest of that year. Things had changed over the summer, she'd changed when she finally realized her relationship with him was irreparable like this day had proven.

Lily blinked once, before telling Snivellus to wash out his mouth.

James roared at Snape to apologize, but Lily shouted just as loudly she didn't want to make him apologize, he was just as bad!

James looked truly offended, saying he'd never call her such a thing.

Lily snarled that didn't excuse his strutting around corridors, always cursing people who annoyed him. She made him sick!

Then she stormed off.

James tried calling after her, but when she didn't respond, he demanded of Sirius still next to him what was with her, his tone trying to say the answer was of no real importance, and failing.

James didn't bother to deny this, even as Sirius politely told him, "you failed at that every time by the way."

Sirius offered that reading between the lines, he'd guess she found him conceited.

"Exactly how big were those lines?" Remus asked of him.

Sirius made his eyes go big with confusion, and so Remus just rolled his own.

James looked more furious than ever as he turned back to Snivelly, asking of the watchers who wanted to see him take off his pants?

Harry never found out if James had.

"Nah," James huffed, "Hagrid showed up then. Though I might have if he really hadn't apologized, I was still wanting one even without her around," he said in no uncertain terms.

Far from looking reassured, Harry's expression only darkened, much to all of the boys confusion, and Lily was still keeping eyes only for her infant and wasn't watching any of them.

A hand closed around his arm like a vice, and glancing up, Harry saw the adult Snape.

"Uroh," Sirius hummed. This must be why Harry was looking so off, no one would be happy being caught doing this.

Harry was dragged back, feeling as if he did a flip before finding himself in the dungeons again, Snape still holding fast to his arm. It was scary, his lips were shaking, his face was white, his teeth were bared.

Lily did look up sharply at that, anger now the most dominant thing rather than the hurt of her youth. Yes Harry was in the wrong, but if he hurt her boy, Snape was going to wish she'd killed him that day instead of simply dropping him from her life.

Snape hissed what an amusing man his father had been, shaking Harry so hard his glasses slipped from his nose, before he was released, and shoved so hard he hit the stone floor.

James and Sirius snarled in outrage, all eyes flashing furiously for Harry being treated like this. All of them were trying to reach for their wand now, growing more worried by the second Snape was fixing to turn on Harry with worse than the curse that had left a scar on James that day.

Harry though could hardly react, this moment of seeing Snape trying to remind him of something he just couldn't concentrate on right now, still far too wrapped in an all to living realization.

The shout of get out, and never to come back echoed behind him as Harry got to his feet and ran, a glass of cockroaches exploding above his head on the way out. He didn't stop running until he was three floors ahead, slumping down into an empty plinth as he rubbed at his bruised arm.

All four of them made a noise of outrage Snape had really hurt him. He'd deserved a detention certainly, they wouldn't have even argued if Snape had done a number of things like emptying house points or weeks of detentions, but actually harming him was far past crossing the line. The oddest part was, Harry wasn't even rubbing at his arm now, for all the world his face showed he couldn't care less, and it was depressing the lot of them to see him go so silent with no idea why.

Harry didn't know where to go. He didn't want to go back to the tower and tell his friends, and it wasn't because Snape had thrown a jar at him.

"I thought you or him exploded that by accident, he actually threw that at you!" Sirius barked in outrage.

Harry had no reaction, he wouldn't look at any of them.

It was that he knew how it felt to be humiliated in the middle of a circle of onlookers, knew exactly how Snape had felt as his father had taunted him,

Remus' brows shot up in surprise as they were finally getting an idea of why Harry hadn't spoken a word during that whole exchange, and that's the part he'd focused on? He finished curiously,

and that judging from what he had just seen, his father had been every bit as arrogant as Snape had always told him.

and hadn't been expecting that.

HPHPHPHP

  *Nicknames offered by Xovercrazy and MelodyGirl239 in that order

**I think I'm allowed some direct quotes from the books, and these are just too magnificent to pass up.

[msjr0119]

The Unexpected Roommate

Part 3

What happens when your roommate of many years falls in love and moves out unexpectedly? Drake Walker was in this situation, until his friends fiancée suggested that her friend moved in to replace her fiancé. The new roommate is causing tension already. Will they be able to survive living together? What’s the worse that could happen?

Drake x Riley

Leo x Olivia

Warnings: Swearing, tension, smut

A/N- So I spoke to @pedudley, she published a one shot with her characters doing a ‘truth and dare’ scene. We wrote it at the same time, and I reached out as I panicked that people would assume that I’ve used her idea. It’s totally different, just a similar idea and Paige is fine with it- best friends and great minds think alike 😆 This part and part 4 was originally just this part- however tumblr is saying that I’ve exceeded the word count 🤷‍♀️, so you all have two chapters posted back to back- SORRY! 😘

Tags- As always if you want to be removed please do let me know. I won’t be offended.

@pedudley @kacie-0156 @loveellamae @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @texaskitten30 @i-bloody-love-drake-walker @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012 @cordonianroyalty @rainbowsinthestorm @jared2612 @desireepow-1986 @twinkle-320 @bebepac @drakewalkerisreal

******

As Riley answered his question, she witnessed a smile slowly creep up onto his face- believing that she would never see the day that Drake Walker smiled.

“I still don’t like you though...” She continued. “But....”

“But what?”

“I actually have plans for tonight. Maybe we could do it tomorrow instead?” Seeing disappointment on his face, she instantly felt guilty. She wasn’t saying to never to do this, she had wanted to make amends before he did- however, her friends were more important. More loyal. Fuck. “Or I could cancel? I see Daniel and Maxwell all the time..” Yes, cancel. Please cancel. Spend time with me. God I sound desperate. He thought to himself.

“It’s fine. You live with me. We can have drinks and food whenever.”

“Are you sure? I feel like I’m letting you down after you’ve made an effort. But I don’t like letting my friends down either. I’m sure they won’t mind. I can stay in... with you.”

“Honestly, it’s fine.” Providing a fake smile, his heart sunk- but he would never admit this to her.

“Okay.... I’ll erm. I will be back before my ‘curfew’.”

“You better be.” Smiling at him, she walked away shaking her head. Drake sat on the couch, not knowing what to do. Berating himself, that she had given him the final say for her plans- and he backed out of telling her what his heart truly desired.

****

Riley made her way to the bar, shaking her head she saw the two lovers had already ordered drinks. The amount of drinks that surrounded the table, was a sign of premature liver damage.

“Blossom! You’re here.”

“Hey, guys.” The two men looked at her, she was surprisingly quiet- in a daze. Not her usual self.

“What’s he done now?” Daniel demanded to know as he raised his eyebrows. Maxwell was aware of Drake’s attitude towards Riley- however Daniel had played it down. Daniel knew that Maxwell was a pussycat, but when it came to his friend who was like a sister to him, he wouldn’t hold back if someone hurt her.

“He... well he fucked a blonde all over the place last night. This morning. Whatever that doesn’t matter. He didn’t ask for my permission. Breaking his own rule...” Maxwell’s lips allowed an over exaggerated gasp to escape. “I hope you called him out on it.”

“No. I just put my old teddy bears and Barbie’s on his bed. She soon ran out.” Maxwell jumped up and high fived her, Daniel provided a smirk but her facial expression was still puzzling him.

“So why the long face?”

“He bought me a ‘La Perla’ set.”

“He did what?” The men asked in unison, both wondering what Drake was playing at.

“He bought me a bra and thong set... I mean that shit isn’t cheap. He seemed sincere with his apology but I still don’t trust him. One minute he despises me, then he’s nice. It’s just not normal...”

“Maybe he wants you to dress up for him?” Maxwell licked his lips, then mimicked a blowjob. Providing her friend with her own hand gesture he soon stopped. Afraid of what she may do if he was to carry on.

“Stop right there, Max. This discussion is ending right now!”

“Okay, fine. But you didn’t have to stick two fingers up at me.... or is that what Drake will be doing to you?” Unable to resist winding her up, he escaped to the bathroom quickly- convenient timing.

****

Drake had spent the night, wondering if she was using her prior plans as an excuse to avoid him. He wouldn’t blame her, he had been awful with her. Scrolling through social media, she appeared in the everlasting list of ‘people you may know’. His finger hovered above the ‘add friend’ button- deciding against it, he kept coming back to it. Every time he was tempted to just click it, but he thought that it would give her an excuse to argue with him. Looking at her profile, he shook his head- he clearly wasn’t her only victim for her infamous pranks. Checking out the photos, he needed to stop- he had a sudden erection. That was until he saw a photo of Riley and Olivia- just looking at his arch-enemy turned him off straight away. After a few hours, he made the decision to have a shower- as he had nothing better to do. Usually he wouldn’t mind being ‘home alone’ but for some reason he felt more lonely now than ever. As he entered, the water cascaded down his toned body- placing one hand on the tile, his other hand wrapped around his shaft. Stop thinking about her, she will kill you if she knows you’re wanking over her.

“Shit! I’m soooo sorry. I’m going to puke... I won’t be long. It was the toilet or the floor...” Jumping, he tried to cover himself up- she was in a state. Standing frozen, he didn’t know what to do. Carry on ‘showering’ or get out and hold her hair? The hair debate entered his mind- mainly concerned about her waking up with the sticky yet fowl substance in it. But also to keep her head upright to avoid her face planting the bowl.

“Couldn’t you have just puked in the trash bin? I’m trying to shower!”

“Oh. My. God. It stinks. I’m sorry.” Turning her head towards him, she had a little laugh to herself. “Are you jerking yourself off? Hey! You wasn’t lying was you?”

“No, I am not doing what you think I am! I am covering it up to protect my dignity as best as I can.”

“Whatevs... you are so totally doing it. I’m going to rename my dildo to ‘Drake’.”

“What the fuck are you on about? Can you please hurry up- and collapse in your bed....”

“Ewww I’ve puked in my hair...” knew it. Just fucking knew it. Great. Stripping her clothes off, she stumbled- before entering the shower with him.

“Do you not know about social distancing? Riley! Get to bed.”

“What’s up Drakey? Never shared a shower before.... at least it’ll save on the water bill.” Putting her thumbs up towards him, her drunk mind was now trying to calculate ways in cutting down the bills- whilst she washed her body. Looking down at his erection, she smirked again.

“Yup, definitely calling my dildo ‘Drake’...” Drake knew he was now trapped, believing that if he was civil- and possibly helped her with anything, the quicker he would be able to go to bed.

“What was it called before?” He asked, in his mind he was thinking all sorts of obscure names. Bob? Battery operated boyfriend- because that’s all she’ll ever get if she carries on treating men like shit. Peter as in Peter rabbit? Mr Big?

“Leo....”

“Leo?”

“Yeah, Liv called my dildo ‘Leo’. Apparently it’s the image of him. Personally, I can’t see it. I haven’t used ‘Leo’ since. It put me straight off.” Yeah, don’t blame you. What the actual fuck?

“Right, I’m going to wash your hair for you- then tuck you in bed.”

“Aw you do have a heart.” Trying to make a love heart shape with her fingers, she failed miserably. Drake turned her around, holding on to her with one hand he tried to keep a distance, he didn’t want to poke her- she kept slipping in the shower, making him nearly fall instead as his grip tightened onto her waist. If he was going down, he wasn’t going alone. Getting out of the shower, he held on to her- escorting her out too. Drying her body with the fluffy towel, she was swaying - making it difficult to help assist her. Carrying her to her bed, he laid her onto her side- hoping that she wasn’t going to be sick again. After a few minutes, he kissed Riley on the cheek and left her sleeping alone. Sweet dreams, pisshead.

****

The morning after, Drake decided to check on Riley before leaving for work. He had barely slept, mainly worrying that she was going to choke on her vomit- but then the short shower that they had shared was also lingering throughout his thoughts. Knowing that she was breathing, and was content- he left for work. Not that he wanted to, but he knew the sooner he got to work- the earlier he could finish and return home.

Later on in the day, he returned home- the apartment was as he had left it. Opening her door, she was still asleep. Sitting next to her, he needed to wake her up. Caressing her cheek, she didn’t stir- deciding to gently shake her, she fluttered her eyelashes at him. Still in a daze, she still felt slightly drunk believing that she was hallucinating. Smelling his cologne, and seeing his blurry face- she sighed heavily.

“Hey, sleepyhead.” Fuck. He’s here. He’s on my bed.

“Drake! Get out!”

“Why?”

“Because I’m naked...” Pulling the duvet up as far as it could go, she was practically suffocating herself. “Remember you don’t like to see my - how did you describe it? Oh yeah. Flab.” Shaking his head, he was never going to hear the end of his hurtful words.

“Do you remember getting home last night?” Her eyes widened, she dread to think what had happened. The horror that was shown across her face, explained to him that she was clueless about the events after her night out.

“You came home, puked up then jumped in the shower with me. I carried you to your bed. There was no funny business. Anyway, it’s four o’clock- I think you better get up.”

“Four in the morning?”

“No. Afternoon. I’ve been to work and come back. I’ll order food and we can do what we planned if you’re up for it? There’s a match on.”

“Do I look like I watch sport?”

“Oh sorry. You’re probably one of those girls who likes to watch a film where the two main characters fall in love at the end.”

“Guilty.”

“Typical woman. I’ll get you some tissues- don’t want you ruining any make up.”

“It’s fine, Drake. Watch your game. I’ll have a shower then join you soon.”

“What drink do you want? I’ll get it ready for when you get out.”

“I’ve got wine, it’s in the fridge. Thank you, Drake.”

“No worries. Hurry up though.” Fuck why have I said that? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Before she could respond, he needed to think of an excuse for why he said that. “Because you don’t want your food to be cold.” Nodding, he smiled and swiftly left her- allowing her a bit of privacy to get out of bed. Making her way to the bathroom, she wished that she was able to walk in a straight line. Fucking Daniel, again. I need to stop drinking. Leaving the door slightly ajar, Drake couldn’t help himself but have a peek at her. Seeing her hair cascade down her back, he admired her body again as he did when she sabotaged his shower. God, she’s gorgeous. Stop looking at her Drake. Finally coming to his senses, he ordered the food and poured the drinks - waiting anxiously on the couch for Riley, he wanted to tell her the truth about what he thought about her.

“Don’t worry, I’ll get it.” Hearing her voice in the distance, it was a slight mumble as the noise from the tv was distracting him and was much closer.

“Sorry, I didn’t hear the door because of the game.”

“No worries. Hmm chinese. Good choice, roomie.” Bringing the food over to the table, they ate it together- both stealing glances from each other, both wondering if this was going to last. They spoke about simple things, to keep the conversation flowing with no awkwardness. Favourite food, phobias and fears, favourite vacations- were just some of the topics that they discussed. Riley decided to top up their drinks as they both gulped it in one, possibly needing Dutch courage to talk in a civil manner.

“Jesus, you cant even walk when you stick to the same drink.”

“I’m just a lightweight. You’d think that I’d be used to it working in a bar.”

“You work in a bar?”

“Yeah, with Daniel. He pulls in all the gays, and I flirt with the punters. It’s a real dive bar, so any custom is important.”

“I’ll have to come one day, just purely to annoy you and to distract you.”

“No. You’d just come for the free drinks. Because you know a person that works there.”

“Now you’ve offered free drinks, I’m definitely going to have to come.” Shaking her head, she knew that she would potentially get sacked if she provided Drake with whiskey all night on the house.

“So what do you do?” Sitting down next to him, she passed him the whiskey- waiting for him to elaborate. Intrigued as to what he did for a living. First impressions of him, was that he was a very closed off person- private. Unlike herself, who was an open book.

“I’m a mystery. That’s all you need to know.”

“C’mon Drake... tell me. I’ll ring Olivia and ask if not.”

“No!”

“Why no? Are you a serial killer? Or a drug dealer or something?”

“I just don’t like your friend. The answer is no. Plus, mind your own business.”

“You don’t like many people do you?”

“I hate her.”

“Like me.” Riley said this quietly, as her face faulted. Most people liked her, but Drake just had instant hate- deep down it hurt her slightly.

“Of course I’m going to hate you, you’re my roommate. Liv, she’s like the fucking devil.”

“You just don’t know her properly. Like you don’t know me.”

“I’d like to get to know you. I’m sorry. But you are annoying as fuck.”

“Maybe I am annoying. But so are you. Your teams losing, time for a change.” Reaching over him, she stole the remote and quickly changed the channel. Sex and the city, perfect.

“No! Not a chance! I’m not watching this shit. Put the fucking goddamn match back on.” Shooting off of the sofa, she ran towards her room shoving the remote in her bra- knowing he wouldn’t dare touch her whilst it was there.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Catching up to her, he pulled her back flush to his chest. Turning her around, his eyes never left hers.

“You’re a bit too close for comfort.” She could practically feel her heart attempting to leap out of her chest.

“Give me the remote, and I’ll let go of your waist.”

“Or what?”

“Or I’ll be holding on to you all night...”

“I pretty much doubt that, Drake.”

“You want to bet?” Moving his lips closer to her neck, his breath made her heart skip a beat- it also sent shivers down her spine. “Can you resist my lips, Riley?”

“Of course I can.” Whimpering, she wasn’t sure what to think. Deep down, she had always thought that he was handsome- but he was her roommate. Someone who hated her the previous day. Someone who was fucking a stranger in their shared accommodation. Kissing her neck gently, her body froze- his hands roamed her body, getting closer to her chest. Closing her eyes, she gulped at his soft touches.

“Your skin is so soft.... Riley.... I....” Swiftly removing the remote from her bra, he smirked- feeling smug with himself. “I win! Don’t fuck with me...no one turns the matches off!”

“You bastard!”

“Aw what’s up darling? Did you think that I was kissing you because I wanted to?” I actually really wanted more.

“I don’t know what to think with pricks like you! I knew tonight was too good to be true... why can’t you just be a normal human being?”

“Why can’t you ask for permission to turn the tv over?”

“It’s not the end of the fucking world!” Hearing a knock at the door, their bickering stopped almost immediately.

“Hey guys!”

“Leo?” They both shouted in unison, wondering why he was here. As soon as Olivia joined him, she eyed the two of them in front of her- attempting to study their body language.

“Woah, you two are close...” Leo stated as he nudged Olivia.

“Thought we’d drop by to see how you are both doing. Is there a problem? Have we come at a bad time?”

“I’m on top of the world, Liv. Living with a fucking prick like him is all I ever wanted in life. You have perfect timing! I’m so glad some normal human beings are here to socialise with me.” Drake gulped, now realising that he had been slightly petty.

“Living with an annoying bitch is all I ever wanted! So thanks for getting engaged guys. Beer, Leo?”

[cooltrainererika]

Alt-talia: It’s Starting to Feel Like Christmas

Hello, hello everyone! Joy to the world!

For some reason I thought this event began today, not yesterday, until pretty recently… but fortunately, while it’s a day late, I got to write this! I did plan on others, but I’m releasing this now so I can get it out just in case, especially since the two others could also fit on another day. This is mainly for 12/16: Presents, but it can also fit under Decorations and Traditions, so three in a row! Woot!

This time, I want to write more about characters I may have missed during Hetaween, since my character pool ended up narrower than intended. ...And saying that, I’m writing about two characters I’ve written twice in that event! Yay!

I debated whether to write about this topic in general or about it specific this year, but chose the latter. I hope I’ll get to release a more in-depth fic about it in general some other time. So yeah, I’m using some really fresh material again this time.

Oh yeah, BTW, most of my fics take place in my “Alt-talia” semi-AU where I aim to capture history and culture more faithfully and most importantly overhaul the many characters who make no sense drastically. This will especially be noticeable for England. So yeah, you have been warned. Though maybe he’s a bit OOC here compared to how I usually write him? Also, it should be noted that I use country names when talking about the characters as countries, and with human names when referring to them as individuals; while in Alt-talia the difference can be more hazy than canon, I mean more talking purely about their personal interactions and the like. 

Also, this is not intended to be shipping! 

This was supposed to be like a few lines with no real arc, but whelp. At least I still kept it short. Also there’s a deleted scene I didn’t know how to end as a bonus at the end. 

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(Oh, and those who read my fics; please comment or reblog? I work hard on these, and they would be highly appreciated.)

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It’s Christmastime Again, Lukas Haraldsen

Every year since 1947, Norway had a tradition of sending special Jul presents to a certain nation very dear to him. 

His Norwegian Spruce trees were prized by all; he regularly got bidders from all over Europe, and had witnessed many a fight over them get ugly. But the best of the best were only reserved for a certain United Kingdom; and the best among these, the Queen of the Forest, nurtured by the songs, voices, and arms of some of the world’s best, most loving foresters, for England. Specifically his capital, London.

After all, nothing could make up for the debt he had for him. In the dark days of Nazi occupation, London for him was hope; it was where England protected his royal family as they awaited the Nazis’ demise, from where the radio blared and urged him to fight on, where the skies have become a proving ground to show that the Nazis could be vanquished. 

He knew this year had been a mess for his friend, and his recent election, the second one that year, had done nothing to mitigate it; and while even Norway knew only he himself and his uncharacteristically impulsive decision really was to blame for his current situation, hopefully, this would improve his mood for the uncertain road ahead. 

Norway was a quiet, unassuming man, but he took his presents seriously. And he also took Jul seriously. 

And this year was no different. While he sent many trees every year to different cities in the kingdom, including to some of Scotland’s, the most important was of course the one sent to the City of Hope itself. 

And now, in the heart of Trafalgar Square, wearing a traditional sweater which may as well have been a T-shirt compared to the attire of the Londoners passing by as they started their day, whistling En stjerne skinner i natt and Vårres Jul to himself. 

“Mmm… Ah, Arthur!”

He waved and smiled gently as the man in question, dressed very much warmly in a thick duffel coat and wool knit scarf, came into view. 

“Ahem. I’m here too.”

Today beside him was one Peter Bates, or Sealand as he preferred to be called, adorably bundled up in a woolen coat, mittens, knit hat, and light blue scarf, now crossing his arms. 

“Right, right. Sorry.”

“Ello, Norway. Don’t mind him, he said he wanted to see the tree again and ‘His Highness’ Prince Bates told me to take him with me. Bloody cold here today, isn’t it?”

He was shivering a bit, his nose a noticeable red and his breath a white mist. 

“Nothing I’m not used to. I’ve been waiting for you here. I chose one which is much older and taller than usual. See for yourself.”

Norway moved aside so that his gift would be in full view of his friend. It was a product of the forests on the banks of Trollvann lake, raised with love as any tree worthy of Trafalgar Square would be, almost twice as tall and two or three decades older than the first tree to have had the honor to have the honor of being offered on this annual occasion. 

England stared at the tree. 

Silence. 

“Wow, it’s huge!”

Peter was the first one to speak, his eyes sparkling. 

“England? ...England?”

Norway asked, watching his blank expression. 

“Well… I know that I am causing quite a bit of annoyance, but if I remember correctly, you weren’t in the EU, right?”

Norway was now perplexed. 

England looked to him with a with an expression that could only be said to be both a gentle smile and disappointment at the same time. 

“It seems like it needs a drink, does it not? It looks a bit dry and quite thin.”

Norway thought he felt his heart sunk a little. 

Peter sharply elbowed England in the side, making him gag. 

“Sealand, please don’t.”

“It’s a present, you jerk! ...Don’t listen to Scrooge over here, she’s beautiful.”

“Well you do live on a metal platform in the ocean…”

He jabbed him again.

Norway’s face went a bit red. 

“She’s much older and taller than the usual ones. It won’t look just like a smaller one you would have in your living room.”

“Sorry. I’m just saying it looks a bit sparse, is all.”

Norway lifted up one of many boxes of lights. 

“Mmm… Well, will you be too busy to help?”

“Yes, am afraid. More negotiations and all. So I am presuming it will be lit in the cucumber style as per usua- ach!”

Peter this time kicked him in the knee, making the older nation’s legs buckle a bit. 

“I’ll help, Mister.”

The boy said. 

“No, no, you don’t have to.”

————

Norway had to admit; maybe he had gone too much for size this time around. But Peter insisted that it not looking completely picture perfect was what made it look real instead of “Plastic tat”. 

And, as usual, put up the lights his own way, pure white streaks from top to bottom, “cucumber style” as England called it. 

And despite his complaints, on the night of lighting two days later, as the streams of light lit up in the heart of London in the crisp air and Norway listened to Peter cheer loudly with the crowd, the mayor of Oslo give her speech, and children caroling, amongst a sea of Londoners peppered with tourists, England stood beside him. 

“Well, it indeed finally feels like Christmas now.”

Norway looked to his friend, whose eyes were on the star, towering almost 25 meters above. 

“Well… maybe it is not quite up to your usual quality. But stability has been hard to come by nowadays; this tree being here every year, that I can rely on.”

Norway merely gave a quiet “Mmmm.” in response. 

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So that’s that. If anyone desires an explanation, I’ll provide it in a reblog or something, but I’d rather my stories inspire further research.

Also, “Lukas Haraldsen” is the name I’m using for Norway now, since a lot of Norwegians don’t seem to like “Bondivik”. “Haraldsen” because the founding king of the country is said to be King Harald Fairhair, and as Alt-talia nations can choose their surnames I thought it would be fitting if the surname Norway chose was “Son of Harald”. This name isn’t final though. Especially “Lukas”; does baptism change names again? Also Sealand has been renamed to “Peter Bates” instead of Kirkland; I don’t know why Hima chose that surname, since Sealand’s whole shtick is that he wants to be seen as an independent country. Why would he have the same surname? “Bates” is the surname of his owners, BTW, if that wasn’t clear. 

Again, this wasn’t really supposed to be a complete story with a neat conclusion, and not as heartwarming as intended. Kind of a similar case to Keep Calm actually, which also just happened to involve England. It was an opportunity to show England being a d*ck because, believe me, Alt-England can be an absolute d*ck when he wants to be. But despite the fact that he’s one of the characters whose d*ckery I actually kind of enjoy writing in a Love to Hate way, I haven’t had the chance to do that so far in these events... and I guess I got halfway there? I guess just ending it on England passive-aggressively insulting the tree was just a bit too meanspirited for me. 

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Deleted scene

<F%CKYE4H: Wow, it’s like ‘A Charlie Brown Christmas’ in real life! What, are you gonna break out the aluminum trees now?>

<StillInInferno: Mate, at least you have a real tree, because down here it’s not only hot as hell but if I had any Christmas trees to begin with, they’ve already fucking burned to shit.>

<MooseOfMaple: Dad… With the hassle you’ve been causing everyone you might not have the right to complain about someone showing kindness and holiday spirit to you.>

Arthur huffed as his children ribbed him in the family chat that night. 

<RuleBritannia: Don’t preach to your father, we went over this.>

<F%CKYE4H: Still, giving, not receiving, y’know.>

<MooseOfMaple: Dad, please… As someone who knows spruce trees very well, I do question Norway’s decision, but still. The world doesn’t revolve around you anymore.>

<RuleBritannia: I do not think that. Please stop accusing me of it.>

<BlacKoru: Yeah. It revolves around America. Make of that what you will.>

<F%CKYE4H: Kiwi! I can see that!>

[greyias]

OC Asks 3. How did you choose their name?

Also asked by @captainderyn​

Hahahahaha… okay, the short answer?: I’m an idiot. I didn’t realize I was going to love this game or this character as much as I did.

The long answer, well, I’ve alluded to it once or twice in the past, but I guess I should actually delve into it for real. But under a cut, because it’s probably going to get long.

I’m not sure if this should come with any kind of warning, but it’s kind of long and does delve into some personal stuff. So hopefully that doesn’t bother anyone!

Okay, so, when I first heard about this game in 2011, I had been out of fandom for several years, and had played a few MMOs here and there, but never really got into them for very long, mostly because I got bored very quickly with how repetitive they were. And then I read about this supposedly story and character-driven MMO, and I was intrigued. I was talking to my sister-in-law at the time about it, and ultimately realized I’d never be able to play because I didn’t have a PC capable of running it, and I was heavily into debt because of medical issues, to the point where I was having a difficult time affording my car payment, mortgage, and groceries.

So then Christmas rolls around, and my family has just about finished all of the presents when my brother and his wife go and bring in a special gift they’d been working on for several months: a frankensteined gaming PC that had one game installed on it, with several months of a subscription pre-paid: Star Wars the Old Republic

Needless to say, I was kind of bawling because no one had ever done something that nice to me before. And like? It’s kind of hard to describe what that previous year had been like without having a long, long side story but… it was difficult. It kind of sounds melodramatic to say it was hellish, but looking back on it? It kind of was. I was barely doing anything besides surviving, much less having fun. And here my sister-in-law had actually listened to a one-off conversation about how I was interested in this game but probably would never be able to play it, and like… took it upon herself to make that happen.

So of course the first thing I do is hook up my brand FrankenPC, load up the only game on it, and create a character! But it’s a MMO – and even though it’s billed on being story and character-based, I kind of don’t really believe it? Or at least don’t think my character is going to matter. So I do what I did with every other MMO, I used my online nickname to make a character (Greyias) so my friends can recognize me if they’re in-game, create a character that vaguely looks like me, and get to adventuring! 

The last name came when they rolled out legacies, and hey, I used “Highwind” for my short-lived Pirates of the Caribbean MMO toon. It’s also the last name for one of the main characters in my abandoned steampunk novel series, but that’s another story for another time.

(And then after about three days of learning the mechancis, re-roll said character on a different server, because OOPS! That wasn’t the server my brother and sister-in-law had started their guild on. She looked a little less like me this time. Probably should have changed the name, but I just wanted to see how the story turned out and eventually quest with my fam)

I realized my mistake around Coruscant when Kira joined up as a companion and I went “…uh oh.”

Because I’ve started to recognize I get a certain feeling when I like something, really like something to the point when I get… ideas. Story ideas. Character conversations and wondering “what if”. Of course, this is still in the open beta period, the game hasn’t even launched yet, there’s still long queues to log in and the grind is real, and I just want to see where this story is going and what Darth Angral is going to do, and why is this character so damn sincere and genuine and I don’t like characters that are the literal embodiment of sunshine, I like snarky snarksters and–oh. No I actually do like the Sunshine Jedi. A lot.

Now, a few of you may be like “I really don’t see what the problem is” – this is kind of an old school thing, and something that seems to have thankfully gotten a lot of pushback in the time since I had left fandom and the time since I rejoined it, and that is: The Dreaded Mary Sue

From about the time I had started writing fic when I was in my early teens and onwards it had been drilled into my head that Mary Sues were a bad thing. And self-inserts were worse. Especially if they were *gasp* FEMALE CHARACTERS. (We can’t have those girls having characters they identify with now, can we?) And like, those very relevant discussions aside, I was kind of… ashamed? That I had made a self-insert without realizing it? Despite the fact that like, the character that resulted from my playthrough was very much not me. Like, a significantly different person.

But I was starting to get story ideas and snatches of character bits, and like, I hadn’t written in so long, I hadn’t been inspired in so long. And honestly I just loved this little do-gooder goober, in all of her naive, happy-go-lucky glory. As well as her red-headed sidekick and this amazing dynamic that I had only really seen depicted between male characters previously. And so I promised myself if I got a story idea, I’d write it out and… just change Grey’s name to something else. So no one would know my secret crime, and I would be free, freeeee to scribble in the margins of canon.

It was a great plan, except, I had been playing with subtitles for the game on, so every time Grey would speak, her name would appear above it. And wouldn’t you know? I associated that name with that face, and well, I didn’t get that story idea yet, so it was. Fine I tell you. FINE.

I kept playing the game. In fact, I played the game a lot in the middle part of 2012, because wouldn’t you know? I had another round of medical issues that put me on short term disability and I actually had to retrain my body to sit in a chair for long periods of time (look, it’s a really long story, and this post is long enough as it is). So let’s just say… I got really attached to my little Sunshine Jedi who could go out and save the galaxy when I could barely walk a hundred feet.

And continued to play it off and on over the following years, until finally, finally the devs removed the grind wall in preparation for KotFE, and I was able to finish the Jedi Knight storyline and see where her story ended up. Then I played the next expansion on Makeb. Which was fun. Then I made the mistake that we all know I was eventually going to make: I played Shadow of Revan.

And met Theron fucking Shan. And my perfect little Jedi suddenly fell in love and oh crap. I’m escaping out of cutscenes to rewatch them. Like rewatching them an absurd amount of times. And as I’m going to sleep I’m like, getting entire bits of narration and brand new scenes and fic ideas in my head, and oh god. It finally happened. I try and resist the pull, but I play up through KotFE and I have no more story to stall any more. And the snippets just keep lulling me to sleep every night and… okay.

I probably need to rename this character now. Like, there’s an actual ability to do that in-game so I should get to it. Chop chop.

Nothing works. Nothing at all works. This should not be that hard, she can have any name, no one will know. Why can’t I think of a different name? I go to every single name site known to man, and none of them are her. Besides the fact, that’s her name, and I’m starting to feel kind of guilty for taking it away from her. Poor girl has been through so much in canon and now I’m taking away her name? What kind of monster am I? Okay, fine. I roll up a different Knight during the Dark vs Light event, gave that one an actual name that was not my online writer name just to see if I could trick my brain into writing about them.

Nope.

Maybe I’ll change my online name? “Let her keep the name Grey and I can just have a different name and…” – at this point I’m starting to realize I might be getting slightly neurotic over this whole thing.

Completely annoyed with myself for spending nearly a year trying to come up with a new name I’m starting to get desperate, thinking up ways to maybe just… write around it and not let people know her name until they maybe fall in love with her and hopefully just forget how it’s weird. That can work right? Okay, whatever at least I’m writing and it’s shutting these two up, and it’s all going good for several stories in and then suddenly I get to a scene that has more than one female character and I’m like “Shit… the jig is up.”

Meanwhile, I’ve started up a Dragon Age Origins playthrough, and like a dumbass, DO THE EXACT SAME THING with a female Cousland, and start whining to poor @for-the-flail on Twitter, on my fainting couch about how I can never write this character’s name because I named her after myself, and, bless her heart, she’s just like: “…um. Why?”

And I’m like “Because… we share a name… and that’s weird for people…?”

She goes “It’s not that weird. Why don’t you just write your stories? People will like them or not.”

And sheepishly, I realized she was right, and stopped being so diligent about hiding poor Grey’s name, and eventually, because you are all such lovely and encouraging people, eventually embraced it. (Come to think of it, I never did wind up writing about poor Cousland!Grey. Oops.)

So! That’s the long and ramble story of how she got her name and why it never changed despite my best efforts.

In summary: I’m an idiot 🤷‍♀️ but I think you guys love me anyway?

[tearlessrain]

okay, I have a spare afternoon and a freshly made batch of guacamole I need to hide from my roommate because I only had one avocado and that is not enough to share. time to ruin it by watching Maximum Ride.

aw sad bird child. okay she looks nothing like the description in the book but she is adorable. why does the old guy look so much like Sad Island Luke.

listen I’m gonna be honest and say I barely remember the plot of the books and have no idea who anyone is. I remember who Ari is and like three of the bird children

why would the nicknames they (if I remember right, see above) gave eachother be on their official forms

oh god down we go into Voiceover Exposition Hell

... that is not a tomboyish fourteen year old girl.

... that is NOT a fourteen year old boy

seriously she looks like liv from izombie

um. did his wings get cut off. why is his back like that. where are her wings. why are they acting like it’s a big secret nobody is watching this who didn’t read the books we’re just here to see mediocre cgi wings. you have one job, movie. don’t screw up your one redeeming quality.

omg small child is adorable. he’s also the best actor by far for some reason. not that the bar was high but like this kid can actually act

why are they like. going out if their way to make max as unlikable as possible. I dislike her almost as much as light turner.

description of iggy I recall reading: pale, light-haired, fine-boned, somewhat calm and serious

description of max I recall reading: dark-haired, relatively sturdy build for a bird child, blunt and outspoken

so why am I seeing literally the exact opposite????

I just really, really hate her she hasn’t displayed a single redeeming quality or resemblance to her book counterpart

fifteen minutes in and still no sign of wings aka the only thing that would make this movie even slightly watchable

“I know you think max doesn’t care, but she does” are you sure about that fang because we’re almost a fifth of the way into the movie of which she’s the titular character and she has yet to display even one single emotion

wait that’s iggy sorry they both have the generic white boy haircut and dress similar

why did they give iggy all of max AND fang’s distinctive/interesting traits

less than one minute later: “you’re wrong to think max doesn’t care, she does” okay so like... you know the part of editing where you go through and look for superfluous lines and remove them? I THINK THEY FORGOT TO DO THAT.

god it’s like listening to a bioware dialogue tree

the only plot this movie has had so far is “nobody can go outside and everyone has to keep quiet” and now you all come pouring out of the house and start yelling the instant something suspicious happens. okay.

WINGS. FINALLY.

it wasn’t even a dramatic reveal though it was literally just schwoop there she goes

oh that’s some hobbit-level cgi oh dear

you know if you don’t have the budget to make decent wings and show them more often you shouldn’t be making a maximum ride movie that’s the only reason anyone is even here. seriously, one job.

oh my god ari I’m dying what did they do to his character design holy shit that’s bad

wHY ARE THESE CHILDREN BETTER ACTORS THAN THEIR OLDER COUNTERPARTS

WHAT IS THIS 80S MUSIC VIDEO OVERLAY EDITING

lasto beth nin, tolo dan nan galad

her face is just slowly rotating closer please stop.

i don’t want it.

what did that accomplish

aaand max continues to be a passenger in her own movie while fang and iggy take all the initiative

such dramatic. very slo mo. wow.

I love how they were so confident in their writing ability that they thought they could made the wings an afterthought

paul ari you is a wirwulf

I’m sorry nobody is going to get that it’s a mystery science theater reference

okay know what we should just rename the movie “Iggy” because he’s literally the only one who’s done anything useful or interesting

omg ari did the Shan Yu Punch out of the ground amazing

okay those wings are in no way sufficient to lift a child. even a child with hollow bones and whatever other bullshit physiology. they aren’t much longer than arms, you don’t even need to worry about being cumbersome when folded because they apparently just vanish magically so why not go for it. seriously, you had ONE JOB.

“stop.” thank you fang that’s just what I was about to say to her. but I think you meant “stop being irrational about this particular thing” whereas I meant “stop talking forever please and thank you”

you do NOT have enough chemistry or nuance for this much dialogue-free face closeup content, movie. when I said stop talking I meant stop the WHOLE scene containing the talking.

you know that “lemon stealing whores” porn intro that became a meme? that’s the quality of acting I’m looking at here. I’m not exaggerating that’s the vibe I get from her.

ah the ol’ “convenient nearby sexual assault” trope, hallmark of a writing team who forgot to give their protagonist a personality or redeeming qualities and are desperately trying to make up for it too late.

here comes fang in all his music video quality cgi slo mo glory to once again render max utterly superfluous

the funny thing is in any other movie I would kind of hate him but the baseline is max so he seems all right

it’s been 40 minutes and like three things have happened

okay I know normally in these liveblogs I’m yelling “show don’t tell” but that only works if what you’re showing has any internal consistency or meaning, if I just wanted to watch a bunch of disjointed scenes sometimes in slow motion I’d watch Koyaanisqatsi because at least they did it well. movie, please stop showing me things.

speaking of internal consistency they keep going wildly off model on the wings, they keep changing size/shape, now they look like they’re made of bendy wire how hard is it to google bird anatomy. YOU HAD. ONE. JOB.

how is she this bad at acting. I’m just looking on in awe now.

oh fang you’re a saint for putting up with her but you should have just left her in the house and taken over the movie

THE DIALOGUE IS SO BAD. “how’s you’re shoulder?” “fine......................................................... seriously, that’s all you’re going to say?” HE DIDN’T SAY ANYTHING

this is just such a bizarrely disjointed mess

no. no please don’t kiss I don’t want to see it and it definitely didn’t happen in the book

thank god

omg it was iggy, finding yet another way to save the movie

oh stop trying to make her out to be all heroic and shit now, you wasted half the movie making this bed now lie in it and make someone else the protagonist. how about iggy, who has a personality and does things and stopped the unnecessary romance subplot in its tracks. the boy’s a hero.

only 30 minutes to go I can do this

I’m not even mad about the bullshit science because every other component of the movie is somehow even worse

“you were his favorite” FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY SHE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES

actually scratch that SHE HAS NO QUALITIES SHE’S JUST THERE

flashback to the comparatively talented child actors time again

what was the point of that flashback though, you’re just relaying the exact information fang just told everyone with no new contributions. I didn’t say show AND tell ffs.

I don’t even know what to say about ari he’s just generally hilarious

okay we get it the ringing is loud, you have established this into the ground now please stop

okay good nobody’s talking Imma just take my earbuds out until it’s over

finally

and they’re back in their weird, economically inefficient cage arrangement again. oh no.

seriously why are all the children better actors like where did they find these children. moreover where did they find such terrible adults.

here comes woverine’s obnoxious metalhead little brother again

OKAY, WE KNOW IT’S JEB, YOU CAN STOP BUILDING UP TO IT NOW

please stop talking I beg you this is painful

“I brought you to the house so you could develop physically and emotionally” and I assume they brought her back because that part of the experiment was a complete failure

okay listen the pacing and editing in this movie is awful. it’s so slow. they pause for at least three seconds between every single line of dialogue and it feels like they’re doing that because they’re trying to cover for the fact that they have absolutely nothing to say. this conversation could last half as long as it is. and the editing isn’t even interesting it’s just “headshot headshot fullbody distance shot from the side repeat” even if the actors were good this scene would be boring as all fuck.

[monotone exposition]

[more exposition]

[badly emoted emotional response]

there now imagine that repeated several times over and you’ve watched the entire, I shit you not, seven minute scene.

so she walked out of the room calmly and voluntarily right past ari and then we cut to ari aggressively wrestling her back in the economically inefficient cage room

why is he talking like batman

why are they all looking to her for leadership she’s shown zero leadership

MAKE IGGY THE LEADER MAKE IGGY THE LEADER DEPOSE MAX

bit late to establish a new villain with no precedent in your already disjointed movie isn’t it?

p l e a s e stop with these establishing shots

asdfkdgs she punched him in the chest and his head jerked to the side miscommunication

once again that went on longer than it needed to I think we’ve identified this movie’s fatal flaw

one of them

the other is max’s acting

and the ratio of wings to literally anything else

everything that’s occurred in this movie could have happened in thirty minutes tops

running running running

with no indication of how far apart they are or where they’re going of course so there’s absolutely no tension

wha

omg she’s still standing there fucks sake learn pacing

“so what now” “I dunno” LEADERSHIP

oh goodness oh no she has passed out I guess we’ll just have to make Iggy the leader such a shame

you know even in the book I remember liking Iggy a lot. he was a wildly different character from the little I recall but I do know I liked him.

they flashed back to the entire movie sped up and it took less than a minute which I think says a lot about how little happened in this movie

oh no enough romantic tension

S T O P

I was at least expecting a final dramatic group takeoff since they’re a bunch of BIRD PEOPLE standing on the edge of a CLIFF and all, but I guess the cgi budget ran out so we end with the bird children just standing on the ground in a group to dramatic music.

YOU

HAD

ONE

JOB

fuck this I feel cheated but at least it’s over.

[swshadowcouncil]

What’s In A Name? Cases For And Against “Rey” Skywalker

Written by needsmoresprinkles.

Originally posted on the Star Wars Shadow Council weblog.

It’s no secret that Rey’s name has been the subject of fierce debate over the past few years—is she Rey Skywalker? Rey Kenobi? Rey Palpatine-Calrissian-Sleazebaggano? Instead of wading into that particular topic, however, I’d like to address a different part of the mystery surrounding Rey’s moniker. Namely, is her name really Rey after all?

We already know that Rey was separated from her family at a very young age; so young, in fact, that she has virtually no memories of her life before Jakku. And, given that she seemingly has no memory of her last name either (or else is really bad at putting two and two together), it’s reasonable to wonder whether or not Rey has forgotten or changed her original name since the time she and her family were separated.

Full disclosure: since I do have to SOMEHOW limit the scope of this article, I’m basing my analysis on the evidence-based assumption that Rey is Luke Skywalker’s daughter. You can read some good cases for it here, here, and even here, in this imgur album. If this is indeed true, how could the daughter of the galaxy’s most famous Jedi forget so thoroughly who she is and where she came from? On the flip side, if Rey can remember her first name, why can’t she remember anything else about her origins, including her family name? Or does Rey actually know more than she lets on?

Buckle in, boys and girls, because it’s time for me to have an argument with myself on the internet. I present to you, the evidence for and against Rey Skywalker.

EVIDENCE FOR “REY” SKYWALKER

EXHIBIT A: It’s really hard to forget your own name

This one’s kind of a gimme. By the age of 4 or 5 (when Rey, as far as we know, was separated from her family), virtually all children know their own name. In order for Rey to forget her “real” name and start going by “Rey,” she would have to suffer an event that almost entirely wiped her memory prior to the events of her separation. The fact that we don’t know for sure how much Rey actually remembers, however, makes this point difficult to refute completely. Canon materials have been inconsistent and vague about how clearly Rey remembers losing her family, and the interrogation scene between Rey and Kylo indicates that there may be “walls” put up in Rey’s mind that prevent others—and maybe herself—from seeing her memories clearly. If Rey is in fact a false name, there must have been a seriously memory-altering event in Rey’s past that resulted in her losing sight of her true identity so thoroughly.

EXHIBIT B: Who would have named her?

An odd point, but an interesting one. If Rey did forget her own name, and presumably grew up parentless, who would have given her the name Rey? Some have argued that Rey got her name from Dosmit Raeh, the pilot whose helmet she wears in the opening scenes of TFA, but this was (somewhat) debunked by Pablo Hidalgo, who tweeted that “Raeh” was an in-joke from someone on the production team, whose children had initials beginning with “R” and “H,” and that the “ae” was an Aurebesh substitution for an ampersand. It’s possible that the writers were inspired by this to change Rey’s name midway through production (which they did, but more on that later), but it’s a stretch to think such a small detail would spark such a major change. So, unless we find out Unkar Plutt turned out to be a more devoted father figure than we imagined, it’s likely that Rey began introducing herself as Rey of her own accord. And given that most 5-year-old girls given the opportunity to name themselves would go with something more akin to “Baby T-Rex Ballerina” than “Rey,” this seems good evidence in favor of Rey going by her real name.

EXHIBIT C: Why would Rey be using a deliberate pseudonym?

Some have suggested that not only does Rey know more about her identity than she’s letting on, but that she is in fact deliberately hiding who she really is from those around her. Her odd comment to BB-8 about having a “classified” identity seems to hint at this, although it could also be a lighthearted joke poking fun at a cute robot acting like a member of MI6. But—again, assuming she is Rey Skywalker—her surprised reaction to hearing about Luke, a man who shares her last name, pretty clearly indicates there are parts of her identity she genuinely doesn’t know about. If Rey is using a pseudonym, it’s either because she’s someone other than Luke’s daughter and this whole argument is made irrelevant (again, refer back to the above links to see why I think this isn’t the case), or because she somehow knows she needs to keep her true identity a secret but doesn’t fully know why.

(Bonus: Obi-Wan calls her “Rey”)

If there’s one person who’s in the business of “knowing everything about the protagonist, up to and including things the protagonist doesn’t know about themselves,” it’s Obi Wan Kenobi. So in Rey’s force vision, when we hear that clever little cut of Alec Guinness calling out “Rey?” we’re dealing with a guy who usually knows who and what he’s talking about. Since this is pretty minor evidence, I’m not going to give it its own exhibit heading, but it’s worth considering nonetheless.

EVIDENCE FOR “SOMEONE ELSE” SKYWALKER

EXHIBIT A: Han’s Reaction

This is my personal biggest indicator that “Rey” might not be our protagonist’s real name. Let’s assume that, however busy he was gallivanting around the galaxy, Han was at least tuned-in enough to know that his brother-in-law/best friend had a daughter at some point, and would have probably remembered her name. So when he comes across a desert-dwelling, backseat-driving, scrappy mechanic kid with no family who was born right around the time his niece was, you would think his reaction would be slightly more intense than this:

There are a million different ways you can analyze Harrison Ford’s delivery here (and unfortunately, the scene isn’t on YouTube, so you can’t hear the vocal inflections he uses), but he certainly doesn’t stop dead in his tracks the way he might if he found out this grown-up version of his preschool-age niece just happened to have the exact same name as her. All we can observe is that Han hesitates and avoids eye contact while asking Rey her name, softens and smiles slightly when he hears it, but then immediately continues with what he was previously saying. Whether his reaction is then one of dismissal (“Well, guess I was wrong.”) or poignant happiness (“So that’s what the little scamp goes by now, huh?”), it certainly doesn’t read as someone who just discovered the biggest “coincidence” of his life.

EXHIBIT B: Rey’s name changed mid-production

Those of us who followed TFA hype from the beginning know that Rey’s original name was “Kira” (or “Keera,” depending on who you ask), which was then changed to “Rey” when the crew was already filming in Abu Dhabi. So why would JJ suddenly feel strongly enough to change his protagonist’s name midway through filming? Simple answer: he liked “Rey” better. Alternate answer: Rey’s real name is (or, rather, was) Kira, and the TFA team decided that it would be easier from a storytelling perspective if she went by a different name than her birth name while on Jakku. Based on deleted lines from the novelizations of The Force Awakens, such as Kylo’s “It is you!” and the mysterious male voice in Rey’s vision saying “I’ll come back, sweetheart, I promise,” there’s some evidence Rey’s identity was originally far more obvious than it ended up being in the final film. So if the production team did indeed make the choice to play things closer to the vest partway through production, they may have given Rey a pseudonym to prevent scenes like Han and Rey’s introduction from giving away too much. And, although I am loath to go into etymology territory here, “Kira” is derived from a Sanskrit wordmeaning “beam of light,” or “ray of light.” So there is some evidence that the name “Rey” wasn’t picked at random just because it sounds cool, given that it shares a meaning with the character’s previous name. Now that the infamous Han Solo spinoff has a female lead named Kyra (thought to be pronounced KEE-rah), it seems unlikely that this particular name will be revealed to be Rey’s real one. But the connection between Rey’s original old and new names gives us an indication that there was some method to the madness of renaming her so comparatively late in the production process.

EXHIBIT C: ¿Por que no los dos?

If I were a betting woman, my money might be on this option. Although Luke is most closely associated with Tatooine, and Leia with Alderaan, their longest-running family lineage stems from the planet of Naboo. And if there’s one thing we know, it’s that the Naboo people LOVE names that end in “-ey” sounds. So much so that when you list some of them by name—Saché, Sabé, Dormé, Cordé, Rabé, Eirtaé, Padmé��it sounds like a deleted verse from RuPaul’s 1993 classic, “Supermodel.” So is it really so inconceivable that Luke and Mama Skywalker decided to name their daughter something befitting her Naboo roots (or even just a pretty name featuring the syllable “-ré” or “-rey”)? In this sense, maybe Rey both is and isn’t our heroine’s real first name. If she was, say, Freya, Aurelia, or Reyna Skywalker (just to use a few earthling names and spare myself the embarrassment of trying to invent Naboo-sounding ones), her going by “Rey” would explain Han’s reaction—this was, indeed, likely his niece, but she went by a nickname that gave him just enough doubt to keep him from being entirely stunned by the revelation. This is also a great way to show that Rey’s developed her own identity, allowing her to keep the name she’s been using for ¾ of her life (and, more cynically, the name she’s been marketed as by Disney, Hasbro, et al), while also explaining why neither Han nor Leia, at any point, went “Holy shit, her name is Rey? Like, Luke’s Rey?” like any normal person would.

CONCLUSION

Look, at this point, we’re less than a month out from the movie, and this article will either be tossed aside or get me hailed as some sort of Star Wars psychic (but will, in either case, be mostly irrelevant). So I can only speak for myself when I say that I think Rey will, ultimately, be the name that our protagonist goes by for the remainder of the trilogy. But I think there is a very good chance it is not her real and/or full name. If we are, in fact, dealing with the long-lost daughter of Luke Skywalker, we already know there’s a long and bumpy road to finding out all the secrets of who she is and how she got in her current situation, and her name being part of that unraveling mystery wouldn’t surprise me in the least. So, if you want to take my word for it, I’d say go ahead and get that custom-embroidered “I Love Rey, My Fictional Psychic Samurai Girlfriend” leather jacket you’ve been longing for. That’s relatable, right? Everybody wants one of those.

[brido]

Mike and Vicky Go to Ecuador (Day 3)

When the Spanish missionaries were setting up Old Town Quito on the ruins of Incan temples, they didn’t really take into account that cars would exist in 400 years and an impatient tourist might come to visit from the U.S. and hate being stuck on the narrow streets in traffic, surrounded by city busses spewing an ungodly amount of exhaust in a city whose altitude already leaves you gasping for air. That’s a good place to start Day 3, when my wife and I hopped in a car with my sister and brother-in-law to see the sights of the first city UNESCO’s deemed to be a World Heritage Site.

Our first stop was up El Panecillo to see the massive aluminum Virgin of Quito statue that overlooks the city from a volcanic hill at 10,000 feet above sea level. It was built in 1976 and is actually based on a foot-high wooden sculpture by Bernardo de Legarda in 1734 that the city fucking loves for some reason. I don’t get it and I’m actually trying to. The original looks like something my Irish Catholic grandmother might have kept in her bedroom. But it’s apparently venerated throughout the Andes in the same way Mexicans see the Virgin of Guadalupe, but sans the whole miraculous origin story.

Well, I take that back. The Virgin of Guadalupe appeared at a chapel built on the ruins of a shrine to an Aztec goddess and the Virgin of Quito is high on a hill that the Incas used in their worship of the sun and is based on an original which is permanently displayed in a Franciscan church that was built over the ruins of an Incan temple. Or the home of Atahualpa. Either way, in both cases the Spanish Catholics went smashy smashy build build for Mary. Which basically means that El Panecillo is part Virgin of Guadalupe, part Christ the Redeemer, part Pieta, part Statue of Liberty and all Quito, bay-bee.

Our next stop was down the windy cobblestone hill of El Panecillo to the Basilica of the National Vow. Because no foreign trip with my wife is complete without taking her formerly-Protestant behind to some ornate monument to Catholicism. And there’d be even more of that in a minute. But the basilica is an impressive 19th Century neo-Gothic knockoff of Notre-Dame, complete with gargoyles of animals that are local to Ecuador, like armadillos, iguanas and Galapagos tortoises. Which is actually kind of fun. 

The best part was that an elevator can take you to the top of the basillica, where you can walk nervously across rickety wooden scaffolding and then scale a horrifyingly steep 25-30-foot metal ladder to check out (literally) breathtaking views from the roof. I was scared out of my mind, even at the wooden scaffolding part. But when my sister and wife (who are just girls) happily sauntered across the wooden walkway, I had to talk myself into following after them. My sister bowed out at the metal ladder. But then my wife and brother-in-law basically said, “I’ll go if you go” to the death ladder. And so up we all went. Ohmygod.

The entire time I was at the top (well, there was one last set of steps to go up even higher, but fuck that shit) I was increasingly nervous about how I was supposed to get down from there. Like, do I trust myself to be able to go down backwards down the ladder? Or do I go down the ladder like they’re stairs, where I’d be one slipped heel away from an early demise. I’m getting that fight-or-flight sensation in my stomach just thinking about it now. And at the time, I actually found myself getting angry with how cavalier all the young tourists were on the ladder and the roof like we weren’t all going to die. I distinctly remember looking down and seeing actual cigarette butts on the roof up there, presumably from some health-nut European backpacker who didn’t understand how anything works.

As soon as I’d get the courage to go back down, I’d have to wait for more enthusiastic youngsters to rush up the ladder and then a wave of doubt would rush over me again. Basically, what I’m telling you is that I kind of regret going to the top of that fucking basilica.  

In the end, as I was standing at the ladder waiting for that right mental moment to proceed, the sweaty tourist I hated the most asked me if it was okay if he could go down ahead of me. I obliged. The sweaty tourist I hated the most was actually the first person I saw go down like facing forwards, treating the ladder like they were stairs. So after one or two failed attempts at positioning my own body in a way I could climb down backwards, my wife said, “That one guy just went down facing forwards and I think it looked a lot easier.” That was all I needed to hear. I went facing forward. I made it down. I hated the sweaty guy a little less. And I still don’t like thinking about the way down. I just like the part when I didn’t die. In my brief moment of bravery, I didn’t even give a shit about the rickety scaffolding on the way back. Or the teenager who hit on my wife. The relief I felt from scaling down that ladder was a semi-religious experience in itself. Like I’d found my own personal Jesus at the top of ‘Chrysler 300 Notre-Dame’.

Leaving the basilica also ended up being a bit of a nightmare. At 11 am sharp every Monday, there’s a changing of the guard in Independence Plaza, right in front of Carondelet Palace, where the President, Vice President and the Ministry of the Interior of Ecuador all live. Sometimes the president even comes out and greats the public from a balcony that’s like, feet from the square. All right there in the best preserved colonial city center in the Americas. It’s nuts. 

That’d be like if Independence Mall in Philadelphia still had the President’s House and Donald Trump, Mike Pence, Jeff Sessions and whoever the Secretary of Homeland Security is all lived in that same old house. It sounds like a reality show producer’s wet dream. Or the most expensive security detail in the history of of the universe.

Since we were on a bit of a tight schedule, we had to hop out of our car on one of Old Town’s narrow streets that were never meant to have cars in the first place and rush past the traffic and through the plaza (where there also happened to be a fucking protest) to la Compania de Jesus.

It was a kind of dizzying experience. Would it have been nice to take in the super historic plaza? Sure. But part of that history is secular president/dictator Eloy Alfaro (the guy who renamed the plaza and commissioned a statue to independence) being dragged through that same plaza in 1912 by a pro-Catholic mob before his body was set on fire. Also, the Bishop of Quito was poisoned with strychnine during Good Friday mass at the nearby Cathedral in 1877. And the pro-Catholic president/dictator, Gabriel Garcia Moreno, was also murdered on the palace steps by Freemasons with revolvers and a machete in 1875. I can keep going... Okay, I will. 

In 1949, a radio station in Quito did the same War of the Worlds broadcast stunt that Orson Welles pulled in the U.S. 11 years earlier. It set off a wave of panic in the city with police and fire fighters rushing out to fight the aliens, which actually got much worse when the broadcast was revealed as a hoax. Several people died in the ensuing riots and fires, including the show producer’s girlfriend and nephew. The producer had to flee to Venezuela. I mean, I still felt brave from conquering my fear of heights in the basilica, but I wasn’t taking my fucking chances with any Ecuadorian riots. 

The Church of the Society of Jesus is a super ornate, and gold-leaved Jesuit church they started building in 1605 and didn’t finish until 1765. And it’s deducted major points for not allowing me to take photos inside. I had a hard time following our English-speaking tour guide. But I know she kept mentioning Ignatius of Loyola and Saint Mariana of Jesus de Paredes, the patron saint of Ecuador. All while we were completely surrounded by baroque all-gold-everything and I fumed over not being able to take pictures of anything but a stupid old bell and the outside door that makes La Compania look like a Chinese restaurant.      

My wife said the tour guide did mention the Jesuits getting the boot from King Charles in 1767, but I was probably too grumpy to notice. There was also some lady that just waltzed into our tour group without paying and kept standing uncomfortably close to me. But I guess it’s okay because I was able to look it up later. Essentially what happened is that the Jesuits, who were loyal to the pope, got a little too wealthy and independent for the liking of European empires at the time. Oh, and unlike those European empires, they weren’t cool with enslaving the native populations of the Americas. That was a big factor in the decision to import slaves from Africa, who worked on their land and helped fund their universities and led them to attain the wealth and power feared by people like King Charles III.        

So Charles took a page from Philip IV of France, who got rid of the Knights Templar in 1307. The Jesuits got the boot from Spanish territories, despite the threat of eternal damnation from the pope, a lot of the Jesuits died on their way into exile and the Spanish confiscated their land to be auctioned off to people whose descendants might one day give me a tour of their rose factory. King Charles III is also known for trying to convince the people of Madrid to stop throwing their shit buckets out their windows. So there’s that too.    

The Jesuits were eventually restored after the Napoleonic wars. They’re doing just fine now and Pope Francis even became the first Jesuit pope in 2013. Scorsese made a movie about some Jesuits in 2016. So everything is fine. I mean, it’s really declining in numbers. And Georgetown University had to apologize for slavery a few months ago. But it’s fine. They even have a big gold church in Quito where nobody is allowed to take photos.  

The tour guide told us something I couldn’t understand about a picture of Mary in the church blinking one time or something. There was another miracle she talked about that was depicted on a gold wall about someone turning food into a bouquet of flowers or something. I might have heard it wrong, but I whispered, “That’s a stupid miracle” to my wife, but she shot me a look to be more respectful. And then there was even more stuff about Saint Mariana of Jesus de Paredes, who self-flagellated with the help of an indigenous servant and starved herself to become so pure that when she died, a white lily sprang up from her blood and bloomed on the spot. Again, I couldn’t really follow what the woman was saying. 

Oh, and there was a horrifying copy of Hernando de la Cruz’s El Infierno painting (what happened to the original?), depicting various sinners being tortured in hell for whatever bad thing they did during their life. My sister asked what one of the words meant on the painting and the tour guide said, “This is loan shark.” She asked what another word meant and the guide just said, “Homosexuality.” We moved on. I’m actually frustrated right now that I can’t find more about this stuff Online. Especially since I know that if this shit was in Europe some historian would take it seriously enough to write about it. No word on whether one of the sins in the painting was photography. Yeah, I’m still mad.      

As we headed off to lunch, my sister tried to convince us to go into the Church and Monastery of St. Francis, the same church the Spanish immediately started building after the city was founded in 1534. It’s where the mediocre wooden Virgin of Quito statue is proudly displayed. And right on top of those Incan ruins. There’s also a legend about the church’s architect, Cantuna, making a deal with the devil to finish the atrium, but then removing a brick to get out of his deal. That all sounded great to me, but my wife and I really had to pee. So we headed across the plaza to Casa Gangotera where I found a bathroom.

Casa Gangotera was another memorable, if not stuffy, dining experience. It’s a hotel and the former home of some Spanish gazillionaire in old timey Quito. Victoria and I were talked into the tasting menu, which was way too much food yet again. But I hate to admit that some of the courses were better than the versions we got at Chilcabamba the day before. I even tried llama meat. Remember yesterday when my guide said llama meat was better than beef? Well, it’s not. And I still hadn’t yet decided whether or not I was brave enough to eat cuy.

Our final excursions of the early afternoon were to go shopping at La Mariscal craft market and then to Olga Fisch Folklore (Olga Fisch is credited with recognizing the quality of the local, traditional handicrafts and making them popular again) to see local, traditional handicrafts we couldn’t afford. 

One of my favorite things to do when visiting a foreign place I’ve never been to before, besides looking at a Frommer’s guide or searching for information Online, is to see what the locals find important about their own country by looking in the gift shops. Besides the coffee and chocolate and Panama hats and blankets and leather goods and animal masks and humming bird statues that every Ecuadorian store seemed to sell, La Mariscal also introduced me to Oswaldo Guayasamin (who I’ll get to on another day) and the Cucuruchos, whose figurines looked as much like Orko from He-Man as they did the purple Klan. I should probably explain. 

Spain has the tradition of the Capirote, which originated in the Inquisition as a symbol of humiliation (like a dunce cap), and that tradition was carried over into a form of public penance during Easter ceremonies. The same is true with the Cucuruchos, who parade barefoot through Old Town Quito on Good Friday, carrying crosses and flagellating themselves during the procession. The best view of the whole thing is supposedly even at Casa Gangotera. Anyway, the anti-Catholic KKK might have borrowed the costume design for their own super terribleness. I’m guessing American tourists like to buy the figurines of the Purple Klan to shock their friends at home while simultaneously being able to go, “What? It’s not the Klan!” And then pronouncing it ‘la cucaracha’ because everything south of America is Mexico.  

I don’t know. I half-heartedly insisted I wanted to see a real Cucurucho for the rest of the trip. That, and I kept quoting my 2007 Frommer’s guide by saying I wanted to eat at Zazu, “the best and hippest spot in Quito.” Just because I liked saying ‘Zazu’ and also noticed that nobody in Quito thinks that statement about its best-ness or hip-ness is true. 

My sister did tell me that there was a place called Cafe Plaza Grande (right next to Carondelet Palace) that has a Cucurucho serve people ice cream and pose with them for horrifying photos. On the Philadelphia president house reality show, Jeff Sessions and Donald Trump would fucking love that place! Ice cream and the Klan? Jesus. But everyone in my family was adamant that any photo with a Cucurucho could be taken out of context on social media and the whole thing would be a bad idea. It’s for the best. We did buy a bunch of other stuff at the market though. And this concluded Day 3.

[intrepidolivia]

The Killing Moon pt 1

This is for @noodlecupcakes Negan writing challenge!

I had Detective Negan as a prompt... and I realized I cannot make this a one-shot. So now I’m writing another multi-part AU story and I blame her.

Pairing: NeganXOlivia (OC)

Warnings: cursing, discussions of death and violence

Summary: AU! Negan is nursing a hangover, when a girl in trouble knocks on the door of his detective agency, and gives him a case that may well end up his last.

A/N: My inspiration is hard-boiled film noir style detective stories. I hope I did them justice. To be continued, since I can’t seem to stop with the AUs.

    I was hot and I was tired. The first part couldn’t be helped, not with the fucking AC broken (again) during a record-setting heatwave. The second part was all me. I woke up that morning with a nearly empty bottle of Jim Beam and only a vague memory of the night before. Something to do with a silly acronym the kids use nowadays. YONO? YOLO? At the time it seemed pretty profound. That morning I wanted to fucking punch whoever came up with it.

    I sat in my office nursing a cup of black coffee and a headache, hoping for the first time that today would continue the month’s tradition of zero meetings and zero clients. Of course, it didn’t pan out that way. It never did for me. They should rename Murphy’s law to fucking Negan’s law.

    So there I sat, hoping the whole world would just fuck off and leave me to die of my hangover in peace, when someone knocked on the office door.

    I always liked that door. It had one of those frosted glass windows, with Savior Investigations painted on it in gold. Real classy. I never changed a thing when I had to get it replaced from time to time when clients got pissy and had to take a trip through it.

    I could see from the silhouette on the window it was a woman, otherwise I might have crawled under my desk and ignored them. I was in no fucking mood to talk to anyone, but then again I needed capital to keep me in booze. And maybe I got a soft spot for the ladies. Fucking sue me.

    “Door’s open,” I called. Maybe it’s more polite to open the door for someone, but I like staying at my desk and watching people when they come in. You can tell a lot about a client before they even open their mouth by how they enter a room. Their posture, where their eyes dart to first, how they walk. All of it good information. Also I was too fucking hungover to want to move much.

    What watching the client walk into my office told me was this: I was fucked.

    She was on the petite side, with curves that if you were in a car would make you want to hug the road. Her green dress rode her body like it loved her and damn if I could blame it. She had great big emerald eyes set in a soft, cute face with pouty lips. And she was a redhead. Of course she was a redhead. Clearly someone went down a checklist of “Things to Get Negan Into Trouble” when they made her.

    I tried to act like I wasn’t feeling like shit, and leaned forward with my best smile. “Hi there. Welcome to Savior Investigations. Please have a seat.”

    She seemed nervous. It was hard to tell if it was whatever she was consulting a PI about, or if it was me. Apparently I am seen as somewhat intimidating. It’s part of why I stayed seated; the difference between our heights would have made me seem to be looming, which isn’t all that helpful at putting clients at ease.

    The redhead hesitated, glancing around the room before settling on me as the most interesting feature. She shut the door behind her, and sat down. “I… hello. I’ve never consulted a private investigator before. Do I jump right in, or…?”

    “Well, first things first. I’m Negan. Would you like some coffee miss--?” I didn’t think I had a clean mug, but those big eyes gave me plenty of motivation to wash one.

    She blushed, looking down. “I’m sorry, I just--”

    “No need to be nervous,” I assured her. “I don’t bite.” That last bit was a lie. One I couldn’t help hoping she’d find out.

    A little smile. The girl was nervous about something. She fidgeted with her necklace, perched at the edge of her chair, back straight and stiff. No wedding ring, which made me happy. I guessed boyfriend troubles. I almost hoped I could catch him cheating and break her poor little heart. I’d be right there to help sweep up the pieces.

    She took a deep breath and looked up at me. “M-my name is Olivia. Olivia Sullivan. And I think someone is going to kill me.”

    I forgot my hangover.

    Tailing cheating spouses, blackmail issues, insurance fraud… sure, I’d done it all. Even missing persons a time or two, even though those tended to be fucking depressing. But thwarting an assassination attempt? That was a little above my paygrade.

    I laced my fingers on the desk. “Right, well, Miss Sullivan--”

    “Mrs.” she corrected. Damn it all.

    “Mrs. Sullivan,” I continued. “I think maybe what you want is the police.”

    She gave a bitter little laugh, and I knew what she was going to say before she said it. “They don’t believe me.”

    “Fuck,” I said. Hungover, a married woman tailor-made to be my own personal weakness, and a complicated case. See what I mean? Negan’s law. “Well, I guess you should start at the beginning.”

    She nodded, folding her hands on her lap. It didn’t make her look any less tense. “I suppose the beginning was a little over a year ago. My husband was murdered.”

    I winced, feeling shitty. God knew I was more than familiar with how fucking awful it was to lose someone you loved. “I’m sorry.”

    “The police said it was an accident,” she continued softly. “I was--it was in the evening. I had the flu. John decided to walk to the store to get some soup and medicine while I took a nap.” Her voice was empty, the words like a recitation.

I knew the drill. Everyone wants to know the story. Oh, first is the ‘I’m sorry for your loss’ bit. Then they give in to that morbid curiosity. Human nature I guess. So you find yourself repeating the story over and over, until the words lose their meaning, and all the emotion attached retreats down into a little speck of screaming pain you can almost ignore sometimes.

“I didn’t wake up until that morning. I didn’t know where he was. I had a fever, and I was frantic, and--” Her voice cracked.

“It’s okay,” I told her. “Take your time.” I didn’t have tissues, or a handkerchief to offer. I passed her a couple fast food napkins. Better than nothing.

She cleared her throat. “He’d been hit by a car. They drove off. It wasn’t a busy street so no one saw it. And since it was dark out, no one found him until the next day.”

I nodded. “I can understand how fucking awful that must have been, but… A hit and run would probably be prosecuted as manslaughter, not--”

“He was targeted,” she interrupted. The heat in her eyes and voice had me reevaluating her. Interesting. There was a tiger in this lady.

“Alright, go on.”

She reached in her bag and pulled out a manilla envelope. One of those big jobs with the string-closure. It looked like it had seen some rough treatment, and when she handed it to me, whatever was inside was heavy. “I think this is what got my husband killed,” she told me.

I unwound the string, pulling out the contents. Notebooks, paperwork, a few CD-Roms with weird-ass labels.

“I couldn’t stay in our house after--” she looked away, biting her lip.

“Yeah, been there,” I muttered. I guess I was distracted. I didn’t mean to say it, but I was fucking hungover.

I saw the play of thoughts over her pretty face. Confusion, realization. I waited for pity, which was the usual chaser, but she just gave me a little, sad smile and nodded.

“There was a break-in. Day of the funeral. I guess they wanted to be sure no one was in the house. Everything was trashed. They stole the whole safe. A few other things to make it look like a robbery but… they took apart the office. Stole the laptop. All the files in the cabinet.”

I knew where this was going, and I didn’t like it one little bit. “They were looking for something.” I suddenly really, really wanted nothing to do with the pile of shit that was on my desk right then.

“Yes,” she agreed. “His computer at work was wiped as well. His laboratory partner died in a house fire the next week. Along with her husband and kids.”

“Fuck,” I said, because I didn’t have any better response. “The police don’t see this as awfully convenient?”

She gave a frustrated sigh. “There’s perfectly plausible explanations for everything. And I’m a grieving widow looking for someone to blame or some higher meaning.”

I opened one of the notebooks out of curiosity. It looked like next-level science bullshit, so I closed it again. “What did you say your husband did for a living?”

“He was a virologist,” she replied. “He and his partner were researchers.”

The sinking feeling that I’d been getting since she started talking was taking me into all new and undiscovered depths. “And this…?”

Olivia seemed to sense my bad feeling. “I think that’s what they were looking for. When I realized someone was looking for something… John did woodworking. He made a big chest that sat at the end of our bed. The blankets we kept in it were all pulled out, but… When I was cleaning up I noticed the inside seemed smaller than it should have been. I started looking at it, and--”

“False bottom,” I completed. “Simple but effective, I guess. So what then?”

“It was right after that when the fire happened. I… got scared. I was afraid whoever it was might come after me next. The police were no help so I moved. I thought maybe since they didn’t find anything, no one would think I had it.”

I looked at the mess on my desk. I knew the prudent thing to do would be to pack all that shit back in its envelope, give it back to the widow, and ask her to fuck off. This was beyond cheating boyfriends or even missing children. This had ‘bad shit’ written all over it, and was sealed with ‘you’re fucked’ tape.

That’s probably why I was so fucking excited.

“All right, baby. You’ve got my fucking attention. Tell me everything.”

[noodleswithsoba-blog]

A Silver Whirlwind Chapter 4: The Haiironome Angel and The Kure Demons.

Erioh had told the story of the Haiironome Clan for years. Yet, when the other Kure saw Ichiban… he was nothing like the story. Polite, well-mannered, and not recklessly shameless like the story had made them out to be. Karla looked happy. It warmed his heart to see her so proud of the boy wandering around and looking at everything with those odd silver eyes.

He felt the soft silver eyes settle on him, "Oh, you gotta be her Gra- wait wait," he bowed, "It's an honor to meet the esteemed patriarch of the Kure Family! I apologize for my rudeness! I'm Ichiban Tokita!" Ichiban exclaimed. Erioh smiled but still wasn't too sure about the muscular, somewhat air headed boy.

He rose and smiled, "Sorry, I'm not used to being so… fancy," Ichiban mumbled. Erioh quietly nodded, reminded painfully of the boy's mother. How lackadaisical she was. She was ditzy, but one of the kindest people he'd ever met.

"Walk with me, Ichiban," he said. Ichiban fell into step with the old Kure. He liked Erioh so far. They walked outside, the old man was shorter than him, but his eyes told the boy so much.

"Your family lived close to mine for years, even after the scattering," Erioh began, "They were kind, good people. Yet, it wasn't long before they started to grow reckless and steal kills, become self-destructive fools,"

Ichiban listened, his smile fell to a slight scowl.

"So imagine our surprise when a couple moved in, your father was an average man, not very well-spoken or intelligent, but he had a good heart. Your mother was a spirited one and the subject of what you are today," Erioh stated.

"Your style at it's core, if you can call it that, is very empty. Depending on others rather than yourself, many of your family became predictable because they grew too reckless and complacent. There's the reason why they are no more," Erioh stated, "They were a disgrace and died out so the Kure could prosper,"

Ichiban clenched his hands into fists, careful not to stab his palms. 'Calm down… calm down… remember what Karla said… you're doing this for her.' he thought. He tried to keep back his vitriol, but he saw Raian strut up, the massive man leaned down, hand on the wall, looming over the poor kid.

"Hmmm… seems like Karla's lil' boyfriend's got something to say," he growled out, getting into Ichiban's face. Ichiban glared right into those eyes, not allowing him to be cowed. He didn't like this guy, he was giving him a lot of bad vibes.

"Ah, Raian, please wait your turn," Erioh chided calmly, "I'm not done with him yet,"

Raian smiled, "No no, go ahead, I wanna see a Haiironome get ANGRY! Maybe if I mess with Karla…" he ribbed, "Ehhhhhh? Whadddyaa goooonnnnnaaaaaa doooooooo?"

Ichiban tensed, "Sir, let's go," he stated tersely, Erioh nodded and they bailed. Raian's smile didn't fall but he watched the pair go, 'Even if you suck up to him he won't like ya…' Raian thought, 'Been trying for years to break away but… bein' the strongest requires me to stay.'

Ichiban was nervous. More than nervous. Erioh looked at him like he was a subhuman! All he wanted to do was maybe get along with him well enough to where he wouldn't be so scared whenever he'd be with Karla!

Karla always made him feel nice. Like he was a normal teenage boy that just so happened to be a fighter and not a fighter pretending to be normal. She was pretty, and nice, and could fight too! Karla Kure was the girl of Ichiban's dreams!

The only roadblock… was Erioh Kure. He walked by the old man's side.

"Tell me something, Ichiban-kun," Erioh stated.

"Ye-yes, sir?" Ichiban squeaked, 'Shit! He caught me off guard! One wrong move and Master Chiba's gonna have to take over my position 'cause I'll be DEAD!'

"Where have you been all these years? I thought you'd be plucked up by the system," he commented, Ichiban blushed a little and looked away.

"Yeah, I was… until I ran away," Ichiban admitted, remembering how bad the group home he was in was. He ran away a few weeks in, he didn't want to stay a moment longer because he didn't feel like he belonged.

"I didn't feel like I belonged… you know? You have your family, sir. I have… nothing," Ichiban sighed, "I'm just another person's puppet. Someone's proxy. My master Takayuki and I… we're close, but I wouldn't say we're family,"

Erioh blinked, 'How could this boy be so innocently pure? He's not out for status or power, he's not reckless like his ancestors, he's… just a boy.' he thought, a little shocked.

"That's why… I like Karla. She's beautiful, smart, teaches me new things… It shouldn't matter if I belong to a clan of copycats. I barely knew them before you ordered them dead," Ichiban bitterly laughed, "I like Karla. That's the only reason why I'm putting up with this… besides, she's kinda stifled…"

"Stifled? When you have a daughter and a granddaughter, and a great-granddaughter, you'll understand, Ichiban Haiironome!" Erioh snapped harshly. Ichiban just sighed and smiled.

"Please. Just… do it for Karla. You've seen how happy she is around me, and I don't give a shit about my other family members, because they're gone," Ichiban stated. Erioh cooled down and started to laugh.

"Hahaha! There's that fire! So cold, Ichiban!" he chuckled, Ichiban blinked.

"WAH! I-I'm so sorry, sir! It won't happen again! Don't kill me! I didn't mean to! I'd… I'd even… FIGHT A SHARK!" Ichiban was panicking, "I'm gonna have to change my name, move to another country, fake my death and rename myself BONESAW MCGRAW!"

Erioh was laughing his guts out, watching the silver-haired boy panic and rush around, the rest of the Kure were shocked to see their patriarch laughing so hard and so much at the new potential marriage-in that seemed so serious before.

Karla blushed, looking down at her feet as her father grinned a little, "Been there, done that," he stated.

"Shut up!" Erioh snapped, "You have NO ROOM to talk!" Karla's father flinched.

"Eeep! Y-yes sir!" he yelped. Ichiban felt a strong, wizened hand clamp his shoulder.

"Now then, to business," Erioh stated, "Ichiban Haiironome, I will allow you to date my sweet, darling, intelligent little Karla,"

"Really?! Awesome!" Ichiban exclaimed, brightly smiling. Erioh's smile went devilish and Karla paled from what he was about to do.

"If! You follow this condition!" Erioh declared, "If you harm, cheat on, or abandon my sweet Karla, you forfeit your life!" he was grinning and Ichiban thrusted out his hand for Erioh to shake, silver eyes serious and eyebrows down in a determined way.

"It's a deal!" Ichiban declared, "I won't let you down!"

Ichiban ran out of the room, all smiles and a streak of silver energy, "THIS IS THE GREATEST DAY OF MY LIFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEE!" he yelled.

Karla sighed, "I'll go make sure he doesn't smack into anything…"

"LIIIIIIHIIIIIIITTTTTOOOOOOOO! OKUUUUUUUUUBBBBBOOOOOOOOO!" Ichiban yelled, running at the pair full-speed. All smiles. Okubo stopped the full-speed bottle rocket that was Ichiban Tokita.

"Whoa! Easy there, Silver-Boy! What's up? What's gotcha so happy?" he asked.

Lihito saw the happy boy pump his fists, "I can date Karla!" he exclaimed. Lithito paled and Okubo squealed aloud like a middle schooler.

"Eeeee! It's happening!" Okubo squealed, "Hell yeah! That means you got her, man!"

Lihito saw Karla jog up and she grabbed her happy boyfriend by the shoulder, "Oh, Ichiban…" she sighed.

"Huh? What is it, Karla?" he asked.

"Just… that was too easy, and that condition is SUUUUPER broad…" she sighed, "Look, my grandfather just made an agreement with a ton of loopholes,"

Ichiban's happy smile dimmed, "Oh… I messed up, didn't I?" he asked.

"What?! No… you did amazingly… just… I want you to be careful, Ichi, okay?" she assured him, "I know you're happy and I am too, it's… just kinda hard when your relatives other than the black sheep and your great grandfather want you to date someone,"

"Heh… I wish I had a big family like yours…" Ichiban sighed as Lihito and Okubo shoved off to give them some space. Karla grabbed his hand.

"I don't need a big family, I just wanna be a normal girl for once," she sighed, "And you help me feel like that,"

"I do?" Ichiban asked. Karla nodded, at this point they were sitting on the deck together, her head resting against his shoulder. He smiled and looked up at the night sky.

"I'm scared, Ichiban…" Karla admitted, "I love you, but… If I know my grandfather… he'll set you up to fail,"

"Karla… I'm not scared. I've been training all my life for this, whatever your grandfather has in store for me… I'll take it on headfirst!" Ichiban exclaimed, grabbing her hands and smiling widely.

Karla smiled, "An' you know what? If I lose…" Ichiban was cut off by a sweet, gentle kiss. Ichiban was pushed away a little bit.

"Ichiban, I promise… if you lose… we'll run away. Me and you, happy and free," Karla stated. Ichiban blinked and looked wonder-struck.

"Really?!" he gasped, "You do that?!" Karla nodded and laid her head on his lap. The stars twinkled and shined up above like some natural lightshow. The ribbon of sea was black, ever flowing and changing. The island was ahead and Ichiban felt nervous.

Scared that one wrong move would end him. Still… the island was still a few days off. He saw so many stars above them, whizzing and shining and dancing like Van Cough's Viridescent Sky. It didn't matter if she was a Kure, it didn't matter that Ichiban was a Haiironome.

They were under the same sky, with her laying in his lap, peaceful. Nothing could ruin this. They were just enjoying the little moments. The small moments before Ichiban was thrown into hell.

[likeabulletyoucanhurtme]

"I ATEN'T DED"  Do you hate people who chew with their mouth open? I do. I hate them and I hate their guts and all their other fleshy parts too... ihateyourgutsshitihateyousomuchihopeyousufferasmallpapercut Do you get frequent backaches? At this point I don't know if it's frequent backaches or just one backache that has infrequent pauses Do you make your lunch, or does your mother? Or do you buy it? I make extra breakfast and put it in my lunchbox to consume later Would you try to rescue a beached whale? I would never be anywhere near a beach where a whale might be beached, but if it happens then I'm gonna pitch in beachedwhalessingtheirsongsoncestrongbutnowweakweareslavestoourowndreams Do you even care what happens to it? I do. I would. Imagine just swimming about living your best whale life and suddenly there's too much sun and people. Like I know land and beaches have been in relatively the same space and whales should know where they're going by now. But like I too do not wanna be stuck on a beach, I can sympathise with my aquatic friend Are you materialistic or superficial? I measure my life by materialistic goals, however I realise that these things are very superficial themselves and do not judge others who do not have these things iamaweaponofmassiveconsumptionitsnotmyfaultitshowimprogrammedtofunction Do you look in the mirror too often? Only when I'm brushing my hair or teeth tbh. whenyoulookinthemirroranddontlikewhatyouseeyoucanfindoutfirsthandwhatitsliketobeme How hard is it for you to speak up? Kinda. I let a lot of shit slide because I don't care much or am too scared What U.S. states have you visited? Florida. And I don't think I blew any whistles either youjustputyourlipstogetherandwellstartrealslow Do you enjoy being angry? It is quite cathartic sometimes itscooltohate Do you think you might avoid happiness simply cause you aren’t used to it? I don't avoid happiness I just don't experience it so often Are you brutally honest? Sometimes Do you think you could change a person? Nah, I don't think I'd keep up the effort How important is your virginity to you? Why is it important? It wasn't, and if it had been up to me I'd have gotten rid of it a lot sooner tbh Do you ever go on Yahoo! Answers? It is important to only go there with the proper precautions, full hazmat suit and brain bleach at the ready Do you love the music on Sims 2? I've never played it What’s the worst kind of music? Jazz or blues isingthebluesandswallowedthemtoo Do you think people who drive big Ford trucks are rednecks? No, I don't think they have any shame at all When somebody tailgates you, do you slow down to fuck with them? I walk so fast that no-one can tailgate me How prone are you to road rage, anyway? I don't drive so idc yougivemeroadrageracingthroughthebestdays When somebody wants to move in front of you do you speed up or let them in? I speed up because I hate people walking in front of me youdriveonmyassyourfootsonthegasandyournextbreathisyourlast Are you passive or assertive? I usually don't care that much about most things What’s one characteristic that could make you lose respect for somebody? idk I probably don't have a lot of respect for them anyway Do you think world peace is possible? Nope. Human nature is too volatile foreverymanwhowantstoruletheworldtherelivesamanwhojustwantstobefree Wouldn’t you think the world is not as interesting if there was world peace? Our differences is what makes us interesting, however we don't need wars to end our disagreements Do you procrastinate? idk what to put here so I'll answer it later Are you obnoxious or calm? idk I'm pretty chill I hope Do you suffer from depression or bipolar disorder? I don't suffer from depression I enjoy every minute of it! Nah but fr I might have some form but I've never been so bad that they've tested me Would you ever have a natural home birth with no epidural? Nope. Medical advances are a thing yo I'd get so medically high But then again, I don't have a womb so... Are you planning on entering a medical or science career? I have no plans for entering any careers tbh How do you feel about people that don’t believe in god? They are the best cunts :) How are your beliefs better? Why do you believe in them? Because mine don't make me live in fear of a burny fire, or tell people they're going to one if they do something slightly different buttheresnoonetosavemeyeahbecauseiknowgodisalie Do you not really care what you look like? Of course I care. I'm not so conceited as to thinking I look good, but I'd rather be caught dead than looking like something I'm not Do you like sexist/racist/homophobic jokes? I have a very dark sense of humor, but most of these jokes I've heard so I just find them boring/predictable now Do you take life too seriously? Not really. Which is weird cause there's literally nothing else I'll do that could mean more How do you feel about tomato sauce with chunks of tomato? I feel that that is unnecessary and why would you Do people think you look like either of your parents? Does that offend you? I've never been told that so people probably don't think that. Do you prefer regular bacon or turkey bacon? I've never had turkey bacon Are you more of a talker or a listener? I'm probably too shy to talk, but if I'm drunk then I'll go on and at tangents and repeat myself Do you interrupt when people talk? Only idiot customers Do you think it’s weird when people talk to their pets like people? Nah, it's only weird if they're getting an answer Where do most of your relatives live? In their houses What is the last place, other than home, that you stayed overnight? A friends couch where I was led drunk after being told I can't walk 9 miles home from town at 3am on a Saturday night Would you ever buy a motorcycle? Nah, too noisy and annoying. Unless it's in Vice City tho Does your door have to be closed in order for you to sleep? No. It has to be closed so that the shadow monster in the hall doesn't eat me whilst I'm sleeping Do you have anything other than posters or pictures on your walls? I have a fake street sign :) Have you ever ridden a train? I have ridden several Have you ever done something you told yourself you’d never do? Probably but I can't think of anything specific atm Have you ever lived in another country? Not for more than two weeks at a time Are you tattooed? Or does it freak you out? I have one and I kinda forget about it sometimes tbh Are you pierced? If so, where? Nope iwannapiercemybrain Are attracted to or put off by people who are heavily pierced or tattooed? Depends on if it suits them or not Have you done anything productive today, anyway? I woke up (on time!!) worked from home, read some more of a story online, organised an Amazon list && did my daily challenge on Temple Run 2 Eaten anything delicious today? I had beans&&sausage with my dinner <3 Have you ever taken in a stray animal? Nope How do you feel about marriage? Ever been close? I was close but now, naahhh Are you confident in your appearance? I'm confident I look hella shite Do you enjoying taking pictures? Only at gigs Do you take pictures of THINGS, or are you just a camera whore? I have no selfies on my phone Do you believe in “the one” or “soulmates”? Nopers Have you ever dated someone simply for their looks? Nope, my type has always been people that are into me lol What about dating someone simply because you felt too bad to say no? Like above, if people are into me then that attracts me. Like I've never went out with or dated anyone that I didn't know already fancied me too Are you eating anything right now? No Does any food always make you sick but you love it too much to not eat it? Nah I just need to control my portion size and realise that I can't/probably shouldn't eat a full tray of lasagne at once How do you feel about alcohol? Love it tbh AAstandsforalcoholisawesome Have you ever been drunk? I have been drunk, tipsy, a few sheets to the wind, pished as a fart, and black out drunk before maybeillgetdrunkagantofeelalittlelove Do you like orange juice with pulp? Why would you want to put solid things in a drink? Are you trying to choke? Do you want something the consistency of puke?? Do you scream for ice cream? Nah, I scream for nihilistic reasons Which orange came first; the color or the fruit? The fruit evolved first but was possibly called something else wherever it was growing before europeans ((probably the british tbh)) invaded the land, enslaved the people and renamed their fruit after a colour What is your dream job? idk, I don't know what I could do well enough to earn money without hating it Have you ever experienced a natural disaster? No but I'm surviving a pandemic atm Do you feel bad when bad things happen to other people? Or do you not care? If you don’t, do you feel guilty about that? Not really. Why, should I? I mean sucks to be you but it wasn't my fault and shit happens because life isn't fair and I think I have negative empathy Aren’t you a little nervous about posting photos online? I only post photos to where people I know can see them. Or photos which are unidentifiable as me ;) Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental illness? Nope

[jcladeira]

My paintings for Spring 2017

Initially, this was meant to be a continuation of last semester’s project, but I decided to get a little more political. I will now describe them in the order that they are presented.

She-Wolf - The simplest and least politically charged of my works. This painting of a snarling wolf is meant to be a representation of myself as the artist. To put it simply I have been associated with the term ‘she-wolf’ for as long as I can remember. She’s snarling because she’s angry, and she’s angry because the world is in shambles. I has become such that everything one does is politicized, even if one does not intend to, and because everything one does is politicized it’s impossible to go through life without having to constantly defend ones position, especially if that position is to be non-political.

#LoveTrumpsHate - But Love is Hate. This work is very simple; my reaction to all the people on social media who made use of this hashtag after the election of Donald Trump as our president. My personal opinion on the matter of Donald VS Hillary will remain omitted from this series, but my personal opinion of the copious amount of hypocrites that used that ‘hashtag’ was extracted from my soul and immortalized on the canvas as a very Valentine’s Day themed she-wolf who appears to not be at all pleased with that Hashtag. 

#Halfie - A halfie is a term used by various ethnic groups in reference to those of their culture who are often mixed, usually with white racial groups. In the Romani language, the word for a person who is half-blooded is didikai and other groups have their own personalized words but I chose halfie because it is a little more universal and doesn’t require a translation for the intended audience. I digress. This work is another simple work with a straight forward message. Our country being so racially charged, it’s so often become White America VS Black America. It’s gotten me thinking; what about the halfies? Many times we’re either so dark we might as well be full blooded and embrace the color in our veins while pretending the whiteness doesn’t exist, or we’re so light people think we have it easier by default, that we somehow have more privilege than those of us a shade or two darker with the same 50/50 split. This particular painting is very literally a big F-You to those of you who say either one, because at the end of the day both of those statements imply erasure of a part of mixed race identity, each one a state of being mixed that comes with it a certain nuance that is not so simple as how dark or light we are. For a lot of us none of this shit even matters.

Butts Exist, Get Over It - Another fairly simple one, if a bit niche. Across the video game industry the topic of sexism has become one of particularly hot debate, with leading voices in modern day feminism weighing in on research that would suggest that video games promote sexism. Specifically, there is current buzz, it’s mostly dying now, about BUTTS. In other words, the most recent reason why ‘video games are sexist’ is because, supposedly females in video games have unneeded emphasis placed upon their posteriors, primarily in promotional material. However, there is no conclusive evidence that would even remotely suggest such a thing is the case, and all examples provided by so called ‘feminist gaming researchers’ have been not only contested by gamer developers themselves, but also by the millions of gamers, male and female, who are rather furious that their hobby is being attacked by people with a political agenda, who have very literally no idea what the hell they are talking about. Butts Exist, Get Over it.

Where’s The Fire? - Not much to say on this one. It is my final piece, but because of the way Tumblr posts photos and I want to keep things looking aesthetically pleasing (my paintings certainly aren’t) I’ll talk about it second to last. This on is probably the simplest one, and because it was the last painting it was meant to be what wrapped up my series. Where’s the Fire, no symbolic image, just a flame with Fire and a question mark inside it. Is the question mark on fire to symbolize a burning question? Or is it symbolic of how these days asking questions, digging too deep, or even just asking the wrong questions can get you burned down to nothing like we suddenly renamed the planet Salem? Nope. Where’s the fire? That is my question to people, because to me, it seems like the western world is obsessed with a lot of really small paper bags on fire at their doorstep, while the rest of the world is a smoldering dumpster fire sitting in the middle of a volcano, except those paper bags aren’t on fire, but they’re still filled with shit.

One Flag, Not One Mind - I am a bisexual woman, though really if it’s human, above the legal age and can tolerate me playing video games at ungodly hours of the night in order to combat my crippling depression, I’m open for it really. Point is, I am a member of the LGBTQ community, a proud member who has studied our history in this country and who is very, very aware of the struggles we have had to face, and the varying nuances of those struggles as they play off of race, and gender. To me, ‘united we stand, divided we fall’l has never been more applicable. However, it would appear that division occurs for even the most minor of slights against what is the status quo. For a community that prides itself on its sense of going against the grain it seems that those within the community that choose to do so are considered pariahs and all but excommunicated. We might have one flag, but we don’t have one mind.