#I am mentally ill 😭👍

[vanillabat99]

I booked an appointment with my doctor for early April!! I highly doubt the bump will go away by then, as it has been there for a couple months. If anything it seems to be getting worse ._.

There's nothing on the surface of my skin where it is, it's not in a spot that would make sense to me for a muscle injury, it's firm, and it's painful. I have no idea what could've caused it. I need to get some sleep before I start panicking over "what if" scenarios... I really hope it's nothing serious :(

[cryptidapprentice]

maaaannnnn

[akaakeis]

sav the terriblest thing has happened......... i joined english coaching.............

okay its not that bad the guy was my ninth grade english teacher and hes kind of a w

i also found out my current english teacher is mentally ill and not one of her students got 90+ in english like..

#notmepls

ANYWAYS

this Means that i shall be offline when ur usually first online during the day on sundays tuesdays and thursdays throws up

ive alr been so busy and i was like omg #textingsav and then i realised we probably wont talk today and also the only time we'll talk is

wait omg no school tmr we WILL talk tmr which will be ur today

the way im just. rambling in ur inbox but its ok bc ur u and im me #neverdoingthisanywhereelse

next thing . wait i forgot im remembering

oKAY remembered 👍 ERM i got like a. 68 on my english test and apparently this mentally ill woman marked it wrong and i shouldve gotten an erm. wait calculating. at least an 88 LIKE GIRL WHAT THE FREAKKKKKKKKK

in other news erm why i cried in the last four days list .

i love my sister

i love my friends

english grade

teacher yelled at me

there was no garlic bread at home

i got disconnected from dti

i didnt want to get up and change

the electricity cut off five times and i couldnt play genshin properly

tumblr wasnt loading

86 eighty-six

hashtag periods i love periods

in other news i also love maths like i WAS a maths girl i AM a maths girlie i will always BE a maths girlie it is THE subject of all time and if anyone disagrees then they're wrong (unless it's u because what can i say. i always agree with cute girls🤷‍♀️)

also like i said id tell you about the smau but literally erm. i forgot.. what was supposed to happen.. i have two lines ill dm them to u or something 😭😭😭😭 WAIT I JUST REMEMBERED SOMETHING ELSE AND THEN I FORGOT IT IM GOING TO SOB.

OH YES spilling school tea

our chem teacher used to tutor this one girl and he flirted with her mom at 1am on wahtsapp and facebook and then his wife divorced him😭😭

this one girl's picture got taken. like a norm picture. and then her bf and some people fought over it. like physically. at coaching. LOL INSANE

english physics and chemistry departments of our school are failing everyone is underpaid and leaving

my english teacher is senile but we mentioned that already i think

ANYWAYSSSS UNINTENTIONAL YAP ASK I LITERALLY JUST CAME HERE TO SAY IM MORE BUSY THAN BEFORE LMFAO. look where we are. oh omg im so #scared #excited #terrified for us w/o u part 2 thats flipping SCARY IM SCARED anyways how are u? feel free to yap in the answers if u do answer it and uhhh take care stay safe love u mwa mwa dm me whenever

LINA MY LOVE!! this is gonna be long i fear. oh dear.... ok so english coaching is not fun good luck with that 😕

well at least the guy is cool ‼️

im sorry but lowkey... #wbk about that one i fear!! I ALWAYS THOUGHT SHE WAS A LITTLE MENTALLY ILL? IS THAT JUST ME OR

anyway if u dont get 90+ in english send her my way I WILL FIGHT FOR YOUR GRADE SO HARD you deserve a good grade!!! i can tell you've been putting in the effort + im proud of u!!1!!1!1

NOOOOOO WE WONT BE ABLE TO TALK AS MUCH 🙁 lwt me think so today is thursday and youll be on on mondays wednesdays fridays + saturdays as normal presumably? THATS OKAY i usually wake up latw on thursdays because i sleep late and its a whole mess... i was nearly late this morning harhar ANYWAY POINT BEING WE WILL STILL BE ABLE TO TALK TO WE'LL BE GOOD

girl me too <//3 was so locked in on tuesday you should've seen me writing my article for the magazine + writing out the rest of my speech and finalizing ITS SO BUSY RN ICB IT

these timezones are confusinf me hello i am so lost as i read this! 12 hrs apart w you ahead is all ik regarding this

ANYWAY WE WILL FIND TIME AND WE WILL MAKE IT WORK ITLL JUST TAKE A MINUTE FOR ME TO FIGURE IT OUT

its okay i live laugh love for ur asks actually im sitting in my room smiling as i type out this reply to ur ask... inbox yap hour MY FAV

A 68 IS ACTUALLY INSANE GOODBYE how did she screw up the grade so bad 😭 she can catch these fists for that one LIKE HOW DO U GET IT 20% OFF THIS IS NOT A CLEARANCE SALE MISS!!

HELP all of these reasons are equally valid 😞 periods really get me fucked up fr i think im about to get mine too smh

that is SO valid lina math is honestly a good subject 🙂‍↕️ not my fav but i honestly enjoy the class cause it's 1) simple for me 2) my tablemates are so odd to the point of being hilarious and 3) my teacher is gay and we found his grindr profile so i always giggle when i think about that HAHDBDN so math class is just heaps of fun

NOOOO I WAS SO EXCITED TO HESR ABT THE SMAU U NEED TO SEND ME THE TWO LINES U HAVE SOON!!1!!1!1 STOP I HATE WHEN THAT HAPPENS BUT IT HAPPENS TO ME SO OFTEN ITS AWFUL

ok THE CHEM TEACHER??? wow okay so thats crazy! HIS WIFE DIVORCING HIM TOO PLEASE SO DESERVED everyone point and laugh!!! L man!!!!

HELP WHY WERE THEY EVEN FIGHTING IF IT WAS JUST A NORMAL PICTURE THATS SO WILD?? 😭 like guys its not that deep </3

WHAT. so like is this hyperbole or is literally everyone going to leave bc of being underpaid and whatnot CAUSE THATS SO BAD 

senility✊😞 what a trooper/j

ITS OKAY I ENJOYED READING ALL OF THAT!!!  PLEASE PRIORITIZE ALL YOUR STUDIES THEYRE THE MOST IMPORTANT <3 I HOPE YOU DONT BURN OUT FROM BEING MORE BUSY THAN BEFORE BC I KNOW I DEFINITELY DID WHEN I HAD VOLLEYBALL.. SO TAKE THINGS EASY AND DONT STRESS YOURSELF TOO MUCH PLEASE!!! ILY ILY ILY!! oh okay so us without me pt 2 is probably gonna be BAD BAD cause it will b talking about how he was actually in love w eden since BEFORE he had moved and all that so itll be extra angst talking about before he had moved 😸 basically timeskips briefly showing how he gives you less and less affection as the time he leaves draws near AHAHAH ITS GONNA BE BAD

+ im alright!!! no homework for once in a blue moon so im sitting here relaxing i feel so good rn <3 i have an iced matcha latte and a cake pop I AM LIVE LAUGH LOVING

so i dont have much to yap about at this moment but i just got back from school SOOOO ill yap about that!!

starting off strong i woke up an hour + 15 mins late and had 20 minutes to get ready and eat... i was almost late this morning BUT i have fitness first thing in the morning on my a-days (we work on an a/b schedule!!) and my teacher always comes late to that!! so i had time to dress down and i BOOKED IT to the weight room + made it!! in that class we basically just do weightlifting + my usual partner wasnt there bc she had a golf tournament... so i was with some of my other friends for lifting!! was kinda thriving bc my other partner usually does heavier weights + they did lighter ones SO I WAS REALLY REALLY FAST W MY SETS i was very proud!!

then i went into second period (i have bio) and we were doing a lab where we examined some cells in onions, tomatoes, + the inside of our cheeks (ew) but basically we had to group up and im not rly fond of one of the girls that r in my group cause she doesn't talk much she just squeezes in to look through the microscope so it annoys me 😞 ANYWAY THE LAB WAS LIGHT WORK GOT IT DONE IN 30 MINS and then i had like an hour of free time after that so i asked for a hall pass and i roamed the halls for a bit 😸 after that i have to go to advisory + i was just helping people w math hw and doing some of the nyt games to kill my boredom (oh and drivers ed stuff!!)

at lunch i was just sitting with some of my friends and playing imessage games with them 😭 then we went into the gym and played volleyball for a bit!!

after lunch i had geo and i was taking notes like a madman i fear... dk if ive said this before but like ohhh man everyone makes a point of telling me how small my hand writing is its so annoying 😭 i heard that three times during class today and i was literally done LIKE STOP LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE ‼️

theeeen i had my speech + debate CLASS not to be confused with my club!! i already finished my oratory so i just played games the entire period 😻 lots of fun would recommend!!! i just hate the teacher cause he's always telling me to go back to my seat WHEN IM HELPING HIS STUDENTS CATCH UP ON WORK like ok! sorry for trying to help you fix the mistakes you made when teaching them how to make their speeches! goodness! my bad! anyway hes my opp 😒

AND THATS MY DAY!! anyway take care stay safe i love you!!! MWAHH <3

[eyesxxyou]

YOUR ACCOUNT IS SUCH A SAFE PLACE FOR ME I MEAN I CAN LITERALLY WRITE HERE MY MOST SICK THOUGHTS ABOUT HOBIE AND NO ONE WILL TAKE IT AS IF I WAS METALLY ILL (i am) 🙏😭 BYE HAVE A GOOD DAY/NIGHT

We're all mentally ill here ur good 😊👍

[pinkkittysaw]

HI I DON’T WANT TO PUT ALL OF THE EMOJIS BUT I WANT TO KNOW ALL OF THEM FOR YOUR ASK GAME THX 🤝

MY DEAREST SAINT ty for giving me the space to be mentally ill about my beloved(s)

i’m answering these for clive since i’m the most mentally ill about him right now 👁️👁️

answers will be under the cut due to length (and some embarrassment)

🥺: how long have you two been together?

about four to five years or so

❤️: any talk of marriage?

not in any official capacity. though vows may have been whispered to each other on a particularly romantic evening. our souls are both intertwined for the rest of eternity ^_^

🕊️: any pets?

TORGAL!!!!!!! the most loyal and fluffy hound in all of valisthea. so warm and cuddly. such a good boy. i enjoy feeding him lots of treats. clive’s heart always aches seeing the two of us snuggled up together napping.

i also have a habit of caring for any strays that wander about

🫂: do you two live together?

yes!

💌: if yes to the last question - how long?

technically we’ve been living in the same place together since he arrived to the hideaway but we didn’t start sharing chambers together til a short while after we starting dating.

💭: where did you two meet?

the infirmary 😭 i was working as an apprentice under tarja at the time and aided in tending to jill when cid brought her in.

after completing my training i started going on assignments as a healer and would often join clive n co. 😌

🥰: have you met their family? have they met yours?

i have!!! i’ve met joshua, jill, his uncle and his mother (unfortunately). did not get to meet his father before his passing, sadly (RIP TO A DILF 😔)

i simply do not have living family in most of my selfships 😭😭 so he has not met any of my relatives

😜: who is the silly one who jokes and laughs a lot?

definitely me 😔 it’s always 50/50 on whether my jokes hit or not.

clive is funny but it’s always unintentional (whereas i’ll put in effort to make people laugh) he’ll do or say something and get a giggle out of me and be like ???

😯: have you two ever taken a road trip/vacation?

not intentionally. we’ve traveled lots of places but never for leisure because we’re both such busy bees. if we’re both not out on assignments we’re usually still working. i spend most of my time in the infirmary than not.

that being said, i do make note of all the scenic places we visit to bookmark them for when more peaceful times come. the first place i’d want us to go to together is the sea. i feel the most at peace there.

😠: what’s the worst fight you’ve had?

we both have a habit of running into danger especially when the other’s life is at stake heh heh i’d say the worst outburst was during one particular scare clive gave me with his injuries.

after patching him up i became sort of passive aggressive towards him and when he calls me out on it i kind of blow up about how he can be really reckless sometimes, that i understand the importance of destroying the mother crystals but his safety will always be most important to me (as selfish as it is) and it ends up with me sobbing in his arms crying about how if anything ever happened to him i don’t know if i could go on.

obviously he’s very powerful but i can’t help but worry!!!!!!

navigating our relationship with our joint trauma sure has been interesting 👍

🤑: who has the worst spending habit?

me 😔

clive is a man of necessity for the most part and while i’m not reckless per-say, if i’m out and have the money to buy a little trinket i probably will 😭

❤️‍🔥: how does your love languages differ?

tbh i don’t know which love language of mine is the one that i need most so honestly idk!!! 😭 i am the most greedy for love angel throughout the heavens

imo, clive is big on words of affirmation. gentle reminders that he’s not actually the big bad monster he often thinks he is. just sticking by him throughout everything means a lot.

😽: who likes pda?

we both do! though clive is more reserved than i. i kinda get in fits where i’m overwhelmed with energy and need to melt into him like butter and crawl all over him. there’s no containing me at that point.

though most of the time in public it’s just me holding him from behind or hugs. his embrace is always really comforting and calming and he always indulges me ^_^

though he won’t initiate kisses in front of others cause it makes him embarrassed. i’m always the one pressing a chaste kiss to his lips after finishing up in the dining hall, leaving him in his flustered state with the rest of our dining companions.

🛏️: who stays up late? goes to bed early?

depends on the day tbh. i’m the one who usually tries to go to sleep early, since i love mornings. sometimes we’re both up late working, or plagued with thoughts of the past. i usually fall asleep before he does regardless of what time it is while he keeps a watchful eye over my sleeping form.

😘: any pet names they call you? you call them?

clive and i are both chronic calling each other by their name type people 😭

but in more intimate settings, he’ll call me angel and i’ll let a baby or two slip out

👄: talk about your first or best kiss thus far

first kiss!! first kiss!!!

okay so it wasn’t long before we started dating. he had gotten injured while he was out and had to visit the infirmary. tarja wasn’t in and i was the only one running things. he had a few gashes that needed to be stitched as well as a few abrasions.

after 13 long years of fighting, i was the first gentle and “loving” touch he had. we’d friends for a short while at that point, some mutual pining going on though neither of us were acting on it.

at that point he was still in the mentality of not thinking he was deserving of any kindness due to what happened in his past. so when i come around gently stitching up his and tending to his other wounds, he’s taken aback. plus i may have been chastising him on being more careful cause there’s people around the hideaway (me) who worry for his safety and bla bla bla.

basically he gets overwhelmed with feeling and doesn’t know how to deal with it other than pulling me for a kiss. (mid stitch mind you!!! he was lucky no further damage was caused)

🖼️: who decorates the house?

both our stuff is has a place in our chambers but i’m the one who decides what goes where

[todayisawthewhxlewxrld]

I KNEW I FORGOT TO TAG 🫠 i was full on sobbing while i was typing and as soon as i finished i just sent it without the tag 😭I LOVE THAT YOU COULD STILL TELL IT WAS ME THOUGH WKDNWKWN (maybe thats just cause i end every ask with “BYEBYE ILYSM💗💗”)

OMGOMG ALSO!! i found my flute 😋 turns out i just left it in the band room 💀 and not at safeway thankfully 😭

speaking of safeway I HATE HOW HIGH THE SHELVES ARE 😭 i spent like 10 minutes yesterday climbing a shelf for a fucking WATERMELON ARIZONA. WHO DECIDED TO PUT THE ARIZONAS ON THE TOP SHELF AND AT THE VERY BACK⁉️ AND C WAS JUST STANDING THERE WATCHING ME STRUGGLE AS IF HES NOT TALLER THAN ME 😭 he fr just stood there while i climbed the shelf for HIS DRINK when he couldve just climbed it himself and it wouldve taken him like half a second. the problems of being a short person 😔 (i’m not short im 5’3 which I GUESS is short but i like to believe im tall👍)

WOW I YAP TOO MUCH WODNEJ😭 also omg i love halloween so much‼️ dressing up is so much fun like i love looking cute 🤩 last year i was a fairy (basic i know) BUT THE DRESS WAS SO CUTE I WANNA WEAR IT AGAIN‼️ omg whats your favorite tv show??

THATS ALL FOR TODAY BYEBYE ILYSM 💗💗

-bambi

THAT AND most of the time i can tell ppl apart from the way they type/text

OMG YAYYY SO GLAD U FOUND UR FLUTE AND IT WASNT ACTUALLY AT SAFEWAY LOL

no deadass like why does ANY store make their shelves so damn tall i am a short man (also 5'3 twins!) do u want to see me climb these shelves like a fucking jungle gym . BYE NOT C JUST STANDING THERE LMFAOAOOAOA he likes to see u suffer ig.

U DONT YAP TOO MUCH STOP THIS MADNESS! but omg a fairy how cute last year i was ash from fantastic mr fox lolz but HMMMM probably nge (clearly.) BUT if i dont count that perhaps skins (mental illness)

BYEBYE ILYMMM

[icarianarts]

Sorry everyone I’m going to like wipe my ask box and turn it off for a bit 😭👍 I am simply very paranoid and mentally ill right now

[abimee]

as someone who had to go to college bc it was the only conceivable way for me to escape an abusive environment, striaght up: dont go to college. your post is so true, if youre mentally ill (or physically ill, esp chronically) No One Gives A SHIT. i had an incident where i had to go to urgent care i was so sick and my professor was still like "Well. you need to show up to class or youre absent. if you have 2 absences, you fail automatically." so i had to show up half-dead. no one helps you. im also bipolar and went to my college's counselor for help and while she was a lovely woman she didnt support me much there she didnt know much about the disorder. the only way i was able to graduate was bc i was getting an art degree and making things i was already going to make anyway, if that makes sense, and ironically my anxiety disorder was helpful but oh my god it was so bad for my mental health!! so bad and awful!!

tldr: fuck everybody who starts berating you college sucks and theyre all fucking ableist as hell AND on TOP of that it is just such a classist ass money pit and its Not Fucking Worth It

THIS IS EXACTLY HOW IT IS and its SO FUNNY when people tell me to ''get a scholarship'' because news flash asshole; scholarships expect things from you like Bs in all your classes and to actually gaduate, when I can barely pull it together for a B in a class im GOOD AT in HIGHSCHOOL.

I WAS ALSO IN SPECIAL EDUCATION! My math class only went up to a 6th grade level, I never did pre-algebra! I dont even know how to go calculus or trig or any math involving letters and complex systems because my own highschool special education classes didnt teach me it because I wasnt capable enough for it yet! So even if i try to go into college on a scholarship theyll definitely revoke mine and make me pay for it in full once I have a manic episode and stop showing up for a week and then come back and have to tell my teachers ''yeah i never learned any of this in highschool. i was smoking cigarettes in dugouts instead of going to class''

like i am just Not someone who will make it through college unless they give me 30 different accomodations because I already dont have the money to deal with my Mysterious Body Proclems and my severe mixed bipolar that sends me into hysterics monthly in rapid cycles. Not to mention in highschool they found out that i just literally cannot learn in your typical school setup of sitting in a classroom with other people but they wont allow me to do homeschooling/online classes because im so Bipolar that if im left by myself for a long periods of time i may hurt myself. So im literally the most physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially unfit person for college 😭👍 AND I DONT EVEN HAVE ANYTHING I WANNA GO TO SCHOOL FOR!!! IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH AT ART FOR AN ART DEGREE, I CANT DO MATH, I AM TOO MENTALLY UNSTABLE FOR THINGS LIKE SOCIAL OR RELIGIOUS STUDIES, ETC.

Literally just a crockpot of unwell yet every time people find out i never went to college they act like im some dead end loser destined for nothing like gee thanks this makes me feel way better about myself, i bet you love making me feel bad from your ivory tower because you think im just lazy and not a literal psychotic threat to myself on every level. drives me MAD!

[emeraldoo]

uh hey am still emeraldo. i deleted my blog on accident um. whatever pinned post time

emeraldo, shiver, bastion, bb, i have a lot of nicknames n stuff so idrc what you call me xd

i am an alterhuman, i am a maned wolf. RAAGGGH or whatever noise they make XD

he/him, xe/xem, it/its

male? idk and frankly i dont care just don't call me a girl 👍trans

gay, men and nbs. exclusively t4t tho. also very hyperromantic lol and asexual!!

adhd, autism, gad, idk probably some other shit im mentally i'll 💀

splatoon. squids even. i basically only post abt Splatoon on here so if u want something else i probably have a sideblog for it

im a did system, i have a few other alters (em, miles, edward[its a bit confusing on names so, i am bastion, the one that sometimes posts and is like weird is em, and the one is a gatekeeper/protector named miles, edward is an introject of gotham edward]) so ill try to tag their posts as #alterposting

literally always looking for mutuals, esp now since i have a fresh blog 😭

if you want to see my actual posts, go to #emeraldo slay posting

EMOJI CODE FOR ALTERS!!

☘️ - Bastion, Official owner of this account, Host/Core

🧪 - Em, @riddlekid, prosecutor

🎃 - Jon, Fictive/Protector, @just-dr

👤 - Miles, Protector

🩸 - Cornelius, Fictive/Prosecutor

[voxtism]

I'm having a crisis instead of doing my final project which is due the day after tomorrow 👍 we’re one minor inconvenience away from a full panic attack tonight boys ‼️ why the fuck do my teachers assign big final projects three days before finals week ⁉️ theyre due on Monday and I am losing my mind- we also have an inspection of our apartment on Monday so I spent part of today desperately cleaning my room which I haven’t cleaned in .... uhhhh ... 4? 5? 6 months?????? idk man it was Awful.... it took two hours of cleaning and picking up clothes and trash and dishes to reach the FLOOR 😭 except for the pathway I kick through every day to get to my bed and back, my room was impossible to walk through. um please do not call me gross/weird for it though I have been incredibly mentally ill and cleaning my room takes so much time and energy :(( anyway I am going to scream my fucking head off I hate my teachers ‼️

[madscientistsassistant]

INTRODUCTION POST!! yayy

Guhh idk how to start this but my name is dexter but i also go by henry :-) my pronouns are he/it and im 15. Im interested in a lot of things but mostly the goofy movies and killer klowns from outer space rn, besides this i am and have been hyperfixated on TLOU(all media + i dont support the creators of the games at all), anything that has to do with ryan gosling 😭, slasher movies, vampire stuff, and theres probably a few more beyond that. I struggle with ASD and other mental health related things and i dont have a lot of motivation so pleaasee be patient with me if we interact with each other !

Like my bio says ive got basic dni's like homophobes, transphobes, racists, proshippers and comshippers, and anyone over like 25?? Honestly anyone over 18 is on pretty thin ice considering im a minor but dont be weirdos, also zionists dni u guys suck nutsack 🇵🇸🇵🇸

As for commissions theyre definitely open so please commission me if thats something youre interested in, ill be making a separate post to talk about this and show some of my art 👍

Thats it probably idk

[riewritten]

💛🍪🏳️‍🌈

 💛 do you have any piercings?

only the lobe because in my country, mothers could opt to pierce their infant's ears 😭 (but now that i think of it, i'd be scared shitless if my ear were to be pierced when i'm already in full consciousness. thank you, mama)

🍪 If you were a cookie, what kind would you be?

this one. because i'm soft. and i would like to be something i love to eat. and also my mom is having difficulty eating hard food now. im taking a liking to soft food, too, so we could eat them together :)

🏳️‍🌈 are you a member of the lgbtqia+ community?

yes i am a kitchen utensils lover 💘💛💙 30% explains why i'm mentally ill 👍

ask game here!

[kringe]

my psychiatrists soonest available appointment is next month 😔👍

[pk-heart]

THREE phone calls in a day

[kaveuh]

can i get you on the matchup event sharty 😩😫‼️ JKJK unless......

GAHAHSHAHAHA ALR ALR

FANDOM : GENSHIN IMPACT

PERSONALITY ?!

if you cant tell from the opening i am a bit of a chaotic gremlin. a tiny bit of a troublemaker. just a little lad inconviniencing others for my own personal amusement. the rage , concern and sheer exhaustion others express when seeing me approach them makes me feel raw happiness and glee.

or at least thats what im like once we get to know eachother for more than 5 months AHAHAHAHAHA first month or two i meet people i am similar to the "shy hot rich dark haired divorcee , emotionally constipated hard dom character" character trope you see in medias and all. like i do Not talk unless spoken to, and usually then i just kinda nod and make agreeing noises LMFAOAOA

anyway during friendship state i would jumpscare people by revealing an exaggerated summary of past events. like, "the principal at my elementary school used to chase me down alot" or "i fell into a sewer once" so they'll go ??? and then i dont elaborate and dissapear into thin air . . . .

next stage is a draw them alot. like i go and ask them "hey ! lets say, in an absolutely 100% hypothetical situation, that we are married. eo you wear the dress or suit. answer now gogogo." or something of the sort, draw them and never show them because im a lil shy SJDKKDKSKD

after that i shyly ask if .......... they wanna go hangout and do smth ............. like .............. commit crimes together or smth maybe .............................. because i am mentally ill and does not know how people usually hangout 👍 following that, i sometimes drop hints that im not okay in the head. like i cant think of an example rn at the top of my head but when asked if im okay or whatev i always go "when have i ever been . . . " and proceed to make shart jokes HAHSGAGAGAHAGAHAGAHA

like everyone else, there would be time when i crack and need some time to recover. during this period, i just isolate myself and dissapear without a trace and dont come back until i feel a bit better, and if asked i just go "dw abt it" and change the topic 👍 i dont really like troubling others with my problems because i always feel like since its My problem that I should deal with it because not only do i know myself best, things are sometimes better when done alone.

so to sum it up : shy, hella quiet at first. but slowly opens up by showing my funky little doodles and then after that is absolute chaos. you are now a part of my circus

additionally : i speak fluent sarcasm, has the humor of a 14 y.o (cum/dick/generally inappropriate jokes). once were good friends i Will insult you in a gentle way because idk how to be nice without being a lil mean sometimes 👍 i also like calling people clowns, fools and sharties.

i also listen to edgy vocaloid music (MARETU and other stuff) and it concerns people when i listen to them sometimes but I CANT HELP IT THEY SLAP SO HARD OKAY ‼️

i also have mild god complex SKSKDKDKC IM, IM SO ARROGANT BUT LIKE IM ALSO KINDA COWARDLY ???? i say things like " this world was made for me. I am The Emperor, the Ruler of this world and everyone shall bow to me and kiss my feet. " but then i go sit in the very back hoping that no one notices me AHAHAHAHAHAH

HOBBIES ?!

uh , drawing, gently traumitizing friends with cursed knowledge and imagery. reading but cONLY if its reader inserted 👍 i used to write but not anymore, so sometimes i dig my old books like a lil molerat to read my old writings because i dislike myself

DREAM DATE ?!

sharty getting a date is already a dream come true 😭😭😭 idk if i could ask for more LMAOAOAOAO but u u h, staying inside while it rains really hard . . . i just really like the rain bc it gets cold sometimes and i like curling up into a ball and sleep wawawa . . or just dates where you get to have lots of fun and get to show off or whatever alot, like arcade/festival game dates !!!

idk what else to put here ngl HAWHAHAGAHWHAH

[ note ] ure officially #1 on my pookie bear list smirk

l THE GOD COMPLEX PART IS LITERALLU SNEDING ME HELP ME IMAGINE JUST LISTENIGN TO SOME EDGY VOCALOID SONGS AND ACTING LIKE A LIGHT KINNIE WITH THE DEATH NOTE 😭😭

i got carried away with this one again

I SHIP YOU WITH… ❁𓂃 ִֶָ  🥥 ٬٬

a.itto 🍓🍒

• YOU AND HIM TOGETHER = EVERYONE RUNNING AWAY BCS THEY WOULDN’T BE ABLE TO HANDLE IT

• itto’s one of the few people who wouldn’t get annoyed by your presence tbh, but you can try annoying him

• he’s equally as annoying as ch*lde but in a funnier way ‼️

• OK SINCE YOU MENTIONED THAT YOU’RE MORE ON THE LESS TALKING SIDE FOR THE FIRST TWO OR MORE MONTHS OF MEETING, ITTO DEFINITELY TAKES THE LEAD 😼

• “AND I SAW THIS HUGE ONIKABUTO! YOU THINK I CAN BEAT THAT KID WITH THIS?!” *head nodding, humming, smiling*

• once you get a bit more comfortable with itto, the two of you would have a prank war… and it’ll exhaust everyone around you

• YOU PROBABLY ONCE HAD A BOUNTY ON YOUR HEAD TOO 💀

• itto is the type to get jumpscared easily, so whenever you’d drop something like, “i almost got arrested and fell into the sewer lmao” he’d literally just go ???? SPEECHLESS HELP

• he’s usually the one to ask to go on a date or something so when you shyly 🥺👉👈 (HELP) ask him to go out HE WAS BEAMING WITH HAPPINESS WITH TEARS OF JOY

• he actually knows about the fact that you draw him btw lol, he sees you staring at him occasionally BUT DOESN’T SAY ANYTHING‼️ HE WANTS TO WAIT FOR YOU TO SHOW HIM INSTEAD

• if you ever end up isolating yourself from him, or even feeling down, HE WILL KNOW SOMETHING IS WRONG ESP IF YOU’RE ACTING DIFFERENT !! expect tons of gifts (including onikabutos) coming your way because he has no idea on how to comfort someone so he relies on gift giving and physical affection!

• he also doesn’t mind if you send him cursed images, not that he’s phased by it, rather he’d be amused by it and show it to his gang to traumatize them instead LMAOO

• ITTO’S THE TYPE OF BF TO PASS YOU TO AUX CORD NO MATTER WHAT YOU DONT EVEN HAVE TO ASK! he’ll listen to the music you put on even if he doesn’t particularly like the genre. he loved you, so he’ll deal with it and let the song grow in him <33

• you cannot tell me that this man doesn’t have 14 y.o fortnite humor either like 😭 he definitely tries to get sara to fight him again by going “i bet you’ll lose a 1v1 against me in fortnite…” and he doesn’t even play.

• so overall, arataki itto truly is the best man you could ever ask for because he will take you everywhere, on random dates, onikabuto fighting, games, etc.

[exanuz]

ill say a bit here because its a little funny at the end😭

basically. attachment issues all my life. blah blah blah. recently (~2 years ago?) i met this person and my attachment decided it LOVES xem. only think about xem, things associated with xem. weve tried to be friends but xe has xyr own mental issues that make it. difficult.

cut to a year ago. xe disappeared. thats fine. this happened before, was only for a little bit, xe should pop back up in a month or two

cut to ~10 months later. no return. over the past few months, unsurprisingly, severe negative emotion was building up. consistant crying. etc. at the same time, im also considering watching season 3, since i heard about the horrors martha went through, and while i felt i agreed she went through bad shit, i felt itd be strange to say that at all when i havent seen it myself, only heard claims. it just so happened i got a s1 - s4 dvd set, so, i begin to watch "martha who" as i jokingly called it

i mention simm mas only a few times to friends because, at the time, i had no reason to do more, although he occupied my brain a tiny bit more than characters usually do

one day, im talking to the only friend who really knows about the person and such. i say something i dont properly remember, but its me trying to talk about my mental state. it was something like, "im in a prison of the wind, theres no key to break out with but there has to be a warden somewhere, where is the warden"

then, a day later, i realise something. since i thought about simm mas a bit more than i usually do characters, maybe, just maybe, i could have him overtake things related to that person in my brain. he could become the warden. i didnt have much faith, but i tried really hard, and i succeeded. when the number of months was lower, i felt bad about the idea of trying to latch away from xem even a little bit, like i was betraying xem. but, at that point, even though i still did feel a little bad, i understood i Had to do this. my tiredness of going through these emotions overweighed any guilt

i still think about xem occasionally, of course, but now its just a character with no outside relation that is my entire brain. of course, i cant banish the symptoms, so everything that was towards xem is now towards simm mas. i get legitimately scared at the idea of people learning about him, similar to how i was about xem. (thats the funny part) however, unlike what i was (... and still am) able to do with xem, possibly because of the circumstances, i was able to manage to talk about him by name and with details not just to one person, not just to all my friends, but to a small discord server where i wasnt all that familiar with anyone, although i havent progressed past that. but its good, because it means im able to do a bit better

i probably need therapy, but that costs too much money, so instead i made a new account (this one) to isolate talking about him to (i cant bring myself to break through the barrier to talk about him on my soon to be old account)

i was worried hed leave my brain after a week or two and id be stuck back in that hell, but hes still going strong👍👍👍👍👍 1 year anniv in feb... HALF A YEAR IN AUGUST!!!! also i felt a bit bad like 'i watched it for martha and i come out with this guy' but whatever i guess.....

while mobile browser theme editting doesnt cooperate with me very well ill see if it will let me make a page... i want to share a bit about why i latched onto simm mas and the various effects on my mental state because i think its a little interesting