#I am literally incapable of being concise

[dennisboobs]

ADHD and autism battling it out in my brain every single time i type anything (i post something ridiculously fucking long winded and overexplained to try and avoid being misunderstood but end up writing several hundred words that are completely incoherent in the process)

[unicyclehippo]

im applying for a writers fellowship that is due next week n i feel literally sick to my stomach like. “why would this be beneficial/what are your reasons for applying” well thanks for asking im incapable of focusing & plotting a story. not because i have kids or responsibilities just bc of the way I am I guess haha I promise im not lazy just fundamentally incapable & my head feels like it’s being pressed in a vice at all times. “tell us about yourself” I have done nothing of interest!!!! ever!!!!! “please provide a clear and concise project outline of what you hope to accomplish if you are awarded the residency” literally anything at all. anything. I would love to be able to plot my story . I want it to exist so fucking bad

[officialgleamstar]

Personal DnDads Pride Headcanons

some of these are simple but most are paragraphs long because of who I am as a person (incapable of saying things concisely), so they're going under a readmore. vaguely organized by age group.

one quick note: feel free to cheer on or rag on any of these that you please, variety in opinion is the spice of fandom life! everyone's headcanons are so real and valid to me, i am a strong believer in having as many contradicting fandom opinions as you want. for this list, i just went with everything that is "default" to my fan content. others' transfem sparrow is shaking hands with my gnc sparrow and yes, i'm listing that one on purpose, because if you make fun of transfem sparrow, you are getting hit by my bat. be fucking nice.

please enjoy!

Season 1 Dads and Spouses

Carol is a lesbian. This is simply canon to me. It’s important that this is first and visible to everyone.

Bi/pan polyamorous Henry and Mercedes is also simply canon to me. Honestly that one might be fully canon based on some of the things that happen in Odyssey

Henry is unlabeled but in the sense that he calls himself ‘queer’, ‘bisexual’, ‘gay’, or ‘pansexual’, fully depending on his mood and the conversation happening

Ron is also unlabeled but in the sense that he has never thought about it in his life and isn’t intending to now

Glenn is bisexual but never talks about it unless someone else mentions it first, and he tries really really hard to never think about his gender once in his life. The queer angst I give Glenn could be a whole post of its own but just know he has issues. He does fuck men though

Darryl still isn’t really sure on his sexuality and probably never will be, but he’s actually explored it a bit, so that’s better than whatever the fuck was going on with him before the show started. Henry likes giving him subtle bear pride flag accessories because Darryl actually wears them a lot. His favorite color is brown, after all.

Jodie, Nicky, and Taylor all are bisexual with a preference for women. Sexuality isn’t genetic but it is for them specifically.

Morgan is also bisexual. Literally none of the season 1 parents are straight except maybe Samantha and even with her, my opinion fully matters on the day and how I’m feeling.

Henry and Lark have definitely had an exchange at some point where Lark asked him how it was to ‘experience twink death’, to which Henry just went ‘get back to me in a few years on that, kid.’ and Lark spent the rest of the week furiously moping because clearly, he’s a twunk, Father- (words of a man who did not take care of himself well enough from the ages of 18-25 to ever be a twunk)

This is my little shipper brain but Jodie only realized he liked men after being stuffed into the Odyssey and being around Ron 24/7 for months on end (and the demon stuff, but he didn’t know that yet for obvious reasons). In his timeline, he had a whole arc about it and now he’s persistently attracted to strange men who don’t make sense as well as women light-years out of his league. He’s still a little miffed that Henry doesn’t remember the very long conversations they had about it, but him and Nicky get to wear matching bi pride bracelets now, so he guesses it’s fine.

Kiddads and Spouses

Lark is bisexual. He has known this since kindergarten when his parents explained what the flag all over their house was and has never thought about it since.

Lark also helped Rebecca realize she was bisexual because she would ask him about it in a class they shared in high school

This is utterly unrelated to LGBT headcanons but I think Veronica and Rebecca grew up in San Dimas with the kiddads, and were friends with them in high school. It just makes sense to me

Unlabeled Terry Junior is something that can be so personal to me. In a general sense, he likes everyone romantically, and identifies enough with the asexual spectrum to wear an ace ring, but he doesn’t really see the point in putting a name on it. He’s just Terry Junior and he’s happy with that.

Him, Lark, and Nicky did have a group chat called ‘bisexuals with an agenda’ in high school though, where they would make plans for pranking or otherwise harassing their fathers during group outings. Terry loves Ron but that does not mean he is above ruining his day. It’s done with affection.

My thoughts on Sparrow could be a full fanfiction but gonna try to keep it simple (retroactive edit: did not keep it simple). Sparrow is the token cishet of the kiddads, but in the queerest way possible. He’s an Oak-Garcia, of course he’s explored himself very thoroughly. At current, he identifies as gender non-confirming cis man, but he has had periods of his life where he transitioned and then detransitioned. In early high school, he identified as non-binary. From senior year up until just before Hero was born, he lived as a trans lesbian. He doesn’t see these periods as phases, just as his identity changing over time. Currently he’s perfectly happy identifying as a man, but wouldn’t be wholly shocked if he transitioned again. Calls himself “cis but gender is obviously, massively, a social construct and so it feels unfair to expect myself to fit into these boxes when identity can be so fluid and-”

Rebecca still calls him her wife, and also a granola lesbian or MILF from time to time because it makes him laugh, and while Nicky was still in his life, he would send Sparrow trans memes a lot. Sparrow also has always liked being seen as non-binary, he sees it as ‘winning at being androgynous’. Competitive to the sense of nonsensical Sparrow my beloved

Sparrow always wears women’s clothing but that’s for autistic reasons. They just fit nicer for his brain. It helps the gender(tm) thing though, he near exclusively wore hand-me-downs from Mercedes throughout all of high school

Sorry for talking so much about Sparrow. He’s my favorite character so he is the focus of many of my thoughts. Anyways

Never been a huge fan of the ‘Grant was outed by his crush in the Forgotten Realms’ headcanon, I think Grant came out about a year beforehand. Long enough where everything about it has settled but it’s still new enough that Darryl forgot for a split second and thought Grant might have a crush on Killa during the Four Knight arc. He’d known he liked boys a while before that, and also his parents kind of figured he was gay most of his life since he had 95% girl friends

Marco is pansexual! He met Grant in college because he worked the front desk of their dorm building and would always wear a bunch of pride pins

Nicky was Grant’s first good friend who was a boy, I like to think that they were childhood friends. Grant announced this to his dad at the age of 10 by going “Nick Close is transgender now, so that means you don’t have to worry about me only talking to girls because he’s a boy.” and Darryl went “…Alright?” and then googled what ‘transgender’ means

Speaking of, Nicky realized he was trans because of Mulan. Both Glenn and Jodie, in their respective timelines, googled ‘How do I know if my daughter is a lesbian’ before he came out because Nicky would rewatch the reflection song so often and also the tomboy-isms. Everyone felt very stupid for being surprised when he cut all of his hair off, cried, and asked to change his name

T4T Nicky and Cassandra is canon and they rubbed it into everyone's faces when they were together, Anthony is just afraid of the truth

Cassandra is trans het. I love trans het people more than anything and I love her so this makes sense to me.

Veronica is non-binary, in the sense of “girl but to the left”. They/she pronouns, calls themself a girlie and a mom but not a woman, dresses in a kickass pantsuit at formal events. I’m also in love with her

Season 2 Teens and Friends

Hero and Normal are both trans. When Hero came out, Sparrow sat Normal down to explain why Hero was now a sister instead of a brother and Normal responded with “Well, that’s not fair. How come Hero can be a girl but I can’t be a boy?!” and Sparrow just stared at him for a really long time before going “You can be a boy, honey.” and they went thrift shopping as a family for new clothes the next day

Normal is stealth trans, mostly because Hero is the same way and he copies her, but also because it doesn’t really occur to him that he passes. He just figures that people knows even though he is on testosterone and binds and presents masculine. It helps that his family presents pretty gender-neutral as a whole, so most people assume he had long hair as a kid because his parents are hippies. They had a son and daughter, both with long hair. They now have a daughter and a son, both with short hair. To the general populace, nothing has changed, they just misremembered which kid was older.

Taylor is a demi-boy and spends every year growing more and more feminine. Definitely calls their gender something like ‘boy with a dash of girl on the side’ with their friends. Growing out his hair was a newer thing and he regrets cutting it, even if it was a super cool sequence and he looked like an anime protagonist, because he liked how it framed his face.

Cassandra has always maintained an openness about her trans identity, so Taylor’s the same way. He’s always got the he/they pronoun pin on (I figure this is normalized by the time of season 2, but he’s just very pleased about it), he has a variety of trans and non-binary pride pins that he cycles through, and they like painting their nails because it’s an easy way for them to feel a little more feminine.

Cassandra’s living room is decorated with a massive trans pride flag and LED lights. The first time the teens walk into Taylor’s home, Scary says “it looks like a Twitch stream in here” at the same time that Normal says “it looks like my sister’s room in here” and they high-five while Taylor yells at them to be nice.

Hermie is genderfluid and uses any pronouns. This is real to me. He has my own teenage trait of gender shifting every three hours and never knowing what to do about it and he will be suffering with this until he exits puberty, at which point he gives up and just sees what gender other people choose for him.

Hermie is also pan/ace! No further thoughts here. She just is.

Erica just goes by queer because she doesn’t think the common passerby deserves to know her rich inner life and she’s right, they don’t

I tend to say a lot that all of the S2 kids are bisexual, and I represent them as such, but I truly believe that Lincoln and Normal both have no idea what’s going on with their sexualities. They say they’re bisexual for bisexual teen squad reasons but Normal is going through a constant crisis of “Am I gay or bisexual?” and Lincoln looks up the definition of aro/ace on a weekly basis. Neither of them will ever express this until Scary goes “maybe I’m not bisexual, actually.”

On that note, Scary is a lesbian but she’s not going to realize that until college. For now, she’s rocking with the bisexuality and pretends it’s not weird that her ‘crushes’ on boys feel wildly different than her crushes on girls. Yes I am projecting. This is not a secret. We project onto Scary here.

[mama-scarebear]

One second, at the prior anon who also had a crush on you, I am so sorry for devalidating your experience and what I said. Honestly, I was tired when I scanned through the blog to see if my ask had been answered and I didn't pay that much attention once I realised it wasn't mine.

I thought it was just an anon that didn't bother reading the bio and didn't continue reading past a point and completely missed the rest of the message. Nevertheless, that's not a message or behaviour I support. I really hope I didn't bring any harm to you but it's valid if I did.

Thank you for such a genuine and wonderful answer. Because I am literally incapable of being concise. I want you to know the response I was going to give had 10 paragraphs. Short ones, but still. I have cut it down to these statements:

Love that you're good with witchcraft AND you're a punk. You sound super cool.

Thanks for sharing her handle. Her tattoos look really cool and I love how she plays with dimensions in her tattoos and her bodywork.

I love the alt music scene. Because of circumstances in my life I am around the scene often and while I don't think I'm the biggest punk, the larger alt subculture in my area has my heart.

What are some of the artists you've listened to recently?

I've never been to a punk music festival. I've only ever been to 1 festival but it was so busy and not super fun in my case.

I've never seen dorohedoro. Thanks for the rec. It looks super cool and I'm looking forward to seeing why you enjoy it.

My curiosity has been sated but not permanently? Hope that counts :D

I suppose I'll reply to this in a similar fashion:

Ive a decent history with both witchcraft and punk and have dabbled in both quite a bit. I am far more or a punk than I am a witch though. The witchy stuff is a bit lost on me at times.

Ive an appointment with her this summer to get some work done and I can't wait. I love the unapologetic queerness of her work and how she portrays gender non-conformism. As someone who plays with gender liberally it's nice to see.

I love the alt scene quite a bit but only rarely get to properly participate. Another downside of rural living. I'm functionally the entirety of the visibly alt scene in town.

Lately I've been revisiting a lot of old favourites and some new bands I fell in love with over the last festival I went to, so we've got Bad Cop/Bad Cop, Against Me!, Middle Aged Queers, JER, The Anti-Queens, Whoredrobe, and Pat The Bunny.

Im sorry you didn't have fun at that festival. The one I go to yearly is spread out through multiple venues/bars so it's not all in one sensory overload of a place. You just pick your venue or barhop for the night, get drinks, ans enjoy some good music. Destroyed my legs though hahahaha.

Dorohedoro is a lot of fun though bizarre. I'm a bit of a cult classic sort of a girl. Which is a fancy way or saying my taste in media skews a little bizarre and "hipster".

Youre in luck then because like the proper narcissit that I am, I love talking about myself.

[walkman-cat]

hands up tell me abt Your star trek au right now!! on the double bro. what are the tensions it all looks too kind & magical i don’t trust it yet

(if it is literally kind & wonderful i am grateful i am thankful i am honored i’d just like to hear more)

-@jack-kellys

i'm ngl my star trek au au is mostly running on vibes wbwbwb so it is pretty kind and happy and warm (i just really like how much everyone in the enterprise's crew has such a respect and care for each other yknow. found family and all that innit).

that being said, here are some funky things about the characters ive been thinking about lately (under a cut because i'm incapable of being concise):

the stars were essentially jack's santa fe. he grew up surrounded by stories of starship captains and space and it became his lifelong dream and ambition to captain a starship, something which he dropped everything to attain. now he is captain of a starship– one of the youngest in starfleet's history– and it's wonderful and fantastic and he's never felt more alive! but there's always something gnawing at the back of his mind (he's based his entire life up until this point around this moment, it was a driving force and a beacon to look up to when times were tough. what if the experience is nothing like his dreams and he ends up disappointed? what happens when the mission's over? what'll become of him?).

also starfleet's assigned him a galaxy-class starship with families onboard and he's having a Time because of it (what if they get hurt under his watch. what if he gives the wrong order and a child dies. starfleet officers know the risks of space travel and are aware of this but the families. the children). other than that he's having a great time !!

kath's half-betazoid on her mother's side, but she never knew her mother nor has she ever been to betazoid (i really went woe! being mixed and only connected to one of your cultures but still being unable to fit in even there because of the fact that you're mixed be upon ye!). she's trying real hard to learn more about betazoid and who her mother is even though she knows she won't really feel like she "belongs" in betazoid either. she's working on understanding and using her empathic/telepathic powers more.

oh also!! pulitzer is a notorious and not-well liked admiral, when kath joined the acedmy she officially had her name changed to plumber and has since told no-one that they're related (this surely won't backfire terribly on her in the future)

also because this is the spot (cat) show, kath loves spot (cat) and wants to babysit her and play with her but alas. she is allergic to cats

race cannot catch a break– he's got a massive losing streak at senior officer poker night, spot (cat) hates him, he can't grow a beard but every time theres an impostor/clone/mirror universe situation the other version of him always has a beard (this is half in jest but also it amuses me wbwb)

jokes aside, i've been having a whole bunch of race as first officer thoughts (and a lot of riker and race parallel thoughts but. that's another story). i don’t really know how to explain it other than the way riker acts in the last episode of tng season two (yes, the riker montage episode) when facing death (joking around and keeping up the appearance of flippancy and courage in the face of agonising death because he’s first officer and there are people who look up to him and he has to set an example) seemed very race and very kony to me, in a way. (youve got this to blame for riker beard race. im not sorry)

race is also one of the first people to advocate for les becoming acting ensign. he makes it very clear that he's in les' corner and makes himself responsible for his studies and sometimes his training (and he teaches him poker).

OH ALSO! sarah and davey didnt know les ws going to be onboard and only found out about his presence after they'd set off. did he sneak onboard?? mayyyybeee (he just really wants to be a starfleet officer). after the initial shock (and notifying their parents) sarah and davey start the Let Les on the Bridge campaign (letting him watch the bridge from the turbolift, helping out in sciences and engineering, etc etc) the that eventually leads to les becoming acting ensign. it reaches a point where most of jack's senior officers would probably mutiny all for this kid.

there's more stuff but i'll stop rambling now because, again, i have a problem with being concise wbwbw. thankyou soso much for the ask rizz once again i love your star trek au so much and am always eager to hear more wbwbw!!! :D

[moonpatroclus]

I know you're not in the secret santa, but i've determined you deserve some special love in your anons anyway so here i am, your secret un-santa. Do you have any special headcanons for elucien? are there any AUs you haven't seen for them that you would like to, if you had the chance? hugs and kisses, sus (secret un-santa)

This is honestly the sweetest most unexpected surprise ever🥺 whoever you are I hope you know that I LOVE you and am smiling so hard at reading this :’) also I’m sorry this is so long. Apparently I’m incapable of being concise😂 when it comes to elucien I guess I’ll just keep talking and talking until someone shuts me up🫣 I’m gonna put this under a cut so I don’t clog everyone’s dash 😭

Elucien my beloved ahhhhhh. I had to give it some thought, but I came to the conclusion that for all the elucien tangled/rapunzel art out there, I’m not sure I’ve ever seen an AU written for it (??) If I’m wrong I’m so sorry just point me in the direction of one and I will gobble it up. But I can’t think of one off the top of my head and I would absolutely dieeeee to see it.

I realize that is a very lengthy project, but literally even the smallest snippets of them in that universe would make me soooo🥺 like the thought of them canoeing on a lake while watching the lanterns or stars… Lucien absolutely captivated by Elain, while she can’t look away from the sky he can’t tear his eyes away from her. Or dancing in the town square festival…. Elain coming alive amidst the music and laughter and pulling a somewhat reluctant Lucien into a dance… Like I really would die… Elain braiding flowers into Lucien’s hair!!!!! okay I’m done rambling I’ll start crying. One day I can only hope to see a full tangled AU, but honestly it’s all the little individual moments and tropes within that story that have me in a chokehold and craving to see elucien in that setting 😭

On a completely different train of thought, I’m getting into a christmassy mood and want to cry at the thought of them just doing sweet coupley winter time activities together… like whether it be canon verse or a modern AU, ice skating, sledding, decorating cookies, going to get a Christmas tree, decorating their home, gift shopping for their family together, cuddling in front of a warm cozy fire… just all the sweet cozy warm winter time vibes being disgustingly cute together 🥺 my sweet loves deserve to finally share a solstice being happy and content and in love together 🥲

Wowwww I’m sorry this is so messy and long and not well thought out at all😅 I’m still in shock that you would be so sweet to think of me and send me this anon 🥺 seeing everyone participating in the gift exchange has me so excited and I wish I was a confident enough writer/content creator to be a part of it, but this message made me so happy you truly are the sweetest ever🫶🏻

[thousand-sunnies]

OKAY OKAY SO first of all i already said this in dms but you're right reading marineford first is an insane decision for many reasons. but at the same time i bet it has given you a fascinating introduction to the story so i respect it

putting the rest under read more because i have never been concise in my life and i was not about to start today, clearly

secondly, the law-cora-sengoku dynamic is something alright. imagine the family dinners. i STILL haven't reached the sengoku bit in dressrosa (the person i'm watching with is away for the weekend so we have made no progress), but i cannot WAIT to see him and law in a scene together. what an awkward foundation for a relationship. would be even more awkward in the benefits universe where law has to call up sengoku and be like "hey so about that."

(who am i kidding, law is absolutely NOT calling up sengoku. cora might, eventually, but tbh i think the funnier option is that he stalls long enough that he gets a wanted poster simply by association with the heart pirates, and sengoku has his peaceful morning perusal of the newspaper interrupted by his Definitely Used To Be Dead Son's picture among the bounties. and under that name? seriously?)

(...okay maybe the name thing isn't that surprising.)

ALSO FHKDLGFDHJ YOU'RE SO RIGHT the sanji-zoro-kuina dynamic is diametrically opposed. they just each have some very deeply ingrained beliefs and views that make them incapable of getting along. zoro knew this was going to happen. he was dreading this day. nami is patting him on the back in solidarity but secretly she's glad he's getting a taste of what he and sanji are like to the rest of the crew on any other day.

though of course to be fair sanji is NOT an active participant in the fights, but that obviously makes kuina even more mad, and it's a whole vicious cycle. honestly, i think in the actual canon source material that's a difference they Couldn't get over, not with how sanji is. but it's MY fic and I choose the characterization i can bend to my will, so. they can get some mutual understanding. as a treat.

THE LAWLU FAE THING OKAY. okay. see in my mind the defining things about fae are the real name thing, the food thing, and the (not) lying/promises. and law fits them all in a pretty conventional fae sense. but LUFFY oh my god. he ALSO fits them all but like very to the left. this is a guy who introduces himself by his full name to anyone he meets. he doesn't give a shit about any conventions, or convoluted dynamics, or lies by omission. but most importantly he believes in freedom so strongly that the idea of owning someone or being owned by someone is just... inconceivable to him.

in the reverse scenario law is just trying to, hell, throw his hands up and give up on his life by quite literally handing it over to someone else. but he just HAPPENS to stumble upon the world's most unconventional fae who doesn't want that, thank you very much, and gives him a nickname, and won't leave him the fuck alone to try it with someone else either. (and law just thinks he's a minor nuisance, one of those faeries who cause small-scale mischief, right up until he gets a demonstration of just how powerful luffy really is, and then. then he's just more confused tbh)

cannibalism 🥰🥰🥰 see i'm not very good at writing doomed relationships - i like my happy endings, i can't imagine myself getting motivated enough to writing a fully tragic story, or even heavy angst - but my god is there ever something so tasty about the concept, especially in the way you described it skhgfrjdhkf. especially with zoro and sanji (a guy who made protecting his crew his entire life's mission, and a guy who is shown time and time again to be self-sacrificial to a fault), and they both have this NEED to keep the other safe, but in this scenario, these are incompatible goals. and they are not exactly the sort to sort stuff out with ~healthy communication~, so it festers. they resent each other for pushing it, and themselves for being in this situation, and if only i had been better, then it wouldn't be like this in the first place-

(anyway if i ever write this it will not be anything nearly as dramatic. my writing brand is generally lighthearted with maybe a few deep conversations thrown into the mix. but by god its fun to think about)

I'M SO GLAD YOU LIKE MY IDEAS MAN...... i'd be absolutely happy to talk about them more, as you can tell i cannot keep my mouth shut ever :D also oh my god "blessing the narrative" THATS EXACTLY WHAT IT IS....... luffy has changed everyone around him on such a fundamental level that even if he doesn't remember anything, everyone who does will go on to cause every ripple effect ever. they're changing this damn world for the better now that they know how it goes, because it's the right thing to do, and also because their captain/friend/saviour/etc will be so disappointed if they don't. (i have precisely one scene drafted for this idea, and it's robin talking to cora on minion island. yes i may be a little obsessed with letting cora live, but in my defence he deserves it.)

(also the cora and ace resurrection shenanigans are, indeed, cora-and-ace resurrection shenanigans. yes it's unrealistic. yes it makes less sense. but you're damn right it compels me too. i just. i really don't like characters dying okay-)

ANYWAY THIS ALSO GOT VERY VERY LONG BUT THANK YOU SOSO MUCH THE OPPORTUNITY TO YELL IS ALWAYS VERY APPRECIATED <333

i think i would go insane for literally any of the fics u mentioned in the tags of that post??? SEQUEL TO THE BENEFITS OF DRINKING WITH STRANGERS???????? (i read that fic twice in a row the first time) i would love to see the interplay between sanji's ideals/hangups and shimotsuki "i take no bullshit" kuina. sanji offering himself up in the most literal sense to feed someone else. listen the cannabalism as an act of service. help im losing my mind. also i can only imagine the degree of "????????" going through ace's mind every step of the way through a lesson in changing the world. dude im going to be thinking about this Forever. that's not even half of what you've got going through my brain

OH DUDE THIS IS SO NICE OF YOU DHEJDKEKJD I WILL BE USING THIS AS MOTIVATION

benefits is def one of my favourite things i’ve ever written (i LOVE cora SO MUCH) so i really want to write that one! i’m at the very end of the dressrosa arc in the anime by now so im just looking forward to the sengoku scene, because i want to like get the vibes before i write his and rosi’s reunion yknow

the sanji and kuina thing oh my god i have that fic half written, but then i went insane about marineford and temporarily lost the drive, but i still maintain that the concept of it would be SO FUN to explore. kuina and sanji just fundamentally Can’t Get Along with how sanji is in canon, and zoro is in the middle of that particular clash…

CANNIBALISM AS AN ACT OF SERVICE OH MY GOD……. you know. vampire stuff is so normalised in our storytelling that i do not instinctively consider it cannibalism. but holy shit you’re right it fucking is and oh my god hold on there’s something about zeff here- AHEM point is cannibalism as an act of service is always a beloved trope i need to think about this more.

and yes it’s SO funny to imagine how confused ace is throughout a lesson in changing the world, i am Really excited to write that one. there’s a lot of stuff from his pov that the marines wouldn’t know about, like the whole luffy and the prisoners on a warship thing, but especially the thought process he’s going through in the time leading up to his execution and up on the platform is SOOO interesting to think about, so im excited :D

ANYWAY OH MY GOD THANK YOU SO MUCH AND IF YOU THINK OF ANYTHING ELSE PLEASE LET ME KNOW because i always want to yell about my ideas or other people’s ideas!!!!

[opbackgrounds]

As many of you noticed, the other day I posted Part 1 in what has become a series on my thoughts on sexism in One Piece. If you are somehow seeing this post first, I would recommend clicking the link as I’ll be adding to the foundation I built there. 

I already had some pretty strong thoughts on this topic before receiving the original ask, but in the spirit of not wanting to sound like a douche academic integrity I decided to do a little cursory research into what other people meant when they said that One Piece is sexist. Here’s a collage of some of my favorite hot takes

As much as I’m...confused? Unsurprised yet somehow disappointed?...I don’t want to mock or belittle the people who feel this way. I think one of the most dangerous things in our modern internet age is that discussions only get surface deep before they devolve into shouting matches, and when the other side is vilified as ignorant or immoral or whatever it only serves to divide people into groups that grow evermore hostile to one another as the shouting matches get louder. It’s a short jump from your opinions are stupid and bad to you are stupid and bad for having them and I really don’t want to go there. 

Tl; dr: I don’t care if you disagree with anything I’m about to say, but if you send me harassing messages please know that I will laugh at you for presuming to think that I care.

Dropping the S Bomb

So first things first, a couple definitions. Sexism is prejudice, stereotyping, or discrimination against a certain gender, in this case women. Chauvinism is excessive or prejudiced support for one's own cause, group, or sex. Misogyny is dislike of, contempt for, or ingrained prejudice against women.

I start with definitions, because there are an astounding number of people who misuse these terms when making arguments. When talking about things like character design, Oda’s typical hour-glass figure is leaning into a stereotype that leads to the objectification of (fictional) women. An argument could be made that One Piece is sexist in that way. 

But it’s not that cut and dry, and I am always of the opinion that context matters. I argued in my previous post that there would be a wider variety of female character designs if there were more women, and the exaggerated aesthetic of the series lends itself to the exaggerated busts and butts typical of One Piece ladies. 

There’s an interview that came out around the time Strong World was released that I think is helpful when talking about this sort of thing. 

I approached it thinking that since I’m drawing for a boys’ comic magazine, then it’s my job to make sure they enjoy what they’re reading. When you actually do become a professional you’ll start getting fan letters and other things and you’ll soon find that the overwhelming majority of them are from girls. Boys just aren’t the type to pick up a pen. (laughs) They don’t have things like stationary or stamps and they don’t think about going through the ‘grueling task’ of writing someone just to say, “That was cool.” Boys are a life form that enjoy something but won’t bother to tell you that they actually do.

So I learned that girls will flood you with their opinions and when I took at step back and looked at the world of manga, I realized that there are a lot of people out there that made me think, “This [author] is really just going along with the girls’ opinions.” And ultimately, if you’re considering those opinions as the ‘needs of the customer’ when you write the story, you’re just left with a girl’s manga. (laughs) It’s like, if you do that, you’re only writing to entertain girls, and that’s just wrong.

Oda writes for his target demographic, pre-teen and teenage boys. He doesn’t seem to care much for the opinions of his female audience, which again could be perceived as sexist.

And to an extent maybe it is, but I also think it’s smart. You only have to look at the mess that is the new Star Wars trilogy to see what happens when a storyteller tries to appease a fan base. The end result is that everyone goes home from the theatre miserable. 

Humanity has been telling stories since time immemorial. They’re so ingrained into into the collective psyche that we have developed certain metanarriatives, types, and archetypes that have in turn been refined and distilled and applied to certain types of stories meant for certain types of people. The “rules” for telling a “boy’s story” are different than the “rules” for telling a “girl’s story”, just like I would not expect a romance to be told in the same way as one of Shonen Jump’s battle manga.

Incidentally, this is part of the reason why I think many romances in shonen fall flat. Stories best suited for fighting, camaraderie, coming of age, and growing into the best version of yourself are forced to try to include tropes and story beats that just don’t fit, and the end result is often just...bad.  

And, yes, these rules are arbitrary. They can and do change. Just look at shonen battle manga of the 80s vs the titles that were popular when One Piece started in the 90s vs what’s running today. The fact that Oda maintained an audience for over two decades while writing for a demographic that ages out every few years is nothing short of incredible. He clearly has a pulse on what his audience wants while maintaining a clear vision for the direction he wants One Piece to go.

Nor is this an individual effort. Oda works with his assistants and editors when it comes to making these decisions. It’s impossible to say how much he’s been influenced by these other voices, both in the past and now, even if he is ultimately the person responsible for what does and does not get put to paper.

What’s more, society changes. What is considered sexist now would not be thought of as such a generation ago. Our descendants will shake their heads at all the crazy, backward, terrible things we think are normative, and that’s not even taking into consideration differences in culture that not only exist between generations, but nations. America is going to have different ideas of what is and isn’t appropriate behavior than Japan, which undoubtably influences Oda’s sense of humor, which in turn influences the sorts of gags he puts into his comic.

I want to walk a fine line here, because I think there are objective standards that people should be held to regarding sexism while also acknowledging that getting people to agree to those standards are is impossible. If people truly feel as strongly about Oda’s character design and fan service as they make it seem online, then by all means comment on it. It’s not going to change Oda’s mind, but maybe with increased awareness the next generation of storytellers will be better. 

At the same time, I think that the indignant masses need to take a deep, hard look at what they’re calling sexism. Are you really going to claim, as I’ve seen, that all fan service is sexist? Are you really going to say that Robin and Nami are weak characters because they don’t get fights? Are you really going to say that Oda’s the most sexist mangaka out there, using, Fairy Tale as an example of female characters done right?

Because if you are, you’re setting yourself up to be thought as just as vapid and uniformed as those who are only reading for tits and ass. There are legitimate criticisms to be had, but just because you don’t like a thing doesn’t mean it’s bad storytelling. Just because Oda puts something out there that you don’t approve of doesn’t make it sexist. Audiences need to be better at thinking critically about the media they consume and learn to look past the sensationalism of click bait articles to truly explore the issues at hand. 

This is getting long again, so I think I’m going to split this into another post where I’ll dive into some specific examples within the series itself. Once again, thank you for your time. I promise I’ll wrap this up soon and move onto other, hopefully more positive, things.    

[inmyarmswrappedin]

Hello! Would you like an ismail season next? I don’t know if I really want it and even though I’m not the biggest mailin fan I would much rather the next 2 mains being ava and mailin so we have a pov of all the cash queens (like skames did) before moving to someone else (I would be really mad if ismail have a season before ava :/)

Hi anon 🛒 I’m going to say this before I answer your question: I am really fond of Ismail, have always been, and I think they could easily turn out to be one of my favorite Skams characters. That said, no, Ismail doesn’t deserve a season before Ava, and in fact Ava’s bullying storyline needs to be resolved from her POV before we even begin entertaining the idea of an anti corona kid season. It’s wild to me that this is even a point of contention in the fandom lmao.

As for Mailin, I also think she should get a season, but I don’t necessarily think she should go before one of the cool kids.

And now to answer some potential responses to this:

1. How could you want a season for Mailin, when she’s so undeveloped?

I also wanted seasons for Vilde and Chris in every remake, until the character block was confirmed and I gave up on that. I think it sucks that we didn’t get a season for every girl in the original girl squad, and that there is only one version who’s given us a season (of sorts) for every girl. I don’t think a POV change to a different squad is necessary for any Skam to work, and I find the recent idea that there needs to be a season from another squad’s POV to be kinda baffling tbh... It was something Skam could get away with because it was a far more experimental and less commercial-driven show than most, if not all, the remakes. Many remakes have shoehorned the girl squad into the Isak season because they don’t want to make their main cast bit players for a season. To be clear, I’m not opposed to a season from a different squad’s POV, I liked that decision in Skam. I just don’t think it’s necessary for the show to work and in fact actively works against the way most Skams teams approach their shows.

2. How could you want a season for Mailin, a straight white girl, over Ismail or Finn or Josh?

Lmao because Skam (and the remakes) are targeted at teenage girls and always have been. They’re not LGBTI shows, they’re not shows about boys of color, the intended audience has always been teenage girls. And while I do think there’s room in Skam (and Druck) for queer and moc seasons (obviously, given Isak’s season and the fact that my favorite Druck character is David), I think the priority should be the main squad.

Also, we don’t know that Mailin is straight. 

But even if she was, Nora is also ostensibly a straight white girl, and you’d have to be up to your ears on identity politics to think that her season has no value because she’s a straight white girl. 

3. How could you want a season for Mailin, when she’s racist?

Vilde was also racist, and I wanted her season as well. Listen, do I love that Mailin, despite her wokeness, is ignorant and rash and blind to her own privilege? No. Do I think it’s incredibly necessary to explore Mailin’s ignorance, as if we haven’t seen numerous instances of white “feminists” playing the victim when called out by woc? No. But since the character has been introduced and been made part of the main squad, I want her character to be explored, like Eva and Noora got explored 8 times over, despite their characters not being anything new in terms of character archetypes either. 

Mailin’s not my priority, Ava is, but I’d find it irritating from a viewer’s perspective for her to be introduced as a main player, and not get her POV. 

4. How can you like Ismail and be fine with them getting a season, when they’re a bully who has hurt Ava?

Tbh, if Ismail doesn’t get a season, I’ll be fine with that. I think they can be developed through other characters without getting their own season. And by no means do I cut them slack for the bullying, and it’s one of the main reasons why I’m completely opposed to Ismail getting a season before Ava does. 

While sections of fandom absolutely are fetishistic towards Ismail, and sexualize them (I mean lol, how many smut fics are there about this gen, and how many of those fics don’t involve Ismail getting dicked down?), I think we have to remember that the wider world isn’t exactly kind towards gnc amab people, and while fandom loves a good dude they can imagine getting dicked down, the reality for people who look like Ismail is that they face homophobia even if they are straight, transphobia even if they’re cis, and racism even if fandom interprets them as white. (I’m not going to go into a lot of detail with this, but suffice to say that Turkish and German-born Turkish people aren’t seen as white in Germany, and Abdi and Ismail are both people of color in the country they were born and live in.) I think we have to separate people like Tarjei Sandvik Moe and Henrik Holm and Michelangelo Fortuzzi and Axel Auriant and Maxence Danet-Fauvel and Willem 1 and Willem 2, who play gay/bi/pan characters but will not face discrimination in their personal lives, from people like Mustafa Eren Özdilberler and Lukas von Horbatschewsky and Alejandro Reina and Giovanni Niubo, who will get fetishized and sexualized by fandom, but won’t even get the “luxury” of getting treated as a sexy commodity in their personal lives. I’m basically babbling at this point, but suffice to say, fandom’s clear interest in Ismail for their ~white-passing good-dickin’ potential isn’t a good reason for me to exclude them from getting a season, as long as the four cashqueens get one. 

Anyway, I forgot to answer the question. Yes, Ismail is doubtlessly a bully who has hurt Ava. And Mailin is seriously testing people’s patience when it comes to Ava, as well. Both have annoying stans who attack Ava in order to defend their favs. But I believe both their stories are worth telling. 

Finally, my personal preference if we get 6 seasons out of this cycle would be: Nora, Fatou, Ava in this order, with these last three in any order: Mailin, Ismail, Yara. 

[youichi-kuramochi]

dearest viv,

how the FUCK do you connect scenes?

i forgot what sign off i was gonna use

started with an r

umm

fuck. whatever

i cant remember if it was regards or respectfully. maybe respectfully?? yeah since i was yelling?? ok

respectfully,

honey ʕ ﹒ ᴥ ﹒ ʔ

ALDFKJGALDFKGDLFJ THIS WAS THE FUNNIEST ASK TO WAKE UP TO THANK YOU FOR THAT OMG

ANYWAY............ do u mean like in general or me personally lmao bc my answer to the second is probably like. totally unhelpful bc I just kinda vibe it most of the time when I’m writing adflkjagdfk at least first drafts. editing is another story (standby. we’ll get there lmao)

[sidebar: OH MY GOD THIS ANSWER GOT SO LONG I’M SO SORRY IF THIS WAS A JOKEY ASK AND I JUST RAMBLED UNNECESSARILY FOR LIKE FOREVER I am just. I am very passionate about writing even though my own process is a Mess aldkfjglkgf anyway I’m putting this under a cut bc uh. this really got away from me]

alright so theoretically??? I think transitions are less important than like. there should be a point each scene is trying to make. it either develops character or plot or relationships or any combination of those, and you need to have enough to make that point and then it can end (though I overelaborate a lot so. idk. I don’t think I follow most of this advice even though I understand it In Theory adlfkgjlkf). similarly, when you string the scenes together, they should to build towards a larger narrative arc. like because character a learned this thing about themself in the previous scene, now they can confront character b about something else. or because of this character establishing moment, we can now have this character do this thing because we, the readers, now have some insight into their motivations/fears/desires/etc. or whatever. I guess this is sort of about transitions lmao but the point is that the larger narrative should connect, not that you need to be super careful always about making the words/physical scenes themselves connect, if that makes sense

imo scenes can start and end abruptly and like as long as the narrative point is made you don’t really miss out on much. I’m terrible at actually doing this which is why my fics all wind up so long but I don’t mind it at all when I’m reading. I think it’s really cool when someone can make a really powerful point with far fewer words than I ever could. idk who told me this maybe a professor or maybe I just read it somewhere but it’s often a good move to drop readers right in the middle of the action like you don’t need that much buildup to it (unless the buildup serves a purpose. maybe your character is hesitating. maybe they’re overthinking.) you might need more buildup/general exposition in the beginning to get us acquainted with the world of the fic, but especially as you go on, exposition only as needed can be a good move. something something kill your darlings, y’know?

actually this last bit I do follow sometimes lmao I often wind up with several pages of just. unused text that I’d written and then decided was extraneous to the point I was trying to make or made a scene drag on or just didn’t click. like for my current ongoing fic, I have entire scenes I’ve cut. I wrote 2k of a high school scene that I ended up only using slivers of for flashbacks. there was a scene when onigiri miya opened at one point. for my bkak big bang fic I literally have over 6k that I took out completely that if I had kept in would’ve given the whole thing a completely different tone that I decided I didn’t like after I’d already written like half the fic. so I scrapped them. I usually save these, not do anything with really but just because deleting text forever is hard lmao so saving the writing somewhere, if not in the fic itself, makes it easier for me to cut

ALL THAT SAID it’s also totally cool to just trust your gut and run with a vague idea. like this kind of writing should be fun and I wouldn’t let worrying about this stuff get in the way of having a good time. and also everyone’s process is different!! everyone’s writing style is different and your writing probably won’t have the same tone or style as writers you admire and that’s okay!! it’s a good thing, even, imo. that’s what’s so cool about writing and honestly a lot of my favorite writers do not write like I do and I love that

and when I said I vibe it w my fics I really honestly do 90% of the time. I usually have a general sense of where I’m going but it’s more enjoyable for me discover things on the way. some people swear by outlines, I fundamentally do not other than like. AT MAX writing a short bullet point list of scenes I want to include as I think of them bc my brain is like a sieve. and usually weeks after starting something, I’ll write a line/paragraph/scene and have an epiphany like oh my god. oh my god I get what this whole piece is trying to say. (this is my favorite part of writing tbh. discovering that moment) and once I have that, it’s much easier to figure out what belongs and what doesn’t when I go back and edit earlier scenes and make sure that everything ties together

and also, finally, (sorry I know I’ve been rambling for a while now I swear this is the last point) I want to note that all of this gets easier and more natural with practice. I’ve been writing for over 10 years, on and off. ao3 says I have 500k+ of published fic, not to mention I probably as much if not more from abandoned wips that will never see the light of day AND a bunch of stuff floating around on livejournal (lol) from the pre-ao3 days, so I have written. a LOT. and over time you sort of hone your intuition about what works for you and what doesn’t and at least for me, now I think a lot less abt the nitty gritty and just go wherever my writing takes me and I’ll usually land in the general vicinity of making sense. I think anyone can get there (or wherever it is you’d like to be if this isn’t your style). the trick is just to keep writing! it’s a skill like everything else ☺️

[captainlevii]

Hi! I really like your takes on Eren and I so very much agree with you on the ending of Snk. It was.... disappointing and underwhelming after all the buildup, which took YEARS. God I don’t even wanna get started on the character butchering and plot holes. But I’m also interested to here your thoughts on what kind of ending you would have preferred or theorized for. I’m just a very curious person and I love hearing what other people with similar opinions imagined for Snk.

For a while during WfP and the Paths mini-arc, I had no idea what the ending was going to be like, and I mostly stayed away from theories or theorizing myself because I didn’t really want to have expectations? If that makes sense; I wanted to be surprised by whatever happened. The only thing I really expected to happen was the end of both the Titan powers and the conflict between Paradis and world (or at least Marley being defeated). 

Then Eren started the Rumbling. 

(TL;DR at the end.)

And I fully expected it to be completed just because anything else—as pointed out by many, many people in the fandom and within the narrative itself by Jean—stopping the Rumbling prematurely would be dooming Paradis.

What I thought would happen was the Alliance would try, but ultimately fail, to stop Eren. Some of them would probably even die or be severely injured. They had no plan other than talking to him because, yeah, that worked out so well before didn’t it and no plan for what would happen after. Eren also had access to the full power of the FT and there were millions of Colossal Titans in their way, the Alliance really shouldn’t have stood a chance. 

I hoped the main cast would have a moment with Eren at some point, probably via Paths, where he—through some ~Paths~ magic—would be able to show them, or even just tell them, his memories/thoughts and they would finally understand him. Maybe they would’ve stood down, feeling like the worst pieces of shit to exist, but still choosing their people’s own survival over the world just like Eren did, before any of them got hurt. 

The Rumbling would finish, Ymir would be freed from Paths, and the Power of the Titans would cease to exist. The Colossal Titans would either turn back into humans the idea that the Wall Titans were actually people was always a cool concept to me and be grateful to Eren/Ymir for freeing them of what the First King did to them, or they would just evaporate if they were mindless Titans manifested from Paths (which is more likely, I think). 

Eren would get to live out the rest of his life peacefully in some remote place in Paradis, visited by and in-contact with his friends but ultimately still distanced from them, and tormented by the price he paid to live in this free world. The last panel could be an older Eren at the ocean again, a parallel to chapter 90, but this time he is free. And alone. Or he could end up back under that tree on the hill, looking at a wall-less world, what he’s always wanted, but he’s still alone. For a less melancholy ending we could see Mikasa and Armin in the distance walking up toward him.

As you can see, I’ve scrapped the man-holding-the-baby panel altogether. I wasn’t opposed to Father Eren theories purely for narrative and thematic reasons, but Eren being romantically involved with someone in-canon is a very hard sell for me, personally, and I would prefer Historia’s pregnancy sub-plot not be a thing at all because whether Eren was the father or not, it still sidelined her. 

Grisha being the man and Eren the baby never made sense to me because how exactly is Eren free, Grisha? Instead of that specific panel, we’d get some rendition of it sooner where Eren tells Ymir she’s free right before she evaporates from existence or whatever. It actually incenses me how the potential of Eren and Ymir’s relationship was wasted so fantastically.

SnK would end up being a cautionary-tale-like story about the horrific consequences (the Rumbling) that came about because humanity let hatred consume them instead of changing their ways. The side in power perpetuated a cycle of hatred and oppression instead of ending it when they had the chance, let it fester for their benefit, and escalated it to the point where discussion and negotiation wasn’t a viable option and only wanted to bring change once it was too late to do so. 

Isayama said in an interview he doesn’t think the story passes judgement on right or wrong, but instead closely examines the circumstances that led the characters down the paths they’ve taken and the choices they’ve made, and I think a full-Rumbling ending would’ve done just that and I think it was his original plan. It wouldn’t be saying Genocide Good, but instead condemning the cycles of hatred and senseless violence humanity let build up to this literal world-destroying, horrific act that could’ve been avoided had they come together sooner.

TL;DR: The Rumbling is completed, Ymir is freed and the Power of the Titans are gone. Eren gets to live, in-contact with his loved ones but still distanced from them, and is tormented by the price he paid for freedom. Last panel is him at the ocean or under the tree in Wall Maria territory looking at a wall-less world. SnK ends as a cautionary tale about the dangers/consequences of letting hatred fester and consume humanity. 

[arodrwho]

me, a few months ago: ah yes just a simple cad sickfic, like 5k words max, that’s all i rly need here, & it’s already fully-outlined so this should b real easy!

me, now, currently: [just past 10k words, seeding the fic w/vague backstory hcs, drowning cad in deep-rooted homesickness, & he hasn’t even realized he’s coming down w/something yet, much less realized he’s having any emotions, & never even mind crashed & been taken care of on physical & emotional levels. that’s like 5000 miles off]

[lesbian-in-leather]

Okay so I was thinking about Esmé and Georgina and... this happened. I don’t know what else to say, other than I am literally incapable of being concise

Summery:

A look at Esmé and Georgina's relationship, mostly from the point of view of the other Volunteers. Set pre-schism, and pre-Esmé's marriage (I've decided that her maiden name was Squalor, since of course Jerome wouldn't argue about taking her name)

[mkstrigidae]

Okay so I'm making my way through your masterlist and I'm in love?? Like let's start off with Winter's Child- a masterpiece. You make Sansa a loving and relatable character and interweave the powers into cannon in a way that actually makes cannon make more sense (preconceived biases and such). Jon and Sansa's relationship is SO SWEET and they way they bonded was absolutely adorable (and the backstory with the houses and the powers they have make so much sense) 1/3

(2/3) Neon Rain literally the best Cyberpunk AU! I've ever read. Like what you did with the world building?? The stark class differences (haha see what I did there?), the choices in SOUND, and I could FEEL myself there! I love the family dynamics between the Starks and I'm loving the little details you're dropping with the Greyjoy's , Jon's parentage, and all of the medical procedures. Jon is dramatic af and I love it and Sansa is a bamf AS SHE SHOULD. Nothing but love for this

(3/3) A Past Worth Having has a special place in my heart. You build up this setting like a tapestry, just seeing more richness and depth the longer you look. I'm proud of Sansa for holding her composure, just FEELING in the angst that the older Starks feel at her return, and loving the relationships with Robin and the rest of the Starks + Jon Arryn. The detail that you're putting into the investigation/Oberyn is awe inspiring and I can't wait to see what you do next with the trial + Jonsa

Haha thank you so much!!! This is such a sweet ask to get! My response is under a cut, because this might get kind of long! (lots of my own meta below, bc i accidentally had a lot to say, haha)

With ‘Winter’s Child’ I’ve really enjoyed weaving in fantasy elements to the world because I like to look at stories and pick at loose threads until they unravel and asking ‘what if?’. I thought it would be a super interesting concept to take a character like Sansa, who in ASOIAF is exactly what she is supposed to be as a noblewoman of her class and conforms very well in that role, and put her in a position where she was essentially a societal outcast in a lot of ways! In WC, Sansa has a lot of similar coping mechanisms to ASOIAF Sansa, in that she sort of romanticizes society to avoid thinking about how absolutely awful it is. In ASOIAF, Sansa holds tight to the notion of knights and chivalry and courtly love to cope with the fact that she essentially has no control over her future and, as a woman, is basically property. In WC, I have her really struggling to make herself into that perfect lady and using that as a sort of shield to the fact that, without a gift, there isn’t anything she can do to improve her lot in life. Sansa has these ideas about becoming a perfect lady and hoping that being perfect in other areas will ‘make up’ for what society perceives as deficient about her, but is more jaded than ASOIAF Sansa due to her age and her earlier exposure to the ills of society. So you get a Sansa who gets along better with Arya and Jon as a result, in part because she’s had that exposure to what it’s like to be an outcast in society. I think that the best fantasy has a really strong emotional backdrop (a really great example is ‘Fruits Basket’ which starts by hooking you with this wacky, fun premise about people in a family turning into animals when hugged by a member of the opposite sex, and slowly builds into a point where you can see that the family ‘curse’ is a representation of generational and familial abuse- of bonds that should be broken, and of bonds that may kill us even as we cling to them- it’s extremely complex and rich and if you haven’t read or watched it, I can’t recommend it highly enough), and so while I really love writing about the fantasy aspects, and writing scenes where Sansa does really cool things with her ice powers, the core of the story is really about Sansa coming into her own, and learning that she was a person who was worth something even without any sort of gift. Sort of overcoming societal stigma and realizing your worth and forcing others to see it. It’s so much fun to write, but i’m stuck at the moment, because i need to reread the books, and my roommate is borrowing them right now haha!

God, APWH is like, indulging my inner world-building suspense-narrative loving writer persona. It’s literally my all time favorite trope- which is of someone growing up to find out that they’re a long-lost somebody or have family they never knew about- combined with a lot of research on trauma (which i’ve been doing for academic and other reasons for a while) and a lot of slowly growing psychological horror courtesy of Petyr Baelish (trust me, it’s going to get WAY more intense). There are so many pieces of media that I love, but I think that GRRM has so many characters and such a well fleshed out world that it’s very fun to dive into his worlds and create something there. Inherently, I love a slowly unraveling mystery and morally gray characters, and this is allowing me to indulge in both!!! World-building is my favorite, because i tend to be fairly detail oriented, and i’ve been laying bread crumbs in so many places throughout the story to hopefully build up to a decent conclusion! I know sort of how it ends, and I think people are going to absolutely lose their minds if I execute it correctly. We have a few chapters to go until we get to anything in the semblance of a trial- there’s some more emotional aspects that I think need to get addressed first, and so I’m so grateful that people are so supportive of being willing to wait for the Jonsa, because they really start spending a lot of time with each other during the trial and prior to the trial (i’m a big believer in bonding via long car rides and so there’s a lot of that!). I’m just so humbled and awed by the response to it- I never dreamed that people would enjoy the story this much- when I started it, I was writing a light-hearted family piece that wouldn’t be too long, and, uh, it kind of evolved from there. Clearly, I am not good at keeping things concise haha.

I left Neon Rain for last, because your comments on this one really made me smile! Of all of my stories, oddly enough, Neon Rain is actually the most deeply personal for me, and I’m just so flattered at your kind words! I spend a lot of my time thinking about the flaws inherent in our society, and without getting too detailed, Sansa’s experience with a family member struggling in the medical system is not unfamiliar to me. There’s a weight that comes with the realization that a system that is supposed to care for people is based on capitalistic ideals of profit maximization, and as someone who has experience working in the healthcare system- no matter how bad you think it is in the US, I can promise you it’s actually worse.

Neon Rain actually just started out as a series of mental images from listening to music that I had to get down on paper, and evolved from there. I actually really love the ‘soulmates’ and ‘class differences’ and ‘mastermind art thief’ tropes, but am incapable of writing fun stories without thinking about the reality of those tropes (see APWH for another extreme example of this haha), and so as I was writing and trying to capture this mental image, the rest of the world began unfolding around me. Jon is different because of a different upbringing here, and so is Sansa, and to see the formerly idealistic Sansa become so jaded by the time she meets her soulmate is just catnip for me. You have this interesting dynamic between them, because Jon wants nothing more than to have Sansa in his life, and give her everything she wants and needs, but where the old Sansa (who was arguably middle-class and somewhat naive, as financially secure teenagers understandably tend to be) would have swooned over that, the Sansa who meets Jon when the story begins is seeing the world and all the unfair and unequal systems in it. She can’t just live happily ever after with him right away- there’s a sense of guilt there, of sansa not feeling like she deserves nice things, and there’s also Sansa’s deep sense of compassion and kindness that won’t allow her to just live life as the well taken-care-of girlfriend of a wealthy man, because she isn’t able to just put on blinders and pretend that all the injustice in the world around her doesn’t exist, simply because it wouldn’t affect her that way anymore.

I think that the core to writing Sansa, for me, in any universe, is that she is a kind and compassionate person who is capable of feeling sympathy towards even the people who have done horrific things to her and her family- that emotional awareness and empathy is a harsh thing to have in a world like Neon Rain, and in our own world, honestly. I’m so glad that you appreciate Sansa’s BAMF-ness in the story- I think that her chapters demonstrate that she is capable of doing extraordinary things when she’s doing them for people she cares for, to be kind (The scene where Alayne helps Robin down from the eyrie is most indicative of this I think), and so in this world, I just love having Sansa be a complete badass out of necessity. Also, it’s fanfiction, and I really wanted to give Sansa a cool motorcyle, because no one else was gonna do it!!!

Also, my characters like to run away with me, and before I knew it, Rodrik Greyjoy had a huge adorable crush on Sansa in the story that I immensely enjoy writing. The Greyjoys are fun because they’re all absolutely insane, and i’m a total sucker for ‘gruff dangerous character is completely a sucker for the kind sunshine-y character’ trope.

God, this accidentally got really long??? I’m sorry- thank you so much for such a kind ask!!! I love hearing what people think of my stories, and this was so sweet :)

[proudgodot]

Gratitude

I was not initially planning to post about this, given that my unfortunate tendency to over-share has caused me quite a bit of grief in the past, but the truth is that I simply couldn’t resist this time. Typically when I am overcome by an uncontrollable desire to post it is because I am desperately in need of attention or validation, so much so that I can’t actually remember a time when I posted because I was genuinely eager to share something. It was always out of some perverse and misplaced sense of obligation, but it finally feels as if that burden is lifted. While I was writing this post, it was because I felt a genuine…. pride over something I had accomplished, something I genuinely wanted to share with the world. When I chose the name of this blog I didn’t earnestly expect that I would ever feel anything other than shame about myself… it seemed more an ideal than an actual plausible prediction. I’m just so relieved my wish came true.

Anyway, I suppose that is quite enough navel-gazing for the time being… I can only imagine my followers have probably had enough of that to last a long and fulfilling lifetime. I reckon it’s time to move on to the actual story.

As most of you well know, following the dramatic events of the Kristahlia drama, I suddenly found myself with the new responsibility of parenthood. There are certainly aspects of my new lifestyle that have been difficult to adjust to… principle of which is that I am supposed to serve as a sort of role model for these developing and damaged boys. I have never been particularly aspirational, in fact you would be hard-pressed to find someone as underperforming as me. Although I was prone to overcompensating for such things, always desperately trying to prove that I was capable of as much as the bare minimum, looking back I see that I grew too comfortable with those low expectations. When it registered that as a caretaker I would suddenly have to perform a sort of excellence, not for the sake of my fragile ego but for the betterment of these children… I was immediately overcome by a painful inadequacy. However, as our first week together progressed, I came to realize that in certain regards all of us were personally inadequate, and it was for that very reason we had taken on this responsibility together. Although I certainly had my short-comings, that wasn’t something unique to me, and over time we all began to coordinate better and help manage each other’s weaknesses. I was somewhat surprised to learn this was not only true of the adults, but the children as well. The dynamic we developed as a family was rather symbiotic… I found that regardless of age we all had something to offer each other.

Regardless, I promised myself that I would do whatever it took to keep my found family as distant as possible from my most severe personal issues. My past was something I felt I had to resolve independently, no matter how tempting it was to once again depend on the people in my life to solve my problems in my stead. That is why when I made the decision to start looking into Anton’s whereabouts, I never spoke a word about it to my housemates.

Facebook made finding his account incredibly easy, distressingly so in fact. I became acutely aware of the possibility that he might have been recommended my account numerous times over the years and had consciously chosen not to send me a friend request, which although completely understandable still hurt immensely to imagine. Perhaps my hopelessly romantic dream to reconnect with the man was unrequited, and would be rejected with extreme prejudice if vocalized. Eventually, however, I managed to muster up the courage to actually inspect his profile. I discovered that after our quarrel six years ago and his subsequent transferral Anton had moved back to his hometown in Ann Arbor to complete his degree in art and design. Since graduating, he had been working as a freelance artist and animator… he often posted about how proud of his projects he was, and it was reassuring to see his enthusiasm had not diminished in the slightest over the years. One detail about his profile that immediately jumped out at me was his relationship status, which was currently set to single. Despite myself, I immediately felt a small flicker of hope ignite within my quickened heart. Upon further investigation, it appeared he’d been involved in several relationships over the years that had ultimately ended in failure, although the circumstances were unclear. I only hoped he hadn’t made a habit of dating unappreciative losers…

I managed to quell my anxiety briefly and force myself to send him a friend request, which almost immediately filled me with a sense of mounting dread. My anticipation wasn’t even allowed much time to simmer, because mere minutes after I sent the message I was notified that it had been accepted. Instinctively, I slammed my laptop shut and jumped out of my seat, forgetting that I was incapable of standing up so quickly without losing all feeling in my legs and face planting into the floor. I instantly regretted not taking Addy’s advice and getting that checked by a doctor, because soon enough the entire family was in my room gathered around my body and asking questions with varying degrees of concern and amusement. Although I had wanted to keep my activity a secret, at that moment I was swept away in the drama, and so I began to mindlessly rant about the situation.

I don’t know what I was expecting, but soon enough there were six pairs of hands all frantically scrambling for control of my keyboard. While I laid incapacitated on the floor, my friends had taken it upon themselves to respond to Anton’s messages, each expressing their own thoughts from my account in randomly alternating orders depending on who had managed to prevail in the wrestling. It seemed that Iara maintained the upper hand most of the fight, although it was admittedly difficult to tell over the frenzy at times considering my limited view from the floor.

Eventually, the chaos subsided and everyone turned to look at me with beaming smiles on their faces, some more devious than others. I immediately began to worry that they had sabotaged me somehow, be it in light-hearted jest or in an earnest act of betrayal, and so I asked them nervously what exactly they had done. For a moment it seemed they were trying to contain their excitement, but it didn’t take long for them to erupted into an uproarious celebration, complete with victorious chants that Anton was coming to meet us in person this evening!

I didn’t know how to react. All at once a tempest of conflicting emotions completely overpowered me… and I mean that quite literally. I knocked out cold, and when I finally woke up I discovered that not only had Kyler been trying to shock me awake by applying Takis to my tongue, but that the situation had not miraculously resolved itself. Although everyone else had mostly settled down, my mind was whirling a mile a minute with all of the things I had to do to prepare. I had a whole bucket list I needed to accomplish before I was comfortable standing in front of Anton again… and as much as I hated to admit it, I couldn’t possibly get everything done myself over such a brief time. To my surprise, I didn’t even have a chance to put my reservations aside before they had already agreed to help me based off of my panicked listing of errands alone. Despite my reluctance to involve my new friends in the more turbulent aspects of personal life, it seemed they were actually eager to get involved themselves… I discovered that my problems were not an inconvenience to them, but rather something they were excited to help me work through.

The first obstacle I had to overcome was also the hardest… that being that I had never properly apologized to Gabriella and Lana for my dishonest and frankly abusive treatment. It wasn’t so much that I didn’t have the words to express my remorse or that I hadn’t processed my guilt, but that Gabriella’s parting words to me specifically informed me not to contact her and I didn’t want to once again disrespect her wishes. However, after some words of encouragement from the family, I managed to write a relatively concise three thousand word email taking responsibility for my past actions and wishing the couple well. As I was writing this post, I actually received a response from the two telling me they appreciated my apology and were glad to see I had grown into a more mature person. Apparently they have just finished settling into their cottage and are now doing better than ever. Lana even expressed an interest in meeting Addy and Iara in particular sometime… I suppose it’s a sapphic thing. I’m just glad that they’re finally living the happy life they deserve without being held back by backwards men.

My email took longer to type then I had expected, and although I certainly can not regret pouring my heart into the message given its importance, it did mean that we had to pick up the pace with the rest of the bucket list. Kyler took this quite literally, speeding at what must have been 100 miles per hour towards the mall despite nearly giving me a heart attack and my insistence that he not set such a bad example for Chris and Klav. We actually ended up getting pulled over, but luckily Iara managed to scare the officer away with her signature scowl. The next few hours were a frantic rush of errands, all focused on helping me actually express myself without the burden of repression. There were moments when it was a struggle, such as when I nearly hyperventilated in Claire’s before they pierced my ears, but ultimately I am immensely satisfied with the results. The most fulfilling moment was finally getting the tips of my hair bleached white to match my new profile picture. Chris actually got his hair dyed alongside me, changing his style from pale blond to black and white to reflect his new kin. It was incredibly rewarding to accomplish this alongside him… I had never been the subject of anything but disappointment from my parents, so it was an incredible feeling to be able to experience that absent parental pride for myself, even if it was with a different perspective.  

By the time Anton was forecasted to arrive, my appearance had been upgraded to better reflect my current sense of self… all that was left was for me to get in the right mindset. Luckily, my family was perfectly eager to act as my own personal “hype beasts,” as Kyler put it. They offered excellent emotional support in the half-hour we sat in the den patiently awaiting his arrival, especially Addy, who really took my mind off things by offering to play me in a game of chess. I lost quite handedly, but for once I don’t have it in me to be a spoilsport. When we heard that fateful knock at the door, they all immediately ran into the nearest closest and shut themselves inside to give us some space, but not before giving me a final set of encouraging thumbs up. I hesitated for a moment, questioning once again whether I was really ready to take such a big step in my life. My hand paused, hovering over the door knob uncertainly… until I heard the faint sounds of Steely Dan’s Come on Eileen coming from inside the closet, accompanied by the muffled sound of Klav’s giggle. Reignited by the familiar sounds of my favorite musicians, I swung the door open with a new and uncharacteristic conviction.

And there he was… I was immediately captivated by just how strong his presence was. My memories hadn’t done him justice… it really was like I was in the presence of an angel. I was comforted by certain familiar aspects of his appearance, such as his golden brown eyes that glistened like stars, his long curly hair with its comforting strawberry aroma, and his signature checkered scarf that he had been consistently wearing for almost decade now… but what really excited me were those new features. Normally I am turned off by change, but I was positively breathless as soon as my eyes wandered to the golden butterfly tattoo on his exposed shoulder. I felt as if I was going to faint for a second time in one day. 

I couldn’t find the words to express the depths of my emotion no matter how hard I searched my impassioned soul... there were no words strong enough. Instead I just cried, and wordlessly he accepted me into his arms… just like he had on that life-changing night all those years ago. I finally told him everything I had so obstinately refused to say during college… that I was gay, that I was in love with him, and that I was sorry. Although I was openly weeping, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more relieved in my life.

Eventually, he managed to pacify me… and so I was able to explain to him the entire story of the Kristahlia drama. It was difficult to explain that I had managed to go from discoursing with these teenage kinnies to adopting them, but he was as understanding as he ever was. He was so excited to meet my family that he even brought his cat Apple all the way from Michigan just to introduce her to them. I don’t think I have ever mentioned this publicly, but when Krissy died I had to take her dog Diogenes in myself, and I was surprised to find that the two animals got along perfectly. It really did feel like the entire house was accepting him... it was as if this was meant to be.

Since Anton had gone to all the trouble of making the ten hour drive to Iowa, he suggested that we might as well all hang out together in Cedar Rapids over the weekend. I suppose it’s a date... I must say that I am looking forward to it, as are the others. I know I didn’t deserve to be accepted by him again just because I spent a few hours shedding tears and profusely apologizing, but for once I don’t feel guilty that I have received something I don’t deserve. I just feel... an overwhelming gratitude for the opportunity.

I am certainly still inexperienced at this whole family business and have accepted that I will inevitably make some mistakes in the future, but I don’t think I’ve done too poorly for a first week, if I do say so myself. I am truly grateful to all the people in my life who have supported me through my journey, who have taught me that it is possible to rely on others without being a parasite and to be relied on without shouldering the entire burden. 

To my partners, my friends, my children, and my love... from the bottom of my heart, thank you. 

[melancholic-pigeon]

@firebirdofscythia tagged me in a thing and as I am incapable of being concise, I'm splitting it off lol

relationship status: polyalterous! I have two partners and we're all some form of aroace. They aren't together and have never actually met, since I haven't been able to work out travel arrangements, but they know about each other (obviously) and someday all three of us plus half of our collective friends are going to live together in a huge dilapidated Victorian mansion by the sea.

I consider myself, as my ex-boyfriend said when he was dating me and had just started dating his current boyfriend, polysaturated (i.e. I'm set and fulfilled with the two of them and am not looking). 

favorite color: I have no single favorite anything. I literally can't narrow down choices that much. 😂 It also depends a lot on context!

The warmest color I can get away with wearing is extremely aggressively bright daffodil yellow, but I'm currently making a scarf for a warm-toned friend in an absolutely beautiful shade of coral struck through with subtle notes of tangerine, and I cry a little over the fact that if I wear anything with even a hint of orange in it I look like a Victor Hugo character who's about to drop dead of consumption which means I can never ever wear coral 🥺 

I wear almost exclusively black and most of the things I own are in bi pride flag colors, aurora borealis colors, or colors that wouldn't be out of place at a black light rave. Generally, the bolder the color, the more I'm going to like it. 

three favorite foods: AUGH THE NARROWING THINGS DOWN AGAIN okay okay if I must: sushi, burgers and peaches. 

...I can't resist; my three favorite foods to make are cheesecake, corn chowder and my grandmother's recipe for chewy chocolate cookies (they're kinda like sugar cookies, but deeply densely chocolatey). I actually hate cheesecake, but my sister loves it and I love her and she doesn't let me say that very often because she's not super huge on ~*feelings*~ so I bake my emotions instead and it turns out cheesecake is REALLY FUN

Song(s) stuck in my head: Fantine's Death; I Wanna Dance With Somebody; Prelude: The Ballad of Sweeney Todd; On My Own; the Jurassic Park theme (Yes, this is completely normal for me, lmao)

Last song I listened to: Fantine's Death, apparently, which explains why it's stuck in my head! 

The last thing I googled: "gunmetal", because I couldn't remember if the name of the color was just gunmetal or gunmetal gray. ("gunmetal gray" is apparently a novel.) 

Time: IS MEANINGLESS

Dream Trip: I want to go to Kyoto with my dad. He's very passionate about karate— he's a black belt who used to teach part time at his dojo when he was in high school— and he's wanted to go like, forever, but he's never had the time or funds. I studied Japanese in school and used to be able to speak it at like an N3, but I've fallen far enough out of practice that I'm back to an N4, and I want to get back in an immersion setting and maybe have a chance to use some of it and also I very much wish to see a Takarazuka performance.

That or Ireland, since I am the only person in my family who hasn't gone yet. ☹

I'm bad at tagging for a variety of reasons, but if you want to do this, consider yourself tagged and ping me in your response! I wanna see.