#I am legit so sad about it even though we basically already knew

[jaylamcd68]

The Rookie 4x01 Episode Summary

Spoilers Ahead

Opens up with the team approaching a warehouse asking for permission to breach.. then it flashes back to immediately after the wedding and they watch video surveillance of Angela and Jackson being taken.. West was killed 😭😭 It flashes back to Grey giving them permission to breach. They find the getaway car but no Lopez. The car is wired with C4 so they leave and discover plane tracks on the road.

Lopez is tied on a plane with La Fiera. She informs Angela she isn’t going to kill her .. yet.. La Fiera tells Angela she needs her to “safely deliver my baby” first😭

Grey and Wesley speak with the DEA and the feds tell them they have no proof that Lopez was even on that plane so they can’t help them. Grey is livid because he just “lost a someone who was like a son to me”😭😭😭

Guatemala: La Fiera shows Angela her new room and introduces her to her doctor. Angela tells her not to touch her and La Fiera says she needs to play nice because she can either be treated like a surrogate or an incubator.

Los Angeles: Nolan and Chen are at the station, rightfully upset about Jackson’s death. Tim and Nyla come in and they discuss why La Fiera wouldn’t have just killed her there too, Lucy comes up with the correct suspicion that she wants to steal Angela’s baby. Grey comes in with Detective whatshisface (Angela’s new boss) and they say Jackson scratched his killer in the struggle - helping to solve his own murder 😭😭😭😭

Chenford moment alert: Lucy doesn’t think she can go back to their apartment and see Jackson’s empty room. Tim invites her to stay with him!!!!

Wesley goes to speak with a former client in hopes to get info on Angela’s. Wesley tells him he would do anything to get Angela back including becoming crooked.

Guatemala: Angela wakes up in the middle of the night and speaks with her security guard.

Los Angeles: Tim is setting up the couch for him to sleep on planning on giving Lucy his bed and she’s like no I can’t kick you out. Tim asks Lucy if there is anything she needs and Lucy says, the past 24 hours back 😭😭😭 but then they hug and they have that moment from the trailer .. and THEN THEY BOTH ARE CONTEMPLATING GOING BACK OUT TO EACH OTHER.. chenford is happening this season I CAN FEEL IT. But Tim gets a call that Wesley knows where they are keeping Angela.

The team gathers in (I think) Wopez’s living room discussing how they will get Angela back. They are going to get in contact with Max, the leader of the black ops fed team that they did the deal with over the counterfeit money/homeless guy murder last season to see if they could get them into Guatemala and perhaps lend tactical support. Grey informs Nolan that today actually marks the end of his time in the FTO program. John is officially a P2😢 Grey and Lucy are going to work Jackson’s murder case, while the rest head to Guatemala 😭 At the station they all have the black bands over their badges for Jackson😭 Head Detective dude says that he wants this guy dead or alive, and deadly force is authorized from the get go but Grey insists that this is not a revenge mission.

Nyla and Tim are with John at his house. Nolan wants to get the blueprints to La Fiera’s compound because the satellite pictures they have are trash. They get a knock on the door and it’s someone from the Black Ops team. They can get them in and out with gear but no personnel and if anything goes wrong they are on their own.

Guatemala: the trio arrive in Guatemala. They have 10 hours to go get Angela and get back. Wesley arrives by public plane. He tells the military personnel that he has an offer for la Fiera that she would kill to hear as a way to get them to take him to her. Nyla and Tim set up an overwatch on the compound. Nolan goes to meet the architect of the compound in an attempt to get the blueprints. He is pretended to be a contractor for a millionaire wanting to build his own compound. The office manager seems suspicious so Nolan goes and sets of the fire alarm so he can go steal the blueprints. He gets them but then leaves the drawer open!??

Wesley arrives and tells la Fiera that he could get a US senator to cut import terrifs for the legitimate companies that she uses to smuggle her drugs in. She tells him she will maybe consider it but really it’s not about the money.

LA: Grey gives Lucy a pep talk about being able to do the job even when it hurts. They see the suspect and he runs into a nearby apartment building. Grey finds the suspect holding him at gun point and when Lucy asks for his position he turns off his radio. Grey tells the suspect about Jackson and that he is tempted to get revenge and pull the trigger on him just like he pulled it on Jackson, but he doesn’t.

Guatemala: Wesley hugs Angela and tries to tell her they have a plan and the security guard flips out. Nolan arrives and says there is really only one way into the place based on the blueprints only for them to realize that there are now bars there. Tim says they need to move to plan B which Nyla disproves of.

In LA Lucy arrives home and looks into Jackson’s room 😭😭😭😭 Tim calls Lucy and tells her they are moving to Plan B which Lucy also doesn’t like but tells Tim to give her a bit to get ready. Before she hangs up Lucy tells Tim to be safe 😭❤️. Tim calls Max and says they have a new pick up point. They set off fireworks to inform Wesley they are moving to plan B. Wesley tells Angela that he has to inject her with a drug to induce contractions and that Harper has a drug to counteract the effects. They need to go to the hospital since she is only 6 months pregnant. La Fiera suspects something is up and tells her guards to take Wesley to be killed in the orchard and then meet them at the hospital.

John sees this happening. He tells Tim and Nyla that he has to go save him or he would never be able to look Angela in the eyes again. They tell Nolan they only have one chance to get on the chopper out of here so it’s basically a suicide mission. Lucy is tracking La Fiera’s car from LA via highway cameras. She has a police escort.

John is chasing Wesley’s captors. Meanwhile arriving at the hospital Nyla comes out with a wheelchair which has a gun on it that she pushes to Angela. Tim slams into the police car with a ambulance. They are chased by la Fiera and the team through the hospital and arrive at the chopper. La Fiera grazes Angela with a bullet and Angela turns around and shoots her dead (we assume). They tell Max they have to make another stop and when he tries to say he told them only one stop, the three of them pull their guns on him and he agrees to get John and Wesley.

At the orchard with the security guard. Wesley is being walked to his death. The security guard asks Wesley if he wants the bullet in the face or the back of the head and he says neither and John sets off a tractor and then attacks them from behind. There is a struggle but they make it out alive and to the chopper. Everyone is on their way home safe and sound 😭❤️

Then they time jump to three months later. Baby Wopez is a boy😭 Lucy gives a basket from her “and Nyla” of a whole bunch of natural homemade treats to which, after Lucy leaves, Nyla says she wouldn’t eat any of, but that it was something that made Lucy happy to make so she just went with it. Angela goes to Jackson’s grave to give him an update on her life. They named the baby Jackson😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Man there were SO many tears this episode 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[btsandvmin]

What made you like Jimin individually and Taehyung individually ? And do you have a slight preference between the two ?

I love all the members so much, and for me picking a bias is still kind of difficult. I have concluded that I do bias both Jimin and Tae but kind of switch between them at different times for different reasons. As for a bias wrecker I legit cannot choose and it changes all the time.

The way I got into BTS was through the BST MV and then trying to learn the members (the first one I learned and checked up on was Namjoon). I also got fascinated by the BU storyline as storytelling and analysis/reviews is a big hobby of mine (the fandoms I’ve been in are many, and character/story analyses/reviews/theories are something I have engaged in a lot). 

On top of that I work in the media industry and have an interest for visual storytelling as well and I got hooked by the concepts, the beautiful MV and the both story-based and symbolical clues they left. I also loved their music and like groups in general because of the interesting vocal dynamics you can create.  Basically, BTS managed to hit all my buttons and I had to look up more.

Mind you, I barely knew the members' names properly and I was already investigating the meaning of their MV and storyline. I listened to their album and loved the songs before I could tell which member was who. (Both Awake and First love made me cry without even knowing the lyrics).  I also have to mention how much I love both of Vmin’s voices, who are both very unique and interesting. I basically biased their voices before I knew who they were. (Fun or sad fact but I am really bad with faces and actually learned the members' singing voices before their faces.)

Let’s just say that I got into the music and visuals/concept first, and then started to consume material to get to know the members. They all also had incredible chemistry between each other and reminded me a lot of one of my favorite j-pop groups with their dynamics. 

What I started to watch was “get to know them” videos and recent interviews and clips, meaning from BST era. It was hard for me to not notice Jimin (even though vocal line were the ones I had the hardest time separating from each other in the very beginning). And perhaps even more so since the introduction videos tended to have a lot better and varied things to say about Jimin amongst vocal line. But even on his own Jimin simply stood out to me during the BST era when I joined. He took a lot of space in the group as a performer (especially with his high notes, his dancing, his hair and his outfits all combined) but also as an individual in off stage material. I fell for his voice and performance and the “Jimin effect” was hitting me hard. 

I also related to him a lot. I am a sort of clingy but shy person who is a perfectionist and likes being in control. I also thought he was both cute and funny without being too over the top with things like aegyo (I mean, we all know he is horrible at it when he tries to do it on purpose). I think the way Jimin is so open (though private) makes him easy to understand and relate to. He has a lot of different moods and there is an honesty in how much he shows us even though he clearly still remained in control.

As time went by, I found myself focusing on Jimin more than the other members and I realized my bias. I was simply drawn to him more than the others from the start. That in turn brings me to Taehyung... Because honestly, at the time it was impossible not to notice their closeness. And looking up a lot of old material, where Jimin was there was also Taehyung. They were very clingy and had a lot of cute interactions. One of the first things I watched of their more off-stage material was also Bon Voyage in Scandinavia (being from there myself I was extra curious) and the Vmin moments in there just cemented their bond for me.

I am not saying I only appreciate Tae for ship reasons, simply that Vmin got my attention early on and that did make me focus more on Taehyung as well. I thought as many that he was a bit odd, but very funny and playful, that he was incredibly good-looking (my opinion from the start was that JK and Tae were the most good-looking) but also a bit difficult to read. Taehyung made me want to understand him, and I was interested in him for quite different reasons than how I related to Jimin. I love him for his way of thinking and how he seems to have this innocence or happiness in the small things about him. Like, Tae getting lost in Sweden but still being happy about the small adventure, enjoying himself and stopping to blow on a dandelion might just be one of the most endearing things I have ever seen. (Honestly, another point I relate to Jimin on so much is his love for Tae and how he just makes us smile no matter what he does.)

Of course, as they change and as I get to watch them more, the more I find to love and appreciate (as well as flaws of course) and now I would say all the members are just very precious to me and I love them both for who they are on their own and for their bond as a group. It is impressive and not to be understated how rare it is to find a bond like theirs. I have seen many groups, and few are as compatible as BTS, and few seem to truly love each other the way they do.

But as for bias it will likely always be Jimin and Taehyung unless there is some drastic change.

For Jimin I love the way he dances while controlling every fiber of his body, the way he pours love into all his relationships but isn’t afraid to call people out, the way he keeps getting funnier (I think Jimin’s sense of humor is so underrated), the way he acts like an angel but actually has the whole world fooled (and he knows it), the way he shows his emotions so animatedly no matter if he gets annoyed or laughs with his whole body, the way he knows his principles and stands his ground when he believes in something, the way he works so hard to improve and better himself both as a performer and as a human, the way he thinks about things deeply and is so eloquent with how to express it, the way he is there for both ARMY, his members and even strangers because he is empathic to his core. There is a lot to love with Jimin, and he always makes sure to return that love when deserved.

For Taehyung I love the way he stand against the norms, the way he shows it’s ok to be different and embrace himself and others without judgement, the way he almost plays with us when he performs, the way he sings with such emotion and how he loves to express himself through all kinds of art forms, the way he learns and take in valid criticism but isn’t afraid to call bullshit, the way he knows when to be serious but also the importance of having fun, the way he is both the biggest dork and a fierce performer at once (I mean he can be so unapologetically silly and then suddenly switch to lethal seduction), the way his unique way of thinking opens up to new points of view, the way he can’t help but show his excitement or love for something and wants to share it with the people around him. He goes all out when he loves something and doesn’t hide his opinions when he doesn’t. Taehyung is just a very honest (though perfectly capable of lying and fooling us thank you very much) and incredible person that I both admire and adore.

There is just so much, and even small things get to me, like don’t get me started on their smiles, or even just their habits when they laugh... (how Tae usually laughs quietly but once in a while will let out these light giggles, or the way Jimin seem to automatically covers his face when he laughs).

I love them both to death (as all the members). It is not easy to just sit down and pour years of love into words, but I tried. I love them both as singers, performers, artists, and humans. I also love them as soulmates and how much they both just spread love and positivity to the people around them. The impact they have had on me, and surely many of you, is hard to comprehend. I am so lucky and happy that I decided to become a fan of this wonderful group and these wonderful people.

Phew, that was a lot wasn’t it? All opinion based, probably a bit hard to understand and not very well structured either. This is all just a flow of consciousness, and I likely forgot to mention a lot of things I could have said. Even so I hope you found it a nice read. :) Thank you for the ask.

[bossbex]

5x05 Reaction

WOW it’s been a while since I did an episode reaction post.  I’M EXCITED ABOUT THIS SHOW AGAIN!!!

The bughead walk home.  I liked this! I liked how it was awkward.  WHAT WAS IN THE VOICEMAIL??? Does Jughead even know what’s in the voicemail? 

Varchie walk home.  Cute! Friendly.  Was getting zero romantic, or even tense vibes.  He tells her that he hasn’t been in a relationship since her, which completely makes sense considering he’s been in the army since high school.  He didn’t say he hasn’t been with anyone, just that he hasn’t been in a relationship.  

Ok how old are the twins? Shouldn’t they be like 10? Alice is talking about them like they’re babies lmao “shhh, I just got them down”

Poor sad Jug.  I actually really like this turn for him... reminds me of S1 Jughead which was honestly the last time I really loved his character?? And obviously they are setting him up to be at his lowest so he can only go up from here (with a few bumps, probably) 

Kevin and Betty friendship YES!!! HOW is Betty only going through Charles’ stuff NOW, 7 years later after he was discovered to be a serial killer? I know it’s obviously just so she can play the Polly tape which is relevant to the plot of this episode and we shouldn’t be asking more questions but COME ON

Veronica and Hiram... this seems... repetitive... but I liked what happened with her character by the end of this episode. 

BOSS TONI I AM OBSESSED!!! And I love that they are all mad about his book, it’s great.  “You mean, the Vipers?” LMAO

AND MORE BOSS TONI!!! THEY’VE BEEN WASTING HER FOR 3 SEASONS SHE IS AMAZING

And Archie back to savior mode, we love to see it.  

Jugitha? Tabhead? I like their banter.  I’m into it.  I’m just really hoping that they don’t use another WOC as a plot device for Jughead to get back with Betty. If it happens, make it meaningful.  

MORE BOSS TONI!!! I love that Toni has never once strayed from her morals... no amount of money is going to make her screw over a bunch of students and work for Hiram lodge. 

“It used to be Kevin and I would sneak peaks through that window, hoping you were shirtless” BETTY YOU ARE SHAMELESS (also I absolutely LOVE a pilot reference) 

Wtf is Reggie doing.  Will he have a redemption arc? I really hope so! Like that he was blackmailed into working for Hiram and he is protecting his family in some way? Or something? Or maybe they have decided that he’s just “bad” now.  His hair is certainly bad...

Ok so Veronica is looking at getting a job as a... sports agent?? In LA?? Ok, Riverdale.  Sure.  And I guess she’s just done with Chad? Which ok, sure, that guy’s awful.  

SMITHERS LIVES!!!!!!!!!!

Lmao of course Monica Posh is back.  And this guy just casually has $30K cash laying around? Sounds legit.  

Ok I really thought the Betty gun scene was going to be Archie but turns out it’s Polly! Which I am happy to see!!! So it seems like Alice and Polly are bitter with Betty for “abandoning” them... which like, I don’t think that going to school and getting a job in a different state is “abandoning” your family.  But it does sound like Betty doesn’t call much and basically hasn’t been back to Riverdale since she left for college? Which is like... kinda shitty.  I wonder if that will be delved into a bit more.  Oh, who am I kidding, I know what show I’m watching.  

Toni at the Cooper house? Toni and Alice team up?? We love to see it!!!  

Ok Jughead lying about staying at the 5 seasons and actually staying in the bunker is just the saddest thing ever.  

Ok, I LOVE Tabitha?? “I think I’d remember a weird-ass name like that” LMAO. I Also love that she called the guy “pumpkin” in response to him calling her “sweetie” lol.  So good.  

Veggie comeback?? I miss them!!! But his hair... I can’t get past his hair. 

I actually love this plot point with Polly being involved with the Ghoulies and that being what gets Betty passionate about the raid (she had already offered help but now she’s IN)

The Betty and Archie arm touch? “You good?” I CAN’T

Can Kevin ever say a line without being interrupted? That’s just a running gag now lol.  I did enjoy the Succession reference though.  AND MORE BOSS TONI like seriously it’s so good.  

Ok I love how the plot point of Riverdale “going private” exists solely to allow all the main characters to become teachers there without having any teaching qualifications whatsoever LMAO.  Sure yes ok.  

I feel like Veronica should be asking her mom for help with Chad and not her dad? Wouldn’t she be more experienced in that side of things? Oh wait, we’re not supposed to ask questions about logic of storylines.  I do like the Hiram refused her help and brought up the scene “7 years ago” where she compared him to a dog, lol.  

Ok I feel like Betty is justified in questioning Polly about lying about where she’s working at the drugs (and since when has she ever done anything sensitively or discreetly?) and Polly is also justified in being defensive about it and thinking it’s none of Betty’s business since she hasn’t been around.  You know who’s business it IS, though? ALICE’S!!! Maybe Alice is overcompensating for sending Polly to SoQM years ago but she is all kinds of enabling her now.  

BARCHIEEEEEEEEEEEEE I could write a whole post on this.  Maybe I should? THE TENSION!! THE AKWARDNESS!!! “Cool” ---ARCHIE WAS SO NERVOUS WITH HER!!! THE SHOWER!!! OF COURSE BETTY CAN’T GO NEXT DOOR AND SHOWER AT HOME THAT WOULD BE TOO LOGICAL!!! THE LOOK THEY GIVE EACH OTHER THEY BOTH JUST FUCKING KNOW!!! THAT WAS SUCH A LONG AND EXPLICIT SEX SCENE FOR THE CW!!!!!! I KNEW IT WAS COMING FROM THE PROMO BUT I WAS STILL NOT READY!!!

Ok I’ve caught my breath... thoughts on this: 

This was LONG overdue.  I thought it was perfect.  They are adults, they both wanted each other, there was absolutely nothing in their way, and the show made sure that there was NO ambiguity about what they were doing.  They fucked in the shower, that’s it.  Some other notes - Betty twice in this episode talks about how Archie hasn’t changed - he is STILL the boy she has loved since she was a kid.

AND THEN THE CONVERSATION IMMEDIATELY AFTER!!! This show would normally not even have the characters address it.  We would have gone straight to the Pop’s scene with no discussion. “Something we’ve been wanting to do since high school but never got around to” I SCREAMED.  And their SMILES they are both so happy. I LOVED THIS!!! So we’re getting FWB barchie, great, I’m here for it.  You can see though, by both of their expressions, it’s more than that for both of them.  BETTY’S LIP BITE AT THE END GIRL IS IN LOOOOOVE

Jug’s speech at the retirement party was really good.  

Ok this Choni scene is just lovely.  They are both so soft I’M CRYING. “If our love ever meant anything to you, help us” SOB. 

Betty is the first one to agree to help Archie, noted.

Uh oh, Jughead is going to get in trouble again for writing about all his friends.  Or will he dig his way out of this? 

One last barchie moment TEXTING they are SICK

Jughead and Archie roomies!!! I love this!!! So much potential for tension and akwardness!! 

TL;DR - this episode was GREAT, barchie is HOT, and Toni is BOSS, this dynamic change up was NEEDED

[dolokhoded]

me starting to actually write this even though it still very obviously has some plot wholes

that ralbert au where race commits war crimes

i think it's really cute

so pulitzer is the big bad guy here for i'm basic reasons

has created some,, weird ass dumb ass evil empire

destroyed a couple towns

caused some battles

divided the world

y'know. stuff like that.

starting off with some spicy unfinished plot 🤩 but lbh it doesn't really matter anyways we're all just here for ralbert

anyways, race and al's families? pretty big part of that.

they're both supposed to take over their fathers' jobs when they grow up

said jobs basically being,, in charge of,,, unleashing people to raid entire towns and burn them to the ground

they grew up side by side, have always been best friends, never seen without each other

but understandably when they started growing up and understanding what was going on around them it,,,,,,, troubled them

and they dealed with it Very Differently

albert did Not like it

he was angry, and he was sad that this was what he was supposed to become and he was already never close with his family so it wasn't really hard for him to decide he didn't want anything to do with them anymore

race,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, okay look

deep inside him race knew what was going on was,,, s o wrong

but race was also from a big tight family, it was so much easier for him to just,,,,,, shut all of that out and pretend he was just doing what was better for them

it was hard for him, it was his family

still you can understand how well it went for them when albert left and race refused to go with him

they were 17 at the time

people against pulitzer's whole thing were obviously not very,,,,,,,,, well appreciated?

the moment albert ran away he was art of the defiance. he was a traitor.

but he was also still dasilva's son and they wanted them on their side, so they wouldn't seriously hurt him

doesn't mean they stopped looking for him

he shared an apartment with romeo and finch for a while, it was in a pretty lowkey neighborhood and they covered for him

and through them he met the rest of the newsies :) who actively helped in trying to help people who's homes were destroyed by pulitzer

there were people actively fighting him too but the newsies were mostly in charge of that

well, until albert and his non-existent impulse control arrived anyways

cause look,,,,, race was being trained for a reason, and eventually he took over

so when you see this ur ex-best friend who you're in love with but have a lot of repressed feelings for, both good and bad, that you decide to dump in the 'im angry' pile and just pretend you hate him and no longer care about him,,,,, fighting occurs

and there was a bit of controversy about albert joining them because "it's the dasilva boy romeo he was specifically trained to kick our asses" but that slowly turns into "yea ok he's very legit but for the love of god someone s t o p him the next time he tries to kiLL SOMEONE-"

that's a hyperbole, of course. even as rivals, albert wouldn't kill race. he barely even hurts him.

if anything, he even kind of looks out for him

he knows he's not supposed to but somehow he still can't bring himself to let race get hurt

besides let's be honest, most of their encounters are just an excuse to bitch at each other, they'd never do anything they know would seriously hurt the other

they know each other pretty well, they grew up together, they know each other's strengths and weaknesses

which is a pretty big advantage for them, honestly

enter,,,, albert dasilva's galaxy brain and the newsies' favorite game

Is Albert A Strategic Genius Or Is He Just In Love With Race

"no i've got this i know race!! i can use that against him!!!! i can guess his every move!!!! that's how well i know him!!!! i can recognize him in a room of like a billion people!!!!! it's my ultra strategic mind!!!! i can tell the sound of his voice from miles away!!!! it's because im so invested!!!!"

specs is like "in the mission or in race"

and albert is like "WHATEVER ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT IT'S MY STRATEGIC MIND"

"I AM A MACHINE SPECS"

"you're chronically dumb"

"S T R A T E G I C M I N D."

albert really came in like well race's plan's gonna be ruined cause IM IN LOVE WITH HIM >:) what a fuckin loser

all this aside,,,,,,, albert never stops trying to get race on their side .

now RACETRACK,,,,,,,,,

we have a WHOLE LOT of being an asshole as a defense mechanism from this boy

in race's eyes, albert abandoned him

in race's eyes, he was given up on. he just wasn't enough to keep him there.

he can't see anything but that and never in a million years would he bring himself to believe albert still cares about him

he'd be getting his hopes too high and letting down his guard, and he can't afford to do that.

race doesn't notice albert trying to help him, he doesn't notice albert very carefully avoiding injuring him, he doesn't notice how albert will never say anything that would hurt him

albert's always protective of race, regardless of if he's beside or against him

which leads us to how once race eventually does get hurt, seriously hurt, literally no one bats an eye when albert returns with race unconscious, demanding they get him help

which they do, cause albert has not shut up about race for like one second, the newsies might as well know as much about him as albert did

naturally when race woke up he,,, had questions

and then he saw albert

he was sat on a chair next to him, sleeping

and this is the first time he's seen him like this in ages

and he gets a little chocked up because holy shit he almost forgot albert was,,,,,like,,, a person

and it wasn't necessary to only see him when fighting

he still had a life and friends and people he loved and he wasn't just this dude who left them because he didn't give a shit about anyone

he could genuinely care for people and he could love people and race just remembered how much he wished he could be one of those people

and how much he wished he could be albert's favorite person again and just sit and talk and laugh with him like they used to

cause that's a part of albert he'd forced himself to just forget about

and then al wakes up and he sees him looking up at him and he's like

"how're you feeling"

and then he's sad cause it's much harder to know albert is a good person with real feelings and he's capable of loving so much and race thinks he's just one of the people who will never get that side of him and he just

"fuck off"

they fight

because of course they do

they're not really sure on what terms they are at this point, and there's so much they need to get out there

at first race is just,,,, stubborn

he won't listen, he demands they let him go back

"we can just let you go, idiot, i shouldn't have ever brought you here in the first place!"

"then why did you?"

and al just shrugs it away as if he hasn't been in love with him for years and would never forgive himself if he left him there to bleed

they just go yelling at each other back and forth for a while until inevitably albert's non-existent impulse control makes his return

and he,,,,, very angrily tells him he loves him

and everything just stops cause that's the one thing race though he'd never hear him say again

and race is literally holding his breath cause he's scared he'll ruin it if he moves in the slightest and it'll all turn out to be in his head but it's not cause when he tells albert he loves him back he's still there and he just,,

takes race's face in his hands and kisses him so softly it's like they weren't just screaming at each other's faces

romeo just fuckin pokes his head in like "i heard yelling but i also heard i love you so i'll assume some of those unresolved feelings were let out and we're all ready to have a nice long healthy chat, yeah? :D"

so they do

they talk. for,,,,,,,,, a long time.

needless to say, race stays

he loves his family and maybe he'll be back for them, maybe he'll help them but he recognizes what's the priority here

plus it's a little clearer now that he doesn't have all those feelings to worry about, and it's been a while since he was actually accepted and loved, which the newsies did instantly. it's pretty obvious where he belongs now.

this au still has,,,,, SO much to unpack, holy shit, but i decided to leave this post here cause,,,,, i can't do all of that now. i might at some point though, if people actually are interested, there's a lot of hurt/comfort from this point. there's the nightmares part which is v soft and i adore it, THERE'S JUST A LOT TO UNPACK. so yeah, i'm finally posting this, ralbert stans, come get y'all's juice.

[godkilller]

@izzabizz139

I wanna hear you rant about the Gin vs Hitsugaya anime fight bc I love seeing your pov and you clearly write better than whoever extended that scene :) pretty please

          out of character.  DON’T ENABLE ME SO MUCH !!  No but I cackled when I first saw this ask because oh my god, clearly you saw a taste of my annoyance about the anime adaptation -- no, adaptation implies it was accurate, I’ll say the anime’s take was “inspired by” the manga’s quick run-in. I’ll start by saying this moment is supposed to be a bit important considering, via the audience’s point of view, THIS IS THE FIRST WE SEE OF TWO CAPTAIN-RANKED SHINIGAMI CLASHING. The only other captain-involved fight we’ve seen thus far in the manga is Kenpachi  ( who is an outlier and should not be counted... no, I joke... but, still, Ichigo was not an equal to him, his sword was sliced through like butter. )  The whole reason I enjoyed this encounter between Toshiro and Gin was simply this; it wasn’t some fancy multi-chaptered fight. IN THE MANGA, THERE ARE ONLY TWO BLOWS MADE. One, by Toshiro, to begin the fight. The second, to end it, is Gin’s strike.

          I want you to know that I’ve rewatched this specifically to answer this ask, and only due to this, as I wouldn’t have ever sought it out otherwise. HONOR MY SACRIFICE.

          Read more for length. I’m merciful.

          In the anime, they monologue at each other, and it’s mostly a combination of Toshiro making three separate death threats  ( he starts this off by saying “I’ll kill you before Hinamori arrives” and then goes on rewording it each time, and then also repeats the death-threat he gave Gin prior to this conflict about “I’ll kill you if Hinamori bleeds” )  and then also Gin and Izuru talking about how truly powerful and amazing Toshiro is -- no, this isn’t me being bitter or petty, I literally shit you not, Gin has a line that is legit “AS EXPECTED FROM HITSUGAYA TOSHIRO, CAPTAIN OF THE TENTH DIVISION, A CHILD PRODIGY OF TH' SORT THAT ONLY COMES ALONG ONLY ONCE EVERY FEW CENTURIES. HOW VEEEERY DANGEROUS. YOU’RE SERIOUS, AIN’T YA?” like don’t get me wrong, love a good sarcastic little shit comment like that, but the amount of times the anime pumps Toshiro up like he’s their shinest new cash cow ( and he is, at this point, it is not even 50 episodes into the series and they’ve realized everyone likes him and he’s jumped to high ranks in popularity polls... earning him filler spotlights, and eventually his very own non-canon movie )  so everything coming out of Gin’s mouth feels like more bullshit than necessary. Izuru’s already literally monologued, internally, how powerful and amazing Toshiro is anyways. Why this ?

          Not to mention that, prior to saying that long-winded shit, Gin’s haori changed length three times  ( and once it was longer than his entire body by several feet, and no not in a ‘to show motion’ way )  and most importantly Shinso was drawn, consistently, at katana-length for the duration of their little spat where the following, too, happened: Gin frog-leaps after doing a backflip, Toshiro gives Gin two (2) haircuts, Gin ruins some floorboards and gives Toshiro at least one splinter in his arm, Toshiro whilst wearing socks lands on Shinso’s blunt edge and pushes the sword down with his footsie because that’s how that works, there’s another backflip somewhere in there that Gin doesn’t need to be doing, twirl, twirl, and ballet, Gin’s face elongates until his chin is bigger than his face, Gin spends ten+ seconds purely dodging very close strikes to his face as Toshiro is the only one making breathy growly and ‘tsuuaaah’ sounds, there is a brief moment of no gravity as Toshiro keeps hacking at Gin midair and Gin blocks it over and over again but they still stay in the air but they’re not standing or jumping or using reiatsu they’re just like, momentum-locked I don’t fucking know, Gin frowny faces as he blocks because like somehow this kid who doesn’t even have more reiatsu than him, whose arm strength should not be an issue, is like. making him nervous?? as sword sparks fly. if you know me at all you know I hate when they fuckin��� firework sparkler-ify swords clashing.

          Anyways, all of this happens whilst Shinso is the wrong length and Gin’s hair is getting purpler by the second and this entire thing is somehow a big jack-off to Toshiro’s immense strength even though he’s screaming and wailing at Gin like a child and Gin’s just a vessel at this point to Enhance Toshiro, which, fine, okay, but at least be more accurate with it god damn. ANYWAYS,

          THEY JOUST. They literally run at each other, swords centered, and run past / to the side of one another. Jousting. “Cause that’s how that works. No slashes, no cutting motion. Just swords centered, because the animators were like “no worries guys I know swordfighting basics that’s a legit pose” yeah it is WHEN STATIONARY. Not rUNNING IT DOWN.

          And then Gin’s sleeve is cut, somehow, from the Jousting, because wow Toshiro wow wow wowowowow, and then Toshiro comes back and starts wailing at Gin again and Gin blocks it, again, and it’s all very annoyingly repetitive, and Gin’s frowning and sparks are flying and Gin’s using Shinso, the katana-length wakizashi I guess, with two hands because like I said, the animators knew basics and basics are “katana are used two-handed” like. Okay, you’re not wrong, but I cannot stress this enough: SHINSO IS NOT A KATANA. It’s shorter and meant to be used single-handed!!!! sTop!!! So then Gin rips off the tattered part of his sleeve and throws it at Toshiro, who swipes it away from his face using his Zanpakuto because that’s intelligent and a piece of cloth was definitely threatening enough to use your sword to bat it away  ( btw, Hitsugaya wasn’t holding his sword with two hands at this precise moment, so he could have just... used his other hand )  and then Gin goes in for the classic “stabby stabby rapidly at you while the animation gets a little breather because we repeat this cycle a few times with flashy bgs and phew money made” ... WE ARE FOUR MINUTES AND THIRTY SECONDS INTO THIS FIGHT BY THE WAY. Gin does this for seventeen (17) agonizing seconds straight. Yes, I counted. That was sixteen and a half too many seconds for me, personally.

          Toshiro somehow lassos Shinso whilst Gin is stabby stabby-ing with Hyourinmaru’s chain component. I say component like it’s somehow some type of beauty guru’s lipstick holder, but really am I that wrong ? When else has he ever used this feature ? Anyways, he lassos Shinso because yeehaw I guess, god I’m falling apart at this point can y’all tell????? I need a drink.

          and so, because now Toshiro has Gin’s sword somehow trapped with chain even though it’s just looped around it, he backflips over Gin for a cool trickshot, no blow issued, just vibes, and Gin uses a big brain moment to tug Shinso and the chains slide off. okay now what. We’re past five minutes into this fight, nonstop.

          SOUNDS LIKE A GOOD TIME FOR GIN TO PAUSE AND APPRECIATE TOSHIRO AGAIN! “I see, I shouldn’t have underestimated you, HItsugaya Toshiro” I’m starting to have a feeling Gin’s VA was told to just wing these lines because the amount of times he fills silences / Gin’s mouth movements with Toshiro’s long-ass name is astounding, he’s definitely drawing blanks here but he sure as hell knows one thing: that damn ice-boy’s name. He continues by saying “I suppose I’ll end up regretting it afterwards.”

          Toshiro says that’s not enough, and it’s really dramatic and cool. His eyes even glow all icy and blue and pretty, like his flowy reiatsu. Aesthetic points were gifted entirely to Toshiro’s animations in this scene. Gin was finished in MS Paint and each new scene they had to draw Shinso from memory and try to remember what hue of purple his hair was at gunpoint. Toshiro lets off a big wave of reiatsu and then it vanishes, and he jumps up reaaaally high. like this guy’s flying. his eyes arent glowing anymore that’s sad. Bring Back Glowing Eyes For Strong Shinigami 2k21.

          Toshiro releases his Shikai, and it’s badass, the sky darkens, Izuru looks distinctly more worried than usual, and Gin’s frowning with his teeth out like Bugs Bunny’s having a bad day, all is right in the world. Toshiro and his released Shikai have a nice moment for the Pics, and a big epic freeze frame blur moment happens with it all coiled and swirling around him. Wrow!  ( click the ‘wrow’ it’s a link to my exact reaction )  Izuru narrates for the third time about how powerful Toshiro is, his reiatsu, his Zanpakuto being a deity who is only unlocked every few centuries. The strongest ice-type sword. Pardon the pun, but that’s... you could say, so cool.

          It can even control the weather. So hey, next time it’s rainy, cold, icy, or snowing and you’re unhappy, it’s time to direct a big fuck you at Toshiro.

          Gin dodges the first dragon, and blocks the second with Shinso because blocking water and ice with a sword makes sense right? This actually takes a solid amount of seconds as Gin cuts through the entire length of this ice dragon noodle. Things dissipate, and pause, too, to really drag this out. Surprisingly, this reveals that Gin’s made a boo-boo, his left arm’s frozen, which doesn’t even mean anything because Gin is right-handed, and Toshiro teleports himself behind Gin in true fighty fashion.

          We have arrived at seven minutes and just under twenty seconds of this fight, and Gin turns, DOES THE UNTHINKABLE, gasp! He opens his eyes. His red, dull, evil, gray-eyebrowed with purple hair eyes, and shoots Shinso through its hideout spot behind his haori. This nearly takes off Toshiro’s eye and upwards of his head, but the little guy dives down fast. The rest happens in slow motion, supposedly, because it takes an eternity and people talk entire full sentences in its span of time.

          Gin asks Toshiro if he’s sure he’d like to dodge that  ( it’s a little late for that ) and says that Momo’ll die if he does. SHINSO SCRAPING ALONG AGAINST HYOURINMARU STRANGELY MAKES NOT A SINGLE SOUND. Mute. Even though before they had no problem animating and adding sounds to them smacking blades earlier. There are soundless sparks though, so there’s that. Yay. Can you tell how exhausted this’s made me? I need a nap.

          Shinso is already more than halfway towards Momo, still unconscious, she most definitely has a serious concussion via Toshiro backhanding her midair consider she’s been unconscious for longer than ten minutes. Toshiro has time to get up off the floor where he dropped to dodge, realize with a shocked gasp, turn, shout her name, and watch as Rangiku arrives in a random glow of gold which never happens ever again and blocks the attack with Haineko. Haineko almost cracks on the impact, and continues growing in damage as Rangiku holds Shinso there, implying that she’s stopped it from reaching one-hundred sword’s lengths to pierce Momo. Yes I’m including that implication / note in here because we love to see Rangiku succeeding in life and being Not-Helpless, all while potentially damaging Haineko severely if it wasn’t able to hold him off. Yikes, Gin!

          Rangiku threatens to join the fight if he doesn’t withdraw his sword. Gin smiles, withdraws it, and then Shunpos away.

          Whatta mess. Oh, and the anime fight was pretty fucked up, too.

          This is a long post, but here’s the manga version:

Toshiro leaps into the air,

This is where the fight actually starts between them:

And end. 

Five pages. Two blows. Does not equate to ten minutes of non-stop fighting and monologues. Sometimes, and I mean this in the most unbiased way possible, less is more.

[ones-delight]

I unfortunately won’t have therapy until the end of this month (I should have scheduled one earlier this month ugh lmao I thought one later this month would be better) so I’m doing what my therapist suggested, write down all what’s going through my head even if it doesn’t make sense to help bring myself back to reality. lol. I’m very much lost in my own sauce of feelings and thoughts. it’s allllll about my ex again so ugh lmao. My main anxieties are just feelings about my ex and what’s coming up this semester.

I’m currently in my apartment in Iowa City since we’re about to start back up my usual routine. I’ve been here for almost two weeks now which is nice because I’ve been trying to take my time to relax and get myself mentally prepared for this upcoming semester. I’m also low key glad I’m having these overwhelming anxieties right now instead of later this week. I need to ask my therapist again what exactly I am feeling (if it’s like a panic attack because i truly dont know) because I’ve been feeling hella anxious the past few days (in general) and yesterday my anxiety was so intense that I barely ate and I felt sick to my stomach. idk if others have the same too but when I also get hella anxious, all I want to do is go to the bathroom so tmi lmao. I feel this way now and I just cannot stop crying so again, I’m just writing everything that’s going through my mind lmao.

#1) Related to my ex, heart break

Yeah.. I literally keep talking about this/him and I’m glad I have multiple outlets that I can say what’s going through my mind because if I keep these thoughts to myself, I keep spiraling. I’m also very thankful I have multiple strong support systems from people where it truly doesn’t get annoying to them when I keep talking about him/my overall heart break/healing journey. I know I don’t want to burden my friends with my own thoughts (it can be a lot) so overall very thankful for friends, family, and my therapist lmao. 

I think the last time I talked about my heart break was the letter I wrote to him. I wrote it and sent it to him lmao. I also wrote his mom a letter in Spanish because I want to stay connected with her and very thankful she reciprocates the same energy, Apparently, he never received the letter even though I sent it over 3 weeks ago, but anyways yeah that’s a story I will tell later in this post. Anyways, it’s legit easier said than done to completely stop checking on his social media. I was doing great before winter break. Now that winter break has happened (still kind of is for a few more days), I have relapsed where I was checking very often. The break was great since I got to spend quality time with family, however, unfortunately being back in Wichita still floods a lot of my emotions where there are still a lot of memories of him and I that still makes me feel sad (luckily no longer sobbing about but I do still feel some type of way. It’s getting better thankfully). It also hurts that he’s making new memories with his new girlfriend Kylie so I was def feeling all sorts of things. Sorry, I’m trying to go onto chronologize order of events that have happened. I’m jumping back and forth lmao 

First, did I mention his mom called me the day before Christmas? I was SHOOOOOK when I saw her name on my phone. I legit froze because I wasn’t sure if it was actually her so I accidently missed her call. I’m so glad she left a voicemail so I could listen first and immediately call her back LMAO. But basically, she wanted to check in to see how I was doing, wish me and my family a merry christmas/happy new year, and asked if I could come see her. We joked a bit back and forth like how she was learning English for me while I’m learning Spanish for her. lmao. so after this phone call, I wrote her a letter to update her on what I’ve been doing. I wrote it all in Spanish since that’s her primary language so thank god for google translate. overall, I told her about how I’m about to earn my masters degree in may, I’ve lost now 30 lbs of weight/having a better relationship with food, how I’m honestly still hurt about her son cheating on me (I was in my feels. You know if you ever get those feelings like you want your mom? She legit is like a mom to me since my mom isn’t an active part of my life so yeah I guess you can say I got mommy issues but anyways) I also told her that if she’d still like me to come over, I’d love to come over and see her.

Few days go by, I’ve been creeping onto his social media, it stings to see how he has flaunted his relationship with Kylie. It hurts because I keep playing this comparison game because he truly has NEVER allowed me to post about us and he would himself refuse to post about us on his social media. So, just to see how he’s been basically spending every single day with her and posting her throughout all of his social media, makes me feel an extreme type of way. during new years, she had a party at her house where it was him, her, his brother paco (which I was SHOOOK because she met paco and not everyone has ever met paco, who is his oldest brother), miguel and his girlfriend (both are super cute btw), Blake (surprisingly), and Erik. I felt some kind of way because obviously I know they would share a new years kiss even tho they’ve only been dating for literally a month. I dated him for 3 years and NEVER got a new years kiss (because he wanted to be with bros). Valentines day is coming up and it’d be their “two month” anniversary and I just KNOW he’d actually put EFFORT into spending that day with her. 3 years I dated this guy and he never ONCE did ANYTHING for me for valentines day. ok I’m getting more hurt thinking how he’s treating his other girls better than me so anyways BACK TO THE TOPIC

few days go by and I got another call from his mom. I actually picked up this time because I was really excited to hear her voice again. I legit would die for this woman legit #1 mom. She asked if she could see me and I happily said yes. It really means a lot that she still gives me the same energy that she gave me when I was still dating her son. One of the hardest parts of us breaking up was the potential of losing his family too because they are all truly good people and I am NOT the CEO of letting people go lmao. okay back to subject, I had TONS of anxiety driving over to her house because I had so many thoughts. I asked on the phone if 1.) is Lalo there. She said no. 2.) Is Paco there. No, he apparently flew back to California that morning. I was low key hoping paco would be there still because it would be cool to catch up with him but anyways my main concern was if eduardo was there so since he wasn’t, I was like “ok vroom vroom let’s go” lmao. WOWOWOWWO seeing her just made my heart so happy. She def has a lot more gray hairs since the last time I saw her lmao she’s the cutest anyways, I’m really shook that HIS DAD FREAKING HUGGED ME. THIS MAN NEVER USUALLY HUGS ANYONEEEEEEEEEEE. Typically how we greet each other, it’s like a wave from a distance and we obvi acknowledge each other. so WOOOOW I was very thankful and shook he hugged me. Anyways, his mom showed me around the house with the Christmas decorations, I noticed her birds were still doing well, she even showed me her new plants she got lmao. We sat at the dining room table and talked and ate mexican snacks. She has broken English and I have broken Spanish so literally thank god for dualingo because it has helped me. I love how when we are together, we talk really slow and try to annunciate for each other LMAOOO. Anyways, THIS WOMAN ALSO GOT ME A STOCKING filled with Mexican Candy. omg this woman i love her so much. Anyways, I showed my tattoos to her and she legit wanted to murder me lmao but she says she likes them but hates them at the same time. She also sat me down and we had a serious conversation in terms of how she sees me. She said that I am no longer known as lalo’s novia, what I am to her is a daughter. I am evelyn’s sister and yo boi that got me crying in the club because that’s what I would love to have, to maintain my relationship with them . Okay, to kind of speed things up, basically we kept talking about Evelyn’s quinceanera that’s happening this year AHHHHHH, dropped Evelyn off and her friend to a friend’s quince, and his mom took me to eat at paleterias tropicana where I tried elote for the first time and had a jugo verde WOOOOOW SOOOOOOOO GOOOOOOOD. literally cannot stop thinking about it. Anyways, random note, I noticed my old K-State beanie in the car and his mom said it was Evelyn’s. It gave me a weird feeling because it was originally mine that he gifted me on our first Christmas together but obviously I knew he wouldn’t keep it so I’m not suprised he gave it to Evelyn. It made me wonder then what did he do to the other gifts that he originally gave me but I gave it back to him once we broke up.. okay that was a tangent, anyways, that was it with the night with his mom and ughhh it was a really fun night and I really am looking forward to seeing her again.

Now fast forward to now-ish, me not doing good of not checking his social media, I got triggered because they now made it “facebook officlal” that they are dating. it triggered me because again, he refused to publicize our relationship and it really threw me off that they’ve only been dating for a month (technically interested in each other since October, started dating November) and already publicizing they are together. they moving hella quick and basically, I got hella bitter. I felt reckless and I texted him. I KNOW I shouldn’t have texted him because I immediately felt a sense of regret after but also low key glad I did text him. ugh i hate me lmao. Anyways, i texted him and he asked if he could call me so I said yes. Luckily, the conversation was better than I expected because it was simply like two old friends catching up. It was a really good feeling even tho I’m honestly still hurt about the way that he treated me. It caught me by suprised when he said that he has talked about me with Kylie and he actually stated that he knows what he did and feels regretful for the choices he made. That was a huge shocker and I do still have trust issues because I try to take things that he says with a grain of salt. He may be saying things to me that I want to hear but it’s not the truth so anyways lmao. Our conversation was good and it really got me thinking what exactly am I doing/how am I really feeling.

I really am happy for him. Yes i’m still deeply hurt and feel a type of way about how he treated me, but I can’t do anything about the past and all I can do is just simply be happy for him. I will always love him without a doubt, but he isn’t my person. I hope this doesn’t come off as selfish but he will never find someone better than me, he is simply finding someone better suited for him. What helps me the most about this is thinking about ME because that’s the situation for him, however, I know I will find someone better than him because I deserve the best.

I felt bad for asking because I am just fucking nosy and I’m glad he was okay with me asking about what happened with his relationship with Lila (the girl he left me for) and how did he start dating Kylie. He shared with with me that even though it was all great in the beginning with Lila (and let me tell you dude, he totally was hella infatuated with her lmao), they started becoming two different people. She apparently wasn’t emotionally there for him when he needed her (IRONICCCCCCCCCCCCC BECAUSE THAT’S EXACTLY HOW HE WAS WITH ME THROUGHOUT OUR 3 YEARS TOGETHER) and she ended the relationship. It did make me sad to hear because everyone needs support and it is sad when you go to someone for support and they don’t give you it, ya know? anyways, he said with Kylie, they’ve been friends for two years (I knew who she was when we were together but they’ve always only been friends since they worked at the Sunflower together. This will sound extremely bad but I never thought about her being a girl to worry about because she did a lot of “white” things that we make fun of white people for and so it kind of shocked me that he is dating her now but anyways) apparently he said that “they were hanging out and next thing he knows is that he kissed her and that’s how they started dating.” dude didn’t want to go into detail which was fine but I’m also in my head like “ok lmao you literally just got broken up by your ex and then immediately start hanging out with another girl? ok” ANYWAYS, I really am happy for him and wish him the best. 

It was cool to hear about what he’s hoping to do. He shared a lot more detail than usual which again caught me by surprise. Anyways, he shared that he is currently looking for a new place to live (a house to rent) somewhere in college hill (conveniently where Kylie also lives lmao) with Erik. He is also hoping to find another job soon because things at KWCH are no longer making him feel happier so he’s looking to see if he can work for a non-profit org which makes me happy for him because I’d also want to do the same. If I’m at a job where I’m not excited to be, I’d want to also try to make a switch. He also shared that junior (martin, his little brother) will be moving to Cali in May to move close to paco which wow made me really happy for them all. Anyways, he shared that he is hoping to stay in Wichita for about one more year and then possibly relocating to KC or somewhere in Oklahoma. i did encourage him KC because it seems that KC has much more opportunities than Wichita and Oklahoma. Only thing we both hate is driving in KC lmao

Okay, so overall, I’m still really hurt about how our relationship was and how it ended but I’m very grateful that I’m doing what is best for me to make progress because this is not an overall easy thing to do, move on. I do feel low key embarrassed that I still am not over our break up but I’m very glad that I know that He isn’t my person. we will and I cannot get back together with him even if he stated that he has “changed” Yes i invested so much in him to be my forever partner and it didn’t work out but that’s okay. I’m always willing to invest in people to be the best version of themselves and it really makes me happy to see people thrive. I truly cannot and will not take him back if there was ever a time where he wanted to give us a second try because I need to remember how he treated me. If he really was always thinking it was me, then he shouldn’t have cheated on me, treated me so poorly. I’m okay with us remaining friends, but as partners in life? that isn’t it. I deserve so much better and the man of my dreams will come. I’m 10000000% okay with being single because I know I need to work on myself so that I can be fully ready for my next. I really wish my next relationship is my one and only, but hey we’ll see. 

so this is already extremely long but I’m very glad I got this all out of me. I know I have other anxieties such as starting school again, which will be my last semester before I earn my masters (FINALLY), RA training coming back up (so me working is coming back), JOB SEARCH. So much is coming up and AHHHHHHHHHHHHH. I need to get my head into gear. 

[lady-griffin]

Things Got Crazy at a Slumber Party...

I would just like to say the title of this episode is so misleading…nothing crazy happened. False Advertising!

Eat the Rich

Seeing Anne’s room made me want to talk to her and urge her to revolt against the rich and distribute their wealth.

Spare Katarina, but rise up and revolt.

When I first saw her room, I legit thought Katarina was going to be surprised by Anne’s room and maybe (somehow by the end of the episode) was going to redecorate it and upgrade it for Anne…but nope. That idea quickly faded the second it went into my head.

Revolt against the aristocrats, Anne. 

Spare Katarina, but rise up and fight.

Eat the rich!

No, but in all seriousness, sometimes I have problems with anime (stories in general) where the affluent and opulent wealth of characters is just the background and it’s never going to be address in all seriousness. Particularly when they show that not everyone is as wealthy…

Why show Anne’s room to be like, if you’re never going to actually talk about it nor resolve the wealth gap. Why show her room to be depressing looking? Why not just give her a nice room? It doesn’t have to be Katarina’s room’s level of finery, but something.

That aside, let’s continue onward to the rest of the episode.

Katarina running off to tell everyone (and to thank them) for her making it to the second year, was adorable. Katarina throughout this episode was so goddamn precious.

LOOK AT HER!

LOOK AT HER!

JUST LOOK AT HER!

I just…Katarina must be protected at all costs. She is the best girl that ever existed.

I love this beautiful, bisexual-mess of an idiot. She’s perfection.

I’m still mad at Anne for denying Katarina’s original PJ choices. How dare you Anne! How dare you deprive me of that. How dare you!

I’m going to discuss the episode in more detail further down, so we’re going to get into some spoiler territory (I guess?). So, you’ve been warned.

Potential Spoilers Below

--

Anne’s view on each of the character’s feelings for Katarina was fantastic.

Geordo’s Feelings 

While we didn’t actually get to see it, which was disappointing, Anne being scared of Geordo for initially telling Katarina that her scar was gone was hilarious. I am disappointed we haven’t seen Geordo at his true level of horrifying, but still…

Just his eyes narrowing may have cut a few years off of Anne’s life alone.

Keith’s Feelings

Poor Keith. Again, I don’t ship them, but still you still gotta feel bad for him.

What is the purpose of others thinking you’re good-looking, if the one person you want doesn’t?

I love Keith and his mother. They’re hilarious.

Alan’s Feelings

OMG Alan, how have you not figured it out, yet. You’re playing the violin for vegetation at the request of Katarina…I just.

Alan sweetheart, you are in love with this woman.

I do like how he actually did it for Katarina. That’s so fucking funny.

But also, just look at this face, how could he not.

It’s a good thing Katarina doesn’t want any actual political power or anything like that, she would be unstoppable.

Mary’s Feelings

Mary is several levels above everyone else. No comparison. 

She is subtly convincing Katarina that Katarina won’t do well as a Princess-Consort and has already figured out a way for them to leave and probably already has a manor set up by the sea, with a field already to go for the two of them (and Anne).

Mary is a bit scary in all honesty.

Nicol’s Feelings

Nicol’s cute smile was just adorable. Nicol x Katarina aren’t really one of my main ships, but I do love the contrast between these two.

Katarina this bright and bubbly ball of energy and sunshine and Nicol, a stoic statue who has trouble expressing himself, but can’t help but smile when he’s in Katarina’s presence.

Sophia’s Feelings

Sophia wanting Katarina to get with Nicol, even though she also loves Katarina is everything. Her listing off her brother’s good qualities (at random times) is hilarious to me. Always has been.

Sophia is just so damn cute.

Maria’s Feelings

Maria is giving Katarina all the treats. Smart Lady! She may have come late into the race for Katarina’s heart, but she’s playing to win.

In general, I like how we got quick snippets of everyone’s feelings for Katarina. I also love how the anime, legit just says the girls are in love with Katarina. I’ll always appreciate that.

--

Anne and Katarina

Anne’s POV in this episode was just everything. I’m so glad the anime adapted it from the Light Novel, seeing as the Manga just ignored it. I’m so very happy.

When she lifted up her sleeve to reveal the burn marks, I gasped.

I wasn’t sure if the Anime was going to actually include that part (the Manga did skip over it), so I’m very happy the anime chose to include Anne’s full backstory. 

It makes me sad, but it’s good angst.

It’s not the same as the Light Novel, but Anne’s backstory and her relationship with Katarina was everything. That little montage of Anne and Katarina… my heart can’t handle such cuteness.

Also, I genuinely really love how when Katarina asked Anne’s father to not take Anne away, she had a bit of a bratty vibe to her. Very similar to Katarina before she regained her memories.

Even though she has her memories, Katarina is still a kid. And I just love that.

Anne refusing her father’s order. Mwah!

I really appreciate how the anime changed that scene from the Light Novel to Anne standing up for herself and actually speaking up.

Well Done! Good Choice!

Also, Luigi Claes stepping in to talk to the Baron himself was just nice to see. 

It was great seeing him being intimidating and such. While Katarina sees him as her dopey, doting father, there is more to him.

In the LN, it’s made clear that he learned about the man Anne’s father wanted to marry her off to and was not happy with that and came to Anne’s defense. 

But I also just like how a part of it, is probably because Katarina wanted Anne to stay with her (and Anne wanted the same thing) and Luigi can’t deny his daughter anything.

Luigi Claes doing the right thing (because it’s the right thing) but also, because he’s the kind of father, who will give his daughter anything. There’s a reason why OG Katarina was so spoiled. 

The fact that Katarina knew Anne would come into her room in the middle of the night to put her covers back on her, was just so sweet. 

Because Anne probably thought Katarina never knew she even did that, but of course Katarina knew.

Katarina giving gifts to Anne and being the first person to ever give her a birthday present…I swear I’m not crying, you’re crying.

I LOVE THESE TWO!

I guess while it’s never stated, I presume all the other stuff in the box were gifts from Katarina or objects related to a fond memory Anne has of Katarina.

Which gives me a headcanon.

Headcanon – Everyone has kept all the gifts they’ve ever received from Katarina as well as certain items they associate with a specific time or event they shared with Katarina.

We know from the Light Novels, that Keith has kept all the birthday presents he’s ever received from Katarina. And I thought it was said he kept the remnants of the door Katarina broke down, but I couldn’t confirm that. But now that’s a headcanon of mine as well.

More specifically, I now have the headcanon that either Geordo or Alan kept the snake toy that Katarina first threw at Geordo all those years ago. 

Probably Alan, as that memory is 100% positive one for him. While for Geordo, that memory probably mixed at best.

There is something cute about Geordo being scared of that toy, telling on Katarina and getting her in trouble, but nonetheless keeping that dreaded fake snake.

Anne and Katarina and their whole relationship was just everything. They were truly and absolutely the highlight of this episode. My heart was ready to burst.

--

Sleepover

Overall, it was very cute. It was nice seeing the girl’s hang out and be in their pajamas. 

Katarina saving Anne from the girls’ question about marriage, was just very nice and does show Katarina is not as dense as we may think. She’s aware.

I will say, though, it was a bit lacking in comparison to the bonus Manga chapter in Vol. 5 (LN).

Particularly in regards to Mary. I mean just look at Mary in the Light Novel for comparison. It almost feels like a different scene. 

Also, while I did realize this last week. 

Sophia’s wish in romance and how over-the-top, pure fantasy, based on romance novels her ideas actually are, really makes her fantasy in last week’s episode (I became Engulfed by Desire) feel way more off. 

And just not accurate to Sophia’s character.

You’re telling me that Nicol in his amplified fantasy is basically Tuxedo Mask jumping around Venice with Katarina, but Sophia’s amplified fantasy is just her being in her family’s library with Katarina.

I call bullshit.

Sophia’s desire book fantasy, should’ve been the most crazy and over top thing ever. 100%. And this episode confirms that.

Both Maria and Katarina wanting to cook for their partner is very lovely and shows their compatibility.

I am a bit disappointed that we didn’t get to see the boys’ sleepover, but Nicol’s eyes sparkling when he heard that the sleepover would include boy’s talk was just too precious.

His thoughts are definitely much more innocent in comparison to what Sophia was thinking when she heard about Boy’s Talk…I love Sophia.

--

Geordo and Katarina

I was really looking forward to seeing Ch.17.5 be adapted to the anime, but unfortunately, I was thoroughly disappointed by it.

It was much less sweet, cute and funny then it was in the Manga. Seeing the scene in the anime just made me want to read the Manga chapter again. 

Seriously, you don’t have to read the whole Manga (you should though), but do yourself a favor and read Ch. 17.5. It’s amazing!

Just look at this dork

This was a golden opportunity for the anime, to really show Geordo’s feelings and relationship with Katarina from his perspective. And just endear the audience to him. 

They completely dropped the ball.

I feel like the anime doesn’t understand or even like Geordo’s character. He seems less dynamic, engaging and interesting in the anime. And the aspects that make very endearing and heartfelt, are basically taken out.

He hardly comes across as the leading male…which is disappointing for me, since I really love Geordo and Geordo x Katarina.

I am very disappointed with the treatment of Geordo. The anime is doing a disservice to him, in my opinion. Especially in comparison to Alan who the anime has added extra moments for.

I do appreciate those extra Alan moments, but I would appreciate them a lot more if it didn’t feel like Geordo was being left out. 

Nonetheless, Geordo’s face when he saw everyone else and when saw that they all got Katarina gardening shears as well was fantastic!

--

Katarina Speaks Two Languages Headcanon

I mean this episode basically confirmed that. With Katarina writing the letter to Geordo, but writing everyone’s name in Kanji (?) on their gardening uniforms.

While we do have Keith’s and Duchess Claes’ signs not being written in the country’s language, that’s more for comedy sake as those signs don’t exist in reality.

But did anyone in the Harem wonder, why Katarina wrote their names in an entirely different language? I just love the idea of everyone being shocked to learn that Katarina can speak and write fluently in two languages.

--

Conclusion

I overall enjoyed this episode. 

Some scenes I found a bit lacking (or more than a bit) in comparison to what they were based off of from the Manga or Light Novel. I will say I liked how this episode did take its material from the Light Novels and the bonus chapter in the Manga, as well as adding their own bits and pieces.

It was well done.

I’m definitely salty over how wrong they got Ch. 17.5. I just…at times it feels like the anime gets the core of certain scenes and characters (without doing the exact same thing from the LN or Manga or adding their own scenes) just right, but for Geordo they just seem to miss the mark.

Also, the material from Ch. 17.5 just felt like it was added onto the end, it didn’t really go with the rest of the episode…

And in relation to that, Mary being subdued in the sleepover scene was disappointing as well.

I understand there are budgets and restrictions, so I’m hoping they’re saving it for the last three episodes.

Anne and Katarina were the clear highlight of this episode. Without them being the focus of the episode, I would’ve found it less enjoyable, even with all the cute and precious moments we got to see.

But overall, a lovely episode with so many precious moments and it gave me so many feels in regards to Anne and her relationship with Katarina. So many!

[ziracona]

T-The gang playing Among Us? Oh!? That's chaos I'd love to know more of!

They had a lot of legendary matches, but the three best were with Dwight and Jake as imposters, Quentin and Jane as imposters, and Jake and David as imposters.

So, Quentin and Jane get imposter pretty early. Jane is competitive, and does a great job. Pulls off some legendary kills with lights off in the middle of a group. Quentin and she tag team well, and provide alibis a few times without being suspicious. Gets down to him and Jane still alive, four crewmembers left. Crewmembers have lost three and ejected one, and know they’re in deep. One more kill will probably lose them the game. Claudette, Nea, Adam, and Jeff are still up. Meg ejected, David, Susie, and Min killed. Claudette is off with Quentin for repairs. Jane kills Nea across the ship. Nobody has found the body/reported, but he knows that she went with Nea and wants to get one and have him kill another, and Jane works fast so he knows it’s probably already happened, and as soon as he kills her He kills it’s game. But when they’re pairing off in chat no one wants to go with Claudette bc she found two of the bodies and has been alone a lot, so he volunteered too be nice,’ but jokingly was like “You’re not gonna kill me though, right?” And she was like “No! Of course. I’m not an imposter, and even if I was, you offered to come with me even though it was risky so I wouldn’t be a sitting duck alone. I’d never kill you. : )” and the guilt is so real. She’s just happily bouncing alongside walking to a dark corner to repair a sabotage, totally security, total faith in him. Philip has been banned from Among Us because when they played Mafia he sold out his team because he didn’t want to kill Claudette and Quentin knows the stakes but he can’t take it. Is super ready and in position to off her, but. :’-] She’s so trusting. She was like “if one of the others pops up and comes at us, you run away and I’ll slow them down, so you have time to report and call in who it was and can save the others. You died last round and I didn’t so you should get to make it this time if one of us can’t!” And Jeff walked past a doorway while they were walking and she ran out in front of him just in case and he can’t do it. Gets her to come with him and runs off and bc she trusts him she follows. They book all the way to Nea’s body, which Quentin knew would be there, and Quentin reports, goes “I’m an imposter and Jane’s the other one I can’t do it just kill us” and throws the match. Jane is furious, then decides it’s actually hilarious and doesn’t mind. Quentin has to go sit the next six matches out in the shame corner with Philip, though, but Claudette is happy. Until she gets super tunneled for like six matches back to back.

Jake and David get imposter while Quentin is still in the banned corner. They have an agressive strategy that causes so much constant pandemonium it’s really hard to think. It’s going great—Susie, Nea, and Dwight dead. Forced all votes to a pass becuase no one knew shit, except one time, which bumped off an incredulous Adam. Kate, Laurie, Min, and Meg still up. They see Kate and Laurie off near each other, go to kill both. Laurie dies, and Kate sees Jake coming, connects two dots, and books. Runs for where Laurie was last. David is on cooldown and can’t touch her. Makes it to Laurie’s body right before Jake is in range, fkn by the skin of her teeth, reports body, screams to the chat it was David and Jake. David and Jake are like “she’s flipping out becuase we saw her kill Laurie” and Kate is like “Listen to me. We’re down to three. One more dies, it’s all over. If we vote off Jake, and one of us can hit the emergency meeting button right after, we win. We’re at the table, it hasn’t been used. If not we dont do this, and pass a vote, or vote the wrong person, or anything, we die. Min you know it’s not me. I don’t have an alibi but you were railing on me for being a predictable imposter when we were a team, becuase I killed the people who trusted me last. You know I’d never kill Laurie before Jake.” And Min’s like “Damn she makes a good point 🤔” & Meg is like “Mmm and if Jake and David were together when she made the call, then if Kate is an imposter, it can’t be either of them. Becuase they’d have just killed the other and won if it was Kate and one of them. So that would mean it’s me or Min and her, and it’s not me, and it’s not Min. Because Nea died right after Susie, and Min would have either killed Nea first or last for the drama and maybe not at all, and I am not killing my girl like that. So it’s not us. So it can’t be Kate. So it’s Jake and David.” And they vote off Jake and it’s a “who can slam a button first” contest the second the meeting ends, but Min gets lucky and is immediately able to call a meeting before David can even kill another and they get David too, and win.

The Dwight and Jake match was second to last one, and they’d both had failed turns as imposters before, and some quite frustrating, and during a snack break together were like “Ok if it’s ever us, here’s the plan.” Keep not getting picked together though. Claudette is frustrated to tears because after Quentin gave up for her, people keep killing her, and last match she got voted off when she knew who the killer was, and she is sad because no one listened /and/ they killed her. Gets imposter and tries really hard, but gets unlucky and kills like right when someone is checking cameras and it’s legit just bad luck, but gets teased and is not happy about it. Jake and Dwight are like, ‘Hey. So you’re annoyed too right? What do you say to being in on our plan. We could pull off the /ultimate/ scam. If we ever get picked.’ And she’s like “I don’t know I don’t want to play sneaky...” but then she gets killed first by Nea, again, like, 13 seconds in, and is like >:-[ “ok yes I want to scam.” So they hash out a plan. And then? Second to last round? They finally get imposter and the boys are like 😏.

So. Dwight and Jake do the totally normal seeming little pre-determined movement that is code to Claudette it’s them and it’s game time. Dwight and Claudette go to the same area, Dwight kills her, Jake sees him, immediately reports. Avenges Claudette and outs him, Dwight is ejected as imposter. Acts betrayed by Jake for not covering and Jake is like “I’m a boyfriend, but I draw the line at murder” and they hold character really wells Survivors feeling great. Round one seems to be a big win. It ain’t. It’s a trap. From here on, Dwight causes basically /all/ sabotages, step by step doing it where some teammate went solo as a ghost imposter, or near where Jake sneaks off to kill someone, but is careful to make sure he gets clear. They get doors shut, lights out, it’s executed to perfection. Whoever dies is usually a person who walked off with someone else, or Jake has an alibi, and he’s never near the issues. Always with someone except the very first time there’s a sabotage. Also, he’s out there doing Crewmate tasks, which have /always/ been done like he says, which he shouldn’t be able to do as an imposter, but people see him. So? And he kills Nea, Laurie finds and reports, Meg is voted off. One imposter left, five Crewmates: Laurie, Quentin (finally allowed back in), Jeff, Kate, and Min. Kate is killed, Quentin finds and reports. They pass on a vote becuase numbers are dwindling and they just don’t know, but Laurie hella suspects Jake. Says “I think you voted off Dwight to make yourself look innocent.” Jake is like “I swear to god, I can prove it. I have been doing my tasks—Jeff, you were with me! You saw!” And Jeff is like “I wasn’t paying a bunch of attention but I think he’s telling the truth. I’m pretty sure I saw him using the canons—like 90%.” So they pass on a vote. At Laurie’s insistence, though, they go in a group and Jake is like “watch. Could an imposter do /this/?” And does a Crewmate task. Bodyscans himself for all the world to see. Only, he doesn’t. Claudette’s ghost does, like she has been. But uh. Since none of them can /see/ it. 😏 And Laurie is like “Well shoot. I thought I was onto something.” Min finds that sus, and when Jeff turns up dead a little bit later, convinces the others to vote off Laurie. Leaving her, Quentin, and Jake. And Jake immediately kills her, leaving Quentin up per Claudette’s request, and snags a win that makes everyone lose their mind until it is explained how they did it. The trio could not be more smug. Claudette feels a little bad because they kiiinda cheated? Technically broke no rules, but, it was a dick move. But Min is like “Nah if I died first for six rounds in a row and then the one time I saw a murder my team voted me off, and proceeded to have the gall to ignore my good intel and lose, I too would have totally done that” and she feels better. Jake has 0 regrets and neither does Dwight period. Last round is just a normal chill one, and less memorable, but that second to last lives on in infamy. Also makes people super suspicious forever about what they can trust as proof of crewmate. Jake loves the legacy. 😏 Dream-team trio really did that.

[ofmythsandmadness]

MY THOUGHTS ON TUA SEASON TWO: PART ONE (spoilers)

So...I finished season two. And I’ve got a lot of thoughts.

I’m putting ALL my thoughts under the tab so please, don’t click unless you’ve seen it all, and/or you just....like don’t care about spoilers? But please if you’ve not watched it, watch it first ‘cause it deserves all the hype and attention. 

(if you haven’t watched yet, go into your settings and blacklist the tag ‘tua spoilers’ because that’ll help you avoid anything if you don’t want to be spoiled, at least on here)

Also, this is part one to my thoughts, because it’d be much too long to list it all here! Part two will be linked below this :)

This is going to be SO badly organized, but I’m gonna do my best to make it otherwise! I’m separating it all under sub-headers, just so you don’t have to read through ALL my thoughts on the series (but there’s a lot, sorry).

I legit just watched it all last night, so it’s fresh but also still jumbled and messy. So bear with me.

Also, let me know what you thought, I’m eager to hear others’ opinions of this show!

AS A WHOLE... So, so, SO damn good. I was scared, and worried and I thought there was gonna be a lot more pain...but it was so good. Arguably better than the first season, I think because the characters are fleshed out and have developed more, and I felt myself caring more for their wellbeings (even though I would have already died for most of them).

Honestly, no. This season WAs better than the first and I’m gonna stick with that.

I also really loved the colour scheme of it all?? I think they did that really well the first season too, but the colour choices and how they alternated between blue and orange, it keeps your attention and adds a vibrance to the characters that was there before but not so loudly.

I want to watch it again and admire how they shot/edited it too, because I actually really was impressed with the shots too (normally Netflix shows aren’t super cinematography-heavy, don’t know if that’s how to say that, but TUA really came through and I’m impressed). I don’t want to drone on about that because i know most don’t care about that as much, so I’ll leave it at just...I was impressed, and most happy with the overall presentation of the show.

LUTHER HARGREEVES...

The way i actually now love him?? 

I mean I felt bad for him in S1, but here he’s an actual character and I cared about HIM, rather than what he had gone through. From the moment he said ‘I don’t give a shit’ in episode one, I liked him again and I’m SO glad. 

I didn’t really love how he still pushed for him and Allison...I mean, I understand that you can’t just erase the feelings, they still stand, but I would have liked a little bit less of it. It’s just awkward to watch and to contrast with Klaus literally calling them out, I appreciate that it wasn’t so prevalent but it was still there. 

But overall!! He became a character I actually really liked, he was actually funny too?? Dorky too, and also just more sure of who he was as a person rather than the number...Luther rights.

DIEGO HARGREEVES...

One word: BIIIITCH.

He was one of my favourites from the show pre-S2, and now I can say he might just be my favourite. I would fight fire for that man.

I didn’t think he’d be almost the main character of this show (obviously one of them, because they’re all main characters ig) but I liked it a lot! We really got nothing about who he is as a person in Season One, and though a lot of people were able to fill in the emotional blanks, there was a lot more given to his character and who he is beneath the hard-headed vigilante.

I think David Casteneda did a brilliant job on his character, and had one of the best performances out of all of them. I knew he was good, but I truly was shocked at how good he did as Diego, and I’m happy to see him as an actor thrive and get more credit. He deserves it, and I’m quite happy. 

Surprisingly, he was the character to make me cry (I cried at Ben too, don’t worry, but!). When Reginald said that shit to him, I was in fucking pain. I won’t get too deep into it, but just the way his face dropped, and then the stutter - it struck a cord and I cried more at that then I did the rest of the show. Dunno. Maybe that’s just me.

But just like...I wish he had more support...everyone just kept calling him dumb and mocking him and I KNOW his obsession with JFK was dumb and aligned with the Luther moon thing and he didn’t have the greatest plans and I’m not saying all of his actions were right, but he was fucking TRYING. And some of it, they played it off for comedic effect but they were literally just trashing on him for doing the right thing and making him look stupid...it made me a little sad.

I am glad, however, at how he rekindled with all his siblings. Because arguably, Diego was an asshole to all of them and though again, arguably they all were and none of them are doing well and there are reasons - they were all assholes to each other, and especially him to them, especially Vanya when she really didn’t deserve it. And to see them at least begin to mend their relationship made me so happy. The way that in the end, they sat together?? And how he accepted her apology just like that?? I sob.

The scene where diego just says ‘there’s this girl I like - I CRACKED UP AND I DON’T EVEN KNOW WHY IT’S SO FUNNY BUT JFC THAT WAS SO FUNNY. That and threatening Olga - top tier funniest moments of the season for  me. They really amped up the comedy this season and I’m happy.

One thing I didn’t get was in the last episode, when he bent the bullets’ trajectory for Five...did he know he could do that? Like I understand that he could do it, but we never saw him do anything else around those lines, aside from in the doomsday season ep1, but that was an alternate history so...I’m guessing Reginald taught him, but??? It was kinda random and I would have liked if they hinted at it at least once before.

To summarize, I love him. I love how far he’s come and I hope he just finds some happiness because he keeps getting the short end of the stick. He deserves the world.

(also, diego hargreeves a huge ass nerd. y’all can’t convince me otherwise. big dork energy)

LILA PITTS/DIEGO & LILA:

You know what? I loved her.

I didn’t like her character as much post maybe episode 6/7, basically once she brought Diego in I was disappointed but I liked her character. I think she was cool and different and chaotic and though I was disappointed that towards the end, she felt a bit thrown in, I still appreciated who she was. I was honestly hoping that she would have left the Handler a lot sooner, I thought they were gonna make her realise the truth a lot sooner but at the same time...this is her maternal figure, she’s been basically brainwashed into that support and there’s gonna be an element of love regardless.

I knew she was gonna be one of the 43 though, the second I saw 1993 I called it and I was happy I was actually right on something. Idk her powers, that too seems a lil bit messy but still, I thought it was neat. I just want to see more! And I think we will, hence why I’m trying not to judge her much, but i hope that we get to know more about her. I don’t want a half-baked love interest, and I was hoping that there was going to be a little bit more this season - but we shall see.

(ritu arya, though, is quite good in her role. and stunning. i quite love her)

I also didn’t HATE the relationship between her and Diego. I know it’s a divided topic but I liked it, I thought they were fucking cute and even though i KNEW there was something off about her, I was just HOPING that it’d be different. I mean, that scene on the bed with them???? I think my heart gave out. Palpitations, bitch. I was so fucking soft for them and even when she was exposed....I stillllllllll wanted the best. :(

And then like shit happened and then it got a little messy (y’all should learn how to communicate...throwing out boyfriend and ex-girlfriend terms like that???) and like yada yada, I was okay but I don’t necessarily like the ‘I love him/her’ thing. I mean sure you can, but THAT felt a little quick. I don’t know why tv shows just LOVE to throw out the I love you’s that FAST, but I’m not into it. 

TL;DR - I still REALLY like Lila Pitts, and I still like them together, somewhat (though like maybe slow your asses down folks).

(question though...are we supposed to think of them as siblings now?? bc...idk I don’t see it like luther/allison because they weren’t raised together and really didn’t associate like that?? but are they all reginald’s alien children cause in THAT case wtf am I suppose to think help-)

PART TWO TO MY THOUGHTS: here.

[tr4shmouth-tozi3r]

‘are you sure?’ - stanley uris x reader

requested: yes and it took me a bit to get this out cause I legit suck sorry guys lol, but I honestly loved writing this one its adorable🥺

summary: It’s finally Senior year, the last year all of the losers would spend together completely before they all went off to college. Stan and y/n had made a pact as young kids, that throughout the years if they hadn’t had their first kiss and so on, they would be each other’s first for everything. Now at the age of 12 or so, they don’t really fully realize what that entails, but once they hit 14 and share their first kiss, then 15 and it was their first date, then 16 and it was their first hickey, and so forth they start to realize there’s a first that they hadn’t talked about and by this time around they’ve finally found themselves together in a comitted relationship. Their first relationship. Now, it was time to go farther than they ever had, they both wanted it, but who would speak up first? There’s only one night left before they all go their separate ways and one night can change everything.

pairing: stanley uris x reader

warning: super fluff, smut, swearing.

-

August 29th, 1994

“I can’t believe we all leave tomorrow.” Eddie’s voice spoke solemnly and he let out a sad sigh following his words. All of his friends looked at him with sad smiles and nodded in agreement.

“Eds, I just want you to know, I’ll still keep in touch,” Eddie smiled briefly at Richie’s kind words, but instantly a frown took over his features when the taller boy kept speaking, “I mean, how could a step father ever abandon his step child?”

“Rich, shut the fuck up.” y/n laughed and spoke loudly in Richie’s direction as she lifted her head out of her boyfriend, Stan’s lap who was already rolling his eyes at Richie.

“Hey, it’s true.” Richie smirked at Eddie as he spoke to y/n.

“Can you guys just address it already before you leave and regret it, we put up with your suppressed feelings for years. That shit was stressful.” Mike laughed as Richie’s face flushed and y/n felt the fits of laughter vibrate in her boyfriend’s belly against her head. She looked up at him, a genuinely happy smile adorning her face. She loved Stanley Uris with all her heart and leaving for college and leaving the place where she met some of the most important people to her, was weighing down on her heavy in that moment.

She tuned out the bickering that began to ensue around her and she looked up at him, thinking back to when they were 12.

-

July 7th, 1988

“Let’s make a deal, everyone has a first for almost everything, right? How about if we haven’t had our first kiss and so on, we’ll promise to be each other’s?” Stan blushed at his own statement. He wondered if he was being too forward or too obvious. He had a crush on y/n since they were about 8 or 9 years old and he never thought she would ever feel the same. Boy, was he wrong.

“You got yourself a deal, Stanley.” y/n smiled, a blush creeping onto her face as well.

“W-Wait, really?” He was flustered and she laughed.

“Of course.”

-

July 13th, 1990

It was Stan’s birthday and he was 14 today. You had been 14 for a few months now. You still remembered the pact you guys had made two years ago and you wondered if he did, too.

Ring, ring, ring.

The landline on your bedside table shook you from your thoughts and you answered and instantly smiled as you heard Stan’s voice on the other line, “I’m coming over, need to see my best friend on my birthday, right?”

“Of course, and I have a gift for you, better hurry up!” You hung up before he could speak and you mentally slapped yourself. What the fuck was that? I sounded so ridiculous. He’s gonna show up expecting a gift and what am I going to say? It’s my lips?

You sighed heavily, your cheeks turning bright red. Oh god, you were about to mess this up. You could feel it. He didn’t live very far either, so you didn’t have much time to figure this out.

You spent most of the time waiting for him, pacing back and forth in your room and feeling the way your palms were becoming ridiculously sweaty. Don’t get too worked up, relax!

“y/n, Stan’s here, he’s coming up!” Your mom called out from the bottom of the stairs and it felt like your stomach almost fell out of your ass, you were so nervous.

He walked in with a big smile on his face and enveloped you in a sweet hug, “Hey, so where’s this present? Is it another pair of binoculars? I totally don’t need another pair, but another wouldn’t hurt I guess.” He laughed and then noticed your jittery state and how nervous you looked. Before he could speak again, you began to ramble.

“Do—shit okay, do you remember, when w-we were 12 and we uh, we made that pact?” His confused expression disappeared instantly and he smirked at you.

“You remember? Holy shit, I was thinking about that all day, but figured I’d look like a weirdo bringing it up, but you remember...” He murmured sweetly, his eyes widening and the adoration on his face was clear.

“Well, yeah I remember...” you twiddled with your thumbs, “So, I mean, you haven’t had your first kiss have you?” Your eyes shot up and looked into his and he shook his head furiously.

“No, no no, have you?”

“No.”

“So—”

Before he could speak another word, you stepped forward and cupped his face in your hands and your lips pressed against his, in short and sweet kiss and you pulled back slightly just to catch a glimpse of his reaction. You wanted to make sure he was okay with this and judging from the way he leaned forward and pulled you back in and kissed you quite feverishly, he totally was.

-

You thought about how the year after that came your first date and the year after that things got a little more intense. It was your first hickey and his as well. That one, you swore up and down was unnecessary, but Stan was more than eager and you couldn’t lie, you wanted to know what it felt like. And god, did it feel good. Or maybe it felt as good as it did, because the boy you were in love since you were in 4th grade had his lips pressed so firmly to your neck. His tongue traced your skin so softly, sending shivers up your spine and when he nibbled on the nape of your neck you had let out an involuntary moan. This totally only feels this good when you’re in love. You always told yourself that.

After the hickey escapades your group of friends noticed and relentlessly teased the two of you. They teased you so often and so badly, that they basically drove the two of you into each other’s arms. You didn’t mind, though. You and Stan were both very stubborn and also very shy sometimes. Even when it was clear as day, right in front of you both, you and him chose to ignore it out of fear. And now that you think about it, fear of what? God, 16 is such a weird hormonal age. It was obvious there was something there, but you both would never say it unless the other would admit it and like I said, both of you were very stubborn. So, you would always say your friends brought you two together.

Now, here you were. You were 18 years old, ready to leave for college and leave this life behind and depart from your life long friends. Something was eating away at you, nagging in the back of your mind.

There was still a first that you and Stan had yet to share and you only had about 12 more hours left before that opportunity was out the window. You weren’t sure when you would see him or any of your other friends again, you wanted to make your last night with him memorable. You wanted it to count.

-

You hummed softly, shutting your eyes and wanting to take mental note of the way he smelled sweet like cinnamon and his breathe always tickled your neck in the same spot when you laid with him like this. You took note of the way his thumb would circle over your hip bone, slowly and sweetly. He held you against him like he never would again, but he always did that. He always savored every minute he had with you in his arms, but now he was really savoring it. You were going to try and make plans for Thanksgiving or Christmas, neither of you were too sure which one and if it would even be 100% possible, but you chose not to think about that right now. Right now, he was here with you and you still had about 10 hours before you would be parting ways.

Stan leaned back, pulling his head away from the crook of your neck and looked at you, “What are you thinking about, babe?” He propped his body up with his elbow and rested his head on his hand, his eyes studying your face.

“I...” You breathed out, suddenly feeling as nervous as you did the day that had kissed him for the first time, “I just... I feel like there’s something we should be doing before we leave. Something that I wanna share with you, another first... it’s been eating away at me for the passed couple of weeks. It’s silly, and you probably don’t want to so—”

“No, stop. Don’t say that, of course I want to. Whatever it is, I want to. I want to do everything with you, y/n.” Your heart soared at the way your boyfriend spoke to you. He was so sweet and he wasn’t even trying to be.

“I want to... I want to have sex with you. Tonight. Preferably right now.” You let your eyes wander across the ceiling as you spoke and you were preparing for the worst when you didn’t hear a single thing come out of Stan’s mouth. As you turned to face him, his lips were parted slightly and his eyes were wide with that same look of adoration he had in his eyes when you were 14 years old rambling on about how you wanted to kiss him.

“God, I’m so in love with you.” He kissed you quite fast and with a longing you couldn’t explain. He wanted to kiss you until you were stuck together and you could never leave each other, but he knew that was impossible. A guy can dream, right?

“Are you sure?” You searched his eyes for any sign of doubt and found nothing. All you saw was the way his eyes were dilated and lips quivered in excitement. The way that his cheeks were flushed and his hands were shakily tracing over your arms and your waist.

“Yes, why are you even asking? I’ve wanted this since last year, but I didn’t want to say anything and make it weird. Plus, I just felt like you weren’t ready and now you are. I knew if you wanted it as bad as I did, you would suck it up and say it first, so I waited, but god I’ve wanted it for a long time. I swear,” He pressed his lips to your jaw and trailed kisses down your neck. His touch softened and he became as gentle as you’ve ever experienced him to be. This was new. This felt different. He took care of you.

You had rolled your eyes at the fact that he admitted his fear of telling you he had wanted this, so he waited for you to speak up first. You were both shy sometimes, yes, but out of the two of you it was safe to say that you were the boldest. You said things when they needed to be said. You did things when they needed to be done. And this needed to be said and done.

You smiled at the way he undressed you slowly, taking his time with you. He was really really trying to savor this now. His eyes scanned over your half naked body, watching as you blushed and tried to cover yourself.

“Baby, stop. Don’t cover yourself, you’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. I wanna remember what you look like right now. I wanna close my eyes on the drive out of here tomorrow, and picture this moment. How you opened up to me and gave me the privilege to share something so meaningful with you. Something so intimate. I wanna remember the night that you really became mine in a whole new way.” His words were soft and full of love and his eyes glistened in the light that illuminated your room. He was so damn gorgeous.

“I love you.” You leapt forward, kissing him so hard you were sure your lips were swollen already. He reached around you, unclasping your bra. His fingers barely touched your shoulders as he sluggishly pulled the bra off of your chest. Goosebumps rose across your skin and the cool air hit your chest. He trailed kisses down your chest and whispered sweet nothings to you the whole way, in between kisses.

You were breathing so heavily, you felt like everything was going to collapse around you. At this point, you were completely naked, legs spread and Stan in between them in just his underwear. He pressed against you, letting you know how hard he was and you hummed against his lips. You felt yourself getting wetter and wetter by the minute. You thought you were going explode.

“I really hate this part. It’s going to hurt a bit, before it feels good and I don’t want to hurt you.” He murmured sweetly and you smiled.

“This is a good hurt. I want this. I want to have this with you. If it makes you feel better, talk me through it, kinda turns me on anyway.” You giggled and he laughed at you, placing a kiss against your forehead.

“Good to know.” He whispered. By this time, he was completely naked as well and back in between your legs positioning himself and pausing for a moment. He held on to himself as he slowly pushed his head against your entrance, “If it hurts, just tell me to stop, okay baby?” He tangled his other hand in your hair and you breathed a shaky okay in response.

He pushed into you further and you gasped, the pain hitting you in small waves, but you didn’t want to stop. He locked eyes with you, “Does it hurt? I’ll stop baby.” You furiously shook your head and without thinking, you pushed your hips into him and he suddenly found himself pushed fully inside of you. You yelped slightly and he groaned.

“Babe, that was totally a bad move if you were in pain.” He breathed, revelling in how amazing it felt to be inside of you.

“Keep going.” You whispered as you wrapped your arms around his neck and locked your ankles around his waist, “Please...” You bit your lip and suddenly you were gasping as he slowly pulled back, sliding almost completely out of you and then thrusting back into you softly.

“Fuck...” He was breathing heavily against your skin as he buried his head into your neck. He began to kiss and lick all over the skin before him, biting and sucking sweetly on your neck, “I love you so much, I’ve loved you since we were kids. This is the best moment of my life.” He picked up his pace, noticing the pleasure beginning to course through you. Your eyes half lidded and your lips swollen and wet from you licking them. Your face was flushed and your forehead was covered with a small trail of sweat. He looked down at you, into your eyes and wrapped you up in his arms. You clung to him, moaning out his name as you felt him slide further into you.

“I love you, too. I love you so much, too.” You whimpered and he groaned at the way you spoke. You sounded so sexy to him, he loved it.

You could still feel the sting and you winced a bit at the way his hips met yours, “Shhh, it’s okay baby, I’ve got you.” He moaned, “I’ve got you, mmm.”

“Stan, oh my god,” You gasped as his hips came up again, this time a bit harder and a whole new pleasure flew throughout your body, “It doesn’t hurt anymore, go faster, please.” You moaned loudly this time and he threw his head back as he squeezed you tightly, doing as you asked.

“Like this?” Your eyes met as he thrusted in and out of you, at a fast steady pace. You felt your body buzz in ecstasy and he leaned forward engulfing your lips in a hot chaste kiss. Your tongues tangled together and your hands roamed every inch of each other’s bodies.

“Yes, yes.” You cried out in pleasure as he started thrusting harder.

“You’re so beautiful.” He moaned sweetly and you watched as he titled his head back and closed his eyes and in that moment you came undone.

Your legs shook and your ankles detached from around him, your body practically melting into the mattress beneath you, “I-I’m cumming.” You spoke in between breaths and he leaned into you, as you arched your body into him. Your stomach exploded and your walls tightened around him and you swore you saw stars.

“That’s it baby, cum for me.” His thrusts became sloppy and he murmured I love yous over and over again as he twitched inside of you, finally letting himself go and spilling into you. You rode out your orgasms together, tightly pressed against one another, as if you were becoming one person.

You held onto him as you both came down from your highs, savoring the moment of being wrapped up in each other. Feeling him pressed flush against your body, skin stuck to skin, hearts beating erratically against each others.

He pressed his forehead to yours and slid out of you, turning over and laying beside you, “That was the best first by far. You’re amazing.” He pulled you against him, kissing top of your head.

“It definitely was.” You smiled up at him, “I love you so much.”

“I love you so much, too y/n.”

-

Okay, I’m actually extremely pleased with how this turned out. This was beautiful:’)

I hope you guys liked it, and to the anon that requested it I hope it was worth the wait for you❤️

[an-american-teen-against-crime]

Nancy Drew ep. 16; The Haunting of Nancy Drew

WOW. Holy Hera this was an episode. I have so many thoughts so this is me basically processing everything haha.

Spoilers (but you already knew that)

Where to start? Well let’s just get the big stuff out of the way first and see if I want to talk about anything else.

The first reveal with reading the diary was like a surprise, but it made sense and honestly up till this point I couldn’t really settle on Lucy’s killer because no one seemed satisfying enough, ya know? Like that sounds weird but essentially no one really made sense except for the Hudsons and that was just basic. 

I really liked how Nancy called the whole town out, and I thought it was a good point to make. They had all driven her to this point and I feel that they executed that message well. It’s seriously such a sad story, because even though the town was so cruel to her, her family still cared, Karen, the Drews, and of course Ryan. If she had somehow gotten out of that town, maybe ran away with Ryan she would have had a chance at a better life. Just honestly getting away from his awful family and crazy father. 

But then with the end reveal of Nancy being her daughter? blew me away. I had heard the theory for a while but I didn’t believe it because I wanted more evidence for it. I want to go back and rewatch the show though now knowing why. I’m still a little confused why Lucy didn’t want Nancy to find the diary, but whatevs. 

Carson telling the story was amazing (Scott did such a wonderful job) and just realizing that the reason Lucy had been haunting Nancy this whole time because she was her daughter? Heavy stuff. It’s kinda a cliche “THERE WAS A BABY” twist but at the same time I feel like you can tell they planned for this the whole time which makes it feel like an actual pay off, and it really adds to the story and characters.

But with this reveal putting things into perspective it just raises so many questions and feelings. Nancy lost BOTH the mom that raised her and she never knew her birth mother. 

Ryan is now her biological father, which I am SO excited to develop on the show. It looks like he’s going to find out next episode which is going to be super interesting to watch, and also just taking this fact into account while looking back on Nancy and Ryan’s dynamic is cool. She hates his guts at the beginning of the series, and is constantly uncovering his secrets and wrecking his life, like she does, even accusing him of murdering Lucy (thinking back to that rain scene last ep-wowie). I’m excited to see how their dynamic will be going forward, and even though Carson will always be Nancy’s father figure (of course) I want to see how Nancy and Ryan’s relationship plays out. Ryan is a character that at the start of the series I hated with vehemency,  but have grown to be rather fond of as the show has continued. You can tell he really cared about Lucy and honestly the poor guy just needs to disown his family. 

I also wanted to mention the sort of Chekov’s gun in Lucy’s house, where they saw a bee’s nest and both Ryan and Nancy said they were allergic. I kept thinking something would happen with it-because why mention it- and while the actual bees (or wasps..?) never came into play the fact that it’s a clue to their relation does.

(also let’s just NOT think about Ryan and George. Thanks)

I also want to bring up the Hudsons because they are not just clowns, they are the entire circus. THIS DUDE (Mr Hudson) straight up caused the death of Lucy, told her to abort the baby and yet

the baby lives and becomes literally his worst problem.

Like dude, ya’ll messed up BIG TIME. Nancy’s comin for ya and she’s gonna wreck yo life. This homeslice didn’t want Lucy involved with his fam, and now his GRANDDAUGHTER is Lucy’s kid, forever tied to the family and is gonna be the new thorn in his side for the rest of his life. If he had just been a chill dad to Ryan this never would have happened so jokes on his dumb butt.

That’s karma for ya my dude.

(also can we talk about how he said he’d mess nancy up like he did lucy not being aware that lucy was legit her mom) (and the fact that ryan has been so annoyed with nancy getting involved in his life when shes his kid) (I could go on for days)

ANYWAYS LAST MINUTE NOTES:

-I really do not like Owen and he is as shady as the second circle of hell, he stole a bone from Lucy’s body???? why ??? and is for sure up to something. I would not be surprised if he was also involved in trying to kill Ryan/accidentally killing Tiffany. He could have moved whatshisname’s body and I also would like to mention he was suspiciously not at Ryan’s meeting that night. 

-Also I hate him so if he’s bad that’s great

-Chief McGinnis IS LEAVING FOR SOME REASON?!?! they never used this wonderful man enough and now he’s leaving I’m upsetti

-still dont know how I feel about Ned Nick and George

soooooo yeah, if you made it to the end of this, good job! I’d love to discuss this episode with ya’ll and see what you guys thought!

[possessedartist]

Okay Castlevania Season 3 Thoughts

I’ve been watching it on/off for the past four days since I got busy at points but I just finished it about a hour ago.

(seems like everyone is either shitting on it or liked it lol)

Okay so, it was a fun season as someone who’s played (about half??? ish?????) of the series’ games. There’s a ton of easter eggs and nods, particularly the biggest ones being The Infinite Corridor (of Curse of Darkness fame) and Legion (I’ve only battled them in two games, one being SOTN). I didn’t realize it was Legion until they all started flying up in the air though lol. I’m very much glad that they weren’t all naked though dodndodn. Also the monsters!!! Very good!!!! I loved the Cthulhu one and they even included some of his in game attacks AND THE ANGELS UGHHHHH THEY WERE SO COOL AND THEY HAD THE GAME MUSIC PLAYING TOO

anyways I digress

Okay so plot line wise! I think Issac and Trevor/Sypha’s plotlines were the strongest imo. Just mostly because they both had the most screentime out of the four plotlines.

I don’t think either Alucard’s or Hector’s plotlines were particularly weak (or as weak as people are making them out to be). I think the problem is that since this is a twenty minute episode show, most of the build up shown in their plotlines won’t really pay off until the next season.

Hector is most likely going to go through his Curse of Darkness arc next season, likely whenever Issac launches his assault on the castle- and him being manipulated is the beginning of his arc. He basically realizes at the end of s3 that “Hey, I’m being way too trusting because every single time I place my trust in someone- I get used in the end so I should stop.” And so I think Issac might end up helping Hector unknowingly or unwillingly whenever he reachs Carmilla’s castle but that remains to be seen.

Alucard wise- yeah that sucked but it was needed (though I won’t necessarily agree it should’ve been in that way). I think it’s the beginning of his arc toward the SOTN and later games. The only humans he’s ever known was his mother and Sypha and Trevor and it’s here I’d like to draw a interesting parallel to Sypha and Alucard this season. Both by the end have their expectations betrayed because both unrealistically believe that monsters are bad and humans can never stoop down so low- and are proven very much otherwise by the end of their arcs. Between Castlevania III and SOTN, Alucard is said to have been sleeping the entire time. By SOTN, the only reason he wakes is because something happened in Dracula’s castle. If these are the events that lead up to him putting himself to rest for over a hundred years, I don’t blame the dude.

I’d like to also point to a post I saw earlier drawing parallels between Jesus and Alucard. There’s way too many parallels between them to not say there’s no connection, and that whole post is a good read for anyone interested in it (here’s the link). Anyways, the post points out as of right now, we’re at the point where Jesus is betrayed by his own disciple, Judas gives him the kiss of betrayal, and then Jesus is crucified. Likewise, we have Alucard being betrayed by his own students/disciples, he’s given a kiss of betrayal, and then crucified in literally the same position Jesus was. What happens next in the Bible is Jesus being placed in a tomb (assumed to be dead) and he ‘rests’ for three days and then rises and washes humanity of their sins (very much a brief bad retelling of the Bible but anyways). What’d make the most logical sense is that in Season 4, Alucard lays down to rest only to wake up at the events of Rondo of Blood/SOTN, and then ‘save humanity’ or in this case, Richter- the descendant of the one and only Trevor Belmont- thereby finishing the ‘Jesus Arc.’ While I don’t agree too much on how Ellis went about it, I can see how and why he set up Alucard’s storyline like he did- and it’d be unfair to say that I didn’t see it coming. There’s some really off lines they say at the beginning of the season which already made suspicious of those two, so it’s not exactly like it came out of nowhere- especially given their backstory (though they took it to a extreme I wouldn’t have thought they would).

Other characters wise, god I should’ve seen it coming but I’m sad about the judge character (anyone who follows me knows how into AA I am currently). He seemed so nice, but I realized that was over as soon as he told the monk dude to go to the apple tree because I was like “there’s no way there isn’t a trap for him there.” And then when they showed him falling into the pit, I was like WHELP THAT KID FROM EARLIER IS DEAD. Ugh I hate he’s a serial killer (and may have done more? Don’t want to think about it) and he collects their shoes uGHHH COOL BUT I WISH I KNEW EARLIER I WAS LEGIT GOING TO DRAW THE DUDE BUT IM NOT SURE NOW.

St. Germain was so cool! I loved seeing him (and even more nods to curse of darkness ughhh) and while he wasn’t a time traveller (at least not yet), he was such a treat to watch on screen. I’m very interested to see how he’ll act if he pops up later into the shows timeline, overall he was just a joy to watch on screen interacting with the other characters and I loved watching him talking about snorting mysterious drugs and waking up weeks later not knowing wth happening and of course, the toilet paper.

(Also the lesbian vampires DO own my heart thank you very much)

Anyways!! I didn’t think the season was bad! Still much better than any other plotlines I’ve seen most tv series try to do, so I refuse to say it’s bad writing (at least all of it). I couldn’t tell in Season 2 how this was going to link to any of the later games but I think with the end of Season 3, I’m starting to see how it’s linking together- at least in the way I’m thinking it’ll be. It’s very interesting watching this unfold as someone who’s been playing the games and watching other people losing it especially if they’re unaware of the events of rondo/sotn/ and the games with reincarnated dracula and alucard except now he’s decided to be a secret agent (which I haven’t gotten very far in). I won’t say people are being unfair in saying this was bad, because there are points where I was definitely un-invested, particularly during Alucard’s segments- which I think definitely needed more length and more time dedicated into making the story a lot better than it was- but I do believe despite some of the cons of this season- there was some pros as well.

EDIT: I’d like to also add I don’t think this is the end of St. Germain! If they decide to keep his timetraveling, although Issac and Hector’s roles are basically reversed as of rn, he comes in Curse of Darkness to stop the two from killing eachother so that could also potentially happen in a season 4. Just my thoughts and theories though lol

[schrijverr]

Professor Elric?

After The Promised Day Edward is sent on a miliary mission to Hogwarts where he will teach Alchemy to his students. He is told not to interfere with their business, but he has a hard time not getting involved with this weird Voldy prick

On AO3

Chapter 1 out of 10

Warnings: none

Ships: none

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eward Elric was grumbling to himself as he was shoving his body into a specially tailored Army Uniform. He had saved the country and his brother and now he had to do this!

Wait, maybe there should be a little explaining beforehand. The Promised day has passed, but Truth, who was so ecstatic that Ed had given the right answer had allowed him to keep his alchemy if he agreed to keep his metal arm. Ed had agreed, a bit suspicious, but whatever.

After that he had tried the country life, but it wasn’t for him, not anymore. So he found himself knocking on Mustangs door a few weeks after and before he knew it he was back int the military, but now with costume. It was all fine until he got this assignment, he had to be a teacher…  at a school… with children…  where people believed in magic… and thought alchemy was magic…

Ed hated his life, right about now.

He was still grumbling when he entered Mustangs office for his last briefing before he went off. The man in question seemed way too smug for Edwards liking, so he grit his teeth and said: “Well, get on with it.”

“With pleasure. So, you will be teaching Alchemy, it’s the same as here. You are doing that so that we can create allies with this “wizard world”, and we need allies after what happened here. Since you are the face of Amestris we have decided that you will wear your uniform.”

And there it was, that smug smile on that bastards face. He had done that specifically to piss Eward off, he just knew it. He hadn’t even realized he was exploding until he was in the middle of yelling at Mustang.

When he was out of breath and heaving angrily Mustang gave him another smug look and said: “Just a joke Fullmetal, but you will wear it at the introduction dinner at the beginning of the year and at holidays, do you understand?”

Edward gave him a menacing look, but knew that protesting would never work in his favor, so he begrudgingly agreed. Mustang continued: “You have to tell Professor Dumbledore if you would like to be referred to as Colonel or Professor Elric and he will discuss the basics with you when you arrive. This is also an intelligence mission, but I guess you already knew that.”

Edward nodded, if this really was just an allegiance mission they would have send someone with more tact and less skill. If Ed was perfectly honest, he was sure that they would have send Hawkeye if it wasn’t for the fact that she wasn’t an alchemist and Mustang couldn’t survive a day without her.

“I do, how many times will I report in and what will I focus on?” Edward replied.

“You will send monthly reports about your findings. We need to know how dangerous these people are and if this magic stuff is legit. If it is, we need to know if we can use it, if it really is limited to certain people and if those people live in Amestris as well. You also need to know if these people are capable of starting a war, what sort of military they have and how fast they can organize. Dive into their history, see how violent it is and how they’ve dealt with things as rebellion or power exchange. Is that clear?”

Edward nodded, if it was anyone but Mustang he would have said ‘Yes, sir’ or ‘Yes, ma’am’, but it was Mustang and Mustang was a bastard who shoved him in a uniform and called him short, so he didn’t deserve that.

Mustang closed his folder and said: “That will be all, go home say goodbye and report back tomorrow at 8 o’clock sharp. A lift will be waiting.”

~

The next day a lady was in, the now, General Mustangs office. She had a but of a sour face and glasses, her brown and already graying a bit hair was tied into a tight bun. She wore a green dress, with actual robes and to complete the cliché she had a pointed hat on her head. She stuck out her hand and with a strange accent she introduced herself: “Good morning Colonel Elric. I am Professor Minerva McGonagall and I am here to take you to Hogwarts.”

He put down his suitcases and shook her hand and told her he was pleased to meet her, he then asked about the means transportation they would use since he hadn’t seen an unknown vehicle outside.

She gave him a smile and said: “We will be using a portkey.” she checked the time, “and we are almost late. I hope you are packed, Colonel Elric, because we must be going.”

Edward held up his suitcases and cheerily said: “Try not to ruin the country while I’m gone, General Bastard! Oh, and tell Colonel Hawkeye I’m sad I missed her. Bye.”

Mustang just rubbed his face and yelled after him: “Just get out before you shrink more than you already have.”

Lucky for Mustang and the first impression they wanted to make on their, hopefully, new allies the door had already shut behind the duo.

Said duo was now walking outside towards a cane. Edward raised his one of his eyebrows and sceptically asked: “I don’t know if we can both fit on that, ma’am.”

She shot him a sharp look and said: “Colonel Elric, I know you are unfamiliar with our world, but I must ask you to try to be respectful. You may believe what you want, but know not to judge people  or things on their looks.”

Edward didn’t know how she did it, but she had struck a nerve. He though of how people had treated Al, just because of the suit of armor and how they looked down on him because of his height and on Winry because of her gender. So, he apologized and made a deal with himself to only judge once he had seen.

She took one of his suitcases and ordered him to grab the cane, he obliged quickly. For a moment nothing happened and Edward almost ran his mouth off again, but he was cut of by a tugging sensation just below his bellybutton and the world started to spin. He felt like he was in the middle of a typhoon and he was clinging trying to not fall off. He heard McGonagall tell him to let go, so he came to the conclusion that she had gone mad and this was where he would perish.

She yelled at him again and he let go. He didn’t want to see the ground just before he splattered on it. He was okay with never seeing his final resting place, so he closed his eyes. For a moment he was weightless, then he crashed down, making full impact with the grass. Blearily he opened his eyes and saw McGonagall slowly walking downwards through the air. He blinked, still the same, he blinked again, still nothing changed, he rubbed his eyes and looked again, McGonagall stood perfectly safe on the ground.

She must have seen his confusion, because she explained: “It’s always difficult to land when you first travel with a portkey, but you did great.”

Explaining and positive reenforcement, she really was a teacher.

He shrugged the dirt of him and took in his surroundings. He was standing on a field of grass, close by began a forest, there was a cottage close by and some sort of sport arena in the distance, but the most eye catching of all was the gigantic, beautiful, old castle in front of them. He was momentarily awestruck as he just let the view wash over him. McGonagall was obviously used to the view and the reaction, because she just smiled with an amused twinkle in her eye and let him take everything in before she said: “Let’s go, Colonel Elric. Professor Dumbledore is waiting on us.”

She lead him to the gaits and through corridors lined with paintings or armors. The people in the paintings moved and watched them curiously, some even followed them. It was everything Amestris was not, so he commented: “This is nothing like home, home is more straight lines and harsher colors.”

“Our youngest students are eleven years old, we don’t want to frighten them.” she told him, “You are used to a military base, so I am glad that there is a difference.”

Edward shrugged, that made kind of sense. Everything back home was more military like, but it was much more, it was vibrant cities, small country side villages, miner towns and small lively cities. It all had a newer feel to it, Edward couldn’t explain it.

And at the moment it didn’t matter, because they had arrived at a big statue of some kind of bird. McGonagall said: “Pepper Imps.”

Edwards eyebrows rose, but he bit on his cheek and didn’t say a thing. He was soon to release his cheek in favor of letting his mouth hang open, because the statue started to rise, creating stairs as it went up. He quickly followed McGonagalls lead and stepped on the stairs.

She knocked on the door and Edward followed her inside, there a man with a strange gray outfit, half-moon glasses and long gray hair and a beard was waiting for them. He stood up with a flourish and said: “Colonel Elric, it is an honor. I am the Headmaster of this fine school, Professor Dumbledore. I welcome you to my staff and hope you will like it here.”

Eward smiled and shook the mans hand as he answered: “Thank you, sir. It is and honor and Eward is just fine.”

“Very well, then you can call me Albus.” Dumbledore replied, “We have some basic things to discuss and then you are free to explore, I hope you don’t mind me walking you around, showing you your classroom, while we dot the last i’s.”

“Not at all, sir. Show the way.” Edward said, he hoped he was being respectful enough. He had taken some lessons from Hawkeye about basic courtesy and military protocols, he couldn’t stay the young brash kid if he wanted to stay in the military. And he thought he had become quite good at it, it also helped that he was pretty high-ranked, so he almost never had to salute first and most of his commanding officers he knew so well that he didn’t have to salute them.

Dumbledore lead him through the maze of corridors again and started the conversation: “First order of business, would you like me to introduce you as Colonel Elric or would you prefer Professor Elric?”

Edward hot him a glance and said: “Well, I’ve never earned the title of Professor, my brother went back to school, he’s Professor Elric of us two. I’m afraid I’ve never even finished school, sorry.”

Edward was curious what the Headmasters answer would be. He had read many books about wizard-education, but he’d never found anything about a way to earn a Professors title, yet all the teachers seemed to carry it. Dumbledore had observed him for a moment in which Edward had kept his expression carefully blank. The man then replied: “That won’t be a problem, Edward, it is more a formality here.”

Edward was secretly mad at how easily they threw around the title. In Amestris a title meant a lot, the military was important and ranking was a high priority. Professors were held in high regard and only few had the honor of referring to themselves as such. Edward himself was quite proud of his little brother and would often call him Professor Elric for kicks. He decided not to word any of these thoughts and said: “I hope you won’t be offended if I stick to the title I earned, sir.”

A twinkle of amusement was found in Dumbledores eyes as he said: “Of course not, Colonel.”

They walked on and got to a classroom on the first floor, it was a huge room with a gigantic black board that could expand, there were a few rows with school desks, in the back there was big mat and some benches surrounding it. Edward inspected everything, when he was done he nodded satisfied and said: “It’s perfect, thank you.”

“No problem, though I am quite curious what the mat is for.” Dumbledore said.

Edward smirked: “You must train your body as well as your mind. I don’t expect many of my students to understand that either, most will drop out, probably.”

“You don’t seem to have much faith in them, Edward.” Dumbledore said.

Edward shrugged: “Alchemy training is hard, few of the people in my home country have what it takes to get through the training, although I know it can differ form teacher to teacher. My teacher left me and my brother on a deserted island for one month, before we could even start on Alchemy training. I don’t plan to go so hard on them, but it will be rough and you have to have passion if you want to stay.”

Dumbledore nodded, but didn’t comment. He then showed Edward to his living quarters, which was through a door that was next to the blackboard. It wasn’t a big room, but it had a bed, a desk, a closet and a bookcase with a few books already there. Edward put down his suitcases and said: “Thank you.”

“It really isn’t a problem and I am glad you are interested in our world.” Dumbledore said, with a nod to the books.

It was right that Edward had asked for books about Wizard history and general Wizard knowledge. If he was going to teach there (and spy on them, but shhh), he would need to know all the basics his students would know. He needed to understand references and how some relations came to be. With a big smile he said: “Well, I am a student by heart and there is so much to learn.”

After that Dumbledore explained that the students would arrive the next evening and he would be introduced then. He was free to do as he pleased until then and if he was lost he could ask the paintings for directions, which was completely nuts, but also awesome. If he wanted to write home he could borrow one of the owls, which again, completely nuts, but also kind of cool and more efficient.

When all that was done Edward was left on his own. He plopped down on the bed and decided that the room could use some more decorations (translation: the bed, chair and desk got more skulls and gargoyles). Then he cracked open the first book, deciding that he could unpack later.

[marixpedition]

5 Risks That Gave 2019 a 180-Degree Turn

It is almost the end of the year, and here we are trying to look back at what basically happened in the year that is yet to end. I am guessing that it will either be a trip down to memory lane or a flashback of regrets. It is undeniable that we are all rooting for the former though.

2019 embodies a different personality for every person. I have scrolled through Instagram looking at people’s 2019 stories - travel, success, milestones, relationships, reconciliation, breakups, enlightenment, coffee, and more coffee. Some would say it is a year to be thankful for; some would say it is something they have to let go of. I am thinking each year boils down into two options: make or break. 

I have known people who got married this year, had their first child, graduated from college or graduate school, got back with their ex, traveled a lot this year, just got promoted at work. Others I have known of lost a family member, ended a long time relationship, got cheated on, lost an opportunity they have been waiting for so long, was rejected by a person they liked so much or friendzoned, had a friendship gap because of little things that got out of hand.

Disclaimer lang puu: ‘di ako nagbablind item or nangchichismis.

Each year that passes for us is a mathematical problem that just got solved or just left us even more puzzled than we were in this life. If I were to assess my 2019, I choose the latter. There are so many things this year that got me asking myself, “ What the heck was that?” or “What on Earth just happened?”

I am about to share to you 5 personal things that happened in my year and what I learned from them. These are not just 5 personal issues or drama or whatever you would call that, but they are “risks” I took this year that made me tell myself, “Damn, girl! Ano? Rebel ghorl?”

1. Pixie Cut

Christmas of 2018 was when I finally had a short haircut after 3 years of having a long hair, but 2018 was yet to be shaken. It was because I finally decided, middle of this year, to get a pixie after a year of push and pull conflict with myself. I was too excited to get my hair chopped real short that time and also nervous. Why was I nervous? SIZT! I was about to get the shortest length of haircut in my entire life (so far). Who knows I might sport myself a baldy some day? 

Do I consider it a risk? ENTIRELY. It was a huge risk because I was not fully confident that I will be able to pull it off after the magic of the salon blower expires. It turns out to be true. Reactions of the people I know were mixed. “Omg! You cut your hair? I love it!” “It suits you! How I wish I can do the same!” “What happened to your hair?!” “Why did you cut it?” “What are you doing with your life?” (Oo besh may ganun nagtanong, “Ano ginagawa mo sa buhay mo?”)

How did my family react to it? My brother - no comment. My mother - at first she was confused as to why I would cut my hair very short but she eventually accepted my decision. After months of having my pixie, she also got the same hairdo. Idol talaga ako ng nanay ko. ‘Di bale idol ko din naman siya. My father - he did not like it. He thought I looked like a “tomboy” in Filipino context. Jake Zyrus ganorn daw. Even my relatives from the province was not a fan of it especially the titas. I still love them, but I was on the verge of blaming the culture for what it has imposed on women with short hair and glorifying those with long ones. But I said to myself, WHATEVER. 

That is when it hit me. 

That is how it feels when you defy the norms without actually violating any rules. Cliché man pero EMPOWERED tayo mga mamshies. It was following my heart’s desire without compromising my faith and principles nor any relationship. It was a great leap for me - doing something new and beyond my comfort zone.

It reminded me of the day I put my life in the hands of the Lord. Many people would say it is very risky and scientifically unstable based on human calculations, but never in my entire life did I feel like I have done the right-est thing until I have surrendered everything to Him.

But why did I grow my hair again? P350 monthly haircut maintenance at Bench Fix Salon. Mahal, besh. Pulubi na ako.

2. 2nd Pair of Lobe and Helix Piercing

The second thing I will talk about is indeed RISKY. I admit that I have compromised few of my principles and relationships here. Example would be the promise to keep the body pure for it is the temple of the Holy Spirit, which means that having tattoos or cuts/wounds do not make the Lord pleased. Also, because I am an educator who is to be a role model in the academic institution, I must not have gotten a piercing that could push my students to do the same which obviously is not allowed in school.

Second best question is do I regret getting those piercings? Kind of. I am not the type of person who breaks the rules because I detest any form of hassle if it can be avoided. Now, having these piercings is so hassle when I am at work because they have to be removed then put on again at night to make sure the holes do not close.

Hassle talaga, mga besh. Wala eh. Priorities. I love my work more than my nice earrings and piercings.

Kathryn Bernardo made me get the piercings. Haaayy. I still love her though.

Do I recommend piercing? Yes, one pair only for girls. For boys, nah.

But to those who are wondering where I got them (hehe), I’ve had my first pair of lobe since I was a child. I don’t exactly remember where I got them. My second lobe piercings are from Unisilver which used an ear gun. It was more painful compared to needle piercing. My helix piercing was done by Iggy Boy Palma, a professional tattoo and piercing artist, at Whiplash Tattoo in BF Aguirre. Popular question: Which is safer and less painful? Definitely, needle piercing. I give it a 2/10 level of pain.

3. Bleaching my Hair

It was only this December that I finally decided to give my grown pixie a new look. I had the back part trimmed and gave in to the highlights club. At first, I was troubled by how it looked like after having it bleached. IT WAS SUPER LIGHT AND BRIGHT #ManokNaDilaw (yellowish orange). I got nervous because it looked bad on me, and I do not want to be called out again for another violation. So, I had the stylist layer the color with another coating which is gray.

Many people have asked how it was done. Let me share with you how simple it was. First, the stylist tied my hair in half pony tail. The loose part (untied) was the one that got bleached and colored gray. Finally, if you put the pony down, the light dye will be covered but is partially seen which is actually the idea of the style.

Was I happy about it? SUPER. I think this hairstyle is actually cool-subtle kind of rebel. It is not loud obvious, but it shows and stands out. Thank you, Pinterest.

Do I recommend it being done in a salon? Yes! Less hassle, and the stylists know better. However, if you have been coloring your own hair for years now, I guess you could do a DIY not to mention that it will be cheaper.

4. Getting Darker

What is wrong with being dark? NOTHING. But is there something wrong? Yes, many in this country believe that those who are fairer look better. Am I angry? No, but I am sad. Ganda ko kaya, char.

This year, I was blessed to have visited Boracay with my church friend. Despite it being crowded, it was a real paradise (Kala ko nga nasa abroad ako eh puro foreigners legit). The white sand was so fine just like flour. During the trip, I did bring with me sunscreen but not to make myself not get dark but to avoid sunburn. Yes. I was super ready to dive into the sea and just get all that rays on sunshine on my skin. When going on a beach trip, getting a tan is a must. I think tan looks pretty. To cut the long story short, I got darker intentionally lol.

Why is this a risk? I believe I have never been as dark as that in the past four years. After some time, our family went to our province in Quezon. Many of our relatives were like, “Ang itim mo!” “You got dark!” (Ano pa po? Keep it coming!) Well, it’s true, but what is saddening is the facial expressions that accompanied their remarks. Am I mad? Of course, not! It is a risk I do not regret at all. I do not mind getting dark as long as I get dark while on a beach trip and not here in Manila heat.

5. A New Work Responsibility

Now is some serious talk. (Kabado me sa part na ituu) What has changed this academic year for me? First, I got new additional tasks that are more challenging. Second, I am advising both students and teachers already. Third, I’m doing OTs again.

What exactly is this that I am talking about? It’s hard to explain, but let me put it this way. I used to be just an extra in a scene. Now, I am a some sort of a minor character who is tasked to help the protagonist achieve the goal and slay the enemies.

Am I happy about the opportunity? BIG YES. Is it mostly fun doing the job? No (nako nako talaga). There are more emotional heartbreaks, mental breakdowns, and sleepless nights. I have learned things in a not so easy way like how words could mean differently to the company and to the customer and how honest and transparent I must be to our clients. There were moments when I think I knew better, and it was so difficult to submit to authority. In those times, I was able to prove again that only God will remain consistent by my side. He is my constant help and supporter who encouraged me to choose what is right rather than what is convenient.

Did this opportunity put me in a better situation? Triple yes. I admit that the journey is an uphil climb. There is absolutely zero shortcuts (hirap kung hirap mga kapatid). However, God surrounded me with people who helped me mature, be graceful under pressure, control my emotions, laugh despite the hurt, and clearly see the beauty of being a teacher.

To end this post, I would like to just praise the God Almighty for His faithfulness in our lives. Getting through the 365 days is no joke. There were nights I thought of not going to work the next day because I had so many doubts and insecurities. Fortunately, I have only had one absence because I was sick. It was an ironman race to finish 2019. There were several curves and confusing directions which stressed me so much. Even though it was exhausting and tempting to give up, God pushed me to not stop moving until the end of the race (which of course I have not reached yet).

My 2019 is not as extravagant or controversially interesting as others’, but what I can say is that in those motivating experiences that happened in my year, I have earned a bigger faith in Him.

Philippians 4:4 Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice!

v. 6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

v.7 And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

[lieutenant-pride]

i was just thinking about that rant i made about avengers infinity war and how i saw avengers endgame a little while ago, well after it got out of theaters because i wasn’t truly willing to give marvel money for that, and now i just wanna go off the hook about the movie because i can  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

i’m not even putting it in a read-more for spoiler purposes so much as putting it in a read-more because it might end up being long, but there are spoilers ahead anyway so for those five people who haven’t seen endgame and do care, be wary

funny thing is, i actually didn’t hate this like i expected to when i heard that time travel was one of its core constructs, but you know what i still don’t think it was worth the hype altogether and here is why

perhaps to make up for the fact that they didn’t kill any of the OG avengers, or for the fact that they probably didn’t need to exist in the first place, the snap apparently killed literally every single member of Hawkeye’s family that is not Clint himself. i guess we need an excuse for him to turn into Ronin, so let’s make his family expendable, why not

this film does us the discourtesy of confirming shuri’s fate as one of the fallen from last movie and the russos will pay dearly for this

the idea of destroying the stones with their own power was already proven a thing in the last movie when wanda did just that with the mind stone (while holding off five other infinity stones and a titan worth of power with one of her hands, by the way) but given the massive shockwave that occurred from THAT stone’s destruction? are you really willing to tell me he snapped again, had half his body disintegrate, and then the glove with all six stones just puffed into smoke?

actually how cool would that have been? that they arrive on the garden planet of whatever and thanos is just a fucking toasty corpse in a crater, and they realize what he had to do for that to happen? now i feel a little cheated

man, i knew from square one when i saw the first few trailers for this film that okoye was gonna get sidelined HARD, and she had maybe one or two spoken lines in the whole film? i get it, there are a lot of characters to go over in this big epic conclusion to the MCU’s biggest property/ies, but they definitely could’ve given the black panther cast a bit more love than this. i think i’m just salty over that bit though

did ronin kill in the comics? was that a thing he did? was he basically clint barton going jason todd for a little while, was that what it was? because please point me in the direction of those books if so

i really, really can’t argue much about the pym particle bits and the quantum realm (was that the one?) because time travel is a lot like nuclear physics when it comes to movies and comics and just works however the writer needs it to work in that situation, whether that refers to the means or the ends. i am glad however that antman gets this much attention as if he’s a legit member of the avengers. you know. like how he was one of the og members in the comics.

you know what i can argue about? how they try to sell their first attempt at time travel anWAIT JUST A MINUTE I FORGOT ABOUT BIG BANNER WHAT IS THIS HOW DID HE EVEN MANAGE THAT SHIT

i guess he had like five years to study and figure out how to make himself hulk on the outside without sacrificing the banner brains, but i’m very curious as to what the purpose is in doing that, since he was having more issues releasing hulk during the previous film and also the fact that he really had zero reason to fuse the two together. like, what threats was banner gonna face? what evildoers did he need hulk work for? if he needed some muscle of his own he could’ve just worked out????

you can also say that was bruce’s character arc during the first film actually, which is fine, but i’d like to note that if it is, then his character arc is resolved completely off-screen

listen, i get it. tony and pepper are a thing that had to happen, according to literally every film before this. i still think pepper deserves better or at least someone who doesn’t cause her as much stress as tony has caused for her. i mean i guess if that boy brings in the money though, do what you gotta  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

we get one scene of ronin at work and i kind of love it? i kinda wish we got to see more of his work, but i get why we don’t. this is like, the best thing that clint has to offer in this film

oh right i almost forgot, that first attempt at time travel with scott “having time moved through him.” cute gag, but this definitely doesn’t fly with scott’s first mingling with time travel and the quantum realm or whatever, and if we’re to assume they mostly repeated what they did during the post-credits scene of antman and the wasp, then why did this even have a risk of happening????

that was a cute gag though, mainly because paul rudd is a treasure

and since i’m discussing the time travel bits: the time travel in this movie is handled fairly well, and it introduces the prospect of timelines diverging rather than just having one singular strand of time flow! great! cool! but this has some bumps here and there in the film for the sake of drama, and this is the first instance:

clint travelling back to see his family for just a split moment of time. this is a moment that toys with rules constructed later, though i think that is a mixed bag and maybe i missed this detail. in every instance after this one, when the cast wants to return to a specific time in the future (their actual timeline and present) they sync up their time gps thing, but in this case? clint has no chance to do that. we don’t cut out a single second of his trip in the past, and i don’t recall him even looking at the time gps ONCE, and yet he can be forcibly pulled back to the present???

this is actually one of the only faults i can think of in the time travel, and they probably actually set that gps ahead of time, so whatever, maybe they actually handled time travel well here???

some o y’all people out here had the audacity to tell me that tony stark was the one who called steve roger’s ass “america’s ass” when it was in fact scott lang, and tony in fact called to question steve’s ass in that scene, and it is YOU i will not forgive for this heinous error

tony actually did nothing wrong in attaining the tesseract; he just got his head smacked in by a surprise hulk coming out of the stairwell

actually this made me remember a thing: couldn’t they have sent someone to grab the tesseract in asgard in case something went wrong in new york? they were right about picking the right year and time to get three infinity stones in new york, but they also managed to pick the right year and time to get two stones in asgard, so why not snatch that up as a failsafe?

thor really fucked over an alternate timeline by grabbing mjolnir from them, huh. cap couldn’t return that shit, after all; they need mjolnir for when we finally get the Mighty Thor. like, good moments between him and his mom, and that whole “i’m still worthy” thing was great, but are we gonna talk about the timeline that got fucked over for that???

so did they not discuss WHY they needed two people going to vormir ahead of time, or what? did nebula not tell them? she totally did, right? like did she not mention WHY gamora didn’t come back with thanos after he got the soul stone? why are they surprised when the mention of a sacrifice comes into play???

apparently only women die in vormir, and usually to advance the character arcs of men. i dunno i wouldn’t be too sore about this hawkeye sacrificing himself

i’ll be honest i don’t care MUCH about black widow but like let’s be real how much was hawkeye giving to the narrative???

also apparently they can’t do anything about getting nat back, which is inherently bullshit by the fact that gamora still exists in the past and you could very easily bring a nat from another timeline without fucking up yours. it’s fine; you had no problem doing that with mjolnir

how did they shrink the entire warship thanos was on exactly, and how long did they take to get that tech right???

what exactly is thanos’ weirdass boomerang blade made of that it can shred a vibranium shield?

anyway so they pay homage to every hero from the past twenty-odd films real quick, and they make the right choice in putting the black panther crew first, but i can’t help but think about how this is all just fanservice

wanda comes in to remind us that thanos ain’t shit without the infinity stones and NEARLY KILLS HIM ON HER OWN so someone explain to me why she doesn’t AFTER she gets back up???? like, can we assume killing thanos would put an end to most of this fight and send the rest of his forces running?

i already mentioned the fanservice level that came with the heroes entering on the scene, right? let’s not forget that the shot of all (minus one) the marvel women coming together is also mostly fanservice with no real meaning and it could’ve been cut from the movie and the narrative would not be too heavily adjusted, just as a reminder that marvel isn’t really treating the women of their properties well on film

thanos got real fucked up after two snaps and banner got fucked up after one snap, and you’re seriously telling me tony - a regular ass human being - lasted long enough to snap at all???

seeing peter and ned reunite with one another (i guess they both got snapped if they’re both still high school students ACTUALLY DID PETER’S WHOLE SCHOOL GET SNAPPED OR WHAT HAPPENED????)

okay but actually, the peter and ned reuniting scene got me much harder than any amount of tony’s death and funeral

seeing the wakanda crew serving up looks during tony’s funeral just reminds me that okoye got maybe two lines in the whole film, t’challa got Maybe One, and shuri got shafted for lines, and that makes me sad

i think Old Cap reuniting with sam on the bench is great and all, and a real good closing to steve’s character, however i have some questions to ask about it, namely how steve ended up in the same timeline after we made ABUNDANTLY CLEAR we were playing by diverging timeline rules, unless what you’re trying to tell me is that there was an Old Steve that just existed in our timeline the whole time and the fact that we never focused on Peggy significantly enough allowed yall to sneak that in

i also have to ask how in god’s name y’all didn’t take note of the man sitting at the bench out by the lake where you were performing your time jumping shenanigans?????

but yeah overall not actually a bad conclusion. tony’s dead, so that’s a plus. we won’t get any more of america’s ass in these films, which is a minus, but it could be worse

[spacejew]

oops accidental personal post I guess

It's weird that I almost feel the need to go here to personal blog again because of a handful of irl friends following what was supposed to be a private personal Twitter in theory, just for like, idk, internet strangers and friends I made online not those imported from meatspace. Also those character limits... Suffocating.

Anyways yeah things are kinda stable but dissapointing lifewise? I'm definitely in a rut and stuck somewhere I'm desperately trying to get out of. Also like. idk. Gender shit. I think I really fucked myself over hard when I made the decision a few years back to conviously bottle up all my dysphoria and trans feelings and bury them and repress them hard and just live as a very gay and feminine bi boy and like. hm. I think I've been happy since? But im thinking now that maybe. Because that's still a part of my psyche that haunts me every day. I might actually have been mildly depressed this whole time and like, still struggling to make important life decisions because of the anxiety of that. Idk. Maybe if I got a therapist and realistic attention to that all those years ago and it turned out to be very real n legit and i got to make tough choices and live my truth, I would be equipped now to actually be joyful and able to fully focus on hard work and taking risks and putting myself out there and being successful and shit. Idk idk idk. I just have to wonder if all this time I've actually been quite unhappy and filling the void with dumb shit and a good deal of dissociation and complacency. Idk. what I'm saying is maybe I made a big mistake there lmao and could've started transitioning, if that's right for me, 4-7 years ago maybe, who knows. Haha so fun. Fuck me. Big Regrets, lads. But also I still don't know if that's right. Which probs means it is who am I kidding. Oof. But it's ok life is a journey I'm full of wise shit and I know it's not the end of the world. It just kinda. Makes me so sad on behalf of the old me who would cry so much because of dysphoria and living in this body in this life. She knew. I don't know why I buried her alive like that. Anyways.

I spent all year struggling to make an animated short (which ended up being kinda long tbh like 10 minutes?) by myself mostly, just me and my mental blocks and executive dysfunction and shit, but I was v passionate about it and worked hard and got to actually bring a whole vision to life, with basically nobody to tell me what to do, just give me feedback that I wasn't obligated to follow. It came out pretty nice and I'm very happy that I got to tell exactly the story I wanted and try a cool new look and I just wish I gave myself more time to work on the actual animation part but I put my heart and endless weeks and months of refinement into the storyboarding and script and every little detail and I really feel accomplished and like it paid off -- and I even got to do a private screening at my summer camp job that I was called in to do one more time at the last minute right when I finished my film, it was a miracle and so perfect, everyone cried and truly loved it and felt touched by it. And then I went to animation festivals! And all this cool shit! But... I haven't been able to figure out a public screening thing yet. And I feel like all my excitement is gone now. And I really wanted to polish the look and some backgrounds a little, just some very quick rerendering and comp, but. I feel like too much time has passed, i just feel dissapointed. I haven't put it online yet cause I haven't done my public screening, cause of my stupid anxiety about little details and overall idk imposter syndrome I guwss I feel more ashamed of it than proud of it even tho it's probably good, and like I feel that everyone was excited to support me but probably nobody cares anymore.

Basically I had all the wind taken out of my sails. Oh and right when I was trying to get it off the ground I guess and push through, my grandma died. I'm so heartbroken I loved her so fucking much and. She never got to see the film cause of my stupid bullshit. I feel so bad about that. So so bad. Ugh. And it's a film very very hilariously blatantly directly based on me and my feelings and my real family history, ultimately besides other main themes it's about talking to your grandparents and family about the past and your current feelings. And in it the main character, a girl, cough cough even though it's basically me, cough cough go figure, gender shit, anyways the climax is her going back in time to talk to her great grandma, and it's very emotional and my best friend of like almost 10 years now composed and recording a music for that scene for me. And now when I eventually screen this, my entire family and also myself is gonna get torn to shreds by this scene more than intended because my own fucking grandma, who I was excited to show this film to more than anyone on earth, passed so unexpectedly without seeing it. Fuck. Why didn't I send it to her when she was in the hospital? Obviously cause if I did that that would make it real and she wouldn't get better and all I do is live in denial. Ugh. Anyways yeah. The point is I'm stagnant and in a rut right now and just want to move forward and focus on making new work and just get a real career relevant job already. Tough year hit a well needed high and now petering off back into misery. Not to be dramatic. I'm ok tbh I have a part time I'm slowly getting sick of and a loving supportive partner and some very good friends, tho not as many as I used to see regularly and that's kinda sad too. That's your 20s babey.

I just need to move on and make big changes. My pattern rn is like. Work fri-sun, if I'm lucky I get to hang out with friends or lovers, usually at least with my partner. on monday I recover from working. on tuesday I have dnd and usually get some stuff done but honestly just catch up on warframe with my clan friends. wednesday my partner and I got to the park and library for half the day and eat and draw and talk. on thursday I mentally prepare for work again and usually we go out to play another roleplaying game with her roommates friends. a lot of that free time that's been left unmentioned is spent being over at bae's sometimes so I don't have the ability to get much work done. Lately I've spent most of my time planning a dnd campaign which is fun but also too stressful on account of obviously I'm not playing it yet so like what's the point, sorry friends who have patiently waited for months for me to be ready to start the game for them. And also like. Yeah idk. just sad and confused and resting my weary heart and body after a very rough month after my grandma passed. But! I did accomplish a very crazy deep cleaning of my room. I threw out 14 bags of shit at the least. I wish I weighed it all, it was a lot. I feel so much more organized and cleansed from that. For the record I didn't have any trash in my room, nor was it every a mess. Just every single cabinet and drawer was crammed full of stuff and I guess I hoarded a lot of shit. I was able to throw away a lot of things I held on to be cause of sentimentality and I'm proud of myself for growing that way. So like. Idk. It's not all bad, baby steps. I still feel like I'm constantly improving as a person! I'm positive, optimistic. Just tired, anxious, and feel bad.

Also I finally got a new phone and because of my hubris I dropped it without a case and it shattered only two weeks in. The day I was gonna buy a case. But it's ok. Story of my life I guess. I can't keep everything pristine and polished forever, one day shit falls and breaks but it's still usable. It has character.

I wasn't expecting to dump everything like this, sorry yall. Thanks for reading I guess. Also I forgot how to do a read more on mobile lol sorry