#I am in so much pain I love them I want Roxy to adopt her

[mushramoo]

more ruin doodles because it has ruined my ability to be normal

[barbecuebabybackribs]

Truly Damned (Male Angel-Demon Hybrid Reader x Jasper Hale)

Dating Jasper Hale was many things, the first thing that comes to mind is heavenly- although incredibly ironic- but one of the other thing I would say it was is difficult.

He’s a man who never has to ask what someones feeling, he just knows. So obviously when I walked in- not only his mate but the one person in his long life he’d ever met whom he couldn’t read? His interest was peaked to say the least.

Question after question, trying to find out why exactly I was immune to all vampiric powers, not only that but my scent was something he’d never smelt before, so heavenly but so easy to resist. With most humans he struggled to not bite down on there neck every  second he’s around them but not me, and he wants to know why.

Although that precise question is why I’m avoiding him now, trying to slowly make him realize he deserves so much better then a damned creature like me. I go against almost every religious text I’ve ever read- if they even bother to mention my kind at all.

A being born from the forbidden relations of a demon and an angel- it complicated my life to say the least.

Fortunately I was adopted at the mere age of three by a lovely older couple by the names Roxanne Seever and Delilah Seever, they didn’t know who I was or what I was but they loved me for me and that was enough.

However it didn’t last long, good things around me always seems to perish and Roxy was one of them- it all happened so quickly I could’ve done something but I just sat in shock as a semi headed right for our car, squeezed my eyes shut not wanting to witness what was about to happen and right when I heard the sounds of metal against metal and glass shattering- I felt nothing.

I opened my eyes and I was yards away from a picture that still to this day haunt’s me, I couldn’t see much but what I could killed me. The sight of the woman I called mom obviously launched from the wreck of a car mere feet behind her, laying on the ground breathing heavily, and blood surrounding her.

I could’ve done something, but I didn’t.

The ambulances came and carted us away but we all could see in her pale skin she was gone, and when I looked over and saw her cold lifeless face staring back at me that’s when I knew, I was the very thing I had nightmares of since I was a little boy.

I was left unscathed by my miraculous escape- as others called it. I just called it transmutation. I learned a lot since that day when I was a mere 12 years old, while my mother grieved yet never seemed to recover I became obsessed with finding out what I was, who I was, why I was created. It was years until I found out, but when they came to me, in my dreams. It all made sense.

They explained everything to me, how they and a demon had fallen in love however it wasn’t meant to be and they were torn from each other, but not before they fell pregnant- only possible due to the fact they were inhabiting a female body when the act took place.

It all made sense, all my years of searching and I finally got confirmation, I was a demon. A forbidden creature not even god could love, so I did what I thought was best and pushed everyone as far away from me as possible, and although it killed me to see my mother desperately trying to connect with me even through some of her darkest moments, I was doing what I thought was best.

My powers were completely out of control, the longer I lived the more powers showed up and the stronger they grew, transmutation, telekinesis, pyrokenisis, to many to name, and with each power came more struggle to keep my secret hidden, it was almost impossible to keep all of this bottled inside me,

And It was all going to plan, live my life never getting close to another person so they wouldn’t get hurt- that was of course until the new kid’s came to school- The Cullens- and among them was Jasper Hale, the man I would fall head over heels in love with and would completely change my life.

I tried my hardest to push him away but he wasn’t having any of it. He slowly chipped away at the walls I had so desperately built around myself, for months I slowly let him in, it was on the third month I officially befriended him, the fifth month I was fighting off a serious crush, and the six month was one I will forever cherish, the month he asked me out and I accepted so quickly embarrassment ate away at me. The eighth month he told me what he was and for just a moment I thought maybe he could understand, that we’d be safe with each other, and although I never told him what I was- I still felt as if he understood every part of me.

But that was crushed when a few days after our six month anniversary he was attacked by a group of nomad vampires, apparently my unusual scent still lingered on his brought them there- I was the reason they attacked him and he got hurt- although only slightly in vampire standard it still could have been much worse, he could’ve been killed.

I will never forget the image of him flashing in front of my, pure fear in his eyes as both his cold hands clamped around my shoulders, his voice faltered slightly as he asked if I was okay and if anything had happened. His blue shirt torn on his arms, new scars appeared under them, I  tried to ignore is but my head spun as he told me the events that had just taken place and I knew, I knew I was wrong. I knew he wasn’t safe with me.

And that’s why I’m pushing him away now, and this time I won’t let him tear down my walls in fear of him getting hurt because of me again- or even worse ending up like my mother.

But of course he wasn’t going to make that easy for me. It’s hard to explain to the man you love why you avoiding him when you can’t just casually say “Oh it’s because I’m a demon-angel hybrid and I don’t want you to die because everything good around me seems to die, my mother, my dog, happiness, kindness, all that good stuff. So I’ve decided to essentially shun you from my life. Okay bye have a nice day.”

So when I moved seats in class, didn’t sit with him at lunch, didn’t drive to school with him and hang out with him after school, didn’t even respond to his texts, he was slightly pissed, but mainly extremely concerned. What had happened? Was it something he did? Were you threatened by someone? Had you simply fallen out of love with him? Was he just not good enough?

He had to confront me, I knew it was coming but that didn’t make it any less heart wrenching. My chest ached as he confront me on my walk home, on the most secluded part of the route, his eyes were filled with pain as he asked a simple question, “Why?”

My throat went dry and I wrapped my arms around myself, the only source of comfort in this moment, I looked him dead in the eye and shook slightly as my entire facade dropped away in an instant, overwhelming guilt and despair washing over me, a single word caused my eyes to burn and water, my breath faltering despite my best efforts to keep it steady.

His golden eyes flooded with concern as he took in my pathetic state, “I can’t tell you.” I choked out, sucking in a jagged breath to try and calm myself but it only broke the damn in my eyes and tears streamed down my face- much to my dismay. In this moment as I looked at his confused and hurt eyes I envied his ability to not cry, it would make convincing him I don’t want to be with him much easier.

“Darling, what happened?” He said taking a step closer to me, “Why have you been so distant?”

I matched his step but backwards, wanting to keep distant because I couldn’t promise myself I wouldn’t fall into his arms if he got any closer.

“Nothing happened, Jasper. I just don’t think we are a good match.” I lied through my teeth, and I could see it on his face he knew it was a blatant lie.

“I don’t believe you, tell me what’s wrong Y/N. We can fix it, whatever it is we can work through it.” He promised, taking a quick step forward, this is so quick I couldn’t step away. I could only push him slightly by placing my hand on his chest, although he didn’t budge. He only held onto my hand while it was placed against his chest.

“Did I do something?” He asked, his brows furrowing as he stared at me, the pain in his eyes almost killed me and I couldn’t let him think he was the reason I didn’t want to be with him- he was the reason I wanted so badly to be with him, I was the reason I couldn’t.

“It’s nothing to do with you...” I mumbled trying to step back but his grip on my hand kept me in place, “Jasper please, let me go.” I said, referring to my hand although it had deeper meaning, I just needed him to let me go emotionally and physically.

“No, tell me what’s wrong,” He said cradling my hands gingerly although keeping a firm grip on them, “Whatever it is we can fix it-”

“No you can’t!” I shouted finally pulling my hands free, taking advantage of the fact that me raising my voice caused him to falter. I took a few steps back before running my now sweaty hands through my hair, I can’t do this... I can’t tell him.

“Please, Y/N. Whatever I did, I’ll make it better.” He practically begged, his usually steady voice quivering, irritation filled me and I finally burst, after all these years, my true self was finally revealed.

“No, Jasper! No you can’t, you can’t fix me! You’re not the problem I am, everything about me is damned- I’m quite literally a demon, I’m a monster in so many ways you will never understand, I can not be fixed like you said, you can’t fix this problem, I can never be fixed! Everything I love gets taken from me, my mothers, my friends, even my damn dog, I thought maybe you’d be safe, maybe you wouldn’t be affected by this damned curse, but no! You’ll just end up like everyone else!” I talked so fast my mind couldn’t keep up, I barely realize the burning sensation on my skin and the feeling of the wind hitting against my body but not in a sense I had ever felt before.

Looking over my shoulder I flinched at what I saw- there is not other way to say it other then the fact that I had sprouted wings, large and dark gray, filling the space behind me with large fuzzy feathers somewhat resembling a hawks feathers- but not only that small fires had lit themselves around my very being, causing the heat I had barely noticed before, this is it. He know’s I’m a monster, it only a matter of second before he leaves-

I was cut off by oh-so-familiar arms wrapping around me, pulling me into a tight hug, burying his face into my neck, I was so taken aback I could do nothing but stand almost limply in his arms, overwhelmed by a emotion I could not place but shocks of energy to each one of my nerves, but it sent a choked sob out of my throat and turned my stomach.

“It’s going to be okay, Y/N, Everything is going be alright.” his arms continued to embrace me, one of his hand resting on the back of my head and gently stroking my hair, although he was unable to soothe me via his powers, those simple words soothed me beyond imagine.

Finally letting a deep breath out the unimaginable weight I hadn’t realized was on my shoulders, I let myself fall into his arm, clutching at his freezing body like it was my only life line to this earth. Broken sobs leaving my lips as he supported my weight.

Once I had calmed down he finally let go of me, wiping the few stray tears from my cheek then ruffling my hair, without saying a single word he took my hand and started leading me away from where we had been, I looked over my shoulder- wings having dissipated at some point during the hug- and saw gray feathers blowing in the wind, scorch marks littering the ground around me.

“Jasper,” I said looking back over to him, “Where are we going?” I asked, He simply glanced at me, offering me a slight smile before stating simply “To the woods.”

“Jazzy that sounds like you’re going to kill me.” I mumbled but still followed him, knowing that was obviously not his intent.

Here only laughed at my statement, shaking his head slightly, if I could see his face I knew there would be a cheeky grin on his face and his gold locks would be perfectly framing his face- the thought made me want to make him look at me right now, however I continued to let him lead me deeper and deeper into the woods, before he let go of my hand- sighing in content.

“This will do.” He stated turning to me, leaning against a tree with his arms crossed.

“Will do for what exactly?” I questioned, he only smiled at me with that aggravatingly beautiful smile that just made me want to squeal like some twelve year old girl.

“For you to do some explaining.”

And with that he somehow convinced me to sit down and tell him all about my big secret- I had never even told him I witnessed my mother die in fear it would bring up to many questions, but now all my cards were out on the table and I spilled my soul to him. I told him about watching the life drain from my mothers body, how I spent months and years searching for answers, how my true “Mother” Visits me in my dream and explained everything, I told his I was technically a demon-angel hybrid, I told him how I pushed everyone away in fear my powers would become out of control as they so often did and cause someone to get hurt.

In the end it was nearly dark out, I had showed Jasper a small snippet of my power that I had showed him before, illuminating us with a small flame within my palm, he took my hand and pulled it closer,

“Hey, watch out Jasper it’s hot.” I said pulling away slightly so he wouldn’t hurt himself, although I quickly remembered he couldn’t feel the fire and it would simply wash over him, realizing my mistake I offered my hand again, a slight blush on my cheeks.

He remained motionless for a moment, before a grin spread across his face and he took my hand again, the hand that wasn’t gingerly caressing my hand floated above the flame, quickly dipping his fingers into the flame causing it to dance around him before pulling his hand away.

“Fascinating.” He almost gawked, looking me in my eyes, his eyes held a glint of fascination and an emotion I couldn’t place.

“What are you thinking about?” I quizzed, he let out a slight hum, letting go of my hand and standing from our position on the ground.

“You said you didn’t have full control of these powers?” He asked, however it sounded more like a statement.

“Yes..” I answered hesitantly.

“Well then,” He said before taking my hand and pulling me up so I was standing in front of him, “We’ve got a lot of work to do.”

(I hope this was okay, I’m still suffering a tad from sick brain but I think it’s decent. @shamelessloverhairdopainter​ If this isn’t to your liking feel free to contact me and i’ll tweak it to your liking :) have a wonderful evening and stay safe everyone)

[waitineedaname]

Lightning Round, Take Two

kudos to @notedchampagne for inspiring this!!

also on ao3

-

“This is a terrible idea.”

“It’ll be fine.”

“She’s going to hate me.”

“She’ll love you.”

“Love me? Love me?!” Karkat all but shrieked. “I don’t know if you’ve realized this, Dave, but I don’t exactly make the best impressions! In fact, one might even say I make the worst impressions! We’ll be lucky if she doesn’t end this visit early because she can’t stand being around me because I have the personality of a deep seated pimple!”

“Damn. The kind it hurts to pop?”

“Yes! The kind of pimple that never forms a head and settles on your upper lip so it hurts every time you move your mouth! That’s what my personality is like: persistent, painful, and pus-filled!”

“The three P’s.” Dave mused, and Karkat shot him a scowl. “C’mon man, don’t sell yourself short. You’re like a blackhead at the worst.”

“Don’t pander to me, Strider.” Karkat grumbled and crossed his arms, but he didn’t complain when Dave slung his arm over his shoulders. “I still think this would go much better without me.”

“Nah, dude, trust me, this is the best option. I mean, best case scenario, if I did this by myself, she’d be like ‘omg do u have a bf’ and I’d be like ‘yeah’ because that’s part of what I’m tryna do here, tell folks about us, but then she’d want pictures even though she’s definitely met you, and then I’d have to show her all those cute pictures I took of you when you weren’t looking, and I know you don’t want that.”

“You what?”

“You didn’t hear that.”

Karkat rolled his eyes and leaned a little closer into Dave’s side, eyes tracing the little carapacian homes they were walking by. Dusk was falling, much to his relief; they both had to make compromises when they realized their species operated at different times of day, but he still avoided leaving the hive when the sun was glaring and ready to burn him to a crisp. Dave probably could’ve flown them all the way to Roxy and Calliope’s house, but Karkat hated making him carry him that far (Dave always insisted he wasn’t that heavy, but the strain in his voice never escaped Karkat’s notice), so they were walking the last few blocks. Karkat had a sneaking suspicion Dave was fine with walking because he was trying to delay the inevitable. He was nervous, if the way his fingers were tapping on Karkat’s upper arm or the way he kept clenching and unclenching his jaw said anything. Karkat sighed and unfolded his arms to wrap one around Dave’s waist.

“You don’t have anything to worry about, you know.” He said, surprising Dave into looking down at him.

“What? Who said I’m worried? You’re the one who’s been bitching the whole evening.”

“Because I want to make a good impression on your weird paradox ancestor, shit for brains. I’m saying you don’t need to be worried about coming out to her.” He met Dave’s eyes through his shades, something he’d gotten good at over the sweeps. “Of all fucking people, she’ll be the most fine with it. That’s why you’re telling her first, right?”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just-” Dave sighed and looked away. He was better than he used to be, but holding eye contact was still hard for him, “It’s a big deal, you know? I mean, Rose probably figured it out from living in a confined space with us, and Dirk kinda got it out of context clues, but this is a first using the big B-word.”

“She’ll be fine. And if she isn’t, I’ll tear her apart and at least give her a reason to hate your boyfriend besides my shit-awful personality.”

“Aw, babe, I dunno whether to be flattered you’d attack my mom like a feral raccoon or bummed that you’re trashin’ yourself.”

“How about we compromise, and I’ll stop shit-talking myself if you stop stressing yourself out about this.”

“...Deal.”

“Good. Because I think that’s her house.”

“Oh shit.”

The two of them stopped just outside the elaborate building the carapacians had offered Roxy and Calliope back when they’d first arrived in the middle of Earth C society, both of them brimming with anxiety despite their reassurances. Karkat almost thought Dave was going to say this was too much for him and turn around and fly home, but he unwrapped himself from Karkat’s arm and instead held his hand to walk up to the front door and knock.

“Just a sec!” Roxy’s voice rang out from somewhere inside, and a few seconds later, the door opened to reveal her smiling face. “Davey!” She squealed and launched herself at him, hugging him tightly. Dave, to his credit, adapted quickly and let go of Karkat’s hand to hug her back.

“Sup, Rox.”

Roxy pulled away from Dave to turn towards Karkat, who instinctively took a half step back. She noticed and laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m not gonna hug you if you don’t wanna. Is a fistbump cool?”

“I don’t know if I would call anything a certain red asshole harangued me with in the early years of our friendship ‘cool’, but it is acceptable.” That made Roxy laugh, and he gave her a light fistbump.

“Karkat, bro, I can’t believe you’re just calling me uncool in front of my mom. What the fuck. What is this betrayal.” Dave shook his head, but he already seemed more relaxed.

“Dave, I dunno how to break this to you, but you’re related to me ‘n Dirk.” Roxy tried to adopt a sympathetic expression despite her grin. “You’ve got dork running through your veins.”

“Goddamn. You’re tellin’ me I’ve got a genetic predisposition for this shit?”

“Yup. It’s chronic. Doctors everywhere’re rushing to write studies on our family to try and isolate the ‘cool-but-really-not-cool’ gene.”

“Let’s hope it’s not replicable in a lab or anything. I’m pretty sure Earth C can only handle four of us.”

“Ohmigod, can you imagine them trying to test it out. Little lab rats wearing shades and writing wizard fic. Holy shit.” Roxy gasped at her own idea, an unbelievably pleased look on her face.

“Oh my dick. Fuck ectobiology, this is the science I want to invest in.”

“Absolutely not.” Karkat interjected. “There’s already enough of you jackasses, I think I’d have an aneurysm if any more blond lunatics were running around.”

“Lol,” Karkat couldn’t believe Roxy just said that out loud, “You’re probably right. Are we gonna keep fucking around about cool mice on the doorstep, or do you guys wanna come in?”

She stepped aside to lead them inside and showed them to the living room. “Callie’s out picking up dinner. I would’ve made something since I invited you guys over for dinner, but living in the water apocalypse did not leave me with many cooking skills.”

“Hey, no shade here.” Dave shrugged, plopping down on the couch with Karkat at his side. “I don’t think I’d be able to work an oven if I tried. We’re a strictly take-out household. Hivehold? I dunno, but we’ve barely touched the kitchen in the week we’ve been here.”

“Excuse you, I made those Hot Pockets yesterday.” Karkat countered sharply.

“Yeah, and they were like 30% cooked, dude. You put them in the microwave for thirty seconds and then panicked.”

“Fuck you, I don’t see you doing much better! In fact, I distinctly remember you eating those frozen pizza pockets like a ravenous barkbeast! It was like you’d been locked in a cave with nothing to eat for half a sweep and my delicious plate of folded sauce treats were the only thing saving you from a miserable, malnourished death!”

“I mean, a Hot Pocket’s a Hot Pocket. I’m not gonna turn one of those fuckers down, who do you think I am.”

“I think you’re a wiggler with no sense of taste.”

“You eat bugs.”

“And you put ranch on your pizza! Bricks and glass houses, Dave!”

“Dude, do trolls even have that expression? Aren’t y’all light sensitive? Why would you have glass houses?”

“Newsflash, dipshit, I’ve lived in close proximity for the majority of the past two sweeps with an overflowing fountain of pop culture references and idioms and an uppity seer that likes to make things as convoluted and difficult to understand as possible. I picked up a few human phrases! Uh, no offense, Roxy.” Karkat added at the mention of Rose.

“None taken! I’m pretty sure she gets that from Dirk anyway.” Roxy waved him off. “Take it back to the ranch on pizza thing tho, do you really do that? Is this some earth delicacy I missed out on?”

“Oh fuck yeah, it rules. You gotta try it some time.” Dave nodded, excited to get someone else to try his food crimes.

“Imma have to take a pass on that.” Roxy said, crinkling her nose.

“Finally, someone with taste!” Karkat exclaimed, and Dave gently hit his shoulder.

“I am slowly workin’ through traditional earth food tho! Or at least as traditional as you can get here. That’s where we’re getting dinner from! There’s this human/troll fusion place that Callie and I like. I dunno how authentic it is, but it tastes good at least!”

“I mean, nothing on Earth C is super authentic, it’s all like human diet slightly to the left, but it’s edible.”

“Better than the garbage we alchemized on the meteor, at least.” Karkat agreed.

“God, the fucking buffalo wings debacle.” Dave and Karkat shuddered in unison. Roxy looked amused.

“You guys spent a lot of time together on the meteor, right? And now you’re living together?” Roxy asked, and they both nodded. She had a look in her eyes that was far too reminiscent of the look Rose got when she was gearing up to psychoanalyze someone, and Karkat was hit with a stroke of panic. “Sooo, I should prob’ly do a lightning round with you too, right? Since you’re important to Dave?”

The pair shared a look and Dave shrugged, appearing nonchalant despite the way he was anxiously picking at a loose string on his jeans. “Uh, I guess?” Karkat said, bracing himself.

“I’ll start easy, I promise!” Roxy drummed her fingers on her lips as if thinking. “Hm… you’ve got ‘cat’ in your name, do you like cats?”

Karkat made a face, thrown off by the question. “I guess? I never had one, but Nepeta was pretty fucking into them, and they seemed… fine. I can respect a meowbeast that just lazes around if it’ll leave me the fuck alone, but Nepeta’s lusus could’ve probably torn me to shreds, so…” He shrugged.

“Was Nepeta a friend from the game?” Roxy backpedaled the moment she saw Karkat’s face fall. “Oh shit, tender subject, sorry.” She worried her lip, looking for another question, then perked up. “Oh! What’s your sign? I know it’s Cancer from earth astrology and stuff, but what’s that mean for trolls?”

Karkat looked down at his chest and grimaced. “Fuck if I know, I don’t actually have a sign. I spent most of my life thinking this stupid thing meant precisely fuck all. I guess it’s a symbol of my ancestor? But I never really learned much about him since the empress always tried to erase his rebellion, and I thought that ancestor shit was highblood bullshit anyway. I guess now I know it’s not, but ugh, I could’ve happily gone my whole wretched life without meeting that douchebag.”

“We met his ancestor in the dream bubbles.” Dave explained. “Or I guess descendent? Since y’all are technically the post-scratch group? I never really understood that part.”

“Doesn’t fucking matter, he was a pretentious asswipe with his head so far up his nook it’s a wonder he was even audible, but oh god, was he audible alright.”

“Lmao, I kinda wanna meet this guy.” Roxy grinned.

“No you don’t.” Dave and Karkat said in unison, which made her laugh.

“I’ll take your word for it.” The mischievous look was back in her eyes. “Next question! Have you ever had your quadrants filled?”

Karkat almost choked. “What the fuck kind of question is that? That’s none of your fucking business!” He blustered. “My quadrants are private, and it’s my decision if I want to bring them up! Are all humans this fucking nosy or is it just the Lalondes?!”

“It’s just the Lalondes.” Dave said flatly.

“I just thought it’d be fair since I asked Dave that in our lightning round!” Roxy put her hands up in apology, but didn’t look particularly apologetic. “I was curious!”

Karkat was about to continue his rant about people feeling entitled to knowledge about virtual strangers’ quadrants, but the way Dave sat up and cleared his throat gave him pause.

“Actually, Rox,” Dave started, fidgeting a bit, “I never answered that question back on the lilypad.”

“Yeah, but that’s okay!” Roxy brushed him off. “I’m not gonna push you to answer something you’re not comfy with.”

“That’s the thing. I wanna answer you now, if that’s cool.”

“Oh!” Roxy’s eyes widened. “Of course that’s cool! That’s cooler than cool.”

Dave lifted an eyebrow, a smile pulling at his lips despite himself. “What’s cooler than being cool?”

“Ice cold!” Roxy shouted at the top of her lungs, and the two of them chanted “alright” about a dozen times while Karkat watched them in bewilderment. Humans, he thought. He’d never understand them.

“Okay, but for real tho,” Roxy said once they’d both gotten a handle on their giggles, “You wanted to say something?”

“Yeah.” Dave almost immediately looked anxious again, running his hands over his jeans. “So. You asked if I’d ever kissed anyone or-” He cleared his throat and the rest came out in a mumbled cough, “-been in love.”

Karkat held his breath, eyes flicking between Dave and a very focused Roxy.

“The, um. The answer to both of those questions is… yes? And I know you’re wonderin’ who, that’s like the next logical question, like if you ask someone if they’re hungry and they say yes, your next question is probably gonna be ‘what do you wanna eat’, unless you’re a total dick and just wanted to, I dunno, be aware of someone else’s hunger for your own sick pleasures and leave ‘em waiting like you’re some kinda sick torturer tryin’ to extract information out of a prisoner, like ‘hey are you hungry?’ ‘Yeah, I am, actually. I’ve been hanging from my ankles for a week now and I’d kill for some motherfucking KFC right now.’ ‘Interesting. Go fuck yourself.’ That’s not a very good interrogator, actually, he didn’t even try to get any information out of the guy except for the knowledge that he’s really craving some chicken, which is virtually useless, unless the interrogator is working for KFC’s competitor, like Popeyes out here tryna get the deets on their rival brands. Hey, do you think they’ve got a Popeyes anywhere on Earth C? Maybe we should start one, make a shit ton of money. Really boost the economy.”

“Dave.” Karkat cut him off before he could get too far from the topic, giving him a pointed look. “Were you actually going to say something important or were you going to just talk out of your deflated ass forever?”

“Hey man, you know you love my ass.”

“The point, Dave-!”

“Right right right.” Dave shook his head and took a deep breath before looking at Roxy again, who looked like she was might be putting things together already. “It’s Karkat. The answer to ‘who’, I mean. We’ve, uh. We’ve been dating since the meteor.”

Roxy’s whole face lit up. “Aw, congrats you guys! That’s really sweet!”

“Yeah.” Dave looked over at Karkat and gave him a tiny smile before looking a little apprehensive again. “I’d, uh, appreciate if you didn’t tell anyone though? I mean, the rest of the meteor crew probably knows because we spent… a lot of time together.”

“Most of that was platonic, though. A good two-thirds of it, at least.” Karkat countered.

“True, but they don’t know that. Far as they know, one day we were just two bros hanging out and watching movies and shit, then the next day, Vriska walks in to catch one of those bros taking a snooze on his other bro’s lap and falling off the couch the moment she announces her presence.”

“I’ll give you three fucking guesses which dumbass that was.” Karkat directed that at Roxy, and she snorted.

“Rude.” Dave nudged him. “But yeah, they’ve probably figured it out, but we haven’t officially told anyone. I haven’t even told anyone I’m, you know. Bisexual.”

“Wait, so I’m the first person you’ve told?” Roxy looked a little stunned.

“I- Yeah? I just thought you’d probably be a safe person to go to, especially since we don’t have any weird baggage like I might have with John and Jade, you’re just my alt-mom, which I guess does make things a little weird-”

“It’s a little weird, but it does mean you get a certified mom hug!” She interrupted, standing up.

“A mom hug? Dunno if I know what those are like.” Dave said, smiling a little.

“They’re like this, you big goober.” Roxy pulled him into a tight hug, pulling him down a little so he could put his head on her shoulder. “I’m proud of you, Davey. That’s a big deal, comin’ out and shit. I’m glad you felt like you could tell me.”

“...Thanks mom.” Dave’s voice was a watery mumble against her shoulder, but he seemed to have collected himself by the time they pulled away. Roxy immediately turned her sights on Karkat.

“Your turn! You’re family now, you can’t escape hugs anymore.”

“Ugh, you humans are so fucking tactile.” Karkat grumbled but resigned himself to Roxy’s affectionate squeeze.

“Hey man, don’t act like you’re not cuddly as hell. I have to pry you off of me with a crowbar to go take a piss sometimes. You should see this dude when he gets sleepy, Rox, it’s so fucking cute. Did you know trolls purr? It’s some kinda flushed noise or something and it’s the fucking best.” Dave seemed to already be relaxing now that the thing he’d been dreading was over with.

“That’s private!” Karkat hissed, embarrassed. Dave just grinned at him and sat a little closer when they took a seat again. “Do you want me airing out how you melt like a touch starved candybar left in the sunlight when I suggest you should be the little spoon? Or how you turn into a warbling puddle of Dave when I do this?” He reached over and out his hand on Dave’s knee, rubbing his thumb in soothing circles. Casual affection, Dave’s weakness.

“Aw,” Roxy cooed. Dave looked thoroughly embarrassed and made a strangled noise in his throat. Karkat gave him a smug look.

“Shut up.” He grumbled weakly and scooted a little closer so he could press against Karkat’s side and hold his hand.

“So you guys are matesprits?” Roxy asked, and Karkat’s anxiety immediately returned. Dave wasn’t the only one who had coming out to do. Dave squeezed his hand and let Karkat start since this was his thing to discuss.

“Mostly?” He offered weakly, then tried to sound more certain. “We’re kind of pale too.”

“Plus I piss you off in a pitch way sometimes.” Dave added helpfully.

“And the way you kept me from tearing Vriska apart on the meteor was sort of ashen.” Karkat admitted.

“I mean, there wasn’t really much of a chance of you tearing her apart to begin with. Spidertroll could’ve probably kicked any of our asses in her sleep, she’s fuckin’ crazy.”

“My point still stands!”

“So…” Roxy interrupted, guiding them back on topic, “You’re in all quadrants? I didn’t know trolls did that!”

Karkat winced. “They don’t. Usually. It’s extremely frowned upon.”

“Karkat’s had trouble keeping shit in one quadrant.” Dave explained for him. “He’s got a big ol’ heart full of love.”

“I’m pretty sure you’re the only person in Paradox Space to come to that conclusion about what my useless fucking pump biscuit is full of, but thanks for the thought.” Karkat rolled his eyes, defaulting to annoyance to avoid the insecurities that always gnawed at him when he thought about his relationship with quadrants. “‘Full of love’ is usually not the first thing people describe me as. More like ‘full of a burning anger’ or ‘a perpetual stream of irritable piss’ or, hell, ‘just undiluted dumbass juice!’ As far as most people are concerned, I’m Karkat ‘useless shitfit’ Vantas, and they’re not fucking wrong!”

“Okay, sure, you might be the grumpiest person in all - what, is this five universes now? I can’t keep track, but that doesn’t mean you’re not secretly a big softy.” Dave rubbed his thumb over Karkat’s knuckles. “I know that best out of probably anyone.”

“If it helps, I don’t think of you as those things!” Roxy added. Karkat gave her a disbelieving look.

“Full offense, we’ve never really ‘hung out.’”

“I mean, no, but I’ve seen you interacting with Dave and John and Kanaya and stuff, and you’ve always seemed to be a caring friend underneath all the yelling.” Roxy shrugged. “It’s nice knowing Dave’s in good hands since I’ve only been part of his family for a couple weeks. Means I don’t have to give you a shovel talk prob’ly!”

“The shovel talk? What the fuck? What does that even mean?” Karkat looked at Dave for an explanation, but he only winced.

“You know, when parents meet their kid’s partner and are like ‘you better not hurt my baby, or I’ll kill you.’ That kind of thing. I’m guessing trolls didn’t do that on Alternia?” Roxy tilted her head, seeming genuinely curious. Karkat’s face contorted as he wrapped his head around that concept.

“Okay, first of all, no we didn’t because we didn’t even have parents and our lusii wouldn’t give two shits about our quadrantmates. Second of all, you better not even think about giving me your ridiculous human ‘shovel talk’! I’ve known Dave far longer than you have, so it really should be me going ‘don’t fucking hurt him,’ but I know I don’t need to because Dave can fucking handle himself! He doesn’t need your bullshit defenses! If I ever hurt him, I trust him to be able to tell me to fuck off out of his life - not that he’d ever need to because I’d rather establish a culling system in the Troll Kingdom and offer myself up as their first sacrifice than hurt Dave!” He took a deep inhale to continue his tirade, but Dave cut him off with a pat to the cheek.

“Yo, dude, shoosh, it’s okay. It’s really not that big of a deal.” It was only after Dave cut off his train of thought that Karkat realized how worked up he was getting, and he shrank back down against Dave’s shoulder, embarrassed. “I’m pretty sure Roxy was kidding, anyway.”

“Yeah, for sure!” Roxy nodded quickly. “I didn’t mean to imply you were gonna hurt Dave or that he couldn’t take care of himself or anything. That’s hella not my place, and you guys seem very good for each other.”

“Oh. Well. Good.” He sent her a warning glare just to make sure he’d gotten the point across, then forced himself to let some tension out of his shoulders.

“It is really nice knowin’ my family’s in good hands though.” Roxy smiled. “Hell, it’s nice knowin’ I have a family! Oh my god, Dave, do you realize none of us Strilondes are straight? I mean, Rose ‘n Dirk are both gay as hell, and then you and I are bi!”

“Yeah- Wait, what?” Dave jolted a little in surprise. “Rox, you’re bi too? Since when?”

“Uh, since always?” Roxy laughed a bit. “I thought that’s why you came to me, because you knew!”

“No! Holy shit, I gotta process this for a second.”

“LMAO.” Roxy said, pronouncing every letter. “Yeah, dude! I mean, can you blame me? Like, dudes are hot as fuck, that’s like self explanatory. I mean, have you seen the Englberts? Eglishes? Whatever their family name is, John and Jake are both total babes, but then there are girls too! I mean, Janey, what a gal, right? And Callie too!”

“Right?” Dave enthused, clearly excited someone understood where he was coming from. “Girls are so fucking good, hot damn, but then? Dudes? Holy shit?”

“Yeah!” Roxy was just about throwing herself out of her chair with her excitement. “I can barely leave the house, it’s just smoochable babes everywhere I turn.”

“I’d say it’s a goddamn plight, but I got the most smoochable right here.” Dave emphasized his point with a kiss to one of Karkat’s horns, making him squawk. Dave laughed a little and turned back to Roxy. “Yo, but rewind back to Callie. Soooo, are y’all two, y’know…”

Roxy looked remarkably like Dave when embarrassed. “Uh…” The sound of the front door opening and Calliope’s greeting voice cut her off. “I’ll get back to you on that!” Dave waggled his eyebrows at her but didn’t push it.

Dinner was an enjoyable affair, despite Karkat’s near constant crippling fear of being miserable in every social engagement. The food was good and pretty close to tasting like home, and the conversation was fluid - mostly because Roxy and Dave chattered the entire time like hyperactive squirrels. Karkat tried to be annoyed with their ridiculous stream of consciousness discussions, but he couldn’t help but feel warm watching Dave talk so comfortably with his ecto-mom. And he certainly wasn’t the only person happy with the situation; every time he and Dave started bantering back and forth, he could see Roxy’s delight out of the corner of his eye, and the absolutely lovestruck look on her face whenever Calliope spoke didn’t escape him either.

Eventually, though, they had to head home - though Dave and Karkat had both shifted their sleep schedules to be active in the afternoon and most of the night, the majority of their human friends were still diurnal and needed to go to bed eventually - so after a few more hugs from Roxy, they were sent on their way.

Dave landed them down the street from their hive, and Karkat didn’t complain about having to walk that last distance. The Troll Kingdom was just now starting to wake up, stores and restaurants lighting up, trolls in suits rushing to their early jobs, and young trolls getting ushered off to school. It was so different from Alternia, but Karkat thought he could probably get used to the differences if it meant he didn’t have to worry about getting culled at a single glance at his blood color. Maybe it was too early to tell, but if he let himself feel just the slightest bit optimistic for his future, he had a feeling he could be really happy here. He could live a peaceful, successful life on Earth C, and if the cheerful way Dave was swinging their clasped hands meant anything, he wasn’t the only one feeling hopeful.

“So,” He prompted, leaning into Dave’s shoulder, “I guess that could have been more horrible.”

“Yep.” Dave said, popping the ‘p’. “We’ll have to scrap those emergency plans. Cancel our name changes and facial reconstructions and flights to the other side of Earth C, no need to run away immediately.”

“I don’t know, we might have to keep that shit pencilled in. We still need to tell John.” Karkat reminded him, and Dave groaned.

“Oh fuck. Yeah, never mind, you sure we can’t just fuck off into another universe? Universe D here we come. The D stands for Davekat ‘cause it’ll just be us, babe. It also stands for Dick because, come on, it’s us, of course it does. Also Dinosaurs just ‘cause. Do you think dinosaurs are a universal constant? Like, did dinosaurs exist for you guys? Or- oh shit, do you think they evolved differently? Are trolls just super evolved dinosaurs?”

“Dave,” Karkat gave him a look, “I think I would know if I was a dinosaur.”

“I dunno, dude, maybe we’re all dinosaurs-”

“Okay, I know when to cut that shit off.” Karkat rolled his eyes and let go of his hand to unlock their door. “Seriously, I think… that went okay. Less than horrid.”

“Less than horrid, huh? That’s a big compliment coming from you, are you feeling okay? Are you gettin’ some kinda fluffy feelings from hanging out with Roxy too long, ‘cause like, I get it.”

“Shut up. All I’m saying is this might not have been as much of an ordeal as we thought, this ‘coming out to everyone we know’ thing.”

“Maybe. You might be right.” Dave admitted, following him inside. “But that involved way too many emotions, and I think all my brain’s been used up for the rest of the day for anything that involves more thought than playing Xbox for seven hours straight. You down?”

“Fuck yes.”

[edalynn]

introduction to all my cats

this is stinky, u all know her from her blog @stinkysuggest. naughty and loves to throw tantrums and beat up her family bc she get into moods. she follows me everywhere and is the BABY despite not being the youngest anymore. she cries if shes not allowed in a room im in & she is still jealous of fox and hates when other ppl touch me bc i am HER MOM and she will DEFEND. she lays on fox now, though if im laying w her and on my side. must be close to mom at all times

khoshekh is stinky’s brother from the litter before her. he is whiney and a cissy baby but is full of lov. he loves drinking water from the faucets and cries until u turn them on. he also loves playing string and will bring it to you and yell until u play with him. then when he’s done he’ll pull it out of ur hands and take his string elsewhere.also loves brunettes and likes going thru leg tunnels or behind ur back when ur leaning on something

this is bebe, she’s the oldest and everyones mom, even mine. shes also my familiar and is one of the last living cats from my first ever cat..shes unspayed so we can hopefully continue the lineage one day hbhbhbh. often found cuddling with khoshekh who thinks she is his gf

tempura is be’s great niece and nutmegs daughter. she is shy and nervous but loves to cuddle and be pet. im hoping the move to the new house will help her come out of her shell when everyone is on equal unfamiliar ground

Juno is tempy’s niece (pinecone’s daughter) and nutmegs granddaughter. she is a gremlin menace who only lives in my room bc shes a secret. she loves being held and cuddled but also knocking over everything you love. and eating shirts?? she also loves playing fetch w her crinkle ball and will sometimes just bring it to u and drop it on u if she wants to play and is bored

nutmeg is be’s niece and is the new mama cat. she is full of love and so friendly. she loves to lick and chew on hands and will claw u if u try to take ur hand away. she loves her babies and has been a surrogate mother twice.shes my baby and has the prettiest green eyes in the entire world

Cinnamon is one of nutmeg’s surrogate daughters and juno’s littermate. shes nutmegs actual grandaughter and tempy’s niece. only me and my grandma can touch her & she hisses as a greeting instead of meows akjhfkjasf. she loves her adoptive brother so much too.

one of my aunts found cloves tied up in a plastic bag in a dumpster. nutmeg is his adoptive mother and he loves his found family so much. hes very vocal about his love and also loves every human in the world despite one being so cruel to him. hes really the sweetest boy and a puffball with a still triangle kitten tail akshfaksjf. he also just looks like a little man which is great

mommom is also one of our mama cats. she showed up on our back porch one day and ended up having four kittens (roxy and khoshekh’s litter) then my mom put her back outside bc she “wasnt our problem” and she got pregnant again and had stinky’s litter, in our house akjsfhkjasf shes a mostly inside cat now AND spayed and spoiled. the orange kitties were all MINE but i couldnt take her when i moved, so she stayed at home & attached to my dad since i wasnt there anymore. she gets very confused when she hears me on calls and cant find me

roxy is khoshekh’s littermate and is chubby and stubby. shes sweet and round and loving, but had to be sent home due to her beating up tempy way too often and kinda traumatizing her hbhbhb i miss her every day though and i know khoshekh does too, she did the same thing mommom did after being seperated from me and latched onto my mother instead. they each follow theyre respective parents around and are very clingy kajhsfkas

i have 2 more but tumblr wouldnt let me add more pics bc its garbage but its blacky, one of mama cat’s first litters. hes large and IN CHARGE. hes between 15-17 yrs old but is immortal. he has shown no signs of getting old except for joint pain. blacky is eternal. he still stalks the other cats to prove he’s boss. the last is big gu, a stubby and round torti i got when i first moved to florida. she hates all otehr cats except blacky, but loves all humans unconditionally jkadhfka. shes a little strange though, so couldnt come with me when i moved bc we figured itd be too hard on her mentally

[animmania]

HOMESTUCK EPILOGUE MEAT THOUGHTS **SPOILERS**

So i want to make some things clear before i get started. I have only read the meat option. I wanted

to also read candy so I could make this with all possible information. But meat left such a bad taste

in my mouth. And after a friend of mine told me somethings about candy i just couldnt bring my

self to read more of it.

So yes i did not like the epilogue. And this is mainly just going to be talking about some of the main

reasons why i didnt like it. And if you did like it or disagree with anything i say. Thats perfectly fine

In fact im honestly happy you could like it. I really really wanted to like it but i just. Couldnt.

So what about it gave me so much issues. The first one is the style and format and feel of it. You will

notice its very different looking from homestuck. Being all text and having 2 routes to choose from.

And alot of it feels very differnt then homestuck and to be fair. Thats the point. I had to have it

explianed to me but it seems to be mostly going for the style and taking common tropes in fan

fiction. The look of it is apprently based on a fan fiction site and the meat route is meant to be the

darker fan fiction while the candy is meant to be happier one where every ship comes true. (altho

from what ive heard it seems more depressing then the darker route so i dont get how that works but

oh well) but that is the point. So it would and should make sense that it dosnt feel like homestuck

right? Well. no. Because no matter what. This is still the offical epilogue to the story. You can make

it look unoffical as much you want. You can try to explain that its both in cannon but not in cannon

but at the end of the day it dosnt matter. Its still the epilogue. It was written in part by the actual

creator. Its on the offical site. In fact if you go on the site right now. Its the very first thing you see.

With right below it homestuck. If they really wanted to drive this fan fiction thing all the way

though. Then i think it both shouldnt have been on the offical site. And hussie shouldnt have

written it. They could have made its own lil site or heck maybe even put it up on the fanfiction site

they had been mimicking. But by putting it up on the offical site it defeats the idea that this is meant

to be fanfiction.

While im on the looks of the epilogue i also got to say i was really expecting it to do more with it.

I was expecting them to do some really intersesting things with it being in this new format. For

example something many people thought including my self was that once john went back into the

cannon the formating would change back into homestucks as it normally is. That would have been

really intersting and would have helped cement that that world being not in the cannon. But. no.

That never happens. It stays in the fan fiction form though out and thats just kinda it. It felt like a

waste. Even the meta narrtive i thought was really wasted. When dirk takes over its noting that

homestuck its self hasnt done in the past. If anything its less. Like remember when doc scratch

took over in homestuck. And the whole site it self changed. That was really cool and interesting.

But here....its just changes the black text to yellow. Thats it. And now the narration is coming from

him. I couldnt help but feel really let down by it. It just seemed like....such a waste.

Ok lets talk about the characters and story and my main issues with them. Now apprently alot of

people didnt like that it was getting much darker in areas but i didnt mind. Homestuck was never

one to shy away from dark or mature subjects and now that the characters are older them dealing

with more mature things makes sense. My issue with the story is actually that its trying to be a story

when its meant to be an epilogue. An epilogue. To me at least. Should be about just the characters.

Seeing how they are doing after the events of the main story and seeing maybe new struggles after

the credits. And while there is some of that here. Its not the focus and more of the focus is one this

new story starting. John having to go fight lord english. Dirk becoming evil. Jane wanting to

become president. I couldnt get into any of it and it never gave me a reason to. This is just an

epilogue.not homestuck 2. not a spin off of any sort. Its just meant to be a short thing on what

happened after the ending. The main story is already over. And its so fruasting becuase it had stuff

in it that i loved but they dont focus on it enough. Like theres a side thing where roxy mentions

that they and calli had been talking about gender idenity and how they had came to the conclsuion

that roxy is trans and uses he him/they them pronuons. That part. Made me so happy. I thought it

was amazing that they were doing this with their character and it was really interesting. But at the

same time i couldnt help but think how much if this had more of a focus on. Like they say calli and

roxy talked about this. And i cant help but think how much i would have loved to see that  

conversation

there was also this one throw away line about how rose and her wife had been talking about

adopting. And i cant even to begin to say how much id love to read a story of just them talking

about if they should have a kid. And john discovering he has depression i thought was really good

and i wish it had more focus and had him just talking more to people about it. This epilogue left me

with just wanting so much it didnt give. Now  i will give credit the roxy being trans thing didnt

just get dropped they did have it devople as time went on and it was cool but again i just wanted

more of it. The stuff with dirk and lord english just felt. Pointless. And gave me an impression that

maybe they were afraid people wouldnt be interested in the epilogue if there wasnt some kind of

stake at risk and i cant help but wonder what it would have been like if they werent in it.

My other main issue with the story is how they did  sorten characters. Some i liked for example

where johnn,roxy,dave,karkat,rose and a few others.they were good and i felt they for the most part

showed how they had grown over the years and that this would be how they would naturally be

older. But others i couldnt get behind. For examples i didnt really care how they did jade. She really

didnt add anything and most of what she was doing was hitting on dave and karkat. It felt kinda like

a waste to have her just for that. Granted they do have her get possed but by then you dont really get

any more real interaction out of her so your mostly left with how she first shows up and its just ..

weak i think i would describe it as weak. Then theres characters like jane and dirk . Jane  now being

just stright up a jerk letrally shamming jake  to hundereds of people and dirk letrally being  super

evil and doing really really fucked up things. Im not asking for characters to be perfect angels. But

this seems just to much. To go from homestuck where they had grown alot as characters and had

bettered them selfs as people. To just going to this. Its. Its very unsatisfying.

I think i would use that word to sum up meat alot. Its very . Unsatisfying.  They mention in the

choice just before you pick meat or candy. That meat would be much harder to get though. But it

would be over all better for you and more satisfying to eat. For me. That never happened. Though  

out it all i never get that satisying feeling. I never got that (oh ok this made it worth it) it never

 never happened for me and its so fruastrating because i wanted to have that feeling so badly. I

wanted to love this but so many things about it kept making it impossible for me.

And this brings me to the final thing i want to say. Maybe my perosnal biggest issue with this and

why i cant enjoy it.

But first i want to talk about homestucks ending.  To me. Homestuck ended perfectly. One could

agrue that it could have had more problems going on but to me it was what i wanted. The characters

after years of struggles. After death,pain,saddness and so many hardships. Pulled though. They

made it to the other side. They grew as people.   They bettered them selfs. And  got a happy ending

that they desvered and worked hard to get. And with the credits giving us insight to how it was

going over there. I couldnt help but be so happy at it. When i got to it i was very emtional and i just

felt it was so right . And a great   note to end homestuck on .  

But thats no longer the case. It isnt the end now. It isnt the last thing from homestuck

This is . This is the end of homestuck. This is the last note it will go out on . The epilogue. An

epilogue that. To me. Felt so unsatisfying. And put the characterss though more shit and left things

on a sad un happy note that might not get any real conlsuion. This is it. It turned an ending that

i loved. Into a  bitter sweet momment. And you could say im being over dramatic. And i would

agree. I think i am. I want to just shut up and just  enjoy this or ignore it. But i cant. My brain wont

shut up and let it go. That this last part of homestuck. Something i love so much. Had its final

momment be this. I just feel. So .  Dissapointed by all this.

Now i want to just say some quick things here. These are just my thoughts. If you liked the epilogue

or even loved it. Im so happy for you. Honestly i mean this with all my heart. Im glad people can

and have enjoyed it. And you could also make the argument that by not reading both routes that

could be why i didnt enjoy it and maybe reading both would do so. And hey. Maybe your right. But

i cant really bring my self to do. But at the very least  i got my thoughts out. And as i am wrighting

this i am already feeling so much better  and im glad i could get my thoughts out there.

[cynical-bee]

I DARE YOU TO DO THE 200 things you can put in my ask TEXT. YOU HAVE TO. I TRIPLE DOG DARE YOU.

You suck, so much, Nen 

200: My crush’s name is:

me myself and I

199: I was born in:

the island of Oahu.

198: I am really:

GAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

197: My cellphone company is:

verizon

196: My eye color is:

green bitch

195: My shoe size is:

7 ½

194: My ring size is:

uhhh i dont wear rings my high school one is the only one i own and i wear it on a chain cause its too big

193: My height is:

5′3 and ½ but mentally I’m 6′2

192: I am allergic to:

raspberries, wool, and bad attitudes 

191: My 1st car was:

a 1999 blue Taurus 

190: My 1st job was:

A farm hand

189: Last book you read:

Jane Austins Pride and Prejudice

188: My bed is:

Nice? comfy? the place that i love?

187: My pet:

IS THE MOST ADORABLE DOGGOS EVER TO DOGGO

186: My best friend:

is really a bombass person i couldn’t have survived without her

185: My favorite shampoo is:

Redkin

184: Xbox or ps3:

PS3 i dont do xbox 

183: Piggy banks are:

my best friend, i have a cool coconut cat one that i named 

182: In my pockets:

i don’t have pockets but if i did

and it wasn’t fucking 4:16 in the morning

i would probably have my phone and pocket knives in them and my wallet

181: On my calendar:

I need to buy one of those

180: Marriage is:

a huge commitment 

179: Spongebob can:

wash my dishes

178: My mom:

is the strongest woman in this world.

177: The last three songs I bought were?

Omnia- prayer, one way living, and freedom song

176: Last YouTube video watched:

it was about making a giant slingshot rifle

175: How many cousins do you have?

dude i honestly cant even count that high

174: Do you have any siblings?

4 full blood, one adopted, 2 half blood and a lot of illegitimates that my dad has from affairs.

173: Are your parents divorced?

thankfully yeah 

172: Are you taller than your mom?

no, i wish she’s really fucking tall she’s 5′8

171: Do you play an instrument?

i play the guitar, flute, piano, and my throat

170: What did you do yesterday?

I hung out with my family and took my dogs for walks and shizzzzzz

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight

: no you cant love someone without knowing them

168: Luck:

Luck of the irish biiitch

167: Fate:

heck yeah man you don’t fuck with fate

166: Yourself:

ha sometimes 

165: Aliens:

there is no way our dumbasses are the only creatures living out in this space junkyard

164: Heaven:

i believe in the afterlife just not organized religion heaven

163: Hell:

i do, i believe in hell very much so

162: God:

i believe in spiritual beings I’m not sure about one god or whatever but i believe in a feeling i guess i believe theres probably something out there 

161: Horoscopes:

i think they are nice to know of but they don’t define anything 

160: Soul mates:

i believe theres many soulmates for people that everyone has someone somewhere that would be a great match for them

159: Ghosts

: i do i strongly believe in ghosts 

158: Gay Marriage:

marriage is a right not a privilege. love is love 

157: War:

i come from an army family and no one likes war but i believe war is necessary sometimes 

156: Orbs:

i don't even know what this means man the fuck are you asking me

155: Magic:

to an extent i do

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses:

Hugs 

153: Drunk or High:

high 

152: Phone or Online:

online i never call places to order because i get nervous and stutter 

151: Red heads or Black haired:

black hair. i don’t like redheads ( sorry kyle, rachael, and declan) 

150: Blondes or Brunettes:

i like both equally

149: Hot or cold:

Hot weather is preferred over cold cause when its cold i don’t know where to put my hands 

148: Summer or winter:

winter because its acceptable to wear pants 24/7

147: Autumn or Spring:

autumn because when leaves change color its beautiful also its my birthday season 

146: Chocolate or vanilla:

both a chocolate vanilla twist is my favorite thing on earth

145: Night or Day:

night, it may be dark but its quiet and i feel like everything runs slowly and it just makes me feel more comfortable

144: Oranges or Apples:

apples but only the green ones.

143: Curly or Straight hair:

both but i like curly a little more,

i might be biased 

142: McDonalds or Burger King:

ew no fast food is disgusting. 

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate:

milk chocolate 

140: Mac or PC:

i have a MAC but i like things about PCs a lil bit more I’m waiting for the love child between the two

139: Flip flops or high heals:

 uhh i don’t like flip-flops much but i don’t like heels much either can i get a pair of doc martens and call it square?

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor:

sweet and poor. i would never want to be rich just to be rich (this pertains to personality right???)

137: Coke or Pepsi:

i don't taste a difference

136: Hillary or Trump :

Hillary. i wish she was my president.

135: Burried or cremated:

Im not sure but i mean I’m dead so i guess it won’t matter 

134: Singing or Dancing:

singing i cant dance for my life and the only time i do is in my room 

133: Coach or Chanel:

uhhhhh what even

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks:

i don't know who these people are but i don’t like the name Taylor anymore so lets go with the Nanny Mcphee chick.

131: Small town or Big city:

i like both but recently I’ve been craving city life probably cause i spent everything before now in small towns and army bases 

130: Wal-Mart or Target:

Target fo sho 

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler:

Adam Sandler 

128: Manicure or Pedicure:

neither i don’t like when people touch me like that 

127: East Coast or West Coast:

East coast i grew up on the west 

126: Your Birthday or Christmas:

neither, holidays make me sad in all honesty.

125: Chocolate or Flowers:

flowers, if someone gives me flowers i get really happy they’re much more special than chocolates 

124: Disney or Six Flags:

i haven't been to an amusement park since i was 8 so idk man. but i guess Disney

123: Yankees or Red Sox:

YANKEES!!!!!  FUCK THE SOX

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War:

War is a necessary evil from time to time.

121: George Bush:

He is a great Texan man.

120: Gay Marriage:

IS A RIGHT!

119: The presidential election:

 people need to actually start going out to vote 

118: Abortion: …

117: MySpace: ha this is so fucking old 116: Reality TV: trash

115: Parents:

also trash sometimes 

114: Back stabbers:

need to not 

113: Ebay:

is a lie and a very untrustworthy site

 112: Facebook:

is where people go to be fake ass bitches 

111: Work:

monaaayyyyyyyyyy

110: My Neighbors:

are really fake 

109: Gas Prices:

too high man 

108: Designer Clothes:

are dumb and honestly just a ploy

107: College:

is necessary for a good job yet so fucking expensive and really stressful I’m dying please help me 

106: Sports:

are my life 

105: My family:

is a mess 

104: The future:

is unknown 

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone:

 uhh like 3 days ago

102: Last time you ate:

i don’t remember 

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: 

uhhlast week sometime

100: Cried in front of someone:

last wednesday is the last time i fully broke down in front of people.

99: Went to a movie theater:

uhmmmmmm…last monday????  to GOTG2?

98: Took a vacation: 

I’m on one rn 

97: Swam in a pool:

dude last summer

96: Changed a diaper:

yesterday

95: Got my nails done

: i cant remember 

94: Went to a wedding:

last week 

93: Broke a bone:

3 years ago

92: Got a peircing:

dude so fucking long ago 

91: Broke the law:

ALL DAY ER DAY BITCH

90: Texted:

i don't know i think like maybe 2 hours ago

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most:

 Kyle probably 

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is:

my bed and my moms voice

87: The last movie I saw:

in theaters- GOTG2 , at home- Pride and Prejudice (1940)

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most:

seeing my friends 

85: The thing im not looking forward to:

having to interact with a lot of people

84: People call me:

Lou, Louie 

83: The most difficult thing to do is:

Be heard

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket:

never 

81: My zodiac sign is:

Virgo

80: The first person i talked to today was:

 Kyle i think

79: First time you had a crush:

uhhhh i had a crush on Connor Tustin and we pretended to be married in kindergarten 

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from:

honestly probably Nen they see right through me 

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking:

like an hour and a half ago

76: Right now I am talking to:

Margaret

75: What are you going to do when you grow up:

Be famous duh, nah imma be a scientist bitch

74: I have/will get a job:

i have one and i need another

73: Tomorrow:

is saturday and i have a busy schedule 

72: Today:

is friday and i have so much shit to do man

71: Next Summer:

i need to work harder

70: Next Weekend:

i cant plan that far ahead

69: I have these pets:

Roxy and Dino

 68: The worst sound in the world:

 when their voice cracks when they’re crying 

67: The person that makes me cry the most is:

uhhhhh?

66: People that make you happy:

my friends 

65: Last time I cried:

3 days ago…did i not just answer this????

64: My friends are:

bunch of fucking nerds

63: My computer is:

a mac and is dumb but also nice 

62: My School:

is religious and hates me 

61: My Car:

is dead and totaled 

60: I lose all respect for people who:

cheat, lie, and anyone who is disrespectful to strangers.

59: The movie I cried at was: 

guardians of the galaxy 2

58: Your hair color is:

Dirty blonde 

57: TV shows you watch:

Orphan black, game of thrones, OUAT, etc.

56: Favorite web site:

tumblr ( i have no life)

55: Your dream vacation:

backpacking across america a new country each summer 

54: The worst pain I was ever in was:

when i broke my ankle.

53: How do you like your steak cooked:

carrots 

52: My room is:

miiiiineee get out 

51: My favorite celebrity is:

Evelyne Brochu

50: Where would you like to be:

Idk man i guess Paris would be pretty chill

49: Do you want children:

i am not pushing an alien out of my stomach

48: Ever been in love:

yeah.

47: Who’s your best friend:

Im not sure i learned some stuff about best friends earlier from Declan and Nen and i don’t really know if i can have one

46: More guy friends or girl friends:

I’m friends with more guys 

45: One thing that makes you feel great is:

brushing my teeth man its so fucking fresh 

44: One person that you wish you could see right now:

 i don’t like people 

43: Do you have a 5 year plan:

academically yeah 

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die:

I have

41: Have you pre-named your children:

no who the fuck does that 

40: Last person I got mad at:

Myself 

39: I would like to move to:

NYC, Hawaii, or Florida, or maybe out of country

38: I wish I was a professional:

Idk man something that makes money

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy:

Twizzlers 

36: Vehicle:

Jeep Wrangler 

35: President:

Teddy Rosevelt 

34: State visited:

NY

33: Cellphone provider:

Verizon? how do i favorite a provider????

32: Athlete:

i don't have one 

31: Actor:

Evelyne brochu

30: Actress: 

Evelyne Brochu again

29: Singer:

STEVIE NICKS 

28: Band:

Omnia 

27: Clothing store:

Platos closet 

26: Grocery store: 

Publix 

25: TV show:

Orphan Black

24: Movie:

Pride and prejudice 

23: Website:

Vat19.com

22: Animal:

Lions 

21: Theme park:

Hershey park?

20: Holiday:

Halloween

19: Sport to watch:

baseball

18: Sport to play:

Rugby

17: Magazine:

uhhhhh do people actually read those?

16: Book:

Pride and Prejudice 

15: Day of the week:

i like wednesdays cause they’re the middle 

14: Beach:

ANY OF THEM

13: Concert attended:

Stevie Nicks 

12: Thing to cook:

Mac and Cheese 

11: Food:

Spaghetti 

10: Restaurant:

Mexican Food Factory 

9: Radio station:

92.5 

8: Yankee candle scent:

I don’t have a favorite but probably something like cinnamon or piney or something 

7: Perfume:

Daisy by Marc Jacobs 

6: Flower:

Skullcap

5: Color: 

Turquoise

4: Talk show host:

Colbert 

3: Comedian:

Amy Schumer 

2: Dog breed:

Beagle/ Basset Mix, or English Setters 

1: Did you answer all these truthfully?

i did indeed

[kayincolwyn]

In Memory Of Shasta

Yesterday, on March 2nd of 2017, I found out that my dear friend and once faithful companion, Shasta, who was our dog through most of my twenties up until we had to find her a new home just a few years ago when we moved, passed away. While I haven’t seen Shasta since we had to give her away I have missed her since then when thinking of her, and I was saddened by the news, though knowing that she was happy in her last few years and that she died peacefully of old age eases the pain some... Shasta was a very special dog (we think she was mostly Schipperke mixed with terrier or maybe some other breed) who lived a long and (mostly) happy life, being anywhere between 15 and 18 when she died (we weren’t sure exactly how old she was), which is a long life for a dog. My aunt Stephanie (my mom’s half sister, who passed away some years ago) found Shasta when Stephanie was living in Washington D.C. Stephanie was driving in her car somewhere around the White House and then suddenly a car in front of her stopped and someone just threw a dog out of their car on the busy street. Stephanie, being the kindhearted person that she was, opened her car door and called the dog to her, and the dog jumped in. She named the dog Shasta after Mount Shasta in California, and adopted her as her own. Stephanie found out after taking Shasta to the vet that she had been abused by her former owners (which isn’t surprising considering the fact they had thrown her out of their car), and the vets couldn’t determine her exact age but their guess was she was about two years old, so likely the first couple years of her life were pretty horrific... But Stephanie made up for this by showering her with love and affection over the next few years of her life, basically spoiling Shasta rotten, treating her as her child, dressing her up in outfits, sharing her ‘people food’ with her, etc. Shasta blossomed and was happy with her new mom, and eventually Stephanie moved to Oregon and soon after bought a new friend for Shasta at a pet store, a black kitten whom she named Roxanne (or Roxy for short). Stephanie lived in the trailer next to ours for the last few years of her life until she passed away suddenly in her sleep one day, and Taj, my mom’s and Stephanie’s mother, asked us if we would be willing to adopt Shasta and Roxy since they meant so much to Stephanie and she saw them as her children, and of course we couldn’t say no. Over the next seven to eight years I formed a bond with Shasta, and she kind of attached herself to me as ‘her human’. I confess there were times when I felt I didn’t really deserve her devotion, as I didn’t always walk her as much as I probably should have (we had a small yard and she mostly did her business there so walking her wasn’t a requirement) and sometimes I would get upset with her when she was a being a pain and would yell at her, but I tried my best to live up to that devotion. In my mid to late twenties I was going through a lot of mental, emotional, and spiritual turmoil (in large part because of struggles I was having with evangelical Christianity which I was immersed in at the time) but Shasta was there for me through that time. I remember there were times when I would be crying and shaking on the floor, full of confusion and uncertainty, and she would come up to me and paw at me and would whimper her concern, and other times I would snuggle with her and would feel just a little better and a little less alone. But most of all I remember our late night walks (or walkies) together, which me and my family affectionately called ‘big adventures’, when I would go out with Shasta and take time to reflect or pray or just listen to music and stargaze. Shasta was my faithful companion on these late night journeys (although there were some during the day as well), which were very helpful to me in getting through that difficult time in my life, as it gave me time for some quiet and solitude to work through my feelings. Shasta was always thrilled to go on these ‘big adventures’, jumping up on me as I tried to get her leash and pulling me out the door... Looking back now, to be honest I’m not sure if I would have gone on these late night walks without Shasta as having her with me made me feel a little less weird wandering around at night, as rather than looking suspicious I was just some guy walking his dog... We wandered all over our neighborhood, but then our main hangouts were these two parks in the Oak Grove area, one on Naef and one on Risley, that were on opposite sides of this trail in our area called the Trolley Trail, then there was my elementary school, Concord (which has since closed), where we would wander around in the field where I used to play back when I was a kid (and I would sometimes sit on the bench where I decided to propose to my wife in the snow eight years ago) and then there was my high school, Rex Putnam, where I would sometimes walk around the track and sit on the bleachers where I remember sitting with friends as a teenager. Sometimes Shasta would wander about as I watched her and as I took time to think about my life or pray or just look up at the stars in wonder, or she would sit by and keep me company as I would pet her and sometimes talk to her. While there were times during these late night walks when I was feeling broken or sad or anxious because of everything I was going through internally, much of the time these walks with Shasta helped me to find strength and courage to keep going even when life didn’t make sense, and sometimes these times were magical and spiritual and stirred my heart with hope. These late night walks, or ‘big adventures’, with my faithful companion Shasta, are among some of my most cherished and meaningful memories, and I know that I in large part can thank Shasta for them. And looking back now, I wonder if God, or whatever higher power there may be, was somehow working through Shasta in those times to assure me that I was loved and not alone, that I was not alone as I wandered in the night... But as is the case with so many good things in life, our late night walks came to an end a few years ago when my family had to move and though we were able to take Roxy sadly Shasta couldn’t come with us (because the pet deposit in our apartment for dogs was too expensive and they didn’t have a yard, etc). We were determined to find her a good home though, and eventually my dad offered to help and found her a home with some friends of his on the coast. I remember when I said goodbye to her I felt sad as I don’t think she really realized at the time that she wouldn’t be coming back and that she might never see me again... Sadly I wasn’t able to visit her, but my dad would let us know how she was doing from time to time, and he always said she was doing well and was loved and had new people she had bonded with, and that helped me to feel better about letting her go, although there were still times that I missed her... I was at work when my wife Kaylyn called me and let me know that my dad had called my mom to tell her that Shasta had passed away, and at first I just felt kind of shocked and didn’t really feel much of anything as I finished my shift, but then as I was walking home from work after getting off the bus, I was remembering all of my late night walks with Shasta and the memories of her came flooding in and I cried as I walked, and I think I felt something like her presence with me at my side, as she had so often been through my twenties, and there was this voice in my mind saying that it was going to be okay and that she was okay, and when I got home I felt more at peace... A friend of mine once told me that in life there are seasons, and all seasons come to an end, and I think my time with Shasta was one of those seasons. By the time my time with her had come to an end when I was about 30 I had moved away from evangelical Christianity and wasn’t in so much inner turmoil as I had been, so while I would miss those ‘big adventures’ that she and I had and still do, I don’t think I needed them as much as I did, and maybe didn’t need Shasta as much as I did when I was going through that very stormy season in my life, so letting her go, while difficult, was something that I was able to do, and while knowing that she is gone isn’t easy, I am able to accept it, as her season of life came to an end and it was time for her to move on to the next season, whatever that may be... I have had other animal friends over the years that have touched my life and who I bonded with, like our family dog Katie (who was also a Schipperke as Shasta was) who passed away when I was a teenager, and my cat Merlin (another black cat like Roxy) who passed away not long before we adopted Shasta and Roxy, and Shasta now joins these animal friends in my memories, and she will always hold a special place in my heart... I will miss you Shasta, and I want to thank you for being there for me through some very tough times in my life, and wanted to thank you for the adventures you shared with me, and I truly hope that the adventure you are on now will be the biggest of them all, and I hope that, from time to time, I can feel your spirit walking beside me...