#I am in agony right now i cannot keep living like this

[scum-belina]

My life would be so much better and okay if I could just fully accept and make peace with the fact that life will not get better for me and I'm never going to find love.

[damn-stark]

Chapter 36 Have you left a seat for me?

Final chapter of Moonlight

A/N- The final chapter! but there will be an epilogue!!

Warning- some angst, FLUFF!!!! Talks of death and violence, SPOILERS!! FOR FUTURE EVENTS OF HOTD, USING FIRE AND BLOOD, long chapter.

Pairing- Aemond Targaryen x Velaryon!fem-reader, Cregan Stark x Velaryon!fem-reader

Episode/Pages- Past 578

(If you want to be tagged let me know)

————

And there he is ever so gracefully under the moonlight, like a wild wolf admiring the beautiful moon. Only Cregan is very quietly watching over your son as he continues to talk to Alys, making sure that she doesn’t…cast a spell on him you assume? He is very wary of her because of what she can do.

“How is it going?” You interrupt his silence even though he already heard you approaching him since you were a few paces back.

“I do not know,” he shares as he peers over his shoulder and watches you break the barrier of space that was between you by wrapping your arms around his waist, and then pressing a kiss on his shoulder blade before resting your chin on his shoulder.

“He left dinner a while ago to come talk to her again,” he adds as he turns his head away to continue watching the pair distancing themselves from the Weirwood tree—“At least he hasn’t turned into a frog.”

You roll your eyes and gently knee the back of his leg, causing him to laugh breathlessly as he cups your hands wrapped around him before drifting his gaze to the corner of his eyes to be able to look at you.

“We can ask in the morning,” you try to assure him. “Just trust her okay? Has Alys given you a reason to distrust her? Alys likes the kids. All of them. If she didn’t she wouldn’t have agreed to help.”

Cregan hums in comprehension and then turns around to be able to look at you, letting you see his conflicted eyes brewing under the moonlight. “I tried talking to Jacaerys, but he brushed me off. Again.”

You watch the desperation in his eyes and lift your hand to stroke his jaw. “My love, he’s drinking right now and carried away with his brothers. Try again when he’s sober. Alright?”

Cregan nods his head and then lifts his hand to caress your arms. “I have been dropping my woes on you, how was your funeral?”

The softness taking ahold of your eyes fades and that sorrow and ache once again contorts your face. Cregan notices right away and interjects rapidly. “I am sorry I could not be at your side. I wanted to…”

“But Aemond would not have liked it,” you finish his sentence and move away from him to start leading him away from the Godswood. “So it’s okay. I already told you it was. Besides, the girls were at my side in your place.”

“And because they wanted to be there too,” he adds, causing you to respond with a small smile that tells him that you know that too.

“And I'm grateful for it…” You trail off and your smile fades whilst agony quickly takes over the sorrow as you think back to what Aerion said and did earlier.

“Do you think…I did something wrong to make Aerion and Daenys forsake their father?” You have to ask out of helplessness because what Aerion said has been gnawing at your mind all night and wounding your heart for Aemond— “You know I tried to keep our people from speaking ill of him when they lived in Winterfell, and I never talked bad about him to them either, but they still don’t acknowledge him. That’s why Daenys didn’t bother showing up for his funeral.”

Cregan glances at you and sees your distress and guilt clearly spewing out, making this conversation easier to navigate. “They know what you told them. They remember your efforts of painting him in a good light so they can look at him fondly, but, my darling, they are adults now and you cannot keep the world silent.”

Your frown deepens and you whisper. “I know.”

He swallows back nervously and continues to be brutal but honest. “They were going to learn about their father's doings and form their own opinion about him one way or another. Besides, they…didn’t know him as you did, so the good shared by one person cannot outweigh the bad written in history and shared by thousands.”

You draw in a shaky breath and nod, leaving a silence to spread between you and linger as you make your way to your dragon. Cregan doesn’t know that but he follows you anyhow with the silence not bothering him.

“One time,” you break the silence and keep the melancholy emotions running high. “A Red Priestess told me that three of my children would be followed by sin,” you pause and Cregan looks at you bewildered, not because he finds what you’re saying absurd, but because he can’t believe you seem to take words from the priestess so seriously.

“I have tried to break my head trying to figure out what she meant for so long…”

Cregan sighs out of annoyance but he doesn’t fail to amuse you. “What does it mean?” He probes.

You glance at the starry sky and share what you assume. “Daenerys is a bastard. We cannot deny that. We can't spin it any other way. She was created while I was married to Aemond,” you say with no actual guilt or distress because you don’t let that fact bother you anymore—“And Daenys and Aerion will always be overshadowed by the actions of their father and me. Kinslayers. Every time someone figures out who their parents are, that's the first thing that will come to mind. That sin.” Your voice breaks but tears don’t spill. You continue to look distressed.

“That should not bother you. They’re words of a witch. I have told you this many times.”

“But it does,” you retort and drop your eyes on him. “Because it’s what makes me a bad mother.”

Cregan lifts his eyebrow and leans his face towards you to whisper. “If you’re a bad parent then I am one too. I cannot talk to my sons and in turn, they don’t trust me enough to bear their sorrows on me. They think I hate them because I cannot simply talk to them. I am too cold. I am their Lord rather than their father, so don’t bear that burden alone.”

You hold his gaze and your eyes soften with awe as you let out a soft and relieved scoff. In turn, Cregan strokes your chin and then drags his hand up to caress your cheek, making you lean into his touch.

“I love you,” you remind him, making a warmth creep onto his cheeks and a timid smile tug on his lips.

“I love you too,” he doesn’t hesitate to redirect.

You hold his grey eyes for a second longer before you look ahead and pick up your speed as you walk past the castle gates and see Astraea curled up outside the wall since she’s too big to fit within the castle walls and too protective to stray far to find a nice open space to rest.

“<Look at you!>” You exclaim to your beloved dragon in High Valyrian and skip before you jog to her. “<Too worried to go far?>” You ask. “<Good girl,>” You coo as you reach Astraea and throw your arms around her snout.

This time Astraea fills her silence by letting out an affectionate growl. You proceed to caress her and press your forehead against her, choosing to leave it there for a moment, but then getting interrupted by the sound of a word that sends you in alert. “Mother.”

Your eyes snap open and you move away from Astraea without letting her go to follow the sound and that’s when you catch Jacaerys sitting against Astraea with a goblet in his hand that he lifts in the air for you, and Cregan walking up behind you.

“Father.”

You share a quick glance with Astraea and then let your hands slip to slowly approach Jacaerys. “I’m surprised you’re out here, Jace.”

He scoffs and takes a long drink of wine before he gives you his response. “Why? You should know I’m going to enjoy my last bits of freedom before I am forced to wither away at the Wall.”

You blink repeatedly out of nervousness and then you snap at him. “Jacaerys. We already talked. Don’t—”

“All for you father,” he cuts you off and pushes the cup toward Cregan slowly making his way to you and Jacaerys.

“Jacaerys.”

“It's alright,” Cregan assures you. “He may speak his mind.”

Jacaerys rolls his eyes away as he turns his head away. Cregan reaches where you are and pats your arm before walking past you to be closer to Jacaerys.

“Why are you mad at me, Jace?” Cregan asks, making your stomach knot with concern. Especially as Jacaerys keeps quiet for a while.

Astraea senses this and turns her head to gently tap your side with her snout so you can relax. And you do take a breath but you still feel worried. More so as Jacaerys finally meets his father's eyes.

“Because of you and this need to send me away to the Wall,” he finally snaps with his eyebrows quickly furrowing. “I may not be next in line to be Lord like Rickon or Maekor. I may not have dragon dreams like Torrhen, or be married to a lady with a powerful family, but have you ever thought about what I wanted and not what you wanted? Have you thought about the fact that wasting away with a bunch of old men is not what I consider honorable? It’s always, “It's an honor”, or “It’s your duty”, that I started to be someone that I wasn’t to believe it, but I’m tired. I do not want to be a Brother of the Night's watch. That’s not me.”

Cregan drops his head and places his arms on his hips, whilst Jacaerys glances over at you with a flicker of surprise over the fact that he just said all that to his father. And as Cregan remains quiet Jacaerys speechlessly asks for reassurance so you offer him a small nod and a gentle smile, letting him draw in a deep breath and return his attention to his father.

“Then what do you want, Jacaerys?” Cregan interjects as he lifts his eyes off the ground to look at Jacaerys without anger. It would be heard in his voice if he was angry.

“I,” said man pauses but not because he’s caught off guard or clueless. He just exhales and then continues. “I cannot have a dragon like mother, but maybe I want to sail and…see the world like Yi-Ti, or some other distant land. This world is big. I don't want to just waste away in some corner imagining what it might look like when I have the ability to actually know it.”

A proud smile spreads on your face as you hear your son's dream. One similar to the one you had once upon a time.

“It was told to me that a Stark always had to serve the Wall. With all your brothers having a place in this world, I placed that duty on you without taking your opinion under consideration. And maybe if your mother had been another woman I would have forced you, but…” Cregan pauses and looks back at you with an admiring smile. “I have heard your words before. I know that girl would want nothing more than to let you go and do what she couldn’t,” he says, making your smile tremble—“So go if you want Jace,” he directs back at his son. “Or stay. Follow your heart. Be free and keep dreaming in ways that girl couldn’t.”

Jacaerys eyes fall and you see his mind racing so you approach Cregan and hook your arm around his. He turns his head and presses a kiss on the top of your head.

“Mother…is it true?” Jacaerys questions since your past desires are something you haven’t shared with your kids. It’s been forgotten for a long time until now.

“Once. I always wanted more, but your father helped me see that I already had so much in what I was given. I just had to learn to see it and enjoy it. Besides…my place was always here. I learned that long ago, but your place…is wherever you want it to be because you don’t have the burdens we did…so be free Jace.”

Said man nods in comprehension and his breath shudders as he lowers his head again. Cregan takes this time to approach him and take a seat beside him without uttering a word. He just sits with his son, causing the boy to slowly look at his father with an appreciative smile.

Cregan slowly meets his gaze and offers a sweet smile in return, making your heart swoon as you watch the silent interaction from where you stand.

——

*A FEW DAYS LATER*

“<Trust me we’re getting out of here now,>” you assure Astraea since she’s not a fan of the Riverlands. “<But I do have to tell you that when we get to King’s Landing you’ll have to fly to Dragonstone. Aegon…” you breathe out as you stroke her face. “Is not a fan of you, so stay at Dragonstone until it’s time to leave okay?>”

Astraea, like always doesn’t respond, you know she listens but she can’t respond.

“Are you flying Astraea to Kings Landing?” You hear a voice travel into your ears, making your hands fall off Astraea to turn and face Torrhen joining you and your dragon in the field past the castle walls.

“Not yet. I don’t want to leave you all behind for two weeks,” you let him know and watch Astraea as she pushes herself up and crawls closer to Torrhen to nudge him gently.

“About that,” Torrhen brings up softly as he lays his eyes on Astraea. “I am going to stay with Alys. Just until you make your way back this way. After that, I am leaving back home with you.”

You blink in surprise and then your eyebrows knot together. “Are you…sure? You don’t want to go see your sister? Or your uncles?”

Torrhen's grey eyes slowly find you and he sighs before he explains his reasoning. “I would like to, but I have been learning so much from Alys, and she still has a lot to teach me. I don’t want to waste this opportunity, not while my mind is still rampant. I still cannot make sense of what I see, but…the weight of them is not as heavy anymore and it’s thanks to her.”

Your confusion and concern falls and the corner of your lips show your amusement as it rises. “And you didn’t want to talk to her,” you remark teasingly, making him laugh under his breath.

“Maybe after this, I can be unburdened by my dreams and visions and be carefree like her,” he adds, causing you to fall serious and close the space between you to wrap your hand around his arm and gently caress him.

“If that's what you believe then stay,” you assure him since even if he wasn’t asking, he was still seeking your opinion without demanding it. “And then come home,” you press, but quickly break into a smile to let him know you’re not all that serious about demanding him home.

“Or don’t. If that’s what you want. I will be sad, but it is normal.”

Torrhen shows his pity, but he quickly consoles you. “My place is still at home. Do not worry.”

You scoff and nod lightly in comprehension before you let go of his arm and offer him a sweet smile. “Stay then, and after…talk to your father? Him and Jacaerys talked, so maybe you can try talking with him now.”

Torrhen sees the desperation and the plea in your eyes so even if he’s hesitant he tries to please you. “I will try. I swear.”

You let out a breath of relief and when he notices the change on your face he flashes you a faint smile before he licks his lips and tries to share his concern. “Will you be okay when you return to King's Landing?”

You have returned to King’s Landing many times already, so going shouldn’t bring you so much conflict, but you still grow stiff and nervously avert your gaze. “I always am,” you respond in a stiff voice and then drift your eyes over to him to offer him a faint smile to go with your response.

“Now,” you avoid going deeper into that conversation since he knows more than anyone you're depressing history with King’s Landing. “See us off?”

Torrhen doesn’t deny your request, he happily lets you hook your arm around him to return to the castle side by side.

The moments that follow aren’t eventful, you stick to your schedule and depart from Harrenhal to head to King’s Landing whilst also leaving Torrhen behind with Alys with no protests from anyone. Then again what could they say? Even if this would be his first time being alone away from home, he’s a man grown trying to make sense of his abilities. It’s best to leave him be so he can get his help.

Besides, the further you get away from Harrenhal and your youngest child, the less you worry about him and the more that you feel distressed by returning to King's Landing, the land where you once lived your life for fifteen years.

Happy memories were made there. Good memories you cherish, but the grief, agony, torment, and the violence that you lived through there is what makes itself present every time you think about King’s Landing and every single time you've returned because it’s a constant reminder of what you lost. Just like Dragonstone. Albeit you can actually step foot in King’s Landing, you cannot and have not returned to Dragonstone—Even if it’s been twenty-five years since your mother died.

Time was supposed to heal you. Turn your wounds into scars, and then distant and faded memories, alas, the moment you arrive to the great capital and lay your eyes on the amazing Red Keep, you curse everyone who said such a stupid thing because twenty-five years since your mother's death, twenty-six years since Aemond’s death, and twenty-seven years since the war started has not passed in your heart or your mind. The memories and the anguish are not vivid anymore, but the scar hurts, and the ache is a reminder of what you no longer have.

At least there is happiness and light in the family you do have living here though. They keep the storm at bay and break a smile on your face.

“Grandmother!” The sweet little sing-song voice of Naerys rings as she breaks out of formation and makes her way to you.

You beam right away as you see your young granddaughter running to you and meet her halfway to quickly sweep her off her feet and hold her against you. “Hello, my little songbird,” you coo as you hug her tightly. “How are you feeling, hm?” You ask right away.

“Oh grandmother I have missed you,” she lets you know before she pulls back to face you with her sweet blue eyes. “I am better.”

You grin brighter. “I’m glad to hear it. And for that, your grandfather and I have brought you a present.”

The little girl's eyes brighten as she grows giddy. “What is it? Where is it?” She asks and looks past your shoulder.

“With your grandfather. You’ll have to wait for him to get here,” you tell her, making her even more eager to know. “Now let’s put you down—”

“Hey! Where is Astraea going?!” Another young voice interjects, making you drift your eyes down to see your grandson Aemon running past you to watch Astraea fly away with a pout—“I wanted to ride her,” he complains as he crosses his arms over his chest whilst you put Naerys down and approach him from behind.

“Forgive me little one. I don’t want to distress your uncle Aegon, so she has to leave,” you tell Aemon, Daenys’ oldest child with her husband and your brother Viserys, making Naerys their youngest child and Aemon’s sister.

“Well,” Aemon huffs and turns around to face you. “Then can you promise that I will ride her with you before you leave?” He pleads and bats his eyes, making you touch your chest and melt.

“Of course, I promise, but first,” you add and crouch to be at his level. “Why don’t you show me some love, hm?”

The little boy grins brightly and then throws his arms around you, causing Naerys to join in and throw her little arms around you too.

“Oh, how I’ve missed you all. You’ve grown so much since I last saw you,” you mutter as you embrace them against you.

“I lost a tooth since we saw each other last,” Aemon shares as he peels back to show the gap where his tooth is meant to be. “Because Aegon pushed me during training.”

You stroke his chin and whisper. “Did you get a coin for that tooth?”

Aemon closes his mouth a nods, causing you to flash him one last smile before you let Naerys go and stand to your given height to turn around and face your daughter Daenys.

Once your eyes are on her, much like her daughter, she breaks from formation and makes her way to you as you make your way to her to meet each other halfway with an embrace.

“I am sorry I could not go to Harrenhal,” Daenys chooses to make that the first thing she still tells you without knowing that her brother already told you the real reason why she chose not to go.

Albeit you don’t bring it up. Like with her brother, you let her be angry and have her own emotions toward her father. Instead, you caress her back and assure her. “It’s alright. I understand. I’m just glad Naerys is okay and I could make it here to see you.”

Without needing to see her you know Daenys is smiling timidly and that’s all you need from her to let the ordeal go.

“When do the others get here? Is Alysanne coming?” She asks as you both pull away from each other and hold each other's hands.

“She is. And they should be here by the end of the day.”

Her smile widens at the sound of the news, making you stroke her cheek before you move to greet your brother Viserys, who was thought of as dead for a while, but a few years after peace was officially announced throughout the realm, a family from Lys sailed to Westeros with him aboard to bring him back home. With conditions of course, but alas, that condition abandoned Viserys a year after she had their son Aegon the Fourth.

After that condition left is when Daenys and Viserys married, out of duty, but also because they grew a liking to each other as Daenys was the Queen’s Lady-in-waiting.

“Vis,” you greet sweetly and don’t greet him with an embrace, instead you cup the back of his neck and offer him a sweet smile that he mirrors with a charm added to it.

“Sister. I’m happy to see you and I know our brother Aegon is eager too, but…” he trails off and you finish for him.

“Astraea. Yes, I assumed. How are you?”

He shrugs. “I have no reason to complain. My daughter made it out of her illness and you are here with the rest of our family soon to join…Aerion is coming, yes?”

You giggle and nod. “Of course.”

His smile grows wider and he nods in comprehension. After that, you step to the side and look down at the little boy standing beside him.

“Hello, Aegon.”

Said boy offers you a faint tight-lipped smile, but that’s it. He doesn’t mirror his siblings' excitement, so you move on to greet the Queen, Daenaera Velaryon, one of your cousins, and the second wife to your brother Aegon after Jaehaera sadly passed away not long after she was crowned Queen and before she and Aegon could have children.

Daenaera is sweet and charming. Kind and understanding which is why you were comfortable greeting your grandchildren, daughter, and brother first, because she doesn’t mind it and because to her your title as the Dowager Queen commands more respect, so she lets you be, plus she knows you’ll never leave her out, and you don’t. After you greet her, you then greet her children standing at her side, but then hastily return to her to touch her expecting belly since you treat her like you do your brothers, with affection and warmth.

Once that greeting is over nevertheless, as all the noise of your welcome has calmed down, you make your way to a drawing room in the royal apartments. One that you would spend your time at with your mother and brothers. One where the setting sun would shine through the balcony window and bask your mother ever so perfectly, making her look ethereal and angelic as she listened to you read your books in Valyrian, or sing a song.

You always liked the end of the day in that room because of that detail. You looked forward to it every day because it was always so warm and comforting. She was always so warm and comforting…

When you're there now, all that's gone, leaving only a sad memory. Thus your exhale is heavy and not relaxed, and when a knock raps on the door you expect to see someone who’s been dead a long time, but instead you see your brother Aegon walking in so you quickly get up and curtsy. “Your Grace,” you greet, and right away Aegon puts his hands out and interjects.

“Please, you do not have to do that when we’re alone. You’re the Dowager Queen. I owe you my respects,” he says and then offers you a small bow, making you giggle before you make your way around the couch to reach him.

“Dowager Queen or not you are still my King,” you argue, causing him to lower his head and then shake it.

“Perhaps but I prefer to be your brother first,” he counters and you sigh before taking his hands in yours.

“Alright…sweet brother. I’m glad to see you.”

He lifts his solemn blue eyes off the floor to meet your gaze, causing a shuddering breath to escape through your nose as a memory of your mother flashes in your mind. Aegon doesn’t look like your mother, he doesn’t have her eyes or the same color hair. His hair is also pin straight and he’s impressively tall and lean, but even so, as you look into the eyes of the little brother who was with you when your mother died, you see her in him for a fraction of a second.

“And I you,” he redirects as he gently rubs the back of your hands with his thumbs. “Is your dragon…”

“Gone?” You cut him off and then nod. “She flew to Dragonstone. She’ll stay there until it’s time to leave, so you can rest easy.”

He nods stiffly in comprehension and you proceed to take a long look at his thin face, noticing he looks a bit thinner than usual. “Aegon, my sweet, have you been eating?” You ask and he pulls his hands away and nods quickly as if to brush you off.

“Quite well in fact,” he dismisses you and makes his way over to the couch to take a seat, making you walk back to sit beside him.

“Why do you come here first every time you come to King's Landing?” He cuts the other conversation short. “I always mean to ask, but I always forget.”

You intertwine your fingers together and exhale deeply as if trying to work up the courage to share the reason. As if it was costly to your scarred heart. “Uh…when I was a little girl I used to come here with our brothers and mother…”

Aegon shifts slightly at the sound of the memory but you continue.

“…it was not every evening, just some, but we would spend time here whether it be playing, talking about our day, and or doing some different activity, but,” you pause and your eyes flicker to your hands as the memory becomes more vivid than before. “One of my favorite things to do was read or sing to our mother right here on this couch because when the sun was setting it would peek through the balcony doors and all the windows and kiss her ever so gracefully, making her look…absolutely breathtaking, so I would admire her and hope every time that I would grow up to be as beautiful as her…” you trail off and peel your hands away from each other to gently rub the couch before finding the strength to look at him without feeling like you’ll cry.

However, you notice that Aegon is teary-eyed, so you reach over for his hand and cradle it.

“I wish I could have seen that,” he mutters and averts his gaze. “I wish I had been born earlier so I had more time with her like you and our brothers did.”

You give his hand a soft squeeze, causing his eyes to pull back to you and catch your pitiful smile.

“I try to talk to Viserys about our mother, or our father, but…he doesn’t remember how they look like or actually hold a single memory about our life before, so I’m alone in my grief until you’re here.”

If only he knew how alone you felt in your grief whether it was with him, or without him over the simple fact that he never lived in the earlier years when you still lived with your mother and brothers. But you don’t tell him that to avoid breaking his heart.

“If you ever want to talk you can send me a raven,” you remind him. “I’ll answer as soon as I can or even fly here if need be.”

He giggles softly and you can’t help but smile before you drag yourself closer to him and share a small story about your mother since he loves hearing them. Albeit there was a time when he was a boy that he wanted nothing to do with you because of the fact that you left; he was so livid that you left him all on his lonesome, but when he got older and a bit mature he figured out that you left because you had your duty to your husband and your family, and well…older sisters eventually have to leave their little brothers behind to live their lives. He was never aware of the fact that you couldn’t continue living here, and you would never tell him.

“One time when I was a little girl, as you know, I liked going down to the platform by the sea,” you begin your story, sparking eagerness within him to know more.

“I liked to sneak away from my Septa’s, and our mother never got me in trouble even if she was told to, but,” you giggle. “She got curious as to where I always ran off to one day, so she followed me without my knowledge. Every step I took, she took in secret without making a peep. She was rather sneaky. Eventually, when I reached the platform, she came up behind me as I reached my straw man and announced her presence so abruptly that she frightened me so badly that I fell over the ledge with my straw man falling under me, breaking my fall, but not shielding me from the wave that crashed over me. So I got soaked, and after our mother helped me back to stable ground she laughed…and I laughed with her.”

A smile tugs on Aegon’s lips before he laughs softly, making his shoulders shake and his solemn eyes spark with a flicker of joy.

That reaction makes you laugh with him, giggle in fact as you watch him and admire the way he laughs because it’s so rare to hear. You have to grasp and internalize the scraps you’re given. However in doing so, even though the sun is not seeping through the balcony door and all the drawing rooms windows, sunbeams still find their way inside and cast Aegon in its illuminating hue, making his usually dark blue eyes gleam brightly, and making him appear as beautiful as you mother looked when she was basked by the same sun.

For the first time in twenty-five years since her death, for a fraction of a second, your mother was in the same quarters as you in the body of her son. And then…as fast as that second same, she left and you were orphaned all over again.

——

*SOMETIME LATER*

After some time of being in King's Landing, it’s finally time to leave, and yes, you’ll miss your brothers, your daughter, and your grandchildren, but besides the memories that haunt you, this place is not as grandeur as you once believed. Thus you’re eager to leave with Alysanne to the Riverlands until she gives birth—albeit you will miss the sea; it’s so far from Winterfell...

Nevertheless, before you can even attempt to leave, you enter your chambers to grab what you need before you meet up with Daenys and Aerion, but as you come across your bed; you see that there's a rather long and wide gift box sitting on the bed.

You look around in confusion before you approach the gift box and notice a small square folded note attached to the ribbon that has your name neatly written on it.

Cregan comes to mind, but he has not eluded to gifting you something. He usually would, but he hasn’t and neither have any of your children, so, you eagerly grab the note to see who it could be from.

“Dear sister,

I found one of Mother’s gowns so I had it tailored for you so you could cherish and wear it. And that’s not at all, in my search I also found one of her rings and I noticed that you fidget with your rings the same way she did, so I had it customized for you.

From,

Aegon.”

Whether you wanted to or not, tears run out of your eyes without warning and stream down the curve of your cheeks whilst your heart dances with pure bliss. You try to open the gift box, but all you can do is put the note down before you start sobbing, and your heart starts aching out of genuine bliss.

You can hardly breathe for quite a while so you have to sit down and catch your breath first before you wipe the tears off your face and pull the box onto your lap. More tears do quickly well up in your eyes, but you ignore them and pull on the ribbon to loosen it and put it aside before you open the box. Thin paper presides over the gown so you yank it off and when you lay your eyes on the black and crimson gown you break down again, but to avoid staining the gown with tears you cover your face to cry into your hands.

After a few more tears you pull your hands away to wipe them off your face and then wipe your hands on your thighs before grabbing a small velvet box that was placed on top of the gown.

Of course, more tears stream down your face and your shoulders tremble as you take in the simple yet beautiful gold ruby ring that once belonged to your beloved mother.

After she fled the city and after she died you never thought you’d find any of her things. Most of the smallfolk took off with the jewelry and the clothes she had to leave behind, leaving only a few things behind, so you didn’t have much until now. And it’s all thanks to your sweet melancholy brother, Aegon.

You smile at your gifts and gently smooth out the gown. You would wear it right away, but the day is coming to an end so you’ll have to save it for later. As for the ring, well, you wear that now and get surprised when it fits just right.

You proceed to linger on the edge of the bed after that with the things resting on your lap until you feel like it doesn’t look like you’ve been sobbing uncontrollably. After that, you set the gift box down on the bed again and grab what you came here for before meeting up with your children.

As expected they’re already waiting for you where you told them to with quite the impatient look painted on their faces.

“Mother,” Daenys complains as she unfolds her arms. “Where have you been? We’ve been waiting here for ages.”

You snicker and roll your eyes as you walk past the pair, catching the way Aerion tries to study your face as evidence that you’ve been crying still remains on your face.

“Mother,” Aerion speaks up as he trails right behind you. “Are you alright?”

You hum in agreement and unlatch the tall windows to push them open and reveal the roofs. The same roofs that Aemond and you would escape to when you were children—“Come,” you urge them and step out of the window to stand on the roofs.

“Mother,” Daenys calls out. “Are you mad? What are you doing?!”

“Just come on,” you brush off her panic and lead them away from the window and around the corner where no windows decorate the walls so you aren’t seen. Aerion and Daenys are hesitant to follow, you almost believe that they won’t follow you, but eventually, you see them peeking around the corner.

“Mother,” Aerion calls out now with worry, but you just pat the empty spots beside you.

The siblings look at each other with concern but Daenys takes the risk and falls by your side, Aerion lingers behind cautiously, so you interject with amusement. “We will not fall, trust me. I have done this hundreds of times.”

“I believe you,” Daenys mutters and raises her head to peek over the ledge.

“We will not stay long,” you assure them, and then turn around to dig into the bag that you brought with you and pull out things they have not seen before.

Aerion notices that you’re pulling things out of your bag so he carefully makes his way over to join you and his sister. “This is completely unsafe,” he mutters. “You are meant to safeguard us, not put us in harm's way.”

You snort and cover the things by pulling back a thin layer of your gown. “I fought in a battle with your sisters in my belly, and have taken you on dragonback when you were babes. I am not someone who takes safety as my priority, besides, you will be fine. Unless you’re reckless. Are you?”

Aerion carefully takes a seat beside you and then shakes his head and deadpans. “No.”

You shrug to brush him off and then move along with the matter at hand. “I brought you here today because when we were in the capital together a few years back, I…never took your feelings toward your father under consideration. I worried about my own grief and my own loss that I disregarded yours and thought lies that I would only recently uncover. So now that the three of us are here I summoned you to a…rather unexpected place, but it’s a place where Aemond and I would come to when we were kids. So it’s special.”

Aerion and Daenys share another quick glance before their eyes fall on your lap as you yank off the layer of your gown to show what you brought.

“This,” you continue to speak before they have the thought of interrupting and pick up a hand-carved wooden siren. “Is a siren your father carved me when he was a boy. He lacked a dragon so he picked up other talents, and whittling was one of them.”

You put the siren down and grab the heart-shaped book that holds songs and ballads in Valyrian. “This,” you move on to the book. “Is a rare book of ballads and songs he scoured the earth for because he knew how much I loved to sing in Valyrian, and well, he really liked it when I sang in our mother tongue.” You giggle and pass the book to Aerion since he’s more musically inclined than Daenys.

“And this,” you move on to the third thing made of glimmering gold and beautiful gems. “Is a circlet inspired by one of my favorite ancestors, Daenys the Dreamer. He,” you pause and draw in a deep breath to calm your racing heart—“he had this done like one Daenys wore in a drawing of her in one of the history books because he knew how much I looked up to her. It was after I had you, Aerion.”

Said man sits in silence for a moment and when he returns the book to your lap he quips, “expecting a girl?”

You smile bashfully. “Desired a girl, yes, but we were still rejoiced when we had you…he really did love you Aerion, and you too Daenys. He never got to meet you, but he loved you. He cared about you both,” you finally share what you came here to say as you put the circlet down to give them your attention.

“If he really did love us like you say,” Aerion cuts in while Daenys remains quiet—“he would have tried harder to make it back to us, but he fought and died. He left and died.”

You nod rapidly. “Yes. Yes, don’t you think I know that? Don’t you think I was furious too? I was left widowed with three children. Newborn twins and an infant. I was mad too Aerion, because he died after he promised that it was just us in this world that mattered. Him and me…Me and him, but he left with only traces of him to haunt me.”

“Then perhaps he should have fought harder,” Aerion continues to be hard-headed as he pouts down at the surface beneath his feet.

“I…” you trail on with tears pricking in the corner of your eyes. “I was angry at my father once too. I forsook him because he left too. I carried that hate in my heart because I was betrayed by him and my mother. All I felt pulsing through me was my anger, so I know, I know some of that resentment you hold for your own father, but as someone who went through that, as someone who knew how much Aemond loved and cared for you both, I just want you to change your perspectives. Open your hearts and accept a little piece of him at least.”

“But,” Daenys’ sweet voice finally fills your ears. “He was a monster. You have your scar to prove it.”

“And you have a new part of the city to prove my sins,” you defend him by shedding light on your own wrongdoings. “He did bad things, yes, but I did too. Everyone who fought in that war did bad things, some worse than the others, but it was done. It doesn’t make him any less of your father. It doesn’t take away that he still loved you.”

“But you have your life to make up for it,” Aerion argues, making your eyes drift to him. “And you raised us. You were here and made sure that we did not only think of the bad parts when we thought of you. When I think about Aemond…I see the death, destruction, and pain he left behind.”

“Because,” you pause and drop your head to fiddle with the wooden siren. “That’s what you hear. That’s what they all say about him, but he was much more than that. He,” you laugh softly and with a fond smile. “He would watch you sleep to make sure you were breathing when you slept. He went out to make sure you found your dragon so you didn’t feel ostracized like he did. He was selfish, but that made his love that more passionate.”

“I wish…we had memories together,” Daenys whispers in such a way that can only be heard if you’re sitting next to her, so you barely catch what she said—“Not just words spoken by you and others. That’s why it makes seeing him as a monster easier because I can’t even dream of him. At least Aerion can cling onto that, but me…I only have his name and trinkets that have no meaning to me.”

You look at her with pity and you catch tears crawling out of her eyes, but she’s quick to wipe them away.

“I am sorry, my Sweet,” is all you can offer her besides the wooden siren he had made for you—“keep it. It was made by his own hands. It’s not him, but it’s something made by him.”

Daenys carefully takes the siren and looks at you with worry. “Are you sure?” She asks.

You nod and pat her hand. “Positive.”

With a faint smile, Daenys looks down at the hand-carved siren, assuring you without words that she will try to look at her father under a different light, leaving you to seek Aerion’s response to all this now.

“You can’t ask me to forgive him just like that,” Aerion says and tries to hide his quiver.

“Nor will I ask you to,” you reassure him as you take his hand in yours. “Just change your prescriptive.”

Aerion takes a deep breath and then shudders. “I’ll try.”

A relieved look unfurls on your face and you squeeze his hand. “That’s all I want. Monster to man.”

Aerion meets your gaze and shares a faint nod, causing you to raise your hand to stroke his cheek and look into his striking blue eyes for a second longer before you look away and watch the horizon with contentment just like you would so long ago.

Life has been hard. It is still hard sometimes, but you can admit that you know what peace means now. You’re not falling into any abyss. You know happiness, you can find it in every member of your family. You know love, and it’s true you miss so many people, but their loss is not like being pierced in the heart or getting it torn and shattered, it aches when you remember the good moments, but you’ve preserved through your agony and grief, and that’s your greatest achievement because you can love again. You can smile with your lips and your eyes, and you can enjoy the sun's warm embrace as it seems to shine just for you as you dip your feet in the sand and let the salty sea waves crash over your feet on the morning of the day you have to leave King’s Landing.

Everyone else is barely starting to stir awake because you made it your mission to get up as the sun was rising to find serenity by the sea before you left.

Albeit there is one presence who does join you in your moment of solitude, but they don’t announce themselves. They watch you from afar as the sun completely shines just for you, kissing your skin, and making your silver-white hair glimmer like untouched snowflakes on fields of snow.

They can’t see your face since they’re behind you, but they know you well, they can picture your blissful smile as clear as day as you take in the sun and welcome the cold touch of the water. Perhaps—no, this is the best part about departing from the North and visiting King’s Landing and or visiting Driftmark, they get to see you completely enamored by the sea as if you were a mythical creature parted from their home. It’s always breathtaking to see and be a part of it that they don’t want to move from where they are, but after a while of stillness, you’re the one who looks over your shoulder with your smiling gaze.

“Come. Join me,” you wave Cregan over and his lips show off a fascinated smile before he breaks away from his spot and joins your side unable to part his eyes away from your face.

“What?” You quiere with a giddy smile. “Will you dive with me this time? Just a few miles offshore. I swear it this time.”

Cregan’s smile softens and his eyes darken as his pupils dilate even bigger as you’re all that reflects over his gaze.

“You are and have always been my heart's keeper,” he interjects assertively and catches you off guard. “Everywhere you go my heart follows. Even in death, where the sea meets the edge of tomorrow.”

Your breath catches in your throat and you look as if this is the first time he’s ever made such a passionate confession, when in truth he has never stopped reminding you how much he loves you. Physically and with sweet and romantic words. You're the one who lacks in reminding him sometimes, but your heart has never faltered, it has only grown fonder.

“And you, are the reason I am here,” you now offer him a confession of your own filled with just as much passion. “You are the reason my heart beats and why I draw in air. You are my morning and evening star. My light and the color that forbids me from looking at the world in black in white. Everything about you fascinates me, from the inner markings of your soul to your stormful grey eyes.”

Cregan scoffs softly as he stands in disbelief, causing you to react by cradling his cheeks to close the space between you. He follows by wrapping his hand around the back of your neck and pushing you to him to rest your foreheads against each other and just breathe in and be in each other's presence under the shining sun, and by the peaceful blue sea.

——

*SEVERAL YEARS LATER*

A loud gasp escapes your lips as your heart jolts and your eyes spring open. However, you’re quickly forced to shield your eyes from the blinding light that shines before you, letting your other senses take in your surroundings instead, like your ears, that catch the sound of louder chatter, laughter, and music in High Valyrian. Your nose also kicks in and you smell freshly made strawberry tarts, roasted pig, and every other traditional Valyrian food that you love.

But it’s weird because the last thing you remember is…getting swallowed by darkness. It was slightly terrifying, but you couldn’t resist its call, you let it take you…here…

You slowly pull your hand down and open your eyes, catching at that moment, the sight of your hands missing the wrinkles that once marked your skin to proudly show off how long you’ve lived. Now besides seeing the expensive and extravagant jewelry decorating your hands and fingers, you see that your hands look like they did when you were a young adult…

You would ask yourself why and start to panic, but as your surroundings come into focus you realize that you’re in a corridor you don’t recognize, but one still so familiar that doesn’t let you feel estranged. You feel at home like this is where you were meant to be the whole time. It’s why your jolting heart that had started to race calms down to a relaxed beat.

That’s not all, the bright light that once blinded you is not actually before you, but casting through the colorful stained glass set on the stone walls that all tell a story of…your Targaryen ancestors. Every major event that you read in books or got told is told on the glass, even the past you lived through.

You see a visual summary of the war, the dragons that fell, and the family that got torn apart. It’s there and as tempted as you are to walk to it to admire it from up close, the commotion coming from behind the tall doors ahead of you is more tempting, so you break away from the spot you woke up from, walk past grand stone dragon heads sitting at the sides of the doors, and without hesitation you push the doors open, catching sight of the beautiful lilac gown on your body made of your favorite silk from Yi-Ti, and catching sight of your long white-silver hair flowing past you with the swift movement.

Yet what does the sight of a beautiful gown and unique colored hair hold compared to what you see in front of you, the marvelous and breathtaking sight of so many different people, all whom you know in your heart have Targaryen and Velaryon blood running through them just like you. They’re all your family…every body and soul is your family that once lived…just like you…That’s right…you’re dead and now you’re…yet in another space you don’t recognize, but it doesn’t feel at all strange; not with the warm setting sun embracing your figure, or the sight of your family.

You could melt with all the heartwarming bliss you’re already filled with, however, before you can melt, the sound of your name breaks through the commotion, snapping your attention straight ahead.

Albeit you don't catch a thing. The sound of your name continues to be called though so you walk down the stairs and go toward the crowd. Before you can make an attempt to break through though, none other than Jacaerys and Lucerys come out, catching you off guard and paralyzing you right where you are.

“Jace,” you breathe out with your eyes set wide with bewilderment and fascination. “Luke.”

The pair look at one another with a teasing smile before they both offer you heart-warming smiles that you start to mirror as your eyes immediately brim with hot tears.

“Jace…Luke,” you call out again and then laugh, making them flash you a grin before they giggle too and set off toward you, causing you to break away from your spot and run at them. When you meet each other halfway you can’t contain your excitement, you jump on them and they don’t fail to catch you or laugh with you the moment you’re wrapped in each other's embrace.

Nothing is said when you’re tangled in each other's arms; no witty remark, and no funny joke, nothing is passed between you but a comfortable silence as the three of you take in the fact that you’re together again. After so much longing, you’re together again and nothing will tear you apart ever again.

“Mother!”

Your eyes snap open and ahead of you comes Alysanne; the girl who reintroduced you to an agonizing grief when she died after the birth of her first child. Following at her side is your eldest boy, your Aerion who died alongside his step-brother Rickon as they fought a war his cousin Daeron started against Dorne.

They were both gone from your life for so long. You mourned their death until your dying breath because losing children was a different and more painful heartbreak than you had felt before. Alas, there they are and every muscle in your body takes you to them right away.

“<My loves,>” you mewl in High Valyrian as you embrace the both of them the same way you embraced your brothers so you wouldn’t leave either of them out.

“<Mother,>” Alysanne cries as she's overcome with emotion. “It's been so long.”

“I’m here now my darling,” you console her as you rub her back. “I’m here.”

Alysanne nods, you can feel her head moving as she welcomes your comfort as if that’s what she’s been needing since she died.

“Oh,” you gasp and step back to turn around and face your brothers. “I’m assuming you know my brothers, your uncles. Jacaerys and Lucerys.”

“Yes, we do,” Aerion lets you know while Lucerys confirms with a nod.

“Don't worry we’ve been looking out for them since they got here,” Lucerys offers you some consolation, making you smile brightly.

“Not that we needed looking out for,” Alysanne quips. “But we’ve been together all this time. We hardly separate.” She says with the corner of her lips perking up.

“Because mother hardly lets them out of her sight,” Jacaerys interjects and your curiosity piques while every single thought becomes about her.

“Mother…” you mouth and let your children go to step forward and probe. “Where is she?”

Jacaerys’ eyes point forward, past the bodies of your children, so you turn around swiftly as if afraid your mother would disappear, and as if intertwined with each other's thoughts, the dancing crowd in front of you begins to drift away, making a path that leads you to the middle of the floor where your mother is under the twinkling candlelight.

She doesn’t spot you right away, it’s not until she probably feels you staring that she turns and steals your breath when your eyes lock together.

“Mama,” your voice quivers and your heart skips a beat as the commotion around you drowns out, the dancing light all over the room dims except for the lights above her, making her the center of all your attention, and making her beauty that much more enchanting to your eye.

Maybe it is because you haven’t seen her in so long, but something about her just glows.

“Mama,” you say again and start moving toward her with a wobbly smile tugging on your lips and tears flying past you.

Your mother doesn’t lack a reaction; her lips part slightly as her eyes glimmer at the sight of you. She doesn’t keep still either, the moment you make your way toward her she comes after you too, letting you meet in the middle of the hall with a tight embrace that connects your hearts and finally feeds that yearning they felt for each other's connection once again.

“<Oh my sweet,>” she coos as she cradles the back of your head and keeps you close.

“<Mama,>” you keep saying as you weep happy tears, feeling the world around you completely disappear, leaving only you and her in the large hall.

No more yearning and no need to strain your mind to remember how she looked or how she smelled. You’re together again, drawing in her calming scent, and basking in the comfort and warmth only she could provide.

You died an old lady, but here, now, with her and the others you’re the age you were mere days before the war started, that brief period where you were endlessly happy and you had it all; your brothers, your son, Aemond, and your mother.

“<We have all eternity together now,>” she assures you, making you beam and grip onto her tighter.

“<And I’m glad for it. Thank you for looking out for my children. Thank you for loving them while I was gone.>”

She scoffs softly. “<I would do it all for your children because they’re my grandchildren too, so there’s nothing to thank me for…you did good my sweet. I’m so proud of you.>”

You nuzzle your face in the crook of her neck and pamper her with more tears.

“Someone’s been waiting for you,” she interjects, pulling you away from her to look her in the eyes, but not ask who because the moment those words leave her mouth, you think about one person. Thus without asking and without guidance of any guide you let her go and drift away from her to head toward the tall windows that decorate the massive stone walls.

The people around you make way for you without needing to be told, or at least you don’t care to excuse yourself because you’re so consumed by the thought of him; of seeing him, of touching him, and being in his arms again. So much so that when you finally make it past the sea of people and find him outside the window sitting on the roof and watching the sun go down, you stop breathing. Your heart feels like it stops beating and the entire world around you freezes except for him, Aemond.

Just like with your mother, there’s no need to say his name, he turns around and your eyes meet, making sparks fly, and reviving your heart. Whilst his jaw drops and his eyes widen while he slowly stands up.

When he starts moving, your legs move in unison, and after breaking every single barrier of space that was keeping you apart, you throw your arms around each other to bring each other as close as you can manage to be without being in each other's skin.

This time unlike the others there’s no words exchanged because no amount of words can explain how enthralled you both are for being reunited. The longing looks speak for themselves when you pull away at arm's length to take in the sight of each other. The matching breaths share how in sync you are, and the smile your faces hold share how connected your souls are.

Still, he gently cups your cheek, and you cradle his face, taking note that he looks the same age he was when you were the happiest; that moment in time before the war, where you had it all. He chose that moment too, leaving you both to be forever young.

“<Me and you,>” he mutters and pulls you toward him to crash his lips on your forehead.

“<You and me,>” you echo and smile tenderly as your heart feels forever content now.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

A/N- Lived to watch her family die and then outlived her younger brothers and two of her children…

Tagged- @namelesslosers @stargaryenx @chainsawsangel @lauftivy @winxschester @cloudroomblog @llarue @padsdarlg @sofietargaryen @gracielikegrapes @dreaming-of-the-reality @itzelpeyton @patdsinner33 @mrsdominickstark @elaena-aerrin @todoroki-slut @snh96 @urmomsgirlfriend1 @nifujiswhore @sweethoneyblossom1 @kaetastic @lightdragonrayne @squidscottjeans @oh-you-mean-me @wallacewillow0773638 @icefrye19 @thescottpack @fiction-fanfic-reader @crazymusicgirl104 @r-3dlips @strangersunghoon @just-pure-trash @ethereal-athalia @missyviolet123 @callsignwidow @xunquish-blog @tabathastan @weepingfashionwritingplaid @answer-the-sirens @silverlightsaber @rosey1981 @amortentiaaaa

[shyvien]

Here are 100 random quotes from Lucifer!

Sourced from the OM! Wiki, chats, devilgram, screenshots I found, etc. I made this list to help with studying to write the characters in character. (Not really proofread, sorry if there are mistakes. Also, there may be spoilers. If so, they’re minor spoilers)

✧༺⚜️༻✧

​​“Do you want my attention? Why don't we talk for a little then? I have enough energy for that. As your presence is so very soothing to me.“

​​“Heh, not afraid to get sassy with me anymore, are you?”

​​“Let's celebrate until you cannot stand anymore.“

​​“No need to rush. I won't be able to help you if you fall down in the middle of the street. Rather, I would probably enjoy the sight.”

​​“...Well? How do you like Demonus-flavored kisses?“

​​“I believe it's long been established that if anyone's going to be eating them, it will be me.“

​​“If you want me to keep you from running that mouth of yours, you need only ask.“

​​“Are you poking fun at me right now? I see you like to play with fire. Well, there's a punishment for getting cheeky with me like that. Come here, MC”

​​“I am exceedingly concerned…”

​​“Now Listen, and listen well. I will not be your possession. I won’t belong to you. You will belong to me.”

​​“You seem repentant, so I shall forgive you.”

​​“Are you still tired from last night? After all, I didn’t let you get much sleep.”

​​“I will watch over you. Until the day comes where we must part. And I promise... to love you until the end of your days and beyond.”

​​“You... Release me! Don't you dare try to put me to sleep like I'm not ten million years older than you!”

​​“All of you, out of the way...! I'm going to tear that human limb from limb…!”

​​"Are you trying to please me?"

​​"Do you need a goodnight kiss?"

​​"You are a strange human being."

​​"You want me to praise you for that? Very well… Good iob."

​​"Fine, I'll forgive you just this once."

​​"Do you need something?"

​​“It's as if you're saying that you need me in your life, and that's a wonderful feeling. Is it conceited of me to say that? Well, I am the Avatar of Pride, after all."

​​“Stab it with a fork or something. Anything sharp should do the trick.“

​​"I can't say I mind spending my time with you while Mammon's shrieks echo in the background either. Heh! And Diavolo's laughter is even louder than that."

​​“Well, there are worse demons it could have happened to... Probably.”

​​“Asmo, you stay right there. I'll go get my whip.“

​​“Hush now. Daddy's here to give you a hug.“

​​“NONONONONONO! I'm saying I DON'T want them to see that picture. So, if they ask you for it, I'd like you to tell them that no such photo exists. OK?”

​​“That won't be necessary. I went ahead and blew it up. The entire room.“

​​"If you want to get the better of me, that toy of yours isn't going to cut it. Perhaps try lethal poison from some horrific insect, aged a thousand years for maximum potency."

​​“I know, I know... But why don't we save the killing until after you've eaten your breakfast, hm?“

​​“Mmm, nothing's sweeter than listening to their screams of agony. Heheheh...”

​​“Bring him down to the living room. Use whatever means necessary…though I do want him alive.“

​​”I would never have imagined I would be kissed on the cheek by you. I don't dislike it when you take the initiative. But why on the cheek? You don't need to hesitate with me. Next time, do it on the lips. Understand?”

​​“Hell coffee becomes bitter when you prepare it for someone that you're fond of. It's a special property of the coffee beans. Naturally, I drank every last drop of your feelings.”

​​“Only those that haven't been involved in that dolt's childish antics are the truly happy ones.”

​​“When I get my hands on him, I'll have to be thorough with my discipline.”

​​“Tomorrow I will be handing Diavolo a report detailing how all of the exchange students are faring. I'll be sure to stress how excited you are to continue your education here at our prestigious academy.”

​​“How's the Celestial Realm? Unlike the Devildom, you don't have to worry about anyone grabbing you and eating you for lunch there, do you?”

​​“You've got Solomon with you as well, so you should relax and enjoy your time there.“

​​“If only my brothers were as obedient as you are. It is not every day that you get the chance to have me indebted to you. You can expect a one-hundred times return on the investment of your time, that I promise. In return, I expect that you won't let me down.”

​​“How naive. If you don't want me to have wasted my time by informing you, be sat in your seat at the table within the next sixty seconds. It will be just you and me. Let us enjoy the rare breakfast together before my brothers ruin the atmosphere.”

​​“Don't get cocky, MC.”

​​“One spoke at length about the clothing on the Diavolo sticker. It waxed lyrical about how exquisite the design choices were.”

​​“However, I discovered a slew of insults written in invisible ink on the page.“

​​“How could you tell? You really know me well, MC! Hehehe. I was drinking Demonus with Diavolo earlier. And you know, he kept saying all these nice things about you... Let me tell you, I'm also really happy you're down here with us.”

​​“…Who even came up with the idea that whoever empties their bottle first, wins...? Oh, right. I did... My bad. Ah, my head is spinning. Good night MC. Love you.”

​​“Ugh, you thickheaded fool of a demon! What's your skull made of? Granite?”

​​“That's a curse meant to make you stub your toe on the leg of a table… But if you actually do stub your toe, it hurts quite a bit.”

​​“MC. It has come to my attention that Mammon and Asmo took you out for a drive recently. Well, how was it? Enjoyable? …I'm glad to hear it. We all need breaks from the daily grind from time to time. l'd like you to join me for a drive next time. I'll give you a taste of euphoric freedom that those two could never dream of. Prepare for the time of your life.”

​​“If you'd like, we could take a shower together.”

​​“After all, I haven't managed to seduce you yet. I'm going to need more time.”

​​“The three highest-ranked demons in the realm, frolicking about in a frivolous pajama party? How absurd.”

​​“I didn't hear a word you just said. I know nothing about it, and I'm going to keep it that way.”

​​“I see. Then I should be allowed to take a similar photo of you, no? Come stay over in my room again tonight.”

​​“Don't be stupid. I will not allow myself to be clad in demon garb. I'm going to strip off every last piece of it this very instant and fling it as far away from me as I can.”

​​“You're a demon. I'm surprised someone like you is able to feed me lines like that with a straight face. You've got some nerve.”

​​ “Heheheh. Well, he is my brother, after all, so I thought I'd go easy on him. So, should I make this quick, or go slowly, bit by bit? Your choice.”

​​ “So, tell me. what's with the Little D.? The one looking at me with that moronic expression...”

​​“You think you stand a chance against me?! You think you could defeat Lucifer, Avatar of Pride?“

​​ “Well, aren't you persistent. I suppose you won't be happy until you've pummeled the door senseless?”

​​“...Just what were you hoping to accomplish by knocking me down like this, hm? Because doing something like that to me, right now… is making it much harder for me to control myself...!”

​​“Given that you were the one who pounced first, you can't complain when the tables are turned, can you? …I'm so thirsty, I can hardly think straight. I trust you understand what that means.”

​​ “To show my thanks, I suppose I'm not against giving you some special treatment. You'll have to come closer. I'll give you my lap until you're satisfied. ...You'll keep me company until then, won't you?”

​​"You deserve a thank you."

​​ "Sorry, this isn't exactly my cup of tea. I was hoping you'd know me better."

​​"It appears to me you know what pleases me."

​​"Are you really trying to tickle me? Heheheh, you'll have to do much better than that."

​​"Pff...if you think that tickles, you're wrong."

​​"Well, if you insist on touching me, then be my guest.”

​​"Well, hello. How are things?"

​​"You've got some nerve keeping me waiting. Well now, what are you going to do about it?"

​​"I'm back. Hm? ...Did you miss me?"

​​"*sigh* I've had a long day. But seeing you has a way of making me feel better."

​​"Sorry, I had some business to take care of. Well, well, you certainly seem happy to see me."

​​"Done? Let's continue this in my room."

​​"Good night... We'll meet again in our dreams."

​​ "I feel like we both have a nice day ahead of us."

​​ "I enjoyed our time together. Perhaps we should do this again."

​​“You do know what I'm capable of... don't you?"

​​ "Happy Easter. Will you accept it, my little bunny?"

​​"Once you're officially a sorcerer, I'd like you to become powerful enough to shut up Solomon for me."

“Very well. Here I go. Lucifer Kick!”

“Why should I be subjected to the indignation of a pat on the head from you?”

​​“After all, it's a bit like tossing a helpless lamb into the middle of a pack of hungry wolves, isn't it? But it's also important to understand just who it is you're eating, wouldn't you say?“

​​ “It means that I see you as prey, too. Just like the others. It goes without saying that I'm far stronger than you. If I were to pin you down right here and now, you wouldn't be able to do anything about it, now would you? How about we give it a try...?“

​​“You will soon enough.”

​​ “When a vampire feeds, it's not like his human prey feels only pain. Quite the opposite, actually. They're overcome with a feeling of unimaginable ecstasy. The truth is that you want this as well, don't you? You want to feel my arms around you, to give yourself up to me and offer up your blood... You're special. I won't drink you dry...no. I'm going to kiss you again and again, all over your body. Indulging in you just a bit each and every night. And I do mean every night. No other vampire will ever know the taste of your blood…”

​​“Do you have any idea how hard I had to struggle not to do this earlier...? It was all I could do to resist throwing my arms around you right in front of everyone at the party.”

​​ “MC… I missed you. I can tell just from the way you feel against me. I can sense what you're feeling.I'm sorry, MC. ...Sorry it took me so long to get to you. You should really stay with me tonight. We need to make up for all the time lost.“

​​ “You're drunk, you idiot. Oh well, I'll go along with you just for today. Bottoms up.”

​​“Me? Intoxicated? Preposterous. I'm my usual old self.”

​​“You are also fond of me, no?“

​​ “Then come over here. Are you holding back? Come closer. Prepare yourself. If I win, I get to do with you as I please.”

​​“You know there is no turning back after the first pillow is thrown, right?”

“As a demon, I've never cared when humans bred…”

​​“Stop unnecessarily stressing me out. You're shaving years off my life here.”

​​ “I don't mind. If I am not allowed to nag, then I can simply beat these rules into you.”

​​“Is this how you all amuse yourselves? By sending photos of your exposed body parts?”

​​ “Good grief. I need eyes everywhere to keep track of everyone.”

Extras! (It's hard to pick just 100 y'know?)

1. ​​“Leading unhealthy lifestyles, frittering away your time and money… The extent to which you all squander your lives away is quite intolerable to watch.”

2.​​ “Put two or more of you together, and you start getting ideas in your head. Bad ideas.”

3. “The next time one of you puts so much as a toe out of line… I'lI march you all up your beloved Mt. Imminent Death, and ensure that you NEVER return.”

4. “So as an extra bonus, I'll tickle you...”

5. “How nice that you're not letting our large underground gambling problem spoil your fun...”

✧༺⚜️༻✧

𝑀𝒶𝓈𝓉𝑒𝓇𝓁𝒾𝓈𝓉

𝒮𝒽𝓎 𝒲𝓇𝒾𝓉𝑒𝓇 ༝༚༝༚

[notmorbid]

not found.

dialogue prompts from 3x9-4x4 of usa's mr. robot.

i lost everything because of you.

time to grow up. there are no gods.

didn't mean to interrupt.

it's weird being here again. we're coming full circle.

we can protect you. we'll make things right.

i'm sorry i was such a pain in the ass.

maybe i'm not as cool and collected as i put on.

haven't you learned my social game isn't my strong suit?

you have to get out. right now. trust me.

i thought you were on my side.

it's not that i'm out of moves. it's that you're not worth one.

why don't you tell me how i should be thinking?

if you're a leader, then where are your followers?

you can't force an agenda. you have to inspire one.

believe it or not, i'm actually a real person.

you're not talking your way out of this.

what would you do if you had your way?

what? are you scared of me now?

anything you can remember? any detail?

i brought this on myself. this is on me.

the sick part is, i actually missed you.

the only reason we've not been talking is i haven't let myself.

i've been scared of myself. of the part of me that is you.

your naïveté is adorable.

you don't care about anyone but yourself.

how am i going to keep you honest?

know that i will find you.

find a way to live with what you did.

you are a terrible person. don't ever convince yourself of anything else.

all you deserve for the rest of your life is pure and utter agony.

you've taken everything from me. my whole life is ruined because of you.

stay indoors and stay off the streets.

i'm here to remember for you.

do you really believe undoing this is going to fix anything?

i can't live with what i did anymore.

whatever happens after this, i want us to keep talking.

you talk like this, and i cannot protect you. you have to relent.

you're panicking right now.

how much did you do, a little or a lot?

you have been following me, haven't you?

i've hurt so many people.

my anger won't die with me.

i thought we were goners.

don't you feel a little relieved?

why should i feel like a dick for being happy?

maybe you should take a minute and deal with what's happening.

you need to stop and take it in, or else it'll eat away at you. like everything else you're holding in.

how do you do it? how do you just move on like that?

i'm in. whether you like it or not.

why aren't you getting ready?

why don't you go without me?

we can finally be our true selves.

i don't know how much longer i can go on like this.

if someone asks for your patience, they're asking for your surrender.

they say once you pull that trigger, it changes you.

i don't feel safe around you.

what's happening to you?

nothing's ever gonna change with you, is it?

what do you call someone who's lost everyone? a survivor, or a walking time bomb?

you gotta be more detailed. the devil is in that shit.

i know what it's like. hating yourself.

you know, you can't scare me.

there's a lot more crazy where that came from.

letting people in doesn't have to hurt.

i don't want to say i hate you, but i hate you.

do i know you? you look awfully familiar.

do you really want to deal with the hassle of calling the cops?

wouldn't hurt you to learn some manners.

have you ever considered leaving?

it sounds pathetic to say aloud, but i actually care. that's why i'm a failure.

goodbye is short and final.

i know it might not be my place, but i want to help you.

i don't want you to hurt yourself.

did you ever care about me? be honest. i can take it.

i think you're the only person i know who actually likes me.

i'm just gonna go for a walk.

[jonesypiercedme]

Well, he doesn't get to go home now. Telemachus is suffering all alone without his father and he, Penelope, Argos, and everyone who loved Odysseus feel every pain he goes through while having to hold their own with even more monsters. Can you imagine begging people to listen to you, that your family is dying, that you are in agony, that you are dying, and everything around you is falling apart, and everyone else is in too much of their own pain and need to prove their own power to give you patience and time and understanding? If Ithaca needed a king, none of them stepped up to prove themselves, but an unproven Telemachus did. Why can't you do small things and keep fighting until something works, too? If someone had been patient with me and understood I was physically dying of pain and stress earlier, I may not have gone to three psych wards and not have lost 24 years of my life. But no one knew, because no one could understand it, but there's no need to understand. Just do something, anything, even, in order to help others, then Odysseus returns home, and then maybe I would have been lucid sooner.

I have a friend who is suffering due to everyone around them suffering, seeing their friends and family and home in agonizing pain as they seek aide, having to fill the role and take on the pain of all three heroes trying to advocate for them. Ahmed and Dina Alanqar have three very young children and an infant in the midst of a war. that is not something ever meant to cross paths, and yet it keeps happening. The cost of travel, living, and loving your family only keeps going up. Every day you must bargain and barter just for a chance to survive, and the cost is only ever increasing amounts of agonizing tears, time lost, pain gain, and blood shed. Families need each other, and it is more than just one family, but theirs is in need of assistance right now, and you have an ability to reblog, read, donate a couple dollars, share your thoughts, think about them, and just try to remember how to be a human by loving others and reaching out, even if you flail for nothing, you'll find someone's hand, every time. Just forget the pain and humiliation of the flailing in the dark, and keep trying to get to the right place.

https://gofund.me/7b67a844

Please read through their story too, even if you cannot donate. You just read a bit of Telemachus', mine, and my rendition of theirs, but they are still speaking openly. They have a lot to say and they have a whole, loving family. If not their story, then look in the eyes of another family because there is nothing different between these children, mothers, fathers, random people who feel they are without ties, cats, creatures, land, and olive trees than yours, besides the fact that you cannot look at them and read their story too. Even if you have no money right now, people need to be seen to be aided. I can't type very fast and am currently going through a lot, but it wasn't difficult to look someone in the eyes when I was lucid enough to try, and it isn't difficult to make a poll or empathize with someone by showing compassion, regardless of environmental circumstances.

I'm sorry, I don't have more I can say right now, because stories are meant to be shared and people are meant to be loved and helped.

Here is a photo of three of their beautiful and hopeful children, Eileen, Yamen, and Zeina. I cannot imagine what Telemachus looked like, but I imagine similar to them.

[louisissucha-teez]

how have we not yet discussed how johnlock guilty as sin? is?

okay so i'm not even gonna get into how The Reichenbach Fall coded 'downtown lights' by the blue nile is (atleast not right now, i have a lot to say already). so, reichenbach fall happens and john's boredom's bone deep, this cage (life, his marriage, whatever you wanna take it as) which was once just fine (because he had sherlock and they had quite a happening life) is decidedly not fine anymore. he feels guilty for feeling this way, he doubts his own grief for how strongly it takes a hold of him, how trivial everything else (read: literally his whole LIFE) feels in comparison to this loss. he doesn't even know what to say, how to act, except to ask am i allowed to cry?

he's remembering the great adventures they had together. the days when "the game is afoot" signalled words ready to be written, fickle mysteries waiting to entrap them but being lacerated by the greatest mind he ever knew, the man he can never leave behind even when he himself was left behind (for somewhere deep down, quite contritely, he blames sherlock for being the first to leave).

but these are all things of past now. all he can do is dream of cracking locks, throwing (their) lives to the wolves or the ocean rocks (because really, what have they not done in pursuit of a criminal?)

then, The Empty Hearse. john is trying to outrun the voices in his head, the memories haunting him. he goes out on a date with mary, put the hauntings to a pause and all that, only to crash into him tonight and no, this cannot be happening and mary is looking at him and calling out to him and he should answer, she is getting worried, he should tell her it's fine but is it? is it really fine?

he should be dead.

he's a paradox

he fell to his death.

i'm seeing visions,

john wants to punch him. or hug him. he loves him. he hates him. he wishes this happened like, oh, two years ago. he wishes this never happened. he wishes the dead would've stayed dead, buried in the cemetery he visited heaven knows how many times. he wishes he were the dead instead.

john punches him.

am i bad? or mad? or wise?

i will leave the nsfw part of the chorus to your imagination (i have a lot of it. way too much of it. someone write a fanfic please.)

but sherlock is, after all, much like an add¡ction. the withdrawal was misery and one slip and falling back into the hedge maze and they're on the underground, and they are about to probably be blown up and the last thing he would see is those clear, calculating, alive, eyes staring right back at him and oh, what a way to die

they could've died. they didn't, because of course sherlock wouldn't let him die, but they could've because not every fall can be a feint and sherlock fell from grace in john's heart and he just can't bear to open it up to him again. but of course, he can't escape his own heart, can do nothing but keep his longings locked in lowercase inside a vault. he feels these feelings but doesn't act on them, never acts on them (for someone (sherlock, probably) told him there's no such thing as bad thoughts, only your actions talk). so he keeps these fatal fantasies buried inside (let out only in the dead of night). again, nothing i want to say here that taylor didn't already say.

and how can i not talk about the bridge. what if he gave up on sherlock, on them? and what if he didn't? they're gonna crucify (him) anyway but does it really matter, when he chose him, when he'll always choose him, when sherlock has haunted him for years but he'd still choose him, religiously, when what they have is all that is holy, and without it all he knows is agony?

he's here, sherlock is finally here, an answer to john's million, billion, whimpering prayers, but he's still left longing for their trysts. is he allowed to cry?

(bonus point for why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow basically being the definition of johnlock from literally day 1)

[narwhalandchill]

its been like. nearly a year (How.) already but i cannot lie theres Still a part in the back of my brain occupied with and being thoroughly entertained by the way that childes confirmed 4.0 complete self-awareness over waking up the narwhal at 14 recontextualizes some key liyue things leading to some very funny self indulgent scenarios in my head

like yes chili is old news its basic please excuse me for predictable popular ship crimes (do NOT however associate me w the crimes of fanon against their actual range. theyre peak to Me) but i just keep replaying the imagery of zhongli and childe back on their homoerotic Professional Working Relationship bullshit where their flirting passed the jkjk unless treshold of even remotely plausible deniability like 8 exorbitantly priced business dinners ago and theyre just like. doing that whole song and dance now neither committing to a move except zhonglis presently feeling moderately conflicted (but nonetheless fairly unfazed at) by the prospects of actually developing some sort of a thing for the harbinger hes supposed to puppet master into executing the major story climax of his 67-step retirement plan bc he turned out to be quite the strangely charming ginger specimen (to His weird fucking 6000 year old tastes at least. they deserve each other) with some fascinating life ambitions he cant help but be enraptured by.

but because hes still 100% Locked In on his entire plan zhonglis also just . simultaneously dual wielding his coy-ass "i like you and am taking it slow to Savor this developing relationship (Also bc of the Geo Archon Shaped Elephant In The Room) except am old as shit so my languid sense of time inadvertedly Automatically turns my behavior into an equivalent of the dark souls boss of playing hard2get" act (cue "waddup im ajax 24 and im in fucking agony with this hot funeral consultant". Yes they live like this) AND also meticulously theorycrafting like 12 moves in advance for his 6d chess play of leaving the most subtly crafted trail of breadcrumbs behind for the tsaritsas 11th to follow into the intended & completely "Coincidental" idea of unleashing the one particular sealed sea deity that zhongli Specifically wants momentarily released for his sweet 6k retirement party and graduation test for the nation hes helicopter parented for 3.7k years .

like. this is zhongli we r talking about the guy Absolutely has it planned out down to a fucking art like he has an entire branching path dialogue tree planned and memorized like its a visual novel for every possible way he can conveniently namedrop osial in a non-suspect way and also that he just happens to be sealed right over there across the harbor (what a coincidence!) and also to slip in the intel about the latent power of the sigil of permission etc etc. like zhonglis just out there doing all this massive galaxy brain computational work simultaneously while infodumping on an academic level about whichever subject childes latest random comment of amicable small talk happened to remind him of because in his helicopter parent in remission mind its Absolutely Critical that the idea about releasing osial occurs Completely organically in childes mind it Has to he Cannot risk revealing anything . (hes in remission not in recovery guys.) so like here we are. he requested notes from the tsaritsa Personally on the character of her 11th just to ensure every move was painstakingly crafted to draw him Specifically to the intended conclusion without risking revealing his true identity .

except. the thing . neither he. nor the tsaritsa . would have been informed of . is that this simply isnt childes first fucking rodeo waking up an eldritch city sized sea creature . and he is very well aware of this fact . he woke that beautiful wonderful beloved huge fucking narwhal up by himself had his brain chemistry Immediately and Irrevocably rewired as a direct consequence do you fucking think hes somehow stopped thinking about that singular moment for even a second since then???

yeah . thought so.

so what actually ends up happening in reality is theyll be on another definitely-serious-business-not-just-a-date and zhonglis going to get down to like dialogue selection part 10 of the 86 step conversation tree at Most where hes only beginning to like Vaguely allude to the key pieces of information involved but it turns out Because Hes That Guy (TM) And Has Been There Done That Before childes basic pattern recognition and sense of irony simply proceed to kick in Way ahead of time and hes Immediately perking up like Hey wouldnt it be really fucking funny if i wake up an eldritch sea beast Again . like just in case. as a last ditch effort .

and zhonglis just sitting there seeing the gears turn in his head as they enjoy their cringe fucking picnic (bc they just stare at each other intently like that nowadays its a thing. being in a room with them by this point is essentially a human rights violation) and is just completely fucking flabbergasted and lost on how in the hell childes speedran his way to that conclusion at what amounts to barely a 13% completion rate in his whole overkill fucking plan (just 1 of 3 contingencies btw) and its like yes he has his intended outcome but also precisely 0 idea on how the fuck said outcome was reached the way it was this fast . like hes still winning its His plan thats well underway and ahead of schedule but How

(pov: ur selling the concept of waking up destructive sea creatures to the guy who woke up a celestial body eating cosmic whale at 14)

anyway its truly beautiful i absolutely detest these two and have prime liyue AQ hijinks nostalgia now thank you for the lore drop that allowed this to become canon in my head hoyo

[insipid-drivel]

To My Recent Readers:

I've gotten a small influx of followers courtesy of the fanfiction I've been working on for a few months now. I know some of you follow me on here now and I have some updates:

Right now, things are not great with regards to my health. I'm currently waiting on an emergency appointment with a gastroenterologist, while at the same time I have to make it to my doctor over an hour away just for a meet-and-greet when I am in too much pain to even sit up and work on the fic without feeling like my organs are crushing themselves and slowly killing me. I spend every waking minute of my life these days in unmitigated pain.

I'm trying to get bottom surgery done on the 10th of Feb to resolve reproductive issues that have nearly killed me twice already. Before that, I have to show up for another mandatory F2F with my psychiatrist just to re-update the same meds I've been taking for almost 10 years on the 3rd of Feb, which is more stress that I'm already crying about having to put up with. On the 22nd of January I have to be in Seattle for an appointment that is not going to involve anything but "Hi, I'm here to cut you open. Now drive back home in agony and wait while I provide you with no further help," and it's going to be awful.

I deal with an extraordinary amount of medical PTSD due to severe malpractice and sexual assault at the hands of doctors over several years and multiple instances. I lost my gallbladder about 10 years ago in emergency surgery, and haven't even been able to take Tylenol without experiencing horrifying 8+ hour episodes of pain, vomiting, and begging for death that gets treated like a cry for attention at the ER and has never gotten me any help.

I am endeavoring as best as I can to write more chapters and try to finish Drowning Flotsam in Wine, but I hope you guys can forgive me if I can't. I've been bedridden and in increasingly worse pain for years and have never gotten any doctor to take me seriously enough to help outside of prescribing me pain medications and psych meds that only make my insides bleed and my pain worse.

If I stop updating and cannot be found after Feb. 10, there is a possibility I may be dead from whatever disease I have that my doctors categorically refuse to look into. I'm terrified, and already feel like my body has been steadily working on quitting on me for years, while my doctors have ignored me until it's past the point of helping. I fully intend to sign a DNR and advanced directives to ensure that, should my fears prove accurate, I will not have to suffer anymore and will be gone before more harm can be done to me. I live in a state where euthanasia is provided for the terminally ill, and if I am found to be that sick, I intend to exercise my rights as soon as they're made available to me.

I will update if and when I know more about my present situation, but right now, I'm typing this from my bed and cannot get up by myself to even open my bedroom door. It's hard to even get to the bathroom without help. I'm in more pain than I know what to deal with, and am not considered old or disabled enough to qualify for in-home nursing or alternative pain relief to oral medications.

If something should happen to me to make me disappear for good, please enjoy what I've already published, but I ask that no efforts be made to memorialize or remember me. If it's time, I just want to go into that long goodnight quietly, and as alone as I've always been. I'm ready to be done with this life, if this life is finally ready to stop hurting me and let me go somewhere there is no pain.

Don't worry for me. I'll do my best to keep writing and entertaining you with what's left that the pain hasn't taken away from me.

-Biz/glowsdicks

PS: If the worst does come to pass, I'm begging you, please don't plug my work into AI to "finish" it for you. Generative AI already destroyed my career and is not capable of generating the level of quality content that I can. I've lost everything to it already.

If you have any respect for me or the work I've done to entertain you, please just let it be as it is, even if it outlives me. Please don't feed more of my work into the programs and software that took away my greatest source of happiness in a world that has any ever brought me pain.

[fantasies-fairytales-n-fics]

Thranduil and Josie Pt. 130- Nirvana

Summary: Garrett receives a gift. He and Josephine have a moment, but someone lurks. The witch and vampire find themselves in dire straits. Josie gets the shock of her life and is adamant of what she saw. Haldir and Garrett clash. Thranduil is hurt. Julian solves a puzzle.

*Warnings* language, angst, mild violence, injury

Stories Stories Stories Masterlist

You and Garrett were taken to a large clearing in the Wander Woods, which was in a sense, similar to the dark forest, a vast maze designed to be confusing to those of the non faerie world and full of danger...but it was still beautiful.

Desperately, you tried to to use your powers to help Garrett, but it were as if they had never returned, for as Amara said, non-fey powers were useless in her realm. That also confused you because your first and last visit there, she had asked you to demonstrate them for her. You could only conclude that if she approved it, your power would work.

Garrett was placed against a tree, where the Vitas Veritas detained his wrists, Amara's enchanted vines under her sole command. You thought of them as the vines of truth after she used them for her kissing game between you, Garrett and Legolas. Just like the Seelies, they only knew truth.

"Why are you doing this Amara?? You said you wanted to be friends, even asked to call me by my given name and gave me permission to call you by yours." Garrett asked for probably the third time now, still with no definitive answer.

"Although you are a daylighter, darkness follows you. Do not worry, it will not hurt long."

"What?? Why are you going to hurt him!!! Stop this, PLEASE!! Take me instead!" you beseeched her as you struggled fervently to free yourself.

"No!!" Garrett barked as he snapped his head to you with astonished eyes.

Amara ignored your pleas and glanced up at her manly minion.

"Proceed."

Garrett struggled and panted frantically as another faerie lifted his shirt up, then the one Garrett referred to as magic Mike, pointed a long metal spear at him.

"Nooooooooo!!!" you screamed, in fear he was going to drive it into Garrett's heart and you were going to have to watch him die. It brought out all kinds of feelings for him that you didn't know existed.

The faerie then whipped the spear over to the other side that revealed what appeared to be the letter C, and it was searing red as if it had been sitting in a fire for hours.

He plunged it against Garrett's chest, right over his heart. Garrett bellowed and shook in agony, his eyes as red as the scorching mark on the rod.

You screamed and cried at his pain as you could hear the sear of the branding.

"Stop it PLEASE, PLEASE!!!"

The two faeries had to hold you up as your legs fell weak in defeat. A glowing red ember of the mark sizzled like the sun and then vanquished as if it were never there. The vines released Garrett and he dropped to his knees.

"Let me go!!!" you commanded.

This time, the faeries abided and released you, in which you darted right to Garrett and dropped beside him, pulling him into your arms.

"You see vampire? I told you it would be over quickly and I cannot lie. Any other would be dead, dead, dead. Only a daylighter can survive the mark."

Garrett was reeling, his eyes in attack mode as he death glared Amara accompanied by a low emitted growl that rose deep from within him.

"Garrett, look at me, hey, hey!" you pleaded while holding his face. "You're ok. God, I am so glad I came with you."

You hugged him tightly as he exhaustingly agreed. "Me too."

"What was that?? Why would you do this to him???" you then snapped at the Seelie Queen.

"The Mark of Cain, for protection. It will do you a great service throughout your immortal years. Someone has placed a deadly spell on you. If not for me, by twilight you would be dead, dead, dead, but now you will live. I told you I liked you Roman and I do not lie."

"So you keep saying. Why, WHY did you not just tell me this?"

"Would you have complied if I had?"

Garrett's brow lifted. "Wellll..."

"I did not think so. Force was necessary."

"Who would do this?? and why??" you desperately asked.

"Someone clearly with a vendetta against the daylighter."

"Well that narrows it down to about...one thousand people. Who was it and why...and how do you even know this?" Garrett snidely inquired.

"Someone in the Dorwinion realm. Jealousy would seem legitimate. I know this because I hear whispers from..."

"The birds, the bees and the bugs because they're all in your service. I know.....so now I have insects and Aves spying on me." Garrett quipped.

Amara actually smiled at Garrett's humor.

"Aside from the minor pain you endured, how are you feeling otherwise?"

"Minor???"

"Garrett..." you sternly said and then stroked his cheek. "Answer her. I too want to know if you're ok now."

His eyes softly smiled at you as they were returning to his human like blue hues.

"I'll admit....I do actually feel alright now, but I am more than ready to blow this pop stand."

"So soon? I was hoping to hear more of..."

"Amara...please. May we leave?" Garrett asked with lingering anger.

"Very well. You may go. We will meet again. I am very certain of that." she said as she eerily glanced at you.

"Thank you...Amara." Garrett said, trying to be polite for what she did but you knew him too well. He was livid.

Garrett stormed out of the exit, guitar case in hand as you trotted to keep up with his enormous fast paced strides.

"Can you believe the nerve of that..."

"Garrett, shhhh. The bugs and..."

"Fuck them!" he snapped and trekked on in a raging silence.

You couldn't blame him, for you were still pissed off about it all too, especially the fact that someone used black magic on him and you had a damn good idea who it was. In all of your anger, you were still eternally grateful for what Amara did. You may not have been around Garrett to use the emerald when the spell took full effect...and you couldn't even fathom the thought of losing him.

After a good ten minutes, he finally spoke. "I can tell you know who it was. Let me guess. Narcisse?"

"No. I may have been inclined to think that too, but...well, not anymore."

All you could think of was the huge heated fight you and he had just prior to your summer court outing. As far as you knew, Stephane didn't mess with black magic for he was too powerful of a warlock to need it, and then the fact that you truly believed he was not responsible for poisoning Haldir, even under his own spell placed on him by the same person that you deemed guilty of doing this to Garrett.

"You seem pretty sure? How do you know? I mean, he does have motive. Jealousy being one. I see the way he looks at you."

"And Catherine knows he would be blamed for that reason. She's the one who poisoned Haldir, put the rat in my bath with the threatening note and released Asher. She's trying to hurt me all because of her own jealousies of me and Narcisse. He has since locked her in the dungeons."

"Is there... a you and Narcisse?" he asked after a brief pause.

"I'm sorry Josephine, it's none of my business." he concluded when you did not answer right away.

"No...no Garrett. There is no me and him."

"Soooo...you're saying there's a chance for a you...and me?" he eagerly asked with a soft grin and then abruptly stopped and turned you to him.

"I'm sorry...it's just that...Josephine, what you did back there...you offered yourself in my place. Why would you do that? You didn't know what she was going to do to me. What if her intent was to kill me, which is what we both believed."

"I...I...I don't know, it was on impulse. I was desperate to stop her. I was so scared for you...Garrett...I..."

He placed his hand tenderly on your cheek. "You what Josephine?"

"That song you sang....it...kind of made me see things more clearly. Garrett...I forgive you about Raven."

He was so elated and overwhelmed with your words that he leaned down and kissed you. You squeaked with wide eyes and then slowly closed them, letting your lips part and melt into his.

You whimpered and pulled back. "Garrett...I...."

"Don't speak." he whispered and pulled your mouth back to his, taking it in fully.

Your arms slid up and around his neck, wanting this, wanting him. Your tongues lightly touched and teased as his cool lips caressed yours so lovingly. His hands slid down the back of your thighs and the next thing you knew, you were being hoisted up onto him. The feelings you had in that moment were incredulous as you gripped your legs and arms around him firmly, kissing him with intense passion while your fingers entangled into his hair. Was this really happening in the middle of the dark forest?? His internal fireplace was beginning to warm his chilled skin and you. Your kisses became stronger with shared moans...and then...he dropped you as his eyes darted all around in panic.

"G..Garrett???" you panted as you studied his predatory face.

"Someone is here...a...warlock."

"Is it my dad again?" you gasped, also now looking around in panic.

"No...and it's not Jareth either, or Narcisse...I'm not sure who...I...I've smelled the scent before but can't seem to place it. We need to go...now."

Garrett left the guitar and grabbed onto you, launching into the air. He didn't even make it to the top of the trees when you were both hit...hard by a swift moving black shadow, separating and plummeting you both to the ground.

You had no idea what you landed in, but it sprayed up some kind of black sparkly smoke into your face. The stench was horrid and the enchanted effects were immediate. Your vision tripled as if you were drunk.

"Garrett!!"

His name echoed all around you as you stumbled to your feet, swaying about trying to focus, but you couldn't see him and he didn't answer you. A strange frightening sound came from above, a bird possibly but not of this world. You shrieked and began running, while constantly tripping as you felt your way around the trees in panic. You couldn't find your shield to protect you, or any of your powers for that matter.

The things you were beginning to see were as if you were on acid, judging by the descriptions you've heard about it. The trees were coming to life and appeared to be melting. Bugs were everywhere in vivid detail right down to their beady eyes leering at you. Prehistoric like creatures jumped from tree to tree, taunting you with their ear piercing screeches. Nothing was of color, just black as death.

You ran some more, wobbling back and forth, shouting for Garrett and ended up plunging through a stream of the black poisonous water, face planting into the muddy bank. You clawed your way up it only to see a most terrifying vision. You could almost swear it was a Nazgul. Had they come for Garrett for his assumed role in the Lake Town massacre? or was the reaper there for you...

Suddenly, it made an evil hiss at something in the distance and exploded into smoke, then raced off into the air.

Stumbling back up through the mud, you made your way in that direction, wondering what scared him off. It had to have been something of light to cause such a reaction, and to you, light meant safety.

As you fumbled through a mess of dead brush, you came into a clearing. Were your eyes still deceiving you from the toxic inhalant, or the black water? Or was it the forest itself? You couldn't be certain of what you were now seeing.

It was like walking into Sanctuary, a faerie realm of the snow white fairy tale. Was it part of Amara's? There were creatures of all kinds, from rabbits to foxes and the colors were like the rainbow prism. Birds were singing about and butterflies flew all around. The river was sparkling in the radiant sunlight. Flowers of every kind filled the air with a succulent aroma. You had to be hallucinating.

But then, a familiar scent blew through the breeze and into your face. Lilacs. You gasped and spun around to see the most beautiful and intoxicating vision you had ever seen aside from Thranduil.

There stood an enormous white stag with antlers the size of a house, standing on a flat stone platform over the river stream, gazing at you. The light illuminating out of it made you squint.

It couldn't be....it..it wasn't possible.

You cautiously made your way up to it, trembling with your eyes wide and welled up. The stag just stood there watching you as if it weren't afraid of you at all.

"Th...Thra...Thranduil??" you squeaked in a tear filled voice.

The beautiful giant twitched it's ear and gave a gentle huff. You shielded your eyes from the light with your hand as you moved closer, in which you then saw it's eyes. Pure moonstones. Your King's eyes.

You choked on your gasp as you reached out your shaking hand and touched him.

His light intensified as you did so, and he nuzzled into your hand. He even had a long white mane like Thranduil, that elegantly swayed just like the Elvenking's.

"I...I...this cannot be, I..must be dreaming or....dead? Thranduil...is it you my love??"

You had every reason to believe it was, for you knew his secret. He had told you of his shapeshifting ability on the night of your first dance with him and you swore to him you would never tell a soul, for he had trusted you with something so sacred. The only other person that knew was Legolas...possibly Haldir, but many others always speculated about it. Even Legolas had the ability, for you had seen him in that form at Rivendell when he was presumed dead.

The stag then bowed to you as if he were verifying your question.

"My god...how??? It...It's really you!! You're real. You found a way to come to me from the other side. Thranduil, I..I'm so lost without you! I have never felt such a pain in my heart, for it bares a giant hole that was punched through it when you left. I...Im mel cin so limb. More than nin own cuil." (I love you so much. More than my own life.)

A tear trickled from the great elk's eye as he nudged your cheek and gave it a soft lick, telling you he felt the same. You burst into tears and kissed his nose.

"If this is a dream, I don't want to wake up. I want to be with you forever my King, the way it was always supposed to be. The way it was written in the stars. I want to come home, for nowhere is home without you."

Your reflection danced in his gleaming eyes as he stomped his hoof. You knew what he was trying to tell you, that you must stay for Leean. You couldn't hear him, but you could feel it.

His ears flickered as he turned his head swiftly, staring into the forest.. and then...an arrow came out of nowhere and pierced into his ribs. He launched up onto his hind legs and began to ferociously kick, releasing a shrill wail....and then he burst into a swarm of white butterflies.

"NOOOOOO!! THRANDUIL!!!!" you screamed as a comet like flash of light disappeared into the sky.

You released a hard grunt as Garrett plowed into you, knocking the wind from your lungs and whisked you up into the air in which you immediately fell faint in his arms.

Garrett gently landed with you on the bay by Narcisse's castle and knelt down, cradling you.

"Josephine, sweetheart, wake up." he sweetly said as he stroked your cheek.

Your eyelids fluttered open and Garrett's worried face came into focus.

"Garrett?"

You quickly sat right up. "Oh my god, are you alright?? I couldn't find you!"

"I'm alright. When we were hit, I was thrown against a tree and knocked out. Are you alright??"

"Y..yeah I..I think so...what the hell happened?"

"Harker..that's what happened. I knew I recognized that stench. I finally found you and got you out of there."

"What the hell does he want?? Why would he attack us?"

"I would assume to scare you? He's probably here for that book since Julian didn't get his hands on it or your moonstone, which don't worry. I have it safely hidden as you asked me to do."

"I...I called to you but you didn't answer so I went searching. There was something, I fell in it and..."

"Yeah...mud." he chuckled as he looked you over. You were covered from head to toe in it.

"I..I know but there was something else and I couldn't see straight. I kept hallucinating."

"It was the dark forest and probably it's black waters since your clothes are wet. I found you wandering by it, screaming....something."

His expression told you he knew what that something was.

"Did...did you see it too?"

"See what?"

"The death dealer...I am certain I saw one."

"No...but it may have been Harker messing with you if it wasn't from the effects of whatever it was that you fell in, which by the way, doesn't smell so pleasant....very sensitive nose here."

"Sorry....Arrgh, everything I saw was so real. And...something...something scared it away, the vision of the Nazgul...I...remember going in that direction and.....OH MY GOD!!!" you shouted and jumped to your feet.

"Thranduil!!! I...saw...he...he was there!!"

"What? Josephine, you were alone."

"Nooo? I wasn't! He came to me...from the other side! He...saved me from that dealer, or Harker, or whatever the fuck it was. That's what it was afraid of!!"

"Josephine, I think you're still under the effects of the forest. When I found you, you were by yourself and talking to...nothing. And then you started screaming."

"I am TELLING you he was there! I smelled him, I touched him. I could feel him! He was in the form...."

You had to stop yourself so you wouldn't reveal his secret.

"He was in the what Josephine?"

"Uhh, the uh...he was in the water, well, standing on a stone and...his light, it was so bright. How could you have not seen it?? The forest, it was so beautiful and vibrant, like his gardens....and...someone...shot him!! With an arrow, oh my god I have to go back!"

You started running back towards the forest.

"Josephine NO! Harker is out there somewhere!" Garrett shouted and sped off like lightning after you, grasping your waist and spinning you around like a cyclone.

"Let me go!!! He's hurt! I have to go to him!!"

"Josephine stop it!!" he yelled and gave you a shake. "No one was there! The forest, it is dark, dead and empty. There was nothing beautiful there. You were hallucinating. I...I heard you Ok?? Talking to...what you believed to be him...but no one was there sweetheart."

"Yes...yes he was...I...I...."

You broke down crying in Garrett's arms. "It was real...he...was real."

"Heyyy, alright. You say he was shot? Where did he go after that?"

"I...I don't know! He...he burst into butterflies and...I know how that sounds...but..I saw it and then his light, it....flew away...but...he felt the pain! He let out this screech...how could he feel it when he's....I...I don't know what happened Garrett, or what is happening!"

You were now sobbing as hard as a frightened child, gasping for air.

"It's alright baby, I've got you."

Garrett held you so close to him, not giving a damn about the mud or the smell.

"Oh, god...what if...what if he saw us? You know..."

Garrett stared at you, slightly hurt. "Are....are you..ashamed of me?"

"What? God no, I just meant that, well you know how Thranduil felt about you..."

"JO!!" Haldir shouted and came racing up to you.

Garrett released you and crossed his arms over his chest as he lowered his head to hide his po'd state.

"Haldir!"

You spun around and ran into his arms. The reluctant elf hesitated to hug you as he held his arms out behind you.

"Jo, you are filthy and...what is that god awful smell?"

"Never mind that. Haldir, I saw Thranduil!!! In the forest, and he was shot with an arrow and I don't know where he went and..and Garrett don't believe me and..."

"I never said I did not believe you Josephine? I just said that..."

"What? How is that possible Jo?"

"I don't know!! Will you please believe me and help me look for him??"

"Jo, you are a crying delirious mess. What the hell happened to her?! Every time you are around, trouble follows!" Haldir raged at Garrett as you clung to him panting.

Garrett's lips pursed and his eyes flashed to red. "If I am permitted to speak, I'll tell you!" he snapped.

Haldir raised his neck up firmly and glared at Garrett through slitted lids at the vampire's threatening stance.

"In a nutshell, we were in the forest, heading back here. I picked up the scent of a warlock that I didn't recognize at first, but then figured it out. It was Harker. We were attacked and Josephine and I got separated. She ended up falling in some enchanted shit, literally, and when I found her, she was like this, stating she saw Thranduil and spoke to him...but I saw, nor heard anyone, nor did I smell the King."

"That's because he came from the...afterlife I guess you'd call it and he only wanted me to see him. He still had his magic! Haldir, tell me YOU believe me!"

"Jo...did he...speak to you, say anything at all?"

"Well....no...but he used gestures. He was elated to see me...and sad too."

"Jo...why would he not speak to you? It makes no sense. And if he were shot, why would he just leave you there? Thranduil would lay down his life for you, not run away, even if he were hurt."

"Oh, that's just great. You think I'm crazy too! I thought you of ALL people would believe me. If Legolas were here, he would!" you raged.

"I never said I did not believe you and I certainly do not think you are crazy Jo. I just think...that you were hallucinating and that you still are under the effects of the forest, which you should never have been in! and why were you with the vampire to begin with??"

"That's none of your business sprite." Garrett retorted.

"It is my business! Look at her! Do you ever think of anyone but yourself?"

"I was thinking of her! I flew her out of there like a bat out of hell, pun intended!"

"Will you both shut the hell up! I..I can't even think straight and I..I don't feel so good."

"Jo, you need cleaned up and rest, and some healing water. If it will make you feel better, I will go look for him as long as you stay put....I am taking her inside. I think you should go." Haldir flatly told Garrett with leering eyes.

"Promise??"

"Yes, of course Jo."

You then looked at Garrett. "Will I...see you later? I think we should talk more."

"Talk about what Josephine? It seems there's nothing more to say and you have everything you need right here so..." he said as he watched you still attached to Haldir.

You let go of him and took Garrett's hand, leading him a few feet away.

"I think there's plenty to talk about. Will you stick around, please?" you lowly said as you gazed up in his fiery eyes.

"So you can tell me what I already know? After all I witnessed out there, and even right here, I see no point for more conversation, for your actions tell me all. When I said I heard you talking to whom you believed to be your King, I heard everything you said to him. Even after what we shared today, it's now non existent to you, and I really do understand it. It's my fault because I knew better, but unfortunately I am someone who never learns his lesson. I certainly cannot compete with Thranduil, even in the afterlife and you certainly are not ready to let me try. In fact, I don't believe you ever will be. Legolas was right. You will always choose him. It will always be him and I really think I just need to let you go."

"No, stop talking like this. You can't leave again Garrett. Not after everything just like you said."

"All of that everything would be history if he were here. You and I both know it. Legolas knew it. Hell, even Haldir knew it... so stop lying to yourself."

He took your hands and half smiled. "I will always love you Josephine and never regret a moment with you."

Garrett stepped back, his eyes still fixed inside yours and slowly released your hands. "Always."

And then he was gone.

"Garrett no, come back!!"

"Jo..let him go. I am sure he will be back. He is like an incurable disease."

"Really Haldir???" you scoffed and marched off to the castle.

6 hours later

Thranduil gasped awake to find himself in the bed with a searing pain in his side. Upon pulling the covers down, he noticed a bandage wrapped around his chest with hints of bloody seepage soaking through. He winced in pain as he slowly sat up, trying to remember what happened, but he could not. He did in fact recall speaking to Legolas though and tried again, multiple times but with no response. His keen elven ears soon picked up voices near his door, being that of Jareth, Julian and Harker...and they didn't seem pleasant. Thranduil shuffled his way to the door and listened, flinching as he held his side.

"So what you're telling me is that I sent you to do what Julian here failed to do and you also failed?? Do I have to do everything myself?" Jareth barked. "I did not send you there to terrorize Josephine. You were to retrieve the book and that stone of hers."

"And I would have if it hadn't been for that damn vampire. I was this close to capturing her. I had to scare her. She's not just going to give me what I want."

"And then what?? What is it that you were going to do to her if you had??"

"Force her to give me the gem, among other...things." Harker smugly grinned.

Jareth fumed and backhanded him. "I did not send you there to play house with my daughter. A simple task to get the book is all I asked since Julian told you right where he put it and then take the gem. Now, we have bigger problems at hand regarding the Elvenking."

"And that is? I have been reconditioning him as you asked and he was securely locked in his room when I left."

"And he still is, with an unexplainable injury. He was found on the floor in a pool of blood which appears to be from a wound in his side and I am pretty sure it was not self inflicted, unless elves have suicidal tendencies I don't know about."

Harker's eyes widened as his jaw dropped to the floor. "That...cannot be...how...how did he..."

"What are you muttering about??"

"I think you're right. We do have bigger problems. That means, Josephine may know he's alive and where he is."

"What say you???!"

"Like I sad earlier, I found her with Garrett in the dark forest in some heavy make out session, but the vampire detected me and they fled. I was able to stop them but she ran off and I found her...and I almost had her until...no...this just cannot be."

"Will you just say it!! Until what???"

"I didn't think it was relevant until now but...there was this light, it burned and made me ill, so I retreated but stayed close to wait it out. Josephine headed towards it so I followed at a safe distance. She was...talking to...a great white stag that glowed like a star, stroking it and crying. I then took out my bow and...I shot it....in the rib cage....but then Garrett came and flew off with her before I could get near her."

Now Jareth's eyes were wide with wonder, along with Julian's.

"So it is true...the rumored tales." Julian whispered.

"Explain. What tales?" Jareth asked firmly as his patience was growing thin.

"The White Hart. There are many suspicions of who he is stemming from his rarely seen appearances over the millenniums of middle earth. I think it is now quite clear that the speculations of many are correct...and what you witnessed Harker, was an astral projection. How he did it, I am not sure but... It would seem our shapeshifting guest is more powerful than we were aware of. The Elvenking is in fact...the White Hart....and he went to find his Queen."

[yandere-sins]

The new chapter was so good! Hard agree! I can say that this chapter made me love Pomefiore (a dorm I was meh on, even after their focus chapter) and Idia (Ortho was already adorable). I cannot express my happiness in learning why the NEET is a NEET and it isn't just some misguided misanthropy. He has ✨ trauma ✨ that he needs to deal with. Also... Malleus at the end contemplating that humans be having short lives.... Just saying~

Right??!! Totally agree with you!!

To be fair, I am biased, I love Pomefiore, tho I didn't like Epel very mch before but I was cheering so hard for him!! Everytime Vil complimented him I was soooo proud of both of them!!!!!!!!!!

Now, Ignihyde was actually my second to last favorite but it just skyrocketed! I like both Idia and Ortho so much more now (I even pulled Idia's card which was stupid bc Vil's birthday is in two days but OH WELL I got it hehe). But I was actually so proud too that Idia just... learned to come to terms with things on his own. It felt right for him. Sure the others helped, but once he was alone I felt like he really thought about things while he put Ortho together. I was spoiled on his backstory but seeing it actually unfold and all was sooo much better than expected.

Malleus was very dreamy again, hehe! I enjoy it when we get the chance to call him Hornton idk, feels somewhat intimate to call him a stupid nickname still lol I am also spoiled on what's going to happen but I still enjoy watching the story unfold a lot! I hope they continue to keep up the good story ^-^

And I agree... the agony of being very, very long-living while all your friends and darling are not. Despairing. I love it.

[waiting-on-a-dream]

𝚃𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝟸 𝚖𝚞𝚜𝚒𝚌 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚘

What's the point of this post exactly? Well, I forgot to put the chosen lyrics of the Milgram songs in the prisoners' wikipedia pages to explain why that specific song suits them, so here we are. I decided to do it for the DECO*27 and other producers' songs as well.

I also noticed that the undercover lyrics for the canon prisoners have been changed to incorporate the titles of their trial 1 songs, so I'm doing that for my prisoners as well. :D

_𝙴𝚍𝚒𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚞𝚗𝚍𝚎𝚛𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚕𝚢𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚜

𝙸𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚘: “UNDER” An outsider in my own home, things just don't work out the way I want them to.

𝙰𝚔𝚊𝚗𝚎: “UNDER” I'm sick of people who blind themselves to the truth, will anyone bother to open their eyes?

𝙳𝚊𝚒𝚜𝚞𝚔𝚎: “UNDER” Always chasing after the artificial happiness high, it seems nothing will ever fill the hole within.

𝚂𝚞𝚣𝚞𝚖𝚎: “UNDER” Holding onto a false red string of love, there's nothing like a love worth killing for.

𝙷𝚊𝚔𝚞: “UNDER” Keeping this mark on, a social performance. I will not forgive, there is someone I must protect.

𝚈𝚞𝚒: “UNDER” Dancing for the enjoyment of others, I've worked so hard. Shouldn't I be rewarded by now?

𝚁𝚒𝚗: “UNDER” Cherry blossoms fall in the spring. Time passes on selfishly but promises are absolute, that's right.

𝙽𝚘𝚊: “UNDER” I'm drowning in melancholy. It hurts so much and it's all my fault, why am I like this?

𝙺𝚒𝚢𝚘𝚜𝚑𝚒: “UNDER” My true colours cannot be shown. I'm running frantically, just a little longer...

𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚞𝚖𝚒: “UNDER” Like a macrophage, wiping out the threats to society. I simply did everyone a favor, I did nothing wrong.

_𝙸𝚖𝚙𝚘𝚛𝚝𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚌𝚘𝚟𝚎𝚛 𝚕𝚢𝚛𝚒𝚌𝚜

𝙸𝚌𝚑𝚒𝚛𝚘

Milgram: All-knowing and all-agony (Mommy, look, I’ve done great. “There there, my good boy!”) The entire song could apply to him actually, but this line...

DECO*27: Re:[repaint] (They told me the end is not to be found anywhere. They told me the beginning is not to be found anywhere, either.) He's had many existential crises like that, but nobody really bothered to comfort him properly.

Non-DECO*27: Hitorinbo envy (To you, and even you. To be blunt, I'm not really needed in this world, right?) Ichiro did try to get closer to the "stranger" in his house actually.

𝙰𝚔𝚊𝚗𝚎

Milgram: Bring it on (You apologize if you do something wrong, you learn that even before words, don’t you? All evil hypocrites should disappear.) She's been let down by a lot of people.

DECO*27: Streaming heart (Though I say many things, please try and seek out the real me.) Even a tsundere like her wants to be understood.

Non-DECO*27: Idola circus (We know, we know your true nature. Again putting on a fake face, you’re just like a pierrot.) I think she'd like most of Neru songs.

𝙳𝚊��𝚜𝚞𝚔𝚎

Milgram: Tear drop (Feeling magnanimous? INNOCENT? I’m so not that. Just shut it, will you? You know it all.) Yuno kinnie let's gooooo!!

DECO*27: Salamander (I surrender, I’m already hooked. I can’t function without you anymore.) I genuinely think that if he wasn't such a simp for his friend, you guys would take him more seriously.

Non-DECO*27: Casino (Stalked by memories that haunt. Hear them laughing, hear them taunt. Play the victim, run away from the words you shot.) This song is really catchy, it suits his cool vibe well.

𝚂𝚞𝚣𝚞𝚖𝚎

Milgram: Umbilical (Just the two of us I finally found it. The lies are endless. Just me alone, it really is lonely.) Ah, unhealthy relationships. We love to see it.

DECO*27: Psychogram (You’re too wonderful, I don’t want to let anyone else have you. Hey, if not me, who would you choose?) Ahem. This clue is obvious enough, right?

Non-DECO*27: Feast (Art should be full of cryptography and misleading. Is the answer you found out really an "ANSWER?") Oh, this line~!!! Here's one for the audience for a change.

𝙷𝚊𝚔𝚞

Milgram: Triage (The correct answer, I don’t yet know, but there are lives that need safeguarding.) The lyrics are a bit dramatic when taking Haku's situation as context, but it works well enough.

DECO*27: Nocturnal kids (You can sleep now. I’ll protect you diligently, after all.) This ties in with the scene in his music video.

Non-DECO*27: Blind egoist (In a dream I can’t wake up from, I feverishly want my feelings to reach you. I look at my body spilling over and offer up my meager ‘love.') What can I say? He misses his brother.

𝚈𝚞𝚒

Milgram: After pain (But I guess some of it is my fault. Maybe it’s ok as it is. I want to feel “alive”, is it ok if I breathe?) Her first Milgram cover was INMF. How the tables have turned.

DECO*27: Reversible campaign (Depending on this self that can't be saved, I cheerfully decorate myself with a fake smile. How are the tears of a damaged girl?) Ah, these lines sure suit her well. Especially after her guilty verdict.

Non-DECO*27: Schema (I am a hazardous person, a hazardous person, a hazardous person. I’m beyond saving. This dance beat vanished in sorrow.) Her self-esteem issues have been hinted at a few times now. The 'dance beat' part can also be a reference to her first song title!

𝚁𝚒𝚗

Milgram: I love you (My emotions are out of control, that’s inconvenient? I don’t care! Tell me, oh tell me why, won’t you just accept me?) Mahiru kinnie fr. His guilty verdict is starting to get to him, but not quite enough yet.

DECO*27: Candy Pattern (Trying to say “sorry”, but more than wanting to have you forgive me, I just want to be forgiven. I've turned into a spoiled child after all…) Some self-awareness from his guilty verdict?

Non-DECO*27: One of Repetition (I really did believe you, I didn't want to doubt you. I felt like we were drifting apart, but it was all a lie to begin with, we were never even close.) More insight into his relationship with Renho. :0

𝙽𝚘𝚊

Milgram: Weakness (I was in denial, I was in denial. I just had to make sure. I’ve become a victim, I’ve become a victim. My loneliness was desired.) This song fits her really well. Now she and Ichiro share a cover. :D

DECO*27: Coward mont blanc (These are all the feelings I have, I’ll only say them in this many words. I loved you, but it was a heavy burden.) Its not as bad as it looks, I promise.

Non-DECO*27: Nomad (If I'm stuck struggling here, at the bottom of my dreams, I'd rather consume this night whole for all I'm worth. Just stay by my side until I disgust you.) Her feelings towards her husband...are sadly complicated.

𝙺𝚒𝚢𝚘𝚜𝚑𝚒

Milgram: Cat (The beating of this heart... see... it’s no longer about good and bad... it isn’t. I realize the futility, but I still can’t help but dream.) Yes, Cat really fits Daisuke, but a big part of it suits Kiyoshi too. Mainly the lying and ignoring his feelings part. Also, old men. :D

DECO*27: Two breaths walking (The words I just learned become a knife that pierces through you, tearing your life to pieces.) Tbh I chose this song just to match his non-breath oblige cover.

Non-DECO*27: Non-breath oblige (I'll raise the white flag to the tyranny of the majority, suppress my ill feelings and say cheese.) He's such a people pleaser.

𝙼𝚊𝚢𝚞𝚖𝚒

Milgram: Purge march (I will deny you, a distorted vision needs to be purged.) Yeah, the song isn't out yet, but I think it'd suit her well anyway. She and Amane share a lot in common despite their differences. :D

DECO*27: Poison apple (Pretending you’ve changed, negotiating, you never learn, do you? You’re see-through, your loneliness is so obvious, kinda pathetic.) For someone who she never interacted with when conscious, she likes to think she understood her victim well.

Non-DECO*27: The world's filth (Is this what you call happiness? Let's laugh and scorn at this rotten world.) She isn't coping well with her guilty verdict.

𝙱𝚘𝚗𝚞𝚜: 𝙷𝚊𝚛𝚞𝚝𝚘

I've finally got his backstory in the works, so he'll have more of a personality from now on. But I don't have many chances to reveal his personality, so I decided to add him to this post. :D

Trial 1: 404: False Image (Sheesh, what stupid lies you choose! Are you trying to make sure of your existence? Just… Try your best to look for it. I wonder if someone will figure out what the true lie is someday.) The prisoners do love lying to him. And the mystery of Milgram hasn't been uncovered yet.

Trial 2: Matryoshka (Ah, I'm about to crack and burst, so I throw away all of my memories. Ah, I want to know, all the way to the bottom.) This song is so chaotic and catchy, perfect for him.

[dryadalismagicae]

@juneforged || Continued.

“ Your blood is far too young for you to lecture me about death, child, ” declares the beautiful, ever-shifting veiled visage reflected in the eluvian, whose pristine surface ripples with a profound sense of agitation as something old and domineering within June stirs, ardent in its desire to tell Senreth to kneel before his god, though he murders the words in his throat before they can be uttered. After all, a creature once (and still) believed to be a god does not shed his arrogance lightly. “ But you don't even know who I am, do you ? ” the fallen god's voice is rendered melodic with the pity and sympathy he feels, yet razor-edged with his agitation.

“ Ah, but of course you wouldn't. I suppose it's no fault of your own, truly. But all the same, I'll tell you a thing or two about death: Falon'din — and Ghilan'nain, whose vallaslin you wear — were as brother and sister to me. As for me, I've died, too. Twice, in fact, and yet here I stand — in a manner of speaking, anyway. So don't presume that you can lecture the likes of me about death. I've witnessed such death as the likes of you can scarcely hope to comprehend. Indeed, a less charitable interpretation would be that death was my craft, just as much as anything else. Just as much as my eluvians, which you're gawking at right now. Not that I blame you. They are rather nice, aren't they ? ”

“ ... But I digress. Tell me, child: have you come to me in this hour, yearning for the boon of a final, lasting death at the hands of a god ? I could grant you that, you know. Just as easily as I've granted it to thousands of others. Perhaps even millions. Terribly unfortunate, is it not ? ” He shakes his crimson-veiled head miserably, the fabric glimmering and moving in a manner that seems to defy physics, as well as the way it's affixed to his tall, three-pronged golden crown. “ Would you believe me if I told you that I'd greatly prefer for you live, and find peace ? It's what my sister would want, you understand... ”

"I offer no lecture." Calm, gathered; Senreth's words are not meant to scold unknown company but to instead reinstate the fact that though the extent of knowledge may differ greatly for one reason or another, there is shared understanding. How many of the mortal world can say they have perished, ended their tenure on the plains of the living only to find themselves returned as hale and as whole as Senreth himself-? He is not perfect, no - and he feels but a shadow of his past self but he is one of whom can recall death and every trial and agony of it. "...only understanding, as lithe as it may be; but I'm not one to work only on comparison. There is no joy nor comfort to be found within it."

How curious it was, to have come across the partially broken Eluvian in the depths of a Forest he knew no name for - or none that would be represented in the modern day - and to have found company pacing within. Through fractured glass does Senreth observe the being, no familiarity sat within consciousness and yet he feels as if he would offend if he admitted to it, so he doesn't.

In silence, as his company speaks, does he lay his blade down within the grass and join it - comfortably seated with legs outstretched and his back pressed against a low and rather aged wall, as fractured as he felt. For now, it supports his leaning, and he finds himself able to return his gaze back to the unknown in the mirror as responses continue. Curious ones, at that, but he keeps to his silence regardless of what is said. Senreth finds no joy in comparison - one struggle to another's - for it cannot be entirely compared. Woe was woe, suffering was suffering, the magnitude didn't matter. It ought not be experienced, regardless... and he feels only pity in the most sincerest of forms to those of whom have.

"You speak to me as if I am but an imbecilic, tiresome infant you've happened across." He thus chooses to comment, entirely ignoring any and all questions asked for the moment. Tired as he was, Senreth had long chose to derail conversations that were not offered on an equal level, or at least gave the understanding of such even if the reality was much different.

"I've experienced death, horrific and elongated as it was, but I have experienced it. Personally. I ought not remember it, mortal as I was, but here I am. How many times I ought have died since, in various ways, I have lost count of... the Fade does not take me back, and I know not why." Whatever magic had dragged him from his initial rest had evidently severed some kind of link, or caused some variety of block. He thought it revolting, agitating at best - it forced him to continue on in a world he had a hand in making worse through his own failures and oftentimes the understanding of such, especially when witnessing the plight of elves, becamme too much.

He's silent for a moment, eyes distant as they stare off into the distance as opposed to the being in the Eluvian, wondering if he was simply hallucinating company after so long alone wandering the wilds.

"You've granted millions of deaths-? By their choice, or by yours?" Which was largely him asking whether it was some variety of divine pity, or mass genocide, in a more round-about fashion. Even the thought of mass death made his un-beating heart sink further within his chest, the memories in which came flooding back of the condition of his fallen brethren, the innocents... they constantly weighed heavily upon shoulders. That war hadn't discriminated in age, even if it had in race.

"I don't come on purpose." He replies, otherwise falling back to his silence where he could contemplate. "But I cannot deny that a final death is tempting. I ought not be here as is... and I'm not certain I can carry the weight of my burdens any longer. I've done what I can to make up for those sins, but I fear they cannot be shed. I cannot face waking from another death."

The truth, in essence, is that he is tired. Having lived only to his mid twenties when he had been alive, Senreth had lay dead for several centuries before he had been forced back into the lands of the living and from there is had only been constant reminders of his failures, constant pain from the wound that ended his mortal life, never healing; constant woe, constant unending sadness... constant reminders of everything he had lost. And most of all, constant mortal wounds gained - pain experienced - only to not return to peace. He was stuck there, on the mortal plains, and the more war and bloodshed he saw, the more he wished he was back in his crypt, almost to dust, in Din'an Hanin.

"I do not believe I am destined to find peace. Not here." He has long casted his gaze aside, staring off into the canopy of trees, ears listening to birdsong. "Not after everything."

[nerossuicide]

I made this doll out of felt years ago named Beauregard. I made him so that I can beat the shit out of it when I'm mad.

I have been off almost all day. The inner anger is building. One of my parts, he is mad at me. He said I’m an ugly, filthy creature. Then he said, I hate you. I hate you, I hate you, I hate you, over and over. Then he said he was going to kill me.

He wants to hurt me physically. He wants to take something and hit my legs with it until my mind can come up with something, SOMETHING, some means of compromise inside, anything to not keep being pushed towards the brink.

And what is the brink? I am pushed over, and nothing happens. I reach the end of my sanity, and it feels like at that point you will just die because you can’t stand anymore, but you don’t die. You don’t just die from it. Still have to do it yourself.

I wait for it, as if I think I really am ill, and that my health is declining, and when I am pushed over the brink, that’s when I die of it. But it’s mental, not physical. When you exhaust your ability to find comfort and are instead just writhing in a continuous agony, thinking 'I’m dying', more, then more, you think ‘I’m getting closer to death.'

But it doesn’t happen. That’s the thing. That’s what it was when I was hospitalized for suicidality. When you’re tortured like that, you are steadily nearing an end. You cannot gravely torture someone into infinity, not that way. When you rip someone’s skin off, and you keep doing it, they will get nearer and nearer to death and die.

That’s how you understand it. It’s like there was an hourglass in my mind, and the sand was running out into the bottom. There’s only so much sand, and the sand will eventually all pool in the bottom, right? That’s not what happened. I died more and more into infinity. I saw the infiniteness of space in my head, forever stretching on and on and never stopping.

I am constantly dying, becoming more dead, so to speak, and yet the end isn’t there. A perpetual gasp.

And your mind stretches to accommodate the knowledge, because you didn’t think it was possible for anything, any living being, to hurt this much. You thought death would come to save you, if you hurt this badly. At least with waterboarding, you are given a break in between to breathe and vomit the water. Except in this case, it was perpetual drowning. It was straining for breath and not taking another, but you strain, and strain, and strain, and strain, and strain, and strain, and strain, you’re straining, you don’t stop straining, you are asphyxiating, but you don’t asphixiate.

The worst pain I’d ever felt in my life, the worst pain I’ve still ever been through, and how? I was only in a room. Alone in a room on my bed. Laying there staring into space. How can imprisonment be torture like that? How can it be being torn limb from limb continually, never running out of limbs or blood or breath?

There was the table, and the books I’d brought, the notebook, and my printer paper on it, and my colored pencils oh so carefully arranged by color until they just HAD to confiscate the bucket Mom had brought them in simply because the handle was a thin metal wire—which is dangerous, they said, so now the pencils were just scattered pell mell.

I don’t know what they thought I’d do with the handle. Beat myself to death with it? It was wire as thin as a bracelet cord. Probably would bend out of shape with one swing.

And Mom, smart Mom, she smuggled in my shampoo and told me to keep it in my shower so I didn’t have to ask staff to get it for me. How degrading is it to need to ask for your own shampoo and hold a little disposable plastic medicine cup as they poured it out for you? Soap, sir, may I please have soap?

Yes, I kept it secret so that I could use it as much as I wished. They couldn’t come into our bathrooms. But we had to leave the door open if we had harmed ourselves and were put on observation.

I’m surprised they didn’t rip out our teeth and nail beds. Far more common methods of self harming compared to swallowing shampoo.

[shewhoisfaithful]

With God Nothing Is Impossible

12/22/2024 - I feel guilty for pushing back on reading the bible. It’s hard to keep on track, so before I start, I always ask God to clear my mind.

Oftentimes, I forget to live like Jesus. I curse, I lie, I hurt people without them knowing. I am not proud of my actions and I know that each bad deed would come back to me hundredfolds. That’s why every day I try to be better. There’s just some circumstances that I cannot change right now.

I fought a lot of battles silently. No one knows about the sleepless nights and tear-streaked pillows. I never opened up to anyone about my agony. Only God knows cause I’ve asked Him to take me countless times. But my death is not yet written in my book of life. Jesus has plans for me. And no matter how dark and uncertain everything in my life is right now, I know that God will get me through it because with Him, nothing is impossible.

[roguestarsailor]

My god what a lousy night

Got woken up by persistent screaming. It seems like one of the unhoused folks got their money taken and was screaming so loud and in agony. My heart hurts for them and I’m so frustrated by this city and all its policy to make sure it’s miserable for all but a select few (rich). It’s sucks and it is upsetting.

Then I just was up. My heart was pounding too much. I ended up just getting up to use the bathroom. Right before then I was like let me just let the room stay dark in case I want to go back to sleep again and so I stumbled my way to the bathroom (and also realized the main door was unlocked so I locked it) and when I came out my lights were on! I stood there looking at my room and just so confused. I don’t recall flipping the lights on and now I’m lowkey scared. Did I really do that? I don’t think so but I’m so unsure.

Now I am keeping my small light on for safety and comfort. Getting a nightlight I swear. To think I thought I was finally going to get a proper 8 hour night rest…no such luck.

I contemplate moving again. It’s much easier to stay and I don’t anticipate my rent going higher so it might be the move. However there’s so much issues here that I cannot live super comfortably. 8 hour sleeps are hard and it’s not always me lollidadoling before bed. However idk where to move that doesn’t mean living with a roommate(s).

[j0yceque]

Day 39: "How can a person know everything at 18, but nothing at 25?"

Imposter syndrome, quarter-life crisis, deeply embedded negativity—I've all seen it happen, learned a lot of lessons from those who survived it, and yet, here I am in this blackhole of self-made misery and agony. While this seems like a dark start to a journal post comeback, it's the current reality I'm facing. I used to runaway so far from these thoughts and feelings, but I'm at a point where I've reached the end; I'm done, and I want to make changes.

I feel I owe this space some updates, so let's get to listing:

— I'm officially done with living alone era. For now. February of 2024, I moved in to my 3rd apartment although it wasn't long 'til I left it because of cockroach infestation (and if you know me, I'd rather die than live in a place with nearby 'roaches). I moved back to my partner's family house in Marikina and left some of my things in our family apartment unit in Manila. While it's not the living situation I imagined, I'm just eternally grateful to be surrounded by loved ones who are willing to let me stay over while I figure things out for myself. Yes, I do acknowledge that privilege.

— I resigned from my full-time job of almost 4 years. March of 2024, I left the corporate world and rested. It was a much needed time off to think and redirect myself. "Do I want to try a different career path or should I focus on freelancing?" So far, I'm blessed to land a client (who's also a great friend) and keep going with my part-time job at my partner's family business. Both of which are what keeps me afloat financially. I'm hoping to get a few more projects and eventually also have a new full-time job (so close, onto submitting my sample work this week).

— I'm prioritizing more content creation for my passion projects. It seems funny that I used to be so intimidated pursuing my love for creating content, but all roads lead to this. I've been putting out more content on my personal and miniature account, and hopefully I can share more works on my portfolio as well. What keeps me going is this quote I read somewhere from the depths of the internet: "If your past work doesn't make you cringe, even in the slightest, then maybe you haven't grown at all."

What's next? I despise this question, and yet, I cannot deny the fact that I love having a solid plan for anything and everything. Right now, some of the things I'm also focusing are selling our house and lot in Bulacan (hit me up if you're interested), achieving the 6-digit income challenge, saving so much that I can survive with its interest, spending more time with my family and friends, and maybe traveling and working abroad soon? We'll see. Hopefully, the next update is just around the corner, and these are all ticked off my list—manifesting that hard!