#I am grateful for all the 'blessings' I have learned from my dad to make for people I loathe <3

[sins-of-the-sea]

"Unfortunately for me or the Crew, if we kill cops, that's more souls feeding the Master, so... I'd rather not.

"Though there is this one time Phoebus back in about 1690 made all of the teeth of this one notably corrupt patrol officer fall out, except one... and that one would be in constant pain no matter how much medication he'd put himself in. And when that officer would go to dentist to dentist or any some other way to pull that one tooth out, the tooth would resist and threaten to yank off the man's jaw instead. We left him in that state for the rest of his life. It was glorious. Inspiring, even.~"

Indeed, Josep and Frascona are less "To the Death" and more "To the Pain".

[floridaboiler]

Open Letter from Dad to Son

Dear Son,

I love you. There are some things my father taught me growing up that I have the honor of now passing down to you. Below is a list of life lessons he taught me mixed with other lessons my path has given me. Read them, think about them and use them to help guide you through your life…

– The golden rule “Treat others how you would want them to treat you” and your loved ones. – Our actions will always speak louder than our words. We must be an example of what we say.

– Give. Give as much as you can. Give from your heart. Give without the need for recognition.

– Be Humble. Let others talk about your success, not you. People appreciate Humble. Being Humble will make it much easier to handle the ups and downs life will give you.

– Girls are special. Treat them with respect at all times. Open doors for them. Pull out the chair for them. Give them flowers just because. NEVER forget special occasions!

– No matter someones ethnicity, athletic abilities, religious beliefs, political beliefs, where they live, what they wear or what they look like, they are people. Treat them with respect.

– Surround yourself with people of integrity.

– Be a leader. Be an example. Always use your critical thinking skills to come to your own conclusions.

– You will come across many different attitudes in your life. Learn from them about the type of person you want to be and the type you don’t want to be. They all have a purpose.

– Find ways to make a difference in the lives of others. Lift them up. Help them believe in themselves and remember a thousand words of encouragement can be ruined by one belittling comment.

– Beware of your pride and ego. You must control them and not let them control you.

– Take charge, don’t wait for others to do things for you. Success is dependent on YOUR attitude, effort, creativeness, consistency, work ethic, perseverance/grit and trustworthiness.

– When you fail, and you will fail, don’t get bitter, find ways to get better.

– When problems occur, before blaming and making excuses, you must look in the mirror first. Evaluate your actions and choices with sincere honesty. Be accountable for your actions and decisions.

– When everything around you is chaotic, you must be able to keep a clear mind to make the right educated decisions. Practice this often. Breathe.

– Hate will take years off your life. It clouds our judgement and prevents us from seeing the whole picture. Beware of this powerful emotion.

– Protect your family and never be afraid to stick up for others. As much as we don't want to believe it, there IS evil in the world. Always be on your toes.

– Be fearless, be thoughtful, be kind, be passionate and be grateful everyday as tomorrow is NEVER promised.

– When you speak, speak with compassion AND brutal honesty. Sometimes it’s hard to do and difficult for others to hear but necessary for transparency and sincere relationships.

– Stay off your phone while driving. NEVER follow the car in front of you too close and always be aware of what others are doing around you.

– Your mother loves you more than you can imagine. Never fail to realize how much she has done, and does, for you and your brother and sister. When you are out on your own, make sure to be in touch with her often.

– The biggest test for you one day will be when your own child is born. It will test your mental toughness. It will test your relationship. It will force you to really grow up.

– Clean up after yourself, take care of yourself, eat right, make exercise a part of your life, do household chores and push your chair in.

– Never underestimate a firm handshake and eye contact.

– THE most important and toughest job you will have in life will be raising another human being. You will make mistakes but the most important part is learning from them so you can one day teach your own children from those lessons. You are a blessing. I am excited for what lies ahead for you. Life is precious and we never know how long we have. Make the most of what it and enjoy every minute. Son…I Love You. Love, Dad

source - https://x.com/BaseballDudes48

[ncts-baes]

[ 🩰 ] . . . jiwon’s profile !

basics . . .

name: lee haneul | 이하늘

english name: mia lee

nicknames: neulna, babysitter haneul, ballerineul, han-bit (rabbit), sky, summer blessing, summer queen, waterbomb goddess, wonienonie, 1st ji.

birth: 1996/08/06 | leo

birthplace: ulsan, south korea

residence: seoul, south korea

nationality: korean

mbti: enfp

blood type: A+

languages: korean (mother language), english (basics-learning), japanese (fluent)

family: grandmother and grandfather

career . . .

stage name: jiwon | 지원

positions: main vocalist, lead dancer, visual, face of the group, center, co-leader

representative emoji: 🩰

debut date: 2016/04/09

debut song: the 7th sense (nct u)

drama debut: 2015/04/09 (exo next door)

dramas she participated: business proposal – 2022 (shin hari), true beauty — 2020 (im jookyung), exo next door — 2015 (ji yeonhee), he is psychometric — 2019 (yoon jaein), my demon – 2023 (do dohee)

appearance . . .

face claim: kwon eunbi (soloist, ex-i*zone)

weight: 46kg (101 lbs)

height: 162cm (5’3”)

body modifications: 4 piercings in each ear and two tattoos – left rib and nape of her neck.

social media . . .

instagram: leemoneul

weverse: I AM 1NIE

facts . . .

– she has a strong gyeongsang-do dialect, which often ends up with the members thinking she’s angry or annoyed by something whenever she talks with her accent (it often happens when she’s drunk or tired, she tends to talk with the dialect then).

– she’s considered one of the most successful female soloists in kpop, seeing as every single one of her solo releases since her solo debut have been trending on and off korea.

– she did ballet at a young age, which helped her during her teenage years as she would teach it for the younger kids as a way to make money.

– haneul tends to ‘mom’ the members whenever she can. even johnny himself once said that she would prepare medicine, cook, do laundry and even tidy stuff after them. during the early days - even now, let’s be honest - she would prepare the younger ones’ lunch for school.

– jiwon became a hot topic after one solo performance at the water bomb festival, as people went crazy with her body proportions and confidence on stage. she was named the “waterbomb goddess” by netizens.

– she’s a brand ambassador for vivienne westwood and people went crazy when she was revealed as such. jiwon really fits the vibe of the brand and people can’t help but be in awe of her whenever she appears dressed in the brand’s clothes.

– she’s currently in a relationship and people love her boyfriend, they are public and their relationship was revealed at the annual dispatch couple reveal during the new year.

– as her mom was never really in the picture since she was really young and her dad left when she was only 17, haneul basically raised herself. she never really mentions her parents and no one really know anything about them. though, haneul’s really grateful for her grandparents who were there for her whenever they could.

– jiwon often mentions that she wishes her childhood was different, which is one of the main reasons why she tries to take the burden off the younger members whenever she can. so they can have a somewhat fun childhood, differently from her.

all rights reserved © ncts-baes, 2024

[ryuwonieebae]

𝑯𝑼𝑮

---------------------

𝐒𝐄𝐎𝐊𝐌𝐈𝐍(석민), Imagines, One-shot

Genre : Fluff, Mild angst(?)

Pairing : Dad!Seokmin x fem!reader

Warning : use of pet names

A/N : This fanfiction is purely based on my imagination only. It's totally fictional. I hope this is good enough to make you guys happy. I'm still learning to write creatively. Thank you for supporting me. It means a lot to me. Thanks to my besties too<3...

Seokmin makes up to you and your daughter after breaking his promise

---------------------

"Girls! I'm home–" Seokmin stopped in his tracks as soon as he saw his daughter standing in front of him with her tiny hands crossed across her chest, shooting dead-like cute glares at him.

Widening his eyes, he plopped himself on the spot, kneeling with his hands waving frantically, up and down repeating the same words again and again.

"I'm sorry࿏⁶"

At that moment, you sauntered into the living room tentatively only to catch a glimpse of your husband apologizing constantly for forgetting his oath. No words came out of your mouth, like of course who wouldn't be flabbergasted after seeing their husband like so?

Myeong broke out into laughter and dashed to her dad. Throwing her arms around his neck, she clutched on him placing a kiss on his cheek. You wend your way towards Seokmin who was struggling to stand up. You took his brown coat and his backpack and attempted to tread away not uttering a word to him. But his hand was instantaneous enough to get a grasp on yours.

"Sorry I forgot about taking you and Myeon out on a family date and you have all the right to be mad at me. But I'm really sorry. Look–"

"It's okay"

Even though you feigned to be fine, Seokmin knew better. That it wouldn't be enough to wash away the disappointment on your face. Guilty feeling surged in him as he followed you, who was heading to your bedroom.

"I told you already. It's okay"

"No! It's not"

"Then? What do you want me to do? As I told you, I forgave you"

A resonant sigh escaped your mouth at Seokmin who was giving you a repentant look nonetheless of what you tell.

"It's not your fault that your job kept you occupied. No wonder the promise you made slipped off of your mind and it's not a big deal"

"It is y/n!"

Seokmin was being more dramatic than usual. Well, what can you anticipate from Lee Seokmin? But you got by heart that he's putting together an effort to make up to you.

"You know what? Since you're too sorry I'll give you a punishment"

"Hehe. Baby, I was just fooling around. Am I not too handsome to get a punishment?"

"Just sing for me and our princess until we fall asleep. That's more than enough"

"Are you sure it's a punishment, sweetheart?"

"Be grateful that I didn't make you sleep on the couch"

"Okay okay fine"

His captivating eye smile made its way to his face. It made you feel better after days. The genuine smile you fell for.

You positioned your head on Seokmin's lap as he gradually glided his arm around your waist allowing you to make yourself relaxed. Myeon on the other side plopped her tiny body on her dad's chest smiling like sunshine which she already is, keen to listen to her father sing her favorite song. Hug.

Seokmin knows that it's your comfort song. His euphonious voice was sufficient enough to make your ears feel blessed. It was so hauntingly beautiful. Smiling ear to ear you were pleased with every single second of it. As he finished the song with a faint high note, he peeked over at his girls who were already in their caratland. No words could define how grateful he feels now.

---------------------

[sailforvalinor]

So, I am back in the States!! HUZZAH, I am so happy to be home. But now I can talk a little about where I was, I’ve been living in Greece for the past three and a half months—so much happened that I don’t know how exactly to talk about it, so here’s a few of my favorite things:

THE RUINS. OH MY WORD, THE RUINS. I wanted to be an archeologist as a kid and I was living her DREAM. There are kind of just ruins everywhere, I was seeing them all the time, but of all of them I think I’d have to say that my favorite was either the ruins at Delphi or Ancient Corinth. (Y’all, I probably saw Paul’s tent shop.)

The coffee is absolutely fantastic there, you can get a good latte or cappuccino at any restaurant almost guaranteed. They also have amazing chocolate croissants, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to eat one in the States again. There is also the gift from heaven that is Lemon Coke, it comes in a solid yellow can and you can find it just about everywhere, restaurants stock them along with their regular Coke half the time. It is SO good and I don’t know what I’m going to do without it, and putting lemon in regular Coke is NOT the same.

Among other things, I got to take Greek Mythology, which was by far my favorite class of the semester. (Also, coincidentally, I took my final the same day that Percy Jackson premiered. Weird.) I also took Greek, which I did alright in. One of the most interesting problems I ran into with it was that my pronunciation was far better than my vocabulary, so anytime I’d greet someone in Greek (because I didn’t want to sound like a dumb American), they would usually assume I was fluent and start speaking to me in rapid-fire Greek. And then I’d have to shamefacedly ask if they spoke English 😂

The cats! There is an absolutely ridiculous amount of stray cats in Greece—I’d usually pass no less than three just on my way to the coffee shop. I wasn’t a cat person previously, but this semester might have turned me into one.

I found an absolutely wonderful church, as well as a Bible study with a ton of girls my age, the latter of which was something I was lacking growing up.

In general, I feel like I gained a lot of confidence on this trip, both in a broad sense and spiritually. For our Christmas Eve service today, my dad asked me to talk about a Christmas poem since I’m so passionate about poetry (I got to blab about Gloria in Profundis guys!!!), and it occurred to me afterwards that there was no way I would have been comfortable doing that before I left. There was a lot this trip taught me, but one of the greatest things I think I learned was how to be an independent member of a church without my parents. They’ve always told me that they wanted me to make my faith my own, which of course I’ve always understood, but that’s a little difficult when your dad is the minister. Being halfway across the world really forces you to be independent and weigh your own priorities, and having to make the active choice every morning to get up and take the hour-long trip via often uncomfortable public transport to church, to talk to people and make friends and not be antisocial and hide in a corner, was really good for me. I found myself becoming way more comfortable with both talking openly about my faith (something that used to terrify me) and just talking to people in general.

There was honestly so much on this trip that could have gone wrong, but it didn’t, and I’m so grateful for that. It of course wasn’t all sunshine and roses (the living was, shall we say, challenging), but there were so many moments where I felt God blessing me with something and going “Hey! This is for you! I’m giving this to you on purpose!” and I got so much comfort out of that.

All of that said, I am VERY happy to be home.

[mosneakers]

[🔉]

Dearest Morgana, Please accept my apologies for the delay in my reply. These little ones keep me perpetually occupied, and with Erik at work during the day, finding a moment of respite can be quite the challenge. I am endlessly grateful for the second chance I've been granted with my husband and the gift of our two beautiful daughters. I often find myself pondering the mysteries of fate, wondering why such blessings have been bestowed upon me. In these years, I've learned that human understanding often pales in comparison to life's unpredictability. Hold onto hope, dear friend, for life has a way of surprising us when we least anticipate it.

With that being said, while I thank my lucky stars every day for my blessings, reading your letters is like reading a novel I can't put down. You have managed to move two striking men -brothers!- into your estate with you, the very same one you shared with that wretched Thornton? Oh, tell me more, I beg of you!

The Darling sisters are thriving! Baby Persephone Prudence can be quite fussy at times, but Gwendolyn is as jolly as can be, in the company of her father, often glued to the television. Though I would much prefer to see her with her nose buried in a book, like her mother, her happiness is paramount. I must acknowledge the blessing of that modern invention—the television. Yes, Gwendy-Louise is making remarkable progress with her potty training, and Persey has uttered her very first word just recently, the same as her sister: "Da-da," of course! They seem determined to ensure their first words are reserved for their father, despite myself being the one that tends to them most of the time. Erik often jests that it's simply how things are meant to be, given that they are his daughters. He insists that we will need a son if I ever wish to hear my child's first word be-

Seymour raises his shaking hand, and allows it to plop onto the letter, interrupted Kirsten's reading. "...Mom."

With a gasp, Kirsten spilled the old photo albums and letters onto the floor and brought her hands to her mouth in shock, as if she's just seen a ghost.

Kirsten: [Stuttering] B-boys... did you just hear that? Your grandpa... he just... spoke... He just said "mom." Charm: Wait, that wasn't you, Grandma? I thought you just took up chain-smoking!

Kirsten: No! It was him, you guys! He really did it! The first time since his accident, he said his first word!

The Darling brothers sprung from the bed, flailing around in a frenzy, panicked with excitement.

Brick: Bro what? I can't believe it- We gotta tell mom! Charm: And Dad! And all of the Aunts! We gotta tell everyone! Yesterday! Be faster dude!

Kirsten: Oh, Sy. I thought I'd never hear that voice again. My sweet darling!

< Previous Next >

[auro-cyanide]

Okay. So new year. You can do this literally whenever you like, but I like doing reflection and orientation for my life at this time, maybe cause it’s the weird limbo time before everything starts again. Life is short, and sometimes shorter than you expect, so I want to make sure mine is what I want it to be, despite and because of everything. Reflections below!

Family: Not going to lie, last couple months have been hard with so many deaths. Losing mum was the hardest by far, and learning dad has cancer isn’t helping. But! I am so so grateful I got to spend so much time with her before she went. I am so proud we kept her at home until the very end. I will never ever regret that. From this, I hope I can keep my patience and continue to protect and care for my family through all the hard times.

Work: I got a promotion I was hoping for when my boss unexpectedly left. It’s been going really well and I feel comfortable with the role while still feeling there is lots of room to grow. I am looking forward to the challenges and the growth that comes with that. I’m looking forward to maturing as a person.

Hobbies: I have LOVED learning new things recently. I was honestly surprised I enjoyed sewing so much, and I’ve enjoyed learning all the new things. I thrive off of that stuff. In terms of random, I have missed Mob Psycho. First fandom, and I haven’t found anything like it since. My passion for it subsided as friends lift it, but it still holds a special place in my heart and I’m just wait to find the spark again. I miss having friends to enjoy it with. In the meantime I have been enjoying the… comic sub-genre I have been enjoying, whatever it is. Go Villains are destined to die! I’ve gotten time to be able to draw more which has been a blessing.

Home: I honestly enjoy sharing a home with dad, but I am looking forward to having my own space again. I’m not looking forward to going through the process of buying a place again, cause it’s awful, but it will be nice to have a bigger place where I will still be close enough to dad to look after him.

Love: Have gotten more and more comfortable with being aro/ace. It’s nice, it’s comfortable, I don’t feel so much pressure to conform like I used to. I’m worried about my friend circle but generally I’m comfortable being alone for now. I have drifted away from a lot of friends because we were bound by shared interests rather than shared lives, but they are what they are, I am still grateful for the happy times they gave me.

Health: I'm pretty healthy in general and grateful for it, but I definitely haven't kept up with exercise with everything going on. Something I can definitely improve on in the new year, starting with walking.

World: While looking after mum I didn’t have the energy to think beyond that, so I think it will be good to think through how I can help more as I recover from that. I want to donate blood more, I was to volunteer and donate more. I will have to find where I want to spend my time and energy,

I look forward to doing my best in the new year. I hope I will be a better person come the end. Happy New Years to everyone.

[anuka98]

Prison House

The neighbors wave, they know my dad, A man who helps out when he can. They call him generous, brave, and kind, The finest sort of gentleman.

My mom is at the church each week, She prays and serves, her faith is strong. They say our family is so blessed, A house where everyone belongs.

But when the front door closes tight, The smiles and laughter fade away. I have to watch each word I say, Or face the price I have to pay.

My father’s word is always law, No matter if it's wrong or right. He says the blackest thing is white, And I can’t dare to put up a fight.

At school, the other kids take things— My pens, my books, my lunch, my space. I want to tell them, "That’s not right," But I just smile and keep my place.

If I stand up, if I fight, If I insist on what is fair, I know the cost when I get home— A voice that chills me like cold air.

The teachers think I'm just polite, A quiet kid who follows rules. But my silence is my armor Against the harshest of the fools.

Some classmates think I'm easy prey, They push, they trip, they call me names. I hold my tongue, I stay unseen, I know that here I have no claims.

I'd love to play with other kids, To join the team, to score some goals. But changing clothes, it makes me cringe— A fear that wraps around my soul.

It’s something that I can’t explain, A shadow from a past event. I'm just a kid, I don't know why It makes me feel so hesitant.

I watch the boys at school get dressed, So casual as they laugh and joke. But me, I keep my shirt on tight, Their ease feels like a cruel hoax.

What happened at home still haunts me, Though I don't have the words to say. I wish I could be brave like them, And shrug my heavy fear away.

Mom says I should be grateful, That Dad is not like other men. He's sober, steady, not a drunk, And that's why we depend on him.

She says we need to understand, That he provides, that he works hard. He's not like others who waste cash, On drinks and games or fancy cars.

But I don’t see how that explains Why Dad gets angry when he’s calm. Why sober hands can leave such marks, Why sober words can do such harm.

At least the other fathers fight When they are lost in hazy booze. But mine doesn’t need a drink To make me feel that I can’t choose.

He hits and shouts with clear, cold eyes, And doesn’t care how much it hurts. He acts like he’s the perfect man, But inside, he’s a cruel curse.

The relatives come by sometimes, They bring their gifts, they laugh and eat. They talk about how Dad is right, That discipline is no small feat.

They say, "Spare the rod, spoil the child," Like it excuses every hit. But what discipline comes from screams, From tearing charts, destroying it?

Dad doesn't like my history books, Says I should focus on the math. But school requires all these things, And shouting is the aftermath.

What good is discipline like this, Where learning feels like battle ground? When every step I try to take Is met with harshness, sharp and loud?

The relatives say I need rules, They justify Dad's angry ways. But all I see are broken dreams, A path that’s filled with endless haze.

At night, I lie awake in bed, The house is quiet, dark, and still. I think about the day that passed— The empty words, the hurt, the chill.

I try to find a place to hide, A corner where I won't be seen. But every sound, each footstep heard, Reminds me just how small I've been.

I wonder if I'll ever find A place where I can truly be. A home that's filled with warmth and love, A home that's free from cruelty.

But here I am, in walls that press, A world that doesn’t let me grow. No matter how I try to laugh, I feel this emptiness below.

[dangerousperfectpill]

12.31.22

Last day of 2022! It has been a good year. Lots of ups and downs, and many very big changes. I feel like this year I learned so, so much, and I am honestly so proud of myself. I feel like I learned so much and came such a long way. I do more things for me, that interest me, without caring about what other people think. I still struggle, but in 2023 I hope to adjust my vision so that I can better addresses the emotions and struggles I face.

So many of the things I used to only dream about are coming true in my every day. That is incredible! I am a 4.0 student. I am loved, I have an incredible group of friends. I have freedom. I do things for me. I am so grateful because watching myself blossom with my environment makes me so happy. I thank the Universe for everything it has given me. For the laughs, for the smiles, the triumphs, for every supercharged emotion that has made 2022 as memorable to me as it is. Everyday I grow to be more like Julie, like Ashley, like my mom. I have the most incredible women in my life to look up to. Everyday I grow closer to my dad, and I have been able to watch the disdain I have for him melt away and be replaced by a bond that only occurs when two souls are one in the same.

So thank you for everything.

Now, when I wake up in the morning, it will be the new year. 2023!

Things I will bring into 2023:

The friendships I hold closest.

My GPA.

My curiosity.

My drive.

My family.

My loyalty to myslef

Things I will leave in 2022:

My binge eating disorder.

Fear of the future.

Self sabotage.

Laziness.

Bitchiness.

Lack of motivation.

What I want more then anything else: to leave my binge eating disorder in the past.

From my core, for every time I have cried, dug into my self loathing with a fork. For every time I have felt alone, misunderstood and disgusting. I will with everything in me to leave this lack of control behind in 2022.

I visualize a life of true happiness. One where food isn't always in my minds eye. One where I don't restrict and one where I don't binge. One wear my diet is normal, satisfying. One that makes me happy.

Though I am scared that regardless of these words I will fall into old habits like I have, I release those fears. In the past I have been able to accomplish things I thought to be impossible. This is no different. I leave things that make me sad and disgusted in 2022. There is room for only beauty, happiness and blooming in 2023. If I want to, with all my heart - and I do, I can stop binging. And I will. Everything will work according to this. I will stop binging. I no longer will binge because it self sabotages and makes me feel more isolated and alone then I feel before I binge.

I have been able to manifest everything else I want. I am beloved, intelligent and happy.

If i can manifest everything that I have wanted in the past, I can manifest this. For truly, being able to be free of this four year nightmare and struggle would be the biggest blessing 2023 can offer.

Dear 2023,

I cannot wait to see the magic you have in store.

I have a feeling that the happiness you are about to provide will be something beautiful and unmatched. A product of all my hard work and life experience up until this point. I embrace every challenge you give me with open arms, lovingly I enfold every day in my embrace, for every single day is a gift.

Thank you.

[xtrishacrisrn]

Hey, it’s been a while

Life lately has been so interesting. Before I even started composing this post I had went through my previous blog posts. I admire the 2017-2018 me, I was so inspired and it was so beautiful. I was all fired up with things and testimonies in front of me. I do miss those days, it’s bittersweet but I am extremely grateful that I had gone through that phase of my life. 

Looking back..

2019, I graduated with my Nursing degree and passed the board exams. Best day of my life. My smile everyday was ear to ear, seeing my folks so happy made me so happy too. I have always wanted to make them proud. I may not be the perfect daughter nor I don’t have the most perfect family, but I swear I love them unto the ends of the earth. I love my family (including friends) so much -- they have been there for me. They’ve witnessed all of my ups and downs. I thank God everyday for introducing me to such wonderful people. 

Same year, I had to go back to the US after graduating college. I needed to move to a new town which is in Tucson, Arizona (desert life). Basically starting from scratch, which I don’t mind. I always look back and reflect to what my Dad has instilled in me which is facing every obstacle and waves life may give me -- it shall pass.

I’ve started working in a hardware. Can you believe it? What do I know about handyman stuff? I had my professional hard earned degree with me, but I had to swallow my pride and start somewhere. There was a love and hate relationship with that job. Whenever I encounter customers wearing scrubs, I tend to get envious and inspired thinking that someday that will be me too... as I assemble wheelbarrows and load bird food to their cars. It was a fun and cool job after all. I love the people whom I’ve worked it. I hope they’re doing good, they’re amazing creatures. 

2020, this year is also an interesting one, pandemic hit the whole world. I had to quit my hardware job because of the fear of getting sick and transmitting it to my folks who are of advanced age. I didn’t mind being unemployed because at the same time I was studying for my NCLEX and not even paying rent yet. It took less pressure off of my schedule, but I was also losing money. Then I’ve decided to look for another job which was being a Rehab Nurse Tech. Like finally, a healthcare related job. Humble beginnings of my nursing life. Since it was a hospital job + pandemic, I needed to move out of my parent’s house. I’ve found this pretty one bedroom apartment unit which was 50 steps away from my mom which was awesome. The tech job was a challenge, I never worked night shift -- I did this to be able to afford rent and bills. Gladly, I survived and same year I passed my NCLEX! 

2021, I landed to the my first hospital job working as a Registered Nurse. It’s such a privilege having this job. We get to meet different types of people coming in and out of the hospital. I was still working night shift, in which I got tired of eventually. I can definitely say that this profession is my calling. I am so thankful for having the gift and blessing of having so much patience, being so understanding, and always being so compassionate. It fulfills me to be able to help other people during their most vulnerable times. Nursing has a good team, I love my coworkers and the diversity that we formed. 

After all of these, I know that at the end of the day I’m just not a “nurse” that some people identify me and asks me weird things. I don’t mind sharing, but I know that there is much more beyond who I am. I love who I am. I love writing -- in my other life I would be that journalist/writer who just loves to write until she’s tired and out of ideas. I love inspiring people. I love giving them hope and share that there is so much more for us to learn. We are all students for life. I am extremely grateful to the people who has been helping me and had contributed to mold me become a much more wiser person. I am so eager to inspire most of you. You are great, you have so much to do in this world. Enjoy the winding and fun journey of the so-called “life”

[thebutlers]

Year In Review

It is 9:00 PM on December 29th and I am sitting in my bedroom with painted nails that are drying. I went sparkly to ring in the festivities of New Year's and our upcoming trip to Mexico. I wanted to take some time to reflect on this last year with some questions I found on Pinterest and thought this would be the perfect time to start the blog up again...

My word for 2022: Celebration

Best thing I did for someone else this year: Although it was very mutually beneficial, moving in with my dad was something that I think really helped him. Being in our family home alone probably feels very lonely and so I am very glad Makoto and I lived with my dad during my pregnancy and the first four months of Kenzo's life.

Most memorable moment of the year: Although there were many moments that are in the running, I'd say the 24 hours between having my water break and starting labor. I feel like that time period is seared into my brain. From FaceTiming people telling them my water broke, quickly packing up our bags, spending a few hours in the hospital, deciding to go back home, going back to the hospital the next morning, almost having an emergency c-section, having family visit the room, to the start of more serious labor. It was a wild 24 hours.

One great compliment you received this year: One that I get over and over is that I am my mom's legacy. I so badly wish she was here, but to know that so many people see my mom in me and know that I am making her proud really gives me peace.

Best advice you received this year: I feel like one or two moms told me to trust my gut and I feel like that has been something I keep coming back to when it comes to parenting Kenzo and even other areas of my life. Things like co-sleeping, pureé feeding, all the affection we give him. Somehow it just feels instinctual to know what to do for Kenzo.

Something you had never done before: I haven't felt like I've truly led something before but when we said yes to leading at YWAM Denver I feel like we had to step up. We are in charge of setting culture, making the final call on decisions, and having people look to us. It's been very stretching to not only learn how to lead a base, but learn to lead people as well.

Favorite place you visited this year: We didn't travel too much this year. We went to Oregon, California, Colorado, and Mexico if I'm not mistaken. Obviously Mexico was my favorite. Between the stunning sunrises, my favorite people, and being at a resort I'd never been to, it was just a great time.

Biggest lesson learned: God doesn't owe us anything and that gratitude is always a choice. After mom died I wrestled with the why's and the frustration of her not being healed, but God is still good and His nature is good and so I don't have to understand why He did something if I know those things to be true. Also, it is very easy to find the negative or to focus on what you don't have but there is always something to be grateful for and there are usually way more good things happening in your life than there are bad things.

Most newsworthy event: Accepting the position of campus leaders of YWAM Denver. It is still crazy to me that this is our life and yet at the same time it's hard to imagine us doing anything else right now. I am very thankful Mak and I get to be in full time missions again and that we get to be in Colorado while we do it.

What/whom are you most thankful for this year: I am most thankful for Kenzo but that is so obvious. He changed my life. After him I would say that I have come to feel very thankful for my church family. I am blessed to have been able to walk with them for twenty years now and have such consistency with them. I look around on Sunday and am filled with gratitude that I am a part of this church body.

Favorite show of the year: I continued to watch the rest of the series of Gilmore Girls at the start of this year and then Mak and I got into House for a few months. I'm rewatching GG since we moved onto the base and that's been fun. I love that show!

Favorite moments of the year:

+ Biking from our house in HB to Pacific City or a bench across from the ocean to think and read and journal.

+ Styling our basement apartment at dad's house.

+ Dad visiting HB and us going to the San Diego Zoo and whale watching.

+ Doing the babies course with Haylee.

+ Saying goodbye to my mom in the hospital.

+ Mom's celebration of life service.

+ Our trip to Mexico.

+ My walks around the pond with Kenzo.

+ My first date with Kenzo when we walked around the city.

+ Our stay in the hospital after Kenzo was born.

+ Doing silver sneakers with Haylee with our instructor Ken.

+ Our yard sale in HB as we started moving out of the house.

+ Our date day in Portland where we went to Twinings tea, got our favorite ramen, and the best Portland fog donuts.

+ Mak getting a tattoo of my name.

+ Moving onto the base.

I'm sure there were many more memories than just these, but these stood out in the few minutes I've sat here thinking about it.

In my next post I'm going to look forward to 2023!

[theblondegoesabroad]

Day 96 - Three years in Belgium - a recap

Friday 4th November 2022

Words cannot begin to express how grateful I am for these last three years in Belgium. Not only did Belgium become a place to stay but a home. A place where there have been many ups and downs, tears and laughter, relaxing days and full on sport, pandemics and rule breaking, beer and boulets and everything in between. Everything that makes a place change from just an area on a map to a place full of connections, emotions, memories, a home.

I came to Belgium unsure, I was just out of uni and finally making money, enough to even start thinking about the kiwi dream of buying a house, and who was I to give it all up and move to the other side of the world with only the invitation to stay with Benoit and his family as a motivation. Was Belgium really that good? Did I really want to try find a job where I would have to perfect my French? Was Benoit – my Belgian model – really all that he cracked up to be? Would his family like me? And worse, would his sister like me?? Understandably there were doubts, pros and cons lists, questions, but in the end, late in May 2019 I jumped on a plane and headed off on my adventure. And honestly, I can tell you that Belgium was nothing like I imagined it to be. It was better.

It started pretty nicely, I arrived, Benoit picked me up in a very fancy car, (turns out it was Joelles), we had a quick hello with his family, then I napped for the afternoon, and woke up to a dinner party where I met Pablos flatmates and one of Benoits cousins, from the start, although jetlagged and overwhelmed, it was a good beginning, these were good people, and I began to feel my doubts fade away and just maybe, this was the right decision for me. Fast forward three years, and here we are having the same types of dinners with the same people, everyone coming to see us, but not because they are curious about Benoît’s Kiwi girlfriend, but because we are now leaving and those initial hellos developed into deep friendships, oh how time flies. These last few weeks have been full of dates, midday and evening, and climbing in between, I have never had a social calendar so full, and although I was sick, and was probably only awake due to the many cups of coffee per day consumption, I feel blessed. Blessed to have people to visit, share a final meal with those close to us, and to relish in the beauty of their friendships. Every invitation has touched me deeply, from dinners with Benoits family friends to the last shepards pie at the flat. How lucky we are.

We have had an eventful few years, and ones that I will never forget. Summer of 2019 was a busy one, Joelle and Paul were travelling quite a bit, which gave Benoit and I the chance to get comfortable together in Sprimont and for me to feel comfortable in my new home. We then had the major initiation into sport with my first camping holiday with the Tyber-Henry group. I suffered and missed the GnTs at the lake relaxing in the sun. But everyone was friendly and seemed to give me credit for my knack for learning peoples names. At least I had that going for me, as the sport wasn’t as easily learnt! Then we had a whirlwind trip around Europe with Jamie where we travelled all over Europe in a fastpaced adventure. For the coming years, I was so grateful that I was able to share a European experience with my little brother before covid hit, and although I regret that Mum and Dad never got the chance to visit us in Belgium, so I could share my life with them, at least Jamie got to experience it with us, heat wave and all.

Then covid, the confinements, the rules that nobody could keep up with because they changed pretty much every week, the constant working from home environment, the frustration with the regulations and incertitude for when it would all end. I considered briefly heading back to NZ at the start of covid, it seemed like all the kiwis abroad were heading back home, but I made the choice, albeit a tough one, to stay in Belgium with Ben and his family. Turns out it was another good decision as despite my job, I love my life in Belgium. The confinement’s just brought the family closer, and I love how close we have all become thanks to the many days and evenings spent in each other’s company.

Summer of 2020 and 2021 – although there was full covid regulations in place we managed to fake ourselves a few covid passes and we all headed back to our usual camping spot for summer. Luckily for the two years of covid in Europe they decided to ease back on the regulations each summer which mean we could go back to where it all kind of started for me, the integration into the family and the sports that I now love, a true area for comparison. Each year, our love for climbing grew and my connections with the family strengthened. 
Apart from the camping holidays, the big family reunions, secret covid parties/Christmases, and clandestine climbing gyms, we had so many lovely memories just at home, learning about each other, discussing life, repeating discussions that we had already had many times (much to Benoits pleasure), encouraging Jo to let Nazgul into the house for his final months, learning to crochet and sew, eating mince in every preparation possible, going for runs with Jo and Sophie, laughing about fake handicaps at Esneux, having an open beer fridge to all climbers that felt like passing by, heated crypto discussions, our famous Friday night pizza nights, being treated to breakfast in bed in Autumn with a fracassé au pomme, making soap, the occasional waffle on a Saturday morning that Paul would bring back from the markets. All those little things, and so many of those little details that make leaving so much harder.  

What started out as a questionable idea, turned out to be the greatest decision of my life, not only have we experienced so many wonderful memories, I have formed relationships that run so deeply my heart is heavy with the thought of having to have said goodbye. I have often said that I was grateful to be living with Joelle and Paul (for many reasons) but mainly for the fact that now we know each other so well, we can talk and laugh about anything and everything, and now I look forward to seeing them again as much as Benoit does. It was an absolute pleasure to be able to spend these last three years together, to become part of the family. To find a sister and best friend in Marie, a confident for everything, and someone who I will miss having in my life day to day. To find someone to relax, climb and laugh with in Paul, who is always keen to light a fire in winter and crack open a beer in summer (or any season for that matter). To find my running buddy, fellow sewing student, and salad maker in JojoRabbit, who has taught me many things about myself and life during these last years. And to find Pablo, probably the opposite to me in personalities, but someone who I admire for his enthusiasm, self-assurance, guru advice and kite surfing lessons. And recently to Clem, a fine addition to the Henry clan. And to everyone else, the list is too long to site here, but everyone we have met from our climbing friends, Benoits childhood or scouting friends, our village and the extended familes. Each person has helped make these last few years better, each connection, each smile, each moment spent together, are memories that I will cherish. I don’t think I have the proper words to sum up such a period of my life, three years jam packed with experiences is too hard to describe with just a few paragraphs, but I am thankful for everything that I have been lucky enough to be a part of and I can only hope that this phase of our lives is not finished with a full stop, but a comma, in the hopes that there will be more to come. So for perhaps the final time... Love Kate xxxx ,

But wait there is more, although theblondegoesabroad will be finishing, Benoit and I have now even more “fans” in Belgium, so we will be starting a new blog together in NZ to keep everyone updated with weekly updates on our life – see you there - Kenovele.tumblr.com

[treadmilltreats]

Surviving the holidays

This time of year is wonderful, the weather gets cooler, people seem nicer, and it's a season of peace and joy. We actually hear of kind acts, and it warms our hearts.

Yes, it's all of that and more, but let's be real here. It's stressful as hell. You have to figure out where you're going to get money for presents, for food, you have to go and see relatives you don't like, or entertain a house full of people who might not be appreciative.

You might be alone or maybe with someone who you no longer want to be with. You might have bad memories from seasons gone by, there might be a lot of things going on, and for a lot of people, this is definitely NOT a season of peace and joy.

Recently, I was getting stressed, I work a lot, 12 hours a day most days, and I was thinking how was I going to do all of this, get everything done in time.

Hell, I can hardly get the normal things done, like cleaning my house or putting my clothes away, and now add shopping, wrapping, grocery shopping, making the sauce, and then lasagna, shells and more! Where the hell am I going to find time for all of this?

I also started thinking about Christmases of the past and how much I miss my family, my mom and dad, and the other people who are no longer in my life, and I started to get sad. Life changes... ready or not, like it or not, this is life. Yes, it was all getting to me.

So I decided I have two choices (see there is that choice thing again) I could wallow in my sadness, stressed out, not looking forward to the holidays or wishing they were over already or I could decide that I can't do everything, if some things aren't perfect so be it.

That even if this is not where I thought I would be, or that I can't change or bring back the people I miss, so I have to do what I tell all of you, I have to be present in the moment. I have to remember all that I am blessed with, I have to be happy and grateful as it could have been another way.

I have a home, I have my girls, I have a business I love, we have food and money for gifts. I have family and friends who I love and who love me. I have a support system in my church and my church family, I have faith... I have so much to be grateful for.

Yes, I may not be where I thought I should be, I may not have everything I want, I may not have all the money in the world, but I do have peace and joy.

Anytime when I stress or when anxiety gets to me, I remember how far I've come. I remember all the past Christmases that I didn't celebrate, all the tears I cried, the years when I didn't think my life was worth anything, and I was planning on ending it. Yes, who would have thought what a few years would do, how it can change everything.

It is that that brings things into perspective for me. God kept me here for a reason, my girls need me. I have a purpose, and even though I might not think I am where I am supposed to be, it is where I need to be now. There are lessons I still need to learn.

This keeps me going, look I know it might be tough now, you might feel alone, you don't think you have the strength to survive one more day but you do, you have it in you. You can't imagine how your life can turn around in a second. In one day, everything can be different.

So today, my friends remember you have the power to change things, and for my change, I decided to yet again open my home up to any of my friends and family. Hell, I even posted it on my Facebook page, open door policy, come on over to my house, bring a chair and your appetite because I know how hard the holidays can be alone or with people you don't want to be with. Let me tell you, it was wonderful. To give fills your heart with joy.

So remember you can change, you're not perfect, you don't have to be or don't have to have everything, you're stressed, so change... let it all go....live in the moment, be grateful for even the small things, the bigger things will come later, its okay, you will survive and you will survive the holidays as well.

** I know this is a tough time of year so I will be putting this number out there for all that needs it...I have been there and I know how dark it may seem especially during the holiday season, there is help, it will get better...I am living proof of

"This too shall pass"

Please get help. Call today:

National Suicide Hotline: 24/7

1-800-273-8255

"Be the change you want to see,"

@TreadmillTreats

[filmyypeople]

‘Entering Glamour World after marriage and two kids was risky but I was determined’ – Priyamvada Singh

30th Oct, 2023 I Richa Devesar I Filmyy People

Thinking about a career change at the age when you have reached a certain position professionally as well as personally and on the top of it when you are a married woman and a mother of two! Not very often, we get to hear this!! Basically, we are so engrossed in living life in our so-called Safe Zone that most of us can’t even think of taking this risk, let alone doing it, for the simple reason that  we are scared and the doubt of ‘what if i fail’ makes this (career) shift all the more difficult. But when Priyamvada got in to this situation, instead of thinking about failing she said to herself ‘what if i fly?’ She went ahead with this conviction and within just one week of sharing her portfolio, she was signed for a movie called Gone Kesh, wayback in 2018.

After doing MBA, B.Ed and PhD in English Literature and teaching for over 10 years, Priyamvada Singh had guts to try her luck in the glamour world at the age of 35. She is currently playing Farha in Katha Ankahee and Sushma Bua in Do Chutki Sindoor. It must not have been an easy ride for someone who had no connections in the industry. And the fact that with less than 5 years in the glamour World, this vivacious and cool lady has done lot of  interesting work, makes her journey all the more interesting. Let’s get to know how she did it all and what actually prompted her to explore her instincts. 

Entering Glamour World at 35 must not have been an easy step. Tell me who all, would you like to thank, for supporting you in this decision?

My family has been the strongest support system for me. My Dad, my mom, brother, sister, my husband and kids…. It was because of their support that I could not just think about this career-shift but could also make it happen.  It really isn’t easy for a married woman to start acting after a certain age and stage in one’s life. But my family has always stood by me. Without their support it wouldn’t have been possible, for sure. I see a big smile on their faces and a twinkle in their eyes when they watch me performing and I love that. It is so satisfying to know that they are super proud on my achievement. My 14-year old daughter Adwitiya, 9-year old son Adbhut and my brother Mukund who’s just cleared UPSC exam, they  jump with joy and shower me with complements on my look, hair, costumes, everytime they see me on screen whereas my husband Anirudh who is a banker, my sister Shikha, a cop and my Mom and Dad check on my performance. And I’m so grateful to God for this blessing.

Tell me more about your Mom and Dad so that we get to know about your inherited talents? Well, my father Dr. Yogendra Singh Chahar is an International Level Wrestler and my mother Ms. Meena Chahar has got a beautiful voice and if I tell you about her dancing, its like… even if she is listening to some song for the first time, she wouldn’t skip a beat. I have grown up seeing all that. So, getting in to sports and being creative came naturally to me. I was a national player of Hockey and Badminton in my school days. And dancing, although I could not learn it professionally for some obvious reasons but I feel, I’m quite good at that and I enjoy singing too.  

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And now I am intrigued to know your journey right from childhood. So, tell me what kind of kid, Priyamvada Singh was?

As a child I was a big entertainer like.. during family gatherings and functions, I used to be the one who would imitate actors, speak filmi dialogues, crack jokes and dance a lot.

Talking about childhood, which are your best memories?

Small cities, I feel have lot of warmth, care and people know everyone so well. I miss the festive season of Sehore (in MP) a lot (where she has spent her school and college days) especially Ganesh Chaturthi. I still remember, Ganesh Chaturthi was one festival, I used to look forward to. Participating in competitions and winning prizes, it used to be such big fun. This is one of the most fun memories of my childhood that i cherish and tell my kids also.

Have you been able to be in touch with your old friends? Absolutely, infact my friends say that you haven’t changed a bit as a person even after becoming an actor. I still meet them for get togethers, family functions, whenever I am in Bhopal where my parents live. I feel earning name, fame and money is one thing but bonding and relationships play a very important role in our lives. I feel how can those people with whom we have discussed and shared our dreams, not be a part of our lives when we attain those dreams.

How would you describe Priyamvada?

I am very observant and may not be very talented but hard working, for sure. I started my acting career at an age when people have already attained and have become what they want to be. Although, I did have this pressure initially but still went ahead with my decision. So, now I feel I don’t have any time to waste. I am always very focused, working very hard so that I get appreciation for my work. Also, I’m a quick learner.

Did  you ever do theatre or participated in drama during school or college days? No, never! I have never participated in any drama during my school and college days. But yes, in school annual functions, I used to participate in dancing, quiz  and speech but never acting. And honestly, never really got time to do all that professionally because studies, job, marriage, kids kept me pre occupied all these years.

Talking about your entry in to the acting world, which people and co-actors really helped you in becoming a better actor.. so to say?

This is one field where we get to learn from each actor we work with and that’s been the case with me from the time I started my acting journey. First of all I would like to mention my dear Casting Directors Neha Singhania, Aditya Surana, Vishal Gupta, Nazia and Jigar. They have made my acting journey so so easy by giving me great opportunities. I will always be grateful to them. Then comes, Sandeep Sikand who was the producer of my earlier shows Bahut Pyar Karte hain and Lag Ja Gale. He is one of those producers who actually sees the talent of a performer and if he feels the actor deserves more, he would create more opportunities for that actor so that the actor gets a better chance to showcase his or her talent. These people have a great role to play in my acting journey.

I have really been fortunate enough to have got chance to work with best of directors and producers and actors and talking about my co-actors I would like to mention few names. First one is Manav Gohil, a very senior and flawless actor and an amazing human being. Observing him was my very first experience of seeing how an actor can make a written scene look so magical and perfect. I got a chance to work with him in my very first daily soap Shaadi Mubaarak and ofcourse  I was very nervous and anxious but the way he guided me and involved me in the scenes, was just amazing.

Then comes Samar Vermani, he is again one of the coolest and sweetest guys I have ever known and above all, he performs with lot of ease, a master of his craft and so effortless at the same time. While observing him, I realized that if son is like this, then his mother should also be like that. As a result, I improvised a lot in my character.

Gagan Anand is one more actor who has inspired me the most. I worked with him in Lag Ja Gale. His character was negative and so was mine as I was playing his wife. Gagan is a Punjabi and as my character was also Punjabi.. I was able to pull that character so well because of his guidance.

Beautiful and very senior actor Dolly Mattu is one actress, I have learnt so much from. Such a graceful lady, a natural performer she is. I observed her a lot and after seeing her perform, especially emotional scenes I challenged myself and my performance got better.

Anjali Mukhi..what a beautiful performer and human being is she. Unfortunately, we didn’t have much scenes together in Katha..Ankahee but I observed her a lot. The way she experimented with scenes, added her inputs was just a treat to watch. I just hope, I get a chance to work with her again.

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So, now let’s talk about how the transition of a Lecturer-to-an-actor, happened.

You know, switching career at this age is very risky and if one is thinking to enter in to glamour world, its way more riskier. Noone from my family is from films, infact we have got nothing to do with film industry. But God has really been kind to me.  I was born in Agra and did most of my schooling and graduation from Sehore. Then after marriage, I did M.B. A., B.Ed and then PhD (in English Literature) from Bhopal after which I started teaching Personality Development Skills in an Engineering College in Bhopal..where I taught for 10 years. What happened was that in 2018, we shifted to Mumbai as my husband got posted here. That’s when I decided that since I love acting so much, why not give it a try. I might fail but then what… if I fly?  I have not had any training so I am not a trained actor, but what i feel is everyone already has that X factor. With training, it gets more polished.

How was the experience of getting your first acting assignment?

Within one week of sharing my portfolio and audition videos with casting directors, I was selected for Gone Kesh which released in 2019. I played the character of a boss of the leading lady. It’s the story of a girl suffering from Alopesia and how she overcomes this disease. My character plays a very important role in her journey. It was a very positive character and I loved playing it.

And what about Mamatva? I have heard it’s a Braj Language movie. How come you know this language so well?

One strange thing happened. Gone Kesh was the first film I signed but it released later and the shooting also started after I signed Mamatva, a Braj language movie. I played a grey character in the movie and villagers feel she is jinxed. I was very comfortable in speaking Braj since my Mom is from Mathura. But facing the camera for the very first time was a bit tricky for me, atleast on the first day but then with my director Keerti Singh’s help, I was able to understand it all, the very second day onwards. Actually what I had in my mind was that as soon as the director says Action, I have to start acting but my director told me no..you don’t have to act..you have to feel the character from inside. So, from second day onwards, I was able to grasp everything and acting was no more ‘just’ acting for me. It all became like… being that character.

 Tell me about your first TV serial?

In the beginning of my TV career, I did this serial called Nazar where I had a cameo and it was very interesting role. I was a part of the group that was doing mermaid hunting and it was quite interesting. Then Crime Patrol came my way where I not just acted but tried my hand at writing story, and dialogues also. Infact, it used to be one of my very favourite serials before coming in to this field and I was thrilled when I got a chance to write as well as act in it.  Infact, I also got an opportunity to write for a serial called Laal Ishq which received a very good response from the audience.  

Your first Daily Soap Shaadi Mubaarak (2020) was shot during Corona time, how tough was it to shoot during Covid days and how was the whole experience? Yes, Shaadi Mubaarak was my first daily soap. It was a great experience but we had to take lot of precautions. With sanitizing and mask on, sometimes things would get a bit difficult. But, the whole experience of doing this serial was mind blowing. I had wonderful co actors whom I’ve grown up seeing, so naturally, I was nervous for first few days but then all awkwardness was gone as nobody made me feel like a newcomer.

Which is your favourite character out of the ones you have played so far?

Farha ofcourse, is my favourite character for the simple reason that its very realistic and Farha is very much like me. Its like playing myself on screen. Sometimes even my family says that Farha sounds exactly like you. And second one Lag Ja Gale as it was very challenging for me to play a negative character. I started getting hate messages for this character on Insta and got a bit disturbed also but then my daughter told me Mumma, you should take it as a complement, it simply means that you played your part really well. That’s when I realized, ya that’s so right.

And now about Katha..Ankahee. What do you have to say about your co actors?

I consider myself really lucky that I have got a chance to work with such great actors, our whole team is simply amazing and we all have a great bonding. The magic, the bonding that you see on screen comes out in such a beautiful way because every actor is such a beautiful person from inside. You know being a good actor, good technician is one thing but to be good with everyone is really commendable. Whether its Adnan who is an extraordinary person and a brilliant actor or Aditi who is so humble and a great performer. Bidisha is multi talented and a very dear friend. Then Samar, he is the most amazing and chilled out co-actor, I have worked with. Our director Ravi is one of the finest directors I have worked with. We all enjoy each other’s company a lot and everyday we get to learn so much from each other atleast that’s true in my case.

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Your and Bidisha’s friendship is amazing both onscreen and offscreen. So, did it start with Katha only or is it Mission Over Mars?   You won’t believe, we met on Katha’s set for the first time and you are right we both acted in Mission Over Mars also without even knowing it. We were really not aware of each other’s presence in MoM as we didn’t have any scenes together. Its only while shooting for Katha, we discovered this fact.

Since there are so many females on the set of Kathaa..Ankahee, is there any competition or insecurity among all?

Well, I don’t want to sound politically correct but frankly speaking, nothing like that happens. Infact, we are always appreciating each other so much. We are so happy about each other that there is no such thing like competition or insecurity or anything like that.

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Apart from Katha Ankahee, you are doing Do Chutki Sindoor also. Tell me about that.

It’s a Shashi-Sumeet productions with whom I did my very first daily soap i.e. Shaadi Mubaarak. I play a negative character in the serial who is Bua of the main lead. It has been a great experience so far and the best thing is that I was locked for a positive character but during the workshops, the director thought that I would be able to pull off negative character very well. So, the character I’m playing in Do Chutki Sindoor is of a woman who is very greedy, mean and cunning and can go to any extent to prove her point. And I must say that i am having a great time with my co-actors.

Is there any particular character you want to play on screen?

As such, I don’t plan things and I’m always content with what I do. But yes having said that, I would love to play a cop or a don type character, a powerful character that can scare people. (and she laughs)

Which are you favourite childhood serials?

Pallavi Joshi’s Aarohan which was about a girl who joins Navy was very inspiring. Another one was Sarabhai Vs Sarabhai. And out of current serials, I love watching Asif Shekh and Deelip Joshi in Bhabhi ji Ghar Par Hain and Tarak Mehta Ka Ulta Chashma. One strange thing, I would like to mention here is that shooting of Tarak Mehta Ka Ulta Chashma is happening in Filmcity where I shoot for Katha but I never feel like going there.. why..because somewhere I have this belief that the society exists somewhere in reality  and I don’t want to break that myth. So, that’s the level of liking and attachment with this serial.

Who are your favourite actors both on Television and films?

My all time favourite actor is Sridevi. She is one actor whom I have, grown up watching. Infact, my way of understanding a character, emoting and performing, the essence is somewhere or the other, inspired by one and only Sridevi. She has not only inspired me professionally but she’s had a great impact on my personality as well.

Bryan  Lee Cranston is another actor, I appreciate a lot. I watched his series Breaking Bad on my brother’s insistence. This actor, I feel is the most fabulous performer I have ever seen in my life. If ever I got a chance to play such character, I would definitely take his reference.

What message you have for your fans who appreciate you so much?

I am so grateful and overwhelmed with the love, the audience shower on me, when they complement me and even when they send me hate messages because somewhere, all this convinces me that I have played my part well. And in that case, whether my audience loves or hates the character I play, I am always grateful that they are with me, I am always grateful that I am being appreciated for doing what I love doing the most. And I will always try my best to entertain my lovely audience.

[carlacachu]

Tempted to say “Lord, ibalato/iregalo Mo na po ito please sa akin”. Then I realized how His ways, His plans are better and beyond mine and imagination combined.

So Lord, let Your will be done po.

2 years ago today, I learned I was removed, or should I say “kicked out” of the program I joined and worked so hard for, for almost 3 years because I failed to comply the necessary requirements. It was a PhD program in an equally prestigious university here in the Philippines. I should say, though, that it is the university’s requirement that we do not fail more than 1 subject; otherwise, we’re out. And it all happened in the First Semester of the pandemic.

I originally planned to enroll only 1 subject because work is even more demanding than it usually was. But my professor persuaded me, but really, I felt coerced to take the other subject alongside the only 1 I meant to enroll. Honestly, I found it terribly challenging to focus that time. It was not that I was constantly home that made it hard and prior to that I was often out somewhere studying because it was easier for me to focus then. But the fact that my Lolo (grandfather, my dad’s side) who had a history of sexual assault that really affected me to my core.

I posted my story way, way back about my history on this subject. But as a person who had not really healed from this experience, my grandfather living with us due to his condition placed my mental health in jeopardy. I barely stepped out of the room if not for a quick pee or the need to take a shower. I had a hard time sleeping because I felt the need to stay awake all night so he wouldn’t be able to come in and harass me. It eventually led me to filling up my bedroom with lots of plants, painting it all white from 10:00pm until 5:00am, redecorating and all to make the room my home; the safest place I could ever be. I stopped joining family meals because I can’t bear sitting next to my grandpa. And while my dad wasn’t aware, my mom was. Because she knows what happened to me in relation to my Lolo’s criminal past.

Alas, before the semester ended, I had to take an F from the only subject I originally planned on taking. It was because I was lagging behind on the requirements and my professor, while kind, also had his deadline. The other subject, however, since I was able to submit a few papers before the closing of their system, I was given an INC or incomplete. I could still make it. Or at least I thought I could.

Eventually, I got married. We initially planned to hold the wedding later in 2021 but my then-boyfriend-now-husband decided we’ll pull the dates closer to sort of ease me from my burden. Before we were even wed, my Lolo was sent off to live with one of my aunts. Months after I got married, though, things took a turn for the worst.

No longer detailing what happened, because believe me when I say there’s so much to say about it. So many things happened; more sad days than happy ones, until I received an email from the university registrar saying I am kicked out of the program due to my failure to comply.

I messaged my other professor, the chair of the department, and showed her the message and only responded with, “I’m sorry. Perhaps a different program is more fitting for you.” I sent my professor an email and he expressed his sincere apologies about it. There was nothing they could do, actually. It was all my fault.

Maybe I wasn’t mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and maybe even physically prepared for it. PhD, after all, is a huge leap. And this leap caused me to lose my self-esteem even more because I felt out of place all the time. But that’s for another blog, I guess.

2 years later, here’s me. Trying again, in my early 30s. God has placed the desire in my heart to pursue this and I pray He will bless it too. I pray He will always keep my heart and mind on His hand always that I will remain focused and strong enough to finish this.

This is why I was grateful to have lost the other job.

At my now-only-fulltime job (teaching), I am given the convenience of lessening load although it is still demanding as ever. I feel like this is the Lord removing my ‘negotiables’, the things I can forgo so I am prepared to take this on. I’m praying that this notion is right.