#I am going to draw Phos like this now and nobody can stop me

[asherenjoysart]

I like to imagine post-winter Phos being freakishly tall. They’re already canonly a bit taller than the other gems because of the alloy heels (if I remember right), but I need them to be 7ft tall. Absolutely towering over the other gems. This doesn’t make sense (the alloy wouldn’t make them THAT tall) but I don’t care, I just need them to be so tall that they can’t fit through doors. And since Cairngorm is canonly the shortest gem, just a tiny bit shorter than the others, Phos can and will lean on them whenever possible. It’s simply in human nature to lean onto those shorter than you.

[clovapatch]

One Year

TW: Talk of Suicide, Suicidal Ideation, That Whole Jazz just really heavy shit.

About a year ago today I made an attempt on my life. I had notes written out, I had planned the entire thing out and I didn’t tell anyone. I didn’t think that anyone would take me seriously or like. Care. In the past, when I expressed how upset I was about things, I got laughed at a lot or I was ignored, especially by my parents who refused to understand the gravity of what was going on. I genuinely felt like nobody actually wanted me around and everyone would be a lot happier without me in their life. I just didn’t want to be alone anymore, and I wanted to stop being a burden to everyone I met.

After it happened, I tried to reach out to a lot of people to at least get my mind off of it or to not be so lonely, but nobody was around (granted, it was like incredibly early morning). I have vivid memories of sitting on the tile by myself at 2 am that night, and every now and then I’m haunted by that feeling. I don’t bother leaving my room past 1 or 2am if I can help it.

It’s really tough thinking about that. So, I think what I actually want to do is talk about what I was able to do in this year after I survived.

I made some friends

I quit the team with the coach who was abusing me.

I got to spend an entire semester acting my heart out. I never got to be on the stage before.

I tried Harissa Chicken.

I had an apple. I forgot how much I loved them.

I tried Chicken Bacon Ranch Pizza for the first time. It might be my new favorite pizza.

I tried ganache and Pho for the first time. I also tried chicken parm sandwiches, chicken pesto mozzarella sandwiches and had my first panini.

I made and rigged my own vtuber model from scratch.

I was invited to my first party and did a group cosplay with my friends (FNAF, I was Bonnie)

I started roleplaying and playing Minecraft again.

I learned I’m actually a pretty decent builder… and I have a sculk curse.

I got back into voice acting.

I fell in love with drawing again.

I got my first ever true commission.

I really fell in love with vtubers. Hololive Advent and Hoshimachi Suisei really just hits different.

I learned how to make pizza from scratch.

I switched my minor to double major in Biology and Psychology.

I had the most fun job ever as a pancake chef. They dubbed me the Pancake Queen.

My coworker would talk all shift about memes, internet drama and vtubers with me.

I learned how to make an omelette. And pumpkin pies.

I learned coconut flour is not good for pies.

I got to plan and participate in so many fun Minecraft events.

I learned how to edit audio and edit videos.

I conducted my own research project.

I swam for the first time in years.

I was part of a true stage production for the first time.

Tried out Mario Kart for the first time!

I got to climb a belltower.

I had a birthday party. I turned 22. I never thought I would make it that far.

I went back to the hospital. Wahoo.

I made gnocchi for my irls for the first time from scratch. (They loved it)

My mentors hugged me and told me that they always believed in me. One offered to write me a letter of recommendation anywhere I went.

I showed my friend my favorite anime. I got to watch more anime with more friends.

I picked up my cap and gown.

I dressed fancy for an event and Phthalo offered we throw our own dance party in our room when there was no seating for us.

A neuroscientist praised my research and scientific mind.

I wore pins of my friends on my gown for graduation. I wore my favorite green dress.

I got to graduate from college. I walked the stage for the first time. (My friends cheered for me. Phthalo was there with me. He said he was proud of me).

I got to visit a True Crime Museum. I got to learn more about forensics

An IHOP we went to gave me a very doctored up milkshake to celebrate my graduation.

I got to meet up with family friends again. They treated me like one of their own.

I felt loved.

My mom gave me clover cookies.

I got invited to a swimming pool party.

I went to visit my Grandparents. They took me on stage and I felt my dreams spark back to life again.

I coached a baseball team for an entire season.

I coached my first solo softball lesson.

I watched Hololive English Justice debut. ERB and her past life is the reason I started acting in the first place.

I held a duckling. It fell asleep in my hands.

I got my hair cut. It finally looks like something a bit more like I want it to be.

I learned more dance choreography. I realized I really love dancing.

I submitted my research paper for publication.

I have been able to read some tweets in Japanese now. The QSMP taught me I can read some Spanish and Portuguese.

Got my passport lol

Laughed so hard I cried for the first time in years.

I ate ice cream with my friends.

I did Art Fight for the first time this year!

I signed up for my first ever gift exchange.

I got invited to my first ever DND campaign. I have always dreamed of being in one.

I showed a friend my written works. I’m inspired to write more for the first time in years.

I found a reason to wake up every morning.

I allowed myself to dream for the future again.

I still to this day credit Phthalo for saving my life. He is my MVP forever. And I thank people for being so chill with me. It’s nice to not feel so alone even if it’s just for a little bit. I am definitely not healthy by any means, but I think that where I am is a lot better than where I was.

I don’t have anything else much to say. I guess if you read this far, thanks for listening. Jury’s still out but I’d say at least some of it was worth it.

Tldr: I lived bitch.

[randxmthxughts]

“I’m not mad, I’m furious”

AU w/ Shawn Mendes

Genre: Angst, but also fluff?

Word count: 1613

Short description: Shawn gets very angry and jealous of you so he storms off in the car. The conversation really heats up and you can’t help yourself but snap back at him.

Author’s note: There are a few curse words but besides that I find this work to be kind of funny. If you enjoy seeing mad and jealous Shawn then definitely read this. I am putting this up before going to sleep so I can wake up to some likes or reposts. I hope to see some by the morning, tbh, haha.

 (the gif has nothing to do with the text, I just love it)

I can feel Shawn trying so hard to keep his anger inside, but he can never have his feelings go unnoticed. He quickly opens the front door of the car for me and patiently waits until I get in, to close the door. A few seconds later I hear the slam of the driver’s door, and he is in the car putting his seatbelt on with one hand while starting the car. I decide to remain silent for a few minutes to give him time to cool off before saying anything. Angry Shawn is the worst Shawn. If he snaps, then everybody should just run as far as they can. Nobody can calm him down. Usually, his mom, dad, Aaliyah or I don’t affect him, but others just make him angrier. The last time he was this mad Andrew tried to talk him down by getting mad back at him; tried out a new technique, but it didn’t work out, and everything ended up with Shawn leaving the studio and not coming back until the midnight. The guys working in the studio didn’t know how to react; they have never seen the happy ray of sunshine, nicest guy on the planet, to steam up this much and even be rude to Andrew. Nobody knew whether to leave the studio or wait for Shawn to come back. At first, I thought Shawn had anger issues, but in reality, he is just a very positive person, and he likes to keep bad do himself. Most of the times those bad things either make him sad or very rarely come out as anger, but oh boy, when they do, it is not good. Although he can be silent hours, if somebody says something provoking, he is gonna have a terrible comeback at the person. He cursed Andrew pretty harshly last time.

    I kind of had an idea why he is mad, but I didn’t expect him to get this angry. To be honest, the idea of him driving right now freaked me out a little. As the minutes passed by I was trying to formulate a correct sentence in my mind. Shawn was grabbing onto the wheel with all of his ten fingers, fingernails digging into the material. He was completely focused on the road, jawline, and cheekbones defined as ever. He looked hot, but he also had a hot head. And in case I forgot to mention, hot-headed Shawn is an actual madman.

    “Shawn?” I begin and notice him clenching his jaw.

    No reply. I breathe in and continue.

    “Is something bothering you? Did I do anything to make you mad?”

    Again. No reply. His fingers tighten around the wheel.

    “Can you at least say something so I can make sure you are hearing?”

    He doesn’t react, and I can imagine him boiling up even more inside. I reach out to his right hand and lightly touch it with my fingertips, to make sure that he still allows me to touch him. I have never dealt with an angry Shawn in a place which he can’t just leave. He doesn’t move, so I take it as a “yes” and take his right hand off the wheel and quickly slide my palm into his, lacing up our fingers. He still doesn’t move, eyes concentrated on the road, perfectly operating the wheel with his left hand.

    “When are you gonna stop being angry?”   

    “I’m not angry” he quickly replies not giving me any sort of attention.

    “Rude,” I say referring to his tone.

    “I’m furious,” he says looking at me for a second, taking my breath away.

    “Stop, you’re making me scared.”

    He ignores me and clenches his jaws one more time. He also tries to let go of my hand, but I don’t let it happen and tighten up my grip. I then slightly take his hand near to my face and kiss the back of his hand and his knuckles.

    “You’re kinda hot when you’re furious, FYI” I smirk at him and see his immediate reaction; his eyebrows raise up, the mouth opens up a little, and he turns to look at me in a complete confusion focusing on my face for a few seconds.

    “Hey! Watch the road” I say, and he quickly draws his eyes back to the road, which is pretty much empty.

    “So where were you? Are you still being furious?” I ask him letting go of his hand.

    Shawn doesn’t move at all. His hand remains hanging down; he doesn’t even put it back on the wheel. We don’t talk for a few more minutes.

    “Are you actually going to tease me after flirting with that douche?” he suddenly turns to me and pulls off the car on the side of the road.

    “Are you kidding me? What are you doing?”

    “Answer.”

    “You’re out of your mind, Shawn, if you think I was flirting with him,” I say with a slight offense.

    “I am not blind!” he leans closer to me, making my heart race a little.

    “Then you’re fucking dumb” I breath out.

    “I thought you were different.”

    “You actually being serious right now?” now it’s my turn to get mad “You really gonna be jealous of me showing fucking directions to a random guy?” I raise up my tone.

    “You weren’t just showing him directions, but also joking with him in a flirtatious way. I saw everything, don’t you dare to lie to me” he gets back to his seat and grabs the wheel with his hands again.

    “You know nothing, Shawn. Stop jumping to conclusions. So what? Am I not allowed to laugh at a joke anymore?” I turn my body completely to my left to face him better.

    “You don’t just laugh that hard at a joke that a stranger makes until you’re interested in him.”

    “So just to know, should I also get this mad as you are now when you’re smiling whenever you see a girl come up to you and ask for a pho-?” I burst out.

    “That’s different!” he cuts me, “These girls don’t hit on me as that douche did! And I never let myself to hit back on them.”

    “You fucking idiot!” I breath out “Do you actually think that the girl yesterday who came up to you, completely ignored me and asked for a picture kissing you on the cheek, wasn’t hitting on you? Or that time we were in the Starbucks and a group of girls started complimenting your biceps?”

    I see Shawn defeated and he looks at me in awe. I did it. I won over Shawn Mendes.

    “Ugh...I mean, they are my fans. Some of them might not only like my music but also like me. Isn’t that possible for them to find me attractive?” he says slightly offended still keeping his voice higher than usual, which drives me insane.

    “Isn’t that possible for other guys to find me attractive too?” I come back at him with the most sarcastic voice.

    “But you don’t see the difference!” he says letting go of the wheel “You’re flirting back, I am not” he claps his hands as if stating his sentence as a fact.

    “No, you don’t see it! When a fan or whoever comes up to you and compliments you or jokes with you, you’re not rude to them. You will say “thank you” for whatever nice thing they say, and you will laugh if the joke they make is funny. I would have never made this much drama out of a situation like this” I say this time lowering my tone, trying to keep myself calm.

    “So you’re saying you laughed at his joke just because it was funny?” he replies sarcastically.

    “Exactly, you idiot! Why would I ever hit on another guy when I am dating you?”

    He can’t help himself but smile, so he turns his head away from me not to let me see his face anymore.

    “The most talented and coolest guy who also happens to be attractive? I mean...”

    I hear him wheezing and continue.

    “And he is also so hot, even though he is dumb as fuck.”

    “That’s it, stop offending me” he looks back at me slightly annoyed.

    “Are you gonna be mad here while I am complimenting the hell out of you? After all this drama you made?” I cross my arms and lean back into my seat.

    “Okay, I am sorry” he suddenly says and reaches out for my hand taking it into his.

    “You’re not” I rale.

    “I am sorry. And now you’ve said it; I get it. And yes you can and should laugh at the jokes you find funny. I was behaving like a-”

    “Like a douche?” I ask ironically.

    “Ugh, okay, like a douche, yes” he rolls his eyes, and I can’t help myself but giggle.

    “Why wouldn’t you just trust me, Shawn? I trust you, although I don’t see you as much and I know how many girls and boys are out there for you.”

    “Because I could never love anybody else” he takes my other hand into his and looks down at our hands in his lap.

    “And I could never love anybody else but you, Shawn,” I say seriously to make him understand that I mean it.

    “I’m sorry for being this mad” he slightly shakes his hand looking at me.

    “That’s okay; you’re a human too. You can’t always keep everything inside” I nod to him and lean closer to his face “Just don’t be this jealous in the future, I am never going to give you up for somebody else, okay?”

    “Okay,” he smiles and kisses me.

MASTERLIST

My recent works:

“Babe, you’re bleeding”

“We’re keeping it”

[cryo-a]

Omg i see it.

I like to imagine post-winter Phos being freakishly tall. They’re already canonly a bit taller than the other gems because of the alloy heels (if I remember right), but I need them to be 7ft tall. Absolutely towering over the other gems. This doesn’t make sense (the alloy wouldn’t make them THAT tall) but I don’t care, I just need them to be so tall that they can’t fit through doors. And since Cairngorm is canonly the shortest gem, just a tiny bit shorter than the others, Phos can and will lean on them whenever possible. It’s simply in human nature to lean onto those shorter than you.