#I am genuinely so devastated rn like. what am I supposed to do now.

[mazojo]

[myaoiboy]

what are ur hcs for the boscelhira dynamic?

These bitches are so deeply unhealthy on every level lmaoooo

I'm super torn on whether Ocelot ever actually directly tells Big Boss that he's attracted to him, purely out of such a fucked up yandere level of hero worship. Especially before the Ground Zeroes incident I think he assumes a) that his feelings go without saying and b) that bibo is indestructible, and GZ is a huge wake up call for him. I have a fic in my wip folder about this exact thing because I'm obsessed with ocelot I am genuinely rotating him in my brain at all times. :3

Meanwhile Kaz is extremely straightforward. I feel like he has some fucked up ideas about masculinity and sexuality early on, but hey, gay people tend to congregate around all the snakes in large numbers, so any internalized homo/biphobia that he might have had has to evaporate pretty quickly. He definitely makes the first move on Bibo, he tries the moves that he uses on (many, many) women, and ends up getting absolutely plowed.

Big Boss, to me, is an autistic aroace king who doesn't really *get* sex and/or romance, but is down to fuck if only because he knows it's something other people put a lot of value on and it feels good, and as an extension of hand-to-hand combat. Because of that sex-as-an-extension-of-combat mindset I feel like he doesn't bottom much if ever (maybe, *MAYBE* if the Boss were into pegging, but lbr she's probably a lil too homophobic for that).

Kaz is cool with that, especially in the early MSF days. It's like having a tiger on a leash. He basically has a supersoldier to fuck him senseless.

I think maybe BB and Ocelot meet quietly on occasion through the MSF days, but if they fuck at all in this time it's mostly just what BB kind of assumes he's supposed to do, from interacting with Kaz. tbh Ocelot gets off from the weirdest shit so anything *real* is just a bonus.

Ocelot is *extremely* jealous of Kaz, not just for the sex, but for even getting to see Bibo on a regular basis. This fic is basically to me what I think their first meeting would/should be like (actually this whole series of fics is so good i recommend it): https://archiveofourown.org/works/37886539

(There's another fic that I looked for very quickly but couldn't find that includes Ocelot saying a line like "I just wanted to see what all the buzz was about" after they fuck, it may also be a part of that series, but I'm struggling rn lol)

Ocelot pretends it's not jealousy and is instead a totally justified dislike. Definitely thinks of him as Zero's slutty lapdog. He spends the time between MGS3/PO (take your pick on canonicity) and GZ keeping tabs on Snake for what he pretends are totally professional, impersonal, non-obsessive reasons. This is not true, obviously. Definitely hopes that Kaz is dead in the devastation.

Goes on an enormous bender between the attack and finding out that Bibo is alive, maybe the only time that he really, truly lets himself completely lose control. Definitely think at least once he gets REAL fucking close to ODing and gets to talk to the Sorrow for a lil bit. Might be how he finds out Snake isn't dead/won't die.

If they haven't at least hooked up anonymously before, Kaz and Ocelot definitely start to in this 9 year gap. Ocelot knows a lot about the human body and does some fancy acupunctury/knife-y stuff to help with the pain from his injuries because, y'know, they're stuck together for now.

Ocelot totally fucks Kaz because he's the person closest to Big Boss left in the world. Ocelot isn't much of a top himself, but he tops Kaz just to figure out what he's used to, using Kaz to build up this mental model of how Big Boss must fuck using the negative space he's left behind.

I genuinely think that up to this point they REALLY could have saved one another. They're one another's perfect foil, they cover one another's weaknesses, Kaz is all rage on his own behalf but doesn't know when to cut ties, Ocelot refuses to grow a single vertebra if it might inconvenience Big Boss.

I do think that Ocelot spent a lot of time at Zanzibarland, and that Kaz intentionally helped time Intrude F014 for a time that Ocelot wouldn't be there, from some lack of desire to kill his...complicated ex lover.

I think Ocelot would absolutely be furious that he wasn't let die with his boss, and intentionally lets Kaz live in 2005 as punishment (I like biblical allusion and so the idea of Kaz living the story of Cain/Pontius Pilate's doorman, cursed to live a wandering life until the second coming of jesus, or in Kaz's situation, the third(?) coming of Big Boss makes me kick my feet and giggle)

Gonna stop for now cause this is getting like. Comedically long for what you asked lol. But I am more than willing to talk about this forever i love them they're my favorite toxic barbies

but genuinely yall thank you, you're making me think about this which means that I can add a little more to the bunch of fics I have half written and scared to finish lmaoooo

[littlespoonevan]

Hello! Sorry if this is super weird but... I’ve been thinking.. is there something wrong with me bc i‘m 31 and never had a bf or a real relationship. Never. It just never happened for me. It’s been a long long time since i even had a crush. Am i doing something wrong? It feels weird to me. Bc most other people even really young ones have relationships. And im usually fine being on my own but sometimes i get lonely too or i kinda would like to have a relationship, see how it feels... i even tried tinder but ugh. The problem is im super insecure and shy in the dating aspect bc of lack of experience. I feel like something might be wrong with me. Im kinda scared i‘ll be alone forever. 😔 sorry for this random mess of a message 😕 you seem like a good listener and im all over the place rn bc of this

oh anon, i want to send you the biggest hug right now <33 i’m so sorry you’re feeling this way and believe me, i completely understand where you’re coming from. but can i just start off by saying- there is absolutely nothing wrong with you.

There’s such a stigma around not having had a relationship in your teens or your twenties and tbh it needs to be normalised so much more bc i think so many of us go through it and silently suffer because we think it means we’re not normal. but like, my sister is your age and only got into her first proper relationship this year, one of my best friends is 26 and has only just start seeing someone for the first time in the last 2 months, i have another friend who’s never been in a relationship at all. I’ve been in one but it was basically a relationship for the sake of being a relationship and one that felt absolutely nothing like what it was supposed to and just a terrible experience all around. that was when i was twenty/twenty-one and it’s only in the last year and a half i’ve even tried dating again.

And y’know what? Dating is fucking hard. Tinder is an absolute nightmare of repetitive conversations that go nowhere and it’s made even worse for people like me and you who feel insecure about dating because of inexperience. like the two guys i dated in the past year were both from Tinder and they were both really nice and i genuinely had feelings for them but intimacy is so intimidating to me that i can’t help closing myself off and finding an excuse to pull away after a month or so even if they haven’t done anything wrong. and no matter how unashamed I am about my lack of experience it’s still really hard to talk about that with someone unless you completely trust them, y’know? combine that with the fact this isn’t a person you knew beforehand so you probably don’t have that same comfort level to even be honest about why you’re nervous in the first place and well, it’s just easier to be single tbh :/

And I think beyond that, there’s this sort of push back online sometimes about how there’s nothing wrong with being single forever and never settling down or marrying and it’s true, there isn’t and i’m so happy for people who feel that way. but there’s also absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to. It’s okay to want to fall in love and share your life with someone. Most people do and it sounds great! So y’know, like you, I’m fine being on my own and I enjoy my own company but god the thought of never finding someone I want to be with is honestly devastating. 

I think if I were to try and give you advice here (and I’m saying this to myself too bc I’m right there with you) I’d tell you two things: 

First, be patient with yourself and with time. As much as I think a person needs to be open to dating/looking to meeting someone, I also believe in my heart of hearts that finding someone isn’t something you can meticulously plan. It happens when it’s supposed to (even if that is on tinder haha)

Second, maybe have a think about if there’s anything from your side stopping you from dating. Is it just fear/worry about inexperience? (which is absolutely reason enough on its own and comes down to finding someone you can trust enough to be open with) or is it a wider issue with intimacy overall? (eg. i’m not tactile at all and am not good at talking about my feelings so put me in a romantic scenario and i drown bc i have no idea what to do without the other person taking the lead). There’s also the possibility you could fall somewhere on the ace spectrum if there’s aspects of sex or romantic relationships that don’t appeal to you or that you’re more neutral towards. 

Ultimately even if there is something standing in your way and one or any of those things are true that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, it just means that relationships might work a little differently for you. I know I can’t magically fix this problem for you and I wish I knew the right words to make it better but I really, really do believe you’ll find someone when the circumstances are right. And more than that, you’re not alone. There are so many people who have never been in love or never had sex or never been kissed and that’s okay. We’ll all get there when we’re ready to - including you. Just try to hold on a little bit longer <3

[punkscowardschampions]

Amber & Cosmo

Amber: Red suits you…

Cosmo: Damn, is it really that bad?

Cosmo: 2nd message politely rinsing me

Amber: I mean it, you look really nice

Amber: ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Cosmo: Oh

Cosmo: well, cheers

Cosmo: it was a necessity, like

Amber: For a good first impression, sure

Amber: I know how much they matter to you

Cosmo: We don’t all have an open window to make that ultimate impression

Amber: maybe don't drop that hint to her, whoever she is, it's a lot of pressure to imply the window of opportunity is closing after the dessert course

Cosmo: You might know her

Cosmo: She goes to your school, but Dash’s year

Cosmo: I don’t know her, but I can’t see her climbing through any windows tonight, or any other night for that matter

Amber: I don't know many people in Dash's year but those I do would be more likely than not to climb through a window, especially if someone like you was requesting it

Amber: Would you like to get to know her, that obvious deal breaker aside?

Cosmo: What do you mean someone like me?

Cosmo: But this was kind of a blind date situation, set up by someone who thought we’d both be interested

Amber: Let me see if I can put into words what I mean

Amber: someone who is generous with their time on top of also being attentive to how the other person wants to spend theirs because you actively listen and then make things happen

Amber: you're someone I really like hanging out with and I think they would feel the same in my place

Amber: Oh cool, I love blind dates!

Cosmo: Well

Cosmo: you’re in a good mood

Cosmo: It’s a shame that I don’t think I’ll feel anywhere near as similarly about anyone my brother associates with

Cosmo: I can see that for you

Cosmo: It’s awkward and you’ve never heard of the word

Amber: it's more of a shame you're trying to put me in a bad one 😂

Cosmo: I didn’t mean you, obviously

Cosmo: We called truce but it still don’t mean I want his dating pool to be mine

Amber: I wasn't suggesting it should be, the friends I have in his year aren't all mutuals we share, only in his head is he that popular

Amber: but I meant you trying to call me out for never feeling awkward in situations where other people are, as if I'm supposed to view it negatively instead of one of the positives this 👽 lifestyle has to offer

Cosmo: Maybe I was being nice too, and you just made an assumption

Cosmo: be mad at yourself

Amber: I wasn’t, but maybe now I am, an assumption of that being the best you can do at being nice

Amber: tonight or to me anyway

Cosmo: Yeah you were ‘cos I didn’t say it was a bad thing

Cosmo: What’s wrong with you tonight?

Amber: I don’t know what you mean or expect me to say to the biggest assumption you’ve made so far

Amber: tonight or frankly ever

Cosmo: Even if I weren’t out, I don’t think I could decode what you’re getting at rn

Amber: There’s nothing wrong with me, you said yourself I’m in a good mood

Cosmo: Right, fine, alright

Cosmo: I just need to go home then

Amber: I’m sorry your blind date isn’t going well though

Cosmo: It’s not the end of the world

Amber: no, but wasted time doesn’t feel good, and besides, something doesn’t have to be end of the world levels of BAD to get sympathy from me or a reaction from you

Cosmo: I don’t need sympathy

Cosmo: we just have nothing in common

Amber: okay, empathy then

Cosmo: Just stop, yeah

Amber: what?

Cosmo: Making it seem like a big deal when it isn’t

Cosmo: she’s some kid who’s split up from her boyfriend and needed cheering up

Cosmo: with that kind of pressure, no wonder I couldn’t manage it, but it’s not me who’s 😞 so it don’t matter, ‘less you wanna send her your condolences

Amber: it sounds like I should, or at the very least the wonky fruit basket your nan never got

Cosmo: you think I’m that much of a dick, yeah

Cosmo: nice

Amber: I wasn’t making it about you, she’s upset because she’s going through a breakup

Amber: why are you this determined to start a fight with me right now?

Cosmo: I’m not

Cosmo: I don’t have a fruit basket to hand, that’s all

Amber: You don’t need one, you already did your best at trying to cheer her up, it’s not your fault, or hers, that it didn’t work

Cosmo: It is my fault

Amber: personally, I doubt it, but if you believe it, tell me why

Cosmo: I’m never going to be what they expect or want, that’s facts

Amber: for girls still devastated over their exes, of course not

Cosmo: Right

Cosmo: Whatever then

Amber: you’re dismissing what I just said because…?

Cosmo: Because you don’t get it and this is a waste of both our time

Cosmo: and that’s 💔 so you should go enjoy your great mood

Amber: I get that you think you failed when really this was a situation where there wasn’t a way to ‘win’ because time, distance from her ex and anything that reminds her of him are the real things that’ll help her, it isn’t a waste of time to talk about it unless you wanna keep pretending it doesn’t matter

Cosmo: Being perfect on paper is exhausting

Cosmo: There was no point deluding her that it could go any further

Amber: You're not someone who leaves people in any kind of delusion, which isn't a bad thing, before you try and say I'm saying it is

Cosmo: Proving we don’t know each other at all

Cosmo: but it’s a favourable mischaracterisation so, why not

Amber: You're definitely determined to prove that’s true, tonight and every other since we’ve met, so if it’ll cheer you up

Cosmo: Selfless as always

Cosmo: and we haven’t spent any night together just two day trips so

Amber: we could, but either way, you know what I was trying to say, ineloquent as always

Cosmo: This one’s a write-off

Cosmo: and I might set alight if I get anywhere near a campfire

Amber: it doesn’t have to be and a campfire wouldn’t have to be involved

Cosmo: It always does with you lot

Cosmo: and I can’t change modes that fast

Amber: It’s me you’d be spending time with, boy, and I can be much more flexible than them about what my idea of fun is

Cosmo: You’ve told me how flexible you are before

Amber: it’s worth repeating

Cosmo: 😂 Show-off

Amber: not yet I’m not but I could be

Cosmo: Oh yeah?

Amber: any time or place, I don’t ever feel awkward, remember

Cosmo: Sure, see you when that’s actually believable for either of us

Amber: Okay, I’ll come and meet you now because it is

Cosmo: It ain’t

Amber: Why?

Cosmo: I know you get awkward, even if it’s not at the usual things everyone else does

Amber: We didn’t know each other at all a minute ago, according to you

Cosmo: you’re a contradiction too, that’s why I like you

Amber: if you’re gonna remember anything, actually, it should be that you do like me

Cosmo: I’ll deny it in a court of law, like

Amber: and I’ll deny liking you too if you do

Cosmo: Liar

Amber: maybe it would be true if you were that mean to me in a court of law, I don’t know

Cosmo: I don’t wanna be mean

Amber: neither do I

Cosmo: It’s the easy way out

Amber: I don’t want out, the easy or hard way

Cosmo: Not of this

Cosmo: the rest, it’s still not right

Amber: What’s wrong with it, the rest?

Cosmo: I mean, I could treat you all like shit and not care, if I was mean

Cosmo: it’s cowardly, he’s a fucking pussy

Amber: I’m glad you’re not

Cosmo: I couldn’t if I wanted to

Amber: perfect on paper isn’t subjective, that’s part of why it must be exhausting, I guess

Cosmo: It’s not real though, is it

Cosmo: at least I don’t have to deliver, the fantasy is what’s important, I just follow the script till we part ways

Cosmo: but that’s because I can’t deliver, not really

Amber: but it's sad, the idea of following a script instead of getting to know someone, feeling like you have to behave a certain way even if it is just for a night

Cosmo: They are getting to know me, as much as they want

Amber: it isn't fair to you or what you want, that should count too

Cosmo: What do I want?

Amber: I don't know you well enough to answer that, unfortunately

Cosmo: At least you aren’t deluded

Amber: Thanks 😂

Amber: but everyone wants genuine connections with people don't they? It wouldn't be an assumption that you'd also want that

Cosmo: Not totally, anyway, don’t get carried away

Cosmo: Not everyone wants genuine connection with everyone though

Amber: No, but you aren't blind dating everyone, right?

Cosmo: It’s not that deep

Amber: not with her, but you wouldn't have sounded so trapped before talking about this situation if you didn't want things to be different

Cosmo: She’s not holding me hostage

Cosmo: We’re finished up here anyway

Amber: If we're going with this analogy, okay, you're holding yourself hostage

Cosmo: 🙄😏 it’s either too early or too late for analogies, Ambs

Amber: I'm following your lead here

Cosmo: I don’t know where I’m going, so probably don’t

Cosmo: not tonight anyway

Amber: I don't mind where we go, you can pick

Amber: [suggest a place where you could do a night swim because you know he likes that and other places you could do sporty\competitive things he'd be about to try and turn his night around, I like to think there's 9 different options]

Cosmo: That’s dedication to the ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Cosmo: I can’t do anything tonight, I told you

Cosmo: It’d be…

Amber: Raincheck? I'm trying to cheer you up not make you feel like you're under more pressure to perform for me

Cosmo: It’s not that but yeah

Amber: Are you gonna tell me what it is?

Cosmo: I couldn’t if I wanted to

Cosmo: don’t pay me for my way with words though, thank God

Amber: we can do another raincheck until you’re ready to talk about it

Cosmo: Sounds cheery

Cosmo: We don’t need to wait about and prioritize moping

Amber: We'd be prioritising communication, why's that so bad?

Cosmo: We could communicate about anything

Cosmo: Better still, do anything instead of talk about it

Cosmo: Why would we bother

Amber: Because I don't want things to be not that deep between us

Cosmo: Why don’t you?

Amber: I won't ever be able to answer the question of what you want, even if you meet me at the phonebox when we're old, if it is, we're friends, I wanna be able to say I actually know you

Cosmo: I don’t know how to trust like that

Cosmo: but I can try

Amber: you don't have to trust me now, we'll spend more than 2 day trips together first, see how that goes, there's no rush or pressure

Cosmo: It’s not a you thing, you know that yeah

Amber: It's okay, you phrased it very carefully, I understand you'd find it hard to trust anyone else you were getting to know too

Cosmo: Make it sound more calculating 😏

Amber: I was trying to make it sound like you're not as bad with words as you think!

Amber: because you're not, in my humble opinion

Cosmo: I’m not sure I’d call your opinion humble

Cosmo: but I’ll still take it, tah

Amber: I'm open to trying new things too

Amber: maybe I could be humble…

Cosmo: 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Cosmo: Maybe

Cosmo: Your hippie brethren would like it

Amber: Oh fuck you're right! 😠 Well now you've made me wanna not follow through with it

Cosmo: I won’t point out that not following through is right up their street too 😜

Amber: Maybe don't, pointing out ways they can feel superior to others is very up their street though, MAYBE even above all else

Cosmo: Yeah, the humility is just a guise for the overriding smugness, obviously

Amber: I couldn't argue with you if you wanted me to

Amber: not about how self-righteous hippies can be, and especially not tonight

Cosmo: What’s happened/happening tonight?

Amber: My parents have been bugging me to spend more time here because I rarely do unless it’s eating and sleeping, like a hotel, so I am, but it’s

Amber: feel free to fill in the unspeakable blank yourself

Cosmo: I’m sorry we can’t go swimming

Cosmo: and that I’ve been talking about myself this whole time, clearly, Jesus

Cosmo: Where’s your favourite place there? You should hide there

Amber: I talk about myself all the time way more often, it’s fine

Cosmo: I’m not my favourite topic of conversation, I’m never trying to be that guy

Cosmo: Don’t you like the hammocks?

Cosmo: It’s not a bad night for it

Amber: Sure, but you’re not my most hated topic of conversation, far from it, meaning I can’t really be 😠

Amber: it’s a beautiful night but too early in it to hide away when the goal was to be social and appease my parents

Cosmo: Is it a long list? Or am I flattered? 🤔

Cosmo: Don’t they have like 10 boy/girl/themfriends to hang with and keep them entertained

Cosmo: You aren’t going to be around much longer

Amber: 🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔

Amber: Are you flattered or aren’t you?

Amber: And as of right now my dad is single while my mum has a boyfriend, if I was a cynic like you I’d probably think that’s why they’re taking such an interest

Amber: but they always have and I’m always gonna be their 👶🏽

Cosmo: You are an only child, true

Cosmo: Try to block out the people you aren’t actually related to then

Cosmo: Good luck

Amber: Thanks

Cosmo: Hey, I actually meant that

Amber: Okay, boy, that doesn’t mean I know a more sincere way to say thank you right now

Cosmo: It’s not like I can actually help

Cosmo: my family quality time is hardly goals

Amber: mine either any more if this is what it looks like

Cosmo: When did it start to feel different for you?

Amber: When I started to feel different to them

Amber: think for myself

Amber: it started smaller and with 👶🏽 acts of rebellion, of course

Cosmo: I bet you were cute

Amber: I was, whatever timeframe you’re imagining

Amber: because the acts of rebellion weren’t all that long ago, some of them were just really immature, since they made a huge deal about 💬💭 individuality until I decided to use mine deviate from ☮️💙 hardly an adult response in itself

Cosmo: All parents have an ideal and an expectation, they can deny it all they like

Cosmo: if you don’t turn out how they thought, it can take them a long time to deal with it

Amber: I’m not gonna be 👶🏽 enough to wish they’d deal with it faster, or pretend I’ll prove you wrong when it’s my turn, don’t worry

Cosmo: At least if you become a total normie, you also won’t be shocked if your kid decides to hang out at a commune

Cosmo: the 👶🏽 will definitely be pissed off at how unphased you act and the 👶🏽 of rebellion will still be a thing though

Amber: I've seen too many births for them not to be adopted, if I become a terrible person and parent, I can put the blame there instead of taking any responsibility

Cosmo: Fair but a shame

Cosmo: they won’t be as cute for it

Amber: Unfair, they'll be adorable

Cosmo: If you ask for that then you’ll definitely sound like a terrible person 😅

Amber: Shh babies and toddlers just are, I won't need to do a special request

Cosmo: You’re used to the plastic ones that don’t shit, puke and scream all the time, I reckon

Amber: They're not cute, they're slightly creepy

Amber: [photographic evidence making them look as creepy as we can in the dark in the hammocks like see]

Cosmo: Is your ma trying to prepare them for a rosemary’s baby situation what the fuck is that

Amber: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Cosmo: At least they can’t chat shit at you all night

Cosmo: unless they can, then you need to throw them in the camp fire

Amber: I can't believe I have to tell you again to stop trying to hex me

Amber: if we get to 9 something spooky is definitely gonna happen

Cosmo: s’what I’m really doing here, obviously

Amber: 🧙🏽‍♂️

Cosmo: Never seen ‘em

Cosmo: he’s the best one though, right?

Amber: I’ve not either, so if he isn’t I’m not starting a fight deliberately, I promise

Cosmo: 😏

Cosmo: I’ll ask my nan, she’d know

Amber: I could knock but I think that’s how she’s meant to contact me so it’ll be easier if you do

Cosmo: Moving shit a quartre of an inch isn’t exactly the best means of communication

Amber: not in Dash’s room

Cosmo: Yeah

Amber: if I was a 👻 I’d float myself there

Cosmo: Gutted

Cosmo: don’t you have to haunt where you die

Cosmo: you don’t wanna be stuck with him for eternity

Amber: True, it wouldn’t be worth it to briefly escape him and everyone else for now

Cosmo: You can though

Cosmo: when your parents are satisfied

Cosmo: my room is free

Amber: I’m allowed in your room?

Cosmo: not a blanket rule

Cosmo: but tonight

Amber: Okay

Amber: [she should definitely leave something for him, I’ll have to think what]

Cosmo: thank me later for the better smell, like

Amber: I’ll think of a way to express how deep my gratitude is

Amber: 💭💭💭💭💭💭💭💭💭

Cosmo: One of us having a good night is enough

Amber: it isn’t too late for us both to have a good night

Cosmo: it is

Amber: You’re not someone who gives up that easily

Cosmo: I’m not

Cosmo: I’m not giving in

Amber: then you can turn it around

Cosmo: By myself

Amber: or not, it depends what you want

Cosmo: nah

Amber: Why not? You’re anti moping, right?

Cosmo: I’ve told you, I can’t see you

Amber: I can’t be the only person who’d make you happy, that’d make me too ⭐️ and you’ve also told me I’m not, that you don’t think anybody is

Cosmo: I don’t

Cosmo: but it’s too late and I’m too drunk to pretend I don’t know where I wanna be

Amber: If there’s somewhere you know you wanna be, maybe that’s where you should be

Cosmo: It’s not that simple

Cosmo: and it shouldn’t be

Amber: What’s ever simple? Unless you’re a 👶🏽

Cosmo: Exactly

Cosmo: I can’t just do what I want, because I want to, not me

Amber: that doesn’t mean what you want isn’t important, because you feel like you can’t act on it

Cosmo: It is less important than what I need to do

Cosmo: what I’m going to

Amber: you need to get right with the things you’re ignoring, before it fucks you up

Cosmo: Don’t lecture me

Amber: I’m not trying to

Cosmo: The things I’m ignoring would fuck me up, it’s not the other way round

Amber: I’m sorry

Cosmo: Whatever, you don’t know what you’re talking about, so it doesn’t matter

Amber: Maybe because I don’t know what you’re talking about, you’re being deliberately vague

Cosmo: I’m not going to explain it

Amber: because…?

Cosmo: If you can’t work it out then you don’t need to know

Cosmo: Forget about it

Amber: It’s not a game and we’re not 👶🏽 if you think I should know something, communicate it to me

Cosmo: I don’t want to

Amber: you can’t put the blame on me if you won’t when you know I hate assumptions

Amber: you’re fucking confusing, I could be wrong

Cosmo: You’re more confusing

Amber: No I’m not

Cosmo: You fucking are

Amber: I’m trying to get you to get rid of any confusion!

Cosmo: You’re trying to mediate like you’re a fucking life coach

Amber: I said earlier that’s not what I’m trying to do

Cosmo: You can’t fix my life

Cosmo: why do you think it even needs fixing

Amber: not your life, the night you were having

Amber: it escalated how things usually do with us

Cosmo: I don’t even have a temper

Amber: Maybe it is my fault, and this is another of those I don’t know I’m doing it or can’t help it moments

Cosmo: That’s not what I meant

Cosmo: You do make me angry, frustrated really

Cosmo: I just meant I’m not usually, I wasn’t blaming you

Amber: But what I mean is, I’m used to having to fix things, because they’re already so chaotic, if I didn’t at least try…

Amber: making my parents happy is like, what I’m here for

Cosmo: It isn’t

Cosmo: it shouldn’t be

Amber: It’s not your turn to try and fix how my life is going

Cosmo: If you live for your parents’ happiness, you’re gonna be miserable, trust me

Amber: everyone has a role within their family, I’m the glue in mine

Cosmo: Yeah, everyone does, they’re your mum and dad and your their kid, nothing more

Amber: I don’t wanna make you angry, or frustrated, we should just drop it

Cosmo: Drop what?

Amber: any conversation thread about my parents and the misery you think they’re causing me

Cosmo: Right, you don’t like it when it’s on you

Amber: I don’t like that all you do is run them down

Cosmo: I don’t, you take offence on their behalf ‘cos you know I’m not wrong and clearly some of the ways they treat you are

Amber: You do and I take offense because it's offensive

Cosmo: What have I ever said directly about them?

Cosmo: Fuck all

Amber: I don't want to do this, I said that

Cosmo: You’ve got to say your piece and now we’re done

Cosmo: 👍

Amber: You've said plenty

Cosmo: Bullshit but you tell yourself that, Amber

Amber: If I'm looking back on this later, I'll probably be doing it to remind myself of all the times you've closed off a topic and I've shut up

Cosmo: I’ve stopped talking, the topic is closed and the conversation is over

Cosmo: Have a good night

Amber: Fine

Cosmo: [Question is do you think she would come over/go in his room now? Because she could be there when he gets back, like obvs he’d go sleep elsewhere but it could lead to them actually talking again in the AM when she realizes]

Amber: [I was thinking yeah if she gets drunk and/or high after this convo and especially now because my mischievous plan is that she could stick 9 glow in the dark stars in random hard to find spots in his room since everyone knows they are hard to remove and would annoy him and it's like good luck ignoring that dickhead lol]

Amber: [but would he be at his dad's house cos of it being the weekend?]

Cosmo: [Well I vibe it’s more of a choice now he’s basically an adult anyway he probably wants to spend his evenings with his gf now lbr so I don’t think it’s a stretch to say some weekends he comes home, and some week nights he might see his dad, WHICH REMINDS ME, if he’s in his last year of school, assuming Ireland’s schedule is anything like ours, he’s probably out of school on our timeline, maye some final exams to go in for]

Amber: [tea because clearly Dash is spending like no time at home or with his dad at this point and isn't being forced to unless it's a special occasion like the meet the gf roast and yeah that's a good point it is June so he probably is doing exams rn I wish I knew Ireland's vibe better than I do, I'm totally down for y'all to awkwardly see each other in the morning obvs that do be the shit I love]

Cosmo: [I’m sure it has to be roughly the same but it was worth noting that he’s basically out of school now ‘cos I just realized when we did socials, but exactly, I can’t see their dad making them, he’s not that kind of dad, but obviously they spend loads of football time together and that’s mainly it is honestly the vibe for everything anyway so]

Cosmo: [do you reckon she would have intended to fall asleep there or accidentally did, just nosy lol]

Amber: [definitely an accident and then it's like ! Because no idea if his fam are up and awake even though in my head it's early af]

Cosmo: [soz Ali deffo is even if Billie is having a lie-in lmao, also we know Cosmo is hungover but still has to be up of course]

Amber: [I just imagine Ali is outside so she can't leave via the window or she'll deffo be seen so trying to sneak downstairs and running into him like oh]

Cosmo: [and we’re not not smiling and asking ‘sleep well?’ which we genuinely mean even if we make it sound #bants to cover our surprise/state lmao]

Amber: [soz to you both that her angry face just makes her look adorable because she's genuinely frowning because she's fuming at you boy, but obvs raiding your fruit bowl or bread bin or whatever for an on the go breakfast because what are boundaries]are boundaries?]

Cosmo: [frowns back in what could definitely be construed as a pisstakey manner because doing it OTT but we’re actually feeling it too like what have I done? ‘Help yourself’ again we’re not like DON’T TAKE OUR FOOD BITCH really but it’s in the same tone as before]

Amber: [just the visual of her like peeling an orange or something in an angry manner is sending me tbh, just looking at him like do you have anything real you actually wanna say to me or nah]

Cosmo: [so amusant, just raising our eyebrows like how about you ‘cos you ain’t said shit, and going to make ourselves a protein shake or whatever the fuck]

Amber: [pours self a glass of juice or water, drinks it and washes and dries the cup all in a very deliberate and pointed silence like if you’re not gonna say sorry to me then I’m not gonna say anything, who is letting this teen girl date an old ass man in a bit]

Cosmo: [her permissive parents but can’t bring that up now, the dramatic silence as we just loudly blend this shit up lmao]

Amber: [you gotta go realistically gal but I can’t wait until he finds those really annoying glow in the dark stars lol]

Cosmo: [love that]

Amber: [is she finding out about the 2nd date because of him posting/getting tagged by Ruby on socials or have you got another way in mind? Because I was thinking maybe we should leave it until they’ve been on a few more so it’s more of a thing and they obviously aren’t just friends if that’s how]

Cosmo: [That’s kind of how I imagined it tbh, because there’s no need to talk about every date you go on but if you’re like exclusively dating someone then yeah you’ll have to mention that sooner or later lol]

Amber: [and definitely no need to for you to mention every date he goes on gal especially if you don’t know if it is a date or not because you’d look cray]

Cosmo: [I’m sure you don’t post them usually but it obvs seemed like that’s what Savannah wanted out of the exchange but looking at all his tagged like hmm no doubt lol but anyway, for now texting you a suitable amount of time later but deffo still AM just not immediately]

Cosmo: Are you seriously mad or what

Amber: What do you think

Cosmo: I don’t even know what I said, come on

Amber: Thanks for saying I could use your room, even if you don’t remember

Cosmo: I do remember

Cosmo: I didn’t expect you to be there still this morning but beside the point

Amber: Me either, I wasn’t planning on falling asleep, sorry

Cosmo: No, it’s fine

Cosmo: I offered you a place to stay, I just thought you wouldn’t

Amber: maybe I shouldn’t have but it felt like a good idea last night

Cosmo: Why not?

Cosmo: You got breakfast and a bed to yourself, can’t be all bad

Amber: I thought you’d be in your fancier postcode, it’s your bed and the missing ingredients in that loud blender

Cosmo: I debated it but it was easier to come back here

Cosmo: I can live without my bed and some 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍌🍇🍓🍒🍑🥝

Cosmo: otherwise I wouldn’t have offered

Amber: I won’t launch into a speech about the life saving benefits of 🍏🍎🍐🍊🍌🍇🍓🍒🍑🥝 before you’ve had much more ☕️ you can relax

Cosmo: Wasn’t going on a starbs run

Cosmo: but I’ve got a keep cup for if I do so you can forgive me

Amber: For that, I do forgive you, sure

Cosmo: Well, I’m not gonna beg

Cosmo: Stay in a strop if you’re gonna be like this

Amber: Because I've not done any pouting at you, but I'm not gonna when you like it so much

Cosmo: Shut up I do not

Amber: 😶 But you’re lying

Cosmo: And you’re being moody so it’s 1-1 as far as anti-⭐️s

Amber: I’m not calling another new truce until you start being nicer to me

Cosmo: I’ve not got time to be nice to you this morning

Cosmo: but I wasn’t mean to you anyway, don’t start that again

Amber: Yes you were, but we can talk about it when you’re ready to admit that’s true

Cosmo: For fuck’s sake

Cosmo: Can’t you just be normal? There’s no point having a row over nothing

Amber: if that’s what’s normal, no

Cosmo: What did I actually say that was so upsetting then

Amber: You’re just so stubbornly confrontational

Cosmo: I didn’t say I was perfect

Cosmo: and who are you to call me stubborn

Amber: not knowing who I am to you is a different conversation

Cosmo: You aren’t someone who I’m going to change my entire personality for

Cosmo: no one is

Amber: I don’t want to be that person, but I also don’t wanna be someone who apparently does nothing but annoy you

Cosmo: You’re the one calling me a horrible person, and you get to be mad?

Cosmo: I never said that was all you did, it isn’t

Amber: You’re not a horrible person, you have horrible communication skills and you make me feel like getting under your skin is all I do

Cosmo: Well I don’t think you’re great either

Amber: Petty but clearly true

Cosmo: I don’t know how you think lecturing me more is going to fix anything

Amber: your ignoring it method isn’t going to either

Cosmo: So

Cosmo: are you gonna talk to me and try something that might or what

Amber: Not if you don’t have time, you’re already mad at me, it’ll be worse if I ruin your schedule again

Cosmo: You make me sound like a 👹

Amber: the grumpiest 🐐 maybe

Cosmo: didn’t you say you don’t like the goats?

Cosmo: rude

Amber: 🐓 then, some of them get really 😠

Cosmo: Just call me a dickhead, alright

Cosmo: what animal do you reckon you are then

Amber: Which sea creature is the most irritating?

Cosmo: Jellyfish, I’d say

Cosmo: or some spiky shell thing you accidentally stand on

Amber: You do always accidentally upset me, accurate

Cosmo: You’re skulking about under the sand where I’m trying to paddle

Amber: ask yourself why you’re not noticing me, boy

Cosmo: you’re covered in sand, girl

Amber: You’ve seen me covered in sand before

Cosmo: don’t tread on me as a motto is already taken, sorry

Amber: I’ll think of something

Cosmo: Let me know

Amber: but don’t wait up, you looked like you didn’t sleep as well as me

Cosmo: I appreciate the concern

Cosmo: I’m gonna sweat it out

Amber: I did earlier 🧘🏽‍♀️

Cosmo: You better have cleaned up after yourself

Cosmo: You were in my room not his, remember

Amber: it’s not something I’d forget

Cosmo: the smell is better

Amber: and you don’t have 🕷🕸

Cosmo: Are you scared of them?

Amber: not when I’m in this country, but cobwebs getting stuck in my hair isn’t what I want out of a study spot

Cosmo: 😏 fair enough I reckon

Amber: Are you?

Cosmo: No, not really, there’s plenty around here so they don’t bother me

Amber: I’ll have to leave something other than a rubber spider in your bed, I’ll think about that too, I guess

Cosmo: If you wanna talk about petty

Amber: 😂 I don’t if you’re gonna talk about me

Cosmo: 😶 then

Amber: But really, you won’t even know I was ever there

Cosmo: I’m not worried

Amber: because I did such a good job before, it wasn’t Dash cleaning up what was supposed to be his room

Cosmo: Tah

Amber: I like to leave places how I found them, and your room is nice

Cosmo: ⭐️ for you

Amber: don’t give me sarcastic ⭐️

Cosmo: don’t talk about it, we’ve already agreed

Amber: I’m not talking about it

Cosmo: 👍

Amber: 😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶😶

Cosmo: I need my hands now anyway, so I’ll talk to you in a bit

Amber: okay

Cosmo: [send a gym selfie like proof like you absolutely do not need to we see you]

Amber: [The levels she would be dying because that's only the 2nd selfie he's ever sent so not expecting that and we all know what he's looking like]

Amber: It's too early for you to be non sarcastically ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Cosmo: The schedule disagrees

Cosmo: and doesn’t stop for a hangover either

Amber: Is sending me selfies part of your schedule now? 😁

Cosmo: even I have time for a click and send

Cosmo: so if you like, sure 🤣

Amber: terms of the truce

Cosmo: okay

Cosmo: what do I get?

Amber: What do you want?

Cosmo: Hmm

Cosmo: What do I think is equal to a 🤳 a day

Amber: I could make you breakfast that’s actually edible

Cosmo: Hey, my breakfast is edible

Cosmo: Not exciting, but definitely edible 😏

Amber: Well, when you want exciting, I can give you that

Cosmo: Alright

Cosmo: You owe me

Amber: tomorrow?

Cosmo: Tomorrow, alright

Amber: practice your not hating it face

Cosmo: you’re the one who can’t control her face

Amber: What?! Yes I can

Cosmo: Bollocks can you 😂

Cosmo: You’re beyond an open book

Amber: maybe that’s how I am around you because I don’t like it when you misunderstand me

Cosmo: I’m not complaining

Amber: I’m only gonna accept constructive criticism after you’ve eaten, anything else is getting pouted at

Cosmo: Generous

Cosmo: as you think I love it so much

Amber: I want us to be friends again, obviously

Cosmo: Me too

Cosmo: so I won’t make you pout before breakfast, promise

Amber: and I won’t say that sounds too good to be true

Cosmo: Have faith, like

Amber: in you or me?

Cosmo: 🤔

Cosmo: Both

Amber: 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

Cosmo: Do you believe in anything like that?

Amber: I don’t know, sometimes

Amber: but at other times it feels like wishful thinking

Cosmo: I get you

Amber: What about you?

Cosmo: I think I do, yeah

Cosmo: Plenty of things in my life make it so I kinda have to

Amber: that makes sense

Cosmo: It does?

Amber: it’s a realistic reason to believe in something, which means it’s a very you reason

Cosmo: Well you either believe because you need the hope or you feel #blessed, right?

Amber: I think so

Cosmo: and we all know which one I am

Amber: Likewise

Cosmo: I haven’t got Beckham level tattoos or anything though, just FYI

Amber: not yet anyway, but when you turn 18, right?

Cosmo: Totally, full sleeve ASAP

Amber: Everyone really would start calling me a bad influence

Cosmo: I don’t know who’s 👀 and 📢

Amber: A LOT of people have their eye on you, football star

Cosmo: Just my feet

Amber: it’s a very painful place to be tattooed, you’d wanna go easier on yourself for the first time unless you’re trying to put yourself off

Cosmo: I guess I’ll keep my 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 off my body and to myself then

Amber: how humble of you

Cosmo: Not really, I’ve not exactly got his body for it

Amber: You’ve got yours which I have 👀 and could 📢 about

Cosmo: Ha, shut up

Amber: Because I don’t wanna embarrass you, not because it’s untrue

Cosmo: There’s every need for protein shakes, tall = good but scrawny never is

Amber: but you’re not, you showed me the proof earlier

Amber: 💪🏽⭐️

Cosmo: I try

Cosmo: Anyway, what are you doing today?

Amber: I’m on my way to a friend’s house, she’s sick so I’m gonna stay with her until her mama gets off work later tonight

Cosmo: That’s nice

Cosmo: you offering your food services and making her 🥣?

Amber: I made soup before I left but I don’t know if I’ll be eating it by myself

Cosmo: Won’t say I’m now wondering how bad a cook you are

Amber: shh, she was throwing up BEFORE

Cosmo: 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Amber: and hopefully not contagious either, or I’ll raincheck breakfast

Cosmo: your mum not have masks?

Amber: of course and I always have one with me if I’m sick but isn’t it rude to arrive like 😷 when she is and I’m there to take her mind off it?

Cosmo: Potentially

Cosmo: let me know if you’re dying then

Amber: maybe crossing myself will work

Cosmo: do you know the patron saint of sick people?

Amber: I don’t, but now I’m gonna find out

Cosmo: You should

Cosmo: there’s usually some specific ritual you have to do, you’d like it

Amber: If you don’t hear from me again it’s because there’s so many patron saints and I’m still trying to research them all

Cosmo: If she’s not up for being decent company, you’re welcome

Amber: ⚽️ has one! Did you know?

Cosmo: Didn’t but not surprised

Cosmo: tell me

Amber: There wasn’t anyone representing you until 2010, I don’t really understand why this specific man was chosen, it says because he represents values that are developed through sport like fairness, determination etc and he’s linked to youth, but in his life he was running orphanages and a school for deaf-mute girls, nothing to do with ⚽️

Cosmo: I can kinda see it

Cosmo: the academies are a bit like orphanages

Cosmo: that’s cool

Amber: that’s a sad idea, worse than when I pictured the hunger games

Cosmo: Not me

Cosmo: it’s a well-known poverty out for working-class kids

Cosmo: posh boys don’t play football

Amber: Oh, maybe that is the connection they were going for

Cosmo: God knows

Amber: what do posh boys play?

Cosmo: Rugby, golf, tennis…

Cosmo: most everything that they think is ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ and not too physical and classless

Amber: Crazy golf does look fun though, we should do it next

Amber: ⛳️🤡

Cosmo: We don’t have to wear the get-up of actual golf

Cosmo: I’m down

Amber: 🥺 I was looking forward to seeing you in it!

Cosmo: 😏

Cosmo: okay, okay, I will if you can

Cosmo: [god I hope I have a photo that works lmao]

Amber: I’ll figure it out, I’m friends with a LOT of preppy 🤓s

Cosmo: You are halfway there yourself, checks out 🤓

Amber: You’re lucky I’m back in a good mood

Cosmo: 😁

Amber: but I won’t be if you can’t fit me in soon

Cosmo: I doubt we can do that before school

Amber: Don’t worry, I won’t use my pout to force you to skip school

Cosmo: Not this close to being done

Cosmo: Definite bad influence behaviour

Amber: 👼🏽

Cosmo: I don’t want to fail now

Cosmo: even if it doesn’t really matter

Cosmo: still be embarrassing

Amber: Not wanting to fail is enough of a reason, even if you do have a safety net that technically means you’ll be fine

Amber: so if I have to miss you for a while and make do with your promised daily selfie, it’s okay, I’ll stop myself sending any distracting pics back

Cosmo: ** dream job, not safety net

Cosmo: You’re gonna miss me?

Amber: You’re, like, my favourite person to hang out with, I know I’ve essentially told you that before

Cosmo: I guess I’m not used to hearing it put so honestly

Amber: it sounds like you need better friends besides me

Cosmo: oh yeah, my friends are definitely the sort for deep and meaningfuls 🤣

Cosmo: I’m alright for them telling me they love me or whatever tah

Amber: You’re welcome that I came through your window

Cosmo: Your loss for not giving me the chance to thank you properly

Amber: maybe, but my walk is over and now I’ve got nursing to do

Amber: you’ll have to take the opportunity thank me over breakfast

Cosmo: Bright and early then, hippie

Amber: Should I use the door for once?

Cosmo: If you’re not painting a red cross on yours, yeah, you should

Amber: I’ll think of a secret knock to do 9 times, giving you plenty of time to do it yourself, put on a mask or say a prayer

Cosmo: I’ll be ready

Amber: Have a good day and night

Cosmo: Nerd

Amber: bringing 📚 is a just in case thing that I’m not gonna apologise for 👋🏽

[meet-again]

Okay im listening to episode 3 rn,im only at like a third but here's my brainstorm cus idk what else to do:

DO THESE GUYS KNOW WHAT A HEiST IS?? OH MY GOD, THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO NOT EVEN KNOW ITS HAPPENING NOT GET A TWO DAY IN ADVANCE WARNING OH MY GOD

I cant decide how seriously im supposed to be taking this story, like on one hand i wanna be like full on lord of the rings brotherband level of detail. On the other hand it is just a six episode dnd arc.

Is robyn ok? Like this might be a removal from the family tree, how serious are the lovejoys about family? About appearances? Shes pretty young for an elf this could be devastating, at least right now.

Thank fuck for lyndel, like i love her, however i am worried that like theres gonna be someone also guarding her without her knowing cus she is kinda sus.

Im still heartbroken in advance for Ash, i want her to keep a good relationship with her family so bad. love found family but i also want her to keep having that,she just wanted whats best for her family and she paid for that, im worried this could also be the last straw for her realtionship.

Sasha and mishka are the only stable people in here and i love them for it.

Last one ok

Genuinely curious how good is the replica, could you pass it if for the real one even if your looking for it?

Cus 1 could robin have pretended the real one was the fake one? 2 could gem make that conclusion herself? Does she think she caught robin before she made the switch? Has she inspected the fake? And 3 would gem still wear the replica to the ball even if she knows its fake just to keep up appearances? The lovejoys probably dont want anyone to know they've been stolen from so would they up security or would they pretend everythings fine ?

--

P.s. i dont think so but wouldnt it suck if you could just cancel teleportation rings if someone steals your key, like woth credot cards? Shjsjdjj

[v-le]

Thank You, Hoya.

As I type this, I am admittedly an ugly mess. I woke up from a nap this evening & I saw an article that came out a few minutes beforehand about Hoya’s contract renewal, saying that he did not go through with it. Groggily, I clicked on it, not thinking much.

I sat wide awake as I read the sentence once, twice, over and over and my mind couldn’t even properly process it. Leaving?? Actually leaving???

Let me back up, as in, a few months before all this unfolded. Infinite was supposed to come back in May, as announced in their third fan-meeting and everything.  Sunggyu was having health issues and the comeback naturally got pushed back. Their 7th Anniversary eventually came around, but I kinda felt like it was a quiet celebration. There were a few SNS posts, but no annual live broadcast, apparently due to issues with gathering all the members in one place. (When they said this, I thought to myself, ‘This is their SEVENTH anniversary, but they can’t even get together just for that???’ *sad but also equally confused face*). Their contracts came to an end, but there was no official word of their next steps for quite a while. In the middle, we got a little announcement that discussions were still going on and that they were all headed in a positive direction. Weeks trickled past. It was rumored that all re-signed except for one member, supposedly L, but that was just a false report. Three excruciating months later, it is revealed that everyone but Hoya renewed their contract with Woollim Ent. And then the next day, they announced his departure from the company, and the group completely.

I honestly did not see it coming. Throughout these three anxiety-filled months, I kept preparing myself for the worst, which was presumably an official disbandment. But never in the slightest could I imagine a falling apart. A break up?? The loss of a piece that makes them whole? Not hiatus, not disbandment, not separate ways, but the genuine departure of a member. An entire member. I just……….. of all groups to ever pull this off (and we all know that plenty of 2nd gen. groups have been through this, GG, Teen Top, Beast, 2NE1, Apink, Girls’ Day, etc.) INFINITE was one to follow this….. “trend”. This wretched trail of pain that way too many groups have crossed several times.

Before I go into how I feel overall, I just want to make it clear that of course, I will still support Infinite as 6 members, and Hoya in his personal endeavors unconditionally, no matter what. I’ve literally been following them for over 6 frking years now, how could I just abandon any of them like that? No, lol, I’m in way too deep, y’all. So yes, I will never ever ever everrrrrrrrrr bash or disrespect their decisions in any way. I will, of course, wholeheartedly accept this with open arms because that is what true fans do. And if anything, considering that this is what we’ve come to after THREE entire months, doesn’t that just further prove to us how hard this probably was for the members, and staff, and just everyone else collectively? Clearly, a lot of thought went into this. This wasn’t impulsive. This is for the better, and I will fully respect that.

HOWEVER, I am, after all, a fking diehard Inspirit and these boys have literally defined my years as I’ve matured into an adult. They’ve been with me through thick and thin, and as I like to say, my “part-time lifeline”. Even though I almost basically despise current kpop (I will say this several times, but 2nd gen. kpop is dead & gone and that’s something I will mourn for a while), Infinite has always been there. They are my Day 1′s, and as time went on, even when I got extremely busy w/ junior & senior year of high school, I still tried my best to keep up with them, support them, and just honestly, thank them. For being there. Because even as all these years passed before my eyes, they were still here, ALL 7 of them, still occasionally coming back with music for fans, still being Infinite. Just being Infinite. And I was (and still am) so eternally thankful for that. I watched groups lose members, go on hiatuses, or completely fall apart left and right, but Infinite promised us time and time again that they would be there no matter what. I can’t say this enough, but seriously, from the bottom of my heart, when I had time to just reflect on the years, I was just so so so so overwhelmingly thankful for them. 

And so 1 member leaving was just……. it broke me to pieces. I was utterly, completely devastated. Because it was simply a reality I never saw coming. One I never wanted to believe in. I wanted to keep believing that they would continue on as seven for as long their hearts could desire, just as they’ve been doing for all these years. That they’d surpass Shinhwa, and be the longest-lasting boy group to exist, unchanged since debut. That they are family, brothers for life, that they would never separate in such a way. Not to say that they aren’t family anymore. But that their bond of trust would transcend any notions of breaking apart.

But really. It’s okay. Nothing lasts forever, and I know that very well. All good things must come to an end. And that is what I’ve had the most trouble dealing with ever since I read that sentence. This is the end of an era for the boys. This marks a new journey where nothing will be the same as it was before, for better or for worse, who knows yet. But we all have to say goodbye to the Infinite that existed before today. And that’s what’s really hard for me. That’s what has got me looking like an ugly sobbing mess for a good 8 hours today LOL. Because it’s really hard for me to say farewell so suddenly. But the storm will pass, with time.

And with that, I want to once again, thank Infinite, thank Hoya, thank the world for letting these boys shine brightly for the past 7 years, and to hopefully continue to shine even brighter for years to come. Thank you so much Hoya, for being such a pillar (—holy fck hold up, I never thought I’d be typing these words and now im a mess again, great) within Infinite.

Thank you for being the iconic dancing machine within Infinite.

Thank you for not only rapping impressively, but singing stunningly as well.

Thank you for venturing into the acting scene & pulling off amazing characters like in Reply 1997, Mask, My Lovely Girl, Radiant Office, and more.

Thank you for being a complete bora-dori.

Thank you for constantly expressing your passion for hip hop (remember when he talked about when he was younger, he even wished he was black??? AHAHAH good times :’)), whether it was through Infinite H, self-composed raps/songs, or your personal Youtube channel.

Thank you for gifting us with your iconic bitch face. (This might honeslty be the biggest thing I miss LOL jk jk ily hoya adjakfjlkf i cant rn)

Thank you for being a dork/dick half the time and always roasting the members without shame.

Thank you for yes, ddabong to u too times 5805925 LOL

Thank you for developing from that awk, Busan boy into a resilient Seoul man HAHAHHA proud of u tho

Thank you for your brows because we all know they were ur focal point ;)

Thank you for also unleashing ur inner hoaegi sometimes

Thank you for sincerely being one of the most passionate members ever. I think I can safely say that no one put more energy and fervor into a performance than you did.

and just…

Thank you for being a part of Infinite for these past 7 years. At this very moment, I cannot imagine an Infinite without you. I will miss everything you have given us, and more than anything, thank you for working so hard.

호원아 고생했어 사랑해 ❤

[dstrachan]

DREAM WIFE 'SO WHEN YOU GONNA …. '

Dream Wife = Alice Go, Bella Podpadec and Rakel Mjöll, are back with their second album and as the title suggests, it is a record brimming with adrenaline and playful excitement.  Now I could go on and copy and paste the rest of their press release here but that would be extremely lazy, despite the fact that I fully agree with it. 

I haven't posted many album reviews recently because I felt that I was getting into a rather deep rut: right from the start I made a decision not to write negative reviews – artists and production teams for albums had clearly invested many hours along with copious amounts of blood sweat and tears to produce something that they believed in so what right had I to express my feelings simply because I hadn't liked the result?  My reasons for writing reviews was never about promoting my personal profile – only about seeking to help to highlight great musical talent in the hope of increasing their positive exposure, so I reckoned that if I hadn't been moved to write something positive it would be best to say nothing at all.  After all, I'm one of those who first heard Queen's 'Bohemian Rhapsody' whilst working in the Edinburgh branch of Bruce's Record Shop in Rose Street, and along with other staff, wondered what the hell they were playing at – who on earth was going to want to listen to the ramblings of somebody having a bad trip?  Well we all what happened next back then in 1975!

So, with that principle established I began to realise that my reviews were becoming really quite formulaic and could pretty much be summed up as follows; “I really like this music – because I have listened to such a wide range of great music over the last half century some parts of some of the tracks evoke memories of other, previous musical gems; I thoroughly enjoyed listening to this album and would like to wish the artists all the best for the future and invite you to give them a fair hearing to find out whether or not you agree with my enthusiasm”.  Consequently I came to realise that any further reviews would be quite repetitive and I pretty much took a step back from reviewing, with any reviews essentially being restricted to reporting on gigs that I had enjoyed.  Given the devastating effect of the coronavirus on the live gig scene since March this year, opportunities for attending live gigs have disappeared.  Many excellent live stream performances have been available and I have enjoyed a number of these but haven't got round to trying to review these as yet, perhaps that is because logging on to watch a live stream doesn't come with the same additional experience - driving many miles, parking, perhaps having a meal before the gig, getting into the venue and then driving home doesn't really stack up against remaining at home, sitting by my laptop and clicking a link.  But many thanks to all who have impressed me during these live streams, including Nervous Twitch, Not Now Norman and especially Reely Jiggered whose weekly 'live on the drive' performances outside their house have been exceptionally inspiring given Fiona and Alison McNeil's wonderfully infectious enthusiasm.

So, after that preamble, back to Dream Wife and their second album 'So When You Gonna?'; well I write this on 1st August 2020 shortly after receiving my neon pink vinyl copy of the album, the day that I announced my August 'track of the month' selection as being the opening track 'Sports!'.  I have always been extremely impressed by these three exceptional humans and had intended to begin this post by referring back to my review of their debut album – but it turns out that any such review is entirely in my head as I can find no record of it!  So instead of a brief reference to a TFL P4 bus journey from Lewisham to Brixton, believing that to have already been detailed in my apparently non-existent review of their first album, I will have to explain more fully.

It was Saturday 15th September 2018 and my daughter and I were traveling from Lewisham to Brixton on a route P4 bus when somewhere en-route (possibly the Nunhead area, but my knowledge of London really isn't that good) two striking young women got on and sat beside each other, directly in front of us.  Although they didn't speak to each other I sensed a bit of mutual chemistry and they seemed to be very pre-occupied.  I did actually wonder if they might also be heading to the O2 Academy for the Garbage gig that we were heading for but thought no more of it, especially when they got off a few stops before us.  We then went for a truly enjoyable ramen meal in 'Nanban', Coldharbour Lane.  Later, in the venue I watched with amazement as the support band (until then we had known nothing about them) came on stage – the guitarist and bass player looked very familiar – they were the two who I remembered from the bus!  Bella and Alice were then joined by Rakel and we were subsequently enthralled by a truly exciting, energetic and inspired performance as we wallowed in our first experience of Dream Wife (the Garbage set was excellent and entralling too, but that's really not the focus of this review).  Later, in the wee small hours of the following Sunday morning, as I lay on the sofa bed in my daughter's flat, unable to get to sleep as I recalled the gig, I got on-line and ordered a copy of Dream Wife's album on blood spattered vinyl.  For my review of that amazing album please refer back to my intro regarding the repetitiveness of my reviews!

Dream Wife have always been outspoken about holding up other women and non-binary people in the creative industries, but these aren’t just words or sentiments.  With a gender divide in music production currently estimated at around ninety-five percent male to five percent female, the band are proud to have worked with an all-female recording team for 'So When You Gonna...', including producer and mixer Marta Salogni (Björk, Holly Herndon, FKA Twigs) engineer Grace Banks (David Wrench, Marika Hackman) and mastering engineer Heba Kadry (Princess Nokia, Alex G, Beach House).

“It was a way of us practicing what we preach,” says Alice, “It felt like an honour to be able to deliver this baby with these three amazing midwives.” “Put your money where your mouth is!” adds Rakel, quoting the lyrics of “Sports!”

In the first week following its release, 'So When You Gonna...' was the only one in the UK top 20 chart that was not backed by a major label, in addition they were the only one band with an album entirely produced by a womxn.

As the band posted, “the ONLY band/musician in the top 20 that is not backed by a major label. The ONLY band/musician on that list who’s album was entirely produced by a womxn. Let alone had a whole team of womxn behind it.

Which is messed up... it’s 2020 ppl?”

In addition 'So When You Gonna...' was the album of the day at BBC Radio 6 Music for 7th July, and it was Rough Trade ‘s album of the month.

Around that time the band offered people a chance to win 'Bender', the loving member of their tour family; a customized silver Burns marquee which had played probably 300+ shows with the band and was a big part of the writing and recording of both their albums.  In the end Elina Lin was announced as the winner and she decided to gift the guitar to Girls Rock London – much respect to Elina :-)

So, after all that, what about the actual album that I'm supposed to me reviewing?  Well, it's truly a breath of fresh air.  The selection of eleven tracks is absolutely inspired, and pleasingly varied in content and style whilst simultaneously maintaining a coherent sound and identity.  I refer to my earlier comments about my overall approach to publishing album reviews, but will add that having seen the band's videos does help to add to my enjoyment of this album. Rakel's voice readily evokes images of her cheeky,  infectious smile, especially when during 'Sports!' she asks, “do you even play this sport”?  I was also extremely taken by the reerence to Kylie in 'Hold On Me', some more pretentious bands might have viewed such a reference as a step too far, but given the make up of my show playlists, I have absolutely no problem at all with this and applaud them for their honesty.  In addition the use of archive footage of much young band members for the 'Hasta La Vista' video is really quite inspired.

There are some tremendously high energy of tracks such as my 'track of the month' selection 'Sports!', the title track 'So When You Gonna …' and 'Hasta La Vista', and these are masterfully counterpointed with such intensely emotive ones such as 'Temporary', about miscarriage and 'After The Rain' with it's hauntingly intense vocals about abortion.   This album covers all bases and I genuinely believe that it deserves to be given a fair hearing.

In summary I truly feel that any future reviews should probably be more along the lines of. “if you like most of the music that I play in my radio shows, then please believe me when I say that you really should check out ….......”

One other spur for writing this and is that I have selected the album’s opening track, ‘Sports!’ as my ‘track of the month’ for August and am just about to give it its first play.  Perhaps in future I should aim to focus mainly on covering my 'track of the month selections which I am very pleased to play around half way through the second hour of every one of my shows.

Track listing:

1/ Sports!

2/ Hasta La Vista

3/ Homesick

4/ Validation

5/ Temporary

6/ U Do U

7/ RH RN

8/ Old Flame

9/ So When You Gonna

10/ Hold On Me

11/ After The Rain