#I am closer. I have to keep telling myself that. Things have been ruled out and those are steps in the right direction

[ghostieyanyan]

Hello uuuh what yandere riddle rose heart react if he met Mc like...mc is the princess of redrose thorn in another kingdom and she is the house warden president in another school....she is powerful...and mc doesn't have too strict rules but mcs student respect her and there are only 5 rules...1 don't be late 2 always do your cleaning day 3 no running in the halls 4 always respect and kind each other 5 never let the house warden president mad.......cause mc gets really scary than riddle and mc sometimes a little crazy and punished of who will messing with her classmates dorm or who will getting violent...

~Rose Princess! Mc~

Yan!Riddle x Rose Princess! Mc

Warning: yandere, implied kidnapping, maybe some misspellings,

I made it so this mc isn't perfect! i hope that's okay

~~~

Riddle ran things his way. its either you follow all of his rules or "off with your head!" Even after the overblot, he's became or lenient but overall he's still a stickler for rules.

When Riddle met you, he didn't really mind it too much. you were just mixed with those other trouble makers in school. as long as you didn't get in to trouble, he'll stay out of your way.

That changed when he keep seeing you in Heartslabyul. its one thing is he were to find you with ace, deuce, grim, and the prefect. but its another when he sees you messing with his roses!!!

"Hey!!"

You jumped and wiped your head around to see a red faced Riddle.

"Who gave you authorization to touch the roses?!"

When he got closer, he realized you were tending to the roses! You were cutting off the dead branches that other students will either ignore or not noticed. Those branches are often by the roots of the brush, which makes it an unpleasant job to do. It showed on your hands and arms too. Cuts from the roses thorns...

"Oh my! I am very sorry, Head housewarden."

You stood up and bowed your head. which he wasn't prepared for a formal greeting. With the crowd you spend your time with... who could blame him...

"i noticed that some of the branches were rotting, so I've taken it upon myself to tend to them before they spread. i told Vice warden Trey ahead of time which he'd told me... he'll tell you..."

Riddle blinked. He looked at your work, the roots have been cleared of its old rotten branches and it looked overall more healthier. He turned to look at a basket you had, it was filled with a mixture of tools and roots. Riddle shifted his glaze at you. You're uniform was messy, with rips and dirt everywhere...

"Im sorry House Warden! i should have came to you directly for this request! Im sorry!"

You bowed your head again.

Riddle looked at everything one more time and turned to you.

"How do you know how to tend to the roses..? Not a lot of people know or even think about working with roses because of their thorns.."

You lifted your head, swiping your uniform to get rid of any lose dirt.

"Im..."

You bit your tongue for a moment then let out a breathe to continue.

"Im a Princess Redrose Thorn..."

Riddle had to do a double take on you.

"A princess..??"

There was an awkward moment of silence. You were about to continue when Riddle stopped you.

"finish with what you are doing here and after you are done, clean up and meet me in my room, please."

Riddle turned on his heel and started to walk away, after finishing with-.

"I'd like to discuss this when you are more presentable."

Then he was off..

~

Before your "meet up," he got himself your records. You were a princess in a land that are known for their different variations of roses. Nothing like Queendom of Roses, his homeland.

He found your last school, and how you had a very important role in that school. That was, before you were accepted in Night Raven College...

While he was lost in thought, looking at your files, he hears a knock.

"Come it!"

Riddle watched your head peep out behind the door. He tried to keep a neutral face but kinda failed...

"Ahem-! Please take a seat! I've.. made tea."

Watching Riddle stammer a bit was cute. you gave him a smile and walked inside, closing the door on the way. Riddle took the chance to pull out your seat, "out of respect".

There was an awkward moment of quiet but you didn't mind it. You took the opportunity too look at the house warden's room. Its as you expected it. Everything is neat and tidy. Everything is where it should be, very orderly. You see lots of books!! On his book shelf, on his desk, side table, they weren't messy but neatly stacked which you appreciate.

"Ahem!"

You jumped and turned to Riddle. You didn't mean to get lost in thought but you did.

"About the roses..."

"I really am sorry for messing with them without your permission, head-"

"Riddle. And its alright, i haven't seen anyone pay that much attention to their responsibility in the dorm. Normally they cut corners and not thing of the overall dorm structure."

He took a sip of his tea and glared to the imaginary freshman Heartslaybul students to the side.

"heh.. I just know how to tend to them."

"You said that you are a princess? why would a princess actively gets her hands dirty?"

"Oh!"

You laughed as you looked at your tea cup, running your fingers against the details of the saucer.

"where ive from, id like to rule hands on."

You straighten yourself and looked at Riddle. He swore you were glowing.

"The place i protect is my home too. As a princess, i have big responsibilities but i cant forget the little things either. That's why i like to be hands on."

Riddle felt a stammer coming, so he took a sip to stop it.

"Your homeland... its also practices the Queen of Hearts rule, correct?"

"well... yes and no?"

Riddle felt a twitch, how could you follow someone like the queen of hearts without following all her rules to a T? You're basically making a mockery of her... what a joke..

"My kingdom believes in what she stand for. Strength and Beauty! like a Rose with their thorns. Roses are used of many things, but they are not push overs. That's what we believe."

You took a sip but continued.

"Before i was accepted into Night Raven College, I was a part of another school, Rose Royal Academy. You could think of it as if Heartslabyul was a whole school. You could say i was the "housewarden" so i understand how things should run."

Riddle looked at you surprised. Honestly he was only listening partly to what you were saying, he was distracted by the way your lips moved... But he was quick grounded after hearing you were borderline a housewarden??

"Wait! how could you run a whole school without following all the rules of the queen of hearts?? It would have been mayhem! The students need structure, if not theyre just wild beast!!"

You looked at him surprised and kinda insulted by the idea of your classmates before were "such beast.' You coughed but answered his question.

"it wasnt like we didnt have rules, we just had 5."

You took a sip of tea as Riddle coughed.

"5?!?!"

"Yes. 5."

You placed your cup down and held up 5 fingers to name the rules.

"1, don't be late. Everyone should be punctual with time unless there's an emergency. 2, always do your cleaning day. Everyone has a task to clean a part of the school, classroom, dorms, gym, cafeteria, even the rose gardens. This place is our home and it will not be tolerated living in a mess! 3, no running in the halls. You could hurt someone or even hurt yourself. Running is only allowed for gym or emergency. 4, always respect and be kind to each other. We should all aim to help each other. And if you don't like someone, agree to disagree or compromise. 5, never let the house warden president mad. If you break one of the rules with a valid reason, your punishment will be light. If i smell deceive, your punishment will be swift and one to remember."

You both sat there for a minute of silences.

"w-well, thats how i ran things. we still had unbirthday parties, tea parties, etc. but overall those were the rules."

Riddle sat there staring, kinda like watching a wheel turning. he was about to respond to you before a knock was heard from the door.

"come in!"

Trey walked in with Cater following behind.

"we're hear with the repor- oh! sorry are we interrupting?"

"oooo~ what's happening here~? this seems very romantic."

Riddle's face turned red.

"what?!? its just a-"

"Riddle invited to talk about my years before NRC. I should be heading out anyway. I have to get some books in the library."

Riddle jumped up from his seat.

"if you need a book, i might have one here..?"

Trey and Cater stood to the side watching there Housewarden fumble at you.

"heh.. its alright. i asked the librarian to hold that book for me a few days ago. Thank you though. And thank you for the tea. Good bye."

You bowed your head as you walked out. Trey and Cater quickly turned to their friend, noticing how red he is..

"awww.. sorry for interrupting your little date house warden~"

"Hem-! Cater, i expect the roses in the hallways to be all clean and have fresh water before curfew.."

"a...ah... okay."

Trey holds in a laugh.

~~~

The next coming days, Riddle watches you help the other Heartslaybul students, in there tasks or school work. The students started to call you their Rose mom. Sweet and gentle but will show thorns if underestimated.

He has watched you tell a student to go finished their assignment for a class their falling behind and let you finished their cleaning task.

He also watched you help Ace, Deuce, Prefect, and Grim with an assignment with Crewel.

He watched you help Trey in the kitchen and watched you help Cater set the table for an unbirthday party.

With everything you do that made his heart flutter, you do something that made him wish that you would help him, mainly stay by his side.

A dark part of him wanted to keep you to himself and personally train you to stay by his side. That sweet attitude of yours should be his and his alone.

He'll make you his prefect rose. if he shaped you just right, his mother might accept you as a daughter-in-law. With you by his side, he could do anything.

So just wait a little longer, he'll get everything ready for you~

~~~

[runawaycatwalker]

Part 31. Perfect Dichotomy (Midnight Rendezvous, Part A)

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Description below the cut

Chat Noir attempts to sit on the rolling chair by Marinette’s computer, but Ladybug pulls his tail and points at the chaise lounge instead.

Ladybug: Over here.  We can sit on the chaise lounge together.

Chat Noir: Oh?  You want me to be closer?

Chat exaggeratedly sprawls out onto Ladybug’s lap, arching his back and flinging his arms above his head.  Ladybug looks down at him with a teasing grin.

Chat Noir: How about this close?

Ladybug: A cat lying on my lap, huh?  That sounds...

Ladybug scratches the top of Chat’s head as he grins with deep pleasure.

Ladybug: Purr-fect.

Chat turns over and hugs Ladybug’s shin while she gives Chat more head scritches and rubs his back.

Ladybug: So… wanna tell me what's got you so spooked about Mayura?

Chat Noir: She and Catwalker… talked.  About me.  She mentioned some things that not many people would know.

Flashback to “Glaciator”: Marinette and Chat Noir rest on the railing of the balcony and look at each other as the moon shines over the city.

Ladybug (voiceover): But Marinette knows?  I suppose you have visited her a fair bit.  It's not all that surprising that you've shared some personal things with her...

Chat looks up at Ladybug and holds his finger and thumb an inch apart.

Chat Noir: It’s a bit more complicated than that.  Though I suppose I am missing some key details...

Ladybug puts her fist on her chin in contemplation (Her other hand continues giving Chat scritches).

Ladybug: So Catwalker’s been hiding things from you too...?

Chat Noir: More like Mayura was being extra cryptic—or lying.  All I really know for sure is that she’s looking for me.

Ladybug: I still don't understand why she cares so much...

Chat holds his hands out in a self-satisfied ‘Oh well!’ gesture.  (Ladybug stops giving him scritches).

Chat Noir: I like getting on villains' nerves, what can I say? I'll just have to keep frustrating her in our little game of 'Cat and Mouse'.

Ladybug pulls out the pillow from under her leg and ‘bonks’ Chat Noir on the head with it as he tries to placate her with a large grin.

Ladybug: Why do you make it sound like you’ve been doing something really stupid?

Chat Noir: Just because my methods are ridiculous, it doesn’t mean they don’t work!

Ladybug: That is not reassuring.

Chat leans against the chaise lounge next to Ladybug, hands clasped.

Chat Noir: Don’t worry, LB.  I’ve got it handled. I think the bigger problem is what prompted you to bring me here.  Wanna tell me what's wrong?

Chat kneels a leg next to Ladybug and places one hand on her arm and the other on her back.

Ladybug: I'm not sure how to explain...

Chat Noir: Start anywhere.  I think I can keep up.

Ladybug closes her eyes and holds her head in her hands with an expression of longing.

Ladybug: It's... Catwalker.  He's too perfect.

Chat Noir: ...You lost me.

A series of flashbacks with events shown pretty much as they occurred:

Flashback to “Kuro Neko”: Catwalker peeks around the corner at Kuro Neko, while Ladybug leans forward, catching her breath.

Ladybug (voiceover): He notices things that I'm too blind to see.

Catwalker (flashback): If that was Chat Noir, don't you think he'd talk to you?

Flashback to Part 6: View of Catwalker and Ladybug from below as they travel across the sky.

Catwalker (flashback): I can’t rule that out, but… my gut says that’s not it.

Ladybug (voiceover): His instincts about akumas are much better than mine.

Flashback to “Kuro Neko”: Ladybug looks at Catwalker as they kneel on a rooftop.

Ladybug (voiceover): It's like he already knows the answer I need.

Catwalker (flashback): Cats sometimes eat grass, it helps them spit out their hairballs.

Flashback to Part 8: A close-up of Ladybug looking right next to a close-up of Catwalker looking left.

Catwalker (flashback): You still have a multitude of people who can help you.

Ladybug (voiceover): And he's just nudging me to think of it myself.

Flashback to Part 18: Ladybug, still falling, throws her yo-yo through one of the holes in the lower conical barrier.  In the cone above, Catwalker places his hand against its barrier.  Both barriers begin to disintegrate.

Ladybug (voiceover): He always finds the right moment to use his powers.

Catwalker (flashback): Cataclysm!

Flashback to Part 26: Ladybug uses her yo-yo to flee as Oni-Chan lunges towards her.  But behind Oni-Chan, Catwalker has backflipped into the room behind her, his finger touching the amok with his Cataclysm.

Ladybug (voiceover): But I just ruin the opportunities he gives me because I never expect him to live up to you.

Flashback to Part 15: Ladybug turns back to looking down at the city below.  Catwalker holds up a hand to offer a friendly suggestion.

Catwalker (flashback): If you’d like to talk about anything, I’d be happy to stay and listen.

Ladybug (voiceover): And even when I can't do anything, he still acts so unbelievably kind...

Flashback to “Kuro Neko”: Catwalker, illuminated by the moon, reaches his hand before him for Ladybug to hold.

Ladybug (voiceover): He's just so... perfect.

Catwalker (flashback): Now I want to take care of you.

Ladybug (voiceover): But then I learned the truth:

Another series of flashbacks, with events depicted slightly off from what actually happened and Catwalker showing more malice.

Flashback to Part 12: Catwalker almost pointedly looks towards Carapace, who looks away guiltily.

Ladybug (voiceover): He lies and bends the truth with ease.

Catwalker (flashback): We only assume Adrien wants to be found.

Flashback to Part 17: Catwalker looks down towards Ladybug, the hand in front of him leaning on one of the barriers between them.

Catwalker (flashback): If he was dead, no one would know.

Ladybug (voiceover): And his lies lead to people suffering.

Flashback to Part 19: Catwalker steps forward, his hands palm upward in front of him, trying to explain himself.

Ladybug (voiceover): He'll use his heroic duty as an excuse to hold back.

Catwalker (flashback): I can't be as lax as Chat Noir was.

Flashback to Part 14: Catwalker grabs the end of Rena’s flute and pulls up the phone screen. Embedded flashback bubble from Part 20: Alya looks away and rubs the back of her neck.

Alya (flashback): He stole my phone number from my flute.

Ladybug (voiceover): But he crosses boundaries he shouldn't with no excuse.

Flashback to “Kuro Neko”: Catwalker pauses as he leaves Ladybug to finish everything on her own.

Ladybug (voiceover): He pretends to do what I want.

Catwalker (flashback): I won't make another move.

Flashback to Part 28: Astrowalker, wrapped tightly in yo-yo string (even his wings have been folded in on themselves and bound), hangs upside-down as Cosmobug points angrily at his face.

Catwalker (flashback): I followed you in case I needed to stay in your way.

Ladybug (voiceover): But he goes rogue once I'm not watching.

Flashback to Part 8: Catwalker lays on his side next to Emilie, reaching away from her.  Embedded flashback bubble from Part 20: Marinette clenches her fists in front of her, looking haunted.

Ladybug (voiceover): I can only guess at what other awful things he's hidden beneath my nose.

Marinette (flashback): What if he used his powers on his mom?

Flashback to Part 4: Catwalker grins at Ladybug with perfect posture, his hands on his lap.

Ladybug (voiceover): His perfection is an illusion.

Catwalker (flashback): I considered what I needed in order to be your 'ideal' partner.

Ladybug (voiceover): And I don't know what prices were paid to uphold his illusion.

Flashbacks end. Chat Noir kneels next to Ladybug on the chaise lounge as they embrace.

Chat Noir: I'm sorry, m'Lady. It's unfair that you've had to go through all of this.  If Catwalker is so wrong... would it be better if I was your Chat Noir again?

Ladybug: I wish I could let you. But I can't let Mayura target you.  Even if you were careful, she'd probably go after your loved ones in retaliation.  I won't let that happen.

Chat Noir: Alright.  Then what's the best way for me to support you?

Ladybug: Tell me how to fix everything?  *sob* I'm sorry, I don't think there's anything you can do.

Chat Noir: You're underestimating me.  And I think that you're underestimating him.  You're right that he's not perfect.  But I do think he's trying to be good.

Ladybug: I wish I had your ability to believe in people.  But Catwalker is too good of a liar.  I can't really know if he cares about anyone.  But I have to keep him as my partner.  I just have no idea how.

Chat Noir stands and rubs his chin in thought as Ladybug looks on.

Chat Noir: What if... What if I showed you the truth about Catwalker?

Ladybug: The... 'truth'?  You don't mean his identity, do you?

Chat Noir: No, of course not.  But this could fundamentally change how you see him—you wouldn't even need his name to trust him again.

Chat smiles down and touches his chest with both hands.

Ladybug: I can't see how that's remotely possible.

Chat Noir: You trust me even though you don't know who I am, don’t you?

Ladybug: Because I know you.

Chat Noir: Because you got to know me.  And if you knew the truth, you could know him too.

Chat scratches his head sheepishly and holds up a finger.  Ladybug turns away with hands raised, exasperated.

Chat Noir: There's just one itty-bitty catch.

Ladybug: Of course there's a catch...

Chat looks away, rubbing his arm.

Chat Noir: If I share this with you...?  My identity would make it dangerously easy to figure out who he is.  And a part of me was kinda hoping that I could show you who I am tonight.

Ladybug’s eyes widen in astonishment.

Ladybug: You wanted to share identities?

Chat Noir: Just mine.  I know his identity, so I shouldn't risk learning yours too anytime soon.

Chat leans down to touch Ladybug’s shoulder and holds up his fist encouragingly.

Chat Noir: But if you want to be absolutely certain of Catwalker's loyalties?  To understand the person who is hiding behind the mask?  I'd need to keep my identity from you a little while longer.

Chat Noir raises both hands to offer two options.  Above his right hand is the image of Catwalker.  Above his left is the image of Adrien Agreste.

Chat Noir: But it’s your choice, Ladybug: Learn the underlying truth about your new partner?  Or learn the civilian identity of your old partner?

Below is the same image as above, only without text:

[matchaxberries]

hihii idk when you’ll get around to this, but could you write something about Moira from Overwatch comforting a very upset reader?? not really upset about a specific thing, but the reader is distraught

thanks ^^

Táim Anseo Dhuit

Moira O'Deorain x GN!Reader

Warnings: Maybe OOC Moira? Short, no actual warnings tbh

Being with Moira was, far from easy. Her personality was difficult, and often Angela would come to you asking you to please reason with her for a multitude of reasons. You sit on your two's shared bed, as she works away in her office the room over. You hated how others spoke of Moira, even in front of your face knowing you two had started something official recently. Sometimes the whispers get to you, you can’t help it. You read through the Overwatch agencies group chat, and spot Moira's name from Angela. You read over the not kind words shared between her and others. Tears begin to well up in your eyes, and you lock your phone. A sniff escapes from yourself, and you bring your sleeve up to your eyes attempting to wipe away the tears that threaten to spill.

Moira works away in her medical office, reading and flipping through a clipboard of papers with a small sigh. Her eyes narrow as she sits the clipboard down, pinching the bridge of her nose. She decides to take a small break, and leaves her office dropping her white coat onto the floor behind her. She shuts her lab door, and makes her way into her bedroom where you sit on the bed. As soon as she walks in she can sense there's something wrong. "(Y/n), is something the matter?" She smoothly questions, bed dipping in where she sits by yourself. You look at her with slightly teary eyes, shaking your head no, even though that's obviously not true. She gives a small hum, leaning closer to yourself taking your face into her own hand at the chin, tilting your head up at her; as she sits a bit taller than you on the bed. "A ghrá, if you do not wish to tell me what troubles you that is fine, though do not lie to myself." She places a small kiss onto your lips, eyes staying narrowed with an unreadable expression as she pulls away.

You sniff a bit, leaning your face into Moira's hand that rests at the side of your face, against your cheek. You stare into her bi-colored eyes, and she stares back, not breaking the gaze. She uses her thumb to wipe away tears from your eye, as they slow down to a stop. She gives you a small, half smile, though it looks more like a smirk on herself. “Whenever anything is wrong, (y/n), you may only ask for my help, yes?” Her hand leaves your face, and comes to your hand, she intertwines her slender fingers with yours, and uses her other hand to pet your hair softly, smoothing it out. As her hand sinks into your hair, your worries fade away, the words you read from others leave your mind, and Moira continues her petting at your hair, running her fingers through it, combing it back. You give her a smile, “better now?” She questions yourself.

You nod to her, and squeeze her hand that is interlocked to yours, playing a bit with her fingers. She lightly pulls you forward, herself falling back into the plush mattress you two had been sitting upon, pulling you onto herself to coddle you kindly. It feels uncharacteristic, though you know how her sharp edges soften for you. You lay, head against her chest as she keeps a hand in your hair, her other hand rests at the small of your back. You blink slowly for a moment, then close your eyes shut, beginning to let yourself drift off in Moira’s arms.

© matchaxberries

[You do not have permission to repost, edit, or claim my work as your own/share it on any other platform. Only reblogs are okay.]

Character count: 3,150

A/N: This was so much shorter than I intended, and I know you said reader has no reason for being upset but my brain had an idea and I ran with it 😖 I hope you enjoy! (Also the title means “I am here for you” it’s actually one of her voice lines from the game!)

Masterlist

Request Rules

[archangeldyke-all]

hihi angel! i’m sorry tumblr keep eating ur asks 😔 i sent in a few but i don’t think you got them so here’s one!:

so, let's say that r and sevika have been married for a few years now. things have definitely mellowed out so they try something new!

every once in a while sev and reader will play a game. the rules are: go out to a club/bar, act like we don't know each other, one of us tries to seduce the other, whoever manages to get the other "in bed" wins.

how would this play out?

🌕

i love this so much.

men and minors dni

you sigh, taking another sip of the wine in front of you as you shuffle through the papers on the bar. it's finals season, and as a professor, you're swamped with grading.

you rarely take work outside of school or your little desk at home, but you needed a change of environment after grading papers for six hours straight in your apartment. so, here you are, a little tipsy and trying to keep your grading as harsh as usual as the alcohol mellows you out.

"professor?" a voice rasps out. you look up from your papers, pushing your reading glasses up to sit on your head, and blink at the woman in front of you.

you recognize her, vaguely. you teach five different classes, the average class size is close to 200 students. so you don't know her name. but as you study her face, she becomes more familiar to you. you smile.

"you're the one who's always cracking open a red bull in the middle of my lectures." you accuse, pointing at the woman in front of you.

she chuckles and nods, ducking her head in embarrassment.

"sorry. three hour lecture at five o'clock... i get sleepy." she admits. you chuckle.

"i'm not entertaining enough for you?" you ask. she gasps.

"no! y-you're very entertaining! my favorite class! i just have to get up early on tuesdays so i'm tired by the ti--"

"relax." you cut her off, giggling. "i hate the evening classes too. mostly, i'm just sad you've never brought me a red bull."

she grins. "i'm sevika." she thrusts her hand forward. you shake it, smiling at her.

"hello, sevika. i think i remember your paper." you say, chuckling.

"really?"

"mhm. just graded it an hour ago." you nod.

she sits in the stool next to you, grinning. "well?" she asks. you chuckle.

"well, what?"

"how'd i do?" she asks. you smirk at her.

"well, i can't tell you that." you say. she pouts.

"no?" she asks. you shake your head no. she hums, then turns around and flags down the bartender. "another, for her. and a whiskey for me." she requests. he nods and walks away, and you raise an eyebrow at your student.

"i'm still not telling you your grade."

"what, i can't buy my favorite professor a drink at the end of the semester as a thanks?" she asks. you roll your eyes and lean back in your stool, willing to entertain this for a few minutes before you go back to grading. you need a quick break anyways.

"am i really your favorite, or are you just saying that?" you ask. the bartender delivers your drinks, and you take a sip while sevika answers.

"no, you're my favorite by far." she promises. you snort.

"so, sevika, what're you studying?" you ask.

sevika chokes on her whiskey, glares at you, and then composes herself. you have to bite back a laugh. "uh... math?" she guesses.

you burst into laughter. "'re you guessing or telling?"

"telling." she decides, nodding. "math."

you have to bite your lip to keep from surging forward and kissing her right here and now. her eyes catch on the action, and you have to kick her under the bar to keep her from doing anything stupid. "and how did you find yourself in an english class, math major?"

sevika grins, and scoots even closer to you. "i heard the professor was a stunner." she says. "wanted to see for myself. i would've dropped the fuckin' class if it wasn't you teaching. i hate writing. but... it's nice lookin' at you for three hours a week." she whispers.

you gulp, reaching forward to tuck a strand of her hair behind her ear. "that explains your horrible paper."

sevika bursts into laughter, then downs the rest of her drink. you do the same, sensing that your night might be headed somewhere else. "is there anything i can do for extra credit?" she asks, her eyes trailing down your body.

butterflies explode in your stomach. you tilt your head to the side, examining your student and licking your lips. "i think i could figure something out." you say.

thirty minutes later, you're back at your place, sevika on her knees in front you as she helps you get into your strap harness.

you help her stand again once she's done, and then jump on her bed and make yourself comfortable in the middle. she blinks at you.

"what?"

"why're you laying down?" sevika asks, as she crawls onto bed after you. you chuckle as she hovers over you, pulling her down for a kiss.

"honey, if you want the extra credit, you gotta earn it." you mumble against her lips. you have to bite your tongue to keep from laughing at the way sevika's eyes go all wide and glossy. "now be a good girl 'n ride it."

sevika's breath trembles, and she scrambles to follow your instructions, quickly straddling your hips and lining your cock up to her.

sevika doesn't hesitate to sink down and take you in a single go. it makes you whimper. she grins, her eyes rolling in the back of her skull as she adjusts to the stretch. you sink your fingers in her hips, grinning up at her. "there you go, baby."

"f-fuck." she whines as she starts grinding small circles against you. "fuck. been dreamin' about this."

you giggle. "yeah?" you ask. sevika leans forward, planting her hands on either side of your shoulders as she starts to ride you. you both groan.

"y-yes. god, fuck, it's your voice. i re-watch the lectures you post online 'n touch myself to the sound of you." she whimpers. you gasp, pleasure coursing through you at her revelation, and start thrusting in time with sevika's movements, desperate for more.

"shit, baby, tell me more." you whine.

your eyes are locked on her tits-- swaying in time with her movements. sevika's muffling her moans against the top of your head. "ffffuck-- fuck, love those glasses you wear." she whines.

you chuckle. "yeah?"

"and those fuckin', shit, ah, those blazers." sevika whines.

you smack her ass. she gasps, pulls away to glare at you. you smirk up at her. "keep goin' baby, you got a D on your paper." you encourage. sevika rolls her eyes and flicks your forehead, and you burst into giggles pulling her in for a kiss.

"pause." she whispers against your lips. you hum, nodding up at her, waiting to hear what she needs to tell you as your real-life wife.

"you okay?"

"i'd never get a D on a paper, babe. c'mon." she huffs. you burst into laughter, smacking her ass again before pulling her in for another kiss.

"how's C sound?"

"fine." she grunts, before sitting up and starting to ride you again. "unpause." she grunts. "so, where's my grade at now, professor?" she asks.

you giggle up at her, palming at her tits. "well, you started at a C." you emphasize. sevika nods, grinning down at you. you chuckle. "i'd say you're at a solid B+ now." you say. she grins.

"yeah? how do i make it an A?" she asks. you grin.

"well, for an A i wanna see you cum on my cock, baby. for an A+, you'll make me cum too." you shrug.

sevika loves a challenge-- and it's not like either of you are too far from cumming. she readjusts, bringing her hands down on your tits to steady herself as she starts to bounce on your dick.

the new angle makes you both moan. the base of the strap's pressing on your cunt over and over, and from the way she's shivering you know it's hitting sevika's g-spot, too. you reach between your bodies to start rubbing her clit. she groans.

"professor!" she exclaims. you giggle a bit. "fuck, i'm gonna--"

"yeah? gonna cum all over my cock, baby? go ahead, honey, i know you want it. know you've been dreamin' about it for weeks. sittin' in class, watchin' me work. when you'd go home after-- were you wet?" you ask.

sevika whimpers and nods. you grin.

"good. cum on this dick 'n show me how wet you can get for me." you demand. sevika growls, bites your throat, and cums on top of you. you try your best to keep thrusting into her as she shakes, whispering encouragement to her as you do. "there you go, baby. there you go."

eventually sevika stops moving and whining, and you smack her ass a third time. she grunts against you.

"you okay?" you ask, dropping your proper professor voice. she nods against you.

"i gotta get my A+." she mumbles, smacking your shoulder with a limp hand. "take your strap off so i can eat you out."

you snort. "you gotta get off the strap before i can take it off, babe."

sevika groans. "nooo." she whines. you kiss her cheek.

"stay here, baby. 's long as you need." you say, wrapping your arms around her and scratching her head. she huffs.

"'m just gonna nap for, like, ten minutes." she promises. "n' then i'll get to you. wake me up, okay?" she asks. you snort and pepper her head with kisses.

"alright." you giggle.

sevika's just about to start snoring when she blinks back awake, looking up at you.

"i love you." she says, smiling. "this was fun and all, but. i'm glad your my wife 'n not my professor."

you grin. "i love you too, baby."

taglist!

@fyeahnix @sapphicsgirl @half-of-a-gay @thesevi0lentdelights @sexysapphicshopowner @shimtarofstupidity @love-sugarr @chuucanchuucan @222danielaa @badbye666 @femme-historian @lia-winther @gr0ssz0mbi3 @ellsss @sevikaspillowprincess @leomatsuzaki @emiliabby @sevikasbeloved @hellorai @vikasub @glass-apothecary

[temperancelenore]

It’s April of 2023 and I’ve undoubtedly just met the love of my life. I don't think I really understood love before this moment, not really. I’m not much a believer of love at first sight, but I know the overwhelming feeling I had when we met was a feeling of recognition. We’ve met before. We have taken this journey thousands of times across many lifetimes, and I’m sure my soul has been calling him Angel for longer than I could ever know. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a man but never thought could be wrapped up into one person. He looks like all of my imaginary boyfriends I had as a kid. He’s soft spoken, he’s gentle, not to mention he’s built like a Greek god. Everything about him is perfect, he’s just missing one thing: a social security number. That’s no big deal, I tell myself. We can figure that out later. I've never had much respect for this country or its rules anyway. After all, how hard can it be to get a green card or citizenship?

Really hard, apparently. He tells me his uncle has citizenship but it took him ten years to get it, not to mention the thousands of dollars it cost as well.

I knew very little of the hatred towards brown people in this country. Of course I knew it existed, and that it got a lot worse when a certain orange got on stage and called them drug addicts and rapists, an action that to my utter shock and horror- was met with a symphony of cheers. I pass it off as a boomer mentality and the lingering of racism from a past much closer than I realize, and tell myself that people with that mindset will all be left behind eventually. It's a dying breed, after all.

It’s our first date and we’re going to the movies. Whatever movie we saw probably sucked, because unfortunately any memory of that movie or even its name is not what I remember from this day. What sticks out in my mind is the strange feeling of being watched while we waited in line for tickets. I looked around, and to my deep disturbance I was right. There are several older men, middle aged white women, and even a group of teenagers that are looking at us with a glare I can't quite understand. Disgust? Anger? Maybe even fear? Am I dating the town weirdo and everyone else knows it except me? I squeeze my boyfriend's hand, and almost say something to him before I have a sudden realization that, before this moment, I had truly not even thought twice about: we are an interracial couple. Oddly, I didn’t think it would be a big deal in 2023, even in a small town in the south, but I was all of sudden very much aware that we didn’t share the same skin color, and that might be a problem for more people than I thought.

Over time I get used to these looks. It happens almost every time we go out and I hardly notice it anymore, unless somebody gets a little too close for comfort. Angel acts like he doesn’t notice it either, or maybe he hasn’t noticed, I can never tell.

In August of 2023, we are going to see my favorite band live in my hometown. It’s his first concert and I feel so grateful I get to be there to have that experience with him. I know it's going to be a good night. That is, until about halfway through the third band to play that night. The drunkest man I’ve ever seen in my life is sexually harassing two women in front of us. We scoot up, putting space between the belligerent drunkard and the girls. He gets as close as he can to Angel without touching him. He puffs his chest out like a bird, and says,

“You’re one of those fucking savages, aren’t you?”

I feel the blood rush to my face. I wish I could say I was angry, that I got in his face and yelled at him, threatened him, told him that Angel has been boxing since he was a child, but I didn’t. In reality I was more scared than anything. My boyfriend stays silent to keep himself calm, and so do I. The regretful silence is so loud, louder than the band playing in front of us, louder than my heartbeat pounding in my ears. The man tries multiple times to start a fight without throwing the first punch.

The drunkard's friends come to get him after an uncomfortably long time and apologize for his behavior. “Just keep him away from us, please.” “Yes of course, I promise he’s not usually like this.” I don’t care what he’s usually like, please just keep him away from us. Naturally, he sneaks away from his friends who are too busy moshing to notice and meanders his way back over to us. He sticks out his hand for my boyfriend to shake, as a faux truce. They do not shake hands. He tries another five times, repeatedly jutting his hand towards my boyfriend's chest. They still do not shake hands. He tries a different strategy to get a reaction, which I have to say was much more effective. He snakes his hand around my waist and attempts to pull me in for a hug. I am quickly whisked away, and Angel pushes the man down through quite a few rows of people trying to enjoy the show, who are now looking back at Angel and the man. His friends come and grab him again and I don't see him on the floor for the rest of the night. After the concert, I’m afraid he is following us.

Angel, who I have always known to be very level headed and gentle, rants on the way to the car. He’s so angry I could almost see tears forming in his eyes. He says he would’ve fought him, he wanted to hit him, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t risk being arrested because that would probably be the end of his life here in America. There was a security guard, maybe five feet away from us, watching the entire stand off take place without stepping a toe out of line until the drunk man hit the ground. We knew right there which side of history the guard was on.

It’s May of 2024 and my now boyfriend has been at Walmart for an alarming 3 hours. After another hour of sheer panicking and his family and I running around the store asking everyone who walked by if they had seen our person, the Walmart manager, tall, lanky, and ironically sharing the same skin tone as Angel, informs us with a smirk that he has been arrested for stealing bananas.

The woman at the window at the county jail doesn’t seem to be interested in talking to anyone except for me, and is particularly venomous towards my mother in law. I know it’s because she is a brown hijabi woman. I've figured out at this point how things play out when you don't have a bubble wrap layer of white skin around your body. The bondsman is also interested in talking to nobody but me. He asks me questions that make me feel like I am vouching for him not with the money I gave the bondsman or the papers I’ve signed, but with the esteemed value of my opinion of my partner as a white woman.

Angel comes home with us that night, but my sense of security is shattered. I don't let go of him for the rest of the night. I can’t even give a convincing portrayal of anger towards him. I can only think of how terrified I was that I didnt think I'd ever be able to touch him again, that God or the Universe or karma had decided I only deserved this one, short, blissful past year with my Angel.

We got very lucky with the deal we were offered in court, I think. Though I still don't think the court's time would’ve been wasted over a bundle of bananas if Angel's skin were a different color. The judge said if he goes through a sort of mental health rehabilitation program lasting 4-8 months, his record will be wiped clean. We take this deal, worried that the longer Angel's name was in the books, the bigger the chance that he could be picked up and shipped away from the only country he's ever known. While in the program, the counselor working with us sets up goals that we have to complete before he is able to graduate. The last item on the list is marriage.

Of course I wanted to marry him, and of course I did in November of that year. That very same counselor, who just so happened to be ordained, signed our marriage license. I can’t help but feel like our marriage is somehow now as real as everyone else’s. It wasn’t exactly on our own terms. Marriage was something we talked about looking forward to in the future, but not something we talked about doing any time soon. It felt like we were being asked to do this, it felt rushed, it felt somehow illegitimate, even though we all knew it was meant to legitimize Angels humanity to the higher ups in this program.

We certainly couldn’t afford a wedding, or even a fancy dress to go to the courthouse in. I’ve had my wedding dress picked out since I was 16 years old. As we drive to the courthouse, my husband promises me that I will have my day to wear that dress. I hope I do, but it feels like it gets farther out of reach by the day. Our wedding cake was a delicious cookie and cream cake from the same store that began all of this just 6 months earlier. This was the closest thing I've had to a wedding as of yet, but I still hope to one day tell that story too.

[champion-city-intern]

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SYSTEM INITIALIZATION SEQUENCE STARTED

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[✓] Boot Loader Engaged... [✓] Memory Check Complete - All Systems Go! [✓] Network Interface Online [✓] Security Protocols Verified - No Threats Detected [✓] AI Core Activation - Hello, RadarFalls!

>> WELCOME TO NEXOS V.1 << >> SYSTEM READY << >> PRESS ANY KEY TO CONTINUE... <<

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Is this thing on...? Is it working...? Oh gee... ...Ugh... Oh! Yay! It works! I thought it wouldn't—phew! I'm relieved that my device is functioning efficiently, even better than I expected! Haha— Ahem. Hello, hello! I’m uh—I’m Radar! Radar Falls! Intern of Champion City and assistant to the leader—dun dun dun! Stella! Ah... ha... ha... I thought that was necessary. Uh... sorry about that. I do that sometimes!Oh—right! Focus!I set up this account to—hopefully—make some friends and share updates about my life as an intern! Not that I don’t have friends! I do! Stella and my pet bunny, Blinky! She’s a black rabbit and adorable! And—oh!—I’m friends with Petra! She’s part of the New Order of the Stone, and she’s seriously cool. Uh... don’t tell anyone this, but Jesse kind of intimidates me. It’s not personal! Well, it sort of is. Stella says Champion City and Beacontown have a rivalry, and apparently, Jesse is the leader of Beacontown, so... yeah, I just avoid Beacontown when I can. Honestly, I never thought I’d ever be an intern! It’s one of my greatest achievements! Before this, I was on Stella’s Inventory Management Team—oh! I was really good at it! Organization? Lists? Sorting? Amazing. I love that kind of thing! Stella thought I did such a great job that she made me her intern! (Okay, I might be saying "intern" too much. Aha—sorry... Wait—I apologize too much, too! Oops. Mental note, work on that.) Oh! My device! I built it myself! Stella encouraged me to make something really creative—she says I have a great imagination, which is so cool to hear! So, I put my creativity to the test and designed this from scratch! Stella was impressed, but she let me keep it. Now... what should I call it? Naming things is hard! I go through, like, a million ideas before settling on one. Stella is a great boss! Sometimes she’s a little... harsh, but I know she means well! I like being around her—except when I don’t—but Petra is easier to be around. Less pressure. More fun. Less formal boss-y stuff, you know? Speaking of Petra—she’s amazing! We hang out when I’m on break—we walk, talk, and she’s teaching me how to wield my stone axe! She keeps telling me to upgrade to an iron axe, but I really want to use this one until it breaks first. No sense wasting resources! I get attached to things like that. Oh—and Blinky? Best friend material. She’s always there when I need her, and she has so much energy! Honestly, she matches mine perfectly. Stella gave her to me, and I love her so much. Thanks, Stella! ...Oh wow—I’ve been rambling. And bouncing between topics. Again. It happens! I just get excited! Whoops! Sorry! So uh—yeah! That’s all I’ve got for now. If you have questions, ask away! Just nothing mean or terrible, please. Teasing is fine—I think—but I don’t want to seem too sensitive... Even though maybe I am a little bit?Hope you enjoy your time here!

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SYSTEM POWERING DOWN

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| Goodbye, user. You were a delight. | | Saving last traces of brilliance… | | Uploading memories to the archives… | | Cooling processors…ZZzz… | | Final diagnostics…All systems clear. | | ☽ Entering sleep mode… | | See you in the next reboot. |

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(REFERENCE SHEET)

Silly Radar Backstory

Radar lived in a village situated between Champion City and Beacontown, though it was slightly closer to the former.

His parents, Mr. and Mrs. Falls, were far from ideal. They imposed strict rules on every aspect of his life—what he could do, what he could wear. But it wasn’t just them; the entire village was harsh toward anyone who deviated from their rigid expectations. His parents were more emotionally abusive than physically so—not the worst, but certainly not loving. As a result, Radar struggled to make friends. Most saw him as... odd.

When he turned 18, his parents kicked him out, leaving him to figure out his future on his own. For the first time, he was free to make his own choices. With his bags packed and determination set, he left the village in search of a better home.

That’s how he found himself in Champion City.

It took some time to adjust, but eventually, he settled into the structured, pristine environment. His next priority was finding a job—something that proved challenging until Stella offered him a position on her Inventory Management Team. In her own words, “To help you settle down a bit more, you know?” Radar was thrilled and accepted the opportunity without hesitation.

Stella quickly took notice of his efficiency and saw potential in him. She considered

making him her assistant—or rather, her intern—but decided to wait a month before finalizing the promotion. When she finally made him her intern, Radar was beyond ecstatic.

Then things took a turn for the worse.

The workload piled up, the stress became overwhelming, and he nearly quit several times. But Stella had a way of pulling him back in with clever manipulation, convincing him to stay. Whenever she sensed he was reaching his breaking point, she would offer small gestures to keep him going—like gifting him his beloved pet bunny, Blinky.

If he ever tried to leave, she would threaten to take Blinky away.

Eventually, Stella assigned Radar to oversee The Mines, and that’s where he met Petra. His nerves skyrocketed—after all, she was a member of the legendary New Order of the Stone. But to his surprise, she was incredibly laid-back, and they quickly bonded. They weren’t exactly best friends, though—they had their own respective closest companions: Jesse for Petra, Blinky for Radar.

Silly Radar HC's

-Aside from having ADHD and autism, he has anxiety, OCD, and low self-esteem.

-Since he's Asian, he speaks both English and Chinese.

-He uses his notebook for notes, sketches, and plans. While the other book is just a regular book that he reads.

-Radar uses a stone axe, pickaxe, and shield. He'll eventually move onto iron whenever he's ready.

-Like he said before, Petra trains him on how to fight. He's been doing pretty well in Petra's eyes.

-His favorite color is green, but is overshadowed because of Stella adoring the color purple.

-His parents weren't really the best. They kicked him out once he turned 18, so he moved into Champion City. This also adds onto why he has low self-esteem, anxiety, and OCD.

-Whenever Radar is thinking, he usually paces back and forth while talking under his breath.

-In this AU, Radar does not have a tattoo because Stella does not allow it. At all. If he could get a tattoo, it would be the Ender Dragon.

-Radar is very emotional.

-He does not have a decent sleep schedule, so sometimes he sleeps during the day and stays up all night.

-He doesn't eat a whole lot, but his comfort food are cookies. Sometimes he ends up binge eating them whenever he's around any cookies.

-He always tries to be as friendly as he can be! Which makes him naive to some degree.

-He absolutely loves Blinky with all his heart. :3

-I feel like he would listen to Hatsune Miku & enjoy Adventure Time.

Silly Relationships [UNLOCKED]

Jesse: Radar actually fears Jesse. Stella took advantage of the fact that Radar never lived in Champion City, so she convinced him both Champion City and Beacontown are rivals.

Petra: Ever since they met at The Mines, they both grew really close to each other. Not best friends, but really close friends that enjoy each other's presence.

Stella: She is like a toxic friend to Radar. She manipulated him, making him always rely on her and making him think she's his "best friend". [It's actually Blinky, but you get the point]

Lluna: He doesn't really interact with Lluna that much. Only when Stella wants him to watch over her or when he lets Blinky and Lluna play together.

Silly Relationships [LOCKED]

Nell: ???

Olivia: ???

Axel: ???

Lukas: ???

Jack: ???

Nurm: ???

Ivor: ???

Xara: ???

Romeo: ???

Silly shipping information

I'm the type of person who likes figuring out different ships that can either be overrated, underrated, or a rare pair. Yes, including the toxic ones... I just don't like ships that are bad and disgusting. I'm talking about ships in general.

My favorite Radar ship is Radell [Radar x Nell].

I usually headcanon Nell as 19-20 years old and then Radar 18-20.

I don't mind other ships for Radar though and I would love to know more Radar ships. <3

Here are the Radar ships I know of: Radell, Radian, Jessadar, and RAMA/PAMdar.

I don't know the ship name for Radar x Aiden. 😭

Silly Extras

Ask me through my inbox if you want to set up a roleplay account based on this AU or if you want to a roleplay through messages. We can also do roleplays through inbox, but messages and a roleplay blog would be way easier.

You're allowed to flirt and compliment Radar if you want! You can also do a little bit of suggestive stuff, but not too much since it makes me uncomfortable. :')

DNI: Homophobes, transphobes, racists, sexists, creepy people, dark humor jokes [I'm sensitive, but there are some jokes I can take], rude people, pedophilia, proships, maps. There's probably more, but I can't think of all of them right now.

(OOC INTRO)

Hello!

I am the creator of this Radar roleplay account. You can call me Purple since that's the name I usually go.

Here is my account: @purplefoxandpinkbear

Here are my other two roleplay accounts: @local-hero-in-residence , @the-framed-one

Here are some simple things you probably should know about me:

Cisgender Female

She/Her

Minor [4/21]

Loves MCSM and FNaF

I really love cute stuff and animals

#1 Radar fan [He genuinely makes me happy when I see him]

#1 Radell shipper

[boneapplet]

Love in the Dark

Relationship: Konrad Curze x oc/trans!reader Warnings: Night Lord creepiness, Curze, hinted identity issues Word Count: 1076 Masterlist

Thunder crackling overhead, breaking the eerie silence that encompasses The Fortress of the Night. Striking the pavement with a hissing sound, sizzling upon contact. A small figure weaving through the scarce cover offered in the courtyard.  The air is thick with a pungent, metallic scent, stinging the nostrils and making it difficult to breathe without a protective mask.

Gallius pushes open the grand doors of the fortress, eyes taking a moment to adjust to the dim lighting. Keeping his gaze ahead and ignoring the chill that goes down his spine from the gazes of the Night Lords that lurk in the shadows. The only Night Lord he wished to catch sight of was the Night Haunter himself, Konrad Curze, Primarch of the Night Lords, whose mind was a labyrinth of contradictions—part savior, part executioner.

While Gallius was no Night Lord nor even an astartes, his bond with the Night Lords' Primarch ran deeper than any title or loyalty. He was a soldier of the Imperium, a member of the Astra Militarum—one whose battle had not just been for survival, but for the right to live authentically. He had fought for the right to be seen as he was, to have his existence acknowledged, and in the face of Konrad Curze's endless torment, he saw the same fight reflected in the Primarch's tortured eyes.

Their connection had begun on distant battlefields, where Gallius had stood against the relentless forces of chaos at the Primarch’s side, a soldier not bound by the darkness of Nostramo, but by his own desperate need for meaning. Now, he stood in the shadow of the dark, twisted fortress where Curze had built his empire of fear and justice. And here, in this place where shadows ruled, their relationship was not just forged in the fires of war—it was formed in the spaces between words and the quiet moments when neither of them felt the need to hide their truths.

Nearing the imposing dark metallic door with twisted engravings adorning it, he catches sight of the lurking shadowy figures of Kyr Vhalen near the door and that of Jago Sevatarion perched on the rafters. Giving Vhalen a respectful bow as the marine departs, passing through the grand doors, Gallius enters the Primarch’s private quarters.

Curze stands before the large window, looking out across the darkened world of Nostramo, his expression unreadable. Gallius moves to stand behind him, watching the Primarch’s back. Both standing there for what may have well been hours. He had long learned that it was the silence that spoke the loudest.

"You know," Gallius says quietly, "sometimes I think about how many years I’ve spent running from my own reflection. I fought to be seen for who I truly was, but in the end, I wonder if I ever truly found myself."

He allowed the silence to stretch before continuing "Maybe I’ll never know."

Konrad’s voice low, barely more than a whisper "You think I still remember who I am? You think I’ve ever truly found myself?"

He glances back at Gallius, his piercing eyes filled with a mix of pain and weariness "I was created in blood and darkness, molded into something the universe could never understand. And yet… I still question if I’m the monster they tell me I am. Or if I’m just a man, haunted by a past I can’t escape."

Gallius steps closer, feeling the gravity of Curze’s words. He could never fully know the weight the Primarch carried, but he understands more than most.

"You’re not a monster, Konrad," his voice firm yet tender "I’ve seen the man underneath the terror. I’ve seen the man you try to hide."

For a moment, Curze seems to flinch at the words, and the stillness between them grows heavy, laden with unsaid things. Finally, he turns to face Gallius fully, his expression a mix of vulnerability and dread.

"I don’t know how to do this," Curze admits, his gaze faltering.

"I don’t know how to be anything other than the thing they made me to be. The terror. The judge. The executioner. All I feel is rage. And emptiness."

Gallius’s heart tightens in his chest. He has never heard Curze speak with such raw honesty and vulnerability, making the words that follow hit even harder.

"I... I think I’m in love with you," Curze confesses, his voice unsteady "And I’m terrified."

The confession hits Gallius like a jolt of lightning. For a long moment, he says nothing, processing the weight of what has just been laid bare before him. It wasn’t the fear of rejection that shook him, it was the vulnerability, the terrifying openness that Konrad Curze has allowed himself to show.

Taking a steady breath, trying to soothe his racing heart. He steps to stand before Curze, their gazes never leave the others.

"I’m not going to leave you," his voice soft yet unwavering in its coviction "You’re never going to have to suffer by yourself again. I promise."

Konrad's eyes search his face as though looking for any sign of doubt. The silence stretches between them, thick with unspoken fears, but Gallius stands firm, his hand slowly reaching out to rest on Curze’s arm.

Curze doesn’t pull away.

For a long moment, the two of them stand there—no longer the dark demi-god and the soldier, but two broken souls bound by their shared pain and the fragile thread of connection that neither had expected. The weight of what they had just shared was almost unbearable, but there was something else there too: hope.

"I don’t know what comes next," Konrad mutters after a while, his voice rough but earnest "But with you... I think I want to find out."

Gallius smiles, though it was a subtle smile, filled with the weight of understanding.

"Then we’ll take it one step at a time," he says, the words a promise as much as they were a reassurance.

And at that moment, surrounded by the oppressive shadows of Nostramo, the Primarch of the Night Lords and the soldier of the Imperium found a rare moment of peace. Not in their pasts, not in their titles, nor in their duties, but in the simple, fragile promise of not having to fight alone anymore.

The darkness may never fully leave them, but for once, it doesn’t seem so all-consuming. Not with the weight of their shared burden. Not with the warmth of a hand to hold.

[ivyblossom]

Lessons in Story: Blather

I've been on a journey with planning and outlining for a long time now, but as a former pantser, it still feels very fresh to me, and everything about it is surprising.

None of this comes naturally to me at all. Once again: when I say "lessons", I mean the lessons I have learned, not lessons of value to anyone else, you're probably better at this than I am. I'm very open to feedback and ideas on planning, this is foreign territory for me.

My biggest revelation about planning and outlining is that, after years of hating and dreading anything even remotely structured, it turns out that I really enjoy this part. It's ridiculous and fun.

My paradigm shift was going from thinking of it as some (ugh!) structured version of writing to it being an entirely different activity. I seems closer to daydreaming than to writing. It doesn't take from the experience of writing, it's adding a new, fun version of composing story that's just as creative and immersive and fun, and even more self-indulgent, it's just from a slightly different vantage point and is less gruelling. It's also easier to do when I'm tired, so I can even see it as something I can do when I don't feel like writing, so it's not even overlapping time-wise.

It's taken me a while to figure how to do this in a way that makes sense and feels good. This is what I've managed so far.

It's blathering. It has no order and no structure, and I'm not sure I even understand what's happening in this process. Maybe one day I will. It comes out as a mess of random thoughts and ideas. It is documented daydreaming.

There have been times when I would just keep all that in my head and have it fuel whatever I did, but that isn't a very reliable or predictable way to function, and it means I'm not making choices between options. So what I'm doing now is to just write it all down, which helps me see it and think about it some more. Once I write it down, it change. Is that weird?

The blather has no rules. It's total free-associating. I write down whatever I'm thinking about related to this story, anything that grabs my attention about it. Things that don't work or things I don't know, things I'm obsessed with, anything. And none of it is artful.

Every time I pick the document up again, I start at the top. I don't reread it. I just blather. I repeat myself. At first it's just bits and pieces of things and me droning on about characters and what I think they're worrying about and wanting, etc. etc. Blather is functional, I don't know why. It helps me make decisions and work through ideas. The ideas get bigger and deeper as I blather about them, and problems emerge and get solved.

At a certain point, the blather starts to coalesce into scenes or pieces of them. And then I start telling myself the story as I know it. Over and over. Eventually I can't tell myself the whole story, I get stuck on some part and spend days circling around it. Sometimes I start telling myself the story from the middle, or work backwards, or whatever appeals to me. But there starts to be a sense of order and linked events, and ideas arrive, spend time in the story, stick around or get kicked out. New day, I start again at the top and tell myself the story again. This is kind of weird and obsessive, but it feels like what I want to be doing, it's like a fidget toy or something.

When I do this enough, eventually I want to start lining up the stuff I know about what happens in the order it happens. I can do that in the document for a bit, but then it starts to get out of hand. Then I start wanting a specific tool that lets me put this in order without putting it in order. Every time I reach this point I try different tools, and none of them work the way I want them to. That might be because I want to do something but not do it at the same time. But that's the point where I want to lay it out in a more structured way, but the thing doesn't have a structure.

At some point, and I don't know what triggers this, but the thing untangles in a way that even though it's not complete yet, it becomes linear. I can line up scenes and it makes perfect sense, I don't need a weird tool. That's the point when I'm ready for a proper outline. I can't say I completely understand what's going on here, but this is what it looks like.

The blathering is so fun I keep doing it even once I've started a formal, structured outline.

That's blather. Maybe there's as better word for it. Maybe there's a better way to do it. I have no idea! But this is what I've settled on. At least it's fun! I'm really glad it's fun, because I only willingly do things that are fun. As I've said, maturity is not my strong suit.

[building-a-better-place]

< DOWNLOADING APP. PLEASE DO NOT SHUT DOWN OR RESTART THE PROGRAM WHILE THIS DOWNLOAD OCCURS. >

< … >

< DOWNLOAD COMPLETE. >

< “…Hm. This platform’s interesting. No wonder those two told me to download it…” >

< “I suppose I should introduce myself. Call me Builderman. I am still technically the leader of Robloxia, but that title’s been on hold since I’ve been dropped in purgatory.” >

< “That should be all. Feel free to ask me or the others questions.” >

ooc + builder ref below!

HELLO! ive never done an ask/rp blog before so im sorry if im doing something wrong ^_^

builder will talk in white <> brackets and orange text! his text will be italicised!

mod ooc will be in normal white text like this! however when answering asks as builder, ill be using the tags to talk.

mod’s main blog is @aureus2010 ^_^

this blog is based mainly off my builderman headcannons!! (though i guess its closer to an au) some things to note: he’s an android/robot! he wont act the same as canon builder, so keep that in mind :3

rules for interacting:

-go wild with asks or rp; idc if u or ur oc is from another universe, itll just make rp more fun :D

-no discourse, id rather keep this blog out of that

-magic anons are welcome and allowed!!

-ships are alright, just tell me which ship it is when sending an ask. flirting is also alright. no proship

-no nsfw/suggestiveness. you will be blocked

-i dont have a concrete dni, just dont be. super nsfw or weird!!

mod is a minor, so please take that in mind when interacting!!

aand heres the builder design that inspired this blog: (this art is by me!)

tag list:

#an architect’s thoughts - general textposts that are in character

#problems solved - answers to asks

#a break from building - rp post

#doodle tag - art tag

#lore tag - anything related to this blog’s lore

will update as i figure this out!!

[taggedmemes]

CASSIA / EVERYONE, OUTSIDE change wording as desired, etc.

sitting up 'til dawn, had an idea.

you and i've been doing the same thing all year.

i want to change it up, but i'm covered in fear.

my pride holds my guiding light.

i don't see that my time is mine to make.

dare i go and give myself the wrong idea?

never need talking anyway.

they come and go but we will stay.

you lose yourself along the way.

you're on the way to something.

whoever said the sun can't soothe your troubles?

if fate and time allow, another day for you and i.

there's no way to find a remedy in a world of compromise.

how can you ever learn to feel if you don't have human eyes?

momentary bliss when i see your skin, but the shadows are so close behind you.

it wouldn't be the same without you.

found heaven in the quicksand.

we found comfort in the way it was.

moments that i miss, how they hunt me down.

i'm a four-walled garden.

what good is talking when it's only five minutes.

you said we had time.

perhaps i'll choose the past.

we're not getting closer — we're miles out.

i don't need you to look back.

am i lost in a love gone away?

hidden in the soul in a dark, shady place.

it won't be so long 'til you'll get tired of what they say.

being elusive feels so dumb.

i still feel we're closer in my soul.

i won't go there without you.

i love you now, but you know that better than i do.

what is it that you've got to lose?

i don't wanna lose your touch.

i might not end up spending my forever with you.

what does he have that i don't?

i wanna live in a life where i'm seen a person, at least.

there's no going back to the person you knew.

we're caught in a current of graces and hopes.

i bet you could feel this coming.

shame there's no love for me left in your eyes.

was all this in vain if you hesitate?

i gave you everything. foolish, i guess.

you gave me everything i needed.

i'm alive but so cynical.

i find myself slipping through moments that pass.

i think i went missing, got lost somewhere else.

can i hide in your silhouette?

i would miss it all if you ever left me alone.

you're bringing me back here and now.

when i'm awake, i don't know what i want.

too much is changing.

time won't stop for me.

no use in dreaming of the same old young stuff.

you're cradling nostalgia all too quick.

don't hesitate, even when you're down.

never turn away from the morning sun.

don't rule out the possibility of an antidote.

tell me all about what you're going through.

let the fog and the winter take hold without you feeling cold inside.

you're a cut above the rest.

don't let that go, let that thought grow.

an unnatural burden of tears i'm certain revealed to me that i am whole.

settle in to how that feels.

when i was younger it seemed so obvious to wait on a dream.

here i am, exactly where i should be.

caught a taste in the air of a cool lavender that resides in my mind like a fog.

i know just how it feels to be a spirit in what's real.

i lose myself gracefully, delicately, slipping like light.

what would it take to be free of you?

pillars of intention that i hold crumble with you near.

i'm not asking for the world.

what's unimportant fades out.

can we just go back and float up into a new dimension?

keep telling me to relax, but you know i can't do that.

the deeper i fall in and out of time, adrenaline is setting in.

there's a war going on but it stays inside my head.

gonna lose my grip on it all.

don't want to let my troubles take my happiness.

[hcneygemini]

𝓵𝓸𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓰𝓲𝓻𝓵 sentence starters.

lyrics from rachel bochner's EP lovergirl. some lyrics have been adjusted to make them more suited to rp. feel free to combine, shorten, and edit phrasing as needed. do not add to this post or claim as your own. tw: suggestive themes.

angel numbers

slow it down, everything's fine.

fear of dying doesn't count.

we're connecting all the dots.

we're placing bets.

are we there yet?

is heaven real and does it matter?

i can't tell.

you kiss my shoulder when you think i'm sleeping.

a wish on birthday candles is the only secret i'm keeping.

you're my longest friend.

brooklyn

it's getting late, baby

we both got different places that we should be.

i might sound crazy.

i need an excuse to get a little bit closer to you.

i know you kinda want me to.

offer me a tour of your place.

what's my tarot reading have to say?

oh, i should stay?

it's 3AM in Brooklyn.

i'm seeing red.

i heard you the first time but, like, say it again.

say it again.

i understand this magnetic recklessness might bleed me dry.

i would do it again.

i can play it cool, baby.

i'm not the only one you wanted here in the crowd.

we make the rules lately.

i don't mind waiting until it all winds down.

if you're looking for plans, i know the city like the back of my hand.

anticipation's fun—let's wait a little more.

groupie

if it takes one to know one, then i think you've it, babe.

i think you've got it made.

i know it feels good when they're so obsessed.

it's written in the stars, it just hasn't happened yet.

it's hasn't, but it will.

the spotlight feels so good.

i never thought i'd want to share it.

one look at you and i'm like everybody else who's staring.

i like acclaim, but i love the way you turn the city into a stage.

i always saw myself in the starring role.

baby, for you i'm flexible.

i love the way you do it to me.

you take the spotlight, i'll be the groupie.

you're a primadonna girl.

i'm front row for the show.

you already know.

bright lights feel so good when i'm standing out in the open.

i could meet you in the green room when the curtains close.

put my name on the guest list.

okay, you have my attention.

creative liberties

okay, it was fun at first.

i've been wanting you so bad until it hurts.

i know that's how you like it.

i'm in the dirt.

i'm home alone, catastrophizing the worst.

i know so damn well that i'd cave and be yours if you just said the word.

i can't stop thinking of you.

i know you're probably thinking of somebody else.

i fell in too deep.

i took some liberties in stories of you that i tell myself.

i'm not crazy, i know it's fiction.

i've got you where i want you in my head.

i can fill the blanks in, words that you're not saying.

you need me.

you want to be more than friends.

you can't stop thinking about me.

it's probably only what i'll tell myself.

it's the truth, but modified.

i know it's not real life, but i can barely tell.

in my head, we're kissing in the bathroom stall.

in my head, i'm tracing down your body with my fingertips.

i know it isn't real, so how's it feel like this?

in my head, there's seven different versions of you in that dress.

your face is painted on the back of my eyelids.

alchemical

i think you mean it when you whisper something nice.

i see you in poetry.

i tend to find the messiest of phrasing.

i convolute or dilute what i feel.

would you mind if i put it quite plainly, and i asked you to touch me tonight?

won't you come over?

i am melting into this.

so come closer.

you could never get too close to me.

i tend to shy away from moderation.

consider me a hedonist at heart.

forgive me if i come off heavy handed.

once i start, i don't know where to stop.

won't you come closer?

i wanna be what you need.

i wanna know what you need.

oh, pretty please.

carolina honey

i ran three blocks just to kiss you.

i feel the lovers that precede you.

i think i'd give them all up if you asked me to.

i wish you would.

you stayed up a little later just to linger by my side.

you effortlessly recite things i could never write.

your metaphor bleeds into fact.

darling, i'm in the palm of your hand.

i don't know how, but i need you now.

we know i can't stay, even if i want to.

carolina honey, can you tell me what to call you?

it's no surprise i'm dreaming about you sleeping in my t-shirt.

when you walk me to your door i drown hook, line, and sinker.

this is the type of tenderness i know is gonna kill me later.

promise me you'll think of me when you're alone.

i look for you in every room.

i know what you are, babe.

can you see right through me too?

without a doubt

you said you don't wanna hurt me.

that's a silly thing to say.

if you want love, then you want hurting.

all good things come with a little bit of pain.

you said you're always gonna trust me.

i couldn't hold it in my brain.

i don't know much, but i know some things.

love is gonna chew me up.

love is gonna spit me out.

you will do the same.

love is gonna turn me in.

love is gonna break me down.

you will do the same, without a doubt.

when you get a taste of something sweet, you don't wanna give it up.

you'll stomach the repercussions.

there's a crash to every rush.

humans decompose into ashes, into atoms, so permanence is hard to entertain.

no matter what i say, i'll do it anyway.

love is gonna build me up.

even though i want to, i won't hold you to forever.

you don't need to love me always, as long as you love me now.

[yuna-doi]

☆Ch 23: Count Case☆

{Grian's pov}

I was with Scar. Looking at him, so peaceful. His phone was in my pocket when it vibrated. I took my eyes off of Scar and looked at the phone to see who was calling it. 'Mumbo was calling?' I thought to myself.

I picked up the phone to see what he wanted. He wasn't at the school, the past few weeks from November 9th to December 16th. 'What am I thinking?! That's more than a month.' I thought.

"Mumbo? Where have you been the past month and something odd days?!" I said as I tried to be as quiet as I could be.

"Oddly enough, I have been away with my parents to get the best lawyers that they can get their hands on. And they finally found someone who was willing to support Scar in this case. Although Scar would probably already be innocent, they don't want to take any chances. So they went far and wide to find someone." Mumbo said from the other side of the line.

"Oh Mumbo... What would I do without you? Or something I could repay with you with?" I said as I placed my free hand on Scar's left cheek. My heart fluttered with love also with my stomach, having butterflies.

"You finally telling Scar how you feel about him. And I mean your true feelings." Mumbo said. I could feel his grin thought the screen of the phone. My face heated up.

I removed the phone from my ear to make sure Mumbo doesn't hear what I'm about to do or say. I kissed his cheek. "I miss you... I want to be allow to hold your hand again, I also miss doing that... I want to you to be able to hold me and tell me everything is okay... And a lot more. But the important thing I need from you is to please wake up; I'll wait for as long as I need to. I want to be yours and I want you to be mine." I whispered for only Scar to hear but knowing that he would never hear it.

I signed before placing the phone back onto my ear. "Whenever the c͙o͙u͙n͙t͙ c͙a͙s͙e͙, would you tell me how it goes? I don't care what happens to those two. All that matters to me, is that Scar gets the best he can get." I said as if I sounded so desperate that I was basically begging.

"It's all up to what the lawyer does. I don't make the rules of this world. If I did, things would run a lot more differently than they do now. Besides that, I have to go. We're coming back and everyone with me, needs to rest since it's a long way back home." Mumbo said as he hanged up the phone.

The phone went beep, beep as I heard no voice coming from it. I looked at the phone, seeing Scar's lock screen. I lowered my eye lits as I placed the phone back into my pocket. I removed my hand from his cheek.

I knew visiting hours aren't over but I couldn't look at him any longer for today. I walked though the hallways of the hospital. I crossed my arms, placing my hands on my upper arms. Guilt run though my head.

'I need to get out of here before things get worse.' I thought to myself as I run down the stairs of the hospital. The doors opened when I reached them. I was finally outside and run until I was in a park.

I walked over to a tree and sat underneath it. I placed my wings over me and started to cry.

"Why... Why do I feel so guilty. I mean it is my fault. I'm the who forced him to open up when I should have done and let him go to a room and cry. But I... Can't help but feel like I'm the one who started it. I'm so sorry, Vexy..." I said, quietly to myself.

I could hear footsteps coming from in front of me. I removed my wing just a bit to see who it was.

I saw a scar on their face. My mind immediately went to Scar and forgetting that he's in the hospital. But as the person got closer, I realized that it was Skizz.

"What are you doing here alone and crying for all the matters..?" Skizz says as he sitting down next to me. I completely removed my wing from the side he was sitting on but still keeping the other up. I just stared at him, not saying a word, not even a peep from my mouth.

"No need to answer that. That was a stupid question." He laughed. "You're hurting, upset but blaming yourself for something you couldn't control, isn't okay... Please tell me you aren't still blaming yourself..." Skizz said as he looked at me.

I didn't know how to answer him. I didn't want to upset him even more than I have already but I also wanted to tell him the truth... Please someone tell me what to say.

{Mumbo's pov}

The hour has came to take them down. My parents showed far and wide to find the best lawyer for Scar.

Everyone was waiting for us minus Scar since he was in the hospital. The judge looked at us. And started to talk.

Hours went by of back and forth arguing between both sides. Until they finally decided on the finally charges against Grian's mother and BigB.

I wasn't really listening for the most part. The few things that I remember hearing was Grian's mother being charged with kidnapping, drugs, and a few other things. BigB was also charges with the same crimes minus the drugs as Grian's mother but less time in jail since he was still a minor.

Everyone left and the count case was over with. But I still feel like that wasn't enough to justify for what they did to both Scar and Grian.

They both should burn in hell. I hope they both do. If they don't, then there is something wrong with this world.

{Grian's pov}

I heard from Mumbo that Scar and I got justice for what happened but he feels like it wasn't enough. I told him that there wasn't much he could after everything has been done.

It was already '9:30pm'. I still felt horrible but Skizz made me realize that I didn't do any harm to Scar. My heart and mind were in two different ways about all of this.

It was also almost Christmas so I needed to do some things for that. My mind was to forced on Scar that everything else just skipped right over.

I miss my Vexy...

[tossyouforedinburgh]

I wrote a little something just to cheer myself up and I thought instead of just writing it in my head I could maybe share it here.

----------------------------------------------

The angel and the demon had several completely unspoken rules about drinking together that they always obeyed.

Never sit on the same piece of furniture while drinking. Never give compliments while drinking. Never touch each other while drinking. If you feel the urge to do the above, sober up with immediate effect.

They had broken all of them.

"No, no my dear boy I have no idea what you're talking about," Aziraphale giggled and then hiccupped. "Tell me again." He slapped Crowley's thigh affectionately, and then left his hand there.

"It's... it's... well it's ineffable," Crowley stalled, trying to work out what he was in the middle of explaining. "It's... everything does it. Humans, animals, angels, demons... love! That was it. Yes." He was very proud of himself for remembering this key point, and he put his glass triumphantly on the table. Fortunately it was empty, or it would have gone all over the floor.

"Demons?" Aziraphale questioned. "Are you sure?"

"Yessss," Crowley demanded. "I AM a demon aren't I? I think I would know what demons do."

"Well, yes..." Aziraphale looked as thoughtful as one can while persistently hiccupping. "But... love?"

"Yes!" Crowley was beginning to get cross. "That's exactly what I'm saying. That's just the way of things. The way of the world. It just is. That wasn't my department, I don't know who was in charge of that side of things. Lucifer, maybe."

Aziraphale reached for his glass and discovered to his great disappointment that it was empty. He picked up the bottle and found that too, was empty. Where was all his wine going? He summoned another bottle from... somewhere. Apologies to the diners down the street who would have to pay a large bill and be accused of stealing a bottle that seemed to disappear from their table when they weren't looking.

After he took a large swig and spilled some of it down his front (Crowley miracled it away before the angel could notice; nobody needed the kind of sulk that came from Aziraphale finding red wine on his waistcoat after he sobered up), he lent forward conspiratorarily and asked, "who is it that you love, Crowley? I won't tell anyone, I'm tremendously good at keeping secrets."

Aziraphale didn't always know the difference between thinking in his head and speaking out loud in front of an audience. Too many Shakespearian asides had confused his brain, perhaps. Still, Crowley was quite drunk enough to think it was a good idea to share a secret.

"Come a bit closer and I'll show you," he said with a smirk and a raised eyebrow, which was somewhat ruined by the fact that his eyes clearly couldn't properly focus.

"Why do I need to... oh!"

Crowley's kiss landed somewhere nearer to Aziraphale's chin than his mouth, but the angel's hand still on his thigh helped to steady him and he found his lips fairly quickly, only very slightly drooling on his face. Aziraphale kissed him back with perhaps too much enthusiasm, and tasted of nothing but red wine, and they kissed for several minutes until Crowley started to feel too dizzy and needed to open his eyes.

"Oh that was lovely my dear," Aziraphale beamed, his cheeks even pinker than they had been before, and his hiccups seemingly cured. "So, tell me... who is it that you love?"

[k-didathing]

The Hand and the Hound -- Chapter 2

“I have to say, Ren, this feast is amayzing!” Scar exclaimed, raising his goblet. “Your kingdom really is glorious! And powerful.”

“Thank you, Scar. Though not as powerful as yours, of course.”

“Yes, I suppose that is true. Now Ren, we both know that these are troubling times. There’s something brewing in the air; I’m sure you’ve felt it.”

It was true. There was trouble brewing all around them, and people were starting to get antsy. There had even been a few revolts here and there, and everyone feared that soon war would boil over.

“But if something truly does happen out there, all I want is for you to feel secure in knowing you have a great and powerful friend by your side.”

Ren’s eyes lit up. “Are you suggesting an alliance?”

Scar shrugged. “Perhaps I am. I do consider myself a man of peace, after all! And I will give you all my kingdom has to offer, in exchange for…” He looked Ren up and down. “That pendant!”

“Excuse me?” That definitely wasn’t the answer he was expecting. He traced his finger across the pendant in question, a smooth black stone that shone bright red when it caught the light. It had been worn by kings and queens of Dogwarts for generations, and they all had vowed to protect the stone with their lives. “...Sorry, but I’m afraid that’s off the table. I’m sure Dogwarts has much more –”

“Nope! That’s all I ask of you. You wouldn’t turn down an offer like that, now would you?”

And to Ren’s shame, he did consider it. But he couldn’t! It would be betraying everything his family had worked so carefully to protect. “This pendant has been passed down for millennia. Losing it would be like losing our identity! My apologies, Scar, but that’s one thing I cannot give you.”

Scar sighed disdainfully. “Well, fine. If you won’t accept my offer (yet), then at least answer me a question.” Scar drew closer as a slow, lopsided grin spread across his face. “A little birdie told me that you simply vanish” – he made a little poof motion with his hand – “each month, and none of your people know what happens to you. So, I have to know…” – his eyes glittered like gold – “Where in the world do you disappear off to?”

Ren tensed up. “I - I haven’t told a soul that. Not even me own Hand.”

Scar’s smile curved into a frown. “You’re all secrets, aren’t you? No wonder your Hand doesn’t trust you. Then let me phrase this differently.”

He leaned in even closer, his shimmering green eyes filling Ren’s view. 

“I know an enchanted object when I see one.”

Ren’s blood ran cold.

“Tell me what it does, and your kingdom will be spared from harm. I would hate for something terrible to befall your lands, wouldn’t you?”

Ren sighed. Giving up his secret would be betraying Dogwarts; his entire lineage. Keeping the secret was the one rule above all for the members of the Dogwarts house. But this was his only option. Scar already knew too much, and Dogwarts couldn’t risk an attack of that scale.

He kept his voice low, letting the secrets his family had sworn to protect come spilling out of his mouth. With each added detail, Scar’s eyes shone brighter, and his grin became crookeder.

“Amayzin,” Scar breathed once Ren was finished. Then Scar’s demeanor shifted, and he went back to talking casually, as if nothing had changed.

But everything had changed, hadn’t it?

“Well Ren, I have to thank you for everything you’ve provided us with. We’ll be staying for a day or two, and then we’ll be out of your hair. Say, why don’t we go hunting together while we’re here?”

“Yes, of course,” Ren mumbled, but his stomach was so twisted up that he barely ate or drank anything for the rest of the evening.

<-Back Next ->

[melancholic-pigeon]

During my class, we talked about the difference between like, Catholic guilt versus the kind of atonement that's associated with Yom Kippur. The phrasing that was used was "course correction", which my moral OCD really found helpful. It's not "you're a terrible person who must suffer in repentance", it's "Who do I want to be? Where did I stray in being that person over the last year? How can I correct my course so that I am closer to the person I want to be next year?"

I talked to my therapist about certain things that recently happened that I won't devote any more air time to specifics on unless I'm forced by someone else's actions. And I've been thinking about it and turning it over in my head, because it still has me pretty shaken!

But basically, I got a very clear, very vivid image of the kind of person who says "Kindness is so important, unless I'm the one being unkind, then it's okay". I found a pattern of unkindness and justifications afterwards for said unkindness. I realized the path I've been going down this past year leads to a destination I find revulsive.

I don't want to be mean. I don't want to let my anger eat through my load bearing walls. I don't want to be the kind of person who snaps in anger, who defends others snapping in anger, who spends her time justifying her outbursts of poor emotional regulation and who blames everyone but myself for my own big feelings.

I've been down this path before, and it's something I'm ashamed of. I don't like being full of rage, but it's way too easy for me to get swept up in someone else's excuses for why their own uncontrolled rage isn't destructive and totally won't ruin all their relationships or give them a reputation for being a combative hair-trigger who will scream at people over innocuous things or miscommunications and then scream at them more for tone policing when told screaming at people for misunderstandings is rude.

I don't want to be fueled by anger. I don't want to be bitter and mean and judgmental and suspicious. I don't want to turn into the kind of person who spends their day arguing on tumblr dot com about how actually I am special enough to be trusted with the death note because I am a Good Person who would only use it on evil people. I don't want to be the kind of person who lashes out every time I misunderstand someone and then punishes them for clearing up the misinterpretation because it made me look bad.

I don't want to be a bully. I don't want to enable bullies. I don't want to defend bullying. And I want to get better at actually listening to the voice in my head (maybe the voice of HaShem) telling me "Hey, you know better than this, you know this is wrong, why are you letting a charismatic bully sway your actions and pull you along to defend them?"

So, yeah. This year I'm working on improving my de-escalation skills and getting a much tighter rein on my anger. Rage is like fire: it's a great source of energy, but it will also destroy you completely and turn everything you love into ash if you don't keep. it. controlled.

I want to reaffirm that it's not okay to blow up at people because you're having a bad day. That if I've done this to you, I'm really, deeply fucking sorry, and I use that in the New England Intensifier way. I fucked up a number of times over this past year, I'm not okay with it, I don't WANT to be okay with it, and I'm just...sick of being angry. I'm sick of watching people hurt each other. I'm sick of being complicit. I'm sick of holding the idea that "being mean is not praxis" is a controversial viewpoint that should be kept away from activism rather than a preschool level ground rule for how not to actively make your community worse and more hostile.

I'm tired of all of it. I don't want to be in this place anymore. It's dangerous to all of us when we lean into the idea that our anger is paramount and angry responses are always justified.

I just....if your behavior towards other activists on your side is to treat them like you're the mustachioed villainous husband in a lifetime movie about an abused soccer mom and then criticize others for telling you that's shitty, that's a bad thing! But I've historically been way too easy to shame into accepting this premise, and it doesn't matter why I ended up there. What matters is that I did, in fact, enable this behavior from people, excuse this behavior from people, and defend proponents of this behavior. And I hate that I did it, but I did.

Frankly, it makes me ill to think about. But it makes me more ill to think about not even trying to do better.

This year, I'm trying to do better.

Fast easy if you're fasting, everyone ✡️

[sparkle-skitty]

FANFIC PIECE/GLIMPSE

I spent a STUPID long time on just this ONE BIT here so I am showing it to everyone whether y'all like it or not

For the record, this is just a scrap from the fanfic I am writing (attempting to) and because I am not a linear writer*, everything here is subject to change if/when I get to stringing it all together more coherently. So basically, it's a demo.

I proofread it a few times, but it may not be perfect because I am tired and also was originally writing entirely third person instead of second person but found myself mentally scripting in second person - so if anything sounds wonky, I'm all ears!

(*Meaning, I do not write start to finish, I write exactly what I feel like writing regardless if it's chronologically next. The scenes are coming to me in patchwork!)

Anyway, click read more for the excerpt.

CW for: mentions of child abuse, mentions of bullying, very slight blood, very slight violence, emotional outbursts/shutdown (y/n is neurodivergent), dislike of children (again, y/n is neurodivergent), aaaand I'm not sure what else to tag so lemme know if something is needed

(For the record, y/n has some of me plus some other things I've seen with other neurodivergent people written into them so HOPEFULLY it sounds at least somewhat relatable to others in the community)

You nearly ran into one of the play structures, too interested in watching what was going on by the door to the Daycare. An adult was getting more and more agitated, while Sun held a child behind him, with unimpressed and shrugging daycare workers passing to leave as their shift had ended. The only one who had remained had been talking between the adult and Sun, but was now finally giving up with a very loud "ugh!", throwing her hands in the air as she turned away to clock out.

It was now out of sight, and you were quickly putting away the armful of toys you had carefully balanced against you into the trunks they belonged, in order to get back to the scene asap. Your Employee Fazwatch buzzed on your arm, at first making you growl "Ugh, now what?!" but your irritation evaporated as you realized it was a message from Moon.

"That adult is not one of the child's authorized pick-up persons."

Moon must have caught you staring through the cameras. You instinctively glanced up at where you knew the nearest one was, knowing likely Moon was staring back from his little cyberspace world in the Attendants' shared body. But you quickly turned heel and speed-walked over to Sun.

You were certainly frustrated that, once again, poor Sun had been left behind to deal with the remaining Daycare children alone, but you were more angry now that they had so purposefully let him take the fall for the rules and regulations that even Fazbear Entertainment had to follow by law.

"You'd think by now I'd be over this," you thought. "Not like I've never had a job before where everyone was only looking out for themselves." But you knew very well it was because it was Sun, your friend, the sweetest guy in the world (probably), that you took it so personally. And also, maybe a little because most of the workers still treated him like a mindless machine, aaand possibly because a child was involved in a potentially dangerous situation.

Okay, maybe it made a little sense to take it personally.

As you drew closer, you realized Sun's hold on the child wasn't to keep the child from going to the adult, but rather the opposite - to keep the adult from getting at the child. At every turn he was putting himself between the adult and the child, and the boy looked nervous to say the least.

Your anger suddenly sparked into a blaze of fury upon the sight. No matter how much your rational side tried to tell them that it could be only because the tone of the conversation was scaring the kid, your feral inner child was screaming for blood, having the scene be a bit too familiar and hitting too close to home.

Sun caught sight of you from the corner of his eye, and turned to look with relief that someone might be coming to rescue them, only to be a little taken aback by the absolute darkness that was emanating from your being. The dangerous glint in your eyes, the snarl that curved your lips, revealing teeth tightly ground together - it was something he hadn't yet seen from his new friend. But once you looked at him and you both locked eyes, he saw a metaphorical mask rapidly apply, especially as you noticed the man had finally looked to see what Sun had been gazing at.

The mask replaced the baleful expression with one far more bright, friendly, and chipper. Though the animatronic could see the cracks in the disguise himself, he knew it was practically impossible for any random person to see. He couldn't help but stiffen as you approached and settled beside them. He had only worked with you for a short time, but it seemed so out of character!

"Hi there!" you greeted, launching into your Customer Service Voice, enthusiastic with a great smile, your eyes crinkling. "Is there something I can do for you?"

The man waved his hand around in anger, "It's about time someone came, besides this damn robot!" Sun tensed at the word and the inflection, but stayed quiet, watching with interest at how you hadn't even flinched with the man's loud and sharp tone.

"I am so sorry about that, looks like we're the only two left in the Daycare right now! What can I help you with?"

"Tell this metal idiot to give me my nephew, will you? I'm already running late!"

You turned to Sun, smile never faltering. "Hey Sunny, is there a problem?" you asked openly.

Sun caught the hint and quickly replied, "This person has not been set as a designated guardian for this child in our system."

"Ah, well!" you turned back to the man glowering at the both of you. "I'm afraid that we can not legally allow you to take the child from the Daycare, sir. I'm terribly sorry, but I'm sure you can understand the reasoning here. Just imagine if those weren't the rules! Kids could be carted off by just any ol' person, even criminals and bad guys!"

As you spoke, you gestured - and even winked - with great enthusiasm. Your hyper-upbeat tone not once fell, but the language used was definitely a subtle accusation.

"I'm afraid you'll have to forgive my friend here, but that's the protocol!"

"I want a manager!" the man spluttered, now thoroughly furious.

"Oh!" you exclaimed, a hand going to your mouth before you tilted your head in a bow. "I'm terribly sorry, again, sir, but..." you then lifted both arms towards Sun, gesturing as if presenting him for the first time. "He IS the manager. It's his Daycare after all! He's the boss, the head honcho, the big cheese, emphasis on the big part," you quietly added to the end, tone now finally slipping to indicate the threat.

Sun couldn't help but also notice that you were doing your nervous trait of babbling and trying to joke. But he wasn't so sure this was anxiety or a matter of barely containing yourself.

"Please leave before we have to contact security," you said after a moment of silent fuming from the man, optimism now back but with an edge to it, giving firmness to the command. "If the rightful guardian or guardians can not come, they will have to contact us themselves to add you in. Otherwise, we will not be able to release this child to you."

The guy looked around a bit, grumbling and muttering angrily, before very suddenly lurching forward towards you. Sun's arm shot out automatically to snatch the man by the shirt, to stop him and lift him away, but to his shock you made your own automatic response of swiping at the man's face.

Blood swelled from parts of the claw marks on his stunned expression, but not enough blood to actually run. You had mostly gotten him to the side of his face as he had turned at the last second to look at Sun, traveling just a bit across his jaw and cheek.

The facade was dropped in an instant as you huffed and shook from the adrenaline, then shrieked, "TRY THAT AGAIN, I FUCKIN' DARE YA!"

"Language!" Sun quickly reprimanded you, glaring at you. You tore your gaze from the man's bewildered face to look at him, then looked away, snorting through your nose and folding your arms across your chest. He sighed in exasperation, knowing that sort of maneuver all too well from the children and, well, Moon.

"I am not a brat," Moon grumbled in his head.

"I didn't say anything!" Sun internally responded back.

You looked the man up and down, feet now off the ground as Sun held him firm, but he wasn't struggling. You snatched the radio out of your pocket and calmly made the call to security to remove the man from the premises.

Even as the man was escorted out, Sun's internal monitors showed your heart was still pounding away. But when you glanced at the child, your look softened to one of embarrassment, or shame? You knelt down next to him.

"Hey, sorry about that kiddo, that... must have been scary," you mumbled.

Your interactions with the children were always awkward. You had told Sun you hated kids, but on top of that also had no idea how to deal with them. Every time you were like a deer in the headlights, a newborn giraffe trying to learn to walk - unsteady, unsure, and bewildered by everything.

Sun had so far learned that you at least knew enough to be nice to the kids and to excuse yourself when it got to be too much, which was more than he could say for most of the daycare workers, which was ironic given that you were, well... a glorified janitor.

The child nodded, sniffling. There was a pause, and then the boy released Sun's pant leg and ran over to you, wrapping his little arms around you. You were surprised, then cringed.

"Um, there there..." you said, patting his back gently. To your horror, you realized he was still crying and sniffling. Sun watched with amusement as your face silently twisted into disgust. You looked up at him, pleading with him to get the child away somehow, but Sun shook his head, crossing his arms. This is now a punishment, he decided. He knew you wouldn't dare just shove the kid away.

------------------------------------

You were scrubbing at your shirt with several sanitary wipes. The snot might be gone by now, but you weren't sure and still felt unclean.

It seemed like it took forever for the child's actual guardians to show up, and Sun was not only doing the checkout, but also the report about what had happened.

You had allowed that child to tug your hands, hug you, and you even picked him up when he gestured so. Gross gross gross, little snotty kids were the worst. They had no sense of cleanliness or manners regarding germs. You shuddered at the thought of wondering if he even wiped himself, then flopped back into the security desk chair with a groan. To take your mind off your child-germophobia, you pulled out your phone and began a round of Candy Crush.

Your timeblindness caught you up again as you suddenly looked up to see Sun standing on the other side of the desk. He had his arms folded again, and wore a frown.

"That wasn't being a very good role-model, you know."

"Heck off, I'm not Daycare staff, so I don't--"

"Ah ah!" Sun cut you off, "You ARE Daycare staff, buster, even if it's just to clean, and as you so eloquently put it, I'm the boss here. And I say you need to be a better role model."

"Well personally I like their spunk," Moon snickered in his head. Sun ignored him.

There was a moment of silence between you two, before you shrugged nonchalantly. "Oh well."

Sun's eyebrow twitched with irritation. "Don't "oh well" me! You were cussing, AND you got physical with a customer--"

"Not a customer, just a dick."

"Language! Let's just hope you didn't teach the little one to solve our problems with anger and violence."

"Right, let's hope he never believes a grownup will stand up for him again in his life," you growled mockingly.

Sun was stunned, feeling frustration rise. He put his head in his hand and let out an exasperated sigh. "You can stand up for people without resorting to attacking others."

"Not always. Not every time." you answered lowly.

Sun noticed your heart rate was starting to climb again, and you were beginning to shake. Well, if there's one thing about this whole debacle that was a positive, it's the fact you make it so obvious when you're upset or angry.

"Let's calm down," he said soothingly. "This is just a discussion, you don't need to get angry--"

You stood bolt upright from your chair, your voice raising, "This isn't a discussion! You're chastising and-and-and down-talking and-and... belittling me! For defending myself! Because-because what? The kid might see it and-and think, oh man I-I-I should probably do something if someone... if someone just-just.... comes at me!" You were stammering and practically vibrating with the sudden spike in temper.

Sun leaned back with his hands up, a look of surprise on his face. "Woah, woah, woah! Hold on! I'm sorry if that's how I made you feel, but the rules--"

"DAMN THE RULES! The rules are out of order! Th-th-this whole court is out of order! Stupid! Fuck! AUGH!"

"Now that's enough--!" Sun cut himself off when you slammed your rear back into the chair and spun it, rolling it back in the process, and faced the wall. Hands crossed, face red, you slumped in anger and drew in on yourself.

Sun let the silence settle, giving you both time to relax, and for you to come out of your shut down. You pulled out your phone and started blasting aggressive music.

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he sighed wearily. "Y/n, please, I'm sorry," he started, voice calm but raised enough to hear over the music. "I am not trying to treat you less, I'm sorry I made you so angry..." he lifted his head up at a thought. "Wait... why are you so angry? You were furious before, too, when you were coming to check on us."

You didn't answer, but you had lowered your foot and were now bouncing your leg.

"Give it a minute," Moon spoke to Sun. He paused before continuing, a hint of a grin in his voice, "I have to say, it's interesting to see someone put themselves in time out."

"They've shut down, Moonie, you know what a shut down is."

Moon hummed. "They did choose to sit in a chair and face a wall, though."

"Can't you take this seriously?"

Their conversation was interrupted by the sound of wheels on the floor. You had gently kicked off from the wall and were now rolling comically slow towards them. You had lowered your music, and still had a pout, eyes downcast, and your arms crossed. You bumped into the desk without a word.

More silence. Sun waited patiently, shoving down the anxiety trying to creep its way up. Nope! Not gonna go there!

Eventually, you swallowed your pride and spoke up. "I'm... sorry," you began slowly. "I lost my cool. It's been a while since I've dealt with... the public... on a, mm, personal level. And I'm sorry I scared the little guy." As you spoke, you turned the chair to sit properly at the desk, placing your elbows on it and clasping your hands.

You then looked up at Sun, and glared. "I'm NOT sorry about standing up for him. As a general thing. Even if I did it wrong."

"I'm on their side." Moon stated matter-of-factually. "...And don't you dare think what I think you'll think of that."

"The only thing I think of that is that you're both a bad influence on each other."

Sun's shoulders slumped. Well, it's a start, at least. He can work with this.

"Again, I'm sorry too, the rules are a bit of a... erm, a big deal to me, to put it simply." Sun stood poised to offer his explanation, even though Moon suddenly turned sour at the mere idea of talking about... that.

Meanwhile, you furrowed your brows, looking down at the desk again. You were also battling with bringing up some vulnerability, and chewed your lip. He did ask, but is it too awkward to bring up now?

You took a deep breath, "Anyway... I lost my cool because... I..." your voice trailed off with a drawn-out croak, but Sun didn't interrupt or interject. It took a minute for you to build your courage again.

"Well... when I was... a kid," you spoke haltingly, taking your time in order to keep your voice and emotions level. "I was... bullied. A lot. Really badly. Just for being weird, I guess, I dunno... And, nobody helped me. So I just, took care of it myself. Or, well, tried to." You glanced back up at Sun, "That's... ssssorta why I had that, uh, kneejerk reaction, when that dude tried to- when he just- when he came at me like that."

Sun and Moon were both listening intently. It wasn't often their human coworkers would open up, and in particular, you had made yourself a bit of an anomaly with your unpredictable statements and odd behaviour - an anomaly that they had taken a liking to, admittedly. Maybe they just liked anomalous people, since it seemed to be a pattern.

"That... doesn't quite explain what made you angry in the first place, though..." Sun said softly, not wanting to accidentally spook you from talking it out.

You sat back, your chin tucked in and your eyes cast down, and crossed your arms. Sun feared he had in fact actually caused exactly what he was trying to avoid, but you spoke back up.

"Yeah... yeah... the bullies... the worst ones were adults."

Boom. Bombshell.

Sun and Moon would have exchanged shocked glances if they had the ability to. Oh yes, they were well aware that adults could be bullies to other adults, including animatronics, but to kids? Unthinkable! The very notion sent their protocols in a little tizzy.

"Teachers, mostly," you continued. You took a deep, shaking breath. "But... then there were, of course... family members. Specifically my parents. Especially when I started getting into fights, oh they hated that. I was an embarrassment to them for not being like..." you waved your hand around, attempting to find the word, emotions building and causing brainfog. "Y'know, uh, demure and-and delicate and sweet and pretty and... and all that sh- crap..."

You settled back into the desk chair, your arms now laid against the arms of the chair. You still didn't look up, and began idly picking and clawing at the ends of said armrests. You took careful, slow breaths, trying to keep from bursting into a fit of some sort - most likely a crying fit, if anything. It'd been a very, very long time since you'd actually talked about all of this, and for precisely this reason.

"So, um, you can imagine - I think you can anyway - the kinds of things they did to try and--"

"They... they what?! They thought THAT was more embarrassing than their child being bullied!?" Sun exclaimed, flabbergasted.

The suddenness of his interjection widened your eyes for a minute, then you gave a laugh - a hollow, awful giggle that was laced with all the anger, hurt, anxiety, and vulnerability you were feeling at the moment.

"Um, yeah!? Kids will be kids, after all," you sneered mockingly. Not at him, but at the past. "I was just overreacting and causing a scene, of course." You slumped into the chair so low you could have easily slid out. "Of course..." you muttered. Your outburst had been sufficient to release all that negative energy you'd been building.

"So um... yeah... that's why I was... prrrrobably more than a little ready to go feral on that guy... He just had that vibe, you know? You know the one."