#I am aware this drawing is really bad but I wanted to get the concept out

[captainrob5371]

this is a follow up to the post I made months ago about Haddock in the Syldavian guard uniform

Apparently this image is too big for Tumblr somehow, I hope posting it works

[screams-of-the-damned84]

(flops on stage) i now present to you my very silly swap au,,,

essentially jasper is now the co-leader of the society who was bitten by a werewolf and is trying to hide it, jekyll is the uni student who got kicked out due to his experiments and then picked up off the streets, etc. jasper and rachel can’t communicate and jekyll and lanyon are living the world’s weirdest horror romcom you’ve ever seen. more info under cut hehe (feat. bad explanations and doodles)

in simpler terms, jekyll and lanyon swap narrative positions (?? is that the right term) with jasper and rachel respectively. (lanyons and rachels swap doesn’t technically work as well as Jekyll’s and jaspers does but shhhhh). Frankenstein becomes the mad scientist that attacks the society and moreau becomes jaspers idol.

longer explanation but WARNING!! it is 3am when i am typing this and i am terrible at explaining. it may be slightly incomprehensible.

so like jasper and rachel founded the society after jasper publishes his research and gets semi famous. two years before current events jasper is out on a research venture and gets bitten by a werewolf. he doesn’t want to scare rachel or the lodgers so he keeps it a secret (to his own detriment). flash forward to now and jasper gets a call to investigate a “creature” terrorizing the streets of london only to find hyde.

before jasper can process the dumpster man he is looking at hyde transforms back into jekyll. jekyll explains that while trying to prove his theory of spiritual alchemy at his university he may or may not have split his own soul. and got kicked out. and is now living on the streets.

jasper, not really knowing what else to do and kinda relating to the poor guy, takes him back to the society. he introduces his co-leader rachel, who pretty much keeps this entire thing up and running. (rachel and jekyll still become friends but she especially takes to hyde. that little brother shaped hole in her heart is still very much present!) then theres the lodgers (idk how they all swap) and then there’s lanyon, a university student at the society because it was mandatory for one of his courses. he is not enjoying it and would very much rather be breaking boy’s hearts back at school. lucky for him tho, there’s jekyll!

this goes about as well as you would expect. lanyon then spends the rest of his stay at the society trying to understand (and woo) the conundrum that is jekyll and hyde. it’s very fluffy and they learn to communicate like jasper and rachel in canon (yippee!)

unfortunately for jasper and rachel, they have been playing the “just friends” game for the last decade. im having a bit of trouble trying to flesh out swap rachel so i don’t really know if she’s in a lavender marriage like canon lanyon is or is estranged/divorced or just single but whatever the case is she likes jasper but thinks he just sees her as a friend while jasper is madly in love with her and is too scared to tell her. this problem has only worsened since jasper got bitten. everyone else tho is aware of how they feel about each other and are stuck witnessing their tortuously long slow burn.

(hyde and lanyon at some point probably come up with a scheme to try and get them to confess. it goes horribly wrong.)

so yeah. this au has been floating around in my head ever since i read the comic for the first time. it mainly came to be because of how well jasper and jekyll parallel each other and because i wanted to draw stupid fluff and older jasper lol.

if anyone has any ideas/questions/etc TELL ME!!!!! this is just a rough idea if you have a better concept go for it awhdvgevd

[meo-eiru]

*cracks knuckles* here I am again. this time with Micah as my victim

so at first,

you definitely should add some more story to him. so far, if I'm being honest, he feels a bit too plain to me. but oh boy, what a potential I see here!

alright lets begin

omg look at him! such a hypocrite! how smart it is, to put all blame on MC while being just as (actually even more) sinful. and he sure hides well; it's your fault, isn't it? oh you and your sinful mind.

buut despite him not really being my cup of tea, I still do like a good old concept of ugly insides, hidden behind a beautiful shell (if that's the vibe you were going for).

Micah seems so pure, so holy, almost like an angel (you played smart by adding a lot of white in his design) – but behind that pristine facade? he's ugly. and that shell eventually starts to crack, because no matter how pure he may seem, Micah is just as human as we are, and definitely not a good one. and what are we, if not a bunch of cruel, egotistical animals? and deep inside he's exactly that, sickeningly human. with that in mind the very first comic you did abt him is actually pretty hilarious to me. your desires? what about his desires, which are strong enough to ruin your whole life?

I kinda feel like he's also a little pathetic in his own way; if he can't make you fall for him, he will break you. isn't it like a very cowardly move? he wants you badly enough to use whatever method it may require to have you, but will never admit it.

but let's talk about that strange desire to destroy MC's purity. why? to make you just as dirty as he is? cute, but doesn't seem like a full explanation to me. he's a priest, right? and even despite those dark insides of his, I feel like Micah still kept at least some of the priest mindset. I mean, they're raised and taught with a very strict discipline. so I feel like deep down, he feels bad (not ashamed, but in a "how dare they" way) for his attraction to you, and punishes you for that attraction. it's not your fault, of course, but who cares? you managed to destroy his perfect, clean facade, which he was methodically building for his whole life with simply your existence. isn't that unfair? so now you must fall into the depths of hell with him.

I like how we can't justify him. Micah is perfectly aware of what he is doing. and of twisted nature of his feelings too, I think, yet still chooses to indulge in his desires, even if it hurts you, the person he was supposed to love and cherish. he makes me feel an absolute, poetic rage, and I love a character I can hate. (don't get me wrong, it meant to be a praise)

and I absolutely adore his design. also if I was on point with the idea you meant for him, that is wonderful too. if a character makes me feel something, I like that character. but girl, you really should add more details about him. because everything I've written here is, basically, just my own brainstorming and bare theories. Micah needs to have more meat on him for a full character analysis >_>

but anyway, I actually have a question.

what if MC wasn't in any way pure? what if they're a complete opposite of that word? count it on my love for hunchback of notre dame

unlike the nun MC, I suggest a MC who fully embraces their sins. like an evil succubus, they enjoy the joys of being tainted. they know what influence they have on their dear Father Micah, and isn't ashamed of that. I feel like that would make a pretty interesting story

(cough cough draw him blushing and moaning and my life is yours darling)

Another absolutely incredible ask I'll have a field day answering.

I do agree with him being a bit under developed at the moment. Micah was a bit unfortunate as in he was never meant to be an actual character. He was just a momentary creation who existed for me to study color theory. A beautiful man of flowers who didn't have an identity.

Then he joined the cast when I was busy with working on commissions and the 5k celebration comic so I didn't have the time to draw his introduction comic with the things I had planned for him, though I've been trying my best to explore him a bit more thru asks like this one. The fact that I don't want to spoil the stuff I'll draw in his comic is also holding me back a little.

I think Micah is evil, but not completely bad. A man who was born twisted, who was raised into goodness, and even with all the love he received never truly got rid of his inner darkness, but just once, just for one moment, I think he had good in his heart. And that is when he first saw you.

With all his twistedness, all his evilness, all his darkness, I think that love he felt for you was truly pure. Because in his eyes you appeared truly beautiful, like a pure lily.

But Micah isn't a pure man, neither does he want to be. So he prefers to pull you down to his level, so that you two can be sinful together. A truly impure way of feeling that pure and innocent love.

I have gotten asks about him with a more rowdy darling, one who isn't a nun or one who is more sinful. I've been really brainstorming about it but I don't think it would work. Not because I personally can't force the story into being like that but because I think it was just not meant to be like that.

You see I do come up with the characters, but I don't control their actions. If the character is unwilling I can't shape the story to my will. Because that story is their life and they control it. The best I can do is to try to fill the gaps I can.

I might prefer submissive yanderes, I might want Micah to have a more sinful darling instead but it wouldn't be Micah's story anymore. That's one of the reasons why he's so different from the rest of the boys. I'm not super into very dominant guys, I could probably count the ones I have with one hand, it wasn't my intention for Micah to be the way he is, but I don't think he could've been any other way.

Micah was just meant to be manipulative, a gaslighter, a dirty man who'll pull anything to push you below him.

I guess me looking at my stories from an actual novel or manga perspective also contributes to this. Father Micah exists to shine with a darling who he can soil.

Now the darling can maybe go against him in the future, she might rebel or give in to his sinful ways, but that's a different story.

[bearcubblues]

do you make requests for gravity falls if so could you make hcs about little Stanford and CG Stanley?

YEAH i can do that!!! gravity falls is one of my oldest interests :3 and the stans are probably my fav characters... so ya!

unsure at what point in their life you're after here so i'll just do a little bit of everything !

1.) as kids

-i think ford's regression would start to present itself in late middle school. for me, that's when school started to get to where i needed to actually try, and i think ford would experience something similar - i think stress would lead to him wanting to enjoy the things he did when he was a kid again

-neither of them would know this behavior had a name - stan was just excited that his brother wanted to play again

2.) high school

-by high school ford would know with certainty what was happening - it would never be something he did often, because he would be incredibly embarrassed

-he never fully explained it to stan, but stan knew when ford would act different, and would always make him snacks and make sure filbrick never saw ford acting different

3.) adulthood

-after meeting bill, regression became something different for ford - obviously bill was aware of it and liked it when ford did it around him. but it wasn't ever the same without stan

-stan pretty much forgot about all of it. he had always just brushed it off as ford being kind of weird so it wasn't really something memorable. of course ford was weird

4.) current day/events of the show

-by now ford felt like he could actually explain the concept to stan - who will nod and say yes he totally gets it. no need to explain further. then that night go and read 4,652 articles about it

-next day he asks ford if he still does it and if he even wants him to take care of him anymore. because he would love to

-which was very difficult for him to say and very difficult for ford to hear because he can't fathom someone actually wanting to care for him

-they spend a lot of time reading and drawing and exploring. ford mostly takes the reins and stan just makes sure he doesn't get hurt. ford's motor control is bad when he's regressed (he just like me for real) so there's a lot of stan helping him step over logs or climb big rocks

-the kids don't technically know about it but mabel knows what agere is and found some of ford's drawings once and has a sneaking suspicion. but she won't bring it up because she doesn't want to embarrass anyone

these were fun sorry it took me 3000 years to write them. i am so busy all the time

[paradoxbeta]

WHO IS EOC? i am very curious now!!!

>:) okay SO

tumblr picture formatting is utter garbage and i dont want these to take up too much space so im cramming these drawings into one row (or not if this crapsite breaks on me, because it seems to be REALLY fighting me on this, so if it ends up not making a nice little picture row know that i tried my best). but this is effigy of composure!

he has a couple problems, but the big one is that his superstructure has a terrible parasite situation. the parasites are flat, thin, and able to make it into grooves and pipes the inspectors cant reach. flushing out doesnt do much to dislodge them and they breed faster than they can be killed, so theyve happily made their homes in this sheltered, food-rich haven (to the obvious distress and horror of the host iterator). originally the concept for these parasites were much closer to centipedes and had the placeholder name "synapcipedes," but ive since started leaning more towards an obvious tapeworm motif for them because its gross and i enjoy it morbidly. it also has some pretty cursed implications if you think about it for too long which i have decided are funny/really disgusting/so stupid that they have to stay. i still flipflop between considering them centipedes vs tapeworms though and i dont think thatll ever be rigidly defined. the ambiguity is nice to toy with

on the top 10 list of "things that are not fun" having turbo worms has to be somewhere up there, so eoc has it *rough,* and kind of sort of eventually barrels off into the deep end because of it. his futile attempts to clean his own structure are frustrating enough, and the constant feeling of bugs crawling all over the inside of his body (which only gets progressively worse with time) does no favors either. however, the real big reason why he mentally declines is just because there's a ton of centi-worm things eating like fire through his neurons and other what-have-yous that iterators need to think and function. i think if he only got hit with one of these 3 things then he might have been able to hang onto his sanity, but with the triple combo he doesn't really stand a chance of doing much except stalling his functional death. which is good on him because if i was an iterator and my overseers told me i had a structure infestation, my mental health would have just preemptively swan dived off a bridge before anything even happened

anyhow, exponential parasite population growth meant exponential increase in all this other fun stuff, which means the time from the beginning of the infection to the time eoc is considered officially gone is startlingly short (for iterators, at least). it still took quite the while because losing your marbles is a loonnnng process, but still, yikes. its unfortunate because eoc was a real jokester pre-everything, and a cool guy to talk to. he was one of those people who could come up witty comments for anything like hed been ripped from the script of a sitcom. oh yeah, also, should have mentioned this earlier, but he ends up accidentally amassing a scavenger cult mid-insanity which goes hilariously bad because he's barely aware it's happening. nothing really works out for this poor iterator.

tldr: eoc gets parasites, they erode his brain, he goes nuts about it, (accidentally amasses a cult,) dies

[kerubimcrepin]

Crepinlore and the 30-50 random games 90% of fandom has never heard about

This post, like everything else about this blog, is very self-indulgent. I discovered many things during its making, and I simply can't not share. So, let's begin with something you likely have literally never heard about, and go to more popular things from there:

KROSMASTER ARENA 3D

Krosmaster arena online was a video game it seems nobody played, and honestly, I am mentioning it here because I fear that if I don't document it, it will disappear, and it will turn out that it was simply a vision I had, as if in a David Lynch movie. Evaporating, like tears in rain.

I don't think anyone ripped/tried to rip/found a way to rip the models from it — and considering the fact they're pretty... mobile ad-core, not much may have been lost.

Anyway, here's Keke beating the shit out of some guy.

Wakfu Les Gardiens

Joris appears in the quest "The Tree of Life" of this game, which, as far as I'm aware, was updated in time with Wakfu episodes.

Even back then, Ankama knew that 1. Joris is very sus and 2. you cannot let him get close to you during a battle, or it's OVER.

It's all very cute.

There is something interesting I wanna say about this sprite, actually:

An alternate version of it exists, made as a concept for the Dofus MMO. I am assuming it was Juien Druant elaborating on the ways Joris might look in the game. The first two designs are: baby Joris (probably not used because he looks too young to be a 200 year old man...) and Welsh & Shedar 60yo Joris. They were combined to make the iconic Dofus MMO-era 200yo Joris design.

I'm quite sure that this sprite references the Les Gardiens one very heavily.

One More Gate: A Wakfu Legend

The first game in this list that actually has implications for real lore, and yet its plot is literally "it was all a dream that Oropo was having while inside the Eliacube"

For this reason, the events of this game are not entirely reliable — but are probably based in some way on the memories Oropo has.

The main contribution this game has to Crepinlore is a third Crepin, who might be an ancient ancestor of the brothers, whom Oropo met and remembered, some sort of cousin, or he might be based entirely on fiction, and inspired by Kerubim (though ehhh I severely doubt Oropo would care so much about him that he'd hallucinate a guy like him within Eliacube's fake world).

I really want to headcanon that the events of the game are based on something he really experienced, waaay before forming the brotherhood. But that's just my brain disaeses.

Here we can see the store itself.

Krosmaga

I saved the best for the last — Krosmaga.

A video of the casts of Dofus and Wakfu beating the shit out of each other

There are characters besides Atcham, Joris, and Kerubim in this game — Julith, Jahash, Lou... But I choose to concentrate on my favorite three ones. Or I will die fr.

If this Ecaflip gives the impression of constantly having a bad hair day, it's precisely because he doesn't have any! Brother of Kerubim Crépin, Atcham is fiercely jealous of the man he considers his worst enemy. And how could he not be, when not only does he occupy the prestigious position of Ecaflip's favorite son, but also displays his dense, silky fur without any modesty or sensitivity?

Here are his three forms:

I'm.,. unwell about the white one. I have to draw Atcham in a Bontarian getup one of these days.

They're really giving a fight to this Joris costume recolor from a Christmas event in one of the MMOs... (Now I want to see Kerubim in red too!)

On topic of Joris,

Adopted son of Kerubim Crépin, Joris is a curious and mischievous little boy. His favorite pastime is listening to the childhood adventures of his beloved "Papycha". And when he's too busy serving customers in his antique store, he's off playing with his best friend Lilotte! An avid boufbowl player and fan of Khan Karkass, Joris also hopes to become a star of the horned ball. While his destiny may already be mapped out on the stadium pitch, his origins are much less clear… But the good thing about not knowing where you come from is that you can imagine anything! For the little boy, there's no doubt: his parents were great boufbowl players, and it doesn't matter if it's true or not!

Here are his alternative forms:

I LOVE THE WAY HIS ADULT SELF IS DRAWN IN THIS GAME... I'm insane.

And now, last but not least: Kerubim.

Judging by his adventures, Kerubim seems to have had more than 9 lives! From small-time opera rat, to Bontarian police officer, to lawyer: the least we can say is that during his youth, the man Joris calls his Papycha never stopped working! So much so that today, the owner of the antique store Aux Trésors de Kerubim takes advantage of his free time to purr quietly in his armchair, or to tell his adopted son about his past adventures. Past? Well, not quite! Because when the terrible witch Julith arrives to retrieve Jahash's Ivory Dofus, and seems intent on attacking Joris, the old tomcat doesn't hesitate to get in her way. With Kerubim, there's no age limit to being a hero!

Once again, it is confirmed that the store's name s literally "Aux Trésors de Kerubim". Sorry, I'm insane about the name of the show being the name of the store.

And his alternative forms:

He's beautiful.

[hellonerf]

suicide is discouraged in the workplace

im not even gonna try to be coherent here. this is not an analysis post i am braindead. if i was a better artist makima wouldve been my muse when i was deep into chainsawman. actuallt she kind of was but i pussyed out

OK everyone here can subconsciously understand this connection. dont get too hung up on makima's strong motherhood theme and i just thought about what if ame was motherly and i couldn't kill myself right aftee thinking that as i have no means to it. that was a joke its late and im just me. i decided i wasnt a fan of motherly ame though so all suicidal thoughts erased. i am really chill now

old makima fanart i drew that im trying not to rip my hairs out over thinking about it with ame. also dont worry if this makes tou find my mainblog or main accounts whatever

actually theyre really different in many ways now that im looking at these. ame is so much of a son and makima is so much of a mother its like oppsoite spectrums. but thay makes the commonalities fun actuallt. i keep thinking about the movies and makima hating bad movies. ame is not an art kid by any means does he even care of the beauty of the world? i doubt it. but he likes bad movies and he likes cheap entertainment so who knows... they'd disagree on that. well i think makima's opinion on that was pretty extreme so i think most would disagree with her really

i could imagine ame going "Chainsawman. Doesn't spit." and smoking for the first time to look cool like in movies only to pathetically cough. thats their common trait... artifice... humans... but in a way that loops back to being Really Human i guess. holds a kind of arrogance and hubris that is so associated with humanity. it cant be anything else. ame should kill himself i think he should get moments of clarity and awareness and want to kill himself rqlly bad

both concepts of control. awesome. SUICIDE IS NOT ENDORSED IN THE WRKPLACE. ame goes to protestant church once or twice and sleeps because hes useless. makima is baptised and goes to local catholic churches not the cathedrals she supports the local christians.FUCK i just remembered the country mouse city mouse thing. ame is a liar and hates everything and loves everything and never feels content. i like to imagine him as a country mouse so fucking bad i want him to chill out one day and go to those middle of nowheres i know exist in america(can i shove cana in here and get away with it). why are they in the city if they are country mice? because..... you know..... you understand..... another w for eternal unhappiness (refer to title of this post)(suicide is discouraged in the workplace)

they are evil bosses i am the employee and when i ask for a break they gaze at me with a vacant stare and smile and i know in my heart they are viewing me like i am beneath them. i get scared and run away but truth is they didnt hear my request. they do not register individual people

if they met they would know immediately and viceversa. because everyone knows subconsciously because lying is futile and everything melts away. ame:i know a toxic boymom when i see one... okay im kidding makima is a toxic boymom if u push the chainsawman in ur head 🙂 ame as a kind of control devil works inmy head. i really believe ame was a polite child but demanding in many ways. sincerely wanting.

ame:gun devil i'll give you one year of the lifespans of the american people. in exchange i want you to kill makima—that is... the control devil (i never got around to drawing this)(ame and gun devil can you imagine)

or:gun devil i'll give you one year of the lifespans of the american people. in exchange i want you to kill alfred f jones—that is... the united states of america (paradox)

throughout all this i wanted to cite the best makima artist in the world ever but i'd feel bad if they wouldn't want to be associated with evil hetalia america blog. also i want to be normal and not cringe at being cringe just becayse i think makima was a thunderstrike of genius that i shouldn't taint. ame is a more flexible character to me for obvious reasons. this is how i'd shove ame into makima's role. but u couldn't put makima as ame. only one way. im okay with that. concept idea consensus words fear control blablabla u get the point i hate using words dont care sleepy now

[yuseirra]

CRINGE MESSAGE COMING LOL. Seeing all the chapters of Oshi no Ko and the KamiAi makes me feel guilty now for being an Ai’s yume / waifuist lol. She's definitely his. Too bad for me ig, but I'm very happy maybe she really found someone who can love her as she is. Your comics are so good btw !

Don't worry about it, anon! And honestly I have no problems with someone feeling that way about Ai- why would you have to feel guilty? Just as much as I'm passionate about what her relationship could have been with another character, you liked her as a character and wanted to explore in that aspect! Even if she canonically has someone she loves in the story, she's a fun character to imagine and work with and she's really charming! But.. I'm really glad at the same time to hear you feel convinced about this ship too as someone who cares about it 🙏💖..your ask is so wholesome. I feel that's lovely of you to feel happy for her having found someone she can love. Ai would be happy to have a fan like you.

To add, I bet I'm WAY more cringe for having discussed about the ship and the characters in literal essays at this point..! I really appreciate your ask, it's happy(and relieving)to see there are people finding this ship the same way as you do. I really, really hope the manga will direct them in the way I anticipate too~~~~, because I can love them all I want if that's the case and it'd make a lot of sense, too! I can explain. I CAN-

Not that it matters a lot in terms of analyzing characters from a manga, but I STUDIED psychology, it IS a field of interest for me and I want to get things right on that aspect... the emotional areas of people. And from what I can infer, I think what these two characters had...could have actually been pretty good. Ai's reaction towards Hikaru and what's related to him aren't really what someone would have towards a bad partner, it's quite the opposite. Things all started to add up after having seen her say on him in the video. I'll discuss a little more about it below but before that:

Right?? What mattered the most for me the most is Ai's say about the guy and it turns out she REALLY loved him and SHE wanted to be together. I could tell from the entirety of the movie arc that Hikaru would have been very attached to her considering his life circumstances. She literally was only person he could really open up to and love, and Ai did so much for him although she later did give him the pain. I totally see how the lyrics for this show are all like "I can't live without you!" or "I'd give up my own life for yours!", it has to be this guy saying it because that's EXACTLY the way he'd feel about Ai. I started drawing a lot of him after 154 and Fatal because they acted as the major puzzle pieces for me to understand his character. You see how Akane wants to understand her role as Sayahime but has a hard time forming a concept due to the little info she has in the scripts early on in anime S2, right? I felt the same way about the guy. I think...I get like 70% of him now, but the other 30% I am yet aware of can completely turn the tables and my insights about him and that's what makes me so nervous. One thing's certain though, he severely loves Ai and every loving feeling he expresses about her are true. And if it is, then it's at an extent where he can literally sacrifice himself for her sake. Pretty intense, right? So about your ask, the part where you say Ai's found someone who really loves her is DEFINITELY true! I'm glad for her in that aspect(is he worthy enough, however?)

About the "worth" of his love, I've said earlier that Ai's say on this relationship's the important bit, didn't I? And it is, since she could be a victim of a terrible crime and if that's true, whatever feelings Hikaru would have about her wouldn't hold weight or meaning(at least for me). Who cares if a stalker claims they can risk their life for you? You'd just want them to stay firmly out of your life, it's imposing and unwanted and even quite selfish. However, Ai seems to have been pretty content, maybe even happy with him during the times they were together.

We don't really get to see a lot of their loving moments together since things keep happening making Hikaru's life plummet and become miserable and pretty reliant on Ai, but we see his happiest smiles in that brief moment they were together and Ai WAS smiling there, too. I believe that's not just a false vision of her Hikaru has formed in his head. She did actually accept, understand, and love him back. Well, how do we know that? Because the way she reacts to him/what's related to him are consistently loving and shows of concern.

-Ai adores their children and swoons about how cute they are, when they resemble him too a whole lot. It's a little similar to how she's commented how cute he is when they had dinner together(although Hikaru says those scenes are made-up, I feel they would hold some clues to how they actually were bc why would something entirely fake take up entire chapters). It's hard to love the kids of someone who's given you a hard time, but Ai shows no signs of such feelings. Rather, I think her feelings towards her boyfriend extended to their kids they had together and she was able to love them even more because they're the children of someone who she really cares about.

-She also comments(I say this a lot)that she wanted to be together forever with Hikaru. That's not something that'd come so easily from her mouth. She believed her own mother didn't want her. She was so wary, and hid her true self even towards her own kids and always smiled, leading even her own son to believe she never cries even until he's entered high school. She's afraid of forming relationships because she gets hurt. But Ai sincerely wanted to be with this guy. This says a lot because if he was bad to her, Ai would have recoiled and left. However, Ai was able to decide she wanted to settle with him and share a future together. That's what love is. She liked her times with him enough to wish for more of it.

-Ai actively tries to cover for him and shield him from the possible harms he may face: she never reveals who the father is, to the president in her firm, even in her videos to her OWN SON. I get the feeling that she is really protective of this guy. The reason she left him was because she was afraid of causing HIM more sufferings, not because of her being tired of him sticking to her etc. There's a cut where she imagines him raising their children together with a smile and she's also there right beside him forming a wide smile. That's what Ai wanted, and it's so far from what a messed-up relationship could be. Ai knows about Hikaru more than anyone else and she doesn't hold any negativity towards him, she's only worried about his sake. That convinced me, they could have really had this happen. He was good enough for her and she wanted him too as much as he did for her. I don't think she would have the wrong idea about who she chose to love, when her whole story revolves around her struggles on forming a genuine one.

How could this be, if he's someone capable of harming her? I say he actually ISN'T, and that could be backed up by how.. timid Hikaru used to be. This is the 30% I am unsure of, I am not sure how crazy he is or how insane he can get. What I can say is that his innate character isn't the type to actively try to harm someone just because he's hurt. He was hurt all the time, always, by others, and he was never able to really fight back and protect himself before he's met Ai who stood with him(and this explains why Ai is so keen about protecting him-she knows he gets very vulnerable and she's seen him suffer all his life. She never wanted to be the one to add to it. She WANTS to help and protect him so much.)

I can also say he has very low self-esteem and values himself way less compared to what he actually is. This attitude of his is there from the very first time he's introduced, he keeps blaming himself and says his life doesn't have so much value. It's a very weird attitude to have if he's in front of someone who he's murdered.... When he is asked to teach Ai for the first time, he says stuff like "Is it okay for someone like me to...?" When you're this degrading about yourself.. You come to sort of.. Accept every bad thing that's thrown at you. I think that's how his mental state is at this point because Ai died and he believes he's responsible for it. He hates himself and has no problem having to be "punished" for it. He describes himself as a crazy murderer but.. I am still not sure if that's really the case. Aqua blames himself a lot for things he never did, perhaps his dad is even more like him on that regard. I need more pieces of the puzzle, but he's... really interesting and painful to analyze because I can sense that he's really suffering. Does he deserve it?

If he's someone that's allowed a person like Ai to form such a strong, loving and protective feeling towards, I don't think he could be so bad in reality. The things he says and his actions don't line up so well. Good grief, the writer really makes me think SO much. Maybe they never put that much thought into it and thought it's understandable the way it is, but.. He's so different compared to how he used to be. There has to be a reason for a person to change their ways so drastically, and the only reason I can personally think of for this character to shift this much would be Ai's death. I don't think he'd have been so different before that happened, and if that's the case, he wouldn't have tried to hurt her because why do that to the only light of his life? Why do that after a whole 4 years after a breakup, not immediately when it happened? Why try to do it after having realized she's been raising your kids by herself and they're said to be growing up smart and healthy? Many questions arise, it doesn't add up for me. Hikaru SAYS he wanted to talk to Aqua. He did with Ruby, he states he HAS fatherly feelings and I sense no hostility in him when he approaches them, he acts pretty KIND to them. That's not so different from how Ai's pictured he'd be with their children, either. His behavior is mostly consistent except for that one thing he claims to have done(sending Ryosuke), and the death of Yura, but even that is ambiguous and we don't actually know what's happened.

I think he just tried to send a bouquet to her but was too sad to go meet her in person lol, that, or there was some outer force that convinced him it's what he should do? The black star, perhaps?

This became a real essay and I'm the embarrassing one here ;v; ahah but!! I do draw with passion! And with a lot of things in mind and I read stuff over a lot like you do anon! ♥ I really hope they turn out to be something I can fully respect and support bc, I want Ai's love to be reciprocated in the way it deserves. It'd be great if they deserve each other. They are the protagonists' parents too, after all! I feel they'd have a pretty good story. Thanks for reading my comic and for expressing your thoughts to me! I hope what you said and what I speculate about them are true!!😊💖💖

[kindness-and-friends]

//Heya. Mod here. I have good news and bad news

Good news is I'll be pretty blunt with the lore on the souls and stuff! Ask a question about it and I'll probably answer it

Bad news is this blog will be on hiatus :( ill finish the rps tho dw

To put it simply, drama and other projects I need to work on

To put it not simply (This shit is gonna be like a whole essay. Also i didnt proofread it cuz am lazy)

Reason 1: Drama- I honestly don't know what to feel. I started this blog thinking that i can interact with all the underblogs, whatever side they may be on. I kinda wanted this blog to be neutral because I was kinda inspired by underblog💛's. I enjoyed blogs like integrityvictim and such, and followed them (i went feral in some of the reblogs lol) completely aware they were against @/thehumanofjustice. Because I wanted this blog to be enjoyed and disliked by both sides. I wanted this blog to interact with both sides.

It started with incorrect pronouns. Then our small group of underblogs had a vote I wasn't involved in nor knew anything about and out of nowhere human is the 'leader' of the underblogverse. I never liked that idea and I expressed my feelings about it before. Luckily more people can join, but nobody has. I do like the concept of @/underblogmanagement, it's a way for people to interact with others and develop their blogs. But its too early. If anything it shouldn't be called that, it shouldn't have been introduced the way it was, and it shouldn't be made now. If we want to make something like this we have to make it bigger and have every single fucking underblog lend a hand.

I wanted to stop when I got the death threats. I thought that maybe, just maybe, it was a fan of the underblogs trolling, and it wasn't actual underblogs hating me. I still think it is. I also wanted to stop when the shipping got too bad. I didn't want this to be like @/undertaleolive that was known as nothing more than being Clover's 'girlfriend'. I don't get as much asks as I used to, and I know the lot of them are from thehumanofjustice or deputyclover (im not dumb.) The only time this blog can be serious is when I make it serious. I chose to let the anons kill Willow so it could be serious. I chose to let Clover kill Willow so it could be serious. I chose to give Willow those hallucinations and give Xeon a concussion so for once this blog wouldn't just be meme asks and roleplays with close friends of mine. I feel limited.

I think underblogmanagement is dumb. I think this rivalry is dumb. I think this blog is dumb. I think the creation of a whole new tag is dumb. I think the fact that only a portion of human's friends and followers is what makes up my follower count is dumb.

I wanted to be an underblog💛 with a story, not whatever the fuck I am now

Reason 2: Other projects - I'm giving the majority of my focus and motivation on this blog. Any motivation and creativity I have for art and writing gets thrown into here with no recognition. I have other things I need to place my focus on. As @/infinitrix, may know, I haven't updated my askblog in 2 months. Instead of drawing art for that blog, I'm drawing art for this one (only to get like 2 notes). Instead of writing dialogue and lore for that one, I'm writing it for this. If the only people who'll actually see what I post are my friends, I think this blog is nothing more than a waste of motivation. I need to focus on other things, and always worrying whether I have rps to finish or art to make isn't helping at all. The majority of art requests on my main are about this blog, too, and I want to work on art that isn't related to this. The only blogs whose lore I enjoy and would like to know more of are Whisper's, Winnie's, and maybe more that i don't interact with. I do think that if there's only a few people really trying to make their blog interesting while the rest is just shits and giggles, it's useless. I put together lore and relationships and art, and it hardly gets any notes. I can say the same for @/apatientwind who makes amazing art that doesn't get notes, and @/whisper-the-human (im eating your writing style ourgh. Keep up the good work :3). And yeah. Im giving up

I'll finish the last two rps I'm in and then leave. Don't try to start any new ones, I wanna make this quick

So I will finish what's unfinished, and possibly this will become a blog to ask about the lore. Maybe one day, when I figure everything out and have more motivation, I'll get back to this. But that won't be soon.

Ill be active on @goldeneclipsee if there are actually fans out there that arent my friends and moots.

Bye.

[billiejean485]

Okay - a long rant ahead and some explanations.

I would also like to point out that what I'm about to talk about mostly concerns the Christian community and it may not be interesting to anyone else or would just lead to pointless arguments that I don't want to be a part of, so - read at your own discretion after the explanations.

EXPLANATION

Yes, you have probably all noticed that I haven't completely stopped indulging in Miraculous stuff, especially after this post, and the reason is - I am simply enjoying (or have been doing so up till now) the concepts, the fan art and the never used possibilities and lost potential of the show and its characters. Which leads me directly to the second part of this post.

TO THE CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY WITHIN MIRACULOUS LADYBUG FANDOM

Yesterday, I gave this vid a watch and discovered something I wished I knew from day one of this show.

Among all the good points, something really struck me, and it was this:

.... Look.

I know Thomas Astruc is an atheist (or however he defines himself) and that he's a very anti-religious person - but this is downright offensive.

So, what I wanted to bring to attention.... was that this show really isn't just some goofy fantasy x sci-fi mix that doesn't delve into religion or myths - but that that is far from the truth.

Miraculous goes directly into everything and reshapes it to the viewing pleasure of people who have no religious beliefs whatsoever and are, like it's creator, of a mindset that it's all just nonsense, thus disrespecting culture and faith of humongous groups of religious communities.

As an (Orthodox) Christian, I can't talk much about people of other faith, though I know there were also big problems with the Muslim communities. Because of that, I am just going to stick to what I'm capable of concluding.

... You know, we all have the right to believe whatever we want to believe in. If atheistic people don't want to believe in anything, that's their choice. But spitting in the face of absolutely everyone who is of different opinion, especially through a worldwide known show (and directed at kids, to make matters worse) is definitely not alright. We have the right to choose our faith as much as any other individual and absolutely no one should be allowed to say that we should keep to ourselves as some kind of 'minority' and let the 'majority' take over, because they're right since there's a bigger number of them.

Speaking up about something negative within a certain religious community that affects everyone is one thing - telling them to shut up altogether is another.

If you think I am blowing things out of proportion with this.... do a little research on Astruc's X (formerly Twitter). I kid you not when I tell you that I have practically quoted him in the last line of the paragraph above my previous one. Amanda does the same in her video as well.

But what am I really getting at here with this post?

I wanted to send out a warning to fellow Christians that are watching the show and to boost up the awareness to this problem.

Literally... all the problems I've been having with the show for the past two years come down to this. The way the characters are treated, the direction the show is taking... everything. If I had known about the creators' opinions on this topic I would have seen disappointment a mile away, and it never would have affected me as bad as it did.

I stopped drawing for a whole year for crying out loud! And I've seen during that period that many people are absolutely unaware of what is lurking behind the curtains. The show is meant to take you to a certain point of viewing the world the way its creators believe are right, and it's not going to stop doing that anytime soon. What's more, I believe (and I am talking from experience here, from other disappointments in my past) that things are only going to get worse.

The Love Square is bait. The prolonged plot is there to keep the viewers interested. Heck, Astruc confirmed that publicly - it's needed to exist in order to keep the show successful and running. He thinks he's doing a good job at it, and, to be fair - business-wise, he is. That doesn't speak about the quality of the story though. But that's another topic I'm not going to bring up here...

I just wanted to give a heads-up to peeps, who do have an incorporated belief system in their lives, to not get swindled. It's not innocent fun, and that's going to get more obvious as time passes and the creators get more freedom to express their opinions.

I'm sorry if you've invested yourselves in this show as much as I have. I truly believed there wasn't another system directed against religion somewhere in its shadows and that it was a safe watch - however, it isn't. If you do have a life dedicated to something this show is against, all I can tell you is - re-evaluate what you're watching here.

For all the rest of you.... I suppose I have nothing to say. If you read all the way up to here and still disagree with me... well, feel free to do it. But I have no discussion to be made with you.

[theflagscene]

GMMTV 2025 initial reactions 🏳️‍🌈

Dare To Death - Initial rating: 5/10 - Likelihood of watching it: mid - I was surprised by the blatant murder from GMMTV, normally they play it a little more safe. Looking forward to this one playing out, I’ll enjoy a bunch of idiot kids getting killed off. It admittedly didn’t come out the gate looking very strong, JoongDunk are decent but the push and pull is a tried trope and I don’t know if I believe either of them as a cop, but ya know, what can you do?

Head 2 Head - Initial rating: 3/10 - Likelihood of watching it: low - I feel like this is three series that I’ve already seen slapped together into one mess. It doesn’t know if it wants to repeat Bad Buddy’s childhood neighbours with a pointless grudge, the prophetic dreams of I Saw You In My Dreams as well as every rival uni student QL ever made. It looks like it’s going to be a mess in a less than fun way, also I’m not that interested in SeaKeen as a pairing.

Burnout Syndrome - Initial rating: 9/10 - Likelihood of watching it: very high - I am intrigued af, it’s been so long since we’ve seen Gun kiss another guy (on screen, he kisses dudes besides Off all the time). Last time that happened was in 2022 I think, in Club Sapan Fine season 2. This looks very messy and dark, plus there was so much naked Off in this pilot trailer! Artistic drawing of his dick even, I’m shooketh. It looks really mature and broody, which is exactly what I want for an OffGun piece, let them grow up please and thank you!

I Love “A Lot Of” You - Initial rating: 5/10 - Likelihood of watching it: mid - I’d ask if this was the only straight up (heh) hetero romance on the docket, but when I saw Junior show up I had a feeling that he might play a queer coworker so we shall see. Nanon looks amazing in this, he always looks amazing but that’s beside the point. This is a really interesting concept, although the idea of ‘curing’ DID that was mentioned a couple times didn’t sit well with me. That’s not exactly something you can fix, just control. I do love the visual of the alters talking to one another, having their own spaces. It kind of feels like how When Rabbit Howls was written, there’s a very clear and easy to understand spot for each alter and their unique personality. I’m tentatively looking forward to this one. Also Louis!! I will always watch something for him.

Whale Store xoxo - Initial rating: 4/10 - Likelihood of watching it: low-mid - I had a feeling MilkLove would get another headlining gig, it looks like a typical cute by the numbers basic QL that’s hitting a bunch of classic tropes. I could take it or leave it and not feel like I missed out on much, although I am disappointed that it seems like ViewJune is not going to become an official pairing.

Only Friends: Dream On - Initial rating: 7/10 - Likelihood of watching it: high - This one came completely out of left field for me, I was not expecting it whatsoever. Jojo is a hecka messy queer that I adore with all my heart, his stuff is always so much fun. I feel like I’ll probably like this one better than season one, because I seriously disliked so many of those characters and it just was kind of disappointing in a lot of ways, I mostly stuck around for FirstKhao. It’s nice to see EarthMix being messy and adult, OhmLeng are setting the groundwork to be a popular high heat couple and I have to admit, I was surprised JossGawin are sticking around for another series. I wasn’t sure if GMMTV was gonna keep them together, considering Gawin is kind of like Neo, in the fact that he has no issues being without a branded pairing. Speaking of Neo, having Boston show up to make things even more messy is fantastic. Jojo is chronically online, so I have no doubt he’s aware of the boy kissing spreadsheet that we have going, seems like he’s gonna get Neo into that number one spot for sure!

That Summer - Initial rating: 5/10 - Likelihood of watching it: mid-high - WinnySatang finally getting the headline chance the deserve, also seems like Mond is entering his era of boy kissing as well, after Only Friends it’s nice to see him still working in the QL sphere. Also more Neo, always a pleasure. The story admittedly seems very weak, but also extremely trope-y, which could be a good thing or a bad thing. But I will most likely end up enjoying it simply for the reasons stated above.

My Romance Scammer - Initial rating: 3/10 - Likelihood of watching it: low - I love seeing Ohm on my screen again, although him being partnered with a new Fluke just seems extremely on the nose lol. We see what you did there GMMTV. It’s nice to see not only a QL about marriage but also about divorce, especially now that it’s all legal in Thailand. That being said, this ain’t it for me. I don’t think this OhmFluke (😭) is gonna be very interesting, and I’ll just say it, I am so tired of JuniorMark. There, I said it! They were cute in Cherry Magic, but didn’t have enough of on screen chemistry to become a branded pairing, or at least I thought so. But what do I know? Either way, that’ll be a no from me dawg.

Melody Of Secrets - Initial rating: 5/10 - Likelihood of watching it: mid-high - I’m so over ForceBook! Yes, I said what I said. Get your pitchforks and come get me, it’s fine, I don’t mind. Not all pairings work for every viewer, and they’re one that just doesn’t work for me. I know they’ve known each other for like 25 years or something, which is why I’m always surprised at how dull they seem together. They’re clearly great friends, but their on screen romance is weak tit. That being said, this plot grabbed me right away. It’s again surprisingly gory looking for a GMMTV series, the story seems really interesting and dark. I am intrigued and will most likely watch it, ForceBook be damned, because I wanna know what’s happening.

Love You Teacher - Initial rating: 1/10 - Likelihood of watching it: nonexistent - Stop, no, just stop it right now. It went from what I thought was going to be a very cute concept, a couple that will be at odds because one wants kids and the other doesn’t, so he tries to figure out why his partner is so great with kids by becoming a preschool teacher at the say school at his partner. So cute, right!? But then the weird creepy swerve!? You cannot cut from them about to have teacher/student role play sex to one of them having a TBI that causes severe age regression! That is weird! Stop it right now GMMTV! Do not make a show about a couple where one has the mental capacity of a seven year old and tell me that’s romantic, what is wrong with you!? I get it, okay, taking care of his partner will teach him how he is capable of being not only a good teacher but also a good parent, and his partner will no doubt get an eleventh hour miracle cure that makes him no longer have the mind of a child. But everything up until that (hopefully inevitable ending) is just creepy and weird and PerthSanta deserve better than that!

MU-TE-LUV - Initial rating: 5/10 - Likelihood of watching it: mid - Anthology type series never really grab me, typically I only end up watching the episode about characters or actors I’m interested in and skipping the rest. Looks like a hot mess, which I may or may not enjoy. But I nearly died when Neo showed up as part of a the fabulous four queers, I am all here for that. Yatch is so pretty, he needs winged eyeliner all the time. Fluke has always been gorgeous, and I legit had no idea that was Lego at first, he’s prettier than half of the girls on the series. Neo is the only one who looks like a party city drag queen and for that I love him, tbh, they’re probably the only ones I give a damn about. Also if the man Fluke’s character gets isn’t played by Thor I am going to be very disappointed.

Cat For Cash - Initial rating: 7/10 - Likelihood of watching it: very high - Considering FirstKhao are the literal kitties of GMMTV 🐈‍⬛🐈 I think this was a stroke of marketing genius, adorably cute guys with equally cute cats? Sign me up! It seems like a very cut and dry romantic comedy, with a bit of family drama and some magic sprinkled in for fun. First being able to speak to cats is really cute, and making Khao cry in the pilot is unfair, they know we cannot withstand his tears! Also, side note, Cat For Cash would be a great name for a lesbian OnlyFans, just saying 😉

Girl Rules - Initial rating: 8/10 - Likelihood of watching it: very high - I did not have a messy lesbian ensemble QL on my bingo card and I have to say, I feel very stupid for not having it because damn if this looks like everything I want and more. MilkLove and NamtanFilm playing messy adult lesbians instead of cutesy lil school girls? Yes, sign me up! Again, disappointed the View is not working with June anymore, but her new acting partner looks like they’ll have some decent chemistry together. I also love that they blatantly said ‘lesbian’ and ‘I’m not straight’ in the pilot, like there’s no mistaking here, these gals are in it for the girls and the girls only. Bring on the bitchy cat fighting! Let’s got lesbians!!

Boys In Love - Initial rating: 6/10 - Likelihood of watching it: high mid - No idea who any of these boys are, they’re all adorable though and I wanna keep them all in my pocket! Even if they weren’t cute and the plot didn’t seem like a fun fluffy trope fest, I would still tune in for Papang and Podd. Please, for the love of God, let this be the thing that gets Papang out of second lead purgatory!! That man is too fine and too talented to constantly be riding the sidelines… so make him ride Podd instead. I know, I know, I’m terrible! But the joke was right there, I couldn’t not take it! 

My Magic Prophecy - Initial rating: 7/10 - Likelihood of watching it: high - So much magic in 2025! So many fortune tellers and tarot card readers. As someone who studied tarot for over a decade and can read tarot cards, I am going to be an absolute annoyance about the layouts and readings in all of these shows, just an FYI. JimmySea is always a pleasure to have on screen, even though Jimmy is so fucking overworked, the dude wants to spend time overseas getting some specialization training for his MD but I doubt that’s gonna happen in the new year with this series in the works. It’s nice to see the doctor playing an actual doctor, like he had the knowledge, use it. It’s like when they had Mix play a vet in Vice Versa, it’s a little bit of fourth wall breaking and I appreciate it.

A Dog and A Plane - Initial rating: 4/10 - Likelihood of watching: mid - Uh, wow, what can I say about this? I love TayNew and I love MarcPoon, so I’ll probably watch it. Although I’ve never been a huge fan of the series with exaggerated comedic reactions that is so popular in Thai and Japanese series, it’s just something I’ve come to accept over the years lol. Also tend to hate infidelity storylines, not my cup of tea. But that being said, I will probably at least skim it or binge it once it’s all aired, just for TayNew and MarcPoon.

Me and Thee - Initial rating: 3/10 - Likelihood of watching it: low - I love PondPhuwin together, they’re funny and adorable and Pond is the only person that Phuwin seems to be able to kiss without being super awkward about it. Also more PerthSanta, GMMTV is really pushing for them huh? They haven’t even had a complete series together yet, Perfect 10 Liners is still focusing on ForceBook and MarcPoon. Yet the company seems to be putting all their eggs in the PerthSanta basket, which, aright I guess. I want Perth to flourish, he deserves success. Anyway, that being said, this just seems… cringe. Like it gave me the ick and I can’t even explain why, the acting wasn’t bad, the comedy wasn’t too over the top, it even made me laugh a couple times. There’s just something off and I can’t quite put my finger on it, hopefully it’ll be better than I feel like it will be.

WU - Initial rating: 8/10 - Likelihood of watching it: very high - So are SkyNani finally gonna kiss? Cause it feels like they’ve really should’ve kissed by now, I mean in HSF it seems like they did and we all somehow missed it? Anyway, this one drew me in right away. Colour me intrigued as hell! More tarot, more magic, a red string of fate, seeing the future. Kicking ass a taking names? Fuck yeah, this looks really really interesting! Now kiss please!

Memoir of Rati - Initial rating: 7/10 - Likelihood of watching: mid - This one looks sad, GreatInn are fantastic on screen together so that has it going for it. Also AouBoom, although please GMMTV how much do I have to pay for you to take those two out of side couple hell!?!? I’m fucking begging you! Give them their own series, they can carry it, I know they can. It’s worth noting that Rati is the name of the Hindu goddess of sexual pleasure, lust and carnal desires. So I mean, take from that what you will 😉 Also, Inn speaking French just does something for me, damn. But again, I feel like this is gonna be sad and I don’t wanna be sad, so I’m unsure about if I’ll watch it or just skim it.

Ticket To Heaven - Initial rating: 10/10 - Likelihood of watching it: extremely high - I do not think I can even put into words how much this shook me to the core, 1996 in Thailand was not a safe place for queers, especially queer kids. Toss on top of that a colonizer religion known to spew hateful rhetoric, and you’ve got a boiling pot of drama. Whilst GeminiFourth are still stuck in the High School bubble, this is very much not what I was expecting for them. It looks amazing, they look fantastic and that short three minute trailer gave both of them so much space to shine that it was breathtaking. These two are so talented and I’m looking forward to them breaking my heart and hopefully mending it by the end.

And that’s it! Looking forward to what the other companies have to show up with their upcoming 2025 lineups, Idol Factory’s is coming up in January. Anyone know when DMD is showing their lineup?

Also, important side note: Fuck Foei! As much as I love Mark and Tay, I will not be tuning into The Feed, which is unfortunate because it looks like it might be interesting to hear the gossip around GMMTV’s talent. I would not trust a single queer person on that show with Foei, even with Tay and Mark there as buffers.

[immoralimmortals]

Hi, not sure if you have before but I'd like to ask whether you could post an in depth character/personality analysis of Takara? Because while you do a very good job describing, I'd like to understand things more from her perspective. Like, why does she act the way she does, and why does she call herself a clown.

This is an AWESOME question! Let's crack my knuckles into early arthritis and get started:

All cards on the table: this character is just me but with more extremes. I am still attempting at least the veneer of it being a reader analog-- I try very hard for her to be relatable and think along the lines of "if I was not *me*, would I be getting something out of this?"-- but it's still an analysis and critique of how I imagine myself, especially in romantic, emotional, and social situations.

I've been especially focusing on the idea of her being a "performer", and that is because, as I am an autistic person that tries to introspect a lot and also communicates for a living at this point in my life, a lot of social life is really a performance. Takara is performing both in the literal sense and in that she is constantly trying to step back and look at the big picture, see where she fits on the stage and in what shape. She is painfully aware of her limitations-- that she's a bad liar, a hypocrite, and above all a big fucking wuss-- and so the roles she takes on tend to be more likely to put her in less confrontational situations. She's comfortable, in the end, being a singer because the context is that it's a very small venue and she feels safe. Outside of that context, she is doe-eyed, scared, and a follower. She moves with the breeze and wonders how on earth she got carried away.

The comparison to a clown is a specific aspect of this whole "performer" thing. You may have heard of Jester's Privilege, which is the concept that the court jester can say whatever he wants because it is of no consequence. No body listens to you, boo hoo, but also...if nobody listens to you, you have no real responsibility. This is why Takara did not want to name herself. She has a lot of trouble claiming responsibility. She, however, also knows it's impossible to be so small and quiet you stop existing. So if you HAVE to exist and be known, to be a clown is a pretty good alternative. You can be silly, you can talk, you can sing...and no one will take you seriously. In a world so foreign and dangerous...that's a very safe place to be.

As a side note, I also call Tobi a clown and jester for very similar reasons, even if the exact nature and permanency of the persona in his personality differs. They both perform; Tobi's role is more specified and changes less from situation to situation, whereas Takara has more flexibility as she attempts to be sincere through masking and coping with her mental illness and bizarre circumstance. Tobi is sincere only in the outcomes he intends from his words and actions as the Akatsuki's royal clown.

She is, ultimately, my analysis on my own desire to be safe and liked while also being scrupulously kind. I am drawing from fantasies I've had off and on since I was a teen about being a rescued innocent finally given the adoration that will heal me...and thinking about it more critically. I think that's the best summary of where I'm coming from here when I write. I'm trying to draw from the idea of an adored and cherished self insert/reader insert and seeing how it would most likely play out. I guess that's another aspect of her being a performer, too: I want her to wear multiple faces as both her own character and a subversion of the sort of fanfics that I've spent so much time reading.

Please feel free to send more asks if you want to know more about her, the fic, or how I write the Akatsuki in it! I'm hoping this is a good start to answering your question and helping you understand where I'm coming from.

[carmenpeach]

sucks how long finishing my midwest sonic comic has taken since i was hopeful to get it done at the beginning of the year but sometimes things just dont go as planned. but ive been starting to get back into drawing and i do often think about how the next/ last chapter will go. i think one thing is that its been written in a way where something is gonna happen that i personally dont really want it to, so ive been stuck between "heres what i want these characters to do" vs "heres whats reasonably going to happen between these characters with the way its been laid out" vague on purpose for "spoiler" purposes but you know how it is. and a while ago i started outlining another sonic comic i wanna make but im not sure if i want to make such a serious story with them. ive taken a lot of detailed notes, but i think the idea is too big for what these characters can provide. i wanna make a story thats about shadow developing schizophrenia, moreso as a reflection on my experience growing up schizophrenic and the way it just increased over time. and i think i can reasonably depict episodes and delusions etc

"unreality" talk below i guess

but when i play with shadow as being schizophrenic i dont usually touch upon the like... i dont have a word for it, but the like "evil being dimension" is a concept i dont directly acknowledge to others. so ive realized i will never be able to get across the feeling of the psychosis related to that without making it a major factor of the story, and it feels too dangerous to be too upfront with it. i have some ocs that exist in a world where that is "real" and over the years whenever i tried working on it i would end up sending myself into an episode since its acknowledging it and that makes them aware of me aware of them and its just very risky. i can talk about it more now but... something feels wrong bringing it up so casually now, disrespectful in a way.

to say it like that i cant find the words. to talk about it as if its "fake" or with the idea of "its not real its just cause im insane" is so disingenuous. of "its real but its not but its real to me but not to others but its real cause i am aware of it and that makes me special in a way that is bad, but it cant get others without this special knowledge but its like a divine gift in a bad way, but its real but its not but it is but" etc etc but ive been almost enjoying talking more upfront about this concept, since i feel safer now. "but is being safe a good thing? why am i suddenly safe now? will it come back, will i feel it? just because that connection was taken, who has control?" god this is such a long winding thought that i think i could only articulate through a thick novel length of text. the way i am a different person without it, but i am still me, but "me" has always been just a fraction of myself, i am/ was more than one being, but what parts of those were myself and what parts were something else has become blurred etc. as if i was showed some horrible truth and then i am left with just the memory that slowly burns a hole in my brain and my heart. what im saying is that its a more complex thought then what im willing to do with shadow, since i never saw his schizophrenia as encompassing that idea, but more "surface level" in delusions/ hallucinations etc. so i still want to make a deeper comic story with him but it wont be able to touch upon that concept. i have some drafts drawn up of scenes and there just feels something bizarre in recreating episodes ive had but with him, since there are certain personal details that need to be taken out and that sort of takes away very important details to what makes the delusion/ hallucination so terrifying. i have a lot of thoughts on this that im not really sure how to articulate.

i think because maybe psychosis and this "dimension" concept are just too difficult to describe to others that dont understand it first hand. and i would like to be able to showcase this to others in a way that makes sense, which is unfortunately a challenge i dont think i can do properly. its not enough to just describe it, it has to be understood. i dont wanna give up on this endeavor, but i dont think shadow is the vessel that can do this, but it can be a start. i think i could do it better with my ocs i mentioned earlier, but the fantastical aspect of that story unfortunately hinders it to an extent. complex thoughts

[uramitashi]

not focusing on women's beauty - 1/7

so i am doing a silly little experiment about female beauty. because it is so emphatized in our society and so strictly linked to objectification and sexualisation, i have decided that for a week i am voluntarily ignoring any woman's physical aspect - no matter how symemetrical, colorful, or whatever. This is where i spoke about it!

so anyway a day has passed and:

it has admittedly not been as easy as expected, especially because i think it's something that gets ingrained on a deeper level. I think i caught myself doing it only the 40% of the times i was doing it.

This is especially true for myself: i noticed that i istinctively spend a lot of my mental energy making sure i am presentable. Is my hairstyle still good, does this pose make me look like i have a double chin, is the expression i am making too unapproachable, should i be more elegant in my movements, do i look weird with a polo, should i put on something that embraces my curves more, is it ok if i dont use makeup, etc.

I ended up thinking - are those thoughts normal to have? If i know a certain degree of physical awareness is not bad, where do i draw the line? And i thought that maybe the problems are two: a. I put too much focus on appearance, b. I put the focus on apperance in a wrong way, too. All the times i caught myself thinking about a perceived ugliness of mine, it was a neutral moment of my life when i did not need to think about that. So it's not only about worrying too much about it, but also not directing it in a useful way.

Regarding other girls' beauty, I realized that seeing the photo of a "beautiful" woman without focusing on her appearance made me panic, as if i was losing control of a power i have. I think that i know a woman's beauty is sadly an important parameter of her worth as of now, and by not being concentrated on her "perfect" details, i was losing potential knowledge about that power that i could be applying to me. This is a complicated thought to express - maybe the interiorization of the male gaze?

I still notice men's beauty. In fact a side effect of my experiment is that while i want to stop focusing on women's appearance, i also want to emphatize my interest in men's. "Obsessing" over their beauty is difficult because a. the very "beautiful" men out there are only a few, because b. there is no driving societal force that makes me notice their beauty with the same energy and c. men just... exist and a few happen to be beautiful. They have no glitter, no tight short clothes, no makeup that accentuates their complexion, no long blonde wavy hair, no long nails, no nothing. They are neutral. Their photos are not eye-catching. Their body parts are neutrally covered. Their poses are not as hot as humanly possible. This reminds me of that redkatherinee comic where she articulated the reason why women feel so much the need to beautify themselves (please send it to me if you got what i mean!) men really are not subjugated to all that. Like they could beautify/decorate themselves but they only seem to do it in situations where they are fully in control. This is something i know very well but it is always weird to actively notice it in my daily life

i think i really do need to think through the way i, personally, treat the concept of feminine beauty in my daily life. feels like i got a lot to understand, a lot to change

will keep updating!!

[cosmichighpriestess]

Self Love (part two)

I previously wrote about self love and the inner work that I've discovered for myself and what has worked for me. When we come into higher states of awareness it becomes clear that self love is of the utmost importance in order to expand and truly evolve. We hear the phrases, " just love yourself, focus on self love, self care, you have to learn to love yourself to be loved." Ect. But no one ever tells you how to truly love yourself because it takes a lot of healing first. It's important to remember you cannot truly love yourself until you've done inner healing work daily and mostly it's trial and error, getting back up again after difficult days of feeling not good enough, beating ourselves up, feeling unappreciated, unloved, and searching for validation outside ourselves only to discover that doesn't work and it's not real self love to only focus on the outside.

We must choose to go inwards. We must tune into our hearts, and connect with our soul to see what it is we truly need to do and heal in order to love ourselves. When we love on ourselves we instantly raise our vibration. Anything we dislike about ourselves are just concepts based from third dimensional beliefs from human programming of what is "good" and "bad" with no real substance other than your belief in them. Change the belief, change your reality. What does practicing self love really entail? When we truly want to love ourselves without faking it, we practice boosting our self confidence. We spend quality time with ourselves. We invest in our self care rituals. We reprogram our limiting, false negative beliefs about ourselves daily. We dig deeper in all ways to truly eliminate all false illusions about ourselves.

We say and write down positive self love affirmations daily, and we immediately throw away any negative thoughts about ourselves that are lies. We become self disciplined and regularly challenge our old self and give ourselves a stress free life by making things easier on our future self. We start saying no to everything not in alignment with our higher selves. We stop beating ourselves up, and start honoring and nurturing our sacred vessels. We cut out smoking, drinking, drugs, eating disorders, giving away our bodies, and we start drinking more water, eating healthy, healing our bodies, and we cut out anyone negative in our lives with firm boundaries. We no longer tolerate or accept their ignorance and abuse in our lives and we take back our power and our energy. We burn bridges because we know we can swim. We stop letting others with lower states of consciousness take advantage of us just because they don't know how to love themselves. No one can truly love you unless they love themselves. When you have a consciousness of self-loathing, self hatred you draw to yourself the experiences supporting more of that energy.

At a certain point of our evolution it becomes easier to love ourselves because of our higher states of consciousness. When we love ourselves, most people no longer become attractive to us unless we can see they are good for us. We can truly become even more isolated because fewer and fewer people have done the inner work that we have done on ourselves. You only allow people into your life if they deserve you. You stop needing other people to make you feel less lonely, and they become a bonus in your life, not a necessity. The qualities we dislike about ourselves are really our inner child desperately seeking support, love, and approval from us. Whenever you find yourself judging yourself harshly just become conscious and aware, and say, "Oh you again. No we're not doing that anymore. I'm in charge now and I say we're enough as I am now and I love every part of myself completely." You will always be a spiritual being regardless if you choose a reality of heaven or hell, your human flaws and errors are not who you truly are underneath. You will not be punished just because you have a bad habit. Consciousness is always moving forward, you are always evolving no matter how slowly; evolution never stops.

When we keep evolving we keep discovering our true form. Once you stop feeding the negative illusions about yourself they disappear because they have nothing to hold them in place. When we love ourselves we see our worth and we stop second guessing ourselves. Loving ourselves is moving out of old third dimensional beliefs and realizing that everything I need is embodied within me because Source/God is Self and I am already complete and perfect now.  If I choose to share that with someone else, that is great, but I do not, never have, and never will need someone outside of myself in order to be whole. Once you transform yourself in mind, body, and soul you truly make it easier to love every part of yourself because you are healed and you did it. No one else did it for you; you can no longer be broken or have those self loathing tendencies because you built yourself up and you are living from a higher state of consciousness. You become unbreakable, secure in yourself and love yourself completely. Nothing and no one can take it away from you.

[emmabaginskyartwhimsy]

Dear creative humans,

Do you keep having fun and interesting ideas only to shove them aside? Are you stuck in the all-too-familiar trap of “maybe one day…”

NO MORE! I’m tired of doing that and this is how I’m going to do it.

The Project

An idea for a Silly Goose Themed Tarot deck popped into my head last week, and I was like, oh absolutely. Then I started sketching, and I knew it was over for me. I needed this thing to exist.

The only issue is I’ve never attempted a project this big. A tarot deck has 78 cards in it. That’s s e v e n t y - e i g h t individual drawings AND a booklet that describes each card. This would be a serious undertaking.

The first step in starting a project is figuring out: why?

The “why” is the most important step. People seem to forget that these creative projects are a lot of hard work. If you don’t have a satisfying enough “why”, your brain will throw every excuse at you as to why you should logically give up. A silly little defense mechanism our organic vessels came up with to protect us from anything painful. Even when it’s good for us.

The problem is that growth is painful. So if you ever want to grow, you’re gonna have to get used to being uncomfortable.

Your “why” should be (mostly) internally motivated. Remember, the only thing you can control is yourself. If the reason for your creative pursuit is external validation (e.i, Internet likes & money), you are giving away your power to forces you have no control over. So inevitably, when you only get a handful of likes, you are much more likely to give up and think “what’s the point?”

The point is creating something that never existed before! There are things in your soul that will never be made unless you take the leap.

Reasons why I am undertaking this project:

#1: This is a fun concept that needs to exist

I love tarot and think it is a helpful tool. Making my own deck will help me connect with the cards, especially because I have to research the card meanings.

I really want to hold the finished deck

Improve my digital painting skills

Starting and finishing a project like this will allow me to build skills that I need for future BIGGER projects.

I will have a cool product to sell at Art Fairs!

My mind, body, and soul are all on board 👍

“I am not afraid of a little hard work” (if you know, you know)*

Not only am I going to be making a tarot deck, I am also committing to documenting the process on social media. This adds another layer of difficulty.

Reason why I am posting on social media:

#1: Recording the process and writing everything down will help me process my thoughts. Which will hopefully make condensing my thoughts into the booklet easier.

Sharing my interest with others! I might get people interested in tarot & teach people a little bit about tarot cards.

Internet footprint: If my legacy in life is being the “Silly Goose Lady,” that's a win.

Documenting growth. A good way to visualize progress.

Grow an audience that vibes with me

People might like it and want to purchase it when it’s finished

Inspire others to make their own creative projects

Okay so, now what? Wanting to do something and actually doing something are two entirely different beasts. The only thing standing between me and my goal is me.

How to control chaos incarnate?

The chaos goblin inside me hates the idea of structure. Nobody can tell me what to do, especially me.

“What if all this planning stifles my creative energy?” Cries the goblin.

This is where self-awareness comes in handy. The goblin loves exploration, which is both a good and a bad thing. If you let the goblin take the lead, you’ll never know quite where you’ll end up. My goblin is easily distracted and, more often than not, has led me to a bunch of dead ends.

Creating structure is not something you should fear as an artist. Instead of ridgid unforgiving chains, think of the planning process like bumpers in a bowling lane. A good plan will contain the goblin to the task at hand while still having fun in the process.

Making a good plan in 5 Steps

Making a good plan is all about thinking ahead and making most of the decisions now so you don’t get decision fatigue later. Otherwise, things get messy and overwhelming pretty quickly.

1. Set a time frame

If you want to reach the finish line, you need to set a pace. Be realistic. Life comes with many responsibilities. How much time is this project going to take you?

I’m measuring this project by cards per week. I did the math on how long it would take me to finish 78 cards.

1 card/week = 78 weeks → October 2025 [1.5 years]

2 cards/week = 39 weeks → January 2025 [9 Months]

3 cards/week = 26 weeks → October 2024 [6 Months]

4 cards/week = 20 weeks → September 2024 [5 Months]

In the grand scheme of life, whether you achieve something in 5 months or 1.5 years doesn’t really matter. What matters is that you got it done. Aim for a pace that is sustainable for you. Burn out is a very real struggle. Life is all about balance.

As I continue the project, I will be able to readjust my expectations accordingly. I imagine that the rate of production will fluctuate but I’m aiming to complete 3 cards per week.

2. Set project constraints/parameters

Put down that pitchfork, Chaos Goblin, and let me explain.

Limiting yourself is actually good for creativity.

I need each illustration to feel like they are a part of the same world. I’m achieving that goal by limiting things like color palette, subject, and art style.

By choosing to keep the same parameters for each of the 78 illustrations, I am freeing myself from the overwhelming task of making a bunch of decisions over and over again. That’s when a project really gets messy and overwhelming.

When in doubt, simplify.

For my project, each tarot card has a well established meaning that acts like a prompt. The Fool card, for example, is about new beginnings and taking the first step. The creative goblin gets to “silly goose-ify” this prompt without having to deal with the infinite well of choices.

3. Make a process that makes sense for you

How are you actually doing the thing? This is where the consistency really comes to play. A bad system will feel redundant and full of friction. If you hate doing a part of your project, you’re more likely to never pick it up again.

This is why I decided to draw each card digitally. This solves a lot of efficiency issues and will save me a lot of time. Imagine having to drag a tripod and camera around with me anytime I wanted to draw. The logistics of that sounds like my absolute nightmare. I only have one camera battery that lasts for about 30 - 45 mins for filming videos. Then, when I’m done, I have to scan every drawing into the computer anyway. No thank you.

Instead, I have an editing-software that screen records me while I’m drawing on my laptop/tablet. Now that’s easy 👍

4. Make a schedule

If you want this goal to come into reality, you need to put time into it. How much time is up to you, everyone's life situation is different. Remember, small consistent blocks of time are all you need to make significant progress.

I am currently a stay at home parent to a very young child. This comes with its own set of advantages and drawbacks. I spend most days looking after my son but I’ve carved out a strategy that works well for my situation.

I broke down the different tasks of my projects and assigned them to each day of the work week. This way I know exactly what I should be working on each day.

My work day bounces from nap to nap but most of my free time is at night after the baby goes to sleep around 6:30pm.

5. Set Boundaries & Priorities

Now here’s where I fight back a little on “hustle culture.” Life is meant to be lived, not toiled away. Make sure you take time for yourself. Time spent taking care of your mind, body, and soul is not wasted. The well of creativity needs replenishing, so breaks are actually a very efficient use of your time.

And FOR PETE’S SAKE, GO TO BED. The work will wait for you. Your brain needs to sleep in order to process all the information it took in today. “Sleep on it” is indeed a real thing. You might wake up with a new idea on how to fix whatever ailed you yesterday.

For me, my family takes priority. My husband works during the week, so I try to keep the weekends open for fun family outings or cozy days inside.

Our children will only be young once. I am making it a point to enjoy the time we spend together instead of stressing about a “lack of free time.” For me, my children will always be my greatest work. On the hard days, I remind myself that there will be a time where I don’t have small hands clinging to me as I try to put the dishes away. They will be off on their own adventures and I will miss those small hands very dearly.

Some closing thoughts

Remember that your plan should be flexible. Just because you mess up doesn’t mean you need to give up entirely. Take a second to go back over the plan and change the things that aren’t working. Failure is only a temporary learning state. It is not something you need to carry with you.

So go forth and create some things we’re never seen before.

The only thing left to do is take the leap.

Good luck, I’m rooting for you.

Emma

*Guess that kid’s TV show. Of course it’s Bluey lol.