#I am a good liar but can't tell if anyone is lying

[guess-ill-dye]

As someone who wad always told I lives "In my own world", I wonder if everyone meant it had a compliment or an insult

[buckyalpine]

Bucky can’t lie

A smutty thot. Imagine the avengers fucking around with a lie detector test, testing how well the super soldiers were trained. Steve failed instantly while stating his own name, blushing from embarrassment. Bucky was shoved into the chair next.

And he was disgustingly good.

The wires were attached to him within seconds, with questions flying left right and center. He crossed his arms over his chest with an eyeroll, answering the most ridiculous questions each person would throw at him.

"What the hell Barnes, there's no way, you can't be serious"

The super soldier smirked, while the others watched the needle scratch on the paper steadily, not a single signal indicating he was lying. It was going great until Tony's eyes lit up with a brilliant idea.

“Wait. Get y/n in here”

You sauntered into the room, scrunching your face seeing Bucky hooked up to the machine, while the rest of the team stared at him intently. The faintest uptick scratched onto the paper making Steve cock an eyebrow while Bucky's expression remained the same.

"What am I doing here and why's Bucky-

"Shh, just stand there. We're trying to see if we can get Bucky to fail a lie detector test. Alright, new question. Is there anyone in this room you've thought about naked" Tony asked while all eyes stared at Bucky, the soldier biting his lip.

"No"

"Hm" Tony nodded, continuing. "Is there anyone in this room you've thought about having sex with"

"What kind of questions are you asking, pervert" Bucky exhaled through his nose, his finger tapping against the seat.

"Just answer the question Barnes" Tony smiled sweetly, grinning when the needle already started to move a little higher than before.

"No"

The needle ticked higher making Bucky huff, ignoring the way his face heated up when you stepped closer to peer at the paper.

"Interesting. Slight deception detected there Barnes, you sure about that?"

"Yes" Bucky forced through gritted teeth, managing to keep the needle from jumping around too much.

"Here, let me" You smirked, pulling Tony away from the seat, gazing into the soldiers eyes while he threw you a cocky smirk.

"Think you can do better doll?" He sassed while you shrugged, the scent of your perfume already making hi sweat.

"Have you ever thought of kissing me?" The needle jolted before Bucky could even open his mouth, making the others screech while Bucky shook his head. "Liar"

"You ever thought about me naked? You like watching me out on the field?"

"No" Bucky's pulse raced, his pants starting to feel too tight, the test scribbling wildly.

"Okay this mf lying" Sam snorted while Bucky's flushed cheeks grew hotter.

"Really? You ever think about me on my knees for you? Sucking your cock?"

"No" The needle nearly jolted off the sheet, making Tony cackle, clapping his hands madly while Steve blushed and chuckled, torn between watching his best friend's walls crumble and running out of the room with your questions getting filthier and filthier.

"You think about cumming down my throat? having me swallow all of you, telling you how good you taste?"

"No"

"You think about having me naked on your bed, soldier? Moaning for you? Screaming your name?"

"You think about stuffing me with your babies Jamie? Getting me pregnant with that serum running through your veins?"

"You want me to call you daddy baby? How about Sergeant"

"Do you want me to be your slutty baby, drip all over your cock"

"N-No" Bucky gritted out again while Sam threw his hands up.

"You're not fooling anyone dumbass, I think you broke the needle" The machine nearly gave way with a high pitched whizz matching Bucky's racing heartrate. You grinned, getting up from your seat, making him pant.

"Do I make you horny baby" You slinked onto his lap, making Bucky finally break his resolve, his hands flying to your waist.

"Fuck yes. C'mere" He hissed, ripping the wires off and tossing you over his shoulder with a spank while Tony peered over at the paper with a satisfied smirk.

"No lies detected"

[webslingingslasher]

hii!! can you do one where situationship!peter like yells at trouble or something along those lines or is like embarrassed to be seen w her (i jsut wanna read something angsty 😭😭)

no rush ofc!! hope u had a good new years 🎀

added these two asks together <3

what do u think that frat!peter would do if he made trouble cry, like it was his fault

-----

when peter got a congratulatory clap on his shoulder with a 'heard you got cuffed up. good for you, man.' he brushed it off. peter had a good guess on why someone made that connection, he's been a little handsy with you at parties, and on campus. it's a natural thought.

when peter got nudged by a member of another frat, and a 'congrats, bro. she's a hottie.' he felt confused.

the third time it happened, while at his own house, peter finally asked what was up. 'where did you hear that?' a punch to his arm, 'your chick. she's telling everyone you're her boyfriend.'

and that? it made his blood boil.

'she's lying, i'm not dating anyone.' the brother's eyebrows raised, 'oh. i mean, i guess she told ja-' peter spoke up louder, 'she's a fucking liar.' the brother leaves it alone.

peter was almost pacing his floor while waiting for you. you've brought it up a thousand times, he's made his opinion very clear, and yet you're going behind his back and telling everyone he's the one thing he's not.

you don't notice his distaste, reaching out for a kiss you're dodged. peter wants to scoff at your pout, no wonder you feel sad, your boyfriend refused your touch.

'anything you wanna tell me, trouble?'

you're immediately taken back by his tone. 'anything that might get back to me?' you have a sinking feeling you know what it's about, you didn't know it would be whispered about, but you should've.

but, you won't put your foot in your mouth yet. 'i don't think so.' peter lets out a dry laugh, 'no? there's nothing that you did that makes you look fucking crazy?'

you swallow hard, is that what he thought of you? if so, he's wrong. 'i'm not crazy.' peter throws his hands up, 'really? okay, let's see if we can figure this one out together. i'm not your boyfriend, but apparently you're telling people i am. is that supposed to make you look sane?'

it's downright mean. 'you're being very condescending right now, peter. i don't like it.' peter's loud with his next sentence. 'just how i don't like being called your fucking boyfriend?'

your world comes crashing down. how could he be so brutal with such ease. it's so harsh you can't swallow back your emotions.

tears blot at your eyes while your lower lip trembles. 'is the idea of being with me that bad?' peter feels as crushed as you look. once it starts you can't stop, and to break down in front of peter, after he just called you fucking crazy, makes you dehumanize yourself.

you huff small breaths and try to wipe away the tears as they fall. you struggle to say your words without pausing to gasp. 'you didn't even... ask why.' it brings a new wave, he's being silent and you think it's over and final and you didn't get a chance to plead your case.

'i need... to leave.' you can't breathe, you can't even feel your feet when you move. you don't make it far because peter's in front of you and using his chest to back you up.

'alright, alright. just stop crying, okay?' peter doesn't know what to do because he's never actually made a girl cry that hard, or at least in his face, making him aware of his actions and how he could've tried to approach this in a calm way.

'you hate me,' you gasp, 'and you think i'm crazy,' another gasp, but this time you're scooped into his hold. 'stop. please, stop. please stop crying.' peter thinks if he squeezes you hard enough he could piece the parts he ruined back together.

'i'm sorry. i'm so sorry.' peter doesn't know what he wanted, but it wasn't a pleading apology coughed out between sobs. fuck, he was mean, wasn't he? 'stop it, trouble. just breathe, alright? it's done, okay?'

oh, peter's shit at this. you cry even harder, 'i know we are. i'm so sorry, i'll tell everyone i made it up and... and you-'

'we're not done. the conversation is done. just please stop fucking crying.' peter can't stress it enough because he feels so guilty he's about to start crying in solidarity.

'no! not until, not until you hear-'

'i'm not going to listen to anything until you can say three words without holding your breath.' it's useless, 'i think i'm dying.' you don't know how, but you're held even tighter to his chest, 'you're not dying. you're upset because i said mean things.'

you're able to take a deep breath, it feels good. 'you did.' peter can finally relax, you're not on the verge of passing out anymore. 'i know. i was really mean, wasn't i?'

'yeah.' fuck, he really, really hates how miserable he made you. peter cares about you, it's the one thing he makes sure to tell you, but he doesn't think you talk to the people you care about that way.

'i promise i'm not crazy, i just-'

'you're not crazy and i should've never said that.' you try to keep your face tilted down when peter pulled back, but he was adamant on having you look at him.

'i'm so sorry, okay? i was caught off guard by all these comments today and i took it out on you. you're right, i should've asked why. but i didn't, and i'm sorry.'

'jackson ruth got all weird and touchy at his party last week and i just blurted out that you were my boyfriend so he'd leave me alone and i swear i didn't mean for him to have it spread.'

you hate that you made him ashamed, maybe you said that part out loud too because you think you saw something break inside his eyes.

peter softly cups your face, any stray droplets cleared with a brush of his thumbs under your eyes. 'i'm not ashamed of you, i'd never be ashamed of you. you're my baby.'

hook, line, and sinker.

'you are always allowed to use my name if you need to, i promise. i was a dick and i made you cry and now i feel like shit that i made you feel like shit, and now i feel even shitter because i'm somehow making this about me.'

you wrap your hands around his, you'd rather him keep his hold. you feel special. 'do you mean it?' peter nods softly, he leans down for a kiss. it's warming, your chest blossoms wide.

if you were fucking crazy, hypothetically, you'd claim the accusation boldly when he says 'on everything i love.'

[cousmemes]

dialogue starters from DOCTOR WHO SEASON 9. feel free to edit for context / continues under the cut.

"Why do you always assume I'm lying?"

"An enemy's just a friend you don't really know yet."

"Wherever you go, there are people who care enough to find you."

"Anyone can hide from an enemy. No one from a friend."

"I did something wrong. I let somebody down when I should have been brave enough and strong enough to do better."

"You do realise you're still an idiot."

"Are you any good with a broadsword?"

"It's okay. I'm not going to hurt you. Just don't run."

"He doesn't know we're here, does he?"

"When do I not see you?"

"Nobody dies here. Not one person, not one of my friends, do you understand?"

"You want to know how dangerous I am?"

"Is that supposed to frighten me?"

"If she is really dead, then you'd better be very, very careful how you tell me."

"What am I even looking for?"

"They don't have much respect for you, do they?"

"I'm so glad you didn't have to see that."

"I'm your friend. I'm your friend!"

"You know what? I've just had a very clever idea."

"How long do you think it's been down here?"

"What's wrong? You're not happy. Why aren't you happy? Tell me."

"Wait, wait. I don't think they're going to hurt us."

"Where do you think you're going?"

"Do you know what you need? You need a hobby."

"Where have you been? Everyone's been looking for you."

"We're coming back, aren't we?"

"I'm fine, by the way, in case you were worried."

"We need to get there. It's our only way out."

"You're sure they're not going to hurt us?"

"You seem to know an awful lot about me."

"I'm asking what I should say to you."

"I'm not ready yet. I don't want to think about that. Not yet."

"You didn't try very hard to stop her, though, did you?"

"You can't cheat time."

"No one is coming to save you."

"You're always talking about what you can and can't do but you never tell me the rules."

"We're time travellers. We tread softly. It's okay to make ripples, but not tidal waves."

"I had a dream you'd all died. It was so real, I thought I'd made it happen."

"There's nothing to fear, strange maiden."

"What's the one thing that gods never do? Gods never actually show up!"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you afraid."

"I have no reason to fear you."

"Not every misfortune that befalls us is down to you."

"We're not cowards. We do not run."

"Stay. You could help us. I know you could."

"A good death? Is that the best we can hope for?"

"I've got a hobby, thanks. It's you, by the way."

"Every time we do something like this, I keep thinking, what if something happens to you?"

"What do you think our chances are tomorrow?"

"I cannot keep you safe. I do not have the strength. But I will try to till the last beat of my heart."

"I'm sick of losing people."

"Look at you, with your eyes, and your never giving up, and your anger, and your kindness."

"One day, the memory of that will hurt so much that I won't be able to breathe."

"I do it for the adventure. Isn't that what life's all about?"

"Now is not the time to be showing off."

"How many people have you lost?"

"Why should I be responsible for you?"

"You're not like this. I know you're not."

"This is what you made of me."

"Did you miss me?"

"What's going on here? Fun and games?"

"I'm a friend. I've come to help."

"Don't do this. You know it's me. Don't let them trick you."

"I love you. I forgive you and I love you."

"You're talking nonsense to distract me from being really scared."

"You see, that's the problem. I am a brilliant liar. How are you ever going to know?"

"So, you must have thought I was dead for a while. How was that?"

"Do I look like I'm kidding? Is this a kidding face?"

"Is that your answer for everything?"

"Oh, admit it. I totally saved your life."

"What were you doing last night?"

"There is no nice way to say you're about to die."

"You enjoyed that way too much."

"You were upset, weren't you?"

"They look at me as if they want to kill me themselves."

"I did this to save you, you silly thing."

"Why do they always run?"

"So this is your life, then? Just bouncing around saving people?"

"Oh, she is the worst. I love her. Take that how you like."

"I swear, I never meant for anyone to get hurt."

"What were you thinking? Sacrificing yourself?"

"I can do whatever the hell I like."

"You've read the stories. You know who I am. In all of that time, did you ever hear anything about anyone who stopped me?"

"I did this, do you hear me? I did this. This is my fault."

"Listen, if this is the last I ever see of you, please, not like this."

"No. This - This isn't happening. This can't be happening."

"Why can't I be like you?"

"You're going to be alone now and you're very bad at that."

"Don't let this change you."

"Don't go. Stay with me."

"This is as brave as I know how to be."

"I know it's going to hurt you but, please, be a little proud of me."

"I can't keep doing this. I can't! I can't always do this! It's not fair!"

"You are not the only person who ever lost someone. It's the story of everybody. Get over it."

"Nothing's sad until it's over. Then everything is."

"Is this a story or did this really happen?"

"Isn't this going a little far?"

"I'll try not to break your jaw."

"Please, I don't want this."

"Look at me again. In the eye. Look at me. Just do it."

"Tell me what they did to you."

"People like me and you, we should say things to one another."

"You really are thick, aren't you?"

"You don't seem surprised to see me."

"I'm trying to keep you safe."

"Nobody's ever safe. I've never asked you for that. Ever."

"These have been the best years of my life and they are mine."

"So what happens now? Hey? Me and you, what do we do now?"

"Why don't we just fly away somewhere?"

"I don't think I could ever forget you."

"No. Stop it. You're saying goodbye. Don't say goodbye!"

"Run like hell, because you always need to. Laugh at everything, because it's always funny. Never be cruel and never be cowardly. And if you ever are, always make amends."

"I didn't mean to do this. I'm sorry."

"Yeah, that would be nice, wouldn't it?"

"Why does everybody think I am so scared?"

[thisisjustmefangirling]

Merlin rewatch : 2x09 "The lady of the lake"

Freya must have been so cold wearing these rags…

Gaius, your acceptance/resignation towards people being sold for a price if they have magic freaks me out.

As if Merlin was going to let a defenseless looking girl stay in that cage… Especially someone with magic. He feels empathy for them.

Is that the first time we're seeing the Rising sun tavern ?

Oh Merlin is using so many spells in a few minutes, I'm loving it…

"Here, I thought you might be cold."

"I just saw you and… It could have been me, in that cage".

WHY is Merlin not stealing from the kitchens instead of bringing Arthur a rotten apple and a stale piece of bread ? The NERVE ?! I wouldn't have given this to anyone, even less my BOSS, a PRINCE.

Arthur's indignation : "I am fighting fit!"

I think this is where we're getting started with the fatphobic jokes…

Arthur has scratches/scars on his chest ? Where did he get that ?

Merlin giving Arthur "Sire" because he knows he fucked up…

Oh Freya was a druid ?

Merlin !!!! How did you not realise that that bathwater was BOILING and could COOK ARTHUR TO DEATH ?

"You need to warn them, Sire. The girl is dangerous. My informer told me she was cursed."

"How so ?"

"He didn't know. But he said even the druids were frightened of her. They cast her out of their camp."

So Freya is an outcast. Just like Merlin, in some way. Merlin is so powerful it'd be easy to be afraid of him once he's mature enough. He's not part of the druids. Neither is Freya.

Add butter to that bread and cheese and you get un jambon-beurre haha.

"Believe me, it's fit for a prince" hahaha no shit Merlin !

"He knows but I'm not sure he understands". => Merlin about Gaius knowing about Merlin's magic.

"Magic is not a curse. It can be a gift!" Oh baby in 1x01 you feared you were a monster ?

Merlin is lying to Gaius' face and his very inquisitive eyes…

Merlin stealing Arthur's food is supposed to be a joke, okay, but I'm not sure I like it now. Arthur is being deprived of a good breakfast and lunch. He'll be cranky come evening. Give him food.

"Merlin is my servant, he has my absolute trust. If you have a problem with him, you come to me. Do you understand ?"

This line is doing things to my heart, oh la la…

The fact that Arthur doesn't question Merlin AT ALL about his strange behaviour, they just bicker about the stolen sausages and Arthur's weight and then Merlin just… leaves. And goes straight to see Freya.

"I scare most people away" Freya you deserve better…

"You can't always trust people."

"I know. That's why I left home."

Merlin :/ Babe <3

Let it be remembered that Merlin can make flowers appear, but not food.

"With you, I can just be who I am. We don't have to hide anything. I don't have to worry."

"Being different is nothing to be scared of".

AND THAT SINGLE TEAR ROLLING DOWN HIS CHEEK !

Awww Merlin behaving like a lovesick puppy <3

This is the first time Merlin even THINKS about leaving Camelot. He's known Freya for two days. He's just really desperate to be known for who he really is, and to be free…

Moths and woodworms : the "reasons" why Merlin is snooping into closets and bedside tables he should not be touching at all.

"Running an errand for Gaius" : excuse number 1 for weird shit and secret missions Merlin is doing.

Arthur not giving a fuck about Merlin possibly crossdressing for fun in his spare time : "As long as you do a decent day's work, Merlin, that's all I care about. […] What a man does in his spare time is completely up to him". And then the compliment : "colour suits you Merlin".

This is day three now.

"We can leave tonight, as soon as it gets dark, and we can be together".

Horses, blankets and food and they won't need more. A second kiss, and goodbye. Freya doesn't have the heart to tell him.

"There was a time when you thought twice about lying to me".

Yet Merlin said "Of course not!" which such an air of sincerity… Oh yeah, he's turning into a really good liar…

Mais Gaius t'es tellement une grosse balance, t'es là à lécher les pompes d'UTHER au lieu de régler le problème avec Merlin !

"You can never understand. Do you know how it feels to be a monster? To be afraid of who you are ?"

"Freya is very different from you. She's dangerous."

Oh I didn't remember Arthur saw her in her human form ! Lol he's just there blinking as she's turning into a bastet…

I can't freaking believe Arthur's guards and knights are running away while Arthur is trying to fight the bastet !

MERLIN ! You almost crushed Arthur to death !

He's petting her head ???

OH is Freya a rape survivor, forced to kill people by the mother of her rapist ? That's so fucked up…

"Please go."

"No. I'm not leaving you here".

The PARALLELS with Arthur's dying moments !

"One day, Merlin, I will repay you. I promise". Okay but do we actually see that happen in the next seasons ? I don't remember her.

What I do remember from years ago is directors saying that Colin held that level of intensity and sadness for hours in the rain for those lake scenes.

It's the first time he has to light a funeral pyre for a friend and it sadly won't be the last…

That last scene with Arthur always gets to me. Arthur might be oblivious to a lot of things but he pays attention to Merlin more than Merlin might think, I'd say.

"Something's been upsetting you, hasn't it ?"

Arthur has seen Merlin doing the weirdest things in the past four days or so : stealing his food, calling him fat, giving him stale food to eat, stealing a dress, being accused of hiding a druid… And he doesn't accuse Merlin of anything himself. He thinks "Oh, Merlin has been upset. I must find out why. Maybe it's because of me." and then he sort of apologises and when words fail him, he uses action to make Merlin smile again. Because seeing Merlin smile, as we'll learn in the next seasons ("I haven't seen you smile in the past three days") is important to Arthur. Because he cares. Another thing that gets to me is that when Merlin is sitting upset doing his chores, Arthur usually comes to sit next to him, at his eye level, or even UNDER his eye level sometimes. Yet, a Prince should never be sitting at a lower level than a servant or any lesser noble. He gives himself the look of a listener, and he's bad with words and feelings (because of his father's shitty education) but he TRIES.

Last episode was Arthur centric, with Arthur showing his most intimate thoughts and feelings to/in front of Merlin : his grief and guilt about his mother's death, his rage at the idea that his father was responsible for her death, that he was a hypocrite and a liar... This episode was Merlin centric. I wonder what next episode will be like.

This episode was really good at exploring Merlin's feelings about his magic, his identity as a warlock, his sense of loneliness at the heart of Camelot. Gaius cares about him but is still loyal to Uther, and Merlin is not sure Gaius really understands him and what it's like to be a warlock. Arthur... Merlin cares about Arthur and Arthur cares about him, but Merlin knows that he could end up in a cage just like Freya. And I think a part of him might resent Arthur for it. Or at least, at the end of the episode, he's tired of his chores... But no wonder. Your crush is killed by your soulmate, and you still have to show up at work the next day and shine his boots ?

[notmorbid]

hannibal: season 1.

dialogue prompts from season one of nbc's hannibal.

fear is the price of imagination.

my thoughts are often not tasty.

not fond of eye contact, are you?

perception's a tool that's pointed on both ends.

i don't find you that interesting.

you and i are just alike.

how do you see me?

therapy doesn't work on me. i know all the tricks.

therapy is an acquired taste which i have yet to acquire.

i don't think we've ever been alone in a room together.

killing must feel good to god. he does it all the time.

last time i went to a dark place, i brought something back.

dogs keep a promise a person can't.

i remember. i just didn't want to talk about it.

i want the truth. which sometimes requires a little deception.

sounds like something a liar would say.

perception is the most important thing in your life right now.

i don't care what anyone thinks.

i'm gonna be messed up, aren't i?

there's no such thing as 'getting used to' what you experienced.

you do this a lot?

no wonder you have nightmares.

can you catch somebody's crazy?

everybody thinks you did it, you know.

why did you come back here?

i can help you, if you ask me to.

how did you know it was me?

i don't want to go to sleep.

i'll keep your secret.

whose family values?

when misery rains, it pours.

i'm not normal. not anymore.

what was done to you wasn't normal.

support groups are sucking the life out of me.

the family you're born with isn't really family.

tell me about your bad dreams.

i'll just have to get used to lying.

it's important to know when to turn the page.

you want me to do drugs?

more secrets for us.

it's okay. you're home now.

i'm a little taken aback, slash a lot taken aback.

i'm not even sure if i'm awake now.

i've got just the thing to wake you up.

this is not who you are.

who prays over us when we sleep?

do you wait until you think i'm asleep to come to bed?

can we have a conversation, or do you want to pretend everything's alright?

is there anything i can offer you romantically or spiritually or physically to help you out?

you can ask me anything you want.

why don't you come up with your own answers, if you don't like mine?

it's really a very dull story, though, isn't it?

do you want to be alone? don't answer that. just think about your answer.

i don't want you to be alone, not now and not ever.

it's your fight. but i'm in your corner.

i can't give you what you need.

i thought if i kept it to myself, our lives wouldn't change.

i didn't count on changing as much as i did.

i'm gonna sit here until you're ready to talk. you don't have to say a word until you're ready, but i'm not going anywhere until you do.

you looked like you were dreaming.

you're wearing a very well-tailored person suit.

i see enough of you to see the truth of you.

words are living things. they have personality, point of view, agenda.

did you think it was a date?

i googled 'psychopath'. went down the checklist.

i wouldn't be good for you.

it's nice when someone sees us, or has the ability to see us. it requires trust.

i was worried you were dead.

i feel like i've dragged you into my world.

not feeling like yourself is kind of what you do, isn't it?

clearly there's something you don't want to tell me.

i think you need to tell your own story.

no one knows more about ___ than i do.

i won't lie if you don't.

whatever you're feeling now, it won't last.

if you open this door, you won't control what comes through. are you ready for that?

where do you go when you sneak out?

everyone decides their own version of the truth.

i won't tell anything you don't want me to.

i wondered when you would tell me.

you're grieving for the life that was taken from you.

i am officially concerned about you.

i'm not entirely sure what i saw was real.

you're not alone. we are here together.

you made me think i was somebody else.

it's hard to shake off something that's already under your skin.

it's a terrible thing to have your identity taken from you.

it's hard to be with another person when you can't get out of your own head.

we all want things we can't have.

sometimes all we can do is watch.

do i look alive?

i hope you have good insurance.

i know what i did, but i don't remember it.

you made me chicken soup?

this wasn't supposed to be my life.

some places are stained now. some people, too.

i didn't feel safe. so i left.

if i run, they'll catch me, won't they?

you can't protect me anymore.

why did you really call?

i'm sorry i couldn't protect you in this life.

i can't do the silent treatment.

i thought i would get better.

i don't feel like i dodged a bullet.

are you confused about who i am?

i am who i've always been.

the scales have just fallen from my eyes. i can see you now.

you seemed like you needed to talk.

[pencilpat]

You Do Not Have to be Good - moceit

Patton hates alcohol. Not particularly for a moral reason, it just tastes godawful to him. But he came to Janus's room for a distraction, and goshdarnit he'll take it. He cringes through a sip as they sit on the floor, and Janus laughs.

"Oh, Patton, it's cider. Barely any alcohol at all, and you can barely stomach even that." As if to prove a point, Janus swings back his bottle and takes a sip so large he gulps audibly. Patton can't help a small giggle, even as bad as he feels.

"Gosh, Jan, I don't know how you and Logan handle this stuff."

"Simple. We're not man-babies."

Patton laughs and lightly punches Janus's shoulder, coaxing the smallest of smiles from the other man. He settles back against the wall. Janus isn't used to guests, aside from one who isn't a fan of sitting 'properly,' so he has no chairs strewn around his room the way the light sides do.

Janus tilts the liquid around in his bottle with a sigh. "Care to tell me what brought you to me today? My room isn't exactly one of our typical 'spots'."

"Oh! Oh, nothing special or anything, just checking up on you," he says, flashing a winning smile.

"How many times are we going to visit each other before you remember you can't lie to me?" Janus states bluntly, not looking at Patton at all, his eyes fixed on the blank wall across from them.

"Whu- uh- lying? I'm not-"

"How many times will I have to say that sentence? You can not follow 'you can't lie to me' up with a lie, Patton, that's not how this works."

"Look I- I don't really want to talk about it. I came to hang out with you, I don't wanna just-"

"So you're going to talk to one of the others then, yes?" Janus's eyes flit over the fading dark blue in Patton's hair. "How about Logan? I'm sure he'd totally be helpful here, I mean, being so good with his emotions."

Patton frowns at him and Janus sighs, rewording. "All I mean is, you don't talk to anyone else, so it stands to reason that if I don't get you to spit it out, you'll keep 'doing your thing' and only ever talking about how you feel at a surface level while letting the pressure below build and build until you blow up. Am I wrong?"

Patton blinks at him, and then turns away, curling his legs up towards his body and squeezing his free hand's nails into his palm. He's taken to doing that lately, though he doesn't know why. Someone says something that hurts, and he digs his nails deep into his skin or bites his lip so hard it bleeds, then the pain is gone. Dig, dig, gone. "That's not very kind, Janus."

Janus shrugs. The sun is beginning to set, and the room is going golden, the dark walls being cast in the shadows of Janus's blinds. "If someone was never anything but kind, they'd be a liar. I don't want to lie to you forever."

"You don't?"

"Oh wow, yeah, sound shocked about that, sure." Janus rolls his eyes, but he doesn't look angry. "Patton, it's stupid to keep going like you are. Look, if anyone can keep secrets, it's you and me - I'm the best one to talk to here. None of the others seem smart enough to notice how messed up you've been."

Patton cringes, and takes a drink of his cider, which makes him cringe harder. "I'm not... that bad, am I? That obvious?"

"It's pretty bad, dad," Janus sighs. He finally looks at the other man, meeting his eyes. "I promise, okay? And I don't do that lightly. I won't speak a word of whatever is bothering you."

Patton's brow furrows, and he breathes out slowly. He digs his nails into his palm again. Breathes again. Just the offer of talking is threatening to bust down year old dams, but perhaps Janus is right, and this needs to happen. And... he did promise. He's never done that before.

"It's not exactly simple to explain... I guess it's just- it's like- I'm-" Patton sighs, frustrated. "I just don't know anymore if- if I'll ever get it right."

"Right?"

"Being morality. Being... good." Patton's voice strains, and he wipes at his face. "I don't know if I can ever be good, be good enough, be good at my job. I've been messing up nearly everything lately! I can't keep Thomas good, and when I do try to keep him good, I end up being an overbearing jerk. I can't seem to make Roman happy, or Virgil anymore, and," Patton plays with the fringe tips of blue in his hair, almost subconsciously, "I can't make Logan feel good either. We used to be so, so close. Worked through all of our issues, we were really good friends! But he's been so- look, I know he says he doesn't feel anything, but I can tell he's feeling something! And he won't tell any of us about it."

Janus drinks, reserving information as he always does. Patton is upset enough, now's not the time.

"All I've ever wanted was to be good," his voice breaks, and he clears his throat, blinking back hot tears. "Ever since I've existed, I've wanted to be good. What would it mean for Thomas if his morality isn't good?! Maybe you were right, I'm just pointing him towards hell. I'm not doing my job right. How can I be messing up so much? I used to be the one who the others looked at to know everything..." He bites his lip hard, but it doesn't do anything this time. He's crying now, wiping the sleeve of his cat hoodie across his face furiously.

"Who says you have to be good?"

"What?"

Janus sighs, sipping his drink. "'You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.' Mary Oliver. Goodness isn't necessary one hundred and twenty-five percent of the time. You're an animal like any other, and you only need do what makes you happy, just like any other. You're not some divine being above the ability to screw up or be sad."

"You and Thomas's religious sensibilities are very tied together. You're stuck on this idea that as morality, you can only ever have good and pure ideas. You can never make mistakes, and you can never be wrong. Look, sure, we're no humans, but you're a piece of a human, and they're kind of renowned for their mistake making. I've told you before, Patton. If you're making a genuine effort to do better, then your apologies mean enough. You've repented. You didn't even need to, but you do anyway. Because you're good, as much as a side can be. You're so good you make me sick sometimes. I was being a dick when I said you're pointing him towards hell, being a dick is kind of my thing. I don't think you're even capable of knowingly being a bad person."

Patton feels tears pour down his face, staring sightlessly at his bottle as Janus rants. He's drawn blood from his lip. The words are making some deep piece of him ache worse than he has in years. Without thinking, he sets his head on Janus's shoulder. Janus barely blinks, leaning into him as he continues.

"You do make the others happy, Patton. They love you so much it's gross. But they have issues as well. Issues that are getting worse as Thomas's mental health is plummeting. All pieces of Thomas have gripes and qualms right now, I don't understand you all's strange insistence on everything being fine. Want me to lie? Everything is just fine! Why, nothing is eating at any of you, and you're at the peak of your lives!" Janus sighs, eyes closing. "It's okay to experience pain, you know. It doesn't make you bad. Nor does making mistakes. It makes you a living thing, as caught up in your own world and worries as every other living thing. You're doing okay, Patton. You'll never be perfect, but I watch you do everything you can every day. For crying out loud, let that soft animal of 'you' catch a break."

Patton sniffs, letting out a shaking sigh. "Why does hearing all that hurt me?"

"Because you've never heard it before, probably. Has anyone, ever, at all, told you to give yourself a break?"

"I... I guess not, not really. I don't know. I don't feel like I deserve it."

"I say you deserve it. If you won't listen to yourself, listen to me. Listen to a... friend."

Patton nearly physically startles at that word coming from Janus. "Friend?"

"If you make me repeat myself we're never having these visits again, watch it."

"We're friends?" Patton lifts his head, grinning despite his tear streaked face. Janus makes a frustrated noise, his face going red, but he lets Patton hug him nonetheless. Patton laughs, despite it all, holding Janus against his chest. The parts of his heart that were aching feel suddenly wrapped in warmth, like a heating pad on a pained muscle. And as Janus sets aside his drink and properly returns the hug, Patton's heart feels so many things, but mostly, at least for now, it feels at peace.

"Are you going to actually give yourself a rest, or did literally all of that go in one ear and out the other?"

Patton laughs. "Thanks, Janus. Really, thank you. Um. Not going to tell anyone still, right?"

"Of course," Janus places a hand on his heart and holds the other up in a pledge. "We both have trouble verbalizing emotions anyways."

"Can't say I'm surprised! Get it? Can't say?"

"Yes, Patton, I got it," Janus rolls his eyes, but he's smiling. "You know I just hate puns."

"Liar liar!"

[woso-dreamzzz]

Hiya could we get some analysis of Family Line from Bambi's perspective??

Here we go!

My father never talked a lot He just took a walk around the block 'Til all his anger took a hold of him And then he'd hit Metaphorically, Alexia, who very famously didn't talk at all to anyone about her PPD

My mother never cried a lot She took the punches, but she never fought 'Til she said, "I'm leaving, and I'll take the kids" So she did Jenni's Version!Jenni ending up 'taking Bambi' after taking care of her after the neglect. She was really at the end of her patience

I say they're just the ones who gave me life But I truly am my parents' child Bambi trying to draw a line between Alexia and Mami in Jenni's Version. Alexia gets demoted from Mami to just the woman who birthed her but Bambi is still impacted by the way Alexia raised her in those first few years

Scattered 'cross my family line I'm so good at telling lies Bambi lies about her eating disorder in both versions and she's so well practiced at it

That came from my mother's side Told a million to survive Scattered 'cross my family line Bambi's lying and pushing people away when times get tough definitely comes from Alexia

God, I have my father's eyes But my sister's when I cry Bambi doesn't really look much like her family. Sometimes the only thing that links her is she cries the same way Jaume does

I can run, but I can't hide From my family line Bambi can leave the country with Jenni and she can dance in England and France but she can't ever fully escape the trauma that she has

It's hard to put it into words How the holidays will always hurt The 'holidays' being a metaphor for football. It's always a bit of a sore spot in Bambi's life just because when she was younger it was always football or nothing

I watch the fathers with their little girls And wonder what I did to deserve this Seeing Alexia with Jaume and wondering why he got the special treatment even back when he was a baby

How could you hurt a little kid? I can't forget, I can't forgive you 'Cause now I'm scared that everyone I love will leave me Bambi's neglect causes her some pretty severe self worth issues. Her eating disorder and the feelings associated with that can be traced back to her self worth but also how she loves in her relationships and her feelings surrounding them

Scattered 'cross my family line I'm so good at telling lies Bambi's used to saying one thing but actually thinking another

That came from my mother's side Told a million to survive Scattered 'cross my family line Bambi's idea of 'surviving' is very closely associated with being perceived well by others. If she has to be a completely different person with them then she will be

God, I have my father's eyes But my sister's when I cry Bambi kind of wishes she looks more like Alexia than she actually does. She thinks if it were more obvious than she wouldn't have been forgotten so easily I can run, but I can't hide From my family line From my family line Bambi in Alexia's Version sometimes having random regressions and just being filled with rage at how she was treated. It creeps up randomly

Oh, all that I did to try to undo it All of my pain and all your excuses Bambi tried so hard to be perfect and to be noticed by Alexia but it didn't happen until it was too late

I was a kid but I wasn't clueless (Someone who loves you wouldn't do this) Sometimes, when Bambi lies in bed, she wonders if Alexia has ever actually loved her or if she was born simply to be the trial run before Jaume

All of my past, I tried to erase it But now I see, would I even change it? Jenni's Version!Bambi completely changing herself into Bambi Hermoso in an attempt to forget about her own past

Might share a face and share a last name, but (We are not the same) Bambi and Alexia are similar, definitely, but Jenni's Version!Bambi will never admit that

Scattered 'cross my family line I'm so good at telling lies Bambi is a really good liar. She's so used to lying about how she's feeling and what's she doing

That came from my mother's side Told a million to survive Scattered across my family line Bambi starts lying about her feelings super young and it just carries through to adulthood. She knows what people want to hear so she tells them it

God, I have my father's eyes But my sister's when I cry Bambi is always somewhat connected with Alexia one way or another even in Jenni's Version

I can run, but I can't hide From my family line From my family line Her childhood left a big mark on Bambi. From the way she feels about herself to how she forms relationships, it can all be traced back to when she was younger

[sanderssidesthehouse]

omg hi can you do janus? he's my absolute favorite and I see you have thoughts

Janus my beloved.

(size of the circle indicates how much I vibed with it/how confident I was about saying yes)

Ok, ok, I know what you're thinking, "Ace why the fuck would you trust Janus?" Bc I love him, next question. No actually, I have reasons. Number one, he's competent, number two he's a giant dork and I'm annoying enough I'd be able to tell when he's telling the truth.

I feel like "Done dirty by fans" is pretty self explanatory. It used to be a minefield trying to find a fic with Janus in it where he was portrayed in character and not an "unsympathetic" villain.

Also, my dear wife Janus with the long hair is the physically hottest side, I am not taking concrit, you cannot change my mind. (Hey, hi, you walked into trans guy territory, if you can't draw the connection, I can' help you.)

My favorite thing about Janus is that he's a liar about being a liar. Not that he doesn't lie, but calling him 'Deceit' is a lie. Sure, he manages that function, but it doesn't have to be his position, if that makes sense. There are several other things he could be called, most of which don't have a negative connotation. I'm not positive his job is necessarily something else, like how Roman is also passion and the ego, but he's called Creativity, so Janus's main gig could very well be lying, but he could be called something else that denotes the purpose of lying, and considering the other things he's shown to manage, such as trying to get the others to STOP lying (looking mostly at you, Patton), lies don't always serve him and his purpose. Are we picking up what I'm putting down? I'm tired and this paragraph is long.

I wrote a post here about how my boy is tragic. Also here's my post about how much I love unreliable narrators which is supplementary to the previous paragraph. Janus is really primed to be a fav of mine. (Not beating out Logan but he's a close second.)

We don't have to go into why he's just like me fr I think that would be depressing on all counts and uncomfortable for everyone involved. Also we can ignore the "I would let them make me worse" category, he's probably the only side I'll check that off on, psychoanalyze me if you want to.

To finish out, I want to circle back around to Janus being lovable and trying so hard and being a massive dork. He's just a snake boy! He gets so frustrated with everyone being stupid, which, relatable, but he's still trying so hard to help them! He wants good things for Thomas which means helping sort these idiots out. I want to see him doing better. I want to see more of his Shrodinger's union with Patton and his exes energy with Virgil, bc I'm messy and I think it's fun. And can we please get a main line video where he and Remus interact? I need it for sick and evil reasons (kicking my feet while giggling).

As always, anyone and everyone can feel free to tag on with their thoughts!

[nobodyfamousposts]

To be fair, Adrien's 'apology' effectively amounted to Marinette comforting and reassuring HIM that oh, he's just such a *good person* that he couldn't see how bad and nasty and evil Lila was. Claiming that he was just too PURE and simply couldn't comprehend what kind of person he was dealing with. So I question how much it really 'validated Marinette's feelings' versus patting him on the back and coddling him YET AGAIN, with a hefty dose of "It's not HIS FAULT he's so sheltered and trusting!'

You're not wrong.

Sadly, honestly at this point, the bar is so low for Adrien and the writing around him that it seemed impossible that he would ever say the words "I'm sorry" in any truly meaningful way.

So a lot of us are just happy that he at any point acknowledged being wrong at all and apologized for it. That was all we wanted. That was all we've BEEN wanting. So much so that we're willing to give leeway for the sheer fact that he says it.

Unfortunately, this apology comes a good while too late to really matter and it's further invalidated by having the victim reassure him and make him feel better by framing his justification as being too nice.

The thing is, Adrien's words and apology DID validate Marinette. The problem is that the writers can't let Adrien be at fault for anything and of course make it Marinette's job to make him feel better, so they have the victim try to reassure HIM and thus undercut the validation that she deserved and the fandom was long wanting.

...then there are a couple other things to consider here:

For all that they're trying to twist his mistake into a sign of how wonderful he is, the problem is that Adrien's issue here wasn't that he was "too nice" but that he was passive. He actively prioritized the feelings of a liar and manipulator like Lila over the wellbeing of his friends.

This is evident in the other problem in that Adrien is apologizing for what he said to Marinette and NOT the fact that he hadn't acted himself in the matter. This is indicating that he had no problems with Lila lying until it bothered him and it only bothers him NOW because he's in love with Marinette and they're dating.

The OTHER problem is that Adrien is LYING.

Adrien: I shouldn't have told you to wait to act against Lila.

Stop.

Review that.

Do you see the problem here?

Because while I don't know about the French version of this scene or the scene in Chameleon, there's a major discrepancy here in the English version:

He never told Marinette to wait to act.

Adrien: Are you going to tell everyone? Marinette: 'Course I am. Lila is— Adrien: (interrupting) A liar. Yes, I know. But do you really think exposing her will make things better? If you humiliate her, she'll just be hurt more. Making a bad guy suffer has never turned them into a good guy. Lila: Ladybug and I are like two peas in a pod. Marinette: So we just stand by and let her lie? Adrien: As long as you and I both know the truth, does it really matter? Marinette: You're right, maybe it's not such a big deal.

It's been a common argument from Adrien defenders that this is the approach Adrien was taking. So in a way, it makes sense for that to be the angle the writers try to use since the fandom practically handed the excuse to them.

But at NO point in this discussion did Adrien say to take a wait and see approach. At no point does he imply that they would or even should act against Lila at a later time. At no point does he even express a belief that Lila's lies will be revealed. Because at NO point in any of his lines did he express genuine concern for anyone but Lila.

What he DID do was invalidate Marinette's feelings and dismiss her very valid concerns.

And yet his apology wasn't for that.

[mrsfrecklesmarauders]

"So, can I go back to the party, Remus?" James asked "Why do I have to be here? I have a lot of fans who want to be with me, you know?"

Remus smiled. Not because of what James said. But because he was excited about Mary's plan. Couples' cupid, she called herself. Remus hoped he didn't fuck it up.

"I thought you wanted to supervise me while I use your laptop" Remus answered as he pretended to type.

"I thought you were downloading a couple of songs for the party, yeah?" James shrugged "Plus, I trust you, mate. You've used my laptop plenty of times"

"Yeah..." Remus swallowed. Perhaps he was not good at lying.

"I'll leave you to it then..." James was a very impatient and hyperactive person. Plus, this was his party. The Gryffindor victory had been because of him. His first winning game as Captain. He probably wanted to be down there celebrating.

"No!" Remus stopped him. For purposes of the plan, James needed to stay in the dorm "I need to talk to you"

James looked at him "About?"

About what indeed? Remus didn't know what to invent now.

"It's about Sirius"

James took a seat besides Remus. He was immediately concern. Sirius was the only thing they had in common. Sirius had been a mess lately.

"What is it? Is he okay?"

"Yeah... Yeah... He is...."

Sirius wouldn't be happy with this plan, for instance. The idea of someone taking his best friend away? Never. But he couldn't tell that to James.

"Ok, darling. We will be able to chat more calmly here"

Remus was relieved when he heard Mary's voice outside the door. He didn't need to distract James anymore.

"Mary, this is the boys dorm!" Lily exclaimed "What are we doing here?"

Remus saw James raising an eyebrow. He shrugged pretending not to know what was going on.

"Come on, Lily" Mary continued, loudly as she could "I saw you looking at him. Before the match, during the match, after the match, downstairs at the party... You are eating him with your eyes"

James raised to his feet like a spring. Everything that involved Lily Evans interested him. Remus could not let him out or intervene yet. He wanted to stop him but James shushed him. He didn't go out luckily. He just pressed his ear to the door to listen better. Remus joined him, pretending to be innocent.

"Wha...No! Not at all... Not even a little... I don't know what you..." Lily sounded nervous "And be silent, Mary" she whispered "What if he is inside?"

"I'm pretty sure they are all downstairs at the party" Mary answered amused "And come on, Lily. Admit you like Potter a little..."

Remus saw James going bright red. He had to bite his tongue not to smile.

"Noo... Noo...That's just... I don't... " Lily was a terrible liar. Besides, Remus knew she liked him. She had confessed it to him the other day "A lot!" she snapped "Not a little. A lot!"

James had to cover his mouth not to gasp. Though Mary squealed like crazy. Lily was trying to silence her. Remus couldn't avoid smiling.

"You have to tell him how you feel, Lily" Mary exclaimed happily.

"No... No..." Lily probably shook her head "I can't. This is ridiculous. We are friends. We are good friends. I don't want to ruin that... Plus I can't!"

"Lily... Come on..."

"I am awful with those things.... I haven't liked anyone before. I can't"

James was stuck to the door, smiling like a fool. He probably thought he was dreaming. After everything he had done for Lily Evans. Remus was enjoying the view. He raised his eyebrows to tease him. James silenced him with his finger.

"You know how many times that boy had made a fool of himself to ask you out" Mary was saying "To tell you how he feels"

James nodded to confirm it.

"It was a game to him, Mary" Lily sighed. James shook his head this time

"It is so obvious that boy loves you, Lily" Mary giggled with certainty "You know it. The whole bloody school knows it"

Remus didn't see her but he knew Lily was blushing and biting her lip like she did all the time. She was truly adorable.

"James had dared to ask you out again and again even if he knew you would say no. Even if it was humiliating for him to do in front of everyone"

James nodded now agreeing with Mary's words.

"He is an idiot" Lily chuckled.

"Don't you think you have to do the same?"

"Be an idiot?" Lily asked.

"Dare, Lily!" Mary snapped "Dare to tell him how you feel"

There was silence after that. James looked desperate to hear what came next.

"I brought you here so you can get inspired" Mary continued "Pretend you bumped into James outside his dorm. Pretend I am James..." then with a masculine voice she said "Alright, Evans? I'm James Potter. I am awesome" which made Lily giggle. "What would you tell him?"

"I don't know..."

"Come on, Lily!" Mary practically yelled.

"That he is amazing!" Lily spat. Good, she was daring. James listened carefully. "That I can't believe I ever hated him. Because during this time that we've been friends, I got to meet this incredible person. That he is good, nice, incredibly funny..."

Remus could tell James's eyes were getting watery and his glasses foggy.

"That I love when he makes me laugh. I love to talk to him about our Head Boy and Girl duties and using it as an excuse to see him. I love getting pretty in the morning because I am going to see him. I love talking until late at night about our things, our futures. I love when the Gryffindor kids act like we are their parents. I love when they tease us and he calls me gorgeous" James smiled. "That I thought love was easier and more evident. I thought that one day I would meet a prince charming that we would go on dates and fall in love and that would be it, easy. Never in a million years I would have thought I would start feeling things for an idiot like him. That I didn't know it was so bloody confusing to fall for someone. To suddenly miss him when he is not around. To suddenly need to hear him saying good night or I won't sleep well. To suddenly think all the time about him. And think... 'Oh, he would like this' or 'Oh, this nice thing happened to me, I can't wait to tell him'..."

James apparently couldn't take it anymore. He slowly opened the door. Remus could see the girls. Lily was on her back. She hadn't notice James was there. Mary noticed them. She looked happy that her plan was working. James silenced her. Mary let Lily continue.

"I would tell him that I don't want to be his friend anymore. That fuck! I want to tell him to ask me out again. I would say yes this time. That I want him to kiss me because I might kiss him back... And fucking hell I want to run my fingers through that stupid hair of his all the time... How stupid is that?"

Lily ended her speech with a big sigh. She crossed her arms in embarrassement. Then she shook her head.

"But I don't think I can say all those things to him, Mary..."

"You already did, sweetheart" Mary gave her a sweet smile.

"What?" Lily asked.

Mary's eyes traveled from Lily up to James who was behind her. Lily turned around slowly and went pale when she noticed James was right there.

James Potter and Lily Evans stared into each other's eyes. There was an inexplicably force between them. Remus was sure it was love. The kind of love you could only find in romantic novels. A one of a kind.

Mary noticed it as well because both of them smiled in complicity.

"Remus..." Mary said after a long silence "Don't we have to go back to the party?"

"Yeah... I think I already have the perfect songs to play"

They were obviously ignored by James and Lily who were having a secret conversation with their eyes.

Remus felt Mary's hand grabbing his and dragging down the hall towards the stairs. Just when they were climbing down, Lily found her voice again. She started giggling softly. Like a fool. Remus and Mary had to witness the outburst of their plan. So they hid to take a little peek of it all. Lily was red as her hair. James was in a trance. In shock. Pale only with his cheeks bright pink.

"Potter..." Lily began clearing her throat and looking at the floor "Did you... Hear... What I said was..I..."

Lily couldn't explain herself. Because in that moment, James reacted. He grabbed her face between his hands and pulled her in for a kiss. Lily was surprised but she easily gave into it.

Mary had to cover her mouth to hide her gasp. Remus smiled widely and openly.

"I can't believe it, Remus. It worked!" Mary squealed under her breath "We are geniuses!"

Remus hit her palm.

"Cupid Mary strikes again!".

"And Cupid Remus"

"We make a really good team" Mary kissed his cheek. Remus couldn't stop smiling.

The couple only broke apart for a second to smile at each other. Then they were kissing again now more passionately. Lily was running her fingers through James's hair. James pulled her closer by her waist.

They were truly the cutest couple, Remus thought. James and Lily, forever. He could already see them getting married, having kids. That sort of stuff. Remus loved them both. They looked so happy and in love it was contagious. He wished them all the luck in the world.

[hum-suffer]

We'll see each other again (nevermind the chasm between us) 10

Amar has known Gauri since before they were even born. They shared the same blood, the same parents and the same womb. The nursemaids gossiped about their birth to this day, whispering about how close they are, how Bahu didn't stop crying until he was laid next to Gauri, how Gauri didn't breathe until she was next to Bahu.

They share a bond, profound— beyond anyone's understanding. He feels what she feels and knows it even before she has identified her emotions. He knows what she's thinking and he knows how it's all gonna end in her emotions bubbling. Gauri feels a lot and sometimes, she can't contain her emotions. He's there to hold her together when she cracks with all the untamed emotions inside her.

He's on an excursion, with Bhalla and Gauri, their guards trailing behind them at an unassuming distance. They're disguised, Bhalla having somehow convinced Maa to let him go out to see the Diwali market. She's angry, Amar can tell that even without being her twin.

Her jaw is set— as she's learnt from Amar himself. Her hair is pulled by in a style she rarely favours and he knows an amateur would assume that is a reason of her irritation but Amar knows his sister and knows something as trivial as that wouldn't even hold her attention beyond a couple of minutes. She's wearing an orange saree, complete with red highlights that match her alta— and he knows she hates this combination beyond relief, she's complained about the saree before.

(It was a gift from some lord, an attempt to win Maa's favour. Obviously, a failed attempt.)

"What is the matter with you?" Bhalla asks her finally, when Gauri has stayed silent for the whole of the excursion and is now still silent on the way back. He's easy to anger, but Bhalla has always had the tact of his father— he's never understood women.

(He was different when they were younger. Bhalla used to know everything that made Gauri happy and everything that made her furious. Amar feels an ache in his chest at losing that but he knows that Bhalla feels pressure to do the best among them as he's the eldest. He doesn't have time to tolerate tantrums, in uncle Bijjaldev's words, and he has a lot of responsibilities.

And anyways, who is ever guaranteed to be the same this day and the next? Time changes even the nature of mother earth, what is the nature of man in front of that?)

Amar won't claim to understand anyone he's never met, but he knows his sister to her very bones and soul. It's his one consistency and he's proud of it. I will understand her today and I will understand her when we're both old and frail, he thinks with pride and humility in the same amount. Thank you, Mahadev, for giving me a sister.

Gauri sighs loudly in irritation. "I am fine, Bhalla. Nothing is wrong."

Gauri has always been a good liar. To anyone but Amar and Bhalla. Sometimes, even Maa can't read her lies as well as the brothers do.

Bhalla obviously knows she's lying too. "Do not insult me with lies. Remain petulant if you must, but do not lie to me, Gauri."

Amar sees the minute wince Gauri suppresses and he wants to punch Bhalla for being so impatient with her. He reaches for her hand and gives her wrist a squeeze that is hopefully reassuring. She doesn't show any response to it.

"Gauri." He knows she'll listen to him and sometimes it breaks his heart to have such power over her. He wishes she didn't love him so wholly, he thinks of the day she will marry and move away to whatever place her husband would be in and his heart burns. He will never be able to live in a world where he's away from his sister. "Please, talk to us."

She side eyes Bhalla as she speaks,"Uncle Bijjaldev and his dearest friend, the Kulpurohit, want me to not join in on the Diwali's Lakshmi Pujan."

Amar sees the way Bhalla stiffens. "And why not?"

"Because it will be only a couple of days after I finish my periods," she says, uncaring of the narrowed looks she receives as people overhear her talking about periods to boys. "Apparently, I will be too impure."

Bhalla doesn't speak anything else but looks away at the main objective of the issue being her periods. Amar frowns. "That's absolutely ridiculous, there's nothing impure about you. There can never be anything impure about you!"

"Thank you!" She exclaims, "That's what I've been trying to tell them! Maa asked to meet me today to discuss the same thing and she is seriously considering banning me from the puja because she believes the Rajpurohit."

Amar hears Bhalla groan. "I understand why you're angry, Gauri, but seriously, who can go against the Rajpurohit?"

Something akin to dread trickles down his spine and Amar thinks and oh. No. No. No.

He thinks of Gauri, excluded from the puja and confined to her rooms. Gauri, alone, only with Bhairav and some guards to protect her. Gauri, who already has had an assassination attempt on her. Gauri, who could be killed so goddamn easily away from their eyes. Gauri, who could die. Cease to exist. Amar doesn't think he can imagine a world without her. His sister, half of his heart, his twin, dying. He can't think of the possibility, he can't. Gauri can't die. They can't serve his sister to the assassin on a silver platter, no.

Fuck their notion of made up impurity.

Amar will never lose his sister, not at any cost.

"You don't understand anything, Bhalla," she says heatedly,"Your presence in any ritual hasn't been brought to a question because of your bodily functions! And Rajpurohit is making this up, I know it, there's no way periods are impure, they're the reason people are born!"

"The religious texts do say that women should not get involved in activities during their...problem." Bhalla says, sounding so disinterested that Amar knows he's contradicting Gauri only to distract her from her anger and not because he actually believes the bullshit he's spouting.

Gauri's ears turn red in her anger. "I agree periods are inconvenient enough to be a problem, but saying the word won't make you faint, brother! And the religious texts say that because women need rest in their periods. Do you even know how much my legs, back, stomach and head are aching at this moment? Do you know how nauseous I felt after breakfast today? Do you know my whole body is aching right now and I have these irritating breakouts on my face? The texts say women should not perform stressful tasks, not that they mustn't perform any tasks of import. Yagnas and pujas are stressful because we have to sit in the same position for hours, and because women's bodies are more receptive to energies in their periods and hence also soak up any and all kinds of energies, especially in yagnas, which are literally based on positive and negative energy and enforcement."

"Breathe, you annoyance," Bhalla says, sighing heavily and pulling Gauri closer to hug her sideways. "I understand your perspective and I'm sorry for assuming anything otherwise. Now, do you want a piggyback ride as repayment?"

Gauri thinks about it for a moment but Amar knows she's going to say yes. She hesitates a lot in her path to happiness but she loves the beloved treatment she gets, being their only sister.

She nods finally and all three of them stop in sync. Amar instinctually knows Mama, Bhairavrath and Advaita, their guards, are instantly suspicious. Bhalla hunches down and Gauri hands Amar the money pouch she'd been carrying before hopping onto his back. Amar smiles at the two of them, their grins big and eyes filled with merriment as Gauri winds her dhoti clad legs around Bhalla's waist and laughs loudly, in Bhalla's ear.

"I will throw you off," Bhalla threatens her playfully. They all know he'd never hurt either of them.

He looks at Amar,"What's gotten into you now?"

Amar shakes his head, still thinking about his sister, dead in a room they used to share, blood staining her purple bedsheet.

From Bhalla's back, Gauri raises her eyebrows comically and despite not wanting to, Amar snorts. "Let's go before Mama tells us about how inappropriate behaviour this is."

He doesn't have to, Amar can feel all the questioning stares burning onto the three of them already.

Bhalla begins to speedwalk instantly and Amar chuckles. Gauri looks over her shoulder at Amar, who's a couple paces behind them.

'I love you.' He mouths to her.

'I love you more.' She mouths back, grinning.

He doesn't argue, he knows it's true. No one will ever love him like Gauri does. His heart gets heavier, the thought of parting from her in any way will kill him one day.

But he won't let her die, not as long as lives. As long as Amrendra Bahubali lives, so shall Gauraangi Devi.

»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»

He finds Maa on a swing in the west wing of the palace. He knows she favours the spot, for it is silent and peaceful here. The moon looks wonderful and the stars shine so beautifully that he sometimes doesn't move from this very spot for hours.

"Am I allowed to intrude?" He asks playfully.

Maa turns back to him with a smile that brightens her face and beckons him forward. "Bahu, of course, come. Sit beside me, here." She moves to make space for him and slows the swing down to let him sit.

"Gauri was furious today," he says after a long silence. Maa hums. "Do you believe women in their periods are impure?"

Maa shakes her head. "Never, son. Women are part of Shakti, the reason for the universe, they cannot be impure unless it is in regards to their own karma. However, the council isn't made of men as understanding as you and Bhalla."

"But why are Gauri's periods known to them in the first place?" He asks, miffed at the break in the privacy of his sister,"She has her right to privacy and autonomy."

Maa nods regretfully. "That she does. But Gauri has excruciating periods, like your grandmother. She pretty much cannot do anything for at the very least the first two days of her periods. Her absence makes it obvious."

Amar purses his lips. He will find out the names of these over-interested councilmen later and have a talk with them about just what the hierarchy between the princess and the council is.

"You must let her come to the Puja, Maa. You know how much she likes Diwali. It's her favourite time of the year!"

Maa looks down at her lap, clearly saddened too. "And I want to. But people here are too orthodox and I don't want an unnecessary political fight to ensue with my daughter being at the centre of it. She's bright and mature, but I won't expose her to any kind of backlash, if I can help it."

Wonder fills Amar's heart. Here is Maa, thinking of never letting Gauri face backlash even if she is held as a culprit in Gauri's eyes. And there is Gauri, thinking of never letting Maa face backlash, even if she has to risk her life. Women love so deeply, he thinks, for a moment drowning in the sheer love they carry in their hearts.

But he knows what is the bigger necessity and he doesn't care about orthodox people, he cares to not leave his sister's life to fate and chance.

"Tell them, Maa, if they won't let my sister attend the puja, I won't be there either." His heart is beating wildly in his chest but he knows he will hold his ground. He will never compromise Gauri for anything.

Maa's eyes widen and he feels regret for a moment for causing her strife but it is soon replaced by his love for Gauri.

"Bahu, don't be stubborn. You don't know the things she will hear if she comes to the Puja. I cannot throw every person who slanders her in the dungeons, son and I won't have my daughter crying in Diwali."

"And I won't have my sister feeling ostracised in Diwali, Maa. If they don't want the daughter of their previous King, they won't get the son of their previous King. I mean no disrespect to you, Maa, but I will not leave my sister at any cost." Anxiety flutters in his chest.

(He remembers once choosing Maa about Gauri once, when they were being given separate rooms. He remembers Gauri crying and he acutely knows how unloved she must have felt. He's never going to let her feel so again. Even if there wasn't a threat hanging over her, Amar is never going to leave his sister to misery again. Never again.)

Maa sighs and she suddenly looks so tired, Amar wants to curl up beside her and offer her any comfort he can. But he holds his ground.

Maa shakes her head. A smile slowly blooms on her face. "You are your mother's son." She looks down again, before looking up at him,"You must also realise that I would never let my daughter be isolated from her own rights and family in any condition, Bahu."

"So, Gauri is allowed to attend the puja?"

Maa chuckles as if he said something endearingly amusing. "Yes, Bahu."

Realisation dawns on him.

"You deliberately took their side to see what I would respond with!" Maa shrugs, unashamed of her ploy. Amar shakes his head at her and laughs, throwing his arms around her. "Don't scare me like that again! I don't like fighting with you."

"It's a lesson, Bahu," she says, caressing his hair,"Your Maa or the world around you won't always be correct. But stand your ground. Stay with the truth. Do not ever stray from your duty." He nods dutifully.

When he's finally getting up to leave for his room, Amar looks back at Maa. "Don't worry, Maa. You can't throw everyone who slanders her into the dungeons. But I will cut the tongues of any man who badmouths my sister." Even my uncle. Especially Even the Rajpurohit.

Amar has a simple idea of life: Gauri before everything else.

If his uncle can't accept that truth, he will have to learn to live a bitter life.

Maa gives him a smile that he can't decipher beyond pride and he doesn't care to. He wishes her a good night and leaves, wanting to be the first one to tell Gauri the good news.

»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»

An empty home is never fulfilling.

Bhairav has spent the past years trying to live the way his sister would have wanted him to but it's difficult to keep living when all the goodness of his life is dead.

He hates that he locks the door behind him when he leaves, but as soon as he's back on duty to the palace, all the thoughts of melancholy are locked away. He needs to be at his best if he's ever going to be good enough to protect the princess of Mahishamati and wallowing in unresolved grief really isn't the best way to go about doing that.

Yamuna, the guard who takes the night shift to guard the princess' door gives him a curt nod before leaving. He's given up trying to make conversation with the girl, he knows she doesn't like fruitless conversations.

It's almost an hour later that the princess steps out of the room, dressed in a saree as beautiful as the blue sky and her hair tied in a braid, resting on her shoulder, adorned with pearls.

"Bhairav." She greets him with a slight nod and a smile as they begin walking towards the east wing of the palace, where the princess and the princes have their lessons.

(And isn't that new? Who called him with a nickname last time? How many years has it been? He knows exactly how many years, even days, it's been since someone said his name so tenderly and with affection. The soldier that Katappa made him often peels back like a mask and all he can remember is the child who cursed how powerless he truly was.

"You are my protector and sword, thus, I will be your defender and shield. You shall face no stigma under my service. So I've sworn, and may Mahadev strike me dead if I stray from my oath."

The words echo in his ears and he feels the power thrumming through his veins.)

"My princess." He greets her back, forcing himself to be more alert as they pass the silent hallways. He's even more suspicious of people these days, since the day the princess has revealed that she thinks someone tried to assassinate her.

Katappa would have his head if he said it out loud, but Bhairav already has his suspicions on why anyone would want to kill the princess that is so obviously beloved by the general public.

Since swearing to be her sword, Bhairav has accompanied her to all the donations she has done, to all the temple visits (may they be at midnight), to all the blessings she has received from the common people. He has witnessed it all.

He walks behind her, knows she doesn't particularly like it but he also knows his limits. He's a servant, his place is behind his mistress.

She walks with the power of a Queen.

Bhairav can't help but lament the fact that Mahishamati isn't a Queendom. If it were, Gauraangi Devi would be the best thing that would happen for the state. It's a treacherous idea, but he has enough idea of the characters of this generation of royals to know how emotional Prince Bhallaldev is, how trusting Prince Bahubali is and how loving Princess Gauri is. She is the most immune option of them all.

»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»»

Most days, Bhairav can't even fathom the trust his princess shows in him.

They're sitting in a room, him, and the royal twins. Bahubali is undoubtedly displeased by his presence but has accepted it because he knows Bhairav will slit his own throat rather than betray his princess.

"I knew I'd heard of this Satyaveer somewhere," Bahubali said. "He served as a chamber servant to Uncle Bijjaldev, he was the one who was instructed to make my current room liveable when we first separated from the original room."

It's a controversial topic, as far as Bhairav is aware. Everyone knows the storm the princess kicked up when she felt that her bond with her brother was threatened. People often laugh about it, calling it a little girl's tantrum.

(But Bhairav knows how much he craves for such vehement demands. Because no one loves him enough to fight for him. No one knows him enough. No one wants him enough. Anyone who did is dead. Maa, Jijaji, Didi—

Dead.)

(How he wishes someone loved him. Loved him enough to fight for him. Demand for him.)

"If I may, your highness," he says, pulling himself out of his thoughts,"I followed Satyaveer on the days that my princess was ill. He seems to have an affinity for secret passages."

The Princess looks at him sharply. "Which secret passages, exactly, Bhairav?"

"The one beside the statue of Indra dev on the second floor of the west wing, my princess." He's noted down everything about this. He can't even think of failing his princess, she deserves the best to protect her and guard her and Bhairav will not break her trust by letting some cowardly bitch kill her.

The twins share a look. There's a set to the princess' jaw that foretells horror.

"That passage leads to the floor that has a royal suite, used by Uncle Bijjaldev and Maa and the room reserved for the Kulpurohit." Bahubali says. Bhairav narrows his eyes. Rajmata Shivagami Devi would never want the princess dead, that's beyond ridiculous. The woman loves the twins like her own children, she would never let anyone else harm them, let alone plan their assassination.

Oh.

The Princess sucks in a breath. Bahubali shakes his head,"That's ridiculous! Neither Maa nor Uncle would want you dead. The Kulpurohit..?"

The Princess purses her lips. "Uncle wants Bhalla to be the next King. The Kulpurohit has hated me since I first demanded an apology from him for not letting me enter the study rooms on my periods."

"Leave, Bhairavrath." Bahubali says. Bhairav looks at the princess for a moment and she nods at him.

He leaves the room immediately. It's treacherous to think so, but Bhairav thinks his suspicions are only proving correct.

Bijjaldev wanted to be the King but wasn't made one. He wants his blood on the throne. The Princess may not be a contender for the throne but she is the sole power of Bahubali. Without her, Bahubali won't have the same power. He will be loved and liked and adored, he will be courageous and daring and strong, but the power behind the throne won't be wholly his. He wouldn't be able to wield it to his full potential without her.

Hell, from what Bhairav has seen, without the princess, Bahubali would probably give up materialistic things in life. They're both too entangled in their bond to ever survive the death of the other.

Kill one, and the other will instantly be dead.

He keeps his thoughts to himself. Heads have rolled for less.

____________________________________________________

What do we think?????

Tagging: @vijayasena @alhad-si-simran @o-merebholebalam

[alicepao13]

Hudson and Rex S04E01 - Sid and Nancy PART B

Charlie: *looks to Rex for confirmation that they should stay in the shack* Rex: *is busy ripping the mannequin to shreds*

Hi, I'd like to report a theft by two (not very juvenile) delinquents.

Oh, and their vandalizing dog.

The teasing.

And there was only one... cot. That hardly qualifies as a bed.

And here is where we learn that Sarah turned down the offer from London and chose to stay with the SJPD. And she also requested to have some more time on the field, to my understanding.

Well, that's true but it's definitely not what you mean.

"I'm gonna bite you both."

Sarah: "I can tell you, I do not miss my desk." I don't miss your desk either.

"Yeah, it's good to see you out of the lab more often." You know, Charlie, there are other ways where you could get to see her more often...

Good job, you dork, you put her to sleep.

Rex: "Stay the fuck down, Charlie. I'll get you two together one way or another."

No, but... where was he going to go anyway? There was literally the cot and not much else.

Hehehehehehehehehehehehe (sorry, I am a child)

Charlie.exe has stopped working again.

"This. Sarah. On my shoulder."

His little smile! He's got everything he needs right there. Charlie, you fool, just because she fell asleep doesn't mean you can't try again tomorrow! Like, I'm glad for this season's angst because we barely had any, but at the same time I'm sad that he put himself through all this just because he wouldn't open his mouth.

Also, the lighting is atrocious but they're supposed to be sleeping, there's not much to be done about it.

Cozy.

"Uh-oh. Is my hand on his... Okay, no, it isn't. We can still pretend." If anyone tells me they didn't think about it, you're a lying liar.

Awkward. Also, this ship has had two bed scenes, neither of which was on their own bed.

The way Sarah says, "I was out cold" is definitely like she's trying to excuse the fact that she woke up practically on top of Charlie. Guys, one of you must have moved the pillow on Charlie's lap somehow. Or will you blame this on Rex as well?

What I'm thinking is that at some point Sarah moved in a way where her head fell on Charlie's lap and Charlie had to put the pillow there. Because, male anatomy.

I'll smack you two.

"Hey, lovebirds, we're here about two murders?"

"You never stop working, pal." Unfortunately.

Can you, though? I'm sorry, what is the reasoning behind leaving Jesse to go with a local cop and confront a guy that they think might have killed two people?

He definitely wanted to take a break himself lol. Getting old, Hudson.

"But you think a guy and his dog can handle [Sid and Nancy]?" Rex can handle anything.

Are the both of you deaf? How did she sneak up behind you?

Jesse the trouble magnet strikes again.

Charlie: "We should probably pay for that rye." You can't even steal half a bottle of rye in this day and age.

Well, the takedown was done by Charlie, so that's new.

Yes, you're a strong, macho man.

Yes, you are.

This is another Saint Pierre? Havre means port, I think.

Rex and Charlie are pretty much communicating via telepathy by now. I'm not really making fun of it, they do have a deep bond and pretty much know what each one is thinking.

Is this within the duties of an officer of the law?

That was a very good premiere. Probably my favorite in the show, up there with the S3 premiere. And you could already tell that there were changes on the show and someone was shaking things up, even without the information about the change in showrunner. Also, notice how the episode doesn't end with one of the show's favorite cheesy scenes.

Someone could assume that I liked Peter Mitchell's seasons more because he gave us Charah. No. I liked them more because there seemed to be a point in them, and mostly S4 (S5 too in some regard but I see it more in 4). The writing was improved in the majority of episodes, there was more care in what goes in the scenes, and he tried to steer the show a bit from the standalone episodic style where each episode carried nothing to the next one.

[true-blue-sonic]

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening!!

Espilver + 39 for the Ask Game

39. …because time’s run out.

Eggman Nega's wicked grin tells Silver they're out of time a second before the man opens his mouth.

"I've already acquired more than enough Chao to feed to the Ifrit," Nega sneers, giving his moustache a smug twirl. It's how Silver's stomach feels, twisting itself right into knots at those words. It can't be; he and Espio got so many, from all over the island! They had to be ahead in the race here!

"You're lying," he growls back, teeth bared... and yet his adversary's smirk deepens.

"Am I, dear Silver? I've been on this island for just as long as you have. My robots have collected Chao by the hundreds, and I've got them all sealed away in a hidden room inside that mansion. When the Ifrit is unleashed, it will be invincible in seconds!"

Opening his mouth to spit out a retort Silver tenses a fist, erratic psychokinesis flaring to life around him-

But a gentle hand on his shoulder gives him pause.

"As if that will ever happen," Espio coldly speaks up, golden eyes burning away into Eggman Nega. "Do you truly think you'll even have the time to feed the Chao to the Ifrit before Silver and I defeat it? Someone like you could never manage such a feat, if you can unleash the Ifrit in the first place."

A more irked snarl gets sent their way at that. "Bah," Eggman Nega huffs at them. "You will remember those words when the world has been burned to ashes around you, boy. Hee hee hee… See you around!"

"No!" Silver gasps; but he's long learned to not rush right up to the Egg Mobile Nega rides lest he get blown right out of the sky, and there's nothing around he can throw at the madman. Manic cackles fill the gloomy forest, Espio snarling and tensing as Silver whirls around to stare at him. "We've come so far, but-!"

But it hasn't been enough.

And they hadn't been fast enough.

And of course Silver hasn't been capable enough, clever enough, quick enough, brave enough-!

Eggman Nega wheezes with laughter as if he knows the maelstrom of thoughts coursing through Silver from quills to toes, and then his Egg Mobile blasts off and leaves him and Espio standing.

"Rats," the chameleon hisses, tail lashing as he takes to a frantic pacing. "Ah- A secret room in this mansion. I do not think he was lying about that. If we split up, we have the best chance of finding it. Plus, if the Ifrit is released, one of us can stall it until the other returns to help defeat it..."

Silver doesn't listen. He can't; Eggman Nega is right. His attempts have been futile, and the world is doomed because of it, and Espio's belief that they can just find a room that Nega has hidden away is based on nothing-!

"Silver," Espio's voice breaks through his thoughts, gently. Jumping up from his thinking Silver stares as the other leans closer, a hand grasping at his and pulling it close. It makes electricity spark on the cyan marks there. "Do not listen to him, Silver. He is not worth it."

"He was right," the hedgehog whispers back, though his hand trembles at how Espio shakes his head.

"That man is a fraud and a liar. Do you truly think he was able to hide the Chao away just like that? I'm a detective, I can find them. And you are the bravest, boldest person I have met. If anyone can retrieve them in time and defeat the Ifrit should the need arise, it is the both of us."

A lump has long formed in Silver's throat, that he can't swallow away at all. "Do you really think...?"

"I don't think so, I know so," the response comes, as does Espio's other hand rising up. It strokes Silver's cheek, ever so gently, the hedgehog shuffling closer as if the touches are the only thing keeping him afloat; which they honestly are, in this moment. His head sinks into the crook of Espio's neck as if it's made to fit there just perfectly, and his shaky breath isn't as feeble as it could be with how he's held up. "Silver, we cannot give up. Let's go and find that secret room," the chameleon adds, his hand tightening around Silver's only more.

"Yeah... Yes. We must," Silver nods back, drawing a deep breath to ground himself and steady his resolve once more. For the future and the past alike, he cannot give up just yet.

But he can stand there for just a few seconds longer until Espio has pressed the lightest of kisses against his brow, the hedgehog mumbling something he cannot make out himself either into his shoulder. "We'll make it. I promise, we're not out of time just yet," the chameleon tells him, his hands giving Silver's a final squeeze before pulling away in full.

"Okay," the hedgehog nods, squaring his shoulders and tensing his quills; and then he's spun around on his heels and blasts off into the direction of the mansion, Espio's footsteps retreating behind him as the chameleon rushes to another entrance.

But the horror inside Silver has decreased at least somewhat with each residual tingle on his brow, a reminder of tender lips pressing against it and giving him the confidence he needs to make things right once and for all.

And if Espio says they'll make it, Silver can only believe him.

[atomic--peach]

Her Grace's Handmaiden Pt.12

(Cersei Lannister x Fem Reader x Sandor Clegane. TW: Mentions of Pregnancy and Pregnancy Loss/Termination. SMUT Touch Starved Sandor)

AO3 VERSION: https://archiveofourown.org/works/48276340

It seemed nothing short of a miracle that you had gone three days in the Red Keep without being recognized as a former handmaiden.

The Queen had fabricated a story out of thin air and instructed everyone who knew of your origins to stick to the story on pain of death.

Instead of a handmaiden born in Kings Landing's own Flea Bottom, you were the base born bastard daughter of a hedge knight who had met with the party on the way North.

The Hound, taking pity on you and your poor circumstances and entranced by your beauty, married you in Winterfell.

It wasn't a good story, if only because it begged belief that Sandor Clegane would show pity to anyone, let alone the nameless bastard of a hedge knight.

But that was the official line of the crown.

To any who asked, the handmaiden once favored by Queen Cersei was abandoned on the way to Winterfell without a penny to her name.

The ladies of the court, as predicted by everyone, did not take well to you.

Your manners were honed enough to pass for a lady, but just barely. The thing that seemed to give you way the most was your happiness. Happy to see The Hound when he walked into the room, most often tailing the prince. Happy to see the Stark girls, though Arya kept you at arm's length and Sansa never gave you a second thought outside of a polite acknowledgment.

But still, if anyone knew who you had been, they didn't say it.

All except one person. A person who made your skin crawl with unwelcome memories.

"Lord Varys" You nodded cordially.

"Ah, The Lady Clegane." the Eunuch smiled knowingly. "Taking in the air?"

"Thought I would visit the gardens; I hear they are wonderous."

"I'll walk with you."

Fuck

The two of you walked in silence, the sand on the garden path's crunching under your feet as you walked. Perhaps if you just kept your mouth shut he would leave.

"How are you these days?" He inquired.

"Well enough, settling in." You answered plainly, offering no details.

"And your husband?"

"Well,"

Varys eyed you with a sense of fond familiarity.

"It is good to see you again."

"I don't know what you mean, My Lord." you sped up your walk, "We have never met."

"Not in this life." Vary acknowledged, "In truth I imagine it's been quite a long time since I've really known you."

You turned to face him; he'd said too much.

"Not to worry" he gave a soothing smile, "no one is listening to us, I've made sure of that."

"Leave me alone" you whispered pleadingly, "please, don't ruin this for me."

"How much does he know?" Varys pressed, glad to have broken through your shell to prod at your the tender soft bits "And the queen?"

"He knows I came from Flea Bottom." you admitted, "as for her, if she knows anything she hasn't said. But she hasn't asked so I haven't told."

"Would you tell the truth if she did ask?"

"Of course."

Varys gave a look that said he knew you were lying.

"You never were a good liar, my dear. You never picked up the skill the way your brothers and sisters did."

"Well," you sighed, "There was always someone there to lie for me."

Varys approached you slowly, cupping your cheek in one hand. You did not flinch away from this familiar touch that was once such a comfort to you.

"You've really grown into a beautiful woman, you know." Varys looked almost sad, "I feared for you out in these streets. The world is not kind to pretty beggar girls who can't lie. Of all the places I could have found you, I am glad it was here."

You touched the hand softly and nodded, "I'm taking your advice. Trying to build a better life for myself."

You hand moved to your belly softly, "And those I love."

Varys glanced down and nodded, "You have settled yourself then."

"Trying."

"Do you remember what the maester said when you were 16? After you took that tea and got yourself sick?" Varys reminded you, "Don't set yourself up for failure, my girl. You're too smart for that."

"He never said I couldn't" You snapped, "He just said it would be difficult. He never said impossible."

"And that any children you had would be born sickly, possibly even stillborn. It would be cruel to allow your husband to continue expecting something that may never happen."

You said nothing, only glowering at him until he sighed in defeat.

"I must be off, there's another meeting about planning this blasted tourney. But Darling," he turned to go but glanced back over his shoulder, "He will find out, one way or another. It would be better if it came from you."

Knowing Varys was still on your side made you feel more at ease. When you were a young girl, he frightened you, but when he traded food and a safe place to sleep for information the offer was too good to refuse.

It was he who set you up as a kitchen wench in the keep when you were barely more than a child. Arys was still king then, and he frightened you even more than Varys.

Varys had always been good to you though. You weren't as skilled in collecting information like the other street children were, but he fed and sheltered you all the same, even if the information you brought wasn't always what he was looking for.

You were so young then, as you grew older Varys stopped using you to spy, but that was okay, because you could take care of yourself at that point.

You never wanted to tell Sandor this. Not because you were ashamed but because you wanted to put it behind you. You had a new life now.

----------------------------------------

Varys's words stayed with you well after you left the garden.

What did it matter if Sandor knew or not?

Would he have refused to marry you if he knew? Not likely, even if Robert had allowed him to decline.

As far as you were concerned, you still have the same odds of being barren as any other lady in court. It's not like you were the only woman in King's Landing to end an pregnancy.

But when highborn ladies got themselves in trouble, they took Moon Tea. It was safer, more likely to work, and had less risk of danger.

But you, you took Tansy Tea. And if your memory served you right, improperly made Tansy Tea.

It got the job done, but you still recalled those days that bled into nights, your entire body shaking and sweating on a worn mattress in the bowels of some half-abandoned sept with a half blind septon praying over you while maesters did everything they could to keep you living.

Varys had gotten you the job in the Keep's kitchens shortly after that.

No, you decided, you had a right to put your past behind you. If you got pregnant and carried to term, great. If not, it's not like Robert would grant you an annulment anyway.

Not that you thought Sandor would ask for one.

------------------------------

You had missed Southern summer nights.

Even if there was talk of autumn rolling it, you tried to ignore it. You prayed for a summer that never ends.

"Come away from there."

You turned to find your husband had returned from his rounds.

"There you are" you approached him grinning. "I missed you today."

Sandor didn't respond, moving to close the large window he found you standing in. "You'll catch a cold."

"Will not."

"Will so."

Sandor sighed, too tired to indulge your playful squabbles. His face was slack was exhaustion and his eyes trimmed with darkness.

You frowned, "Come here"

He obeyed slowly, leaning into your touch when you cupped either side of of face and kissed him.

"What trouble have you caused today?" He mumbled, wanting to at least try to engage in a conversation.

"None" you insisted. "But I met Lord Varys in the gardens today."

"The spider" Sandor grumbled. "Best to avoid that one."

"Oh I know. He and I were previously acquainted."

"Really?" Sandor pulled back at that and you frowned

"I did have a life before you," you reminded him. "Just like you had one before me."

Sandor seemed dissatisfied with this but pushed past it. Grabbing your wrist, he pulled you toward the bed.

You knew exactly what he wanted, straddling his hips and pulling the sleeves of your white shift down to expose the soft skin of your shoulders, neck and chest.

You had become accustomed to the feeling of his beard on your skin, entwining your fingers around his neck and head as he nestled his face again your chest.

"Hard day, darling?" You asked, knowing he would only grunt in response.

He wasn't a chatty man, and after your return to King's Landing you learned to appreciate that.

Everyone who met you wanted to talk, because of your novelty and newness.

Sandor just wanted to hold and be held, not even actually fuck. Not that it didn't usually lead to fucking.

"My poor old bear" you kissed the top of his head. "Shall I take point tonight?"

He nodded and you began to unbuckle and untie the fastenings of his clothes before slipping your shift over your head.

Once you were both bare you pulled him off the bed to turn it down properly.

"Come to bed, my love" you coaxed him, pressing your body against his. His response was a low rumble deep in his chest, pressing back against you with more strength than needed. You laughed, not allowing him to bowl you over and instead guiding him back against the pillows with light touches and kisses.

"My sweet husband." You purred, palming his cock and stroking it with a slow but firm rhythm. "So good to me."

Straddling him again, you pulled his chest flush with yours and sprinkled kisses on his face and broad shoulders. His mouth found the tops of your breasts, placing open mouth kisses over them and fondling the rest with rough, calloused hands.

Allowing him to distract himself with your chest, you carefully settled yourself over his cock and slipped the tip in.

Sandor groaned, face buried into your flesh as you sunk down into him painfully slow.

"There" You cooed, twisting his hair in your hands, "doesn't that feel so much better?"

After over a month of marriage, you had mastered the art of taking Sandor's impressive cock without pain. But all the same you couldn't hold back your whimpering moans as he stretched you.

"Fuck" you breathed, "you feel so good."

Encouraged, Sandor rooted around before slipping your nipple into his mouth. You purred loudly, know he loved to draw reactions from you.

The bed began to creak and whine with the motion of your bodies. The rise and fall of your ass as you bounced on his cock, slowly at first, but picking up speed and force when your husband indicated he needed more.

No words passed his lips. Not teasing or taunting to make you blush. Only moans and pants that you encouraged him to left flow freely.

"Y/N" he growled, bucking his hips slightly trying to keep up with you.

"Yes, sweetling?" You hung on his shoulders, using them as leverage to rock back and forth on him. Each movement brushed your clit against his pelvis and sent a shiver up your spine.

"I love you" he grabbed at your soft arms, holding them in place around his neck as he pressed his brow to yours. "Gods, Fuck- I love you so much."

You were breathless.

He hadn't actually said it before. You could hardly think straight, trying to keep your rhythm as your arms tightened around him.

"I love you, so much." You panted. "So much. Oh Gods Darling, hold me. Hold me please, I'm so close."

Nothing made you feel safer or more secure than when he tightened his large arms around your body, practically engulfing you, while you road out your orgasm on his cock. Feeling every jerk and spasm of your muscles as he continued to pump into you.

Your sensitive cunt clenched with each thrust, trying to catch up as Sandor gripped your hips and took control of them, forcing you to alternate rolling and bouncing on him.

Now it was your turn to become lost in the sensations of his flesh on yours. Keeping himself buried in you, he flipped you on your back and continued where you left off.

"Fuck, I-" you couldn't get a thought out. You knew after one climax you would last long before they came in droves. "Sandor, fuck."

"Sweet Wife" he echoed your words to him, kissing your neck and shoulders as he fucked you into the mattress. "So good to me. Let me be good to you."

You nodded encouragingly.

"You want to cum again for me, sweet girl."

"Yes" you breathed, gasping as his fingers found your clit.

"You want me to finish inside you again?"

"Please" you begged. "Please, please, please."

"Hmmmm" you felt his growl in the deepest part of your chest. "You beg so well. You know I couldn't deny you anything."

Your back began to arch as your hips raised to meet his hand, chasing your high with abandon as Sandor's mouth found the sensitive spot on your neck.

Your second orgasm came like a rolling tide, flooding your body and mind over and over again. Sandor growled as your cunt turned tight then relaxed, coating him in your sweet juices.

His release was also close at hand, and with a few more deep thrusts he nearly collapsed on top of you. Catching himself on his forearms, he peppered your face with hair with kisses before pulling out.

"Sweet love." You breathed. "Gods that was good."

"I needed that"

"I could tell" you nodded, crawling back to the pillows and curling up to him from behind. "Want to talk about why?"

"Fuck" Sandor rolled his eyes, "Fucking Gregor is staying for the Hand's Tourney. The whole week of it, the cunt."

"What, why?" You frowned. Gregor was the current head of House Clegane and he didn't have a legal heir. If he were to fall, he knew everything would fall to Sandor.

"Because he's a spiteful idiot,"

"Well," you thought, "You're not in the lists, right?"

"No, someone has to keep Joff alive."

"Well, then fuck him." You kissed the back of his shoulder. "If he wants to risk his life in some stupid tourney, let him. As long as I don't have to worry about you."

"He's doing this to fuck with me" Sandor grumbled. "I know it."

"Darling" You rolled him over to look him in the face. "I dont think he's smart enough to fuck with anyone. If anything, he probably just wants to bash someone skull in."

Sandor didn't answer, but allowed you to kiss his brow before snuffing out the lights.

[runningfrom2am]

the sea around us; chapter five

TW: emetophobia, vomiting

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

I excused myself from everyone as they were talking about what to do now that JJ has blown our chances at "laying low", deciding to walk home. I grabbed my cooler backpack with my twelve-pack in it, which I didn't even end up touching, and trudged down the road.  JJ didn't plan on shooting anyone, I know that about him. He would never. The fact that he would hold a loaded gun to my brother's head though, did catch me off guard. I felt sick, oh god, I have about fifteen seconds before I start hurling my guts out on the side of the road- I don't know if it is the copious amounts of alcohol I consumed or the image of my brother with a gun to his head that's making me this nauseous.

I stop and lean away from the road as I start throwing up, holding my hair back with one hand, and resting the other on my knee. After a couple of minutes, I see headlights coming towards me. Awesome. I wipe off my mouth on my arm and stand up, I think I'm done puking my guts out now anyways. I keep walking, reaching into my bag and cracking another drink, hoping to rinse out my mouth and then finish it to keep myself from fully settling into sobriety and realizing the weight of the situation. Of course, I understand how serious what just happened was, but I can tell it hasn't really hit me yet.

The car rolls to a stop next to me as I'm spitting out the swig of Twisted Tea I used to wash the taste of vomit out of my mouth, and I look up as I hear a familiar voice.

"Hey, Snowy, you alright?" Topper. Sarah is in the passenger seat with him, arms crossed, looking straight at the road ahead of her.

"Hi Topper," I say, giving an awkward wave. "You didn't happen to see me hurling my guts out just now, did you?" I try and joke, knowing that of course, they saw.

"Uh, maybe just the tail end. Would you like a ride?" Sarah sighs and leans her head back against the seat as he says this. I've never had a real problem with Sarah personally, but I can understand why she'd be pissed at me now.

"I should be fine, only about five k's to the chateau," I say, a ride would be sweet, but I don't want to intrude, especially after the fight we just had with them.

"I don't know what a 'k' is, but I know where you live and at this rate, you'll get there around six am, Snowy. Hop in. Please." Topper pleads. Despite what happened, he cares for me. I haven't spent heaps of time with him, but he's Kegs' best friend, and he knows how much I mean to him.

I nod a little and get in the back, sliding across the seat so I'm behind Sarah. "Where's Kegs?" I ask quietly once we start moving. "I thought he was with you."

"He went to Erin's," Topper replied, looking at me in the rearview mirror. I take another sip of my drink and nod. Of course he's at Erin's.

"Hey, uh, Sarah?" I say quietly, trying to get her attention. She just hums in response, letting me know she's listening. "I... I'm really sorry I called you a liar. I'm not going to use the excuse that I was drunk, but I am wasted so..." I trail off, I need to get back on the point. "I don't think you were lying. From your distance, I'm sure that's exactly what it looked like. If I didn't panic, it would have been about four seconds before you would have been right, anyways..."

"It's fine," Sarah replied flatly. "I was looking out for you, Kegs just wants you to be safe. And happy." Of course, she knew he would react that way, but why wouldn't I be safe with JJ?

"Why wouldn't I be safe with JJ, I'm with him all the time."

"He just thinks you'd be better off if you hung out with us more. A less risky lifestyle than with the pogues." She explains and I nod softly, even though she can't see me. Classic Kegs, always thinks he knows what's best, and that popularity is the most important thing.

"We literally are pogues. We factually live on the cut, we have one bathroom for six people, for fucks sake. He's just good at golf and went to private school back home, and is likable. I never had that. I'll never be him.." I reply, but I am truly thankful that she cares. Sarah turns to face me, and she has a genuinely sympathetic look on her face.

"I do think you're pretty cool, Snowy. You're welcome to hang out with me and my friends sometime, I can't imagine Top and Rafe are really your scene." Sarah smiles at me and I return it with a slight nod. I doubt I'll take her up on it, there's no way I would fit in with her and her friends, but it was still nice of her to offer.

"Hey, can I interest you in a nice, almost room temp Twisted Tea?" I ask, changing the subject as I hold my bag up to her if she wants to take one. Sarah laughs as she grabs one.

"Thanks, Snowy."

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

When I get home, I hardly get the door shut before my mom starts shouting at me. "Juliette, are you kidding me right now? Keegan just called me and said your friend tried to kill him!"

I sigh and set my bag down, kicking off my sand-filled shoes. "Yeah, he left a key part out of that story." I try and explain, but apparently, she's not having it.

"It doesn't matter, Juliette." He could have been killed tonight and you don't care?"

"Of course, I care, Mom. I- He was literally drowning John B! His head was under the water for so long that he passed out, and Kegs just held him there!" I mean, John B didn't technically actually drown, but that definitely would have happened if JJ didn't step in. "He wasn't listening to me! He wouldn't stop! JJ had to do something."

"He didn't have to try and kill him. I cannot believe you are defending the kid who tried to kill your brother! What is wrong with you?"

Clearly, this isn't going anywhere, so grab my bag as I walk past her to go to my room as she grabs a glass off the counter and throws it at me, just missing as it smashes against the wall. I lock myself in the room that I share with the twins and sigh. I turn around to see them both staring at me from their bunk bed that is on the far wall. They look terrified, tears have stained Deck's cheeks, and Anna just looks shocked. We can still hear our parents talking outside, having a heated discussion about what they're going to do.

"You two should be asleep," I say, walking into our closet to get changed into some pajamas.

"We heard Mom yelling," Deck says quietly as I remove my shirt and bathing suit, facing away from them.

"Did JJ really try to kill Keegs?" Anna asks me and I shake my head.

"He wasn't going to hurt him. He just needed to get his attention." I explain, pulling a new shirt over my head and closing the door so they don't see me change my bottoms.

I come out once I get changed and go sit on the bottom bunk with Deck as he clings on to me, and I hug him back. "Snowy, that was scary."

"I know," I whisper, giving him a kiss on the top of his head.

"Can you sleep here with me?" He asks and I nod, laying down and pulling Deck down with me gently.

"So, was Pope there?" Anna asks me from the top bunk, leaning over the side so I can see just see her face in the dark, as he hair dangles down below her.

"Yes, Pope was there, Anna. Now get back to sleep." I chuckle, holding my little brother as she lays back down and keeps asking me questions about him. "Goodnight, Anna," I say in response, so she knows I won't be answering her anymore.

*:･ﾟ✧*:･

A/N;

Just a short chapter this time, but it felt like the right place to stop.

Business as usual, please let me know what you're thinking! I hardly have any readers so now is a great time to get your suggestions in since I am super active in writing this and I'm more than willing to incorporate different ideas :) Shoot me a message or leave a comment!

Also, I left a little poll so please share your thoughts!

Thanks for reading!

-R