#I am SUPPOSED to be working I have a meeting in like 25 minutes I haven't even written my notes for hdhjfasghkd

[aggressive-almond-cookie]

hhhhhh I just got 10 splats in a game and that’s definitely a personal record but 3/4 of them were from ultra stamp and I don’t know how to feel about this. I have such a love/hate/??? relationship with this special. I feel like I can only barely control it and can rarely hit specific targets with it so I’ve learned not to rely on it for anything other than inking and being a huge distraction but every so often it just mows down the whole enemy team. apparently sometimes twice.

[averagemizukikinnie]

"I'm sorry I deceived you, I'm sorry I couldn't tell you."

TW: HUGE warning for SH (it’s what the fic evolves about pretty much) , ED implication, cursing

a/n: it’s my first time in writing for a pair, i apologize for any grammar or spelling mistakes in advance since english isn’t my first language!! there are also more notes at the end. this fanfic can also be interpreted as platonic

“23, 24, 25…”

. . .

The bigger the number got, the more aggressive Mizuki became, and the deeper the slashes cut. They don’t remember how their abdomen looked when it was clear, all they can see now is red and brown lines over it, some are even white.

“Ahahaha… I’m really filthy and disgusting, aren’t I? I ate more than I’m supposed to when I was at the diner with Ena, Mafuyu, and Kanade. I made a promise to tell Ena the truth of what I’ve been keeping inside long ago, yet I still avoid the topic whenever it’s brought up being the coward I am. I’m surprised they didn’t leave just like everyone did…” . While they were indulging themself in their self-deprecating self-talk, they went in deeper than intended. It wasn’t really a problem anyways, their parents were out of the city for work, their sister lives overseas, no one could stop them from getting so engrossed in their own mind.

. . .

1 hour later

*doorbell rings*

“Mom and Dad aren’t supposed to be back until next Tuesday, who could it be?”. They panicked for a split second when they remembered they were supposed to have a sleepover with Ena tonight. “Good thing I finished cleaning up just a moment ago” they mumbled to themselves right before they put up their usual grin, when had they gotten so good at switching their expression? That is a question that they’re unsure of what a right answer for it could be. They felt the burning sensation of the clothes brushing against their stomach —but thankfully for them—, they were already used to it, so hiding it was a piece of cake, they already hide so much anyways.

“Yaho!~ Woah you arrived just 3 minutes late, that’s a new record!! Did poor lil’ bro have to shake the entire room to wake you up?”

“I knew this would happen.”

Ena muttered under her breath. “Can’t you just say a normal greeting for once whenever we both meet up alone?”

“Waaaaaahhh!! You’re so mean!~”

Mizuki fake-cried as they dramatically had the back of their hand on their forehead.

“Yeah yeah whatever. Anyways, can we just actually get inside?”

They finally settled in Mizuki’s room. Ena felt so fascinated by the aesthetic of the room, it felt so… Mizuki. She could tell they poured their heart in making it to their liking. It might not be obvious from first glance for others, but for Ena it is.

As Ena’s eyes were hovering around, she noticed the torso near the mirror with an unfinished project on it that seemed like it collected some dust, she found it a little strange since she had this idea Mizuki is the type of person to get absorbed into whatever project they’re working on if it’s related to their passions. Ena recalled some of Mizuki’s rambles about clothes making on Nightcord, she secretly adored these rambles even if she knew nothing about that side of fashion herself; because she can hear Mizuki being so passionate and full of joy. If she ever admits it out loud she will never hear the end of it thanks to Mizuki’s teasing.

“Oi~ Earth to Ena— Does the princess need to sleep already?~”

“Huh?! First of all, why the hell are you calling me that?? Second of all, is zoning out for just a single moment a sign of sleep deprivation now?? Ugh this is going to be a really long night.” Mizuki couldn’t help but burst out laughing at Ena’s reaction, her reactions are one of the reasons they tease her more than other people.

. . .

Later on, they both decided they will play on Mizuki’s gaming console. It was kept up in Mizuki’s closet, they haven’t used it for some while. They bought it back in those times as a way to distract themselves even further from reality. It was so up high, Mizuki was wondering how on Earth they got it there before.

“Ah! I’m finally getting a grasp of it!” , just when they said that, they lost balance and fell on their back.

Ena immediately rushed to Mizuki to check if they’re fine, and help them get up if needed.

“Are you alright?? Did you get hurt? Do you need help getting up?”

“It’s ok I didn’t get hurt! I’m totally fi-“

Right when they started to get up, one of the console’s controllers fell on their abdomen, right where the fresh, deep, red scars are.

“Again?? Seriously what’s up with its location? Anyways are you ok? Again did you get hu-“

As Ena was saying that, she saw a dark red spot forming on Mizuki’s white shirt. Her face turned white when she realized what it was, it was blood.

“Mizuki, can you let me open the shirt to see the wound and clean it? Please? It would be terrible if it gets infected…”

“… No.”

“Why?… It would be difficult for you to get up and clean it up all by yourself.”

“The reason is not important… I can handle th— SHIT—“

“Mizuki please let me see it. It’s clearly hurting badly-“

“As I said, I can handle this.”

“You’re obviously lying. Whether you allow it or not, I have to check the wound and how bad it is.”

Mizuki grabbed Ena’s wrists with all the force they could gather, Ena struggled for a bit as she was letting herself go from their grasp, thankfully, she eventually managed to do so thanks to Mizuki’s state.

Ena finally lifted up their shirt, and what she saw was horrifying to say the least. Her face got devoid of any traces of curiosity just now just for it all to be replaced with horror, as if she saw a ghost. She saw all the variations of red, brown, and white contrasting against Mizuki’s light skin color, how there was some skin peeling around some scars, and most importantly, how fresh some of them were.

On the other hand, Mizuki wanted to escape from Ena’s gaze on their body as fast as possible, she saw what they thought was the most disgusting, filthy, and deformed part of themselves they ever showed to her. They thought she was going to abandon them for good, just like many people did. Everything Mizuki did in order to preserve their bond with Ena, it all seemed useless and futile now, just like they feared.

What snapped Mizuki out of their thoughts was Ena’s shaky breathing, they thought that this is it, that there’s now another person on the mental list of people they lost because of something about Mizuki.

“What the FUCK is wrong with you?!”

“You’re so fucking disgusting.”

“I never imagined someone this filthy exists, but here you are.”

Mizuki can already feel the words coming, they embraced themselves for it, it’s a matter of few seconds before they actually hear them… Or so they thought.

“… For how long have you been doing this?… I might not be the best at comforting, but why didn’t you tell me sooner? I- I just- I wish I realized this sooner. I’m so sorry for not being the person you needed. You were going through such a hard time without me knowing about it… I just-“

Mizuki didn’t expect this would be her reaction, they thought it will be the last time they ever talk, they thought this was going to be the end.

“I *sob* I’m so sorry… I can’t believe *sob* I didn’t know about this sooner…”

Ena grabbed both of Mizuki’s hands and gently kissed them, she then proceeded to wrap her arms around them and pull them into a tight hug. Mizuki froze in their place because of how astonished they were, they never thought of such outcome, not just did Ena not give the type of reaction they thought they were going to get, not just did she sound genuinely concerned, but she was also apologizing for not knowing better?? They never even dared to try dreaming of this yet here it is being actual reality.

Slowly, Mizuki started to wrap their arms around Ena, and they could feel tears forming in their eyes as well, they kept it inside for so long yet they couldn’t bring themselves to say a word out of fear of their past repeating itself again, they didn’t want to lose yet another person they want to stay with.

“No… please don’t say that to yourself it isn’t your fault in the slightest… Please don’t cry…”

“How the hell am I supposed to NOT cry?? Seeing you in pain hurts me and this time and this time it affected you physically and *sob* and to make matters even worse I couldn’t help you because of how oblivious I am…”

“Ena please… It’s my fault for being such a coward and not saying anything… I don’t want to see you cry because of me…”

Ena’s expression turned to a determined one, with tears still in her eyes, her nose still red, and her cheeks still puffy. She cupped Mizuki’s cheeks with both her hands and wiped the tears with her thumbs and said

“Mizuki, don’t say this about yourself. You are not a coward for not telling me about your struggles, l know it can be hard to open up to someone, no matter who that someone is. But whenever you feel like you’re struggling again and are close to doing this to yourself, come to me instead okay? You don’t have to force yourself to tell me you’re so close to doing it, just come to me and start the conversation like you normally do. Please.”

This was Mizuki’s last straw. Before they knew it they started sobbing uncontrollably with Ena having a firm, right grip on them. They were feeling so many emotions, they were keeping it inside for so long, they were so scared of Ena leaving them because of this secret of theirs they deemed “ugly and filthy” , they were in so much pain, they had so much on their mind, and most importantly, they were happy the what-it’s in their mind didn’t come true.

They were happy Ena didn’t reject this part of them. They want to stay with her as long as they can, even if their time together isn’t meant to last much longer, they hope it is.

Note: i am not implying that sh scars are something scary in ena’s reaction, the reason i wrote her reaction that way is because i wanted to interpret that she’s horrified because it’s happening to Mizuki. I hope you understand i meant no harm in the way i wrote her reaction, i struggle with sh myself.

[lunarmote]

Revisiting Suicide Room (2011)

Watch the same movie at age 12, 19, 25 - you'll react to it differently.

Two nights ago I watched a Polish movie with my art school friend S called the Suicide Room (Sala Samobójców). I’d seen this movie before about 5 times. The movie is about a gay high schooler called Dominik who gets "outed" by his former friend in an embarrassing public accident, is made the laughingstock of his class, and spirals into a depression. He seeks refuge in an online VR game where he meets a depressed girl who seems to understand him... As the movie goes on, he gets more sucked into the virtual world and loses touch with the outside world.

It's a film that seems to have gained a bit of a following in certain circles. It's criticized for the same drama that its followers praise it for -- depicting what it's like to have teenage depression. And all at once I am puzzled by this supposed "charge" against the movie: that it's melodramatic. The fact that there seems to be such a clean divide between older people calling it over-the-top and funny, an exercise in teens taking themselves so seriously, and teenagers idolizing the characters for being true-to-life, indicates to me this movie IS effective at highlighting some kind of bridge in preferences or empathy.

What does it mean for a film to be overdramatic?

I mean, this isn't the first teen movie to be called sentimental, melodramatic. As for myself, the film has lost the poignancy it once had but I am still incredibly fond of it.

This was my favorite movie as a teenager. At age 14, I begged my mom to be homeschooled. My overworked single mom panicked - a straight-A student threatening not to go to school was unheard of. The school administration freaked, set up "counseling" sessions where all they could do was talk glibly, soullessly, about the importance of education.

I remember watching Suicide Room that night and telling my mom I was perfectly willing to write a 5-page essay on my own on how the film was so beautiful and truthful and that if all English assignments were like this I would have no problems with school. I learned so much more through empathizing with the characters of Dominik and Sylwia than I learned through any school assignment. (It's interesting how this film works - it distracts you from your own pain by convincing you to, for an hour and 30 minutes, sympathize with another person. You come into the film wanting vindication, but you come away from it feeling like you lost a friend. I wanted to save Dominik.)

The fact that teenage angst seems to be near-universal, and the fact that adults eventually overcome it (I'd argue they don't actually, as many adults seem to be living in some kind of low-grade feelinglessness) doesn't suggest to me at all that the pain teens face is out of proportion, or that teens lack "perspective." It suggests rather, that perhaps adults have lost the memories of what it's like as a teenager, or they have lost sympathy towards that time of their life, since many people seem so embarrassed by their high school selves they try to scrub clean any memories of them.

I guess I can talk a little more about the main character in the film, Dominik. He is an entitled, condescending, sheltered kid. He nonetheless has a deep desire to connect with another human being. In the depths of his pain he turns to Sylwia who at first seems to be the provider of psychological support (and this time around, I picked up on this more strongly) - Dominik's redemption lies in the fact that he was willing to sacrifice himself to alleviate the pain of someone he thought had it worse than him. But his deepest flaw was not realizing that he had it worse.

Isn't that what happens? Your immediate environment fails you so you turn to the Internet. You find a community. You're led there by your own pain but you stay because you empathize with others' pain. But to break free of the pain means to break free of community.

A very clever scene exists in the movie. Sylwia is using Dominik to get herself pills so she can overdose. Torn between the threat of her hate and his fear of losing her to suicide, he talks to his psychiatrist through the closed door of his room while being in a voice call with Sylwia. The psychiatrist doesn't realize his answers have the double intention of showing Sylwia that ultimately, he will do as she wishes (get the pills), but not without stating his piece. He says he doesn't want to die. He doesn't understand suicide. His voice strains and he starts tearing up as he speaks to both - he doesn't understand how people who commit suicide could do that to their loved ones.

I've always wanted to stay up all night with Dominik. As a teen I wished I could pause the movie and jump in-universe and get through to him somehow, before the fatal incident. I told him I would stay up all night with him and we could just talk about, you know, life and death and beauty and our willingness to live, because sometimes you just need a friend.

So the film is dramatic. That’s what it takes to save a life.

[accio-victuuri]

cpn: zz says, keep warm ☕️

parallels made because of zz’s message alongside the xz studio photos released today, the weather is getting colder, pay attention to keep warm. i mean— are his hot af photos supposed to keep us warm? it sure did. lol. xzs knows what’s up!

( wdym this is not work of art from a museum? )

now onto the clownery, again, for turtles who like cpn only. if you hate it then don’t click and read. yes. it’s that easy.

· • —– ٠ ✤ ٠ —– • ·

ZZ, and by extension XZS have always been caring towards his fans. His messages were never sweet to the point of giving way to boyfriend fantasy, but more of a friend who genuinely looks out for you. We’ve talked about how he really doesn’t need to share much and yet he still does. The effort they put in their vlogs as well as photos is much appreciated by fans too. The speculation here is of course bojunyixiao bias, but that doesn’t mean i’m ignoring the truth that these messages are also for his fans.

Anyway, in today’s photo set he did remind people to keep warm. You would think he will say this because it’s getting colder where he is but No. You’ve probably seen some photos of him even wearing shorts while in Chongqing. Also CQ have always been a much warmer city compared to others. If you compare the type of weather, Beijing is in the single digit and is experiencing more of the cold weather. So who are you specifically reminding? Someone in Beijing?

and then you have WYB posting a douyin today. and yes we noticed he’s been active lately but in his video he is all bundled up. He is actually looking cozy in that hoodie. As if to say, “yes i am keeping warm gege.” I really love it when the 24-hour rule is in effect and it’s not on the same platforms.

moving on to other instances,

..this year's spring is a bit cold, everyone pay attention to keep warm..

Around this time, WYB was MIA and shooting Born to Fly in Jiayuguan City ( Gansu ). He wasn’t allowed to leave and it was a locked in shooting because of the sensitivity of the movie’s topic and the involvement of military information. So they couldn’t really meet in person. Around this time in March, it’s so cold that it can get into negative numbers, so maybe another reminder to Yibo?

.. reminder: sooner or later the temperature difference is large, please pay attention to keep warm ..

Yes, the campaign is all about dressing up for the cooler weather but XZS already addressed that in the first part of the caption ( talking about autumn ). but they just have to add that but about keeping warm. The date is 9/7 = 1997 ( Yibo’s birth year ) also 01:25, if you add the minutes all up then it’s 85 ( 8/5, Yibo’s birthday ). Turtles are saying that around this time, Bobo was filming Nameless and it was very cold. Remember they were doing night shoots up until the early morning so it seems like XZ specifically wanted this reminder to be added in.

This was later confirmed when one of the actors ( wang chuanjun ) did an interview and said it was very cold during the shooting.

...The sunset is solid and pleasant, and you need to enjoy the scenery (..) cold protection..

Another reminder ( allegedly ) for his beloved, who was still working with the Nameless crew. from the interviews we’ve seen, it was a tough shoot and it’s sweet of GG to add this in.

Lastly — I’ve been seeing some talk that shooting of ZZ’s drama is temporarily stopped because of COVID related protocol. At least he is stuck at his hometown for this rather than some place else. I also advise against spreading “candy” about them meeting in between and implying they are breaking inter city health protocols. that’s a big deal for them and artists will get flack if there’s any news that they broke the rules when it comes to this. it’s not always about candy and be careful of people who seem like they are well meaning because of the “sweets” they are peddling but it’s really rotten inside.

It may seem irritating to some because i always give this reminder but i will never stop. Turtles are very prone to being taken advantage of and we should be smarter in what we consume. 🤍

-END.

[pbandjesse]

I am just now getting out of my workshop. Which went almost an hour later that was supposed to. But I had such a good time. And while it only had five people we did great. And I felt super successful and super happy. I'm also very tired. And very glad to go home.

I slept better last night but I still didn't sleep great. I would let myself stay in bed until almost 7:00 and James laid with me for those last 10 minutes. I went and got washed up and dressed and I kept watching the clock. And thinking okay you have 15 minutes till you have to leave okay you have 11 minutes till you have to leave. And I have my morning routine pretty down path to 20 minutes. But I just felt like I was moving so slow. And things were hard to do.

I did not wear makeup today. Well I wore mascara. But I didn't wear eyeliner. My eye still is swollen a little and I just would like to see my face without it for a little while again. And my outfit was fine and my hair was fine. I caught it a little bit more last night. Gave myself some more layers. But I just keep thinking that I look like I did in 7th grade. When I kind of had like a proto mullet of some kind. Just kind of shaggy seeing hair but I didn't use hairspray so it was not as voluminous. But I felt slightly better about myself at least.

I left for work and I didn't really have to deal with any traffic. And I got to camp around 8:00. And it was so nice out. Like it was chilly today. But I just wore a sweatshirt and I was fine. I honestly could have spent more time outside than I did.

I would have my breakfast and around 8:30 Heather texted me a list of vendors that I could contact. I had to do a ton of research to find emails and some of the business names are not SEO optimized because like multiple people are having the same name as your business. I should be able to Google you and you come right up. I should not have to search for your email. Ridiculous. So that took me like an hour to find everyone I contact them. And then by the time I was done that Heather and Sarah and Elizabeth were all in and Heather get me another list of people to contact. So me and Sarah worked on that together and we would get about 25 people contacted. And hopefully we will have a couple people sign up.

once I finish that I would take like an hour to do some research about Uganda. Which is becoming more and more real and I'm still trying not to be very very anxious about it. I don't want to keep asking James to text Paul with all of my questions but I have a lot of questions. Specifically things about visas and vaccinations but also the hotel and the resort are they the same place? Turns out they are. We're staying in a five-star luxury resort. And it looks beautiful in the pictures. And so since now I know where we're staying I started doing research into what we could do on Wednesday which is our one day where we have nothing planned for the wedding. And I found a rhino sanctuary that isn't too too far and I think would be incredible. It's where the last white rhinos live in the wild and there's only like 22 of them and I just think it would be so amazing. I want to see something that I can't see anywhere else. And like we're already staying on lake Victoria which is the largest lake in Africa which is already incredible. But I really want to take advantage of as much as I can on this trip.

So I did a ton of research and I worked on a packing list. I mostly modified the Disney list so I could just utilize a lot of that stuff. Because it's still useful. I just took out the Disney specific things and I'll add in the Uganda specific things. And I texted James and we worked on our document together with all the information about the itinerary and need to know information. I think that we are being a really good team about this.

I had lunch but I was still really hungry and I just kind of remained that way for the rest of the day. Just really snacky. Eventually though Heather and Alexi had a meeting and Elizabeth went for a walk and when she came back she said that there was stuff that we could do to get ready for the open house this weekend. So I would go up to the hacienda and put tables and chairs away and start to sweep. But then my back hurt so I came back.

Sarah and Chloe went and picked up some chicks!! Which was super exciting and I absolutely loved holding in. They are my new best friend. They don't have names yet but two of them were half off for being a week older? Very silly. But it was so fun to have them around.

Soon me and Sarah jumped in the gator to get cleaning supplies and go to woodlands village and wipe down all of the beds while she swapped and then we cleaned pioneer cabins and it was nice to just do a singular task. I had a podcast going and I was just enjoying listening to my headphones and cleaning and it was a good time.

around 3:40 I finished up the last beds and I checked in with Sarah and after putting cleaning product and all the toilets I went back to the office to get my stuff and said goodbye. I needed to go home

But really what I need to do is eat. I was so hungry. And so I went to Wawa and I got a hoagie and I got chips to bring home for James. I sat in my car and watched a video while I ate my sandwich. I had entirely too much bread and cheese but it was great in the moment. And then I went home.

When I got home it was about 5:00. I didn't have to deal with too much traffic and when I got back I was really happy to see James. Sweetp too. And it was so nice seeing our kitchen all pink and James being so happy. And we just hung out for a little while. They had gotten the wrong tote bags out that I asked them for and we had a little bit of a laugh about that while they want to help me find the toepans I actually needed as examples. And then I gave them the trips I got them and they were really excited and we talked and laid on the couch while they worked on bread and soon it was time for me to go again.

I had to create appliance to do my workshop and it went so good. I got there right about 6:00. My first person came at 6:15 while I was still setting up. And I would have four women and one man and everyone was so nice. But man this workshop was a little above all of their pay grades. I think I gave him a lot more than they expected and I don't know I think that we all probably could have done it down a little bit. But we had two people completely finished their tote bags and three people mostly finished their tote bags. And it was great. We had conversations and we had stuff going on and I was troubleshooting and fixing machines and it was chaos but it was really great. And we all got to learn about each other and tell each other encouraging words and I think it was just a really really good time. And at the end once most people were leaving I got some really nice compliments. Parker's partner came and she said that I was super charismatic and she was awesome and I just felt like everyone really enjoyed the class and that made me feel really good. The last person to leave was the guy that came. I believe his name was Alex and he just moved to Baltimore this year and he really excited and he made a giant bag. And he stayed the extra 45 minutes so that we could work on it together to finish it and it came out great and I'm so proud of him. He had never sown a day in his life not hand sewn not machine sewn. And he was so brave and I showed him some hand sewing stuff as well and it was just awesome. I think if I was to do this again I would definitely want to have more sewing machines. But I think we did great with what we had and it was just a really really good class.

I'm sitting in the car now finishing writing this and I'm about to go in and I'm really excited to see my husband and take a shower and then go to sleep. Because tomorrow we have so much to do to get ready for the open house this weekend. And I just hope that we get it all done. Because if we do not I'm coming in very early on Sunday to do it. And I don't want to do that.

Good night everybody. I hope that you are safe and happy. Until next time.

[tea-with-evan-and-me]

Part 2: The Kindness

*Disclaimer for talk of death of loved ones and performing CPR. I don't want to upset anybody. I'm just writing things that pop into my head ❤️

I'm sitting on the floor in Julie and Tom's living room. I'm wearing the scrubs I've been sweating in for 12 plus hours. I was supposed to work a double shift today, but they sent me home because I was inconsolable. This day couldn't have been any worse. I'm not sobbing, but I'm on the verge. Hot tears are streaming down my cheeks. Whatever little makeup I wear is smeared all over my face. Julie is sitting with me. She's in her scrubs as well. We both experienced something truly awful today. It's not the first time, but it's infrequent enough that it will never get easier.

I hear Tom walk in. "What the hell happened? Are two alright" he rushes to Julie and she stands to hug him. Someone else sits down on the floor next to me. It feels familiar but I can't place it. I'm staring ahead. I feel numb.

Julie speaks softly. "We uh...we lost a patient today" she starts crying for the first time today. "Nat was doing CPR on her...." She trails off.

I look up and my tear streaked face meets Evan's face. Oh. I didn't even realize he was here. The concern on his face brings a new wave of tears. I speak as well as I can.

"I uh..I did CPR on her for 25 minutes." I let out a sarcastic chuckle. "I cracked her ribs. I thought oh that will bring her back, that hurts like hell, right? When you don't respond to your ribs being cracked then I guess ..." I don't continue that thought.

"We are trained to keep doing CPR for as long as we can. Especially when we know a family member is on their way. It shows we are trying. We have to use our judgement" Julie explains.

Evan is listening but his eyes do not leave me. Not once. He stands and holds his hand out. I take it. He helps me off the floor and then he sits me on the couch and takes a place next to me.

I speak again. Barely able to talk. "The worse part was when her husband came into the room. Julie called TOD and I saw him sway. I knew his legs were giving out. I instinctually jumped down and caught him. Sat him on the floor and held him".

I'm sobbing now. "He kept....he kept screaming her name. And then he kept repeating 'what am I gonna tell our 4 year old? How do I tell her mommy isn't coming home?'" I can barely breathe. Evan wraps his arms around me and pulls me to his chest.

"I can't stop hearing him scream. His raw pain. She was beautiful and I know he must have adored her. I whispered to her that I'm sorry I cracked her ribs. I feel so numb and paralyzed. Am I in shock?"

"You might be honey" Julie says

I'm a mess. Evan hugs me tighter. He's planting soft kisses on the top of my head. I can feel his heart racing. I allow him to hold me and he doesn't even shift for the longest time. He starts singing to me. I know it's to try and put something else in my head. I've never heard the song, but it's comforting.

I finally pull away. Mascara stains my face. I'm red and swollen. I look at the clock and its been hours since I've been here. "How long have you been sitting with me?" I ask Evan.

"Hour and a half maybe?" He replies.

I just stare at him. He asks me what's on my mind.

"You're a really kind man, do you know that?" I say to him. He's staring into my eyes. His eyebrows are furrowed.

"You barely know me and you just sat with me for over an hour and sang to me so I could not hear horrible things in my head." New tears.

He shakes his head but he's speechless

"I don't know where you came from but I appreciate you and I always will" I say.

oh my this one 😭

[hannah-heartstrings]

It’s a Beautiful Thing

For the 25 days of tes cheer prompt: snowfall

I'm late as per usual but I’m excited to share this one because my writing has gotten better but I keep not finishing the fics with my better writing in it, and because I don’t think I’ve actually shown Lecrinn’s and Garrus’s dynamic yet.

This supposed to be a quick snippet ended up 1,000 words so 700 words of it are under a read more.

Please tell me what you think!

@tescheer @nine-blessed-hero

------

           As afternoon turned to evening Cheydinhal grew colder and darker, a fog beginning to thicken. No one was outside who didn’t have to be, leaving the streets near empty. It was the kind of quiet that felt somehow peaceful and spooky at the same time.

           Walking through the streets Garrus’s steps were purposeful but heavy, his face a tired scowl. Just a few more patrols and he could go back to the barracks for supper and a much needed break, albeit a too short one.

           Nearing the east gate he stopped, the scowl fading.

           There stood a familiar Redguard woman. The red hood and skirt that always accompanied her leather armor made her stand out against the fog. Her hood had fallen down as she stared up at the gray sky, her short reddish brown hair framing her light brown face.

           “Lecrinn?” He said with a surprised smile.

           Looking down she smiled back.

           “What are you doing here?” he walked up to her. “I thought you had to go to Bruma.”

           “I did,” she stepped towards him, “but I ended up back in the area so I thought maybe we could go to the Newlands Lodge for supper.”

           “Of course!” His smile brightened before faltering. “Uh, but first I must finish my patrol and pass my shift on.”

           “No you don’t!” One of the gate guards yelled to him. “We’ll take care of that, you go with her.”

           He looked at him annoyed. “I cannot just abandon my patrol.”

           She linked her arm with Garrus’s, pulling him along. “Come on, if you get in trouble just say you got kidnapped.”

           “Am I being kidnapped?”

           “Make sure he actually takes a break!” a guard yelled from the wall.

           She raised an arm to wave back to them. “Will do!”

           They walked further into town.

           As sunlight disappeared behind the city walls the sky darkened, the fog taking on a blue tint.

           “Looks like it will rain soon,” she glanced up, pulling her hood back up.

           “It’s been dreary for days,” he frowned. “Do you think Marcus will actually take care of the patrol like he said?”

           “I don’t know why he wouldn’t.”

           “Maybe I should check-” he turned away but she tightened her arm around his, planting her feet in place.

           “Can you stop worrying for a minute?”

           He turned back to her, tilting his head down to meet her eyes. “It’s my job to worry.”

           “You’re not on your job you’re with me,” she gave a playful smile before looking more serious, “and it sounds like your men are worried about you so why don’t you try to relax? It’s too cold for crime anyway,” some of the playfulness returned.

           “I suppose you’re right, about needing to relax, I don’t think that’s how crime works,” he narrowed his eyes.

           “Criminals need to stay warm too.”

           They started walking again.

           “What if someone trespassed to get warm?” he asked.

           “See that doesn’t sound like a crime to me.”

           “It’s compromising someone else’s security.”

           “Mm,” she frowned, “you have a point… Oh!” her eyes lit up. “You take them somewhere warm that wouldn’t be trespassing.”

           He lit up as well. “Like an inn.”

           “Exactly! And buy them a room so they have somewhere warm to stay.”

           A smile started to form before falling. “Wait that wasn’t my point.”

           “Well I made a better one,” she said jokingly aloof.

           He smirked.

           They reached one of the roofed bridges and were halfway across when a breeze blew in from the side.

           She crossed her arms and shivered, coincidentally pulling his arm closer.

           “We’re almost there.”

           She stopped as a few white flecks blew in.

           “What is it?”

           Holding out a hand she caught them on her fingertips, watching them melt on her leather gloves. “Snow?” She looked to the side as more flecks began to fall. She gaped slightly, her surprise coming out in a breath of white mist.

           “What?”

           Slipping from his arm she stepped to the rail to stare out. “I didn’t know it snowed in Cheydinhal.”

           “We are just south of the Jerall mountains.”

           Snow floated through the blue fog to land softly on the river, on either side silhouettes of willow branches swayed in the breeze, brushing against the water’s surface.

           “It’s beautiful!” she breathed.

           Garrus stepped up beside her confused, to him it just looked like snow. It used to be beautiful but now it was just a sign of how cold it was going to be, that he needed to make sure everyone had enough wood for their fires and hope he didn’t have to guard outside today.

           But watching her wide smile and her bright brown eyes seemed to put the beauty back into it. With a smile he looked from her to the snow. “It is, isn’t it?”

           Another gust of wind made the snow swirl and dance.

           His eyes lit with a curious glint, though the air was no less cold it felt less bitter, the sky was just as gray but felt less dreary now. Nothing had changed and yet something changed it all. Slowly his gaze shifted back to her, eyes filling with adoration, his voice a whisper. “It’s a beautiful thing.”

           Feeling his gaze on her she looked at him confused. “The… snow?”

           He quickly looked away. “Well yes, it is,” he cleared his throat. “But what I meant was: it’s a beautiful thing, how someone can come along and turn your entire day around.” He nervously looked back to her.

           Her head tilted back with a warm smile. “Happy to do so.”

           Nervousness slipping away he returned the look.

           They faced forward.

           The air grew darker and bluer before the blue began to fade, the scene before them ever changing; but it also grew colder.

           As she shivered Lecrinn kept glancing at Garrus from the corner of her eye. Stepping closer she looped her arms around his.

           “Do you want to go in?”

           “Nah,” she leaned her head against his shoulder. “Unless you want to,” she looked up, keeping her head against him.

           Unable to contain the bubbling grin he stayed faced forward. “I’m all right.”

           Seeing the corner of his smile widen so did hers.

           Together they watched the snow fall, warmed by the other’s company.

[eclipsedcrystalstar]

Moon: Isn't it amazing how I can feel so bad and still look so good?

The Twins: We have a problem. Solar: No, YOU two have a problem. I have two idiots who keep making them. (/lh)

Solar: I got an idea! Bonnie: Does it involve breaking the law? Solar: By now don’t you think that’s a given? Bonnie: I was just trying to be optimistic. Solar: Don’t bother.

Freddy: You scored a 25/27 on your mental health questionaire… Solar: So… That means I'm good at mental health, right? (it doesnt)

Monty: If I had a face like yours, I'd put it on a wall and throw a brick at it. Moon: If I had a face like YOURS, I'd put it on a brick and throw a wall at it.

Freddy: Do people actually put thought into zodiac posts or do people just randomly write down what soap the signs are? Moon: Sounds like something an exfoliating citrus soap would say…

Freddy: I have very high standards, you know. Sun: I can make spaghetti… Freddy: Oh no! You're meeting all my standards!

Moon: Bottling up negative emotions is bad for your health, so you shouldn't do it. Solar: I know, that's why I bottle up all my emotions, both positive and negative, so it cancels out. Moon: Th-that's not how that works-

Monty: One time Sun gave me a glass of milk and I meant to ask him "Who's milk is this?" because I wasn't sure if it was for me or if I was supposed to give it to Freddy but instead I just stared down at the milk and said "Who's this?" then Sun turned to me without missing a beat and said "That's your new friend, mr. milk." and we stared at each other and then he asked if I was high.

Solar: Sun, no. Sun: Sun, yes.

Solar: How does one turn their emotions off? Moon: Okay, so first go to settings… Solar: Moon: I'm a fucking idiot. I thought that said emojis at first. Solar: No, I'm still willing to try this. Go ahead, I'm at settings, what do I do next?

Monty: "Forgive me father, for I have sinned." and "Sorry, Daddy. I've been bad." both mean very similar things but have wildly different connotations. Moon: Get the duct tape, cause I'm shutting you up for good.

Monty: You really gotta get your tongue on it. Monty: Licks soap Monty: Bleh- Monty: Don't get your tongue on it.

Sun: Anybody got any crayons so I can color in my Ph. D.?

Moon: And what do we say when life disappoints us? Solar: Called it. Moon: No.

Solar: Moon, what is the ONE thing I asked you NOT to do tonight? Moon: Raise the dead. Solar: And what did you do? Moon: Raise the dead.

Freddy: Are you sure this is safe? Sun: Safer than Flintstone vitamin gummies in a bottle. Sun: Keep twisting, junior! All you’re gonna get is clicks.

Solar: I think I need a hug… Sun: Good thing I'm hug shaped! 45 minutes later Solar: You… you can let go now. Sun: No, I absolutely cannot.

reaction to being told they're the chosen one Sun: I will not let you down. Freddy: Sounds fun. Bonnie: K. Moon: No, I'm fucking not. Monty: Do I have to be? Solar: Please stars, I am so tired.

Bonnie: I just remembered this time I was telling a story to Monty and it was clear they weren't listening to me so I started making up this huge, gruesome story about a cult murder I'd witnessed while they sat there nodding along to my dramatic moral struggle about whether or not I should come forward. It was then I looked up to see the customers looked utterly horrified and long story short, that's why I should remember that humans have ears.

Bonnie is telling a story Moon: Wow, Bonnie, this story has everything! Action! Adventure! Romance! Freddy: Romance? Moon: I have a crush on them.

Moon: I'm bi because when I was 4 I sneezed and no one said "Bless you" and the devil entered my body and made me the sassy bitch I am today.

[professormingisglasses]

QUESTIONS...

FFwriter X idolseonghwa (kinda)

TW: talks of anxiety and mental illnesses, starts of like smutty(?)… but trust it's not like that. (let me know if I miss anything)

A/N: This is me getting used to writing for Hwa, I hope it isn’t too cringey but this concept came to me while daydreaming haha. Also I feel like it would funny if this ever happened to an atiny IRL. Anyways enjoy, and for the most part I think it’s gn! but once again let me know and give feedback :)

XO your fave shinestar ;)

(I’m Ot8 for the most part, I CANNOT CHOOSE and I don’t want to hehe. You’ll see further down what I mean)

He pried me away from the crowd and sat me down one of the velvety couches in the hallway. “Why did you bring me here?” I ask Seonghwa hazed and dizzy from the dance floor. “I called three times and you didn’t answer, do you have any clue how worried I was,” he gritted out while roughly brushing his hands through his obsidian locks. Finally coming to my senses, “But why, after all the things I said about yo-” he cuts me off, crashing his plump lips into mine and he carefully press my back into the velvet. I groan against his lips as he grabs a fist of my hair to allow access to my neck. “Tell me if you want to stop sweetheart,” he mutters in between the nibbles and nips at my neck. I’m so heady all I can offer him is whiney hum, I never want him to shit.

“Why did I write that,” I aggressively erase my mistake while frantically peaking at the time on the top of my computer, 3:25 AM. My readers will just have to wait for the next part, I tell myself as I quickly finish up the loose ends to make a cliffhanger. “Sorry for the ending guys,” I sound out while typing my authors note, “Please be patient and ready for a part two, XO your fav shinestar ;).” I press post, setting my laptop on my haphazardly organised desk and crawl into bed. Catching a glimpse of my alarm clock; 3:36 AM. Groaning into my pillow*,* I punch my clock giving myself three hours of sleep before I have to run down to the station for work. I dream about meeting Seonghwa and riding away into the sunset with him on a horse, Picture perfect, I smile to myself.

The clock has been going off for the past ten minutes, I grab the stupid thing and ram the off button. WHY DID I DECIDE TO PICK THIS JOB OUT OF ALL THE OTHER OFFERS I GOT UGHHH. I drag myself out my bed and head to the bathroom to look half decent while taking interviews with out-touch-with-reality celebrities. My current job at a gossip magazine was to make ends meet, heavens know I despise this job and all I want to do is work with artists. My true passion was to become a music journalist, diving deeper with the artists on their albums and understanding who they are behind the mic was all I want to do but alas I have to survive. Plus this is closest I can get to meeting some of my role models, for now that is.

“Eventually we will get there, but first let’s get through today,” I slap my face in my car mirror to psyche myself up before entering the office. Even before I can properly enter the office lobby, I spot a rougue human hurtling towards me. “Girl- woahhh,” my office bestie nearly crashes into me, so I her shoulders and face towards me. “YOU HAVE TO GET TO THE MAKE-UP DEPARTMENT NOWWW,” she pushes me hastily along the office floor and I try my best not to fall flat on my face and acknowledge my coworkers. “First of all, WHY?!” I question as soon as we stop. “Second of all, why the fuck are our co-workers looking at me like I stole their paychecks ?” her face goes ghost-white. “Hello, are you ok?” What is up with this girl…

That’s when I hear him chuckle,

my heart dropped

I send an SOS and he’s-behind-me-isn’t-he? sharply to my friend, and in return receiving an encouraging yeah-hahahhahaha-but-you-got-this. I carefully turn myself to face Seonghwa, “Excuse me, are you who is supposed to interview me today? Sorry for any last minute trouble,” I feel the Earth shift beneath me and feel a shock that could send me into my grave along with my ancestors. “Yup yup,” my friend covers up for my shaken state. “Just give us a few moments to prep,” she leads me away. “HWAT !?” our make-up team promptly gets to work after not-so-gently placing my into a chair. “You got this, alright,” my friend shoves the interview questions I’ve worked on in my free-time, turning over in my head, thinking of that What if I ever got to meet him. I look over the questions, the words and letter slide around the page and my heart begins to pound with a strong presence. But they aren’t perfect, I am not ready. My thoughts are left as scattered as my questions.

I sit opposite Seonghwa, lit by the studio lights looking like the angel he is and fitted into a simple sweater and grey trousers that fit the homelness of the set. I cannot bring myself to look up at him as the make-up touch up his face and he glances towards me, my hands grip my clipboard with ferocity. “We can start whenever you are ready,” the director shouts out. “Ok, thank you,” Seonghwa replies politely. “Like he said whever you are ready,” I feel a gentle touch on my finger tips. I meet his face as he pulls back, he’s contorted with concern, but with a firmness that is comforting. I can’t help to think to myself of the times where his lives and content helped with my anxiety, and more importantly helped me to feel like I deserve to exist.

Thank you Seonghwa, let me prove to you and myself it was worth it.

With a deep breathe I signal to the staff that I am ready, “So you will be releasing a solo album soon..”

The interview had gone by somewhat smoothly, but minimal stuttering and edits which is a win for me. “Thank you for your time, anyways that’s all from me, your fav shinestar,” I finish cheekily.

I head to the roof after grabbing a muffin to munch on and clear my thoughts. I hear a door open but muffled as I stare into the baby blue scenery the sky displays. The knots that wind up during an anxiety attack slowly unfurl as I create shapes out of the fluffy clouds. “Good job by the way, you did amazing,” Seonghwa begins gently. I swiftly face him watching as the wind picks up his dark hair that the stylists, graciously, had left loose and soft. His eyes meet mine when the wind settles down after dancing around him in joy, leaving him with his signature smile. Absolutely mesmerised, I’ve forgotten to reply back, “Sorry, thank you” I shake myself awake. “Don’t be,” he tilts his head as though offended by my apology. “Also,” he jumps up, “your fics are just as good too. I love the way you portray me in each character, makes me feel like a shapeshifter,” he chuckles. I chock on my muffin,

HE’S READ MY FICS ?!

“Thank you ?” I force out settling myself. After he assures I’m ok, he continues his attack on my wellbeing. “I thought they would be more you know…” he fades off with smirk, I chock once more on my poor muffin, “I know what Atiny like…” he turns away. “HAHAHAHAhAHAHHA, yeah” I laugh obnoxiously. Sensing my obviously convincing casualness, “thank you again.” He shifts the conversation to something I don’t pick up right away because all I can think about what he was saying.

THANK THE HEAVENS THAT MY SMUT IS ON A WHOLE OTHER ACOUNT

Sending my thanks to anyone looking out for me, I tune into the conversation with Seonghwa, today was perfect and sweet like him. What more could I ask for, right?

This is what I sent to my poor best friend in the late hours of the night:

(i’m too tired to continue but basically, last minute she finds out she’s interviewing Seonghwa as he’s releasing his own album soon and after some nearly embarrassing moments, he realises that is the author of some of his most favourite ff of himself, and confesses this to her. She gets flustered but appreciates his words, he jokes about how he thought that the fics would be more raunchy since he knows what atiny like, and she brushes it off casually by laughing but thanks all the forces of the universe that her smut is on another more hidden account.)

(Sorry and love you lots !!!!)

[soil-just-needs-water-to-be]

Chapter 25

Word count : 2917

This chapter contains , a lot of mention of drugs and drug use , anxiety and being high

This chapter is written in a slightly different style I hope you enjoy but please give me feedback if you prefer it the other way or this way. It's not to much different just more clear demographics of who is typing when it comes to texting I suppose but yeh I'd still love some feedback that would be grandly appreciated ❤️

Matty's POV

It really wasn't George's fault that I got so worked up over a single question he was just trying to help, and I genuinely am so grateful for him and everything he does for me but I'm fragile and my state of mind is so frail , has been for the longest time and certain stuff sets me off, George left the call a few hours ago his Mum came home so he had to go talk to her about what happened at school and then I think he got caught up with studying, we're texting but I still feel like I'm going to explode my anxiety has been through the roof since he's been gone, I meant it earlier when I told him he calms me, he's like the literal embodiment of Pablo Picasso's painting of the Dove of Peace that represents peace and unity, maybe a little pretentious of me but it's true , he's like a lighthouse in a storm if you may.

I'm currently sat with my Mum, Dad and Louis , watching Star Wars , my Mum thought it would be good if we all spend sometime together, When she got home from work she could tell I was hopped up and skittish, she did try to speak to me but I said I was fine but she insisted we all spent some time together. Really all I want to do is go get high or drunk at this point I don't really mind which option is pulling me in most. My mum had poured herself a class of red wine before we started the film and it's all that's been on my mind since I sat down, I doubt I'll be allowed anything, my dad usually offers me a beer but right now I don't think they'll let me and Louis is sat on my knee and I don't want to disturb him, I'm biting my nails now trying to concentrate on the film and not the ticking of the clocks in the room that are surely just going to blow my brain up in a minute.

"Matthew", my Mum brought me out of my haze.

"Mhm", my reply was muffled by my mouth still chewing on my nails.

"Hands", I look at her quizzically for a second as I don't quite know what she means, "stop chewing your nails love", my hands drops from my mouth immediately

"Sorry Mum" , I carefully lift Louis of my knee must to his protest and ruffle his hair, "my eads really cloudy right now I can't concentrate, I'm just going to lay down for a little while, I'm sorry".

"You alright son", I just nod at my dad with a halfhearted smile and make my way upstairs the quiet of my own room and head probably won't be much better but I just need to be alone. I make it to my room and just slump down on my bed the duvet felt to soft but also really scratchy but there's nothing I can do about that right now, I feel like I was just laying there staring at the ceiling, falling into a spiralling vortex with nowhere to go but it was really only a couple of minutes. My hands where twitching like mad and I could just feel a tingling sensation through my whole body and I hated it. I knew what I needed right about now so I instantly pull my phone free from my pocket and scroll through my texts till I find his number

Corey (Bigman) , If I could trust anyone to have anything to quell my anxiety Corey would have it so I fire him a quick text

Matty: yo it's Matty , are you about!

Corey : yeh bro 😎, what you after?

Matty: I don't know just something to calm me the fuck down.

Corey : right no worries man, meet me at the oak in ten yeh don't be late.

Matty: cool.

I sit up a little resting on my elbows to keep me steady taking a second to just breath or at least try to relax my breathing, then scrub my hands down my face and go back downstairs "I'm gunna go for a walk clear my ead, I'll be back in a bit yeh, it's only about 8, I'll get something from the shop if you want", I pull on my old tattered black vans and I wait for a response and shove my wallet into my back pocket , stick my head round the door and notice that Louis has fully zonked out on the couch "do you guys want anything from the shop?"

"No thanks love, please be safe, call me if you need anything and don't be long alright, I know it's summer and it's light out but you still need to careful , come give your mum a hug first first" , I roll my eyes and smile while I make my way over and pull my Mum into a tight hug. "We love you Matthew , be careful alright"

"I love you too Mum" as I pull away I try to sent the most reassuring smile her way. "I'm alright though" , I say goodbye again leaving the room and snag my jacket (Jamie's jacket ), from the coat rack and slip out the door, and start the journey to the Oak Hill, on my way I send a Snapchat to George not really of anything just the scenery and just put a little heart on the screen before sending. The walk is peaceful really besides a few hoodlam kids across the other side of the road making the biggest ruckus for absolutely no reason but I ignore it. After about five minutes I get a reply from George a pretty artsy picture of all his school books on his desk

George: where you off to love❤️?

Again I don't really send a snap because if I'm going to show him around Manchester I want to do it in person not through a screen or pictures , Pictures rarely do anything justice

Matty: just on a walk darlin , tryna clear my head , how's the enforced studying going 😂

George: it's an absolute nightmare honestly I don't know how people do this on purpose , clearing your head are you still upset?

Matty: honestly yeh my heads all over the place still but it's okay I'm trying to calm down darlin , also I can 100% feel your there studying is the worst thing about of school 😂

George: I'll call you once my parents go to bed I'll just need a minute to be sure so I don't get caught, I miss your face already love.

I quickly skim read his message again and slip my phone in my pocket and turn the corner coming face to face with Corey, he's got a joint in between his lips and I can see he's holding another in his hands with a lighter next to him. He looks up at me nodding and hands me the joint

"Have this with me first lad then I can hook you up with gear yeh"

I willingly take the joint and quickly flick the lighter a couple of times before the end lights up sparking an amber glow and I inhale the contents deeply sighing as I release "This is good shit"

"Quite strong so It might calm you down lad" he pats the ground next to him indicating for me to sit with him, I pull him up in the offer and slide myself next to him. Watching as he fiddles with my gear in his pocket and passes it over to me. "You given me good weed recently too lad so I'll give you this for free, but please be careful", I nod along with him as I take the baggie from him and slip it into my pocket. "What's up lad, you haven't come to me in a while, what's troubling ya.?"

"My heads all over the place and I can't shut anything up, I just want everything to be quiet for a bit, be able to breath you know" , I continue to inhale the substance and then go back to texting George as Corey starts trying to help me through something, he's not the smartest button in the box. I take a picture of the joint in my hand the flash causing the smoke to seem grey and float across my screen

Matty: "I fuckin miss you too man Jesus , it's not even been that long and it's scary, and yeh please don't get yourself into anymore trouble, we can call when you can , I don't know if I'll be home straight away but I'll let you know yeh"

With that I slip my phone into my pocket and pull the baggie out again "you wanna share it then Corey, I don't mind" , as I'm saying this I pull out my credit card from my wallet and preparing what I need , the oak is a very secluded area no one will catch us, I don't even know if it's an oak tree to be honest it's just a tree on the outskirts of the park that's been chopped down and just lying there , kids come here all the time to drink and party in summertime. I take a bump from the coke from the corner of my card letting it take through my body, it makes me shiver a little, and I then pass the stuff over to Corey as I feel my blood start to heat up a little. I take a seat leaning against the trunk of the tree and lol my head backwards and stare up to the sky, the starts looking like tiny torchlights leading the way to the heavens and they spin around us slowly , after a while Corey sits next to me

“So man , is it working is your head quieting down yet bro ?”, come to think of it it has a little, there’s still that anxious lump in my throat and my heart is still going a million miles a minute but my brain is a little quieter. A little foggy but quiet.

“It’s a little foggy and everything is still really grey and colourless but yeh it’s quiet”

“What had you so hopped up in the first place lad”, he pulls more papers out his pockets and starts rolling another joint as I close my eyes and let the world go on around me talking as i fall into a peaceful state of bliss

“I don’t wanna talk about right now” , once Corey finished rolling the joint he passes it over to me and I light up again bringing it to my lips inhaling then ask “bro got any drink on ya”

“I’ve got beer in my bag”

“That’ll do , not the best but it’ll do”, he pulls a can of carlins from his bag and passes me a can as well as opening a can for himself. “Bro how do you always just know what I need”, He’s known me a while now and always been able to set me up some good gear when I’ve needed it.

“I just know you bro”, we just spend some time drinking and smoking, we did a few more bumps of coke. It has been about an hour and a half at this point my brain had stopped racing everything was quiet and I was getting really tired. Corey was zoned out next to me and I was nearly half asleep. “I think imma go now lad, are you coming or are you just gunna sit for a bit”

“Nah man I’m good ay, just leave me one last can will ya”, I didn’t feel like what I said was actually how it came out, everything was slurred and just blending together as I said it but I’m sure he understood. “Thanks again Corey, you always have what I need when I need help”

“It’s cool bro don’t worry”, he got up from his place on the ground probably at a normal speed but too me it looked like everything was in slow motion and he dropped his last can next to me. “Be safe yeh”, after we said our goodbyes he walked off back in the direction of the park.

I don’t know how much longer I sat there just nursing the beer that was left for me , but eventually I started to feel like I was sinking into the ground my heart started beating faster, a lot faster than normal which started to freak me out a little. Causing my breathing to come in fast burst. This makes me open my eyes and everything around me spinning , making my head hurt “not again nah I can’t do this right now” , I pull my phone out and start stabbing at my screen trying to find someone’s number, anyone’s number I don’t care who at this point. The more I search the more I start to panic I hate this. Eventually my eyes fall on Ross’ name and I click his name and bring the phone to my ear and hear it ring a few times and it goes to voicemail “no, no, no , please pick up”, I press his name again hearing the ringer go through again “please Ross pick up” , I’m beyond panic at this moment and I can’t concentrate right. Eventually he does pick up

“Yo Matty what is it?”

“Ross , is that you!”

“Uh yeh , you called me so I’d assume you know”

“Ross I’m scared I need you, can you come get me please”

“What do you mean you scared , where are you!?”

“I can’t breath and my brain feels like it’s going to explode”

“Matty mate , where are you?”

“Um …I …I’m at the. Uh the oak”

“Okay lad, I’ll be five minutes, do you want me to stay on the phone”

“Please…Ross please make it stop”, I could hear him on the other side, pulling on his jacket and his keys rattling as he pulled his door shut.

“What did you do mate?”

“I just needed my brain to shut up for a second, nothing was working, I needed it stop…and and…and it did…but now I can’t …can’t breath”

“Matty ….I swear you need to tell me , what did you take” , he’s outside now I can hear the crunching of leaves under his feet , Ross’ house was just around the corner so he shouldn’t be too long.

“How long will you be?”

“Stop swirving lad what did you take?”

“Um I uh. I …the usual” , I could feel water running down my face now, I don’t know when I stared crying but apparently I had.

“Mate , seriously , what’s wrong?, I’m just round the corner”

“I don’t know what’s wrong Ross, I really don’t know” , as I was finishing that senatnce I could hear him trudging through the forested area behind me but I couldn’t lift my head properly for to long “is …is that you ?”

“Yes , I’m going to hang up now”

I heard the dial tone give out and then Ross was running over to me “let’s get you up okay …on three yeh”, he wrapped an arm around me and he tried to pull me up “1, 2 , 3” , I pushed a little as he pulled me up. “Where going back to mine okay?, you can’t go home like this”, I just subtly nodded because even just slightly moving my head hurt so much, he wrapped and my arm around his shoulders and we began to walk back to his in silence which didn’t feel good but I just couldn’t conjure up a sentance.

We stumbled through his front door, I could hear his mum calling from the bedroom asking what was wrong and he just told her that I was out and I’m a bit pissed so I’m staying here rather than going home that made me chuckle not in a good way “bit pissed as if”

“Bro this ain’t funny come one,” we made our was upstairs he dragged me along with him taking one step at a time. It was hard even just walking never mind conquering stairs “where do you need to go , lay down or vomit”

“Nah nah I just need a lie down” , he pulled me into his bedroom and helped me up to then bed and he sat next to me softly pulling my head into his lap and laying against the headboard

“What are we gunna do with you huh?”

[orchid-and-co-comics]

Meet Mason (pages 25-28)

(words below images)

Mason looked at the glowing hand.

"A sacrifice... W-what sacrifice?" He asked.

"Just a change in your past is all..." Herobrine started... "I wouldn't give this deal to just any villager you know... You have shown to have something more." Herobrine stated as Mason shakingly moved to take the offered hand...

He took the deal.

"Good to see you have great courage... You will need it." Herobrine complimented

Mason felt his whole world shift... And go dark...

"You will feel a bit groggy when you wake up.... But it's normal... Good luck ❤️" Herobrine finished as Mason could hear something...

It was faint at first, but as his eyes opened he heard "... Are you with us lad?"

Mason's vision cleared as he then looked over to the voice "y-yes...."

"That's good to hear." The voice sounded quite old. Mason looked over to see a cleric with his back turned to him "I didn't think that old recipe would work. You are lucky small zombies are quite fast..."

"zombie...?" Mason asked

"Yes.... Sadly I tried to get the two other villager-Zombies in here before sunrise but by the time I got to the door, they were already gone..."

"Was that the sacrifice he said?" Mason asked himself...

"Well, until I can find your parents you can stay with me." Offered the cleric as he turned "You can call me Father Syrus... Do you remember your name lad?"

"..." Mason looked down at his hands and saw he was small "it's Mason..." He responded...

"Well Mason, here is some soup for you to get your strength back." Father Syrus smiled as he handled Mason a bowl.

"... What soup is it?" Mason asked

"Rabbit, now I have to step out for a minute..."

Mason watched the Father leave...

"... Well, I guess there's no going back now..." Mason then looked down at his soup "Now, how am I supposed to eat this?" He asked himself when he heard a voice "I got a spoon."

Mason was caught off guard "ORCHID!"

"That's me!" She smiled "I got a spoon. Spoon for Maton..."

Mason put the bowl down "a-am I dead? Are you real? Do you remember?"

"Remember what?" She asked with a smile, having climbed up on the bed with him

"Aww, it doesn't matter... I promise I won't let anyone hurt you..." Mason smiled...

"Hehe, I protect you too..." Orchid smiled as she hugged him

[Some hours later]

Father Syrus walked in the door with some supplies "I was in such a rush I forgot to tell Mason about Orchid... I hope he doesn't get frightened..."

Father Syrus walked into the backroom to find both children having fallen asleep, the young lad using his arm to let the younger rest...

"Well, I guess there was nothing to worry about..." The Father smiled

1 week later he had all his supplies gathered and a mule to carry it all...

"Are we ready to go?" Father Syrus asked the children

"On to Adventure!" Mason smiled as he helped Orchid stay on the mule...

9 years later... Mason had the map Father Syrus had, taking over navigation since the father accidentally took them the wrong way... "This looks like the place on the map..." Mason turned back "... It took a while but we're finally here."

"I'm glad to hear that my boy." Father Syrus smiled "I am still quite sorry for getting us lost, we would have been here sooner had it not been for my eyes going bad."

"But if we didn't get lost, you wouldn't have been able to train me." Orchid retorted "I'm so close to being a full-time cleric... I can't wait to be one!" She smiled

Syrus looked over at them "Why don't the two of you go and see the village while I talk to the village leader."

"Maybe we'll find other children Orchid's age..."

"YES!"

[A short time later]

"Can you make a clay figure of me when I become a full cleric..." "Sure thing sis..." Mason smiled at her when a sound from above got louder...

"Look out below!"

Mason noticed and quickly pulled Orchid close to him as a small body with wings hit the ground where Orchid just was.

Orchid pulled away from Mason to check on the fallen child. "Careful Orchid..." Mason reached out to her.

"Are you okay?" Orchid asked them as they started to get up "ugh... Y-yeah I'm..."

He looked up and they locked eyes... "I... Never seen you before, what's your name?"

"My name?" She asked before she realized he was asking her name "Oh My name. It's Orchid... And that's my big brother Mason."

Mason stared for a minute before replying "hi..."

The boy stood up, holding Orchid's hands "Orchid, that's a pretty name. Mine's..."

"SMITH! YOUR ALIVE!" another villager child ran into the boy, making Smith and Orchid collide. The two were too shocked to move... Mason however, saw it differently....

"HEY!!!!"

[dweeby-shadow-blog]

Sorry for not posting for a bit I kinda tried to take my own life #justcollegethings amirite

Lightbulb idea and Shadow Rebellion idea are not mine! As soon as I find the usernames I will update this post!

~~~~~~~

So the ‘shadow villain’s name is Shade. Sure. Maybe there’s an EVIL plan involving Better Tommorrow’s new patented ‘Ultra ultra Violet Light’ a light frequency that gives Shadows the ability to manipulate their caster.

Their ultimate plan is to roll out these cheap, everlasting bulbs everywhere so that the shadow rebellion can easily manipulate their unsuspecting casters, and ambush them to take over the world!!

To save the day, our duo must reverse the polarity or whatever, as established in the first 25 minutes of the movie (obviously) This will reverse the effect of ultra-ultra violet light, making it so that shadows exposed to it can no longer effect the real world.

~~~~~

This snippet would be set before the climax. Maybe after Daniel and Heidi had a falling out over his failed attempts to woo her, probably set after Daniel and Shadow Dan fought and made up. Enjoy!

~~~~~~

Heidi’s doorbell was rung again. And again. And again. Until finally she opened it, only for Daniel to shove his way in like a madman.

“H-Hey Heidi! Sorry about dropping by so suddenly..”

“Daniel, what are you doing here?”

“W-well, I didn’t like how we left things, and I wanted to apologize, but also there’s something really important that I need to talk to you about and we’re in a bit of a rush-“

“Daniel, slow down. We? Who are you-“

“N-no, wait-!”

Daniel lurched forward, snatching Heidi’s camera clean off her neck. He began fiddling with it, switching the bulb for a newer one we pulled from his pocket.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?!” She cried. She grabbed for her camera, Daniel dodging her every grab.

“Sorry! Sorry! I’m so Sorry!”

“Daniel, give me my-“

*click!*

Heidi flinched, dazed. The cameras flash had gone off right in her face. She blinked the spots from her eyes, all the while Daniel apologized profusely.

“Alright. You had better explain yourself in the next five seconds, or I WILL be calling the cops.”

“W-wait! I can explain!”

“Did it work?” Another, newer voice asked frantically.

“How am I supposed to know?!” Daniel replied in a hushed voice.

“Neither of you should be here!” Another, feminine voiced hissed from.. very close. How many people were in her house??

Heidi’s eyes finally unblurred, focusing onto Daniel.

“C’mon, Didi! You seriously can’t see the problem with this?!” A man’s voice cried, right next to her reclusive neighbor.

Heidi jumped, her eyes widening as they locked with what she could only assume was a hallucination. She was staring, hard.

Daniel’s eyes followed Heidi’s line of sight.

“Uh… Dan? I think it worked.”

“D-Daniel. Your… your shadow-“

The shadow seemed to turn to her. Ironically, his eyes brightened.

“Shadow Dan’s the name! A pleasure to finally meet you, Heidi! Well, technically you’re meeting me- I’ve seen you dozens of times-“

“Dan.” Daniel admonished. He turned to her. “Yeah… freaky, right?” (“Hey!”) “you kind of get used to it after a while, though.”

~~~

For context, DiDi is my take on Heidi’s shadow! Lemme know if y’all want more drabbles- I have a lot written and nothing posted lol

[swooshywoo]

okay pax post time i suppose. i went friday - sunday but sunday was also the travel back day

so friday we (me and my dad) wake up 6 am and we get our vaccine wristbands and day passes, and we were waiting in the annex at like 9:15 lol. which. the convention hall doesnt open until 10. there were soooo many people ive never been to pax before (ive been to other cons) and just wow. and the cheer when the doors opened and everyone flooded in. it felt like home ngl. me and my dad headed straight across the sky bridge to the other side where the more indie booths were to escape the crowd, and we just toured the expo floor checking out everything. my dad is a game dev and worked with indie devs + pax in the past so we just chatted with a few of them while playing their games. very cool to get that insight into the games industry. we showed up to the end of a panel to meet up with some of his friends, and then made dinner plans with a bunch of audio guys.

saturday was the day we (me) were here for because it had the tf2 reunion panel!! i cosplayed scout for that, saw 2 other tf2 cosplayers on the expo floor while we killed time, then showed up an hour early to the panel. and as we waited in line, so many people showed up it got capped 15 minutes before it started •_•. and like 6 people wanted photos of me too it was so fun. there were multiple medics and scouts, there was a demoknight, pauling, blu engineer, blu spy (wearing a heavy disguise), and a pyro. i was at the start of the line and got second row seats, the panel was amazing (theres an official recording somewhere idk where tho :( ). and then we went to the board game floor, found two people looking for players with a game we knew (and loved) already, and that was amazing those two were perfect matches for us.

sunday last day, went to the expo floor again (i was scout again too), played a game, talked to more devs, and killed time until the tf2 autographing. had lunch with a cosplayer id seen around the floor every day, they were super chill and also a father/son nerd duo which was cool. in the line for that i chatted with someone behind me and we played mario kart until it started (we were an hour early again, the line filled up in 25 minutes). got a PW Kaz 8x10 signed by Robin, got the script they read yesterday signed by all 4 of them, and my dad got a Portal 8x10 signed by Ellen. And then it was travel back.

It had been 6 years or more since i was last at a con, and im actually old enough now to appreciate them and feel the happiness that i felt this time. I had like 10 people total take photos of me, and easily twice as many shouts/compliments, and im definitely making my costume better for whatever next con i go to (props basically).

images under the cut

morbius

i did not know there was a etg arcade game?? based tho

the atrium at 6pm (when the expo floor closes (not the rest of the building tho))

THE ONLY SNAKE COSPLAYER!!! we both agreed we have to keep the fandom alive. im putting together a (tpp) kaz cosplay for next con as well.

maid master chief, amongus, and may (?) from it takes two

the only jojo cosplayers!! there was one more jotaro actually but he wasnt a part of this group.

pizza hill. the weapon was a pizza spatula thing (i forget the word)

neuron activation. it was so bad passing by this booth every time

[forkaround]

Kimhan AU

Months ago when Kinnporsche started airing, I'd just got to my college dorms and I came up with a scene of a girl fighting minions and standing over them, shirt open, heaving and angry. Her 'bodyguards' come and she yells at them for being terrible at their jobs. I was looking for a place to put the scene among my other WIPs but it didn't make sense anywhere. It stayed on the backburner for months until - I was in the supermarket and I met some Gujarati people (Context: I am currently living in Germany for my Masters but I am from Gujarat). And we started talking. Afterwards I realized how I'd lied, not really a lie, but like changed in how I talked to people compared to how I did back in India. And as a certified overthinker I did what any overthinker would do - I overthunk. Which lead to this idea of a character who presents as sweet and innocent but really is very sharp. Around the same time I'd read a Kimchay meta about how Chay isn't as sweet as he seems and Kim isn't as un-affected as he seems and that played in my head and that was how this ended up being called Kimhan AU. This doesn't really have anything to do with kinnporsche, it's just tangentially inspired by it. (Kinnporsche was something, wasn't it? I have 7 works that are tangentially inspired by something that happened in Kinnporsche or a meta someone wrote)

Anyway, Meet the Characters -

Kim (F, 25) is the youngest of an Indian Mafia family. She has just arrived at her dorms with Big (I am still using temp names. I like names to come to me instead of going to them), her bodyguard and oldest friend. Her dad wants her to keep an eye on P (I dubbed her Princess coz she is the heir i.e. Princess of the rival mafia family). The families have hated each other since an event, years ago, that lead to the death of their first children. Kim doesn't know why she must endure this but after what she did a few weeks ago, she has no choice.

Type (F, 22/23)meets the most beautiful woman she has ever seen at the supermarket once and she can't stop talking about her, to the frustration of her new friends. When she sees her again at the college cafeteria she calls out "Didi". She is the awesomest person Type has ever met, beauty and brains. But then Type finds out she is gay. Type is a good Indian Girl. This gay bullshit is just bullshit. Aisa kuch nahi hota (something like this doesn't exist). And why would Kim need to like a woman when she is so beautiful she could get any man?

[A/N: Let's just say she is in for a surprise. So I had just watched Ep 1 of TharnType when I wrote her and you can clearly see the influence. Type is someone who constantly puts her foot in her mouth and I think that's awesome.]

Big's (27, M) family has served Kim's family for years but sometimes he feels like he could kill Kim any second, especially when she knows his weaknesses and tells the very persistent, very beautiful boy in his dorm how to seduce him. Big has never had any moral issues with doing bad things but a relationship with a 19 year old is where he draws the line. He remembers being 19, he remembers the arrogance and the stupidity and the regret.

K (19, M) was supposed to focus on getting his bachelors. Which was all fine and good and then the most handsome man walked into his dorm room and he wants him carnally. Problem is Big won't stay in the same room for more than a minute which meant Kim had told him. Now how was he supposed to seduce him? But with that Adonis body comes something strange. He's heard him talk about shipments and products and protections.

[A/N: KimType are the fun couple and BigK are the not-fun couple, if you didn't already get that. I was watching Minato Coin Laundry at the time. So...]

Kimhan AU is tagged with KimhanAU or just Kimhan if you want to know more.

[lovenojudgement]

July 25, 2022 10:12PM

Dedication.

Today was supposed to be my rest day. I went to Makati for my skin treatment in the morning then I went to work for a couple of meetings.

Our Pathologist scheduled our monthly departmental meeting today. Our chief Medical Technologist said that there were two staffs who resigned already and one of those would greatly affect the laboratory’s workflow. He mentioned that he saw how I grew from being his intern to who I became as a section head of three sections of our laboratory. He thanked me for choosing to continue working until the very last day instead of filing all the vacation leaves that I can use.

I realized a lot of things when I got home. I realized that I really worked hard to achieve the position that I have now. I have worked hard to attain the level of expertise that I have in my profession. I am humbled to feel that I am appreciated by my boss and by the staffs that I was able to train and handle.

I have given more than what was expected. Most of the time I feel like that I was not recognized nor appreciated by our chief. I was not his favorite, but I still chose to work more and tried to exceed their expectations. I made sure to be available anytime regardless if I was sleeping or if I was spending my vacation somewhere else. I remember a time where I had to answer concerns while I was in a boat ride during an island hopping in Batangas. I remember answering concerns in the middle of the night while I was spending my birthday in another country. After my conversation with my staff, she said “Ma’am I am sorry that I forgot that you’re not here in the Philippines and it’s your birthday. Happy Birthday, ma’am.” I remember waking up to answer a text message at 3 in the morning then my staff would say that the problem was already fixed. Making it hard for me to get back to sleep. I always notify my staffs when I take medicines that will cause drowsiness so that if I do not get to respond within 10 minutes, they know that they should give me a call so that they can wake me up.

On the other hand, I felt sad that the meeting that I had with the whole department a while ago was my last. I will definitely miss both the hassles and hustles. My work has been my home for seven straight years. It was where I was honed professionally. It was where I was trained to be capable to whatever task will be given to me in the next chapter of my career when I leave for the states already. I felt their appreciation from all the work and efforts that I gave during my stay at the institution. Our doctor even talked to me and asked if I there would still be a chance of me changing my mind. But she also told me that she wishes the best for me.

I am an acclaimed workaholic. I cannot even imagine myself in the next coming weeks that I would turn my alarm off for good while waiting for my US Embassy interview in September. My work is the only thing that I accept that I really am good at. I gave more than a hundred percent of dedication to my chosen profession. No matter how tiring it was, no matter how hard it got, no matter how hard some situations were and no matter how I neglected rest, I am satisfied with how I performed as a competent Registered Medical Technologist at Manilamed.

I hope I can still be as dedicated to my work when I leave. I hope I can become a someone to a somebody someday. I hope people will get to be proud of who I can be in the future.

DGPS

[theorist-influencer-untitled]

6.19.24 Wednesday

7:15 am

Still,have windblow...

It is really crazy that the wifi is cut again that they returned it yesterday aftie... Bullshit! I wanna go live... But I told them if I have a work I will pay for it...

I'm thinking of money and job and how will I pay my creditz...

I feel frustrated that I wasn't able to go up on my own, to shine as my own...

Thinking of my cousin white, I feel bullshit! I hate being flatten since 2007....Supposed to be we can be youtuber a love for a cousin... But he is already married,bullshit!!

Did Mitch give me this simple battery???

I told Garret I will meet him in New York but how? Hating my cousin white for being married!

9:37 am

Garret or my cousin white who is my lucky charm??? Anyways, Ate Eden, our neighbour in-front of us, 2 blocks away.... She told me 25 minutes ago that she is fixing our internet connection, I just smiled and say thank you!

So,that I can go live to bullshit anyone or everyone...

I washed 10 John's floormats again... No stealer!!!!

9:43 am

Still, have windblow...

Seeing this particular video of Kate & Nate but my main point see Cecelia and Kristopher's love team coz they were/ are cute. I watched one particular video of Cecelia Bloomdahl where she shared her heart's content that she didn't want to hang-out again to that particular bar in Svlabard coz there were people who insulted her indirectly about her relationship with Kristopher. LOOK HERE! CECELIA & KRISTOPHER are cute together here,when they were in "Huskies Cafe".

Let people be happy if they are happy... Age is not a hindrance as well as their height...

9:51 am

Still,have windblow...

I have bitterish feeling coz I lost my charm on love team thingy.... I used to be spoiled whenever I had a bf it was like a cute thing for everyone to see me here but these days it is really bullshit for me!

I lost my spot, I lost my position, I lost my fakers old friends... I lost a crowd angels... I need new upper friends to pull me up but I'm glad to meet good soul along the way to assist me or to bond with me as genuine friends....

11:07 am

Ate Eden is ordering Ely & Jessie to transfer the camera on our gate side or they actually attached the CCTV on our gate...

12:30 noon

Still,have windblow...

I want this hair colour...

I want my cousin-white or Garret...

How to pay my creditz.... I want vanity....I'm so happy I got my retinol today....I bought some heat rash creams to put a remedy on my skin rash...It is just creditz but still an alternative to branded like Cetaphil or Cerave....

But I know it will be effective as well...But I need to maintain creams coz my skin is itchy and having this burning sensation. I have a sensitive skin...

I need to fix myself....I feel so ugly,fat and old... Hoping my retinol can remove my "deep smile lines"...

They remove me on the "work force"!!! I'm not guilty at all...

12:41 noon

I need to do general cleaning but I need an extra fan and to fix the larger split ac coz I have a "sweat rash".... I wanna do nose perfection and carreer and love life that I want....Where is my money,angels???

1:15 pm

Still,have windblow...

Yey! I got my "Beauche Kojic Soap" and Maya... But I still need Oatmeal soap or milder soap like Dove or Tender Care...

How to pay my creditz?

1:48 pm

Still,have windblow...

Ouchie ..Ouchie... See angels my discolaration and burning sensation...

Sweat Rash...

3:09 pm

Still,have windblow...

Ate Eden fixed our wifi and our old teacher in Immaculate Conception Academy...

It was so funny John accidentally went out and he snatched the bag of the wifi personnel... Hahah...

Hmm... I got the "Waffle Maker" I'm so happy... Still,waiting for the bottle mixer for the pancake fluffy! It is difficult to put the mixed liquid pancake on the waffle maker, if I don't have the bottle mixer... Plus, waiting for the Maple Syrup Sugar Free...Yey! It is all still credit... Moca2x wanted me to pay right away that I'm still waiting for my traininģ in Teleperformance.

I don't know how to pay for everything I got and loaned...

I will go live later,thinking where? Coz my phone is I guess, loaded of loan apps... I keep my on-line journal this "tumblr.com" ,my wesing, Pinterest, and my loan apps....I don't know if I can still reinstall the "Tagged".

3:44 pm

Yey!!!

I wasn't able to open my old account using my Facebook, so I make a 2nd account having the same information as O-Hime Sama 2!

Join me later angels... This is my google account on youtube...

I also want to have a "google assistant"... So,cool it is like "Lexa"...

5:35 pm

Still,have windblow...

Burning sensation at my nape and some parts of my back... Whew! Self-pitying...

Check this out, "Luggage lost on American Airlines flight to Burbank found in Homeless Encampment in Hollywood"?? Hahah?? Found in Western Sunset something...

Life is linking on words or on circumstances...

English ABC--can be in and on, ( in there is boundaries or enclosed vicinities and on somehow an open-space)... Fun!

5:58 pm

Another fake performance of Teleperformance Molino? I did a final interview already and then this Angel will do a final interview again? Hahaha Ohkay bring it on! Fakers FilipiNOSE!

Another smashing of me here in this Island of Cavite Filipinas FilipiNOSE! BRING IT ON!

I'm done with Sir Jay and waiting for training day!

Talk to her angels...

To be continued...