#I am SO SCARED OF FALIURE

[almost-an-arsonist]

Currently remembering the time that I watched a full one hour documentary on the dangers of lead for the sole purpose of starting an online argument on Stanley cups.

[mammonspeanut]

Hey guys, 

as you all may know I have been struggling mentally a lot lately and not just with my fiction but also with university. I just am not made out to study online, maybe I am just not made out to study at all... 

I don’t know what to do though .... I am just stressed... 

I need to take a break from this blog;blog; I am however still available to talk but everything is just so much... and I don’t know how to deal with it and it’s tapping into my biggest fears and I don’t know what to do or where to start. 

Stay safe, take care of yourselves.

-xoxo 

[viky2318]

Hi again, please give me suggestion because I'm slowly getting out of ideas and I want to understand what people likes to read. With that said, have an Alphys

Underground, True Lab

What a mess. She failed. Again. The monsters Alphys was supposed to help were now huge walking amalgamations, eternally condemned to suffer. The flower that was supposed to be the vessel disappeared. She didn't had the souls Asgore asked for, nor the people she promised to send home to their families. If someone discovered her horrible faliures, they would surely hate her forever. What was she supposed to do? If just she didn't injected all that DT, she would probably have the souls. But she got scared of failing in the wrong moment and exaggerated with the doses. There was no way back. A ring of her phone interrupted her thoughts. She carefully checked who it was, fearing for one of the families. Thankfully it was just Mettaton. She took a deep breath to calm herself and answered the call. "H-hello Mettaton! How are you d-doing?" She asked. Mettaton's voice on the other end of the phone sounded a little tired. "Really good, darling. Today I got even 763 spectators! It was kind of hard, but I did it". Alphys smiled. "O-oh! That's awesome! Sadly, today I c-couldn't see you: I was busy at the lab. But I am s-sure you did a wonderful performance!". Mettaton laughed quietly, muttering a 'obviously', then asked: "so, how are you doing? Did you finished my new body?". Here. That was the question Alphys was waiting for. Every time he called, they ended up discussing about his new body. Alphys was sure, the moment she would have finished that body Mettaton would have left her alone, probably forever. "Alphys? Are you still there?" The robot asked, not hearing anything. "Oh-uhm, yes! Yes, I'm still here. Your body you said? I-I'm so sorry, Mettaton. I'm having difficulties with the batteries. Y-you know, such a complicated machine needs way more e-energy than your actual form, s-so...". Mettaton sighed. Oh gosh. She disappointed him again. "Nevermind" he said. "Do your best, Doc. I can't wait to see your work finished! I'm sure it will be incredible". With that said, he ended the call. Alphys looked at the screen of her phone. On the background there was a photo of her with Undyne, eating noodles together. "She would hate me if she discovered what I am" Alphys thought. "I would probably hate myself too".

Yes sir, tragedy

[heliosthegriffin]

Jauney Appleseed

Cinder has Pyrrha pined beneath her heel, the girl struggling under her, but very weakly as she bleeds from dozens of different glass wounds. Cinder then grinds her glass heel into her, the sadistic glee and smug pride radiating off in waves could almost be felt.

“So much for the oh, so Invincible Girl,”

“Huh, haha”

“You know what my favorite part of this is?“

Pyrrha doesn’t even try to answer, tears welling up in her eyes from the pain and struggle to breath.

Cinder leans down to her. “How easy it was to kill-”

“HEY.” A shout echoed throughout the smoky night, Cinder paid it no mind and continued on. “HEY. HOT AND SEXY!“ The voice faded into the roar of the flames around her, as she took her time hurts the girl.

Only for pain to erupt through the side of her head.The force rocking her back a foot away from the sheer force of the impact.

“AGGH” Cinder cried, as what felt like a high-impact sniper rifle hit her in the temple.

Then another impact hit her in the stomach, making her involuntarily bend over. She felt glad skipped dinner now.

“BITCH, I AM TALKING TO YOU!” The voice roared out through the night. It sounded strangely familiar to her now, and dread creeping up her back.

She hesitantly looked up, and froze in terror.

There stood Jaune Arc in all his glory, tattered to all hell and back, armor dented, burned, and slashed. Half of his face was a bruised, and the other half on fire. Where a shirt should be on his stomach was just a giant burning stab wound that healed the longer she looked at it.

She looked into his eyes and say a disturbing mixture of love and hate for her, but what scared her most was in his hand, an apple.

Cinder felt across her head and it came back sticky and mushy, like applesauce.

Jaune Arc had hit her with an apple. Twice.

The smirk across his face was terrifying as it glowed white with his aura, the aura could be seen pulsing in time to his healing, the flames dying slow on him.

The apple glowed a blinding white, like a flashbang, then pain erupted into breast as another apple knocked her on her ass.

“You, think that’s bad?” The boy-, no the demigod said above her, when did he get in front of her? Why was the Nikos faliure wounds closing? What is even going on?!

“The nights just getting started!” Jaune roared, revealing an entire barrel of apples behind him.

“But, one thing first,“ Jaune said to Cinder as he grabbed an armful of apples. “How you like these apple?“

“Umm,”

“Too late, double apple attack!”

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AN: Don’t worry I like Cinder, she didn’t die. Just living as Jaune’s pain-slut.

[curlythenord]

How It Began

Hey, so this is new, and weird. But I have no one to talk to about this to without annoying them, and this is basically my new and only hobby. And I like it a lot. And most of us are stuck inside anyways so why not?

Skyrim is quite a few years old, so maybe some of you have wisdom to give. Or not, and you could just hear about my faliures/achievements and laugh. Either way, this feels therapeutic in nature, and puts two things I love together. Writing and... well, Skyrim.

So, three or four weeks into quarantine, and I was already pretty out of it. I didn’t have any solid hobbies to pick from and I was waiting on amazon book deliveries. Then, Jenna Marbles posted her video “A Tour of My House In Elder Scrolls Online” and I watched it and I really liked it. She mentioned how much she liked it many times before and something about the fantasy and quests just struck a cord in my bored little heart.

It’s like the attraction of Animal Crossing that a lot of us are having, except it’s with dragons and magic and swords. Both are still very valid.

That afternoon I downloaded Blades on my phone and played for literal hours. Something about swinging a sword and killing trolls and monsters really got to me. I wasn’t a fan of building the town and upgrading the blacksmithy but otherwise I enjoyed it. Then on Easter I kinda browsed through amazon, wondering if I could buy the game right now because of quarantine and all that. We have a ps4 at home, it’s my little brothers. I found a copy of the 2016 beautified version on Amazon, and then he went and found it on the playstation store for way less.

Soon enough I caved to my desires and I bought it. And I was immediately obssessed. I spent like an hour JUST creating my character. I wanted her face paint to be just right and her eye color was so hard to pick because I kept getting getting stuck between this hella striking blue and this really cool dark golden/hazel color. (I decided on golden) I chose Nord after debating about it for awhile, and i’m still not regretting the decision. She has really dark black hair and dope ass war paint on her eyes. I know Breton was probsbly the better choice but the Nord character hasn’t been an issue at all. I do always forget to use her war cry thougj. I think it’s because I can only use it once a day (in-game) so it makes me scared to use it. Even though days are just around 20-30 minutes long without fast travel.

Her name is Toril, which means “thunder”, and I know shes my avatar and everything but like... she’s so cool.

I chose the Warrior stone, because I genuinely just wanted to fuck shit up with a Sword. I always thought I was naturally super bad at console gaming becuase I tried playing COD before and I was terrible. Like really bad. Like propably shot myself more in the foot than I shot anyone else bad. But with Skyrim? I keep getting better each time I play. And my attack strategies are getting so much better.

My usual way to fight is a shield and a one-handed weapon. Two-handed is just too bulky and I like swords and the protection of shields. Also it just drains stamina so fast and I don’t like that. At this point I just carry Two handed weapons incase an opponent is Really hard to kill without it. I also do magic-wielding on left hand (usually restoration spells) and a one handed weapon on right. It’s prefect for combat with slow but really damaging enemies, like dragons or trolls that you can back away from.

Recently, I began dual wielding and it’s honestly so fun. I just hate how much damage I take when I do it against a group of bandits though, so I keep moving away to heal or take potions, but it’s such a fun strategy to use with dragons when they land or just against one opponent.

Anyway, the game is amazing, the characters are fun and weird and yea they’re fake but the storylines are so interesting. I decided to go with the imperial gaurd in the beginning, so I went to Riverwood, and then eventually took main residence at Whiterun. I was a little slow on joining the companions, so I used to just stay at the inn before I lived with them, but a couple days ago I saved up enough to buy the Breezehome. Both a good and bad idea because I still go back to Whiterun a lot, but my quests are now taking me farther and farther away and now I can’t really pop back in whenever I need to store an unneccesary weapon or some dragon bones.

I also hardly let myself fast travel because I really like the game for the exploring aspect. Even though the foxes have given me jumpscares multiple times with their guttural panting.

So yea. After maybe two weeks of playing I’m at level 20, and I’m guessing I’ve spent over 30 hours on the game. I play a little bit each day, but my sessions are usually 2-4 hours long and happen in the afternoon, and if I get on after my brother at 12 am i’ll usually play until 2 before I get too tired. I’ve only got like 13% done though, or at least only 13% of the achievements. My highest acheivement right now is doing alchemy though so I’m not doing great.

I’ve been focusing on the quest with Delphine and Esbern recently, and I’m at the point where I just spoke to the dragon master/teacher of the Greybeards, then spoke to Arngeir about going to Windhelm/Winterhold. I figured I might as well finally visit the college there because I wanted to improve some magicka skills without using my perks. It’s weird though, because as soon as I got back to Whiterun and then headed out to go to Windhelm, I got absolutely raided by dragon attacks.

First, one appeared outside of Whiterun, and me being the pussy I am (after getting my head bit off Multiple times) just shot arrows at it from a distance as the soldiers dealt with it, and then ran over when it was dead to absorb the soul. Then when I was past the farms and the guards tower next to Whiterun, another dragon appeared. I used the Whirlwind sprint to stay next to it’s wing to keep it from biting my damn head off, then used some restoration spells when it was in the air, and dual wielded (when I could attack it) with the Dawnbreaker and this enchanted sword I found at the Sky Haven Temple that deals extra damage when attacking dragons. Absorbed that soul and headed on up to the snowy mountainous area that was on the way to Windhelm.

After dealing with a couple asshole white bears and some whisps, I hear a dragon and absolutely lose it. Why was I suddenly getting bombarded?? I decided to sneak on this one, and got my bow and arrow out. Eventually I got close enough to see not one, but TWO goddamn dragons, before realizing it was Alduin raising one to life (and realized he was salty because I was trying to destroy him by getting the Elder Scroll). Eventually I managed to kill it, still using Whirlwind sprint, healing spells, and dual-wielding. Plus some potions too.

I had to try a couple times for each of these by the way. Even with the second dragon I kept forgetting to save once I was a mildly-annoying-distance-to-repeatedly-walk away from Whiterun, which sucked but it’s whatever. I learned my lesson though and started remembering to save.

I got to Windhelm, which was weird territory because it’s run by Stormcloaks, and had to physically restrain myself from pummeling this drunk guy while he talked down to a Dark Elf and accused her of being a spy because she wasn’t a Nord. Also sometimes guards that aren’t from Whiterun will call me a thief (I unnsuccesfully tried to help out the guy who told me about Esbern’s hideout back in Riften) and it’s a lil annoying because I try really hard to make my character a decently good person. Sucks though because one of the achievements is joining the Thieves Guild and though I don’t necessarily want to do that, I’m gonna eventually unless I create a new character, which I don’t wanna do yet because I like mine too much.

Anyways this is already really long. I’m making another post to talk about my current opinion on choosing between Imperials and the Stormcloaks. If you have any tips, or questions, comment them! Or send me an anon, either is fine. I could literally rave about Skyrim for hours, as you have probably seen. Thanks for reading!

[birkinsmith]

Tomorrow I will be 30.

I didn't think id live this long (I thought I’d die at 14. That seemed like half a life to me)

My Mum gave birth to me round about this time in her life. Her first kid was when she was 17 with a 27 year old (who was also my Dad)

If I’m 100% honest as to why I’ve done nothing with my life, I’ve been really, really scared of faliure or being depended on for even the slightest thing. I’ve got a half decent Resident Evil fic under the name of something along the line of ‘Doctor Giidchilde’ that I got scared to continue because of expectancy....I started writing the fic in 2015 (my Dad died in 2014, seeing the 14 turn up so critically?) with a complete intention to finish but ass I’ve said before, I cowed out...

I’m filled with fear for life for a good reason. Every time i had my hopes up for even a second, something tragic has happened to kick me right back down into my pool of self-pity. And i am only self-pity now.

[crispybluecrisp]

Tagged by @fantastiskavidunder

RULES: tag 20 of your followers you wanna know better.

Nicknames: HQ, HQ-pyon, King, HanKing, but my favorite is probably Robert (those are all old ones)

Starsign: Scorpio

Height: Apparently “barely” 164 cm

Time right now: 17:06

Last thing I googled:  Rain night (Yeah, I was looking for a new header image)

Fave music artist: Dunno, I am quite ignorant of that world and for that I apologize. I just listen to whatever I think is good

Song stuck in my head: None as of right now

Last movie I watched: Bridget Jones’ baby (leave me alone, it’s a free country)

Last TV show I watched: How I met your mother, unless you count anime which would make it Hyouka or Akatsuki no Yona

What I’m wearing right now: A grey hoodie and black tights

When I created this blog: I was 13 or 12, I think

The kind of stuff I post: Whatever that I find appealing 

Do I have other blogs: No

Do I get asks regularly: No, will you stop rubbing my loneliness in my face?

Why did I choose my URL: My last one was created during my possible worst years, so I changed into something as truthful as possible. 

Gender: Female

Hogwarts House: Hufflepuff, but because I have been sorted into Ravenclaw several (like half of the) times and likes the idea of being wise, imao Ravenpuff

Pokemon team: Team Valor

Fave colours: Blue? Green? Grey? Black? Nah, blue or green.

Average hours of sleep: Four, yes, I know I am a faliure

Lucky number: 5, just because

Favourite characters: I refuse to pick one

Number of blankets I sleep with: One, two on rare occasion

Dream job: I have an idea, but how do i know without trying them out?

Following: 64

Thank you for tagging me @fantastiskavidunder Even though this is probably quite overdue.

But I am scared to tag others, so I will leave it.

[nothowitsupposedtobe]

So to make things clear

I was at the end in school... like... i was just done. Then I left school and for a week or so I nearly killed myself because my mom was nothing but angry and disappointed with me and we didnt talk and she wasnt home. After that three months or so of pure anxiety took over. I didnt know what to do and was so scared to do new things. talk to people but it was kind of okay at the same time. It was not school anymore. Then I found my job at the escape room and I had panic and axiety attacks on if this job will even fit to me. If it will be good or if I just will be disappointed by it because of myself. It wasnt. I started online school. I fucked up. Not really but let myself down. I got a B? I wanted an A! There were such dump things I wrote I couldnt explain to myself. I am not dump. But I just wrote dump things. That gave me so much faliure anxiety and I did fail. I thought I'd build a bed so I could be productive again. I didnt. I started to hate my job with most of the people in it. I quit. I have two months to find another job. I constantly disappoint my mother by not doing anything around the house because I have no energy. I have no future I am looking forward to. Nothing I want to do. Nothing. I have no plan. I am just atvthe end. Nothing I want to do. I just want everything to stop. Do I want to kill myself? No. Do I want to die? Yes.

[mindfulness-and-blueberries]

Failure is so often seen as something negative and demotivating. We let it destroy us and break us down, sometimes to the point of being to afraid to try new things or fully be ourselves because we’re scared that we won’t achieve what we want, or live up to societies high standards. What we don’t realize is that failure is not only a good thing but sometimes also necessary. It provides the lessons we need in order to grow, become better and stronger. It is essentially the foundation of success. I always talk about positive mind - positive life; What that means is that with our mindset, we have the power to create any situation and change it for the better. If we learn to see failure as something positive, something from which we grow, so much positive can happen and you open so much space for self discovery. Know that faliure doesn’t define you. It should rather shape you into becoming even more hard working, persistent, and optimistic. From failure we can learn the most important lessons. Remember - I am not what has happened to me. I am what I choose to become -

[gr3ykn1ght42]

Remembering Restless Nights

I can still remember the countless nights where inwould lie awake umable to sleep so in love with you and your presence. I held you and wanted to protect you from everything. I let you get closer to me than i thought was possible... you knew me better than myself. I fell in love with you; a head over heels plummet into this pool of un ending love and desire and passion. The kind of love you only dream about and see in movies, the kind of love people spend their entire lifetime searching for, and i had it... with you id like to believe i florished, amd id like to believe that with me you florished as well. The amount of times id run after you fighting for you, desperate to never lose sight of you never lose you... I guess it got to me that thats what u wanted... to not be with me, that maybe you didnt love me, or i wasn't good enough or i couldnt make you happy. Thats why i had so much troubke speaking, because i was so desperately in love with youni was afraid to ask those questions. I was so desperately afraid to lose you. Im still crying; like not as much as i used to, but only because ive gotten better at hiding it, better ar distracting myself. Maybe part of what im trying to say is whenever i try to confront my fears and questions and feelings so i can move on i shatter and fall apart. Its been over 7 months. You're going to europe in a few and you've said u never want to see me again. Youve got me blocked in eveey way except on the phone but how am i supposed to tell the love of my life who doesn't want to see me again how i feel, or how much i miss her or anything. Im better than i was, im not trying to kill myself anymore, but i know i have the capacity too now and it hangs over me like a dark cloud. The weight of knowing what you are capable of is crushing. ....like the only chance i have is a hope youve told me to get rid of but its the only thing thats keeping me going. You remember how i was after we broke up when u came over to get your stuff, how torn up i was physically and emotionally and mentally. I ripped my heart out and you said u didn't recognize me. Well ofc you didn't i had literally out you first ofpver me and i ruined my life for you, and i could deal with the pain so i cut, amything to distract myself from the crushing emptyness within me. You seemed to ready to move on, almost eager. Like i was nothing but a deadweight. Funny tho the _only_ thing thats kept me from cutting sfter you round me after i tried to kill myself because of how seeing how much you where hurting from what i was doing to myself. All i was thinking was i wass a disappointment to my family, a faliure st work and in love and i had done nithing but hurt those i cared the most for namely you. And i wasn't as strong as i thought i was, i couldnt handle not being with you, i couldn't handle being hapoy for you and being happy thst i did the right thing for you. So it was a win-win-win... i stop hurting my family, i stop hurting you and you could move on for good, amd the psin would finally stop, the agony and suffering would go away and there would be nothing. For so long i had been scared of dying, scared of the unknown and of heaven and not existing anymore, scared of eveything that has scared humanity abput death since the beginning of time but all that went away. I accepted it and i dove head first down the rabbit hole, believing that i could finally find peace and end everyones suffering, yours and mine. Seeing you react to post attempt me was shocking. Tbh it made me think you might still love me, that maybe in the future fate will smile on us again. So now i wrestle with two immense trains of thought: Do i believe in the slimmest of all hopes and by slim i mean delusional nonexistence. Or do i believe that i have no chance to ever win back her hearr no matter how hard i try and that life is just going to be a cruel struggle to act like everythings okay and distract myself from the crushing truth of my heart. I can't write anymore tonight. Its getting too much. And this wont get me any sympathizers or anyone to help me try and sort out my head anyway. I guess i want you to find this one day. Last will amd testament or maybe a friend tells you about it if im nesr life or death on a hospital bed after giving up for the last time or some nasty accident. Or maybe all the manner of things. I love you with my everything. You are still my everything, even tho i am your nothing. I would gladly cease to exist if i knew it would end all of our pain and ipthst it would make u happy. You cant move on from soul mates. So maybe i wasn't yours. But you are mine