#I always scream this line when it comes on in my devotional playlist

[god-blog]

Mother, make me, make me a

BIRD OF PREY

[bodycountgame]

The way I, and i think lots of others, would devour your Hozier essay like please spare us some crumbs i beg (also Vinh my beloved......when I say that song choice has ruined me.. your mind thank you)

hahaha okay this been so hotly requested but i am incapable of coherent thoughts so please enjoy these rambling thoughts that i jotted down in the notes app while on the bus!

i feel like there is more to be said but also bus journeys are finite so i'm just doing what i can with the time i have lol. what are your thoughts??? please share with the class i Know you have opinions and i wanna hear em!

adegoke: movement

so adegoke's character playlist actually has a different hozier song on it (from eden) which i always imagined to be more from MC's perspective. 

for adegoke, i love the idea of romance like the push and pull of the ocean currents, waves meeting and breaking, a rhythm. and movement just gives me that, i guess! adegoke is also a deeply creative person and movement really gives the vibe of the lover as an inspiration, a muse, which i think would be something that he would totally relate to. as a writer, love is at the core of his work - even when it isn't the subject it is what he finds grounding. 

adegoke also loves to dance (and is an excellent dancer) so that particular expression feels so appropriate. 

arthur: angel of small death and the codeine scene 

this one is quite literal, i guess - arthur is a mean little weasel and it can be a challenge to find the sweetness in him. i think arthur defaults to an "i can make them worse" approach to romance which i think this sort of speaks to.

also his family are terrible and he often feels like a bit of a stray, i think. 

atticus: NFWMB

this one has been pulled straight from his character playlist because its just So ???????? musically it just reminds me of him but i know nothing about music so i have no idea how to articulate it - the sort of unassuming and almost casual vibe contrasted with the utter devotion in the lyrics. the emotional intensity comes from the lack of fanfare, you know?

also like. atticus loves a hair pull, sort of sexy possessive vibes and a rhetorical question so the "ain't you my baby" really hits on that level as well lmaooo 

avery: it will come back

this is another one that is already on avery's character playlist hahaha what can i say i'm a hozier bitch!

this choice is really about avery's complicated relationship with softness and intimacy, especially in a romance with MC which is Forbidden when she places such an emphasis on her professionalism. the way that she partitions different parts of her life is something of a defense for her after her difficult experiences in medicine - she's learned the hard way, she knows better, and yet she just can't help herself. i always think of avery's romance as being like a dam bursting; there's nothing for a long time until a little crack forms and then the dam breaks and everything falls apart. once she has a taste she can't be satiated, which i think this song speaks to. 

charlie - sunlight

he just can't keep away, even knowing how totally disastrous it will probably be for him, but he continues on gladly because he thinks that being that close to the sun will feel worth it even after it's burned him. he's 'death trap clad happily'. 

ellis - almost (sweet music) 

i did a deep dive into ellis' who playlist on patreon way back when and (surprise surprise) this was one of the songs that features on their playlist. this was actually one that i didn't say too much about because its just a bop, you know??? there's the lyrics about their foolish heart, but otherwise this song just screams ellis at me and i never really know why its just a warm fuzzy good vibe and that's them all over. 

florrie - take me to church 

a song thats an endictment of catholicism And fucking???? all the ingredients to make up a solid florrie song. there are a few lines that give me big florrie energy (she's the giggle at the funeral / knows everybody's disapproval / my lover's the sunlight / get something shiny) but in general i imagine florrie would fare well being worshipped, i think that's a great dynamic for her, so this is reflective of that. 

griffin - someone new 

i don't think this one really needs much explanation - griffin falls fast and hard and often. he's my romeo, and every bit as naive.

beyond that, i do think that griff is someone who doesn't believe there's a Right Way to go about things and he's quite happy to muddle through life and always seems to land on his feet - a great person to help someone really uptight unwind hahaha 

imogen - my love will never die 

of all the characters, imogen is the one who is most likely to get on her knees and beg someone to love her. 

also she loves flowers 💐 

nyra - to be alone 

this one is also pretty literal lmao i am many things but i am Not a deep thinker. she doesn't love crowds, and i think the thing that nyra would value most in a partner is having someone that she can be alone with, if that makes sense? one of those special people that you can hang out with and still have the regenerative effect of alone time. 

when we meet nyra in body count she's in the midst of a really hard time in her life - we're at a real low point for her. she doesn't really feel like a person, she feels like a zombie dragging herself from one day to the next. she needs to work through that on her own (falling in love doesn't Magically Fix People), but i think that her relationship with MC would give her a few little sparking reminders to help guide her on her way. 

rowan - jackie and wilson 

again soz this is on her character playlist hahaha! this is an absolute rowan anthem for me - she is my roman candle of the wild. i mean obviously this song is so fun and that is Very Rowan, but the "better yet, she wouldn't care" particularly speaks to me. rowan is very much someone who can meet people where they're at with grace and understanding and help to build them up. 

syd - work song 

syd was the hardest person to match a song with, weirdly, but it was the second verse that really cinched it (and I was burnin' up a fever / i didn't care much how long i lived / but i swear i thought i dreamed her / she never asked me once about the wrong i did). syd is a hard person to Date because they are a fuck up! they don't always get things right or know the right things to say or make the right gesture. that said, if someone can work through the initial challenges with them, they would be rewarded with endless devotion (albeit expressed in their own funny little way). 

vinh - in a week 

lying down and dying together in a field to be eaten by animals is peak romance to vinh lmao. in general, i think once they find Their Person it will be someone that they can feel at home and happy with regardless of the situation, and there isn't much that they wouldn't be willing to endure as long as they had that. 

[carpetbug]

tell me ab your bug and cat playlist!!!! (this is my main I’m zodoods dhsjvdsjj)

HI ZO 💕!! THANK U FOR INDULGING MY SILLY LITTLE SONG LISTS! i’ll give you a song or two from a couple <3

Chat Noir

Break (Alex G) - oh my god it just screams his sacrificial tendencies paired with his love for ladybug. obsessed with this song for him. I also see these sort of reflections? of other sides of him in this song? “I could disappear, if this is what makes you feel so real” cat walker out the fucking wazoo hello! “In my head I see bright lights… I think I’m feeling it now just like you did” “And I’ll break for you baby cause you make it feel so good” CHAT BLANC HELLOOOOOO!! anyways i’m super normal about this song and totally don’t have any plans to animate anything to this 👁️

Ladybug

happy news for sadness (Car Seat Headrest) - i see this song fitting both LB and mari! the obvious line being “You can never tell the truth but you can tell something that sounds like it” relating to how deeply she values honesty and truth, but ends up having to lie and hide things from almost all the people in her life. “Everytime I think about love, I think about me thinking about you … Everytime I think about love, I think about you thinking about me” sorry this is just so fucking ladynoir? thinking about you as in thinking about adrien, this boy i’ve devoted myself to loving, but when i think about love I also think about you, chat noir, thinking about me, ladybug, the girl you’re so openly in love with. how can those both be love when they’re so different? how can they both be the truth? are they even?

Marinette

Gambling Addiction (Leanna Firestone) - i’m so insane bonkers crazy for this song ITS SO GOOD GO LISTEN TO ALL OF LEANNAS MUSIC anyways. how marinette falls quite literally head over heels when she’s in love! but she ultimately feels like she’s always playing a losing game! I also love the whole concept of marinette being both luck as ladybug and unlucky as herself with always saying the wrong thing, falling over, etc. “I wanna be pulling lucky numbers and praying to lucky stars, finding four leaf clovers and counting all my cards but i’m walking under ladders, seeing black cats, spilling table salt, and stepping on every crack” “so i’m crossing all my fingers, i’m pressing all my luck cause I know misfortune just won’t be enough to keep me from betting it all on love again”

Adrien

TV (Alex G) - adrien’s relationship with his parents! especially with emelie just sort of being gone? and he never gets to have that closure? ESPECIALLY WITH HER BEING AN ACTRESS?? AND GABRIEL NOT LETTING ADRIEN WATCH HER ROLES?? “I get feelings from the TV, they can’t hurt me, they don’t know me” “He gets lonely, he forgets me and he bought us a TV cause you don’t come around anymore” IDK GUYS I CANT PUT IT INTO FUNCTIONAL WORDS BUT DO U SEE THE VISION??

Chat Blanc

The Wolf (Fever Ray) - i love this song for chat blanc so much! (here is a drawing i did with lyrics from it!) I just am so obsessed with the vibe and tone, how deep and echoey it is, but with the intermittent hollers! it gives a very specific feeling, I love it. “And it’s poison in his blood. Big fire, big burn, into the ashes and no return” just like a perfect reference to everyone being turned into literal ash! it works so well with the chaotic, destructive nature of blanc.

Shadybug

DICTATOR (REI AMI) - i think the general vibe of the song is so fitting for her! especially the really direct transition to a much softer and emotional tune/lyrics! RAAAA it’s just so telling of how she makes shadybug into this terrifying powerful figure that can and will hurt anyone in her way when she’s just marinette, this lonely teenager with one too many problems and a shitty/dangerous coping mechanism! “I am not your queen, i’m your dictator. bend the fucking knee, yeah bitch, that was an order! what you say to me, huh? bitch speak louder! you know i reign supreme” it’s just screams shadybug to me. also hehehehe reign supreme get it

Adrinette

Romeo & Juliet (Peter McPoland) - okay imma be so fr this one makes me feel a little too silly in the heart so i unfortunately do not have the words to explain but please imagine and chew on these lyrics “I’d say “oh I love you” to my Juliet, if you only knew, i’d kill for you, i am for you, i am just who you need me to be” “i hope you mean it when you say that I am yours and you are mine”

I Love You Too (Peter McPoland) - i’m a sucker for this man’s music he makes some bangers but yeah this song it just screams adrinette to me. especially post season five, seeing them get to explore starting a relationship together and navigate their own love!! also just really shows how devoted adrien is to loving marinette, how he holds her to no expectations, values her comfort and happiness above all else during their interactions LIKE GOD HE LOVES HER SO MUCH HES WILLING TO SIT AND WAIT AND LOVE HER IN SILENCE UNTIL SHES READY FOR IT TO BE AS LOUD AS IT FEELS!! IDK!! “i love you too, too much to say” “i love your hands held close to mine, the way that our fingers all intertwine”

Ladynoir

Best Song Ever (One Direction) - guys. do i even have to explain. it is so chat flirting with ladybug. it is so entirely season one ladynoir. “maybe it’s the way she walked straight into my heart and stole it” “I said “can i take you home with me?” she said “never in your wildest dreams””

Shameless (Camila Cabello) - some fun ladynoir reveal brain food! lb getting fed up with identities clogging her emotions and deciding to throw it aside and let chat make the decision himself “it’s been a secret for the longest time” “now that you have me, do you want me still?”

Marichat

HandClap (Fitz and The Tantrums) - ok it’s honestly just the part “Every night when the stars come out, am I the only living soul around? Need to believe you could hold me down cause I’m in need of something good right now” BUT HEAR ME OUT!! Marinette and Chat seeking each other out when they need comfort, someone to vent to. Finding each other, making this connection and this safe space with so much warmth and care between them that it grows from just mutual support to adoration. I need something good right now, I need you.

Vampire Empire (Big Thief) - tbh i’m not like 100% sure what about this song is so entirely marichat to me but. it is. More angsty, it makes me think of marinette and chat trying to foster a romance between them but it just tasting… stale? like a dead plant drowning from being overwatered. “the milk has just expired, all the leaves are dead. I’m not quiet, you’ve been quiet, just receiving what you said.” They do want each other, and there’s such intense love between them, but it just always feels like they’re going about it the wrong way. “Where you can’t seem to hold me, can’t seem to let me go, so I can’t find surrender, and I can’t keep control”

Ladrien

Sports (Beach Bunny) - Ladybug getting to explore Adrien’s hobbies with him as they get close! spending her time with him, learning any new skill he’s willing to teach just to make him happy “if you feel lonely, I could be lonely with you! Tell me baby, why do you seem so blue?” but eventually kind of getting tired of playing these games around their feelings and just wanting to be with him outside of these activities “I’m tired of waiting, I was never good at sports. Save the games for the girls on the tennis courts”

We’ll Never Have Sex (Leith Ross) - THE SOFTNESS!! THE GENTLENESS!! THE CARE AND COMPASSION AND LOVE AND SIMPLICTY! “If I said you could never touch me, you’d come over and say I looked lovely” ITS JUST SO THEM!! Adrien respecting these boundaries, listening to his lady, caring for and loving her regardless of what form it comes in. “Oh you kissed me, just to kiss me, not to make me cry. It’s was simple, you are sweetness, let’s just sit a while”

[the-leader-in-blue]

Ooc//songs that remind me of the gang, but it’s literally all mitski

Real men by mitski: this is on the jay playlist and it is honestly devastating,jay ,being not cisgender is personal to me,the song isnt explicity written about trans pople,but many people interpret it that way,and some of the lyrics really fit his development, like “Real men keep cool in the face of a fire,Go down with the ship” and his devotion to his ‘ship’ the people he cares for,and even to his own detriment

Wife by mitski: can you tell i like mitski yet? Well this song makes me feel an unprepared emotion,and it is so orpheus,spicifcly how she talks about leo,the tidal may be deceiving as it can viewed as romantic,but not in this context,it shows orpheus almost co dependence on the positive attention from leo. Even in the first verse it shows the safety he feels “You're home, you're home, you're home to me” to her,leo is the closest thing to a home he has,not a place but a person,and without him,she feels almost lost. “For if I am not yours, what am I?” is in the next verse,that feeling of loss of identity without someone else,she cares for leo,and feels like if she isnt with him,helping him,why should she stay anywhere?

Brand new city by mitski: Yes lush is my favorite mitski album,what about it. I feel like this fits a lot with leo, and the weight of feeling emotions,the first line sets the sorrowful,but tense mood. “Honey,whatd you take?” sounds like someone pleading,begging to find a way to help someone. Even the first verse continues the mood. “Think my brain is rotting in places,I think my heart is ready to die” with all of the trauma hes gone through,it is destorying him from the inside,all the burdens are ripping him apart. And the chorus continues the pleading. “Honey, what'd you take?What'd you take? Honey, look at me,Tell me what you took, what'd you take?” it goes back to the intro,its like an exchange , someone dying and the one hwo loves them the most.  And the bridge even keeps the feeling of someone loosing themselves,rotting . “But if I gave up on being pretty, I wouldn't know how to be alive ,I should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die” shows leos twisted veiw on his own death,hes faced death since he was young,and he witnessed the people he cares for walk the tightrope,and some fall and he witnessed it all.

Once more to see you by mitski: much like wife ,this song represents orpheus and his relationship with leo,and how it effects his perception of himself. In the second part of the verse, “But with everybody watching us,Our every move,We do have reputations” . Both of them are leaders,in different ways,but those around them look up to both of them,and together they have to dance around mistakes,everyone sees them,and how their actions effect others. As the chorus begins,she sings “So come inside and be with me,Alone with me,Alone with me,Alone” Even alone,when its them,alone they still care for eachother,and the comfort they provide eachother, and it continues. “If you would let me give you pinky promise kisses,Then I wouldn't have to scream your name Atop of every roof in the city of my heart”And even when orpheus is alone,he still feels drawn to leo,the love she feels is always with her,even with the threat of him leaving and never coming back,she will always love him.

A burning hill by mitski: wow another mitski song. Anyways this represents jays downfall,the sudden wave of emotions of all that has happened,and as the first verse starts,the sorrow is evident.

 “Today, I will wear my white button-down,I'm tired of wanting more, I think I'm finally worn” hes tired,hes tired of all the pressure and pain of his life,hes lived too long ,hes so young yet experienced thousands of lifetimes. And it continues “And I've been a forest fire,I am a forest fire,And I am the fire and I am the forest, and I am a witness watching it,I stand in a valley watching it” he has caused so much pain, he has witnessed people’s lives be ripped away in the blink of an eye,and he has been the one to pull the trigger,but he has been on the other end of the barel,he has survived,but why? Why him and not others?

Why didn’t you stop me by mitski:Leo has to grive , Orpheus is gone,taken by the lonley and lost in the sauce. The opening line is Orpheus,speaking to no one “I know that I ended it,why don’t you chase after me? You know me better than I do,so why didn’t you stop me?” She knows no one will hear but she’s asking,why will she always be alone,she’s not wanted enough to be chased after,why? And as it continues it shifts to Leo,his reaction to the loss “I look for a picture of you to keep in my pocket,but I can’t seem to find one where you look how I remember” Orpheus is still anonymous,they’ve never seen her face,he’s seen sword lily,he’s seen his brothers,but orhpes has no face to the name,and as it continues,he proves Orpheus wrong,she is wanted. “Look how I remeber,look how I remeber” he remembers Orpheus,she is not someone to be discarded,he hasn’t forgotten her,he just can’t find her

evil -🦭🦭🦭

ooc\\ holy damn

on a different note sorry for not answering asks lol ive been busy and also sick

[the-pale-goddess]

Hii 😍

If your MC / OC could be any song or any movie what would it be and why?

You have no idea how excited I was when I saw your notification! Real life is stealing all my time and energy, so I’m rarely here these days, but I couldn’t resist taking a moment to answer this ask 🫶🏻

Tiffany is Mariners Apartment Complex by Lana Del Rey & Misunderstood by BANKS ✨

Here’s some explanation! I can’t shut up, sorry ksbksbsksb

The entire song just screams Tiffany! Almost every line describes her power and complexity. She’s both exceptionally strong and incredibly gentle, understanding yet challenging, sweet and caring yet stubborn and wild. Also, that 1970s-style rock ballad vibe is perfect for my girl.

Let me quote some of the most fitting lyrics:

Pretty much self-explanatory. She’s that girl ✨ The power that she has, the influence that she has!

Your die-hard, your weakness

Maybe I could save you from your sins

My Virgo queen is completely devoted to her loved ones, always ready to fix stuff for them, to sacrifice herself in order to save them. I also see the first line as a nod to Ethan since she’s his biggest weakness 🥰

Kindness is her default mode—some people see it as a flaw, but it’s quite the opposite.

Then we have Book 1 flashbacks…👀 Little Miss Self-Reliant is also human and (much to her frustration kbsksbksb) cannot avoid making mistakes just like everyone else. Sometimes those impossibly high standards she sets for herself are a bit too overwhelming, sometimes life and people can be cruel and there’s not much she can do to improve the situation or make a good choice. And that’s normal, and completely fine to fuck up sometimes—the conclusion she’s learned to embrace quite recently. But after all these years of chasing perfection, the word ‚failure’ still doesn’t have a place in her dictionary and she’ll always strive to accomplish her mission anyway. She always means well and gives her all no matter what she does.

Her energy brings comfort and peace, it’s powerful and soothing. She’s always free of judgement and full of empathy and wisdom. The most supportive and protective partner for life. Safe haven. The lighthouse guiding through the toughest storms. Home.

T’s focused on being unashamedly herself, thriving against all odds and minding her business while doing what (and who) she loves 💅🏻 Many people assume that she’s just a brainless beauty, but as soon as she opens her mouth they’re proven wrong. She outsmarts everyone in a flash and works harder than anyone, that’s why she may come off as intimidating at first. Damaging stereotypes and unsolicited opinions can never shake her spirit though. Yet just another Virgo thing ksbksbskbs

I may or may not have a playlist filled with songs that relate to Tiffany and her life 👀 But these two capture her personality and aura best, I think!

Now…Choosing a movie is a much harder task, thinking of the one that fits Tiff best is keeping me up at night kdbkdbdkb 😅 But I’ll find it!

Thank you for sending the most thoughtful and creative asks, inspiring the fandom and giving us a reason to smile, loveliest P, you’re such a sweetheart ❤️❤️❤️ I promise to get back to your previous asks as soon as my schedule allows me to spend more time on catching up with everything I miss here on tumbroke. Hope that you’re doing amazing! I’m sending you lots of love 🥰

[something-tofightfor]

Still Chasing For That Feeling - Writers’ Iron Chef #5

Pairing: Joel Miller and a couple people. (previous female relationships, female Reader from Just Too Good To Be Gone universe)

Word Count: 2,083

Rating: M. It’s very angsty.  **There are some TLOU/TLOU2 game spoilers in here so be very careful about what you read.**

Summary:  Joel Miller is no stranger to loss and abandonment - he’s had 30 years to come to terms with it. 

Prompt:   

Song lyrics from Jacob Banks’ “Devil That I Know”

“And oh, what a way to die, Standing eye to eye, Pretending we’re alive as we grow colder

And oh, the devil that I know, Is better than the devil that I don’t”

Author’s notes:

This is based on this prompt from the weekly Writers’ Iron Chef event that @littleferal created.

This SCREAMED Joel to me - and even though the song breaks my rule of ‘nothing released after 2013 for Joel’s playlist’ I decided to use it for the prompt event. 

This is really different from what I’ve been doing for the Writers’ Iron Chef pieces, and really different than the other Joel I’ve written, so I hope you still enjoy. This focuses more on the overall tone and theme of the song and doesn’t feature the actual lyrics anywhere.

Many, many thanks to @the-blind-assassin-12​ for reading this before I post it and encouraging me to do so. 

It could have used a ton more editing and time, but OH WELL IT IS WHAT IT IS.

Just Too Good To Be Gone Masterlist

When he met Nadine, he was a wide-eyed Sophomore in high school and she was a Junior, pretty and popular. Inseparable from almost their first encounter, everyone assumed that the two of them would end up married and living the All-American dream. But when the relationship resulted in a pregnancy when she was 18 and Joel was 17? Things changed. He loved her unconditionally, and even though he was terrified, he promised to be there in whatever way she needed him. 

And for a while, it was enough. The two of them made it through the pregnancy with the help of their families and the support of everyone close to them. Sarah’s birth was a happy occasion, and they settled into the routine of being new parents with relative ease. Despite everything that came with it, they managed to enjoy their final teenage years with their daughter. He was happy - deliriously so, and he thought she was, too. 

But when she left? It broke him in a way that he hadn’t expected. It wasn’t fast or slow, and looking back, there were definite signs … but he’d chosen to ignore them. He was 21 and she was 23, the woman’s excuse that she was too young to settle down, that she couldn’t be a mother in the way Sarah needed her to be… and so she left, skipping town and leaving Joel and everyone else to care for the toddler. 

It was hard at first, Joel’s feelings fluctuating between resignation and determination, and even though the girl was a dead ringer for her mother as she aged, it never bothered him in the way that he’d thought it would. Instead it reminded him of all the things he’d loved about the woman, and how thankful he was to have the chance to raise Sarah. 

And even though he dated, he used Nadine leaving as a reason to close himself off somewhat, devoting his time and energy to Sarah and giving her the life she deserved. He always tried to keep the lines of communication open - sending pictures and updates through Nadine’s family and giving her the chance to ask about their daughter … but she didn’t. 

But then, a few years later, she did reach out, telling Joel to stop, that she wanted nothing to do with either of them … and that was all it took. It was like a switch flipped for him - the woman’s final abandonment a reminder that Joel didn’t need anyone but Sarah to complete his life. If it happened, it happened, but he stopped looking, and he stopped trying to include the girl’s mother.

It was easier to focus on his daughter and building a life for them than to wonder what could happen if someone was by his side, or if Nadine would ever decide to return … and the two of them were perfectly happy for years … until everything changed.  

After the Cordyceps outbreak, Joel’s outlook on life shifted again. 

He was still focused on survival, but it wasn’t in the same way that he had been before. There was no point in worrying about lasting relationships, no point in truly getting to know people. He and Tommy lived their lives hours at a time, only worrying about the days as they came. 

He - like everyone else - found ways to occupy his time in the years that followed, a series of encounters with women as they moved across the country dulling the loneliness that he felt inside and keeping him from going off the deep end. Well… anymore than was necessary, at least. Because as the time passed and he and Tommy spent longer living as wanderers … Joel’s demeanor changed, too. 

So when the Millers made it to Kentucky and decided to stay for a little longer than usual, he was surprised that he caught the attention of a woman named Hannah - and that she was willing to put up with him for longer than a few hours at a time. 

In the months they spent living in the same small community, Joel and Hannah became friends, something that the man hadn’t thought possible. Friends turned into more, the two of them sleeping together occasionally because it was easy, but that didn’t mean he told her everything. Instead, they kept things mostly surface level and impersonal. She knew about Sarah, and he knew about her ex, the man that she’d lost only six months into the new life that they’d been forced to live … but nothing beyond that that didn’t directly relate to survival.

Details implied intimacy, and Joel was in no hurry to get attached. Because like all things, Kentucky was meant to be temporary, a short respite before continuing East and to a place that Tommy had chosen - Boston, to meet with a group known as the Fireflies. 

But as the date of their departure drew nearer, Joel realized that Hannah was treating him differently, and so he pulled back, wanting there to be no confusion as to where he stood. I’m not staying, he’d told her. You can come with us to Boston, but that doesn’t mean this is anything more than what it is. It wasn’t that he didn’t like her or care about her - instead it was that he knew that if he let himself, it would end badly - just like with Nadine and Sarah. 

It caused arguments, and Joel felt the situations slipping through his fingers as the days passed. He’d put an end to their physical relationship when she became more adamant that they were something, but he refused to abandon her - refused to pretend like he didn’t care what happened. That caused more problems, the woman accusing him of being half in and half out. But that’s the thing, he’d said, a frown on his lips. I was never all the way in. This is how it’s always been. 

It was for her protection as much as his; he could focus on what he needed to focus on without letting emotions cloud his judgment the way they had when Nadine left and when he was trying to  get himself and Sarah and Tommy out of Austin. Worrying about himself first and foremost - and then the people around him was the only way he knew how to live … and if she didn’t get that, he couldn’t force her to understand.

In the weeks that led to his and Tommy’s departure, Joel attempted to make amends so that they didn’t part on bad terms, but Hannah wanted nothing to do with it, and refused to speak to him. 

And Joel realized that it didn’t bother him as much as it should have. When he woke up and found that she’d left the camp in the middle of the night without saying goodbye, it only reaffirmed that his decision had been right: getting close to anyone only resulted in eventually having to say goodbye, and she was the third woman that had proved that. 

But then… then there was Tess - a firecracker of a woman that had terrified Joel when they’d first met. Why? That meeting took place with Joel staring up at her from flat on his ass, the woman’s defiant eyes the only thing he could focus on. There was a gun pointed at him by her partner, and she wouldn’t have hesitated telling him to pull the trigger without asking questions.  Later on, Joel realized just how lucky he was that she hadn’t. 

But their friendship formed quickly, the woman herself being the one to set the parameters, and Joel was thankful for that. Boston was dangerous in a way that being on the road hadn’t ever been, but with Tess to show him and Tommy the ropes, they acclimated in no time. 

They didn’t sleep together until almost two years after they met, and even then it was only to scratch an itch - an experiment that both of them were interested in participating in - and continuing. It was great between them and the sex very quickly became just another part of their relationship, something that was them, and it was never questioned - the intimacy not discussed. 

But as more and more time passed, Joel realized  that all of the things they weren’t saying were eating him alive. He knew why neither of them talked about it, knew that bringing it up would change everything and possibly ruin it, but for the first time since before the outbreak, Joel legitimately cared for someone on a deeply personal level. 

It went against everything he knew, but by the time that they met Ellie, Joel’s feelings for Tess had turned into something deep and real, something that was more than being successful smuggling partners and sleeping together when it suited them - something that he was reluctant to lose in a way that would do no one any good if it were voiced. 

Because people don’t stay. Things don’t last. So they kept it quiet, but he saw it in the way she looked at him, and in the way he protected her when they were together. He demonstrated it in the way they argued like they’d been a couple for years, and then a few minutes later would be laughing about something unrelated. They were together without being officially together, and that made what happened in the museum and the statehouse so much more difficult. 

Because like everyone else, Tess left him. And she’d left him silently, in the same way Nadine had. In the same way Hannah had, even though things had been different otherwise. 

 And he wondered, long afterward what could have happened if he’d just told her that he cared about her instead of trying to show it. He wondered what would have happened if he’d kissed her goodbye in the statehouse, giving her more than just a final look at his back as he and Ellie disappeared through the doors, leaving her alone. He wondered what would have happened if they hadn’t gone to get the guns back from Robert. 

But he’d never know. Those things were all hypothetical questions that wouldn’t ever have answers, no matter how often Joel’s thoughts drifted back. 

And that was why he’d been so hesitant to let Ellie in, why he’d tried so hard to keep her at a distance, even when it was clear that she needed him in a way that no one had since Sarah. He’d found a way to fail four people that he’d cared about in various ways, and it scared him to think about doing it with a fifth. Especially someone that reminds me so much of Sarah. 

He refused to fail Ellie, even if it meant compromising on what he’d been conditioned to believe. He couldn’t handle the girl walking away from him, or being forced to walk away from her. He wouldn’t make the same mistakes that he’d made in the past with Nadine and Sarah and Hannah and Tess. 

Bit he’d still lied. He’d lied, and keeping up that lie kept him going on a daily basis. Keeping up the lie was enough to motivate him to act a certain way, and that motivation was more than enough to influence how he behaved in Jackson … and when it came to you. 

But you were an entirely different story, too. You made him question things that he hadn’t second guessed in years. You made him want to relax, even slightly - not just for show, and give Ellie the life that the other teenagers in Jackson were free to have. You asked nothing of him except common courtesy - and there was nothing hidden in your behavior or with the way you treated the two of them. 

But most of all, the way you spoke to Joel made him rethink the way he’d resigned himself to living his life. You didn’t push much. You didn’t pry often. You didn’t force friendship or physicality with him, even though he was comfortable with you from the beginning. 

After only a few months of being in Jackson and getting to know you, Joel started wondering if it was time to rethink everything yet again, pushing past the lines he’d drawn for himself. What’s the point of this place if you don’t let yourself enjoy it? You said it often - and so did Tommy - and the longer Joel stayed within the walls of the community, he began to consider it, too. 

--- 

tag list coming separately!

[darkfinch]

Like colors and outfits and haircuts and vibes!!

[Original Ask] Out of curiosity: ideal hell au aesthetics for both Eliot and Moreau?

!!! thank you for clarifying, i made some melodramatic hell au aesthetic collages bc the answer is just "canon but 2 inches from the left" and im gonna say too many words abt it :)

SO. here's too many words abt aesthetics.

i’ve always been of the baseless opinion that eliot started growing his hair out after he left moreau, as a way to be a little less recognizable (also something something bodily autonomy)? so since our hell au eliot has not actually done the leaving, yet, he’s still bound to moreau’s own aesthetic preferences for his people; i think his hair’s a little shorter than it was in rundown job in this au, and it gets longer the longer he stays with the team.

(i also think hell au eliot is a little physically smaller than our canon eliot, because he's hasn't been running jobs solo and he hasn't been his own first and last line of defence for a while? no one's getting close enough to him that he needs to be able to Take Hits etc. i think he probably starts putting on more weight when he joins the team.)

clothes & colours: we know moreau likes his people in black-on-black everything, so eliot starts out v dark v monochromatic. once he starts trying to sell Nate's Eliot TM as a Real Person with Preferences, he goes out and grabs some henleys and some plaid shirts and some jeans (so cheap so so cheap), but I don't think he ever gets to Our eliot's jewel tone situation?

hell au eliot is like regular eliot except washed out and desaturated and a lil empty; he's not going for The Iconic Red Eliot Shirt. he's going for the saddest noncommittal brick red you've ever seen in your life

(i think by the time we get to season 3, eliot looks v much like Our eliot who we know and love, long hair and accessories and all, + warmer richer colours to break away from moreau's cool dark palette)

For Danmien Mornmo, every time I write this man he is drinking wine in a black silk robe, at sunset, like I cannot stop him it’s his life’s true calling and his default state

uhhhh aesthetically he is.....goran visnjic in a variety of suits. theres not much different here. he usually looks well put together unless it’ll benefit him not to; when he’s mad at eliot, he’s in the full suit. further into the au when he’s pressing on eliot's Sense Of Loyalty or Protective Nature Tee Em he’s either got the tie and the jacket off or he’s gone back 2 the robe, hair ungelled. he’s not actually more vulnerable either way but he is Signifying that he is. Stratégique

vibes for the lads: we're taking the dog metaphor and running a marathon with it. for anyone who has read my eliot/moreau fics u know abt my devil+hellhound bullshit for them and i am back on that wholeheartedly with this au. eliot's slamming the Devotion button in his brain like "i would like 2 feel Something. something. Something" and moreaus like "obviously he's doing Fine, very normal and functional, i'm gonna send him to the states to run a grift on sophie fucking devereaux". wise

the VIBES did i say dog metaphor. corrosive loyalty. found family but you're screaming very loudly about it. rediscovering ur personhood via robinhood shenanigans. moreau as a corrupting and consuming force. eliot is about 35% human person and the rest is just static. the vibes they are bad <3

♫ for listenable vibes i've got a chronological eliot playlist here, a moreau playlist here, & a pre-canon eliot/moreau playlist over here ♫

[POMES from the pics: first poem is from i never figured how to get free by donika kelly; second is from hunter's moon by yves olade.

quotes are a modified quote from the zoo job and a moreau line from the show, respectively]

thank u for coming 2 my rambling if u made it this far i hope u have a wonderful day :)

[dasphinxone]

Book of Nile: Cabin Fever WIP

Like, I need to SIT DOWN AND WRITE THIS OUT INSTEAD OF DOING SNIPPETS THO. I’m sorry y’all, I swear I’m writing a full fic of this. Please don’t kill me.

Booker wanders over and starts organizing the ingredients by type on the dark, marble top counter of the kitchen island. Spices are put together, other dry ingredients lined up. He takes out the carton of eggs from the fridge.

“How many eggs do you need?” he looks to Nile next to him.

“Just one,” comes her muffled voice from where she’s leaning over to take full stock of the lower shelves of the pantry.

He diverts his eyes from the sight of her lean legs and her behind clad in short sleeping shorts. Her braids are piled into a cute, messy bun on top of her head. She already has on one of the aprons she found hanging on a hook in the broom closet. How one of his heavily knit, grey cardigans hangs billowy off of her frame over her shorts and tank top sends his heart beating faster.

She’s always borrowing his clothes. Usually it’s his array of denim shirts or old t-shirts that she cuts down at the bottom to fit her. Yet something about seeing her using his sweater as a robe while baking for him? It screams domesticity.

Booker startles at the feel of Nile’s touch to his arm. “I’m thinking a gingerbread cake? Or cupcakes, if we have a muffin tin,” she frowns in contemplation. “Christmas is just around the corner and gingerbread cookies are so blasé, you know?”

His face lights up. “I think I can legitimately say that I have never had gingerbread in cake form.”

“You are definitely in for a treat!” she playfully taps him on the shoulder with a spatula she’s dug up. “It’ll go faster since Copley hooked this place up with the KitchenMade stand mixer to boot. Though you’re going to have to make a hard decision for me, Book.”

He can’t ever seem to say no to her. Not especially with that beautiful smile lighting up her face. For fuck’s sake, she’s wearing his sweater like she owns it.

He rapidly blinks away any fantasies of how incredible she would look wearing just the sweater by itself. The way it would cling to her curve. Teasing him with barely contained views of her beautifully dark, warm skin. Skin that would glisten with sweat after he’s fucked her up against the wall next to the fridge. Her legs wrapped around his waist and heels digging into his ass while she mercilessly tugs at his hair and calls out his real name. All after he’s balanced her on his shoulders while he’s on his knees, devouring her pussy like he’s on a mission to make her scream and forget anyone else who’s come before him…

Stop it, you fucking pervert! he scolds himself in his native language.

He rapidly drags a bar stool from the  counter to the kitchen island and settles in. Mostly so that she can’t see that he’s already half hard. His black sweatpants don’t hide much.

“What would you have of me, mademoiselle?” he bows his head with a flourish of his hand. When he looks back up, she’s beaming even more.

“Soooo, do you mind having your bagels dry or just with butter in the morning versus with cream cheese?” she holds up two packets of it.

Booker purposely curls his mouth in contemplation. “What do I have to gain from the absence of it on said bagel?”

“Cream cheese frosting for the cupcakes?” she pulls a muffin tin from the cabinet of the island and waves it at him.

Booker arches a brow and leans an elbow on the counter to rest his head in his hand. “Well,” he drawls out, “If you insist on spoiling me with cupcakes ma cher,” he sighs with supposed annoyance, “I guess I shall have to acquiesce.  You may proceed,” he waves in dismissal.

Of course, Nile sees how he’s barely holding in a laugh. “Frosting it is!” she declares. Leaning over the island, she brushes her lips to his stubbled cheek while patting his other one with her free hand. “I knew there was a reason why I love you.”

Booker freezes at her declaration as Nile spins back around to the opposite counter to start. She’s greasing the muffin tin, putting the paper cups into them, spraying those with cooking spray and beginning to hum to herself as she usually does when doing this sort of thing. She appears thoroughly unaffected by what she’s just said. Shimmying her shoulders, she asks if he can fire up one of her playlists from the cloud on his laptop. He’s always had access to her music account, so the request isn’t out of the ordinary.

He's glad he has the excuse to exit the area and go grab his laptop from the den. He’s in need of doing a few deep breathing exercises his various therapists over the years have taught him to do whenever he gets overwhelmed. Except it’s always for the bad sort of overwhelmed. Not a  “Oh my fucking God, this woman has just declared she loves me…except I don’t think she meant it in that sort of context? MERDE, I DON’T FUCKING KNOW.” 

Either way, Booker all but flees the kitchen.

Nile is glad of it. Because FUCK, she just said she loves him. And yeah, she meant it in a “After all of these decades of having your fine ass so devoted to me and watching my six at all times and sharing beds with you since we're the spares and you willingly helping me do my braids and twists installations for hours on end without being all white boy weird about it? I think I could love you for the near eternity we have together. Plus, I think you’re pretty damn capable of fucking ruining me in bed with your, uh, fucking.”

Nile plants her hands on the countertop and drops her head between her shoulders. Her heart is beating fast in her ears and her skin’s tingling. It’s not fear adrenaline coursing through her. Yet it’s also not quite the effervescent sort of high either. It’s all topsy-turvy, confusing feelings that she doesn’t like. Not because she’s afraid of emotions. More that she can’t sort them out at the damn moment. Combined with the fact that it’s just the two of them in this dream of a cabin? For these next few days to up to weeks, depending on the blizzard? That will be…interesting?

Or a fucking disaster where we end up hating each other but are stuck in the same rooms with no escape, she muses to herself.

She’s frozen to death a handful of times. It’s not a bad way to go; after the numbness sets in and you can’t feel your limbs, you just sort of drift off only to wake from death. However, literally catching one’s death of cold in the middle of a snowy storm in the forest would suck due to the lack of relief from dying over and over again. Sure, she could technically leave if things went horribly between them. Yet that would be a stupid as shit decision.

“Are you alright?”

Nile spins around to find Booker once again sitting on one of the barstools up against the opposite counter. Only now does she notice the music playing over the Bluetooth speakers of the small holo-TV mounted on a wall of the kitchen. It’s her favorite playlist, R&B from the 2010s when she grew up. No matter that the music is nearly 200 years old now, it wraps her in a warm aural blanket of comfort. Meanwhile, Booker looks non-plussed and focused on the screen of his laptop before he looks up  at her. His azure eyes full of concern, he scans around the kitchen.

“You sound like you’re having trouble with something.”

She swiftly plasters a wide smile on her face and stabs a finger down at the screen of her holotablet. “There’s a lot of steps of this recipe-”

“I’ll help,” he cuts her off while scrambling up from his chair, “Anything you need, you want, I can, I mean I will do it.”

I’d like for you to eat me out on your knees and fuck me up against one of these counters.

Nile swallows, trying to rid herself of the filthy thought. The thing is, he’s wearing this light blue Henley that’s so tight across his chest that it doesn’t look like he could close up the buttons of it even if he wanted to. There’s a teasing peek of dark blonde chest hair at the low V of the shirt’s neckline she’s struggling to not stare at. On top of that, he’s had the nerve to shove up the sleeves to reveal his forearms.

Instead, Nile closes her eyes and takes a few deep breathes. She hopes it comes off as annoyed with the recipe versus reigning in her self-control to not just jump him and climb him like a tree. 

“The recipe calls for making gingerbread men to use to decorate the cupcakes with, though it’s not necessary,” she breathes out. “Did you want to go the hard or easy route for this recipe?”

Booker grins, eyes meeting hers. “À la dure,” he drawls.

“The hard way?” Nile translates, hoping her breath doesn’t hitch. Is he doing some sort of double-entendre thing just to fuck with her?

He shrugs. “It’s not as though we don’t have the time.” Moving around the counter to saunter up to her side, he looks down at her holotablet. “You far outdo me when it comes to baking, but I think I can manage cookies.” He opens a new tab and searches for a gingerbread cookie recipe. Finding one, he quickly reads over it. “So long as you can ice them?” he holds up the tablet for her to take in the cute picture.

Nile slightly steps away from him. Mostly on account that he smells so good (fresh soap…is that a hint of his usual spicy, citrusy cologne?) and feels so warm with one of his arms flush to hers. “We don’t have cookie cutters here, but you can bake them round and we can ice faces or ornaments on them.”

“It’s a deal,” he holds out a hand to shake hers.

Looks like their project for this afternoon is set.

[coffee-obsessed-writer]

When You Least Expect It, Part Fifteen

Jensen Ackles x Musician!Reader

Masterlist - Contains Chapter Links & Wardrobe Collages

A/N: Sorry for the delay with this new chapter! Life has been getting in the way, BUT I am back and determined to finish this ridiculously LONG fic. Thank you to everyone who keeps reading and following along with this one. You don’t know what it means to me! Any lines bold and italic are not written by me, but song lyrics used in the fic.

Spotify Playlist 

Chapter Summary: The impromptu vacation Jensen takes Y/N away on hits a bump in the road, but they find a way to make the most of it.

Chaper Warnings: Floof, Mild Implied Smut, NSFW 18+ Only

WC: 11.9K

Series Beta’d by @closetspngirl

Y/N’s dreams were staggered and yet, lucid. She knew she had been dreaming, yet nothing in it felt like a dream; more so like she was replaying a real life memory. 

She was on a stage. The lights were bright and hot, obscuring the crowd that was spread out beyond her. She could hear their cheers and screams of excitement. She could smell the faint hint of beer wafting in from the sea of darkened faces in front of her. In the dream, she looked down and saw her dad’s guitar back in her hands, and her heart swelled with both pride and ache. Love filled her, and slowly, she turned her head to stage left and saw him waiting for her there….

Jensen.

He was leaning against a speaker that stood nearly ten feet tall. His arms were crossed over his chest, and his beard was fuller than he normally kept it. Y/N could feel his eyes on her, watching, beaming with pride. She felt his joy, his devotion… and then she saw them. Two small shapes bouncing and giggling, stopping just before tumbling out onto the stage. They couldn’t have been older than three or four, and they both had Jensen’s green eyes. She knew they were her children, in the same way she knew it was all a dream. Any minute now she would wake up, and he would be lazily dozing next to her. 

Haze and smoke from the crowd began to move in a hypnotizing pattern as it swirled up and into the rafters of the stage lighting. Y/N turned back towards the crowd and knew right then, that her life was just as it should be. She found comfort and solace in the unexpected now and this dream-induced glimpse at a future that could be waiting for her, gave her soul a sort of peace she never knew was possible. 

Y/N’s eyes felt the morning light permeate her closed lids. She wasn’t sad in the least that it was time to open them and face her day. The lingering images of the dream found a place in her waking mind and settled in with excitement for seeing it all unfold in the future. But it wasn’t time yet. For now, it was time to enjoy the next two days with Jensen, in the only place on Earth she loved more than being wherever he was.

Pushing herself up and turning over to wrap her arms around Jensen, she was disappointed to find he was no longer there next to her. She knew she had slept a deep, blissful sleep, but she was still surprised that she hadn’t felt him get up. Throwing off the covers, she got up and moved around the room looking for signs of him. The bathroom was empty, as was the small sitting room that led to the door of the room. 

Y/N wrinkled her brow, curious where he could have gone. She reached into her bag and pulled out clothes for the day. Turning back towards the bed, a folded piece of pale lavender paper with her name scrawled across the front sat waiting for her on the small nightstand an arm’s reach from her side of the bed. 

“Real observant, dummy,” she mocked to herself as she reached for it. 

Trix,

Running a couple errands. Should be back by noon. Think about what you wanna do today. Still about a dozen different things I still need to try up on that boardwalk. So let’s work up an appetite and gorge on funnel cakes. 

Love ya

-J 

She held the note on the hotel stationary and tried to think of where he could have gone. Breakfast waited downstairs in the B&B’s restaurant if they were hungry, and everything else they could possibly need was here in their room. Shrugging it off as Jensen just being his usual surprising self, Y/N slipped off her thin pajama top and went into the bathroom to shower.

When Jensen still hadn’t returned by the time she was finished, she figured she would put her own surprise for him in motion. Y/N scribbled a quick note of her own about where she was going and told him to meet her there.

“Jensen isn’t the only one who can pull off a grand gesture,” she mumbled with a sly smirk as she slipped on her sandals and grabbed her small, over-the-shoulder clutch, cell phone and the keys to the room. Her mind racing at light speed, she closed the door behind her and bounded down the stairs to the lobby of The Grenville. 

Within fifteen minutes of leaving the room, Y/N had rented one of the beach cruisers the B&B had available and was within a block of arriving at her destination. Locking up the bike in front of Leo’s posh hotel and office suite, The Breakers, Y/N walked inside, and smiled as the blast of air conditioning smacked her in the face. Between the bike ride and heat of early morning, she was already sweaty and in need of a cold drink. 

As she made her way through The Breakers lobby, she smiled and waved at all the familiar faces she had known for most of her life. Her spirits were high, her head clear and focused on what she needed to talk to Leo about. But when she was standing outside his office door, her hand reaching out for the knob to open the large double doors, she heard it. A voice from her past that she thought she would never, ever have to hear again. 

Her mother’s.

Y/N couldn’t believe what she was hearing. Of course the tone and words were muffled, but Sherry (Y/L/N) had the kind of voice that could cut through the thickest glass with great ease. It had its way of going right through her, and suddenly triggering an immediate surge of anger and nausea. 

Through the heavy oak doors, Y/N could hear Sherry’s laugh; but not a real laugh. The woman was incapable of having any true humor. No, this was her typical sarcastic, condescending, snarky laugh; the one that said ’I am now, have been and always will be, better than you’. And not for the first time in her life, she wondered why her father was so miserable for so long about her leaving. Losing Sherry wasn’t a real loss. In fact, it probably is why Y/N ended up being the kind of person she grew into being. 

It was hearing her own name that finally prompted Y/N to twist the handle that now slipped from the nervous sweat coating on her palms. All thoughts of why she was there in the first place flew out the window. Now she just needed to know why the Wicked Witch of the East was returning to disrupt her happy life.

The air in the room, normally cool enough to hang meat, was heavy and humid. The sound of the door opening caused both Sherry and Leo to stop their conversation mid-sentence and turn to see Y/N standing there. 

Poor Leo, she thought, gauging his expression of shock, first. Poor bastard had no idea Sherry was coming…

Sherry cleared her throat, and took a confident step towards her daughter. 

“Your hair is different,” she said, and picked up one of the loose tendrils that had fallen from Y/N’s signature messy bun. “It’s dry. You should condition it more.”

Y/N turned away from Leo and allowed her (y/c/e)s to examine the woman’s face that stood in front of her. It was Sherry alright, but time had not been kind. The lines in her face were deep and telling of how rough those years had treated her. Y/N took some solace in how worn and almost broken her mother looked and was ready to fire off a quip or dig of some kind. Instead took the unexpected path, and simply said, “Thank you for that advice Sherry. Now, what brings you back to the town you couldn’t wait to disappear from?”

“Oh, my daughter…” she narrowed her eyes and made an attempt at a pleasant grin. “It’s good to know some things never change. How have you been? I heard about your exciting new career in event planning.”

“What are you doing here, Sherry?” Y/N turned from her mother and snapped her gaze intensely on Leo. “Leo… what the hell is going on?”

“Honey, relax,” Leo tutted in his most gentle tone. “I know you and your ma here have a bad history, but she is still my sister. She’s come for--”

“I can explain it myself, Leo. You don’t have to speak for me as if I am an infant.”

“Maybe if you didn’t act like one most of your life…” Y/N mumbled, her arms crossing over her breasts so tight she nearly cut off her own circulation. “Seriously, what the fuck are you doing here?”

“Well,” Sherry started, then threw her own purse on one of the cream colored wingback chairs, before sitting in the one adjacent. “I was contacted by the Manger Development Group. They are interested in buying a stretch of homes on the Seaside Heights, Lavalette border. One of the homes they are interested in is the bungalow.”

Y/N felt a twist in her gut. She wanted to sit, but she wouldn’t give her mother the satisfaction to have to toss her purse from the only other free chair. “Sss-so what? What does that have to do with you? Leo owns the bungalow.”

Sherry snorted a laugh, partially covering her mouth with the back of her hand. “I’m sorry, what? Says who?”

“Leo?” Y/N asked, but when she saw his expression, she already knew that Sherry wasn’t lying. “You own the bungalow, that’s what you told me. And that one day you would be deeding it to me.”

“I know that’s what I said, honey, but... “

“But my brother made some bad investments about eight years ago, and this time I was in a position to bail him out. He sold me the bungalow for a dirt cheap price with the promise you would never know.”

“I can’t believe this,” Y/N whispered to herself, hanging her chin towards her chest, and fighting the urge to pull her bun loose and pull out her hair. 

“The reason I am here is because the Manger group wants to tear down the stretch of homes between the end of the boardwalk and 10th Street. Everything will be cleared and brand new condos will be going up.”

“You can’t just sell my home!” Y/N yelled, surprising even herself with the child-like whine in her tone. “Leo! You can’t… she can’t.. That’s… that’s MY HOME!”

“No, actually, Y/N. It’s not. It belongs to me,” Sherry said calmly while pinching the bridge of her nose. “I have allowed you to stay there, and took no credit for it because I know how you feel about me. But it’s time to sell and move on. Besides, aren’t you living in Austin… or is it Vancouver?”

Her expression went from frustrated to ice cold. The steely gray eyes peered into Y/N’s and made her feel as she did when she was a child and being reprimanded by the woman in front of her. Sherry was daring her to take the bait, keep the fight going. Knowing she would stumble over her words and just end up looking like a child throwing a tantrum--which was just what Sherry wanted--she bit her lip.

“You told her about what I’m doing now?” Y/N turned to Leo once again. “Knowing our history and all she has put our family through, you still told her about the festival, Austin… did you tell her about Jensen, too?”

“No, Y/N, I didn’t tell her a thing about your life. I wouldn’t…”

“He’s not lying, Y/N. Other than selling me the bungalow, he’s been completely loyal to you, his niece, over me, his sister. But I can let that go… Nathan actually told me about your new life, and yes, even your new boyfriend. I always did like that Nate, no idea why you two broke up.”

Y/N’s blood began to boil beneath her skin at the sound of Nathan’s name. She swallowed thickly, the air caught somewhere in her throat. She must have gone pale, because Leo came out from behind his desk and placed a hand on her shoulder.

“Honey, you alright?”

But Y/N barely registered his voice or his touch and kept her gaze fixed on her mother. “You… you talked to Nathan?”

“Yes, several times over the last few months. He kept me very up to date on everything you’ve been doing. He’s so proud of you.”

Now she did feel as if she were going to faint. Racing thoughts plagued her mind and while she couldn’t make sense of them, she also didn’t want to believe the feeling that was growing in the pit of her stomach could be true. Was it her own mother behind Nathan’s violence and not Dee? Could she be THAT cruel?

“Nathan is a psychopath…” she managed to squeak out, but once those words cleared her lips, she could feel the anger begin to flow right along with the volume of her voice. “A FUCKING PSYCHOPATH, MOTHER! Do you even KNOW what he did? Do you?! NO! Of course you don’t! You’re a fucking joke, you know that?!”

She paused for a moment, and was about to lay into Sherry further, when the office doors opened for the second time. When they all turned, Jensen was standing there in the doorway, a perplexed expression, his eyes narrowing in on Sherry as he tried to read the tension in the room.

“Someone wanna tell me what the shouting is all about?” Jensen said, taking a tentative step into Leo’s office and closing the door softly behind him. No one spoke until he reached Y/N’s side. “You alright, Trix?” he asked and protectively put his arm around the small of her back. 

“No, not even a little. Jensen, this is Sherry… my mother.”

“Oh,” he said and brought his gaze back around to Sherry, who was now standing from the chair and approaching him with her hand outstretched in a greeting. 

“Nice to meet you. You must be the Jensen I’ve heard so much about.”

“Hmm… that’s me… and, uh, who was telling you all about me? Because I know Y/N and you don’t talk so...?” Jensen trailed off and looked over to Leo, who shrugged slightly and shook his head. 

“Nathan did,” Y/N spoke up, and instantly felt Jensen’s body stiffen against hers. 

Jensen’s expression went steely and cold. “Did he now?”

“Mhm… apparently he and Sherry here have been in touch more than a few times over the last year. Isn’t that right, mom?”

“Yes. And I am sorry you think he’s a psychopath, but--”

“Wait,” Jensen interrupted with a snarky laugh. “THINK he’s a psychopath? THINK? Lady… we have first hand proof of his instability and violence. Let’s start with the fact that he put your daughter in the hospital after breaking her nose and giving her a concussion. Then, let’s move on to when he just showed up at her place in Austin, harassing her. Or how he broke into that house and trashed everything in it! If that’s not enough proof for you… the last time your daughter saw him, he jumped her in a parking lot and tried to choke her!”

Leo and Sherry stood speechless, staring at Jensen as his own anger grew. Y/N stood stoically beside him, torn between feeling sick at hearing it all back again and loving Jensen even more for standing up for her. Not too many people had ever done that for her in her life. 

“Y/N, I had no idea it was that bad…” Leo rasped, emotion filling his features. 

“Doesn’t matter Leo,” she said and pushed back her shoulders. “He’s wanted for questioning in both cases. So, Sherry, if you know where he is now, and don’t tell us or the Austin Police Department, I will have them charge you as an accessory.” Finding some new found strength, she stepped away from Jensen’s side and moved closer to her mother. “For all you have put me through, for all you put my FATHER through, if you protect Nathan, if you give him one minute of asylum, I will be more than happy to do whatever I have to for them to charge you with aiding and abetting a fugitive.”

Sherry stared at her daughter, speechless. When she turned to her brother, Leo’s sour expression said all she needed to know. “Well, I will take that under advisement,” she said as she slowly reached for her purse off the chair. 

“No need to rush out, you and Leo continue your business. Jensen and I are leaving.”

Not another word was said by any of them. As Jensen and Y/N laced their fingers together, and headed out the double doors of Leo’s office, the silence was so deafening, the world’s smallest pin could be heard dropping to the plush carpeted floor.

“Where were you this morning anyway?” Y/N asked absently as she watched the familiar scenery of the shore go by slowly out of the passenger side window of the rental car. 

“Just had to run a quick errand,” he replied nonchalantly. “What made you go to Leo’s office in the first place?”

“Oh shit,” she mumbled and shook her head in frustration. “I wanted to ask him a favor. When I walked in and saw Sherry, I completely forgot about it.”

“What favor?” 

Y/N shrugged. “Was going to ask him to borrow his boat for the afternoon. Thought we could take it out on the bay.”

“We can still find a boat rental I’m sure--”

“Nah, fuck that,” Y/N said, and suddenly sat up straighter in her seat. “Make your next right and go til you can’t go anymore. We’re taking Leo’s anyway.”

Jensen took his attention from the road to stare her down, seeing if she was serious. By the devilish gleam in her eyes and hint of the sly smile on her face, he knew without a doubt, she was.

It took barely fifteen minutes for Y/N to ransack Leo’s house for the boat keys, and another five for her and Jensen to walk down to the marina where he docked it. As they approached Leo’s thirty-eight foot Rinker Yacht, Sunset Dreams, Jensen’s eyes lit up. 

“Well damn, Trix. I thought we were taking out a small boat. Maybe we should tell him. This thing is no joke.”

“Oh, I know. I’ve taken it out before. And trust me, after what Leo did to me, he owes me one.”

“What did he do? Is that what the fighting was about back at his office? Because we never really did get to that…”

Y/N paused as she opened the gate to the Dreams’ slip. Her shoulders fell as her head dipped towards her chest. He could see just from her stance that she was feeling defeated, almost like the night of the break-in. But there was more anger in her this time and he knew that whatever had happened in that office before he got there, was weighing her down like a stone.

She turned to him and he could see she wasn’t ready to answer him. “Can we talk about it later? Right now I just want to get out on the water and not think about anything.”

Jensen took her hand in his and kissed the back of it. “Of course. C’mon, let’s go steal your uncle’s yacht.”

Y/N wasted no time firing up the engine, and prepping the boat to set sail. Jensen watched her movements, impressed with her knowledge and comfort in maneuvering the large vessel. She had no fear steering it from its slip at the marina and navigating it expertly through the canals that wrapped around large homes like the waterways of Venice. Occasionally, Y/N would look over her shoulder at Jensen, who stood in the same spot, just observing her every action. 

“Wanna drive, Hollywood?” 

Jensen shook his head. “Nah, I am enjoying my view from right here just fine.”

She rolled her eyes and smirked at him just like she normally did and went back to driving the boat. Where that common gesture of hers normally amused him, this time it left him feeling… wrong. 

“Hey,” he said, stepping closer and placing his hand on her shoulder to turn her attention back to him. “Don’t roll your eyes at me, woman. I wasn’t trying to be cute.”

“Awww, you don’t have to try,” she teased and playfully patted his cheek. He knew her well enough at this point that he could tell she was covering any sort of “real” talk with her charming sarcastic wit. Any other time he would banter with her like this all day, but right then he felt the need to reiterate to her why he was so intently watching her.

“Y/N, stop. Don’t try and brush me off with a joke. You know why I stand here sometimes and just watch you?” His eyes searched hers curiously, and she tried to look away. Jensen wasn’t having it and gently directed her face back to his. “I mean it. Do you know?”

“N-No…” she said with a tired shrug. “Why?”

“Because you amaze me. And not just because I think you’re absolutely beautiful. It’s everything. Yes, I love your face, and your messy buns. Hell, I even love your old worn out band shirts. But I love everything you do. You tackle everything with a kind of energy and determination that is only rivaled by over-sugared toddlers at bedtime.”

Y/N couldn’t help but snort a laugh as she quickly covered her mouth and nose with her hand in mild embarrassment. 

“Yeah, you laugh… you didn’t know Jared’s kids at that age… my GOD... “ he paused, allowing his smile to fade and worked on bringing her back to his point. “Trix, you have no idea what you have brought into my life. Forget the fact that I am ridiculously head over heels in love with you… but just the things you do amaze me. You sing like an angel, create music, produce, organize… somehow can keep Robbie in line, carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and still manage to keep going. Hell, now I find out you can steal and drive a yacht like it's as simple as tying your shoes? You make me laugh, and make me feel passionate about life again. You make me believe and have faith in things that I didn’t put much stock in before. So, sometimes, when I am just sitting back and watching you… it's because I am amazed that someone as wonderful as you--for some reason--decided I was the schmuck you wanted to spend your free time with.”

Y/N’s (y/c/e) filled with tears, and despite her best efforts they spilled quickly down her cheeks. “I swear to God Jensen, if you get down on one knee right now I will throw your ass overboard,” she quipped and swiped at the remaining drops on her cheek. 

“Go for it, I can swim,” he shrugged, and brushed a stray hair from her face. “I want you to hear what I am saying. Really hear me, okay?”

She bit down on her lip and nodded softly. 

“Y/N, you have endless potential and I hate that those people who were supposed to be there to support you and encourage you, failed you. I hate what I walked in on in Leo’s office today and I don’t even have the details yet. I hated it because I could tell you felt attacked and alone. I never, ever want you to feel that way again. You got me, baby. I will be your family, your friend, your partner… and so will Robbie, Bri… all of us.”

“Jensen… I... “ she couldn’t find the words she needed. To give herself time, she quickly turned back to the control deck of the Sunset Dreams and gently guided the vessel into the open waters of the Barnegat Bay. Jensen waited for her to gather her thoughts, and didn’t press for a response or even acknowledgement of his declaration. Instead, knowing she would reply when she was ready, he stepped back and continued watching her work. 

A little while later, she killed the engine and just let the yacht float freely. Y/N turned back to Jensen, and instead of saying anything, she simply took his hand and led him out onto the cushioned seats that lined the stern. He followed her lead and sat down, but never let go of her hand. 

“Today I found out that Leo sold the bungalow to my mother. She holds the deed for the house and land.”

“Oh…” Jensen didn’t know if that was a question or a statement himself. “W-Why would he do that?”

“Sherry claims he made some bad investments, and she bailed him out for a change. That whole thing makes no sense, because no way my mother has that kind of money laying around.”

“Rich boyfriend?”

“I don’t know. Doesn’t matter anymore. She agreed to sell the land to a developer. This group wants to come in and demolish a bunch of houses right there on that stretch of beach… mine… the Sinatra house… gone. All to put up some crappy time share condos for idiots to come and trash our town.”

“Jesus…” Jensen groaned and sat back against the cushions, finally allowing her hand to slip from his. He leaned forward in frustration, resting his elbows on his knees and rubbing his hands over his face. “Is there any way to stop her?”

“I don’t know, Jay. But… that’s my home. That’s the one thing I have left of my father.” Her voice cracked on the last word, and Jensen didn’t hesitate to pull her into him. He turned her body so that her back rested against his chest, as he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, clasping his hands above her breasts. 

Jensen rested his chin on her shoulder, his lips a breath away from her ear. “Baby, no matter what… your dad is always with you,” he said softly. 

That one sentence was what finally broke her. The tears came in heaping waves and his grip on her tightened. After months and months of stress, close calls and constant fear that Nathan had caused her, Jensen wasn’t surprised in the least that she was unloading it all. She crossed her arms over his as he sat there holding her until the tears finally stopped.

“I’m sorry,” she sniffed, and tried to move from his embrace. 

“Don’t you dare apologize,” he replied and pulled her closer. “You’ve been holding all that in way too long.” 

“Doesn’t mean I need to snot all over you. Lemme up.” Y/N tapped his arms to let her go, and this time he complied.

Y/N disappeared down into the galley for a moment, but returned a moment later with a handful of tissues and two bottles of cold beer. She handed one to him and twisted the cap off her own before sitting back down. 

“Thank you,” she started and held her hand up to stop him when it looked like he was going to try and interrupt her. “My turn, okay?”

Jensen nodded and opened his beer.

“You’re not the only one amazed, okay? What you have done for me, what you have done for… everyone. You inspire me, Jensen. You make me want to get up and tackle things like a sugar-fueled toddler,” she snorted a delicate laugh. “You helped me come out of my shell, and do things I didn’t think I had it in me to do. You’re a great partner to work with, you’re everything a girl could ask for in a guy. So let’s just say I am as equally shocked as you are, that I am the one you want to share your time with.”

“I didn’t say all that to make you--”

“Hush. I’m talking now, Hollywood. You had your turn.”

Y/N took a sip of her beer then inched a bit closer to Jensen. She caressed the side of his cheek and leaned in to kiss his lips, longingly, but gentle. “I love you, Jensen. No matter what happens from here on out, never doubt that.”

“Even when I know deep down that it was Robert who has really captured your heart,” he replied; his ability to keep a straight face was absolutely infuriating to Y/N, who’s serious demeanor cracked instantly. 

“Yes, jerk. Even though Robert will always secretly be my number one. But never tell him, it will just go to his head.” 

She couldn’t dismiss the smile that had returned to her face, nor did she want too. Only Jensen knew just what to say, and how to say it, so she could say what she needed to, and yet moments later come back to their version of normal; smiling and joking with each other as they always did.

Jensen cleared his throat and took her hand in his again, giving it a slight squeeze. “I just want to say one more thing, and then we can drop it for now, okay?”

Y/N nodded and motioned for him to continue. 

“Let me look into the developers and see what’s going on. If I can help, I want to. But I won’t without your okay. I want to work with you, never against you.”

“Okay,” she said, and kissed him again. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt.”

“That’s my girl.” Jensen winked at her and pulled a long drink from his bottle. “Now, whatcha say we get some music on, and now you let me drive this baby further out into the bay?”

For the next hour, Jensen navigated the boat through the bay, while Y/N pointed out all the places she had fond memories of from growing up in Seaside. He listened to each detail, soaking in as much about her past as he was of the hot September sun. They laughed a lot, and occasionally he would notice her looking off into the distance, quiet and contemplative. He didn’t intrude on those moments; he wanted her to be able to let her mind wander, but knew he had the ability to pull her back when she started drifting too far from him. 

After several hours, the heat of the day was getting intense. Being out on the water provided a cooling breeze, but the feeling of the sun on their skin was making it borderline uncomfortable. 

Y/N went down into the galley to grab them each a cold water. When she returned, she placed his on the side of the controls and asked, “Wanna go for a swim?”

“Where? Here in the bay? Is that safe with all the jet skis and other boats?”

“No, I know a safe spot we can anchor and take a quick swim.”

“I don’t have a bathing suit. Someone forgot to inform me of our plans to steal a yacht today.” Jensen frowned and shrugged playfully. 

“Oh, please. I am sure there is a suit down in the galley you can borrow. Or…” she trailed off, and leaned back to check out his ass. “I have no problem watching you go skinny dipping.”

“We’ve talked about this, Trix. You need to love me for more than just my body.”

“I do, I promise. I love your front as much as your back.”

“Alright, perv… where’s this ‘safe spot’ you wanna get me naked at?”

Y/N wiggled her brows and flashed him that same grin she had when she suggested stealing Leo’s yacht. Jensen didn’t think he could be anymore in love with her than he was at that moment. She was fun, and easy to be with. Even in the moments where things looked bleak, or they struggled with outside influences like Dee and Nathan, Y/N was still the only woman he could ever imagine loving for the rest of his life. 

Twenty minutes later, she was instructing Jensen on how to drop the anchor and shut down the engines. Once the boat was secured, she retrieved a pair of swim trunks for him to change into. Y/N didn’t wait for him to return, she peeled off her tank top and shorts, revealing the simple dark blue bikini beneath it and dove head first into the cool bay water. When she surfaced, she saw Jensen standing at the stern, his hands on his hips and a contented soft smile on his lips. 

“Couldn’t wait for me, huh?”

“Nope. Too damn hot to wait for you. Come on in, the water feels amazing!”

Y/N dipped beneath the water again, submerging her head completely then propelling herself back up when she felt Jensen splash into the water beside her. They were the only two in sight; no other boats around, no people watching from the shoreline. They were alone in their own little world and neither of them could have been happier. 

Splashing at each other, swimming and even a little bet on who could make it back to the boat the fastest kept them busy until each of their stomachs started rumbling at nearly the same exact moment. 

“Guess maybe we should eat something,” she suggested as she swam by him towards the boat’s ladder. 

“Not so fast, Trix,” he said, grabbing her by the waist and yanking her against him. 

He loved how she felt when she was close and could never seem to get enough of her. Since she agreed to stay with him in Vancouver, they had been together countless times. Never once did he tire of her touch, or her kiss. The more days that passed by, the more he craved her. Just the thought of it caused him to grow hard, and his mouth went to her neck, biting and kissing from her shoulder up to her ear. 

Y/N was just as infatuated with his touch as he was with hers, and didn’t hesitate to stretch out her neck to let him kiss her. She wanted him to keep going, to take her right there in the water. If not for another loud rumble from her stomach, she would have encouraged him to do so. 

“Jay…” she moaned just loud enough for him to hear her over the small waves lapping against the boat. “Wait…”

“Hmmm?” he replied without removing his lips from her neck. 

She laughed and struggled out of his embrace. When she finally broke free, she swam back towards the boat. 

“Come on, Trix!”

“Dude, I need to eat. So do you. There’s a restaurant less than a mile from here that has a parking lot for boats. We can go eat, then come back and pick this up.”

“Seriously? A parking lot for boats… you mean… a marina?”

“I seriously hate you right now. Come on, let’s get dry and dressed, go eat and then maybe, if you aren’t being a pain in the ass, I’ll let you get to second base.”

Jensen couldn’t help but laugh as she flashed him a challenging expression just before she reboarded the boat. Lifting one of the cushioned seats, she pulled out two towels and wrapped one around her shoulders. When he realized she wasn’t getting back in the water, he sighed and resigned himself to just having to wait to have her until later. 

Within an hour Jensen was directing the Sunset Dreams into a slip at the Water Street Restaurant and Marina. He got a little to close on the starboard side and nearly hit another boat.

“One too many beers there, Captain?” She teased, “Maybe next time I should be the one to park.”

Deciding to ignore her jab, he offered his elbow and escorted her to dinner at Water Street. As they approached the patio entrance, they both realized just how crowded the place was. Forgetting it was Labor Day weekend at the shore, Y/N turned to him and shrugged. 

“Sorry… maybe this place isn’t a good idea. I can tell you right now, you will get recognized and bombarded by people if we walk in there. Don’t know where my head is at today… Tomorrow is Labor Day, every restaurant in this town is going to be insanely busy.”

“They do take out? Let’s grab a bunch of apps and just go back to the boat. Besides, I really wanna get back to what we were doing before. That is much more appetizing to me right now than a plate of mozzarella sticks.”

As if on cue, a waitress walked through the patio carrying a large tray of food. The smell of which smacked Jensen right in the face and immediately caused his stomach to grumble in protest loud enough for Y/N to hear it clearly.

“Yeah,” she laughed. “Take out is a great idea. Head back to the boat, I’ll order up some stuff and meet you back there.”

“You sure?” he asked and when she nodded, he leaned in and kissed her lips. “Alright… get some wings… maybe some onion rings.” She nodded again and went to head inside. “Wait, Trix! If they got nachos---”

“On it,” she laughed and left him with a wink and that smile that could bring him to his damn knees.

For as busy as the place was, it didn’t take Y/N too long to return with their take-out order. She chose four different appetizers for them to share, plus a six-pack of a local brew she liked. He was impressed with the craft beer, and as he suggested getting some for the festival she shook her head. 

“Already done. They came on board two months ago and will have a booth right next to Javier and Midway.”

“Told you that you were amazing,” Jensen mused and took another swig from the bottle before shoving a handful of nachos into his mouth. “Alright, enough work talk. Let’s get this bad boy back out to the bay so I can have my way with you.”

“Good lord man, can’t you let your food settle? You’re liable to get a cramp.”

“Oh, I’m gonna stiffen up alright…” Jensen took the onion ring from her hand and tossed it back in the container, before he lowered himself down towards her. He was being playful and flirty, no real intentions of taking her right there on the stern of the boat in front of a patio full of diners. But hearing her laugh as she smacked his shoulder, trying to thwart his advances, made his heart flutter and his knees go weak. 

“You’re insufferable,” Y/N laughed and got up from her seat. “Why don’t you clean up, and I’ll get the boat going to head back towards Leo’s. I am sure we could find a quiet place to anchor for an hour or so; make good use of that stateroom.”

She kissed him sweetly and when he was wrapped up in returning it, she slipped out from under him. 

“That’s the second time today you’ve denied me, Trix. Careful or I’m going to develop a complex.”

“Ha! Okay… whatever you say, Hollywood,” she said as she blew him a kiss and headed up to the Captain’s Chair to get the Sunset Dreams in motion.

Once the engines were roaring, she carefully maneuvered the vessel out of its slip and back into the channel that led to the open bay waters. It was a tight squeeze through Water Street’s marina, but she took her time and eventually got the boat clear and headed towards open waters. She could hear Jensen below deck, humming to himself as he went about cleaning up. A minute or two later, music began playing from the galley and she correctly assumed he found Leo’s hidden stereo system that was wired to play through the entire vessel. While he scanned the radio stations, she kept her vision straight ahead but her thoughts reflected on the day.

Their earlier conversation was fresh in her mind, though she tried her best not to show him how much it had affected her. She knew that he loved her, and that she could trust him. But the way he handled her mother, the way he held her and just let her cry… the overwhelming surge of love she felt for him was unexpected and threw her for a loop. She was scared, but invigorated by the excitement he made her feel. She could be her authentic self around him with no worry of judgement or repercussions. Other than her father, she never felt like that around anyone else in her life.

From below, she could hear him scanning the stations and when he finally found something he liked, she heard the volume turn all the way up. He was singing along at the top of his lungs as he moved around down there. Y/N had to resist the urge to go wrap her arms around him, then let him take her to bed. She gave one last look at the gauges and noticed gas was low. Knowing there was enough to hit the cove, then get back to Leo’s marina, she set the course to head back to the secluded spot for a bit before returning her uncle’s prized vessel.

Jensen had finished cleaning up and fiddled with the radio for a bit trying to find a good XM Station. He caught a classic rock one that played one great song after the next, and when Bryan Adam’s Summer of 69 started up three songs later, he celebrated with a quiet fist pump and began to sing along again. He was so wrapped up in the song and tidying up around the galley, he never felt the Sunset Dreams come to a stop, nor did he hear Y/N come down the small flight of stairs. 

By the second chorus, he turned and saw her there. A grin on her face stretched ear to ear, casually leaning against the frame of the doorway that led down into the small kitchen area. Jensen didn’t care for a second that he got busted, nor did he miss a beat. He went to her, grabbed her hand and pulled her down the steps and into the kitchenette. Jensen moved her in animated fashion, twirling her around the galley, then gripping her waist tight, and dipping her back as he sang at the top of his lungs…

“Oh when you held my hand, 

I knew that it was now or never.

Those were the best days of my life.

OH YEAH!”

His whole demeanor caused her to erupt with laughter. The more he danced and sang with her, the harder she laughed. When the song finally ended, they were both trying to catch their breath. The first few notes of Bad Company’s Feel Like Makin’ Love began to play through the speakers, and any thoughts either of them had to take a breather, was gone. 

Jensen’s hands were on her waist again, pulling her closer against him. Y/N wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him hard. Clothes flew off in all directions as he walked her back a few steps towards the small bedroom. Y/N fell back onto the bed and giggled as Jensen struggled to get his last bit of clothing off before he pulled down her bikini bottoms. He stood back for a moment and just allowed his eyes to drink her in and appreciate just how magical she really was. Every inch of her body, flawed or not, was beautiful to him. From a single strand of hair, down to the tips of her toes, there wasn’t an inch of her he wasn’t fascinated by. 

Y/N propped herself up on her elbows and flashed him a wanting look. “Jay… you’re doing that staring thing again.”

“How could I not... “ he slowly climbed on the bed, gently pushed her to lay down and hovered his body over hers. “...when I have the most amazing woman in the world, naked, laying here in front of me.”

“You’re gonna get laid, you don’t have to lay it on so thick,” she teased. 

His eyes grabbed hers and refused to let go. When he spoke again, his voice was raspy and low. “I know there’s a dirty joke in there somewhere, but right now all I want to do is show you how much I love you.”

Jensen kissed her sweetly, but the sweetness faded to passion almost immediately. They didn’t need foreplay; the whole day had been leading up to this moment. She was ready for him, and relished in the way he took her; slowly letting himself slide into the part of her that ached most for him, and letting his lips linger on hers as he did. Y/N softly moaned his name as her head dipped back, and his mouth trailed lingering kisses down her chin to her neck. 

There was no hurry, no animalistic urge taking over this time. Each time their bodies came together, the rush of love and intimacy was what made it feel euphoric. Sex was a common occurrence for them and never once had it been mediocre or vanilla. They made love until their bodies couldn’t hold out any longer, and when Y/N’s orgasm hit her, she wrapped her arms tightly around his shoulders, pulling his mouth to hers as she whispered “I love you” into his lips. Her words alone made Jensen’s climax follow, and he gripped her just as tight. 

When his body stopped shaking, he rolled off her and laid on the bed beside her. He immediately drew her against him, and she rested her head on his chest while his fingers lightly glided along her arm. 

“I love you, Trix,” he said softly, followed by a loving kiss against her forehead. “More than I could ever really explain.”

Y/N snuggled closer into him and closed her eyes. She felt her body relax against his, and as his breathing slowed and leveled out, Y/N could feel herself fall further into a state of relaxation that she hadn’t felt in a long time. The sun, water, food and sex had done them in and Y/N and Jensen were lulled to sleep by the gentle waves rocking the Sunset Dreams.

By the time Y/N opened her eyes again, the light in the stateroom was much dimmer than it had been when they stumbled in earlier. She sat straight up and immediately felt how cold the room had become. 

“What the fuck,” she mumbled, then looked over at Jensen, who was still snoring softly beside her. “Jensen… Jay… wake up.” She gave his arm a tap, waited a moment, then gave him a harder tap. 

He woke up with a snort, and wiped at some drool that had escaped the corner of his mouth.  “What time… where…” the roar of a jet ski engine whizzed past the port window, “right… Boat.”

“We passed out,” she said as she got up off the bed, taking the blanket and wrapping it around her shoulders. “Why is it so cold in here? Did we sleep until winter?”

“Oh shit, no. I forgot, when I came down here earlier to clean up, I found the air conditioning controls. Thought I would cool it off down here since it was so hot out on deck before.”

Y/N heard his words, but couldn’t react. After he said the words air conditioner, her mind was reeling. 

“No… no no no,” she mumbled and started to scan the floor for her clothes. 

“What? Did I do something wrong?”

“No, not at all. I just--just wait. Let me…” she got distracted looking for her clothes, then remembered the rest were in the kitchen. Jensen, half amused, watched her with fascination as she procured her top and shorts and tried to put them on as she stumbled through the galley towards the stairs to the deck. “Be right back!”

Y/N got to the Captain’s chair and checked the gauges. She saw the gas had run down lower, but it still registered there was enough fuel to get them back. She fell back into the seat with a relieved sigh and laughed to herself. Jensen appeared a moment later, back to fully clothed and peering over her shoulder with concern. 

“We okay? Something wrong?”

“Low on fuel. Thought the AC would have drained it but I guess we’re good,” she shrugged, and went to turn the engines back on. 

When they first failed to turn over, she brushed it off, waited a moment and tried again. Nothing. Looking back over her shoulder, Jensen replied with a silent shrug. Y/N tried again, and this time, the gas gauge fell straight to E. 

“What the fuck,” she mumbled and flicked it with her fingers. When she did, it sprang back up to full, then fell to half, then fell back to empty. She felt her stomach drop, then couldn’t help the fit of laughter that followed. 

Jensen watched her in amusement. “What?” 

“Gauge is broken,” she laughed, “we’re out of gas.”

“Are you messing with me?” he asked, half joking, half serious. “Tell me you’re joking, Trix.”

Y/N shook her head. “Wish I could, but… nooope. We are stuck.”

“You’re way too cool about this.”

“It’s not a big deal, but--” Y/N’s cell phone started to ring from the depths of her clutch down in the galley, cutting off her words. “How much you wanna bet that’s Leo.”

Y/N jumped up and ran down into the galley, grabbing it on the last ring before voicemail. 

“Hello?” she answered half breathless.

“You took it again, didn’t you?” Leo asked, his tone already resigned with knowing.

“Ummm… yeah.”

“Wish you woulda asked. Gas gauge is broken.”

“Sorta just figured that out. That’s actually why I came to the office this morning. Was going to ask you to borrow the boat today.”

“Honey, about that--”

“Leo, I appreciate you wanting to talk, but right now, I just wanna get this thing moving and come back; enjoy the rest of my vacation. I promise you, we will talk though.”

“Alright. If that’s what you want to do. I’ll give Gus a call and have him meet you out that way. Where are ya?”

“We are anchored out by the cove, across from Water Street.”

“Hang tight. Have someone out soon.”

They said their goodbyes, and Y/N returned her phone to the counter with a relieved sigh. She knew her uncle wouldn’t care about the boat. A service call for a fill up is a drop in the bucket for him. The relief was more because he didn’t press the issue. Leo liked to talk things out to death sometimes, and that weekend was for her and Jensen. Sherry’s unexpected return already threw a wrench in things, but she didn’t want to go back to that dumpster fire of a situation.

Y/N turned to head back up, and Jensen was already coming down the stairs. “What’d he say?”

“He’s sending out his friend Gus with fuel. Gus doesn’t live too far from here, and it’s not the first time this has happened so…” she trailed off with a shrug, but a bit of melancholy threatened beneath it. “It will take him an hour at least. You already cleaned up in here, I’ll go take care of the stateroom.”

She turned to leave and Jensen gently grabbed her arm. “Whoa, whoa. Hold on there, Trix. What’s up? Don’t act all cool for my benefit. What else did Leo say?”

“Just wanted to talk about what happened today. Told him we could, just not now. I just want to enjoy our time together. Not think about anymore bullshit.”

“I couldn’t agree more.” Jensen smiled at her softly, the crinkles around his eyes slightly more defined. As he cupped the side of her face with his palm, she leaned into him and closed her eyes. She leaned forward and rested her head against his chest as he moved his arms to wrap around her snuggly. “The rest of today and tomorrow. It’s all for us. Then Tuesday we get back to real life. Until then, I say we have the best damn time we can have. Eat and drink ourselves into a comatose state and then wake up and go nuts on each other.”

Y/N snorted a laugh into his chest and when she looked up at him, he was flashing her a cheesy smile and wiggling his brows. 

“You read my mind,” she replied and hugged him back while she rested her head back on his chest.

“Good. So, what’s on tonight’s agenda?”

“Let’s go find a bar with some live music, have a few shots, few drinks… go make out on the beach again.”

“See, this is why we get along so well,” Jensen teased. “Now go clean up in there, woman, I’ll get our stuff together.”

A couple hours later, Leo’s boat had been returned, and Jensen and Y/N finally made their way to their room at the Grenville. Each enjoyed a refreshingly cool shower and changed, ready for a night out on the boardwalk. After some quick Google searching and little consideration, Y/N told him where to go so they could go check out EJ’s Tap House. She had been there many times before and knew the venue well. It was a corner bar up on the boardwalk, right at the end of the pier with the rides. They always had great live bands, and the beer on tap was cold ‘n cheap. It was easily her favorite place to hang out in. 

Jensen parked the rental car, and was once again hit in the face with the overwhelming aroma of boardwalk food. 

“I know we ate but damn, we are going to have to get something up here later.”

“It’s Labor Day weekend, everything will be open, I promise,” she laughed and caught up to him in front of the car. Jensen grabbed her hand and led the way up the ramp to the main boardwalk.

The band playing that night at EJ’s was one Y/N had seen a few times in a variety of places up and down the shore. 7Minds was a popular local band, but had turned her down when she approached them about the festival. When she saw they were playing at her favorite bar, she knew that’s where they needed to go.

As they walked through the room, they found a quiet table off to the side of the stage. Once the seats were claimed, Jensen went to the bar to get their drinks, and Y/N sat watching the band set up the stage with their mics, speakers and instruments. As a musician herself, she was always fascinated with other musicians’ and their process of setting their stage. She had never played anything much bigger than a burlesque show at the Bamboo; but with that she had the rest of the cast, props… costumes. She could become Trixie Luna and transform herself into someone with the real confidence it takes to fill a stage. As she sat and watched, she couldn’t help but question if she could do that as herself, and more importantly, BY herself. Robbie was so adamant about her playing a set. But even with the promise of Louden Swain behind her, she didn’t know if her presence would be enough to conquer the stage successfully.

By the time Jensen returned with their drinks, the band had finished their setup, then vacated the stage. Due to start in a few minutes, Jensen moved his chair to sit beside her and get a better view.

“Is this one of the festival bands?” he asked after sipping at his bottle of beer.

“Nope, they turned me down.”

“Seriously? Why? H-How do you turn down an opportunity like that?”

Y/N shrugged. “Never really got a firm reason. They just declined every time I called. Wouldn’t even really hear me out.”

“Then why did you wanna come hear them play? Screw them.”

“They’re a good band, Jay. They got a big following. Thought if I could catch them in person... “ she gave an innocent shrug and took a swig from her own bottle.

“Ah, I gotcha. Gonna corner them and turn on the charm… good plan.”

“No, I’ll corner them, YOU charm them. I need you to put your famous face to work, baby,” she winked animatedly and shot him a finger gun.

He feigned disgust with her and leaned back in his chair. “How dare you, madam. I am not your whore. Just a pretty face to peddle out when you need something.”

She playfully blew him off. “Mmmhmm, whatever you say.”

“Seriously though, I thought you wanted to just enjoy the weekend. No family drama, no work…”

“Have you seen me pick up my cell phone once?”

“Leo did call earlier.”

She rolled her eyes. “Have you seen me pick up my phone for WORK, once?”

“No, I have not.”

“See, I’m being good. But, I want to give it one more try with them. If they aren’t even slightly receptive, I won’t push it.”

“Promise? Cause I’ve seen you work. I know how persistent you can be.”

“That’s when I was trying to impress you. You’re mine now. I can stop trying,” Y/N shrugged and casually looked away.

Before Jensen could throw out yet another sarcastic remark, the band interrupted his thought as they took the stage. All seven members got ready and within a minute, their instruments were in hand and they began to jam. 

Right off the bat, Jensen could see why she was still in pursuit of them for the festival. Their sound was a very unique blend of Jazz, Rap and Ska, and their energy was off the charts.  The set list varied in covers and originals, one of which made the crowd scream with excitement as the opening notes of the local’s favorite Seaside Tony began to play. Jensen found himself laughing at the lyrics and tapping his feet to the music.

The crowd was singing along, and the vibe of the bar was infectious. Jensen kept stealing glances over at Y/N, and found he enjoyed watching her even more than the band and the crowd. Her eyes were as wide as her smile as she moved to the music in her chair. 

Eventually she felt him watching her, and instead of calling him out on it, she leaned in closer to him. “They’re awesome, aren’t they? I love how they just command the entire place’s attention.”

“They are friggin’ fantastic! Kinda hard not to command a room with seven guys on the stage and making that level of noise.”

“I’ve seen them do it with some slower covers too. They’re just infections.”

“So are you, you know,” he said and gave her a look that said, you better know it.

“I’m serious, Jay-”

“So am I, Y/N. You could get up there right now, with nothing but a guitar and get just as much attention as these guys do. In fact, I bet you anything you could do it.”

“Yeah, well, I guess we’ll see. I’m supposed to play a set with Robbie and the guys at the festival…”

“Don’t tell me you're nervous?”

“Of course I am,” she laughed and turned her body away from the stage to face him. “I’m terrified, Jensen. Look at those guys, this is like second nature to them.”

“I’ve seen you on a stage, it's in your nature, too.”

“No, not like that. Not--” Y/N stopped herself and looked back at the stage. She didn’t know how to describe her fear so that he could understand. “It’s not that… I know I am meant to write, play and create music; to work with other musicians. I guess I’m just not yet convinced I am meant to be in the spotlight. I play smaller bars than this. To play EJ’s would have been a dream come true.”

“Yeah, so… do it. You could get up there and take this whole place over. You’ll do it at the festival, too. I know you will.”

The love and encouragement he flooded her with in his gaze was physically overwhelming. She could feel her nerves begin to fade, not completely, but enough to waylay them for the moment. 

“What the hell did I do in this world to have met somebody like you? You’re not real… you can’t be.”

“Why? Because I have faith in you? Because the way you interpret music and the sound of your voice fascinates me? Baby, that’s all you. I’m just along for the ride and holding on for dear life. Because I never, ever want to be without you or the feeling you give me.”

Y/N leaned in and kissed him, letting her lips linger for a moment before pulling away. She wanted to say I love you, but the words got stuck somewhere in her throat. She’d said them to him a dozen times or more, but right then and there, all she could do was smile.

The band interrupted their moment when they announced they were taking a short break. Jensen gave Y/N a wink, and without saying anything, got up from the table. Y/N assumed he was going for another round, or maybe a chance at the bathroom before the line grew again. Y/N was lost in her own thoughts about Jensen and the festival, when she felt the presence of someone approaching. Looking up with a wide grin, thinking it was Jensen, it quickly faded into a surprise when she saw one of the guys from the band standing in front of her.

“Hey, this is probably weird but, are you (Y/N L/N)? I’m Casey… I play the trumpet in the band.” His hand reached out to hers, and as she shook it, she remembered him more clearly. 

“Yes, I am, and I remember you, Casey. We spoke on the phone, twice.”

“We did?” he said, his face scrunched curiously trying to remember as he ran a hand through his shaggy brown hair. 

“About the festival, in Austin later this month….”

“Hmmm…. No, I know you from the Bamboo. You sing with The Corsettes, right?”

“Yeah, I do. But you don’t remember talking to me… turning me down for the music festival in Austin?”

Casey pulled out Jensen’s seat and sat it in. “Naw dude, I have no idea. I mean, I vaguely remember one of the guys mentioning it, but he said it was all bogus.”

Y/N let out a surprised laugh. “Bogus? Naw dude,” she replied, mocking his response. “It’s very real. I’ve spent the last almost year of my life helping to plan it.”

She gave Casey the short version of the details about the festival, and could tell it was the first he was hearing it all. When she finished, he leaned back in his seat, and again ran his hand through his hair. 

“Man, I’m gonna kill these guys. That sounds fucking amazing. We would have jumped at the chance to play something like that!”

“It’s not too late, I am sure we could find a place for you if you wanna talk to them about it.”

“Most definitely--”

Jensen cleared his throat, stopped Casey in mid thought. “Sorry pal, the girl and the seat are both taken.” He carefully placed the two drinks on the table and straightened his shoulders, keeping his eyes glued to the strange guy in his seat. 

“Oh, my bad man! I just recognized Y/N and wanted to come say hi. Then she told me about the festival, and--” this time, Casey interrupted himself and starred at Jensen in disbelief. “Holy shit! Dude! I know you too! You’re on TV! My sister watches your show constantly!” 

Casey jumped up from the seat and stretched out his hand to Jensen. Jensen’s steely expression fell and was quickly replaced by a smile. “Oh wow, that’s awesome,” he said, shaking Casey’s hand. “Tell your sister I said thank you for watching.”

“This night is crazy,” Casey laughed and shook his head as he pulled out his cell phone. “Can I get a picture with you guys?!”

“Sure man,” Jensen agreed and went to stand closer to Casey. 

“You guys go for it, I’ll take the pic,” Y/N suggested, but Casey shook his head.

“Hell no, you’re in this too!” Casey waved her over, insisting, so she went. 

They snapped a few pictures and Casey tucked away his phone. “I gotta get back but hang out till after our set if you can and let me have more info on that festival. If it's not too late, we are definitely in!”

Y/N agreed and as Casey started to walk away, Jensen grabbed his shoulder and said something quietly. Between the noise of the bar, and the band starting to re-enter the stage, Y/N couldn’t hear what Jensen had said. Brushing it off, Y/N picked up her fresh bottle of beer Jensen brought over and waited for the band to start up again.

They played another hour long set, and the crowd’s energy didn’t dissipate once. Playing all the fan favorites, they slipped in a few covers before the set wound down. After their original Smuggling Snails, Casey approached the main microphone on the stage, as the other front men of 7Minds took a few steps back out of the spotlight.

“Thank you guys so much for always coming out to jam with us, sing along and get sloppy ass drunk while doing it! Before we close tonight though, I want to invite a local fan favorite to join us up here. Most of you guys have probably seen her at the Bamboo, leading those sexy ass Corsettes around, or strumming her guitar down at the Beachcomber on Sunday nights. Either way, tonight, she belongs to us and EJ’s Tap House! Y/N L/N, get your man and get your ass up here!”

Y/N’s stomach dropped and when she looked over at Jensen, he was grinning ear to ear. 

“Did you do this?” she asked, her face wrought with shock. “When you talked to him before he left, did you tell him to do this?”

“No ma’am,” he said, shaking his head, then holding up his infamous Boy Scout salute. “Scout’s Honor.”

From the stage, Casey’s voice filled the sound system thru the bar, “Come on, Y/N! Show these people what they’re hometown girl can do!”

Y/N smiled at him nervously, and slowly began to stand up. “You’re coming with me,” she muttered as she reluctantly moved closer to the stage. The crowd was starting to send her cheers of encouragement, which helped move her feet along. 

Jensen was right at her side. When they got on the stage, all but one member of the band stepped out of sight, leaving only the acoustic guitar player ready to accompany them. As Y/N and Jensen climbed the short staircase to the stage, the guitar player whispered, “What do you guys wanna do?”

Y/N went blank, all the songs, duets in particular, she and Jensen had discussed singing were completely vacated from her head. But Jensen didn’t hesitate, he leaned in and whispered to the man, Shallow. Yes, they had discussed it, but they hadn’t practiced that one together yet. Knowing exactly where her thoughts were headed, Jensen gave her hand a quick squeeze as he walked behind her to approach the second mic. 

The guitar player began to strum the first few notes of the song, and the crowd picked up on the song immediately. Most of the women in the place responded with excited hoots and hollers. Y/N gave Jensen a nervous glance, and as the music rounded to his beginning lyrics, he gave her a little wink and began to sing. 

“Tell me somethin', girl

Are you happy in this modern world?

Or do you need more?

Is there somethin' else you're searchin' for?

I'm falling

In all the good times I find myself

Longin' for change

And in the bad times I fear myself...”

Y/N loved the sound of his voice, and any time she heard it, she found herself getting lost in his full, rich tone with the gritty edges. She was so mesmerized by him singing those few lines, the nerves the crowd gave her dissipated almost immediately. Being on stage, singing next to him, gave her an immediate bout of confidence she didn’t know was possible.

The acoustic guitar came around to her first lines, and when she began to sing, she closed her eyes and just let Jensen’s presence guide her. 

“Tell me something, boy

Aren't you tired tryin' to fill that void?

Or do you need more?

Ain't it hard keeping it so hardcore?

I'm falling

In all the good times I find myself

Longing for a change

And in the bad times I fear myself”

As she sang the words, it was as if she was hearing them for the first time. The words, so perfectly suited for her and her life… always fearful, afraid of change, yet longing for adventure. The way her life was, to the way her life is… she felt her stomach surge with passion, and the heat from the lights fell warm on her skin. The melody of the guitar began to swell, and so did her voice.

“I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in

I'll never meet the ground

Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us

We're far from the shallow now”

When Jensen’s voice reconnected with hers for the chorus, they blended together flawlessly. The harmony was so perfect, she couldn’t help but smile and look over at him. Their eyes locked as they sang...

“In the shallow, shallow

In the shallow, shallow

In the shallow, shallow

We’re far from the shallow now...”

He backed off from the microphone again, letting her carry the song to the bridge. Her voice carrying over the crowd and completely captivating them into near silence. Until the very end, Y/N let herself go and felt the words and the music surging through her.

“Oh. oohhhh, oh, ohhhh, ohhhhhhhhh….

Ohhh Oh, oohh oohhhhhhhhhhhh….

I'm off the deep end, watch as I dive in

I'll never meet the ground

Crash through the surface, where they can't hurt us

We're far from the shallow now”

One more time, Jensen joined her to carry the song to the end. When they finished, they were again looking at each other. The roar of the bar crowd was deafening and Y/N couldn’t stop herself from throwing her arms around Jensen’s neck and hugging him with every ounce of adrenaline that was coursing through her veins. 

As he held her close, his lips were gentle against her ears. “They love you Trix, and so do I.”

Tag List: 

Everything:  @coffeebooksandfandom / @sorenmarie87 / @yallgotkik / @thefaithfulwriter / @sister-winchesters99 / @thymeheals / @keymology / @divadinag

SPN RPF (Jensen): @screechingartisancashbailiff / @winchesterxfamilybusiness / @sandlee44 / @wings-of-a-raven / @negans-wife / @kazosa / @deans-baby-momma / @teaspoin / @whiskeyandapplepie / @hobby27 / @breereadsthings / @maddiepants / @adoptdontshoppets / @squirrelnotsam / @faughnphotography / @katehuntington / @his-paradox / @deansenwackles / @destielhoneybee

When You Least Expect It:  @mrsjenniferwinchester / @vickyfarley / @winchest09 / @jerkbitchidjitassbutt / @aomi-nabi / @luciathewinchestergirl / @alexiswinchester / @seppys-return-to-madness / @donnaintx / @deans-baby-momma / @the-is13 / @stoneyggirl / @captaindorit0 / @fanfictionjunkie1112 / @focusonspn / @deanwanddamons / @theebeee / @ultimatecin73​ / @deanwinchesterswitch​

Wanna get in on one of my tag lists? View the different Tag Lists, and send me an ask with which one you’d like to be on! Series Tags are on one sheet, Character tags on a second sheet.

[asimawv]

I write and conceptualize story to music, so I’ve compiled a playlist of 30 Darkest Dungeon-specific songs that I listen to when writing (and subsequently re-writing) in no particular order, which I hope will help you set the vibe too. :+)

Names in bold are links for easy listening - tons of Hozier and Of Monsters and Men up ahead, five minute warning.

1. ‘Fire and the Flood’ - Vance Joy

If you listen to nothing else on this list, listen to this one - it’s the kind of song that’s made for movies about yearning. Folk influences, choruses of trumpets and vocal harmony, and instruments that are layered for a rich, resonant sound. This is the song I imagine Dismas and Reynauld horse-racing through a crowded outdoors market in the hamlet to, and the song I listened to nonstop freshman year when I first started writing The Myth of Sisyphus.

You're the fire and the flood And I'll always feel you in my blood Everything is fine When your hand is resting next to mine Next to mine You're the fire and the flood

The chorus is built around biblical allusions to the fire (the burning bush signifying first contact) and the flood (destruction of the first world), the beginning and end. Every line is similarly evocative of Darkest Dungeon in their simplicity (“I’ve been getting used to waking up with you,” etc.)

2. ‘Soldier, Poet, King’ - The Oh Hellos

By the title alone you can guess who this is for. Even the Guild quote for the Leper approaches these three things as the defining parts of his character (specifically it’s “a ruined man, a warrior, and a poet.”) This song coincidentally has an old world influence to it, with a Medieval Renaissance style from a guitar playing a lute-adjacent melody.

There will come a ruler Whose brow is laid in thorn Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei oh lai oh Lord Oh lei, oh lai, oh lei, oh Lord Smeared with oil like David's boy, oh lei oh lai oh Lord

To be smeared with oil is to be anointed by a prophet and thus chosen by god himself to be king, just as David was and his boy after him (presumably Solomon). There’s something strangely wistful about the imagery, which is just how I like my songs about bygone kings.

3. ‘Exit Hymn’ - Bear Attack!

This song is about the end of the world in a version where everyone simply stands together in silence watching, rather than having the masses swarming in panic.

Lovely shapes to the world descending, Brothers and sisters. Lovely shapes to the world descending, Brothers and sisters Mute.

It defies Lovecraftian horror, which is based on the premise that “common human laws and interests and emotions have no validity or significance in the vast cosmos-at-large” - it flies in the face of existential nihilism and the despair that it should bring us. That’s why I like this song for deaths in the end-boss fight; it also has a special place for other death-related ideas, like full-party wipes - entire teams of people vanishing into the dungeons, gone insane, holding hands while the darkness surrounds them.

It’s a bare song which has a sanctity to it, mostly just piano and rain and human voices. Just what you would hear at the end of the world.

More under the cut:

4. ‘Pursuit of Glory’ - Jhameel

This song is laid-back. It doesn’t have the Homeric intensity that some of the other songs here do - it’s a guy with a guitar and vocal harmony. By god is it a great piece of writing though (all of Jhameel’s older songs have that quality to them), and all of it is evocative of Darkest Dungeon.

So many eyes set on the path to glory Too many ties, friendship is for the lonely Can't still my heart, my tongue has tasted folly Thirsty for art, hungry for power and money

This is a song for everyone in the barracks, especially the ‘laundry list’ of people and their approaches to the pursuit of glory.

5. ‘Good Old Days’ - Macklemore (feat. Kesha)

This fucker put a Macklemore song in here. I did, yeah. It’s not even the only song with Kesha in it here (I’m sorry.) 

It’s a sentimental pop song, and I am sentimental to a fault. This is Darkest Dungeon AMV material, and I always mishear one of the lines as “we were underground, loaded mercs in that 12-passenger van” so it’s here.

We've come so far, I guess I'm proud And I ain't worried about the wrinkles around my smile I've got some scars, I've been around I've felt some pain, I've seen some things, but I'm here now Those good old days

6. ‘Past Lives‘ - Kesha

Here it is, the other Kesha song - this was introduced to me by a good friend, also in a Darkest Dungeon context. There’s just something about the lovers spanning time trope and finding each other in one life to the next that is irresistible (for the obvious reason in the context of Darkest Dungeon.) It’s a soft song, totally out of place in Kesha’s typical discography, and has a line about losing someone to the crusades, so... you know.

There's just somethin' about you I know Started centuries ago though You see your kiss is like a lost ghost Only I would know But I, I keep on falling for you Time after time Time after time

7. ‘Viva la Vida’ - Coldplay

You cannot fight this. You know that this is the song for King Baldwin IV of Jerusalem, you know it is. Did you know the official name of this genre of music is “Baroque pop”? Yes, that means more songs like this exist. You will live with this information now.

Don’t fight it. Just let it wash over you.

I hear Jerusalem bells are ringing Roman Cavalry choirs are singing Be my mirror, my sword and shield My missionaries in a foreign field For some reason I can't explain Once you go there was never, never an honest word And that was when I ruled the world

Mirror, sword, and shield, the three other members of his party, his missionaries in a foreign field. Thinking emoji. I typed that out so I wouldn’t have a repeat of the crab emoji incident.

8. ‘The Boxer’ - Jerry Douglas (feat. Mumford & Sons, Paul Simon)

Partly inspired by the Bible, Simon & Garfunkle’s ‘The Boxer’ is a folk rock song about poverty, loneliness, and homesickness. It’s written and sung in a style that’s strongly reminiscent of older times, and the final verse about its eponymous boxer is particularly powerful:

In the clearing stands a boxer And a fighter by his trade And he carries the reminders Of ev'ry glove that laid him down Or cut him till he cried out In his anger and his shame "I am leaving, I am leaving" But the fighter still remains

This is what I use for Dismas’ life leading into organized crime and his foolish abandonment of stable job prospects in a half-baked bid for fame, as well as being punched down over and over again but with nowhere else to go. That last part is widely applicable across the cast.

9. ‘I Will Wait’ - Mumford & Sons

I am but a simple man. I see 'folk rock' and add it to my Darkest Dungeon playlist. This song I use for Reynauld - it has that sort of “salt of the earth,” somewhat biblical humility in its choice of words and style. 

Raise my hands Paint my spirit gold And bow my head Keep my heart slow

10. ‘Little Lion Man’ - Mumford & Sons

Have we not beaten this song to death yet? Can you blame us? This is the people’s song. We reserve it for all of our favorite fuck-up characters, as primal as Saturn devouring his son. We love this song. Jesus.

Tremble for yourself, my man, You know that you have seen this all before Tremble little lion man, You'll never settle any of your scores Your grace is wasted in your face, Your boldness stands alone among the wreck Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

The line about learning from your mother in particular is why I think of this song for Dismas’ introspection, but I also associate it with the Hellion.

11. ’From Eden’ - Hozier

There’s too much Hozier in my playlists. There is so much of it, and it’s all important to me, says the hoarder. There’s something about profoundly intimate folk music that I love, and god put folk, R&B, blues, and alt rock into a Vitamix for 45 seconds to make Hozier.

Honey you're familiar like my mirror years ago Idealism sits in prison, chivalry fell on its sword Innocence died screaming, honey ask me I should know I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door

‘From Eden’ is, according to Hozier, about idolizing someone from a distance, written from the perspective of the devil “looking longingly at something he desires - for everything that he does not have.” I associate this song with the Grave Robber for its playfully nihilistic tone - Audrey does say something to the effect of being left for dead by high society and the affectionate bordering condescending address is on-brand.

12. ‘Cherry Wine’ - Hozier

‘Cherry Wine’ is unabashedly about domestic violence, and its sincerity is heartbreaking, the sanctification of the blood spilled in the name of keeping her.

The way she tells me I'm hers and she is mine Open hand or closed fist would be fine The blood is rare and sweet as cherry wine.

This song is strongly tied to the Vestal for me.

13. ‘Work Song’ - Hozier

A song about unconditional love - heaven and hell were just words, indeed.

When my time comes around Lay me gently in the cold dark earth No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her

I think of this song for both Dismas and the Abomination - it’s a song about love transcending spiritual and even physical need, complete devotion, but something about it is also not quite right. It’s morbid and excessive, self-pitying, and almost ugly in its sincerity.

14. ‘Sunlight’ - Hozier

The strong gospel influence with the choruses, church organ, religious fervor - I think it makes a great song for traveling scenes and church/altar scenes.

I had been lost to you, sunlight Flew like a moth to you, sunlight oh sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight Oh, your love is sunlight (sunlight, sunlight) But it is sunlight

15. ‘Arsonist’s Lullabye’ - Hozier

The gospel this time is paired with electric rock instrumentation. Something about the lamentation is unapologetic and matter-of-fact in its disturbing inclinations - this is Paracelsus’ song. Arguably representative of Bounty Hunter and Flagellant as well.

Now that I think about it, it’s great for Abomination as well. Damn.

All you have is your fire And the place you need to reach Don't you ever tame your demons But always keep 'em on a leash

16. ‘We Sink’ - Of Monsters and Men

Of Monsters and Men are closer to the indie rock/pop spectrum with influences of folk, with much less biblical influence and more folklore-inspired lyrics. They make for great trailer and action songs.

We are the sleepers, we bite our tongues We set the fire and we let it burn Through the dreamers, we hear the hum They say come on, come on, let's go So come on, come on, let's go

In Lovecraft’s Cthulu mythos, dreams are how the Old Ones commune with humans on the earth’s surface while they slumber in the ocean depths (Cthulhu fhtagn meaning “Cthulhu is dreaming”); I like to think of the ‘sleepers’ as the heroes being tasked to “set the fire” and the ‘dreamers’ being the Heir and Ancestor driven by some unseen force to unearth the antediluvian underground.

17. ‘I Of The Storm’ - Of Monsters and Men

Very somber song, overwhelmingly piano and snare drum and vocals. Also a great death scene song, or for introspection around the campfire, or played to reveal a major event.

If I could face them If I could make amends With all my shadows I'd bow my head And welcome them

18. ‘King and Lionheart’ - Of Monsters and Men

My favorite OMAM song - it’s clearly written about two children, kind of reminiscent of ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ in its fantastical nature, and very upbeat about the end of the world.

His crown lit up the way as we moved slowly Pass the wondering eyes of the ones that were left behind Though far away, though far away, though far away We're still the same, we're still the same, we're still the same

This part is reminiscent of the Leper’s journey, but the mentions of taking over a town, howling ghosts, the end of the world, a black sea and creatures lurking below, etc. are all evocative of Darkest Dungeon.

19. ‘Little Talks’ - Of Monsters and Men

Also very upbeat for its subject matter - according to OMAM, it’s a narrative of a woman speaking with the ghost of her dead husband, or going insane and believing that she’s speaking with her dead husband.

Some days I don't know if I am wrong or right Your mind is playing tricks on you, my dear 'Cause though the truth may vary This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore

The call-and-respond style of the song is haunting. I like this song for expeditions and afflicted heroes.

20. ‘Wolves Without Teeth’ - Of Monsters and Men

Suitable for both Occultist and Abomination, being consumed by an unseen and otherworldly force that inhabits them - well, maybe just rarely seen, in the Abomination’s case. Special mention to OMAM’s ‘Human,’ same conceptual backing but more raw.

You hover like a hummingbird Haunt me in my sleep You're sailing from another world Sinking in my sea, oh You're feeding on my energy I'm letting go of it He wants it

21. ‘Desierto’ (Original Motion Picture Score) - Woodkid

This is a full album, because all of it is dark orchestral cinema music described as ‘unsettling,’ with the sole exception of ‘Land of All,’ which has vocals to it. I reserve this album for writing fight scenes and for particularly unsettling events because it’s tense and wordless. I read Junji Ito to this soundtrack too, it’s insanely high-strung and discordant.

22. ‘Iron’ - Woodkid

‘Iron’ qualifies as Baroque pop - you might recognize this as the Assassin’s Creed: Revelations song. The large-scale, cinematic style of it and thematic lyrics make it great for writing about dramatic encounters or brigands.

This deadly burst of snow is burning my hands I'm frozen to the bones, I am A million miles from home, I'm walking away I can't recall your eyes, your face

23. ‘Never Let You Down’ - Woodkid (feat. LYKKE LI)

Another somber song, orchestral with some industrial noise in the mix - another great introspection song, or one for a scene with some hard decisions to be made.

Will you come along cause I'm about to leave this town In my eyes, a waterfall, all I can hear, a siren call Could you be waiting by the shore, oh I could drown without you Will you be holding out the line when I fall?

24. ‘Run Boy Run’ - Woodkid

Church bells, fast percussion, strong orchestral presence. For chase scenes, obviously, but great for fast-paced sneaking scenes as well. Also has a strong quasi-Medieval fantasy setting style to it.

Tomorrow is another day And you won't have to hide away You'll be a man, boy! But for now it's time to run, it's time to run!

25. ‘I Love You’ - Woodkid

Don’t let the scream effects and aggressive percussion at the beginning deter you (it kind of took me by surprise the first few times too) - it soon fades into more of the church bells and melodic string accompaniment.

Oh yeah, unrequited love song? It’s free (mental) real estate, baby.

Is there anything I could do Just to get some attention from you? In the waves, I've lost every trace of you Where are you?

26. ‘Vagabonds’ - Grizfolk

A rare departure from folk! Grizfolk is alt rock/indie pop. Stylistically it doesn’t match the feeling of Darkest Dungeon, but lyrically it’s almost 1:1 to arrival in the hamlet and the subsequent expeditions. Good song for writing about recruits bonding.

Oh this careless ground, guessing this is home now Oh in no man's land, at least we're still standing And we're all just fighting, some of us will not return And there's no redemption in trying to find your way out

27. ‘Everybody Wants To Rule The World’ - Lorde

Great trailer fuel, if you’ve seen the AC: Unity E3 trailer with this song - I listen to an extended version when writing fights in the Guild, especially one where two heroes are beefing. It’s got a primal kind of thing going on. I also associate this song with the Arbalest - lyrically, it fits her backstory like a glove.

Welcome to your life There's no turning back Even while we sleep We will find you

Acting on your best behavior Turn your back on mother nature

28. ‘Torches’ - X Ambassadors

More alt rock/indie pop - kind of a rallying song for dark expeditions, hopeful but still somber in nature - some gospel elements. X Ambassadors’ more popular ‘Renegades’ is also a fun tavern song.

Come on, carry your flame Carry it higher Leave it in the darkness Carry your torches

29. ‘Passing Afternoon’ - Iron & Wine

This is a song I use for reconciliation or domestic scenes - Dismas with Junia in the garden, for example. It’s soft and kind of meandering, and features vintage piano - you know, the piano you heard in the basement of your church turned community center as a child.

There are times that walk from you like some passing afternoon Summer warmed the open window of her honeymoon And she chose a yard to burn but the ground remembers her Wooden spoons, her children stir her Bougainvillea blooms

30. ‘Some Nights’ - Fun.

You know this song, your mom knows this song, everyone knows this song from like, middle school. Thought it’d be fun to end this list on an uplifting and very popular song. This is the song that a Disney adaptation of Darkest Dungeon would use in the Training Montage™ - from the point of view of Reynauld. It hits all of the points - being their commander rather than their equal, his stern and antisocial zealotry with no true ideology behind it, the ghost of his wife.

Verse 2, starting with “Well, that is it, guys, that is all / Five minutes in and I'm bored again” is where I see it transitioning to Dismas.

Well, some nights, I wish that this all would end 'Cause I could use some friends for a change And some nights, I'm scared you'll forget me again Some nights, I always win (I always win) But I still wake up, I still see your ghost Oh Lord, I'm still not sure what I stand for, oh What do I stand for? What do I stand for? Most nights, I don't know

_____

Well that’s all from me! Feel free to leave your own recommendations in the replies, and I’d love to know what you think about my personal picks. :+)

[your-angle-of-music]

Anyone want my playlist for my dream cast version of Les Miserables?

Here it is!

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLyXOfYb8cpflTuoC6FuFMwyCuD60-V0J4

It’s as close to the full show as I can get. Let me know if I miscredited anyone, am missing any major songs, or have anything listed out of order. I’m happy to be convinced that a different version of a song should reign supreme as well, so hit me up!

Song/actors list and explanations under the cut.

1. Overture/Work Song - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean, Terrence Mann as Javert (Original Broadway)

It’s a big, bombastic, awesome beginning. I definitely vibe with the especially over-the-top synth and these particular convicts’ generally growly, desperate tone. Wilkinson’s Valjean, eternally my favorite, doesn’t seem feral like some versions I’ve seen, but rather like he’s trying so hard to just be good and get through this and keep it together, until he snaps a bit at “My name is Jean Valjean” and the way he acts that gives me chills. Mann’s Javert seems more cold than over-the-top aggressive, which I always like, although he doesn’t stick out thaaat much to me.

2. On Parole/The Bishop - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean, Paul Monaghan as Bishop Myriel (10th Anniversary)

I love everything about Wilkinson’s Valjean’s “freedom is mine” bit. His unique diction and his perfect tenor-ness and the hope in his voice...yeah. The way he hits and holds that “fliiiiiiiight” note is also pretty perfect. It sounds like the scream he was holding in the whole time he was in prison. I also appreciate Monaghan’s Bishop’s sudden earnestness at the “But remember this, my brother” part and the way he holds that last low “I have bought your soul for God.”

3. Prologue/What Have I Done? - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean (Original London)

Wilkinson’s Valjean seems to make the beginning part properly fast and frantic, then switches to a gentle, heartwrenchingly vulnerable tone, then his absolutely anguished “this is all I have known.” As always, he excels at those high notes and long notes.

4. At the End of the Day - Lea Salonga as Fantine, Alfie Boe as Jean Valjean, Jeff Nicholson as the Factory Foreman (25th Anniversary)

All the women here sound so angry, at everyone and everything, and it’s pretty great. Honestly, it was Nicholson’s factory foreman here that really caught my ear, with his nasty “oi!” after the “and in a bed” line and his frankly terrifying “on your way!”. I like Salonga’s Fantine’s note of desperation, although she honestly could sound a little angrier. This track includes a tiny bit of the beginning of “I Dreamed a Dream” and then cuts off — sorry about that.

5. I Dreamed a Dream - Maureen Moore as Fantine (1988)

Something about this recording makes it sound like it’s much older than it is, and that slightly echoey sound makes it sound all the more haunting. A lot of Fantines sound enraged here, and I like that too, but something about Moore’s just utter sadness and vulnerability just sells it for me like no one else can. She sounds so young, because Fantine is. And then the way she belts “shame” is perfection. The way she goes from quiet and gentle at the beginning to desperate belting at the end and then the soft last lines murders my soul every time.

6. Lovely Ladies - Randy Graff as Fantine (Original Broadway)

Honestly...I haven’t found a version of this song that I love yet. There’s still this air of humor to it that feels incongruous at best and mean-spirited at worst. But I really like the worn-out, older sounding voices of a lot of the women singing to Fantine, and Graff’s Fantine’s anguish and slightly breaking voice is definitely good, as is her “don’t they know they’re making love to one already dead?”

7. Fantine’s Arrest - Caissie Levy as Fantine, Nathaniel Hackmann as Jean Valjean, Earl Carpenter as Javert (2014)

I love Levy’s Fantine here, with her fear and her fierceness. The way she spits out that “even a whore who’s gone to the bad won’t be had by a rat” is perfect in every way, as is her pleading after. Carpenter’s Javert has a lovely bass and is also cold and punchable, as all Javerts should be. This is one of the only songs on this playlist I have a video for, and I appreciate the blocking; the women crowding around Fantine and then fleeing, and the way Hackmann’s Valjean keeps his distance from Fantine and generally radiates  respect and tenderness.

8. The Runaway Cart - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean, Terrence Mann as Javert (Original Broadway)

Thank you @lesbianrung for this recommendation! The ensemble sounds frantic and scared here, sometimes screaming more than singing, but for a chaotic scene like this, it works. Mann’s Javert is more reserved here than some I’ve seen, a bit more like the authority-fearing, self-loathing Brick Javert. Wilkinson’s Valjean sounds like a wreck when he’s begging someone to help him lift the cart, does a great little nervous laugh on “say what you must, don’t leave it there,” and belts his “how can you be sure that I am not your man” to excellent effect.

9. Who Am I? - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean (Original Broadway)

Hey quick question did I mention that I love Colm Wilkinson? God that tormented shiver in Valjean’s voice...the softness of that last “I am damned”..his buildup up to “I’m Jean Valjean”...the way he hits that last “two-four-six-oh-oneeeeeeee”...yeah no there is one (1) Jean Valjean and that is Colm Wilkinson.

10. Come to Me/Fantine’s Death - Ruthie Henshall as Fantine, Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean (10th Anniversary)

Henshall’s Fantine sounds so gentle yet so powerful here. The way she sings “I will sing you lullabies and wake you in the morning” absolutely shatters me and always will.Her belting sounds beautiful and clear and perfect, vulnerable yet strong. The way she fades out on her last word, “wake,” is utterly haunting. Wilkinson’s Jean Valjean sounds soft and caring, and the way he half-breathes a lot of the words is. Oh.

11. The Confrontation - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean, Philip Quast as Javert (10th Anniversary)

Quast’s Javert has a true bass quality that really, really works, like in the way he says “you’ll wear a different chain.” In general, the way he seems to bite off his words and the steely determination of his voice is perfect. He balances really well with Wilkinson’s Valjean who, for the first time, sounds scary, but can switch to softness for the dead Fantine. The last “I will be there” is excellent all-around.

12. Castle on a Cloud - Zoë Hart as Little Cosette (Original London)

Hart’s Little Cosette is insanely good! She really does sound like a little kid and still has awesome acting and she’s in tune! Her “there is a lady all in white, holds me and sings me a lullaby” bit is heartbreaking.

13. Master of the House - Barry James as M. Thenardier, Gay Soper as Mme. Thenardier (International Symphonic)

James and Soper are my favorite Thenardiers of all time, by far. I like this longer version that mentions M. Thenardier’s Waterloo shenanigans. James’ Thenardier sounds gleefully evil, and I like his whispery, growly tone or rowdy almost-shouting. You can absolutely hear his nasty grin. His affected r-rolling also reminds me a lot of the Brick characterization. Soper’s Mme. Thenardier has a weasely quality to her voice that seems appropriate, but she does not shy away from the ruder lines (”lifelong shit,” “not much there,” “up the master’s ass,” etc.) and she, like her husband, seems to be having a lot of fun and lapping up the attention. I adore how she delivers her “bastard in the house” line.

14. The Bargain/Waltz of Treachery - Barry James as M. Thenardier, Gay Soper as Mme. Thenardier, Gary Morris as Jean Valjean, Marissa Dunlop as Little Cosette (International Symphonic)

Morris’ Valjean and Dunlop’s Little Cosette’s “la la la la la la la la” harmony is amazing and tender and adorable and may or may not make me cry which is not supposed to happen before Act II. Morris’ delivery of his “now her mother is with God” and “I stand here in her place” lines is powerful, too. The Thenardiers sound delightfully sleazy and dramatic, too. I like that Morris’ Valjean sounds actually angry at them, unlike many others I’ve seen. I almost have to admit though, I miss the movie version of the final lines, where they had “Will you be like a papa to me?”/”Yes Cosette, yes it’s true, I’ll be father and mother to you,” while here, like in other stage shows, they have “Will there be castles and children to see?”/”Yes Cosette, yes it’s true, there’s a castle just waiting for you” because 1) I like Valjean’s father and mother role that Hugo kept talking about in the Brick, and 2) in the musical, it seemed pretty clear that there weren’t actually any other children around Cosette until Marius showed up!

15. Suddenly - Hugh Jackman as Jean Valjean (2012 movie)

Yes, I’m including this song from the movie. Honestly, I don’t like the song itself that much, and I don’t think Jackman’s Valjean has the strongest voice, although his acting is extremely sweet, and when he almost whispers “full of light” and “like the sun” I definitely almost lose it. But I’m mainly including this song because the musical really did need a song that fills this role. The stage musical devotes a weirdly small amount of time to Cosette and Valjean’s relationship, considering that it drives Valjean’s actions for the rest of the story and it is central to the Brick (and one of my favorite parts of it, too). This is the first time that Valjean has ever felt truly loved in his life! Something suddenly HAS begun!

16. Look Down - Ross McCall as Gavroche, Anthony Warlow as Enjolras (International Symphonic)

I fell in love with this version because of the ensemble, honestly. It started out loud and powerful and strong, even more so than the Overture/Work Song bit. McCall’s Gavroche is beyond perfect, though. He is strong and sassy, and angry too, more than most Gavroches in the beginning, but he also sounds so young! Warlow’s Enjolras has an incredibly powerful voice as well, and makes a pretty awesome first impression.

17. The Robbery - Carrie Hope Fletcher as Eponine Thenardier, Rob Houchen as Marius Pontmercy, Cameron Blakely as M. Thenardier, James Gant as Javert (2013)

This is another song I’ve got the blocking for. It’s pretty standard, although I always like when a Marius, like Houchen’s, gets involved in the Fray to defend Cosette. I love the dynamic between Fletcher’s Eponine and Houchen’s Marius, with affection and teasing and care, and their little smiles and head shakes, but also with a bit of discomfort on Marius’ end — he seems a little awkward about trying to get his books back with minimal contact, and he seems to be deflecting the “I like the way you grow your hair” thing as nicely as he can, but definitely deflecting. Blakely doesn’t make much of an impression as Thenardier (although his “told you so” is really funny), and Gant is not my favorite Javert, but Fletcher’s “It’s Javert” is ridiculously awesome.

18. Stars - Philip Quast as Javert (10th Anniversary)

Quast’s Javert is...yeah, what else is there to say?

19. Eponine’s Errand - Kaho Shimada as Eponine Thenardier, Michael Ball as Marius Pontmercy (International Symphonic)

I wish this recording weren’t missing Gavroche’s little part beforehand, but I think Shimada’s Eponine and Ball’s Marius are worth the trade-off. Shimada sounds a little softer and sadder here, not angry like in some versions, which I don’t mind. But when she sees Marius, she switches to determinedly playful which is all the more heartwrenching. And her “I don’t want your money, sir” hurts. Ball’s Marius’ voice is nice and lovestruck and also not softening his single-minded obliviousness. I like his gentle desperation at his “Eponine, do this for me.” I also like that the lyric here is “don’t let her father know” instead of “don’t let your father know.”

20. Red and Black - Eddie Redmayne as Marius Pontmercy, Aaron Tveit as Enjolras, George Bladgen as Grantaire (2012 movie)

Embarrassing as it is to admit, Eddie Redmayne is my favorite Marius. He’s emotional and, well, a noodle, but also very sweet and sings well and has a higher, lighter voice than most Marii I’ve seen. He’s young!  They’re all so young! And I like that Tveit’s Enjolras feels a lot less shouty here ; it's more accurate to Brick descriptions of his interactions with his friends, and reflects his kind of angelic vibe. And I definitely appreciate that Bladgen’s Grantaire’s mocking is a little softer here — he knows a thing or two about impossible love. I do love his little laugh when he says “it is better than an opera.” And that last “they will come when we call” makes me feel things.

21. Do You Hear the People Sing? - Michael Maguire as Enjolras (Original Broadway)

Sometimes you need an angelic Aaron Tveit, and sometimes you need a powerhouse Michael Maguire. Damn.

22. In My Life - Judy Kuhn as Cosette, David Bryant as Marius Pontmercy, Frances Ruffelle as Eponine Thenardier, Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean (Original Broadway)

Kuhn’s Cosette has such a sweet voice, and you can hear her quiet fierce excitement in the beginning. She manages to sing Cosette’s high notes with softness and gentleness really well for the most part, although I’m not that fond of the sound on her “does he know I’m alive? do I know if he’s real?” high notes. Wilkinson’s Valjean seems gentler than some of the others I’ve seen, even on the “no more words” bit, and a lot of his negative emotion seems to be directed inward. Bryant’s Marius is in love, and sounds perhaps a bit too confident and a bit too old for my taste. No, what really stands out here is Frances Ruffelle’s Eponine. God, I love Frances Ruffelle’s Eponine. Starting off strong with that agonized “every word that he says is a dagger in me,” she sounds so young, with an almost-whiny, heartwrenching edge that reminds me the most of her Brick characterization, but she gets so gentle on her last “waiting here.”

23. A Heart Full of Love - Katie Hall as Cosette, Gareth Gates as Marius Pontmercy, Rosalind James as Eponine Thenardier (2010)

This recording picks up with James’ Eponine’s “waiting here,” definitely an interesting comparison. She sounds awesome throughout this piece, with a lovely warm alto voice. And I love love LOVE Katie Hall’s Cosette, with all her strength and sweetness. God, you can hear her smiling. She shines the most when she sings her softest lines, like “no fear, no regret,” “I'm awake,” and the last “after all.” Gates’ Marius is incredibly charming, but still absolutely an awkward mess, and you can hear him dying inside when he says “oh God, for shame, I do not even know your name.” The balance between all three of their voices is perfect.

24. Plumet Attack - Frances Ruffelle as Eponine Thenardier, Bernard Leo Burmester as M. Thenardier (Original Broadway)

Burmester’s Thenardier is properly scary here. Once again Ruffelle’s Eponine steals the show, belting all of her lines perfectly. Her “told you I’d do it” is haunting and perfect and brave in that oh-so-Eponine way, with a hint of petulance.

25. One Day More - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean, Terrence Mann as Javert, Judy Kuhn as Cosette, Davis Bryant as Marius Pontmercy, Frances Ruffelle as Eponine Thenardier, Bernard Leo Burmester as M. Thenardier, Jennifer Butt as Mme. Thenardier (Original Broadway)

Everyone starts out so soft, and they make this song build so perfectly and balance each other out impeccably. Ruffelle’s Eponine’s “one more day all on my own” bit rises above it all, and her voice sounds so clear and powerful and good. Also did you hear that loud and long “one day more!” out of Wilkinson’s Valjean? And Les Amis’ triumphant swelling chorus? Everyone here is superhuman, I swear.

26. Building the Barricade (Upon These Stones) - Michael Ball as Marius, Kaho Shimada as Eponine Thenardier, Anthony Warlow as Enjolras, Philip Quast as Javert (International Symphonic)

It’s mistitled as “At the Barricade” but I pinky promise it’s not. Ball’s Marius sounds genuinely concerned and touchingly pissed. Shimada’s Eponine is sweet and playful, and her “little you know, little you care” has very little bite, which I’m not sure I like. What I absolutely adore, though, is the bit where she delivers Marius’ letter to Morris’ Valjean. Shimada sounds suddenly shy, and Morris seems in full adopting mode. Something about this exchange just feels incredibly sweet to me. And then when Morris reads Marius’ letter, and his little pause in the “you love me as well” part is perfection.

27. On My Own - Frances Ruffelle as Eponine Thenardier (Original Broadway)

What can I say? Ruffelle’s Eponine absolutely kills it. She has a lovely husky voice that sounds sweet and sad and angry and powerful and broken all at once. I love the way she sings “in the rain, the pavement shines like silver” and “and I know it’s only in my mind, that I’m talking to myself and not to him” and “all my life I’ve only been pretending” and of course that “a world that’s full of happiness that I have never known.” The way she builds up from sweet fantasizing to absolute anguish...and then she breathes out those last “I love him”s and she sounds like the teenager Eponine is. God. I need a moment. Or several.

28. Javert at the Barricade - Terrence Mann as Javert, I can’t find the Gavroche which enrages me to no end (Original Broadway)

Mann’s Javert isn’t as dramatic as I’d like, but I’m here for Gavroche. I do miss the Les Amis dialogue that happens in newer versions of this song, but the older version of this song, which includes a lot more of “Little People” is better in my opinion because it makes Gavroche’s death scene all the sadder. I adore this particular Gavroche’s sassiness and spunk and his powerful voice.

29. A Little Fall of Rain - Frances Ruffelle as Eponine Thenardier, Michael Ball as Marius Pontmercy (Original London)

Ruffelle’s Eponine sounds so utterly vulnerable here, but with a hint of strange almost-happiness that reminds me of the Brick’s version of her death scene. Her voice feels lighter and sweeter here than anything else, and Ruffelle’s Eponine always has a different way of singing when Marius can hear her from how she sings when he can’t, and here we feel them merging together, especially at her “hold me now and let it be, shelter me, comfort me.” And I adore Ball’s Marius softness here, especially during the duet part. His “hush-a-bye, dear Eponine” is angelic. The whole song feels so intimate with them. This is always the point where I start crying.

30. Night of Anguish - Michael Ball as Marius Pontmercy, Anthony Warlow as Enjolras, Gary Morris as Jean Valjean (International Symphonic)

Somber all-around, and everyone’s voice is good. No performer sticks out that much, to be honest. I do get chills whenever the “Drink with Me” theme comes on in the background. And when Jean Valjean comes in, the rising terror of Les Amis becomes apparent, and all their voices are strong.

31. The Attack - David Burt as Enjolras (Original London)

Again, a plot song in between the big ones, so not too much to say here, but everyone sings well.

32. Drink With Me - Aaron Tveit as Enjolras, George Bladgen as Grantaire, Eddie Redmayne as Marius Pontmercy, Daniel Huttlestone as Gavroche Thenardier (2012 movie)

Just to warn you, the sound doesn’t kick in until a few seconds in. I absolutely love this version (once the generous poster re-added Grantaire’s solo, of course). I love Tveit’s Enjolras’ weariness and gentleness at the beginning, reminiscent of Brick Enjolras who loves his friends in his fierce and quiet way. You can hear the heartbreak in his “Marius, rest.” I love how Huttlestone’s Gavroche echoes Les Amis’ lines throughout the chorus — I’ve never seen that in any of the stage productions. And God, Bladgen’s Grantaire. He is so much more earnest here than others I’ve seen, and I appreciate that he gets quiet on “can it be, you fear to die?” as if he’s past defiant anger and is already grieving. He just has a clear, lovely voice. And although it sucks that the movie cut his solo out and it had to be edited in this way, I almost like how faraway it makes this part sound, as if Grantaire is still holed up in the Corinthe with his wine, looking down at his friends, half-awake and helpless. I appreciate that Redmayne’s Marius’ lyric was changed from “Would you weep, Cosette, should Marius fall?” to “Would you weep, Cosette, if I were to fall?” because it sounds a lot more like something someone would actually say. Also, this is another clip with video, and I’m really happy with how it looks, especially the way both Enjolras and Valjean are off to the distance and the way it pans to Valjean when Marius is singing about Cosette.

33. Bring Him Home - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean (10th Anniversary)

Wilkinson’s Valjean starts out so quiet, with the perfect sweet spot of vibrato. Literally all of his high notes sound perfect and still expressive! I almost don’t know what to highlight, but just listen to how he decrescendos on that “I am old, and will be gone” and the power in that “if I die, let me die” and that absolutely ethereal last “bring him home” which he holds for so so long for a note that high for a tenor. This man has the range, darlings.

34. Dawn of Anguish - Anthony Warlow as Enjolras (International Symphonic)

Warlow’s Enjolras absolute grief and tenderness is absolutely heartwrenching. The way he delivers the line “we will not abandon those who cannot hear.” And that little “Drink with Me” reprise feels like getting stabbed. Whenever they end it with “if I die, I die with you” I stop breathing for too many seconds.

35. The Second Attack/Death of Gavroche - Daniel Huttlestone as Gavroche Thenardier, Aaron Tveit as Enjolras, Hadley Fraser as the Army Officer (2012 movie)

Huttlestone’s Gavroche is amazing. You can hear that he’s in pain but not even scared as he sings in a clear, powerful voice. Fraser also killed his “you have no chance, no chance at all” and I’m honestly surprised he didn’t get cast as one of Les Amis. And, of course, Tveit’s Enjolras’ “until the Earth is free!” could have singlehandedly killed King Louis-Philippe.

36. Dog Eats Dog - Bernard Leo Burmester as M. Thenardier (Original Broadway)

Barry James’ Thenardier might be the funniest, but Burmester’s will always be the scariest. His growly tones and big dynamic changes and dramatic enunciation really make this. The breathy way he says “when the gutters run with blood” and his powerful final “the harvest moon shines down” is beyond chilling.

37. Javert’s Suicide - Philip Quast as Javert, Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean (10th Anniversary)

Wilkinson’s Valjean here is the angriest I’ve ever seen his portrayal of the character. There is so much pent-up bitterness in his “I knew you wouldn’t wait too long.” Quast’s Javert is wonderful, as always. In his duet part with Wilkinson, with his half-feral “I will be waiting, two-four-six-oh-one,” both of them shine. And then during his main soliloquy, when he goes from snarling, “it is either Valjean or Javert!” to sounding so soft and lost as he begins the “how can I now allow this man to hold dominion over me?” bit. And at his “by granting me my life today, this man has killed me even so,” you can hear him making his choice to jump, and it’s awful, and it’s perfect.

38. Turning - Original Broadway Cast

Oh, this song is so underrated, and these people do a particularly amazing job with it. Their voices sound so tired and worn, sometimes old and rough, sometimes young and light, and all of them heartbroken. Their “where’s that new world now the fighting’s done” and the way they sing the round section is haunting and beautiful.

39. Empty Chairs at Empty Tables - Eddie Redmayne as Marius Pontmercy (2012 movie)

I have to say, no one does this one like Eddie Redmayne. His Marius’ grief is absolutely crushing. I like how this arrangement goes super light with the instrumentals at first, and how Redmayne’s Marius starts off very soft. His “at the table in the corner” section gives me goosebumps every time, and he nails every single high note. And by the time we reach “phantom faces at the window,” he seems to be letting it out, and his “oh my friends, my friends, don’t ask me what your sacrifice was for” has me sobbing.

40. Every Day/A Heart Full of Love Reprise - Katie Hall as Cosette, Gareth Gates as Marius Pontmercy, John Owen Jones as Jean Valjean (2010)

Ah, Les Mis, killing me with the parallels once again. This version seems to go by awfully fast, but Hall’s Cosette and Gates’ Marius are properly sweet, and JOJ’s Valjean is gentle and sad and heartbreaking. All of their voices balance each other well.

41. Valjean’s Confession - Gary Morris as Jean Valjean, Michael Ball as Marius Pontmercy (International Symphonic)

I really don’t like versions that shorten this; I feel like Jean Valjean needs to be wordy here. In the Brick, he’s almost hysterical. Morris’ Valjean is so gentle, and you can hear the pleading and pain in his voice, on phrases like “she’s had enough of tears” and “to save his sister’s son” and then his voice is so powerful and despairing on “who am I?” and then when it gets soft..yeah I’m not okay. Ball’s Marius’ “it must be so” is pretty, but he doesn’t stick out that much compared to Morris’ powerhouse performance. Also, God the score playing “who am I?” in the background was just cruel. I love it.

42. The Wedding Chorale/Beggars at the Feast - Barry James as M. Thenardier, Gay Soper as Mme. Thenardier, Michael Ball as Mariius Pontmercy (International Symphonic)

James and Soper are just the right Thenardiers for the job. They are clearly having an extremely good time, and I love their sniveling and their scheming and their flamboyance. Ball’s Marius acts very well here too. I love his scoff at “do you think I don’t know who you are?” and his anger on Eponine’s behalf.

43. Finale - Colm Wilkinson as Jean Valjean, Randy Graff as Fantine, Frances Ruffelle as Eponine, David Bryant as Marius Pontmercy, Judy Kuhn as Cosette (Original Broadway)

I have no words.

[words-and-seeds]

“They hear the music the other person is listening to in their head” for any ship, but this could make... one hell of a Sharky/Reader sksksksksksk

This is old as balls, and I don’t even know if this was a request or a comment, but you got a fic. 💋💋💋

Your parents hated your soulmate long before you learned his name or anything about him.

It all started when you were a baby. When you would wake up screaming in the middle of the night with no warning. Your already sleep-deprived parents took you to doctor after doctor, specialist after specialist, but the most the doctors could come up with was that maybe you just had a bad case of colic.

When it continued long after the age colic was supposed to go away, one enterprising young pediatrician came up with a surprising and unconventional answer: maybe it was your soulmate’s choice in music keeping you up at nights.

You were too young to talk at the time, so it wasn’t like they could ask you about it, and since it was possibly music that was only playing in your head, they couldn’t just give you earplugs. But since they were desperate for anything that would give you, and them, a full night of sleep, they installed a CD player in your room and began to play soothing, toddler appropriate music instead.

Your soulmate seemed to get the hint.

Once they started, you never woke up, crankily sobbing your little heart out, after that for anything other than normal baby reasons.

It didn’t mean you didn’t hear the music anymore, it just meant your soulmate was more considerate about when he played it.

You grew up listening to disco, which worried your parents a bit. They knew your soulmate was older by his taste in music, they just hoped he wasn’t too much older. You weren’t as worried, content to just go with the flow and see what happened.

You didn’t entirely love his taste in music, but he probably hated yours. After all, your tastes ran much more toward opera and classical, which was about as far from Donna Summer and The Trammps as you could possibly get.

But you thought about him a lot as you grew. What his name was, what he looked like, why on Earth he loved a genre of music that went out of style forty years ago. You found yourself wishing you were the kind of soulmates who could communicate by writing on your skin and be done with it, because your brilliant idea of communicating by song lyrics either went completely over his head, or he just chose not to acknowledge it.

You only hoped that he enjoyed hearing the first lines of The Zombies’ Time of The Season on repeat.

When the years stretched on and you started to despair that you would meet him, you started to date around. Mostly because your parents were sick of you moping around and crying every time one of your friends would get married. But the knowledge that the other half of your soul was out there, waiting for you, meant that any relationship you bothered to start was pretty much dead in the water.

Besides, you had started to suspect he knew when you were going out on dates, because on those nights, the disco played louder than ever.

You found yourself in the very awkward position of explaining to your dates that you couldn’t actually concentrate on what they were saying, because your soulmate seemed to be the jealous and passive aggressive type.

By the time you enter the police academy, you’d all but given up on finding him, and devoted yourself to your career. Law enforcement suited you, and you liked the idea of making a difference.

That pretty much changed immediately when you were given a desk job and moved to the basement to do reports.It was all you could do to get through a day, and during those times, the disco actually helped. It gave you something to dance around and lip sync to, even if you did look like a lunatic to anyone who walked in. But there was only so much paperwork one person could do before going completely postal.

So you start looking around for a new job, and for reasons you couldn’t even explain to yourself, you feel drawn to the job opening for a junior deputy in the Hope County sheriff’s department.

After applying and receiving a surprisingly quick response - a terse ‘you’re hired’ and a time and date to show up for orientation - you made the move to Hope County with a light heart.

You felt like you went in with your eyes open: you knew that Hope County wasn’t likely to be a hot bed of criminal activity, you knew you’d more than likely relegated yourself to the position of cow crossing guard - or whatever the hell they had out there in the boonies - but at least you would be out in God’s own country and the fresh air.

What you were not expecting was a federal marshal walking in on your first day - a day of doughnut runs and sorting paperwork - and tell you that you would be accompanying him to arrest a dangerous criminal.

In spite of yourself, the idea had a certain appeal, right up until the helicopter landed and you got your first look at the Peggie compound. Then your stomach dropped to your toes.

Almost to the second, as if he were just waiting for your cue, you heard the first strains of Disco Inferno start up and had to fight the nervous laughter, because it was actually quite comforting.

Plus, it was quite hard to concentrate on someone giving a sinister monologue when The Trammps were singing. If anything, it made you want to tap your toes. But because you weren’t paying attention, Marshall Burke’s demand that you cuff the dangerous psychopath in front of you made you leap about a foot in the air.

Things got a little blurry after that - probably due to the concussion - but there were flashes. Explosions, planes flying overhead, going off a bridge and being left for dead. Basement filing never looked so good as when you woke up in a bunker with a strange man telling you that you inadvertently put yourself directly in the middle of a holy war.

It definitely didn’t make you any happier to hear that the responsibility of restoring a little sanity had fallen directly onto your shoulders. What did help was the knowledge that an entire Resistance was standing behind you.

Several miles behind you, as it turned out.

It got easier when you started recruiting people to your side, guns for hire, Dutch called them - something that always made you feel like you were in the midst of a Clint Eastwood movie. 

Being the inveterate animal lover that you were, you went for Boomer and Peaches first. And then - even though all logic and common sense told you to get the hell out of the Henbane before Faith freaking Seed realized you were there - something else was telling you to stay. A gut feeling. 

That same feeling took you to the Moonflower Trailer Park. You weren’t sure what that feeling was, at first. At least, not until the music started and everything clicked into place. This was your soulmate. 

It…wasn’t quite the meetcute that you had in mind; there was music, and there was fire, but it wasn’t the violin music and candlelit supper of your dreams. In your dreams, you didn’t usually end up with the ends of your hair scorched beyond belief and covered in blood. 

You weren’t certain he realized it, not with the adrenaline cocktail buzzing in his veins, along with whatever other rush the fire brought him. You took a moment to study him as he danced off his nervous energy, gyrating and thrusting to disco music that was no longer playing. 

Older than you, but not too much older. Not exactly a MENSA member, but sweet, and oddly charming. The emphasis was on the odd there, and you couldn’t help but wonder what your parents would think of him. If you ever saw them again. 

As if he was only just seeing that your enthusiasm didn’t match his, he came closer, putting his hand on your shoulder to give it a little shake. “Hey, listen Po-Po, we got chemistry. I can tell, we’re going to make a great team! Like Starsky and Hutch, or Turner and Hooch.”

That got a laugh out of you, and you were grateful for the distraction. “Which one of us is Hooch?”

Sharky hesitated. “Listen, that’s not important right now. What’s important is that we get back to blasting these Peggies to hell. It’s like fate that you were coming, man; I put together a little playlist. It’s the good stuff, too. I wouldn’t share this with just anyone, but I can tell we’re going to be bueno amigos, you know?”

You liked him, you couldn’t help it. The more he talked, the more he grew on you. “Good stuff, huh? Like Donna Summers?The BeeGees? KC and The Sunshine Band?” 

As you went through the, admittedly, small number of disco artists you knew, Sharky pressed his hand to his heart. “Oh man, I knew we were going to be great together. I just knew, when I saw you, that here was a person who could truly appreciate the greatest music of all time.”

“Well, I grew up listening to it.” That hint went wide of the mark, so you decided to try again. “My soulmate loves the Trammps.”

The speed his face dropped would have been tragic, if it wasn’t so damn comical. Poor baby didn’t have a clue. 

“I am not at all surprised that someone as fine as you is taken, Shorty. He’s a very lucky man. Or she. I don’t judge. Everyone’s gotta live their best life.”

“He,” you replied. “He is very lucky. He also can’t catch a hint when it’s dropped from a great height.”

“Men,” Sharky said, with so much disgust that you couldn’t stop the laughter from bubbling up in your throat. 

What a guy.

You didn’t love him, not yet - soulmate bonds didn’t work like that, and you wouldn’t want one if they did - but you liked him. A lot. 

“It’s nice to meet you, Sharky. It’s nice to finally meet you. You’re right. We’re going to make a great team.”

[keroujack]

ask me if i do this every day

Steve’s not surprised. Not really. It’s 10 PM on a cool March Thursday. He’s locked in his room writing a paper he should have finished three weeks ago instead of waiting until the night before to do it. But he’s an idiot and he always waits until the night before. Suffers immensely because of it.

So no, he’s not really surprised when his phone lights up with a text from Billy, who had finished the paper days ago and wanted to see a movie, rolled his eyes when Steve told him why he couldn’t at his locker earlier that afternoon.

He’s not surprised either that the text doesn’t say anything, it’s just a link to a playlist on Spotify. It’s called “i’m sick of steve harrington listening to shitty music” and the icon is a truly awful picture of Steve that Billy had taken at the diner a few weeks ago. His hair’s flying in about 400 different directions and he’s got no less than 17 French fries shoved in his mouth.

Which, you know, Billy had dared him to do.

“Bet you can’t fit 15 at once.”

“Watch me, dickhead,” Steve had said, pulled the plate of fries they’d been sharing closer to his side of the booth. “And you’re paying for my food if I can.”

“You’re on.”

15 kept his wallet full, two extra proved a point.

It’s a bad picture. Steve laughs anyway.

For the most part, the playlist is pretty typical. Predictable. A lot of loud shit, the kind that makes Steve’s ears hurt a little bit, though, not exactly in a bad way. There’s also a lot of indie nonsense Steve doesn’t entirely recognize, thinks maybe he’s heard the songs once or twice when Billy’s had control over the aux, but not so many times that he knows what the songs or the bands are called. 

There’s only one song that’s any different. One. Sticks out like a sore thumb. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i_gxp28AgLA)

Steve’s pretty quick to look and see who it is. Laughs when he does. Gets halfway to texting Billy, “the weeknd is mainstream asshole”, because Billy says it all the time.

“You’re too mainstream, Harrington. Way too mainstream, I mean, Christ. Don’t you ever listen to anything that’s not Top 100?”

And Steve can hear it. Can hear the exasperation, the annoyance. The way Billy goes a little huffy when he thinks he’s right, when he thinks Steve is being ridiculous. 

His thumbs hover over the letters, over send, ready to be right and rag on Billy for the rest of the night, but then the lyrics start. And he stops.

Because suddenly the song’s got his full attention and he’s listening now.

Like. Really listening.   

And the whole thing-the music, the beat, the words-well, it paints a picture. A vivid picture. One that sends a warm flush up his neck, makes his eyes go a little wide, his mouth a little dry.

It’s dirty. The song. And it’s not that Billy doesn’t listen to songs that are dirty. Steve knows he does. Has balked more than once at the lyrics Billy hums under his breath, low and lazy and way too downright obscene for something like lounging next to Steve’s pool on a calm Sunday morning.

It’s more that Steve’s not expecting a song like this at, now, 11 PM on a Thursday on a playlist made for him by his best friend.

What makes it worse is that it’s easy, almost too easy, the way Steve can see it. See him.

Billy.

Often.

The short mess of blond curls that fall across his forehead after practice every day. The bright blue eyes that cut across a classroom where the teacher no longer allows them to sit next to one another. The sharp curl of his lips around a white-hot smile when he thinks Steve’s said something funny.

The broad line of his shoulders, bare, hard, like the muscles that stretch across his chest, his arms, his back. Stretches endlessly for miles and miles and sometimes Steve wonders, quietly, and only to himself, what it would be like to trace along them all with the tip of his finger.

Often.

The image evolves before he can help it.

He can see Billy’s lips, but now they’re pressed to smooth skin, dark stubble rough against it, rougher against the moan that comes from above him, long, high, breathy. The fan of his eyelashes is thick against his cheeks, eyes closed, focused, devoted. The hand in his hair is slender, thin, twists, tightens as he presses slow kisses down a soft, delicate stomach, lower, lower, lower.

Often.

Steve closes his eyes, tries to wipe the thought away with it, wants to wipe the slate clean. But Billy’s still there. Steve still sees him. Sees his head between a pair of pale thighs, kissing the inside of one, the inside of the other, dragging his lips, trailing his tongue. Working up the long, warm line of tense muscle, inching, closer, closer, closer.

Do it how I want it.

By the time the song’s over, Steve’s laptop has gone black, paper long forgotten. His breathing’s gone heavy, pulse quick, jeans way too tight.

He pushes at his eyes with the heels of his hands because what the fuck-what the fuck?

Since when do those thoughts wear Billy’s face?

The next song, back to loud and abrasive, does a good job of wiping the music from his mind, but the image sticks. Makes it hard to focus. Hard to write about The Iliad and the inherent tragedy of a fate you can’t avoid.

He wants to text Billy, wants to beg him for a copy of his paper-like he always does-so that he can rewrite Billy’s thoughts to sound like his own. Wants nothing more than to be done with this already and go to sleep. 

But he can’t. He really can’t.

Can’t even bring himself to answer when it’s Billy that texts him first. Just a simple, “wyd im bored” but it’s still got Steve’s hands shaking. He damn near puts the phone through the wall when he throws it onto his bed before he can respond.

Before he can say something stupid.

For all the distraction finishing his paper is able to provide, fitful, restless sleep brings the images back. Makes sweat drip at his temple, makes his hands curl into the sheets.

Gives him a reason to spend fifteen extra minutes in the shower before he goes downstairs for breakfast. 

Steve still feels like he’s flushed, like he’s exposed when Billy’s shoulder knocks into the locker next to his that morning. Backpack slung easy over one shoulder, Henley done low, collar spread wide over his chest.

“So?” he asks, rests his temple against the cool metal as he watches Steve struggle to shove a textbook in his bag. “Did you like it?”

“Like what?”

“Like what,” Billy repeats, a bit of a scoff, a laugh mixed in with the words. “The playlist, dumbass. What’d you think?”

Often.

Steve can feel the word sitting on his tongue.

“Loud,” he says instead, smiles when Billy narrows his eyes. “It wasn’t bad, but you still listen to too much of that metal garbage.”

“Oh get the fuck out of my face with that ‘metal garbage’ nonsense,” Billy spits, without venom.

Steve takes that as his chance to lean in close. “What was that? Sorry, you’ll have to say it again. My ears are still bleeding.”

Billy reaches out, flicks his ear at that. Steve smacks his hand away, closes his locker with a slam, a laugh that comes as naturally breathing.

They walk to class. The day goes on.

Steve can’t stop thinking about that song.

Often.

He can hear it.

Hears the echoes in the curl of Billy’s hand around the strap of his backpack. In the twist of his fingers when he leans down to tie his shoe. The sweat that glides along the plane of his back at practice. The strip of skin on his stomach that peeks out when he leans back in his desk and stretches.

It’s everywhere.

Often.

Three days of this and Steve feels like he’s beginning to lose his mind. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday pass in a blur of daydreams, a haze of images he shouldn’t still be ale to see this clearly.

Shouldn’t be so easy for the daydreams to shift, to evolve.

For the body beneath Billy’s to no longer belong to some nameless, pretty face. For it to belong to Steve. For it to be him Billy’s looking up at. His stomach Billy’s kissing down. His thighs Billy’s there between. 

Mornings wake him with a gasp, with ragged breaths and goose bumps that ripple up and down his arms, his spine. A flush that spreads along his neck like wildfire and a throb between his legs so strong that he can’t help but slip a hand below his waistband. 

Do it how I want it.

His heart climbs up into his throat on Thursday night. Billy’s sitting in the passenger seat, phone pillowed in his lap, aux cord firmly attached because, “I can’t deal with your mainstream shit today, pretty boy. Not a fuckin’ chance.”

They’re on their way to the diner for milkshakes after practice, both beyond starving and craving something a little sweet after two and a half hours of basketball and getting screamed at.

Often. 

Steve’s heart climbs into his throat and his stomach drops because, just like that, the song is on. The song is on and it’s started and Billy’s tapping his finger in time with it against the window. Steve feels the words wrap around him, hardly has time to even process how he’s going to exist in the same space as Billy for the next four minutes when he realizes Billy is humming.

He’s goddamn humming and Steve swears he can see Billy looking at him out of the corner of his eye. Feels his cheeks go a little pink, feels his hands tighten around the steering wheel with a grip that hurts.

They’re the longest four minutes of Steve’s natural born life.

He convinces himself that it’ll get better after that. That food and company and conversation will be more than an adequate amount of distractions, but he’s wrong. It’s almost like the diner makes it worse.

They’re sitting across from each other in a small, familiar booth along the windows. The place is fairly crowded, which isn’t weird considering the dinnertime rush here is known for that. Their legs are too long beneath the table and Billy’s knees nudge at his when they settle in, warm, snug. Sets Steve’s skin on fire. 

There’s already a shared plate of fries between them when the waitress comes back with their milkshakes. Chocolate for Steve. Strawberry for Billy.

When Billy’s lips wrap around the straw, Steve’s breath catches and suddenly he realizes he should have said no when Billy asked if he wanted to get food. He should have said no. This was a mistake.

Because now he’s trapped here, in this booth. With Billy’s knees knocking into his and his pretty pink lips around a straw and his cheeks hollowed in the exact same way Steve can see every time he closes his eyes. Hollow around him.

It’s too real now. Too real and too much. Way too much. 

He tries his best to hide his face in his glass. Tries to focus on his shake and hide the fact that he’s not breathing. Not looking as he listens to Billy talk between sips. Nods. Doesn’t really trust his voice at a time like this. When his heart’s racking behind his ribs like they’d only just finished sprints and his mind is cloudy like he’d walked through a wall of smoke.

He’s still not sure he’s breathing by the time they’re back in the car. Steve has to drive Billy back to pick up his car from the school and without the noise of the crowded diner to fill pauses, the silence becomes more noticeable. Thicker. Tenser. 

Especially because Billy doesn’t take the aux again. He doesn’t even turn on the radio. Just sits and drums on the window, jiggles his knee.

Steve is wound so tight he’s afraid he’s going to explode.

The silence doesn’t end when they get to the school, isn’t cut off by the loud slam of the passenger side door.

No. Billy doesn’t move to get out at all. In fact, he does the opposite, turns away from the door, turns towards Steve. Faces him. Steve keeps his body square to the wheel.

The sharp breath Billy lets out is harsh in his ears. “So are you gonna tell me what the fuck’s got you so weird or am I gonna have to ask?”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Steve swallows hard when the words make Billy laugh. Doesn’t really understand why.

“Steve,” Billy says, and that’s when Steve knows he’s fucked. Well and truly fucked. “What’s the problem?”

And Billy knows something is wrong. Always knows it. Has known it since Steve got pushed off the swings by Tyler Boyd in the fourth grade. Billy had only been in school a week, had only just moved from California, but Steve had scrapes all over his legs, was fighting back tears when he said, “It doesn’t hurt that bad.” Had hardly even gotten the words out before Billy tackled Tyler Boyd and pinned him to the blacktop. He wasn’t allowed back outside for recess for two weeks, but Steve started sitting next to him at lunch and that was about as good as a blood pact in their young, adolescent minds.

Stuck together forever.

It’s then that Steve looks at him, realizes Billy is so much closer than his peripheral vision had led him to believe. He’s got one elbow on the center console, his other arm out long, hand on the dashboard, angled completely in Steve’s direction.

Steve still hasn’t said anything, can’t with Billy’s eyes on him like this. With Billy so close. The car so quiet.

Billy’s laugh is softer this time, comes when Steve worries his bottom lip between his teeth, feels the pinch that’s caught between his brows.

“What?” Billy asks, the word even softer than the laugh. Small. Encouraging.

Steve can’t help the way his eyes fall to greet it.

“You’re not allowed to hate me.” 

It’s the first thing he’s said in a while and it’s low, totally miss-able. But Billy never misses anything. Flinches a little when Steve says it.

“Hate you?” he asks, something like disbelief pulling at his tone. “Why would I-”

Steve leans over and presses his lips to Billy’s before he can finish the question, forgets the words in favor of a tiny hmmph of a noise somewhere in the back of his throat.

Which gives way to total silence.

And Steve’s going to pull away. It’s been at least ten seconds and Billy hasn’t moved and Steve’s going to pull away. Going to get out of the car, dig a large hole, fall into it, and die. 

But that thought only last as long as it takes Billy’s hand to find his jaw. It grounds him, holds him, keeps him there like Billy knows exactly what he’s thinking. It’s Billy that moves first, tips his head a little, brushes his lips over Steve’s and smoothes his thumb along his cheekbone.

Steve falls into it like they’ve been doing this forever, lets his hand go to the side of Billy’s neck, follows as Billy guides him. Moves with him. Breathes with him.

He tastes like strawberry when he opens his mouth and Steve can’t quite believe he ever thought milkshakes were a bad idea.

Steve’s pretty sure the soft smack that separates their lips, only barely, is going to be burned into his memory until the day he dies. That. The fan of Billy’s eyelashes, still flush with his cheeks, and the bow of his lips, still parted just slightly.

Billy’s slow to open his eyes, only gets them about halfway there when push comes to shove. Just like when he’s waking up. When they accidentally fall asleep on the couch during a movie and suddenly his breath catches. When he keeps his eyes half lidded and lets consciousness creep in like hunger.

Billy’s looking at his lips when he says, “Yeah?” Breathless. Maybe a little beautiful.

“Yeah,” Steve whispers, doesn’t want to say it. Doesn’t want the words to take this away.

But they don’t. He says it and Billy doesn’t move, hardly bats an eyelash.

Is actually kind of smiling.

Steve can’t help but kiss him again, laughs when Billy whispers, “Backseat’s probably a lot better for this,” against his lips. Lets Billy drag him into the back and feels that heat spread low when Billy climbs into his lap and ducks his head to pick up where they left off. Like they’ve been doing this forever.

Steve wants this to be forever. Wants Billy to be forever.

Always.

Often.

[bangtansfavwriter]

💘bangtan as boyfriends: yoongi💘

-you’re the only person in the country to have exclusive rights to squish his dumpling cheeks

-he acts all annoyed when you do it but you know he loves it

-caress his cheeks and play with his hair and he’s putty in your hands

-very soft cuddles, that help him recharge, you make all the stress go away that yoongi deals with on a daily basis (explains your exclusive rights on his honey cheeks)

-giggles when u kiss his nose

-loves taking candids of you, especially when you’re laughing

-actually remixed your laugh into one of his songs

-you always try to get him to teach you bangtans choreography and he’s like “why learn fire, when there’s a masterpiece namend SEESAW, i see where your loyalty is, y/n”

-your holly’s fav person tbh and yoongi is JEALOUS, he’s legitimately more jealous of a dog than he’s been of any other guy

-but he still dislikes it if another guy makes u laugh a lot, won’t ever admit it tho but you’d still know bc of *the pout*

- doubts himself a lot when he’s under stress, so he can sometimes be passive aggressive and make petty comments

-that was also the reason for the biggest fight you ever had bc he snapped at u one day and you gave him a piece of mind when you snapped right back and explained (/yelled out) that being under stress does not give you the right to make other people stressed too and that you only put up with it bc you didn’t wanna be a burden to him, as the comeback was already draining enough

- but you too are only human and this petty mood he was in was draining for you too, which he finally realized when you put him in his place. the realisation came when he was sitting on the staircase at your building after he stormed out of your flat. after an angsty scene at your doorstep in which he apologised while crying, you let him in, under the condition this won’t ever happen again, which he promised you. and min yoongi is a man of his word.

-yoongi is just whipped…. I know I say it a lot but yoongi looks at you so softly, you can actually feel his love for you, that’s also why this fight also had such a big impact on him bc he actually hated himself for hurting you, that’s why he wanted to change his behaviour for the better

-and this made him realise that you indeed were changing him for the better & this made him even more attached to you 💕

-jk once tried to joke about it (the softness™)  but you two shut him down so fast that jimin fell off the chair laughing, tae choked on his strawberry milk and jk walked out pouting and you then heard this from his room

-jk’s revenge was manipulation. he tricked you into pranking yoongi, when you prepared soup for him and made you pour in more soy sauce than usual, but you still put in an amount that wouldn’t actually decimate yoongi’s taste buds… when you looked away for 5 (!!!) seconds to look after holly, jk poured in some extra salt and while talking to you and stirring this monstrosity on the stove. you left the kitchen for a bit to take care of holly for a few minutes, jk stayed behind and said that he’s gonna take care of the soup……….. jin came in for a minute, looked at the food with big eyes (it did look good! the taste was just….) and was 1 second away from tasting it when jk was like “HYUNG NOOOO” and jin almost choked on his saliva and you barged into the kitchen with yoongi when you heard jk scream. “this is……. it’s for suga hyung…y/n prepared it with love~”. the rest of you just wondered if jk’s is like, ok, nodded and you prepared the table.

yoon: “you can leave if you don’t wanna eat, you know”

jk: “… I’m full when I see you eat, hyung. Y/n seems like a pretty solid cook, it should be tasty!”

yoongi smiled and started eating and you watched in horror when yoongis face started to look like shrivelled grape and he grabbed the water bottle and drank half of it in one go. you put 2+2 together when jungkook started laughing so hard that he was wheezing and screamed “REVENGE IS A DISH SERVED SALTY”. you apologized to yoongi for this traumatic food experience and were deeply embarrassed about it, but yoongi calmly said it’s ok (but his eyes said pain), smiled and squeezed your hand. that was jk didn’t see coming. just like the banana yoongi suddenly grabbed and threw at the maknae, hitting him right at the back.

jk: “hy- ahhhh, ok I deserved this. oh god, is this what caesar felt like??” (leaves the kitchen while rubbing his back)

yoongi: “dancing is the second best thing hoseok has taught me” (laughs)

you: (laughs too) “you ok tho??”

him: “i need to eat something sweet or I may never taste something ever again. I may need to snort icing sugar off somewhere.”

you: “is this your way of dirty talk or are you actually dying?”

him: “…….. both”

you: 👀

him: 👀

- btw jk now believes in true love after witnessing this

-you’re actually a really chill couple except when you have to deal with maknae line’s antics

-jimin comes to you guys for relationship advice and yoongi’s always like “listen here, kid” and you once overheard how he said “jimin.. i really can’t help you with that. it was a mere coincidence that the universe has brought y/n to me, i was just very lucky to meet the love of my life at this age” and you!!! clutched your chest !!! and almost squealed tbh, bc tHAt was the cutest, sweetest thing you ever heard him say and you gave him sooo many kisses later on, which surprised him bc you weren’t one for pda and neither was he but he didn’t mind, only asked you if there’s some special occasion he missed

-realized he’s in love with you when you rapped to nwa… i shit u not, you were doing surprise karaoke with the guys, where everyone choose a song for the next in line and wins if the person fails to sing, and namjoon started playing his 90s playlist when it was ur turn to sing and lanky boi cackled his ass off bc he was so sure of his choice until you started spitting fire along the late and great eazy e

-what you didn’t notice that moment was that yoongi, who was crushing on you for agees, looked at you with the biggest heart eyes and was like “omfg??? love of my life ????” and hobi was like “huh????” and saw yoongi’s huge grin and was like “oh myyy~~”

-pranked you at ur anniversary when he gave you an acrylic stand instead of the huge bouquet he was gonna give you later on, regret all of his choices when u threw the acrylic stand after him and it accidentally hit jin and u both died laughing and had to take out jin to dinner with you for him to forgive you

you: you seriously wanna third-wheel us on our anniversary

jin: you should have thought about the consequences before you hit me with that 98% aim

you: only 98%?

jin: please leave me my last bit of pride

you: i could make you some soup

jin: no thank you, not after i heard yoongi’s soul almost left his body bc of something you considered to be soup

yoongi: he has a point

you: i was PRANKED you dipshits

-all in all, very soft and slightly cracky relationship, so it’s very balanced with you two

-yoongo cooks for you very often bc he likes pampering you tbh, and you love being pampered so yeah

-he dreams about your life together a lot and has a lot of things planned for you

-very very devoted to you, your relationship and your future together ofc

- but he’ll always be salty about how holly’s basically left him for u

( holly: -excitedly runs to you when you arrive-

yoon: et tu, brute?

jk: now you understand huh)

[rainydawgradioblog]

a covidsation with mary claire

For the first Covidsation for autumn quarter, here is an interview I did back in May with Mary Claire, my dear friend and one of my favorite local artists. Mary Claire is a singer-songwriter based here in Seattle who makes “sad girl rock” (see: Mitski, Angel Olsen, etc.). I first met them through the DIY scene and was lucky enough to book them at the finale Red Room show, a house venue I used to live at and help run. As evidenced by the picture below taken that very night, seeing Mary Claire play live is a magical, mesmerizing, captivating experience. Often accompanied with minimal, but tonally-rich instrumentals, their powerful and hauntingly stunning voice paired with visceral, poetic lyrics transport you into another realm. I *highly* recommend listening to their album Phantom Limb, which you can find on your streaming platform of choice or you can snag a physical copy at Everyday Music on the Hill like I did! Last month, they also just released an incredible stop-motion music video for their song off PL called “I Don’t Like Drinking”, directed, edited, and animated by Barb Hoffman, which you can find here! Thank you Mary Claire for these thoughtful responses and for creating such vulnerable, beautiful art <3

Lola Gil: Tell me about your project. How has it evolved? Which artists are you most inspired by? How would you describe your sound?

Mary Claire: Hi hi I’m Mary Claire. I was never someone who was playing music since they were a little kiddo, it was something I picked up my senior year of high school. But pretty much everyone in my family has some amazing and weirdly specific aptitude for music, so I think being surrounded by that kind of allowed me to gather an eclectic, personal understanding, appreciation, and internalized feeling for music, so I never really took lessons or anything like that. I enjoyed and still enjoy that from the start, I was okay with the fact that I didn’t know “academic” theory and I just played with what feels and sounds right. And I still do that. So I played around with all those youthful punk feelings and had an angsty band in high school that was not bad for small town Sacramento. I think I learned so much from that and it gave me a flood of unhindered and unhinged confidence for recording, performing, maneuvering stage mechanics and technicalities, etc. Also it introduced me into the world of songwriting that I did for that band and for myself that just immediately poured out of me, which led me to what I’m doing now. I am extremely lyrically-focused and write mostly about lived personal experience that I surrender to and make extremely overly-wordy. I went from a solo act, to a bigger full piece crunchier band, to me and a piano player, back to a solo set, so I’m really just kind of evolving with my resources, the songs I’m currently living in and playing, and with what would bring everything to life most fully. 

I’m inspired by everyone, even if I don’t necessarily sound like them or listen to them all the time. Like, my adoration for incredibly angry punk music is what got me started in the creation of my own music, so that foundation will never leave me. Even though I won’t sound like IDLES or Shame or Pissed Jeans, their point of view and their devotion to cramming so many words into one breath is a place I also come from. We execute similar feelings in different ways. And though I currently am not anything like Yves Tumor, King Krule, or FKA Twigs, the layers in their stuff sends me so far. But I think lyrically and melodically, I pull inspiration from and sink most into Mitski, Sasami, Angel Olsen, Palehound, Big Thief, Bella Porter, Darci Phenix, Fiona Apple, Sufjan Stevens, Izumi, and Weyes Blood. 

Someone once said my tunes are “sad girl rock” and I think that sticks in a fun, quick way, so that’s what I tell people. But more recently, the stuff on my upcoming album I think is like a sad, fucked up, incredibly fast-paced nursery rhyme book (lol). I’m really excited for this album I wrote, more than anything ever. Also my good friend and twin flame Francis is helping me record it and is giving me a lot of knowledge and challenges and affirmations and inspiration. I owe a lot of this second album’s production and complexity him. There are a lot more people involved in the recording of this one, so it’s a lot fuller in a new and exciting and scary way.

LG: As an artist, how have you been affected by the pandemic? I saw most of your tour you had booked was unfortunately cancelled-- are you planning on rescheduling?

MC: Rescheduling feels so completely beyond me right now, so I am just considering it to be cancelled until things in the world really start to settle down to some degree of safety and responsibility. However, the silver lining in all of this ‘rona stuff is that it has given me a ton of time to recenter myself with my music and devote my own energy into recording and feeling the core of my upcoming album. I think when the world is moving so fast, it’s easy for me to feel like I’m behind, like other people are getting shit done faster and in a more “impressive way”, in a way that matters more or has more inherent value. So when we are all forced to stay at home with ourselves, not only does it remind me that all of those insecurities are completely not real and are in fact a delusion borne from a capitalistic-productivity-equals-artistic-worth-framework, but I also get time to actually enjoy and fine tune what I otherwise might have just thrown out into the ether desperately and prematurely in hopes to be current and up to date and ~with it~.

LG: Have you been working on writing any new tunes? Have you been involved in any other creative projects recently?

MC: When I was recording Phantom Limb, I wrote the majority of my next upcoming album, so while those songs don’t feel incredibly new, there is a ton of stuff I have yet to share and that I am so eager to scream to the world. It feels like some of the stuff I am most proud of making in my entire life. 

But since I left for Berlin to study abroad last fall to when I came back to Seattle this January, I really hadn’t written anything new. I think I had been going through a lot of personal and immense change and hard growth that wasn’t particularly inspiring, it just sucked and was intense and necessary, but sometimes all that bad stuff is not something you can just make art out of. Plus I had to just do something totally different and invest and surrender to techno and being a gross city Eurotrash gremlin and let that out cathartically. But recently, I wrote my first super new song in what feels like ages, and I’m so happy. I was afraid maybe I’d forgotten how to do it, but it’s pouring out of me again and I feel like me again. I have also been working a bit back and forth with a friend from the project World Peace. We just keep sending clips back and forth and weaving our separate projects together a bit, which is something I’ve never done and I’m having a ton of fun, especially because our music is so different. Besides that, I have some plans to work with another good friend Izumi after having adored them the moment I moved here. 

LG: How have you personally been dealing with the pandemic and the craziness that is 2020? What has your quarantine experience been like so far?

MC: I went home to Sacramento for a month and watched more TV than I had probably in my entire life. It was really good to see my family and siblings who I miss so much. But I came back to Seattle in April and since then have just been spending my days in a limbo of online school weirdness. But I’m so fortunate that I live with so many people who are all so unique, all of whom I feel are my best friends. So I definitely don’t get too bored:)

LG: What music have you been listening to during quarantine? What has been your go-to isolation album?

MC: Okay to be honest, when I begin to think of my next album and what it feels like inside of me, I make one single playlist with like hours and hours of songs on it and it’s the only thing I listen to for like a year. So I’m prone to listening to the same stuff perpetually forever and always, but I think I’ve always sort of been like that. It makes the feeling familiar. But since I’ve felt close to the sounds of my upcoming album for a long while now, I’ve actually pretty much been listening to what is my ~album 3~ inspo playlist, because I already feel that beast growing inside of me. I’m a planner. 

Most of the artists on those playlists are the ones I listed above in regards to who I feel are my biggest inspirations. But right when quarantine started though I would pretty much only play Man Alive!, I would just go through the whole thing and then restart immediately. When I was in Sacramento, my family had a rule I could only play it with headphones because it was literally nonstop, that’s just how I consume things; I take a bath in them until I feel every single part of what was made. But other than that, I’ve been bumping Peter Campanelli’s Pesto Baby and crying a lot about it, Darci Phenix’s (my best bud from Sac) Juniper Street which is some of the best songwriting literally ever, and Francis Farmer’s Bruised Fruit which is SO expertly recorded and thought out, I am so lucky he is my friend and wants to record my upcoming album with me.

LG: Arethere any spring shows that you were particularly looking forward to attending that got cancelled?

MC: Pretty much all of them imaginable. 

LG: How do you think the Seattle music scene is going to be like post-COVID?

MC: Hopefully, this can recenter us and remind us we’re all really really and truly in this together. It’s up to us to lift each other up and get each other on bills and spread the word and create community for those who need it most and for those whose lives rely on this art. Seattle seems like it is really good at that on a small scale, but once it gets to a little bit larger stage, it’s easy for people to forget where they came from, who supported them, and what should be at the forefront of our radars. I think shedding this cool guy persona and getting back to why this shit is so important and listening to/PROMOTING smaller artists who are making The Best stuff is something everyone could be reminded to do. 

LG: In this funky era of social distancing, how do you think artists can support each other during these weird and difficult times? How do you think social media is facilitating and/or inhibiting connection within Seattle’s overall creative community?

MC: I think people’s ability to make what seemed like such an immediate switch to social media music promotion and shows was really amazing. However, it makes me feel a bit hopeless and dystopian and sci-fi in a weird way. That being said, trying to resist the change has only proven to be detrimental to me and kind has come back to kick me in the ass. Like, I should not be turning down opportunities just because livestreams kind of freak me out in how foreign and disconnected they can appear to be. I’m no better than them, and it’s important I think to accept things where they’re at instead of pretending they’re not happening. 

That being said, I think everyone has been maneuvering with such grace and empathy and compassion for others in a way that I can really feel, and I hope that sticks around forever. 

- Lola Gil

[glasyasbutch]

playlist: craving & manic

link to playlist (on spotify)

1. Oh Girl You’re the Devil by MIKA

And I said follow me, whoever you want to be / Don’t care where you go as long you stay with me

MIKA kin song!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The individual persona verses fit Craving (”girl with a bag full of hearts and the devil’s eyes”) much better than Manic but the general VIBES are just ... magnifique. It’s a song about people sticking together because the world hates them. Also like, devil themes ... tieflings ..... you get it.

I also just rly like the closing lines being “She’s a bad, bad girl, a very bad girl, he’s a bad, bad boy, a very bad boy” cause yeah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2. Deal With It by GIRLI

We walk in, you stare at us, we find it hilarious / We came here to tear it up, we’re here to tear it up / Lights on, we roll up, makeup and undercuts / Lap it up, we’re pretty sure you can’t deal with it

Bro they went so fucking hard in their time as criminals like. So Hard. Especially a fan of the lines “back of a police car, free ride to the next bar” bc they really didn’t take law enforcement seriously like. At All. and the opening line of the selected lyrics above because two super fucked up and hot tieflings Definitely were eye catchers anywhere they went and they took a sick kind of pride in knowing that everyone was put off by them.

This song was originally on Craving’s personal playlist, but I moved it here bc it was much more of a pairs vibe.

3. Trouble by Valerie Broussard

I’m that knife in your boot, girl I got ya / I’m your number two man in the fight / We are revolutionaries tonight 

The only reason either of them made it a day out of their hometown was because they had each other, and they are So much more dangerous as a pair. 

4. Outlaws by Delta Rae

Don’t you know that we’re outlaws, giving the finger to death itself / We got no one to hide from, we got no one to toast our health

So this is on here partly just because I like Delta Rae. It’s technically a love song but it’s not explicit enough to turn me off from excluding it, because its much more about not giving a shit because you have the only thing you care about anymore walking by your side, and as long as they’re with you, you feel invincible, which is DEFINITELY how manic and craving walk through the world.

5. Bulletproof Heart by My Chemical Romance

Hold onto your heart in darkness / Will it ever be the light to shine you out or will it fail and leave you stranded? / I’m not going to be the one left standing / You aren’t going to be the one left standing / We aren’t going to be the ones left standing / Gravity don’t mean too much to me / Is this our destiny? This world is after me, after you / Run away, like it was yesterday

I always wanted an MCR song on here bc siccy niccy likes mcr and I felt like they deserved one on a playlist involving their character, but until recently I didn’t really listen to the band and didn’t trust myself to pick the song of theirs with the best vibes. But don’t worry! I’m having my MCR phase now so the updated playlist has one!!!! 

Anyways bulletproof heart makes me go fucking bonkers and the lyrics speak for themselves why it belongs on this playlist. It doubles for pre-campaign “we are just shitheads and society hates us and its fun cause we hate it too” and “we are literally going to throw overthrow strahd and probably die but like fuck it what else can we do” vibes

6. Skyway Avenue by We The Kings

‘Cause if you jump, I will jump too / We will fall together from your building’s ledge / Never looking back at what we’ve done / We’ll say it was love

Nic sent me and morgan a text one day and was like “if craving dies in strahd i genuinely think manic is just gonna walk into the woods and let a dire wolf get him” and then i added this song :)

7. Hey Brother by Avicii

Hey brother, do you still believe in one another? / Hey sister, do you still believe in love, I wonder? / Oh, if the sky comes falling down / For you, there’s nothing in this world I wouldn’t do

A part of me will always here this song and think of the Taaco twins, but hey, we can give it to other sibling pairs who have lived through near unimaginable strife and come out the other end bitterly clinging to each other for dear life. 

Fun fact! This song is also on Nissy & Leth’s playlist. I make so many siblings.

8. I’ll Keep You Safe by Sleeing at Last

Don’t be afraid / God knows these mistakes will be made / But I promise I’ll keep you safe / As you build up your collection of pearls you pulled from the deep / The most beautiful landscape I’ve ever scene

Unconditional love between people who so desperately need to be told that they deserve any kind of love at all. Also bonus for one of the verses being about clocks because :3 sirris :3

9. We’re Alive by Cavetown

Actually you know what? The way things are isn’t good enough / We’re alive and we’re here / Please listen ‘cause we’re scared / We’re alive and we’re here / We will scream til you hear

I like to think this is the song for the exact moment they woke up and coughed the ashes of their home out of their lungs and decided that they’d been left alive to make their existence a hell for everyone else who thought they didn’t deserve to have one.

10. Eating Like Kings by Shawn James

I’ve let the sun set 365 times with murder running deep in my heart / And if I didn’t directly pull the trigger, I sure as hell played my own part / You know that it’s a snake eat snake world, we slither and serpentine through / Cause we all took a bite and six thousand years later, this apples getting harder to chew 

Houghghgughhggh this song sexy ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, I think its a song for the regrets that are beginning to creep up in the very back of their minds (especially Manic, fuckin good-aligned morninglord paladin lookin ass). 

11. Hell, Yeah by Nothing but Thieves

In a town upon the outskirts, with a flaw it cannot hide / I made my peace with sorrow and kept it all inside / They call it “hell”, yeah, why don’t we go there? / It’s way down below there, it’s just like home

Hell imagery, hopelessness themes, we are vibing.

12. A Demon’s Fate by Within Temptation

Angels have faith, I don’t want to be a part of his sin, I don’t want to get lost in his world, I’m not playing this game / When the shadows remain in the light of day / On a wing of darkness he’ll retaliate / He’ll be falling from grace ‘til the end of all his days

A song for good people turned to hate over the death of everyone they loved, a song for a brother devoted to a god of good and his sister devoted to an archdevil. Listen to this song with the volume up as high as you can stand it.

13. Years of War by Porter Robinson

Oh, two hundred years of war / Fight til we are no more / A curse on the streets of gold / Just know mine is a hand to hold / Take back what the kingdom stole / A curse on the streets of gold  

unlucky 13 songs for an unlucky pair, the lyrics speak for themselves man. It’s about standing by someone as they rip back everything that was taken from them

Fun fact: i wrote a songfic to this about Caleb and Beau Critical Role

Fun fact 2: I love this song so much it makes me go literally insane