#I always put too much pressure on myself so I'm trying to remove some of that and just do something for the pure love of it

[loverofpiggies]

Hi folks! Sorry I've been a bit awol lately! Holidays and all that. Also I've been going through a bit of a digital detox and I've been feeling INCREDIBLE because of it. It's making me feel more free. Makes me want to step back from the internet even more. I've gotten much more physically active, I've been working out and reading books and learning to cook... developing my own novel that I've been wanting to do for years! MAN. It's been really nice.

I don't have any plans to just stop Something Wonderful and not continue it, but it might be a while before the next post!

[jimsbeetroot]

I love Jim root fluff 😔feed us some more pretty please

𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬𝐬 𝐢𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 ♱ 𝐣𝐢𝐦 𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐭

fluff!

warnings! none! just fluff!

this is sort of a drabble and when i read this, i can only hear jims voice but very british like he's straight out of pride and prejudice!

words: 893

The atmosphere is much more peaceful than what it is on the road. There's no huss, no panic, no frustrations. It's just quiet. Silence is suddenly the only noise in your ears, and you don't take it for granted, not at all.

The sun is warm, warmer than it'd been for weeks. The rain has brought you down lately, but just as you'd manifested, the sun has and always will come back around. And it is nothing short of warm and inviting, yet, a cool breeze presents itself once in a while, complimenting the otherwise sizzling temperature.

Immediately to your left, the shape of Jim lays spread out on a cheap sun chair he'd moved from the garden to the front porch of your house. His long legs hang from the sides of the sunchair and his tattoed arms are propped upon his unclothed stomach. His brown locks are tied into a bun at the back of his head, and his baseball cap covers his face, protecting it from the hot sun: he looks truly peaceful. And from the sounds of his quiet snores, you can tell that he's enjoying his time off. You crack a smile as you look at your beloved; you can't help it- he's perfect. A beautifully kind soul, who's never raised his voice at you, hell - he's never even called you a bad name. You have a hard time accepting such wonderful love - admittedly, no one has ever treated you this kindly before.

"James?" a doggish whine slips from your tongue.

A deep and lazy hum leaves his mouth and he reaches up and removes his baseball cap, slowly turning his head towards you. His eyes are squinted together, the sun blazing down at him.

"Do you love me?"

The question makes Jim open his eyes at once and he looks at you, his troubled gaze boring into your soul.

"What?" He asks. He sounds slightly offended and he looks the part as well. You sigh, immediately feeling embarrassed that you even asked the question in the first place.

Two years together, and yet you still seem to doubt yourself. In reality, you wonder if you're just envious of the man beside you. Envious of his personality and ability to brighten any room he enters. Though he's shy, he has this undeniable energy- he's almost too good to be true. You, on the other hand, you'd always been a bit of a wallflower.

"Do i love you?" Jim repeats your question and sits up now. He holds his flat hand above his eyes to shield them from the sun, because he wants to get a good look at you. His naked upper body is sunburnt, and he has clearly ignored your suggestion to wear sunscreen.

"Do i love you?" Jim repeats again but this time, he's putting extra pressure on the word love. You truly can't tell if he's making fun of you now, or simply trying to take the question in fully. Either way, your face turns red and embarrassment floods through your veins.

"I'm crazy about you," Jim mumbles and looks over at you, scanning you up and down as if he has Terminator vision. He's clearly admiring you, but you're too blind- and insecure, to realise it.

"How can you even ask me that question?" He asks, and you shrug your shoulders and sigh. You look down at your thighs and hum softly.

"You know how I am; always doubting myself," you chuckle, but Jim doesn't even crack a smile.

"Yeah, I know," he sighs and furrows his brows. He sounds like a disappointed parent, and his tone makes you feel like a little kid getting scolded. You swallow hard and avoid eye contact with him, even though he's trying his best to get it.

"You're so hard on yourself. Why can't you just see what I see?" Jim asks and moves from the sun chair, over to the spot in front of you. He kneels down on the ground and manages to finally make eye contact with you, even though you refuse.

Both his hands are planted on your bare knees and what started as an innocent, ill-thought-through question, has now turned into a dramatic stand-off between two lovers. We might as well be in Verona, you thought.

When you do look into Jim's eyes, you can see, he's sad, and that makes you so sad too.

"You're the only reason for my sanity," Jim chuckles, and you look at him with starry eyes. His smile is warm and inviting, just like the sun.

"Of course, I love you." Jim huffs, but not in a snappy way like how you did when someone took your parking spot earlier today at the mall. It's a huff of I-love-you-crazy-woman-please-love-yourself-too.

"I love you with everything in my body and I'm so sorry, that you can't see how perfect you are," he mumbles and stands from his kneeling position. He sits down beside you on the bench, his warm hand on your upper thigh.

"I love you, Jim. You help me see it every day," you whisper and rest your head on Jim's shoulder.

The two of you don't say anything. Silence is enough.

With the birds chirping, and the soft wind blowing, everything you've ever wondered about is suddenly crystal clear; happiness is right here.

[elenauaurs]

“As members of a society that pursues peace, harmony is strictly necessary. Please try to see it this way: Just as a contract is only made with mutual consonance, Those who lack the ability—or rather the brilliance—to maintain their usefulness and cooperation are not befitting in this society... And my role, you ask? To reshape them all until they fit”

A mysterious figure among the IPC Strategic Investment Department, responsible for the role of disciplining their fellow co-workers and representing Diamond.

Bort can be described as an cunning individual and extreme perfectionist, although ironically they committed several rule breaks for the sake of showing their worth. They are straight-forward about their goals and ideals, believing that people who have no contribution to society have no place in it. Surprisingly, they have some empathy for these people and wish to help.

In the IPC, Bort is not considered a being of his own with freedom and rights, but rather as an extension of Diamond's power—That said, despite being part of the IPC, they are not exactly one of the ten stonehearts and occupy some of the roles of Diamond.

(Click on the image for better quality)

When Diamond decided to remove all his impurities and imperfections in the form of a shining meteor, a being made of stone was created from the collision of that meteor against the ground.

Bort is a strict person, known for always keeping a somewhat dull smile on their face and correcting their department's mistakes. They are normally reserved, however a person with great aptitude in social matters. Despite being considered obedient and intellectual by their peers, Bort actually has a hard time understanding their own feelings and negligence them, preferring to follow orders than worry about this silly things.

Before being completely under Diamond's command, Bort was responsible for missions on very dangerous planets and ended up developing an obsession with battles and now is very angry at not being able fight as much as they did in the past.

"They are extremely smart and pleasant to talk to, but it is a dangerous trait... They always preferred satisfying their intellectual curiosity, over using his skills for the benefit of others"

- Unknown Senior Manager

. . .

VOICELINES

First meeting

"Bort" of the illustrious IPC's Strategic Investment Department— or, as those closest to me refer to me, Ballas—is at your service. To whom do I owe the honor, my dear nameless companion?

Greeting

Straighten your posture, lift your head and leave behind any trace of laziness before greeting someone. Never underestimate the importance of body language—as a Trailblazer, you will certainly need it.

Parting

In a formal meeting, time is meticulously measured, from hours to milliseconds. I usually don't mind it... However, I'm your presence i feel like time is… too fast. Sigh… What a pity.

About Self: True Desire

What do I truly desire? Uh, well... that's rather a silly question. Anything that Diamond wants too. If he's happy, i'll be more than satisfied. :)

About Self: Old Self

I no longer recall what I was like, but that's only natural. If i expect a lot from others, I must hold myself to the same stantard, even if it means sacrificing who I truly am.

Chat: Food

I have often heard about the benefits of food, not only for bodily functioning but also for overall well-being. Personally, I have never savored the pleasure of eating, and in my form it's unlikely that I ever will... So, I kindly ask you to accept this money and buy some food. Even though I won't enjoy it with you, I'll feel happier seeing you healthier.

Hobbies

Even though I don't need it, I take great pleasure in sleeping. It makes all the worries of the world disappear for a brief and comfortable moment

Annoyances

The intense feeling of failure, especially when others have high expectations of you, can be incredibly... infuriating. I feel powerful under the pressure they put on me, but I can't help but feel an inexplicable pain in my chest...

. . .

Ok, it ended up being a bit big because I ended up getting excited hshqhdhwhdha

There are still many things left to say about them, such as their backstory and their relationship with other people like Aventurine, Topaz, etc... But that's for another post

I ended up changing a few things slightly from the little intro I made previously so... Here are some curiosities

They are genderless

They can't eat, drink, have no organs but can sleep for lore reasons

Sometimes they give off a weird vibe to others so no one messes with them

They are dependent on Diamond

They like fish and stars!

(and also, the phrase I left below the cut comes from houseki no kuni)

[doublydaring]

the great thing about gender is that you can do anything at any time and there's absolutely no way to be yourself incorrectly. the point of life is trying things and seeing what makes you happy, and what makes you happy is probably going to change a lot! but also if it doesn't that's a learning experience too! sending love <3

first of all anon, bless your heart.

bizarre rant with way too much personal information below the cut. SORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRY!

second, because at the ripe old age of zero years old i was a wise old sage with a level headed autism that put me perfectly at the intersection of considerate and above the petty worries of the world i have been telling forlorn transgenders this over the phone since day one (no joke someone I hadn't spoken to in five years called me up the other day to have me talk them through softening their transition, its okay to be nonbinary guys) but ack! sometimes its so hard to take your own advice.

I have gained some weight in the last year or so and I just can't seem to get over me looking ooooh just so slightly off, to me, like I feel like I don't look like myself. I don't know.

Testosterone's largest impact on my life was it's role as an appetite stimulant, before I started testosterone I lived in a constant state of nausea, and it basically cured me of that. It was huge instead of going to bed anxious every night that I was going to throw up I slept like a baby, it also helped me to start working through the main symptoms of my ARFID. I literally called it a miracle drug to so many people, it changed my life.

But! I don't know if I still want to be on it. It's been almost three years and I've suddenly started having problems with my dosage, I've been off and on it trying to figure things out and I don't know, it just got me thinking, what if I don't want to do this anymore.

I do look different than I used to, or at least I think I do. I feel like I don't look like myself. I don't know.

Part of me feels like I'm just giving up, because transitioning socially has been very difficult for me. Female terms feel comforting in their familiarity, masculine ones always feel deliberate and effortful. I want to be beautiful, I want to be desirable. Does going off testosterone simply represent a submission to societal pressure, to finally giving in and trying to be normal.

In my junior year of high school I had a crush on a blond man. I had no chance with him, he was tall and gorgeous and smart and rich and a senior and it just was not happening, but I sort of put a pause on my transition that year as I got to know him, and tried to be more feminine, more conventionally attractive. It didn't work. I am not that. I cannot be that. I can't! It is something that I am not capable of, it is something I have never been capable of. I feel like as soon as I hit puberty it was over for me. I got gross. And that's terrible, that's so terrible, that's a terrible thing to feel and a terrible way to think but I cannot help it because I feel like that is the input that I am receiving from the outside world. I just had this conversation with a couple of friends but it really is ethnic trauma. My mother got a nose job at 14 and extensive laser hair removal to dull her ethnic traits, traits that she then passed on to me, traits that were amplified by my dad's genetics, traits that she implicitly taught me were ugly and undesirable and needed to be changed. And then I had the nerve to be autistic too, pick a struggle, really.

WHATEVER basically I am fucking fiending for sexual validation from cis men that I am too cowardly to actually go out and get so instead I'm just going to bitch and moan on here. I am not going to detransition because their is nothing to detransition back to, I was never a girl, but so much of me wishes I could be, I want more desperately than anything to be a beautiful and desirable woman. I thought because I couldn't cut it as a girl I should try being a boy but I don't know, it feels unnatural. A bitch needs to get on estrogen or SOMETHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[frownyalfred]

I was sorry to see you dealing with so many critical comments in Borderline recently, mostly because I love that fic and I love seeing characters in complex situations making bad choices sometimes. But I ALSO wanted to say that the way you're handling it is very classy. I have been dealing with some terrible comments on my own fics lately, and I find myself going to your page to learn how to handle it in a way that's fair, without being overly reactive or targeting anyone. Sometimes I can't tell whether to delete a comment or not, or whether to respond to a criticism or not, especially when my own hurt feelings get in the way. It really helps to see how someone else deals with it in a wise and experienced fashion. So thank you for that. If you have any further tips, too, I'd love to hear them!

Thank you so much anon! And I'm really, truly sorry that you're also dealing with hurtful comments. Nobody deserves that, especially authors working for free to put content out there.

I appreciate this ask a lot since there have been many times in the last few months where I have blown up privately, been upset, considered nuking everything, and generally reacted very poorly to negative, condescending, backhanded, or downright abusive comments. I was not handling it well! I was feeling hurt, and definitely not wise!

I have some wise, wise writing friends though. And generally, after venting (quite understandably) I think most authors know, in their gut, how they want to respond to these kinds of comments.

My advice is as follows, and it's been what I've pieced together from friends and my own experiences in the last few weeks:

Stand by your fic and your choices. It's great to slightly alter your plot when people respond really positively to a character, for example, but don't let a crowd of angry commenters force your hand on any decision, whether it's small or large. Would you have removed that character if there hadn't been three comments about it?

Try to be the adult in the room. Even if you're not older than your commenters or readers, the rule still stands. Try not to sink to their level (barring some necessary cases) and get in the mud. You're the author and you have all the power! Mute them, block them, lock down your comments -- the only power they have is through commenting, and getting into your head. That's power you can give them, or take away from them.

Be honest about how the comments make you feel. A lot of times, I think authors layer their hurt in other, more acceptable reasons. It's okay to be hurt by a backhanded, but well-intentioned comment. Saying "I appreciate this comment but the way you phrased it hurt me for x reason" is a totally mature and realistic way to respond to comments like that. Or telling readers something like "Please don't yell at each other/the characters in my comments, it stresses me out and makes me feel like you're upset with the story and/or me" is what I ended up doing.

Don't get caught in the weeds. Delete the comments that make you upset. Really. You don't need to respond to every comment (I have several rants about this already) and if you do, you definitely don't need to respond to ones that make you sad, upset, etc. If deleting that weird comment or skipping over a reply will make you feel better, do it! I'm sure your readers would prefer you skip a response over you getting hung up on a mean comment and not writing.

Know when to walk away. I took a break from writing borderline because it was stressing me out. Like, my already-high blood pressure was getting higher. I took a month off and wrote other things, and when I was ready to put up a new chapter, the words came really quickly and I was inspired again <3 It's also 100% okay if you never come back to that fic or series again -- your mental health is always -- always -- more important.

6. (bonus) sometimes saying "fuck you" is better than anything else. Sometimes, the pettiness wins, and you're not the adult in the room. I get it. I've ranted a lot on here and posted a lot about (anonymized) comments I've received. So yeah, fuck you, random assholes commenting awful things to me about sexual assault -- one day I hope to find a way to block my fics from ever being read by you again.

Sorry this was a bit of a rant. If you ever want to talk, anon, my inbox/DMs are always open. I'm sorry again that you're receiving hateful comments -- you don't deserve it, and your work deserves to flourish on its own. I hope you keep repeating that to yourself <3

[monotonous-minutia]

Work rant. May delete later. Don't feel pressured to read.

I'm ticked off.

As some of you probably know by now, at my job we work with kids who can get physically aggressive towards staff. Pretty much everyone who works here has been hit, kicked, pushed, or bitten, sometimes all of the above. People always ask me how can I handle working here and the weird thing is after a while you just get used to it. We get a ton of training and on the job practice so after a bit you just know what to do and work with it motion by motion.

Even so, it can still be scary and overwhelming.

Now my issue is my boss (who I no longer appreciate or trust for a really involved reason) today got scratched by a kid. She was telling him to put his phone away, he didn't want to and started yelling, she went to radio for backup (we all have walkies on us at all times), he reached for her radio to stop her, and accidentally scratched her with his fingernails, which I know were too long because I talked about it to him earlier.

Obviously that's not fun. I'm sorry it happened to her. But he wasn't trying to hurt her and she kind of acted like he was aggressing towards her maliciously and called a code red so like half the building came running to help her. Immediately after she removed herself from the situation, she grabbed her stuff and went home early.

I don't want to engage in trauma Olympics but the reason this irks me is because a few months ago I was alone in a room with a kid who punched me in the head six times, knocked me over, and started kicking and hitting me while I was lying on the ground. I had to radio for help three times before people started showing up and between my calls I heard them talking like "I can be there if no one else can" or "someone switch out with me and this kid" instead of rushing to my aid when I'm getting pounded by a kid half a head taller than me.

When people finally showed up to help I crawled out of her range and ran to my office to sit down and have a full-on nervous breakdown. Several people checked in on me which was nice and my favorite coworker (the one who left) sat with me for a while and talked me through it. But no one told me I could go home. I had group half an hour later and another one after that and then a meeting. No one said they would cover for me and that I could go take care of myself. I had bruises and a headache that lasted two days. (For all I know I had a concussion but I'm never going to the hospital again so who knows.)

Thing is my boss is a little out of touch I think because she's not in group and with the kids on the front lines constantly working with their escalations. And when she is involved she always has a big reaction. Big reactions are fine, we all still have them. But I've been getting in a lot of trouble for being "disregulated" (there was literally an intervention and other things I won't get into but are the reason I no longer trust my boss because of the way she handled it). So it seems really hypocritical of her to have big reactions and leave work early when a kid scratches her but I'm expected to suck it up when a kid beats the crap out of me. I can't cry at work or express frustrations without people using it against me to say I'm doing a terrible job.

I love the work I do in spite of the risks because I want to help these kids. I used to feel like my coworkers are so supportive and understanding. But now I feel like I can't be myself or ask for help. I'm constantly walking on eggshells waiting for someone to point out all the things I'm doing wrong. And the one person I trusted isn't there anymore. So I go every day into this high stress job with no outlet and no ability to admit when I'm overwhelmed. I suck up my tears and smile and say it's just another day and then go home and kick the wall.

I'm currently looking into different jobs and figuring out what my best options are. I hate leaving the kids and this work but it's so unhealthy for me to be there constantly worried that one more mistake is going to be the end of me.

[lawbyrhys]

A Lawyer's Last-Minute Advice For Bar Examinees: Five Tips From The Other Side

With the bar exam mere days away, I thought I'd offer up some tips for those of you preparing to take the most important test of your lives. As a practicing member of the State Bar of California—having passed the hardest bar exam in the country on my first try—I'd say I'm decently qualified to give you some actual quality advice.

Here are my top five bar exam tips for success on your first try; no pressure, but you got this.

Preparedness is Everything. I'm going to assume that you've all done the work to be ready for this exam; I assume you have taken prep courses and crammed like crazy. That said, though, it doesn't hurt to brush up one more time before the exam. As a practicing attorney, you can never be "too prepared," and the exam is just a taste of what's to come. Make sure you know the material, have your bearings, and go into the exam with all the knowledge you need. If you need to, you can even take a practice test under actual test conditions and feel what it's like so that when the real thing gets here, you're ready.

Confidence is Key. I'm sure you've heard about the theory that your likelihood of success increases if you go into it thinking you think you can succeed; this applies to the bar exam as much as it does anything else. If you go into the exam with any doubt or concern toward your capability to pass, it's more likely that you won't. It's crucial you walk into the exam with the wholehearted belief that you can pass—because you can. If you have a handle on the law, you can do it. It's a standardized test like any other, and you've done those countless times by now. Just give it your best effort with a positive mindset.

Stay Cool, Calm, and Collected. As important as it is to be confident, it's just as important to be cool and calm about it, too. Nobody gets a perfect score on the bar exam; knowing legitimately everything just isn't reality. That being said, you've spent the last three years learning as much as you can, and there's no reason to worry now. Worst case scenario, you simply retake the test. It can be a scary realization—especially if you have a pending job offer—but it's really not the end of the world. Going into the test stressing the fuck out will only weaken your performance. The higher the pressure you put on yourself, the higher the likelihood you perform poorly. It's not this big, impossible monter; it's just a test, and you can do it. The less you care, the better. Walk in with a cool, level head, and give it your best.

Pace Yourself. The bar exam has scheduled lunch break for a reason—don't blow it off. Your exam performance is dependent on a cool, confident, and prepared mindset, and if you overwork yourself, you will struggle to maintain those qualities throughout your test. When I took the California bar exam, I utilized my break to remove myself from the situation and give myself a brief yet effective recharge. Go on a walk, eat something, and center yourself to resume the test in a more refreshed state. In practice, you will always get short breaks, so why deprive yourself of utilizing that luxury when it is afforded to you here as well?

Stength is The Utmost. This is probably the most important thing I could tell you. You've gotten this far, so it's obvious you've got what it takes. Law school is fucking hard, you know? It takes true grit, real strength—both physically and mentally—and that tough emotional edge you've had to perfect throughout this entire process. The bar exam is no different, and your entire journey thus far has literally prepared you for this moment and what's to come personally and professionally after this. So don't lose that strength now! The exam, just like law school, is one of the biggest stepping stones to a successful career as an attorney; a career that is not for the week. Similar to your future practice, a big part of the bar exam is having the strength and intelligence to navigate situations presented to you. Even if you don't know every single minute detail about something, as long as you keep it together and recall your core legal principles, using them to provide solid, legally sound reasoning and analysis, and you do it well, you'll be fine.

I hope you found this advice to be helpful. I know it's more generalized, but I wanted it to be most applicable to as many examinees in as many states and situations as possible, and this was the best way to do that. From your California attorney friend and presumptive colleague and peer, I wish you all the best of luck, and I look forward to having you be a part of the practice of law. I couldn't be more thrilled for you.

If you have any more questions, please ask.

[folklauerate]

hi! i’m a big fan of your work and admire so much how much writing you post. i feel like we’re always being graced by something new and wholly lovely. it’s a real gift and i’m so grateful that you share your work. i write fic too and often wish i worked a little faster. i’m wondering if you’d be willing to share about your process. do you have a writing schedule? what are your writing “philosophies” if you have any? is your writing pace something you’ve worked to grow as a skill, or is it something that feels like it comes more naturally to you? and if i’m being overly curious, just ignore me! i’m interested in other writers’ process but know these can potentially be big questions to ask out of nowhere. thanks!!

Hello!!!

First of all, I apologize for not answering this sooner. This is such a lovely ask and a lovely question. I attempted to get my thoughts organized, got super sick in the middle, fell a bit out of love with even writing fic, and am now back lol!

I will attempt to organize my thoughts a bit for this question, but I'm known to go off on tangents, so I apologize if something doesn't make sense. Feel free to send another ask/dm me/comment/etc for clarification or any follow-up questions :)

Right off the bat--thank you for your very kind words :,) and thank you for taking the time to read my fics! I appreciate you so much.

My process is a bit wonky. I have actually slowly and recently become aware that I don't work the way a lot of my writer friends do--in a myriad of ways. Like, my output is not necessarily normal; in some cases, I am way faster than some other fic writers in terms of putting out work, and in other cases, I'm suuuuuuuuper slow, as there are people who update a couple times a week and finish long-form fics in a handful of months.

I think it boils down to this--I started writing fic because I just wanted to read a certain kind of fic--so I wrote it. I just wrote it! I sat down and wrote exactly the words I wanted to read and then I hit publish and kept going. Anytime I got an AU idea that was particularly gripping, I would just sit and write it and that was it.

I don't outline 99% of the time. It is rare that I do and I usually hate when I do it because it ends up as a last ditch attempt to get all my ducks in a row for a story that is giving me trouble and then the outline becomes really restrictive for me and then writing becomes tedious. I think it's important to note that writing fic, for me, is a really creative thing that I try not to put pressure on myself for, and the way I write my original work is really different. With fic, I will just sit and write and hit publish and I'm lucky if I do a proof read lol. I will quite often catch typos MONTHS later. Lol. If I'm being patient, I'll sit and re-read and re-edit a fic over the course of a few weeks and it's always better and more fully formed and trimmed in the right places and (in my opinion) better when I do that, but the thing is, I really don't usually do that!

That gets to the next bit--writing philosophies. There's about a thousand schools of thought and they're all garbage. The only one that matters is the one that you come up with and that works for you. Now, that doesn't mean that your writing philosophy and approach to the craft has to be entirely independently thought up by you, no. It can and probably will be an amalgamation of your own ideas and other people's ideas that work for you! But it should be a bit of taking from other's here and there and finding what works for you.

Mine is sort of like this;

For me, writing fic is a lot of things, but at the core, it is about creativity, freedom, removal from a capitalist need to produce/creation for the sake of creation, and a place to push my own boundaries. I write super wild smut or crazy out there AUs just to push myself to see if I can write it. I write an AU I come up with while driving in the car just because it gripped me and I want to. I write super fast because the idea just grips me and I want to exorcise the demon inside me and vomit it all up on the page and feel better. I've found that if I stray from that and I write for another reason, I usually feel pretty crummy about it.

This, of course, means that I don't have a real schedule or strict deadlines for myself or anything. I just write for fun and that's it! I am sure it's probably frustrating as a reader and I am sorry 😭 tbh sometimes it's frustrating as a writer knowing I'd probably have greater readership if I was more consistent with updates and wrote on a schedule and stuff, but that's my own fault lol, I just follow the muse. That being said, right now, I remain committed to finishing all my WIPs. I don't have a timeline for that, but I do remain committed to it.

Of course, I don't know how much of this is helpful for you if you're looking to have more discipline in your practice, so here are some more practical steps to write consistently;

put aside time each day to write, even 30 mins a day is good

SPRINT!!! sprinting for 15 mins and giving myself an impossible word count to meet really pulls me out of a funk and pushes me to write

follow your muse where it takes you and write what feels fun

on the flip side, you have to sometimes be the grown up and force yourself to sit down and write the bits you might be dreading or putting off, and you just gotta do them! this is where sprinting comes in

Your last question; my pace really has just come naturally, it's not something I've worked on or worked towards. It's been a bit of a "oh I guess that's there" lol. Discovering my normal and discovering what I can reasonably expect from myself both length-wise and time-wise (in how long it takes for me to write something) has been hugely helpful in budgeting my time moving forward while writing and setting realistic goals and expectations for myself. There have been times I have pushed myself--like with Bridgerton, Actually, which I wrote updates for weekly--and times where I let myself have a chapter update with a low for me word count and remind myself it is fine lol. The pace is the pace and it just... happens! I will say that if you're looking to get faster, ask yourself why, and try to be realistic if the quality is going to grow along with the pace, or if it will suffer. There have been times where I've taken longer on an update, knowing full well I could just slap something down on a paper and hit update and not care, but I instead made myself work through things, even when I didn't want to, and take time with them, because I knew it would be worth it for the quality. Sometimes, however, I've sacrificed quality for timeliness (Bridgerton, Actually is an example of that; I still think it's a good fun holiday fic, but it's only about 33% as good and fleshed-out as I wanted it to be, but that's my own fault because I didn't start writing soon enough ahead of time, and I prioritized my update schedule over quality, and that was a concession I had to make my peace with!), and that's okay too, if that's what you know you're going to do going into something!

I think I answered all of your questions but feel free to let me know if you'd like me to expand on something :)) thanks for the question, it wasn't invasive at all! I love talking about the process <3

[ladylaviniya]

I just want to be looked after. I get it. Call me what you want. Gold digger, Childish, Stupid, Immature, Greedy.

I'm tired.

I know what I want is considered an unhealthy lifestyle cause it requires me to rely financially on a man.

I just hate it. Not feeling special.

What makes me feel special? Buying me gifts, giving me praise and assurance, kissing the top of my head. It lets me feel feminine and pretty. I'm tired of feeling like I have to be "Cool Girl" and "Sexy Mature Woman." When the men are barely that themselves.

I swear to god, boys still haven't changed since highschool and even when I try to date older men, they're usually perverts with kids already who just want me to be his sex doll move in Nanny.

I don't want to feel like a woman anymore. I have always been the mature one. ALWAYS. I just want to feel like a dirk again and be looked after.

I know that's considered a red flag because men don't want to look after a woman who wants to be treated like a child. I just want that stress off my shoulders. I hate the exhaustion of work and the price of rent and feeling alone and unloved and ugly. I want a man who will hold me and be patient and not attempt to pressure me into sex when I've already told him I'm not in the mood.

I want to be picked up from work by a man who waits in the carpark with a cold bottle of water and me pet names .

Or he gives me $10 half dead flowers he picked up from across the road at Woolworths just because he was in there and quickly thought of me. I would try and dry press those flowers so fast.

I'd give that man my virginity and try to give him the best head. (I've never done it but I'd learn and practice on toys just for him.)

I'd wear uncomfortable heels and wax my cunt raw for him if he wanted it.

Now I know you all read this and think "this isn't love." But you can't tell me this isn't better than going on a date with some douchebag that talks only about himself, wears shitty clothes, doesn't pay for the meal and think he's gods gift to the world before trying to kiss and fuck you without asking you if you want to or talk about condoms and pills.

I want to be treated like a pet. A dog. Feed me, cuddle me, praise me, walk me, wash and brush me. Make sure I'm taking care of myself.

"You're describing a parent not an equal partner." Okay then? I guess I want a parent. I want a parent I haven't had. If he wants to be called daddy, cool, whatever.

I want to cook and clean an apartment or house I live in with him. I want to make him cum so much and so hard that I'm the only person that can make it happen. I want to wash him in a bath we share together. I want to pour him his favourite beverage into a glass cup and hand it to him, squeeze his shoulders and massage his neck and tell him how grateful I am that I get to be in his life and how I love his generosity and care.

I want to be able to put my feet in his lap while we sit on the couch and feel him softly pinching my toes or randomly tickling my feet while we are watching a scary movie. I don't even like scary movies- like literally I avoid horror, but I'd watch it for him if he would take care of me.

I don't want to be a passenger princess- 9/10 it's some alt right asshole driving too fast and dangerously in his 4XD on a camping trip and calling it an adventure. Going up steep hills and to places without reception then try this under the stars gazing bullshit. I doubt he even knows which is the southern cross and other astrology layouts. hell white some movie from 20 years ago, claim it's some wisdom he thought of on his own 🤢 then he'll lean in for that dead eye roll kiss and his breath will smell like death along with his sweaty body odour.

I'd prefer being a passenger princess on a flight or even a boat ride. Take me fishing in a dingy. Mansplain how to catch the fish. Show me how to reel the fish in. Take the photo of me and fish. He can remove the bones descale it and I'll cook it.

I want to feel sexy and feminine while feeling like I'm the only woman in the world. I won't need to worry about the porn he has built his expectations on because he appreciates how much of a whore I'm playing to be to please him.

I want to make a shopping list and meal plan our dinners without worrying too much about the expenses. I already buy the cheap knock offs but sometimes I can't afford it all still.

I want him to have a job in corporate or arts or even if it's super masculine like tradies, that he will behave like a gentleman. Open doors, pull out my seat.

Even if he's stressed I want him to be able to smile at me and say, "Baby I'm tired due to work, I just need to have some space." So I can tell him to go have a shower while I make his favourite dinner, turn the lights down low, put it on a plate and bring it to him in bed. Give him a Panadol and water and try to not boggle him with the events of my day especially if it can wait tomorrow. But. I won't lie ...I'd probably put on HIS favourite lingerie set just to make him confused and giggle about why the hell I'm prancing around in almost the nude. I'd encourage him to destress. Vent. Even if I had no clue to what the words or work he was talking about meant, I'd make him feel like he was always in the right. Nothing would be his fault (even if it was).

[misspoetree]

Thanks to @hedgewyse for tagging me - and sorry it took me a moment to react here (but what else is new)! 😅🙏🏻

NO CHEATING: You’re starring in a movie with the last person saved in your camera roll and the last song you listened to is the title. Who/what is it?

Curveball, starring Boom Raweewit

The last pic saved to my camera roll is a screenshot of Boom as Cheng Talu / "Mr. Lue" in Chains of Heart, looking very worried. (Or would Cheng be my Co-Star? I would be fine with either, I guess.) The big surprise is that it's not a KinnPorsche screenshot or meme because that's like 80% of my camera roll. 😂

The plot is definitely a revenge story because I'm a BIG sucker for that; Boom plays my happily married brother (so I can have my female rage and he his heart-wrenching gay love, my two favourite things <3). I'm on a vigilante war path to find the person who brutally murdered our father some years ago. 'Boom' has never supported my revenge plans and is trying to stop me "because I'm losing myself to the darkness" as my attempts to find the killer become more unhinged.

Every time I seem to get closer to the truth, something happens and I'm clueless in the dark again. I start to suspect my brother even though I love him dearly.

Things escalate. We're having our final, big, dramatic confrontation in the rain. The truth is revealed as we both lie bloody and gasping in a dark alleyway and my beloved brother-in-law steps onto the scene, removing the pocket-knife sticking out of 'Boom's' shoulder and holding it to my throat instead.

Turns out nothing is as it seems, and I'm left to deal with the fact that our father probably wasn't the man I thought him to be. The fact that my brother has been actively hiding the truth from me all this time. The fact that the man he loves, the man I respect and deeply care for is the person I've been looking for - the person I wanted to hurt and torture and do horrible things to. The fact that I'm left with all this unresolved rage and pain and nowhere to put it.

So...how will this story end?

(And even though this movie is dark and emotionally devastating, we would still have a shit-ton of fun on set because Boom is a chaotic sweetheart. ❤)

It's a grey and gloomy day today and I had way too much fun writing this little revenge play starring myself, ngl. 😂✌🏻

I'm tagging @scarefox, @kinnbig, @dreiviertelgut (because I'm still trying to turn you into a Tumblrina 😂❤), @majestictortoise and @ailig - if you guys are in the mood and haven't participated yet. As always no pressure. :)

[afineprivateplace]

Undesirables

Even though I've only just started the process of unpacking and healing from my trauma, it's easy for me to see the progress that's happening. So much is gained from just naming the things that have happened to me, and admitting the truth that I allowed myself to deny for the time I was involved with Anagram. It feels like the old freezer my parents had, that didn't defrost automatically and built up these chunks of ice that would have to be removed manually. You'd take a hammer and find a spot to tap, tap, tap at, until suddenly you'd hit with enough pressure and a whole sheet of the stuff would come off at once. Now that I've started, big revelations are coming to me. I know it won't continue like this for long - soon the work will get harder and less immediately cathartic - but it's an encouraging way to start.

And yet, there's another reason why this is a painful thing to go through, and why I've put off working through my trauma for so long. In the midst of my relationship falling all too slowly apart, other things were happening in my life. I got very sick. I needed various treatments and surgeries, and it all took a toll on my body. As a result, I'm now physically disabled and have developed further chronic illness. My body is scarred and changed in ways I can't comfortably discuss with most people in my life. Just as the abuse Anagram inflicted on me has forever changed the way I feel about myself as a person, my medical trauma has forever changed the way I look at my physical self.

I've never had a particularly positive self-image. I don't look at myself and see an attractive person. For a little while, Anagram was able to make me feel desirable, but they were just as good at making me feel subhuman, so at best I think I have to disregard their take on me entirely. And now, frankly, I just can't see myself as desirable in any way. I try to avoid looking at my body at all these days. The thought of trying to show myself undressed to anyone else is mortifying.

So after one relationship that trapped me in misery for far too long, it feels like that's it for me. Even if I could move past the damage to my sense of self and my ability to trust others enough to connect with someone romantically, I can't imagine being physically intimate with someone in the state my body is in. I loved being in love; I always hoped I could find someone to spend my life with. But now the idea feels ludicrous, as likely as travelling to another planet.

Part of me feels really pathetic for admitting all this. I know there are people out there, thousands of them, with all sorts of disabilities who find love, who have sex lives, who connect with people again after all sorts of horrendous abuses. If anyone else asked me if their disability made them unlovable, I'd do everything I could to assure them it didn't. I should be able to apply that to myself. But I simply can't. The same internal voices that have always told me I'm uniquely awful because of my depression and anxiety are there to tell me I can't overcome the horror that is my body.

It's not like it was ever easy to convince myself I deserved love. It felt like a fluke that I found Anagram, and then when they turned and told me I was a piece of trash it was simple enough to accept that, tell myself that I'd been living a lie as someone who could be desired. Learning that the things Anagram said and did to me were unjustified undoes some of that hurt, but it can't reverse the original narrative I held. Even if I were to meet someone, a stranger in a bar, and some flirting occurred, I'd know that they can't see the full picture yet. It'd only be a matter of time before I had to show them my full, broken self. Easier to just ignore those dark waters.

There's no simple ending to this. No catharsis waiting once I process these feelings. It's just the latest of a bunch of awful things I've learned to accept, and another part of myself to mourn.

[jodilin65]

Another day of being tired thanks to staying up for a long time. I also had a dream that wasn't a nightmare but still wasn't great. It seems like it's always one or the other for me—nightmares or bad dreams. I'm not sure if the dream woke me up, and I could have slept longer, or if I just happened to wake up in the middle of it.

I asked AI what can cause nightmares for someone whose life is relatively stress-free, and one of the things it came up with was pretty funny. It said those with active and creative imaginations might be more prone to them. LOL. Also, irregular sleep patterns and sleep apnea were mentioned. So maybe the sleep apnea is messing me up more than I realized.

I just wish I could magically know (assuming I'm a candidate for it) if I could get used to the feeling of the device and if it would be comfortable enough to sleep on my stomach with. I think giving up that position for life would be really hard. I was skimming some health articles, and a woman was saying that she hadn't been able to sleep on her stomach for months, which is also her favorite position, and she hadn't gotten a decent night's sleep since then. She really misses sleeping on her stomach. Once I started healing from gallbladder surgery, it felt like heaven to finally be able to flip onto my stomach as I was falling asleep. I also read that while laying on your stomach might put more pressure on the device, it's more noticeable for those with a lean body. Well, I don't have a lean body despite having more than the average amount of muscle.

I also wish I knew if it would help if I got it and could tolerate it. If it wasn't helpful, it would be as simple as not turning it on before bed. But if it was uncomfortable, it could cost anywhere from $10K to $25K to get the thing removed if my insurance wouldn't cover it.

A few days ago, I was thinking about how much of a bummer it was that I was back to not remembering my dreams because I like to include them in my journal entries. But now I wish they would stop again. I never win the lottery in dreams. I never go vacationing in Hawaii. I'm never young, slim, horny, and approached by gorgeous women (or guys) that I can see with perfect vision.

So what happened in the dream? The courts ordered me to be 100% independent, meaning I couldn't live with Tom, and he couldn't pay for anything to support me. Of course, we would never go to court, much less let a bunch of strangers tell us how to live our lives just because they could legally do so. But we did in the dream, and I started to do what I could to comply with their crazy orders. There was a young woman I knew who was in her 20s who wasn't very stable—she was dumb, immature, and didn't really have any sense of direction in life. She might have had a kid too, and was living with her mother in a dumpy old trailer. They owned two similar trailers side by side.

So, I went to them, explained the situation, and asked if I could use the bathroom and take a shower. They said that the trailer they were in was just the one they hung out in all day and where they slept. I'd have to go into the other trailer for the shower. So, I entered the other trailer and found myself ankle-deep in mud. The entire living room was covered in mud. I managed to get through to the kitchen and took a paper towel to try to wipe the mud from my shoes. When I went to rinse my hands in the sink, I found the water pressure was extremely low. Realizing I could never take a shower with water pressure that low and how hungry I was getting, I started to get really frustrated. I knew I had to figure out a way to get through to Tom and for him to sneak me some money so I could get a place and have food.

[thebibliosphere]

Hello! I hope that you are well* (*As well as can be, in spoonie terms). I'm writing to ask if you have any Spoonie Advice on how to keep going with house repairs when it seems like your house invents new ways to be inaccessible every week. I had to move recently, and meeting the rising tide of accessibility challenges in my new apartment is daunting and tiring. Any tips, tricks, or words of wisdom? (No pressure to answer though, if you don't have the spoons or wouldn't like to!)

Hello, thank you <3 I hope you're doing well too. (With the same caveat of course lol)

My advice would be to do what is immediately available to you to improve your life and help you preserve energy for the big things.

When we first moved into our house, I was suffering the worst of my fatigue. Yet foolishly, I did very little to make my life easier. I was stuck in the mentality of not wanting to spend money on temporary fixes that would make my life easier because we would eventually redo the entire space.

So why bother to invest in a shower chair so I can sit down and preserve energy while I wash? We were going to redo the tub soon. Why bother with mobility aids that suction to the wall and don't require drilling? We're going to be installing permanent ones at some point. Why waste $20 on an ugly piece of plastic that I eventually won't need?

I did the same in our apartment. Why bother to do XYZ to the space when it would never be our permanent home? I could manage, I could cope. I didn't need to make minor accommodations when we would eventually make major ones.

Was there some internalized ableism going on there? More than probably. Was I justifying denying myself aids that would improve my life because I was suffering under the idea of being more efficient and cost-effective in the long run? Absolutely.

So yeah, when everything seems overwhelming, look around your space and try to assess what can easily be helped with a quick trip to your local Walgreens or Home Depot, or a quick look at Amazon and browsing through the accessibility options.

Would a shower chair help you preserve energy in the shower? Great! They can also double as extra flat storage space at the side of the tub/shower when not in use.

Would temporary suction cups bars help your stability in the shower? Also great. And the good thing about temp ones is you can take them with you if you wind up going somewhere where you're not sure your accessibility needs will be met.

Would extra laundry baskets help you pre-sort your laundry, thus removing an extra step from the executive dysfunction chain come laundry day? Awesome.

Would removing cabinet doors help with executive dysfunction so you can see where everything is? Cool. Most are easy to unscrew and set aside for putting back on later if/when you move on from a rented space.

Same with labels? Would labeling things help you find stuff? You could buy a label maker, or you could get some crafting tape that peels off from (most) finishes easily and write them by hand.

Would something like the 15-minute pick-up help you keep on top of your cleaning routine and make it easier for you to tackle? Fab. I bought a bunch of cheap buckets and baskets from Ikea to keep things contained. Helps with my dust allergies and reduces tripping hazards in the house.

Can't reach the storage space in your house? We bought low-down sorting bins for me to use that don't require a lot of upward mobility. You can get some pretty stuff at Ikea too if you're able to build things or have someone who can help you with them.

If the counters in your kitchen are too high, are you able to place a table you can comfortably sit at for food prep, or can you bring a chair into the space you can use to boost yourself up the counter height?

What about your utensils? Would tools designed for mobility help save energy/reduce injury? (Some good examples when searching Amazon for 'knives for arthritis'.)

I don't know what your specific needs are, but if you would like to discuss examples with me, I can try to help troubleshoot them and lighten the mental load. That’s the benefit of having a diverse disabled community around you. We get to share our experiences and our life hacks. And they're usually more helpful than "install an entire pulley system of ropes and sliders across your basement staircase to do your laundry in the basement" when you're talking about waiting to install a washer and dryer on your main floor lol.

(I love all of you. It's just mentally taxing when people all keep suggesting the same thing repeatedly. Especially when that thing involves major structural work that isn't actually as simple as it sounds.)

Of course, these are all steps that require money, but that is sadly true of most accessibility steps. The world is not built with us in mind, so it always costs extra for us to function in it. But from experience? It's money well spent, even if you have to do it gradually and if the goal is to replace them with "better" things in the end. Tackling things in little steps helps. And honestly, sometimes you don’t realize how much the accumulative weight of minor problems is weighing on you until you pick them off one by one.

A kilo of feathers still weighs the same as a kilo of steel. Just because one is softer and not as hard looking doesn’t make it any lighter to carry.

[morroodle]

Morrotober Overview

October is over and morrotober is done! I actually made it all the way through without missing a single day (I swapped 2 days because I have a terrible concept of time but that dosent count). I'm so proud of myself. I've tried an October drawing challenge year after year but I always gave up and burned out after the first week so this is a huge accomplishment.

I'm not quite sure what made this year different but there are a few things I think might have helped:

Morro is my blorbo and ninjago is my hyperfixation. I'm already obsessed and thinking about it daily so this wasnt too different

I gave myself flexibility. Even though I ended up doing one for every day I never was going to force myself to do so, I had the freedom to skip a day if I didn't want to do it.

Flexibility pt. 2: I didn't make a full drawing every day. I allowed myself to put in as much or as little effort as I wanted which removed some of the pressure and worked better with my schedule

Now for some fun stuff! A recap of the art I made this month and my thoughts on some of the peices.

My favorite peice: day 29 - au/the movie

This was so much fun and I'm so happy with how it turned out. I couldn't decide on one au to draw since I have so many and keep making them so I just did a bunch! (Copy paste my best friend) I've had a bunch of ideas for designs bounching around for a while and getting to draw a handful of them with less effort than a full drawing which is great for my mental health. Honestly I liked making this and the results so much that I'm probably gonna do more of these with more designs.

Least favorite: day 1 - torment/chains

A dissapointing start to the challenge but luckily things only went uphill from here. The reason i dont like it is because this is one of those instances where the idea I have in my head is above my skill level. Additionally this is one of the ones that took the longest which is extra dissapointing considering I don't even like the result. I am proud of the hands though!

Most effort: day 14 - crew

I am NOT used to doing more than like 2 characters in one drawing and this was a challenge. Figuring out a pose for all of them was hard and I had to get creative with Wrayth cause he came last. I originally wanted to put a ghost dragon behind them too but that was just more effort and time than I had. Funny story about this one actually! I completed the base sketch for 3/5 of the characters but then my computer got fucky and I had to restart it. I saved the drawing but when I tried to open it I got the dreaded clip studio Unsupported File Format and had to restart ;-; I spent like half an hour trying to restore but had to give up in the end and restart.

Least effort: day 23 - memories

Little guy. Tiny dude. Took like 5 minutes and I love it. I didn't realize just how small I made him until I got a reblog saying they couldn't find him.

Most popular: day 5 - rope

Would have liked for some of my other drawings to get some of the attention this one got but honestly I'm not suprised it got so popular. It's a masterpiece.

Least popular: day 12 - underwater/submarine

Guess people don't want morro to be destinkified

Extra: day 6 - skeleton

This dude literally showed up on google?? I made that???? The funny part is the link dosent even lead to my blog or tumblr

Additional notes: wait what am I supposed to do now?? I think I forgot how to have free time?? For an entire month it's just been school eat sleep and morrotober but now it's over I don't know what to do with myself. A

Did I enjoy this? Yes. Will I do it again next year? Who fucking knows. Anyway back to my normal bs

[ichigoromi]

𝐖𝐡𝐞𝐧 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐈𝐓 | 𝐌𝐒𝐁𝐘 𝐅𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧 | 𝐇𝐚𝐢𝐤𝐲𝐮𝐮 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧

GUYS AND GIRLS AND MY NON-BINARY MATES! IT'S OKAY TO STOP WHENEVER YOU WANT. DO NOT FEEL OBLIGATED TO CONTINUE JUST BECAUSE YOUR PARTNER WANTS. CONSENT IS BOTH WAYS.

Okay, yeah, I just want to put that out because I've seen some of my acquaintances or heard stories going through some traumatic shit because they weren't ready but were forced to go through it.

Pairing (s): MSBY Four — Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shoyo, Miya Atsumu and Sakusa Kiyoomi x fem! reader, all characters are aged up!

Genre: romance, fluff

Warning (s): mentions of sex, pre-marital sex, suggestive themes, toxic friends, peer pressure, sexual assault not suitable for 18 and under. 18 and under DNI.

a/n - not going to lie; I always feel uncomfy while writing kissing or seggs scenes because I have no idea how it feels. Do people really suck their partner's tongue while making out? I have tons of questions, but my irl friends are like me, we have no knowledge abt kissing...

Enjoy~!

Bokuto Koutarou

Bokuto is your first boyfriend, and he is your first for everything.

He is always patient and never rushes you.

You two always do things at your pace because he doesn't want you to feel uncomfortable.

But, you know that sooner or later, you two would have sex.

And the thought of it scares you.

You were brought up in a traditional and conservative family; sex was never really mentioned.

Most of your friends are experienced and often give you advice on how to do it.

Some of your 'friends' told you that he will leave you if you don't have sex with him soon.

You're an insecure individual, so hearing those, you can't help but feel obligated to have sex with him soon.

Bokuto has a high EQ, and he easily noticed that you were feeling upset.

Since you didn't want to worry him, you reassure him that you were okay.

After three years of dating, was he going to leave you because you two couldn't have sex because of you?

Bokuto pulls you onto his lap, and you gently loop your arms around his neck to bring him closer to you. You kissed him back with as much passion as he was, and he sneaks his hands underneath your shirt to massage your stomach gently.

You softly moaned when he slips his tongue into yours, and he playfully sucks on it.

He stops kissing your lips and slowly kisses his way down to your neck, and sucks on your collarbones, leaving light love bites on them. Your breath hitched when you felt him cupping your breast; you immediately pushed his hands away.

At first, Bokuto felt a bit taken back by your reaction, then he saw your glassy eyes.

"Hey, what's wrong? You can tell me." He tries to touch you, but you shook your head.

"I'm not ready...I don't want to do this, Kou. Are you going to leave me?" Bokuto was confused; why the hell would you come to a conclusion that ridiculous just because you didn't want to have sex with him?

He cups your face and makes you face him.

"Babe, it's okay if you're not ready. We don't have to do this if you don't want to. We can stop. I'll never leave you. Was it those friends of yours again? Dump them. If my baby doesn't want to have sex, then we shall not. We shall do it when you're ready, okay? Don't feel pressured by them; we do this at our pace. Now, do you want to watch a movie and cuddle?" You meekly nodded your head, and he kisses your forehead and on the lips.

Bokuto went back to the room and came back with a big fleece blanket.

"Virgin or not, I will always love you. Don't listen to the rubbish they are talking about. If you wanna have sex, we can do it. As long you are comfortable, that is all I want. Don't blame yourself, okay?" He flicked your forehead when he noticed your sad pout.

He set up the TV and dims the lights in the living room. You sat in his lap, and he wraps the blanket around the two of you as the movie starts playing.

"Kou, I love you. Thank you for being so understanding." You thanked him and kisses his cheek.

"I love you too." Bokuto pulls you closer and kisses the top of your head.

Miya Atsumu

Atsumu loves you a lot.

You were the first girlfriend he has brought home to his parents, and Osamu approves of you.

It seems like he has found his match. His fans were glad to see him in a relationship where he is genuinely happy.

Before Atsumu, you dated a couple of guys, and it was all bad experiences.

Your first boyfriend forced you to give your virginity to him, and he was older, so you thought that was what you're supposed to do in a relationship.

The second guy just took advantage of your vulnerability and exploit you in the worst possible ways.

You met Atsumu while working as a pilates instructor, and their's team trainer introduced you to him.

And you two have been dating for about two years after knowing for about a year.

Sex...you two did talk about it, but you were just not ready to do it after all the traumatic experiences.

And, he was okay with it.

You felt bad because sometimes you can hear him touching himself, yet you can't help him with his needs.

"Tsumu, let's do it." You climb into his lap and captures his lips into yours. He was surprised, but nonetheless, he loves kissing you. He wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you closer to him.

His hands crept up to your inner thighs, and he starts massaging your thighs.

You felt a bit squirmish and slight discomfort, but you ignored it and starts kissing down his neck, leaving love bites, and you helped him removed his shirt.

Atsumu knows you well, and he noticed your expression. Even though it was subtle, he noticed how you were slightly uncomfortable and when he touches you, you flinched by reflex.

All the small actions that you unconsciously do make him realised that you were forcing yourself to do.

"Hey, we don't have to do it if you're not ready. You don't have to force yourself." Hearing him say that, you broke down in tears.

He holds you securely and pats your back in a comforting manner as you cry.

Even though you wanted to do it, he sensed that you were uncomfortable and decided to stop you. He noticed that you were not ready and immediately stopped and comforted you; it made you realise that he is not like your exes.

"Babe, we can do it when you're ready to do it. No need to rush yourself; I can wait. I'm not going to leave just because we are not having sex." He comforted you and nodded your head.

You lifted up your head, and his heart ached at the sight of your tear-stained cheeks.

"I'm sorry for not being able to things like a normal couple. I just thought that you might leave me if we don't have sex..." He shook his head and cups your face in his hands.

"I can wait as long as you are ready to do it. I'm not going to leave you just because we can't have sex. If I have any urges, I'll just touch myself or something. I want you to feel that you are safe with me and under no pressure. If you don't want to have sex, we don't have to. Is that clear?" He stroke your cheeks gently.

"Thank you for being so patient. I just feel-" Atsumu shuts you up by kissing you on the lips.

"No more feeling bad in this house! Let's watch your favourite show and order takeout, okay?" He was desperately trying to comfort you.

"Okay, I'll stop feeling bad. I love you." You leaned in to kiss his lips.

"I love you too. Now, I'll go get you one of my hoodies and we can cuddle more after I go calm myself down. See you in a bit!" He pecks your lips and rushed off to the bathroom.

Hinata Shōyō

He may look innocent, but Hinata probably has more experience than you.

But this guy has tons of patience when it comes to you.

You knew him since young since he was a neighbour of yours.

After graduating high school, you two reconnected and started dating shortly.

So, you two have been dating for three years, and there has never been a dull moment with him.

However, your friends ask about your sex life, but the two of you literally did nothing. The most you guys did was make out.

It's not you guys are super pure or innocent; you two felt there wasn't a need to have sex.

But how long can he last without having sex?

So you decided to ask him directly about it.

The two of you were just chilling on the sofa after dinner. You snuggled against him, and he wraps his arms around you and pulls you closer to him. When you two entered into the relationship, you guys promised each other to always be open.

Communication was the key to a stable relationship, and it was bugging you.

"Babe, are you okay without having sex? We've been going out for three years, and we never had sex. I just want to know your opinion about it." It was direct, and he never expects to have this kind of talk with you.

He thinks for a moment and hugs you tighter.

"Well, I am fine without it since I've been so busy training. I just want to spend time with you, sex or no sex; I love being around you. And, it's your body too. When you are ready, you can just tell me. No need to rush." He kisses your cheeks, and you nodded your head.

"Okay, I just want to know. You know, because my friends are talking about how sex is the one factor keeping their man. What about you?" You poked his cheeks, and he pouts.

"I'm not that horny! Anyways, I love coming home to your cooking and how you decorate our apartment and our dates! Not all relationships are like that...Or perhaps, you are the horny one in this relationship?" He scooted over from you and gasped.

You rolled your eyes at his dramatic self.

"You are the horny one! I caught you doing it in the bathroom!"

"You did it too! You left your dildo by the bathroom counter!"

The two of you burst out laughing at each other.

"Alright, we can do it whenever you are ready. Wait, we are going to miss the show! Turn on the TV!"

Sakusa Kiyoomi

Both of you are pretty direct in your relationship since you guys prioritise communication.

The talk of sex never really come up in your conversation.

You two have not moved in together yet but are looking at potential places to move in together.

Your parents were happy to hear you two were finally getting your own place after dating for five years and are engaged now.

Both of you rarely have the time to meet since you both are busy, but Sundays are meant for dates.

Your friends are shocked to hear that you and Sakusa never have sex throughout your relationship, not even once.

Maybe you two could just keep in your pants 👀.

Obviously, you two almost did it, but both of you stopped each other before it went further.

Sakusa himself has a lot of restraint but sometimes, seeing you in his shirt and cooking in his kitchen really turns him on.

He stood up from the sofa and approached you from the back. You jumped slightly when he wrapped his arms around your waist and leaned his chin on your shoulder.

"Wait a bit; good food takes time to cook. You can have some strawberries if you're hungry. My uncle sent some from his farm." He was not looking for some strawberries.

Sakusa softly kisses the nape of your neck; you accidentally let out a moan when he sucks on your sensitive spot. His naughty hands slyly sneak under your shirt and touch your stomach, leaving feathery touches below your bra.

He never stops kissing your neck, and you knew this might end up in the bedroom if you don't stop him and no dinner for you two.

"Kiyoomi, stop. I'm not ready yet." You told him firmly, and he stops immediately.

You turn down the stove and turns around to face him. He looked away, feeling guilty that he lost his rationality when he saw you in his shirt.

"Hey, don't feel bad. I stopped you, didn't I? That's all that matter." He lets out a deep sigh and pulls you into his embrace.

"I'm sorry. Seeing you in my shirt, I lost my rationality. You look so damn hot in it." He confessed, and you burst out laughing.

Sakusa frowned and cups your face to make you look at him.

"Fine, I won't laugh but get those strawberries and get out of the kitchen." You loop your arms around his neck to bring him down to your height for a kiss.

He lets you go and got the strawberries to the living room but his eyes were admiring your back as you return back to cooking.

YAASSSSSSS! I'M DONE!

I'm so happy that I have finished writing this! Hope you all enjoyed this! Thank you for reading!

Stay safe and healthy!

With love,

Rosalie🍓

[bludemons]

Collared Up (Ralvez x Fem!Reader)

Summary: Long story short, Luke is an idiot while being on a case, while Y/N almost passes out from worrying which causes Luke and Spencer, especially Luke, to make it up to her.

Warnings: case talk, poly relationship, slight anxiety attack, collaring, slight dom/sub dynamics, dom!Spencer, dom!Luke, sub!reader, fingering

Word count: 2.7k

Tagging: @subbyspence @honeyspence @peachpitfics @aaronhotchnerr

(gif credit to @criminalmindsvibez)

It was more than just a rough case for you and the rest of the team. A little girl was held hostage and of course your superhero of boyfriend, Luke, decided to go up to the unsub without any backup. He only had his gun, but at least he put on his kevlar. You had a weird feeling in your stomach as soon as Luke said that he was going in. You were yelling at him to not do it, to wait for the rest of the team to arrive, but he just ignored it. You were in one of the SUV's with Tara, Matt and Spencer. Spencer, your other lover boy, took one of your hands in his, rubbing his thumb softly over the back of your hand. "He's gonna be fine", he whispered, but you only shook your head. You knew that this was probably not going to happen. The pit in your stomach only grew when you heard Emily didn't get an answer from Luke when she asked him to update her.

As soon as Matt parked the SUV, you jumped out of the car, running towards the house you knew Luke was in. Spencer wasn't fast enough to grab your arm and hold you back, so he began to run after you. But before you could even enter the house, you saw your boyfriend casually walking out with the little girl in his arms. You stopped in your tracks, causing Spencer to bump into you. You were frozen as you looked at Luke, tears of anger and relief brimming in your eyes. Spencer took a turn to walk back to the cars where Luke already informed the paramedics about the condition of the girl. Once she was in the ambulance with her parents, Emily started to lecture him about how he can't just walk into houses without any backup and all that stuff.

You were still standing on your spot, not moving a single muscle, you didn't even jump when you felt a hand on your shoulder. "Y/N? Come on, let's go back to the station", you heard Tara say as she began to slowly walk you back to the cars. Spencer was talking to Luke but you ignored them, trying to focus on Tara's hand which had moved from your shoulder to your lower back. She sat you in the back of the car and moved in beside you. "Hey, look at me", she said softly. You slowly moved your head so you could look at her. "Luke is safe, he's fine. He only has some scratches, nothing too bad", Tara tried to assure you, but it didn't work. She didn't know the dynamic of your relationship with the two men.You were Luke's, and Spencer's too, but mostly Luke's. You depended on him when you weren't at work, he always took care of you, making sure you're okay, he always knew what he had to do and you just couldn't lose him. It's not like it would be easier for you to lose Spencer, it definitely wasn't, but it was different with Luke.

The moment you saw that Spencer and Luke walked towards the car you were currently sitting in, you opened the door and got out of it, walking to the other one to drive back with your other teammates. Of course Luke took notice of that and turned to you “Y/N?“, he called out your name but you only ignored him. He jogged the last few meters which were between the two of you before he carefully grabbed your arm. “Love… please let me explain it. I just wanted to save her and that’s what I did. I’m fine, nothing happened to me besides a few scratches. I just did my job, just like you would’ve done your-“ you interrupted him. “Don’t you dare say this! I wouldn’t have done this and you know that. I wouldn’t have risked my life without any backup nearby because I do care about you and Spencer. I think about you before I make a single step into an unsubs house. I think about what I’m doing before I let my actions take over“, tears already streamed down your face and Luke tried to wipe them away but you only slapped his hand away, “I can’t lose you Luke. I can’t live without you, I don’t know how to function when you’re not there. I’m yours Luke and you know that. Yes, I’m Spencer’s too, but you, you own me Luke and if you would be dead, I wouldn’t be myself anymore. Do you have any idea how I felt when you didn’t answer Emily? How I kept thinking about finding you half dead? I bet you didn’t and now please let me go.“

Luke slowly loosened his grip on your arm, which was enough for you to pull it away and finally get into the car to drive back to the police station.

~

That was a few hours ago, now you were on your way back to Quantico. You would usually sit with your boyfriends but you couldn’t. Not right now. Spencer was talking to Luke like nothing had happened, like he just couldn’t have died in there. You slightly shook your head as you continued to read the book in your hand. It was one you got from Spencer to your last birthday. As soon as you landed and were cleared to directly go home, you didn't wait a second to walk to your car, sadly you drove together with Spencer and Luke as Garcia informed you about the case, telling you to directly drive to the jet. You opened the car door and sat down in your usual seat as you waited for the two men to get to the car. You were sitting on the passenger seat as Luke got behind the wheel and Spencer onto the seat behind you. Luke started the engine as you looked out the window, trying to ignore the cut deep tension. "Y/N?", Spencer asked. You only hummed in response, not having the strength to answer him. You just wanted to get home, take a bath and go to bed, but that wasn't what was happening. You noticed the small signs that meant that your mind was slowly drifting away, into a place you didn't want it to be, not right now. Your fidgety hands, your unfocused eyes, the rubbing of your thighs and the slight squirming were all signs that you started to slip into your subspace. And of course did your boyfriends take notice of this and that was the reason why Spencer decided to speak and why Luke decided to carefully put a hand on your thigh, testing if he could touch you and when you didn't flinch away, he completely put his large hand on your body, slowly rubbing his thumb over your clothes. "Can you tell me what's going on in your pretty little mind, my love?", Luke asked this time. You slowly turned your head towards him and nodded. "I-I thought that I lost you today and… and I can't lose you. I need you", you mumbled as tears began to roll down your cheeks again. Luke smiled sadly as he finally noticed how much his actions affected you. He gently grabbed one of your hands and squeezed it. "I'm here sweetheart and I won't go okay? When we get home we're gonna take care of you, making sure you are all relaxed and show you how much we love you. How does that sound baby?", Luke asked you again. You nodded slightly, a small smile making its way on your face. "Both of you?", you asked, your voice so quiet the two men had trouble understanding you. Spencer put one of his hands on your shoulder, gently squeezing it. "Yes, both of us", Spencer confirmed your question.

Once Luke parked the car, you opened the door, getting out of your seat while you grabbed your back. But you weren't long on your feet as you saw Spencer walking towards you and picking you up. His hands underneath your thighs as you wrapped your arms around him, hiding your face in his neck.

As soon as you were inside your shared apartment you looked up a bit, immediately spotting your mint colored collar with the little heart shaped ring. You loosened one of your hands from Spencer's jacket and tried to grab it but you were too far away causing you to whimper. You wanted to feel the soft leather and the cold of the metal around your neck. The way it fit you perfectly, not too tight and not too loose, giving you the perfect amount of pressure. But not only that, it also let you know that Luke and Spencer were still there, still your boyfriends, still your dom's, but most importantly, still alive.

Spencer heard your whimper and looked at you, following your gaze as he saw that you were looking behind him. As he saw what you were looking at he smiled. "You want to wear it sweetheart?", he asked sweetly. You nodded, "yes please." He walked up to the drawer where your collar laid on top, he took it in his hands and went over to the kitchen where he sat you down on the counter. He loosened his grip on you once he was sure that you were sitting properly but you had other plans, your grip tightened around his neck, not wanting to lose the contact. A small whine escaped your mouth, tears threatening to fall down your cheeks, as Spencer removed your arms around his neck. "I know Baby, I know", he whispered as he caressed your cheek, leaving a quick kiss on your lips.

One of Spencer's hands gently pushed away your hair, knowing that it would get caught in the collar otherwise. His lips left a trail of kisses from the corner of your lips down to your neck, sucking softly, leaving a small mark right underneath your ear. You moaned quietly, already being overly sensitive. Spencer smirked as he finally put the collar around your neck, carefully securing it. Once he was satisfied with the fit of it, he put your hair back down. You were relaxing more and more, all worries slowly leaving your mind.

Spencer picked you up again, carrying you into the large bedroom in your apartment. You had your eyes closed but as soon as Spencer stepped into the room, you had the typical smell of candles in your nose which caused you to open your eyes. The only light in the room were the few candles which Luke put on while Spencer was occupied with you. They put the bedroom in a nice dim light, perfect for what the two men had planned. As soon as Spencer put you back down on your feet again, Luke wrapped his arms around you, leaning his forehead against the back of your head. You closed your eyes again, savoring the moment and the heat which radiated off Luke. He was already only wearing his boxers, knowing that any other clothing would be in the way.

In the meantime Spencer also put off all his clothes except his briefs. He was going over to the bed, sitting on the end of it. Luke carefully guided you over, stopping when you were standing between Spencer's legs. They both began to undress you at the same time, Luke helping you out your dress shirt and your bra while Spencer was struggling to open the small button on your pants. He finally got it open and slid the pants down your legs, immediately taking your panties with it. He threw them away once you stepped out of them.

Spencer pushed himself further up on the bed, sitting against the headboard. He motioned for you to come and lay between his legs, your back against his chest. You did what he asked you to do. "You alright sweetheart? You ready for us to make you feel good?", Luke asked as he climbed on the bed too, finding his place between your legs, head first on his stomach, placing both of his arms underneath your thighs. You nodded but you felt Luke squeezing your thighs one time, knowing what that meant, you gave him a vocal answer "mhm, yes please". You weren't able to say much more, your mind already clouded.

This was enough for Luke to leave kisses all over your inner thighs, casually sucking on overly sensitive spots, causing you to let out small moans and whispers. Spencer on the other hand was occupied with gently massaging your boobs, twisting both your nipples from time to time while leaving wet kisses along your jaw and neck. Your eyes were closed, your head leaning against Spencer's chest. Your back arched when you felt Luke's tongue licking one long stripe along your folds, a loud moan leaving your mouth.

"Luke, please", you moaned again as he began to softly suck on your clit. "Please what Sweetheart? You gotta use your words", he mocked as he continued to suck on your clit. "Please, I need your fingers", you whimpered and as soon as the words left your mouth, you could feel one of Luke's fingers teasing you.

Spencer continued to play with your nipples and leaving marks all over your upper body, at least the parts he could reach from his position. You were a moaning mess, not able to form a complete sentence and thought. The only thing on your mind were the two men who were currently giving their all to make you feel loved and appreciated. You always loved to feel Luke's fingers inside, it was one of the best feelings ever. His fingers weren't as long as Spencer's but they were thicker which meant that 2 of Luke's fingers were stretching you as much as 3 of Spencer's.

Luke noticed how close you were, clenching around his fingers, he sped up his pace, careful not to overwhelm you. His fingers and Spencer's hands which were still all over your upper body were enough to send you over the edge. The orgasm made you shake, your thighs clenching together, your back arched and your head pressed even more against Spencer's chest. Luke and Spencer kept praising you, telling you how good you were for them, telling you how much they love you.

It took a few minutes until you calmed down enough to open your eyes again. You loved the sight in front of you. Luke had put a shirt on, smiling down at you as he opened his arms. Spencer slowly let go of you when he was sure that you wouldn't collapse back into his body. You didn't trust your body, or more like, your legs, enough to properly carry you yet, so you decided to crawl over to him. Once you reached him, Luke took you into his arms, pressing you against his chest as you let out a quiet sigh.

You were coming down from your high, coming back down to earth which Luke took notice of, so he decided to free you from your collar. But what he didn't know was that you wanted to keep it on. Grabbing his arm at a speed, he didn't expect, you shook your head. "I-I wanna keep it on please", you said as you looked at him with puppy eyes. "Of course my love, anything you want", he replied, looking behind you to see that Spencer was getting off the bed, walking towards the closet to pull out a shirt for himself and new clothes for you.

He came over to Luke and you, once he pulled his shirt over his head. He carefully placed one of Luke's shirts over your body as the other man in the room helped you up on your feet which made it easier for Spencer to slip the fresh panties up your legs. Once the two men were satisfied, they laid back down on the back with you in the middle. Feeling both of their heartbeats it didn't take you long to fall asleep.