#I always draw my younger self from when I was like 12

[neostarz]

Me with my pet trimming! 7-9 years old.

[enavstars]

I wanted to do this in digital but I don't have the time right now.

For context I hc Rin and Obito as 2 years older than Kakashi, so Kakashi was 12 during Kannabi and Rin and Obito 14.

I don't usually draw Rin that much but I absolutely love her and plan to do more with her. It's funny because when I first watched the show I didn’t like her. It wasn't until I began to read fanfics and saw all the headcanons and interpretations of her character here on tumblr that I started to like her. So thank you all for that <3<3

So here are some (bits of how I see her/of my my headcanons about her) on her relationship with Kakashi.

Rin used to idealize Kakashi, so ended up crushing on him. And Kakashi really did carry himself with a lot of self-confidence and strenght, always giving that prodigy vibes. So Rin being a kid didn't realize how young Kakashi actually is.

This changes after the Kannabi bridge mission. Kakashi, whose body is still adapting to his Sharingan, is unable to keep the confident facade due to the inmense pain he's in (I can expand on this in another post if you'd like), so he looks extremely vulnerable and small.

After seeing Kakashi in this state, Rin can't ignore anymore that Kakashi is a kid even younger than herself and inmediately drops her crush.

So now Rin sees Kakashi as more like a little brother, and she decides to look after him. (This comes from what little caracterization we have in canon of her. In the scene where Obito dies, while Kakashi is crying and shaking, Rin inmediately stops crying when Obito asks her to do the transplant, showing her incredible mental strength).

And she takes care of Kakashi not just because she understands how important he was to Obito, but also as a way to cope, in the same selfless (but unhealthy) way she's always known. She needs this, needs to take care of someone vulnerable to help herself. After all, she was really messed up by Konoha and the war, she is still a child soldier who got her obsession with being useful to the village drilled into her head. So she distracts herself from her own grief by helping Kakashi with his, thinking it's what Obito would have wanted, even if it's slowly destroying her.

Because here's the thing, Rin underestimates how important she truly was to Obito and prioritizes Kakashi over her, in the same way Kakashi prioritizes Rin. Neither realizes that both of them were the most important people to Obito.

So in summary, Rin seals her own pain and refuses to cry or show weakness in front of Kakashi (supporting him like she supported Obito) but at the same time she spends most of her time with him with the excuse that she’s helping him with the pain from the Sharingan.

They sometimes sleep in the same hospital bed, hugging and exhausted, and then there can be heard soft sobs and sniffles. But it's impossible to know which one of them is making those noises.

[http-tokki]

need to know

~ choso kamo x fem!reader (tattoo artist choso au) ~tags/cw: tattoo artist choso, fem reader, tattoo artist au, tattoos, needles, satosugu is canon, modern au, choso has a scar over his nose instead of his markings, strangers to friend to lovers (strangers rn) tiny lil man verbal bashing cause men are weak lil babies when getting tattoos, reader is a lil chubby, choso is on antidepressants, smoking/vaping, drinking ~ wc: 2.9k ~ "Dude, he is so fucking hot. I wasn't expecting him to look like that!! What do I do?!! Help?!?"

You: Wednesday 8:45pm Hi, I was just wondering if your books were still open? It says they are in your bio but in case I've missed it and they're closed, please ignore this message, sorry! :)

Kamo: Wednesday 9:23pm Hey. No, they are still open. When were you looking to book? Do you have a specific design? Or are you looking for a flash?

 

You: Thursday 11:36am Oh, hi, awesome! Thank you for getting back to me so quickly! I was looking to book next month, towards the end. On a weekend if that would be possible (I don't mind the time), and for the design, just a flash (design 3A) on your latest post on my upper arm, around 15-20cm. :)

You: Thursday 11:52pm Unless you think it should be smaller or somewhere else, I'm not picky! I really want something of yours tattooed on me :)

 Kamo: Thursday 12:15pm Sure, no problem! I have the 24th free at 12pm. Does that work for you? The spot and size are fine, but I'll make up smaller and bigger stencils on the day in case you change your mind. The total would be $600 for the piece. However, I require a $100 deposit to secure your spot. I can send you the payment details once you confirm your interest. Please read through my FAQs on cancellation policies and further information.

You: Thursday 12:20pm 24th at 12pm is perfect! Thank you!! I'll send a deposit through now! Ahh, so excited! :)

 

Kamo: Thursday 1:07pm You're welcome. Here is the link x. Please send a screenshot of your payment as proof. For the rest of the amount, I accept cash only. If you have any other questions, feel free to message me. See you on the 24th.

You: Thursday 3:30pm Sending it now! Yay! Thank you so much! Super excited, see you! :)

Kamo: Thursday 4:35 pm Seen 

--

 "I sound like an idiot, don't I?" you grumble as your friend reads over your chat with a tattoo artist.

You watch your friend tilt their glasses down, squinting at the screen as their mouth curls into a grimace. They try to hide it with a sniffle, disguising their obvious disgust over your intense enthusiasm.

"Not an idiot," they hand the phone back to you, a frown set in the crooked way it always did when they were uncomfortable. "Just really, really eager, which can be cute if you like that."

--

Choso is growing tired. 

At what? There are too many contributing factors to the headache that had begun blooming his eyes five minutes after stepping into the studio to pinpoint the main culprit of his budding exhaustion. Maybe it was the late night/early morning combo, or perhaps it was the horrific lack of water and food he hadn't consumed in the last twenty-four hours. When was the last time he had taken his medication? Choso begins to run through the previous days in an attempt to remember when he had even glanced at the Zoloft sheet sitting in the bottom drawer of his trolley, but his attention is diverted from his lack of self-care to the man sitting in his tattoo chair. 

It is coming up on the two-hour mark since his client walked in. With a brazen attitude that could rival a Greek god, the man had outlined what had to be the simplest fucking tattoo known to man. Choso had rolled his eyes at the frankly impressive and thorough drawing done by the twenty-something gym bro before shifting the paper off to his younger brother. 

"Come on, it's easy! An hour tops, and then you've got like two fifty in your hand! You technically owe me an observation session, and this can be it." Yuji had gripped his brother's sleeve, tugging on it the way he used to when they were kids. 

Taking in his younger half-brother as his apprentice was a good idea in theory. The two lived and worked together, so there was ample time for obvs and practice, but today was already busy, and Choso was feeling like complete and utter shit. 

"Yuji, I don't want to do this. I have a client coming in at twelve for a full session, and I've got this headache and-"

"It's easy money, come on! Please." it technically was easy money. The design was a small band wrapped around the bicep, with no adornments or script, just a flat black line; it was the client himself that made Choso apprehensive. 

"Fine." Choso sighed, and Yuji almost jumped into the air in excitement. "You prep and clean him; I'm not doing anything but the actual tattoo." 

Yuji nodded eagerly and just about ran into the front room to confirm the walk-in appointment. 

That was almost two hours ago, and Choso is still here, finishing up the outlines of the band on a guy twice his size but carrying on like a toddler. Each touch of the needle on skin had the man flinching and hissing through his teeth, and there is only so much Choso could take. 

Choso eyes the clock nervously, his next appointment slot ticking closer but the second. There isn't going to be enough time to get out and grab a coffee or snack from the corner store. After another quick glance at the amount of work before him, Choso calls it fifteen minutes to twelve and clicks off the tattoo gun with a disappointed sigh.

 "Hey, I'm sorry, but we might have to split this into two sessions." 

He looks back over at this current client, who is sweating profusely. It takes everything in him to scowl in disgust at the once brazen man before him, but not the look on his client's face; Choso knows some form of repugnance had slipped through his composure. 

 "Yeah, sure, man, no sweat," the client replies, relief blatant in his sigh. "Sorry for taking so many breaks. I've got a weak pain tolerance."

That makes Choso feel a little bad.

"You're fine. I've just got a pre-booked client coming in like ten and need to set up." A little lie to hurry the man up. 

Hope is so close. So attainable that Choso can almost feel the sun on his face, but the shop bells slice through any dream of a break. 

"Hi, I'm here for my twelve with Kamo?" 

Choso slouches, attention now on the conversation happening in the front room. It's not even twelve yet! Why would she be here so early? 

"Yep! We've got you down for twelve, but Choso's still with someone, so if you wanna wait here, that's okay!" Yuji giggles in response. 

"Ohh, I'm just here to ask if umm…Choso wanted a coffee or anything?" his name is a question on her tongue. "I'm going to go get one and wanted to ask if anyone wanted anything so you don't have to wait in line." 

That's nice. Choso thinks and leans back on his chair, attempting to glimpse his new client, who has Yuji giggling at every word. 

"I was just about to step out to get coffee so I can come with you, but I can get Cho's; you don't need to pay for him." Another giggle. God, his younger brother is shameless. 

"That's okay! I can get them; just write your orders down so I don't forget!" the girl insists.  

"Ohh, but-"disappointment fills Yuji's voice. 

"Yuji, can you come here please!" Choso shouts down the hall, pulling his brother away from his new crush. 

Yuji groans, then the shop bells ring again, and then the sound of footsteps shuffles down the hall. 

"Yes?" 

"Can you wrap him up and finish the payment? I need a smoke." Choso rolled back from the bed, handing over the second skin he has yet to unwrap. 

Choso's brother sighs but offers the male client a friendly smile, sits down in the now vacant rollaway stool, and begins to prep the skin for wrap-up.

"I'll be back in five; if anyone needs me, tell them to wait." Choso grumbles the last part and offers a stiff wave to his current client before disappearing into the hall. 

 The knots in Choso's shoulder have been building for days now, and no amount of rolling or stretching seems to relieve the tension in his muscles, but it is nice to stretch and feel the blood move around him again. Heavy boots echo through the small shop as he stalks to the front desk, floorboards creaking under the weight of thick rubber soles. His fingers slip into his back pocket to reach for the small pack of menthols hastily shoved down after the abrupt end of his morning break. 

Stepping out into the world, Choso is blinded by the sun. Having forgotten about the passage of time while being stuck indoors all day, he now stands stunned in the small alcove of the shop's entrance. The sun nears the centre of the sky, beating down the world in a heat never seen before. It wasn't even the beginning of summer, and the sweltering days were breaking temperature records. Choso shields his eyes with a hand, and even then, his vision is blurred as his retinas adjust. 

The street is quiet; an abnormal silence had fallen over the usually busy road, but with the rising blistering temps, he suspects people aren't willing to brave the heat to shop or eat. Choso finds the familiar recess in the wall, a door had been there years ago but has long since been boarded up and now acts as refuge for him and his brother. Through any weather, time of day or season, the small alcove is a sanctuary for tired and burnt-out artists needing a second away from the constant buzz of tattoo guns. 

Choso scans the few open cafes and bars for his mystery client. Mainly office workers on lunch break and mothers with strollers waiting for the afternoon pick up; he can't see anyone that fits the image he had concocted in his mind on the short walk over until he spots a girl standing in line across the way. The tattoos that adorn her legs are what Choso notices first. Patchwork pieces from different artists in black and white with pops of colour here and there, but for the most part are monochromatic, all spaced far enough to be their own pieces but not so much that they seem gap-y. He is impressed at the choice, knowing that when getting patchwork pieces, they are usually slapped in any available location, but from what he can see, every piece flowed into each other and told a story against her skin. Her arms are equally as covered, though with more room, and he is eager to see the works up close. A flash of pink catches his attention, and he narrows his attention on the pink My Melody backpack that she swings at her side, pink wallet clutched in her free hand as she shifts her weight from her toes to her heels. Choso smirks at the bag and finds himself willing her to turn so he can see the face of the girl who we had been staring at for the past five minutes. 

He is staring and he needs to stop before he gets caught. Shifting his attention from the random woman, he fishes out his phone and focuses on the seemingly endless DMs and texts stacked on the lock screen. Sometimes, he wonders if he really should have gone into a career where his livelihood relied on communicating with strangers. With expert precision and one hand, he pulls a cigarette from the crumpled packet and slips the filter between his teeth. Biting down the filter, the taste of menthol fills his mouth, and relief floods his veins before settling in the deep groves of his brain. The cigarette isn't even lit yet, but his nervous system knows that the taste of mint will soon be followed by nicotine, and all will be well for a few minutes. Breaking the habit of smoking has been on Choso's New Year's resolution lists for the past three years, but he only ever lasts a few weeks before turning back to the comfort of those overpriced joints. Maybe next year will be the year. Choso digs through his pockets, fingers grasping for the lighter he keeps in his right pant pocket, but there is nothing. Maybe the other side? Still nothing. Third pocket? Fourth pocket? Nada. Zilch. Zero. Fuck. 

There isn't enough time to go back inside to search for matches, and he had already popped the filter and doesn't want to waste the smoke, but it would get gross sitting in the packet- his headache grew. 

"Choso?" a soft voice asks from above.

Choso looks up from his lap and is greeted by the most stunning woman he has ever seen. Breathing is no longer automatic as he stares at you, and when his lungs start to contract almost painfully, he realises and takes in an all too obvious breath.

It wasn't fair to look like that. With the sun illuminating your silhouette, cradling you in an angelic aura that has Choso debating on whether he should get on his knees and pray to you, but too much time has passed since you spoke and he acknowledged you that he has to say something, but all he can manage is a muffled yeah?

"I'm your twelve, but you look like you need a light?" you hold out a bright pink light between pretty pink manicured fingers. 

Choso offers a tight-lipped smile to prevent the cigarette from falling from his mouth and takes the lighter, flicking it to life. "Thanks, I owe ya."

He holds the flame to the tobacco, and only when it glows bright does he pull the disposable away.

"It didn't cost me anything, so nothing to owe."

There is a beat of silence as you throw the light back into your bag before bending down to pick up the coffee you had set at your feet. "Also, a coffee." another offer towards him. 

"The guy at the desk gave me your order, and I always buy my artists something before a session. I'm not hitting on you."

Your admission of this not being a move stirs something in him. Choso accepts the cold cup with a soft thank you, angling his hand away from yours, careful not to burn you with the lit smoke.

 "I'll meet you inside. Give you a moment to yourself." you nod towards the door of the studio, feet already turning to start walking towards the entrance. 

He watches you walk away, a smile creeping on his face despite not knowing why. You're as cute from the front as you are from the back, and he's glad the girl he had seen in the coffee shop is you. Soft curves make up your figure, dipping at your waist before filling out again over your bust. Choso feels his stomach twist in that familiar feeling, but he can't think of you like that; you're a client and nothing more. There is a mesmerising way in which you walk that has Choso unable to look away, and even when you've stepped into the studio, his gaze lingers on the empty space you once stood in until the rancid taste of burnt filter fills his mouth. Never in his life has he been as thankful for coffee as he is in that moment when burnt paper fills his senses. Taking a big gulp of the sweet but still bitter drink, it takes everything in him not to spit in the street, but he was raised better than that and will wait until he is in the small bathroom to spit up the gross contents.

 --

 When Choso returns, you are sitting on the small couch in the waiting room, filling out consent forms. Head down as you read the number of your ID and scribe it down in the open line; he walks past you, suddenly horrified by his heavy choice of shoe. The thick thud of the rubber soles on the hardwood has you lifting your head and smiling at your artist. Choso feels his stomach flip.

"So," Choso starts, but the smoke still in his throat chokes the word. He clears his throat and restarts his sentence. "So, do you smoke, or do you just carry the lighter?"

"My best friend smokes, so I just carry it 'cause you never know when you're gonna need a light." Your laugh is contained, almost forced, as if the interaction you are having is uncomfortable for you. Had he done something wrong?

"Ohh." Is his only reply as you return to the balanced folder on your lap.

Another moment of silence before Choso steps towards the hall. "I'll let Yuji check you in, and then just come in when you're ready." Had he already made you that uncomfortable in the two minutes you had spoken outside? Choso takes a deep breath as he steps into his space and suddenly wishes the whiney baby was the one getting tattooed.

--

You: Saturday 12:05pm Dude, he is so fucking hot. I wasn't expecting him to look like that!! What do I do?!! Help?!?

Number ONE best friend: Saturday 12:06pm suck his dick? ik guys like that :P 

You: Saturday 12:06pm Idk what I expected from you. I need actual advice, please Saturo. U owe me!

Number ONE best friend: Saturday 12:07pm ooh first name, you're kinda scary. Okay, here is what you do. You act like a normal human and then flirt a lil and suss out if he's into it and then ask him out to drinks?

You: Saturday 12:08pm That works if I KNEW HOW TO FLIRT. Ugh im screwed, he's so fine fuck

Number ONE best friend: Saturday 12:09pm eww, you're getting ur jizz all over the screen. just breathe and be normal okay, pretend he's me.

You: Saturday 12:10pm  Ignoring the first comment. Im gonna sneak a pic and show u BRO YOU NEED TO SEE HIM

Number ONE best friend: 12:10pm creepy but okeeeeyyy. Sugu also says to breathe and be normal but to ignore anything you think I would do

You: Saturday 12:11pm Thanks, Suguru, please kill him for me, ill talk to u guys in a bit

Number ONE best friend:  good luck bestie 8======D

a/n: okay so there is going to be a part two but I'm not sure when, please give me feedback if you want it or want me to stop, put the laptop down and go outside lmao lil texting format, lemme know how y'all feel about that

[il3x]

copin with yearningTM by drawing and writing the Weirdest Fuckin AroAce Relationships... just the most incomprehensible unconventional intimacy... and what fits the bill better than lisa/*ziz?

*not platonic not romantic not sexual not queerplatonic but a secret fifth thing. thematic.

yeah I nerfed the simurgh's size but that was the price to pay to redraw the statue it is based on.

an important thing abt my lisa/*ziz art is that lisa is always gonna be higher... the simurgh is reaching for her. the simurgh is a shard construct; her purpose is to collect data, and she collects it from people, like lisa. she needs lisa (metaphorically) to be fulfilled, in a way that lisa doesn't need her. the simurgh sought lisa out, chose her; lisa spent most of that time just thinking "ohgod oh god when can I get away from scary bird lady". no voluntary seeking out on her part! also, the simurgh is younger than lisa, and she's a shard construct. she doesn't yet have a fully realised, independent sense of self [might be headcanon, but that's how I see it]. she is learning humanity from lisa. she is the dependent one in this relationship

based on a statue by: Giovanni Scanzi (1840-1915) [finished by Luigi Brizzolara (1868-1937) upon Scanzi's death]Twice25 & Rinina25 uploaded: 2006-12-1, CC BY-SA 3.0 http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/3.0/, via Wikimedia Commons

[sodachalice]

i guess it's drudging up old feelings of being a really unwell child on deviantart and being met with the same mocking attitude i got from my dad by a bunch of 15-20+ year old men on deviantart, and the other preteens surrounding me mimicking those behaviors to try and appeal to those men. i was in a group called "sicksonas" or "sickponies" which were just essentially ponysonas based around your trauma and it was a very good way for me to express my feelings as child going through intensive emotional abuse and hospitalizations, and its what led to me being groomed by an older guy on deviantart because he made parody "fan"art of my "sicksona", and hid his anger behind him pretending to try and offer "actual criticism." and because i was abused and sheltered and 12 years old i didn't understand that he was making fun of me, i thought his criticism was valid and that i needed to "fix" my art. this eventually lead to me being groomed by him to be essentially a gore fetish machine for him and a bunch of other people who acted like that.

and i'm oversharing mostly because while my case is extreme, it's like, man the kids you're making fun of are not well. you are not making fun of children who are okay. i don't understand where the justification of mocking kids for cutting themselves is that theyre just "privileged spoiled children who need to make up issues by hurting themselves" because if you know anything about child psychology it's very clear that cutting and self injurious behavior is nowhere near normal or okay for a child to do and is almost always indicative of child abuse. and people know this, they know this and then they just conveniently ignore it when they want to make fun of the edgy emo kids on deviantart. it just breaks my heart. it reminds me that no ones willing to actually listen to them, and thats why they end up in the positions they're in.

i'm definitely over reacting to this drawing, but also, i mean, its on theme with my blog. every single drawing i do, all the art i put my effort into, its a homage to the 13 year old i was online. it's a love letter to every edgy oversharing mspaint drawing done on deviantart, an appreciative work for the art that i made and loved when i was younger, that helped me get through a genuinely bad time. i've spent too long embarrassed and ashamed of myself for my weird "creepypasta-esque" edgy teenage deviantart art, im sick of it. that IS a real expression of emotion and abuse i was going through and that needs to be respected, and if no one else is going to do it, i will.

[32bitterra]

Heya hi howdy! Hope your days been well! Anything you’re looking forward to you wanna share? Or any doodles? Any Headcanons you’ve always wanted to talk about but never had the opportunity???

I dunno! Mostly just wanted to say I LOVE your works and look forward to seeing your posts on my dash <3

Oh and, Hi Quentin! (,’

Helloooo! I've been alright. I'm kinda looking forward to when my sister leaves once more so I can play PN1 on her laptop and do Very Important Camper Research on the weekend, but that kinda sounds mean like I WANT her to leave lol. It's not the case.

I've actually been meaning to revisit/redo the previous time I shared headcanons when you asked, but I haven't gotten around to it. I basically took some bulletpoints from my "Thought Compilation" doc and some of my guidelines and observations got mixed in with what could be considered "headcanon" or "interpretation" or whatever. Some of which have been altered/changed due to better understanding the characters as I draw and observe/learn about them more, so that post has become somewhat outdated. This is also part of why I considered making a side blog or something, but I dunno.

ETA on that: Eventually.

Now for doodles. Anything I've done recently will be compiled in a post like I do monthly/bimonthly, so look out for that in August (or whenever I feel the time is right.) There are some things in there I think you may like, but I am not ready to share them yet.

But I do not want you to go empty handed, so I will show some fun things I call "absolute rejects." Some of which do not even exist anymore and the only proof they existed is from crusty phone pictures. I will also share some doodles I did not deem good enough to post. This post is getting long, so I will put them under a handy dandy cut:

This is from October 28, 2023. It's hard to tell, but Lili is the one tickling Raz's nose.

(November 13, 2023) PATHETIC.

(January 22, 2024) Older Phoebe.

(April 12, 2024) An earlier version of older Crystal.

(October 18, 2023) I showed my sister and she said she looked like a mouse. This is why anthro Tala is a mouse.

(October 28, 2023) Benny die lmao. I think this was a request?

(February 11, 2024) I'm not sure how to explain the context.

(February 12, 2024) Or the context to this one either. They are repelling like magnets.

(February 14, 2024) OK!

(March 7, 2024) It is my duty to Megaman-ify everything I like.

(June 16, 2024) ???

(June 17, 2024) I actually thought about including it in the June doodle compilation, but decided against it. I have a soft spot for very early Psychonauts fanart. This is me channeling my younger self to pay tribute to that lol.

Wait, I've got one more thing:

Hello from Quentin. I also want to thank you for leaving kind and enthusiastic words on my drawings! I highly value them and it makes my day to read them.

[stepswowdsen]

【KagePro】 Saeru's Characterization + KuroEne's Ship Portrayals Rambles🖤💙

Summary:

My history with the 9/6 multiships + KuroEne-centric rambles

My observations on Kuroha/Saeru's portrayals in fan works/doujinshi

My personal tastes/aesthetics on Saeru's characterization and KuroEne's ship portrayals/depictions

My History with KuroEne 🖤💙

Original: Highspeed Fujimori Colour Edits: Me

I have more to add to this tbh, but I think I wrote what I wanted.

I first got into KagePro when I was around 12 (presumably October 2013), a few months after Outer Science’s MV released in August 2013.

Sometime during late 2013 - early 2014 is when I fell in love with the 9/6 multiships (KuroEne, HaruTaka, KonoEne)

I was actively drawing for a few years, then switched to other interests but would lurk KagePro news (song releases, manga updates, etc.)

My younger self’s KuroEne AU’s concept went like “Saeru comes to meet Ene and bonds with her while she’s still stuck in the phone.”

So, I’ve been lowkey lurking KagePro fan works for a long time. I haven’t been completely active though, so I rediscovered a lot of KagePro official and fan works (like merch arts) recently.

Recently, I came back to KagePro and KuroEne in April 2024, which is when I completely revamped my KuroEne AU.

I came back to KagePro as one of my main interests for the first time in years.

I always wrote my ship AU stuff privately, so I eventually started posting my rambles once I came off priv ^^

The overall concept of the KuroEne AU has roots in my younger self’s ideas, but I rewrote it entirely from scratch (without looking at my younger self’s ideas) and came up with most concepts from scratch too.

I came up with the idea of Ene occupying an android body in the KuroEne AU around mid May 2024.

KuroEne AU Route Branches 🐍🐰

KuroEne AU Routes tend to branch off like this

1) Saeru plays the game with Ene alone and only reveals his true nature on August 15th

Saeru possesses Konoha from the start, meets with Ene, and gains Ene's trust. Saeru plays the game with Ene alone, and doesn't meet the rest of the MekaDan.

Eventually, he vaguely tells her about the legend of the Medusa and tells her he's the holder of Awakening Eyes so he can change his body at will and possesses snake-like features, an explanation that she accepts, since she's impressed by his Eye Ability and finds kinship in him.

She expresses delight at being able to find someone who can understand her so well, and someone who also has "circumstances similar to her" as another Eye Ability user.

He also gets to reveal the name Saeru without much suspicion, but keeps his plans hidden. Proceeds with his plans on August 15th.

2) Saeru plays the game with Ene alone and reveals his true nature before August 15th

Same as the above, but Saeru instead drops the facade mid-way while they're still in an intimate relationship (because he wants to see Ene's reaction).

He reveals that he's the Clearing Snake, but still hides his true plans, so their relationship immediately becomes more tense and hostile, but more honest since Ene has a better picture of his true nature.

3) Saeru pretends to join the Mekakushi Dan and MaryEne team up against him

Saeru possesses Konoha from the start, meets with Ene, gains her trust, and pretends to join the Mekakushi Dan.

Purposefully acts more tame and nicer to keep up the facade, and does favours for the MekaDan to gain their trust. Proceeds with his plans on August 15th.

Usually this Route set-up leads to a MaryEne team-up Route against Saeru at the final confrontation (though it could still happen in the others, if MaryEne managed to befriend each other before or on August 15th)

4) Saeru steals Konoha's body after KonoEne got the chance to meet each other

Saeru possesses Konoha after Konoha and Ene have already developed some kind of relationship (friendship, relationship) and Ene perceives him as the evil snake that stole Konoha's body.

Since Ene is aware of his true nature (but doesn't know his true plans), their relationship is much more hostile and tense since Ene gets a better picture of the "real him."

Saeru gets to reveal his true name and nature. Proceeds with his plans on August 15th.

Misc Rambles

The KuroEne AU is my fantasy. I wanted to make the perfect angsty and compelling set-up for it.

I put a lot of care into depicting my faves :)

Making ship works is putting my fave Barbie dolls together, making them kiss (/lh) and exploring their relationship.

I only create ship AUs for my top faves (and sometimes secondary ships) because not everything I'm into needs to have a ship and/or AU tbh.

I see my ship AUs as love letters created from passion. I create my ship AUs out of love for my faves, since they're the only ones I'm willing to dedicate this amount of my free time and effort into.

And I have a tendency to gravitate towards rare pairs and niche popular ships in general.

Evil meow meow mf freak who's Morally Questionable (Morally Bankrupt) and sadistic and bloodthirsty x Soft empathetic with a bright disposition (Morally Agreeable) and loves their friends is my ultimate Sen-core ship trope 🐈‍⬛☀️

My utterly predictable chara/ship tastes.

I love my KuroEne AU sm 💗 I cherish it very deeply. I love how fleshed out it is, its unique setup and context, and all the interesting ideas I came up with, with Feila's help and inputs ^^

My Observations on Saeru's Characterization

Ok, I'll ramble a bit on my observations and sentiments on the way Kuroha/Saeru would get depicted in fan-works/doujinshi roughly from 2013 - 2019

Honestly, I think one of the biggest reasons why I made my KuroEne AU in the first place was cuz I wanted a KuroEne AU that would explore the potential of their relationship dynamic in ways I would be satisfied with.

Imo, there’s a lack of Kuroha/Saeru characterization exploration in his depictions in fan works, regardless of whether it’s fanon or canon-verse.

On top of the fact that most fan works (especially back then) mischaracterize tf out of him.

And there wasn’t much doujins and fan works available (at least out of the ones I saw) that appealed to my tastes.

I don’t vibe with a lot of his fanon works even when they’re set in canon-verse, because they just don’t manage to nail the appeal of Saeru’s chara (or don’t even characterize him correctly), and I’m just SO picky about his characterization.

In general, I’m really picky about the portrayal of all of my fave charas and ships since I have extremely specific tastes, so I do my best to characterize them well, and try to portray their relationships as best as I can…

As someone who first got into KagePro as a kid, I noticed that most KagePro EA fandom artists prefer to depict fanon-verse Kuroha/Saeru, especially in gen and ship doujinshi.

Which is fine, I understand the appeal of putting him in more lighthearted domestic settings without the canon-verse KagePro plot involved and not really involving angst/death/murder.

But the thing that bothers me is that most Saeru depictions in KagePro fan doujinshi have him with no unhingedness, no insanity, no murder, no "inhuman nature" caused from him being unable to know or understand human sentimentality/emotions and love, no calculated, manipulative, cunning nature, no cold composure/distance from humanity, and no toxic twisted love towards his beloved (S/O) in ship fan works

What is he without all of this tbh.

He’s a shell of himself. He's basically a completely different character at this point.

Like it just takes away everything that makes him, him.

Like good god, why would you want to make him generic?

Him getting portrayed as some generic ass tsundere/yandere trope (when he is SO far from that imo) is so ??? to me.

That's not my mans (cat) at all.

Btw, I'm saying this while still buying these doujinshi btw.

Saeru gets so little doujinshi these days, and since I do still enjoy the art, I would like to support fellow fan artists. Some artists still have interesting takes.

If people only had Outer Science as their only context to go off of, you’d think that the fan-works/doujin portrayals would go to the extreme end of him getting portrayed as some bloodthirsty yandere (even though, post-MR2 Saeru lore drop, that’s obviously wrong too)

The fan-works swinging to make him some easily embarrassed generic tsundere guy is so WILD to me.

This character’s unique context as the main villain and instigator of the time loop tragedy, his cunning, manipulative nature, the way he weaponizes his knowledge/intelligence to his advantage, his distance from humanity as a non-human being/beast, and his inability to know and understand love and human sentimentality, etc., are the things that really speak out to me about his character.

I actually think it’s 100000000x better that Konoha and Kuroha/Saeru aren’t just Haruka alter egos, but entirely different and separate beings as originally Eye Ability Snakes.

Cuz imo it just adds more interesting conflict and tension into the 9/6 ships’ relationships (ie. HaruTaka, KonoEne, KuroEne), cuz it means that Takane/Ene has to reconcile with the fact that she loves/is attached to someone who’s so strangely connected to her late beloved (having his face, body, and voice), but isn’t him.

Btw I think fanon-verse AUs and fluff and shitposts are fun and I like seeing them too.

But Saeru is like the only one out of my top fave charas where I hardly see the canon guy’s characterization being depicted in fan works like doujinshi and comics. Like it's mainly the fanon version.

I find that kinda frustrating, that most of his depictions in doujins have him being flanderized as some “ideal version” of himself.

Like at least my other faves that get doujinshi for the most part are still decently characterized (except when they’re not) and still act like themselves.

I thought that MR2's lore reveals would shift his portrayals/depictions now that his character has been recontextualized, but it didn’t really seem to affect his fan-works/doujinshi portrayals that much.

But I also think that this is the direct consequence caused by KagePro's original source material being the Music Route (Vocaloid Song MVs) and having content that slowly released over time.

The fact that he only got very brief cameo appearances in Children Record and Losstime Memory and then got Outer Science as his main appearance in 2013, (prior to the Saeru Hebi (Clearing Snake) reveal), means people only had the MVs and their own HCs/interpretations to go off of

Since Iirc the Saeru Hebi (Clearing Snake) reveal only came post-2014 due to MCA (Mekakucity Actors - Anime Route) and Novel Route (LNs).

That development came later, since Iirc it wasn’t always intended for his chara.

So the guy basically got HC'ed the shit out of him, and him getting portrayed often as some smug tsundere or yandere guy stayed in his doujinshi.

And I'm not really satisfied with the doujins that were of him in canon-verse (doujins of Saeru in canon-verse were much less frequent to see), cuz Saeru is a chara I'm SO picky with how he's portrayed in ships.

Saeru has a power imbalance with other charas, which is fine. It's undeniable that the power imbalance exists.

But I dislike when the power imbalance between him and other charas gets skewed in unsavoury ways.

Because I think that, because he's the most violent/aggressive chara, who also holds power over the entire cast in both knowledge and power, that his chara needs to be treaded with carefully for ship portrayals.

I absolutely despise the Fandom ™️phenomena that happens with every single masc chara where they get portrayed in gen/ship fan works as more pushy/aggressive, and even worse, etc., due to Misogyny.

Regardless of chara/ship, I seriously dislike whenever I see fan-works/doujinshi have unsavoury depictions where the "more masc" chara just… one-sidedly torments their S/O.

It's giving Misogyny Core and Torture 101 vibes /neg

That shit is seriously so unappealing to me 😭

Not only that, but imo, Saeru ships just don’t work when his S/O is so passive. They should be a bitch back and throw hands confront him

Irt my own depictions, I always try to balance my KuroEne ship portrayals as much as possible because I'm picky about their characterization.

Especially when Saeru's chapters in late-MR2, released in like 2017. MR2 (Manga Route 2), despite the lacking, undynamic art, is incredibly valuable to me story wise, especially for certain charas, because it recontextualizes Saeru's characterization so much.

Rambles with Feila

(I think I got more to say but I can't find my old rambles in my Notion files rn so here's my rambles with Feila)

Me: I'm not really interested in fanon verse Saeru depictions that flanderize his chara as some "ideal" version of himself. Cuz that's not my guy to me tbh.

His canon verse self's characterization is what makes him most interesting to me.

I want to depict my fave charas/ships well.

But Saeru gets so little doujins nowadays that I want to support these. So I end up buying them anyways

Me: To clarify, I'm not really interested in fanon Kuroha cuz for him to be "tame" without any unhingedness/insanity is just not my guy to me, but I do want to see more fan works of him. So I end up getting his doujinshi anyways.

If he's acting more tame and keeping his darker tendencies hidden because it benefits him, then that’s a whole different story.

Because that would actually play up to his true nature.

He would've recognized that it's more advantageous to him to keep his true plans to himself so that he can gain his partner's trust, indulge in the game by making them addicted to him, and therefore, get the outcomes he wants.

Also, it reduces the risk of him getting found out sooner than intended (before August 15th or earlier)

Me: I wish there were more KagePro fan doujinshi with canon-verse Kuroha/Saeru...

His canon chara interests me most and yet everything I see from him from EA/JP fandom fanon works is like some flanderized/idealized version of him. And I'm not looking for that.

But I will get fanon-verse Kuroha/Saeru doujins anyways, even if he's mad OOC (Out of Character)

F: And when it is set in canon-verse, he's terribly mischaracterized

Me: Like the portrayals that have him being violent to his S/O in rancid/unsavoury ways??? That's so blegh to me 😭😭😭

F: Irt Saeru doujins, I just appreciate the artstyle ngl

Me: YEAH same. I'm getting Saeru doujinshi almost solely for the art style alone.

F: And Saeru barely gets any content, let us Saeru fans win for once 💔

Me: YEAH it's weird how he hardly gets doujins nowadays. He either gets portrayed OOC to hell and/or rancid to hell.

I'm not winning!!!

Me: I win all the time with LmGd cuz it's a beloved niche popular ship that gets ship teased and fed by both official content and fan works.

F: Saeru having fucked up morals but just not acting upon it 🫶

F: Some KagePro EA fandom artists have doujins that range from wholesome to gruesomely angsty.

Me: Yeah they are still interesting to see. As long as the portrayal isn't too bad (characterization wise), I'll still take a look.

F: I like the doujins where Saeru lives with the MekaDan in peace like a family :v

Me: I appreciate fluff-centric content (no angst), and I'm fine with fanon verse Saeru + MekaDan fluff.

But when fanon-verse Saeru depictions takes up like 90% of his existing fan-works/doujins...

At least the ones I've been able to find/read, anyways.

I'd like to see more variety cuz I hardly see the canon guy.

There are old doujin previews from 2014 I'd be interested in, but it's a shame that doujinshi are circulated for such short periods of time physically due to limited print copies, and then basically disappear from the internet.

Me: With that in mind, I think it's also the curse of him having limited contents since KagePro first released through the Music Route

And the fact that fans had to make up their interpretations/HCs of him as content slowly released

So a lot of fan content of him prior to MR2's release was just people making up their own HCs

Like old/early fan contents even portrayed him (fanon Kuroha/Saeru) as some smug but easily flustered tsundere guy??? 😭

F: OH THAT DASJDAAK

I swear I dug deep into KagePro Tumblr

WHY IS HE PORTRAYED AS SOME KIND OF TSUNDERE/YANDERE

Me: IKR LIKE THAT'S NOT MY MANS (CAT) TO ME

(Also whews I'm glad I'm not the only one that noticed this)

F: I cringed looking at it, even if I didn't live out that era of KagePro

Me: Ngl kid me's KuroEne fanon verse stuffs were OOC as hell too but well, kid me was living out a fantasy of Ene being their wife. I was just doing whatever 🤸

I had canon-verse and fanon-verse KuroEne art ideas as a kid

Now my KuroEne AU portrays them in ways that appeal perfectly to my tastes 🫶

I mainly draw/write for the KuroEne AU for myself, so I'm happy to see others like my takes on their characterization and relationship.

I hope to give more interesting insights 👍👍

My kid's canon-verse KuroEne AU was angsty as hell, basically it had a similar set up to the KuroEne AU I have now, where Kuroha pretends to be Konoha and bonds with Ene while she was in the phone.

Though I think I prefer to write KuroEne AU Routes where Kuroha possesses Konoha right from the start because it's more interesting that way.

But my current KuroEne AU was massively revamped. Rewritten entirely from scratch.

My current KuroEne AU is when I came up with the idea of the android body in May 2024.

But yeah I started paying more attention to character analysis and characterization as I got older.

Like I think I only got a handle on doing character meta/analysis rambles when I was 18 - 20.

Especially since I was into KagePro WAY before the release of MR2 and the later LNs.

F: Listen we all went through character development, don't worry 💔 I was a big weeb back then

Saeru's Motivations in the KuroEne AU

To me, it makes sense that Saeru avoids bringing up his S/O's loved ones and past memories directly in front of them.

However, he does weaponize his knowledge in different ways and uses it to his advantage.

Based on his knowledge of previous Routes, he comes to know and understand exactly how his S/O acts, how they'll respond to him, how to seduce them/tempt them with carnal pleasures, how to cater to their preferences in intimate scenarios, etc.

In Routes where he has a more amicable relationship with them prior to August 15th.

In this case, Saeru doesn't bring up Haruka and Konoha to Ene in most Routes (until maybe the final August 15th)

His main goal is the same as in canon, to make Azami's original strongest desire (the one that created him) come true, to constantly destroy and rewind the world out of spite against the world for changing Azami's wish, and keep up his pseudo immortality with the time loops.

His secondary goal in the AU is to make his S/O crave him and be addicted to him so that his existence becomes “necessary” to someone.

So, in short, he wants to be seen and acknowledged by someone.

I originally wrote about it here: (X)

And then included the short quote snippet here: (X)

I think that this is the end goal of what he wants out of his "game of indulgence" with his S/O.

He would recognize that making his S/O constantly relapse about the past would only hurt his relationship with them.

Like, he only does it if he's playing around and interested in seeing more outcomes play out.

Therefore, in most Routes, he figures that it's more advantageous and benefits him more to keep it to himself.

I see his actions in the KuroEne AU as:

His way of retaliating against and mocking/spiting the way he lost his sense of purpose (reason for existence) when Azami's wish changed to wanting to be with her family, and then acts out on desperation to retain his sentience and avoid being forgotten and fully disappearing.

And his way of curiously “getting to know” the pure love and human sentimentality that Azami gained without understanding it.

Even him being willing to indulge with a human in carnal pleasures like this, is a form of irony he doesn't realize.

Misc Rambles

Quoting this from the last part of this post: (X)

Because I like the wording of "He makes note of all the human sentiments and gestures that will be useful to him."

Because it does still show how he weaponizes knowledge to his advantage and how he has an underlying goal for what he's doing (messing around in the time loops with the human he picked as his S/O and target, to entertain himself)

F: Does he see commitment as love? Perhaps gifts? Bonding?

Me: Imo he would catch onto his S/O's love languages and fave hobbies and things, things they'd appreciate. Like he'd buy things for Ene as gifts (plushies, video games, new clothes, etc.)

Again, he is learning how to "love" his S/O better each time, so he makes note of that... Of all the human sentiments and gestures that will be useful to him.

Augh his whole deal in the KuroEne AU is… “Beast that lacks humanity and doesn’t know love, only knows what twisted love (obsession) is… Because the only thing that’s left without love, is devotion…”

I LOVE YOU SAERU HEBI 💗💞💘🫶

[zerzeyl]

I have a special redraw sketch for you, more or less. Recently I was looking through my old drawing folder and found some (dare I call them) character designs from 20 years ago.

I was 12 back then and obviously obsessed with big Anime eyes. And I was drawing a lot more girls than boys. I'm not sure what my younger self would think about my art now. But I know she would have been sad about the long period when I've dropped drawing completely. The time when I thought that it made no sense because all the others were better than me. But eventually I picked it up again years later, motivated by other creative souls surrounding me during my media design training. And I can say that I've been drawing without any greater breaks for about 8 years now. I often think that I should draw a lot better by now, but I've accepted that it's not a contest and we all grow differently. It might sound pretentious, but I think my strength isn't the way I draw, but the power to help others to keep drawing or pick it up again. That's why I like to share sketches and works in progress, because I know that this can motivate artists a lot more than just sharing finished illustrations. I want to let you see the mess behind it. I want to let you know that the most important thing about drawing is that it gives you joy. It can be frustrating too, sure, but you'll eventually get there. Take your time, don't always push through. Some people need that, I understand it, but not everyone. Don't do it for social media, do it for yourself. You want to participate in challenges? Go for it! You feel midway it doesn't get you anywhere? Don't feel obligated to fullfil it. Sometimes you need to take a bit time away from the platforms to reconnect with your own thoughts and wishes - we're so easily influenced by trends. So, yeah, maybe just search for a really old sketch and try to redraw it. This can be a super motivating experience! Or draw that thing that's on your mind that nobody asked for. Keep sketching unpopular fan art. Do it, please! Nobody but you will do it.

[adollchild]

I think I managed to figure out my... identity thing. Despite me being a young adult in college, I'm internally 7-12 years old. As such,I don't feel as mature as my peers,and often watch cartoons and draw and stuff. I'm not very interested in the big people stuff. I'm still unsure if I can call myself a regressor, because I don't truly notice until moments like this,where I get to truly reflect. My question for you is, can you be a different age on the inside,and be unaware of it because it's how you felt for so long? And could I label myself as permaregressor if that's the case? I really want to,but I'm afraid of offending someone, especially since I don't have any trauma and stuff.

Hi there anon

While it is not my place to tell you what labels you should use for yourself, I can say that it is entirely possible to regress without noticing it immediately during involuntary regression. I don't know how familiar you are with the different terms, but in case you didn't know, involuntary regression is when you regress without intending to do so. This can be both a positive and negative experience, depending on the specifics. It is the opposite of voluntary regression, which, as the name suggests, is when the regression is self-induced and intentional. You also mentioned that you feel around 7-12 years old, which could make the signs of regression more subtle as opposed to the younger ages, since you might still be able to things like walking, talking and using the toilet, and thus make it harder for yourself to notice.

As you probably know, permaregression, or permanent age regression, is when you're always regressed, at least partially, 24/7. Trauma is not the only possible reason for permaregression, since it can be caused by a lot of different things, such as different disabilities, medical conditions and some mental illnesses, to name a few.

So no, it would not be offensive to use the term permaregression if you don't have trauma ^-^

If you don't want to use the term permaregression, or you feel like it doesn't quite fit your experience, an alternative option could be "age dreaming". The official description of age dreaming is (taken from here), that it's "an umbrella term for those who’s headspace does not fit beneath the age regression umbrella. It may encompass those who go into a child-like headspace for fun, those who act/behave like a child non-sexually, those who’s headspace is both “child” and “adult” (aka not fully ��regressed’), those who consider themselves to be a child and partake in a lifestyle of reliving childhood, and those who just enjoy the aesthetics and comfort of childish things."

I hope I could help just a little bit. And again, if you find that the label of permaregression fits your experience, I don't see anything wrong with you using it ^-^

(Also, remember that I am not a mental health/medical professional or a regression expert, I'm just sharing what I know from my own research, observations in the community and personal experiences. If something I've said is incorrect, please tell me ♡)

[thewhumpcaretaker]

Hello!

For the OC ask game, 8, 11 and 12 for both Adelais and Ninelen, please?

Thank you!

@wounds-seen-and-unseen

Yayay, thank you for the ask!

Ninlen

8 - Do they have a nickname? who gave it to them? if it's not derived from their real name, what's the story behind it?

Adelais might call him something, but for now, there's just family stuff. Ninlen's mom calls him "honey." No real story, just a habit. He doesn't really like it, either.

11 - What do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

Ninlen is the most overt self-insert in terms of personality that I have ever created. I tried to see what would happen if I just mimicked and sort of exaggerated the writing style that I already use in my own journals. I gave him a lot of my flaws (and OCD loool), especially flaws I had when I was younger. Ninlen is me during college, when I was absorbed in utilitarianism and pretty self-righteous and self-deprecating at the same time. I think the main difference is really that he's drawing those thoughts from religion, while I was pulling from different sources. I'd also say he's a lot more physically capable and disciplined than me. He's also a lot more willing to rough it and be out in nature or do gross things, whereas I'm pretty fastidious.

And of course, we're both Caretakers at heart!

As far as whether we'd get along... I've done another ask about this before, but I think we would argue about philosophy. We would end up friends anyway, because the same issues are important to both of us and we both care about Adelais, but we'd have a rough time getting there.

12 - How long have they been around? do you know their birthday? is their birthday the day you made them or another day? what do they think of celebrating birthdays?

I came up with Ninlen last fall! I wouldn't necessarily consider that his birthday, but that would line up with him being a Libra, which ties in nicely with the "scales of justice" imagery. Plus he just seems like a fall baby in general.

Ninlen really likes birthdays! He does feel undeserving of big gifts, but he always likes to see people gathered together and happy ^_^

Adelais

8 - Do they have a nickname? who gave it to them? if it's not derived from their real name, what's the story behind it?

You do not call Adelais anything other than His Highness or Prince. It will not go well (unless you know him personally, in which case Adelais is better).

Although Ninlen has started doing diminutives in his head - "my poor little Adelais," "sweet, fragile Adelais," etc. If he ever does this out loud, Adelais is going to meeeeeelt <3

11 - What do they have in common with you? how are they different? would you get along with them?

We're both kind of dreamy and withdrawn, I think. A day spent making things in a studio is a good day for both of us, and we both have that lavish aesthetic. His relationship to sexuality is drawn from personal experience as well - I identified as greysexual in my late teens/early 20s. He's really cuddly but not interested in anything more. And we both feel emotions intensely, especially guilt and affection.

The big difference is how we respond to those big emotions. I tend to go inward or get passive aggressive, like Ninlen, while Adelais explodes and starts lashing out. He was raised with aggression as an ideal, while I dealt with the opposite. He's also a lot more mischievous and willing to break the rules.

We'd get along fantastically though, he's like...exactly what I'm drawn to! People like Adelais are so fun to be around. I just want to be nice to him ahalksdjfalksjdf

12 - How long have they been around? do you know their birthday? is their birthday the day you made them or another day? what do they think of celebrating birthdays?

Adelais and Ninlen both came about last fall. But I think Adelais' birthday is in February.

Oh wait...that means it's probably coming right up in the story...um, happy soon-to-be birthday Adelais, hope you're enjoying the torture dungeon T_T

Anyway, yes, he loves birthdays, especially his birthday. He is an absolute diva about it. To be fair, as prince, he gets excellent presents.

[animalsalvationassociation]

Small Q&A:

No I’m not back but I had a few generalized questions about the blog popping up so I thought I’d answer a few just to clear the air. Yes I am still on hiatus.

Question 1: Watermarks

For anyone confused as to the watermarks that are on my art pieces — @cookiecrumbles52palace is my main user for all of my art blogs except for secondary art accounts like character creation pages on Instagram.

[ Here is an official link to all of my socials. ]

—

[ And this is if you want to learn more about me ]

—

Question 2: How do art??

“How are you so good?”, “Wow I wish I could be like you!”, “You’re so talented I could never!”

It never gets easier answering this. Every artist/creative would agree with me, these are by far the most asked questions I get on literally a daily basis. They bring me joy and the validation I’ve always wanted but at the same time they make me extremely sad and uncomfortable.

As of 09/2024 I will be hitting my 12 year mark of being an artist and a writer. It’s a rough estimate of when I began, but I basically started in September around the age of 11.

“What got you started?” you ask?

The Ninja Turtles.

When I was a kid that’s all I wanted to do. I wanted to be a comic book artist for a living (my favorite show at the time being Nickelodeon’s 2k12 TMNT) I remember my lonely days of sitting on my bedroom floor spending hours a day drawing just a few panels at a time. And although I was a kid with no friends, starting a new school year in a new house/school/state, I at least had my stories however monstrously drawn they were.

Now nearly 12 years later I’m self taught, I work a part time job in retail, I live at home with my family at 22. And my dream is to be a published author illustrating her own stories. I’ve already illustrated a published book but eventually I want to create for my own novels.

I’m still learning how to adult and take care of myself. And let’s be honest I don’t do a very good job at either of those things, I have a lot of health problems and my emotional state keeps me from doing a lot of things. But I wouldn’t change my situation for the world because even though I’m struggling, I’m happy.

Basically my point is . . . no matter where you are on your creative journey you have a bright future ahead of you. You’re going to make mistakes and hit a million roadblocks, but if you keep working and believing in yourself then you’re gonna go far. My best friend in the whole wide world is my younger self, because she kept pushing even when others had given up on her and I couldn’t be more proud of what she became. Even if it’s hard to look in the mirror sometimes.

Question 3: DM / Asks / Art Requests / Comms

I’m officially sorting through my asks. I’ve been having some spam asks recently and I will be deleting some of the ones I don’t feel comfortable answering. I am sorry but I have my limits, if your ask gets featured then it gets featured I don’t know what else to tell you. (I don’t know how to phrase this kindly)

Adding to that, do not follow me if you expect to get art requests in return. Just because you asked nicely doesn’t mean I’m going to spend my precious free time making something for you. If I wanted to do commissions or requests then I would put that in the bio or in a pinned post.

Art is one of the single most important hobbies for me alongside my writing. It’s a way for me to escape without having to leave my room/house. Please understand, there are plenty of other artists out there with amazing art that would love to handle your commission or requests that probably have so much more free time than I do. And I would be happy to point them out to you because they probably need the money more than I do.

Question 4: Returning??

“Man Cookie, you’ve been gone for a few weeks like you said you would, but do you have a date of when you’ll be coming back??”

Tbh with you, no. I’ve been trying really hard this year to involve myself in Art Fight, and so far I’ve been having a lot of fun doing that as well as working on some other projects like my Voltron fanfic or my novels.

But when it comes to Octonauts I’ve been really nervous about getting back into things. Which is pretty silly but kinda makes sense considering everything I’ve been creating in the last few months all on a whim.

I think my plan is to finally start posting again the second or third week of August. The first week and a half I’ll be at a family reunion, and if I’m correct I should have some time to just relax and get into my own head space.

No promises but I may end up working on a headcanons post for the A.S.A. Au to help solidify some things for our wonderful Octonauts. Not sure when it will be done but I’ve already started on Kwazii’s. Other than that no art until I’m off my hiatus.

I promise I haven’t forgotten about any of you, and thank you for the wonderful comments you left on my last post. Just thinking about it makes me want to cry all over again! 😭

Have a wonderful day and please stay safe/healthy! I love you all! And a special thank you for making it to the end of the post, you’re wonderful. Here’s a cookie 🍪

[spicymiilk]

Work up today feeling Blegh so instead of actually writing or drawing or painting I will be teasing Crop Circles with a list of Modern Au Nocorro HC’s enjoy

- this one has been in my head forever. Spider has a septum piercing, 100%. He does all his piercings by himself in someone’s basement with the most unhygienic needles known to man and it’s a miracle and a testament to his rock hard immune system that his ears haven’t fallen off. He and Neteyam begin to bond when Neteyam (who has to try to break out of perfect first son mold) asks him to pierce his nose

- projecting here, but Neteyam is a pottery guy. He’s on the debate team and quite frankly he’s insufferable and stupid smart, but in his downtime he goes to the local ceramics studio and goes on the wheel and makes things.

- spider’s a foster kid, which inherently comes with so much trauma and problems but one of his biggest unseen ones is he’s always living life with one foot out the door

- Neteyam’s damage is absolutely his insane, balls off the wall self-management and the expectations he has for himself. He’s incredibly uptight but not in a good way, he’s just incapable of relaxing. A chronic fixer, always looking for solutions to every single persons problem

- in this AU, Neytiri is gods gift to mankind. She met Jake before he become paralyzed, and stuck through with him and practically got a second degree in nursing (her first was geophysics, our educated queen) while learning how to help

- the Sully’s begin fostering when Lo’ak and Kiri turn seven (yes, they are twins again. You can pry twins Lo’ak and Kiri out of my cold dead hands) and stop for a while after Tuk is born. They see many different sorts of children and Neytiri, who works from home, becomes AMAZING at reading kids

- Jake is the Dad ever. He’s so good. There’s something inherently soothing about his presence, and he’s a tiny bit gruff sometimes, but only on bad pain days. Otherwise, he’s instrumental to showing a bunch of kids that fathers and men could be good people. He plays with little kids and teenager fosters alike, and he religiously talks with Neytiri to find out what each kid needs

- once neteyam hits 15, he starts helping out with the younger fosters as well, as a big brother figure. Tuk teaches him a lot, so he’s able to tune in to the soft and mushy gushy part of himself to hang out with children

- he tries to employ some of these techniques with Spider, since he forgets to turn that part of himself off, and Spider thinks he’s literally insane

- Like Neteyam will slip into like baby-talk while Spider’s in the room and they make horrible, split second eye contact

- They know each other from school, and Spider used to be a grade above until he failed a year and had to repeat a year. He n Neteyam are seniors at the local high school, but run in drastically different circles

- spider is a massive loner, with like a diehard bestie who’s probably a bit of an addict or a fellow foster kid and Neteyam’s got fake friends galore, in the most stereotypical high school way. They had one project together in some English class way back when and it’s Neteyam’s only memory of Spider, but they were like 12 and Spider is drastically different now, and Neteyam can’t really reconcile with that

- go read @be-the-glenn-to-my-maggie ‘s fast food AU HC list a BUNCH of shit will pop up in this modern au

[cowboylikeekatie]

ben hanscom is JUST as important as every other character and i am going to ramble about him real quick!!!

ben, he’s strong, but he’s also soft at heart. he’s there when he’s needed but he’s a poet in his blood and it’s painfully obvious so little people fully grasp what he’s gone through? being bullied for your body, something you can’t change very often, and being harmed physically for it, is something that’s definitely extremely hard to go through. ben loved beverly for 27 years. he kept her signature in his pocket. he’s kind and brave and always there when his friends need it. he’s a writer and he’s a lover, not a fighter, he’s beloved by me and maybe like 12 other people in this fandom. he appreciates literature and history and his kindness shines through. he has a rough home life on top of his school life. His biggest fear is having nobody and being lonely and he self loathes. ben grew up and lost the weight and proved everyone wrong, even though it wasnt necessary. he’s a beautifully written and portrayed character and i love him.

i think people cruelly make fun of ben and sometimes i wonder if they too are going along with the bullying he receives. you don’t have to love a character but excluding him (and mike) from the losers club is so unfair. drawing him age like 14 and younger as skinny, also wrong. growing up he was one of the only times i saw myself..fat…on the big screen and despite the representation being a little off i was truly excited because in a world where at the time it (1990) was released, plus size people only had the opportunity usually for comedic relief, i felt more at home. IT has always struck a chord with me because of the bonds but seeing someone similar to myself in that friendship made me feel at home. while i’m a teenager right now so im definitely not in the same age range as a lot of the people who saw IT(1990) were when it released i was taken aback in a positive way from the emotional aspect of bens character in all films and the book. i look really similar to ben like if u genderbent 2017 ben i think you’d probably have a carbon copy of me and i lived my whole childhood in self loathing and to see myself on the big screen without being comedic relief made me feel some sense of safety. ben hanscom is such a great character and i feel so bad that he receives sm hate.

ok ramble done:) (tysm to the people who reblogged this ily guys🫶🫶)

[symphony-tv]

1, 5 and 12 with lana for the ask game :3

thank you for the ask!!!

1: okay so this is gonna be a bit of a journey :P i’ve been in the jugdral fandom for about a year and a half now i think? and who i rotate in my brain has changed a lot since then. lana already had an advantage because i tend to like characters of her archetype (genny’s one of my faves from SoV), so she was already in the upper half of my character rankings, but i didn’t really think about her as much as some of the others. the first thing to get me attached was how fun she is to draw for me. like i already loved the retro anime fluffed-up hair everyone had going on, but lana’s known for having it extra wild, and just finding ways to stylize the hair + having that sweet spot of clothes that aren’t too complicated or simple to draw meant that she was already filling a lot of the blank space in my notebooks.

so flash forward to some months later and idk if anyone else gets this but my faves always hit me with a sort of flip of a switch. like i sit here and then. blorbo beam. and lana was no exception LOL but anyways only making my attachment bigger was when i decided to write a fanfic for my top ship for her (that is unreleased because i’m still writing it 😓). said ship only has a single work on AO3 where it’s a background thing and i was sad so i had to start making the content myself! i wanted to do my best to get everyone’s personalities right so i did a whole multi-paragraph analysis and was squinting at every single line she had in the game for notes and i found that she has a lot more to her than the fandom gives her credit for. like she’s always kinda written off as “seliph’s default love interest” or people look to her substitute instead (i mean i get it muirnes a really good character) but i found that there was more than what i had seen discussed!! and so i’m kinda going on a huge ramble here LOL so i’ll try to wrap it up. in short, found it really interesting how she has a lot of hidden insecurities around relationships that seeps into her conversations, like there’s the seliph conversation where she brings up julia for some reason but i’m pretty sure by that point they knew she was his sister?? and another thing is how her conversations with her other love interests are a lot more…generic in comparison to seliph’s. her having a crush on him is kinda there whether you pair them or not, but she’s shown to be kinda shy, so even if they’re friends it feels like she’d take rejection pretty hard. and so i saw the other conversations as indirectly showing that she lost a lot of her self-confidence as a result. i know some people could take it in a Faye Echoes way where she just settled for someone else but idk that wasn’t really the vibe i was getting. because of that, i found it interesting to think of how she could move on from that and gain more confidence in herself, and eventually have a relationship where she’s happier. so yeah anyways

TL;DR overanalyzed the blorbo and got attached

5: gonna go with fantasy by mariah carey, reminds me a lot of her thinking about her crush lol

12: i’ve got a couple! let’s see

-she read a lot of books when she was younger and started a sort of mini book club with the tirnanog gang. around the time everyone was in their teens the meetings gradually came to an end, but it gets revived after julia joins. current members are lana, julia, tine, and nanna (seliph would’ve rejoined but he’s too busy)

-i keep forgetting she doesn’t actually have curly hair in canon but to me she does. i will always spread my curly hair agenda

-she has the highest spice tolerance out of everyone in tirnanog

[proxythe]

some of my fav p3 hcs:

☆ junpei takes on a big brother role with ken. lending him manga and video games rated teen/mature that he knows contain content that is okay for his age. taking him out at night to the arcade/for "secret" menu items. sneaking fun snacks into his room so he has something to feast on besides milk. this makes ken feel seen as an equal rather than as a child bc junpei is so genuine in his antics that it doesn't feel belittling/mothering.

☆ mitsuru begins truly seeking out her own style after she + yukari deepen their bond in november. at first, this results in some truly horrendous outcomes bc yukari wanted mitsuru to select what she liked for once instead of a stylist choosing for her. it comes to a head when mitsuru walks out one sunday wearing a red leather jacket, tan cargo pants, a retro graphic tee, and crocs. she eventually lands on a casual alternative style under yukari's strict guidance.

☆ akihiko is prone to forgetting about things outside of his goals or the people he cares for. this leads to many situations where he finds himself standing head empty, no thoughts in the middle of the grocery store or during casual conversation with family/friends/acquaintances. his tell that he's forgotten something is the tips of his ears turning bright red. when younger, he'd steal shinji's beanie to cover them out of self-consciousness. his notes app is clogged with dozens of nonsensical ramblings such as "milk" or "sun outside" in an attempt to remember such things.

I LOVE THESE 😭😭😭

junpei (along w yukari, minato/kotone, fuuka, n aigis) being older siblings to ken is so important to me… idk how to explain but it just hits different …!!!! i love when ken shows up and junpei wants to be his older brother so bad lmfao. i feel like him (and the other second years) being closer to ken’s age makes it easier for them to understand him so it’s way easier for them to get along. only downside is junpei cannot help ken with any of his work. it could be the easiest problem youve ever seen and junpei will be like “sorry i cant help you”

the thought of mitsuru not having any sense of style is so funny bc i’ve always just been like “yeah i mean she can probably dress decently on her own” but it would b cute to think she just picks out whatever she likes without thinking if the outfit will actually look good together or not. she sees a funny little cartoon on a shirt and is like This is delightful!!! and grabs it and pairs it with the most expensive and beautiful pants you’ve ever seen. then she wears a hideous pair of shoes to top it all off. without yukari, i imagine she wears her ugly ass outfit to go out to eat w like. aki or something. she shows up n akihiko (who knows how to dress) is just like what the hell are you wearing

now that u say this… akihiko is kinda sim coded. does workouts anywhere he goes. forgets what hes doing the second he enters a room. & omfg. him blushing to the tips of his ears is something i put in my drawings all the time idk if it’s noticeable but i love it so much… + the notes app thing so real but also imagine him sending texts to ppl to remind himself of certain things. mitsuru waking up in the morning to see akihiko texted her “Water” at 3:42 AM. shinji picks up his phone and has 12 notifications from akihiko within seconds of each other (its a grocery list). ken doing his homework and akihiko texts him “Koromaru” and nothing else (he needs to take koromaru for a walk later)

[mazm-imagines]

Notice! (NOT THE END OF THIS ACCOUNT I PROMMY)

Aheeem aheem wheemper...

Hi guys. Sorry for making false assurances again... just forgor to get to the halloween asks even over my fall break. However I do want to talk about certain things. I want to explain this creative block and for a moment just be vulnerable on here. There's been so much in my life right now I've been feelin like dogshit and then last night i was talking to a friend snd it all clicked. This is a really long post so I'll put it under a cut.

I have to admit... my passion for mazm is dwindling a bit. I wont be dropping the blog or anything not at all. The memories I've made here cheered me up when I was at my worst moments.

I like to write and draw to make people happy. I remember when I was 12, I came onto mazm tumblr tags to just look at things. I came across an incorrect quotes blog, and while I don't think it was the highest effort content, it still put a smile on my face because I could tell whoever ran it was passionate. People were passionate. The mod left around 2020ish??? And i remembered being so sad.

It's hard to make content for small fandoms. Heaven only knows others have it worse... some only have 3 people instead of 5/lh

I've watched mutuals leave the fandom as they lost interest. Which is completely normal like it happens. But it just. Sucks. Its hard to make art/writing when you dont have people to exchange ideas with. I know I should be writing for myself, but I also would like to know that there are people reading and watching. I want to make people happy in the same way i was happy in the past.

But the dwindling activity on here + the lack of participation in the community events such as MazM week makes me want to give up trying sometimes. Not giving up trying to write nor answer asks by any means. I do those of my free will. But give up trying to reach out. I absolutely hate forcing interest, i don't like to harass others.

As i grow older, and younger members join the fandom, i start to feel a disconnect. Not because they are doing anything wrong, and I am happy that children get to enjoy MazM the same way i used to. It's more that my tastes mature, but i don't have anyone to discuss it with. It feels strange.

There's also the fact that I've always been more fond of MazMs original works such as Pechka, Thy Creature, and Hyde and Seek. I like Phantom of the Operas more original aspects ironically, but was never quite fond of Jekyll and Hyde. I often think a large part of MazM discussions involve the adaptations rather than the original aspects. Which again, I feel a bit out of place with.

All of this, and it starts feeling a bit lonely... I must be self pitying because the discord is pretty alive and I do see people in the tags. I appreciate all the creators i see, from the bottom of my heart. Everyone that creates something or speaks their mind or participates, that is what keeps it alive. If anyone ever wants to reach out to me I am more than happy to talk and share ideas.

But I've felt my old work was juvenile. I keep rereading my current work and looking at my current art. I keep feeling "not enough". Its leaked over to my other interests too like IDV. I have to drop one of my biggest projects because I've lost passion for some of the characters due to lore shit. And the other fic, I just couldn't read my prose without cringing. Which sucked because that project was for myself, it wasn't meant to be serious it was just yume shit. But... maybe that just reflects upon how I feel with myself now. That if no one reads, then I must be doing something wrong.

I love mazm from the bottom of my heart, I admire the team so much. It's why I started to draw seriously, it's why i started to read and analyze seriously and heavily influenced my writing. I AM MAZM FAN NUMBER 1!!! i am super excited for the new edgar allen poe game of course i am. It's just seeing the team members leave one by one and the format change so drastically... i don't know. The magic is different. But I will always support MazM despite it all.

So this is where I am now. Burnt out, unable to look at my own creations properly, cold lasagne hate myself. All very kafkaesque im sure. I don't want to put out low effort posts, so that's why I've just been keeping my askbox preserved. To all the people that sent me asks, thank you so so so much. You guys are the reason i am not letting this blog go anywhere. And I am very sorry to keep you all waiting.