#I also need Monet's ass to have the baby already

[astoldbychae]

Papa, I missed you. 🤤

...and you, I missed your pregnant ass too. 🙄 (I'm only rolling my eyes because I'm not ready for another infant)

[harveyhawkscripts]

[A4M] Comforting BF With a Bath and Cookies [Romantic] [Comfort for toxic masculinity] [Personal attention]

Google Doc

Usage:

- Okay for monetization 

- Please credit me as Harvey Hawk :)

- Tweaks, improv, and pronoun changes are okay! Just please do not rewrite the script completely.

Synopsis: The VA’s boyfriend comes home after a rough visit with his father. The VA, ever the loving partner, decides to pamper him with affirmations, facemasks, a warm bath, and cookies.  Includes non-sexual bathing together and suggestive dialogue.

Key:

[SFX and Action]

(.) Short Pause

(...) Longer pause

(Voice instruction)

Word count: 1148

VA:

Hey, sweetheart. Welcome home.

[Kiss]

How did your visit go? Is your dad doing alright? He wasn’t too hard on you, was he?

(.)

Hey, what’s wrong? You seem upset. What happened at your dad’s house?

(.)

Why would he say something about your job? You have a stable job that you’re happy with, what could be better than that?

(.)

You provide for me plenty! Oh, sweetie, is that what this is about? Just because I also work doesn’t mean you aren’t providing for me. I think we provide more than enough for each other.

(.)

I’m so sorry, sweetie. He shouldn’t criticize you like that.

(.)

You do not rely too much on me, and it’s none of his business to say so. Gosh, I wish I had come with you, now. You know, I can go with you next time. I wouldn’t mind. In fact, I might have a few choice words for that dad of yours. He has no business talking to you like that.

(.)

‘Man to man talks?’ It doesn’t sound like it to me. A man doesn’t invite his son over just to berate him. If he’s this bad, are you sure you should still be going to see him? I mean, I’m not saying to cut him off completely, but would he settle for a phone call?

(.)

How about you suggest switching to phone calls for a while. If you need me to, I can talk to him.

(.)

I won’t pick a fight, I promise! I’ll just tell him you’re busy with work and can’t come over for a bit. That should get him off your back for a bit, right?

(.)

Are you okay, sweetie? Did he say anything else?

(.)

Too emotional for a man? What an old-fashioned ass!

(.)

You are not too emotional. You’re open about your feelings, and I love that about you.

(.)

Aw, love. Come here, let me give you a hug.

(.)

Shh, it’s okay. You are the best man I’ve ever met, you know.

(.)

Yep. You’re caring, strong, intelligent, and I am so proud to call you my partner.

(.)

Like I said, we provide for each other. You have given me so, so much. We have an apartment full of love and a kitchen full of food. You take care of me when I’m sick, cook for me, you even mend my clothes! You do more than I could possibly ask, my love.

(.)

Mm, you feel so tense. C’mon, how about a bath? I can rub your shoulders~

(.)

I thought you might like that. Come on then, love.

[TIME SKIP]

[Faucet turns off]

There we go. Nice and hot, with plenty of bubbles. Would you like to get in first?

(.)

Of course, I’m joining you. It would be pretty hard to massage you from outside of the tub.

(.)

Who me? I’m not planning any funny business.

(.)

Of course not! You know me, love~

(.)

Oh! Hold on! I almost forgot something!

[Plastic package opens]

Okay, now turn towards me and close your eyes. This will feel cold for just a second.

(.)

And… there! It’s a lavender face mask. It should make you feel nice and calm.

(.)

Isn’t it great? I love using these things to de-stress. They smell so good, and my skin always feels silky smooth afterwards.

(.)

Hehe, you look like you’re enjoying yourself already. Now scooch over just a bit so I can slip in behind you.

(.)

Ahh, I love a good bubble bath. Now, let’s see about those shoulders. Lean back towards me.

(.)

There we go, sweetie. Doesn’t that feel lovely? Oh, you’re so tense. You really needed this, didn’t you?

(.)

No, it’s no bother at all. I love pampering you. I love feeling how relaxed you get, how you melt into my touch… Yeah, just like that.

(.)

Hehe! You’re so cute, baby. I would be tempted to kiss you if it weren’t for the facemask. Hmm, but maybe I can kiss you right… here.

[Smooch]

Oops, did that tickle? I’m sorry, love, I forgot how sensitive your neck is. I’ll keep my lips to myself… for now.

(.)

Like I said, no funny business. Just lie back and let me work out the kinks, love.

[TIME SKIP]

(Sigh) Wasn’t that refreshing? Your skin is absolutely glowing, too.

(.)

Mh-hmm~ You look very handsome. And now that you’re not wearing that facemask, I can kiss you properly.

[Kiss]

Hehe! Someone looks like he’s feeling better. But I’m not done taking care of you, yet.

(.)

Nope! Come on, I tried some new cookie recipes today and I need a taste tester.

(.)

Okay, so the kitchen is still a bit of a mess, but I promise I’ll get it in the morning. It’s mostly candy wrappers anyway. See? I made candy cookies! There’s toffee, peanut butter and chocolate, and even peppermint. I used those soft chewy mints for these, and I think they came out really well. Here, say ‘aahh.’

[Crunch]

Sooo? It’s good, right?

(.)

I knew you’d love it! Here, try the caramel one.

[Crunch]

(Flattered) Aww, thank you, baby. You’re too sweet. I wouldn’t say that I’m the best baker, but I think I’m improving. Heh, remember when I first started baking? I made you a birthday cake but forgot the baking soda, and it came out hard as a rock! But you weren’t mad in the slightest.

(.)

(Laughs) I guess it was pretty funny watching you try to cut the cake. You broke the knife.

(.)

(Giggles) Okay, so technically I broke the knife. But you were still so patient with me. You always are.

(.)

Ohhh, you’re making me blush! Hush and eat another cookie. I’m going to get you a glass of milk.

(.)

Here you go, love. Once you’ve finished eating, we can go take a nap together.

(.)

Yeah, I can tell that you need one. I just wanted to make sure you were clean and fed before you laid down, so you’d sleep better.

(.)

Hehe, I guess I’m just really good at knowing what you need. Are you all full and ready for a nap now?

(.)

Oki doki! Let’s go lay down, then. While you were at your dad’s house I changed the linens, so they’re nice and fresh.

[Footsteps]

[Slipping into sheets]

Come here, love. Let me hold you.

(.)

There we go. All cozy. Here, let me comb my fingers through your hair, just how you like. Would you like some kisses?

(.)

Aw, of course, my love.

[Kisses]

My sweet man. My wonderful, beautiful man. I love you.

[Kiss]

Don’t worry about your dad. We’ll figure it out. You don’t have to keep going over there, and you definitely don’t have to keep listening to him. He has no idea the kind of man you are. 

(.)

You are the strongest, most patient, most loving man in the world. And I know that, because I know you. 

[Kiss]

Mm, sleep now. I’ll be right here when you wake up.

END

[ultralaser]

thinking today about all the social media sites i have lost over the years

2018/9 to today - twitter

cause of death - a robber baron having a midlife crisis, or maybe a multi level marketing scheme of authoritarians aligning to take down a protest hub

what we lost - a reliable, expansive feed of traditional Wierd Internet, breaking news, esoteric discourse, and minor celebrities who might actually follow you if you had a good bit of humor or outrage go a bit viral

2010 to 2018? - instagram

cause of death - facebook buyout, the algorithm, monetization

what we lost - started as a nice way to share pictures, then it became very difficult to see your actual friends pictures under all the Content, then they pivoted to video (stories aka snapchats), then they pivoted to video AGAIN (reels aka tiktoks), now they've somehow pivoted to video YET AGAIN and buried your friends reels under an avalanche of reposted tiktok Content, if they havent all been shadowbanned anyways for only posting pictures

2008 to 2018/9 - tumblr

cause of death - yahoo, digital gentrification, a legitimate need to clean out all the csm that went really badly and ended up breaking everyone's trust

what we lost - a full decade of community building of all the quirky independent artisinal discourse this site became known (and then maligned) for, leading to the last three years of twitter users whinging endlessly about tumblr bs while i'm all "why are you booing us, we're right!" bc this is where we were radicalized and twitter is where trump happened

2000? to 2015? - facebook

cause of death - nazi apologia, maga regulatory capture, broken ass algorithm, pivot to video, "it's meta now", etc etc

what we lost - it started as a fun simple way to keep up with your family, and friends from hs and college and old jobs, and to share cat photos and baby photos. it ended up as a radicalization vector for turning your grandparents into far right trolls.

2003ish to 2005ish - my movie critic friend luke's web forum on his personal site

cause of death - actually i don't remember, it might still be there, oops. but probably hosting fees vs just moving to facebook

what we lost - a fun little community of luke, me and some of his other internet friends, some of his irl friends, and his cool irish uncle, plus random angry strangers, just talking mostly positively about movies. it was a good vibe, felt like working at the movie theatre again

1999? to 2002? - killingmachines

cause of death - hosted on a server in my brother's office, which died and killed the archive and also nuked the code, which, will definitely happen to someone's mastodon instance in the next 3-6mos, oops

what we lost - a budding community of us and our friends and also a bunch of early internet randos i never regained contact with but still remember fondly to this day

1999 to 2001ish - the raving toy maniac "toy buzz" forums on toymania dot com

cause of death - hosting fees, the internet changed, my group had already aged out like two message board generations ago as we graduated hs, etc

what we lost - being yelled at for going off-topic unless we were hiding our conversations in replies to old posts way down the board, a community of like minded toy nerds who absolutely believed that scalpers were an organized cartel ruining the hobby for everyone else, the naivete of the late 90s dotcom era, getting to watch week old posts and reply chains slowly disintegrate as they fell off the bottom of the page, getting to append NT for no text to posts where you put your whole short reply in the post title so no one needed to click through to that post on slow-ass dial up connections. but also, the pure anticipation we all felt for the star wars prequels in the summer of 1999 when all we had was a trailer, a promise, and a MOUNTAIN of merch on the way

1995 to 1999 - email

cause of death - too much god damn email

what we lost - a manageable amount of primarily non-spam email. 95% of what email used to be is just what facebook became, and twitter perfected it, becoming what email could have always been but never got to

[xserpentlife]

Spaces

Jadestark-parker Maybe one where the gang is hanging out at the worm and y\n slips into one of her Spaces and is literally beg pea for sex in Secret and he’s getting really upset because they cannot see her like this but he doesn’t wanna leave. If it's not too much can you please use the phrase “is this what you wanted”. Just one more thing a lot of degradation, maybe also a spit kink? A little girl space. She really needs that dom attention from pea

A/N: Hope y’all love this sorry requests are a little slow, I also do not like to do two smuts in a row because I know I have some people on my page who do not read smut so if you have non smut ideas send them in as well because as of right now most of my inbox is smut. Thank you to my amazing beta @wayward-river​ as always go send her stuff and follow her

Word Count: 1901

Warnings: Filthy Smut, Degrading 

The Wyrm was your safe space but not more safe than Sweet Pea was. You felt like yourself there, safe to be who you were and hang out with your friends. You loved the Wyrm like it was your second home.

You were sitting at the bar waiting for Pea to bring you your drink when you heard the familiar sound of your favorite song, a few drinks in and you were already ready to dance. After the week you had had you wanted to let loose and have a good time with your friends. You got up going to the dance floor moving your hips back and forth as you felt Pea come up behind you and whisper into your ear.

“Hey baby”

“Hi daddy” Pea gasped looking at you wide eyed.

“C’mon your water is on the table”

“But I thought you were getting me vodka”

“I was but now its water”

“Fine” you pouted as he grabbed your arm bringing you to the table, he sat down as you wrapped your arms around his neck and leaned against his back and the chair.

“Baby sit down, c’mon” You swayed your hips to the music, eyes closed in another world.

“Don't wanna” You watched Fangs, Toni and Jug walk up taking a seat at the table around you. “Hey” They all waved ordering drinks from the bartender that was taking rounds.

Soon a loud sound came from the back corner of the bar, two new recruits fighting over a game of pool. You were never one to like when people fought. Call it anxiety, call it ptsd from your childhood didn’t matter. Your one arm tightened around Peas neck as the other snaked around his arm. He felt you tense around him. His hand reached up to your cheek as his eyes met yours. “Hey look at me, I'll take care of it”

“It’s okay”

“No its not baby, they are acting like jackoffs, yo Jug, you wanna deal with these losers”

“Yeah, might as well before they break the cues” You watched as Pea walked over grabbing the larger kid by his collar and yanking him up, before slamming him against a wall, knuckling white as his hair flung in his face. The words he was saying jumbled together in the bar scene around you. You didn’t care what was being said. You saw the kid try to punch him with his free hand, as Pea dodged it and grabbed the kid by his shirt. You watched the snicker form on his face, before throwing him out of the Wyrm. He knew you were never one for violence. He was trying to protect you, not trying to cause more of it.

You were calm again, the anxiety leaving your chest as Pea had taken care of the violent situation that had been unfolding, but the wetness forming between your legs was another. In that moment you knew you needed Pea, you didn’t want to wait until you got home, or wait until any other monet then, right then and there. You moved forward standing in front of him as he sat in his chair and took a seat on his lap. Turning your face up ever so slightly to place a careful peck on his chin. You watched as Toni and Fangs began their own conversation, looking towards the dance floor Fangs pointing towards one of the members of the Serpents he had been crushing on for months. Toni, probably trying to convince him to make a move. The song that came on in the background of the bar making your hips move against Sweet Peas lap, a moan slowly escaping him as he recovered himself with a cough.

“Yo, you good Pea?” Fangs looked over “Yeah, yeah just needed a drink” you giggled to yourself before putting your head into Peas shoulder to stifle your laugh.

Pea reached up grabbing a handful of hair before pulling your ear down to his mouth, “think you’re funny baby girl?” You nodded. Bouncing up and down slighting watching Pea smirk to himself. ”want it daddy”. Peas eyes went wide as he looked at you. “Hehe what daddy?” He didn’t want to scare you or freak you out, or make anything out of the state you were in, all he wanted now was to take care of you, take care of what you needed. The fight must've put you in a spiral after the week you had had. Maybe letting you do what you had been doing on his thigh would get it out of your system, enough for you to enjoy the rest of your night with your friends. Pea doesn’t like for people to see you like this, because you don't like it. It's a secret between the two of you, something intimate and special. “Daddy…” he looked at you before grabbing your hips “yeah princess, wanna ride my thigh hmm?” you nodded before looking forward. He grabbed your hair once again yanking your head back towards him “Listen princess be a good girl for daddy okay, ride my thigh like the good girl you are and cum for me okay, but you gotta be quiet and secret okay, make sure no one knows, got it” You nodded excitedly as he let go of your hair.

You lifted your skirt slightly draping it over Sweet Peas knee as you spread your thighs further apart. You began to ride Sweet Pea, your body leaning into his for stability, hand grabbing his other leg. Pea leaned up “I can feel how wet you are and I’ve barely touched you”. You bit your lip, his words echoing through your body. He moved a few strands of loose hair, biting his lip and putting his hands on your hips to help you move faster. Pea couldn’t help the growing beneath his jeans as your moans echoed into his ear. “Gonna…” Pea leaned down placing a peck to your lips. “Gonna what princess? Cum for me? Do it baby girl, but remember to be quiet okay?” Your body gave out and you leaned into his, your breathing heavy as his lips meant yours to stifle your moans. You were never known to be quiet. But it wasn’t enough, as you leaned your hand to catch yourself you felt the bulge that had been growing and craved more.

You got up seeing the wet spot that had formed on Sweet Pea’s thigh. You leaned towards him, hands placed on both his thighs to whisper into his ear. “I know you know I’m wet daddy, you can feel it, and see it, and I know your hard” you moved your hand towards his hard cock as you slowly unzipped his jeans “Lets go have some fun”. His face red; anger, joy, embarrassment all in one as he grabbed your hand dragging you to the upstairs lounge where no one would bother either of you.

Your back hit the wall with a thud as you heard the lock of the door, lips instantly on your neck. “We shouldn’t be doing this, we are in public”

“S’okay daddy”

“Fine, but only this once, and only because FP is out of town and we can be in here alone” You smirked at him before his lips met yours again. “You’re being a bad girl princess” His hand came down to your clit, your underwear ripped off your body, and thrown across the room. “Is this what you wanted baby girl? You nodded biting your lip while your thighs came together craving more of his touch.

“Kneel for me baby girl” you nodded “what was that?”

“Yes daddy”

“Open” you opened your mouth as you felt his hand squeeze your cheeks as spit came into your mouth, you swallowed it down. “Who's my dirty little slut”

“Me daddy”

“Such a dirty girl yeah, only for me and no one else” he grabbed you up before leading you to the couch and pushing you on it before slapping your ass. Quickly he flipped you over to be under him. Starting to pull down his jeans before you stopped him. “Do you want to stop princesses?”

“No daddy” you got up pushing him on the couch before undoing his belt and pulling off his jeans and boxers, placing a quick kiss to the head of his cock before grabbing his hand and making him stand up and getting back into the position he once had you in. He grabbed your legs and put them over his shoulders. You cursed into his neck as you felt the head of his cock hitting the walls of your pussy. His thrusts hitting deep every time.

“That’s it. Fuck you take my cock so well angel. You love it when daddy fucks you like this huh” You were a whining mess.

You were drawing in the scent of his cologne and his breath up next to you, your eyes ready to lull back into your head, and he saw it in your eyes. “Not yet baby, dont cum yet princess, not until daddy tells you, remember the rules”

“Please daddy” you begged and pleaded for him to cum for you and to let you cum, you needed it and you needed it now. “Oh fuck.” you cried out as he picked up speed, thrusting into you faster, “Feels…so good.  your voice broke as you cried out. “P-please daddy” He gripped onto your hips, thrusting as deep as he could getting ready to ride out his high. Your eyes rolled back, a loud moan escaping you. “Oh what princess does that feel good”

“Please!” you begged, “I’m close! Let me cum” you cried out a tear slipping down your ear, by the stimulation you were feeling, and that's when Pea knew it had been enough.

“Go ahead and cum for me, princess.” Your breath hitched inside your chest as you reached your hands into his hair. The walls of your pussy clenching around his cock. Your back arched as your eyes rolled back. Pea is still thrusting to help you ride at your high as he was so, so close to his. You breathed heavily looking up at him above you, now wanting his cum more than ever.

“Open wide princess, The little slut can’t wait for me to cum, hmm? Just a little cumdump for me to use” he degraded, before moaning lowly he pulled his cock out of your wet pussy, his precum dripping out mixed with your wetness.

“Open” You opened, tongue out as his cock was placed into your mouth. His head fell back, eyes shut as a guttural moan escaped his lips. White cum making its way into your mouth as your mouth remained open. His hand reaching up and grabbing your face.

“Such a good little slut for me.He spit in your mouth and you held it open until he gave you the command to swallow. His thumb dragging across your lip and into your mouth.

“Only for you daddy” You giggled smiling up at him

“DId you have fun baby girl”

“Yes daddy” you nodded and continued riding out your high as your mouth met his. He soon let you down as he picked up your dress and slipped it over your head. His flannel also made its way around your arms. “Wanna go home daddy”

“Of course princess”

[missmentelle]

How do I know if I'm burnt out and what are signs of being burnt out? In relation to both university and work?

Unfortunately, burnout is a very common problem among both university students and people in high-stress jobs. For those of you who are unfamiliar with the term, “burnout” is effectively where people reach a breaking point after being in a high-stress occupation (like a demanding academic program or a high-pressure career) for too long. Being “burnt out” is not an official diagnosis, and you won’t find it in the ICD-11 or the DSM-V. But it’s something that an increasing number of people are experiencing every year.

Not everyone is at equal risk of experiencing burnout - many students and workers never really deal with this. Factors that put you at high risk of burnout include:

Having poor work-life balance. If you spend huge portions of your time working - working through weekends, doing tons of overtime, working late, not taking vacation, working through lunch - you are at high risk of burnout. Humans need rest, relaxation, hobbies and time with friends, and when you sacrifice those things for work, it will eventually take a toll.

Having very little control over your day-to-day tasks. No one has perfect control over their daily work tasks - not even the self-employed - but having some element of control is important. If you have a say in things like when to schedule meetings, when to book client appointments and which task you are going to work on when, you have a lower risk of burnout than someone whose tasks tend to just be dictated to them. 

Having perfectionist traits or holding yourself to very high standards. People who experience burnout tend to be overachievers. They constantly try to go above and beyond because they put immense pressure on themselves to do their best work at all times. If you’re the kind of person who beats yourself up over getting an A- instead of an A and makes a point to be the last one out of the office every day, you are at risk of burnout. 

Having a dysfunctional work or school environment. Is your workplace plagued with bullies and office gossip? Do your lab members take pleasure in ripping each other’s research and writing to shreds, without really being constructive about it? Does your boss take their bad moods out on the rest of the office, even when you haven’t done anything wrong? A dysfunctional workplace creates burned-out employees.

Having unclear instructions or directions. It is extremely difficult to be in a work environment where you are expected to do be productive, but you aren’t given clear expectations, a clear list of tasks or instructions for how those tasks should actually be performed. It leaves you constantly feeling like your work isn’t good enough and isn’t done properly, without actually giving you a route to improve; you often end up working twice as hard to get half as much done, which is a recipe for burnout. 

Working in a helping profession. Nurses, social workers, therapists, paramedics, psychologists, caregivers and caseworkers have some of the highest burnout rates of any profession. These jobs often combine long hours and low pay with incredibly stressful work environments, and burnout is a huge problem. 

Burnout is more than just feeling tired or bored of what you do. It’s a state of complete and total exhaustion. Putting more energy into your job isn’t possible when you reach that point - you have nothing left to give. “Burnout” isn’t an official diagnosis, but it is a fitting description - trying to push through burnout is like trying to re-light a candle that has already burned all the way down to the bottom. It’s just not going to happen. 

Some signs that you’ve reached the point of burnout include:

Your performance is suffering. You can’t keep going full steam ahead when you’re running on fumes. When you’re burnt out, your work performance will one of the first things that starts to slip - you may find that you are missing deadlines, forgetting things, half-assing tasks and making careless mistakes.  

You constantly feel drained. Burnout is a perpetual state of exhaustion. You’ll start to feel like you just don’t have the energy to do everything that you’re supposed to do. You’ll find that you feel tired all the time, regardless of your sleeping habits, and that just forcing yourself to do the bare minimum leaves you feeling totally depleted and unable to do much else. 

You feel disconnected and cynical toward your work. Even if you once enjoyed your work or felt passionate about it, when you’re burnt out, you become disillusioned with what you do. You may find that you’re cynical about your work, or just so apathetic that you can’t bring yourself to care about it anymore, even when you accomplish things that once mattered to you. 

You can’t concentrate. Burnout can make it difficult - if not impossible - for even the most dedicated person to focus on their tasks. You might find that you spend a lot of time just sitting in front of your computer, unable to even start tasks because you can’t focus well enough to begin something. 

You have become irritable and short-tempered. People who are burnt out have a tendency to become impatient with the people around them. When you’re running on empty, you have no energy left for social interactions. You might find that you’re snapping at coworkers or getting visibly frustrated with clients if you work in a helping profession. 

You feel anxious. Burnout is often accompanied by feelings of indistinct dread that you just can’t seem to shake. The fear and anxiety is often tied to work, and can be completely overwhelming. 

You can’t sleep. Ironically, people with burnout often have a hard time sleeping. Their minds race all night, and they find that they cannot settle down or get comfortable enough to drift off. If you can sleep, you may find that you are only able to sleep in short bursts and cannot sleep through a full night. 

Your eating habits have changed. Some people experiencing burnout find that they lose their appetites. Others find that they begin to comfort themselves with food. Significant changes in appetite and food intake can signal a serious problem. 

You feel physically ill. Being under high amounts of stress for long periods of time can destroy your health - you might find that you have a lot of symptoms with no direct physical cause, like headaches, stomach pain, nausea and body aches. You might also find that you get sick more often and get more infections as the stress wears down your immune system. 

You feel like you have to drag yourself through the day. Even if you once enjoyed your job or your school, you might start to feel like even showing up is a huge chore, and dread having to go in. You might find that it takes all of your energy to even make it through the front door each day. 

The good news is that burnout is not a permanent state; there are things you can do to recover. However, recovering from burnout is not necessarily easy - this is not something you can quick-fix with a self-help book, and you may need to make significant lifestyle changes. Some things you can do to fix or prevent burnout include:

Set firm boundaries. If possible, stop taking work home. Stop signing up for extra shifts and overtime every time it’s available. Don’t volunteer to organize every single office party and baby shower. Stop answering work emails after 5pm. Don’t check your email on the weekends. Don’t respond to emails on vacation. Set firm boundaries between “work time” and “me time” - especially if you work from home, where it’s easier for work and life to bleed together. 

Use every minute of your paid time off. A lot of people just don’t use up all their PTO every year because they’re worried they’re letting the company down by taking vacation. Stop that. If you have vacation days, use them. Use your sick time too - if you don’t get sick that often, use them as mental health days. If you’re a student, ask professors for extensions when you’re sick - more and more professors are getting on board with cutting students some slack for life events. 

Unplug from productivity culture. Our culture has a pathological obsession with productivity, and it’s killing us. We consume books and blogs and podcasts about how to squeeze as much productivity out of ourselves as possible. It has to stop. Unsubscribe from this kind of content. You don’t need to put more pressure on yourself to optimize and monetize every second of your day - it’s not healthy. 

Seek support. Talk to a therapist, a doctor or a friend. Get professional help or just find people you can vent to. Try to form friendships with some of your coworkers or fellow students, especially if you work in the helping professions - they know better than anyone what you are going through. 

Prioritize your physical health. When you neglect your physical health, you are more likely to burn out - you run out of fuel faster when you have less in the tank to begin with. Prioritize eating healthy meals and getting all the nutrients you need. Make a habit of exercising. Practice good sleep hygiene and try to improve your sleep. 

Talk to your supervisor, advisor or boss. Are there things about your specific work or school environment that could be improved for you? Could you be transferred to a new team? Do your roles and responsibilities need to be clarified so you know exactly what is expected of you? Do you need additional training to do your job well? Are you dealing with harassment that could be reported to HR? See what can be fixed. 

Consider a change. Sometimes you just need a change of pace after a while. Many social workers, for instance, eventually leave the profession - a lot of people simply have a lifetime limit on how long they can do that kind of work before they need to switch to something that doesn’t involve human horror every day. If burnout is a consistent problem, it might be time to think about taking a leave of absence, changing to a different role, or switching careers altogether. 

Hope this answers your question! MM

[starleette]

Makeno/Akimax headcanons PT2

So I'm back with more headcanons, hope you all like it (plz don't be so hard on me, English is not my first language so if you see any mistakes please let me know😭🖐🏻)

This one is kinda long since I wrote some back story to support the headcanons, it's not accurate at all but let me dream🚶🏻‍♀️This time is from Max's point of view

Whenever people try to figure out who fell first, it comes as a surprise that Aki giggles and Max gets flustered all of the sudden. Max Wolfe, oh lord, he has been deeply in love with Akeno Menzies since they were little kids. Later did he understood that in fact, he liked Aki, no, that wasn't accurate at all, he loved Aki.

But as he grew older he realized Aki was just, so pure, he couldn't bear the thought of corrupting him with all his mess so when Audrey confessed him that she wanted to date Aki since he would look great by her side, Max just slip a dirty joke and let them be.

When he first slept with Audrey he was really hoping she felt guilty enough to confess what she did to Aki and then they would break up -he didn't even liked Audrey, he just wanted to fuck things up with her relationship- but when finally gave the situation some thought, he was already in bed with the pink haired boy and yes, Audrey. God, he wanted to end things quickly with her tonight so she would just get bored and go to read one of those annoying novels she was always talking about.

After the threesome, Max was so sure he didn't want to spend more time sharing Aki; he knew someone as kind and loving as Akeno wouldn't want to be tied with someone as Max. He ghosted Audrey when she texted him for another round of sex and he disappeared from Aki's sight soon after this. Max tried to go back to his old lifestyle- God knows he tried- but as soon someone tried to kiss him under the neon lights of some fancy club, he felt sick, Jesus, he felt as if he were cheating Aki. Max just went home that night.

He was sleeping (not really, he was thinking about a certain boy with dark lashes, ethereal brown eyes and bubblegum pink hair) when he heard someone knocking at his door, he wasn't in the mood for late night sex or drugs

-jesus, it's 4am, who the fuck knocks at 4am?- he groaned as he opened the door but he stopped middle sentence when he see Akeno right in front of him, this was the last straw, he didn't care about Audrey, he didn't care about their lovely relationship and he certainly did not give a fuck about what people might say when they find out Max has been in love with Aki all this time.

But Aki is the first one to confess his feelings without hesitation, that night he let Aki into his house and stay over (he could say something cheesy like he also let Aki get into his heart but he has been there for years, growing into all the lovely shades of pink Max could ever imagine)

A couple of weeks later they reveal to the group they are in fact, dating. It is not a revelation at all, Max has been asking Luna and Monet for the perfect way of saying "I love you" to a certain someone who loves romantic movies, is a huge fan of skateboarding and has a weird fascination with airports. It doesn't take a genius to know Aki fit the description perfectly, so when Monet casually says to Aki that his boyfriend is being a pain in the ass, he just blushes and tries to ask how she knows but he just tells her "He told me he is doing some investigation about something, usual Max stuff" he says softly as he smiles.

Two days later, Max takes Aki to the airport and tries to say the three words, eight letters thing but he is stumbling with his own words -Aki deserves the world, he deserves an award winning love confession-

Aki just looks at him confused and tries to hold his hand but Max just runs to the end of the corridor leaving Aki standing alone in the middle of the hallway, the passengers were looking at him pitifully imagining he got dumped, but then a song started playing from the speakers and Max appeared from the end of the corridor singing cheerfully.

"You're just too good to be true, can't take my eyes off of you" he sang loudly as he pointed his finger to Aki "You'd be like heaven to touch, I wanna hold you so much"

People in the background were recording the whole thing, being amazed by Max Wolfe singing in the middle of an airport. Aki knew this would be in every single newspaper, his dad will be asking him questions and subtly judging him,but for once Aki felt like he could breathe freely; he had nothing to be ashamed of.

As Max was singing, he came closer to Aki until they could hear each other heartbeat; people noticed it was a private moment between the two boys and let them standing alone in the middle of the hallway.

"I love you, baby" Max muttered while he caressed Aki's cheek "And if it's quite alright I need you, baby"

Aki smiled and Max stopped singing, looking at him full of love "I have never thought I was a romantic nor did I thought I would be singing in the middle of the airport" he said "But your shades of pink have coloured my heart and your name has filled my senses Akeno"

He held Aki's face with both of his hands "I'm deeply in love with Akeno Menzies"

[healingchildhoodtrauma]

“Gratitude is a thought-correction practice that gradually eroded the negative noticing of my toxic critic. Now, I refuse to let all-or-none thinking throw out the baby of daily niceties with the bathwater of normal disappointments.

Here is how I keep this practice fresh. I accept that I do not always feel gratitude while I am expressing it. As I argue in my first book, our feelings are rarely a matter of choice. But gratitude is more than a feeling.

Gratitude is also a health-inducing perspective that with enough practice grows into a belief. So while I may not feel grateful for my wife while we are struggling about something, I almost always know she is a blessing in my life. And although life can bring unpredictable difficulties, bounteous wonder usually tips the scale and makes me grateful to be alive.

Sometimes I have difficulty with the homily "Stop and smell the roses." In my old all-or-none days, I was bitter when their perfume did not rescue me from feeling bad. Nowadays though, I still love flowers even when they do not move me. And, I still dislike it when someone tries to fast-fix my pain by pointing them out.

On a larger scale this is true of gratitude and love in general. At times Monet's paintings, my favorite songs or even kindnesses from others do not impact me.

Yet, in a wider spiritual sense, I am always grateful for these gifts because I know from experience that sooner or later I will fully appreciate them again.

So, I accept the cyclical nature of feeling love and gratitude, knowing that I will repeatedly be moved by the bounty of the world. Color, flowers, nature, food, panoramas, music, movies, kindnesses, pets, and so on, will inevitably move me again even when they momentarily leave me cold.

Back in the late twentieth century, the practice of Be-Here-Now [based eponymously on Ram Das's book] was considered to be the height of wisdom in many spiritual circles. Invoking "Be Here Now!" was supposed to make you instantly return to feeling grateful and loving.

I soon came to hate this phrase however, because I hated myself for not being able to do it on command. Even worse, be-here-now was often callously shoved in the face of anyone who was having a hard time.

Once in a JFK group, a student sporting an ascended master persona told a woman distraught about the recent demise of her twenty year marriage: "If you weren't so attached to the past, you wouldn't be so upset. Try to Be Here Now!"

Over time, "be-here-now" morphed into "just be grateful!" which in turn acquired a flight-into-light subtext: "If you just get your mundane head out of your unspiritual ass, and flip the gratitude switch, your pain will instantly vanish."

Unfortunately I still regularly see this shaming corrective use of gratitude…especially in Marin County, the nesting place of the world's largest population of flight-into-lighters.

For my own use, I have ironically converted be-here-now from an elixir to a reminder: Be here now, Pete. Drop down into that pain and feel your way through it. Usually this soon restores me into authentically being here now.

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff is a more modern version of be-here-now. It's a great book title and idea by itself, but it's instantly ruined by the book's small print subtitle: And it's All Small Stuff. Hopefully at this point I don't need to explain the nonsense in that.”

- Pete Walker, M.A., MFT

What’s funny is I read those books when I was 14 - my “parents” refused to get me mental health treatment and I was desperate for any kind of help. I think some concepts were good but some definitely just added to the gaslighting and emotional suppression I was already so accustomed to from my “family”. I can see now how it was really the only way I knew how to survive being trapped in such overwhelmingly negative circumstances. Before learning about CPTSD, toxic positivity (suppressing any/all negative emotion), focusing solely on my own cognitive distortions (instead of what caused/enforced them), and spiritualizing “bad vibes” (that were actually my nervous system telling me someone wasn’t safe) kept me stuck and continually retraumatized in dysfunctional/abusive relationships for over a decade.

[leverage-ot3]

notable moments from The Nigerian Job

(PART ONE)

leverage 1.01

note: there are A LOT of scenes in this one, but they are all important in one way or another in terms of notability, character-building, etc

Dubenich: I’m sorry Mr. Ford, sorry, I know who you are I’ve, uh, excuse me. I’ve read all about you. I know for example that-that when you found that stolen Monet painting in Florence you probably saved your Insurance Company what 20-25 million dollars. Then there was that identity theft thing and you saved your insurance company I don’t even know how many millions of dollars but I just know that when you needed them… What happened to your family is the kind of thing--

Nate (slams glass down): You know that part of the conversation where I punch you in the neck nine or ten times? We’re coming up on that pretty quick.

- - - - -

Dubenich: I’m serious. Look, look at the people I’ve already hired. Do you recognize any of these names?

Nate (going through file): Uh, yeah, I’ve chased all of them at one time or anoth-- Parker? You have Parker?

Dubenich: Is there somebody better?

Nate: No, but Parker is insane.

Dubenich: Which is why I need you.

Nate (laughs): No. I’m not a thief. (closes file)

Dubenich: Thieves I got. What I need is one honest man to watch them.

- - - - -

Hardison: I’ve been doing this since high school, bro, I’m Captain Discipline.

[Flashback]

(New York City Hotel, Five Years Ago)

Manager: They came straight from the airport and up to their room.

Security: So you never actually saw any of them then.

Manager: No, but the credit card numbers checked out.

Security: Break it down!

(Doors open to reveal Hardison sitting on a couch drinking orange soda while three beautiful women dressed as Princess Leia fight with lightsabers)

Security: Does that look like Mick Jagger to you?

Hardison: This is not the room you’re looking for.

what a fucking GEEK oh my god

like, his flashback is so tame compared to the others???

like, his version of criminality is hanging out with cosplaying pretty girls and watching them fight with lightsabers, all under the guise of pretending to be mick jagger

- - - - -

Hardison (holding up an earpiece): It’s a bone-conduction earpiece mic, works off the vibrations in your jaw.

(Hardison tosses it to Eliot who holds it to his ear)

Hardison (whispering): You can hear everything.

Eliot: You’re not as useless as you look.

eliot being subtly impressed with hardison is my religion

- - - - -

Hardison: I don’t even know what you do.

[Flashback]

(3 Years Ago Eliot, wearing glasses and drinking from a mug of tea, enters a room full of men in Belgrade, Serbia)

Eliot: I’m here to collect the merchandise.

(Most of the men pull guns. Eliot takes a long sip of his drink. Outside, the windows flash with gunfire. Moans and the sound of a body falling fill the air. Inside, Eliot calmly takes another drink. One man sits at a table surrounded by bodies that litter the ground. He places a baseball card on the table. Eliot smiles)

am I the only one that wants to know the context of this???

- - - - -

(Parker drops down between Eliot and Hardison, hanging upside down from scaffolding)

Parker: Can I have one?

Hardison: You can have the whole box.

(Hardison holds the box of comms up for her. She takes one and pulls herself back up)

Eliot: What are you going to do when she finds out you live with your mom?

Hardison: Age of the geek, baby. We run the world.

Eliot: You keep telling yourself that.

(Parker puts the comm in her ear, smiling)

ot3 moments from day one baby

also eliot goes from ‘baby’ to ‘oh god, I’m baby’ in 0.0000005 seconds

- - - - -

[Flashback]

(19 Years Ago in Kansas City, a ten year old Parker stands in her living room watching her foster parents fight. The foster father turns to Parker, holding a stuffed bunny while the foster mother stands in the background, crying)

Bill: You thought I wouldn’t find this? You don’t get bunny until you do what I say. So be a good girl or, I don’t know, a better thief. (walks out of room)

Foster Mother: Bill!

(Parker walks outside and down the walk. Behind her, the house explodes. She hugs her bunny and smiles)

for the LONGEST time I thought she blew up the house with her foster parents until I saw that john rogers confirmed they weren’t home at the time

also this gives HEAVY insight as to how even the smallest part of Parker’s childhood was

abusive, emotionally manipulative, etc

- - - - -

(Parker adjusts her repelling gear, caressing it as if it were a lover)

Parker: Last time I used this rig, Paris, 2003

Nate: You talking about the Caravaggio? You stole that?

- - - - -

Eliot (examining earpiece): Is this thing safe?

Hardison: Yeah, it’s completely safe, it’s just, you know, you might experience nausea, weakness in your right side, stroke, strokiness.

Eliot (puts earpiece in): You’re precisely why I work alone.

shut up eliot you’re about to be so far gone for them it will be amazing

- - - - -

(Parker dives off the roof)

Parker: Yeehaaaa!!

(Eliot and Hardison run to the edge and watch her fall)

Eliot: That’s twenty pounds of crazy in a five pound bag.

what’s the opposite of foreshadowing? because I’m thinking about the long goodbye job and it’s reference to this (also the SIGNIFICANCE in that episode in how both hardison AND eliot repeat this line, finishing one another. because they both are on the same wavelength by that point, so in tune with one another and in constant awe of parker.)

- - - - -

parker just ??? drops the fucking glass ??? onto the sidewalk below ??? like ??? what if it hits someone ???

- - - - -

Nate: Okay, you got any chatter on their frequencies?

[Electrical Room]

Parker: No. Why?

[Unfinished Office]

(Nate checks records)

Nate: There’s eight listed on the duty roster, there’s only four at the guard post.

[Electrical Room]

Parker: I can’t even tell how many guys are in the room. How can you tell who’s who?

[Unfinished Office]

Nate: Haircuts Parker. Count the haircuts.

[Electrical Room]

Parker: I would have missed that.

[Unfinished Office]

Nate: What?

[Electrical Room]

Parker: Nothing.

mastermind father and daughter in episode ONE

- - - - -

we love to see eliot beat up four guys in the time it takes hardison’s bag to fall to the ground

- - - - -

Eliot (empties gun and smiles): That’s what I do.

(Hardison looks impressed. Behind him, the door clicks open. He and Eliot smile and enter the server room together)

the FLIRTING ENERGY in this scene

- - - - -

Eliot: Did you give them a virus?

Hardison: (chuckles) Dude, I gave them more than one virus.

hardison doesn’t half-ass, pass it on

- - - - -

Parker: Problem. Those guards you ganked?

[Electrical Room]

Parker (looking at monitor): They reset all the alarms on the roof and all the floors above us. We can’t go up.

[Hallway]

Eliot: Every man for himself then. (starts to move away)

Hardison: Go ahead I’m the one with the merchandise.

[Electrical Room]

Parker: Yeah, well I’m the one with an exit.

[Unfinished Office]

Nate: And I’m the one with a plan. Now I know you children don’t play well with others but I need you to hold it together for exactly seven more minutes. Now get to the elevator and head down. We’re going to the burn scam.

[Elevator]

(Eliot and Hardison enter an elevator and begin changing their clothes)

Hardison: Going to Plan B.

[Unfinished Office]

Nate (packing his things): Technically that would be Plan G.

[Elevator]

(elevator doors open and Parker runs in. She begins changing while the men look away)

Hardison: How many plans do we have? Is there like a Plan M?

[Unfinished Office]

Nate: Yeah, Hardison dies in Plan M.

[Elevator]

Eliot: I like Plan M.

there are SO MANY things about this scene I want to discuss but here are the top ones:

1- nate calling them out as children? amazing

2- eliot and hardison canonically changed in the elevator together BEFORE parker dropped in, but they weren’t necessarily looking away in a backs-turned way when she came in (when they were still getting finished getting dressed)

3- parker being completely nonchalant changing with two men in the elevator? she must not really care about being naked in front of other people (as seen later in what I think is the morning after job (?), for example)

4- the boys look away to be polite but there is definitely interest in BOTH of their faces

5- so this is what the burn scam entails

- - - - -

parker takes shotgun while the two boys are in the back. I need to see the scene of them awkwardly sitting together in the back. possibly bickering.

- - - - -

Nate: All right, all right. The money will be in all your accounts later today.

Hardison: Anybody else notice how hard we rocked last night?

Eliot: Yeah, well, one show only, no encores.

Parker: I already forgot your names.

Hardison: It was kind of cool, being on the same side.

Nate: No, we are not on the same side. I am not a thief.

Parker: You are now. Come on Nathan, tell the truth. Didn’t you have a little bit of fun playing the Black King instead of the White Knight, just this once?

(they all walk away in different directions)

smh you’re all 0.000005 seconds away from becoming a family

“no encores” my ass

+ I love how hardison is the FIRST one to (immediately) bring up how awesome they worked as a team

- - - - -

(Nate walks slowly down a toward a large room where voices are coming from)

Hardison (holding gun): You mind telling me what happened to the designs?

Eliot: What makes you think I know what happened? Stupid.

Hardison: Look, forget you man. You did it when we were coming down from the elevator.

Eliot: Yeah, that makes sense doesn’t it? You had the file every second.

Hardison: Hold up Kujo, I did my part, I transferred the files.

Eliot: You better get that gun out of my face...

Hardison: What did you do?

Eliot: …or else I’m gonna feed it to you.

Nate: Hey!

(the men turn, Hardison pointing the gun at Nate)

Eliot: Did you do it? You’re the only one that’s ever played both sides.

Nate: Yeah, you seem pretty relaxed for a guy with a gun pointed at him.

Eliot (looks at Hardison): Safety’s on.

Hardison: Like I’m gonna fall for that.

Nate: No, no, actually he’s right, the safety is on.

(Hardison looks at the gun and Nate grabs it)

Nate (to Eliot): You armed?

Eliot (shakes head): I don’t like guns.

(Eliot looks pointedly past Nate’s shoulder. Nate turns, pointing the gun at Parker who is holding a gun on him)

Parker: My money’s not in my account.

(She walks around Hardison, raising her gun as Nate lowers his)

Parker: That makes me cry inside in my special, angry place.

Nate: Okay, Parker. (slowly reaches out to lower Parker’s gun) Now did you come here to get paid?

Hardison: Hell no. Transfer of funds man. Global economy.

Eliot: It’s supposed to be a walk away. I’m never supposed to see you again.

eliot could have IMMEDIATELY taken the gun away but it made hardison feel safe so he was humoring him

and how easily nate took the gun away? interesting, for a former insurance agent

“you armed?” “no, I don’t like guns” eliot sweetie I love you

also parker’s entrance tho

- - - - -

Nate: Then the only reason you guys are here is because you didn’t get paid. And you’re pissed off. (laughs) As a matter of fact the only way to get us all in the same place at the same time is to tell us that we’re not. Getting. Paid.

(a look of realization goes through the group and they all start to run. Nate opens a garage door and directs them out. Hardison trips on the stairs and Eliot pulls him to his feet)

Nate: Come on, come on, get up. Let’s go, hustle. Go.

(the others exit and Nate looks back to see a ball of fire headed toward him)

eliot: I hate you all, I work alone, I don’t care about any of you

eliot 0.000005 seconds later: hauling hardison off the ground so he doesn’t die in an exploding building because ‘I guess he’s by boyfriend now’

- - - - -

Nate: Have we been processed?

(Eliot waves ink covered finger tips at him)

Eliot: They faxed our prints to the State Police.

[Hospital Room B]

Hardison: Yo, if the staties run us man, we’re screwed.

Parker: How long?

Hardison: Thirty, thirty-five minutes depending on the software

- - - - -

Nate: Parker! Get me a phone. What we’re going to do is, we’re going to get out of here together.

Eliot: This was a onetime deal.

Nate: Look guys, here’s your problem. You all know what you can do, I know what all you can do, so that gives me the edge, gives me the plan.

[Hospital Room B]

Parker: I don’t trust these guys.

[Hospital Room A]

Nate: Do you trust me?

Eliot: Of course. You’re an honest man.

Nate: Parker, Phone.

[Hospital Room B]

Parker: This is gonna suck.

(she sticks her fingers down her throat and bends over)

Hardison: Oh. Hell no

the amount of times eliot brings up that it was supposed to be a one-time thing is HILARIOUS considering just how fast he imprints on them lmfao

also how they all immediately trust him, I’m soft

- - - - -

(Parker nods compliantly. The doctor and nurse leave the room. Officer checks her handcuffs then leaves. Parker and Hardison hold up the phones they stole. After a quick glance, they switch phones. Parker holds up the keys she stole and tosses them to Hardison before standing up and talking to the vent into the next room)

domestic pardison

- - - - -

(Hardison leads Eliot to a police cruiser that Nate and Parker are already inside of. As Hardison guides Eliot into the backseat he hits Eliot head on the top of the door frame. Eliot turns and growls at Hardison)

Hardison: Walk it off. Walk… get inside. Get inside.

(Eliot gets in the car)

I love chaotic (pre)boyfriends

- - - - -

Eliot: I’m gonna beat Dubenich so bad that even the people who look like him are gonna bleed.

Parker: You won’t get within 100 yards. He knows your face. He knows all our faces.

Eliot: He tried to kill us.

Parker: More importantly he didn’t pay us.

Eliot: How is that more important?

Parker: I take that personally.

Eliot: There’s something wrong with you.

okay to be fair eliot at least is open to and listens to parker’s reasoning before concluding she’s crazy

- - - - -

Eliot: What’s in it for me?

Nate: Payback, and if it goes right a lot of money.

Parker: What’s in it for me?

Nate: A lot of money, and if it goes right, payback. Hardison?

Hardison: I was just gonna send a thousand porno magazines to his office, but, hell yeah man, let’s kick him up.

these characterizations are so on point

- - - - -

SOPHIE’S INTRO LMFAO

+ how everyone else is horrified but nate just looks entranced

- - - - -

[Flashback]

(In Paris seven years ago, Sophie is cutting a painting out of a frame with several empty frames nearby. The door burst open and Nate enters with a gun in hand)

Nate: Freeze.

(Sophie grabs her gun and shoots Nate in the shoulder. He responds by shooting her in the back. They both clench at their wounds)

Sophie: You wanker!

so are we, as a fandom, EVER going to talk about this scene ???

- - - - -

(so apparently there’s a 250 text block limit for posts on tumblr so I guess I have to make more than one post for this now. the following part will be reblogged on this post immediately after. reblog that version instead please lol)

[athingthatwantsvirginia]

Not Joyce or Monet

PART THIRTY-NINE OF THE DO YOU SEE HER FACE? SERIES

Pairing: Jess Mariano x Original Character (Ella Stevens)

Warnings: major discussions of parent death/death in general, smoking, drinking, plentiful pop culture references

Word Count: 6.3K

Summary: Jess publishes his second book and Ella receives a troubling call from Stars Hollow.

Flopping face-first down onto the bed, Ella breathed a sigh of relief. It would have felt strange not to have a little champagne at Jess’s book launch party. But, she was a lightweight. She was floating somewhere between tipsy, buzzed, and drunk. At least she was still capable of slipping off her shoes before making her way to the bedroom. She’d even managed to change into pajamas, brush her teeth, and wash her face. A far cry from the screwdriver incident at Liz’s baby shower. A heavy winter snow fell outside the windows and a touch of cold air seeped into the draughty apartment. Goosebumps rose lightly on her skin. In her state, they felt nice instead of uncomfortable. She was already dozing when Jess came in, having taken a quick shower. His hair was still damp as he climbed into bed next to her, the movement shaking her from her haze.

“Did you like your party?” she murmured, watching as he shut off the lamp and rolled over to face her.

His face was aglow with the bluish light of the snowy Saturday evening. “Mhm.”

She snickered a bit at his nonchalance. “I know you hate parties, but Chris insisted it was the best way to drum up business. And you do like surprises, Mr. Spontaneity. Matthew and I made it as lowkey as we could.”

“It wasn’t so bad, Eleanor. Really,” he said, shrugging. “You’re remembering that you whispered lines from Catch-22 in my ear all night, right?”

“I figured you’d need some Joseph Heller to make it through,” she explained, slightly sheepish.

Jess smiled. “Of course. And watching Chris and Leo get so drunk they do their acapella version of ‘Under Pressure’ could never be bad.”

“Leo does do a damn good Freddie Mercury,” Ella agreed, chuckling. “I didn’t realize the publishing agents would all go blackout level, too.”

“Oh, yeah. You should’ve seen what Chris did for the Subsect launch. It was like that scene where E.T. gets drunk. But if there were fifty aliens in the movie instead of just one,” Jess said flatly, begrudgingly.

“You must be a little drunk if you’re letting a cheesy eighties movie slip. Or have I finally converted you?” she teased, snuggling deeper into the pillow.

Jess smirked. “Not yet. Chris made me try his Manhattans to see if they ‘tasted too much like gasoline.’”

“I have a sneaking suspicion that they did,” Ella said.

“Someone give the lady a prize,” Jess shot back tiredly. “Good thing we walked there.”

“Yeah. And good thing I got to watch you catch a snowflake with your tongue on the way back.”

“Shut up.”

“Hey, don’t be embarrassed, cutie,” she said, forcing her laughter down. “I’ll be eating my words when you watch me fall on my ass while we’re ice-skating with April.”

She knew if he’d been entirely sober, he wouldn’t have gotten so caught up in his wonderment at the storm. But Ella had also seen him sticking out his tongue awaiting a snowflake in an old, yellowing photo album Liz had shown off during her baby shower. In it, Jess had been no more than three. Dressed in a raggedy winter jacket on some grimy corner of New York City. He and Liz were sticking their tongues out together. Seeing the photo had given Ella’s mouth a bittersweet taste. It was hard to imagine Jess ever feeling so relaxed around his mother. She saw the same rare awe from him on the walk home. Most of the time, he was so weighed down by the world he could barely come up for air. She thought she had never seen him look so young at heart before.

“Can’t wait,” Jess hummed, mocking. It was nearly time for April’s winter break, and Anna had somehow agreed to let her spend it with Luke, Lorelai, and Rory. Ella and Jess had opted to return to Stars Hollow for Christmas, after the bumps in the road on Thanksgiving. Two more days, and they’d be braving the icy roads on their way up to Connecticut. April had already called them to schedule a time for ice-skating. The proper, analytical way the little girl spoke never failed to amuse Ella.

“Me neither,” Ella quipped as her eyelids began to droop again. She could smell the minty scent of Jess’s shampoo.

As he watched her begin to drift off, he leaned in to press a kiss to her forehead. From what Matthew had said, Ella had essentially been put in charge of the party when Chris’s trademark irresponsibility made an appearance. Matthew had jury duty and couldn’t assume his usual role of organizer in the wake of Chris’s chaotic decision-making. What she’d managed to throw together, though, was one of the better parties Jess had ever been to. The publishers they knew usually sent younger employees to the underground press launches, and Chris had ended up making friends with most of the usual suspects at the launch for Jess’s first book. Ella had made sure the guest list only included familiar faces. If they just had to throw him a surprise party, which Chris demanded (normally, she wouldn’t have listened, but if it was a matter of getting his book better exposure, she was willing to risk it), she’d try to make it as comfortable for him as possible. Or, at the very least, bearable.

And she’d just gotten done with finals two days earlier. He could see how tired she was. Her nerves over the possibility of seeing her father during the winter holidays hadn’t helped her sleeping recently either. Though Jess wasn’t sure how it would actually pan out, she claimed she wanted an attempt at apologizing for what she’d said at Adam’s graduation. She was sick of family nonsense, she said. Maybe if she levelled the playing field, they could begin to understand each other again. Ella herself wasn’t sure exactly what had sparked her desire to try again with her family, but suspected it might have been Thanksgiving. Jess, simply put, was someone she admired. Seeing him trying to mend his relationships (even though he didn’t have to, even though it was difficult), made her feel just a little more confident. Maybe not everything turned out bad, after all.

Shutting his own eyes, Jess slipped his hand beneath Ella’s shirt, his fingertips ghosting over her back. She smiled softly at his touch, feather-light. A pleasant shiver rolled through her.

“Thank you for the party,” he said, barely above a whisper.

“Well, thanks for writing my new favorite book,” she answered instantly, sleepy and sincere. “I’m so fucking proud of you.”

.   .   .

There were still a couple hours left until lunchtime when Ella slipped through the door at Truncheon, but it wasn’t entirely uncommon for her to show up and work a little. Especially when she was on break from school and got antsy. Jess had debated giving her the easel he’d bought her for Christmas early, so she would have something new to focus on while he tied up the odds and ends at the book press. But, ultimately, he wanted to wait until the morning after they returned to Philadelphia. It would be far more surprising to wake up and find a Christmas present wrapped up in the living room on the morning of New Year’s Day than on the actual gift-giving holiday.

When he’d left for his last day of work prior to their trip to Connecticut, she’d still been half asleep. Her sketchbook was open on her bedside table, a pencil drawing of a child with hollow eyes having yet to be shaded. She’d been up late working on it the night before, on a roll. He hadn’t even shut the door to the apartment before she was out cold again. He’d been anxious to get back home, to pack and prepare for the trip. In his opinion, there was no use in only opening for a Monday and then closing for the holidays the rest of the week, but Matthew’s stickler spirit won out. Jess wasn’t going to be skipping around the store in merriment as the rest of the world took a vacation, but he also wasn’t moping around like Chris. He was in the midst of diffusing an argument between his two coworkers when Ella arrived.

He wanted to smile when he saw her, and almost did. But then he got a good look at her hazel eyes, and immediately he could tell something was wrong. It wasn’t that she was sleepy, though she looked a bit haggard in with her peacoat tied around her haphazardly and her hair wild, dotted with the snowflakes falling steadily outside. Instead, she looked almost unreachable. His Eleanor who was always so present and vivid and alive, even in the midst of drudgery. And she wasn’t daydreaming, either. She wasn’t off in her own thoughts, thinking of Emily Dickinson or James Joyce or Claude Monet. No; she was simply not there. Not really.

“Hey, honey. You’re early,” he began as she approached him, where he stood in between Matthew and Chris. The two of them didn’t even notice she’d come in until Jess addressed her, still too caught up in their argument over where to place the new books of free-form poetry.

Swallowing harshly, Ella gave a weak smile and raked her fingers through her hair. She walked up to them, wringing her hands together. Jess didn’t need to see her hands to know she had already bitten her nails down to the quick. At the interruption, Chris gave a frustrated huff and turned to Ella.

“Ella, please tell Matthew it makes zero sense to put the free-form poetry anywhere near the sonnets! They should be on opposite ends of the store, as far as I’m concerned,” he exclaimed in exasperation.

Matthew rolled his eyes, crossing his arms over his chest as his jaw clenched. “I’m glad you’re here, Ella. Please tell Chris that we don’t only sell poetry, and free-form or not, it has no business anywhere near science fiction!”

Furrowing her brows, distracted, Ella shook her head. “Um...I don’t know...but I….”

“What?” Jess asked as she gestured slightly with her hands. Her face was pale, and she almost seemed confused, at a loss for words. It didn’t happen to her often, to say the least.

Blowing out a breath, she tried again, jerking her thumb back over her shoulder. “Back at the apartment...I just got a call from my brother. My dad’s dead.”

Jess’s heart dropped into his stomach. “What?”

“Yeah,” Ella said, nodding. As she continued, she took a hair elastic from her wrist and began pulling her locks into a ponytail. “Adam said he was in a car accident this morning. Driving home from some bar in Maryland. If I had to guess, he was still a little drunk from last night. No one else got hurt, which is good. He hit a patch of black ice, and he was going too fast, and I guess he just went right off the road. Into a tree. And he wasn’t wearing his seatbelt.”

Her speech became more urgent with every word, as they heard it sink in for her in real time. But she was never frantic, only determined and stern. The spacey fog was fading from her demeanor, though it remained in her eyes. Only in her eyes. She didn’t give them time to respond, just kept thinking out loud.

“Noah’s already on a plane from Oregon, but I don’t think he’s gonna be any help. And Adam said Fiona’s freaking out, so I’m almost definitely going to have to make the arrangements. I know you guys have work and stuff, but we need to pack up and get there before the rest of the family does, or everything will probably just explode on principle. Fuck! This is just like him. To die a week before Christmas!”

“Whoa, hey, Eleanor, just slow down for a second, okay?” Jess began, taking a hesitant step towards her and grabbing her hand. He squeezed once, hard, hoping to calm her down at least a little.

“Jesus, Ella-” Chris began.

“I’m so sorry,” Matthew said.

Ella shook her head, her face stoic. “Don’t, okay? Don’t be sorry. No one needs to be sorry. He was a fucking drunk, and it finally caught up with him. I just need to get back to Stars Hollow to take care of this, and then maybe Christmas won’t be completely ruined. Sound good?”

“Elle, just hold on. You should sit down and-” Jess said, but she cut him off.

“No, Jess. Seriously, I’m fine. Let’s just go and get it over with, and then it’ll be done,” she said, her hand never leaving his though she didn’t squeeze back. Her tone was tight, clipped, but she didn’t sound angry. He recognized it from the night on the bridge when she’d told him about the days following her mother’s death. The way she held it all together, and blocked it all out. Numb and headstrong.

“Do you want us to come with?” Matthew asked, watching with uncertainty as Ella began to tug Jess towards the door, grabbing his bag for him and handing him his coat.

“What? Of course not,” Ella said, insistent, as though it were obvious. “All I need to do is steal Jess for a few days. You need to do whatever it is you’re gonna do with Mabel. And Chris needs to do whatever it is he’s gonna do with Leo, and you need to tell me about it when we get back. I can pretty much guarantee your stories will be more fun than mine.”

“Are you sure?” Chris chimed in, brow heavy with worry. Her iciness surprised him. He had never heard someone react to a parent’s death quite so flippantly before.

“Yes. Jesus, Chris, keep up,” she replied, in a way which would have spurred a playful argument on a normal day. Again, her nonchalance unnerved all three of them.

Jess interlocked their fingers again instantly once he had his bag and his coat, almost heading out the door already. She was moving too fast for him to process much of anything, only reacting. He hadn’t seen her in such a frenzy in a very long time. “Eleanor, wait. Stop.”

“I can’t stop, Jess. I told you, we’ve gotta get there before my uncle has time to hit on Fiona and before Noah has time to piss off Adam. It’s fine. I promise. I’m fine.”

He opened his mouth to respond, but she pulled him out the front door instead. As they went, she shouted over her shoulder to Matthew and Chris: “Happy holidays! Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do!”

And then, she and Jess were gone. Chris and Matthew exchanged concerned, flabbergasted glances.

.   .   .

Flashback was the word that came to the forefront of her mind, as she stared up at the ceiling in the Gilmore living room. Luke and Lorelai were trying, and she appreciated it. They could both tell she didn’t want to talk about it, only wanted a bit of normalcy after the long day. And they’d obliged. After all, they’d had practice. Lorelai knew exactly what to do. She’d had Luke bring dinner home from the diner: turkey sandwiches and sodas. She’d suggested they watch a movie after dinner, something campy horror. Finally, they had settled on The Lost Boys. Ella knew how much Jess hated the movie, especially Kiefer Sutherland’s mullet, but he never complained once. A large part of her wished he would. She wanted it to be the way it was supposed to be. She wanted to have Christmas in Stars Hollow with the people who felt more like her family than her father did. Adam celebrating with one of his school friends in Boston, Fiona with her sister, Noah with his finacée in Oregon. But, of course, things never went as planned. Not in Ella’s experience at least.

At some point during the movie, she’d fallen asleep on the couch. No matter how much she wanted to stay awake until the end, she couldn’t keep her eyes open. Dealing with Fiona’s blubbering and Adam’s silence and Noah’s anger had pretty well exhausted her. Not to mention the business setting up the funeral at the church. She’d spent nearly two hours with the pastor, but the service was only halfway planned. She wished Aunt Julie could arrive sooner, but the girls were in school until Tuesday. Erin had some big recital she was pitching a fit about missing. Ella couldn’t blame her. She wouldn’t want to be there if she didn’t have to be. No, they would arrive on Wednesday morning. Two hours before the funeral, set for noon. At some point before then, Ella would have to sort out the flower arrangements and the music and the programs. At least Luke was providing the food. She assumed he would before he even offered. And she would have to write the eulogy. But she wasn’t even thinking about it yet. Every time the idea of writing it entered her mind, she would start humming a Stevie Nicks song and pointedly ignore it.

It was all too familiar. The planning, the writing, the consoling. Since they’d arrived in Stars Hollow that afternoon, it had been a non stop barrage of tasks and tears. None of it was surprising. And it almost made her want to laugh. The minute she heard that her mother was dead, she had burst out laughing, a nervous reaction she couldn’t control. Granted, the laughter came from deep inside her, and probably resembled a pained shriek more than an actual giggle. But it was laughter nonetheless, and her father had recognized it as such. He’d yelled at her until his voice became hoarse. She knew it wouldn’t happen again. He was the dead one now, after all. But still, she didn’t let the anxious laughter escape. She didn’t let anything escape. After the punishment she’d received for letting go last time, she knew not to do it again. No one was there to smack her, to scream, but she just couldn’t bring herself to forget how it had felt. Like she couldn’t even grieve right. And the best way to grieve became to not grieve at all.

She laid with one hand on her stomach and the other behind her head, analyzing the popcorn ceiling. She’d awoken with the room dim and the TV shut off. A quilt which she hadn’t fallen asleep under was draped over her, and there were hushed whispers in the direction of the kitchen. She hadn’t planned to wake up until morning, but she hadn’t planned to fall asleep there either. They were supposed to be sleeping in the apartment above the diner for the vacation, while Rory and April took the spare beds in the Gilmore house. But neither girl had yet to arrive, and Lorelai insisted Ella and Jess stay over after dinner. It was no use driving over in the snow, even if Luke’s was only about a minute away. Ella couldn’t believe how similar it all was to before. Sleeping alone on the Gilmore couch as others worried over her a few feet away.

She listened, in spite of herself. It was too tempting not to eavesdrop when she’d already heard her name so many times. Luke was concerned about her forgetting to eat. Lorelai was concerned about her shutting everyone out and being overwhelmed by the funeral preparations. And both of them were concerned about her coming to blows with Fiona at some point in the next few days.

Sighing, Ella ran her tongue over her teeth and remembered she hadn’t brushed them. She debated not doing so, but decided to just bite the bullet. With everything else on her mind, she thought it best to eliminate all the outward elements which might impede her from getting back to sleep. She rolled over on her side, preparing to sit up, when she saw Jess. She thought he’d be in the kitchen, talking with Luke and Lorelai. Instead, he sat on the floor with his back against the sofa. His head was near hers, leaned back. His eyes were closed, but he wasn’t snoring. She doubted he was fully asleep, but nonetheless attempted to get past him and rummage through the bag on the armchair to find her toothbrush. Her stealth proved lacking, however, when he began to stir as soon as she reached the bag.

“Hey,” he said quietly, rubbing at his eyes with the heels of his hands and doing his best to seem lively. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” she replied, fishing her toothbrush out from the sea of clothes she’d thrown into the duffel before they sped away from the apartment in Philadelphia. “I just forgot to brush my teeth.”

“Oh,” he said, nodding and hoisting himself up. His neck was already sore from the position he’d dozed off in, unwilling to follow Luke and Lorelai into the kitchen with Ella asleep on the couch. “Me too. I’ll come with.”

She nodded back, grabbing his toothbrush as well. The whispers didn’t cease until they made their way into the kitchen, Luke and Lorelai looking up at their entrance. Ella debated using the upstairs bathroom, not disturbing the two of them. But she didn’t have the energy to climb the stairs, and it would be the first time she could get a good look at the new half-bathroom they added next to Rory’s room. The smell of the diner food lingered, and it made Ella’s chest feel just a touch less tight. Lorelai broke out into a small smile at the sight of the two of them.

“You need anything, sweetie?” she asked, speaking only to Ella.

Though she felt a bit uncomfortable under everyone’s gaze, Ella smiled back. There was a warmth in her stomach at Lorelai’s voice. She focused on that feeling, and only that feeling. “No, we’re fine. Just brushing our teeth. The dentist would be pissed at me if I broke the pattern after over twenty years.”

“That’s true. Always best to avoid the Sweeney Todd dentistry possibility,” Lorelai agreed, nodding. Then, she yawned theatrically and looked at Luke, who only rolled his eyes at the dramatics. “I think we’re gonna head upstairs. It’s past our bedtime.”

“Still got those four o’clock deliveries, huh?” Jess asked sullenly, eyeing Luke. Many a morning when he was a teenager, he’d been awoken at half past three by the sound of Luke’s alarm.

Luke sighed. “For the business that housed and fed you for two years? Yeah, I do.”

Ella snorted a laugh, and nudged Jess playfully in the ribs. “Like you’re not always up before the sun, even on Saturday.”

“Where do you think that started?” Jess shot back, pointing an accusatory finger at Luke. “He screwed with my internal clock for life!”

“I think that’s enough fuel for future therapy sessions for tonight,” Lorelai announced, rising from the table, Luke following.

“Agreed,” Luke grumbled.

As they exchanged goodnights, Lorelai gave Ella a kiss on the cheek. Immediately after, she scrunched up her nose and smudged the lipstick from Ella’s freckled skin with her thumb. To Ella’s shock, Lorelai also gave Jess a short hug before making for the stairs. Luke hugged Jess,  too. The two of them still had trouble showing physical affection for each other, as they probably always would. Ella had to stifle a laugh at the awkwardness between them.

When Luke hugged Ella, though, she felt tears prick at her eyes for the first time all day. She recognized his familiar smell, the soft feeling of his flannel, his strong arms around her. Somewhere in her mind, it occurred to her that the way it felt for Luke to hug her was what she had always wanted it to feel like when her own father hugged her. And she knew for sure she would never get it from him. She could finally be certain there was nothing left to do to repair her relationship with him. There was no time left for Jake to make her feel as safe as Luke made her feel. As he never had, even in her childhood. But by the time she and Luke broke apart, she had gathered herself enough. She cleared her throat and blinked away the glassy sheen in her eyes.

Luke ruffled her hair as he stepped back from her. If he saw that she was upset, he didn’t acknowledge it. “Don’t worry, kid. We’ll get everything figured out tomorrow.”

“I know, boss,” she replied.

.   .   .

The cigarette smoke made her a bit nauseous, but it was also comforting in a way she was slightly ashamed of. The winter air was crisp and biting, and her cheeks were frosted roses. Embers glowed orange in the darkness as she took a long drag, burning her lungs. She was already regretting it, but she simply felt too tired to think out the actual consequences of what she was doing. She had tried. She really had. But falling asleep, with Jess snoring softly beneath her as they lay on the couch, was absolutely impossible. Fatigue was weighing down her bones, and there was a perpetual ache throbbing behind her eyes. But each time she got close to sleep, the thought of her father would flash across her mind, and she would be wide awake once more.

Once she gave up, she had managed to sneak outside unnoticed. The wind whispered past her, hollow and haunting. But maybe everything was feeling spookier because death was at the forefront of her mind. Then again, when wasn’t it? Though the shock had certainly hit her with full force when she heard the news, she couldn’t bring herself to be surprised. The other shoe had dropped. She knew it would, just when she let her guard down. The moment she forgot to worry, the universe had knocked her down again. She flicked her cigarette and watched the excess ash melt a small spot in the snow below the steps.

At the sound of the front door creaking open, she startled only a little. For a wild moment, she wanted to put her cigarette out and hide it behind her back, pretending to be innocent. Especially if it was Luke. But she had to remember she was a grown up. And the feeling disappeared entirely when she saw only a disheveled Jess wrapping himself up in his jacket as he came out onto the porch and sat down next to her.

“You’re gonna catch a cold out here,” he remarked, holding her peacoat out to her.

She took it with a trembling hand.

“Thank you,” she said solemnly, breathing out a long stream of smoke as she spoke. The coat was old and cheap, and did little to help a Connecticut winter, but she shrugged it on anyway.

He nodded, chewing on his bottom lip. “Don’t mention it.”

They sat in silence, an owl hooting somewhere in the trees beyond the house. Ella didn’t put the cigarette out until it got so small it began to burn her fingers. After she’d discarded it, her breath still puffed out, along with Jess’s, in frigid white clouds. Flurries of snow fell in scattered sprays, but the night was mostly quiet and overcast. Jess crossed his arms over his chest, waiting.

She spoke, as he knew she eventually would, after a few more minutes. Gesturing down to the crushed cigarette, her tired eyes met his. “Do you want one?”

“No, thanks,” he said, shaking his head. “Where’d you get those in the middle of the night in Stars Hollow, anyway?”

A thin smirk ghosted over her lips. “Snatched ‘em off Bootsy’s newsstand.”

“Really?” he asked, laughing slightly, with eyebrows raised.

She snorted and rolled her eyes. “Don’t act so surprised, Mariano. I was sneaking out of my bedroom window long before you got here.”

“Touché.” His eyes lingered on her, hair glistening golden in the soft light and eyes still far off somewhere miles away. He hesitated before he continued. “Did you walk all the way to Bootsy’s without a coat?”

She shrugged, glancing down at the Doc Martens on her feet. “I’m fine. I had my good shoes on. Besides, it’s only like a minute away.”

“Alright.”

“Seriously, Jess. I’m fine,” she snapped after a moment.

“Okay. I get it,” he said instantly. “You’re fine. You’re not cold.”

Ella ran her hands through her hair. Her body shook as she yawned.

“You wanna go back to bed?” he asked.

“No,” she said with a heavy sigh.

“Are you sure?”

“Jesus, Jess! Stop trying to take care of me! Stop asking me questions! Just let me fucking sit here!” Ella exclaimed, huffing in frustration.

Jess recoiled slightly, and he nodded at her again. He ran a hand over his mouth and swallowed down the million other questions which were rising in his throat. The ones she’d refused to ask on the drive up, and the ones she apparently still wanted to avoid. “Sorry.”

She rolled her eyes, mostly at herself. “No, I’m...I’m sorry. I’m just tired. I couldn’t fall asleep.”

“We don’t have to sleep if you don’t want to. We could watch one of Lorelai’s cassettes in there,” Jess suggested, fighting hard to keep his tone light, bracing for whatever reaction she was going to have.

“I love that she still has cassettes,” Ella said wistfully, though not smiling. Her voice was low and raspy as she stared out ahead of her into the darkness and the lightly falling snow.

He nodded a little. “I know you do.”

Ella’s hands were itching to hold another cigarette, but she fought the urge. The pack which sat on the porch steps next to her would almost certainly be crumpled up and thrown in the trash the moment she reentered the house. Along with the lighter. But it was nice to have them there. If she wanted. They sat wordlessly, listening to the rustle of the wind in the evergreen trees. Jess didn’t make a sound. He was just far away enough not to touch her, almost in silent askance of whether she wanted space. She did. And she didn’t want to talk. She didn’t want to talk almost as much as she didn’t want to write the eulogy. She wanted to be able to push down the sorrow and the rage until they just dissolved and she was as happy as she had been just a day earlier. Yesterday, she may have even been hopeful. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt hopeful about her family. But, now, she had to stop herself from reaching for a cigarette yet again. And she felt herself wanting a drink. A drink stronger than champagne at a book launch. And then the words started flowing before she could overthink them, before she could lock them away in her heart forever.

She swallowed thickly, looking down into her lap at her nail-bitten hands. “This is just like it was the last time.”

“Oh yeah?” he whispered, shifting a bit closer to her.

“Yeah,” she echoed, so quiet he almost couldn’t hear. She sniffed. “I mean, last time my dad was the devastated one instead of Fiona. But Adam still got pissed at Noah, and Noah only got more pissed because Adam was mad at him.”

Noah had only made it to town an hour before Ella left to go back to the Gilmore residence for the night, but he and Adam were at each other’s throats pretty much as soon as they saw each other. Upset that his Christmas vacation was being disrupted, Noah had insisted on staying at a motel instead of at the little blue house in which they had grown up. Adam wasn’t happy about it, accusing Noah of acting as though he was too good for them. In turn, Noah asked Adam why he wasn’t mad at Ella for staying with Lorelai. Adam had shot back immediately, saying Noah had abandoned the entire family the minute he could, while Ella stayed behind. At that point, Ella knew there was no way to diffuse the situation. She’d only offered to walk back with Noah to the motel, leaving Adam to sleep in his old room. Luckily, Fiona’s sister was already in town for the holiday. So, it didn’t wholly fall to any of the three of them to console her.

Jess and Luke had both offered to go over to the house with her after helping with the arrangements, but she’d insisted on meeting her brothers there alone. The surreality of the moment didn’t dawn on her until she saw Adam’s teary eyes and Noah’s flushed face. It was like she had stepped into the past. She’d come back to the Gilmore house to find Jess sitting in the living room, halfway through the Russian novel he’d brought with. In the face of his questions, she’d only given him the liner notes and then fallen mostly silent for the rest of the evening.

“And Lorelai and Luke won’t let me brush my teeth without asking me if I need anything,” Ella continued, with a scoff in her words. “And, I love them. I do. And I’m so fucking grateful that it hurts. But, I’m fine. I’m totally fucking fine.”

“So I’ve heard,” he quipped.

“You’re hilarious.”

“I’ve heard that, too,” he said.

She laughed breathily, lifting her head to look up at the sky. “Shut up.”

“Will do.”

Then, after a moment: “I just wish...I wish it wasn’t like this. I mean, he was a shitty dad. But he was still my dad.”

He watched as she chose her words, carefully. Her voice had more emotion than he’d heard all day. Bringing his arm around her shoulders, he hoped to lessen the trembling of her hands just a little. She leaned into him, letting herself feel his warmth but fighting the wateriness in her voice. Of all the things she didn’t want to do, crying was at the top of the list.

“And now...I don’t have parents. I don’t even have a dad who hates me and never calls,” she continued.

“He didn’t hate you,” Jess interjected.

She shook her head. “Yeah, he did, Jess. He fucking hated me. Because I looked like my mom and I didn’t like Fiona and I wouldn’t quit talking back at the dinner table. But it doesn’t bother me. I hated him most of the time, too.”

He hummed in response, listening.

Her face crumpled for only a moment. But, again, she regained her composure. A couple silent tears threatened to slip over. “But at least I had someone to hate, y’know? Now, it’s just...no one.”

She took in a shaky breath, and Jess began to rub circles over her back. He recognized that her shivering was no longer due to the cold but from the sobs she wouldn’t let loose. Ella’s stomach did a flip, as she clenched her hands into fists. But she just couldn’t hold it in any longer. She let a single wimper pass her lips. And then, the levee broke. She put her head in her hands and finally began to weep, cries from deep within her escaping at last.

“I just...I don’t have p-parents anymore,” she spoke through sobs, trying to get her voice under control but failing miserably. “I’m not anyone’s daughter anymore. I don’t belong to anyone anymore.”

Jess shut his eyes for a moment, feeling a crack in his heart as he heard her anguish. But a part of him was relieved she was finally letting it out. He knew not all of her tears were for her father, but for her mother as well. He’d never seen her cry so hard before, so hard she couldn’t catch her breath and she was beginning to feel sick to her stomach. She stopped being able to talk after a while, only crying, folding in on herself.

“I...I don’t...belong to anyone anymore,” she repeated.

Gnawing on his bottom lip again, Jess smoothed an affectionate hand over her hair. He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head. Though he couldn’t see her face, Ella felt her cheeks heat up at his seeing her sob so openly. Jess spoke in a clear, strong tone.

“Listen, Eleanor, I know it feels like you’re alone without them, but that’s not true, okay?” he said.

She let out a tearful scoff.

“Hey, hey, hey, I’m serious,” Jess continued, placing a hand on her damp cheek and turning her face gently so she would look at him.

She wanted to avoid his eyes, embarrassed, but simply couldn’t bring herself to look anywhere else. The sight of him almost made her physically relax.

An earnest crease stood out between his eyebrows when he spoke again. “You belong to me, and I belong to you. That’s how it’s always been, hasn’t it?”

She stared at him for a moment, stunned at his words, as tears kept rolling steadily down her cheeks. But then, her lip began to quiver and she closed her eyes. Jess was worried she was about to get angry again. But instead, she slumped weakly against him. He could feel her tears begin to wet the neckline of his t-shirt as she rested her head on his chest. Breathing out long and slow, Jess wrapped his arms around her. He didn’t know whether his words had helped, but he was doubtful. No amount of talking was going to make her feel any better. He couldn’t crack a joke or start a playful argument or do a magic trick. He could only be there. He simply sat and held her against the wind.

[siren-queen-imagines]

Fluff Alphabet: Justin Foley

Our precious Justin....I needed to do a fluff alphabet for him because...just because. I hope I caught him alright here!! Enjoy!!

Masterlist

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about you?): Your eyes...your beautiful eyes. He can read your eyes like a book...he knows every expression and their meanings and regardless of what you say, he loves and appreciates that your eyes tell him what you mean. If the guys were to ask him, it’s them legs. Them long, sexy ass legs.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why/Why not?): It’s something Justin has thought about. He currently unsure and it’s not like that’s a bad thing. He knows he still has his whole life ahead of him. Should he choose not to have a baby, it would be almost for the same reasons he would; for example, he would be the father that he never really had...on the flip side, he doesn’t know if he could be a father because he didn’t have one. Maybe being with the Jensens, he would learn what a father was. On top of that, he isn’t so sure he would want to bring a kid into his world knowing he has a drug problem whether he’s sober or not but on the flip side, he would know the signs and ways to deal with an addiction should it ever happen to his child. 

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?): Justin Foley is a cuddler through and through. He’s had a rough go at life and he’s not used to receiving affection...it’s been a rough life. So when he can, he’ll always be wanting to cuddle you. He likes to trade off on the spooning because when he’s the big spoon, it’s his way of showing you he feels loved and when he’s the little spoon, it makes him feel safe with you. Any chance he gets, he takes to cuddle you.

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?): Now that Justin is working at Monet’s, he likes to take you out. Your nights are dinner and movies...but he also likes to take you places where it can just be the two of you so you guys can talk in private about anything and everything. One time, he took you to dinner and then stargazing. He likes being in quiet places after spending so much of his time in the loudness of the rest of the world.

E = Everything (You are my ____ (e.g. my life, my world…)): My heart. When Justin loves, he loves so deeply and whether he shows it or not, he puts his whole heart into your relationship. It’s caused him plenty of hurt in the past but you have been the first person he feels he can truly trust with his heart so he gave it to you to keep safe.

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?): Earlier in the day, Justin had gotten into another fight with his former friends. He had a pretty good busted lip. You were so concentrated on getting the cut cleaned and doing your best not to hurt him...the loving and caring look in your eyes as you looked back at him when you were done...he knew he loved you. He even told you at that very moment.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?): As gentle as he can be. Justin’s life has been rough in every which way whether it was his home life or sports or even fights. It’s what he’s used to so he tries really hard to be gentle in every single way possible with you. He doesn’t want that roughness of his life or past to touch you or affect you in any way. 

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?): Justin always reaches out for your hand when you guys are together. He’ll lace his fingers together with yours and if you guys are just standing and talking to your friends, he’ll kiss the back of your hand before letting it rest at your sides. 

I = Impression (What was their first impression?): When he first saw you, he truly believed you were the most beautiful girl he has ever seen. Justin Foley is not one to be nervous when talking to a girl but he was. It took him 2 days to hype himself up enough to carry a conversation with you in English class. He was not disappointed to find out how funny and kind you were.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous?): Justin tries to reign in his jealousy but it doesn’t always work. He doesn’t like seeing other guys flirting with you at all. He doesn’t mind guys talking to you but if he gets a whiff of flirt on, he doesn’t stand for it. He’ll be subtle in the beginning by either holding your hand (if he wasn’t already) or putting his arm around you, suddenly interested in the conversation. He knows you would never stray but he doesn’t like guys trying to win over a girl who’s already in a relationship...he feels disrespected.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?): Your first kiss with Justin...god, thinking back on it always made you smile. It was on your first date and he took you to the docks to watch the sunset before you guys went for a walk and ended up at a playground. You two had a competition on who can swing the highest on the swing set and he sadly won. When you both came to a stop, there was a moment where you smiled at each other, the laughter slightly dying down before he leaned in. When your lips touched, you swore fireworks were going off in your mind. It was gentle but passionate. You had never had that reaction to a kiss before. Definitely the best first kiss of you life.

L = Love (Who says ‘I love you’ first?): You were the first to say I love you. It was maybe a few weeks before he said it but you just had to tell him. It was when he walked you home after a date and you ended up saying it. Of course, when he was quiet for a moment, you felt a little self-conscious and felt like you messed up. But Justin needed that moment to soak it all in. It made him feel happy even though he wasn’t ready to say it back. He told you he was happy you said it because he never wants you to hide your true feelings for him and that he wasn’t ready just yet. But he knows he will be. 

M = Memory (What’s their favorite memory together?): The memory that tends to come up the most in his mind when he thinks of you was one night after one of his football games, you two ended up at one of Bryce’s parties. He knew you would go for him but you truly weren’t much of a partier. So he decided that night for you two to leave early. Your parents were out of town so he took you home where you made the decision to cook for him. He just loved hanging out with you, watching you move around the kitchen with ease and even teaching him a thing or two. He just loved how you made him feel: truly happy. It seemed like a slice of normal he sometimes so desperately craved with the chaos that seems to find him. 

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?): Until he started working, Justin didn’t really have much in the ways of money. He wished he did because he would by you everything including the world if you asked for it. But he didn’t so he couldn’t spoil you the way he wanted. Instead he would find ways to show you he cared about you in action. Even after he started work at Monet’s he would try to keep it up. Granted, he buys you gifts for your birthday and what not but you have always loved and appreciated whatever he did for you.

O = Orange (What color reminds them of their other half?): It may seem odd but the school colors of Liberty High. He would find himself lending you his sweaters or letterman jacket and so whenever he sees the colors, he always pictures you in them.

P = Pet names (What pet names do they use?): His nicknames tend to be complimenting so he’ll call you things like beautiful or angel. In a way, it’s just his way of reminding you that he loves you.

Q = Quaint (What is their favorite non-modern thing?): It’s not like Justin announces this but there have been plenty of examples of your relationship where when he wanted to take pictures, he would use a disposable camera. You remember asking once why he didn’t use his phone and he told you it was because he liked having physical pictures of you two that he can keep. “Phones can break down and if you don’t save to the cloud, you lose it all.” 

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?): Rainy days tend to come with the feeling of peace and tiredness so he loves to nap. So there were plenty of rainy days he’d come over to your place to curl up in bed and take a nap with you.

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?): Justin used to have a very unhealthy way of cheering himself up because it involved alcohol and drugs...he tries to combat all of that by finding ways to keep himself busy. If you aren’t around, he’ll go to see a friend or play a video game...anything to keep his mind busy. He likes to cheer others up by trying to do little things to make them smile. He’ll try making things like normal so he’ll tease playfully or he’ll crack a joke in a silly voice.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?): Usually no topic is off limits with Justin. He tends to talk about anything and everything. Granted he’ll have some things to keep to himself until he’s ready but your guys tend to talk more about what your days and school and even your futures. Recently, he wanted to see what you’ve been watching on Netflix so he could have more stuff to watch.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?): Justin likes to take long hot showers to help him relax. He’s very active so he finds that to help him relax. He also likes to play videos games otherwise he’ll go over to your house and cuddle with you. He likes to play with your hair too.

V = Vaunt (What do they like to show off? What are they proud of?): This may sound weird but he likes to show you off. He’s proud that he managed to get you to fall in love with him and he’ll do anything to keep you. When it’s just you, he’s always proud to mention that he was adopted by the Jensens. He’s happy that this great family was willing to take a chance on him.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?): Justin was always the type that knew there may never be a perfect time to propose. You guys were in high school so something was bound to happen whenever he planned something big. So he decided to be spontaneous. He would carry a ring with him anywhere when he felt that the time was right then and there. He always knew he would have this mental speech prepared to tell you how much you mean to him and how you changed his life for the better before asking you those 4 beautiful words.

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?): In your mind, you tend to associate Christina Perri’s song, “Human” when you think of songs about Justin Foley. He’s not perfect and he has dealt with a lot but he’s always trying his best to get through it all. The song speaks of experiences of dealing with a lot and hiding it all, which you’ve seen Justin do a lot. When it comes to your relationship, you remember your first dance together and Justin told you that it would be your song: “Faithfully” by Journey. But when it’s just him jamming out in the car or wherever, it’s “Everyday” by Logic and Marshmello.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?): Definitely. Justin knows he’ll marry you one day and always thinks of ways to ask you. He may be unsure about having kids but he’s sure that he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. You made him believe, after so long, that he is deserving of someone who loved him. So he can only hope you’ll be the only one to love him.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?): Justin would definitely get himself a dog. He’s an animal lover so whatever dog he would get would be treated with so much love and cuddles which is why you’re sure he’ll find himself a smaller dog.

[imalwaysaslutfordrag]

#66 and, because i need to force my love for her onto everyone, either vanessa x monique or monet x monique pls 👀💖

VANIQUE???!!!!???!?!? (sp?) Okay, I’m in love with them and your mind, wow, what a great ship. TBH this lowkey really spiraled out of control and this drabble is actually 1.5k words so I’m sorry about that, but also I couldn’t stop myself so like... there’s that.

“Go big or go home.”

Vanessa arrived exactly twenty minutes before she was scheduled to clock in. 

She threw her purse into the row of lockers and headed for the back of the small employee lounge. She passed the clock-in computer, the whiteboard on the wall, the flyers for various shows around town, and walked all the way to the last dressing room, after noticing the other two were already occupied. Vanessa smiled instinctively at the sound of Violet’s voice raised above the sound of someone else playing music. She was yelling to whoever was in the adjacent dressing room, recounting a story of the night’s events.

Vanessa got dressed quickly, slipping out of her plain black jean and sweater combination and into her sparkly silver dress that caught and reflected beams of light in a way that she had been told was mesmerizing. Vanessa never really noticed before she started working here, the dress most likely having been picked off a sales rack back home. It didn’t matter where it came from now. 

What mattered now was that Vanessa's hair was a mess.

Aquaria told her so and tried to sound exasperated when she did. It only ended up coming out fond. Vanessa gave her a winning smile and batted her lashes too for good measure before the younger girl rolled her eyes and motioned to the chair beside her. Aquaria went to town on curling the particularly unruly strands, but there wasn’t time for much else, as they both knew another round of patrons was due to hit any minute now.

Everyone that worked in Vegas knew the waves.

11pm was the moms and the bachelorette parties.

11:30 is older couples and divorcees. 

12am brought the guys with girlfriends.

12:30am brought the guys without girlfriends.

1am was the wealthy singles, and the wealthy not so singles.

1:30 brought in the hammered people.

2am was what girls like Vanessa liked to call ‘closing time.’ Seal the deal or your ass is out on the curb for the night.

Luckily, Vanessa had an apartment, unlike some of the other casino girls. And the 300 square feet could be roomy - if she closed her eyes. 

Vanessa made do.

Aquaria shooed her away from the chair at around 12:55, giving Vanessa ample time to squeeze every last detail from Violet, who was more than happy to recount yet another story about a creepy man trying to get her to join his brothel. 

Offers like that were strangely common in this line of work. Well, maybe they weren’t so strange. 

Most people thought they were sex workers anyway. Prostitutes or strippers, whores hired to seduce the male patrons and run them dry. Some of the other girls saw it that way. As far as Vanessa was concerned, she was a glorified waitress. Her job was to facilitate the purchase of alcohol. The more people drank, the prettier she looked, the more they bet, the more they lost or won, the more money the casinos made. 

In a lot of ways, it was a dream job. Vanessa got paid to look pretty and talk. Two things she was naturally gifted at. 

Out on the main floor of the casino, Vanessa began her usual route around the floor. She spent a good few minutes just drawing eyes, pulling focus from the card games and slot machines, and general greed. She walked slowly, careful to tilt her head down, flutter her eyelashes when patrons were close enough to see the pretty eye makeup she had hurriedly done on the bus. 

Vanessa was good at her job. She found a mark within five minutes. 

Older guy. Late fifties. Nicely dressed. Seemingly ordinary. But what Vanessa instantly noticed was his watch. Rolex, one of the older ones. That’s ultimately how Vanessa picked all her marks. Her daddy used to say ‘what a man wears on his wrist he wears with pride.’ There was something more about shoes and hiding, but Vanessa never remembered that part. 

She was fine with the Rolex, but she had really been hoping to find a Patek tonight. 

Rolex’s only started at $5,000 but Vanessa made do. 

She waltzed over to the roulette wheel, making sure to smile warmly at the employee behind the table. She gracefully rested her hands on the edge of the table as the casino employee gave a nearly imperceptible nod toward Mr. Rolex. Vanessa winked at him in thanks.

“You know I always go for 32,” Vanessa said to the group of men who had just started to take notice of her presence. She honed her sights on Mr. Rolex to see his reaction. 

He practically preened under the attention. Vanessa rolled her eyes internally.

This was getting too easy.

Mr. Rolex eventually pulled up another seat and sent Vanessa to the bar three times before turning to ask her name.

If she were anywhere else, doing any other job, Vanessa might have been offended.

She only batted her eyes and giggled animatedly. “Vanjie,” She lied.

Mr. Rolex took that as his cue to lean in closer and press a whiskery kiss to Vanessa’s neck. She did her best not to freeze up under the attention and to just go with it.

It was then, while pretending she was anywhere else, that Vanessa noticed a woman at the opposite end of the casino. She was sitting alone in one of the plush chairs that made up the lounge. It was noticeable because she was alone and fucking gorgeous. Long flowing dark hair and the tightest red dress Vanessa had ever seen that fell off her curves like water. 

Vanessa was intrigued instantly. No woman that looked like that was alone in Vegas for no reason.

She convinced Mr. Rolex and his new buddies that they needed more gin and made her way quickly over to the bar, allowing herself the immense pleasure of ogling the strange woman from afar.

For all her smooth grace and easy confidence, Vanessa was rendered nearly incoherent when it came to women. Men were easy. You leaned over the table and their monkey brains took over. Women on the other hand... women were a different species.

Vanessa tried to squeeze information from the bartender. He knew nothing, only that she ordered a martini and had been sitting alone all night.

Vanessa couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something more to her. So she did something stupid. Something stupid and silly and she would beat herself up about it later, but she ordered the mystery woman a martini. Vanessa went back over to Mr. Rolex and his friends, placed the drinks in front of them, and then made up an excuse about ‘being right back’ and having to ‘take care of something.’

Mr. Rolex and his friends were too engrossed in their game to care and Vanessa slipped away without any fuss.

As she headed back over to the bar, Vanessa noticed the woman was gone from her spot in the lounge. Vanessa’s heart sank in her chest and she was tempted to throw the whole night out as a waste when she noticed the woman perched at the bar looking directly at her. 

“So you’re the cute thing that ordered me a drink,” The woman said by way of a greeting. “This one,” she nodded her head at the bartender, “was tellin me you don’t do that for many people. Should I be honored?”

“You tell me,” Vanessa shot back, surprising even herself with her quick wit.

The woman chuckled in response, throwing her head back and causing a commotion with her joy. Something inside Vanessa ached to be that free. 

The woman motioned to the barstool next to her and Vanessa took it without another thought.

“You play much?” Vanessa asked, motioning to the various gambling methods. 

“Betting?” The woman asked. “Not usually. I get sucked in, and you know what they say.”

“Hmm?”

“Greed is a sin.”

Vanessa laughed. “Oh baby, you in the city of sin.”

“Monique,” The woman corrected.

“What?”

“Not baby, Monique.”

Vanessa smiled, and the woman, Monique, smiled back. 

She raised up her hand to take a sip of her drink and Vanessa nearly choked at the sight of a Mille RM 51-02 draped elegantly over Monique’s wrist. 

She had never seen a Mille in person before, having only ever heard stories of the watches that started at $30,000 dollars and could go up to 2 million. 

The vortex of gold and silver embedded in the watch face drew Vanessa’s eyes and she couldn’t help the smile overtaking her face. “Well, you know what they say, Monique?” 

The corner of Monique’s mouth quirked up and she shook her head no. 

Vanessa smirked. “Go big or go home.”

[ellie-sande]

a deanoru analysis from someone that cannot stop thinking about their dumb-asses🥺🥺🥺😩😩

i was meaning to write this when the season came out.... but finals happened so we at it now. right, so at this point, we all know that i love me an interesting queer dynamic (euphoria and cazzie analyses here) and deanoru is by far both the simplest but somehow most intriguing one to dissect.

here’s the fuck whyyyy :)

nico: i feel like nico’s the only character in which clothing and makeup plays an important role in analysis, mostly because she’s a goth kaweeen. i think that nico’s wardrobe (predominantly black with the occasional white article of clothing).... the TASTE of it ALLL. nico usually wears black, so the times in which she’s wearing white are hella significant. i think it’s important that the first time that nico and karolina have a legit convo post-break-up in season 2 occurs when both of them, more importantly, nico, is wearing white. that’s the first time in EPISODES that home bitch is being honest about her fear of herself, the weight that being the leader puts on her, her emotional state, and her absolute REVERANCE for our bby karolina. 

it’s the first time her guard is down completely since before jonah.

and that’s a theme for her wearing white in general. she wears black with white accents in 3x01 in which she’s devastated about the possibility of losing karolina but optimistic in her and her team’s ability to get her back. she wears a white and black outfit when the team searches for alex in 3x08, where she and karolina start to heal as a couple, confess their love for each other, stand by each other. it’s also the ep in which we see nico’s greatest hope. that wedding made me fucking tear up🥺🥺🥺. i think, overall, nico is the most human of all of the runaways because she represents this duality that’s present in a lot of people: she’s an amazing and supportive friend and leader, but uses isolation as her self destructive coping mechanism. she’s passionate and fueled by love, but also extremely broken and scared which leads her to sometimes succumb to the darkness within her. she’s caring, kind, and warm in her own way, even if she tries and fails to put up a hard facade. she’s complex, and that’s what makes her so compelling. 

....also, she protective, but she a smol bean uwu*

karolina: ooooohhh bitch, home girl is soooo much more flawed than people give her credit for. i think people have a tendancy to assume that karolina’s this unproblematic bean that’s perfect, buuuuuuttt... sis. she is sooo much the product of her upbringing, it’s fucking insane. to get the obvious stuff out of the way she’s: nieve, trusting to a fault, overly optimistic, extremely family-oriented (even tho that’s bitten her in the ass a lot), she has this need to be a peacekeeper, to be there for everyone, she has a fear of being alone, has the ability to not be honest, can be pretty selfish sometimes. it’s especially obvious in the scene in season 2 where she confesses she’s been seeing her parents. her first reaction after assuming that nico was okay was that everything was okay and they could go back to how they were, but that’s obviously not the case. in a lot of ways, she betrayed her friends, especially nico (she’s such a fucking puppy, jeSUS). but the interesting thing about her is that most of her flaws are her strengths taken to an extreme, while most of nico’s flaws are her fears overpowering her strengths. ain’t that fucking BEAUTIFUL. the TASte. the ART. moneT WHOOO??? never heard of her

deanoru: the poetry of it allllllll hennyyyy. i see a lot of people thinking that they are foils, which i agreed with for a while, but then... an epiphany occured to me today like the second coming of christ. the reason that nico and karolina are so interesting to watch is because they’re more similar than they are different. they have a lot of the same strengths. nico and karolina are both: caring, kind, passionate, strong-willed, believers, rebellious, family-oriented, protective, intelligent. the difference is their weaknesses. nico can be overcome by her fear of herself or others which leads her to have the ability to be callous, cold, closed-off, a lone wolf. karolina’s weaknesses lie in her strength. that’s what makes them a compelling couple to watch. the difference in their personalities lie in how they attack pain and frustration, and nico has been through the most. i think deanoru’s first scene in the bathroom is so indicative of their dynamic. karolina’s first words to her are that she doesn’t have to hide behind all that makeup and i think that the statement works in two-fold. first is that nico obviously is using makeup as a mask to further isolate herself, which we’ve already established is her form of self-destruction, and throughout the seasons, nico’s most impactful emotional beats are done when she’s almost bare-faced: it a visual queue to the audience that she feels safe enough to let her guard down. BUT the statement is also hella judgemental on karolina’s part, which i think is a part of her arc in season 3. a part of her is scared of nico’s darkness and what could become of it. her biggest fear is losing nico to the darkness. her disdain for witchcraft is mostly rooted in that: a part of her is scared of nico’s darkness and her tendency to use it as a tool for self-destruction.

the finale: that shit hit different. i absolutely loved that they chose to show that nico and karolina weren’t together after the events of the fight. it shows that there were problems that weren’t resolved, especially nico’s tendency to isolate after she feels as though she’s endangered people she loves. it showed that the writers acknowledged that these characters are flawed and human and they let them be that way. they are all driven by familial bond and when a piece of that family is taken away from them, they fall into their old habits. that’s the most human shit i’ve ever seen. but most importantly, this last episode does an amazing job at summarizing the theme of the season: failure is okay and human, and strength is found in love. some people think that the fact that a version of nico and karolina’s doesn’t end happily is depressing or discouraging but i think the opposite. the ending of the show was forgiving on the characters, especially nico, because they were able to change their pasts and make a brighter future for all of them. in the back half of the episode, older deanoru look at baby deanoru having a conversation that probably felt like a resolution to all of their problems in that moment. nico appreciated karolina believing in her and was appreciative of it and they had a wholesome kiss and that was it. nico, being from the future knows that her greatest mistake is not staying next to karolina and growing with her because of her tendency to work on her strengths and run from her weaknesses, to isolate herself. the ending is forgiving and kind in a way that i don’t think i’ve seen enough people appreciate: nico was able to affect her future and make it something better, something that we all we wish we could do and the fact that her biggest regret was shutting karolina out and isolating herself to work on her powers says a lot about their bond. also, that last line from alternate reality karo and nico: promise me that you’ll find me????? absolutely beautiful. do i smell... SOULMATES????

anywhooo, i hope this was satisfactory. lmk what y’all think bc i love a good conversation 😩

[fanficslutforsmut]

Walking Blind (Daryl Dixon TWD) Chapter Four

When one of the new douchebags came I left the watchtower, walking away, quicker than usual to see if Monet had stayed where I had left her, sitting up on that damn perch. 

By the time I got there she wasn't even there, damn girl was just gone. I looked around to see if I could spot that mop of long blonde hair or that dumb dog she's got but I couldn't find them anywhere. 

"You seen Monet walk round here?" I asked Carol as she mixed some food. 

"I showed her to the showers a while ago, she hasn't been back since then." Carol scrunched her eyebrows together, realizing how long it had been. I walked away before she said anything else, walking towards the musky wet smell, the metal door was closed but I could hear the water still going. I hit the door a few times, calling her name before I heard Bear barking from the other side. I pushed the heavy door and walked in, Monet was on the floor face down, naked and wet. Her skin looked almost blue and was ice cold to the touch like she was sittin in a fucking freezer or somethin. 

Bear cried and whined while licking her. I tore the flannel from my body, covering her with it and then her bottom with one of the white towels. She was bleeding from her head, a gnarly cut from the concrete. I shut the water off, picking her freezing body up and holding her close to me, nudging the door open with my foot and nearly running out the door with her. 

"Hershal, Hershal need your help out here," I yelled, Bear on my heels barking. I pulled her body up and even closer when my grip turned to shit, breathing heavy while I turned to the side to get us in the door of Hershals cell. 

Hershal shoved me outta the way, his fingers on her neck, then looking at the blood coming from her head. 

"She'll need stitches for sure, what happened?" He asked, not even bothering to look away from her while he moved her blood-stained hair from the cut.

"I dunno, she probably fell or something, I found her like that in the showers." I breathed, trying to look over Maggie as she pushed a smaller towel to her head, wiping away the blood. Hershal started to thread a needle, and I watched as he tied her skin back up together. 

"She's gonna need some clothes, come with me and we'll find her some, let my dad take care of this," Maggie told me, trying to pull me away as he checked for any other injuries. 

"I ain't goin nowhere." I scoffed, puffing out my chest and staying guard. She rolled her eyes, knocking my shoulder as she went past me to get some clothes. 

"You should keep her in a cell instead of that perch, keep her away from the stairs," Hershal told me, he was trying to cover her up more with a cheap blanket. I nodded but kept my eyes focused on her. Bear was at her feet, licking them and crying for her. 

"It's gonna be a while until she wakes up, why don't you and Carol fix her up a cell." He offered, even though it sounded more like an order, but Hershal knew what was best so I nodded, taking one last look at Monet and walking out and towards the perch. 

I knew I looked at the least pissed of by the way everyone seemed to slide right on through as if I wasn't even there. That's how they probably wished it was, that I weren't even here, I know what they think of me. Just a dumb hick who can hunt some meat. 

I cleared everything out of the cell trying to make room for her, I put my stuff on the top bunk, I knew it was wrong to go through her shit, but I couldn't help it. Mostly it was horrid smelling dirty clothes, two cans of food, a half-empty water bottle, a small black book filled with pictures. 

I sat on the bottom bunk, looking around for a minute, opening the front cover. 

There was a couple in a hospital room holding a baby, a caption written next to it. "Monet Ophelia Charleston Born May 6th, 1993"

The next few pages were various stages of her life, all with a small one or two-sentence description. I couldn't see the resemblance until around her highschool years. A picture of her next to a few other girls wearing a red and black cheer uniform, jumping and holding a big trophy. "Mo, Rachel, Samantha, Teagan fall of 11' regionals, first place!!!"

Every milestone was documented, her first steps, her first tooth, learning to ride a bike, every first day of school, dances, prom, graduation all of them with the same guy standing beside her for years, some douche named Carter, whose hold on her always seemed so wrong, but the fun memories turned sour a few months after graduation when there were numerous hospital pictures. Mo with broken arms "Monet King county hospital, 3rd broken arm this year 2012", and legs "Monet 2012 'fell' again", big bruises covering her face "Monet 

'ran into' the door 2013", cuts on her forearms and legs "Monet 'fell into' the bushes 2014". My breath caught on the second to last page. 

It was a hospital band with numerous sized pictures of her face. Her eyes were bleeding and unbelievably swollen, it was sharp purple and black bruising around her eye, the bad one. Then there was recovery photos, some pre-surgery, some with her eyes bandaged, ones with her wearing glasses and using a cane. Carter was still in the background of all these pictures too, standing and watching her. "Monet 'mugging accident', broken orbital bone, almost completely blind. May God bring her peace and heal her. 2015,"

 Bear soon came into the photos "Monet' seeing eye dog Bear! 2016", then there were family photos, holidays, and everything seemed to be normal besides a littering few hospital pictures in between.

I scoffed and through the book down when the last page came to sight, a wedding invitation for Monet and Carter due sometimes next year. 

I shoveled her thing back into the book bag before taking the dirty clothes to Carol, asking for her help in washing them. We washed in silence and listened to the almost peacefulness of outside, other than those diseased ridden bitches gnawin at the gates. 

We wrung them dry and hung up the clothes, I passed Carl and several others on the way back inside before Rick stopped me, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me aside. 

"The fuck you doin' man?" I seethed, tearing my arm out of his grasp and standing back.

"Don't you see, she's nothing but problems. Someone has to babysit her all the time, she can't even take a shower herself without almost dying. We can't keep her." He told me, looking away from me and towards the fences. 

"The hell you tryna say then? Dump her somewhere, she'll die." I was mad, pissed even. Rick wants to go out and save some kid who was shootin at him, Glenn, and Hershal, keep him around but we can't keep Monet? 

"We can give her supplies-"

"She won't survive out there and you know it." I shoved, puffing my chest and standing tall. "Thought you were all about not killin the living." I hissed, spitting at the ground by his feet, stocking away and heading into the prison. I passed everyone silently, heading to Hershal's cell. 

"I've got her stitched up, she'll need painkillers when she wakes up, which I assume you have?" I nodded "She'll be out for a while, why don't you occupy yourself, I'll watch her." I nodded, turning around and walking towards Carol. 

"She might need a few things, you and Glenn could run to the store and get her stuff." She suggested, looking towards the cell she was resting in. 

"Like what?" I gnawed on my thumb, harshly chewing the skin off and preparing myself to make a mental note. 

"I could come with instead, make sure she'll have all of her, womanly things." She smirked, I rolled my eyes, barely nodding and walking outside towards the cars. I was going to take my bike until Carol stopped me. 

"We should take the car, in case we find food or other things for everyone." I nodded, we stood for a minute, filling the gas while I eyed up Rick who was also staring right back at me. Just as Carol and I were getting in the car Maggie and Glenn came out running. 

"She's awake, I think, yeah she's awake," Maggie told me. I looked at Carol and the car. "We'll go, you and Carol check on her, we have to get little ass-kicker some formula anyway." Glenn finished up as they already started getting in the car. I half-ass nodded before jogging inside. 

"I thought it would be a while," I asked Hershal, watching as he hovered over Monet. "I did too." He looked at me. He was dabbing a cloth at her forehead while she nodded around. 

"Daryl?" She asked for me. My chest felt tight and hot and I pushed my way through to be up close to her. 

I hummed, giving her a nudge with my hand, she grabbed me tightly, squeezing my fingers with her tiny soft hand. Hershal pushed a small metal chair behind me, I sat down waiting for her to say anything again but she didn't she just hummed and looked towards me. 

She had a blue eye, dark almost grey color but the other was white and cloudy, you could barely see any blue at all. She had a small scar under her eye that was so thin I never noticed until now. She was so pale, not just now but even when I had first gotten her. There were clothes on the floor by the bed, I'm assuming Maggies. 

"We'll leave you two to get decent," Carol told me, pulling Hershal out of the cell and leaving the curtain to fall in place, blocking us from the outside. 

"Here are some clothes, I won't look or nothin," I told her, putting the pile on her lap.  She groaned, squeezing my hand harder as she sat up, clutching the sheet to her chest to keep it from falling. 

"I might need your help, I'm so light-headed right now." She sighed, closing her eyes and leaning forward. 

I hummed and started grabbing back at the clothes, I tossed Maggie's shirt to the side and grabbing the flannel I had covered her with, off the ground. I grabbed a small grey bra from the pile. 

"Here's your bra." I looked away while handing it to her. Monet slowly took it from my hands, and I look back when I heard it clasp together. 

"Shirt" I whispered, fluffing out my shirt and helping her button it up once it was wrapped around her. She sat with her head back and her eyes still closed. 

"You got a lot of marks on ya," I mumbled, she sighed. "Thought you wouldn't look." She didn't sound mad, or even sad, just tired. I kept my mouth shut, handing her a small rolled-up bundle of panties. I watched as she rolled them around in her hands for a second before realizing what the were. She didn't even stand, just pulled them up her legs and lifting her ass for a second as they slid up her hips. I handed her the last item, making sure the jeans were the right way, helping her slide her feet in and letting her use my shoulders to stand up, before sliding them up her waist. 

She swam in my shirts and Maggie's pants were baggy and loose on her.

"You eat much?" I asked. All I could think about was how horrible her body looked when I found her in the bathroom. 

She was so pale white that every bruise she had was so noticeable, even the ones in that god awful yellow color. Her legs black and blue, her sides and back purples and yellows. I could see her spine, her ribs, her hip bones. She looked like a skeleton. Fuck, the walkers outside ate more than she did. 

She just hummed along to me, laying back down once I put some socks on her. 

"Want me to get you anything? Need some food or something?" I asked, nudging her feet. She moved to grab my hand, now facing me. 

"I already ate some of the meat you brought earlier." She told me, clearing her throat. I hummed, letting her hold my hand, grunting when she let it fall. 

"What happened in there?" 

"I fell looking for the soap, ironic to drop the soap in a prison huh." She laughed, it was lazy and breathy. I just hummed along to her. Bear whined and Monet patted her side, "Up Bear." and he listened, jumping up and laying next to her.

"Daryl, we might need you out here," Carol told me from the cell door, I looked to Monet. "It's ok, you can go," Monet told me, I couldn't even say how she knew I was waiting for her but she did.

"I'll be back, holler if you need me alright." I nudged her side before leaving, following Carol. 

[artificialqueens]

How Far I'll Go Chapter Six (Ninex) - Mia Ugly, Meggie

A/N: We’re baaaaack! Hi hello how are you? LIFE is crazy. We’re so sorry it took so long to get this chapter to you guys, but honestly, Snatch Game was probably the hardest thing we’ve written. It’s hard to be funny. I’m going to be way nicer to queens who do badly on Snatch Game from here on out because it’s not easy, mama. Anyway. We hope you enjoy this SUPER MEGA SIZED CHAPTER (10.5k!) to make up for the super long hiatus. And hopefully we’ll be back with more very soon. Come visit us on our blogs: @mia-ugly and @artificialmeggie

Previously: The runway was purple, but Blair’s Scarlett O'Hara realness wasn’t enough to save a poor performance and she was sent packing. Brooke and Vanjie are (most definitely) probably still messing around, and Nina and Monet had a moment backstage when Nina narrowly avoided elimination. Or was it a moment? Oh, and Nina’s probably losing his mind.

To come: Katya, Snatch Game, a hotel bar date, and a musical number.

Nina wakes up and is still on Drag Race.

He might be having some kind of a nervous breakdown (and breaking into song periodically) but that’s showbiz, kid.

And now it’s time for the fucking Snatch Game.

Shower, shave, dress.

Prepare for another sloppy Branjie moment in the elevator (and thank God, Nina gets to avoid that for a change). Nina Bo’nina is riding down alone, and the two of them chat distractedly on their way to the conference room.

A few of the mentors are there, but no Monét and no Trixie.

Nina tries not to let that bother him as he nibbles his toast and drinks his coffee. He’s focused this morning, ready for whatever happens next. He’s been thinking about Snatch Game since the moment he got the All Stars call, is determined that this is going to be his challenge (of course, he might have had that thought about the last challenge too… No, nope, move the hell on, girl.)

Nina doesn’t see Brooke until they film the Werk Room entrance. The man looks exhausted. There are circles under his eyes that the makeup guy has done his best to cover, but it’s still obvious Brooke is not at his best. It makes Nina remember that - no matter how stupid the Canadian is being about Vanjie (and no matter what sort of history he has with Nina’s equally stupid heart), Nina still loves him. Will probably always love him in some kind of way.

“No coffee this morning?” he asks quietly as they’re waiting to get mic’d.

“Not enough.” Brooke pulls down his hideous knitted beanie (where the hell does he keep getting those? A P.A. should - frankly - take them away.)

“Have a late night?” Nina doesn’t really want to know, but if Brooke needs to talk about it -

“Oh no. No. Just - thinking.” He rolls his neck. “Like - we know what’s coming up, right? And last season - it wasn’t my best look.”

Nina barks out a an embarrassingly loud laugh. “No kidding.”

“You didn’t have to find it that funny.”

“It’s pretty funny.”

“You’re a dick, you know that? No matter how sweet Monét thinks you are.”

This makes Nina stop laughing. “Sorry - what?”

“He was just going on about you when he was watching Asia film our scene last episode. Like - ‘try this, Nina does this, blah blah.’”

Nina doesn’t know what to think about that. It makes him feel a bit warm and light-headed, but absolutely incapable of responding.

“Clearly you’ve got her fooled. I know what you’re really like.”

“Haha, yeah.” Nina’s voice is weak and he hopes to God Brooke doesn’t immediately clock his blush. Luckily, Vanjie chooses that moment to start flirting with the sound guy, and Brooke’s attention is suddenly elsewhere. Yes, yes, that’s good. Nina will have to keep Vanjie close by at all times, just in case he needs to distract Brooke.

They all romp into the Werk Room together, Shea and Asia working their few seconds in the doorway for all it’s worth (“pose for me, pose for me, POSE”). They talk a bit about Blair going home, but before they can say much about it there’s the sound of a video message, and the television flickers to life.

“Ladies,” Ru’s face comes onto the screen. “I picked you queens for All Stars because you represent the best of the best. But on second thought… I think I’d like to see some other queens in your place. Sorry, not sorry.”

The video ends.

“What the hell does that mean?” Shea asks.

“Nah, nah.” Vanjie is shaking his head in denial. “We don’t need no more hos up in here. We got too many of y’all already.”

“Hello, hello, hello!” The door opens and Ru comes into the Werk Room, followed by the mentors. Nina tries to smile and look as excited to see Ru as he’s always supposed to be, but - he can’t help being worried about whatever the hell twist is coming up. (Monét winks at him as he comes in, so that’s something. Nina will keep that one brief moment like a diamond in his pocket.)

“Ladies, for this week’s maxi challenge, it’s time for another All Star Edition of Snatch Game!”

Most of the queens around Nina are delighted - except Brooke. Nina can see him smiling, but it’s fragile and fake, and his arms are folded very tightly around himself, legs crossed at the thigh even though he’s standing; a clear indication he’s stressing.

“This time, however, to celebrate my recent single ‘Queens Everywhere’— available now on iTunes—we’re going to do things a little bit differently. I know you’re all amazing queens, but for this Snatch Game, I’d like to see if you have any other queens inside you.” Ru raises a suggestive eyebrow. “Not to give Miss Vanjie an unfair advantage.”

Vanjie’s jaw drops even as he laughs, mutters “shade” through his perfect teeth.

“For this Snatch Game, I’m asking you to channel one of your sisters. We’ve had a lot of iconic queens on this series, so you’ll have plenty of personalities to choose from. And luckily you’ve got some experts here for inspiration. Hashtag Snatch Game All Stars. Gentleman, start your engines. And may the best All Star… win!”

“The fuck?” Vanjie whispers to Nina as soon as Ru leaves. “Bitch, I had a damn plan. I brought the little gold trophies and everything. Watched all the fucking movies. Now I got to be one of y’all’s tired asses? That ain’t fair.”

“Trophies, like - you mean Oscars?”

“Sure, whatever.”

Nina has to admit that he’s kinda thrilled about this twist. He’d been telling anyone who will listen who he was going to be for the Snatch Game if he ever got another chance. He’d had a couple back-ups, of course (they’d all been told to bring a former queen, so honestly, they should have seen this coming from a mile away), but this really couldn’t have gone better for him.

He feels bad for some of the other queens though, especially Vanessa (the bitch was prepped to do Meryl Streep - Brooke’s idea, and a fucking hilarious one. He’d kill to see it).

“X-Queens assemble,” Monét calls over at him, and Nina pats Vanjie on the shoulder, goes off to sit with Monét and Asia.

Monét looks good. Real good. He’s in some loud patterned sweatshirt that has tiny slices of pizza all over it, and another pair of thick-rimmed glasses (white, or maybe baby pink?), and he’s smiling at Nina like - no, nope. Move along.

“It’s actually the Avengers that assemble,” Asia tells Monét, who rolls his eyes at her.

“Girl, you can’t be a bigger nerd than me. I won’t accept it.”

“Yeah, ‘cause knowing about the Avengers is real obscure, serious fan-only shit.”

“The shade, Miss Asia! Nina West, are you going to defend your mentor?”

Nina holds his hands up. “You’re the fearless leader, you got this.”

“The pair of you.” Monét shakes his head. “All right, what you got for Snatch Game?”

“I’ma be Brown Cow Stun-ning, yes, honey.” Asia pops her tongue after a pretty admirable impression of Monique Heart.

“And Miss Nina West?” Monét is looking at him with an eyebrow raised. Nina wonders if he’s heard the interviews, if he already knows.

“Miss Vaaaanjie,” Nina says, “Bitch, you know I don’t play games. Don’t play Monopology, Uno, Twistah, Tag, Marbles -”

“Jesus Christ, stop it.” Monét is covering his face with his hands, while Asia is cackling. “Does she know?”

“Not yet.”

“She will live. Okay, okay, I ain’t worried about either of you. Take me straight to the finale, win me that serious mentor coin.”

They run through a couple ideas for jokes, focusing more on Asia (who struggled last time and still has a bit of anxiety flaring behind her contacts). There’s a break for lunch, but it’s weirdly quiet, subdued. Snatch Game is an opportunity to stand out, to prove you deserve to be there. It’s also an opportunity to crash and burn in front of Ru, the judges, and later on - the world. So there’s that.

After lunch everyone starts putting on their paint, fixing their wigs. The cameras zoom in to get some Werk Room chatter about who is playing who, and of course they’re all dying for Vanessa’s reaction (as soon as he sees Nina pull out his pink-petalled Barbie-head dress from its garment bag, the pussycat’s out of the Prada bag).

“Noooo, bitch,” Vanjie shouts across the room, but he’s smiling. “Oh, I’mma have to whup your ass if that’s what I think it is.”

“Deuces!” Nina shouts back at him, throwing up the sign as well, while Brooke covers his face.

“That ain’t right, it ain’t right. Thought we was friends, sis.” Vanjie is laughing about it, though; Nina knows they’re cool.

“Who are you playing, Miss Shea Coulée?” Asia calls over to her sister, who is fussing with a nasty looking green wig.

“Paaaarty…” Shea drags out the word, working that vocal fry for all she’s worth. “I’m going to be Adore Delano, darling.”

Nina Bo’nina Brown thinks this is the funniest thing she’s ever heard, can’t speak for laughing so hard. Shea seems entertained by it at first, but her smile starts to tighten a little after the laughter continues a bit too long.

“What’s so funny?”

“Nothing, nothing. Just - good luck, girl.”

“Who are you doing then?”

“Yeah,” Cracker interjects. “You were Jasmine Masters for your season’s Snatch Game right? The judges loved it.”

“Right. So why mess with perfection? I’m going to do Miss Jasmine Masters.”

A couple of the girls stop what they’re doing when she says this.

“You’re going to play the same queen?” Cracker repeats, a bit shocked.

“Yeah. I was sickening last time, I’ll be sickening this time.”

“Aren’t you worried that they’ll read you for not showing them what else you can do?”

“Nah. They’re gonna be laughing too hard.”

“Mmmm…” Vanjie makes a low, skeptical noise.

“Trust and believe, Vanjie,” Nina B. calls over to her. “Trust and believe.”

The cameras have to reset then to film Ru’s entrance into the Werk Room, and catch all the queens’ “surprised” reactions.

“Hello hello hello, kitty girls!”

Nina beams, claps his hands, that whole production. He’s feeling pretty good though - the energy is real. He’s actually excited for this challenge, ready to show Ru what he can do. (That’s how he felt last year too, then Silky went and yanked the win right out from under him. But no time to dwell on that now.)

“How are my All Stars? I thought I’d take a little look-see at what you were planning for us. And I brought along one of our extra special guest judges to help me out.”

From behind Ru, Katya Zamolodchikova comes in waving and smiling, teeth glowing white against her red lipstick.

“Oh my god! Get your own thing!” Trixie yells from across the room, and Katya does that ridiculous/adorable silent laugh that Nina has seen on “UNHhhh” too many times to count.

“Thanks for coming, Katya!” Ru says cheerfully.

“No problem, Ru. Thanks for unlocking the attic door!”

“Well, it was a special occasion. And I was feeling generous.”

They go from station to station, cameras following them around silently, and Nina fusses a bit with his dress while eavesdropping on their conversations with the other queens. There is a bit of concern for Brooke, who’s playing Detox (no big surprise there). How is Brooke going to make Detox funny seems to be the main issue. Nina has the same question. Brooke seems more confident than last season, though, so Ru and Katya wish him luck.

There’s some controversy over Nina Bo’nina playing Jasmine again, but the girl won’t be convinced to try something else. Nina listens to some of the critiques, ignores some of the others. He’s interested, but he also knows he needs to focus on his own performance, and not get in his head. He’s not as bad as Brooke at over-thinking things, but no one goes into goddamn musical theatre who isn’t at least a little bit destroyed (psychologically speaking. Okay, maybe also a bit romantically. It’s fine).

“Nina West!” Ru says close to Nina’s ear, and he almost jumps a foot in the air. (Girl, Katya is standing four feet away from you, be cool, be cool.)

“Hello, hello, hello Christine,” he says, immediately launching into his Vanjie impression. Both Ru and Katya laugh - and Katya’s smile up close is completely unfair, like a smile cut out of paper, perfect and sharp-edged.

(“I don’t know her!” Vanjie shouts from across the room.)

“So who are you going to be?” Katya asks, completely straight-faced, as soon as she and Ru have stopped laughing.

“I don’t know, still making up my mind,” Nina says, back in his normal voice.

“And the uh -” Ru gestures to the hideous floral Barbie dress, “gown?”

“Do you like it? One of my best gowns. What’s funny?”

Katya is wheeze-laughing. Katya is wheeze-laughing because of something Nina said! He stores that one next to the Monét gem from earlier; hopes to have enough for his own tiara in the unthinkable event that he doesn’t win.

“Now on Season 11’s Snatch Game, you were hilarious, you played -”

“Harvey Fierstein and Jo Anne Worley-”

“Yes! And really, it might have been one of the strongest performances in Snatch Game herstory.”

Nina smiles gratefully (only slightly furious that Ru’s saying this despite the fact that Nina didn’t win. He deserved to win).

“So how can you possibly outdo yourself this time?”

“I’m not trying to outdo myself, I’m trying to do something different. Like Katya, when you played Björk -”

“Yes, yes, back to me,” Katya says, nodding.

“Completely different from Suze Orman, but still so funny. That’s what I’m going to do. Just - mix it up.”

“All right, Nina, good luck. Can’t wait to see it,” Ru says, moving on.

It’s fine. It’ll be fine.

As soon as Ru and Katya leave the Werk Room it’s a mad dash to get dressed and made up and before Nina knows it, before he can light a bunch of candles on an altar and find whatever religion will bring him the most luck, they’re all being rounded up and led into the studio for the Snatch Game.

Okay.

Okay.

Brooke’s Detox look is iconic, the yellow and black striped bandage dress from the Season 5 premiere (probably borrowed from Detox herself) hugs his perfectly padded body, but he’s absolutely trembling as he walks beside Nina. Nina has to squeeze his shoulder, tell him it’ll be fine.

“It’s fun, Brooke. Just have fun with it,” he murmurs as he hits the bright studio lights, has to blink until his vision adjusts (the first thing he sees is Monét and Nina’s blinded by him).

Okay.

The mentors are sitting along the sidelines, ready to watch the show play out. Nina wasn’t expecting that, but it’s - fine. Monét smiles at him, and Nina’s going to use that smile as a good luck charm - a rabbit’s foot, a four leaf clover, whatever. It’s impossible not to feel lucky when someone who looks like Monét goddamn X Change smiles at you like that.

“Welcome to the first All Stars ‘Queens Everywhere’ Snatch Game!” Ru says after they’re all mic’d and seated, upbeat music playing behind him. “Let’s meet our contestants.”

Katya beams from where she’s sitting behind her glittery podium and microphone.

“It’s everyone’s favorite queen that we found digging in the dumpster outside - Katya!”

“And yet I’m still hungry!”

Katya smiles at Ru and then snaps her teeth at the other queens.

“And - just when you thought we’d finally seen the last of her - halleloo! It’s Shangela!”

Shangela raises one hand in the air, nodding seriously. “That’s right, I’m back again, bitches. And I ain’t even in a box this time, baby.”

“Ladies, are you ready to meet the queens?”

“Yaaaaaaaaaas,” they answer in tandem.

They reset so that Ru can film the introductions, and Nina’s heart starts rattling like bones in a bag. He’s buzzing with adrenaline and nerves, but he’s going to channel that into a goddamn win. That’s right, he tells his inner saboteur - you can fuck off. This challenge is mine.

“The heart of Season 10 - Monique Heart is here!” Ru starts with Asia, whose Monique look is extremely correct.

“Hello world! Hello America! Are you brown cow stunning?” She tosses Ru a ridiculous cow-patterned baseball cap. Ru briefly feigns excitement before throwing it over his shoulder in distaste.

“Burn that,” he murmurs to one of the camera crew. “Next up, we have the original party-queen - Adore Delano!”

Shea Coulee stretches her arms in the air before making a peace sign, growling “Party,” in a gravelly voice.

“How are you doing Adore?”

“I mean, I’m good, you know? Like. Excited to be back. Where am I again?”

Nina has to turn his mouth into his shoulder to stifle the laugh that bubbles to his throat immediately. He wasn’t sold on it when they were discussing it in the Werk Room, but Shea is killing it as Adore. Her voice, her delivery is hilarious. The makeup is flawless. Her perpetual open mouth is complete perfection. As always, Shea Coulee is slaying the competition. Nina’s stomach gives a nervous jolt, so he sucks in a deep breath and reminds himself to pay attention.

He realizes he’s missed Ivy’s introduction, but Katya is gagged at the illusion of, well - Her - that Ivy is turning today. A mid-length honey blonde wig barely brushes Ivy’s shoulders and her red bustier is covered in rhinestones (and, of course, the scythe and hammer.) The look is great. The accent, on the other hand… Nina sighs a little, but tries not to get comfortable, regardless of how terrible Ivy’s Russian accent is.

Vanjie is seated at the end of the top row, decked out in red lace, a large pair of dark sunglasses balanced precariously on her nose. There’s no denying the air about her: Miss Vanjie is living Miss Valentina’s French vanilla fantasy, and no one could doubt it.

Ru beams at him. “Valentina! How wonderful to see you again!”

Vanjie draws in a deep breath. “That’s right, Ru, it’s me - Valentina. I’m back, and this time, I just want you to know, I fully learned all the words to ‘Greedy.’”

“Excellent! You want to sing us a verse right now?”

“No,” Vanjie answers, extremely primly, and even in his gravelly voice, the delivery is enough to make Ru laugh.

“Maybe next time.”

“Probably not.”

Then Ru’s looking at Nina and - oh, god, why did he think coming back for All Stars was a good idea again?

“Miss Vaaaaaanjie is here!” Ru trills.

Nina sucks in a deep breath and - “What’s the grease, mama?”

Down the row, Brooke buries his face in his hands, but his shoulders bounce with laughter. Ru is giggling loudly. Even Katya and Shangela are agape at the spot-on impression like it’s the first time he’s done it, the first time they’ve heard it.

He lets himself relax a little.

“Three seasons in a row.” Ru consults his cue cards. “Girl, aren’t you tired of competing yet?”

“Mmhmm.” Nina shakes his head vehemently, the wig he pilfered from Vanjie weeks ago flying around his shoulders. (He really does owe Brooke one for that.) “Nah, girl, you know I’m still trying to get my own show. Like Vanjie of Love or some shit like that. You know, something where these triflin’ hos gotta pay me some damn attention.”

In his periphery, Nina catches Brooke cut his eyes to him. He hopes this is okay. They haven’t really discussed the Branjie territory in regards to his jokes, but he kind of assumed it was fair game. Besides, he isn’t planning on directly hurting anyone’s feelings. He’ll keep it light, keep it fun. Besides, they’re the ones who marketed their portmanteau and gave the profits to charity. It’s practically public domain at this point.

“Next up we’ve got - oh my goodness, it’s Jasmine Masters!”

Nina Bo’nina gives Ru an extremely “over it” look. “Yeah, and I got something to say.”

“Now Jasmine - no tea, no shade, but haven’t you been on Snatch Game before?”

There’s a bit of an awkward pause before Nina Bo’nina waves him away.

“Bitch, I’ve got something more to say.”

Ru chuckles a bit, “I bet you do,” and moves on to Brooke.

“Another former All Star contestant, welcome Detox!”

Brooke looks sullen and concerned. He gives a little nod at Ru and the contestants.

“Detox, what’s the matter? You don’t look happy to be here.”

“Oh, am I not smiling?” Brooke asks through his extremely full, painted-on lips. “I can’t feel anything above my neck.” He shapes his mouth into a grotesque smile using his hands, and Ru almost doubles over. Okay, okay. Nina feels a little less worried about Brooke.

“And last but not least, we have - um, Aquaria! Hey girl!”

“Hi Ru!”

“Aquaria, is that the new way you’re spelling your name?” Cracker has written Acwareea on her name-card. A couple letters are backwards.

“Huh?” Cracker looks down at the name card. “Oh, I can’t spell my name. Actually, I can’t spell anything.”

“Okay then.”

“You know, some girls chose to read books, I chose to turn looks.”

“Yeah, you did! Now let’s get ready to play the Snatch Game!”

They break for a few adjustments on the cameras and microphones, and Nina tries not to hyperventilate, and then fuck - they’re rolling again.

“Here we go. The first question is for Katya. Katya, All Stars Season 1 paved the way, and brought back some of the most celebrated queens of all time to compete. This time, instead of competing in pairs, the queens are competing in BLANK.”

Be funny, be funny, be fucking funny. Nina tries to think like Vanjie and writes down an answer as soon as he’s got one, hoping it will be good enough.

“Okay, pens down. Katya?”

“I said competing in traction.”

“In - traction?”

“Yeah, you know, when all the bones in your body are broken and you’re in the hospital bed with your leg in the air.”

“That would certainly be a different kind of competition.”

“I’d watch it,” Katya says seriously, and Ru laughs.

“Let’s go to the Queens and see if we have any matches. Miss Valentina. What did you write down?”

Vanjie has put a lace mask on over the bottom of her face. She mumbles something indecipherable.

“What was that?” Ru asks. Vanjie mumbles something again.

“Valentina,” Ru says, clearly picking up on the joke. “Take that thing off your face.”

“I’d like to keep it on please.”

Ru shakes his head slowly, and at last Vanjie removes her mask.

“Now, Valentina. What did you write?”

Vanjie flips her card over, and Ru starts to wheeze with laughter. “That’s what I wrote down. I’d like to keep it on please.“

Vanjie’s Valentina voice is slipping, but she’s hella charming anyway, as always.

“I’m sorry, my dear, but that is not a match. Moving on to Aquaria - oh! You’ve got a new outfit.”

Miz Cracker was scrambling to put on a new wig and geometric headpiece made of iPhones while Ru was speaking to the contestants. She looks great, and she’s killing Aquaria’s affected head wobble.

“This season the queens are competing in BLANK.”

Cracker flips her card to reveal Aquaria’s instagram URL. “I wasn’t born when All Stars Season 1 aired, so I just wrote this.”

“Oh, okay - not a match.”

“I’m young,” Cracker insists, and Ru nods, patiently.

“We all were once. What did Miss Vaaaaanjie have to say?”

“I said we’d have to compete in swimsuits,” Nina says, flipping over his card.

“Swimsuits?”

“Yeah. Cause maybe then Michelle won’t read my ass for filth every damn week.”

Ru gapes at him, like he can’t believe he just came for Michelle in Snatch Game.

“Swimsuits be glamor when everybody else is doing them too, bitch!” Nina pops his tongue.

Ru laughs, high and clear, and then turns to the other Nina. “What about you, Jasmine? What do you have to say?”

Nina Bo’nina slaps her hands on the table and purses her lips. “We gonna be competing in making viral videos to get Justin Bieber’s attention, Ru.”

The room — pauses while Ru tries to save face with a polite chuckle. Nina West can practically hear the shade rattle sound effect that will inevitably be edited in at this exact moment.

Jasmine Masters probably wasn’t Nina Bo’nina’s best option (anyone could have told her that and, good god girl, they really tried). It’s not working. Nina doesn’t think any of it’s working.

Ru clears his throat, shakes his head. “I’m certain you could teach them a thing or two about that, but unfortunately, it’s not a match.”

Nina Bo’nina shrugs.

Ru shuffles his cue cards and moves on. “This next question is for Shangela. In All Stars Season 2, we changed things up by letting the queens choose who would be eliminated. This season, as well as eliminating each other, the queens will have to BLANK each other.”

There’s the scribbling of markers from the queens around Nina (who like to think he’s got this answer down blind.)

“Okay, pens down. Shangela? This season, the queens will also have to…”

“I knew what y’all were looking for, because y’all are nasty…” Shangela turns her card around. “But I’m a lady, so I said they’d have to ‘tuck’ each other.”

“Tuck each other!”

“Sometimes a girl needs a helping hand, mama.”

“Ain’t that the truth. Let’s see if we have any matches! Katya, what did you say?”

Ivy looks a bit startled to be called on first, but she beams with her red lips, flips her card over. “I said eat each other. To consume each other’s power and fill the gaping void that lives -” She pats her chest. “Right here.”

Katya (the real Katya) shrieks, but Ru shakes his head.

“I’m sorry, that’s not a match.”

“Da,” Ivy says solemnly, in her terrible Russian accent. “Da. It never is match. Like me and Trixie. Match but… No match.”

And, okay, Nina might imagine it, but it seems like the studio goes eerily quiet as everyone waits for Trixie’s reaction. She’s smiling, but it looks forced. Katya clears her throat but laughs, which seems to dispel the weird tension that formed.

Ru, oblivious to the entire thing, moves on. “Miss Vaaaanjie, what did you say?”

Nina sighs and flips his card, feeling pretty pleased with himself. “I said date each other. You know, I still be lookin’ for that Notebook shit.”

“Oh yeah, we know. No more Post-Its, right?”

“No more Post-Its, never again. I ain’t got the time, Mary!” He glances over at Brooke, raises his eyebrows seductively. “Hey, how you doin’?” Behind him, the real Vanjie mumbles something under his breath.

“I’m sorry, my dear, that’s not a match.”

“Bitch, it might be!” Nina says, still looking at Brooke, and Ru bends over laughing, stomping his foot into the ground. It’s adrenaline, it’s power, it’s like Nina knows this challenge is his.

“You ain’t even know!” he continues, channeling angry Vanessa as much as possible. “Just ‘cause one tall blonde bitch did me wrong don’t mean they all will. Shit.” Nina crosses his arms over his chest, leans back in his chair, sees Brooke duck his head and blink rapidly a few times.

That might have been too much. He just got caught in the moment and… Fuck. Dial it back a little, but stay focused.

“Moving on to Aquaria,” Ru says. Aquaria, this season the queens will have to BLANK each other.”

“I said ‘copy each other,” Cracker says tightly, in Aquaria’s low voice. “And it’s too bad Miz Cracker isn’t here. Maybe then she would have won something.”

“Oho!” Ru laughs, a bit scandalized. “Not a match, my dear.”

Cracker shrugs and throws the card over her shoulder. “Someone save that so I can call and ask Cracker if she wants more of my sloppy seconds.”

“Adore Delanoooo!” Ru trills the last syllable as he turns to Shea, who tosses the long green waves over her shoulder.

She flashes Ru one of Adore’s signature winking, mouth-open, tongue-out smiles with a peace sign.

“What did you write down, darling?”

“I said ‘party with each other,’” Shea drawls in Adore’s affected tone, adding more fry than is entirely necessary, but it gets the point across. She’s goofy and perfect.

“Party with each other,” Ru repeats.

“Yeah! I mean, you guys all look super cool. I’d hang out with you, smoke a blunt, eat some pizza. You know, party!”

Ru tsks. “Sounds like a great Tuesday night, but unfortunately not a match.” He turns to face the contestants, where Katya is sitting with her hands folded primly on her stack of cards. “Back to Katya! In All Stars Season 3, BenDeLaCreme shocked the judges by sending herself home. This season, Michelle Visage will shock everyone by BLANKING herself.”

Katya takes a minute to ponder, pressing her index finger to her lips then writes something on her card. Nina and the other queens follow suit, and when their time is up, Katya is smiling ferociously.

“Let’s see what our contestant put down. Katya?” Ru faces her. “Michelle Visage will shock everyone by doing what?”

Katya clears her throat. “I could have gone the obvious route, you know.”

“Obviously,” Ru says.

“Instead, I said, ‘sacrificing herself.’”

“Sacrificing herself?”

“With fire. To the Gods, honey.”

“Okay… Any particular God?”

“…Satan.”

“Of course. Let’s go to our queens. Detox, this season Michelle Visage will shock everyone by…”

Brooke flips his card over. “I said motorboating herself. I mean, if anyone could do it -”

“I don’t know how shocking that would be… but either way, I’m sorry, not a match. Vanessa Vanjie Mateo! What did you say, my dear?”

Nina flips over his card. “I said cloning herself.”

“Cloning herself?”

“Mmm-hmm. Need two of her to manage your ass.”

Ru laughs, and Nina thanks every God he knows the name of. The burn landed!

“And now she got that done, she’s gonna clone me some Canadian bacon.”

“Is that right?”

“Hell yeah it is.” Nina does not look at Brooke or Vanjie. “But only the good parts, baby. Trim all the fat; I’m a growing girl, need more protein in my diet.”

“Bitch, you couldn’t handle that much protein,” Vanjie-as-Valentina cuts in, and Ru fans himself.

“A controversial question! Let’s go to Monique Heart, see what she said. Michelle Visage will shock everyone by…”

“I said believing in herself.” Asia-as-Monique-turns her face to the camera. “Like I believe in myself, America. And that’s why I’d like to take this moment to announce my run for office.”

“Which office is that?”

“Whichever.” Asia’s got Monique’s flighty passion down perfectly. “One of the big ones, you know. And thank you, America, for your trust. I won’t let you down.”

Ru reads the last question of the night. “In All Stars Season 4, history was made when we celebrated the first Drag Race double crowning. This season, we’ll be making history with a double BLANK.”

Shangela is already shaking her head knowingly. There’s a scrabble of writing from the queens.

“Ladies, pens down. Shangela?”

“I’m giving the people what they want, Ru. I ain’t proud. I had to say a double fisting.”

“Did you really have to say it though?”

“Actually, mama, I did. The PAs have my children.”

“Ha! All right ladies, let’s see if we have any matches. Adore Delano. This season we’ll be making history with the first double BLANK.”

Shea holds up her card proudly. “I said the first double… elimination.”

Ru is quiet for a moment. “That’s actually been done before.”

“It has?”

“A couple of times, actually.”

“Oh.” Shea is unfazed. “Well. I don’t watch the show.”

Ru wheeze laughs, and so does Nina.

“I mean, I don’t know who any of you people are.”

“Sorry, Adore. Not a match.”

Shea shrugs, flashes a peace sign.

“What about you Katya?” Ru moves over to Ivy.

“Well, I thought about what Trixie and I like to do behind the scenes of ‘UNHhhh’ and I just had to put - fisting!” She flips her card.

“It’s a match!” Ru exclaims.

Everyone is laughing, but Nina can’t help check out the subjects of Ivy’s joke. The real Katya Zamo is smiling but - her teeth look clenched. And over with the mentors, Trixie Mattel is not smiling at all. She’s staring at her hands in her lap, systematically picking at the baby pink polish that adorns her fingernails. Hopefully none of the cameras pick up on that.

“I’ll see you later tonight!” Ivy continues, pointing at Trixie. There’s a halfway amused smile on Trixie’s face right away, but Nina feels like he was punched in the stomach. Something’s going on between the two of them, clearly. It hurts to watch - not like watching Vanjie and Brooke hurts (that’s more like watching two attractive bricks smash together). But Trixie and Katya - there’s so much history there. So much darkness. And God knows enough people have been convinced they’re in love -

“Monique Heart, what did you put down? This season we’ll be making history with the first double BLANK.”

“I said the first double crowning, dahling.”

“I’m sorry Monique, we already did that as well.”

“I know y’all did it, but I feel like it didn’t really count because my ass wasn’t wearing one of those crowns. It should have been me, and that’s a fact, America. And facts are - what? Facts.”

Ru laughs for a moment before turning to Nina. “What about Miss Vaaaanjie?”

“I said the first double wedding. And before y’all even ask: I do.” Nina glances over at Brooke, hoping he isn’t hitting this note a bit too hard.

“You do? Who’s the other happy couple?”

Ivy interrupts before Nina can answer. “Trixie! I’ve been meaning to ask you!”

“Oh honey,” Trixie calls out, looking flushed and uncomfortable. “I know I said I’d give more to charity this year, honey, but my generosity has limits.”

Behind her podium, Katya’s face is absolutely expressionless.

“Well, queens, we’re out of time,” Ru announces. “Which means the winner is… Xanax! Talk to your pharmacist. See you next time on the Snatch Game!”

Nina throws ‘deuces’ at the cameras as they get some closing B-roll, keeping up his Vanjie-persona until the very end. As soon as the director yells “cut!” Nina lets out the breath he’s been holding for the past two hours. God, it went by fast, but now he’s feeling every second of it. His muscles ache like he ran a marathon this morning and then tried kick-boxing for the first time.

“Nice work, ladies,” P.A.’s are congratulating them as they leave the set, but Nina barely hears a word. He de-drags, does some of the talking head interviews he loves so much (has to look shady about Nina B.’s performance, and worried about Brooke. Nina doesn’t put on an act or anything - he is kinda worried about Brooke. Brooke did ‘okay’ - better than Celine for sure - but didn’t stand out the way some of the other queens did. And if Brooke goes home tomorrow night - fuck. Nina doesn’t quite know how he feels about that).

Brooke was also kind of weird as they took off their paint in the Werk Room. Nina thought at first that he was in his head about the Snatch Game, but now he’s starting to wonder if his answers as Vanjie might have fucked Brooke up a bit. He hasn’t had a chance to address it, but he’s going to have to tomorrow, just to make sure they’re cool. He thinks it will be okay. He’s pretty sure. Basically. Almost positive.

Nina might be working through some latent confidence issues as he pushes himself for four miles on the elliptical later that night in the hotel (work through the pain, he reminds himself), but it’s fine really. Nothing to see here. Move along.

His legs ache and his face drips sweat, but he feels—good, actually. Solid about his performance. (He did last year, too, but he’s trying not to think about that.)

Dolly is singing about ways to make a living in his ears. He’s not assuming - but he is preparing. Just in case. If he has to lipsync for his legacy, he wants to be ready. Wants to win this one more than any other challenge, and call him crazy, but he feels like there’s a real chance. He can’t pinpoint why exactly, but there’s some kind of feeling settling down into his bones, making him think that maybe maybe maybe—

Underneath that, something uncomfortable has wormed its way into his psyche. It has almost nothing to do with the actual competition. It’s stupid and predictable and oh-so-not what he should be concerned with while on the set of All Stars for Christ’s sake. But he is and he’s here and he’s feeling things, and Nina taught himself a long time ago that feeling things fully for a while and then letting them go is far more beneficial to his mental health than taking the Brooke route and bottling everything up and burying it under vodka cranberries and couch cushions.

So sure. Okay. He’s feeling some kind of way about this thing that he saw that he wasn’t even supposed to see and isn’t even any of his business, but that’s just Nina’s luck for you. So that’s what he focuses on (or tries not to) as he turns up the resistance and pushes through the last of his workout.

He’d risked a glance back at Monét right before the PAs had shoved them off the soundstage. He’s in the business of gem collecting now, savoring those moments, polishing them up for later use, and maybe he wanted a ruby tinted the exact shade of Monét’s lipstick as they’d smiled across the room at each other.

Instead, he’d seen Monét reaching out to Shangela, crimson lips puckered, arms outstretched, ready for the kiss Nina couldn’t make himself watch.

Maybe they had kissed, Nina didn’t know; he’d made himself turn away before he could inflict any more psychological damage on himself. (He’s choosing healthier options now, remember.)

Of course they hadn’t had a moment after the last runway. Why would he think that? When Monét could have anyone he wants, and Nina is practically an amorphous blob. Like. He knows drag queens are all touchy-cuddly most of the time, and he knows that there’s probably nothing going on between Monét and pretty, perfect, halleloo-ing Shangela. But there could be, right? And goddamn, that would actually make sense. As opposed to whatever madness was going on in Nina’s head last night.

He adds even more resistance to the elliptical - just for “fun.” Or maybe spite. And yeah, okay, one night of really solid work in the hotel gym isn’t going to turn him into Naomi Smalls with legs up to his asshole or anything, but it’s a start. And the sooner Nina can convince himself that he isn’t doing this for Monét (or anyone other than himself because he likes exercise, damn it), the better.

He’s a grown-ass adult. He recognizes delusion when he sees it in the mirror every morning. It’s time to face facts—he and Monét had one (wondrously) sensual, albeit (incredibly) drunken night months ago. Monét had left the ball in Nina’s court. Nina was too chickenshit to do anything about it. Now they’re tentative friends (Monét is his mentor after all), Nina might be going crazy (this whole bursting-into-song-but-not-really thing has gone too far), and it’s all just so messy.

Nina wipes his face, stretches, and heads out of the hotel gym. He probably looks like a sweaty disaster (okay, there’s no ‘probably’ about it) and he’s waiting for the elevator down to the floor with his room, when the doors “ding” open and he’s face to face with Monét.

Could be worse. Could be Branjie again.

“Get in loser, we’re going drinking!” Monét says, with a wide smile on his face.

He’s so fucking charming that Nina momentarily forgets that he himself is a hot damn mess. Literally, like hot. Dripping with sweat.

“Um.” He gets into the elevator anyway because - he’s gotta go somewhere. “Are we?”

“If you want.” Monét gets strangely shy as soon as the elevator doors close. Or maybe that’s just in Nina’s mind. “Was the Mean Girls reference too much? I feel like maybe it’s played out.”

Nina laughs out loud, awkwardness momentarily forgotten. Monét never seems anything but confident and composed, and that one moment of doubt is - surprisingly endearing.

Not that confident, composed Monét isn’t completely endearing as well. Like. It’s all good. It all works a little too well for Nina. Everything about Monét is working a little too well for Nina lately.

Shit, the elevator is moving, decision-making time is limited.

“I kinda look like - this?” Nina waves a hand at his damp self.

“Fine as hell, girl,” Monét says with a grin, “and no pressure, obviously. Though if I’m drinking alone at the hotel bar, it’s going to look a little sad. And, look, I can make sad work for me, that’s not a problem. But after the day I’ve had -”

“Oh, the day you’ve had. Yeah, I forgot how stressful it must have been. Competing on a reality show and all that.”

“Fuck off. Uh oh, we’re passing your floor -”

“How do you know which floor is mine?”

Monét blinks at him, briefly speechless, mouth agape. (It makes something spark like a firework in Nina’s chest, shoot colours across the night sky.) The moment passes and then Monét doesn’t even have the decency to look embarrassed, just smiles like a gorgeous monster as he taps his temple. “That’s classified mentor information.”

“Yeah?”

“Hell yeah. You don’t want to know about my top-secret dossier.”

“No, I - don’t.”

“You sure you don’t?” Monét winks at him, and the elevator dings as it reaches the ground floor. “Ah, shit, missed your stop. Better come do shots with me.”

“I mean, I could just press the button again.” Nina doesn’t know why he’s resisting, he wants to get tipsy with Monét more than he wants to do most things (aside from win All Stars and run for office someday maybe).

“Nah, girl, this elevator only goes down. One-way elevator. Sorry, should have told you.”

“Guess I’m out of options.”

“Guess so.”

They look at each other. Nina remembers the man that asked him up to his room the night of the finale. Nina remembers the taste of his mouth, the way Monét kept kissing him, like he couldn’t get enough. Nina -

- is clearly exhausted. And still delusional. But fuck it.

They go to the hotel bar (isn’t this how all the bad stories start?) and Monét buys them both a tequila sunrise and tells Nina way more than he should about Trixie Mattel.

“So her man and her are split. She’s feeling some kind of way about it.”

“Of course she is. Haven’t they been together for, like, ever?”

“Something like that. Fuck.” Monét drains his drink, motions for another round. “We’ve been talking about it, but I’m not - you know. I love her, she’s incredible, but - I’m not - her best friend.”

“You’re not Katya,” Nina says quietly, and Monét scrubs his hands over his face.

“Yeah. That.”

“So why isn’t she talking to Katya, then? You guys have your phones; Katya’s here now, for Christ’s sake.”

Monét shrugs. “Beats me.”

“Are they -” Nina doesn’t have any right to this information, but - he figures that Monét wants to talk about it. “Potentially… do you think -”

“Who the fuck knows? Honestly, when I said I’d come back to do this show, I did not think it would be like being in high school again. Like who is crushing on who, who is hooking up, it -” He darts a look over at Nina and then snaps his mouth shut. “I mean.”

Nina looks away. Finishes his second drink a bit too quickly. “You want another?”

“Okay,” Monét answers before Nina can even finish the sentence.

The bartender is particularly attentive, gets another round in front of them right away. He’s got a lot of smiles for them both, says, “This round’s on me, I’m a huge fan,” as he walks off to help another customer, and Nina - can’t help it, he’s a masochist - raises an eyebrow at Monét.

“Think you’ve got an admirer.”

“Yeah?” Monét rolls his eyes. “More like you do.”

“Should we turn this into an awful romantic comedy where we make a bet about who he likes more?”

Monét laughs like he’s shocked at himself. “Girl! Okay, but what happens at the end? Who wins?”

“Well, if we’re following the formula, we probably both realize that real love was right in front of - you know, I don’t know. You, you win.” Fuck fuck fuck, what the hell is Nina even saying? He watched too many Hallmark movies last Christmas. “That voice, that ass, right?” He tries to make it into a joke, even with Monét’s eyes all honeyed and serious on his face.

Monét purses those perfect lips, presses them into a semi-smile. “Just… didn’t want to assume nothing.”

They talk for another couple drinks, and it’s - shit, it’s easy. It’s never this easy with someone Nina likes. He knows he can be funny, knows he can bring out the charm (with the right amount of alcohol in his system) but usually if there are feelings involved it all goes to hell. Nina gets weird and in his head and laughs too loudly and spills his drink everywhere.

But with Monét - it shouldn’t be like this. It shouldn’t be this easy, especially with all the longing covering up the background like terrible flowered wallpaper. It shouldn’t be this easy for Nina to stop over-thinking things and just exist in the presence of this gorgeous person.

But it is. It is easy. That’s the worst part of it all.

Monét is laughing and grabbing for his arm (just like finale night in the other hotel bar) and there’s heat in Nina’s cheeks that isn’t just from the alcohol, and Monét’s lips are glistening and wet as he pulls the straw between them and sips every last bit of the cocktail into his mouth.

Nina swallows thickly, leans into the sound of Monét’s deep rumbling laugh, reaches for his knee when he starts to slip off the hotel barstool.

How many drinks are they in now? Four? Five? More? The room is spinning.

Nina is laughing. Light, airy. Not giggling exactly but laughing and his cheeks are burning and Monét is looking at him through narrowed eyes.

“Be careful, Nina West,” Monét says, and his voice is low and dangerous. “Be careful lookin’ at people like that. They might get… ideas.”

Nina’s breath hitches in his throat and he swallows hard. “Ideas?”

“I might get ideas.” Monét smiles crookedly; his eyes are half-closed and sleepy as he rests his chin on his hand and leans against the bar. “You never texted me.”

Nina’s so glad he’s drunk. So glad he missed his floor, even if it has led to this. Because this conversation, this thing has hung between them for the entirety of filming and it hasn’t been uncomfortable exactly (because they’re adults, thank you very much), but it hasn’t been wonderful either. And Nina more than anything wants to rewind back to May, go to lunch, talk about anything and everything and nothing with Monét until they fall back into hotel sheets and kiss and kiss and kiss until—

“Why didn’t you ever text me?”

Nina clears his throat. “I was… I… I wanted to.”

“But?” Monét’s eyes are wide and pleading now. Still glassy with the alcohol, but inquisitive, bright, waiting to see how Nina is going to explain himself.

Nina is too, to be honest.

So he shakes his head. “I don’t know. Honestly. I don’t have a good reason. I wanted to. I should have.”

Monét ducks his head, takes the paper straw from his drink and twirls it between his middle and ring finger. It sends tiny droplets of tequila sunrise all over the wooden bartop.

“I thought about that night a lot, Nina West,” Monét says quietly, wiping at the droplets with a damp beverage napkin. “I don’t do that. That’s not like me.”

“Me either,” Nina says.

Nina knows that if they were sober this would be a very different conversation. There would definitely be more emotions, there might even be some yelling (although that doesn’t really seem like Monét’s thing and he’s never been one to raise his voice, so maybe not). Either way, they aren’t sober, and now they’re the sleepy kind of drunk and exhausted, so they just sit there at the bar staring at each other, not sure what to say next.

“Why’d you pick me?” Nina finally asks. “For the competition? Because of… that night?”

Monét shrugs and pulls his credit card out of the back pocket of his jeans. “Just wanted to win, girl. That’s it.”

“Shit, I don’t have—”

Monét waves him off. “I got it. Consider it after-hours mentoring.”

Nina thanks him repeatedly as they stand (clumsily) and make their way out of the hotel bar (stumblingly) and back to the elevator. When the doors shut behind them, Nina has a brief flash of all the things that two consenting adults can get up to in an elevator (some of which he has seen in recent days). But no. No. They had their chance, right? The ship has sailed.

Nina’s room is a few floors beneath the mentors’ (apparently), so he steps off before Monét.

“Can you find your way back to your room?” Monét asks, and Nina wishes he could says ‘no. No, I’m going to get completely lost, no, I’ll fall down every two steps if I don’t have you holding me up. No, I need you to linger in my doorway, I need to panic about whether I should try to kiss you goodnight, I need to think about inviting you in.

(I wouldn’t. Of course I wouldn’t. So - unprofessional. But - it’d be nice to think about.)’

“Yeah.” He smiles. “I’ll manage.”

Monét grins. Nina likes to think there’s a bit of disappointment around the edges of it, but he’s also a couple drinks in, and wears the rosiest of glasses at the best of times.

“Thanks for the company and conversation, Nina West.”

Nina nods. Doesn’t touch him, doesn’t look over his shoulder at Monét as he leaves the elevator.

But he doesn’t go back to his room either.

He wanders the hotel. Presses the down button and gets on a different elevator a few minutes later.

Nina’s going to regret this tomorrow when he’s exhausted, but he just can’t imagine shutting himself in his dark little room and lying down right now. He’s vibrating, on edge. It’s a bad idea, because there’s nothing more depressing than a silent hotel after midnight - something about the lateness of the hour makes all the shine come off. Nina’s feet lead him down one hallway and down another, and he doesn’t realize he’s heading to their usual breakfast-conference room until he hears… music?

Yes, there’s definitely music coming out of there, the casual strumming of a stringed instrument that doesn’t have anywhere to go. Someone might be humming too, it’s hard to tell from a distance.

Nina follows the sound.

The door is open, just a bit, and all the lights are on. Sitting alone in the room is Trixie Mattel, bent in concentration over her autoharp.

Out of drag, she looks smaller, more vulnerable. It’s clear just how young she is. She’s picking at a tune, murmuring something under her breath. Nina suddenly feels a warm breeze against his skin, and the melody that Trixie’s playing becomes clearer, a delicate bluegrass riff that would be at home on Nina’s old Emmylou Harris or Linda Ronstadt records.

Along with the warm breeze comes a gust of dandelion seeds, floating through the hallway like tiny wisps of cotton. Nina feels like he’s alone with Trixie in the middle of a waving wheat field, sun-baked and desolate. He can smell the cracked soil beneath his feet, hear the sound of crickets chirping in time with Trixie’s brittle melody.

Oh no. That thing is happening again.

Trixie starts to sing:

“You’re the brightest star in any room.

I’m never lonelier than when I’m with you.

I miss something that’s never happened.

I miss a place I’ve never been to.”

Her voice is quiet at first, but it grows louder.

“There are some bridges that you cannot cross

Say it again ‘til I convince myself

But all this certainty it feels like loss.

I wouldn’t risk this much for no one else.”

Trixie gets to her feet, starts walking through the wheatfield as she sings the chorus.

“And there’s a wide field between us

How you traveled all those miles without me I don’t understand

I’m always on the edge of falling

And you could pull me over just by reaching out your hand

If you’d only take that chance.”

She keeps plucking at the harp, and Nina feels words welling up inside him, ready to spill from his mouth (when he starts singing, he’s thinking of Monét. Because of course he is.)

“This sort of thing, it don’t come easy

I never know just what to do or say

It feels impossible, believe me

That you would ever look at me that way.”

He thinks of Monét’s lips on Shangela’s after the Snatch Game. He thinks of Monét’s eyes on him at the bar. (“Be careful lookin’ at people like that, Nina West.”)

“There are some bridges that you cannot cross

I built up walls around this paper heart

But when I see you I forget it

All of the reasons we should be apart.”

Trixie harmonizes along with Nina as he sings the chorus.

“And there’s a wide field between us

How I traveled all these miles, baby, I don’t understand

I’m always on the edge of falling

And you could pull me over by just reaching out your hand

But could I ever take that chance?”

Nina sings the last line one more time, feeling the weight of his hopeless longing rising like a tide inside his chest. “If you’d only take that chance…”

“Nina?”

“Um.”

Trixie is sitting in the conference room, staring at him. She’s holding her autoharp but there’s no flowing wheatfields or whatever. Somehow Nina ended up in the doorway, just standing there. Fuck’s sake. Is he dissociating? Musically??? This is unbearable.

“How long have you been there?” Trixie asks, confused.

“Um, just got - here, so -” Nina’s face is probably turning bright red, and he’s hoping against that he hasn’t just been shouting song lyrics blankly at a terrified Trixie Mattel for the past few minutes. “Are you okay?”

Trixie winces. Then she nods.

“Yeah, of course. Just - yes. Couldn’t sleep. Figuring some - stuff out. You?”

“Just - you know. Having an emotional spiral.”

“Oh honey…” Trixie’s smiling but her voice is soft and sad. “My first perm was an emotional spiral, honey.”

Nina laughs in a brittle way, because 1) Trixie’s hilarious and 2) it’s obvious she’s trying to make him feel better.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not right now,” Trixie sighs, shakes her head. “But thanks.”

Nina leaves her to it. After - whatever that just was - he feels ready to crash at long last. He’s still a bit buzzed from the tequila, but his nervous energy has banked, and he heads back to his room. He’s ready to sleep, ready to deal with tomorrow when it gets here.

So of course, there’s someone waiting for him outside his room.

“Nina West.” Maya the P.A. gives him a slow, broad smile the moment he comes into view. “Found your way back, hey? Great. We need to talk.”

Interlude: Trixie

Conversation with:

swamp thing

i cunt believe i agreed to this

Fuck autocorrect CANT

It knows what you REALLY MEANT

It knew i was texting you and assumed

I’ll take it

You’ll take anything

I ain’t proud mama

I’m hunnnnnngry

For serious though, things okay there?

For serious serious

4 C-ri-us

GROSS

That’s gonna be my dj name

Please welcome to the stage

Why do I talk to you

Why do i even know you

Yes things are find its just weird

Being back on set

And like also runnign a business and

planning a tour and all of it. At least

they let us keep our phones

Must be hard being successful

I’m crying for you

I didn’t know you could still produce tears

I squeeze em out

Like milking a cow

Just need the right suction

Stop talking to me

What can you say that you won’t get sued for

I want drama

Who’s fisting who

Ha monet wishes she was fisting someone

Shes like middle school crushing on a queen here

Its kinda cute and sad

If love isn’t pathetic i don’t want it

And there’s last seasons whole thing

#branjie

sell those hats

That is not about hats

I saw them at a show in LA last summer

They’re fucked up in love, mama

IN LOVE???

Who even are you

I’m a person who has eyes

that can see things

Are they not together? They’re togther right?

NOPE

Are you fucking kidding

I don’t believe it

Since when are you this romantic

I’m not romantic

I have no romance in my bones

It’s just OBVIOUS

Well not to them

SO

Ahhhh the gays

When will we figure our shit out

Realize what’s right in front of us

You gone?

Yeah sorry

Going to pass out

Don’t die or anything

Whiel i’m gone

Aren’t you sweet

Conversation with:

sure thing

Doing anything fun tonight?

Or just missing me

Babe?

Ok sorry filming again

Call you on break

Do not let me do this again

I don’t care what they offer me

(id o care what they offer me)

Breaks over talk to you after?

How was your day?

Call me if you want

I’m done for the night

Just getting white girl wasted alone

In my hotel room

At the mini bar yes i’m that famous now

I’m gonna crash call me if you get this

Love u

Conversation with:

swamp thing

I dreamt that i was in a bsatroom

At mcdonalds that one you puked in

After the show in philadelphia

Do you remember? Probably not

And you were there and fucking

Gordon ramsay was there (!!!)

And he wad hitting on you

And i wasd so pissed off

And thrn this lady came in and was like

‘You can’t be in here, this is for ronald only” And i fully shot her with a GUN

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN TRACY

I just woke up and feel like a monster

She was just doing her job

Ronald mcdonald needs his private shitter

And i just killed her

I killed a living dream person

Thank you for sharing this with me

I feel so close to you right now

Yeah i don’t confess dream murder

to just ayone

But WHAT DOES IT MEAN???

Latent Ronald mcdonald fetish

Clearly

I’m not a doctor or anythng

But i’m sorry you’re dying

Yep yep makes sense

I always knew it would end like this

fuck/marry/kill

me/gordan ramsay/ronald mcD

(you wanna know what the D stands for)

No i want to sleep

For 3 more hours

But i’m on reality tv again

You should havw stopped me

Maybe this dream was a warning!

I’m supposed to save you

From endng up on Chopped

What did you dream about?

U have to tell me even if it’s sexy

That’s the law

Another teeth falling out one

Mama you know that’s my kink

Conversation with:

sure thing

Good morning sexy thing

I’m so tiiiiiired

Don’t make me get up yet

Hey are u alive?

Yes

Yay u r alive!

I called u yesterday night

And at lunch

U ok?

Did u get my messages?

yes

Ok

Can i call you?

I miss your voice

I cant talk right now

Sorry

Ok

I’ll call you tonight

After filming?

Sure

Love u gorgeous

Hey just called left a message

Give me a shout later

I miss you

Brian

Have you seen the pics

from the MTV Movie Awards?

Ummm ok

No i’ll look them up

Ok

Fuck my lashes are so uneven

U breaking up with me over lashes

Lol

U and kat are pretty cuddly

Haha

are u being serious

Ur joking

Are u ok? Can i call u?

I’m out right now

Call you when i get home

Ok

But we’ve talked about this before right

U know we’re friends

Me and Kat

We’re just friends

U know this

Yeah i have lots of friends

And we don’t hold hands and kiss eachother

All the fucking time

So we’re fdoing this over text?

Is that what we’re doing

No i’ll call u later

Call me ok? I love u

U cannot be jealous of katya

She’s my Business Partner

And it’s DRAG

We touch each otehr all the time

We all do

Gotta go call u later

Conversation with:

swamp thing

Can we talk?

Not if ur busy

Let me just stop blowing this senator

And kick the clowns out

And get thes handcuffs off

No i’m not worth it

Keep these good things goin

It was winding down anyway

Gettin awkward

I have yoga tomorrow

Whats up pussycat

This is gonna sound really weird

Have you seen the pics of us

from the movie awwrds

Probably blocked them out

why????

am i like a troll

No more than usual

David texted me about them

And he’s all pissed off??

Because of us holding hands

Like so so stupid right

WHAT???!

Thats crazy!

Im so sorry

This isn’t the handmaids tale

He can calm his tits

(sorry, not to attack him just) Has he seen our shows??

What did you tell him

To fucking call me!!!

And he hasn’t

And i’m on this stupid set and can’t just go

See him and convince him how crazy he is

I’m so sorry

Do you want me to call him

I’ll call him

Tell me what to say

No don’t

Don’t worry

Its fine

I’ll talk to him

Conversation with:

swamp thing

Hey are you awake

If youre awake call me

david and I are done

over the phone

FUN

sorry you’re clearly asleep

I’m just a little drunk

brian

he said some things

that ive been thinking about

maybe call me tomorrow if u can

guess ill see you soon anyway

dont die while im gone

miss u

[bigskydreaming]

There’s just...there’s just so much I need to know!

Are all the Academy X kids back? DJ? Kidogo? Loa? Wallflower? Blindfold? OMG IS TAG BACK, SHOW ME JULIAN REUNITING WITH HIS BFF, DEAD FOR YEARS AND NOW BROUGHT BACK TO LIFE.

There’s just...imagine, an entire class of mutant teenagers who were all tragically killed and now are resurrected into this new world that’s so different from the one they last saw, like everything’s changed in the blink of an eye. What’s that even LIKE? How do they feel about owing their return and resurrection to one of their own former classmates, who’s now part of this group of five mutants revered on Krakoa with idol-like status as the ones who like...defeated death for the mutant race? How do all the kids who died on M-Day like Hydro, never even having time to know what happened, feel about learning about the Decimation and why they died in the first place? How do the kids who died on the bus like DJ feel, trying to reconnect with their classmates like Julian and Cessily and Santos who have been through SO MUCH since they last saw them, literally lived through wars and the threat of extinction and are so changed now by experiences they can’t ever (hopefully won’t ever) be able to relate to?

Is Jay Guthrie back? What’s it like for Sam and Paige and the rest of their siblings to suddenly have him back? What does Sooraya feel about this? How do she and Jay interact now? How does the every mutant is automatically a citizen of Krakoa thing work....all the Guthrie kids are mutants, but their mom Lucinda isn’t...is she allowed to come and go, according to Krakoa law? There must be exceptions made for some humans to live on Krakoa, surely, given that Corsair is part of one of the Dawn of X line-ups....who makes the distinction and how?

Speaking of the Summers, what’s up with Gabe’s resurrection? How does that work? Does he remember everything, and his past crimes are forgiven on the basis of the amnesty law, so long as he plays nice? Or did Xavier take advantage of being the man who puts all the mutant minds back in their shiny new bodies and conveniently rearrange a few memories regarding why Gabe hates him so much, and now Gabe gets along with everyone just fine?

OMG ARE PETRA AND SWAY BACK AND IF NOT WHY NOT.

What about Kevin Ford aka Wither? Selene was one of the mutant villains granted amnesty when she came to Krakoa, does that mean her former pawns are granted the same resurrection treatment as any other mutant, and if so, how does Kevin feel about being resurrected by Josh....the very person who killed him in the first place?

Oooh, and Clarice....not to mention Jono. What’s it like for some of the more heroic descendants of Clan Akkaba to now be living on the same island as their long distant villainous ancestor, Apocalypse himself?

Speaking of Apocalypse, anyone else catch that bit of gossip from Bar Sinister about how gladly Apocalypse would trade in any of his later Horsemen for his original four....with Hickman having made a big deal about alluding to some long ago war Apocalypse and his original Horsemen waged on Krakoa against some other dimensional foes.....with those Horsemen dying or imprisoning themselves to stop them? Who wants to bet that was to set up a storyline where like, maybe part of Apocalypse’s conditions for working with Xavier and Magneto on all of this was to have his original Horsemen resurrected as well somehow? Like SOMETHING’S going to happen there.

Oooh ooh ooh......what about the fact that ALL OF LOGAN’S 13378427842 dead mutant children are now potentially alive again? CLAN SNIKT? ADRIAN CORBO? WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF JIMMY?

And and and and and they better fucking bring back Chris Bradley and I will literally pledge my firstborn if somebody writes in a scene where Bobby Drake gets to see his little buddy alive and well again, sans Legacy Virus. Look, it doesn’t matter that I’m probably never going to have a firstborn, its the thought that counts, shh, its allowed.

What about Magneto’s original Acolytes, the ones who died when Asteroid M crashed? Chrome, Delgado and Anne-Marie, etc? What might their reactions be upon say, running into Traitor McBetrayal, Fabian Cortez?

IS SIENA BLAZE BACK OMG PLZ LET SIENA BE BACK I WILL....crap, already pledged my firstborn. Ugh, second is the best?

SPEAKING OF....I forget what launched this tangential thought but Mikhail Rasputin anyone? HIS BABY SISTER IS ONE OF THE FOUR WAR CAPTAINS OF KRAKOA, LIKE...TALK ABOUT *SCREEECH* WAIT, SAY WHAT? REVELATIONS TO WAKE UP TO.

Just how long are they gonna tease the whole ‘no but really there’s ANOTHER Summers brother’ plotline this time?

OMG are Emplate, the M twins and Monet all supposed to play happy family in a shared environment, holy shit could you imagine the epic staredowns everytime Marius and Monet run into each other in like Krakoa’s town square or the market or something and Jubilee just stage whispers “Awkwaaaaard.”

Holy shit, how are Ev and Angelo going to react to coming back to life and discovering that Jubes is now a MOM???

What about depowered mutants we haven’t seen get their powers back yet, are they all repowered now thanks to Hope? Is Dallas Gibson on Krakoa, shadow powers intact? What about Shola and Freakshow and Wicked, aka the only interesting characters Claremont has invented in 30 years, no, Lifeguard and Slipstream DO NOT COUNT.

WHAT DOES ALL OF THIS HAVE TO DO WITH THE RETURN OF THE 2099 UNIVERSE IN A COUPLE MONTHS, LIKE HOW ARE THE X-MEN 2099 and X-NATION GONNA LINE UP WITH ALL OF THIS?

And will we get Twilight and Clarion and December back, and finally some kind of answer on whether December is a descendant of Bobby or Emma or both?

Is Leon Nunez, the REAL mutant behind Ink’s powers, a resident of Krakoa because the amnesty law got him out of jail and did he take the power back from that LOSER and did Ink get his stupid ass kicked to the curb because everyone was like lol nobody even likes you and you’re not even a mutant, go be an Avenger ITS WHERE YOU BELONG?

Probably not, but look a guy can dream.

What’s St. John gonna think about this new twink running around using his name, HE’S the only real flamer in town! Or is he just not gonna care, and retire to spend his time resuming his career as a romance novelist? (THIS IS CANON, I DID NOT MAKE THIS UP).

Most importantly, WHAT THE HELL IS THE PREMISE OF THE MARAUDERS BOOK AND WILL I LIKE IT AND WILL BOBBY BE WRITTEN WELL AND SINCE IT HAS SOMETHING TO DO WITH THE HELLFIRE CLUB AND EMMA’S A KEY PART OF THE BOOK WILL WE GET CHRISTIAN THERE TOO AND WITH SIMON AS PART OF THE MARAUDERS LINEUP WILL I FINALLY GET THE CHRISTIAN/BOBBY/FIRE-GUY-EVEN-IF-SIMON-IS-A-SUBPAR-SUBSTITUTE-FOR-JOHNNY LOVE TRIANGLE I NEED AND DESERVE?

OMG and Daken’s on Krakoa too, oh shit, is Bobby gonna finally get to be the hot girl? So many gays, so little time...whoops, Bobby can make clones of himself too.....oh shit did I make it weird, WHO CARES, BOBBY HAS POTENTIAL LOVE INTERESTS NOW, PLURAL, NOT SINGULAR, HUZZAAAAAAAAH.

And also all the other stuff is still interesting too. But like. Bobby boyfriend. Make it happen.

[neverwatchedonepiece]

618: "Raid! An Assassin from Dressrosa!"

The whole squad catch up at the end of arc wrap party!

Back from the trip, so it’s business as usual again. Will do one episode a post until I get back into the old routine. Will also catch up with all replies this week. The reason I didn’t post yesterday was because I am way too excited about the RE2 remake and watched my first ever Twitch stream. If anyone has any recommendations for good streamers playing the RE2 remake, please pass them on. :)

As for this episode of OP, it follows on from 617 but feels even less like an ending, as Oda is introducing new characters directly and also some new contexts via Caesar’s DDM stream to the brokers. More than ever, Punk Hazard now feels like a prelude of plots to come (this is a good thing because I cannot handle endings).

Plus, I’m sensing another *wild ride* coming up. Haven’t had the joy since Water 7′s Sea Train, so looking forward to that truck busting out of Punk Hazard. :D

Best Captain

The action picked up where 617 left off. We had a lovely shot of Caesar tanking that massive double punch. But this time, we saw Caesar flying down a rather long tunnel, unconscious and out of sight.

The whole “out of sight” thing would turn out to be... not ideal.

Caesar’s Live-Stream DDM picked up Caesar getting his ass handed to him. The Brokers were disturbed by the turn of events. “What the hell? Is this what they call a public experiment? He kicked Caesar’s ass!” one shouted. Tamago turned to Pekoms and warned that, “Mom should hear about this right away.” 

Another guy in an Abraham Lincoln hat said to a nearby messenger, “Joker is going to take action. Let Jack know about this.” When the messenger said, “Are you sure? It’s not going to be pretty,” he replied, “I think they’ve made an alliance. Let the world know. This is not just an underground problem anymore.”

That one was interesting. I have no idea who Jack is, but he seems a cranky, “head guy” type too. Whoever top hat guy is was important enough to be allowed to deal with plot exposition. (Unless he’s filler, in which case....)  One potential theory: a Jack is a type of card, as is the Joker. Might Jack be connected to Joker? Who knows? Well, you guys do, but that goes without saying.

But the fact the mess on Punk Hazard has been broadcast all over the New World does mean the whole “shaking up the New World” part of Law’s plan was a huge success. Everyone is now after their blood. Love it.

To be honest, I hope Law has a crew to return to after this because I am still wondering where the hell they have been hiding all this time.

At least we know where the other Strawhats are. Usopp played another blinder. He has gone through some major but subtle development this arc. Up in the Secret Room, Usopp took charge of the control panel and communications. He could see the other Strawhats running for cover to the R Building. He spotted Chopper and Mocha first, then Nami and the others. He gave them directions and encouragement. Excellent. 

Not only that, Usopp also is also, if I am not mistaken, about to act as a leader to directionless, crestfallen, used and abused Minions. One guy lamented, “I can’t believe Master was such an awful person. Who will we trust now?”

Usopp. That’s who. The guy who is about to lead you out of the crumbling lab building - though only after he ensures everyone else is on the right track. Not only does Usopp earn major brave points, he also earns leadership points.

I also like how the other Strawhats can act as leaders to other people when Luffy is not around. Nami guided all the kids out. Sanji took charge of the G5 guys. Brook dragged Kinemon out of the gas when the idiot went running in, thinking his spirit would carry him through anything (nope) and Chopper calmed him down and told him what was happening. And Usopp guided them all.

What a guy.

The only two he didn’t help out were Law and Smoker. They already had another plan in the works.

Smoker Has Been Watching Too Much Marie Kondo

Just when Tashigi was wondering whether Smoker had prevailed in his battle with Vergo, he rocked up to Building R with Law! Three cheers for the existence of “the enemy of my enemy is my (temporary) friend!”

Between them, they dragged a SAD truck, the kind, Law said, that had been used to transport the lucrative substance off Punk Hazard. Law’s plan was to let everyone jump on and they would ride that truck off into the sunset together. Good plan, I thought. Since that building is crumbling faster than an overdunked biscuit, it’s gonna be a wild ride.

When they entered Building R, Luffy was there to greet them. “Tra-guy! Smokey! Didn’t expect you to come from that way!”

Of course, Law is a pragmatist. Concerned about his plan, he glanced round and noticed an important factor was missing. 

“Where’s Caesar?” he asked Luffy.

“I kicked his ass and he got blown that way. How far did he go?”

Law was not pleased. “Our plan was to kidnap him!”

“But I don’t wanna catch that bastard anymore.”

I could hear Law’s internal sigh of despair. “That was the plan whether you like it or not. What are you going to do if he runs?”

“Who cares about that jerk!” Luffy scoffed.

“You think you can just change a plan as you like. I shouldn’t have trusted you. I need to get him.”

At this point, I don’t think Law regretted entering an alliance with the Strawhats. He was maybe regretting trusting Luffy with the whole kidnap part, as it is a delicate operation requiring laying aside morals and grudges for a sneakier purpose. That’s not Luffy’s strong point. He is a straightforward, loyal and faithful kind of guy.

That’s why when Nami looked back and asked Luffy if he thought Chopper, Usopp and Brook were alright, Luffy stared straight ahead and said, determinedly, “I’m sure they’ll get here.”

Meanwhile, outside the lab a couple of others had managed to get there too.

Well, they got close.

Two New Challengers Enter!

Baby 5 and Buffalo were back, sent by Doflamingo to retrieve Caesar. Baby was still mad about the whole fiance situation. Apparently, Doflamingo killed her “sweet fiance” by burning down an entire town. The weirdly hilarious thing? He has done this eight times.

Reminds me of that line from Chicago: “he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife ten times.”

But did this guy have it coming?

Yeah....... he kinda did. 

Buffalo (who must have eaten a DF because he is a freaking plane right now) said that Doflamingo did it because he loves Baby like a sister, so he doesn’t begrudge destroying an entire town. Why is Doflamingo like this? Turns out Baby has a hard time saying no to guys she thinks “need her”. She lends too much money and has major 98 million debt. The last guy who proposed to her was majorly skeezy and only after Baby for what he could get out of her. So Doflamingo must have taken him out, just like the others.

That was interesting because, in a very weird, brutal way, Doflamingo is looking out for his useful crew members. You guys have mentioned that Doflamingo was inspired cartels or the mafia. Now I can see it. There’s the “young Master” term they all use to address him, the older people working for him, and now he loves Baby “like a sister.” 

But still, this guy is a villain, so it’ll be a business type family. If you cross him, there’s no way he’d let you away with it. I expect Law knows this and that’s why he was so careful.

While flying over Punk Hazard, they noticed right away that the Shinokuni gas was a problem. Buffalo used a “typhoon-like power” to blow away some of the clouds. This revealed a SAD tanker docked at port. Since they were travelling when Luffy kicked Caesar’s ass on TV, they didn’t know what had happened. They decided to wait until Caesar, Monet and Vergo escaped.

Then there was a loud whoosh, a flash, and a sparkling KABOOM as Caesar tore through the air and slammed into the tanker.

An unorthodox entry, but I liked it. Maybe knock a point off for grace and finesse, but the speed was impressive.

As soon as I saw Caesar sprawled on the dock, I facepalmed. “Luffy,” I thought, “you have just handed them Caesar!”

And that is exactly what Doflamingo thought too.

Buffalo checked in with the boss and was given a new set of orders.

“Joker! This is Buffalo from Punk Hazard. We’ve just arrived but Master Caesar was blown out of the building, injured.”

Doflamingo was shocked, but only for a split second. The guy recovers quickly from setbacks. “Recover Caesar immediately and come back to Dressrosa.”

“Okay,” Buffalo answered. “We’ll recover Caesar. What about Monet and Vergo?”

I didn’t hear Doflamingo’s answer, but Baby said, “There must be a reason. Do as he says.”

I’m guessing Doflamingo has cut Vergo and Monet loose. They are on their own now. Damn, this guy is ruthless. Even Vergo, who served him so faithfully for decades is not immune. The message here is: if you are no longer useful, you are done.

Luckily for Caesar, he’s one of the most useful guys in the OPverse, as Doflamingo himself admitted in a private, villainous monologue.

“Hey, Squirts. Luck is on *my* side. As long as I have Caesar in my custody, he can create SAD for me.”

And this was why Law was so irritated that Luffy had let Caesar out of his sight.

This could go one of two ways. Caesar will slip away from the Strawhat/Heart Pirates alliance and they will be forced to storm Dressrosa to retrieve him. Or the certain robotic someone who has just shrieked back into the plot will save their asses and help them kidnap Caesar. Then Doflamingo will go after them directly.

This is getting good! :D

Franky is back: freshly waxed and ready to fire.