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shes-soparticular · 6 years ago

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Wouldn’t Fall for Someone I Thought Couldn’t Misbehave

Let’s just say jealousy gets the best of Shawn when he takes you to see one of your favorite musicians.

Warning(s): Heavy Smut.

A/N: Listened to Pillowtalk one too many times and then this happened.

Words: 4425

You're buzzing. Exiting the venue, the cool Toronto air provides a welcome reprieve from the flush you'd worked up dancing over the past few hours. In fact, your hips still have a little more swing than usual, the words from your favorite song still falling softly from your lips as you lean into your boyfriend. It's not until you lose your grip on his hand that you realize he's a half step in front of you. Then a full stride. Then several. You try increasing your pace, but between your short legs and the painfully high heels on the boots you're wearing, there's no way you're catching up. You always have to tell Shawn to slow down, and he always does his best, but tonight you suddenly realize his strides are purposeful. For the first time over the course of the night, you notice the tension in his jaw, in his shoulders. To be honest, you have no idea what has him in this sudden funk. As far as you're concerned, you'd both had a good time. He'd surprised you with Hozier tickets, one of your favorite musicians, and had seemed equally as excited to take you as you'd been excited to go. Reaching the car, your mind replays the evening, trying to pick out the moment that things took a turn for the worse. Maybe it's the gin and tonic clouding your mind but all you seem to recall is singing at the top of your lungs and being giddy as hell to briefly meet Hozier after the show. Settling into your seat, you instinctively reach for Shawn's right hand. He obliges, but only limply, and his eyes remain trained on the windshield.

"Did you have a good time, baby? Thanks for taking me." Maybe you're misreading the situation? Maybe after the long week of rehearsals he had, he's just tired. But the possibility of exhaustion being the only problem quickly dissolves as he pulls his hand out of yours and grips the steering wheel so tight you notice his knuckles turning white.

"Yeah, you're welcome." It's an innocent enough sentence, but his tone is short and sarcastic. You look over at him through narrowed eyes, half taken aback by his response and half perplexed as to the cause for the attitude.

"Okay wait, what the hell is this all about?" You gesture up and down his body, implying his demeanor. "What did I miss?"

"Really?" He scoffs, finally throwing you a sideways glance. "You really don't know?" Fact of the matter is, you're usually adept at reading people. Especially Shawn. After a year together, you can spot a fake smile from a mile away, can pinpoint the emotion in his voice with ease. But you're also not a mind reader, and tonight, you're completely lost as to how the two of you managed to have a wildly different experience whilst standing next to one another.

"No, help me out here. You're giving me all this attitude and I'm fairly certain I don't deserve it." Of course you guys have petty fights about things from time to time. Just last month you'd had a total blow out about him leaving dirty socks all over the apartment, he'd called you a nag, and he spent two nights on the couch before you both finally came to your senses. The important thing was that you always managed to make up, usually quickly, and always fiercely. In your opinion, relationships without disagreements were simply a result of apathy. Luckily, you two were anything but apathetic.

"So you think you should be allowed to totally eye fuck another guy and I'm not supposed to notice or care? That it?" Your head immediately whips to look at him, mouth wide. His bicep tenses as he grips the steering wheel even tighter. Even though you have no clue where he's getting this from, you know it's about to be one long night.

"Eye fuck? Who did I eye fuck? Hozier?" You're actually starting to burst into laughter now, which, cruelly you know is the absolute worst thing you could do in this situation. Even if he's wrong, even if you're going to prove that, laughing at his anger is only going to pour gasoline on the fire. "Calm down. I didn't eye fuck him. All I did was tell him I enjoyed the show. Am I not allowed to look someone in the eyes when I speak to them? Are you aware I can speak to another man without it being remotely sexual?" Now your blood is starting to boil. The double standard between you and Shawn has always been a sore spot in your relationship. Possibly even the biggest piece of baggage between the two of you.

"Are you kidding me? You were fawning over him. Touching his arm, going on and on about how much you love his new album. About how amazing his performance was. If I hadn't been holding on to your waist, you probably would have jumped him right then and there." He's still refusing to look your way, even as you shift completely in your seat to face him. Taking in his words, you're starting to put two and two together. This may be partially about some kind of perceived sexual indiscretion, but it's about so much more than that. Shawn was accustomed to YEARS of millions of girls fawning over him. Complimenting him. Wanting him. What he wasn't used to was seeing you fangirl over someone else, no matter how innocent. While this revelation should soften your heart a bit with the understanding that your man is just feeling less than, the opposite seems to happen. Your stomach tightens in frustration. This double. Fucking. Standard.

"First of all, I'm into his music, that's it. More importantly, girls touch you EVERY DAY. Every day. All over you. Holding your hands, touching your hair, pressing their faces against yours. We can't even make it to a dinner reservation on time because of your selfie rule. And I just have to grin and bear it, day in and day out. You think that's easy?" You're on a roll, maybe it’s the gin speaking, but this is all coming from a deeper place. A place you've always done your best to compartmentalize. "Don’t you dare come at me like this, because I was nice to some guy. I didn't do anything."

"It makes me wonder what you'd do if I wasn't there." His statement comes out quietly, but still dripping with resentment. "It makes me wonder what you do while I'm on tour." You're genuinely shocked that he just took it there. You've never been disloyal, you've never given him any reason not to trust you. So this fucking stings. You're not the one being literally followed to your hotel by the opposite sex across the world, you're not the one receiving screams of admiration simply for breathing. In what universe are you the one on trial for potential cheating?

"I'm not entertaining this anymore." He's struck such a chord in you that you don't even want to bother articulating your thoughts any longer. For the remainder of the drive, you glue your eyes to the road. In the midst of the heavy silence, he reaches for the radio dial and flips it on. As if the cosmos are playing some sick joke, the DJ introduces a Hozier song after mentioning that night's concert. His latest hit starts drifting through the speakers and because you’re clearly an unapologetic masochist, you reach out and turn up the volume. With the way this fight has progressed, you half expect Shawn to pull over right then and there and make you walk the final blocks home. You know he'd literally never do that, his prince charming complex would never allow it, but you're betting the thought is crossing his mind. Instead he just sets his jaw and pretends not to notice the song. Not to notice you singing along and drumming your fingers on the exposed skin of your thigh between your boots and your skirt. It's a sultry song and you close your eyes, head back as your hips start to move along to the music, ever so subtly. You know this is going to drive him up the wall and frankly, you don't care. Tonight you're going to match his pettiness.

He doesn't say a word the rest of the ride. Luckily, you reach the parking garage just as the song ends. At least now you can both retreat to different sides of the apartment until whatever this is blows over. The elevator ride takes an eternity, you wouldn't be surprised if the universe threw another curveball and stalled the elevator, trapping you in this fight. But eventually you make it to your floor and while Shawn is off in a flash towards the door, you take your time, making him hold the door open a little too long. As he waits, you notice his eyes travel down your body, focusing on the patch of bare skin between your skirt and thigh high boots. There's a familiar flash in his eyes and you know that tonight is going to take yet another turn. Disturbingly, your lower stomach tightens in anticipation of whatever is about to take place after that door shuts behind the both of you. You're still fuming, but no amount of anger can prevent you from going weak in the knees when he looks at you like that.

The truth of the matter is, you may be a fan, his biggest in your humble opinion, but you’d never been a stan. Before you two met, you'd certainly heard of him. Songs like Stitches and There's Nothing Holding Me Back were staples in your commute playlist but so were hundreds of other songs. Being a full five years older, you were just in a different place in your life when he first arrived on the scene. You were starting a career, living in a new city on your own, and you were past the days of following boy bands. Hell, Shawn would have been legitimate jailbait and thus wasn’t really on your radar. Nevertheless, this was what made your relationship work. There was still an element of mystery when you first met, in fact he was enamored by the fact that you didn’t know every last detail about him. No, you treated him like a normal guy. You called him on his bullshit when necessary. Most importantly, you were secure. You had your own identify. You knew what you wanted. You could take care of yourself. You were strong. You weren’t the shrinking violet of a girlfriend who needed constant reassurance, who picked apart every comment on social media, who worried about what the world thought. In your eyes, you were just two completely normal (sometimes boring) people in love, one of which happened to have a unique career. No more, no less.

You’re expecting him to brush past you and park himself in front of his X-Box, but instead his hips push into yours until your back hits the kitchen island. His eyes meet yours for a moment, his hands ready and waiting at the bottom of your skirt. Without words, you know exactly what he’s asking when his gaze goes that impossibly dark. Ever the gentleman, he even finds a way to ask permission before completely railing you. Returning his gaze with a slight nod, his hands resume their path further up your thighs. His callused fingers hook into the sides of your panties and roughly drag the red fabric downwards without warning. They skim down your thighs and land at the top of your boots. “Red panties? Really? And I’m the one just imagining things?” His voice is gruff, matching the intensity of his hands. Before you can shoot back a sarcastic retort, he has a firm grip on your hips, spinning you around with one quick movement. The sudden maneuver almost makes you lose your balance, but your hands catch the edge of the counter top just in time. Considering the fact that you can hardly ever shut up, you’re still thinking of a comeback as you hear him unbuckle his belt behind you and the telltale sound of his zipper traveling south. You clench at the sound, cursing yourself under your breath for the wetness he’s about to find. You want to have the upper hand, to be immune to his advances. But your body betrays you just the way it always does. While he hitches the bottom of your skirt up over your hips, you feel his cock pressing against your center. How the hell did he get that hard that fast?? And why is it that jealousy seems to get you two this goddamn horny? You’re sure that’s a question for your therapist, but right now, all you know is that your body will absolutely burst into flames if he’s not balls deep inside you immediately. “Are you going to fuck me or wh-”

Before you’re able to finish the sentence, he pushes into you with such force your words twist into a strangled moan. He immediately sets a punishing pace, slamming into you repeatedly while his fingers white knuckle your hips the way they had the steering wheel. Your clothed chest presses against the counter, the cool marble providing slight relief to your burning skin. There’s no kisses to your shoulder, no hushed affirmations or words of admiration, just pure, animalistic fucking. He’s claiming his territory even though you both know there’s no need. You’re so completely, miserably, passionately his. But tonight, the vision of you dancing and singing like a fangirl for someone else? It’s unlocked a deep insecurity in him and clearly, as a man, the only way he can deal with it is to fuck it out of his system. Somehow, his thrusts speed up even faster as he grabs one of your shoulders for leverage and you swear to god your vision is starting to go black. Even though he’s very, very cruelly ignoring your clit (this is a punishment, after all), he angles your hips so that his cock drives into your g spot relentlessly. You can hear yourself moaning, but it’s all intelligible nonsense. As your body climbs toward orgasm, you start pushing your ass back into him, trying to return the thrusts. When you’re about to tumble over the edge of your climax, you feel him spill inside of you, his hips flush against your ass. He pulls out with the final twitch of his release, and even though your head is swimming, you know exactly why. This skirt, those panties, these boots? He wants to mark them. The next time you wear them, he doesn’t want you to think about the Hozier concert. He wants you to think about being fucked hard over the kitchen counter and his cum dripping out of you and staining that skirt, those panties, these boots. And he’ll definitely get his way.

Without a word, Shawn lets go of you and disappears to the bathroom, leaving you alone and bewildered. Not to mention totally high and (not so) dry. You’re not going to let him get away with this, no, but all things in due time. You know better than to try to reason with him again right now, while you’re both pumped full of adrenaline. So instead you pull your panties back up, kick off those damn boots, and get to making yourself a sandwich.

Shawn went straight from the shower to bed, while you stayed up and absent mindedly scrolled through Netflix. Despite being painfully wide awake, you eventually strip down and crawl into bed next to him. His back is turned to you and though he appears to be asleep, you know better. Running your finger tip down his spine softly, you press your cheek to his back. “Hey.” Your voice is barely above a whisper. “Do you want to talk about it?” You see him take in a deep breath and you know he’s trying to decide whether or not to open this can of worms. “We don’t have to tonight, but neither of us can sleep. So. Let’s not go to bed angry?”

He finally glances over his shoulder and shifts on to his back. You’re used to being completely intertwined in those sheets, a mess of arms and legs and your body aches for his. “I don’t really know what to say. I know this is stupid. But it just. How am I supposed to stack up against an artist like that?” Unfortunately, you know what he means. Shawn is wildly successful and his credibility increases by the day. But it’s next to impossible for him to shake that “teen popstar” label and seeing you go apeshit for a deep, bluesy artist didn’t help his confidence.

“You don’t need to. You’re you. You’re amazingly talented. Don’t compare yourself to anyone else, there’s no need.” You pull his hand between both of yours, lacing your fingers together. “I love you. I love your music. Nobody can do what you do. Just because I enjoy other artists doesn’t mean you’re not my number one. You know what your music does to me.” You place a tentative kiss on the hollow of his neck, inching yourself closer.

“I know, I do. But seeing you so in awe of him made me feel less than.” He rolls onto this side to look you in the eyes. This time, those brown eyes are soft and pleading. A complete 180 from the look he’d given you just hours ago. “I just want to be enough for you.”

Those words shatter your heart. How could he think he wasn’t enough? He’s your whole world. “Baby, you never have to worry about that.” Reaching up, you pull his face towards yours, placing a soft and sweet kiss on his lips. “As long as you stay you, that’s more than enough for me.” You can feel his body relax against yours, finally releasing the tension he’d been carrying all night. It’s an instant weight off of your shoulders. When you love someone, you carry their pain right along with them. Except for one thing, you’re still carrying some tension of the sexual variety.

“I’m sorry if I ruined your night, I shouldn’t have acted like such a jealous asshole.” His hand finds its way to your hair, cupping the back of your head. “I always have to be so careful of what I say and do, but with you, I just lose control. You’re dangerous.” He laughs softly, that gorgeous smile of his finally making an appearance. As much as part of you still wants to lay into him about that chauvinistic parade earlier, your heart has completely melted. “What can I do to make it up to you?”

Your eyebrow instantly raises at the possibilities. All of the boyfriend chores you’ve been begging him do, the obligatory trip to visit your parents, getting him to agree to binge watch the Bachelor with you…all good punishment ideas. But there’s really only one thing you have on your mind. With a sinister grin, you move to your knees and straddle his waist. “I can think of one thing.” You say, snapping the band of his boxer briefs. “I can’t believe you didn’t let me come earlier.”

His smile turns sheepish at your statement, oh so self-satisfied. He moves his hands to your hips, ready to roll you over and pay the orgasm he owes you, but you quickly grab his wrists to stop him. “Nope. I have a demand first.”

“A demand, eh? Alright, let’s hear it.” There’s a smug look on his face, but you already know he’s not going to be pleased with your contingency.

“You can’t touch me.” The minute the words leave your lips, his eyebrows knit in confusion. “I’m going to use you like you used me earlier. An eye for an eye.” Disobeying you, his fingers momentarily grip your hips harder, not wanting to let go. “I’m serious. Hands off. Otherwise I’m just going to sleep.” By now you can already feel his erection straining against the material separating the two of you. You don’t know how in the world he manages to get hard so fast, but you’ve always been deeply grateful. When you don’t always have the most time with your significant other, time is of the essence.

Hearing the determined tone in your voice, he reluctantly drops his hands to the bed. With a devious smirk, you rock backwards so that your ass is firmly pressed to his crotch. You continue moving your hips back and forth, painfully slow, as you reach up to rid yourself of your shirt. You see his fists clench as your breasts fall free, knowing he’s dying to reach up and brush his thumbs over your dusky nipples. “See? It’s not so hard not to touch.” Running your hands up your sides, you cup your own breasts, head falling back as you give them a soft squeeze. Meanwhile, you grind your pelvis harder into his, a wet spot growing on your panties and betraying you once again. Although you want to act like you’re unphased, like you could dry hump all night long and stay in control of yourself, you both know that isn’t true. You’ve been waiting for this orgasm for hours and as terribly as you want to make him pay for his bad behavior, your pussy is in absolute objection. Sometimes that chick just has a mind and agenda of her own. You make quick work of the under garments dividing the two of you and perch yourself over his length. Rather than sinking down, you stop yourself centimeters short. Reaching down, you delicately press two fingers to your clit, rubbing yourself in soft, slow circles. Through hooded eyes, you see Shawn straining not to touch you, his hands balled in the sheets.

“Okay, that’s not fucking fair, babe.” His hands start to reach for your hips, but you once again grab his wrists. Leaning forward to pin them on either side of his head.

“I said no hands. If you can’t follow that order, I’ll get myself off.” He knows you’re PROBABLY not serious, but he doesn’t want to risk it. “Can I trust you?” Frustrated, he nods and returns his hands to his sides. With a wink, you return your fingers to your clit, dipping your hips just enough for the tip of his cock to enter you. But only the tip. You keep repeating this sway of your hips, only taking an inch at a time before letting him slip back out. He’s got the most tortured look on his face and you’re taking mental pictures to keep you company on the lonely tour nights. Just as you see his hands start to move towards you again, you sink all the way down, feeling that delicious stretch as he’s filling you to the hilt. A deep moan that sounds vaguely like your name escapes him and it’s by far your favorite sound in the entire world. You place your hands on his chest for leverage as you start to move your hips with more intention. You keep your pace a bit slower than the frenzied fuck he’d given you earlier, but the languid rolling of your hips is just as punishing. Leaning back, you let him take in the sight of you, his cock disappearing into your pink folds, your hair brushing across your nipples. As much as you want to remember this night the next time you’re in bed alone, you want him to remember too. Want him to yearn for it. For you. Before you know it, you feel your muscles burn with exertion. A piece of you is already regretting this whole “no touching” rule, but you need to make your point. Reaching down once more, you focus pressure on your clit, your eyes on his. Normally, you’d be talkative, telling him how big he felt inside of you, how hard you were going to come. But tonight you wanted your bodies to speak for themselves. Why let words get in the way? Your movements become less deliberate and it’s a frantic race towards your orgasm. Falling forward, you dig your nails into his biceps fully intent on leaving marks. He’s leaving on the next leg of his tour soon and you want all of those screaming girls to see your scratches appearing from under those goddamn tank tops. You want to make it clear that this man is thoroughly fucked by his girl back home, his girl with the particular taste. With that thought firmly in your head, you finally reach your climax, panting as you dig even harder into his skin.

“Holy shit, please, can I touch you now?” You hear Shawn whine from beneath you. Too spent to form words, you nod slightly as one of his hands snakes behind to grab hold of your thigh as the other presses against your back, bringing you flush against his chest. He drives upward into you for several more strokes, bringing on a second wave of your orgasm to join with his. You don’t like to exaggerate, but you could swear you maybe, possibly blacked out for a second only to come to as Shawn pushed his lips to yours. It’s the first time you’ve kissed since the concert and you would never say it out loud, but it in and of itself might be even better than all of the jealousy sex. There’s just something to be said about a makeup kiss, it can’t be matched.

Both covered in sweat and still trying to catch your breath, you nuzzle into his neck, a smile plastered on your face. His arms encircle you, holding you tightly. For no particular reason other than the absurdity of your relationship, you both start to laugh softly, peppering kisses across one another the way you should have hours ago. “If you thought tonight was bad, just wait until you take me to see Justin Timberlake.” You prop yourself up slightly so he can see you wiggle your eyebrows.

“Don’t even joke honey, you know my soft heart can’t take it.” And with that, he rolls you on to your back, lips capturing yours once more. You have a feeling the night isn’t over quite yet…and you couldn’t be happier.

#shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes #shawn mendes fic #warning: smut

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littlekidsteve · 6 years ago

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Spooky-spooks and I love you.

Inspired by this Anon.

Shawn Mendes X best friend to lovers!POC!reader

(Please note that most of my fan fictions are mainly aimed at darker readers unless stated any photos used are mainly there for reference, thank you for understanding, love you.)

TW- Tiny bit of angst, name calling, Alcohol use, hint of BuckyNat (back off haters I WILL die with that ship.)

A/N- I’m sorry if this was late. I have been busy with college and I wrote this one but it didn't upload so I hope you like this. Requests are always welcomed here lovelies so come on down :D

ALSO HAPPY HALLOWEEN MY SPOOKY PEOPLE 🎃

The party was in full swing, drinks where flowing from left to right,and people where enjoying themselves as they danced in the middle of the big dance floor. This party was important to you as it was your first ever celebrity party, Taylor (Swift) invited Shawn to one of her Halloween parties and he invited you as his plus one. You stood in one corner of the room with a cup full of punch in hand, you stood there in a black skin tight jumpsuit, the fabric hugged you perfectly.

Shawn spotted you in the corner of hall he swore his heart stopped in his chested, for the longest time he had feeling for you but he was scared to loose such a wonderful friendship, from the first time he met you he made it his prime objective to protect you from his hectic lifestyle and every mean word he heard about you.

You admired him from a far for awhile wondering how lucky you are to have him in your life, his costume looked amazing on him, he looked amazing. Afterwards, you made your way through the crowd and sat right next to him.

"So the arm I made you fits then Bucky." you stroked his left arm, feeling the prop you made for him months before.

"It fits like a glove Natasha." He ruffled your red wig and then you both burst out laughing.

You held onto him tight while trying to compose yourself and your feelings for him, it felt as if it was only the two of you in the room. Before you could do anything you snapped out of your trance and excused yourself.

“Do you fancy a drink there Mendes?” You asked.

“Yeah sure, thank you beautiful.“ The pet name made you heat up. You got up and went to the bar.

“Two Budweiser please (A/N- I’m really not sure if Shawn would drink this brand of beer but it’s one of my favourite.)“ You called out to the bartender, as you do, you over heard a conversation that went on beside you-

“Oh my god. Did you see that slut that Shawn was hanging out? Talk about trashy.“

“Yeah. Oh my days, Mendes could of picked someone interesting at least. “

“She is such a bore I’m surprised that he didn’t die of boredom.“

They both burst out laughing, the tears already flowing as your heart broke at the thought of Shawn not loving you because you are not famous or interesting or even beautiful.

The bartender looked at you with sorrowful eyes, as if to say that they pity you, as they hand you your beers.

You went back to Shawn. He was already half way through a conversation before he noticed your tear stained face. As on cue, his hands wrapped themselves around your waist and pulled you into a warm embrace and held you there.

“Princess whats wrong?” He asked.

“I want to go home please.” You whispered into his side as you carried on to cry.

“Are you sure?“ He pulled you face up so he can look into your dark eyes.

“I’m sure.“ It was the only thing you managed to choke out.

The car ride was long and suffocating. Not one word was spoken. The words of not just tonight but everyday replayed in your mind, everyday you question god why you and Shawn became friends, everyday you wonder why.

“Shawn...“ You hesitated.

“Shawn, What do you see in me? what do you see in me that makes you want to keep me around? I-I’m not interesting, I’m not cool nor fun, I’m just a regular person who no ones would care about look at me, I’m a mess.” You began to cry hard again this time you felt more better now that it is out of your system.

The Jeep halted to a stop outside your apartment complex.

“(Y/N) why on earth would you asked that?“ His eye brows knitted together in confusion. You had no words to reply with so you just look at him.

“If it is about the headlines forget about them please. You’re the best thing that has ever happened to me. you’re not like the other people I hang out with, the day I met you I knew that I wanted to be with you forever and settle down with you and have a normal life because when all this is over and done with and everyone has left I know that you’ll be here for me,“ He paused for a little longer then he said those three magic words that changed everything,

“I love you so so much (Y/N).“

You leaned in and pulled him closer, you closed the gap and placed your plump lips onto his.The moment was perfect even better than any movie you have watched, after a while you both pulled away from each other with a smile plastered on your faces.

“I love you from now to forever.“ You whispered into his ears.

And with that you said your goodbyes and left.

The next morning you woke up to the sound of your phone buzzing a ringing, you opened up your phone to find thousands of instagram mentions. You couldn’t help but feel loved upon what you saw-

a photo of you and Shawn from the day before with the caption-

shawnmendes: Say all you want about (Y/N Instagram name) but I love her to the moon and back and you are never going change. You may call her boring, dull, and ugly, however, you don’t know her like I do. She bring the sun into my life, she pulls me back down when fame gets to my head, she is beautiful, kind, funny, and she is the type of normal I want to spend the rest of my life. I’ve known her for 5 years and they have been the best five years of my life and I’m grateful for every single second. I love you (Y/N).

No matter what, you knew that you have him and he has you.

A/N- I hope you enjoyed it. I’m so sorry for being away for so long I have been doing a lot of work for my drama course, Guess who got the role of Christmas in the lion, the witch, and the wardrobe... I DID :D so I’ve been busy with that also I tried writing this before but it deleted itself so again if its not the best I’m sorry.

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cynicallystiles · 6 years ago

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Beach Sunrises: Aftertaste

Author: @cynicallystiles

Warning: MAJOR angst chapter, if you couldn’t already tell by the title. Maybe fluff? Knowing me probably cursing. Jealousy, perhaps?

Pairing: Shawn Mendes x Reader

Summary: While on tour one day, Shawn sees a woman watching the sunrise by herself. Thinking that he’ll never see her again, he tries to forget as he goes on with the rest of his day. But, serendipity seems to have other ideas…

Notes: Yo, this is hella late. But, like I’ve been so busy preparing to go back to college and working but also going to see Charlie Puth and Hailee Steinfeld and that was an experience! But, this is hella long and I actually maybe like it? ONLY TWO CHAPTERS LEFT AFTER THIS FOR THE SERIES. PLEASE REBLOG OR COMMENT if you like it! I always welcome messages and asks about my work! Enjoy!

Abbreviations: y/i/h = your Instagram handle

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Part 9 Part 11

Words: 10,375

First P.O.V.

I clear my throat and smile shyly before taking my dishes to the sink. Liyah is right. I think I really do feel that strongly about him. I've just been really scared to admit it. It's scary that I've only known him for a year and a half, but I feel like I could spend the rest of my life with him.

I haven't had the best luck with romance in the past. And a little part of me has been paranoid that this was all some long ruse just to get me into bed. He's not like that though. I'm sure of it. I just need to stop dragging my insecurities from my past relationship into this one.

After I finish washing my dishes, I head to Shawn's room and sit down on the bed with my laptop. I've been working on something as well as the music videos for a little while. Originally I was gonna save it for his birthday or something. But, I think I should give it to him tonight.

I'm clicking away at the keys when Liyah opens the door abruptly. My shoulders jump as I pull my headphones off and look up at her. "Knock much?" I chuckle.

"Sorry," she says hurriedly. "But, we found the channel he's gonna be on. He's on in fifteen minutes! C'mon!" She waves her hand for me to follow her. I shake my head with a grin and save the file I'm working on.

I wander into the living room where they're all in their respective seats facing the TV. Manuel and Karen are in two of the comfy chairs and Liyah is sitting dead center on the couch. Upon seeing me, she scoots to her left and pats on her right for me to sit down.

I flop down next to her causing her to sink into me and we begin laughing. It's interrupted by the sound of my phone going off. I check the ID and answer with a surprised tone. "Hey!"

"Hi, y/n! Oh, it's so good to talk to you again!" Her chipper voice causes me to smile with a slight blush.

I nod even though she can't see me. "Yeah, it is! So to what do I owe the pleasure of your call, Hailee?" Next to me, I can see Liyah's eyes widen. She mouths 'Hailee Steinfeld?!' and I nod with a silent giggle.

"Well, if I recall correctly," she laughs slightly before continuing. "Someone promised to keep me updated on what she's doing for her big documentary project to get into film school!"

I groan playfully. "I'm sorry!" She giggles on the other end. "In my defense, I haven't updated you because I've been busy with Shawn's music videos. And because I don't actually have any ideas yet..." I bite my lip nervously. Before now, I didn't realize that I was so close to needing a subject for my documentary.

"Figures he's the one hogging all of your awesomeness!" I roll my eyes as she continues. "But, I'm actually glad you don't have anything yet because..." she pauses for a beat before finally speaking again. "I was thinking that you could do your documentary on me!"

"On you?? Are you serious? I don't even know what to say to that..."

Her laugh is light on the other end of the line. "Well...you could say yes! You could start right after you graduate for the start of my tour...and you'll have a full camera crew at your disposal to film and take pictures. It's a paid gig..."

"Hailee! Oh, my gosh. Paid?" I ask and she confirms. "I couldn't possibly...I'm just an amateur..."

She sighs. "Y/n, c'mon! After seeing what you did with those music videos...I didn't want anyone else to do this. You are my first choice because you're incredible! Please say yes?" She pouts.

"Wow, Hailee...I don't know...I kind of had plans for the summer..." I admit as I think about Shawn and I's agreement. He finishes his tour and I graduate. Then, we can see where it goes. "...with Shawn..."

It's quiet for a moment and I think maybe we've been disconnected. "Y/n. I know that you probably want to give things a shot with Shawn once you're both not busy...but think about this. For starters, this is your big break into film school. I can feel it. Do you really want to put it off when Shawn won't do the same?"

"Wait, what do you mean?" I question her anxiously. My heart thumps loudly in my chest.

"You seriously haven't thought about it?" She asks. At my silence, she sighs heavily and continues with a sincere tone. "I mean...you're putting off a really great job to be available for a relationship with him. And yeah...maybe he'll be available for the first couple of weeks, but something will come up. A show, a press event...an interview..."

My eyes briefly flicker to the TV where Shawn will be in a few minutes before back at my lap. "And?" I whisper sadly.

"And he will take it. Regardless of what you were in the middle of, what plans you had...he'll take it because he doesn't know how to stop working," she explains. "And I'm not saying you can't make it work...because a lot of people do. But, how are you supposed to see if it'll work while both of you are juggling your careers?"

I take a deep breath and close my eyes. "You're right. But...I still need to think about it. Talk to him too..."

"I understand. Take your time. But, I gotta know by mid-May if you're not doing it so I can find someone else..." I tell her that I'll let her know. "And y/n? Don't forget that you are just as talented as he is. You deserve a shot at your dream too."

I clear my throat. "Thanks, Hailee. I'll keep that in mind. Talk to you soon."

We hang up the phone and I turn to see Liyah staring at me expectedly. I furrow my eyebrows quizzically and she starts freaking out. "What was all that about?!"

"She wants me to direct and edit the documentary for her upcoming tour..." I say simply.

"What?! And you told her you had to think about it?? Oh my gosh, you have to do it! Maybe you could visit my school for career day and Hailee could drop by...ugh! It'd be so much cooler than Shawn showing up..." she rambles causing me to giggle.

The TV says something about Shawn and we turn toward it. "We'll discuss it later, Liyah," I promise her. She thanks me excitedly as we give our full attention to the interview beginning.

My heart flutters wildly as he sits down across from the interviewer. All of last night is replaying in my head. Liyah grabs the remote and turns the volume up as the cheering dies down. "Shawn, we're so glad you could make it on such short notice!"

"I'm happy to be here!" He chuckles as his cheeks turn pink.

She shuffles some papers then continues. "I'm just gonna jump right in. Earlier this week you dropped the videos for not one but two new songs...and they're doing quite well."

"Yeah...honestly I was a little bit worried at first. So, I'm glad that fans are liking them," he admits light-heartedly. All I can think about is what he meant by that. He said he trusted me completely with it so why would he be worried?

She says something about his worries being misplaced and plays a small clip from each. Fanning herself with her papers, she turns back to Shawn. "Well, those were some steamy scenes you had to shoot..." He nods as he swallows. "If I'm not mistaken...you had y/n, your best friend, direct and edit the videos?"

"Yes. She was phenomenal about it all. Came up with the concepts by herself, directed the whole thing, edited it together..." he lists off as the host finishes for him.

"It looks like she also starred in it! What was that like? Shooting those kinds of scenes with such a close friend...did she plan it that way?"

He shakes his head defensively. "No, nothing like that! She had hired an actress, but I was having some anxiety about it and convinced her I'd be more comfortable doing it with her."

"And that didn't...stir up any romantic feelings for each other?" The crowd begins to whistle and my cheeks flush pink as I wait for his answer. He just shakes his head. "Rumor has it you skipped the Grammys because she was sick..."

He shrugs. "Yeah...I got a little worried because it's the first time since we became friends that I'd heard her be that sick. It didn't feel right to go to the Grammys without her. But, we're just friends."

"Are you sure? Because she's obviously quite a talented and gorgeous woman. And you've included her in a lot of career-related things since you've met like your album release party, the festival tour, your music videos ...it just begs the question of why..."

He rolls his eyes a bit and I can tell he's tiring of the subject. "Yes, she's very talented and she's very beautiful. I trusted her with the videos because she's incredible at what she does and smart. As for the rest...I like having her company. Ever since the first night I met her, she's always fun to have around."

"I'm still not hearing why you two aren't a thing. You say she's smart and attractive and fun to have around. You say you were more comfortable doing the videos with her than a paid actress...it raises some suspicions, Shawn."

He sighs, barely glancing at the camera before back at the hostess. "I was comfortable doing the videos with her because of the fact that I'm not attracted to her in that way. She's a great friend to me but...not the kind of woman I want to be in a relationship with."

My features fall flat and I swallow the lump in my throat. Did he really just say that? I can feel all of his family's eyes on me. But, mine are glued to the screen as I wait for what else he says.

"And what makes you say that?" The interviewer asks as she nods contemplatively.

He shifts in his seat and pulls the features of his face into a lighthearted look. "Look, she's sweet. She really is. But, she's not exactly a relationship kind of girl. She's serious about school, and her job. But, when it comes to relationships? She's not serious about them..."

A heaviness fills my lungs and my ears feel muffled. Liyah lays a tentative hand on my shoulder while the interviewer continues. "How so?"

"She just got a lot of...baggage. Family history, past relationships, insecurities...stuff like that. I think that's part of why she isn't up for serious relationships. She's the perfect girl to have around when you want to have fun and have a good time...but she's not a long-term girl."

My mouth falls open as I choke on my breath. I feel the tears start to spill onto my cheeks and I don't know how to make them stop. Liyah is trying to comfort me as I stand up slowly and Karen tries to say something as I walk past her. But, I can't hear any of it. All I hear is a sharp ringing as if someone hit me over the head.

I enter Shawn's room and lock the door. A small whine escapes my lips and I try to choke it down. I walk around and gather my things quickly, almost as if I'm on autopilot. Looking at my laptop sitting on the bed, my features contort as I'm overcome with pain. I eject the CD that I was working on and put it in a case.

Staring at the words I had written on the cover, my grip tightens. I take a deep breath as my hand shakes in anger. How could I be so stupid? I swing my arm and the case hits a wall before hitting the floor somewhere. I gather the rest of my things after getting dressed and head to the front door.

"Y/n, sweetie. Just wait a second," Karen says in a maternal voice. "Why don't you just wait until he gets back to talk about it, yeah?"

I shake my head as I wipe tears with the sleeves of my hoodie. No, Shawn's hoodie. I had forgotten that I was wearing it. It smells like him and I hate it. But, he could be home any minute and I don't want to be here when he gets back.

"I'm pretty sure I've heard what he really thinks...so I'm just gonna go home," I warble. "Liyah, just let me know when career day is and I'll see what I can do." With a sad look at everyone, I exit the building and get in my waiting Uber to the airport.

The drive there was pretty agonizing. I couldn't keep it together for more than five seconds before falling apart. I could tell that the driver was very concerned about it. Thankfully, they kept to themselves though.

The flight was long (or at least it felt like it) and definitely weird as people kept looking at my disheveled state. As soon as I got off the plane, I turned my phone back on and all the texts from Shawn came through. I could barely keep it together while reading them.

Shawn: Hey, where'd you go?

Shawn: My parents said you went home...are you okay?

I roll my eyes at the message. My blood boiling replaces the feeling of sadness. Is he seriously gonna continue to play this game? He already got what he wanted. There's no need to pretend anymore.

Shawn: C'mon, y/n. We didn't even get to Half-Blood Prince yet...

I finally lose my resolve and tap away at my phones keys as I stand near the where I just got off. Pressing send, I head to baggage claim. I block his number to stop getting his incessant calls and texts. And I block him from all of my social media. Even my Euterpe Instagram. I'm done with this.

Me: I saw the interview, Shawn. I wish I could say that I was surprised. And I really was at first. But, deep down I knew that this was all some big put on to sleep with me. So congratulations. You got the hard to get girl. Check it off your stupid pop star fuck it list. But, stop pretending like it was all real. And this whole message is probably for nothing because you don't actually care but...you really had me going. Thinking I found someone who actually wanted me for more than that...thinking you loved me. Guess I'll just add this to all the 'baggage from past relationships.' Goodbye, Shawn.

It was definitely hard to say all that and to get rid of any contact for good. But, I'm not gonna wallow in it.

As I'm waiting for my bag to come up on the belt, a few girls come up to me, phones hugged tightly to their chest.

"Um...hi, can I help you?" I ask politely, my voice a little stuffy from crying still.

They whisper to each other urgently and excitedly before they turn back to me. The one in the middle speaks. "You're y/n, right?" I nod cautiously. They all squeal slightly before calming back down. "We love the music videos you were in!!! It's so exciting to see a realistic girl portrayed like that!"

"Thanks...it was Shawn's idea to not cover up everything with makeup..." I say quietly. Confusion settles in my mind. How could he have been so sweet and be so fake? He really went for the long-con.

They all gush excitedly. "Anyway...we were wondering if we could get some pictures with you?" My mouth parts slightly in surprise. I nod and one by one they get their pictures before leaving. I'm sure I look like I mess with my puffy eyes and red nose, but they didn't seem to care.

I grab my bags and head toward the exit. A few people wave at me as I pass by. I really did not think through what it would mean to be in two internationally viewed music videos. I think I probably just said goodbye to a lot of my privacy and alone time.

As I get outside, I see Anna waiting for me with my car. I hug her tightly before she helps me put my stuff in the trunk. Then, I hop into the driver's seat and head back to the hotel. She stays with me as I unpack and doesn't say much about me being home early. I find her silence suspicious.

"Okay...out with it," I say with a sigh as I sit down on my bed.

She swivels in my desk chair to look at me innocently. "Out with what?"

"You know what. I know you never liked Shawn and you're dying to say 'I told you so'...so say it," I purse my lips, waiting for her inevitable rant.

But, it doesn't come. "I don't want to say that. What kind of best friend would I be if I rubbed salt in the wound?" She asks sincerely. I smile sadly and stand up to give her a hug. She meets me halfway.

"I think I could use some popcorn and a Marvel marathon," I laugh as I pull back, my cheeks slightly wet from crying again.

Her eyes light up. "Yesss! But first..." she says as she pulls out her phone, "a selfie to commemorate you being home!" I hug into her, our cheeks pressed together and grinning as she snaps the photo.

"Okay, here! I'll edit it and post it to Insta while you make the popcorn," I offer as I take her phone. She smirks at me as she goes to make it and I open up her camera roll. I finish editing it and post it easily with a small caption about being glad to be home.

Anna is taking longer than I thought to make the popcorn so I scroll through her photos while I wait. I smile to myself as I see all of our selfies and videos at the karaoke club over the years. My thumb stops scrolling as something catches my eye. I hover over the video for a second before tapping on it. I turn the phone horizontally to watch it.

The video is dark but there are neon signs lighting up the scene. I turn the volume up and can hear the commotion as clear as the night it happened. The angle looks really familiar. Curiously I exit out of the video and look at the immediate pictures that follow it. Betrayal courses through me as she returns with the bowl and a couple of sodas.

"Hey, I figured you'd want something to drink with the popcorn. Because I know that you like it way too salty..." she trails off as she looks at me on the edge of my bed. "Everything okay?"

I look at her slowly before playing the video with the volume all the way up. I toss it on the bed as I pace the room. Her eyes widen in recognition as she sets the snacks down to go turn it off. "I can explain that! I saved that video from the news in case that guy tried to sue or something. As evidence that he started it..."

"Anna," I cut her off, "the video on your phone starts before what was on the news. Plus now that I look at it closely, it's clearly the vantage point you had from the stage."

She opens her mouth but nothing comes out. "I just..." she sighs. "I knew that you'd end up getting hurt..."

"So, you thought you'd send that video and the pictures of me and Shawn at the diner to the tabloids to scare me away from being with him?" I finish her thought as I cross my arms in a hostile stance.

She steps closer to me. "No! I sent those to scare him! To show him that his image could get messed up, and show you that he'd bail when it got bad for him," she explains desperately.

I chuckle and it's hollow. "Oh my god," I whisper as I shake my head in realization. "You released my name...Shawn swore he had no idea how it happened, neither of us could figure it out...you did it. That first news article didn't make either of us bail so you released my name..."

"No! I didn't...I mean I did...but I-"

"Why?" I look at her as I continue to inhale deeply.

She continues to stammer on, not being able to look me in the eye. "I-I was worried about you. He was gonna hurt you eventually and I was trying to make you get out sooner rather than later. Because he did...hurt you that is..."

"You thought you'd save me from being hurt by Shawn...by releasing my name and making me relive all the harassment and humiliation of those photos coming up? Nope, try again," I demand.

She groans frustratedly. "Fine! I was jealous that you started falling for him!! You told me that you couldn't date me because you weren't ready for a relationship-" she begins to yell.

"I never said that! I told you that I didn't see you as more than a friend! I cannot believe that you did this!" I cut her off.

She sighs before looking at me. "I know...I'm sorry. I got carried away and I just didn't want him to hurt you...honestly..."

"You didn't want him to hurt me so you did it first. And then he did it anyway. So now I'm double hurt. That's wonderful logic on your part," I say icily. She tries to apologize more. "No. Get out."

"But, y/n..."

"I will never forgive you for this. Get out...now," I say slowly. Her mouth parts as if she's struck by my words but she leaves without another argument. I sink onto the floor in front of my bed. Hugging my knees to my chest, I cry. I cry until I can't keep my eyes open and I fall asleep because I'm too exhausted to move to the bed.

Third P.O.V.

Shawn arrives home in good spirits after the interview and after schmoozing for a few more hours. He had no idea what awaited him when he walked through the door. Silence. Shawn had expected to come home to the sound of his family and y/n having conversations and moving about. Laughter. Music probably. But, instead, he was greeted by silence.

As he entered he saw no one in the living room or the kitchen so he began to make his way to the hallway. But as he passes by the other side of the couch, he saw that Aaliyah was lying on the couch with her headphones in. He nudges her foot with his hand and she looks at him.

If looks could kill, Shawn would have disintegrated where he stood. The death glare from her was not only scary but unwarranted. Or so he thought. "Where's everybody at?" He asks with a confused smile. But, she just rolls her eyes as she puts her headphones back in and turns her back to him.

He scrunches his features quizzically but shakes it off as he heads down the hallway. Knocking on the guest bedroom door, he waits a beat and then enters. His parents are just sitting around reading, either something on their phone or a book.

They look up as he enters and he immediately feels shame from the looks they give. "Okay...why does everyone keep looking at me weird?" He chuckles nervously.

Manuel looks at Karen because she has more of an opinion on the matter. Now, he likes y/n. She's a sweet girl and she didn't deserve for Shawn to talk about her like that on television. Or anywhere regardless of circumstances. But, he's an adult. Unlike Karen, he'd rather he figure out what he's done wrong on his own.

Karen sets her phone down on the nightstand and interlaces her fingers in her lap. "Sweetie, I love you...but how could you be so cruel? Especially to a girl as wonderful as y/n? " His perfect lips part in surprise but she continues. "She went home..."

His eyes widen and he bolts to his bedroom. As he looks around, he finds all of her stuff gone. He sends her text after text and she doesn't answer. He rushes back to his parents. "Why did she leave?"

"We saw the interview, honey," she says in quiet disappointment. "All of us." She stresses the word. As he stands there with his mind racing, it feels like an eternity passes. His blood runs cold when his phone vibrates in his hand.

He reaches out a hand to steady himself on the doorframe as the message displayed before him sinks his heart into his stomach. Oh, he really fucked up this time. He types a small response but it gets declined. He tries another. And another. "She blocked me..."

"Can you blame her?" Manuel finally says.

Shawn looks at his parents with fear in his eyes as tears pool in them. "No. No, no, no..." he mumbles to himself as he tries every other form of communication that he can think of. But, she's blocked him on everything possible. Even the Euterpe Instagram.

He needs to see her in person. He can fix this. He begins to leave when his phone rings with a few texts from Andrew. They say that the interview was so good that he's got a lot more lined up for the rest of the week that he's not on tour. Shawn tries to tell him that he has to go see y/n. But, it doesn't take much for Andrew to convince him to wait until after these interviews.

Shawn slumps down on the couch next to Aaliyah's feet. She immediately gets up and begins to walk toward the guest bedroom. "Liyah! C'mon, why are you ignoring me?"

"Only y/n gets to call me that," she says flatly as she crosses her arms.

Shawn's features contort in disbelief. "I'm your brother! Shouldn't I get the chance to explain myself?" He asks, his voice elevating in pitch with his distress.

"Not when you were an absolute jerk to one of the coolest people in the entire world. How could you be so stupid? I thought you loved her...why would you destroy her like that?" She scolds him.

He stays silent in shame. He did love her. He does. But, she wasn't ready to go public yet and the interviewer was not going to let it go. Y/n wasn't supposed to be watching, but that's no excuse for what he said. He just got carried away. Aaliyah takes his silence as confirmation.

"She loved you too, ya know," she says quietly.

Shawn's head whips up toward her. "How do you know?"

"Because of her reaction to you saying those things about her. And after you told me about her ex...it looks like you just used her and-" Shawn cuts her off.

"Do not compare me to the guy that did those awful things to her!" His skin crawls at the thought of being put in the same category as that guy.

She sighs. "I'm just telling you what it looks like from her perspective. You got close to her, slept with her-" he begins to protest but she looks at him pointedly. "Don't deny it, we all saw you two this morning...and then you basically told the whole world that she's only good enough to be your friend with benefits...and the pictures of her are just making rumors worse-"

"What pictures?" He questions. Aaliyah looks down and Shawn presses her. "What rumors, Aaliyah??"

She sighs and looks at the ceiling before sitting down next to him and pulling up her Twitter. Silently, she scrolls through y/n's page until the pictures come up. Y/n is at home in the airport with a few fans. They smile brightly and she tries to match them, but the happiness isn't there. She's all red-nosed and puffy-eyed. Shawn's heart crumbles when he sees his pink hoodie surrounding her.

Then, Aaliyah scrolls down in the comments so Shawn can read them. A lot of them are saying awful things. Half about y/n. Half about Shawn.

"OMG she's wearing the pink hoodie. They totally hooked up in Toronto!"

"Look at her face! You can totally tell she's upset after leaving his place..."

"LMAO did she not get the memo that #FWB shouldn't catch feels?"

"Can't believe Shawn would say those mean things about someone who's supposedly his best friend..."

"Totally unstanning! #whatajerk"

"NOT my idol anymore because of how he just treated y/n!"

Shawn turns his head, unable to read the comments as they progressively get worse. Aaliyah turns off the phone and stuffs her hands into the pocket of her hoodie.

"What do I do?" He croaks, barely audible as if his voice will break.

She shrugs as she looks at her brother. His elbows rest on his knees with his head down in his hands. "I don't think you can do anything..." she says quietly. "You really effed up good this time."

"You don't think I know that?" He mumbles into his hands. He sounds so small and broken. Aaliyah's never seen him like this. He's her big brother...he always seems strong and together.

But when she puts her hand comfortingly on his shoulder, he lifts his head up to look at her. And he isn't strong and together. His cheeks are glistening from silent tears that he tried so hard to keep in. His eyes have a hopelessness in them that is uncharacteristic of him. He feels deep down that this time she's not taking him back. No matter what he does.

"Oh...Shawn..." she whispers as she wraps her arms around his neck in comfort. Immediately he hugs her tight as his shoulders shake. She can feel the tears fall onto her shoulder but she holds him just as tight.

The following days pass slowly and Shawn can't focus during any of the interviews that Andrew set up. His answers are short and disinterested and when they bring up y/n or anything related...he changes the subject. He's not gonna make the mistake of saying too much again. Not that she'd be watching anyway. He just doesn't have the energy to try and cover up his emotional exhaustion.

When he goes back to tour, it's not any better. Sure, it wasn't as bad as when she left after he slept with Camila. He was playing the keys, and he was hitting the notes. But it was so much worse on the scale of his despair. The first time they weren't dating. He felt guilty and his shame is what made him mess up all the songs.

Now...now he feels guilt and shame and loss magnified ten times over. They had dated for half a year, but he had been in love with her for longer than that. It makes him sick to his stomach that he made her feel used in that way. So the majority of the songs at his concert were all his sad ones.

Fans could feel the realness in his voice with every word. They could hear the smallest quiver on the words that hit him hardest and the way they threatened to break with the weight of his grief. Even as he would look out into the crowd of faces that he couldn't make out, they could all see the tears glossing his eyes.

Of course, more rumors floated around that perhaps they were actually more involved than he let on. Everyone noticed how miserable they both were, but neither said a word about it.

Shawn was glad when the tour finally ended and he could mope alone in his place. It was a few weeks after the tour had ended and he was shuffling around in his kitchen, eating ice cream straight out of the carton.

He sits down at the bar and hangs his head. Then, his eyes wander around his kitchen aimlessly until they come to land on the calendar hanging on his fridge. He squints when he sees the bright green circle surrounding one of the weekdays.

Immediately he gets up and walks over to it to make out the tiny lettering. Small hearts are sprinkled all around the circle and his heart stops when finally reads it. His fingers brush over the pen strokes that were clearly made by her.

Graduation!

The Day WE Really Begin!!

Shawn's eyes widen as he double checks the date. It’s tomorrow. He can't believe he actually almost forgot about her graduation. Pulling out his phone, he heads to his bedroom and makes arrangements for his flight immediately. He hastily packs a bag and finds a nearby Uber.

It doesn't take long to get to the airport and he rushes to the terminal. Everything in him is just hoping to whatever higher power that he makes it there on time. He has to be there to show her that he does love her. Otherwise, it might be the point of no return.

First P.O.V.

Sad. Frustrated. Angry. Alone.

These are just a few of the words that I would use to describe the last month after Shawn and I split. Sad that I finally had something good and it ended without a lot of closure. Frustrated because I hate that I miss him and I miss him every time I'm reminded of him. Which is all the time. Everywhere I turn there he is: on the radio, doing an interview, popping up on my social media feeds from other people. It never ends.

Angry that I let myself be played like that and also that he still manages to take over every part of my life. I feel pathetic that one song on the radio could send me into such a state that I have to pull over my car to cry. All the fans and reporters ask about him. I've yet to give a straight answer to any of them, usually just changing the subject.

Lastly, I feel alone because I am now. Before all this, I had Shawn and Anna and Xander. I do still have Xander and all the people from work, school, the club and the diner. But, it's not the same. They were the closest people I had to family and they betrayed me. Xander is being distant because he feels like it's all his fault for pushing us so hard to get together in the first place. And so I feel alone.

All that's gonna change after graduation though. I'm lying in bed, and I can hardly sleep with all the anticipation of what's to come. I've got everything I need packed, and my outfit for the ceremony is ready to go. I guess at some point in all my going over checklists in my head, I fell asleep.

I wake up and I don't feel tired. But I don't feel particularly rested either. Every fiber inside of me is jittering with anxiety. Nonetheless, I push on and get ready to graduate. I curl my hair into soft waves that flow down my back, and I do a nude Smokey eyeshadow with a shimmery peach lipstick.

Once that's done, I put in sapphire stud earrings to match my dress. The top is a black v-neck the goes to my waist. From there it slightly flares out like a tea length dress but it goes to my mid-thigh. The main color is sapphire but there's a velvet paisley pattern covering it. I'm wearing black high heels to match.

I check over myself in my mirror one last time. My eyes fall on my necklace, the one Shawn gave me for my birthday. I haven't taken it off since I got it except to take showers. Despite everything, I can't bring myself to be without it. With a final encouraging nod to myself, I head out for the college.

The commencement is taking place on the football field where everyone has worked really hard to decorate nicely. I wait in line with everyone else, and I'm glad to see that I'm not the only one who is nervous. We all quiet our excited chattering when we hear the announcement to begin the procession.

I flex my hands at my side in an effort to shake off my unneeded nerves. I've been waiting for this day ever since I stepped foot on campus. As I finally step foot onto the carpet they've rolled over the grass, my eyes can't help but wander to the stands. It's late afternoon, so the sun isn't in my eyes. I don't even know who I'm looking for.

There are so many students, which means there are a whole lot of families in the stands. I wouldn't even be able to see anyone if I tried. But, then I did. An uncontrollable smile grows on my face as I see Xander in the crowd with a sign that's cheering me on. Even though all I'm doing is walking. I can see Anna next to him and I try not to frown or let it ruin my day.

I have to turn back around to find where I'm sitting before I can find any other familiar faces. The commencement is long and for most of it, I'm just twiddling my thumbs in my lap. Finally, the walking across the stage part begins. My row stands up when it's our turn and we slowly make our way to the side of the stage.

As I'm waiting, my phone buzzes in the pocket of my dress. I maneuver my hand inside my robe to discreetly pull it out. I'm at the end of the line, so I have a little bit of time to kill. My eyes skim over the messages.

Hailee: You look absolutely gorgeous! Can't wait to see you walk across! Xoxo

My head whips up toward the stand with my brows furrowed in confusion. I can't make out anyone specific so I just text her back.

Me: Wait...are you at my graduation right now? 😱

The three little dots appear on the screen.

Hailee: Maybe...lol I couldn't resist! I'll find you afterward!❤️

I roll my eyes with a playful smile on my lips. Hailee actually came to my graduation even though she's busy preparing for her world tour. I move forward in line as I look at another message.

Nick: Should you be texting and walking in the middle of your graduation? You could definitely trip in those shoes...

Me: OMG you're here too?!?

Almost instantly, he replies.

Nick: Like I would miss it! Although no one told me the dress code...I feel like I'm both overdressed and underdressed at the same time 😅

Nick: I think I just saw a guy wearing cargo shorts with a neon shirt...

Me: Lol...it's the west coast! People dress for the weather, not the occasion. Shouldn't you know that? 😂

Nick: Don't judge me...it's rainy in Washington...we wore pants and jackets a lot. Anyway, looks like you're up next! See you after!

I put my phone back in my pocket just as my name is about to be called. With a deep breath and a nervous smile, I walk up the steps and start across the stage. I come to the middle and stop to take my diploma with one hand while shaking the dean's hand with my other. We pause for a picture and I turn out to the crowd to hold up my diploma with a beaming grin.

I can hear my small group of friends cheering loudly while everyone claps. My heart is filled with pride at my own accomplishment until it sinks. The sudden heaviness of my heart makes my smile falter and so I move my tassel to the other side of my cap while I continue off the stage. I make my way back down to my seat where we all remain standing. I know whom I've been looking for.

I've been looking for Shawn. I don't know why I would be looking for him because I'm still hurt and humiliated by what he said. But, I don't know. Some part of me was hoping he'd show up and say he's sorry and then I'd know that I actually meant something to him. It was a foolish hope. I never meant anything to him but being a challenge.

All my doubts about leaving have dissipated. I shake out of my disappointment and become excited about the future as the commencement comes to a close. The final remarks are said and we all burst into cheers as we launch our caps into the air. My heart swells and I can't believe I actually did it.

The field turns into a flurry of activity as families come down to get pictures. Instead of getting caught in the mess, I make my way around the edge of the field to the parking lot. I lean against my car as I wait for Xander to come find me. It’s not long before he’s rushing over to me, nearly knocking me over as he pulls me into a bear hug.

“Ahhhhh!! You’re finally a college graduate! How does it feel??” He giggles excitedly.

I hug him back tightly. “It feels pretty good.” I grin as we part. After a brief pause, I continue, “I saw Anna with you. Did she leave?”

“Yeah...she wanted to see you walk but she knows you don’t want to see her,” he admits.

I nod my head slowly. At least she’s respecting my boundaries. Can’t say she’s had much respect for anything else. My name is called by a happy voice and I perk up as she approaches. “Hailee! Ugh, I can’t believe you came!” I squeal as she pulls me into a warm hug.

“Of course, I came! My girl just graduated!” She giggles and her smile is radiant. I can’t help but notice that she is the literal embodiment of perfection and effortless beauty.

I return the grin, a small blush tinting my cheeks. My attention is caught by yet another person calling my name. I turn around and see Nick strolling over with his hands in his pockets. He wasn’t kidding when he said he might be overdressed.

“Ohhh, my god,” I chuckle as I bring my interlocked fingers up to my nose. “It’s eighty degrees out! Why are you wearing a blazer??”

He pulls on the lapels with finesse. “What? You don’t think I look dashing?” He teases as he finally stops in front of me.

“You look dashing in anything,” I smirk as I brush nothing in particular off of his shoulders before resting my hands there. “But, it’s a little extra for the weather. Hand it over,” I demand playfully.

He rolls his eyes but complies. “Better?” He asks with an exasperated tone. But, the smile tugging at the corner of his lips says he’s anything but tired of my antics.

“Much!” I beam up at him even though I’m wearing tall heels. “C’mere, you,” I request as I hold my arms open.

He cracks a smile and it’s a smile that fills me up with butterflies and warmth. As he pulls me into him by my waist he buries his nose into my hair. “It’s been too long. I actually kind of missed you,” he mumbles below where anyone else can hear.

“Gee, thanks,” I scoff before we break apart. After a small lingering glance, I clap my hands together. “So...Xander are we gonna go to the party you planned or...?”

He throws his hands up in defeat. “I swear. Why I bother trying to surprise you with anything is beyond me!” We all burst into laughter at his statement. He sighs, “Well, let’s get going!”

Hailee and Nick ride with me back to the hotel, while Xander drives his own car. Once there, we head the smallest of our three ballrooms. As we walk in we see decorations and people already milling about. Immediately, I shed my gown into a seat and head to the dance floor.

We all dance through the night, having way too much fun. Xander got a cake for me which turned out to taste fantastic. Somehow, Nick and I managed to start an icing war. As of right now, I’m the winner because I have no icing on me yet. I think I’ve lost him in the crowd when I stop to talk to Hailee.

“So...got everything packed and ready to go for tomorrow?” She inquires as she licks some icing off of her fork.

I try to catch my breath as I respond. “Yes, ma’am. I’m ready to catch a flight with you in the morning to the start of your tour. And from there...the world!” I say dramatically which causes her to giggle.

“I’m really glad you decided to do the documentary. I know we’re gonna have so much fun!” She gushes happily.

I open my mouth to respond, but the words are cut off by icing being wiped over my mouth messily. “Eek!” I squeal in surprises before swallowing the buttercream frosting that got on my tongue. Nick pops his head over my shoulder to see the damage.

“Yes! We’re tied now,” he announces proudly.

I smirk despite my frustration at getting caught. “Is that so?” He nods confidently as he fully comes to stand beside Hailee and I. “Well, we’ll just have to see about that...”

“Bring it on...” he challenges as he bobs his head side to side in a sassy manner.

I cross my arms. “When you least expect it, Robinson. When you least expect it,” I whisper playfully.

“So, what are your big plans for being a college graduate?” He asks interestedly.

I grab a napkin and begin dabbing at the icing on my lips in between speaking. “I’m directing and editing Hailee’s world tour documentary,” I say simply.

“Aw, bummer...I was hoping to spend time with you now that you have a little free time,” he admits shyly.

I tilt my head to the side as I stick out my bottom lip in a cute pouty manner. “Me too. Whatever will I do without you telling me obscure eighth-grader myths?” He puts a hand over his heart as if he’s been shot and I giggle.

“You could come with us if you want to,” Hailee suggests. At my surprised look she continues, “I mean that is it you're not too busy to travel the world with the single-most incredible woman on the planet.”

He nods his head approvingly. “Alright, I’m game,” he agrees. My eyes widen.

“Y-you are?” I ask timidly.

He shrugs his shoulders. “I mean why not? It’ll be fun, right?”

“Oh! Totally,” I agree nervously. “I should go to the bathroom to get the rest of this off,” I say as I gesture to the icing on my cheek. After excusing myself, I head out the main doors and down the hallway to a bathroom.

Before I get very far, there’s a hand on my shoulder turning me around. “Is everything okay? You looked kind of sick...” Nick asks with concerned etched in every syllable.

“Yeah! I’m great, I just don’t want the frosting to stain my skin,” I lie.

Apparently, he can sense it. “Look, if this is about Hailee inviting me on the tour...I don’t have to-“

“It’s not that,” I interrupt him as I look anywhere but his gorgeous eyes.

He steps closer, towering over me since I took off my heels to dance. “Then, what is it?” He places a gentle hand on my arm, his warm fingers barely sinking into my icy skin.

I sigh shakily. “I know we flirt a lot, and I like spending time with you. But I don’t want to lead you on or anything, so I’m gonna be honest...” I say hesitantly. When I glance at him and he says nothing, I continue. “Shawn and I...we were together...for several months and it was really serious...”

“But...” he connects some dots and urges me on.

One corner of my mouth pulls up into a sad half-smile. “But, we broke up...pretty recently. And it’s all still fresh in my mind so I don’t think I should be starting anything else serious for a little while,” I admit as my heart beats rapidly.

“Okay,” he says simply. I look up at him and see the small smile on his lips and the understanding in his inviting eyes.

I shake my head. “Actually...doing anything with you would be wrong because I’d just be using you as a distraction...” I say softly.

“Then...” he begins slowly as his hand traces down my arm to grasp mine. “...use me. If it helps you heal, then use me, y/n. I don’t mind...”

My eyes flick from his eyes to his plush lips. I stretch my neck and stand on my toes as my lips gravitate toward his. He cranes his neck down as his hands grip my waist firmly. The distance is swiftly closed as my fingers comb softly tangle in his hair to pull him closer. His lips are soft, yet firm and our breath is mixing in the air around us.

All I can feel right now is warm. After weeks of feeling an icy chill in the pit of my stomach, my heart is filled with a tiny ray of sunshine and the electricity is keeping me alive.

Third P.O.V.

Shawn’s been sitting in the airport for almost eight hours and the fricking sun has already risen outside. He arrived at the airport last night to find out that his plane had been delayed because of a huge storm happening in the middle of the route his plane needed to take.

His leg shakes incessantly as he waits for the overhead PA to announce some change in news. He could miss her graduation if it doesn’t leave soon. Shawn keeps running his hand through his hair anxiously. A few fans come up for pictures and he puts on a good smile for them.

But on the inside, he’s wrecked. Something deep in the pit of his stomach is telling him that he needs to be there. Like, this instant. He’s never had a feeling like that before, but he knows it’s about y/n. With nothing better to do, he checks his Instagram.

As he’s scrolling through the feed, he sees a picture he wasn’t expecting. It’s from y/n’s page. The picture is an artfully taken one. She’s standing in front of a hanging mirror and her cap and gown are hanging next to it. She holds her phone in front of her face to take the picture. The caption reads:

Graduation day is finally here! Another chapter in my life has been written, and tomorrow marks the day that I start a new adventurous one!

The hell is that supposed to mean? “A new adventurous one.” Shawn doesn’t know for sure but it unsettles him. And when did she even unblock him? He immediately gets up and goes over to an attendant.

“Excuse me? Do you know when my flight is gonna leave? It’s been delayed all night...” he explains as he hands her his ticket.

She reads over it and looks up at him. “I’m sorry sir, this flight has been canceled. All passengers are supposed to report to the ticket desk for a new flight,” she informs him professionally.

“Are you serious? How long ago was that announcement made??” He’s been listening to the PA nonstop for news like this. He wouldn’t have missed it.

She thinks for a minute. “I believe it was announced a little over three hours ago...” she says hesitantly.

Shawn groans frustratedly as he picks up his bag and rushes over to the ticket desk. He did miss the fucking announcement because he was too busy chatting with fans. Once again, his nonstop career is messing with his relationship. He arrives at the desk and waits in line for about another hour.

When it’s finally his turn, he steps up and lays his ticket on the desk heavily. “I’m still trying to go to this same place and I need to get there by like...four o’clock Pacific time,” he explains as he catches his breath.

“I’m sorry, sir. But you’ll have to take a flight that has a layover in a different city and then take a flight from there. It will not get you there by that time, unfortunately,” he says.

He breathes in before releasing it angrily. “Fine, whatever. Just get me on the next plane that does whatever you just said, please,” he demands as nicely as possible. The man gets to work typing and Shawn has to pay a pretty penny for a flight that leaves in fifteen minutes.

It’s a nonstop rush as he goes through security and boards the plane. Then, he’s forced to anxiously wait as everyone else boards and the plane takes off. After a few hours, he lands in the layover city and goes through the same process to get on the second plane. Outside his window, he can see the sky has gotten dark.

It’s another few hours before he touches down in y/n’s city and it takes him another one to catch a cab from the airport to her graduation. As he arrives, his heart sinks into his stomach at the empty parking lot. The commencement has long since been over and so he tells the driver to go to the Sunset Hotel.

They made a stop along the way so he could get her a bouquet of her favorite flowers. The cab arrives just as another cab is leaving and Shawn tips generously before heading inside. It’s the late hours of the night or early hours of the morning depending on whoever is looking at it. He’s sure he looks disheveled and like a mess, after all the hoop-jumping he had to do to even get there, but it’ll be worth it.

He enters the lobby and nervously steps up to the concierge desk where Xander is examining a book on his desk. Shawn clears his throat and he looks up. His eyebrows shoot up in quiet surprise as his eyes flick to the entrance.

“What are you doing here?” He asks guardedly.

Shawn sighs chest heavy with guilt and sadness. “I tried to make it for her graduation...my flight got delayed and then canceled and I had to get a new one...it was a whole big thing and I just want to see her for a minute,” he begs softly.

“No,” Xander says sternly but not meanly.

Shawn’s brows quirk in surprise and confusion. “What do you mean ‘no’?”

“I mean I’ve done nothing but help you two get together and you broke her heart...I’m not helping you anymore. I won’t be the reason she gets hurt again,” he explains defensively.

Shawn scoffs as he looks at the ceiling. “You know, eventually everyone is gonna have to stop putting all the blame on me! Did she not tell you that she’s the one that didn’t want to tell people? What other choice did-“

“She didn’t care anymore,” Xander cuts him off gently. Despite being mad, he’s more upset by the fact that these two seem to be stars barely passing each other in the night.

His breath catches in his throat and he swallows. “W-what?”

“She didn’t care about people finding out at that point...because she was sure that she loved you and it was real,” he explains. “Until it wasn’t.” He shrugs.

Shawn lays the flowers on the desk and drops his bag. “She...loved me?” He nods. “But, I did too! I do! Love her, that is...I just never got a chance to tell her...”

“And now you won’t get another one,” Xander sighs, almost to himself.

He whirls his attention back to Xander. “What’s that supposed to mean?” His heart is pumping blood loudly in his ears and he knows that this is the feeling he had.

“She’s not here...”

“Then, where is she??” He asks his voice threatening to crack front the weight of the news.

Xander avoids looking directly at him. “She’s doing the documentary on Hailee’s tour...they just left for the airport,” he confesses.

His blood runs cold and all the color drains from his face. The cab. She was in the cab that was pulling away as he was pulling up. How could he have been so close and yet so far away from her? He could go after her...or he could let her start her new chapter without him.

“I don’t think going after her is going to change anything. She needs this. She needs to recover a lot more before you reopen wounds,” Xander advises.

Shawn nods in agreement. He hopes that recovery is all she needs. And then he can get her back. He also hopes that letting her go without trying to explain himself isn’t the biggest mistake he’s ever made in his life. After saying all those things in the first place, of course.

But of course, over the next few months, it proves to be. He continues on with his life, almost getting back to normal. Save for the hole in his heart that absolutely nothing can fill no matter how hard he tries. He tried his best to ignore all the things he was seeing about her. He really was.

Although, that was hard to do when she unblocked him so she’s all over his feed when she posts. And she’s all over Hailee’s feed. It was the little things he was noticing that were eating away at him.

First, it was the haircut. Her wavy hair that once went to her mid to lower back now only went just below her collarbones. A boomerang of her running her hands through it is how he first saw it. It’s beautiful, of course. But, it’s like she’s trying to shed her past. And it’s like the new haircut brought a new personality.

Everything he was seeing was her having the time of her life. She was wearing makeup more, and she was wearing more revealing clothes. He wondered what changed that she was no longer insecure about her body or the imperfections on it. All summer he wondered why she didn’t seem broken anymore.

Then one day in an interview, he no longer had to wonder. The subject of her came up like it always does. But instead of the questions being centered on their relationship, they centered on Shawn’s opinion of the new her. He tries to steer the topic away but it’s just not working.

When he refuses to answer the questions about her doing Hailee’s documentary...they show him photos. The photos are a mixture of paparazzi ones and ones from her personal Instagram as she’s made her Euterpe one for sneak peeks of her work. Shawn can’t even speak because he feels like he can’t breathe.

He returns home and immediately lies on his bad and opens his phone. He goes to her personal IG and sure enough, the photos have been there the whole time. The answer to her complete one-eighty of a personality was right in front of him.

Tons of pictures and videos of her...and Nick. How did Shawn not know that Nick had gone on the tour with them? All of the photos are cutesy and they’re always kissing each other on the cheek. The videos are of them being flirty and playful and having the best time at Hailee’s concerts.

Shawn can almost chalk it up to them being just really good and really close friends. But the paparazzi photos are of them walking hand in hand to random places in everyday clothes. There are also pictures of them kissing each other like a couple would in fancy date outfits.

He wants to deny it. Wants to tell himself that she’s just healing and she needs a rebound to do that. But when he looks at the captions under a particular picture that’s on both her and Nick’s page, it feels like the wind is knocked out of him.

It’s a simple picture. An innocent one at that. It was posted on the Fourth of July, just a couple of weeks ago. Nick’s arms are wrapped around her waist from behind and he leans around to kiss her on the cheek but he’s grinning too much for it to actually be a kiss. She’s laughing wildly and Shawn’s has never seen her happier. Above them, an array of colorful fireworks are captured mid-burst and it creates the most beautiful picture.

@therealnickrobinson Sparks fly when I’m with you. (I know you love my puns!) Can’t wait for us to share many more fireworks💖 @y/i/h

@y/i/h “Laughter is the fireworks of the soul.” And you make my heart bloom like these fireworks...can’t wait for more💞@therealnickrobinson

Tag List: @imagine-that-100

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kolbisneat · 7 years ago

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MONTHLY MEDIA: June 2018

Oh what a month! The sun is shining, the bees are buzzing, and I’m inside watching Netflix like a chump.

……….FILM……….

Mothra (1961)

I want to check out more of the classic Kaiju movies and felt like as good a place as any to begin. Some stuff hasn’t aged super well but the miniatures are fun and the humans that anchor the movie really succeeded at being the heart of the movie.

……….TELEVISION……….

The Bachelorette (Episode 14.01 to 14.04)

You know I’m pleasantly surprised by Becca as the lead. She has a lot of personality and charm and isn’t overly polished/reserved in front of the camera. The fact that we didn’t see any of this last season shows just how bland Arie was. Also I’m hoping she ends up with Blake.

The Toys the Made Us (Episode 2.01 to 2.04)

Great second season. I appreciate that these episodes explore more international influences on the North American toy industry (LEGO, Hello Kitty, etc.) It’s a subtle look at how different cultures approach business, play, and how children factor into it all.

Black Mirror (Episode 3.05 to 3.06)

It really took a while for us to come back to the series (I think consuming bleak television is harder when the world around you is all too similar) but I’ll say that the last episode in this season was fantastic. I really appreciate the exploration of an existing genre like a police procedural with the addition of speculative fiction. I really hope season 4 pushes further into other worlds.

Ultraman (Episode 1.01 to 1.03)

Trying to get a little more Kaiju goodness into the month so I figured I’d try the show out. It’s aged surprisingly well for a monster series with a 1960s tv budget. Though I may just be partial to miniatures.

Nailed It! (Episode 1.01 to 1.05)

Solid family viewing and I admit I didn’t like it the first time I watched it. After watching two episodes alone, I couldn’t get into seeing 3 poor people try to do in an hour what a professional likely completed in three. But in a rewatch with family, I realized it was more about the journey and everyone embracing how crazy it is to try to replicate these super intricate desserts.

Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Episode 5.19 to 5.22)

We couldn’t bear to finish the season until we knew it was getting picked up again and THANK GOODNESS! That finale was great but it would’ve been way too sad if that was it. This show is too good to not exist and I’m glad NBC could see what a treasure it is.

Riverdale (Episode 2.21 to 2.22)

And so another season concludes! The finale wasn’t quite as dramatic but hot damn was I stoked to discover who the Black Hood really was. Great twist and just as silly as I’d hoped. Oh but even sillier was the board meeting of super-villains that happened at the very end. Ugh this show is too good.

One-Punch Man (Episode 1.01 to 1.04)

This is as far as I’ve read in the manga and it’s been a faithful adaptation so far. The show does a great job of capturing the ennui of the comic and adds another layer of humour through sound/voice acting/animation-based gags.

……….READING……….

A Wizard of Earthsea by Ursula Le Guin

(Complete)

I have a newfound love of short, concise fantasy! The book is just over 200 pages and covers so much! With that said, this didn’t really connect. The lead character is unlikeable in the first half and then dull in the second. It’s well-written and a super interesting world but it’s just a little too serious for me.

Beauty by Kerascoet & Hubert

(Page 33 of 144)

Just getting started in this reread and hot dang do I love this comic. The artwork is deceptively simple but this is 100% a mature-readers book. A peasant getting the “gift” of the greatest beauty leads to a lot of social commentary on the toxic nature of objectifying and idolizing physical appearance. So good.

Delicious in Dungeon Vol. 2 by Ryōko Kui

(Complete)

This continues to be one of my all time favourite comics. This second volume gets even more creative with each chapter’s “recipe” and its use of monsters and lore are very cool. The character development is strong and there’s a logic to the progress and I really can’t say enough good things about the series.

……….AUDIO……….

Remain In Light by Talking Heads (1980)

I was listening to an ep of The Ongoing History of New Music and that lead me down a real rabbit hole. So good! I mean I don’t think I really appreciated how Talking Heads approached their sound or how evergreen it really is.

Shawn Mendes by Shawn Mendes (2018)

What a good good Canadian pop boy.

……….GAMING……….

Bloodstained: Curse of the Moon (Inti Creates)

This game is better than it ought to be. It was only $10, it was a stretch goal from a Kickstarter project, and it’s clearly a Castlevania knock-off...and it’s a lot of fun! It’s short but offers a lot of replay and the mechanics are simple enough to get the hang of. The boss designs are a little jarring against the gothic setting, but it’s a lot of fun to play.

Fortnite Battle Royale (Epic Games)

I really wanted to like this game but in playing by myself, I would rank better (2nd or 3rd) by hiding than by trying to actually do anything (like engage the other players, try to find weapons, etc.) If that’s what the game’s format rewards then it’s not a game for me.

Dungeons & Dragons Hexcrawl Campaign (Wizards of the Coast)

The party knows they’re about to confront a dragon; they’ve taken a sacred artifact from the temple of dragons AND they’ve been warned. So clearly this leads to an entire session doing everything possible to avoid leaving the dungeon and confronting said dragon. Lesson learned: make the enemy more proactive.

And that’s it! As always, send me any good suggestions you might have for things to read/watch/hear/and play.

Happy Saturday!

#Monthly Media #Rambles #Andrew Kolb #Kolbisneat

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maxbegone · 7 years ago

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favorite game from the last 5 years? ‒ either the last of us or uncharted 4, I can continuously replay those games.

most nostalgic game? ‒ probably sims

game that deserves a sequel? ‒ I mean besides tlou, in another universe we get a second season of Tales From The Borderlands.

game that deserves a remaster? ‒ Has Bioshock been remastered?

favorite game series? ‒ definitely uncharted, hands down.

favorite genre? ‒ I guess action/adventure, but truthfully anything that allows exploring with a heavy story.

least favorite genre? ‒ I genuinely cannot give you an answer.

favorite song from a game? ‒ Nate’s Theme 4.0 or The Path from The Last of Us. But I'm also loving the Graveyard Theme from Night in The Woods at the moment. As for a song, not an original piece, Kiss the Sky by Shawn Lee from tftbl.

favorite character from a game? ‒ Ellie Williams.

favorite ship from a game? ‒ I kinda fell hard and fast for Nate and Elena, but really who didn’t?

favorite voice actor from a game? ‒ Who do you think? My boy Troy Baker, of course!

favorite cutscene? ‒ Joel finding Ellie in the restaurant with David, or Nate finding out that Sam lied to him and the heart-wrenching “I left my life for you!”

favorite boss? ‒ Oooohhhhhhhhh.....Asav from The Lost Legacy. Two women beating the shit out of a power-hungry man who is willingly about to destroy a city. Everything about that was fucking perfect.

first console? ‒ the Wii.

current console or consoles? ‒ ps4

console you want? ‒ I’m alright at the moment, but maybe a switch a few years down the line.

place from a game that you’d like to visit? ‒ Arcadia Bay, Possum Springs, Libertalia. Especially Libertalia.

place from a game that you’d like to live in? ‒ You know that one cabin in TLOU where Ellie runs off to? It’s serene and untouched, so either that or Arcadia Bay.

ridiculous crossover that would never happen but would be super fun? ‒ God I don’t even know...

book that would make a good game? ‒ You know, I can’t think of anything at the moment...

show/movie that would make a good game? ‒ Again, I can’t think of anything.

games you want to play? ‒ Shadow of the Colossus, The Last Guardian, and Infamous Second Son

have you gotten 100% completion in a game? ‒ I think for Tales from The Borderlands but don’t quote me.

have you cried over a game? ‒ Is the pope catholic?

what power-up or ability would you want in real life? ‒ I need Max Caulfield’s ability to rewind time. Getting out of sticky situations and reducing my anxiety is worth the several nosebleeds I may get. Also, you know in general, telepathy.

Tagging @persephonethatshit @kaleidoscopegirl @twinvax

#gaming #about me #the last of us #life is strange #bioshock #tales

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music-by-an-english-major · 7 years ago

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In this essay, I will... dissect the song “Better Now” by Post Malone.

If you check the global music charts on Spotify today, you’ll see Post Malone’s “Better Now” sitting with over four million streams (for the day) at number one. After many invested listenings, it slowly became apparent why “Better Now” has so much mass appeal. It is a fascinating track that marries rap and contemporary pop in a way that could only be done in 2018. While it may not be a once-in-a-lifetime musical phenomenon, “Better Now” stands out in its embrace of sonic modernism and an addictive hook.

Overall: 6.5/10

Best Moments:

After a cool guitar intro to start off the song, Malone’s voice completely takes over the track while bringing in the trap beat

Hook is good, simple, singable

Post Malone’s singing is more like angry speaking, but it definitely isn’t rap either... more of a unique, happy medium

3:05 When the beat gets sucked up and we have a moment of sonic peace

Distressed strings in the bridge (“You’re the only love of my life”)

The utterly fascinating outro

Reminds me of Ariana playing with the Mimu gloves

the entire track just opens up and feels angelic

Worst Moments:

“I seen you with your other dude / he sseemed like he was pretty cool / I was so broken over you” - probably the most meaningless/predictable boring lyric

Not as repetitive as the cancerous “Gucci Gang” but still bordering on copy/paste repetitive

Honestly, Malone’s voice is not that special; without the production and the other appeals of the song, it wouldn’t be anything writing home over

Replay Value: Moderate

Keep reading for a professional, long-winded analysis of this song!

Post Malone has previously said that he “just wants to be a person who makes music” without being trapped by genre, and that desire certainly shows itself in “Better Now.” The trap beat backing the track evokes a rap influence while the production of layered melodic content sounds much more like radio-ready pop. I would like to attribute some of this mixing of genre to the producers (listed by Genius) on the track: Louis Bell and Frank Dukes. Bell has been credited as working on tracks by pop stars like Shawn Mendes, Camila Cabello, and Selena Gomez. Dukes, on the other hand, has worked with Kanye West, Drake, and The Weeknd with a repertoire that seems more titled towards R&B and rap. With such a wide variety of influences behind the production of “Better Now,” there is no coincidence that this waffling of genre has appeared. Interestingly enough, this trend of mixed-genre music has surfaced in other recent releases including Bazzi’s COSMIC and Shawn Mendes’s self-titled album.

What makes this blending of genre even more apparent is the quality of Malone’s vocals. His singing on “Better Now” is clearly nothing like the singing you’d hear from Frank Sinatra or Ariana Grande -- which are full of melisma, trans-tessitura vocals, and stadium-ready projection -- because Malone performs comfortably in a song-speak. This is certainly something more common in rap, but at the same time, Malone lacks the distinct rhythmic precision that artists like Chance the Rapper or Cardi B are renowned for. Malone’s vocal work seems most like an aggressive song-speak that sits in the middle ground between different labels of music.

One of the other stand-out facets of this track is its hook. The simple chorus is easily memorizable and singable; even Taylor Swift, an expert at addictive pop hooks, praised the track for its chorus. Many would think that the repetition of the words “Better Now” would get tiring very quickly (and maybe it does for some), but in the musical world where “Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang, Gucci gang” is an acceptable lyric, the repetition of “Better Now” has comparable stamina.

The best iteration of the chorus is the very first one. The song begins with a neat guitar riff that almost sounds like the intro to a 2000s pop-punk track, but then Malone’s voice appears and immediately redefines the song. A few lines into the hook, Malone then draws a very fine line between singing about the girl (“You probably think that you are better now”) and singing about himself (“You know that I say I am better now”). When he switches the subject of attention from the girl to himself at 0:29, the background instrumentals add a layer as if Malone is really saying he’s even more improved than his ex-lover. This could be extrapolated as an example of word painting; Malone says he is better now, and the track itself gets better by filling out the beat.

Overall, songwriting on this track is mediocre. As stated before, the repetition of “Better Now” risks getting exhausting, but it does not make-or-break the song. The first verse of the song shows surprising intimacy and is actually quite admirable. The lines “Used to keep my picture by your bedside / Now it’s in your dresser with the socks you don’t like” are particularly interesting to me. The setting of someone’s bedside establishes vulnerability but it doesn’t actually make the move to be explicit. Mentions of “my uncles and my aunts,” “my friends,” and “my brothers” also builds a personal mood to the verse. It brings the girl and the audience closer and closer to Malone, which is what good songwriting should do. The strength of this verse is what makes the second so disappointing. “I seen you with your other dude / He seemed like he was pretty cool” are lines bland enough to be lifted from a high schooler’s poem from English class. Perhaps this alienation and loss of intimacy can be interpreted as the newfound alienation after Malone and the girl’s separation, but even then, it falls short.

This song review would be remiss if it did not address the very last part of the song. The ending to “Better Now” may be overlooked or ignored by some only here for Malone’s aggressive and catchy hooks, but the final 30 seconds of the track are vitally important to a musician’s ear. The trap beat disappears at 3:18 and there is only some hums, synthesized harmonies, and a weird space-like shimmer to the sound. This ending is definitely not rap, and it’s barely pop; it’s more akin to EDM in the style of Cashmere Cat. It feels like the track has opened up and is no longer full of an angry grit -- the song, like Malone, is better now. It’s at peace. This is only reinforced by the very last melodic motif that the humming voices give us at 3:40: Bb - D - Eb - Bb. This fits into the key of C minor that the song begins in, but because it starts and ends on Bb, it is outlining Bb major. Shifting from minor to major implies resolution -- by the end of the song, Malone is wiser, happier, and better than ever.

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junker-town · 5 years ago

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How retired NBA players are helping each other survive the coronavirus

Spencer Haywood, Thurl Bailey, Dave Cowens are members of the National Basketball Retired Players Association.

Retired NBA players are more vulnerable to the coronavirus than active ones. Here’s what they’re doing about it.

Moments before the NBA suspended its season, Thurl Bailey was at Chesapeake Energy Arena preparing to call a game between the Utah Jazz and Oklahoma City Thunder that would never happen. It was a night like any other, until it wasn’t.

After Jazz all-star Rudy Gobert tested positive for coronavirus and the 18,000-plus person crowd was calmly instructed to exit the building, Bailey, who played in Utah for 10 seasons, was whisked off the court behind Jazz players and broadcast colleagues.

The 58-year-old recalls being led with about seven others into a lounge near the visitor’s locker room. There they sat, eyes glued to a television that was reporting their own surreal experience in real time. Jazz head coach Quin Snyder settled some of Bailey’s nerves when he walked in the room to brief everyone on the situation, as serious as it was. Eventually Bailey was led from that room to another, where medical professionals in protective gear, gloves, and facemasks collected his personal information so he could be tested for Covid-19.

A doctor braced him for the process by letting him know what to expect and how uncomfortable it might be, before a cotton swab was inserted into his nose and mouth. According to Bailey, it was painless and simple. Waiting for results was anything but. After they quarantined at the arena for over four hours, the Jazz spent the night in an Oklahoma City hotel. Bailey sat in his room, concern mounting as he thought about his wife and children.

“What if my test is positive?” he remembers. “Was I next to Rudy? How long was I next to him? Can you receive it if you’re on the same plane as people? All those things you start replaying in your mind.”

In the morning a Jazz employee called Bailey with good news: his results were negative. Soon after, the team flew back to Salt Lake City where they met with Angela Dunn, a state epidemiologist at Utah’s Department of Health. She went over different risk factors, explained the meaning of asymptomatic, and made strong suggestions on how they (and everyone around them) should act through the life-changing days and weeks and months that loomed ahead.

Before the season was suspended, Bailey’s daily responsibilities were not limited to his job as a broadcast analyst for the Jazz. Earlier this month, he was elected as a board of director for the National Basketball Retired Players Association (NBRPA), a 1,000-plus member organization that includes some of the sport’s most integral historic figures — former players from the NBA, WNBA, ABA, and Harlem Globetrotters.

“No one’s immune to [Covid-19], but it is a greater concern for our demographics, if you will,” Bailey says. “A lot of our players are the older generation,” Bailey said.

Right now, in the face of a crippling global pandemic, its members also represent an increasingly vulnerable and shaken segment of society that needs all the security, support, and accurate information they can find. The average member is 55 years old and over 200 of them are at least 70. All are impacted by the coronavirus, stressed over their own future, from a physical, emotional, and financial perspective.

In addition to Bailey — who previously served before he was termed out of the role due to appointment related rules — other recently elected directors include Shawn Marion, Sheryl Swoopes, and Dave Cowens. (Cowens helped found the association in 1992 with Oscar Robertson, Dave Bing, Archie Clark, and Dave DeBusschere.) Johnny Davis was named chairman of the board after spending 34 seasons as an NBA player and coach, while Jerome Williams and Grant Hill were elevated into different roles on the executive committee.

Normally, the association serves multiple functions. It’s a helping hand to members in search of new professional and/or educational opportunities. It reminds them of their own value as walking brand names, and encourages them to engage with the public in different ways. But unfortunately, our current timeline is anything but normal. The NBRPA has always expressed solicitude for its own, but right now its first, second, and third priority is to ensure the health and wellness of every member who feels susceptible.

“No one’s immune to [Covid-19], but it is a greater concern for our demographics, if you will,” Bailey says. “A lot of our players are the older generation.”

The NBRPA has been in front of the issue as best it can. All former players with at least three years service have healthcare coverage, while counseling services, scholarships, grants, and a rainy day fund for any members who are struggling to cope are in place. General awareness of these resources has been spread via email and phone calls, but this pandemic’s unpredictable scale will test mechanisms that have never been burdened by a threat this widespread and relentless.

Many members work part time and are unsure of how they’ll pay their next bill or make future house payments. Dozens have contacted the organization for assistance, which tells NBRPA President and CEO Scott Rochelle that many more may want to. “There’s probably another hundred who need to reach out or haven’t reached out but need the information,” he tells me. “So that’s guiding our efforts to date.”

Spencer Haywood, who just termed out after two straight three-year stints as the NBRPA’s chairman of the board, can’t stop thinking about his fellow members, former teammates, and friends who were suffering even before the globe was blanketed by coronavirus.

“I love them,” Haywood says. “Everybody just calls, ‘Hey can you help me with $300. I need $400, $500. I need this to make my rent. I need this to get food ... We don’t have a revenue stream. All of our guys have to work. They’re doing basketball camps. They’re traveling. They do groups. That’s how they make money ... We’re at the very beginning [of this pandemic], so I know our family, the NBA retired family, we’re gonna have some drama. I’m hoping that it’s not me. But who knows?”

Now 70 and living in Las Vegas, Haywood has done his best to stay as safe as he possibly can, stopping just short of hoarding Purell and essential groceries several weeks ago when his brother, who lives in France, first told him how deadly the virus can be. His four daughters teased him about being overly cautious, but now admit he was right to be so proactive.

Aside from his inability to resist two concerts at the House of Blues, put on by Arrested Development and Leslie Odom Jr. before everything shut down — “I couldn’t help myself!” Haywood laughs. “I went out against orders” — he’s replaced daily trips to the gym with morning yoga and five-mile walks at a nearby park.

While shuttered at home last Saturday afternoon, Haywood — a four-time NBA All-Star and ABA MVP as a 20-year-old rookie — let a few hours pass in front of ESPN’s panoramic Basketball: A Love Story documentary series, which featured his own 1971 Supreme Court case brought against the NBA that essentially allowed amateurs to bypass college and enter the NBA Draft straight out of high school. “I’m sitting there watching,” he laughs. “And I’m like ‘Damn. Pretty nice. I did some deep shit.”

As it rolled across his television, Hayward says a few friends who were also cooped up watching the same thing decided to call him: “They were like, ‘Man, I didn’t know you went through that kind of hell’. And I said ‘You were in the league!’ Man, oh man.”

But the pandemic has also emphasized a few general frustrations Haywood wants to air: “We wasted so much time in fake news and fake this, like shit, dude, if you didn’t want to be president, why did you run?”

He praises the donations made by current players to arena employees who, without NBA games, no longer have a job to do, and appreciates the players union’s unanimous vote that gave healthcare coverage to retired players back in 2016 “[NBPA President] Chris Paul has been a champion,” Haywood says. “I mean truly life saving.”

But in the midst of a broad crisis that will be felt by more former players than are currently under the NBRPA’s umbrella, Haywood also believes today’s stars should make additional contributions. “It’s a survival thing.” he says. “Think about the ones who built it for you. Who built this big conglomerate for you. I think they just don’t know. They never think about us.”

“The thing that bothers me so bad is they don’t know when it’s gonna end,” Cowens says, “Or is it?”

For the NBRPA, spring is typically a busy time of year, with college conference tournaments, the NCAA tournament, the McDonald’s All-American game, and Full Court Press, a nationwide youth clinic launched through the Jr. NBA. In the coming months, members lined up to earn between $250-500k in appearances alone. Instead, thanks to a wave of cancellations, revenue is at zero. There are still engagement opportunities being explored through NBA2K, Twitch, and social media, but the ramifications are undeniable.

Speaking appearances are another source of income for those who can leverage their name and life experience to travel across the country and meet with different people. That includes Haywood’s successor, Davis, the NBRPA’s newly elected chairman. The 64-year-old lives in Asheville, North Carolina, and normally spends his time giving talks at different colleges and universities in the area. He also sits on the foundation board at UNC-Asheville, where he’s heavily involved.

But with those opportunities no longer an option for the foreseeable future, Davis is instead staying put at his home up in the Blue Ridge mountains with his wife and son, where they’ve lived since 2009. “The warning bell has been sounded,” he tells me. “You can see the presence of what this virus has done. You can see it here in terms of how people are moving in their day to day lives. It’s different. It feels different.”

Davis is also spending some time acclimating to his new role with the NBRPA, going through the bylaws with Cowens, who lives in Maine for most of the year but has been down in Ft. Lauderdale since Jan. 10. Despite not having a full-time job, Cowens tries to keep himself busy. Last week he signed and mailed 800 basketball cards for Panini, the memorabilia company, that compensated him for the service. “It’s not a lot, but it’s enough to pay a few bills,” he says.

The Hall of Famer currently lives two blocks from the beach in a 19-story building, with 12 units on each floor. He’s neighborly, but most of the residents are on the older side, and over the past couple weeks everybody has kept to themselves.

Nights are spent out on his balcony, drinking an occasional glass of wine. When asked about the NBA deciding to suspend its season, Cowens says he would’ve liked to see at least one game played without any fans in the stands. The sound of squeaking shoes, shouting coaches, grunting players, and a natural silence that would otherwise be filled by the Jumbotron reminds him of old exhibition games that his Celtics used to play against the Knicks in upstate New York. Only 1,500 people were in the stands.

But there are more pressing matters on his mind. Now 71, Cowens is troubled by everything we don’t know about the coronavirus, how there’s no vaccine or direct word from the inflicted about how it made them actually feel. He worries about his wife. He checks up on old college buddies from Florida State, and recently phoned former Celtics teammate Don Chaney, who’s dealing with a heart condition and is likely at a higher risk than most.

“There’s so much uncertainty. If you’re feeling fine, but all of a sudden you start feeling sick, you then say ‘Am I gonna die from this?’ And so you don’t know. Young people don’t care because they’re already immune to everything in the world anyway. They’re gonna live forever. But they’re young, that’s how they think, and for the most part they’re in pretty good shape for dealing with this,” Cowens starts to chuckle. “So I don’t hang out at the clubs anymore. That’s not part of the schedule.”

No one interviewed for this story can compare such active worldwide disruption to anything they’ve witnessed or experienced firsthand. None can think of anything that comes close. It’s an unknown anxiety, like walking a plank while blindfolded from an unknown height. The future grows more murky by the day. “The thing that bothers me so bad is they don’t know when it’s gonna end,” Cowens says, “Or is it?”

He reminisces about his childhood in Newport, Kentucky. Cowens’ grandparents and aunt lived upstairs, in the same house as his parents and brother. His aunt would entertain with stories about getting to see Jim Thorpe (the only sports hero Cowens ever had) race with her own two eyes.

Cowens thinks about that time; how his grandfather lived to see his 60s despite serving in World War I and then enduring the Spanish Flu, which killed as many as 50 million people across the world. “People are going to survive,” Cowens says. That’s true. But the coronavirus will still crash into so many different lives, and so far the mortality rate for those it infects is substantially higher in seniors with underlying health issues.

Preparing for a disease that will infect and bankrupt thousands of people everyday was never in the NBRPA‘s sight line, and, frankly, it’d be a little silly if it was. Very few organizations in this country, if any, were prepared. But that hasn’t stopped them from doing whatever they can to steady the emotional wave so many are flailing through.

Right now, the organization’s primary motivation is to keep a bad situation from getting worse, and so far most retired players are doing whatever they can to limit the damage. Social distancing and self-quarantining are two examples of individual responsibility each person must take seriously. Most retired players are. The NBRPA can’t help those who won’t help themselves, but they can spread facts and manageable tactics that will save lives. The minefield of misinformation can in many ways be as dangerous as an errant cough.

Towards the end of his career, Bailey spent four seasons playing overseas. Three of them were in Italy, where he formed lifelong friendships. For the last five summers, he’s gone back to put on a basketball camp. Over the past couple weeks, Bailey has been texting with those who know firsthand what the coronavirus is capable of. They beg him to take it seriously. Given his position with the NBRPA, those around him are fortunate that he is.

“Our organization is staying on top of our members and their families to make sure they’re getting through it,” Bailey says. “It’s something that will always be etched in history. I was there. I was there the day the dominoes started to fall in Oklahoma City. In the sports world, anyway.”

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shes-soparticular · 6 years ago

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Wouldn’t Fall for Someone I Thought Couldn’t Misbehave

Let’s just say jealousy gets the best of Shawn when he takes you to see one of your favorite musicians.

Warning(s): Heavy Smut.

A/N: Listened to Pillowtalk one too many times and then this happened.

Words: 4425

"Okay wait, what the hell is this all about?" You gesture up and down his body, implying his demeanor. "What did I miss?"

You’re expecting him to brush past you and park himself in front of his X-Box, but instead his hips push into yours until your back hits the kitchen island. His eyes meet yours for a moment, his hands ready and waiting at the bottom of your skirt. Without words, you know exactly what he’s asking when his gaze goes that impossibly dark. Ever the gentleman, he even finds a way to ask permission before completely railing you. Returning his gaze with a slight nod, his hands resume their path further up your thighs. His callused fingers hook into the sides of your panties and roughly drag the red fabric downwards without warning. They skim down your thighs and land at the top of your boots. “Red panties? Really y/n? And I’m the one just imagining things?” His voice is gruff, matching the intensity of his hands. Before you can shoot back a sarcastic retort, he has a firm grip on your hips, spinning you around with one quick movement. The sudden maneuver almost makes you lose your balance, but your hands catch the edge of the counter top just in time. Considering the fact that you can hardly ever shut up, you’re still thinking of a comeback as you hear him unbuckle his belt behind you and the telltale sound of his zipper traveling south. You clench at the sound, cursing yourself under your breath for the wetness he’s about to find. You want to have the upper hand, to be immune to his advances. But your body betrays you just the way it always does. While he hitches the bottom of your skirt up over your hips, you feel his cock pressing against your center. How the hell did he get that hard that fast?? And why is it that jealousy seems to get you two this goddamn horny? You’re sure that’s a question for your therapist, but right now, all you know is that your body will absolutely burst into flames if he’s not balls deep inside you immediately. “Are you going to fuck me or wh-”

Before you’re able to finish the sentence, he pushes into you with such force your words twist into a strangled moan. He immediately sets a punishing pace, slamming into you repeatedly while his fingers white knuckle your hips the way they had the steering wheel. Your clothed chest presses against the counter, the cool marble providing slight relief to your burning skin. There’s no kisses to your shoulder, no hushed affirmations or words of admiration, just pure, animalistic fucking. He’s claiming his territory even though you both know there’s no need. You’re so completely, miserably, passionately his. But tonight, the vision of you dancing and singing like a fangirl for someone else? It’s unlocked a deep insecurity in him and clearly, as a man, the only way he can deal with it is to fuck it out of his system. Somehow, his thrusts speed up even faster as he grabs one of your shoulders for leverage and you swear to god your vision is starting to go black. Even though he’s very, very cruelly ignoring your clit (this is a punishment, after all), he angles your hips so that his cock drives into your g spot relentlessly. You can hear yourself moaning, but it’s all intelligible nonsense. As your body climbs toward orgasm, you start pushing your ass back into him, trying to return the thrusts. When you’rt about to tumble over the edge of your climax, you feel him spill inside of you, his hips flush against your ass. He pulls out with the final twitch of his release, and even though your head is swimming, you know exactly why. This skirt, those panties, these boots? He wants to mark them. The next time you wear them, he doesn’t want you to think about the Hozier concert. He wants you to think about being fucked hard over the kitchen counter and his cum dripping out of you and staining that skirt, those panties, these boots. And he’ll definitely get his way.

“A demand, eh? Alright, let’s hear it.” There’s a smug look on his face, but you already know he’s not going to be pleased with your contingency.

Hearing the determined tone in your voice, he resultantly drops his hands to the bed. With a devious smirk, you rock backwards so that your ass is firmly pressed to his crotch. You continue moving your hips back and forth, painfully slow, as you reach up to rid yourself of your shirt. You see his fists clench as your breasts fall free, knowing he’s dying to reach up and brush his thumbs over your dusky nipples. “See? It’s not so hard not to touch.” Running your hands up your sides, you cup your own breasts, head falling back as you give them a soft squeeze. Meanwhile, you grind your pelvis harder into his, a wet spot growing on your panties and betraying you once again. Although you want to act like you’re unphased, like you could dry hump all night long and stay in control of yourself, you both know that isn’t true. You’ve been waiting for this orgasm for hours and as terribly as you want to make him pay for his bad behavior, your pussy is in absolute objection. Sometimes that chick just has a mind and agenda of her own. You make quick work of the under garments dividing the two of you and perch yourself over his length. Rather than sinking down, you stop yourself centimeters short. Reaching down, you delicately press two fingers to your clit, rubbing yourself in soft, slow circles. Through hooded eyes, you see Shawn straining not to touch you, his hands balled in the sheets.

“Okay, that’s not fucking fair, babe.” His hands start to reach for your hips, but you once again grab his wrists. Leaning forward to pin them on either side of his head.

“Don’t even joke, y/n, you know my soft heart can’t take it.” And with that, he rolls you on to your back, lips capturing yours once more. You have a feeling the night isn’t over quite yet…and you couldn’t be happier.

#shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes #warning: smut

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watchingthesuperbowl · 7 years ago

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Notes taken during Super Bowl XXIX

PREGAME

This is an ABC broadcast.

Introductions: Chargers defense. Mostly a whole bunch of players I barely remember. And Junior Seau, of course. Bobby Ross! I'd forgotten he was the coach of this San Diego team. He did a heck of a job.

Introductions: Niners offense. I'd forgotten about the black drop shadow behind the numbers on these uniforms. Nice applause for Steve Young.

Star Spangled Banner. Is that Kathie Lee Gifford?!? Did they really just have the broadcaster's wife do it? Yes it is and yes they did.

Coin toss. Otto Graham, Ray Nitschke, Joe Greene, and Gale Sayers. 49ers win the toss and will receive.

FIRST QUARTER

Short kickoff, Dexter Carter returns it to the 27 or so. Penalty on the play. Facemask on the Chargers. Personal foul, Niners start at the 41.

First play: Fullback William Floyd up the middle for 4 yards.

Two plays later, Young deep down the middle to Jerry Rice for an easy touchdown. Looks like the same play the Niners ran over and over in SB XXIV against the Broncos, shredding their two-deep zone. 7-0 San Francisco, 1:24 into the game. The fastest touchdown in Super Bowl history.

If this looks familiar...

It's probably because you saw Super Bowl XXIV.

Jerry Rice is the first player in history with 5 career Super Bowl touchdowns.

Great kick coverage from the Niners. Chargers start at their 15.

Ken Norton is starting at linebacker for the 49ers, looking for his third consecutive Super Bowl ring. For what it's worth, Chargers backup QB Gale Gilbert is hoping to not lose his fifth Super Bowl in a row.

Third and 1, Chargers run a play action pass, Humphries rolls right and misses an open receiver. San Diego goes three and out and will punt. Good kick from Bryan Wagner to the San Francisco 21, a kick of 55 yards.

Dierdorf describes the first touchdown as a bonehead play by the San Diego defense. The safeties froze.

Third and three, Steve Young pulls it down and runs for 15 or so. He's just the best. A legitimately great passer who's also a good running back.

Next play, Young to Ricky Watters deep down the middle. Once again victimizing the San Diego safeties. Watters breaks a tackle and is gone for a 51 yard score. 14-0, less than five minutes into the game.

Dierdorf: I'm in favor of rewinding to the national anthem and starting over.

Weirdly, Chargers starting safety Darren Carrington, part of the defense that's been eviscerated in the early going, was on the Broncos team that lost Super Bowl XXIV to the Niners by 45 points.

Niners: 7 plays, 14 points.

First quarter points, this postseason: San Francisco 42, San Diego 0

Next Chargers drive, third and 4, Humphries finds Ronnie Harmon coming across the middle. Harmon's second catch on this drive. First down into San Francisco territory.

Lynn Swann: Chargers coach Bobby Ross has been on the referees to remind them Deion Sanders can't touch receivers more than 5 yards downfield.

Third and 2, Ronnie Harmon runs for about 8. ABC announcers had all agreed they'd go for it on fourth down had they not picked up the first down here.

Second and 6, Natrone Means blows a hole through the defensive line. Gets to the 10. Deion Sanders is in on the tackle, starts high fiving people. Deion hated tackling people.

Humphries throws into the end zone to Shawn Jefferson. Sanders was holding him. It's called. First and goal from the 1. 2:48 left in the quarter. 13th play of the drive coming up.

Natrone Means dives over the top and gets into the end zone on first down. 13 play drive, 28 yards, took about 7:30, a great drive. 14-7 Niners, 2:44 left in the first quarter.

Dierdorf: (Chargers RB) Eric Bieniemy is still upset about what happened to him in warmups. I have no idea what that was.

First play of the Niners' drive, play action pass to Rice over the middle to midfield. Young is shredding the middle of the Chargers' defense.

With that touchdown, Natrone Means passed William Perry to become the youngest player to score a touchdown in the Super Bowl.

Reverse! Young to Watters to Jerry Rice. 10 yard gain to the San Diego 41.

Gifford: If you double cover Jerry Rice, that means single coverage on John Taylor, and he can kill you.

Second and 11, Chargers get pressure on Young, so he spins and runs for 15. There may not be a player in the history of football who was more fun to watch than Steve Young. He's amazing.

First quarter ends. Niners driving, up 14-7.

SECOND QUARTER

Most yards gained in one quarter, in a Super Bowl: 1. Washington (XXII) 356, 2. San Francisco (XXIII) 206, 3. San Francisco (today) 193.

First and goal from the 5, Young to Floyd at the two and he falls into the end zone. That was easy. 21-7.

Al Michaels: William Floyd won a national championship last year at Florida State. He's trying to win a Super Bowl this year.

San Francisco: 3 possessions, 3 touchdowns.

Cutaway: Jerry Rice walking to the locker room. He took a shot to his left shoulder on the reverse earlier.

First play of the drive, Stan Humphries snowed under by Dana Stubblefield. He had no chance.

Third and 17, Humphries forces a throw into coverage. Could easily have been picked off, but is knocked away instead. Three and out. Wagner will punt.

Dierdorf: The Chargers need to take chances. If they don't take chances, they're dead.

Rice apparently has a shoulder strain and it's being iced.

Third and 5, Young bounces one off of Ed McCaffrey's hands. Klaus Wilmsmeyer will punt after a three and out.

Flag down on the first play of the Charger drive. Means was stuffed on a run, then a Chargers offensive lineman (Isaac Davis) is called for unnecessary roughness after the play. Half the distance to the goal. They lose the down and the yardage.

2nd and 19, Stan Humphries decked by Dana Stubblefield as he throws deep. Just misses Ronnie Harmon and it's now 3rd and 19. Humphries has all year to throw on third down and misses Alfred Pupunu. They'll punt from the end zone.

The punt is tipped - there was a clear double thud - but it somehow gets to midfield. Niners take over there after a 41 yard blocked punt.

The mystery of the 41-yard blocked punt

Jerry Rice got some extra padding on his shoulder and is ready to go. The next two plays are passes to Rice.

Second and 6, Young rolls out and finds an open Jerry Rice, who hits the "stop" button on his controller, allows the defense to run past him, and picks up the first down.

After a William Floyd run, the Niners are inside the 10.

Steve Young: 13-17, 187 yards, 3 TD.

Deion Sanders: First player ever to appear in a World Series and a Super Bowl.

Chargers blitz, Young reads it absolutely perfectly and flips it to Ricky Watters in the flat. He's wide open and goes in untouched. 28-7 Niners.

Dierdorf: There are more than a few coaches around the league that think this is the greatest offensive machine ever assembled.

Michaels: Weirdest score in the regular season was Philadelphia 40, San Francisco 8. Niners were 3-2 at that point and people were calling for Seifert's job.

Young: 15-19, 201 yards, 4 TD

Chargers get a first down. Humphries to Seay down the middle, to the San Diego 43.

Reverse! Humphries to Means to Shawn Jefferson into Niners territory.

Michaels: Chargers came back from 18 point deficit to win in week 1. Won three games in which they were down 10+ points.

Screen to Bieniemy beats a blitz and he. is. fast. Zips down the sideline to the Niners 13. One play later, we reach the two minute warning.

Charger receivers drop two catchable balls in the end zone and John Carney comes out to attempt a short field goal. Yep, got it. 28-10, 1:44 left in the half.

Promo: Tuesday on ABC, a special preview of the new series "The Marshal". I don't remember it at all, but it apparently lasted two seasons.

First play of the drive, Young lofts one deep for Brent Jones who makes a nice catch and gets out of bounds in Chargers territory. Dierdorf suggests this just isn't fair because the 49ers are so good.

Michaels: San Francisco offensive coordinator Mike Shanahan is #1 on Denver's list for a new head coach, #1 on Philadelphia's list, and would be #1 on the Rams' list if he were interested. Dierdorf says it'll be back to reality for Shanahan wherever he lands. I'd say he did okay for himself in Denver.

Niners offense: 34 plays, 305 yards, 9.0 yards per play.

Steve Young misses a wide open Brent Jones on third down. Young knows he blew it. He's clearly upset with himself as Doug Brien comes on to attempt a long-ish field goal. The grass is wet - this is no easy kick. And...it's not close. Short and wide on a 47-yard attempt. Replay shows holder Klaus Wilmsmeyer had the laces all kinds of wrong on the hold.

Laces out, Dan.

Third down, Humphries chucks the pigskin deep to an open Martin. He hangs the throw a bit and Eric Davis intercepts it. I'm not sure that should be ruled a pick - it flew out when he hit the ground and I'm not certain he had control.

Young takes a knee and it's now halftime. 28-10.

THIRD QUARTER

Dierdorf: Chargers just cannot make mistakes in the second half. They need to be perfect. And then Andre Coleman slips and falls on the kickoff return as Rodney Harrison blocks a Niner in the back. That is the opposite of perfect. They start at the 9.

304 yards in the first half for the 49ers is the second-most of any team in any half in this history of the Super Bowl.

San Diego's star running back Natrone Means hobbles off after the first play of the second half. That's not good. Looks like it's his left ankle.

Chargers go three and out.

Lynn Swann: Bobby Ross was upset at halftime. His team played poorly, dropped passes, blew assignments. Lesley Visser says the Niners were very businesslike, quietly confident.

Wow, they sacked Steve Young. Ray Lee Johnson makes a nice move to beat the right tackle. Second and 17 on the next play, so Young hits Jerry Rice for 23 or so. Ho hum. A routine 20+ yard completion for this Niners team.

2nd and 3 from the 10 or so, Young calls an audible at the line, hands it to Ricky Watters and raises his arms before Watters gets to the end zone. He was that certain it was a touchdown and it was. 35-10. This is utter annihilation.

That seems like a lot of 49ers.

Nice kick return from San Diego's Andre Coleman, nearly out to the 40.

2nd and 6, play action pass, great throw down the left sideline to Alfred Pupunu. Nice catch too.

Dierdorf: One thing it's easy to miss is how well Stan Humphries is playing. He keeps putting the ball on the money and his receivers have let him down too often.

Third and 7, another dropped ball and Bobby Ross has a decision to make. They'll go for it.

Fourth down, pass is knocked down by Eric Davis. There's a flag, but it's offensive face mask against Mark Seay. Needless to Seay, that's declined and San Francisco gets the ball near their 35.

Cutaway: Natrone Means on the San Diego sideline, getting into the grills of his teammates.

Dierdorf: There are some people who say we should scrap the conference system and go to a seeding system. That likely would have produced San Francisco vs. Dallas. It's also a terrible idea.

Second and 10 for the Niners, Steve Young scrambles for another first down. He's so good. Niners are inside the 20 again.

Third down from the 15, Young to Jerry Rice for another touchdown. ABC shows a shot of Young on his back after the throw with his arms up in the air in celebration. 42-10. Michaels says they're on their way to 49 points. It was a throwaway comment, but it's true.

ANDRE COLEMAN. On the ensuing kickoff, Coleman blows through the kick coverage and goes untouched, the length of the field. He's looked dangerous the whole game, and he finally housed one. 42-16 and the Chargers will go for the first two-point conversion in Super Bowl history. Got it. Humphries to Seay coming across the middle. It's 42-18.

The red sea parts

On the Niners' next drive, Ray Lee Johnson gets another sack. His second of the game; he had 1.5 in the entire regular season.

The Chargers' defense puts together a three-and-out. They're not quite completely dead yet, though it's close. 1:22 left in the third quarter, it's a 24-point game and San Diego has the ball.

Niners running a 4-1-6 defense. They know San Diego has to throw on nearly every play.

4th and 1, Means has nowhere to go up the middle. He cuts it back and tries to go left. Humphries throws a great block, particularly for a quarterback, but Means loses yardage and the Niners get the ball.

Bobby Ross had this look on his face for most of Super Bowl XXIX.

We reach the end of the third quarter. 42-18 San Francisco.

FOURTH QUARTER

Gifford: 170+ countries watching the game tonight.

Young to Rice, quick slant, perfect throw, touchdown. Young's sixth touchdown pass, an all-time one-game Super Bowl record. He broke Joe Montana's record, set in Super Bowl XXIV. This just isn't fair. 49-18. If it wasn't over before, it is now.

Another good kickoff return from Andre Coleman. Gets out near the 40 again.

Cutaway: Elvis Grbac warming up on the sidelines. Steve Young wearing a baseball cap - his night is almost certainly over.

Most points in one postseason: '94 Niners (this team), 131.

Humphries throws deeeeeeeeep down the right sideline. Nice throw but it's a smidge out of bounds and Shawn Jefferson's catch is (correctly) ruled incomplete. Humphries gets decked on the play and has some kind of leg injury. Gale Gilbert is warming up on the sideline - he was the third string QB for all of the Bills' Super Bowl losses. He's about to lose his fifth consecutive Super Bowl.

Replay shows Bryant Young hit Humphries in the side of the knee. Not a dirty hit, but it's enough to knock him out of the lineup.

So Gale Gilbert finally gets into a Super Bowl. Scrambles for around 7 yards on his first play. Next play is his first pass attempt and first completion. They're inside the Niners' 40, not that it matters.

Now Gilbert to another Bills refugee, Ronnie Harmon, down the middle. He gets to the 12. Then on the next play, Gilbert to Harmon again, to the San Francisco 7.

Fourth and six, Gilbert is rushed and throws it up for grabs in the end zone. Deion Sanders picks it off and Ronnie Harmon blasts him at the San Francisco 14. Harmon gets in his face and Deion politely points out where Ronnie can see the stadium's scoreboard.

“The scoreboard is over there.”

Jerry Rice: 10 catches, 149 yards, 3 TD. His day is over, but what a day it was.

Deion Sanders is in at wide receiver. Dierdorf: What do you think Bobby Ross thinks about this?

Niners go deep to Deion, who had beaten Derrien Gordon badly. Should have been a defensive pass interference on the safety coming across to help, but no call and it's incomplete. Niners punt.

It’s never a good thing when your cornerback is in the background, five yards behind the receiver.

Start of the next Chargers' drive, Humphries throws deep and is picked by Toi Cook. Cook behaves as if he's just made the greatest play in the history of football.

Cutaway: Mr. and Mrs. Grit Young, Steve's parents.

Grit.

Less than 5 minutes left, Humphries in a no-huddle offense.

Dierdorf: I can tell you exactly how the Chargers feel right now. Michaels: That great Cardinals legacy? Dierdorf: Yep.

Cutaway: Jerry Rice's wife Jackie.

Cutaway: Steve Young and Jerry Rice hug

George Seifert is already wearing a Super Bowl XXIX Champions jacket. Smooth.

Chargers to the San Francisco 30 as the two-minute warning approaches. The game is so out of hand that ABC shows George Seifert getting the Gatorade dumped on him instead of the Stan Humphries to Tony Martin TD pass that happens at the same time.

Chargers go for two, Humphries finds Alfred Pupunu, who does football's best celebration: pantomiming ripping the top off the football and drinking it. 49-26.

Music in the stadium: Whoomp! There It Is

Chargers attempt an onside kick. Niners recover.

Cutaway: Deion Sanders talking to the camera: "I love you, mama."

Most points, both teams, in a Super Bowl: 75 (SB XXIX)

Michaels: Can the 49ers keep offensive coordinator Mike Shanahan or will he go the Broncos or Eagles? And what of defensive coordinator Ray Rhodes? He also might leave to be a head coach.

3rd and 24, Former Oregon Duck Bill Musgrave in at QB for the Niners. Seifert is getting everybody into the game. Neat. He completes a short pass and they'll punt.

Chargers moving the ball, but nobody really cares. Complete pass to Alfred Pupunu because Alfred Pupunu is awesome. San Diego calls timeout with less than a minute left, down 23 points, because...well, I dunno. But they did.

Dierdorf: Stan Humphries has played a pretty doggone good football game.

Cutaway: Niners LB Gary Plummer on the sideline with his kids.

Blink twice if you need help.

Cutaway: Former Broncos backup QB Gary Kubiak, who sends the plays in to Steve Young. He'll get a ring.

Steve Young named MVP. I should say so, though Jerry Rice had a monster game.

Deion being Deion.

Michaels: "Hearts beating all over the land as Humphries throws incomplete."

Now it's fourth down. The Chargers need 23 points in the next two seconds. Let's see if they do it.

Nope, Humphries throws it out the back of the end zone.

Final score: San Francisco 49, San Diego 26.

POSTGAME

Niners are the first team to win 5 Super Bowls.

#nfl #football #super bowl #super bowl xxix #san francisco #san diego #49ers #chargers #san francisco 49ers #san diego chargers

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pixiedreamer21 · 8 years ago

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Rileytown in Flames Part 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Girl Meets World or anything else except the idea for this story.

Summery: The first time it happened, it came out of nowhere....now it's her daily reminder on how worthless and unimportant she really is. This is a day by day of when Riley was being bullied and how it really affected her.

Warning: This story is rated T for bullying triggers. While I don't use vulgar language, the messages the bully sends are not nice at all. Warnings for depression as well as small hints of self harm. If you or someone you know is being bullied or this subject is sensitive to you, I urge you to read with caution. Also, know that you are not alone.

I also want to warn that I use the word retarded once and it kills me because I HATE HATE HATE using that word in any circumstance but the bully is a jerk and I know unfortunately people use that word in an insulting way.

XOXOXOX

(Day 1)

The first time it happened, it came out of nowhere. She was leaving class with Farkle and Maya who were a little behind her, talking about something in hushed whispers, when her phone goes off.

*Ding*

Riley looks at her phone curiously and sees a familiar name, yet not one she sees on her phone often. Maybe something was wrong and she needed her help. They weren't close friends, but she was always willing to help someone if they needed her.

(You realize they're only friends with you because they feel sorry for you right?! They aren't even including you in their convos!)

She looks up from her phone and sees her across the room with a smirk on her face. She gives a pointed look at Farkle and Maya who were close together laughing before she closes her locker and walks away. She had a smug look on her face, like she was proud of herself for sending that text message.

Riley looks to her friends and puts a smile on her face like normal. She wasn't going to let her classmate bother her and plant doubts about her friendships in her head. Maya and Farkle were her best and longest friends.

“What are you guys talking about?” Riley asked them in her normal happy tone. However, her smile slowly fades when she sees them give each other an odd look and Maya shrugs.

“Oh nothing.” She says before lacing her arm through Riley's and leading her away from Farkle.

Her smile is long gone. Well...well maybe they weren't talking about anything important. Maybe they were planning a surprise party for her birthday....five months early. Maybe.... But they seemed like they were having a good conversation; they were laughing after all. They definitely weren't laughing at her...

Were they?

Later, on the subway when Maya gets off at her stop, saying that she had to go home because her mom had the day off; Riley hugged her and wished her a good time. She knows her mom works a lot and Maya never gets to spend a lot of time with her.

For the longest time, Maya used to resent her mom for never being around; blaming her mom for her dad leaving. However, after she met and bonded with her godfather Shawn Hunter, she realized how hard her mom was working to make a life for Maya.

She's so proud of the person Maya is becoming; being supportive of her mom working so hard to give Maya a good life. She may just be a waitress trying to make it as an actress; but she loved Maya more than anything and would do anything for her.

Not even a minute after Maya gets off at her stop, she hears her phone.

*Ding*

(They're going to hang out without you. I see them together all the time. They all seem so much closer when you're not around. Especially Lucas and Maya. Thought I'd be a friend and let you know.)

She scoffs as she reads the message and angrily shoves her phone into the bottom of her backpack. Now she knew that she was lying. Her best friends wouldn't hang out and not tell her. Plus Lucas and Maya!? That was just crazy. They teased each other constantly.

But as hard as she tried she couldn't stop thinking about her message. When she got off the subway she could see HER smirking in her seat a couple feet away.

As hard as she tried, she couldn't get her message out of her head. Throughout dinner she could barley hear her family talk about their days, or her parents ask her if she was okay. All she could do is nod and say she was fine before locking herself in her room for the rest of the night.

There was no way she was right. Farkle, Maya, Zay, and even Smackle were her friends. Lucas and her had their unofficial thing! Maya would never have feelings for Lucas and not tell her.

XOXOXOX

That night she dreamed she was standing behind a sound proof glass as she watched all her friends happy and laughing while they sat at Topanga's Bakery. They seemed to be having the time of their lives as they said horrible things about her.

“She is so ditzy! I can't believe she made it to the 8th grade and didn't get held back.” Farkle scoffed and shuddering at the thought of her so close to him.

“I can't believe I ever had a crush on her! I mean Maya is understandable, she's gorgeous but Riley!? She's so...plain; she's got nothing on you two ladies.” He continued before giving an affectionate look to his girlfriend.

“It's only because her dad is one of her teachers. If Mr. Matthews was just a normal parent, she probably would have been suggested to stay in primary school.” Smackle states as a matter of fact and Farkle nods in agreement.

“Yeah I just don't get it. At first I thought she was adorable but then she had to go and open her mouth! I mean she's so clueless! To think that she had a real shot with my buddy Luke.” Zay mhmed to the others and nodding towards Lucas who was rolling his eyes.

“Yeah I know what you mean buddy, I only told Riley I liked her because I didn't want her to have a meltdown about being rejected.” He said dismissively.

As if their words weren't enough to make Riley scream until her throat was sore; the worst part was the fact that Maya was sitting on Lucas' lap giggling at everyone talking bad about her.

(Day 2)

She wakes up the next morning to her phone going off. She has a horrible feeling in her stomach but grabs the phone anyway.

(Good morning Sunshine pleasant sleep? Maybe you'll do us all the favor of staying home today and spare us your annoying presence.)

She feels like her heart drops as she gets out of bed. She looks at herself in the mirror and tries to really look at herself. Was she really annoying? Was her friends in her dream right? Was she just a ditzy, plain Jane that no one wanted to be around? She bites her lip to to stop them from trembling. No, she had to be wrong...

She must have looked at her reflection for a good ten minutes before her mother's voice woke her from her trance.

She had to stop thinking about herself this way. SHE was not going to dim her spirits; SHE was just being cruel to her for no reason and spreading lies about her friends.

She walks into her kitchen to see Maya sitting in her usual seat munching on cereal. She tried perking up as they talked through out breakfast.

Maya was her best friend in the world, she would never let anyone talk about her like they were in her dream. She was just being silly.

As they walked to the bus stop, Maya was telling her about last night with her mom, Riley listening while she tried not to run into the many people in the streets until she heard her friend mention Lucas, Zay, and Farkle.

Riley abruptly stopped and looked at Maya.

“Wait, what was that?” She asked and Maya smiles at her and gives a little laugh.

“Stuck in Rileytown again, weren't you? I was just saying how after dinner with my mom I saw the guys at the ice cream place.” She mentions it like it's no big deal but Riley feels like she just got punched in the stomach.

She replays the text message from yesterday in her head over and over again. Do they really hang out without her all the time?

*Bing*

(Stop smiling so much. You bug the crap out of everyone and it makes you look so stupid.)

Riley holds in her tears she feels building in her eyes as she reads the message. She really looks stupid because she smiles all the time? What was so wrong with looking on the bright side?

“Who was that?” Maya asks her and Riley shakes her head.

“My mom. She's making sure I do my chores when I get home.” She lies without even thinking about it. She probably should tell Maya, she would know what to do. However, at the same time she couldn't help but feel like SHE was right and Maya and the gang were keeping things from her as well.

She decided that Maya didn't need to know.

Maya groans in mild annoyance. “I thought we were going to hang out with everyone when we finish our homework!”

Riley shrugs as if her heart wasn't breaking.

“I guess you'll have to go without me.” She mutters.

“Like I'm sure you've done many times before.” She thinks to herself spitefully.

“Yeah but it won't be the same.” Maya pouted.

“I bet you guys won't even miss me.” Riley thinks to herself before they get in the subway car.

When they get to school Riley had to act like everything was okay. She smiled at everyone like normal but she felt like she was living a lie.

When she smiled and said good morning to Lucas, she couldn't help but feel like he was staring at Maya longer than he usually does.

*Bing*

(You're an idiot if you think a hottie like Lucas would want you over anyone else. Over Maya.)

Riley puts her phone away when her father walks into class. She couldn't even hear what lesson was being given because she was too busy digging her nails into her arm to keep herself from crying.

She really was an idiot. Maybe it was time to stop smiling so much. XOXOX

(Day 3)

It's only been three days but Riley could feel her ray of sunshine self slowly slipping away. Every morning she wakes up to messages from HER. Usually they are telling her that she should stay home and to give the world a break from her stupidity and clumsiness. She tried not to let it bother her.

Throughout the day whenever her phone would go off, she would try and stop herself from looking at whatever message was waiting for her. She didn't want to read them, however, it was like an outer body experience and before she knew it she was reading the next horrible thought that SHE thought Riley needed to know. The messages changed but they became her constant reminder on how worthless she was and how everyone would be better off without her.

(You know, I think your dad likes Maya more than you)

She got that message right after History, where the lesson of the day was about the class's past. Maya of course, didn't want to participate because she says it was her past that made her broken.

Her dad, being like a surrogate father to Maya, is trying to teach her that her bad past helped her become the blessed person she is today.

A part of her could understand why someone would think that her dad favors Maya but what she couldn't understand was how SHE knew what was going on in her History class.

Was SHE talking about her with other people? Did more people think this way about her?

As she puts her phone away she can feel Lucas walk with her towards the lunch room.

“Hey, are you feeling okay? You seem a little quiet.” He comments and gives her a look of concern. Riley looks at him and she can almost forget every horrible thing that has been on her phone the last couple days.

Lucas always had that way to make her happy. He was her Pluto.

“Yeah, I'm okay. I just have a lot on my mind lately.” She tells him and she's hoping that he asks her what it was about. A big part of her wants to tell him about...about the messages.

Before Lucas can say anything, Maya swoops in and wraps her arms around them both.

“Hey Riles, stuck in Rileytown again?” She jokes and Riley tries to smile at her. She knows Maya is just teasing, but why does she have to do it all the time? Her head isn't always stuck in the clouds. Maya is making her feel like she's being laughed at.

“No Peaches, just thinking.” She answers with a false cheerful smile on her face. She wonders why Maya and the rest of them haven't been able to differentiate her fake smiles from her real ones.

She breaks apart from them and watches them continue to walk and talk to the lunchroom; Maya's arm still around him.

*Bing*

(Don't they look cozy? Oh and what's Rileytown?)

Riley's heart stopped. She had a feeling it was about to get a lot worse. XOXOXOX

(Day 4)

*Bing*

(Wakey Wakey Loser, get your head out of Rileytown and join the human race like a normal person!)

Riley groans when she reads the message and throws her head back on the bed and puts her pillow over her head. She would not let this girl destroy her sacred place. Rileytown was something her and Maya invented as her safe place for her to be herself; almost like her Bay Window. Now that SHE knew about it, it's like she's made it her life mission to destroy Rileytown and all it represents.

She drags herself out of bed and was about to head into the kitchen for breakfast when she heard the familiar noise that seems to haunt her.

*Bing*

(If I were you, I'd wear something loose. You're so fat! God how can anyone look at you without barfing!)

Her hand is on her doorknob and she can see her hand is trembling. She walks back towards her mirror and looks at her outfit that she choose for today. She was wearing a form sitting T-shirt and skinny jeans. Before when she looked in the mirror she thought she looked okay. Now, however, she noticed her stomach was poking out, making her look like she was either pregnant or wearing cloths that obviously didn't fit into. Her arms were jiggling, and her growing curves looked a lot bigger than what they were supposed to look like.

She quickly ripped off her outfit before putting on a long maxi dress and a putting on a sweater over her arms to hide her fat.

There. Now she didn't look as bad as she did before.

Nodding to herself she walked into the kitchen.

“Morning Riley.” She hears her mom say before placing a large stack of pancakes in front of her.

“Eat up baby girl. I know these are your favorite.” She says before patting her on the head and finishing up Auggie's breakfast.

She looked at her plate of food with disgust. All those pancakes, all those carbs would go right to her stomach and thighs; she couldn't eat this.

Just then, Maya walks inside like she owns the place and sits down in her normal seat.

“Morning Riles, you almost ready?” Her beautiful blonde friend says and Riley just smiles at her sadly.

No wonder everyone loved her. She was tough, beautiful, thin, and she knew how to handle herself. She was the perfect girl. Riley knew she would never be as wonderful as her best friend.

“Hey, you gonna eat that?” Maya asks and Riley shook her head before pushing her plate towards her.

It's not like Maya would gain the weight.

When they got to school, her phone went off again.

*Bing*

(God you're so ugly! Why don't you get home schooled so we don't have to look at you?! Where did you get that outfit the garbage can of the Goodwill?!)

She sadly puts her phone away before walking over to her friends who were all talking in their little group. It almost looked like she wouldn't fit inside of their little circle.

“Hey guys, do you want to watch a movie after school?” She asks them and they all look at her with guilty expressions.

“Sorry Riley, I'm meeting with Smackle about the next science convention for young geniuses.” Farkle says feeling bad because he can see something was bothering her and she wanted to be with her friends.

“Yeah I need to stay after school and work on my art piece for back to school night.” Maya says, also feeling bad that she hasn't spent a lot of time with her best friend this week.

Riley looks over at Zay and Lucas with a hopeful look.

“Riley...I wish I could but me and Zay already promised my folks we would go help my uncle clean out his house. They're moving back to Texas next month and need a lot of help.” Lucas wanted nothing more than to spend time with Riley; spending time with her was his favorite thing in the world but he made a promise and he had to commit to it.

Zay just nodded to Lucas since his pal already told her that he would be helping his uncle as well.

Riley gives her best fake cheerful look.

“It's okay. Maybe this weekend or something.” She replies and Maya looks like she wanted to say something but the bell rings.

As she walks towards her dad's classroom she is rammed into the lockers by HER. Pain shoots up her arm where the locks dig into her.

“Watch where you're going freak.” SHE hisses at her before moving a little closer to her.

“Couldn't help but notice none of them want to spend time with you. Can't say I'm surprised.” SHE mocks her before skipping away to her own class.

Riley watches her go with tears springing in her eyes. She hates this; hates this feeling of being worthless. She pushes her arm deeper into the locker and almost relishes in the pain.

It feels like the only emotion she's been feeling lately was pain.

That night when she went to bed that night she kept poking the new bruise on her arm until all she could feel was the physical pain. Physical pain was nothing like emotional pain.

She couldn't help it though; all she kept thinking about was her newest text message in her phone with a screen shot of the social network Farkle posted of Smackle, Maya, and him hanging out together at Farkle's house.

Why wouldn't they invite her?

Oh well, it didn't matter their reasoning; they didn't invite her because they didn't want to. She knew the truth now. XOXOXOX

(Day 5)

Friday was usually a great day for her. She would dress up nice, make plans with the gang, make time to spend with Auggie, and of course award her for the good things she's done this week at her weekly Riley Awards Show.

Today, however, she wanted to do none of that. She just wanted to lay in bed, especially after her morning text message.

(If there is one person I wish was never born it would be you. Do us all a favor and make everyone's wish come true)

How can someone say that to another person? No one should ever be told they should kill themselves. A big part of her was angry that SHE really crossed the line but another part was just so tired. Tired of being treated like she was a nothing, tired that no one could see how upset she's been, tired of keeping up this charade.

She knew though, that she had to keep moving. She had to get up and get dressed, and do what she always does.

Her and Maya make it to school and she's happy that she hasn't gotten another message yet. Maybe SHE knew that her message this morning was going too far and is backing off. Maybe, because she hasn't responded, SHE has gotten tired and is going to leave her alone.

She made it through History, Art, Science, and Gym and she thought she was finally home free. Her smile could have lit the whole school. She was so happy she didn't have to be afraid to look at her phone anymore.

She was walking with Maya and Lucas to lunch again, more into their conversation than she's been all week.

“So I was thinking after you get out of your Art meeting, we could get a pizza, then have a movie marathon.” Riley suggested and Lucas gives her one of his shy smiles and nodding his head.

“I think that sounds great.” Lucas answers and she can feel the familiar butterflies in her stomach.

“Hey Huckleberry, you think you can stop by the art room after school. I need to use a guy for this piece and Miss Kossal suggested you.” She smirks at him and he can't help but grin back at her.

“I thought Miss Kossal said kids my age don't look like me.” He jokes and Maya giggles in a very un-Maya sort of way making Riley look at her weird.

If that exchange wasn't bad enough to make her butterflies die, her phone goes off.

*Bing*

(You thought I was going to leave you alone didn't you? That's why you had that retarded* grin on your face all day?! Why don't you stop being who you are before I stick my foot in big stupid face!?)

Her face falls as she puts her phone in her pocket and follows her friends to get lunch. Would this day ever end??

For the rest of the day her phone went off at least twice every period, making her have to turn her phone on vibrate.

(You will never be anyone special. No one likes you)

(Lucas only talks to you out of pity, that's why he never asked you to be his gf.)

(God you decided to wear THAT to school today?! I can see way too much of your fat ass!)

(Do you realize how stupid you are?! I mean how did you even make it to the 8th grade?!)

It was like every insecurity she ever thought about herself was being brought to life. It was like no matter how hard she smiled, how optimistic she tried to be she couldn't shake the horrible feeling in her heart.

These messages started out of no where but somehow they became her daily reminder that she will never be good enough, that she was a nothing, she was completely worthless and no one would ever truly love her.

By the end of school, Riley found herself in the middle of the hallway like she usually did on Fridays.

“Today at the Riley Awards, Riley will be announcing the winner of this weeks achievement.” Riley says in a fake older voice.

“Well thank you for that amazing introduction Riley. And now for the award for the most optimistic attitude for the week is....”She hesitated as she pretended to open an envelope. She gave a gasp.

“Oh what a surprise! The winner is Riley Matthews!” She says as she skips around the hallway to get to the middle once more.

“I'd like to thank my parents, Auggie, Maya, Farkle, Lucas, Zay, and Smackle for everything they have done to help me achieve this honor this week. Thank you all.” She says and takes a bow.

Just as she's about to leave she hears a slow clapping. She quickly turns around and sees HER, walking towards her with her phone out in a way that Riley can only assume meant she was being recorded. SHE recorded her during her secret Riley Awards that not even Maya knew about!

“That was such a...lovely performance.” SHE sneers at her; her eyes dancing with laughter as she finally puts her phone down.

Riley can only look at her in shock as she tried to keep the tears from forming in her eyes.

“Why? Why are you doing this to me?! Why can't you just leave me alone? I never did anything to you!” Riley had to ask. She never hurt HER. She never was mean to anyone!

“Oh poor pathetic Riley. I'm doing this because I can. Because you need to know that the world is not Rileytown; the real world is harsh and cruel and you should know that now. If anything you should be thanking me.” She laughs at her and moves closer to her so they were face to face.

“So thank me Riley.” She demands and grabs her wrist so hard that Riley could barley feel like.

She looks deep into HER eyes and swallows in the tears. She should fight back. She should tell her that SHE was nothing but a bully that needed to stop treating people so badly.

But she was just too tired.

“Thank you.” She whispers so low, she's surprised she made any sound at all. Yet as soon as the words come out of her mouth, the grip on her wrists is loosened and SHE backs away from her slowly.

“There. That wasn't so hard now was it? Enjoy your weekend Freak,” SHE blows her a kiss before walking out of the hallway towards the school exit.

Riley stood there frozen in place relaying the past five days in her head like a movie. This was just one long nightmare. It had to be. People were not this mean. She had to keep smiling; she had to look on the bright side.

She repeated her mantra in her head until she could hear Maya and Lucas walking and talking towards her. She quickly wiped her eyes and put on her best everything-is-fine smile.

They could never know.

TBC!

#girl meets world #riley mathews #girl meets rileytown #bullying awareness #fanfiction #fanfic

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