#I also love that each of these women are described as “the most beautiful woman” in their respective worlds

[vincinnamontoast]

HIII OMG IDK IF UR TAKING REQUESTS (OR IF THIS COUNTS AS ONE??) BUT I CANT WAIT FOR ANY OF YOUR VI FICS 🙏 LIKE OK IM SAT 🪑 YOURE GONNA SLAY!!

sweet consumption ꒰ა♡໒꒱

goddess vi! x fem! reader

SYNOPSIS: honestly not really much of a plot besides vi and reader being in love and obsessed with each other.

WORD COUNT: 2.8k

CONTAINS: smut!, cannibalism as a form of expression, consensual choking, mentions of blood and slight violent actions, religious overtones. p.s I always try to keep clothing and reader’s physical descriptions out of my stories, so readers can resonate with it more. but for this story, reader wears a dress. kind of proofread ? act 3 vi!

AUTHORS NOTE: ^^ omg thank you so much love <3! you’re so sweet, that does mean sm! ! also if you guys want to listen to the audio I had playing to set the vibe I wanted (specifically the first 3mins), here it is <3 https://youtu.be/pdmLj1mkslA?si=XhaI2_E2Sm485mhN I was meaning to post this before act 3 but oh well.

∴.·:*¨¨*:·. ☙.·:*¨ ¨*:·.♡ .·:*¨ ¨*:·. ❧.¨*:·.∴

the soft piano traveled throughout the corridors as you sat toying with the edge of your silky, sage dress - eagerly waiting for your presence to be requested. the smooth, dark marble beneath your feet caught your attention. you swore it swirled in little patterns right before your eyes. the walls of her quarters were coated with various meaningful art pieces and the pillars stood tall where beautiful women were chiseled into the top and bottom. her love and respect for women —for her community, was so admirable. before your mind could wander farther, you were interrupted.

“our goddess, violet, requests you.” a fellow angel proclaims as they seep into your view.

'our goddess?' your mind repeats. It was true. she was a goddess of the people and of the angels. she portrayed that in the most genuine way. however, you still couldn't fight the slight nerve to be a bit possessive. you nodded and smiled to the woman dressed in a silky emerald gown, their wings slightly curled around their hips. taking a deep yet staggered breath, you walk down the corridor that lead to violet's chamber. soon enough, you stood before her arched door. It was vast and encased in fuschia and black jewels. gems and crystals in their purest form blended perfectly above, as gold curled around the edges of the large door frame. before you could even bring your fist up to grab at her door chime, it swings open gently. she sensed you.

It was dark in her chambers. your eyes waited to adjust to it as the fireplace was the only source of light. the soft gothic piano contrasted the crackling of the fireplace. this genre of piano soothed vi’s nerves. your eyes averted as slight movement was caught in your peripheral. and then...you are met with her. she stood right before her large windowsill - it portraying a perfect view of the nightlife that was her domain and the beautiful river encompassing it. she was beyond alluring, truly. words could not describe violet's beauty. for she was the prettiest and the strongest goddess there was. the handsomest soldier that would ever fight on the battle field.

her pinkish red hair peppered with streaks of black, like fire and ash, rested over her right side. her blue eyes like stained glass that always outed her every emotion never failed to capture you. her freckles kissed upon her nose and cheeks like a field of wildflowers in april. oh how cute she was when she scrunched her nose when upset or angry. violet was revered in her looks by the other celestial beings, but they doubted her ideals. violet. sweet violet. her heart so gentle but her face stern. she stood for peace—for equality. but she tended to get too passionate in protecting others and standing for what she believed in. the other goddess's teased her about her name. vi for violence. some pretty butch brute with too much power they'd say. she wished they'd respect her name. and how you wished they would know her. violet. sweet violet. vi.

“you're staring again. hmmm and nor did you acknowledge me when you came into my quarters." she pouts, inching closer to your still being. her hips swayed gently as she walked down the little steps, fists at her side. so ready to protect, like she always was. her beauty put you in a trance as your eyes adjust to the glow of her pale freckled skin.

"I'm sorry, my love. It's darker in here than usual." the words jumbled out nervously as the luminescence of her eyes consumed you.

she gently drug her fingertips against the apple of your cheeks. "mmm I am in a mood of sorts today. what do you have for me, beautiful?"

your words caught in your throat and your body shivered. angel's were only allowed to see their goddess' once a month to report to them. you were violet's trusted designated angel that gave her updates of information that she needed to rule her domain, so naturally you saw her a bit more often. the lack of her presence made your yearning beyond intense. the only angel and being that vi had ever touched and she made that clear constantly. but why were you so special? you doubt you'd ever ask. to even be breathing the same air as her was a blessing so you never dare question her.

"I brought all angel reports for last month as well as letters from the goddess's. they seem to have important news to share with you." you nodded, too nervous to glance into her eyes. she loved how nervous she made you.

"so obedient, my sweet girl. I will have to get to it all later." she curls her fingers under your chin. "come.”

she steps away from you to sit on her velvet claudette chaise lounge. she gazes at you intently - waiting. her eyes were warning you as she was often impatient. you walk towards her gently on the tip of your toes. you could never seem to get used to her intensity. she just stares at you often. it's a bit creepy, but you know she is just curious and expressive. reading vi through her eyes was easy for you. she was intrigued.

you kneeled before her as her leg peers out from the slit in her grey throw over dress. she nudges it out to you gently as invitation for you to touch her. as they open, it exposes a delicious amount of her skin that you wanted to just devour. slowly, you bring your hands to glide up her leg. her soft skin feels electric and you swear every muscle in your body relaxed after you touched her. closing your eyes, you nudge your cheek into her skin. you locked eyes as you kiss up her leg, lifting yourself to make your pecks to the inside of her thigh. the feeling of her smooth creamy skin was enticing, the smell of her. vanilla, musk, firewood —brown sugar. the way she was lent back, looking down at you with her legs spread wide was so seductive and sensuous. her arm hung over the couch and the other gently grazed your hair as you nipped at her inner thigh. she had stretch marks on her hips and a bit on her inner thigh. you kissed at them gently. the soft chuckle she let out made your ears ring. goodness. she made you weak.

your breathing got heavier as you inched closer between her dress and to her core. your fingers snake through and move it aside. no underwear. looking up at her, she slightly smiles and blushes. "I was waiting for you — I always do." she breathes out like a whisper.

your cheeks turn a fiery shade of pink. you were then blessed with the sight of her beautiful flower. the heat and scent of her core was close to sending you into a frenzy. tufts of pink hair and puffy lips. you were addicted to her. to her taste. your mouth started to salivate. she bit at her lip and opened her legs wide as if inviting you to enjoy her delicacy. your arms curled around her thick thighs as you grip the soft skin. you press your lips to her clit and suckle. like sweet butter, she melts in your mouth. the sweet but salty taste of her made your toes curl. she was glowing. she threw her head back and her hair flowed over the soft velvet couch. gentle wisps of her hair danced over her lips from her desperate panting. she lets out a gentle moan and entangled her fingers writhin your hair. the feeling of her pussy tangled around your tongue was enough to send you into psychosis. you dug your face into her gently as you could not seem to get close enough. curling and twisting your tongue around her, she panted and whimpered little praises.

her moans increasingly got louder. she was always so vocal. and to say you loved it was an understatement. soft as a harp, her moans flowed through your ears like a gentle river. like a song that soothed your soul. shoving your face into her cunt, your mission was to devour. the feeling of her on your tongue — on your finger tips. her moans, her voice. you were made for her, to please her. to give her the love that she deserved as your goddess. she was under appreciated. you are so deep in thought you failed to realize how tight your grip had become on her shaking thighs. she was overstimulated, yelping and arching her back. she attempted to gently move you. pulling away from her gasp, you muster out, “my goddess. please forgive me. I got carried away. I-“

gripping your cheeks softly, she shoved you back on your knees. her face followed yours closely. "oh how i missed you." she growled.

hearts swam in your eyes. drool and her sweet slick coated your lips and the area surrounding. you look dumbed out. her body was a drug. she was your drug. sweet violet. without the hold she had on your face, you'd fall. she licked at your throat as her calloused fingertips drug your dress down your body. she softly grazed her tongue over the edge of her teeth. she gripped your hips and drug her hands all over your body. the need she had for you was insatiable. untamed, disgusting, and full of teeth. she would kill and stain her hands with blood of the innocent for you. and that was a lot to put down as a goddess for her people. but the way she needed you was vile. the yearn she had for you made her sick. sick and rotted with desire. need. you. a mere angel. nothing compared to her. oh but you were.

her lips captured yours quickly. immediately her tongue swallows yours. her lips were succulent like ripe grapes. to kiss vi was to be refreshed, replenished. revived. crawling down to your level, on the floor, she kneeled with you. not once did she slow her pace and stop the movement of her lips on yours. a kiss was the beginning to her cannabilism. she was kneeling with you. someone as gorgeous and high being as her sat on the dirty floor tangled in front of you. your saliva mixing and tainting her own. she didn't care. your differences didn't make her ill. she was a goddess who could love who she pleased, but she could tell this made you uneasy.

"my love. the floor." you pulled away from the kiss, gently cupping her flushed freckled cheeks. her eyes shone such a radiant blue. she was content.

"I am not above sitting on a dirty floor. I've been in worse. and for you — I would lick the filth from your skin with the blade of my tongue." she whispered, licking the shell of your ear. her cool breath sent shivers down your spine and your heart sunk.

both of her hands held your cheeks, as she curled her tongue over your lips. she pecks them gently and then again, glides her tongue over the plump of your lips. your mouth slightly parted with the pressure and need for her mouth on yours. before you could give into her kiss, she pulls away swiftly. nodding her head in the direction of her sleeping quarters. "on the bed."

you sway your naked body away from her, making your way to her giant canopy. sitting on the edge of the bed, you softly grip her black silky sheets. vi sashays towards the edge where you were and pushes you softly into the middle. standing tall, she drops her dress off of her shoulder. all you could do was stare at her awe. her biceps tensed slightly with her breathing. her subtle abs shone in the light covered in minimal sweat. her tits sat perfectly and exposed. her collar bone, sharp and tempting. her pussy on display and so enticing. again. you could happily die between her legs. everything she did had your pussy melting and pulsating. she crawls towards you and kisses up your body slowly. not breaking eye contact once. she drags her canines against your calf and presses gently, making her way up to your lips.

she’s perfectly above you now, stopping at your face. your eyes are captured in hers and you can’t look away. you smacked your lips onto hers and she burst into a giggle as you peck her lips over and over. pulling away, you let her catch her breath and rub your fingers against her face. you press a kiss to her forehead, her nose, the apple of her cheeks, her eyelids, chin, and then her lips again. then you kiss her hands again, and again, and again. she didn’t like her hands. you knew that. but every sliver of her was perfect to you. she presses her forehead to yours as she gnaws at her lip.

"I want to feel you. to let go with you.”

before you can process a single thought, she eagerly parts your legs wide and squats herself above your cunt. you can feel everything. like her soul and her bones were intertwining with yours. her pussy slid against yours. gripping your legs, she quickens her pace. every touch of her hands on your skin sent your body into shivers. you craved her. you wanted vi to use her calisoused fingers to pry your ribs open and lick your heart and your bones. to live inside of you to protect herself. to connect your organs and become one. to be loved by vi was to be consumed by her. you’re snatched back into reality at the loud sounds of the both of your moans blending together like symphony. she gripped at you like she could not live without her claws and bare teeth sunken into your skin. you chant her name like a prayer, her eyes rolling into her head as all she can think about is you. the sound of you. your skin. your flesh. you. she attempted to cage you in so you couldn't move away from her.

"oh baby i know." she groans into your ear as you whimper closer to your release.

the primal desire for you was unquenchable. she can feel you pulsating against her, she knew you were close. so was she. her right hand tangles around your throat as she begins to squeeze. your eyes rolled so far into your head and all circulation began to cut off. and by the goddess's near, this was the most amazing feeling. to die by violet’s hands. the way she is touching you and staring into your soul. it wasn’t pain. it felt like freedom.

"you belong to me, say it. please." her eyes turn soft and tear up. they were like a gentle void, a void of so much emotion. your vision started to turn white and you could only feel her engulfing you. your orgasms overtaking the both of you like wildfire. you could feel the electricity from her fingertips coursing through your veins and your blood. she loosens her grip as you gasp for air. every touch of hers on your body like a cold breeze. the beautiful pit that was her eyes enveloped you. you both stare at each other in a pant.

"we are all yours, vi." you giggle, referring to the angels and her terrain. gently, she collapses on your chest. you graze your fingers against her back, tracing her tattoos.

she hums, "mmm but they are not." she looks up at you, curling your hair between her fingers. "you are. and for you, i am my rawest form. the yearn I have for you is too much. It hurts." she pauses, and takes a deep breath. "I hate when you walk out that door."

her eyes are entangled in yours. the other celestial’s would say that the love between an angel and a goddess was unruly and dangerous. that didn't matter to you. nor did it matter to vi. they don't know what it was like to kneel at her alter. to be loved and wanted by her. they have not heard her gentle giggles and murmurs throughout every kiss. they haven’t seen her wide set grin and the smile lines surrounding her heart shaped lips. nor have they tasted her divine fruit. they haven't gazed into her eyes and seen right through her heart. to be loved by vi was to be consumed by her.

“my love and loyalty has always lied with you, my sweet violet.” and into her lips, you collide. underneath the fiery touch of vi’s fingertips, you become poetry.

AUTHORS NOTE: ugh yes…cannibalism as symbolism for lesbian love and obsession again>>> of course, it’s literally my favorite and if you get it, you get it :3 anyways, caitvi scene made me scream as hell. everything made me scream and cry omfg. so many thoughts. If you’re reading this, have a great day, night or evening! mwuahhh <33 hope you liked !

[lotus-queer]

So I'm finally watching Mysterious Lotus Casebook, and surprise! There's Chen Duling in the third drama I've watched in a row.

I've now seen her play, in order:

A gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss snake princess:

A grieving noble with post-partum depression:

A grieving asthmatic martial sect leader (?):

Tough times all around for these ladies, but a great year for her!

[hotvintagepoll]

Propaganda

Ava Gardner (The Killers, The Barefoot Contessa)— She's so goddamn hot. Her and Frank Sinatra could've sandwiched me and I would've thanked them for the privilege

Anna May Wong (The Thief of Bagdad, Shanghai Express)—Wong was the first Chinese American movie star, arguably the first Asian woman to make it big in American films. Though the racism of the time often forced her into stereotypical roles, awarded Asian leading roles to white actors in yellowface, and prohibited on-screen romance between actors of different races, she delivered powerful and memorable performances. When Hollywood bigotry got to be too much, she made movies in Europe. Wong was intellectually curious, a fashion icon, and a strong advocate for authentic Asian representation in cinema. And, notably for the purposes of this tournament, absolutely gorgeous.

This is round 5 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Ava Gardner:

Ava Gardner is one of my favorite actresses of all time. Although a lot of her roles in movies are about her being beautiful and nothing else, there are some films where her acting truly shines.

Gifset: https://www.tumblr.com/pelopides/721438308726603776/ava-gardner-as-pandora-reynolds-pandora-and-the

Gifset 2: https://www.tumblr.com/portraitoflestatonfire/731899355804598272/if-the-loustat-reunion-doesnt-look-like-this-then

HER FACE. LOOK AT IT. Also was a life long supporter of civil rights and a member of the NAACP, had lots of fun love affairs with other stars, bullfighters, married several times but was also happy in between to just have lovers and was unapologetically herself.

I literally gasp every time I see her.

Between 1942 and 1964, Ava Gardner was credited in no less 50 films, and is still considered by some to be the most beautiful actresses that ever graced the silver screen. Despite life-long insecurities regarding her talent as an actress, she weathered public scandal, industry hostility, and outright condemnation by the Catholic Church with fearless grace. She would later in life talk candidly about the reality and pain of living through two (studio approved!!) abortions during her short marriage to Frank Sinatra, and while the two of them could not make their relationship work, they remained in each other’s lives for nearly 30 years. She would forever describe herself as a small-town girl who just got lucky, but always felt like a beautiful outsider.

Really genuinely one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever seen. An autodidact. Had amazing chemistry with Gregory Peck to the point where I do think about watching On The Beach again sometimes because they're so good together even though that movie did destroy me. Was a great femme fatale in many movies.

Anna May Wong propaganda:

"She so so gorgeous!! Due to Hollywood racism she was pretty limited in the roles she got to play but even despite that she’s so captivating and deserves to be known as a leading lady in her own right!! When she’s on screen in Shanghai Express I can’t look away, which is saying something because Marlene Dietrich is also in that film."

"SHE IS ON THE BACK OF QUARTERS also she was very smart and able to speak multiple languages and is a fashion icon on top of the acting/singing"

"Paved the way for Asian American actresses AND TOTAL HOTTIE!!! She broke boundaries and made it her mission to smash stereotypes of Asian women in western film (at the time, they were either protrayed them as delicate and demure or scheming and evil). In 1951, she made history with her television show The Gallery of Madame Liu-Tsong, the first-ever U.S. television show starring an Asian-American series lead (paraphrased from Wikipedia). Also, never married and rumor has it that she had an affair with Marlene Dietrich. We love a Controversial Queen!"

"She's got that Silent Era smoulder™ that I think transcends the very stereotypical roles in which she was typically cast. Also looks very hot smouldering opposite Marlene Dietrich in "Shanghai Express"; there's kiss energy there."

"Hot as hell and chronically overlooked in her time, she's truly phenomenal and absolutely stunning"

"A story of stardom unavoidably marred by Hollywood racism; Wong's early-career hype was significantly derailed by the higher-up's reluctance to have an Asian lead, and things only got worse when the Hayes code came down and she suddenly *couldn't* be shown kissing a white man--even if that white man was in yellowface. After being shoved into the Dragon Lady role one too many times, she took her career to other continents for many years. Still, she came back to America eventually, being more selective in her roles, speaking out against Asian stereotypes, and in the midst of all of this finding the time to be awarded both the title of "World's Best Dressed Woman" by Mayfair Mannequin Society of New York and an honorary doctorate by Peking University."

"Incredible beauty, incredible actress, incredible story."

"-flapper fashion ICON. look up her fits please <3 -rumors of lesbianism due to her Close Friendships with marlene dietrich & cecil cunningham, among others -leveraged her star power to criticize the racist depictions of Chinese and Asian characters in Hollywood, as well as raise money and popular support for China & Chinese refugees in the 1930s and 40s. -face card REFUSED to decline"

[wakasaz]

DILF

♡Pairing: Wakasa Imaushi x Afab!reader

♡Summary: Wakasa can't keep his hands off his new babysitter.

♡Based on this

♡WC: 4.6k

♡TW: 18+ MDNI, unprotected sex, pet names, oral, fingering, pregnancy, absent parent, gang leader Wakasa, Club owner Wakasa. Use of yn but only a few times. I think that's everything but I probably forgot something.

♡A/N: All characters are 21+, not proofread, I love single Father wakasa so much I had to make a whole fic for it.

"Get out. Just get out." Wakasa says to the fifth person he has interviewed today. He didn't think finding someone to care for his daughter while he is out would be this hard. Truth is he didn't even want to find anyone to watch her, but Benkei talked him into it. What was so wrong with taking her to "work" with him. He didn't take her anywhere dangerous, and he made sure whoever was around her could be trusted. His men knew that they needed to keep her safe. Of course, though he listened to Benkei. He was tired of hearing the taller male complain about how dangerous it was. As if Wakasa would allow anyone to hurt her. No one crossed him and if they did, they knew they signed their death certificate. 

Letting out a sigh as he turns his back to the girl and pinches the bridge of his nose he walks to get himself a drink. "Please, just go" He says again. He can hear sniffling. He made her cry but he didn't care. The girl was an idiot. No way in hell was she going to even be in the same room as his daughter. Everyone he has interviewed so far has been an idiot. He hasn't found one person he sees capable of caring for the most important girl in his life. He's been interviewing people for days and he swears they get worse and worse each time. 

Wakasa never wanted to be a father. He didn't think he would be good at it. He knew fighting and fucking. He didn't know how to be soft. He couldn't be soft. He was the white leopard, feared all around Japan. Of course all of that changed the moment he laid eyes on what he could only describe as the most beautiful and precise baby he has ever seen. No, Wakasa didn't want to be a father, but he took the role seriously and over time he wondered how he lived his whole life without this girl in it. 

On top of not wanting to be a parent he also didn't want to be a single parent. But he was thrown into that all too quickly. The woman he got pregnant was just a casual hook up. They fucked a few times but he was fucking other women as well. Wakasa didn't even know she was pregnant. She stopped returning his calls a few weeks after the last time he fucked her and that was it. He honestly forgot about her until he got a phone call in the middle of the night with her screaming at him to come to the hospital. He wasn't going to go but Benkei once again talked him into doing something he didn't want to do. Now he doesn't know how to thank Benkei enough for making him go. 

He didn't believe the child was his when she first told him. That was until he saw her. She was a spitting image of him as a baby. He couldn't deny she was his. Wakasa swears that's the first time he ever felt love. He loved her more than anything and would do anything for her. That's how he ended up being talked into finding a nanny and now he wants to strangle Benkei. 

Taking a sip from his glass he groans. He hears the door slam shut. "Only three more people today," He reminds himself. He checks his watch. The next person should be here any minute. That's when he hears a knock at the door. Answering it he is met with a young girl standing in his doorway. The other girls being interviewed were younger than him but this one has to be the youngest. College age maybe? Definitely doesn't look any older than twenty or twenty one. She clears her throat. "Hello sir, I'm (y/n), are you Mr. Imaushi? I'm here for an interview." Wakasa feels his cock twitch when the word sir leaves your lips. He's been called sir before but the way it sounds with your sweet voice is doing things to him. 

Wakasa coughs trying to cover up a groan. "Come in" He says As he leads you into his living room. He sits and points to the chair across from him. He started asking you questions. Where you’re from, Why you want to be a nanny, any training. With every question you answered perfectly. At least he thought it was perfect. He wasn’t really listening to everything you said. He was just watching you. He thought you were pretty but Wakasa is around a lot of pretty women so he isn’t sure why it’s bothering him so much that he thinks you’re pretty. 

“What about you?” you ask as you fiddle with your fingers. “Huh?” he asked, looking at you with slightly wider eyes. You clear your throat. “Oh, um, You asked what I do for work besides babysitting since I said I haven’t babysat since high school. I was just asking what you do sir.” Wakasa feels his cock twitch again. He’s not sure why hearing you call him sir is having this effect. “Oh. I own a club and work in trade.” You nod “That’s cool. So you’re a businessman.” you quietly laugh. “I guess you could call me that,” he says, smirking in your direction. “What club do you own, maybe I know it” you ask, smiling at the older man across from you. He doubts you know it. From the short time knowing you he doesn’t think you are the type to frequent his type of establishment. “It’s called Hydra” He says as he starts to roll his sleeves up his arm. “I doubt you’ve-” “ That’s the one across from that ramen restaurant right? I’ve been there a few times with friends” Wakasa tilts his head. You’ve been to his club? You don’t seem the type. Not to mention you didn’t act like you recognised him. Almost everyone who goes to his club knows who he is. 

Wakasa lets out a hum. “I didn’t expect that.” He smirks again “I didn’t realize you were the owner. I thought it was the guy with a scar down his face.” his smirk drops. Of course you would think it was Takeomi. He hits on almost every piece of ass that walks into the place, and he likes to act like it's his club to those who by some grace of god don’t know Waskasa. Why is he friends with that moocher again? “Takeomi likes to pretend it’s his club. I can’t kick the guy out because we’re friends” You giggle. “He tried to get me to sleep with him. Don’t get me wrong I like older guys but he just isn’t my type” Wakasas smirk returns. “You like older guys huh?” You roll her eyes as you cover your face with your hands. “Can we continue with the interview please?” Wakasa chuckles as he starts asking questions related to the job again. 

By the end of the interview Wakasa was sold. You were perfect. He also caught his daughter a few times peeking from the steps listening in on what was going on. This was the first time she came down from her room the whole time he was interviewing anyone.  Offering you the job was a no brainer. He did have to tell himself your looks didn’t play a part in this. It was strictly that you were the best applying. 

“Can you start tomorrow evening?” He asked as he was walking you to the door. You stop and turn around looking at him wide eyed. “Wait really?” he nods. You let out a squeak and wrap your arms around him hugging the older man. “Yes!” Once you realized what you did you quickly let go taking a step back and putting your arms behind your back and looking down. “Sorry” you whispered. “Can I get your number? I’ll call you later this evening to tell you all the details” You nod and part ways after putting it into his phone. While walking down the street you pull out your phone and call the person who got you the interview in the first place. “Senju, Why didn’t you tell me he was so hot?!”

Wakasa told you to show up at five so he could give you a tour of the place and introduce you to his daughter before he had to leave. You are currently standing in front of Waksasa’s door trying to get the courage to knock. You weren’t scared yesterday because Senju didn’t tell you the man she said needed a sitter was hot. Senju also gagged when you told her Wakasa was hot yesterday. You pull at the bottom of your skirt trying to make it a little longer. Taking a deep breath you knock and no more than five seconds pass before the door is opened and Wakasa is standing before you in black pants and a white button up shirt, the first three buttons undone and his sleeves rolled up. He has a little girl on his hip who looks no older than four or five. She looks like him. She even has the same bored eyes as him. He moves out of the way to let you in. 

(Y/n), this is Rini, my daughter. Rini this is (Y/N), the woman I told you that was going to look after you while daddy has work”  Rini buries her face on Wakasas shoulder. “She’s normally not shy” “It’s fine. Rini, I'm sure you and I are going to be great friends.” You say smiling at the toddler. She picks her head up and looks at you then smiles softly while nodding her head. After introducing you two and getting Rini a little more comfortable Wakasa walks around the huge penthouse showing you around. “And this is Rini’s room. She needs to be in bed no later than eight. She has a connecting bathroom.” He says pointing to the door in the room. “And my room” He says, turning and pointing to a door on the end of the hall. “Is there. I doubt you need anything from there but if Rini won’t sleep in her bed you can put her in mine.” 

Walking to the kitchen Wakasa finishes showing you where everything is. “I left money on the counter so you can order dinner for the two of you.” He puts Rini down and she clings to his leg not wanting him to leave. He walks to the door taking Rini with him. “That should be everything but if you need anything or have any questions just give me a call.” You nod and smile at him. He bends down and removes the young girl from his leg while he crouches down in front of her. “Be good for (Y/N), okay my little bunny” the blonde hair girl nods her head while opening her arms for a hug. “Daddy loves you. I’ll see you in the morning.” Wakasa says kissing the top of Rini’s head. Wakasa walks over to you. “Don’t let anything happen to her. I’m serious about calling me if there are any issues. I can be here in ten minutes.” nodding your head and promising the older male you will take great care of his daughter he leaves you guys alone. 

You bend down slightly, putting your hands on your knees. “Okay Rini, what do you want to do?”  “I want my daddy!” she yells while pouting. “I want your daddy too” You say under your breath. “How about I order us some dinner and we can turn on the tv and watch a movie?” you ask the purple eyed girl. She nods her head then runs to sit on the couch. 

While watching the little mermaid you hear a knock on the door. Rini is sitting with her blanket and a stuffed bunny not moving her eyes from the tv. You go get the money Wakasa left you and open the door. The delivery man gives you the food and you walk back in. Going to the kitchen you made Rini a plate and take it out to the living room for her to eat. Wakasa never said she couldn’t eat there and seeing how he is with her, you know she has him wrapped around her finger. Rini eats her food and before long she is asleep on your lap. You pick her up and carry her to her room and tuck her in. You go back down to the living and start playing on your phone waiting till Wakasa gets home. He told you, you could stay the night because he wouldn’t be back till the early morning hours. 

While scrolling on your phone Senju texts you asking how it's going. You tell everything you and Rini did. You talk to Senju for a few hours before falling asleep on the couch.

Over the next several weeks you and Rini have gotten closer. Wakasa and you have even gotten a little closer. He has you coming around a few hours before he has to leave saying Rini wants to see you. Everytime when you arrive at the Imaushis house you are greeted with Rini running over to you screaming your name and giving you a hug. Wakasa has told you before that all she talks about is how much she likes you and wishes you could be around more. You started to notice things about Wakasa over the time working for him. More than just his looks. He can be really sweet when he wants to be, and he is very protective of his daughter. You’ve also seen the protectiveness extend to you as well. You told him about a bad date you went on and how the guy hasn’t left you alone since and was starting to freak you out. You haven’t heard from the guy since. You know it was Wakasa. You also learned about his real job. How he helps run a gang. You made Senju tell you after the bad date guy disappeared. She didn’t want you to be scared you would quit. But you feel safe around Wakasa and also have. He has never made you uncomfortable. 

You also noticed over the weeks of working for the older male the feelings you get around him. Everything he does turns you on. At first you thought it was just because it's been awhile since you’ve slept with anyone but when he brought home a blonde girl with big tits you realized how jealous you were so you went to find someone to fuck the frustration out on thinking he could cure the want for your boss but the very next day when you saw him you felt that familiar heat. You started coming around in tighter clothes. Clothes that show off your tits and ass more. It’s nothing inappropriate. You wouldn’t show up here while Rini is here with anything on that might scar her for life. 

Wakasa has noticed the change in clothing. He would be lying if he said he didn’t like it. He loves the short skirts that just barely miss showing your ass when you bend down or the shirts that your tits almost pop out of when you cross your arms. Wakasa also noticed how you are with his daughter. It’s almost motherly how you act towards her. He can imagine you being her mom. He has on several nights while he fucked his fist. He knows the blonde girl he brought home pissed you off. He did it to piss you off. He wanted to know if his feelings were reciprocated. He didn’t fuck her. He just let you think he did. Don’t get him wrong though. He went out of his way to find women who looked similar to you to fuck because he thought he could get it out of his system. But he wants you. He wants you even when he is fucking some other girl. If Rini didn’t like you as much as she, does he would have fucked you by now, but he doesn’t want to possibly make the only mother figure she has ever had run away. If he wants to fuck you, he needs to do this the right way. He has to make sure you never leave him and Rini. He wouldn’t be able to stand seeing his little girl's heart broken. Rini has mentioned wanting to be a big sister recently and she’s also told Wakasa she wishes you were her mom.

Wakasa called and asked you to come over tonight. You thought it was weird since Rini is staying at a friend's house tonight. You told Senju and she joked that he is just trying to fuck you. You didn’t tell her how excited it made you to think about or that you'd like him. Getting ready you decide on a tight little black dress and heels. Once at Wakasa’s you knock on the door and wait for him. A moment passes before he opens the door. He is wearing all black as well. His shirt has several buttons undone and his sleeves are rolled up showing off his tattoos. He has all his hair pulled back showing off his earring. He moves out of the way to allow you to enter. Once walking in you notice he has all the lights off but has candles light everywhere and that the stove is on. “You’re cooking” you say and he nods, walking to the kitchen before coming back with two drinks and handing you one. You smile at him. 

After he finished cooking you two sat at the table. “You wear that to everyone fathers house you babysit for or am I just special?” You can feel your face warm. “I only babysit for you” he smirks at you as he leans over the table and gives you a kiss. It starts off sweet but he soon grabs the back of your head and deepens the kiss as he tilts your head. He is gripping your hair and pulling on it every once in a while. He swipes his tongue over your lips asking for entrance when you deny he harshly tugs on your hair causing you to yelp. 

Wakasa pulls away and walks over to you grabbing your hand as he walks you backwards to his bedroom. His lips find yours once again on the way. Your hands are around his neck. He starts to slide the straps of your dress down your arm as his hands roam your body, squeezing any flesh he can get his hands on. Wakasa sucks in a shaky breath when your dress hits the floor and sees you didn’t wear anything underneath. He smirks before biting his lip and pushing you down on his bed. He slowly starts to unbutton his shirt. He’s going slow on purpose. He can see the lush in your eyes. You whine at how long it is taking him to undress. Smirking he says “impatient are we?” His shirt finally hits the floor and he starts crawling on the bed over you, kissing up your body the whole way. When he reaches your lips he slowly kisses you as his hands slide across your body. Squeezing and tugging anywhere he can as he pulls pants and moans from you. He pulls away and slowly kissing down your body while his hands find your legs and slowly part them. 

When he reaches your thighs he is kissing, licking, and biting as his hand squeezes the other one. When he finally reaches your heat he drags his tongue up your slit as he groans and his eyes roll at the taste. He swears you’re the sweetest thing to ever grace his tongue. He could become addicted to your taste. He licks and sucks, making a mess of your cunt as he is rutting  his hips against the mattress. He can feel his cock leaking but is trying to ignore it. He is drunk on the taste of you. He continues to eat you like a man starved. He nips and sucks as you cum all over his tongue screaming his name and pulling at his hair. He doesn’t stop. He nips and sucks as he adds a finger, overstimulating you. He smiles against your cunt as your legs shake around his head and he sees your back arching off the bed as you push your perfect tits up giving him the best view. 

You’ve lost count of how many times he’s made you cum. He’s on his third finger now. You’ve at least finished once for each finger plus just his tongue, your panting. You feel dizzy. You swear you're going to pass out when he says “One more baby girl” as his fingers rub against that sport that makes you see stars. Your toes curl as you grip the sheets. Words are leaving your mouth but they don’t make sense. You’re just screaming his name and the words yes, and please. You don’t know what you’re begging for. For him to stop or to keep going. Everything is wet. The air is hot and you're trying to catch your breath. You feel him remove his fingers but soon feel something much larger pushing into you.

Wakasa groans, his eyes crossing as he feels your tight wet walls squeezing him. He knew you would be tight just from using his fingers but he didn’t think it would be tight. He stills for a moment trying not to cum before he starts a brutal pace. He tried to wait for you to adjust and give him the go ahead but he couldn’t. He can’t control himself around you. It’s your fault really. 

He wraps his hand around your throat and squeezes your hip as he increases the speed. All that can be heart is the sound of skin slapping skin, your moans and pants, and his sweet sweet praises. “Look at you baby, taking me so well. Your pussy was made for me baby. Was made to be fucked by me and only me.” He slams into you again while squeezing your throat. “Say it. Say how your pussy was made for my cock” “m-made for your c-cock” You stutter out as you grab his wrist and wrap your legs around him pulling him closer. “Damn right it is” He grunts out gritting his teeth as he starts to feel your walls tighten around him. “Best fucking pussy I’ve ever had” He says as he has you cumming for the nth time tonight. 

He looks down at you feeling nothing but love. He swears he fell in love at this moment. Your moans and pants are his favorite song. A song he hopes you grant him the privilege of listening to everyday. He wasn’t lying when he said you had the best pussy and it was made for him. He truly believes it. He watches you as he continues to fuck into you chasing his own high. He would have cummed by now but he wanted you to finish as many times as you could first so he could hear your pretty sounds. As he looks at you he thinks you’ve never looked prettier. Out of all the times he has seen you this is his favorit look on you by far, a fucked out dazed moaning and babbling  incoherent words all because of him. “Such a good girl. My good girl” he says as he shoves his fingers in your mouth for you to suck on. Moaning around them you don’t think you can take much more. 

Wakasa feels his balls tighten and begs to cum inside. “You’re so good with Rini. You’d be an amazing mother. Let me make you a real one. Please, (Y/N) let me make you a mommy.” He’s pleading with you. He has to make sure you stay around after fucking him and you aren’t going to run away. He wants to give Rini a baby brother or sister. He starts thinking about you all around and plump with his child. He groans he isn’t going to last. He thinks his heart stopped when you nod your head “Please Waka. make me a mommy. Fill me up” His eyes cross and he lets out a moan as he slams his lips into yours and fills you. It's warm and messy and he’s never been happier. He stays in you for several more minutes as he kisses you and plays with your hair. 

When he pulls out, he uses his finger to push anything leaking out. “Don’t waste it. Good girls don’t waste what daddy gifted them” he says as he starts to fuck you with his fingers. He is just making sure everything stays in. You start moaning again as his eyes meet yours. He grabs your hips and flips you over onto your stomach. He slaps your ass. “Ass up” he says as he pushes your head down. As soon as you're in position he is slamming into you again. You’re screaming into the pillow, and he slams into you over and over. “You can take it. I know you can” His name leaves your lips over and over. His finger finds you bundle of nerves as he starts to pinch and rub pulling another organism out of you. It isn’t long before he is filling you up again and again for the rest of the night. He needed to make sure it stuck. 

Ever since that night Wakasa has fucked you everytime you babysit. He leaves work early just to come home and take you on the counter or table. You don’t complain. He pays you good and fucks you good. He currently has you on the table lay as he eats you like your the first meal he has had in weeks. You're moaning and pulling his hair as he groans into you. “Give me another” He mumbles after you cum for the nth time. “C-can’t” you cry as you push him away. “Know you can baby.” he says as he sits up and pulls you onto his lap. “Ride baby” He undoes his pants and lines himself up. You lower yourself down and start bouncing. He pulls your shirt down to show off your perky tits and his mouth latches onto them. He  notices they're bigger and just smiles against you as he sucks. He feels his sock twicthing as your walls tighten. He fills you again just like he has been doing everyday for the past three weeks. 

Wakasa is over the moon when you come running into his house a few weeks later telling him you’re late. He takes you to get a test and you take it at his place. Passing back and forth as you wait. Rini has been asking everyday when she is going to be a big sister and when you will be her mommy. He plans on making her mommy. He just has to make sure the big sister part comes true first. He’s the first to run into the bathroom when the timer on his phone goes off. He comes running out of the bathroom and grabs you giving you a kiss and thank you over and over again for making him a daddy again. He swears he will never look at other women again. You’re everything he wants 

You guys decide to tell Rini a few weeks later. She is playing with her bunny in her room when you guys walk in with a gift for her. She opens it to see a smaller baby stuffed bunny. Looking at you confused, Wasaka says “You can give it to your baby brother or sister after they are born” She screams jumping up and hugging her dad and you as she yells thank you over and over again. Once she calms down she sits in front of you and looks at you both seriously. 

“So does this mean (N/N) is my new mommy now?”

[aheathen-conceivably]

Because I’ve been cooking on the backstory between Antoine and the woman he was having an affair with (who I’ve named Suzanne), let’s talk about….

What do we already know and what do we think happened?

Well the very first time we saw her (and the other women behind her in this scene) is here…

In particular, she’s the one looking down at Antoine, singling him out with her gaze while the others dance around him. As they do so Antoine hears their voices in his head, most likely coming from his own memories:

Such a pretty boy, Delphine. I mean really, must he hide behind that screen? Oh look at him. Even more beautiful than his sister, if you ask me. Come on, Antoine, just play us one more song. One song and then we’ll let you dance with us. We’ll even go upstairs with you Antoine, come on. Just play for us.

Only even their voices and sensory memories grow more specific as his hallucinations go on, signifying that there’s something else at play too.

Their jasmine perfume permeated the club, cutting through the cigarette smoke. The tinkling of the beadwork on their dresses mingled with their laughs, overtaking the sound of lace gloves as they brushed against skin or the heavy silk of a dress as it fell to the floor. Still they came closer and closer, pulling him in deeper, taunting him. One more drink, Antoine. One more song. Then you can come upstairs with us, come on, just play for us.

This tells us that at the very least, Antoine had a flirtatious relationship with these women who he shared a home and a life with, women who worked for his mother and who his mother disapproved of flirting with him:

Each of them the shadow of a woman who once roamed these halls, now nothing but phantoms around him. He brushed them away angrily, their disappointed sighs dissipating into the silence. Then he heard a nearly silent tsk, the one that his mother made when someone had offended her.

Well what we now know is that in addition to whatever teasing flirtation was going on between Antoine and the four women he saw, he was also certainly having an affair with one of them. A woman named Suzanne…

Now, judging from their body language this was certainly a mutual love affair, and not one that Antoine was dragged into. But bearing in mind how he’s described it (“it’s been the ruin of me a poor boy”) and his own ideas surrounding sex, marriage, and women, we can at the very least assume that he doesn’t view it fondly. Rather, he sees it quite guilty, as something he shouldn’t have done, and even goes so far as to compare himself to the man who bought his sister’s virginity (however misguided and guilt driven such a feeling may be).

There’s certainly a few factors at play here, and I think some of the biggest can be seen in extras we’ve been given in ask games:

1. Antoine never met or spoke to his father and was raised almost exclusively by woman. This was primarily his mother Delphine and his aunt Marguerite (who we have seen a few times in the story) but also various women in Storyville who knew his mother and his family. This led to a sort of warped, old-fashioned view of masculinity that primarily centers around projecting a hardened exterior and protecting women, often to a volatile extent.

Likewise...

2. Antoine definitely sees sex as something of great emotional weight. I think this is partially due to his loyal trait (one of his 4 in-game traits) and his upbringing. Sex incurs a certain type of loyalty and connection for Antoine...Antoine and Josephine spent much of their time growing up in New Orleans Storyville District, where sex would have constantly been on display and treated very casually. This influenced both Jo and Antoine’s approaches to the subject, but in opposite ways. For Antoine, this made him view casual sex as a lonely and empty experience, and thus he tends to seek it out only when he feels emotionally connected someone.

So let’s look at these in light of what we know. He was not only sleeping with a woman he feels like he shouldn’t have been (because of her profession, connection to his mother, and the casual nature of their relationship), he was most likely doing so with some kind of idea of emotional intimacy and “protection” toward her. Meaning, the sex itself would have made going about his daily life and job even harder. Every night he worked in the brothel with her, playing piano from behind a screen where he couldn’t see but could imagine what was happening.

This also in turn explains some of his intense reaction to when his sister went to work there and some of the ways in which he treated Zelda when she arrived. Like walking away from her, insisting on her full knowledge and loyalty before they slept together, his ongoing guilt over not being able to marry her, etc etc.

Which all begs the question….

How did Antoine’s affair with Suzanne end?

Well what we do know is that it ended badly enough to at least contribute to him enlisting in World War I and kickstart much of his anger/drinking issues that he struggles with in the 1920s.

In addition, we have two small lines of text from miscellaneous posts, which are:

“Word to the wise my dear, never fall in love with a woman who sells herself. It always ends…badly”

and

“Just so long as no one knows…we’ll be fine.”

Now who could these both be coming from? Or, potentially, who could they be talking about? Well I think we can see our answer in these two shots…

What this tells me is at that some point, Antoine’s mother became aware of what was going on between him and Suzanne. This explains the line be “just so long as no one knows…we’ll be fine” which could have been said by either Antoine or Suzanne about Delphine; and “Word to the wise my dear, never fall in love with a woman who sells herself. It always ends…badly” which would have been said by Delphine to Antoine when she finally confronted him about it, further entrenching those feelings of guilt and regret that he already had.

Now how do I think the end actually played out? Well, like Delphine promised…badly. Badly enough that when Antoine returns from the war he reacts to his mother like this…

Of course, on the surface, Antoine is angry because he finds out what she’s done to Josephine. But is there something else going on? Something more personal? A reason why Suzanne isn’t in the club in the scene when Jo turns 17?

I would say yes. My guess? Delphine fired Suzanne. On the surface, she did it to protect her “baby boy” but more ostentatiously, because both of them had betrayed her, and as her employee, Delphine viewed the entire affair as a breach of the professional trust/protection established between them.

You already know that Antoine wouldn’t have taken this lying down, only he wouldn’t have stood up to his mother just yet either (which is what makes his eventual confrontation over Josephine so much more charged) and the guilt that his lust caused a woman to lose not only her job but also her home would have been enough to break him. So what do I think Antoine did? I think he offered to marry her, not out of love or even practicality, but out of some sense of guilt and duty that we ALSO see dominate his early attitudes surrounding marriage with Zelda.

Of course, we know that didn’t happen. So I think Suzanne turned him down, whether because she sensed that he was only doing it out of guilt or because she knew that marrying the disowned son of a brother owner in segregated New Orleans was not a viable option. Or maybe she cared for him. Maybe Delphine even threatened her to stay away from Antoine, so she spurned him in the harshest way possible to ensure that their affair ended for good, and she would have no trouble with one of the most powerful madams in the city. But one thing is for sure, it ended the way Delphine promised…badly, and Antoine enlisted in war shortly after only to come home to mother ill, his home on the verge of bankruptcy, and his sister fresh from trauma inflicted on her by that very mother.

This is the Antoine we walk in on in 1920. Guarded, guilt ridden, reclusive, and protective of his home, his sister, and his heart. Recently returned home from war, only for all of his mother’s pain and corruption to surface. Then in a torrent of emotions, to realize she had been sick all along, and therefore to lose her before he could process whether, knowing that she was dying, she had indeed done it all for them and their home after all.

Thus leaving this enormous burden that it was now up to him to look after his sister and make sure the house she had fought so hard for stayed standing. Because to make his guilt even worse, when he came home from war, he had no idea where Suzanne had gone. He could only hope he didn’t make her life worse, and try to make sure he never made the same mistakes again. But somewhere, deep down when he found someone he loved, was grateful that he avoided a marriage based on guilt and duty and rather, eventually, found one built on love.

[saccharinescorpion]

4 Things You Can Try Now That You’ve Read THIS IS HOW YOU LOSE THE TIME WAR

(technically 5 things)

Mabel - a podcast by Becca De La Rosa and Maybell Marten.

Anna Limón is a home help worker currently looking after the elderly Sally Martin. When Sally has a bizarre and frightening reaction to a box of letters Anna finds in her attic one day, Anna attempts to seek answers by contacting Sally’s only known living relative: Mabel Martin.

“A podcast about ghosts, family secrets, strange houses, and missed connections,” Mabel is a story that is difficult to describe, but one of the most important points is that the vast majority of it is an epistolary narrative between Anna and Mabel, just like how This Is How You Lose The Time War is an epistolary narrative between Red and Blue. It also has a very distinct writing style- dramatic, flowery, and a little bit intimidating. However, if you loved the writing style of TIHYLTTW, I personally think that Mabel is a perfect match for you.

And I’m not just saying that because Mabel is a story about two extremely overdramatic women who are somehow both frighteningly caustic yet almost adorably useless.

The Honey Month - a book by Amal El-Mohtar 

I certainly hope I don’t have to tell you this, but Amal El-Mohtar is one of the authors of This Is How You Lose The Time War, and The Honey Month is a short book she wrote several years ago.

The Honey Month is almost more of an experiment than a book- in its introduction, a friend of El-Mohtar explains how she sent her several small samples of honey, leading El-Mohtar to use the gift as in a unique way. For one February, every day she used a different vial of honey as inspiration for a small piece of writing.

The Honey Month contains 28 short pieces of writing, poetry, prose, and some things in between. It’s a small book full of things with big impact, and contains the lyrical yet meaty writing I enjoyed from El-Mohtar in TIHYLTTW.

Otherside Picnic (裏世界ピクニック) - A series of novels by Iori Miyazawa (illustrated by Shirakaba)

College sophomore Sorawo Kamikoshi longs to find an escape from other people, and in trying to find it discovers the Otherside, a strangely beautiful yet unfathomably dangerous parallel world inhabited by the-once-fictional creatures she knows from net lore. She also meets Toriko Nishina, another young woman with a knowledge of firearms and a desire to find her missing mentor. Together, these two girls explore the Otherside and find themselves changing little by little, both due to their adventures, but also due to their relationship with each other.

If you know me you probably aren’t surprised at this reccomendation. Otherside Picnic is a truly odd beast- it’s sci-fi, it’s horror, it’s comedy, it’s yuri. It’s about trauma, it��s about Japanese creepypasta, it’s about useless lesbians, and it’s about how the scariest thing of all is being vulnerable with another human being. I think fans of  This Is How You Lose The Time War  will enjoy it- Otherside Picnic’s writing style will likely feel almost spartan compared to TIHYLTTW, but in my opinion there’s a similar level of poetry in it. There’s also a similar level of women who are “badass” yet kind of messes. You’ve heard of “Enemies to Lovers,” get ready for “Accomplices to Lovers”!

(there’s also a manga adaptation by Eita Mizuno, as well as an anime adaptation directed by Takuya Sato)

The Handmaiden (아가씨) - a movie directed by Park Chan-wook (written by Park and Chung Seo-kyung, based on the novel Fingersmith by Sarah Waters)

In Japan-occupied Korea, the pickpocket Sook-hee is recruited by a con-man to aide him in his scam of a Japanese heiress, Lady Hideko. While the con-man poses as “Count Fujiwara” and woos Hideko, Sook-hee will play the part of her maid and subtly push the heiress towards him. But as time passes, Sook-hee begins to realize there are things occuring in the mansion that are even more sinister than her and the Count’s scheme, and there is much, much more to Hideko than meets the eye.

This is a list of recommendations for “people who have finished “This Is How You Lose The Time War,” but I try to recommend The Handmaiden to as many people as I possibly can. I’ve described it in the past as the cinematic equivalent of running a marathon: with a 144 minute runtime full of gorgeous direction and set design, dark machinations, twisted yet romantic writing, often troubling themes, and so, so many plot twists, it’s a movie that nearly feels like too much of a good thing. But for fans of TIHYLTTW, I’m sure what will intrigue you most is the relationship between the two main characters, one so complicated that “Enemies to Lovers” can’t hope to capture the roiling feelings of pity, guilt, hatred, desire, annoyance, sympathy, and everything in between. 

It’s also just really hot.

The Handmaiden is a movie that is best enjoyed going in knowing as little as possible. That said, it is also a story with dark and often upsetting themes that are absolutely crucial to its narrative. If you are concerned about that statement,  I reccomend looking at the movies’ entry on DoesTheDogDie, which I have looked at and found to be a pretty comprehesive list of content warnings that can be examined in a way that doesn’t spoil the twists of the story.

Fingersmith - a novel by Sarah Waters

I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I swear I’m going to get around to it!! I can’t technically recommend the book that inspired The Handmaiden since I haven’t read it yet, but I have at least one friend whose opinion I trust who sings its praises, so it’s good enough for me. Besides, if the recent popularity of This Is How You Lose The Time War has showed us anything, it’s that people constantly crave stories about complicated women, so it certainly can’t hurt, right?

[loving-family-poll]

Ultimate Incest Tournament - Round 2

Norma and Norman Bates sculpture by artist "Rainman," titled Murderer

Propaganda under the cut:

Norma/Norman:

The weirdest, most charming mother/son duo ever. Bates Motel took an interesting story and turned it into something greater, exploring Norma and Norman's relationship with sincere sympathy. Their love for each other is beautiful, but destructive; their intimacy was born out of necessity and shared pain; the world won't leave them alone. It's awful to witness. It's beautiful and heartbreaking.

i mean COME ON. Norma is constantly upset that Norman expresses interest in other women. She hid her husband from Norman because she knew Norman would throw a hissy fit over them being together (which he did)

He tried to commit murder-suicide so they could die together and when he survived he taxidermied her corpse so they could be together forever

Norman “It’s like there’s a cord between us” x Norma “Honey that’s - that’s from Jane Eyre” are everything to me. I’m barely scratching the surface in doing justice to their insanity. They mean everything to each other and I love their fucked-up codependency so dearly.

After he killed her he couldn't live without her so literally absorbed her personality and started wearing her clothes and speaking for her and carrying her corpse around and when a woman he was attracted to showed up at the hotel he killed her as his mother bc of his mother's jealousy??

Gerard/Mikey:

Vocalist and bassist respectively of my chemical romance. they are insanely codependent (describing themselves as the same person just different heights etc). gerard has also licked mikeys nipple onstage. good times

Gerard is decidedly super abnormal about mikey. he has written many songs about him that are always adjacent to straight up love songs. he has also been explicitly sexual with him (giving him a pantomime handjob, caressing his chest, saying he looks like a hooker etc etc) while also constantly babying him. theyre codependent and they finish each others sentences and theyre in ickydisgusting brotherlove❤️❤️❤️❤️

Grew up together as the outsiders in their New Jersey town and spent their teenhoods together in a musty basement. Mikey learned to walk by running after Gerard and face-planting. Gerard drew comics for Mikey and told him stories. They went to a Smashing Pumpkins concert together and decided that being in a band is what they wanted out of life. Mikey learned the bass because Gerard was in bands and he wanted to join. Gerard called up Mikey after witnessing 9/11 and told him they're gonna start a band. Everything they do is together, they love each other. And isn't it so much fun to turn that incest?

Mikey Way wrote a comic where the main character, who looks like him from the black parade era, gets a woman pregnant. Which isn't incestuous on its own, but she looks like the female version of Gerard Way from the black parade era. Love is love or something

[sweetestpopcorn]

How would you rank the top 5 most beautiful women of House Targaryen?

(I imagine it'd be a difficult endeavour 😜)

This actually was quite difficult yes! Because this is House Targaryen who George himself described as being composed of people who are otherworldly beautiful 😭 but luckily for you, Anon, I saw the lists of a friend and a friend of his and their explanations so I think it kind of helped me to decide.

Because this is only beautiful Targaryen women Shiera Seastar will be excluded since she's not strictly speaking a Targaryen. So my list is:

Viserra Targaryen -> described as a "goddess" and said to be the most beautiful of the daughters of Jaehaerys and Alysanne, she had all the dudes chasing after her, so we have a level of objectivity to say this and to say that the vast majority of people agreed she was extremely beautiful. Plus, she had several sisters also said to be beautiful - Daella and Saera - and still Viserra stood out. I will give her spot number one.

Rhaenyra Targaryen "The Realm's Delight" -> described by Daemon Targaryen - The Rogue Prince - as the "fairest maid of the Seven Kingdoms", and he had definitely seen many of them, lets also not forget Rhaenys and Laena also existed. Rhaenyra was also said to be "as beautiful as only one of dragon's blood could be beautiful" with her family's silver-gold hair and purple eyes. Much like Shierra Seastar, she is described as the fairest in Westeros. We also know anything straight enough was chasing after Rhaenyra. Hells, Forrest Frey asked her to marry him on the spot when he saw her. Hells, after six pregnancies men were still pinning for her. This is next level. I did want her to give her number 1, but it goes to Viserra because I know I am biased.

Rhaenys Targaryen - Queen Rhaenys -> the youngest of the Conqueror trio and again hinted to be the most beautiful woman in Westeros of her time. Besides her looks, however, Rhaenys was curious, kind to the smallfolk, smart, loved music and poetry. Aegon spent 10 nights with her for every 1 with Visenya, and Visenya was also a Targaryen. Probably the only reason there weren't more men chasing after her was because of how guarded Aegon kept her XD or because they feared Meraxes.

Daenerys Targaryen - "The Mother of Dragons" -> described again and again as the most beautiful woman on the world by many different characters. In a sense she almost reminds me of Rhaenyra because anything straight enough was wanting to marry her like, sir calm down! This woman is 15 (at the end of Dance)! The only reason I did not place Dany higher was simply because of how thin she's described to be, in a manner that is not very healthy and in fact, we do see she barely eats. But maybe she could or should be higher...

Naerys Targaryen -> I am putting her right after Dany because George said that the two had a certain resemblance to each other. Naerys is also described by George as a delicate otherworldly beauty with large deep-purple eyes. We could make an argument about no man chasing after her, but again Naerys was very religious and covered a lot, so maybe not the thing to get a man's blood pumping XD she was also described as emanciated which makes me frown my noise... but again she's here because of how George describes her and her resemblance to Dany who is indisputably, the most beautiful woman of her time.

Honourable mentions would go to: Daena Targaryen, Rhaena Targaryen (Aenys's daughter), Rhaena Targaryen (Aegon III's daughter) and Saera Targaryen

PS: ASOIAF Rhaenyra Targaryen only

[bettyshoweduptotheparty]

Happy 4th December - No, we are not there yet

Sorry in advance, this is a bit of rant, which is not something I usually post. But it's a wet Monday morning and I've had a really frustrating weekend, and today, on this anniversary of maybe the biggest piece of gaylor lore, the pictures and headlines I'm seeing just tipped me over the edge into a rant.

So, on this 4th December 2023 it is 9 years to the day that the world woke up to grainy pictures and videos of Taylor Swift, the world's most famous popstar and America's ultimate good girl, allegedly kissing a woman at a 1975 concert. And the tabloids and social media went crazy over it. And not in a good way. I remember the way I felt, so very nauseated about reading words like 'lesbian affair', 'shocking' and 'fling', not just on Taylor and Karlie's behalf, but the way it made me feel about myself, too. I was brutally reminded that 'lesbian' in 2014 was still seen as a dirty word and society's default was to see sapphic relationships as something scandalous and a fall from grace, rather than something beautiful. To this day I look at this photo and can't help but feel awed by the love and intimacy that their body language exudes, but the world didn't see it that way, they were just obsessing over whether they kissed or not and how to spin that into a dirty story.

That was almost a decade ago. So, have we made progress? Is it all fixed and every queer person (especially artists and celebrities) can live authentically and freely? Well, no, of course not, as was possibly proven again this weekend by Billie Eilish, who confirmed that she is gay (more or less unplanned) in an interview. Nobody should be surprised as she was never subtle about her queerness, yet it cost her over 100,000 social media followers in just 24 hours after explicitly coming out. Being gay, especially for women, is only acceptable when mainstream society don't have to see it. Don't talk about it and God forbid, don't kiss in public. Never mind that straight people do it all the time. The very same tabloid paper that printed kissgate pictures with the word 'shocking' next to them, put Taylor on the cover two years later and described her romance with Tom Hiddleston as 'exciting' and 'sexy'. And on the very morning I see the tweet about Billie, I find this message in my inbox:

Why indeed...? And I was of course expecting Taylor to show up at another football game, but to see her looking somber in a Carol-esque red fur coat, while her partner and all her friends are having a lovely time in LA... it just makes me angry today. Yes, maybe we've made progress in same ways, but we are still so far from where we need to be for everyone to be able to come out without repercussion. In a better world, Taylor would have been in a gorgeous dress next to her wife, rather than sitting next to the girl who would have bullied us in High School.

(And btw, not only was Rebel Wilson blackmailed into coming out by the Sydney Morning Herold, she has lost thousands of followers and has pretty much focused on film making rather than acting since coming out. Maybe this was always her plan, but also, maybe not. Interesting, that film making is also seemingly becoming Taylor's second career leg...)

So, anon who sent me the question above, take this as my answer. Why is the most famous popstar in the world not out in 2023? Most likely because it would cost her so much of what she's worked hard for over the last 17 years. Not withstanding that the answer may also be 🛴 and what he did in 2019 that prevented her from coming out then, the world is just not a very good place for a celebrity to be anything other than straight, white and cisgender. And after 10 years of activism in LGBTQ+ organisations, today I feel a bit deflated by that. But with every single person who feels brave enough to shout their truth from the rooftops, we break down the walls a little more each time. 🌈

[velvet4510]

i saw these two people in the tolkien discord server i’m in say this, and while i can see their point (i 100% believe that men should be able to be affectionate without romantic undertones), i just feel like so many people get the wrong idea that samfro shippers merely see them as “gay and cute”

most of us accept all interpretations of their relationship, whether that’s soulmates, queer-platonic, romantic, etc

i was wondering what your opinion on this is??

Great question! SO sorry for the delay in responding. I hope to make my reply worth the wait. Also, this answer will be really long - sorry again - but I have many thoughts on this.

I completely agree that men should be able to be affectionate without it being romantic. Women do not have this problem of fearing open affection due to assumptions about sexuality, and I think it’s a terrible symptom of toxic masculinity for men to forbid themselves from showing affection out of fear of it being misinterpreted. LOTR is full of many beautiful examples of how men can be emotionally vulnerable with each other and how platonic friends can still physically express innocent affection (Aragorn’s kiss to Boromir’s forehead is a great example). Modern society should definitely follow the examples set by these characters.

The thing is, as a straight woman, I did not go into LOTR expecting to see any same-sex romances at all. And the majority of male friendships depicted in the book and films never gave me any sense of romantic undertones. Unlike many fans, I do not ship Legolas and Gimli because I recognize that their relationship is a bridge between Elves and Dwarves, proof that they can get along, that despite their differences, they can still find common ground and respect each other and be friends. This to me is a far more important message than a generic “forbidden romantic love story” that many view their relationship as. Their bond isn’t necessarily about wanting to sleep together, but more about recognizing that they can like and be fond of each other, and not allow their parents or cultures to influence how they view each other. I do not hate the Gigolas ship, of course, and people can feel free to ship them if they want to. But to me, they fall under the category described in the discord that you have shared: their friendly intimacy does not necessarily signify anything romantic. Even their journey into the West together does not have to be a romantic thing; I see it as Gimli not wanting to say goodbye to any more of his friends, after losing Merry, Pippin, and Aragorn, and instead going on one last adventure with his soul-brother Legolas.

Frodo and Sam, however, have always stood out to me as being different from all the other friendships in LOTR. I didn’t even take any pause in the fact that they’re both male. I just saw two people in love. It’s just in how they are written, and in Elijah and Sean’s beautiful performances. I totally agree that ANY interpretation of their relationship is valid. I think it is very wrong for any shipper of these two to insult or declare someone “wrong” to see them as just friends. But it’s the same the other way around. It is unfair for non-shippers to hate on shippers. While the argument regarding Tolkien’s Catholicism is an understandable one, texts and characters do develop lives of their own over time. Texts are meant to be interpreted. Tolkien himself wrote that he did not want to enforce his own beliefs within the story, and instead preferred to leave it open to readers to apply their own views and perspectives to it. He basically was inviting us to make interpretations that deviate from his own. He may not have had sexuality in mind when he wrote this, but if he were alive, I very much doubt he’d be hypocritical enough to criticize people for doing the very thing he encouraged them to do, especially since he was smart enough to know that not every reader of his work was or would be Catholic, and thus may not see certain aspects the way he did.

The main, unchangeable, factual point about Frodo and Sam’s relationship is that they love each other. That’s it. They go from formal master and servant to two people who have been through hell and back together, and in the process, formed a bond that nobody else will ever understand. This point stands, whether their specific feelings for each other are platonic or romantic. To view them as lovers does not take away from or undermine the foundations of how Tolkien shaped their characters and the connection they build.

It also bothers me how those who criticize this ship use the word “gay.” Bear in mind, of course, that I’m not an actual member of the LGBT community, and I’m speaking based on my love for my many LGBT friends and relatives, and the efforts I’ve made to understand and empathize with this community, and to never be among those who hate people based on who they love. But I’ve learned enough by now to know that it is quite ignorant of people to truncate the idea of Frodo and Sam being in love as “they’re gay.” Sam is not gay, as shown by his love for Rosie. To ship Frodo and Sam is not to erase Rosie or pretend Sam doesn’t love her. Sam has the biggest heart of any fictional character I’ve ever seen, and I, like many shippers, don’t find it implausible that he has room enough in that heart to have two great loves.

On that note, I’ll now signify that in the text Frodo and Sam have many moments that no other pair of male characters have, which serve as actual potential evidence of a romance. It says in the text itself that he is “torn in two” between Frodo and Rosie. No other pair of male characters in LOTR has any moment like this. Aragorn does not feel torn between Arwen and his friends, for instance. Sam hesitating to marry Rosie if it means he can’t be near Frodo is a very unique detail that adds weight to this “ship.” Not to mention the way Sam strokes Frodo’s hand in Rivendell and blushes, or calls himself “your Sam,” or has a Romeo-like moment of falsely believing Frodo is dead, or longs for the touch of Frodo’s hand in the Tower of Cirith Ungol. Plus, don’t forget that in another of Tolkien’s writings, Elanor directly compares Sam losing Frodo to Celeborn losing his wife. Also, I and many others have described how Frodo and Sam’s story directly parallels that of two canon lovers, Beren and Lúthien. Again, platonic interpretations of all this are valid, but it’s important to remember that shippers are not making things up. We’re not saying or believing that Frodo and Sam are in love “because they’re cute”. There are many moments between them in the text that support this interpretation, not the least of which is a direct parallel to a canon romantic couple - and without context, many of their exchanges and moments could easily be seen in a romantic light. (Sam watching Frodo sleep and saying “I love him, whether or no,” and declaring his one wish after potentially completing the Quest alone is not to return to the Shire and Rosie, but to return to Frodo’s body and never leave him again … all these things are right there in the text. Merry and Pippin, Legolas and Gimli, Aragorn and Boromir, none of them have any moments like this.)

And Sam’s journey across the Sea does not have nearly as much ambiguity as Gimli’s. Gimli has more to gain by going than staying; to stay would be to be left alone with no family and no more Elves or hobbits around, while to go would be to stand by his best friend, see the woman he loves/deeply admires again (Galadriel), and not face any more goodbyes. He wouldn’t really lose anything by leaving with Legolas, only gain. Sam’s circumstances are completely different. He has many people in the Shire; 13 children and countless grandchildren who could take care of him. He could easily spend his last days peacefully living with Elanor and watching her children grow, as any old hobbit would typically do. To sail West would be to lose and permanently be separated from a countless number of loved ones. And though he was affected by the Ring as a Ring-bearer, he held it for a very brief time, short enough for it to not prevent him from having a normal life after the war. It cannot be easily assumed that the lasting effect of the Ring on him was so powerful that it made him happier to leave his family than to stay with them. Because what would be waiting for him in Valinor? Gimli had two people in Valinor to whom he was very close, Legolas and Galadriel, as opposed to no loved ones back in Middle-earth. But Sam had one person in Valinor to whom he was very close, Frodo, as opposed to dozens of loved ones back in Middle-earth. The fact that he chooses Frodo over his family, to live with Frodo rather than die with and rest beside Rosie, to see Frodo again rather than see his family as much as possible in his remaining days…is a major point worth considering, and another thing that adds a layer of credibility to the idea of shipping them.

So to sum it all up, to say “you just ship Frodo and Sam because you don’t know what friendship is, because you think they’re cute so they must want to sleep together” is a MASSIVE trivialization/oversimplification/misunderstanding and completely ignores the things I’ve just laid out, particularly the distinctions between their relationship and those of other male pairings in LOTR.

Ok, ramble time is over…Boy, I hope that made at least one lick of sense! Haha.

[night-lakmen]

The art of writing 'confident' fictional women

Making female characters who're supposed to be 'queen bees' and/or popular comes with a great amount of misogyny and internalised competition amongst women.

• The Mary sue.

She's perfect, she's everything. While partying everyday and not studying once in the entire book, she's able to be both the magnet and the nerd who knows everything being taught in the class. All men turn to look at her, all women are envious of her beauty.

Most of such characters are described as having certain particular beauty standards. Beauty is different for different people,and attraction isn't warranted by looks. There's a stark difference between being easy on the eye and attractive.

Such characters are also shown to be either incredibly revealing in clothing in places where they shouldn't be, and are described using adjectives that make you more uncomfortable than enamoured. Most of the time they're said to be 'inspired off IT GIRLS', when being an IT girl says nothing about bringing other women down by saying how they surpass everyone around them.

• The Edgy Bombshell.

The og y/n.

Hair up in a messy bun, wearing the first thing she finds in her room she's still the most beautiful girl in school/class/the entire world. Things that are symptoms of depression become aesthetic for her, the just out of bed look being one of 'not like other girls' and not 'im suffering. Help.'

Such characters are often uplifted by adding bimbo, cheerleader chars who wear clothes/are portrayed to be more extroverted, glittery and cheery than the said character. Un necessary bullying from the girly chars and constant threats of 'you're stealing my boyfriend' ruin her day.

The only thing she needs to steal is a time table.

• The Pseudo bully.

She's not mean, she's just the girl who's honest with everyone.

Even though she's the worst person to walk on earth with the way she talks to people,somehow everyone bows to her word. Similar to the first one, she's somehow liked by everyone. Never a pore, never any body type other than hourglass, she brings her friends down by making weird jokes and putting them out as 'savage' when they're not comebacks, just actual insults.

But she's not a bully! Her behavior is entitled, she thinks she has earned the entire world because of the way she is raised or looks, but she is not a bully!

• The gangster

[I love biker women<3]

She's not like the other basic girls. She knows bikes, she knows cars. Everyone comes to her to get their stuff fixed and she has beef with every other woman in school. It isn't her fault she's one of the boys and was raised with 69 boys!

Most of the time such characters lean heavily towards type 2, having either an excess amount of terrible hygiene, humor, or towards 1.

The only time this is acceptable is when she's lesbian. I love biker women<333!!!

The art of writing fictional women has been around for ages, yet it is one people still haven't figured out yet. Much like in real life, the objectification of women and their bodies to appease the readers is prevalent among writers both male and sadly female. One woman can't be both popular and nice, for that's a sin. Kindness doesn't warrant popularity, for women are always fighting amongst each other in their mind.

Popularity is gained because of a lot of things, and most of them aren't positive things. The only time people end up liking you is if you're aware of other people: and don't put other people down to raise others. Women are much more than their bodies, their beauty, their sexuality. They can have off days, they can have many different kinds of personalities and moods depending on the situation.

The art of writing women is almost like the art of loving women, and it's safe to say that we're failing in both.

[midnight-in-town]

“Why can’t you just be who I want you to be?”

Okay wowwww. Emotionally intense and unsettling scene there. From Marisa spitting on Asriel (happened in the book), to him almost choking her (nope), that was... hot terrifying, even more so considering that this was not at all the vibe we got from the trailer for that scene. 

Considering that the more intense part of this scene was not in the book, I wondered for a while why this scene still made so.much.sense and I think maybe I figured it out. 

I read or listened to James McAvoy speaking about S3 several times and once or twice he mentioned that s3 was hard on Asriel because 1) he realizes he’s not the main character of this story but his daughter is, 2)“the love of his life walks back into his life” and he’s gotta deal with it. And man, oh man, now do I realize with s3 ep3 how badly he deals with all of it. With all of them. This is why I’m so glad that we have James playing Asriel, because he loves these books so much thus he knows how to handle such a fiery man like Asriel, making ep3 so epic ! 

Tbh, while most men desire and lust after Marisa in this series (Boreal, MacPhail) because she acts the part of the beautiful woman while barely hiding her own lust for power (since women in her world hardly have any opportunity to be men’s equal and she wants that, so they don’t know how to handle her which is, for controlling men, tempting), I’m convinced Asriel sees her as his equal and she knows it as well. 

So why would he almost lose his mind like that in ep3? He knows her well, he knows she lies, he knows he can’t trust her even if he wants to and he witnessed in the past that she chose Lyra over him. Well, because, this whole reunion eventually turns out to be about him being completely jealous and mad that she can never choose him over absolutely everything else.

“why can’t you just be who I want you to be?” 

He said it: he sacrificed too much of his life so far to change his ways now. So he’s not just mad about Lyra’s safety being more important than his rebellion against the Authority in this scene. It’s also about the affair and how Marisa never left Edward, it’s about how she describes their affair as “a shame” when for him it can never be a humiliation because they loved each other, how she didn’t leave their world with him because she chose Lyra and, now, how Marisa doesn’t even recognize how much he sacrificed for this rebellion because Lyra’s safety matters more to her. After all, she only decided to help his side because they could protect Lyra.

“why can’t you just be who I want you to be?”

To be fair, Ogunwe had warned him (“if that woman tempted you, I’m not sure you’d resist”) and he at least had the decency not to deny it (can’t remember if he was as explicitly silent in the book): he still carries so much baggage from their affair that he never properly dealt with that it all came running back to him, when Marisa kept talking about Lyra, dismissing the role his rebellion against God plays in all this. 

This whole scene was unexpected by how intense it was, but it makes so much sense that he’d lose it briefly, because what Asriel selfishly wants is for Marisa to support and love him, the man who challenged God, and no one else. Could be partly why, at this point, he rejects Lyra’s importance in all of this.

Anyway, LOTS of kudos to Ruth Wilson and James McAvoy for bringing such an intense reminiscence on screen in less than a minute: the whole episode 3 was a delight to watch, with how they brought to life the broken but incredibly compelling dynamic between Asriel and Marisa. :D 

[hotvintagepoll]

This is a three-way poll. Only one of these women will continue to the fourth round of the bracket.

Propaganda

Ava Gardner (The Killers, The Barefoot Contessa)— She's so goddamn hot. Her and Frank Sinatra could've sandwiched me and I would've thanked them for the privilege

Leonor Maia (The Tyrannical Father)— She didn't do a lot of movies but in The Tyrannical Father she is so pretty and charming that there's a guy who's obsessed with her to such a degree he is still a meme 80 years later. Her character's name is Tatão and the guy would stare at her whenever she was there and say her name to the tune of everything. A clock ticking: ta-tão, ta-tão, ta-tão. And to this day one of the lines people know the best from that very quotable movie is "ta-tão". She inspired crushes and horniness of legendary levels.

Louise Brooks (Pandora's Box, Diary of a Lost Girl)—Louise Brooks started off as a dancer and went to work in the Follies before going to Hollywood. Disappointed with her roles there, she went to Germany and proceeded to make Pandora's Box, the first film to show a lesbian on-screen (not her but one of her many doomed admirers in the film), and Diary of a Lost Girl, both of which are considered two of the greatest films of the 20th century. She helped popularize the bob and natural acting, acting far more subtly than her contemporaries who treated the camera as a stage audience. After the collapse of her film career and a remarkably rough patch as a high-end sex worker, she was rediscovered and did film criticism, notably "Lulu in Hollywood," which Rodger Ebert called "indispensable." Also, christ. Look at her.

This is round 3 of the tournament. All other polls in this bracket can be found here. Please reblog with further support of your beloved hot sexy vintage woman.

[additional propaganda submitted under the cut.]

Ava Gardner:

Ava Gardner is one of my favorite actresses of all time. Although a lot of her roles in movies are about her being beautiful and nothing else, there are some films where her acting truly shines.

Gifset: https://www.tumblr.com/pelopides/721438308726603776/ava-gardner-as-pandora-reynolds-pandora-and-the

Gifset 2: https://www.tumblr.com/portraitoflestatonfire/731899355804598272/if-the-loustat-reunion-doesnt-look-like-this-then

HER FACE. LOOK AT IT. Also was a life long supporter of civil rights and a member of the NAACP, had lots of fun love affairs with other stars, bullfighters, married several times but was also happy in between to just have lovers and was unapologetically herself.

I literally gasp every time I see her.

Between 1942 and 1964, Ava Gardner was credited in no less 50 films, and is still considered by some to be the most beautiful actresses that ever graced the silver screen. Despite life-long insecurities regarding her talent as an actress, she weathered public scandal, industry hostility, and outright condemnation by the Catholic Church with fearless grace. She would later in life talk candidly about the reality and pain of living through two (studio approved!!) abortions during her short marriage to Frank Sinatra, and while the two of them could not make their relationship work, they remained in each other’s lives for nearly 30 years. She would forever describe herself as a small-town girl who just got lucky, but always felt like a beautiful outsider.

Really genuinely one of the most beautiful human beings I have ever seen. An autodidact. Had amazing chemistry with Gregory Peck to the point where I do think about watching On The Beach again sometimes because they're so good together even though that movie did destroy me. Was a great femme fatale in many movies.

There is no additional propaganda for Leonor Maia.

Louise Brooks:

"Defined the style of the modern flapper. A gaze that could make a stone fall in love."

"Louise Brooks left a legend far greater than her real achievement as an actress, but even today few people have seen her films. In our own time, the fascination with Brooks seems to have begun in 1979 with a profile by Kenneth Tynan in the New Yorker, which revealed that the actress who made her last movie in 1938 was alive and living in Rochester, N.Y. Such was the power of Tynan's prose that people began to seek out her existing films, primarily this one, to discover what the fuss was about. What we see here is a healthy young woman -- she was 23 when the film was released -- with whom the camera, under G.W. Pabst's influence, is fascinated. There is a deep paradox in Brooks and her career: the American girl who found success in the troubled Europe between two wars; the vivid personality who briefly dazzled two continents but faded into obscurity; the liberated woman who had affairs with such prominent men as CBS founder William S. Paley as well as with women including (by her account) Greta Garbo but wound up a solitary recluse. And all of this seems perfectly in keeping with her most celebrated role in Pandora's Box. For despite her bright vitality, her flashing dark eyes and brilliant smile, Brooks's Lulu becomes the ultimate femme fatale, careering her way toward destruction, not only of her lovers but eventually of herself."

"She invented having bangs to indicate that you have borderline personality disorder"

"chances are if youve ever seen a "flapper girl" character or even just art of a generic flapper type made after the 20s it was based on her appearance - particularly the bob hairstyle! she had some pretty rough experiences through her life before during and after her tumultuous acting career which ended in 1938 but she made it to the 80s, wrote an autobiography and did a lot of interviews that she was never afraid of being honest in about her own life or peers of the age, and apparently was unabashed about some affairs she had with well known women (including greta garbo!!)"

"She read Proust and Schopenhauer on set between sets. She was one of the original flappers/new women of the 1920s. She had a one night stand with Garbo and was the inspiration for Sally Bowles in Cabaret. Truly a stone cold fox."

"on her wikipedia page it says her biographer said she "loved women as a homosexual man, rather than as a lesbian, would love them" and while i have no idea if this is true or not i thought that was very gender of her"

"despite being american she was big in german expressionist films and thus her aesthetic was unmatched!!"

So far ahead of her time in regard to portraying complicated women. Timeless elegance. "I learned to act by watching Martha Graham dance, and I learned to dance by watching Charlie Chaplin act.” - Louise Brooks

[aphrostarot]

Leo Woman:

Title: “The Knockout”

For simplicity's sake, I will use the pronouns “he/him” for the male versions of the signs and “she/her” for the female versions of the signs. This is not to say that the people who identify with the male or female versions of each sign identify with those pronouns. This post is focusing on the different sexes (male vs female) not gender. Gender is fluid and I am in no way labeling people with these posts. Also, these posts are focusing solely on the Sun signs of each zodiac, other birth chart placements may cause someone to not fit into everything I have described.

Masterlist

Mind (how they think):

The Sun rules the sign of Leo, which is represented by the authoritative Father Principle. Male Leos express this characteristic by having huge amounts of energy, an innate sense of ease, and a sense of entitlement. Female Leos express this as a revolt against the patriarchy, a call to leave the universally accepted patriarchal society that is dominated by men.

Typically, she is raised as a latchkey kid, with her parents mostly absent during the day.

She becomes a strong supporter of self-reliance because of this, honing her survivalist skills in the process of creating a stable home environment for herself.

There is oftentimes a dramatic reason for the absence of one or both of her parents. It is most times the mother who is absent in her life, due to divorce, death, or more often just emotionally absent in parenting the Leo female.

The Leo woman's father is most often strict and strong-willed, though has a more sporadic presence at home. In the extreme, he is a tough disciplinarian, dogmatic politically, religiously, or both, against whose dictatorial nature the little Lion girl privately begins to rebel.

Despite pretending to comply with her parents' rules, she disobeys them nonchalantly, secretly following her own path. Her path is rarely what you would expect.

Although she suffered from the strict temperament of her father, she often credits him with giving her the courage to stand up for what she believes in.

She focuses most of her time on her passions, usually those that involve stepping into some sort of spotlight.

It is easy for her to gain the respect of teachers and other grown-ups, due to her self-reliant nature.

It isn’t until she realizes that survival depends on cooperation with others, particularly with other females that she cultivates a pack of women who share the same ideals as her.

As the only fixed-fire female in the zodiac, she excels at pursuits that require sustained action and creativity.

If she sees a creative plan or concept that isn’t being done justice she will step in and develop it into something that fits her image of what it should look like.

It is her birthright as one born under the sign of wholeness and completion, to envision how a half-baked concept could be sufficiently fleshed out and then accomplished.

She isn’t always conscious of her tendency to usurp other people's territory. Regardless, she may easily gain a reputation for being commandeering.

The biggest lesson she will have to face psychologically throughout her whole life is learning when enough is enough. Megalomania is often her undoing.

Body + Soul (what they look like inside and out):

She is infused with so much physical and emotional energy that she often seems larger than life.

She is haughty, cunning like a cat, somewhat savage in her movements, athletic, often exhibiting a defined musculature.

Her brand of beauty is often distinctly fiery, made all the more vivid by her style choices, as she often kits herself out in boldly revealing clothes, brightening her hair to a golden red or flaxen blonde.

Unlike the male Leo who guards his autonomy at all costs, the female Leo eagerly invites a circle of admirers who’ll unfailingly honor her inherent self-styled VIP status.

She is not generally loving, she saves her fervent devotion for just one or two lucky, and hopefully hardy, individuals.

More than most fully matured females, Leo remains devoted to one long-standing best friend from childhood, someone whose life should revolve around her, though rarely vice versa.

She doesn’t so much enter a room as storm it. Her vivacious body language is as eye-catching as her colorfully coordinated appearance.

Her voice stands out, a gravely honeyed growl that regularly crescendos into explosions of full-bodied laughter.

She is naturally fit, blessed with a low percentage of fat and a muscled physique.

There are moments in her life where she could put on some weight. However, that is usually a manifestation of a “blocked” emotional life; and often she’ll lose that weight just as quickly as she put it on when she deals with that blockage.

If she does, however, happen to be bigger than the average Leo woman that does not mean she will hide herself in baggy clothes. She will still be very confident and flaunt herself the way any other Leo woman will.

The Leo woman is generally beautiful, however, there is often a hardness to Leo's face that saves her from being considered ‘pretty’ by others.

No matter her race, her skin is often pale, with freckles, or uneven in tone.

Her skin is usually on the dryer side.

She usually has a heart-shaped head with an infamous mane that frames her face.

Her hair is surprisingly straight, sparse, and dry, she goes to great lengths to make it look more voluminous, often overhandling it.

Her jaw, like the rest of her, is strong and well-defined, her neck sinewy, her shoulders athletically square, as is her upper torso. She has very little curve, even at the waist.

Her boobs are perfectly formed and almost always symmetrical, and she knows this.

Nothing about her body language suggests that she is insecure. She moves deliberately, with a natural grace that is slinky like a cat’s rather than delicate as a swan’s.

Her legs tend to be lean and mighty with the calf and thigh muscles visibly ripped.

Her hands and feet tend to be rough and dry. No amount of cream or other cures can counteract that.

She can’t help but exude naturally raw sexuality, no matter the fashionable clothes she wears, the careful grooming she does, or the constant cosmetic makeovers she gives herself.

Her body temperature tends to hover just above normal. When she is looking for a lover she prefers someone who also runs just as hot as she does.

The Leo woman does not do phony. Mainly because they simply can't pretend to be something they are not. They are terrible liars, tending to overdo it, and giving themselves away along the way.

She finds success by being a bit of a copycat, running with others’ only half-baked ideas. She completes what others stumble upon or pioneer, doing up all she takes on.

She can be loud and pushy. In time she should adopt a sense of calm in the candid expression of her opinions.

A poorly aspected Leo personality will be characterized by brutal curtness and bullying directed primarily at those she maniacally curses for being “better” than herself, unwitting objects of her signature insane jealousy.

Leo will have you know she never caters to anyone by herself. However, she expects others to do any and all the grunt work, while she remains a calm, cool command central.

Only people with a visible passion akin to her own will catch her attention. Those she deems lacking this particular trait, deserve to play the part of handmaiden or fool for her emotional edification.

Sex + Sexuality (what they are like in bed and what they look for in a mate):

Leo Woman Interested in Men:

Leo woman interested in men is drawn to a man with ardent natures, who appear to wear their hearts on their sleeves.

Leo women are notorious for falling head over heels in love with a dark and dashing man. Blonde men usually are not someone whom a Leo woman thinks twice about.

She will typically lighten her own look up, however, to appeal to the men she likes. She goes for a look that most resembles the sun, golden hair, tanned skin, warm warm-toned colors in her wardrobe.

Men ruled by their hearts are those she seeks to capture.

She tends to be blatantly obvious in her feelings. She doesn’t want the man she likes to have to guess whether she likes him or not.

This is to say, she is the one who does the pursuing. She doesn’t typically like a man who pursues her.

She is a master of flirtation, once she’s convinced of a man’s interest in her, she’ll play cat and mouse, toying and teasing him unabashedly.

She tends to think that her naturally tough, ambitious self may frighten men, so, she will instinctively act comically feeble-witted, like the school brainiac who swears she’ll fail tests, only to ever scare A-pluses.

If she is ever pursuing a man, it is because there is intense passion present. If there isn’t she will not waste her time.

She is not quick to fall in love at first sight.

She is an outrageous flirt with an insatiable appetite for sex. But, sex to the Leo woman is a vividly demonstrative means of making an emotional attachment.

She guards her emotions fervently. Though, through sex, exercise, and ambition she shows them.

She is a true romantic. She believes that men with visible passion will love her more fully than she perceives other, more stoic males to do.

It is the promise of sex, not sex itself, that she uses to get men.

She likes to give her partner the impression that they are running the show, and to do this she allows him to act more selfishly in bed. At least, at first.

She will typically take a more passive role, pretending to play the role of a woman who will make no demands in the relationship, with the hopes of not scaring him off.

In truth, however, she is one of the most commanding women in the zodiac.

She wants nothing more in life than to love, and this is something she is wildly capable of doing.

She expects her partner to love her just as much as she loves them.

There is nobody more devoted than the Leo woman in love.

Because she is a fixed fire sign, she will attach her full, feverish energy to whatever creative or loving pursuit has her attention.

To be loved by her is like being offered a challenge, one that demands a man expressing his feelings to the fullest capacity.

She may put her partner through the emotional ringer, constantly demanding more proof of their interest in her.

She will do this until she learns a life lesson that almost every Leo woman will need to learn in their love life; to back off.

Far too often in her life, she will bark up the wrong tree, especially when it comes to romantic interests.

Early on in her life, she will far too often end up in relationships with himbos because of her overbearing nature when pursuing someone.

Once she comes to this revelation, she will learn that she needs to ease up, both in her pursuit of someone to be in a relationship with and in her pursuit of constant validation once she’s in a relationship.

She usually learns the hard way that love chased is often the one hardest to keep.

The man who is lucky enough to get the Leo woman in bed will have to overwhelm her. Only by doing this, will they actually prove themselves worthy of her love.

She wants a man who can keep up with her, some healthy competition is what she really craves.

She enjoys besting and being bested in bed.

She thrives on high-powered men, those who generate growth in the world - makers, shakers, movers, and manufacturers- self-made men and kings of industry, leaders worthy of her company.

It takes a special kind of man to be with Leo, one who gives way to her fiercest dramas, remaining unruffled, but who will nonetheless refuse to be whipped by her.

She will at some point in her life learn that for her, of all women, Mr.Rights are few and far between.

This is when she learns self-love is exactly what she needs to feel fulfilled in life.

She will fuel her love of herself with the admiration of others.

She tends to find the love that she seeks when she least expects it - while she is focused on her personal ambitions.

She demands a great challenge from men, demanding whether they can break her self-protective barrier and love her as much as she loves herself.

Until a man is successful in breaking down her barriers, an emotionally evolved Leo is living proof that if you love yourself, the whole world loves you back.

If the Leo woman has been burned enough times trying to engineer and force relationships, she may one day find herself willing to let a man take the reins in driving their relationship.

Leo women can be so self-consumed that they can’t help but attract men who are secure enough in their masculinity to not feel threatened by her.

She craves someone who will stand up to the rigorous rough and tumble lifestyle and sex life she enjoys without fear of crushing his ego.

She likes to battle her lover for dominance in the bedroom. This is not to say that she is usually a dom. Rather, she is more of a switch and prefers her partner to be one too.

She is an enthusiastic lover and a fast learner.

For her, sex needs to feel like play.

She expects her partner to successfully, and willingly, put her through her sexual paces.

This explains why she typically goes for younger guys.

She appreciates a younger man's innocence and wide-eyed enthusiasm when it comes to sex, and she will eagerly take on the role of their teacher.

She’s not usually one to hesitate jumping into bed with a man too early in the relationship. She needs to check out the merchandise before she fully commits to someone and this is the only way she knows how to do that properly.

She can have a wandering eye when she is in a relationship with a man who doesn’t satisfy her.

Size does matter to her, especially girth.

She is not one to like slow and steady sex, she wants it rough and fast. Not fast as in a quickie more like fast-paced. Marathon sex is exactly what she craves.

She’s not necessarily verbal, more like noisy, and a screamer.

She has no interest in role-play and is turned off by men who seem to be too in their heads in bed.

She wants a man who agrees that sex is about getting off as furiously as possible.

Sex needs to be equal give and take for her to be satisfied.

She hates oral and is not one to ever do it and when she does it tends to be quite toothy.

She prefers to reach her climax vaginally, clitorally is too acute for her to feel fully satisfied.

Since she is rarely in touch with her femininity, she does not like a man who is in touch with his own.

She requires a fiercely masculine lover who will be able to handle her ferocious, aggressive self and make her look like a delicate flower in tandem.

She is so often the leader in all aspects of her life that when she finds the right man she will be willing to let him take the lead in their relationship.

Leo Woman Interested in Women:

Leo women no matter their sexuality have a very intense relationship with other women.

The Leo woman interested in women is especially provocative around women. She will always be pushing buttons - pointing out weaknesses, challenging opinions, questioning motives, and especially poking fun - behavior that is intended to test other women’s mettle and elicit emotions.

She likes to turn up the heat on other women, whose placid natures she blames on society's crushing domination of her gender.

This is why she pokes and prods at women so much, so she can see if they have passion in them. For when they explode even in anger she will smile at them with a look that says “I knew you had it in you “.

Most of her relationships with women start with her poking fun at them, gauging whether she has the requisite impassioned responses she’ll later hope to encounter in the bedroom.

Her type of woman is typically the straight-passing girl who will give her the thrill of feeling like she showed them the ropes of sex with another woman.

She also enjoys stealing a woman from their boyfriend.

Unlike the straight Leo woman, she is okay with being in touch with her masculine side

She is relationship orientated in the extreme, usually going for a plain Jane woman who she says has “potential”.

Sex without love is particularly empty for her, what she longs for is rarely found in one-night stands.

Sex for her means the absolute sharing of emotion, and if she’s not feeling the love, she’ll have nothing to give to them.

When she does find someone she loves, she will fall hard, and the subsequent outpouring of her emotions can make any woman feel overwhelmed.

She is profoundly loyal and demands the same in return.

She guards her private life and her lover as fiercely as a lion would her cubs.

Since she is more dominant and prefers to be, she demands that her lover be the femme in bed, often wearing frilly lingerie, performing seductive stripteases, and otherwise indulging in stereotypically female trappings.

She will verbally taunt her love while simultaneously working them over with toys, driving them to orgasm to orgasm.

She is a hopeless romantic, forever surprising her lover with tokens of her affection, or spontaneously whisking her off for a candlelit dinner or surprise weekend away.

As long as she and her lover can be alone together, all is right in the world.

Since Leo is ruled by the 5th house which is associated with procreation and children, all Leos dream of having kids.

Sperm is sometimes all the gay Leo woman thinks a man is good for.

While adoption is an option, she may prefer to produce her child. However, this child can not be made out of wedlock so, before she has a baby with her lover they need to get married.

Leo women can fall out of love without warning. They are rarely promiscuous, rather she will leave her lover and jump into a relationship rather quickly, often getting married many times in her life.

She wants her lover to be successful, so she can flaunt her and her lover to any person she meets.

She is comfortable when surrounded by only men, oftentimes she tends to act more masculine than the most masculine of men.

She will protect her lover passionately.

She doesn't have laissez-faire relationships; she fiercely bonds and extravagantly luxuriates in the lush environment of a fertile, thriving, infinitely hot, and heavy relationship.

[orcasoul]

Reckless

Summary: Joel and reader are paired up as patrol partners. Both have suppressed feelings for each other. He's frustrated with her sometimes impulsive actions and she's fed up of his coldness towards her. After an almost fatal encounter during a supply search they both admit their feelings for one another.

Warnings: Swearing, angst, infected attack, age gap (reader is in her late 30's and Joel is in his late 50's), Use of Y/N.

Word Count: 5,588

"Stay close and don't do anything reckless!" Joel turned to you and gave you a look that left no room for arguments. You rolled your eyes and in a mocking voice replied "Yes sir," with a salute. Joel rolled his eyes in return before turning away. You can't help the smirk growing across your face, knowing how much it bugs him when you do that. But you can understand why he felt the need to say it. You wouldn't admit he was right when he accused you of acting before thinking sometimes, but there are times when risks are worth taking and you'd never willingly put yourself in a risky situation if you weren't confident you could handle it. You and Joel have been patrol partners for two months now, since you happened to stumble across Jackson on your way to..... nowhere, really. You were just existing at that point and so close to giving up until you were fortunate enough to cross paths with one of Jackson's patrol groups, and were welcomed into the community. They'd given you a purpose again so you took your patrols very seriously, wanting to do all you could to serve your community and prove yourself as a valuable member of Jackson.

At first your patrols with Joel were a little awkward. The man hardly spoke, unless it was to give you orders, or to voice his displeasure of being "stuck with a kid" on patrol. Kid! I guess to a grumpy 56 year old dinosaur a 37 year old is a kid, you once scoffed mentally. "I'm not here to babysit. I'm here to show you the ropes so you can do your part efficiently, got it?" Joel gruffed at you from his horse on your first patrol. "Good thing I don't need a babysitter then," you snapped back, glaring at him. Joel huffed and rolled his eyes. "Look you'd better be able to handle yourself out here because you're not my problem and I'm not gonna make you my problem, Okay?" "Jesus Christ," you muttered to yourself. You now spoke louder so he could hear you. "If I couldn't handle myself I'd have been dead a long time ago. I don't need a protector and you and I know damn well I wouldn't be assigned to patrol if the council didn't deem me capable. So how about we just get on with the task at hand, eh?"

Joel turned back around on his horse, letting out an annoyed mumble. The truth was he'd already made you his "problem" and he didn't like it one bit! He'd caught the odd glimpses of you when you'd first arrived at Jackson and was immediately struck, not only by how beautiful you are but also by the look of disbelief written across your face. A feeling he knew all too well. Shock and awe, that a place like this could exist. A piece of heaven in a hellish world, he'd once described it, and if this was heaven then you must be an angel. After a few brief chats with you (well actually Tommy and Maria did most of the talking while he mostly just sat and listened to how sweet and genuine you came across) he knew then that you were different to other women he had known. There was just something about you. It was ridiculous! He hadn't felt this way about a woman in over twenty years, and he sure as hell wasn't going to start acting like a love-struck teenager at 56. So he decided it was best to push down any feelings he had developing and keep you at arms length.

And that's what he did. He barely spoke to you and quickly shut down any conversation you tried to strike up with him. After a few weeks he'd noticed you'd stopped trying. A part of him felt that maybe he was being too harsh and probably came across as an asshole but he couldn't allow himself to get too close to you. The more people you care for, the more you have to lose, besides it's not like someone as sweet and beautiful as her would be interested in a middle aged grump, he'd keep reminding himself when he felt like letting you in. So he did what he does best; He built a wall and hid behind it. At first Joel's stand-offish attitude irked you but you thought if you were going to be partners you'd at least try to get him to loosen up. Maybe he just needs me to take the first step and initiate the conversations, you mused. But after a few weeks of trying and being met with short answers and gruffs you realised you weren't going to get anywhere with him, so you just accepted the silence that mostly accompanied your patrols.

You tried to convince yourself that it didn't bother you but truthfully it did. And you knew why, even if you refused to think about the reason too much, trying to distract yourself whenever your thoughts went "there". You were attracted to him, had been since you met him. Even though he didn't speak much, something in his eyes and the way he looked at you ignited a desire and a need for this quiet, but extremely handsome man. You wondered if he was like this with everyone. He had a good twenty years on you so maybe he'd just seen a lot more horrors than you. Horrors that have no doubt moulded him into this brooding entity of a man. He also seemed to have had a lot more encounters with infected than you have, if the rumours were anything to go by, and they were probably true otherwise he wouldn't be alive now. So giving his experience you decided to mostly follow his orders while on patrol. Better safe than sorry, eh?

Today's patrol was going to be somewhat different than the usual checking and resetting of traps and scanning the area for trouble. You'd both been sent out to a small town about four miles to the east of Jackson, to a veterinary surgery to pick up some medical equipment that had been hidden away by the last patrol group, their bags being to full to take them at the time. You loved Jackson's animal's and since veterinary equipment and supplies were always in short supply this was like hitting the jackpot! Upon arriving you both dismount your horses and tie them up in an overgrown wooded area not far behind the building. Joel quickly sneaked around the building as you followed suit, guns at the ready for any kind of trouble. Peering in through the once glass glass entrance doors it appears the building is empty. "Let's go," you say with confidence as you begin to walk through the door frame, only to be roughly pulled back by Joel's calloused hand on your upper arm.

"What the fuck you doing, Joel?" you scold him as you rip your arm out of his grasp. "What the fuck are you doing?" He shot back angrily. "Just because it's quiet here it doesn't mean there's no infected further inside the building. I'm going first." As he brushes passed you, you can smell hints of sandlewood, earth and something.... Joel like. Damn it, does he have to smell so good? You shake your head to try and rid yourself of the intrusive thought. You hated that whenever he got too close you felt a rush of heat to your core and your heart would beat faster. Sure, you'd known from the moment you'd met him that he's the most handsome man you've ever seen, but you never imagined in a million years he'd be interested in someone so much younger than himself. Not when there were plenty of women his age in Jackson literally fawning all over him every Friday night at the Tipsy Bison.

So for the most part you'd just try to ignore your feelings and focus on your patrol duties with him. Even though sometimes you got the feeling he saw you as a hindrance, sometimes you felt like he hated you, you weren't about to let that get in the way of doing your job. And today is no different. You follow Joel quietly into the surgery, your senses on high alert, looking in every direction. As you pass the front desk you notice leaflets about pet insurance with the most adorable cat and dogs pictures on them, covered in 20 years of dust and mould. You smile sadly, imagining what this place would have been like in it's heyday and how you would have loved to work in a place like this. Focus, you idiot!" you mentally scold yourself, snapping your attention back to the present moment. You follow Joel down the darkened corridor of the building, the only light coming through the windows of rooms with open doors, just enough to see clearly.

Both of your heads scan from left to right as you make your way past the doors, some open, some closed. You'd both been instructed to go to the operating theatre at the back, push the grey cabinet from the wall and you'd find the supplies hidden in a hole behind it. You both approach the theatre slowly and silently. Once you were sure you were alone you closed the door and shrugged off your backpack, dropping it to the floor, as did Joel. "I got this," you say to Joel before he can walk over to the cabinet. As you pushed the cabinet the high pitched sound of metal scraping across the floor made you clench your teeth. To you it was like nails on a chalk board! But that sound was nothing compared to the sound that came next and it made your blood freeze. "SCREECH!" "SCREECH!" "SCREECH!", all at the same time. BANG! BANG! BANG! Both of your heads snap to the rattling door, then back to each other.

"Shit!" Joel cursed. "Hurry, fill the bags and hide." Looking around the large theatre it's evident that there aren't many things to hide behind, just some operating tables and crates. You only manage to fill the bags half full before the door bursts open, slamming against the wall. Joel grabbed your hand and pulled you behind an operating table with him, communicating with his eyes that everything will be okay. He brings a finger to his lips, silently telling you to be quiet. You hadn't realised just how hard you'd been breathing, as your rapid heartbeat had filled your ears with the sound of rushing blood. You take slow, quiet breaths, desperately trying to calm your nerves. You both pull your knives out. Guns are loud and clickers are abnormally fast. If there were only two of them you could take one each, but it's just your luck that there are three of the fuckers, making it too risky to fire your guns. Joel throws his head over his shoulder, gesturing for you to follow, the both of you taking agonisingly slow, crouched steps around the table.

After a series of deafening screeches and clicks, the three clickers began to clumsily stagger around the room, scanning for whatever had caused the noise. As you follow Joel across the room you suddenly realise the backpacks have been left behind. You gently pull on Joel's arm to get his attention and point to the backpacks. Joel looks to where you are pointing but he shakes his head 'no'. The supplies are important, yes, but all that matters to him in this moment is getting you to safety. He can see the silent protest in your eyes and he knows just how stubborn and impulsive you can be. Before you can begin to crawl back to the bags Joel roughly grabs your wrist, pulling you closer "Leave them," his words are barely a whisper. Frustration bubbles within you, leading to anger. You hate having to leave such valuable and needed equipment behind just because these rotting bastards chose now of all times to turn up!

They must have turned up not long after you and Joel entered the building because the previous patrol would have put them down or at least warned you two before hand. Great fucking timing! You think to yourself, sarcastically. You roll your eyes and reluctantly nod, following Joel's lead. He seems so confident in this moment that you wonder how many times he's had to do this in the past, and for the first time since your patrols began you're grateful to have him with you. As you cautiously sneak behind Joel across the room you can't help but notice how broad his shoulders are and you find your gaze heading lower to his ass, his thick thighs, the sliver of skin between his jeans and jacket, now visible because he's crouching..... now's not the time, you quietly chastise yourself.

It's becoming more difficult to navigate the room with these fuckers aimlessly wandering around, and every click and shrill screech makes you freeze for a few moments. Joel seems to sense your unease and he gentle reaches back to take your hand in his. This is the gentlest he's ever touched you, and the sensation of his warm, big hand engulfing yours has your heart racing and butterflies flitting in your tummy. The concern and care he's showing you now is a stark contrast to the usual treatment he gives you.

Joel's heart is in his throat! The door is so close, yet so far. Gripping your shaking hand he slowly leads the way to the open door. As you both approach it he stops and pulls you in front of him to go first, then turning, he grabs the door, slowly moving it so it doesn't make a sound and pulls it ajar. He stand up, shaking out his aching legs one after the other. He turns to you as you stand, brings his hand up to cup your cheek, and whispers "You okay?" You can feel your cheeks heating up at his touch, his intense gaze boring right into the depths of you. Nervously you nod, trying to calm your breaths. It's not the infected that has you breathing heavily this time. Joel's hand slips from your cheek, down your arm and into your hand, linking his fingers through yours. Quietly you both make your way to the entrance doors, the sounds of clicking becoming more distant.

Once outside Joel breathes a sigh of relief while sheathing his knife. This could have ended badly, so badly. Weather you like it or not he has taken on the responsibility to always keep you safe and he would never have forgiven himself if he'd let you get infected or killed. He's pulled from his pensive state when you stop suddenly, releasing his hand. He hates the emptiness he feels in his palm, now that your soft warm touch has abandoned him. "Joel," you mutter as he turns to look at you in confusion. "We can't just leave everything behind. We can't go home empty handed." "Forget it," Joel replied with finality. "We're not going back. I barely got you out of there in one piece." It wasn't lost on you that he'd said you instead of us and it brought a warmth to your heart to know he cared about your safety somewhat. "We wouldn't have stood a chance in there but I'm sure we could handle them from out here. We just have to lure th-" "No!" he cut you off sharply. If he'd been with any other partner they would have dispatched those clickers quickly but he's not going to risk your life.

You huff and narrow your eyes at him. "So what? We just leave them behind because of a few... obstacles? They're too important. we need them." Joel shut his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance. "Look, I'll come back with some of the others in a few days. We'll get rid of the infected and grab the supplies." " But they're all over the floor in clear sight. What if raiders come back through here and take them before you can return?" you ask with your hands on your hips and irritation in your voice. "Well then.... they take them," Joel snorted. "Let's get to the horses," he orderd before walking away from you. Sighing, you reluctantly follow, but not before throwing a glance over your shoulder and silently cursing those damned infected for ruining this golden opportunity. Golden opportunity, you thought. Yeah, this is a golden opportunity and how many of them do we get these days? After a few more moments of deliberation you decided it's worth the risk. "Fuck it," you muttered to yourself, slowing your pace behind Joel. He was already quite a way in front of you but you wanted a bit more distance between you two so he wouldn't notice you walking back.

When enough time had passed you slowly turn and make your way back to the surgery. Part of you feels foolish for doing this but damn it, Jackson needs these supplies and you're not going to fail them. You understand it's risky to take on clickers, especially alone but now you have the upper hand. You quickly form a plan as you near the building, grabbing a brick off the ground to use as a distraction. As you cautiously re-enter the surgery you draw your pistol, taking the safety off. Creeping stealthily down the dark corridor, the clicking becomes louder, making you tremble and your adrenaline spike. You silently open the door on your left, doing a quick check to make sure it's empty. A brick to the window will make for a pretty good distraction. Leaving the door wide open you slink to the theatre door, opening it as quietly as you can while trying to keep your breathing calm. The clickers are now almost motionless, swaying like jellyfish in the ocean, with no purpose or goal. You carefully retreat backwards, placing every step as delicately as you can to avoid making any noise, until you are in front of the other door. With your gun ready in one hand you lift the other hand holding the brick, take a deep breath, pray to any god that might be listening, and throw!

Joel knew it didn't make sense to leave the supplies behind and you were probably right to say you could both handle them now that you're outside, having space as an advantage, but in the two months you've been patrolling together you've never come as close to death as you did today and he won't lose another person he cares for, not now, not ever! The more he thought about it, the more he realised that pushing you away doesn't change how he feels about you. He hoped these feelings would fade away over time but if anything, he cares for you now more than ever and today has proven to him just how much you mean to him. Shit, he inwardly groaned while shaking his head. What the hell do i do about this? After a few more moments lost in his thoughts it dawned on him that he can't hear your footsteps behind him anymore.

Spinning on his heel his eyes frantically search the surrounding area for you but you're nowhere to be seen. His heart feels like it's about to bust through his rib cage as fear grips him with an unrelenting force. Before he can call your name the sounds of smashing glass and inhuman screams fill the once silent air. "Y/N!!" Joel screams your name so loudly his throat feels like it's on fire and he makes a desperate sprint for the surgery. A series of shots ring out as he nears the building. Now matter how fast he's running, it feels like he can't get to you fast enough, all the while imagining the worst. Charging through the foyer he hears clicker screeches mixed with your own screams. The sound of your screams absorb deep into his being, fuelling the same fury he felt when he learned what the fireflies were planning to do with Ellie. He rounded the corner of the front desk to the corridor and the world slowed down when he took in the sight of you pinned under a clicker, desperately pushing at it's neck to keep it's face from yours with one hand, and wildly flinging your other arm above your head in a blind search for your knife that is just out of reach.

All rational and deliberate thought abandoned Joel's mind and a primal need to protect possessed him. He lunged toward the clicker, knife drawn, and plunged it deep into it's decaying skull. The horrid, clawing monster became limp and silent before being lifted and thrown aside like a rag doll. In it's place was Joel, bloody knife pointing downwards, heaving deep breaths and looking at you with a mixture of anger and terror. You've never seen such raw emotion etched onto his face before and you were sure you were in for it now. "Joel," you rasped, relief mixed with trepidation. Still trembling from the encounter, you slowly sit up while staring at Joel wide eyed. You braced yourself for the angry admonishment you knew you deserved, but to your surprise Joel dropped to his knees in front of you, his knife clanging as it hit the tiled floor. "Are you hurt?! Are you bit?! Are you okay?!" The words came tumbling from his lips a hundred miles an hour as his hands wondered from your face to your neck, to your shoulders, to your arms, to your legs and finally your torso.

You can only stare at him in bewilderment, noticing the tears glossing over his eyes and how his entire body is shaking. You place your palms over his trembling hands to try and calm him. "I'm okay Joel, honestly," you reassure him in a gentle tone. He looks down at your hands placed on his and realises he's holding tightly onto your waist. Embarrassed, he swiftly drops his hands, clears his throat and stands up. He offers his hand to pull you up, which you gingerly accept. You stand, looking up into his dark eyes that now seem to want to tell you... something. No words are spoken for what feels like forever. You break the silence first. "Guess we can get our backpacks now," you whisper nervously, your arms and legs still shaking from the adrenaline that hasn't quite left your system. Joel stands as still as a statue, his face now emotionless and it was unnerving to say the least. You're used to him being grumpy and irritable, you're used to seeing him confident and meticulous, but this was something else, and you don't know how to even speak to him right now. It's almost as if he's not even there, as if he's in a trance!

You swallow the lump in your throat as you head towards the theatre, glancing at the bodies of the other two clickers you managed to shoot in the next room. After filling the backpacks with all of the medical equipment, you rise to find Joel standing in the doorway, still staring but now he looks furious. "Um... here you go..." you murmured as you walked over to him and held out his backpack. Joel snatched it from your grasp, causing you to flinch slightly, and stormed outside. "Shit," you mutter under your breath and follow him outside with your head hanging low in shame. The walk to the horses was unbearably quiet, the air thick with tension and unspoken words. You know you had just fucked up, big time! He'll probably never patrol with you again after this.

At least one good thing has come of this. You have the supplies, so maybe it wasn't all bad. "Hey, Joel?" you utter his name shyly as you reach the horses saddles. Joel stops, slightly turns his head to the side, huffs and mounts his horse. Blinking back tears you mount your horse and gently kick it's sides to make it move, making sure to keep a few paces behind Joel's horse. The silence is deafening. With nothing else to occupy your mind it replays that almost fatal encounter over and over again. If Joel hadn't have got there when he did you'd be dead now, that's for certain. You had been so sure you could handle them yourself, but once again Joel was proven right; You don't think before you act, and this time you almost paid the ultimate price. But the worst part for you was that you'd put Joel in danger. If he had died because of your actions you'd never be able to live with yourself. Guilt begins to gnaw at you, an oppressive and gut wrenching sensation that just grows stronger the more you think about it.

You could have gotten him killed and now you're responsible for this strange.... episode he's having. Unable to suffer the crippling guilt and uneasy silence any longer, you sidle up beside Joel. He's still looking dead ahead, unwilling to acknowledge your presence. "Hey," you clear your throat, awkwardly. "Thanks for saving me back there." Joel just tensed his jaw and nodded ever so slightly. "I'm sorry about what happened. Can we talk for a minute?" "No," Joel snapped. "Joel," you say quietly. "I said no." Joel kicked his horse to make it move faster. You glare at him and sigh in frustration at his stubbornness. For god's sake, I'm trying to apologise and he's being a dick, you bitterly think. You pull on the reigns, bringing your horse to a sudden stop and dismount. Joel quickly stops his horse and turns to face you. "What the hell are you doing?" he asked in exasperation. "I'm not going anywhere until you talk to me," you reply with your arms crossed over your chest, chin held high.

"We're not doing this now. Get back on the horse Y/N." "Not until you talk to me!" you yell at him, frustration seeping through your words. Joel could feel his anger flare and before he could think, he jumped off his horse and stormed over to where you stood defiantly. "You wanna talk? Fine. What the fuck where you doing, going back in there by yourself?!" He roared. "You got a fucking death wish, or something?!" His hands are balled into fists at his sides, chest heaving with angry breaths and his face turning red. You've never seen him this angry before. It was confusing that he'd show this level of care over your well being when most of the time you could swear he hated you. "I'm sorry," you sigh. "I didn't think it through-" "No, you didn't, as usual!" Joel retorted. Okay you'll give him that one. "I just didn't want to fail the community. These supplies are important-" "More important than your life?" Joel asked, his words laced with frustration. "Well... maybe... yeah," you spoke quietly.

Joel blinked and snapped his head back in stunned silence at your words. He didn't expect you to ever say that. "What do you mean 'yeah'?" he cried in disbelief. "The animals are vital to Jackson. Everyone depends on them for food, clothing, transport. So maybe it was worth risking my life. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do. I just hate myself for putting you in danger. I'm really sorry Joel." Your voice trembled slightly on the last few words. Joel couldn't believe what he was hearing! "I don't care about me, I'm furious with you for putting yourself in danger. What if I had been a few seconds later? You be fucking dead now!" "I know," you looked down at your feet, feeling like a child who'd broken their parents' favourite ornament after being told to leave it alone. "I just can't believe how goddamn stupid you are!" Your head snapped up like a pissed off cobra as he spat those words out at you. Here you are apologising and he goes and calls you stupid, oh hell no! Your cheeks burn in anger as the blood in your veins begins to boil. "Excuse me?! I've just apologised and accepted all your criticisms, but don't you dare call me stupid!" Now it's your turn to curl your fists.

"What else am I supposed to think when you do shit like that? You almost died!" Your guilt is now being burned away by anger, filling you with a need to defend yourself. "What do you care if I died anyway?" You throw your hands up in indignation. "Yeah I made the wrong decision, but it was mine to make. Don't pretend that you care all of a sudden. Most of the time you fucking hate me!" Joel's eyes widen at your accusation. "Y...You think I hate you?" He asks, taken aback. "Well....yeah," you reply as though it should have been obvious. "I mean in two months you've only ever spoken to me to order me about. You won't even speak to me when I pass you in town. So what am I supposed to think?" "I don't hate you!" Joel can barely contain his vexation at this point. "Christ, do you realise what it would do to me if I lost you?" He stopped suddenly, realising what he had just let slip. He could see the astonishment on your face and knowing there's no turning back now, he continued, his voice calm but hesitant, "I don't hate you. I hate how I feel about you."

His confession was the last thing you had expected. After a few moments you collected yourself and walked closer to Joel so that you were looking up into his eyes. "And what do you feel?" you asked softly, while searching his rich brown eyes. The want and longing he feels for you is now abundantly evident in his gaze but he's unsure of what to do next. He was determined to keep his distance, so if he ever lost you it wouldn't hurt as much. But distant or not he almost did lose you and it was excruciating! He realised now he'd wasted enough time trying to push you away and he doesn't want to do that anymore, especially not now with the way you are looking at him. You delicately bring your hands to his chest and repeat the question. "Joel, what do you fe-" Before you can finish his lips crash onto yours, his hands grabbing your waist to pull you against his body.

You return the kiss eagerly, wrapping your arms around his back, opening your mouth to allow his tongue to caress yours. His hands tenderly wander up your back, one staying there while the other gently cups your cheek. After several more seconds he pulls away from your lips, guiding your head to the crook of his neck. "Fuck Y/N, I can't lose you, not you," he breathes the words into your ear. You smile deliriously into his neck, hoping this isn't a dream. You dreamed about having him for so long, but never once thought it would ever happen. "So you don't hate me, then?" You grin as you look up at him and rub your nose against his. Joel looks into your eyes adoringly and chuckles, "Of course not." "Then why have you been acting so cold towards me?" you enquire with genuine confusion. "I just didn't want to... feel anything for you. I was afraid to." You've never heard Joel speak with such vulnerability and it made your heart swell for him. "I've lost too many people and I thought pushing you away was for the best. But I can see now that it's the stupidest thing I've ever done. And I never even thought you would feel the same way about me. God, I can't believe how much time I've wasted when I should have just been honest with you."

The sincerity of his words has your head swimming and you kiss him again, hungrily. The tickly feel of his beard, his strong arms wrapping around you, the warmth of him as you press against his chest has you yearning for more of him. "I really like you Joel," you pant as you pull away. "I really like you too, darling," Joel replied just as breathless as you. His southern drawl on the word darling made your knees feel weak! "So let's not waste any more time. Meet me for a drink at the Tipsy Bison later? "Definitely," he answers while placing a quick peck on your nose. "I'm sorry for calling you stupid. You're not. I shouldn't have said that, I was just afraid." "It's okay," you reassure him. "And I promise, I won't take risks like that anymore." "Good, cause next time I'll kill you myself." Joel teases. You roll your eyes playfully and salute, "Yes sir." Joel shakes his head and laughs under his breath, causing a giggle to leave you and he knows now he'll be enjoying the sound of your laughter for a long time to come. You both return to your horses and mount to begin the journey back home side by side. This time the silence is comfortable and cozy, filled with soft glances and gentle smiles.

[publius-library]

Can you tell me everything you know about Martha Jefferson?

I would love to. In my opinion, Martha Wayles Skelton Jefferson is one of the most tragic figures of the 18th century, and her life shows the many challenges a woman would face in this time period, due to the incredible expectations put on them. I'd like to open by saying that the importance of discussing women in history not only gives us a more full perspective on any and every historical event, but it also gives light to less commonly discussed historical figures that were equally important that we don't know as much about. Martha Jefferson is undoubtably one of those people.

Martha Wayles was born on October 30, 1748 to her wealthy father. Her father was an English immigrant who moved to America and accumulated a decent fortune through slave trading, planting, and his law practice.

Content warning: mention of sexual assault within slavery, skip next paragraph if this may be distressing

Her father is a very interesting figure. In his law practice, he specialized in debt collections, which made him very unpopular among the locals. Additionally, he raped an enslaved woman on his property several times, Elizabeth Hemmings, after the death of his third wife. She would have several children by him, including Sally Hemmings, who would later be raped and have several children by Thomas Jefferson. It is disgusting, but crucial to mention that because of the slave system in America, and the violation of African American women, Martha Jefferson was the half sister of Sally Hemmings.

Martha married Bathurst Skelton when she was 18. They would have one child, John, who died in infancy. Her first husband died six months before Jefferson married Martha, and her first child with Jefferson, Martha aka Patsy, would come nine months after Martha's first child. Her almost constant pregnancy and troubles in maternity would eventually lead to her death.

She married the very eligible bachelor Thomas Jefferson on New Years Day, 1772 at her plantation home, "The Forest". There was a five year age gap between them, as she was 22 going on 23, and he was 28. Jefferson would actually scarcely mention her first husband, and would even report false information that he did not exist, that Martha was a spinster when he married her. The motivations for this are not confirmed.

The young couple arrived at Jefferson's home, Monticello, during a snowstorm, where all the servants were asleep and the house was cold. They toasted their marriage with a leftover bottle of wine, and entered into a period of domestic happiness.

Martha and Thomas had complimentary personalities, balancing out each other's characteristics. They shared an interest in music, as Jefferson played the violin or the cello, and Martha played the piano or the harpsicord. She was said to be very talented.

While there is no known portraits of her, she was described as very beautiful and accomplished. She was slim with hazel eyes and auburn hair. She was the subject of frequent praise from all that knew her.

The Jeffersons had five children in ten years, but only two would survive to adulthood, Martha (Patsy) and Mary (Polly or Mary). Martha was under such strain from her frequent pregnancies that she fell very ill in 1781. The British had invaded Richmond, which forced her away from her husband back to Monticello, but Jefferson often left his political career to stay with her during her sickness. The British would raid Monticello, forcing her to travel in her poor condition yet again.

Her condition continued to worsen, until she died on September 6, 1782, at 11:45 AM at the age of 33. Jefferson would never record his relationship with her, so her life remains mostly a mystery among historians.

Martha Jefferson was far more than the deceased wife of the third president. During her life, she was the mother of several children, who frequently had to grieve their deaths. She was the mistress of a fashionable household, and the wife of an energetic, young politician who was making strides in the cause of liberty and American independence. Her life was riddled with tragedy and mourning, but she was a lively, creative woman who had an untimely death at a cruel age.