#I also had to abandon mobile for this post

[doctorbitchcrxft]

What Is and What Never Should Be | Supernatural Series Rewrite | Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Fem!Reader (Eventual ? ;) )

Warnings: Dean's an alcoholic dick, coping with trauma from a sexual assault, mentions of parental abuse, mentions of suicide but like not really cause it’s in a dream, canon violence, canon gore (take care of yourselves, as always. Love you guys.)

Word Count: 5281

Mobile Supernatural Series Rewrite Masterlist

Supernatural Series Rewrite Masterlist

Supernatural Series Rewrite Playlist

About two weeks had passed since you’d left Deacon’s prison. You were convinced it was the hardest two weeks of your life. You couldn’t quite decide if you wanted Dean hugging you all the time, or if you never wanted anyone to touch you again. It felt like every time you looked in the mirror, you were in that disheveled prison guard outfit again, tears streaming down your face with fresh scrapes trailing down your arm. You felt like you were never going to leave the prison’s parking lot.

It definitely didn’t help that you were also having to deal with being fugitives simultaneously. Sam and Dean were waiting for you back at the motel. You put the two of them on a strict lockdown given their mugshots would be everywhere, and the feds hadn’t seemed to find a clear enough image of you to post yours. You drove the Impala around the area of your newest hunt searching for a potential location the victims could have been brought to while the boys researched back in their motel room. 

You knew Dean could tell you were pulling away from him, and you knew it was hurting him. You didn’t want to, but you couldn’t let him in right now. You didn’t want to burden him with your problems given Sam was supposed to be the main concern right now and evading federal agents was a huge priority. You needed to deal with your issues in silence in order to keep yourself from completely breaking down in front of the boys and pulling focus away from what you believed were more pressing issues.

Your phone rang and broke you out of your thoughts. It was Sam’s number. “Hello?” you said into the phone.

“Hey. Got you on speaker,” he replied. “There’s a cop car outside.”

“You think it’s for us?” you questioned.

“I don't know.”

“I don't see how,” Dean jumped in, his voice a little distant. “I mean we ditched the plates, the credit cards.”

Sam breathed out suddenly. “They're leaving. False alarm.”

“Well, see. Nothing to worry about,” Dean jested.

“Yeah, being fugitives? Friggin’ dance party,” Sam deadpanned.

“Hey, man, chicks dig the danger vibe,” Dean commented.

You scoffed. “Got anything yet?” you asked the boys.

“Just one thing. I'm pretty sure of it now. We're hunting a Djinn,” Sam answered.

“Really? How do you know?” you questioned.

“A freaking genie?” Dean asked simultaneously. “What? You think these suckers can really grant wishes?”

“I don’t know,” Sam said. “I guess they're powerful enough. But not exactly like Barbara Eden in harem pants. I mean, Djinn have been feeding off people for centuries. They're all over the Quran.”

“And where do these guys shack up?” you asked. 

“Ruins usually. Uh, bigger the better; more places to hide,” Sam replied.

Something struck you. “Y’know, I think I saw a place a couple miles back. I'm gonna go check it out.”

“Hell no, (Y/N),” Dean stated, voice suddenly much closer to the phone. “You’re not goin’ without us.”

“Dean, I’ll be fine. I’m sure it’s nothing. I just wanna take a look around,” you argued. 

“I’ll call you guys when I’m headed back.” Despite the voices of the Winchesters protesting, you hung up the phone and turned the Impala around. 

Minutes later, you came upon a decaying factory. Doors squeaked on their hinges as you pushed through them and decades-old papers crunched beneath your feet like fallen leaves. Everything seemed very empty and very abandoned, but you weren’t quite convinced. You headed deeper into the factory past several offices with smashed windows on their doors and blinds hanging crookedly. 

Suddenly, something grabbed you and pinned you to the wall behind you. You dropped the flashlight you were holding as the Djinn pinned your hand above your head. You got a clear look at the monster in front of you; a bald man with curling blue tattoos detailing his face and body. You struggled against him, trying to get your knife through his chest with your free hand, but he pinned that one as well. The eyes before you began to glow an electric blue, and your entire body went numb.

*** The next time you woke up, you were alone in a comfortable bed. You jerked up, turned on the lamp next to you, and took in the room around you. There were scrubs tossed on the back of a rocking chair in the corner of the room and a picture of you and Dean hung on the far wall. 

‘What the fu—’ you thought. 

Suddenly, a shirtless Dean entered the room wearing sweatpants hanging low on his hips. “Hey, sweetheart.”

“Dean!” you exclaimed. “What the fuck is goin’ on?”

He eyed you strangely and snorted. “Wha— What do you mean?”

“Where are we?” you asked.

Dean paused, still standing in the doorway and taken aback. “Uh, our house?”

“What?” you questioned.

“Babe, are you feeling okay?” he questioned, sitting on the bed next to you. “I knew your shift at the hospital was bad, but—”

“Wait, what? I don’t work in a hospital, I was hunting a Djinn—” 

Dean cut you off. “You were probably just having a bad dream, sweetheart. Let’s go back to bed, okay?”

You weren’t quite sure what Dean was talking about or if this was even Dean. Maybe  he’d been possessed, maybe you’d been— ‘Wait,’ you thought. ‘The Djinn. Maybe he did this to me.’

Dean climbed into bed next to you, and you noticed he wasn’t wearing the amulet he quite literally never took off. You were apparently eyeing him strangely, because he chuckled, “What?”

“Nothing,” you shook your head, “Just, uh— where’s your necklace?”

Dean laughed, almost sounding relieved. “Oh, I took it off to shower.” He put a silver chain with dog tags hanging from it around his neck. He opened his arm for you to settle into. 

Hesitantly, you laid down on Dean’s chest. You didn’t get much sleep the remainder of that night, though; incredibly uneasy about what was going on around you. 

Around three in the morning, you slipped out of Dean’s arms and began to explore the house around you. You peeked through the bedroom window to see a neighborhood outside that screamed Middle America. You crept down the hallway to the living room and kitchen area. 

Along the walls of the den, there were photos hanging of what looked like you as a teenager and a child, but you couldn’t be sure. You didn’t think photos of you existed of that time in your life. And if they did exist, they definitely were not of you at your third birthday with a pink frilly party hat stuffing cake in your face or of you in a cap and gown graduating high school and college. The next thing that caught your eye was a picture of you hugging Steven tightly. Your hand flew to your mouth at the sight. However, it wasn’t your Steven. This one was older and a lot happier than the Steven you once knew. 

Then, there were pictures of you and your mother. Your father was nowhere to be seen, much to your surprise. You nearly wept at the sight of your mom. Then, there were pictures of a young Sam and Dean. One was Dean hugging his mother. He looked much older than four which was the age you knew his mother died at. 

“Holy shit,” you breathed out. 

You took out your phone and checked the time. You considered for a moment, but decided to call Sam figuring he would likely be up soon anyway. 

“Sam?” you asked when the call was answered. 

“(Y/N)?” His voice sounded raspy and tired. 

“Hey, yeah, what the hell’s goin’ on, man?” you demanded.

“(Y/N), what are you—”

“Oh, god, not you, too.” You hung up the phone and ran a hand through your hair. No one but you seemed to understand that this wasn’t right. You noticed something laying on the coffee table at your feet. An envelope addressed to you with Lawrence, Kansas written on one of the address lines. 

“Lawrence? Why the fuck am I in Lawrence?” you breathed out. 

You noticed a computer sitting a distance away and immediately hurried to it. You typed in your password; no luck. You tried Sam’s password for his and Dean’s shared laptop; no luck either. Frustrated, you sat back in the desk chair. You weren’t sure where the idea came from, but you suddenly had the thought to type in Steven’s name and birthday. Somehow, it worked. You remembered how that was your original idea for a computer password when you first bought yourself a laptop in your real life, but the reminder of Steven was too painful to do so. 

You then set to work researching the Djinn. You learned that they’re not so much genies as they are wielders of godlike power. They could alter reality to their whims however they want in the past, present, and future. 

Then, the thought hit you. ‘What if this is just my life now? What if I never see my Dean again? Am I even a hunter wherever this is?’ Your breath hitched as you realized something else. ‘Was I ever raped? Are my parents alive? Where’s Stevie?’

You typed “whitepages” into the search bar and put in your father’s full name; no results. You tried your mother’s and actually got a hit. She lived in Lawrence, too. 

‘What the fuck?’

You then tried Steven’s. Surprisingly, his name generated results, too. He also lived in Lawrence. 

You hurriedly wrote their addresses down on a sticky note beside you on the desk. When you returned to your room, it was around five in the morning. Creeping around the room, you discovered the clothes in your closet were nothing like you wore in the real world: flowing skirts, cardigans, and lots of different colored scrubs. You almost smiled at the sight of the clothes hanging in your closet. 

‘In another life, I definitely would’ve worn all this,’ you thought. You’d always wanted Carrie Bradshaw’s closet; Sex and the City was one of your guilty pleasure shows in the real world.

Your outfit of choice consisted of a pair of low-rise jeans, a halter top with a plunging neckline, and… ‘Oh.’ The only shoes this version of you had in her closet were heels. Admittedly, you’d never been great at wearing them, but always wanted to try. And so, you did. 

Dean still slept peacefully, and you carefully clacked your heels back down the hallway. You headed outside to find the Impala in the driveway, and for that, you were grateful. 

“Hey, sweet girl,” you grinned. You remembered seeing car keys on a hook next to the door of the house and quickly grabbed them. You popped open the trunk of the Impala secretly hoping to find something useful in it. However, old playboy magazines and paper cups were all you found.

‘Ew, Dean, clean out your car.’

You moved around to the driver’s side of the car. Before you could sit down in it, though, something caught your eye. A girl with a gaunt face and billowing white clothing was standing across the street on one of the neighbor’s lawns. A car blew past, and she was suddenly gone. 

***

You rolled to a stop in front of the first address you had written down: your mother’s. You tried to keep your composure as you walked up to her front door. Hesitantly, you rapped your knuckles against it. 

The door opened to reveal your beautiful mother who you’d missed so much. She looked a little older than she did the last time you saw her, and it was all you could do to keep yourself from throwing your arms around her.

“Mom?” you breathed out.

“What is it, hon?” she asked. “C’mon, come inside.”

The sound of her voice made tears spring to your eyes. You followed her into the living room where pictures of you and Steven lined the walls between crucifixes.

“Hey, Mom?” you started. “What song did you sing to me before you used to put me to bed?”

She looked confused, but humored you anyway. “The, uh, ‘The Long to Be’ song by the Carpenters.”

You smiled, partially in relief that this seemed to really be her and not just a figment of your imagination and partially at the fact that she knew. You rushed to her and hugged her tightly. Your mother seemed taken aback once more, but didn’t say anything to let on that she was.

“You okay? Everything alright with Dean?” your mother asked you. 

“Oh, yeah, everything’s— everything’s great. Just, uh, it was a rough day at the hospital, ‘s all,” you said.

“How’s the garage?” 

You tilted your head. “The garage?”

She seemed confused, too. “Dean’s? How’s work going for him?”

“Oh, oh. The garage, of course,” you laughed awkwardly. ‘Smooth, (Y/N),’ you mentally berated yourself. “Yeah, it’s fine, it’s great.”

“Really? Last time we talked, he was too busy drinking to focus on fixing a car,” she said.

You felt stunned. The Dean you knew was bordering on becoming an alcoholic, sure, but he wouldn’t let that get in the way of his job.

“Baby, I’m glad to see you, but why are you here at six in the morning?” your mom questioned.

“I just— I just couldn’t sleep. Needed to see my mom,” you replied. It was a half-truthful response.

Your mother offered a small, thoughtful smile. “Oh,” she suddenly said. “What time are you and Dean going to dinner tonight?”

You tilted your head. “Uh—”

“For Mary’s birthday?” she prompted. 

“Oh, oh,” you said. “Right.”

“Did he not tell you?” she asked. “(Y/N), I’ve been telling you that boy isn’t right for you for a while now.”

“Mom—” you protested.

“No, (Y/N). You’re a fantastic nurse. You’re dating a drunkard mechanic. Why couldn’t you have dated Sam?”

“Ew, mom, no. Sam’s my best friend,” you said.

She seemed stunned. “What? That’s new. Last we talked, you hadn’t heard from Sam in months. Neither had Dean.”

It was your turn for your eyes to widen. “Right, right, yeah. Sorry. I’m just—”

“Have you been drinking? Dean’s rubbing off on you, (Y/N). You should have listened to me when I warned you about him,” your mother sighed. 

“Jesus, Mom—”

“Don’t take his name in vain!” she scolded.

You scoffed. “I forgot that you’re like this.” You crossed your arms and turned away from her. 

“Like what?” your mother pressed, voice rising. 

“So incredibly judgmental of me. I’ve never been good enough for you or Dad, Mom!”

“How dare you bring up your father!” your mother cut you off.

“What?!”

“Wow, you really are drunk, (Y/N),” she replied. “He’s been dead almost your whole life. You barely even knew him. How could you say that about him?”

You felt like you’d been punched in the chest. ‘So that means he never hit us.’ “Mom, I’m sorry, I didn’t—”

“Just leave, (Y/N). Please. I’ll call you tomorrow,” she sighed.

You turned and slammed the door behind you. You sat in the Impala with your head on the steering wheel just trying to process everything that was going on. Even in this fantasy land or new reality or wherever this place was, your mother was harshly critical of you. Granted, you’d rather her harshly criticize you and be alive than dead, but this version of your mother perfectly mirrored the true version of her. It truly freaked you out. 

‘Well, scratch that off the list, I guess,’ you thought.

***

You hesitantly knocked on the door of your little brother’s home. 

“(Y/N)?” he asked upon opening the door.

Tears sprang to your eyes. “Steve?” you breathed out.

“(Y/N), what’s wrong?” he asked.

You smiled as a tear slipped down your cheek. “Uh, just a hard day at work ‘s all,” you replied. You threw yourself into his arms; a hug he responded to immediately. 

“Hey, seriously, what happened?” he asked when you pulled away. “Was it Dean again? The hospital never gets to you like that.”

“Wait, what? No,” you shook your head. “Why does everybody keep saying he treats me poorly?”

Steven looked at you as if it was obvious. “Uh, ‘cause he does. He’s an alcoholic playboy asshole that you’re way too good for.”

“What?!” you questioned. “No, he isn’t.”

He sighed. “Listen, (Y/N), I don’t wanna keep having this fight with you.”

“Yeah, me neither,” you replied. You stopped for a moment. “Stevie, I’m really happy to see you.”

He chuckled. “Yeah, I’m glad to see you, too.”

A small voice piped up from behind your brother. “Daddy?”

Steven stepped back to reveal a staggering toddler in pigtails. He picked her up and grinned down at her. “What’s up, kiddo?”

‘He’s a dad?’ Your shock only increased, and you smiled at the sight of them interacting. Another tear slipped down your cheek. 

“Why’s Minnie crying?” the toddler asked her father.

You grinned. “She calls me ‘Minnie’?” 

Steven nodded. “Yeah, just like I used to.”

You laughed. “Can I hold her?”

“Duh,” he replied, handing his daughter to you.

“Hi, sweet girl,” you grinned down at her. She tugged on the ends of your hair, babbling happily and singing to herself.

“Look, Minnie, I braid.” The toddler held up a now twisted, knotted mess of your hair. 

You smiled at her. “Awesome job, angel.” 

You sat on the floor playing with your niece and Steven for hours until your phone rang.

“Hey, (Y/N), where ya been?” Dean’s voice came from the other line.

“Steven’s,” you replied. “Why, what’s up?”

“We gotta be at my mom’s in an hour. Meet me there?” he asked.

*** You met Dean on the steps of his mother’s house. 

“Hey, sweetheart,” he grinned, pecking your lips. 

Suddenly, a voice came from behind you. “Seriously, Dean?”

“Sam!” you exclaimed, turning around to give him an enthusiastic hug. He hesitated to return it, and the woman next to him cleared her throat. You released him to come face to face with Jessica, a woman you’d only seen in pictures. 

“Hey, Jess,” you said, the name feeling strange on your tongue. You hugged her as well, and she awkwardly laughed.

“Hi, (Y/N),” she said. 

You then noticed the awkward distance between the two brothers and the bags Sam was lugging out of the trunk of the taxi in front of you. 

“Where'd you guys come from?” you asked.

“We just flew in from... Califor—”

“California! Stanford and everything. Right, sorry,” you laughed. “I’m really not with it today.”

Sam nodded somewhat disapprovingly. “I can see that.” He motioned to the beer in Dean’s hand. “I see you started off Mom's birthday with a bang, as usual.”

“Sam—” Dean warned.

Your heart was breaking at the awkward tension between two brothers who were otherwise incredibly close friends. You couldn’t believe there was a universe where Sam and Dean weren’t, well, Sam and Dean.

***

The restaurant you sat in next to Dean was stuffy. Sam and Jessica were dressed equally as stuffy. Nothing felt right at this moment. You were suddenly reminded of the reason why you were here, and that you needed to figure out how to help yourself get out of here. 

“Wow, that... looks awesome,” Dean said, referring to the plate of steak and asparagus that had been placed in front of him.

Sam raised his glass. “All right. To Mom. Happy birthday.”

“Happy birthday,” you, Dean, and Jessica said in unison.

“Thank you,” Mary replied, clinking her glass against yours.

You watched Sam and Jessica peck each other on the lips and you smiled fondly. 

“I was really worried about you last night,” Dean told you.

“Oh, I'm… I'm good. I'm really good,” you nodded.

“For some reason, I don’t believe you,” he smirked. “I know a few ways I can make that a reality, though.”

You recoiled at that comment, slightly dumbfounded by how correct Steven had been about Dean’s behavior in this realm.

“Jess and I actually have another surprise for Mom's birthday. Ah,” Sam turned to Jessica, “you wanna tell 'em?”

“They're your family,” she laughed.

“What? Tell me what?” Mary asked excitedly.

Sam held up Jessica’s left hand to reveal an engagement ring. You laughed happily in surprise. “Holy shit! That’s amazing!” You got up and hugged Sam happily before hugging Jessica. “Congratulations!” you told them.

“I just wish your dad was here,” Mary told Sam.

You suddenly realized John was missing. You searched Sam’s face, whose disappointment mirrored his mother’s.

Dean and Sam awkwardly shook hands which hurt your heart a little to see. Just behind them, though, you noticed the girl from earlier. Her white, flowing clothing was much filthier and torn this time. You brushed past Sam and headed toward the girl, pushing past people mingling in between you and the haunting figure. As you pushed past the final woman, the girl was gone.

Confused, you turned back around to see the equally weirded-out faces of the Winchester family. 

Sheepishly, you grinned and walked back over to them.

*** “You got somethin’ we need to talk about?” Dean asked you. He’d been completely silent since dinner up until this moment. He downed a beer in the kitchen before turning to you. 

“What?” you asked.

“Back there with Sam. What’s going on with you two?” Dean asked. “In fact, you’ve been acting really weird the past two days. There somethin’ you wanna tell me?”

You scoffed. “Dean, I’m not fucking your brother. Look, I’m not feeling like myself right now. ‘S all.”

“Yeah, I can tell,” Dean responded mockingly.

“Dude, why are you being such a dick?” you questioned.

“Oh, so we just call each other ‘dude’ now?” he argued.

“Listen, I’m really not enjoying this attitude, okay?” you responded.

Dean cut you off. “I’m not enjoying yours, either. What happened to the sweet little nurse I married?”

“Jesus, we’re married?” you questioned before you could help yourself. 

“(Y/N), what the hell?” Dean replied, his confusion seeming to grow by the minute. 

“I think I’m just… overly tired. I’m gonna… sleep out here tonight,” you said.

Dean scoffed. “Since when are you the childish one?”

“I’m not being childish, Dean, I just wanna sleep on the couch tonight, okay?” you hissed.

“Fine.” He left the room and returned to the bedroom the two of you apparently shared. You heard the door slam a moment later, and you flinched. You settled to the couch and pulled a blanket over yourself. You clicked on the television and began clicking through the channels. Something on the news caught your attention.

“And today marks the anniversary of the crash of United Britannia Flight 424,” the reporter began.

“What the—” you breathed out. 

“Indianapolis residents held a candlelight vigil in memory of the hundred and eight people who lost their lives—”

Your throat clenched. “No, no. We stopped that crash.”

Panicked, you moved to your computer. Every hunt you checked had apparently never happened. “Nine Children Comatose” was the headline describing a “mystery illness” that had swept Dane County Hospital. Then, the brutal homicides from the clown killer after John died. And Taylor from the closing-down-Hoodoo-hotel case had drowned in the hotel pool. As you looked out the front window, you saw the same woman you’d seen twice already flash by the window. You turned around to see several female corpses hanging around you, and you nearly screamed out in surprise. Then, that same woman again flickering in front of you.

This twisted world was completely shocking even you, an experienced hunter. Your mind raced, but you knew what you had to do. A picture of your dad holding you as a baby on the wall of your house caught your attention.

“I’m sorry you’re not here, Dad,” you murmured. “And I know what I need to do. I’m gonna hunt this son of a bitch, but… I don’t know. Stevie’s happy. Mom’s… Mom. And I just— Why do we always have to be the ones to sacrifice something? A part of me is happy to do it, and this is proof that I could never have this. But it’s just… I don’t know. I know you’re tellin’ me to stop whinin’ and just get it done. I’ll make you proud. I promise.”

And with that, you grabbed a silver knife from your china cabinet and headed out to the Impala. You managed to steal lamb’s blood from a butcher’s shop and headed to the factory you’d last seen the Djinn at. 

***

Hours later, you arrived at the factory in Illinois. Running on pure adrenaline, you headed inside. You moved your flashlight around to illuminate different parts of the factory, and you ignored your phone as it began to ring in your back pocket. The ringing silenced, and then rang again. Without thinking, you lifted your phone over your head and slammed it into the ground, shattering and silencing it completely.

Then, you came across a big store room with the same bodies you’d seen hanging in your living room strung up around it. Next, you noticed the woman you’d been seeing all along. She seemed close to death; her cheeks sallow, face pale, and body hanging limply. 

“It’s her,” you breathed out.

Suddenly, you saw the Djinn coming around the corner. You ducked into the shadows as the woman began to cry. “Where's my dad? I won't tell—” she suddenly cut herself off. “Don't. Where's my dad?”

“Sleep,” you heard a soothing male voice say. “Sleep.”

You then saw the woman’s body completely relax, and the Djinn began to drink from the blood bag next to where she was hanging. 

‘So that’s what it does,’ you realized. ‘It doesn’t grant you a wish, it just makes you think it has.’ As the Djinn disappeared, you continued to think. ‘What if I'm like her? What if I'm tied up in here some place? What if all this is in my head?’ You walked up to the woman. “I mean it could, you know, maybe it gives us some kind of supernatural acid, and then just feeds on us slow.’ You nearly scoffed audibly. ‘So, she’s not a spirit, she’s a flash of reality. I’m catatonic. Fucking great.’

Then, you remembered an old wives’ tale. “Listen to me, motherfucker!” you called into the darkness. “I’m gonna slit my fucking throat! I die in a dream, I wake up, right! Come and get me, I dare you!”

“Wait!” Dean’s voice suddenly called. He walked into the room. 

“Why'd you have to keep digging?” Sam asked.“Why couldn't you have left well enough alone? You were happy.”

Your mother walked up to you and put a hand to your cheek. “Put the knife down, honey.”

“You're not real,” you said, tears forming in your eyes. “None of it is.”

“It doesn't matter. It's still better than anything you had,” Steven replied, holding his daughter. 

“What?” you breathed.

“It's everything you want. C’mon, let’s go home,” Dean pleaded. 

“I'll die,” you argued, voice breaking. “The Djinn 'll drain the life out of me in a couple of days.”

“But in here, with us, it'll feel like years. Like a lifetime,” your mother said. “I promise.” She put her hand to your cheek and stroked it with her thumb. “No more pain. Or fear. Just love and comfort. And safety. (Y/N), stay with us. Get some rest.”

“You and Dean don't have to worry about Sam anymore,” Jessica said. “You get to watch him live a full life.”

Dean walked up to you and kissed you fiercely. “We can have a future together. Have our own family. I love you, sweetheart. Please.”

“Why is it our job to save everyone? Haven't we done enough?” Sam tried. “I'm begging you. Give me the knife.”

You looked over to Steven, your lip quivering as you sobbed. “I’m sorry.” You slashed your throat with the knife, and the world went white once more. 

***

“(Y/N)!” you heard someone yelling. “Sweetheart, wake up. (Y/N)!”

‘Dean.’

“Oh, God. Come on,” you heard Sam murmuring. “Hey. Wake up. Wake up, damn it!”

You began to roll your head a little, and your eyes could finally open. “Hey, guys.”

“Jesus, (Y/N),” Dean sighed. “I thought I lost you for a second.” 

One of the two boys yanked out the IV in your arm. 

“You almost did,” you joked half-heartedly.

“Oh, god,” Dean muttered, giving you a once-over. “Let's get you down.”

You winced as the boys helped you down, but you suddenly saw a pair of blue eyes glowing behind the boys. “Boys!”

Sam wheeled around, going at the Djinn with the knife. Dean immediately tried to get you away from the scene and set you down a distance away from the scene. “Stay here!” he ordered.

“Don’t have much of a choice, do I,” you groaned as Dean turned to help his brother. Several yelps and groans later, the two boys staggered over to you after having killed the Djinn. You pushed yourself off the floor, wincing, and immediately moved over to the girl you’d been seeing in your sleep. “She's still alive!” you called to the boys upon feeling a pulse in her neck. 

The two Winchesters helped you cut her down and get her out of the factory to a hospital. 

***

Upon your return to the motel, you found out from the hospital that she was alive and stable. There was a solid chance the girl would pull through.

“How 'bout you? You all right?” Sam asked you.

“Yeah, I’m fine, guys,” you said. “I’m great, actually. I’m just— I’m just glad to be back here again.”

“What was it like?” Dean asked.

“Oh, you were a complete dick,” you replied.

Dean chuckled. “Sounds about right.”

“And Sam— Sam you were such a freak,” you said. “All stuffy and Stanford-y.” You paused for a moment. “But, uh, you guys were really breakin’ my heart, honestly. You couldn’t get along to save your life.”

“I thought it was supposed to be this perfect fantasy,” Sam said.

“Trust me, it wasn’t,” you replied. “I know we’ve lost a lot, but, uh, I wouldn’t trade any of this for the world. Even seeing Stevie again, I— it just wasn’t right. I felt like more of a freak there than I do here. I, uh, I wished what happened to me at the prison never had, but the truth is, that’s always gonna be with me. I can’t just… get rid of it. Nothing can. And that’s not okay, but I’ll learn to live with it.” 

You left the boys to sit with your words and moved to the bathroom. When you looked up at the mirror, an image of you with your mussed-up hair and guard uniform on flashed before you. You ignored the fresh-looking scrapes on your arm and blood streaking down them and shut your eyes. When you opened them once more, you were back to looking at your sunken face and tired eyes. 

Dealing with this was hell. Every day felt like a struggle since what happened to you. But deep down, if you were honest with yourself, you would take dealing with all this with your two boys over your white-picket-fence, Djinn-dream-life any day.

Series Rewrite Taglist: @polireader @brightlilith @atcamillanorrman @jrizzelle @insomnia-bookworm @procrastination20 @mrs-liebgott @djs8891 @tiggytaylor @staple-your-mouth @jesstherebel @rach5ive @strawberrykiwisdogog @bruhidkjustwannaread @mxltifxnd0m @sunshine-on-marz @big-ol-boat @mgchaser @capncrankle @chervbs @simpingdeadcharacters @nesnejwritings @stillhere197 @tearsforhan @take-it-on-the-run @iloveyou2mia @maxinehufflepuffprincess @ohgeehowdigethere @seninjakitey @berarenado @s0urw00lf @princessleahorgana @quarterhorse19 @isla-finke-blog @silverdoragon @karacaroldanvers @gayandfairycore @examishbookwyrm @star-yawnznn @real-sharena-h @fandomloverrr @metalmonki @onlyangel-444 @yu-winchester @benniwiththefanni @daisychaingirl @immagods @missmieux @yoongi-holland @littledebbieinabigworld

[lacrimosathedark]

THAT'S IT! This is a Janet Drake Defense Post

As may be obvious, I spend a lot of time reading fanfic. And there's this trend that drives me nuts, and it's villainizing Janet Drake.

I'm not gonna say she's an A+ mother. She's not. She chose her career and adventures over spending time with her child much of the time. But fandom portrays her as some rich pompous ice queen, which is never shown.

Janet Drake mostly appears in the story Tim's introduced, and in the story she dies.

So, let's start from the top: Haly's Circus.

This event is the only time we see her really interacting with Tim before her death, but it shows that at least when he was young, she was an active part of his life. She was worried about bringing Tim because it might scare him. And then rightfully scolds her husband for being sexist because Jack Drake actually IS a jerk.

...I don't like the art in this comic. Or that the writer doesn't know how kids speak.

But Janet is being supportive of Tim's clear interest in Dick's performance.

And then tragedy strikes and she acts like, y'know, a mother.

Her priority is getting her son and herself out of there.

Also worth noting that the Drakes sent a copy of that final photo of the Graysons TO Dick, which is how he has it at all. If both of them were stuck up pricks, would they even bother sending a photo to a grieving child performer they hardly know? I can't imagine Jack really bothering, but I don't see why Janet wouldn't.

And then, by the time she's dying, we know that Tim's parents have been away for a very long time, he never knows where they are, but they've communicated enough that he knows that they've been fighting.

They're passive aggressive to say the least. This marriage is clearly not working anymore.

EDIT CUZ I REMEMBERED A THING:

It's worth noting that this is a time before smartphones. This comic was released in 1990, which was when pre-paid mobile phones had just started existing. Coverage isn't universal NOW, so back then it was even less, and Jack and Janet are archeologists (or archeologist adjacent?) so they're going to be in less developed and populated areas most of the time. It's unlikely they'd have consistent access to a functional phone that could call the states to talk to Tim regularly.

This isn't to defend their absence, because fuck that, but it's to give it some context. I don't think they were trying to ignore or abandon Tim. Communication was just not readily available and Janet seems to get wrapped up in work...and Jack's an asshole.

Also for note, Janet is probably the one sending Tim postcards in the first place. It being signed "Mom and Dad" is what makes me think that. Jack would have put himself first if he wrote it, it woulda said "Dad and Mom". That's admittedly pure speculation, BUT IT FITS SOOOOOO

My thought is if this were made modern, Janet would be sending extremely scattered texts and Tim would get next to nothing from Jack unless Janet prompted him.

END EDIT

(Fair warning, this story is a few levels of Yikes, but I'm gonna stay on topic)

Bad guy Obeah Man does...something? to the pilot, and they crash, and he has a group of people kidnap the Drakes and their assistant Jeremy.

Danger really puts some things in perspective, for Janet, at least. And that continues for her. Jack is a bit delusional and in denial, thinking he has any control of the situation.

They are tied up and filmed for ransom, their assistant killed right in front of them.

Jack just keeps raging, but Janet is having regrets. Notice how she doesn't cry until Tim is brought up. Could be nothing, could be something.

And then she dies.

Her only other major appearance is when Tim is having a fever dream from the Clench and everything is kind of okay for a minute.

Tim very clearly loves his mom. And we may not get a lot of characterization for her, but she's not cold or callous like people write her constantly.

And now, we finally have a little more about her as of Batman 134.

I haven't really been keeping up since the Gotham War stuff because What The Fuck Was That My Guy, but I recently saw this specific comic.

The multiverse is fucked up again, some way some how, and Bruce is lost (again) and Tim has to get him back (again). This time, Tim is going in after him. But he doesn't end up going straight to Bruce.

He goes to see an alt of his mom.

Tim missed her so much that he ended up going to her before Bruce.

And her immediate reaction is to run up and hug him. Does that look like a mother who doesn't love her son?

"Do you have anyone to take care of you?"

"I don't know how this happened, this miracle...but I just know, in my heart of hearts, it was to show me...that every version of my son is a good one."

Tell me again that this woman is heartless and didn't want her son, I fucking dare you.

And we get more meaning to the name "Robin" and a little crumb about Tim's grandmother. As a treat.

This is all to say, please stop writing Janet Drake as a cold, heartless bitch.

Small final note though: Jack Drake is, in fact, a shitty person and a shitty father. He does still love Tim and Tim loves him AND THAT IS NOT UP FOR DEBATE, but the relationship is a mess. If either parent is actively abusive, it's 1000% Jack "smashed a TV because my son wasn't listening to me and threatened Bruce Wayne at gunpoint" Drake. Probably part of why the marriage was falling apart.

Anyway, yeah, let's retire the "Jack and Janet Drake are Bad Parents" tag and replace it with "Jack Drake is a Bad Parent" and "Janet Drake's C+ Parenting" or something.

[sgdlr-asdfghjkl]

Link Click Musical update 170

(catching up on May performances yippee ✨part 1)

(housekeeping note in the end)

Links in replies: cq&wmh fighting for shoelaces, srb&ghx full encore bc I like their singing <3

The latest scoreboard summary (big thanks to @shimmeringweeds for keeping track of individual scores 💖):

May 14th: Teng Chunpeng, Du Guangyi, Qian Anqi

After the legendary 100+ points match, the producers said they need to make the rules of basketball event more strict. If you watched last highlights vid you can see tcp abandoned the choreo completely for sake of shooting hoops ><' So this time they played fairly and dgy won 😇

May 17th: Cao Muzhi, Du Guangyi, Qian Anqi

Seems like it was an ordinary, chill performance 🙏 Cao Muzhi won the match with 18:17 score ^^

Cao Muzhi pls never change 💗

May 18th, noon: Cai Qi, Wang Minhui, Deng Xianling

The fight for shoelaces! Cai Qi started it by untying both of Wang Minhui's shoes during sofa choreo ><' To get back at him wmh first pushed cq off the table. Then, when cq was distracted by rock, paper, scissors, wmh managed to untie his one shoe.

Match score was 1:2, wmh won 🌟

May 18th, night: Shu Rongbo, Guo Hongxu, Deng Xianling

Score was 6:8, ghx won ✨

These two sound so good together, they both have very powerful voices with surprising range ✨👌

Oh! During 'Pursuers of Light' srb went for the play fight with ghx. I thought it was cute since it's usually what Ji Xiaokun does :>

'Housekeeping' note:

If anyone was wondering why there were no musical updates for so long; aside from life stuff yadda yadda, main reason is that weibo had a bullshit update that blocks access to browsing user profiles if you don't have weibo account.

It has a roundabout but it's mundane and annoying (zooming out the website view, so you don't need to scroll to click newly posted pictures, then quickly opening the hq photo in another tab, before the login popup blocks you off) 💀 It's still working normally on mobile, but for sake of efficiency (translating captions and file management) I prefer desktop.

And making a weibo account isn't really an option since you need a chinese phone number to register and sometimes it requires you to send them ID. So yeah, no 🙃

BUT FEAR NOT I have the power of OCD and discord musical brainrot gang on my side 💪 My plan is to power through weibo's bs till 200th performance, to cover debuts of new actors and new lineups 🌟 but after that I'll have to quit/cut on the updates drastically 🙇‍♂️

I'll still keep track of performances and try to inform about any special happenings on twitter (it's faster and has bigger reach, hope you understand 🙇‍♂️).

I also have 600+ backlog pics, that are outdated, so maybe I'll use these later idk 🤔

OKAY BYEE

[centrally-unplanned]

I saw this slightly-old post making the rounds recently by former alt-right memelord Walt Bismark, on how the alt-right "won" in the late 2010's - positing that as the cause of why it generally vanished. I agree overall with the vanishing part, its not gone-gone ofc but it waned as a cohesive movement. But I saw a lot of people (and generally not alt-right figures) agreeing with its conclusion and I am a bit more skeptical of those.

Its largely a personal essay so I wont address most of it, but it has a summary of five main points that outline essentially "the agenda of the Alt Right at the beginning" to evaluate success upon. Bismark thinks they won on all five, but overall I think this is playing a trick of inventing an enemy to claim you defeated. Anyway, the points:

1: Shift the “Overton Window” of acceptable public discourse to make it politically viable to openly discuss the interests of white people in mainstream politics, in the same way black people or Jewish people discuss their collective interests. 

This one I will grant a partial victory - there was a legitimate intensification of "white as identity" in politics, a making explicit what was implicit in the 2010's. Now ofc I consider this to be a classic horseshoe moment; the hard left at the time was also extremely interested in abandoning race neutrality and valorizing racial identity as an organizing principle, and did it in a very ham-fisted way that the right capitalized on, so it was an easy battle to win - but that is what it is, ofc the wider environment defined the goals & strategy. I mention it however because I do think this is only partial, and the gap between implicit and explicit isn't that relevant. He mentions as an example of this success:

Affirmative action was of course squashed by SCOTUS and the necessary legal infrastructure is being deployed to burn it down. Mainstream conservatives are mobilizing a lot of resources and energy to this end.

But conservatives have been fighting affirmative action for 20+ years, easily. Here is a 1999 article on precisely such a campaign, I literally just googled "conservatives affirmative action [year]" and I get results each time, 2003 had big cases (the Bollinger cases) on AA, etc. I remember "affirmative action bake sale" memes from like 2006 at my uni! What changed between Bollinger and 2023's Students for Fair Admissions v. Harvard is that conservatives had just had enough time to stack courts, and wait for Supreme Court justices to die. That just...takes time to do! The strategy hadn't changed between 2003 and 2023. And meanwhile, did they win? They won that court case, sure. What do you...think the ethic makeup of the next Harvard class is gonna be? Wanna take some bets?

His other listed victories are things like:

"Vivek defended the Great Replacement Theory on national television and remained a major Trump surrogate. The SPLC would have marginalized him for that 10 years ago. Today because of polarization and MAGA closing ranks they can’t do shit."

And like, the Southern Poverty Law Center would have successfully marginalized a Republican politician in idk 2003 are you completely high right now? Strom Fucking Thurmond was an active Senator in 2003! This is the repeated tactic here, the imagined enemies - there was never a time where liberal institutions could consistently force conservative politicians to kowtow, so you can't claim it as a change.

This is why I mention the social justice horseshoe, because he has this point here:

These days you can complain about quotas etc. being unfair to you as a white man and it’s not inflammatory or low status among centrists and conservatives. Even non-woke liberals won’t really hate you for it, just quietly think you’re a bit of a chud. This was not the case in 2015. 

And this is partially correct, I agree there was some norm shift. But that is because in ~2010 there really weren't any quotas against white men, it wasn't a thing almost anywhere outside of university applications, so the complaint would make no sense. What happened was that starting in ~2012 a huge left cultural movement started that just openly supported active discrimination against whites, Asians and men. They were a small minority of course, and never had much power, but they got enough power in certain institutions like non-profits and universities that there was a string of just very obvious cases of clear racial discrimination against in particular whites & asians (both men and women, white women often got it very bad in this wave). And the large majority of people just saw that and went "uh yeah racism is still bad?" and so now you can say that because its actually relevant to say. From that lens, is this a successful cultural victory on the part of the alt-right? In some sense sure, but really its more a cultural failure of the hard left. The status quo just kept on chugging along.

Ugh that point went long, the others repeat so we will go through them quicker.

2: Elevate identity issues like anti-immigration and the promotion of traditional gender norms to the center of Republican politics. 

A fake enemy here - anti-immigration was already a huge issue for Republicans in the 2000's. It had a huge wave under Obama actually, it goes in cycles like that. And it responds to material conditions; it's a big issue again right now because the immigration numbers spiked massively under Biden, its just way worse of a problem now (primarily due to the booming economy of course). Again a partial victory for the first part, I agree its more salient due to Trump platforming it, but I'm skeptical that it is a big shift - people are memory-holing the Tea Party movement really badly here for example.

And the second point is just obviously false, Republicans always cared about that, and they care about it less now, giving up the ghost on gay marriage for example. The Alt-Right coincided with a decline of the influence of the Religious Right, and it shows on this issue, 0 points.

3: Make it socially acceptable to discuss HBD and the resulting moral implications for leveling mechanisms like affirmative action. 

Peak "log off" moment, it was always acceptable to discuss this outside of liberal/professional circles and there it still isn't acceptable to discuss it. Charles Murray wrote the Bell Curve in 1994 and his been an American Enterprise Institute Scholar for this entire span of time. This is confusing churn for change - the mid-2010's had a bunch of big, mainly online fights about HBD, and then everyone just sort of moved on with the status quo pretty much unchanged. Nothing like education policy, even in Republican circles, has shifted over this.

4: Convince conservatives to stop ceding moral authority to liberals and allowing them to determine who on the Right is verboten or beyond the pale. Make it unacceptable among conservatives to “punch Right” or purge people for wrongthink. 

Sigh, again when have Republicans ever ceded moral authority to liberals? Harvard University could not condemn Newt Gingrich in ~2009 and make him change his mind about anything. And "Republicans don't self-criticize while Liberals eat themselves alive" has been a complaint for literally decades, you would hear that as far back as say Clinton and things like the 1999 WTO protests. Its both true and exaggerated - the Tea Party primaried Republican candidates for wrongthink in 2010, and Trump did the same thing! With disastrous results for the Republicans in 2022. I really, really don't think you can look at Trump's Republican party and say they solved the Wrongthink problem.

5: Expose and dismantle the hypocritical attitude that allows neocons to militantly support Israeli ethnonationalism while brutally repressing any white identity politics domestically.

This one is just a lolwut moment, "brutally repressing any white identity politics domestically", like what does that even mean? Name the concrete policy proposals George Bush implemented in 2007 than Donald Trump didn't in 2018 around this topic. Again a fake enemy, they were never repressed by the right, and ofc are still hated by liberal institutions like universities.

Moving on from any specific point, I think its very telling that very little about free trade vs protectionism or isolationism/support of autocracy abroad enters this list. Because beyond immigration those are the big shifts the Trump movement (which is the mechanism the alt-right has to claim for making its impact) has ushered into the party. They didn't change its stance on sexual politics or "race & IQ" or anything, those haven't changed, but meanwhile the party has completely flipped on things like tariffs or opposition to Russian military expansion. But of course those don't align neatly at all with the issues the Alt-Right fought about in 2015.

The reality the Alt-Right can't escape is that they used Trump as their mechanism for change, and Trump never really cared about any of their goals beyond immigration. He used them and then pursued either bog-standard Republican policy or his own mercurial, autocratic whims, eventually channeling all of this energy into election denialism. I really don't think if you pulled aside frikkin Ryan Faulk in 2014, asked him to put down his graphs about Raven's Progressive Matrices of black Caribbean students, and said "Hey 10 years from now all of this energy is being channeled into pretending that a failed real estate mogul didn't lose the 2020 presidential election", that he would look at that outcome and think Mission Accomplished.

I don't want to fully oversell, there are for example wins Bismark doesn't mention (School choice comes to mind, the biggest conservative win of the past decade besides the protectionist swing). The Alt Right was an influential movement, it earned its place in history. But I do not think it is an example of being a "victim of its own success". I think instead it should be understood as part of the "radical froth" of the 2010's, that bubbled over and then evaporated like its more intense leftwing peers did. It made some mark and then got left in the dust.

Net ranking of the 5 points: 0.5 for Point 1, 0.25 for Point 2, 0 for the rest, 1.25/5.

[calistozom]

A nostalgia post. It's been a long time since I've drawn Meteora, and for much longer I've had an old idea related to her, namely, a decoration for tails. A long time ago, I often came across "chapters in the book of spells" that various authors did on behalf of their OCs in the SVTFOE au’s. I wanted to try it too, but nothing really worked. The title picture, poem, spells and wands did not give me much in terms of inspiration and only when I came across the idea of a diary and monsters’ tails did I strike gold.

Sadly, in another fit of self-criticism, I abandoned this project half-way through and only recently found the strength to return to it again.

Anyway, here I have several pages of Meteora's diary, in which she showcases various types of jewelry for different types of tails. I think some of the enthusiasm in the description that I have tried to convey here must belong to the ghost of Heinous (the part of her that she has been suppressing for so long). Of course, most of the decorations here would hardly work as intended (the laws of physics and high mobility of the limb will obviously be a big obstacle), but no one pretends to be realistic here.

... and at the end there is also a small gif with a ghost appearance (even two – because I still haven't decided which transition turned out better) >w<

[venbetta]

I'm not sure if anyone's ever thought about this or has made a post about it, but I figured I'd add my own two cents if someone did talk about this.

// Ruin spoilers ahead

mostly about Freddy

So, seeing that headless Freddy has prototype written on the bottom of his foot, it's suggested or even theorized that our Freddy (the one we're with in SB) was a prototype this entire time.

Of course, like many others, I was very skeptical and in denial about the idea because why the hell would that be a thing? How is he a prototype? It wasn't there on his foot in the base game, so why this sudden change?

I kinda hated it, and as a way to cope, I theorized that maybe it wasn't the same Freddy and FazEnt just replaced him with another copy and then abandoned him... don't ask me how that particular Freddy became headless either. Also I was wobbling between the "True Ending" being the Canon one, I was back and forth and just trying to figure out what would've made sense.

My logic for the True Ending being canon was, maybe Freddy and Gregory both got out (alongside Vanessa) with glamdaddy intact, and they're just living life. Meanwhile, Faz Ent just made a new Freddy while fixing the plex but gave up and left everything to rot. Of course I know now that makes no sense or explains why/how the 2nd Freddy lost his head, but it's what I came up with. The PQ Ending is technically canon... so that was a waste of a braincell, hah...

Since fnaf has the tendency to rewrite/add things to the story, I think our Glamrock Freddy being a prototype is something I've accepted. Now, there are a few things I thought of that might add to the idea of him being a prototype (not confirmed but more speculative).

He's a high-tech, sentient AI robot, he can clearly experience human emotion (like the other glamrocks) and has decent mobility. What most likely seperates him from the other glams is the fact that he experiences existentialism. I know we don't see much from the other glams, what they think of their current situation (not even from Roxy in Ruin), they aren't fully aware of what they are or what they're doing (as far as we know). Their programming is focused on being entertainers and birthdays.

I'm not gonna say that the other glams aren't able to express deeper thoughts, but I think this is where I might be stretching this idea just a bit.

If you're going to make AI bots who can adapt and be flexible with their environment, there's gotta be some kind of limit of what they can say/think/do. Freddy is the prime example of not having that limitation since we see/hear him express concern about not being the only Glamrock Freddy that's walking around:

"Have I always been a Freddy? Am I Monty with a different shell? What if I am not the first Glamrock Freddy? ... Do we all feel the same? Am I special? If I am mass-produced, am I still art?" (Endo Warehouse)

This motherfucker literally commits arson:

"You sure collected a lot of toys! Perhaps we can do something to stop whatever is going on here." (Fire escape Ending)

When he goes to the basement and encounters the blob, he goes on this monologue:

"I know what this is. I have been here before. She brought me here. I found myself for the first time when I cleared the path. I did not want to, but I had no choice. Now I have a choice. I have changed. My friends are here. They are so angry, confused. But I can protect you. I am not me." (True Ending)

He ultimately goes against some of his programming to help a child in need-- even lie to a security guard-- which if he were set to do as he's told, he would've sent Gregory straight to Vanessa, even with Gregory adamantly telling him not to.

If he were programmed to be strict and not break any protocols, he'd would've gotten Gregory killed immediately.

I'm saying this because if we're being realistic (realistic in terms of how we usually program robots and things), there are barriers in what a robot/ai can really say/do that doesn't break its programming. If he's a prototype, Freddy wouldn't have those barriers to stop him from saying/doing most of the things he did in SB. I know there's another factor to him behaving kindly to Gregory and that's him being in safe mode, but even still... you would think he would follow the rules and not let Gregory do certain things and perhaps unintentionally get the boy killed.

I'm going back to the existential crisis Freddy has, because for something that's meant to be an animatronic mascot for kids, you wouldn't want him to make the children around him question the meaning of being alive and sentient. There would have to be some sort of guard against having those kind of thoughts and ideas. It makes Freddy more interesting, especially if he could've been easily replaced with a finalized version of him that did what he was suppose to.

Also, I know it's probably more widely accepted that either Vanny or Gregory hacked into Freddy, causing his collapse during the opening. With him being a prototype, maybe his systems couldn't handle that type of an advanced hack, unlike the other glams, making him unable to be properly hacked into in the beginning.

Not only that, there are some issues he has with performing, who knows, maybe he's had collapses before. We don't know.

Him being unable to enter the West Arcade:

"When I step onto the West Arcade dance floor I cannot stop myself! It is a programming bug." (West Arcade)

I'm aware him being in safe mode meant he's disconnected from the main network as well keeps him docile. While the "Afton" fight isn't technically canon, with the other upgrades on Freddy, those parts might have made him more susceptible to the virus attack. There's not much evidence pointing to the other glams not being prototypes but seeing how they each have upgrades while Freddy doesn't, that might hint that the others were mostly finalized, meaning their systems were properly functioning (aside from the virus of course).

Sorry if this was super long, but it's something I thought about and I had to put it in words. Nothing about Glamrock Freddy is normal, like he's not possessed (I use to believe in the glammike theory but I don't anymore eh...), but he's a prototype! He's gonna act all funky because he's not polished yet... and I think that's very interesting and endearing (in an odd way).

[lurking-latinist]

I just saw this awesome post about including mobility aids in fantasy writing, and I do not want to create a tangent but I *do* want to share some things I learned about disability in ancient Greece when I was researching that paper I wrote on the Philoctetes, so I am making my own post.

Philoctetes is a mythical figure who was one of the Greek heroes going to the Trojan war. Before they got there, he suffered a wound in the foot which would not heal. The other Greek leaders were unwilling to have the noise of his screams and the stench of the infected wound in their camp, so they abandoned him on a deserted island with only his famous weapon, the Bow of Heracles. He survived there for ten years. Now the war is almost over, Troy has almost fallen, but the Greeks have heard a prophecy: they cannot win until they have the Bow of Heracles. So wily Odysseus and young Neoptolemus (the son of the recently dead Achilles) go to the island where Philoctetes is still living, still dealing with his injury. Philoctetes is eager to escape the island, but can he trust the community that abandoned him ten years ago? Can they ever make right what they did to him?

Now that’s the type of story that someone might very well point to who was arguing that disabled people have to be neglected and excluded in a “historically accurate” story. And it’s definitely not an example of casual inclusion. But what that person would be missing is that Philoctetes’ abandonment and isolation in this play was intended to be shocking to its Athenian audience. The audience is invited to identify with Philoctetes and to be horrified at how he does not receive the support from his community that real-world people with similar disabilities did receive, as we can tell from both textual and archaeological evidence.

Martha L. Rose’s book The Staff of Oedipus: Transforming Disability in Ancient Greece emphasizes this. Look, here’s what I wrote in my paper, why should I rewrite it:

Rose approaches her material “though the lens of disability studies, which approaches the phenomenon of disability by assuming that there is nothing inherently wrong with the disabled body and that the reaction of a society to the disabled body is neither predictable nor immutable” (1). In other words, it is necessary to see what attitudes and assumptions about disabilities are actually recorded, rather than projecting any of our own assumptions. ...

Also unlike today, Greek concepts of disability were not medicalized. “Permanent physical disability,” writes Rose, “was not the concern of doctors in antiquity beyond recognition of incurability” (11). This does not mean that disabled people had no resources or were simply left to perish, of course. Rather, they were often cared for within their households and their communities (28), which means that both Philoctetes’ abandonment and isolation form a shocking exception to the norm. The importance of community support suggests that Philoctetes’ joy at being reunited with humanity comes from practical as well as emotional needs. At the same time, the wide range of tasks and trades in the Greek economy meant that many disabled people were far from economically dependent (think of [the god] Hephaestus the lame smith), so that “[a] physically handicapped person earning a living would not have been a remarkable sight” (39). People unable to walk at all rode donkeys or were carried in litters, while those who walked with difficulty used a staff or a crutch (24-26).

So for writers: the ancient Greeks didn’t invent the wheelchair--but they had the wheel technology (I suspect the issue may have been with roads and pavements instead), so your Greek-inspired fantasy world totally can (which was the point of that earlier post). Or maybe your protagonist goes on their adventures with a faithful donkey sidekick that helps them get around. Maybe they are respected for their skill in a craft, making their home and workshop a lively meeting-place for customers. If you’re writing fantasy, you could be inspired by one of the myths of Hephaestus, in which he creates metal automatons--basically, magic robots--that not only support him as he walks, they also act as assistants in his workshop!

Anyway, the point of this post is basically just that I agree with the other post about including mobility aids in fantasy and I had some relevant knowledge in the back of my head. And also that you should read the Philoctetes. Look, here’s a recent free modern English verse translation: https://johnstoniatexts.x10host.com/sophocles/philocteteshtml.html

Oh, and if you would like to see my term paper or the relevant section from The Staff of Oedipus, message me, I will share them.

[fullcoffeemoon-nem]

Second part seasons' Theory

Timeline Theory here

Second update: 06-03-24

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Hi there!

The LVL UP gave us a new trailer full of expectations, as well as a preview of Stolas and Blitz's song from Full Moon.

Here are some considerations which, admittedly, may contain annoying spoilers.

YOU ARE WARNED!

I've scaled this analysis down to share one thing in particular about a X's post.

So now is almost confirm the chronology: Full Moon set on September 29th 2023.

There was a verbal clash between Blitz and Stolas, both are right and both are right.

The way I think:

Stolas has reached the limit and, accustomed to a situation in which other people's feelings have always been clear to him, he demanded an answer. Yes or no. He had already decided how to behave because he always assumed that Blitz didn't have masks.

Blitz, on the other hand, was raised in a context of manipulation, where the only certain thing was that his name was enough. He doesn't believe in the possibility of being loved for two reasons:

1. They keep repeating that wherever he goes, he only hurts

2. He doesn't believe himself enough to be

The two reactions were therefore: Stolas "I am not enough, therefore I am abandoned" and Blitz "I am abandoned because I am not enough".

I think we need to really find out what happened to Blitz's mother to find out more, but Applogy Tour could also start to clarify this story.

The song Is magnificent!

Apology Tour may be scheduled for October 31st, Halloween. There seems to be a party, that both Verosika and Stolas attend. Blitz will have to face both and will take the hit heavily. Did he get into the hole following Stols or did he end up there by chance?

The scene where all of Stolas' memories of Blitz are broken could have two meanings:

Rejection

Remorse

Ghost Fuckers should be specifically about Millie and Blitz and delve deeper into the latter's story.

Surely, you will have seen some boards with drawings of a ghost, Millie and Moxxie hanging from a chandelier and Blitz running to save them with Loona.

Not familiar to you? I hate to admit it, but I think those boards weren't fanmad...

Mistermaind will be a real bomb:

We have already seen the Angels and Agents, but it definitely doesn't end there. Their army of bishops has yet to be mobilized. The situation is so tragic that it sees to forced I.M.P to flee or even abandon someone…

We also see some new memories from Blitz, specifically:

A scene with his mother

Cash Buzko taking him away from the crashed Fizz (Here's the “them” of Oops?)

Here or on Applogy Tour.

Finally Sinsmas, obviously set in December. Here too, an incredible load of characters: The Goetia with Vassago (Parrot Boy on X), Andrealphus, Mammon and Satan.

They are probably also in Lucifer's palace.

There were also sad leaks for this episode: Via's song and the final confrontation with her father, who seems to have taken a holiday… Is it Blitz's fault?

I need to recover and at the same time the new episode...

[ad-hawkeye]

tot is definitely trying harder because they have more competition in the mobile cn otome scene (esp deepspace lol)but i will not complain it as long as they don’t force us to relive the artem midfest

about the high school au card general thoughts from weibo are holy shit artem why are you making everyone hard pity or almost hard pity smh. the card is good and it does a good job at giving you a cute innocent school romance/crush some posts giving praise to both artem and rosa’s lines + writer/writing team as well

joining the war on love and deepspace on the side of love and deepspace solely to ensure that tot feels pressured to actually write a decent story and to also care about character consistency again

it's interesting from a market perspective. love and deepspace has a really strong grip on those who like "spicy" content, especially because of its 3d models. that's what it's marketed as, and that's what it really excels at. i know of several other cn otome games with better borderline nsfw content too, ones that lean into it fully and a lot more openly than tot. i also know of several other cn otome games that are completely outdoing tot in terms of writing and art - lovebrush chronicles for example.

tot is fascinating bc it originally found a niche as a whodunit mystery game with otome elements and interesting characters. it also had a boost being a mihoyo made game.

but then they noticed people liked the steamier content, so they abandoned their original niche to chase after fanservice at the expense of their storytelling and characters. and now that other games out there are doing the whole borderline nsfw thing much better than they are (because let's be real, tot sacrificed their writing in the name of extremely mediocre softcore porn foreplay and tropes that other games do better), it feels like they're trying to bring back the original writing and are trying to think outside of the box in terms of art and new official art styles.

i wonder where tot will go from here, or if this will work?

god okay, additional side rant incoming. but before i do - that's fantastic news about the high school au cards.. thank you!!

did you know lovebrush had the mls have their first kisses with mc at different times? ayn's happened on white day, cael's happened in an ssr card story following white day, and the remaining boys had theirs happen during their azure island routes. and you know what? it made sense for their characters!

ayn is very blunt and straight forward. cael had several other card stories dedicated to building up their relationship. alkaid is too afraid of upsetting mc and would not make the first move. clarence is still getting used to being in a romantic relationship. lars is a hopeless romantic who seems preoccupied with waiting for the "right moment".

and it just. keeps reminding me of tot's second anniversary. where the writers planned to have luke propose to rosa because of his whole "i'm dying in three years" thing which... makes sense! that makes sense! but why on earth would you make the other three guys propose when it doesn't make sense for them?? i just. ugh.

sometimes i wonder if it's too late for tot to fix their writing.

and the funny thing! lbc has a wedding event in the cn server! but you want to know something even funnier?? it's not an actual wedding! it's a photoshoot event! none of them are engaged!

tot could have gone so many routes and they took the ones with the worst writing and it's mind boggling. you CAN do fanservice with good writing!

[northstarco]

─── I CAN'T SEE THE STARS HERE

⟡﹐ꊞ inside niko's phone !

⟡﹐ꊞ similarly to most of us, niko is absolutely chained to his phone, but in the most ironic way possible, is also pretty chronically offline. he hasn't gone through many phones in his lifetime, mostly because he doesn't change his phone until it's hanging on it's last breath and can no longer charge. for almost five years straight he had the same iphone 10, then the screen broke forever, which finally pushed him in the direction of getting a new phone (much to the dismay of taeyong, who had been nagging him to get a new phone since the first few cracks started showing). ever since the death of his former phone in late 2021, he got the iphone 11 pro and has stuck with it for the past three years, somehow without cracks appearing on the screen.. but it probably won't take long for that to be the case. jungwoo has already dropped it a handful of times, and considering niko's track record, the phone will barely be functioning in weeks time.

a thing that is synonymous with every phone case niko has had is the stars he draws onto them with sharpie all the time. he gets a clear phone case, grabs a sharpie, and doodles everything of interest. he pairs the tiny drawings with the endless stickers he collects (or the ones his friends from back home send, he has a bunch he still hasn't used). there's a barrage of stars, cats, hearts, and planets you can make out on niko's phone case. just like phones, he usually never switches phone cases, it's just until he wants to do something else and there's no more space on his see through phone case. still, his phone cases usually stay the same for up to a year or sometimes even more, he doesn't really get bored by them.

another thing that is very consistent with niko's phone is his lock and homescreen, it's just susi. sometimes it changes, sometimes he has a mood flip and his lockscreen will become an old photo his mom took back in 2009, but usually, it's susi. it's not unknown that niko is pretty obsessed with his cat, 'a little too obsessed' is what johnny says whenever he taps the other's phone to check the time and comes face to face with a feline. even when he does change his lock or homescreen, it's simply another picture of susi, maybe a small sight of his finger in the photo, but that's it, nothing too interesting. the inside of his phone is a mess, but it's also sort of organized in a sense.. his apps are all in a very specific place that he placed for a reason, and if they aren't, he will literally go insane. while he purposefully avoids certain apps, he has an insane amount of hours on all those app games. namely stardew valley, solitaire (because no one plays card games in real life anymore), and shattered pixel dungeon. he is not that difficult to entertain, especially in the mobile game department.

social media.. well that's definitely something. niko is pretty inactive, especially on instagram, which is something people have learned to get used to over the years. it's actually a miracle whenever niko posts on instagram, but even then, nctzens are just concerned if he's alive or not. he pops in every few comebacks to remind people that he is in fact, not dead! just forgot his password and didn't bother to try changing it. he often deletes instagram every few months because it takes up storage (which is often due to the shitload of photos he refuses to delete), but then he suddenly has an epiphany and redownloads the app, just to again abandon it until he finds something abrupt to post. he is regularly active on bubble, but even then it's nctzens making sure he's alive and him reminding them that he's barely hanging on! when niko does post on instagram, it's almost always a photo of him and susi, or some of his non idol friends, or just photos of himself he really likes, sometimes he just posts a photo of what his shirt says and calls it a day. there's an abundant lack of selfies on his instagram, most of the photos of him taken being credited to kihyun or one of his other friends.

his camera roll is pretty on par for what you might think, there are just so many fucking photos on there that it's a wonder the guy is so inactive on instagram. there are photos of susi, himself, random pictures he took of doyoung that he did not delete! but the older doesn't have to know that.., his shirts with random catchphrases, and a collection of selfies kihyun took when he left his phone unattended while the younger was in the room (photos he did not delete in fear of having to face constant whines from the vocalist). his gallery is huge, sometimes he just takes pictures of things he finds aesthetically pleasing, and simply doesn't delete them. he has never really been interested in photography as a hobby, he just loves taking random photos of things (and by proxy people) that he finds interesting. it's really a strange case because you'll see a photo that seems completely normal then suddenly there's a random photo of vernon in the mix, just don't question him on it, he doesn't really want to explain the lengths his photo gallery goes.

 ✰ the photo gallery , recents

to sum this all up, niko's phone is just everything that makes up his personality. it's not as aesthetically pleasing, no, but it's simply so.. niko. with a gallery that spans so many photos it should actually be illegal, his social media apps pretty much collecting dust, the astounding hours he spends playing card games (games he definitely does not find entertaining please believe him), it's safe to say that it's a mess, but just like niko's own room, as is with many aspects of his life, it's a mess that perfectly exemplifies everything about him.

[shukakumoodboard]

a headcanon from each of the levels you just reblogged for gaalee

oh my GOD this is a top quality anonymous question op ur da BEST. yammertime. ofc since these are all for a non-canonical ship they're all deranged sparkle emoji but i digress.

for anyone who is like wtf here's the post i reblogged.

text under the cut!

level one:

one that purveyors of gaalee are very familiar with in fanon lore but i believe this to fit in nicely with canon while filling gaps: gaalee friendship developed predominantly via letter writing. reasons why i think this fits with canon 1) gaara manages to develop solid friendships with a lot of people in konoha with what is visually very little actual in-person interaction time. it stands to reason that there's behind the scenes friendship development. 2) he's the president at fourteen like he does not have time to spend on wandering the local mall like a lot of us oldmanyaois did to build our social circles, plus, he's got access to allllll the military communications options. and hawks are fast 3) we know there are multiple canonical messenger hawks! and their whole purpose is cross village communiques. of course they're all sending notes lets b so fr rn

level two:

height difference: lee is, in my head, taller than the canon suggests, and gaara is shorter. reasoning: ok look you've all seen this panel and you're telling me gaara ends up only like 4cm shorter than lee? Go To Jail

yes yes we can all discuss how they're all mid teens and have growing time but listen. gaara spent his entire childhood being effectively mentally tortured by shukaku and also his village's effective abandonment. do you think he had a well balanced diet? if we want to get scientific there's several studies that discuss how poor nutrition in childhood leads to lifelong consequences, and just because kishimoto didn't address this doesn't mean I Won't thank u. and i haven't even gotten started on the not-sleeping-thing. conversely, lee's probably been on Max Gains Training Diet since he was like. what, 10? tldr, i'm simply massaging their canonical heights in favour of what Actually Makes Sense Fucka You

i have another one for lee i think fits in this level that many of you may know from my magnus opus fight club: lee is--whether certified or not--definitely qualified to be a physiotherapist, and i think he'd volunteer at the hospital helping patients with mobility related injuries. reasoning: PLEASE in order to be a brilliant taijutsu specialist he has to have like the most intimate understanding of how the body works. that's his whole area of expertise. and i think that even post-op as a sand-squished teen he would have needed tons of therapy, and rock "paragon of virtue and chivalry and whatever" lee would absolutely feel like he needed to provide some sort of assistance to the hospo staff and help the other patients. because that's what a good shinobi would do. dattebayo

level 3:

yall know what time it is its LANGUAGE HEADCANON TIME based on, once again, all of @sagemoderocklee's fantastic lore. i think lee speaks 3, which for me are a) some form of shinobi common b) whatever the land of fire's local is, and c) something unique to team gai that's heritage based. in tgod i call it nishitsuchigo. i think gaara speaks [large number] on account of being mr sand president sir and thus becoming to some extent a diplomat, plus all those night awake? polyglot challenge speedrun. and the gaalee aspect of this is that gaara can speak all three that lee knows, so they can use that heritage based one to talk shit about their coworkers what who said that.

gaara's hugely into gardening. i think this is a fact in the databooks and we all know the screencap where he's holding the flowerpot but extending on this into truly fan-created lore i think he's definitely overhauling all of suna's food supply chains by going ham on greenhouses and very precise water allocations etc etc

lee grows his hair out after neji's death. this one is, again, well distributed across fandom because everyone, of course, is right relieved emoji. but ignoring bort entirely, lee would definitely do something to honour his friend/teammate, and i think that would be something like growing his hair out, since i don't think he'd change his style of dress and he can't learn neji's jutsu. and he's had long hair before. bring it back kishi u bastard

level 4 delusions:

theyre married. what do you mean im delulu

metal, if i am acknowledging bort which most of the time i am not, is their biological child. no i am not explaining how. my metal origin theory changes based on the fic i'm writing. currently its rock lee's tboy swag porn extension fic. hooHA. but this one only applies to when there's kids present--most of the time there aren't kids in my head

lee and temari swap diplomat roles to be emissaries for each other's villages as part of a Siq Deal to be with their respective husbandos

lee would 100% teach taijutsu to suna's academy students. why? because i said so

basically all my other headcanons tbh

omg i had so much fun with this thank you anon! <3

[darlingdawnauryn]

How I Use Technology in My Practice

I know we've all been watching the online world disintegrate in real time -- and the rise of spiritual psychosis on Tik Tok is something I definitely don't want to think too much about -- but I'm here to tell you that it's not all doom and gloom and modern-day technology can still be utilized in a beneficial way. Here are some ways I use it to aid in my practice.

Music for Meditation and Ambience. There are a lot of premade playlists to help people meditate, consisting of binaural beats, eastern inspired zen music, and instrumentals and chants to help connect to a specific deity -- and that's probably only scratching the surface. But what I like about the modern-day landscape where anyone can post anything is the specificity: we're not limited to what could previously only be found on a CD your mom might've gotten from the back of a magazine; instead, there are playlists like "you're taking a bath in ancient greece," "2 AM," and one of my personal favorites, "T h e D r e a m p o o l s." There are people who post their own compositions too, like in the case of help me.'s channel! Most of the time I don't even use it for meditation; I put it on in the background when I write spells and hypersigils, when I work my herbal magick, when I feel like working energy by dancing, etc.

Liminal Portals. Speaking of the poolrooms, I use liminal spaces a lot in my work. Due to my mobility issues and my inability to drive, I can't exactly visit a cemetery, a crossroads, or even an abandoned house whenever I want. So I do the next best thing: pull up a picture of a liminal space and meditate on it however I see fit. Similar to the wider variety of music, this affords me the opportunity to pick a specific, sometimes niche location to harness a specific energy -- it's not like you can go to a funzone midday and expect it to be vacant, let alone expect to work magick with all the kiddos running around. I also like using the images as portals: something to focus on before I sleep so I can conjure it in dreams and do work in the astral.

Inspiration and Motivation! Like a lot of people who came of age alongside the Internet, I now spend more time on Youtube than I do watching TV or even using other streaming services. I use it for shits and giggles as much as the next guy, but I also try to be conscious and intentional with my screentime. I find more and more that I use Youtube for a place of inspiration: magickal as well as mundane. As I've said in previous posts, journaling and writing are serious hobbies of mine. I watch a lot of junk/journal Youtubers, so this video popped up in my recommended the other week -- decidedly un-witchy and completely separate from anything magickal. But I ended up using it to make a journal for my hypersigils, and it feels so much more personal that way. As far as witches go, I'm way more intrigued by Q&As and those in the community interviewing each other; I find the candid conversations more practical than short little how-to videos. Plus, they're a great go-to when I feel disconnected from my practice. Listening to a back-and-forth between two people who are clearly passionate about their Craft gives me the kick to get back into mine again!

Mapping Out the World. This one is a bit headier than the others, so bear with me. First and maybe most importantly: I've been a supporter of the New Age movement since before I knew what it was -- I've always been in contact with spirit guides, fairies, and other nature spirits, and I've always had an affinity for crystals and Hippie Culture (TM) and seen firsthand how the Law of Attraction can be both beneficial and detrimental to one's overall health. While I don't interact much with that side of the Internet anymore, owing to the alarming turn to far-right mindsets and some other problematic beliefs in that community -- as well as my pseudo-disillusionment with the movement at large -- I still think there's something to be said about some of those principles -- particularly the LoA. In a sense, the algorithm as we know it is a mini version of our lives. Do I think every word, thought, and emotion should be policed in an attempt to achieve the myth of ~high vibration~ and enlightenment? Of course not. But let's look at an example that's completely free from any kind of spiritualism: if I ask you to look around the room you're in right now and count as many red objects as you can in ten seconds, that should be a relatively easy task, right? But if I ask you to then conjure up the number of yellow objects without taking another look around, you won't be able to. Why? Because you were focused on the red ones. And in my experience, the world works much the same way and technology exists to reinforce this belief: what we watch, read, and give our attention to online will multiply; it's up to us to curate our experience.

The second thing I'd like to touch on is something that's completely personal -- what I've taken to calling Small Living. Maybe this was brought on by collective nostalgia for the aughts, but lately I've been preoccupied by early-days Internet (web 1.5?) and how much more contained everything felt back then. People can make their filtered edits and try to recapture the vibe by creating bygone-feeling analog horror, but it truly was an experience, going on Youtube and watching "ghost caught on camera" videos or logging onto Quizilla to read anything from local urban legends to proto-creepypasta. It goes without saying that a lot of this stuff was bullshit, but there was something exciting and transgressive about semi-hidden forums dedicated to paranormal and occult information -- back when nothing was monetized yet and people were earnestly either trying to spread knowledge or scare the shit out of unsuspecting viewers and readers.

In a way, getting into the Craft has brought me back to that smallness. Despite the paranormal boom that happened twenty-odd years ago, it was still rare to find people who actually took it seriously: ghost hunters, fellow witches, and the like. Now that "alternative spirituality" has gone mainstream, books about opening your third eye and connecting with nature spirits and high frequency diets are a dime a dozen, meaning it's the same handful of points regurgitated by people who are most likely just looking to make a quick buck. (And don't get me started on the bastardization/commercialization of metaphysical shops.) Thinking about this objectively was one of the biggest things that led me to starting this blog: compared to Insta, Tik Tok, Reddit, and even the cesspools that are Facebook and Twitter, Tumblr is almost a dying breed. I like to think I'm not too far off in feeling like those who stumble across my page looking for first-hand experience and/or potential pointers had to do some digging in order to find it. I'm also getting a kick out of older, secondhand copies of occult books for the same reasons. (Related sidenote: turning my attention to helping my immediate community instead of giving myself IBS flare-ups stressing about every worldwide issue has helped my mental health astronomically. Another pro of Small Living.)

[knzjyd515]

My "Fairy Tail" headcanons because why not? There are only two so far, but I'll make another post if I come up with any more:

-Aries is asexual. After all that Karen did when her Gate Key belonged to her—using her as a distraction for her boyfriends and abusing the shit out of her—I feel like it only makes sense for her to be wary of both genders.

-The reason Weisslogia and Skiadrum manipulated Sting and Rogue's memories was so that they had the sense of closure that Natsu, Gajeel, and Wendy didn't get to have. It was a gesture of their love for them. After all, Igneel, Metallicana, and Grandeeney up and disappeared, abandoning them as far as their own adoptive children knew. Natsu's life up until the truth was revealed was spent looking for Igneel. Wendy was shattered, thinking she'd been abandoned. Gajeel acted like he didn't give a damn, but he definitely did.

@nalunalu, also known as @dragonballwish, already knew I had these, but I was too shy to share them until now.

Thank you for reading. Hope these make sense to people. (Please tell me if there were any typos or anything. This was typed out on mobile.)

[centrally-unplanned]

I don't want to say the above post by MR is false, most the points are individually "true enough", but I think this is a very unhelpful frame to pick. It is setting up the idea that Republicans and Democrats had, essentially, a clash of ideas, that was fought within the boundaries of idea-space, and that right now Republicans are winning, converting people to their side.

To that I say, first, have the "vibes shifted"? In elite internet discourse subcommunities, oh sure, but this is focused on broader political things. It is certainly true that Biden won election in 2020 and is on track to lose it in 2024. But that event is a "vibe shift" in ~5% of voting Americans in swing states! Elections in the US are just incredibly close and turn on the dime of some chucklefucks (affectionate) in Wisconsin. That ~5% swing can have gigantic effects on the composition of the government, but that is not the same as saying the "vibes of the nation" changed outside of the obvious way they always change when elections happen.

Now if that 5% swing was caused by Republicans "winning the war of ideas" then it would be a little different of a vibe shift, but you can salvage the idea. But I don't buy that. This:

1. Trump and his team understand that we now live in a world of social media.  Only a modest part of the Democratic establishment has mastered the same.

Or this:

8. Democrats and leftists are in fact less happy as people than conservatives are, on average.  Americans noticed this, if only subconsciously.

Are just weird explanations for these minor shifts, particularly when they shifted the other way in 2020. Were democrats...more happy in 2020? Say that sentence with a straight face.

Of course not, it's inflation and Biden's Too Old and all the typical flotsom of electoral politics, and also the fact that the electorate regularly swings between the parties because, to be frank, they are dumbasses and think "fresh air" will help or w/e.

In fact, I think Republicans - like Democrats - have done a pretty bad job of convincing their own voters of their own shifts in opinions. I don't have the ideal graph I was looking at (lost on mobile) but this one will do - while the Republican party has hard shifted against NATO, voter support has only increased:

This isn't a "vibe shift" in the electorate, voters just have never cared about NATO enough to vote for the "pro-NATO" guy over the things they have always cared more about (the economy & big pet topics like immigration, abortion, etc).

Instead of this blanket "vibe shift" model, you should instead view it an intra-party vibe shift. What the Republican party is "about" has changed a ton - not as a radically as people think, while it abandoned free trade and embraced authoritarianism it was always pro-life, anti-liberal, locally authoritarian, anti-immigrant, addicted to tax cuts for the upper class, etc. But it isn't like voters ever liked the free trade stuff anyway, they didn't change by convincing voters all that much. They changed internally, and voters are unmoved by those changes, they don't care enough or the system isn't flexible enough with its party binary to make "punishing" a change make sense.

Voters have of course changed some, this is all margins & degrees. I just don't think you can point to the causes listed in the post for the most as an explainer for polling gaps. You need a sharper model of how "manufacturing consent" works.

[a-dragons-journal]

I really hate writing posts like this on mobile, but I’m not going to get the chance to write it on desktop for almost a week, so I’m writing this in Google Docs and copying it over and I apologize for any missed formatting errors.

I’m having a real weird time with Frontiers - not bad, necessarily, but weird - and I want to document it to some extent, so here we are. Pretty major game spoilers ahead. Also a quick warning that I am going to get a little mean about trophy hunting; I am aware that on Earth this is a somewhat more nuanced issue (and I really don’t want to get into it tbh), but I am letting myself get emotional here because that’s frankly just not true on Pandora because the situation is different.

This game is giving me a really weird experience, because it’s like… the story is meh until it is not. I’m mostly having a normal time, until I very abruptly am not.

The first round was during the Zeswa clan storyline, when you get into the Lodge. For those who haven’t played or haven’t gotten this far yet, while exploring the Upper Plains and talking with the Zeswa, you learn that the RDA has been poaching animals, hunting and trapping them en masse to ship them or their body parts back to Earth to sell for big bucks, because the people back on Earth will pay massive amounts of money to be able to show off anything Pandoran - often taking whole carcasses, but sometimes just stripping the pieces they can sell and leave the rest to rot. There’s a log from an interrogation wherein they captured a Zeswa and tortured them to try and get them to reveal the location of the graveyard of the zakru, the enormous animals the Zeswa live in symbiosis with, so they can steal the bones and tusks. And when you get into the Lodge, the center of Harding’s poaching operation, there are stuffed animals and animal parts on display as trophies.

I cannot express properly the rage that filled my chest and my throat when I saw that. The outlying camps, with their slaughtered fa’li and aywinzaw in piles, were bad enough. But the Lodge itself, the heads and bodies and bones put on display, animals that were not killed for food or population culls but simply because they could - my throat fills with fire even thinking back on it now. This is not Eywa’s way. This is deeply, deeply wrong.

All right. That’s fine. That’s fine. I can be normal about this. This is a deeper anger than I have gotten out of most media, but it’s fine.

And then there was the second round, during the Kame’tire clan storyline. And let me just say, hoo boy the story very suddenly picks up during the Kame’tire section. There is a segment where you find the place where you and other Sarentu children were held and processed before you were taken to the school the game initially picks up in, where you see what was left behind - cages and shackles the Sarentu were held in, Sarentu toys and clothes and ornaments that were stripped from the children, disinfectant and stark communal showers that were used to strip even their clan’s scent from them. The place is abandoned and empty and hollow, and I… I had to actually take a step back and take a break from it for a minute partway through because I was getting overwhelmed and starting to want to cry, even despite being on call with friends and having them chattering about something unrelated and cheerful in my ear. I felt trapped and frightened and horrified and haunted by memories. And I - look. I am a person that feels a lot with regards to fictional media. I have often said that my emotions are too big for my little body, and fiction is my safe place to feel at 100% capacity where it doesn’t actually have consequences. I am familiar with the emotional impacts fiction can have on me, and they can be big.

I had to actually stop and take a step back and walk away for a couple of minutes and get a snack and engage in an unrelated conversation for a bit to remind myself this was fiction and wasn’t actually happening. I have never had to do that.

And when I escaped that horrible, horrible place and escaped the yavä’ - I came across a Na’vi camp almost immediately and it was horribly jarring, seeing all these people just… living their lives. Talking amongst themselves. Sitting by the fire, sharing food and stories and music. I had to walk back out of the camp and call my ikran just to stroke her head and, in my head at least, hug her and comfort myself for a bit before I could go back in.

And then, after a bit to recover - normal game experience again. Normal level of investment. Normal level of emotional impact.

So… I still don’t think I am Sarentu (or Na’vi of any kind), although the specificity of what hit me that hard makes me pause to wonder for a moment, but hoo boy my alterhumanity related to this world is definitely impacting my emotional experience of this game periodically and it is a wild ride. I am not Na’vi, but being of Eywa, I can live in a Na’vi’s footprints completely enough, at least temporarily, to Know what it is to live this life and walk this path.

That’s the odd thing, about having a hearthome which is so integrally connected that the interconnection is part of the hearthome feelings - I am not Na’vi, but also I know what it is to be Na’vi. I am not ikran, but also I know what it is to be ikran. I am not - you get the idea. I am not, but also I kind of am.

It’s… interesting. And hoo boy it’s a lot in this case. I’ll be fine, but man.

[reallysublimepoetry]

@justforratkings "Unwelcome-ozian posting my sexual history, and sexual traumas in great depth and detail on the internet along with personal identifying information was retraumatizing. I felt extremely violated, robbed of autonomy. Talking about this situation with others IRL it sounds like I've had my nudes posted, while I've never had that experience I think it might feel pretty similar in the sense of having my sexual privacy violated. I once trusted him with my life and he threw me away like trash after I did what he asked, and then asked for more consistency in return.

It was MY story, and he took it. I was so sad to have my life and insecure unfiltered thoughts put out on display, I was scared of the criticism and scrutiny I'd receive, blame and ostracization and stigmatization for being victimized. Scared of all my weaknesses and triggers being available for anyone and everyone to use against me the same way he did, tear me down and hold me back with. I was scared for my future.

I know that document is floating around forever, I've received harassment over it here on tumblr and through my mobile #. Probably what he wanted. I've been victim blamed several times even though I'm a teenger and this is a 50+ year old man. He groomed me and got information from me and I have a lingering fear of what Oz has done and will do with the information next, exacerbated by his current threats.

I felt so vulnerable and unable to protect myself, helpless to and scared of the abuse he was knowingly, purposely setting me up for, devastated that he betrayed me in such a traumatic way. While also dealing with our trauma bond and his abandonment. I felt like this abuse was going to permanent and life long, I felt so confused and overwhelmed about how old he is and that he did that to me and betrayed everything he claims to support and advocate for. The truth of him was revealed in such a sadistic, terrifying, heart breaking way.

Oz will abuse you. He admitted to monitoring me but I won't hide the damage he did and further empower that pedo. Social vulnerability is a distressing and traumatizing for any human being, Oz left me no choice but to be in a vulnerable position, purposely. He is still threatening to post more under the same title he originally released the document under.

One quote thats always stuck with me is "a narcissist will ruin their life to ruin yours", which I apply here to mean they do not care about making a fool and an ass out of themselves, as long as they can hurt you. Its ironic the way he is acting like a child. A scared child hiding from themselves and what they've done.

Why was he talking to and reading that stuff about a teenage girl anyway? He's not a therapist, he's not qualified or trustworthy or supportive. I'll tell you why, its cuz he's a pedophile."