#I also don't really like how Jack is talking to Tim here like this man was sleeping half of the day just a couple of days ago

[littlefankingdom]

~ Batman: Knightfall

Dick, don't act as if you cannot lie to Bruce. You have a father to lie to, if you want.

[on-the-clear-blue]

Danny, staring up at Tim, who currently Robin: okay...so this isn't what it looks like.

Tim, giving dead pan glare: so you arnt breaking into Drake Manor?

Danny, shoulders dropping: okay yeah it's totally what it looks like...but not because you think!

Tim, sighing slightly: so you arnt homeless and thought that since Timothy Drake was recently adopted by Bruce Wanye, and both of his parents are dead you can just move in and live here?

Danny, blinking owlishly: I mean, yeah? I mean, not homeless, and I didn't even know that dude got adopted, like good for him, hope that he is safe and shiz, sucks that he parents died and all but not here to squat dude.

Tim, raising a single eyebrow: then why pray tell are you here?

Danny, kicking at the ground a bit: so like...ugh, so I might be um like...a...fudge what's the word...ah! Psychopomp? Like I am a dude that helps like people's ghosts pass and like keeps em happy.

Tim, squinting behind his mask: the only person that died here is Jack Drake and I assure you, his soul would not be happy going to where he deserves to be.

Danny, holding up his hands: wow lot of misplaced aggression there boy wonder...no I ain't here for him, like him and his wife did like...so much tomb raiding they would make the Victorians jelly. I am here cus they stole some dudes shit and he wants it back...like yesterday.

Tim, tilting his head: so you are here to steal an artifact.

Danny, popping the P sound: Yup, something about some guys clay tablet, he liked keeping his hate mail for some reason, said this one was about how he shorted some dudes iron? Or was it copper... my Mesopotamian isn't the best.

Tim, eyes widening, because he knows *exactly* which tablet he is talking about: Oh...yeah no bro, you seem chill but I really can't let you have that so why don't you just like...walk away and I won't be forced to do something kay?

Danny, frowning: Sames dude, up until that .y guy cus like...I *really* wasn't asking...

Tim, sighing as he extends his bo staff: Try and just like, not hold a grude yeah? Don't need a new villain...

Danny, pulling out an ecto gun and turning it on: I don't know man...I feel like we have good banter.

(They fight, Tim is still training so he is a bit sloppy, and Danny isn't shooting to kill, so it's more of them playing cat and mouse throughout Drake Manor, it ends with Danny stealing the tablet but having to leave the ecto gun, which gets broken when he escapes)

Tim, panting as he watches Danny flee: Fuck...is this what B feels after fighting Catwoman?

---

Bruce, rubbing his temples as Tim explains why he was late for training: You tried to apprehend an unknown, with a weapon of an unknown source and power...in the home of your secret identity?

Tim, looking properly chastised: God...yes that happened...he wasn't that bad honestly...was pretty witty.

Bruce developing a twitch in his eye: No.

Tim: No? No what.

Bruce, glaring hard at his adopted son: No falling in love with a villain.

Tim, looking scandalized now: Oh? What is this? Hypocrisy thy name is Bruce Wayne!

Bruce's glare turns into a batglare: Ten laps around the cave and fifty bo staff katas...no villains!

---

Danny becomes Tim's rogue, but not really, most of their battles are more each other showing off their new gear/moves they learned.

Danny also is only using tech that his parents made and he upgraded since he really doesn't want to go ghost in front of *Robin*, who is totally not his crush, and the only reason why he won't is because batman would 100% be on his ass.

Danny, pulling a massive creep stick with a nail driven through it out of seemingly nowhere: The new and approved Creep Stick! This time with nail to add tetnus damage!

Tim, watching as 'The Inventor' escapes once more: I hate seeing him leave but by God do I love watching him go...Damn should have turned on the camera just so I can see it again.

Barbara chiming in: Keep the main line PG Robin.

Batman, through coms: Hn...we shall be having words when we get back to the cave

Tim, sipping a soup that The Occultist made: "So like...why were you even here?

---

When the Titans tower incident occurs, Tim could only watch in awe as the Inventor, not only comes in from the ceiling with a literal metal chair, and then continues to beat up the guy with a bad Robin cosplay.

Danny, panting as he holds up the chair again: Back I say! Back! My blorbo!

Jason, seething as he actually hisses at this random teen that appeared out of nowhere, scurrying away while cradling his broken arm: You shall rue the day! Jason Todd was here bitches!

Tim, staring up at Danny, face a bloody mess and an adoring look in his eyes: omg he stalks me, this is must what the other guys felt when I did it!

They don't really start dating, it's much more Danny breaking into Tim's house and just not leaving.

Tim, watching as his "arch enemy" is sprawled across his couch, bucket of ice cream in one hand, spoon in another, phone balanced between his ear and shoulder, pants and socks tossed haphazardly across the living room and just chilling in his boxers: Now wait a damn minute.

Danny, pausing while looking up from his ice cream (which is actually Tim's, since the boy is rich and buys the good shit), pointing his spoon accusatorily at Tim: Your fucking late Mister! Drag race started half an hour ago and we agreed to watch it together!

Tim, blushing under the Robin mask: Sorry case got good and- wait wait wait, when did we agree to watch drag race together?

Danny, rolling his eyes: when I made breakfast this morning? I even gave you extra strong coffee for your solem swearing that you would be here.

Tim, thinking back to earlier: I just...remember a bright white orb giving me a mug and a plate of food...

Danny, scoffing: this is why I need to drug you to get to sleep more often. Now take off your gear and get over here, they about to choose who shall sashay away!

Tim, nodding slowly: Hope it is that one queen from last episode, that lio sink didn't have any- wait! Ugh you keep distracting me! When did you fucking move in? I don't even know your name!

Danny with a spoon just an inch away from his mouth: Jazz? Yeah I uhh...I gotta call you back...(clicks hang up on his phone) Your joking right? For the shits and gigs?

Tim, shaking his head slowly: No shits, not a single gig my dude, 100% honest.

Danny, who had just arrived this morning since his parents are renovating because Fenton HQ is a glaring OSHA violation, but also who's middle names are "commit to the bit" and "Gaslight GateKeep Girl boss" : Babe we have been dating for like, *months*...d-do ou really not remember?

Tim, existential crisis made manifest: Oh no...I have been mind wiped.

Danny, astounded that worked: Baby I am so sorry...

They "date" for like a week before Danny starts feeling bad that he tricked Tim (who he finally got to see maskless, he had to stop his heart to not show any outward reaction to that, cus like hell he is cute) and wants to come clean but he honestly never had seen Tim more happy nor more healthy.

Danny, sitting across Bruce at the Manor: S-So um...like yeah we um...met at a science convention? My um...my parents were show casing stuff and like...we met there?

Bruce, eyes narrowing because that sounded like a lie: Hn.

Dick, happy that Tim finally felt comfortable to bring his "boyfriend" to dinner: B stop glaring! Your going to scare off Timmy's Bf! God you weren't this bad when I brought over Roy that one time.

Bruce doesn't stop glaring, and it's making Danny even more nervous: Um I uh...need to use the bathroom one sec...

Tim moves to guide him but Alfred waves him to sit down: You really must eat Master Timothy, I did make your favorite today. I shall guide Mister Fenton to the lavatory.

Alfred does indeed lead Danny from the dining room, but the second they are far enough the old butler suddenly has a shotgun in hand, skin suddenly a pale blue and objects around the parlor turning green and floating: While they do try and see the best in others, I do not Phantom, now I must ask you to kindly leave and never contact Master Timothy every again. I shall not let my charge fall for such as the likes of you.

Danny blinking at how he was addressed, a sudden ghostly blue mist escaping his mouth: Oh shit.

They have a ghost fight, all while comically popping in and out of the dining room, making excuses for whyvthe other is gone.

It ends when Tim, finally fed up with why his boyfriend is taking so long opens the door only to see him duking it out with Alfred, fully gone ghost and was loosing.

Such leads to confessions of lies, real feeling and why Alfred has been able to be a spry 60 even though he fought in WWI and it is very much the mid 2010s.

(Danny and Tim do end up together, this time with no lies about a mind wipe, and get Kon and Bart to join their polycule later on)

[rockstvrdotcom]

It's 💅anon again!!!!

Can you pls do a s/o who like to bite or mark their partner/mate a lot??? (NSFW or SFW all fine)

With EJ, Masky and Hoodie pls 🥺🥺🥺

ej, masky, and hoodie with a s/o that likes to bite

ej, masky, hoodie x reader (nsfw but mostly sfw in there)

HI NONNIEEE!! the first work u asked for is otw!! i just decided to post this one first because the other is longer lol

tw/cw: marking/biting (duhhh), nsfw, guys theres gore in the photos so beware, fem reader, mentions of blood, scratching, cigarette burns on skin/clothes, spanking, slapping, slight somnophilia kink

EYELESS JACK

you like to mark him:

at first he was reluctant, he thought his skin was already ruined enough at it was. you assured him that it's fine, and that he's the most handsome boy you've ever laid your eyes on. (you both cringed at that but he lowk loved it cos hes canonically insecure abt his skin)

once you did it the first time.. this man could not get enough. literally begged you to do it over and over again. he's obsessed with it. you almost got tired of it (you could never tho)

loves when you leave little kitten licks on the mark; he loves the feeling so much like he could just eat you

loves when your on top of him as you give him hickeys— especially when your sitting on top of him and your hips are grinding against his.

lets out really silent whimpers as you mark him, so silent you don't even hear them most of the time. but when you're near his throat, you can faintly hear them.

gets hard so easily from you biting/marking him.

obsessed with when you have lipstick on and leave little lipstick stains on his cheeks or really any part of his body.

...loves when you mark him near the base of his cock— whether its lipstick stains or his hickeys. he just loves seeing the marks as he jerks off when your not around him. (yall im going to hell)

he likes to mark you:

after he begins to mark you he does not stop. sucks on the skin until its a dark purple/green.

sometimes he even likes to bite through the skin and lick up the blood— if you're okay with it of course.

gets really turned on when you let him break skin, usually ends up in him bending you over the nearest surface and fucking you silly. the blood gets him so riled up.

whenever you both are not busy he constantly has his teeth in your neck; not all the time but often. sometimes he'll just sneak up behind you and take a bite like you're some sort of snack.

he likes to mark you around your collarbone and neck; makes you wear v necks around the mansion so people can see the piece of art he created on your neck.

he was really gentle with it at first— asking you if it hurt or if you were ok. he has a higher pain tolerance than normal he has a hard time knowing the limits, but when you tell him it's ok and tell him you want more? he just can't help himself.

if he's marking you and you both have nothing to do it usually always ends up in him dicking you down. this mans sex drive is HIGH

asks you to sit on his lap any chance he gets and let him mark you.

guys this man is just so obsessed with marking—  gn.

MASKY

you like to mark him:

masky n tim are very different.. tim is such a sweetie pie but masky is a whole 'nother thing. but lets talk about masky

this man.. he's so down bad for you marking him like the second you asked he started rushing you to come over here and start sucking on his neck.

all that and he still won't ever take off his mask— but maybe he'll lift it just enough for you to leave lipstick stains and hickeys down his jawline.

i don't even know whether he prefers the lipstick stains or hickeys. he loves when you break skin though, he's just so into it and it gets him so hot n sweaty.

also obsessed with the way you leave scratch marks down his back when he pounds into you, likes looking at them in the mirror and how they burn in the shower

when you're leaving marks around his neck you can really smell the earthy/woody scent he has.. and a faint smell of cigarettes' on him.

likes when you mark him as hes smoking a cig; two of his favorite things at the same time? sign him up

has to have some sort of grip on your thighs while you mark him, he's obsessed with your thighs.

it js makes him so horny when you have your teeth sunken down into his skin.

wants you to leave lipstick stains on the collar of his shirt or hoodie.. idk man he js loves it.

he likes to mark you

oh boy

he lifts up his mask just enough so he can bite you and taste your skin.

thighs. leaves scratches, bites, kisses all over your thighs. he just can't stop man.

begs you to let him mark you all the time, even though it lowk humiliates him.

"please, pretty. i wan' everyone to know your mine."

leaves scratch marks all over your ass and back, idk he's just obsessed with it.

the whole marking thing rlly plays into his obsession with letting everybody know your his. he's really possesive.

this one might be a lil.. yk. but if you're okay with it and let him, he likes to leave cigarette burns on your thighs. something about stubbing out a cigarette 0n you just does something to him. or he likes leaving cigarette burns on your clothes that you don't mind being ruined.

the way he marks you is just so diverse, you don't know whats next, a bite or??

also likes to spank you or js see your ass red.. seeing the pretty light red shade on your ass does something to him. when you guys are fucking he'll grip/spank your ass hard, he likes seeing his hand prints on your ass.

HOODIE

you like to mark him

when it comes to marking, hoodie and brian are relatively similar but hoodies way more kinky w/ it.

hoodie does not hesitate to do it in public. begs you to mark him all over while you guys are in the middle of nowhere with a bunch of people around.

wants you to leave them in the most noticeable places like his neck and jaw.

he just wants you all over him honestly. he wants you ontop of him littering his chest with kisses and hickies. hes so obsessed with you marking him and you can smell the strong but faint smell of cologne on him (idk how that works dont ask me)

looks down his shirt randomly just to see the marks you left on him.

every time he sees one fading he asks you to do it again.

just like ej he likes when you leave marks near the base of his dick, it just adds to the pleasure when the forming hickey is throbbing while you're sucking him off.

he likes to mark you

doesn't stop once he starts.

hes kinda a sadist tbh

doesn't do anything like cigarette burns like masky. but likes to take a smoke while you mark him. he doesn't smoke often though.

hickeys and lipstick stains are his favorite. slapping you and seeing the red slowly creep onto your face tops all of that + bruises aswell.

doesn't slap you just to inflict pain; surprisingly. he just wants to see the red marks on your pretty 'lil face

takes pictures of the marks he left on you with his camera and jerks off to them later.

praises you but also degrades you at the same time as he marks you.

"fuck, you're my cute lil' slut aren't you? so adorable with my hickeys all over her."

grips at your thighs hard while you guys are fucking; hard enough to leave dark bruises. he admires then while you sit on his lap later on.

speaking of sitting on his lap,, he loves when you're sitting ontop of him or you're on your knees infront of him as he lightly slaps you on the face, just enough to leave his handprint.

also likes spanking your ass and leaving bruises on it

squeezes your ass later to hear you wince in slight pain.

marks you while your sleeping and likes to see your reaction when you wake up

kisses the marks he leaves on you

[omegastation]

I hope my post will make sense, been sick with the flu for days. But for Jacob Fix-It Week @justice-for-jacob, I wanted to talk about the main points that have bugged me for years and what I would "fix":

More perspective and credit given to Jacob's mother and himself

I talked about his loyalty mission many times and here I explained what bugged me the most about it. In summary, I don't believe his father was really good before as Jacob seemed to think he was. I think there's a difference between teaching good things to a kid and being good yourself. I also don't think he had to do what he did to survive. There's no way. He just enjoyed it.

And the narrative gives way too much credit to the father and not enough to the mother. So in a fix-it situation, I think we should hear more about Jacob's mother and everything she did to raise him.

I also believe we are all taught things, but we make decisions that change the trajectory of our lives and perhaps, our morals. I think Jacob needs to give more credit to himself as well.

Acknowledging he's worthy of being a real LI

It's obvious to me that the writers didn't care enough about him as a true LI but I don't believe for a second that a Jacob romancing Shepard would do something like this. It's not in character.

Jacob is loyal, caring, and painfully aware of the many ways he could fail as a person. He has the gift of introspection, he's self-aware enough.

We could look at the past too: Jacob and Miranda had a thing, it didn't work out and they stayed friends. Jacob has always been respectful, caring and protective of her. And the ways others view a character can tell us much about the character himself. Miranda Lawson WOULD NOT go out of her way to do something for this man if she didn't find him worthy of love, affection and care. She knows he's precious. Because he is ;)

Not pushing him out of the fight in ME3

This one, I go back and forth, because it all depends on how protective he is of people, like Jack choosing to help her students and not being at the front of the fight. But I really think Jacob would spend more time helping Shepard and fighting Cerberus than he does in ME3 if Brynn and the other ex-Cerberus weren't there.

I think his past with Cerberus would make him necessary on the Normandy, just like Miranda really. And now that I'm thinking about it, I would like a real "you fucked around and found out" conversation between him and TIM.

[tortoisetales]

I'm continuing to read Tim's stories from the start with the Robin Reborn anthology. I like how it starts with Tim going, Jason was just some guy and I am also some guy! So I can also be Robin! You hear that, kids at home?

Wow, I didn't realize his parents getting attacked was this immediate. At least I knew going in that this storyline was racist (Tim's parents are also racist.) What is with DC's obsession with voodoo at this time?

This woman is about to die but still makes time to be passive-aggressive towards her husband! In an AU where they survive they are ultra-divorced.

Now there's also a black 70s pimp attacking this guy. The vibes of Batman beating the shit out of these black guys and then giving the white criminal a hand up ...

Tim is already hacking into banks. This is too much power for a 13 year old.

Convenient news broadcast of the Drakes' plane going missing. "No one else can really help," says Alfred. So they leave Tim alone to brood. This is why we need Dick, Dick would've given him a hug and stuck around. Bruce and Alfred both go for manful hands-on-shoulders. Though Bruce does offer to spend the day with Tim after realizing he's been awake and brooding all night.

Tim is observant enough to realize Bruce is keeping the cowl on so Tim won't see his expression and stop hoping. They're both performing a bit for the other here.

The villain is out here just making factual statements about America exploiting other countries and then slits the poor secretary's throat. ... okay, at this point if I comment on every shitty or racist thing I'm going to be talking about every page. But Jesus.

Batman is hiding from Tim now! Alfred is helping him hide from Tim! What a man.

Jack Drake: Rules or not, the board better pay for our release!

Real question: Are we supposed to hate Jack already?

The sad bat-silhouette lol.

Tim finding out and being mad: obvious. Tim thinking he has to squash his emotions and capable of doing so: interesting! Tim literally watched a man get his throat slit here, but his priority is getting Batman to be honest with him. (And, possibly, not being hot-headed like Jason, though I don't think they've really started on that yet.)

Still doesn't work. Tim gets a little info and then he's told, Just trust me. Bruce, you were just refusing to tell him his parents were alive, and he's supposed to trust you? Also the thing he's keeping from Tim is just that they received a ransom demand for his parents. That's a good thing. That's hope!

Tim, who thinks in terms of symbols and narratives, is immediately wondering if his parents have to die before he can become Robin. Alfred is scandalized. But I love that Tim actually vocalizes this, especially after squashing things down earlier.

"Jim Gordon never shot an unarmed man in his life. Middle-age is doing a lot to him--but turning him into a killer isn't it." I like this little comment from Batman as a man nearly runs Gordon down. He respects Gordon because he has his own line in the sand.

I like this page a lot. Tim has been taught how to process his emotions and seeing awful things as part of his training. We are probably supposed to assume Batman taught him this, but given what Batman is like and my general knowledge, I can't help but think "Somebody in Paris taught him this."

Then Tim goes back to work with a wink. Honestly, I don't think a distraction (especially one that helps) is a bad idea, but this:

Is not an okay kid. But it fools Alfred, who immediately stops worrying about him and starts worrying about Bruce instead.

*pats head of Tim* This boy can fit so much parentification in him!

The bank thief is giving the money to peasants in Cambodia ... listen, comic: I don't trust you to have takes, see: all the racism. Stop trying and just make an evil man do an evil thing.

Tim manages to talk the Headmaster of Juvie into believing the insane idea that this kid with no resources is stealing millions of dollars WITHOUT GIVING HIM HIS NAME. Boy has charisma when he needs it and also hates giving out his name! I would be on Anarky's side maybe if I believed he had the forethought to have told any of the people he gave money to that he did that. Or understood how he did that. How did you get these people's names and information? Do they have any idea they now have bank accounts now? I feel like anyone with enough information online that you can set up a bank account for them already owns a bank account.

Anarky owns V for Vendetta lol. If I were a vigilante I would so try to talk this kid into MY brand of vigilantism. "It's illegal, but it's in a good cause" after all. Well, Tim did try to talk to him ...

But like, Tim is a rich guy with racist parents who wanted to exploit the poor countries that Anarky was giving money to! Who thought this plot was a good idea!

More racism ... and the Drakes are poisoned.

Stuff like this is why people think Tim has meta-narrative powers. Identity Crisis next!

[m00nz-writes]

Ref Sheet for Edna + more info about DWW

*yes i know the proportions of the full body isn't great. please don't be upset with me, i finished this at like 1 AM lmao*

Here's some extra information about DWW (Dead Woman Walking):

The entire storyline takes place between 2007/2008, it also starts in a fake town called Maplewood Hollow in Oklahoma. And unlike most CRPs (not dissing btws) Edie's parents still love her because she's their baby girl and they don't know she's basically an assassin now.

She used to be a barista at a basic little coffee shop, and now she commits credit card fraud to have money! (no seriously. pulling the whole sam and dean winchester act bro) She also fucking hates The Rake, which is the first real CRP entity she meets.

Edna's story also closely intertwines with Marble Hornets because I'm cringe and unsupervised :D and the first person she meets is Tim, who she ends up liking because "omg someone's showing me respect and i don't know how to process this!!!!!" (she's traumatized, babes) and she also becomes BFFLs with Jane in chapter 5, when they meet during a killing of a very terrible man. They bond over their hatred for abusers and other terrible, TERRIBLE people.

Also Jeff is obsessed with Edna. Not in the creepy crush kind of way, absolutely not. Instead he's obsessed with her because he can't kill her and it fucking VEXES him. In his fucked up monke brain, being able to kill Edna would essentially be his biggest accomplishment? I mean, why are we trying to understand a textbook looney-bin?

Certain CRPs such as Ben DROWNED and Laughing Jack aren't put in for different reasons. Ben isn't involved because I feel like it wouldn't fit with the overarching story of DWW, I mean it's a story about a woman who's wronged and is going to kill her abuser. I don't think she'd have too much time to play video games... however, if I change my mind somewhere down the line, I'll def update that.

Meanwhile for Laughing Jack... well, I'm just not particularly a fan of snuffbomb. I won't go into any specifics as I'm sure anybody who's been in the CRP fandom for more than a decade would know at least a lil' bit what's he's done. I just don't feel comfortable having any of his creations involved with my work, so no LJ or Frankie the Undead, or anything like that. Sorry.

For other CRPs such as Sally, Ticci Toby, Clockwork, Bloody Painter, etc., they will also be added in. It's still too early in the process to really talk about that.

The first part of the story will sort of focus on Edna's journey as well as her interactions with the Marble Hornets guys, The Operator, Jane, Jeff, and even Liu. (also a lil bit of The Rake because they're kinda Edie's villain in the first part of the story. i love their characterization in this story.)

[sevicia]

give me the movie recs instead! scary is ok

LET'S GOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! Under a read more cause I looove talking, and the sections are ordered by like, priority of recommendation if that makes sense ... I also tried 2 actually rank them but I am not very good @ that LOL

Personal Enjoyment ONLY!!!:

No theme besides personal enjoyment "just for fun"/not relatable edition:

The Batman - I love it I just love it. I watched it bc my sister put it on and my pen's battery had run out. I was CLUELESS

Spree - That's my attention whore wife that would kill me for views !!!!!!

Jacob's Ladder - The best fever dream anyone could ever ask for !!! Everything about this movie is perfect. And this doesn't really matter TOO much ....... BUT …….. !!!! Tim Robbins in short shorts towards the end .......... save meeeee .................

Antiviral - I rewatched this one just before writing this LOL. It made me crazy when I first saw it back in 2022 and it makes me crazy now too!! The entire movie feels cold & sterilized but it's still Completely Sexual. Syd March I know what you are. OH also I like to think Mr. Cronenberg Sir is proud of his son bc this ruuuuules

Martyrs - This is like the ultimate "can't rec it as-is" movie bc of the amount of people that are genuinely disturbed by it & don't get me wrong I am one of them!! But there's just something here that has me thinking about it so often. The violence is amazing and the feeling in my stomach is horrible every time !!

No theme besides personal enjoyment mental illness edition:

Pulse (AKA Kairo) - Extremely close to my heart, the way loneliness relates to the internet & technology in general is such an interesting topic it would be enough to make this movie stand out for anyone, but I have such a personal fondness for it because of how much I felt it understood me. In a few ways.

Pearl - IDGAF how many people have gone "just like me fr" cause I am also one of them. I don't get the whole "female rage" thing that gets mentioned a ton (on account of me being some guy), but the theme of never being able to escape a life you hate ??? Absolutely fucking terrifying & hits super hard for me specifically

What Ever Happened to Baby Jane? - The RESENTMENT, the ANGER, the DESPAIR !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It resonated w/ me a lot more in the past but not so much anymore, which is good LOL

HORROR!! YAY!!:

Horror SERIOUS edition:

The Thing - certified classic I legit think everyone should watch this one at least once in their lives. The practical effects r amazing, the story is GRIPPING & many of the actors r hot. Literally what else could u ask for…..

Hellraiser - Huge DUH ….. The short story is so good too Mr. Clive Barker I owe you my life !!!!!

The House That Jack Built - Pretentious, yes! But also really fun/satisfying to watch. I've seen some people comment on this kinda movie being typical for the director? But IDK who that man is & I don't care either. Like at all.

Ringu - Just a classic. So creepy I have to hype myself up to watch it LOL

Persona - INSAAAAANE INSANE INSANE. I saw someone say it's toxic yuri which like. Yeah I think. But also it left me confused in a rly good way

Noroi: The Curse - honestly should be self-explanatory @ this point. GENUINELY scared the shit outta me

Repulsion - Also a drama (besides a horror), the way the main character's paranoia escalates is just .... haunting, I think is the word. There's some degree of irony in here, because of who the director is, that I can't really articulate.

Gorefest / not too serious:

Creep - INSANE found footage about a guy making decisions that seem questionable if not stupid to most people, but not to me. I understand him. (disclaimer that this one could also go in the prev. category ..... I don't knowwww)

Intruder - I was on a slasher kick a few years back and this was one of the better ones. The convenience store setting is so much fun & something I'd never seen before! Or since.

Rec - SOOOO anxiety inducing, there's a lot of moments where people r talking/yelling over each other & the part towards the end that explains the whole thing is just. 0_0. to me. Bc it's among the top 3 things I do NOT fuck with !!! (same disclaimer as w/ Creep).

Hostel - I actually really like this one & don't understand most of the criticisms besides the obvious misogyny. It irks me a lot that it gets called "torture porn" so often when it's just … not that bad ? As edgy as that sounds !!

Cube - go there. in the cube? go in the cube.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes - Zero excuses for this one, you just gotta embrace your shit taste sometimes

Terrifier - Separate from the 2nd one cause that one is different in more than a few ways ..... but this one is just like charming to me in a weird way. It 's fucking filthy like, visually tho cause of the abandoned building & other such things ....

Terrifier 2 - This one I also enjoyed a lot though it IS really really long, I found it fun! The whole family aspect of it I liked a lot bc fictional siblings my beloved :3 though Art's backstory is still rly muddy (4 me at least) I do think it's like, a fun silly slasher if you've got 2 hrs and a lot of patience LOL

Just fun overall!!:

YAY!!!!!!!!!:

ROBOTS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! - Oh my GOD I love this movie. I love this movie so much it's probably my favorite childhood movie. It's funny as fuck, really pretty AND has a good story. IK it may sound like nostalgia's involved but I just truly believe it's an amazing movie<3

Birds of Prey - This one is just a serotonin machine for me I love Harley so so muchh

Wendell & Wild - Visually insane I looove the look of this movie. It's also just rly enjoyable, I watched it multiple times at one point since it's on Netflix I think ? My mom got sick of it LOL

Bottoms - Absolutely bonkers it's such a fun movie. Gay and untalented and ugly and yet one of the most lovable movies I've ever seen ?? They need to print more of these

A Trip to Infinity - This one's actually a documentary on um. Infinity. Which is lovely because watching scientists be enthusiastic about their work and gush about it is just so good for my brain + it made me cry

The nostalgia I have 4 these ones is craaazy:

The Butterfly Effect - this was on TV SO OFTEN it was insane. I watched it so many times as a kid I always insisted on not changing the channel

The Voices - SO fun & silly I think of it so fondly .....

Paranorman - I love this movie so so much forever it's just so beautiful & funny

Zombieland - It's just fun man IDK what else to tell u

Sucker Punch - Another one that was often on TV, it's just embedded in my memory forever. I learned what a lobotomy was bc of this movie!!

MISC!!!:

These are dramas !!:

Parasite - Just watch it if u haven't. Everyone says you should watch it and they're RIGHT !!!

The Devils - I love horny church stuff so much

Let the Right One In - fucking loved this one. Freezing cold, very pretty AND probably the best vamp movie I've ever seen. Though I haven't seen a lot

Girl, Interrupted - insane behavior from the girls here but they're literally in a psych ward so who cares

These r good but I don't remember them much SOB:

The Eyes Of My Mother - this one gets called slow/boring a lot but I really don't gaf I still liked it

Wolf Creek 1 + 2

The Descent

Phenomena - The 1st game of the Clock Tower series was based on/inspired by this movie! Nothing else 2 say I just think it's cool lol

American Mary

A Clockwork Orange - I watched this nearly an entire decade ago but it goes here because of the fact that sometimes I still hear that dumb cunt Alex DeLarge go "I've suffered, and I've suffered, and I've suffered!" inside my head a lot. Also I have to mention that he did look good beaten up despite everything going on w/ him.

[milkycarnations]

Not really a request, more just asking a question/your opinion but What do you think all the pastas kinks are? Brian’s gotta be a voyeur, imo- he’s constantly got that video camera with him 👀

Sure thing, anon. You ask, I offer. As always under the cut.

I actually wrote something similar a while back which I'll link here. This was still before I really started writing smut, so now I'm a little more prepared >:).

Creeps Kink Headcanons

Listen I've got the huge brain rot for my boys.

Brian does have... something going on. He's definitely a voyeur and voyeurism is a gateway kink for risky sex. Sex in the woods? Yes, please. Being just a little bit too loud? He does that to you. This man commits horrible crimes daily, so it isn't surprising that he enjoys feeling vulnerable sometimes during sex. Getting caught just gives him that spicy feeling inside.

Jeff also likes that spice, but he's unhinged as fuck. I expect him to be more heavily into the BDSM scene, with an emphasis on S&M. He likes playing around with pain and pleasure. He likes that he can hurt you and you like it. But don't get it twisted, he's an aftercare king.

Toby likes dirty talk. In English, in German, in whatever languages you headcanon he speaks. He wants to hear you, and himself, and how flustered you get at the things he says.

I've always been convinced that Ben likes anal. He is very porn addicted though and enjoys phone sex (among other things) more than real sex sometimes. If you dislike the touchy-feely intimacy parts of sex, then the two of you will get along well. He is also an expert in taking good, tasteful nudes of himself.

Jack loves turning you into putty in his hands. He enjoys restraining you with bondage or his own body. Mans is almost 7 feet tall, so you're bound to be shorter than him and smaller in stature. He likes manhandling you, but he's always holding back. He also can't resist the primal urge to breed you, but that's a whole other story.

Liu is a true "quality time" lover at heart. He enjoys mutual masturbation: being able to watch you make yourself come undone. He especially likes when part of your arm or leg rubs against his. It's the little things for him.

Tim is into the dynamics of subbing/domming. He easily enjoys daddy-dom stuff as well as impact play - mostly spanking. Overall, he enjoys topping most of the time and being in control of you. It's similar to Jeff in theory, but his attitude and tone about it are different and it isn't all about pain for him.

[frenziedslashers]

ooooh could we get some SFW and/or NSFW headcanons for Tim? maybe with an S/O who's also very anxious?

Heck yeah, I can do that, homie! I did both SFW and NSFW headcanons, the NSFW is further down 😌💙💚 I hope that this is what you were looking for haha!

Timothy Lawrence headcanons with an equally anxious S/O:

SFW

Timothy has a lot on his plate, being one of Jacks last doppelgängers he's in over his head. He misses his old body, his old hobbies, his mom, he misses his old life. Especially now since he's got to pretend to be someone he's not. Which is extra hard when you come into the picture.

Being Jack's doppelgänger, he never assumed that he would end up in a relationship. He thought that was an unattainable dream of his past, but here you were.

You being anxious only made him more nervous to talk to you. He's always worried he might say the wrong thing and scare you off, and really. He doesn't want to scare you off, not anytime soon at least.

When you finally get him to stop acting like Jack you start to realize how nervous he really is, plus how sweet he really is. He may look like Jack, but he's nothing like the douche bag.

"I used to have freckles, you know?" He tells you one night when you're near a mid-panic attack over something. "I had a lot of them, actually. I used to sound and look like such a loser," he rambles on, fidgeting with his hands while he tries to distract you. "Tim, I'm sure you looked and sounded a lot better than Jack." He'd remember that. He wasn't quite sure whether to take it as a compliment or not either. "Does that mean you won't get a drink with me, if I were to ask of course? I mean, you seem like you need a drink." "Like as a date?" He'd get a little nervous, worried he might be making your anxiety worse. "Well, if you want?" "I'd like that."

I really don't think Tim would know what to do in a relationship too much. He knows the basics, and he tries his best, but he gets so worried that you'll end up hating him for the stuff he's had to do and the face that he wears everyday. He knows he hates it, at least.

He'd do everything in his power to please you, though. He's a people pleaser, and you're the person he wants to please most. He takes any suggestion you give him to better your guys relationship. He's an accommodator, even if he is losing in a situation, he'd rather see you happy at the end of the day.

NSFW

Timothy mentioned somewhere that he was in a porno, so I don't think he's completely oblivious when it comes to having and initiating sex. Well, at least having it, he might be a little awkward and anxious when it comes to initiating.

He tries to act all big and tough, but really he's internally screaming when your guy's make out session becomes something a little more. I mean, he's not used to anyone liking him enough to sleep with him. He's more so used to people wanting to sleep with him because they think he's Jack.

He slowly gets the hang of it, and like how he treats your relationship, he accommodates for you in bed as well. He makes sure you're feeling just as good as you are. He might as a few awkward questions, and just tell you to show him what you like, but he tries to do it in a way that doesn't make you too anxious. He may be nervous, but he doesn't want to ruin this chance with you.

He finds out he's a switch while he's with you. If you're willing to take the lead he's allowing you to with no questions asked. He rather likes being taken care of by you.

He also ends up being a praise king, along with being the nosiest guy you could imagine when he's feeling especially good. Which is nearly every time you guys have sex. He's whimpering, muttering, groaning, panting, praising, you name it. He just can't hold any of it back from you, you just make him feel so good and loved.

don't even think of bringing degradation into bed with this man. He can't handle it. He feels super insecure about himself, the last thing he needs is you saying something that would feed his anxiety. He'd also never degrade you. He knows how anxious and worried you can be about your own appearance. If anything he just reassures you about how beautiful and handsome you are. He loves everything about you.

I personally think that once he gets past his anxiety and nerves about initiating sex with you, he's all over you anytime the two of you have a bit of alone time. He just loves making you feel good, whether it's his head between your thighs, or your body pressed up against his. He's all over you the moment he realizes you're not going to laugh in his face and call him names.

If you are particularly anxious about sex though, he's there to reassure you that everything alright. He's figuring out a sefeword with you in case you need to stop. If you're insecure and you want to keep you're shirt on you can do that. If you want to stop or you decide you just want to kiss and be held, he's hitting the brakes and doing what makes you most uncomfortable. He'd never take advantage of you and he knows how it feels to be anxious and unable to say what you want or need. So he makes sure that you know you can tell him anything. Whether it be that he's making you uncomfortable in any way, or that he's doing something wrong.

[dear-ao3]

montreal! filled with groundhogs, rain, and *checks notes* mercedes not absolutely sucking ???? hm. that wasn't on my bingo board. today is wednesday, june 19, and as long as tumblr lets me continue to update this post, lets get into it.

first of all. on account of the fact that this post is late. like a lot late. and were about to head into a triple header weekend. we are speed running this. as in right now its 11:27pm on 6/18 and i'll be damned if this thing doesnt get posted before i go to bed. (usually i take 3 days to write this). so hop in. hold onto your hats. its gonna be fast.

-the week started off with an absolute bang. what kind of bang? an estie bestie bang:

-kind of unclear whether or not this was at all related to the events of monaco, or if this was in the works for awhile and they just decided to announce it now. either way, weird timing.

-so who will be replacing him? as usual, we have absolutely no idea. alpine have aparently been in talks with both jack doohan and mick schumacher though. jack was also announced (pretty late i might add) that he was going to be driving in practice 1 in Canada. (unfortunately practice 1 ended up being pretty much a shit show but more on that later). mick's name has come up a few times recently as a possibility for a new driver, both at mercedes and at alpine. hes currently the mercedes reserve driver but he races for alpines endurance team (he did le mans this weekend and was serving cunt until the car aparently lit on fire, or so i was told idk i dont really know that much about le mans)

-the next day another announcement was made. by red bull. it said to stay tuned.

-it meant nothing. they re-signed checo for 2 more years.

-jumping away from the sillies of silly season we have the sillies of the week

-oscar, charles and the other lecercs continued to be legends on twitter and keep up the adoption thing:

-oscar also schemed how he was going to make canada his home race as well. i dont think that he succeeded.

-aside from that. valtteri drove a zamboni

-lance did the most canadian thing in the world and did promo with tim hortons

-speaking of strolls, lawrence stroll (lances father and owner of the entirety of aston martin) is aparently unhappy with the teams performance and wants to figure out what they can do better

-they also announced the new car regulations for 2026. theres a lot to unpack there and you can read a condensed version of it here on f1's instagram if you want. or google it. but essentially the cars are getting smaller again and they are getting rid of drs. which is great if youre a woman because now men need to come up with another way to ask women to prove their knowledge about f1 (since they cant ask "what does drs mean?" anymore) (it means drag reduction system ok now get out of my house) or oscar piastri who has been in a toxic relationship with drs for awhile:

-zak brown continued his tradition and finally got the tattoo of the miami circuit to celebrate landos win

-danny rics put maple syrup on his helmet, it was actually kind of a slay. well. a slay to everyone except jacques villeneuve who basically said that non canadians should not touch maple syrup. he had other things to say about danny rics but we will get there later

-oscar also decided to shit on alpine once again at the press conference saying "knowing you can fight for a win is a bit nicer than you know trying to fight for a point" and how did we know this was a dig at alpine? well he apologized to pierre after

-pierre was asked what he thought about esteban as a teammate. it took him a shocking amount of time to come up with an answer

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-moving onto practice 1

-it rained. quite a lot.

-practice got red flagged because of the rain but the clock was still running which meant they were all just kinda sitting in the garages doing basically nothing. kicking their feet actually in the case of mclaren. but it gave people like jacques villeneuve time to shit talk people

-i dont know too much about jacques, he's from canada and was the 1997 world champion. he also looked vaguely like a a backstreet boy and dylan O'Brien when he was driving

-aparently he just says bonkers shit and gets paid to do it. kinda like nico but with less class and more sass. this weekend his main target was danny rics. he said during practice 1 that: “Why is he still in F1?We’re hearing the same thing now for the last four, five years — we have to make it better for him, poor him. It’s been five years of that. Sorry, no, you’re in F1. Maybe you make that effort for Lewis Hamilton, who’s won multiple championships. You don’t make that effort for a driver that can’t cut it. Can’t cut it? Go home, there’s someone else who can take your place.”

-aside from that pile of sass, we also had speculation that kevin magnussen is not going to get resigned after his monaco disaster crash and everything else this season, we had speculation about kimi to merc for the millionth time and more speculation that carlos is either going to williams or audi. stand stuff, fork found in kitchen

-since the red flag for the rain lasted so long, and zhou ended up crashing and causing another red flag, practice where people were on the track was very short and jack doohan who was doing a practice session for alpine, did not get to set a timed lap and only did 2 laps total. he does not get a do over for this practice session.

-also. lando took one of his infamous red flag naps:

-why is this infamous? well because of the original nap that he took during the red flag during spa 2021 and the commentary that crofty said over it (admittedly this was the day after a really big crash that he had but thats neither here nor there, left right nor center):

-the cars that did make it out on track kinda went slip slide everywhere

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-there were also ground hogs. but there are usually ground hogs in canada its part of the charm.

-i didnt watch practice 2 or 3 cause i was busy. but max had at least a few problems:

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-qualifying. another thing that i did not watch. because i was in the middle of nowhere driving through Pennsylvania. so i found out all of this via the family group chat when my cell phone decided to have service.

-it was announced that yuki re-signed with vcarb for 2025. this is great news for yuki who is becoming a hot commodity as a driver and there was even talk that he may get bought out by another team for 2026 if he continues to serve as he is now. this also means liam lawson is running out of options.

-anyway lets get a rundown of the starting positions:

-p20: zhou. no surprise.

-p19: nico. somewhat of a surprise cause he usually gets a little higher than that.

-p18: Esteban. normal. he also had a 5 place grid penalty from monaco.

-p17: valtteri. also normal.

-p16: checo. second week in a row that he was out in q1. and right after they announced that he was re-signed at red bull. it seems that history is repeating itself here with him. i wonder if he gave us a proper disaster class during the race.

-p15. pierre. again normal

-p14. k mags. mhm normal

-p13. LOGAN HUNTER SARGEANT. for the first time this year he made it through to q2 hot diggity dog! he has still not out qualified his teammate alex albon but he has out qualified checo 6 times in his career in f1 (which i believe is 30 races)

p12. carlos. ariana what are you doing here. it would seem the ferrari disaster is back.

p11. charles. thats right both ferraris were out in q2. utterly insane. seems the monaco bad luck caught up a week late. ollie bearman's live reaction was insane

-p10. alex. a williams slay. second q3 appearance of the year

-p9. lance. standard.

-p8. yuki. happy to see him in q3 but i think everyone was expecting for him to be a little higher.

-p7. lewis. disappointing after having p1 in practice 3 but unfortunately average for him this year.

-p6. fernando. nice good.

-p5. daniel. really stuck it to jacques telling him that he should retire with that one. he later said “I still don’t know what he said, but I heard he’s been talking shit but he always does. I think he’s hit his head a few too many times, I don’t know if he plays ice hockey or something.”

-p4. oscar. good.

-p3. lando. good.

-p2. max. hey wait a second...?

-p1. george russell??? ariana what are you DOING HERE????

-the wildest part of this was that max and george actually tied for pole position, but george got it because he set the lap time first. but! was this to be the start of merc getting their shit together? had they finally done it???!! i dont know! but george did bring back the 2023 f1 intro pose which everyone memed to hell and did on top of his car:

-onto the race

-first oscar had funny commentary about the driver's parade

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-and then they all lined up. lights out. away we fucking go.

-it was a wet start to the race. and stake was starting from the pit lane for some reason or other i dont remember why. both haas cars were starting on full wet tires (more treads) and everyone else was on intermediate tires (less treads but wear better)

-"oh canada!" crofty said. "what do you have in store for us today!" sheer chaos. that was what was in store.

-haas managed to slay. like an absolutely inordinate amount. like on lap 5 k mags was running in 4th (up from 14th) and had the fastest lap and i think nico made it up to 9th, possibly higher. reguardless the wet tires were working for them. you can see how much kevin was slaying here:

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-ferrari was doing the exact opposite of haas. as in they were not slaying. almost immediately charles had some kind of engine problem that did not want to resolve itself.

-by lap four charles was already asking if everything was okay with the engine. it was not. but he was told to keep pushing anyway.

-by lap 7 he asked "how much am i loosing on the straights" "quite a bit" "i dont want this answer when i am asking please tell me" "half a second"

-it was the beginning of the return of the ferrari school of clownery.

-all the while george was leading. and he kept leading until lap 21 when he was passed by lando

-wait by lando

-when did he get into p2

-wait a minute

-oh i see

-lando max and george had been involved in a close battle, all trading fastest lap back and forth to eachother for several laps. lando managed to get past max on lap 20, which was greatly helped by the fact that there was no drs until lap 18 because of the rain.

-sorry guys its 1:10am

-so lando passes george, then max passes george. on lap 22

-by lap 23 lando had managed to get 4.5 seconds ahead of max. which was very good news.

-what was not good news was that it was going to start raining again and everyone on intermediate tires was about to get fucked. which was literally everyone.

-they were just talking about the tire strategy and how much time people were going to lose pitting and hm well it would only be half of that if there was only a safety car!

-and poof! just like magic! a safety car appeared!

-shape of a williams form of logan sargeant on lap 25! i think he tapped into a wall. he was out. the first DNF but definitely not the last.

-everyone pitted. except for lando who pitted later. this would probably come back to bite him later

-lando came out in third behind max and george.

-"what goes around comes around" said gp, max's race engineer. "that's miami back."

-the safety car ended on lap 29.

-charles came into the pits on lap 29 to resolve the engine problem, hopefully. and if you can count on ferrari for one thing its to have a fuck ass tire strategy. so not only did they not fix charles's engine problem, they also decided to put him on hard tires. on a wet track. hard tires are not wet tires. what the hell is going on in the house of commons.

-and then, on lap 32 alex albon made up for the ferrari fuckery by having the most beautiful overtake known to man. a double overtake. on danny rics and esteban ocon. he is in the blue car that goes through the middle. please just watch it.

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-meanwhile, back at the clown factory, ferrari seemed to realize that they had made a tire strategy mistake and pitted charles for intermediaries on lap 33. he also was getting lapped by max on lap 33. yes. charles was running in dead last.

-as the track started to dry, people started to slide around in their intermediate tires, so people started to come into the pits.

-including charles. who pitted on lap 43 to retire his car. he even cheered when they told him they were retiring the car. prior to his retirement charles had expressed his desire to just stop because they were loosing so much time to everyone else. charles later said that "it was hell from the beginning to the end" after the race his press officer tried to coach him on what to say and he told her "ill say what i want" pr menace charles is back

-everyone started to come in for slicks (not wet tires) (not the omegaverse thing) except for lando who stayed out to build a huge gap to max (lando was running in front after max pitted) to hopefully get a free pit stop and still come out ahead of max. and he almost did it. but it didnt work. max passed him.

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-george had caught up with lando and ma as well and now he and george were battling for second. george passed lando on lap 50 for second but he ran wide on lap 51 and lando passed him back.

-a wild toto wolff appeared on george's radio at this moment, sounding a bit like darth vader and telling him to "focus george focus."

-at this time checo decided to continue his disaster class in How Not To Act After You Get A Contract Extension by ramming his rear wing into the wall and then driving back onto the track, littering debris everywhere, because red bull did not want to cause a safety car which would have compromised max's lead. he pulled into the pits and retired. cars are not supposed to drive looking like this

-checo got a 3 place grid penalty for the spanish gp because of this and i believe the team also go a fine.

-also jokes on them because literally on the next lap there was a safety car anyway because of a crash between alex and carlos because carlos spun and ended up taking out alex. both of them retired. thats now five DNFs if youre keeping count

-all that and it might rain again

-lewis pitted for hard tires. this was the start of some merc controversy because later lewis claimed that he did not know that george had been put on mediums and had he known that george had been put on medium he would not have taken the stop for hards.

-the safety car ended with max in front, then lando, oscar and george all practically on top of eachother.

-oscar was given the option to go past lando and try to take the lead from max on lap 63. he did not take it and stayed where he was.

-on the next lap oscar had some contact with george after loosing drs from lando and lewis passed george, taking 4th spot.

-now pay close attention here

-lewis then passed oscar for third on lap 66

-the first time all season he was in the podium spot

-george passed oscar on lap 67 for fourth

-there was a brief yellow flag on lap 67 where yuki spun onto the grass and barely missed getting slammed into by a haas. there were aparently debris on track and lando was begging for a safety car

-george then passed lewis for third on lap 69

-gasly also passed ocon on lap 69, which ocon didnt want to have happen, but he was given team orders. he did eventually concede and let pierre through to try and fight daniel. pierre was not able to and the team did not have the cars swap back. esteban was not happy with this, saying over the radio after the race that "i am too nice, too nice! ive done what i had to do but you yuys didnt do what you had to do" most of his anger was probably because they were both in points positions and since they didnt swap the cars back, pierre got more points than esteban did that Esteban thought that he didnt deserve

-and so, thus the race came to an end.

-max won, followed by lando, george, lewis, oscar, alonso, lance, daniel, pierre, esteban, nico, kevin, valtteri, yuki and zhou.

-max said he had fun, lando said it was chaos, and george said it felt like a missed opportunity. lewis said absolutely nothing about it after pulling up to parc ferme in his car. absolutely brutal to get passed by your teammate on the last lap though.

-mercedes was not done with the weird decisions though

-they tweeted this after the race

-which is odd because you might be remembering that lewis came second in the chinese gp sprint race and did in fact bring home a plaque from that. well. you wouldn't be the only one to remember that because practically every merc fan brought that up, so much that merc had to make a public correction

-this has sparked the opinions that. hm. perhaps lewis is getting fucked over by merc. because how do you forget a whole second place when your car was in fact a shit box at that time???

-aside from that they did actually include landos champagne pop on tv this time. and it was the first time he and george were on the podium together since f2 in 2018

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-so. more silly season speculating.

-carlos aparently has been reportedly offered a four year contract from williams. carlos also has said that aparently every team that has not re signed their drivers yet has offered him something, but he is still unemployed. his contract might be announced next week at his home race

-esetban ocon may go to haas

-merc seems like they want to sign kimi and probably for next year though people think that that might be a bad idea because Yes max verstappen was signed to toro rosso at 17, but that was a junior team to red bull and carlos sainz was his teammate and he was also a rookie. kimi would be jumping into mercedes which is a top 4 team and have george as his teammate who will have been in f1 for 7 years and also be replacing a 7 time world champion. max replaced daniil kyvat. who (sorry) is significantly less well known than sir lewis hamilton. so he could crash and burn

-reguardless, the fia changed the rules so that drivers can get their super license for f1 at age 17, previously it was 18.

-ollie bearman is expected to go to haas

-adrian newey is rumored to have signed with ferrari. fork found in kitchen,

-gunther steiner, the disgraced ex haas team principal, shit on checo (from the monaco week) saying that "you sign a 2 year contract, you qualify 18th and then you crash trying to go from 17th to 16th" thats probably not an exact quote but its pretty close.

-jos verstappen is convinced that red bulls period of dominance is ending, aparently.

-and when asked why mclaren has better form than red bull max said "mclaren have two cars!" scoring points

-lance stroll squashed rumors about alonso being better than him in the funniest way possible by saying that "people say he is super good, and i beat him in the last few weekends. so take it as you want."

-lewis hamilton invited mary mcgee, the first american woman to race motorcycles, as his guest for canada.

-i also forgot to include from last week but lewis was on hot ones and he bashed the mercedes car live on air. its a good one.

-and for the government regulated mclaren update. what are they up to. uh. this.

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thats that! as i said. we've got a triple header coming up, spain, Austria and Britain. and things are already happening. next update will be better. its 2:27am. not bad for three hours, lol. see you all next time.

Sorry i tried to scroll past but, i know nothing about f1 other than max verstappen is fast, my dad doesnt like lewis hamilton, fast car goes in a loop and sometimes expodes. Could you give me a crash course in f1 drama? Im very intrigued. Whats the tea as it were?

a terribly loaded question, but i will do my best. i’ve talked about some of the drama before like the red bull second seat and the chronicles of haas but allow me to briefly try my hand at explaining the nightmare that is the upcoming silly season

under the cut we go

silly season is when the drivers go through contract renewals, extensions and switches. usually it’s confined to the first half of the season (march-july) but it has been known to extend all the way to the last race of the season and they like to switch people around at random sometimes. driver contracts are complex, there’s a lot of money involved and basically You Are The Face Of The Team so if you have a shit season then you make the team look bad. but at the same time you could have a shit season because you have a shit car. it’s sticky stuff.

so. there are only twenty seats in formula 1. 10 teams. each team gets two drivers. (there’s also reserve drivers but we’re not going to get into that). who ends up with a contract is largely up to the teams, they can pull the contract out from under people they can also cut you mid season. they’ve done it before.

of the 20 drivers on the grid, 14 of them have contracts expiring at the end of the year. yes. 14. you see how this could get complicated.

so let’s meet the teams.

red bull racing. they came first this year (and last year) in the championship. like aggressively first. like they won the championship by over 350 points. they are definitely the team to beat. but if you end up with a seat at red bull, you do have to deal with max verstappen being your teammate and he won all but three of the races last year. he’s the golden boy. red bull are also notoriously silly when it comes to contracts and famously swap people mid season who aren’t performing.

mercedes. merc is home to 7 time world champion lewis hamilton and they have won the championship a great many times, though not since 2021. they are kind of in their flop arc and their car the last 2 years has been pretty garbage, but they have still made it work because they were able to come in second last year.

ferrari. god help the poor little meow meows with a ferrari contract. ferrari is a notoriously great team and they’re trying to get back to the top again but their strategy every single time has fallen short. to the point where their drivers are the ones doing the strategy in their cars while driving. they came in third last year and have been decently consistent at getting first in qualifying and then getting beat by max verstappen on race day.

mclaren. they’ve definitely worked their way up over recent years. they ended fourth last year and have had some championship wins before but not nearly as many as say merc and ferrari. their team ceo (owner? director?) is a little interesting and their car started out a pile of flaming hot garbage at the beginning of the year but they did manage to get their shit together.

aston martin. they are owned by canadian billionaire lawrence stroll, father of lance stroll (one of the drivers for the team). they’ve undergone several name changes over the recent years (force india, racing point, etc). they positively slayed at the start of the season and then one day they sucked. they finished fifth in the championship.

alpine. the frenchest french team. they’re (i think?) still partially owned by the french government. both of their drivers are french. (their drivers also hate eachother but we’ll get to that. just know they’re in the middle of a modern french civil war). they had the opportunity to have a good rookie driver (oscar piastri) this past year but in a thrilling twitter battle, he publically flamed the shit out of them and went to mclaren instead (and slayed). they're usually solidly middle of the pack. they ended sixth in the championship.

williams. williams has been one of the back of the grid teams for the last many years but they have finally started to get their shit together and don’t quite suck as much as they used to. all of the points this year were scored by only one driver though (except one but we’ll get there). they came in seventh.

alpha tauri. they are the sister team of red bull. so technically redbull owns both teams (meaning they can swap drivers between teams. they like doing this.) they’ve just kind of been There for awhile but they did slay towards the end of the season when one of their drivers led the race for several laps. basically tho, this team is the gateway to redbull. they came in eighth.

alpha romeo. recently renamed to stake f1 team (but sometimes they are going to be called kick sauber. this is a whole other drama post and i’m not getting into it). they’re also just kind of there. generally unproblematic. seems that really great drivers who get ixed out of a contract for a younger driver end up here or young drivers who are in their early years are here before they go to a better team. they ended ninth this year.

haas. oh haas. goofy team. they suck. point blank they suck. they keep loosing sponsors because they suck, they don’t win ever (one time they came first in qualifying last year). they cursed themselves in australia in 2018 by not tightening their tires and its been downhill ever since. they came 10th. their team principle got let go (fired?) who’s to say today.

so those are the teams. it is important to note that:

-there is a cost cap. each team is allowed to spend no more than 135m per year.

-not all cars are equal. some things are standard. they all undergo the same testing. but the cars are all very different. so you can be a good driver but stuck in a shitty car. which makes it impressive if you are doing well in a shitty car.

let’s meet our drivers!!!

starting with the guys who’s contract is not ending in 2024:

max verstappen. 3 time world champion. 26 years old. general beast on the track. he dominated the whole season. he’s currently racing for red bull and has a contract with them through 2028.

lewis hamilton. 7 time world champion. 39 years old. he drives for mercedes. he will not leave mercedes until he retires. he really really wants to win an 8th world championship and is willing to stick it out a few more years as long as merc still believes in him. his contract expires in 2025.

george russell. the other merc driver. 26 years old. hes aggressively british and says thinks like blimey unironically. walking meme. got his merc seat in 2022 right when they entered their flop arc by getting his tractor of a williams to finish second in qualifying in the middle of a rainstorm. his contract expires in 2025.

lando norris. mclaren driver. 24 years old. he has notably never won a race in his five years of formula one (mostly because right when his car finally was good enough max verstappen was 20 seconds ahead of anyone) but he is regarded as Very Good. he has only ever driven for mclaren. and even though there is another year left on his contract there is mass speculation that he will not renew his contract with mclaren after it expires and he may move up to one of the top teams (red bull, merc, ferrari) (tho i think he doesnt hate himself quite enough to go to ferrari). his contract expires in 2025.

oscar piastri. the other mclaren driver. 22 years old. this was his rookie season and he positively slayed. like people compared his rookie season to lewis hamiltons rookie season. he also had the positively funniest start to his rookie year because alpine announced that he would be driving for them (he had been their reserve driver and in the alpine academy) and he posted a tweet that basically said yeah thats false i never singed anything with you and im going to race with mclaren instead (he dodged a bullet) and then alpine tried and failed to sue him for $4m USD. he signed a contract extension with mclaren this year and his contract expires in 2026.

lance stroll. aston martin driver and son of the aston martin owner. hes doing ok, tho there was conspiracy that he wanted to quit and have a tennis career awhile ago. but basically since his dad owns the team it seems that hes guaranteed a seat for as long as he wants one.

so now. moving onto the good shit. the people who have contracts expiring in 2024. hold onto your hats people.

charles leclerc. (everyones favorite slutty little soup can). 26 years old. he is currently at ferrari and he has been since 2019. notably, he was given the longest contract in the history of ferrari after a stellar rookie season at sauber (renamed to alpha romeo, renamed to stake f1) where he got the tractor of a car consistently into the points. having the longest contract in the history of ferrari was a flex at the time, but now its likely how he will introduce himself at therapy sessions. ferrari have fucked this man left right and center up the ass with a plastic lunchroom spork. hes talented, he can drive, and he can drive well. but the strategy that ferrari has absolutely sucks. either something is wrong with the car (see him blowing out his gear box on the formation lap in monaco, his car completely crapping out and spinning into the barrier in brazil before the race even started) or they fuck up his pit stops or put him on the wrong tires and honestly its just frustrating. but will he leave??? likely not. you'd have to pry ferrari out of his cold dead hands and at this rate that might be where this is headed though there has been some minor speculation of him going to another team like merc or red bull, but merc doesnt have any open seats and red bull is a whole other dumpster fire of drama. ferrari are going to have to pay him a boatload of money to make him stay.

carlos sainz. the smooth operator. 29 years old. ferrari driver. previously carlos was at toro rosso (renamed to alpha tauri), renault (renamed to alpine), and mclaren before signing with ferrari. he has been at ferrari since 2021 and has voiced that he would like to stay with them for however long he can. there is speculation that lando might replace him at ferrari (but landos contract is not up until 2025) and there is also some speculation that alex albon might replace him. while charles is clearly the golden boy at ferrari, carlos is slightly slower but also definitely consistent. he was THE ONLY non red bull driver to win a race this past year, in Singapore after max verstappedn was knocked out of qualifying by alpha tauri reserve driver liam lawson (more on him later) and because he basically came up with his own strategy in the car while he was driving.

sergio perez. aka checo. red bull driver. 33 years old. and oh boy here's where we open the can of worms. checo was previously at racing point (renamed aston martin) and it was very near the end of the 2020 (?) season and he was out of a contract. he had a bonkers race where he was knocked to the back of the grid and then overtook everyone and somehow ended up winning (there is more to that story but just trust me) and christian horner, red bull team principle, mr ginger spice and definite disney villain called him and said congrats sir you have a seat at red bull! well. fast forward. hes been causing problems. problems as in crashing a lot, generally not doing great and pissing the crap out of red bull. it is basically guaranteed at this point that he will not be getting a contract extension. there was actually talk this year of him losing his seat mid season to one of the alpha tauri drivers, because remember, red bull owns both teams and they can switch them whenever they want to (and they have!) but ultimately this did not happen. even though checo has a seat at red bull until the end of 2024, its mass speculated that he is going to get switched with an alpha tauri driver, probably daniel ricciardo (more on him shortly) mid season because there is a speculated clause in daniels contract that says that if checo isn't performing well in the first few races daniel is getting his seat.

daniel ricciardo. 34 years old. alpha tauri driver. man oh man what a guy. outside of being the prankster of the paddock, he has one of the most batshit careers of anyone currently on the grid. he started out at red bull and was showing real talent and skill and was on track to win things (and was!) and was there until the end of 2018 when max verstappen (his teammate) started getting preferential treatment and also red bull started having a lot of problems with their engines (which were being outsourced from Renault (now alpine) and another team on the grid) and well very very long story short he made the surprise move of the century and decided to sign with Renault (which makes no sense they're the one with the engine problems) and was there for 2 years before moving again to mclaren where he was reportedly not treated very well and had a hard time driving the car so they mutually ended his contract with them early and he basically retired at the end of the 2022 season and became a red bull reserve driver. then halfway through the 2023 season alpha tauri ixed one of their drivers, nyck de vries, because he wasnt doing well and promoted daniel back up to a full time driver at alpha tauri (which we know is only a step down from red bull) but then he broke his hand in a crash in zanvort (?) and then he was replaced for a few races by formula 2 driver liam lawson (who we will also talk about) and then he came back to finish out the season in alpha tauri after he was cleared. daniel has admitted openly that he never should have left red bull and he was given bad advice to do so. hes towards the end of his career at this point and its well known that he Really Really wants to finish out his career at red bull again. he and max have already been teammates before and they do work well together and daniel is great driver (see his comeback in texas (or maybe it was brazil?) this year). so. Pretty Sure that daniels going to get either an extension at alpha tauri or go up to red bull. thats what we all want. get this man in a red bull we need him there biblically.

liam lawson. now technically liam is not actually a formula 1 driver. hes a formula 2 driver, but he was daniels replacement for five races and there has been some speculation and some confirmed news about him so hes getting included. when he was racing for f1 he was at alpha tauri. hes 21 and looks like he belongs in the movie grease. no one was expecting him to slay in formula 1 and he positively knocked everyones socks off. the scene: Singapore. which, if you'll recall, is the one race that a not red bull driver won. this was largely because liam lawson slayed the absolute game in qualifying. the qualifying part of racing determines what order the cars start in on the grid for the race and theres three parts, the first two parts the bottom 5 drivers each time get knocked out and then the top 10 complete for the last 10 spots. liam lawson knocked BOTH max verstappen and checo perez out of qualifying in the second round by going very slightly faster than them, effectively fucking up red bulls race and allowing carlos to win. and he also scored points in that race, which no one was expecting. now thats all fine and dandy, but here's the speculation: hemlut marko (im pretty sure) (who is somehow decently involved in the decision making at red bull though i couldn't tell you how) said that he thinks that liam lawson will be in an f1 seat no later than 2025. meaning that he will probably get offered a contract this year. and hes already raced for alpha tauri. red bull have sunk a good amount of money into him. they clearly want him. so if he gets offered an alpha tauri seat in 2025, that means theres a good chance danny rics is going to red bull. do you SEE how the plot here is THICKENED

yuki tsunoda. age 23. currently at alpha tauri. and fun fact, the only alpha tauri driver to race there the whole year. he had three separate team mates. he is slaying and hes often slept on. he has a bit of a temper and likes to shout on the radio and also hates working out (they had to force him to move to italy or something to work out, long story) but hes been kinda killing it. he led several laps in the abu dhabi race this year and hes decently consistent. people think theres possibility that he could get moved up to red bull on account of the fact that he is younger than daniel and clearly has more years in him,, but there is also possibility that he might not because red bull like to make stupid decisions. and if he doesnt get moved up to rebel, will he stay with alpha tauri? we don't know.

alex albon. age 27. currently a williams driver. alex albon is another one with a batshit career. he started out his rookie year in 2019 at alpha tauri then got moved up to red bull halfway through the year when red bull decided that pierre gasley wasnt doing a good enough job (more on him later) and stayed with red bull for a solid year and a half until he lost his seat in 2021 to checo. he has been with williams for the last two years and is basically carrying the team. like. williams as a team scored 28 points this year. and alex albon scored 27 of those 28 points. and as we know, williams is still kind of in their shit arc (though they are doing much better. they didnt score any points for a solid 2 (?) years. so this is an improvement.) and if you can get a shit car to perform you catch the eye of bigger teams. now, alex has already been a red bull driver. and he was on the cusp of podiuming two separate times when lewis hamilton ran into him. this (among a few other things) basically killed his chances at getting resigned at red bull because he wasnt ""performing"" and red bull are bitches who love to win. but some people think that red bull should give him another shot. like daniel, hes already been max's teammate and he can definitely drive. but theres also talk he might go to ferrari because ferrari think that he might compliment charles's driving style (or something). but going to ferrari at this point is kind of suicide. so.

logan sergeant. age 23. the only american on the grid. the other williams driver. he just finished his rookie year. he scored a grand total of one single point this season, in texas, and it was because charles leclerc and lewis hamilton both got disqualified because the floor of their car had more wear (by literally less than millimeters) than it was allowed to, bumping him up from 12th to 10th. he has never done better than alex albon. he was also the very last driver to get a contract for 2024, with williams waiting until i think december of 2023 to announce his contract extension. clearly, hes on thin ice. but people have also said that he needs time to get used to formula 1 (other people have pointed out that oscar piastri slayed his rookie season this year and this statement about needing time is largely false). where logan ends up next year though will largely depend on how well the 2024 season goes for him.

fernando alonso. 42 years old. many people like to point out that oscar piastri is actually younger than fernando's racing career. he won tiktok creator of the year (somehow) and is also a 2 time world champion. he retired a few years ago, just to show back up again and slay. during the first half of the season when aston martin had a zoom zoom car he killed it, and then they had problems on top of problems and he didnt do well. except for that one race in brazil where he came in third, beating checo by literally .05 seconds. he hasn't really made any hints about retiring a second time and he is kind of carrying aston Martin right now (he scored 205 points this season, coming in 4th and tying in points with charles leclerc, lance stroll only scored 74 points this year.) and they did have their best year yet this year. (though they are relatively new).

pierre gasley. 27 years old. french. drives for alpine. the french team. previously he raced with toro rosso (now alpha tauri), then got promoted to a red bull driver in 2019, then halfway through the season they decided he wasnt doing a good enough job and he got demoted back down to alpha tauri. then he won a race with alpha tauri just to stick it to red bull. after the great oscar piastri contract twitter war, he was signed as alpines second driver, with Esteban ocon being the other driver (more on him soon). estie bestie and pierre (both french) were childhood friends and now hate each other for unknown reasons and basically feuded on the track for most of the season. french civil war at alpine. he scored 62 points in 2023 and came in 11th. not really sure where he will end up, it is possible that he will stick it out at alpine.

esteban ocon. 27 years old. also french. currently driving for alpine. another one with a silly bonkers career. he started out at force india and had a baller few seasons there but his teammate at the time was checo, and checo didnt really cooperate with him too much and caused some drama that cost estie bestie some places and some points. max verstappen also beat him up in the garage once. thats not really relevant but it did happen. anyway, after the owner of force india was arrested for .... i don't remember what maybe it was embezzlement or bankruptcy or something money related, the team was backed by lawrence stroll and became racing point. but all of that happened mid season and lawrence was basically like look ill back you guys for now but next year my son gets a seat (lance) so one of you two (checo and estie bestie) have to go. and ultimately they let estie bestie go even though he was more consistent because checo had more sponsors and they needed money. so he was out of formula 1 for a few years (but was a merc reserve driver) and then went to Renault, which then became alpine. he did come in 12th though overall this season, just behind pierre. so. will alpine keep both him and pierre and keep the civil war going? whos to say.

nico hulkenberg. 36 years old. haas driver. in his 200+ f1 races he has never been on the podium and he really really wants to be on the podium. unfortunately this will never happen in a haas because haas fucking sucks. and everyone knows it. he is getting towards the end of his career though. though! stake f1 will become the mario Andretti and audi team in 2026 (don't question it) and they have supposedly voiced interest in nico. so we will see if he hangs on that long to end up at audi. for now tough, hes definitely hating it at haas. though, haas are going to have a different team principle next year so maybe that will change things. i have a sneaky feeling through that haas will probably end up with another 2 rookie drivers because everyone else is smart enough to not race for them.

kevin magnussen. 31 years old. haas driver. hes another deeply interesting character. he has had one podium. in his rookie season. in his first race. and none since. kevin started at haas in 2017 and then left at then end of 2020 when he basically got kicked off because the team needed money and they wanted to bring in drivers with more sponsorships. these drivers were mick schumacher and nikita mazepin. so kevin basically was forced to retire after the 2020 season. this went decently well for haas. until russia invaded ukraine right before the start of the 2022 season and, well, nikita was Russian and it was never distinctly proven that his dads company (who was sponsoring the team) wasnt also funding the invasion. so nikita got fired and they were literally like 2 weeks out from the start of the season, down a driver. who are you gonna call? kevin magnussen! and hes been back ever since. but hes clearly getting annoyed with haas. there was one great clip from this year where his car caught on fire and he kind of just stared into to, clearly hoping it would burn for a long time. so the likelihood of him extending his contract is looking slim.

valtteri bottas. 34 years old. currently a driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo, kick sauber, whatever you wanna call it). previously, he was a mercedes driver and notoriously helped lewis hamilton win a great many championships, until he lost his seat to george russell in 2022. there was a rather awkward part of the 2021 season where valtteri knew that he was out of a merc seat the following year and kind of just chose violence. he slayed. then he went to alpha romeo, grew a mullet and made a calendar of his ass. quite the glow up if you ask me. hes also very interested in cycling. honestly though, i have my own personal speculation that hes going to retire at the end of this year.

zhou guanyu. 24 years old. driver for stake f1 (alpha romeo/kick sauber, etc etc). hes doing alright. he just finished his second season, in his first season he was majorly out qualified by valtteri but this past season he managed to out qualify him a good 6 times. which is decently good for the tractor of a car hes driving. its possible that he could get a contract extension, but like logan, its probably going to depend on how the 2024 season goes for him.

and thats all the drivers. theres also a few others i didnt talk about, like some other f2 drivers who want seats and mick schumacher, who is currently a merc reserve driver, all of which could be contenders for f1 seats. but one things for sure. this is going to be the silliest fucking silly season.

feel free to add on and peer review me

[slenderman-apologist]

Tim, Ej, Lj, Toby and Slender with a teen y/n who just got braces (platonic)

is this self indulgent?

Yes, what are you gonna do about it?

Tim:

He has no idea what to do but he is trying his best to help

He will take you grocery shopping with him and has you choose some soft food so it doesen't hurt to eat it

He offers to give you some pain meds if you complain enough about it

If you speak a bit funny since you are not used to literal metal in your mouth, there is no chance he will make fun of you

(would probs tell the others who would to shut up too)

If he sees you picking it he will tell you to stop but won't do much about it

All in all p good 8/10

Eyeless Jack

Literally the best person you could go to with this issue

Thanks to his huge medical knowledge (and intense research from the moment he heard you will be getting braces) he gets you all the supplies and stuff you could need for the lil thing you will be living with for a few years

While he won't cook for you or go out to buy soft food for you, he will tell the days cook what to make so you can eat it with no truble

I swear do NOT pick at them around him, he will grab your hand and make you listen to a lecture on how bad of a habit is picking on your braces, and then go into dental health stuff and you will never escape

He may be a bit annoying about it but he really does want the best for you

Overall nice 7/10

Laughing Jack

Yeah no.

You will need to explain to him what braces are sorry

This clown man is oldddd there weren't any stuff like that in his time

He will be intrested in the topic of it tho-

"WHAT ARE THOSE Y/N??? What do you mean your toothbrushes? You don't need three of those silly! Oh you do- OKAY THEN"

He will not understand why you can't eat the soft candy he gives you but he will just give you something else

He's determinded to find sweets you can eat

Propably will make fun of how you talk but if you express it hurts you he wil stop

Overall not helpful but lightens the mood anyways 7/10

"Ticci" Toby

He will "test" any and all food for you by biting down half of it and act innocent when you call him out on it

He will propably go ask either Slender or Jack on how he can help you

While he can't buy you supplies, he will steal buy some soft food for you that he thinks you will like

He will make a few ligthearted jokes about your accent but never gets seriously mean about it

Probs will mentally destroy anyone who does too

If he sees you picking at it he will ask if it hurts and will try to get your mind off of it by talking to you ab random stuff

If you ask him to he will get you some pain meds ofc

Don't we love some big brother energy? 9/10

Slenderman

Definitely the most helpful, hands down (no suprise here)

He doesen't buy you food- no

He makes it himself, it's not only soft and not painful to eat it's also delicious

Let's be honest here. It was him who took you to the appointment.

He was just looming over you and the two doctors the whole time making sure nothing bad happens.(not like anything would dw)

Once you are out of the doctors appointment he takes you back to the manor and tells you every possible info you need to know when dealing with braces.

I still don't recomment picking them around him.He will legit slap your hand away and tell you to stop and then go back to whatever he was doing like nothing happened.

All in all best one in here 10/10 love him a lot.

[scorpionyx9621]

Should You Fight the Batboys

In general

No

These dudes are literally trained in multiple forms of martial arts and can/have/will kill again if you piss them off just right.

But you're reading this post. So here we are, discussing the fact that I'm analyzing the anger and rage and fighting of these beautiful boys. Here we go.

Dick Grayson

Dick honestly is probably one of the most cool and collected of the family in terms of facing harassment and people try to fight him with words. Boy can shrug off a lot.

That being said, when he does snap, he goes from zero to Krakatoa in like 2 seconds.

Remember, this is the man who mauled the Joker to death with his bare hands when he thought the joker killed Tim.

The way I see it visualized? Hugh Jackman in the movie Prisoners during this scene. Trigger warning: Violence, blood, and Hugh Jackman screaming at people and breaking things (but hey some people are into that.)

Dick isn't cruel. But he will make sure you live to fear him and his wrath. I'm talking screaming in your face and breaking shit around you.

If you're just someone who doesn't have any clue who he is and you seem like a civie, he'd rather try to de-escalate the situation and talk. If you're physically threatening him he will respond as such but won't try to hurt you. If you threaten his friends/family... Ho boy..

Again, it's not likely you'll see Dick's true anger. But just remember, there is an alternate universe where Dick becomes a fascist dictator after being pushed too far.

but yeah, Dick knows his strength and his power and he'd much rather try to talk to you/scare you away as opposed to actually fighting you because unless your name is Cassandra Cain, chances are you aren't winning that fight.

Jason Todd

"You've met with a terrible fate, haven't you?"

Surprisingly Jason is a lot more rational than people give him credit for. If he can tell you're someone just trying to pick a fight but you're a civie with no clue to the fact that his kill count is north of 80. He'll try to cut you down with words and insults.

Or he won't. Jason's not necessarily known for his predictability. It all depends on mostly his mood but also the what emotional state he's in at the time.

I certainly would not recommend trying to fight this guy. He has abused venom in the past and has been show to be able to literally kick flip BANE on his own. If Jason was angry enough I have no doubt he could either crush your skull with his bare hands ala The Mountain from Game of Thrones (not linking it you look it up) or he can literally crush your skulls with his thighs (what we all want deep down inside.)

Jason's an angry POS on a good day. If you've done something to truly set him off. Jason will hunt you down and make sure you grow a set fear of god before he comes to brutalize you. ("This is hell, and I'm the devil." Jason ~ Injustice 2)

It's hard to tell how Jason will react because of just how unpredictable his nature is. I'd like to think he'd rather try to cut you down with words or insults first, maybe talk you off the ledge if he's feeling really generous, or he could uppercut you/pistol whip you. You gotta roll a saving throw every time you encounter him but automatically have a handicap of negative 3 on a D20.

Overall please don't. It'd be hilarious if you actually tried to fight him, hell pretty sexy even. But there's less harmful ways of getting your ass kicked. I hear Cuphead is rough...

Tim Drake

Now Timberly is interesting. He's the most rational and logical of the Robins. I don't think he'd outright try to fight you even if it can be avoided. Hell, even if you start swinging, he'd rather go for forceful de-escalation.

That being said, when we have seen Tim truly unhinged and angry. It's comparable to Lex Luthor. Ala literally launching friends who betrayed him into space (yes the New 52 is a trip)

Tim internalizes a lot of his feelings and would much rather focus on productive means of anger management and revenge. Aka if you piss him off you better sleep with one eye open but that's still not going to help because he'll create cruel, unreal ways to make you suffer.

Hell even in a physical fight I don't see him rushing out guns blazing. He's much more trying to de-escalate than fight.

Tim also finds it very easy to forgive. But he's not the one to forget. Ever. And he will remember a misstep or an act against him.

Should you fight him? No Tim is still jacked and trained on various martial arts like his brothers. You're likely not going to win. But between the four of them, you're most likely to both survive and win an encounter with Tim.

Damian Wayne-Al Ghoul

Why are you here? Why have you failed so epically in life that Damian is coming for you now? (Granted it's not hard to piss him off. But to make him want to kill you is different)

Again, his bark is a lot worse than his bite solely because Damian will resort to words first, and he has no filter so Damian goes right for the jugular with his words.

That still not enough? You really think you can win against a kid who was literally bred and raises to be an assassin? You're a joke. You aren't a clown, you're the whole damned circus.

Damian isn't necessarily as vengeful as say Jason or Tim, nor is he as explosive as Dick. But Damian does go right for the kill and will do so with a straight face.

Again, if you're just some person looking to fight, he'd rather cut you down with his words as opposed to trying to expend the energy trying to harm you. Should you actively pose a threat, his actions are always decisive and quick.

Things are very black and white for Damian. I don't see him as the one holding grudges or seeking revenge unless you're close to him. It's either you don't matter to him or he just sees you as an obstacle.

[perotovar]

@sp00kymulderr you killing all my men hurt me in my SOUL but i respect your decisions lmao

now i wanna play lets GO

round 1:

F - pero. this man is not the marrying type (as much as i want him to be) but i respect who he is. do i think i'd get a uti from him? probably. it's fine, i have the cranberry juice ready to go anyway.

M - javi! this man would take such good care of you emotionally, monetarily, and sexually. i feel it in my bones. plus i'm a huge movie buff and we'd talk for hours about the cinematography in a two second shot and i would never be bored.

K - dave. this one hurts i'm ngl. i don't think i'd survive in the attempt, but i don't think i could settle down/sleep with someone that could kill me at any moment for literally any reason. sorry, dave 🥲

round 2: this one was HARD and i had to think about it for a good 5 minutes

F - ezra. it would be filthy and i'd love every second of it.

M - oberyn. perhaps a hot take? but like, he may have a lot of kids but he's such a good dad?? like, he loves them so much! and we'd have kinky sex all the time! and he writes poetry! he's romantic! he believes in justice! c'mon now.

K - marcus m. this one huuuurrtttssss. he's such a sweetie and the domesticity kills me (in a good way). i don't have a good reason for putting him here, i'll be honest. maybe oberyn and i could invite him so i can avoid actually killing him? please?

round 3:

F - tim. i don't think his job lends itself to long term commitments and i'm happy to have a one night stand with him. i just know it would be worth it.

M - jack. in my heart of hearts, i know this man just needs a little therapy and we could take care of a homestead together. learning how to do all the stuff from him?? the romance in that?? sign me UP.

K - din. i'm so sorry, baby boy. i know he'd be so sweet, but i just don't feel a pull/connection.

round 4:

F - javier. i don't think i need to explain why but i will say that i don't think long term commitments are for him either. i think he'd like to, one day, but knows deep down it's just not in the cards for him. and at least i know i'd enjoy myself and if it means he gets some relief out of it? hell yeah.

M - dieter. of the three, i think he's the one that wants to settle down the most. he's so soft hearted and sweet but he'd also be a really fun husband, i think. i'd need him to get clean/sober but i think he wants to anyway. love him <3

K - lucien. i hate this lmao but he cannot keep it in his pants and impregnates so many women. the amount of baby mamas i'd have to be aware of?? absolutely not.

round 5:

F - frankie. his situation with his lady is his business but i know that's complicated given... things. if i help him get his mind off those things? i'm down.

M - acacius. this man is such a wife guy and i know i'd be treated so well jfc. taking care of him every night after his stressful ass job?? emotional maturity + attentiveness = sign me tf up.

K - joel. i'm so sorry lmao i love joel. i really, really do. i've loved joel for YEARS. but.......... he's too emotionally constipated for me. there's a lot of (understandable) baggage. if tess were involved, i may reconsider it.

Comment who you’d choose from each round 👀🥵

[incoherentbabblings]

Are there any examples of Tim and Steph dealing with their problems instead of avoiding them or do they always just go it's forgiven to avoid addressing the issue and not addressing their issues is why they aren't fit for each other at the end?

I have to admit I don't really get what you mean, so if I miss the mark here... um. Apologies. And I'm sorry if this reads flippant or sarcastic or rude but... I'm a bit confused by what you mean by 'fit for each other'. Like, according to whom? DC? Folks on the interwebs? Me? Very different answers for those... Do you want me to say it makes sense in universe why things fell apart for them? That they'll never make it work? Like... it's comic books, of course they'll never get a happy ending together. Heck Clark and Lois don't get it half the time and they're the only couple in DC canon that like... actually matter in many ways.

I mean short answer is no. There aren't any moments of meaning, and their conflict is almost always one sided, with one of them very clearly in the wrong over the other. And they don't ever discuss it after so the conflict is always very shallow and dismissable.

But I'm also like... what issues? Do you mean plot points they've taken or like instrinsic character flaws? Tim and Steph don't have a lot of page dedicated to their relationship and their relationship alone because the Robin comic has other priorities, largely bolstering Tim who is the protagonist after all. The lack of communication skills on both ends is at this point a running gag for the pair. Is that what you mean?

They're both conflict avoidant in general. Tim by not acknowledging it at all and letting it simmer and stew and rot and Steph by doing the good old 'run away and ignore' trick until neither of them can ignore it anymore then they tend to face the issue head on. With lots of yelling and blubbering and the occassional piece of violence. Then all is forgiven. They've never had a heart to heart about their relationship because neither character does that sort of thing with anyone. Like it's not just Tim, they're both prone to the good old

Doesn't matter who you pair Tim and Steph up with, they're both clams when it comes to their inner most thoughts and issues.

Bruce won't get it out of Tim, he'd rather delete that email thank you. Jack doesn't get it out of Tim, he'd rather burn that letter thank you. The Titans trying to get Tim to admit he's sad about his dad dying is like... literally hell to read. Steph will run away from home rather than deal with her mom after her dad dies. Steph will slap then run away from Bruce and then be as flippant as possible to downplay any hurt on her part for the way he used her. Steph will not talk to anyone about how sad she is that Cassandra left Gotham with anyone, not even Cassandra. And don't try to get anything out from her about the torture. Nope nope. Not talking or thinking about that today. Or ever.

Part of the fun of shipping them is either playing up their methodology of avoidance until it goes pop or them learning to be more proactive in nipping growing monsters in the bud. There's nothing inherently incompatible regarding the two... it's circumstances igniting and exacerbating a joint flaw they both have? This happens very often in real life for real couples who are in real relationships... Doesn't make them less fit to be a couple. It doesn't help certainly when conflict does arise, but I'm not sure it's the be all end all.

Not fit... Like man I ship Duke and Steph. And I am alone in this world with it I have to say (sob sob). Are they not fit for each other? By whose standards? Not mine clearly. Idk. Seems a bit arbitrary to me.

[undergrounddweller89]

(look you don't have to like this, I'm not expecting anyone to, I just needed to write and if there's the possibility that even one person was hoping I'd write more and enjoys it then that's cool, just don't be a dick about it, it's more house mate au stuff, don't hope for continuity by that I mean it's just all over the place and nothing makes sense , just expect what ever came to my head at the time lol)

Walter was sat at his work table, fiddling with one of his new devices working on to perfect it, no I can't think of anything specific so I'll let you fill in that with your imagination.

The day had been long, his lab assistant Timothy Lawrence (Yea that Timothy if you know him because reasons) had been pretty quiet but done as told so at least that made it easier.

He was tired as the day had gone on his mood had sunk, what was he doing teasing Killian like that, honestly spanking him with the hair brush, he knew some of the things Killian had been up to.

But it was more likely a sign of marking territory or just because he had needs right and it was exciting to do things where you shouldn't.

The blade he was handling slipped and ran across the pad of his index finger, he hissed in pain, seeing the blood smear under the blue latex, pooling to drip, focusing on the red colour he hadn't even noticed Timothy running to fetch the first aid kit.

Pulling his gloves off he discarded them and popped open the box that had been set on the table.

"Thanks Timmy."

Walter smiled a little as he tended to his finger, he hated how the skin felt parting every time he flexed his finger.

Cleaning up and applying what was needed, thankful it wouldn't need stitches.

He wondered what Killian was up to, watching TV, reading maybe, did he eat, did he have enough to drink, was he in a depressive mood, was he mad that hed spanked him, he really should send a message.

Pulling his phone from his lab pocket he texted him.

'Hope you're day has been good, hope you're well, sorry if I upset you this morning.'

He shifted and rubbed a shoulder, he didn't realise how stiff his back had gone, being in charge of a division meant he'd somewhat lost track of self care making sure to do his stretches.

Timothy stood here watching his boss, lot better than the last one, this one was kind and genuine, always looking out for people, honestly Beckett made him feel safe and relaxed, he wasn't looking for anything serious but even he could see that furrowed bow and the lean that spelt hey I'm exhausted let me die.

Walking around and behind him he slowly massaged his shoulders, they were small and rather petite for someone Walter's age but it was more lean muscle and just body build, he just hadn't seen many men like Walter where he'd come from, he was rather pretty.

Walter had considered telling him to stop but when his fingers pressed into that one perfect spot in his shoulder blades he melted, ooooh that just felt so damn good and shit when was the last time he'd had contact, had someone be closer to him...he liked Killian...wondered if they could be more, but he didn't believe for one second that they could be lovers or bed fellows for one moment...not that he wouldn't be interested in finding out but Killian had been there a month, like he wasn't going to make him uncomfortable and feel like that the only way he could stay was if he dated him.

(I keep forgetting times or how many days set shrugs just don't expect like decent continuity, I write these because I need to just write things and moments)

Walter leaned forward arms folded and face buried in them

"Sorry sir, am I doing that badly?"

Timothy's enquired nervously, his hands going still.

"No, please don't stop, I literally didn't realise how stiff I was, you have good hands, I'm just so tired Timothy, I could really use it if you don't mind that is."

"Not at all sir."

Tim smiled happy to know he was helping, yes much nicer than his last boss, Walter was smart but he was also fragile, like him he loved his mother and when he'd heard Walters mother had died when he was small he wanted to scoop him up and just hug him.

A talk with Lance at one point and he'd learned that was a natural reaction for anyone with a heart around Walter who didn't have their head up their ass.

Which had practically been the last tech department Beckett had worked in, that totally wasn't cool that they'd done that to such a brilliant mind, it was so much fun working on items that didn't kill people and actually helped them!

Walter was imagining the fingers loosening the knots in his back were Killian, wondered what that would feel like with those pretty metal claws, but he never forgot it was Timothy, after all Timothy deserved more respect than that.

Looking over his shoulder at him, auburn hair flopping off to one side, Tim's hands on his waist he noticed the subtle blush.

"You wanna go grab some dinner or something in a minute there's a corner café I know, makes steak sandwiches and baked potatoes with a perfect crispy skin, a warm meal sounds pretty nice don't you think?"

Tim in the angle he was in was trying not to think about how suggestive this looked, he would absolutely lean down and kiss Walter if he thought it was an option, it really was a casual thing he felt, but Walter just looked so pretty and like he needed someone to carry him right now.

Continuing to rub his back Timothy nodded

"Yeah that sounds pretty nice actually."

---

At home Killian had found plenty to do, he'd read, watched tv, all in Walters bed of course, just to feel close to him as he could, he did wonder after handling himself, if Walter could see him as anything more than a friend, someone more than a few passing jokes between the other...turning his head and taking in his scent as he buried his face into a pillow again, looking forward to seeing those blue eyes...he should really get out of Walter's bed and get the covers washed.

Beckett brought comfort to his mind after his years of suffering, the sunrise after the storm.

He'd talked to Lovey, wondering if she could understand him, she was surprisingly responsive to his rambling as he worked on his arm, updating the tech and keeping up with maintenence.

Living here with Walter and slowly working past things with Lance and seeing he had genuinely started changes of his own, it made it easier with how Walter talked about him on the job, that he considered all options before violence and discussed the situations with him...it was good to know Beckett had helped Lance to.

He was glad to know Walter's field partner was a good one, though his lab partner, this Timothy Lawrence seemed to be pretty chummy didn't he, he'd seen a picture, thick brown hair, heterochromia eyes, blue and green to be exact and a chiseled jaw, in other words a damn pretty boy and he didn't want him around Walter.

He huffed folding his arms, yes he was jealous he was going to be pouty, before his injury he had thick black hair and had been known to be a very handsome man, now he looked like he'd been put through a grinder when he took off his holo mask and this Timothy Lawrence just had to be Walter's lab partner, he'd be around him alot and-

His phone buzzed, it'd been put on the side table and he read the text that'd come through and there was another one.

'Going out to dinner with Timothy, don't know what time I'll be back, have fun you probably need a break from me anyway lol 😂'

Killian's eye twitched, he nearly threw the damn phone, but how would he explain that, honestly he couldn't, Tristan sighed, shoulders drooping a little and answered his questions

'It's been a relaxing day, did work on the arm, Lovey' s surprisingly easy to talk to, watched a little television but perhaps you could suggest something to watch, it's rather hard deciding with all these options and no Walter you didn't upset me, though you left in a hurry, you do not need to avoid me. You're not a bother. Are you alright?'

'I'm so happy you're warming up to her! That's awesome! Also it's good you have time to relax, ten years of hectic stress you're more than overdue! I...well I was more embarrassed than anything, I reacted on instinct, last boyfriend liked that well that's probably more than you needed to know, but yeah I'll help you pick something to watch see you later!'

Last boyfriend? Spanking, Walter had, he had...Killian shifted well the blankets were starting to tent, the idea of being put over Walters petite lap and being told he was a very bad man came to mind.

He liked it.

A lot.

He looked at his phone as it pinged again.

'And god damn it, make sure you eat something for dinner, don't just go picking out the cupboard!'

Killian snickered and replied

'Yes Daddy, I'll make sure to eat something.'

After sending the text he realised what he'd written and wished he could take back that text, wincing as he managed to look at the response

'Behave, eat dinner or I'll put you over my knee young man.'

Killian stared and stared at that answer, he knew Walter was just teasing but, his cheeks were warm and he was...was he blushing.

----

"You all set to go Timothy?"

Walter smiled, his back was feeling a hundred times better after Timothy had dug into the knots, it wasn't a surprise that he was good with his hands, you had to have nimble ones to work with the tech they used here.

"Yeah, just coming boss!"

He pulled his satchel over his shoulder after pulling on his old brown leather jacket

"Please Timothy don't call me that, call me daddy."

Walter laughed at how silly that sounded

"I'm sorry, pfffft don't call me that god please, no, Walter's just fine."

Tim had paused a moment a slight fear he might have a streak like his last boss after all but that laugh was too warm and giggly and just shook his head with a smile

"Wouldn't dream of it Walter, you're more of a kitten anyway."

Timmy felt his insides tighten a little and there was that hint of Jack Dna surfacing.

"So shall we go?"

Beckett enquired looking up at him, huh he kinda looked like Killian, just a little.

"Ready when you are."

And with that they were off.

(Alright end of this ramble, Timothy has been thrown in because I needed the gasp drama of prolongation and shit and didn't have the energy to create an oc and honestly I'll mash anything from anywhere if it's convenient bleh)

[mbrainspaz]

okay I didn't expect 'Spider-Man: Valley of the Lizard' to be high quality literature but by the hoary host of hoggoth--

I'm a little under half-way through and so far 80% of it feels like a sheltered 40 y o white guy's travel blog from the late 90's and the syntax alone makes me want to scream.

Yet I keep on reading. Chalk it up to morbid fascination and a dash of masochism. If you ever wanted an absolutely perfect picture of why various writing 'rules' like "don't use so many gosh-darn adverbs" exist, check this badboy out babey. *slaps roof of audiobook* It's a masterpiece production of What Not To Write in almost every way.

To be fair the main reason I'm cringing so hard is because I used to make all these mistakes and hearing them from someone else is really just slapping me in the face with how badly I used to write. Okay, how badly I still write... sometimes.

Here's my main takeaway so far--

DON'T TREAT YOUR READERS LIKE IDIOTS, IDIOT !!!!

Don't slap readers in the face with descriptors and other info that could've been implicit. Don't repeat the same plot points a dozen times by rephrasing them without adding any new info. Don't use five different names for the same thing in a single paragraph--call a lizard a lizard! Don't tell readers how to feel by overstating POV character reactions. Make them feel it by writing. Hey, take it easy on the 11th grade vocab words too, especially during fight scenes.

and uh, lay off the 'noble savage' trope I guess but hopefully that's less of a problem for anyone reading this on tumblr in 2021.

✨ Weird audiobook reader tangent below the cut. ✨

The non-writing related thing that's been bugging me is that the audiobook reader sounds like he has a north-western American accent. Pretty sure it's the same guy who read the Spider-Man book by Jim Butcher (the reason I started down this grim literary spider-man rabbit hole). Couldn't get a New Yorker to voice Spider-Man---FINE, but jeeze guys, at least get another British guy who can fake a decent north-eastern American accent! If I hear Peter Parker pronounce 'won' as 'waahn' one more time I'm gonna let a horse step on my headphones.

POST GOOGLING ADDITION TO THE ACCENT TANGENT: The reader is some guy named Tim Paige who read the book in 2020 and apart from the distracting accent he does great. His Twitter says he's living in NY so I'm willing to consider that I may not know what a New York accent actually sounds like... but I swear it doesn't sound like that???? Different guy did Jim Butcher's but they have the same accent, which is somehow more concerning. ONE MORE GOOGLE LATER: Okay yeah Jack Meloche who read the Jim Butcher one is from Michigan, so that tracks with the vaguely Canadian sounding vowels. On some level I'm right to be annoyed lol. Tim Paige definitely doesn't do a New York City accent. I guess Syracuse is far enough north that people sound like Canadians up there too. I wouldn't know, I've never been farther north than NYC. 🤷 I also found out 'Valley of the Lizard' was written in 1998. The way they talk about cell phones would've given it away if describing Corpus Christi as a quaint rural town hadn't. If you're wondering what Spider-Man is doing in Corpus Christi, he isn't. It's Dr. Connors. Why is he there? To write a dull & culturally ignorant travel blog apparently. K bye. Back to slowly dying of facepalming. Cheers pals.