#I also don't get why Dissolution didn't work

[moisette]

People hate camping. A lot. I get it. It's not fun dying. However, it doesn't make the Killer toxic or a shitty person. It also doesn't give you an easy 4k. It's very situational. Like this clip - I got camped to death after gens got done. It's fine that he camped me. I'd also camp me. It's not toxic and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Survivors should be willing to make a trade in this situation. If your teammates don't want to trade then you die. I'm SoloQ so I couldn't communicate with my teammates but I said "I would just take the 3 out." Nea tried but I had missed a skill check because I suck xD; I died but I thought the match was kind of fun. I wanted to make sure Ace didn't die and my goal was achieved.

This Dredge chose to tunnel me and I tried to last as long as I could so the gens would get done. He was not toxic for tunneling - the match was about to be over so tunneling makes sense. Even though he tunneled me - he still only got a 2k. That is not a win, it's a draw. Mikaela and Meg sitting on gens was the correct response to me getting tunneled.

[twobluejeans]

HEARTBREAK ON TOUR!

charles leclerc x famous!reader

summary: in which the lavender haze has been lifted. or in which america’s it couple splits.

part 8: you’re losing me, part 7: revenge dress, series masterlist

faceclaim: madison beer

ally’s radio 📻: PART 8! taylor swift deserves jail time for creating you’re losing me. taylor swift also deserves jail time for not officially releasing it. def recommend listening to it reading the chapter! (might have to stream illegally bc mother is being stingy 🙄.)

INSTAGRAM, july 17 (midnight)

liked by paulwesley, ninadobrev, and 13,333,112 others

yourinstagram and just like that, the final chapter of Midnights, is out now. this is my most personal body of work that i'm putting out into the universe, and i'm so scared yet excited to share her with u. thank u to my team, my producer jackantonoff turned dearest friend of almost 7 years (woah!!!) we spent many noons & midnights on this album and i'm forever in debt n grateful. thank u to all my other friends who i didn't mention, yk who u are. to everyone else, thank u for your persistent patience and support. it does not go unnoticed. from my heart to yours, midnights (till dawn edition), is available on all streaming platforms. i love u. thank u 💗.

View all 101,273 comments

leclerccharl ain’t that the teddy bear charles won for her at the fair forever ago??!

y/nsfeverdreamhigh leclerccharl o em gee yeah..

fernandoalonso_offical Proud of you cariño

barbie 🥹🥹💗💗

landonoriss screaming crying shaking throwing up

danielricciardo gagging choking ascending to god

authur_leclerc Love you always, Proud of you always ❤️

INSTAGRAM STORIES, july 17

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TWITTER, july 17

The song’s big question: “Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?”

BY: ALLY PUBLISHED: JULY 17, 2023

Y/n L/n’s lyrical candidness is what has always made her standout as a songwriter. Whether she was writing about young love, relationships, or breakups, her songs never flinched from trying to paint a full picture, even if it was one that was hard to look at.

It’s been a while since the super star has released a breakup song, but it was only a matter of time; since the singer split with Charles Leclerc, fans have already began anticipating the inevitable breakup album. But it turns out they didn’t have to wait long. At Midnight (July 17), L/n released a second deluxe edition of her 2022 album Midnights, which included four new songs, among them the release of “You’re Losing Me,” a song fans have deciphered as ostensibly about her split with Leclerc.

via @yourinstagram on instagram

The nearly 5-minute track is a devastating relationship ender if we’ve ever heard one, as it details the hopeless and tragic dissolution of a relationship. Though L/n doesn’t include any names or details, it’s not hard to see why fans are interpreting it as being about her and Leclerc. 

When Entertainment Weekly first broke the news of their split in April, sources for both parties diplomatically described the breakup as amicable, and that “it was not dramatic.” “The relationship had just run its course,” one source told ET. However, that story was debunked as L/n herself, stated Leclerc had an affair with Australian Youtuber Lola Ransdell, in one of her Eras Tour Shows.  With the release of “You’re Losing Me,” L/n seems to offer a window into her perspective of how things ended while also releasing one of the most devastating songs she’s ever written.

Its lyrics don’t waste any time getting into the tragic heart of the matter. “You say, ‘I don't understand,’ and I say, ‘I know you don’t’/ We thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won’t/ Remember looking at this room, we loved it ‘cause of the light/ Now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time,” she sings in the first verse, painting a portrait of two people who are unaligned and have seemingly grown apart in their relationship.

The pre-chorus lays out the song’s big question: “Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?” But waiting for resolution feels like something L/n doesn’t want to do anymore: “I'm getting tired, even for a phoenix/ Always rising from the ashes/ Mending all her gashes/ You might just have dealt the final blow,” she sings.

The most heart-wrenching part of the song comes in on the chorus, as she warns her other half, “Stop, you're losing me/ Stop, you’re losing me/ Stop, you’re losing me I can't find a pulse/ My heart won't start anymore/ For you/ ‘Cause you're losing me.” The lyrics mirror the song’s production which sounds like a quietly pulsing heartbeat, driving the knife’s blade of the song in even deeper.

Perhaps L/n’s biggest skill on this song is being able to convey all the heartbreak and roiling emotion without actually providing any specifics into the breakup. 

“You’re Losing Me” is rife with frank, confessional lyrics, but still keeps many of the exact contours of the split obscure. There are no accusations or fingers pointed at who’s at fault. There are no mic drop moments or explosive gossip; The closest L/n gets to revealing any details is on the second verse, when she seems to suggest that the relationship hadn’t been OK for a while now.

“Every morning, I glared at you with storms in my eyes/ How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying?/ I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick/ My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick,” she sings.

On the bridge, L/n reveals that she “wouldn’t marry me either,” perhaps offering the tiniest, sliver of hints into one of the other reasons why they ultimately fell apart: “And I wouldn't marry me either/ A pathological people pleaser/ Who only wanted you to see her/ And I'm fading, thinking/ Do something, babe, say something (say something)/ Lose something, babe, risk something (risk something)/ Choose something, babe, I got nothing (I got nothing)/ To believe, unless you’re choosing me.”

It’s the lack of details, the palpable restraint despite L/n’s clear heartbreak behind its lyrics, that makes “You’re Losing Me” perhaps the most devastating song in her catalog (yes, even more so than “All Too Well.”) Amid the grief and sadness of the song, there’s also a feeling of inevitability, of sorrow that nothing more could be done, of pointlessly waiting for action when you know nothing is coming.

 In some regards, it’s one of L/n’s most mature breakup songs in her catalog, regardless of whoever it’s about. And if this is just a “from the vault” track, it makes one wonder what an albums-worth of these songs would sound like.

SEE MORE RELATED POSTS:

• Lola Ransdell Cancelled over resurfaced racism tweets

• Lola Ransdell loses brand deals over Y/n L/n drama

• Charles Leclerc finally breaks his silence over Y/n L/n Breakup

ally’s radio 📻:a filler chapter im sorry😞 but anyways, the related stories r a sneak peak of the next chapter🤫 if u asked me to tag u and i didn’t, pls send me a message or inbox me bc it might’ve gotten lost 😭 i try to stay up-to-date but sometimes i miss people so pls lmk!!!

taglist 🦢🪩: @incoherenciass@dakotali@405rry@topaz125@sassyheroneckgiant@hevburn@itsmytimetoodream@ivegotparticulartaste@crowdedimagines @asterianax @haydee5010@scenesofobx@christinabae@magical-spit@dessxoxsworld@myareadsbooks@honethatty12@hopefulinlove@diasnohibng@gentlemonsterjennie1@hummusxx@eugene-emt-roe@taestrwbrry @perjarma @cxcewg@chimchimjiminie16@glow-ish@allywthsr @millyswife @mrsmaybank13 @black-swan-blog27 @stargaryenx @lilsiz @ohthemisssery @leclerclvr @slytherinjimin3nthusiast @shessthunderstoms @cool-ultra-nerd @ncentic @playboykenz @canvashearts @tinyhrry @xeliaaaa @ifionlywould @gaviypedrisbride @callsignwindow @dhhdhsiavdhaj @chasing-liberosis @laneyspaulding19 @a-daydreamers-day @saikikusouswife @motorsp0rt @lifesuckslife @shessthunderstoms @drewsandsebastianswife @sainzluvrr @ietss

[thankskenpenders]

IDW's Fang the Hunter miniseries! All four issues are out now! I don't have as much to say about it as I did with the Knuckles show, but I do have some thoughts.

So! This is a pretty fun miniseries. I liked it.

It's fun to see Ian get to write a four-issue arc starring the Hooligans, his precious boys, with a B-plot showing Sonic and Tails' perspective on this little adventure. As always, Ian captures the characters' voices well. In particular, I really liked Bean in this, who despite being a slapstick screwball is actually a pretty perceptive guy. He often acts as sort of a voice of reason for Fang, seeing right through his sweet talking and pointing out how badly all of their schemes go but sticking around nonetheless just for funsies. And the art (illustrated this time by Mauro Fonseca for the first issue and Thomas Rothlisberger for the rest) is as good as we've come to expect from IDW's Classic Sonic output. Overall, this is a fun little romp that captures the vibes of the Classic era very well.

...But...

Well, as I've said before with the Amy and Tails anniversary specials, I feel like we're kind of seeing diminishing returns with these Classic spinoffs. They're fun, sure, and very nice to look at, but their writing always leave me wanting more.

A big part of this is just that there's just less to work with compared to the Modern universe. The Classic cast is much smaller, and within that cast there are a bunch of characters currently going unused, some of which are currently off-limits. Aside from the appearance of the Witchcarters in Tails' special, we've pretty much just stuck with the cast of Sonic Mania and the Hooligans, as established in the first special. No Chaotix, no Battle Bird Armada, barely any Honey. (Classic Vector was able to get a tiny cameo in the Amy special only because he was so obscured that it gave the IDW team plausible deniability to say it was actually a different character if Sega complained.) It's a very small box, and Ian's recent Classic comics haven't particularly expanded the boundaries of that box. They're just excuses to play the hits for old times' sake. And that was a lot of fun the first time around, but the novelty is starting to wear off for me.

I will admit, sure, the tighter focus on a specific set of characters from the games is a big part of the appeal of these Classic comics. They're simpler. They're nostalgic. They're shining the spotlight on characters that can't be used in the main series. They're the slavishly faithful old school Sonic comics that we could never get in the '90s, because the comics we did get diverged into their own continuities with tons of new characters. I get all that.

But the thing is, the Sonic comics have always added all those new characters because you can just do so much more with them. The game cast is great! But they're corporate mascots Sega keeps on a tight leash. You can do so much with a character like Sally or Surge that you could never do with any of the game characters, and by pushing into new territory with these new characters you can also bring out interesting new sides of the game cast. Maybe Sonic himself can't have some crazy complex character arc, but you can see how he'll respond to the things going on with these other characters, and how these other characters' arcs are informed by their relationships with Sonic.

So I look at the Fang miniseries, and I'm like. This was pretty fun. But by the end, what was the point of the story? What did we learn about the Hooligans as characters that we didn't already know? Is the point just to depict an adventure where things go off the rails a little and Bean and Bark end up a little miffed, explaining why they weren't with Fang in Superstars? There's potential for an arc there about the dissolution of the group, but it really does come off more as the type of spat these three probably get into all the time before coming back together for the next job. It's neither super dramatic nor super funny, feeling more like it ends on a fairly matter-of-fact note where Fang's like "welp, time to go do the events of Sonic Superstars" at the end, not particularly plussed by anything that happened in this arc. What we're left with is four issues of the Hooligans encountering recognizable characters and visiting recognizable locations from the Classic games, with little that really feels new or fresh here.

Ironically, the most interesting story element to me here (aside from Bean's characterization) is its tie to the main comics, something previous specials couldn't do since Sega had yet to reunify the Classic and Modern timelines. The plot of this comic revolves around Fang following the myth of the "eighth Chaos Emerald," riffing on both old playground rumors and Sonic the Fighters. What they actually end up finding isn't an extra Emerald, but rather the Warp Topaz that would eventually end up in Starline's possession in the Modern era, having apparently been found by the Hard-Boiled Heavies in the cave seen in the 900th Adventure special.

That's kinda neat, and the abilities of the Warp Topaz are used in fun ways. But this isn't exactly something to write home about for people who aren't lore nerds like me. There isn't a particularly meaningful connection between Fang and Starline's arcs here due to the presence of the Warp Topaz, it's just a thing for the wiki. Again, Ian's in his connect the dots mode a little more than I'd like here.

(...So wait, if Starline didn't find the Warp Topaz himself, did he track down the cave where the Heavies found it to leave that "greatness began here" graffiti? Eh, I guess that sounds like something he'd do. He's known for nothing if not his obsessiveness.)

So, again. This was a pretty good miniseries. This all makes it sound like I hated it, but I did like it overall. I particularly liked seeing the Hooligans fight the Hard-Boiled Heavies. But it leaves me feeling less fulfilled than something like Scrapnik Island or Tangle & Whisper or Imposter Syndrome. I get that, by the very definition of the word, Classic Sonic is always going to remain trapped in amber to some extent. This isn't the version of the franchise that's supposed to grow and change. That's what Modern Sonic does. Classic Sonic will always be trapped in the early '90s. I'm not asking for them to add a dozen new characters with complex dramatic arcs to the Classic comics, since that's not what Classic Sonic is about. But I think the other Classic Sonic stories not written by Ian - i.e. the driving school story by the McElroys and the two stories about Amy by Gale Galligan - show that you can tell fresh new Classic Sonic stories that aren't just about remixing the hits from the games.

If we're going to continue getting Classic Sonic comics from Ian (and I hope we do!), then I just hope he's able to find a better balance between familiar and new ideas, like he and Evan do so consistently with their Modern Sonic output.

[mitzvahmelting]

an overview of the Théâtre des Vampires coven according to show canon (to the best of my knowledge)

section 1: the core acting company

apologies for shitty screenshots i made this on the fly and i could not be fucked to get high quality screencaps

Gustave - Currently part of the core acting company, he was a member of the coven since at least before Lestat's arrival, he's in those early scenes.

Celeste (pictured here with Santiago) - Currently part of the core acting company, was also a member of the coven in those early scenes. She and Gustave were seen together having most of the lines in those scenes representing the grub coven.

Estelle - here seen in both recognizable outfits for her. Currently part of the core acting company, her maker is Celeste.

I'm unclear on when Estelle was turned. I'm... pretty sure she's not in the scenes with the grub vampires, but it's possible that this is her handing out flyers for the first edition of the Theatre des Vampires... what do you think? Same lady? 👇

If that's her, then that might imply that Celeste turned her at some point between the dissolution of the grub coven and the reestablishment of the Theater coven, which would make sense in my opinion since I can't picture Armand actually approving for Celeste to turn someone

The final member of the core acting company is Santiago, but I'm skipping him because he's a main character so you already know him.

section 2: the orchestra

Basilic - part of the orchestra, Basilic was also a member of the grub coven.

He's seen in that flashback ☝ playing an instrument which @bloodripelives identified as potentially a chalumeau. (i spent 3 months calling this guy merde'em by mistake, fuck me)

Here's the rest of the orchestra. From left to right: Merde'em, Basilic, Planche.

Don't ask me what instruments they play, I didn't try that hard but I'm sure you could check if you watched the B-roll hard enough.

Merde'em and Planche were both turned by Basilic at some point - presumably Basilic could have gotten approval from Armand to turn people because they needed an orchestra. I feel like that would be a sufficient reason for Armand to consent, especially if Lestat was co-leading the coven at the time. Also Nicky was probably around but I'm ignoring him because he's dead by now so you don't have to try to spot him in the 1940s coven scenes.

Don't ask me why Merde'em is literally named "shittem," your guess is as good as mine.

Planche has a good relationship with Eglee - we see him squeezing her shoulder to comfort her during the dinner scene at the restaurant. Speaking of, let's talk about her and everyone else.

section 3: everyone else

Eglee - Front of house. Because we see humans handling the ticket counter when Louis and Claudia arrive, that means that Eglee must be the manager of all the ticket counter staff and ushers.

actually on second thought i think the guy who louis and claudia see at the ticket counter with the fake fangs might actually have been Sam? idk, worth a look. Either way, front of house is Eglee's purview.

We see her sexually ride Santiago's motorcycle as well as suck him off in the lair.

During the 2x04 "Lulu Dress" confrontation between Armand and Claudia, Santiago jumps to Claudia's defense and criticizes Armand. At this point in time, Celeste throws her support behind Santiago and also verbally criticizes Armand, which Santiago appreciates.

Seeing Celeste unexpectedly throw her support behind Santiago (and knowing that Celeste and Santiago have had an on-again-off-again thing for years), Eglee gets jealous and shouts "put your tits back in your bloomers, slut!" before attacking Celeste onstage, to Estelle's delighted shock.

then Eglee is later jealous and morose at the restaurant scene

Tuan (left, father) and Quang (right, son).

Tuan does the projections and works alone in the projection booth all show.

Quang is a swing actor, so he's sometimes on stage and presumably serves as an understudy for most of the male roles.

Because Quang "refused the dark gift until he was old enough to be on stage", we know that presumably Armand allowed Tuan and Quang to join the coven while Quang was still mortal. Which is fucking wild, but I won't be getting into that with more depth here.

Also, Tuan and Quang Pham are from Vietnam, which was called "French Indochina" at the time because colonization. We don't know when specifically they were invited into the coven, but that can give you a rough lower bound on the years. here's a map of the french conquest of vietnam by years, from the french indochina wikipedia page.

the upper bound would probably be the 1900s? because they would have to have been brought into the coven 1. before santiago, and 2. long enough before santiago that Quang had time to grow up and be turned before Santiago was turned.

Romaine - stage manager. No idea when he was turned or brought in. From his behavior in the scene with the restaurant, we can see that he's tasked with giving Armand updates and reports about what's going on with the coven. He's a snitch.

He's also the one who interrupts Armand during the gallery scene, after he finished telling Louis about Amadeo. Romaine phones in on the vamp wifi and tells Armand that Claudia is at Madeleine's atelier. (Or possibly Romaine just tells him "there's a body rotting on the green room floor" and Armand tracks down Claudia himself). Either way: Romaine's a snitch.

Samuel "Sam" Barclay - a nod to real life playwright Samuel Beckett. Armand refers to him as the "playwright in residence" so personally i want to headcanon that he's not actually a part of the coven, though I have no evidence to support that.

He's basically a main character so I'm not gonna talk about him much more here, but like. I'm interested to see what they do with him. We don't know when he was turned, we don't know who turned him, we don't know how old he is. We do know that he got away from Louis' rampage and became a friend of the Talamasca. We also do know that he's a DJ in 2022 and wears a helmet when he performs.

Center, here, is Hans Luchenbaum, the costume designer. We don't really know much more about him, except that he's most often referred to as Luchenbaum, and he sounds a little more german than french? idk.

That's all folks! <3 hope that was helpful. if i got anything wrong, which i probably did, go ahead and tell me please. also go read my fics. eventually i'll post the fucking coven fic on there.

[creative-kny-fics]

Are you taking requests? 

If so could you do lee!tanjiro and ler!giyuu? I don’t have anything particular in mind, just something fluffy and light hearted.

I understand and it’s totally okay if u don’t wanna do this :)

Ur work is amazing and keep it up! <3

Aaaaw thanks! Sorry for the delay, for the moment, I wasn't taking requests, but now I am!

(Note: The fic is set in the future)

Ler: Giyuu Tomioka

Lee: Tanjiro Kamado

Tanjiro narrates: Finally, a world without demons, a dream longed for from generation to generation, I still don't believe it, we have lived so much, but at the same time, lost so much...

Sometimes I wonder, what would have happened if maybe, and only Perhaps we would have met in another context?

The only thing that kept us in "contact" was the objective of exterminating demons, but after the dissolution of the brotherhood, each one took their own path, for example, Shinazugawa-San left, we don't know where, I usually send him letters but, he doesn't answer them, at least it makes me somewhat happy to know that I am still close to Tomioka-San and Uzui-San and his wives.

'Giyuu-San! Hello! How are you doing?!'

'Huh? Hello Tanjiro! Good morning. I'm fine, I'm still getting used to this, but I'm fine'

'It seems like I came at the wrong time, going somewhere? ?'

'Actually, yes, but you can come with me. I don't think Uzui will mind you accompanying me, after all, he appreciates you, right?'

'I suppose I can accompany him. I trust that Nezuko will be in good hands with Zenitsu and Inosuke. Let's go there!'

Tomioka-San, he looks so different now, I'm glad he smiles more now, his smile is pretty, of course, every smile is beautiful (NOT SHIP)

Giyuu Narrates: Who would have thought, before I used to stay away from my hashira companions, but not anymore.

'Uzui-San! How are you doing?!'

'It's you Kamado! Wow, I think Giyuu brought you with him, I'm glad!'

'Tengen-Sama... Shhh... The baby is asleep... Hello guys, excuse me, but could you please lower your voice...?'

'Oh, sorry, let's go talk somewhere else, shall we?'

'Uzui-San, do you have children?'

Oh, what a shame, I had never told Tanjiro about it, although of course, I found out some time later.

'Hinatsuru-San, you look tired, would you mind if I take care of the baby for you?'

'You're very kind Tomioka-Sama... But, I can handle it...'

'Hinatsuru, love, you haven't slept well these days, I'm sure Giyuu can take care of the baby, after all, she's asleep and she's someone heavy sleeper'

'Well, maybe it's also a good time for Tanjiro to meet Himiko...'

Oh, right, I forgot. Himiko is Suma's daughter, but I don't know what happened, apparently she is still not used to it, that is why Makio and Hinatsuru help her.

'Wo-woah... She... She is just like Miss Suma...'

'Right? Although, it is not yet known, she may end up having Uzui's behavior hahaha.'

'Yeah, I guess...'

'Does the baby weigh you down? If that's the case, I can...'

'No, no, it's okay. It's not the first time I've carried a baby'

'I realize that, the baby seems to feel very comfortable with you'

Tanjiro narrates: It's been a long, long time since I've seen a baby, at least not this close.

I usually saw them but I didn't have time to spend time with them, so when Giyuu-San handed me the baby, I got nervous, it had been a long time since I had held someone so small.

'Looking at her better, she looks a bit like Uzui-San... Is her hair a bit white or is it the reflection of the sun?'

'I don't think so, maybe you're right and the baby has some white locks like Uzui'

'I think so... And... What color are her eyes? Do you have Miss Suma's eyes or Uzui-San's eyes?'

'Someone is very curious hahaha. But, to answer your question, she has a mix of both, they are a shade of red, maybe next time you come, you will find her awake and you will see her eyes'

A shade of red...? I thought... I thought I had already closed that episode in my life... I know I can't relate the slightest thing to my family, but, I can't help it... The last time I saw red eyes in a baby, it was in Rokuta, the youngest of my siblings...

I, I hadn't thought about it... They are no longer here but their memories are clear in my mind...

'Tanjiro, is everything okay? Are you crying'

'Hu-huh? I'm sorry, I guess, I have mixed feelings, I'm fine, I swear.'

Giyuu Narrates: I think something I said has hurt Tanjiro, I don't know exactly what, but for his tone of voice to have changed so drastically, it must be something painful.

'Tanjiro, you don't need to lie. Look, I don't know what happened or what made you sad, but I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.'

'I know, Giyuu-San, I know. They're just my thoughts... Don't worry...'

'Can I try to cheer you up?'

'Huh... I think I know what you mean, sure, I guess, but what about the baby?'

Smart guy, although he had a point, the baby couldn't be left unattended, what a dilemma.

'E-eh...! Gi-Gihiyuhu... The ehehehe bahahaby!'

'Kid, I'm just sliding my fingers up and down your neck, is it that bad?'

'I-I mhmhmhm dohohohon't ahahahaha knohohow...! I'll le-lehehet yuhuhu ti-tickle meeee, buhuhuhut when the ba-baby isn't aslehehehehep!'

'Well, you promised. Honestly, I can't consider this tickling. You know well that I tend to be much worse than this, it's not even a warm-up, you're just too ticklish.'

'Yohohou tohohoho... Aaaah!! Gi-Gihu-Gihiyuhuhu!! Ahahahaha!!! Pleheahasehehe!!'

'Think better about your words when you address me, Kamado Tanjiro.'

[frequenceraph]

"Z is a bad character"

Xenoblade 1 and 3 spoilers incoming Ok so Z. I've seen so many people, mostly on twitter and reddit, complain about how this man is a bad character. The thing is though they're missing the point of Z. Z isn't supposed to be complex, he's a force created by origin as a response to the collective will of people to avoid confronting the inevitable collision and dissolution into light that the two worlds are destined for. He's a corrupting influence; an embodiment of the concept of the endless now. Z is compelling by means of the characters he influences. N is widely considered in the fandom to be an extremely well written character-- through the lens of one of the main characters' past lives, we get to experience the pain of loss that made him want to never have to lose anything anymore. Z is the fear of loss, and Noah choosing to confront Z and refuse to give in is him refusing to be afraid of losing the people he loves. He's lost Mio over and over, he had to leave his son behind, he's been unable to defeat moebius and break the cycle over and over, and Z-- his fear of loss-- eventually gets to him. These kinds of interactions make Z compelling and threatening. Z is a representation of the fear and vice that lives inside every single one of us. Even people who are extremely young like Joran can self sabotage and want to stay in a comfortable eternity when that's not the state that anything-- the world nor your interpersonal relationships-- can stay in. Joran is so mired in his assumptions that everyone of the main Keves party thinks he's useless that for a while he isn't able to escape the genuine abuse that he suffers at the hands of Moebius D. And that's Z at work. He (Joran's own assumptions and fears) has paralyzed Joran in a state of self loathing that he's inflicted on himself. There's also another aspect I think people ignore with regard to Z's relationship to past games. And that's that Z is a direct consequence of Shulk's decision at the end of Xenoblade 1 to walk towards the future hand in hand with everyone. Without a god to rule over them, people falling to their worst vices can directly influence the world. Z acts as a foil to Zanza in a sense, both serving as a demonstration of the flaws of a world with and without gods. Shulk's choice didn't result in utopia. There's always going to be something to fight for, and sometimes that thing is ourselves rather than some made up enemy. And that, I feel is the core message of Xenoblade 3. Given that western media has imbued us with the idea that characters need to be compelling in the same way that-- as hbomberguy said-- games need to be fun, it's easy to see why people would write off Z as being a bad character when they don't understand the broader context in which he exists. Like sure Z sits around and watches the main party do shit in a theatre in the middle of origin and that's all he does, but Z taking direct action would be against the spirit of his character. He (our internal vices, fear of change) operates through others, both figuratively and literally. We had to come to him in the final encounter because he-- from what I understand-- primarily exists in people's minds. TL;DR Z doesn't need to be a compelling character in the traditional sense. He's compelling by means of the characters he influences and what he represents; the flaws of a world without gods.

[salamanderinspace]

Been thinking more about the Contrapoints video.

I was going to say that, as I get older, the egalitarian sex Natalie discusses is more and more alluring to me, but this is not true. That's always been the ideal. It's more like, the top/bottom predator/prey dynamic gets less and less palatable as I am constantly finding myself in relationships with uncomfortable default-fixed roles that my partner won't negotiate. It was so bad that, when I was about 24, I gave up on love and sex completely for about 6 years. Then I became involved with someone who, again, held so hard to those fixed roles (particular Lover/Beloved, Pursuer/Pursued) that it broke me. I trusted her not to treat me like that and was disappointed when that's what it became.

I went through my vampire romance phase at the age of 13, with Vivian Vande Velde and Anne Rice and a few others. Twilight didn't exist yet. The allure was always the power fantasy: what if I could be fast and strong and rich and pretty forever? But I found it very tragic that the vampires in these books lived lonely, isolated lives… viewing others as prey or threats. The moments that drew me into IWTV were the moments of companionship and peerdom, the whispered jokes between found family in the theater. So I think it's important to me to distinguish between two types of dark romance. The predator-prey stuff is fine but there is an itching in my heart for dark, bloodthirsty couples that generally try to direct their violence AWAY from each other, that trust each other absolutely.

Because I disagree with Natalie on a point. I don't think there is an inherent violence to love. I don't naturally experience sexuality or eros in itself as a kind of death (the death comes later, with rejection of separation.) I don't lose myself in the dissolution of boundaries--I've always been more than willing to dissolve and transgress freely and fluidly in a way that feels more like being a wave in an ocean and less like a hammer striking an anvil. Traditional mainstream kinksters usually propose hammer-anvil scenes that are very boring to me. I can do them, I can … but it's not what inflames me. What inflames me is the idea of a peer, of communion. The convent Natalie mentions is actually an almost perfect example of a fantasy that is wildly erotic to me: permanently committed, group-oriented, and egalitarian. Someone in Natalie's reddit also came in singing the praises of egalitarian sex, and bravely mentioned that they seek out sibling incest fantasies for that reason, which explains so much to me. Like honestly: what do convent fantasies, sibling incest fantasies, and lesbian cottagecore farming fantasies have in common? That egalitarian quality of peers confronting external domination. It's a shame that I (and Natalie) had to find writing about that in the work of this half-insane transphobic radical feminist but it's so rare that anyone shares this proclivity.

So yeah I see why the Dom/Sub thing is appealing to people and I'm fine writing it here and there but what calls to my heart is the other thing.

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

Arc 10, Reflections

Eh.

Arc 10 is sorta... there?

Like, it's got some highlights and it serves some useful purposes, but I'll admit it's not really standout. Too much of it is consumed by the fight, and I admit it was hard to actually enjoy the fight because I kept reading it looking for the why of it. The 'why' are they doing this fight thing.

What were they after, etc - didn't get really revealed until after, and so that kind of detracted from reading the fight itself.

Interludes 10 and 10.5 were the highlight, getting to see the inside of Alec's twisted but also relatable mind, the gut-wrenching horror but also the 'it's funny as fuck' elements of what happens with Sophia under Regent's grip -

Getting the reveal that Dragon is an AI is quite cool, as well as another look at Armsy and Dragon's almost adorable interactions. A key step on the road to Amy's final dissolution, even if we don't know it yet as a proverbial blind reader.

I hear a lot that people drop worm 'around Leviathan' and I would imagine Arc 10 here is the tail end of that 'around Leviathan' dropping.

Dropping in Arc 6 - Taylor is solidified as a villain

Dropping in arc 7 - nothing about Arc 7 stands out as a specific reason to drop

Dropping in arc 8 - End of Taylor's even slightest prospects to be a hero, the way Leviathan is a huge sea-change from the street-level stuff that might have kept people in at first

Dropping in arc 9 - the city's borderline post-apocalyptic nature is gonna fuck with a lot of people

Dropping in arc 10 - the sudden reveal that an effective 'end of the world' scenario is coming which... (Honestly, explain to me how Dinah's percentages power lets her get all that? I'm confused. Someone really needs to detail how that all works. Does Dinah get an Interlude?)

Like, Arc 10 is where the biggest element of the story is introduced, and yet, it's gonna be a huge change and a long payoff. I can see a lot of people who may have been on the fence the last few arcs going 'okay, fuck this shit I'm out'

(can someone explain to me why it's now impossible to find a gif that actually has the words you type into gifsearch? It used to actually be possible to find the actual gif, because yes, it exists I've fucking seen it. God I hate tumblr so much sometimes)

I have to think most people who made it past Arc 10 would make it deep into the s9 arc, probably at the hopes of getting out the other end to a better ending but of course NOPE (which is probably when another migration of 'fuck this shit I'm out' hits for reader s), but maybe a bit during the darkest parts in like, 14 and 15. Who knows. There's no good way to track it.

Anyway, so... Arc 10 is... it's solid. It's as good as the rest of Worm, but it doesn't stand out.

For a lot of people, the whole S9 arc from 11-15 is supposed to be very very good. I'm certainly gonna be turning it over in my head a lot as I read it, but I suspect I'm not going to enjoy it, per se.

It'll be good in the sense of well written, if only in certain senses, but I am almost certain to get very tired of Jack Slash very quickly. By all evidence he's exactly the sort of character I get exasperated and annoyed with at rapid speeds, and under normal circumstances, he'd make reading through the whole arc very hard, I imagine.

I also intend to check the earliest possible versions on the wayback machine of certain ah... high intensity chapters, as it were, because I genuinely don't trust Wildbow to have made some.... tweaks, since he started Ward. Which is probably paranoid and stupid of me, but... :shrug:

[undercooked-spaghetti]

been thinking about the kaito files dlc AGAIN because kaito files gifs have been popping up on my feed. and i need to vent because its half the reason i started this tumblr blog.

i know they had to introduce jun as some kickass kid who sticks up for people SOMEHOW, but it kinda annoys me they decided to put a random woman as a worker at charles just because of it.

part of higashi's thing is he cares about the younger guys from the Matsugane Family and has been hiring them to work at Charles since he got ownership after the dissolution of the Tojo Clan so they'd have somewhere to go. So with all the guys we saw during the missions to tail Higashi in Judgment, why is there a random woman working there?

I feel like they broke small bits of established lore (or just make some up out of the blue that just makes it feel cobbled together) just to make Kaito DLC work out the way it did. And don't get me wrong, I liked Jun. Yeah he was kind of annoying and a little over the top, but he's also like 14 and messed up because his dad's horrible and he thinks his mom is dead. But i just wished they didn't do things in a very specific way just to accomplish character introductions.

It's kinda like how they waited until the dlc for kaito to suddenly remember that once upon a time he was engaged. It just feels random and out of place so the DLC can have its foreshadowing.

[sadandpoutyandfrench]

Idol Land update is out and no end of service announcement. Are we all a bunch of Chicken Littles squawking that the sky is falling or is there something there to the doomsaying? Well, regardless our MyCharas will live to die another day.

Personally I'm optimistic. I'd like to believe Idol Land can make it at least to its first anniversary. Naïve? Maybe. In denial? Definitely. Am I in denial about being in denial? Most certainly.

But thinking about idol Land ending got me thinking about other end of service games I've lived through.

This got long so . . .

Naturally, PriPuz is one of the first that comes to mind. This was before I had either my smartphone or my tablet so instead I played it on my PC via emulation on BlueStacks. Oof, that was a bit rough. Playing with a computer mouse for dragging was not intuitive at all. Most times I was lucky to get a decent score.

Next, Wake Up, Girls! Shinsei no Tenshi aka WUGten. This was a browser game, one of many boneheaded decisions made by the people in charge of the WUG group and franchise. The game was available through Rakuten and for a very short period available worldwide until quickly being locked to Japan only. So despite having my tablet I had to resort to my computer and a VPN (any attempt I made to get it working on a tablet didn't go through). I actually have a video of me playing this one!

The audio is Not Great. The sound effects will probably hurt your ears a bit. This was one of my early attempts at recording anything through my computer. This video has been up for five years and sits below 700 views. Look at that very ambitious Episode 1 on the thumbnail.

As you can tell, it's a bit laggy. Doing those flick notes on the computer was tricky but it looks like I managed. Watching this kind of reminds me of Idol Land in ways. I was just so excited to be playing a Wake Up, Girls! themed rhythm game that I was 100% willing to look past any jankyness involved.

It's impossible to disassociate the end of WUGten with the dissolution of the Wake Up, Girls! idol group itself. I wonder if the game would have lasted longer if they were still around. Of course, I wonder a lot of things about Wake Up, Girls!, questions that will likely remain with me, unanswered, for a long time.

Mega Miracle Force, a fighting game crossing over a bunch of Compile Heart games. Of course, I was in for it exclusively for Hyperdimension Neptunia. One of the key selling points was two different characters fused together to make a new one.

I understood almost nothing about how to play and there weren't many helpful English resources in the long run but I think I managed to make my way around well enough.

I had three different accounts. I lost the first one and stopped playing on my second run after some point. The transfer system at the time was similar to Idol Land in that the code only lasted for a short while so when I got my smartphone I had to start anew. Fortuitous as the game went down a few months later.

Magia Record EN. This was a frustrating one. I got into the game when the anime started airing. Sadly seems the anime wasn't enough because Aniplex shut this one down before season 2 even aired. I don't remember how far I got in but I don't think it was much.

And finally, she is the one named

Sailor Moon Drops! This was my Candy Crush, a Sailor Moon themed Match 3 game? Heaven. It's also the only English translated Sailor Moon game we're ever going to see, probably.

I get why Bandai might have closed this one down? Yeah, I guess. Do I still wish they had kept it up in some form, even without providing any new content? Hell yes. Other Match 3 games just don't scratch that same itch

So there it is, my wall of death, a reminder of how brutal the live service model can be when it comes to mobile games and that no game's lifespan is ever certain.

[totallynotreadingatwork]

Mini Book Reviews Again Again

Look I know I did one of these five minutes ago but I still have 20 books to get through here so bear with me okay.

Down Among the Dead Men by Peter Lovesey, book 15 of the Peter Diamond series - I don't normally read crime novels and this book reminded me why. It was a lot of police propaganda in places, a lot of nonsense in others, and overall just a bit boring. There was also a bit where someone being a lesbian was a major plot twist like??? what decade are we in??? (tbf it was written in 2015 but that's no excuse!). So yeah, didn't like this one much.

Days of Blood and Starlight by Laini Taylor, book 2 of the Daughter of Smoke and Bone series - Well, if I could marry a book series then this would be the one. It's beautifully crafted and beautifully written, and the worldbuilding in this one is incredible. I love the characters and the conflict and I can't quite articulate specifically how or why without giving too much away but seriously everyone should give this a go, I've even given it to my mum to read.

Starve Acre by Andrew Michael Hurley - Oh boy was that one weird. It's not very long, but it doesn't need to be. It was cool and creepy and ominous in so many ways, and I think it would be good for people who like more gothic horror than slasher horror. I'll never look at a hare the same way again. TW for off-screen child death though. Like almost the whole book is focused around a couple dealing with the loss of their son.

The Mark of Athena by Rick Riordan, book 3 of the Heroes of Olympus series - What can be said that hasn't been said already? Pretty sure all of Tumblr already knows that this man is a brilliant author and that these books are amazing so I'm not going to elaborate here.

Fractured by Teri Terry, book 2 of the Slated series - Very early 2010s dystopia but still very good. I really do very strongly believe that part of the reason these books never majorly blew up the way The Hunger Games and The Maze Runner did is because they're set in Britain, and obviously weren't marketed as much. I'm enjoying them a lot. They're not the very best things I've ever read in my life, but I would have devoured them as a teenager if I'd gotten around to reading them back then.

Forget Me Not by Alyson Derrick - Cute little lesbian love story. I enjoyed it well enough but it wasn't my favourite. It made me laugh in places, but I was never really invested in the relationship between the girls unfortunately. However, I was in a major reading slump at the time I read it, and was really stressed with work and life and stuff so maybe that was why I bounced off it.

Songbirds by Christy Lefteri - I'm not normally one for books that feel like they'd win a lot of awards (I like Blue Bloods for crying out loud!) but this one was very good indeed. I can't say I enjoyed it because the subject matter was really depressing, but it was very well written and had a lot to say about it's topic. It's about a live-in maid called Nisha who works for a woman in Cyprus but goes missing in chapter 1 and the rest of the book is her partner and her employer desperately trying to find her but struggling because basically no one else cares. It was a very powerful book in all honesty.

Rhosllannerchrugog, Johnstown, Ponciau, and Penycae: A Collection of Pictures by Dennis W. Gilpin - Just me out here reading some local history. Nothing that would really interest anyone who doesn't know the area, but it was fun to see places I know today as how they looked in the past.

The Dissolution of Valle Crucis Abbey by Derrick Pratt - Again, local history. It was a bit dry, as expected, but still fun to learn more about the local area.

Masquerade by Melissa De La Cruz, book 2 of the Blue Bloods series - Again, complete trash, but for some reason I love it. I think it's partially nostalgia because I first read these back in 2010 or so when I was 11 or 12 and loved them then, but sometimes I think it's because we all need something to just switch our brains off to. Some people like reality TV, some people like Ali Hazlewood, I like Blue Bloods. It's all the same.

The Ten Thousand Doors of January by Alix E. Harrow - This is one of those books that you get from the library and enjoy so much you immediately wan't to go out and buy your own copy of. Like I feel like I'm going to be incomplete if I don't have this book in my life forever. A truly beautiful world-hopping story about finding yourself and where you belong, and it has the 'book within a book' thing going on like in The Starless Sea by Erin Morgenstern. Can't say too much without giving it away, but it's very good and I recommend it.

Revelations by Melissa De La Cruz, book 3 of the Blue Bloods series - It's Armageddon time baby! No not really but there is a little bit of a reckoning. That all obviously comes secondary to the terrible romance thought because of course it does and that's what we're all here for anyway. It's still thoroughly problematic and off the wall, but hey, 2000s vampire novels were never going to be sensible. Cringe is dead give me more vampires.

The Van Alen Legacy by Melissa De La Cruz, book 4 of the Blue Bloods series - Oh look, more vampires! Originally, and for most of the year, I decided not to read too many books form the series too close to one another in case I got burnt out on the series, but Blue Bloods made me break that because I was having too much fun with them. I'm officially caught up to all the ones that were out when I first read the so form here on out I'm in uncharted territory. I'm hoping it's still all just as trashy.

The House of Hades by Rick Riordan, book 4 of the Heroes of Olympus series - Again, we all know Rick Riordan is god so I won't spend too much time on this one but I will say that I think that one is my favourite of the series. The bits in Tartarus are really well done and I still love all the characters and everyone on earth should read this book series.

The Dark Archive by Genevieve Cogman, book 7 of the Invisible Library series - This is the second to last book in the series so things are really ramping up here and getting everything in place for the finale, and it managed to do all that whilst also telling a satisfying contained story. We've got another new main character, the return of an old villain or two, and adventure to be had all round. I'm very much looking forward to the next book.

Ask the Passengers by A.S. King - Another lesbian romance one I didn't really enjoy. I think I'm getting too old for coming of age stories like this. Or maybe this one just wasn't very well written. It was okay for the most part, but I didn't like the love interest at all and it seemed a lot of the time that the main character didn't either, which isn't ideal for a romance. Also, there's a running thing where the main character will watch aeroplanes flying overhead and 'send her love' up to the passengers and then we'd cut to a passenger on the flight for a few pages as they magically feel overwhelmed with a sense of love that helps cure all their troubles or whatever and I thought that was silly and I didn't like it. Not the worst thing I've ever read though.

The Blood of Olympus by Rick Riordan, book 5 of the Heroes of Olympus series - A cracking finale, even if I do still find the fight with Gaia a little anticlimactic. I love getting to hear from Reyna and Nico for the first time; they're some of my favourite characters. Honestly just a 10/10 series.

[auspicetaker]

just read the daily beast article about the dissolution of red guards austin and i have some thoughts and feelings

I LITERALLY REMEMBER BEING IN [REDACTED ORG] AND BOTH NERVOUSLY LAUGHING AT AND MOCKING THE PERCEIVED ADVENTURISM AND ULTRALEFTISM OF RED GUARDS WHILE ALSO BEING GENUINELY ENVIOUS OF THEIR PERCEIVED STRUCTURE AND DISCIPLINE .... and holy shit am i glad we didn't get far enough to truly replicate that structure. we tried.

i mean, i definitely lived a slightly less extreme version of what's described in the article - losing out on sleep and sacrificing all of my free time for the organization. but damn am i glad that old school MLs don't do the "public humiliation struggle session" thing as a form of political practice!

something i picked up on in the article is the misogyny - that women in general were called upon to do domestic and behind the scenes work and men were viewed as leaders. even as they tried to, on paper anyway, punish men for slights against women, they replicated the same power dynamics found in mainstream society. no fucking way im soooo shocked. and then this from the very end of the article:

idk i feel really fucking sad when i think about it all. i hate that my only recourse upon leaving the org was to bow out of existing politically or publicly pretty much indefinitely. i hate the jeering spectacle that liberal rags like daily beast make of these cultic orgs and dynamics, it very much feels like "that's what you get for believing in the delusion that communism can ever win, vote blue no matter who". i hate my own passivity and relatively apolitical existence in the wake of my disillusionment with the org which was fucking five years ago. i don't know what political work looks like outside of that framework. im embarrassed that i don't know how to get back there. i believed so sincerely and when i lost that belief i lost hope and i lost innocence and i became unable to trust anyone or anything. fuck! it's a weird grief.

anyway it was objectively pretty funny when they did the pig head stunt even if i can't rly match their fervor against the dsa anymore, that was peak red guards austin, To Me .

i certainly don't blame the ex members for talking about their experiences to the daily beast but reading the coverage reminded me of why i never tried to Sell or Publicize the story of what happened to me and what happened to the org, because i cannot stand the prospect of a bunch of Biden Harris 2024 people clucking their tongues and saying "oh what a shame the Crazy Political Cult is so Dangerous". no matter how much i hate [redacted org] and i hate them a lot I'll never feel comfortable doing that.

[frogsandfries]

I have had possibly the longest week of my life.

I couldn't do laundry on memorial day.

I had to run to the clinic for my blood test. Got a fairly heavy package yeeted at my head before, while I was at work, so I was getting dizzy while I walked to the bus and the clinic. Looked at Arby's and for the first time in my life I was like 🤢.

I didn't want to waste my time at the ER--I wanted my laundry done for this move which I was looking forward to happening this weekend. I'm going to have to wait till next week, to wait for the new apartment to be in livable condition. So I did a really rudimentary pupil response test in the bathroom. The results seemed normal to me. When I finally got some rest, I felt better, so any confusion may have just been down to fatigue. I got the laundry done Tuesday, and folded and packed most of it Wednesday.

My ex has been harassing and bullying me all week. I take cold comfort in the fact that she blocked me. It means nothing. But I'll admit that being gaslighted that hard, it was triggering and without the tools to handle it myself, or a friend who one of us could easily go to the others' place to ground me, all I could do was seek out a completely objective third party to help me get grounded again. I didn't realize that was a mental health concern I needed to have, so I will happily work on that in therapy.

See what I'm saying? Of course you don't, I didn't mean for that post to go live and my ex was stalking my Tumblr to catch me. I don't know if they screen shotted the post; I don't know what kinds of records they've been keeping.

By the way, reading those messages outside of the moment, the gaslighting seems fucking nuts lmao. It's like when my womb donor used to gaslight me verbally (that person used to also move my possessions) and I was like, this is nuts, is this shit supposed to work?? But then they hound and badger you, upsetting you, and as an authority figure in your life, they really get you going. It was having my shit moved as a kid though. That has really had far-reaching impacts on my life.

Anyway, likewise, they don't know for certain what all I've been documenting. And I sure as fuck won't make the mistake of sharing that. Nobody wants to see that shit. Everyone I've entrusted to hold copies of these images gets angry on my behalf.

Additionally, according to my ex, they didn't throw a box, it's my word against theirs. According to my ex, they've been nothing but cool and kind and so helpful. Y’know, except draining the joint account--it was my stupidery to put my tax money in the stupid joint account--but like, I totally chose to just gift them that money, I should have been more specific about how I wanted the money used 🙄 riiiiggggghhhhht. They've never respected me in three years, why would they start after the dissolution of the relationship. I could have put it in my personal private savings. I should have put it in my personal savings. Personal funds henceforth become personal investment or savings. I will decide what happens to these funds.

Apparently, I didn't need my two thousand dollars, I wasn’t using it. She needed it sooooooooooo much more than I did, so she could properly court her new plaything. 🙄 I would say, I wonder how it feels to have fun with stolen money, but most likely, she's convinced the plaything that either it wasn't stolen, that I'm crazy, and/or somehow, my ex deserves that money. Like, maybe I've been preventing them from getting employment somehow. It's always like that with this type, they're being prevented--not by their own brain, but by a person who might be begging them to get a job because two fully grown adults who can and are earning money makes life easier for both.

I could do a whole post about how I was lied to my entire relationship "I'm trying" "I'm working on it", as told to me with eyes glued to a fucking video game. Even the recent admission that they didn't give a shit what was in my dating bio. They didn't give a shit how many times I hounded them. They didn't give a shit how much it stressed me out and frustrated me. They clearly, very obviously didn't give a shit about the clear, obvious impact letting this place be covered in spilled food and drink and dirty dishes and dirty counters would have--is presently having. They never. Fucking. Respected me. Of course I fucking saw this. Of course I felt stuck. I couldn't get rid of them; how was I supposed to get the money together to move out?

Anyway, since my ex already knows:

I got detectives to remove the computer, so the computer is in Big Timeout and neither of the children get to play with it. If the plaything didn't bring her computer, I'm sure my ex bullied her into buying one so they could empty the hard drive. Or maybe they just trashed it. Who knows. My ex lied to me for three years, so who even the fuck are they? But I keep referring to a hard drive, so I think it's some kind of felony or something if they destroy the hard drive so it can't be searched. Not my problem. I told her I didn't want that shit in my house. I just wanted it to stay an obnoxious meme. I don't know why I imagined she might respect me/my wishes.

I hope with all this drama and stress, the new plaything is seeing more than I was able to. She'll probably just think whatever my ex tells her to. She's super young. Younger than either of our youngest siblings. Which I think, knowing my ex, is weird and gross. But nobody asked me, "age is just a number". My ex doesn't seem to comprehend that most people, normal people, look up to people significantly older than they are. Most people are easily influenced, by their peers.

So anyway, my ex's inability to share the computer with me is really going to come back to bite them. My womb donor's brainwashing is coming back to bite me because I'm sitting here thinking, like, I'm crowing so loudly for this computer if I can't have my cash money back. But I'm also complaining--fairly--that I never get to use the damn thing. What if I sound solely like a bitter ex who just wants to pawn my bullshit off on my dumb ex? That's so dumb. It's pretty obvious I never use the damn thing. Look at my chrome history if you want to see my patterns of use. Looottttttttttssss of image searches for random shit--flowers, poses, I think if you know that I'm a visual artist, it's pretty obvious I'm looking for studies. If you don't know, I'm just super fucking random. But I have nooooooooo idea what my ex's internet history looks like, just that it would be completely different from my own, a digital thumbprint as different as a whorl is from an arch.

Anyway, she's got the two thousand dollars. She can't give it back because she doesn't have a job and there is nothing to give back. She can afford a few more days of Airbnbs or motels or I don't fucking care. I have no sympathy. She had dozens of opportunities to put the money back and cause me to leave the apartment. I'm not leaving the fucking apartment. I work here and I'll be damned if I get fired the same week I get my own apartment. It's not fucking happening.

Every time she has given me information about moving out, I have gone back to the office, physically, my god damn self, to fact check: she cannot change the locks. That's a violation of the lease. The lease does not end until the 18th. She can change the locks at the change of the lease. I don't care; property management will even send maintenance to do it properly. She cannot throw me out, the lease is not being terminated by property management. Her guest is not on this lease. I'm not fucking staying here because it's fucking fun. I'm staying here because I don't want to lose my fucking job.

I think my final point is, I am pretty confident in saying, I could piss a negative pregnancy test and I am genuinely concerned that my ex would do their best to keep an eye on me by whatever means possible for at least a few years. For my own privacy and safety, I will just keep my fertility journey to myself, at least for a while, until everything has settled.

[kitkatpancakestack]

Actual real genuine question from someone who has shipped Buddie since the nanosecond Buck turned around to look at the new guy… but I’m wondering what makes you feel that canon Buddie is inevitable? Sorry if you’ve addressed this before but I just watched the season 5 finale and have pretty much lost all hope at this point so I’m really interested in your side of it.

Hey anon! No worries, I'd be happy to go into my thought process a little. Apologies if this gets long!

So, I should preface by saying I didn't actually start seeing Buck and Eddie as a possible romantic pairing until the back half of s3. And I wasn't set in stone about it until s4. And s5 has just been a rollercoaster ride.

The way I view their relationship I try to view through the lens of every other canon couple I've been a proponent of over the years. Admittedly there is a certain trepidation and hesitancy around Buck and Eddie, just because of what them being together would entail, and the fact that a story like theirs really hasn't been shown on television before. But I think it helps to get down to the foundation of it all, bypassing all of the ready reasons why it "can't" happen or "won't" happen or "will never" happen. I've said before that there is what the script is saying, and there is what the scripts is saying. Foreshadowing and story arcs are represented through scene transitions, music choice, wardrobe, and thematic parallels. Things don't just pop up out of nowhere. There is usually always established precedence for something occurring on the show. I try to think along the lines of what we are being told vs. what we are being shown. For example:

During Eddie's awkward af relationship storyline with Ana, we were being told that he was finally moving on and doing something for himself and had found the perfect addition to his family. We were being shown that there was something dishonest about his approach to dating her and that it wasn't explicitly for himself.

From the minute Buck and Taylor reconnected, we were told that they were both in a similar state of stagnancy regarding relationships and that they had grown and would likely slot together in a more compatible way. We were shown that their core identities had not actually changed and they were careening toward this inevitable dissolution of their relationship.

(putting the rest under a cut to save y'all's dashboards)

I think a lot of people were disappointed after 4x14 as well, which I understood in the context of what we were told (Buck and Taylor kissing and getting together because they're compatible in their goals now), but not in the context of what we were shown (Buck being suspicious right off the bat of why Taylor is waiting for him outside the hospital; Buck not running after Taylor because Ana called to tell him Eddie was awake; The will scene coming after and not before the kiss scene with Taylor).

I could literally go for pages dissecting scenes and transitions and other choices (hmu if you want any of that, it's hiatus season so that means it's peak crackheadery time), but for the sake of not doing that here I'll just mention the two scenes in s5 that really fucking sealed the deal for me:

Eddie holding Buck and Christopher's heart drawings in his hands

Ravi's "a partner should be someone who always has your back" comment to Buck.

Those two choices just . . . kind of floored me, tbh. And they wouldn't be significant if there was not precedence for that significance, because we've seen the extended metaphor of Eddie + hearts since s4, and the concept of partnerships and ideal partners being someone who "has your back" was the literal shooting off point of Buck and Eddie's relationship, and the stated reason Eddie and Shannon didn't work out.

Obviously these are my opinions and my beliefs but I feel pretty good about them. And also there's so much story that has already been told and so much story yet to be told, so I wouldn't give up hope just yet, but I can't singlehandedly convince you of that. I suggest going back and doing a rewatch because sometimes when you consume it all together like that and not piece by piece weekly, it's a lot harder to look away from.

I hope this helped at least a little bit, and if you need anymore clarification or anything else, feel free to reach out! It's hiatus season baby!

(and, yes, I am prepare to eat my words if all of this turns out to be nothing, but I am also prepared to dance upon the graves of all those who doubted. I'm ready for anything.)

[frost-sama-senpai-san]

The Jake discorse has me wiling out hold on. First off, Jake English is the absolute LOVE of my GODDAMN life. So jot that down. Also, before we get started, I need you to understand I am using **manipulative** as a neutral term.

Ok SO

Im looking at this duality of like Jake is either a Manipulative Mastermind or a dumb dumb idjit boy with no brain. And I'm sitting here like!!! Neither of the two are completely true, but they can coexist!!

Jake was a child who grew up COMPLETELY alone on an island where everything was waiting to kill him at any fucking second. It follows that he would become almost OBSESSIVE about the state of his FEW relationships after that type of life. Both for companionship and literal (in Lil Hal's case) physical protection.

DO I think Mr. English uses social manipulation on his friends? Yes, absolutely. Do I think it comes from a place of malace or intention to hurt? NO! Jake is OBSESSED with how his friends view him. He is terrified that ONE DAY his friends are going to see him how he sees himself — a sad, lonely kid. So, he has to project the simultaneous images of "badass masculine movie hero" and "lovable goofballwith no brain who needs protection". The former is for HIS OWN self image, and the latter is for the PERCIEVED image of him. These two things are often contradictory... except... in the case of weaponized incompetence.

Aside from the Toxic Masculinity connotations of a lot of Jake's younger thought patterns (that he DOES actively try to unlearn), Jake PRETENDS he doesn't understand how feelings, emotions, and social cues work. He does this when he manipulates Jane into lying about how she has feelings with him by acting oblivious to them. We know he knew about Jane's feelings from a simultaneous chat log with Roxy. If he KNEW, why does he pretend he doesn't?

Remember how we talked about Jake being OBSESSED with his friends' opinions of him? If Jake were to come right out and say "No, I don't feel the same way," his relationship with Jane would become strained and almost inhospitable (at least for a little while), and Jake CANNOT handle that. His anxiety levels would go absolutely fucking BONKERS, SO, in an effort to avoid that nastiness, he forces Jane's hand into letting him off the hook. This is Best Case Scenario for Jake, as, now, the only person Jane can be mad at is herself. After all, SHE was the one who said she didn't have feelings for Jake.

I have a TON of thoughts on this but I'm gonna brief: We ALSO see it in the dissolution of Jake and Dirk's relationship. Jake had an image of Dirk in his head that didn't match the REAL Dirk. Now, in a healthy relationship, this would be something to work through and reconcile; however, there are some parts of Real Dirk that Jake doesn't necessarily like. Instead of being honest and communicating, Jake is SO conflict avoidant that he goes OUT OF HIS WAY to alienate Real Dirk from their relationship. Ugh, I can't remember the chat log, but I distinctly remember Jake talking to SOMEONE about how he and Dirk are growing apart and how he wishes the whole thing would just disappear. That would be the easiest option, right? Well, the next best thing? Blaming the breakdown on SOMEONE ELSE.

He puts Dirk in the position of the "bad guy", implying that it was *Dirk's* fault things were bad, and not his OWN inability to communicate. That way, Dirk can't be mad at JAKE. Again, like Jane, Dirk can only be mad at HIMSELF.

Ok, if you've read this far, you're probably thinking I'm firmly on the Manipulative Mastermind side of this argument, right? Wrong!

I think Jake does a lot of this as a survival mechanism. A lot of it might even be second nature. We see in the Post Trickster Smackdown from Jane, Jake is absolutely WRECKED. He is totally, horrifically GOBSMACKED by the consequences of his actions... not bc he believes they were unwarranted, but bc he KNOWS he DESERVES IT. He calls himself a coward, over and over again, bc he KNOWS his inability to face conflict is ACTIVELY HARMING his friends, and degrading his friends' opinions of him. BUT, just bc he's self-aware, that doesn't mean that second nature instinct just GOES AWAY. It can't! It's been built into him since he was a child, and, bc of the EXACT image he's built, it's been unknowingly enabled for YEARS.

Jake takes the Jane smackdown VERY hard. To the point where he becomes almost lifeless for most of the rest of the comic. His friends dont like him anymore, they TOLERATE him, BARELY. He has ended up in his worst fear — alone, with his friends thinking he doesn't care about THEM. Which couldn't be farther from the truth.

WHICH BRINGZ US TO THE CLINAX!

Up until this point, Jake has been picking fights he KNOW he can win. Whether it be social, or literal physical fights, Jake has not engaged in anything that could TRULY hurt him. He hid on his island until Lil Hal gave him freedom. He hid from the percieved danger of social downfall. He's been a coward, his entire life... until... THE moment he runs into TRUE REAL DANGER.

He steps in front of Jane to save her life. This is THE height of his arc. He cares SO much about his friend, the friend who FORCED him to look DIRECTLY into the eyes of his failure, he would do the one thing he's never done before. Without a second thought, Jake dives for her life, knowing it would kill him.

And that, my friends, is why I think the Jake discourse is silly. He IS manipulative, but he also loves his friends SO incredibly much. He doesn't do it to hurt THEM — he does it to protect himself.

The boy just needs some fucking therapy.

If you made it this far, thank you. As a reminder, I love discourse, but I do not take criticism. Amen, God bless. Go Mets.

[mermaidsirennikita]

What are your thoughts of Sebastian and Evie as a couple? before reading it I really wondered how he was gonna fall for her, it was a pleasent surprise, I adored them together

Oh, they're one of my favorite romance couples! Such a great love story, and imo probably the definitive rake/wallflower romance of the moment. It's just so well done. He's such an asshole. She's a good girl but she's not too sweet, and certainly not holier than thou. That is one thing I love about Evie. She's really not super moralistic. Even by going to Sebastian, she's basically putting her own issues ahead of the fact that he kidnapped her best friend, and tbh? Evie's issues are so bad that it makes sense, but it's a tough call and she makes it at the very beginning. Evie judges Sebastian for being an asshole, but he is legitimately very much an asshole... and she gets her life from fucking him anyway sooo.

I think that they work so well because Evie never seems to be like... pathetic. She's totally someone I bought entrancing him when we read it from his perspective. Like, yeah, she was shy, she had a speech impediment (which lessened as she got more confident, but never fully went away, which I liked), but she didn't totally lack confidence, and the more Sebastian uplifted her the more confident she became. She was also clearly super hot (like this voluptuous redhead) and she clearly was naturally a super sexual person, too. Like. That's one thing I think a lot of people miss when they try to portray this book as a typical rake/wallflower romance. Rake/wallflower is a classic trope and I love it, but if you put it up like this plain Jane who just looks at herself and the mirror and goes "ho hum, how could anyone like poor me" and then lays there and gasps while he goes to town is going to capture the heart of this dissolute rake for the rest of his life... I don't buy it.

Evie is great. Like, Sebastian is an awesome hero, but Evie is an equally fabulous heroine. She stands up to him and calls him out from day one (there's a reason why he calls her a judgmental bitch within the first few chapters lol) and once he's introduced her to sex... Like, she's got principles, she's not gonna just let him do whatever he wants, but she's obviously a naturally carnal person? Like, the scene where he's recovering from his gunshot wound and she's like "you're gonna lose that bet" and hops on top while he's like OH NO I COULDN'T POSSIBLY is.... fabulous. And she's also quite funny in a quiet way, on top of being a sweet person. So it totally makes sense that Evie would get his attention and keep it.

I also love that they stay super horny well into their later years. The scene in one of the Ravenels books (I think it was Devil in Spring?) where he finds her with her hair in a braid and is like "oh look it's a wanton maid and I'm the gross master of the house this is great for me"... gold.