#I also don't get why Dissolution didn't work

[moisette]

People hate camping. A lot. I get it. It's not fun dying. However, it doesn't make the Killer toxic or a shitty person. It also doesn't give you an easy 4k. It's very situational. Like this clip - I got camped to death after gens got done. It's fine that he camped me. I'd also camp me. It's not toxic and it's nothing to be ashamed of. Survivors should be willing to make a trade in this situation. If your teammates don't want to trade then you die. I'm SoloQ so I couldn't communicate with my teammates but I said "I would just take the 3 out." Nea tried but I had missed a skill check because I suck xD; I died but I thought the match was kind of fun. I wanted to make sure Ace didn't die and my goal was achieved.

This Dredge chose to tunnel me and I tried to last as long as I could so the gens would get done. He was not toxic for tunneling - the match was about to be over so tunneling makes sense. Even though he tunneled me - he still only got a 2k. That is not a win, it's a draw. Mikaela and Meg sitting on gens was the correct response to me getting tunneled.

[twobluejeans]

HEARTBREAK ON TOUR!

charles leclerc x famous!reader

summary: in which the lavender haze has been lifted. or in which america’s it couple splits.

part 8: you’re losing me, part 7: revenge dress, series masterlist

faceclaim: madison beer

ally’s radio 📻: PART 8! taylor swift deserves jail time for creating you’re losing me. taylor swift also deserves jail time for not officially releasing it. def recommend listening to it reading the chapter! (might have to stream illegally bc mother is being stingy 🙄.)

INSTAGRAM, july 17 (midnight)

liked by paulwesley, ninadobrev, and 13,333,112 others

yourinstagram and just like that, the final chapter of Midnights, is out now. this is my most personal body of work that i'm putting out into the universe, and i'm so scared yet excited to share her with u. thank u to my team, my producer jackantonoff turned dearest friend of almost 7 years (woah!!!) we spent many noons & midnights on this album and i'm forever in debt n grateful. thank u to all my other friends who i didn't mention, yk who u are. to everyone else, thank u for your persistent patience and support. it does not go unnoticed. from my heart to yours, midnights (till dawn edition), is available on all streaming platforms. i love u. thank u 💗.

View all 101,273 comments

leclerccharl ain’t that the teddy bear charles won for her at the fair forever ago??!

y/nsfeverdreamhigh leclerccharl o em gee yeah..

fernandoalonso_offical Proud of you cariño

barbie 🥹🥹💗💗

landonoriss screaming crying shaking throwing up

danielricciardo gagging choking ascending to god

authur_leclerc Love you always, Proud of you always ❤️

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TWITTER, july 17

The song’s big question: “Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?”

BY: ALLY PUBLISHED: JULY 17, 2023

Y/n L/n’s lyrical candidness is what has always made her standout as a songwriter. Whether she was writing about young love, relationships, or breakups, her songs never flinched from trying to paint a full picture, even if it was one that was hard to look at.

It’s been a while since the super star has released a breakup song, but it was only a matter of time; since the singer split with Charles Leclerc, fans have already began anticipating the inevitable breakup album. But it turns out they didn’t have to wait long. At Midnight (July 17), L/n released a second deluxe edition of her 2022 album Midnights, which included four new songs, among them the release of “You’re Losing Me,” a song fans have deciphered as ostensibly about her split with Leclerc.

via @yourinstagram on instagram

The nearly 5-minute track is a devastating relationship ender if we’ve ever heard one, as it details the hopeless and tragic dissolution of a relationship. Though L/n doesn’t include any names or details, it’s not hard to see why fans are interpreting it as being about her and Leclerc. 

When Entertainment Weekly first broke the news of their split in April, sources for both parties diplomatically described the breakup as amicable, and that “it was not dramatic.” “The relationship had just run its course,” one source told ET. However, that story was debunked as L/n herself, stated Leclerc had an affair with Australian Youtuber Lola Ransdell, in one of her Eras Tour Shows.  With the release of “You’re Losing Me,” L/n seems to offer a window into her perspective of how things ended while also releasing one of the most devastating songs she’s ever written.

Its lyrics don’t waste any time getting into the tragic heart of the matter. “You say, ‘I don't understand,’ and I say, ‘I know you don’t’/ We thought a cure would come through in time, now, I fear it won’t/ Remember looking at this room, we loved it ‘cause of the light/ Now I just sit in the dark and wonder if it's time,” she sings in the first verse, painting a portrait of two people who are unaligned and have seemingly grown apart in their relationship.

The pre-chorus lays out the song’s big question: “Do I throw out everything we built or keep it?” But waiting for resolution feels like something L/n doesn’t want to do anymore: “I'm getting tired, even for a phoenix/ Always rising from the ashes/ Mending all her gashes/ You might just have dealt the final blow,” she sings.

The most heart-wrenching part of the song comes in on the chorus, as she warns her other half, “Stop, you're losing me/ Stop, you’re losing me/ Stop, you’re losing me I can't find a pulse/ My heart won't start anymore/ For you/ ‘Cause you're losing me.” The lyrics mirror the song’s production which sounds like a quietly pulsing heartbeat, driving the knife’s blade of the song in even deeper.

Perhaps L/n’s biggest skill on this song is being able to convey all the heartbreak and roiling emotion without actually providing any specifics into the breakup. 

“You’re Losing Me” is rife with frank, confessional lyrics, but still keeps many of the exact contours of the split obscure. There are no accusations or fingers pointed at who’s at fault. There are no mic drop moments or explosive gossip; The closest L/n gets to revealing any details is on the second verse, when she seems to suggest that the relationship hadn’t been OK for a while now.

“Every morning, I glared at you with storms in my eyes/ How can you say that you love someone you can't tell is dying?/ I sent you signals and bit my nails down to the quick/ My face was gray, but you wouldn't admit that we were sick,” she sings.

On the bridge, L/n reveals that she “wouldn’t marry me either,” perhaps offering the tiniest, sliver of hints into one of the other reasons why they ultimately fell apart: “And I wouldn't marry me either/ A pathological people pleaser/ Who only wanted you to see her/ And I'm fading, thinking/ Do something, babe, say something (say something)/ Lose something, babe, risk something (risk something)/ Choose something, babe, I got nothing (I got nothing)/ To believe, unless you’re choosing me.”

It’s the lack of details, the palpable restraint despite L/n’s clear heartbreak behind its lyrics, that makes “You’re Losing Me” perhaps the most devastating song in her catalog (yes, even more so than “All Too Well.”) Amid the grief and sadness of the song, there’s also a feeling of inevitability, of sorrow that nothing more could be done, of pointlessly waiting for action when you know nothing is coming.

 In some regards, it’s one of L/n’s most mature breakup songs in her catalog, regardless of whoever it’s about. And if this is just a “from the vault” track, it makes one wonder what an albums-worth of these songs would sound like.

SEE MORE RELATED POSTS:

• Lola Ransdell Cancelled over resurfaced racism tweets

• Lola Ransdell loses brand deals over Y/n L/n drama

• Charles Leclerc finally breaks his silence over Y/n L/n Breakup

ally’s radio 📻:a filler chapter im sorry😞 but anyways, the related stories r a sneak peak of the next chapter🤫 if u asked me to tag u and i didn’t, pls send me a message or inbox me bc it might’ve gotten lost 😭 i try to stay up-to-date but sometimes i miss people so pls lmk!!!

taglist 🦢🪩: @incoherenciass@dakotali@405rry@topaz125@sassyheroneckgiant@hevburn@itsmytimetoodream@ivegotparticulartaste@crowdedimagines @asterianax @haydee5010@scenesofobx@christinabae@magical-spit@dessxoxsworld@myareadsbooks@honethatty12@hopefulinlove@diasnohibng@gentlemonsterjennie1@hummusxx@eugene-emt-roe@taestrwbrry @perjarma @cxcewg@chimchimjiminie16@glow-ish@allywthsr @millyswife @mrsmaybank13 @black-swan-blog27 @stargaryenx @lilsiz @ohthemisssery @leclerclvr @slytherinjimin3nthusiast @shessthunderstoms @cool-ultra-nerd @ncentic @playboykenz @canvashearts @tinyhrry @xeliaaaa @ifionlywould @gaviypedrisbride @callsignwindow @dhhdhsiavdhaj @chasing-liberosis @laneyspaulding19 @a-daydreamers-day @saikikusouswife @motorsp0rt @lifesuckslife @shessthunderstoms @drewsandsebastianswife @sainzluvrr @ietss

[thankskenpenders]

IDW's Fang the Hunter miniseries! All four issues are out now! I don't have as much to say about it as I did with the Knuckles show, but I do have some thoughts.

So! This is a pretty fun miniseries. I liked it.

It's fun to see Ian get to write a four-issue arc starring the Hooligans, his precious boys, with a B-plot showing Sonic and Tails' perspective on this little adventure. As always, Ian captures the characters' voices well. In particular, I really liked Bean in this, who despite being a slapstick screwball is actually a pretty perceptive guy. He often acts as sort of a voice of reason for Fang, seeing right through his sweet talking and pointing out how badly all of their schemes go but sticking around nonetheless just for funsies. And the art (illustrated this time by Mauro Fonseca for the first issue and Thomas Rothlisberger for the rest) is as good as we've come to expect from IDW's Classic Sonic output. Overall, this is a fun little romp that captures the vibes of the Classic era very well.

...But...

Well, as I've said before with the Amy and Tails anniversary specials, I feel like we're kind of seeing diminishing returns with these Classic spinoffs. They're fun, sure, and very nice to look at, but their writing always leave me wanting more.

A big part of this is just that there's just less to work with compared to the Modern universe. The Classic cast is much smaller, and within that cast there are a bunch of characters currently going unused, some of which are currently off-limits. Aside from the appearance of the Witchcarters in Tails' special, we've pretty much just stuck with the cast of Sonic Mania and the Hooligans, as established in the first special. No Chaotix, no Battle Bird Armada, barely any Honey. (Classic Vector was able to get a tiny cameo in the Amy special only because he was so obscured that it gave the IDW team plausible deniability to say it was actually a different character if Sega complained.) It's a very small box, and Ian's recent Classic comics haven't particularly expanded the boundaries of that box. They're just excuses to play the hits for old times' sake. And that was a lot of fun the first time around, but the novelty is starting to wear off for me.

I will admit, sure, the tighter focus on a specific set of characters from the games is a big part of the appeal of these Classic comics. They're simpler. They're nostalgic. They're shining the spotlight on characters that can't be used in the main series. They're the slavishly faithful old school Sonic comics that we could never get in the '90s, because the comics we did get diverged into their own continuities with tons of new characters. I get all that.

But the thing is, the Sonic comics have always added all those new characters because you can just do so much more with them. The game cast is great! But they're corporate mascots Sega keeps on a tight leash. You can do so much with a character like Sally or Surge that you could never do with any of the game characters, and by pushing into new territory with these new characters you can also bring out interesting new sides of the game cast. Maybe Sonic himself can't have some crazy complex character arc, but you can see how he'll respond to the things going on with these other characters, and how these other characters' arcs are informed by their relationships with Sonic.

So I look at the Fang miniseries, and I'm like. This was pretty fun. But by the end, what was the point of the story? What did we learn about the Hooligans as characters that we didn't already know? Is the point just to depict an adventure where things go off the rails a little and Bean and Bark end up a little miffed, explaining why they weren't with Fang in Superstars? There's potential for an arc there about the dissolution of the group, but it really does come off more as the type of spat these three probably get into all the time before coming back together for the next job. It's neither super dramatic nor super funny, feeling more like it ends on a fairly matter-of-fact note where Fang's like "welp, time to go do the events of Sonic Superstars" at the end, not particularly plussed by anything that happened in this arc. What we're left with is four issues of the Hooligans encountering recognizable characters and visiting recognizable locations from the Classic games, with little that really feels new or fresh here.

Ironically, the most interesting story element to me here (aside from Bean's characterization) is its tie to the main comics, something previous specials couldn't do since Sega had yet to reunify the Classic and Modern timelines. The plot of this comic revolves around Fang following the myth of the "eighth Chaos Emerald," riffing on both old playground rumors and Sonic the Fighters. What they actually end up finding isn't an extra Emerald, but rather the Warp Topaz that would eventually end up in Starline's possession in the Modern era, having apparently been found by the Hard-Boiled Heavies in the cave seen in the 900th Adventure special.

That's kinda neat, and the abilities of the Warp Topaz are used in fun ways. But this isn't exactly something to write home about for people who aren't lore nerds like me. There isn't a particularly meaningful connection between Fang and Starline's arcs here due to the presence of the Warp Topaz, it's just a thing for the wiki. Again, Ian's in his connect the dots mode a little more than I'd like here.

(...So wait, if Starline didn't find the Warp Topaz himself, did he track down the cave where the Heavies found it to leave that "greatness began here" graffiti? Eh, I guess that sounds like something he'd do. He's known for nothing if not his obsessiveness.)

So, again. This was a pretty good miniseries. This all makes it sound like I hated it, but I did like it overall. I particularly liked seeing the Hooligans fight the Hard-Boiled Heavies. But it leaves me feeling less fulfilled than something like Scrapnik Island or Tangle & Whisper or Imposter Syndrome. I get that, by the very definition of the word, Classic Sonic is always going to remain trapped in amber to some extent. This isn't the version of the franchise that's supposed to grow and change. That's what Modern Sonic does. Classic Sonic will always be trapped in the early '90s. I'm not asking for them to add a dozen new characters with complex dramatic arcs to the Classic comics, since that's not what Classic Sonic is about. But I think the other Classic Sonic stories not written by Ian - i.e. the driving school story by the McElroys and the two stories about Amy by Gale Galligan - show that you can tell fresh new Classic Sonic stories that aren't just about remixing the hits from the games.

If we're going to continue getting Classic Sonic comics from Ian (and I hope we do!), then I just hope he's able to find a better balance between familiar and new ideas, like he and Evan do so consistently with their Modern Sonic output.

[mitzvahmelting]

an overview of the Théâtre des Vampires coven according to show canon (to the best of my knowledge)

section 1: the core acting company

apologies for shitty screenshots i made this on the fly and i could not be fucked to get high quality screencaps

Gustave - Currently part of the core acting company, he was a member of the coven since at least before Lestat's arrival, he's in those early scenes.

Celeste (pictured here with Santiago) - Currently part of the core acting company, was also a member of the coven in those early scenes. She and Gustave were seen together having most of the lines in those scenes representing the grub coven.

Estelle - here seen in both recognizable outfits for her. Currently part of the core acting company, her maker is Celeste.

I'm unclear on when Estelle was turned. I'm... pretty sure she's not in the scenes with the grub vampires, but it's possible that this is her handing out flyers for the first edition of the Theatre des Vampires... what do you think? Same lady? 👇

If that's her, then that might imply that Celeste turned her at some point between the dissolution of the grub coven and the reestablishment of the Theater coven, which would make sense in my opinion since I can't picture Armand actually approving for Celeste to turn someone

The final member of the core acting company is Santiago, but I'm skipping him because he's a main character so you already know him.

section 2: the orchestra

Basilic - part of the orchestra, Basilic was also a member of the grub coven.

He's seen in that flashback ☝ playing an instrument which @bloodripelives identified as potentially a chalumeau. (i spent 3 months calling this guy merde'em by mistake, fuck me)

Here's the rest of the orchestra. From left to right: Merde'em, Basilic, Planche.

Don't ask me what instruments they play, I didn't try that hard but I'm sure you could check if you watched the B-roll hard enough.

Merde'em and Planche were both turned by Basilic at some point - presumably Basilic could have gotten approval from Armand to turn people because they needed an orchestra. I feel like that would be a sufficient reason for Armand to consent, especially if Lestat was co-leading the coven at the time. Also Nicky was probably around but I'm ignoring him because he's dead by now so you don't have to try to spot him in the 1940s coven scenes.

Don't ask me why Merde'em is literally named "shittem," your guess is as good as mine.

Planche has a good relationship with Eglee - we see him squeezing her shoulder to comfort her during the dinner scene at the restaurant. Speaking of, let's talk about her and everyone else.

section 3: everyone else

Eglee - Front of house. Because we see humans handling the ticket counter when Louis and Claudia arrive, that means that Eglee must be the manager of all the ticket counter staff and ushers.

actually on second thought i think the guy who louis and claudia see at the ticket counter with the fake fangs might actually have been Sam? idk, worth a look. Either way, front of house is Eglee's purview.

We see her sexually ride Santiago's motorcycle as well as suck him off in the lair.

During the 2x04 "Lulu Dress" confrontation between Armand and Claudia, Santiago jumps to Claudia's defense and criticizes Armand. At this point in time, Celeste throws her support behind Santiago and also verbally criticizes Armand, which Santiago appreciates.

Seeing Celeste unexpectedly throw her support behind Santiago (and knowing that Celeste and Santiago have had an on-again-off-again thing for years), Eglee gets jealous and shouts "put your tits back in your bloomers, slut!" before attacking Celeste onstage, to Estelle's delighted shock.

then Eglee is later jealous and morose at the restaurant scene

Tuan (left, father) and Quang (right, son).

Tuan does the projections and works alone in the projection booth all show.

Quang is a swing actor, so he's sometimes on stage and presumably serves as an understudy for most of the male roles.

Because Quang "refused the dark gift until he was old enough to be on stage", we know that presumably Armand allowed Tuan and Quang to join the coven while Quang was still mortal. Which is fucking wild, but I won't be getting into that with more depth here.

Also, Tuan and Quang Pham are from Vietnam, which was called "French Indochina" at the time because colonization. We don't know when specifically they were invited into the coven, but that can give you a rough lower bound on the years. here's a map of the french conquest of vietnam by years, from the french indochina wikipedia page.

the upper bound would probably be the 1900s? because they would have to have been brought into the coven 1. before santiago, and 2. long enough before santiago that Quang had time to grow up and be turned before Santiago was turned.

Romaine - stage manager. No idea when he was turned or brought in. From his behavior in the scene with the restaurant, we can see that he's tasked with giving Armand updates and reports about what's going on with the coven. He's a snitch.

He's also the one who interrupts Armand during the gallery scene, after he finished telling Louis about Amadeo. Romaine phones in on the vamp wifi and tells Armand that Claudia is at Madeleine's atelier. (Or possibly Romaine just tells him "there's a body rotting on the green room floor" and Armand tracks down Claudia himself). Either way: Romaine's a snitch.

Samuel "Sam" Barclay - a nod to real life playwright Samuel Beckett. Armand refers to him as the "playwright in residence" so personally i want to headcanon that he's not actually a part of the coven, though I have no evidence to support that.

He's basically a main character so I'm not gonna talk about him much more here, but like. I'm interested to see what they do with him. We don't know when he was turned, we don't know who turned him, we don't know how old he is. We do know that he got away from Louis' rampage and became a friend of the Talamasca. We also do know that he's a DJ in 2022 and wears a helmet when he performs.

Center, here, is Hans Luchenbaum, the costume designer. We don't really know much more about him, except that he's most often referred to as Luchenbaum, and he sounds a little more german than french? idk.

That's all folks! <3 hope that was helpful. if i got anything wrong, which i probably did, go ahead and tell me please. also go read my fics. eventually i'll post the fucking coven fic on there.

[aishangotome]

Ellis Twilight: Chapter 20

Chapter 19 Premium Story

It was that evening when Jude and Ellis were summoned by William.

William: I apologize for the sudden summons.

Ellis: No––

Jude glared at Ellis, whom he was seeing for the first time in days.

Jude: Oi, Ellis, you have somethin' to tell me first.

Jude: Where were ya without even handin' over yer work?

Ellis: ...I went to see Victor.

Ellis: To ask if I could be removed as Kate's bodyguard.

Jude: Hah?

Jude's voice grew even colder.

Jude: I told ya to take responsibility for yer own mess.

Jude: If you're goin' to abandon her because you're tired of it, don' involve 'er in the first place.

Ellis: It's not because I'm tired of it. It's just––

Ellis: Anything that would cause her misfortune shouldn't be by Kate's side.

Ellis declared flatly, in other words, that he himself was the source of Kate's misfortune.

Jude: ...Where is she now?

Ellis: ...? "She" meaning Kate?

Jude: No one has seen 'er since she went to yer room.

Ellis: Eh...?

In the brief silence, William's voice cut in.

William: I apologize for interrupting your private conversation, but...

William: I have some bad news regarding Kate.

Ellis: ...Bad news?

Jude: Tch... What is it?

William: Kate's whereabouts are unknown.

Jude: ...Huh?

Ellis: ––What!?

William: Based on eyewitness accounts throughout London, the culprit is likely a remnant of the gang you two apprehended before.

William: "The noble Privy Council of Her Majesty" secretly paid their bail and had them released.

Ellis: Why...?

William: To them, we at Crown are a stain on Britain that must be eradicated immediately.

William: But to speak out against an organization directly under Her Majesty, they need to have some leverage.

William: That's why they probably thought of using the gang.

William: They must have known that Crown was involved in resolving the kidnapping case by the gang.

William: By inciting revenge against those we had arrested, it would be easy to make them attack us.

William: I don't know if the Privy Council was aware of Kate's existence, but...

William: If they could create a situation where an ordinary citizen became a victim due to a Crown mission...

William: That would be enough for them to recommend the dissolution of Crown to Her Majesty.

Jude: ...When was she kidnapped?

William: This evening, apparently.

William: For a clever robin who has always kept her promises to leave her cage with either of her bodyguards...

William: Did something happen?

Ellis: ...!

As if propelled by a spring, Ellis dashed out of the hall.

Jude didn't follow him; instead, he pressed William for answers.

Jude: For someone kidnapped jus' a few hours ago, ya seem to have an awful lotta information.

Jude: ––You weren't lettin' 'em do as they please, were ya?

William: ...Certainly not.

Jude grabbed William by the collar, who was smiling nonchalantly.

Jude: Do ya even realize what ya've dragged that damn idiot into?

William: Of course.

William: ––I also know how angry you'll be about it.

Jude: ...You bastard.

William: ...............

-

(Where... am I?)

When I opened my eyes, I was in pitch darkness.

It was so dark that I couldn't even tell if my eyes were open or closed, and I strained them desperately.

I tried to sit up, but my arms were bound tightly and wouldn't move.

Kate: ––!

(My body is tied up with rope...)

As soon as I raised my head, I bumped into something, and I realized I was crammed into a narrow, coffin-like box.

I tried to push up the ceiling with my forehead, but it wouldn't budge.

(I can't get out...)

––Then, perhaps noticing the sound, a voice came from outside.

Man's voice: Oh... are you awake already?

Kate: ...!

I held my breath as the sound of footsteps on the floor drew closer.

Man's voice: The only time you'll get out of there is when you die.

Man's voice: "Keep her alive as bait for a few days, and if the prey doesn't take the bait, kill her brutally and display her body on London Bridge."

Man's voice: Sorry, but those are my orders.

A chill ran down my spine, and all the blood drained from my face in terror.

But panicking now wouldn't help me escape this coffin.

(At least I know I won't be killed for a few days, so I need to calm down...)

I took a deep breath and searched for clues, retracing my memories.

(From the way he spoke, it seems like this man is also acting under someone else's orders...)

("Prey" means they're trying to lure someone who would come to rescue me, right?)

(The enemy's target is... Jude and Ellis...?)

As members of Crown, and having acted as my "bodyguards," those two would be compelled to act to prevent any confidential information from leaking out once they realize I'm missing.

(––To put those two... to put Crown in danger, I'm a failure as a Fairytale Keeper.)

I shouldn't have recklessly left the castle alone.

But it's too late to regret my impulsive actions now.

(Back then, I felt like if I didn't chase after him, I would never see Ellis again.)

(But... if that means Ellis might be put in danger––)

I would regret that more than never seeing him again.

(I have to find a way to escape...)

(Even if it means making a deal, I'll do anything.)

Kate: ...Why are you doing this?

Man's voice: It's revenge against you and your buddies who threw us in jail.

Perhaps thinking I'm going to die anyway, the man outside readily answers.

(Jail...?)

Kate: Don't tell me... you're from the gang that was behind the kidnapping...?

Man's voice: A certain someone, you see, got us out of jail on the condition that we take revenge on you lot.

Man's voice: I don't know what grudge such a noble person has against a mere trader and his guards, but...

Man's voice: It doesn't matter to us.

(...Which means...)

They either don't know about "Crown" or haven't been told.

(Are these people being used too...?)

Man's voice: But it'd be a waste to kill you. I could help you escape secretly, you know?

(Eh?)

(...Even if I think about it calmly, there's no way I can get out of here on my own.)

The coffin I was trapped in was sturdy, and the lid seemed to be securely locked, refusing to budge.

Even when I felt around, there were no cracks or gaps.

(If that's the case, my only option is to beg for my life and then seize an opportunity to escape when I'm out of the coffin...)

(––The chances of success are low, but I have no choice.)

Kate: ...H-help me––

Man's voice: As if. No way, idiot!

(What...?)

Man's voice: If we don't kill you, we'll end up back in jail. Well, despair until you die.

Man's voice: If you're really desperate, I'll show you some affection when it's time to kill you.

The man's scornful laughter and footsteps faded away.

A heavy, metallic door slammed shut with a clang.

(There was no room for negotiation...)

"Despair until you die" –– the man's parting words echoed in my mind.

(I can't give up. I have to wait for an opportunity.)

-

(––How much time has passed since then...?)

My vision was still shrouded in darkness, with no light leaking in, and I was losing my sense of time.

My throat was parched, my stomach was empty, and every part of my body ached from being unable to move.

(A few hours? Or still just a few minutes?)

He said they would keep me alive for a few days, but I had no idea how much longer this situation would continue.

(Will there be a chance to escape?)

(Maybe until I'm killed...)

(I'll be like this forever––)

I desperately tried to shake off such thoughts that kept creeping into my mind.

The darkness was like an open mouth, a fear of being swallowed up without resistance.

(N-no, no! I have to think about something fun. Let's see...)

The image of the flower field at twilight, where I spent time with Ellis, suddenly came to mind.

(Ah...)

The happy feelings from that time vividly resurfaced, and in the next moment, those memories pierced my heart like a sharp pain.

(Happiness is like the twilight sky, its colors quickly changing.)

The throbbing ache in my chest reminded me of Ellis's words.

Happy times pass by in an instant.

Yet, the brilliance of those memories, burned into my mind, only emphasized the coldness, the darkness, the pain of the reality before me.

(For two years after the accident, Ellis's brother...)

(He must have been gradually consumed in this kind of darkness.)

Right in front of Ellis.

I'll probably never be able to fully understand the weight, the desperation in Ellis's words when he said he "wants to make happiness eternal."

(But now, I think I can understand, just a little.)

Just as my heart was about to break from the darkness and fear, I heard a loud noise in the distance.

Kate: ....!

It sounded like a scream, like a roar.

The sound of something breaking and shattering, the sound of something heavy collapsing, and then––silence.

And then, the sound of hurried footsteps approaching.

Ellis: Kate...!

(That voice...!)

Kate: Ellis....!

For a moment, joy welled up inside me.

But in the next instant, a much greater fear washed over me.

(No... If he stays here, he'll be playing right into the enemy's hands.)

Kate: Run!

Ellis: ....!

The footsteps drew closer, and the heavy, iron door creaked open.

(Was Ellis locked up too?)

(But... if it's just Ellis...)

Kate: Ellis, listen!

Kate: The people who kidnapped me were trying to use me as bait to lure you and the others...!

Kate: So you have to escape before someone finds you, it's dangerous––

Ellis: ...It's okay.

Ellis: It's okay, Kate.

(Eh...)

There was a cracking sound, like something breaking.

Then, the rattling of chains falling to the floor.

The coffin I was trapped in slowly opened––and from my vision, dazzlingly white, Ellis's form gradually came into focus.

Ellis: ...It's okay, because what you're worried about won't happen.

(Ellis...)

Ellis––his hands, his face, were covered in blood.

Kate: ...!

Ellis: ...See?

Understanding the meaning behind his "It's okay," I felt tears welling up.

He didn't explicitly say "I killed them all" to protect my heart.

He's the kind of person who can wish for the happiness of others, no matter how much he gets dirty or hurt.

That's why I fell in love with him.

Kate: ...I'm sorry.

Ellis: Why are you apologizing...?

Kate: Because I like you... I didn't want to make the person I like do such a thing...

Ellis: Don't worry about it. It's not more important than saving you, Kate.

Kate: I was selfish and did something terrible to you, Ellis...

Ellis: Terrible...?

Ellis blinked as if he didn't understand what I meant.

Kate: I didn't properly consider your feelings and acted horribly... I'm sorry.

Ellis: My feelings...?

Kate: After hearing your story... I...

Kate: My mind was filled with the thought that "I might be killed."

Ellis: ...That's––

Kate: You didn't want to "kill" me, did you?

Ellis: ...?

His eyes wavered.

Ellis's feelings are surely still left behind on that twilight hill.

I placed my hand over his blood-soaked one.

Ellis: No... I wanted to kill my brother, and I killed him.

Ellis: I'll surely want to kill you too, Kate.

Kate: That might be true, but... how should I put it?

Kate: You were so scared when I almost died, Ellis.

Kate: You always looked happy when we made promises for tomorrow.

Kate: If you only wanted to "kill me and make me unable to go anywhere"... you wouldn't be like that.

Kate: If you were to kill me, Ellis, it would be... because you truly love me,

Kate: And because you're filled with the desire to not make me unhappy.

There's no point in imagining what-ifs.

But I can't help but think––what if, on that twilight hill, your brother had wished for a "continuation"?

(What if he had been able to think that maybe tomorrow would be even happier?)

(I think you probably wouldn't have killed him.)

Kate: I think I understand a little now, from the time I've spent with you, how happiness can fade in an instant, and how scary it is that happy memories can ruin a life.

Kate: But... even so. Even if I knew I would fall into despair tomorrow...

Kate: I want to live with you, Ellis, believing that tomorrow might be happier than today.

The vast amount of blood he was covered in was staining my hand the same color.

(My hand is the same color as Ellis's...)

I thought vaguely, and smiled faintly.

Kate: I think I can be happy every day if I'm with you, so you won't have to worry that I'll be unhappy tomorrow.

Kate: Even so...

Kate: ...If the time comes when you want to kill me, Ellis, that's okay too.

Ellis: ...?

Ellis's eyes widened in surprise.

Kate: Because that means you love me that much and wish for my happiness, right?

Ellis's desire––might entangle, drag in, and bind, just as his curse dictates.

But it will only bind me within happiness, overflowing with Ellis's love.

Kate: It's not that you "want to kill the person you love,"

Kate: But that you "want to lock the person you love in happiness with your own hands."

Kate: That's surely... your true wish, Ellis. That's what I felt when I looked at you.

Spending peaceful days together, inviting you on exciting vacations,

––Even bringing about eternal death could become a means to that end.

It might indeed be a sinful thing.

Kate: But if that's your "selfishness"... then I'm not afraid, even if I'm killed in the end.

Kate: I want to be selfishly loved by you, Ellis.

Ellis: ...Kate.

Ellis's face crumpled.

I wanted to touch his cheeks, which looked like he was about to cry, but I wanted Ellis to reach out to me, so I just stared into his eyes.

Ellis: …Someday.

Ellis: When the happiest moment imaginable comes to you...

Ellis: When I think that there will never be a happier day in my life than now...

Ellis: ... I think I would probably laugh at that moment.

Ellis: Truly, from the bottom of my heart, out of happiness.

Ellis: Even so, aren't you scared...?

Kate: … Yeah.

Kate: It's true that killing someone you love and feeling happy about it.... is a bit strange.

Kate: But, it's okay.

Kate: I thought you were a bit of a troubled person from the start, Ellis.

Ellis: ...!

I realized that my vision was blocked, and I was being held tightly.

Ellis: A troubled person... since when...?

Kate: Hmm... Pretty much from the beginning.

Kate: But, even so... I fell in love with you.

The breath I inhaled was filled with the gentle scent of Ellis's shirt, like freshly laundered linen, rather than the lingering smell of blood... and even though I was happy, I felt tears welling up.

Ellis: Kate.

Kate: ...Yes?

Ellis: I love you.

Ellis: I love you, Kate.

Ellis: I love you so much that I want to be the only one to make you happy.

Kate: ...Okay.

Ellis: I love you so much that I want you to be unable to live without me.

Kate: Okay.

Ellis: I love you so much.. I want to kill you when you're still happy.

Kate: ..........Okay.

His arms wrapped around me, sweetly squeezing my heart.

I thought this was the happiest moment of my life.

But––I have a feeling that an even greater happiness awaits us.

Ellis: Stay with me forever.

Ellis: ...I won't let you go anymore.

.

.

.

.

.

Blind Love Ch. 21 | Mad Love Ch. 21

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[tia-amorosa]

Episode 58: Dissolution (Loong Part)

In the early evening.. After the house purchase had gone so well, Cassandra showed Lazlo around. He particularly liked the little gambling den. One of the slot machines quickly caught his attention. She watched curiously as he fought his way through level after level. And then it was a coincidence that she was discovered here. “I know those sexy leggings…! I can't believe it…what's she thinking?”.

Don walked in with quick steps, “Cassandra?”. When she heard his voice, her stomach suddenly tightened and she turned away from the vending machine. “D-Don, hello…“/”Why didn't you let me know you were back, when did you get back?“/”Since yesterday, I'm sorry, but a lot has happened, I had to deal with it first"// ‘and you're going to the arcade for that? ph….’.

It was obvious to everyone that Don was visibly angry. “Hey, don't be unfair, okay? Some things had to be clarified and restored first, I wanted to get in touch with you tonight"/ ”tonight first? Great, you're leaving your fiancé in the dark. I needed you here, do you hear me?“/”Are you sure? But I can't talk to you in this tone, not in here…”. She gestured towards the door to make it clear that she would rather talk to him outside.

Don was annoyed, but he complied with her request and went outside with the door slamming. “Are you really going to get this sorted?” Lazlo asked briefly. “I hope so. Please leave us alone, okay?"/ ‘,0.k., but if he…’/ ‘I'll manage, please!’. Lazlo pinched his lips together and just nodded. Then she went outside and the sounds of the slot machines fell silent behind her. “Can you please tell me what's wrong with you? And why are you drinking so much all of a sudden, it's not you!”. …

Don was annoyed, but still tried to get a few words out in a self-controlled manner. 'Hh, I was just frustrated, okay? You weren't there, Nina was busy with her move…“/”Nina? Moving? Where did she go?"/ ”Hh, she moved to Barnacle Bay with Dina, it was a spontaneous decision, she… She didn't want to talk to me about it because it must have had something to do with her sister. Jesus… And everyone else here is just focused on themselves, I was alone, okay? And then there's this shit with my doctor's license…"/ ‘What about it?’.

He turned around quickly and got louder. “Yes, what, I've lost her, Cassandra!“/”Please what? Why? And don't get any ideas about blaming me for it. You're responsible for drinking, you knew that I…“/”Yes, my mom, my mom… I know, o.k.?”. Then Don paused for a moment and took a deep breath. When she realized that he had slowly calmed down a little, she continued to talk to him calmly…. “Why did you lose your license, Don?”.

He went to the bench without a word and sat down. But she wanted to hear an answer from him. “I'm waiting, why?"/ ”Shit, man… It was Wednesday, they rang me out of bed at 3:30 in the morning for an operation. I wasn't really sober yet … and I accidentally cut the guy's tendon during the operation“/”I must have misheard you, you went into the operating theater still drunk?"/ “Don't make a scene now, I've had enough”.

„I'm not supposed to make a scene? You performed an operation under the influence of alcohol and then made a mistake…have they didn't realize you were still half drunk?“/”I had my methods to cover it up, okay? and someone had to operate on the guy…“/”hh… And now you're no longer allowed to work as a doctor?“/”yeah, and I don't think I want to anymore”.

“oh man, Don… But you also realize that it's your own fault“/”yes, yes, but if you had been here… “/"Then I wouldn't have said anything to you other than what I'm saying now, Don. Yes, and maybe you wouldn't have had anything to drink if I'd been here… But… It was really important to me with my mother. Believe it or not, I succeeded and… She's back here. And I… I've met someone.” There was silence again for a moment. Then he looked up at her and. He pointed with his thumb behind him in the direction of the arcade… “He?”/ “Y-Yes”…

He remained seated calmly. She actually expected a different reaction. “Please… Say something, Don?"/ ”What do you want to hear? Congratulations?“/ ,,No, but…”/ ,,You know what? I actually wanted to run away with you, away from here, away from this town and away from your old man, I would have allowed you to take your brother with you"/ ”I… But I don't want to go anywhere with you, Don. If you want to go, then… you'll have to do it without me from now on…”.

While they were talking outside, Lazlo was standing inside behind the window pane, unknowing. And of course he could only guess what they were talking about. He was just a little surprised at how calmly Don was sitting next to her on the bench. “He's easy to calm down, I wouldn't have thought it, now they're talking relaxed and I need to go to the toilet… But… I'd better hold out a little longer”…..

“You know, I thought it would work out with us… I would have thrown it all away here. “/"Yes, and I believe you too, Don. But now everything has changed… My mother is finally back home“/”is she well, I mean, as well as a ghost should be?“/”She's not a ghost, she's alive again and nobody knows why.“/”You're kidding?“/”Have I ever joked?”. Her tone was serious. And he realized.

“She's back here, she's alive and she and my father have been given another chance."/ in, ”That… That makes me happy, of course. No matter how you managed it, you should be proud of yourself…“/”Well… I wasn't the only one who got her back. There were a lot of other people and devices involved…“/”,And… one of them was the one in there?“/”His name is Lazlo“/”Is he from Hungary?”/ „My God, Don, no,” she stood up……

“It just happened with us, I had no idea he'd .“/”Blow you away like that?“/”Something like that. Don, I really let you get away with a lot of things without thinking about me and… Now I've done that, thought about me, and I've come to the conclusion that… we're just not made for each other, Don"/ ‘mh… was my age ever a problem?’/ ‘No, not at all, the problems were always somewhere else and you know that…’.

"So... is it over between us now?"/"Yes... and I don't want to break up with you in an argument. I don't think we'd forgive each other later."/"I'm the picture of calm now"/"Yes, now, but later? Will you reach for the bottle... I beg you, get this under control sometime. You were always under constant stress in the hospital, maybe it would do you good to be alone for a while now"/"Phh... Yes, maybe. First of all, I need a change of scenery."

Cassandra looked him in the eyes again. "Okay… No matter where you end up, I wish you all the best, Don. And who knows, maybe one day you'll meet the right person."/"Do you think so?"/"Good things come along unexpectedly, they say…"/"Speaking of unexpected… Does he actually know about your secret? The curse and all?" She waited a moment before answering. "Yes, he knows that and it's okay."/"Well then…I'll go. Take care"/"You too, Don."

Don left the place. And Cassandra was sure that at some point soon, he would start thinking about a lot of things. Now, on top of that, he'd lost his job and his fiancée. She knew he wouldn't be able to take it all so easily. He'd also find his own little room somewhere and process his feelings of guilt and other negative things in his own way.

Lazlo walked slowly out of the arcade. "I don't think I need to ask you how it went," he asked, tilting his head. "I don't really want to talk about it right now, Lazlo, okay? Anyway, it's over and… He's leaving town"/ "He's leaving so quickly? Oh, sorry… It's okay if you don't want to talk. But can you tell me where the restrooms are? I'm going to have a real problem otherwise"/ "Oh dear… Right over here…"

While Lazlo went to the bathroom, Cassandra was once again lost in her thoughts. ("What will happen now? Mom is back home. My parents got a second chance to be together for the rest of their lives. Lazlo is going to expand his house… Alex, he's so happy again. And me? I just feel sick right now…"). Her last thought was of Don, with whom she had spent a limited time of her life. But now it was time to redesign her own life.

@greenplumbboblover , @solorisims , @honeywinesims ⭐

[creative-kny-fics]

Are you taking requests? 

If so could you do lee!tanjiro and ler!giyuu? I don’t have anything particular in mind, just something fluffy and light hearted.

I understand and it’s totally okay if u don’t wanna do this :)

Ur work is amazing and keep it up! <3

Aaaaw thanks! Sorry for the delay, for the moment, I wasn't taking requests, but now I am!

(Note: The fic is set in the future)

Ler: Giyuu Tomioka

Lee: Tanjiro Kamado

Tanjiro narrates: Finally, a world without demons, a dream longed for from generation to generation, I still don't believe it, we have lived so much, but at the same time, lost so much...

Sometimes I wonder, what would have happened if maybe, and only Perhaps we would have met in another context?

The only thing that kept us in "contact" was the objective of exterminating demons, but after the dissolution of the brotherhood, each one took their own path, for example, Shinazugawa-San left, we don't know where, I usually send him letters but, he doesn't answer them, at least it makes me somewhat happy to know that I am still close to Tomioka-San and Uzui-San and his wives.

'Giyuu-San! Hello! How are you doing?!'

'Huh? Hello Tanjiro! Good morning. I'm fine, I'm still getting used to this, but I'm fine'

'It seems like I came at the wrong time, going somewhere? ?'

'Actually, yes, but you can come with me. I don't think Uzui will mind you accompanying me, after all, he appreciates you, right?'

'I suppose I can accompany him. I trust that Nezuko will be in good hands with Zenitsu and Inosuke. Let's go there!'

Tomioka-San, he looks so different now, I'm glad he smiles more now, his smile is pretty, of course, every smile is beautiful (NOT SHIP)

Giyuu Narrates: Who would have thought, before I used to stay away from my hashira companions, but not anymore.

'Uzui-San! How are you doing?!'

'It's you Kamado! Wow, I think Giyuu brought you with him, I'm glad!'

'Tengen-Sama... Shhh... The baby is asleep... Hello guys, excuse me, but could you please lower your voice...?'

'Oh, sorry, let's go talk somewhere else, shall we?'

'Uzui-San, do you have children?'

Oh, what a shame, I had never told Tanjiro about it, although of course, I found out some time later.

'Hinatsuru-San, you look tired, would you mind if I take care of the baby for you?'

'You're very kind Tomioka-Sama... But, I can handle it...'

'Hinatsuru, love, you haven't slept well these days, I'm sure Giyuu can take care of the baby, after all, she's asleep and she's someone heavy sleeper'

'Well, maybe it's also a good time for Tanjiro to meet Himiko...'

Oh, right, I forgot. Himiko is Suma's daughter, but I don't know what happened, apparently she is still not used to it, that is why Makio and Hinatsuru help her.

'Wo-woah... She... She is just like Miss Suma...'

'Right? Although, it is not yet known, she may end up having Uzui's behavior hahaha.'

'Yeah, I guess...'

'Does the baby weigh you down? If that's the case, I can...'

'No, no, it's okay. It's not the first time I've carried a baby'

'I realize that, the baby seems to feel very comfortable with you'

Tanjiro narrates: It's been a long, long time since I've seen a baby, at least not this close.

I usually saw them but I didn't have time to spend time with them, so when Giyuu-San handed me the baby, I got nervous, it had been a long time since I had held someone so small.

'Looking at her better, she looks a bit like Uzui-San... Is her hair a bit white or is it the reflection of the sun?'

'I don't think so, maybe you're right and the baby has some white locks like Uzui'

'I think so... And... What color are her eyes? Do you have Miss Suma's eyes or Uzui-San's eyes?'

'Someone is very curious hahaha. But, to answer your question, she has a mix of both, they are a shade of red, maybe next time you come, you will find her awake and you will see her eyes'

A shade of red...? I thought... I thought I had already closed that episode in my life... I know I can't relate the slightest thing to my family, but, I can't help it... The last time I saw red eyes in a baby, it was in Rokuta, the youngest of my siblings...

I, I hadn't thought about it... They are no longer here but their memories are clear in my mind...

'Tanjiro, is everything okay? Are you crying'

'Hu-huh? I'm sorry, I guess, I have mixed feelings, I'm fine, I swear.'

Giyuu Narrates: I think something I said has hurt Tanjiro, I don't know exactly what, but for his tone of voice to have changed so drastically, it must be something painful.

'Tanjiro, you don't need to lie. Look, I don't know what happened or what made you sad, but I'm sorry, I didn't mean to.'

'I know, Giyuu-San, I know. They're just my thoughts... Don't worry...'

'Can I try to cheer you up?'

'Huh... I think I know what you mean, sure, I guess, but what about the baby?'

Smart guy, although he had a point, the baby couldn't be left unattended, what a dilemma.

'E-eh...! Gi-Gihiyuhu... The ehehehe bahahaby!'

'Kid, I'm just sliding my fingers up and down your neck, is it that bad?'

'I-I mhmhmhm dohohohon't ahahahaha knohohow...! I'll le-lehehet yuhuhu ti-tickle meeee, buhuhuhut when the ba-baby isn't aslehehehehep!'

'Well, you promised. Honestly, I can't consider this tickling. You know well that I tend to be much worse than this, it's not even a warm-up, you're just too ticklish.'

'Yohohou tohohoho... Aaaah!! Gi-Gihu-Gihiyuhuhu!! Ahahahaha!!! Pleheahasehehe!!'

'Think better about your words when you address me, Kamado Tanjiro.'

[keepsmagnetoaway]

Dazzler 21 (November 1982)

Danny Fingeroth/Frank Springer

So, for this issue, they decided to go kind of wild, starting with the cover. A photo! On the cover! It's...Dazzler! Kinda! It honestly looks like shit, really, why would you do this. Also, it's a double length issue. It's not a significant-numbered issue or anything, they just decided to do this.

This issue, a bunch of stuff that has been being dropped in the background about Alison's family - her asshole dad, her absentee mum - is finally laid out in full (here's some of the recap, since I haven't been talking about any of it). The issue also makes an extremely risky and interesting decision: despite being double-length, there's no fighting, no villain, no "action" in the traditional sense. It's all character development, all the time.

This is a fascinating gamble. I've complained in the past, a lot, about issues that ought to just be character-driven and are suddenly derailed when the writers remember that it's a superhero book and somebody needs to throw a few punches. It's a real problem, often, and I have to kind of salute Danny Fingeroth for taking a swing at it. That said...I don't think this works. (More recap, featuring everyone's all-time favourite villains, Doctor Sax and Johnny Guitar.)

The problem here is twofold. First, if you are going to do this interesting, all-character, no-action ploy...don't do it in a double-length issue! I get that they're going for something splashy and prestige-y, really flexing by doing this, but it actually doesn't work. There absolutely are 20-page issues that are spoiled by unnecessary action, but in a 40-page issue, you have much more room to do a bit of everything.

The other problem is...it isn't a good story that they're telling. It's not worth the double space. It turns out, basically, that Alison's mom ran off when she was little because she too was a singer, and went to live a dissolute, wild life. We're obviously "meant" to think that her mom initially did the right thing in following her heart, but then she begins to go down a slippery slope and the tone turns extremely moralising and disapproving. This is the 1980s but it reads like a church pamphlet from the 1950s.

Like, look at this shit! It's tawdry, it's leaden, it's pretty repulsive. It's like a parody of a Chick tract. (Also, yes, as you can see, turns out Dazzler has a half-sister, I presume this is going to be important at some point.)

Anyway, however, it turns out that now she's got her life all straightened out and wants to meet Alison, which she does, after the other big-but-not-very-interesting thing that is happening in this ultra-special double issue, which is Dazzler playing a charity show at Carnegie Hall. For this, she rehearses a baffling variety of other people's songs, which I would think would have been a serious copyright issue for this comic, but maybe not?

The rehearsals, as you can see, go badly: and also, as you can see, Alison's breasts have somehow gotten bigger, and then it's time for a skeevy montage, in the increasingly skeevy tradition of this book.

But hey, whaddya know, on the night of the big show it all goes great, and they return to the trick from the early issues and get basically every major superhero to show up and support her.

Gang, this issue is just so bad. I'm going on at length because I'm fascinated with the bad choices it made. This concert came out of nowhere! It's framed as a charity gig that's been arranged by a new promoter, and apparently that's enough explanation for how now this is the big moment she's been working towards, and now she's a star and everybody loves her.

Including her mother! Who is at the show! And her dad! Who is at the show! And they call reconcile!

And then she gets a surprise party! And it ends! At last!

As you can tell, I found this issue interesting, but only in bad ways. I want to salute its boldness but it didn't do anything with its boldness, just served up more melodrama and weird story beats. Dazzler is a superhero comic and, much as it tries to wrestle with that and to expand the idea of what that can be, it shouldn't totally turns its back on it. Look at that roomful of superheroes, after all!

[salamanderinspace]

Been thinking more about the Contrapoints video.

I was going to say that, as I get older, the egalitarian sex Natalie discusses is more and more alluring to me, but this is not true. That's always been the ideal. It's more like, the top/bottom predator/prey dynamic gets less and less palatable as I am constantly finding myself in relationships with uncomfortable default-fixed roles that my partner won't negotiate. It was so bad that, when I was about 24, I gave up on love and sex completely for about 6 years. Then I became involved with someone who, again, held so hard to those fixed roles (particular Lover/Beloved, Pursuer/Pursued) that it broke me. I trusted her not to treat me like that and was disappointed when that's what it became.

I went through my vampire romance phase at the age of 13, with Vivian Vande Velde and Anne Rice and a few others. Twilight didn't exist yet. The allure was always the power fantasy: what if I could be fast and strong and rich and pretty forever? But I found it very tragic that the vampires in these books lived lonely, isolated lives… viewing others as prey or threats. The moments that drew me into IWTV were the moments of companionship and peerdom, the whispered jokes between found family in the theater. So I think it's important to me to distinguish between two types of dark romance. The predator-prey stuff is fine but there is an itching in my heart for dark, bloodthirsty couples that generally try to direct their violence AWAY from each other, that trust each other absolutely.

Because I disagree with Natalie on a point. I don't think there is an inherent violence to love. I don't naturally experience sexuality or eros in itself as a kind of death (the death comes later, with rejection of separation.) I don't lose myself in the dissolution of boundaries--I've always been more than willing to dissolve and transgress freely and fluidly in a way that feels more like being a wave in an ocean and less like a hammer striking an anvil. Traditional mainstream kinksters usually propose hammer-anvil scenes that are very boring to me. I can do them, I can … but it's not what inflames me. What inflames me is the idea of a peer, of communion. The convent Natalie mentions is actually an almost perfect example of a fantasy that is wildly erotic to me: permanently committed, group-oriented, and egalitarian. Someone in Natalie's reddit also came in singing the praises of egalitarian sex, and bravely mentioned that they seek out sibling incest fantasies for that reason, which explains so much to me. Like honestly: what do convent fantasies, sibling incest fantasies, and lesbian cottagecore farming fantasies have in common? That egalitarian quality of peers confronting external domination. It's a shame that I (and Natalie) had to find writing about that in the work of this half-insane transphobic radical feminist but it's so rare that anyone shares this proclivity.

So yeah I see why the Dom/Sub thing is appealing to people and I'm fine writing it here and there but what calls to my heart is the other thing.

[got-into-worm-by-mistake]

Arc 10, Reflections

Eh.

Arc 10 is sorta... there?

Like, it's got some highlights and it serves some useful purposes, but I'll admit it's not really standout. Too much of it is consumed by the fight, and I admit it was hard to actually enjoy the fight because I kept reading it looking for the why of it. The 'why' are they doing this fight thing.

What were they after, etc - didn't get really revealed until after, and so that kind of detracted from reading the fight itself.

Interludes 10 and 10.5 were the highlight, getting to see the inside of Alec's twisted but also relatable mind, the gut-wrenching horror but also the 'it's funny as fuck' elements of what happens with Sophia under Regent's grip -

Getting the reveal that Dragon is an AI is quite cool, as well as another look at Armsy and Dragon's almost adorable interactions. A key step on the road to Amy's final dissolution, even if we don't know it yet as a proverbial blind reader.

I hear a lot that people drop worm 'around Leviathan' and I would imagine Arc 10 here is the tail end of that 'around Leviathan' dropping.

Dropping in Arc 6 - Taylor is solidified as a villain

Dropping in arc 7 - nothing about Arc 7 stands out as a specific reason to drop

Dropping in arc 8 - End of Taylor's even slightest prospects to be a hero, the way Leviathan is a huge sea-change from the street-level stuff that might have kept people in at first

Dropping in arc 9 - the city's borderline post-apocalyptic nature is gonna fuck with a lot of people

Dropping in arc 10 - the sudden reveal that an effective 'end of the world' scenario is coming which... (Honestly, explain to me how Dinah's percentages power lets her get all that? I'm confused. Someone really needs to detail how that all works. Does Dinah get an Interlude?)

Like, Arc 10 is where the biggest element of the story is introduced, and yet, it's gonna be a huge change and a long payoff. I can see a lot of people who may have been on the fence the last few arcs going 'okay, fuck this shit I'm out'

(can someone explain to me why it's now impossible to find a gif that actually has the words you type into gifsearch? It used to actually be possible to find the actual gif, because yes, it exists I've fucking seen it. God I hate tumblr so much sometimes)

I have to think most people who made it past Arc 10 would make it deep into the s9 arc, probably at the hopes of getting out the other end to a better ending but of course NOPE (which is probably when another migration of 'fuck this shit I'm out' hits for reader s), but maybe a bit during the darkest parts in like, 14 and 15. Who knows. There's no good way to track it.

Anyway, so... Arc 10 is... it's solid. It's as good as the rest of Worm, but it doesn't stand out.

For a lot of people, the whole S9 arc from 11-15 is supposed to be very very good. I'm certainly gonna be turning it over in my head a lot as I read it, but I suspect I'm not going to enjoy it, per se.

It'll be good in the sense of well written, if only in certain senses, but I am almost certain to get very tired of Jack Slash very quickly. By all evidence he's exactly the sort of character I get exasperated and annoyed with at rapid speeds, and under normal circumstances, he'd make reading through the whole arc very hard, I imagine.

I also intend to check the earliest possible versions on the wayback machine of certain ah... high intensity chapters, as it were, because I genuinely don't trust Wildbow to have made some.... tweaks, since he started Ward. Which is probably paranoid and stupid of me, but... :shrug:

[nityarawal]

The Carlsbad police called us to let us know the principal is propagating a smear campaign our tax dollars can't sustain. Please have her fired and investigated. There are no orders against me and the only thing we need is my daughter and assets. We really don't need any more drama from confused dyke community. None of them should be working. There's loads more attys I didn't even mention in every testimony: Roseline Ferrel, Marni Entin, Whitney Ryan, etc! This is a gross system. Why would our assistant principal think she can recycle us back to the courts after nine years of mistakes from them? She needs to leave. She's mistaken. Their are absolutely no active orders against me & courts are ashamed of their Probate and dyke sexual assaults. That is the elephant in the room. Promise me these gross people will get a cease and desist- never come near my family again. We'd Feel best if they left our state. Go camping and donate all to my charity. We need ten Trillion.

Happy Mothers Day!

Blessings & Love,

Nitya Rawal

Encinitasbeachhome.com

Dr. Cash is usually vacationing at LA Costa Resort. Could you have your dyke pigs pin him down and get the cancelation orders? Please arrest Ms. BRENDA and my x on foul play in a international custody battle and give her a cease and desist. I don't care what party you voted for- this is America and I need my kids- deport him. We felt my legal team and the school were grossly negligient of laws and timing. We closed my cases last fall. There are no bribes for the school. We loved the campus though and I let Elon know we'd rather turn that into a Tesla school than teach at T.I.T.T.S. Please confirm Brenda is detained on foul play and my daughter and I will never have to deal with her or her dyke officers ever again. Thankyou!

Blessings,

Nitya

@elonmuskfanslounge @cybertruck @elonenthusiast @teslamotorsblog @aclu @britneyspears @kimkardashian-blog-blog @lacosta @ucdavisevents-blog @ucresearch @ucdaviswomen-blog @ucdavisfilmclub-blog-blog @ucdavis

Brenda promised she wouldn't call Pigs after we explained Anjali & I were extensively raped and that's the same trigger Sunil uses to Bully us with. My brother testified to several friends about it on recorded lines. Anyway millitary 40% rape rate and her knee jerk reaction to trafficking moms to her dyke squad is the issue for my family. We'd be with Elon now at his school if he could shake nasty government. We fear he's catatonic from all the Israeli Airforce rapes! Please leave him, all physicists and artists alone in my family. Sunil is sold out from U.K. None of those is an appropriate match for my family. Please release Anjali & Isha from all military contracts. They are not available for your research. Investigate all moms probated from this gross administration. I met another girl trafficked at True Care from Anjs class and we all know how Kristen Scogin terrorised Charlie Brown to death for PR. It's really a bottom feeding bunch from DA to Judges trafficking children in the juvenile courts. Kristen was a horn dog for my kids and I too w/ her accomplice Judge Clark. Anyways we all need a 'mistake' admitted letter as our principal demands- including from her. She lied to us and also bullied with police rape; threatened to traffic my family for attending my daughter's art show mothers day weekend in a 50/50 custody state. She doesn't have an RO against me nor grounds for one but she's proved gross negligence in a legal custody dissolution for over 6 months due to her own in-house clerical issues. She's trying to make problems for us in court. We are squeaky clean done. Cancelation orders are a luxury maybe a big white woman like her can demand. But did anyone listen on my legal team of 1000's? Do they care what a little girls principal needs to release her from parent alienation and corporal rape from pigs? No she laughed and tried to traffic us back. This is her unconscious playbook. It's violent and aggressive greenwashing for dyke weaponisation of family. We're not interested. We're not flattered. Elon will build a new military that doesn't rape our kids. There's nothing Baccalaureate about this crap. Thanks. Please release us on all contracts now from CA & Iowa state schools and refund + $10t in damages.

Blessings,

Nitya Nella Azam Huntley Rawal 

Encinitasbeachhome.com 

[grandhotelabyss]

Could you speak to Joyce's ambiguous relationship with America? He never seemed to care for us in his writing or in his personal life, and missed the rise of the American empire, even though he loved Emerson and Whitman.

But Ulysses is lowkey the Great American Novel: America basically built an industry around his work and his influence on American art and pop culture is incalculable and America loves her almost white sons: it's not hard imagining the Irishman Stephen and the Jew Bloom circumambulating Boston rather than Dublin, no?

I agree with your second paragraph entirely; I even exemplify your second paragraph; but, as to why he seems almost never to have thought about America, as to why he went east instead of west, I assume it's for the same reason those generations of Americans themselves from James through Stein and Hemingway to Baldwin went east as well: it's where you had to get high culture if you were from a colonial backwater—and Paris in particular if you were trying to break away from the English—and it was especially where you had to go to learn how to write a novel because they—again one singles out the French—had perfected the art. To cosmopolitanize the provincial Anglophone novel meant to absorb vanguardist energies from the continent, whether from the Gallic center or from the Nordic and Slavic peripheries. In the early part of the 20th century, America did not seem like an equally attractive pole. I speculated about this in the Fitzgerald IC episode, that before the 19th-century American canon was really codified in post-World-War-II academe, before Moby-Dick took its place among the world epics a century after its composition, America was not seen even by its own writers as having a distinct literary and high cultural tradition, and so it would have been easy for a person with Joyce's interests to ignore. If America's own native sons and daughters—James, Eliot, Pound, O'Neill, Wharton, Cather, Stein, Hemingway, Fitzgerald, Barnes—could scarcely admit their own debts to Whitman or Hawthorne, if even they looked east to elect Flaubert or Valéry or Conrad or Tolstoy their masters, then why would an ambitious Irishman, with Ibsen for a master, do any different? That's on the "high culture" side; on the pop and media side, where Joyce also had many interests, America's total hegemony, while it was getting its start with jazz and movies, also had to wait for after WWII. Which isn't to say JJ didn't understand a few things about us, if slightly in proto-Redditor Jesusland mode, albeit with a soupçon of proto-McLuhan. In Ulysses, the emissary of American culture is Alexander J. Christ Dowie, the evangelical preacher on tour, whose cacophonous revivalist-capitalist slang closes out "Oxen of the Sun" in the dissolution of English itself, as if America's apocalyptic destiny were to end the language and thus presumably, extending the logic of that chapter's obstetrical conceit, to bring entirely new media to birth:

Elijah is coming. Washed in the blood of the Lamb. Come on, you winefizzling ginsizzling booseguzzling existences! Come on, you dog-gone, bullnecked, beetlebrowed, hogjowled, peanutbrained, weaseleyed fourflushers, false alarms and excess baggage! Come on, you triple extract of infamy! Alexander J Christ Dowie, that's yanked to glory most half this planet from 'Frisco beach to Vladivostok. The Deity aint no nickel dime bumshow. I put it to you that he's on the square and a corking fine business proposition. He's the grandest thing yet and don't you forget it. Shout salvation in king Jesus. You'll need to rise precious early, you sinner there, if you want to diddle the Almighty God. Pflaaaap! Not half. He's got a coughmixture with a punch in it for you, my friend, in his backpocket. Just you try it on.

[sadandpoutyandfrench]

Idol Land update is out and no end of service announcement. Are we all a bunch of Chicken Littles squawking that the sky is falling or is there something there to the doomsaying? Well, regardless our MyCharas will live to die another day.

Personally I'm optimistic. I'd like to believe Idol Land can make it at least to its first anniversary. Naïve? Maybe. In denial? Definitely. Am I in denial about being in denial? Most certainly.

But thinking about idol Land ending got me thinking about other end of service games I've lived through.

This got long so . . .

Naturally, PriPuz is one of the first that comes to mind. This was before I had either my smartphone or my tablet so instead I played it on my PC via emulation on BlueStacks. Oof, that was a bit rough. Playing with a computer mouse for dragging was not intuitive at all. Most times I was lucky to get a decent score.

Next, Wake Up, Girls! Shinsei no Tenshi aka WUGten. This was a browser game, one of many boneheaded decisions made by the people in charge of the WUG group and franchise. The game was available through Rakuten and for a very short period available worldwide until quickly being locked to Japan only. So despite having my tablet I had to resort to my computer and a VPN (any attempt I made to get it working on a tablet didn't go through). I actually have a video of me playing this one!

The audio is Not Great. The sound effects will probably hurt your ears a bit. This was one of my early attempts at recording anything through my computer. This video has been up for five years and sits below 700 views. Look at that very ambitious Episode 1 on the thumbnail.

As you can tell, it's a bit laggy. Doing those flick notes on the computer was tricky but it looks like I managed. Watching this kind of reminds me of Idol Land in ways. I was just so excited to be playing a Wake Up, Girls! themed rhythm game that I was 100% willing to look past any jankyness involved.

It's impossible to disassociate the end of WUGten with the dissolution of the Wake Up, Girls! idol group itself. I wonder if the game would have lasted longer if they were still around. Of course, I wonder a lot of things about Wake Up, Girls!, questions that will likely remain with me, unanswered, for a long time.

Mega Miracle Force, a fighting game crossing over a bunch of Compile Heart games. Of course, I was in for it exclusively for Hyperdimension Neptunia. One of the key selling points was two different characters fused together to make a new one.

I understood almost nothing about how to play and there weren't many helpful English resources in the long run but I think I managed to make my way around well enough.

I had three different accounts. I lost the first one and stopped playing on my second run after some point. The transfer system at the time was similar to Idol Land in that the code only lasted for a short while so when I got my smartphone I had to start anew. Fortuitous as the game went down a few months later.

Magia Record EN. This was a frustrating one. I got into the game when the anime started airing. Sadly seems the anime wasn't enough because Aniplex shut this one down before season 2 even aired. I don't remember how far I got in but I don't think it was much.

And finally, she is the one named

Sailor Moon Drops! This was my Candy Crush, a Sailor Moon themed Match 3 game? Heaven. It's also the only English translated Sailor Moon game we're ever going to see, probably.

I get why Bandai might have closed this one down? Yeah, I guess. Do I still wish they had kept it up in some form, even without providing any new content? Hell yes. Other Match 3 games just don't scratch that same itch

So there it is, my wall of death, a reminder of how brutal the live service model can be when it comes to mobile games and that no game's lifespan is ever certain.

[auspicetaker]

just read the daily beast article about the dissolution of red guards austin and i have some thoughts and feelings

I LITERALLY REMEMBER BEING IN [REDACTED ORG] AND BOTH NERVOUSLY LAUGHING AT AND MOCKING THE PERCEIVED ADVENTURISM AND ULTRALEFTISM OF RED GUARDS WHILE ALSO BEING GENUINELY ENVIOUS OF THEIR PERCEIVED STRUCTURE AND DISCIPLINE .... and holy shit am i glad we didn't get far enough to truly replicate that structure. we tried.

i mean, i definitely lived a slightly less extreme version of what's described in the article - losing out on sleep and sacrificing all of my free time for the organization. but damn am i glad that old school MLs don't do the "public humiliation struggle session" thing as a form of political practice!

something i picked up on in the article is the misogyny - that women in general were called upon to do domestic and behind the scenes work and men were viewed as leaders. even as they tried to, on paper anyway, punish men for slights against women, they replicated the same power dynamics found in mainstream society. no fucking way im soooo shocked. and then this from the very end of the article:

idk i feel really fucking sad when i think about it all. i hate that my only recourse upon leaving the org was to bow out of existing politically or publicly pretty much indefinitely. i hate the jeering spectacle that liberal rags like daily beast make of these cultic orgs and dynamics, it very much feels like "that's what you get for believing in the delusion that communism can ever win, vote blue no matter who". i hate my own passivity and relatively apolitical existence in the wake of my disillusionment with the org which was fucking five years ago. i don't know what political work looks like outside of that framework. im embarrassed that i don't know how to get back there. i believed so sincerely and when i lost that belief i lost hope and i lost innocence and i became unable to trust anyone or anything. fuck! it's a weird grief.

anyway it was objectively pretty funny when they did the pig head stunt even if i can't rly match their fervor against the dsa anymore, that was peak red guards austin, To Me .

i certainly don't blame the ex members for talking about their experiences to the daily beast but reading the coverage reminded me of why i never tried to Sell or Publicize the story of what happened to me and what happened to the org, because i cannot stand the prospect of a bunch of Biden Harris 2024 people clucking their tongues and saying "oh what a shame the Crazy Political Cult is so Dangerous". no matter how much i hate [redacted org] and i hate them a lot I'll never feel comfortable doing that.

[austin-friars]

Truth be told, I was caught between the two. It's probably because Wolf Hall is so fresh on my brain, that I picked Mark Rylance. I am obviously a fan of the Tudors, and James Frain is ofc an amazing actor. But I still feel that, at least in Wolf Hall (not MATL) Rylance captured his personality a lot better. I really enjoyed the snarky, go getter, personality in both the show and the book

There were also things that Rylance Cromwell showed us and more of his character/personality that Tudors left out. Like, he was confident, he knew how to handle himself. Rylance Cromwell imo is very gruff and more mannish (😭 ) - which checks out with the fact that Cromwell was most likely a soldier or a mercenary historically. And like you don't have to be manly to be a solider at all, but that's what he was giving! And don't get me wrong, he could be soft/tender in many instances, but that wasn't his primary personality imo. He was giving a soldier/warrior who was struggling with adjusting post war, post living his life fighting with first his father and then on the battle field. He fought in wars, and even thought that wasn't flat out stated in Wolf Hall, Rylance Cromwell just seemed like a man who fought and had killed. There were times when he could be kindhearted but also, incredibly scary. Never forgot the way he glared down Thomas More during the interrogation, when for some reason he implied he would kill Gregory in More's place. And then, the look he gave Gardiner when he brought up that he knew Thomas was a murderer. He held Stephen's gaze - I wish they kept the scene the same in the book where he advances and physically "threatens" Stephen and come on, I just dig that tension it is very electric between them, especially coming from the books as well. And it's like, James Frain Cromwell is kinda, lowkey - high key crying in some scenes when Henry or anyone else raises their voice at him.

The point is that, imo Rylance gives a more multifaceted portrayal of Thomas, but that is also because he is the main character. So viewers are allowed to see a narrative portrayed through him.

Not to much on James Frain Cromwell though, because he did work within the bounds of the script, which in many cases, could've been better. What I will say is that I appreciate the religious aspect of Frain's Cromwell that Wolf Hall lacked. Especially regarding the dissolution of the holy houses. Cromwell, no matter who was playing him, was wrong for his part in the reformation, but the way it was handled in Tudors vs Wolf Hall is different. And I love how Puritan Cromwell is in the Tudors, because historically that is probably how he was. Wolf Hall touched up on this, somewhat. They also made sure to made Cromwell homophobic, which made sense given the anti buggery act LMAO. But again, something Wolf Hall did that I just, don't agree with was the shitty relationship Thomas had with Gregory...which also ties into why historically Gregory was spared execution or even arrest for buggery but that's not really a Rylance problem just a mantel problem. Like, the way Frain portrays a literal religious zealot, makes me really appreciate his portrayal. His dedication to the religious side of the reformation was something the Tudors displayed perfectly.

And this isn't to excuse that he was also doing it out of greed, which Wolf Hall shows us, but his own personal religion was missed in Wolf Hall.

If I really had to pick, I would say the best Crom portrayal changes depending on how I feel. Frain didn't have a lot to work with wrt to the Tudors. But there are some things that at least, aren't as historically inaccurate as Wolf Hall. Like people to drag Tudor's for its historical inaccuracy, but nothing is more historically inaccurate than having Thomas Cromwell sexually attracted to Mary Boleyn, Anne Boelyn, Mary I and Jane Seymour. That is something that irked me, because you cannot claim Wolf Hall is more historically accurate, with that. Because that is extremely historically inaccurate LMAO.

But i am at least for now, leaning toward Rylance Cromwell just because he is the focus of his own show. If Frain's Cromwell had more focus and his own show, I'm sure that my opinion would be different. However, James Frain is who got me into Cromwell ten years ago, no matter what, I will always come back to him.

Honestly, to this day I don't know who's interpretation of Cromwell is more faithful, James Frain or Mark Rylance. So I polled it. To be honest, I do think James Frain hit the nail on the head for how Cromwell was overall, but I do believe that Mark Rylance shines some light to the hidden bits of him that most folks aren't aware of.

[frequenceraph]

"Z is a bad character"

Xenoblade 1 and 3 spoilers incoming Ok so Z. I've seen so many people, mostly on twitter and reddit, complain about how this man is a bad character. The thing is though they're missing the point of Z. Z isn't supposed to be complex, he's a force created by origin as a response to the collective will of people to avoid confronting the inevitable collision and dissolution into light that the two worlds are destined for. He's a corrupting influence; an embodiment of the concept of the endless now. Z is compelling by means of the characters he influences. N is widely considered in the fandom to be an extremely well written character-- through the lens of one of the main characters' past lives, we get to experience the pain of loss that made him want to never have to lose anything anymore. Z is the fear of loss, and Noah choosing to confront Z and refuse to give in is him refusing to be afraid of losing the people he loves. He's lost Mio over and over, he had to leave his son behind, he's been unable to defeat moebius and break the cycle over and over, and Z-- his fear of loss-- eventually gets to him. These kinds of interactions make Z compelling and threatening. Z is a representation of the fear and vice that lives inside every single one of us. Even people who are extremely young like Joran can self sabotage and want to stay in a comfortable eternity when that's not the state that anything-- the world nor your interpersonal relationships-- can stay in. Joran is so mired in his assumptions that everyone of the main Keves party thinks he's useless that for a while he isn't able to escape the genuine abuse that he suffers at the hands of Moebius D. And that's Z at work. He (Joran's own assumptions and fears) has paralyzed Joran in a state of self loathing that he's inflicted on himself. There's also another aspect I think people ignore with regard to Z's relationship to past games. And that's that Z is a direct consequence of Shulk's decision at the end of Xenoblade 1 to walk towards the future hand in hand with everyone. Without a god to rule over them, people falling to their worst vices can directly influence the world. Z acts as a foil to Zanza in a sense, both serving as a demonstration of the flaws of a world with and without gods. Shulk's choice didn't result in utopia. There's always going to be something to fight for, and sometimes that thing is ourselves rather than some made up enemy. And that, I feel is the core message of Xenoblade 3. Given that western media has imbued us with the idea that characters need to be compelling in the same way that-- as hbomberguy said-- games need to be fun, it's easy to see why people would write off Z as being a bad character when they don't understand the broader context in which he exists. Like sure Z sits around and watches the main party do shit in a theatre in the middle of origin and that's all he does, but Z taking direct action would be against the spirit of his character. He (our internal vices, fear of change) operates through others, both figuratively and literally. We had to come to him in the final encounter because he-- from what I understand-- primarily exists in people's minds. TL;DR Z doesn't need to be a compelling character in the traditional sense. He's compelling by means of the characters he influences and what he represents; the flaws of a world without gods.