#I also don't actually wanna stay in university
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#tag talk#storytime sexcapades#sadness is canceled. met a really cute cool dude visiting town for work and stayed up all night talking and uhhh. other things.#I really am so ready to move. I wanna be in a college town with community music groups and a larger visible queer population ugh.#anyway. the more I experiment the more I realize I'm actually definitely trans and I would like certain bits lopped off 😕#I will literally never shut up about the connection between sex and gender. I'm sure there's some shortsightedness to it#because I'm speaking largely from my own experience with it. so obviously there's an implicit perspective bias there#but like. turns out when you're dissociated from your body it can be hard to enjoy certain body activities.#I'm mostly over showers now. it's way easier to see myself the way I want to be. still things I want fixed. but things are livable.#but yeh. sex is difficult when you're at war with your skin.#also. why do people do poppers. your head spin for a minute and you smell organic solvent for a while. my head spins all the time#like. “it's just like sniffing glue” bro why do people sniff glue I don't get that either“.#“it's like being drunk for a short time�� I don't get why people do that either.#throwback to that time someone said I needed to not become an alcoholic and I just pointed to my four month old vodka bottle in the fridge.#idk. there's a use for it. alcohol is a CNS depressant and I love it for that. but only sometimes is that necessary.#anyway. I'm curious to try other substances but I fully expect to walk away going “eh. I don't get what the deal is with that”.#but we keep doing new things. for science. to learn about the world. and to become a more understanding person. understanding is everything#anyway. cool people do exist. I literally said that thing about not meeting people I like and the universe decided to be a joker about it#did I already say that we stayed up all night? sitting on the trunk of you car watching the stars on a warm desert night is a good vibe.#I like getting out of the city and finding a patch of desert to park in and just bathe in the night air. and it's better with company#the end. bye. I have an age of empires game to finish cause I paused it to go meet up with him. and now I have to finish it#ALSO. yeah I know.. vodka in the fridge. I've started putting it in the freezer just cause there's not as much room in the fridge
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#starshine talks#lalalala second ever therapy appointment tonight#well thats actually a lie#i was in therapy briefly in hs before my parents decided they didnt want to take me any more#and in university for about a year so that i didnt drop out#but this im doing for myself#and i even know what i want to talk about today#i just#don't want to drive there#to be fair#i never want to drive#i only do it because i have to#i even considered taking the bus today#because I don't want to deal with the traffic#anyway im proud of me#but also uuuuggghhh i dont wanna go#but i dont know this person enough to want to do phone calls#really glad that is an option though#found out after i canceled an appointment due to an expected snow storm#i just want to stay home go for a walk and write
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Your future spouse message for you 💜
Pick an image
Hello
I think you know me or do you? Ha ha I am just saying. Now if I start being practical how are you? Hmmm . Are you taking care of yourself or not? Hmmm. I think you are not . whyyy hmm. (In soft voice ahhh) . Did I make your heart beat faster or made you blush . I think not (maybe yes) . Do you want a ring babe? Oh your blood is rushed to your face. I think I do some magic on you . Why so shy babe hmmm . Cutie. Oh ,you are not but what should I do you are for me(hahaha).
Your future spouse is literally a tease. I full so happy writing this message. He flirts a lot . And you are a little reserved person. You might pretend that u don't like his teasing but you are internally getting butterflies.(Do give a feedback)
Hyy sunshine
I wanna talk to you 😭🥺. Just a casual talk will do. I am missing you. If you are manifesting me I am also manifesting you. I know it will take sometime hah how I know it will take time. Bcz I am fixing the things you might not like in me. My hairstyle,my confidence,my wardrobe I am refining it . Making me a brand new person. Dk you wanna go on a beach? Wearing the pearls. I will take time but I will come. Don't be in love with someone else I am not just saying the lyrics I actually mean it.
😘
(your future spouse may be from different culture from you. They were talking to me a language I can't understand (lol 😭) . Your future spouse is committed person they may pray that all other people stay away from my future spouse. Here a strong message they may person you in just 1-2 dates. For some of you they may even propose you in just one meeting. Maybe you will meet him in blind date or in arrange marriage set up.)(do give me a feedback)
When the wind blows I love you when will stops I love you in rain I love you in when a sunset I love you when the sunrise I love you on the half moon I love you on the full moon I love you on the seashore I love you when the leaves are falling I love you when the trees are growing I love you on the snowy mountain I love you. Just wanna say I love you 💗💗💗.
((sigh) your future spouse just wanna tell you. How much they love you. I think you are more focusing on yourself right now. And you may feel now you are alone but your future spouse is telling you they are always with you. You are not alone as they love you. Even in my own message they are coming to say I love you. I think some of you wanted a confirmation or asked the universe if your spouse love you. Look how much they love you)(do give me a feedback)
#future spouse#spirituality#manifestion#pick a picture#pick a card#pick a pile#tarot reading#tarot#kreemkreem#Spotify
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Am I making you feel sick?
A/N: eventual smut later in the fic, you are responsible for what you consume. Cannabilism however u spell it, P in v, asphyxiation, blood, unprotected sex! (DONT DO THIS), cream pie, daddy kink, pet names: baby, honey,sweetheart princess, pretty girl. Female reader, semi, public sex. prolly more. fluff, angst. IN THIS UNIVERSE LEE WILL NOT DIE. PERIOD. THATS IT.
REQUESTS OPEN!!! I write for a lot of people please check my pinned to see who I write for! (I also take requests of who to write for)
Summary: you meet a stranger that’s also a so called eater, eventually you fall in love with him and during a kill you wonder how good he could make you feel
“Don’t talk to strangers, or you might fall in love”
A dimly lit streetlight shines above me, I could smell him in the store. He left shortly after having a man chase him out. My eyes are drawn to the corner of the abandoned building where I know he lays above the man's bloodied body eating.
The skinny boy stands up and out of the window stumbling, blood dripping down his body and coming from his mouth.
“Whatcha looking at darlin?” he asked
“I could smell you in the store.” I blankly replied.
“Could you now? I could smell you too, another eater?” he tilts his head to the side.
I nod and look around. “So where you headed?” I inquire.
“Wherever the wind takes me, honey, what about you?” his smirk grew.
“Same.” I stay quiet observing the boy, from top to bottom. Curly red grown-out hair, shell necklace originally white covered in blood droplets, the res stain meeting his skinny frame, and suddenly his hips shift.
“You like what you see there? Well if you have nowhere to go either. Come with me.” he pointed to the blue truck and his feet began to move towards the driver's side. Before my mouth could say anything I felt myself following him. I open the door from the passenger's side and climb up into the seat. With a creak, the door shuts.
“I asked you a question doll” he turns to look me in my eyes, grabbing my chin to turn my face to look at him. “I said, you like what you see doll?” giving him yet another glance down his body. I nod slowly. He lets go and turns his eyes toward the wheel and road. “Thatta girl” With a jerk the car starts up and begins to move slowly.
“Where are we staying for the night?” I look at him curiously.
“Wherever this guy's house is” he nods.
“What's your name beautiful?” he follows up with.
“Y/n, you?” I meet his eyes yet again.
“Lee.”
————
The light gleams in, and my eyes start to flutter. I turn to the other side and Lee is dangerously close to me. Cramped up in a small twin-size bed. Without waking Lee I jolt up and get ready for the day, opening the man's fridge to see if anything good could be scavenged, eggs.
A crack and pop of the eggs cooking is the ambiance as I look around the house, the eerie feeling is lingering. The house smelt like weed and cigarettes. I go to turn a corner in the house and my waist is quickly pulled back and spun around.
“You probably don't wanna go in there, it smells the worst in there. It's just an old record and a TV, rotten food. He really was a low life. Well, good riddance..”
I chuckle and my head falls into Lee's chest. His arms wrap tighter around me. “I made eggs in case you hungry for not…people” I look up at his beautiful blue eyes and his perfect smile.
“I'm always hungry honey.” he makes his way to the kitchen grabbing the eggs out of the pan and bringing them to the table.
For some reason, meeting a nonscary eater has made me more comfortable, and makes me feel more connected to him.
“I feel like I can be myself around you.” I break the silence sitting down.
“Whys that?” he makes a confused face.
“You're just the only eater that I've met that isn't scary, kinda sweet actually.” I smile
“Well, that's just perfect honey, and kinda? I'm insulted.” Lee chuckled.
“You are sweet, are” I laugh.
—— two months later ——
Lee drives down the road after picking a man up at the carnival to eat for the night, Lee brings him into the cornfield and begins to touch him. It was odd seeing Lee like that. Talking someone through it, the farthest we had gone was just a quick make-out session.
The man's moans echo throughout the so-called empty cornfield. Does Lee make people feel that good? Before the man could finish Lee slit his throat and waves me over. “Were you watching darlin'?”
“Yeah, I was.” I kneel down to feed on the man, but then Lee’s eyes dart up to look at me. “Eat baby, come on” I began to feed on the man, but keeping my eyes on who I'm truly craving. Lee.
As we finish the man Lee stands up with his blouse unbuttoned and blood down his body. “Come on pretty girl, let's get out of here.” he motions for me to follow him. I quickly follow him. Once we're at the truck I keep my eyes on Lee.
“Need somethin’ sweetheart?” Lee smirks.
“You, Lee, need you.” Lee is taken aback by the sudden boldness but keeps his mischievous smirk plastered on his face.
“Go to the bed of the truck, and bend that ass over f’me mk? I'll get there in a second love”
I do as he says and pull down the wall to the truck bed plant my feet on the road and arch my back laying the front of my body on the cold truck bed. I look around the dark isolated road, with only us. Fog covering the cornfield. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Lee walk over and feel his presence behind me.
“Mm that's a good girl, love seeing this ass bent over for daddy.” a harsh slap makes contact with my ass, my dress is slowly lifted up to reveal my wet pussy.
“No panties hm? You slut.” another slap is landed on my ass. I feel Lee get on his knees and lick a stripe down my cunt, he begins to attack my clit, the noise of him sucking on my clit could make me cum alone. Suddenly he adds a finger to my pussy stretching it out.
“Gotta stretch this pussy for my dick, yeah?” he mumbles into my pussy,
I cry as I feel a second finger added to my pussy, he continues to fuck my pussy with his fingers at a fast pace. His tongue lapped over my sweet spot, I started to build up this feeling in my stomach.
“Im gonna- fuck- Lee I'm gonna cum.” his pace quickens.
“Come on baby come f’me, come on my tongue.”
I feel my legs twitch and white covers Lee’s tongue but he doesn't stop.
“Gonna get your cum all over my face baby,” my legs twitch and my pussy becomes sensitive, and my legs began to shake more intensely. “Thats my good girl.”
Lee licks one last stripe and stands up, the pressure on his hips is sudden and firm. “You feel that princess, you feel how hard my dick is for you?” he groans out. “Yeah baby it's so big.” he jerks his hips, rubbing his clothed cock around my entrance. “That's all you have to say? Hmm okay, baby.”
His pants and underwear are yanked off in one swift motion, and his undergarments hang low against his ankles. The tip of his cock begins to rub against my pussy, from my clit to my entrance. “You want it inside baby.” he pulls back spitting in his cock and fondling it and rubbing the tip around my opening.
“Yes Lee, baby please need it so bad”
“So needy sweetheart.”
With one swift motion, Lee is inside me entirely. letting out a loud groan, he stays for one second letting my pussy adjust to the hasty stretch. “So tight baby.”
He begins to thrust deeply into my pussy, “Hmm baby, so wet and tight for me.” his cock hits my cervix over and over again. The sounds of slapping and moaning fill the once-quiet atmosphere. I glance behind me at Lee with his head thrown back encircled in blood, muttering incoherent words.
“Lee fuck its so big.”
“Yeah, this dick big enough for you? Who's fucking pussy is this?” he starts to thrust harder, “Your pussy baby.”
“Thats right pretty girl.” his thrusts slow down. “Thats fucking right” he grumbles.
A tug on my hair is felt and then a hand creeps up on my neck. “You want me to make you a mommy baby, fill up this pussy?” his thrusts are painfully slow and deep. “Yes baby please wanna be a mommy,” I beg and cry out when his thrusts speed up.
“Good girl, gonna make you the most perfect mom- oh fu- fuck gonna cum in this pussy baby.” hot cum spurts to my cervix and he lets go of my throat. “Good girl, don't let it drip out.” I stand up and he kisses my lips.
“We better get going hun, don't wanna get caught.” he steps away and walks to the front of the truck. I follow quickly behind.
We sit in silence and the car starts.
“Lee I love you.”
“I love you pretty girl.”
#Spotify#timothee chamalet#timothée chalamet#timothee chalamet smut#timothee chalamet#timothee x reader#timothee chalamalabingbong#lee bones and all#bones and all#willy wonka#wonka smut#wonka x reader smut#smut
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Ahem-
Thoughts on the brothers going on up to F!MC's room (And actually knocking for once since Simeon is over and they don't wanna barge in no matter how much they don't like them being alone) only for F!MC to open the door 🦆-ing disselved. Hair messed up, lipstick smudged, shirt halfway unbuttoned and hanging off their shoulder, her face flushed as she holds onto the doorframe yet totally unfazed by her current appearance as she just casually responds with a 'What's up' like it's normal. (Which probably is-) While Simeon is just on her bed in the background, shirt gone, covered in lipstick and bite marks from his face down to his lower stomach, face flushed as he pants and whines about them leaving
(Oh and MC being like short BC we love short dominant women 😋😋)
- M.🪭🪷
As a short fiesty girl myself, I very much approve this idea. Also um power up and get ready to tell "STAY" cause can you imagine the instant riot this is about to cause?
Or it might be more of a lengthy passive-aggresive couple of days for Simeon if this is the Nightbringer universe we are talking about.
"What's up?" You say with unbelievable nonchalance. The brothers look at you with widened eyes - at your newly exposed skin and the obvious signs of intimacy with someone.
They feel a burning inside them. Whether it's jealousy or the animalistic desire to rebrand you with their marks instead.
And if that wasn't enough - they actually see Simeon. Lying down and panting, with his face flushed and eyes struggling to stay open from the sheer bliss of it all.
His fingers were grasping at the sheets around you. "MC..." His needy voice slipped out.
Fuck. MC did that?
Suddenly everyone wants to be Simeon. They stare at the nails on your hands, your lips look even prettier with the smudged lipstick, your teeth peeking through your smirk - they want to feel it all.
Lucifer tries his best to remain calm but his eye twitches frantically as he calls out to Simeon to "have a quick word with him". And his face gets redder as he sees the marks you've made on Simeon up close, and glares at you. It should be him you should have been doing this with.
Mammon and Levi get into a tug of war, both trying to get you to their rooms. In the end, they both end up taking off their shirts and kneeling in front of you, silently begging you to bite them senseless like you did with Simeon. They promise they'll be good boys, way better than Simeon.
Satan's eyes dart everywhere in keen observation - as if trying to recreate in his mind whatever transpired between you and the angel. So he can imagine how it would feel if it was him. He imagines you on top of him, smirking the same way as you are now.
Asmo on the other hand shamelessly asks Simeon for details. How hard do you bite, how soft do your lips feel, how your tongue feel on his skin, what you do with your hands, what you say during - he gets aroused just listening to it.
Beel stands there stunned, cheeks flushed as he has a vague idea of what might have happened. Belphie full on hides his scarlet face in his pillow and groans. They're both about to have some very questionable dreams tonight.
And Simeon? Well he can't stop coming back for more. Even though you both almost got caught, he appears the next night, shirt almost off and his pants unbuttoned. You need to finish what you started.
You smile as he coaxes you back to your bed and on top of his lap. You tut at his impatience - "The door. We didn't lock it."
"Leave it be, please I need you now, MC." He breathes against your lips. You kiss him silly, hearing him whimper through it. You grab his shoulders much to his delight.
"They might see us in the act this time." You warn him. He pulls you closer, burying his head against your chest.
"Let them, I want you too much to care." He lets himself fall, at your whim and mercy. You oblige him and revel in his almost musical moans.
#obey me#obey me smut#obey me simeon#obey me leviathan#obey me satan#obey me asmo#obey me beel#obey me lucifer#obey me mammon#obey me belphie
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any drabbles or hcs about modern dad aemond? <3
thank you for requesting!! i know i'm a bit too optimistic on this but i wanna see aemond in a nice family as a happy dad in this universe!! i hope you enjoy <33333
modern!aemond as a dad headcanons
let's begin with aemond finding out about your pregnancy!!
he doesn't know what to say at first.
i mean maybe it's all been a nice fantasy of his possesiveness, seeing your belly swollen with his child, but once it becomes real, he's a both excited and terrified
excited because what do you mean he's gonna have a baby with the love of his life?? a baby with both of your features, maybe a girl with your eyes or a boy with his hair.
he keeps imagining what would your baby look like during your entire pregnancy
he's also terrified because he has no knowledge on how to raise a child
the best advice he could get from his parents is probably 'don't do anything we did'
alicent would tear up with the news of a baby by the way, it's kinda sweet
i'm not really mentioning viserys
(helaena targaryen putting dream catchers on the walls of baby's room)
(aegon suggesting baby names to annoy aemond)
okay, i'm getting distracted sorry
modern!aemond is the type of guy who tries to learn EVERYTHING about pregnancy
he keeps reading books on it and watching videos or documentaries
because the more he knows, the more he feels comfortable
he keeps talking to the baby with his hands on your belly
it's such a pretty sight
he tells the baby everything, he wants the baby to recognize his voice
you actually feel your baby calming down when aemond rubs your belly gently
he tears up the first time he feels a baby kick (he denies he cried)
he's always been a light sleeper but during the pregnancy he's even more cautious even in sleep (because what if something happens or what if you crave something?)
he sleeps with one hand on your belly
ohhh speaking of cravings
anything you want, you get
literally anything his baby wants
just name it
he's a bit insane about it actually (one time he forced aegon to get you a pineapple in the middle of the night)
now we can get to the part when the baby's born
he's holding your hand the entire time
he is actually freaking out himself (what if something happens to you?) but he knows he has to stay calm
forehead kisses to show you how good you're doing
i like imagining aemond as a girl dad
just imagine him holding a silver haired baby girl in his arms
i don't think i have to say he's crying when he held the baby for the first time
a targaryen name for the pretty girl (it was your idea), he tells you the options and asks for you to choose it
he tries to be as attentive as he can
but sometimes it's hard to deal with, he doesn't have many people to guide him about fatherhood, he's confused most of the time
you try to ease off his worries
at first he's worrying too much about the baby girl
but when everything has a routine, he relaxes a bit
VERY PROTECTIVE
he likes when the baby falls asleep to his voice (she has that in common with her mother)
he likes spotting the resemblances she has with him and you
learns how to give gentle kisses on the baby's chubby cheeks and her soft skin
he always wants you to sleep more, if someone has to be awake at night to look after the baby, it'll be him
reading books to the baby
he tries to be a good dad. he knows how important that is for a child. he just doesn't know how to be that all the time but he looks for new ways every time he feels like he fails
you assure him he's enough.
when your daughter is 3 years old, you find out about a new pregnancy
at first aemond was thinking it was impossible to love someone more than he loves his daughter
but with the news, his mind changes really quickly
another baby with you??
this time he thinks it'll be better for both of you, being more experienced in parenthood
the pregnancy is somehow familiar, aemond realizes he missed talking to his baby through your belly
he makes sure your daughter warms up to the idea of having a sibling
his relationships with his siblings are complicated, and mostly dramatic but his children can be different
you have a son this time
another silver haired baby, he also has aemond's eyes
aemond is the one who introduces his son to his daughter, his cheeks ache from smiling too much that day
he keeps taking care of you
now that he knows more about being a father, it's easier to arrange his routines for a baby and a toddler
mostly you take care of your son as aemond plays with your daughter
he teaches her how to braid hair and i stand by it.
attending the tea parties she has with her dolls
praising her for being so good with her brother
he is amazed by how clever she is
and then you say 'she's yours what were you expecting???'
now, i just wanna say aemond doesn't thinks himself as a perfect father (what is a perfect father?)
but he's most afraid of neglecting his children without meaning to
and putting pressure on them because of his family
i assume, having a relationship with you changed his opinion on many things, he had no idea of a healthy relationship before you
and it's not always rainbows and butterflies but you both learn how to be each other's other half.
it takes time and patience, but especially with the children it becomes easier
sorry if i'm being too optimistic but i just wanna imagine aemond as a happy dad
he also loves how good of a mom you're being to his kids (falling in love with you all over again haha)
he was actually worried about his prosthetic eye at the beginning, mostly thinking of how to explain little kids of losing his eye when he was just a bit older than them
but you help him find a way
everything is easier with you
he tries to be better.
he likes seeing his attitude in his daughter and seeing his eyes on his son
they are parts of him, too pure and too sweet
he'd never thought he'd have a happy family on day
he does anything in his power to keep the peace and happiness.
#aemond targaryen#aemond targaryen x you#aemond targaryen x reader#house of the dragon#aemond x you#aemond x reader#modern!aemond#aemond one eye#hotd#aemond targaryen x fem!reader#aemond x fem!reader#modern!aemond targaryen#aemond targaryen headcanons#aemond targaryen fluff#house of the dragon fic#house of the dragon headcanons#aemond targaryen fic#aemond targaryen fanfic#aemond targaryen fanfiction#aemond targaryen imagine#house of the dragon fanfic#house of the dragon imagine#house of the dragon fanfiction#house targaryen#modern!aemond targaryen x reader#aemond as a dad
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I love how Paul's character in The Guy Who Didn't Like Musicals is defined entirely by a lack of desire, or desire defined only as 'not what I don't want'. "What Do You Want, Paul?" is a big joke about what a terrible narrative protagonist he is. But it's deeper than that. Throughout the show, even in the smallest, most insignificant phrasing, this man only ever expresses wants in these negative forms, as if he's incapable of feeling attraction in itself rather than simply avoiding what he dislikes. And only avoiding! He never says that he hates anything, either! That would give him passion, drive, perhaps the goal of actively removing that thing. No, he exclusively uses the verb hate in past tense.
He doesn't like musicals, singing, dancing or public performances. He makes this very clear, to the point that it's one of his most significant character traits. At no point does he ever talk about liking any media.
He doesn't want to do social activities.
He doesn't want to give away his money. About both this and the above, he can provide no logical explanation or moral justification. He just doesn't feel like them.
He always gets black coffee because it has "no cream, no sugar, nothing in it"; that is to say, he might not necessarily love it, merely prefer it over its sweeter or more complex alternatives.
He doesn't believe that Emma should have to sing and dance at work - he doesn't want her life to be so unfair and annoying to the both of them.
He doesn't want to obstruct the workings of his office (saying "that's the last thing I want" triggers "What Do You Want, Paul?").
He says, "I wanna go home!" when Mr Davidson is singing at him, but means that he wants to be somewhere safe and not stuck in this incredibly uncomfortable situation.
He doesn't want to die.
He specifically doesn't want to die in Clivesdale, because fuck Clivesdale.
He doesn't want to join the Hive.
He doesn't want to leave Hatchetfield, even when it's the site of an alien invasion that is his personal worst nightmare. He actually says that "All things considered, I like Hatchetfield", arguably an exception to the standard. However, he's also well aware of the town's flaws and problems. He grew up one of its poorer residents, attending the inferior, underfunded Sycamore High School where he casually admits the students "hated [themselves]" and having to watch its more respectable rival Hatchetfield High's school play. He has no strong investment in his tedious middle-class office job. He doesn't get along with some of his fellow townsfolk, like his coworker Ted and all the employees of Beanies except Emma. He awkwardly evades giving to charity and the homeless every morning on his way to work. His life is decidedly not one of utter bliss, and yet it's good enough for him in that he doesn't have the energy, ambition or imagination to want anything more. Since he's "been here [his] whole life", his affection for his hometown could be more an aversion to everywhere else or the hassle of travelling. Sticking with the devil he intimately knows.
He doesn't think badly of Emma, and says so because he doesn't want her to or believe that he does after learning that she helped make a "hated" experience of his happen.
He doesn't want to let Bill die, which is why he goes with Bill to rescue Alice. His heroism and proactiveness at the turning point of the end of Act One start to notably erode his apathy, but his phrasing reaffirms his negative motivations: "Hey, it's not like you're asking me to go see Mama Mia!", "Emma, there comes a time in every man's life when he has to draw a line in the sand. And I will never be in a fucking musical."
He doesn’t want Bill to blame himself for Alice's endangerment, stay in the area once Alice is revealed to be a vessel of the Hive or kill himself.
He doesn't want to do some light reading on the universal truth of love and the strength of the human heart.
He has no positive motivation. He breaks one of the most basic rules of being a fictional character, let alone the main character the audience is supposed to root for. He isn't just an antihero, he's an anti-protagonist. Although this could easily make him boring or unsympathetic, he manages to seem relatable. Real. Human. He captures so genuinely an ordinary person living an ordinary life suddenly trapped in a horror story. How many of us can honestly articulate "one concrete goal that motivates all [our] actions"? Even if you can, you wouldn't undergo a narratively fulfilling and thematically cohesive arc related to that desire the way a fictional character would. We're all essentially just trying to survive each day. To make or keep our lives however we define 'good enough'. We may not have a crystal clear picture of our ideal life, but I bet we all have a long list of things we don't want in it. We're all Paul. He even says, “I want what anyone wants”.
What more appropriate antagonist for this man to face, then, than a force that exists to strip people of their autonomy, their individuality, their personhood, and force them to play archetypical characters in a conventional narrative? The Hive observes that Paul is an anti-protagonist and takes offence to this. It seeks to convert him into his antithesis, the "bold" "leading man" of its musical who the audience can "sympathize with". The Infected highlight this in the opening song, in which they eagerly anticipate and prepare the audience for his entrance... and he misses his cue. He isn't following their script. Perhaps that's why the audience is able to believe in this average, unassuming antihero's potential to succeed, to defeat the Hive or at the very least escape it, despite how fraught and grim the situation becomes. The story certainly proves itself to be cruel to its characters; but Paul doesn't operate like a normal character. The Hive promises to fulfil people's desires and make them happy throughout the play. Charlotte, Bill, Hidgens and Ted's deaths are connected to, by either direct causality or thematic relevance, their respective desires for Sam's love, Alice's safety, world peace (and the glory of a musical career) and Ted's own survival. Paul is uniquely immune to this pattern of death related to a core motivation.
Until:
"I can't leave without Emma”, “a friend of mine."
"Is there a chance of something more?"
"I think so. I'd like there to be. I want there to be."
He wants Emma, her life and her happiness and maybe, just maybe, her love. He wants to love her. To spend time with her. For the first time ever, he wants more out of life, not less. He's a little bit more of a character. After the Infected reprise the "Did you hear the word?" section of the opening song, building up to his appearance, this time he does enter the theatre, coming down the aisle just as he was meant to. Right on cue. Paul is now vulnerable to the narrative - the Hive's narrative. And the Hive's control.
Still he resists, even while doubting if he was ever really happy before. Not only does he use his final words, fittingly, to declare that he doesn't like musicals, but before that he firmly refutes the Hive, and the philosophy behind it and all the pressures and temptatations it might represent: "It doesn't matter what I want." What matters is the good of the world. Emma. Love. Hope. Freedom. Integrity. Humanity, which must be wonderful if we can make sacrifices like this for all the right reasons.
Rest in peace, Paul Matthews. You were the opposite of a conventional protagonist, but a true hero.
#paul matthews#the guy who didn't like musicals#tgwdlm#hatchetfield#tgwdlm hive#hatchetfield meta#tgwdlm meta#tgwdlm analysis#analysis
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Reading 30 Strales and omg Blade smelling like citrus sounds amazing. I've been playing for about 3 weeks and after fulling catching up on the trailblazer quests I was like dang blade kills people a lot right, he probably smells like blood 24/7 that's so gross. All this to say... reject logic, I agree that blade smells like citrus. Do you have thoughts on what any of the others would smell like?
what the hsr men smell like
ft. blade, gepard, jing yuan, dan heng, luocha, and welt
cw!: mentions of blood, no pronouns for reader mentioned, implied relationship, cuddling, swearing, super fluffy :)
note - thank you so much for reaching out to me omg 🥺 i reject logic too so that's how the whole citrus thing came to be ajsjdk. also i know absolutely nothing about colognes/fragrances so i'm sorry if i mess some of these up ;-; hope you're having a great day/night though pookie <3
and as always, thank you for reading :)
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blade
~ as mentioned above, def smells like citrus and bergamot.
~ sometimes you can catch a little metallic-y whiff of (cough cough) def not blood (cough cough), but it never lasts for long - when he hugs you, the smell of oranges invades your senses like a light summer breeze~
~ and don't get me started on how obsessed he is w this scent. if he stays somewhere for even 1-2 days, you know he's bringing along his 3 freakin citrus-scented candles!!
~ please run your fingers thru his hair when you're hanging out or cuddling. please. he will melt from headpats and your fingers will smell like his shampoo for the rest of the day, and since you love the scent of gentle lime, why not?
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gepard
~ omg this man!! he's totally giving cashmere + hot cocoa for some reason??? he doesn't really use cologne/fragrances and prefers his natural scent, but does use cashmere and vanilla body wash + shampoo.
~ like sure, after a busy day at work or training he'll kinda smell like sweat but will immediately take a shower when he gets home. he hates being sweaty and thinks it's icky if he does for too long-
~ and when you snuggle up to him for cuddle time on a day off, you just wanna stay there forever bc his scent envelops you like a blanket on freezing winter nights <3
~ overall very comforting and warm, just like Gepard himself!! (cries in human heater vibes)
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jing yuan
~ musk + cinnamon + a little bit of spice, and def uses cologne.
~ actually wants to smell nice and puts in the effort!! changes his sheets, washes his clothes, showers every day (but washes his hair every 3 days or so bc haircare)
~ speaking of haircare, this man's big on it. most of his haircare products smell like the aforementioned musk and cinnamon, but he uses this one cream that smells like cloves and you freakin adore it. sometimes you borrow it so that whenever you're going out and he's busy with his big boy general duties, it feels like he's with u <3
~ and ughhhh his bedroom smells like him so whenever you guys have le cuddle time you fall asleep almost immediately. ofc he eventually does too (bc he loves how u smell too pookie, don't tell him i said that though he would kill me aksjskd) and you're so warm and soft and how could he not fall asleep??
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dan heng
~ very ocean-y (salty?), small hints of eucalyptus and cypress as well. when he uses cologne he uses very, very little, but he actually has 2 separate colognes, one for the ocean-y cypress, and the other for the eucalyptus
~ i feel like this is kinda a bold statement but he uses bath bombs. like he gets a bath bomb that smells like mint, gets in the bathtub w it, and glides his thumbs over its surface bc he likes the texture-
~ he might not be the cleanest man in the universe, but he sure does smell like it!! something about eucalyptus and cypress and mint and a hint of ocean breeze is chillingly refreshing and tbh you kinda dig it :D
~ mornings w dan heng. omfg they are ethereal bc he literally smells angelic??? like a gentle freshness yk and the pillows smell like him too so lazy mornings are def a thing that you guys love sharing <3
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luocha
~ oooo he's kinda a wild card imo, but personally, i think that he smells like jasmine + honey (not just bc of his idle + technique!! pinky promise)
~ he lowkey smells a little like freshly-cut grass, very light n refreshing. however, jasmine takes center stage, and if you really bury your face in his long-ass hair, you can catch a whiff of chamomile :))
~ super big on herbal teas and honey as well - i hc that he brings a water bottle w him that's just green tea n honey so when you're close to his face (cuddling, hugging, etc) the honey adds this sweetness that blends super well w the aforementioned chamomile + jasmine <3
~ like jing yuan, super involved in haircare!! he does use less products, but you still freakin adore this chamomile shampoo that he uses. avid believer in aromatherapy, prob uses essential oils (not for curing cancer ofc)
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welt
~ coffee and amberwood!! both are deep and rich scents and he probably uses cologne in very small amounts aksjdks
~ coffee addict and the scent faintly lingers, so the amberwood is really more prominent, but overall i promise he doesn't smell like dust or smth, he's not that old he takes good care of himself :))
~ burns incense in his room bc it helps him relax and concentrate on his drawings, so he does have a little resin smell to him, but you don't mind bc it's actually quite comforting. he once almost caused a fire bc he dropped a lit match onto the carpet but we don't talk about that-
~ loves to hug you so whenever he does, you always feel so cozy and loved and aaaaa ya'll are so cute i can't <3 and since he's pretty tall he sometimes rests his head on top of yours and hugs you from behind like that and you melt immediately bc it's like a blanket!! but smells super nice!!
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#honkai star rail#hsr#honkai#fluff#gepard fluff#blade fluff#jing yuan fluff#dan heng fluff#luocha fluff#welt fluff#blade x reader#gepard x reader#jing yuan x reader#dan heng x reader#luocha x reader#welt x reader#tysm for the idea though!!! i actually love it sm-
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Do you mind sharing your headcanons/au idea of Satan Stan and eldericth god Kenny?
It would also be nice to know Kyle's in that universe
Sorry for nagging you about this, but I'm super interested in this. Feel free to ignore this ask if you don't wanna answer
honestly its kind of just scattered things from the show that i take too seriously! but here are some random little thoughts!
Kenny:
- He was born while his parents were in the cult of cthulu (canon-ish) and in H.P. Lovecraft lore Cthulu is the child of this thing called Shub-niggurath who's also known as the all mother, The Black Goat of the Woods with a Thousand Young, AND IS ALSO in the south park fractured but whole game!
Shub is the outer mythos's god of fertility. When shub has a child theyre called a "dark Young" and Cthulu is techincally one of them. A common trait the dark young share though is they cant die- theyre really creepy and murderous abominations that spill from Shubs body, or theyre born from creatures who can become pregnant and are near her. But yeah a big thing is unless by the hands of an eldrith horror THEY CANT DIE
and whats a funky little thing about Kenny?
SO Kenny is a child of the outer mythos! It would explain why Kenny never stays in either heaven or hell, because OUTER gods soulds dont belong in that realm.
Also in my silly headcanon Cthulu and Kenny are brothers because of Shub! i imagine that once Kennys lived out the life of his human half (80 years or so) he'll have a final death and then join the cosmic war :)
(the cosmic war is the on going war between the outer gods to see whether the embodiment of peace or chaos will rule the mythos.)
Shub is also a lot of things, an evil force in the cosmic war, the mother of the embodiments of good and evil, but shes a GREAT mom!
The dark young are drawn to her and she to them so she can always find them
I like to think a lot of the crazy bad things that happen in South Park happen because Kenny is there! Shubs presence causes animals to go crazy and humans would become weird because she literally embodies chaos
Stan:
- A lot less complicated haha
Stan allows Satan to use him as a vessel in the episode "Freemium isnt Free" after Satan gives him a really earnest talk about addiction and how it can be genetic and how his enviroment isnt conducive to healthy living.
When hes possessed Stan gains a lot of power and can shoot fire out of his hands (sick) and also travel through hell
I like to headcanon that stan starts to conjure Satan more often as he gets older and talk to him about his problems kind of like an older brother haha
Then randomly on their adventures Stan allows Satan to possess him to help out in fights or situations
Satan and Kenny are also bros so its chill
In this same sphere of headcanon Kyle is more towards the light side of the supernatural! I got an ask of someone pointing out that Kyle made a light bulb explode when he got mad at the end of that episode where cartman pretended to be psychic, but ill have to think more on it to include kyle!
Cartmans actually just the most evil little bastard alive, thats kinda supernatural
#my headcanons#asks#ask art#stan marsh#kenny mccormick#ALSO ALL THE ASKS IVE RECIEVED ABOUT IT ARE VERY SWEET DONT BE SORRY ANY OF YOU!
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hello hello, I took the alien stage pill. howdy fellow sufferers
Honestly, my first reaction to basically everything was "awww, they come in sets and are all without exception horribly doomed no matter their specs (loops cool music and vids)"
I'd seen some of VIVINOS' team works without realizing it was the same artist (my favorites being Beloved and Otomeroid) so it was rather shocking to learn of a "series" with a fandom as active/relatively large as Alien Stage without ever actually stumbling upon it before...
Anyways. I like the concept, and Hyuna+Luka in particular, a whole lot. In spite of all the jokes about only yuri and yaoi losing, my spider sense says they'll get their turn of crashing horribly soon and I wanna stay here to witness it burn beautifully, of course.
TL;DR OMG HYULUKA IS SO DELICIOUS
general yapping about all alien stage duos under the cut and some Hyuna/Luka considerations and theories
disclaimer: long, chaotic post ahead - i wrote most of it during revenge bedtime procrastination so I'm kinda just rambling/discussing my general impressions and vibes here instead of formatting it nicely or properly illustrating my points. good luck if you choose to stick around and make yourself comfy
alien stage impressions under read more - also SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS
funny thing - I got into alien stage completely by chance after checking out some related vids to my Love and Deepspace twitter spree and avoiding my responsibilities. Ivan's Black Sorrow made a very strong impression and I loved his eyes, so I kept going deeper down the rabbit role and felt fascinated by the web of dynamics between the characters each time I took in a little more of the plot.
(His eyes are so cool and expressive.....I was already loving everything prior and was excited to continue, but Ivan was definitely the one to sell me on the concept more strongly and eat up the rest.)
It was interesting seeing "love" portrayed under such dire conditions and I kept wondering how come the aliens are so stupid they chose a 1vs1 PVP combat format with their beloved pets instead of the optimal formation of idol units and at least duos versus each other to utilize their feelings of love. Why would they do that?
That first innocent musing made me realize how clever the team behind ALNST is. The whole thing seems to be operating as a metaphor/commentary about how predatory the real idol industry is (the concept of anakt garden really sounds like the average idol trainee camp experience and the bonds they form with their group mates) and how heartless guardian (parental) figures can be in a society that is heavily utilitarian and barely gives agency to either their own children or sentient beings like animals that we keep as pets.
So in that world, the sacrifices of being an idol are literal and humans themselves are "pets" - with all the implications that come with "being dependent on a species that does not properly comprehend them". At times, the way they refer to the fandom of each character even seems to be tongue in cheek as to how "we" too are watching the story for entertainment and making fanbases for each character and reacting like some of the in-universe alien fans.
Therefore, it's no brainer that the answer to my initial question was: aliens/Segyein don't understand how to utilize human bonds and emotions to their maximum efficiency in the first place. They know interaction between humans seems to be important and produces more beautiful songs. However, they probably experience those feelings differently and most of them are likely unable to truly empathize with human pain, ethics or feelings. (And believe me, even some people have a hard time believing other species benifit from socialization, so aliens being that way is understandable). Perhaps the awful acts of the Segyein mutilating their pet human is no different from pulling a butterfly's wings to a human or injecting colored fluid into a flower. The glimpses of their buildings and tv show that they have the same sort of "do they have rights?" feelings and similar moral conflicts to what we have in the real world about species we don't understand fully.
I think it's really challenging to analyze a work attempting to guess future developments when you don't know the creator too well. In spite of looping OTOMEROID I wouldn't say I know VIVINOS and her team deeply as an admirer. But from the overall tone of the videos in her channel, I could pick up on a fascination with "extremes" of emotion and exploring the hypocrisy of society. Human/animal experimentation and materialism/religion/consumerism are topics that come up often. Love is also hardly ever portrayed as a simple or benevolent feeling alone - there's unrequited love, obsession, insanity, many facets of that feeling on the channel. Some works are more straightforward and focus on the visual presentation, others seem to have a deeper story behind it.
The technical quality of the Alien Stage MVs is extremely impressive, I had a blast looking at the patreon storyboards and feeling like "wow, a person actually made this". It seriously got me inspired to feel like drawing more to get out of my own artblock and to pick up on old OCs to show them some love. In the era of AI, this is a joy to get to feel. It all definitely feels like a well-put together labor of love. I'm super weak to things brimming with passion like this, it's contagious!!!!
Now that I've tried my best to make an eloquent opening and act like I'm not at all just a fangirl foaming at the mouth with this intense concept (I keep crying that I wanna see either Aka or Ohkawa try their hand at a death game scenario) and at the sight of a tragic toxic duo with a backstory of a deeply rooted mutual obsession/love and fall out (wiping drool out of the corner of my mouth as we speak), let's talk a little more about the story. In order to make sense out of my ramblings and projections, let me explain my thoughts on the other duos besides my bias first.
Mizi and Sua set the tone to their universe as well as serve as an explanation as to why "idols" work well to represent their conflict and struggle - I'm fresh out of Oshi no Ko here, so this feels equal parts like a comfort zone and everything but comfortable and hellish to go over again. But, to put it briefly, the adoration of someone as an entertainer that you want to support also overlaps with the word reserved for adoring "an image or representation of a god used as an object of worship" - idol.
Humans, stripped of their power and autonomy after arrogantly believing they were superior to everyone else and were the only beings in the vast universe, have been subjugated by other species. Because of the bleak, unforgiving circumstances they were faced with afterwards, the surviving ones were turned into luxury pets and stripped of their freedom. Free will made them children of God before, so people have forgotten all about the "God" who couldn't answer their prayers/save them. But, as Mizi says, the belief in God is innate to human nature. You are more likely live in this world successfuly if you have someone to look up to or a reason to survive.
When God seems so far away and so cruel...what they can do is look to each other as their "Gods". Because a belief in God is ultimately, a cry for salvation and acceptance...."The Bible makes it clear that “God is love” (1 John 4:8). He isn't just loving, but he is the very definition of love."Therefore, all characters are, in some way, looking for salvation and being constantly tested and brutally being forced to show off their humanity through the lens of how love affects them - and not at the privacy of their inner thoughts or anything. All of that in order to portray different aspects of "love", adoration and what it means to be human. To have a belief on the unseen - "what is essential is invisible to the eye".
IT'S ALIEN AMERICAN IDOL MEETS DANGANRONPA. WHOO.
(gOD I wish we could have gotten Luka vs Sua or vs Ivan in some way. That feels like it would be extremely close and entertaining to see. Am I losing my humanity? Why is my keyboard slimy? Am I becoming a Segyein ....?)
Of course, because I fell for all those deliciously doomed themes like the good CLAMP/Akasaka foolish nerd I am, I bought patreon access day one. Although some setting details were unexpected, I was pretty satisfied with my overall initial grasp on most of the characters. If you found me through the tags and didn't already follow me, my disclaimer here so you get to know me is that I easily gravitate to polarizing characters or doomed ships like a curse. There are also certain Themes that follow me like a plague and I could see some of my favorite characters' shadows on the doomed kids I liked right away. Like an itch to spot something more to what is being shown.
Therefore right away, Luka and Hyuna caught my eye big time. (literally, when I watched sweet dream I kept pausing and going - whOA WHO IS THE COOL GIRL WITH THE CIG. Wait wait wait show me more of the boy that looks dead inside overstimulated by the flashing lights!)
I don't really have any pretension to be quoted on anything here or say things verbatim (Patreon says it's fine to produce derivative content based on what's there, but as expected, it's enforced not to directly share it so I can't really go argument-evidence here by presenting it) and have only seen pictures of the artbook secondhand by a friend, so I'll have my fun here making commentary loosely based on extra content and sporadically showing off pretty MV captures.
Anyway.
We're introduced to this universe through the jarring cruelty of ROUND 1, contrasting a harmonic, beautiful, lullaby-like melody with a harsh outcome. Like Mizi, unless we got spoiled beforehand, we don't really know anything about what's about to horrifically transpire. And though she got education, it feels like the teachings about what death or the Alien Stage would be like were horribly sugar coated or distorted to her, as incentive to give their best performances - like sacrificing themselves was a good thing. The extra materials back this up with Mizi's first interview about "My Clematis" - it's like they're told they're simply going back to their "origins" entity (The Grand Ankt) and it's a pretty and peaceful thing. We're shown how bad humans have it in their society and simultaneously get a montage of a cute, healthy, heartwarming relationship between the two girls and a deep "pure" love, as well as feel the weight of Sua's sacrifice and how badly it hurts Mizi. You're told that Sua is her God, her Universe in a Godless world - only to have her ripped away and "God" basically slaughtered for cheap entertainment. Some of the extra materials put it as a certain "mutual love" between Sua and Mizi.
It's interesting how we're shown a stage and don't know what to expect at first - since the girls seem "calm" and happy to express their love, but there's an increasing sense of dread until the finality of Sua's death hits and the pretty, shining girl we see in the flashbacks becomes an empty husk. The MVs seem all to be roughly designed around creating a surprise at the end or recontextualizing something we have seen previously.
I won't discuss Till and Ivan at length at this time, because that would get too long and demands it's own post (I sure as hell rewatched Unknown, Black Sorrow and Cure many times though), but the key part for me here is - they similarly express "love", but through another facet - obsession of a one-sided love and the desire to reach salvation or a reason to endure the world because of that, too. To the point of choosing the chance of love over salvation, expressed by Till letting go of Ivan's hand when they had a chance to escape (not wanting to leave Mizi behind most likely) and Ivan's kiss and decision to strangle Till to give his own life in exchange for his/finally getting to express his "shallow emotions" he perceives as something that won't deeply scar Till (but it does, and it mattered, far more than he could ever have known). It's interesting that although Mizi calls Sua a God, they develop something closer to a balanced, mutual relationship, as much as their lack of understanding of "human relationship" allows - they connect deeply. Ivan, according to the comics, sees himself in Sua, but it's deeply frustrating how he couldn't build the same sort of connection with Till and felt like he could only maintain a bond through violence.
Mizi seems to be the only human who was raised in a "stable home" (her alien seems to actually love her closest to a mother), but that's not enough to protect her from pain - after all, the alien's reasoning was that if Mizi likes singing, she should join. Yolo! Your human baby's life is so short! Sounds like outdoor cat owners to me. Ugh. All other pet humans are going through some flavor of parental abuse, and it all reflects in how they express their emotions and what sort of decisions they tend to take.
Till, in contrast to all that, more closely resembles the definition of looking at Mizi like an oshi/idol as a comfort to run from the pains of his life - he always looks hurt or abused, but Mizi is like medicine that even watching from far away makes him feel "saved" due to nurturing that "first love" that is heavily idealized. It's interesting how his character that is first introduced as somewhat violent or wild because of the smashing guitar and "addict"/drug imagery turns out to be one of the most sensitive.
The cloaked figure of Mizi in Blink Gone seems to resemble a saint or Mary (mother) holding a child in her lap as he takes his last breaths. She rushed into the crowd in a desperate attempt to save or at least comfort him in his predicament. Till's final position even resembles that of being crucified.
All that, however, makes Till unable to see Ivan properly - who is constantly around him and yearning for his attention, protecting and loving him in desperate ways that he doesn't realize until the very last minute. He is also seemingly detaching himself from the "real" world as a very "pure" child (shown in the way he loves with full devotion and his artistic inclinations), which of course, makes Ivan painful to face - who is a grounding entity and a reminder of the real world. The one who touches his wounds, who is "there" and not unreachable like a flower at the top of a mountain. That love between Ivan and Till got expressed in a way that was painful to both, but a very human act of a clashing selfish and selfless-ness.
None of them are built for this. They're trying to survive.
So far, what I've got is...Mizi and Sua set a standard of what is closest to a mutual love that was growing together in a relatively equal and healthy way. Ivan and Till were reworked to avoid overlap with them and are chosen to portray the sense of an immature, obsessive love and clashing emotions. It's interesting to me how much the creators stress the "one-sided" and controlling nature of Ivan for behind the scenes, and I feel like this does not mean that Till couldn't possibly return his feelings - after all, the Actor AU does show great chemistry between them. It's more like, within their living conditions and because of the emotional immaturity of both of them, they literally could not see eye to eye - Till looking at an idol out of reach (Mizi), and Ivan choosing to seek out his attention through violent means that confused Till, thus he was unable to respond to the intensity of what he felt and grow into it.
NOW. TO THE MAIN COURSE THAT IS ROTTING MY BRAIN: HYULUKA.
If we've got all those bases covered so far...where does that leave Hyuna and Luka?
(This is the most Mello/Near-like I've ever seen another ship pull off. My inner 13 yo is screaming. They're both incredibly gorgeous. How is a hetero couple simultaneously so BL and yuri-like in DRAMA AND IMAGERY? CLAMP would be proud...)
You see, there's no official answer about the true nature of their bond yet.
But I have a lot of speculations. It clearly looks like a rotten, strangled-by-the-red-string-of-fate sort bond that is just up my alley. THE MOST FUN IS GETTING TO BABBLE BEFORE GETTING AN ASSERTIVE ANSWER. I'm all for making a fool of myself, so let's get down to it.
To put it simply - I believe Hyuna and Luka's role is expressing the extremes of the setting itself and what "to love" means within it, with a turn for the worse and the tragedy of "not understanding" even if there is love.
How do you conquer an oppressive world in which all odds are against you? Would you overtake it through rebellion or would you strike at it from within?
In a world in which God's teachings have become lost to time and difficult to believe, does love strengthen or weaken you? If it causes pain and destruction, can it still be called love?
I think Hyuna and Luka are standing at opposite sides of those beliefs, and cannot understand each other's mindset.
Seems simple enough to write Luka as a mere villain final boss since he seems to be enjoying himself at the evil death game and Hyuna as the nice rebel who wants to save everyone, right? But it's confirmed Hyuna wasn't really trying to rescue more people like she had an opportune moment to do for Mizi.
The artbook also says something incredibly interesting about what the "Luka Syndrome" mentioned in one of the MVs really means - Luka's prestige as a performer is raising the prestige of pet humans. He also believes "Hyuna would be safe with him" - Why is that?
I think they might actually have similar goals and a similar stubborness in which they believe themselves to be the correct one and the other to be pitiful and foolish. Hyuna is trying to overthrow a system that is well-established and has far more power or influence than them, therefore she needs to resort to drastic measures and flashy means to assert dominance over the alien society.
Luka on the other hand, feels like he is using the system against it and exercising his own humanity while at it. Rather than tackling the incredibly daunting task of being a rebel with guns blazing, Luka became a master of the stage in a way that makes humans gain influence and thus become more valuable.Even if I try to think of it as "he's just trying to survive", that doesn't feel enough - because whenever he is not on stage, Luka looks dead inside already.
Especially in the arts he looks like a younger child or teenager, except for the ones after he seems more consistently approached by Hyuna. It's hard for me to think what moves him is a survival instinct. He is also portrayed like the typical "golden kid" syndrome victim - someone so systematically beaten to satisfy their narcissist guardian figure and submitted to so much pain that they eventually absorb part of that mindset as a way to have agency and autonomy over themselves. It gives the illusion of being successful and thus that the abuse was "effective", but it's like a curse that is difficult to break from.
I think both of them are older for a thematic reason. It feels like it could represent what it feels like, as adults, to no longer be able to hold onto naive or idealistic things about the world or society due to ignorance and having to choose a path to express your ideas and reach your goals through your "work".
Hyuna is guns blazing and "adult pleasures" - singing to an underground stage, trying to scrub off the wounds of her past with alcohol, and it's interesting that her guardian alien is portrayed like an "absent" parent figure - they have an interest in humans, but doesn't care about watching Hyuna when she first was eligible for Alien Stage. I wonder if they even are the one looking for her at all - seems to me it's more of an alien police thing because of her "crimes". Under that seemingly "thick" skin though, it seems clear that Hyuna is deeply affected by Luka still, and the loss of her brother. She deals with her wounds by not really dealing with them at all and guess what - it's a weak point. Her song is uplifting and refreshing, but she clearly demonstrates that closing your eyes to trauma and purely moving forward doesn't make them go away. In that sense, Mizi is a way she is trying to "mentor" someone navigate through loss.
I love outcasts and mildly autistic-coded characters, so I gravitated to Sua, Ivan and Luka right away.
(Extroverted cutie and the doomest doomer of the bunch. As a side note, their character design alone and contrast is genius and gorgeous. I'd expect 90% of the time for Luka to be the designated BL character and hardly do I ever see his archetype paired with the sort of sharp, striking beauty that Hyuna has so I definitely got giddy with them right away. She reminds me a lot of Michiko Malando and Luka reminds me of Near, two characters I love a whole lot and funnily enough have the same mbti types the artbook describes them as - ESTP and INTJ. Ankt garden Luka looks somewhat closer to the AU versions of Luka, so gotta love both his origins and his twisted post-alnst/hyuun woo self)
I believe Hyuna bundles Luka with that trauma of grief and loss, and it's still unclear what their roles are in it and after the fact. While singing all in verses "We only get one life, so I'm living mine for me/'Cause I'm the one from your wildest dreams", Luka's face flashes through Hyuna's mind before even her brothers, like it's something that's always on the back of it and barely suppressed.
See...since VIVINOS loves the "more than meets the eye"/twist concept, something I'm expecting is for Hyuna's feelings not to be as black and white as blaming Luka and actually. It obviously was dysfunctional and isn't that....delicious???
I feel like a one-sided love or obsession wouldn't make sense to repeat as themes, and because of the heavy trauma associated in the backstory, it's not like a "healthy mutual love". To bridge the themes of MiziSua and IvanTill, I think Hyuna and Luka are being told in a way to express love as something that can also destroy instead of save, and their clashing ideologies come from a place of wanting to think "-I'M- right and want to be your god", instead of ever having been able to understand each other properly.
They have a similarly "corrupt" love that has a lot of guilt and regret built into it. Even with something awful as what happened to her brother, it's curious that Hyuna's mind first thinks of Luka in an "enamored" light - the scene looks pretty tender - but that's also attached to the weight of Hyun Woo's death.
I think It's likely that the twist is Hyuna having been the one who hurt her brother, even, considering the dynamic in these comics:
Luka and Hyun Woo compete for Hyuna's attention, and it's to be expected that none of them understand the boundaries and definitions of love too well. Hyuna and Hyun Woo seem to be naive and relatively raised in a decent way, submitted to superiority tests like the rest, but not directly abused. They seem to express their love for each other in a cheerful, healthy way, Hyuna probably because of her closeness to her brother (which is unusual for other pet humans to be able to do) is extremely physical in how she shows affection. She doesn't really reprimand Luka, and that creates an unhealthy dynamic in which Luka plays the victim - in spite of starting things - to enjoy Hyuna's attention. There is a cute comic that looks silly, but encapsulates it all:
Luka is a little shit that wants to be pampered. He knows he is physically weaker - if you come across a rabbit being hurt by a wolf, you wouldn't suspect the rabbit provoked it. So Hyuna constantly seems to take Luka's side regardless of what happened, wanting to have that protector role.
Luka on the other hand, has no reference of what it's like to be "loved". He is systematically abused and treated like an object - therefore, he perceives relationships in terms of "ownership". And I don't think Hyuna truly understands just what she is enabling when she encourages Luka to act the way he does or thinks his neediness is "cute".
Honestly, I think there's strong sexual abuse imagery in Luka's art and the presentation of his stage image as someone taking charge of their objectification. His clothing for stage always shows off his body one way or another and both Hyuna and him have this sensual imagery and approach to others, as if "reclaiming one's own body". The contrast of Luka's blank expression and the red collar indicating a mental breakdown in that artwork above featuring Heperu's shadow approaching him is truly chilling.
That boy has no reference of what a familial bond or love is like. And both his introspective nature and abuse seem to make it even worse for him to connect with his peers- in the artbook his only relationships listed are Hyuna and Mizi, in very negative ways. He is also said to have retreated deeper into his own world, because "no one can understand him". Again, checks out with the imagery of "gifted son" that is treated like a narcissistic parent's doll and that becomes desensitized to many things over time.
His alien guardian Heperu even looks vaguely phallic and Luka has body language of "trying to disappear" or soothing himself when not up the stage - hugging knees, looking smaller, sucking on sleeves, stimming with toys (rubik's cube). The scars on his chest seem related to the abuse of submitting him to pain to overcome fear and I theorize the scars on the side may have been for plastic surgery like abdominoplasty or even possibly removing ribs. Normally that would be done from the back, but hey - alien science, and he already had "tainted" scarred skin on the front, so it would make sense to try preserving his back. His waist is drawn really really thin. It's also mentioned that he had a strict diet even though he is a big eater - that is, Heperu is deeply violating his agency in accordance with Lookism.
Luka has all the makings of a really tragic character and reminds me of Kamiki Hikaru's construction in Oshi no Ko. A victim turned abuser in some ways, as a way to seek autonomy, self expression and living for their ideals and love, no matter how twisted it has become.
There's a comic that has a "flashback" of anakt garden and Hyuna being asked by Luka if she likes to sing. The POV of Hyuna's face looks as soft as Luka's does from hers. She tells him that they don't have freedom for anything else, but when she is up at the stage, it's like her life is "her own", so she likes it. The image of Luka singing as an adult suggests that even now, those are the words he pictures and that is the image of Hyuna that is alive in his mind.
In a way, both of them are deeply attached to the past, and while Hyuna wants to shut it down completely and regrets it having happened, Luka's feelings are twisted.
We don't know much about the kiss. Considering the "sucking on forehead" comics, I get the feeling Hyuna was startled by the sudden escalation from Luka acting as a passive, cute pet and jumping her with so much intensity, but may not necessarily have pushed him away. The following fight could either have happened because Hyuna became withdrawn as a result of suddenly becoming aware of the effect she was having on Luka and what their feelings for each other were (since previously, she might not have been able to tell the difference between being all over her brother and all over Luka) /or/ the scenario played out like the forehead sucking. She didn't dislike it, but Luka became insistent or they got caught in a way that Hyuun Woo had no context for, thus assuming Luka was forcing her.
And there is a third option too that now I think about it, seems the /most/ likely: the growing proximity to Hyuna made Luka's feelings of "wanting ownership and exclusivity" even deeper because of love and lust, as simply being assured he is "loved" doesn't seem to be enough for Luka. It could be that Hyuna in fact disliked his attempt of kissing her and became more distant to him. Thus, he orchestrated for Hyuna to take his side once again for validation in a reckless way - but the results were "better than he thought" when it resulted in Hyuun Woo's death. Because, that is a price so heavy that it feels like "wow, you actually chose me".
This scene is super interesting, I love Luka's expression. It's joyful in a "perverse" way. He was successful in trapping his beloved Hyuna. And it seems that the emotion is so intense, like he is finally free from the mask of pitiful wounded animal with no agency over himself that the sheer ecstasy might have caused a seizure or heart attack, hence his eyes looking glassy afterwards and his fingers finally turning the blue/purple hue we see on his older design.
Skimming through the patreon posts, I was pleasantly surprised to realize my gut feeling about Ivan and Luka having a similar core wasn't wrong. Sua in comparison is the scenario of someone who doesn't go off to the deep end as the two of them. It's often stressed that the team was worried about establishing Luka and Ivan as distinguishable - their personalities are similar, but their masks are different. Ivan presents himself as the "big bro", while actually being a boy struggling with properly expressing emotions that went as far as practicing smiles and expresions at the lake. Whereas Luka is like a porcelain doll and passive - austere, even...but what about his real self?
We're cleverly prevented from seeing an introductory MV for Luka, as round 4 doesn't happen. And for the subsequent videos, Luka shows himself partially by not disclosing his POV, but showing important sides of himself - the urge to control and the attempts to "become whatever is desired of him". A blank slate.
In a sense, that's implying to me Ivan and Luka's stage presence is an expression of their "inner selves", where their feelings and thoughts become bare. Ivan does so by casting aside his big bro warmth and stepping in as the image of a serious-faced, strongly devoted man that is coming apart at the seams with the weight of his immaturity, sadness, love and obsession.
Luka's stage presence is a distant cry from his image of passiveness and class behind the scenes. On stage, he is a seasoned performer and a calculating prince that enjoys pulling the strings to reach the ideal performance as seen in his inner world. He cunningly displays a different expression between the audience and his partners to achieve the ideal results. Luka acts like both a director and an actor while performing, in order to construct his vision - He's bold, confident and invades people's personal spaces.
(What a condescending little shit. I love him. His expression seems to be saying something like..."Done already? Hmph. I expected more of you. You need to do something for me to do my part and shine, too."
A point I theorize about Ruler of My Heart - Hyuna says in the artbook, I think, that Mizi reminds her of herself. Luka would be able to pick up on that also, especially since Mizi had just been broken by the loss of the one she loved most and formerly had that spark of "hope and dreaming high" in her eyes. Luka may have chosen the song specifically to have Mizi recreate the "role of Hyuna" envisioned for it - as in, he never expected her to be obedient at all. He was riling her up to feel what Hyuna might have responded like to this song. But the Hyuna in his idealization is probably "blazing, absolute and strong" - instead of shutting down and giving up singing. Mizi lets herself get intimidated by his provocation into silence, but when she loses it to punch him in the face with no regard for the consequences - like Hyuna surely would do - is when he finally smirks. It's also a mockery of letting emotions take her over, securing his win and further reinforcing he is "in the right". )
Another interesting tidbit is that Luka's personality isn't of the ethereal "pitiful-but-nice" character, but rather something that "fits VIVINOS taste". He is also compared frequently to Ivan in personality/mindset, who is described as a "bad boy" with a possessive/manipulative streak. If the sides of Ivan we get to see that related to Till are fairly tame and the team worries so much about contrast, that seems to imply that Luka embraces the more extreme parts left out of Ivan.
Even more interesting than that is the core of Luka's character inspiration - "the little prince", which I assume most people have read before. It's a children's book about an adult meeting a little prince from space and basically sharing life lessons.
If we look a little beyond the "cute blond kid"/moon motif...the most striking aspect about the Little Prince is probably the idea of the rose and the fox. The immature prince is taught the concept of love and responsibility by a wild fox - that to tame someone is to make them unique, and it's the time spent nurturing that love that makes it precious. The prince had been frustrated by a Rose he thought he loved, but grew annoyed by because he could not understand her. He also was confused upon realizing there were many roses in the universe, but his was too selfish and flawed. So is she not as unique as he thought? He starts missing the rose, and learns that there IS a difference - none of the roses are "his" or sound like "his" - because if they have tamed each other, going forward, he isn't just any little boy to his rose anymore - he is "the" boy, and she is "the" rose, unique in the universe.
This feels extremely relevant to a character presented as a "product" of gene editing and, basically, being created in a lab. The implication to me is that there may be many other "Luka"-like humans - the vast array of congenital diseases he manifests such as heart disease, Raynaud syndrome, asthma and chronic migraine all make him sound like their universe's equivalent of a white pug dog with dubious origins to boot.
What makes that test tube baby, raised by a ruthless alien that doesn't care about him as more than a way to vicariously live a life of success and luxury, unique in that case?
Love.
And my take is that, the fox and rose to his little prince are the siblings Hyun Woo and Hyuna.
(I'm suddenly reminded of the Vanitas no Carte Louis-Domi-Noé trio. Why do those never end well?)
IMO the rift created between Hyuna's brother and Luka wasn't necessarily there from the start. Before getting more strongly attached or opening up to Hyuna, Luka looks extremely detached. Hyuna's brother looked like the picture of excitement and youth, so it feels like he could have reached out to the quiet boy first and Hyuna tagged along. The settings mention something along the lines of Hyuna not quite being the origin of the "dreamer" outlook, but being inspired by her brother, and I can picture it.
Hyuna's MV All in and her relationship with Mizi painted to me the picture of a girl that is naturally attractive - her drive and sunny disposition are simply dazzling. But, underneath, there seems to be "something" doesn't it? I think Hyuna's charm comes from a mix of strength and vulnerability. She seems like the type of person to cope with humor and being flirty in order to lift people's moods and surprise them, but Hyuna herself can have quite heavy and serious feelings. The somber look suits her, and it's overall impressive that she didn't completely break because of her brother. It's like her innate talent for performing draws people to her, but at the same time she can sustain an illusion of "closeness", her true worries and wounds are kept deep inside and she doesn't let others truly see into her.
So.
What's shown in Blink Gone to me is that Luka's not merely surviving a death game, he is enjoying the show and trying to feel alive. To someone like him that probably already feels dead inside all the time and was "abandoned" by Hyuna, there is nothing much to look forward to. We don't know what happened between Hyuun Woo's death and their first alien stage run (quite a lot, since Hyuna even lost a leg) ot the timing of their relationship fall out. Given their memories and image of eachother, it does seem to be implied they were already going separate ways right after the incident.
It's likely that what connects Luka to Hyuna's memory the most is the feeling of performing itself - the one time he gets to be free. Luka acts like he is superior to the other pet humans for having "figured out" the system and feeding into it, and looks down on them for having no control over their emotions. But does he really have total control over his own?
In spite of all the abuse he embraced as his own will or believing he could truly get any power by playing the game according to its rules and "overcoming fear", someone as unpredictable and impulsive as Till is the natural enemy of someone like Luka. He had the upper hand as long as it stayed within his plan, but Till suddenly going as far as going back to the green light indicator was worrisome. Luka's Stamina is actually rather crappy, so if Till did decide to go all out, he might have been cooked.
I think, to Luka, it's probably about more than keeping himself alive. And Till flipping the game then would have made him waste his life on a performance that was supposed to be easy -and- it must be annoying that Till strayed off-script. My hypothesis is that he wants to reach out to Hyuna, still - either by increasing the influence of humans to shift the world closer to the one she envisioned, or by putting his life in the line at the stage as many times as possible to feel the "weight" of her presence as if she still were by his side or to grow so famous that she cannot ignore or escape him.
Deliciously hypocritical of him to look down on others so much, when Hyuna's unannounced presence shook him so badly he turned his back to the stage and stared at her with an expression we'd never seen before.
My take is that her walking in like this is seriously the worst scenario to him. Luka expresses in the artbook that he pities Hyuna and that her safety would have been guaranteed with him, so - because of his influence - I think he might actually have gone to the Alien Stage again to secure his power status AND request to keep Hyuna out of it. A condescending sort of domestication we know she would hate, but would keep her safe.
But see. Even if she wasn't under his care, being out there causing a ruckus is one thing - she's alive and kicking, not really in the slaughterhouse. He can live with that. So, he sings to his heart's content. And...
His sneering that people are suuuch rookies at controlling their emotions...
Sooo weak to let their emotions and regrets dominate them and make them lose sight of the stage, compared to his Super Competent self that can overcome fear and control his own heart rate...
All came back to bite him in the ass, like an idiot.
All other characters were pitted against their worst case nightmare scenario, and I doubt the Prince will be an exception. I really don't think his type of obsessive is wanting to be superior to or beat Hyuna at performing either, even if it's his guardian's mindset (it seems Heperu feels inferior to Hyuna's guardian and adopted Luka simply as a means of beating him - so seems very possible he will push for having the two face off and prove Luka's "superiority").
No matter what he does now, it's either Hyuna against Mizi at the risk of death or Hyuna against him. Hyuna's a wanted criminal - there is absolutely no talking a way out of that one. Not only that, Hyuna's bleeding from her wound already. Luka facing against Hyuna as the second time champion would mean being forced to choose - keep rulling the stage, or chose the one who was his guiding light in the first place?
The imagery from the sweet dream opening (as well as Luka having covered that song) is "release" - Luka dying at Hyuna's hand even if it's not something she can truly do with pleasure, no matter how much she copes with her past wounds by hating him. I wonder if it's a red herring or if it will play out, I particularly want whatever will allow to explore their character, feelings and motivation the deepest.
I don't think Hyuna wandered onto the stage for his sake - it seems like it's for Mizi, who is completely frozen. Hyuna probably has up until now coped with hating Luka because he represented everything she was rebelling against - the "system" itself. A nasty cog in the engine of the aliens who, even if not directly, ultimately were the cause of the entire context that stripped her away of her freedom and lead to her precious brother's death.
However...
My guess to what's happening here isn't "wow your outfit is so slutty" or "you've grown". It's more like...Luka suddenly looks too human.
He wasn't supposed to.
...Phew. That's all for now. The ADHD gets strong when I'm talking about something that tickles my brain, so I hope that wasn't too messy/unintelligible to follow with the back and forth jumping timelines or repeating points of interest I did.
Well! I really, really wish there was more for me to keep going, but for now I'll live with overthinking with what we have. I might do separate analysis/speculation for the MVs if I have a deadline I'm procrastinating on come up the time.
Bottom line is, I think all those characters are very interesting, but Hyuluka are the ones I'm rotating like a rotisserie chicken in my mind. Plz hurt me more VIVINOS team and thanks for the good fucking food
#longpost#alnst#all ships mentioned in a way or another#but i'm a#hyuluka#truther#meta#nana rambles#alien stage#the sign i'm getting into something new i'm hyperfixating is writing the messiest review possible#alnst spoilers#spoilers#hyunluka#turns out I felt like unpacking a lot of thoughts first#luka black sorrow cover when#IVAN BLINK GONE WHEN#alnst luka#alnst hyuna
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Fic Finder
June 4th
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1. For the next Fic Finder, I read this long time ago and can't remember the title but it was a long fic (one shot) and I remember it was an AU (kinda futuristic from what I remember) where Wei Ying was a werewolf shifter and he was on the run when he got transported/summoned to another world by some mages Lan Zhan being among them when he first came to the new world. There's some magic academy mystery they needed his help with and in the end Wei Ying stays in the new world with Lan Zhan. I also remember towards the end, the reason Lan Zhan was involved and so intrigued by Wei Ying because his brother turned into a werewolf but with none of his humanity and he was trying to find a solution to save him. Wei Ying was helping with him when he went back with Lan Zhan to his home.
I would be so grateful if anyone knows this fic!! @cara-tanaka
FOUND? Ribbons and Heartsongs by jeyhawk (E, 36k, WangXian, Fantasy AU, Science Fiction AU, Dimension Travel, Case Fic, Loss of Virginity, Marriage Proposal, Pining, Sharing a Bed, Anal Sex, WWX is a werewolf, but it's not a typical werewolf au)
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2. Hi mojo! Just want to say ur blog is soooooo helpfull and i am on it everyday!!! I was looking for this fic where lwj and wwx get stuck in a coffin because there are some thiefs who break in to find something id remember and lwj gets dirty with wwx and *ahem*😏 f**gers (fingers) him and wwx starts screaming for help. That's all.Hope you can help me find it 🥺.Thank you, Bye Mojo 👋🏻
Found?🔒 Tomb raider by Aki_no_hikari (E, 6k, WangXian, Case Fic, Anal Fingering, Dry Humping, wangxian have sex in a coffin)
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3. Hello! I've read a couple years ago a WangXian fic in Modern AU, I believe it was.
I don't remember if it was pwp or not, but I wanna read it again! lwj might have been a university professor or TA, I don't remember. I know wwx came by earlier then his pears for the lecture / test, things happened and he got on to work. Blowjob lwj under the desk with the other students taking a test. Something like this.
Please help me find it! 😭😭
FOUND? but you brought me to my knees by orphan_account (E, 3k, WangXian, Modern, College/University, Shameless Smut, Oral Sex, Blow Jobs, Under-Desk Blow Jobs, Face-Fucking, Choking Spanking, (just once), Cock Slut, Crossdressing, Teacher-Student Relationship, PWP)
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4. hello! I went through all of my bookmarks to find a fic I suddenly thought of but unfortunately, I couldn't find it. I only remembered a scene where alpha!wwx gave something to omega!lwj (not really sure if it was a suppressant, but if I remember it right, it's something he could use to conceal his scent) jiang cheng was with wwx when he gave it to lwj. wwx also had a conversation with jyl about why a certain omega's scent bothers him (not bother in a bad way). I don't know if it was a getting together fic but yeah, wwx had some realizations. that's all I have. I would appreciate the help! thank youuu!
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5. Hey there, love the work you do, giving me reading material for years. This time I come before you because I failed to track my fics like an amateur.
So this fic was had age reversal among the twin jades and there was something about lwj bonding with nmj as big bros. Pretty sure wangxian was involved, not sure though.
Ik it's all over the place but let me know if you find it.
FOUND? Strong enough to carry him- he ain't heavy, he's my brother. by Starlitverses (Not Rated , 5k, LXC & LWJ, WangXian, LWJ & NMJ, LXC & NHS & NMJ, WIP, Twin Jades of Lan Dynamics, Brotherly Love, LXC Deserves Happiness, Protective LWJ, Age Swap, First jade LWJ, Second Jade LXC, Sect Leader LWJ, LWJ being the protective older brother, Canon Divergence, Everyone Lives,bFluff and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt LWJ, Hurt LXC , LXC & WWX Friendship, Protective Older Brothers, NMJ & LWJ bonding over their little brothers, WangXian learn actual communication, Meddling LXC, you thought older brother LXC was scary? LWJ is worse, Older LWJ, Older WWX, everyone loves and wants to protect LXC, LXC-centric, LWJ will destroy anyone that hurts his brother) haven't read it but the tags sound like what you were looking for!
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6. Fic Finder ask: Idr anything else, but I vividly remember this one paragraph where WWX and LWJ were in a relationship(I think it was young love but it might not have been, I just remember picturing them very young and wwx in his og body) and WWX was working hard on something(I think it was talisman related but that’s also a variable)and to take a break from it he’d turn to LWJ and jump him req-ing “rape” which was just shorthand for woo hoo with cannon kinks.(which was explained in the text)
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7. Hi!! I've looked for this fic on ao3 and my bookmarks list but I was unable to find it, maybe I've been filtering with wrong tags or keywords.
But from what I remember, it was an au where if you love someone enough, the first time you touch them you leave a colored mark on them. Wwx has left his signature red on most people, but has never had any marks left on him, not even from jyl. So he always covers himself up and wears gloves, accepting he'd never be loved, until of course Lwj leaves a blue hand print on him. It isn't a soulmate au though, I don't exactly remember if it was canon settings or modern settings.
Hope you can find it easily and many thanks for your hardwork :> @songtaegguk
That sounds like one of these -
FOUND? leading tone by silencemostofall (G, 32k, WangXian, Modern AU, Soulmates, with a lil twist, Eventual Happy Ending, Music, Orchestra, [Podfic] Leading Tone by silencemostofall by Beria1021)
FOUND? pastel by antebunny (G, 6k, WangXian, Modern AU, College/University, Soulmates, Heavy Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Found Family, Self-Esteem Issues, Misunderstandings, Angst with a Happy Ending, Unrequited Love, but not actually, no courtesy names)
FOUND? Mark me with your devotion by orphan_account (M, 18k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Soulmates, soulmate AU with a twist, The twist is not a curse though, I'm sorry but everyone is kind of toxic in this, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, A-Yuan is adorable, First Time, Canon-typical Sex, Cultivation Partners, Fluffy wangxian, Nothing else is all that fluffy, Night-hunting together, Their studies are different that's why they keep going on missions and not staying in Gusu much)
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8. Hi! There is a fic that i want to read again. The problem is, not only i don't remember much of the story, i don't know if this fic is from this fandom or detective conan. But i'm sure it's from this fandom. It's modern au where there are serial killer on the loose. WWX investigate it. He has an ability to see the corpse's past (i think he has an ability? Not sure about this part). But even with his ability, he can't solve it. There are connection between the victim. Their connection is the next victim is the one that found the previous victim (again i'm not sure if it only the one that found the body or other witnesses too). The state of their body is brutal. There are some evidence of torture. WWX investigate this until he become the target because he found the newest victim. I think he was kidnapped and when he wake up he is in a room. I don't know how to explain it but he tried to escape like the previous victims but the room or more like the place he was in is full of trap. If you ever watch danganronpa v3 side despair, the place is similar to when Nanami Chiaki died. Thats all i can remember. I trully hope its not my imagination. Thank you! @idontknowwhattowriteforusername
unfortunately is not it! If i remember correctly, they all work in police force and WWX work as forensic i think?
Hi! Im from fic finder June 4th #8. I found the fic. Its Slaughter House by Duochanfan. The detail i gave was a bit off. WWX is not the victim (a shame really...) And there was no connection between the victim
NOT FOUND! I don’t know if this is it but th me description vaguely reminds me of Post Mortem by Cataclysmic_Calamity (E, 178k, WangXian, Psychological Horror, Modern, friends with benefits, they're both fucked up but they love each other so much, Slow Burn Mystery, Unnegotiated Kink, Dom/sub, Anal Sex, Consensual Non-Consent, Stalking, Drug Addiction, Serial Killers, in WWX's desire to critique the 'final girl' trope he accidentally becomes one, Angst with a Happy Ending, meta commentary on the horror and true crime genres) If nothing else it’s a good read!
FOUND! Slaughter House by Duochanfan (M, 24k, WangXian , NieLan, ChengSang, Angst, Drama, Crime Scenes, Crime Drama, Psychometric! WWX, Coroner WWX, detective LWJ, Detective JC, slight romance, Amnesia, Past Kidnapping, Murder Mystery, Reference to Autopsies, dead bodies, Single Parent!WWX, Modern AU)
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9. Hi, fic finder request pls: I've been searching for this one specific wangxian fic i read an year or so ago on ao3. AU: mordern world, a/b/o, heavy angsty plot with a happy ending, i cant recall the tags n no matter how much i browse it's like the fic never existed but i kind of remember the plot: ""wei ying got $Aed (sexually assaulted) by a stalker n lan zhan blaimed him for cheating?(i don't exactly remeber) so WY disappeared later found out that he was prego ..gave birth to his baby all alone (i remember crying 10 times) later our alphaLZ regrets everything and finds him and tries to help him anyway possible and to have a fresh start :') but one day wei ying goes into heat n the stalker finds him but lz comes through and saves wei ying and they bond and become mate... happy ever after"" I've been dying to read it again :") I'd really appreciate if you're able to find it.
Thank you!!!
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10. Hello!!! This is my first time asking, you guys truly do god’s work!!!!
I’m looking for a fic where jiang yanli was reincarnated as wei wuxian’s child? I think it might have been the second part to a series and it may have involved a time traveling wei wuxian, though i’m not completly sure. I think in the summary it refers to Jiang Cheng as a neibhour who’s also reincarnated.
Thanks so much in advance!!! @avocadokichi
FOUND? sounds like the third part of 结局难更改 (the ending is hard to change) Series by PorcupineGirl (G, 50k, WangXian, Modern with Magic AU, Canon Divergence, Time travel, Reincarnated LWJ & LXC, YL WWX, Reincarnation, Secret Identity, Identity reveal)
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11. So there's this timetravel fic where teen wangxian meets older wangxian and teenLWJ is upset futureLZ's husband is not WWX.
Teenji dont realise HGJ's husband is wy in mxy's body and is quite rude to both hgj & his husband for betraying his pure love.
Does this ring any bell? @imstillthinkingaboutithmm
Hanguangjun's husband is not the fic i was looking for.
There's only four characters in the fic, teenwylz and olderwylz. They meet in the jingshi and teenwylz are the ones who timetravelled
NOT FOUND! Hanguang-jun's Husband by lilacevergarden (alittlemorecreative) (T, 6k, WangXian, Time Travel, Jealous WWX)
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12. Hi, I'm hoping you can help me find this fic. It takes place during the Cloud Recess study arc. I remember the Jiang's arrive at Cloud Recess to discuss Wei Wuxian marrying Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian was confused as to why they thought he was in love with Lan Wangji, until Jiang Yanli and Madam Yu reminded him that he sent letters with bunnies with red and white ribbons in the margins kissing. The story had a happy ending. I'd appreciate any and all help in finding this story. @amalthia
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13. For fic finder please! I am looking for a fic where Wei Wuxian was blind or maybe just color blind. This is revealed in the Burial Mounds Settlement days when a-Yuan is learning colors and Wei Wuxian teaches him the wrong color for a radish (because he can’t see/doesn’t know colors either). Wen Qing was surprised to learn that Wei Wuxian had been blind the whole time she knew him..
FOUND? close your eyes, feel my heartbeat by ThatDesiGirl (T, 11k, WangXian, blind WWX, Angst with a Happy Ending, Rewriting Canon, not a fix-it but a what-if, Canon-Typical Violence, Golden Core Transfer, Romance, Pining)
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14. I once read a fic about the four children showing the future to the past using an array or a talisman.
I want to know its name.
FOUND? Teen Project to Change the World by animeloverhomura (Not Rated, WIP, 841k, WangXian, JYL/JZX, Watching the Show, With a bit of the Manhua and Book thrown in, BAMF WWX, Fix-It, JGS is his own warning, Attractive WWX, Homophobia, disturbing imagery)
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15. Hi there! I'm starting to pull my hair out in fear it has been deleted from ao3 but shooting my shot. Looking for a very specific amnesia LWJ fic (I cannot recall if it was one shot or multi, but it was either a long one shot or at least a few chps long?) where I think LWJ got cursed, and no one specifically tells him who WWX is - he gets jealous of himself cause it was at least revealed that WWX is married to someone in the clan? Sorry if this is not quiet enough info.
FOUND? It's not an exact match (LWJ eventually overhears that WWX is married, but no clan affiliation is mentioned) but I think #15 could be Unavoidable by diamondbruise (T, 18k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Amnesia, Jealousy, LWJ just is like that idk what to tell you, Misunderstandings, Falling In Love, Again, Happy Ending, it's that thing where they're married but lwj can't remember wwx and they meet again)
FOUND? #15 an effect (without a cause) by astrobandit deleted from ao3 afaik, i have a copy
FOUND? tonight i can write the saddest lines by sarahyyy (G, 3k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Established Relationship, Amnesia, Falling In Love, Domestic Fluff) i haven't read this in a while, but "tonight i can write the saddest lines"might be similar?
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16. Hey
I am looking for a fic. In the fic there is a book that explains lwj and juniors find it and use it interpret his expression. @mayavsworld
FOUND? Important Distinctions by nagi_blue (T, 5k, gen, Fluff and Crack, [Podfic] Important Distinctions by semperfiona_podfic (semperfiona) )
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17. Hello again, thank you for finding the book for me lastime. So this book is a time travel fix it where wei Ying and peacock go back into the past and run away together to try and find a way to stop the war but they don't know that their clans are watching them, poor lan wangji is so jealous that he wants to kill the peacock. I hope you can find it please! @blackrabbitusako24
FOUND? Wei Wuxian and Jin Zixuan are oblivious Besties ♥ series by Akak_ShadMe (G, 16k, JZX & WWX, JYL/JZX, WangXian, JC & NHS, NHS & WWX, JC/NHS, JC & JZX, LWJ & WN, JZX & WWX Friendship, Time Travel Fix-It, Platonic Relationships, Protective JZX, Confused JC, JZX Lives, Oblivious WWX, Awkward JZX, Angst and Humor, Platonic Cuddling, Fluff, Hurt WWX, Hurt/Comfort, Mental Breakdown, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Feels, Protective JYL, JZX Has Friends, Cuddling & Snuggling, Crack, Good Sibling JC, Crossdressing, JC is So Done, Cinnamon Roll WN, JZN Being an Asshole) i was curious about this so i looked in ao3 and this is what i found closest to the description
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18. Hello,
I'm looking for a wangxian fic, post canon,
where wei ying I'd traveling but can't fall asleep because he has nightmares. So he doesn't sleep at all until the juniors find him. He almost gets hurt and the juniors take him to lan zhan. Lan zhan helps wei ying to sleep.
I think it was only one chapter.
Thanks in advance @smarti1997
FOUND? hunters seeking solid ground by Attila (E, 23k, wangxian, Canon Compliant, discussion of canon character death, Hurt/Comfort, Nightmares, bed sharing, Getting Together, Yearning, Literal Sleeping Together, Really Excessive Amounts of Hurt/Comfort)
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19. Hi! looking for a fic with this description. it may have been deleted. I am not sure who is the creator. I do have an old link to it: lan wangji tries to be a hall monitor but this is not his house, now he's in detention too.
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20. searching for a fic...reincarnated wwx and immortal lwj?
fic search: WWX was reincarnated and LWJ was immortal. Set in modern times. LWJ had a lot of little bits where he hadn't fully caught up with technology. I believe he had adopted LSZ as well? And may have been a music teacher?
I also believe both LWJ and LXC were immortal.
In WWX's modern backstory, he was on the outs with the Jiangs after he had accidentally injured JYL on her wedding day and she bad been in the hospital ever since, so Jin Ling was being raised by Jiang Cheng.
Wen Ning may also have been working at a coffee shop and may have been dating Mo XaunYu
I read it several years ago, possibly around 2021, so it is not at all a recent fic. @kaijuerotica
FOUND? #20 is monotone. I don't remember the author's pen name, but they took it off of AO3 and uploaded it to Google docs
There's a link in this thread
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21. Hiiiii I am looking for a fic i read awhile back. Its a/b/o. I remember it was omega lwj and Alpha wwx. I just remember one scene from, where after they are mated they visit jzx and jyl. Jzx meets lwj privately to give him back his mothers hair pin. Apparently they were previously engaged but i think the lans fell from power so the jins canceled the engagement. Thaaank you 💕
FOUND? all the roads by silverclaw (E, 30k, WangXian, A/B/O, Alpha WWX, Omega LWJ, Enemies to Lovers, Jealous WWX, Protective WWX, Angst, Happy Ending, The first chapter can be read as a complete story, the following tags are for the second chapter, Top WWX, Bottom LWJ, Belly Bulge, Mentions of mpreg but no actual mpreg, Pregnancy Kink)
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"Like A Virgin"
Steven Grant x Fem!Reader/Jake Lockley x Fem!Reader/Marc Spector x Fem!Reader
Read Part 1 HERE
Read Part 2 HERE
Read Part 3 HERE
NOTES: I literally put my whole heart and pussy into the previous part and it's just so THRILLING to see all the immense love and support!! 🥺❤️❤️❤️
I'm reeeally hoping y'all will like this part, too! Steven has an extremely special place in my heart, but this time we're shifting focus and giving our lovably murderous Moon Boy JAKE his time to shine!! \(^o^)/
Now as we all know, Jake unfortunately hasn't had a lot of screen time yet. I also watched Moon Knight for the third time and besides his confirmed appearance in the post-credits, there are some other more subtle scenes that I'm PRETTY sure Jake was in and it was a lot of fun for me to think so and obsess over!
But I digress! Anywhore, as I was saying, since Jake hasn't been on a lot the way I write him is PURELY made up. Of course, I try my best to capture the vibes I personally get from him, but until Season 2 drops (because I am NOT giving up on that) we don't know for certain what his personality's actually like (and I haven't read the comics please don't shoot me). It was a little challenging, but I really enjoyed getting to explore Jake and his perspective quite a bit! Though he ended up being a bit sadder than I intended CUZ THIS BOI JUST NEEDS AND DESERVES A WHOLE LOTTA LOVIN'❣️
Furthermore, I am not a Spanish speaker. Jake obviously is and I wanna stay as true as possible to the character by having him speak some (*cough* S E X Y *cough*) Spanish throughout, but if I made any mistakes at all then please kindly correct me as I mainly just use Google Translate and/or search up Spanish terms! For example, I was made aware that "ese" means "that" in Spanish. However, it's also Spanish slang for "dude", "man", etc. and I just find it fitting for Jake to call the boys that 😅
Also, Jake is...rough 😳 Don't worry, he loves and cares about you a LOT, but this is a fair WARNING in case you're not into that! And this part got pretty long, IDK I probs blacked out somewhere in the middle and this is le horny result~
Additionally, do y'all think the relationship between reader x Steven/the boys is going too fast? I really try to make it as natural as possible, but hey this is only fiction after all and I think Steven, for one, falls in love FAST since in the show he was already simping for Layla the first time they met 😂 But I can't judge Steven cuz I'd be the same if I ever met Oscar Isaac I mean, I'm already simping now but YOU GET IT
And a lil funny coincidoink, Like A Virgin came on the radio which I guess was your guys' universal push for me to continue this ASAP!
I truly am sorry for the wait!! Life is hard but I simp harder xD
TAGS: @autismsupermusicalassassin @ungracefularchimedes @pimosworld @ababynova @sweatyroadcowboyjudge @anapnovo-blog @am-3-thyst @harrys-tittie @zukoisbabee @wiltedwonderland @the-ginger-draws @bitchyglitterfox @readingfan @spidey-3 @minigirl87 @wandasupremacy @simba-will-live-on @wavychelle @thepowerthismanhasoverme @blackholegladiator @kittytiddywinks @literalfkinsimp @valen-yamyam16 @shaunalouie @howellatme @aleat0ri0 @bean-is-reading @indigxjunipxr
Part 4: Gonna give you all my love, boy
Your chest rose and fell with each soft, blissful snore. Your face void of any burden, open and peaceful; plump lips parted slightly, looking so kissable. And that's exactly what Steven did, lonely lips descending to meet yours--his slumbering goddess.
An insatiable part of him longed for you to awaken, to spend more time fumbling around in the sheets until sunrise. But he knew, more than anyone else, that sleep was important. And he had no doubt that after all the...unique events that progressed your relationship, you deserved all the rest you can get.
Like the proper gentleman he was, he had cleaned you up before snuggling in bed together until dreams inevitably consumed you. And now here you were, using one of his arms that he can't feel anymore as your pillow and your bodies exchanging heat.
Then his mouth lowered, down your chin, to your throat, and to the delicate dip between your neck and shoulder. Planting butterfly kisses on your skin, lips tracing and eyes memorizing every perfect imperfection that dotted your body like constellations.
He noticed your breathing slowly growing uneven, your nipples salaciously peaking through your tank top. He knew he had to stop. He had to, but...
He lifted his free hand, inching towards your breasts before freezing, clenching into a tight fist that had his nails digging into his palm.
His cheeks bloomed red, pulling away and laying on his back as he stared up blankly at the ceiling. What the fuck was he doing?
"Jake, mate... I know you're there, might as well say something, yeah?" Steven whispered.
'Your senses are improving, ese.' Jake snickered. 'Is that why you stopped? No need to be shy, it's just the same as watching porn.'
Steven turned redder, clearing his throat. "Jake, you know you can meet Y/N too, right?"
Silence greeted him. Steven waited patiently, giving his alter all the time he needed. As rough around the edges as they may be, the boys all cared about each other and Steven knew that all Jake needed--deserved--was time. Hell, he and Marc didn't even know Jake existed for a while until he finally felt comfortable enough to reveal himself.
'Nah, ese.' Jake snorted, though his voice held a certain heaviness to it. 'She's all yours. You deserve her, Steven.'
"You're a part of me, Jake. You deserve her, too."
'Don't think your little cariño would appreciate it so much that you're wanting to hand her off to some other asshole.' Jake scoffed.
"I'm not 'handing her off', you git. I wanna...share." Steven mumbled the latter, gulping thickly.
'Steven...' Jake sighed, but Steven sensed intrigue in his tone. 'I don't know what the fuck you expect from this talk, ese. We only share the same body, that's it.'
"You're lying and you know it. Two months working with Y/N, I never said anything, but I knew you were always there. This damn body isn't the only thing we share, 'cause I know your feelings are just the same as mine."
It was then that you mewled softly, shifting and wrapping an arm around Steven's waist and cuddling close to his side with a content little smile on your lips as you slept.
Steven melted and he felt Jake do so, too.
"I'm not giving you an out, mate." Steven chuckled, pressing a tender kiss to the top of your head. "I'm absolutely buggered and so are you."
♡•••🌙•••♡
Steven, that absolute fucking puta.
As soon as Jake opened his eyes, dread filled him. Slowly turning his head and seeing your back to him, he knew Steven gave up control at some point and forced Jake to come out from the shadows.
He's tried multiple times to drag that pendejo back out, but Steven has obviously put up a block between them. Jake sighed frustratedly, his gaze lingering on you once more.
His heart ached. And fuck it hurts.
He wasn't Steven.
He did not deserve you.
He was dirty--rotten. He was only good for causing pain; even the ways in which he protected the boys were brutal, inhumane.
And he loved the chaos. Thrived in it.
When Steven met you for the first time, two months ago, that was what Jake intended to cause as well. Pain. Heartbreak.
Nothing more than another pretty notch to add to his belt.
But you...surprised him. You actually cared about Steven, gave him basic human respect and the time of day when no one else did and just fucking listened. Accepted him with open arms and such a kind, blinding smile. And pretty soon, Jake yearned for that, too. From you. Just you.
You didn't even know he existed--you didn't fucking care about him--and yet you smashed his glass heart into a thousand pieces, leaving him to find the sharpest shard and continuously stab himself as punishment.
That's what he deserved. Not you.
But oh... You looked so cold. Why were you so far away? What the hell were you thinking, pulling away from him?
Like a lion stalking its prey, Jake crawled towards you until he was on top of you. His dark eyes trailed down your sleeping form, so beautiful, so vulnerable. He didn't realize his hand was shaking slightly as it reached up to caress your face, breath hitching as his thumb glided across your bottom lip before slowly slipping it inside your mouth.
He watched, completely entranced, as your saliva coated his thumb and the way in which you squirmed so that you were now laying on your back, facing him. You were still asleep, though your brows creased together and your breathing grew shallow.
What were you dreaming about, Jake wondered? Were you dreaming about last night? Steven didn't feel him then, but Jake was there and it was the best torture he's ever endured.
He can make you feel good--better. And if there was any room in your heart (and legs) for him, he'd more than happily prove it to you.
But you were so kind, so sweet... Surely you'd accept him, too, right?
Surely you'd relieve him of his huge fucking hard-on, right?
He found himself lowering, lowering, lowering--then stopped just as his lips were about to meet yours.
No...
You didn't deserve this. You didn't deserve him.
As if he was just burnt, he sprang away from you and sat at the foot of the bed, keeping as much distance as possible. His head hung low, hands scrubbing his face in frustration before turning into self-loathing slaps.
He quickly got a hold of himself, lest you have a cruel awakening to him. Not Steven.
He looked over his shoulder. You really did look cold. He unchained the ankle restraint then stood up, walking over to your side and tucking the blanket over your unfairly scantily clad body.
God... How he wished he was the one keeping you warm.
He then shook his head, glancing towards the wall clock. 5:40 a.m.
He can sneak out and do some business for Khonshu. And by the time he returns, hopefully Steven does, too.
He has to.
♡•••🌙•••♡
You rolled over in bed, expecting to cuddle up next to something much more solid than a pillow. Your brows furrowed, a hand flying out to pat the bed and not finding what--who--it was seeking.
Your eyes snapped open and you bolted upright. You looked around in a frenzy, eyes still bleary with sleep and finding the apartment completely empty.
You then noticed the time on the wall clock. 7:20 a.m.
You were off work today, but you weren't sure if Steven had a shift. But even if he did, it was still too early for the museum to open.
So...
Where the hell was Steven?
He couldn't have ditched you...could he? No, that wasn't possible, this was his flat.
But wait... What if this was his subtle way of telling you to get lost? That he didn't want to see you still here when he comes back from wherever the fuck he went to?
You overstayed your welcome, didn't you? This was what it was about, isn't it? This was all your fault, right?
You were on the verge of hyperventilating when, at the corner of your eye, you spotted a bright yellow sticky note on top of the books on the bedside table. You quickly ripped it off, reading the messy, rushed handwriting.
Don't know when I'll be back. Just relax. Food for you is in the kitchen, amor.
You blinked away tears you didn't realize were forming once, twice, then bursted into laughter.
"Fuck, seriously, what is wrong with me?" You berated yourself, still laughing.
This was Steven. Of course he would never abandon you, and you would never abandon him.
He proved it to you, after all. The memories of last night terrorizing your brain once more, making you blush like a virgin (which you were--for now).
You wanted to prove yourself to him, too. And you're sure you'll think of something, but at the moment you became distracted as your eyes landed on Steven's black sweatshirt sprawled carelessly across the floor.
You put on your glasses then hopped off of the bed and picked up the sweatshirt, tugging it on and letting out a giggle as it drooped over your thighs, turning the sleeves into little hand mittens and your body and heart just feeling so warm.
You ambled over to the kitchen, seeing a plate of slightly burnt toast and scrambled eggs clumsily covered in plastic wrap on the small dining table. You chuckled softly, taking the plastic off before sitting down and having breakfast.
As you chewed, once again your brain couldn't help but wander off.
It was only a little thing. Such a stupid thing, really. But still, it just would not stop nagging you.
Amor. It was French for 'love'.
But... Steven didn't spell it with a U. It was supposed to be amour.
Amor, no U, was the Spanish spelling. And Steven, who seemed fluent in French, should know that.
But people make mistakes, and who were you to judge such a minuscule, silly mistake?
Before you could entertain yourself by ruminating over such nonsense some more, your ears perked up when you heard the lock click and the door opening and shutting close. You kept quiet, watching as Steven slowly trudged in.
He was wearing a flat cap and a trench coat, and from your spot in the kitchen he hasn't noticed you yet. But he looked...different.
You couldn't quite explain it, but he seemed...tense. On edge. An air of agitation surrounding him, stiff in his movements yet carrying a sense of confidence at the same time.
Wild.
You then swallowed, standing up from your chair and silently making your way over to Steven with his back turned to you as he busied himself with stripping off his coat and hanging it on the coat rack.
You wrapped your arms around his waist, feeling him jolt. But before he could react, you spoke up.
"I missed you..." You murmured, embracing him more tightly as you pressed your cheek to his back. "Don't do that again, please. At least wake me up if you're leaving."
Steven didn't say anything, completely rigid and gloved hands balled into tight fists.
Then it clicked.
"You're not Steven...are you?"
His shoulders jerked, and you pulled your face away to look up at him. But you never removed your arms, keeping them in place around his waist.
Then his shoulders drooped, hearing him take a sharp intake of breath before ever so slowly turning his head over his shoulder.
"Caught red-handed." His lips curled up into a smirk, dark eyes gleaming down at you. "You're much more observant than I thought, princesa."
Your breath hitched, mouth agape and eyes blown wide as you gawked at him. You didn't know what to feel. Well, there was definitely excitement, but you weren't sure if it was appropriate for you to feel such a way.
Regardless, you were glad Steven was open and honest with you from the get-go. You knew, at some point, it was inevitable that you'd meet the two other men he's mentioned. So, you weren't too taken aback to be experiencing this right now.
"Judging from your accent and what you called me just now... You must be Jake?" You queried, cocking your head to the side as you stared up at him. Funny, he shared the exact same body as Steven, but he was still...different. The way he held himself, the little quirk to his lips, the look in his eyes--it was all very distinct.
"Don't see why you gotta keep asking me questions, princesa. Seems like ya got it all figured out." Jake scoffed, amusement in his tone.
"Well... You certainly made an...impression when you asked me out." You spoke slowly, carefully, as if not daring to spook some wild animal. You wanted Jake to feel safe, welcomed; because it felt like Jake hasn't at all expected to be here right now, but you wanted to let him know that you didn't mind him. You were happy to be meeting him.
But Jake took it the wrong way. He read your body language as aloof, like you were just trying to be polite. And why wouldn't you be? You were naturally kind, but he knew better.
He was absolutely not supposed to be here. He was never supposed to meet you, never planned to. After all, you preferred Steven.
...Didn't you?
His jaw ticked, his hands untangling your arms around his waist before he spun on his heel to fully face you. You gasped as he did, paling at the sight of blood on his shirt.
"What happened?!" You panicked, your hands immediately touching his body, eyes frantically searching for any injuries. "Did someone hurt you?! Oh my god, who did this to you?!"
"It's not my blood."
You froze, a chill coursing through your veins. Slowly, your head tilted up, meeting his gaze. It was much darker than before, flecks of savagery brewing within. And yet, you also saw...loneliness.
Longing.
"Are you scared, Y/N?"
You held your breath, his voice cracking as he uttered your name for the first time. It was a simple question that had a painfully simple answer.
"I am."
Jake shut his eyes, inhaling deeply and letting it out in a wavering breath.
He fucking knew it.
"Jake..." His eyes snapped open at your voice, so soft, so unexpectedly calm. "Will you...hurt me?"
"I would never." He whispered--promised--holding your gaze sincerely. "I couldn't."
"I'm scared of the...things you can do, Jake." You admitted, noticing his Adam's apple bob as he gulped. His gaze fell to the floor, but you reached up, gently cupping the side of his face. "But...I'm not scared of you."
Jake met your eyes once more, his hardened expression softening as he sighed, nuzzling into your comforting hand. For the first time in a long time, he felt...safe. He was not one of Khonshu's pawns, he was not Steven or Marc's ruthless protector, he was simply...
Jake Lockley.
"I'm sorry..." He murmured, trembling hand reaching out and caressing your cheek; tenderly, fondly, lovingly. "I...was never supposed to meet you. I was fine watching you quietly. But last night, Steven said he wanted us to meet. For me to be a...part of what you have with him."
A deafening silence rang in your ears. Jake watched you with those intense, soulful eyes, brows furrowed and jaw clenched as he waited with bated breath for your reaction. Any reaction.
"Jake..." You have no idea how you even managed to speak, your volatile heartbeat replacing the silence. "Take a shower first, we'll talk after."
♡•••🌙•••♡
Water dripped from Jake's hair, his hands pressed against the wall with his head tilted down as he watched the pristine white tiles of the shower's floor stain red.
This was an all too familiar situation for him. Washing off blood that didn't belong to him, his body getting cleaned though never his damned soul. But it never bothered him before...until now.
He knew there was a chance you'd be awake when he returned, but he figured that he can just pretend to be Steven at least until that idiot takes control of the body again. Jake's done it convincingly enough a few times before back when Steven and Marc were still unaware of his existence, acting as one of them whenever something triggered them and he suddenly had to front.
But when you hugged him, he just...froze. It felt as if he was struck by lightning because this was real--you were real. Your heart-wrenching kindness and beauty were all directed towards him, and he was no longer just a pathetic fly on the wall through Steven's eyes.
But how could he be so fucking dumb? He never should've shown himself, he should've stayed away from the apartment even if it took all day and just let Steven deal with the consequences. And yet...he came back.
Because, the absolute truth is, he wanted to meet you. At his very core, he was a selfish bastard who wanted to be with you, no matter the punishment inflicted on him--he inflicts on himself.
But was he really being selfish?
As drastically different as they were, Steven and Marc managed to control their own separate lives. Steven had his job that he despised, but also the comfort of regularly getting a paycheck that provided for his daily needs. Marc was Khonshu's (main) Avatar and as draining as it was, he could still unwind after a long day with a pack of beer and a Chicago Cubs game playing on TV.
And then, of course, there were Moon Knight and Mr. Knight that ultimately tied them together.
But what about Jake? Was he nothing more than a punching bag for Marc and Steven, only seizing command and handling whatever shitshow they got themselves into that they were too weak to finish?
Jake knew that was his job--his purpose. And honestly, it was okay. He cared about the boys, and keeping them safe meant the same for him as well.
...Until you came along. And for the first fucking time, he actually wanted something. Yearned for someone. Just for himself, and not because of anyone else's expectations or demands of him.
He didn't realize it until you came crashing into Steven's--and his--life like some fucking meteorite, but he was empty. And on the extremely rare occasions that Jake was entitled to the body all for himself, he grew tired of being tired from aimlessly hopping bar to bar. Nearly wiping all his fucking memories out with heavy drinks and the need--the desperation--to forget about the problems he deliberately ignores, hides, even for one single measly night through fucking some random stranger he didn't and won't ever care about.
But you weren't a stranger, that was perfectly clear. Days bled into weeks, and weeks into months; and here you were now, looking all cute--tempting--wearing Steven's sweatshirt, eating breakfast in his home, as his girlfriend.
Steven's girlfriend. Not Jake's girlfriend.
"Jake, you know you can meet Y/N too, right?"
Steven's words from last night echoed in Jake's head, taunting him. And the ridiculous proposition that followed afterwards, of the two of them sharing you.
"You're a part of me, Jake. You deserve her, too."
And maybe, just maybe...Steven's right.
Maybe Jake did deserve you.
But did you deserve him?
"What's got you looking all emo?" Jake's head abruptly whipped around, seeing you with one hand holding the shower curtain open while the other clutched onto a towel covering your body.
Your naked body.
Jake's mouth went dry, completely paralyzed. All he could do was let his eyes scan you from head to toe, undressing you in his mind. He's already seen you last night and he thought he'd be fine just basking you in from Steven's point of view, but oh...he thought dead wrong.
Because now he really wanted to touch you. Feel you. Make you come undone, all because of him. All for him.
"What the hell are you doing here?" His question came out sharper than he intended it to, eyes narrowing as he watched your gaze drop, shifting on your feet uncertainly along with the tantalizing way you bit your lip.
You seemed to be engaging in a silent war with yourself before you shook your head, straightening up as you dared to meet his eyes and slowly dropped the towel to the floor.
"I told Steven this before, but I prefer to get things over with." You smiled a bit sheepishly, stepping into the shower; the warm drizzle of water helped to thaw the ice cold sensation anxiety gripped you with. "I'm a very impatient woman, Mr. Lockley."
"And you think jumping into the shower completely naked with a man you barely know is the answer to your impatience, señorita?" Jake arched a brow, an amused smirk playing on his lips.
"Well, it's not like I can get into the shower with clothes on, right? That's just fucking stupid." You scoffed, playfully rolling your eyes. "Besides... It's because I want to get to know you that I'm here."
"This is a dangerous game you're playing, princesa." Jake murmured, his smirk instantly vanishing; that furrowed brows, clenched jaw sternness once more overtaking his striking features as he regarded you. "I'm not your sweet, sensitive little boyfriend. I'm not Steven." He practically hissed out the name, though there was more sadness to it than venom.
"This isn't a game to me, Jake." You stated firmly, standing your ground as you held your chin high and levelled your gaze with his. "None of this is. I take Steven very seriously--I take our relationship very seriously." You paused, taking a deep, shaky breath. "And I know, maybe I'm moving too fast, and I totally understand your doubts about this--about me. But I'm not a fucking dumbass. I know you're not Steven and I like you, anyway."
Jake was rarely speechless, but even as his mouth parted to say something--anything--nothing came out. He felt something fall down his cheek, and he wasn't too sure if it was water or the strange liquid that suddenly made his vision all blurry.
But he didn't have much time to ponder on it when your hand gently pressed against his cheek, your eyes kind and full of adoration, the same adoration you always bless Steven with and something Jake believed was only a far-off miracle for him.
"Y/N..." He choked out, glossy dark eyes intently set on you. "I'm a monster."
"You're not a monster, Jake." You were quick to counter, taking a step closer, now being chest to chest with Jake. "You're a part of Steven, and anything--anyone--that's a part of him is beautiful. And you sure as hell deserve to live your own life, too. And, well, if you'll have me..." You blushed, looking down. "...I would really, really like to get to know you better, Jake Lockley."
Silence smothered you, wrapping its invisible claws around your neck, and you now fully understood what people meant when they say something takes forever. You thought it would be easier and much less frightening if the ground actually opened up and swallowed you whole, but Jake finally put you out of your misery, his hand turning off the shower and a low chuckle bubbling out of him.
"Well... Damn." He smirked, cocking his head down at you, though his smug demeanour couldn't mask the rosiness that dusted his cheeks. "You really do like me and Steven, huh, querida? Or maybe it's just your boobs up against me that's convincing me."
"Well, if it's helping you to believe me, then I'm not complaining." You giggled, wrapping your arms around his neck, pushing your breasts against him. Both of your breaths stuttered at the close, intimate contact, and you whimpered as his hands landed on your hips, callused fingers squeezing your soft flesh.
"Dios mío..." He growled lowly, his hands slowly, reverently travelling up the curves of your body, leaving a burning wake, before dipping once more and giving your ass a hard smack.
"Ah..!" You gasped, lurching forward, your face bumping against his solid chest. You felt his chest vibrate as a deep laugh rumbled out of him, one hand fisting your hair and pulling your head back.
"I ain't lying when I said I'm not your sweet, sensitive boyfriend." There was mania in his eyes, baring shiny white teeth as he grinned widely at you; like a shark who's smelled blood--your blood--from a mile away, he's set his target and can't be satisfied by anything, anyone else. "Then again, if you could see Steven's thoughts like I can, 'sweet and sensitive' aren't completely accurate for him."
You gulped, but not from fear. You squeezed your thighs together, pupils dilating as you stared up at Jake. "I-I don't mind if you or Steven aren't sweet and sensitive. I wanna be treated nice, but there are plenty of ways 'nice' can be translated to..." You placed a hand on his abs, lips parting as you traced along his taut muscles, looking like some fucking Greek sculpture--a god--with the way his wet body shimmered a divine bronze. "Don't you think so...Papi?"
With no warning, you felt the air get knocked out of you as his lips collided with yours, attacking you; tongues intertwining with a clash of teeth, the moist smack of your lips harmonizing with the vulgar moans Jake drew out of you.
You felt Jake's neediness, the desperation underlying his roughness--as if this was not just the first, but the only time he'd get to kiss you and have you for himself.
As if you'd ever allow for this to be the only time.
Your hands fell to his shoulders, nails breaking his skin and marking him with crescent indents. He groaned as you did, kissing you with even more fervour, fiery passion never ceasing as you both chased after that hellish ecstasy; seizing, bruising, suffocating you.
More, more, more. Giving and taking, taking, taking.
You just could never have enough, clueless as to where you started and Jake ended, Jake's tongue practically down your throat now. You know you needed air, your eyes rolling to the back of your head, but your body refused.
If this was how you died, then you'd die an elated woman.
But Jake suddenly pulled away from you, making you whine loudly. Your hands pawed at his chest, tears springing to your eyes and your ears couldn't even register the pitiful pleas that tumbled out of your mouth for more, more, more.
"You're such a fucking slut, aren't you, mi amor?" Jake snickered, one hand wrapping around your neck, thumb stroking the column of your throat, squeezing just enough to feel as if your head was floating. "Steven always saw you as this pure, innocent angel. But you're not, aren't you? You wanna be corrupted, don't you? You wanna be my pretty little devil, slut?"
"I'll be anything for you, Papi." You replied breathlessly, tears staining your scarlet cheeks. "Just be my everything."
"I'll be whatever--do whatever--for you, mi vida." His voice was low, barely above a whisper, but you heard him loud and clear, his earnesty and sweetness cloying. His other hand caressed your face before he leaned down, his tongue licking away your salty tears, a reprieve from the rapturous flames that engulfed him. "Now... What do you want Papi to do?" He purred, smirking wolfishly down at you. "You want me to fuck you? Spread your little virgin pussy, fill you up with my cock? Wanna see how much you can take, cariño. Take all my cum, don't waste a single fucking drop."
As tempting as his filthy words were, as much as you wanted to, you remembered how Steven refused to have sex with you last night. Of his promise that he'll make love to you another time, when he was better prepared with condoms. And fuck, you wanted him--them--so badly. Steven and Jake. But you respected Steven and his decision, and you did also want for your lovemaking to be special.
"Can I taste your cock, Papi?" You asked, biting your lip as you met Jake's gaze shyly. You felt like a mouse and he was the lion, yet you held the power in whatever was going to happen. "I-I promise I'll take it all... Take all your cum, like a good girl."
Jake knew that you chose not to have sex with him out of respect for Steven, and that only made him love you more. He felt a pang in his heart and a smile tugged up the corners of his lips, eyes locking with yours, full of tenderness and affection.
Right then and there, he knew that you were "the one". For him and Steven.
"Get on your knees like a good fucking girl, then." He breathed, and you didn't hesitate as you instantly dropped to your knees, breasts jiggling slightly as you did. Your eyes widened as his cock stood proudly, mere inches away from your face.
"I...I'm sorry if I'm...bad." Your voice came out as a squeak, mentally slapping yourself before clearing your throat. "I-I've never done this before!"
"You better have not or else I'll hunt down and kill all the fuckers you've ever been with." He barked out a laugh, but his eyes were dark and serious.
Murder was not something Jake Lockley ever joked about, after all.
Strangely enough, you found his possessiveness...sexy. Which only meant that Jake was already corrupting you.
But was that really such a bad thing?
You shook your head, focusing on the cock--erm, task--at hand. Your hand wrapped around his shaft, hearing Jake breathe sharply through his nose as you did. You licked your lips as you watched the pre-cum drip out of the tip, so curious, so transfixed like a moth to a flame.
Your tongue then darted out, experimentally licking the milky fluid. Jake threw his head back with a guttural groan; you've barely even started, and it made you fucking giddy that he reacted like this.
"Jake..." You murmured, giggling softly. You peered up at him through your long lashes, flashing him a dazzling smile. "You're so beautiful, Jake."
"That ain't something you should call a man, mi vida." Jake scoffed, but the crimson tint on his cheeks have spread like wildfire to the tips of his ears and neck. "Especially not when you're the beautiful one."
"Going soft on me now, Jakey?" You teased lightheartedly, slowly beginning to stroke his length.
Jake's breath hitched, brows furrowing as he watched you intently, attentively. "You really are a little devil, Y/N." He chuckled deeply, and you knew that meant trouble. "You think I'm going soft? Looks like you really have a lot you need to know about me."
Like before, his hand fisted your hair, pulling your head back and making you look up at him. "Open up, slut." And you did, opening your mouth and sticking your tongue out. You flinched slightly as his cock hit your tongue, his other hand grabbing his member and moving it around on your tongue, painting it white.
"Now you're gonna be a good cocksucker, got it?" He grinned down devilishly at you, eyes twinkling with sheer, wicked glee. "You're gonna make Papi cum, like the good whore that you are."
You nodded hastily, eagerly. And you just couldn't fucking take it anymore, jostling forward and burying his cock in your wet, hot mouth.
"That's. Fucking. It." Jake hissed, his grip on your hair tightening ever so slightly. Slowly, you began to bob your head, your mouth accommodating his size. You briefly wondered how anyone could ever even compare this to a banana or a popsicle stick; it was much bigger and your jaw started to hurt, which Jake quickly noticed as you tensed.
"Hey, relax." He cooed, reaching down to tenderly wipe away the tears you didn't realize were flowing down your cheeks. "Easy, Y/N. Relax your mouth, loosen up your throat... Fuck, yeah, that's it. Keep going, hermosa."
With newfound confidence and assurance, you gradually increased your pace. You hollowed your cheeks, your tongue sliding along the underside of his cock with each rhythmic bop of your head. Up, down, up, down--Jake's sinful groans bouncing off the walls of the bathroom, never breaking eye contact as you burned all of him into memory.
Then your surprised gasp was muffled as his foot pressed against your clit, only offering you a cocky smirk in return.
He began to move his foot, his toes budging your clit and stroking along your pussy. You moaned around his cock, grinding against his foot for more friction. Then his other hand grabbed onto your hair, both of his hands now pushing and pulling your head up, down, up, down--drool spilling down the sides of your mouth, resisting the urge to gag as the tip of Jake's cock pounded your throat, your hands floundering to his thighs as you clung on for dear life.
"Fuck, look at you... Una putita tan bonita solo para mí." He laughed, the thrusts of his hips growing fiercer, more rabid as he mercilessly fucked your throat. "Wanna taste me, mi vida? Think you've earned it?"
All you could do was nod, nod, nod--looking up at him pleadingly as you continued to desperately grind yourself against his foot, your own orgasm fast approaching.
Jake's jeering laughter soon stuttered into a heavy, gasping moan; his eyes squeezing shut as his head fell back, hitting the wall. You felt his cock twitch, releasing his seed, shooting down your throat and his balls slamming against your chin.
Your own release coated Jake's foot, your entire body shuddering from the intensity of it all and coughing as Jake finally withdrew his cock out of your mouth. But you didn't have time to revel in the afterglow as Jake's hand wrapped around your neck once more, dragging you up and crashing his lips with yours. You swapped spit and cum, but neither of you cared; the two of you groping, squeezing, clinging onto each other any which way your needy hands could fumble.
You didn't keep track anymore of who pulled away first, laughter ringing in your ears as you both grinned at each other; spent, happy.
The dawn of something new, exciting, promising shining between the two of you.
Wordlessly, Jake turned on the shower again. Then he grabbed the soap, his hands gliding along your smooth skin, his lips attaching to the crook of your neck where he could see the faint pinpricks of his handprint slowly materializing.
"Did I hurt you, mi vida?" As rough of a lover as Jake was, none of his pleasure mattered if you didn't enjoy yourself.
"A little bit." You admitted, wrapping your arms around his neck and kissing the top of his head. "But it's okay. I...liked it." You blushed furiously.
"Fuck..." He grumbled, pulling away and looking very much like a kicked puppy, something that you thought only Steven was a pro at. "As cute as you are blushing like that, princesa, I'm so fucking sorry. I know I should know when to stop, when to be gentle...but those are not really what I'm good at." His eyes drifted down, and you can tell that he had a lot more to say. A lot more to regret. "I'm sorry, Y/N."
"I forgive you, Jake. Now please... Stop beating yourself up, okay?" You cupped his face, pecking his nose and meeting his gaze. "I'm not lying when I said I liked it, but don't blame yourself too much. I also should've done something, spoken up if it was too painful for me." Your fingers ran through his hair, smiling softly, lovingly at him. "All of this is new for me--for us. But it's okay, 'cause we can learn together, yeah? And if you'd like, we can come up with a safe word if things get too rough."
Jake hesitated, wondering if you were really telling the truth and not just trying to comfort him. But one look at your sweet, loving smile was more than enough for his worries and doubts to fade away, his own smile gracing his lips and his hands holding your own that were so gently, kindly cupping his face.
"I think that would be great. Any idea what the safe word should be?"
"I was thinking 'Khonshu'." Your answer made Jake snort before he bursted into laughter, you joining shortly after.
"Mi vida, if you say that bastardo's name while we're fucking, you really are gonna make me go soft." He chuckled, pinching your cheek and kissing your forehead.
"Fine, fine! Clearly coming up with a safe word is what I'm not good at. Let's figure it out together." You playfully rolled your eyes, giggling and kissing his cheek. "Anyway, I'll head out first. But don't take too long or else I'll jump in the shower with you again and for the sake of Steven's water expenses, you do not want that happening."
"On one condition, señorita. You have to wear my clothes when you get out, not Steven's." He hummed to which you laughed and nodded, but just as you were about to step out of the shower, Jake suddenly grabbed your wrist and pulled you back to his chest.
He leaned down to your ear, voice a low purr as he spoke; like it was a secret, a sacred oath between only the two of you.
"El amor de mi vida, mi salvavidas... Nunca te dejaré ir."
Your lips curled up into a smile, your heart swelling achingly within your chest. You turned around and leaned up on your tiptoes, your lips melting perfectly together with Jake's, becoming one.
"I love you, Jake Lockley." You whispered, sealing your oath. "Now... Don't keep me waiting. You know I'm an impatient woman."
Jake watched with a dumb, lovestruck grin as you pulled away giggling, finally stepping out of the shower and closing the bathroom door behind you. And as soon as you were gone, Jake piped up to the other occupant in the bathroom.
"Steven, ese... I know you're there, might as well say something, huh?"
'Bloody HELL, mate...' Steven's words stumbled out in a rushed, breathless breath. 'That was MENTAL.'
"You're welcome for the free show, ese." Jake chuckled, standing under the spray of the shower as he washed himself off.
Although Jake couldn't see Steven, he knew that the poor, flustered English man was having a damn heart attack at this very moment.
'That was...that was...' Steven was completely at a loss for words, making Jake smirk.
"The hottest fucking thing you've ever seen? Yeah, I know. Y/N's our sexy girlfriend, after all." Jake turned off the shower, hopping out and drying himself off with a towel. "You're right, by the way. We're both absolutely fucked."
'I'm just glad it all worked out, mate.' Steven replied, relief and happiness flooding his voice. 'You deserve her. WE deserve her. It's just...' He trailed off, sighing deeply. 'Now that I think about it, I'm worried about Marc.'
"Fuck Marc." Jake snapped, his eyes settling on the mirror, Steven's reflection staring back at him with an anxious crease between his brows and lips downturned. "We deserve to live our own lives, too, Steven. That cabrón's just gonna have to deal with it."
And deal with it, Marc will. But...
You'll have to deal with Marc, too.
#Moon Knight#Moon Knight Smut#Steven Grant#Jake Lockley#Marc Spector#Steven Grant Smut#Jake Lockley Smut#Marc Spector Smut#Steven Grant x Reader#Jake Lockley x Reader#Marc Spector x Reader#Steven Grant x Reader Smut#Jake Lockley x Reader Smut#Marc Spector x Reader Smut#Reader x Steven Grant#Reader x Jake Lockley#Reader x Marc Spector#Reader x Steven Grant Smut#Reader x Jake Lockley Smut#Reader x Marc Spector Smut#Oscar Isaac
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long post: the neck kisses playlist on joel's spotify is about jimmy (and kind of etho too a little bit)
it's not actually about jimmy it very much is not about jimmy. however I had visions when I listened to it and I know at least one person really wants me to put this into words so
"I Miss Having Sex But At Least I Don't Wanna Die Anymore" is a pretty straightforward song about Awsten Knight's post-break-up life as well as his frustrations with his fanbase.
The feelings post-break-up are described as freeing, hence the title ".. don't wanna die anymore" but the ending of the song hints at some nagging regret despite that, with the desperate repeating mantra of "but I think it's fine, it's cool"
While I don't think all of these songs signify chronology (and some I don't think are literal at all unless c!Joel has some weird daddy issue lore I'm unaware of), I do like to think the start of the playlist calls to pre-3L jimmy/joel, most specifically their relationship in x-life.
In x-life, Joel establishes a totally-not-cult religion he dubs "Jeremyism", Jimmy being his first member after he fails to trick Lizzie into joining. He later gives up his leader title, quote, "for content". Jimmy is unhappy with this development and begs Joel to stay, but Joel refuses. While their relationship in x-life would be hard to define as romantic in any sense, they were clearly fond of eachother before Joel eventually broke away.
Things get a bit hazy here since "for content" doesn't really translate to anything in-universe, but I think it's interesting to note that both the song and Joel mention an audience, specifically one that they feel the need to appease. Whether this is a metaphor or watcher lore or some secret third thing I have no idea but it sure is there 👍
In my mind, it goes like this: Jimmy and Joel meet, they hit it off, Jimmy is affectionate and Joel starts to catch feelings. Joel cuts Jimmy off for making him feel weird.
the second song in the playlist reinforces this, being a much angrier post-break-up song.
While this seems out-of-order (why does the immediate anger come after the song about life after the break-up?), I think it's interesting if you look at it from an angle of this not being fully Joel's feelings towards Jimmy, but Joel's frustration towards himself for messing it up.
with a little bit of frustration being placed on jimmy too:
pictured: joel in third life with a message from jimmy that he very much. does not answer.
personally I like to think Joel held a lot of resentment towards Jimmy in Third Life, both for homophobic reasons (i.e. you made me feel gay and now I'm gonna punish you for it) and for jealousy reasons (start of his number one scott hater arc)
this one's just in the wrong playlist first of all why does he insert this between two waterparks songs. whatever man.
anyway this song's interesting to me because it's literally just about a hot babe getting rejected by some fuck who refuses to be ball-and-chained.
there's two directions this could go imo: one is that this is, once again, evoking joel and jimmy's relationship. Joel acknowledges that he a life with Jimmy would be nice, but he refuses to settle down because it would rob him of his identity/freedom.
the other is that brandy is joel and the sailor is etho, since brandy shows an admiration for the sailor but also an awareness that he loves his job more than her
this storybook like description of how brandy saw the sailor's tales is very smalletho to me idk. very hand-in-hand with joel's child-like view of who etho is.
I don't have much for this one tbh it's pretty much just a love song and Joel really liking waterparks (king)
That being said, there's some fun imagery to play with here:
yellow = jimmy makes a lot of sense (blonde hair, canary imagery, yellow also representing people on their second life in the life series which evokes neither the assumed skillfulness of a late game green name nor the danger of a red name), as does green = joel (the green streak. shrek. yeahg. and while red joel is iconic "green like my insides" could also be read in this context as "deep down, I am safe to be around" which I think is neat)
"natural blue" is a bit harder to interpret (especially considering the original context of this being a joke about Awsten dyeing his hair) but blue is of course scott's colour. this could be read spitefully as Natural blue (was in love with jimmy first) vs scott's dyed hair or it's. joel saying that's he's gay idk man.
"at least I match your eyes" is pretty simple, with both of them having brown eyes, "jealous and hypnotized" once again alluding to some jealousy, likely towards FH again if you believe the blue line is alluding to scott.
however joel has plenty of people to be jealous of in regard to jimmy so. shrugs. hey you can even interpret this line as talking about jimmy's desirability. neat.
there's also this, which again might allude to flower husbands, implying in this fake world I've created that Joel doesn't view them as actually "married"
ok this is getting too long lmao see you guys next time i feel like writing about this stupid fucking playlist again
#random thoughts#trafficshipping#smallidarity#do i tag joel/effo if they're only mentioned like. once#nah i don't think so
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Yandere isekai! Alpha!
Who you met during your mindless scrolling through the brainrotting reels and videos thats feeding the addiction part of your brain, in no time you're suddenly transported in the middle of a busy street with your pajamas.
Not knowing if you've accidentally sleepwalked or if you were daydreaming, you noticed the strange waft of different smells the people around you have.
Its all too much for your brain, the smell of different perfumes clashing eachother is making your head spin. In no time, you accidentally hit your head on someone.
A tall person, maybe 6'7 you note. You have to crank your neck upwards to see him, apologize and run back to your home despite forgetting that you're in the middle of an unknown street.
"S..sorry..?" You half muttered, trying to get a glimpse of the man by squinting, the backlight of the sun isn't helping the unfortunate circumstances you're in.
"No problem! ...hey are you lost, little thing?" The man tilted his head, blocking the sun and giving you a bit of how he looks now. "You don't smell like an average beta.. or omega... even alpha"
He's an attractive person, a lazy smile etched on his perfectly smooth face. Pulling the fat of the cheeks a little and curving his cat-like eyes just beneath his golden rimmed glasses. Theres a few moles you see near his left eye, under the eyebrow and bottom lip. He looks like one of those pinterest models you see, one that people put as a drawing reference.
"Uhm.. what?"
"You're okay?"
"I think so? What do you mean.. average beta?"
Hearing your answer, the tall man can only hummed and fix his dark blue hair. It wasn't long enough to reach his shoulder but not short enough to reach his ears too, a layered cut maybe? You try to figure out the man's body action before hearing out what he has to say. Theres a small fear of you getting kidnapped, pulled into some drunken bar or maybe a dimmed and empty place to steal your organs.
"Betas? You know, the second gender?" He muttered, the lazy smile is still stapled on his face. You asked if he's talking about the same beta, omega and alpha that you know about. The ones that you've read in fiction and posts, a universe where people have secondary genders instead of just the usual biological male or female. "Hmmm... yes?".
You wanted to laugh, make a weird face, punch him on the guts, to say he's joking would be an understatement. He looks serious, in fact. He looks at you judgingly despite the small smile he kept. You panicked, finding out that those isekai fictions are actually happening to you, during your scrolling on the dumb thin brick of electronic. Maybe if you weren't so focused on it, you would realized you're slowly being transported into another dimension.
The man tilted his head again, a small humm is heard despite the loud steps of the crowd walking past you. The crowd, you're also in the middle of the busy street. The sweat on your palms feels more wet now that you realized everyone is seeing you in your pajamas, the only pair of outfit you wear to be comfortable alone, uninterrupted in your small abode.
"You look so anxious.. wanna go somewhere to talk? Seems like you need something to straighten your mind"
Time moves quickly, you're now sitting in a thick sofa. One that feels like its been used for years, the comfortable dent it has gives you a sense of belonging. The man, introduced himself as Elias. Explained to you how this world works, after noticing how despite having betas around. You have a particular smell that isnt too strong or "unique" as he would say it. "Quite the catch you are" he smiled as he tilted his head again, the act reminding you of an owl. "An alpha like me have sharper nose... but i can barely smell you. Its like smelling a deer.. small deer"
Now you're lounging in his house, holding a warm chamomile tea he brewed. Feeling snug despite being in a strangers house, waiting for him to finish changing. He discussed about you having a place to stay, urging you to live in his house for awhile till you can figure things out in this world. 'How kind..' you think, 'maybe the alphas in the fiction isnt as horrible as it actually is in here... '
You didn't noticed the lingering look he's giving you, the licking of his lips each time you tend to appear skittish and unsafe. He has a need to keep you alone, keep you safe around him and maybe spoil you a bit. Who knows? Maybe throughout all his life being an Apex Alpha, you are his true mate. The reason he's been so devoid of any feeling and not so obedient for his wolf side is because you haven't appeared in his universe.
Fortunately hes a patient man, so patient. He can easily break you down to become his perfect little omega, no matter if you'll have it as a second gender or not. In his eyes, you'll always be an omega. His omega
Elias is an old yandere oc i created, i had some ideas of how he is but i wanted to show more of his personality here. Theres a few notes past me put on his character but the rest, is improvised.Sooo this is all not proofread.
#🎨—galleria#🦭—oc#📖—Writings#✍️—doodles#📃—ref sheet#yandere oc#yandere male#yandere male x reader#male yandere#yandere
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college roommate - leon kennedy x reader
nerdy!reader x leon kennedy
synopsis: you and leon have just started university, finding yourself in the same university visit, he comes and visits your dorm as he's been struggling in his classes. you kick it off, and you invite each other into your different, interesting lives.
words: like 4500
disclaimer: this isn't proof-read and i actually do need to proofread it and i will when i finish it, this also isn't finished. so if u don't wanna read it now and wanna come back to it when it's pristine and complete be my guest, the edit of this will be very edited like literally whole chunks of texts will be different, i just wanted to post something
content warning: kissing, bit of angst, slight smut/almost smut, sexual themes
A loud knock rings through your door, if it had come even a second later you wouldn’t have heard it at all as you were on a one-way path to passing out on top of your notes.
“Come in.” You mumble, picking your head up off of the desk and watching as a dirt-blonde hunk of a boy you don’t recognise comes through. Maybe it’s one of the frat boys trying to get to know all the girls in his dorm house.
“Hey. Can I ask a favour?”
“Who are you?”
"I'm Leon, I saw you in my engineering lecture the other day and you looked like you understood what was going on. Then I found out you were in my university building. So here, I am. Help. Please. I’m going to fail and we’re only 3 weeks in." His desperation makes you laugh, something you were shocked you could do in this dazed state after a mind-boggling 8 hours of completing work.
"Oh Leon, I'd love to but I think if I even think about that engineering class for another second right now I might actually drop down and die."
"It can wait, you busy right now? Other than you know, spilling drool all over your papers?”
“Yeah, I was just about to go spill some on my pillow too, I'm exhausted." You say, not entirely joking, and begin to gather your things.
“I get it.”
“We have another engineering lecture tomorrow anyway so you can just catch me then."
"You sure, though? I mean I'm already here." He shrugs and picks up a book from her bookshelf. "How do you read any of these? There are no pictures." You laugh again.
"You're asking me how I read physics books when you take engineering… Are you sure you picked the right course? You know, you can read it if you want, and would probably benefit from it. If you can even read."
"No thanks, I'll just get you to teach it to me tomrrow. I’ll see you in a bit, Einstein.”
"You should watch what you call me if you want me to tutor you, that’s usually not free."
"Oh, but the thing is I don't think you're actually going to make me pay for anything. You're too nice for that."
"That's a very bold statement to make to a stranger."
"You'll come round eventually."
"Yeah, yeah, whatever."
"Can I just ask you another question? I'm not going to stop annoying you until you answer it the way I want you to."
"Go on." You sigh.
"Have you eaten today? Cause I haven't and I'm hungry."
"Leon-"
"Please."
"Okay, okay, God, you're persistent. Gonna give me a headache." You groan and sit up.
"It’s worth it, you'll need me to keep you sane later in the year."
"Oh really? You think we’re gonna stay friends that long?"
"I know you've got your nerdy brain, but I've been told I have a great personality." You can't tell if he's implying something with that disgustingly stupid joke or if he really is just an idiot. To be fair, he's funny and managed to pull you out your the room you had been hibernating in for the past few days to get ahead of work. You suppose there are worse people you could be forced to talk to.
"Whatever. Just get out of here." You push him towards the door.
"You're not going to eat with me?" You roll your eyes and lock the door, getting dressed into something that wasn't your pyjamas.
…
Now here you were, eating outside with this boy from your lectures when you had just wanted to be at home sleeping. Although it was nicer than you thought it would be, he had insisted on buying you an energy drink to keep your eyes open as you were eating in some random burger shop.
"How come you're struggling?"
"Been going to too many parties, I've got different priorities."
"..."
"What?" He says defensively.
"Don't make me slap you. You can't be stupid because you got into this university, you're wasting your potential."
"I am not!"
"You're struggling! We're only 3 weeks in! I mean, come on, Leon."
"I don't understand what your problem is, maybe you need to live a little."
"That is rich coming from you. You're going to peak in college and fuck up the rest of your life if you ruin your chance now. And I live fine right now, I go out often enough and put the rest of my time toward my course, like a responsible human being."
"So you're boring?"
"So you're an idiot and can't plan for the future?"
"No, I'm not." He smirks. "And also, I never said I couldn't plan for the future, just that it isn't the only thing I want to focus on."
"Okay, fine, that's it. This is your problem, I'm not tutoring you."
"Got under your skin?" He smiles.
"I'm serious. You're smart if you got into this school, but you're wasting your talent partying and sleeping around."
“You’ve only known me for 20 minutes and you’ve managed to start an argument.”
“I just don’t want to waste my time. If you want me to help with assignments you need to make an effort, and if you want to be my friend, you’re also going to need to make an effort because I’m not going to care about someone who can’t even care about themselves.”
"I care about myself. Why else would I come to you for help on this?"
"Because you can't do it yourself and your friends are too stupid to ask them for help."
"No... Well... Okay fine, yeah that sounds pretty accurate. But in all honesty, I do care about my grade, that's why I'm coming to you. Now you know my intentions, I beg talk about something else, this entire conversation is reminding me of my mom."
"Like what?"
"Like, there's a party next Saturday, and I think you should come with me. You’re pretty entertaining."
"Oh, Leon. You're so clueless, it's pitiful."
"You have to go to the party, it will be fun."
"I have been to parties, I've gone to 2 since the start of the semester. But we have assignments to work on this week."
"One more little party isn't going to kill you. It'll be good, and then we can do the work."
"That's a very backward mindset."
"You'll thank me, trust me."
"You say the reason you’re struggling is because you’re going to many parties, and immediately proceed to invite me to a party." You shake your head and laugh. “You are something else.”
“So are you coming?”
“I’ll think about it.”
…
You and Leon had been going to the lectures together ever since, having lunch at points when he wasn’t hoarded by his friends and even managing a few study sessions into his schedule. You came 5 minutes early for the engineering lecture the next day. Flipping through the textbook notes to top up on your pre-reading beforehand, you had right at the back as Leon begged you to over text the previous night to sit there rather than the front so he’d feel comfortable sitting next to you. It doesn't take long for people to start filtering in, and eventually, that blonde-headed boy pops up next to you, leaning his head on your shoulder immediately.
"Didn't get enough sleep last night." He mutters.
"Up studying?"
"You know me so well."
“I'm not even going to ask what you were doing." You sigh, fully believing he had either gone clubbing or to another party last night.
"I promise you, I was studying. And you can ask me all the questions you want, I'll try my best to answer. I did go a little off track and I'm not doing well at it but your inspirational speech convinced me to try a bit."
"Really?" You ask excitedly, looking down at him. "Leon, that's great!" You feel his cheeks crease into a smile against your shoulder at your enthusiasm.
"You're more excited about it than I am, that's cute." He chuckles. "Keep talking, my head hurts, your voice helps."
"The lecture starts soon."
"Don't care."
"I’m not going to talk over the lecturer." You say, flicking his forehead.
"It's just a lot, okay? I'm trying my best, but I might have reached my full capacity last night." He sits up and sighs, rubbing his temples.
“Welcome to university."
"Yeah, whatever. Can we go back to your room after?"
"Sure."
"Thank you."
"Of course."
The professor finally steps into the lecture hall, and everyone quiets down, preparing for the lesson.
Halfway through, Leon couldn't help but pass out on you again. Your body went rigid, trying to make sure his head wouldn't fall off your shoulder. You pick the paper off of his desk, dragging it toward you as you start to write notes on your own and his paper so he won't miss out on anything.
He's surprisingly cute when he's not cracking annoying jokes and snapping back with snarky remarks. He was even making you lose track of the lecture a bit.
After class, you wake him up and walk him back to your dorm with him, chatting and catching him up on what he missed briefly. When you think about it, you're surprised you only met him yesterday. He feels like someone you've known since secondary school, or maybe he just treats everyone this way. Either way, you wouldn't complain about spending time with him.
"So, we're alone. What do we do?"
"Study?" You say, throwing him a pencil and paper. "Don't ask me stupid questions like that again."
"Come on, we just got out of an hour lecture, we basically already studied."
"A lecture that you slept for half of-"
"And that you caught me up on after."
"We need to make up the time. Now come on, let's work."
"But-"
"Now, Leon."
"Ugh."
…
The next hour wasn't as bad as you had expected it to be, you could still get your work done while simultaneously teaching Leon that content he missed out on. His demeanour quickly became enthusiastic when he saw how proud you were when you understood a concept, and you were genuinely impressed, he caught onto things quickly. After an hour, you both took a break sitting on your bed, him replying to some messages on his phone.
"Hey." You say, poking his arm to draw his attention.
"What?"
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"Making the effort to try, even if it is just a little bit."
"You're definitely making more effort than me." He smiles, leaning his head on your shoulder again.
"If you want to sleep you should just go home, you must be exhausted."
"I'm not leaving you in this depressing room, I'm keeping you company."
"I’m not keeping you from anything? Your phone was blowing up a second ago I assume you have somewhere to be."
"They can wait, I want to stay around for a bit longer. I like the change for once."
"Change?"
"It's quiet, I can think for once. You’re different from the people I’m around smart and stubborn,”
“So you’re aware of the poor choice of people you hang around, you had me fooled for a while.”
“Wait I’m not done, and even after all of that, I can tell that you're a little shy which is adorable. Oh, and my favourite part is how easy you are to annoy."
"I am not."
"You're blushing right now, I can feel your cheek getting hot. Adorable."
"Don’t you even close your mouth?"
"You know I can't, come on, it's not like you mind."
"Oh my god."
"Admit it, I'm fun to be around."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Tell me what you think of me."
"What?"
"Tell me, come on. Please, I'm dying for validation."
"Well. You're nice, and I've never seen you without a smile on your face, it's refreshing.”
“A little more… I know you got it in you.”
“You're not as stupid as you make yourself out to be,. And I honestly can't tell if I'm special or if you treat everyone else this way because you make me feel way more important than I really would be for someone like you."
"You're special, trust me. And that's a stupid question to ask. Do you want a list of the people I've met? The people I’ve made friends with?"
"What?"
"I can count on one hand the real people I've managed to keep around and one of those is my dog. Don't worry about that, because I know you’re gonna be on that list too. I know you think that I have so many friends and I'm surrounded by people all the time, but they're all fake. They're just fun for parties and clubbing when you have nothing else to do."
"But-"
"It's true." He looks at you, his expression becoming serious for the first time since you've met him. "And I've got to tell you, you're different."
"Different?"
"Yeah, you're interesting. You're not fake, and you're actually doing something with your life."
"I wouldn't be too sure about that, I think you’ve just surrounded yourself with one particular type of person, and now you’re shocked when you meet someone who’s not an idiot."
"Come on, I've seen the work you've done in these past 24 hours. You were working for at least 25 of them.”
"You know how to flatter me."
"That's another reason why you should hang out with me more."
"Oh, and why's that?"
"I'm not afraid to admit how much I like you, Einstein. Makes you feel good, doesn’t it?"
"I can't even think about what I should say to that." You say, laughing and burying your head in your hands. "God, you're a mess."
“I suppose, yeah. You’re changing that though.” He lifts your chin up to face him, smiling at your red cheeks. “See? So cute.”
"Why do you have to keep saying things like that?"
"Because you react this way." He grins.
"I hate you."
"Let me ask you something again. Are you going to go to the party on Saturday?"
"I don’t think so."
“Since I’ve got the chance, I think I can change your mind.” He smiles and pulls your face a little closer, close enough for him to feel your shallow breaths against his lips.
"I-" You can't find any words, you're stunned. He's gorgeous, and you can't deny that, but the idea of kissing him feels wrong, you can't do it. Not right now. The thought of getting with someone you're starting to have feelings for is setting off alarm bells, the alarm bells imprinted by your bad experiences from secondary school of guys playing with your emotions. No matter how much your heart is screaming you want to, your mind is screaming no.
"You're gonna go with me right?" He whispers.
"Okay." You say hoarsely, your legs desperately pressed together.
"Good girl." He smiles, getting up and putting his shoes on. "I'll see you on Saturday." He says, before leaving.
"I'm screwed." You mutter.
…
Saturday finally rolled around. You weren't even sure how much time you spent with Leon the day before, but you knew you wanted more. This was starting to become a concern for you. You remember last year, when you were hurt so bad you pledged to never fall for someone again. You can't do this, not with him. You know Leon is exactly that kind of guy, he’s charming, an athlete, with too many friends for his own good, someone who has no reason to be associated with you unless he wanted something, and was patient when it came to getting it.
And yet, here you were, wearing a simple little black dress and the heels Leon said would match. You pray that the feelings are cut off here, hopefully he sees you as just a friend and just likes to tease. But a little part of you has a sliver of hope that maybe this is real.
Leon came to pick you up from your room, as he was only a floor away. When you opened the door you were met with Leon dressed in a black bottom down with the top two buttons undone and the sleeves rolled up which definitely made you feel some kind of way.
"Leon, hi." You say, overly aware of the fabric hugging your skin, you rarely wore tight clothes.
"Wow." His eyes were stuck to everything that wasn't your face.
"Hey! My eyes are on my face, not my chest."
"I know."
"Leon!"
"Just admiring the view." You ended up crossing your arms to try and hide a bit of your figure.
"Can you stop looking?"
"You look great, don't worry." He says.
"Whatever."
"No, I'm serious. I mean it, you look amazing. Just relax and have fun, okay?" He puts his arm around your waist, pulling you close. "You look hot. And it's only going to get better. Just try to have a good time, I'll be by your side the whole time.”
"I've been to a party before, you don't need to baby me."
"I know it’s just this one is a big one. They always end in a mess. I've had a couple of close calls with the police."
"That's not what I'm worried about." I'm worried about what I might end up doing with you, she thinks.
"Just tell me if anything makes you uncomfortable and we can go." He smiles and leads you out of the dorm building and into the street.
"How far is it?"
"Only a few minutes away." He says, leading you along the sidewalk.
The walk wasn't too far, it was about 20 minutes of you both drinking from a wine bottle for some pre-game. Time seemed to fly by as you came to the house. Whoever was hosting this party, probably one of Leon's friends no doubt, was rich. The house was huge and the whole thing was vibrating with the music that blasted through it.
"We're here."
"I think it’s going to collapse.."
"Wait until you see inside." He grabs your hand and drags you in, the house packed. You didn't recognise anyone and felt a little intimidated as Leon led you through the crowd of people, pushing them aside. You couldn't believe there were this many students in the town.
He stops at the kitchen, handing you a drink. You hadn't gone to a party this big before, and that was voluntary, this was just too much. You drink it in one to hopefully get you drunk enough to gain a bit of confidence and hand it back to Leon for it to get refilled.
"I didn't know there were this many people here."
"There's usually a lot." He smiles, handing her another drink. "Don't worry, I'll be with you the whole night. You take a shot before starting to sip on the more tame drink Leon had gotten.
"What do you want to do first?"
"Let’s go find some of my friends.He says, taking your hand and dragging you through the sea of people, most likely dancing, grinding, or drinking.
He pulls you into the living room, finding his friends from one of the lectures and joining in on their conversation. You're introduced and you talk with them, they're all quite funny and sweet. You were happy to have found a fun little group.
The rest of the night is spent with them, the five of you getting progressively drunker and drunker and talking about more and more stupid shit before someone suggests the group should go and dance, you immediately go and hide behind Leon.
"Dancing is definitely not my thing." You whisper.
"You have to come."
"No way."
"Please." He says, looking into your eyes.
"Why?"
"I want you to."
"Leon."
"If you hate it, I'll make it up to you. Please." He whispers, and you sigh, giving in. "I know you'll enjoy it." He smiles and leads her by the hand into the living room where everyone is.
"Everyone's too drunk to be paying any attention anyway." He says, and the group joins in on the dance.
After a few more drinks the alcohol started to hit.
"Isn't so bad, is it?" He says after the first few minutes, watching you find your rhythm.
"No, it's fun."
"See, told you."
"Don't let it go to your head, I'm just drunk."
He smiles, spinning you so your back is pressed against his, the two of you continue to dance. He leans down and kisses your shoulder, wrapping his arms around your waist and grinding into you.
"Leon-"
"It's hard to control myself with you, almost kissed you that time I convinced you to come to this party, could tell you weren’t sure though."
"Because I thought we were just friends."
"That never lasts long, does it? Did you really think it was going to stay that way forever?" He says, running his hand down your thigh.
"We're drunk." You mumble, leaning your head back onto his shoulder. God, you wanted it. You were trying with everything you had to rationalise with yourself. He knew what he was doing.
"That doesn't change the fact that you're irresistible. And that's not the alcohol talking. I've been wanting to do this for a while."
He smirks, spinning her back around to face him and lifting you up, your legs wrapping around his waist.
"Let's go upstairs,"
"Leon-"
"Shh." He puts a finger over her lips and leads her away, finding the stairs and walking up. “Stop doubting yourself. One thing about you is that you always say no, or doubt yourself, let’s change that for once.”
He takes you to the first room he finds, happening to be a bathroom, opening the door and stepping in, kicking it closed and locking it. He sets you down and starts to kiss you, the alcohol making it a lot more forceful than usual. You kiss back, letting him guide you and set the pace, his hands sliding over her body.
"You're so fucking beautiful." He mutters, his lips trailing down to your neck. You feel the pressure of his hands pushing you backwards. Your back hits the counter, he lifts you up and settles himself between your thighs.
"Leon-"
"Yeah?"
"Are you sure? About me?"
"Yes." He smiles, lifting his head. "Now stop doubting yourself, will you? You're too perfect for that." If you were sober, your mind would've had red lights blaring, trying to protect you, but the alcohol flattened out all thoughts. A hint of doubt crossed your mind instinctually. But his touch is so good, and he's making you feel things that you haven't in a long time.
"I-"
"Come on, tell me how much you want me."
"I really like you, Leon. It's just...I have this feeling that I'll get hurt."
"What are you so afraid of? What can I do to change your mind?" He whispers. "I'll do anything for you." He says, pulling your head down to kiss him. The sweet nothings bring back some bad memories, it's starting to feel a bit like deja vu.
"I've been hurt before, Leon."
"What's his name? I'll kick his ass."
"It was in high school, but it happened too many times."
"You have to stop thinking, just focus on me, okay?"
"Leon."
"Come on." He sighs, pressing a finger to your lips. "I won't let anything bad happen to you. I don't want to lose something because someone in your past ruined everything for you, okay?"
"I don't know."
He sighs. "Do you wanna head home ?"
"I'm sorry."
"I'm not upset. Come on, I'll take you back."
"I didn't mean to ruin the night."
"No, I'm not letting you leave thinking you ruined it. I'm sure a million more parties are happening this week if you feel so bad."
"I'm a mess, Leon. Why do you even like me? I'm not worth it."
"Of course you are." He says, cupping your cheek."You're the only person I can stand to be around for hours while sober. And you can't argue with that."
"Okay."
"I'll get us out of here and you can crash in my room."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Now come on, we're leaving."
...
The taxi ride home was short and sweet, but still awkward. You were scared he'd be mad at you for ending the night so abruptly, but when you got into the room he made sure to put his arm around you, whispering reassurement into your ear, stroking your hair.
"You don't have to worry. I'm not angry."
"Really?"
"I don't blame you for wanting to wait."
"It's just, the last time-"
"I'm not him, you can trust me. I've been trying to prove that to you."
"I think... Maybe I can learn to trust you."
"You will, eventually." He says, holding his arms open, gesturing for her to cuddle with him.
"Thank you."
"Anytime."
You cuddle him for a bit, the silence being cut by the sound of the two of you breathing. Leon leans down to kiss capture your lips softly, it feels a lot easier to kiss him back, pressing your body against him.
"I don't know why anyone would ever hurt you." He whispers between kisses. "You're perfect." He runs his fingers through your hair.
"I don't know about that."
"I don't know why you doubt yourself either. Go to sleep, you'll feel better in the morning."
#resident evil fanfiction#resident evil 4#resident evil 2#resident evil 2 remake#resident evil 4 remake#leon kennedy#leon kennedy fanfiction#leon kennedy fanfic#leon#leon scott kennedy#leonskennedy#leon scott kennedy x reader#leon kennedy x reader#leon x reader#resident evil x reader#resident evil
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Carmen Berzatto’s Night Off - Carmen Berzatto x Reader
I would have had this out earlier, but I got hung up on a two-parter that I’m putting out in the fall. The platform is still pretty new to me so I’m still learning as well. This could be in the same universe as my last two or a stand-alone. I’m trying to think of a nickname or smth to use in place for this series without putting an actual name so it’s still immersive for everyone. I was also thinking about doing requests if it’s smth that has interest so if anyone has thoughts on either feel free to lmk. As always any thoughts or constructive criticism are appreciated! Thank you to everyone who has read and supported me. Love you all! - Elli🌿
TW: None.
A knock sounds at the office door, startling Carmy before it slowly open.
“Hey.” You call to him, walking over.
“Hey, what’s up?” Attention turning back to the papers in front of him, arm circling your waist. He squeezes your hip as you stand beside him while remaining in his chair.
“Just wanted to come see you before the day starts.” You lean down to place a kiss to the top of his messy curls. “Getting some paperwork done?”
He moves his arm to run both hands down his face in frustration before settling them in his lap. “That and the menu Syd’s pushin’ for.” Tipping back in his chair with a heavy sigh.
You lean back against the desk to face him, crossing your arms. “Shouldn't you be working on the menu Syd wants…with Syd?” Questioning what, to you, seemed obvious.
“Yeah, I will. I just wanna get some general ideas down and go from there.” he shrugged.
You lock eyes with him, expression showing you think he's full of shit. “You know this does nothing for your control freak allegations, right?” you laugh.
“I'm not a control freak. I just want everything to go well. It has to if Syd wants her star.”
Tilting your head with an endearing look, you grab his hand in yours. “I know you do, but maybe you should give yourself a break. Take a night off.”
He scoffed. “I can’t just take a night off. There’s too much that needs to get done. This fuckin’ paperwork, the menu, makin’ sure the deliveries are comin’ in and that those deliveries are actually what we fuckin’ ordered and-” He ranted, getting increasingly frustrated with each task mentioned.
“Fine, fine.” You squeeze his hand as a way to gain back his attention but also ground him as he spirals. “I get it, but you can leave on time for once. You get here early and you stay later than anyone else.”
“Because I'm running it.” he interjects.
“And the place won't cease to exist if you leave with everyone else. C’mon, just one night, and tomorrow you can dive head-first back into the neurosis. I'll even come in early with you and help if it'll make you feel better.” You plead with your best attempt at puppy dog eyes.
“Don't look at me like that, Sweetheart. Please.” He tries looking away only for you to huff like a child trying to get their way.
“You are in need of some serious rest and recovery. Slow down a bit. Enjoying your life won't kill you.”
“Baby, c’mon. I gotta try and figure out these recipes or I'll get behind a-and everything will get derailed-”
“Okay, Cameron Frye.” You roll your eyes, mocking him. “I swear, your mind goes straight to the worst-case scenario every time.” Releasing his hand and turning to flip through some of the papers on the desk.
“Who?” He looked confused, shaking his head.
“Cameron Frye. Ferris Bueller's Day off? The best friend.” Focusing on what you think are the beginning sketches of a dish.
“Never seen it.” He said flippantly, going back to looking through the files.
Your eyes shot back up to look at him. “What?! How have you not seen it? Isn't old stuff your whole thing?”
“Vintage is not my whole thing.” He corrects. “I just like it. And I'm talkin’ about denim, not an era as a whole. I barely consume current media. Let alone somethin’ that came out 4 decades ago.”
“Oh, come on. You're missing out. The 80s had some of the greatest movies ever made. The practical effects of horror were unmatched. The love stories were iconic. Not to mention all the feel-good nostalgia. Which, not to be that girl, with your attitude you could probably use in your life.” You ramble on.
“Ouch.” Throwing his hands up slightly in mock offense.
You sigh, feeling as though you’re fighting a losing battle. “Okay, how about a trade? Tonight we go back to my place and have an awesome 80s double feature. You can cook whatever you want for us to enjoy it with. Call it practice for the menu.”
“I can cook anything?” He asked skeptically, crossing his arms.
“Yes, as long as you agree right now to two movies. I pick. No backing out.” You stuck out your hand with a pointed look. Giving the impression of a serious transaction.
If he was being honest, he found it quite cute.
“Okay.” He took your smaller hand in his, sealing the deal.
A smile takes over your serious expression, so wide your face aches.
“Okay! You make plans for dinner and I'll think about what we’ll watch.” Nodding your head as you move back towards the door, making your way out of the office to complete the necessary tasks before opening.
Carmy matches your smile. Happy to see you so excited. Shaking his head as his mind fills with ideas of what you might like and what is to come of the night.
______________________________________________________________
A knock sounds at the door for a second time today. Not to the office this time, but to your apartment. You race over and throw it open. “Well, hello.” You grin.
Carmy stands in the doorway, grocery bags in hand. “Hey, Sweetheart.” He presses a quick kiss to your cheek as he passes you to walk to the kitchen, immediately making himself at home as if it were second nature.
When setting the bags on the counter he sees that there are already some there. “You stopped at the store?”
“Yeah, I just had to get a few things for tonight.” You shrugged.
“You shoulda told me. I woulda picked it up for you.” He didn't like the idea of you going out of your way for him. It was something he had trouble getting used to while being with you because he never wanted to inconvenience you.
“Well, next time we'll go together. Save the trouble.” You tease. Diverting his attention by pulling him into you, wrapping your arms around his neck while his came to your hips.
You bring him in for a soft, slow kiss. The kind that made him seem to sink into you.
He likes the idea of doing something so domestic with you. He always thought he was fine with being alone.
That was until he met you.
Now a trip to the grocery store sounds like the best way he could spend an evening.
He can’t stop himself from imagining how much of the cart you’d fill with random items. You’d swear it was because you had some sort of craving, but he’d know it was more likely that you’d gone on an empty stomach and were just hungry.
Breaking the kiss, he smiles at the prospect. “Okay.” He replied sincerely.
You release him so that he can continue to unpack the groceries, standing to the side of him and watching. “So, Chef Carmen. What's on the menu?”
“Chef Carmen?” He raised an eyebrow, letting out a chuckle.
“Stop, I'm taking this seriously.” You laugh. “You need inspiration for the menu and I'm trying to simulate a good environment for that.”
“I don't think a proper simulation involves you in the old Dio shirt you like to sleep in as a uniform.” Gesturing to your attire with a teasing grin.
“Fine, forget it. What's for dinner, Bear?” You relax, crossing your arms as you lean against the counter.
“Spaghetti.”
"Spaghetti? Hardly seems like something you'd put on the menu.” You questioned, confused.
“It probably won't be on the menu.”
“I thought that was the whole point of tonight? Practicing.”
That was the point originally, but the more he thought about what you would like and how the night would go he didn't want to practice.
He wanted to take work out of the equation completely.
It was obvious you were excited about tonight and he wanted a dish to match the energy of an evening with you.
Something warm and comforting.
“I changed my mind. It’s uh- kinda a family thing. Thought you'd like it.” He tries to sound nonchalant, but it comes out unsure as he spares a glance your way.
“Spaghetti sounds great.” You said softly, a small smile gracing your face.
He has to change the subject quickly before he abandons the idea of cooking completely in favor of you.
He clears his throat as he starts prepping the ingredients for the sauce. “What are we watching?”
“Well, I wanted to pick something I thought you’d like, but since you don’t watch a lot of stuff already I had to gamble with my favorites. First is The Thing since I talked about practical effects. It’s horror, but I don’t think it’s really scary in case that bothers you. The other isss-” You pause to drum your hands on the counter.
Carmen shook his head with a smile and laughed. This is why he likes you.
One of the many reasons he likes you.
You were weird but in a good way. Having the ability to be effortlessly fun in a way he could never be.
“Ferris Bueller's Day Off!” You beamed. “An obvious choice, I know, but I figured it’s the reason we’re having this night in the first place. Plus, it kinda has a little of everything. Friendship, romance, adventure and it takes place in Chicago! A little bit of a 180 from The Thing, but hopefully you’ll like it. It was hard to narrow it down to just two.”
“I feel like this is the most I’ve ever heard you talk.” He teases with a small grin.
He can see an immediate change in your body language. Suddenly turning shy for the first time tonight. He curses himself for mentioning it in the first place.
He was good at nothing if not ruining a good thing.
“It’s easy to talk about things I like,” you take in a deep breath, fidgeting with your hands “with someone I, yknow, really like.” Moving the strands of hair that had fallen in your face as your eyes focus on the floor.
Oh.
He pauses, thoughtfully. It was often hard for him to approach direct conversations, especially ones centered around feelings. But he knew if there was ever a time to try it would be for you. “Well-uh, those sound good. Maybe we could do another night? For the other ones you had in mind.”
The olive branch is all you need to perk up. Going right back to the bubbly personality he became accustomed to with you.
“Yes! Okay, I have so many ideas. A close runner-up was The Lost Boys. I wasn’t sure how you’d feel about vampires though. And Beetlejuice! Beetlejuice was a good one and I heard they’re doing a remake so we could watch both if you like it and compare-“ You continue to ramble as Carmen listens intently. Nodding along to everything you're saying as he cooks for you.
______________________________________________________________
The dishes have long been forgotten on the coffee table. Empty since the first half of The Thing.
You’ve both settled back into the couch with large blankets and at least half a dozen snacks you picked up on the way from work because you insisted that ‘people enjoy movies more with fun snacks’.
It's logic he’s not quite sure he agrees with, but when it came down to the two of you he wouldn’t claim to be the expert.
Now onto the next movie, Jennifer Grey is front and center on the screen as her character sits in the police station.
You stare ahead, almost hypnotized. “Yknow she had been in a couple things at this point, but I think I read somewhere that her role in this is what helped her get Dirty Dancing. It came out a year after.”
“Is that one you wanted me to watch? Dirty Dancing?”
He didn’t want to admit it, but he’d seen it before. It was something Sugar had played once when taking over the tv in the living room and he was forced to watch that or nothing at all. It wasn’t a movie he remembered in great detail, just that he was able to sit through it.
He was thankful Mikey and Richie weren’t around that day or he never would’ve heard the end of it.
You shrug, still transfixed by the screen. “Yeah, if you’re down for it. It would only be my second time so it’ll be pretty new for the both of us.”
“You only saw it once?” He asks curiously.
“Yeah, last month.”
He paused, looking over at you.
Sensing his gaze you turned to him and locked eyes. “What?”
“So you’re givin’ me all this shit about missin’ out on 80s pop culture when you didn't even see one of ‘em until a month ago.”
“I love the movie genre. It doesn't make me an expert! Plus, I used to get creeped out by the age gap between her and Patrick Swayze. But they do this flashback cinema thing at the movies sometimes and I thought ‘How often do people our age get to say they've seen Dirty Dancing in theaters?’ I figured if I was gonna give it a real shot I should watch it the way it was intended.” Your eyes lock back on the screen as a sheepish smile appears.
He just continues to look your way. “Did you like it?”
A grin breaks out on your face and you turn to him once again.
“I kinda loved it.” Your nose scrunching a bit. “I was wrong! I was totally wrong. The soundtrack was great. The choreography was hot. Even though the age thing creeped me out I did end up liking their relationship a lot. I mean, their chemistry was unreal. I guess you could say that about most romantic films, but I don't know… It felt different. Maybe because I built it up in my head?”
You let out a small laugh, turning back to the tv. “As soon as I left the theater I played the soundtrack and sang to it the whole way home.”
A moment passes as he looks between you and the screen.
He leans close to you, putting an arm around your shoulder, and whispers, “Nobody puts Baby in the corner.”
You turn to him so quickly he thinks you might have whiplash.
“Hey! You got one!” You giggle.
Smiling at him, you once again turned your attention to the movie. Only this time scooting closer to rest your head on his shoulder.
As the movie goes on, shared laughs and your mumblings of the dialogue can be heard filling the small apartment.
Towards the end, he goes to make a joke. When he gets no response he looks down to find you asleep on his shoulder.
Captivated by how peaceful you look, the voice of Ferris pulls him back to reality.
“Yup, I said it before and I'll say it again. Life moves pretty fast. You don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”
Leaning down, he places a kiss on your forehead before laying his head against yours.
He's glad he didn't miss this.
#carmen berzatto x reader#carmen berzatto imagines#carmy berzatto x reader#the bear#carmy berzatto x you#the bear x reader#the bear x you#Carmen berzatto#carmen berzatto fluff
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