#I already told you how I'm storing my data! I told you! I told you! oh my god! I told you how like three times!

[liesonthefloordramatically]

filling out IRB paperwork is truly a layer of hell

[greatrunner]

It is a truth universally accepted that when critiquing anything regarding AO3/OTW, reactionaries enter the building, and critical thinking and discernment gets locked out.

Nia Ola (on Substack) attempted to raise the alarm about AO3's changes in Terms of Service. This bit in particular:

Nia Ola: "[...]AO3 just updated their terms and conditions so that the only way you can use the site now is that you consent to them taking your data (so, works that you've written, distributed, saved, bookmarked, etc, everything) and give that data and information to the government."

In my time reading Terms and Conditions of Service, websites claiming that they're "duty bound" to provide data uploaded to the site to the govt, depending on jurisdiction, is not a surprise. You will not be informed or told by the site(s) when the government accesses/obtained your information. All on the pretense that it would "interfere with an ongoing investigation".

It isn't dissimilar to the one I've read here for Tumblr. The bit that says (legalese-y) that anything you post on the site can be used as evidence (IIRC) if it becomes "necessary."

But as usual, the AO3 brigade worked like hell to shout them down. Folk focused a lot on how OTW made their TOS "easier" to understand. They claimed Nia Ola was spreading misinformation. Most have gone as far as quibbling with her phrasing, "giving your information to the government" (which they would be doing) based on their personal interpretation of her meaning.

After making the video (they posted on TikTok) private, Nia Ola continued to encourage people to use security measures like VPNs and secure Browsers (they mentioned Firefox; I'm sure others are recommending Tor, Brave, and lesser-known browsers with better security features than Edge or Chrome) and to back up information they didn't want to lose.

Is it an explicit consequence of the election? Probably not. AO3/OTW knows entirely that they're hosting grimy shit on their website and refuse to do anything about it. AO3/OTW, like other websites, are "all-ages". Meaning OTW knows kids as young as 13 (and lets face it, younger) are using AO3. If the US or any other country decides it's politically advantageous to go after them, AO3/OTW is gonna cover their asses and throw you under the bus.

Point-Blank-Period.

That said, I think it would be irresponsible to exclude the election as a factor altogether. Organizations (govt or otherwise) are hang-wringing about rustling conservative feathers, and censoring themselves to avoid the wrath of a Trump Admin.

KOSA and COPPA are still in play. And there's the bill targeting non-profits to consider that's likely (and did) to pass not long after it got shot down.

When Tumblr wanted the favor of the Apple Store and their advertisers, they targeted sex worker blogs and fashion and art bloggers (primarily Black/non-Black). Then, they created an AI flagging system that still doesn't work.

When enough people (and advertisers) made enough noise about the NC-17 content that FanFiction (dot net) hosted on their site (at the height of its popularity, mind you)? They made a choice that allowed the website to survive and eliminate the target on their back. Both were financially motivated, yes, but if it's a choice of annexing content to stay online or getting shuttered?

AO3 will not be an exception. It's already embracing that "Obeying in Advance" phrase y'all are in love with right now.

Nia Ola is not the only one raising the alarm or alarmed by this decision. In your haste to fall on the sword for an organization that does not care about you, try not to make an ass of yourself by dog-piling people with experience regarding the consequences of data collection stemming from policies meant to criminalize sexual content, yeah?

This will continue unless we establish actual policies, education, and protections to prevent the mass surveillance of adult spaces under the pretense of "decency" and "protecting children." Additionally, we must address the ongoing elimination of healthy and safe spaces for children.

Because in our govt's haste to claim their concern for children, the corporations they serve have been demolishing child spaces and media online to save a couple of bucks (Cartoon Network's website comes to mind), and pushing children into adult spaces. And if they're not pushing kids into adult spaces, they're inviting adults into so-called kid spaces to increase their profits (Roblox and its attempts to become anything but a game for children, to say nothing of their monetization of the ideas that kids make).

Until our culture/society overhauls its approach to sex education, divorced from white supremacy, the actual intention of creating spaces that aren't sex-negative and don't prey on uninformed children will probably always exist in short bursts.

That means our politic has to rid itself of the reactionary ilk that (a) demonizes all things sexual and (b) refuses to practice discernment and critical thinking in their so-called sex-positive spaces. Both are why places like AO3 manifest and then ultimately help no one.

And it does not help anyone that reactionary AO3 loyalists will always fight to keep conversations about the site politically and socially stunted and unchanging.

Not all censorship and moderation is or should be sex-negative or censorious to the point of infantilizing. But, if the goal is maintaining free speech and freedom of expression (as we like to think of it vs how the govt allows it), it cannot be to the detriment of itself or for the sake of it (i.e., anti-censorship is not the answer any more than autocratic censorship is).

[the-queen-and-the-king]

A little piece of paradise - 4

Summary: Aaron and Emily have decided to test themselves to be sure that they're healthy. Emily has received her results and Aaron has a very specific idea to celebrate them.

Characters: Aaron Hotchner and Emily Prentiss

Contents: smut, oral sex (f receiving), dirty talk, talk about oral sex NSFW/Minors DNI

This text will be an AU with a sudden canon-divergence. I wrote it when I was rewatching the show, so many chapters will be directly related to some episodes of season 4. There will be 28 chapters.

PS : English is not my mother language so they are necessarily mistakes. Sorry about that.

___

Read on AO3 / lire sur AO3

___

By mutual agreement, they quickly decided to undergo tests to ensure that they were not carriers of any sexually transmitted infection. So as not to arouse the suspicions of the team members, they had no choice but to take advantage of their Saturday to go together to a screening center. Emily had expected to be surrounded by teenagers, but the age range of those present went from minors to people older than them. Most of them were couples, others had probably been dragged there by their parents, and the last ones were alone. And everyone carefully avoided meeting the eyes of their galley-mates. While their presence was commendable – and deserved to be more widespread – they all knew what they were there for in the end.

An intention that the staff had the good grace not to display or note. Perhaps because the form they were asked to fill in was rather equivocal on the subject. Aaron, as embarrassed as she was to have to complete this particularly inquisitive questionnaire, approached the nurse seated behind the reception counter to find out if the results of these examinations would be passed on to their employer. In fact, among the required information, the profession was requested. Clearly, they couldn't both indicate that they were working for the FBI if the latter was then brought into the loop. Two such tests, carried out on the same date, in the same clinic, could only attract the attention of the HR director, who would then go and snitch to Strauss. However, the young woman assured him that this information would remain confidential, like all medical data. 

Reassured, he resumed his place beside her and began writing again. She imitated him, as relieved as he was. And then they waited, for a long time, for a doctor to come and take charge of them, separately, to question them again and take the necessary samples. In the end, the whole operation had taken four hours, but this approach would allow them to make love more freely, without being restricted by the number of condoms contained in the boxes they bought in turn. However, to do this, they had to wait for the results to come in. They had been told about weeks, and she felt as if months had passed before she received the mail at home. And she immediately jumped on her phone – bought so she could communicate with her lover without the Bureau spotting them – to announce them to her companion. For the time being, they only exchanged messages with.

I’ve got the test results. They’re negative.

Great! We can celebrate in style.

Did you get your results?

No. Not yet. But don't worry, I already know how I'm going to enjoy this good news with you.

Really?

I suggest we meet at my place tonight. Is it okay for you?

Sure! I can’t wait!

Me too.

She felt quite aroused by this exchange and found it difficult to behave normally for the rest of the day. Even more so when Aaron popped into the bullpen for one reason or another and her nose picked up the scent of his perfume. He had retained his customary stoic attitude, which might have annoyed her in a different context, but which, on the contrary, made her want to climb on him more than ever. The day seemed endless to her. She wanted so much to know what her lover had in store for her. She crossed her fingers that it would be a happy surprise.

When the hour finally struck, she restrained herself from letting her joy explode, and regretted all the more not having the ability to teleport. She followed Aaron's car home and parked nearby. Then she leapt from the cabin and rushed towards him. He saw her arrive smiling and welcomed her into his arms as if they hadn't seen each other in weeks – they'd slept together two days earlier and it was Wednesday. They kissed energetically, driven by the same thirst for each other. Hand in hand, they entered the hall, walked up the corridor to the last door and entered his home. He had barely closed the door when they left their belongings on the floor to share a fiery kiss. He quickly pinned her against the couch and slipped his hands under her tight purple top. She sat down on the back of the sofa and spread her legs to allow him to get closer. And he didn't hesitate to do so.

While he kissed her neck and caressed the arch of her back, she busied herself undressing him, taking off his jacket, untying his tie and unbuttoning his shirt. She was just unbuckling his belt when he stopped his attentions and lifted her into his arms. She hiccupped in surprise, but let herself go, clinging to his neck. He led her to the bed, where he gently laid her down. Their eyes met, shining with excitement. He pressed his lips to hers and their tongues mingled for a few moments. Then he detached himself from her, ventured down her neck, visited her cleavage without plunging fully into it, but pulled up her garment so that his mouth could rest on her navel. At the same time, his hands were undoing her pants.

She had understood what his objective was, and her lower belly reacted lively to the prospect. Up until now, apart from the usual lovemaking, they had been content to caress each other. She hadn't dared ask him if he was familiar with oral sex, but she'd soon get the answer. Tonight. Once he had removed her shoes, it didn't take him long to ensure that she had only her panties to cover her lower body. However, he didn't throw himself at her underwear, taking the time to grace her legs with multiple kisses and caresses. So much so that when he sent her lace waltzing around the room and his lips wrapped around her clitoris, she was on the verge of coming.

But the orgasm didn’t erupt right away. First, she took advantage of her lover's prowess, whose mouth and tongue worked miracles. He meticulously explored the nooks and crannies of her intimate anatomy, brushing over ridges large and small, surreptitiously insinuating himself into her den, lapping up the nectar that flowed from it and suckling her sensitive knob, before doing it all over again with the same diligence. Until she reached the point of no return, where the pleasure surged inside her unabated, making her repeat over and over again the name of the man who was doing her so much good. Ecstasy exploded between her thighs a handful of minutes after he'd laid her on the sheets, and her legs spasmed before her back returned onto the bed.

She released his hair, in which she had instinctively ended up clinging, and he moved away from her to lie down beside her. A satisfied smile lit up his face, probably as sparkling as her own.

“Are you okay?”

“What do you think?”

“I'm not in your body, I can't know for you.”

She rolled her eyes. She should have expected such a response from him. Aaron didn't trust the emotional part of his brain, only the rational. To answer him, she straightened up, led him to lie on his back and sat on him before kissing him for a long time.

“I’m going very well,” she added, delighted, her veins still tingling with endorphins. “And I can't wait for you to receive your results so I can return the favor.”

The giant's blissful expression immediately disappeared.

“What?” she worried on the spot.

“You know, there's no obligation...”

“Who said anything about obligation?” she retorted, surprised by this reaction.

“Just because I've just... given you pleasure orally doesn't mean you have to do the same.”

She didn't notice that he was incapable, with her, of using terms he regularly threw around without blinking at Quantico. She understood that as long as it involved both of them, he could be more of a prude.

“Aaron, I'm not doing this because I have to,” she asserted in her most confident tone, “but because I want to.”

He winced.

“What? Haley’s never done any to you?”

“No. It disgusted her.”

“Okay,” she conceded, starting to see the beginnings of his reflection. “But there’s no accounting for taste. Just because she didn't like it doesn't mean all women don't like it.”

“How can anyone like that?”

“Do you want me to remind you what you just did?”

He had licked up all the juice she had excreted without the slightest hesitation. From her point of view, the process was similar. But she was obviously the only one to share this opinion.

“It's got nothing to do with it,” he affirmed.

“Why? It's all about swallowing a secretion produced by your partner's genitals. A secretion that wouldn't have been produced if the other hadn't used their mouth and tongue to do it.”

She sounded like Spencer – except that the BAU cadet would probably never have uttered those words – but it was a necessary step. She had to appeal to his logical, pragmatic, almost scientific mind to make him understand that both practices were equally valid.

“Yes, except that…”

“That what?” she bounced as he remained silent.

“Let's just say... you can’t really choke me.”

She nodded, grasping what he was talking about.

“So, let me reassure you right away, you're not the first, so I know how to recognize the warning signs and I know what to do to avoid, well, choking.”

“And you don't mind?” he asked, still looking revolted.

“No. It's true that it's surprising the first time, but you get used to it.”

He watched her incredulously, not at all convinced by her words. She then questioned him:

“No one’s ever given you oral sex?”

“Y… yes,” he stammered, embarrassed. “Be… before I… I met Haley. But they… they had a sexuality… of their own.”

Emily didn't know what he was supposed to mean by this and made a mental note to ask him about it later.

“Did you know that women like sex too? That doesn’t make them nymphomaniacs.”

“Yes, I know. But believe me, they had an issue with that.”

“And so, you think that only lunatic women like to make this kind of treat?”

He didn't answer, but his eyes agreed. She sighed and smiled.

“I can't wait for you to get your results so I can prove you wrong.”

He regained his smile and a certain vitality. Reflexively, she looked down at her pubic bone before realizing that she was literally sitting on what she felt. She lifted her nose to give her companion a questioning look.

“What?” he croaked, unable to conceal his lecherous smile.

“It seems to be having an effect on you…”

“Sorry,” he said, suddenly contrite.

“Don’t apologize, you idiot. It doesn’t bother me. On a contrary.”

She leaned in to kiss him again, and he didn't push her away. She undulated along this visibly hardening bulge as his hands ran under her top, until they came to caress her breasts. He unhooked her bra as she reached under his T-shirt.

“Tell me there are more condoms,” she said, her excitement calling for more action.

He reached over to the bedside table, opened the drawer, and took out the box. He shook it and looked inside.

“There’s one left.”

She pondered for a moment, then her hunger for stupor short-circuited all her thoughts.

“Okay. We'll use it right away, and then you can do again what you did earlier.”

“I’m fine with that,” he added with a wry grin.

She almost slapped his face to teach him how to laugh at her at a time like this, but instead placed her lips on his. That evening, he propelled her twice more into seventh heaven. The tests results were definitely very good.

___

I hope you liked your reading. ^^

___

First chapter >> https://www.tumblr.com/the-queen-and-the-king/771016298484334592/a-little-piece-of-paradise-1?source=share

Next chapter >> https://www.tumblr.com/the-queen-and-the-king/773553021520084992/a-little-piece-of-paradise-5?source=share

[drdemonprince]

my thoughts and values align with yours re: STIs and risk AND i keep coming up against resistance to the recent discussions as a high-risk person still living almost entirely isolated amidst the ongoing pandemic. and when i take a second to breathe and think, i realize these are not conflicting at all. the friction isn't that i view illness morally or that i think we should avoid all risk. it's that the majority of folks without question take precautions to reduce STI exposure but the majority of people no longer consider doing the so minorly inconvenient precautions to reduce the spread of covid, which i would argue is much riskier than STIs at this point. and it's so exhausting because then i have to, based on my risk analysis of covid, take way more precautions because no one else is looking out for me. community care and harm reduction are my biggest driving values and i grieve how absent they are around me. i just wanted to share in case others are feeling similarly while reading this discussion. you rock and i so hope i get to engage in a beautiful public kinky scene some day.

Hey, thanks so much for sharing and walking us through your thought process.

What I might add is that individual people might not seemingly put much effort into COVID mitigation anymore because they have next to zero institutional support in doing so. Many of my disabled friends have to work in areas with a high risk of COVID exposure: waiting tables, stocking grocery store shelves, working as home health aids or phlebotomists, or teaching in schools. Some of them are high risk themselves, but because they have no choice but to work in areas where their life is put on the line, they have very high stress decompression needs and feel already resigned to their disposability in society, and so they do also go out to bars with their friends or hold parties or visit clubs.

I also know people who are able to socially distance quite strictly, test regularly, are vaccinated and boosted, but who intentionally make plans to visit cruising spaces or gay orgies very rarely so that they can remain relatively safe COVID wise but also not kill themselves out of despair (I'm not being hyperbolic here, that's exactly what some people have told me are the competing risks they face when they balance COVID exposure against isolation. And I know that many high risk populations face these same severe negative mental health outcomes too -- in fact, I know high risk people who choose to go out in public at times in order to remain sane, but who have to sit with the fact that it could be a mortal danger to do so).

I also think about how the queer community came together in the fight against AIDS to make condoms available, to educate one another about safer sex practices or harm reductionist practices, to engage in sex together in risk mitigating ways (such as gloved fisting) and how they pushed for the government to make drug treatment available to them. I see a lot of queer and disabled advocacy groups doing similar work today to spread accurate data on COVID as best they can, promote masking, organize solely outdoor events, encourage vaccination, and remind people of the stakes.

And I see such a massive gap between the ways in which risk mitigation was made possible through such community efforts, and how catastrophically the government fails us regarding COVID. We are not given free tests anymore. Vaccines aren't free anymore either. It is no longer a state of emergency. Many of us have been forced back into in-person work at our jobs. Our unemployment benefits have been cut. Student loan payments are roaring back into action. Disability benefits and medicare's expansion is rolling back. We no longer have accurate testing and tracing data. Masks are no longer required.

If a person wants to behave responsibly regarding COVID, how are they even supposed to? They can wear a mask in public and not experience in-person community to the extend they might like or need. But they can't actually prevent themselves from getting or spreading the virus because they've been forced back to work. I understand many people do not even take these small steps to reduce harm and that it is dismaying and outrageous. And I think you have ever right to feel outraged by it. But I also think individual behavior flows from social support and institutional pressure, and nearly all of that is heading in the wrong direction right now.

And I think about how collective the push for better government interventions regarding AIDS was, and how much the push regarding COVID instead is focused on targeting individual people for the actions they've made within a very unsupportive context. It was not beneficial to view individuals who had bareback sex or shot heroin as the origin of HIV, and I don't think it's helpful to understand COVID as a phenomenon of individuals failing to mask now.

Granted, it took HIV activism YEARS to get to the point of ACT UP. And we're not so many years deep into COVID yet comparatively. Personally when I look at all these facts in context I see a population that largely did take COVID seriously for a time, but who, due to a mix of institutional failure, mass misinformation, risk resignation, and despair, no longer do so in their behavior.

I don't believe in moralizing emotions and I think from your perspective you're affected by all these factors PLUS the massive risk of developing Long Covid symptoms or worse. And I know you know and live all this shit already so forgive me for preaching to the choir. But I do want to gently push back against the idea that most people don't care about COVID the way they care about STI's. I believe our discourse on both has been horrifically poisoned by individualism, capitalism, and institutional failure.

Some articles I have written on the subject:

[lifetimeshipper]

No End In Sight

Chapter 23

~~~~~~~~~~

"What do you mean it's empty?" Megatron asks as he glares at the two mechs that had recently returned with the cylinder.

"Lord Megatron, these cylinders are not unlike batteries," Knock Out begins explaining, "The data is stored within them as a form of energy. It scanned fully charged, that's how we located it to begin with, but now..." He trails off as he presses a digit against the cylinder which results in a puff of smoke to come out.

"Dead battery," Breakdown finishes for him.

"Did you drop it, you one-eyed oaf!?"

Breakdown raises his servos, "No, master, I wasn't gonna touch the thing after it put the zap on Bulkhead."

"Hey, you think...?" Knock Out started to ask before looking over at Megatron.

"I know, and I must find out what that vessel contained. When it comes to the secrets of the ancients, knowledge can be power," Megatron concluded before he turned to walk off, but Knock Out spoke up before he could get too far.

"Pardon me, my liege, I have a request to ask of."

Megatron stops walking and looks over his shoulder. "Ask quickly!"

"I would like to request the assistance of the femme in Med Bay after we turn her into a Decepticon."

"Breakdown is your assistant! Do you need another?"

"She could help us both out. After seeing the patchwork she did on Soundwave, I would really like to have her assistance in Med Bay."

Megatron thought it over for a second, he knows exactly what Knock Out is after, "As you probably already know I'll be giving her to Soundwave as a mate, being her mate all decisions regarding her will be up to him."

"I have heard. But I thought you were still in charge of all the decisions-"

"I'm still in charge of any decision regarding the mind control and what's to be done if she tries to escape again, but all other decisions will be up to Soundwave! So, say your request to him!" Megatron concluded before walking away.

"Do you think Soundwave will allow her to help us?" Breakdown asked Knock Out.

"I highly doubt it. Not after what I pulled."

"After what you pulled, she might get a sense of uneasiness around you even if she does forget it."

~~~~~~~~~~

Megatron walked onto the bridge to find Soundwave at a computer doing his work, "Soundwave!" He calls out to him. Soundwave stops what he's doing and walks over to him.

"I was just talking to Knock Out and Breakdown, Knock Out has requested that Arcee be placed in Med Bay as his helper after we use the coding to put her under my control. I told him that since I'm giving her to you as a mate, that decision will be up to you. You will decide what place and rank she'll be on this ship."

Soundwave just nods in appreciation before getting back to work. No way in pit will he ever allow Arcee to be Knock Out's assistant, he won't even allow her to be alone in a room with him... 

Why does he care for this femme so much? He's been with so many femmes, so many pleasure bots, back when he was a gladiator, but none of them got him feeling the way he does with Arcee.

He still remembers when he found out that she was on this planet. It had been years since his last encounter with her and he managed to make himself forget about her, but when he listened in and recorded a conversation between two Autobots, he recognized the female voice straight away. Just hearing her voice again made his spark do a flip, and he hated it. He despised himself for it. Getting feelings for an Autobot? That's completely out of the question. He shook off the feeling as he went to Starscream with the recording.

"The one called Arcee..."

When Starscream mentioned her name, Soundwave could feel those feelings return, the very same feelings he felt when he first encountered Arcee. Why is he getting these feelings for an Autobot femme when he's never gotten any such feelings for any other femme? That's a question he still hasn't been able to answer.

Even though he's now accepted the fact that he's in love with her, there's still a question of why, and he still despises himself a little bit. But at the same time, he's happy that pretty soon he will be mating with this femme that he loves...

Speaking of the femme. When was the last time she had some Energon? He should go give her some.

~~~~~~~~~~

"How is Bumblebee doing, Ratchet?" Optimus asks as he walks over to the medic who is checking Bumblebee's vitals.

"He's stable right now."

Optimus looks over at Bumblebee lying on the med berth hooked up to machines. "I should not have made the deal. I was too blinded by anger and determination to get Arcee back to realize that Megatron was playing us."

"Don't blame yourself, Optimus, we all went through with it in hopes of getting Arcee back, even though we knew that Megatron wasn't gonna give her up that easily. I still have faith that we will get her back and Bumblebee will recover and everything will go back to normal."

"I hope you're right, old friend, I really do hope you're right." Optimus looks over at Bulkhead, who is painting symbols on the metal they provided him. "How is Bulkhead?"

Ratchet gave a worried look as he walked over to the monitor to bring up the stats and image of Bulkhead's helm and processor, "This is Bulkhead's neuronet as you saw earlier." He presses a button, "This scan was recorded just moments ago." The two watch as the red runs through his processor, "It is as I feared... The data seems to be actively and aggressively rewriting Bulkhead's neuronet. I had hoped he was purging the data, but he seems to be merely transcribing it as it..."

"Consumes his mind," Optimus finishes for him.

"From all indications, by the time Bulkhead completes the formula, his own thoughts, his memories, could be wiped clean."

"With Arcee being held captive by the Decepticons and Bumblebee in stasis, we cannot afford to be down another soldier and team member. I will not allow another one of our own to be sacrificed, no matter the cost."

"If the living data transmitted itself from the cylinder, perhaps we can somehow coax it back inside. But how will we get it back from the Decepticons?"

Optimus gave a stern look. "Megatron will bring it to us."

"And just how are we supposed to take on Megatron? It's now just you and me."

"Leave it up to me."

Ratchet doesn't like this plan, but he knows better than to argue with Optimus.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Chapter 1

Next Chapter

[lisutarid-a]

[Gakuen K] Munakata Reisi Route Translation

Assisting the President of the Student Council Office

LIST OF CHAPTERS

[Translation under the cut]

Saya: --This is a program list for the school festival.

Munakata: Thank you. Next, please put together the applications for permission to use the classrooms there.

Saya: Okay, understood.

*A few moments later*

Saya: I put together the applications.

Munakata: Thank you. Next, please create a timetable for the event hall and the sports ground.

Munakata: I think we can use last year's data, could you please check?

Saya: I got it.

Munakata: When you are done with that, could you please deliver the documents to Awashima-sensei?

Saya: Okay.

*Many hours later...*

Saya: (Whoa…It's already dark outside)

Awashima: Huh, I was thinking about the lights being on…I see the President is still working, right?

Munakata: I have a lot of things that need to be done today, so it will take a little bit longer.

Awashima: That's so…Please be careful not to push yourselves too hard, both of you.

Munakata: Thanks for your concern.

Munakata: We hope to announce all the details at the end of the week.

Awashima: Understood. Well, I'll leave the key to you, so could you please lock the door?

Munakata: Got it. …Excuse me, Awashima-sensei.

Awashima: Yeah, what is it?

Munakata: Could you please sign this? I have some documents that I'd like you to look over.

Awashima: Understood. I'll verify them.

Awashima: Is that all?

Munakata: Yeah, thank you. Sorry for holding you back.

Awashima: It's fine. It's dark outside, please be careful going home.

Saya: Okay, thank you.

Munakata: Well, let's get back to work, shall we? We have a list of equipment needed, so please take a look at it and prepare the application.

Saya: Okay, understood. Um, how much longer are we going to work today?

Munakata: Until the end of today's work.

Saya: U-Understood!

Saya: (Let's do our best to finish it as soon as possible!)

Munakata: Could it be that you had plans?

Saya: No, it's not a big deal, don't worry.

Saya: (I can't tell him there was a TV show I wanted to watch…Work comes first!)

Munakata: I see. Sorry to keep you up late.

Saya: No! It's just that my work is taking too much time. I'll try to do it more efficiently.

Munakata: You are doing your best. It is inevitable because of the amount of work you had to do in the first place.

Saya: Senpai…Thank you.

Munakata: It's already dark, I'll walk you back to your dormitory when it's time to go home.

Munakata: But I don't know if I can finish before the date changes…Though I think it's just barely manageable.

Saya: Is it really going to take that long?

Munakata: …Or should we just stay the night?

Saya: Eh…?

Saya: (Stay the night, just the two of us?)

Munakata: Right, tomorrow is Saturday, and I have permission to use the student council chambers all weekend long.

Munakata: And we can proceed without losing time in getting here from the dormitory.

Munakata: If we work together until tomorrow morning, we'll certainly finish it.

Choice: Understood ❤︎

Saya: U-Understood. Let's work hard all night today!!

Munakata: Oya, you are very motivated.

Saya: Yeah! I learned from senpai before.

Munakata: …? What's that?

Saya: Senpai said that if you put things off until later, you'll find yourself in trouble later, so I decided to follow your example.

Saya: So I want to finish it first.

Munakata: You…really remembered that, didn't you?

Saya: Oh, but I didn't bring a toothbrush or a towel for washing my face…The store is closed, right?

Choice: Staying night is a bit…

Saya: I think that's true, but staying the night here is a bit too much…

Saya: (That means I and Munakata-senpai have to sleep together here…)

Munakata: I see…I thought it would be more efficient if we could alternate sleep and not lose any time for meetings.

Saya: (Senpai told me before that it's not good to put off work, so I guess I should stay the night)

Saya: I-I got it. I'm staying!

Munakata: Hah…You don't have to make that face. It's all a joke. I think the day will be over soon.

Saya: Eh! Is that so? Could it be that "barely manageable" is also a joke…?

Munakata: I mean, that I almost managed with it.

Saya: (I wonder if he was making fun of me…?)

Munakata: Now, let's focus on the last spurt, shall we?

[Prev chapter][Next chapter]

[ask-captain-anya]

Heyyy Anya, it's Steph !

I could address the trauma thing with you and Curly, cause I'm worried about you, but. I feel like there's already enough people dragging you around with that, so uh. Here's an attempt at diving into lighter topics, I guess ?

So. My friend Ryan borrowed a disk at the store today, and I made the eyeroll of the century because like always, he didn't pick music. No, this dork instead listens to bird calls recordings all day ! Am I being dramatic ? Maybe. Still, one can only handle so many birds for so long !

And before you ask, no, I'm not telling him about all the bird talk in your messages. I like birds too, but I don't want my phone saturated by his infodumping, thank you !!

Wait, I should mention I'm the one handling the record store ! Never told you where I worked, did I ? Well now you know.

There's also a radio booth in it, to which I'm a host and DJ at the same time. Now you could be thinking "but Steph, that's like three jobs for one person !" well consider this : I live in a town so small it might as well be called Nowheresville, so the store is consequently just as small. Also it pays well, so I'm good. No worries !

Oh and before I forget... y'know, I keep wondering how this whole dataleak of yours even reached my phone. You guys never figured that one out, right ? That's probably low on your list of priorities rn but hey, I'm not complaining. I think you and Curly are cool so I'm glad we can talk, even accidentally. Smiley face.

HELP this got very long, maybe I'm the one infodumping actually haha.

Ur awesome. Love,

- Steph

Well, I for one think that bird calls are an excellent background noise! They're so peaceful, honestly. Lets me pretend I'm outside and surrounded by them. Your friend seems to understand that peace. Wink.

As for the data leak.. At this point, I don't know if we'll ever figure it out. After all, it could be very much related to PE. It could be the phone companies.

I would see if getting a new phone would work, but I don't exactly have the money for that either.

I truly hope you don't get overwhelmed with your work! It sounds like a lot, but is it truly work if you're doing what you love?

With Love, Anya

[crplpunkklavier]

Hey there! I might be applying for a PhD program in Germany next year and I was wondering if there was anything about Germany that's normal for natives but foreigners are confused about that you'd like to share? For instance, I was once told virtually nothing in Germany opens on Sundays, things like that <3

that's correct yeah, definitely get your shopping done BEFORE sundays and official holidays, because all stores will be closed. that includes places like pharmacies and doctor's offices! if you have a medical emergency on a weekend it's basically like having one in the middle of the night, so you'll have to find your local emergency numbers to call. the only places that ARE open on sundays/holidays are gas stations and some kiosks, so if you just need drinks and/or snacks, you're fine.

every bottle or can you buy that has this symbol on it:

you can return at stores with Pfandautomaten. theyre machines in grocery stores that you can feed your bottles/cans into, and they print a receipt that you hand over at the register, and youll get a little bit of money back. depending on what it was, it can be like 25 ct per can or something. its money you already paid when you bought it, so you dont get free money or anything, but its nice. also my non-german spouse just loves standing in front of those machines and watching.

our infrastructure is pretty bad in comparison to, like, most other industrialized places lol. its highly unlikely that there will be public wifi where you are, so get set up with a sim card asap. reception/data might still be pretty bad if youre not in a big city. the plus side of how backwards we still are about many things is that germans still looove cash. there will be places that do not take cards. usually its smaller places like bakeries or a farmers market stand. but it will happen

do go to a bakery whenever you can. you can get bread rolls for 30 cents and entire loaves for 3 bucks. theyre good!

there will be no a/c unless youre in a store or in a place with properly funded trains/trams. no residential buildings have a/c. i will be very surprised if your university does

if youre moving into any sort of student housing deal you might not have to deal with this, but if you're going to rent an apartment here, chances are it won't have a kitchen, and potentially it won't have flooring either. you have to get that yourself. it then ~belongs to you~ and you can take it with you when you move again, or try to sell it to the next tenant, and apparently people think that thats a good way to do this? i dunno lol. you can get kitchens at ikea. i'm sorry.

i'm not entirely sure where you're from, but if you don't get cold winters there then it might be worth to read up generally on how to dress for central european winters. you're not going to get fully snowed in unless you're moving all the way south to the alps, but we get snow sludge pretty much everywhere, and temperatures will drop to around 0° celsius.

april and may will feel crazy. you'll get 27°c one day and a thunderstorm will cool things down to 10° the next day.

most people speak english! we learn it in school. some will be apprehensive to do it, many will have a thick accent. but you will probably get through to people if your german isn't solid enough yet.

we have a large turkish population! try their food, go to their supermarkets, it's worth it!

good luck!! i will rb this if i think of anything else <3

[olivermajor226]

CHOPPER MONOLOGUE

From ArtBomb, chapter 2. I just...it's been so long since I've been able to write him, and of course I'm pulling this out of context, but I think it stands alone enough, and Chopper should get the credit he deserves for this rant.

Sorry, Cass. Whatever goose chase Eirtae sent you and Kay on, well, uh, let’s just say the goose chase she took me on started far earlier. Like this morning. At 400 hours. And it started with calling me over and over, basically throwing a metaphorical stiletto at my head, so uh, little busy right now, and I’m already in deep shit with the other Mr. Syndulla, because we had, well, other plans today, important plans. But when a woman you respect with all your stupid synthetic life asks you to take her off-world, or rather threatens that stupid synthetic life if you don’t take her to Coruscant this instant , I mean, you do the chivalrous thing, yeah? Shit. Probably said too much. Don’t…don’t read too much into that, okay?  

You’re telling me Eirtae was on Coruscant this morning? Cassian asks in code, just because he’s pretty certain, then, Chopper did not get the heads up about the Semantics program. 

And he’s just telling Cassian everything.  

Even as he stands, still looking at the painting, he smiles triumphantly. That got anything to do with her secret plans for today? Cassian toys. 

I can neither confirm or deny…. 

But I just saw her, Cassian baits him

And it’s then he strikes gold.

Well, duh, Captain. Gods, I forgot you’ve like been literally nowhere since the Empire. No double and triple jumps anymore, Andor. We’re an inner rim system. It’s one jump, and only takes like twenty minutes to get to Coruscant, at most. It was actually really fucking bizarre and wild. She told me I wasn’t allowed to ask questions, and anyway, we end up at her favorite department store, and when someone tried to tell Eirtae I couldn’t go in, well, uh, I fear her wrath. She went on a twenty-minute tangent about how I was a decorated war veteran, and when that didn’t work she commed the retired Mon Mothma herself and let her give a piece of her mind to the sad little sixteen-year-old speciest mall cop. It was brutal. Then we’re the fanciest fucking store of my fucking life, just she and me, ol’ C1-10P, tracking dirt into the place, probably, and she’s charging all kinds of shit to her mother’s credit account, saying things like, “we need to defund the wealthy Chop. That’s how you take down the kriffing system.” Then when we were by the loading docks Eirtae tried to…liberate the loading bay droids, right there on the docking platform. Like right then and there. Actually convinced one of them, like the only barely sentient one of the bunch, who is honestly so fucking confused right now. I mean this bastard’s just your basic service droid, maybe a week into understanding he’s something separate from the boxes he’s loading into the Courier, and in his kriffing face is this beautiful, fiery woman delivering this passionate speech about how he’s her equal and deserving of rights and love and he already as her undying respect. Like this lucky son of a bitch who looks like a box, loading boxes, and he tells me he’s been online two weeks and in this once in a billion shot the angelic Eirtae Alniyat herself chooses to grace Coruscant with her presence, which I know she hated doing. Like it was really fucking hard for her to go back there, Cass, and he’s the only one she has time to save so she points to him and says, “you.”  

Chopper’s still going, but Cassian is already laughing out loud to himself, unable, truly, to believe what Chopper’s saying, save for the fact there are all these random snippets of his data of everything, although just visual, because say what you want about him, Chopper tells one hell of a story.

Then she apologizes, fucking apologizes, Cassian! And asks if he has kriffing autonomy, and of course each and every choice should be his. And he’s not so much an idiot he doesn’t directly load his own ass right onto my ship as soon as all the furniture is fucking loaded. And that’s when this woman turns to me and says, “Well, if it all blows up in my face, at least we did one thing right today, Chop. Gods, I love rebelling. Now let’s jump to lightspeed!” And I’m like, “yes, heh, adorable and all, love, but lets leave the fucking landing platform first, but also good idea about hauling ass because we just straight up stole this droid, from a soulless  corporation or not.” Like seriously Andor what in the fucking hell? Who is this fucking woman all the sudden?

Cassian is cracking the fuck up, laughing his ass off out loud, as Chopper keeps going. 

And of course ever since we got back Mr. Luckiest Box Alive keeps following me the fuck around and I don’t know what the fuck to do with him, Cassian. Because Eirtae’s got me on like five thousand errands, promising some shit about a surprise party and how everyone should believe in magic and there’s gold at the end of this kriffing rainbow if I help her and boy did my mind go to dirty places— I can’t help it I’ve had a crush on her forever and she’s so fucking beautiful and special. And even though I laid that all to rest a lonnng way back, really thought I had, today I’ve never seen her so…enraged with the fiery burn of a cause in all my fucking life and so she was just pushin’ allllll my right metaphorical buttons—then she looks at me dead in the optics like now she’s a Jedi fucking mind reader, points at me and says, “Two words for you, you smarmy astromech. Data. Sharing.” And I’m like what in the fucking hell?! So you know I log onto the old awful Network rumor mill and low and behold, what do I find out? Cassian Fucking Andor snogged our only monogamist Eirtae Alniyat and she got angry, slapped him then shoved him into some flower bed or some shit. And before I ask you if any of that’s true I gotta say, you broke this box’s motherfucking heart, because he was pretty sure his future included a lifetime with her, and he won’t shut up about it now, and like I can’t shake him, Cass. I can’t shake him! So either I’ve lost my touch, the whole galaxy’s gone wrong again, or he’s actually a kriffing genius because he’s worse than a motherfucking TIE-defender. And it’s all your fucking fault!!!

[thegodthief]

Dreamt I was at work and work was being an extra special shit show. A surprise power outage just made everything worse and some of the staff had either not shown up for work or fucked off for the day.

I was at the front desk trying to salvage some semblance of civility in the face of a family that was pissed as hell that their favorite grocery store had gone out of business with no warning, and somehow that was my workplace's responsibility. (Spoiler: it's not. The clients are just that demanding and entitled in the waking.)

Suddenly, there were another pair of hands available as someone came behind the desk and started helping me with data entry and paperwork. Together, we got the hot mess at the front resolved and I got the clearance to lock the front door and declare the office closed for the day.

I turned to the mysterious helper. I have never seen her before. Come to think of it, her appearance keeps changing even as I'm staring at her. I realize that I have the taste of metal in my mouth.

"Hello, Traveler. It's been a while since I have encountered others."

She smiles. "No, it's been a while since you started letting yourself be aware of others."

Ouch. She's right.

She laughed at my silent agreement. "You have this dream settled, so I'm going to let you get some rest. We'll meet again, I'm sure."

I meant to ask her name, or some kenning to know her by, but the moment I thought of asking it, I already knew the answer.

Advena.

I could feel the language it came from slipping around my tongue: Latin.

She smiled at my recognition. Without words, she told me that our encounters were not complete but I still had more to learn about her, and about myself. She banished herself from my dream with her own bright laughter.

So now, it's day, and I'm awake and making it everyone else's problem. I get a chance to sit down and look up what the word advena means in Latin.

Noun: advena m or f (genitive advenae); first declension 1. outsider, foreigner, stranger, alien. Synonyms: aliēnus, aliēnigena, peregrinus Source: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/advena#Latin

Oh.

It's gonna be that way, then.

We'll see how this turns out.

[jamiesugah]

I'm on a family cell phone plan with my parents. Yesterday after 18 years with Verizon, they texted that we were switching to T-Mobile and I needed to get to a store as soon as possible to switch my sim card.

I asked how soon was soon, because my parents constantly forget that just because they're retired doesn't mean the rest of us don't have work. They told me it didn't need to be right away but it had to be soon.

Then like two hours later, my mom called me on Facebook Messenger, which it's damn fortunate I actually have on my phone (I didn't for a long time), to tell me that they switched my number early and I needed to get to a store asap because I wouldn't have cell service until I did. Not like I have a fucking job or anything, or that I was at work when they called. Not like I don't need 2-factor authentication for EVERYTHING I use at work.

So after work I went to the nearest T-Mobile store and they switched my sim card. Calls and texts are back, yay! Immediately call my parents, both of their phones are off.

By the time I get home, I realize I don't have data. And I can't send or receive texts in group threads. I text my mom to tell her this, she asks me if I'm still at the store. Two hours later? No, I'm fucking not. She tells me to go back in the morning. I HAVE A JOB. T-Mobile stores don't open until 10am, which is when my shift starts, and I'm not in the office today, so I would be going into a different store.

Dad texts this morning and tells me to restart my phone, which I have already done like four times. Then he tells me I should call the tech who did their switchover, since it was "her blunder" that caused my number to be switched early. I. AM. AT. WORK.

I shouldn't complain, because my parents still pay this bill and as someone paycheck-to-paycheck, it's a huge relief to have one bill that isn't mine. But I got no notice on the switch and then they messed it up and now I have to fix it. AND WE'RE GOING TO ALL BE TOGETHER IN SIX WEEKS AND COULD HAVE EASILY DONE THIS THEN.

Or, you know, we could have planned this better so that we could go into the store at the same time, even though we live in different states, and do this all at once, instead of me scrambling to catch up because I don't merit any consideration in this situation at all.

[rainbows-caught-on-film]

Actually....yes.

I lost like six years of my life because a traumatic event sent my already dissociated ass right out of my own body, and only my alters fronted for that ENTIRE time period.

And then all of the sudden, I was living again. And I had no idea who I was; how had I changed? Had I changed? I couldn't even tell what basic likes and dislikes were mine, what my opinions on stuff or thoughts on religion were, anything. I actually have some posts somewhere alluding to this.

I wished there was a guide on how to become myself and couldn't find one; but now I can give everyone else one, instead.

Alright, step one is understanding what a "real person" is.

You need to know what makes someone a person in order to develop a feeling of actually being one. Think about what you say when describing the kind of person someone is, and write those CATEGORIES down. Examples can be:

Likes/Dislikes

Hobbies

Principles (core beliefs)

Hopes

Fears

Goals

Political affiliation

Favorite things

Now, this is important;

I'M NOT EXPECTING YOU TO KNOW WHAT THESE ARE FOR YOU RIGHT NOW.

I personally couldn't name a single like or dislike in the beginning, or even a hobby, and those are some of the "easiest" options. A lot of people I asked for advice when I said I had no sense of self just told me "well what are your hobbies?", so I understand that people generally expect you to just know this shit off the dome, but I'm not expecting or wanting that.

The reason we are writing these down isn't because we will know what these are, it's because we're going to make a checklist and run EXPERIMENTS to FIND those things, and these categories will influence what checkboxes we come up with.

Our goal with these general ideas is to figure out what our answers in those categories are- it's just a way to focus our efforts into what'll make us feel most "whole" and like a person again.

Now, step two: time to make it "specific, measurable, and actionable"

That "specific, measurable, and actionable" slogan is advice people give for basically any vague goal, and it works here too. You need to break goals down into specific plans, and be able to take an action towards your goal, and be able to know when it's complete so you can feel/see the progress your making and so you know when to switch tasks. "know what my likes or dislikes are" is a vague goal. But:

"Try a new food every day and write down my thoughts"

"Watch five YouTube videos on new things and test how I react"

"list three likes and dislikes" (then up the number as you go until satisfied)

Are all specific actions you can take, and easily be able to tell when you've completed them.

Basically anything you can think of can be boiled down to specific things you can check off as you goal, but most "self discovery" things will require:

Step 2.5: Explore

Go to a store and try on lots of different styles of clothing, even if you can't afford to buy anything. Listen to as many music genres as you can. Watch movies and podcasts and TV shows in as much variety as you can. Talk to lots of different people, and experiment with different amounts of social interaction on different days.

You are collecting information about yourself by being an active, attentive scholar in how your brain and body respond to different things. The more stimuli you give yourself, the more data you have to work with. People respond differently to different situations, and the more angles you see yourself in, the better you'll understand yourself.

Think of it like you're a scientist, studying an animal and running tests (see, there's a reason I phrased this whole thing as "running tests" earlier!!). You want to learn as much about this creature as possible, and you're poking and prodding it in all sorts of ways to see what makes it tick.

You're going to study yourself like a zooologist encountering a "you" creature for the first time; because really, that's what's happening. When you go from having no sense of identity or self to being a "real person", you're discovering yourself and meeting yourself for the first time.

Let's use an example, talking about this journey in terms of experiments.

The Jenneca creature- that's me!- has constantly picked up many tasks and busy work, even WHILE doing the self-study, and I've lost sleep or put of dinner in pursuit of a goal. I avoid doing nothing for long periods of time, or leaving something unfinished. This data leads to the conclusion that this creature is highly goal oriented and driven, and I'll stop at nothing to do what I decide I want to do, even when that backfires. I respond well to Mac and Cheese in food testing, and not well to Mustard. I've shown a positive reaction to various kinds of music, starting with 2000s and 2010s pop hits and then also having a spike of endorphins with emo music (both Midwest emo and pop punk), scene music, rap, musical theatere, and artists like Regina Spektor and Mindy Gledhill (what IS that genre even called, anyway?). Negative reactions to music are rare and usually confined to specific individual songs, so there is either insufficient data for music dislikes, or I'm just very adaptive.

Step Three: Activate Annoying Toddler "why?" Mode

Question EVERYTHING, because it can lead you to way bigger discoveries; and maybe even help your mental health in general.

I realized I was getting really uncomfortable and anxious whenever a sex related song came on, even if it was an artist I liked or even a song I was nostalgic for. I decided to ask WHY and really sit with that feeling. It wasn't disgust, I realized, but fear. A nauseating dread. I thought long and hard about why I was feeling this way, what thoughts were linked to this reaction- and eventually I realized that it wasn't asexuality like it seemed like at first glance, but a truama response: I have sexual trauma from a young age, and now sex being generally around me makes me anxious and uncomfortable. But I know that it isn't directed at me, and also that even if someone DID like me it wouldn't be an attack, so I asked WHY again, and discovered I had deep rooted internalized misogyny about being born in a female body. Somewhere along the way I had absorbed the idea that my body meant I was "for" sex, the same way scissors and knives are "for" cutting; that I was a tool to be used and that my biology was a cage trapping me in that role forever. Sexual interest or even mentions of sex, then, became a trigger of cosmic dread about fate/being locked into a role as an object, and a feeling of being un-personed.

YIKES.

But now that I knew the problem, I could FIX IT. And I started trauma journaling and researching, making logical arguments against every doubtful thought and belief that I caught festering so I could tear them down and rip those hurtful ideas out of my heart.

In the end, I knew myself better for it; WAY better. And I also finally was able to break one of the chains my childhood trauma had placed on me.

Look for roots in your data. When you notice you respond a certain way to something, ask why. Even if you don't find some serious issues that need fixing or something, you could still learn even MORE information:

"I don't like Mustard" when I apply "why" to it, becomes "it hurts my mouth with how sour/bitter/spicy (? What IS that flavor) it is", which becomes "I'm really sensitive to flavours, and strong sour, bitter or spicy foods feel like they hurt because of my sensory issues." So now instead of having the knowledge:

I don't like Mustard

I have the knowledge:

I don't like mustard

I have sensory issues with taste

Really spicy food is probably not going to be my thing

Really sour food is probably ALSO not going to be my thing

Very Bitter food? Probably not gonna be my thing.

My response to sensory issues is the same one I have for actual pain

Repeat all these steps, tracking your progress as you go, and paying attention. Eventually, as you keep at it, you'll feel like a person again.

has anyone figured out how to be a real person yet

[thebutterflyeffectarchives]

Listening to this song ready to start telling a story, as humans do, about my life. I had just finished cheesy eggs in a tortilla and sat there in my dimly lit living room and savored each bite. In "Thinking Fast and Slow" by Daniel Kahneman, he had said there was a study where they found that french women find more satisfaction from their food than American women because they aren't multi-tasking while eating. So, in french style, I suppose, I sat there and thought about the particles of my eggs. I closed my eyes and tasted. While I chewed, I looked around at my plants, books, and the skeleton named jinkies whom always makes me happy. The whole act was yummier so I suppose there may be some truth to that with the one trial I have attempted on myself... hardly good data but there I go.

Earlier, I climbed my heart out. There is this pink 12- that I am so close to finishing. I am so passionate about it and I constantly steal looks in between climbs l...I love having a project again. I'm making progress and am already able to climb up and down 8s and 9s. Soon, maybe, I can climb down 10s and 11s like I used to. I've been climbing like a monkey, swinging from side to side while listening to R&B which has been my genre of choice to climb to as of late. I saw Atlanta after my climb and we spent over an hour discussing intelligence, civilization, language, and power structures. It was a delight. I love breaking down subjects with humans. It is rare that I get to do so, though, I will say the Universe has sent me more souls to ponder life's deepest treasures lately. When I have opened myself to what god/universe/creator has in store for me, I have found so many gifts.

I started this new biography called "We Will Be Jaguars" by Nemonte Nenquimo. She was part of the Waorani tribe found in the Amazonian areas in Ecuador and so far, from what I understand in the book, she documents her experiences growing up in the jungle and being introduced to Christian missionaries who brought sickness to her people. I don't really like to read full synopsis of books just like I don't like to read climbs before I climb them. I like to not assume how it will end - sort of with everything in life perhaps. Hearing of this women's experiences is fascinating. She mentions places I've been to and it was neat to imagine the different animal life and her ancestors walking the same paths, maybe, that I did. When I went to Ecuador, I swam in tucked away pools in the Amazon forest near the small city of Coca. I spent alot of time alone in the jungle and with kids talking in Spanish about what their life was like. I remember this one child in particular named Charlie. He reminds me now of Ezra and was so intelligent. He would walk with me and explain different parts of his culture to me. Years later, hearing this woman's experiences is fascinating. She was talking about how she went to this missionary lady named Rachel who would give the girls dresses who would go to church. She wouldn't give you a dress if you didn't go. Before she received a dress, she said she would walk around naked in then jungle in her favorite pair of red underwear. She talked about how her baby brother would feed the monkey near them and how she told him not do so because the monkey needed to learn to feed herself.. and because she liked watching the way the monkey would pull apart insects- I found that last part very wonderful. Why? It's very human and honest.

I'm still reading through my Zen book and scribbling notes on all the pages like this one:

I was thinking this morning, staring out at the dusty white mountains and watching another season change into itself how odd it is that so many years have gone by. I swear it was just 2020 seconds ago and we all wondered if maybe the world was ending.

I've been struggling with aspects of my past and present that I still feel too sore to write about. Some days are better than others but I'm still in a state of shock. I am am allowing myself to feel the feels. I cannot be ashamed of that. I must show up honestly. I won't feel good living otherwise.

Otherwise, I am joyful. This baby inside of me kicks. What a strange thing it is to grow a human!

Off to fart around, literally, and play piano maybe or write a poem.

[passerine-writes]

Silent Sparks - Volt 82

Warnings: It's a small filler chapter cause next chapter is the start of the raid!! Word count: 1946

Notes: Italics - Tsukare signing Bold italics - Family member/friend signing 'Italics with apostrophes' - Thoughts

Masterlist

Volt 81 | Volt 83

My first day back to class was uneventful. Dad and I sparred in front of most of the class. I used my inhaler once during the entire match, but he deemed he felt comfortable with me going on the mission.

The call came the next day in the middle of the night.

My phone buzzed on my chest, Denki sound asleep on my laptop and I rushed to get my shoes on. Midoriya and I left our rooms at the same time and only gave each other a nod while we rushed to the elevator. Kirishima, Uraraka and Tsu standing in the commons with their phones.

"Alright. You too?" Kirishima asked us.

"We got it." Tsu confirmed.

"It's happening." Midoriya said.

"Hey, you okay? Did you sleep last night?" Denki asked as I came down to the commons to eat breakfast.

"Yeah, I got a little bit of sleep in." I told him lackadaisically.

"What's going on?" He asked gently, careful not to draw anyone's attention to us.

"I'll explain later, I promise. I can't talk about it right now." I told him softly while looking into his eyes. He took a breath but nodded and dropped it.

Kirishima, Midoriya, Uraraka, Tsu and I sat in silence, all of us mentally preparing for today. I gave my brother a hug and Denki a quick kiss and soon left with the others to Nighteye's agency.

"They're keeping this Eri girl in their stronghold?" Rock Lock asked incredulously.

"And by stronghold, you mean..." Fat Gum trailed off.

"The headquarters of the Hassaikai. It's their leader's residence." Ryukyu confirmed.

"So you're tellin' me all that time we spent investigating was for nothing then?" Rock Lock jabbed.

"Not at all, we gained plenty of new information as well." Nighteye corrected.

"How'd you confirm she was there?" Fat Gum asked quickly. I bit back my laughter as Nighteye pulled out Gung-Ho! Glitter Squad 10! box.

"A member of the Hassaikai visited a nearby department store the other day. He purchased a toy favored by young girls." Nighteye stated casually.

"What?"

"That's pretty sparkly." Rock Lock said.

"Listen, maybe the guy just likes cutesy stuff. Different strokes for different folks, Nighteye." Fat jumped in. "You wanna tell us what you're doin' with one, though?"

"Yes. I was there when he made the purchase and overheard his conversation with the store clerk." He explained how he used his foresight on the guy and saw Eri.

"You ended up using Foresight anyway?" Rock Lock jabbed.

"If you recall, I said I'd use it when our path was more certain." Nighteye stated calmly.

"Whatever, this means we've got the data we need, right?" Fat Gum interjected.

"Yes. And we know for sure when they'll be there thanks to our stakeouts." Centipeder confirmed.

"We also worked with the police and already got a warrant to search the place!" Bubble Girl told us happily. "Next step..."

"... is to barge in there!" Fat Gum exclaimed.

"So what's the deal with ginger back here?" Rock Lock asked, turning around from the front to look at me.

"And that means?" I replied dully.

"Last time you went out and these guys were involved, they almost killed you." I sighed at the statement while everyone turned to me in silence.

"Yeah, they almost killed me. Had Fat Gum radio the school so I could say my goodbyes and everything. I don't believe that was just the Hassaikai though. They're working with the League, we can assume that much. As we are all well aware, the League has an interest in me. My bet is they persuaded the Hassaikai to help trap me or take me out, especially since Kirishima and I caught the guy who shot Sun Eater. For what reason, I'm not sure. But I can almost guarantee that the news coverage pissed off the League a lot." Rock Lock took a few steps forward, arms crossed over his chest.

"What makes you say that, Shortstack."

"Shigaraki is a power hungry, egotistical maniac with a loathing for heroes. He wants attention. He functions much like a toddler having a tantrum, that doesn't mean we should underestimate him though. So if he was behind that, or had anything to do with it, the fact that he got zero recognition, it would send him into a frenzy. He thrives off of chaos, whether it be in society or the chaos he makes. I'm aware of the risks, I'm not daft, but my only concern at this moment is getting that girl out of there. And it's Sonus, not Shortstack." Rock Lock licked his lips and nodded, dropping the issue right then and there.

I stood off to the side as Mirio worked on cheering up and pep talking with my classmates, Amajiki looking at him lovingly.

'They're cute together.' I thought to myself, mostly focusing on keeping my heart rate calm.

I followed everyone to the men's locker room, my suit having been repaired fully since the last time. I felt stray eyes on my back, and I already knew who they belonged to without looking up as I got in my costume.

"What?" I asked dryly.

"I- How did you..." Rock Lock trailed off.

"Just because I don't have my glasses on doesn't mean I don't have eyes in the back of my head. What do you need?" I asked again, my tone colder.

"I just wanted to say, it was nothin' personal back there." I scoffed under my breath and popped my glasses on.

"Sure it wasn't." He looked taken aback by my comment. "You don't feel like you can trust me cause I'm a kid. Personally, I couldn't care less who you are. I don't care about your age, your fighting style, who you like, what you look like, what your quirk is, none of it. As long as I know at the end of the day you're gonna have my back out there, couldn't care less about any of that. You saw my scars in person, so what? Now you're convinced I'll have your back and you feel the need to tell me because you felt bad?" He sighed and hung his head for a moment, waiting until I turned to face him.

"You're a good kid, you have a good head on your shoulders. You got morals and I can respect that. So, Sonus, next time work studies come around, I'd be proud if you reached out to me." He said, handing out a card to me. I let a small smile slip as I grabbed it and tucked it into my hero costume.

"Glad to know you aren't rescinding your offer from the Sports Festival." I told him, the two of us starting to walk out of the locker room.

"You saw that I sent you an offer? I'm sure you got loads."

"Almost four thousand to be more precise." He looked at me baffled.

"And through all those, you remembered mine?" He asked in arrogant disbelief. I sent him a cheeky smile and tapped my temple with my index finger.

"Don't forget, high IQ, gotta use it for something." He sighed and shook his head.

"Well played."

"Now then. Let's begin." Nighteye said before we all left, gathering in front of the police station at 8 am.

"As you know, Nighteye was able to use his quirk on a Hassaikai member. Through it, he saw underground facilities, and we believe them to be this Yakuza group's headquarters." The lead officer on the case started, briefing us and all of the cops behind him. "We were also able to confirm that the girl we're trying to rescue is currently being held in one of the rooms there. Although we were unable to map out the entire layout of the underground hallways, we believe the man Sir Nighteye saw took the shortest route to our target. This is the best intel we have at the moment concerning the Hassaikai's stronghold. It's the basis of this mission. Stay smart. These guys are dangerous, and we can expect them to bring their quirks against us, full force. We're passing around a list of current Hassaikai members and their quirks according to our registration databases. Commit this to memory."

"It's solid information to have on hand. Thank you for this." One of the heroes in the front said, an officer handing me a paper. I gazed over it, remembering the key points as best as I could.

"We don't wanna give them time to hide." The detective stated. "Our aim is to identify and apprehend all members as quickly as possible while securing our target."

"Things are moving fast now, huh?" Kirishima asked excitedly.

"Yeah, just remember to stay more focused than me and you'll be alright." I told him.

"You two are energetic, considering how early it is." Amajiki commented.

"Bold of you to assume I slept after we got the message this morning." I said sarcastically.

"I'm getting nervous." Uraraka expressed.

"No joke, first detective work, and now we're cooperating with the police. There's so much I don't know. Onryo seems to be the only one in our class who understands all of this." Tsu said, a finger pushing into her cheek nervously.

"I've dealt with the police too many times and after being a victim in a hero raid that needed to be rescued, it really tends to clear things up. Y'know, like looking at things in a different perspective." I rationed, seeing my Dad behind me look at me curiously.

"All the pros seem like they're pretty chill, huh?" Kirishima asked Midoriya and I as we walked away from the girls studying with Ryukyu. "So brave!" He cheered.

"Hey. I haven't seen Gran Torino around here this morning. You know where he is?" Izuku asked hesitantly.

"Apparently he won't be joining us today." Sir Nighteye said as he walked up.

"Tsukauchi's been keeping an eye on the League. According to him, it looks like they're on the move. Fortunately, we have plenty of heroes here, so we can afford to send Gran Torino." The detective said, walking up beside Nighteye.

"I was wondering where Tsukauchi was, but that answers my question." I told him blandly.

"Maybe we can take down the Hassaikai and the League of Villains at the same time!" Kirishima cheered.

"Oh, yeah!" Izuku returned with excitement.

"Whaddya think Tsukabro?"

"That's the hope, and I'm not trying to be a pessimist, but I won't hold my breath on taking down both groups today." I said in a colder tone.

"Let's do this." Midoriya said, more to himself than anyone.

"Not yet." My Dad said as he walked up to us.

"Ah! Mr. Eraser Head, sir!" My green haired best friend exclaimed in shock.

"I'm teaming up with Nighteye Agency for this. Do you understand me?" He asked.

"Yes, sir!"

"And Sonus. I'm watching you, too. Make me proud." He said before walking off. I swallowed the lump in my throat, my nerves starting to climb.

"Now! Heroes!" The detective called. "Things could get violent quickly out there. If you encounter even a hint of suspicious behavior or resistance, call for help immediately! We're up against gangsters who've avoided capture until now. It is imperative that each of you carry out your respective assignments. And stay sharp in there! We will commence the operation at 0830 hours. Heroes, move out!" He said while him and the rest of the cops saluted us.

[kadoodles-on-ao3]

Hey there!! Happy New Year! :)

Lately I've been feeling...

like shit

the past few weeks to be quite honest aha, but I'm still gonna keep trying!!! If nothing else, I've been trying to distract myself by delving back into the depths of my constantly growing Xenoblade Voice Line Project TM :)

(If you're curious, currently I am working on simultaneously 1. reviewing each and every voice line for all the bosses as well as 2. cataloging the order each of their lines are stored in their respective data beCAUSE the og ripper, bless their heart 1. missed a few files among some bosses in addition to accidentally overlooking Yaldabaoth and Face Nemesis* entirely, and 2. their program's naming convention ended up making the filenames, sorted alphabetically, sort into an entirely different order than they're actually stored in the data and I mayyyy have taken said order as gospel [because if you told naive past me I'd be digging into the game's Image file myself in the future and end up double-checking the ripper's work I'd... probably believe you honestly lmao] which means I have to reorganize the entirety of the Unused Boss Line tables as well as rewrite most if not all of my guesses for what I think said lines might have been meant for since I based both the tables and my hypotheses on said incorrect order.

I also made a reference excel sheet listing what characters all the kyp files and the brres-es and brsar-s within are for, which I finished data-entry-ing a while back and am now making it look nice as well as actually readable. Oh and I'm gonna rip all the NPC's little talking-to-them-in-the-overworld "Hello"-s and "Yes?"-s and upload them to the Sounds Resource along with everything else that got left out too :) Which speaking of!

*I actually ripped and uploaded these two's audio files back in July but they still haven't been posted yet haha. Not complaining in any way at all of course, there's so much for that team to sift through on there and it's all volunteer work and so extremely impressive how much they get done already! Just very interesting to see just how long it's been since I last worked on this dang thing, it feels like it was only a few months ago that I contacted an old TCRF member to help me figure out how to dig through the guts of this game I adore. And now it's 2024 already! Crazy...)

[justcallmedust]

Things in the past 2 weeks that have seemed shady, and probably are:

On the morning of 8/23/23 he pulled out of the driveway for work at 6:28am, and prior to that he sat in the driveway texting for about 3 minutes. Then at 6:45 he texted me reminding me that it was garbage day... a whole 17 minutes later. It takes less than a minute to get to the stop sign where he would have texted me that after seeing everyones garbage cans on the road. He prevously has claimed it takes him 35-40 minutes to get to work, so when he texted me I thought it was odd and assumed he was at work already. Now I know for a fact his drive to work is about 20 minutes both ways no matter which way he takes because I've driven it and timed it. So I ask him, at 6:48am "you're at work already?" So he texts me back at 7:24am claiming he had just got to work then. ??? That is a whole 36 minutes later. On a good day with normal traffic he could have driven to work twice in that time. He would have me believe it took him almost an hour to get to work. and he had the nerve to ask me if I understood the concept of time.. seriously. So I ask him "where did you stop?" and he didnt answer, he proceeded to fight with me over what time he left the house and sent me a screen shot of his text reminding me of the garbage and trying to claim that was when he left. THEN he decides to throw in that he stopped for a bagel by work.. um ok.. I dropped it because he was way too invested in gaslighting me. But that same day he didnt come home on time and when I texted wondering if he was ok he claimed he told me he'd be stopping somewhere to finish some spackling at a side job. I remembered that differently and the following day he had to stop after work to do the same thing.

On 8/29/23 I found that 2 condoms were missing, he claimed to have no idea how that could have happened. I still have not found them and he rolls his eyes if I bring it up.

Then on 8/31/23 he used up all the data from our phone plan. I had previously got 3 notices over the last week or so alerting me to data being gobbled up. When questioned he 'had no idea' how his phone was using data since he 'barely even uses it'. When I looked it up in the usage log, it showed he used more than 90% of our data for this billing period and most of it was web and social app usage. He did not want to talk about it, blamed work emails.. which, no thats not even possible. I wanted to look at the phone and make sure all the settings were correct and he did not let me.

I also have not yet hooked the phone up to my computer to recover all the deleted texts.

Also, this was the night I was taking our youngest son to freshman orientation and I was going to be taking the girls too but they decided to stay home. He allegedly was going back to that side job again to finish it.. The girls were playing xbox in the living room and said that he came back right after I left. He came in through the front door thinking no one was home and started rummaging through stuff in the bedroom then grabbed the air compressor from the mud room and left. They said he was surprised they were there and seemed really angry.

On sunday 9/3/23 he was getting texts early in the day from Tommy, allegedly inviting him to a bbq.. wtf? no, what the actual fuck? Husband says he wants him to do work in their house.. How is this guy even wanting to talk to him? This entire situation is still SHADY AS FUCK. No fucking way he's gonna go work in that house with that cunt muffin there. But he probably will, and he'll just lie to me about it.

Lastly, yesterday he lied about where he was going. Claiming boredom and just needing to take a ride.. didn't even know which store he was going to. When he came back he backpeddled saying he said exactly where he was going and claimed he didn't want to tell me he was going to buy chewing tobacco. So lying to me is still a choice for him.

This is not just a trust issue for me. This is actual shady shit. I know I'm not crazy. I need to keep reminding myself that he is continuing to deliberately lie to me. I have no evidence that he stopped talking to her.