#I actually wrote another oneshot like this a few months ago

[ghostsangel]

he might not be your man, but he is the right man

simon “ghost” riley x married!reader (based off this reblog comment i got on my last oneshot)

tags/warnings: mdni, unprotected sex, breeding kink, spitting, infidelity (your marriage sucks), overstimulation, reader is plus-size

Your marriage isn’t the best.

You’ve fallen out of love with your husband—and he is a good man. As good as he can be, anyway. You’re not sure when the neglect from him started, but he hardly touches you anymore. A kiss and a cuddle here and there, but nothing more. It’s been about a year and a half since the two of you have slept together.

To say you are touch deprived is an understatement.

Maybe he didn’t like your body anymore—after three kids, you don’t look the same as you did when you got married. Stretch marks cover your apron belly, a scar on the skin from the c-section when you had your second child. Instead of a sharp jawline, your face is round and soft, the double chin a prominent reminder that you’ll never look how you did six years ago. Your thick thighs hold stretch marks and jiggle when you walk, and your ass—let’s just say it’s a handful.

Despite the weight gain, you like your body. Love is a strong word, but you like it. It housed your three kids for nine months, your kids that you adore with your entire heart.

But something is missing.

Simon is an old friend. Your oldest friend, actually. The two of you have been friends since high school when you skipped classes together to smoke joints in his car. For a while, you had a massive crush on the tall, gruffly Englishman, but it faded when he left for military service right out of school and you met your husband.

Still, the two of you wrote letters when he was away and saw each other every time he came back from deployment. He grew from a lanky kid to a strong adult and all the while never stopped being your friend.

Of course, you invite him to everything. The kids’ birthday parties, New Year’s parties, Halloween, Christmas. Simon doesn’t have a family, so in truth, you became his surrogate family. The kids think of him as an uncle and go into a frenzy every time they see him—“Uncle Simon’s here! D’you think he’d give me a piggyback ride?”

He watches you from afar—not that you notice. He sees the unhappiness in your posture when he’s with you and your husband, the lifeless sort of emptiness hollowed out behind your gaze, but he says nothing. He knows you’ll talk to him about it when you’re ready, as much as it pains him to see his best friend hurting.

However, Simon can’t help but feel like whisking you away from your dumbass husband and showing you what being wanted really feels like. He may not be who you’re with now, but he’s the right guy—the guy you should’ve married instead of your husband.

Tonight, you sat in his living room, the two of you meeting up for a weekly friend’s night. He got back from deployment a few days ago, and this is a ritual the two of you have every time he returned.

You sip on a glass of wine—your drink of choice, dressed in a pair of shorts and a top. When you’re with Simon, you don’t feel as hesitant at showing your body—thick thighs and arms, fabric clinging to your belly. He’s known you for too long to care.

“How’s the husband?” Simon asks, eyes flicking to your face. He never wears the mask around you—and you can see his scars that run along his skin, etched into his features forever.

You shrug, sighing, hesitating. “He’s fine.”

Simon tilts his head to the side, taking a swig of his beer. His eyes scan over your expression before trailing down your body. He shifts on the couch, one hand resting on his thick thigh, legs spread.

“You okay? We’ve been friends for fuckin’ ages, doll. I can tell when you’re hidin’ somethin’.”

Your eyes flick to his, trying to ignore the warm feeling in the bottom of your tummy. It’s stupid—a subtle hint of concern from another human being makes your stomach flip.

“My marriage is sort of…crumbling,” you murmur, one of your thick thighs hitting his as you adjust on the couch.

His brows pull together and he sets his beer down on the coffee table. “Elaborate.” He doesn’t need you to—he knows what you’re going to say.

You drain your wine and grip the stem of the glass. “He just doesn’t…love me anymore, I don’t think. Doesn’t touch me or have sex with me. It’s been almost two years, Simon. I’m going insane.”

“Have you thought of leaving him?” He probes, resisting the urge to reach over and squeeze your plushy thighs and stomach.

“Yeah, but…it’s complicated with the kids.”

“Kids deserve to be raised in a home where there’s love,” Simon simply states.

His words make you look into his eyes, and you can see an underlying emotion there that you’ve never seen before from him. His fingers twitch, and for a moment, you’re certain he’s going to touch you. The thought makes heat flare between your thighs, setting your neglected cunt on fire.

You set the glass down and look back at him, shaking your head. “Pretty sure he’s fucking someone else. Probably that young girl from his work—she’s thin and pretty and—”

Simon’s hand reaches over to grip your thigh, cutting off your sentence. Your breath hitches in your throat and your eyes meet his again. His nostrils are flared, and he grips the fat of your thighs like you’re gonna vanish.

“You’re beautiful, doll. Always have been. A little more meat on your bones doesn’t mean you can’t get someone’s cock hard.”

His words stun you. You don’t think you’ve heard anyone call you beautiful in years—and it makes tears well in your eyes as you look at Simon. His eyes flick to your lips, and then his hand is on the back of your neck, tugging you to him.

Your lips meet his in a hungry kiss, lips moving together and tongues running along one another. He grips your waist and moves you like you weigh nothing, settling you on his wide lap. A fervent moan slips past your lips when his hard cock presses against your aching cunt, already soaked.

His big hand moves from the back of your neck to your ass, squeezing the flesh so hard, you’re sure it’ll bruise. His other hand runs down your side to slip under the hem of your shirt. His fingertips graze your stomach until they get to your chest, furiously working to tug the cups of your bra down.

“Get this off,” he mumbles against your lips, tugging your shirt over your head, his fingertips working at the clasp of your bra as soon as the shirt leaves his grip.

Your face flushes when he tosses the bra away, eyes drinking you in hungrily. His hands squeeze the flesh of your ass, a sharp slap echoing in the otherwise silent room when he spanks you. You whimper, and he chuckles before taking a nipple into his mouth and working it with his tongue.

Your back arches, a moan ripping past your lips as his tongue swirls over the neglected bud. Electricity jolts straight to your pussy, and it’s embarrassing to you that you’re already practically dripping for him and he’s barely touched you.

Your nails dig into his neck and he lets out a groan against your nipple before switching to the other side, tongue flicking quickly against the hardening peak. You hear a ripping sound and realize he’s ripped your shorts and panties clean off of you, and Simon grins against your skin as he tosses them to the floor.

His big hands spread your cheeks apart, one hand drifting between your legs to the apex of your thighs. He releases your nipple with a pop as his fingertips run through your soaked folds, the touch making you weak in the knees.

“So fuckin’ wet for me, love. Bet that shithead of a husband couldn’t get you as wet as me,” he murmurs against your skin, teeth nipping and biting up your chest as he speaks. “Don’t worry, doll. I’ll show you how a real man should make you feel.”

His sentence is accentuated by a harsh suck on the skin of your neck, and your eyes roll back as you grind down on his hard cock. You want him so bad, it’s embarrassing, and you can’t help the whine when his tongue runs over the mark he just made and up your neck.

Simon pushes your back to the couch, his hips slotted between your legs as he kisses you again, hungry and needy. He’s dreamt of this for years—and he’s not going to waste his time now that he’s gotten it. The kiss is full of spit and tongues, him swallowing your moans as his fingers work at your clit.

Your legs jolt as he rubs in slow circles, back arching when he presses down a little harder. He smirks down at you, taking in your hooded eyes and open mouth, and he can’t help but use his other hand to grip your jaw. He holds your mouth open, letting his spit drip into your mouth before closing it for you.

Your eyes glaze over at the action, whining as you swallow and open your mouth again, almost like you’re ready for more. The sight alone makes his cock throb, and he slips two fingers into your neglected pussy.

The stretch is intense, but you welcome it as he fingers you, thumb rubbing your clit. His fingers curl and he grins as he feels you clench tightly around him.

“Gonna come already, love? That’s okay, go on. Got some making up to do, don’t I?”

The squelch of your pussy is lewd as he finger fucks you, the coil inside your tummy tightens as he stares into your eyes. His fingertips hold your head in place, making you look at him as he brings you to the edge.

Your back arches when you come, juices gushing from your throbbing cunt and onto Simon’s fingers. You whine nonsense, legs trembling as pleasure runs through you. Before you know what’s happening, your legs are over his shoulders and his fingers are replaced with his tongue.

Your hips jolt and you groan, trying to back away from him, but his large hands hold you in place. “Don’t fuckin’ run, sweetheart. You can take it.”

Your fingers tangle in his hair as his tongue swirls over your throbbing clit, your eyes fluttering shut as the painful pleasure he’s bringing you. He ruts his hips against the couch as he eats you out, one hand on your belly, the other on your hip.

“Simon,” you gasp out as his tongue flicks quick strokes across your clit, legs still trembling as you feel your second orgasm build quickly. “Ple…I can’t…”

“You can,” he mumbles against your clit before diving back in, sucking and licking like a man starved.

He doesn’t stop when you cry out and come the second time, or the third. After the fourth, he kisses up your body, tongue trailing over your sweaty skin. He leaves open-mouthed kisses on your neck before kissing you, gripping your waist and moving you to straddle him again.

His fingers work the zipper on his pants and he pulls his cock free, running his leaky tip along your wet, swollen folds. He breaks the kiss, staring into your eyes as he lines himself up with your pussy.

You slowly sink into his cock and you lean your head forward onto his shoulder, whimpering as he stretches and fills you up. His breathing is already ragged, soft moans filling your ears as you sit on him.

“Fuckin’ hell, love. This cunt was made for me, wasn’t it?” He murmurs against your ear, nipping at your earlobe as he grips your hips.

You don’t have to do any work—he knows you’re tired. All you have to do is lean against him while he fucks into you from below, his thick cock stretching your walls and his tip hitting the spongy spot inside you that makes your toes curl.

His hands spread your asscheeks apart as he ruts into you, the room filled with your moans and his breathy gasps. You never knew sex could feel this fucking good—it’s a new sensation to you.

“God, wanna fuck this pussy everyday,” Simon growls in your ear, one hand moving to your hair to tilt your head back. “Wanna fuck you in every position possible and fill you up till you’re pregnant with our baby.”

The thought makes your head spin, and you feel your breath stutter as your cunt clamps down around him. He grins against your ear, using the grip on your hair to tug your head back and look into your eyes.

“Yeah, you want that? Want me to fuck a baby into you so you can leave that pathetic man and be with me?” He asks, and you can feel his cock twitch inside of you.

You nod, nails digging into his shoulders. “Yes, Simon, f-fuck—”

His smile widens and he thrusts up into you faster, the slap of skin on skin growing louder. “I can do that, doll. Be a good little slut and take it for me, yeah?”

The look in his eyes—feral, protective, hungry—it’s enough to send you over the edge. Your pussy throbs around him and your vision goes white as your body shakes, screaming out Simon’s name as he continues to pound you through your orgasm.

“That’s it, fuck yeah, baby. Feels like heaven when you’re squeezin’ my cock like that,” he grunts out, thrusts becoming sloppier as he nears his orgasm. “Gonna fill this greedy cunt up.”

You gaze into his eyes, your own hooded and fucked out as you nod, whimpering out a “please” at his words. His lips crash into yours as he grunts and moans, hips stilling as he buries his thick cock inside you, throbbing as he spills ropes of cum inside your womb.

Simon pants in your ear, his fingers running up and down your back as he tries to collect himself. He grips your hips, cock still inside you, and you feel him smile.

“Gonna do that till your belly’s swollen with my baby, sweetheart.”

—————————————

see this oneshot’s companion here!

[captn-trex]

let me take care of you

Rex x F!Reader

word count: 5.7k

description: you have been suffering from depression for a few months and have shut yourself off from the world. a few weeks after getting laid off from your job, you get an unexpected knock at the door.

warnings: i'm gonna say this is 16+ just to be safe, heavily implied sex, depiction of depression, suicidal ideation, hurt/comfort, friends to lovers, mutual pining - let me know what I've missed !

a/n: okay so this is sooooo self-indulgent it's actually embarassing. I wrote the first bit of this when I was truly going through it and... yeah, it's just Rex taking care of the reader hehe, with a bit of suggestive stuff but not proper smut. if that's your kinda thing, I hope you enjoy! (also this is the first oneshot that I've actually posted so gimme constructive criticism pls !!)

Everything felt foggy.

For the past months, your life had felt like you were just going through the motions. Wake up, go to work, come home, struggle to sleep, and repeat. You didn't enjoy the things you used to anymore. It had been too long since you had taken a walk in the park, since you had sketched or written, and it hurt that you couldn't seem to even try and do them. Like there was an invisible force stopping you, and yet, there wasn't. It was just your own mind, lacking in whatever hormone would make you happy.

You couldn't find it in yourself to take care of yourself properly, and ever since being laid off from your job a few weeks ago, you had gone into the worst of it. You weren't eating properly, you couldn't sleep, sometimes staying up all night even though you would lay in your bed and just pray for it to be different. You hadn't seen your friends in months, though they would try and check in on you. You always told them you were busy, but you knew they knew what was going on. You had been like this before, though this time it was worse.

You shut yourself off from the world.

You hadn't been out of your apartment at all in days when you heard the knock. You made your way to your front door, and your breath hitched when you peered through the little hole and saw who was behind it.

Rex.

The clone stood in the hallway, his helmet at his hip, looking down the hall, and handsome as ever. There was no way you were letting him in while you were in this state. You hadn't brushed your hair in maker knows how long, you hadn't showered in… maybe a week? and the last time you had brushed your teeth was probably 2 days ago. Your personal hygiene was sorely lacking.

You watched the Captain through the door, your breath fogging up the glass, and jumped back when the knocking of the door reverberated around your small apartment.

What is he doing here?

You hadn't seen Rex since you lost your job, though he was among the few people who checked in with you regularly, trying to ask about how you were or convince you to come out of the house. Your stomach churned at the idea of people fussing about you, and now one of them was standing outside your door. A particular one of them that, in any given other state, you would be dying to see.

Your deep attraction and affection for Rex only made this situation more uncomfortable for you, the thought of answering the door making you feel physically sick.

You then heard your name called from behind the door in a deep, questioning voice, and your knees went weak.

“Are you in there?” He asked, followed by another knock.

You wanted to reply, to say anything, but you couldn't find your voice. What would I say? You elected to just go back to your bed, let him leave on his own, and pretend he was never here.

You scooted backwards but caught your hip on a table, sending a pile of your precious books hurtling to the floor. You held your breath, hoping Rex had not heard the noise, but it was no use.

Rex called your name again, and this time, it was gentler, “…Please let me in”

Your eyes watered as you walked up to the door, your finger hovering over the button that would cause it to slide open.

“I'm fine Rex, you can go” You tried to sound as resolute as you could, but the quiver in your voice was obvious.

“Cyare… let me in. I'm not leaving”

The nickname hit you hard, and you truly felt like clutching your chest as it pulled at the part of you that desired the clone on the other side of the door like no other.

You had met Rex years ago, at the job you had recently been let go from, working as a civilian medic on Coruscant.

The Captain could rarely be convinced by his brothers to take himself to the medbay, much more of the suffer in silence type. However, once you had begun working there, he had started making trips there for every little bump and scratch, and sometimes even when he was in perfect health, he would go claiming a cold or headache. He had always had a soft spot for you, and though he'd never admit it, he made it obvious. Everyone around him knew, everyone around you knew, but for whatever reason, you hadn't cottoned on at all.

He found you exceedingly beautiful, obviously intelligent, and just the most wonderful and bright spark of a person he'd ever met. Though, that was far from what you were feeling like at the moment.

You had also been enamoured by the Captain from the very start. The moment he walked into the medbay and made eye contact with you, you were done for. Whether it was his loyalty to his men, his commanding presence, or his wonderful smile that did it, you didn't know, but you were kriffed from the beginning.

“I can't let you in” You said, leaning your forehead into the door.

“Why not?” He said in a hushed tone that you could barely hear.

“I- I'm just not feeling well okay?” You choked out, vastly minimising the issue.

“I dont mind Cyare, just let me in. Please” He begged, but you just shook your head, squeezing your eyes shut.

You and Rex had grown into good friends quite naturally. In his needless visits to the med bay, he would often stay after hours and help you clean up, and you would fall into conversation about anything and everything. You shared many opinions about a variety of topics and would talk about your respective favourite things. Rex found that he learned a great deal about the wider galaxy from you, and he could hear you talk about art for hours upon end.

You were a fantastic artist, absolutely brilliant in any media, but Rex loved your sketches the most. You had brought him to your apartment once after work, when he had practically begged to see your work. He liked the simplicity of it, creating life with just a few stokes of a pencil. Your drawings held such character, such joy, such sorrow, and Rex thought that they were always so uniquely you. For that, he loved them.

“Rex I-” You didn't know what to say. You sank to your knees on the floor, letting your tears silently fall down your cheeks.

“Please…” He said one more time, and you finally broke.

You reached up and pressed the button, and the door zipped open to reveal your defeated posture to him. You dared not look up at him. You didn't want him to see you like this at all, but the thought of looking him in the eye when you knew how dishevelled, how weak you looked, you couldn't stomach it.

“Oh Cyare” He said softly and closed the door behind him, sinking to his knees in front of you. He tentatively placed a hand on your knee and began rubbing his thumb back and forth. “What's happened? You haven't been in the medbay for weeks”

“I was laid off” You replied quietly.

“What? Why would they do that?” He asked, genuinely confused. You were a talented medic. He could see no reason for it.

“Money is tight. We are at war after all” You chuckled a little bit, knowing that much was obvious to Rex.

“What are you upset about? I'm sure there's somewhere else that would take you, you're a great medic” He asked so innocently that you could almost laugh.

“It's not about that…” You sighed, running a hand over your face, still looking down.

“What is it about?” Rex said softly, shuffling forwards so his armoured knees touched your bare ones.

“I just… I can't do it anymore Rex” You whispered, the first time you had freely admitted it to anyone before.

Rex tensed up. He brought his other hand up and gently grabbed your chin, tilting your head to look at you properly. The look in your eyes already told him the answer to the question he was about to ask, “Can't do what?”

“It. Life. Anything. I just want to disappear” You said, choking on your tears and overwhelmed by the thoughts that weighed you down. Rex's amber irises burned into yours with such an intensity, but not for long, as his arms made their way around your body, and he pulled you into his lap.

You cried into his chest, with him stroking your hair and holding you close to him with the other arm, scared that you would somehow get your wish and disappear in his arms.

He was at a loss for words. He couldn't understand how someone he thought was so wonderful and incredible could be harbouring such hateful feelings about themself. He feared saying anything that would upset you, and the last thing he wished to do was deny how you were feeling by telling you that you were wrong, so he just held you in his arms, silently letting you know he was there for you, no matter what. The sound of your crying was making his heart break, but he stayed like that until it died down.

“How long have you been feeling like this?” He asked tentatively, drawing back and holding your jaw so he could see your face.

“I dont know… four or five months, maybe?” You replied, and it felt like he had been stabbed in the chest.

How had he not noticed anything was wrong? He felt like he had failed you, that your friendship was for nought if he couldn't even tell when you were upset. He didn't place any of the blame on you, but he had to ask…

“Why didn't you tell me?”

You sighed, “I didn't want to concern you with it. It's for me to deal with”

“What? It's not just for you to deal with, of course I'd want to know if you're not okay. I'm so sorry I didn't notice” He said, his tone so heavy with guilt.

“It's okay, it makes sense that you didn't”

Rex almost took offence to the comment, but the small smile on your lips didn't evade him, “Why does it make sense?”

“Uh, I guess I was always happy around you” You admit, “You- Uh we’re good friends, you know? I like spending time with you”

Despite the comment about being friends, Rex's heart soared, “I like spending time with you too Cyare”

“Why are you calling me that all of a sudden?” You asked. You knew what it meant, you'd spent enough time among the clones, and it was impossible to escape when you overheard their unabashed flirting on your few trips to 79s.

“Um” Rex gulped, not feeling like right now was the best time to admit that he was wildly in love with you, “I don't know, I care about you, you know? Like you said, we're good friends”

You nodded, seeming satisfied with the explanation, and Rex breathed out a shaky breath.

“I'm sorry you had to see me like this” You looked down, playing with your fingers as heat rose to your cheeks.

“It's fine, I really don't mind. Besides, you still look good to me” He said, and your eyes snapped back up to his instantly, your breath becoming short. Rex thinks I look good?

“Thanks Captain” You grinned shyly, your face feeling positively on fire at the compliment.

“It's no problem” He smiled, then he became more serious, “Have you eaten today?”

“Uh- no” You looked away again, feeling ashamed.

“Alright, let me fix you some food then” He readjusted his hold on you and picked you up, setting you down on your couch. Your head was spinning from the intimacy of feeling his breath fanning over your face.

“I don't really have any food here” You admitted sheepishly.

“Okay, how about this then” He crouched by the couch so that his eyes were level with yours, “Why don't you go and have a shower, do whatever you need to feel a bit better, and I'll go out and get us some food”

“Rex… I can't ask you to do that for me” You spoke hesitantly, but he shook his head.

“You're not asking, and in fact, neither am I” He said with a playful glint in his eye, “Go and freshen up, that's an order soldier”

You giggled at him and took the hand that he offered to help you up.

“Yes sir” You saluted him and marched off in the direction of the refresher, earning a laugh from the clone.

You stepped into the refresher and looked yourself in the eye for probably the first time in days. You did not look good. Your eyes held bags that looked so heavy that they could weigh down the skin they inhabited, your hair was a complete mess, and your skin was dull and lifeless.

You sighed, grabbed your hairbrush, and decided to start there. It took a few minutes, but soon, your hair was completely knot-free, and you stripped off and stepped into the shower. You took your time finding the perfect temperature, which ended up being almost scalding hot. You leaned your elbows against the wall, letting the water hit your back and relieving some of the tension you could feel there.

Now that you were actually in the shower, you didn't feel like leaving at all. Though, the idea of Rex being outside the door when you finished was enough for you to quickly wash yourself and your hair and hop out again. You brushed your teeth twice and moisturised your clean skin. Looking in the mirror, you looked a lot better than you did before you went in the shower, and you were eternally thankful for that. If you were going to see the person you had been in love with for years, you only wanted to look your best.

You stepped out of the refresher and headed for your bedroom with your dirty clothes in hand.

“Hey, are you-”

You jumped out of your skin when you saw Rex stood in the living area with a bag in hand, and he did too when he saw you with only a towel wrapped around you. Your eyes went wide, and you wrapped the towel tighter around your body on instinct, only fueling the less-than-pure thoughts that were spilling into Rex's brain. You looked so incredible, your hair dripping water over your body, which was seemingly glistening with its new cleanliness, and your towel left little to the imagination.

“Um yeah, you're out, cool, uh- I'll let you get dressed” He turned around and cursed silently to himself for being so awkward.

You just chuckled nervously, feeling utterly mortified, and made your way to your room as intended. You found a fresh oversized t-shirt and pair of soft shorts and slipped into them quickly, rejoining Rex in the other room.

He had taken off the top half of his armour, leaving just his blacks, the Republic insignia adorned proudly on his chest. The tightness of the top showed off his toned physique as if he wasn't even wearing anything, and you had to tear your eyes away from it.

“What did you get?” You asked quietly, sitting down next to him on the couch.

“Noodles, is that okay?” He asked, looking to you a little nervously.

You chucked at his demeanour, which was decidedly un-captain-like as he looked to you for approval, “It's perfect, thank you”

You both picked up the boxes that held your food and dug in, and your bodies turned to face each other as you rested against oppsite ends of the couch. It was good to have a proper meal, with actually nutritious foods. When you had eaten as of late, it had mostly been ration bars or random snacks you could find in your apartment. You hummed contentedly, and Rex smiled at you.

“Good?”

“Mhm” You smiled, swallowing a bite, “Thank you Rex”

“It’s alright” He said nonchalantly.

“I mean it, thank you for… taking care of me” You said, then looked down, “I'm finding that difficult at the moment, so it means a lot”

“Cyare” Rex moved towards you and placed a hand on your knee, “It's really no trouble, I just want to see you feeling better”

You looked up at him and gave a tight lipped smile, “Well, thank you anyway”

“No problem. You look a little more alive now, by the way” He teased.

“Hey! You're the one that said I looked good before, you cant take it back now” You challenged, and he smirked.

“I'm not taking it back. You just look even better now” He said, but his smirk dropped when you froze up at his comment.

“You dont have to say that just to make me feel better, you know” You said, looking down and taking your final mouthful of noodles.

“I'm not just saying it” He said quietly, and you looked up to see his light frown. You put down your food box as he continued to stare at you seriously.

“What is it?” You ask.

“It's nothing, don't worry about it” He said quickly and put his own food box down as he finished.

“Rex” You scooted closer to him so that your knees were almost touching, “What's the matter?”

“Nothing’s the matter” He avoided your eyes as he spoke, and you used the technique that he employed earlier on, gently taking his chin between your thumb and finger and guiding his gaze towards you.

“What is it?” You asked again, and his eyebrows pinched together as his eyes flicked between the two of yours.

“You're so beautiful Cyare” He said, tentatively placing his hand on your lower thigh.

Your breath hitched in your throat at the gentle touch, and you searched his eyes for any dishonesty but only found them to be as earnest as usual.

“I- I should've been telling you every day since I met you” He said, his voice breaking just a little as he spoke so softly, “I should’ve been telling you how much you mean to me, how much I care for you, how important you are” He stroked his thumb back and forth on your thigh, sending tingles up your spine.

“Rex” You breathed out in a whisper, your hand sliding around to cup his sharp jaw. He leaned into your touch, and you felt as if you could melt at the sight.

“Say something” He urged, his eyes pleading for a conformation that you felt the same way.

“I-” You didn't know what to say. You felt the same, but the words got caught in your throat. It felt wrong to truly admit to your affection for him after bottling it up for so long.

“Rex, I've always cared for you, far more than a medic should care for their patient” You admitted, and his eyes lit up.

“You have?” He asked, and you nodded in reply.

“And for the record, I think you're beautiful too” You let a small grin creep its way onto your face.

“That’s good to know” Rex smirked, bringing his other hand to your cheek.

He looked deeply into your eyes, the eyes that he always found so fascinating, and he leaned his forehead against yours before tilting his head towards your lips. You shivered with anticipation.

“Is this okay? I don't want to take advantage of you if you-”

“Just kiss me Rex” You whispered against his lips, your eyes fluttering shut. He didn't delay after that. With your permission, he couldn't say no.

His lips met yours tentatively, as if testing the waters, but as soon as he felt you kiss him back, he pulled you in more urgently. His lips moved against yours, melding together as if it was how they were made to be. You felt your need for closeness growing, and you pulled him towards you as you deepened the kiss. Rex slid his hand up your thigh, resting it on your hip and tracing small circles with his thumb as his other hand moved to the back of your neck, pulling you impossibly closer as he devoured your lips.

Rex pulled back, his teeth lingering on your bottom lip for a moment, and you both caught your breath.

“I can't tell you how long I've wanted to do that” You said, your breath still short.

Rex grinned widely, “Yeah? I can guarantee it's probably not as long as I have”

“Probably not” You chuckled, “Unless you somehow wanted to before you even looked at me for the first time”

Rex raised his eyebrows, “You've wanted to kiss me the whole time we've known each other?” He asked, and you nodded your head shyly. “Why didn't you say anything?”

“I dont know, I guess I just figured you wouldn't feel the same” You shrug.

Rex just shook his head with a smile and pulled you onto his lap “Oh, how wrong you were”

“Is that right?” You smirked, “I'd love to hear all about just how wrong I was”

Rex smirked back at you, and placed a kiss to your cheek, “I've wanted to kiss those pretty lips of yours ever since I laid eyes on you” He confessed, and your breath hitched as he continued to place featherlight kisses along your jaw. “I thought you were the most beautiful person I'd ever seen” He kissed down your neck slowly, gently nipping at you with his teeth at the point where your neck meets your shoulder, which earned a small whine from you, and you could feel him smirk.

“I've never felt the way I feel about you, about anyone else” He murmured against your skin, burying his nose in your neck and inhaling your scent.

His words were driving you crazy. They were all you had ever wanted to hear from him, and here he was, speaking them aloud as he kissed your skin so gently, as if you would break if he pressed any harder.

“Rex” You whispered, and he looked up at you, waiting for you to continue.

“What is it, Mesh'la?” He whispered back, his lips ghosting yours. You shuddered in his arms, your eyes fluttering closed, and he watched your every move with anticipation.

“Rex, I-” You leaned your forehead against his, needing an anchor before you spoke your next words, “I need you”

Rex's heart skipped a beat. Possibly a few beats. “What do you mean, Cyare?”

“Please, take me to the bedroom” You asked, begged, and Rex took action immediately.

He held you to him as he stood up, and you wrapped your legs around him tightly. He made his way to your bed quickly and gently laid you onto your back, crawling over you so he was holding himself above your body.

“You're sure about this, Cyare? If it's just a lapse in judgement because you're not in your right mind, I understand, no hard feelings” Rex stroked your cheek with his knuckles, looking into your eyes intently.

“Rex, please. My judgement is just fine. I want you. I've always wanted you” You said, the neediness so obvious in your tone. Rex's expression then settled somewhere between amusement and adoration.

“You want me?” He smirked, his lips hovering just above yours.

“Yes” You spoke breathlessly.

“Say it again” He commanded in a whisper, his amber eyes burning into your very soul.

“I want you, Rex”

He breathed out a shaky breath and brought his lips to yours, speaking between chaste kisses, “You have me, all of me. You always have. I've always been yours”

It was almost too much to hear. Your heart was pounding in your ears, and you thought you'd made it all up.

“I've always been yours Rex” You whispered against his lips, and his breath stuttered.

“You're mine?” He asked in a murmur. The flame of desire burning in his eyes was clear.

“Only yours”

He pressed his lips to yours with a newfound desperation, his hand trailing down your body and holding your hips in place as he slipped his leg between yours. You grasped at his body, your hands finding themselves underneath the top of his blacks, and he stopped kissing you to pull it off. You absolutely marvelled at the sight.

In all your time knowing Rex, mending up his various wounds, you had never had the honour of glimpsing at his form without a shirt on. You traced along a scar at the centre of his chest, “How did you get this?”

“I was shot” He shrugged with a grin.

“No big deal for a big important Captain like you, I suppose” You teased and matched his grin as he rolled his eyes.

“Shut up” He mumbled against your skin as he buried his head in your neck, leaving soft kisses and less soft bites. You struggled to keep small moans from escaping your lips at his touch, and Rex noticed you holding back. He wound his way up to your lips, pressing a short kiss to them before he spoke.

“Don't hold out on me cyar'ika, I want to hear you”

You bit your lip and nodded at him, then kissed a trail across his strong jaw, earning a soft groan. As your kisses made their way down his neck, and you brought your hands to trail down his body, he groaned more deeply. The sound was driving you insane. Before you could breach the top of his blacks, Rex gathered your wrists in his hand and held them above your head, your eyes blown wide with desire and longing, your breath ragged.

Rex just looked at you for a moment, committing the intoxicating sight to his memory. His other hand found your face as he shifted the leg that was between yours, earning a whimper, “Don't worry about that, just let me take care of you”

You shuddered at his words, your body tense with anticipation for what was to come.

He looked so perfect, angelic even.

Watching Rex sleep was never a luxury you imagined yourself getting the opportunity to indulge in, but with it right in front of you, you weren't going to let it pass you by.

You had slept for a little while, wrapped up in Rex's limbs, and held closely to his body. You had been completely at peace, every struggle and awful thought that usually plagued you was pushed to the back of your mind and there was only him, his presence enveloping you; his warmth, his scent, the feel of his skin against yours, his breath against your cheek and his chest rising and falling gently. Now, as you moved away from him and watched the cold light of morning creep across his features, you couldn't help but marvel at the sight.

You slipped out of his arms, a soft sigh escaping him in the process. Your heart clenched at the sound, only feeling your adoration for him growing once again.

You reluctantly tore your gaze away from him and went over to your desk, opening the left draw as quietly as you could. You took out your flimsi sketchbook and a pencil and made your way over to the chair that was against the large window overlooking the city. However, that wasn't the focus of your sketching today, not when there was a sight far more beautiful laying in your bed.

You opened up your small sketchbook and looked at the last thing you had drawn. It was a scene from the park. A couple sat on a bench at the edge of the man-made pond and smiling adoringly at each other. You smiled and pushed down the guilt at the realisation that you had drawn this over four months ago.

When you looked up to Rex again, your heart skipped a beat. The sun had risen a little higher in the sky and cast a golden light across the lower half of his face and chest. You took up your pencil and began sketching the view before anything could disturb it.

The sheets were pooled at his waist, showing off his toned physique in all its glory, especially as he slept with one hand tucked under his head. His features were relaxed, more relaxed than you had ever seen. His face often had a sternness about it that was undeniably militaristic, but that was nowhere to be found as he slept peacefully.

You had the outline and were now just adding the details. The small marks on his skin, some that you had fixed up yourself, and the large blaster burn in the centre of his chest. As you were adding some of the shadows to his face, you heard a small grumble, and your head shot up to see Rex opening his eyes, stretching his arms out.

“Don’t move” You spoke gently, and he looked to you, noticing your sketchbook in your hand as you sat curled up in your chair.

He smiled, a warmth spreading across his chest as he settled back into his previous position, “Like this?”

“Mhm” You hummed in reply, taking in the way the shadows on his face changed now that he was awake. “Relax” You laughed as you saw a small crease emerge in his brow.

He chuckled a little and relaxed with a contented sigh.

“Almost done” You said quietly, as if to not disturb your own work.

You quickly added the remaining shading, adding some small details of the bed and the room, wanting to capture the moment perfectly, so that should your mind ever forget it, which you doubted, it would be forever recorded. That was what you loved about using flimi over a datapad. The physicality felt more personal and permanent.

“All finished” You smiled as you closed your sketchbook and went to place it back in your desk.

“Hey! Aren't you going to show me?” Rex asked, and you looked back to him to see the crease in brow had returned.

“It's not very good, it's just a sketch”

“Cyare, I love your sketches. Please, show me” He spoke gently, an edge of seriousness to deny your self-deprecating words.

“Okay” You conceded, opening the sketchbook back up and sitting down on the bed to show him. Rex then grabbed you by the waist and pulled you into him, making you fall back into his chest as he laid down again. A delighted laugh escaped your lips at the sudden contact, and you looked up to Rex's face to see an equally elated expression.

He took the sketchbook from your hand and looked over the drawing of himself, his smile widening with each second.

“It's amazing” He said softly, meeting your eyes again.

“That's because it's of you” You smiled and brushed your nose against his, earning a small chuckle.

“No, it's… You make me look so…” He looked over the drawing and tried to find the right word to describe what he meant, “I'm not sure. It looks exactly like me, but… There's something else to it”

“Well, all the best things are made with love” You said before you could even really process what you were saying.

Rex’s eyes went wide as they snapped back to yours, “Love?” He questioned.

You shrank backwards, wanting the bed to collapse in on itself and swallow you whole, but Rex’s arm tightened around your waist, pulling you against him. You let the word hang in the air for a moment before clearing your throat and swallowing hard.

“Uh… yeah” You said awkwardly, looking away.

Rex said your name in a soft tone, pulling your focus back to him. He rested his forehead against yours, his amber eyes burning into yours, “You love me?”

“I do” You whispered, gnawing your bottom lip at the vulnerability of the admission.

Rex met your lips in a sweet kiss, slow and deliberate, and pulled away a few seconds later. He caressed your cheek with his knuckles before he settled his palm on the back of your neck. “I love you too” He confessed, and your heart leapt to your throat.

“You do?” You whispered.

“I do. I always have. It's like I said, I've always been yours” He confirmed, repeating the words he had said last night. You brought your forehead to his again and closed your eyes, taking in the sweetness of the moment.

“And I yours”

Nothing was fixed. You weren't back to being happy and full of life like you once were, but Rex had reminded you why life was worth living. You were reminded of all the things that made it worthwhile, all of the things you loved to do, the things that brought joy and colour into your life. If you could just take it one step at a time, one day after the other, you would get through this feeling, and best of all, Rex would be there to support you when you needed him.

[stardustsides]

we’ll all be here forever

content warnings: references to underage drinking, general anxiety about going away to college

pairings: romantic logicality

word count: 1357

surprise, a lil logicality oneshot i wrote a few months ago but never posted. enjoy !!!

~

“I thought I might find you here.”

Patton glanced up from his spot on his attic bedroom floor. He was sitting cross-legged on his shag carpet he’s had since childhood, the dying light from outside pooling around him soft as honey, yearbook open in his lap. The circular window above his head was cracked open, letting the early summer air mingle with the muted sounds of the graduation party in the backyard.

Logan stood in the doorway, wearing a red Harvard t-shirt and looking unsure of himself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to interrupt you—“

“Not at all,” Patton replied, patting the spot beside him. “Come sit.”

After a moment, he did, stooping a bit to fit inside. Logan had had a major growth spurt back in the summer before junior year, and now could no longer stand at his full height in Patton’s bedroom without hitting his head on the slanted ceilings. He folded his limbs in carefully and sat next to him.

Once, Patton might have felt the need to grin at Logan, to wipe every trace of melancholy from his expression and eagerly fill the silence between them. But the silence was comfortable, and Patton was lately finding that around Logan, he had to pretend less and less. And so for a little while, the two flicked through the yearbook together, quietly laughing to themselves when a particularly bad picture of one of their friends came up, and recounting the memories of the past year. Of the past four.

“Aww,” Patton said suddenly, pointing to the two-page spread made for the annual school musical. “Roman was so good in that. He made me cry.”

Logan glanced at him, his mouth twisting into a wry smile. “It was Mamma Mia.”

Patton swatted him on the arm. “Mamma Mia has serious moments! I bet plenty of people teared up during ‘Slipping Through my Fingers’!”

Logan snorted, turning his attention back to the book. “Oh, there’s Janus at the mock trial.”

“He did so good!”

“He did. Though he is going to law school after college, so I doubt that his opponents were thrilled about facing off with him.”

Patton fell silent again, the statement settling over him like a weighted blanket. The pictures on the photo wall above his desk fluttered in the light breeze. He wanted to curl up beneath it and let this moment live forever.

“…Patton,” Logan asked carefully. “What’s wrong? Why aren’t you down at the party?”

“I could ask you the same thing, Mr. Harvard-man,” Patton replied, but it didn’t come out as playful as he had hoped. The six of them—their tight-knit friend group since freshman year—had been planning the joint graduation party since they had gotten back from winter break. It had been decided that they would hold it at Patton’s house, because his house—which was actually a repurposed barn—had the biggest backyard. The others had come over at the crack of dawn to set up; now, fairy lights adorned the backyard, and streamers the colors of every college they had chosen cascaded around the perimeter.

It looked lovely, and yet as soon as the first guests had trickled in, Patton found that he just wanted to be alone.

Logan looked at him, a little furrow between his brows. Patton had often thought of that little furrow: if Logan knew it was there, what it would be like to press his thumb to it and smooth it out. He pushed those thoughts down, as he had gotten skilled at doing.

At last, he sighed. “I guess it’s just hitting me. That we’re all leaving.”

“…ah.”

“Yeah.”

Another bout of silence, punctuated by the faint sound of Remus beating Roman in a game of cornhole and crowing about his victory.

“You really don’t need to worry, Lo,” Patton said softly, offering him a wan smile. “I’ll be okay. Go down and enjoy the party.”

“You know that I have never been a party person.”

“You might be next year. I hear Harvard parties get crazy.”

“All the more reason for me not to go.”

“Yeah, well.” Patton sighed. “Who knows what next year will be like. Maybe we’ll all be different by then. We already are.”

A few weeks ago, they had rented a mountain house for a weekend, as per the “senior week” tradition. Roman had managed to smuggle a few boxes of hard seltzers and a bottle of vodka, and they had spent their Saturday night in various stages of drunkenness. It had all felt very grown up.

“Nothing has to change,” Logan started uncertainly.

“Logan,” he replied. “It already is.”

“That doesn’t mean that we won’t all still be close.”

“I know. But sometimes I wish that we could stop time, just for a little while.”

Another silence settled over them like a fresh layer of snow. Patton was thinking of what to say, of how to apologize for ruining the moment, when he felt Logan’s hand over his. He looked up in surprise—Logan was staring straight ahead, a muscle feathering in his jaw, as if he was trying to decide whether or not to speak.

Patton put his other hand on top of Logan’s and squeezed.

For a suspended moment, Patton’s world narrowed: the distant chatter outside, the early summer breeze, Logan’s hand between his, Logan’s breathing. He felt warm from the inside out, and all of his troubles suddenly seemed so very far away.

“Patton,” Logan began haltingly. “I—you know that I would never—that is, I could never—I could never let myself grow apart from you?”

Patton looked at him. Logan looked vaguely frustrated with himself, his cheeks daylily pink. He pushed his glasses further up his nose.

“I know,” Patton replied softly. “Me neither.”

Logan nodded faintly. “Good,” he said, almost to himself.

For a moment, Patton thought that that was it, and the comfortable silence would return. He turned his gaze back toward the window.

“Patton,” Logan said again, his voice taking on a strange timbre.

Patton looked at him again, and their eyes met. He felt a zing of something go down his spine, thrilling and terrifying. He suddenly had the distinct feeling of standing on the precipice of some great unknown, teetering precariously on the edge.

Logan, for the first time Patton could ever remember, was completely lost for words. He opened his mouth and closed it again, a short, nervous breath escaping him.

And then Patton leaned forward and kissed him.

Logan’s lips were slightly chapped, and he tasted a hint of vanilla frosting from the massive sheet cake downstairs; it was brief yet lingering, and when Patton drew back, Logan’s eyes looked starry behind his glasses.

And before Patton could even open his mouth to speak, Logan took his face in his hands and kissed him again, sweet and awkward and achingly tender. Their glasses clinked together. Patton could feel Logan’s nervous heartbeat through his chest, thumping in tandem with his own.

It felt like a puzzle piece had slid into place.

When Logan pulled away, there was a brief, suspended moment of pure wonder as they stared at each other. And then Patton started giggling. He felt giddy, like he was a can of soda that had been shaken and was now bubbling up everywhere. He was sparkling, fizzy.

Logan cracked a grin, shy and bashful but dazzling, and Patton’s heart felt so full.

“So,” he said, giggling.

“So.” Logan replied.

“Did I ever tell you you look cute in red?” Patton grinned, nodding at Logan’s Harvard shirt. Logan’s flush deepened.

“I don’t believe so.”

“I guess I better tell you more often, then.”

“I suppose you should.”

Later, Roman would burst into the room, reprimands about ditching the party dying on his tongue when he sees their joined hands. Later, they would have to endure endless teasing and scrutiny from their friends, various ‘I called it’-s and ‘I told you so’-s. Later, they would officially call themselves boyfriends, the word thrilling and new.

But for now, on the floor of his attic bedroom, Logan’s hand in his, Patton felt time stretch before him, golden and bright, and he found that he wasn’t scared at all.

[saint-sebastian-coded]

20 questions for fic writers

tagged by @mrv3000

1. how many works do you have on Ao3? 195

2. what's your total Ao3 word count? 403 068

3. what fandoms do you write for? percy jackson and the olympians, heroes of olympus, trials of apollo, kane chronicles, magnus chase and the gods of asgard, nevermoor, her royal highness, roots of chaos, x-men (films mostly but some comic bleedover), avatar the last airbender, the legend of korra, the kyoshi novels, marvel cinematic universe, bbc ghosts, a song of ice and fire, doctor who, the locked tomb, star wars (prequels mostly), spiderman comics, rosewood chronicles, derry girls, dc (vaguely, comics)

4. what are your top five fics by kudos?

rot with all the burnouts in the cell (dc marvel crossover)

oh my brother, my brother, my brother (who have you become in the wake of all that's happened?) (star wars timetravel)

breezeblocks bricking up my heart (my take on a dadneto reveal)

water into wine (five times percy was the son of dionysus and one time he was the son of poseidon)

5. do you respond to comments? i do my best

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

that's relative and i have so many fics that this probably isn't accurate but by my own measure it's probably don't want to fight the tide (nevermoor fic, being immortal sucks)

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

again that's relative but i'd say there's a million roads to rediscover (pjo/hoo five times jason missed his sister, and one time he saw her again)

8. Do you get hate on fics?

occasionally i get like smarmy comments like one on a certain fic that the timeline didn't line up (it did + i had page references + it was tagged canon divergence anyway) but not really

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

i have one so ig lesbian threesomes??

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written?

i write so many crossovers i love putting characters in situations. probably rot with all the burnouts in the cell since it involved a ton of drama

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

not that i'm aware of

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

i think one of them but i can't remember which one. (technically this is studying) i'm trying to translate a few of my drabbles into scots gaelic

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

in part like it got started and then i got ghosted before anything else happened

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

the couple i've written the most about is a tie between morridence, fierrochase, and jadie, but i'd say i get the most feelings about ruegard

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Great the Roman is coming up to its third year anniversary this month and i only hit the halfway point a few months ago so we'll see

16. What are your writing strengths?

lesbians. probably emotional stuff if i'm being serious

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

plot. its part of the reason i only do oneshots about 1k-3k but i'd like to work on more big fics. part of the reason was i started a bunch back in 2021 and i'm still working on two of them

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

one of my fics has some dialogue in scots gaelic but i cannot remember for the life of me if its supposed to be 'S ann or 'S e form and its haunting me

19. First fandom you wrote for?

fun fact: i originally wrote on wattpad and published a fierrochase fic on the release day of the hammer of thor. it's called fierrochase and it Sucks but it might actually be the first one ever which is fun if not slightly haunting

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

well you don't know me. but i know you it's a asoiaf time travel fic from the pov of people who don't know. i feel like i really pushed myself with characterisation on it

tagging people who i think write fic @tragedykery @lesmiserablol @oh-hush-its-perfect @thebigqueer @aphrodititi @ethannku @speedytherandom

[krastbannert]

Tagged by @noexoozes

20 Questions for Fic Writers

1. How many works do you have on Ao3? 69 (nice) on my main account, with 5 on another account. And then there's a few here and there I've deleted over the years.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count? 188,387 words.

3. What fandoms do you write for? Avatar: The Last Airbender, Avatar: The Legend of Korra, Tron: Legacy, The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim, The Dragon Prince, Mass Effect, Destiny, and Horizon (as in Horizon: Zero Dawn and Forbidden West). At one point I had a Halo fic but that's been deleted. And then I've got a few original works.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

to that loyal heart (you're forever sixteen) - Zuko and the 41st Division, and what it means to those who will never forget what Zuko did.

Twin Flames - Azula-centric, post redemption, where she meets her niece, Izumi, for the first time, and finds that they have something in common.

those stories written in your skin - Zuko and his various tattoos, and the story of a journey around the world.

Lonely - Fire Hazard Siblings-centric, a small, quiet moment on Ember Island where both, for the first time, feel safe.

Wash These Stones - sequel to to that loyal heart (you're forever sixteen), about Chit Sang, the 41st Division, the loss of a child, and the healing that comes years later.

5. Do you respond to comments? I try to respond to all of them, but I kinda...lost track and stopped around 8 or 9 months ago. I recently responded to a lot of them, finally.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? The multishipping discord kinda hated for Hey, Pretty Boy, my modern AU Yuekka oneshot told from Yue's perspective. They thought that was really angsty. And the Taangst Week pieces I did were, to the other Taang fans, pretty scaring (still waiting for Taangst Week II: Electric Boogaloo). But I think the angstiest fic I've ever written is either The Abyss or Escaping the Shells - both have no happiness, no comfort, no catharsis. They're just about what's left when the battle is over, and the hollow shells of people that the fighting leaves behind.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending? Probably Across That Glimmering Sea, the story I wrote for the Fire Nation Recovery Zine - about the world letting out its breath after the war, and learning to live again - or maybe Go For Broke, the true story of a real-life hero. If planned endings are counted, probably either Brave Soldier Girl or not with a whimper (but a roar like thunder).

8. Do you get hate on fics? Ehhhh depends on your definition of hate. I haven't gotten any of the classic hate comments that a lot of my friends have gotten, but Brave Soldier Girl has gotten some pretty heated negative comments on the last two chapters.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? I have, but I've written so little that I don't really think I have a type, per say. I have written any in a while.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest one you’ve written? I have not written a crossover. Thought about it, years ago, but haven't.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? Not to my knowledge.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before? I've been a beta reader, but that's it.

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh honestly, I have no idea. I love a lot of ships for a lot of reasons, so it's really hard to pick.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will? At this point? All of them. Realistically, tamehegane (my swordsmith!Azula AU) and hold you like a hand grenade (Azula & Ursa, companion to Brave Soldier Girl).

16. What are your writing strengths? Recurring motifs to represent characters and the story, and digging into the thoughts and feelings of characters so they feel real.

17. What are your writing weaknesses? The act of writing. Not kidding. I suck at actually sitting down and writing. Also, general confidence in my writing (hard to feel like you're actually a good writer when almost no one reads the majority of what you've written in the last two years). Those are probably linked together in a way I don't really feel like examining too closely.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I've tried it; something about it doesn't feel right, probably because I only speak English fluently.

19. First fandom you wrote for? The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim

20. Favourite fic you’ve written? Oh, man. Neither are finished, but probably Brave Soldier Girl or not with a whimper (but a roar like thunder). So much I have planned for both, so much research for both, so much work and emotion that I'm trying to put into each one. It's hard to say which one is realistically my favorite.

Tagging @authorjoydragon @thiscryptidischronicallyyours @mycomfortblanket @nyamadermont and whoever else wants to consider themselves tagged!

[saunteredserpent]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Spread the self-love ❤️

hiii Jenna thank you for sending this in 🩷

I would say,, my personal top five fics I've written would have to be, in no specific order of absolute favorite, would be:

Fair Day

Whatever I Had, I Finally Sat Alone

Andante, Andante

We Can Speak In Flowers

And Maybe, Just Maybe I'll Come Home

ngl I'm for some reason actually lowkey nervous about the fact that these are all only kingdom hearts fics and that I haven't written and posted nearly enough for any of my other fandoms (looks at my good omens florist!Crowley au I started writing a few months ago and posted the first chapter of but that I still have yet to update. sweats.) but. I'll give a brief synopsis for these fics, as well as my personal thoughts and feelings regarding each one, below the readmore:

Fair Day was a sorikai request fluff fic I got a few years ago, and to this day I still think it turned out really cute and fluffy for sure. essentially, the plot for this one is Kairi breaks her leg and is bored/frustrated being cooped up at home while in recovery, and the boys decide to cheer her up by taking her to the Destiny Islands' yearly fair. cute and fluffy shenanigans ensue.

WIHIFSA is a post-DDD, pre-III Sora character study fic I wrote for a now former friend, and even though I'm no longer friends with that person the fic itself is one of the pieces I'm still proud of having written ngl. I wanted to tap into Sora's headspace and emotions regarding... pretty much everything leading up to that point, and I feel like I might have done a decent job? I mean, I did give the poor kid a lowkey anxiety attack in the fic itself, but. y'know. he deserves to have those moments where he breaks down, and I will not take criticism or questions on this ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Andante, Andante is the post-kh III terraqua fic I wrote back after the game came out. it remains to be both the first ever kingdom hearts fic I ever wrote and the first one I ever posted, and it's one that as a result of this will forever hold a special place in my heart tbh.

We Can Speak In Flowers is a Kairi and Leon friendship piece I actually wrote as a gift for a roleplay partner of mine (who ofc writes Leon/Squall where I write Kairi), and is by far in my opinion quite possibly one of the BEST fics I've written, even for being a oneshot. I had a fun time researching flower language and flower symbolisms for the fic itself and while I was admittedly also somewhat anxious about how I portrayed Leon for this one, I feel like I managed to pull off his characterization decently enough.

and finally, last but not least: And Maybe, Just Maybe I'll Come Home is another one that just. honestly remains to hold a special place in my heart forever. it's an au I wrote after watching the DreamWorks Sinbad movie and thinking to myself 'okay, but what if this plotlime but polyamory and sorikai 👀'

but yee!! if anyone is interested in going to read these, y'all have my permission and you're more than welcome to comment or kudos or however it is you wish to engage with them after doing so!!

[withercrown]

20 questions for fic writers

Tagged by @spicedrobot!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

26!

2. What's your total A03 word count?

561,816

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Star Wars. I wrote OFMD and some Tolkien but I don't often stray outside my main.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Curse of Hospitality, an OFMD Stede x Izzy fic about Stede taking care of Izzy while he's sick. I wrote it for the approximate one month I was into the show haha.

Found, a BobaDin fic where Boba is deaf. Actually one of the first fics I did for Star Wars!

Mand'alor Darasuum, a DinMaul longfic where Maul saves Grogu from Gideon instead of Luke. This is probably the fic I'm proudest of and enjoyed writing the most. :)

Stardust Legacies, a DinLuke fic that I'm always very close to deleting. I am glad I wrote it for a lot of reasons, but it needed way more work than it got and I don't have the energy nor desire to improve it. But hey, some people really like it.

Memories of Water, an ObiMaul longfic where they train Luke on Tatooine together. Super happy with this one.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I respond always. I just think it's good form. I'm also looking for community in the fandom, not just one-sided praise.

6. What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Fateful Absence, most likely. It's not really angsty? It's just not a happy ending. I'm not a whump person tbh.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

Ferine Love Language! It's the sweetest ending more than the happiest I think, but it's the one that makes me happiest.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

Yes, on DinLuke fics, from DinLuke fans. Outright flames, weird/entitled comments, pestering for updates or bitching about creative choices. I stopped being interested in the pairing once I discovered TCW thankfully, because honestly it just wasn't a nice community.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

I do! But not often. I tend to write awkward sex. I think it's more fun to write about first times realistically.

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Nope!

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

Not that I'm aware of.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Not for a long time. In my former fandoms I had some stuff translated into Chinese but that's all I remember.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Again, a long time ago. I would absolutely love to collaborate on Star Wars fics sometime though. :)

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

Realistically, probably ObiMaul. But DarthFett is an extremely close second. They're both wonderful but in completely different ways.

15. What's the WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

An ObiMaul (or) JangObi dating sim. I wrote/coded probably 70k of it and it was good, but dating sims are obviously a bit more likely to get litigated against, among other things. I'd really love to do something with it, given that we had some great art for it, but I'm not sure how that will pan out.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Long stories. I feel like I'm good at pacing a story and bringing together plot threads into a cohesive ending.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

SHORTER STORIES. I really struggle with oneshots. I've written quite a few but it always takes so much longer. I can sit on a oneshot for months and months before feeling like it's finished.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language for a fic?

I think it can be done well, but don't just stick stuff into google translate and hope for the best. I think using Mando'a words for texture, for instance, can be really good.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Oh man. Silence of the Lambs, I think?

20. Favorite fic you've ever written?

Faith's Fetters. It's the only fic that I've really done a deep dive into the potential relationship between Vader and Maul. I think it's the most interesting fic I've written, too.

[luvwich]

2023 in review

(for real this time)

the short version: i started writing fanfic this year. it's been lovely. i've written two longfics with some spinoffs, all collected into two series, plus a one-shot. i wrote 242,000 words.

91.9 Royal Blue is Valerie and River being angsty idiots

Hypercritical is Vania and Tiny Mike being angsty idiots

and Red-black is an ultra-short oneshot about Songbird; no idiots, just angst

this is also my first time even engaging in a fandom in this way, and i've been delighted to become acquainted with you tumblr folks. i'll echo the sentiment i see a lot: that even if all we've done is reblog each other a few times with blathering tags, i see you as a friend, and you have done me an enrichment.

much longer version under the cut:

before this year, my only experience writing any kind of fiction was roleplaying - ages and ages ago, but something of an illustrious career, looking back. it was actually not bad practice when it came to flowery description, dialogue, and characterization. it was horrible preparation on the matter of actually constructing a plot.

then i saw River Ward's arms and realized i needed to figure out how to do plot, and quick!

Arpeggio

so like many of us, i thought river was dreamy and his quests totally unsatisfying. i also saw someone shit-talking River somewhere complain that their corpo V would never want to hang out with river because he’s an unemployed cop living with his sister, blah blah blah classist tripe, don’t get me started, but it did get me started thinking about what it would look like for a bitchy corpo V and river to fall in love. Valerie sprang from that; Arpeggio sprang from Valerie.

hi, Valerie.

so, i thought i just wanted to write a steamy river ward romance that was more satisfying than the meatless canon plot. it turns out i wanted to write an ode to everything wrong about myself, and to every shitty relationship i've had, and to death and loss. it happens. here's how it starts:

Thwap-bap! Synleather on synleather: two strong, clean hits to the punching bag. Thwapbapbap. A sandstorming morning, or afternoon — hard to keep track of time with the sun hidden and the world bathed in rust. Days like this you couldn’t even see the skyline out there; all you had was a twenty-foot radius, and within that you could imagine yourself just about anywhere. River had always kind of enjoyed the storms for that reason.

i pumped out the first eleven chapters in like a month (?!), posting as i went, from late march through april. i was shocked to get even one reader, and didn't get a lot more than that for a long while. then i fell off for a little while due to work. but then i received a single, innocent comment asking when the next chapter would be posted, and that was apparently enough to make another thirteen chapters fly out of me just in june and july.

around then i hit what i think of as the third and final "act" of Arpeggio, and the wind fell out of my sails again. i'd hit the 100k mark, had no idea if anyone was even reading it, and convinced myself the last ten chapters i'd posted were garbage and everyone had fallen off. i still loved my story & my characters, i was bursting with ideas, but felt the sudden pressure of needing to wrap everything up in a way that did justice to my vision and didn't waste anyone's time who'd bothered to read that far.

as with everything in my life, i had only the vaguest idea of how i was going to get to where i was going. i decided to batten down the hatches and actually try to plan how to get there, which slowed my pace some.

i also decided to start something new, with the express purpose of giving myself something light-hearted, sexy, and most importantly way the fuck shorter than Arpeggio to work on while i was finishing up the latter. i'd limit myself to ten chapters. i'd keep the plot tight and focused. there'd be a lot of fucking. yay! and a big part of the intent was to "prove to myself" that i could finish something. and so i started on:

Jaded

Arpeggio featured Tiny Mike as a fling, and it was played for awkwardness and absurdity, but i found him really fun to write. i had also just started a new playthrough with a new V (still a corpo — i'm really just a particular kind of bitch, truth be told), so i thought i'd throw her into some mischief.

hi Vania.

if Valerie is the parts of me that suck and are chaotic, Vania is all the scared and cute parts.

man, look at them!! *throws them both in the bug zapper*

i managed to finish Jaded in the space of about a month, from july-august. i thought it turned out wicked fun, and clicking "post" on that final chapter gave me a taste of satisfaction and accomplishment that was enough to see me through to the end of Arpeggio.

here's an excerpt from the first chapter.

Sundays always mean something. They mean something even to a dropout merc who hasn't seen the inside of a house of God in years. The last time Mike had been to church, the price of a can of ChroManticore was in the single-digit eurodollars. Even so, Sunday's no day to spend propped against a bathtub that's coated with a half inch of unidentified bio-pudding, no day to spend wheezing at death's doorstep, no day to be wondering where the smell of yourself ends and the smell of the squalid safehouse begins. Sundays are for family, beers, cleaning your guns. Not this shit.

then PL came out and i wrote a quick oneshot about Songbird.

Red-black

i could easily write more about Red-black than there are actual words in the thing, but i won't. it's a bittersweet 69 sesh with a cyborg. it's about betrayal and bodies. i'm pleased with it. i might expand on it one day, but to be frank, i don't think i can write extensively about Songbird in a way the character deserves without my life being in a way darker place than it is right now. so if you see me add a second chapter to this fic, maybe check in on me.

i finished Arpeggio in october, seven months after i started posting it. 154,347 words. i like how it turned out. i've finally stopped going back to make tweaks (although just the other day i was re-reading a chapter and was like what the fuck is this word choice? what did i even mean here? and i changed it, so i guess that was a lie. Valerie is based on me, folks!).

i'm proud of it and everything else i've written, even in moments when all i can see is flaws upon re-reading. some people read it all the way through, which is wild to me! some of them even say they liked it! world's a crazy place.

here's an excerpt from toward the end.

Wind gathered over the churning Pacific to chap her lips and ruin her hair, snarling it like the waves which crashed the battered wood. Soft gusts billowed through her jacket, touched the base of her spine, and reminded her that everything was so very enormous, and that she was yet alive, and that a great spirit ruled this ocean and always had. This is lovely, Johnny said, resting an unreal hand on her shoulder. But we gotta get back to work, princess. “Yeah. Well, let’s go check out some shops, first.”

in 2024 i probably won't write as many words, but i have a few things planned:

more Vania: Crescent & Redwood is an ongoing sequel to Jaded and a fix-it for one of the PL endings

weatherman says there's an 85% chance of more Tiny Mike porn appearing under Fixer-uppers (and obviously a 100% chance of it in Crescent)

more Valerie: i have some more Val and Riv plotted out — mostly casefics and slices of life — but i need to be in a real fucking mood to write her these days

a really quite raunchy romp with President Myers is almost done baking

i have a Solomon Reed ditty on the backburner

who the fuck knows

anyway, even if all you've read of my writing was a snippet or two i've shared on tumblr, thanks so much for reading. seeya in '24.

[the-one-who-lambs]

You said in a post that you were ok with asking about wrighting stuff so here I go-

How would someone go about improving their wrighting? Are there any exorcises to do that will help get better? People have told me that my wrighting is good but rarely tell me what I should do to improve on things im not good at and make the things I am good at even better

As for improvement, there are two main factors: practice and feedback.

For practice:

Make it a habit. Obviously, writing every single day is unrealistic. But it should be something you can get into a routine of doing if you enjoy writing! Some writers work on/update their projects sporadically, some churn out 50k words in a month, some focus on one project or smaller projects-- there's no way for me to tell you what works best for you personally, so developing a routine is a good way to teach you what does. The more often you write, the quicker you'll likely improve.

That said, if you're writing and find yourself stuck on a scene, don't be afraid to step away from it. If you have an idea for a scene that comes after what you're working on, there's no shame in giving yourself a little annotation or placeholder, and then just writing a scene that'll come later. Often, the transition comes as you work on the next scene!

I have favorite writing exercises I like to do when my writing feels stale. To me, it's the same as stretching your body to make sure you keep your body active and engaged, or warming up before going on a run; I do writing exercises that I never intend to necessarily "put" anywhere in my longer WIPs (or sometimes they turn into oneshots!). A few exercises I love:

Write your idea in a different genre, with a different point of view, or different tense than you're used to writing in. The drawback: sometimes it's hard to switch back. I typically write in past tense, but did an exercise in writing present tense a few months ago. When I went back to working on my WIP, I found myself switching and making constant tense changes by accident that I had to edit out later.

The classic "drabble." Take one idea and break it down as abstractly as you can. Then, write a story that is 100 words exactly. This is a fun one to test how clearly you can get your idea across concisely and eloquently.

My personal favorite is a sentence structure exercise. If your syntax sounds flat, grab a book and flip to a random page, and pick a random paragraph. Then, break up the sentences you read into chunks/clauses, and try to rewrite the sentence/paragraph you originally wrote in this new sentence structure. Obviously, don't copy phrases from the source material you're looking at to practice with, but trying to rewrite your style in a new voice often lets you branch out into writing in ways you'd never thought to try before! I'll give you an example of this exercise, actually, and walk through the steps as I'm working through it myself:

If you're writing a first draft, ignore this step, but sometimes I like to do this while editing. Pick a sentence (or a few) that you're not happy with. Here's the original sentence I wrote: “So why do we start the day with basic berry bowls?” The Lamb asked Narinder when they reached the cooking pot.

Pick a book and pick a sentence or two. "It's what Mom wants," his sister said again, and all three of them knew the depth and complexity of their mother's wishes, their mother's whimsy. (Source: Half Spent by Alice McDermott)

Break the sentence into chunks. This is a compound-complex sentence with an independent clause, a conjunction followed by another independent clause, then a dependent clause. "It's what Mom wants" is a declarative sentence spoken in dialogue. his sister said again is an action phrase. and all three of them knew the depth and complexity of their mother's wishes begins with a conjuction and goes on to describe internal reactions to the action phrase. their mother's whimsy is a dependent clause that makes use of repetition to emphasize the traits of a particular character. You don't have to get this specific when breaking down syntax, and you certainly don't have to write all this out, I'm explaining all the technical stuff for the sake of the example! So, we have: "Declarative dialogue" (subject) (verb phrase) (conjunction) (other subject) (verb) (objects) (repetition of object).

Now let's restructure the sentence I originally wrote, imitating the syntax from the example! "We start the day with basic berry bowls," the Lamb told Narinder, as if he didn't know what he had eaten over the past three years for every breakfast, every single morning.

The revised sentence doesn't have much narrative similarity with the sentence I'd used as a reference, but it reads with roughly the same syntax. If I fall into a habit of writing dialogue that reads all the same way, like this-- "Dialogue dialogue dialogue." Character said as they did some sort of action. -- then I can practice this exercise and get my flow back.

...Anyway. One last tip for practicing: please take regular breaks. It's tempting to get into the Writing Zone and go at it for five hours straight, only to realize afterwards that you're severely dehydrated and have skipped two meals and you're about to piss your pants like a racehorse if you take a step with a centimeter too long of a stride. This is especially important if you're writing on a computer; give your eyes a screen break! PLEASE.

And read!!! Not just other fanfics, but published stories as well!

For feedback:

Yeah, it's intimidating, but ask people for constructive criticism. Get a writing buddy who will cheer you on and be their hype buddy as well. (This may or may not be why like 75% of my friends I met through the cult of the lamb fandom are also fic writers: I see someone write with me and we are kids playing with barbies and I am inviting everyone to play our fun little game of pretend.) Work through edits with them and forgive yourself for not being perfect. Remember that you are doing this for your own enjoyment and it should not stress you out too much. It is okay to be frustrated with your own work, though, as it can be grounds for improvement!

Get a beta reader if you'd like to help you catch any errors. I know people who find them tremendously helpful, and I also know people who prefer not to have one because they feel it adds unnecessary pressure to a hobby that is for their enjoyment. It's up to you! I don't have an official beta reader but, uh, @surfdudeboy might as well be at this point.

If you find yourself having to explain your work (especially before you show it), that's probably a sign that you need to communicate more clearly in your work.

Take critique gracefully and respectfully when you receive it (as long as whomever is giving you genuine constructive criticism isn't being outright unkind). Thank them for their time but don't treat all reviews as if they have equal merit.

Also, learning how to critique and give feedback to other people's writing will make you a stronger writer as well, because you're practicing how to recognize what works and what doesn't work, and how to identify why a piece of writing has a particular effect.

Think of writers you admire or writers whose style inspires you. Think about what you appreciate about their works, and see if you can try it out. It's also worth a shot to go to them and ask for writing tips.

Look! You're already doing this step well, because you reached out for advice! Hooray!

Overall:

It's okay to make mistakes. You are allowed to love your work and be proud of it, as the writer you are now, while also seeking to improve.

Don't feel pressured to remove the parts of your writing that make it yours.

If you're working on a long-form project, indulge in some shorter projects along the way as well. Writing isn't an ultramarathon, it's a few miles max a day. While in the depths of the "enemies" stage of The Risen Lamb and the Fallen God, I suddenly had a massive craving to write the fluffiest cuddliest bullshit and later on some unabashed poetic yearning ( <- thanks to Sara for the hammer of a brainworm that made me write that poem). Keep your eye on the prize for the longer project, but don't burn yourself out trying to stick to one thing and one thing only!

Finally, leave yourself little notes while you write about your own symbolism, about your characters, and about your writing process. Watch your growth, so that when you doubt you've come as far as you have, you know where to go to prove your mean thoughts wrong.

Happy writing, and best wishes! You've GOT THIS <3 !!!!

[blossomxlush]

hehehe back at it again

Alright so the origin for this story (I have no idea why I said origin) was that I really wanted to see someone write an izuru Kamakura x reader story where reader was like yumemi yumemite (best girl) from kakeguri only to come to the sad realization.. nobody wrote a story like that So im becoming my dream and writing it for myself (and all my other lovely izuru simps) (tell me why I wrote Simps and it auto corrected to Simpsonville..) Anyways I'mma shut up now with the boring origin and get on with the story 😚 (damnit I said origin again - modhiyoko after finishing the story)

Izuru Kamakura with a S/O that's like yumemi yumemite

p. s this is so long I almost fell asleep before finishing it

another p. s I'm so sorry for my masculine readers but the reader for today's story is female Sorry!

okay so for this we know that you are the shsl popstar (aka super high school level popstar)

(I added that because my idiotic self didn't know what shsl meant until a few months ago)

also rl quick I'mma define who yumemi yumemite is rl quick

(IF YOU HAVEN'T WATCHED KAKEGURI YET THERE ARE SPOILERS)

Yumemi yumemite is a popstar who only became a popstar because it was supposed to be a temporary hold until she became an actress but she realized that she went places she never thought she would have gone before by being a popstar (she actually said that in one episode) She realized that playing this character was really fun and worth much more then she thought she did hate her fans but even after getting exposed her fans still loved her but she has anger issues either way (like me 😘) so basically she's a batshit crazy popstar and you either love her or hate her because she's a Psycho but adorable (hope that explains it)

okay now I'm actually gonna start with the head cannons

(BTW this is all from my perspective and what I think would happen it's probably a little fannon instead of cannon

Starting off I'll say this everytime you were very interesting to him

on how you could hold up the sweet act for so long in front of a person who disgusts you

how you could fool everyone into thinking that you loved them when you absolutely loathed them

that caught his attention

what also caught his attention was your adorableness

but he could also perfectly see through all of that adorableness was anger and something not so sweet

(a lot of this next part is based off of the episode where yumemi goes up against her icon yukizome in a gamble)

he was for once surprised on how you would have the courage to break your own finger for an act

just to win a gamble

he was truly mesmerized by you

now this is relationship hcs

your anger issues where not a problem for him

he is very patient and is amazing at calming you down

(when she gets mad she litterly flips over tables in her dressing room)

so if you made a mess like this after helping you calm down like he would cuddle you and play with your hair of gently kiss you and bring you somewhere more quiet and alone (probably his dorm or something)

he would help you calm down more there

but he would refuse to leave you alone

he won't leave until your calm because he doesn't want you to go through something like that alone

and after your calmed down he would go back and help put every thing back in its place

if you tried to apologize for acting up

he would immediately shut it down and reassure you it's alright and not your fault for getting angered easily

also if your having trouble with stalker or creepy fans you got a bodyguard by your side

all in all this man loves you very much whether or not your a pretty little Psycho

I got one last little thingy for y'all hehe

am I going to tell you what it is NOPE it's a surprise one shot

(here's a hint if your a girl who loves flowers you'll love this oneshot)

One of yours shows was about to start and you where a nervous wreck why? because this is the first show your boyfriend izuru Kamakura was going to be at but even through all that nervousness you stepped on that stage ready to perform this wasn't a gamble show just one of your usual concerts but you were even more nervous about this rather then your gambles

but your going to give it your all

after the show

Hearing all of the people in the audience giving their applause you gave a bow and said your usual thanks for everyone coming walking into your dressing room you got a text from your boyfriend izuru Kamakura

izuru: I have something for you

you: oh?.. what is it?

just then you heard a knock on your dressing room door your assistant offered to get it but you did instead you open it to find izuru Kamakura standing outside your door holding something

you were very nervous on his thoughts on the show but you were still curious about what he had for you

hello ízuru you smiled at him walking out the dressing room closing the door behind you

he didn't reply but he did hand you something

a bouquet of [insert favorite flowers]

you blushed at it then looked up him

he then spoke softly "I got these because there not only as beautiful as you but now I realized their also beautiful like your singing"

you were about to say something before he continued

"don't doubt if when I say you truly are beautiful and might I say adorable when you smile after your performance how you are so full of energy on stage how you don't fail to thank everyone for being there... it's seems I have found myself falling more and more Inlove with you each time you show me a new side of you" he said then smiled a bit before placing a kiss on your lips

i-izuru you said tumbling your words not being able to even tell if you were still awake

you felt like you were going to collapse or melt from all the sweetness

he pulled you into a hug once he noticed your blushing form leaning forward

"don't faint dear" he chuckled

I can't it's to sweet you replied

"you think this is sweet I'm just merely showing the surface of sweetness because -" he cut off before leaning down to whisper in your ear before continuing

"I have a lot more sweetness saved for you later tonight"

EEEEEEEK I hope this was a good enough make up for the last story I half assed.

who wants a NSFW part two? just me? alright 🥲

stay spooky-modhiyoko

[kasienda]

Fanfiction Year in Review 2022

I fill this out every year. It’s become a bit of a tradition for me. Allows me to reflect on everything that I’ve written and kinda think about where I want to go next. And I like it better from the ask games because I don’t have to wait for asks to come in. ^_^

1 List of fics completed this year in the order they were finished:

Don’t You Know People Care? (Adrino oneshot)

When You Love Someone (Love Square oneshot Reveal)

Rite of Passage (Love Square multichapter)

Meddlesome Friends (Love Square + Meddling Nino oneshot)

I Needed You and You Weren’t There (Love Square onshot)

Restorative Justice (Core Five - Chloé POV - multichapter -features love square and friendship fairly prominently)

2 Number of words written: 

Written: 99,297

Published: 64,582

This number irritates me. It’s SO CLOSE to 100k and I just didn’t have time in the last few days to throw myself over the edge. And there’s a one shot that I think only needs about an hour of focused work. But I guess that’ll have to be a 2023 fic! Haha! BUT it’s also way higher than I thought it would be even if it’s less than half I what I wrote last year (and I published about a third of what I what I published last year). And that comparison is probably why it felt like I wasn’t writing much this year. But my 2019 numbers were almost exactly the same and I was SO EXCITED about how much I wrote that year. Which just goes to show comparison is bad! And when it comes to comparing myself to others I think I’ve internalized that years ago, but apparently I shouldn’t compare myself to myself either. Because I KNOW why I wasn’t able to write as much this year, and yet, I still wrote! And that’s amazing!! 

Those published numbers include four one shots, two multi chapters. And four multi chapter WIPs saw at least one update.

3 Your most popular fic:

Restorative Justice, which is bizarre. I started writing this one closer to the fandom peak three years ago. And at the time, this fic was my LEAST popular. Chapter 4 took me almost a year to get out. And then Chapter 5 did take more than a year, but when I posted chapter five I got a lot more attention here than on anything else I’ve written this year. It wasn’t a whole lot more than Ch 3 got when it was posted though.

4 Your personal fav:

It’s Still Right Behind You and I imagine it will keep being this one until I finish it. My goal was to finish it this year, but that didn’t even come close to happening. Last year, I managed to update this one pretty consistently each month. If I had maintained that pace THIS year, it would have been almost complete I think, but I don’t think I would have made it. It has about 14-16 updates left. So another year and some change? *crossing my fingers* But Restorative Justice is a close second because it is also deeply personal - just from a different aspect of my life, and I do have a few unpublished WIPs that I’m also super in love with that I hope I will get to share before too much time has passed. 

5 Your fav scene:

It’s so hard to pick a favorite!!

Okay, I loved the way Chapter four of Yin and Yang extended the same scene at the end of chapter three. The way Marinette’s and Adrien’s individual revelations dovetailed together at that moment was just so neat!

I’m also really really really proud of the When You Love Someone reveal oneshot (which wasn’t ACTUALLY a oneshot - this scene is from Right Behind You chapters 6 and 9). This oneshot was essentially a love square break up chapter, but what I love about it is how much love there is in it from beginning to end. How much they care for each other shines through every part of it. I made myself cry multiple times writing this scene, and I can sometimes still cry when I reread it.

6 A fic or scene that challenged you:

It’s all challenging right now, but let’s go with Restorative Justice. As mentioned already, it took me more than a year to update chapter five of this fic, but we did it 50 words at a time! 

7 A line of writing you’re proud of: 

“I’m right here” - from chapter 3 of Rite of Passage. Here it is with a tiny bit of context: 

“But that’s not the hard part.” 

“What’s the hard part?”

“He was my best friend, and I miss him so much.” Her voice broke on the last word and her face crumpled into wracking sobs. 

Adrien or not, he instantly pulled her into his shoulder, and held her while she cried herself out. He didn’t say anything. He knew that if he said anything at all, he’d tell her everything.

And he wasn’t sure how bad that would be. He couldn’t talk to Fu or even to Plagg for all that the kwami was six inches away as evidenced by the fact that the wedge of cheese had disappeared even though he had never laid eyes on the black kwami. 

“I just wish I knew what happened to him,” she said, her voice cracking.

The pain in her voice broke him.

“I’m right here,” he said softly, placing a kiss on the side of her head.

This scene also has fanart! - by @botherkupo (I’ve been reading that as brother kupo forever... oops!)

8 A comment that touched you: 

Look, I can never answer this question. There are too many. There are my regulars who have literally taken care of me this year as I struggled with moderate depression and then repeated illness (myself and my children). And there are the comments that let me know that something I wrote has an impact on them and that’s really neat.

An example from Rosalind2013 this past week on Restorative Justice:

This is one of my favorite stories now! Thank you so much for sharing!

I feel like I learned a lot. And I really enjoyed Chloe’s characterization here!

Really and truly, I think it’s often hard for us (or at least me) to think of “mean” people as being victims too. The things I learned are things that are going to alter how I interact with people going forward, and I really appreciate you taking the time to explain everything in your notes!

Like woah!! I’m floored and squealing!

9 Something that inspired your writing:

Honestly? Spite. Haha! I keep encountering takes or reading things that irritate me and that often inspires me to write a fic that does it the way I would want it to be in the world to counter that perspective. But most of the spite writing I’ve done this year has yet to come out. So hopefully, ya’ll get to benefit from that in 2023! :)

10 Your proudest accomplishment (that one scene; finally finishing that one fic; posting your first fic; etc):

Honestly, the fact that I wrote anything is kinda amazing. 2020 and 2021 were really good writing years for me (like insanely good), and it’s been frustrating to not be able to maintain that flow. I spent the first half of 2022 in a barely functional level of depression and the second half taking care of sick children. People keep telling me that I don’t have to feel pressured to write - that we all need to take breaks, and I don’t disagree. But writing for me has always been one of my biggest coping tools, and this year, it felt like I couldn’t rely on it and it always seemed like a bad sign to me when I wanted to write and had time, but couldn’t do it mentally or emotionally. Every time I think I’m back in my writing groove, my life explodes again. So here’s me wishing and hoping that things actually stay calm for like the whole next 12 months! (It’s likely a pipe dream, but one can hope).

11 Do you have any writing goals for the next year?

I want to start making progress on Right Behind You again. I had a setback where I wrote a chapter and found it narratively redundant and scrapped the whole thing which was discouraging and made it hard to start again. And I really want to update each of my current unfinished WIPs at least once (hopefully more than once!), and get out some of these unpublished love square WIPs that I’ve been sitting on. (And maybe an Adrino one as well!!) Basically, I want to do all the writing! Haha!

But my main goal is really just to find my writing groove again to be able to use writing as a more reliable mental health support and creative outlet. Wish me luck!!

Happy New Year Everyone!! 

[contrivedchaos]

Fic writers' 2022 roundup:

I've never done one of these before, but I was tagged by @pikapeppa, so I'll give it a shot!

Words written: 54,050. It's not a lot, but other than the year I wrote my master's thesis, it's the most actual writing I've done in a long time, fanfic or otherwise. I'll count it as an accomplishment!

Smut scenes: Oof. Let's see. 6? We'll go with 6. Across four different fics.

New things I tried: Within the last 12 months, I've dipped my toes into the Arcane fandom and finished/posted 3 parts for my (ongoing?) three-part CaitVi series: Every Small Disaster, Say My Name (Like an Elegy), and It's Psychosomatic. It's been so much fun! Hopefully I'll find another opportunity to do more for this pairing. I definitely want to write more of them in the future!

Fic I spent the most time on: My longest fic was Where The Time Goes. I started Chlodine Week 5 years ago for this tiny, desperately-hanging-on fandom, but never wrote anything substantial for it beyond a few oneshots. This year I spent 2-3 months working on a labor of love that I never expected to go anywhere. It was a fic almost entirely for myself, and so far it's my favorite thing I've ever written. I was so happy when it was finished.

Fic I spent the least time on: The first fic for my CaitVi series, Every Small Disaster. (This was technically posted Christmas of 2021, but I'll count it) It was my first time dipping my toes into the Arcane fandom, and I think it came out swimmingly!

Favorite thing I wrote: Definitely Where The Time Goes. Chlodine will always have a special place in my heart. I can't think of a fandom that's more dear to me than the Uncharted fandom. It's been a light through the toughest years of my life so far. I owe a lot to it, and particularly the Chlodine ship. I don't see it being outranked as my OTP any time soon.

Favorite fic(s) I read: I've read so many AMAZING things this year. This list will be DIFFICULT to narrow down. Here goes:

Violence and Variations by Thisisatree (@dancing-b0nes): The Locked Tomb has made up the majority of my fic and book re-reading in 2022, and this one is no exception. Technically started this one in 2021, but it's still ongoing, so I'll count it. While it's like 60% a Griddlehark fic, and sort of a re-imagining of their lives post-TLT, practically every ship, in all their wonderful configurations, gets their dirty day in the sun. I have been on the edge of my seat for more than a year with this one, and it shows no signs of stopping. Also extremely spicy! I'm so hooked!

Twice by BonesforTime: Another TLT fic, this one's a re-imagining of the events at Canaan House in Gideon the Ninth, with such a unique take on what it means to be a Lyctor and on the dynamics of the cavalier/necromancer relationship. And lore and world-building! Another Griddlehark-focused fic, this one constantly has me in stitches, combined with such a raw, intimate writing style for the smut scenes. Bones has such a way with words, and they continue to amaze me with each new installment. Definitely continuing this one into 2023!

Table Manners by Armengard (@armengard): Y'all know I go absolutely feral for anything by Armengard. Their first contribution to the CaitVi space is no exception. They took me out with a one-shot earlier this year that will undoubtedly be on my fic re-read rotation for years to come. Can't say enough positive things about their entire catalog, so this one is also definitely worth a read. And sooooooo spicy! Whew!

Even The Hardiest Desert Blooms Need to Get Wet Sometimes by Pikapeppa (@pikapeppa): Literally the only writer of MLW ships this lesbian will read these days. Their writing style is just that good. It's so refreshing and engaging that if they decided to author a dictionary, I'd probably read it. I jumped back into the Horizon fandom (extremely late, forgive me) after a major surgery over the summer, and the first thing I did upon playing Forbidden West was dive back into their fics. This one is a Drakkaloy fic, and is not only entertaining, but also extremely spicy. Definitely a must-read!

Your Mouth and Its Flowers by driluth (@driluth): Technically late 2021, but I'll count it. This is a CaitVi AU based on one of my favorite books of 2022, This Is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone. The symbolism! The way Red and Blue are literally Vi and Caitlyn, and are so amazingly portrayed in this AU! Definitely a hidden gem for me to find in 2022! But I'm so glad I did!

Writing goals for next year: I don't have any particular writing goals for 2023. I'm looking forward to the Horizon Forbidden West DLC, so if I can get my hands on a PS VR 2, maybe I'll get inspired to dip a toe into the Horizon fandom. I'm definitely tempted by all the WLW potential for this series. Also more TLT...Alecto is coming in September, so there is still more to work with. We'll see!

[mikaharuka]

2022 Writerly Year Review

I was tagged for this by @0nelittlebirdtoldme; I in turn tag the amazing @kayedium-writes, @udaberriwrites, @mrsmungus, @magma-saarebas19 and @sliebman10.

Total number of completed works: Let's go with 4 - technically it's 2, and the other 2 are works that can stand alone and have been put on hiatus for now, but could theoretically be picked up later on.

Total number of WIPs worked on this year: Hmm... let's go with 2 on this one. Technically I started writing Apricity last year on my own, but I didn't start posting until this year and I ended up throwing out most of what I wrote last year anyways. The other work is the 5+1 elemental interlude, Mahabhuta, that I started just as 2022 was coming to a close.

WIPs neglected this year: None, actually. Mostly because I don't intentionally take on projects only to never work on them. I had draft notes for WIPS from years ago in my Google Drive, but I never intended to publish them - those are just bonuses if I feel like going back.

Fandoms I've written in: Only two - Fire Emblem Three Houses (for Ferdibert, specifically) and Twilight/Life and Death (for my Winter Light verse)

Total word count: The 81k or so words I have on Apricity's first 14 chapters so far.

Looking back, did you write more than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you expected? Seeing as I totally forgot about my fics and didn't start writing again until August of this year, I'd say I did about what I expected, writing-wise.

Did you take any writing risks this year? Posting my long-fic to AO3 in the first place. I'd only done a few oneshots years ago in a different fandom (FE3H), so this was a total shot in the dark for me.

Do you have any goals for the new year? Write at least 500 words every day (so far a success on day 2). Get at least 1 chapter/month on Apricity, but also finish all of Mahabhuta (the 5+1 smut/elemental interlude piece), start this other 7-chapter long-fic that focuses on another character, and random one-shot bits that strike me here and there.

Biggest disappointment? That I couldn't write faster than 1 chapter a month. Part of that is my grad student life, but a good part of that is me contending with my ADHD brain, so...

Biggest surprise? That people actually liked my weird niche? Like... I threw out 98% of canon and went with this unusual Eastern-take and new lore, history, character dynamics and backstories... and somehow people actually like it? This is really strange and weird and doesn't have any ties to the fandom beyond the superficial 2% that I kept?? Especially people who write in and have tastes in totally different niches than what I'm writing? I'm flattered, but also shocked, and also grateful for the support!

Most popular story of the year? Naturally the long-fic, Apricity. Pretty much the only thing I published this year, so...

What's your own favorite story of the year? See above.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Uh... I don't think I can call out much here. My long-fic from this year and the few one-shots from long ago seem just fine to me?

Most fun story to write: Seeing as I'm totally lost in Winter Light brain rot, I'd say anything related to that universe and not just Apricity. Right now, I'm already 2k into Mahabhuta and find that surprisingly easier to write (I did that much in two days, for real!)

Most unintentionally telling story: Err... same as above.

My favorite part of fandom this year: Because of my niche, I don't really have a 'place' in the Twilight fandom in the traditional sense. But of course not - I freaking threw out everything that made that story. The only thing I kept were the names and appearances and very superficial pieces... so I can't really say that I'm part of that fandom even though I technically am. As a result, I found my space in multi-fandom spaces like on Reddit or Discord or now, on Tumblr, and I'm so very grateful for all the lovely, talented writers who've not only supported me, but also have shown me stuff totally out of my usual fare that I've grown to love quite a bit!

~Mizuka

[leviathiane]

hello i am once again ON this

tumblr on my phone literally was like "your tumblr crush leviathiane --" and im like listen it's more than just tumblr but okay

fic writer asks: 3, 9, 28

LMFMOAOOOOO called out by tumblr once again, alas

Asks from this post

3 - favorite fic I've written

That's actually so fucking tough hang on. Hang on. Hang on. I'm gonna give you THREE different answers here, bc i need SPECIFICS,

Favorite posted oneshot: An exercise in Grief. I loved writing this to absolute death, it was essentially my combined love and agony and grief and thoughts in general about AoC: Hyrule warriors and it bothered me for WEEKS when it received so little engagement for something I enjoyed writing and cared about so much. for all my talk and several fics over mipha and her tragedy (as well as the botw champions in general) this fic was kind of my magnum opus Mipha Grief™ fic. i still reread it when I replay aoc, i dont reread any of my own fics but this one.

Favorite posted Multi-chap: Somehow still a very hard question. It's pretty finely tied between Guiding Instinct, Deeply Whelved, Within Risk of Reason, and Dead Man's Handle, honestly... but if i really, really had to choose, then Guiding Instinct. I've had that story in my head for over a decade. I may not be actively working on it, at the moment, but it's such a fun concept and ties together like all of my favorite tropes to read AND write ever

Favorite NON-POSTED fic: Bit of a cheat, since I'm the only one who has read any of these, but my undertale fics! I love them desperately, I spent several months MIA just writing those frantically for no one but ME. I reread them before I go to sleep, I love them so goddamn much I seriously considered making ANOTHER ao3 account just to post them.

9 - Do you write every day? Share a sentence if yes!

I try to!!!! Not currently, since I'm in the midst of finals for my last quarter of the academic year, but last month and the early half of may I wrote every single day for mermay lol. Despite that, here's a teaser sentence for what I briefly worked on a few days ago:

“...Zelda,” His voice dragged out of him raggedly.

28 - Have you ever tagged a fic "Dead Dove: Do Not Eat"?

Yes. Of course. Of course I have. ksdajknbhjvgdhbask. None of my Depths ao3, but several on my nsfw account! I haven't actually used the tag in 2 years, but actually now that I think about it I should probably add it to a couple of my Depths' fics due to violence and such. I reread some of my loz stuff recently to answer comments and theres, definitely some excessive injury in those that couple maybe use better tagging,, in general, dead dove would technically apply to most of my fics, since i do my best to Fully tag them. You get what you see, u feel? Dead dove doesnt just apply to nsfw, after all.

Thanks for asking buddy, standby for my incoming ask ❤️

[im-no-jedi]

MLWTBB: No One Needs to Know (A Oneshot)

aka the (continued) journey into my self insert nonsense✨

story summary: Hunter is on his own for the day and decides to spend it at the parlor with Hannah, but an egotistical stranger ends up causing problems when he starts showing unwarranted interest in Hannah...

notes: this is a (small) continuation of my story, “My Life With The Bad Batch”; I highly recommend reading that first before this one! I created a few new planets for this AU. I’m also not 100% versed in SW terminology, so forgive me if some things are labeled incorrectly! lastly, there is romance in this story. hope you enjoy! 💙

add. notes: this ficlet was edited and proofread by my sis @jam-n-ham! thanks sis!! 😋💙 also, the inspo for this story was taken from this prompt list, specifically no.47✨

2400+ words, rated G (alcohol consumption, otherwise nothing bad except unwanted advances from a stranger 😬)

______________________________________________________________

There weren’t many days that the Bad Batch were separated from each other, especially since they’d left the confines of the Empire. They didn’t have hardly anybody else they felt they could rely on and had grown quite close because of it. But that didn’t mean they did everything together.

This was one of those particular days where the family had separated for a little while. Tech was giving Omega some lessons on the Marauder. Wrecker was trying out a new workout routine and needed focus. Echo was taking a much needed nap up in Hannah’s apartment. And Hunter... didn’t really have any plans for the day. He was actually feeling a bit lost about how to spend his time. It was ironic considering how introverted he was; he’d gotten so used to having his family around constantly that any alone time he got almost felt wrong.

Technically, he still had one person in his family that he could hang around for the day. And it didn’t even matter if that meant spending the entire day at Cid’s. It would be worth it for her.

And so Hunter found himself hanging out at Cid’s for most of the day, mostly keeping to himself in the corner. Bolo and Ketch were there, of course, practically throwing their money at the various game machines. But other than them, hardly anybody else had come into the parlor so far. At least, none that Hunter had noticed. And like usual, he mainly kept his attention on Hannah. She wasn’t even doing much outside of keeping the bar area clean and making sure nothing happened to the game machines Bolo and Ketch were messing with. Occasionally, she would come over to check on Hunter and give him some company, which he appreciated. It was overall a fairly pleasant experience just being in the parlor on his own. With Hannah’s occasional company, of course.

At some point during the day, as Hunter was mindlessly fiddling with his vibroblade in the corner of the room, his attention was drawn to the stairwell from the sound of footsteps approaching. A humanoid figure stepped into the parlor wearing a hooded cloak, which concealed their identity. The figure pulled their hood back after entering, revealing what appeared to be a male Mirialan, or at least a hybrid. He had the tattoos of a Mirialan, but his sun-tanned skin led Hunter to believe he was more likely a hybrid than a pure Mirialan. He also carried himself with an air of arrogance uncharacteristic to a Mirialan, evidenced by how smugly he ran his hand through the messy coif of dark hair on his head.  

Like with most people, Hunter eyed this newcomer cautiously as he stepped further into the parlor. There was nothing obviously threatening about him thankfully, just the prideful swagger he so blatantly flaunted. Something like that could cause other kinds of trouble though, so Hunter at the very least kept alert to what this guy was doing. Especially after he approached the bar.

“Excuse me,” the Mirialan said with an air of arrogance that matched his demeanor. He hadn’t even sat down yet, he was just leaned against the counter on his elbows, practically acting like he owned the place. “What’s a guy gotta do to get a drink around here?”

Hannah was in the middle of cleaning one of the game machines, but her attention quickly shifted to the smug newcomer at the sound of his voice. “Oh, sorry about that! I’ll be with ya in a second.”  

The Mirialan said nothing and simply sighed loudly in response. He didn’t even notice the judgmental look Hunter was giving him from the corner of the room.

Any initial worries Hunter might’ve had were quickly beginning to fade. There was no way Hannah would put up with a guy like that without him getting his ego taken down a few notches. If she could handle Irridas back at the Prism Palace, this guy would be no sweat. Hunter could go back to fiddling with his blade for a bit without concern.

Quickly as she could, Hannah finished up what she was doing and came over to the counter, wiping her hands off on her pants. “Sorry again for the wait,” she told the Mirialan. “What can I getcha?”

The moment Hannah arrived at the bar, the Mirialan’s entire demeanor changed. It was like every smug cell in his body ramped up to max level, somehow making him even more obnoxious than before. His posture changed from slumped over the counter to throwing his shoulders back proudly and looking at Hannah with an air of admiration. “Why don’t you tell me, babe?” His voice dripped with the same swagger he carried himself with.

Hannah’s immediate response was confusion. “Umm, what?” She let out an awkward chuckle.

The Mirialan leaned against the counter again, this time resting on a single elbow and staring up at Hannah with a sly look in his eyes. “Well, they put you here for a reason, didn’t they? A gorgeous gal like you’s gotta know all the best stuff in here.”

Hannah responded with another awkward chuckle. Neither her nor the Mirialan noticed the intense stares they were receiving from Hunter. His attention had fully shifted to whatever was going on at the bar, and there was nothing that could pull him away from it now.

It went silent for a moment as Hannah tried to figure out how to respond. She clearly was trying to process the treatment she was receiving, but didn’t know how to deal with it very well. “I actually don’t drink, but thanks for the compliment.” A fake smile ran across her face, which seemed to fool the Mirialan.

“How interesting,” the Mirialan replied with a chuckle. “In that case, I’ll just take whatever you decide to give me. I’m sure it’ll be good no matter what it is.” He began to finally take a seat as he spoke, his gaze never leaving Hannah for even a second.

“Oh, uhh...” Hannah began twiddling her fingers together, a habit she did whenever she was anxious. “I’m not really comfortable with that, I kinda need to have a specific order. If that’s ok.”

The side of the Mirialan’s mouth turned up into a smirk, and he snickered. “You’re adorable. Fine.” Keeping his eyes on Hannah, he pointed to a random spot on the wall of bottles behind her. “That one then.”

A soft sigh escaped Hannah’s lips. She almost didn’t want to turn her back to this guy, but she did, still feeling his locked gaze on her from behind. As she pulled the bottle off the wall and began pouring the drink, the Mirialan continued to speak and ask her questions, much to her displeasure.

“Haven’t seen you around the city before; you new here?”

“Uhh, sort of? It’s been a few weeks, I’m not sure exactly how long...”

“Wow... lucky me for catching you so early. You finding your way around here alright, then?”

“It’s... fine...” Hannah finished preparing the drink and slid it over to the Mirialan. It almost looked like he was about to grab her hand instead of the cup, but she quickly pulled away before that happened.

“It’s a big city; pretty easy to get lost around here. Especially with all the riff-raff around, you know what I mean?” He took a big swig of the drink, somehow managing to maintain his locked gaze on Hannah.

“Yup, I definitely know what you mean...” Hannah awkwardly chuckled under her breath and began cleaning some cups to try and remain sane.

“Well, if you ever need some company or someone to show you around, I got a pretty sweet speeder bike outside with enough room for two, if you’re interested.”

Hannah’s eyes widened briefly before she looked to see the Mirialan now staring at her with blatant lust in his eyes. In all her years, she’d never received this kind of treatment before, and it was throwing her for a loop in the worst way possible. If she weren’t currently on duty at the parlor, she might’ve been able to approach the situation differently. But as it stood, she felt trapped in her circumstance.

“Th-that’s nice of you to offer,” Hannah stammered, barely able to hold back her nervousness. “But uhh, well, I... I don’t even know you...”

“Chaze,” the Mirialan responded in the smuggest tone he’d used so far. “Call me Chaze. And what can I call you, gorgeous?”

A shaky breath left Hannah’s throat. She was at the point where she either wanted to deck this guy in the face or just run away, but she couldn’t do either. Then her eyes suddenly drifted to a familiar figure in the corner of the room. She’d almost forgotten he was there. But even in the low light, it was obvious Hunter was absolutely seething. It almost looked like he was about to slice his own fingers off with how aggressively he was handling his blade. Hannah suddenly didn’t feel that nervous anymore and cleared her throat before returning her attention to Chaze.

“I’m sorry, but I’m not really obligated to talk about myself while on duty. I’ve already said too much honestly. I might get in trouble if I say anything else.”

Chaze let out a chuckle and leaned in closer to Hannah. “Relax, no one needs to know,” he said in a more hushed tone. “And if it’s that much of an issue, then we can wait until you get outta here to... get to know each other better.” His mouth curled up into a smirk again as he seductively bit his lower lip.

Before Hannah could even respond, another presence was suddenly at the bar, just a couple seats over from Chaze. “Hey,” said the familiar voice of Hunter. “Can I get a drink?”

Hannah couldn’t help herself and actually let out a sigh of relief before turning her full attention to Hunter. “Sure, what do you want?” She gave him a coy look and leaned against the counter on one hand. “The usual?”

Hunter returned the coy look and nodded. “You know what I like.”

A genuine smile spread across Hannah’s face as she got to work preparing Hunter’s drink. Once it was ready, she found Hunter leaned against the counter on one arm, facing Chaze’s direction. He wasn’t directly looking at Chaze, but it was obvious what he was trying to do, and Hannah had to bite her lip to hold back a snicker.

“Did you add some extra sweetness into this?” Hunter asked after taking a sip of his drink.

Hannah nodded and said, “Thought you might like it better that way.”

“Well, like usual, you were right.” Hunter leaned forward more and gave Hannah a sly smirk, which made her giggle. “Oh, uhh...” He leaned forward even further and began speaking in a more hushed tone. “We still goin’ to the market later? Just you and me?”  

Hannah’s heart actually fluttered at the question, even though she knew it was just for show. She leaned in closer, just inches from Hunter’s face, and spoke just loud enough that Chaze might hear. “Honey, you know I’m not supposed to talk about this stuff while I’m working.” She pretended to become embarrassed and held her own face in her hands.

Hunter briefly looked to make sure Chaze was watching before reaching out and taking one of Hannah’s hands in his own. “Relax,” he said in a loud whisper. “No one needs to know.”

The reactions Hannah gave were no longer an act, and her face broke out into a deep flush as she giggled incessantly. Then she finally decided to look at Chaze to see what he was doing. Unsurprisingly, he looked outright grumpy as he swirled his drink around in his hand and took an aggravated sip of it. He was clearly trying to come across like he wasn’t paying attention, but not doing a good job of hiding it.

“Hey Chaze,” Hannah called out to him. “You need anything else? Or are you good?” She had to bite her lip again to stop herself from snickering.

Chaze irritatingly drummed his fingers on the counter for a moment before responding. “I’m good, thanks.” He said nothing else and finished off his drink, then stood up from his seat with a loud huff. It was obvious his pride was hanging on by a thread, and he ran his hand through his hair with his chest puffed out like some sort of bird before strutting out of the parlor.

Once Chaze was gone, Hannah let out another sigh of relief and practically collapsed onto the counter. Hunter kept his gaze at the doorway and shook his head in disbelief. “Prick...” He took a sip of his drink and let out a sigh of his own before turning back to Hannah again. “You good?”

Muffled snickering could be heard, followed by Hannah throwing her head back in boisterous laughter. “Honestly, that could’ve gone so much worse, oh my gosh... you’ve gotten better at the acting bits!”

“Thanks,” Hunter replied. It was taking everything in him to not admit he was only partially acting. “Does that often happen to you?” His tone was laced with concern.

“Thankfully, no,” Hannah responded with a scoff. “At least, not to that degree, good grief...”

Hunter shook his head again as his signature scowl appeared on his face. “Well, you let me know if it does again. Especially if it’s that bastard.” He took another sip of his drink, this time with more aggravation.

“Sure thing, Sarge,” Hannah teased as she gave him a fake salute. She laughed at herself before adding, “seriously though... thanks. You didn’t have to do that.”

Hunter let out a breath through his nose and set his cup down. “Yeah... but I wanted to.”

A big smile crept across Hannah’s face and she giggled again, unable to hide her gratitude. Then Hunter suddenly turned sheepish and looked down into his cup for a moment. “You know,” he started, nervously rubbing the back of his neck. “I was actually planning on taking Omega down to the market to get some things. If you want, we can wait until your shift is over... if you wanna join us, that is.”

Once again, Hannah’s heart fluttered in her chest, but more this time because she knew Hunter’s question was genuine. “I would love that,” she replied eagerly.

Hunter couldn’t hide how happy he was to hear that. Coming to Cid’s for the day had definitely been worth it.

[hr-nm-grnd-zr]

hi

a few days ago I wrote this

as an idea and people were interested in more so here’s the oneshot I guess (have fun crying)

tw: Viktor is in hospital, so sickness and death I guess

angst/fluff

Please tell me if there are any errors, I'm not a native speaker

AO3 link

@dust-stepping there you go

.

.

Jayce always found Viktor attractive and over the years working together he might have developed a huge crush on him. Seeing each other every day only made it worse. He was intrigued by the scientists way of thinking, his intelligence, kindness and dedication to their dream.

Unfortunately for both of them, Viktor being a workaholic and absolutely hyperfocused on his work, never noticed Jayces attempts to flirt or invite him to go out. In fact, he seemed completely oblivious to it. “Hey Viktor, you wanna go have coffee?” “I’ve already had coffee.” *continues working*

So over time Jayce arranged himself with simply being like a brother to Viktor. Because this way at least he would still be family to Viktor and stay close to him. Better than nothing, right?

The years went on and they became a great team. Of friends. His feelings for Viktor never vanished but they calmed down a bit. So when Mel made her move to flirt with him he went with it. Because, sure, why not? She’s hot and smart, right? (man got a type) It's not like Viktor would ever notice him as more than a friend, right?

Now Viktor is in the hospital and Jayce ran to him as fast as he could when he found out. Leaving Mel behind, not even waking her up cause it didn't matter. Only Viktor matters.

Viktor is still unconscious and Jayce is overwhelmed by guilt. Guilt because he should have been there, he should have noticed something was wrong. The blood, the headache, the weight loss... Guilt because, in his eyes, he had betrayed the love of his life with another woman. Gosh, he cannot believe he just did that! He was in bed with her while Viktor lay unconscious on the floor! Another wave of guilt hits him.

He sits in that seat across the bed crying his eyes out because Viktor will die and he will never have the chance to kiss him, to hold him in his arms. He cannot admit his feelings in front of Viktor. He could never be so cruel and tell him now. Opening a door to love, to a happy life, that will shut close too fast. Leaving Viktor in even more pain than he already is. He sits there and he feels so helpless and guilty and doesn't know what to do. Hiding his face in his hands he hears Viktor's voice. Small, hoarse and surprised. "Jayce?"

“Viktor...”, Jayce swallows hard, trying to calm himself to keep his voice from cracking. “The doctors, um, they said you’re...” He couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud. He sees realization hit Viktors face. The man turns his gaze away, staring at the ceiling, sighing. “How much time do I have?” It sounds disappointed. Annoyed. Like he saw it coming for a long time. Jayce doesn’t know how to answer. He wipes the tears off his face averting his gaze, not able to look at Viktor.

It takes him a long time to answer. “A few months. Maybe.” Viktor doesn’t say anything to that. He seems lost in thought, staring but not actually paying attention to the ceiling. Jayce sniffs. He feels stupid now for crying. It was Viktors life ending, not his. But wasn’t that exactly the point? It felt like without Viktor, his life will be pointless. He cannot even picture himself continuing with Hextech. It started as his own dream, yes, but it turned into a mutual dream so naturally with Viktor at his side. How could he ever manage that on his own? Having the crucial truth that Viktor wasn’t there anymore slapping him in the face everytime he enters the lab.

He sniffs again as tears start rolling down his cheeks and nose once more. “Jayce.”, comes Viktors soft voice from the bed. Jayce looks up and sees Viktor weakly motioning for him so come closer. He takes the chair from the corner of the room and puts it next to the bed so he can face Viktor. He wipes his face again when he sits down, managing a weak smile. He shouldn’t do this he thinks but can’t stop himself from taking Viktors hand in his own, squeezing lightly. But Viktor frees his hand to lift it up to Jayces face. He barely manages to do so. Without realizing Jayce bends down a little to make it easier for him, looking up at Viktors face. The corners of Viktors mouth twitch up at that.

He feels Viktors thumb rubbing across his cheek, wiping away another tear. “Don’t cry.”, he says. Jayce cups Viktors hand with his own in return. He doesn’t know what exactly is happening but he enjoys it. The touch, the feeling of Viktors skin on his own, the comfort, Viktors golden eyes glowing despite the dim light. “I don’t want to loose you.” It came out as whisper. He didn’t mean to say it. It just happened. He tenses up, afraid of what Viktor might say or do. But he does nothing. Just continues stroking Jayces cheek. But his smile has dropped and he looks concerned. How can he be concerned about Jayce? He’s got enough own problems at the moment.

Viktors hand moves up to Jayces neck and shakily tugs him down. Jayce follows his lead, leaning down until his head lies on the sick mans chest. He can hear his rattling breath and tries to lift his head again not wanting to give Viktor difficulty breathing but Viktor, hugging his upper chest, keeps him down.

Long, gentle fingers run through his hair. He smells Viktors scent, gods he loves that scent. He breathes in deeply. It’s relaxing. The tears stop shortly after, his own breathing slow, his eyes closed. The hand in his hair has stopped, Viktors breathing, still rattling but slow and even. Is he snoring? He fell asleep stroking Jayces hair. He must be exhausted still. But Jayce is glad that Viktor could also relax a little despite the circumstances. He stays like this for a long while, not wanting to wake Viktor up and simply enjoying this close contact. He doesn’t know how long Viktor has left so he will savour every second.