#I actually went home early from work today bc I'm sick :(

[stellarish]

It's been a real slow couple days at work, and I just finished reading The Priory of the Orange Tree, so I've been sitting at my desk doodling my girl Tané

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

I had a rough week last week. Tuesday my dog gets sick, so I look up her symptoms. And bc I'm a crazy person, my mind automatically latched onto the worst possibility. So I spent three hours crying hysterically and having panic attacks bc I was so scared she would die. Then Wednesday I had to take my dog to vet and was still super stressed out. Thursday and Friday I have to deal with medicaid and disability paperwork. Saturday I had a panic attack so bad that I couldn't stop it and had to text my brother to come help me (he lives with me. we're too poor to live without a roommate, and we've basically lived together our whole lives, so it was whatever). Sunday morning I have a panic attack and can't leave my house to play my weekly dnd game bc the thought of spending hours with other people away from home was...bad. Sunday night, I got completely (and irrationally) terrified of being alone. I was so afraid that I called my mom, and of course she offers to come over. And I'm freaking out so bad I let her, even though it was late and I know she has to get up early for work. (She only stayed until my brother got back around 10:30)

BUT, today is a new day. I managed to get my blood work done today, and talk on the phone to my case worker, and pick up a pair of contacts from my eye doctor to wear until my order comes in. And I didn't have a panic attack. I mean, I still had to have my dad take me, bc leaving home alone isn't something I can do right now. (Mentally or physically. My brother's car broke down, and since he's the one who has a job, he's been using mine. i stg it's like a fucking family curse; every time someone is already in a financial bind, their car will break down.)

So I have decided to take the next few days to just relax. My two besties that I've been friends with since middle school both have kids with autism and they said I'm probably going through autistic burn-out. I'm pretty sure I'm autistic and my doctor thinks I'm somewhere on the spectrum, though on the lower support side. I'm gonna play bg3, and unwind. And try to work on some fic. (bc I have the next chapter of 16 Days damn near finished, and it's the last chapter that ties up the current plot, then there's an epilogue that takes place later that played out like a movie in my head, so writing it will be a breeze.)

Side note, did y'all know that some school systems still use 'high/low functioning'. I've had to say to my coworkers that autistic people would prefer not to use those terms. But it isn't surprising; one of my cousin's kids was literally diagnosed with Asperger's. Which has fallen under the autism spectrum disorder since like, forever ago. And also there was a TA in the autism classroom I worked in once who literally told me that autism was caused by demonic possession. I'm so glad I left the school system. Bc I eventually was going to fucking explode with rage after the way my kids were treated. (My students, not my actual kids. I don't have or want any)

Working in EC has really shown me how little the school system actually cares about helping the disabled; they will cut corners and do shit that 'technically' meets a kid's IEP, but doesn't do a damn thing to help them. And if you say something like, 'i don't think that counts' your coworkers will not be happy. But to a certain degree you can't be too mad, bc there is literally not enough time or resources to meet every child's needs, bc they cram as many kids in one EC classroom as possible, hire the minimum amount of TAs required by law and expect one teacher to be able to magically meet all their needs. My last job had 3 kids in wheelchairs in those tiny ass mobile units schools started using, that literally did not have room to move around, unless the other students stood up to let them get by, and sometimes even move their desk. We had multiple kids with autism. One of them stimmed by screaming, another was triggered by loud noises.

This post kinda went off on a tangent. Anyway, heads up to any parents who have kids starting school, make sure you get a copy of your child's IEP. If you think they aren't being serviced, contact your local Board of Education, and tell them that you have a child with an IEP who isn't receiving adequate services. Then threaten to sue them if they don't start providing your kid their services. It does not matter if you can actually afford to sue them or not, an IEP is a legally binding document. You have the right to sue, and most of the time the threat alone is enough to kick their ass into gear.

[ymcr]

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work thoughts 6pm

i can't remember the last time i had a boss who stressed me out so much i needed to take an ativan after having a meeting with them and wanted to cry at the end of every workday. i don't know why this woman hates my guts. some of my many grievances include:

she is so reluctant to offer what i had thought were extremely reasonable schedule accommodations (namely, switching my days off from wed/thurs to tues/thurs so i can take an animal cognition course this fall—didn't think it was that big of an ask but apparently it's a huge inconvenience). she granted this one but said this will be the last schedule change i'm allowed to have.

i feel pressured to pass through/post up in conspicuous areas because i have been reprimanded for being "difficult to locate." i feel like my location is being monitored at all times and i am afraid to so much as go to the bathroom or go to the break room to get a drink of water without informing her first as if i'm in fucking elementary school. she will literally call me on the phone to ask where i am on the property.

such a huge caseload is put on my plate every day and i am compelled to do my job quickly but not necessarily thoroughly, or compassionately. i deal with very emotionally charged situations and i try to be patient with clients and bring my best self to all of my (animal and human) interactions, but quality is not rewarded, only speed and efficiency.

i've been chastised for leaving early even though i make sure to check in with people before i go, and was under the impression that staff are allowed to leave when their work is done, even if that's before the end of their scheduled shift. (side note on that topic: today i was scheduled until 4, finished a multiple cat intake at 4:30, and figured i was done, so i punched out, but then saw people doing EOD walks for the dogs, and i didn't want anyone to see me walking to my (busted ass piece of shit miracle it still drives after getting t-boned in a hit and run a week ago, but that's a whole other can of worms) car, because it "leaves a bad taste in people's mouths" when they see me leave while they're still working, so i hurriedly went back inside and helped walk some dogs as if i had never left. then at 5, an hour after i was supposed to go home, i was in the kitchen writing notes about my walk like we're supposed to, and one of my better coworkers passed by and exclaimed "remy!! i thought you left at 4, what are you doing here?!" to which i replied that i had been told not to leave while people are still working. she reassured me that i should leave when i'm scheduled to leave and not to worry about everyone else, which i appreciated but i would have felt extremely paranoid and guilty if i had actually left at 4:30. and of course my boss was long gone by this point bc she's salaried and can leave whenever the hell she wants.)

i could go on but i'd prefer not to have this woman occupy so much of my brain. i just feel like there's no winning with her because my personality is not a match with hers. i know i'm a good person and that i'm doing my best, and i have received glowing feedback from volunteers, interns, clients, & coworkers....so it's sad that the entire workplace vibe can be so thoroughly ruined by one person, because otherwise i think things are (or could be) going well. i only see her 3 days a week, but at the end of each of those 3 days i feel literally sick with anxiety. i want to try to push through because working here is giving me a lot of hours towards CPDT licensure, but i'm not afraid to real-winners-quit this situation if it comes down to that.

[queeriboh]

okay I need to vent bc I literally literally can't stop thinking about it and just really. need to get it off my chest bc I feel so fucking crazy for just wanting to be paid the correct fucking amount

but like. the week of christmas. I went home early on Tuesday because I felt Bad. asked my HR-ETL (2nd highest position in store) to use my sick time to fill my hours for that day as I was on my way out. dope!

turns out I had Covid. so I missed Wednesday, was already scheduled off Thursday, and missed Friday. came back Saturday even though I was still positive and not totally up to steam, bc i was afraid of getting in trouble if I missed any more than that.

it used to be that we could log in to mytime on a computer at work and just. request vacation/sick pay, and see our balancea for each right there on the same screen. they recently changed it. the only way for us ourselves to submit PTO requests is by calling out through the app and submitting the request at the same time, OR going to HR and asking them to submit it retroactively for us. I'm old fashioned and I don't like calling out without actually calling the store, speaking to a leader, and explaining myself. which means I have to rely on HR to submit my requests.

there was no HR on that Saturday. or Sunday. I had to wait until Monday to ask our HR team member (NOT our HR-ETL/manager). she said that on Mondays the system locks and she wouldn't be able to put it in until Tuesday, but I wouldn't get it until my next paycheck (the one coming this friday). I asked her to use whatever sick time I had left and the rest as vacation time.

she didn't subtract the hours our HR-ETL had put in for the Tuesday I went home from my sick time balance, and submitted a request that was 4 hours more than what I had available.

now. a few things happened here that fucked me over.

1. we have a program called Daily Pay that allows us to take money from our upcoming paychecks early. I had been like, stuck in this cycle for a while where every paycheck was about $150 short, resulting in having to borrow from my next check indefinitely, and I had been working hard to get rid of that gap. I had JUST completely caught up the paycheck before this happened. but I had to take money from it to cover the missing PTO in order to pay rent.

I had sent myself about $200 to close the gap, but I didn't want to pay the fee, so I set it to receive on Monday. but then I decided I wanted to buy weed, so I tried to send myself another $120 but this time bite the bullet and pay the fee, only to get an error message saying instant transfers were down. I took that as god telling me to suck it up, so I just accepted it and went without. Monday came and my transfers hadn't shown up yet (which happens slme times when you schedule them on the weekend), so I gave in and instant transfered idk about $100 to buy weed finally. okay.

2. on that Tuesday, I saw $225 had been put in my account. I didn't think about it too much and juat assumed that failed instant transfer had actually gone through as a normal one. I didn't really take the time to process if it was right or not, I was just like "oh that sucks I'll just put as much of the extra as I can aside in my savings till I figure this out." so I did. I put $75 of it into my savings. thank god.

3. on that Tuesday, I also found out we got a different HR-ETL. surprise! now. I had requested a day off the week of New Year's like, back in December, before I had any idea I'd get Covid. so I had to ask this new HR-ETL to double check that I had submitted my PTO for that day off when I requested it, only for her to say she didn't have numbers in the system to check that yet. lol

4. TODAY. I found out that mystery $225 had actually been my PTO from the week after Christmas. oh!! I wish I would have known that, bc I would have done things differently lmfao. but okay. I'm pretty sure I made really bad financial decisions bc I did go out for tacos and spent like $50 during that extra day off, but I hadn't touched that $75 I set aside, and I didn't overdraft. that should have been fine.

but I was going to request an extra day off next month (I have about 40 hours of vacation time saved up and I gain about 4.5 hrs a paycheck, so I try to take one paid day off a month) and wanted to check my PTO balance after I had to use more than intended in December and found out that. when the HR team member put in my PTO from Covid, the time my old ETL had put in for the tuesday I left early hadn't been subtracted from my balance yet, and the HR team member didn't look or think to subtract it herself or let me know I only had a couple hours of it left. instead, she submitted 4 hours of sick time I did not have. instead of giving her an error message or something, the system just LET HER DO IT.

that $225 SHOULD have been closer to $295. but the overage that she submitted resulted in $68 and change being TAKEN OUT of my sick time payment!!!!!!! I just fucking!!! PAID Target $68 of ny sick time!!!!! because I couldn't just submit it myself and had to trust someone else!!!!!!!!!!

so I went to the new HR-ETL as soon as I saw what happened and asked her to fix it, but of COURSE today is Monday. so we have to wait till tomorrow to do anything. BUT. I was already paid out for that. like. I don't think she can cancel that at all now. she said she can submit my vacation time instead, but I do not think I'll get that sick time back. like yeah I'll be reimbursed that $68. but I don't think I can get back that actual sick time balance. I'm just going to lose 4 hours of sick time I could have used later.

I have absolutely no idea now much I'm going to get paid on Friday. I can check once it gets updated in Workday, but that won't be until Wednesday. I can't plan or budget or anything at all. I am so fucking stressed out. this year was supposed to start with my credit card and student loans being the ONLY finances I needed to worry about (which I'm going to put my entire tax refund toward)

and on top of this I haven't even been able to get one commission since Christmas

I'm so fucking tired of money issues

[missmonsters2]

today I feel awful... idk my insecurities are taking over me and I just want to curl into a ball and cry. maybe it's my hormones maybe the fact that I weighted myself and found out I gained weight (I can't fit into my jeans 😭) and the fact that I saw my sister in a tight skin dress looking perfect while I'm in my pj's just destroyed my confidence. I need something angsty to read to make me forget about my sad, miserable lffe right now. would you be down in writing sth angsty with nat maybe? you don't have to though. it's fine either way. I really appreciate all of your work and I keep reading on repeat whenever I'm feeling down. makes me cheer up. thank you, van ❤️

It's like we're the same person because I also went to visit my sister recently and my sister has gotten her life together and is living her best hot girl bod while I...let's not go there.

I just want you to know that you're hot as fuck and a body is just a body that we can change with time and effort. We're lit rally in this together. This time next year, we will be rocking the body that makes up happy and we'll be healthy!!! 💘💘

But I will still give you nat angst...but with a happy ending bc I said you deserve a HEA!!

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The Withers of Springtime Bloom

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Fem!Reader

Summary: Spring is a time of blooming and when things come back to life. You can't help but notice things that may be causing your relationship with Natasha to wither.

Warnings: self-esteem issues, insecurities about body, relationship with working out and food, seasonal depression. angst with HEA.

Count: 2.1k~

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You're not sure when things changed.

Things change so slowly after all.

Without you noticing, things change and change and change until one day, you do notice.

You notice that Natasha has become quieter, somber.

You notice the lack of date nights and affectionate touches.

You notice that you've let yourself go a little.

You're standing in front of the mirror, staring at your body with a frown. You've gained weight since dating Natasha, but relationship weight gain was normal, wasn't it?

But you remember how Natasha was just as fit as she was before she met you. Sure, she was a superhero, and you were a regular civilian; there was no reason for you to train long hours as Natasha did.

Still...

You turn to the side and peer at yourself in the mirror again.

You can't help but wonder...were you becoming less attractive to her?

⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷⋆⊶⊷⊶⊷⊶⊷

It had been the beginning of fall when you met Natasha. You loved the season of change and when things turned into warm colors before withering away for winter to come.

Natasha had come like a blessing, and in the winter, she was just warm as the colors of fall. Instead of withering away, she bloomed and invested that warmth in your relationship with her.

Despite always being an early riser to work out, weekends were the days she stayed in bed with you just a little longer. There had been so many breakfasts, lunch, and dinner dates. You found yourself moving things around or neglecting to work around her busy schedule.

Perhaps that was when things began to change. Eating out so often and forgoing working out to spend time with Natasha was what led to this.

Spring has arrived, and things are coming back to life. Yet somehow, your relationship with Natasha was withering away.

"Hey," you greet her as you come home, shopping bags in hand. You bought some more clothes when things felt like they didn't fit comfortably anymore. The experience had been upsetting for you, and you didn't end up buying too much, telling yourself you didn't want to spend too much when you were going to lose the weight.

Natasha was working in her office, peering down over reports, and barely acknowledged you other than with a hum.

"Long day?" You ask her as you put your things away and walk over to her.

"Yeah," Natasha sighed. "Trying to get these reports done since Maria needs them tomorrow."

That had been Natasha's excuse for spending long hours in her office every night for the last two weeks.

You place your hand on Natasha's shoulder with a reassuring squeeze, but she leans to the side as if to readjust herself, but still away from your touch.

The sting immediately comes, but you try to push it down, so it doesn't hurt as bad.

"Right," you say hoarsely, but Natasha stares on at the reports. "I'm just going to get ready for bed. It's been a long day and all. Let me know if you need anything."

Natasha gives you a nod as you leave the room. You feel awkward as you lie in the bed you share with her. You wonder if you're taking up too much space.

There's a pang of something as you try to curl yourself to be smaller and only distantly realizing you've skipped dinner before you fall asleep.

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You fall back onto the mat, chest heaving and your lungs burning.

It's been a while since you've worked out, and now you're definitely paying for it with how unfit you are.

The gym is moderately empty with the hour it is. You hate going to a public gym because it always feels like someone is staring, but it's better for strangers to stare than working out at the Compound for people you know to stare at you.

The rational part of you knows that you should just talk to Natasha, but the emotional side of you whispers that you won't like what Natasha has to say, that she might even end it before you've had a chance to change yourself.

When weeks pass, and you weigh yourself again, you almost start crying because you've only lost a couple of pounds.

It's normal, you know it is. You're losing weight at a normal rate, but it's not enough. You know fast weight loss wouldn't make sense for your body but you also feel you don't have half a year to go back to your normal weight.

You sit on the bathroom floor for hours, debating what to do when you hear a quiet knock.

"Sweetheart, are you in there?" Natasha's muffled voice comes through.

You wipe at your eyes furiously as you stand up.

"Y-Yeah," you answer back. "I'm just in the tub soaking."

There's a moment of silence through the door before Natasha answers back, "Alright. Enjoy yourself. Did you want me to order anything specific for dinner?"

"No, it's okay," you tell her. "You order anything you want. I already ate on my way home." You think about the chicken salad you've been eating for the past two weeks and almost sigh.

Natasha answered that she just came back to see if you've eaten, but she actually had to head back to the Compound. You were Natasha shuffling around before leaving through the front door, and you let out the breath you were holding.

You actually take a long, hot shower before putting on sweats and a big hoodie.

The truth was, you were hungry. The chicken salad was okay on the way home, but it had been a couple of hours since.

You knew starving yourself wasn't the answer, so you went into the kitchen to see if you could find something healthy to hold you over until you could go to bed.

But you can't find anything in the fridge except for Natasha's leftovers from whatever she ordered the day before. You can't find anything except frozen pizzas and microwavable foods.

You check the calories on the back and let out a frustrated sigh. Checking your watch, you realize it's too late in the evening to go grocery shopping because, by the time you get there, stores will have closed.

You slump down on the floor, leaning against the cabinets as you let out a pathetic whimper while your eyes became hot with tears.

You miss Natasha. You want Natasha holding you and telling you it would be okay. But you couldn't have that until you were back to what you were when you met her.

The front door suddenly opens.

"Have you seen my—sweetheart?" Natasha started to call before she noticed you sitting on the floor. "What's wrong?"

You use your sleeve to wipe at your eyes as you sit up straight.

"Nothing," you sniffle before you start to stand. "I just stubbed my toe against the edge of the kitchen island. What were you looking for? USB? You left it next to the bedside."

Natasha stares at your back, hair still wet as she takes in your attire.

"It's a little hot to be wearing a hoodie and sweats, isn't it?" Natasha asks softly. "Doesn't seem like you turned on the aircon in here."

You keep walking, but Natasha starts to follow you.

"'m cold," you say quietly so she can't hear the tremble in your voice.

"Are you feeling sick?" Natasha asks with concern as you sit down on the couch, turning on the TV. You pull the blanket over you as if to make your point.

"No," you tell her because you don't want her to worry. "Just cold after a bath."

Natasha sets her things down before she takes a seat next to you. Even in the low lighting, she can see your eyes rimmed red and dampness of them.

You're refusing to look at her as you have your knees drawn up to your chest and stare stubbornly at the TV screen.

Then she hears it.

Your stomach grumbles.

"Are you hungry, sweetheart?" Natasha asks softly again. "We can just order food and stay in tonight."

Your cheeks grow hot. "Don't you have to be at the Compound?"

You don't mean to snap at her, but you can't help but feel embarrassed.

Natasha remains quiet for a moment, quickly thinking over the last few weeks before she feels guilt trickle in.

She doesn't remember the last time she ate with you—doesn't remember the last time she saw you eat.

"Sweetheart," she calls you gently again, and you bristle at the tone. "Is there something wrong?"

The fragile dam you've built to keep the weeks of compiling emotions at bay breaks, and you're hurtling down the stream over the waterfall.

"Are you not in love with me anymore?" You choke out as you begin to cry.

You can't even register to feel horrified at your breakdown because you just need to know.

"I know...I know my body has changed since we first met and I've gained weight but I really am trying to lose it. I just—I feel like you're avoiding me. At first, I thought things at work have been really stressful for you, and I wanted to give you space but you're gone all the time. You're gone even when you're here."

Natasha can barely understand anything you've said after hearing you say the first part. Her breath hitches painfully in the back of her throat, and she legitimately feels appalled at herself.

She starts to say something, but you keep going.

"I'm sorry, I don't want to make this about me because if you're going through something then I want to support and be there for you. But I can't help but feel like you're grossed out by me. I mean—I feel grossed out when I look at myself. I feel like I'm taking up so much space—"

Natasha cuts you off abruptly, pulling off the blanket as she pulls at you until you're in her lap.

"Nat—"

"You're not gross and this is not about the weight you have or have not gained. You hear me?" Natasha says forcefully as she holds you close to her, hand over your thigh to keep you against her.

"God, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry if I've been making you feel like you're not attractive me," Natasha's eyes well up as your tears wet her shoulder. "You're literally still the most gorgeous person I've ever met and you're always going to be that to me."

Natasha's hand at your waist dips underneath your hoodie, her fingers trailing up your back as she sighs at your warmth. "I should've told you, but the springtime is just really hard for me. It's odd because it's a time for things to come back to life but some of the worst things have happened to me during the spring and things blooming makes me think about things that aren't coming back. I think it's also just a little bit of seasonal depression too. I'm just the rare percentage that gets it in the spring."

The explanation makes your body sag with relief because while you feel so horrible that there is a reason Natasha doesn't like spring, she's not falling out of love with you.

"I'm sorry, I didn't realize that I was hurting you," Natasha apologizes again. "I didn't mean to be so distant but I didn't want to bring your mood down as well, which is why I've been working so much to keep busy."

"It's okay," you muttered as your turn your head, forehead pressed against her neck. "I'm sorry spring is depressing for you."

Natasha merely hushes you as she kisses the side of your head.

You begin to feel awkward, thinking about how you must be heavy on her and try to move, but Natasha doesn't let you.

"Sweetheart, I don't know how to convince you that you're perfect to me," Natasha says so seriously as she forces you to look at her. "If you want to lose weight because that is what you want, then I support you. But I need you to understand that I love you no matter what. I don't care either way because you're so fucking lovely to me always. Do you understand?"

Timidly, you reply, "Okay. Thank you."

Natasha presses her lips against yours in a long kiss before she pulls back.

"Now, I'm going to ask again. Are you hungry? We can order in and watch that new show on Netflix I heard was pretty good from Wanda."

You feel lighter. You think you might still want to work out because that would make you happy, but you don't feel the rush like you did just a couple of hours ago.

"Yeah," you say shyly. "But maybe something not so heavy?"

Natasha nods as she presses another kiss into your cheek as she helps you settle onto the couch right beside her to grab her phone.

"Anything to make you bloom."

[savagesbonergarage]

Nightsister OC pics and backstory ❤️

So I kinda got my Nightsister oc worked out today!

Meet Eilantha!

No makeup and with makeup since I like both. :) I know her outfit is Rey’s, but it turned out to be the one I liked best after going through all of them. This was so much fun to do! I’m on mobile rn so I don’t have a link, but search ‘rinmaru star wars avatar creator’ and it should be the first result.

The nightbrother is also an oc called Sever. He’s more bulky in my head and his tattoos are different and more brown than black, but whatevs. Also he looks more like a teenager here, which is NOT the vibe, lads. Mans is in his late 20's-early 30's. 👍

I know I’m sorta biased and all since she’s mine, but I’m in love with her? I’m not a huge fan of the Nightsisters and their misandry and general terrible-ness, but this girl is the exception. 💕 Learn more about her under the cut if you’d like. :)

She was born in 46BBY, making her around 27 in the final year of the clone wars. From the time she was a youngling it was clear that she had a natural affinity for magicks and spellcasting, which allowed her to participate in more advanced rituals and rites from an early age. This inevitably caused some contention among the sisters in her age group that felt this privilege was wasted on her, and therefore she had few friends during her time within the coven. She didn’t really mind, as she preferred to spend her days on her own anyway, learning as much as she could about whatever she fancied (usually spells that piqued her interest whose texts she discreetly snuck from within the cavern).

When she wasn’t studying, she loved music - writing, playing, and singing. It wasn’t anything like the typical malicious sounds of tribal chanting and drums you’d hear from within the grotto; not that she didn’t appreciate that also as she practiced it well, but her heart leaned toward a softer, more soothing genre of arias and melodies, bordering on lullabies based on her wanderlust, and, though she’d never admit it, her loneliness.

As she reached adulthood, she underwent the trials for her dark baptism as all Sisters did, which consisted of returning from a challenging hunt to add a token from her kill to the Water Of Life, and receiving her ichor tattoos that signified her coming-of-age before being ritualistically bathed in the ominous liquid which sanctioned her as an active member of the Nightsisters.

After this, I have two different routes (or however many, depending on who I’m shipping her with at the moment 😅 bc I ship her with everyone, no lie) that I like to take with her story. The first is expanded upon in the fic by @fallenrepublick here (still my favorite thing!) where she starts sneaking away into the nightbrother village and befriends Savage and Feral before they go through Asajj’s selection trails. This is the nicer, less-traumatic arc.

This next one gets really, really dark. I'm not going to post it all here bc honestly this post doesn't need all that angst, so I'll save that for later. Essentially, I like to think that Eilantha did at one time have a nightbrother of her own (Sever) that she actually loved, rather than treated as a slave. As you can imagine it doesn't end well, but we're not gonna get into that. We'll talk about how they meet. :)

Instead of sneaking away to the village, Eilantha is pressured into conducting her own selection trails by Mother Talzin. She doesn’t inherently have any reason to object, after all, she was taught that this is was simply the way of things. Part of her even looked forward to obtaining a manservant, whose loyalty would belong to her and her alone.

Perhaps he’d be a useful asset when it came to sneaking spelltomes to and from the vaults, and maybe he’d even be the only one staying by her side while she practiced her songs. What if he’d even appreciate them? Not that he’d have much of a choice, but the thought was comforting nonetheless.

From the moment she stepped foot in the village, all she could focus on was the feeling of the uneasy and fearful gazes of the men who undoubtedly knew more of what was to come than she did. She chose her roster at random, unsure of what she should have really been looking for or what she actually wanted from a servant. Even before the fighting, she knew deep down that she didn’t want to inflict any unnecessary harm on them…but why? From what she’d overheard at home, the violence was half the fun.

It wasn’t.

She evaded and blocked every blow with ease, yet avoided retaliating and taking the offensive in any manner that would prove fatal, causing the battle to go on far longer than anticipated to the point where Brother Viscus insisted that she take the next opening for the kill. With reluctance, the blade of her weapon collided with the ribs of the next brother to reveal himself a target. She watched in horror as the light faded from his hateful, reflective eyes, and she was nearly sick. She didn’t want to do it, but it had been done, and it couldn’t be undone. His body thudded against the ground and she screamed.

“Enough!”

The battlefield went silent, and as she came to her senses she attempted to save face.

“I’ll have none of them!”

Before Brother Viscus could interject with any alternative propositions, she was gone. She ran, fleeing as far away across the rocky terrain as she could. She didn’t cry; at least not until she was certain she was alone. She felt so pathetic - Nightbrothers were meant to be disposable, yet she couldn’t handle killing one. Her shame shifted into heartbreak, and she crouched low and wept for the death of the brother she’d just caused, as well as for all those who came before him. All the needless, thankless, mindless deaths of these men whose lives may not have mattered to the Sisters, but they mattered to someone.

As night fell, she trudged along the jagged landscape and thought of what explaination she’d give to Mother Talzin upon returning home. She had run in the opposite direction of where her speeder was stationed at the base of the village, so she had plenty of time to consider on the long journey back. She casually hummed a tune to herself in some meager attempt to self-soothe, which served to distract the shadow that had been trailing her for some time. The sound of a twig snapping in the rocks behind her alerted her to the presence and she confronted him.

"Are you lost?" she asked in a derogatory tone after he revealed himself.

"I'm not."

Of course not, this was his home, after all. She couldn't say the same for herself, however, she pressed him further.

"Then why are you following me? I never asked for an escort."

The amber-skinned nightbrother looked as though he were choosing his words carefully, though if his aim was self-preservation he'd done a terrible job of it.

"I saw you crying."

Eilantha was hit with a pang of embarrassment, though she feigned otherwise as her eyes met the ground.

"Well, you can forget what you saw. Now leave me alone."

She turned away, but the brother remained there in quiet contemplation before he spoke again.

"I've never seen a Sister cry. I've never seen a Sister feel."

Something about those words struck her directly in her heart. The confirmation that she was inherently considered to be a heartless monster in the view of these villagers hurt a little more than anticipated, though she had no right to refute it. No amount of apologies would ever remedy the divide that separated the Nightsisters from the Nightbrothers, regardless of how she felt. She clenched her fist as she turned to face him again.

“I said, leave me alone. Don’t make me-”

She actually choked on her words, unable to say the rest.

Don’t make me put you in your place.

Despite her partial warning, the nightbrother stepped closer. He grabbed the edge of his already tattered tunic and tore a piece of it off, inspecting it for cleanliness before holding it out to her. Eilantha froze, uncertain of what to make of this interaction.

“You aren’t done,” he explained.

She hadn’t realized that her hot tears continued pouring down her cheeks during her retort. She accepted the cloth with some reluctance, her dainty fingers lightly brushing against his as she took it and dabbed it against her wet face. He promptly turned and started walking away, as instructed. This strange...kindness, or rather, strange act of servitude via obligation perturbed the young witch, whose thoughts were now fixated solely on the zabrak male.

“Wait, Brother,” she implored.

He paused, resuming his attention to her after hearing the endearing use of “brother” from a Sister’s lips for the first time. She continued, an unusual softness in her tone.

“What is your name?”

“It’s Sever,” he revealed, “May I ask yours, Sister?”

She repeated his name in her mind, determined never to lose it.

“Eilantha.”

He did the same, only out loud. Gods, it was an enticing sound.

"Will you be returning?"

This was a question she wasn't prepared to receive, and one that she herself didn't fully know the answer to. Her reply was engineered from a concerned sigh.

"I'm not sure. It might be problematic returning to the coven empty-handed. I may come back, I may not. I don't know what the future holds."

Sever pursed his lips slightly.

"If you do find yourself here again, will you..."

He coughed into his fist and centered himself before continuing.

"Will you consider me?"

Her eyes shot up to meet his hopeful gaze, a golden yellow in the night. She had a hunch as to what he was alluding to, but a little clarification was needed.

"Consider you...?"

He swallowed, his countenance displaying concern that perhaps he was stepping too far out-of-bounds this time, but he wanted to know all the same.

"As your mate."

Eilantha clutched the piece of fabric in her hand. This man was offering himself to her. The images of all the nightbrothers staring her down when she first arrived with fear in their faces raced through her mind, revealing the dread the men felt when they were met with her kind, and yet this one was volunteering. She wasn't sure if she should be flattered or angry, as any other Sister likely would be at a savage that dared to seek special permissions. Of course, she wasn't like that.

Imagining him as her mate, however, was certainly...something. She thought of how she would discover just how much of him was tattooed and he would learn the same of her. She could claim him right then and there if she wanted, and he would be obliged to obey. It would solve her worries about returning home if she decided on a servant after all, although, her soul was unsteady. Though she was entitled to any male she desired, she couldn't allow herself to do it. Even though this man was offering, it would weigh on her conscience knowing that even a part of him would only be with her out of fear and obligation, rather than his own free will. This nightbrother wasn't free. None of them were.

"I'll consider it," she replied genuinely.

This news seemed to please him to some extent, a tiny smirk curling at the corner of his lip.

"I'll look forward to the possibility of serving you, Sister Eilantha."

She watched as he turned a final time and disappeared further into the darkness, leaving her alone with her busied mind.

The course was set for the Nightsister temple once she finally got to her speeder, servant-less. She looked over her shoulder to see multiple pairs of glowing golden eyes quizzically prying at her in the darkness, and she smiled before taking off.

It was a long journey home, and the entire trip her mind was occupied with thoughts of the intriguing zabrak male who saw her for what she truly was. She pulled out the tattered cloth from her pocket and pressed it against her chest as the wind rushed all around her before bringing it to her lips and kissing it.

It became her greatest treasure.

That is, until she finally had the real deal in her arms months later when the separation became too much to bear, and they arranged to meet in secret during their first rendezvous of many.

Sever, my treasure.

[cultofbeatles]

beginners guide to the beatles

 made one of these a long time ago but i'm surprised by how short it was. so here we go again. doing it right this time lol. 

pov: you told a bad joke and now the beatles are judging you. 

john winston lennon. later in his life known as john winston ono lennon. 

born on october 9, 1940 

i believe in astrology bc how does john just happen to be a libra 

when john was four he started living with his aunt mimi who acted more as his mother figure 

his mother, julia, remarried and would visit him quite a bit.

it was julia who taught john how to play banjo and piano. and she bought his first guitar.

they both had a deep love for music and rock n roll 

he never really thought of her as his mother but more as a cool friend i suppose 

aunt mimi was more rough on him and did the disciplining 

his father was never really present growing up and his uncle passed away when he was young 

he thought he was a curse for the men in his family 

he had five half siblings. two of them, julia and jacqueline, he was pretty close to. the other three he barely knew. 

fashion icon.

hated school but loved art 

very early on he was insecure with himself 

teachers always shit on him and said he would go nowhere in life 

he met paul at a church fete on july 6, 1957 

paul taught him how to play guitar properly.

once told paul that he didnt know how paul carried on after his mother died bc he just didn't think he could do it 

john’s mother died from being hit by an off duty policemen. john was seventeen at the time. 

 he took her death really hard and became a bit of a recluse. 

first serious relationship was with cynthia (we stan her) 

once cynthia cut her hair short and he didn't talk to her for two days. 

hate men. kill all men. 

when he asked her to dance at a party she turned him down saying that she was engaged, and so he said “well i didn't ask you to fucking marry me, did i?” 

slapped her once bc he was drunk and another boy was talking to her.

only time her hit her.

read cynthia’s books about john pls. i beg. 

once a psychic told him that he would be shot in the states.

founder of the beatles and also came up with the name.

instruments he could play: guitar, harmonica, rhythm guitar, banjo, keyboard, piano, saxophone, bass guitar, and a little drums. 

main songwriter in the beatles along with paul.

was more open minded to change in the beatles music. 

was insecure in his relationship with paul after a while bc he thought he only needed him for songwriting. 

would bitch about paul all day long but the second anyone else said something about him he’d be on their ass. 

had a lot of issues and needed a good hug. 

suffered from eating disorders, drug addictions, depression, insecurities, and questioned his sexuality bc of the time. 

was super open minded and ahead of his time in many instances. 

once he was called “the fat beatle” and after that he stopped eating as much.

truly loved his first son, julian lennon, and would buy him presents all the time bc he was excited to see him play with them.

“your famous ex husband”

he enjoyed playing monopoly. 

he once claimed that he saw a ufo.

he had written three books but he always wanted to write a children's book.

 the last song he ever performed in front of a live audience was “i saw her standing there.” with elton john.

he was afraid of the dark. 

found out later in his life that he was dyslexic. 

was also legally blind without glasses.

never could catch a break huh.

said that his best lyric ever was “all you need is love” i agree.

the first time yoko and john met was not at her art exhibit but actually when she approached him about giving away songs for free.

wanted to write a musical with paul. 

once a friend dared him to masturbate ten times in one day and he managed to do it nine times.

would hold circle jerks with paul and a few other friends. 

just dudes being dudes. 

went on a holiday with brian epstein, who was gay, and told some people afterward that they did certain sexual things. but we will never know for sure.

yoko says that john was bisexual.

once in an interview he said that he would of married a rich man or woman if he wasn't in the beatles. 

hated his voice on records. would always ask for effects on his voice for final recordings. 

made a film with yoko where it was just his penis going from flaccid to erect for fifteen minutes in slow motion. 

only beatle not to of become a vegetarian while he was alive. 

murdered on december 8, 1980.

gave his autograph earlier in the day to the man who would murder him.

died at the age of 40.

“all my loving” was played while he was at the hospital.

and its spooky bc a lot of times in interviews he would say “when i'm 40..” 

and it’s sad bc he was finally becoming who he truly wanted to be. 

honorable john moments that i love:

“thanks for the purpler hearts” he says while receiving the silver heart 

“you are the first person from liverpool that i've ever seen” “great”

eric lennon on my mind today 

this come together performance where he messed up the lyrics lol

that interview where paul was sick and john keep checking on him 

john lennon speaking nothing but facts 

when he said that he could see the beatles going separate ways but that they'd always come back together.

SHUT UP 

“shut up while he’s talking..”

this interview breaks my heart sometimes 

and this interview is great as well 

sir james paul mccartney 

born on june 18, 1942

if you ever have spare time just check out this man’s natal chart. 

idk how he’s still alive with his chart tbh. 

he has a younger brother named mike and a step sister named ruth. 

his dad thought he was the ugliest baby he’d ever seen when he was born. 

when he was young paul would kill frogs in a way to prepare himself for the war if he ever was drafted. 

the first instrument he ever learned to play was the trumpet.

I don't even want to list every instrument this man can play but trust me when I say it’s a lot.

but for the beatles he mainly did bass, vocals, and piano. sometimes playing the guitar and the drums.

the beatles was just paul moving really, really fast. 

he lost his mother when he was 14 due to surgery for breast cancer.

never really learned how to cope well with loss of a loved one tbh. 

had the cutest chubby cheeks as a kid tbh 

met john and was accepted into his band 

sometimes they'd ditch school together and either work on music or would visit art galleries.

went to paris with john and john bought him all the banana milkshakes that he wanted.

connected over their love and admiration for music, and bc they had both lost their mothers. 

had a girlfriend’s mom who he would make comb his leg hairs. 

was an ass to his first girlfriend.

kill all men again. 

almost had to marry his girlfriend dot bc she was pregnant, but she ended up losing the baby.

was the one who introduced george harrison to john.

practically despised pete best and stuart stutcliffe bc they were bringing the group down. 

got arrested along with pete best bc they lit a condom on fire in hamburg.

still felt awful and a little guilty when stuart died suddenly. 

main force behind the beatles imo. 

without him we’d have not as much beatles music as we do. 

was dating jane asher throughout majority of the sixties. 

when they first met they talked about syrup and paul fell in love.

they broke things off after she walked in on him sleeping with another woman though.

directed magical mystery tour and it was amazing and I don't care what anyone says ok?

when john divorced cynthia he was the only one not scared of john and went against his wishes of not speaking to cynthia.

was a little controlling at times. 

has a good heart though. 

mal evans had to drive him home once after a beatles sessions bc he was crying so hard. 

was talking about getting the band back to touring when john said he was leaving the group. 

everyone kind of turned against him when the beatles were breaking up and i hate it.

he just wanted what was best for the band.

married linda and had a nice little farm. 

we love that story.

linda i'm free thursday if you want to hang out pls.

started up the whole “no meat monday” thing where you don't eat monday on mondays

food meat. not the other kind of meat.

children: james mccartney, stella mccartney, heather mccartney, mary mccartney, and beatrice mccartney. 

rip martha. 

WINGS!! 

he lost linda in 1998 due to cancer.

 cried for a whole year bc of it.

still has dreams about john and says they're nice.

wrote a sad song about john called “here today.”

really loved john. like..he truly, genuinely did. 

want someone to love me like paul does john. 

“think of me every now and then old friend.”

honorable paul moments:

his story about george’s dad 

“john? he was beautiful. very beautiful.”

humpty dumpty rap 

another story about him and george.

his google search video that I watch every week 

this 

george harrison 

born: February 24, 1943 

or at least we think 

bc he use to say that his birthday was february 25, but later started saying it february 24. 

why can't we change our birthdays its not like we picked it 

he was the youngest child.

baby of the family and of the beatles awwww

two older brothers named harry and peter. one older sister named louise.

when george’s mom was pregnant with him she’d play sitar music.

his mom was super supportive of his career choice 

when he was 16 he worked as an electricians apprentice.

his dad kind of hoped he would start a family business out of it.

george said nah

would ride the bus opposite way of his house just to spend time with paul 

headbutted a kid bc he didn't think they were worthy of paul’s friendship 

was brought into the band bc of paul insisting to john 

would follow john around like a lost puppy when he first met him 

once had an eight hour erection. don't ask me how idk he said it.

was 17 when he lost his virginity and the other band members were in the room watching and cheered him when he finished 

most sex craved beatle tbh 

once walked into a girls dressing room and asked if they could stand there so he could masturbate 

he was the first beatle to go to america 

got a black eye for defending ringo once 

would make john and paul take turns sharing rooms with ringo when he first joined the band so that he felt more welcomed 

when ringo left during the white album and then came back george decorated the studio with flowers for him 

during the beatles first recording session he told george martin that he didn't like his tie

became a vegetarian at 22 

favorite candy was jelly beans and purple was his favorite color 

used the phrase “grotty” in the hard days night movie, hated it, but everyone else picked up on the slang 

met his first wife, pattie boyd, on the set of a hard days night 

was turned down by her at first 

they married in 1966

wouldn't let her do modeling stuff and was kind of an ass 

a stylish couple but not the best image for a healthy relationship 

got into eastern religion around 1965 

during the Hamburg days he would eat chicken on stage 

had an affair with ringo’s first wife maureen 

got a divorce from pattie in 1977

in 1978 he married olivia who he stayed with until his death and had one son with. dhani.

was the first beatle to hit a number one single and album. 

was buddies with led zeppelin

inspired their “rain song” 

smashed a piece of cake on john bonham’s head and then was thrown into the pool by him 

he financed and produced films. had a production company.

tom petty said that george never shut up once you started talking to him 

but he was often referred to as “the quiet beatle”

formed another band called the traveling wilburys

he’d answer questions online in the 2000′s and it’s the cutest thing ever and his answers break my heart too.

“what do you miss most about john lennon?” “john lennon.”

in 1999 a schizophrenic person broke into his house and stabbed him 40 times 

thank god olivia was there bc she was the only braincell in the room 

had to get a part of his lung taken out 

died november 29, 2001 from lung cancer 

ashes were scattered into the ganges river 

honorable george moments:

this interview he did with ringo 

“i'm sad bc i can't play guitars with john anymore. but i did that...i know we’ll meet again some day.”

when he invented reaction videos 

“the wind was blowing.” “..blowing my girl?”

“what kind of girl do you like?” “john’s wife.”

sir richard starkey aka ringo starr 

born on july 7, 1940 

oldest member in the group 

has no siblings 

naturally was left handed but his grandma thought it was bad luck so he writes right handed, and plays drums with a right handed kit 

but does everything else left handed

when he was 6 he fell into a two month coma 

was a very sick child 

when he was 13 he was in the hosiptal for tuberculosis and formed a hospital band 

grew up poor 

loves and looked up to his stepfather a lot 

his step father bought him his first drum kit in 1957

wasn't that great in school bc he missed so much of it from being so sick 

he worked for a britain railway for a while 

also served drinks on a day boat for a job 

loves dancing 

Rory storm and the hurricanes 

got his nickname from all the rings he would wear

replaced pete best as the beatles drummer 

dealt with people hating him for a bit bc they liked pete more 

had to style his hair in a bowl cut to be in the band and i'm still mad at them for making him do that shit 

ringo i'm so sorry 

george martin didn't really like his drumming and had a session drummer come in for the first album 

in 1964 he had tonsillitis, pharyngitis, and high fever all at once and had to be in the hospital for a bit.

was worried the beatles would replace him for good 

he’s a cancer don't worry

was the first beatle to try weed 

drummers always go first huh 

married his first wife, maureen, in 1965 

she kissed paul, ringo, and george.

what a champ

honeymoon was ruined by reporters 

was really insecure in his relationship and needed a lot of reassurance 

had a great relationship with pretty much all the beatles 

but a great one with john 

john felt his most relaxed when he was with ringo

was once in a movie with roger daltrey 

divorced maureen in 1975 

his wife now is barbara bach who he married in 1981 

had alcohol problems 

once gotten so drunk that he beat barbara so badly that he thought he killed her 

put himself into rehab after that 

barbara lowkey looks like jan from the office 

children: zak, lee, and jason

zak is the drummer for the band the who 

peace and love 

but don't send me fan mail anymore 

peace and love 

ringo starr and the allstar band (starting 1981)

was the narrator for thomas the tank engine 

will play at paul’s concerts sometimes now for fun 

mad bc he came on stage during paul’s last concert show and it was on my birthday and I couldn't go to it 

honorable ringo moments:

“do you want me to come with you?”

stupid barbara walters 

talking about paul 

giving us a little dance 

[sheerioswifties]

Okay so. On today's episode of "stuff able-bodied people say," there's something I want to bring just a little attention to. So I love memes, they're fun and funny. One new one going around is based on some stuff that's been in the news and spotlight lately- the "emotional support" thing, based on the stories that blew up about people's emotional support/service animals being brought on planes. Which, sadly has become yet another thing crucial to some people with legitimate needs that has been ruined by people taking advantage of the "loophole" to fly their pets free; now I've seen airlines denying all service animals, even seeing-eye dogs.

The other day I was in the waiting room at the doctors and overheard this family talking about the story of the lady who tried to bring an "emotional support squirrel" on a plane and it had turned into a whole thing. They were making fun of her, first implying she was crazy to begin with, having a squirrel as a pet, but also for claiming that it gives her emotional comfort. They said, "you can't have a rodent as a service animal! You gotta have something that does more than crack nuts!!" And so on. Now I'm not saying there aren't people who totally take advantage of this system or who seem to have "weird" versions of it; and I can even understand how to a lot of people, it sounds crazy that an animal could be medically necessary for anything besides things like dogs that assist the blind. But that's not the case, and I've got my own personal example to share.

You see, you know this sweet little guy? This fluffy little squish, my pet chinchilla?

Yeah, he's an "emotional support" pet (although I think it went by a different term when I got him, ie companion pet). Yup. Doctor and Physical Therapist certified. Here's the story:

I was sick and getting sicker early on but finally was diagnosed when things got really bad around 11 years ago. It wasn't too long after that I had to eventually stop working and be home a lot sick, often on bedrest, and in and out of the hospital. We both wanted to and it had been suggested that I have a pet- and anyone who has one, especially all you cat and dog owners, know how comforting and wonderful they can be to have around in general; and especially when you're sick or not feeling well. A little furry addition to the family that shows you love and affection and wants your love, affection and attention in return- it truly is therapeutic (and there's tons of science behind it too, but I know anyone that has pets knows what I mean). The thing is, first of all, I lived in apartments which have strict rules about pets. Then, unfortunately, I am very allergic to dogs and I'm very very sadly allergic to cats- so those "normal" choices were off the table. Now, how the chinchilla idea even came up in the first place is its own little story- the short version being that while I was still working, one day I was doing makeup at a Nordstrom that had a pet shop next door, and all the girls from cosmetics were taking turns to go look at these new cute little things they had- which turned out to be chinchillas- which I too then looked at, loved, and went home and researched about them. I'd had hamsters before etc, but these guys are not like other "rodent" pets it turns out, they are actually very much more like a cat or dog. They are also considered hypoallergenic/good pets for people with allergies. Other benefits were things like the fact that they're nocturnal and I had (still have obvs) major insomnia problems (it was even worse then bc I kept being put on Prednisone) and so it was a great companion for long nights up not feeling good. There's a lot more detail I could get into (and feel free to ask me questions) but long story short; we got chinchillas, including a newborn who grew up with me and is now that little fluff I talk and post about.

I know it sounds silly, maybe crazy or insane to have an emotional support chinchilla. But it really works... I mean it was recommended and signed off on by doctors, for lots of reasons, but it does help with both the depression and anxiety that come with going through progressive chronic illness and pain. It is a lovely distraction as well as giving a reason to get up every day sometimes. Taking care of the little guy is therapy; literally- almost 2 years ago now, I was going through daily physical therapy for a horrendous bout of vertigo (another long story) that had rendered me so nauseated and dizzy that I could barely sit up or even lift my head up or turn it. My physical therapists had us bring the chinchilla in for me to sit and play with as part of the therapy and it helped!

On top of it all or just in summary; just like having a loving cat or dog around to comfort you when you're not doing well, my chinchilla does the same. He knows/senses when I'm worse off and will come sit by me, snuggle me, or "ask" me to pet him and he'll give me love back. He watches over me and alerts me to odd noises and things too which is nice when I'm alone; like having a little guard dog. He does a lot of things.

So I guess I just wanted to share my story so that you guys could hear and have insight into what some of the people out there who have real, legitimate service or companion animals go through and how these animals work and help. I know that, in the end, to most people this is probably going to make me seem a bit crazy... but oh well; I have had to do what's needed in trying to live my life with the illnesses I've been dealt- and that's meant a lot of alternative and creative ways of doing everyday things. This is just one example. Thanks for listening. Xo

[arosebyan0thername]

Work related rant under the cut

My coworker is pissed that we have a new store manager who doesnt give her as much authority as our old one, so now shes throwing a fit and practically refusing to work. My SM and I found a bunch of price tags in the trash which were supposed to go up on my coworker's weekend, and then we wonder why none of the price changes are getting done accurately. She doesn't do anything even remotely physically strenuous, including just literally taking the fucking trash out. She cites her knee problems, but my SM literally was transferred to our store the week she came back from knee surgery, and with EDS I've had bad knees since middle school. Not everyone's pain is the same and you can't compare experiences with disability, but it's not fair to the two of us that we have to work through our pain every single time because she never ever does. And today, she left literally as soon as I clocked in, and my cashier leaves at 6. So I get 5 hours today to do a whole list of things, most of which were supposed to be done in the back room, which I can't do when I'm alone. She got her covid booster and flu shot at the same time yesterday, and I know for a fact the pharmacist told her that could make her extra sick bc she got it where we work and he's required to say that to everyone. I'm not mad that she went home early because she was feeling sick. I'm mad that she made a decision which she was very very well aware could lead to her being too sick to work. I'm mad that she consciously and fully informed made a choice to put me in the position I'm in today. She decided to get her covid booster and flu shot at the same time in the middle of the week instead of last week when she knew she would have Saturday and Sunday off work to recuperate. I've been wanting to get mine since the updated booster came out, but I've been waiting because I haven't had a time when I could do it and then take time off yet. I was going to wait and do it the Friday before her weekend, because I fucking know I don't want to be at work with that. And it's not like she just wanted to get it the moment it was available to her, because we've had it for a week or so already. She could have done it this past Friday!!!! And now im stuck doing all of the work that she should have been doing for her last two and a half hours plus all the work I was supposed to be doing while i had her and could work uninterrupted, plus everything else I was already gonna do today. I'm just really fucking tired of her but my SM refuses to actually fucking do anything about it

[dykedykegooses]

i'm askin u every single even numbered question for the lesbian ask game

at least you didnt bother with the algebra this time, for which i am thankful

Femme or butch?

i’m more femme but i try to act butch sometimes and i just end up failing hopelessly. ‘look mom i know how to put air in a tire!!’ ‘peyton thats like… not even right’ or ‘oh SHIT look at that blitz!! that was cool’ ‘peyton that was a sack’ ‘oh’

Do you have a “type”? If so, describe it

not really, mostly just like… humor. if u funny we click

Plaid button-ups or leather jackets?

why not both?

no but seriously plaid tbh

Describe your style

um yes

converse, (ripped? sometimes) jeans, and whatever top i feel is appropriate for the Big Aesthetic today

Describe your aesthetic

yes

ive tried going more punk but its just kinda , not worked

my physical aesthetic is very adultolescent. i got chub and look like a freshman but ive been told i pass as a college senior so like

my Big Mood aesthetic is yes

Favorite article of clothing?

either my converse or my “”combat boots”” (theyre not and it makes me sound like an edgelord just saying that) (can you tell im gay)

OH WAIT I FORGOT ABOUT MY JEAN JACKET its like baggy and light and ive started sewing patches from my favorite bands on it (super punk right)

Favorite pair of shoes?

^^^

oh my black strappy heels, theyre surprisingly comfortable

Current haircut?

ive got a bleached bob rn

Any haircut goals for the future?

i kinda want a pixie cut bc i cant handle long hair however long hair is so PRETTY and wow

Describe the best date you’ve been on

iiiiiiiiii dont really know. ive been on very few. i have a Perfect Date in mind, and i guess my favorite was my first date with my ex. we had gotten back from a successful science competition (HAVE I MADE IT OBVIOUS IM A NERD YET IM A BIG OL NERD) and it was like midnight by the time we got back and we were both starving so we went to taco bell and just sat there talking and laughing and i know we were pissing off the staff, but we stayed til like two in the morning and we went home and honestly we both considered it a date but we didnt like… tell each other it was a date? if that makes sense? idk honestly im triggered

Describe the worst date you’ve been on

ugh oh god i went on a tinder date and this girl like in the DMs was like ‘hey do u smoke weed’ and im like ‘lol no’ and then like we made plans to meet up at a coffee shop and she asks me AGAIN if i smoke weed and im like……………. no and shes like ‘oh right lol’ well THIS BITCH sleeps through the time we were supposed to meet, completely stands me up, and then texts me back like an hour later and was like ‘omg im sorry i overslept!!!’ and it was like….. noon but ok so we meet up after my class and we just sit there really awkwardly trying to make conversation and she asks me AGAIN if i smoke weed im like ‘honey no i dont’ and we just talked about drugs for a while and when i left because i had to gtfo she like gave me an awkward hug and like i sent a text later that night bc im courteous and im like ‘hey i had a great time today’ (i didnt) ‘lmk if you ever want to meet up again!!’ and she just. ignored me lol.

Single? Taken?

im currently in a polyamorous relationship with myself and my anxiety

If taken, talk about your girlfriend/wife!

:)

If single, what are you looking for in a potential girlfriend/wife?

someone who’s able to make me laugh and deal with my bad ideas and will let me cook for her and wants to travel the world with me

Describe your dream wedding

its small. outside. maybe in a field or in front of a lake. i dont personally want a big ballgown, just a short white dress will do. lavenders everywhere. R A I N B O W  C A K E. reception where we slow dance to all the sappy romance songs. its great.

Do you want kids?

not really, but ive considered being a foster parent. i feel like im here to do good; i don’t want to have my own biological children, and im not sure i want to have the permanent responsibility of adopting a kid, but i feel i could handle fostering once we’re financially stable and have the room to accept children into our home.

If you could live anywhere in the world, where would you live?

spain, definitely. somewhere in the north. i want to have a small farm with goats and chickens and vegetables and i want to be away from this american mess.

Favorite lesbian movie?

well ysee…………. the only two explicitly lesbian movies ive seen have been ���all about E’ and ‘blue is the warmest color’ and i didnt like either of the lmfaoooo i prefer watching lesbian television shows tbqh (or, most commonly, just rewriting all the female characters in my head to be sapphic sooooooo dont @ me)

Favorite lesbian novel/story?

i mean same as above, i dont read as much as i like to. however, i did read “georgia peaches and other forbidden fruit” and that was Really Good and i did read another that was slightly better, but i forget the name but it was about a pakistani (?) girl who was struggling to come out to her parents bc they were very traditionalist but she joins the theater and her like really elite school and the girl she had a crush on basically outs her and is a bitch about it and GOD i wish i could remember it because it was really good

Favorite lesbian song?

ummmmmmmmmmmm i just recently listened to ‘honey’ by kehlani and that was pretty good and pretty gay, but my personal favorite is ‘girls’ by beatrice eli bc holy shit what a Mood

Favorite lesbian musician?

i love mary lambert and beatrice eli.

What lesbian stereotypes do you fit into, if any?

ummmmm now that im thinking of them i cant think of any. i used to play softball and soccer? i love cats. i immediately start planning out the next five years of our lives together anytime im remotely interested in a girl?

Ever been assumed to be nothing more than a gal pal?

i mean………………. no

If a woman wanted to woo you, what would a surefire way to accomplish that?

well bake cookies w me and lets go for a walk & go out and watch the stars at night in the bed of a truck

Be positive! What do you like most about being a lesbian?

I LOVE LOVING GIRLS!!!!!! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT BEING A LESBIAN!!!!!! GIRLS ARE FANTASTIC!!!!!!!! WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!!

Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?

why not both

idk ive never had a cat but i know i lov them

Turn ons?

i.......... dont know

yes

im gay

Turn offs?

long nails youch theyre pretty to look at but i mean at what price

not having anything to talk about

putting yourself down like a lot (i went on a date w this one girl and that was all she did like the entire date like......... im sorry ? :(???)

Do you usually ask other women out or do you wait for them to ask you?

if im being honest i would love for someone to ask me out but since that is Very Unlikely, i tend to be the one to message first and initiate dates and stuff

What is your dream career?

i want to be a psychological researcher in the field of social comparative psychology how sick is that!!!!! just play with dogs all day and record whether or not they boop their noses on a screen

also i wanna be a farmer and a bookstore owner but thats Farther down the line like , when im 50

Talk about your interests or hobbies!

im honestly such a psych nerd i love psychology what the fuck!! its so interesting like ppl are weird man idk brains are weird

im also having a really big green day phase like billie .. he so smol... and also anyone who wants to bash warning or the trilogy can fight me ok those are like My Favorite Albums

im going to a concert in february to see declan mckenna, a Giant Meme

im getting a tattoo w some lyrics of declan’s actually its gonna be sick

What is the most attractive quality a woman can have?

yes

idk for me its being able to have quick, witty, skillful jokes i just love listening to girls talk and tell stories and jokes like wow im gay

also long curly hair? thats always a Solid Look

Do you love easily or does it take time for you to warm up to someone?

i mean. do we really wanna open this can of worms rn

too late, its open

i get those microcrushes where you like see a girl and youre like ‘WOW IM GAY DATE ME’ however once it comes to actually being in a relationship i throw my full weight behind it and worry that im being too suffocating or that im pushing my boundaries etc and ive been told that makes me come off really cold and uncaring so lol choose ur own adventure, you decide

Ever fallen for your best-friend?

unfortunately

Ever fallen for a straight girl?

can you even call yourself a lesbian if you havent

The L-Word: yes or no? (love it or hate it?)

i havent seen it, im such a fake lesbian

Favorite comfort food?

mac n cheese

or pizza

or cheesy potatos

OR CHEESY TOAST

scientific conclusion: im a fatass

Coffee or tea?

coffer

Vegetarian? Vegan? None of the above?

im vegetarian!! have been on and off for like two years now

Do you have any pets?

i have one pup sittin right next to me and shes the prettiest girl in the world

Early-riser or night-owl?

yes

idk i get up at like 9 which is early for me but not as early as like. 5. so

more like night-owl. thanks teenage hormones!

What is your sign?

pisces

Can you drive?

yes

can i drive well?

no

but i do have a sense of direction so thats cool

Who was your first lesbian crush?

tbh.................... my best friend, but i didnt realize it was a crush at the time

the first Gay Crush i had that i knew was a crush was on my close friend at the time, now my ex girlfriend

At what age did you know you were a lesbian?

uhhhhhhhhhh lesbian specifically, like 15-16. queer, i knew in like fall semester freshman year (so like 13??)

At what age did you come out (if you have)?

i mean, i come out to people all the time. first time i came out explicitly as a lesbian was when i was like 15 or 16 (actually i came out to a close straight friend and my ex and they both said ‘congrats’ like it was weird but very nice) and the first time i came out as queer/questioning was to my then-best friend at like 13 and i came out to my mom (involuntarily) at like 17? ish?

Are you crushing on anyone at the moment (celebrity or otherwise)?

yes im crushing on every girl simultaneously at all times

just kidding

(not really)

i dont really have any explicit crushes that i can think of im just really gay

Talk about how your day went

it was fine. got free froyo so that was cool. found out i made an A on my bio practical, so that was cool too. however, i wore a crop top and it was like 55 degrees out and raining so i looked like a total Idiot but yk follow ur slutty gay dreams amiright ladies

Talk about your dreams/aspirations for the future

most of mine are career-centric, but a few are personal.

i wanna go to costa rica in may, i wanna go to yale over the summer, i wanna go to NYC pride in june, i wanna go to spain after i graduate, i wanna go to grad school, i wanna be a psychological researcher, i wanna move to spain or england or hell even france, i wanna have my own farm with the woman i love, i wanna own an LGBT bookstore/library, i wanna just live a quiet life near the sea and not have to worry so much after a while.

Least favorite gay celebrity?

this is a weird one to end on, but iiiiiiim not sure i have one? i can tell you ellen page is probably my favorite, but i cant think of many i dislike so

[aibrechts]

(1 of a lot probably) aaAAAAAND I'm back! This time only at 2am tho haha, and as for why, you see, I met this wonderful, talented young man a few weeks ago and I wouldn't miss talking to him for the world. In any case, on the confidentiality thing, please don't worry meu amigo bonito. I trust your judgement, and either way, I /am/ still masked behind anon y'know hahaha. It's all good

I KNOW ITS BEEN LIKE A DAY AND IM SO SORRY everything is happening all at once All The Time sighs honestly i wish i could just lay back and bask in ur sunny conversation, even if just for one day;;;

that’s true, that’s true, i think i have an idea of who you are (or rather, which blog you run) but it almost seems a shame to figure out... that being said, if you are who i think you are then your writing is absolutely breathtaking, and as golden as your heart

(onto #2!) Chester seems plenty lovable btw haha. And I gotta agree that it'd be nigh impossible to find a better home for him. What he has with you? That's the genuine article, and you take /extremely/ good care of him and the others to boot. I'm sure even a famous boy like him gets awestruck sometimes by how lucky and loved he is. Poor Wisdom though! Like /damn/ hahaha. Tough break, kiddo. Tough break hahaha. That's what he gets for trashing the joint tho. {~J}

chester is the perfect man, it’s true, and wisdom is an absolute brat but he has his moments lol. he’s growing on me, similar to that fungal infection thats growing all over his poor handsome face :( i gave him a special bath for it yesterday, and he LOVED it, he loves being pampered. fifteen minutes of me scrubbing at all his itchy spots and spraying water in his mouth to keep him happy when i have to hose his face, and he looks so lovely clean now!!!!!

i know, i know, its sounds gross lol but it’s really not so bad. we caught it very early and he gets those baths twice a week, so it’s cleared up really well!!! 

it’s simply the time of year, i think. hot and humid, ponies sweating under their rugs, too many of them with stupid injuries - fudge had surgery on two of his legs a few months ago, and he’s about to start rehab; lulu got a.... skin cancer??? cut out of her stomach, and that’s been delightfully gross to maintain; rudi’s vice is flies - he’s very sensitive on his legs, and kicks so hard that he cuts his own ankles, poor boy; nikki went lame somehow and no one knows how or why but she seems fine now???????; and we were SO WORRIED that chester had an abscess in his hoof bc a big chunk went missing out of it, but the farrier came for him today and everything was fine, the hole trimmed out clean and simple. 

BIG SIGH THEY’RE....... SO DIFFICULT. so much to maintain, and rumple is as sick as ever but he’s old so that hardly counts. the only ones who are really maintaining themselves are wyn and louie, and i honestly don’t know how louie does it with how he runs around like a maniac all day. BUT ANYWAY!!!!

3 never did end up coming through lol so i’ll move right on

(and then there were 4) What can I say? Your silvered light dazzles even the sun, and inspires the moon and stars with its iridescent brilliance. It'd be a crime to put someone so amazing on hold hahaha.

i dont know much lol but i know im a saggittarius. i seem to be surrounded by scorpios at this point in my life, and i can hardly find a thing to complain about. you’re all absolutely wonderful, and i always seem to be quite taken with your crew’s company ahahaha. 

rather, im surrounded by water signs in general LOL. my siblings are each pisces, cancer and scorpio, i met a bartender last night who was a scorpio, and kimmy is one too lmao yall are everywhere and im Loving it

(#5 comin in hOt) You were also right on the water-affinity thing though haha. I actually knew how to swim before I knew how to walk, believe it or not. Anyway, that picture is absolute /gold/. It really is. And the prophesy was fulfilled so completely that even Voldysmoldy was blown away. You look dashing, by the way! 120/10 best wrapping paper boob stuffer. On the subject of talking though, /holy hell/ don't tempt me I would /gladly/ talk with you all day without hesitation hahaha

LAUGHS thank you i certainly try my best. my brother’s a good sport, and i somehow feel like a strong mix between him and the sister im now living with (the cancer, if you’re curious ahaha). every day we’ll find ourselves saying the same thing at the same time, and every now and then she’ll give me a strange look and say i sound just like leo, or even that i look like him for a moment ahahaha. 

it’s interesting, it’s strange. i’ve always looked up to them so much (being the youngest and all), so it feels oddly like a compliment, whenever these things happen. 

(#6)(just think, two more of those and you get one of me hahaha). Onto the sleeve tho! The circle maze sounds /fantastic/, and I bet it looks really cool right now, though I'm sure the finished product will be absolutely astronomical. The design you have in mind sounds /epic/! (for real though tatts are so expensive I feel your pain there hahaha)(may the Force be with you I believe in you)(you got this)(you SO got this)(you're gonna kick this resolution's ass). {~J}

lmaoo thank you thank you, i intend to bust so much money on it this year. i still have my lower forearm to design, but i’ve thoroughly plotted out the rest of my arm; the maze is given to inception, the next installment will be vaguely reminiscent of kingdom hearts, and pokemon will take up the space from halfway up my forearm before turning into cc beyond my elbow. so it’s just that part on the back of my forearm that is a bit of a blank canvas rn ahahaha

(holy hell I might need more than 7) I regretfully inform you though that I can't and I shan't cease to flatter you, because you deserve to know the truth of how talented and wonderful you are. And I definitely agree on the balance thing. The devil is in the details and complexity is key, so all the more reason to be proud of how amazing your works are! And /20k/? /Damn/ that's impressive! (and even tho I prefer halloween, I for one will gladly plunge back into the tinsel for you hahaha) {~J}

it’s officially 22k but i haven’t had time to work on it the past couple of dayssssss BUT I FIGURED OUT THE LAST SCENE so it’s only a matter of spare time lololol

(#8 because what's second christmas without snowmen? lol) I'm glad to hear you've got a pretty solid sleep schedule by the way! (and it definitely /was/ worth the discomfort)(still slept like a rock the followin night tho hahaha). I'm really happy that Alma appears to be defying the odds by the way! True to their namesake, and all thanks to their wonderful father. Sheesh. I knew you were dynamically skilled, but this just proves you're magical haha. In your care? I know they'll flourish. {~J}

LOL i am LOVING these message starters btw. yesss tho my family has always been keen on growing things lol. mum had a magnificent herb garden, and i’ve never seen oregano as big as what’s growing in my garden rn. we just planted dahlias where the sunflowers used to be and i wasn’t sure they’d be alright, but they really seem to be flourishing!! im so glad!!!!

(9/9 for the new record hahaha) I'm so proud of both you and them! Not to be punny, but I'm a sap anyway when it comes to plants. or, well, all of nature really haha, and Alma looks really great from the pic I saw! Anyway, speaking of hocus-pocusing, I hope today has been absolutely magical for you, as you deserve no less than the wondrous and the fantastic. Talk to you soon, meu amigo bonito! {~J}

lmfaooo i love that. and yes, their leaves are so cute!!!! so small!!!!! thank u so much tho, the past couple of days have been pretty great. I’m wondering if i can worm a morning off out of my sister, considering she’ll have a day off on sunday and i’ll be working at the cafe from 7 lol;;;; i desperately want to finish starboy, but time really is my enemy right now ahahahaa

thank you so much for all this, i adore you and i hope you managed to get to bed at a reasonable time tonight!!!! sleep well, i’ll see you soon