#I actually took that pic today surprisingly

[rosicheeks]

Wow. Rosi. I'm stunned speechless. You're gorgeous.

[kurinhimenezu]

90 Day Baby Daddy - Adam - HH

Previous Chapter <- -> Next Chapter

Chapter 2

Author's Note: Plot lost itself a little but it'll be explained in the next chapters! I have no idea how long this will be so hopefully we'll find out together

CW: Adam cursing in front of babies, mentions of stalking (but not really emphasized)

Enjoy

Arrem looks worriedly over at her friend typing furiously at her laptop.

“Hey man, I’m just saying…maybe get a student loan? Instead of like selling feet pics to save up for some semesters for college seems a little much, right?”

“I really don’t want to be in even more debt to be honest with you and I am NOT selling feet pics! I was just writing someone’s essay for a couple of bucks” Y/n made a face before picking up her coffee. “At least we can mooch off of some wifi around here”

Arrem nodded and toasted her cup before taking a sip. Her eyes occasionally flitting back and forth to her book and to Y/n.

“Okay what is up, you’ve been staring at me looking like you wanna explode or something” Y/n took another sip of her coffee and placed it down on the coaster.

“I still can’t believe that…” Arrem leaned closer, whispering, “I still can’t believe Adam is the guy that knocked you up…why didn’t you tell us?? We could’ve sued the pants off of the guy for unpaid child support”

Y/n snorted, shaking her head. Arrem was always the practical one, even when her suggestions tend to be a little psychotic and the only one who knows her kid’s actual father.

She looked at her friend, dressed simply with her boots and long sleeves. She’s sometimes jealous that Arrem and the rest of the guys managed to finish their studies with relatively no problem.

Pen and Arrem took the same degree and are studying for their work licenses, working in the diner for the mean time to have some extra cash in the bank.

Fish finished his teaching degree a year before them, gave up teaching after seeing how fucking dumb the students of today are, thus crushing his hope for the younger generation and sunk his savings in a diner that’s surprisingly doing well to support him and his mom.

Which was sweet.

It’s a little difficult to not feel inadequate when you’re stuck someplace you can’t seem to get out of. She did try to finish college, hell she only had a couple of classes left to but being heavily pregnant and having to walk everywhere just to get to class just got too difficult. The judgemental stares didn't help either.

She had to drop out and take care of her baby.

It’s not all bad, she’s grateful for the kid and couldn’t imagine not having her after seeing her after birth. She just wishes she got pregnant on her own terms. Hell after graduating would've been nice.

Y/n frowned, she still couldn’t remember how she got into Adam’s bed in the first place and it’s really bothering her when she has some time for herself to think.

“I’m serious!”

Y/n snapped out of her thoughts, “Hm?”

Arrem sighs, taking a bite of her hashbrown viciously. Girl loves her potatoes. “I mean if it weren’t for him—”

“I know but it’s no use dwelling in the past...besides you love the little bean, right?” Y/N grinned.

Her friend crossed her arms and looked away, “Yeah, I do…she’s got spunk but what’ll you say when she grows up? Toddlers are smart sometimes you know”

“I’ll get to that bridge when I get there right now, I’m enjoying the baby ride”

Arrem uncrossed her arms and turns to look at her, “I’m still sorry…I feel partly responsible for what happened, I shouldn’t have given you all that alcohol and I should’ve kept an eye on you”

Y/n looks at Arrem in surprise. Arrem looks so mad at herself. Has she been holding on to this guilt the whole time?

“Hey, don’t feel responsible, I’m pretty sure I went and wandered off on my own anyway, it just so happens to be Adam I got with”

Her knowing Adam being the father of her child was no baseless accusation.

She knew it was Adam that she got with because she remembered waking up sore but utterly satisfied and his huge autograph written on her stomach along with his “phone number” …in permanent ink.

It took her 3 days to completely scrub all the ink off, (After having Arrem take a picture of course, the picture is tucked away in her little journal along with the rest of the merch she has of Adam’s band. She hates how obsessed she was before the incident)

“Shit man, don’t look now” Arrem mumbled against the lid of her coffee cup.

“Huh?” Y/n discreetly looks at the door, the bell jingling indicating a new customer.

Murmurs start to echo in the small coffee shop and not the usual kind of white noise either. It’s more…excited, quick, hushed whispers and the snapping of phone cameras.

“Yo…hook me up with a venti flat white, would ya? Ya’ll got supersize?”

Y/n internally groaned at hearing that annoying accent. That fucking drawl she thought was charming at one point. Adam has this way of speaking that you can’t really tell where he’s from, like a mix of speech patterns you can’t pinpoint. Y/n just chalked it up to travelling around so much.

The barista flinched at the order before nervously looking at the large man. With that boyish attitude on interviews, Adam still looks intimidating with his studs and spikes with golden eyes lined with what looks like dark smudged charcoal.

Okay she needs to stop.

“Uh sir...that’s more than enough espresso to give a normal man heart palpitations…are you sure?”

Adam looks at the barista like he’s stupid. “Then serve it to me in those little cups then?”

The barista opened his mouth before shutting it closed, nodding his head in defeat, “Yes sir that’ll be $149.99 please”

Y/n choked on her iced coffee at hearing the price, gaping as Adam easily pulled out a black card and swiping it at the machine.  “Jesus man, I didn’t even know this place have those”

Arrem shrugged, tapping on her phone, “He says he’s a struggling artist but you never know with types like him”

“Helloooo ladies”

The two women let out annoyed sighs, one rolling her eyes before looking up at Adam.

“Adam” Arrem nodded, lifting her cup at him, “Big fan”

Adam gave her a finger gun before looking over at Y/n expectantly.

Y/n looks at Adam with a raised brow, judging him from head to toe. “Not so big fan” She smiled at him almost sickly sweet.

Adam huffs, taking a sip of his heart stopping coffee. “Right sooo…” He looks at her awkwardly trying to keep his cool.

It doesn’t help that a bunch of nosy fucks are filming him right now. His PR manager is so gonna fry his ass later.

“Oh! Right…here!” he shoved his hand down his tight leather pants, pulling out a cloth headband, pink and wrinkled with what looks like a fake rhinestone in the middle of it. “Your brat dropped this!” Adam grinned, handing it over to Y/n. He looked almost proud of himself for keeping it safe till now.

Y/n blinked at Adam before looking down at the thing suspiciously, it looked too…expensive to be her baby’s. Before she could protest that it’s impossible to be Addie’s, Arrem nudged her foot with hers.

“Dude...”

Y/n looked at her friend before finally noticing the café’s patrons trying to discreetly tune in to their conversation.

She bit her lip as Adam’s grin widened almost wickedly at seeing her resolve crumble and taking the hairband from his hand.

“Right…thank you SO much Adam, my baby’s been missing this…thing for a few days” Y/n turned the clip around inspecting it. It was shockingly girly, looking at it now she does remember panic buying a ton of baby girl stuff before Addie was born. Maybe she forgot about this particular hairband?

All in all, it doesn’t look too suspicious. Just a normal run of the mill hair clip.

Once Y/n took the ribbon and tied it to her bag, Adam smirked before turning away to sit at the corner booth at the back, the rest of his bandmates coming into the shop to sit at his table.

“Never noticed Addie wears ribbons like this” Arrem nodded at the hairband.

Y/n doesn’t want to make a scene and shrugged, not knowing what to say.

This was the first time she ever saw this hair clip too.

Y/n couldn’t seem to escape Adam lately. From the sleepy part of the city she knew and love turned into the #1 spot for tours, making her daily life seem a little more…ad conscious. Billboards of Adam’s face promoting his new album or a new music video that they’re going to shoot somewhere nearby or other bands opening for Adam playing non stop in TVs in the grocery stores.

Adam had snuck into her life again, remembering her name this time and even giving out his real number. Which she hasn't tried to call.

It wasn’t so bad, the vibes suddenly started becoming energetic with tourists coming in with all the popup events coming in.

Adam would travel around and would always come back after some months to “catch a break” here before going off again.

Maybe she’s feeling a little too full of herself into thinking that a famous rockstar is following her around but it was a little strange.

Sometimes she feels like someone is watching but when she looks around, no one is there. Or it's some rando not even paying attention to her.

But then who else would leave new baby stuff at her doorstep? Definitely not some good Samaritan. Her friends were pretty stumped too when she called to thank them for the gifts.

It was too much to think about and just let it happen.

“Damn how expensive are the frozen vegetables now…?” She mumbled, placing the generic store brand packet in the cart. The grocery was thankfully quiet, the early morning giving her some semblance of peace with the old folks doing their shopping and the sleepy night shifters minding their own business.

Addie gurgled, babbling and taking a bite of her teething ring as she tries to reach for a rubber duck hanging from the shelf.

A large hand plucked the toy from the shelf and handed it to the baby, making Addie squeal happily.

“I’ve never heard you laugh at vegetables before baby…that’s new…” Y/n’s voice trailed off seeing Adam, smiling at her kid and making a rubber duck squeak in his fist.

“Are you serious??”

Adam’s eyes flickered up at her and grinned, “Hey angeltits, looking gorgeous as usual”

“Man your crush on me is really obvious…your groupies must be so sick of seeing me with you”

Adam recoiled from her, handing the duck over to Addie. “Bitch you’re lucky to be in my presence”

Y/n snorts, putting a can of sauce into her basket, “And yet you’re somehow around us whenever you’re ‘on break’ “

Adam made a face and kept quiet, he doesn’t have a good comeback he has to admit so he turned to Addie, “Mommy’s being a cunt huh princesss? Yes she iissss”

Y/n’s eyebrow twitched and pushed Adam’s face away from her laughing kid, “Can you not curse around my baby??”

He only rolled his eyes before looking down at the sorry excuse of groceries in the cart. Something in his gut recoiled.

           | What do you mean?? She can’t be mine!

“Your choices suck ass Y/n” Adam frowned, taking the cart and started shoving actual food into the cart.

| Well...why wouldn’t she tell me then?

“H-hey! It’s not my fault this place has limited stuff-Adam!” Y/n cringed as he grabbed stuff left and right not even checking for the price or sales or even if it was qualified for a coupon before dropping them into the cart.

He even grabbed some of those yogurt bites for Addie.

“Adam” Y/n grabbed his arm, before he could grab a bag of fruit. “Listen…I appreciate the stuff and the concert tickets—”

“Which you didn’t go to and how did you even know it was me sending you those packages?” He pointed out.

She rolled her eyes, “Maybe next time, change your name on the Amazon packages before sending it to my house” Y/n sighs, rubbing her face tiredly. Adam, I can’t afford this stuff…if you think I can you’re sorely mistaken”

Raising a brow, Adam placed the bag of fruit in to the filled cart and started wheeling it to the check out, “And what makes you think I’m letting you pay?”

The cashier started to swipe the stuff in one by one, the prices going up and up.

“Adam—”

“We need to talk Y/n”

Y/n frowned, looking at the man staring nonchalantly at the numbers on the screen before tapping his card easily to pay for everything.

There wasn’t a hint of joking around on his face which was unusual for the normally unserious musician.

Adam took Addie from the cart and carried her, escorting Y/n to the parking lot and letting the cart jockeys help with loading the groceries into the back of his truck.

Y/n wet her lips, already having an idea on what the talk would be with the way Adam was looking at Addie and the way he’s so familiar with holding her…

Shit.

I may have rushed it a little lol

Tags: @sniigura

[croucify]

✶ STARGIRL — hamzahthefantastic x reader

006 ✶ Something Bout You

stargirl masterfile �� next – previous

SUMMARY: hamzah has a crush on a youtuber who's always out and about and slushies see their relationship progress on social media! (smau)

DISCLAIMER: reader is a brown haired girl and for some pics that aren't faceless, i'll be using olivia rodrigo cause i love her and she’s filipino like me hehehe

A/N: not proofread! so sorry for taking so long to update this seriesss

liked by ynln and 10,819 others

slushynfan y/n and hamzah were at a bar in los angeles last night!

view comments

user792 theyre so cuteee

user018 i live for this account

user633 Are they dating noowww?????

user014 not y/n lurking and liking the post 😭

ynln posted on their story !

“i know you’re like upset over the coffee but i literally offered to get you another one and you said no.” hamzah teased as he looks up from his phone to the girl in front of him. you were looking down at your phone, your lower lip being bit as you try to stop herself from smiling.

you shut your phone off after looking at the story you posted one last time. you grin at him, taking a piece from the croissant he got you.

“it’s fine hamzah i swear,” your words muffled by the croissant.

this is usually how they spent their days in la. either one of them would oversleep and the other would go out to buy them coffee and breakfast but today, both of them surprisingly woke up late, about to leave to do the routine but caught each other.

the past days, it was you who overslept but hamzah didn’t mind, not wanting to disturb your sleep and at times he’d just admire your sleeping figure as you tossed and turned on the bed while he got ready to leave. though, every time he got out to get you coffee, the barista would always make a mistake with your order which you never told him until today.

the past few days also made you realize that your crush on hamzah was growing deeper and deeper. you didn’t know whether or not what you’ve been hearing about him liking you were true so you didn’t bother mentioning what you were feeling towards him but he was starting to notice that at times, you tend to be awkward and hesitant especially when he gets too close or your bodies touch the slightest bit.

he takes also piece from your croissant, larger than the one you took earlier which made your eyebrows knit and jaw slack open.

“hamzah, what the hell!” you said louder than usual, the other customers glancing to where the pair of you were sat.

a smile was on his face as he chewed. when he finished, he took a huge sip from the drink you haven’t touched since you took one sip from it, earning a confused look from you. he looked up at you with an innocent look, head tilted slightly. “what? said you didn’t like this right?”

you roll your eyes playfully, crossing your arms. “yeah, but i’d you know—still drink it!” you stuttered, shrugging a bit.

“sure y/n…” hamzah said before he took a sip from your drink again. “we’ve been here for almost 20 minutes, the ice is almost completely melted, would you actually still drink this?”

as you were about to answer, he continued speaking again. “and the fact they got your order completely wrong too, don’t lie to me now.” he smirked at you teasingly.

you narrowed your eyes at him as if you were testing him, trying to see if you’d win but seconds later, you let out a groan. “ugh fine, okay. yes i won’t drink it.” you roll your eyes, trying to hide the smile on your face.

“now, can you please let me get you another drink?” he asked with a smile.

“okay, but get me a matcha latte instead of the coffee.”

“yes ma’am!” he tells you, smile not leaving his face as he saluted to you like a little kid before going to the counter to order.

the interaction leaving butterflies fluttering in your stomach and a red tint on your cheeks.

✶ taglist — @cdbabymp3 @noturbabe22 @dabuggh3 @thatmartinkitten @tumb1rgir1z @mfcherry @ldrvinyl @certainfestivalnerdshepherd @seasidelily @jisyng @brucewayngfreal @beamuah @maybankfr LMK IF U WANNA BE ADDEDDD!!!

[jaslan4f1]

Love at 300 km/h LN4 Part 2

Masterlist

Warnings: friends to lover kinda thing, fluff & angst (I actually cried while writing this)

Notes: english is not my native language so this may contain consistency errors, i would really appreciate the corrections but please, be kind. feedback is also appreciated ♡

Summary: You and Lando are close but neither of you tried being more than friends. What happens when you both finally realize that love is right infront of you?

~ This is actually a story related to my own life right know. I have a driver friend that I’m crushing on and some events are in this story. Haha

You never wanted Lando to race for points that badly in your life. Was he really feeling the same you thought? His quality hasn’t been so good yesterday. He finished P15 so he had to fight to come to P4. You wanted him to finish that high and he wanted to take you out properly. You listened to everything the commentator said. Lando was now at P8. Gasly was infront of him. “Will Lando get pass Gasly? And with DRS Lando Norris passes Piere Gasly. What a great race for the McLaren driver“ the one commentator said enthusiastic. „Yay Lando, he is surprisingly very determined to get some points and drive into the top 5. I wonder where this comes from?“ the other commentator responded. Just 6 more laps…will Lando manage to get to P4? But to your surprise Landos car got even faster and he even got passed George and Lewis. “Great Lando you doing amazing“ was what you heard from Landos radio. “Thanks guys the car is great and my motivation is even higher today. Lets keep pushing for P4“ was Landos respond. You smiled when you heard his voice. Moments later Lando was just one position away from P4. You prayed for a miracle that he will get passed Stroll. And then something strange happened. Aston Martin wanted Stroll to pit on the last two laps. That made Landos position clear. He was P4. “Yes baby I knew you could do it“ you screamed as you threw your fist in the air. Lando ended with that position. He could wait to call you and take the next plane to you. He couldn’t stop from smiling, even in his interview he was asked why he was smiling so much. “Oh you know the race was just very good and I just had a great motivator“ he teased. You knew that his fans were going to get crazy about his comment. You quickly took your phone and started to take some photos for him. You promised him to send him these if he finishes P4. You took a few pics till you were happy with on of them. You looked very cute in one of his perch hoodies. You didn’t even think twice and send him the pic with a little caption: “Hopping to hear from you after your duties. Call me x Y/n. PS: You did amazing <3“

“I think your friend just texted you“ Landos media manager told him and gave him his phone. Without thinking Lando opened your chat. He saw your picture. You were in fact wearing his hoodie but he could also see that you weren’t wearing any sweatpants. Your legs were just being covered by his oversized hoodie. When he read your caption he smiled. “You little teaser“ he said to himself. After the dinner he had with Carlos he went straight to his hotel room. He unlooked his phone and went straight to the Facetime icon. He couldn’t just hear your voice, he had to see you. “Lando?“ a black screen and a sleepy voice accepted his call. “Fuck did I woke you up?“ he didn’t thought about your time change. “You kinda did but its ok now I’m awake anyway“ you said with a raspy voice. He loved your sleepy figure and voice. You turned your light in your bedroom on and looked at your phone. Lando looked tried. “You look like shit“ you said and laughed. “Well that’s nice. Thanks I thought you wanted to congratulate me but that’s also fine I guess“ he laughed. You stoped laughing and looked at you. Even tho he wasn’t with you this moment it still felt like he was sitting next to you. “So in that case…congratulation to P4 mister Norris“ your shyly voice made Lando grin. “Thanks I would love to talk longer to you but you should sleep and I should too.“ Your smile faded. “I guess you’re right. Hear from you soon?“ you asked sadly not wanting to end this call just now. You guys wished each other a good night and ended the call.

Lando was at the airport waiting with Carlos and Charles for their private yet. “Hey mate why are you so nervous?“ Charles asked. “Well I kinda have a date with Y/N when I get back to Monaco“ both Ferrari driver looked surprised at him. “Wait Y/N Y/N? Your best friend Y/N?“ Carlos asked “Pierres ex friends with benefit Y/N?“ Charles asked. Landos and Carlos eyes widened. “What?“ Lando asked. “Lando calm down I was just probably just a joke right…right Charles?“ Carlos said and prayed that Charles would get the hint. In that moment Pierre walked by. “You slept with my Y/N?“ Landos angry voice cracked. “Ok guys I thought we agreed not to tell him“ Pierre looked to the Ferrari driver. “Sorry mate it slipped out“ both said. Lando looked back. “Wait you both knew and didn’t told me? You knew how much I liked her and that for many years“ tears forming in his eyes. You meant the world for him. He didn’t really liked Pierre but he also didn’t dislike him. But he hated to fact that you were intimate with another driver and haven’t told him. It felt like every moment he thought you guys were crushing on each other was fake. “If it calms you down it was just for 3 months and she ended it“ Pierre said. Lando rushed to the bathroom he had to hear it from you. He wanted to call you but that would be childish. He knew what his first thing in Monaco was going to be. And boy he hoped that it was a bad joke.

a/n; I know it got a bit sad but I swear it will all add up in the end.

[sunnyie-eve]

2 | Proud of You

Series: Significant

Paring: Colby Brock x Original female character

Warnings: None

Word Count: 1.6k

| MASTERLIST |

~

"Sam! Sam! Sam!" Penelope rushes down her stairs since he was over at her house getting a snack in the kitchen at the moment.

"What?" He freaks out as she rushes in.

"So I've been keeping a secret from you and Colby but I can now tell you because I made it through the prosses and shit. Look!" She shows him her phone which was on an Instagram modeling account.

"Glad to announce our beautiful newest model to the family, Penelope Lane Hill." Sam reads the caption then looks at her, "Wait? What?" He makes her laugh.

"Yeah, umm last few months when I've said I was too busy. This lady reached out to me so I took her offer. Actually modeling kind of helps me with how I see myself." She lets him know.

"I can't believe this... Congratulations, Pen!" He hugs her then looks back at her phone, "That's a really good pic of you. You surprisingly pull off blue lipstick." He hands her phone back. "Also today is a filming day." He lets her know.

"And I still have to go?" She pouts.

"Yep." He takes her hand dragging her out of her house to the car.

When they get to the house Colby was outside waiting for them with his arms crossed, "You're late."

"How can we be late if there was no set time? Also, I have some news to share." She hands him her phone and her looks over it before looking at her.

"No fucking why! My bestie is a model now! Look at you!" He squeezes her picking her up a bit. "I'm so proud of you!" He lets go of her.

"Thank you. I told Sam it helps me a bit feel better." She smiles.

"Are there any others we can see?" He asks as they go inside.

"Yeah, I'll post them to my Instagram later."

"Ok, are you gonna hang alone or watch us?" He asks her. "We're doing dares people sent us on Twitter."

"Maybe both. Depends." She laughs taking a seat.

"Okay." They leave her alone just to see one dare say to have her take part in one video. "PENNY!" They yell for her so she comes in huffing what.

"Our first date is to have you be in one full video." Sam shows her the tweet.

"It's dares for Sam and Colby. Not Sam and Colby and Penelope."

"Come on." Colby pulls her into the frame.

"Fine. I'll do it." She makes them cheer and the first dare was to put ice in their front pants pockets.

"We're just gonna keep it here the whole entire video. Oh! It's already cold!" Colby complains.

"This is easy for me." Penelope laughs at them.

"Of course it is." Colby playfully glares at her.

The next dare was a one-handed handstand and the guys couldn't do it but Penelope did it for a few seconds. "How?" Sam asks surprised.

"She was in gymnastics from four to seventeen." Colby answers for her.

"Yeah, I hated it but my mom wanted me to be like Harper." Penelope tells the camera. "Luckily, she stopped taking me one day." She winks.

"I dare you guys to eat a tablespoon of mustard with ketchup." Sam reads the next one making Penelope make a face shaking her head no.

"Penelope will not do this one. Even if it was for all the money in the world. She hates mustard with a passion." Colby says leaving to go get the things while she stays with Sam.

"Why do you hate it so much?"

"Because it's terrible. I'd rather kiss a snake than eat mustard." She says making him crack up.

"You're terrified of snakes though."

"Exactly!" She laughs with him as Colby comes back.

She watches the two and wants to puke just imagining it as they do it. They both make noises at how disgusting it was.

"Want a kiss? I think I got some on my lips." Colby jokes with Penelope and it wasn't odd for them to joke like that.

"Eww and EWW!" She moves Sam closer to him.

"I dare y'all to switch shirts in under 20 seconds." Sam reads the next one.

Penelope didn't care since she was in a sports bra so she took Colby's shirt, Sam took her shirt, and Colby took Sam's shirt.

"That was easy and this shirt is so soft on the inside." Sam says touching her shirt.

"I know, right. I love that shirt. You're mom actually bought it for me." She tells him.

"Really?" He says surprised.

"Yeah, birthday gift." She laughs.

While the guys wall twerk for a minute, Penelope keeps track of the time for them. "Colby, I love that you peed yourself." Penelope laughs at him and he sees how the ice melted.

"Is y'all's not cold yet?" Colby asks them and they say it's cold for them.

For the next dare, Penelope gets her lipstick out of her bag for the dare, "I'm gonna need to get a new one now." She watches Sam ruin it a bit.

"It's fine. Here put it on me." Sam hands it to her so she does it to him almost perfectly till Colby nudges her arm on purpose.

"You ass." She glares at him.

"Okay, now let me put it on you." He turns her to face him.

"I'm gonna look like a clown." She tilts her head up a tad.

"Pucker your lips so I can do this."

"You don't pucker your lips to put on lipstick." They both bicker so she stops for him to just do it and she ends up having a long line on her bottom lip. "I can't." She wipes it off so she doesn't look stupid.

Colby and Sam look at each other as if they could communicate with their minds so they grab her both kissing her cheeks so their lipstick was on her face.

She just stands there shaking her head annoyed with them, "I quit." She laughs leaving the room.

"Keep that on till we're done!" They shout at her.

"Whatever!" She shouts back.

Sitting around on her phone messages a friend of hers the boys tell her there's a dare to slap Colby in the face with hot sauce. "I'm not excited for this." Colby groans heading outside and Penelope follows wanting to watch.

"Just be careful with it going in his ear." She tells Sam as he sets the camera up.

"I can't help where it goes."

"You sorta can since you're slapping him." She laughs.

"Why can't we see your ice cubes melting? Did you take them out?" Colby touches where her pockets are and can feel the cold melted water. "How is that not bugging you?"

"Sometimes I take super cold baths when I don't take super hot ones." She explains to him.

"Alright, guys. What's up? We're out here. You got about to be slapped with some hot sauce." Sam claps his hands.

"I'm not excited for this." Colby says again, "I'm gonna take off my beanie. Here, hold this for me." He puts it on Penelope's head.

"What am I a coat rack?" She giggles.

"A beautiful coat rack." He pats the top of her head.

"It's in my ear! She even said to be careful." Colby complains.

"Sam, you barely even slapped him in the face. That was all ear." Penelope pulls Colby's head towards her to see how bad it was.

"Why is it burning?!" He walks away.

"Come on. I'll help you clean it." Penelope helps him take off Sam's long sleeves and holds it by his ear so it doesn't get on the carpet as they walk to the sink. "This is gonna be difficult not to wash it down in there more." She huffs.

"You always clean us up after stupid shit so you got this. You're the mom of the group." Colby laughs as she carefully cleans his ear up.

"I'm the mom yet you two ignore me?" She tugs on his hair.

"Exactly. Plus you're still younger than us."

"You're two months older than me so shut up." She finishes up.

"What would I do without you?" He stands up smiling at her.

"Clean the hot sauce out of your own ear for starters." She smiles back, "I texted Harper to come pick me up so she should be here soon. I have to meet with some people tomorrow so." She lets him know.

"I still can't believe you're a model now. I'm happy that it helps you. You needed this because me telling you isn't enough apparently."

"It's just nice hearing from people who don't know me personally saying it. Trust me, it means a lot coming from you. It shows you care about me but still." She explains to him as her sister honks for her. "I would give you your shirt back but Sam is still wearing mine." She looks down at herself.

"It's fine. It's not the first one you've taken and never gave back. But this I want still." He takes his beanie back.

"I didn't want it in the first place." She shoves him as she leaves the room, "Bye Sam!"

Jumping in her sister's car, Harper has Taylor Swift blaring making Penelope laugh. "Sing it with me, baby sis!" Harper starts to drive.

This was the very first page Not where the story line ends My thoughts will echo your name, until I see you again These are the words I held back, as I was leaving too soon I was enchanted to meet you Please don't be in love with someone else Please don't have somebody waiting on you Please don't be in love with someone else Please don't have somebody waiting on you

This night is sparkling, don't you let it go I'm wonderstruck, blushing all the way home I'll spend forever wondering if you knew This night is flawless, don't you let it go I'm wonderstruck, dancing around all alone I'll spend forever wondering if you knew I was enchanted to meet you Please don't be in love with someone else Please don't have somebody waiting on you

[espinosaurusrexex]

𝐄𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠'𝐬 𝐁𝐞𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐢𝐧 𝐖𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐯𝐢𝐞𝐰

ten - the punchline

BuckyBarnes x Female!Reader

summary: Wanda and the rest of Westview need help. Y/N is willing to do whatever it takes - even if she’s hurting herself with that decision.

a/n: It had to happen at one point... we all knew it. Now, here it is. if you need a hug, please tell me - or just say how much you hate me for this - either is fine. Comments and reblogs are greatly appreciated 💕

!Divider is mine. Please give credit when using!

word count: 4.5k

chapter warnings: fluff, perfect boyfriend/husband Bucky, action, Agatha 😡, angst - oh god - so much angst

✶ 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | 𝒔𝒆𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒑𝒍𝒂𝒚𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | 𝒎𝒂𝒊𝒏 𝒎𝒂𝒔𝒕𝒆𝒓𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 ☾

(sorry the quality of the pic is so bad, but I couldn't find anything better once I finally decided on what I wanted)

“What are you doing?” Y/n laughed as Bucky lead her forward with his hands above her eyes.

“Just be patient and trust me. Don’t you trust me?” He smiled - she could hear it in this voice. 

The sound of gravel kicking up sounded beneath their feet and Y/N struggled to walk straight. “No, no I do.” Another giggle ripped through her.

“Careful now, there’s a small step.”

“Where are you taking me?”

“Just wait.”

“I can’t wait.”

“You’ll have to. It’ll ruin the surprise.”

“Fine.” She huffed impatiently, but the excitement in her body kept on bubbling to the surface. Earlier today, Bucky had gotten the Harley ready for that little adventure the pair had planned instead of going to the Westview Talent show. Surprisingly, it hadn’t taken a lot for the girls got to be convinced that Y/N was occupied that day. And not even Dottie came and asked if she could fill in at the Pastry buffet again. It seemed like the argument about Bucky’s surprise was enough to satisfy them.

Of course, back then, it had all been a lot less genuine. Sure, they had probably taken the ride still. But there would have not been any handholding or kissing. There would have been deep talks and reminiscing as it had always been up until that point so many weeks ago. But now? Now it was silent stares and meaningful touches, deep kisses and passionate sex. 

Bucky had an actual surprise it seemed. And Y/N was excited. She had enjoyed the ride out into the field on the back of his Harley, her hands tightly clinging onto Bucky’s torso, her chin comfortably resting on his shoulder as the warm winds brushed over her face. She didn’t mind the never-ending summer in Westview. It really was beautiful if one were to think away the issues it came with. But Y/n had decided that she needed to enjoy the last moments here as much as possible - try to live them as if nothing bothered her - like there was an actual chance for happiness for her. Bucky’s confession had seemed genuine enough a week ago. And it was so much easier to just endure the fantasy Y/N had imagined so many times already. 

“Are we there yet? How much longer?” Her hands were clinging to Bucky’s forearms in an attempt to keep steady, but the ground was very uneven. Y/N trusted Bucky though. He would not let her fall. 

“Sweetheart..,” Bucky slightly scolded, “just a few steps.”

Sweetheart. Another thing that made her heart go up in flames. Bucky had started calling her sweetheart after the meeting with Agatha and Vision. And even now, only a few days later, Y/N couldn’t possibly imagine a world in which that name wasn’t reserved for her from his lips. 

“Okay, okay,” she took a deep breath and sighed. 

After another moment, Bucky finally removed his hands. “Ready? Open your eyes,” his soft voice whispered into her ear and when she did, Y/N’s jaw dropped. Her hands came up to cover her face.

“Oh my god...” She slowly moved forward before kneeling down and carefully bringing her hands over the soft grass. There was a checkered picnic blanket spread under a tree, and a small basket with flowers and food carefully placed in the middle.

Y/n turned with a bright smile and watched as Bucky almost shyly shifted from one foot to the other. “Do you like it?” His head ducked and his hands disappeared behind his back. 

“It’s so beautiful, Buck.” She jumped up and kissed his nose with an excited giggle and Bucky’s cheeks were dusted with pink when she pulled him down onto the blanket.

Her hands rummaged through the basket and with every item she pulled from it, her heart made a little jump. “Oh wow, you really would be a great husband. Look at this!”

“I had a lot of practice lately...” His voice trailed off as her eyes met his. He seemed so small all of a sudden, a flustered expression decorating his face - like a schoolboy talking to his crush for the first day. But there was no need to be nervous. If anything, Bucky should have known by now how much Y/N adored him. 

“This is the most beautiful surprise anyone has ever made me.” She smiled genuinely but it only pulled a small smile from Bucky. So she scooted closer, her hands gently settling on his leg and arm. “Thank you so much. This means a lot.” A kiss settled the words she tried to say before Y/N pressed her forehead to Bucky's. 

His hand came up to cup her face. “It was meant to say a lot, I’m not that good with-” 

“I know. You don’t have to be.” And with that Bucky’s shoulders loosened a little. The confidence seemed to wash over him quickly, as he pulled her closer in a swift motion and captures her lips in another searing kiss. Bucky was amazing, and Y/n caught herself falling a little deeper with every glance she stole from his smile, or the small glimmer in his eyes when she reciprocated his. She felt safe and weightless yet again. Every time she was with Bucky, really. Luckily, he knew that by now. Even if she had not particularly told him yet, she was sure she knew. 

“Should we try out those snacks you prepared?” Y/N grinned up at him as she moved in his arms.

“We can...” But Bucky shifted and pulled her into his chest with her facing the same direction as him. “Or we could just stay like this a little longer.” He pressed a kiss to the crown of her head before his cheek smoothed against her. A sincere sigh eluded his lips as his hands rolled up and down her arms, letting the sun warm up their faces.

There wasn’t a lot of eating done after all. As the couple just enjoyed each other’s company during the perfect summery noon. An hour later, they still lay on the blanket - arm in arm - pointing up at clouds and various animals they claimed to have spotted in them. Bucky listened the whole time, and Y/N loved the little peace and quiet out in the field. His heart was steadily beating behind her and every single one reminded her of how tangible this all was. And she appreciated it just that much more for it.

Unfortunately, soon the sky started closing in with dark clouds. And even though Y/N could have spent another day out in the grass in Bucky’s arms and mindlessly making up stories and images in the sky, the picking up of the wind ultimately forced them to leave.

It had gotten a little cooler once the couple packed up and headed to Bucky’s Harley. And when they pulled into the by-now-familiar driveway, a piece of realty settled in Y/N’s mind again. Just like the beautiful day - this moment - this story had to come to an end. And it would be soon. At least that’s what Vision, Agatha, Bucky, and her had agreed upon the other day. 

Y/n didn’t let it faze her though. She stood in the kitchen and watched the storm building from the window as the kettle whistled in the background. She loved summer storms. Something about the smell of wet soil and the phenomenon of humid air surrounding her made her feel good. I reminded her of the times in the compound when the whole team was having board game days because there was no going outside anyway. It reminded her of warm tea and deep conversations on window sills. It reminded her of annoyed faces because of the time they had been spending together and it made her heart feel squeezed. 

Y/N filled up her mug. Something was different though. The sky wasn’t its usual grayish blue and there was no smell of rainy ground. It was just a little unsettling if she were honest. She shrugged it off for now. It would pass, just like every bad thought had the past week, and that was Bucky to thank for. He had done a great deal in distracting her from Wanda and everything else upsetting. And Y/N would never complain. She’d take a kiss over every mental breakdown, really.

When she walked into the living room to hand Bucky his tea, she watched as Alpine shot out her paw at the super soldier, a mean hiss following the action before the white cat sprung from the couch and watched him rather suspiciously. 

“What was that all about?” The couch dipped with Y/N’s weight on it now, her body almost immediately finding its place against Bucky’s.

“I don’t know. She’s feisty ever since we got back. Did we forget to feed her?” Bucky’s arm closed in around her shoulders, the other holding the steaming hot mug.

“No, I gave her breakfast, treats, and snuggles just before we left.” She leaned down. “Al, do you wanna cuddle?”

But Alpine’s eyes just turned away. She didn’t leave, though, just sat there and almost sadly watched as the pair cuddled on the sofa. “Alright then, have it your way.”

It wasn’t long before the wind started picking up outside and branches started hitting the windows, making all kinds of sounds echo through the big house. Neither Y/N nor Bucky mentioned them though. They continued their conversation and enjoyed each other’s company. It was a nice way of ending the day, early - Y/N thought as her head rested on Bucky’s chest, his hand caressing her thigh and occasional kisses littering her head. 

But then, almost calling through all the background noise, another sound was added to the stage. A high, almost human-like calling, and for a second, Y/N wondered if she was just imagining it all. 

“What was that?” She asked and Bucky’s questioning face shot to the door when another wail was heard from outside. 

Then Another. And another. It was pretty clear now that she wasn’t just hearing voices in her head. Bucky was alert again, his shoulders tensed and Y/n could practically feel the agent return to his body next to her. 

A loud bang ripped through the house, a window had been shattered by a fallen tree and now the sounds were clearer than ever. These were definitely screams - cries for help. Children’s cries. A chill ran down Y/N’s spine.

The pair sprinted to the door but there was no chance either of them could have been prepared for what was beyond it. There was Agatha, floating over the street with Billy and Tommy on leashes around their necks. 

Y/N must have been dreaming. This couldn’t possibly be real. But the look on Bucky’s face told her that this was very much reality. How could this have escalated so quickly? Just hours ago the world seemed fine. Agatha seemed fine. Why was she portraying the neighborhood maniac all of a sudden?

A searching eye wandered down the street but Wanda was nowhere to be found. What the hell was going on?

“Agatha, what are you doing?!” Bucky’s voice boomed over the whipping winds, his hand protectively holding onto Y/N’s wrist as if she were to fly away. All the while Agatha actually was flying. But that wasn’t even the weirdest part. Her outfit made her look like one of those scary Dementors from Harry Potter and her fingers were pitch black as if they dipped in tar. Billy and Tommy struggled to ring for air as their feet barely touched the ground, and Y/n felt her heart beating up in anger.

“I’m getting things moving,” Agatha answered unfazed, her hand seemingly tightening the strings around the kid’s necks.

“So you kidnapped Wanda’s children?!” It was questionable how a sane person could come to such a ridiculous conclusion. But then again, Y/N was pretty sure that she had established Agatha’s insanity by now.

“Well, I had to do something. Nobody else was.”

Bucky’s hands flailed in the air in frustration. “Not like that!” 

Agatha just laughed and pulled on the strings a little more. The boys looked like puppets - unable to move without permission - and the fear in Y/N’s body rose infinitely. Bucky shared a look with her and once she looked past the slight panic in his gaze, her head nodded firmly. 

“What’s the plan?”

“You will look for Vision. I will try to talk to Agatha.”

“What are you going to do? She’s lost it.”

“Those are my nephews,” Bucky winked as a small smile broke on his face, “I’m gonna do whatever it takes.” And then the pair parted ways to try and save the situation. 

Y/n couldn’t help the small chuckle to escape her lips as she made her way to Wanda’s home, but there wasn’t a lot of laughing left when she saw the redhead approaching the scene behind the Black Widow furiously. It was too late, Y/N knew it, there was no chance she could keep Wanda from calming down now. But she tried anyway. The least she should do was buy Bucky a little time to handle the situation. 

With a bright smile plastered on her face, Y/N fully channeled the Westview role she was destined to play from the start. She opened her arms and approached Wanda on the street.“Wanda! Hey! Oh my god, I need to show you something!”

But the woman was struggling to act interested as her eyes kept swerving to the scene behind Y/N. “Not now, Y/N.”

“No, come on, it's important just give me a little-“ Her hand reached out to Wanda’s shoulder but the woman smacked it away with a solid expression.

“I said no! What is going on there?!” She tried to step around Y/N but the Black Widow mirrored her movements to be in front of her again.

“Nothing, nothing. You know kids, they love to play the craziest games right?” A nervous laugh settled in the pause, but Wanda wasn’t having it. She zeroed in on Agatha and started walking towards her again. “No, Wanda, please- Wanda!” The last thing they needed was a massacre. This had to be settled differently. So, Y/N sprinted behind in an attempt to reach the scene before her. 

She caught up to her after a couple seconds and planted herself between the two witches again. The short glance at Bucky had told her that the situation hadn’t really moved along to his liking yet. But it was no use. Wanda was determined to get to Billy and Tommy - which was understandable, but at the same time not the best idea right now.

Y/N tried again, her hands now raising in the air. “Just... wait a second okay. We can settle this without anyone getting hurt.” But Wanda’s hands were already glowing red. “I can help you. I will help you, okay. Just please calm down.” Y/N’s heart was pounding faster and faster - adrenalin and fear mixing in a dangerous combination but Y/N tried her best to stay grounded.

Wanda just looked past her at Agatha. She barely acknowledged her friend who was desperately babbling to keep her from using magic - in vain. Her hands were charged with energy. Y/N could practically feel it radiating off of her and it was scary. There was no way of knowing what she was to do now. 

“Let my children go.” A thick Sokovian accent coated Wanda’s words. It was weirdly unusual after hearing her speak without it for so long, but it also reminded Y/N that there might still be an ounce of the old and reasonable Wanda left within. One that could actually negotiate a humane way to settle this situation.

Agatha just laughed and Wanda’s eyes flared up red. Oh shit.

“This is not the right way to go about this.” Y/N turned around with urgency in her tone. “This wasn’t the plan, Agatha!” She hissed but immediately regretted it. She might have just made it worse with this sentence as she felt the energy behind her become stronger and stronger.

“Plan? Are you working with her? Against me?!” Not good. Really, really bad. Bucky caught Y/N’s eyes - wide and scared. He didn’t move though, his hands were still on Billy’s shoulder, pushing him up to keep the string from cutting into his skin.

Y/N turned around again. But not even she would be shield-enough to keep Wanda from using her powers. “Wanda you don’t understand! This is all wrong. You need to stop before more people get hurt.”

“No!” She was wrong. There was no more reason left in the witch. Wanda thought this was real. She couldn’t distinguish her creation from reality anymore. It had become dangerous.

“You need to, please. You are hurting, I know. But this is wrong.” Y/N took a deep breath and willed down the stinging in her chest. Her eyes were burning, too. “You cannot bring Vision Back. You cannot bring Natasha back or anyone else. They are dead okay?! Dead! And not even you can change that.” The red energy flickered for a moment and Y/n thought to have caught a tear on Wanda’s cheek, but she shook out of it quickly, still bracing for the pending fight.

“Don’t do this Y/N. You wanted this. You wanted it, too.” It was the first time Wanda really looked into her eyes today and Y/N felt more anxiety than before. What did she mean by that? Wanda couldn’t possibly- “The hydrangeas, the husband, the grey company car. Don’t take this away from yourself. You don’t know what you’re doing!”

And bam. The world got quiet. Not a good quiet though. An unsettling one. The storm was silenced by the hammering of her heart. It was pounding in her ears, making her dizzy and nauseous. Everything was hazy and at the same time, a lot of things became clearer now. Wanda had known all along. Fuck. She could probably read the minds of everyone in this cursed town. She had known and she had used it against her friends. It wasn’t a coincidence - everything that lined up with Y/N’s dream was planned to a t. Calculated, viciously abusing everyone's naïveté. 

And when it dawned on Y/N why she had been feeling so uneasy all the time, her heart sank with sadness and anger. Suddenly, she knew why it was all so familiar and why the house brought her so much comfort despite the little fears she had. It was Bucky. The whole damn thing reminded her of Bucky, Hell even the flowers in the garden were the color of his eyes - everything was. Wanda had modeled Y/N’s whole experience around the one good thing she had brought into Westview. How little did she trust her friend to actually be happy - to be able to feel free? She had invaded her privacy - her deepest desires which she had promised to never do. Wanda had promised all of them to never read their thoughts. To never act on it. To never manipulate her friends. But here she was. Shamelessly invading their privacy and making Y/N feel so unbelievably vulnerable. 

“No,” she whispered aimlessly. “You don’t know what you are doing. Look at the people - they are miserable! Let it go. Let them go.” Y/N’s voice was calmer than she expected it to be, but there was no will to fight this anymore.

“I can’t.”

“Then I cannot help you humanely settle this.”

Y/n lowered her hands and her shoulders sagged in defeat. Sickening hatred licked up her throat as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat at the realization. There was no use in saving this - whatever it was. Wanda needed a reality check, and she needed it now. This dream - this twisted sick version of it anyway - had turned into a mission at that moment. And Y/N felt as though she was the last person to realize it. No wonder Bucky had always been on edge - always protecting.

So, when Wanda moved toward Agatha again, she just let her. Watched even, as the magic in her hands grew angry and red again. She looked up at Agatha again, determination in her eyes as she said words that even hurt herself. “Agatha, take the kids.”

“What are you doing?!” Bucky’s voice picked up, and his hands were still grabbing at the boys with shocked expressions. 

He even moved to step in front of Wanda again, but Y/n stopped him. “No, let them. She needs this. We all do.” The words were bitter on her tongue.

“But Agatha is going off the rails!” There was chaos in his eyes - she’d never seen it before. Bucky was scared... and helpless. And if Y/N had had enough energy to care, she would have probably felt the same. But she knew that this was inevitable. The boys had grown onto both of them and Y/N could see how much Bucky cared for them. But even he had to realize that there was no other way. And there was only giving in the trust that Agatha wouldn’t hurt them. Because despite her obvious madness, she wouldn’t - Y/N had a feeling.

“She’s doing what should have been done so long ago. She’s doing what’s necessary to end this madness.” Y/N nodded sternly, finally making Bucky let go.

“You realize that we have no control at this point. That we have no way of calculating what’s going to happen from now on. This is just the beginning.” His shoulders sagged, expression defeated and disappointed all at once.  

And Y/N just looked at the ground. “I know.”

Well, Bucky had been right about one thing: this hadjust been the beginning. Because right now, there seemed to be no end to the madness. Within an hour, the whole atmosphere had shifted in all of Westview. Y/N was standing in the town square and watched as people fell into panic. The storm - now stronger than before - had turned into a wild concoction of purple and red. For all Y/N knew, Wanda and Agatha were somewhere above them, fighting in the stormy clouds and making the world on the ground break out in chaos. The people of Westview were acting weird. They were snapping out of personality as if they were switching roles. 

Screaming, crying, running. It was complete Mayhem. 

Vision had finally joined the two avengers just when the mass seemed to have spiraled out of control. He had informed them that S.W.O.R.D. agents were waiting beyond the hex, ready to take the people away from the city before anything else happened. The static walls had started to crumble but the adrenalin pumping through Y/N’s veins prevented her from noticing the feelings it brought. 

Every time the walls opened a little, and cars were able to get in, Y/n, Vision, and Bucky ushered more people to safety. Trying to navigate the madness, however, was difficult with all the noise and instructions being thrown through the air. And the fragile portals out of Westview didn’t help the situation, either. Every time a wall opened up, another leak closed. People were being chased around as if it were a stupid video game. 

Everything was so surreal. And in her trance of ushering people out, Y/N began to think about Agatha again. Had she always been bad? Was she bad at all? There were so many questions. 

Another thunder ripped through the sky and Y/N flinched and tumbled backwards until familiar hands caught her. Bucky. 

He turned her around and let his eyes wander over her face and body. “Are you okay?”

“Ye- yes,” Y/N stuttered at the sudden wash of breath air in his presence. He nodded firmly and guided a woman in the direction of another car. Y/N just stood there for a moment and let the chaos pass by her. She was so concentrated on Bucky, the way his arms moved, and the warmth that slowly spread through her chest at the sight of him.

“Did you know Agatha was... like this?” She suddenly blurted out and when Bucky looked at her over the short distance she busied herself with pointing people in the direction out again.

“I had my suspicions after following her that first night here.”

“What did she do?”

“Just snooped around. But it was weird.”

Y/N nodded in understanding. She had always wondered what Bucky had seen that night. Now she knew, and it was a lot less exciting than she had expected. Then again, the time spent in Westview probably dulled her in reacting to weird things. There were only a few situations that surprised her anymore. 

Another loud bang echoed above them and more people streamed toward them. The few Avengers kept as many people from getting injured as possible, but in the hustle, Bucky and Y/N got separated again, each of them seemingly focused on the job and ignoring everything else. The sky began to light up and the red static walls created gaps that became bigger and bigger - bigger than before.

And all of a sudden, Y/N had the feeling of having forgotten something. She was missing something and she couldn’t figure out what it was. It felt as though she were to remember something. A word, a name - something lingering on the tip of her tongue but not quite ready to form yet. 

Triggering - that’s what it should be, but there was so much going on around her, Y/N barely registered any of it. The noises of screaming people were rushing in her ears and mixing in one echo that bounced around her completely empty head. Get the kids out, get the people out, keep everyone safe, don’t lose track of time. It was a mantra mumbled over the bouncing echo and the only thing tying her to reality. Because about everything else that was happening right now seemed far from it - reality that was. The static walls crumbling above her left an unimaginable shrieking sound - or was that the crying child to her left? Y/N couldn’t tell. She just ushered more people away from the town square and towards the cars taking them out.

And then, for a split second - as she was searching the crowd for more civilians in need - Y/N locked eyes with Bucky again. And it zapped through her like lightning. She remembered. It wasn’t her brain that was missing something. It was her heart that suddenly felt as if it were ripped out and trampled on by the hordes of people storming past her. It was missing the skip - the slight pick up in pace, the faint breathlessness, the explosion going off - there was nothing of those sorts. It wasn’t fully empty, no. It just wasn’t as excited as it always had been when she saw him. 

Confusion checked her brain and made it hard to register what she was experiencing. And while she struggled to grab a clear thought in the turmoil of interior and exterior chaos, only one thing shone brightly and loudly before her inner eye.

Wanda had lied to her again. It had all been another lie.

𝒏𝒆𝒙𝒕 𝒄𝒉𝒂𝒑𝒕𝒆𝒓

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[fourseasonsfigs]

Cold Male God

Since we're on a roll with figures inspired by Gong Jun's November 2022 Cosmopolitan Magazine photo shoot, let's keep going!

You've already seen Little Farmer Jun, as inspired by this:

As well as Harvest Tomatoes, inspired by this:

So today's fig is inspired by this shot:

I love sitting figs! There's something about the already small size of figs being even smaller and cuter when they're sitting down. Before we get started, here's one more shot from the magazine of this look:

No idea what the print on the sweater he's wearing there is.

The name of the fig, 高冷男神, gāo lěng nán shén, cold elegant male god, is a phrase Gong Jun has used many times to refer to himself before. He has it on his Weibo (fresh screenshot as of today, you can tell by his last post at the Jay Chou concert!):

He's also called himself this in situations where he is definitely not at his most glamorous! He posted the phrase with a (now deleted) Instagram post of himself as a smoky and dirty Huo Yan in The Flaming Heart:

He also shouted "Call me a cold elegant male god," after his Happy Camp episode where he had to dress up as Nezha:

The fig maker wasn't nearly as tongue-in-cheek with this fig, and instead took a much more literal approach! I'd say that out of the entire photo shoot, this indeed is probably the most aloof and elegant looking out of them all.

My guess (which is always extremely dicey given my lack of cultural or linguistic knowledge) is that the phrase 高冷男神 isn't that uncommon to use to refer to very handsome men in high fashion. Zhehan's been referred to that way (in his Sensodyne ad), and a quick search shows that it's been used to refer to other good looking men before. May be just an archetype for a certain type of look.

As you can tell! Hahaha, figures this little guy would be completely swaddled up in plastic to protect him. He arrived flawlessly, as only us mere mortals could ever hope to do.

The first thing about this fig that I noticed is of course his magnificent tousled sweep of hair. I love it, it is outstanding. In my opinion, Gong Jun looks best with his hair off his face and with plenty of volume, and the figs do too.

I have no earthly idea what the little creature is in his eyes. It looks like a video game creature almost? I experimented cropping out just that part of his eye and ran a reverse image search, but came up with nothing. Smarter minds than mine, no doubt.

We have his silver Tiffany bracelets here, and his hand artfully curled up by his face.

This fig is resin, but is a lighter type. Some resin figs I have are like bricks, they are so heavy. This fig is surprisingly light - I forget sometimes and think it's PVC.

Wow, look at his hair. Amazing! It's very tousled. I like it a lot.

Despite the narrow body silhouette of this fig, the fig sits up just fine. I don't worry he's going to tip over backwards or forwards. If there was an earthquake or something, though, I'd be concerned that he'd fall over (and maybe break some of those glorious hair tendrils), so he'll go on a fig stand.

I actually didn't realize in the photo shoot pics that he was wearing a hoodie. I thought it was actually a black hat hanging behind him in the shot where he's sitting on crates. But no, apparently it's just the hood that's been artfully propped up behind his head.

I can't quite make out what the pattern of the sweater is on his arm, but the fig maker worked hard to replicate it!

You can see he's very gently propped up there on his boots. Very much in line with the inspiration pic, but also the reason he's going on a fig stand.

This fig is so small and cute! I really do think this is the most impressive and dramatic modern hair style I've seen yet on a Gong Jun fig.

The fig maker even replicated the red branding dots on the soles of his boots!

He's so squinched up from this angle! Looking very small and adorable.

His hair is still impressive from the top down with that big swoopy piece there.

In order to give you an idea of the relative size of this fig, here he his compared to his other incarnations in this series.

Material: Resin

Fig Count: 420

Scene Count: 29

Rating: Cold and elegant model, warm and happy puppy!

[link back to Master Fig Index for more posts]

[beesnutz]

Puzzle log #2

Hello everyone, 3 months later I realized I haven't been writing these and since I haven't been puzzling much as of late I'll just try to catch up to today by talking about the few puzzles I ended up doing in the meantime (most of them done in march/april). Lets get.. Starteeedd!!!

I did end up finishing the mask puzzle! And I think it's still one of my favourites I've done to date.. it was very difficult but suuper satisfying to see the finished thing. heres a picture:

After it, I decided I needed something easier to wind down, So I did this Mark&Spencer 500 piece puzzle "retro toys", and i LOVED IT!!!

the image is unbearably cute + perfect for a puzzle. there was not a moment doing it where I was not having fun. I even did it twice lol.. I'm aware of there being a 1000piece variant, but I don't think I'm at the point of acquiring doubles lolol

I did end up ordering the chesire cat puzzle I mentioned last time - and It was fun! The background was surprisingly difficult, I think it took me 5ish hours to do in one sitting.. Somewhere along the way I went to a thrift store and got myself a couple more puzzles, one of which was a personalized 250ish piece puzzle of your home location.. I apologize to the familiy I just doxxed ^_^

Last but not least, For half of may i spent my time puzzling this 1500 astrology type puzzle I'm too lazy to find the actual name of...

(the two pieces at the top are there, i just ended up kicking it and didn't notice when i took the pic - the piece on the bottom wasn't there when I ordered the puzzle) To be honest this one was a bit of a dissapointment... the image is very pretty, but in reality the print was much darker than I thought it was going to be, so parts like the bottom right + all the shadow bits were a nightmare to piece together if not in direct sunlight, Which is why it took me basically half a month to finish the entire thing... That said, once I got into the groove it was a fun time :-)

for about another half of a month I've been trying to finish this puzzle of Van Gogh's "skeleton with a cigarette" But iii... pretty much Gave up on it >_< I knew it was going to be hard cause its basically 50% black background and then various paintbrush strokes of beige, but on top of that the puzzle cut is just really bad, A lot of pieces go together where they shouldn't, It's disappointing to say the least... No worries though. I have a couple more puzzles I still haven't done - one is a puzzle crossword, and the other is of a train that I thrifted.. Well those are all my thoughts. Bye

[grimmwolfcrafts]

So today was kinda productive... I'm slowly chipping away at my to do list.

I spent some time making prototypes of the pop out cylinder and trigger+hammer mechanisms.

I thought I took a pic of one of them but I guess I forgot? Oh well, they weren't anything special to look at anyways.

So I made the trigger and hammer, they are still in need of some trimming. While I was whittling the hammer, the wood split and I cut my thumb and index fingers. Wasn't too bad, the blade needed to be changed so it wasn't as deep a cut as it could have been.

Next I had to do something terrible...

Yeah I had to cut it in half for multiple reasons. The holes for the barrels needed to be drilled and I don't have an adapter for my drill to do 90° drilling or something.

I cut the two holes. They look good ish, I just need to be more delicate and shape them better later.

I wanted to put the cylinder pin on, so I lined it up with markers and glued it down. It was surprisingly perfect and it spins really good

I wanted to do more today but I forgot to charge my drill so it crapped out.

So, I have no idea how that last post got so many likes. All I can say is thank you for even looking at my stuff, let alone actually liking it! I wish I could send you a thank you message, but I don't think I'm mentally prepared for that yet. So I'll just say thank you again for reading, I hope you have wonderful dreams tonight.

Be safe and goodnight.

[rkhemlani]

June 20th - Osaka Day Trip (Last Day)

Wow, this is the last blog post and I am definitely in my feels writing this. This past month has been real and it’s definitely going to be hard to say bye to both Japan and the people on this trip. I really hope that we meet up in the fall and do something fun, maybe during sylly week or for Chelsea’s sign-night. This group is definitely a little weird, but I love it. However, I do miss home and all the things that come with that including hooping, going to the beach, playing poker, and spending time with friends and family. Whether it was going to see a kabuki play or sipping a much-needed drink on the top of a gorgeous rooftop bar with beautiful views of the city, this trip has been nothing short of amazing and I am definitely glad that I was able to visit this interesting country with such interesting people. I do hope that my peers feel the same way. I’m going to miss playing Uno and gaslighting people to buy me ice cream the most. Ok, now that the sentimental part is over, time for the actual blog post. Today, I woke up extra early and went to Starbucks (where I didn’t see girl Sam surprisingly) and got a strawberry donut and did some work. I came back and got ready for the day. Today’s lecture really just consisted of our favorite parts of the trip and what we thought the professor could’ve done to improve it. We commenced our Osaka day trip with an hour-long train ride, which we were able to pass the time through a shared music experience through Spotify. Imagine having Apple Music, I feel sorry for you. We got to Osaka, where we immediately split for lunch and our group got cut off from the small group of five that had the best curry on the trip unfortunately. Our katsu was ok. We met with the class again and headed to Osaka castle. We took pics here and it was hot so I kept kidding around by pretending that I was at a prom after-party by unbuttoning all my buttons on my white shirt. You had to be there. Vishnu likes taking strange pics of me when I randomly lick my lips and had my shirt unbuttoned. I also taught the group how to properly griddy here (that’s a dance move mom). I felt cool in the moment because I hit it well and then flipped my fan out at the same time. Afterwards, we hopped on the train again and went to a neighborhood that was supposed to mimic American culture, but other than the McDonald’s, there wasn’t anything distinctly American. Then we kept walking where we eventually split for the last time as a group in the heart of Osaka. I had a strawberry ice cream, thanks to Vishnu. We then did some thrift shopping, but at first I couldn’t find anything. Xander and I also took a break and we got smoothies; I got an acai flavored one that was extremely refreshing. Everyone was buying goods, and my wallet was itching to spend money, because I love shopping but wasn’t finding anything. Eventually, at the last store we went to, I found a lovely Dior sweater that I believe was reasonably priced for what it was. After that, I led the group of Xander, Sebastian, Nico, Aulora, Casey, Chelsea, and Eliza to team-labs Osaka. Vishnu met up with us because he had gone to the Osaka aquarium. It was cool and relaxing to walk through the garden that was decorated with changing lights and interesting designs. Some of us (Xander, Vishnu, Aulora, Chelsea, Casey, and I) headed to a local restaurant, where most of us got pork yakisoba. After that it took us a while to get back to the hotel because there were delays on the train due to a derailment. I showered and got ready to go to bed, but Nico and I went to Family Mart first to get some sweets and have a good chit-chat. We love chit-chatting and talking chisme (gossip). 

Academic Reflection

By the end of this course, it is evident that all of us students have learned so much, even if we haven’t always done the dense readings. We learned about the youth sub-culture of Japan with anime and manga, while also learning about the traditional aspects such as tea ceremonies, history of cities, and Buddhism. I found it incredibly interesting that on one street, one can find beautiful traditional temples with ornate gardens and then several blocks over, the entire street would be adorned with lights, colors, advertisements, and anime characters. 

The previous reading was concerned with the urban organization/planning of Osaka and Kobe (shoutout Vishnu). As Professor Smith explained, Osaka was previously a major merchant city that heavily relied on movement and trading of goods, which fostered a more casual environment and societal structure. In class, we discussed how buildings are constantly being destroyed and taller, more modern buildings are constructed, leading to a constantly new skyline. It also contributes to a decrease in traditional buildings. This method contrasts that of Europe, in which many cities will purposefully place regulations to keep the traditional scenery of the city. Cities in Japan definitely display a greater mix of modern buildings with traditional buildings compared to cities in Europe that typically have separate zones for traditional building areas and modern building areas. 

[lunapwrites]

Month-end wrap up, if Tarot

Well. Here we are. We've made it through May.

I did not, as I had hoped, wind up updating LTL this month... But I'm getting there. There's been a lot going on, good and bad. June will hopefully be better.

With that said, I'm doing a little check in with my cards, just to see if I was moving in the right direction this month.

(as tumblr's photos still aren't working on mobile, no pics. But just assume they're pretty.)

So, I've probably mentioned before that when I'm shuffling, I will include cards that fall out in the reading as sort of context or additional flavor - especially if I'm using Archaeon, because that one likes to yell at me (affectionate.) Today, it threw two simultaneously: four of pentacles and the Hierophant. And because they were thrown literally stuck together, I took that to mean they were meant to be read/interpreted together.

It's a very straightforward one tbh. My concerns this past month have dealt with a community, and my unwillingness to let it go when I needed to. Very called out lol.

The main reading was basically all swords (mostly court) and major arcana, so this is all in bold flashing neon lights apparently lol.

Three of Swords: heartbreak and emotional release. Honestly also straightforward... Was not doing well. Had to break the bone to set it correctly, etc. Seeing this in the past position is very much a "yes, that hurt. Now what are you going to do with it?"

Queen of Swords: boundaries and communication. Apparently what we're doing right now is self care. We are communicating our needs and setting healthy boundaries. This is a positive.

King of Swords: mental clarity and authority. What this is telling me is that my read that things had gotten a little too heavy to carry was correct, and this mental/emotional maintenance period I'm in now is going to set me up for success moving forward.

The Devil: temptation and attachments. This card is effectively my reflection, reminding me that I'm going to want to slip back into old habits again - but that way lies burnout, so we're not going to do that.

The Hermit: soul-searching and reevaluation of goals. This is a time for thinking about what you want, and how you want to achieve it. What's best going to serve you?

And all of this is supported by today's rune: Thurisaz, reversed. The danger is behind us; not gone but so long as you stay vigilant, not an immediate threat either. Also, gentle reminder that you were being a stubborn twat and not taking advice you should have way earlier.

All in all, this was a surprisingly gentle reading from this deck. Blunt, yes. But it had the vibes of a worried friend checking in after an Incident. "I'm glad you decided to slow down. Now I'm here to make sure you actually rest. Because I know you and you won't." To shreds, you say?

Anyway. Here's hoping, folks. ❤️❤️

[jodilin65]

WEDNESDAY, JULY 31, 2013 Wow, still no Photobucket views, though I’m still getting weird stuff on MD. I think it’s more likely from some random joker than someone I was once friends with.

Since getting up at 9:30, the activity around here so far has been very city-like, though not noisy in the traditional sense of the word. There’s been a work truck of some kind parked in front of the house that’s in front of next door in the mornings doing who knows what. I can’t tell if they’re working on the house or in the common area next to it where a gulley runs through.

Also, next door just left, returned a few minutes later, and then left again.

Still with the mysterious swelling in the feet, but I’m otherwise ok. Just a little tired. Got so much more to do here but I like keeping busy. Now it’s time to eat, work out, shower and clean the kitchen.

TUESDAY, JULY 30, 2013 Did a little test and tweeted my new house photo album link that I created on Photobucket to see if it would get any views. No views yet. This makes me think Kim and Molly might not know about my Twitter profile. I’ll give it a little more time then mention it on Ask only for starters and see how many views, if any, the album gets. I’m surprised Kim doesn’t know about my Twitter page, though. I can’t believe she doesn’t follow all my sites daily.

Someone on MD has been sending me wacky stuff. The kind of stuff Andy and I would write when we were into writing crazy notes and letters. It doesn’t seem quite right for Yung Toro, Kim or anyone else I can think of, though the things they say suggest they’ve read my diary extensively.

Lotta landscaping sounds today and some car doors, but it’s winding down now. I giggle to myself now when I look at those flower trees I love so much, remembering how I joked with Nane about asking our local nursery for one Schmetterlingsbaum and one Sommerflieger, LOL.

Now that we’re getting more and more settled into our new home and the OT is backing off for Tom, I can get back on with my health stuff. I have an appointment on the 8th to see the dentist. Guess I’ll have to see a doctor about my weight too, though I really hoped it wouldn’t come to that. Tom doesn’t think there’s anything major going on with me but wonders if my swollen feet could be heart-related. I think they’re just fat, but what I wonder about more is my joints. They’re not as stiff as they were, but they still seem a bit stiff even for a middle-aged fatty. I thought it was connected to my weight, but it’s not like I’m severely obese. Besides, I’ve seen people bigger than me have more flexibility than I’ve had lately.

Seems I got the location of the back entrance wrong. I thought it was the section that’s visible from one side of the house, but it’s actually around the corner from there. That would explain why there’s no gate there. Guess the back gate is always shut too, day and night.

MONDAY, JULY 29, 2013 Went to Big Lots yesterday and found a surprisingly lame selection of desks there as well as at Fry’s. So we ended up at Office Depot where I had to decide between a $220 desk and a $150 desk. I decided on the latter. My choices were espresso, cherry wood and maple, and I went with the maple. I’m not a fan of dark colors, especially black where every spec of dust shows up on it so easily. It’s huge compared to the old one, but there was simply no room for it in the trailer.

Tom couldn’t figure out how to attach the door that goes on one side, but then the answer came to him in his sleep. Even so, it’s fine as a shelf. It’s such a complex design that it took him (plus whatever help he dared ask of me) about 4 hours to assemble it. The only thing I’m not thrilled with is the keyboard tray. I didn’t think to look at this in the store, but it’s not very wide. I don’t have much room at all to put the mouse by the keyboard, so it’s up above it. It’s going to take some getting used to having to reach up for it. Shared pics with Tammy, Andy and Nane.

I also got a cute tape dispenser set inside a high-heeled snakeskin shoe, a little pink ring watch, some fruity body mist, a jewelry holder in the form of a woman’s body wearing a glued-on blue glittery dress (the jewelry holder is where her head would be), and a cute pair of shoes.

The pink and purple slip-on shoes with their rubber soles were just $5 and great for when I don’t want to wear sneakers, sandals, boots or heels. Maybe I’ll wear them to my dentist appointment on the 8th. Yeah, I’m finally getting back to my health issues, then I’ll go for a regular physical for the first time in a million years to make sure I don’t have thyroid problems, diabetes or heart problems. Not sure I’d want to know it if I did, but I know that ignoring anything that could be serious isn’t smart either. I still think I’m healthy, though, and that all lab work would come back fine.

Worked out and cleaned until my feet were sore. Despite the increase in activity but no increase in calorie intake, I haven’t lost weight. I started to lose a few pounds but they came right back. Then last night I saw a fascinating documentary on the Atkin’s Diet. I’ve long since heard of this diet and like the idea of counting carbs and not calories (though one still needs to be sensible where calories are concerned). I just never did the diet because it seemed too complicated, like most diets that deal with numbers and counting. I remembered Teresa, an inmate in jail, who said it was the best diet ever and all that. She said she didn’t it at first, but the main idea is to eat more protein and fewer carbs. Instead of bread, pasta, potatoes, rice and sugar, you focus mostly on meat, eggs, dairy, fruits and veggies. Some fruits and veggies aren’t allowed, though, if they contain too much sugar. I can’t bring myself to starve or purge, so maybe I should focus more on this concept and see what happens.

Had a great chat with Tammy and Mark yesterday, but poor Tammy sounded awful. They expressed a desire to get together and again I wondered if it was simply because it’s been so many years, or could there be something more to it? Like the possibility of Tammy not being around much longer. What’s scary isn’t just how horrible she sounds, but how much she sounds like mom, too. Anyway, I don’t know that Tammy would bring it up if she thought her years were numbered. She may not only find that hard to admit to her own self let alone someone else, but she may feel it would scare me and not want to put that on me. Would it literally scare me, though? Well, yes and no, I suppose. I might not necessarily fear I was next, but I did always wonder if God would kill my one and only safety net for if He decided to beat us over the head with money again. After all, if God wanted to financially torture us again, He’s not going to do so with people around I could run to for help. She’s the only one I know who would send help and, worst-case scenario, send us tickets to get holed up in her place till we could make it on our own again. Everyone else I know couldn’t afford that, wouldn’t give a shit enough about us to take us in, or both.

If I had to guess, I’d say Tammy still has many more years left in her. I don’t think she’ll get old, but I don’t think she’s got just a few years either. I hope not for her sake! And for Mark and the girls.

Better not put some of these concerns for Tammy in public.

When I got up this morning I heard hammering next door and thought, oh no. My worst fear has become a reality. The guy’s gone and turned that damn garage into a workshop. But I caught a quick glimpse of him hammering something in back. Fortunately, it didn’t last long either. Things are usually pretty quiet around here. The only annoyances (they’re mild) are car doors and landscaping sounds.

I took pics of the new desk (Andy and I got new desks the same day) but forgot to shoot the new drapes. Maybe later. And maybe I’ll update my Photobucket albums, too.

What false advertising it is for them to say these drapes block light and sound! They may muffle sound a bit, but to say they block light is total bullshit. If it weren’t for the blackout shade behind them I’d be pissed.

Realized I could intensify the pressure of the shower massager quite a bit once I adjusted a lever that was on its side. I use that for rinsing my hair. Otherwise, I like it gentle.

Been getting stuff done around here little by little. Today we got the toilet paper and paper towel holders up that we got for our Maricopa house, the outside lockbox, a hook for the potholders, and our robe hooks.

Although it costs $400 and couldn’t get behind furniture, I’m tempted to get one of those robotic vacuum cleaners. It just seems like a neat idea.

Wonder how the leaker house is coming along? I haven’t walked by it lately. I realized I was wrong in saying they were asking 12K for it before it was bought and remodeled. They were actually asking 15K.

“Nobody can stop me,” I got on Ask. Let me guess – that was Molly sneaking online, right? And the one asking if I knew who Mike O’Malley was came from Kim, I’m sure. I was followed by a Mike O’Malley on Facebook, and not being a celebrity worshiper, I thought he was just any old guy. Curiously, I checked him out and saw he was a celebrity. Well, what celeb would suddenly follow me? Only the celebrity-obsessed person running the fan site who’s been stalking me for 13 months would do so, so I blocked them (Kim). There’s nothing to follow right now anyway since I keep most things between friends only. She’s probably the same one to ask if I’d ever get a third rat. That’s not only something she would ask, but something she has asked before, and Kim is notorious for asking the same damn questions over and over.

Again I’m contemplating dumping my known Ask account altogether. Or maybe only allowing for anonymous questions during non-troll hours. Their trolling hours usually seem to run from around noon my time into the evening. I just don’t get why any human being in the world would care to bother with someone who dumped them and wants nothing at all to do with them. Is it just fun for them? Funny in some way? Or are we really friends in their sick minds?

Had some weird dreams last night. In one dream Tom and I were living in Europe, though I don’t know which country. In another, I was renting a room in a large building by myself which I’d come home to find ransacked, after a night out with Jessie. I wondered if anyone I’d had issues with online found my whereabouts and broke in.

“I’ve got a bad feeling about this,” she said, then turned and fled.

Strangely enough, police tape was strung about most of the room. When I went to call them on my cell phone, loud music would blare out of it, so a call wasn’t possible.

Then I turned to find a strange man grinning at me in the doorway. Knowing he was responsible, I flew at the guy and began punching the shit out of him. I held the collar of his shirt in one hand so he couldn’t back away from the blows. Just when this seemed like it wasn’t going to do me any good and like he might turn the attack on him, I kicked him in the groin and sent him to the ground. I then kicked him in the head and knocked him unconscious.

SATURDAY, JULY 27, 2013 I rejoined Twitter in preparation for returning to entering sweeps and contests. This way I can do the tweet sweeps. I tweaked my hotkeys for flash forms and all that’s left is setting up Robo and then grabbing a 3-month subscription at OLS. I normally would grab a year, but I don’t know that I can win like I used to, so that’s why I figured I’d start with a few months.

Still dealing with lower back pain that doesn’t want to let up. The loss of mobility in my back/hips (from what?) is causing me to really lose flexibility so I’m working my way back into my old exercise routine and hoping this will help get me going like my old self again. I know that carrying the extra weight doesn’t help either and while it’s been proven long ago that there is no “weaker” sex and that strength/fitness depends on the individual rather than the gender, it’s no joke that we women gain fat easier than men and have a harder time getting rid of it. All the exercise in the world won’t get the weight off if I don’t cut calories. Problem is I gotta damn near starve myself these days to get it off and I’m just not up for that. I’m getting too old to deal with the constant hunger and fatigue. But I gotta do something cuz the problem isn’t going to go away on its own.

We moved my computer off the counter and onto my old desk, which will soon end up with Goodwill since I’ll probably get a new one tomorrow, and it helps to be back in my office chair instead of the counter stools, too.

Not sure what to do today. I don’t want to be too inactive, but I don’t want to overdo it either till I figure out what’s up with my back. I should try to resurrect my half-finished stories and bring back “Bunny Nose,” but with it being the weekend and all I just may laze around watching videos and movies.

Times have really changed for me. In the past, I’d be anxious to meet my neighbors and settle my curiosity. I’d want to get a feel for them and how much trouble they may be, particularly when it came to noise. Nowadays, though, I don’t give a shit who my neighbors are. As long as they don’t force me to know their every move, and they haven’t, I’ll be polite and say hello if I run into them (this is bound to happen sooner or later), but I otherwise don’t care to know they exist. That’s why we’re here.

FRIDAY, JULY 26, 2013 Woke up feeling tired and stiffer than ever, but managed to drag my ass out of bed and onto the treadmill for a little while. I guess I’ve just been doing too much and need to slow down a bit. My sprained wrist still bothers me, too. All I’m doing today is laundry and that’s nothing compared to how it used to be. What used to be an all-day event with multiple loads in our little old portable washer and finding spots to hang things in is now just two big loads in our big washer and dryer. I don’t have to do a damn thing but gather it up, throw it in, put new sheets on, then put the clothes away when they come out of the dryer.

While no one had an ounce of sympathy for the white woman and child hate crime victims, a few of you had plenty of sympathy for Trayvon. Figured you would. Just to clarify things, though, I wasn’t saying it was ok that he was shot. He wasn’t armed, so he shouldn’t have been shot. What I was saying was that Zimmerman didn’t know this. He seemed to truly believe he was in imminent danger, and when one is suddenly in fear of their lives, they don’t necessarily take the time to wonder if that supposed gun could really be Skittles or not. It was a terrible tragedy, don’t get me wrong, but it also wasn’t like the Rodney King case or the guy shot in the back while on the ground in Oakland. It was a poor judgment call on Zimmerman’s part borne out of fear and suspicion that had absolutely NOTHING to do with race. But as always, people choose to make it into a racial issue.

I went to call Paula, now that Tom got me a dial tone again, but her number’s no longer in service. Great. Just great. I don’t know her new address and now I don’t know what number to call. I hope she’s got my number written down somewhere cuz she doesn’t have our new address either. Why does everyone move at the same time?

What I’m guessing may’ve been Kim, was a Facebook follower in the name of Mike O’Malley. I didn’t even know this was a celebrity till I saw the account’s username and then looked him up. Well, Alison got Kim to admit to her fan sites, even though she still does her little impersonations here and there be it cuz she’s addicted to role-playing, crazy with MPD, or both. I blocked the site but didn’t disallow followers. That way she can be dumb enough to follow me again and get blocked again, too.

THURSDAY, JULY 25, 2013 Going to the pool in about 5 minutes. I figure it takes me 5 minutes to get there and they don’t unlock the gates till 6am anyway.

Got a lot of goodies in the mail yesterday. The best thing was a $50 GC from Tammy and Mark as a housewarming present. We plan to go to Big Lots on Sunday to look at computer desks, so we’ll probably use it there. Who knows, maybe they’ll even have a living room set we like.

My colored acrylic gems in fuchsia, purple and crystal arrived to decorate my glass lamps and vase, and so did my raspberry curtains.

Tom picked up a faucet to replace the master bath’s faucet but who knows when he’ll have time to make the switch? These next two weeks at work are going to be crazy for him but the money is just as crazy, so at least something good is coming from it.

Ok, time to gather up my towel and keys and head out. I’ll do another entry later.

Later…

Nane and I have spent both today and yesterday chatting on and off throughout the day. It’s that time of the month when things are slow at work for her. She says reading my bio has gotten her to see me in a different light (for the better, I hope), and that I’m very lucky to have Tom. Indeed I am!

Ah, there’s nothing like a 10-minute walk and a 10-minute swim at the crack of dawn, before most of the world is even awake. Not a soul was around except for a woman who appeared to be in her 60s whom I passed both on the way to and from the pool. This was by the leaker house. The Schmetterlings Haus is still my favorite along the route.

The Jes pest must’ve come around, though, cuz I could smell a little more chlorine.

I might’ve been wrong in saying the window on this side of next door wasn’t openable. When I went to mail my Italian dad’s letter, I thought it looked openable, but I didn’t want to stop and stare at their window either. I still think that’s a bathroom. I hope so anyway. Less likely their mutt will be barking out of it when people start opening windows during the daytime. I have yet to see or hear the mutt, but I’m sure it, as well as many others, have been walked by when I haven’t noticed. They seem to come and go 2-3 times a day, as figured, but if they’ve had any company they’ve been parking in the street and going around to their front door.

It took me 3 shower caddies to get it right, but the one we got that hangs over the shower door in the master bath definitely makes it a bit roomier in there. One of the other ones can go in the second bath, then we’ll have an extra.

Started to worry the place was haunted for a minute there yesterday, something I would absolutely hate. Haven’t heard many “friendly” ghost stories. I figure that if a place is haunted, something bad happened there or someone died there and so whatever it is that’s lurking about isn’t likely to be friendly. Instead, it’s likely to see you as an intruder on their turf.

Upon walking up to the front door after mailing my letter, the front light came on. I had no idea it had a motion sensor in it. Then I could’ve sworn I heard someone in the house when I was in the bathroom. It was probably just the house settling or them out and about next door.

Sometimes I just don’t feel like my old self, particularly in the joints. It’s not so much pain as it is stiffness and lack of mobility, especially in the hips and back. At first I thought I just wasn’t active enough. Then I thought it was the extra weight. But I am active enough and I’m not severely overweight, so now I’m guessing it’s just age.

I was going to call Paula, but can’t get any sound on my computer phone. I had a dial tone yesterday, so I don’t know what went wrong between now and then. Better have Tom look at it.

Later…

I always try to judge people by their behavior and not their color. After all, that’s what defines our personalities and all that, not our race, nationality, height, weight or things like that. But some people really disgust me with the way they treat others.

I was disgusted by the reaction to the George Zimmerman verdict by both blacks and whites alike. I’m tired of people seeing racism where it’s not and not seeing it where it actually is. I’m not at all surprised that people are labeling Zimmerman and his jury racist. Had the colors been swapped and Zimmerman had gotten off as a black man shooting a white man, nobody would give a shit. But as soon as a black person is killed or imprisoned everyone’s quick to scream “racism!” unless it’s an all-black or all-white case. From what I’ve heard about the case George Zimmerman shot Trayvon with just cause.

I was equally disgusted by the case of a white mother and child shot and killed in a mostly black neighborhood whose perps were never charged with the hate crime that they should’ve been charged with. But as with the Zimmerman case, I’m not at all shocked. This reverse discrimination bullshit has been going on since the 90s. I’m far from the only victim of it and so were this poor mother and child.

Yet sadly, some groups continue on with more rights than whites while others continue on with fewer rights than everyone of any color/race.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 24, 2013 Poor Tom had to go to work early today. It’s the end of their fiscal year so the next two weeks are going to be super busy. At least we’re not still trying to move with all this OT going on! I just hope the bastard above doesn’t see fit to reward him for all his hard work with a big fat lay-off notice. But all jobs eventually come to an end. That’s part of why we have our savings built up. Fortunately, the economy is better than it was a couple of years ago and he should be able to get something new pretty fast. In the meantime, he’d also get more unemployment than the last time. Still hope it doesn’t come to that, though.

He said a lot of people at work are jealous of where we live (he’s one of the highest-paid employees there), even if many would consider those who live here to be snobs, LOL. I still can’t believe we’re here. A tiny old trailer in the woods may be better than most apartment complexes, jails, hospitals and other places, but it’s not something we’ll ever miss either.

For now, though, we won’t get much accomplished around here or dentist appointments made for the next two weeks.

Tom got chargeable Bluetooth speakers so I can play the stereo anywhere in the house at a reasonable volume. In a retirement community, I can’t blast my music throughout the whole house.

We also got these things called Super Sliders that you stick under the legs of furniture to make it easier to pull them out when cleaning or whatever. They’re pretty neat.

Went to the pool at the crack of dawn and again I expected it to be cold, but it wasn’t. I could jump right in. I took pics of the pool and the park area en route to it and then back.

Heard some mowers across the street and some car doors, but that was about it. Next door left together at some point and yeah, they do look older than us and are definitely retired. I knew we couldn’t get lucky enough to get next to those still working, but they’ve been quiet.

Since we don’t have the printer set up yet I think I’ll jot a quick letter down by hand to my Italian dad and let him know what’s up.

TUESDAY, JULY 23, 2013 The main water pipe broke yesterday so the water was off for 6 hours. Really hope water issues aren’t the norm here. We had enough of them with the Jes pest and in Maricopa. That’s usually a rural thing. But now we’re in the city. Fortunately, I only had to pee 3 times (I was asleep 2 hours before the water came back on). I used as little toilet paper as I could and closed the cover to the pretty new toilet seat.

The dark pink blackout drapes we got for the bedroom that blocks light, reduces noise and cuts cooling/heating costs turned out to be too short and are going to be returned. They were kids’ drapes too, since the adult colors were boring. The last thing I wanted was black, navy or maroon drapes in there, so I jumped online and found every color in the rainbow. Raspberry drapes are now on the way and are 84” long. :)

Had we waited another month to get in here we may not have been able to. The prices have suddenly skyrocketed! Forget selling the “leaker” house for 20 or 30 grand. They’re definitely going to ask for 40 or 50 grand. Also, I was mistaken in saying they were asking 12K for it. They were actually asking 15K when we first looked at it.

Someone may’ve bought, remodeled and flipped this place too, then sold it for twice as much, though this place is in great condition compared to how the leaker house used to be. It’s newer, too.

I was also mistaken in saying we plan to do the outside of our place in aluminum siding. I meant to say vinyl siding. That way it’ll never rust and we’ll never need to paint. I’d like peach, mint green or sky blue.

LOL, Tammy thinks the colorful flowers in front are tiger lilies and Nane thinks they’re Schmetterlingsbaum (butterfly trees).

She’s curious to see pics of the park and pool, so I think I’ll take some later on and hopefully no one will mind. Some of the houses and the landscaping around them are drop-dead gorgeous!

A part of me wishes we could rip out all the plants around our place and just throw down gravel and privacy blinds on the sides, so we no longer had to worry about them, but that would take a lot of time and money better spent on other things.

Yesterday was very quiet. The night before last I heard a car door close nearby just after midnight. Must’ve been parked in the back cuz I can barely hear when next door comes and goes. Their SUV is very quiet and they open and close doors inside their garage, which muffles the sound of it.

Been here two weeks now and the Internet hasn’t cut out once! In Auburn, the damn modem would reset itself anywhere from a few to a few dozen times a day. I do NOT miss that! But some things are still disappointingly slow since sometimes it’s the server that’s slow and not you.

It’s taken some getting used to having the refrigerator on top and the freezer on the bottom, but it’s quite a nice, new, high-tech fridge. It even beeps if you leave the door open. Love how the oven is self-cleaning, too.

The new locks are now on both doors and I even found the decorative fan/light chains and decorative faceplates I had in our Maricopa house. That tugged a wave of emotion through me. Just never thought we’d ever own a place we could use them in again, I guess.

MONDAY, JULY 22, 2013 Went for our first swim in 6 years yesterday! After spending over $400 at Walmart on groceries and stuff for the house, we returned home, did a few things around the house, and then drove to the pool. I paid strict attention as to how to walk there on my own when I want to (or ride my bike once I get a new one). It shouldn’t take more than 5 minutes to get there.

On the way, Tom pointed out the “leaker” house. The one that was humungous but in shit shape. For some reason, I thought that place was on the other side of the park, but it’s right behind us. It’s now wearing a new roof, paint and more. They really remodeled it big time. I still think the people who came to look at it after we saw it bought it with plans to renovate and flip it. It will probably sell in the 20Ks or higher instead of the 12K they were asking for when we checked it out. I’m glad we didn’t get that one or the triple wide for 10K. Those were just way too big and not as new/nice.

We got to the pool at around 11:00 and found it deserted and the gate locked. Just as we were wondering why we were never given a pool key, Joy and her husband (who I learned live here) came to the pool, accompanied by another woman and a girl about 10 years of age. Larry, her husband, had locked the pool down so he could treat the water, though the pool is usually open from 6am - 10pm.

The girl got in the water first and was going “Brrrr….” In a way that made me think it was cold, but it was actually quite nice. Hey, it was over 100° the day before and it’s solar-heated too, so it should be nice. The plan was to just go for a quick dip just to finally be able to say we did, then get back to work, but I never wanted to get out of the water! It was just so beautiful. I was surprised to find its deep end is 8’ deep since diving isn’t allowed and there’s no diving board or anything like that.

With reluctance, I soon managed to pull myself out of the pool where I then showered off the chlorine and went home. Tom didn’t want to get burned anyway. He got enough of a burn at the company picnic.

On the way back I was delighted to see next door sitting on the other side of their house. They waved to us, though I don’t know that they knew who we were. They can’t see our car from their place. I’m just so glad they won’t be hanging out on this side. I HATED it when the neighboring duplex people would camp right outside our window and laugh and shout and gab for hours at a time. They were even closer to the wall of our duplex than the freeloaders were to the wall of our Phoenix house. They might as well have just come right into our bedroom and done their chatting there cuz they were pretty damn close enough as it was.

Later…

Went for a walk to the clubhouse and it was so beautiful. Little nippy at first, to my surprise, but still gorgeous. The “6:00 man” that always passes by on his morning walk is 20 minutes late today, so I just saw. Anyway, it took me about 10 minutes to and fro, but was so nice and peaceful. It was great not having to worry about being attacked by dogs.

A maintenance guy was doing a puzzle and the exercise room wasn’t nearly as impressive as I thought. I’m so glad we didn’t get an elliptical machine! I do not like the feel of it at all. Maybe I could get used to it but maybe not. The bikes were ok with the comfy seats they have, and the Bowflex was ok. But the treadmill can do what the bike can do and my resistance bands can do what the Bowflex can do. Maybe not as well but pretty damn close. So why not work out in the comfort of home where I can then jump right in the shower? There goes the 6:00 man again. Guess he’s circling the block.

As I was leaving the clubhouse some guy left his house to walk his mutt which went off on me when it saw me. Not sure who the guy was more annoyed with; his dog or with me for daring to leave the clubhouse right when I did, LOL.

Saw next door was watering the grass they have on the other side of their place. Not by hand but with sprinklers. They have a better view on that side than on either side of our place, but I’m not sure I’d want to swap spaces with them. If we were where they are the nearest carport would be further away, but the people in here would probably spend time on the patio which is between the two places. They have a screen door in back of their garage, too.

Not sure if I want to go swimming today or not. As usual, I have a lot to do. I’m also glad I didn’t go to a salon when I first considered it. Now that I’ll be swimming regularly I’m definitely sick of long hair. It sheds all over and is a bitch to care for. I think that right at the start of every pool season I’ll cut it to my shoulders, but I do want to let the pros do it and not us, haha. They don’t have to dye it or anything, but first chance I get, I’m getting it cut.

Later…

Found Kim on Facebook, sent her a friend request, and she added me. I knew her when I lived in South Deerfield, MA. She was a nurse, very bright, and I feel bad for ignoring her before we left Phoenix and then later on as well. I just had so much going on with me at the time, not that it’s any good excuse. She was always good to me.

We haven’t talked yet. FB makes it very hard to contact people these days. If you’re not friends (and sometimes even if you are), your messages, wall posts and comments to them often go unseen.

While my day started off well and I got a lot done, I’m not very happy right now at all. We haven’t even been here for two weeks and the water’s been off for over two hours. No wonder Joy warned us about this when we met with her. I was afraid that “occasional” need to turn the water to the park off really meant “frequently.” Why bring it up if it was just occasional? I have a feeling this is going to happen once or twice a month and that would really suck, too. :( What if I was in the shower?

I’m getting a little burned out now, so to quickly go over yesterday’s shopping trip – I got these really cool shiny pink and silver wall d��cor things you stick on the walls. It was a 6-piece set and it’s in the bathroom now. Don’t know how long they’ll stay put, but we’ll see. They’re supposed to be removable and reusable.

Got a lovely doormat for inside the back door with purple flowers, a pail for my new office with pink and purple flowers, purple glitter nail art polish, two pink bathmats for the master bath, one of those dusters that’ll let me dust the fan that’s 10’ up, and new toilet seats for both baths. The master has a tan one with a palm tree design on its cover and the other one is slate blue.

I also thought it was time to replace our glasses. I prefer plastic ones in case we drop one. The floral design on our 7-year-old cups was disappearing, so I got 4 new ones in different colors – pink, red, blue and clear. They’re kinda tall, too. I didn’t get the green ones they had cuz it was an ugly shade of green, like olive.

The silver faucet I wanted for the master bath was out of stock. The nickel was dull and the brushed bronze made me want to cry just looking at it.

Andy lost 9 pounds. Yay for him! My own weight is “resetting” itself as usual, despite keeping active and eating less. Oh well. I guess if my body fights to hang onto weight like this, then it was meant to be there.

Getting spam again on Ask #1 so I temporarily disabled anonymous comments. It might be a little more than temporary this time because I just don’t have time for that anymore. I can barely keep my eyes open to type this that’s how busy I’ve been.

More to tell but am just too beat. Back tomorrow!

SUNDAY, JULY 21, 2013 Today’s going to be busy, busy, busy, but fun, fun, fun. Even if it means having to go to the pool when it’s crowded and full of screaming kids who are visiting. IDK, maybe the parents (or grandparents) will keep them at least somewhat civilized.

First, though, Tom and I are going to hit Walmart real early for both groceries and other things.

Things have been peaceful here save for scattered car doors thumping. The only real frustration lately is the fact that a flying rock cracked Tom’s windshield for the second time in less than a year. :(

I was added by a Lea P on Facebook (didn’t realize I had my thing set to allow friend invites from everyone). Then I saw her account was mostly about God and heterosexual pride and I’m like, why is this chick even friending me? When I asked both in a message and on her wall how she found me, I was ignored, so I deleted her. Whoever it was (Kim? Molly? Molly-related?) was still around, though, because they went from 17 friends to 34 friends over the course of the day. They don’t seem to be a spam account of any kind so I don’t know what’s up with that.

I forgot to take a picture of the little clump of prickly pear cactus that’s at the end of the driveway. Tammy says she thinks the pink flowers by next door are tiger lilies, and yes, she still does have to have a lung transplant for sure. :( Aw, I was hoping she would improve enough not to need one. But if I remember correctly, they only need to do one lung. I don’t want to ask her about it because it’s not something she likes to think about.

Slept on Mrs. S’s flannel sheets last night. They stay put better but are a bit warm for this time of year. As much as I bitched and complained about all the shit they left behind, I really do appreciate some of it. Besides, someday we’re going to die (just maybe not here) and someone’s going to have to pick up after us and clean out our shit. That’ll be a helluva lot more than they left.

SATURDAY, JULY 20, 2013 I’m so glad we got outbid on the “barking” house! I really love this place even if it’s a bit big for us. I also love knowing that no mutt could ever bark out an open window next door on our side cuz there are no “real” windows there. Haven’t heard any of that anywhere yet despite all the houses that surround us, but this isn’t exactly the time of year people leave windows open.

Yesterday I was pretty stupid. I flushed a few baby tomatoes down the toilet that were going bad, not wanting to put them in the trash and stink the place up. I totally forgot we now have a disposal to use for stuff like that!

Although the drawers in this place aren’t on rollers being an ’83, they open and close just fine unlike in the trailer. The trailer drawers were old, painted and too big. But this house’s grand total of 30 drawers and 45 cabinets function just fine.

Gonna do some laundry later on. The washer and dryer work great, but the washer is so huge that I can’t reach all the way to the bottom of it being so short, LOL. It felt so good to hold warm, dryer-dried clothes in my hands after so damn long!

I have plans to do some rearranging and reorganizing of stuff that’s in closets and drawers. There’s a closet with sliding doors in the hall and also one with a small door.

So far we’ve changed locks, picked up a lockbox, and been given the transmitter for the gates for when we’re coming in at night. It’s after 2am now so they’re all locked up tight. The only open area will let you out, but not in unless you want a set of flat tires. I wonder why they didn’t just put a gate there that opens when it senses cars wanting to go out like they did in the back? The tire spikes are harmless going out, but come in that way and they’ll spike you.

The toilets are so big they take forever to fill and I’m kind of cramped in the shower. The second bath’s shower is actually bigger than the master’s cuz the master has the giant tub. Another thing I don’t like about the shower is that they only have one sunken shelf. I used to rest my foot on the side of the tub when shaving and now I have to just bend straight over. Tom’s fine in his shower cuz he only has two bottles, one being soap and the other being shampoo. But I have that plus a conditioner, bath gloves and a razor. So we got me one of those shower caddies on a pole that goes from floor to ceiling. It’s a good thing I’m small otherwise I’d be really cramped in there.

The new shower massagers we got are adequate but not very impressive. They just don’t have enough oomph, but that also makes the hot water last longer.

Got a rainbow lamp on a stand (each plastic shade is a different color – pink, purple, orange, green and blue) and it helps even out the light in the massive master bedroom that I think is even bigger than the one we had in Maricopa. Maricopa’s was square, this one’s rectangle.

I saw a video on YouTube showing a really great way to fold T-shirts and socks and be able to see every single one of them that’s in a drawer. It really saves on space, too.

My feet have gotten somewhat used to being on them but when they get sore I find that flexing my toes back and then pointing them as far as I can helps to ease the pain.

In other news, Molly’s back online and up to the same old shit, asking on Ask if I missed her, wanting to be friends, etc. shakes head sadly Geez, some people never change, do they? I knew no group home could change her. She is who she is, fucked up or not. All the group home can do is keep her in line. If there’s any more unwanted contact from her, I’ll contact them. She’s probably not allowed to be online but has found a way to sneak on at night. Aly said she deletes things at just such an hour, so that’s why she’s probably still not allowed.

A few days ago someone in San Angelo, TX combed through some of my blog pages one at a time over the course of about 20 minutes. I thought it was Kathy at first cuz it’s near Brownwood, but Kathy would never be that interested in my blog. It was probably Molly or someone she had check it out. Maybe they copied stuff to email her or printed it out for her.

FRIDAY, JULY 19, 2013 Nane’s really been into the pics I’ve been posting of the house and even the rats too, LOL.

I didn’t do as much journaling yesterday and still haven’t caught up on my reading, but I’m determined to make myself take it easier today, even though there are still some things piled in the living room. I hate looking at piles of clutter but we’re about 95% moved in now. We’ve basically gone from dealing with what’s critical to fine-tuning. Over the years we’ll slowly get this place how we want it to be. We could do it all right now but don’t want to drain the savings.

We have plenty of things planned for the weekend, like spraying outdoors. The webs and spiders around here are a bit much, especially at this time of year. They’re all over the bushes and railings.

I took some pictures around the outside of the house but didn’t get to the pink flowers by next door's place yet on the left side of the house due to all the creepy webs. Tom still hasn’t had time to spray and I hate the way the damn things stick to me. There are azaleas in front and roses in back (American Beauty?) but I don’t know what the lovely pink flowers on the left are. Love how I can see them from the kitchen window.

Someone was doing loud yard work yesterday morning at the end of the side street but I could barely hear it in here.

Tammy left a message saying she was happy for us, we deserve this, she’s sent a housewarming present, and she and Mark are looking forward to chatting. Me too, and from a phone that doesn’t break up.

Ok, here’s a little more about what they left. They left a hideous old, ugly lamp in the bedroom, but since it’s got a short in it, It’s not Goodwillable. We’ll just dump it.

They also left a semi-hideous wall clock but that was because its hands would get hung up on each other. There were a couple of other wall hangings. I kept the one of cherries. Once the place is fully set up I’ll take more pics, then again after the walls are done, and again once the new carpet is laid down. If you’re not a Facebook friend, you won’t see most of these pics.

They must’ve really been into Halloween because they had Halloween napkins (plus some Christmas ones) and a heavy Jack-o-lantern that will go to Goodwill. The napkins we’ll keep, though, since they hadn’t been taken out of their packages and look decent enough.

They also left an assortment of kitchen and bath towels, a few of which I’ve kept. Two of the kitchen towels are button towels that you secure around cabinet handles. Love those things! There were some mugs, glasses, pots, pans, silverware and Tupperware, some of which I kept.

She had a couple of small rotating trays under the sink which is handy for keeping cleaning supplies visible and easy to reach, but the best thing she left was a crockpot. Always wanted one of those even though I’m not big on cooking.

I’ll describe appliances and the ins and outs of the house in my next entry.

Later…

The swelling in my feet is going down and so is my weight. Last night I dreamed I got into a bathtub but forgot to undress first cuz I was so tired. When I looked down at myself and noticed I still had my clothes on, I saw that I was thin. A future dream premonition? Well, 1 dream and 4 pounds aren’t enough to tell me anything yet.

Gene and Audrey were already 75 years old when they moved in here, but since they made it to 90, they were able to stay a while. The house’s 30th birthday was July 8th.

They left books as well as manuals for all the appliances. Decided not to bother Goodwilling the books for now and to just throw them on the bottom shelf of the bookcase. They’re big heavy hardcovers and I didn’t feel like boxing them all up. I’ve got enough to do. I also thought that shelf would look better with something on it than nothing at all, and that’s something I don’t care if the rats come in contact with. Some of the books are old and date back to 1910, but I doubt I could get much money for them. Maybe in 500 years, but not now. It seems nothing has much value these days but gold.

They left some little things too, I forgot to say, like pens, clips, magnets, and even some body butter that smells nice.

I love running up and down the long hall, which happened to be a great spot for my plug-in air freshener. I love the whole house! There are a few imperfections, of course, as with any house. The only thing I might change is I might make the living room and master bath/bed a little smaller, and I’d prefer to enter the second bath from the hallway. I never liked having to go through other rooms to get to bathrooms unless it was off a master bedroom. You have to either go through the second bedroom or the laundry room to get to the second bath.

Going room by room, the living room is like a massive canyon. This is the room I’m now working on, setting up the collectibles and other knickknacks. I still have to do the laundry room, too. I think I’m going to stick with drapes rather than go back to blinds. I don’t want to have to remove and dump those super long drapery rods, and I like how the inner drapes still let light in. What I don’t like is how little privacy I feel I have when the inner drapes are open, but the sheer inner ones sure let in a lot of sunlight. We just may get new drapes in a different color on motorized tracks.

I love the kitchen overall but don’t like how the light switches are scattered. I wish they were all by the entryway as opposed to by the stove and at the sides of the sink. The oven’s taking some getting used to but works well. The dishwasher’s soap door doesn’t spring open and why they neglected to tell us this, I don’t know. Maybe it’s the “pops” we’ve been using and they block the door from springing open. They shouldn’t, though. That’s what they were made for. I’ll test it with some liquid soap later. Either way, the dishwasher is on our list of things to replace.

The refrigerator was the only thing that was clean when we got here because it is new. It’s huge and has all glass shelves, see-through drawers, and even humidity control.

We first thought the AC came out of the ceiling and the heat out of the floor, but we think the floor vents are actually the return. We can feel the air being sucked through it when the AC is running, and there are no slats to adjust the airflow either. Love the digital thermostat. The fact that the AC cycles on and off during the hottest part of the day, unlike the cooler at the trailer that would run steadily for hours, shows how well insulated and how much thicker these walls are.

The drapes in the master bathroom will definitely be replaced with blackout drapes in a solid color so comforters won’t clash with them.

The back wall of the master bathroom is white. I don’t know why that one wall doesn’t have the design on it the rest of the walls in there have but other than smoothing out any walls they simply painted to white-out the brown paneling, I’m going to leave the wall designs as they are in the kitchen and the baths. I’ll be sure to take pics of the original carpet, flooring and walls at some point so others can see how much they’ll change.

I love that the tub and showers have all plastic surrounds and no tile and grout to have to deal with that’s a bitch to clean and a magnet for mildew.

Got a few runaway doors, but nothing like we had in the trailer even though the trailer only had two inner doors. One of the bedrooms stays open only part way and the laundry room door swings shut.

Later…

Since I have no use for my tea candles now that I don’t burn scented oil anymore, which gives off some smoke, I scattered a bunch of them throughout the place and cut the lights. They look cool and give off just enough light to walk around in here, but I need the regular light for cooking and things like that.

Still quiet here save for a 1-hour “blow job” from the guy next door who went around his place with a blower just before 9:00. What could possibly take an hour to blow over there? It was green waste day, so that’s probably why he blew his place at that time. Regardless, I figured landscaping sounds would be regular enough here. You can’t keep a neighborhood looking this good just by wishing, thinking or praying about it.

The overall quietness of the place proves Andy and I were right and Tom was wrong, LOL. I had asked Tom if he thought there really was a neighbor noise curse on us for so damn long (as I suspected) or if there were just that many “extremes” out there. He said he thought there were that many extremes. Oh, I know there are a lot of loud, rude, obnoxious and inconsiderate people out there, so don’t get me wrong. But the peacefulness around here goes to show that people really can be civilized if they only wanted to and if they only cared enough to. I still think we got one extreme after another that was no coincidence. What are the odds of ending up next to a mother and daughter residing in the neighboring duplex right outside your bedroom wall that goes back and forth and back and forth at all hours of the day and night between the two sides? What are the odds of hearing your landlord nearly every single day that’s hundreds of feet away? What are the odds of getting the welfare bums AND the large Mormon family with a million screaming kids AND the college animals? How about the nut with the barking dog that promised to be quiet, then blasted her TV and left her dog outside alone all day? A few bad neighbors are to be expected in life, but one after another?

What I love about next door is that they have an attached garage. This really muffles any car/house doors. Also, the only window of theirs on this side is a round frosted window that’s probably a bathroom. So this gives us a little bit more privacy. If they’ve been having company, they’ve been parking in the street and going to their front door on the other side of their house.

Tom’s got to work today, but hopefully we’ll make it to the pool tomorrow after we do our shopping for groceries and more things for the house. We plan to replace the bathroom faucets and pick up a few more things. We replaced the master bath’s broken flap and all that, but I don’t like the push-button handle. You have to really push it hard and that can be tough with long nails, so we’re going to swap it with the other toilet so we can have a traditional push-down handle in there since I use that toilet most.

THURSDAY, JULY 18, 2013 We have loved every fun, hectic, exhausting minute of our first week in our new home! Also, if I don’t finally catch up on everything, I never will! Besides, even though my feet are getting used to all the activity, I could use a break. All the critical stuff is done anyway. Now that I’ve got things in the vicinity of where they’re going to live, it’s just a matter of fine-tuning and arranging them just the way I want them. I still LMAO over the appraiser or whomever it was that was arguing over the size of this place and trying to say this massive cavern of a house is only 1300 square feet. It’s much bigger than the house we had in Phoenix which would mean that house had to have been 1000 square feet or less if this were really 1300 square feet and there’s just no way in hell that could be. Phoenix was about 1200 square feet. It was one of those houses where you weren’t cramped but you didn’t have a lot of extra space either. We could cut a third of space off each room but the second bath and bedroom and still have plenty of space in here. Oh, the floor space I’ll have for bopping around to exercise vids once we get the big TV mounted.

Not sure I’m going to stuff most of the Barbie collection in the hutch because the doors’ wooden frames block some of them from view. You kind of have to have them centered in the doors. Wish I could put my bride doll in there (Summer Dream), but anything over 14” high won’t fit. So small dolls and knickknacks are all that can go in there. I still have the big bookshelf to fill up once I get their books out of the picture. Yes, there will be more to dust here than in the other place because there will be more stuff, but it will be easier cuz I won’t have to climb over so many things in order to dust one object, and there won’t be piles of clutter.

Sometimes I wish those I know, no matter how understanding and imaginative they may be, could really feel the stress and fear we went through for just 5 minutes so that they REALLY get a sense of how hellish it truly was and can REALLY see how relieved we are that it’s over and how we could never take this place for granted. And I’m NOT gonna let God send anyone or any circumstances to take it away from us either!

But I couldn’t do that to those I care about; that’s how horrifying an ordeal it was, not expecting a miracle to save you and not being able to see any way out no matter how much you rack your brains for a solution and really want to be able to continue to live on. Then they would have the memories to live with forever, no matter where they went or what they did. Trust me, no one wants this kind of PTSD! Life changes, but memories don’t. I’m just glad we got to live to see this day happen. No one wants to die. No one. They just want the misery to end. But you know how people are. They wrongly believe that if you kill yourself, you’re a coward, and if you try to kill yourself, you’re just looking for attention.

I’m still sleeping well here and it’s nice to know I no longer have to worry about that. That was one of my biggest concerns upon moving. It’s just so wonderful knowing that if next door does move, the welfare bums, college kids, and the Brady Bunch can’t move in! EVER! With our shit luck, though, they’ll make 55+ parks illegal, calling it discrimination. I hope not cuz I don’t ever want to have to move again! Or at least not for many, many years. Moving is fun, but it’s also a pain.

It was nice not having to wait a week to go online like when we moved from the duplex to the house we rented in Oregon. I wasn’t thrilled to find yet another new round of changes and glitches on Facebook, but it was there.

The amount of stuff they left behind, especially in the kitchen, is like OMG! I’ve already got like 5 boxes and 5 trash bags filled with shit for Goodwill. I said to myself, “Since they left nearly everything a kitchen could possibly have, I’d be surprised if there wasn’t a spice rack in here somewhere.” So I went and checked and sure enough, there was. It was stashed in back of a cabinet. It was old, though. I was originally going to get a spice rack for all my nail polish, but they’re fine in the master bathroom’s medicine cabinet. Everything’s so far away from everything in that room. The toilet’s far from the sink which is far from the tub which is far from the shower…

They left behind some silver, some of which has engravings. There are spoons, cups, candlesticks and more. I haven’t yet explored all of that, the books they left or some of the cabinets. Going through the place has been like going on a scavenger hunt. We just never know what we’re going to find. Anyway, the silver isn’t worth much, according to our research, so we’ll probably just take it to a place that melts silver.

Gonna try to limit entries to about 1000 words so they’re not endlessly long!

TUESDAY, JULY 16, 2013 For one who usually does two journal entries a day, I guess I really am slacking off. Been so busy but loving it! I was so exhausted from all that’s been going on and that I’ve been doing that I slept for 10 hours, only waking up once to pee. It only took me two days to get used to sleeping here. I no longer wake up so often either, especially during the daytime. Not having to go to sleep wondering if the Jes pest would be down to bug me or not certainly helps when I’m on nights.

Speaking of that pest who lives in the pre-internet days and always outdoors, when Tom went up to get the last few things and do any car maintenance on Saturday that can’t be done here till we get the garage up, he told him we were great renters and all that. LOL, well, we won’t miss his dumpy old trailer and the serious lack of space! We could easily cut about a third of space off from this place and still have plenty of room. There’s no way in hell this thing is 1300 square feet like they were arguing over. It’s noticeably bigger than our Phoenix house, which was about 1200 square feet without the garage. This place is definitely no smaller than 1500 square feet.

Jesse said it’d be a couple of months before he rented the place cuz he’s going to install new flooring and do the painting and roofing he’s been talking about doing for years. He also said Maryann was anxiously asking about the shed and he said he’d make her clean the trailer for it, LOL. She’s got her work cut out for her. We didn’t leave much behind other than the futon and a few odds and ends, but the kitchen and bathroom are dirty and she needs to vacuum unless Jesse re-carpets. He should, too!

Meanwhile, it took me 9 whole hours to clear the crap out of the kitchen that they left behind. Yeah, I was kinda pissed, though I understand it might’ve been too hard for them to do because they were sad. Gene and Audrey didn’t leave because they wanted to; they left because they got too old to live here. Still, their kids should have cleaned up after them or maybe a friend.

Most of the stuff is going to Goodwill, but they did leave a few useful items. I’ll get into them another time. Right now I have to get back to work. Today I’m working our stuff into the kitchen and washing anything that needs washing first. So nice to have a dishwasher again after 9 years!

SUNDAY, JULY 14, 2013 Again Maliheh was on my visitor list, but not in my blog. At least not the one I can track. Is she taunting me? Reading back for a good laugh? For something to “get” me with? Or could there be some freak chance she may miss me and be reminiscing? Whatever it is, I refuse to let God use anyone as pawns to make our lives miserable here as He did with the same batch of blacks and Hispanics in both Phoenix and Maricopa. This is the third place Tom and I have owned since being together and it will be the first to be unmarred by that kind of drama. Online trolls and threats from trolls’ evil moms, pigs or people pretending to be pigs is one thing, but it is not going to spill out of the virtual world and into the real one.

I’m starting to break records for missing days where I don’t post journal entries. So here’s one saying that I’m overworked and sometimes annoyed with all I have to do, mostly thanks to the previous owners, but loving every second of it. There’s so much more to do than when we moved to Maricopa. Since we were the first ones to live there were no cabinets, drawers and closets to clear out, nor did we need to change any locks.

Wish I’d taken better notes along the way cuz I know I’m not going to remember every little detail I’d love to document and share, but I’ll do my best. I figure that I won’t forget the things that are most important. Well, of the ones I can publicly share, anyway.

Shared some pics on a couple of sites and plan to take more in stages as the house progresses, including shots of around the park itself. The park you’d never know you were in! It looks like any old classy, beautiful neighborhood with on-site homes. I was surprised to see someone with a gay flag. Not something you usually expect with older people. I just hope history doesn’t repeat itself! If it does, these quiet neighbors will turn noisy soon enough or they’ll be replaced with noisy people. At least they can’t be “noisy” in the way they can be in the mainstream. That’s why we came here.

Tom saw the guy next door take off on his bike this morning when he was going out to the store. He said he was clearly older than him. People usually only move from here if they die or need to go into assisted living, so if he can ride a bike, he shouldn’t be going anywhere for a while. Haven’t seen his wife yet.

Slept much better the last two nights (which were almost days given where my schedule’s at now) and I don’t know if it’s because it was the weekend and there was less traffic, I changed sound machines, or I’ve gotten used to it. Tom thinks I’m mostly getting used to it. I hope so cuz that’s the only thing I don’t like is all the traffic. It’s better than people living back there, though. The traffic’s gotten pretty predictable. It’s mostly heavy in the morning but tapers off by noon – the retirees take off to run errands or visit friends and those still working head to work.

We got pleated blackout shades for the bedroom in Sandstone and they really do a great job of blocking light. Would be better with blackout drapes added as well, which I plan to eventually get. Her drapes aren’t ugly, but they’d clash with my rose comforter and things like that. Pink carpet would clash with things too, so I realize, and therefore I’ll probably go with a crème or a beige colored carpet when it comes time to redo that. The walls will be painted and smoothed before the carpet so we don’t have to stress about dripping paint on brand-new carpet. Some of the dark paneling actually looks good. They didn’t paint the beams in the living room’s cathedral ceilings and the contrast is actually nice. I’m not going to paint or resurface the kitchen cabinets and counters; just redo the floor. The floor’s not ugly, but it’s dull and worn. The bathrooms and laundry room floors are in better condition, but still a bit dull and worn. I want to personalize as much as I can to my styles and colors. Luckily for me, Tom doesn’t give a shit what I choose, LOL. That’s more of a woman’s thing anyway.

The boring dark brown carpet isn’t frayed but the padding beneath it is shot.

I’m ok with the 3 different wallpaper designs in the kitchen and bathrooms so I’ll probably leave them as they are.

This woman was weird, though. Not only was she apparently very big on cooking (she’s got almost everything you could find in a kitchen), but there were pieces of dried onions in a wicker basket in a cabinet. I wonder if she put them there to control odors cuz I noticed a strange smell there myself. I don’t care for the smell of onions either, though, so I dumped the green onion bulbs I put in a jar of water. I read that if you cut the bulbs off and soak them in water, you’ll have a whole new batch in 12 days. They really were starting to sprout, but like I said, I didn’t appreciate the smell.

There’s so, so much more to write, but I gotta get back to work tackling the kitchen. As much as all this work is killing my feet, it’s keeping me from eating!

FRIDAY, JULY 12, 2013 Looks like Maliheh accessed one of my old messages to her. I wonder why. To get a good laugh?

Even though there’s still TONS of work to do around here, I thought I’d do some writing now before I REALLY get backed up and start forgetting things. It wasn’t always convenient for me to take notes along the way.

Right now the dining area is a sea of boxes and we STILL have PLENTY of room! We can actually both pass by each other in the hallway, whereas the short “hallway” in the trailer could barely fit two people my size in it.

They picked up trash and recyclables today and it was perfect timing since I just filled both with some of the crap they left behind. Then again, they had the recycle bin nearly full. I meant it when I said I was both grateful and annoyed with the people that lived here. We did tell them they could leave whatever they wanted, yes, but we didn’t think they’d leave sooo much stuff, most of which is worthless. Their daughter left a note saying:

Dear New Owners,

Welcome! Hoping you will enjoy living in this lovely park as much as our parents have the last 15 years! We truly did leave a lot of “stuff” for you – hope at least some is useful. Hey, if you ever find a platinum wedding ring and engagement ring, my mom lost hers somewhere in this house some years ago… we certainly would appreciate you giving me a call. Maybe down in a sink trap? Wish we had more time to make this place spotless for you. Please let Brenda know if you have questions and I’ll try to get answers for you from my parents! Two big keys are to doors, small key is mailbox, towels/rags in dryer are for you.

Best! Sherida

Would love to find Audrey’s ring for her, but if it went down the drain it’s long gone by now.

We appreciate the stools so we could have a place to sit right away, as well as the long L-shaped counter. It’s where we initially put our computers. But I don’t at all appreciate how filthy they left the place. The bathrooms weren’t too bad, but the kitchen is caked with dirt, the carpet’s a mess, and there’s dust all over the walls. I took one of their long dust mops they left here and got all the dust and webs from the walls. The ceilings, however, are surprisingly clean and bright.

Gonna be dumping, recycling and Goodwilling a lot of their stuff over the coming weeks. They left a couch, a double bed, 3 adequate but worn barstools, a rocking chair, another chair that’s an old, uncomfortable piece of shit and tons of books. Most of the books aren’t novels but educational and self-help kind of stuff. The couch helps fill up some of the space and is better than nothing till we get our own, but is very uncomfortable. The wooly fabric is itchy and it’s too low and soft.

The double bed also isn’t very comfortable, but we wanted one for the second bedroom.

We’ll probably keep the stools cuz they’re not that bad. I’d like to find cloth covers for them since I don’t really care for vinyl or leather, but I don’t know if I could find any that would fit their shape.

They practically left the kitchen completely stocked. This included flour, sugar, spices and an open bottle of maple syrup put in a cabinet of all places. So I had to dump that, plus some dumpy things the Goodwill wouldn’t take and that weren’t necessarily recyclable like old wicker baskets. There’s tons of stuff, though – pots, pans, silverware, utensils, cups, mugs, glasses, plates, bowls… almost everything you’d find in any kitchen. Only problem is most of it’s so old. We’ve got our own stuff anyway. They left a lot of towels and linens, too. It got to the point that every time I’d open a closet, drawer or cabinet I hadn’t yet explored, I’d dread the mess I would find. The built-in desk in the laundry room, which will basically be a “community office” of sorts for the wireless laser printer, scanner and things like that, had tons of office supplies. Again, though, it was mostly useless, though I kept a few decent rolls of tape.

They also left a lot of cleaning stuff and hangers.

Rather than make a few super long entries about our new and wonderful house (just wish I could sleep better), I’ll do a bunch of smaller ones.

Moving day was one of the most emotional days of my life. The night before, as I lay my head down one last time in the dumpy little trailer we called “home” for half a decade, I was both excited and a bit nervous. The tears really started coming once we had most of our stuff cleared out as I stood in the tiny 10x10 bedroom that almost became our death chamber. A flood of mixed emotions came over me. I shuddered with the horrible memories that were both sad and scary, thought of how much I learned while we lived there, the wonderful people I got to know, and how angry I was that God put us through (or at least let us go through) so much shit while we lived there that was so damn stressful and even downright scary at times. It doesn’t matter whether or not it was God Himself or a devil He allowed to torment us. God’s just as guilty whether He’s the main player or the enabler.

Above all, I was excited as hell. I basically laughed and cried tears of joy all day. Sometimes I stop, I look around me, and I think Omigod, we’re here. We’re really here! For a while, I didn’t think we’d get out of that damn trailer alive and then I didn’t think we’d get out at all. So many times I stared out those windows, crying, thinking we’d never get out and that that was a forced forever home.

When the loan people kept screwing up and causing delays (along with the God above that never wanted us to have such posh digs) I started to lose interest in this house and thought we’d probably be better off selling it if we did get it, figuring they’d screw us over some more, but they didn’t. They promptly refunded the money they owed us, so that was nice. A part of me wishes we’d done the walls and re-carpeted before moving, but we waited long enough to get in here and didn’t want to add any more delays. I definitely don’t want to move for a long time to come, if ever again. Maybe Florida or some other country won’t be worth it. No one’s pestered us like I thought they might, so that’s nice. It’s also been really hot, so hopefully the peace won’t come to an end with the cooler weather, not that we’ll have much of that till late November, early December. Hot or not, we definitely couldn’t be surrounded by so many houses in the mainstream and have so much peace and quiet. Haven’t heard a single bark yet, though I’ve seen a few little mutts being walked by. I can hear kids playing beyond the park’s perimeters in the carport, but you can’t hear them at all indoors. The only thing I hear are vehicles passing by. There hasn’t been a ton of car door slamming like I thought there might be either from next door, across Radiance Circle, or across Cayes Cove, the side street. Astronaut, the street in back, gets way more traffic than in front.

I just hope this house never holds the kind of terror that trailer held; thinking we would die no matter what we did or didn’t do. Hell, we survived the evil above! The question is, is God going to take this place from us too, after taking two others from us? I wonder about that and worry, but try not to think about it. As long as we’re smart about our money and Tom isn’t laid off and then stuck with either unemployment or minimum wage jobs indefinitely, we should be able to keep the savings built up nicely.

We drove by the storage place we used when we first came to Cali. Had someone tapped me on the shoulder the day I took a nap under the big old oak tree nearby when we were homeless and told me this was where I’d live in 6 years, I’d never have believed it. OMG, I’m getting so emotional again, LOL.

I woke up at 10:00 on moving day. Tom had just returned from bombing the house and picking up the moving truck. The moving truck that could have so easily been a coroner’s van. It took us till around 3:00 to load the thing up. Just before 5:00 we dropped the truck back off in Auburn, picked up the car, went to KFC, grabbed some more stuff from the trailer, and returned for our first night in our new home.

Unfortunately, I didn’t sleep well. We hadn’t yet picked up the blackout shades and I woke up to bright morning sunlight in my eyes. We got them the next day and they’re great cuz they’re so easy to open and close. Also, in the mornings, the street in back gets more traffic than in front and some of the louder vehicles are hard to mask with the sound machine. I’ll need to create white noise with an off-dialed station on the stereo, as that seems to do a better job with louder sounds. Never saw or heard that motorcycle diagonally from us so maybe they were just visiting. It sucks that I’m such a light sleeper! I don’t understand why I can’t just tune things out like some others who can sleep through anything.

The rats took the move well. They were anxious to hop out of their cage and explore their new territory. When I was lying on the living room floor playing with them, I looked up and the cathedral ceiling seemed miles away. I should be able to upload some pics on Facebook over the weekend.

Standing against the back wall of the second bedroom and looking straight down the hall to the front wall of the living room makes it seem sooo far away. We’ve definitely got way more space than we’ll ever need. If the giant hutch wasn’t built-in we could sell it since we’ll never have much to put in its 5 long glass-encased shelves, 5 drawers and 5 cabinets. I suppose some of the dolls and knickknacks could go on the shelves, though.

I remembered some things wrong, so I found when I came here for the second time. I thought the bedroom doors were across from each other and that the laundry room door was further down the hall. I also thought the wall between the sunken tub and toilet went all the way to the ceiling but nope. It calls for a vase of flowers or something, but right now my female supplies are on it, LOL. I like the basket of purple flowers she left on a corner of the tub.

Although I usually prefer showers, I hadn’t taken a bath in years due to the trailer’s tub not having a slanted back to lean against. So last night’s jasmine-scented bubble bath in a tub so big it would make a great kiddy pool was a fun and refreshing change.

THURSDAY, JULY 11, 2013 Making my first high-speed connection entry in our new home! It won’t be much of one, though, as I’m so beat and there’s still so much to do. So don’t expect much from me in the next week or two.

It’s great how fast things are when surfing the web after so many years of such a slow, unreliable connection, though I realize that some sites have slow servers, and so our speed doesn’t matter in that case.

While we’re LOVING our new home and all the space, I am both appreciative and pissed at the previous owners. They left a TON of stuff and the place is filthy. Every time I open new closets, drawers or cabinets not yet explored it is with dread due to how much crap I know I may find. Tonight’s regular trash and recyclable pickup, so it’s perfect timing. Yeah, now that we’re back in the city we’ve got to get back in the habit of recycling things. We took in cans and bottles out in the country, but that was about it.

Would love to say more, but gotta vacuum some sections of this seemingly massive house, take my first bath in a million years, then collapse in bed before my feet end up killing me even more if that’s even possible.

TUESDAY, JULY 9, 2013 I want to thank those who have given me kind feedback on various sites about my journal. I never thought that what began as sort of a joke and out of curiosity would become what it is today. Nor would I ever have thought my words would inspire and influence so many others.

I was “kicked” awake by the “dream people” about 5 hours before I intended to get up. Those same dream people that are getting kinda famous in a funny kinda way. Based on the time I went to bed (about 3am) and how backed up I am on sleep and what’s normal sleep patterns for me, I should’ve slept till around noon – 2pm. But they were determined to get my ass up at 8:30 and I don’t know why. I know something’s going down, but I don’t know what. I guess all that could happen is they give us the keys to a house I very well may sell after all the shit I’ve already gone through with it before I could even get a chance to live in it, we get a condo, or we contact a lawyer. I mean what else could the wakeup call mean? Oprah’s not going to call me to come and discuss rats on her show.

Going by the lender’s track record, though, I expect another lame excuse because that’s all they’ve given us so far. I hope it's cuz we've got to move tomorrow, something which I couldn't afford to sleep half the day away if we were to do, but I just can't believe anything till and if I see it where this house is concerned.

MONDAY, JULY 8, 2013 Another day of wondering if we’re going to get the keys to this house we just can’t seem to get into. I am getting so, so sick of being teased with the damn thing. If we’re not meant to have it, I’d really like to know now so we can get our money back and move on. We’ll just remain renters if that’s the case.

Since it hasn’t happened yet I’ll just assume that the answer to my question is “no,” and just deal with it. Guess that’s all I really can do. By Wednesday we’ll know if we’re getting a house or an apartment.

Again I wonder if something up there is involved, and if it is, why is it doing all it can to delay the move? To keep us from something good, or perhaps from something bad?

Tammy shared more pics of her place, both inside and out, and there was even a shot of a shelf with pics set up which there was one I sent her from my late 20s. Wow, was I really that skinny?! Her bathroom comes the closest to my type of colors and styles. We even use the same deodorant, LOL. They even have a boat, though I don’t know what kind or where they take it. The land is absolutely beautiful. She hates the city too, and if there weren’t such a thing as adult communities I wouldn’t be going to one. Or trying to anyway. If we continue renting we’ll stay in rural areas.

Yesterday I got up at 8am, but today I couldn’t pull myself out of bed till 10am, and I’m still kind of tired. Getting up at a decent hour tomorrow is gonna be hell, but it’d be worth it if we had a home to go to. Not gonna count on it, though. I’m tired of getting my hopes up for nothing. Every time I think this is it, it’s not, so I’m not gonna believe a damn thing till I see it.

Kim’s fucking around with me again on Ask. It could be Kathy or someone connected to Molly, but more likely it’s Kim because of the nasty death wishes they had for Aly. Only someone with a ton of rage could say that and we both know Kim is a very angry person, not that we feel a damn bit sorry for her. When you bullshit people they’re going to dump you sooner or later. So if you can’t handle that, then you should’ve thought of that BEFORE you used those you called friends – those that were always good to you – and then lied to them like crazy. Her losing us (and others) is her own fault and her own doing and I have no sympathy for her. If she doesn’t learn how to move on and create friendships based on honesty, that rage is going to consume her to the point where she will either end up funny-farmed or in jail, and she will have no one to blame but herself.

Later…

I am so fucking furious right now it isn’t funny! Last night I had a couple of dreams where Tom and I spoke of other rentals. I didn’t think much of them because one seemed to be in Florida and the other was in Nevada. I should’ve figured they meant something, though, since their latest excuse is that the paperwork was wrong. They screwed up the house’s dimensions and Tom had to sign and return a form they sent him. “You gotta be kidding,” I said. “All this over the fucking dimensions? Who gives a shit whether it’s 62’ long or 58’ long! It’s big! Plenty big for us.”

Tom then emailed Kathy (I’m really getting to hate people with that name) and said we NEED a closing date because this is costing us money. And it is! We have been so, so inconvenienced by this shit and I’m pretty sure we’ll be forced to spend more on propane soon enough, too. Kathy replied saying it’s “guaranteed” to close tomorrow, but I know it’s bullshit and that there’ll be something else. I’m already sure I don’t want this house anymore any way. There’s no trust there anymore and the last thing I want to do is any more business with these incompetent liars. I don’t know who’s doing this to us or why, but it’s probably no one we know personally. I don’t see how it could be. I’m sure it’s just God using them as pawns to fuck us out of yet another dream because He’s obsessed with us remaining renters and in the mainstream where He can put the shittiest, rudest, noisiest neighbors next to us. It’s almost like Maricopa all over again with the fucking lies and delays! Also, I’ve had enough experience to know things wouldn’t change if we suddenly were in the house right now. Instead, something else would just fuck with us if the lenders themselves didn’t come up with some new load of bullshit to hit us with.

Meanwhile, we’re giving them one more day to build a case against themselves with more lies, delays, bullshit and whatever, then Wednesday we’ll be contacting a lawyer for damn sure. All I want is our money back. I do NOT want this house anymore. They have destroyed my dream and taken any excitement and fun that may’ve been left. The problem is God not only loves to see to it that we’re denied our dreams, He loves to protect our perps, too. So I worry that no matter how many lies and false promises we have documented we won’t get our money back. Still, we’ve got to try.

I looked at rentals and right off the bat, I found a gorgeous condo for rent in Fair Oaks. It’s even nicer than the luxury house we were supposed to get, though Tom doesn’t think so, in many ways and for just $800 it’s fully loaded with a stackable washer/dryer, dishwasher and garbage disposal. There’s also a pool. Yes, I know it will be noisy as hell, but I don’t care anymore. I’m tired of tiny dumps! It will be worth the noise to have a little comfort and space in our lives for a change. It’s a 2-bed, 2-bath that’s about twice as big as this trailer. After living so shabbily for so long I don’t care if little kids go running and screaming overhead, or if college kids blast music below us. That’s what sound machines are for. It’s a ground-level unit actually, so we wouldn’t hear anything below us. Just upstairs and next door, and of course there’d be the weekly outside landscaping, but fine. The place is too modern, spacious and nice to care after living like bums for so long. Tom will be taking Wednesday and Thursday off so we can deal with lawyers and trying to get into this place if it’s still vacant by the time we call them. Because we’re all packed and have a lot of money and good credit, we should be able to move in right away.

I blame myself just as much as I blame these shit lenders who suddenly don’t know what the fuck they’re doing now that they’re dealing with Tom and Jodi, despite their rave reviews. I knew damn well we weren’t meant to own. You don’t lose two places in a row if anything up there wants you owning. Why did I think 9 years of renting would suddenly change that? But it’s OKAY. We’ll just get our money back and rent something decent. There are still far more advantages to renting than owning and the space in the condo is more reasonable for us anyway.

Tom filled Jesse in and let him know I’d be sleeping in. I’ll probably sleep till noon. Then anytime after that (if it hasn’t occurred yet) we’ll find out what the latest line of bullshit is that they come up with. Either way, we’re going to sue or sell!

SUNDAY, JULY 7, 2013 Supposedly we’re on for getting the keys tomorrow and moving on Tuesday, but I’ll believe it when I see it. These aren’t friends or people I’ve known for years with nothing to gain by lying to me. These are complete strangers. High-rated business or not, I don’t simply take the word of people I don’t know. Especially when they’ve fallen back on their word 3 times already.

Tammy left a VM with encouraging words, saying we will get the house. I hope so, but if we’re still meant to be renters, we won’t be staying here. That much I do know.

They really piss me the fuck off cuz we’ve been seriously inconvenienced by their incompetence yet no one seems to give a shit as long as they’re not affected by it. I just don’t understand why so many people are so damn dumb and can’t simply do their jobs. Holidays or not, lack of workers or not, people are so damn dumb that I’m almost ashamed and embarrassed for them. Do most people’s brains just not fully develop or something? Typical or not I still feel like something up there is determined to make things hard for us at times. All they had to do was just wire the fucking money and give us the keys. That’s all they had to do. How hard is that compared to Tom building computers and writing programs, Tammy gardening and running a business, and me learning other languages and writing books?!

So is Maliheh now contacting me on Ask? I wonder. They referred to me as “boss.” Well, no one’s ever called me that before and the only one I called boss, due to her bossy attitude, was her. Then my sweet but annoying Serbian friend gave me a thumbs-up icon when I PM’d her to ask if she’d sent me anything anonymously, only to turn around afterward and say sorry she couldn’t get back to me right away, but no, she hasn’t.

Oh well. Whoever it is obviously doesn’t want me knowing who they are, though it’s not like they’ve said anything bad. They’re probably just a random follower of one of my blogs cuz they seem to know enough about what’s going on in my life.

There are definitely other Kathy and Adam haters out there cuz they gave me Adam’s FB link, saying he likes to message young girls, etc. I believe that account, which I discovered by accident, was created to keep tabs on me and I’ve already blocked it. Then I get “Please leave my husband alone,” from Kathy herself. Sure thing. I can ignore those who ignore me.

Anyway, who’s doing what online isn’t important. Interesting and curious maybe, but not important. All that’s important right now is that we get the hell into our fucking house or get our money back! I just want to get on with our lives and stop repeating those “lasts.” We weren’t supposed to ever again do laundry here or vacuum or change the rats’ cage. I’m also not supposed to be worrying about the Jes pest waking me up again either, but with my shit luck he’ll be down tomorrow morning, and I’ll have to once again explain to him that we do have his number and that we’ll call him as soon as we learn anything. Talking to most adults is like talking to little kids, I swear!

Later…

So I saw the Jodi Arias movie and wow. She was a true, honest-to-God stalker with the way she followed Travis and took his picture and all that. That was definitely REAL stalking. But even though Travis certainly didn’t deserve what he got, he sure was a real shit with the way he led her on and played with her head so cruelly. Saying they were in a relationship, then referring to it as their “friendship,” then her as a 3-hole wonder. His “dirty little secret.” He deserved at least the beating she gave him.

While I’m sure they threw things in for “entertainment purposes,” I like that they at least had the guts to expose Travis for the gamer that he was. Had it been me it would have been all about me and how horrible only I was. Travis would’ve been portrayed as a saint and a hero. That’s how it was in my case, even though my case was totally different and no one came remotely close to even slapping anyone let alone being killed. But still it was all about me. Me, me, me. Never once did anyone question the “victim’s” credibility.

So it was nice that they showed both sides for once instead of making it seem like the victim was this total perfect saint who never did a damn thing to provoke anyone. I think that sure, there are plenty of totally innocent victims out there. But sometimes people give others a reason (not that they’re responsible for other people’s actions), to treat them less than kindly. Keep teasing or harassing the tiger and it’s eventually going to pounce. Well, we were tormented by our neighbors way back when and we eventually pounced with city complaints and words in journal excerpts. However, I had no way of knowing at the time that they were friends with a pig who would type a threatening letter to add to the “evidence” after getting my prints on it during our little interrogation party.

But Jodi definitely wasn’t set up for anything or retaliated against in any way. She should’ve just dumped the guy, though I can see her kicking his ass a bit first. Maybe it would’ve made Travis think twice the next time he messed with some girl’s head. If anything, though, this may make more guys think – play with your girl’s head and you just might be taken out for it.

If things really played out like in the movie, though I’m not sure it was really premeditated murder. I think she initially went over to his house to try to win him back, but the text message from the other girl is what set her off in the end, turning it into a crime of passion. To me, it was still 1st-degree murder since she knew what she was doing and all that, and I’m ok with her receiving the death penalty, not that I think she’ll get it.

The funny-mean part was where she sent a naked pic of him with “Like what you see?” to his boss. That was definitely going way overboard and nothing I would ever do, but still kinda funny.

SATURDAY, JULY 6, 2013 When dreams turn into nightmares, one usually needs a backup plan. Throughout the night I thought of what we should do if we don’t get into the house, and at this point, I’m not sure I really even want the house anymore. Their lies and false promises have taken a lot of the excitement out of the whole thing, and as I said before, if we’re getting hell for just trying to get into it, I’d hate to think of how viciously we could be beaten over the head with the place if we actually do get it. Besides, the damn living room alone is as big as this entire trailer and I’d have to live 100 more years to find stuff to fill it with. It’s something like 25x20.

Everyone else is pretty sure it’s just the holidays that have fucked things up and that we’ll still get the keys next week so they can make the money off of us they want to make, but as Tom pointed out when trying to cheer me up, we intend to take advantage of them, in a sense, by paying the loan off real fast. The longer you take to pay off a loan, the more interest you have to pay. A lot of people don’t realize this and the loan companies count on that.

Eileen said she was once in the mortgage business and that these delays happen all the time. I had thought it was just us something was picking on because I’ve never heard similar stories of such headaches and hassles. Well, we’ll find out next week if they’re for real or not.

But what do we do if they’re not? This is what I pondered well into the night last night. I don’t want to stay here even if the Jes pest doesn’t have anyone lined up to take the place. It’s too old, smelly and small, and I can’t stand the shitty Internet connection and the bleach the pest is obsessed with flooding the tanks with every other week or so.

Experience has taught me that we’ll always hear our neighbors whether they’re just beyond the window or the wall. Car doors make up for cabinets and interior doors you hear in attached dwellings. Car stereos make up for house stereos/TVs. Voices replace barking. So since we’re going to hear them whether they’re a wall away or a window away, why not go for a newer, bigger apartment or duplex with an extra room and extra bath? IDK, maybe something’s trying to tell us that renting is economically smarter and safer. We should be able to get something nice enough with pools, fitness rooms and fast interest for around what we pay for this dump. Just something to think about if we’re not meant to be owners.

Later…

Once it cools down a bit more I’m going to go outside and do some running. I’ve been too inactive other than when I’ve been out running errands or packing this place up. There are too many boxes around the treadmill and nowhere to move them to, so I’ll just go outside. I’ll wait another hour when the sun’s almost down but there’s still enough light to see where I’m going in these woods.

This being teased with the house is really pissing me off. It’s putting so many things on hold. We’d just run out of body wash and I figured the timing was perfect cuz we could get new body wash at the new place, but then we had to get our hopes up again for nothing and had to run out and get more. So that’ll be one more thing we’ll have to pack and move. Also, there are things packed away that I didn’t want to have to do without this long and I don’t know where the hell they are. It’s just really fucking frustrating. :(

I slept till 10:30 this morning. Why battle with schedules if there may be no house to move into? Even Tom’s screwing up his schedule. He’s taking a seriously long nap today, but it’s a much-needed and deserved nap.

If we don’t get this house we’ll be here another month or two while we search for an apartment, but at least those are plentiful and pretty easy to get into. Hey, second-best or worst is always easy to get. But it would be a luxury apartment or close to it just like the house would’ve been. Others still think we’re going to get the keys next week, but they’ve let us down too many times for me to buy anything they say.

FRIDAY, JULY 5, 2013 Today’s the day! Or is it? Well, I didn’t have any bad dreams last night, but I don’t like that it’s already after 3pm in the east and nobody’s heard a thing yet. I’m sick of these people taking a leisurely pace at our expense! I swear that if that money isn’t wired today and those keys aren’t in our hands today we’ll be filing lawsuits like crazy, and I mean like crazy!

If I believed in prayer I’d be down on my knees now, but I know that whatever’s meant to be will be. Just knowing there’s a God up there, or whatever you want to call it, that doesn’t want us to have a home in the first place, is a bit unnerving. I try to tell myself it wouldn’t be this mean to us, but I know better. My childhood alone taught me all about God’s hate or at least His general lack of concern for my well-being.

Meanwhile, I’m so damn nervous and excited! I hope this is it – I really do – but people taught me as much as God has and that’s that you can’t always believe a damn thing they say till you see them put their actions where their mouths are.

The Jes pest’s antsy buzzing around on the ATV is making me a bit nervous too, even though he said he was in no hurry when he came down at 10:00 wanting an update. It’s amazing I don’t have the runs!

Later…

The 5th is coming to an end and we’re still living like bums in someone else’s trashy old trailer. Yeah, I fucking want to kill this loan company about as much as I hate the hell out of God! Every time He lets life and the people in it shit on me to such extreme degrees I think it’s not possible to hate the bastard even more than I already do for allowing us to possibly be out 1 house and possibly over 11K, too. It’s the fucking extremes that keep happening to us.

Everyone keeps telling us they’re “keeping on top of things” and even Tom insists we’ll either get the house or our money back, that these things happen, and that they’re not scammers. They’ve actually been in business for decades and have great ratings. Oh, I don’t doubt they’re competent enough with other people, but as soon as the bastard above sees that it’s Tom and Jodi daring to reach for their dream home, He must, must, must make sure they fuck with us. This is NOT normal. So many people keep telling me these hassles, delays and headaches are “normal” when buying a house, but Andy had no problem getting into his condo and I honestly can’t think of anyone who’s ever gone through this. Trust me, this only happens to us.

I should’ve known better than to bother trying. After losing two places in two states I knew damn well we weren’t meant to ever own again, but I thought we could defy fate and get our way in the end. Wrong. When have I ever been “allowed” to have a dream come true? While I eventually lost interest in my old dreams, they still never had a fighting chance of becoming a reality while they were what I wanted. So why did I think this did? Because it’s a material thing? Well, all that better materialize, if the house doesn’t, is our money back! Oh, but God not only loves to have me fucked over, folks, He also loves to protect my perps. And Tom’s too, as long as he’s married to me. Even though we have signed documents in hand, I’m sure God will find a way for them to win and keep our money if we really don’t get the house next week. And why should I think we will? First it was last week, then today, now it’s Monday or Tuesday, and as far as I’m concerned it’s all bullshit without ever having those keys in our hand.

I’m thankful that Jesse has been such a good sport about this and very understanding. As annoying as he can be, I gotta give him that much credit. The question is whether or not he’s got someone lined up to take this place. If he does then we’ll have to find another rental, cuz if we don’t get the house (and I have no reason to believe we will) I sure as hell won’t ever try to own anything again. I’m not going to struggle for something that simply isn’t meant to be. If we can be “punished” like this just for trying to get into a house, I truly hate to think of what it would have been like for us had we actually gotten it. I’m getting to where I don’t want the fucking house. I don’t want to do business with such incompetent people, God-influenced or not.

The question is where do we go if my worst fears come true? We both agree that if we have to remain in the mainstream, we’ll stick with rural areas. We’ll probably either have to stay here or get another similar dump because renting anything bigger or nicer would be around $1500 a month and I don’t want to spend that much. This state, which we never should’ve moved to, is outrageously expensive. If we can get our money back, another option is to just leave Cali altogether but we don’t want him throwing away such a good job. He makes money most people can only dream of and I’m amazed God even let us have that much in life.

I’m just totally pissed off and a little depressed right now. I could kick myself for trying to see if the grass is greener on the other side. Obviously, it’s not and obviously, this is where we’re meant to be. Hell, we couldn’t even lose the place when our lovely government gave up on us. Maybe I should’ve just been more appreciative of what we do have than what we could have. Yeah, the Internet sucks shit. It’s slow and unreliable. But it’s the Internet nonetheless. Some people don’t even have that much in life. And yeah, Jesse’s a pest at times. But he’s still a sufficient enough landlord, we know the guy, and he knows us. And yeah, the place is small and old. But it’s better than being homeless. So here we’ll stay and after work on Monday, after what will no doubt be another round of false promises (this time it was about being short-staffed cuz of the holiday), Tom will file suit and hope to hell we can get the money back. It was too late in the day on a Friday for any kind of claims to be made today.

It’s gonna be a long, depressing weekend trying to wrap my head around the fact that this was all one big joke on us, but I will bring myself to unpack next week, clean the place up, and life will go on. It really will! Even if that means we’ve been put out big time and have to now deal with calling the propane people out and ugh! I don’t even want to think about it right now. I just want to take the weekend off from thinking about hopeless dreams, God’s hate for us that I can’t even begin to fathom, and the whole damn thing. There is still a lot of good to renting and it won’t kill us to keep on doing it. Even the poor rats were put out by my daring to dream cuz I put them in a smaller cage. But they were only supposed to be cramped in there for a day or two. Tomorrow I’ll set back up the bigger cage for them.

Some people are allowed to get their dream home and my sister’s one of them. She showed me pics of her place. It’s very rustic but stylish looking. That big old dog of hers looks a bit scary, though!

THURSDAY, JULY 4, 2013 Today sure is a helluva lot better than yesterday was! I’m not as pissed at whatever’s up there, but I still worry it’s going to mess with us at the new place. That’s ok, though. I’d rather things go wrong there than here, and “there” is exactly where we’re going tomorrow!

When Tom didn’t get a reply from Brenda yesterday evening when he emailed her asking about the keys, we figured she’d already taken off for the holiday. Turns out she replied right after he crashed, which was early as usual. She said we’d get the keys on Friday as soon as the wire transfer went through! So this is our last day here! It BETTER be anyway, cuz if there are any more delays I swear we’ll sue!

It gets better. When Tom was going through the kitchen drawer he found one of the gas gift cards from the camping prize pack I won a while back. He figured there were just a few cents on it but when he checked online he found it had $100! So once we get to the new place we get about a month of free gas! I hadn’t even been up for an hour and already the day was going great! I updated my closest buddies, of course, like Andy and Nane.

Yesterday I was so bummed out to think we might not get out of here till next week and I even said to Tom, “I should’ve known whatever’s up there was just out to scare us a couple of years ago and that it wouldn’t really drive us to our deaths. Like we could ever lose a place we didn’t want to be in?”

Then when I woke up tired at 7am this morning, it sucked to know I had to get up early for at least 4 more days. But tomorrow I can sleep in cuz it may not be till 5pm when he gets here with the truck and keys. There are 3 places he can go in case the first one doesn’t have a truck available. He thinks it will take 2 hours to load and 2 to unload. I think it’ll take 3 to load and 2 to unload.

I can’t wait to have so much space and two bathrooms! I can’t wait to have a fast Internet connection, too! Nothing good comes easy to us and we may always have to fight for things, but we do get them in the end. Most of them anyway.

I can’t wait to be able to go back to work. Gonna get back into sweeping, work the Turk, and get on with my writing. I know I could’ve done my writing anywhere, even here with a shitty connection, but it was just too hard to focus on anything but getting out of here.

Now it’s time to get on with our lives and on to new worries for me, like will I be able to sleep ok there? Will it be as peaceful as I hope it is during the daytime? I’m still nervous as I am excited. It’s going to take time getting used to being surrounded by so many people after years of being isolated in the woods.

Tom just came in to say that instead of getting the connection that’s 30 times faster, the one we’re getting (at least for the first few months when it’s cheapest) is 80 times faster. OMG! Don’t know what time this shit connection’s going to be shut down tomorrow, but if it’s earlier, and if I don’t get a chance to check in from the new place, I’ll do so as soon as I can.

It’s so cool to finally have a date and know that tonight will be the last time we sleep here. Tomorrow will be the last time I shower here. That is as long as the propane doesn’t run out. We haven’t heard the tank fire up in days now which probably means it’s on its way out.

I’ll probably be too excited to sleep that late, so as soon as I can I’ll jump up and do the last-minute preparations. I can’t wait!

Meanwhile, I’ll just read, listen to music, and enjoy the last of the groceries we picked up this morning.

Later…

Although I would never want to be the guy’s friend again any more than Kevin’s “Nervous” if he were still alive, I tried looking up Fran P, a crazy guy I knew back in Springfield. I just get curious at times as to who’s doing what and where. But it was like the guy didn’t exist. Because he was crazy, crazy enough to throw a glass bottle at a cruiser as he told me he once did, I figured there was a possibility he could be in prison.

Maybe even for rape. During the brief time Andy lived with me in my Springfield apartment back in the early 90s, he was out somewhere when Fran started getting a little too close for comfort. Suddenly Andy came in from wherever he’d been and I found myself feeling a sense of relief I’d never before felt with Fran even though I’d been alone with him enough times in the past. Who knows how far he’d have gone if Andy hadn’t come in when he did, though I probably could’ve fought the crazy fuck off.

Oh, the people I would be quick to be friends with back then. It seems like I’d be anyone’s friend. I had zero discrimination. But eventually, people taught me just how phony and cruel they can be and I became picky about who I’d associate with. Had I met Fran and Nervous in my late 20s, there’s no way in hell I’d bother with them.

Anyway, tomorrow’s the day Fran died back in 2011, though I don’t know why. He was 48, just a year older than me. I don’t miss him and I don’t feel bad that he died relatively young, but I definitely settled my curiosity.

WEDNESDAY, JULY 3, 2013 Didn’t write yesterday cuz I was just too stressed out and couldn’t focus much on anything. I didn’t even do much proofreading. Instead, I ended up watching a total of 3 movies on YouTube. If the resolution is low enough, even those of us out in the country can stream them.

I stressed up such an appetite that after Tom grabbed some KFC at the end of the day, I ended up eating 4 pieces of chicken (legs), a side of mac-n-cheese, a biscuit and a cookie.

If we don’t get the keys to our new home today we just may go from comfortable to rich cuz we’ll sue the shit out of this loan company if we have to. We double-checked and the BBB lists them as top-notch, so we’ll see. We may not be able to move till tomorrow if we get the keys too late to get a truck today, but the 3rd is what’s on the paperwork everyone signed, so we’ll see. We don’t see why they’d want to cost themselves more money and back out at this point, but if they do they have to pay us back every dime we spent and I am NOT starting the process all over again! If it turns out that this is where we’re meant to spend our lives, so be it. We’ve lived like bums in other people’s dives for nearly a decade now, so it’s nothing new.

I knew it, though. I knew the bastard above would do everything He could to stall and delay the move; I just didn’t know it’d be this late in the process. I don’t understand why anything up there would not want us to have a decent home to live in. We’re not murderers. We got the place honestly. So what is its problem??? Why is it so important to whatever’s trying to hold us back that we live so poorly?

Yesterday I feared history was trying to repeat itself. It just got a little too Maricopa-like with the delays and then the fear of someone coming to turn our lives in our new home into a living nightmare once we finally got there just like 14 years ago. But there’s no way this is going to take 4 months because this is a totally different situation. We’re not waiting on land permits and dealing with wells, septics and utilities. Also, we haven’t had any black people close enough to us to play the race card and make us victims of reverse discrimination in any way, so I guess the worst that could happen is that the loaners call it off and we continue to live in this undersized dump. But nothing up there hates us that much, right? Right? Well, we should know in just a matter of hours.

Later…

I am so fucking pissed and right now I really, REALLY hate holidays, weekends, lenders, realtors, and most of all – God. The same old God who could’ve seen to it that things ran smoothly for us yet chooses to sit back and let all kinds of delays keep us trapped here and out of the new home we so richly deserve. Funny thing too, cuz a friend of mine said she prayed for things to continue to go as planned and on schedule. Well, once again it just goes to prove there either is no God, or He has it in for some of us. That’s ok, though, we’ll eventually beat the bastard at His own game. Still, I cringe when someone says they’ve prayed for me cuz I know that chances are that will only make things worse for me. If my theory is correct, then the mere mention of my name is only going to get Him going even more (in a bad way).

I’m not good with explaining the process of buying homes and knowing what words and terms to use when it comes to money, financing, interest rates and lenders. I just don’t get that stuff like Tom does. So even though what he says makes sense when he’s explaining it to me, afterward I’m like, what the fuck was that all about? What did he say about this, this and that? My territory is basically writing and languages, not numbers and money.

But to try to explain what’s going on as best as I can, although they screwed up by putting the 3rd on the paperwork, the 3 days they legally have by law from when our money was sent and we signed the escrow papers, didn’t start the day the papers were actually signed. What this means is that they have until Friday (since tomorrow’s a fucking holiday) to wire the funds to the park and escrow people. Even worse is that we’re not sure we can get the keys the same day, and since the next day is the weekend, we could very well be looking at being stuck here until Monday. Then who knows what further delays there could be? I just know that I won’t believe we’re getting out of here till we actually receive the damn keys. Right now I can’t trust or believe a damn thing anyone tells us. If they don’t pay up by Friday, then we legally have a claim against them and can begin filing suit. I’ve always wanted to sue someone, almost as much as I’ve wanted to win the lottery. The problem is I don’t want to go through the hell I’d have to go through in order to have a case in the first place.

“We were given up on by the system and left for dead,” Tom reminded me, referring to the fall of 2011, “but we fought back, beat the system, and we WILL get this house no matter how frustrating the delays may be.”

Damn right we will! I won’t hesitate to sue if need be. I swore I’d never let what happened in Arizona scare me out of doing what’s right. If you fuck with me, believe me when I say I’ll have you beating your head in the wall so damn fast, muttering, “Why the hell did I bother with her?” I won’t care what your color is, what your job is, or how much money you have either.

I won’t know until Thursday night or when I awake on Friday morning if we’re getting the keys that day. Yeah, they’re back. The worthless dream premonitions are back. I figured they would be sooner or later. Again, we may have dry patches, but we don’t dry up altogether. The reason I call them worthless is that that’s exactly what they are. Whether I have a dream about something destined to come true a week in advance or a day in advance, it doesn’t change whatever’s fated to be. I don’t remember the details of last night’s dreams; just talk of delays. I didn’t want to write about it at first, thinking maybe if I wrote about it I’d really jinx it into happening, though deep down I knew better. Still, I kept hoping all day I’d be wrong, though I did email Tom and let him know what the “dream people” said. I knew, though, that we wouldn’t get the keys today. I just didn’t “feel” them, if that makes any sense. I try to ask myself if I can see myself doing/receiving a certain thing and I find that I can usually go by that. Well, I just couldn’t see us getting the keys and I didn’t feel us moving today at all.

I was reading a book about a psychic like me who spoke of learning to tell which dreams were just dreams and which ones meant something, and she described them as being those that stick with her that usually have meaning of some kind, and I swear I myself could’ve written that book.

I also saw a movie based on actual events about a psychic who has visions of murder and later went to work for the PD. So she’s a different kind of a psychic than I am, but we all learn things about our abilities over time. Our strengths, weaknesses, limits and more. Most of my dream premonitions are usually negative things, and they usually happen within 72 hours of the dreams, some as little as 12 or less. Every now and then I’ll have dreams that I don’t know are actual signs as to what’s going to happen in the future, but those are usually the positive things.

Anyway, while things could be much, much worse, all these delays really suck shit. Not just for obvious reasons – big reasons – but the little things as well. Now I have to battle my schedule even longer, which is getting increasingly harder to control. I’m also falling out of shape because boxes are stacked around my treadmill and there’s no room to use it, so I try to do some floor exercises with what little space I can find.

I just hope I’m not going to end up regretting this whole ordeal. I know we deserve it and have earned it, but something up there obviously thinks otherwise. Something with a helluva lot more power and control than we’ve got. Still, I hope I don’t regret it. I don’t like it but I’ve lived in tiny dumps for nearly a decade now. It’s nothing new. If we don’t end up getting this house for some reason, this is where we’re staying for the rest of our lives. At that point, unless Jesse evicts us, I’m not going anywhere.

They’re going to reimburse us for days not spent in the house, and this shit hasn’t cost us money yet, but it very well could end up doing just that. If this keeps dragging on we’ll need more propane, and sooner or later, Jesse’s going to ask for money.

TUESDAY, JULY 2, 2013 Getting more convinced that something up there is doing all it can possibly do to delay the move. Now we’re supposedly not moving till tomorrow, but I’ll believe it when I see it. I’m waiting till the end of the day to shower in case we run out of propane. I wouldn’t want to deal with the horrible stench alone cuz then Tom couldn’t simply run out and grab a 5-gallon tank’s worth. It better not come to that! Then we’d be losing money to this shit. Why must people be so damn incompetent?! Why can’t they just do their fucking jobs?! They’re paying us for every lost day in the park, but what happens if we exceed the 5th, which is the day we put in writing for Jesse that we’d be out of here by?

And why was the Arizona Supreme Court in my blog yesterday? Should I be worried? I guess I’m not as worried as I would be if the pigs were in it, but then again I refuse to worry either way. I don’t live in Arizona and I haven’t done anything wrong. My Estrella Jail bio entry, which has been there for years, has been hit a lot lately in various states and even some other countries which I figured was due to the Jodi Arias trial making headlines so often. We have the same name, we spell it the same way, and we were in the same jail.

But the Supreme Court? Was it just a bored or curious employee? I don’t see how it could be anyone gearing up to make trouble for me cuz wouldn’t it be civil or criminal court and not the Supreme Court? It was just a little strange because I worry about God sending someone to fuck with us and turn our lives in our new home into a living nightmare like He did in Maricopa, but I’m not too worried about it. I’m too smart to let the law railroad me, and unless they literally kicked their way in, dragged me into jail, and held me there, no one’s getting me into any kind of court no matter how many warrants or subpoenas may be out there. From what I can tell, though, there are no warrants out for my arrest or anything like that.

I still wonder out of curiosity, though; how did they get to my blog and what were they looking for? It was the only entry they accessed and no time registered on the counter.

Ugh, damn my perps for making me so paranoid!

MONDAY, JULY 1, 2013 I’m so fucking pissed right now I could scream! But we knew things would go wrong sooner or later. Well, it’s actually not that they’re going wrong so much is that they’re being delayed. Now we can’t get out of here till tomorrow or Wednesday, cuz the loan people need the signed and notarized papers before they can transfer the money. They’ll be sending us a check for any days not spent in the park this month, which is good, but what’s not good is that it just adds more waiting time for us. Just like with Maricopa, I wonder if something up there is trying to stop us, and if so, why? To protect us from something bad, or to keep us from something good?

Well, we’re guaranteed to be out of here by Wednesday at the latest cuz that’s the max date on the paperwork. It’d cost them a helluva lot of money if it went beyond the 3rd, not to mention that Tom and I would be suing them silly if they kept adding all these little delays. Tom was smart enough to tell Jesse we’d be out by the 5th, giving us that extra cushion we did need after all.

It’s still a bummer, not just because we’ve been anxious to get into our new home, but because we now have to move after Tom’s worked all day (though he’ll probably be able to get off early), and I have to battle with my schedule even longer. I’m glad we won’t lose any money over this and that at worst it’s just another hassle and inconvenience sent from above to annoy the shit out of us for daring to upgrade to better living quarters. The living quarters it never thought we deserved no matter how hard we work or how bad life shits on us.

I was telling Andy how quiet it’s been here, which is typical of right before we leave a place for some reason, and how we haven’t even heard the Harley, but sure enough, the Jes pest is back at the hammering again this morning. Fortunately, we can’t hear it indoors because we’ve got the cooler and fans blaring due to the heat.

If history repeats itself and whoever we end up next to is quiet, within a year they’ll either get noisy or they’ll move and noisy neighbors will replace them. I’m just glad that they can’t be noisy in a mainstream kind of way! I know I’m not going to have to listen to 12 hours of barking, 5-hour basketball games with kids screaming just outside our windows, and loud car stereos coming and going, and of course the rowdy barbecue parties, too. But I still expect some distractions in the way of car doors slamming, mutts barking by when they’re being walked, landscaping, etc. Hopefully nothing too distracting. Remember, I do work at home. I just hope I can sleep there! That’s the most important thing. So I’m still nervous and excited at the same time, but for today I’m pissed and impatient.

Later…

Since we’re not going anywhere today, we decided to get out and enjoy a little retail therapy and fast food. I tried their bourbon bacon burger at Carl’s Jr. and it was ok. A little tangy, but ok.

We browsed through a dollar store nearby where I got rose-scented air freshener. Rose isn’t my favorite scent but it’s something different that I haven’t had in a while so I grabbed a bottle. We also got a couple of small scented soap dispensers for the bathrooms in the new house if we can ever get into it.

As always, I tried on perfume testers both at the dollar store and CVS where we went next. There I got new soft pink slippers and a pink cap with silvery sequins. I’m not big on hats, but since I’ll be out more often I thought it would be nice to have and it really is pretty, too. I saw these caps a couple of years ago and liked them then but was too broke to get one at the time.

But now we still have over 8K in all our accounts and a home we can’t get into yet even though the down payment was a little more than expected at 11K. Even so, we’ve been looking to get a second vehicle and checked out various options online. You can even get an old U-Haul for just 2-3 grand. But we were thinking more along the lines of the 1997 Mercedes Benz we saw for 4K. We don’t want anything appealing to thieves, though one that old shouldn’t be. I don’t know for sure that that’s what we’ll get.

Being the nail polish addict that I am, I got a few new shades in bright reddish-orange, mint green, and sparkly pink. Lastly, I got one of those spinners with a clear crystal and a pink crystal that you hang outside.

[thegenderfluidace]

Whoops accidental vent below the line

Why is it now, when I’m about to go to sleep, that I feel the best I’ve probably felt all day

And not, I don’t know, before work where I had a mental breakdown and it was just very lucky that my mum was driving me to work because I had a migraine so she went in and told whoever was closing that I could not in fact work tonight because I was crying in the car

Like I’m pretty sure today, this week, was doomed to failure.

Like today we took my cat to the vet for her first ever check up(where she was in fact(surprisingly) a very good girl, no hissing, scratching, growling, biting, she was a very good kitty for them and we got new cat treats that hopefully she does actually really like and have her one as a good job you were good kitty) but I ended up having more anxiety there then her, she’s healthy and perfectly fine, got some shots, vaccines and stuff, and she didn’t even flinch when getting em and I physically could not look at the needles

And then after that had to go to my (ex) best friend’s farewell thingy(thing Mormons have before they go on there mission) she used to be my best friend for years and then she just kept not wanting to plan things and when we did she’d always flake and she’d never respond when I’d message her anymore and she just became a really sucky friend

We couldn’t even stay there long(not that I really wanted to) cause I had work, but cause neither me nor my mum are Mormon and my dad doesn’t even really remember much of what he did when he was, apparently we went there underdressed because everyone else was wearing like suits and dresses and there were so many people, it was stupid and stressful and I hated it. I didn’t want to be there, only fun part was when her friend was talking about 3d printing and showing us pics of his cats(they are so freaking cute, and he was genuinely an actually really nice person) but everything else? Awful, hated it. Didn’t even wanna go.

Day was just way too much for me, woke up with a migraine(which has been continuous for about a week+ish, and surprise gets worse with stress), and then it was cat vet appointment, and then friend thing, which made me stressed and it was making me nauseous so I couldn’t even really take anything for it, and since it was bad enough wasn’t really a great idea for me to drive so asked my mum to take me to work which on the way I did my not really effective coping skill of distract and it’ll maybe go away(which is where I realized the trees looked like they had a bunch of tiny cauliflowers and looked at the baby sheep/sheep that we drive by on my way there(which while saying that if you haven’t seen a baby sheep irl that is so very sad and I feel that needs to be fixed so go find a baby sheep and look at it, I promise it(momentarily) makes everything better) and then when we pulled into the work parking lot we saw that it was the manager that could throw me all off on a good day which it was so not smoking outside and that was when it alllll went downhill. Cause I was not feeling at all better and I knew if she said the wrong thing today I would have a mental breakdown at work and I was so not for that. So instead I had a mental breakdown and panic attack inside the car while my mum went inside to go tell her that I would not be able to work tonight but that I very much tried to actually work tonight(which I did, I genuinely tried so hard to be able to get through today and I just couldn’t) so yep crying in the car in my works parking lot, and proceed to apologize for literally everything and continue to cry and breakdown and then get home cuddle with cats for a bit and then went downstairs to my room to cry and breakdown some more and then take a nap

But now after literally everything I’m feeling okayish now? When I really don’t need to cause imma sleep???

Maybe it’s cause I actually ate and drank some water and took migraine meds which should hopefully help soonish but it’s still annoying

And the reason this week is fated for failure?

I still have so much to do this week and I feel so sucky

And as if life just wanted to laugh in my face I don’t have therapy this week because she’s currently out of state

We knew she was gonna be when we were scheduling therapy but then everything started coming up and it all just so happened to be the week she isn’t here

Lovely. Fantastic. Amazing.

Life was for real like ‘yknow that one week where the person in charge of helping to make sure they don’t absolutely lose it is out of state? Yeah let’s go put all the stressful bad stuff that week. Even better if most of it is literally right before the day they would have therapy just to help point out that they currently do not have it for this one week’

Absolutely great day(not)

Gonna sleep now and hope this week doesn’t suck too much but probably still will!

[teenmomcentral]

Here are some of the major (and minor but interesting) ‘Teen Mom’-related things that happened over the last few days...

Leah Messer Passed Her Real Estate Exams; Her Sister Victoria Says “In Your Face” to Leah’s Haters 

Leah announced on Wednesday that she has officially passed both of the exams required to become a real estate agent in her home state.

Leah celebrated the achievement by posting a pic from one of her many, many professional photoshoots, captioning it with her achievements, which now include completing the Real Estate Salesperson Exam.

Over the past few years, Leah has shared her desire to enter the real estate world, but during a 2022 episode of ‘Teen Mom 2,’ Leah attempted to take one of her required tests but was unable to, due to a “system flaw.” Leah was criticized months later for still not taking the test. 

Last month, though, Leah told her Instagram followers that she had passed the state portion of her real estate exam, but still needed to pass the national portion of the test. 

West Virginia requires that its real estate sales agents complete 90 hours of coursework before they can even take the exam. The four classes required are Real Estate Principles & Practices (30 hours); Real Estate Law (20 hours); Real Estate Finance (20 hours); and Real Estate Appraisal (20 hours). The applicant must score at least 70% or higher in each class in order to be eligible to take the exam. 

Now that Leah has passed both the state and national portions of her exam, she has 90 days to apply for her real estate agent license. 

Leah’s sister, Victoria Messer, took to Instagram on Wednesday to not only congratulate her sister but to also drag all of the nay-sayers who didn’t believe Leah would actually complete the task she set out to do. Victoria told the haters that she is very proud to say Leah, did, indeed, “finish through” her exams. 

“This is for all you a**holes who like to troll the Internet and for the a**holes outside the Internet that liked to talk s**t and say she wouldn’t ever finish through with her real estate, y’all all just got smack in the face!” Victoria wrote in the caption of Leah’s “businesswoman” headshot. “As of today she has PASSED and she is now entering the real estate world!”

Victoria then seemed to get in a dig at Leah’s ex-husband, Jeremy Calvert, by implying that Leah takes care of their daughter, Addie, solo.

“Soo beyond proud of her for accomplishing this and taking care of her three girls and one child she takes care of all by herself and doing a damn good job! Keep going, keep shining, keep growing!! Love you infinity.”

Ashley Jones’ Mom, Tea Chapple, is Getting a Divorce

‘Teen Mom’ grandma Tea Chapple is getting back into the dating scene. 

According to The Sun, the mom of Ashley Jones filed for divorce from her husband, Roosevelt Chapple, last week. 

Tea has since gone on to confirm the news herself on social media. 

“Many thought I would never do it but I love myself more… I filed for divorce,” she wrote on Facebook. “I thank Yah for the strength it took. Long overdue and thankful I’m escaping with my sanity and what’s left of my heart.” 

As viewers saw on a recent episode of ‘Teen Mom: The Next Chapter,’ Tea told Ashley that she had also been “constantly fighting” with Ashley’s stepdad and was concerned about the impact it was having on Ashley’s younger sister Rosie.

According to court papers obtained by The Sun, Tea is requesting sole custody of the couple’s 11-year-old daughter Rosie. She is also asking for $512 a month in child support, and $300 a month in spousal support for the next four years. Tea stated that a visitation schedule for Rosie and Roosevelt has already been established.

Surprisingly, Shen Williams— the mother of Ashley’s husband Bar Smith, shared some kind words with Tea this week regarding her recent split. 

“Prayers to her I been there,” she commented on the @TeenMomFanz‘ Instagram post about the divorce. “When I went thru it I took a beating publicly and I’m private. I would never wish this on anyone nor should they endure judgement. Prayers for her healing.” 

Cory Wharton Wants to Have More Kids With His Girlfriend Taylor Selfridge

Cory says his baby-making days are far from over. 

In a new interview with The Sun, the father of three revealed recently that he wants to have more children with girlfriend Taylor Selfridge, who made her return to ‘Teen Mom’ this season

“I definitely want another kid or two,” Cory revealed. 

As fans of ‘Teen Mom’ (or The Challenge) already know, Cory and Taylor are parents to two daughters: three-year-old Mila and one-year-old Maya. Cory also shares six-year-old daughter Ryder with ex Cheyenne Floyd. 

While Cory is currently living that #GirlDad life, he says he’s determined to father a son. 

“I want a boy. You guys know I need my boy,” Cory said. “So it needs to happen.” 

Cory seemed to insist that this need to father a son is partially due to Ryder recently telling him that she didn’t want to play sports and instead, wants to pursue singing and dancing. 

“I said, ‘Oh my heart!’ But I’m going to support her no matter what,” he said. 

While Cory plans to continue adding to the population in the near future, he doesn’t plan to put a ring on Taylor’s finger anytime soon. 

“No, we’re good right now, but we got some things coming out in the future,” he said. 

Former ‘Teen Mom 2’ Grandpa Eddie Rivera Has Remarried

Jo Rivera‘s pops is once again a married man. 

The former ‘Teen Mom 2’ grandpa shared photos to Facebook over the weekend featuring he and his new bride at their wedding.

(Jo nor his wife, Vee Torres, have posted any photos of the newlyweds’ nuptials to their own socials.)

According to the couple’s wedding website, Eddie married a woman named Ysabel, and the nuptials took place in Union, New Jersey, on Saturday, September 16.

Longtime fans of 16 and Pregnant and ‘Teen Mom 2’ may remember Eddie and then-wife, Janet Mantalvo, often appearing alongside Jo and Kail on the show. The couple’s other son, Junior Rivera, was also featured in early seasons. 

Eddie and Janet divorced in the early 2010s. Janet has not remarried.

[allherfaeriesmeetinjuly]

this week recap because it is absolutely necessary

mon: good day actually; every monday is. got a beautiful scrumptious breathtaking 8 in science class, FULL MARKS !! edited 4 english the whole night. pajama day

tues: morning 4:20; finished editing for english — having trouble sending the file to dr. not showering, yet. so sleeping sideways on the bed and then showering 2 hrs later, at 6:50 am. late but not really, i had a field trip that day. science cooking field trip — made pad see ew and spring rolls really well. went out to feed some fish, got my matcha latte, played cards, went back to school, slept next to Her, mandarin ASA + gossip, finished the written proposal becuz apparently i forgot.

weds: career day! slept at 2 (early) dressed as a “writer” CAS day or service action day. went to my class and wrote some meaningless poetry + journaling. went in the library and talk w Her and LV. made some posters. bought canva pro (cancel it before next month!!) boring assembly, talked with them much more.

thurs: character day. dressed as wednesday while LV as enid. love finding people w different styles tbh. very cool day. did absolutely nothing.. ooh! had a conversation abt AI in education and how that affects future career prospects. played card games. downloaded restaurant dash or gordon ramsay is surprisingly nice but like nice nice in this (he does not talk like that.) took vids and pics, i cannot deny it anymore i am turning into those taking tiktoks in the bathroom and occupying all the space girlies. ♡

friday: today! we’re having a gender reveal party apparently, a birthday shower (theme)? rcl is the mum. i wore pink for the festivities (girl). i don’t get the gender binary thing but oh well. ITS A GIRL (update). (also update) I GOT ALL 8’S FOR MY VIDEO ESSAY !!! YES!! i’m so happy so so definitely proud of myself for all the hard work i did. it paid off so well. i love u. also played a ton of card games <33. lana’s ocean blvd how can i forget??? i forgot my headphones so i literally cannot wait to go home to listen to it omg i’m so excited. also I LoVE Her. can u make me forget? i love her.

[sie-rui]

❀ HANMA AS YOUR BOYFRIEND | TOKYO REVENGERS 🤍 hanma shuuji 💿 gender neutral, second pov (you/your), fluff, boyfriend headcanon 📅 may 31, 2021 🔗 main

headcanon about you and your fun-loving boyfriend that knows not to drag you into danger.

☆ Hanma Shuuji as your boyfriend is one of the most dangerous and yet sweetest things in the world, mostly because Hanma’s an unpredictable zombie that would drag you out to do something insane.

☆ He doesn’t always do that, of course. Hanma’s not stupid enough to actually endanger you. He actually loves you, thank you very much.

☆ I think Hanma’s the kind of guy who’ll know what you want. From your fashion sense, to your usual order at random restaurants/fast-food joints, and even how you like your coffee.

☆ It’s a little disorienting since the two of you are standing in front of the cashier one day and before you can even speak up, Hanma’s already listing whatever you’re craving for that day even when you didn’t say anything.

☆ Surprisingly, Hanma likes those couple/matching things. When you look in your closet one day, you have five different shirts that match his and you have matching necklaces. You don’t even know when that appeared in your closet.

☆ Likes playing little games with you, board games or nintendo doesn’t matter. All that matters is that he cheats on it for fun and to see your frustrated face.

“You cheated!”

“No I didn’t.”

“You did!”

“Did not.”

“You did!”

☆ You have this little bickers that ends up with you laughing because Hanma tickles your sides to make you shut up and forget about his little cheating.

☆ He does tell you of it days later when you already forget about it. So you just go ??? And Hanma will only laugh, triumphant. He’ll do it again.

☆ He acts really respectful to your parents which just wows you. He got scolded because of the tattoos but that’s about it. At some point, he even knew when their birthdays were.

☆ He definitely sends you random pictures. Sometimes, he tells you that they remind him of you, most times it’s random.

“What’s this?”

“A duck.”

“...”

“...”

“Why?”

☆ You never do know which is which. You do wish that the picture of the duck was random though.

☆ Sometimes, he suddenly picks you up by your waist out of nowhere. You stay like that for a few seconds before he puts you down again.

☆ You still hadn’t gotten an explanation why he does that.

☆ Swings your hands when your fingers are intertwined and the two of you are taking a random stroll in the park for the fun of it.

☆ Hanma likes taking walks with you and pointing out random things. As well as taking little pictures of you when you aren’t aware.

☆ Instagram pics. Try to fight me if you think that Hanma isn’t updated on Instagram and his profile mostly doesn’t have pictures of you and him doing the most random things. Sometimes, you’re not even aware that he took said pictures.

“I look like an idiot.”

“You always do, hun.”

☆ Hanma doesn’t speak much, and when he does, it’s something really sweet or a tease directed right at you. He prefers to show how much he loves you with his little actions that you almost don’t notice since he does it so subtly.

☆ Lends you his jacket. He doesn’t get it back. Hanma doesn’t quite mind.

☆ Hanma isn’t restricting. As long as you don’t hurt yourself somewhere, he’s fine with whatever. He knows that you won’t cheat on him, he’s just that confident. (If you do end up cheating, Hanma would also be expecting that.)

☆ Definitely messages you a lot. Mostly random and about the stupidest of things.

[ The weather forecast said that it wasn’t going to rain today. Those bastards. ]

☆ He loves running around at night, playing a mix of hide-and-seek and tag with you all around the city. He did it twice, he can do it again.

☆ When the two of you finally come home, the both of you are out of breath and animatedly talking about something either of you did.

☆ Overall, Hanma is actually a pretty great boyfriend who wants you to enjoy your time together. He’ll love you and he’ll make sure you know it.