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wirewitchviolet · 4 months ago

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I hate Steam, and it's weird that you don't.

Easily, hands down, the single worst piece of software I have ever had on any computer is Steam, the game shopping/library/I-guess-social-media-app? from Valve that I'm fairly certain anyone who has ever used a personal computer to play a video game within the past, what, 20 years or so, is quite familiar with. It's ubiquitous. People have a level of affection for it they get kinda frighteningly weird about. But it is honestly JUST THE WORST, and I'm going to ramble about why for a good bit under the fold here.

I hate Steam as a store.

Primarily, Steam is a storefront. If I want to purchase a game to play on my computer I can, and often have to, either launch this here app or use the same credentials on a website, where I can fill in my credit card info and, one would assume, get a copy a game I can then install and play. But uh... while this is nowhere near the top of my personal list of issues with Steam, it is worth noting that that is not actually the nature of such a transaction, really.

What I am really paying for, in practice, is for whatever game it is to be "activated in my Steam library." That means I can then open the Steam app, pick that game off a list, and click a download button, which WILL grab all of that game's files from a server and copy them onto my computer, but not in the form of an executable application I can move around and properly back up and launch on its own. Rather, what I have downloaded is a plug-in for the Steam app that will let me launch that game from within the Steam app, if the Steam app is currently connected to the internet and having a good day. In every other context where any other piece of software pulls that kind of crap, everyone quite rightfully throws a fit over it, and frequently will outright refuse. Sometimes things go to court over companies insisting on this weird level of control and spying over the files people have on their own computers. I have plenty to get into about this later, but I'm still not done griping about Steam as a store.

Because see, sometimes, exchanging money for a game to be activated in a steam library doesn't even work. For whatever reason that I'm sure makes sense to someone's accountant, activation of a game in a steam library is based on the use of I want to say 16 character unique "activation keys," and sometimes they run out. Admittedly this issue comes up more frequently when I am acquiring a game from somewhere other than steam- a giveaway the developer is running, buying something from the Humble store and getting a steam key from them instead of a direct download, backing something on kickstarter, whatever. But PRETTY FREQUENTLY, I give someone my money, and in return I get a little notification that "Steam keys for this product are not in stock." I don't get my money back. I don't get some kind of gift card to use on something else. I just get, "welp, sorry! We don't actually have the thing you paid for available! Check back sometime later and we might?" And the operative word there is might. There are games I've paid for whose keys have been out of stock for YEARS. Oh and sometimes, those keys expire! I pay money for a game, get what is essentially a tag to take up to the front counter, and if I don't get on that, someone just pockets my money and I get nothing. Sometimes this happens THE DAY I PURCHASE IT. Sometimes THE DAY BEFORE I PURCHASE IT. No warning up front.

So, OK. Surely though there is some upside to this weird key tracking setup, right? Like if I somehow get into a situation where I have a key for a game that I already own (perhaps it's my birthday, and two people both decided to gift me the same game that I had on my wishlist). I have the one activated copy. I put in this second code and... here's a message that I already have this. Oh well OK. Will you refund me for the key then? No. ... can I pass the key along to someone else who also wants that game? I believe it depends, but the answer is at least sometimes no. Especially if there's some sort of sale or bundle involved, no splitting those keys up between several people, arbitrarily. Steam is all too happy to just take your money in these sorts of situations and give you nothing in return. Hell, I can think of at least 3 or 4 instances when I have ended up with an activation key or an on-site sales button for a game with various DLC expansions included, and because I already owned the base game, I was unable to activate this extra copy with the DLC included. No DLC for me, no refund.

Those pretty serious issues aside, it's just... really badly laid out and run as a store. Plenty of people will gripe about how hard it is to find something, or how there will just be a weird mix of porn and shovelware (often describing the same game) on the front page, but even just working out what you're buying or what a sale covers is kind of a confusing mess? Like right now, going to the front page, here's a big Wales Interactive sale. Let's just click through that and... OK what the hell is this complete mess? Don't judge me if you see "in library" on garbage by the way, it was all blind box bundle stuff. Anyway right at the top of this special dedicated sale page we've got

OK the one horror thing is 25% off... or 27% off with its DLC. The other is 81% off. Let me just scroll down more though...

OK so wait the one game they're really pushing the hardest here has a deluxe edition, an ultimate edition, and a collector's edition. All on sale, I think all with the DLC bundled in... and like, this version here is "-20% -33% so $51.66" and this other version which comes bundled with a whole other game is "-10% -58% $21.14" What are we even trying to convey? In what world would the former be a good deal? And those FMV bundles are similarly confusing. Well, let me just click through and see if it's clearer looking at just this one game and see if that clears it up?

No! Somehow this is even more confusing! I can however apparently buy just this game, if I were inclined, for MORE MONEY than buying this game bundled with this other game I already own. Why? How? Or if I want the DLC, I can get it with all the DLC for $50, OR I can get it with all the DLC for $30? Again, I am just incredibly confused, and glad I really don't have any desire to own this and don't need to care.

I will say though that the first time I ever purchased anything from Steam it was when they were running a sale like this on the Oddworld games. The confusing as hell bundle buttons and redirects and such set up a world wherein I had the option of getting literally every Oddworld game to date (this was before New and Tasty was a thing) for $25 OR I could get a bundle of every game except for Munch's Oddysee... the one game I had never had a chance to play before... plus those were uh... older buggier PC ports apparently. Anyway something bugged out in the cart, I had two identical things in there, just listed as "Oddworld..." and I end up charged for the.... objectively terrible option instead of literally that plus a whole other game.

So you know, IMMEDIATELY, when I see the full list of what I'm actually getting for the first time after hitting confirm, I see something went wrong, and promptly set about trying to cancel that/order the correct thing/get hold of some tech support person because hey what the hell? Now with LITERALLY ANY OTHER STORE, this would get taken care of immediately. Online, brick and mortar, whatever. In person? "Hey, I gave you the money for these 5 things, you only put 4 of them in my bag." "Oh sorry, here you go!" or "Hey the wrong thing was on the shelf" or "hey this literally wasn't in the box" these get sorted. I've had online stores literally send me completely the wrong order, got that sorted out. I've ordered clothes that didn't fit, they refunded me and didn't even want me sending the baby-sized one back. I once had a weird collision where a friend bought me a whole huge pricy bundle of games and software from itch.io, because she had contributed to it and wanted to share, meanwhile I bought it myself for the same reason. One quick support e-mail and I got them to send HER a refund, like within 5 minutes. Steam though? It has literally been a decade now, multiple support tickets, I still don't have my collection, no refund, nothing.

And you know just sticking with this a moment... appeasing customers upset about this sort of thing is kinda the one thing stores are for. If something is on sale in a store for $50, that store paid somewhere between $5 and $25 for that to whoever supplied it to them. When I buy it, I am forwarding along that small percentage of the price to the people who actually made the thing, and the rest of the money I am forking over is me paying the store for the service of making this a low stress low headache situation. Functionally that means I am buying insurance against random weird issues like... paying for something and not getting it. It happens rarely enough that the store still profits, but sometimes yeah you just give an angry customer whatever the hell they're haranguing you about, even if you're confused about what their deal is, so they don't spend the next decade griping to everyone about how terrible your store is to anyone who will listen and swear off ever shopping there again. Especially if they have a paper trail on how you didn't give them what they were attempting to buy. But anyway, moving on to the next problem.

Wait no! One more thing! It is SHOCKINGLY DIFFICULT to do gift shopping on steam! If I set up a wishlist, nobody can see it unless they're friends with me, and even then it's kinda weirdly buried in submenus to a point where I always need to search up a guide on how to even find it. And you'd think there'd be some option to just like... buy one of these keys everything is using for a game, and mail it to someone as a surprise gift, but nope. Not an option. Everything about buying a game for a friend or relative is like pulling teeth. In the store for buying games.

I hate Steam as a launcher app.

There is really no reason for launcher apps to exist. We are all perfectly capable of, say, putting all of our games into a nice little "Games" directory on our computer and setting a nice shortcut to that or whatever other little organizational things we might want to do. I will grant that just freaking displaying a directory is something Windows in particular is weirdly bad at, but it does a better job than Steam does. Just opening this window with a list of games requires a weird amount of startup, possibly a login, it puts a shocking load on processor and ram. It opens a big annoying pop-up ad. It signs me into a messenger app I'm never going to use. And when I'm done with it, attempting to close it out like any other piece of software on my computer just straight up does not work. In theory if I formally "Exit Steam" from a drop-down it will cleanly quit, but sometimes I forget, and I swear, sometimes that doesn't do the trick, and while it certainly looks like Steam isn't open from a glance at my taskbar, if I open up my task manager, here's like... 5 separate running instances of something called "Steam Web Helper" and one of them is eating AN ENTIRE FREAKING GIG of RAM! It is absolutely absurd for anything to ever be doing that. The only other thing I have that eats RAM that absurdly is my web browser, where I have like 200 tabs open across 20 windows at any given time, all loaded up with gross bloated sphagetti scripts instead of functional code. But it's not like this Steam web helper is secretly a web-browser opening pages up for every game in my library or anything right?

... no apparently that's what it is. Yeah all those screenshots, trailers, reviews, "community content" sections full of creepy fan art and Russian youtube LPs of games that load up in a full page splash zone when you're just trying to click the name of a game off a simple text list and hit launch are secretly a big web page we're quietly launching an invisible web browser to load up. And hey, even if you don't have that window open, it's still loaded. And even if you go mess with preferences and ask not to be spammed with all this stuff, it's still loaded. And even if you try to keep steam closed at all times to avoid the whole mess, it really likes to worm its way in to load on boot up and also update itself whenever it feels like it.

And hey! Speaking of updates! The real reason the steam launcher even exists of course is to serve as super aggressive DRM (the sort where even if you have single player games locally "installed," you can't play them if you are offline or otherwise unable to connect to Steams servers, and to spam you with those pop-up ads, but the sales pitch to keep you from just treating the whole thing as gross malware is that there is some convenience here. Doesn't matter if you have 10 computers scattered about, Steam will keep your favorite games all ready to go and fully up to date and cloud sync saved data between them so they can be loaded up at the touch of a button!

Well that end of things straight up sucks. I am inherently distrustful of automated updates in general. I tend to hit a version of a given piece of software I like, and from there on any further updates can only make it worse. Also, I like to have total control of when my bandwidth is being hogged. I don't want to be streaming a movie, or hosting a stream on twitch, and have oh... Steam, let's say, decide that 100% of my bandwidth is needed RIGHT THIS MINUTE, because there was a 30 gig update for I dunno, Granny Simulator. But... Steam feels differently, and will absolutely queue that up. Even after I dug through preferences looking for a way to disable that. Even when I don't have the game in question installed, and haven't had it installed for years, if ever. Aside from the serious bandwidth issue, I constantly find myself mysteriously out of disk space because Steam decided it was time to download a huge patch for some game or other I've never even touched, and I just have to go through like I'm hunting for mushrooms in a basement or something finding these unwanted games.

And it doesn't even really keep them up to date! I end up with games that are "fully installed and ready to launch" but when I try, I have to sit there for upwards of multiple hours after hitting launch buttons because oh, the installation process forgot that every game for some baffling reason needs its own personal copy of DirectX and 20 other software dependencies, and it just didn't feel like running the installers for those when installing the game.

The worst part though is the damn cloud sync saves. I have absolutely lost count of how many dozens or hundreds of times I have completely lost all save data for a game because some cloud sync failed, or an automatic update corrupted save files. Or less damaging but still quite annoying, I've lost my connection to steam while playing a game, causing my local save to be more up to date than the version stored on a server, and Steam's answer to that is TOO FREAKIN' BAD! There is, to my knowledge, absolutely no way to push a save file to the cloud by hand. It is always considered the master copy, and if it's out of date or corrupted, oh well. I didn't ask for this, I'm always playing on my one desktop, but I just gotta deal.

I... greatly dislike Steam as a compatibility layer.

So the thing with Steam and the separate copy of DirectX for every individual game is that IN THEORY, Steam does a lot of handy things behind the scenes to get older games to work smoothly on modern hardware. And it... often does a kind of OK job at that? I put it through its paces on that front more than most people do, streaming my whole library, which includes some 20 or 30 year old games, but... most of those are from modern promotions explicitly linked to Steam so you'd think those would all be guaranteed to... run, at all. Hopefully not too many would have terrible interactions with the resolution on my monitor. DOS games in particular tend to really suck through Steam. There's a one size fits all DOSBox solution, but... it's an old buggy version of DOSBox, and if I could just manually launch a more current and nicely customized one and run these things through that, and not have it, you know, completely break should I alt-tab away, that'd be nice. But I can't. Because aggressive DRM.

I hate Steam as a social media... thing.

Back at the dawn of time, I like a lot of other people made the mistake of picking AOL as an internet service provider. Everything about this was absolutely miserable, except for the whole Instant Messenger thing. That was a nice way to stay in touch with people that I used for many many years... and the reason I used it for many many years was that it was available as a small lightweight independent program I could still use for decades past when I swore off AOL forever. Steam has a little chat thing, but... it does not have that very important feature. I can't access my steam friends chat deal unless I am actively running this awful piece of software that eats more than half my RAM and fills my hard drive with garbage. And also, you know, I have multiple other ways to keep in touch with people. If I did use it though, I'd hate the UI. And I hate how you have to cut through it half the time to invite a friend to play a multiplayer game.

Beyond that, Steam has all this "community" stuff where... again, unless I actively disable it, I'm bombarded with weird LPs and fan art and this whole baffling ecosystem of neo-nazis spamming negative reviews at everything not staring a white guy and... reviewing each other's reviews like some kind of weird reddit gold system? Totally burying any useful information, and also throwing "user tags" on games destroying any sort of usable organizational info. And then there's trading cards? I've never understood what those are about. It all just seems terrible, and I want to be rid of it, and it definitely enables all kinds of horrible stalking, too.

I hate Steam as... you know, a general vestige of horrible capitalistic crap?

While Steam isn't the ONLY game in town as far as a store you can buy games from, it has enough of a stranglehold on things, and this weird cult-like following of people who I guess missed out on the whole 16-bit console wars thing and are hellbent on recreating it with... what stores people shop at. So there's a lot of baseline stupidity and aggressive weirdos from that, but also, as a developer, you really can't afford not to put stuff in the Steam store, which as I understand it is the absolute worst deal financially for any possible place you can sell a game these days, and forces developers to eat the loss with the constant weirdly advertised sales. Plus, you know, I personally have like... two or three thousand games right now which I can ONLY run if I have Steam going. Eventually it's going down and taking all those with them. Any unilateral policy changes Steam makes, we're all stuck with. Games get pulled without warning or recourse. Hell, game developers get snatched up by Valve on the promise of getting their stuff published and getting relocated to... maintenance projects on Steam with their projects killed. So that all sucks.

But again, mostly I hate the bloated malware aspect and them stiffing me on a game a decade ago. And it's weird that everyone seems to just give them infinite free passes on all this stuff while harping on anyone else they see doing similar stuff.

#steam #valve #malware #monopolies #drm

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masterjedilenawrites · 2 years ago

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Hi! so I have some questions based on operating a blog (i’m new and i have no clue what to do… sorry)

what would you recommend putting on a pinned post? how do you put links of other posts (like stories/hcs/etc) onto another post like for a master list? when you start a post for hcs/oneshots do you do it in drafts or on another app and copy and paste it? i’m sorry if this is a lot to ask :,)

Also! i love your blog sm! your writing is so good!!

Hello there! No apologies necessary! Happy to answer any and all questions about this sort of thing 🙂

I'll answer your questions in reverse order. So, starting with drafting posts... I personally have always used Word or Pages when I write (and I was cool with using Google Docs in college as well). And honestly, I would recommend others do the same, mainly to avoid issues with Tumblr drafts not always saving properly. There is no worse feeling than losing all your hard work and not being able to recover it! Tumblr's post editor is just, not the greatest, to put it politely. It's glitchy, difficult to format certain things, and way too easy to mess something up or accidentally delete it altogether. For peace of mind, draft your stuff in a more reliable app and then copy over when you're ready to actually post.

Links... The one thing I'll say in Tumblr's defense is it does have a fairly easy way to link to other posts.* You don't need to know html or coding or anything. I'll explain as a step-by-step:

Copy the url of the post you want to link to. Best way is to click the three dots in the top right corner of the post and then "Copy Link." You can do this part on mobile or a web browser.

Create or edit the post you want to contain the link. Highlight the words you want (ex: Read here!) and a little bar of options will pop up (below the color options on mobile, above the highlighted words on the web). Click the symbol that looks like a chain, then paste the url you previously copied into the designated area. That's it!

For a post with multiple links (like a masterlist), you need to do it on a web browser. Keep the post you're creating up on one browser tab, and then open additional tabs to grab the links to your other posts for copying.

And then one note of caution (because even though it's easy, it's not perfect lol): If you edit a post with links it in, like changing the wording or moving things around, the links will sometimes "break." So I usually open two tabs, one with the post in its original format, and one where I'm editing it, and I can grab from the original if I accidentally mess it up.

*These instructions are for adding links in a post. If you want to set up links in your blog's bio/description section (like in mine), then you do need to use some basic html codes. I referenced this post when I set mine up.

And then finally, pinned posts... this is really up to you. Personally, I think you can't go wrong with some kind of a masterlist, or a "welcome" type post that includes a link to a masterlist. As a reader, whenever I find a new writer I like, I want to be able to see their bibliography, to see a list of all the other stories and things they've created. It helps me get to know them, their style, their fandom preferences, etc. And if I ever lose it or want to go back to it later, it's easy enough to just pull up their blog without having to scroll or search their whole posting history.

But it really depends on what you want visitors to your blog (and yourself!) to see first. Is there an issue/take/sentiment you're especially passionate about? Pin it. Are you running some kind of a game or focusing your writing on a particular prompt list? Pin it. Is there one story you are really proud of? Pin it. And the best part, you can change your mind and pin something else later. I currently have pinned an "I'm back!" post after I went MIA for a bit last year, because idk, I figured that was important for people to see. But I'm probably going to change it back to my masterlist now that it's been a while and I miss seeing that dumb meme I edited for it 😂

I hope I answered your questions and explained everything well! Again, happy to answer anything along these lines! I know starting out can be overwhelming, but a lot of it becomes second nature the more you play around and take note of what other blogs are doing. Then your focus can be on just having fun with your writing!

#also...welcome anon!#good luck on your blog!#writing #blogging #tumblring #advice #drafts #links #posts #pins

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1kook · 5 years ago

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late fee

jeon jeongguk x (f) reader

summary: “Captain Underpants isn’t glorified by all the tryhards, so when I pick those books, you’re unknowingly more interested in me.” tags: f2l, flirty kook, jk��s obsession w/captain underpants, he’s a fuckboy but he’s a soft fuckboy dont get it twisted, campus boy crush jk(yes again), jk abuses the FuCK out of pet names, miss koo1aid actually writes some PLOT warnings: much flirting, nsfw bc of a lot of heavy petting, pussy eatin’, a lil dirty talk, very s l i g h t coochie sniffing, BUT!!! protected sex :) wc: 10.3k

i wrote another fic (applause) and the entire thing is based off my belief that jungkook 10000% would enjoy captain underpants books. not proofread bc i am a hermit and speak to exactly 0 ppl on here, que dios los bendiga

“Helloooo, sexy librarian,” Jeongguk says the moment he steps through the door, lopsided grin adorning his features as he swaggers over to obnoxiously lean against your desk. You can’t even pretend you didn’t see him, his presence so blaringly consuming, and evident in the way some dorky high schoolers glance over to gawk at him.

“What book are you checking out today, Jeon?” You muse instead, leaving your desk chair to head over to the stack of new books that needed to be stamped. As you turn, Jeongguk whistles at the sight, and you don’t even have it in you anymore to retort back the same way you would when he first started bugging you. “Also, are you aware that your copy of Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants is due tomorrow? It’s a dollar for every day it’s late—”

“You needn’t worry longer, baby,” Jeongguk interrupts, and the loud smack of a hardcover against the desk catches your attention. There lies Jeongguk’s Captain Underpants book, alongside the paperback copy of Beloved that has definitely seen better days.

You furrow your brows. “When did you check out this one?” You question, checking the spine to make sure the book belongs to your library. Much to your surprise, there’s no barcode on the side, and no stamp on the inside.

Your question goes unanswered as Jeongguk jumps into a full-length novella recapture of the hot frat party he’d been to last weekend, and how the Zeta Theta Psi guys knew how to party. That Jimin fellow that Jeongguk frequently mentions had apparently snorted a line of coke off their friend Seokjin’s broad shoulders just to prove his friend had godly proportions. It’s weird, but Jeongguk says it’s because you have to ride for your bros. You try to act uninterested, but Jeongguk’s a funny guy, really, and you can only hide so many chuckles with the sound of a stamp.

He’s in the middle of trying to cover up of one of his frequent trysts after accidentally exposing himself—”Don’t get it twisted, baby, I just took her upstairs to call her friend.”—when Namjoon comes out of the back room looking for you. He barely glances at your guest, before handing you a list of overdue books.

“Would you mind calling these people?” He asks, voice soft, just as everything else was about Namjoon. “They’re all a week past.”

“Yikes,” you say, eyes scanning over the list. Surprisingly, Jeongguk is still there, hovering over you as if waiting for you to dismiss him. “Do you mind, Jeon?” You say, channeling your best customer service voice. As much as Namjoon was wary of him, he still considered Jeongguk a patron in your establishment and hated to see him treated poorly, no matter how many library rules Jeongguk broke.

“Of course,” he sighs, and you miss the hostile glare he throws Namjoon when you whirl around for a highlighter. “I’ll see you later, sweetheart,” he says when you turn back around, stretching ana rm in your direction.

Half of you knows exactly what he’ll do, but the other half of you, the one trying desperately to act like his advances have no effect on you, have you placing your palm in his. You’re not super surprised when he tugs your hand upward, pecking your knuckles with a flirty wink. “Adios, Juliet,” he smirks.

“Wrong language,” you inform him, rolling your eyes nonchalantly even though your heart is beating one hundred miles per second. Jeongguk cackles, loud as all hell in the silent library, before making his exit.

It’s silent for all of twenty seconds before Namjoon jumps right into it. “So are you seeing him, or…” he interrogates, trying to act like he’s hardly interested, but you’ve known and worked alongside Namjoon long enough to know he’s secretly the community gossip.

You ignore him, choosing to jam the buttons on the phone instead.

The weird thing about Jeongguk, was that, although he was notoriously known amongst the undergraduates (and even some graduates, because he just had it like that, you suppose) as one of the biggest fuckboys, he was different. Not to sound like every teen romcom you’d ever scanned, but he genuinely was. For starters, he’d fuck your brains out and then make you his best friend the morning after. He definitely had a very peculiar, and backwards, way of doing the whole one night stand thing.

All this you’ve gathered from your friends, who, at one point have had some sort of encounter with Jeongguk. Dahyun’s was last spring at a club event, when he’d oh so smoothly flirted with her for a solid hour before realizing she didn’t swing that way. Which is how they become close friends, which is how, by association, Jeongguk set his sights on you.

Your introduction to Jeongguk wasn’t anything out of the ordinary; he’d been tagging along behind Dahyun like a lost puppy, begging her for some class notes, and had subsequently followed her all the way to your favorite meeting place. From then, he’d dropped his petulant, childish act and put on his macho face, chest puffed and eyes hooded as he devoured your very presence.

The next time you see him, it’s at a frat party where some guy had been harping on you go upstairs with him. Another weird thing about Jeongguk, he hated when other fuckboys didn’t utilize their brains. You assume it’s because it gives the fuckboy community a bad rep as a whole, but Jeongguk hated when guys were overbearing. So he’d taken the initiative to snatch you away from that fellow, guiding you all the way back to Dahyun and friends just to make sure you were alright. Somewhere along the way, you’d informed him you worked at the local library—”The one that does bingo on Tuesdays?” “That’s for senior citizens only, why do you know that?”—and he’d never left you alone again.

This time, he spots you in the dining hall.

“You come here often, dollface?” He says the moment he slides up beside you, instantly zeroing in on the burrito wrap on your plate. Like the little immature baby he is, his hand immediately snakes out to touch the precariously wrapped white tortilla holding the deliciousness inside, and you have to physically slap the offender away. He jumps, bumping into a girl standing in line behind him, not that particularly cares. “So, it’s fuck Jeongguk hours, huh?” He huffs, adorning his face with that uppity glare he mastered from watching Mean Girls on repeat a few months ago.

“Your plate is stacked, but you wanna grab the one thing on mine,” you point out, and his lips curl into a smile at your response. “By the way, your book is past due.”

At this he gasps, all real, no Regina George effects added. “You’re lying,” he chokes, switching his plate to his other hand, and you nearly jump when the muffin balancing dangerously on top shifts. He tugs his phone out of the pocket of his sweats, scanning through his remind app until he sees that his book is overdue by three days. He groans, staring at the ceiling in shame.

You nod, breezing over his inner meltdown. “Was wondering when we were gonna get the wedgie winner, or whatever its called, back.”

He scoffs, giving you an unimpressed glare. “Wrath of the Wicked Wedgie Woman,” he corrects, looking so disappointed that you don’t have these bizarre titles memorized. “For such a pretty librarian, you sure are ignorant to these literary masterpieces.”

This makes you cackle, and your cheeks flush when at least three people turn to stare at your outburst. “You aren’t seriously calling these Captain Underpants books masterpieces,” you snort. Jeongguk shrugs, and you begin to wonder if he really is as airheaded as the characters he admires. “Jeon,” you try to reason, giving him a pleading look, because arguing the credibility of kids novels in line for lunch simply does not seem real. You must have been warped into another dimension where all pretty boys are as dumb as the movies make them out to seem.

“Listen,” he says, smiling when you grow desperate for him to prove you wrong. “I’ve read a lot of good books, but nothing tops a hypnotized superhero principal fighting crime in his underwear.”

You sigh, paying for your meal, and then, surprisingly, waiting for him to pay for his. You tell yourself it’s because you want to finish this conversation, but part of you just genuinely enjoys being in Jeongguk’s presence. Gag.

“I saw you with Beloved last week,” you carry on the second he’s done giving flirty eyes to the middle-aged cashier. “Now that’s a masterpiece.”

He nods in agreement. “But, baby,” he purrs, and the sudden switch from weird, 12 year-old literary enthusiast to grown as hell, suave bastard has you jolting a step that you try to play off by pretending to look at something on the ground. “How else will you remember my face?”

You blank. “What the hell are you talking about.”

Jeongguk gives you a pointed look. “Sweetheart, you wouldn’t remember a damn thing about me if I did what every other stuck-up bastard did trying to pick up chicks at the library.” You tilt your head in confusion. Jeongguk sighs. “If I went in every rainy Friday and checked out a Tale of Two Cities, or Oliver Twist, or some other Charles Dickens shit, you wouldn’t glance my way.”

“Do people still read Dickens?” You say instead, glossing over the fact that apparently Jeongguk’s visits were apparently blatant attempts to flirt with girls. Finally, you find a suitable spot at a long, dinner table so you don’t have to sit completely alone with Jeongguk.

“You know damn well better than I do that that those wannabe sophisticated books have waitlists.” He shoves half a pizza slice into his mouth, and you hate how your eyes immediately laser in on the strong movements of his jaw. “My point is,” he says through a greasy mouthful. “Captain Underpants isn’t glorified by all the tryhards, so when I pick those books, you’re unknowingly more interested in me.”

You cradle your burrito in your palms, rolling his words around your head for a bit. Jeongguk doesn’t particularly seem like he’s awaiting an answer, munching through the mountain of food on his plate as you revel in your thoughts.

It’s right when you go to take your first bite that you finally come to a conclusion. “But have you ever considered I’m interested in you because I think you’re funny?”

Silence. Jeongguk stares at you through his fringe, pizza slice slowly going limp in his hold as he absorbs your words. Before you know it, his ears flush red. He splutters. “I-You think I’m funny?” He asks, cheeks slowly growing rosy as well, and his lips quirk in a cute way to the side, as if he’s trying desperately to hide his excitement.

You nod, because it’s true, why would you lie? “Duh. You come in every week and just talk about your day, Jeongguk,” you say, as if it’s the most obvious answer in the world. “I think you’re very interesting and entertaining without trying.”

“Thanks,” he mutters, and for the first time, you’re thrown off by how adorable this man looks, lips pressed tight to contain a smile from your compliments.

Realization hits you all at once, but you’ve long since trained in the fluid art of avoiding your emotions.

“There’s a party tonight,” Dahyun announces from her desk, not even bothering to glance at you when you return from the showers. You hum, not really that interested in whatever is going on this fine Thursday evening. You plop down at your own desk, starting your skincare routine.

Dahyun lets you relax in the soothing motions of self care for all of three seconds before she adds, “Jeongguk wanted to know if you’re coming.”

You press down too hard on the pump of your moisturizer, sending a large glomp onto the tips of your fingers. “That’s nice,” you say, trying to play it off, but you doubt Dahyun hadn’t heard the little spaz you had, or that she couldn’t sense the way your body immediately lit aflame at the mention of him and you in the same sentence.

She turns in her seat, and you catch sight of her in your mirror. You avert your eyes right away, because Dahyun had many talents, and her best one was reading your mind with a single gaze. You maintain an aura of unbothered and uninterested, finishing with the rest of your skincare.

Just when you think you’re safe, Dahyun pounces.

“Y’know,” she says, and you can hear the grin in her voice. “He hasn’t slept with anyone in almost a month. In fuckboy time, that’s the equivalent of two years.”

You roll your eyes, putting away your products before trying to busy yourself with anything else. “He probably has, but with people who know how to keep their mouths shut.”

Faintly, you hear Dahyun’s chair scrape against the carpet, and then suddenly she has you in a headlock. “Admit you like Jeongguk or I will throw your toothbrush into the toilet on the third floor.”

You choke, grappling her arms in an attempt to pry her off. “No,” you huff, switching tactics to tangle a hand in her silver locks. “Why would I confess to something that isn’t true?”

She shrieks when you give a sharp tug, sending her careening sideways against the foot of your bed, but not without taking you with her. “You are lying to yourself and to the entire librarian community, you sick fuck.”

You snort. “The fuck does Namjoon have to do with this?”

“He told me Jeongguk’s been bringing you Starbucks.”

Her reveal has you halting in your tracks, cheeks flushing at being exposed. “That gossiping fuck,” you seethe, finally loosening your grip on your friend. Somehow, you’ve ended up sprawled on the floor of her side of the room, nestled into the stupidly fluffy carpet she thrifted. She rolls onto her belly, propping herself up on her elbows to narrow her eyes at you.

“So it’s true,” she sighs. You shrug. “Well,” she claps her hands together. “Shimmy into that sexy dress from Windsor, we’re going out.”

You groan, rolling over in metaphorical agony. “Dude, I just washed my face. No way in hell, I’m putting on makeup now.” She considers your point for negative three seconds.

“The Glow Kit is in my bottom left drawer,” she announces right as she exits the room with her towel and shower essentials in hand.

The Glow Kit is in fact in Dahyun’s drawer, which is a little suspicious considering it’s the same one you thought you lost three months ago. Nonetheless, it never lets you down, and by the time you’re done with your makeup, you’re looking like a shimmering, little succubus in the hot dress from Windsor.

Normally, you and your self-esteem were rivals; never on the same page, always bickering, sworn enemies from birth. But right now, as you admire yourself in the closet mirror, you can’t help but marvel at how good you look in the slightly loose dress.

“Damn,” Dahyun says as soon as she returns, all fluffy in her towel. “You will fuck tonight, or else.”

“Hey, baby,” Jeongguk smiles at you the moment you walk in, hooded eyes raking over your body in an agonizingly slow manner. Dahyun chooses then to do her party trick—disappearing without a word.

“Hi…” you respond, voice meek in this party setting. There’s more people than you anticipated, which is weird because it’s a Thursday and surely some of these people have morning classes. You can’t comment, though, because you’re here knowing damn well you have an eight am tomorrow.

The music is blasting, so loud you can feel the bass shaking the floor, sending jolts up from your toes to your head with every beat. There’s people in every crevice of this household, some even taking refuge on the staircase leading up to the bedrooms. Someone brushes by you, and you instinctively step closer to the wall to avoid being in the way. You should have known Jeongguk would follow.

He ducks down to shout into your ear. “Wasn’t sure if you were coming tonight,” he tells you, right as one of his friends rushes by, thrusting a cup into his hand that Jeongguk doesn’t even stop to question. He takes a sip, then offers you some.

“Dahyun didn’t wanna come alone,” you lie, tentatively sipping from his cup only to realize it’s worse than any alcohol here: it’s Sprite. Jeongguk seems amused by your subtle disgust, immediately taking the cup back. You send out a light prayer for his stomach and his skin. “Aren’t you supposed to be out pulling hoes or something?” You say, trying to go for teasing and playful but missing by a mile.

Jeongguk grins. “Why would I do that when the only girl I want is right here,” he motions, and then does that cliche move where he places a hand by the wall behind you. The worst thing is, even though Jeongguk seems intent on pulling every cheesy act known to mankind, your heart actually races.

“Shut up,” you laugh, “you just like that I don’t charge you the late fees on your books.”

At this, Jeongguk genuinely smiles, nose scrunching up as he gazes at you. “False,” he argues, and then leans forward, same stupid dopey smile on his face. “I love a woman who snorts milk out of her nose.”

“Jeon!” You shriek, smacking his arm as embarrassment washes over you. “You said you would forget about that!”

Jeongguk cackles, all boyish and rough like he does when he’s around Hoseok for too long. Somehow, knowing you’re the cause of that charming laughter has your annoyance fading away, a soft smile crawling onto your features.

“I hate you,” you say instead, looking up and meeting his gaze dead on for the first time that night.

Jeongguk smirks. “Do you now?” He throws back, then takes a step forward. Your shoulder touches the wall when you take a tentative step back. You give a half-assed shrug, entranced by the playfulness that lurks behind his eyes. He gives you an exaggerated pout. “That sucks, because I,” he steps closer again, and this time he’s looking down at you over the bridge of his nose, “really like you.”

“I…” you trail off, too hypnotized by the pink tongue that swipes across his lips as he gazes at you. There is no hesitation on his face.

When you don’t say anything for another moment, Jeongguk ducks down. His nose bumps against yours, his breath warm as it fans across your face. “Y’know, I’d treat you so right,” he suddenly says, and your panties immediately turn into Niagara Falls at the newfound deepness of his voice. You feel lightheaded from his close proximity and promising words. “Could make you feel so good, baby, if you just let me.”

You shiver, nearly jumping out of your skin when a hand snakes its way around your waist, tugging you forward gently. Not overbearingly, because you know the last thing Jeongguk would ever do was want to make you uncomfortable. He pulls you close enough that it ends up being you who steps completely into his embrace. Your trembling hands find their place on his shoulders, and Jeongguk has never looked more content.

“You... only want sex,” you softly accuse, and the only reason your quiet voice doesn’t get lost in the noise is because of how close the two of you are.

Jeongguk bites his lip at your words, and you wonder if part of him is surprised that you’d so openly say such a thing. “Not with you,” he says eventually. “Wanna hold you like this forever, ___. And if that leads to you cumming on my tongue every now and then, well,” he smiles, “all fine by me.”

“Jeon,” you scold, scared that someone might have heard him.

“What?” He grins, pressing impossibly closer. His lip gives the slightest pucker, and you find yourself unconsciously leaning closer, the hand around your waist tightening. “I want you, baby.”

You can’t hide the lovestruck expression on your face as you look between his mouth and his eyes, and you wonder if he’s being honest.

Right as you’re about to throw all your doubts out the window and kiss him, you’re bombarded with the sound of obnoxious air horns from a DJ who obviously knows shit about, well, DJ-ing.

You jump at the sudden sound, bumping your head against the wall behind you. Jeongguk’s eyes widen. “Oh shit, are you okay?” He fusses, all traces of that suave, heartthrob replaced with a fretful Jeon.

“I’m fine,” you say, though you’re not because you’re absolutely dying right now. From the fact you almost gave into Jeongguk but also the embarrassment of hitting your head. “I-I need to find Dahyun,” you announce, and give Jeongguk no time to process that before you’re bolting into the crowded house like you just broke something.

jeon tell me you got home safe jeon please

You pause in the middle of removing your makeup, one eyelash on to symbolize the mess you are right now. Dahyun is humming some tune as she does the same, the both of you clad in your pajamas and fuzzy socks. Carefully, you pick up your phone.

you im home! me and the girls ubered home lol you sorry i didnt get to say goodbye :(

jeon dont worry abt it babe jeon just happy to know ur ok

“You better be texting Jeongguk, since you failed to complete the one job you had tonight,” Dahyun calls and you curse. You whirl around to face her, and she snorts at your one eyelash.

“Be honest,” you say. “If you were the campus crush who could get coochie every time he breathed, would you leave all that for me?”

Dahyun freezes. “Well, not when you’re only wearing one eyelash.” You groan, flopping into your seat uncomfortably. “Babe,” Dahyun sighs, as if sensing the gravity of your dilemma. “You’re hot! Everyone knows this except you.”

“But am I?” You whine. “Am I attractive or do you just feel obligated to say that because you’re my friend, be honest.”

“Oh my god,” she huffs, climbing into her bed, phone in hand. She doesn’t even bother looking your way when she’s all settled in. “You have this weird idea that Jeongguk is some intangible idol, as if you haven’t seen the dude deepthroat an entire bratwurst at the diversity fair. If anything, you’re the dream girl on campus, you stupid bitch.”

“The only true thing I heard is me being a stupid bitch,” you mope, and Dahyun throws a pillow at your face. You take this attack as initiative to finally take off your other lash, finishing your cleansing and moisturizing (for the second time) routine.

“Listen,” she says, setting her phone down to stare you dead in the eye. Her voice is devoid of any emotion. “If it makes you feel better, he wrote JK + __ on our group handout last week.”

You don’t sleep that night.

The last person you’re expecting to see at this secluded cafe on a Saturday morning was Jeon Jeongguk, yet here he was in all his delicious morning glory. By morning glory, you mean the soft, sleepy eyes that stare at you from across the table, voice so deep and husky.

“Why are you here if you just woke up?” You interrogate, settling into the empty seat in front of him. Carefully, you begin pulling things out of your bag, trying your best to not look away too long. This sight was rare, Jeongguk usually being at an energy level of about eighty seven at all times. To see him so tired and sluggish was unheard of.

He gestures over to where Taehyung is in the middle of what looks like a job interview. “Moral support,” Jeongguk informs you. You nod in understanding, before returning your gaze to the sleepy angel in front of you.

He’s ridiculously tired, eyes dropping shut every time you so much as pause for a second. He seems apologetic too, murmuring I’m sorry I’m sorry whenever his eyes flutter shut. Your heart was going haywire at the sight. “Jeon,” you say softly, and get one, soft hum in response. “I think you should go home, Taehyung seems fine.”

He shakes his head. “Needs me,” he murmurs, trying desperately to snap his eyes back open to no avail. Eventually, you make the call, packing your things up way earlier than usual. You haul Jeongguk out of his seat, him sleepily trailing after you as you drag him out of the shop. He sleeps on the short bus ride back to campus, and even almost sleeps on the elevator up to his dorm.

“In we go,” you announce, unlocking his door before nudging him inside. His roommate is nowhere to be found, oddly enough given the early hour. Jeongguk stumbles inside, plopping down on his bed right away. “Sleep.”

He lets out a high pitched whine the moment you turn to leave. “Come cuddle,” he huffs, face pressed against his pillow. His hair’s haloed around him, pout smushed against the cushion as he stares at you.

“You need to sleep,” you point out.

He rolls onto his back, patting the mattress beside him. “Wanna feel you,” he says. Your cheeks flush red. As if realizing the meaning behind his words, sleepy little Jeongguk takes the initiative to push you further. “Pressed against my body,” he drawls, his deep chuckle resonating throughout your body. “C’mon, baby, too scared to be in bed with me?”

You scoff, though your cheeks are warm. “You wouldn’t do anything anyway, you’re half asleep.”

Jeongguk shrugs, lips quirking to the side as he motions to his side again. “So? Can tell you like it slow anyway,” he grunts, before sitting up and shuffling to the edge of the bed and assuming a sitting position. Without warning, he catches your wrist in his hand and tugs you between his spread thighs.

He’s more awake than he’s been all morning, and part of you is happy but the other is anxious. God, was this boy dangerous.

“You’re half asleep, Jeon,” you say, trying to diffuse the sudden sexual tension. Jeongguk smiles up at you.

“Cmon, baby,” he exhales, and one fluid tug has you plopping onto his thigh. You startle at the sudden change, grabbing onto his shoulders for support. All he does is laugh some more, nuzzling his face against your neck as your heart goes into panic mode. “Bet I could get in so deep,” he murmurs, breath tickling your neck and you feel your legs turn to jelly.

“G-Gguk,” you try to warn, but it ends up sounding more like a plea. For what, you’re not entirely sure.

A sudden kiss to the junction of your neck and shoulder has your spirit ascending into another plane. Jeongguk smiles at your pliant body. “Look at you,” he continues, kissing down your neck until your body is physically quivering. “So sensitive. No one ever touched you like this before, doll?”

You shake your head no, and nearly jump out of your own skin when a hand clasps onto the inside of your thigh. “Jeon, we shouldn’t…” you choke out, even though your traitorous hand clamps down on his and pushes it closer to where you need him most.

“We shouldn’t?” He teases, and then cups your sex.

You transcend.

Jeongguk laughs, airy chuckles fanning across your jaw. “Then stop,” he tells you, the both of you watching as your hips unconsciously grind into his palm. Even when you tell yourself you need to stop, your body feels heavenly being touched by him, so you physically can’t.

“I can’t,” you reiterate, and muffle a moan against the side of his face when he presses a finger down on where he knows your clit is hiding. The thin leggings you’d worn did nothing to spare you.

“God, you’re so fucking sexy,” he sighs, watching you work yourself on his hand. He traces his index finger over the seam of your leggings, where your folds meet and you moan again. “You gonna let me finish you off, princess? Gonna let me finger your tight little pussy until you cry? But I bet you’d make the prettiest noises if I licked you down there. Or are you gonna cum in your panties like this?”

All the different ideas he stuffs into your brain are overwhelming, especially when the only thing you really want is to be stuffed with his fingers and cock. “J-Just do it,” you beg.

“Do what?” He plays, watching the way your face contorted with every brush against your mound.

“Whatever you want,” you cry, biting down on your fist to stop any more noises from spilling out.

Jeongguk smiles, pressing a kiss to the corner of your mouth. Such a simple gesture, but it has your stomach somersaulting. God, you needed this. You were practically sobbing for his dick, which was embarrassing in itself, but actually getting dicked down sort of cancelled it out. PEMDAS or whatever.

Just as his hand creeps to the hem of your leggings, there’s a rattle of the doorknob, and you jump. The cloud of lust that had engulfed you two fades away and you’re suddenly aware of the jingling of a key outside.

“What the fuck,” Jeongguk whisper-shouts, looking absolutely scandalized that his roommate is coming home at this moment of all moments.

“Should I hide?” You whisper back, never having been in such a situation before. Jeongguk looks at you like you’re stupid.

“Just,” he sighs, standing up. He ruffles his hair anxiously. “Just… act natural.”

You sit perfectly still. “Not like a Sim!!”

“Captain Underpants and the Invasion of the Incredibly Naughty Cafeteria Ladies from Outer Space (and the Subsequent Assault of the Equally Evil Lunchroom Zombie Nerds),” you read, gasping for breath by the end of it. Jeongguk beams at you. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

“Nope,” Jeongguk says, leaning over the counter and watching as you scan his book under his name. “I’ll let you know how it is.”

You roll your eyes, writing down the return date on a piece of paper you stuff inside. “Please do, I’m absolutely dying to read this book.”

You hand the book over to Jeongguk, and try to ignore the way he stares at you for a second too long. Namjoon chooses this exact moment to take his lunch break, sauntering off whistling the the Angry Birds tune.

Right before Jeongguk can jump into an interrogation, the door swings open and Jisoo from your sociology elective saunters in, carrying the same mountain of books you had checked out for her two weeks ago.

“___, hi!” She exclaims right away. She, too, was infected with the same bimbo disease as Jeongguk, the one where they both had no concept of being quiet in a library.

“Hi,” you greet back, immediately standing to take the books from her. “Did you actually read through all of these?” You ask, trying to make polite small talk. You’re not particularly close to her, but it’d be rude to act like you didn’t know her.

She laughs at your comment. “Oh god, no. I just open random pages and reference them for essays,” she admits.

You try to make more small talk with her as you scan through her books, but the girl literally almost hit the material limit, which is fifty books, so you soon become consumed in scanning the barcode, briefly flipping through the book for any damage, and then repeating it all over. You’re not surprised when she drifts away, and you’re mentally cursing Namjoon for going on break now of all times.

It’s about ten minutes later when you’re all done, the computer’s library system going haywire on you, the same way it had when she first checked out all these books. You look away from the screen, standing to face Jisoo, only to find she’s drifted to the other end of the welcome desk, where a certain someone had gone to while you served her.

Oh.

You’re not anticipating the wave of jealousy that hits you watching gorgeous, smart Jisoo talk to Jeongguk. She matches him perfectly, both so beautiful it hurts. It’s when she says something to him that you snap out of it. “When can I come over again?” Soft enough that you wouldn’t have heard if you hadn’t been paying attention.

Jeongguk’s toying with a bookmark stand, but you still see the quirk of his lips on his face when she says that.

All you can do is watch from the sidelines, so close yet somehow miles away as he says something back to her that gets drowned out by the thundering of your heart. You suppose it’s only natural for a guy like Jeongguk to flirt with girls, and he’d never said he only, exclusively wanted you. Really, you shouldn’t be as surprised.

But you are.

You’re surprised and, dare you say it, discouraged by the scene. He’d been so eager to finally win you over the other night, so much so that he made you feel special with every word he uttered and every look he gave you. You’d almost believed in his sincerity, but seeing him so easily converse with Jisoo about whatever past they have, served as a cold reminder that you and Jeongguk believe in two completely different relationship styles.

So you sit back down, gnawing on your lip as you try to do other duties, clicking around uselessly on your computer until eventually, Jisoo wanders back.

“Am I all set?” She smiles, and you can’t even find it in you to dislike her. You plaster on your best customer service smile, nodding and handing her back her library card. She thanks you three times over for the hassle, before waving goodbye to you and Jeongguk.

When the door falls shut behind her, you immediately drop the facade, though Jeongguk doesn’t seem to notice. “Whew. She left a lot of work for you,” he laughs, eyeing the big stack beside you. You don’t even bother responding, as, at that moment, Namjoon returns from his lunch break.

(How convenient! You swear this fucker had a sixth sense for knowing when work was about to become hard.)

“Joon, I’m taking my break now,” you announce, and Namjoon stares at you like a deer in headlights, the last bite of a sandwich raised to his mouth.

“Uh,” he says, 140 IQ and all. He glances behind you at Jeongguk, who also is confused as all hell. “Okay, then.”

“___?” Jeongguk questions. You stalk off, pushing the gate away from the desk before bursting into the employee break room right across from it.

You cry the moment you get home, and Dahyun jumps ten feet out of her bed in shock. Her girlfriend, Momo, is sitting on the floor painting her toes. “Oh no,” she cries, sweet and understanding in all the ways Dahyun wasn’t. “My poor baby, what’s wrong?” She asks, waddling over in the my-nail-polish-hasn’t-dried-yet way to hug you.

“He was flirting with another girl,” you sob, dropping your bag by the door as Momo continues fawning over you, wiping your face with tissues. Dahyun gets out of bed, cracks her fingers, and promptly announces:

“I’m gonna kill him.”

Initially, you would have let her. But after a while you manage to calm down, loud Kim Kardashian sobs fading into tiny hiccups as the two of them coddle you. You tell them all about what terrible, good for nothing Jeongguk did, and in true female solidarity, they vow to kick his ass for you. Eventually, you settle on not whooping his ass, just cutting any romantic notions with him off to avoid further heartbreak. After all, you were kinda friends before you had your little crush revelation.

It’s later in the night when you announce you maybe got 2% over him, which the girls count as an absolute win, but then Jeongguk texts you and they groan at the way you jump for your phone.

jeon hey can we talk ? jeon did I do something wrong today? jeon felt like u were mad at me lol, and then u took a really long break and I had to leave for class so I didn’t even get to see u again jeon just wanna know if everything is ok

You read through the messages a couple times, and wonder if he’s being serious and didn’t see anything sus with his actions, or if he’s just toying with your emotions. Momo tugs Dahyun away to give you some sort of privacy, and then you’re left alone in your thoughts.

you everything’s fine ! you I just wasn’t feeling well lol

He responds right away.

jeon please don’t lie to me ___ jeon I know what you’re probably thinking and I just want to say it’s not like that

For some reason, him saying he knows you enough to know your thoughts irritates you. He obviously didn’t know shit about you if he was out here making you look like a clown. Your fingers type before you can even think.

you lmao you thats funny

jeon ?

you you most def do not know what I’m thinking so please just take my word when I say I felt sick

jeon lmao. what do you mean...

you you barely know ME besides the fact I work @ the library and dorm w Dahyun. don't say u know what I’m thinking, bc that would imply you know me on a closer level which you don’t

jeon ok seriously what's up with you? jeon im trying to make sure ur okay but ur just being difficult as fuck

you I’m not being difficult I’m just being real

jeon ur not tho, ur being defensive for no reason at all

you so? we’re barely friends and we barely know each other, how I feel is none of ur business

jeon lmfaoooo, so now we’re barely friends?

you thats what I said didnt I

You set your phone aside when you don’t immediately see the texting dots appear, assuming your dry response is probably enough to ward Jeongguk off. Your face feels warm, and you’re not sure if it’s from frustration or anger, but you guess it’s both. You’re not sure what set you off, the fact Jeongguk wants to act like he knows you, as if he wasn’t just chasing after you for some pussy, or the fact he wanted to act like some all-knowing being when it came to your feelings.

Eitherway, you’re extremely heated, grinding your teeth together when five minutes pass and he hasn’t texted you back. As if sensing the tension, Momo and Dahyun abruptly announce that they’re going to the ice cream place down the street, offering to bring something back to which you decline.

They leave, the heavy door slamming shut behind them. You get exactly two seconds of peace and quiet before your phone starts going off like crazy, all from Jeongguk.

jeon you’re starting to piss me off jeon drop the attitude baby. jeon bc I can be just as mean as u jeon and I won’t hesitate to make you cry

You blink. Every ounce of your body that had been consumed with an unknown anger slowly fades away as you stare wide eyed at Jeongguk’s messages. This was nothing like the Jeongguk you knew; he was soft and playful. He never raised his voice at you, and he’d never been anything less than a sweetheart.

you I don’t have an attitude

Is your feeble reply, too scared to reply to any other part of his message because you truly had no experience with this Jeongguk.

jeon so then put your big girl pants on and tell me what’s wrong jeon enough w this other shit

You sigh, snuggling into your covers as you absentmindedly tap the back of your phone.

you nothing is wrong

He doesn’t reply for a couple minutes again, but Dahyun sends you a text letting you know her and Momo decided to go to an event on the other side of campus, and telling you not to wait up. You reply back a simple ok right as Jeongguk responds.

jeon ok. so let me tell you what’s wrong then jeon you’re mad bc I was speaking to Jisoo today and she asked abt coming over jeon she comes over all the time jeon bc she is my roommates girlfriend

Your mind goes blank.

How embarrassing to have your mind read word for word, even more so when apparently, your worries weren’t even plausible. God. Instantly you feel stupid, replaying today’s entire scene and trying desperately to find something to catch Jeongguk in a lie. But other than asking that one question, there had been no other interesting talk between the two.

Your phone pings again, and you scramble to type a response, only to freeze at the words on the screen

jeon what blows me is that i don’t even owe u shit especially not an explanation jeon u don’t give 2 flying fucks about me. U just like the attention I give u and watching me make a fool of myself for u jeon I bend over backwards chasing after you, trying to get you to notice me, but you’ve done nothing to show me u feel the same jeon but you’re the one allowed to get mad when I speak to other girls? like u said “ that’s funny ”

Oh, no. Immediately your heart comes crashing down, and your fingers tremble as you watch Jeongguk slip away right before your eyes.

you Jeongguk you it’s not like that please you I like you so much, it’s just hard for me to

jeon to what? Get over your stupid stereotype of me?? jeon lmfao. Yeah that must be sooo hard jeon it’s whatever tho bc I had one of u too jeon my dream girl

This is not what you expected when he said he’d make you cry.

“Honey, you just have to talk to him,” Momo says the next morning, pressing a cucumber slice onto your eyes. You flinch at the initial iciness, but then relax when she brushes your hair out of your face. You’d gone to sleep a wreck, crying and sobbing as you thought desperately on how to win Jeongguk back, but everything he had said was true.

You’d done nothing but reject him since the beginning, had only just begun treating him as a friend, yet you instantly placed the blame on him at the first signs of trouble. God, he was right. You’d been selfish this entire time, and now he wasn’t responding to your messages anymore.

Dahyun nods from her cocoon at the foot of your bed. “I’m sure it’ll be easier in person, text convos are always weird,” she tries to comfort you. “But keep those slices on, those bags under your eyes are no joke.”

Momo smacks her calf. “Be nice! She’s going through a crisis.”

Right as you’re about to pay for your meal and sprint back to hide in your dorm, you spot a coconut head of hair facing the windows in the far corner of the dining hall. Fuck. Faintly, you can hear Dahyun’s voice shouting for you to stop being a pussy and go talk to him. You pause by the exit, one leg in one leg out, before saying fuck it. If worse comes to worse, you transfer schools and live with heartbreak and three cats for the rest of your life.

“I-Is someone sitting here?” You say before you can chicken out, and mentally curse yourself for stuttering. Oh, the social horror.

Jeongguk visibly jumps at your voice, wide doe eyes staring at you as if he expected to never see you again. After all, it’s been a week since your little fight, three days since you last tried texting him. He shakes his head, turning his attention back to his plate, but not before tugging the hoodie of his sweater over his head in a classic self defensive tactic.

You slide into the seat, staring at the plate of food like you’ve never seen it in your life, never mind the fact you picked it out less than fifteen minutes ago. You accidentally scrape your fork against the bottom, and the both of you cringe.

Jeongguk clears his throat, hands clasped together between his thighs as he stares out the window. “Don’t you have work?” He asks, voice raspy.

You shake your head. “I took the week off,” you confess, hoping he doesn’t press for more, because then you’d have to tell him your reasoning was due to heartache.

“Oh. That’s nice,” he says, and then you fall into a pit of awkward silence.

You push the food around on your plate, hoping he’ll say something, anything to save the two of you. In the end, he stays silent, sleepily glancing out the windows.

When you look closer, though, Jeongguk doesn’t look much hot than you. He’s got the same bags as you under his eyes, and his hair looks messier than his usual messy style. The fact he’s wearing his blue crocs out in public only confirms your theory.

After a solid five minutes of silence, even your hungry stomach managing to stay quiet, you decide enough is enough.

You shift ever so slightly, until you’re somewhat facing him and clear your throat; Jeongguk barely spares you a glance. “The Preposterous Plight of the Purple Potty People,” you blurt. Jeongguk blinks, face slowly morphing into one of confusion. Your cheeks feel hot under his gaze, having missed his brown eyes in the past week. “It’s your favorite one,” you announce. “Of the Captain Underpants books.”

After a moment, Jeongguk snorts, turning his attention away from you. “You’re not gonna win me over with that,” he says curtly, and your heart tightens at his emotionless tone of voice.

But you’ve done your research, and you’re not letting it go to waste. “You like George more than Harold because you think he contributes more. You love the characterization of Mr. Krupp the most, but you hate his theme song. You think the cover art could use some work, but you enjoy the overall art style. You hated the movie adaptation because Kevin Hart was in it,” you list, recalling every bit of information you’ve ever heard Jeongguk share about the stupid novels.

There’s a small quirk in the corner of Jeongguk’s lips, but it’s not the one you’re aiming for, so you switch tactics. “You hate the smell of bananas because you don’t think it should have a smell. You can’t put your left sock on first, because it’s bad luck to you. Your mom still washes your sheets for you. You know the lyrics to the original Dragon Ball series in three languages. You like wearing rings because it makes you feel like a pimp. You hate when Hoseok calls you the baby, because, according to you, you bench press his weight times two.”

“And a half,” he softly corrects, gazing at his hands, cheeks slightly tinged with red. You bite your lip, tentatively reaching a hand out to place on his arm. He looks at you right away, doe eyes so vulnerable and scared, like nothing you’ve ever seen before.

“I said we barely knew each other, but that was a lie,” you chuckle humorlessly, suddenly feeling your eyes tear up just remembering the conversation. “I know so much about you because I love listening to you talk. I love hearing your voice, and watching you wrestle with your friends, and fight with Dahyun. But I never tell you,” you bite your lip, blinking your eyes to backtrack the tears.

“And you’re right, I made you do all the work and I’m sorry, but I’m just so scared, Jeongguk,” you admit, voice cracking on his name. Your press a hand over your mouth, trying to collect yourself. Suddenly, a soft hand gently pats your thigh, and you find yourself reaching down to tangle your fingers together. “You can have anyone, Jeongguk, and you obviously know this,” you sigh. “I’m scared that I won’t be enough for you.”

“Hey, it’s alright,” Jeongguk says, voice soft in the way you’ve missed so much. His hand, shaky and unsure, reaches up to brush a tear from the corner of your eye. “Look at me,” he commands, and you do. “I think we’re both stupid, because I feel like I’ve never been enough for you,” he confesses with a chuckle you try to replicate through sniffles.

Suddenly, he’s close, forehead pressed to yours. “And maybe it’s true,” he says. “You won’t be enough for me, and I’ve never been enough for you.” Your heart aches at his words. “But that’s okay,” he assures, squeezing your thigh between his fingers. “We don't have to be right now, but we can try.”

You nod, clamping down a sob. “God, I hate how optimistic you are,” you laugh, and he smiles, cupping your face in his hands.

“And I hate watching you cry,” he says, fingers wiping your cheeks. Before you can say what you’re thinking, he’s snatching the words right out of you, “yes, I know I said what I said, and I felt like such a dick typing it, I made Jimin flick my forehead right after.”

You giggle, and he beams that dreamy smile at you again. “I’m gonna kiss you now,” he announces, and your heart thunders in your chest faster than the wings of a hummingbird.

And he does.

“I don’t know, I think Kevin Hart sounds great in this,” you mention, and you feel the hard scoff Jeongguk lets out from your position cradled on his chest. “It’s not the worst thing in the world,” you defend.

“You’re sick,” he says, then pauses the Captain Underpants movie to engage in your third debate of the evening. You’re barely fifteen minutes in. “You think that weirdo did George justice? How? In what world?”

“Babe, it’s just a voice actor,” you placate. “No one died because Mr. Hart voiced him.”

Jeongguk splutters. “Mr. Hart—you don’t know this man! And something did die! My hopes for a sequel!”

You shush him, pressing your index finger to his lips. “Enough complaints, Rotten Tomatoes. We won’t even finish at this rate.”

Jeongguk hits play, grumbling under his breath.

Just as you’d predicted, you don’t even make it to the halfway mark before Jeongguk’s got you on your back, plush lips working yours until they’re bruised, tongue halfway down your throat. “The mov—“ you mumble.

“Fuck Mr. Hart,” Jeongguk says, kissing down your jaw like he can’t allow himself to miss a single spot. When he reaches the collar of your shirt, he wastes no time tugging it off of you. You whine, instinctively covering your chest. “Don’t be shy,” he chuckles, “here, look-,” he tugs his sweatshirt over his head, and you’re met with the strong muscles of his abdomen and pecs, “-twins.”

You roll your eyes. “Just kiss me, Mr. Jeon,” you tease, wrapping your hands around him to bring him closer. He chokes, and mumbles something about saving that for another time.

Before you know it, he’s kissing between your thighs, soft lips producing the most erotic sounds with every smooch he gives. “Can I take these off?” he asks, one lone finger creeping beneath the hem of your panties, right where your hip is. You nod, biting your lower lip hard the moment he begins sliding them down. His hands are soft as they glide over your legs, and when he finally tugs them away from your ankles, he wastes no time nudging your legs open for him.

“Don’t just look at it,” you whine, jabbing his ribs with your foot. Jeongguk grins.

“Sorry I stare, you’re just so pretty,” he smiles, and you muffle an annoyed groan into your palms. “Gonna eat you out now,” he announces, finally, and you uncover your face to watch the way he lowers his mouth onto your throbbing pussy, pink tongue coming out to lick at your clit.

The first press of the wet muscle has your toes curling, back arched. You’d been craving this for the longest, and just as you’d expect, it’s better than any fantasy. “Right there,” you moan, reaching down to tangle a hand in Jeongguk’s wavy hair, the other fisting the pillow beneath your head.

Jeongguk absorbs all your tiny reactions, toying with your clit just how you like it. He rolls his tongue around it, making sure every part has been in his mouth at least once. When he suctions his lips around it and moans like this was getting him off, your body melts. “Fuck,” you cry out, your thighs quivering around his head. Part of you wants to slam them shut, hide from his tongue and all its devious ministrations. But the other part has never felt so good in your entire life.

When Jeongguk decides he’s pampered your swollen clit enough, he gives it one final kiss, wet and slippery. “Good?” He smiles up at you, lips slick with your juices. You nod, probably already looking fucked out. He smirks at your response, and your heart backflips in your chest, when he reaches up to knot your fingers together.

He kisses your knuckle and you whine. “How many fingers do you want?” He asks, and you blurt out the first number you can think of.

“Eight,” you choke, and immediately flush in embarrassment afterwards.

Jeongguk laughs, dropping his head to your thigh in a fit of giggles. He looks absolutely ethereal there, soft brown hair sprawled across your skin like an angel. “Smaller numbers, baby, please,” he chuckles. You shrug, so he decides for you. “How about I just use my tongue instead?” You think you might love him.

He settles back down, lips pressing against your mound one final time, before he’s diving in. You mewl right away, body becoming one with the mattress beneath you at the first brush of his tongue.

“Oh, Jeongguk,” you gasp, hands burying themselves in his scalp again. He hums in response, and the sound has every nerve in your body lighting up. His tongue prods against your folds, slowly licking his way deeper and deeper into your cunt.

The worst comes when he sighs against your pussy, literally sighs, like he’s so blessed to be there. “You’re s-so good at this,” you cry out, trembling fingers twisting his hair so tightly that you manage to pull him off just an inch. He pinches your thigh in warning, before stuffing his tongue into you again, absolutely plunging into the depths of your hole.

Just when you think he couldn’t possibly outdo this, he jolts up suddenly, nose brushing against your clit. His eyes go wide for the slightest second, as if he really hadn’t planned that, before flickering at you.

To your utter embarrassment, he takes one long whiff, eyes rolling to the back of his head in pleasure.

He pulls away from your dripping hole. “You smell so fucking good,” he informs you, spreading a fiery blush across your cheeks.

“Thanks?” You say, and he grins, shuffling onto his knees all of a sudden. You mope the loss of his tongue on your pussy, but forget about it the second he reaches for his desk and returns with a condom.

He tears the foil packet open with gentle hands, eyes weirdly zeroed in on that only. You nudge his hip, and when he meets your gaze, he instantly averts it. Like he’s suddenly shy.

Oh he was gonna be the death of you.

You tug his boxers down and get to revel in more of those bashful glances, but you soon forget about that when he grips his rock hard member in one hand, jacking it to its full potential. “Ready?” He says, one hand gripping your hip, the other his cock. You nod, and then shift up onto your elbows to watch him sink into you.

You can barely keep your eyes open, the second the tip of his cock brushes against you your eyes roll back into your head. You moan, letting yourself flop back against the mattress, chest heaving with each inch he sinks in. “Fuck, you’re big,” you cry, biting down on your fist.

Jeongguk chuckles. “Yeah?” He grunts, and then stills as he waits for you to catch your breath. He gives you exactly four seconds before he’s thrusting the remainder of the way in.

Your back arches off the bed, a high-pitched moan ripping itself out of your throat. “Jeon!”

“Relax, relax,” he croons, releasing your hip to lean over you, peppering your face in kisses. You’re heaving for air, so overwhelmed with emotions. “You’re doing so good for me, doll,” he comforts, kissing every inch of you until you regain your wits. “So wet and warm for me, you have no idea how bad I wanna just ram my cock into your tight, little pussy.”

You huff, heart still skipping by the time you grow familiar with the sheer size of his dick inside of you. When you’ve finally come back down to earth, eyes fluttering at Jeongguk, he gives you one affirmative nod before he begins really fucking you.

He starts carefully, like he’s afraid he’ll break you with one push. You’re thankful that he’s at least somewhat aware of his own bear strength, but you’d prefer if he picked up the pace. Before you can file a complaint, he’s hiking your thigh up onto the crease of his elbow, and ramming himself into you.

“Could already hear some smart ass comment coming,” he groans, snapping his hips into you with a newfound intensity. You moan, trying desperately to reciprocate some movements back.

“Wasn’t gonna say anything,” you gasp, fingernails digging into the skin of his shoulders, scratching lone lines down his back. Jeongguk snorts, pushing in, and then grinding your pelvises together deliciously.

He rolls his eyes, then chooses that exact moment to capture your lips in his. You groan softly, body boneless beneath him at the gentle way he kisses you, like his entire life depends on this single kiss.

When he finally releases your lips, he’s huffing against your mouth, hips having not stopped a single time. You know he’s tired and so riled up; you’d felt the brush of his half-hard member from the moment you first laid down to watch the movie.

But Jeongguk was a gentleman, through and through. You’d felt the brush of his cock, and heard the thundering of his heart, but he hadn’t pushed you further a single time. He basked in your presence, waiting until you crept your hand beneath his shirt to finally pounce.

“I’m close,” you tell him, reaching down to toy with your clit. Jeongguk had treated it like the finest treasure earlier, but now your gentle caresses feel mediocre compared to the way he’d touched it. Jeongguk nods, the tips of his wavy hair sticking to his forehead and the back of his neck. You abandon your quest to finish yourself off and focus on brushing his hair away from his face. “You’re so good to me,” you moan, lightly picking the corner of his mouth. “Don’t deserve you.”

He rams his cock into you, the arm not holding up your thigh weakening, until he’s leaning on his forearm over you. “Don’t say that,” he chokes out, and you wonder if his orgasm is as close as yours.

A particular brush of his cock against your cervix has you seeing stars, thighs clenching around him. “Just a little bit—more,” you beg, body writhing beneath him, pushing yourself up to meet his thrusts.

“So perfect,” he praises, kissing along your jaw. “Come for me, baby.”

You nod, but not before cupping his face in your hands, and pressing a sweet kiss to his lips. He makes a soft little sound of surprise, smile pressed against your mouth, and the heat in your abdomen finally explodes. You disassociate for all of one second, consumed in a wave of bliss never before heard of, his pistoning thrusts working you through it.

You nearly cry from how good it feels, throwing an arm around his neck to pull him closer. You’re babbling like an idiot, saying shit you won’t remember later. What you do recall is the chuckles Jeongguk had muffled against your neck, hips never faltering as he chased his own high.

He finds it a few beats later, the muscles of his back suddenly going rigid. He moans your name, somehow making it sound like it’s the best song in the world, before his hips begin stuttering in their mission. He eventually goes slack, slumped over you without completely crushing you beneath the weight of his muscles.

By the time you’ve fully recovered, he’s sliding out of you. Right as you go to speak, he stuffs two fingers into your sensitive cunt. “Jeon!” You wail, reaching down to push him away before you come again.

He snickers. “What? It’d be a waste to let it out,” he says, letting go when he’s decided he’s done his job, popping the digits into his mouth. You groan, trying to quell the excitement that builds in your chest from watching him suck your cum off his fingers.

“You’re the worst,” you sigh, snatching his t-shirt off the edge of the bed to tug over your bare form. Jeongguk tugs his underwear back on, retrieving yours from where he’d flung them across the room. When you’re settled into the blankets again, you’re not expecting the laptop to return as well. You raise a questioning eyebrow.

Jeongguk shrugs, nestling into your chest. “Hit play, this is when Professor Poopy Pants begins attacking the city.”

#kpopwonderlandtag #ksmutclub #jungkook smut #jeongguk smut #jjk♡#jeongguk #jeon jeongguk #jeon jungkook #mine

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snowflakechallenge · 4 years ago

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Fandom Snowflake Challenge #12

Introduction Post* Meet the Mods Post * Master Post * Challenge #1 * Challenge #2 * Challenge #3 * Challenge #4 * Challenge #5 * Challenge #6 * Challenge #7 * Challenge #8 * Challenge #9 * Challenge #10 * Challenge #11

Remember that there is no official deadline, so feel free to join in at any time, or go back and do challenges you've missed.

Remember the early oughts? Remember Web 1.0? And Geocities and blinkies? What about Flash games? It was only last month that Adobe Flash finally died its ignoble death.

In the spirit of those times, let resurrect some old LJ memes! (Think Buzzfeed quizzes but with less data mining (not to say that didn't happen)).

When I looked at my tags page, there were 159 entries tagged ‘meme’ which I guess is because memes were what I used to say when I didn’t know what to say. In the early oughts, I wasn’t new to the internet, but I was new to the interactive version of it presented by LJ and its clones. In order to seem interesting, I did a *lot* of memes.

As I explored back in my journal, I found a lot of memes that are now defunct, but I wish were still functioning. Like the Friends Icons collage, which seemed to be a bit of code that gathered all your friends’ default icons into one picture. And Quizilla seems to be a Teen Nick site now. Other links looked extremely sketchy.

Challenge #12

In your own space, resurrect an old meme. Leave a comment in today’s post at The Fandom Snowflake Challenge on DW saying you did it. Include a link to your post if you feel comfortable doing so.

The challenge: look at the list of old memes below (I’ve checked all the links to be sure the ones below are still functioning). Pick out one that appeals to you, follow the instructions, post in your journal, and then come back here and share! Make sure to tell us which one you did.

Here Are Some Choices:

Desktop/Wallpaper screen shot - take a screen shot of the background (desktop for computers or wallpaper for mobile devices) on whatever device you are using. This one was originally just desktops, since it predates tablets and phones becoming so ubiquitous. Post the pic in your journal.

I Write Like . . . - Paste a few paragraphs of your writing into the box and see which famous author has a style most similar to you. It doesn’t have to be actual fic writing; you can post your latest blog post, but the longer, the better the tool works. Although don’t go too long; it will just cut it off. It will generate a little bit of code with a banner, which you can post in your journal.

Music shuffle - go to your favorite source of music that can be shuffled. Your main Spotify playlist, iTunes, your YouTube music playlist. Hit shuffle. Write down the first line of the first twenty songs that come up. When people visit your journal, they have to guess what the songs are. Strike through the ones that have been guessed with the guessers name at the end of the line.

What Number Are You? - click on the phrases that describe you, and then post the text that you get along with your number in your journal.

What Kind of Shoe Personality Do You Have? Anyone who knows me knows there’s no way I would pass this one up. I should get my shoe mood theme back on my journal.

Fail Cat - If you have a PC: Open paint, close your eyes, draw a cat. Post the results. If you have a phone or tablet: Open the notes app, close your eyes, draw a cat. Post the results. (I do not know what program you would use if you have a Mac without something else installed like Gimp or Photoshop, Macs do not seem to come with a default drawing program).

First Line - Post the first line of the first entry of each month for the past year in your journal.

The Dewey Decimal System - find out which category in the Dewey Decimal System you are.

Nearest Book - 1. Grab the nearest book; 2. Open the book to page 123; 3. Find the fifth sentence; 4. Post the text of the next 3 sentences on your LJ along with these instructions; 5. Don’t you dare dig for that "cool" or "intellectual" book in your closet! I know you were thinking about it! Just pick up whatever is closest.

Spell Your Name - pick a category: movies, books, TV shows, musicians, songs, etc. Spell your name with the first letter of each. Your real name, your username, you choose!

Kleenex Moment - Pick the top five movies that make you cry, and tell us what the Kleenex Moment is (when do you reliably reach for the hankies).

Which Historical Lunatic Where You? A series of yes or no questions, which will give you a block of text to copy/paste into your journal!

Which SciFi/Fantasy Character Are You? Gives you a pic to post in your journal.

If you have a fav meme from back in the day, by all means, post it in the comments with instructions and links so we can all participate!

Check out the comments for all the awesome participants of the challenge and visit their journals/challenge responses to comment on their posts and cheer them on.

And just as a reminder: this is a low pressure, fun challenge. If you aren't comfortable doing a particular challenge, then don't. We aren't keeping track of who does what.

(If you want us to reblog your response here at our Tumblr, we’re tracking: snowflakechallenge2021.)

#snowflakechallenge2021 #dailychallenge #challenge12

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mypassionfortrash · 5 years ago

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Nothing Serious: Parts 1-3

With all your friends having married themselves off, having kids and getting boring, you turn to Tinder to fill your time. When you match with a familiar face, you quickly realise you’ve bitten off more than you can chew. (Modern Sugar Daddy AU).

Pairing: Roger Taylor x f!Reader Warnings: Filth, angst, daddy kink, morbid humour, strictly 18+. Notes: This was originally posted on my Queen blog (BoRhapRogerina) before I deleted it. If you’re new here, welcome. If you’ve read this before, I’ve reworked this quite substantially. I’m planning on finishing all of my fics for NaNoWriMo this year, so stay tuned for updates on all my WIPs!

[1/4]

It was a Friday evening, and you had just got off work. Not that you had plans.

All your friends had partnered up and gone away on romantic weekends away.

Leaving you alone, with no plans.

On the plus side, you had a laundry list of shows to binge watch, and a full fridge of goodies, that would most likely last until Saturday morning. If you were lucky.

Flopping down on the couch, you fired up the first show on your list and settled down, fully prepared to fester for two days. Bliss, you thought, absentmindedly opening Tinder for a glimpse of what could be. If you could stomach the dating game.

You must have swiped left on a hundred people in the space of ten minutes, never bothering to read their self absorbed ‘about me’ sections, or to look at more of their photos. Until Roger (37 years old, 20 kilometres away) caught your eye.

He was handsome. Recently divorced. And a musician.

He looked familiar, too.

But 37 was too old. Curiosity got the better of you when you set your search parameters, casting the net as wide as possible to see what the app would throw up.

It threw up Roger.

He was too old.

But too intriguing to reject.

So you swiped right.

And then went back to your show.

The Umbrella Academy wasn’t boring, per se, but every now and again, your eyes would be drawn towards your phone on the coffee table. You wondered whether Roger had noticed you. Surely not.

When the first episode was over, you padded through to the kitchen and flicked the kettle on. You couldn’t help but kick yourself for not giving his profile enough attention. He caught you by surprise and you didn’t fully absorb his profile. Apart from the obvious. You swiped right without thinking. And now, he was all you could think about.

What did he do for a living? Did he have kids? Was his ex-wife a total nutter?

You stood, drumming your fingertips against the kitchen counter, waiting for the kettle to boil. Until you heard your phone vibrate.

Never in your life had you moved so fast, darting through to the living room and almost knocking over a lamp. You picked up your phone and looked at your notifications. Sure enough, there it was, ‘you have matched with Roger.’

Throwing yourself back on to the couch, you could feel your cheeks burning. It felt utterly alien to you to even match with someone you were actually attracted to, so you were determined to make a good impression. Staring up at the ceiling, your lips moved slowly, trying to verbalise what you were going to open with and all the ways you could woo him straight off the bat. A simple, ‘how are you?’ wasn’t going to suffice.

‘How YOU doin’ tonight?’ Uncool.

‘Any plans for the weekend?’ Boring.

‘If you were a cocktail, what would you be?’ Better.

And then your phone vibrated again.

You looked down to see a notification flash up and disappear. ‘Roger has sent you a message.’

Your stomach churned. They never messaged first. At least he was keen, you thought, unlocking your phone to read what he had sent.

‘If you were a fruit, you’d be a fine-apple.’

You snorted, feeling your face burn up even more. It was a stinker of a line. A stinker that somehow made your heart flutter.

Just as you were hovering your thumbs over your keyboard to type a response, another message popped up.

‘Sorry, that was rotten.’

And another.

‘It’s really nice to match with you. Any plans for the weekend?’

He stole your boring line.

Game on!

[2/4]

You and Roger spent the entire weekend messaging back and forth about everything from your favourite films to your favourite holiday destinations (he cited dirty weekends away at his villa - wherever that was - as a top pick). It turned out he was charming, witty and ever so slightly filthy, without being disrespectful. Despite your qualms about his age, you were aching to see if he was as enthralling in real life.

It was Monday morning. Sat at your desk, you desperately clung to any focus you could muster for your work. But, in the back of your mind, you couldn’t help wondering when Roger's next message would appear. You prayed it would be soon. You had a mountain of paperwork to do, but precisely zero focus to follow through.

By midday, you lost hope.

Maybe he was too good to be true? Perhaps your joke about being ‘An Old Man Fucker’ was a step too far?

Packing up your desk to go to lunch, you decided to leave your phone behind. But as you walked away, you heard it vibrate.

You darted back to your desk and grabbed your phone.

Roger had a funny habit of appearing on your phone, just as you were about to do something. You scanned his latest offering.

‘What’s the difference between a tyre and 365 used condoms?’

Even without a punchline, it earned a giggle, which in turn earned you disapproving looks from your colleagues. You hurriedly tapped out a quick, ‘I don’t know,’ before stowing your phone in your pocket and following the mass exodus to the canteen.

Your heart felt like it was going to escape from your chest as you waited for the punchline to yet another dirty joke.

His response came quickly: ‘One’s a Goodyear, the other’s a great year! Doing anything nice tonight, gorgeous? Hope you're having a lovely day! I hate Mondays :(’

———————————————————————————————————

A few hours later, you were sprawled on the sofa, bouncing your leg impatiently. A typical weeknight consisted of a quick change into your pyjamas, scarfing down instant noodles and a side of hating the single life.

But not tonight. Roger was coming over. And you were determined to impress.

You had swapped your joggers and a plain old t-shirt for a short, black tea dress. Makeup on. Hair done. You even wore a bra; a rarity at home.

The seconds ticked by at an impossibly slow rate and Roger was late. He said he'd be there for seven. It was five past.

You got up to pace back and forth across the living room. Your mind wandered, anticipating what your evening with Roger would entail.

What would you talk about? You had covered a lot of ground over the weekend.

Would you watch a film? You knew he was into sci-fi. You could do sci-fi. Get drunk? On a school night, really? Maybe not.

Sleep with him?

That last question stopped you in your tracks. It wasn’t as if you didn’t want to. That was precisely the reason you joined Tinder, as tough as it was to admit. After speaking to him all weekend, you actually kind of liked him. But you just didn’t know him that well.

Your brain felt like it had just run a marathon when there was a knock at the door.

It made your stomach drop, and your legs turn to jelly as you scrambled to answer it; your mind blank and exhausted. With a deep breath, you turned the handle and cracked the door open, peering out into the hall.

Roger peeked through the gap, a mischievous smile on his face. “Hi,” he beamed. "Sorry, I'm late."

You flung the door open, eyeing him with a shy smirk. “Hi." That was all you could muster.

Roger quickly pulled you into him, squeezing you tightly. “It’s so nice to meet you,” he mumbled against your hair.

He smelled incredible. Like sandalwood and pine forests, enticing you to bury your face against his collarbone. “And you,” you sighed.

All those worries in your head melted away, but there was something between both of your bodies. Breaking away from Roger’s embrace, you looked down to find a bunch of flowers and two bottles of wine tucked into the crook of his arm. You gazed up at him, forgetting how to form sentences. It seemed like he did too.

Luckily he noticed your stare trailing down to the flowers and the wine. Red and white. He rocked on his feet, remembering what was happening. “Oh! These are for you. Couldn’t come empty-handed and I wasn’t sure…” He babbled, passing them to you.

“They’re perfect," you smiled, waving him inside, "Come in.”

You led roger through the hall and into the living room, motioning him towards the couch. “Make yourself at home. What do you want to drink?”

Roger shrugged. “Whatever you’re having.”

The kitchen felt like it was worlds away, granting you a short reprieve from Roger’s company. He was so much more handsome in real life, you thought, rifling through your cupboards. So handsome, in fact, that you had forgotten when you kept your wine glasses. “The ones above the sink, fuck,” you grumbled to yourself, throwing open the cupboard and snatching the glasses. You tried to even yourself out with what little time alone you had, pressing your hands into the edge of the counter and bowing your head. Deep breaths.

A clatter from the living room pulled you back to reality. You hastily dunked the flowers in the sink and grabbed your drinks, to see what the commotion in the living room was.

When you got back to Roger, you found him picking some records up off the floor.

Roger looked up at you wearing a coy smirk. “Sorry. Had to make sure you weren’t a crazy fan.”

You gave an awkward laugh, wandering past him.

“It’s happened before,” he added, getting to his feet and giving a shrug. “You’ve got good taste though.”

“I thought you looked familiar.” You sat the bottle and the glasses down on the coffee table and joined him over by your boxes of records.

He skimmed through your collection. “I can’t believe people still buy these,” Roger laughed, taking out a copy of Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Born in the USA.’ “Don’t tell me this is some new hipster wanker thing? Buying LPs?” he asked, eyeing you with his eyebrows raised.

You snatched the record from his grasp, screwing up your features. “I’ll have you know, vinyl is far superior.”

Roger rolled his eyes. “Yeah, with all that crackling and popping, it’s bound to sound better.”

“It’s all about the listening experience,” you sneered, taking the record out of its slipcase and placing it on the turntable. “You can’t be passive when you’re listening to records. It gives you more of a chance to absorb it.”

“I believe you,” Roger chuckled.

“You haven’t told me what kind of music Queen play,” you added, waltzing back to the sofa.

Roger flopped down next to you, watching as you poured his drink and handed it to him. As he was about to take a sip, his eyes narrowed. “Do you know something? I’m shocked you haven’t heard of us.”

“Why’s that?” you asked, glaring at him.

“Well, you’ve got the music taste of a forty-year-old man for starters.”

You choked on your wine. He was on to you. But now wasn’t the time to tell him you had spent the entire weekend researching his band. Or the shame you felt when you realised how big they were. Or that you had overlooked them this long. Or that you loved their work. “Maybe you’re just not that good,” you grinned.

Roger shrugged. “That’s just one woman’s opinion, I suppose.”

“I suppose it is.”

“I’m glad, actually.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re not into me because I’m a rockstar.”

“But it helps,” you admitted.

Roger smirked. “You’ve got a thing for musicians? Never would have guessed.”

“You could say that.”

“So why are you on Tinder?” Roger asked, turning side on to face you. “I’m assuming picking up handsome drummers ranks pretty highly.”

“Well,” you began, moving closer to him, “all I wanted was an easy lay if I'm honest.”

The corners of Roger’s mouth perked up into a devilish smile upon hearing those words. “You know, out of all the members of a band, drummers are definitely the easiest. Speaking from experience.”

Your stomach fluttered. But you just couldn’t stop yourself. You weren’t even drunk yet. “Are you?”

Roger’s face was dangerously close to your’s at this point, his nose was practically pressed against yours. “Don’t you want to know what I want?” he prodded.

“Not particularly. No.”

“I love a girl who knows what she wants,” Roger chuckled, drawing his calloused fingers along your jawline, tilting your face up ever so slightly. Roger wasted no time in replacing his fingers with his lips, pressing kisses along your jaw, before settling on your mouth. His hand was firm at the back of your neck, pulling you into him.

You put up little resistance when things became heated, slinking over his lap to deepen the kiss.

Roger’s hands squeezed at your thighs when your tongue slipped past his lips. He was feverish, needy, almost, in the way that he kneaded your flesh, letting out breathless gasps.

The feeling that things were moving too fast began to claw at your gut. Your movements slowed, eventually breaking away from Roger.

“Are you ok?” he asked, sweeping a stray strand of hair behind your ears. His eyes moved across your features. They were loaded with concern.

More aware of the music playing in the background than before, you moved in time to the last few bars of ‘Downbound Train.’ “I’m fine,” you whispered.

Roger took your hand and kissed your palm. His eyes saddened, peeking through your fingers. “Are you sure?”

You didn’t respond. All you could do was take Roger’s hand as you scrambled to your feet. Leading him out into the centre of the living room, you pulled him into you, swaying along to ‘I’m On Fire.’ “Do you like dancing, Roger?”

Roger gave a quiet laugh and pressed his nose to yours. “Only if I have the right partner.”

You danced slowly, intimately, until Side A spun out, leaving the pair of you rocking aimlessly away in silence. Your face rested against his chest, revelling in his scent. His arms bound you to him, and his chin perched on top of your head. And for just a second, you thought you had died and gone to heaven.

“Tell me something,” Roger said, breaking the quiet calm. “Are you really just looking for an easy lay?”

You continued to dance in circles while you thought up a response. Your heart was beating frantically at the thought you might have been wrong about what you wanted. “I don’t know. Are you just looking for the odd dirty weekend at your villa?”

Roger’s chest rattled with a warm laugh. “Touché. Are you going to flip that record or are we gonna dance in silence all night?”

You groaned into his shirt at the thought. It was near impossible. As hard as you tried, you couldn’t quite bring yourself to move away from Roger.

So he did it for you. He moved over to your record player and flipped the album over on to side B, while you got to work on refilling your glasses. “I love this song,” Roger said, nodding in approval.

“Are you a big Springsteen fan?” you asked, handing his glass back to him.

“Yeah, I mean I like the E-Street band more than the stuff he did on his own. But his songs just resonate a lot with me.”

“I’ll drink to that,” you said, raising your glass.

Your glasses clinked together. And then your brain decided to remind you that this was your first date. The nerves were back. For both of you.

The quicker either of you set about drinking more, the faster any awkwardness between you could dissipate. Before you knew it, you were on your fifth glass. And you had worked your way through yet another of Springsteen’s albums, ‘Nebraska.’

You and Roger sat side by side giggling away on the couch, but you couldn’t shake the feeling that something was off. It had you conflicted, though. Not wanting to come on too strong, or be too intense. But you weren’t keen on being sidelined by Roger. He was handsome, witty and it was so easy for you to feel comfortable around him. You could see yourself being happy with him; you felt it in your gut that he was more than the easy lay you wanted. But there was so much you needed to know. Your mind raced. And your face sank.

Roger noticed and he softened his gaze, running his fingers through your hair.

“What exactly are you looking for, Roger?”

“Do you want me to be honest?” Roger slurred.

You nodded.

“You’re not going to like it.”

“Just tell me.”

“I hate being on my own. I don’t want it to be that way.”

“I get that.”

“Now what do you want?” Roger asked, jabbing his finger against your chest. “Really want.”

You rolled your eyes, knowing your motivations weren’t so different to his. “I hate being alone too,” you admitted, not being able to look at him. Instead, you stretched out your arms lazily. “Guess that makes us a pair of losers.”

Roger looked away, his eyes misting over. “Guess it does.”

Roger’s sudden, sullen demeanour had you desperate to change the subject. “So where is this villa of your’s and how dirty are we talking?”

“What villa?”

Your heart sank. “You said you had a villa.”

“I have more than one, but I like the one in Ibiza the best.”

Your mind became a hamster wheel, wondering just how rich Roger was. “You have more than one?”

Roger was nonchalant as he shrugged his shoulders and nodded. “I have the filthiest times in Ibiza, but I’m not averse to the one in LA. Especially in the winter. I hate the cold.”

“How filthy do I have to be for you to take me out there?” you joked.

Roger snorted. “I reckon I could turn you into an absolute whore.”

“Well that sounds like fun.”

“You look like you could use a holiday.”

[3/3]

Your phone wouldn’t stop buzzing as you waited patiently by the window. Pressing your knuckles to your lips, you paced, keeping your eyes trained on the street below. Roger would be here any minute now. A suitcase and a bag sat beside the door, containing everything you thought you needed for your trip.

It had taken you three days to make the decision. You lay in bed every night since Monday, wide awake, trying to suss him out.

It was insanity at best, agreeing to it. But, you knew it wouldn’t exactly be a conventional romance anyway.

He made you laugh and put you at ease. And you would be lying if you claimed he didn’t make you smile exactly when you needed it. One particular remark - 'that villa’s where I keep all ten of my wives, chained up in the basement' - that was the kicker. It tipped the scales all the way to a resounding ‘yes’ from you.

‘Any time now,’ you repeated to yourself, trying to block out the racket of your phone. You had lost count of the number of frantic messages from your friends. All of them tried to dissuade you. But the backflips your stomach did when a strange, black Mercedes slipped into view told you everything you needed to know.

Grabbing your handbag and your suitcase, you burst from your flat, trundling your brimming case noisily down the stairs. Your heart felt like it was working overtime as you flung open the front door.

A chauffeur stood by the back door of the car as Roger fell out on to the street, beaming at you.

“There she is!” He stretched out his linen-clad arms, ushering you into a hug. He felt even softer and smelled even better than he did on Monday. He certainly hugged you tighter, propping his chin up on your head. “You all set?” he mumbled, kissing your hair.

“God, I’m so nervous," you squeaked.

Roger held you away from him. From underneath his dark tinted lenses, you could tell his eyes were darting over the windows of the flats behind you, searching for intrusive gazes and curtain pullers. Then his attention snapped back to you, a look of seriousness cloaking his features as he gripped your shoulders just a little bit tighter. “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. It’s your trip, you can enjoy it however you want.” He paused, looking down. The corners of his mouth perking up. “And I’m a bit nervous too, actually.”

Shattering the moment into millions of tiny fragments, the chauffeur cleared his throat audibly. “I’ve just put your suitcase in the boot, Miss. We should be going soon.”

“Yeah, thanks Lewis,” Roger piped up.

The pair of you bundled yourselves into the back seat. The saloon was cramped, unaided by you and Roger’s need to sit almost on top of each other. Both of you searched for something to say, but, over the week, you seemed to have covered everything in your texts and long-winded phone calls. From Queen’s creative differences in the studio to stakeholders messing you about at work with their half-baked briefs and their fake deadlines. You touched on it all. And now, you were wondering what else there was to say, as your knee constantly knocked against Roger’s.

Your thoughts turned to spending an entire flight in his company. How awkward that might be if you didn’t find something. And fast.

Luckily, the townscape whizzed past you at breakneck speed. You had only spent the longest ten minutes of your life in the car beside him before it was navigating its way through the airport complex. A wave of relief loosened you up, seeing the ‘drop off’ sign straight ahead. But those hoped were dashed when the chauffeur bypassed it.

“I think you’ve missed the drop-off,” you said, leaning towards the driver.

“Oh, he never misses,” Roger smirked, focusing on the view from his window.

You sank back, furrowing your brow as the car pulled up to a security barrier. You couldn’t quite pick up on what Lewis was saying, but it was enough to grant him access.

Your jaw dropped as the car rounded the corner on to the tarmac. “How the hell are you able to do that?” you asked, turning to Roger. “What about security? Baggage-”

Roger laughed, placing his arm around you. “When you’re in one of the world’s biggest rock bands, normal airport procedure doesn’t really apply, darling. But if you’re shocked by this, wait until you see the plane.”

“The plane?”

Roger pointed to the small plan directly in front of the car. “That plane.”

Your eyes widened. “You own that?”

“Well, it’s chartered. It’s very nice inside, though. Comes with a couple of stewardesses.”

It turns out ‘nice’ was an understatement. Never in your life had you seen that level of classless opulence. Your eyes were on everything as Roger led you into the cabin. Every gold accent, every marble surface, every red leather seat. Complete with two blonde and beautiful stewardesses who handed you a glass of champagne each. It was jarring, tacky and screamed ‘money.’

You followed Roger to the middle of the aircraft, where he threw himself on to one of the sofas with a relieved groan, sprawling out like a starfish. You roamed towards the bathroom, swigging away at your champagne, your mind overloaded by the situation. You poked your head inside the obnoxiously pristine cubicle. Ryanair hadn’t a patch on this. You could throw an entire orgy in here, and still have room for a few more. There was even a bottle of lube and a bowl of condoms sat on the counter. You had a feeling people like Roger used the plane for just that. “You could easily join the mile high club in here,” you thought aloud.

“Yeah, well I wouldn’t touch anything if I were you. Steven Tyler was in here last week. God knows what he gets up to.”

“Lovely,” you replied, sauntering back to Roger.

“I’m glad you like it." Roger observed you throwing back the rest of your drink. “You look like you needed that.”

You simpered, not wanting to meet Roger’s line of sight. “I did. And I think I’m going to need more.”

“More’s definitely good,” he laughed.

Without him asking, one of the stewardesses brought over a bottle, bending down at the waist to present it to Roger. It granted you both an impressive view of her cleavage. But Roger was having none of it. “That’ll be everything, thank you, Claudia,” Roger said, taking the bottle from her, his attention still on you.

Roger’s shirt was unbuttoned down to his chest, and your head had somehow found itself resting on his bare skin. You gazed up at him while he poured you both drinks and slipped your glass back into your hand.

Settling into a comfortable position as the plane took to the skies, Roger’s arm found its way around your shoulders and his lips littered kisses over your forehead between sips of his drink.

“You must be loaded,” you pondered. “How many years have Queen been going?”

“Well over twenty now, I think, why?”

“You must have seen a lot.”

“I’ve seen everything,” Roger chuckled.

“Where’s your favourite place in the world?”

“Hm, that a tough one. I love Japan. It always has this amazing energy to it. It’s brimming with people, everywhere, but it still manages to have a lot of calm about it. And the food? God, it’s delicious. Could eat Japanese food all the time.”

You raised your eyebrows. “Never would have thought that about you.”

“I’ll take you out there someday, you’ll love it.”

“Bet the industry’s changed a lot from when you started out,” you mused, turning from your side to your back.

Roger’s arm dropped around your waist. “You have no idea. It’s sort of soul destroying. All this streaming business," he began. You hung on his every word. "If people really knew how little we get from that, I hope they’d think twice and just buy a bloody album like they used to. I’ve seen a lot of good bands go under because they can’t afford to live.”

“And how have Queen lasted this long?”

“Because we’re not just ‘good.’ We’re more than that.” He sighed, draining another glass. “I’m glad we made our millions and constantly toured in those early days. Enough to outlast everyone else in the long run. Now, we can do what we like. God, I sound like I’m giving an interview.”

“I like hearing you ramble, by the way,” you encouraged. “Bet you’ve met some crazy ones though.”

“Some of them can be intense… yeah, but-”

“And you’re out there on Tinder for the world to see. Dating women half your age,” you jibed, sitting up straight. You turned around, looking at him. His cheeks were flushed as he nodded away, agreeing with everything that came out of your mouth. “How have you not ended up dead, yet?”

Roger batted his hand through the air. “No one pays any attention to the drummer. It’s that rotter, Freddie, everybody fawns over! And besides,” Roger paused, moving just inches away from your face, “You’re not planning to kill me, are you, darling?”

“How would you know?”

Something in Roger’s demeanour changed. His sleepy, half-lidded eyes turned glassy. Sinking in on himself, he looked away. “I’m a good judge of character. Or at least I hope I am, after everything.”

Unsure of whether your newfound courage was down to the champagne or the chip in Roger’s happy-go-lucky facade, you felt emboldened to ask. “Is this about the divorce?”

Sure, you had done your research. The internet was awash with gossip about his drawn out, acrimonious divorce from his wife of ten years. The vitriol. The scandal. But you wanted to hear his side of it.

Roger nodded.

Backing away, your hands fumbled in your lap. You crossed the line. Too much too soon. How could that possibly have been the case with you and Roger was anyone’s guess, but the silence that fell over you two had you eyeing the emergency exit, wondering if you could survive a 27,000-foot drop.

“Put some music on, will you, darling,” Roger said, taking your empty glass and refilling it. “Anything you like. Just plug your phone in.” He nodded towards a towering sound system at the back of the plane.

You went over to it and pulled out your phone. You felt like an idiot, but you had already made a playlist loaded with songs that reminded you of him. All before your time. Your finger hovered over the shuffle button, deliberating whether to put it on. You gave in and hit the button, letting the first few bars of Moonage Daydream to pour from the speakers, making the cabin vibrate.

“I love this song,” Roger said quietly.

You turned back to him, feeling the rush of nervousness in your chest, seeing the way he stared at you. Aided by the champagne, you began to dance. You could feel his gaze relishing every inch of you and the way you moved. The way you swept through the blistering rays that shone through the windows. The halo it created around you.

“Aren’t you going to dance with me?” you pouted, nearing the end of the track.

“I prefer watching you, darling,” Roger said, lowering his sunglasses over his eyes.

“What if I put on something you’ll really like?” you pushed with another quick twirl.

“Try me.”

You went back over to the sound system and scrolled through the collection of songs, pressing play on the perfect number. You glanced over your shoulder at Roger’s reaction.

“Cover Me?” Roger asked, raising his eyebrows. “I’m tempted.”

You shimmied over to him.

His foot, tapped away. His fingers drummed against the back of the sofa. A smirk on his lips as he looked up at you. “You’re gonna have to make me.”

You accepted the challenge.

In one fell swoop, you grabbed his shirt collar and hauled him to his feet, sending the remainder of its buttons popping free.

Roger quietly stood in front of you, dying to break out in a fit of hysterics. He desperately wanted to move with you. Instead, he made you do all the work.

But that was how you wanted it to play out. You wanted to be in control. To tease. He was so strung out that even the feeling of your fingertips curling through the hair on his chest made his breathing hitch. You prowled around him, working the fabric down his arms, pressing into his shoulders. “You’re so tense,” you remarked. “Don’t tell me I got you all worked up this fast.”

“You should be so lucky,” Roger quipped, attempting to play it cool. Full circle, you stalked into view again. His expression flipped from a broad grin to a look of false seriousness.

“That’s funny,” you began, pressing yourself into him, “because that cock of yours feels pretty hard to me. Did you like what you saw?”

Roger still wore a wicked smirk, trying to avoid eye contact. Instead, he concentrated on something over your shoulder, leaving you both in silence for a moment.

Then, when you least expected it, he barged past you, seizing your hand on the way to the back of the plane. He dragged you all the way to the bathroom. Bundling you inside and slamming the door closed.

Before you knew it, you were sandwiched between Roger and the counter.

His hands shook, fumbling with the buttons on your blouse, distracting himself with nipping at the sensitive skin on your neck. And taunting you. “So you like teasing me, Princess?” He murmured, yanking your shirt off.

Your fingers snaked into Roger’s hair, while your free hand took the opportunity to ghost over his cock through his jeans. “You’re easy to tease.”

Your sass was short-lived; Roger had taken to pinching your nipples through your bra, in time to his lips marking you up. It made you throw yourself back against the mirror, granting him easier access to the rest of you.

“God, you’re gorgeous,” he murmured, moving lower over your chest.

All you could do was tug your lower lip between your teeth, watching as he made his way down. Your bra was gone before you knew it, and his hands had already found their way to the zipper on your jeans. Roger kneeled down, lavishing your stomach with slow wet kisses, looking up at you through his lashes. His fingers clawed at your waistband, dragging them lower - your underwear with them - into a pool around your ankles.

You could feel that need spreading through you like wildfire. You struggled, even just to breathe, driving your hips against Roger’s efforts. Your fingers laced into his hair. It was a feeble effort at leading him to where you really needed him.

Of course, Roger noticed, smiling to himself. He grasped at your thighs, causing you to falter. “I can’t wait to taste you, Princess. Would you like that?”

“Yes please,” you sang, clutching the edge of the counter for support.

“Hop up there. Let’s get a good look at you.”

Without missing a beat, you hauled yourself atop the freezing marble counter, lewdly presenting yourself.

He seemed like all his Christmases had come at once. Like he wasn’t sure where to look, or even where to place his hands. They just skimmed, ponderously over your inner thighs, never quite going anywhere.

“Are you going to keep gawping at it, Roger?”

That drew a response out of him. The realisation that he was required to actually do something, rather than admire you for hours. Not that he would have minded. “Right, boss,” he grinned. He settled between your legs, dragging his thumb over your slick, pink folds, savouring just how aroused you were. “So pretty,” he remarked, before leaning in.

One long, lazy lap of you was all it took for all your inhibitions to melt away. Those tense and taut muscles in every part of your body loosened, while Roger’s mouth devoured and savoured every dripping wet inch of you. And then an almighty shockwave hit you. Roger’s tongue circled your clit, stringing you out again, forcing a surprised moan from you.

Roger’s quiet chuckles reverberated through you like tiny aftershocks.

It had you wondering what his next trick was.

He was hellbent on making quick work of you, his tongue zeroing in on your sensitive little nub, making you writhe against him. Ratcheting up your pleasure until it felt like all your nerves were on fire. And then slipping a finger inside you. And then another. And another. Curling them in on themselves, like they were daring you to claw at Roger’s hair with just a little bit more aggression. Daring you to howl louder for him.

“You love having that tight little cunt of yours stretched, don’t you, Princess?” Roger taunted, moving back to look up at you, his chin glistening.

“Yes,” you sighed.

You could feel your orgasm beginning to build. You weren’t exactly in control of your body or the things that came out of your mouth. But the words that tumbled from them shocked you, urging him on. “Just like that, Daddy.” It was as if your body had been torn in half out of shame and pure ecstasy.

Roger never said anything about it. In fact, you could practically feel him grinning as his mouth delved back down to finish what he had started.

“Oh, god, Daddy, I’m so close.” There it was again.

It raised nothing but a giggle from Roger.

Between that, his mouth and his fingers, you were teetering on the brink of something wonderful.

“Repeat it, Princess,” Roger urged, “tell me how good I make you feel.”

“Da-”

Before you could finish that sentence, you lost control, viciously trembling on Roger’s fingers.

You still saw stars when you came to. Roger had flipped you over, leaving you face to face with your own reflection. He was fumbling away in the background with a condom wrapper. “That was amazing,” you panted, burying your face in your arms.

Roger ran his thumb over your slit again. “It’s not over yet, sweetheart.”

You swayed your hips in response, smirking over at him in the mirror.

“You want Daddy’s cock in you, Princess?” His expression was just as wicked.

You nodded, still making eye contact with him.

But he taunted you. “I wanna hear you say it,” he said, drawing the tip of his cock through your folds, coating it until it was slick with your juices.

“Please Daddy, I need your cock inside me,” you whined.

“I’m never gonna tire of hearing you say that, Princess,” he said, slipping into you.

Roger was far thicker than you had anticipated, forcing a shocked groan from you as he stretched you to your limit. Of course, he was analysing you in the mirror, studying every small change in your expression. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” you sighed, nodding vigorously, “I think.”

“You want me to go slow?” Roger asked, rubbing the small of your back, gingerly sinking back and forth.

“No. God no.”

“That’s my girl,” Roger beamed, thrusting into you harder. “Tell me if it gets too much for you, Princess.”

It was already too much for you in the best way possible. The more pace Roger gathered, the more unsteady your legs felt. The more he threatened to hurl you over the edge again.

There was nothing left to do but babble on about how incredible he felt. You couldn’t even look at yourself in the mirror. Desperate to hold on for just a little bit longer.

“You’re taking Daddy’s cock so well, Princess,” Roger growled in your ear. “And you look so beautiful.” One of his hands found its way to your hair, pulling you upright while his other arm squeezed around your waist. He goaded you. “Look at yourself, Princess, look how good you’re being. Open those eyes.” Even just hearing him say those things sent a shiver through you.

But actually opening your eyes, watching him fill you. Seeing your skin, damp with sweat all because of what he was doing to you. The way you writhed against his grasp, your chest bouncing with every merciless thrust. The sheer lust in his eyes, glancing at your reflection, as he continued to taunt and tease.

“Touch yourself for me. Touch yourself, Princess.”

You did exactly as Roger told you, spinning hasty circles around your clit as that warmth built in your stomach again.

“How does Daddy make you feel?”

There it was again. Sending another searing spark through your body. “You make me feel so good, Daddy. Oh god, Daddy, it feels so full,” you whimpered, nearing the end of your rope.

“Are you gonna come on Daddy’s cock? Be a good girl and show Daddy how much you like it.”

Every time he said it, it drove you closer. And he wasn’t far behind. Your bodies were pressed so tightly together that you could feel the rattle of his breath and every animalistic growl that escaped him, growing more and more ragged.

“Yes, Daddy.”

Your head spun; he plunged you into delirium. Unable to focus on anything else, you lurched forward over the counter as it hit you. And Roger.

When it all subsided, you turned around to face him. He was already half dressed; jeans on, his shirt dangling from his hand. Your chest still heaved, your muscles ablaze.

But the look that Roger wore was something else. A complete one-eighty from moments ago. Soft, and warm, he pressed himself against you, glueing you to him. He draped his shirt over your shoulders, placing a series of kisses on your damp forehead.

“That was amazing,” you sighed, wrapping your arms around him.

“I never knew you were that filthy,” he chuckled.

“Well, you did say you wanted dirty weekends at the villa,” you mocked.

“How are you feeling?”

“Exhausted.”

“If you wanna sleep it off, I won’t hold it against you.”

“Sounds like a good idea.”

“Right,” Roger began, unsticking himself from you and unlocking the door, “I’ll leave you to clean yourself up. My shirt looks good on you, by the way.”

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sound of waves crashing drew you back to consciousness. Rolling over onto your back, you enjoyed it for a moment. Your awareness sharpened. Your chest rose and fell steadily under a light layer of silk, and a gentle breeze filled the blank space around your body. The last you remembered was falling asleep in Roger’s arms. On the plane. In the air.

Your eyes shot open to find your reflection staring back at you. Sitting up, you took in more of the room. The vast, empty space in the bed. The impersonal feel of the dresser to your right, neither a book nor a photograph adorning it. The way the red curtains wafted into the room. You craned your neck forward, catching the view out of the open balcony doors to be met by a bright blue sea for miles ahead. But there was no one there. No Roger in sight.

Panic seared through you as your legs dangled off the edge of the bed.

You sighed and embarked on a journey down the hall. It was lined with gold and platinum discs from all of Queen’s albums and large prints of the band in action. Portraits of Roger and his bandmates looking much younger. ‘Like fine wine,’ you muttered to yourself, sauntering through to the staircase. It looked out on to a grand, marble reception area with huge, marble doors at the front. It was unlike anything you had ever seen or been inside, and certainly not what you expected from Roger when he talked about his favourite villa.

As you began to descend the stairs, something caught your attention. Music. Finally, some sign of life.

You followed the sound down the stairs and through the hall, into a rustic kitchen. Standing at the island, with his back to the door, was Roger. Clad in white shorts and a Hawaiian shirt, he shook his hips to the music, in time with the drinks mixer in his hand.

“This song sounds familiar,” you mused, causing him to jump.

Roger turned around, his glasses askew on his face. Realising it was you, his form softened. He beckoned you into a hug. “Did you sleep well, darling?” he asked, kissing the top of your head.

“I did, thank you,” you responded, beaming up at him.

Roger shook the mixer, filling the room with the shimmering sound of crushed ice. “I’m making margaritas,” he announced, “want one?”

“I’d love one,” you said, breaking away from Roger’s embrace. Hauling yourself up on to one of the wooden stools around the island, you watched as Roger poured the drinks, finishing them off with a twist of lime. He looked rather pleased with himself, sliding it across the counter to you. He watched, waiting with bated breath, as you lifted the glass to your lips.

But then you paused, sitting it back down on the counter. “How did you get me in here while I was asleep?”

“I didn’t wanna wake you,” Roger shrugged. “Just asked the driver if he could give me a hand getting you in and out the car. You never stirred once,” he explained taking a sip of his own drink, nodding in approval. “Christ, that’s good. You must be the heaviest sleeper I’ve ever met. But you did nearly sink an entire bottle of fizz on your own so I won’t hold it against you.”

You laughed, taking a swig of your cocktail. “Good.”

Roger leaned over the counter, closer to you, smirking. “You know, the cleaning lady genuinely thought I’d snapped and brought a dead body back.”

That wasn’t the worst joke Roger had hit you with, but you had made a habit of hyping up the shock value in those little tidbits he shared with you, moving back in your seat, open-mouthed. “She didn’t?”

“Yeah. Guess what I said to her?”

“You told her you were getting laid tonight, didn’t you?” you said, slapping Roger’s arm.

He sunk his teeth into his lower lip, slowly nodding.

“Oh you sick fuck,” you scolded.

“I know you love it though.”

“That’s debatable,” you quipped, taking another sip. “I love this album. I feel like I’ve heard these songs before. What is it?”

“It’s 1989 by Ryan Adams.”

You slammed down your glass and slapped the counter. “That’s where I’ve heard this before! These are Taylor Swift songs!”

Roger narrowed his eyes. “No, they’re not.”

A mocking tone took hold of your voice. With your hands on your hips, you sat up straight. “Uh, yes they are!”

“She can’t bloody write songs like this,” Roger said, rolling his eyes. “This guy, though? Genius.”

“She wrote those songs. And, he’s a known sex pest, Roger,” you explained. “Come to think of it, that’s probably why you like him, right?”

“That’s a low blow,” Roger said, sliding his phone into his eye line. “So if I’m right about him writing these songs, what do I get?”

“A kick up the arse.”

“You make that sound like it’s a bad thing, darling.”

“And if you’re wrong, you have to take me to all the villas you own. I quite like this one but I’m dying to see what the others-”

“You’re right.”

“What?”

“She did write those songs,” he said, showing you the Wikipedia entry. “You’re right.”

“Told you.”

“Well, short of going to the other villas, what are your plans for the rest of the day, darling?”

“Oh, I don’t know,” you sighed, “what do you want to do?”

“It’s your holiday.”

“Honestly, I just want to get out of these clothes and chill out for a bit. I’m exhausted. Maybe you could show me around tomorrow?”

“We could go for a nice drive around the island if you want? Get some nice food, soak up a bit of sun.”

“Sounds good!”

“And just now, why don’t we take the margaritas upstairs and have a nice long soak?”

Like a pair of giddy teenagers, you and Roger raced each other up the marble staircase, and back into the master bedroom. You beat him, of course, and stood aimlessly in the doorway, wondering which door on the wall led to the bathroom. You hadn’t thought to find it when you woke up.

Eventually, Roger caught up. “It’s the first one, darling. But you missed the bigger bathroom, at the top of the stairs,” he explained, taking your hand and leading you back along the hallway. “We’ll never fit in that tiny little shower cubicle in my room.”

“Well I think you need a bigger shower,” you quipped. But you were quickly silenced by the sight of the free-standing tub in the master bathroom. Completely marble, again, with gold accents. You could easily fit an entire football team in it. But what struck you most was the view. The glass of the window stretched from floor to ceiling, providing you with a clear view of the sea and the beach below.

“Why would I get a bigger shower when I could have all ten of my wives in this?” Roger joked, sitting the margarita jug and glasses on the counter opposite the bath.

“Don’t you get worried people might see you?”

“Why would I get worried? It should be a bloody treat for them.”

You waited patiently as Roger poured bubbles and bath salts into the tub. Awkwardly thumbing at the collar of your shirt, you wondered where this was going. If this was going to be anything like the situation on the plane. You weren’t exactly feeling flirtatious anymore. You suddenly felt gross. Unsexy. As Roger began to shed his shirt and shorts. Finally his underwear. Your hands shook as you did the same.

“What’s the matter, darling?” Roger asked with one foot in the bath.

“What?” You asked. “Nothing.”

“Your face is like fizz. You sure you’re alright?”

You laughed. “Guess I’m not as bold when I’m sober.”

Roger sank down beneath the bubbles and peered over the top at you. “For what it’s worth, I’m pretty sloshed. You could look like Elton John right now, and I’d still adore you.”

“You’re not helping,” you said, tugging off your jeans.

Roger watched you, utterly spellbound as you climbed in beside him. “You’re right, I just wanted to get you naked again. What can I do to help?”

You looked at him with one eyebrow raised. It wasn’t as easy as that, but you had to commend his desire to try. “I don’t know. I’m still really nervous,” you shrugged, allowing the warm water to soothe your weary bones.

He studied you. The way his eyes darted over your features, memorising every detail, told you he was deep in thought. Wondering what he could do to put you at ease. But you could tell he felt defeated.

“This is all new to me too,” he sighed.

“You’re far better at this than I am. Waking up here, I had one of those ‘what the fuck am I doing?’ moments. I’m here. In a villa. On an island. With a man that I only met at the start of the week. And he’s far older than I’d ever usually go for.”

Roger’s shoulders sank. His eyes did the same, focusing on the margarita in his hand. “I don’t want you to think I’m some manipulative, perverted old man. I’m sorry if I’ve given you that impression.”

Roger was on the wrong track. You shimmied over to him and ran your fingers over his jaw. “Never! That’s the thing. I like you. This is the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done, and here I am, too stuck inside my own head to enjoy it.”

He keened into your touch for a moment, enjoying the contact. “That’s good,” he began, taking your hand and pressing your knuckles to his lips, looking at you with those glassy blue eyes of his. “Because I like you a lot.”

That was it. That was all he had to do to make you melt and throw yourself into his arms. You could think of worse ways to spend your evening, than watching the sun go down, in the biggest bathtub you had ever seen, with a handsome, filthy rich rockstar playing with your hair. “It’s just gonna take a bit of getting used to. Nothing serious.”

>>NEXT PARTS>>

#roger taylor #roger taylor x reader #queen

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arthurhwalker · 5 years ago

Text

Moving your Tabletop RPG Online: First Steps

Trapped behind a fortress of toilet paper, but still want to play Tabletop RPGs with your friends? This is my quick and dirty guide to getting started running and playing your games online. Toward the bottom, I'll have links to as many digital resources to help run games as I can find. I will update whenever I find new things, so check back, and comment on what you're looking for.

Requirements

You and your RPG table folks will each need a computer, tablet, or smartphone capable of running Discord, and accessing Roll20 via a browser. Discord can run in a browser as well, but I recommend using the desktop app on your computer, or mobile app on your tablet or smartphone. Also, I strongly recommend a headset or earbuds with a mic.

Every participant will need a Roll20 dot net and Discord App account.

https://discordapp.com/ https://roll20.net/

Discord will primarily provide video and voice chat for your table. It has lots of other potential for community building, but for right now we're just going to use it so you and your fellow gamers can see and hear each other.

Roll20 is where you'll host the game itself. It is where you and your RPG crew will roll digital dice, manage character sheets, look at maps, move tokens on the battlefield, and similar. It takes some setup, but not a lot to get started.

The more preparation the person running the game puts into Roll20, the nicer and more streamlined the experience. This can be done over time, between games. I wouldn't delay play to have everything perfect, just get enough set up to get started and go.

Discord for Gamemasters

Don't worry about setting up or joining a server just yet. You don't really need one, and it often just confuses folks that are new to Discord. At minimum, the person running the game should have all the players added as friends. Go to the Friends Tab, click "Add Friends", and put in their handle, pound sign, and number. Your handle and number will be displayed somewhere in the app depending on whether you have the mobile, browser, or desktop version of the app.

Once the person running the game has everyone added as a friend, they can add them to a Group DM. The New Group DM button looks like a speech bubble with a + sign by it, and should be visible in the Friends Tab. Once everyone has been added to the Group DM, the game runner can hit either the start voice or video call button, prompting everyone else to join.

That Group DM will persist in the Friends Tab, regardless of whether anyone is actually online or in the call. People that drop from connectivity issues can pop back in by just selecting that group DM when a call is ongoing. If people are having connectivity issues, they can send text messages to the Group DM, add files, send GIFs, and similar.

The person running the Game can post news and game schedules to the Group DM, and people can chat about the game off camera/mic in between games.

Yes, you can set up your own dedicated servers, forums, and communities using Discord, but you don't need to. In my experience, Discord is just arcane enough to confuse people the first few times they run it. The desktop version of Discord will continue running in the tray, by default, even if you close the main window.

Make sure you either go into settings and turn this feature off, or shut Discord down from the tray, and/or that you've left the call when you're done. Otherwise, you'll continue to broadcast as you talk to yourself, while browsing the Internet (to the amusement of your friends still in the Group DM.)

Roll20 for Gamemasters

Like Discord, Roll20 dot net is just arcane enough to baffle people. It has a lot of functions and features, and you do not need to make use of them all to get started. Don't delay play while you figure out how to get dynamic lighting to work, or build every map for the campaign.

Just get rolling with it, hands properly dirty.

Once you're logged in, you'll need to create your first game. Once you're logged in, there should be a shiny pink button labeled, "Create New Game". Click that, and head to the next screen. Give your game a name, and don't worry about tags (if you're just playing with friends). Pick the character sheet from the drop down menu that most closely fits the game you're going to run.

This will save you a bunch of time later. Don't worry, you can change it after you've created the game if you don't like this feature.

Once you've created your game, hit the menu button, and go back to Home. Click on your game, scroll down to invite players. You can send direct invitations to the email address they used to sign up for Roll20 with, or copy and paste a link, dropping it into your Discord Group DM text chat.

After your players have accepted the invitation, have them launch the game, at least once, so the Roll20 servers fully recognize that they are participants. This will allow you to assign them control of characters, and access to handouts later. This merely saves you the time of having to make those assignments at the first game.

While your players are in the game, have them go to the "My Settings" tab, by clicking the Gear Icon in the upper right corner. Have them scroll down and set Player Avatar Size to "Names only", and Chat Tech to "None" (no video/audio). You're using Discord (which is way better), so you won't need these features.

On your game's landing page, there is a place for Game Discussion where you, or any player, can post topics, people can reply, and so forth. For important game things, you can flag posts to hang around at the top of the Discussion Feed. This is a good place to put house rules, leaderboards, game schedules, and more.

There is also a place to indicate when the next game will be, the time adjusted from your timezone, to whatever everyone else has, depending on where they live. Handy!

When you launch the game to work on it, I recommend having the Roll20 Wiki up in another browser tab. I'm going to run through some of the basics, and give a tour, but there's too much to detail in a single blog post. I'll be focusing on what you'll need to just get started.

https://wiki.roll20.net/Main_Page

The game view has three visible points of user interface. The vertical bar of icons on the left, the horizontal bar of icons at the top of the chat log on the right, and the game board itself. The first thing in the Chat Log should be a "Welcome" message with some helpful chat window commands. At the bottom of the Chat Log is a toggle letting you change your role from yourself, to NPCs, monsters, and even player characters (should they find themselves charmed by a dryad).

Also, note the little blue Page Toolbar button at the top in the middle. This is what you'll use to navigate between different maps, and change what players are able to see on their screens. Your view doesn't have to follow what the players are seeing.

The learning curve with the Roll20 interface is going to feel very steep at first, for you and your players. If you're already anxious about running games, this can feel overwhelming. However, once you learn even a little of how it works, Roll20 is a very powerful tool. I use it to run my local games now with a big screen TV.

It's that good. Trust me, hang in there.

Okay, you're logged into Roll20, click on the games tab, mouse over it, and click the tutorial. Watching a YouTube video is a fine way to learn, but this gets you accustomed to the tools, where things are located, and so forth. Breaking through this initial learning curve, understanding where your game assets are stored, and how to control what your players see and hear takes a minute.

If you've ever used Photoshop or any image editing tool, even Microsoft Word or OneNote, a lot of the user interface will feel familiar, functions and features much the same.

Okay, some general tips that should streamline things for you.

Make a character called "Dungeon Master", "Game Master", or similar. In the Attributes & Abilities tab create several that are going to automatically roll for yourself via /gmroll, or for players using /roll, the most commonly used things. Passive Detection, Surprise, Random Encounters, Treasure, Initiative, and anything else you roll for multiple times per game.

Then, click the "Show in macro bar" box so they are on screen for you whenever you need them.

When uploading assets, give the file names that are searchable in an intuitive way. You can make folders and to organize your art library, but it isn't really necessary. The search feature is robust enough it'll pick through the pile very quickly, provided your file names reflect what the asset is.

Asset0023.png <- No GoblinShaman.png <- Yes

Finally, in the settings for your game, add any applicable compendiums for your game, and click the box that makes them available for players. There are compendiums for Dungeons & Dragons 5th Ed, Pathfinder 2nd Ed, Call of Cthulhu 7th Edition, Dungeon World, Fate, Kids on Bikes, Pathfinder 1st Ed, Starfinder, Burn Bryte, DramaSystem, and Dialext.

A lot of these are paid upgrades, but worth the investment if you plan to stay on and use Roll20 for any particular duration. You'll find the full list on Roll20 dot net, under the Tools Menu Tab, in Compendiums.

Roll20 & Discord For Players

In the beginnning your goal should be to have fun, and understand how Roll20 works enough that you aren't slowing the game down for anyone else. Worry about macros and navigating the game as you play. Definitely watch YouTube videos, read the Wiki, and do whatever else you need to feel comfortable.

But, first, make sure you are using best application available to you for accessing the game.

There are these options for Android and iPad. (Keep reading, don't just grab one of these yet.)

Android iPad

As far as I'm aware, these are horrible, 1-2 star applications with problems, and lacking in support. Only resort to these options if you've tried every browser (Firefox, Chrome, Safari) available for your platform, and can't get it on your desktop or tablet.

Likewise, do this for Discord.

Make sure you are accessing the Discord App using the best option for your platform. I have yet to find a platform where Discord isn't pretty great. Windows, Mac, iOS, Android, and Linux, all awesome with a dedicated app, or in the browser.

Figure out how to mute yourself, and be courteous to other people participating. No one wants to hear you eating chips or yelling at your kids. ;-D Also, perform and audio test with your computer and headset. Have a friend or the game master meet you online and make sure everything is working properly.

This is, literally, 75% of the battle for a game master running their first online game. Just getting people online with the right software, hardware configured properly, with a modicum of understanding of how it all works. The absolute best thing a player can do is be responsible for learning and helping others learn Discord and Roll20.

Preparing games for Roll20 takes more effort for the dungeon master than normal. You can help this along by writing background stories, doing illustrations of your character, or just making a wish list of magical items your character hopes to encounter. Taking some of the guesswork out of making the game fun for you, will greatly streamline the process for the game master.

Likewise, organizing games online is time consuming and stressful as compared to just meeting at the local game or board game cafe. Make sure you communicate with the game master your availability, and be on time for games. This sets a standard for other players. Supporting the table with your reliable presence makes it nicer for you, and everyone else.

Build some custom emote macros for your character in the Attributes & Abilities tab or your character sheet in the Journal tab above the chat log. Whenever my Warlock uses one of his class abilities at my 5e table, I click a macro button that executes one of these commands.

/em holds a rod aloft, summoning hellish fortitude! (Using his Rod of the Pact Keeper)

/em grasps a shard amulet around his neck, closes his eyes, and reaches across into the hellscape it came from. (Using his Dark Shard Amulet)

/em gains terrible fortitude following the slaying of an enemy. (Dark One's Blessing Class Ability)

/em produces a shadowy tome, bound in the hide of an otherworldly beast, flames leaping up from the script inside. (Book of Shadows Class Ability)

/em reaches back into the void, altering his fate. (Dark One's Own Luck Class Ability) /roll 1D10 [Add To Current Saving Throw]

This accomplishes three things.

It lets the game master know you're using a class ability without breaking the flow by babbling about game mechanics.

It marks the use of that class ability in the chat log for tracking purposes.

It enhances the game for other players, giving them a more vivid picture of what your character is doing.

Resources

As of writing this, Roll20 has a ton of things in the marketplace for free, tokens, maps, and modules. It is part of the response to people being stuck at home. I've included links to some notable items, but definitely cruise through all the things.

The Master's Vault, D&D 5e (Free as of writing this) Quick-Start Rules Call of Cthulhu 7th Edition The Lightless Beacon - Call of Cthulhu 7th Edition The Strange: Starter Pack - Pathfinder Playtest Flip-Mat Multi-Pack

Lone Wolf's Hero Lab things provide for Online Character Creation, Campaign Management, and regular old Classic Character Creation. It looks like they primarily provide online support for Pathfinder 2e, Starfinder, and Shadowrun 6th Generation, and classic support for Pathfinder 1e, D&D 5e SRD, and Savage Worlds.

For 5th Edition Shadowrun, there is a keen Character Chummer on Github. Also, this tool for figuring out your Priorities before you start writing things down.

For Star Trek Adventures, there is a Character & Starships tool here. Also, this fan site looks like a keen source for ideas and things.

@Tartle_Games on Twitter turned me onto a service called Astral. I haven't checked it out in detail yet, but folks that play Call of Cthulhu, Pathfinder, Vampire: The Masquerade, Shadow of the Demon Lord, Exalted, Forbidden Lands, or Fantasy Age should probably head there and see what they've got. It looks like those games are specifically supported for playing online, and Astral appears to be free? https://www.astraltabletop.com/

Even More Resources

PCGen

"Compatible with Pathfinder 1e, Pathfinder 2e (coming), d20 Modern, Dungeons and Dragons 3.5 Edition, Dungeons and Dragons 5th Edition, Starfinder, and many more..."

This service went into archive mode December 17, 2019. Take advantage of it while you can.

Fast Character

"Need a few quick pre-gens for a game convention or organized play group at your local game store?

Your cousin from out of town wants to sit in and join this week's game?

The party insists on hiring that NPC to join them for the adventure?

That failed stealth check got half the party killed and now the fallen are playing back-up reinforcements?

You don't have time to min/max your way through a character build but want to try something new?"

Support for D&D 5e, and Cypher System (Numenera, The Strange, etc)

Also, don't forget about ye old' Google Search for free assets and dungeon maps.

#table top rpgs #playing online #dungeons and dragons #vampire the masquerade #star trek adventures #pathfinder #call of cthulhu #roll20 #astral

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kae-karo · 6 years ago

Note

Katie I’m about to fly completely on my own for the first time this Friday and I’m pretty anxious about it. Do you have any advise you could give me about flying/the airport/packing/anything really? Thank you in advance :S x

hi b! ooooookay wow finally the 38 flights i went on last year will come in handy!

packing:

okay traveling by yourself if you’ve never done it before won’t necessarily impact your packing - just be sure that if you have a small carry-on bag that you don’t have any liquids over 2.5oz and remember that like. if you forget something, a lot of hotels (if that’s where you’re staying) will have stuff you can use for free, just ask them. worst case they usually have some stuff you can buy but most places are like really nice. if you’re staying with friends/family, just ask if you forgot something!

most people usually do like a carry-on bag and a checked bag, but just do whatever you normally do, and then make sure your carry-on has your id/passport, your phone, a charger for said phone, your wallet, any meds you have or anything you can’t go for the entire flight without, and then something to do on the plane (book, game, laptop, tablet, etc)

my necessities: phone, wallet, passport if i’m going international, keys cause i usually have to get back in my house after lmao, laptop, chargers for laptop and phone, a portable charger, headphones

here’s the hard tip: acknowledge that you probably will forget something. i literally travel almost every month of the year and i forget one thing every time. but it’s gonna be okay. as long as you have your id/passport/wallet and phone, things will be okay

before you travel:

okay so i have the apps for like all the major airlines and i usually try to check myself in right when i’m allowed to (24hr before). if you’re on southwest, set yourself a reminder so you can check in exactly 24hr before the flight and make sure you get a decent boarding number cause they do it on first come first serve

otherwise, just check in and save a screenshot of your boarding pass to your phone. i usually just do everything with the boarding pass in the app or saved to my photos but you can get a paper copy at the airport as well, and don’t stress if you lose it or w.e once you’re past security cause the gate attendants can print a new one (or you can just use the mobile)

oh the other thing here is you can sometimes choose a different seat whilst checking in? so if you see the one that’s assigned to you and you Don’t Like It, see if any others are available that you might prefer. i always go for the closest aisle seat to the front when traveling alone

and ofc you’ll want to make sure you have some kind of plan for once you arrive at your destination for how you’ll be getting wherever you’re going - taxi, uber, ride from friend/fam, public transport, whatever, just kind of have an idea what you need to do so you’re not stressing once you land

this one is one that doesn’t apply to me, but definitely something to check and look into if needed: if you have any special requirements or needs whilst in the airport or flying, ie wheelchairs or special accommodations or w.e, make sure you know what you have to do when you arrive

leaving for the airport:

okay first and foremost, depending on your airport, you’ll want to be sure you arrive at least 1.5hr early (this is like my personal rule of thumb bc i usually fly in and out of moderately large airports and i have Massive Paranoia about traveling for some reason?? even though i take like 12+ trips a year? but most places require no less than 40ish minutes ahead of time, that’s like super tight though i do Not recommend) - keep in mind like. traffic and stuff, if you’re going to the airport during rush hour or w.e make time for that

if you’re not familiar with your airport and like getting in (bc there’s usually a massive amount of like exits and ‘turn here for this’ sort of things) talk to someone who is familiar with it or like. google maps it ahead of time and street view walk yourself through it, whatever you need to do to feel comfy so if you’re the one driving, you know where to go to park/etc. if you’re ubering or having someone drop you off, just be sure you know which airline you’re on as they’ll drop you off in the right place

checking in:

okay if you’re already checked in and you don’t have a checked bag, you can head straight to security, but if you do need to check your bag, use the kiosks they’re always faster and you don’t have to wait in line. it’s pretty self-explanatory, usually, just enter the identifying info and it’ll probably note that you’re already checked in and just say you have a bag to check. you can also print a physical boarding pass here if you want. the kiosk will print out your luggage tag and just follow the instructions to attach it to the bag. there’ll be like a drop off point (they’re usually p well-labeled) up by the actual people at desks so just head up there and have your id/passport and boarding pass ready cause they’ll want to check them

security:

okay 9 times out of 10 you probably will Not have tsa precheck but if you do, it’ll be somewhere on your boarding pass and you should look for/ask someone about the nearest tsa precheck line. it’s just convenient, cause you don’t have to remove laptops or take your shoes off and it’s usually the shortest line

if you don’t have tsa precheck, just find the nearest (and shortest) security line and have your id and boarding pass ready. if you’re using a mobile boarding pass, lock your screen rotation if you’ll be using the picture you took instead of the app (this is the most annoying thing lmao i’ve done it too many times and usually just try to use the app when i can cause it’ll lock the rotation and go full brightness automatically). then you’ll have to put the phone on the lil scanner and it’ll beep when it’s scanned and done

now, again, if you have any special needs whilst going through security, you’re probably familiar with what you’d have to do if it differs from the standard procedure, but otherwise just go through as you normally would

between security and boarding:

do whatever u want basically. get food, if you need it or if you think you’ll need it whilst on the flight. drinks are usually hella expensive so i try to bring my refillable water bottle (empty!) and then refill once i’m past security

basically how you spend this time is totally up to you. i usually grab food as needed then go chill by my gate, if it’s an airport i’m familiar with and i know how long it’ll take to get wherever i need to go, but you may be more comfy just finding your gate first and then sticking nearby to get anything you need. also i’m a big fan of the charging areas which a lot of airports have now, so if u wanna charge up i recommend

boarding:

every airline is different but there’ll usually be some kind of boarding group or order listed on your boarding pass, so just keep that in mind (ie american has like,,,,6 boarding groups? united has 9, southwest has their whole a/b/c groups, etc etc etc i think one even has like a 2a 2b or something idk that might’ve been in the uk but just look on your boarding pass) if you’re confused or w.e don’t be afraid to ask one of the gate attendants that stand at the front

basically nothing here is all that different if you’re alone, just pay attention when they start boarding and listen for your group, same rule of thumb goes with turning your phone on screen-rotation lock when you go to scan your boarding pass (if it’s the mobile pic you saved)

the goal here with boarding is to go as quickly as you can, but don’t stress if it takes you a second to get in your row! it’s okay, people aren’t as in a rush as they seem. definitely try to fit ur stuff under your seat cause otherwise it’s a pain to get up and get it from the overhead bins

the flight:

honestly just sit back relax and do whatever u normally do! usually there’s no reason this would be any different when traveling alone. aside from sitting near strangers which is annoying sometimes but in my experience if u pop some headphones in everyone leaves u alone

after the flight:

i mean generally just head out into the airport u landed in and look for baggage claim signs - regardless of whether u checked a bag or not, most ground transport out of the airport is near the baggage claim. so just follow signs (and generally the people leaving the plane) and make your way there. if you get lost, again, don’t feel bad abt asking someone to point you in the right direction

if u have a bag, most places have a display board that says which baggage claim you’re at (if they didn’t announce it on the plane when you landed) and you can wait there

once ur done, depending on your mode of transport out, you can follow signs! many of the bigger airports now have designated sections for rideshares like uber and lyft as well

i hope that helps b! you’ll be fine, don’t stress too much :) i hope you’re traveling for a good/fun reason at least!

#travel #advice #anon #ask #kt

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lindsaydoeslanguages · 5 years ago

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Language Learning Goals: #ClearTheList – August 2019

I’ve got just weeks before my Korean learning over the past few months gets put to the test…with that in mind, here’s my language learning goals for August 2019.

Your Free Language Planner

As always, be sure to download your free My Month in Languages Planner by clicking the image below. This’ll help you lay some solid plans and goals for the month to ensure you actually get everything done that you want to.

And remember, if it’s more planning goodies you’re after, The Solo Language Learner Planner is always available for you here.

What happened in July?

A few exciting things to share for you about July’s happenings before we dive into the language review and goals for next month!

No. 1 – Polyglot Cruise is coming!

In Spring 2020, Kris Broholm is hosting the first ever Polyglot Cruise. It’s happening in the Mediterranean and it’s going to be awesome. For more details, the best thing to do is check this post and watch the video interview I did with Kris to find out more.

No. 2 – FluentU Review

I first reviewed FluentU back in 2015 so it was time for a well-overdue review of this language learning app. Take a look and catch up here.

No. 3 – The Ultimate List of Language Learning Resources

I’ve been working on this for ages. Adding links, then leaving it for months then going back in to add more…it’s still not *finished* but my plan is to add new links and updates to The Ultimate List of Language Learning Resources monthly. Click the image below to get access now.

Language Learning Review for July

italki lessons weekly – My italki plan was to have weekly lessons. Actually, I exceeded this and found a second tutor to have additional lessons with as well!

I did this in part because I won’t be as available for lessons in August. This means most of my study time for July was spent with tutors on Skype so the other goals didn’t happen as much.

Drops – I’ve been using Drops to increase my Korean vocabulary for 5 minutes each day, typically in the morning when I’m having my tea at the end of breakfast. This is the one other habit that’s mostly stuck as it’s unaffected my my normal study time being used for lessons.

KoreanClass101 – I haven’t been using KoreanClass101 as much in July because of the italki lessons.

LingQ – Again, haven’t used LingQ at all due to the lessons I’ve been having.

Eggbun – Same story with Eggbun!

Duolingo – Duolingo is the only other thing I have been able to use a little still despite the lessons!

Expanding on Notes – I planned to expand my notes but it makes the most sense to me to do this when I’ve finished my current notebook. I’m just a couple of pages off so might make it before we leave for our summer holiday…!

Language Learning Goals for August

Korean

I’m not setting myself any actual goals for August because there’s just a week or so until we leave for two weeks in Spain, and then I fly directly to South Korea. Looking forward to actually being able to use Korean IRL for the first time!

But Korean will be my focus for what little time we have. I’ve got 2 lessons scheduled this week, and will try and do Drops to at least finish the Travel Talk section.

Your Free Language Planner

Got more time to learn than me this month? You need to grab a copy of the My Month In Languages Planner!

Missed it up top? It’s free when you join my email list by clicking the image below.

Join Clear The List + Share Your Goals!

1. Share your goal post whether it includes your aspirations for the month or year. Submissions unrelated to the theme or links to your homepage will be deleted.

2. Link back to this post. You can use our button code below if you wish.

3. Follow the hosts: Lindsay from Lindsay Does Languages and Shannon from Eurolinguiste.

4. THIS IS THE MOST IMPORTANT RULE: Please visit the site of the person who linked up immediately before you and leave them an encouraging comment! By hosting this linkup, we’re hoping to create a positive community where we can all share our goals. If you do not do this, you will be removed from the linkup.

5. Share on social media using #ClearTheList.

Inlinkz Link Party

How did your language learning go this month? What are your language goals for next month? Share in the comments below!

The post Language Learning Goals: #ClearTheList – August 2019 appeared first on Lindsay Does Languages.

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loadcare65 · 3 years ago

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Gps Call Tracker

Free Gps Trackers

Gps Call Tracker

Comes with various attachments to secure it to an object, person or animal. Garmin astro 220 tracking system. Tracki gives me notices of “start” movement and when crossing a geo-fence. It shows direction and stop locations on detailed maps. It can be used to contact my phone in case of an emergency. Call GPS SMS Tracker ☆ This is a free application keeps track of all your SMS, Calls and Locations data. ☆ To get a copy of all SMS, Calls and Locations data in case of loss/theft of the phone. ☆ To monitor the SMS, Calls and Locations data from your children. Comes with various attachments to secure it to an object, person or animal. Tracki gives me notices of “start” movement and when crossing a geo-fence. It shows direction and stop locations on detailed maps. It can be used to contact my phone in case of an emergency.

Call GPS SMS Tracker ☆ This is a free application keeps track of all your SMS, Calls and Locations data. ☆ To get a copy of all SMS, Calls and Locations data in case of loss/theft of the phone. ☆ To monitor the SMS, Calls and Locations data from your children.

GPS Mobile Number Tracker. Track any cell phone number online for free. Based on history location data such as GPS, WiFi connection and cell tower triangulation, this online locator finds a phone worldwide, 100% free of charge. Just enter any number below and hit search, it will show the proximate location on Google Maps in a short while if location found.

Number one call tracking software compatible with all type of devices – FoneTracker App

In the current era, the existing and trending devices are more useful resources. There are many devices available in the market that makes a person life a lot easier with some of the most efficient and innovative features. As the increased use of mobile phones, there are many factors to be considered. In many cases when you really need to know what is really going to a person cell phone. However, this task is not that easy. So to make this task easy for you and to help you in finding a perfect spying partner, in this article I will try my best to provide relevant and possible answers.

Till now, spying on a person phone without accessing its phone seems to be difficult, however, the FoneTracker avails you with some latest service let you make this possible. With the advancement of technology, things have been changed, now you can do everything with the help of tech. The presence of spyware allows you to spy a person phone in the simplest manner. This application is designed in a way that makes spying task easier, accurate and convenient. Here in this article, we are with some important thing that you are actually seeking in call tracker.

How FoneTracker application works

The call tracker is one of the rarest and beneficial features offered by FoneTracker. This app works flawlessly in order to provide you the reimbursement of better quality spying. Initially, this application is generated to track over other person without their consent. This app allows you to dial a fake call from the target phone. You get to know about the places where they travel. For instance, your partner promises that he will back home early and come late because of an office meeting, then you can use call tracker to know the real truth. Once you installed this spy application in both devices you can receive an automatic call from the target device. Your target person never gets to know that you know what held on their phone during a call. Moreover, this application has a feature of ambient listening so minute giggles and noises can be caught. It is combined with other prominent features such as GPS tracking, call recording, and recording makes it an utmost option in the spying application world. Existing users of this app have a great experience in call tracking, due to this many new spy apps are introduced in the market along with this feature. The FoneTracker application links both phones when in a live call through the transmission of signals. You can use this application to block any contact from the target phone.

The Best Free GPS Tracking Apps mSpy Mobile Tracker is a leading gps tracking app for smartphones that allows parents to monitor text messages, calls, current GPS location, Snapchat, WhatsApp and much more. See all messages, instant messages, SMS, and iMessages sent and received. See the time stamps of all text messages sent and received. Free gps phone tracker app. The GPSWOX cell phone tracker app is a multifunction GPS tracker that provides accurate tracking and can help you find your missing device. Track a phone with GPS - Find your Android phone location.

Download and installation of FoneTracker

There are many steps must follow to get the call tracker app installed in the device and for efficient working. Here, you must be sure what of service you want. As this application needs physical access for downloading of spyware, are you capable to download this application on target phone? After considering these factors, you can go for downloading section.

Bo through below mentioned tips to get your personal call tracker assistant

Download app from the credible site- it is one of the foremost and essential task which you have to carry out for a selection of the right type of spy application. From this article you get to know more about spyware, maybe you stay curious and want to know more about them. But keep clam don’t perform unnecessary action. Go its official site for download through this link. Here you can read ratings, customer reviews and more about the app.

Read app terms and policies- unless you go through with app, you never come to know the complete details of this software. Before you start to download the application read its policies, terms, and conditions which developers were made. Don’t agree with any terms and conditions in the hustle. Check all the details required by the application such as privacy and safety of data, time is taken to perform any process, usage of remote control features, instructions and more. After being satisfied proceed to download the software.

Check out the features– it is an important thing associated with spyware is its features. Thus, you must do is, go through its official site and check out its features. Note what your spying task is, is this serving that or not? But surely you will get all defined features in FoneTracker. However, don’t stick to the only your aim look after more beneficial features of call tracker that it serves to you.

Pecuniary aspects- definitely, FoneTracker is the low-cost call tracker application available on the internet. None of anyplace you will get spy application in the lowest price range, you can compare all other websites and choose one who serves affordable rates. However, never forget to check the reliability in the offered price range. Going with the lowest prices lets you compromise with features and qualities. The FoneTracker is also available in the free trial version before you go for premium package try it’s a free trial.

Conclusion

So coming to the final words, the fine tracker software has shown its benefits, exemplified services, and other features in front of their users. It gives is users chance to be a better companion in their life. Find all what your loved ones are doing when you are not available. You can instantly track their activities and make your move today.

With this application, you can clear all the doubts and kick away all the tensions from your life. Now you can create better bonding with your better half, kids and employees. Be the best mentor of your kids to guide them in the right path for their successful life, you can resolve any problem of partners if he/she is hiding from you.

Instantly you can locate their locations where they are going in your absence. FoneTracker is available at an affordable price for its users. So what are you waiting for? Grab this fantastic opportunity before the situation gets slipped from your hand.

GPS Tracking has become a widespread activity. Every Smart Phone has a GPS option that helps to discover their location through satellite. When the GPS of the phone is switched on, anybody can easily track your location.

Companies like Uber and Zomato are using this service to reach your destination. You can even track your ride or your order with the help of GPS. But these features can also be used to follow anybody’s phone location secretly. With the Free GPS Tracker available with The TruthSpy app, you can easily track any phone’s location.

You don’t have to use a tracking gadget or device when you can use an app and a cell phone for tracking. If you want to know more about this feature, we can guide you. In this post, we discuss Free GPS Tracker and show you how to track the phone location.

Free GPS Tracker

It is a phone tracking feature available with The TruthSpy app. With this feature, you can track any phone’s location for free. You will get accurate data on the dashboard of your account.

However, you can use this feature to track your kid’s position to know if they are attending school or hanging out with their friends. You can also use this feature if you are running a company to track your employees. Stremio film.

Moreover, you need to use this feature with care. Make sure you do not violate any rules while monitoring location. As this app works in stealth mode, you can use it secretly. Your kids won’t be able to tell that their position is being monitored.

Features of Free GPS Tracker

Here is a list of all the features of the Free GPS Tracker.

Location List: You will get a complete list of locations on the dashboard. You can click on each tracked site to obtain more details.

Live Location: You can follow the live location with this feature. The location will be visible on the map, and when the phone moves, you will be able to track the phone’s moving location.

Past Locations: You can also check all the previous areas. The site is monitored after every interval of time. You will get accurate details about the former locations of the phone.

Google Map Tracking: The location is visible on Google Maps. You can use the map to track the current site. You can also use the options available in Google Maps.

Complete Address: You can check the full address of the location. The address is given in the list.

Latitude & Longitude: You can track the longitude and latitude of the site. It will help you to get more details about the location of the phone.

Date and Time: All the areas are available with date and time. It will help you know precisely at what time the phone was at that location.

Advantages of Free GPS Tracker

Here is a list of all the benefits of Free GPS Tracker.

Free: The best point regarding the aforementioned feature is that it stays free. Unlike other features, you can use it for free. You don’t need to purchase the app to track the location. You can use the free trial to get this feature.

Stealth Mode: This feature works in stealth mode. The app functions in an invisible mode to track location. Nobody will be able to detect this app.

Track Location: You can use this feature to track the location of the phone. It is beneficial for parents and entrepreneurs.

Accessible to Use: This feature is elementary to use. You don’t need any technical expertise to use this feature. Anybody with basic application knowledge can use this feature without any hassle.

Find Phone: You can use this feature to locate or find a lost phone. You will get the appropriate location of the phone, which will help you to determine it.

Accurate Location: You will get accurate data with this feature. All the features of The TruthSpy app are developed after extensive research to provide accurate tracking data.

How to Track Location using Free GPS Tracker?

Now that you know everything about this feature, let’s learn how to use this feature. We will explain everything in simple steps. Follow the given steps to track the location using this feature.

Step 1: Prepare the Phone

Before downloading and installing the app on the phone. You need to prepare it. It would be best if you used the phone secretly so that nobody catches you. Open the phone and go to settings. There you need to enable sources. After that, go to Google Play. There it would be best if you disabled Play Protect. Now the phone is prepared for downloading the app.

Step 2: Download

To download The TruthSpy all, you need to visit the website at android.thetruthspy.com. Make sure you visit the official website after that use the download link to download the app. It is free to download.

Step 3: Install

Once the download is complete, you need to install the app. To do this, open the downloaded file and click on install. The app will be installed on the phone.

Step 4: Account Creation

Now, you have to create an account. First, open the app and click on register/signup. Fill in all the details asked on the page. You need to enter your email id first. Then you have to choose a strong password.

719.6k Followers, 397 Following, 227 Posts - See Instagram photos and videos from 𝐷𝑎𝑛𝑖𝑒𝑙𝑎 𝐴𝑧𝑢𝑎𝑗𝑒 (@danielaazuaje). Danielaazuaje_.

Step 5: Delete Evidence

After you create the account, you have to delete all the evidence from the phone. Hide the icon and delete the history.

Gps Call Tracker

Free Gps Trackers

Step 6: Log in

https://loadcare65.tumblr.com/post/658694948071292928/video-transcribe. Now everything is setup. You can use your own device and start tracking the phone. You have to login first. Go to the website at my.thetruthspy.com and click on the login option given in the top right space. Enter your details and login.

Step 7: GPS Location Tracker

After logging in, go to the control panel. Choose the GPS Location Tracker feature and track the live location of the phone.

Conclusion

Gps Call Tracker

These are the simple steps you need to follow if you want to track phone location using TheTruthSpy – Free GPS Tracker.

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tech-battery · 4 years ago

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The Asus RT-AX86U Is a Wi-Fi 6 Router That Doesn't Sacrifice Looks for Power

Wi-Fi 6 has accelerated its creep into mainstream wireless networking, urged along by the similarly accelerating spread of gigabit internet. Until the last few months or so, purchasing a Wi-Fi 6 device has largely been a decision more about future-proofing and less about immediate gain. That’s quickly changing, however, with all manner of wireless device manufacturers releasing products boasting about blazing this and blistering that, and it’s finally time to take a serious look at 802.11ax routers.

The Asus RT-AX88U was an early entrant in the field, and the company now has several follow-ups, including our best gaming router runner-up: the RT-AX86U. There, I gave it credit for being extremely fast and for its restrained physical design. However, I took issue with Asus’s UI decisions. In the end, I concluded that I would recommend it to anyone looking for a good gaming experience. Now I’m taking an even deeper dive to find out: Is this router worth it for just any old person and not just gamers presumably reading this in a hoodie with some kind of RGB lighting and heat vents? I think so, and you should, too.

As far as the design of the Asus RT-AX86U goes, there isn’t much to say, and frankly, that’s a good thing. It’s neither a slab nor a monolith, neither an ancient alien artifact nor an air freshener chic pod (though it can be a Gundam, apparently). It’s black, it stands upright, and it has three stabby, removable, adjustable antennas jutting from the top. It has four outgoing gigabit ethernet ports—one of which is an auto-prioritizing gaming port—in the back, a gigabit WAN, and a 2.5-gigabit LAN/WAN port for those lucky enough to be able to make use of it. Two USB 3.2 Gen 1 ports give you a fast NAS if you’ve got a hard drive lying around.

Getting it set up is a quick process, refreshingly letting me choose up front whether to separate the 2.4 and 5 GHz bands. Knowing that I would need to reconfigure some real dumb smart devices, I opted for separation, and my network was up and running in about five minutes.

But it should be noted there are two ways to handle setup and management. One is via a lovely mobile app, and the other is via the browser, and I hate the browser-based UI of Asus routers. It’s just a weird, unfocused, confusing mess. If you’re the type of person who wants deep, granular control of your home network, but don’t want to shell out for expensive enterprise-grade hardware, you could do a lot worse than Asus, but prepare to hunt for the settings you need to adjust. Trudging through the settings reveals menus and submenus that stretch out seemingly to infinity, with an intimidating depth that would have most people regarding it with narrowed eyes and a feigned understanding, muttering, “Yes, I see,” as they slowly mouse up to click the X button on that tab.

The intro screen has a basic network topology map which gives you a diagram of what all is connected, and a section where you can split out your 2.4 and 5 GHz bands or update your network SSID and password. After that, you get the shiny feature-y stuff, the majority of which, like the specific data-type prioritizing Adaptive QoS, Traffic Analysis, and various media modes and security, is powered by Trend Micro.

Together they offer a host of security features in the AiProtection section, promising to block malicious sites, protect you from Distributed Denial of Service attacks, and network vulnerability attacks like Heartbleed, while also monitoring outgoing traffic for suspicious packets from virus-infected devices. Each tab under this section gives you reports of suspicious network behavior, with downloadable logs for your review. In testing at wicar.org, the router blocked all but two of 10 sites, with Safari catching the last two. It seemed to work well, though the experience is barebones, and unlike the rest of the settings for the router, there are no opportunities for customization, just toggles for each of the three categories of protection. But using this, or a few other key features powered by Trend Micro, will bring you eventually to this EULA notice:

It seems that in order to have access to Trend Micro’s features, you must agree to give them access to all kinds of data, which may include your e-mails or your web browsing history. It’s spooky stuff, as usual, but thankfully all fairly easy to opt in or out of, as well—so long as you can bear the ensuing message about the valuable capabilities you’ll lose out on. So, it’s not quite the deal with Ursula the Sea Witch I initially worried it was, and, in the end, the details in the EULA are perhaps not unexpected for security software like this. I reached out to both Asus and Trend Micro for their input on what sort of data they collect and how exactly it’s used, and we’ll update here when we get a response.

Deeper in the menus, you will find a surprisingly pleasant Open NAT section with pre-configured port reservations for specific games and consoles, and NAS options that include support for Apple’s Time Machine backup software. Most people will go wall-eyed looking at options past these, but it’s worth noting that if you want to use features like OFDMA and MU-MIMO, beamforming, and, I don’t know, the actual Wi-Fi 6 standard, you’ll want to push on into the advanced settings—just don’t expect to understand much of what you are presented with here, unless you have studied networking down to a very specific level. That said, if you have time and sufficient grit, you can sift through it and find some truly powerful options.

Now, for all the shade I throw at the browser interface, Asus actually does a pretty decent job with their mobile app. Appearance-wise, it’s far from the tidy design of most of Asus’s competitors; the app looks the way we might have imagined the UI of the future would in the early aughts or late ‘90s—all sci-fi space controls floating against a star field, complete with animations that are just there to look neat. While very silly, it’s a breath of fresh air after using the web interface, with more of the stuff you would want quick access to right there on the home screen, like Adaptive QoS mode switching, letting you quickly switch priority to games, video conferencing software, media streaming, and more.

While not quite as robust as the browser UI, the mobile app is far more user-friendly, even if it isn’t perfect. I greatly appreciated seeing signal noise shown for individual devices—also an option in the browser—which helps a lot when placing them for the best signal, which is especially important for things like smart speakers, which can be made or broken by your choices regarding network topology.

Looking at the feature list, it’s not unusual to wonder why in the hell you would want to command your router with Alexa. But, in the interest of being thorough, I grabbed my long-banished Echo Dot to test, and I did find some genuinely useful bits here—temporarily activating your guest network, for example, or pausing wifi. Perhaps the most useful of the bunch is the ability to change Adaptive QoS modes without going into the app.

The main shortcoming of Alexa Skills remains: Every command must be prefaced with “Alexa, ask my router…”, followed by a prescribed set of phrases you must memorize (or look up every time, defeating the purpose). The pricier RT-AX88U gives you a small selection of more natural-sounding phrases like, “Alexa, pause my wifi.” I tried anyway; not only did it not work, but Alexa pretended not to know who I was.

The rest of my smart home experience on this router, initial difficulties aside, was a good one—lightbulbs flicked on and off, routines ran, and my chosen smart assistant didn’t hesitate to respond to my requests.

The RT-AX86U is powered by a 1.8 GHz quad-core CPU with 1 GB of RAM and 256 MB Flash memory. Theoretically, it can transmit up to 4804 Mbps on the 5 GHz band, or up to 861 Mbps on the 2.4, but you’ll never see those speeds, nor should you expect them. It has four antennas—one of which is an internal, printed circuit board antenna, and works all the way up to the 160 MHz band, which is a key component of Wi-Fi 6, and necessary to reach the fastest speeds the router is capable of. It has a long list of other terms that describe how powerful it is.

As I’ve noted previously, the RT-AX86U is great for gaming. I wanted to take it further, so I decided to stress test the router, streaming music at the highest quality available on multiple devices, watching a 4K nature documentary on Apple TV, which is known for its high-bitrate streaming, conducting a video call with a friend, and playing CS:GO on official servers. This is a realistic scenario in my home, and the RT-AX86U aced it—I saw no sign of buffering or stuttering anywhere, my friend reported clear audio and smooth video, and in-game ping seemed unaffected. In raw numbers, I had to move into my back yard to get anything slower than the max I’m getting from my ISP, finding that I had good, usable internet even at the farthest reaches of my yard, which is about a fifth of an acre.

I tested file transfers with a 734 MB copy of Ernest Saves Christmas—a typical use case for network storage—and found the transfers to be very fast, with the limiting factor seemingly the actual read/write capability of the router. Transfer speeds reached as high as 465.79 Mbps, but averaged between 310 and 350 Mbps, and hardly budged at any distance. Write speeds were about half that.

After determining that the RT-AX86U was gross overkill for my needs, I thought I would look at Asus’s AiMesh, which lets you use multiple Asus routers to create a mesh network. Self-healing and pretty straightforward to set up, an AiMesh network can definitely get you that kind of blanketed internet plants crave.

I tested the mesh capabilities with the addition of an RT-AX82U, and for some reason, setting this up ended up actually being the only way I could finally get my “smart” bathroom light switch to join my new network. I came to this experience with the breezy setup of Eero already in mind and found it similarly easy with Asus. Network performance was as expected, with devices generally connecting to the node closest to them or, at least, with the lowest amount of signal noise, and no real noticeable changeover time. Basically, mesh networking is a revelation to anyone who hasn’t used it, and that much is true here, as well.

In the end, the Asus RT-AX86U is a great router, with speedy performance and easy setup, despite an annoying menu system. Actually getting down and dirty in the settings is a pain, thanks to confusing, incompletely explained technicals and messy organization, but basic and intermediate settings can be easily changed in the mobile app. Security and device prioritization for the router is decent, though I recommend you review the EULA before proceeding to make sure you’re comfortable with the exchange you must make to take advantage. The mesh setup was fairly painless. The RT-AX86U met and, in some cases exceeded, my expectations, at least where it counts. Of course, you’re going to pay for it, at MSRP $250—though you can find decent discounts at the usual online retailers.

Whether you just want lag-free gaming or you need something that can handle a heavy overall load, this router does it with aplomb. We are rapidly approaching the day when recommendations like this one isn’t just about future-proofing, but you will find in the RT-AX86U a router more than capable of meeting the unexpected demands put upon all of us this year. If you’ve got a smaller home that needs a lot of power and would prefer to check out mesh networking at a later date, this is absolutely the router for you.

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trademarkblue · 7 years ago

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100 Days of R/Hr: Day 16

Prompt: Hermione’s 19th birthday

Prompted by: ObsessedRHShipper

So, I don’t know what happened, but life encroached on me from all angles, and I have barely proofread this, I wrote most of it at delirious hours of the night, and there could very well be all sorts of odd mistakes (and I normal just naturally Britpick myself fairly okay as I’m writing, but I have less faith in myself than usual because I haven’t had time to be thorough, so please feel free to call me on it if I screwed up)... and I definitely left in a really dirty thing that I questioned just before I typed it and then intentionally didn’t go back to read it again so I wouldn’t chicken out of leaving it there, but it’s just so subtle that you might miss it anyway...

But that brings me to the warning about this containing SMUT.

Also, I hate Tumblr. Formatting a gigantic chunk of copy-pasted text is HELL, and who knows what this will look like on the app, and just... yeah. I did my best, guys. *sobbing*

I am existing on coffee and very few hours of sleep right now, but I’m just so relieved that I am finally able to celebrate Hermione’s birthday, four days late, and move on with life!! :D

Hope you enjoy this (way longer than a drabble) fic! x

"...fucking bollocks..." Hermione dropped the quill she was holding, eyes darting to the tall, diamond-paned window to her right. Moonlight reflected off the glass, and she noticed, for the first time that evening, that a chilly draft was wafting through the crack, where someone had evidently left the latch undone. But she was entirely alone in the library at this hour…

She really had heard him. Or had she finally gone mad? She reached for her wand, barely breathing.

"Bloody hell-" "Ron?!" she hissed, standing abruptly from her table and moving closer to the window, in her socks. There was a long, silent pause. And then, a bright blue eye appeared in the crack between the window and its frame. "Hey." She jumped back as she gasped, clutching her wand in a white-knuckled fist. "What are you doing?!" she whispered fiercely, moving forward again as she comprehended his actual presence, jaw dropping. "Happy... -shit!" He struggled with something, and then his palm slapped suddenly to the window, swinging it inward. "Right," he said, revealing his full body, standing in the brambly bushes outside the sill. "Happy birthday." He grinned at her, jeans caught in several places on large thorns, hair swept far to the side across his forehead, arm raised above his head to keep the window open, which pulled his green jumper up his body on that same side, revealing a strip of pale skin and the black elastic of his pants above his belt.

She stared at the sight before her for a moment, speechless. And then, she burst out laughing, pocketing her wand, eyes watering as she darted forward, throwing her arms around his neck and nearly tumbling out through the window altogether. He steadied her by tightly wrapping his left arm around her waist and leaning forward to keep them from overbalancing into the shrubbery. "I can't believe you're here," she mumbled happily against his neck. He took in a deep breath, nose buried in her hair. And he must have gotten distracted, because the window began to swing slowly shut. Hand seizing at her back, he lifted his head and pushed forward again. "Sorry!" she whispered urgently, removing her arms from around his neck and balancing fully back on her own feet again. "No one else's in here, yeah?" he asked, glancing past her into the dark library. "No, l’m alone. Ginny got me permission from Madame Pince to be here all night, on my own, as a birthday present, and I-”

But she broke off, eyes widening. "She knew!" Ron shrugged, his smile slowly spreading. "You planned this out so I'd be the only one here when you arrived, didn't you!" "Maybe..." With a terrible ripping noise, he yanked his right leg free from thorns, hoisted himself through the open window, and tugged his left leg to follow, wincing. He reached around and shut the window, latching it and smirking down at her. "Only you would consider an all night pass to the library the best birthday present ever." "No," she said, smiling shyly back at him, "this is the best birthday present ever." She glanced down his body and slowly returned her eyes to his, fighting a strong urge to flush crimson. His expression had turned quite dreamy, candlelight flickering in his pupils. "I know it's only been three weeks, but I've, uh, missed you a good bit more than I've admitted," he said, quietly. She nodded, sniffing. "Me too."

They stared at each other for a moment, in silence, before he cleared his throat.

"What do you want to do now?" He toed off his trainers and picked them up, walking past her to stow them under her table.

"What do you mean?"

“Well… we've reached the end of the part that I’d planned out…”

She pressed her lips together, amused.

“So, we can do whatever you want,” he continued, as he stood to his full height again. “I can revise an essay, or copy down notes, or read a section of the library aloud..." Eyes widening, she coughed lightly, caught between laughing at his list and thinking it was far more brilliant sounding than she probably should admit.

"No one's coming back tonight. Madame Pince left and locked me in ages ago..." she explained, licking her lips.

"Right," he said, before clearing his scratchy throat. She'd been mentally plotting an excuse about his torn jeans and the possibility of minor injuries from his run-in with the foliage outside, but the longer she stood a metre away from him, heart pounding, the less it mattered whether or not she was completely obvious about it. He'd shown up, at midnight, without a plan. He'd definitely been expecting her to take advantage of him... one way or another.

“So…” he urged, staring almost shyly down at her. "Oh, forget this," she sighed, moving forward. She tilted her head back as she approached him, and he gazed down at her, so close to touching... but not quite. He lifted one eyebrow, the corner of his mouth… and then, his hands reached up and cupped her face, and he ducked to kiss her. She sighed out relief, flowing between his parted lips as his hands moved down, past her shoulders, fingers spreading wide as he slid them down her back, left hand pressing to the arch above her arse, forcing her stomach flat against his as his left hand suddenly moved back up to tangle in her hair. She reached up under the back of his jumper and shirt, shivering at the wonderful feeling of his warm, bare skin against her hands. His tongue ran between her lips, and she felt his hands trembling against her. She puffed out a tiny squeak, attempting to remain on her toes to reach him. But her right leg lifted off the ground as his teeth lightly nibbled her bottom lip, and she needed to be much, much closer to him. Wrapping her heel around his calf, she forced their hips together, eliciting a shuddering groan from him in response… He pulled his lips impossibly slowly away from hers, panting lightly and clenching his eyes shut as she grabbed a hold of one of his back belt loops, fingers splaying so half her hand was resting over the top of his arse, holding him quite still... and quite close. She breathed in a sort of ragged series of gasps as he copied her motion, sliding the hand at her back down, down, over the rounded swell of her own arse. Two breaths later, he slid his hand back up, under her shirt, stopping at her bra, and she brushed her nose against his as she dropped her foot from his calf and moved back enough to focus on his eyes as he opened them. He slid his left hand out of her hair, down along her collarbone, until the tip of his index finger was trailing the collar of her shirt, feathering to her top button. She tilted her head back and exhaled slowly, eyes locked on his as he moved his right hand to join his left, working the first button free… then the second, the third... And then, he stopped, taking a step back... and he dropped to his knees in front of her. “Ron, what…” she laughed, in a fluttery, nervous sort of way. Three weeks apart really was feeling like an eternity, and a part of her was drowning in that same excited anxiousness that had traveled with her for at least the first half of the summer.

Looking down at him, she held her breath for a moment, his head level with her breasts, which were currently heaving against her bra. He quickly unbuttoned her last three buttons, opening her shirt, eyes raking over her body, raising her temperature…

Pressing his lips lightly to the skin just below her bra, he looked up and met her eyes, shadows streaking across his face, in contrast to the lantern light that splashed in his eyes and fringe. She was caught staring back at him, unable to look away. It was mental, really, knowing that he loved her, like everything suddenly looked so much different. Or did it? Was it only her perspective that had changed? He had looked at her so many different ways, over the years before, conveying a wealth of hidden emotions she was either too afraid to risk believing or had simply not viewed correctly.

He kissed her stomach, open-mouthed, as his hands spread wider over her sides. His nose caught on the bottom edge of her bra, and he pulled back.

“We’re doing this in the Hogwarts library,” he grinned, and she recalled him mentioning a particular fantasy about this, to which she had concurred… only she’d never expected to actually do it. Her heart was pounding, fear of being caught somewhere pulsing in the back of her mind. But he was right there. Was she honestly supposed to tell him to stop?

“Come on,” she suggested, tugging him gently by the hair and smiling. “We can go deeper into the shelves at least so we’ll have time to stop if someone does come back…” She cleared her throat, and he stood.

“What?”

“I keep thinking I'm someone who doesn't break rules, don't I, but how often has that actually been true? Just because I'm clever about how to do it doesn't mean we aren't still breaking them…”

He stared at her in contemplation for a moment before grinning.

“That's a good point…”

She took his hand, tugging him further back into the stacks, away from the windows, well out of view of the front doors. When she stopped and turned to face him, he was staring at her with a strange sort of expression she couldn't place.

“What?” she asked him, quietly.

“Hm? Nothing,” he smiled back, running a hand through his hair to move it off his forehead. The result was an amusing puff of ginger at the top of his head before his fringe slowly fell down again. She gave up questioning the way he was obviously hiding something from her, opting instead to focus on the way her stomach flipped with happiness, familiarity. Sometimes he was just so perfectly who she wanted that she was overwhelmed, all over again. And why was it always the most ridiculous things, like his hair, or the lopsided curve of his mouth just now as he grinned at her?

She took his hand again and walked two steps further backward before tugging him down to sit on the floor, hidden by high rows of books, dark shadows washing over them, far away from the nearest lit lantern. Wrapping her hands around his forearms, she pulled him in closer until his mouth was on hers again, one of his hands finding her bare side under the shirt she was still half-wearing. His tongue ran between her lips, and her body tensed with pleasure before she couldn’t help herself and was climbing into his lap, widening her legs to push her half-bare chest against his, recalling that he was still fully dressed. Pushing up on her knees, she dragged her mouth away from his, panting slightly as her hands slid up his neck to hold his face.

Sighing shakily, she scrambled at the back of his jumper, half clawing it up his body. He reached back to help, tugging the collar at the base of his neck. And they managed to pull it over his head, messy ginger hair emerging with a static fizz as she dropped the jumper to the floor and returned immediately to his mouth. His body was so warm through his thin, cotton shirt, and a part of her was hardly comprehending how far she was really letting this go, in the middle of the bloody library, but the rest of her was too consumed by what they were doing to care.

Feeling his erection through his jeans, she rubbed herself against him, arching slightly into his chest as he groaned, vibrations moving up from the back of his throat. His hands shot down to hold her hips, but she did it again, causing him to rip his mouth away from hers, wrap an arm around her waist tightly, and lean backward. For a moment, she was thrown off guard by his movement, his elbow supporting his weight as he dropped to his back. But then, he rolled sideways and flipped them over so she was lying on her back on the thick rug in the centre of the aisle, his body covering hers as he leaned over her and sucked on her neck. She gasped and tilted her head further back to give him better access, parting her thighs and bending her knees so his body fit perfectly between her legs. She angled her hips against him and arched closer, but instead of his usual move of reciprocating and pressing down into her, he slid his mouth down her neck, down between her breasts, and sat up between her knees.

She wanted to call him back down on top of her… until his long fingers pinched her nipples through her thin, cotton bra. She closed her eyes, tiny squeaky sounds emanating from her parted lips, but she was too distracted by sensation to feel embarrassed. She’d nearly moved past this anyway, realising a while back that he loved the sounds she made, which, at the time he’d admitted it, really only made her blush a deeper shade of burgundy…

As his hands moved down, she cracked open her eyes, but then his fingertips were sliding up her bare torso to the bottom edge of her bra, and it was incredibly fortunate both that she was wearing the sort of bra that clasped in the front and that he had become familiar with it over the summer, because he made quick work of it and peeled the cups off to either side to expose her chest. She ran her hands up his denim-covered thighs, and he sucked in a breath through his nose, reaching down to loosely hold her wrists in both hands as he stared. And then, leaning forward, her chilled skin was warmed by his hot breath... preceding his lips, which attached to the bottom swell of her right breast, open-mouthed and working his way up as she clenched a fist in his hair. His tongue flicked out as he reached her nipple, and she trembled as he stretched out between her legs again, supporting himself on his forearms.

“Ron,” she whispered, too constricted by her skirt and knickers and hoping he could somehow understand what she wanted, all from the way she’d said his name.

He figured out enough to start with, anyway, reaching up under her skirt and hooking a finger over the elastic of her knickers, pulling them down as he climbed out from between her legs to rid her of them completely. Now, he was absolutely overdressed. But, rather than rectify it for her, he repositioned himself between her legs, glided his hands up her bare thighs and back down… She opened her mouth to ask him to come closer, but he spoke before she could free the words.

"Hermione..." Sensing his hesitation, she froze and held his gaze. "What's wrong?" "I love you." Her heart seized, fluttering at his voice around the words she hadn't heard in nearly three weeks.

“That's what's wrong?” she whispered.

"Hell, no. Nothing's wrong. Just... wanted you to know, in case you forgot." "I love you, too," she smiled. "Brilliant,” and he grinned, ducking and kissing his way down her stomach, lifting her skirt again as his head dropped between her legs.

Her instinctive reaction was to gasp and flinch at his sudden contact with her extremely sensitive skin. But she knew he must be used to this by now, because his response was to tug her legs over his shoulders and spread his hands across her hips and use more tongue…

She lifted her gaze to the ceiling high above, heavily book-laden shelves rising on either side of them, but she had to clench her eyes shut as his hands moved up her body again to cover her breasts. She felt his teeth graze across her, and she really couldn't take it any more.

Reaching down, she gripped his biceps and pulled. He lifted his head to acknowledge her briefly before attaching his mouth to her inner thigh. Moaning her frustration, she raked her nails across his skin, and he lightly bit her before dragging his open mouth up the crease between her thigh and hip.

“Ron,” she whispered, his head bobbing on her stomach as she shifted under him.

He was ignoring her insistent suggestions, and she was more than a little ready for him to be naked and covering her whole body...

“What are you doing?” she sighed, half-frustrated and half-confused. He lifted his head again.

“What’d’you mean?” His hand froze on her chest, and he blinked up at her.

“You're way down there.”

“I was trying to, y’know… just do stuff for you.”

She finally noticed how red his cheeks and ears were and how rapid his breathing had become. This was a completely absurd turn of events. He was restraining himself because he thought this was what she wanted?

“What?” was the only word she could manage, as she pushed up onto her elbows to see him properly.

“It's your birthday,” he said in a deep, raspy voice.

“I'm aware.”

He shrugged, evidently deeming that statement enough to explain himself.

“But I want you to come up here,” she said.

He licked his lips, and his forehead creased.

“Just thought it might be nice if I, dunno, only did stuff for you.”

She was too filled with lust to accurately think this through, but a part of her was momentarily horrified before she settled in the knowledge that he couldn't possibly-

“There's no way you think I only have sex with you for your benefit.”

“No,” he laughed. “I know you like it-”

“Like it?!”

The countless times she had instigated shagging him throughout the summer flashed through her memory.

“Yeah, alright,” he smirked.

But she was piecing things together a bit, some distant part of her also finding it comical to be having this sort of conversation with him still lying between her legs, her shirt completely open.

“Because it's my birthday, you think you're being selfish?”

He hesitated for a second before shrugging again.

“That’s-” but she cut herself off, realising the truth. “No, I'm not surprised, actually. That’s so like you…”

His flushed ears may have darkened a shade, but it was impossible to tell for sure in the dim light. She suddenly knew what she wanted to express, but she had no idea how.

“I can't explain it properly, but… everything's better when you like it, too…”

He must have comprehended the gist, because his gaze softened considerably.

“To be fair, this is bloody amazing already, and I was liking it just fine…” His lips twitched toward an amused grin. “Reckon this is why blokes buy girls jewelry…”

She laughed, shaking her head.

“...which I may have also done,” he added, just a bit shyly, and her eyebrows shot up.

“You didn’t.”

“I know it's not that creative,” he said, as he pushed her leg off his shoulder and crawled up to lie on his side next to her, “but I've never really bought you a proper gift-”

“Perfume,” she said quickly, and he half rolled his eyes.

“Dunno if that counts.”

“Of course it counts.”

He closed his eyes and shook his head, smiling as she turned onto her side to face him.

“You really bought me jewelry?” she asked, in a small voice. She was never one to care about romantic gifts, but something about him buying her a very specifically non-practical thing made her lightheaded.

“Yeah,” and he opened his eyes, staring across at her. “But I hid the box in my trainer when I took them off at your table. Didn't want to forget about it in my pocket and crush it.”

“Oh my God, I'm so curious.”

She'd probably have abandoned their previous activities completely for long enough to find out what he'd bought her if he'd still had it within easy reaching distance...

“I’d lower your expectations if I were you,” he said. “It's not that amazing…”

But he truly could never understand that it didn't have to be extravagant or clever. It was amazing simply because it came from him. Whatever it was, she already loved it and would probably never take it off...

“I’d go look now, but I'm not properly dressed for standing in front of windows…” She chewed her bottom lip as he grinned, eyes flicking down and back up to her face.

“Speaking of that, reckon this is the longest conversation we've ever had while you've been half naked…”

“So, maybe we should stop talking…”

She reached up and laid her hand on his cheek, and he grinned in that slightly deliriously happy way that made her feel like her heart was going to explode. He sat halfway up on his forearm to move closer, and she hooked her arm around his neck and pulled him down to kiss her again.

Within seconds, her hands were under his shirt, and she was relieved that he was no longer resisting at all as she gathered thin cotton in her fists, working it up his sides. He finally sat up completely to rip the shirt over his head and toss it behind him. A hazy thought about how oddly endearing she found the way he always threw his clothes aside at random tried to formulate, but he attached his mouth to the sensitive skin in front of her ear, dragging his parted lips down the curve of her neck, and all coherence vanished. She wrapped a leg around his waist and pulled him further on top of her, instantly overcome by the feeling of his naked upper body pressing down on hers.

As his mouth covered hers again, she reached down to help with his belt, the sounds of metal and leather floating between the inconsistently spaced noises of kissing and shaky moans. Her body felt suddenly far too warm, yet she would happily stay underneath him like this for approximately forever… especially now that his fingers were moving between her legs. She shuddered against his lips, and he lifted his head to swallow and breathe. He may have been about to speak, but she interrupted his train of thought completely by pushing down his pants and wrapping her small fingers around him. His eyes snapped shut for a second, until he slowly regained the use of his voice.

“S’not been long enough now that this’ll hurt you again, y’think?” he slurred, in a slightly drunk sounding way, and he opened his eyes again.

“No,” she said, fibbing slightly, as she really didn't know the answer to his question, but she didn't want to give him a single reason to hold back.

As she stared up into his eyes, he removed his wet fingers from between her legs and tapped the back of her hand with his knuckles. She let go of him, he replaced her hand with his own, and she felt her stomach flip with a silent understanding of why he'd done what he'd done, mounting to wonderfully nervous anticipation of what he would do next.

As he ducked to kiss her again, he braced himself more heavily on his free arm, which she noticed was trembling slightly, just before his lips dragged back away from hers enough for him to suck in a sharp breath as he slid inside her. He muttered a series of mostly unintelligible curse words as she arched tighter to his chest and bent her knee higher up his hip, moaning airily with each exhale. She'd almost forgotten exactly how good it felt. He seemed to be having a similar problem as his now-free right hand searched for hers, gripping tightly once they found each other, threading their fingers together as he attempted a rhythm while simultaneously trying to kiss her, which resulted in his open mouth skipping from the corner of hers to her cheek.

Her skirt was bunched at her waist, and her knuckles were somewhat painfully pressing into the floor with the weight inflicted down from his palm, but it was all so perfect that she realised she might actually cry if she didn't get it under control quickly. It had happened twice before, just before the end, and she'd had a difficult time explaining to him that he was worrying about absolutely nothing and that she was only crying from the sheer overwhelm of building up to something for years, finally having it, and it being better than she could have ever imagined.

She didn't want to spend a single second watching him worry again, so she closed her eyes and breathing unsteadily through her mouth and focused on every physical feeling as her nerves built strongly between her legs, shocks of mounting tension low in her abdomen, and his teeth scraped pleasurably across her jaw as he finally released her hand to half-claw at the rug as he finished a few seconds after she did. She only realised she was holding her breath when she felt his hot, shaky exhale against her neck and her legs dropped like jelly to the floor.

The tip of his nose rubbed adorably against her ear before he slid most of the way off of her, left arm still half-draped across her stomach, hand dangling over her hip. She wiggled her trapped left arm out from under him so she could reach up and rake her fingers through his hair. He lazily blinked at her and smiled.

“Sort of doesn't seem fair,” he mumbled against her shoulder, “since this is exactly what I want for my birthday.”

“I can buy you jewelry, too.”

He laughed and snuggled the tiniest bit closer to her before shifting around in frustration.

“Jeans are all twisted…” he muttered, releasing her and standing up.

She watched with slightly glazed eyes as he straightened his pants and zipped his jeans before giving up on the belt and yanking it out to join his jumper and shirt on the floor. But before he could settle next to her again, she sat up and clasped her bra shut, remembering something.

“What were you hiding earlier?”

“Huh?”

He sat in front of her, confused, and she licked her bottom lip, knowing it must not be terribly important if her question hadn't been enough to remind him.

“You had a strange look, like you were thinking about something serious, and you didn't explain it.”

“Oh.” He scratched his ear and shrugged. “Wasn't hiding anything. Just felt like a prat.”

“Why?”

“Dunno. Sometimes it's just sort of… hard to believe you're real. I know that sounds mental…”

He shrugged and gave her a lopsided grin. It took her a second to catch her breath again to speak.

“No. I feel the same way about you,” she said in a small voice, smiling back.

He scooted closer and took her hand, and she found it incredibly endearing that he kept his eyes down on their clasped fingers, like he could still find a way to be shy after what they'd just done.

“How long can you stay?” she asked, at a near-whisper.

“As long as you want. Or… until Madame Pince comes and chucks me out…” He grinned at her again, but she was reminded, for a second, of how much trouble they could get into if they were caught.

“I could actually get expelled…”

“Nah, if we get dressed, reckon I could easily convince anyone this was my fault and you had nothing to do with it… which is true.”

“Got to get dressed, anyway, so I can see what you bought me!”

An excited little flutter danced in her stomach at the way his ears reddened a bit as he let go of her hand to find his shirt.

An hour later, she was leaning back against the corner juncture between two tall bookshelves, clothed in his jumper and her skirt, the thin, silver chain of a necklace visible as it angled over her collarbone before it vanished beneath his jumper collar. He was sitting cross-legged in front of her, one of her bare feet in his lap and the other in his hands as he worked his fingers almost absentmindedly up and down the arch, eliciting the occasional small sigh of pleasure from her, in between words. They were in the middle of an argument over whether or not Ron had ever returned the library’s copy of Quidditch Through the Ages after he borrowed it for the fourth or fifth time, in 1993, and to say that she'd never had a better birthday would be a serious understatement.

#100daysofrhr #prompts #rhr #fanfiction #obsessedrhshipper #myfic #tmblue

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milap-sd · 4 years ago

Text

Building Your First Shopify App with Node.js and Express :)

Hey everyone we're gonna be talking about how to build your own first Shopify app using nodejs and Express and yeah you can find the tutorial that we're going through right here if you happen to lag behind or you just prefer to read a hard copy it's essentially the same thing as what's on my screen right now found at our Help Center.

So let's get started just give one a moment here sorry just one second I apologize about that I guess I forgot to book this room that I'm in and someone came to kick me out of it anyways so in this webinar like I said we're gonna be building a basic app using nodejs and Express I'll be primarily focusing on building your app as a public app that essentially means that the app can be installed on multiple shops using OAuth authentication you can also create a private app that is scoped to a single shop it's in the Apps section of the shops admin but like I said we're gonna be focusing on a public app today.

So in order to get the most out of this webinar we're gonna be there's gonna be some things that you'll want to have while these things aren't required in order to build an app these are what I'm going to be using today.

So the first is I'm going to be using Mac OS a tunneling service such as an groucho or forward HQ both of these have a free off or free trial but I'll be using n rock in this tutorial I'm going to be using nodejs as I mentioned I'm on version 8.1 1.1 and NPM I'm gonna be using version 5.1 6.0 just one moment cool so I'll give you a chance now to download and rockeo if you don't have it already.

Yeah so the first thing that we're going to be doing is signing up for our partner account some of you may already have a partner account but if you don't you can sign up here there should be a big blue join Now button so we're going to click on this all right so we're gonna ask for a little bit more information from you and just about your business and this is just for a test stop.

So I'm just gonna put that there put my email my say country and province or state or wherever you're from it might be different and then at the bottom we're gonna ask kind of why you're sitting at the partner account.

So for now if you're creating one with me today we're gonna choose custom app development but there may be other areas that you're interested in so feel free to choose multiples perfect so here we are on our partner dashboard there's this is basically where all of your information and actions will take place from a partner standpoint.

So the first thing that we're gonna do is we're gonna create the development store this is gonna be the shop that we're testing our apple on we're going to install it onto the store and view some of the data on the store once we get making our first API call if you already have a store that you use maybe a paid store or you're offering I'll feel free to use that one otherwise we'll hit create store create our store name create a password first store and then again our address and then it's safe sweet so some of you may already be familiar with the Shopify back-end.

So here it is we can pretty much ignore this for now and let's go back to our partner dashboard awesome so now that we have a partner dashboard open let's click on apps and we're gonna actually create our app we're going to be prompted for a little bit of information again so our app name I'm gonna call my own Shopify Express app and it's gonna ask you for your app URL so this is the address that your app lives at and you can't really just put a local host address here it has to be an actual absolute URL so that's where a tunneling a service comes in handy.

So if you have taken the time to download and Rock or another tunneling service then we're gonna hop in with our terminal and we're gonna change directory to the folder that we downloaded it and then we're gonna type and rock HTTP and then 3,000 which is the port we're gonna run on so if you are using a free trial one caveat is that you are gonna be given a randomly generated sub domain so you can see mine right there so anytime you close your in Rock towing service and then start it up again you're gonna be given a different subdomain.

So just make sure that if you are going to do that you're updating the URL you partner dashboard and updating the URL as it shows in your actual apps code so I'm gonna leave this open for the duration of the webinar but I'm gonna copy the address that we have here on the HTTP version and I'm gonna throw it in the app URL and I'm just gonna end it with slash Shopify.

So we have access to actually use our route URL later on if you wanted to so we're gonna create the app and that's it so now we're in our apps dashboard there's some resources on the the first page here and we can create an app listing for the app store up here which you may want to do if you want to sell your app to merchants on the app store but otherwise we'll click on app info and we'll see a bit of the information that we've already entered our app URL here.

This is the role we entered on the previous step and the URL that is shown that merchants are redirected to if they click the install button on your app store listing and we append the shop as a URL parameter to the end of this URL and then below we have the whitelisted redirection URLs so this basically is white listing the URLs that we're going to redirect the merchants to once they've actually authorized your app.

So for this one we are going to just add slash call back to what's already there and it's good practice also to add this URL without the S so it's just HTTP and you can add as many others that you may need but this should be fine for what we're using it for today.

If you scroll below there's a preferences URL which is optional that's just to add a link to preferences on the App Store you can an icon which will show up on the app store and then below is your API key and API secret so we'll take note of these as we'll be using them as environment variables later on but for now we'll save our app cost so a bit more advanced but we also have the option for extensions for example if you want your app to be embedded in the Shopify admin which is enabled by D default admin links which add links to your app within the admin pages such as like the product page orders page.

If you have an app that maybe prints orders things like that an app proxy which allows you to have a view on the storefront that allows you to put your own like apps view or if you're building a sales channel this is the option you can also embed the app in that pls we're not going to be worrying about any of that today.

We're just gonna be building a simple app austell them so let's open a new tab in our terminal and we're gonna create our app stricter so I'm going to do mcdr Shopify - Express - application and then we're gonna actually navigate to this folder and then we're gonna run NPM in it and you should just be able to select all the defaults that it offers you but you can change them if you want but for the sake of this webinar we're just gonna keep hitting Enter all the way through until we're asked if everything that we've chosen is okay and I just sighs this can see everything and so I'm going to confirm and then if we go to our text editor.

I'm using atom and we find our apps folder we'll see that our app is there with a package.json file which is great so next we're going to need to install the required packages for our application so we are going to be using a number of them gonna npm install the first one is Express this is just the node framework that we're going to be using next one is dot env this is to handle our environment variables next one is cookie which is just a basic HTTP cookie parser and serializer next is knots for generating a unique not possible you that'll be part of the security for app that we'll go over in a bit request which allows us to make HTTP calls and request promise which adds promise functionality to our requests end it with - - save which essentially just tells npm that we want to add these packages as dependencies to our packaged tour packages of JSON file and we'll hit enter awesome.

So now that our packages of JSON is filled with our dependencies and all of our packages are installed we're going to want to create an environment file to save our environment variables and to do that we'll just touch a env and of course we're going to want to put our and file in to get ignore to make sure that we're not sharing our environment variables with the world if we push them to get up.

So we're also going to type touch dot get ignore and in that get ignore file we will add dot tnp and in the dot env file we're gonna add our credentials so I'm going to put it as Shopify API oops key and we're gonna make it equal to the API key that we find in our partner dashboard so we'll just copy it there and we're gonna do the same with our secret they're gonna make it called Shopify API secret will copy the secret from our partner dashboard.

We'll paste it in there we'll hit save and we'll move on to the next step actually building our app the fun stuff so to start will actually need our index dot JSP so we will touch index touch yes which creates a file in our app folder and we are going to just build a foundation of a very simple hello world app that we can build off of so I'm going to paste some code here I'll be writing out the rest of the code but this is mainly just setting all of our packages to constants grabbing our ad I can secret from our animal file setting them to constants and then setting a few more constants that we'll need later on such as the Scopes that our app is going to request.

So we're requesting write products which means we'll have access to both view product data and create product data within the shop that our app is installed and then we also have our forwarding address which is simply just the it's the URL of our app so we're gonna want to replace what's in here with the URL of our app that we put in our partner dashboard there we go and all I have here is a very simple get route to our route that'll print out hello world on the screen and of course we're listening on port 30,000 so we'll save it and we'll run her out make sure everything is working so far it should be but you never know especially with live coding what did I do here.

Oh I forgot it's a little bit there go perfect so now we'll save and we'll try it again there we go and then we'll visit our app URL also got our hello world so from here we're gonna want to create our first route this row is going to be the we'll call it the install rate.

So we'll replace our hello world route with a shell type the set up so it seemed easy to follow with a get route to our app URL as we put it in our partner dashboard which is just slash Shopify and inside we're gonna set a constant which will be this job so the shop should be passed in as a query parameter and it'll be called shop and we're just if statement to make sure that we actually have the shop variable and if we don't we're going to return a four hundred response please add just saying that you'll need to add the shop as a query parameter to the address that you're visiting and again if you're clicking get to install the app from the App Store then this will already be attached to your URL so you should always have it awesome.

So if we do have this job parameter we are going to use our nonce package to set a constant called state we are going to set our redirect URI just the same as we set up in our partner dashboard so that's slash Shopify slash callback whoops and then we're going to build our install URL so there's a number of things that we'll need in our install URL.

Let me just get down the beginnings HTTP plus shop plus slash admin / pull off / authorize and then the first query parameter is going to be client underscore ID and this is going to be equal to the API key the next variable or a URL parameter sorry is going to be the scope and that's simply going to be equal to the scope that we set previously whoops the next one is going to be our state same thing the same as the state that we set previously and then lastly we're gonna set the redirect URI.

So Shopify knows where we're gonna redirect the merchants as soon as they have authorized your app to be installed on their store that's going to be equal to awesome so just a little bit more about the state or nonce this is essentially just a random string that you would set the nonce package takes care of that automatically for me that we're gonna send on the request and once we receive a call back from Shopify is going to echo that date.

So that we can compare the two if they match then great we know the request came from Shopify if they don't match then chances are someone is trying to spoof the request and we can't confirm the origin of it in which case we would go on a return an error so we're going to set that to a cookie normally you would want to encrypt it before setting it to a cookie since it will live on the client-side however for the sake of this app.

We'll just set it to state for the sake of time and then we're gonna redirect to the installing URL that we just built oh sweet all right let me just make sure I'm not missing anything looks good so let's give this a test we'll save our work we'll restart our app and we've got an error of course unexpected identifier oh I forgot a plus here all right let's try this again.

Okay so we'll go to our app slash Shopify and then we'll add our shop you just grab to the shop URL since we have that open and we'll add this as a query parameter scope is not defined oh I called it scopes whoops okay all right third time's a channel let's close out our app restart it and all right what am I doing wrong redirect to your I slash Shopify slash callback.

Okay so this essentially it's a common error that comes up if the callback isn't whitelisted but it does look like listed so let's try to find out what I'm doing wrong here oh whoops reader right you are / Shopify / a callback why is uh not wait listen did we say no is there whoops Shopify guys call it back whoops oh don't think I'd save all right everything one second folks.

Let's try this again all right shop equals why is this happen redirect your eyes missed oh whoops all right so this actually has to be redirect underscore URI so the correct you are I was whitelisted I just had the wrong query parameter key so this should work again just the joys of live programming take our app URL equals there we go so this is the authorization prompt that merchants are going to see and you'll be able to see the Scopes that we requested which is managed products and it'll show your app logo if you have one your app name it shows that this app isn't listed on the App Store but of course your app if it was listed it would not have this banner.

So if we click install we'll get a 404 error because it'll redirect to our callback URL but we don't actually have a route for it yeah see so cannot get Shopify / call that so the next step that will do is actually creating that rep alright so here goes our next row.

We're going to set it to the same as our whitelisted URL that we put in our turnout board all right oh you can't see my screen anymore whoops thank you hello there girl perfect okay alright so building your route whoops and to start off in this route we are going to first set a constant that is going to be the query parameters that Shopify sense to us and that'll be the shop the H Mac and the code and then in this state echoed from the one that we set previously alright and those are just great parameters.

So request three and then we're going to grab that state cookie that we set previously let's go and we're gonna verify that they actually matched and if they don't then we're gonna return a 403 message as I mentioned previously and we're gonna say that the request can't be verified if it does not equal the state from our cookie again.

If you are saving your state in a cookie make sure you encrypt it as it is on the client side and you can decrypt it once you get the request awesome so the next step we're gonna also put in some logic to make sure that we have all the necessary parameters and then we're going to start with our H max validation which is probably the part that people struggle with the most when setting up a new shop application.

So basically we need to calculate a signature using all the query parameters that we received and to validate the request that signatures should match the 8h Mac that Shopify has provided so to start doing that we are first going to map all of our query parameters to an object and the reason we're doing this is just because it'll make it easier to remove the H Mac because we don't want to sign the request including the provided H mat because then we wouldn't get our own signature that matched that H Mac so we're going to delete the map with the key H Mac all right.

So now we're gonna can we r going to make a constant called message and it's just gonna be our object but turn back into a string apply restraining the string that's gonna be awesome so now we have our message so we can actually go ahead and generate that hash we'll call it generated hash and we're gonna use notes built in crypto method and we're gonna create an H Mac it's gonna be using sha-256 encryption and our secret key used to sign.

So the idea here is that only you the app developer and Shopify know what your secret key is so you'll be able to sign any request with it to ensure its validity and keep Shopify shalvoy's merchants and your app secure and we're going to be signing the message using a text yes awesome so just like we did with the state we're gonna want to verify that what we calculated matches what shot if I gave us so if generated hash is not equal to RH Mac then we're gonna return oops I can't I ate for my life a status message and 400 error H Mac validation failed otherwise we will simply respond with oops 8200 whoops there we go 200 Datsun H Mac.

So we'll put this here for now just for testing but we'll actually replace this with making their first API call in just a moment but first we want to I forgot about this part we'll just want to make an else statement so that if we don't have the required parameters we actually specify that and I noticed another mistake that I will correct in just a second required parameters oops miss awesome and I forgot to put a closing bracket there sweet.

So hopefully we don't have any errors this time hopefully and we'll test our work I already saved it so we'll just run this again and so far so good so because the merchants in this case just us I'm already authorized the app we shouldn't get that authorized screen again if I were to change my hired scopes then the merchants would be prompted to accept the installation of the app once again because the requested scopes have changed but this should work there you go each Mac validated but that doesn't really do us any good.

So let's actually exchange for an access token and make an API call so we can just replace this line of code right here we will replace it with first the URL that we're going to be making a request to the endpoint and that endpoint is slash admin so the shop slash admin / oo / access underscore token and we're also going to need a payload there's the number of things that we're going to pass into the payload when requesting an access token the first is the client ID which is simply the API key the client secret which you guessed it is the API secret and then that code parameter that Shopify sent us in our callback URL.

Once you already have an access token you may not actually receive a code which is totally fine you would just go through the validation of the request in the same way just without the code so it's always a good idea not to rely on specific URL parameters to be there because they may not always be there you just want to calculate the signature upon all the query parameters that you have - the H Mac so there's only need for the request so let's make it whoops so we're gonna do a post request and that post request is going to be - the access token request URL with a payload a JSON payload that is equal to the payload that we set previously and once the request completes we are going to save our access token okay god access underscore token awesome and then of course we're gonna send a 200 response status 200 got send got access I'm not sure why I switch to double quotes there but oh well cool and of course we're gonna catch any errors that we may receive here like so we'll save this hope that there's no errors so far so good and we'll visit our app again.

Awesome so we got an access token let's do something with it and we can see all the parameters in the URL there including the code yeah so let's replace this useless message with an actual API call now that we have our authenticated access okay cool so we will do the same as we did when we were exchanging for an access token will create the endpoint API request whoops you are fools and we're just going to be Shopify this is an API that you can hit as long as you have an access token you don't need a specific scope for it and it just gives you information about the shop that your app is installed on so shop + / admin / ah dr. song and it doesn't need a payload.

It's just a request a get request on Shopify and I think generally you should never have a body in your get request URL parameters are better there but we do need to set the leg they're set are a single request header and that request header is the ex Shopify access token header and that essentially is the way that we can tell Shopify a we have our access token here we're authenticated it's cool now give me my dad data and we are gonna set that to our access token okay sweet and then just like we did when we were getting our access token.

We'll create the request set the endpoint that's going to be - whoops I realize anything this wrong it's going to be to API request URL and with the headers whoops API request header and on response we are going to display their sports and of course kept any errors oops that's a comma says code Oh this up a bed alright so when I was doing this earlier I did have an error that I had to fix this one.

So hopefully we have better luck this time and I can get to some questions okay if you are ah and there we go we are now receiving my shot represented in a JSON object and if we wanted to say fetch products instead we could do that fairly easily I'll just change this to products dot JSON hit save and that should be good enough whoops and there you go my shop doesn't have any products.

So we're just getting an empty an empty products object but that's it this is basically the framework that you'll be able to use to make your own app whether it be you know maybe a fulfillment service you know maybe in order printer like I mentioned we have a large number of api's you can view our reference to see all these ones on the left if you're making a carrier service to return Rome shipping rates to a store this is where creativity comes in but yeah that is it we do have some time for questions sorry about the technical difficulties we could have had more time but since we don't gonna look at some of these questions cool.

Yep so I believe we're gonna be doing the follow-up so if there's any references that we linked we'll be sending it including the recording to anyone who signed up yeah cool just looking through the questions here so just bear with me I see well now I didn't see the questions previously but I see you guys correcting some of the issues that I had before I should have looked in the chat earlier shout out the Adrian Corcoran for finding the redirect to your I issue and Sergei yeah so the example code will be available actually is already available it's at our building in Chama fire allocation with no das and Express a tutorial if you search our Help Center just search no tap this should be the top result and this is basically everything that I covered today all the code is there you can copy-paste and I believe at the end there's the full project that you can copy and paste and use as your skeleton for your app.

So someone asked can you use your own app to charge a credit card we do have a checkout API which lets you programmatically create checkouts however the ability to process payments is by request only and you can actually request that in your partner dashboard.

So if you go to the extensions tab and you turn your app into a sales channel there'll be an option here to request payment processing access we are only offering that at two sales channels intended to be marketplaces so if you did have an idea for a marketplace by all means turn your app into a sales channel request that payment processing and will basically get back to you if we have approved it switch back to the dot and someone's there we go.

So it doesn't necessarily need to be Shopify underscore API there's no secret or seam with key but whatever you do use just make sure that you use the same when you're setting it to a variable on these lines let's see if time for a couple more questions here macelli asks you have sales people who need to create a custom order and then charge it I'm sorry your best option there would be to use our draft order API so what that allows you to do is create a draft order and then actually send an invoice to the customer where they'll be able to click a link to complete the checkout this is the best option if you actually need to charge people programmatically through the API.

So I got a question about selling apps so do we have to pay any joining fees etc so right now the revenue share modelon our App Store is 8020 so basically 80% of any proceeds from your apps would be paid out with your partner account and then there's the 20% that is delegated to Shopify as fees someone asks how do you deploy this to Heroku and then I think I have time for one more so to answer that we actually have a very good video series called app in five and let me see if I can find it so the one that we have right now the one that we have right now is using Ruby on Rails but basically we create the framework of a Ruby on Rails using our Shopify Rails generator and deploy to Heroku in five minutes look out for another one in the future where we'll do the same thing with nodejs probably with Express we don't have a video on that right.

Now but you should be able to get an idea based on our rails video and then just apply it to whatever language you're working with and then that's I'll find one more question that we can we can throw in here so here's a question about using the crypto method I actually asked myself the same question when I went through this and actually crypto was made baseline in nodejs I can't remember which version but we didn't actually have to install it because it comes with node and then one last question is there a github repository for this there isn't but you can find the code on our building a node app tutorial that's on my screen right now and I'll make sure that this gets sent out in the follow-up email that we send but yeah that's not really.

If you guys have any other questions feel free to hop on our forums like I said I leave the developer support team so we try to answer as many questions from there as we can specifically the API forms and we'll leave it there thanks everyone for joining thanks for your questions but yeah thanks again for joining and the hope that we see you at a future webinar take care of the one.

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